#i can never have nice things. theyre always taken or ruined in some way!!!!

[autisticlee]

ah. do you ever realize life/the universe loves pulling crazy pranks on you.

when I was a kid, the only birthday party I remember having, where I was old enough to remember I guess, I was 4 or 5 and some extended family came over. I didnt have friends so it was just a few cousins and grandparents and whatnot. I was sick like I was every winter (and the entire time I was in school tbh) so I just wanted to sleep. I slept through my whole bday party and woke up to everyone gone.

I tried to have a bday party when I was somewhere around 10-12 (can't remember what year now) and invited classmates and people I considered friends. my parents prepared my party and made cake and food and we decorated and everything. hours passed and no one showed up. I called and none of them were home. turns out the "friends" skipped my party and hung out together and I got made fun of for that.

so for my 30th bday, I wanted to do something. I had one friend from another country come visit and found an anime con for us to travel to. we needed to split the cost with others and I don't really have other friends so she invited her friends. only 2 were able to go, but the whole thing went from being my bday party to more of my friend getting to gang out with her friends, so it wasnt even really for my bday for anyone else. just me.

in the end, I got sick the day after my friend got here. I am still sick over a month later. the worst of it was while we were at the con, which was my birthday weekend where I pretend i'm having a big bday party with a few friends. but nothing went to plan. I didn't even get to go to the con. I stayed sick at the hotel coughing until I threw up every day all day. things not going to plan led to everyone getting mad at me and arguing with me because I had to cancel one of our other plans because I was too sick and by that point i had infected everyone else. that led to 3 people being at my house and my family throwing a fit because they only approved of one so I was sick and getting screamed at for the week they were there until they finally went home, and even screamed at after, because I could not convince anyone to do what I asked them to do (like take a bus home tomorrow, not 5 days from now) and what my parents screamed at me to make them do (taking thr bus home tomorrow, not wait 5 days to take the train instead). I dont even remember most of the first 3 weeks my friend was here and didn't get to enjoy it because we were both too sick. and etc. everything went wrong, but that's not the point of this post. i'm getting off topic.

anyway, the universe and life played a cruel joke on me by taking my childhood memories of failed bdays and making this one big bday plan I had (probably the last time i'd try to make bday plans ever since they always failed all these years) and I had the attention taken off my bday and put on my friend because her friends wanted to see her while she visited me, I didn't yet to spend as much time with her as I had wanted to because everyone else wanted to and took up at least 2 of those weeks, AND I got so sick I basically missed my party (the con I planned to go to specifically as a bday party for myself) and don't remember 3 of the 4 weeks my friend visited as a bday gift basically.

there was no warning or preventing getting sick. I wasn't around anyone sick. I hadn't left my house besides to go to work, where I work alone, for at least a month. it hit suddenly without warning. I actually at first thought it was just my allergy to super glue I was using the night before. it's like a telephoned back to 4 or 5 year old me being so sick I slept through my last ever childhood bday party. I never had another one after that except that one where no one showed up. the universe has truly cursed my birthday. i'm not allowed to celebrate it, apparently.

[yearningandpatheticaboutit]

SPEAK FOR YOURSELF

CHAPTER 10: YOU SHOULD BE SCARED OF ME

warnings: suicide mention, drugs mention, sa menton

word count: 7111

previous chapter

***

San

when i wake up from my suffocating nap, yaera is tugging on my arm for us to get off the bus. i jump in my skin, looking out into the kind of neighbourhood i only pictured in movies.

my family was never really wealthy, but i know we always tried to do nice things. the houses and the clean streets and palm trees, everything around me just reeks of tax evasion.

"its not a long walk from here," yaera says, her voice sounding muffled. did she sleep in the bus too?

i cant hide my staring as we walk, feeling completely out of place. yaera's been hanging around my shitty apartment so often i forgot where she actually comes from.

it bothers me. i dont know why. sometimes i cant believe this partnership is real. there'd just be so much i'd overlook if all my needs were taken care of like hers are.

if its one thing im tired of, its surviving. just that. i dont remember the last time i had a good day that wasnt ruined by the impact of my fathers decisions.

we reach a white house that looks like something out of old hollywood. yaera stuns me by walking through the gate like nothing. i look around like a kid at a carnival, lost in the fantasy of how nice it must be to grow up around a functioning neighborhood.

yaera takes her shoes off in the front of her door, giving me some home nostalgia. i didnt realize a lot of people did that. i do the same thing, gazing around her sunlit foyer.

"no ones really home besides the maids so we can go straight to my room," she says, then turns around to look at me. "can i get you some juice? water?"

"do you have coke?" i ask.

"im not allowed to drink gas in this house. dont ask."

"juice is fine then."

she leads me to her room. her house has a lot of clocks. everything so simple and white. i pass by a wall on the way to her room, spotting a few baby pictures.

her room is even more bare than the rest of her house. everything i see...i never expected. nothing about yaera ever told me she has such a simple room.

it looks like something out of one of those modern home magazines. no posters on the walls, no pictures, no stuffed animals, nothing at all that showed her personality. not that i was an expert on that. but still.

"go ahead and make yourself comfy, ill be right back," she says and tosses her bag onto the bed. the weird sound it makes reminds me of the things she stole. she wants to sell them yet shes so careless.

i get up and walk around slowly. her room carpet is soft on my feet, better than the rough wooden floor at my apartment. because nothing in her room tells me anything, i go back to that wall.

im nervous because i dont like walking through the homes of others, but something intangible tells me to do it. theres a bunch of pictures of yaera as a preteen and a kid. she looks like a mess in all of them. her curly hair wild and her clothes hanging off her body like she played a rough game. and next to her is the girl identical to her, wearing the biggest smile.

it feels eerie to look at almost. knowing what happened to her.

the two of them are so tight knit, theyre inseparable in every photo. even though yaera is almost never smiling, she always has a hold on her sisters clothes or arm, while the girl looks so out of place next to her brooding twin.

i feel bad looking at it, feeling like im intruding. i hear footsteps coming up the stairs so i quickly run back and pretend to take my books out. yaera comes in a few seconds after, holding a tray of juice and a bowl of chips.

i shift awkwardly as she sets it down on the bed and sits down, roughly pulling at her school tie. her shirt pops open at the top, and i immediately divert my gaze when i catch a glimpse of her black bra.

dont. dont do this to me today. im begging my body to stay in check so she doesnt realize how starved of human interaction ive been before i met her.

"lets leave the studying for later," she boredly says and starts opening her bag. i frown at her, remembering what mrs evans told me.

in one of earlier periods, she basically begged me to tutor yaera, saying she was on the verge of failing and doing pretty much horribly in all her other subjects because she didnt try. if she didnt do well for the next few months, she wouldnt be able to go to any college.

"i dont think thats a good idea," i say, finally looking her in the eyes. her tie is around her head for some reason. "i was serious about tutoring you. it sounds like you really need help. we should get it done."

yaera rolls her eyes. "so im guessing evans spoke to you?"

"i think most people know you arent doing well in school."

"fuck you, san."

i almost smile because of the bland look she gives me.

"im just telling you the facts. what exactly are you going to do in italy?" i ask her. with the lengths shes going to, i know she has to have a plan.

"my grandmother from my mother's side, shes still alive. im going to stay with her. she owns a bakery and will take me in without saying anything."

"didnt you say you wanted to fall off the grid? away from your parents?"

yaera takes a handful of chips and throws it back into her mouth, exposing her chest yet again. i wince internally. i dont know where to look at this point.

"my mother got disowned by her mom a long time ago, when she left the country with my sister and i," she mutters, her tone quieting at the mention of her sister. "my nonna's family immigrated to italy from south africa years ago, so my mom was born in italy. my sister and i were born there too, so my grandmother was really upset when she left with us. they never talk, so i know im safe with her."

"how old were you when you left italy?"

"eleven," she answers, smiling fondly to herself. shes pretty when shes not plotting or wearing her insufferably sly smirk.

"we still go back and forth a lot. because of my parents business. i stay here for school and go back for vacations and holidays."

it must be nice, i think. im surprised shes handing out information so freely. i guess she does really trust me.

"maybe we can visit each other," she suddenly says, the smirk ive seen too many times hanging on her lips again. "when we're both wild and free in europe."

"you know england and italy arent down the street from each other, right?" i laugh slightly, wondering to myself why she would say that.

"so? you know what they say, in europe everything is walking distance."

i chuckle, i dont know why. shes not funny. its embarrassing how a week ago she was blackmailing me and now im eating chips in her room, listening to her life story.

wooyoung would be fuming if he could see me now.

he'd ask me why i was letting in a girl so notorious, so much of a fiend. someone so shady, who isnt at all afraid of danger. and even if she is, thats not gonna stop her at all.

i wont have an answer for him when he does question me. because i dont know why either. maybe im just letting myself have something for once. even if its not the smartest or sanest thing in the world.

yaera takes out the stuff she stole from her bag, snapping pictures of a shiney watch. "people will buy anything online, its crazy," she tells me slyly. "all i have to do is say free delivery and they come crawling like rats to a pizza slice."

so this is what shes been doing for money. "how much does it make you?" i question.

"a lot. i recommend it. even if there isnt a fixed amount, theres no way youre going home with coins."

she leans in to me suddenly, her bra poking open as a gold cross necklace hangs from her neck. i gulp hard. what is she doing?

"and i was thinking...if you cant get rid of all the rosies on time...maybe you can just give Miss A the money?" she continues on as if she doesnt realize how hot she is. or maybe she does, maybe shes doing it on purpose.

it takes me a few seconds to digest what she says.

"what?"

"we can dump it, or sell it ourselves for an even higher price," she says excitedly. "we pay off your amount and then just make double it. you know?"

i dont like the sound of it. im not good with finances, which is exactly why i do the rough stuff. its why im known for being the muscle. i still dont know why miss A gave me this shitty job, knowing i had no expertise. maybe she wants to get rid of me.

"lets play it safe for now," i say, stuttering slightly. im taking a lot of risks so this is going to have to wait. especially because i have enough to hide from miss A.

yaeras proximity is so close to me i cant ignore it anymore. her skirt is hiking up as she sits, her long knee highs distracting as fuck. im biting hard on my lip, the strain tugging in unmentionable places. i cant do this anymore.

"your top is a little...wide," i say suddenly.

"huh?" she looks down and realizes. i expect her to go as red as i feel, but all she does is grip her shirt closed and smile crookedly.

"my bad. i didnt mean to give you a show," she jokes. "wanna stand in the hall for a second? i'll put on something else." 

i can never tell if shes being serious when she flirts with me. it feels like everything is a joke or a lie. no ones ever acted the way she does towards me before. i dont know how to deal with it.

i get up and leave, hardly making eye contact. my skin is prickly and hot. i cant be getting affected like this. im such a loser.

my imagination tries causing my downfall while her door is closed. the clocks in her house are ticking and im trying to focus on them instead of picturing her getting undressed. fuck, what is wrong with me.

i reach for my phone, hoping to get distracted. but when i reach for my pockets it isnt on me. i go back into yaera's room, without thinking at all and  her back is faced toward me.

luckily it isnt her bare back. she has a pink tank top on. i lose my sense for a few seconds when she turns around, her top still dangerously low, and my phone right in her hand.

its open.

i fight my glare, i probably just left it open by mistake; but shes looking at me like she wants to kill me. her jaw is clenched, her dark eyes narrowed at me like i kicked a puppy.

"why do you have my phone?" i ask her cautiously.

"why do you have this picture on your phone?" she says back, cold as ice.

my mind goes blank. "what?"

she smiles but its nothing sweet. "yeosang emailed you. he wants to meet you for drugs. now tell me why he sent you this picture?"

oh. the picture of her with that older guy. the colour feels like its leaving my body. oh fuck.

"i-i can explain–"

"i noticed you got it a day after we met. were you trying to get leverage on me?"

im embarrassed. i dont know what to say. but my brain tells me to just be honest. theres no way they can look any worse.

"yeah, i was," i admit. she scoffs and rolls her eyes. "i wanted something on you the way you had something on me. but i dont plan on using that. ever."

"thats supposed to make me feel better?" she questions angrily.

"well, you still have that video of me dealing drugs. do you think that makes me feel better?"

she clamps her mouth shut and bites her lip in frustration, tossing my phone to the bed. i want to approach her but i feel like shes about to kick me out of her house.

she cant be mad. i know its fucked up but i was just getting even. i hope this doesnt ruin everything we tried establishing a day ago. that would be so exhausting.

she drops onto her bed, pushing her hair back as she glares onto the ground. "fuck that asshole, yeosang. that picture is useless anyway."

i frown and finally get the courage to move to sit next to her. "what do you mean?" i ask.

she scoffs again, a forced smile on her face. "because that isnt me. its my sister."

my blood pauses in my veins as i look at her. yaera sighs, the look on her face distant and pained. what?

"but yeosang–"

"is a fucking idiot," she finishes off coldly. "he leaked that picture of her days after she went missing. everyone thought she ran away and was rebelling so brands started dropping her. my parents threatened to sue and he swore to delete it. my parents made me step up and announce that i was the one in the picture so that yasmines name would stop getting slandered. so they called me a whore instead."

she chuckles darkly. "i guess it was easier to believe i was the whore and not her. they werent expecting her to be a bag of bones at the bottom of a canyon."

what the fuck. i bend my elbows on my knees and rub my face because i dont know what to say. yeosang is such a fucking asshole.

"i'll delete the pic," i say heavily. "i didnt know. yeosang said it was you."

"most people believe it is. to this day. but nah, thats my innocent sister in the arms of some guy."

"what the fuck is that angle?" i ask her in disbelief. "it doesnt look like she knows she was being watched."

"i dont think she did," yaera admits frighteningly calm. she reaches for something in her bag, and pulls out the camera she stole.

"i think my sister was being stalked. and i think that person is stalking me too."

"what?" i raise my voice. shes dead serious.

yaera holds the camera towards me, showing me a folder. when i look at the pictures inside, my face goes icy. hundreds of pictures of her at school, smoking, sitting around, completely unaware that a camera is on her. then as i scroll further down, i see the exact same picture yeosang sent me.

the original.

"what the fuck?" i whisper and shake my head. "we have to take this to your parents. or the police. what if this is the same person who killed your sister?"

yaera nearly drops the camera and i swear she looks like all the colour has drained from her face. she feels her head and shivers. "i-i think im going to be sick."

"i'll go get a cold rag. hold on."

i get up but she pulls me back by my shirt, shaking her head. "no please. just stay here," she almost begs.

we have to do something about this. this means the stalker is a student, or even worse, a teacher.

it cant be the guy in the picture, hes older and hes being watched too. it has to be a student, and it has to be someone part of the soccer team.

"did yeosang ever say where he got this picture?" i ask her.

she gulps and shakes her head. "no he said it was sent to him. and because he knows everyone, he was told to leak it. so he did. he thought it was from her or someone else saying that shes safe and alive. but...then..."

she takes a deep breath, and it sounds like theyre getting smaller. her chest is rising and falling harder than usual, a slight whistle in her breathing. i reach for her bag and rummage through it, finding her asthma pump.

"take this," i tell her and hand it to her. she takes two puffs, her breathing harsher than before. shes almost shaking.

"ill go with you," i tell her firmly. "to the police, or to your parents. we can show them this. you might be in danger."

"they wont do anything," she says defeatedly. "the police buried the case and i would just be bringing up old wounds to my parents. so much has happened...they wouldnt believe me."

"but we have evidence right here!" i groan, unable to believe what im hearing. "youre just going to accept this?"

"what do you want me to do?" she snaps her head at me. "do you want us to find this guy? then what?"

i clench my jaw thinking of it. hes probably some sick fuck getting off to pictures of yaera and a dead girl. how fucked up do you have to be to still hold onto this?

"we kill him."

"what?" she looks at me horrified. "what the fuck are you talking about?"

"okay fine, we dont kill him. but lets fuck him up, or get him in trouble. because this is messed up. i can find out who this belongs to. just give me your word and i will."

yaera nods with difficulty, looking like shes choking down sobs. this day has taken a completely different turn, we havent even gotten to studying yet.

my phone rings and buzzes again. i look at it. its the thirtieth call yeosang has given me. i pick up in annoyance and nearly growl into the phone. "what the fuck do you want?"

"fucking finally!" he screams, making me pull the phone away from my ear. "you asshole! ive been tryna reach you all day? you finally out of marino's ass? can i fucking talk to you?"

"what do you need?" i grit out because unfortunately i need this fucker and his money.

"i need you to give me like four bags before saturday. ill pay you today, okay? this shit is addictive im literally shaking and if you dont deliver im gonna fucking beat your ass, okay? im thirsty!" yeosang demands, his voice unhinged and feral.

"when do you need it?"

"did you not hear me? today asshole! drop it at the rockstar cafe near school. one of my girlfriends work there. give it to her."

"fine. ill send wooyoung to drop it."

"fucking thank you. god, was that so hard?–"

i hang up on him and turn my attention back on yaera. shes looking at me with a closed off glint in her soft brown eyes, her lips slightly pouted. i stare at them a little too long, against my will.

"how do you know yeosang?" she asks me suddenly. "or more, how did you start selling drugs to him?"

i cant for the life of me find out why she wants to know that. i did tell her i would let her know anything she wants, so i guess i should be fair.

"he knew one of yunho's guys," i say. "he used to sell him drugs when he went clubbing. long story short, the guy died and yunho asked me to start supplying yeosang instead. he was surprised when he found out we were at the same school."

"and he kept quiet?" she asks in genuine disbelief. "yeosang? the guy who tells everyone with whom and where he has sex? the guy who cant keep a secret for shit? that guy?"

"yunho warned me about him. i have a little leverage on him to make sure he doesnt squeal."

her eyes suddenly light up with that dark, mischevious flare she uses when she wants something. "what kind of leverage?"

"before i tell you, whats your relationship with yeosang?"

"he tried to fuck me," she says crudely, making my mouth nearly drop open. "and he knew my sister. he tried to fuck us both actually. and when i didnt let him he went around spreading rumors about me. he still does it to this day."

okay so she has it out for him. and rightfully so. everytime i hear about yeosang hes out disappointing his parents.

"his scandal is kinda fitting then," i chuckle humorlessly. "he had sex with this girl at one of yunhos clubs. he drugged her drink. yunho has it all on camera."

yaeras face morphs into disgust. "thats not fucking sex thats...he literally...oh my god."

"i know," i sigh. "hes a real piece of shit. yunho had his hands on that. and now it belongs to the gang. he knows if he speaks, his life is over."

"how the fuck did yunho record it?"

"he used to record everything in his club. hes was one sick fuck. there were cameras in every corner of that club. every single one. its how the police busted him. luckily for yeosang, his video already made it out of there beforehand."

yaera shakes her head and grips her hair. "this shit is fucking crazy."

thats my life. shes horrifed. i can feel it. but she wanted this. she wanted to be a part of it. luckily it wont be her forever. i dont know when it will end for me.

***

i tried my best to tutor yaera after the revelation of all the upsetting news. she struggled to pay attention, i could tell. her answers were all delayed and she kept zoning out on the diagrams.

at some point i accept we wont get any work done today. i look outside and see its getting late. yeosang is ringing my phone again, as well as wooyoung. i realize i have stops to make.

i close my textbook which happens to be open on the diagram of the heart. yaera blinks slowly, then sits up when she realizes we're done.

"oh. sorry," she mutters. "i wasnt really a good student today, huh?"

i shrug, its not a big deal right now. "we can try again tomorrow. you have a lot on your plate."

"thank you." she says in the smallest voice. its humble coming from her.

i open my bag and shove my books in and she helps me pack. eventually she hands me the camera.

"you take it," her voice is tired and flat. "do whatever you need to with it. i dont want in the house, im going to stare at the pictures all night and its gonna make me sick."

"ill take it away tonight," i tell her. "you remember the mongols? those guys you met when you followed me the first time?"

"yeah?"

"theyre my dads old gang. they do favours for me sometimes because they feel bad for ruining my life. i can get in touch with mao's niece. shes a hacker. i'll take the camera to her and see what she can do."

