#do vividly remember being curled up w my head on Friends side and like. awkwardly scooting away bc i was like Ah. Too Close

[pawbeanies]

every so often i think abt the first time i smoked A Weed (hotboxed in my friends car and them hung out w them and their boyfriend) and in the moment i was Mega Nervous about third wheeling but when i relayed my Experience to my friends they were all like "chuu .......... i dont think you were third wheeling.... i think they were inviting u to join them ............" like how was I supposed to figure that out from them inviting me to snuggle with them on the couch and both of them running their hands through my hair and going on about how soft it was and telling me it was ok for me to come closer and that i could "take what i needed" and

on the otjer hand it was also the first time i ever had italian beef sandwiches so like i think it was a rlly formative experience for me. the moral of the story here is italian beef sandwiches are good

[heythereunderoos]

Craving More|| High School AU

Pairing: Senior!Tony x Sophomore!Peter Word Count: (Including lyrics) 3436 Warnings: Underage, recreational drug use, underage drug use, bullying  

//Here we go again, I kinda wanna be more than friends. So take it easy on me, I'm afraid you're never satisfied//

Tony hadn't been excited at the prospect of another body in their home. He knew that no matter who it was, there wasn't anything or anyone that could warm the cold walls of their home. He knew that another person's chatter wouldn't be comforting or fill the empty halls, it would just make everything seem that much quieter, that much more lonely.

Maria had promised him that he had so much to look forward to. That despite the fact that this poor kid Peter's aunt, who had apparently taken care of him for a majority of his life, had died, that he was still perky and happy. Maria had told him that he needed more friends like that around, and Tony huffed.

Sure.

So Tony was slightly stunned when the boy bounded into the house with his pale yellow suitcases in tow with an equally bright smile, right towards him. Peter released his bags and his arms locked around Tony's neck with a heavy sigh.

"Long time no see, Tony!" The boy giggled into Tony's neck as Tony stood there, blinking, his arms out to his sides to avoid returning the hug.

Who the hell was this kid?

Maria huffed and gave him that look that Tony knew he had to succumb to. So he conceded, and let his muscles relax slightly, giving the kid an awkward pat on the back with both of his hands.

Peter wasn't blind to the older boy's obvious discomfort and pulled away quickly after receiving a few pats on the back. Peter could feel the heat blooming in his cheeks and huffed, his eyes finding the chocolate hardwood beneath his feet, as he tucked a curl behind his ear.

"S-Sorry. You p-probably don't remember m-me much. I'm P-Peter. Peter P-Parker." His eyes, though still towards the ground, were now following the way he wiggled his toes in his sunflower covered converse. He heard a gruff hmm resound from Tony's chest, and saw as the older boy's scuffed leather boots turned as he exited the room. Peter's head shot up and his hand reached out, as a silent squeak fell from his lips.

Peter thought maybe Tony would remember at least some of their childhood memories.

It would seem he had been horribly mistaken.

//Here we go again, we're sick like animals, we play pretend. You're just a cannibal and I'm afraid I wont get out alive. No, I won't sleep tonight//

Peter was trying his absolute best to belong here. But it didn't seem all that meant to be. He was attending Midtown High with Tony and was keeping up amazingly academically. Socially? He was totally falling short. That accompanied with the minor detail that he was sharing a house with Tony who apparently hated his guts? It made it hard to even pretend that he would make it here eventually let alone belong here in this moment. Peter knew that Maria was doing everything she could to make him feel at home, and be the accommodating mother and host that she could be, but Peter was incredibly alone.

It hadn't been a particularly good day. One of Tony's friends, by extension he claimed, Flash, was constantly on Peter's ass. Constantly nagging at him, putting him down, beating him. Today, he had managed a firm right hook to Peter's eye socket and he was feeling the repercussions of that vividly. His left eye was swollen shut and it throbbed, though not nearly as badly as his brain that had been so thoroughly rattled within his skull.

Peter, on his way home from school, had stopped at Delmar's to grab a shitty pair of sunglasses in a poor attempt to hide the inflamed eye, then quickly made his way home.

When Peter came in the door, Tony stood there looking absolutely pissed.

How dandy.

"Where the hell were you? Huh? You fucking punk, making me fucking get in trouble with my mom 'n shit."

Peter's eyes had found his yellow shoes again as he attempted to reconcile the situation, and kindle his relationship with Tony. Peter hadn't even given a thought to the fact that Peter and Tony were supposed to arrive home together. He was too busy well...getting his skull bashed in?

"I-I'm really sorry Tony. I h-had to talk to M-Mr. Harrington a-about D-Decathlon s-stuff." He shuffled his feet in a sorry attempt to shake his anxiety and continued on, "I p-promise I'll tell Maria it was my f-fault."

Though he wasn't looking directly at him, he could see Tony take brisk steps towards him, and his rough, calloused fingers caught his jaw, tugging it upward in a painfully sharp motion, jolting his brain yet again. Peter winced and Tony rolled his eyes.

"That ain't gonna fucking cut it this time, Kid. I'm tired of your stupid bullshit. Just fucking be on time tomorrow."

Tony released him and Peter let out a frustrated huff, before he burst out, "Y-You don't get to t-treat me this way! I d-deal with all this stupid shit a-at school and t-then I c-come h-here and t-this place is supposed to be my h-home too! I'm s-supposed to f-feel safe here a-and you t-treat me just like y-your s-stupid friends do. I h-haven't done anything to you. So w-why do you keep h-hurting me?"

Tony's eyes found Peter as the younger boy tore off the cheap sunglasses and sighed, attempting to wipe the tears away from his swollen eye, before stalking off to his room.

Tony was stupidly oblivious to other's feelings, of that he was painfully aware, but up until this point, he hadn't cared.

After Tony had collected his thoughts and believed he had given Peter a reasonably amount of time to calm down, he brought the kid an ice pack.

//Oh, oh I want some more. Oh, oh what are you waitin' for? Take a bite of my heart tonight. Oh, oh I want some more. Oh, oh what are you waitin' for? What are you waitin' for? Say goodbye to my heart tonight//

Peter could see that Tony was making a conscious effort. He was sending him small smiles, walking him to some of his classes to ensure he wouldn't be bothered, and when they were in the house he'd occasionally come and check on him. It made Peter beam. It seemed that things were looking upwards for both him, and his relationship with Tony.

In return, Peter made sure to cover for Tony if he decided to sneak out and do "senior things," whatever the hell that had meant, Peter wasn't entirely sure. He had guessed it had to do with things of an illicit nature, but was never confident enough to ask. He was perfectly content with the silent agreement the two of them had, having each others backs without having to explicitly state it.

Tonight wasn't at all what Peter had been expecting. Tony had snuck out, as he usually had on the weekends, but tonight he arrived home much earlier than usual. He stumbled in the front door, as Peter sat on the couch, working diligently on his homework. When Peter heard the front door his eyes shot upward, and saw a stumbling Tony. Peter, being Peter, was extremely concerned and ran to his side.

