#i dont remember having a cake or anyone celebrating my birthday

[heavenly-kazee]

I feel this quite a lot.

Anger, resentment, malice, sadness, loneliness, neglected and spiritually taken away from faith.

It hurts a lot. I've watch my mother slowly ripping my relationship away from God.

They were my freedom and that inner child of mine was taken away.

I forgotten to act like a child again.

For the first time in my life, after I turned 18 years old, I finally ended my words with a simple answer:

"I wish my mom died, my love for education and learning wouldn't be this detrimental."

Three Years Lost to Depersonalization— a eulogy.

All these years.. I've let You bury ME

I watched as You possessed ME

You stole MY mind, MY body

You took ME

Made ME weak, made ME small enough to fit inside Your cage

and then You threw away the key.

I'm sure You thought it was easy…

Truth is, it was.

Not because You were stronger, but because I let You…

I was tired of fighting.

How was I to know You'd be such a fucking bitch?

You turned me into someone I hate.

You tortured ME.

Drowned ME in shame... guilt… disgust

You filled MY life with such putrid misery, and enjoyed every second of it.

But guess what?

All those years, I was sharpening my teeth.

Leathering MY skin.

Breaking MY bones—

turning them into weapons.

Planning Your execution.

You thought You had won

But I was never fully gone. You never fully had ME.

It just took ME a while to catch MY breath.

So... I hope You had fun while it lasted…

Cause now?

Now… You die

I’M the monster You thought You were.

I’M the one to fear.

[mrsnerdygirl]

I was thinking right now about how sad it is that Harry never properly celebrated his birthday. You know how we go all out on children's birthdays, inviting people and making theme parties, well Harry never had that .

On his first birthday, he celebrated over a small tea "party" , with his parents and Bathilda, with no other family members and friends around . In her letter , Lily said that it was okay since he wouldn't remember, and while she was right , the fact that it was his first and last birthday with his parents and it wasnt even proper, saddens me so much .

Growing up i know for a fact that the Dursleys didn't celebrate his birthday. Remember when he went to Hogwarts and for Christmas they send him a single toothpick ? What about Dudley's hand-me-downs? Sometimes i actually think that they didnt even tell him untill he started attending kindergarten, or sometime earlier when his birthday was . I belive that it was easier that way for them , not having to bother with his questions , but of course when Harry saw that there were no children like him , with no parents, loved ones , or idea as to when they were born , he started asking questions.

Something that i had forgotten about , and only remembered when i reread Chamber of Secrets, is that for his birthday, Harry sang to himself the Happy Birthday song, and that broke my heart . Just thinking about how many times he had to do that because noone cared is terrible.

The fact that the second birthday cake he ever got was when he was eleven , a grown boy, is even worse .

On the third book , he doesnt even recall it being his birthday, he completely forgets about it , that's how little birthdays mean to him .

"He never got to celebrate a birthday with Sirius" , now that line destroyes me, because i know sirius felt terrible for missing his godson's birthday, and i also know that getting a letter saying Happy Birthday, is all Harry wanted , because growing up he didnt even get as much as that .

His sixteenth birthday was the only one that came closest to a nice celebration, Harry had Remus , the Weasleys, so practically most of his loved ones , but i know for a fact that not having Sirius there , and having lost him just a month ago tore the boy to pieces. There was a war going on and he wasnt safe , especially at that time, so of course it wasnt the best , and in my opinion what he deserved.

On his seventeenth , he was worrying about the fact that in a week he would be god knows where , doing god knows what . Voldemort was more powerful than ever, and i think that the only time he was a little at peace was when Ginny gave him her present . It was the first time Harry didnt mention the war , or the deaths of people , or his approaching death , he was at peace and that was short lived because he got into a fight with Ron and then he was feeling miserable because reality hit him harder than ever , he realised he didnt have a future ahead, and that this could be his last birthday for all he knew.

When he finally started enjoying his day , the minister arrived and ruined everything. After he left so had some of the guests, and the ones that were left seemed to feel uncomfortable.

Im sure that when the war was over , he didn't celebrate his birthday, i dont think he cared much , especially knowing what happened just a couple of months ago and how selfless he is .

So knowing that today he is celebrating makes me feel good . Knowing he has a family now , and that there is no ministry or Voldemort chasing his guests away is amazing. If anyone deserves a good birthday, that person is Harry James Potter.

[silver-queen]

I have mixed feelings this whole day, as i do every year but. I'm also very happy today. I dont remember anyone celebrating my birthday (the most i get is just some birthday wishes and going out for food with my mom) but getting pranked by the hotel staff and coming home to my mom's friends singing happy birthday was. Very sweet. My brother ordered some cake for me too

[honeybeewhereartthee]

MY DARLING DOLLS 38

PREVIOUS || PART7 CH38 || NEXT

In the mansion that seems to lost its life, a steady footstep of someone who's trying to make sure to not wake anyone up gaze at sleepless figure that continue to sew even it's no longer daylight.

Not caring about he never taken a sleep or rest for months as he continues to sew while tears falling from his eyes.

"you should take a rest, mayochi." Niki commented as he place some midnight snack for the other to dig in to. To restore energy and vitality. "... I can't." The other cried. "Each seconds is important... "

"So are your health. " The other resorted. He sigh before he pulled the sewing kit and the doll that being made away, the other wanted to get it back but his too weak. Niki push the cake in front of him.

"Go eat before you sleep to rest up. Your not a doll anymore. Your human and humans tends to be weaker than dolls." He added as he watch mayoi takes a bit of the cake while tears falling from his eyes.

"It supposed to be birthday cake for rinnes younger brother since his birthday is a few days ago." He mumbles as he remembers that the birthday boy said he will only celebrate it once you return. His blue eyes gaze at the phantom. "Sometimes I wish I can loath you but I loath myself more than I do to you." With his words it felt like thrown in the others.

"Because I can't be you nor I wish to be you. I dont want to call you stupid for wanting them for yourself. Every dolls wish they are the only one cared and love by their owner." He take a bite of the cake as well as he felt stress out by all of this again.

"I... "The phantom wanted to say something but he slowly felt drowsy as if sleep is slowly taken control of him.

He stared at the person before him who's giving him a soft smile on his face. "Have a nice sleep, mayoichi." Niki tells him before he surrender and enter a dream world.

...

Niki put the cover over the sleeping phantom before standing up to clean the plates. "Is it interesting to watch someone again?" He don't even look up to realize it was Rinne who's spying on him earlier. Pretending to be asleep but was awake the whole time.

"You put sleeping pills in his food. What if you put too many huh~ ? Nothing good will happen if something bad fall upon him." The red haired chuckle as he approach him.

"even if I wanted to or not. I cannot do that. MC will be sad if they know." Niki mumbles with a soft chuckle. "They'll hate me. I don't want that." He can't even think of it. He wonders if being humans made him weak to the emotions of attachment he have with you.

"ahh..." The chief pause at his work as he think of something. "Hmm. I guess I care too much about them." He mumbles as he analyze his emotions. His mind is full of you and worries about you instead of the food he wish to eat. He want to eat new meals and cooked mean he prepared with you soon like last time.

"hmm..." He starts to humm as he decided and planned to do once your back.

"it seems shiina have a conclusion of your own." Himeru commented as he stood from the doorway.

"oh... is that you Himeru? Your awake too.." Niki was surprised at the other but smiles as he went to get some cake that's not spike with sleeping pills from the refrigerator to give the two.

"Do you want guys want to eat some cake with me? As we chat." He invited the two. Himeru give him an odd look before joining Rinne to seat around the table.

"Heyy..." From the doorway as the three was going to take a bite of their cake Kohaku who heard the noise from the kitchen approaches them. "It's already late at night what are you--"

"Come join us~" Niki chuckle as he pulled Kohaku to another set with them serving him, his own slice of cake. The pinky who's also getting hungry for abit of snack, comply.

They all look at one another through they all silently eating before Rinne poke some icing to Himeru face. "Ahaha~" he laughs, through his trying to break the heavy mode. "Shut it Amagi." Himeru mumble before Rinne proceed to put icing on Niki instead.

"Rinne!" The chief called out, Rinne is wasting food again! He was going to complain but war broke lost between them and now there's food everywhere.

Their face full of icing as they lay on the floor, not caring if it's dirty or not. They have smile on their faces before long the silence is broken. "Do you guys miss mc..." Niki began.

"Hmm... No." Rinne thought about it..that rascal that did nothing good for themselves unlike they do to others is gone for so long. "They'll come home when they are done with what they are doing."

"when is that..." Kohaku.

"who knows?" The leader of the batch can only laugh as the pinky glared at him.

...

-PAST: MC-

You stared at the reflection of yours in the water. You give a cheeky smile as you try to remove the heart paint that the lady of the house painted on you earlier.

"who are you..." You mumble confuse at your own reflection. You felt that's not how you look like before but so many things have happened. You felt so confuse each days, months and year goes by. A bit of yourself felt lost, almost as if your no longer you of before.

"the dollmaker." You heard someone spoke to you across from the river bank. You stared up and meet red orbs of a black cat. "MC." His eyes seems full of sadness as he look at you.

"Man I most be going crazy there's a talking cat now." You spoke out loud as you rub your eyes and still see the black cat.

"It's not a dream you silly." The black cat rolled his eyes at you. He was about to jump but you saw him limping and something red start to flow out of him causing him to slide on one of the rocks.

"Hey!" Your eyes widen in worry and before you know it you jump on the running water to rescue to talking cat. In the dark current of the water you reach out your hand to him and secure the kitty in your arms and forgetting to breath in your own as your too surprised but you made sure to have the kitty above water level and everything turns black when you hit your head on the big rock on the river.

'fuck...' you cannot help but want to scream why your luck is bloody as this. The last thing you remember is someone calling out for you.

[autisticlee]

ah. do you ever realize life/the universe loves pulling crazy pranks on you.

when I was a kid, the only birthday party I remember having, where I was old enough to remember I guess, I was 4 or 5 and some extended family came over. I didnt have friends so it was just a few cousins and grandparents and whatnot. I was sick like I was every winter (and the entire time I was in school tbh) so I just wanted to sleep. I slept through my whole bday party and woke up to everyone gone.

I tried to have a bday party when I was somewhere around 10-12 (can't remember what year now) and invited classmates and people I considered friends. my parents prepared my party and made cake and food and we decorated and everything. hours passed and no one showed up. I called and none of them were home. turns out the "friends" skipped my party and hung out together and I got made fun of for that.

so for my 30th bday, I wanted to do something. I had one friend from another country come visit and found an anime con for us to travel to. we needed to split the cost with others and I don't really have other friends so she invited her friends. only 2 were able to go, but the whole thing went from being my bday party to more of my friend getting to gang out with her friends, so it wasnt even really for my bday for anyone else. just me.

in the end, I got sick the day after my friend got here. I am still sick over a month later. the worst of it was while we were at the con, which was my birthday weekend where I pretend i'm having a big bday party with a few friends. but nothing went to plan. I didn't even get to go to the con. I stayed sick at the hotel coughing until I threw up every day all day. things not going to plan led to everyone getting mad at me and arguing with me because I had to cancel one of our other plans because I was too sick and by that point i had infected everyone else. that led to 3 people being at my house and my family throwing a fit because they only approved of one so I was sick and getting screamed at for the week they were there until they finally went home, and even screamed at after, because I could not convince anyone to do what I asked them to do (like take a bus home tomorrow, not 5 days from now) and what my parents screamed at me to make them do (taking thr bus home tomorrow, not wait 5 days to take the train instead). I dont even remember most of the first 3 weeks my friend was here and didn't get to enjoy it because we were both too sick. and etc. everything went wrong, but that's not the point of this post. i'm getting off topic.

anyway, the universe and life played a cruel joke on me by taking my childhood memories of failed bdays and making this one big bday plan I had (probably the last time i'd try to make bday plans ever since they always failed all these years) and I had the attention taken off my bday and put on my friend because her friends wanted to see her while she visited me, I didn't yet to spend as much time with her as I had wanted to because everyone else wanted to and took up at least 2 of those weeks, AND I got so sick I basically missed my party (the con I planned to go to specifically as a bday party for myself) and don't remember 3 of the 4 weeks my friend visited as a bday gift basically.

there was no warning or preventing getting sick. I wasn't around anyone sick. I hadn't left my house besides to go to work, where I work alone, for at least a month. it hit suddenly without warning. I actually at first thought it was just my allergy to super glue I was using the night before. it's like a telephoned back to 4 or 5 year old me being so sick I slept through my last ever childhood bday party. I never had another one after that except that one where no one showed up. the universe has truly cursed my birthday. i'm not allowed to celebrate it, apparently.