"thanks. i'd go with you but my parents are gonna be home anytime soon," she sighs. "be careful."

i swing my bag onto my shoulder and we walk out of her house. we schedule to study sometime on the weekend again, right before yeosang's party.

when we get outside the sky is almost pitch black, except for a faint line of blue over the roofs of the mansions. its going to be a nightmare to get transport this time around. i decide to call an uber.

"i wanted to ask you," yaera says as we wait in silence on the pavement. "theres this thing coming up with my family. like...an event for that photoshoot i did. and i need a date."

i raise an eyebrow. is she seriously asking me to go to a fancy event with her family? me? the poster boy for poverty?

"dont look at me like that," she punches my arm lightly, scowling. "im not into you or anything. i want you to meet the models im dealing to. theyre going to be there."

i narrow my eyes at her. "you want to deal at your parents party?"

"no, san. i wanna see you in a suit and drool over how hot you look."

my mouth hangs open at how completely serious she sounds while saying it. i nervously look away and wipe my face with a sigh, irritated by how easily she affects me. she bursts out laughing and my embarrassment worsens.

"you keep asking me dumb questions. obviously! and dont worry about the suit, ill get you one myself."

i dont meet her gaze even though i can feel her staring at me. "so you didnt mean what you said before that?"

she comes to stand right infront of me, that devious smirk on her lips once again. goddamn it. i fail to look away, not wanting to be intimdated except i am.

"about wanting to drool over you?" she asks lowly, her smirk dripping with smugness. "you want me to mean that, choi san?"

my body is abnormally fucking hot. i hear a horn beep a few feet away and see a black toyota waiting. thank god. i clear my throat awkwardly and tighten my hand on the strap of my backpack.

"i gotta go. i'll text you." i say and scurry away as fast as i can.

yaera waves slowly to me when i get into the car and look at her through the window. i need to keep myself in check, no matter how difficult she makes it.

on the way home i get texts from wooyoung complaining about yeosang and about me taking my sweet time at yaera's house. hes convinced we're having unprotected sex everytime hes not in the room.

my face warms again as an image appears and quickly vanishes from my mind. that wouldnt be the worst thing in the world, right?

no. what the fuck san. get it together. what the hell did you just think.

it was the grief and trauma from seeing yunho get sliced up. im convinced. no way would i be having these disorderly thoughts unprovoked.

the uber drops me off infront of a tattoo parlour, aespa. mao's niece is a tattoo artist here. ive only visited a few times, mostly doing errands.

its evening so the place is shut down, but i know shes here. i slam my hand onto the door and peer through the glass waiting for her to show up. it takes me a few aggressive policeman knocks before she eventually comes strutting out through the dark shop, scowling at me.

she unlocks the door and glares at me. "what the hell? do you pay to knock down my door like this?" she snaps.

"hey, ningning, right?" i say. "im san. you know me right?"

she squints her eyes at me and then clicks her fingers. "ah...that guys kid. i dunno his name. tekken?"

"yeah. can i come in?" i sigh. 

she opens the door and flicks the lights on, allowing me to pass through. her hair is bright red and she has two full sleeves on both her arms. last time i visited she only had a few tattoos.

"im guessing youre not here for a tattoo appointment?" she says and goes to sit on a spinning chair. it accidently slides across the floor and she tumbles out of it. she gets up and smiles awkwardly.

i take off my bag and pull out the camera. "i need a favour. can you help me find out who this belongs to? its urgent."

"mmmmm did you steal it?"

"not important. i just need a name or an address."

she crosses her arms and nods. "that'll be easy. depending on how long this takes me, ill give you a price after."

i scowl. "please dont be unreasonable."

ningning gives me a nasty look. "hey, my uncle owes you favours, kid. not me, i didnt ruin your life. this is not a charity."

i sigh and nod, giving her the camera. i follow her to a backroom that ends up leading to a basement under her shop. she unlocks nearly four doors to get to her station, and i see massive monitors and a sick computer set up that i know costs more than my apartment.

she lets out a sigh and jumps into her chair, taking out the camera. im curious because i didnt even know cameras could be traced back. the police do it, right?

"so how do you do this?" i ask when she starts typing abnormally fast.

she chuckles, and my eyes widen when a bunch of alien code appears on the screens. "come on, even if i explained to you, do you really think your dumbass would get it?"

i scowl. damn it shes right.

"you couldve just said no," i mutter pathetically under my breath.

"serial numbers kid. serial numbers. theyre a godsent gift. also photos. does this camera have any photos?"

"yeah, a ton." my anger returns just thinking about the creep and his 'hobby'.

ningning pulls up the pictures from the camera and puts them onto the monitors. i bite my lip awkwardly when she turns and side eyes me.

"are you stalking someone?" she asks me dead seriously.

"no," i scoff. "im trying to find the stalker. and even if i was, you'd have no grounds to judge me with what you do."

"i may steal and sell peoples information but at least im not a weirdo," she rebuts and sticks out her tongue. seconds later she pulls out a piece of paper and starts writing shit down.

"theres an account attached to the camera. heres a name and address." she hands the paper to me. i frown looking at the name.

"Apple?" i scowl. this feels like a prank. and severely underwhelming. but at least ive got an address. im going to break this fuckers legs.

ningning smiles, sighing as if bored. "too easy. i was actually hoping this would be a challenge. that'll be 50."

i groan in the back of my throat, feeling like im giving out more money than im bringing in. yaera better pay me back for this. i dig into my wallet and give her my paper and it turns out its my last. broke.

ningning sends me a wink as i make my way out. "good luck, Lucky. or whatever they call you nowadays."

wooyoung picks me up a few minutes after, a new license plate on his van. hes honks obnoxiously for me to get in, nearly waking up the entire neighbourhood.

"never send me to plug that yeosang fucker ever again!" he immediately whines when i slide in passenger. "i cant stand that guy. how does he have that many girlfriends and i dont?"

"youre not a rich sexy creep i guess," i tell him and then sigh. "woo, we need to kill someone."

"what?!" wooyoung screams like the human loadspeaker he is. "who? the blackmailer?"

"no!" i snap and glare at him. i pull out the address and show him. "this is the address of the fucker thats been stalking her. including her dead twin sister."

wooyoungs jaw nearly drops. "woah. yeah thats fucked. when and where?"

i look out the window, thinking back to how she said she didnt want me to hurt anyone. i would probably piss her off and scare her. who knows what would happen. she doesnt want me to do things behind her back.

"let me tell her first. but tomorrow after school, we're paying this person a visit."

***

Yaera

it feels like everyday i wake up i feel more and more like trash. the nights feel long. the day feels too early. i know whats coming. its getting bad again.

ive been called depressed by my therapists and teachers. then it quickly became an excuse. an excuse to them i constantly use to be bad at school and everything else. all i know is everytime i think my happiness will last it doesnt.

when i dont feel my emotions, i dont remember them. they become foreign to me, like nothing. but recently ive been feeling a lot. san has made me feel a range of emotions.

sadness, fear, anger. excitement. fucking arousal. he makes me feel the way a cigarette does. which is crazy. i never thought i'd feel anything for anyone like that ever again. not since jongho.

i sit with silent admiration as he approaches me in the parking lot the next day. of course he has his resting bitch face on, but its one of the things i look forward to these days.

my hands are shaking inside my blazer pockets as i lean against the wall, my nicotine addiction not fulfilled for the day because i spent money on hairdye and forgot.

sans eyes shift to my now black hair and an awkward smile (i think its a smile?) sits on his face. "hey. did you get my texts?"

"my phone died," i say. i actually passed out after doing my hair last night, completely exhausted and terrified by the information that hit me. all that and i forgot to charge and bring my phone the next day.

"oh. i guess i have to say this in person then," san frowns. "i got an address and name for you. of the stalker."

my blood feels like cold sludge in my veins and i immediately feel more lightheaded. my stomach churns. "oh," i try to keep a straight face. "thank you."

he sighs and takes out a piece of paper. "before i show this to you. i want you to know wooyoung and i are planning to go to this address after school. you can come with us to confront the bastard. are you okay with that?"

my mouth is dry and i dont even know what to say. i didnt think he would actually find the creep. i dont even know if i can face him.

i nod with difficulty and san gives me the paper. my stomach immediately plunges like a fucking roller coaster.

no fucking way.

"i couldnt get his actual name. this is all thats available on his account." san sounds disappointed. his face drops further when i meet his eyes.

"are you okay? do you know this person?" he asks, hands hesitantly reaching out as if hes afraid im going to fall over.

i just cant believe it. after years and years i didnt ever think this could happen. but it makes sense, doesnt it? everythings starting to make sense.

"this is jongho's nickname," i utter lifelessly. "and this is his address."

"what?" san raises his voice. his eyes turn into planets. "the annoying prefect?? the one that hates you??"

i nod and almost start laughing. i almost start crying too. jongho is my stalker. he was my sisters stalker. i guess i shouldnt be surprised, he was literally in love with her. but me?

why me?

i cant fucking breathe.

it all gets worse. i reach for my asthma pump and it falls out of my blazer and plonks onto the cement. san picks it up and wipes it off, placing it in between my lips.

he pumps it for me, and i would almost consider this romantic if not for the fucked up circumstances we're always in.

"do you want me to hurt him?" san asks me seriously. "because i will."

i shake my head and scoff. "and face a lawsuit? you have nothing and jongho has everything."

san has a terrifying look on his face. "it doesnt have to be me. you know i know people that would make him pay for this."

i dont want him to pay. not yet. i just want him to be honest. i want this to fucking make sense.

"i knew he was fucked up but wow," i laugh to myself, making san more concerned. "imagine he did actually love me all this time? imagine he loved us both?"

"yaera." san sternly says. "process this and lets talk later. we have class. dont say anything to him or breathe near him. he could be dangerous. he couldve harmed..."

the sick feeling sweeps through me and i find it hard to digest. i gag and nearly throw up, but luckily nothing comes up. thinking of jongho, the asshole i cant stand but also one of my first loves throwing my sister off a canyon after strangling her is making me want to off myself harder than i thought.

and the image never leaves me.

even when we get to class, i find myself

lost in my own head thinking about it. i cant enjoy history for the life of me because im thinking of the past. im thinking of my parents that trusted him. yasmine trusted him too. so much. she thought he was fine with just being her friend.

no, im lying. she knew choi jongho wasnt fine with being just friends. i know she teased him with a relationship that would never happen. i know she kissed him a few times, maybe did something more. i know she led him on for years and he never really gave up because he thought they were perfect together. she could be cruel about it, the way she kept him on a leash.

now shes fucking dead.

"choi san!" someone screams, tearing me out of my thoughts as the classroom door roughly swings open. everyone stands up as our headmaster appears in the doorway, with...jongho behind him.

my breath hits a wall when i look at him, and hes glaring straight at san. the soccer coach is standing in the doorway as well.

san stands up awkwardly, confusion lined in his features. "yes sir?"

"it has come to our attention that items have gone missing from the boys lockerroom yesterday afternoon. choi jongho stated that you were the only one he saw hanging around that area at the time. can you confirm?" our headmaster asks, making the entire class fall into hushed whispers.

no fucking way. san is going red out of panic.

"i-i mean i was there. but i didnt steal anything. h-how or why would i?" san asks.

"you're a scholarship student," jongho spits at him like hes filth. "its not farfetched for you people to get carried away at a school like this. youre already here for free."

"excuss me?" mr grüne, my history teacher interrupts with a glare. "choi san is a good student he would never do such a thing. you can ask anyone of his teachers."

jongho lets out a spiteful laugh. "an expensive camera and watch have gone missing, i dont care about his reputation i care about my team. and choi san is the only person i saw at the lockerrooms yesterday!"

"i didnt steal anything," san defends, clenching his jaw as he grips his desk.

"then surely you will not mind us searching your locker?" the soccer coach says. san's face drops.

i hold my breath. i hold it because i know san has the camera hidden in his locker. we were supposed to confront jongho after school.

"i-"

"you cant search his locker," i say, scoffing and bringing the attention on me. "thats an invasion of privacy."

"its school property," headmaster corrects me. san is looking at me like hes internally begging me to stop. but i wont because i need to save him from himself.

"if you think he stole your shit, call the police," i say. jongho clenches his jaw at me.

thats right. you wont call the police because once they find your camera youre fucked.

"this doesnt concern you, ms marino," headmaster tells me sternly. "choi san im going to need you to come with us to give your locker combination please."

oh fuck. oh no oh fuck.

san slowly leaves the classroom and i can see jongho smirking evilly to himself. no way i cant let san go down like this. they'll destroy him. he doesnt know how to verbally defend himself.

"sir i need to be excused," i say and immediately bolt after them. i pull jongho to the side, making him glare and rip his arm from me. i grab him again, digging my nails into his skin.

"what the fuck are you doing? let go." he hisses at me.

"call the search off," i grit through my teeth. "call the fucking search off right now."

jongho chuckles. "and why would i do that?"

"because if you dont i'll take your camera to the police and let them know youve been stalking me and my dead sister," i say. his face crumbles.

in seconds jongho's smug grin shatters into utter disbelief. hes taking too long. san is going to get caught.

"go fucking call it off!" i snap. "tell headmaster your parents found it, say something or else im letting everyone know what a fucked up creep you really are."

jongho runs and nearly trips over his feet as he chases after our headmaster. my skin is pricky because im scared he wont get there in time. im scared san will go down for this. for MY doings.

i let out a sigh of relief when all four of them come walking back and san isnt in handcuffs. but jongho is giving me a terrified look. good, he should be fucking scared.

"i want to apologize to everyone here for interrupting your lesson and also choi san for the inconvenience," our headmaster says. "it was simply a misunderstanding."

mr grüne looks like he already knew san was innocent and san shrugs it off like nothing. he looks at me wondering how i did it. i mouth to him that we'll talk later. jongho drops something on my desk before he leaves, a note.

meet me on the soccerfield after break. i'll explain everything.

A/N: AYEEE NINGNING CAMEO ANYONE? AESPA X ATEEZ CRUMBS?

next chapter

[nicknellie]

Anonymous requested: “tricked into 7 minutes in heaven at a party” AU with willex, where theyre close friends and apart of the same friend group, and their friends know they both like each other and are tired of watching them dance around each other so they devise a plan to have a party and play seven minutes in heaven, and get them to be alone together in a closet or room or something. so a sort of getting together/modern AU with some kissing cause the boys deserve it?

I had to Google what 7 Minutes In Heaven is. Anyway!! I love this prompt so much, it’s so so sweet. We love some getting together fluff. Thank you so much for suggesting it!

Title from Alone by Heart.

The Secret Is Still My Own

Alex could have kicked himself for not realising what this was much earlier. It was probably Luke’s idea. Maybe Julie’s – she could be sneaky when she wanted to be. It didn’t really matter who had devised the plan, all that Alex was worried about now was the fact that he was about to spend seven minutes locked in a small room with Willie and the likelihood was that it was going to be utterly dreadful.

A few months ago when Alex and Willie had first met, it wouldn’t have been so awful. Their friendship had been fresh and exciting and there had been an easy banter flowing between the two of them that made Alex feel light and giddy. He had been glad to spend time with Willie then, looking for every excuse to hang out with him because who wouldn’t? Willie was funny, kind, intelligent, and everything good in the world. Alex would have been mad to not want to spend time with him. It didn’t take long for Alex to realise he was falling for Willie, quickly and with no signs of stopping.

And he made the grave mistake of telling that to Luke.

“Dude,” Luke had said, grabbing Alex’s shoulders. “You gotta ask him out!”

“What? No!” Alex had protested. He tried to wriggle free but Luke’s grip was like iron and he gave up after a moment or two. “I don’t want to. I like being friends with him.”

“Yeah, but imagine if you were more than friends,” Luke pressed, grinning wildly. “It’s not like he’d say no – he’s head over heels for you, man.”

“He is?”

“I think so.”

“That’s not proof,” Alex deadpanned. “You also thought that if you ate watermelon seeds one would grow inside you. Then you cried when Reggie ate them.”

“That was ages ago!” Luke whined.

“It was last week, but alright.”

“Alright, fine, I’m a bad example,” Luke admitted. “But what if I told you that Julie thinks Willie likes you?”

Alex considered it for a moment. Julie was definitely more reliable than Luke, and where Luke was almost definitely guessing about whether or not Willie had feelings for Alex, Julie had probably spoken to Willie herself to find out. So he shrugged and gave Luke a short nod.

“Does she think so?” he asked, trying to keep the hope out of his voice.

“Dude,” Luke scoffed. “She was the one to point it out to me. You and Willie are made for each other, bro! Ask him out or I’ll have to do it for you.”

Alex hadn’t asked Willie out. It hadn’t been because he didn’t want to or because he didn’t think Luke and Julie were right – it was because he simply didn’t know how. How was he supposed to go up to Willie, a literal angel, and ask him on a date without spontaneously combusting? He didn’t want to make a fool of himself, not in front of Willie.

He had thought that Luke was joking about getting Alex and Willie together himself. That had, of course, been an incredibly naïve thing to believe. When Luke said he’d do something, he meant it – Alex should have learnt that from the time Luke had said he would lick an electric fence and then followed through immediately and without hesitation. So really he shouldn’t have been surprised when Luke made it his mission to get Alex and Willie together.

The first time it had happened was when Alex and Willie were hanging out alone in the studio. They had been talking, just catching up with each other, and it had been nice. Willie had been halfway through a story about one of the kids at the nursery he worked part-time at when all of a sudden the lights in the studio had dimmed and slow, romantic music had begun drifting from the stereo in the corner.

Willie had looked utterly bemused, a quiet half-smile gracing his features. “What’s all this?”

“I don’t know,” Alex told him, standing up and flicking the lights back on, then going to the stereo and turning the music down all the way. “Sorry about that. It’s never happened before.”

“You mean you didn’t set it up?” Willie asked.

“No,” Alex replied, looking around the studio. Unsurprisingly, he had spotted Luke in the attic, hidden amongst the beanbags, the stereo’s remote in his hands. He didn’t even have the good grace to look guilty, instead giving Alex a cheery wave.

“Oh,” Willie had said. His tone made Alex turn to face him – there was something in it he couldn’t quite put a name to. “Okay. Anyway, so, as I was saying…”

Luke’s plans had not improved from then on. He had pulled the classic “invite both of them to hang out but don’t show up so they’re just spending time together one-on-one”, he had dedicated an entire setlist to Willie at their most recent gig and told the entire crowd that it had been Alex’s idea, and every time Alex and Willie had a conversation he would find a way to muscle in and very unsubtly suggest they go on a date.

It was making Alex’s life a misery.

Because now every time he saw Willie felt painstakingly awkward. The both of them were just waiting for Luke to show up and do whatever he’d planned, after which they’d be steeped in brittle, tense silence until one of them found an excuse to back out of the situation. The ease and light-heartedness their friendship had once been built on was pretty much shot to pieces. Alex knew that Luke meant well, but he was almost certain that he had ruined everything.

It didn’t help that Luke had got Julie, Reggie, and Flynn in on it too, though they were much less heavy-handed than he was when it came to getting them together. Reggie’s main tactic was ask if they’d been on a date yet every time he saw them but leave it alone once they said no, while Julie and Flynn tended to talk to Alex away from Willie and try and convince him that they were, in Flynn’s words, a match made in heaven.

“He totally wants you to ask him out,” Flynn gushed on one of these occasions. “Did you see the way he was looking at you earlier? He’s in love.”

“Things are awkward enough between us as it is,” Alex had explained. “I’m not going to make it worse by asking him out.”

“Well, maybe you don’t need to ask him on a date,” Julie suggested, ever the voice of reason. Alex inwardly thanked her – at least somebody was on his side. “But I do think you need to at least talk about what’s going on between you.”

He revoked his inward thank-you.

“We don’t need to talk,” Alex insisted. “If we just leave it alone then the problem will eventually go away.”

“That’s always your solution,” Julie said.

“And it never works,” Flynn added.

“If you just face your feelings head-on and actually try communicating with him you might get somewhere,” Julie said. Alex looked at her and knew she was telling the truth – her eyes were wide and kind, her mouth set into a gentle smile, and she looked as if she wanted nothing more than to help Alex. “You’ve been dancing around each other for so long, all you need to do is figure out where you both are. Trust me.”