"T-Tony? Are you hurt? D-Do you need medical attention?" Peter's eyes raked Tony's body for any sign of bodily fluids, bruises, or broken bones, but couldn't find any. At Peter's concern, Tony chuckled, with a lazy side smirk.

"Don't be so concerned, kid. I'm just cross-faded as fuck right now." He laughed at himself, and Peter gave him a look that screamed I have no clue what the hell that means. With a gentle roll of his eyes, Tony took the kid’s arm and dragged him up the stairs towards the older boy's bedroom.

When Peter stood at the threshold, his eyes were wide, in utter awe that he was finally allowed in here, with Tony's permission. The older kid rolled his eyes and waved him in as he collapsed upon his bed, patting the space beside him.

Peter took hesitant steps towards the bed, and awkwardly seated himself on the bed's edge.

"D-Do you need anything, Tony? W-Water or something?" Tony just stared at the boys face: his flushed cheeks and button nose. But he couldn't tear his eyes away from the way the light hit the kid's whiskey colored eyes, or the golden flecks within them.

"Nah kid, 'm alright." Tony smiled gently before he scoffed, "dude, stop sitting there all awkward and just lay on the damn bed."

Peter was slightly shocked by the words, but nodded and shimmied his way onto the bed, as Tony watched and laughed softly. After the two were laid side by side, the room was filled with silence, and Peter took a glance at Tony. The older boy looked positively delicious, in his dark, fitted Black Sabbath shirt, glancing off at the ceiling as if contemplating the meaning of his existence, before his eyes found Peter's. Peter's thoughts ceased as Tony's eyes found his and he stared into their abysmal brown hue. Peter hadn't noticed the way he hesitantly gravitated towards Tony, until the older boy spoke and broke him from his thoughts.

"Pete...do you...do you like it here?"

Peter was genuinely taken aback by his question, and quirked his eyebrow as he gave the question some thought.

"A-At first...not really. Maria tried to make it nice. I tried hard to convince myself it was nice. After M-May...after May p-passed and I came here, nothing seemed to fit me quite right. I didn't belong at school, I didn't belong here, y-you," His voice trembled, and he forced himself to close his eyes, take a deep breath and proceed, "y-you hadn't remembered me at all, and we were so c-close, and y-you...you h-hated my guts and I didn't know why."

Peter's eyes found Tony's again, as the older boy let out a soft sigh, before those calloused fingers delicately took Peter's soft buttery hands between them.

"Fuck I'm-," another exasperated sigh leaves Tony's plump lips, "I'm so sorry, Pete. I promise that you belong here, and that I'll treat you better, treat you like you deserve--no, better than you deserve. You deserve better than this, but you belong here, with m-well w-with us."

A small smile graced Tony's features and Peter thought he could melt into those hands like putty if he smiled at him like that again. By now Peter's cheeks were aflame and he wished he could hide his face within the sheets, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from Tony's. There was too much residing within them, so much passion and drive, and so Peter just stared.

"But I t-think I belong here with you, now."

//Here we are again, I feel the chemicals kickin' in. It's gettin' heavier, I wanna run and hide. I wanna run and hide. I do it every time, you're killin' me now. And I won't be denied by you, the animal inside of you.//

Tony had made good on his promise. Though he didn't remember making it, Tony treated Peter better than before. He walked him to his classes and even waited around after school if the younger boy had a club meeting. Occasionally Tony would sling his arm over Peter's shoulder and Peter would turn his head away as his cheeks lit on fire. Peter didn't mind belonging with Tony.

It made him feel whole, and appreciated and loved.

Not that Tony had any clue, because he was always oblivious, or so Peter thought.

After Tony had taught Peter what in the hell cross-faded had exactly meant, Peter thought that he could give drugs and alcohol a go. If Tony was there with him. He was unsure about being in that sort of state of mind by himself or at a party, the task seemed a little daunting.

So the two sat upon Tony's bed, as Tony pressed the small bits of marijuana in the small bowl. Tony was a little worried about the younger kid trying a bowl, but he was out of rolling paper so this would have to do.

The stench wasn't exactly pleasant, and it made Peter's stomach turn alongside the concept of getting possibly caught by Maria or Howard.

"Tony a-are you sure they won't be back tonight?"

"Aye, Pete, I told you a hundred times, they're out of the state and won't be back for a couple days. Calm down. You're gonna be alright. I'll be right here the whole time, kid."

"O-Okay." Tony looked up from his handiwork to give Peter a reassuring smile, and in return the kid smiled and awkwardly chuckled.

"Y-You're friends p-probably weren't this jumpy were they?"

"Eh," Tony shrugged, flicking the lighter a few times before a flame actually appeared, "everyone is a little nervous their first time Pete. You're no different than them."  Tony waived the flame gently over the bits packed into the bowl, before placing his finger over the hole, inhaling gently as the smoke filled up the glass, before releasing his finger, and inhaling deeply. He let the smoke sit in his lungs, permeate the organs, before exhaling.

Peter watched the scene in awe, and bit his lip to contain himself as a result of how hot the action was. How Tony seemed confident in his motions, how the smoke blew from his lips, and the look of transcendence and dare he say bliss on Tony's face?

"You catch any of that, kid?" Tony asked before he turned to look at Peter who was staring back at him in awe. Tony chuckled gently before lighting the bowl again, and holding it up to Peter's lips. They had a good system going. Peter just inhaling and exhaling and Tony working the mechanics of the bowl that Peter was clearly clueless on.

Peter felt the back of his throat go numb, and coughed repeatedly. For a second, Tony was worried the kid would either puke or choke, but after tossing the kid a water bottle he settled down.

"H-Hey, Tony?"

"Yeah, kid?" Tony was working on taking his own drag before he glanced over and saw the kid’s eyes were a little bloodshot already.

"Is....is any of this real? Am...am I here right now?" Peter's eyes were wide as he slowly looked around the room, as if trying to gauge just how real this situation was. Tony chuckled and nodded his head, smoke dispersing from his lips and seeping out his nose.

"Yeah, kid this is all real. You and I are just chilling out in here." Peter smiled at that and Tony let out a breathy laugh. Tony didn't expect him to be this out of it, this early in the game, but he didn't mind. Peter's face scrunched up before he laid his head in Tony's lap as Tony scoffed. He was a cuddly one. But Tony wouldn't deny him that, so he gently carded his fingers through the younger boy’s soft hair as he spoke.

"Tony..." The boy hesitated, as he reached his hands upwards, taking the hand that Tony had within the boy’s locks between his soft fingers, fiddling with the calloused ones.

"W-Will you take c-care of me? N-Now that May is g-gone?" At this point Tony couldn't tell if the boy's eyes were bloodshot and glassy as a result of the paraphernalia or if he was on the verge of tears. Tony closed his eyes and let out a tight sigh, rubbing his thumbs over the back of Peter's hands.

"Yeah, Pete. I'll take care of you. You'll be okay here with us." He smiled gently down at the younger boy, and the boy gently returned it. Peter sat himself upwards, his hands still gripping Tony's tightly, as if that was the only thing grounding him in this wonky state of mind.