[sailermoon]

my greatest shame is that when I went to Mexico as a kid my aunt let me borrow her video recorder except for some reason she gave us the tape had her big birthday celebration on it?? I guess to save tape idk and we have somewhat of a vague idea of how the camera works. so being dumb kids we record dumb things as one does (mostly us just goofing around)

so im 11 at the time and my older brother is 14 and being a “too cool” older brother he doesnt wanna put up with us little siblings. one day im trying to get him to say hi to the camera and instead he says “fuck you” with a dead serious expression and im not to hung up on it cause he’s just like that. the horror only comes cause remember how i said my aunt gave us her birthday tape? well i had accidentally recorded OVER the tape so now halfway thru the cake cutting it cuts to a clip of my brother saying “fuck you” and then back to the rest of the party like normal

and im 11 and losing my mind because what am i gonna do!! so i just. dont tell anyone. the trip to mexico ends, we go home, give my aunt her camera and i never speak of what i did. this is my greatest shame and also biggest secret no one in my family knows this and i live in fear of the day my aunt rewatches that tape

[magicalslug]

Vent, do not read.

It's not fair i was perfectly happy prior to all This and now i am in my room having a manic episode that wants me to say out loud "I'LL KILL MYSELF I'LL KILL MYSELF I'LL KILL MYSELF" when i know DAMN RIGHT that's an empty threat AND a sign something is causing me emotional pain!!! But it won't get solved by saying out loud such a horrible thing i don't mean!!!!

I hate you bpd!!! I hate you!!!! Why do you always make me feel lonely and empty!!!!!! Lonely and empty!!!! It's not my fault i get anxiety constantly, thinking of the ways i am not loved!!! Fuck off!!!!!!

It shouldn't be a big deal, why are YOU making it a big deal?!?!?!

...i know im like this because my birthday is coming up and i know. I know it won't be special.

It'll be special to me of course, i am glad to have one more year under my belt, im glad to be alive.

But i don't want anyone else to acknowledge that. Because i know they dont care.

I mean, they do in a casual way of "oh hey congrats!" But they dont really care im alive one more year, not enough to celebrate with me.

Ugh what i just wrote makes no sense, let me try and put my real problem with it like this:

My birthday is of course, special to me.

But. I don't trust anyone else to find it special as well, and it doesn't sit well with me when other people try and congratulate me or celebrate it for me.

That type of thing feels false. I know you don't mean it, i know you're not really happy for me, so please don't bring it up.

There's only like 3-5 friends that i trust at least mean it, they will truly be happy for me.

But the rest i know are Casual Friends who will celebrate or acknowledge it out of an obligation and i don't want that.

I'm terrified of that, it makes me feel gross.

If you don't like me say it to my face. Be true with me, say you don't care for me and let's end it there.

God.

But see that's the problem.

I'm...

I'm far too paranoid for my own good. Normal people don't have a complex about their birthday.

Normal people have a family to celebrate it with. Friends. Lovers. Family mostly.

I don't have any of that (liar!! You have friends!!)

I don't. I don't have friends that can and want to celebrate it with me. Those that do are far away/busy that day so when the next bday comes i will be trapped on my job and on my own.

That's fine.

That's fine.

That's fine.

Last birthday was nice. Friends celebrated with me in the office. I got a book as a gift. We had cake. It was nice.

It's a nice memory.

But this time i want to be on my own like a sad animal that's been wounded and wants to hide to lick their wounds.

My bday this year made me sad because even though I'm happy to be alive, it makes me incredibly sad that i don't have someone to celebrate it with. Someone that cares. Someone that cares about me.

It's childish. I'm so childish.

Yesterday i started rereading that johnmerle fic and i had to stop after the first chapter because it hit too close to my life. It always did, but now that i am a working man it felt even more real. And it broke my heart.

Because love is real! Love is real and it will always be real regardless of if i experience it or not!!!! But.

Well i yearn. And i can't help pining for a life that's shared with someone that cares about me, but most importantly, someone I care about.

In any case, lately I've been crying a lot because i feel so alone and i know for a fact it's a BPD THING (literally a symptom!! This is not news!!! It's in fact one of the only ways i get to confirm for myself IT IS BPD!!!) But i am still hurt.

I have friends!!!!! I love my friends!!!!!

Why do i still feel so fucking lonely!!!!!!!!!!

Why do i feel like no one cares!!!!!

Why can't i help but imagine a world where I'm gone and nothing changes!! (Augh, because it's true! Remember! You're not the protagonist of the world! Just of your own life!)

Sigh, that's true.

So calm down. Don't cry over that.

Remember that the universe is uncaring, but there's people that care.

(Where are they?)

Well they're your friends. They would help you if they could, right?

...

You don't know.

I don't know.

The problem is that i inherently believe no one could possibly care about me because i am Me.

Forever trapped in a glass box no one cares to pry open.

It's a bpd thing, feeling that way.

I know. Doesn't make it easier to deal with.

I can't help it. I don't even know what i want.

Of course i do. I want someone who loves me just as much as i love them.

I want to be hugged. I want to be listened to. I want someone i can share my art with.

I want someone that sees me. I want someone that wants to know me.

I want someone that just wants more of me.

I want someone that doesn't make me afraid or ashamed.

Doesn't everyone want that?

To be loved? Cared for? Yearned for?

It's a bpd thing, to never be satisfied. To have this black hole in your chest. All consuming, never ending.

No matter how much love you get, it'll never be enough.

And to that i say: that's not fair! Because I've never been loved in a way I've wanted. Romantically! I've had boyfriends but they weren't a good relationship, or a stable one.

I want a lover! A beloved! And i want them to be perfect for me, not necessarily a perfect person!

Is that so much to ask?

...

...i know the answer is yes, but that's what's so cruel.

I will never find someone. I will never find someone. And i should make peace with that.

But it hurts me each time i realize how fucking unlovable i am by modern standards.

I'm poor and boring and """ugly""" so what do i have left?

Nothing. I have nothing to offer the world.

So why am i here?

Why am i here?

...

...

I just want to go home to my cats.

But i can never go home, there's not a home to go back to.

I want to go home.

I want a home, a place i can call my own and have it be my safe heaven.

Ah... ah so much yearning in just one body.

Love is real, i know this, so why can't I feel love around me?

It's ridiculous. I KNOW IT'S BECAUSE OF THE BPD IT LITERALLY IS AND I KNOW THIS and it still hurts. So much.

I love my friends, so much. But from my perspective it'll always feel like I'm nothing to them.

And it's because i was born with a black hole in my chest. I'm sorry.

I never asked to be so fundamentally broken in invisible ways that only become obvious when i start to inconvenience others.

A delight to have in class.

Silent and dutiful.

What a delightful child i was.

Too quiet for my own good.

You do know love is real right?

I know.

Just be patient.

Not all days will be good days.

Today wasn't a good day, but tomorrow will be better!

What makes you feel so sure?

Well, we've been here before haven't we?

I guess. We've had manic and sad moments like this many times.

And we always come out of them, and we always push onwards, and we always feel better afterwards.

Life is good, you know this.

I guess.

It's just the heartache which makes it difficult to think properly. It's emotional pain that's physical!! That's why it feels so bad!! But we'll get through this together, alright my love?

We have many things to look forward to! So many things! We have travels to make now that we'll soon be free to do so!

As soon as we get that sweet visa, we'll visit friends!! We'll go to greece!! You want to visit greece so badly, isn't it?

I wanna see those clear blue waters. I want to feel the sun on my skin. I want to dance on the beach. I want to feel like i can experience true love there.

Good!! Good! These are the travels that matter!!!

You matter! Ok? So don't cry anymore. Oh my beloved, you've always had such a fragile heart.

It's okay, i won't judge. I don't judge because i love you. I love you so much.

I'm tired, can we have a nap?

Of course we can. Anything you want, I'll make it happen.

I love you.

I love you, my dearly beloved. So much.

[alycosworld]

HELLOOOOO<3 “💕” anon!!!o(≧v≦)o I’m really excited since my bday is coming up!!! [uk that alr LOL] anyways my request will be below as always!

✧༺✦✮✦༻∞　　∞༺✦✮✦༻✧

purple-people

blue-subject

pink-genre

green-type of fan fic

orange-extra notes!

✧༺✦✮✦༻∞　　∞༺✦✮✦༻✧

so i was wondering if u could do hc’s for a few characters? i actually dont know if u have a character limit so I’ll just request 3! if its too much u can actually remove some:) also if u want feel free to add on more characters if u like! so basically thoma,baal and childe [seperate] x NB!reader and its the readers bday!:D how would they celebrate for reader? also idk if u r comfy in doing female characters so if u would like u can just remove baal:) vv fluffy please<3

✧༺✦✮✦༻∞　　∞༺✦✮✦༻✧

tysm for this<3 hope u dont mind writing for girls! I’m non-binary actually but i was born in a girls body LOL- also if u wanna make it GN so everyone can read it go ahead! drink water and get rest! only do this if u want!

Thoma, Baal, Kaeya, Beidou and Childe on the Reader's Birthday!

A/N: yes!! ofc I write for women and I have no character limit, it'll just take more time the more characters you want. for anyone who's curious or wants to request, I have a list of things that I won't write and women are not on that list! Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY 💕 (who is changing their emoji to 🧸 I believe just so everyone is aware) LOVE YOU SO MUCH TY FOR YOUR SUPPORT!!

I added on kaeya and beidou bc I love themmm and my siblings simp for them and I don't have much character diversity so far hehe. also I haven't done baal's story quest so I'm sorry if she's a little ooc.

Thoma:

my man is ready and raring to go on the days leading up to your birthday. He's planned something. It doesn't matter what he has to do, he's doing it.

he's already asked Ayaka if he could take a few days off to get things ready and she is so supportive she even helps him.

HE HAS CONTACTS

if you want something that's super rare and expensive and practically impossible to acquire, you best believe he's calling in all his favours and getting whatever the fuck you want.

he baked your cake with his own two hands and it is nothing short of perfection. he made you a card and he wrote you a beautiful heartfelt message and drew a lil picture of you (that's really just a stick figure but APPRECIATE THE EFFORT)

if you wanted to go out, he took you everywhere you wanted and treated you to a meal, making sure everyone you saw remembered to wish you a happy birthday.

if you felt like staying inside, he threw you your own little party for two and did whatever your wanted - sleeping, dancing, singing, art, cooking, literally anything.

he was at your beck and call all day. normally he serves the shirasagi himegimi, now he's serving you not like he doesn't already do everything you say

to summarise, he loves you with his whole heart and will do anything to make your day extra special 🥺🥺

Baal

"It's beloved's birthday soon? Oh...I suppose I should make a few preparations..."

Proceeds to invade your home while you're out and orders people around to make everything fucking perfect

It's incredible once you ignore the trespassing and you can't help but fall in love with her even more.

she's decorated your home with traditional birthday decorations and everything is just the way you'd like it - although it's very to the letter, almost like she was reading a manual while getting people to prepare things...

as soon as you ask her about it, she crumbles. she wasn't sure how to go about it exactly so she asked Yae but omitted your name to avoid getting teased, hence receiving very general birthday advice.

ITS STILL BEAUTIFUL THO SHE TOOK MOST OF YOUR LIKINGS INTO ACCOUNT JUST SAY YOU LOVE IT ALREADY

she wouldn't be too willing to leave or go outside because people will talk, but if you wish it, it shall be.

she bought you whatever you wanted plus a lil something extra as a token of her appreciation of your existence. maybe a decorative object that reminded her of you - she might be even customised it to add a personal touch

all in all, she loves you eternally and she's gonna make sure you know it every year on your special day

Childe

we all know that this menace is a money machine, right?

THIS MAN SPENT ALL HIS MORA ON YOU AND NOBODY SO MUCH AS QUESTIONED IT - HIS DEVOTION IS PROMINENT

you woke up and he presented you with your first gift. at breakfast, he cooked you a whole fucking feast. the rest of the morning, he took you out and let you pick whatever you want from multiple stores and gave you another gift. at lunch, he bought you another 50 fucking course meal

the evening, however, he spent a little more intimately.

you got to cut your three-tier cake and open the rest of your presents at home before he let you enjoy the day however you wanted, similarly to Thoma.

he did whatever you wanted - it was your birthday after all.

he made sure you knew that you were loved and appreciated and expressed how happy he is that you were born and that you're in his life.

oh, and to make up for lovingly hogging you all day, he threw you a party with all your loved ones the day after to make sure everyone got their chance to celebrate your day.