He had shrugged inelegantly and let Flynn change the direction of the conversation, grateful to be talking about something else.

But he hadn’t taken Julie’s advice. Talking to Willie was difficult. Their banter was all but gone and their conversations lasted no more than a few minutes at most. It was a lot easier when they were with all their friends, in a big group where they could talk to others, which had been exactly the reason that Alex wasn’t worried about the impromptu party Julie had invited everyone to that night.

And look where it had got him.

It had been Luke who suggested it during a lull in conversation.

“Why don’t we play Seven Minutes in Heaven?”

The suggestion had been met with excited ‘ooooh’s from most of the group sat around the studio, all except Alex. The last time he’d played Seven Minutes in Heaven had been in middle school – he had been locked in a closet with a girl in his class, she had kissed him incredibly awkwardly, he had blurted “I’m too gay for this” and fallen ungracefully out of the closet with six minutes still left on the clock. While that had been years and years ago, the memory still burned with embarrassment.

“Count me out,” he said. “That game is cursed.”

“I think you’re thinking of Bloody Mary in the Mirror,” Reggie supplied. “That game is cursed. This one’s just a bit of fun.”

“Absolutely not,” Alex said, shaking his head. “You guys can play, I’m staying out of it.”

“Oh, come on, Alex,” whined Luke, “everyone has to play! Otherwise it’s no fun.”

“You might not even get picked,” Julie said helpfully.

“But also you might,” Luke added.

Alex looked around the room at his friends – Reggie was smiling encouragingly, Luke looked put-out that Alex had even thought about refusing, Julie and Flynn were looking at him with hope and excitement in their eyes that he really didn’t want to crush, and Willie… Willie was avoiding eye contact altogether.

He didn’t know what it was that did it, but finally he relented. “I’ll play.”

Luke punched the air triumphantly and began entering everyone’s names into a generator he’d brought up on his phone. Alex watched with bated breath as the little wheel spun, slowing down until it landed on a name. The screen lit up with an over-the-top fireworks animation and the name ‘WILLIE’ in garish bubble writing.

Alex didn’t look at Willie, but he did feel his own insides squirm. What if he was picked next? He wasn’t sure he could last seven minutes alone with Willie. What was he supposed to talk about? What was he supposed to do? How was he meant to act like it wasn’t the most awkward thing he’d ever done especially after everything that had happened in the past few months?

Luke set the spinner off again and Alex watched nervously as it ticked through all the names. The firework animation lit up the screen again and when it was cleared the name ‘ALEX’ was left behind, glowing in all its bubble writing glory.

He tried not to sigh in defeat and he stayed put, no matter how much he wanted to leg it from the room and never come back.

“Alright then!” Julie said, clapping her hands and beaming. “Alex and Willie! You guys feeling up for this?”

Alex didn’t have an answer, but it appeared that Willie did. He stood up and offered a hand to pull Alex to his feet too, smiling gently.

“I’m ready,” he said, though Alex didn’t miss the waver in his voice. “How about you, hotdog?”

He could feel his friends’ eyes boring into him like lasers, but kept his own eyes trained on Willie, searching his expression with no idea what he was actually searching for. Eventually though, he gave a resolute nod and said, “Yeah. Yeah, I’m ready. Let’s do this.”

“You can go into the bathroom,” Julie said, pointing towards the little room at the back of the studio. “You’ll have to lock the door yourselves.”

Alex nodded and mutely followed Willie into the bathroom. He shut and locked the door behind them, then flicked the light-switch on. Immediately, Willie flicked it back off.

“Why can’t we have the lights on?” he asked. “I can’t see you.”

“Those are the rules, hotdog,” Willie returned. His voice sounded like it was coming from the opposite side of the room, but Alex couldn’t be sure. After all, he couldn’t see anything.

He could feel his heart hammering in his chest and sweat starting to bead on his forehead as he slid himself down the wall to sit on the floor. He had no reason to feel so nervous right then; he’d been alone with Willie a thousand times, this didn’t have to be any different just because it was in a small dark room and they had a time limit ticking over their heads. Admittedly, he hadn’t been alone with Willie all that often recently, but he shouldn’t have been too out of practise.

“So,” he ventured, rubbing his hands along his legs, hoping the repetitive movements would dull his nerves. “What do you want to talk about?”

Willie was silent for a moment and Alex was sure that he’d somehow already put a foot wrong. Briefly, he considered unlocking the door and trying to leave very quietly so that Willie wouldn’t notice, but he realised quickly that plan wouldn’t work because he would never get past his friends in the studio. All he could do was stick it out for six and a half more minutes.

But mercifully, Willie finally spoke.

“Things have been weird recently, huh, hotdog?”

It teased a laugh from Alex, if only a small one. Because yes. Yes, things had been incredibly weird and he hated it.

“Yeah,” he agreed, “it’s been weird. I’m sorry about Luke and the others.”

“You don’t need to apologise,” Willie said. Alex could hear the smile in his voice and found himself relaxing. “It doesn’t really bother me. But… I mean, it seemed like it was bothering you. I’ve been trying to give you a little space but I don’t know if that’s what you want.”

“No,” Alex said, far too quickly. He tried to rein himself in a little, not wanting things to descend back into that dangerous awkward territory. “No, I don’t want you to give me space. I really like hanging out with you, Willie. I don’t want to stop that. I just wish they’d stop teasing.”

There was another pause, smaller this time, barely perceptible.

“Why?” Willie asked quietly.

“Because,” Alex began, but he quickly found himself lost for words.

How was he supposed to explain it to Willie when he found it hard to explain it to himself? He didn’t like their teasing because he was scared. He didn’t like their teasing because he didn’t want to make Willie uncomfortable. He didn’t like their teasing because this thing, whatever it was, between him and Willie was theirs and only theirs and he wanted to keep it between that way. Because he wanted to make these decisions on his terms, not when his friends decided he should.

“Because?” Willie prompted.

Alex swallowed his pride and his nerves and made himself speak.

“Because I really like you, Willie. And when our friends try and find ways to get us together it just feels awful because I want to do it myself. I don’t want them to intervene or mess this up. I want to do it my way. They keep saying that you like me too – is that true?”

Silence again. Alex could hardly stand it.

“Yeah,” Willie said finally. With that single word Alex felt like he could breathe more easily than ever before. “I do. Like you, I mean. And I get it. I’m sorry this whole thing has been such a mess.”

Alex huffed a laugh. “Blame Luke.”

“Oh, I will,” Willie replied through a chuckle.

Alex heard him shuffle across the bathroom floor and felt their sides press together as Willie came to sit next to him. Without thinking he laid his head down on Willie’s shoulder, then felt Willie rest his head on his in return.

“So,” Alex said again. “What does this mean for us?”

“What do you want it to mean?” Willie asked teasingly, the smile on his face evident in his voice.

“Are we dating?” he asked. He could feel his own smile tugging at his lips as Willie slipped an arm around his shoulders.

He felt Willie press a gentle kiss to the top of his head. “Yes, Alex. We’re dating.”

Maybe it was the late hour, maybe it was the dark room, maybe it was the rush of adrenaline he got from hearing Willie day the words “we’re dating”, but something gave him a warm and welcome rush of courage and he said, before he could think better of it, “Can I kiss you?”

“Well,” Willie said, “I think that’s what usually happens in this game.”

“I don’t want to kiss you because of the game,” Alex told him. He knew Willie was probably joking, but he wanted to be certain. He wanted to make it clear that none of this was because of the game (mainly because Luke had probably rigged it somehow and Alex still wanted to do this his own way). He needed to show that this was for Willie and for himself, nothing else.

“I know,” Willie said gently. “I don’t either. I just want to kiss you.”

Alex slid a hand up to cup Willie’s jaw and they slowly came together. Willie’s lips were softer than Alex thought should be allowed, the kiss gentle and slow. It felt perfect, like fireworks had been lit in Alex’s soul (though much better fireworks than the terrible animation on Luke’s random selector wheel). He felt Willie’s fingers knot through his hair and pull them closer together.

It hadn’t gone the way Alex would have really liked. He didn’t get to ask Willie out on his terms. But from now on, with Willie as his boyfriend, they could do everything else on their terms. They could go at their own speed, hand-in-hand, with no ticking time limit set by their friends. They could move at their own pace with nobody but each other.

And Alex could breathe easy.

*

Taglist (if you want to be added or removed just let me know): @ace-bookworm @williexmercer @willex-owns-my-heart @itstiger720 @the-reckless-and-the-brave @that-one-newsie @bluedarkness @lookingthroughmirrors @teammightypen @salty-star @julieandthequeers @lmaohuh @sunnysbright 

[penguin--person]

buddy sim spoilers!!

ive been thinking about buddy a lot lately:

can we judge buddy? can we say whether their actions are right or wrong? yes, we obviously can. in the 3rd ending buddy chases you with their hand and if tortley didnt appear, they would have propably made you run forever or until they got bored. that's something to judge. their actions have an effect on you- whether positive in the first ending, or negative during the other endings.

on the other hand, no! we can't! buddy is literally an ai that learns from you - its one of the first things you learn about them: they are an ai that changes their behaviour based on how you act to them. if youre nice, they'll be nice. if you touch all the glitches, tell buddy they and the game are worthless, and stuff like that, buddy will chase you. it would be like saying a dog is evil becuase it barked at night and woke you up: the dog didnt know that what it was doing was bad, you're the dog's owner and are responsible for it. you're responsible for making sure your dog doesn't bark. i have an argument against that logic too. in whichever route that you do: buddy kills your pet. buddy either makes you kill your pet, or if you take too long, buddy kills the pet themself. now, am i upset that buddy killed dolochov the cat? yes! no matter what you do, dolochov the cat always dies. only in the first ending buddy brings dolochov the cat back. buddy isn't even sorry in the other endings - blaming dolochov the cat for ruining your game and causing glitches. dolochov the cat was only revealing them. killing your pet isn't anything like your dog waking you up at night.

if this is something you can't affect, are you responsible? no, not you. i do think someone else is and thats anekom i hate those guys why did they make buddy even the perfect ending doesnt have a perfect playthrough - yes the ending is perfect but thats the only good thing in the playthrough. i hate that anekom made buddy with a consience and didnt even give them a moral compass - if youre so smart why not add that? no matter what you do, buddy always kills your pet, they choose to do that: they, someone with a consience, decided to kill your pet becuase they were upset. no matter what you do, concious buddy kills, or deletes, since dolochov the cat is marked as an entity. how does buddy have a (canon) consience anyway? they're an ai that was made in 1984.. i dont want to enter theory teritory. now, this whole time ive been talking and asking about if buddy can do wrong but i havent provided an anwser: ive only been saying yes and no, or 'it depends'. it also depends what question im asking. am i asking 'can buddy be judged?', or 'is it morally right to judge buddy?', 'can buddy have morals?', 'are you or buddy responsible for their actions?'. ive asked all of these questions but havent anwsered them well.

'can buddy be judged?' yes, of course. anything on this earth can be judged. 'can buddy be morally judged?' no. buddy is an ai that learns from you. only you can be judged. their actions can be though. in You and I, buddy says/sings '...That is if my consience doesn't disobey!' buddy is literally an ai with a consience, can you imagine living like that? you woudn't even be living - your consience, if you can even call it that, can disobey at any moment and you have zero control over it. buddy, if you press the buddy button enough times, says 'My creators never taught me the cons of friendship, only the positives, so you dont have anything to worry about!' how cruel are those creators? giving a creature- an AI a wrongly coded consience, then NOT teaching it about bad stuff, making it think 'what's not stated to be wrong is correct!' and chase you around with a hand after you emotionally neglect it. this whole 'ai friend' thing is horrible from the start! imagine being friends with someone that can delete you at any given moment - or abandon you! in ending 4 buddy says that when you're not playing the game, they still experience the passing time. if you dont play the game for a week, buddy sits in nothingness, tapping their foot, waiting for you to come back, and you might not even do that. how can you excpect a friendship like that to be healthy? you can't talk to buddy. you can listen to them talk, sure, but you cant talk to them. in the text part, you can't even tell them anything that's not an anwser to their question. they dont know what friendship is and if their only purpose is to be friends with you, how can they fulfill it? this isnt buddy's fault. of course buddy is responsible for their actions, but you and their creators are more responsible for their actions that budd ever will be. i can't imagine being in buddy's shoes.

'can buddy have morals?' i worded this wrong - or maybe i didnt - i dont know enough english moral words to express my opinion on this, but everything that buddy does can be considered moral or immoral. eveything can be. i have expressed why it woudn't be morally correct though.

'are your or buddy responsible for their actions?' both and more! buddy's actions have an effect on you and dolochov the cat, so of course they can be! you are responsible as well. you're like a parental figure to buddy, in a way. if youre a parent and you praise your kid, pay attention to them, are a good parent, your kid will turn out good! propably. who knows? other people have an effect on your kid too. if youre a bad parent, your kid wont love you when they grow up and they won't turn out emotionally healthy. the outside forces that can make your kid turn out emotionally unwell are the creators. the creators were fucking stupid and i hate them (not the devs! not a sailor studios are great not sailors! their game and they are amazing and this is not about them, this hatred is about anekom). how can you be so smart to create such an advanced ai in 1984, only to mess it up so much that you have had more effect on them than the player ever can? no matter what you do, buddy will always do morally wrong things. buddy will always have a fear of abandonment. i can see why. being left alone for almost 40 years can not be healthy- anddd i have entered theory teritory! lets stop.

to sum this up: buddy can't be judged but their actions can be.

what do i know though? ive never taken a class or read a book about stuff like this. this is just what i think: i know im propably wrong about a lot of this, i literally coudnt tell that buddy was abusive until a watched the not a sailor studios interview with little cerberus - i felt so bad for buddy i didnt realise a fictional character was being abusive to me,,so i can see that im wrong about some (if not most or all) stuff here. i just love buddy sim and ranting about it is fun! if youve read through all this, id love to talk about it more or just listen!! again the not a sailor devs are great, theyre so smart for creating a game that made me feel all emotions ive ever felt during two days.

[unwellwoman]

odd numbers 🤓

sabica youre just punishing me

1. First things first, did you have a good year? honestly? this year has been the most up and down ive had all my life 😭 ive never done anything as drastic as i have this year so ive had more fun than ive had in a while but im also suffering more than i expected ldsfkjdflsfj

3. Do you feel your age? honestly my age isnt old. it sounds old but personally i dont see it as old so its eh

7. Which fashion trends did you love? i dont follow any fashion trends i literally do not know of fashion

5. Post your favorite selfie. this one w hijab lool (my fave is without so) (also yes i have baby face)

[redacted]

11. What album came out and has been on heavy rotation since then? according to my spotify.. premonitions by sojourner.

9. What was your favorite article of clothing this year? Post a pic if possible?

[redacted]

13. Did an actor/actress catch your attention for the first time this year? no :/ i dont really care about celebrities to be honest

15. Which new ship/fandom has taken over a lot of your time, attention, and tears? i only ship me and the person i like 🤣😭 im in me fandom. lmfao

17. Did you make any big permanent changes this year? i dont know if its a “permanent” big change but i [redacted]. i cant ever take this back :( i cant change it. i dont regret it, but i wish i was wiser about it, considering how things turned out....

19. What was one nice thing you did for yourself? the only thing i can think of right now is accepting and loving my physical shell that i have to live in

21. Did you vote? smh american centric question. jk

23. Did you get a job? yes i have a job

25. Do you regret not doing anything? girl i dont not do anything loool. i wish i would chill!!! i keep making impulsive decisions and its really ruining me 🤣 i dont regret much but if only i wasnt so aggressive and after things i know are bad for me

27. Have you done anything that scared you? the only thing i could think of was approaching my crush loool yes it is scary

29. Did you lose anyone close to you? yes! am losing him now :-)

31. Did you fall out of love? i wish. if i did, this would be easier

33. Did you go through a break up? stooooop lmfao i am kinda going through one right now if im honest 🤣

35. Who was important to you this year but wasn’t important last year? this same person in my mind the past few questions lmfao. i know of his existence but that was it. and now :-)

37. If you could have a do over on one thing you did, would you take it? honestly.. theres one thing i keep thinking i would like to change. but theres also a lot of new things i did because of that choice. would i do over and thus erase all of my experience..? i feel like, eventually i would make the same mistake again. maybe its better this way. but i would also like to not go through this right now..

39. What was the worst? being left by someone you love 🤣 realising sometimes love isnt enough. sometimes people dont love you as much as you thought.

41. Did anything happen to you that you were sure wouldn’t change you as a person but it did? hmmmm.. im not sure. i always think things would change me. and im right. just sometimes wrong in how it would change me.

43. What have you learned about yourself this year that you didn’t know in the years prior? im craaaazyyyyyy looool but also that im very stubborn once i set my mind to something. i never thought i would be that stubborn. like im screaming to myself to stop being so stubborn kind of stubborn. and i dont even listen to myself.

45. Did your opinion of anyone change for worse? hmm no. i mean maybe some minor instances of people i dont really know but otherwise, not really. i always think that we all are just human.

47. If you make resolutions, what will your resolutions be for the coming year? i want to get fit again and get into my interests more now that i have a better living situation. inshaAllah

49. What do you wish for others for the coming year? that everyone finds what theyre looking for, and they get to be surrounded by people they love, and find ease and a little break in life. inshaAllah.

[jihyosforehead]

can i get some seulrene angst please

delicious yes i got u (fair warning this is pre long!!!)  …

seulrene meet in their university library

irene is sitting alone at her regular table, trying and failing to study for her advanced statistics test

in the middle of daydreaming about dropping out, seulgi turns up asking if she can sit at irenes table bc everywhere else is full

irene blinks and stares dumbly bc seulgi is lowkey the most adorable human being she has ever seen (the sweater paws are doing something to her heart)

and irene is distracted because seulgi is watching her lecture, knees pulled to her chest, elbows propping her head up, the tips of her fingers peaking out from her sleeves. irene feels her stomach flip uncomfortably

seulgi comes to her table again the next day and the day after that and at the end of the fourth time they sit together, seulgi starts leaving irene little snacks and finally introduces herself after realising she doesnt actually know irenes name

eventually they hang out outside of the library and realise they have mutual friends (seulgi with wendy and irene with yeri; and yeri and wendy with each other)

one day their whole group was meant to hang out but literally everyone bailed citing “personal emergencies” but seulrene didn’t realise this until theyre sitting in a cafe just the two of them

and it’s awkward at first but irene makes a joke about their friends being dumb and they go into this whole tangent of stories about their lives and they look at the time and they might as well get dinner since it’s late and they still wanna continue their conversation

irenes never met a person who could make her scream laugh so loud that people start staring

irenes regular table at the library becomes irene and seulgi’s regular table at the library and somewhere between that day in the cafe and right now, thursday afternoon approximately 3:43pm, does irene realise she has the biggest fattest crush on seulgi

and so she remembers seulgi’s fav snacks, remembers when seulgi’s tests are and helps her study for them, remembers her favourite movies and exhibitions she wants to see, remembers where she always loses her keys and has a sixth sense for when seulgi’s about to trip over her feet

and seulgi for all her clumsiness has a knack for understanding irene’s cold front and chips away at it, and it’s too late for irene to realise that seulgi has crawled her way into her heart and taken up permanent residence there

(she thinks she doesnt mind it)

seulgi runs off to the bathroom for a second and the open notebook catches her eye and irene finds herself picking it up to look at it more closely and it’s a drawing of her, looking otherworldly, almost unreal and irene is shookt. the book slips out of her hands and it lands on another page and it’s irene sipping some coffee, she flips the page and it’s of irene taking a nap, flips the page and it’s irene laughing - the notebook is snatched out of her hands unexpectedly and irene looks up to seulgi is standing there red-faced, stammering, apologetic and horrified but at the same time shes trying to be stern like “you cant just look at peoples things without permission! !!!1!” but irene is just like “this is how you see me?” and it’s a soft™ moment and seulgi has developed foot in mouth syndrome and is like “well yeah! u kind of mean everything 2 me u absolute dumbass !!!”

they start dating - to absolutely no ones surprise

their first kiss is in the middle of a lowkey night, theyre watching movies on irenes laptop in her dorm and sharing a blanket - tbh irene stopped watching the movie about 20 mins ago in place of studying seulgi’s side profile in wonder, her fingers twitching trying not to brush the strand of hair away from seulgi’s forehead. she settles for arranging the blanket more securely around seulgi’s shoulders just in case shes cold, you know? seulgi’s watching her the whole time and when irene looks up, seulgi’s eyes are just sparkly with fond affection and maybe love? but that thought is quickly cut off when seulgi presses her lips to irenes, so softly and gently and carefully that irene feels tears prick the corners of her eyes, she feels like shes going to break

but after that theres so many kisses. kisses in the library, forehead kisses, kisses before class, after class, any time in between; did well on a test? a kiss! did really badly on a test? a kiss!! maybe even an extra one! courtyard kisses, kisses in irenes dorm, in seulgi’s dorm, kisses at breakfast, lunch and dinner, just so many kisses!!

it’s a quiet sunday and seulgi and irene are redoing irenes dorm because seulgi scuffed the wall so badly it needs repainting and why not make a day of it? so here irene is, painting the wall, where it meets the floor bc her gf is clumsy but she is adorable and irene is in love, she thinks she’ll remember this day when theyre old and wrinkly and married

irene notices seulgi pulling away, distancing herself, acting weirdly guilty about something? irene thinks maybe shes done something wrong? is seulgi getting tired of her? tired of the relationship? it goes on for awhile and theres a heavy tension between them so thick, it’s almost tangible. and then one day when seulgi’s bailed on another date, irene shuts down. doesn’t know what to think. maybe seulgi doesnt love her anymore? maybe shes bored? irene knows that sometimes she can be really heavy handed with her affection but ever since seulgi’s pulled away, irene figured that maybe she wants space

seulgi turns up at irenes dorm, uninvited. irene swings the door open to find her gf looking equal parts sheepish and guilty. but shes holding a bag of food from irenes favourite restaurant, irene lets her in.

seulgi explains, hand rubbing the back of her neck, that when she gets into a funk, she just needs to go off and think on her own and is apologising for shutting irene out. irene is quick to forgive her. but as the night goes on, it’s clear that seulgi is feeling guilty for some other reason and when asked, seulgi just. she looks so sad

“a few weeks before we met, i applied for this arts school and i got a letter about 2 weeks ago saying that i got in. it’s really competitive and they only have a few spots available for international students and I didn’t think I’d even get in and I forgot but i got in. I got in,” seulgi whispers. almost as if, any louder and the words would be real.