"You h-have really nice hands." Peter takes his lips between his teeth as he stares down at Tony's thick, rough fingers, caressing the pads of them gently. At this Tony laughs, a deep resounding laughter that fills Peter up with something akin to warmth and happiness.

"Thanks, Pete. Yours are nice too. Really soft. You use moisturizer?" Peter's giggles are soft and airy, and Tony thinks that he wouldn't mind hearing that forever. On a loop.

"No! I don't use moisturizer!" Another bout of giggles from Peter that reverberate warmly within Tony's chest. After his laughter has died down, Peter finds himself gravitating a little too close to Tony, but it's too late, because in his hazy state of mind he's crawled into Tony's lap and his head is tucked into the older boy's neck.

Tony doesn't breath, doesn't allow himself to touch the younger boy, and it's obvious to the kid.

"Y-You used to hold me like this as a kid. U-Used to take c-care of me." The boy sniffed and Tony's immediate reaction was to cuddle him close.

"Hey, kid, I told you that I've got you. I'm gonna take care of you, and you're gonna be okay. No need to get upset." His right hand was cupping Peter's head, gently running his fingers through his hair, and the other resided upon the boy's back, running his palm comfortingly over the expanse of his t-shirt.

Peter let himself be cradled for a few moments, enjoy the warmth radiating from Tony's body, and the feeling of being wrapped in security before he pulled back, and Tony looked at him with a curious face.

Peter let his eyes wander, from Tony's messy locks, to his quirked eye brow, to his intense gaze, his long pretty lashes, to the cute slope of his nose, the sharp cupid's bow and plump lower lip, to the stubble on the older boy's chin as Peter bit his lip.

"C-Can I uhh....can I kiss you?" The question took Tony aback, but he laughed gently before responding.

"I don't know if that's a good idea, Pete-" his words were stifled by the pressure of baby soft plush lips pressed against his, and the complete loss of any thoughts flowing within his head.

The kid was by no means experienced but it hadn't mattered. Though sloppy, it was endearing the amount of passion and excitement Tony could feel through the gentle way their lips molded together. One kiss turned to two, turned to four, 'til the pair weren't going to pull away despite needing air. Peter's finger were tangled in Tony's hair, and the hand Tony previously had within the boy's hair had now found his chin and was delicately cupping it. Peter was the one that conceded, only gently releasing the other boy's lips before gulping for air and releasing a content sigh.

"That hair," the kid huffs again as a bright smile lights up his face, "it drives me absolutely crazy."

//Oh, oh I want some more. Oh, oh what are you waitin' for? Take a bite of my heart tonight. Oh, oh I want some more. Oh, oh what are you waitin' for? What are you waitin' for? Say goodbye to my heart tonight//

With Tony's consent, Peter clung onto him. Constantly at his side, providing him with company and intriguing conversations. The two were practically inseparable. Tony had introduced Peter to his friends and though they were hesitant, eventually they took to liking Peter. Tony met Peter's friends Ned and MJ, and though Peter was nervous that Tony wouldn't appreciate how quirky and dorky the two were, Tony melded along with them just fine.

At the moment the two were wrapped in each other's arms, tangled within Tony's sheets just basking in each other's presence before the younger boy spoke.

"Umm...T-Tony? I was w-wondering if maybe you'd f-feel comfortable doing m-more than j-just kissing?" Peter's face was tucked into Tony's side, though despite being muffled, Tony heard him loud and clear, and chuckled gently.

"Oh yeah? And do what? Make out?" The older boy teased, and received a slap on the arm, Peter's face growing hotter by the second.

"N-No you jerk. You know exactly what I m-mean." Tony's fingers found Peter's chin and tugged his face up, so the boy was forced to look him in the eye.

"No, I don't believe I do. I'll do whatever you'd like, you just have to say the word, baby boy." Peter's eyes widened and the heat in his cheeks intensified at the pet name.

"W-Well umm...c-could we make love?" Peter's lip was tucked between his teeth, and thought it was one of Tony's favorite sights, he was far too enthralled with the endearing manner with which Peter had asked him that question.

"For you baby? Of course."

_________________________________________

Hey there stranger, check me out on AO3 will ya? 

Sorry if this sucks btw, I really gave it my all, but I’m honestly so tired

[lililiyababe]

a shot in the dark | k.mg

→ paring: kim mingyu x reader

→ genre: college!au//fluff

→ warnings: alcohol (duh)

→ word count: 1.8k

→ summary: when mingyu’s friends drag him out to a club, he realizes that stepping out of his comfort zone is more beneficial than he originally thought 

→ a/n: this was written for our sweet puppy boy’s birthday!! i love you kim mingyu and hope that you make wonderful memories on this wonderful day <3

prompt: all our friends are drunk

Mingyu knew this was an awful idea.

He never was one for wild parties or huge birthday celebrations, nor did he ever believe that his friends would try to make a big deal out of turning another year older. When they found out his birthday fell on the weekend this year, they whooped and hollered, insisting that they had to go out, have fun, cut loose, and whatever other euphemism they could think of for getting blackout drunk. He vividly remembered dismissively waving his hand, a chuckle rumbling in his chest as he rejected the idea. “Thanks, but if you insist on celebrating my birthday, I’d much rather get some good food, have a couple beers, and maybe watch a movie.” That was his idea of a perfectly wonderful birthday spent with his friends.

Which is why he was completely baffled upon finding himself stuck in a crowded, noisy club with a beer in his hand and his back against the bar, surrounded by his screaming friends on the eve of his birthday.

It’s not that Mingyu didn’t enjoy a good party; he was never one to turn in early or hush the rambunctiousness that inevitably ensued whenever his closest friends came to his place. He never turned down a drink in these moments, where his idiocy was confined within familiar walls. He could laugh comfortably, talk unabashedly, even scream if he so desired. But something about being in public unsettled Mingyu, as if everyone was pretending to be nice only to mock him behind his back—in short, clubs made him uncomfortable. Paranoid, even.

And then, of course, there was you.

His eyes found your figure as soon as they adjusted to the darker atmosphere of the building. While you had been laughing with a group people Mingyu recognized from around campus—namely Vernon, Seokmin, and Chan, along with a few others—as the night carried on, he noticed you hadn’t let a single drop of liquor pass by your lips. He wondered if you were uncomfortable around the boys, or if perhaps you were unfortunate enough to be deemed the designated driver for the evening. Regardless, Mingyu was intrigued, and although he found his palms sweating and a lump forming in his throat, he figured attempting to talk to you would be far better than dealing with the chaotic shouts of his friends.

“Uhm,” he tapped lightly on your shoulder as he approached you from behind, his eyes widening a bit as you jumped slightly in response. “Did...did I scare you?” he asked dumbly before scrunching up his nose in self-disapproval. “Ah, I mean...is this seat taken?”

You smiled in response to his sudden bombardment of questions, yet gestured to the empty stool next to you nevertheless. “Not at all. Care to join me?”