Kaeya Alberich

"Oh? Is it darling's birthday already? I'll have to take the day off to make things extra special..."

kaeya, every day is a day off for you stfu

Mr Alberich really sets aside the tension between him and his brother to ask if he can borrow Angel's Share for a lil party. Using his smooth tactics, he eventually gets Diluc to cave

(basically, Kaeya just ranted how much he loved you and wanted to make things special and Diluc fucking gave up hehe)

He got Jean, Lisa, Amber, Diluc, Venti, Fischl, Bennett, Diona, Klee, Albedo, Sucrose, Barbara, Eula, Mona, Noelle, Razor, Rosaria and all your friends and family to agree to come to Angel's Share and enjoy a night of fun and (Y/N) appreciation.

On your actual birthday, he spent the morning in bed with you, talking about how much he loved you and shamelessly flirting with you before making breakfast.

You spent the morning and most of the afternoon walking around town and enjoying yourselves, allowing the townsfolk to wish you a happy birthday.

and Kaeya convinced you into joining him at Angel's Share in the evening, only to be pleasantly surprised by the people singing happy birthday and the confetti that flew around the room.

this man is lovestruck - if you let him spoil you any longer, you'd probably collapse of over appreciation (and excessive flirty one-liners hehe)

Beidou

my girl beidou? she went all out for you, there's literally a 0.00 percent chance you don't enjoy what she had planned.

You spent your day with her walking around Liyue Harbour, doing everything you wanted.

You listened to storytellers, bought various items like fireworks and sparklers and ate good food, just enjoying each other's company until the evening arrived.

Beidou just dragged you away, making sure you closed your eyes the whole time until you reached your destination.

When you opened your eyes, you couldn't believe it - you were on the Cruz Fleet, surrounded by her crew and all your loved ones.

As soon as you stepped on, the ship leisurely sailed off into the night like some fairytale and you got to enjoy a moonlit sail, as cheesy as it sounds.

It was slow and you allowed yourself to savour the way the ships's lanterns reflects and glittered on the water a long with the moon.

You were surrounded by everyone you cared about and everyone who cared about you (but some of the crew drank a little too much in celebration of your birth hehe)

Beidou just wants you to know how much she and everyone else loves you and wants you to know that she is glad you exist <3

[mauvealt-s]

I fucking hate my birthday.

Not birthdays, no, MY birthday.

Everyone just always seems to forget it. It hurts because i made sure everyone feels special on their birthday.

I made cupcakes, for this kid that's birthday is a day before mine. And she didnt even remember mine until i posted something abt it.

My closest friend dont even remember until today cuz i mentioned it

I feel bad for being petty over something like this, but fuck it hurts.

It hurts knowing that whatever you do, you're not special enough for ppl to even remember.

It hurts that i'm fucking good at hiding the fact that i'm not okay.

It hurts being the "happy go lucky" one both in my family and in my social life.

It hurts being "the person that wont judge" and always check up on ppl when they fight, but having no one checking up on me when i'm in a argument.

It hurts that my mother and brother cames up to me to vent after arguing w/ each other but i can't vent to anyone when i fight w/ my father because she'll laugh, and my brother already has enough on his plate.

It's been over a week since my bday, but since no one celebrated it, today i decided to make an ice cream cake. No one fucking helped me, both in making it and cleaning up. My father got pissed at me because i expect others to do the dishes if they want to eat it too(its kinda a rule i, my mom n my bro agree too). And my mom doesnt give a shit and suggested that i just make it next week (on my brother bday).

Fuck you guys, why can't i just let you guys on your on when you're struggling. I want to make sure you are ok and feels special. But fuck, i wish you would actually checks up on me and makes me feels special

[marshmallowprotection]

Hi, it's my birthday today and I got the big sad. I dont have family to celebrate with as they are either gone or abusive. I was wondering if you could do a react where the rfa finds out its mc birthday and she didnt say anything cause she was sad about her family not being there due to then being gone or abusive. I hope this makes sense and I appreciate your writing so much. It brings joy to my day💖

They noticed something was off the entire day. You weren't talking to anyone that you avoided the chatroom. You didn't want to talk and it seemed like you didn't want to be spoken to, either.

It was strange as you were prone to coming into the chatroom and happily talking to all of the RFA without issue.

Yoosung noticed that you left before the clock struck midnight when he was talking to you while waiting for the game to update. Zen did think it was odd when you hardly talked to him that morning, saying that you were tired and couldn't keep up.

Jaehee was surprised when you didn't return her morning text, and Jumin was perplexed by how you saw his message but never tried to get back in touch with him. Now, Seven knew what was going on to some degree, but he didn't want to bother you.

He knew what it felt like to want to ignore your birthday. He tried to ignore his most of the time but he would pretend to smile if the RFA said anything, but he didn’t want you to be alone. He did call you and talk to you about this and that, but he never made you talk about your birthday. 

You knew that he knew, though.

Yet, he respected your privacy and didn’t say a word to anyone else. 

Though, you knew that he did care quite a bit because it wasn’t long after his call that there was a knock at your door with a small gift sitting in front of it. You’d be surprised to open it and find that he’d gotten you something special. It wasn’t all that much but it clear that he wanted you to happy one good thing on your day. 

He’d made you a cute little robot. You don’t know when he had the time to do that but he did. It made you smile regardless. Though you didn’t want to tell the others about everything, the fact that Seven was able to do such a small thing to make you feel like you weren’t alone made you at least want to be honest about why you dodged them. 

Y/N: I’m sorry I avoided the chatroom. It’s just... It’s my birthday. 

Y/N: I really want to think about it. There’s a lot of reasons why but I’m not ready to talk about them. I guess I was scared and I didn’t think that I even deserved to have a good day. But, you guys have always cared about me and been nice to me from the start. 

Y/N: I should’ve known better then to think that you guys wouldn’t care or... 

Y/N: I’m sorry I avoided everyone.

Yoosung: Y/N! You’re not a bother to anyone. If we knew that it was your birthday, we would’ve planned a party! If you were okay with that, anyway! I would’ve made you a cake! 

ZEN: That cake would’ve turned out polka dot somehow. 

Yoosung: It doesn’t have to look good to taste good, Zen! 

ZEN: Y/N, babe. I get it. My family never celebrated my day. It never felt special but you... you are special. You get to decide how you spend your day because it’s your day. But, we’ll be here to give you a good day if that’s what you want. Just ask.

Jaehee Kang: Exactly, Y/N. You don’t have to have a big party to have a good day. We want you around because you’ve changed our lives for the better. Ahem. I would’ve graciously planned a movie night for us to enjoy your day.

Jumin Han: My dear, your birthday is important to us. It’s a reminder that you were born into this world and fate brought your kindness into our lives. Your day can be spent how you desire but... don’t close yourself off when your wish is to be happy with others. 

707: Hey, hey, hey, space kitten. Just remember that we’re always here for you. Even on the days that aren’t your birthday. You don’t have to have a big party to be appreciated. We just want you to know that we’re grateful that you are alive and here with us today. 

[kdramachitchat]

Nevertheless episode 4 -- I Know It Isn’t Love is about the choices you make before you become intimate with someone you don’t really know.

Responsibility of becoming intimate

Jae-eon, after being dressed up asks Nabi whether she wants to keep seeing him. Na-bi understands that all he wants is to have sex and not date. Both of them need the time to think about the decisions of becoming intimate without exactly knowing the other person. Why doesnt Nabi see how awful Jae-eon is? She just jumped the ship after her horrible past relationship. This is just probably her dealing with getting over it. It doesnt make me want to root for her either.

Nabi also mentions that she doesn’t want anyone to know about their relationship. Then she thought about the effects of their sexual relationship and asks if he has STDs. Where is the responsibility of this so called couple? Like it was an afterthought.

A toxic partner

The next time they meet Nabi notices how extremely smooth Jae-eon is. Isnt that a sign for her to leave him? She can’t help but fall for him and i honestly wouldn’t. After the meeting they continue to have sex and continues to fall for his charms because he’s infectious and looks like he had done this before to other women. Without thinking Jae-eon asks if she could meet with her often and agrees to do so. After the sex, they continue to spend alot of time together and i admit at this point they had good chemistry, visually too but i dont like their personality at all. I guess toxic people belong together. Like going to dance together, going to exhibitions together.

But at that time it was her birthday and Jae-eon doesnt know. This is why you should get to know your partner before becoming intimate. Well after this happens i hope they learn from their mistakes if ever they plan to break it off.

She then ask her friends if its good for someone to not go on a date during their birthday. SeolA and Jae-eon also meets up, SeolA gives him some hard truth advice and basically rejecting him. With the looks of his reaction he’s not use to this.

Past birthdays

Nabi compares her past birthdays because she realizes how she always have sex with someone after having meals with friends. But with now she doesnt have anyone to spend her birthday with and definitely not with her mother. Especially after seeing how their relationship is quite awkward. There seem to be a past incident that happened between them (her being neglected) and they're not comfortable with one another.

She finally sees Jae-eon at the train station and decides to spend together during her birthday. In the end, she does have someone to be with. Also looks like Jae-eon realizes its her birthday and gives her a gift. Nabi having her hopes up like Oh he remembers my birthday, he’s not like the other guys... Once again, they had a intimate time together and also celebrates her birthday with a cake.

The day after, Nabi wears the gift that Jae-eon gave her and meets up with him. She also notices that whenever they try to talk about something personal Jae-eon just pushes her away.

On the side, both their friends notices the shift of Nabi and Jae-eon. They all think that they’re dating.

A visit from the ex and rumors starts flying

Ex bf patronizes her about dating Jae-eon and eventually Nabi had to stand up for her self. Then the next day there’s people talking about her in a horrific way because she’s sleeping with Jae-eon. Everyone knows how Jae-eon is and even the professor warns her to stay away. He’s that popular. I dunno if she’s just dumb, but why is it only now that she’s starting to realize her relationship with Jae-eon. She wants to end the relationship because of the rumors and not because of her time with him. I dont get her really.

Despite this, she never really mentions to Jae-eon what’s on her mind and the rumors clearly affect her.

Jae-eon gets hit

Suddenly a random stranger has hit Jae-eon and he’s unfazed. Nabi tries to protect him but the stranger suddenly pushes her down. Obviously Jae-eon would be pissed and that when the episode comes to an end.

Both of them seem to be protective of one another despite Nabi being unsure with how people perceive her because she’s having a sexual relationship with Jae-eon.

[detonizing]

headcanon.