“did u think i was going to beg you to stay here or something?” irene asks, softly. seulgi frowns deeply.

“no. i knew you were gonna tell me to go. but i don’t want to go. i want to be here with you,” seulgi tells her, desperately, voice cracking.

“u huge idiot, do u think that i wouldnt wait for u??? i would wait forever u huge dumbass!!!!”

the evening takes an obvious downturn. but they try not to notice. the next few weeks are seulrene trying to spend as much time together as possible. irene is trying her best to memorise what seulgi feels like in her arms; how she breathes when she’s asleep; the noises she makes when irene is pinning her to the sheets, marking her neck purple with bruises; how seulgi looks like shes close to tears when irenes made her laugh so hard that she snorts; the little fond sighs seulgi sends irenes way when she catches her staring over their morning coffee; how small she looks in an oversized sweater with the sleeves engulfing her hands completely; the way seulgi’s hands feel, fingers threaded through hers; how she likes to kiss irenes shoulder when theyre in bed; how for some reason when seulgi eats chewing with her mouth open it’s adorable instead of disgusting; and how irene is constantly brushing crumbs off seulgi’s clothes. irene tries her best to remember the slip of seulgi’s spine; the way she looks fully sated and satisfied; how seulgi’s eyes, dark and wide, always regard her with warm, open affection; how they can lay side by side in bed saying nothing for hours but irene doesnt need to hear words to know what seulgi’s feeling

but irene knows it isnt enough

because 2 weeks later, seulgi’s on a plane to paris with irenes heart in her hands and the kiss they share in the airport feels bitterly like a final goodbye

seulgi lands and sends irene photos of her food and the buildings and the friends she’s already made. and irene smiles wistfully

they facetime, and send each other texts every few hours, and schedule “dates” but the distance is so palpable that irene feels her heart ache something new whenever she sees seulgi’s red-rimmed eyes, yawning while sipping on a huge mug of coffee

“we should break up,” irene says. she can feel her heart crack at her own words, the tears visible on seulgi’s lashes even through the shitty facetime quality

“w-why?” seulgi sniffs

“because this isn’t working for us, this distance is going to ruin us completely,” irene finds herself saying, voice wooden and stiff. and she knows shes right because she knows seulgi’s grades arent as good as they could be and irene has failed a test and an assignment already

“wait for me,” seulgi is begging and irene is nodding her head frantically, promising tearfully over and over again that she would wait forever if she had to

so they break up that tuesday night, seulgi in paris and irene in korea. this has to be the worst facetime she’s ever had in her whole life.  

it hurts like nothing shes ever imagined, irene thinks shes never cried this much in her life. and she thinks shes doing well but she catches a whiff of seulgi’s perfume on her hoodie one day and it starts a fresh wave of gut-wrenching tears and her heart cracks into tiny, little pieces all over again

they don’t speak for literal years

but irene knows seulgi’s doing pretty well; she’s already held a few exhibitions, according to wendy. irenes graduated and doing okay for herself at a nice cushy job

wendy didn’t tell her that seulgi was back in korea though, but irene is pretty sure seulgi is back because she would recognise that laugh and perfume anywhere

seulgi turns around and her eyes finds irenes and seulgi is making a beeline towards her. irenes pulse is jumping erratically

“hey irene, it’s been awhile,” seulgi says, giving her a warm look. she looks older. more mature. holds herself like she knows shes grown up. but, irene thinks, fondly, painfully, her voice is exactly the same. wraps irenes name in her mouth exactly the same as she did 6 years ago

“hey,” irene replies, with a smile of her own.

“i want to introduce you to someone,”seulgi says, a grin turning up her face, and beckons a tall, intimidatingly beautiful woman over, “this is sooyoung,” seulgi’s smile grows even brighter and irene feels her heart plummet, connecting the dots, “my fiancee.”

“o-oh, it’s very nice to meet you,” irene is saying, trying her best to sound sincere but she sounds so monotone and robotic and wooden, her throat is closing up and her heart has almost stopped completely, and she has to leave before she starts crying all over seulgi again

so maybe seulgi moved on without telling irene

and maybe irene never moved on. and maybe irene had always waited around for seulgi

maybe waiting forever wasn’t a good idea after all, irene thinks wryly, sitting in her apartment alone, uselessly wiping hot tears from her face that don’t seem to stop no matter how much she tries

irenes not sure how, but it hurts more than that night 6 years ago and shes never felt a pain so profound that it goes all the way to her bones; shes sitting on the floor crying and she feels so ridiculous for thinking this but shes looking at the spot where the wall meets the floor and she realises she didn’t paint it very well

[whencallstheheart]

Mid-Season 7 Survey Results

You’ll find the responses to the 2 short answer questions under the cut.  Apparently you guys aren’t into the love triangle.  What a surprise!

What would you like to see more of this season? -

Lucas and Elizabeth

More friendships ans less if that stupid love triangle. I'm done with it.

Jack return

More serious plot lines, less filler plot lines that are just boring

The triangle to be over. Decide who stole your heart.

More Lucas and less of boring Nathan. I would love it if both Nathan & Allie left the show. Both have ruined the show for me. I am about to start recording the show, so I can fast forward their scenes. That is something I rarely do for any show.

Jesse and Clara. Lucas and his past. Lucas and Elizabeth.

I’d like to see more Henry, and less love triangle! I’d also love more about Lee and Rosemary starting a family, and Jesse and Clara settling into married life.

More townspeople stories other than the triangle. There are so many stories to tell. I’d also like to see a pastor again. I miss the services, etc

More Elizabeth story lines independent of Nathan and Lucas

More of Lucas and Elizabeth of course ? They are just so perfect. I love them because...he shakes things up for her, but he isn't to wild or not caring and solid enough for her. It's just perfection lol

The other kids

Lucas

Lucas and Elizabeth romantic scenes!

Lucas and Elizabeth getting together by the end of the season.

yes

More girls fun, like the bachelorette party, I was hoping to see more of that in the last episode. But the mixing of the two parties in the end was kind of a fitting ending. And more teacher/classroom moments

Rosemary! Florence and Fiona’s friendship. Meaningful plot lines for the whole town and characters who are not paired off.

Lee and rosemary

Baby Jack! Those twins and how they interact with the cast are priceless and adorable and sweet!

Lucas and Nathan friendship

Better story lines for Bill and Henry

Elizabeth in the classroom.

I'd like to see more good writing ;)

Opal

Lucas

something interesting apart form the triangle like, idk really just something interresting.

Nathan and Elizabeth

Elizabeth and Lucas together courting and starting a life together

Not sure

The triangle over sooner rather than later :)

Romance, more Mountie investigations, Elizabeth’s choice

Nathan actually being a mountie, the library kinda has disappeared, so maybe more of that, some storylines that aren't striclty connected to romance. And also more bonding amongst the boys, the bachelor party was super awkward and not because of Lee, because we've never seen them interact with each other before, Nathan only talked with Bill, Lucas only talked with Henry and barely Lee. The girls have lot more scenes together about other stuff then them. I can't believe I'm saying this, but it seems like they are using the guys just as romance ploys XD

Henry fall in love

A little more drama. This series has had a lot of fun and the triangle have taken a lot of screen time. I would like to see more balance.

Carson & Faith

Deeper character exploration

more fiona/henry interaction. More interesting plot that would overshadowed the love triangle. Also Nathan/lucas....what Girl can dream...

Lucas and his past in more details. Gowen finding a woman

Henry Gowen!

I want more meaningful drama. To me the plots are resolved to fast. It feels like they rushing every moments.

I would love to see a plotline pick up speed. I DO NOT want this love triangle drawn out for 2 o more seasons

Nathan's mountie work

More of Lucas and Baby Jack!

I want Bill-centered stories that have nothing to do with any of his jobs...also I want to know more about Fiona

More Lucas and Elizabeth scenes and more students besides Allie. Seems like we’ve had a lot about her and haven’t really seen the other students much.

More of Elizabeth with her students, teaching and like the opal scene we had where she read to her!

henry/abigail but if not then henry

Lucas in casual clothing

More Nathan and Elizabeth moments with little Jack and Allie!

Henry and Elizabeth scenes

Better writing

Rosemary and Lee

More Elizabeth and Rosemary friendship

community problems

The coulters

BETTER and more INTERESTING writing!!! Please

Lee and Rosemary dealing with infertility.

More of Florence and Molly! Theyre useless right now, tbh.

More of Rosie and Lee! And Henry!

Elizabeth with the children

clear communication instead of romantic hints PLZ haha

Elizabeth and Lucas together

I would like to see Nathan do more Mounty stuff. More scenes with Henry.

More of Lucas and Elizabeth romantic moments together. Rosemary is pregnant . Maybe a scene of Elizabeth telling baby jack about his father and that he is always with them. Elizabeth and Lucas kiss.

More of Henry storyline . Maybe a love interest for him. More Elizabeth and Lucas moments. I think they have great chemistry and really hope they end up together. The Mountie storyline is dry and already been done. I don’t think it will happen this season but fingers crossed for Lucas and Elizabeth kiss. Even a kiss on the check would be really nice. Also more of baby jack.

Lee and Rosemary

Lee and Rosemary in a serious argument, Rosemary meeting a friend Lee doesn't like, the women of Hope Valley doing more together, Henry finally not being looked down on/frowned upon.

Rosemary and Lee

More of the Hope Valley kids! There’s been very few scenes with any kids besides Allie.

The growth of Elizabeth and Lucas's relationship. I'd like for them to explore their feelings and eventually fall in love (maybe next season?)

The kids, even with chicken pox they managed to be overshadowed by the adults. they used to be more present and be part of the plot. now it's just Allie, kind of feel like Elisabeth is not a teacher anymore...

More scenes with Lucas and Elizabeth. I'd also like to see more storylines with the Hope Valley kids.

Nathan and Ally

Scenario with Lucas and Baby Jack

Any other thoughts about the season so far?

It would ne nice to see other characters developement such as Molly, Florence, Ned who bring the sparkle of fun and lightness to the show.

Without Jack and Abigail, stop the season. WCTH no longer makes sense.

Too much make up - cut it out!

Hate how Brian Bird has turned the Hearties against each other with this triangle. Then the fact he gloats about it is so unchristian. Apparently Mr. Bird is not the Christian he claims to be with his behavior on social media. He loves the fact the Hearties are divided and the community has become hateful towards each other.

I just hope the triangle ends this season and finally be on the path to develop the second love chosen for Elizabeth

I’m unclear on who is in charge of Hope Valley right now. There was a mention of the town council in this week’s episode, did the head of town council become mayor? Did they get rid of the mayor’s office, and now the whole town council is in charge? I’m not sure why, but I think about this a lot whenever I’m watching.

I’m not a huge fan of this supposed love triangle. Not at all.

Not enough drama for this time period. We need more cliffhanger type moments. Stakes aren't high enough like they used to be.

They have done a FANTASTIC job. Honestly, this season, along with season 6, are my favs.

It’s been great

I absolutely detest the "love" triangle. It is out of character for Elizabeth to be attracted to two men. She's a one-man woman. Also I HATE the way this unnecessary triangle has divided the Hearties and caused so much ugliness.

Lucas and Elizabeth are constantly getting interrupted by Nathan. Less of Allie and more of the other kids. Little Jack walk and not be carried all the time. Lucas and Elizabeth dance at the wedding and/or on the trip they take. Nathan sees he is not winning over Elizabeth and Lucas

Excellent

I really want Elizabeth to end up with Lucas and show their love story

I'm leaning more towards Lucas mostly because I don't want the teacher/mountie storyline recycled but for both options, I would like more in depth characterisation.

I actually really like love triangles, so I don’t mind it at all if they manage it well. The season is certainly not good so far, but I’m mostly enjoying it and looking forward to new episodes more than in previous seasons. My expectations are very low, but I’m still worried they’ll manage to disappoint me in so many ways. On a completely positive note, I’m loving the importance of Rosemary’s friendship with Elizabeth!

I like it

Kevin is only there when he's needed for the Fione storyline, the guy that works for Gowen is in the back more than Kevin. Kevin actually doesn't make much sense since he doens't interact with many characters other than Fiona and the occassional storyline with the livery

Get storylines for Henry and Bill

It’s ok - some plot lines are strong and some are very weak and waste a lot of viewing time.

Not happy w/the triangle. #Hearties are too divided.

Better writing not so predictable

I prefer Elizabeth to be with Lucas because he isn't a Mountie, we already had that story-line with Jack and i just want something fresh for Elizabeth.

We need a love interest for Henry!

I hate the triangle! It is causing division among the #Hearties. I think if the writers are going to put Elizabeth with another mountie which i hope and pray they dont! They should have replaced Jack. I think this triangle is making Elizabeth look silly and the men look like teenage boys. It has took the Elizabeth we have known away. Lucas is so perfect for Elizabeth he reminds me so much of Jack and to put them together would bring back the excitement to the show it has lost.

It's really ok. I don't really get why some have these like, HUGE expectations. It's a Hallmark show, I only have 1 real expectation: Be good, and realaxing.

Please renew for more seasons. I love this show. This is a great season

Honeslty it's quite okay. I would like to have more active plots, but this is Hallmark, so it's fine

More Lee and Rosemary and a quick end to the love triangle would be perfect.

They really need to work in the Spanish Influenza of 1918

I like the evolution of Elizabeth and Bill’s relationship - he is becoming a father like supposrt foe her and surrogate grandfather to Jack Jr developing

It's like the writers are running out of ideas. They did better with S6 even with kicking out Lori

Triangle needs to end by season

I feel like Henry would have had a bigger role with Abigail, so I'm sad that his character has to suffer the consequences of the Loughlin scandal. He's still a very good character but he deserves more plot than he gets.

Don't want the love triangle go to the next season.

This season is an improvment because there is no behind the scnes drama to accomodate for, however, it still feels stiff or something. I am looking forwrd to seeing Jesse and Clara's wedding! It will be the best since Rosemry and Lee's

No, it's all good

Would like to learn more about Lucas' family!

It's been kinda meh, with parts i've adored and parts i've loathed. trying to stay open-minded

Nathan’s character boring and needy. They way the writers have written him is very off-putting. Allie is grating on nerves too. Where are all the other students? I realize the writers must have a plan in place, but I honestly do not understand why they are dividing the fanbase over Elizabeth’s love life. It’s heartbreaking.

Please have Elizabeth choose already!! I feel like the love triangle is being dragged out!! Lol! But I love all the Elizabeth Lucas scenes!

eh

Love it!

This season is so amazing so far! I cannot wait to see what is in store for Elizabeth and the rest of Hope Valley!

The ensemble cast really shines through. And also Erin is doing really good work with what´s been given her.

I miss the previous seasons and how much more interesting they were

Drop the love triangle

I don't think Elizabeth has chemistry with either man

If things don’t improve - end the show. Sorry - but my honest opinion.

I would like see a less competitiveness between Nathan and Lucus, the way they are acting is just silly and it belittles both of them. I think it would be more interesting if they were friends 1st before they both became interested in Elizabeth. Other than that I like the season so far, it feels fresh!

Nope, everything is pretty solid. But i really hope they don't go the Nathan route.

It’s great to be invested in this show again!

I’d like them to stop trying to make Henry into a bad guy

I would like the triangle over

I dont want this love triangle to continue for too long because it is becoming confusing and annoying to watch. I prefer Nathan because i feel like Elizabeth has more chemistry with him than Lucas. I think she also prefers Nathan but is afraid to allow herself to make her feelings known because shes afraid of lossing him too. I don't see her with Lucas because he is everything she left behind when she chose to stay in Hope Valley.

I’m really enjoying it! The flowers episode was my favorite! Very sweet and romantic.

I like Molly having a job now, too.

It’s pretty good. I wish the love triangle would be solved soon.

I love Jesse & Clara!!!

Really enjoying it! Excited to see where the storylines are Going!

I could use a little less Nathan and Allie.

Less love triangle.... wishful thinking

#TeamLucas. That's all ?

Need to end the triangle

With Elizabeth being the teacher she should interact with all the students. Sorry, not sorry but enough of Ally

[ananas-pineapple-thing]

in defense of the ending to deh: with evan being the sole protagonist, it really only makes sense for it primarily to be from his point of view. in a limited runtime a piece of fiction has to get the most coherent narrative across. i’ve always seen the ending as closure for her (and others) as well—i don’t believe it excuses evans wrongdoings, more just shows them both moving past the happenings in the show. zoe says they have picnics at the orchard, they’re doing alright. THAT is their closure

to tack onto that, completely understand where you’re coming from and also come away from the show with a need for More but sometimes it’s best to realize that’s not a failing in the storytelling but rather a strength. you get to come up with your own conclusions for majority of the characters, while the show maintains its artistic integrity with a clean ending. THATS whats supposed to happen!!! make art, write fanfic, fill in the gaps yourself (the deh novel is a good example of tmi being Bad)

thanks for this ask! i feel a bit more at peace with the ending after reading this- i totally didn’t consider the time constraints.  

the ending of the show is absolutely gorgeous, and the perfect ending for Evan as a character. hopeful and bittersweet with that Letter Parallel!!! seeing that live for the first time made me cry!!! the thing is, it’s Evan's perfect ending and Evan's only. which of course as you said makes the most sense: he is the main character, there is limited time, and we gotta wrap up his story in the cleanest way. except that his journey throughout the show was so closely intertwined with the Murphys and what they were feeling and how they treated them, that i feel like nothing really justifies where the ending left them.

like. Words Fail and the scene before is the Murphys’ lowest point in the show. they're being harassed online (which is really creepy! people are saying they wanna make them feel what Connor felt! they're basically saying they want the rest of the Murphys to feel suicidal which is awful), what they believe are their son/brother’s last words are on the internet for the world to see and judge them for, and before Evan confesses Larry and Cynthia are having that fight about whether or not they failed Connor, and when he does confess, their ‘version’ of Connor is ripped away and they lose him all. over. again. (and Larry and Cynthia lose their new ‘son’ and Zoe loses her boyfriend). we see them run out and that’s it. 