“Yeah,” he smiled as he scooted the stool closer to you. “My name’s Mingyu,” he offered you a small nod, and his hand awkwardly shifted by his side, almost as if it were debating whether or not he should attempt to shake your hand or if that would be too formal, too forced. It opted to settle in his lap as he swallowed that same lump that made his mouth run dry.

“I know,” you replied cheerily. “We were partners for that one psychology assignment, remember?”

Mingyu remembered vividly, and not just because your captivating features made it difficult to forget the meetings the two of you had in the library and the way that you smiled whenever Mingyu cracked a lame joke. One particular morning, you had even brought him a donut and a coffee. Because it’s early, you reasoned, and I feel bad for dragging you out of bed.

After that, he knew that he needed to see you again, maybe even on a more intimate level than just partners for one small assignment, but his fear always got the best of him. Until now, when he had only the slightest buzz warming his cheeks, that is.

Bringing himself back to reality, Mingyu responded with a simple, “Right...” He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and allowed his gaze to fall anywhere except for onto your smaller figure, suddenly realizing that, truly, he didn’t expect to get this far. He was unsure of what he actually thought he would do after working up the courage to sit beside you, and as every second of silence passed, Mingyu’s heart fell further into his stomach. “Sooo...” 

“Word on the street is it’s your birthday today,” you turned to him, and there was a certain glimmer in your eye that caught him off guard for a brief moment. Wow, he had to refrain from whispering carelessly into the space between the two of you. He had to refrain from absent-minded confessions a lot whenever he was in your presence. 

“Right.” The word came out definitively, and he shook his head slightly in an effort to clear it. “It is. Who...” he scratched the back of his neck, “who told you?”

“I did!” A sing-songy voice cut into the conversation, effectively causing both relief and annoyance to wash over Mingyu’s tense figure. He could feel its owner breathing down his neck while an arm slipped over his shoulder and the stench of alcohol overpowered his senses. Jeonghan leaned in dangerously close to Mingyu’s cheek as he swayed about, a cup in his hand and a proud grin brightening his delicate countenance. 

“Hi, Hannie,” you addressed him sweetly, and Mingyu could detect the hint of forced patience in your tone, as if you were talking to a small child rather than a wasted college junior. 

He giggled, a sound that Mingyu heard often from him but was heightened further by the liquor in his bloodstream. “Hi, Y/N.” He sounded slightly too flirtatious for Mingyu’s liking, but, oddly, it didn’t seem to phase you since he was turning his attention back to the birthday boy. “You aren’t mad that I told her, right? I just didn’t want you to be alone on your birthday, ‘Gyu.” He was settling himself on Mingyu’s lap now, pulling from him a shy smile and a pair of raised eyebrows. You, on the other hand, were incredibly amused. 

“I wouldn’t have been alone, Han. You guys brought me here.”

“Ah! But isn’t Y/N so pretty?” Jeonghan sighed, placing his head against Mingyu’s as he admired you. You, of course, laughed, and Mingyu watched with delight as a small blush dusted your cheeks. 

“No, no, I’m not all that—”

“Mingyu sure thinks so!” Jeonghan blurted out, causing panic to swell in Mingyu’s irisises as he cursed his friend’s big mouth. Silently, he wondered if you’d judge him for slapping a hand over it and excusing himself before any more could be said. “He thinks you’re real cute. Isn’t that right, Min—”

“So the party’s over here now?” A boy Mingyu recognized as Lee Chan slid up beside you, and he had never been more grateful for an interruption in his life. Mingyu could feel his eyes scanning him up and down, and while he was unsure of his motives, Chan must have liked whatever he found because he offered him a friendly smile and congratulated him on his birthday. The lump in Mingyu’s throat dropped suddenly into his stomach, however, as Chan eyebrows crinkled in confusion. “Hey, why don’t you have a drink? Here, I’ll get you one.”

But Mingyu stopped him before he could turn to leave. “No, uh, no thank you. I’m good.”

“You don’t drink?” Chan’s eyebrows were practically brushing against the soft locks that rested atop of his forehead. 

He simply shook his head in response as Chan shared a knowing look with you. “Not tonight, at least,” Mingyu was going to clarify, but his hoard of friends found him soon enough, and they all greeted him with an uproar of his name and various forms of affection that unintentionally invaded his personal space. 

“Come on, dude! Let’s dance!” One of them suggested, although he wasn’t quite sure who because everything was such a blur that, before he knew it, he was somehow lifted to his feet and was being pushed toward the dance floor. His arm reached out for you subconsciously, and had you not held onto his fingers as tightly as you did, had it not been for the beautiful, enchanting smile that tugged at your cheeks, Mingyu would have felt like an idiot. 

The dance floor was nothing more than a sticky mesh of bodies, and without your fingers interlocked with his own, he surely would have become lost in between the deep resonance of the base and the unrhythmic collisions of the other dancers. Mingyu only saw glimpses of faces, of colors, and only heard snippets of voices, for all of his senses were being pushed to their very limits. He could feel the vibrations of the music in his lungs, taste the foulness of the bottle, smell the sweat the dripped onto the dingy floor boards. 

In the midst of the madness, as his friends screamed and jumped around like dogs without leashes, your body somehow curled against his own. He couldn’t remember how his arms wrapped themselves against you, nor did he complain as your back settled firmly against his chest. Rather than sweat, Mingyu focused on the scent of your shampoo as your head rested against his shoulder. His bottled-up confessions tempted his tongue once more, but rather than fighting against his own heart, Mingyu finally allowed it to speak freely.

“Jeonghan was right earlier, you know,” He spoke matter-of-factly as his lips nestled by the shell of your ear. “About me thinking you’re really pretty.” He wanted to ensure you could hear him over the noise of the club, over the craziness of his friends, and over the beating of his own heart. 

He felt your body shake with a small laugh. “I thought you weren’t drunk?” you asked innocently, and his eyes, fixated on the graceful curve of your lips, watched them pull into a sheepish grin. 

“I don’t...W-well I mean, I’m not now.” 

“Then why are you saying such bold things?” All playfulness had left your tone as you turned to face him. His gaze fastened to yours, and he noticed for the first time the intricacies that resided within your irises. He decided that was probably his new favorite color because it was so addictively, uniquely you that he couldn’t help but fall for its charm. 

“Maybe the idea of being with you is intoxicating to me.” He was joking, of course he was, for he could never bring himself to genuinely attempt such a cheesy line. And while you both shared a faint laugh at the utter ridiculousness, Mingyu’s grip on around you tightened as if to plead for even more closeness, and you happily obliged to his silent wishes. 

Yes, Mingyu knew this was an awful idea. Falling for someone as clever and magnificent as yourself whose breath against his lips drove him absolutely mad was incredibly dangerous. So many things could go horribly wrong; heartbreak was inevitable. But Mingyu never was one for logic, nor did he have the willpower to ignore the glimmer of hope that he held for you, the light that continually shines in the distance. 

[bensboynton]

Good Enough b.h;Part 3

word count: 4.1k ish

warnings: fluffy, lots of grammar errors sorry, VERY TINY bit of angst

surprise! hope you enjoy this very fluffy chapter to make up for the last part. enjoy<3

also thank you so much for the support on this series. it’s my first one and means SO SO much to me. <3

figured i need to clear up that lucy IS in fact involved in the book(reader’s bestfriend), but she doesn’t play mary in borhap. 