50 headcanon challenge prompted by @bnharpchub​ bc so many people were doing it on dash and my restraint is only so strong 

coming up with 50 new headcanons was so difficult jfc AWOEINAWE i cheated a bit and some of them mention hcs I already wrote about before, but I did my best to focus on a different part of it to give it a new spin so it’s technically new....ish. awoieNAWEIAWNE

he learned how to cook because his parents were always busy and he wasn’t going to just expect them to cook for him when he could just do it himself ( he learned a whole LOT of things because he realized he could just do it himself )

he doesn’t usually keep things for sentiment reasons. there ARE a few exceptions, but for the most part if it’s important enough to remember he’ll just simply remember it 

he likes the view from up high. mountain climbing really made him aware of that, and it was a part of the reason why he wanted to learn how to fly ( that, and just the fact of it being practical, using his quirk to enhance movement ) 

sometimes puts on a clear coat of nail strengthening polish during weeks of particular harsh training. he would put on coloured polish too, but they often get ruined very quickly because of how much he uses his hands and so he doesn’t see the point to do it often 

his sweat isn’t actually toxic ( mostly bc I do NOT want to deal with all the problems having toxic sweat would cause, but there is more to it that I’ll write in depth of another day when I’m less lazy ) 

His volume is one of the few ways he feels like he can be heard. His mother is also a very loud person, and growing up he would be stuck in situations where if he doesn’t yell LOUDER, he won’t be heard. If he is WILLINGLY quiet around you, that is a sign of trust, a sign that he’s comfortable enough to not feel the need to be loud. 

he cannot stand his mouth being covered, nor does he take well to being told to keep quiet. He GETS that not many people appreciate his loudness. He KNOWS there is always time and place. But being loud is a defensive mechanism, and it being taken away against his will just messes with him a lot. 

speaking of, a large part of why he got the ‘i dont give a fuck about anyone else’ attitude is because no one would really care about him. It wasn’t just because he had a big head. He was acutely aware that people around him would praise him and rise him up, but never actually listen to him or cared what he wants. Why should he care about other people if no one gave a fuck about him? ( he knows better now )

he’s cautious about giving villains second chances. it’s not like he’s against giving villains a chance at redemption ( he knows he’d be a fucking hypocrite if he was ) but he also is realistic, and knows that some people are just shitheads and will refuse to change no matter what. knows that some people will take advantage of people with bleeding hearts ( cOUGHS like dEKU’s COUGHS ) and so he’s just. very wary and distrusting. he’ll give you a chance, but he’s going to watch you during it. 

if the ranking system of heroes gets abolished, it won’t really affect Katsuki’s goals. from the start when he says ‘number one hero’ what he cares most about is being number one by HIS standards. ofc he was planning to get ranked number one too, but if such a system falls apart, he’d just make sure he becomes the Best till no one can argue against it either way 

katsuki has always used his quirk often. he hates rules regulating quirk use because it’s so stupid to him. how the hell was he going to become number one if he didn’t know how to use his own damn quirk? ofc he still tried to abide by the law well enough, in public refraining for the most part ( but his middle school very obviously was super lacking in discipline so he just didn’t bother hiding his usage of quirk there )

his quirk acts up when he has high emotion — but MOST of the time, that is less him losing control and more of a conscious decision on his part. resisting the urge to explode when his body is aching to is dangerous, so it’s better to let loose small, controlled, explosions when the time comes. He works hard to keep control of his quirk, he knows when it’s best to just let explosions loose and when he can hold it in

even without explosions he has a habit of his fingers twisting or fist clenching when he’s high strung. restricting his hands in any way, esp during these times, are an absolute no for him. he WILL react violently if you take away his only method of physically defending himself. 

the reason why he NEEDS to be able to defend himself at all times comes from his lack of trust. He doesn’t WANT to rely on other people, because they could mess up so it’s just better to do it himself. so if people try and stop him from doing it himself.... just nope. 

he’s so so so SO bad at accepting compliments. he’s used to empty meaningless compliments, praise for things he didn’t even earn, so getting actual compliments that are WORTH something. it’s. a lot. he doesn’t know how to properly handle it yet so his first reaction is to reject it somehow ( either by telling the person they are being an idiot, or finding fault in the compliment itself, or something along those lines ) 

he has a base respect for pro heroes in general, because he understands that they have experience he is obviously lacking being a student. but he won’t be blinded by their status. if they fuck up, they fuck up and no ‘hero’ status will keep him from recognizing that 

he doesn’t actually hate quirkless people. he never really has. he had a problem with DEKU, but not exactly quirkless people in general. he started calling Izuku as “Deku” before he knew that he would never get a quirk. He called him ‘deku’ because izuku would fail at bouncing a ball or skipping stones and such ( back then, almost ALL people were ‘useless’ to him, not just quirkless people aoweinaoweianwe ) 

he as sharp teeth. not enough to be called fangs or anything, but they are definitely sharper than average ( he’s a little gremlin so I must give him sharp teeth ) 

he’s still struggling to ask for help. he can easily admit that he needs backup when it comes to hero works — knows that teamwork is essential at times and saving and BEING saved in turn is how being a hero is. BUT for PERSONAL things? Outside of being a hero? As a person??? He doesn’t know HOW to ask for help with that. 

He’s ALWAYS been super independent. so people just. expect him to be fine on his own. HE himself expected to be fine on his own. But by the time he realized wait no, I’m not fine. People stopped trying to check up on him. ( until U.A., but then old habits die hard. but he’s learning ) 

he tends to shower at night more than in the mornings, because he often works out not too long before bed. he also just takes more than one shower a day if needed ofc he takes hygiene seriously

he HATES when he can’t get a full night’s sleep. And sadly ever since getting kidnapped it’s been happening more and more often. he’s unused to functioning without a full eight or nine hours, so he gets cranky all day and feels fucking awful. He used to hate naps, felt like a waste of his day, but they’ve become a bit of a necessity with how shit his sleeping pattern has become. ( plus jordyn’s shoto has shown him the wonders of napping aowienawe ) 

he doesn’t take long to get ready in the morning. even if he needs to dress differently for an occasion or anything, he doesn’t spend long trying to decide what to wear

his quirk isn’t affected by rain or water like people would expect, but it’s fucking COLD so he still hates getting wet

he’s really good at fighting even without his quirk. he absolutely has thought of situations where he couldn’t use his quirk to full capacity, and so he decided he needed to kick ass even without it

he’s really level-headed in battle!!! despite how he acts, he ALWAYS considers all options and acts on the best one. He just thinks really fast and acts the way he does so it SEEMS like he’s charging in without thinking ahead. That being said, he used to often underestimate his opponents so he’d sometimes make the wrong call. He’s getting MUCH better at not doing that lately tho

he doesn’t really celebrate his own birthday. he gets well wishes from his family, often they’d get a cake maybe, but he doesn’t really WANT or NEED presents, so he had his parents stop trying to gift him things years ago. His birthday is SUPER close to the beginning of the year, so it is often times overlooked by his peers too, but he doesn’t care

Katsuki is demisexual!! He can recognize when people are traditionally attractive, but he doesn’t really fucking care and isn’t attracted TO them. It’s only once they’ve become someone he actually CARES about could he then develop any feelings beyond platonic ones ( no love at first sight here )

he’d NEVER pick up smoking, and even when of age he’d very rarely drink. He wouldn’t want his health to deteriorate by stuff like that. And he wouldn’t want his ability to think be hindered by alcohol

he doesn’t like lying unless for good reason ( like hiding ofa ) but he doesn’t see lying by omission as the same. To him, that’s just him deciding it’s no one’s business and so there’s no need for him to admit to anything

people have tried to bully him as a kid. we’ve seen him chase off older kids in canon before. It wasn’t just a one time thing. It was pretty constant, actually. Other kids, usually those older than him, would hear about him and his attitude and try and ‘put him in his place’ It’s not like he was very popular as a kid, it’s just that Katsuki always WON any fights so no one could actually do anything to him

his nicknames, for the most part, aren’t actually meant to be insulting. Besides like Deku, and when he called Todoroki “holding back bastard”, the rest are just,,, descriptions in his mind aowienAWE ThEY ARE RUDE AF but he doesn’t actually seek out the rudest name he can think of to call people. It’s just whatever comes to mind first

he doesn’t actually mind when people call him out on his shit anymore. he’d in fact admit that they have guts to do so. If they try and call him out on BULLSHIT though, then he’d get angry bc they are just wasting his goddamn time. 

he KNOWS when his classmates are purposefully manipulating him to doing something by phrasing it as a challenge. It’s just he doesn’t give a shit, he’ll rise to the challenge anyways and prove them all WRONG. 

If he really doesn’t wanna do something, there’s absolutely nothing that could get him to do it 

his way of SHOWING that he cares is through actions and gifts. Doing things for people ( studying, cooking, etc ) that he cares about comes naturally to him

On the contrary, he struggles to process it when people try and show that they care the same way. He doesn’t like getting gifts, and he rather do the things he needs to himself??? The easiest way he can understand people showing that they care is through quality time. If you are willing to spend time with him, seek him out? He can get that means you WANT to. ( if this is proven wrong it’d shake his entire acceptance in that person. he’d struggle to believe that they care for him at all in any way after ) 

once you broke his trust, it’s impossible to gain it back. he DOESNT trust easily. he takes so many careful measures to prevent himself from trusting the wrong person. if he gave you his trust you better fucking treasure it, because it’s only given out once. That being said, there are different levels of trust that katsuki gives out — as seen on his relationship page. Level two trust is when it starts getting serious. If you have that, that’s when if broken it’s unfixable. Level one trust is a toss up if broken, very dependent on situation

soft smiles are hard to come by from katsuki! We’ve all seen his confident grins in the face of danger all the time — he smiles a lot during challenges and battle!! But soft ones? Full of fondness and love? They are pretty rare. And even when they DO happen, often it’s only when no one can see

His EYES are actually what turns soft first!! You have a better chance catching his eyes and eyebrows turn a bit less aggressive, but again they aren’t exactly common per say. He doesn’t like showing such expression unless he feels like attention is off him. ( he just. isn’t USED to expressing himself this way. so he doesn’t really like when people draw attention to when he does. because it makes him feel like he did something wrong, in a way )

it’s actually easy to make katsuki flustered and embarrassed. he’S not uSED to it so he’s weak let him live aowieNAWE his ears are the first to turn red!!! but if you really get him embarrassed he does go completely red sorry kats

he does all of his homework well in advance. he hates leaving ANYTHING to the last minute, really

he’s done modeling work as a kid. sometimes he still does, but very rarely. He doesn’t exactly hate doing it, but he just isn’t the least bit interested so he rather spend his time doing something else. When he does do it, you bet he takes it 100% seriously.

he won’t argue if someone calls him a shit person. he knows that he is, and he refuses to deny that. what DOES piss him off though is when people solely focus on how shit of a person he is to the extend of disregarding the perfect results he gives. He’s a shit person, but he’s still the BEST and fuck anyone who says otherwise.

he also knows that he is changing, because it’s a conscious effort on his part TO change. But that’s also the thing. He’s working hard to not be shitty ALL the time, but that doesn’t change the fact that at his core, he’s still not a NICE person. he’s acutely aware that the things he struggles so much with, comes so easy to other people. He wont let this STOP him , he’s never called it quits before just because something was difficult for him, but it still sucks. knowing just how much effort he’s putting into this when some people barely think about it at all

katsuki was well versed in medical knowledge even before U.A. Not because he was thinking about how heroes may need to give emergency care on the field, but just from his own injuries during self training. he needed to know how to treat them properly so it doesn’t cause him problems in the future 

katsuki runs hot, but he gets cold easily. Because he’s used to keeping himself running at high temperatures, his concept of cold is different than most other’s. Suddenly being in like sixty five degrees Fahrenheit feels COLD to him

intended use for furniture are only suggestions. That means yes, he WILL sit on top of desks and counters, stand on top of chairs, and put his feet on the bed while he lays on the floor if he so goddamn chooses. 

no matter how close with a person he is, he’ll eventually need time alone and his personal space left untouched. It takes a lot to get to the point where physical touch is something he’d allow, ( having both touch starvation and touch aversion in equal parts ) but even with people he is completely comfortable with, sometimes it still gets to be TOO mUCH and he needs to step back. he has bad days, too. where just a brush of contact would set him off and he can’t understand himself why it happens. all he knows is that he really hates those days.

it still stings, the knowledge that All Might never even considered him for a possible successor. he was RIGHT THERE when all might picked izuku, after all. and all might can say all he wants about how ‘he was already powerful, he wanted to give midoriya a fighting chance’ or whatever. he knows he was never a contender. it’s not that he WANTS ofa though. he is perfectly happy with his quirk. It’s not even that it’s deku who ended up getting it, he in retrospect is glad deku can fight him now. It’s just. in the end, he’s always always lacking something. it just fuels to his belief of never being good enough when it counts. because HE is NEVER anyone’s first choice to be the up and coming number one. He’s GOING to be. He’ll prove EVERYONE wrong. But, it sure would be nice. Someone else believing in him, too.

[asthearrowflies]

 The Birthday Cake

Slot  Right Middle Cake

Words : 815  No rating  Just lots of sweet fluff

Summery  A small fluff for  CBB Bingo  Slight Winterhawk  Clint doesnt like his birthday It had too many bad memory but Bucky plans to change that with a single kiss

“A cake ? You know you could buy one J.A.R,V.I.S  put” Tony was interrupted by the Solider glaring at him  . “Stark I want to do it . It is his birthday, My Ma used to cook us up a cake  for mine and Stevies  birthday” He was dertimned to do it . Besides Steve Clint had been one of the first to befriend the Winter Solider, back when he was still public enemy number one .