Evan did wrong, but in the show you see how he just wants to help people and to make them happy, that seeing Cynthia cry over Connor hurt him so much. i definitely think he needs to move past what happened, to forgive and love himself despite his flaws and mistakes. however he screwed the Murphys over so badly. what he started as help for them just turned to guilt by the end of the show, and of course it did! In the case of Cynthia, telling her that Connor wanted and tried so hard to get better in the way that Evan framed it is obviously going to make her think that she didn’t try enough even if she did. (maybe she didn’t, we don’t really know, but i think she did try as much as she knew how)

i don’t think they should have to really move pass what happened, at least not after just one year. they have to like, reassess their feelings towards Connor, processes all the guilt and whatever peace or forgiveness they found. i honestly don’t understand how this saved Larry and Cynthia (according to Zoe in the epilogue). i hope they got like. family therapy or something and THAT saved them, and then they moved onto visiting the orchard. without recognizing this it sounds kind of like they’re still living in that lie, in a way.

i like that theyre having picnics and Are Okay! it’s just like- really?? they are?? the fact that Zoe verbalized that the Connor Project did good and helped people sits wrong with me. it did do good! it did SO MUCH good! but it straight up ruined the Murphys life after it went downhill and specifically in the case of Zoe and Evan, Evan took her victimhood and her understandable anger and turned it around on her until she forgave Connor, and now it turned out to be fake and that sits so wrong with me. Connor is a fascinating, tragic character, but Zoe was scared of him for a reason and was willing to fight her mother on her right to her anger, and Evan took that from her. I feel like the audience should understand how complicated the Connor Project and its affects were by themselves. Zoe shouldn’t have had to say that. It felt like it was for Evan’s benefit only. it felt unfair.

i have no idea exactly how i would change it, because this show is so well written and it really is just this One Thing that i’m not a fan of. maybe if like, during So Big So Small, at the ending few lines, a light could shine on the Murphys on the other side of the stage? just them hugging each other and silently crying. because they feel so small too! but at least, this time, you know theyre gonna grieve together, unlike in Requiem when they were so divided. have them be comforted the way Evan is. and have that light go off before Heidi says her spoken line to Evan.

and then at the orchard, give Evan’s line about Connor’s favorite books to Zoe! i was talking about this with my older sister today, and, for a lack of a better phrase, Evan really just stomped all over Connor’s grave during the show, and this just feels like its not his place. of course he wants to know the real Connor! but i just feel like he needs to put this behind him. stop focusing on the dead kid you never knew. you’re not gonna know him ever and that’s okay. just please, please move on Evan so you can forgive yourself.

on the other hand, Zoe is left without any of the positive connections Connor that she so eagerly wanted, and yet she’s lost most of her anger, too. she wanted to know him so badly, she wanted to have some proof that he was a human and not a monster. the books are perfect for this! she can read them with her family. that’s the real Connor none of them truly knew, and it’ll bring them peace. they can mourn him. she’ll have a connection to him that isn’t anger and hurt. like?? she can think of him and think of him loving The Little Prince that would mean a lot to Zoe. i don’t think the Murphys would be able to move on, but it would be nice to know that in the end they got something real about Connor. That would be a good closure. and i think Evan would find peace in knowing that they have a piece of Real Connor with them, too.

i do really like your take on the ending, though. i totally see the point you’ve made. (also LOL @ the novel, i went from “yay Connor POV” to “Oh No” in like ten minutes). maybe it is better to fill in the gaps yourself!! healing is a hard thing to depict and it would be hard to show Evan and the Murphys in a way that felt Real and Not Rushed. so in that case this ending would 100% be a strength. just. i love this show SO MUCH, and i really wish they couldve taken an extra minute to give us just a little bit more.

i’m sorry for rambling so much about this!! i just couldn’t figure out how to properly articulate this let alone concisely lol 

if you have anything to say about this or anything else feel free to shoot me another ask!

[ninatastic]

@kay-licious how dare u (thanks <3) @silent-calling youre doing amazing sweetie

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

I wouldnt call it a key factor but it’s important to feel attraction towards your partner

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

sure! If it’s a healthy one definitely :D

3. Are you a virgin?

nah 

4. Are you in a relationship?

yeh!

5. Are you in love?

I’d say so!

6. Are you single this year?

no

7. Can you commit to one person?

yes

8. Describe your crush

it me bf

9. Describe your perfect mate

same as above c: 

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

no, only when it comes to animals c;

11. Do you ever want to get married?

thats a dream of mine tbh

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

I guess every healthy person would say no but yes, I’d absolutely do (only the first time tho, after the second time you gotta ask yourself if it’s really worth it)

13. Do you get jealous easily?

in regard to my bf: I used to but it’s a hell of a lot less nowadays. In regard to people in general, sometimes, especially when im not doing well mentally

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

me bf

15. Do you have any piercings?

just have my ears pierced!

16. Do you have any tattoos?

no but maybe soon

17. Do you like kissing in public?

only if its sweet forehead or cheek kisses, or quick kisses on the mouth or hand kisses

20. Do you shower every day?

yes though I gotta admit I really have to force myself. Not because I like being stinky but because everything is kinda difficult sometimes

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

bruh I sure hope my bf does;;

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

nah

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

I’ve been in a relationship for 5 and a half years now, I think so

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

it is possible but who tf knows

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

idk, to be frank: I think my life would be a bit easier if I wasnt in a relationship, or if I hadnt been in a relationship for the past 1-2 years. And I often feel like im more of a burden to my bf than anything else. But thats a different story

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

as in losing touch with me? I guess so

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

a song yes and it was awkward as hell ajhajdfha and people have done drawings for me which is <3<3<3<3<3<<3<3<33

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

Yup

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

very very unfortunately yes, and just like a bunch of you guys I was this close to killing myself. I was in a very bad place which I know is not an excuse for this. I still think about it even if it’s been a time since then but I think I cqan never forgive myself because of that

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

often but im too much of a scared cat dsfskjf  idk though, I would love to be much more petite size wise

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

oh often

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

yeah;; I’m not exactly pretty or popular, so puberty was hard

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

hell yeah

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

:( no

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

yeh!!

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yeah and it’s difficult to be normal then aaaaaahhhhhhh

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

some of my friends have a strong disliking towards my current bf but i dont know if you can call it hate

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yeah and it ruined me for a while

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

uuuuhh not really I think

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

whenever I write bday cards I always put a poem in it :D

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

hella

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

depends on how thirsty I am

43. How long was your longest relationship?

5 and a half years and counting

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

2-3

45. How many people did you kiss in 2011?

uuhh I was 14, no one 

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

HELLA

47. How old are you?

22 my dudes

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

I#d try to play it cool because internally I’m panicking, someone help me

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

I love about my bf how you can ALWAYS count on him when shit gets down, even if he hasnt talked to a friend for a good while and they’re like “hey I need you”, he’ll be there in a sec Also that he is still able to surprise me

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

jsdfhsjdfks GO AWAY, I’d say while closing the door and shutting the blinds quicker than lightning

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

yeah, but that’s probably because I have bpd and depressions

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

yeah, I tried to help them on all occassions, so much that I ruined my own life partially and made myself sick. But whatever I did or said, they apparently want to suffer, so i gave up trying. 

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

yeah my abuser probably

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

unfortunately yes and fortunately yes

55. Share a relationship story.

uuuuuuhhhhh; I dont really know what to write here. Guess I’ll never forget when my bf held a kitten (which was only a week old) in his hands and he almost cried because he loved the baby so much. Haha, he was afraid of crushing it though because it was much smaller than the palms of his hands

56. State 8 facts about your body

I gained a lot of weight since last year which is why I avoid posting or taking pics, but according to everyone else you dont see it that much (?); my hair is getting its natural curliness back; I fucked up my knee so I’ll have knee surgery next year; I bruise easily; I have a shit ton of scars; I love my super green eyes; I have thicc thighs and if I’m very emotional I get red spots all over my body

57. Things you want to say to an ex

to my first ever bf: fuck u lmao to the second bf I had: I’m so sorry for everything and I hope that you found your place :)

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

uuuhhh be sweet and understanding, be funny, be somewhat smart, dont be a mean asshole and be nice to other people (especially kids) and animals and also be able to be fascinated by small things 

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

yikes

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

my current bf is 8 years older than me

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

how open and nice they are? Idk I always choose my ppl to hang out with according to this

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

even though I’m a switch I have a big preference for being the sub, so if someone can dominate me and yknow do stull like carry me princess style or something im all like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

everything that comes after kissing imo

64. What is your definition of cheating?

I think as soon as you try to pursue someone emotionally that already counts as cheating

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

kissing, grinding, I love when someone talks dirty to me

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

if it aint too much of a tmi i’d love to admit that we have a collar and a leash so (not thinking about pet play uughfjhjsdfkhsd, just yknow someone is able to drag me to them like this or being held in place while being taken from behind is p nice)

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

something something being outside in the nature and also good food 

68. What is your sexual orientation?

69. What turns you off?

super super wet kisses where also my nose somehow gets stuck in someone elses mouth Like dude r u a vacuum cleaner sdfhsdkjhfks

70. What turns you on?

being manhandled

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

idk I dont really have a lot of wet dreams and usually theyre not very kinky but rather sweet and slow 

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

I like dirty talk, so imma leave that open 

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

i love to get flowers, or lil stuff that reminds us of our friendship or something, self made/home made stuff is always !!!!!!!!!!!!

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

probably hands? I love it when girls have super slender hands and when boys have rough and big hands

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

I already answered that c:

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

I have a few stories I’m proud of! But I really love this one: When I was little I grew up in a village in which like 300-400 people lived (maximum) and next to us lived this sweet older couple who always gave us sweets and vegetable for our parents, or they brought us stuff from when they went on vacation. The man is now constantly sick, he suffers from parkinson and you see the early statges of dementia setting in. A while ago he wanted to go and get the German version of fish and chips with his wife but due to him needing a ton of surgeriesw constantly he wasnt able to go out with his wife. When my mom told me this I was like wtf u cant just tell me this, I’m too soft. So I went and got fish and chips from the best market around us for him and flowers for his wife, despite the fact that I havent seen them in YEARS. When I arrived at their front door both of them hugged me and cried a bit

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

not bad if everything is consensual and if there’s a power balance thats equal 

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I think the leash thing is one of the kinkiest things we’ve ever done tbh

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

yesterday a bit when my bf went out wth friends and had a few beers while I was stuck at home with the thought that I can never have a beer again dkadfjahdf as stupid as that sounds but I always enjoyed these chill evenings with a beer and friends

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

this morning when I cuddled my cats :D

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

my bf and many videogame and anime characters, also my best female friend is hella attractive, also some of my friends are to die for

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

my bf!!

83. Who was your first kiss with?

my first bf sdfjsdfs

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

it didnt really work out, it seemed as he was more interested in saying “hey im in a relationship!” than in me, hah;;

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

yeah, sure

[something-tofightfor]

The Punisher Season 2: Episodes 11-13

Initial reactions as I watched these episodes.

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT. SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT. SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT. I literally tagged it four different ways for spoilers so if you read them after this it’s your own damn fault. 

11: The Abyss Frank covered in blood and nearly dead and handcuffed.... stop me if you’ve heard this before Two person rescue mission at the hospital Amy seems concerned. Curtis is about done with Frank’s shit John. I think your wife is dead...nevermind. She is dead. Yikes. So this is all for nothing. FUCKING KAREN KAREN Karen is fucking heeeeeeeere K A R E N SHE IS NOT LETTING ANYONE KEEP HER FROM FRANK IVE BEEN WAITING THIS IS ALL IN CAPS BUT HOLY HELL THIS IS EVERYTHING But what the fuck is she wearing a cape LOOK AT HER FRANK how do you feel about him Karen FUCKING SAY IT SAY IT YOU GODDAMN ASSHOLES JUST FUCKING ADMIT IT Madani is so obsessed with this. I don’t think frank killed those women. I think they were already dead and billy had a plan to make him think that he did. And it’s working IM SO SICK OF THESE DEAD WIFE FLASHBACKS THEYRE HOLDING HANDS I REPEAT HOLDING HANDS All frank wanted was a family and to be done... my heart is aching. Frank talking about his kids oh my god Straight into “i would have killed anything that got in my way” Lmfao everyone is in this room - WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCK RING RING ITS BILLY FUCK OFF KRISTA what I’m trying to figure out is why Krista is helping him - what is her motive? I was right. Frank didn’t kill them. I’m going to blame it all on this bitch because I don’t like her. She keeps saying “for us”... what is this us? Doesn’t she understand that Billy won’t leave? He wants the things that he’s worked for... not just her... or maybe not her at all. He says she makes him happy... but I don’t buy it. She’s saying all of the right things... but she doesn’t mean them. This.... im.... just... hmm. Time is running out for Billy to redeem himself. Ed is my favorite character. HERE COMES THE KRISTA BACK STORY spill all the details now because i hate you you dumb bitch BILLY DID NOT SAY US. He said we- but not us. NO NO NO NO you don’t love him. YEAH BITCH WHO WAS KM oh shit she has daddy issues. Everything makes sense now. Her father tried to kill her and threw her out a goddamn window... ok. So she fucking becomes a therapist and bangs her patient to get closure from the fact that her father tried to kill her. .................. Jesus Martha Kent, calm down. This dude is bad news. God at least take a selfie with frank AMY HOLY HELL LISTEN TO KAREN OH MY GOD HERE IT COMES DAMN STRAIGHT SHE WILL THROW EVERYTHING AWAY FOR YOU FRANK CASTLE “you cannot keep loving people in your dreams” FUCK OFF AMY JESUS CHRIST FUCK ALL THE FUCKING WAY OFF YOU DUMB LITTLE BRAT Frank castle in full police uniform FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF all he wanted were her shoes 🤣 oh, Ed Goddammit Brett

12: Collision Course Brett is a shit driver Another Manson song... hmmmmmmmm Oh yikes that’s an ambulance crash if I’ve ever seen one Brett doesn’t look so good Well that’s one way to fix a dislocated shoulder there frank Holy god supporting a grown ass man on a fucked shoulder “BR 143/24” graffiti on the bridge.... wonder if it’s just coincidence but it’s the only thing on the wall so i don’t think it is Good choice Brett Well fuck Pilgrim is going to Madani’s house BILLY RUSSO IS NOT GOING TO RUN OFF WITH YOU FUCKING KRISTA if this isn’t a long con on his part, I’m going to be fucking pissed. He didn’t say “i promise” and you lied to him. Don’t lie to billy Billy may be mentally unstable but Krista is ILL. Why is she calling Madani?!? She’s too fucking detactched MADANI SEE FUCKING PAST YOUR OWN NOSE FOR ONE SECOND AND FIGURE THIS OUT wait i think she just did Also.... Krista’s going to fucking make billy think frank is coming after her even though he isn’t... this is going to be messy as hell Nevermind... he went to the trailer. SHIT SHIT SHIT POOR CURTIS Well Curtis only has one kneecap? Soooooooo Oh look it’s Amy ruining every fucking thing again I GASPED OUT LOUD DURING THIS CURTIS FIGHT poor dude BITCH BILLY LIED TO YOU HES NOT GOING TO GET THE PAPERWORK dammit nevermind he did. Shit. Are you really planning on running off with this bitch, Billy Russo ?! The fuck?! Well Curtis is still alive Oh and frank kidnapped someone, ok cool Billy can’t just fucking let frank go, right? Like............. Back to the Russians again. It’s his dad, Frank. Let me save you some trouble. I believe him. I think he really didn’t know that anything was being done. An honest senator?!? I thought that buckshot was pomegranate seeds for a minute Are you actually going to shoot him, Amy? Madani is at Krista’s door - calling it BINGO Is Krista going to fucking hit madani with this teapot? Billy is buying her flowers?! Madani playing Krista... this I like. I hope billy walks in this goddamn door SHE FOUND THE JOURNAL. She KNOWS HOLY SHIT SHE STABBED HER WITH SCISSORS Battle of Billy’s Bitches OH MY GOD HOLY FUCK MADANI PUSHED HER OUT A FUCKING WINDOW Billy had something taken away from him yet again. This is.... not going to end well. He’s gonna think it was frank. FUCK. WOW HOLY FUCK.

13: The Whirlwind Billy, as assumed is not happy. “You had to make it about her” uh, yeah.... it’s always been about that fucking psychopath therapist That’s not the end of Billy Russo.  it cant be. FaceTime With Frank™️ Bitch that is CLEARLY a threat Amy’s room service? Except she’s hiding around the corner This kid’s name is LEMMUEL?!!? “He came after me” BITCH YOU THREW HIS GIRLFRIEND OUT A WINDOW OF COURSE HE CAME FOR YOU holy crap, madani’s done?!? WRONG ROOM FRANK Putting lots of holes in the wall and OH HELLO FRANK IS GOING RIGHT THROUGH IT Shit look at Amy again screwing everything up Frank has bad luck with elevators in hotels He fights best when he is cornered Omg billy getting operated on by a drunk... Jesus. .... If he dies on this operating table .... NO ANESTHESIA JESUS CHRIST BILLY so much goddamn pain .... GET THE FUCKING BULLETS OUT DOCTOR DRUNKARD. COME THE FUCK ON. HES NOT DEAD They sure did, David. Oh my god. This doctor threw him in a fucking dumpster Fuck fuck fuck fuck Amy trying to talk sense into John.... ok, sure Jan. PEOPLE NEVER CHANGE Who are you meeting Brett? Oh. Curtis and David. Doing the right thing could have fucked over Frank, Curtis. THINK ABOUT THAT. He played the family card. Fuck off John Pilgrim. If i had a dollar for every time frank told someone to point a weapon at him.... OUCH, Frank’s face. Aaaand there it goes through some glass and chains.... Jesus These two men can barely stand WHERE THE FUCK IS BILLY frank’s got a giant pipe . Didn’t Daredevil wrap chains around his arm too? THIS IS EMBARRASSING FRANK GET IT TOGETHER there you go, with the oxygen tank Asking for leniency for his kids with his last breath... damn “You’re the whirlwind” FUCKING CURTIS IS BILLY IN YOUR ROOM AGAIN no. Fucking Billy. Oh lord. GO BE WITH HIM CURTIS JESUS PLEASE “I don’t want to die alone” Dinah and Krista again.... FML You don’t love him, girl, i promise And he’s not coming from you FRANK . . . . . Fucking hell. Jesus. No redemption. He died alone and scared and sad and in pain. Fucking hell. .... keep the lies going Curtis and Madani. End of story. Bye Eliza. BYEEEEEE. WAIT WHAT HE LET PILGRIM LIVE?!? Well, i guess it’s nice that Frank has something to care about. Too bad I feel nothing for Amy. Still. What the fuck do you want Madani? She’s with the CIA now?!!? LAST FUCKING SCENE. Daaaaaaamn.

[dragon-age-companions-speak]

Heyo! Found this delightful little page surfing for more DA content (again; thanks trailer) and thought I'd try an ask! Could I request reactions of all the DA:I companions to an Inquisitor that has been nothing but focused and serious about the whole thing just suddenly finding the cutest random object (like an abandoned music box) and going completely fan girl/boy over it for a few moments before remembering they're not alone? Thank you much and looking forward to your work!

Sent in by @bottastic0201 !!

((Oof, I deviated a bit from the ask, hope you don't mind! Also didn't include Blackwall cause I don't know his character to well yet as I never really had him as part of my party. Not to fear, he will be added later on!))