ONE MORE THING there’s a flashback in this chapter and it’s in italics just to let y’all know. 

recap

Yet somehow, even after the most violent break up of your life, you had never felt so accepted and genuinely cared for in your entire life. Ben’s arm was now wrapped around your fatigued body, your head still on his shoulder, the TV in the dressing room was on, and you were surrounded by your new family. Strangely, you had never felt more wanted in all of your years of existence.

This feeling of comfort was just enough to lull you to sleep in the middle of the evening, sitting on an uncomfortable couch, slouched over and your neck already beginning to stiffen.

But somehow, through all of this, you managed to feel one overwhelming thing for the first time in your life; inner peace.

You really, really, hated being the damsel in distress.

It’s been your biggest pet peeve for as long as you could remember. Watching these big, multi-million dollar movies display a beautiful woman who was too weak-minded to save herself made you sick.

You’d always grimace in disgust at Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella because all of their problems suddenly were solved because some big strong man in shiny armor showed up.

Since then, you promised yourself you wouldn’t let that be you.

Granted, you knew you wouldn’t fall asleep for 100 years and be awoken by the kiss of an attractive prince, but you promised yourself you would never, EVER, become dependent on a man.

Not for money, happiness, sex, anything. You were going to be completely self-sufficient. This wasn’t to be mistaken for you swearing off men, because you loved men, but you needed to be sure that you could still be you even if you were involved in a relationship.

And that’s why Y/BF/N made you so fucking angry.

He made you break your promise to yourself. You swore that you wouldn’t let him complete you, that you wouldn’t need him.

But sitting here you started to realize just how much you yearned for him in your life.

You two had been distant the past few months, sure. But he was always there. Whether in person, over the phone, or his grip on your mentality. And now you were sitting here on this couch with your head on Ben’s shoulder pretending to be asleep when really, all you were doing was thinking with your eyes closed.

You suddenly didn’t have an all-seeing gaze resting over your shoulder every minute of the day. You didn’t have to deal with phone calls constantly asking where you were and who you were with.

But, the worst part is you felt empty and mindless. You didn’t know who you were. What did you wear when you didn’t have an omniscient gaze telling you ‘I think you should wear this dress.” What music did you like? You didn’t know after spending a lifetime turning on pop when you actually wanted to listen to rock, but you couldn’t because you knew he didn’t like it.

How did you like to do your makeup? What was your favorite color to wear? How did you like to do your hair when you didn’t think about having to please another human?

All very valid questions you had no fucking idea how to answer.

It’s exhausting not only worrying about being a functioning human, but also having to worry about the thoughts/feelings/emotional stability of another person you’re tied too in every way except physical.

This jumbled mess of thoughts was bumped from your head when you felt two very muscular and warm arms wrap around you to pick you up. You kept up your sleepy act, not paying much attention to the urgent whispering around you, presumably from Rami and Joe.

A large piece of fabric was thrown on top of you, and after a split-second peak, you could see it was Ben’s jacket. The brisk London air almost made you jump as it washed over your skin, and you felt goosebumps start to form on your arms.

Ben pulled you a little closer, whether it was for your own warmth or his, you didn’t know. After what felt like an eternity of walking in complete silence, he adjusted the way he was holding you so he could open what you assumed was your trailer door. He lightly closed the door with his foot, only to walk over and gently place you on your bed. He pulled the covers back and placed them over your still slightly shivering body, and turned to walk away.

You acted on impulse and grabbed his hand, his eyes whipping around in surprise.

“Stay.” you murmured, causing Ben’s arm to tense.

“Are you sure?” he spoke back, his voice barely audible. You glanced up at him with puffy, tired eyes.

“Don’t think it’s too good for me to be alone right now.” you croaked out, slightly louder. You could see his facial expression soften slightly.

“Alright. Let me go grab a pillow from my trailer and a blanket to set up on the floor-” he began, before you cut him off.

“Just lay with me. Please.”

You hated how whiny and desperate your voice sounded right now, but you needed someone to talk to and human contact more than anything in this world. And here was Ben, standing right in front of you in all his blonde haired, green-eyed glory, looking at you similar to the way he was a few weeks ago.

“Jesus Christ, if I had nuts they’d be frozen right now,” you murmured, running your hands up and down your arms.

“Y/N, come over here we want to get a few pictures with you!” Joe yelled at you from across the set. You put down your glass of hot cocoa and awkwardly jogged over to the tiny mattress the four of your cast mates were cuddling on, a fluffy red blanket covering them. The photographer was waiting expectantly to the side as you stared at the already full mattress.

Well… guess it’ll be warmer there then just standing off to the side with your hot chocolate.

“Mary needs to lay by Freddie, I’m presuming?” you giggled as you climbed over the mass of bodies. Freddie laughed and nodded in response. Or was it Rami? Sometimes you really couldn’t tell.

You clumsily clambered into the bed, in-between Rami and Joe as Gwilym mumbled something about only having one ass cheek on the mattress.

When you were finally situated, the photographer climbed on his step stool and started taking pictures of you all. Joe kept cracking jokes, causing all of you to laugh and simultaneously push Gwil off the bed. (He was beginning to get fed up with your bullshit)

Joe, Rami, and Gwil finally rolled off the mattress once the photographer was done, leaving you and Ben still under the covers. You spread out a bit, looking over at Ben.

“I think I might stay here. I’m freezing,” you said, pulling the fluffy blanket up to your chin as another wave of chills is sent down your spine.

“It is quite cold in here, innit?” Ben spoke soon after, mimicking you and pulling the comforter up further on his body. You chewed the bottom of your lip as you looked at Ben, realizing that you were still cold.

You could lay here, under this thin blanket and freeze, or make your way closer to the other human body who seems to be radiating warmth that’s within arm’s distance from you.

It wouldn’t be weird, would it? I mean, you and Ben were best friends, practically family. You didn’t want to overthink it. So, on impulse, you rolled over and found your body pushed flush up against Ben, causing him to flinch in surprise.

“Sorry. I’m just really, really, cold,” you said, curling up into Ben’s chest. You couldn’t see, but Ben’s face was as red as the blanket you two were laying under. He tried to compose himself, and slowly wrapped his arm around you and rubbed your exposed arms.

“Jesus, you are cold.” Ben laughed out, his voice soft and smooth like caramel. It sent shivers down your spine, but you couldn’t really differentiate where your shivers were coming from.

Ben was like a radiator, generating the heat you so desperately needed. And after finally warming up, you found yourself falling asleep in his arms on a mattress in the middle of a busy set.

And you didn’t know, but his heart was pounding so hard he could feel it all the way in the tips of his toes.

You looked up to meet the soft look of admiration and something else in his eyes, but he wiped the grin off his face quickly when he noticed you were looking. You put your head on Ben’s chest, and he comfortingly rubbed your back, humming along to some song you’d never heard before.