“What are you two fighting about “The blond in question padded through the compound

“Nothing “ Bucky shrugged and looked at   Tony for support  Tony nodded and agreed   as the sleepy archer headed  for the kitchen for coffee. No doubt the blond had a mission. He did  every year . Barton never stayed in the tower for long . He wasnt one for birthdays  He had yet to have a good one

James Bucky Barnes could do anything he set his mind to  and he was going to make his lover a birthday cake. He wasnt sure if lover was the  right term  . Clint and he shared a bed and was probably the worst kept secret in the tower, Neither male was as  yet out the closet  about their relationship. So the Avengers kept quiet on the subject and waited  for one or both of them to come forward about it . Until then they collectivly  pretended not to see the huckies on Clints neck or Bucky making him a coffee first thing in the morning when he stayed over in the tower.

“So where are you going this time “ Bucky asked shooing Tony away . Tony left with a  “Its not to late to ask for help”

“There is a hive of activty down in new mexico  Its seems to be an Argardian favourite  landing spot Fury wants me to check it out”  Clint took  anything or everything  to be working on his birthday

Later it was Nat's turn to offer  her help as she saw him poring over a  book muttering in Russian. Being Clints friend she approached him  “Coffee Cake “She chuckled “Ill take you shopping “  

It was traumtic to enter the store. It had so many people and more than once he tensed and she had to calm him down as they got each of the ingredents . Once again it was suggested that he got a made cake  but Bucky shook his head . He was going to bake that cake , ice that cake and feed it to Clint , or make him wear it if the Archer complained

Tash would check in on the project , various points during the day It was good the fact Bucky wasnt moping without his boyfriend

The first cake flopped and attracted Steve “Let me help Buck” He protested as the Solider  worked hard “NO you are barred from cooking after the pancake incident “He beckoned to to upper  celing that still had burned marks from the other mans pancake  attempts , plural until Stark had make it an order that Rogers would  not be allowed to cook . JARVIS would react if  he did

“I got this Steve” He chuckles “I used to help my Ma bake remember  Just got to use eggs  not used to the real ones  It was always powder back in the war”Bucky chuckled

“So going to ask him outright?” Steve wasnt going anywere  instead was going to watch the man cook . He used to watch Bucky cook  when they were  boys . He was quietly infactuated with the other boy and tried to impress him . Which had lead Steve  to becoming the American Dream

“What are you guys up to “ A Tired Clint returns . He looks like he needs a shower.  “I hate  Scifi nerds it was all a fake landing . Trying to wors...”The Archer stops seeing the cake and the shaky words  Happy Birthday Clint on the cake. A proud Bucky wass just finishing it

“I dont do birthday “ He protests

“Its just a cake “ Bucky shows him hoping for praise . Also ready to put it in his face if he doesnt like it

“You made it “

“Yes “

“For me “

“Just kiss and eat the cake “ Stark complains from the background . So Bucky threw the incomplete cake  - there was more than one but he wont mention that at the intruder

“I dont know what to say “  Clint smiles watching Tony become covered in cake. Of course that results in an Avenger wide cake fight.

Not for the two men though Clint has indeed started to thank Bucky with one sweet imperfect kiss for his boyfriend . Maybe Cake is fine after all, that kiss defintatly was. They dissapered amid that food fight  to find other ways to celebrate his birthday

@averyrogers83 @shield-agent78  @marvel-ouslythirsty  @threeminutesoflife @ past-perfect-future-tense   @phoenixwithoutadoubt @clintbartonbingo @darkbuckybarnesanon

Anyone wanting to be tagged in my fics  let me know

[lenniewip]

Unknown (A Sterek Wrong Number/Celebrity AU)

11.09 PM Unknown Number

>I’m writing songs about you again.

11.20 PM Unknown Number

>its stiles btw.

>in case you deleted my number

>I did.

>I mean I deleted yours.

>but I still remember it apparently

11:41 PM Unknown Number

>I only have 2 lines so far

11:57 PM Unknown Number

>I bleed you from my veins.

>I grieve you like I love you.

>alone.

>its better with the chords.

>u were always better at writing lyrics than me

12:34 AM Unknown Number

>u were better everything than me

2:00 AM Unknown Number

>I hate that I miss you

2:07 AM Unknown Number

>do u want to hook up?

>I promise not to propose again

2:15 AM Unknown Number

>im sorry.

>ignore me.

>im drinking

Derek blinked bleary eyes. His phone screen was the only source of light in his room, as he read through the flurry text messages.

What the hell is a Stiles?

2:17 AM Unknown Number

<I think you have the wrong number

>Lydia?

<no

>oh thank fuck

>I mean

>I’m sorry

>for disturbing ur sleep

>but im just glad I didn’t drunk text my ex all of this

>bullet dodged right?

>is this what near death experiences feel like?

<I wouldn’t know.

>of course

>hey

>seeming as I have you here can I ask you a quick q?

>all my friends are asleep

<probably because its 3am

<everyone’s asleep

>2.39

>and ur not

>asleep that is

>so?

>I’ll take your silence as a go ahead

>what do you think?

>of the lyrics

<im the wrong person to ask

>never experienced heartbreak?

<no

<all song lyrics just look like bad poetry to me

>oh

>yeah I guess it does

>not everyone can be Rupi Kaur tho right?

<do you want to be rupi kaur?

>sure

>not to be dramatic or anything

>but

>I want to be anyone but me

>think id rather be someone like regina spektor tho

<regina spektor?

>singer/song writer

>shes my fucking inspiration

>her lyrics are like poetry to me

>you should listen to her music

<I dont really listen to music

>what the fuck?

>are you an alien?

<no?

>nice fucking try ET

>thats exactly what an alien would say

<…you got me there

>akdjfen

>is this you admitting I was right?

<no

<but this is me going to bed

<because its now 4AM

>already?

>fuck

>ive got an early start tomorrow

>good night random stranger

>and thanks

>for listening

>or reading ig

<good night

//

“You’re late.” Laura frowned, arms crossed.

“Are you going to let me in?” Derek grumbled, still feeling the affects of having stayed up until 4AM the previous night.

Laura didn’t argue she just stepped aside to let him through into her flat. “You’re grumpier than usual.” She noted.

“Didn’t sleep well.”

Derek hated the look she gave him then.

The look that said he was broken. The look that said she wanted to fix him.

“Is…Is it the nightmares again?” Laura’s voice dipped to a whisper, like the question alone would be enough to send him over the edge.

“No.”

An awkward silence defended over the two of them, neither knowing what to say.

Derek clung to the silence like a blanket, wishing things could go back to how they used to be. Back to when they knew how to speak to one another.

But this was enough.

It was enough to know that they were both trying. Failing. But trying.

//

2:40 PM Laura

>I’m here if you need to talk.

//

Derek isn’t good at art, but sometimes it’s the only way he can express himself. Words had never been his forte.

So instead he doodles.

Shitty toddler level doodles that he never shows anyone.

Sometimes he thinks if he could bring himself to show Laura she would like it. Maybe she would even understand it.

But there was a bigger chance that she wouldn’t, and he would feel even more like a stranger to his own sister than he already was.

//

10:18 PM Unknown Number

>I don’t remember it anymore

<You have the wrong number again

>No

>This is ‘not Lydia’ right?

<right

>So here’s the thing.

>I always thought if I needed to text her I could

>And I thought maybe I got her number wrong because I was drunk

>But I can’t remember it anymore

<Oh.

>I have some of her things still

>I don’t think I’ll ever get to return it now

>Unless she messages me first

<When did you two break up?

>Last year

>and I know what you’re thinking

>’it’s October’

>and I should be over her by now

>Trust me I know

>So you don’t need to lecture me

<I wasn’t going to

>Oh

<Stiles?

>That’s weird

<what is?

>I forgot I told you my name

<You should throw away the stuff she left behind.

>you’re right

>I don’t like it.

>but you’re right

>…thanks

<What for?

>for listening

>reading**

>my friends are pretty sick of hearing me complain

>so this is nice

<sure

<anytime

>dope

>no take backsies

<am I going to regret this?

>for definite

>you’re stuck with me now

//

That night Derek saves Stiles’ number as ‘Bad Poet’.

//

Stiles keeps messaging after that.

Stiles messages like they’ve been friends for years, and Derek very determinedly does not analyse why it is he always responds.

Even when there are messages dated from Laura from three days ago that he hasn’t even been able to bring himself to open yet.

He also ignores how when he’s messaging Stiles the gaping pit that had made residence in his chest feels just a little less inescapable.

//

Derek can’t bring himself to tell Stiles his name. He can’t bring himself open up, even though there’s a large part of him that wants to.

He’s not above admitting he’s scared.

//

Derek draws Stiles sometimes.

More accurately he draws a vague pair hands texting on a phone, because he has no idea what Stiles actually looks like.

Derek refuses to let himself dwell on that though, because they are happy drawings.

The pictures of Stiles are pretty much his only happy drawings right now.

//

They don’t always talk about Lydia.

Sometimes Stiles messages Derek song lyrics he’s working on.

Other times it’s memes, or just a bunch of emojis.

Once Stiles had just messaged him what Derek could only assume was a list of everything he had eaten that day.

Sometimes Stiles messages in rambles - and Derek can’t always keep up with the boy’s run away thoughts, but even then he never feels lost the way he does when he’s trying to interact with literally anyone else.

And sometimes it’s 2AM. Those are simultaneously Derek’s favourite and least favourite texts.

//

2:02 AM Bad Poet

>sometimes I feel like too much

>and too little

>at the same time

>u ever feel like that ET?

<not really

>its like I’m infinite, and meaningless

>like a never ending echo

>or a recurring decimal

>I just stretch on and on forever but theres no point to it

>I have no depth

<youre not meaningless

<you’re a rhythm.

<like breathing

>…

>was that a regina spektor reference?

<it might have been

>I thought you didn’t listen to music?

<well someone said her lyrics were like poetry

<so I thought I would check out a few songs

>well fuck

>what did you think?

<she’s good

>you spelt ‘amazing’ wrong

<I still prefer poetry

>of course you do

Derek stared at the texts an ache filling his chest.

Derek was the opposite of infinite. Everything he touched turned to flames.

//

10:30AM Bad Poet

<my sister bought me flower seeds

>I didn’t know you had a sister?

<she’s everything I have

>oh

<and I think she’s trying to trick me into therapy somehow

>…with flower seeds?

<yes

>you sound extremely paranoid

>maybe therapy wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world for you?

<shut up

>noted.

>keep me posted on how your gardening goes

>also

>as a side note

>you know you have me too right?

>if you ever need to talk or anything, I’m right here for you

<thanks

>anytime

//

On Derek’s birthday Laura insists the two of them spend the day together, and Derek knows better than to argue.

She buys him a cake and they spend hours sat next to one another silently. Two strangers desperately trying to keep hold of one another but with an ocean dividing them.

Once their family had been so alive.

And it was all Derek’s fault that was gone.

They both knew it.

Sometimes Derek wondered if Laura hated him as much as he did.

He was too scared to ask.

//

That night Derek chased the ache in his chest away with a drink.

And then several more followed.

//

1:14 AM Bad Poet

<seh haars me

>sorry bud, you’re going to have to try again

>try spell checking before hitting send

<she.hates mee

>who?

<larn

>are you drunk?

<yeh

<tyongs ndrf

*Out Going Call: Bad Poet*

The phone rings twice before being picked up. “Sorry. Stupid keyboard is so small. Impossible to type.” Derek mumbled, his words slightly muffled by his cheek being pressed into the sofa cushion.

“Wow. You’re really sloshed huh?”

“No.” Derek denied. “Just tipsy.”

“Right. So what was it you were trying to tell me? Someone hates you?”

“Laura.”

“Who’s Laura?”

“My sister.”

“Oh.”

“She looks at me like she wishes she could fix me.”

“That doesn’t sound like she hates you, bud.”

“She should. I can’t be fixed.”

“You’re right, because you’re not broken.”

Hearing Stiles say that Derek could almost believe it to be true.

“I mean it. You’re not broken. You’re just a different shape than you used to be. But the shape you are now is beautiful.”

Derek closes his eyes and lets the words wash over him. “Do you sing?” He finds himself asking.

“What?”

“I know you write songs, but do you ever sing?”

“Oh…” Stiles sounds uncomfortable. “I guess… Yeah. I do.”

Derek hummed in the back of his throat. “I bet you have a nice voice.”

“Th-thanks.”

Derek tried to say something else, but all that comes out is a yawn, which makes Stiles let out a jittery laugh.

Derek tries to memorise the sound of It, but it’s so fleeting, it’s already slipping away from him.

“I think you need to go sleep, ET.”

“Yeah.” Derek agrees.

“Goodnight bud.”

“Wait.”

“Yeah?”