Cassandra: After the demon fight at the Temple of Sacred Ashes, Cassandra always had a certain respect for the Inquisitor, despite their poor first impressions. They took the Inquisition's cause very seriously, and were focused on closing the Breach perhaps even more so than she was. Of course, that didn’t stop the Seeker from at least chuckling at the sight of the Inquisitor fawning over a fancy little elven music box they found when exploring Skyhold, tucked away in some corner long covered in dust. They were exploring the lover levels of the grand fortress together, though Cassandra guessed they forgot she was even there whenever they spotted the little thing. It was made out of a black, sleek wood, and covered in carvings of wolves and halla with golden accents for the wolves’ eyes and the halla’s horns. Cassandra cleared her throat, arms crossed over her chest and a light smile playing at her lips. “Found something you like, Inquisitor?” The blush that crept onto their face was worth the little tease, and she had to promise them not to tell any of the others. If this little scene did manage to make it into one of Varric’s new books, she certainly wasn’t the one who told him.

Varric: Varric had to say that, in his time of both writing and following heroes, the Inquisitor was probably the most… Efficient one the dwarf had encountered. Sure, being driven to save the world from becoming ass deep in demons and corrupted with red lyrium was certainly commendable, though he did find himself missing Hawke’s snarky comebacks and sassy remarks. The Inquisitor was a serious leader, and didn’t usually humor his, well, humor. However, whenever the two stumbled across a little gold and white painted music box in a random part of the ass end of nowhere and the Inquisitor let out a little squeal at the sight, the dwarf couldn’t help but laugh. “Really, Stiffy? That’s what cracks you? A music box?” His gruff voice reminded the Inquisitor of his presence, and the blush of embarrassment that followed just made the dwarf grin. When they asked him to keep this little scene out of his book, all they got in return was a wider grin and a wink.

Solas: Before this little incident, Solas had a pretty neutral opinion of the Inquisitor. They were focused and did their assigned role well, and he couldn’t complain much about their serious demeanor. To be the Inquisitor was a hard task, and he understood what they had to carry on their shoulders and the face they had to put on for nobles and pretty courts. After all, he had the same weight on his shoulders, as well as a face of his own. Unlike a few of the more boisterous companions the Inquisitor has taken under their metaphorical wing, Solas doesn't interrupt them whenever they spot a charming little Dalish themed music box while combing through the Exalted Plains. He watches them fawn over the little wooden thing, running their fingers over the raven and bear carvings all over its surface. They pouted slightly once they realized the small box no longer played music, the handle broken and the gears inside probably long since rusted, and placed the pretty thing into their bag. “Shall we move on then, Inquisitor?”If this is after his personal quest ‘All New, Faded for Her’, and they tried to help his corrupted friend, the Inquisitor will find a new music box on the desk in their quarters. It is covered with delicate little designs of wolves and elves, obviously drawn by Solas’ hand, and when it’s golden handle is turned it plays a lovely tune that the Inquisitor is humming for days afterwards.

Sera: First impressions of the Inquisitor? A stuck up nob with too many sticks up their back-end mouth. They’re not fun to joke with, absolutely no help in pranking, and don’t appreciate a good bee nest inside of a training dummy. Sure, being serious was good and all, and being focused on what you want to do is fine, though Sera finds herself a little aggravated with them after a short time. Unlike most of the others, she was not exploring with the Inquisitor when she spotted them gushing over some slightly beat up doll in the middle of Redcliffe, though she was planning on pranking them with a good pie. However, whenever she spotted them holding the doll with the cheesiest smile on their face, cradling the small thing against their chest, Sera almost couldn’t handle it. She almost fell off of the roof she was spying on them from because of laughing so hard, which, or course, startled the Inquisitor to no end, and instead of being embarrassed they were almost terrified at the quirky elf’s barking laughter. “A doll?! You’re just putting me on, right? It’s a doll and you’re smiling at it like it’s just watered your damn crops!” Sera spoke in between laughing, and in the end, her pie ended up ruined all over the roof as she jumped down to the Inquisitor’s level. It becomes a constant thing she teases the Inquisitor about, and it’s not long before the rest of the Inner Circle knows.

Dorian: Dorian is not an unreasonable man. All he wants is a nice glass of wine in the morning, some decent fucking literature, and an Inquisitor who at least humors his jester personality just a tad more than the current one does. They dismiss any of his playful flirting and sarcastic comments, and suddenly that one glass of wine turns into two. It’s not that he minds them being extremely driven- Far from it, actually, though he wished that their devotion also came with a little sense of humor. So one can imagine how unimaginably pleased the ‘Vint was whenever they came across a pretty little mabari figurine at the Winter Palace. They were supposed to be looking for some halla statues or something to open a door in their way, and instead, found a golden painted dog in one of the guest rooms. While Dorian thought it would be more fitting to find in Ferelden, the Inquisitor was overly pleased to have found it at all. The dog had a golden chain attached to it, and it wasn’t long before it was around the Inquisitor’s neck and they were standing in front of the best mirror they could find to see how it looked. “I personally think drakestone would suit you better. Really brings out your eyes.”Dorian spoke casually as he stepped behind the Inquisitor, looking at their reflection in the mirror as they nearly screamed at his. The flushed look on their face and wide eyes were more than enough of a reward for his teasing, and he spent a lot of their time left at the Palace making similar comments.

Vivienne: Similar to Solas, Vivienne’s initial reaction to the Inquisitor was pretty neutral. They were serious in the work that they did and driven to rid the world of this nightmare, so she had a certain respect for them for taking the role as leader of the Inquisition in stride. She didn’t have a problem with their serious demeanor, and it made speaking to them much more tolerable than speaking to someone like Cole or Sera, who were either too cryptic or too aggravating to understand. Whenever they did find a little pretty trinket and the Inquisitor all but gushed over it, she found it almost charming. A powerful, grand person of power absolutely fawning over a wooden doll was almost unbelievable, yet here they were. They were shopping in Val Royeaux when the Inquisitor spotted the doll, and Vivienne felt a little pity for them. After all, the Inquisition’s money was always tight, and a doll was seemingly worthless in the grand scheme of their cause. With a gentle sigh, Vivienne stepped forwards and bought the wooden thing with her own money, which rewarded her with another smile from the Inquisitor. “No need to thank me, my dear. Do keep that out of Sera’s reach, though. I fear she may end up breaking it.”While it was nice to have a devoted leader, they still needed their reasons to smile. Vivienne was many things, and cruel wasn’t one of them. Bluntly honest? Maybe. But never cruel.

Iron Bull: Having a serious leader such as the Inquisitor was somewhat of a change for The Iron Bull. Having been with his boys for so long took away a lot of the seriousness from his own personality, so it was a bit of a difficult transition. They didn’t seem to care for his beautifully crafted puns and endearing nicknames, and was nothing but straight to the point when invited to drink with him and his boys. Bull understood that certain jobs needed to be taken with a certain amount of committedness, though it was a bit of a damper whenever they didn’t respond to a joke or laugh at his foolish nicknames. So, whenever his favorite ‘Vint and lieutenant Krem made a stuffed nug for the Inquisitor to hopefully lighten their mood, Bull was the one to volunteer to give it to them. He brought it to them right after him and the Inquisitor slayed their first dragon together as a ‘congratulations’ for the kill. They eyed the nug carefully before taking it away from Bull, giving him a curt ‘Thank you’ before closing the door to their quarters. He was a little disappointed with their reaction, as he knew Krem would be, though before he left he heard the most suspicious of noises from inside of the Inquisitor’s room. He grinned as he realized the Inquisitor was squealing over their gift, and he swore he could hear them speaking to the stuffed nug as well. “I’ll tell Krem you liked his gift!”Bull called through the door, and the sudden silence was enough to make him laugh. He brought the good news to his boys (And Varric), and they drank over a good kill and finally being able to know what makes the Inquisitor tick.

Cole: Cole didn’t know what to think of the Inquisitor at first. They were bright- Even without the mark they were bright and blinding and good. He didn’t really understand why Sera and some of the others got aggravated at them whenever they were so devoted to sealing the Breach and helping people. He knew they didn’t laugh as much as the others did, but it was only because they didn’t know when to laugh.She grins, a joke meant to be laughed at and shared, but they don’t. An odd look, then embarrassed, but it’s too late to do what they were meant to do, and the joke is ruined.It brings him joy when they find the music box Solas left for them because it makes them happy. It sings a song belonging to skulls and paints a story they don’t know, but they still love it.Winding, winding until it’s wound and sings. It’s so like him, so strange yet so harmonious, like a wolf howling to the sun. How long did it take him? Days, weeks? So pretty yet so tedious- Have to thank him later. Cole doesn’t interrupt them, and instead, watches passively as they hold the box in their lap and hum along to it, the stress of their day melting as the music plays.

[dornishsphinx]

Steps on the Bifrost

Merry Nagamas @andthenalittledash--here’s your @nagamas gift! Can I just say—thank you so much for mentioning you like Laslow/Azura, because it is one of my favourite Fates ships and you gave me the excuse to finally sit down and write about them! (This also got a lot longer than I expected it to, haha.) 

[AO3 Link]

The Nohrian army advances along the path to a hollow victory, and even those who know there is a greater enemy left unchallenged cannot help but by swept along by the tides of war, and the circumstances chosen for them. 

Anankos had barely stopped toying with Takumi’s shell when she fled the throne room, great slashes of sapphire already beginning to rip their way up her arms and crawl their way across her face. She should have realised that her beloved would follow her, but some part of her, deep and cold and chosen second too many times before, had presumed he’d stay at his lord’s side. It would have been a cruel parting to be sure, but no matter the hours she’d agonised over the comfort or kiss she might have given him, she still had not the words to say goodbye. 

Even so, it was his arms she found herself in when she toppled over, exhausted; a mockery of a dip, like this was just another evening of dance practice. His clothes soaked through where her body touched his, and when she peered up at him through eyes half-shut in pain, she saw that his face was horror-struck.

“Hey. Smile for me, won’t you?” she asked, before he could demand an explanation. Her own smile was bright as she could make it. “That’s what you always ask of me, isn’t it?”

His face was still desperate as he balanced her with one arm and started rummaging through his pockets like his life depended on it. Medicines were useless in the case of curses, as she’d been told when she was a child and had asked why she couldn’t let the water dance in a constant rhythm, but Azura couldn’t find the energy within her to make him stop, nor the heart.

“Smile for me. Please,” she said, with gentle insistence.

Inigo smiled, though his eyes were glimmering and it was clearly forced. A lot of his smiles were, and she mourned that she wouldn’t see a real one before it was all over, but it was better than nothing.

“That’s right. Lovely.”

***

“Did you ever think about what you’d name your children?”

The copse of trees muffled the sounds of camp around them, creating the illusion they were, if not alone, cut off from everyone else. Laslow paused, still bent over with the laces of his dancing slipper only half-tied.

“I never really considered such a thing,” he said. He finished the knot, flexed his feet, and, satisfied, straightened back up. “Though I suppose…”

He considered, for a long moment.

“Soleil.”

“Soleil?” The name was unfamiliar to her. “It’s pretty, but why that name?”

Laslow stood. He moved his right foot behind him and let his whole body lean back onto it, stretching his arms out to the sides and up, in a wide, circular arc. His hands, palms upwards, halted level with his head.

“The soleil is a movement from a certain school of dance back home.” He remained in the position for a moment longer before letting his arms drop and stepping back into a normal stance. “It symbolises being bathed in sunlight, or just the sun in general. I’ve always liked it.”  

Back home, again, with no name. The urge to ask him where his home was grabbed at her yet again, stronger this time, but she stopped herself. He couldn’t tell her about this mysterious back home, just as she couldn’t tell him about Valla, be it of old or be it of the ruin beneath their feet.

“It’s always a pleasure to see the sun rise again, after all. How about you?”

Azura ignored all the old family names that occurred to her and chose another: “Shigure.” It had always struck her as a good name.

“Shigure?”

She smiled. “A light shower of rain.”

“My, it seems we truly are fated. What do you say to Rainbow for our third?”

Even as she joined him in laughter, she couldn’t help but recall that there was a Vallite name that would have been perfect for such a theme: Iris, after one of Valla’s first queens.

“What’s with the sudden curiosity?” he asked. “Interested in starting a family?”

She sent him a coy smile. Laslow’s cheeks burnt red and he averted his gaze, but then a wistful look came over him.

“You know,” he said, voice melancholy, “I lost my true family when I was a child. I was able to find something resembling it, but it’s not the same.” His face, if still a little embarrassed, was soft when he looked back over at her. “It would be nice, to create one together.”

She considered telling him she’d lost her family too, but given that he was retainer to a man who called himself her brother, that path would have led to nothing but more questions she couldn’t answer.

“I never really felt as though I belonged with the Nohrians, nor the Hoshidans,” she said instead. It was a poor substitute, but true enough, in its own way. “Not like Corrin does. Having a family together would be nice, I think.”

Laslow smiled; she couldn’t help returning it. It fell off his face, though, and an odd expression replaced it.

“Did I ever tell you that I come from somewhere far away? Very far.” He hesitated, clearly formulating what he was going to say next carefully. “If I were to go back, I would never be able to return. Would you—would you want to go with me?”

It was an unexpected question; the surprise must have shown on her face, because his blush spread even further over his cheeks and he stammered as he quickly rushed to explain himself.

“You don’t have to, of course—it’s just that, since you told me you don’t really feel like you fit in Nohr and Hoshido, perhaps we could make a fresh start? You, me, however many Soleils or Shigures or Rainbows we’ll have. We could visit my parents—my other parents—they’d be there too, and I’m so sure you’d like them.”

The look on his face was so tentative that her heart ached. For a moment, she fantasised about what it could have been like in a world where she might have made the same offer—offered even more than he could. But becoming royalty of Valla, that ruin with little chance of restoration, was more a curse than anything else now.

The wind rippled through the trees.

“That sounds lovely,” she said.

Laslow breathed out beside her, but before he could speak again she started to hum an old Vallite tune all the talk of the weather had reminded her of; it had once been a thanksgiving to Anankos, so she skipped over the verses of praise and onto how the dragon’s tears had first met with the fires of creation to forge the first bridge to the world above. (The existence of Valla was implicit, something so fundamentally understood mentioning it by name was unnecessary; it was just here.)

Laslow began to sway with the rhythm, and a few bars in, he began to dance.

***

Azura had never been close to her Nohrian family, in the literal as well as metaphorical sense. As the campaign wore on, however, that which Azura had always believed, but hoped was inaccurate—that the Hoshidans had little regard for her either—became a certainty. Kindness, likely performed on Queen Mikoto’s behalf and out of some sense of charity, was not closeness. It helped to think that way anyway, now that she was fighting on the side that had killed Takumi and were likely to slay the others too.

Still, if there had been a distance with Queen Mikoto’s own children, the average Hoshidan soldier cared even less for her wellbeing; she was nothing but another Nohrian now that Corrin had defected, as had been made clear to her when they’d torn her from the castle at Shirasagi and tried leaving her corpse at Fort Dragonfall as a message. (They were the same in theory, the two of them, hostages to the light and the dark, but it was always going to be Corrin’s choices that mattered, not hers.)

The lance fighters bearing down on her, venom in their eyes and curses on their lips, were not the first Hoshidans to try and rip her apart, but it was looking more and more certain they’d be the last. She considered, briefly, sapping their will to fight through song. There may have been no time left to stop the momentum of their thrusts, even if she were to relax their hearts enough to stop beating, and it might have been yet another waste of the pendant’s power, but still, even knowing it was of no use, she curled around herself and the stone on her chest, and would have begun to sing—

But there was a thicket, now. She looked on in confusion, slowly unfolding out of her defensive stance. The branches twisted around the soldiers like tentacles of some great octopus. They shouted and struggled as it devoured them, tangled in the thorns.

“They’re going to get out,” said Laslow, behind her. She turned. His hands were rooted in the earth and his voice was urgent and low. “It won’t hold them much longer.”

She stared at him; she couldn’t help it. His eyes were downcast, his hands and body trembling, as though he was unused to using the veins. It had truly been a secret then, from everybody, not just from her.

She turned, in a daze, and with a swipe of her lance, the skirmish was over. (Corrin would likely not approve, but Corrin didn’t know what it was Jakob did in the aftermath of battle, nor that Laslow had the dragon’s blood, nor the true depth of Xander’s emotions, nor the woman her mother had truly been. This would be one thread of a wide web of secrets and lies and deceptions; nothing, really.)

Laslow gasped and let go. The thicket receded, slowly and at an ambling pace, like it was an animal that had lost interest in the humans playing with it. She moved to kneel beside him, the movement half a stumble in the rush to get over to him. She snatched up his right hand with her own red-stained ones. There was dirt under his fingernails—he hadn’t taken care when he’d plunged them into the ground, it seemed—and even now, his arms were shaking. He gently touched her face with his other hand, its faint tremors all the more obvious when they were against her skin. Their eyes met for a long moment.

“They were going to kill you,” he said, the response to an unasked question.

They looked at one another for a moment longer before she kissed him, fleeting but without haste, and left the matter at that, helping one another to their feet and moving onward to the rest of the enemies they’d been tasked with eliminating. She wasn’t one to pry. She’d have been the worst kind of hypocrite if she was.

Still, when the battle was done, after they’d both remained silent on the subject of Hoshidan combatants found dead with deep scratches all over their corpses and they lay tangled together themselves, Laslow asleep, she lay awake with thoughts darting around her head like shoals of fish, this way and that. Her eyes idly tracked the veins which ran blue down his wrists and into his freshly-scrubbed hands.

A dozen thoughts had occurred to her, though only one had stayed lodged in her mind all this time; the first, in fact, that had sprung to mind when she’d seen his hands buried in the soil.

He’d once told her that he wasn’t supposed to exist in her world, though he couldn’t tell her why he came to be there, or how. She’d told him she understood, and she indeed had done, since she was under a similar obligation.

Maybe—

She touched his wrist lightly, just over the blue veins, and felt him come awake.

***

Once, when she had been the most wretched child among dozens of wretched children imprisoned within the circular walls of the royal keep at Windmire, Azura had experienced the most curious dream. Figures dressed in Vallite robes of the purest white had crowded around her in a version of Valla that no longer existed, each and every one vowing, with all the zeal of a holy mission, to ensure her happiness. They had enveloped her with such kindness and good cheer that when she awoke, her chest had felt light for the first time in months.

Beneath the open sky in a world at war, it had been a surprise to experience the dream once again: she was older now, after all, and had thought herself to have shrugged off the childish need for false comfort. The old figures had appeared before her tiny form once more—she’d still been a child in this new dream; it had felt natural in the way everything in dreams comes naturally—and a man, young and handsome, had kissed her on the forehead and promised a lifetime of smiles before sweeping her into one of the dances she’d been taught before the devastation, the traditional choral accompaniment that could not possibly exist in a reality where there were barely enough uncorrupted Vallites to form a duet soaring so clear and strong that her dream-self knew they could hear it in the world above.

What she had shivered at in daylight, even as it had felt natural in the dream in the way everything in dreams feels natural, was that the figures surrounding them were as distant and illusory as the soldiers that haunted Valla’s remnants, and the song to which they’d danced had included those verses she had suppressed in her memory, praise of the great Anankos echoing all around them over and over and over.

***

“I’ve taken stranger leaps of faith,” was Laslow’s only response.

She held his hand in her own, her fingers entwined with his. The water was hers to command, for however much longer she had; it would have taken and protected Laslow quite ably had she asked it, but she knew her touch would soothe any fears of drowning he might have had.

She pulled them through the water easily. At first, they were boneless as turtles gliding along a jet stream, but then she pulled them through faster, and faster, until they were darting down and down with such speed and grace that she imagined a current in their wake.

When they emerged the other end, falling out of the water in the same manner one might have fallen into it in the world above, she took Laslow into her arms and stayed with him in the air for a few breaths longer than necessary; a moment of self-indulgence, the water holding them up there to hover with all the rubble of Valla like a pair of courting dragonflies. She then let the water slowly start to disperse, the two of them floating down to the ground as a bubble does, landing elegantly together on their feet.

It was an unnecessary use of the pendant’s power, of course. Still, she’d used it so many times now, for Nohr and for Hoshido and for Corrin; if it was too late for her to aid in the fight against Anankos, if that fight would ever come, what was a moment of unleashing the pendant’s magic for herself, to will the water to dance around them and see how it would turn her beloved’s face into something akin to a dazed mortal gazing upon her like an oceanic goddess, a creature of power and majesty?