The combination of all this had lulled you to sleep without a second thought.

It felt like months ago when this happened, but it was only last week. You shuddered at how time was passing in a fucked up, slow but also vividly fast way on the set of this movie. It was hard to explain. And you were too tired to try to explain.

Looking up at Ben’s piercing green eyes soften as you pleaded with him to stay would’ve been enough to make your knees go weak if you were standing. Thank God you weren’t.

Ben still stood there, his heartbreaking as his mind grazed over the events of the past few hours. You had really been through it. And he definitely didn’t want to say no to you and make you more upset after breaking up with your boyfriend and all.

Not that he would’ve even considered saying no in the first place.

He never liked him. From the way you talked about him, to the damper he put on your mood when he called, Ben just hated him. And he didn’t have to see him to just know he was a piece of shit.

Like… come on. Ben thought you were one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen(but he hadn’t told you this, of course) and it outraged him that Y/BF/N had the nerve to treat you like you were disposable. Replaceable.

So, he knew he couldn’t leave. You were a fragile mess, mentally and physically. Both of you knew that the wrong tone of voice or too rough of touch would shatter you into a thousand tiny pieces for the second time today.

Ben walked around to the other side of the bed and slipped his shoes off, delicately placing them to the side as he slid under the sheets, furrowing his eyebrows at the sight of you trying to hold back tears again.

He moved up behind you, softly flipping you around to face him and he pulled you into his chest, allowing you to snuggle your face into his t-shirt. His long arms were wrapped around you, and the two of you couldn’t get closer than you were right at that moment.

You could smell the remnants of his last smoke break lingering on his shirt, and the smell of Ben that words couldn’t possibly describe, but it was just so authentically him. The tears that were leaking out of your eyes were making a wet spot, and if Ben couldn’t tell you were crying before, he could definitely tell now.

The two of you stayed like for a really long time. It was like you two needed each other in a really strange way. You were holding each other so desperately tight, trying to keep yourselves as close together as humanly possible. It was like you would be allergic to any space between you.

You’re not quite sure how long Ben had to sit there and watch you stir in agonizing pain, but it was for a long time. The sun had begun to send spots of light shooting across the dark sky, canceling out the bright white light of the moon.

It was laughable really, that you could compare yourself to the moon.

You had loved him a lot. So much so that you would extinguish yourself, water yourself down to allow him to shine. Just like the moon did every day for the sun at dawn. And you looked up at the bright white rock as she wistfully faded from existence and felt your consciousness start to fade as well.

The tears sliding down your cheeks littered with star-like freckles had ceased to exist, and Ben was lightly snoring above you, still holding you tight to stop you from breaking.

You lightly pulled your head back and admired the jawline of this blonde man laying in your bed, only memories of the galaxies in his eyes remaining in your head.

And you looked at him and wondered what would come of this. This. Whatever this was. Would he fade into the background of the other stars in the sky? Or perhaps become a new blinding sun?

You wanted nothing more than to run into his open arms and fall to pieces in his grasp but that would be going up against everything that you had promised yourself you wouldn’t do since you saw Cinderella for the first time.

You had already let one man uproot your entire existence, you didn’t want to make the same mistake again. (No matter how badly you wanted to)

You could only hope that tomorrow the dull ache in your chest would subside, and maybe you’d attempt to get everything that has to do with your life back on track. With one last look at the ball of light cuddling you to his chest, you let your heavy eyelids droop closed, pushing you into a deep, deep, sleep.

–

“Y/N? Love, wake up.”

You stirred gently, rubbing your eyes as you were slowly brought back to your senses. That had been one of the best but simultaneously worst sleeps you’ve ever had.

You finally opened your eyes enough to see Ben sitting cross-legged on the bad, eyes searching you with caution and worry, almost scared that you’ll break.

“Hi.” you croaked out, followed by a hoarse cough. You don’t think you’ve ever been this thirsty in your entire life.

“Here, drink some water it might help. You’re probably severely dehydrated.” Ben spoke. He sounded like an overbearing mom. But, you honestly didn’t mind it.

After downing the glass of water in silence, you finally looked up at Ben, and you could tell you looked like a mess. “Thank you for staying with me last night,” you felt your face flush red as you slowly remembered everything that took place, “I’m actually kind of embarrassed. I fell apart.” you uttered, your voice barely above a whisper. Ben’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Why would you be embarrassed? That assho-” Ben began, before pausing slightly, “that man waltzed in here and treated you like the scum on the bottom of his shoe. You had every right to react the way you did.” He took a deep breath, looking down at his hands in his lap.

The sun pouring through the gaps in the curtains behind him made him literally look like an angel- like seriously. You can’t make this shit up. The sun was creeping over his silhouette, leaving a gap of it’s light on the floor in the shape of his shadow.

“I just got out of a relationship not too long ago and I don’t think I’d still be breathing if it was half as violent as yours was,” he said breathily, picking at the pieces of lint on his sweatpants.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry, it’s not your fault. It was hers.”

You were skeptical about what happened, but also too scared to ask. If his breakup hurt half as bad as yours did, that was definitely a wound you didn’t want to open back up. But it seemed Ben could read your mind.

“She told me one day that she didn’t love me anymore. And spent a grand 15 minutes explaining why. Telling me everything I did wrong, what she didn’t like about me, what about me was an inconvenience to her,” he swallowed thickly, the silence in the room seeming to swallow the sound coming from his mouth whole, “and just like that, ten years of my life were down the drain.”

Ten years. Took you a second to regain your train of thought at that. Your longest relationship was 2 years and it just ended. You couldn’t imagine pouring everything you had into another person for ten years just for it to end. You physically grimaced at the thought.

“I’m really sorry you had to go through that,” you said, shattering the cloudy yet comfortable silence in the air yet again, “I can’t even imagine.”

“Yeah. Not the best experience of my life,” he sighed, and you could see the pain in the slight wrinkles on his forehead, “it’s what follows. The constant ‘what ifs’ and thinking about how inferior I am to everyone else, you know?”

You knew exactly what he meant. You nodded at his response quickly, cracking your neck as you tilted your head to the side. “It’s waking up every morning and wondering if you’re good enough.”

“Exactly.” he agreed, making a pointing gesture with his right hand, before continuing, “I don’t know if it’s any consolation, but I just wanted you to know I’ve been there. Not exactly- well- I mean- I haven’t been- you know-”

“Cheated on?” you finished sadly. He nodded slowly, studying your face.

“I just want you to know I’m here for you no matter what. I know we aren’t super close, but I have your back. You need me to go beat his ass? Give me a call. You need a shoulder to cry on? It must be your lucky day because I have two,” his speech made you giggle slightly, “I didn’t have anyone to help me deal with my breakup so if I could be any comfort, a confidant, whatever, I’d be glad to be there.”

You felt boiling hot tears well up in your eyes again, suddenly emotional at the idea that you weren’t as alone as you thought you were. You looked up to meet his eyes again and almost melted at the look on his face.

“Can I give you a hug?” you whimpered. A boyish grin slid its way onto his lips as he stood up, opening his arms. You practically threw yourself into his embrace, reveling in the way your face fit into his neck.