“Could you stay on the phone? Just for a bit longer.” Derek clutched on to the phone like if he could grip tightly enough it would make Stiles stay.

I don’t want to be alone. The words die on Derek’s tongue.

“Sure.” Stiles didn’t hesitate. “Of course.”

“Thank you.”

Sleep pulled at Derek’s consciousness, unravelling his grip on reality.

“Stiles?”

Stiles hummed in answer.

“Your shape is beautiful too.”

A small whimper came from the other end of the phone. “Thanks.”

//

7:50 AM Bad Poet

>how are you feeling today?

<better

>good <3

Derek holds his phone tightly and wishes that he had more to say. Just to keep the conversation going.

He also wishes (not for the first time) that Stiles was more than a faceless entity on the other end of the phone.

But it’s the first time he feels the want like a physical ache in his chest.

Derek had never been good with words, but if Stiles was here in front of him Derek would probably give him a hug.

But everything Derek touches eventually dies, and a larger part of him is relieved for the distance.

//

Derek plants the seeds his sister got him that day.

//

9:48 PM Bad Poet

>would it totally weird you out if I wanted to do another phone call?

>don’t feel like you need to say yes

>I just enjoyed talking to you

>and hearing your voice

>ugh.

>why are words so hard?

<I wouldn’t be opposed to a phone call

*Incoming Call: Bad Poet*

“Hey.” Derek feels breathless as he answers the phone, anxious excitement clawing it’s way up his throat.

“Hey.” Stiles sounds equally out of breath, and that helps.

Derek chews on his lip, scrambling for something to say. “What did you want to talk about?”

“I don’t know.” Stiles admitted. “Anything.”

“Helpful.” Derek said sarcastically.

“I mean. There’s one thing. I didn’t want to ask when you were drunk because it felt a little like taking advantage. And I don’t want you to think you have to answer-”

“Stiles.” Derek interrupts before Stiles could break into a full blown ramble.

“Tell me your name.” Stiles breaks. “Please.”

Anxiety grips his heart. But… he couldn’t stay scared forever.

“It’s Derek.”

“Derek.” Stiles repeats his name in a reverent whisper, as if committing it to memory.

And hearing Stiles say his name makes everything worth it.

//

Phone calls become a regular thing between the two of them over the next month. Always between late in the evening and the early hours of the day.

//

The next time Derek spirals he doesn’t drink before he calls Stiles, but he does cry on the phone.

The next morning he wakes up to a text from Stiles.

6:42 AM Bad Poet

>you need to talk to your sister

And Derek knows he’s right.

//

It’s not easy confronting Laura. He has two separate anxiety attacks on the walk to her apartment alone.

But he forces himself to take the dive.

“It’s okay if you hate me.” He tells her, even though it’s not okay. Laura’s hate might be the only thing in the world that could break him beyond repair.

Laura looks horrified as she stares at him. “I don’t- Obviously I don’t hate you Derek.”

“It’s my fault that they’re gone.” Derek addresses the elephant in the room.

If he hadn’t fallen in love with Kate.

If he hadn’t broken up with her, just to try and prove a point when she refused to say ‘I love you’ back…

There never would have been a fire.

Their family would still be here if it wasn’t for him.

“Fuck that!” Laura let out a harsh noise. “Derek, none of this was ever your fault. You were a kid, and even if you weren’t… You never set the fire.”

“I might as well have.”

“No. If anyone… I was your big sister- am your big sister. But I was so fucking wrapped up in myself. I didn’t even know about Kate.”

The last time Derek had seen Laura cry it had been at the funeral, so it took a second to fully sink in what he was seeing.

He found himself crying to.

“I’m so sorry, Der.”

Derek stumbled forwards pulling Laura into a crushing hug. Laura hugs him back just as tight.

They spend hours refusing to let go of one another.

//

He realises he fell asleep on Laura’s sofa when he woke up to the sound of his phone ringing. But he had no idea where it was, and he was too tired to move.

He feels Laura moving and the sound of the phone ringing gets louder before cutting off abruptly.

“Hello?”

“No - Derek’s asleep.”

“Maybe call at a more reasonable time?”

“Who is this?”

“Your voice sounds familiar.”

“Right.”

“Okay. Bye.”

Derek let sleep over take him once more.

//

2:29 AM Bad Poet

>sorry for calling so late

>you’re asleep so I’ll just take to you tomorrow

//

9:07 AM Bad Poet

<sorry, I was really tried

>no worries man

>you’re allowed to have a life outside of me

<was something wrong?

>no I was just bored, and didn’t realise how late it had gotten

>im fine

>how are you?

<im good actually

<I spoke to Laura

>yeah?

>I’m proud of you

>how’d that go?

<we both cried

<a lot

<and I ended up falling asleep on her couch

>look at you, opening up and shit.

>think I might cry now

<shut up

>literally never

>better men have tried and failed to silence me

//

2:40 PM Laura

>Want to see a movie on Friday?

<sure

//

One night Stiles calls Derek just to say his name in stupid ways, and laugh himself stupid after each one.

“Duhreek.”

“Doreck.”

“Fuck. I’m getting a stitch from laughing.”

“You’re so fucking dumb.” Derek is smiling as he said it.

“Deeruk.” Stiles wheezes out.

Derek just closes hie eyes and listens.

“I’m so fucking glad I know you, Stiles.” The words fall out of Derek’s mouth without much thought.

He only realises the weight of his words when Stile’s laughter pulls to a stop.

“I uh-” Stiles stammered. “Me too. Fuck. You’re the best thing to happen to me in…so fucking long. I’m glad I know you too Derek.”

//

Derek finally admits to himself that night that he’d fallen at least a little in love with the stranger from the unknown number.

//

He keeps trying to draw Stiles, but he can’t. Vague shapes just don’t cut it anymore.

He wants to map Stiles out with his eyes and translate it onto the page.

He wants to be able to see the smile behind the laughter.

He wants.

//

1:58 AM Bad Poet

>do you think you day we’ll actually meet?

>maybe not intentionally

>maybe one day we’d pass each other in the streets and not even know

>maybe we already have

Derek couldn’t imagine a scenario where he wouldn’t notice Stiles.

<is there ever a moment when you’re not talking?

<I think id recognise your voice and know it was you

>maybe your face would make me speechless ;)

<I think id still know

<but if you want to be sure… I could send you a picture?

<of me

>dkfajd

>for reals?

>you would do that?

>you?

<well…not for free

>there’s always a catch

>what do you want?

>my soul?

>a blood debt?

>you can have whatever it is

<I meant you’d have to send me a picture too

<geez stiles

The next text takes an unnervingly long time to come through.

>I could do that

>a photo for a photo

>I kind of look like shit rn

>so no judging me

Derek spends the next two minutes fussing and fidgeting to take a good photo. No matter what angle he took it from the bags under his eyes were noticeable, and so was the week’s worth of stubble he had yet to shave off.

And maybe this was a terrible, awful, idea.

But Derek would send one hundred bad pictures if it meant getting to see one of Stiles.

He forced himself to press send on the last picture he took.

As he pressed send another photo came in.

Derek’s fingers shook as he hit the button to download the image.

His heart stopped.

Stiles was beautiful in every sense of the word, and Derek found himself unable to look away. Even when he heard the small dings of incoming messages.

But he couldn’t ignore them for long, because it was Stiles. And when ever Stiles messaged Derek had to answer.

>Fucking hell

>are you for real?

>you gave me a heart attack

>am I being catfished right now?

>when do you think you were going to tell me you’re the most fucking beautiful man to exist ever?

>how the hell to you look like that as 2AM!?

>Derek

>oh my god

>you gotta respond my dude because I’m freaking out a little bit

>still there?

>did my selfie scare you away?

>I would have tried harder for a nice photo if I knew I was talking to an adonis

>Derek?

<still here

>of thank fuck

>so…

<so?

>come on

>your going to give me a complex

>the selfie…was it okay?

>I know it’s not much

>but we can’t all be greek gods

<its beautiful

<you’re beautiful, stiles

>oh

>thanks

//

Derek is so far gone that he makes the picture of Stiles the home screen on his phone.

//

9:49 AM Bad Poet

<Laura wants me to meet her boyfriend

<this is all your fault

>how is this my fault?

<because she never wanted to introduce us before

<and then you got me to talk to my sister

<and now she wants me to meet him

>…and this is a bad thing?

<yes

>because?

<I don’t make good first impressions

<it’s going to be awkward

>yeah probably

<you’re not helpful

>I wasn’t trying to be ;)

>have fun, Derek!

//

Meeting Laura’s boyfriend wasn’t as awkward as Derek thought it was going to be. But it was strange.

Derek hadn’t been expecting to meet someone so soft and kind. He was nothing like any one that Laura had dated before.

But he also wasn’t used to seeing Laura smile as much as she did around him.

Maybe not all change was bad.

//

Derek tells Laura about Stiles by accident. Or more accurately he mentions Stiles once by accident (not even by name) and Laura had badgered him until he admitted that he had made a friend through a wrong number.

“There’s a lot of weirdos out there.”

“I know.”

God did Derek ever know.

But Stiles is different.

“Just…be careful.”

“I am being. I promise.”

Laura reluctantly lets it go after that. “So…what’s he like?”

“He’s…he’s like bad poetry.”

“Oh god. You’re in love with him aren’t you?”

Derek can’t bring himself to deny it, but he does tell Laura to shut up.

//

Derek fully embraces being in love with Stiles on the day he tells Stiles about his drawings. He’d never told anyone about them before - not even Laura. But telling Stiles had been easy.

‘It reminds me of line art’ Stiles had said when Derek had sent him a photo of the doodle he had been working on. “I love it’.

A warmth flutters through Derek’s veins.

//

It all goes sideways on the day Laura goes on Derek’s phone to check the time.

She’d raised one eyebrow at him looking amused.

“I thought you didn’t listen to music?” She said, a teasing note to her voice.

“I don’t.” Derek shrugged.

“A huh. So why do you have a picture of Stiles Stilinski as your wallpaper?” She asks.

It’s so startling to hear Stiles name coming out of Laura’s mouth that Derek’s brain refuses to function properly. “How do you know Stiles?” He asks weakly.

Laura laughs. “He’s not exactly a niche celebrity Der. He was a really famous YouTuber before he started selling albums.”

Derek doesn’t know what to say to that. He blinks as his world slowly unravels before him.

No.

She had to be wrong, because Derek couldn’t be in love with a celebrity. Stiles couldn’t be…

“Hey are you okay? You look really sick?”

“He’s famous?” His throat is dry.

“Yes? Are you okay? What’s wrong? You’ve got to speak to me Der. Use your words.”

Derek just shakes his head because he can’t.

“It’s him.” He manages to get out.

“What are you talking about?”

“Laura. It’s him.”

It takes a moment to click but Derek knows when it does because a look of thunderous wrath takes over Laura’s face.

“I’ll kill him.” She seethes, shaking with anger. “What kind of fucking punk thinks that this is a good prank to play?”

“What?”

“No one is getting away with catfishing you, Der. I’m going to hunt this fucker down, and then I’ll rip him so many new ones that he going to look like SpongeBob when I’m done with him.”

And god, Derek hadn’t even considered the thought that Stiles might not even be Stiles. The thought of Stiles being a liar…

The gape in his heart grows a little bit bigger.

And it all falls apart.

//

It takes hours before Derek can convince himself to confront Stiles.

11:08 PM Bad Poet

<you’re stiles stilinki

>fuck

(And yeah, it was really him).

>how did you find out?

<Laura

>I was going to tell you

<Were you?

>Yes

>I’ve wanted to for ages

>It just never felt like the right time to bring it up

<I wish you had decided on the right time was sooner

>Me too

>I’m sorry

>Please don’t hate me

Derek did not think it was possible for him to hate any part of Stiles.

<I don’t

>Thank fuck

>seriously

>can I call you?

<sure

Derek closed his eyes after sending the text and waited for Stiles to ring. A heartbeat later his ringtone sounded off.

“Hey.”

“You believe me right?” And Stiles sounds more frantic than Derek had ever heard him before.

“I believe you, Stiles.”

“Are you sure, because I can prove it if you want? I can do a video call? Or I can tweet literally anythi-”

“Stiles.”

“Yeah?”

“You don’t have to prove anything to me.”

Stiles lets out a small whine, that reaches through the phone line and yanks at Derek’s already tattered heart, unraveling him just a little more.

“Meet me.” Stiles said, taking Derek by surprise.

“What?”