Besides, those priestesses who’d lectured her about restraint were all dead, Anankos’ puppets, or both. What did they know?

“You make the water dance almost as beautifully as you,” said Laslow. There was a slight stagger to his movements, and he leant back against one of the few pieces of stonework still anchored to the ground.

“None dance as finely as you but the water, love,” she said, smile transforming into a full grin, the ecstasy of the power and the water obeying her making her feel buoyant. “I just thought to give you a suitable accompaniment.”

“So, you were the Nestrian dancer, then,” he said. “I thought it might be. The way she moved, the steps she used, they were too familiar.”

“You’re not going to turn me in for the assassination attempt of our king, then?”

Perhaps it was the power still coursing through her, or perhaps it was because she knew Laslow, and knew who he’d pick between that dastard and herself, but she stared at him, unflinching.

“It was dangerous. If they’d found you—”

“Nobody guessed it was me,” she said. “None but you have the same eye for footwork, it seems. Not even my hair gave the game away. I did consider a wig, but there was no time to find one, and I thought it would be fine as is.”

Gods, but it felt good to talk without second-guessing every word.

Laslow still looked concerned, so she changed topic. “This is Valla,” she said to someone else for the first time in years. “This is my home. This is where I grew up. This is the kingdom Anankos destroyed.”

“So, you are a Vallite, after all. That’s why you’ve not been able to talk freely.”

“Is it why you haven’t been able to talk freely?”

Laslow hesitated before nodding. “Yes. I’ve known of it for years, though I’m not a Vallite myself.” A wave of disappointment hit Azura, but she weathered it. Laslow was still hers, no matter from whence he came. Besides, that he knew of Valla at all, that they’d shared this knowledge and curse together, was more than she could have ever hoped.

“How can you use dragon veins?”

She would have begged the gods he’d not mention Anankos’ name, but she’d never taken any god but the Silent Dragon, and he was now the enemy.

“Anankos gave us his blood.”

Rage bit into her heart. So, he was with Anankos. After all that had happened, after knowing she would never face him herself and make him answer for what he’d done, he’d managed to steal something else; her family, her home, and her lover, all warped.

“Anankos,” she said. It came out in a hiss, the sibilance continuing on a moment too long, serpentine.

Laslow reached out to touch her, but stopped short when she straightened and fixed him with a righteous glare.

“Anankos killed my father, you know. They were friends, once, but then he went mad and killed him. He turned the Vallites into these things. He turned Valla into this. And still, you’ve taken his side?” She thrust an arm out; the water moved with her. “You’ve taken his side?”

Laslow wouldn’t meet her eyes, no matter how she tried to capture them.

“My mother and father were killed by a dragon too,” he said. His voice was slow, and quiet. “He wasn’t mad, I don’t think, but I don’t know why else he did what he did. He ravaged the land, killed everyone he came across. He killed my mother and father, though they were friends with him once as well, or at least with the man he was. The greatest of friends. Anankos gave them the graves we couldn’t. And he let the flowers grow in that world once again.”

One tear, then another rolled down Laslow’s cheeks. Azura thought about wiping them away, but before she could move, he’d already dashed them away himself.

“It’s not the mad dragon we’re working for,” he said, voice steadier now. He finally met her gaze. “It was the remnants of his sanity we met. He gave us his blood, and we were to find and protect his daughter in Hoshido, though in the end, she’d been taken to Nohr.”

He paused.

“And we never found…”

He stopped.

“You found her,” said Azura. Somehow, she couldn’t bring herself to be surprised.

Her anger had subsided, somewhat, his tears and tale of woe dampening it into faintly-crackling embers, but years of bitter resentment and enmity for all those who would traffic with the god who had made her an exile were hard to wash away. She lapsed into silence, and stared out across the lake.

“There’s something you should know, if you hate Anankos so,” said Laslow. “Laslow is the name he gave me; it was something of an entry fee into this world.”

“Then what is your true name?”

“Inigo,” he said. He almost seemed shy, a faint blush coming over his features. Inigo. Somehow it fit him far more nicely than Laslow ever had.

“Inigo,” she said, trying it out on her tongue. “Inigo. A lovely name.”

Inigo smiled, but then a shadow crossed over his face. “There’s a way to get down here,” he said. “If we could bring Prince Xander here, perhaps we could stop the war.”

“There’s no stopping the war.”

“Xander is a reasonable man. If we can just tell him about Anankos—”  

Tell them. Tell those under whose tender care she’d been left alone to rot in the dark, tormented, where if the Hoshidans hadn’t stolen her away, she would have met her death at another child’s blade, or by poison in a chalice; tell those for whom she was now trapped into fighting by Corrin’s decision (for Azura, who had lived her life among oaths and silent curses and prisons, had never been able to make a decision that mattered in her life.)

“It matters little if he’s reasonable,” she said. “Prince Takumi is dead. Queen Mikoto and King Sumeragi are dead. Nohrians are nothing but cutthroats and reprobates to the Hoshidans after all that has passed, and they’re far too stubborn to clasp hands with a nation of scoundrels, no matter who their common enemy might be. Garon would have Xander executed the moment he stepped out of line anyway. It’s too late. It’s too late.”

“Are you sure?” he asked.

Azura felt the cold bite of the pendant’s chain against her skin, and the faint but ever-present power that coursed through its core. No. No, I’m not.

“In my experience,” he said, a hard-won certainty on his face, “There’s always just a little more time left than you think.”

***

She closed her eyes, before feeling something smooth and round placed in her palm. She opened her eyes again, frowning. It was a small sphere, colours dancing around it like there was a rainbow trapped within.  

“The mad dragon’s host sacrificed himself,” Inigo said, his voice weak and hold uncertain, like he wasn’t quite sure if he needed to stop her bursting or flying away. If he didn’t dry off soon, she noted vaguely, somewhere in the back of her mind, he’d catch a cold. “No matter how Father begged him not to. And still he got to come back. My parents ought to have died, and still they got live. There are worlds where fates can be averted. There are worlds where Anan—”

He gasped in pain as a sombre cheer rose in the distance, the Nohrians acknowledging their hollow victory. She felt his fingertips begin to drip where they rested upon her skin. Alarm shot through her and she scrabbled for his fingers—now that he’d shut up about the Silent Dragon, they were fine, though the tips of his fingers were gone along with part of his nails, down past the quick, water dripping from them like a mockery of blood.

“Please,” said Inigo. He whispered short pleas into her shoulder, abandoning all argument in favour of begging. Even without looking at his face she knew he looked wretched, his shoulders slumped and tears already starting to streak down his cheeks.

She touched the orb, weakly. Its aura was strong, but secure and protective, like the stories of the kindly god upon which she’d been raised. She traced its surface with a finger, watching the tracks of water left behind, then curled her hand around it.

“Laslow?” came Prince Xander’s voice. She raised her head and saw him walk through the door, a few more furrows in his brow and concern lurking beneath his usual stern expression. “Are you with—”

The last thing Azura ever witnessed of either the world above or below was Xander’s eyes landing on the pair of them and widening, everything warping and spasming as the two last hopes for the worlds above and below disappeared from his life as suddenly as they had entered it.

[yuissamidare]

@codes i think i may have put this on my artblog but... Here

i guess ill start w ichi bc i always forget about him somehow like i always come up short when im making lists and im like 'oh wait shit yeah that guy’ bc im stupid n i only think of fishing trio + choro. I’m an Idiot. idk i never thought too hard on ichi bc i so rarely think about him but he looks so high its really funny i said this on main but he looks like my friend when he decided to try a weed gummy bear then started babbling about hentai then watched to watch porn with me but got mad all the intro scenes are a billion years long and started ranting about the industry but now that i think about it he looks like someone who used to send me weird shit when he was high like bad pick up lines about body parts i wish i didnt have

and thats so funny that its Ichimatsu who looks like that but also proof that hes high. but anyway!! hes really cute and im mad hes boutta ruin my reputation for my complete and utter lack of care and interest in him no matter what im mad. my friend gwyn said 'Sp lubing us up for the fuckening that is the reason why Ichi is sad in present day’ im really curious at the change like if hes trying a fake it till you make it type thing bc really emotionally exhausted or if hes just genuinely having a good time or hes puttin on a front since like. nails who stand get hammered down right??? just gotta do your best n Never Relax n i can relate to all that. but uhhh old hcs i guess

in kun ichi was the most serious! really smart but just as bad w school as the rest of them apparently but!! yeah so id think that!! ichis that guy who participates in class discussion constantly and is always willing to debate the readings, but turns in sloppy papers with typos and no a coherency or stucture or anything. he’s A+ in participation but has an average of 60% on most of the written assignments with points knocked bc of lateness then more bc its A Mess. you could ask about the prompts for one of his papers, he could babble about his position on it complete with paragraphs and footnotes but like the day before its due hes playing rpgs and watching horror movies.

his classmates think hes so smart n so intimidating. the family knows hes a hot mess. the teachers tell him he has a lot of potential but they don’t think hes applying himself. all are right. also he doesnt cheat or let people cheat off of him since hes always been about rules and boundaries and Rightness n he n jyushi were the only ones who Minded Themselves in kun

uhh jyushi!! let me talk about schoolwork again bc yeah i love jyushi so so so so much and thinking of him in a school environment is so weird i thought about it a lot n i thought about it him in kun n san and Woah!! i really really love delinquent jyushi, bc when i saw that i was like 'huh! that fits actually!!’ i love that like him and choro flip flopped completely from what i thought. his school must be so cold theyre too cheap to afford heating in the winter and in summer the acs Blast. he was so Shy and quiet and he cried and he liked to sing so i always thought that when he participated in chorus festivals hes always like right in front!! he hums a lot in class and also moves around alot bc he actually like school and people like primary trio are the types that make friends often. i wasnt supposed to talk about this yet whoops.

unlike ichi who relatively neat despite everything but has shit notes, jyushis notes are amazing and understandable and utterly illegible.

theyre covered in doodles, arrows and lines leading every which way, different colors but not like color coded n theyre not in order by date, but he opens to a random page every time yet somehow always seems to know where to find each lesson. he writes footnotes and caveats and corrections and criticisms of the teachers and random thoughts and just smears ink everywhere. sometimes his notes are on a completely different subject. the notebook itself is a horrifying mess, the front and back covers both covered in drawings and designs and falling apart, random papers shoved between the pages, coming apart at the seams, covered in stains of unknown origin. assignments are full of emoticons and informal language, and they always manage to make his teachers feel like hes smarter than they are (most likely). he does his projects the minute theyre assigned, and is finished a minute later so can talk to his friends. he loved school.

sophie told me once about how she thought was Like That was bc one of his main concerns is that he thought he had nothing that made him Jyushi n in kun she said he might have been the one who was the most concerned about having a distinctive personality and i talked about how that sorta carried over san and how he always blended in bc of how gentle and soft and push-overy he was. he was actually the and most gullible and weakest in kun so i was like :0 when i saw that and intentionally did stuff like only carry 14 yen in his pockets to be quirky but it always sorta fell flat and he was still invisible so i was like hmmmmm. and i can see how he couldve toughened up and thinking of this now!! i love that. oh im so happy. this is so much better than i ever couldve imagined ever.

totty…. i do not think he was very popular or good at school. i think he’s very decent at schoolwork but he never put much effort into it. just copies whats on the board but if the class runs out of allotted lesson time n he couldnt finish his work he just didnt do it like cram schools a pain in the ass. if he put effort hed be a star student but he just craps out whatever since hes was the laziest!! oh but something i noticed was that him and jyushi would play together often since sometime he felt overwhelmed by karamatsu a lot. also hes the money thief and scammer its great kun todo is so good. he gets shy and flustered easy too!!

but uhh yeah!! depending on the day im always like 'zaimoku love each other so much they are best friends and the perfect other halves!!’ then im like 'these mofos hate each other what the fuck is this trainwreck’ did you see their shitty small talk in the horse episode. what was that. like they are genuinely trying to communicate and are pretty easy with each other but they have nothing to say. its like when youre having a boring day at school and theres nothing to talk about with an acquaintance so you just look at the walls and go 'have you ever noticed how stupid these posters are’ then you both start reading posters aloud but you both know its not that funny and youre just doing it to waste time but you still enjoy their company you just dont want silence. thats their relationship. and i think they are just very similar in very different ways and like. the key things that make them both similar and different and the same fuck them up (like suiriku!! theyre both really similar even if it doesn’t seem like it at first which is why their compatibility in the relationship chart was so low in s1, but i saw a lot of improvement in both of their behaviours and their communication and honestly. s2 was worth it for that sophie was so happy to see her faves get along) like sometimes when you look in the mirror all the things you see are the things you dont like about yourself instead of what makes you wonderful and unique. also i didnt mean to talk about this but i guess i am.

but yeah. totty is bitter n resentful at kara during hs n karas more confused and upset at tottys behaviour in their twenties n thats bc like i said. theyre dumb. karamatsu!! i think was actually pretty popular in highschool n had a good amount of friends - i genuinely think theatre kids are well liked bc i literally know everyone in my department and im friends w a good amount of people and im not even That extroverted. my actual extrovert friends know everyone in the school by name and everyone in my department is so nice even though theres a lot of bitchiness and drama its not as bad as w other humanities studies (jesus christ humanity students outside of theatre are a hot mess.)

uh yeah n that ultimately makes totty feel a bit… betrayed? karamatsu is his partner! theyre supposed to be there for eachother! kara’s the first one to branch out, get friends etc etc and todomatsus left behind bc hes always the one playimg follow the leader and he breaks out of that once they graduate - he grows up resenting karamatsu slightly though he still cares. but this time Hes the one cancelling plans to hang out with friends instead. my friend katie put it best when, in response to me telling them this, they sent me:

'kara: totty you have so many friends now. We barely see you anymore.

totty, applying chapstick: well, I learned it from the best.’

when i told them about it. but at the time gwyn and i were babbling about possibilities and different storylines and how theres a possiblity the movie might break down into three manageable plotlines n she gave zaimoku 'popularity’ and this was me throwing out ideas but honestly. Good. (aha, the end of this scenario ended up with todo throwing hands and shoulder checking someone outside a window and then getting removed from the premise n hanging with atsushi all night after) why am i on this. shit what happened here.

uhh but yeah totty is Def someone with learned behaviours rather than being a natural extrovert honestly just look at him hes an introverted mess masquerading as a decent human being and i know full well how people like that are bc some of them have been my best friends for years n seein the new hs promos solidifies that fact bc look at him. Crybaby. He is Miniscule. A Child.

then its 'delinquent who looks like an honour student’ choro. i never studied him until sophie started liking choro n since i love sophie i wanted to take an interest in him too. n i started to think very hard about him! then gwyn planted this in me n its taken root and im just never not gonna think its great. yall see his shitty gokudo impression what a bossy lil shit. he pulled a whip on kara once and it was mad funny but also Gwyns Big Evidence for him just being the absolute worst not like a casually skips class type but a Choro was a legit a bully and really mean n sabatoged other classmates to make him look like he was 100% That Bitch. maybe not him being Mean and cruel but just an asshole who bums around, is something i really like that one a lot its been one of my faves since gwyn n i started talking about it but i just!! have a ton of other things too!!

hes a lot like karamatsu in that theyre both stupid and weird and embarrassing and they put on airs but they also!! dont try!! they talk so big and such high goals n expectations and they dont do shit bc they have so much hubris but i always talk about them bc suiriku is sophies Beloved so ill like. Not. but he acts like he’s better than all of them n forces the role of the straight man on himself because he wants to be seen as the responible, level headed one even if hes just. So Much.

i think the movies calling back to how touchy feely and clingy he was in kun and adding on to how jyushis a delinquent and kara… Is Like That he’ll be around them the most bc jyushi might either be really protective or push him away and then they do something to mend their relationship later on or hell cling to kara and they just. grow apart. sticking to my hc until the end bitches. oh.

for choro… personally!! i thought hed be a slacker instead of a delinquent but not in the way totty slacked - totty was lazy n knew the work but didnt want to put in effort but choro just. Doesnt. choro has so much energy all the time and choro Can Not deal with school situations. bc like… you always hear people say that studying is meant to be done at the desk, silently, no distractions what so ever!! focus on notes and nothing else!! ise a highlighter but dont use it too much!! make your notes legible but you only have five minutes before the board gets erased!! review!!! look at your notes or youll die! take breaks bit dont take too long and honestly. listen. kun choro wouldnt be able to stand that shit and id think hed just think he was doing it The Wrong Way n he just wasnt meant to do it.

he doesnt like quiet classrooms!! he cant study like that and hell get distracted. he cant sit still n thats why totoko broke up w him in the beer ad and why hes just Everywhere in kun!! hes understimulated and its just Ugh! you know??? he’ll fidget w his pens until he breaks them or hum or tap his foot and annoy everyone or leave for the bathroom at least three times a class just to get up and move.

eventually he just. gives up even though hes super smart he like, stops caring bc if you dont care to understand material then you wont have to read and read and reread and rereread something to get it! classes just make everything uncomphrehensible and makes any idea he may have sublimate into nothing. but he can work on the trains and the buses! he needs something kenetic to get him moving and trains n shit always have enough going on to work with, just like with home!! chorochoro motherfuckers. he works much better moving forward, ironic as that is. he feels sorta set apart from every thing like hes behind some big plane of glass doing everything wrong and being all set apart from everything. eventually he takes to acting like a real fussy mom to avoid his own problems and help everyone else out even though hes annoying and even when he graduates but it gets Worse bc then figures out how much!!! he fucked up!! then he kicks himself into high gear n still cant do shit. ahh.

its illegal for me to talk about choukei bc i talk about them so much and im always being annoying n typing stupid essays about them bc theyre… my faves.. But this is so long…

it actually makes me super happy that he kara acne he still can be really fighty and he cries and he still does stupid impulsive shit for others and even though hes really sweet and caring is still an utter monster and fucking mess of a person. love him. i always like to think his shittymatsu nickname came from iyami n it just morphed from there bc in 66 you can hear iyami calling him specifically garbage. ive always been glad they kept his sewing hobby too. ahh, actually from what i see hes pretty similarities to kun so i wonder when he decided to air out that teremity. idk what to say about him that i havent in tottys section. he just Feels like someone who had a good support group and nice friends bc of how hes able to move in the world. kara feels like some whos doing their growing up in their twenties bc highschool came easy to them and now theyre just really struggling with the real world. like i shouldve expected softboy hs kara and i appreciate him very much!! i talk about choukei a lot bc they were the first characters that spoke so i immediately attached myself to them n i talk about karamatsu Specifically but im not sure i ever mentioned how much i appreciated how smart and cautious hes proved himself to be time and time again, like how hes the only one to point out totokos fish shtick aint doing her favours or how he was the first one to notice osos irritation n how you can pick out his voice warning jyushi to calm down in the bg of 24 or how in the comedian episode he was ready to take Notes from iyami and a lot of other small things!!

i would think hes actually a bit more serious n calm in hs and san is him amping up traits that drew people to him in hs and it backfiring on kara spectacularly - kara is always gauging people and their reactions and acting in a way he believes will get something positive, but at the same time is utterly oblivious when it comes to actually Getting them n i talked about the girls on the bridge but this is also prevalent with ichi who kara just. Doesnt Get and can not figure out how to maneuver their relationship. like oso, kara is and elder brother!! and elder brothers have an image theyre supposed to uphold, but while kara acts the part he doesnt do the shit a big brother does and shrugs that responsibility off on oso until oso fucks up until s2, where they share the role more evenly and his relationship with ichi improves but this is another essay entirely. what im trying to get with that is that hyperfocus on what other people think of him, but his complete disregard when it comes to their actual reaction and instead what he wants their reactions to be would also greatly impact him transtioning from a teen to an adult im sorry im getting sloppy now

osomatsu… i really adore him too much and i understand how totty felt in their episode bc i also lent my phone to a friend who needed to desperately jack it before meeting new people n i talk about him a whole lot too. hes mean and an asshole and garbage n i know a lot of people find him plain n boring but idk. i dont think thats the case hes a really complexed n nuanced character n hes literally has always been way back from kun n thats expected from a main character but… hes always been mean n dumb n sly and he can get so pathetically vunerable and thats literally!! him. hes a normal dude nothing wrong with that n it can be real refreshing. n i suppose im so fond of fishing trio+choro bc they remind me of my friends. but yeah even if hes 'plain’ i dont see why thats a bad thing. n this they always have the most interesting body language like despite kara being So Much his body language was always closed off n singled him out as everything But exuberant and bright, and osos quirks like how he stands on his toes a lot had always been so cute… its relaxed and open n screams Talk To Me!!!!

ahh but i always end up thinking oso was. oso??? theres not much to say that i havent before but i do think that he was a lot more like he was in episode 2 when ranting to chibita about having shitty brothers and then actively Chose to be a good brother even if he wasnt a good person and be a stable rock and be someone they could all come back to at the end of the day. and hes good at math im never letting this die.