“Thank you for dropping everything for me. I know we aren’t extremely close either but… knowing I have someone is truly one of the most relieving feelings in the world.”

You could practically hear his smile.

Oddly, you took comfort in hearing the sad stories that Ben had previously kept hidden. After all, you were a writer, you took inspiration in people and stories and foundation’s of people and what made them tick.

You both sat there in completely comfortable silence, quietly enjoying just the company of another person who understands their pain, who knows what they’ve been through.

Ben momentarily glanced down at his phone, frowning as his eyes scanned a message on its fluorescent screen.

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it looks as if we’re needed on set within the next ten minutes,” Ben spoke sheepishly.

You grimaced, the idea of human interaction and a long day of work was not the ideal choice for you right now. Nonetheless, Ben left and you were alone in your trailer once again.

Strangely, your heart was beginning to feel a little bit more whole than it did yesterday. Maybe a night of someone excluded from the situation was what you needed.

But looking in the mirror that day, you felt something in your stomach at the idea of going out to set and seeing Ben again.

You shook your head wildly as you brushed through your knotted hair. You couldn’t do this. To Ben, or yourself. This couldn’t be a rebound or whatever the hell it was called. Ben was too pretty, too sharply chiseled, too emotionally in tune. Too normal for you. He would never want to go after someone that traveled to hundreds of different countries and performed in skimpy costumes on stages in front of thousands of people. Would he?

As you locked your trailer door behind you that day, you slowly tried to push any and all emotions that were beginning to fester in the pits of your stomach far, far away. This was not the time, nor place for that.

Walking to set, you grabbed your phone out of your pocket to see 63 missed text messages from Lucy. Rami must’ve told her.

You quickly shot back a response, telling her to come down to set at 2, when you wrapped for the day, and you would meet for lunch and explain the whole thing. She agreed, and you felt your heart soar at the idea of spending the day with your best friend.

You stepped into the studio, already being swept into hair and makeup to start shooting again. You pushed everything that related to you inside, trying to step inside the brain of Mary again, just for a few hours.

Rami sat down beside you, grabbing your hand and squeezing it reassuringly. “How you feeling?” he muttered his words quietly, as not to draw attention.

“Good. I think. Good as I can be for the moment.”

“Guess that’ll have to do.” the man joked, eliciting a playful eye roll out of you, “but really, are you good today? I could talk to the director-”

“Rami,” you spoke sternly, locking eyes with him, “I’m okay. I promise.”

You were okay. And if you weren’t okay now, you would be. And that was all the affirmation you needed to hear.

–

“I swear to god. I’m gonna kill him. I’m going to show up at his house at 2 in the morning, and kill him!”

“Luc, I appreciate the enthusiasm, really I do,” you bit your bottom lip as you spoke, “but I can’t have my best friend going to jail. I need your support.”

Lucy threw her head back in laughter, dipping one of her chicken nuggets in the shared cup of ranch between you two.

“I know I keep saying it, but you deserve so much better than that piece of dog shit, Y/N,” Lucy spoke yet again, munching thoughtfully on her fried piece of chicken.

“I know I know…” you hesitated slightly, not sure if you should tell her the other thing, “Lucy, there’s something else.”

She cocked her left eyebrow as she shoved a few french fries in her mouth. “Go on, I’m listening.”

“So I fell asleep on Ben’s shoulder after the whole ordeal and he carried me to his trailer and…” you trailed off, studying Lucy’s facial expression. She gasped so loud the couple sitting to the right of you stared at her disapprovingly.

She coughed, slightly choking on a french fry.

“You slept with Ben?!” she exclaimed in a sharp whisper. Your jaw fell open as your eyes widened.

“What? No, oh my god no. I asked him to stay with me and we kind of… um… cuddled?”

“Shut up. SHUT UP!”

“SHHHHHHH,” you laughed at your best friend who was about to bounce off the walls with her excitement, “it’s not that big of a deal.”

“Oh yeah, you spending an entire night cuddling with the man you can’t stop talking about ‘isn’t a big deal.”

“It’s not! He was just making sure I was okay,” you weren’t sure who you were trying to convince more. Lucy, or yourself.

“Mhm. Yeah. Definitely what it sounds like.”

You rolled your eyes at her, chomping down on a crunchy piece of lettuce in the salad in front of you. “Listen Y/N, all I’m saying is that Ben is a good guy. I’ve known him for a long time, and if you’re gonna take a gamble on anyone, it should be him.”

“Lucy, I told you I’m not dating anyone for the forseeable future. I got enough pain from the breakup yesterday to last me a lifetime.”

You physically shivered at the thought of yesterday, quickly trying to shove it out of your mind.

“Well, whatever happens, I’m here for you either way. I’ve got your back baby.” Lucy said, reaching over and grabbing your hand. You smiled at her. How did you get lucky enough to have such an amazing best friend?

“I think tonight calls for a face mask while watching shitty movies and eating even shittier food,” Lucy said nonchalantly, taking a sip from the sickly sweet bubble tea on the table.

“I agree.”

“So it’s settled!” she spoke giddily, clapping her hands in excitement, “Girls night!”

You couldn’t help but feel the same giddiness. After all, it was practically radiating off of her. Tonight would be good! A nice, calm night in with your favorite girl in the world and nothing could mess that up.

Or so you thought.

taglist: @sweetheartben @benhardyseyes @ziggyspurplehaze @mrsmazzello

[violin-and-schoolwork]

fate (joshua ff)

A small present for @hearteu33!

Inspired by @huisoons (via Twitter)

Words: 1796

I do not own the AU, Joshua, or Jess!

The red string of fate was a thing Joshua heard about constantly. His friends constantly fussed over the crimson thread that was looped onto their pinky fingers, musing over who their soulmate could be. While Joshua did occasionally fantasize about who it would be, he didn’t spend every waking moment obsessing over it.

He did wonder if meeting his soulmate was as glorious as people made it to be. Yeah, it was magical but there was always that fear that he’ll follow the string only to watch it get cut off or even worse- never end. Although he never knew what that would mean.

The first time he truly watched someone meet their soulmate was the first time he met the other members of his soon-to-be group. He recalled walking into the room, seeing a gaggle of guys all awkwardly shuffling around in a room when someone behind him entered, before shrieking like a pelican and collapsing. Soon, he would find out that Seokmin’s string had led him to another member, Jihoon.

He did appreciate and congratulate and enjoy seeing them be happy with each other. Occasionally, he could feel his string tug lightly when he was touring abroad but it wasn’t anything to worry about too much. He always was there for his members when they would burst into their dorm, their stunned soulmate dragged after them and scream about how they found the one.

Soon it was just him and Wonwoo, who somehow didn’t give any flying hoots about the bright string. It was peaceful night too, when Wonwoo told him that.

“It’s not like I’m avoiding them,” Joshua sighed, running his slender fingers through his hair, “I’m just unsure about what it’ll be like. What if they don’t like me? What if they’re dead? What if they don’t exist at all and this just exists for the sake of existing?”