“Please. I meant to throw a please in there, I’m just really fucking nervous right now. Meet me please. In real life. I uh- I was going to ask when I finally told you about the whole being a celebrity thing. It’s still weird to say that out loud. That’s part of why it was so hard to tell you. But the point was you beat me to the punch with the whole reveal thing, but I still wanted to ask.”

“Stiles…”

“And it’s not that I was trying to use my influence or fame to pressure you into meeting me. I just wanted to be in a space where we were one hundred per cent honest with one another before I asked you. You can still say no. Of course you can, I don’t know why I’m- my point is I hope you don’t say no.”

Derek feels his heart break in two.

“Stiles…I can’t.”

“Oh.”

He hadn’t fully realised just how many worlds apart the two of them were when he had fallen in love with Stiles. It felt even more impossible than it had before.

“I’m sorry.” The words leave him feeling hollow.

“No. Don’t apologise. This is just me getting carried away. It’s okay.”

I love you. The words never leave Derek. They can’t leave him.

There was no way this could work, and he was far too scared of breaking the tentative connection they had with his useless words.

It was better for him to just… fall out of love.

//

6:17AM Laura

<it’s really him

>are you sure

<I’m sure

>what are you going to do?

<nothing

>Derek you’re in love with him

<I’m aware

<it doesn’t matter

<it wouldn’t ever work

>I’m sorry

<don’t be

<I’m going to be fine

>Im coming over with wine

//

That night Derek fills pages and pages of his notebook with drawings of Stiles.

When he gets a message from Stiles at 11PM- for the first time since they started messaging- Derek leaves it unopened.

//

He never ignores a message again after that, and life moves on. Stiles still messages him all the time, but he never asks to call anymore.

Derek misses his voice so much that he goes onto youtube and listens to his music.

He buys all three albums Stiles released and it still doesn’t feel like enough.

//

He fills an entire notebook with doodles of Stiles.

It’s still not enough.

//

1:11 PM Bad Poet

>I wrote you a song

>I know you don’t listen to music

>but it felt weird to not a least send you a link

>bad poetry at 2:00am

The link leads Derek to a youtube video of Stiles holding a ukulele and staring with a soft smile at the camera.

“Hey guys. It’s been a while, huh? But I guess I finally found inspiration. So here we go.”

The song is beautiful, but even more beautiful than that was Stiles.

When the song reached the end Derek doesn’t hesitate to hit replay.

He listens to the song ten times before he realises he’s crying - and he knows that he’s never going to ‘get over’ Stiles because he doesn’t want to.

//

3:00 PM Laura

>have you seen the video?

<he sent me a link

<he wrote a song for me Laura

<I love him so fucking much and he wrote a song for me

>fuck

<what do I do?

>what do you want to do?

<I don’t know

>I think you should look at his twitter

<?

>I wasn’t going to say anything because you said you wanted to get over him

>but I think you need to see it

>@stilesstilinki

//

@stilesstilinski

I want to hug him

@stilesstilinski

Get you a guy that will stay up with you until 4AM talking about literally anything

@stilesstilinski

Why do I alway fall for people so far out of my league? rip me I guess.

@stilesstilinski

He makes me want to write poetry

Derek spends hours scrolling through Stiles’ twitter.

He scrolls far enough back that he gets to the part of his timeline where his twitter is littered with pictures of Lydia, which causes the ache in Derek’s chest to grow. But he can’t stop looking because Stiles looks so happy.

And Derek falls impossibly more in love.

He lets himself acknowledge for the first time that Stiles might love him back.

And everything else?

It’s worth it.

Because Stiles is worth everything to Derek.

//

2:00 AM Bad Poet

<so I looked at your twitter

>fuck.

>how much did you see?

<all of it

>tight

>please excuse me while I go die now

>bye

<don’t leave yet

<I had something I wanted to ask you

>did you want me to delete the tweets?

>I can do that

>I’ll just delete the whole account

>I am my own worst enemy so this won’t be a problem

>actually Jackson Whittemore is my worst enemy

>but I’m a close second

<stiles?

>yup?

<Will you go on a date with me?

>alkdjf

>yes?

>Ofc yes?

>are you being serious?

>because this would be a cruel prank if you’re not serious

<I’m serious

>yes.

>yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes.

>holy shit

>theres no fucking universe where I say ‘no’ to that question from you

>im so fucking in love with you

>is it too soon to say that?

>I don’t even care

>I’m speaking my truth

>you obviously don’t have to say it back

>im going to woo you so hard Derek

>you’ll have to love me back eventually

>I’m going to write you poetry

>hell I’ll even read poetry for you

>ill give the whole fucking moon to you

<why would I want the moon?

<im not gru?

>despicable me

>that was a despicable me reference.

>you don’t listen to music, but you watch despicable me?

>you’re such an enigma to me Derek

>god I love you so much

<stiles?

>too much?

<no

<I don’t think I could ever have too much of you

<I love you too stiles

<so much

<I just don’t want you to get your hopes up

<I might not be able to live up to it in real life

>impossible

<seriously stiles

>I am being serious

>I’m already in love with you Der

>you don’t have to do anything more than you’ve already done

>you could wear a potato sack, and spend the whole night not saying anything at all

>and I would still be in love with you

>all you have to do now is show up

<…I can do that

>perfect

//

TWO YEARS LATER

@stilesstilinski

Hey @JacksonWhittemore, remember when you told me I would die alone? Well I just got engaged to the love of my life. So checkmate fucker.

[jungshookz]

idk if you accept requests or not but if you do can u make an au where ot7 nd yn live together nd like all of them love each other so much but platonically????? also idk the shits they do on daily basis ??? if you dont then its okay jus wanna drop by nd say im so in love with your works ily💞💞

❄️ pairing: ot7 x reader

❄️ genre: nothing but plaTONIC LOVE,,,, SO CUTE,,, FLUFFIER THAN FRESHLY FALLEN SNOW, also jungkook is awful at wrapping 

❄️ wordcount: 2.4k

❄️ notes: MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIENDS! i was actually going to post this in the afternoon but theN i wanted this to be like a surprise present under the tree for everyone so here i am posting it at literally 3 in the morning!!!!!!! so when u wake up in the morning not only will u be opening presents u will also be able to reAD this! YES i’m aware that i skipped out on a couple drabbles from the 12 drabbles of christmas and i am sO sorry but i’ve been spending time with family and y’all know how it is i hope you can forgive me! anyways enough blabbering from me happy holidays merry christmas happy hanukah happy nEw yEar happy whatever you celebrate i love u all and i can’t wait to go into the new year with you lovely people! 

(gif isn’t mine!)

“is she awake?”

“obviously not,,, what time is it??”

“nearly 8 and y/n doesn’t wake up until like 12 when it’s the holidays”

you hear the sound of your curtains being pushed open and you can see your room brightening up even though you have an eye mask on

ugH is it already time to get up????

you were up til 3 watching christmas movies and yA you’re super pumped that it’s literally christmas right now and you get to open your presents under the tree but like,,,

you would prefer to do all of that later,, maybe at like 12

“someone should just push her off the bed”

“don’t do that you priCK”

“someone just wake her up!! i wanna open my preSENTS”

“well you guys take care of this because i have to go and prepare breakfast”

you’re tempted to just go back to sleep but u know that the boys will literally just stand there and talk to each other about how to wake you up 

you reach up to lift your eye mask up and you’re met with the sight of seven smiling faces (except for yoongi because it’s too frickin early for him too and he’s tempted to crawl in and snuggle up with you)

“good morning” your voice is still thick with sleep and you pull your mask off and toss it aside before propping yourself up on your elbows and letting out a yawn “merry chris-“

“mERRY CHRISTMAS LET’S GO OPEN PRESENTS NOW” the next thing you know you’re being swePT out of bed and jungkook has you in his arms and he’s sprinting down the stairs like a madman

you shriek and cling onto him because you literally juSt woke up and your brain is still low-key in sleep mode and the world is spinNing and

jungkook plops you down on the couch and you squeak from the impact before suddenly you’re bouncing off the couch and tumbling to the ground

“oW” you groan and flip over onto your stomach on the ground before reaching down and rubbing at your sore butt

do butts have bones?? because you’re pretty sure all the bones in your ass are completely shattered right now  

“omg get off of me whoever you are” you feel someone take a seat on your tender bum and you reach back blindly in a poor attempt to swat the person off

you immediately hear jimin’s jingly giggle and he slides off before patting your bum “sit up!!”

“no” you murmur with your cheek squished against the carpet

you could just fall asleep like this

ah

yes

sleep

you want to

slee-

“gEt up!” tae grabs your waist and pulls you up and sets you down on the couch next to yoongi who is (this) close to falling asleep

you let out another yawn and rest your head against yoongi’s shoulder and he slips an arm around your waist so that the both of you are comfortable

you never thought yoongi was the cuddling type but it turns out he really reaLLy is which is something u definitely don’t mind

“you two - it’s christmas!!! liven up a little!” namjoon pats the tops of your guys’ head and you grumble in response

“y/n you should open my present first!” tae plops a neat little box onto your lap and you blink down at it before humming and nodding

you pull away from yoongi and he groans quietly at the loss of warmth

“thank you for the gift, tae” you smile sleepily and reach up to pat your cheeks to wake yourself up

hoO

okay

christmas morning

let’s do this

you tear the bright wrapping paper to pieces and immediately feel a lot more energised when you see what tae got u for christmas “i knitted a scarf for you and i have a matching one so noW you too can be a fashionista”

“how long did it take you to make this??” you pull it out of the box and look closely at the stitching

obviously there are a couple missing stitches but that gives the scarf character and it’s oddly endearing

tae stitched in pretty neutral grandpa-y shades but it totally works and it looks v v trendy

“i’m going to wear this noW” you grin and wrap it around your neck and that’s when u notice the scent

tae sprayed some of his fancy gucci cologne on this tOO

you might have to steal some from him when the scent eventually fades away

“y/n! a nintendo swiTCH R U KIDDING ME” jungkook tackles you in a hug before jumping up and down excitedly and hugging the box to his chest “can i play it now???” he gasps and you can’t help but laugh at how childish he’s acting “why am i asking u for ur permission this is mINE NOW also i have a gift for u somewhere under the tree”  

you look under the tree and u immediately recognise all the presents that are from kook because of the (no offence) poor wrapping skills

one of them is just wrapped up completely in duct tape like how r u supposed to open that up without losing a finger

hopefully that one isn’t yours (spoiler alert: it is yours)

“here’s my first gift to you guys-“ jin walks out of the kitchen carrying a tray of mugs “hot cocoa, anyone?”

the boys immediately flocK to jin like a group of seagulls when they spot a single french fry on the ground

“ya ya yA CALM DOwN before i drop the tray!” he scolds

“hyung, that’s my mug!”

“no it’s not, it’s mine! y/n got me the one with snowflakes, remember??”

“yours is the one with the christmas lights you dummy now hand it over”

“no! get your hands off mY mug!!”