Wonwoo grunted, glancing up from behind his spectacles, “Don’t talk nonsense; they exist alright. Be real, you have millions of fangirls around the world. Odds are that it’ll end up being one of them.”

He nodded, mumbling a word of thanks. Still unconvinced, he excused himself and head out into the streets, wanting to clear his head a little from the whole soulmate thing in general. Many students and young adults crowded the streets, chattering and snacking and doing whatever they do these days. His serene eyes glanced at how happy they seemed, too young to know what it was like to be so unsure. Too young to realize how romanticized all this was.

Wonwoo’s words kept tumbling in his brain, despite his efforts to push them away. He was probably correct, like always. He recalled the ways his members gushed about what it was like meeting their soulmate. How their strings practically dragged them to their beloved, how beautiful it all was, how happy they were.

You’re jealous. Jealous that they’re happy and you aren’t.

He stopped walking. No, why would he be jealous? He scolded the voice in his head. He was truly joyful for his fellow brotherly members; he had no reason to be jealous.

Stop lying. You had your chances to search for your soulmate but you threw it aside to be an idol.

Joshua tuned the voice out by humming a simple tune, in hopes that these scary thoughts would stop plaguing his already tired mind. And in that distracted moment, he felt someone bump- no, crash into him, knocking both of them over.

“I-I’m so sorry! It’s just that my string went crazy and I- Oh my god…,” the other person frantically apologized, leaping off of him and quickly scooping up her fallen belongings before her string caused her to crash into Joshua again.

“I-It’s fine… Are you alright?” He asked, seeing her hold her head in pain from the impact. Before she could answer, he felt his thread tug him hard into her. Soon enough, the two of them were sprawled out onto the street while passerby just giggled knowingly and walked by.

“So… uh… looks like you’re my soulmate,” Joshua awkwardly laughed, helping them up. Only then did he get a clear look at her face. The way her eyes sparkled despite the situation, the way her hair practically embraced her flawless face… He was a goner.

He would have kept staring if it weren’t for the strangled noise that came from his soulmate.

“Oh my god… Oh my god oh my god…!” She squeaked, covering her face with her hands the moment she laid eyes on him.

“Oh, don’t be scared! I won’t hurt you… What’s your name?” He politely asked, trying to coax her out of her panicked state.

“T-There’s something wrong… There’s no way that I’m your soulmate,” she managed out, before Joshua grabbed her hands gently and pulling her into a hug, hoping that his warmth would calm them. It seemed to have worked.

“Jess. You can call me Jess,” she murmured after recollecting herself, sheepishly smiling, unable to hide their euphoria.

“Jess, huh? It’s a pretty name fitting someone as pretty as you.” - This time it was him that ran excitedly into their dorm with Jess in tow. It was dream like, finally being able to love someone for sure, someone he could fuss over as much as she fussed over him.

He loved returning home after a long day to be greeted by a big grin and a welcoming hug and he adored surprising her with gifts, ranging from flowers to a dinner out. He wouldn’t swap that surprised expression that melted into pure happiness and love for anything.

And the cuddle sessions they had, curled up and basking in each other’s presence… He cherished the way he could nuzzle into her and murmur all the ways he loved her and hear her giggle in response and smooth his hair out in the way only lovers could.

As for that pesky string that started all of this… He enjoyed peeking over his shoulder whenever he was in the practice room to see it snaking out, knowing that on the other end would be Jess, the sunshine of his life and the only person that could make his heart race in the special way that it fluttered whenever he saw her. -

That day. He could remember it vividly, as much as he didn’t want to. The more Joshua tried to shove it far far away, the more clearly it would come back and taunt him of how useless he was when it came to the inevitable of this world.

And he despised it with his entire being. He loathed the fact that all he could do was reel in shock and just try to deny the hellish reality of finding his utopia, only to have it snatched away so quickly.

“Joshua! Joshua, you have to hurry!” Jeonghan wailed, kicking the door of the room he was practicing in down. Before he could protest, Mingyu and Seungcheol filed in, practically picking him up and throwing him into a car and speeding off.

“W-What happened? Is everything alright?” He hesitantly inquired, fearing the worst when he saw Mingyu’s paling face, Jeonghan’s averted gaze, and Seungcheol’s sloppy driving as they sped to wherever he was being whisked off to.

“It’s Jess,” Mingyu sighed, breaking the rising tension. Joshua felt his heart plummet towards his stomach and his ears started ringing like wild as Mingyu continued.

“There was a kindergartner that strayed into the street while their teacher was busy tending to the other kids and… and… there was a bus that turned to corner and didn’t see them…,” Mingyu scrambled to explain, “So Jess ran out and shoved the kid to the other side and…”

“She’s in the hospital. If we’re lucky,” Seungcheol growled, his eyebrows furrowed with worry, “She’ll make it. She’s a strong girl. And you need to be strong for her, Jisoo.”

It normally would have felt weird to be called by his Korean name but in this moment, it seemed so awfully trivial as his head swam. He felt as if someone had wrapped their hands mercilessly around their neck and would not let go, leaving him to suffer and choke.

And it grew worse when he saw her, soaked in her own blood, unconscious and oblivious to it all on the hospital bed as doctors and nurses and whatnot surged all around her. His eyes flickered uncomfortably from her to the monitor that displayed her faltering heartbeat.

He held the glistening string that bound the two of them together like a lifeline. It was a lifeline. He whispered hushed prayers, desperate to keep his one and only on this world, with him.

And then, just like a slow motion movie, he saw the string suspended in the air and Jess and nothing else. He could have sworn he saw her give the faintest hint of a smile before the thread disconnected and slipped off her finger, leaving him standing there clutching the remainder of the snapped thread in complete horror.

You couldn’t save her.

“Shut up shut up shuT UP!” He shrieked, clutching his head.

She’s gone. You’re all alone.

He fled the place, despite the panicked voices of the others, unable to contain his shock and grief and sorrow and knowing that the voice in his head was correct. He could do nothing and he was now alone.

He may have feared finding out that his soulmate was dead when he was younger but this… This was much worse. - “You should eat,” Chan’s worried voice called out from behind his locked door. Joshua didn’t bother to respond. He had spent days curled up in a blanket that smelled of Jess, facing the wall as his trembling hands held onto the cursed red string.

“At least take care of yourself if you’re going to mourn…,” Chan called out again, “Please. We’re all worried sick about you.”

Silence.

A small sigh ensued, “I’ll leave some food outside your door. Eat it if you can, okay?”

He could hear footsteps scuffle before pausing again.

“Hyung… I’m always here to talk if you need to, okay?” - No one knew whether he recovered or not. Not even he himself knew, despite having stepped out into the daylight again. He tied the remainder of the crimson thread tightly onto his throat, as a memento of Jess and as a reminder to hold things and people he loved close, lest he wanted to feel that anguish again.

The public would never know why he wore it all the time. They just assumed that it was a mere trend of his.

But when the cameras dimmed and the fake plastered smiles came off, that would be when he would truly feel the pain of the red string of fate.