“does it really matter whose mug is whoSE but also sorry jimin kook is right yours is the one with the christmas lights and not the snowflakes ” jin nudges the two bickering boys out of the way and heads over to you and yoongi

“yoongi - yours has coffee in it”

“oh thank god” yoongi grabs his mug and immediately takes a sip from it before letting out a satisfied sigh

“and y/n - yours has a sprinkle of cinnamon in it and extra marshmallows” you take the mug from the tray excitedly

“you’re too nice to me” you reach up to pinch jin’s cheek and he scowls at you

“teLL me about it”

“come and open some of your presents! you can make breakfast later”

“the pancake batter doEs need to set for a while so i suppose i can open up some gifts” jin sets the tray down on the coffee table before dusting his hands off “okay so which one is mine”

“u got more than one, silly. open my gift first!! it’s that big box in the corner” you take a sip of your cocoa oH ShiT this is good ur gonna need jin to make at least a gallon of this for u every week

“oH A BIG box” jin gasps and steps over the other boys as he makes his way over to it

he bends down and grunts as he lifts it up “jesus y/n what did you get me??? a ton of bricks???” he huffs and plops it back down on the ground and you’re like bE CAREFUL

jin doesn’t take very long to unwrap the gift and- “A NEW MIXER” he literally squEaLs with glee and you’re pretty sure your ears are bleeding “you’re right kook we should’ve opened presents earlier because then i could’ve used this baby to make the pancake batter”

look

last year all of your gifts were kind of pathetic compared to everything the boys were giving you and even tho they all insisted they lovEd their gifts you were like ://///// so thIS YEAR you decided to go all out and just get EVERYThing you thought the boys would like and u know what so far you are killing it girl

santa clause whO

also the boys did a really good job with all of your gifts!!

namjoon got you a new journal for the new year

jimin got you fairy lights AND a brand new bedside lamp that’s super adorable

hoseok got you a super suPER cool poster to hang up in your room he hired an artist to paint you as snow white and the boys as the seven dwarves and the captions says ‘y/n and the seven idiots’

taheyung knitted you a scarf

jin got you this fancy silky robe that you’ll definitely be wearing everyday after you come home from work

yoongi got you a new pair of headphones because he’s sick of seeing you use those godawful apple earbuds from like 2008

and last but not least

jungkook got you-

“oh, this is so cute!” you coo as you pull the mug out of the mess of duct tape

it’s a mug with a picture of you and the boys celebrating your birthday this year

you’re sat in the middle laughing your ass off with watery eyes and a crinkled nose with the boys surrounding you and jungkook is swiping frosting off the side of the cake and jimin’s yanking his arm back and jin’s trying to light the candles and tae is sitting on your lap and hoseok is sitting on taE’s lap and namjOon is pointing at the camera (because it was on timer mode and nO one was ready for the picture) and yoongi has his face in his hands looking like he regrets everything

it’s perfectly imperfect if that makes any sense

“thank you kook” you grin and squish a couple kisses to his cheek before looking at the picture again

it’s sO cute and also it makes you thank the gods because like,, how lucky are you that you get to spend every day with these dumbasses that you love and adore so dang much

“i wish it could be christmas everyday” hoseok sighs and shoves a forkful of pancake into his mouth

“i don’t. my wallet would hate me.” yoongi snorts and steals a blueberry off your plate

you nudge it closer to him before leaning back against your chair and rubbing your stomach “i think i’m about to explode” you groan

“i told you not to force that fourth pancake down” jin sighs as he scrubs away at the dishes

“i can’t help it when your food is sO good” you plop your plate down in the sink with a clang

and then u finally notice

“it’S SNOWING” you gasp as you look out the kitchen window

“you didn’t notice??” tae raises a brow and they all watch as you sprint to the living room to puSh all the curtains open

and WOW

thick thiCK blankets of snow covering every surface while snowflakes continue to flutter down to the ground

the backyard is just all WHITE AND YOU’VE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED BEFORE

“we were thinking after breakfast we could go out and play around in the snow if you wanted-“

“oF COURSE I DO” for some reason you’re unable to lower your voice because that’s how excited you are

in fact you’re so excited u can’t even wait to change out of your PJs and you’re already slipping your coat and beanie on

“c’mon people let’s move let’s moVE jin you can wash the dishes later kook u can play the nintendo later let’s get a moVE ON” you clap your hands together and the boys know there’s no changing your mind at this point

if u wanna go out in ur PJs you’re going to go out in your PJs

“y/n, watch it!” jimin scolds when you nearly knock into his and tae’s snowman after trying to avoid yet another one of kook’s snowballs

“sorry jimin!!” you apologize before bursting into giggles when jungkook starts sprinting towards you clutching a snowball the size of a bouLDER

you duck down instinctively when he hurls it in your direction and-

“jeon jungkook you brat i’m going to kiLL YOU” yoongi roars when the snowball hiTS him and the wetness starts seeping into his sweater

jungkook laughs gleefully and tries his best to flee (it’s hard running in thick layers of snOW) as yoongi starts chasing him around

jin and namjoon are standing by the doors sipping on their hot cocoa and occasionally bursting into laughter at one of your guys’ antics

hoseok has been lying on the ground making snow angels for the past 20 minutes

he’s literally made like 10 snow angels already but he’s having fun so it’s okay

you screech when jungkook pelts you in the faCe with a snowball and you immediately feel like your face is going to freeze over

you end up tackling kook to the ground and u shove snow right into his face and jungkook grins before starting to dig his fingers into your sides to tickle you

“alright aLRIGHT everyone back into the house because there are dishes to wash and wrapping paper to throw away AND i have to get started on dinner and i need all the help i can get!” jin calls out and slides the door open to step back inside “everyone back in this house in 30 seconds otherwise i will not hesitate to lock you outside in the cold!”

jungkook fLIps you over his shoulder when you trip over the snow yet again because of your innate klutziness

you giggle and whack his butt

best christmas ever

:•)

[lovemesomesurveys]

Do you feel bored with your life? I do feel that way, some days more so than others. Like some days even the few things I like to do, like Tumblr and surveys, just don’t cut it.  Who’s someone you miss that you haven’t talked to in years? Ty. Do you miss anyone who was mean to you in the past? No. How do you feel right now? Tired. Do you have severe withdrawals from medications? I imagine I would if I had to stop taking my pain medication. 

What’s the most weight you’ve ever gained from a medication? I’ve never had weight gain from a medication. Do you have a doctor you can trust? I just answered this in the previous survey. Wth is going with these surveys, man. So many will have the same questions, and not just the basic ones that like all surveys have, but ones that should be more random like this.  What’s the stupidest decision you ever made? Oh where to start. The health related ones definitely top the cake. There were things I could have and should have done, but didn’t for some stupid reason. I should have taken better care of myself.  What’s the best thing that ever happened to you? When my younger brother was born (cue the “awwwwww”). I was 9 and may not have been psyched about having a brother at first (sorry!), but he’s the best little bro ever. Turned out so much better than me. He should be the older one, honestly. I look up to him. And also of course all the doggos I’ve been fortunate to have in my life. How old were you the first time you encountered God? When I was a young kid, but I didn’t really understand it and then I got to be older and went through many years of being atheist and agnostic. I was led back to Him when Ty came back into my life in late 2015. Have you ever been filled with the Holy Spirit? I believe so. Have you ever had an encounter with the supernatural? No. How many tattoos do you have, and what are they of? I don’t have any. How do you get through hard times? * I dont rlly do anything all that different. Like, my overall routines dont rlly change, I still do mostly the same stuff on a day-to-day basis. I do try to find more comforting and distracting things to do, tho, and I try to be extra kind and patient toward myself when Im struggling or when life puts some bit of unwanted chaos in my path, ahah <<< Same for the first part about not doing anything different in regards to what I do and my overall routines staying the same, but also trying to distract myself more. I’ve been going through a really hard time for a long time, but here we are. That being said, I’m not doing anything to try and better it, and that’s where my issue is.  What’s the most physically painful thing you’ve ever experienced? The pain after surgical procedures.  What’s the worst level of emotional pain you’ve ever experienced? Losing loved ones and my depression, particularly these past few years. Have you ever been suicidal? Not actively. I can’t say I’ve never thought about it, but I’ve never seriously planned anything or tried anything. I’m too scared and I don’t want to hurt my loved ones. And truthfully, I don’t really want to die. I just want to start living. I want to not feel this way anymore and not have this battle with my mind and feeling as sad and miserable and crappy as I do. I want to live a live I’m passionate about and actually do something. Do you pray? If yes, to whom? Yes, to God. Do you ever feel lost and alone? “If you’re lost and alone, and sinking like a stone, carry onnnnn.” What do you miss about high school? I mean, I wouldn’t wanna go back, but there were some good parts. It had its ups and downs.  What do you miss the most about college? I’ve answered this recently. Did you like high school? Like I said, it had its ups and downs. What was the name of the first dorm you lived in? I never lived in a dorm. What was the last thing that made you angry? Blah. Have you ever been the victim of a crime? Yes. I’m a victim of a drive-by shooting. Is your life worse than you could have ever have imagined it to be? I mean, I didn’t imagine my life being how its been these past few years... …or is it better, or just what you expected? No. Are you married? No. Are you hurting in any way right now? Yes. Are you currently missing someone? There’s a few people I’ll always miss. What are you wearing? Black leggings and a gray Nirvana shirt. What was the last flavor of tea you drank? Peppermint.  Do you feel like youtube’s gotten boring lately? No. What would you change about your hair if you could? I just need to get it dyed and trimmed. Are you jealous of anyone? No. Do you have a secret? Maybe. If you could tell anyone a secret right now, who would it be? No one. Do you miss someone that you blew it with? Yes. I’ll always regret how things went with Ty.  Is there a guy (or girl) you wish you hadn’t screwed things up with? Yeah, Ty. What was the best date you’ve ever been on? Coffee shop and bookstore dates with Ty. What’s the last great song you discovered? Hmm. Do you prefer color or black and white? I like both, just depends. Do you own a thermometer? Yeah. Has facebook gotten boring lately? Yeah it kinda is.  Do you feel free to post how you feel on facebook? I don’t really post anything on there anymore, especially not anything personal or about my opinions on big topics.  Which stereotype do you fit the most? Don’t know, don’t care. What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Burger King, Taco Bell, Chick-Fil-A, McDonalds, and Jack in the Box. I haven’t been into fast food; though, the past couple months, which is very odd for me.  What is the most beautiful landscape you have ever seen? For my birthday we took a gondola ride up 9000ft and got the most beautiful view of the mountains, lake, and city. It was incredible.  What is one place you have always wanted to visit? Hawaii. What was your favorite vacation you went on as a child? Disneyland. Who were your favorite celebrities as a child? I was the 12/13/14 year old with tons of posters all over my wall from magazines.  What was the first CD you bought? I think the 1st one I bought myself was Ashlee Simpson’s CD, Autobiography. ha.  How old are you? 30. What year were you born? 1989. Did you go to prom? Yes. Are you jealous of people who are ten years younger? I’m kind of envious in some ways. For one, they’re 20 years old aka babies and not old like me haha. But second of all, they’re really just starting out. I’m envious of the ones who are living their best lives and having fun and the ones who are starting college and making the best of it while also having a good social life. People at 20 still have so much time ahead to figure things out, and that I’m very envious of. If you could rewind time ten years, would you? It would be tempting. There’s so much I’d like to do differently. The thought of going through college all over again isn’t appealing, though. But man. Some changes that I’d like to change might make it worth it, though.. they would make such a big difference for me. Some of the things I’m dealing with now I don’t think I would be if I did some things differently. What do you miss the most about your past? I miss my childhood the most. Do you like getting older? Not at all. What is the last song you played on repeat? Hm. I’m not one to really play songs on repeat, so I don’t recall. Do you own a CD player? Nope. What hard thing are you going through right now, if applicable? My health and life stuff. What do you need prayer for? Good health and strength.  Are you ok? “I’m not okay, I’m not o-fucking-kay.” What’s the best retreat you’ve ever been on? I haven’t been on a retreat.  Do you love free falling? “Now I’m freeeeeee. Free fallin’.” Do you prefer slow songs or fast songs? I like both. Have you made any progress toward going after your dreams? No. I don’t even have any dreams to work towards right now. Who encourages you to go after your dreams? My family definitely would. They always have. Do you have regrets? Do I ever. Does anyone really know you? I don’t even really know me. I’ve changed these past few years and became someone I don’t know and certainly don’t like. I’m struggling with whether this is who I really am now, or am I like this because of my depression and health stuff? I really don’t know. Are you close to anyone right now? My mom and brother. What color is your trash can? The one in my room is white. Do you know anyone who is stuck-up? Yes. What color is your dresser? Brown. Are you more boho, hipster, sporty, goth, or girly? I’m just casual. What were your favorite clothing stores in high school? Hot Topic, Macys, JCP... I don’t really remember where else I shopped in high school.  Do you drive a car? No. If not, do you wish you had a car? I don’t drive, so I have no use for a car. Do you own a computer? If yes, is it a desktop or laptop? I have a laptop. What color is your cell phone? Coral. How old were you when you first got a cell phone? 16. What is your favorite season? Fall. Do you wish you had a popsicle right now? No. I’m not a popsicle person. Or ice cream in general, really. I rarely have any. It’s been like 3 years since I’ve had any. Who was your favorite family pet when you were growing up? My dog, Scruffy. He was with us from the time I was 5 until I was 18. What’s your favorite color? Pastels, yellow, mint green, rose gold, and coral. Do you like pineapple on pizza? Nope. List five of your favorite youtubers. Nah. Who’s your best friend? My mom. If you don’t have one, who do you wish were your best friend? Is your heart hurting? Not physically, but yeah. What song are you listening to right now, if any? I’m not. At what time of day do you usually feel the most energetic? Never? What medication or drug has given you the worst withdrawals? I’m sure my pain med would.