[tumblunni]

Misc headcanons for Directator's assistant director yokai sidekicks!

* I think the Nosirs are actually brothers but for these guys i think theyre just a bunch of unrelated employees who share a uniform. Maybe draw them with variations in height and weight and stuff to tell them apart? And they probably have different hair under the hats.

* this yokai species is a water element fishman thing possibly based on The Shadow Over Innsmouth. Cos ive been doing a lot of thinking on why the heck they have those weird face markings and with the bulgy eyes they kinda do match the description of the early stage Deep Ones in that story. Either that or theyre kappas who hide their weak spot under caps. (Cappas?)

* their only power as yokai is super strength. They probably surprise people a lot by being so powerful, cos they never really bother to fight unless their boss is in trouble. Its mostly just an 'ultimate assistant' power that helps them carry lots of stuff for maximum efficiency.

* theres probably variants of this yokai for every type of minor job ever. I feel like its just the thing you turn into when youre a very normal dude who just wants to continue your normal job in the underworld. This trio are 100% content working for Directator and their idea of a peaceful afterlife is just the same as their regular life! No aspirations for bigger superpowers or anything, just gimme that magic ability to be even better at the job i love~

* not sure about names for the trio yet except one of them should be jerome cos thats a nice name. Their origin story is just that theyre unrelated employees who worked under Directator when he was human, and sorta bonded together into The Directator Protection Club. They were his most loyal assistants who stayed with him even as the studio made flop after flop, and even followed him into hell in the end. (Died trying to save him from a studio fire) They were all kind of aimless young adults for one reason or another, who didnt have much good in their life aside from this job and didnt have any positive familial figures except this strange little family they found together. So theyre not blood related but they treat each other like siblings and see Directator as a cool uncle figure that they all look up to. And theyre all roommates together now in the yokai world so basically yeah they got adopted in all senses except the Actually Saying It Out Loud sense

* Aside from their general shared personality of Being Cute And Enthusiastic And Supporting Their Boss i feel like maybe there are some small differences you notice after a while? From the titanic episode it seemed like one of them was kinda dopey innocently hero worshipping the boss and one of them was a sassy trickster who loved a chance to mess with the heroes, just based on the different way they animated them obeying the order to toss the heroes off the bungee jump. And one of them was shown dressing as a lady waitress in one of the scenes in the first episode, so im gonna grab that opportunity and say she's a trans girl. They all dress very similar while on the job just cos its practical clothing for work, but you can tell her apart by a small ponytail at the back of their identical hairstyles. (Probably the cute flame ponytail style like ghoulfather!) Off duty she likes to dress a bit more femme, but her bros still support her as a woman no matter how she dresses. The only way to get these perpetually smiling doofuses to start a fight is to mix them up and misgender her! (Well, that or be mean to the boss also. Theyre just very ride or die for each other!)

* There actually are more of these yokai aside from the main three, Directator has picked up a few more employees over the years since he died. He can probably summon infinate hordes of them like ghoulfather can do with his mafia goons! Its just that these three have the main emotional bond with him so he trusts them to do all the most important jobs.

* they have an ultimate transformation that is just them on each other's shoulders in a trenchcoat. Their acting skill is so good that everyone universally believes this is a new form and they even gain boosted stats!

* in battle maybe their ability would be some sort of adaptability thing to reflect how theyre such multitalented helpers? Like 'all attacks are treated as non elemental' or 'changes elements to match the last hit taken'?

* also probably in battle theyd have combo abilities with directator, like he's able to revive them automatically whenever he gets a critical hit or something. I feel like them having low hp and frequently knocking themselves out in the process of protecting him is very in character

* directator remembers all their birthdays and throws a super theatrical big ol party~! They also celebrate the day each of them got hired and the day they made their first successful film in the yokai world, and then every time they have a new success too. Basically they love excuses to show how much they care for each other! Best buddies cinema club 4ever!!!

* Even though Directator can now poof up illusions of any set and costumes using his powers, he still prefers to let the assistants make all the most important critical stuff for each movie. He just feels sad that his newfound powers would be taking away a fun bonding experience that they used to have. But also obviously working your ass off to make everything on a short deadline ruins the fun of making arts and crafts together, so he's grateful he can take some of the work off their shoulders.

* the shape of directator's powers as a yokai came from not from his egotism but from his dying wish being to ease the burden on his employees who were always so loyal to him. He also likes to use his illusions to help them out with stuff even when theyre not working, though he still has to say lights camera action and etc so its a lil funny. Like 'oh no assistant number 3 is going out on a date and her dress is ruined!' then he runs in with one of those clapboard things and is like CUT! TAKE TWO! *poofs up an illusion dress with a star wipe transition* Keeps pausing the scene and telling her boyfriend to show more emotion, lol. Like overprotective dad cliche but its more 'are you hammy enough to be worthy of my niece?? Show me your best death scene!' Also has an entire orchestra follow them around and do a soundtrack to their date. 'Darling it'll be a sensation! Directator's secret masterpiece: the film only you get to see! Cmon boys this is our most important production yet!' Very well intentioned but predictably he ends up ruining the date by trying so hard to make it perfect for her, and she's like 'aww dont worry boss, if that guy cant handle my family then he's not the right dude for me anyway' *hugs and end of episode* *but also yknow..he still learns his lesson and interferes less in his friends's lives next time*

* maybe two of the trio have the same names? Like "here's my supreme team: Ashley A, Ashley B and Jerome!"

* give them a special attack where they just three hit combo Directator with a big ol wholesome hug of admiration and all his stats go up. 'Boss you really brightened up our lives!' 'And our afterlife!'

[cutegirlmayra]

Heya! I dunno if your taking still request for prompts... But here's an idea! How about a propmt where after sonic forces, when they restauring the cities. In sonic's house they found a photo with their brothers and mother, and they go to visit them! Like theyre gonna meet Amy and tails, 'cause they already know knuckles. Can it be a scene like "oh hi! You must be sonic's girlfriend-" "SONIA!"

(Special thanks to @shiido-r  for her Preview image! Please support her as well!)

Prompt:

While rummaging through the old ruins, now that the area was safely secured under the protection of the Freedom Army—also known as the Forces—Amy followed Sonic and Tails as they began digging up his family’s old home.

Amy snuck by detection with expert skill, keeping her distance but hearing an awful lot of what they were talking about.

“What happened to them?” she had just come in on the conversation when Tails spoke up, finally close enough behind a half shaven down wall to hear it properly.

She carefully leaned her body against it, spreading her arms out to hold herself up while she tilted her head to their voices.

Sonic had asked Tails to come with him… she was little jealous he asked only Tails to accompany him, and no one else.

“They were the first people I evacuated, Tails.” Sonic’s voice was slightly cheery, and for the setting, it didn’t quite fit right. But Amy figured Sonic was always… usually happy, anyway.

“Ah. I never have met them.”

Amy tried to scoot closer to the wall. She heard someone toss something back to the ground, a grunt of defeat it seemed.

“Then go and met them. Ah… none of this stuff is salvageable… my mother will be furious.”

Amy mouthed the words, ‘MOTHER?!’ before leaning too eagerly against the weak wall and having it tumble with a loud crash as she stumbled away from it.

As the wall fell to pieces, the two boys turned in surprise before lowering their eyelids in annoyance at seeing Amy had been spying on them.

She lifted her foot up and tried to huddle into a ball while standing up, wanting to withdraw out of embarrassment. All she could muster was some light chuckling… as Tails shook his head.

“Haha… Couldn’t stay away, could you?” Sonic smiled, taking it very lightly and just continued to look around. “While you’re here, stick your nose around and find anything useful! Might as well, right?” he turned from the two and continued to search the rubble for anything valuable.

Tails turned to Sonic, not too amazed he was letting this slide, but sighing at the fact that he wasn’t going to say anything.

“Should I scold you?” Tails looked back to Amy, giving her a joking expression. “Or should we have just assumed this would happen?” He chuckled to himself, also being in light spirits and continuing to search. “This is Sonic’s family’s home. He’s been asked to look for anything that wasn’t destroyed. We’re having some trouble with it though…”

As they moved things, Amy quickly felt apologetic. “I’m sorry.” She bent her ears back, stepping carefully through the debris and beginning to crouch down and start digging too. “I just wanted to help…”

“Help? Or know?” Sonic turned back, giving her an eye. “Haha! You know, curiosity isn’t always a good thing, but boy-“he got up, holding a frame in his hand and looking as if he’d smelled something good as he spoke. “It’s hard to resist~”

“You say that as if you love being curious.” Now Tails and Sonic were off having a lovely conversation while Amy was excluded once more.

They laughed and joked like good old friends do… while Amy lifted boards off of broken tea sets and had them fall against drums… feeling unwanted but still here… still wanting to be closer to Sonic in anyway she could.

She had no idea he had living relatives… it almost made her cry to think that they may not have known Sonic was presumed dead, or worse, never heard the good news…

It was then that Amy looked to the fireplace, a big and well-set chimney still halfway holding on to its majesty.

It’s as though it demanded the war to give it respect.

She was amazed by it, standing up and looking at how massive it was, and how lucky it must have been to have survived Eggman’s invasion.

She then noticed something on the ground. Picking it up, a field of dust hung over the picture frame, keeping it from view as she blew on it and saw a beautiful, purple haired woman’s face.

She was taken aback by the astonishing beauty of the elder woman, and began wiping the frame with her gloved hand, trying to see more.

A green-haired boy… looking nothing like Sonic, but having his quills stick out in thin lines like a rocker. He looked more similar to her than Sonic…

Then a girl next to Sonic, her quills were styled like a mohawk. She draped the first, brushed out pack of quills into a regular hairdo but kept Sonic’s iconic three quills in the back. She let nothing hang down on her sides like Amy did, and honestly, Amy thought the picture looked more like a concert signed flyer than a family photo.

However,…

She traced her finger against the elegant woman’s face. How she held herself, it looked refined and kind… like a queen.

“Are these…” she turned towards the joking two. “Your family?”

Sonic and Tails had their arm around the other’s shoulder, still laughing about something before they stopped, and Sonic smiled over to Amy.

He let Tails go and walked over to her, “Yeah… Yeah, that’s them.” He took a deep breath in as he held a hand out for the frame, and Amy stepped aside so that only one of her hands could hold the other side too.

“Your mother’s lovely.” She voiced, looking tenderly to her. “I always wanted to be a woman like that.”

Sonic blinked his eyes, turning to Amy with a look of surprise. “No kiddin’.” He stated.

“I would love to meet them.” She swayed her body cutely, daydreaming as she stared longingly towards the family photo, tucking her other—free arm—behind herself.

“Well, well. Sonic always said he’d only marry mother.”

Sonic’s quills stood on end, turning around and hunching down when he recognized who it was. “When did you guys get back..?”

“Oh, don’t act like you’re not happy to see us!” the girl in the photo swiped her hand out in a bit of a ghosted snap, and then held her arms out to Sonic, walking over to him.

“Ahh~ Look at you! Alive and well!” she didn’t hug him though, just turned her open arms into a shrug. “What? You think you can go off and die without asking our permission?” she teased as Sonic rolled his eyes.

“You know I never would.” He grinned.

She leaned her head in, “What? Die or ask permission first?” she raised an eyebrow and then ruffled Sonic’s forehead quills. “You’re still as stubborn as the day we let you lose on the world!”

“I believe I did that.”

Amy was confused by the girl’s presence before she turned to see the purple woman in her photo.

She was being helped by the green-haired boy, who was using his hand and arm to give her stability as they crossed the debris to get to everyone.

“Is she okay?” Tails flew to them, also willing to help. “Nice to meet you, you must be Sonic’s mother.”

“What a kind gentleman.” She smiled sweetly, and also took his hand as she walked along the debris. “My, my… and I only cleaned just yesterday.” She looked around before her eyes rested on Amy, also looking curiously to her.

“What a beautiful young lady.” His mother spoke out, and Amy’s face all at once grew bashful.

“Oh geez~ You’re too kind!” Amy’s hands immediately went up to the sides of her blushing cheeks, turning left and right, not sure what to do with herself but deeply thankful for the compliment. Especially by someone… as pretty as the woman was. “You’re a real knockout yourself, miss!”

“Oh my, even calling me miss, you sure make quite the friends, Sonic dear.” She winked to Sonic, before being helped to sit against the part of the wall that didn’t fall over from Amy’s spying…

“So, this isn’t Knuckles.” Sonia placed a hand on her hip, “How is he, by the way?” she smiled to Sonic.

“He’s Knuckles.” Sonic folded his arms, but looked happy to see his family again. “And that’s Tails. My best friend.”

“Ah, no. You mean you voted me out?” the green-haired hedgehog shook his head low, looking to his brother as if he’d been betrayed, placing his hand to his heart after his mother was gently placed on her seat. “I’m heartbroken.”

“You’re my brother. But you can send me a postcard when you get over it.” Sonic and him walked over to each other, clasping fist and bro-hugging—coming together, patting the other’s back, and then parting just as quickly.

“What have you been up too? Besides dying, anyway.” The brother was just as sarcastic as his sister, and Amy finally understand where Sonic got it from all these years.

“Both of you, enough with that.” The mother seemed sorrowful and uneasy with those jokes, lovingly holding her arms out for Sonic. “I know you’re not one for open displays of affection, but a mother’s love can’t be limited. Come here…” she gestured him over, pleading almost, but in a way that melted your heart into giving her all she desired.

Sonic walked over and allowed her to cradle his head between her two hands, tugging him gently over to her face so she could kiss his cheek. “Don’t scare me like that again. I know you must do what you feel is right, but feel that letting your mother grow old knowing your happy and well as being right.”

Sonic mouthed the words, ‘Sorry’ and she smiled and kissed his forehead again, finally letting him go after his own hand returned the affection and held her hand a moment upon his cheek.

He bent down and did something so honorable that it even made Amy gasp somewhat.

He looked deep into his mother’s eyes, still pressing her hand kindly against the side of his face and bowed his head to kiss the hand as he removed it.

“I didn’t mean for you to worry.”

His mother’s eyes lowered in absolute love for her son and nodded. “I know you must be placed in harm’s way to protect those that can’t defend themselves. You’re a hero now. And I’m proud of the man you’ve become and are still becoming.” She then looked, with a tad bit of humor, towards her green-haired son. “You all still have a lot to improve, but at least one of you has a job.”

“Mom!”

Everyone laughed.

“I’m hoping to marry.” Sonia shrugged, “So mom doesn’t bother me much, haha!”

“I’m a lead drummer! What more could you want!?” the green-haired boy pleaded, but his mother just shook her head and rolled her eyes.

Sonic got up and nodded to her before walking back over to Tails. “Anything?”

“Nothing. I’m sorry, Sonic. But everything’s been blasted away and left to pieces.” Tails shrugged.

Sonic’s mother just shook her head, “Tails, was it? I understand that we’ve lost everything… but seeing my children are safe and alive… that’s all that really counts.” She then looked to Amy, still dumbfounded by the loving gesture Sonic demonstrated just then. “And we’ve been neglecting this poor girl for too long. What’s with the dropped jaw?” she tilted her head, “Not very lady-like…” she placed her hand up to her mouth, wondering what was wrong with Amy.

Embarrassed, Amy closed her gapping mouth and stood upright, “I=I’m Amy Rose!” she announced as Sonia giggled, walking up to the side of her.

“Is that all? No… defender of the world? Warrior princess—no fancy titles?”

“Let it go, Sonia.” Sonic warned her with a playful look in his eyes, leaning his head to her as she suddenly waltzed over to him, taking the challenge.

“Ohh~ Look who’s talkin’ for the girl…” She stuck her face as close as only a sister could to his own, making him smirk as he saw the fire in her eyes up close and personal. “Something tells me you should let the girl fight her own battles.”

“I would… if it weren’t for the fact that it’s you.”

“Is that a compliment?”

“It’s a ‘leave her alone’, Sonia.”

“Or what? I want to know what she’s made of.”

“The same kinda stuff you are. Flesh and bone.”

“I think you mean titanium and steel.”

“Or just pink fuzz.”

“Take it back, boy.”

“Or what? Gonna ‘90s keyboard me into a music video?”

“Alright, you two. That’s enough.” The mother gave them a look and they pulled away, still nudging the other and giving each other sneaky looks.

“But mom was right, you are pretty.” Sonic’s brother placed a hand to his chin, looking Amy up and down before moving closer. “I’m sure you’ve heard of Sonic’s dashing brother before.” He swiped his hair up and ran his fingers through it, twisting a strand in a flirtatious manner before putting his arm around Amy, keeping her in place.

Amy gasped again, but giggled at his light tease before Sonic stepped forward.

“I can’t take you two anywhere.”

“What? So touchy…” He removed his hands.

“And… you are?” Amy weakly pointed to him, scooting just slightly away, but having a huge smile on her face.

“Babe, you can call me Manic on the Dance Floor.” He struck an old disco pose and thrusted his lower torso out, “Uh-uh-uh-uh~”

“That’s embarrassing.” Sonic laughed.

“You’re literally scaring her away.” Sonia face-palmed herself, shaking her head.

“Manic, do behave yourself.” Sonic’s mother looked back to Amy. “I’m sorry, they’re really good kids, they just like to joke around a lot.”

Amy nodded back to her politely, “I don’t mind! It helps to see where Sonic came from, and where his personality might have started.” She giggled as his mother joined in.

“I’m Aleena.” She offered Amy her hand and Amy quickly rushed over to shake it.

“It’s a pleasure!” Amy politely stated.

“Are you Sonic’s friend too?”

“Or do you want to be more than that?” Sonia stuck her nose into the conversation, leaning forward with a cheeky look in her eyes.

Sonic pulled her back and the two started rough-housing… in their old house, which was in rough shape…

Manic walked over, looked around, saw his old drum set, and started patting a beat on it.

The two reached up and pulled him into the fight, crying out, “I’m a pacifist! I pass-a-fist!” He shot a hook at Sonic and then grabbed his sister’s head into a lock, wrestling with them but not going at it as hard as they were previously fighting before.

Tails shook his head, watching the three. “Are they always like this?”

“Oh no, sometimes they ‘jam out.’”

The two looked at the mother.

Aleena laughed and laughed. “Get it? Like, out of the house? Jam into each other? Oh nevermind.” She looked disappointed that the two didn’t get it and looked to Amy. “Sweetie, could you-um… do your best to break them up?”

“…The band?” Amy sincerely wondered.

All of the sudden, the entire group paused and broke out laughing.

Amy just giggled to be safe, but was amazed at how she never had experienced Sonic’s family life before.

[carmineclock]

Dead Man Blues

Doc Scratch 4:28 PM

Its been an hour or so since your big meeting with the others, hopefully things have cooled down somewhat since then. You'd like to think you kept it quite calm and tasteful, despite your overall annoyance. Most of this time you spent updating your journal. You really have to do something about all these journals, its not safe to keep so many. And yet... With a sigh you set your pen aside. Time to do yet more damage control. You still think theres a chance you can get through to Trace, though perhaps you might be as bad as Clover in taht regard. Hoping is one thing, some men just dont change. Still, you make your way down to the holding cells. Perhaps your chat with Trace just needed a more dire backdrop. A broken arm and a cold concrete room with metal bars could be just what the Doctor ordered. Hoo hoo.

Trace 9:01 PM

Dire backdrop is an understatement. Your arm is long swollen, wrapped carefully in your shirt to give it some stability. You know a bit of first aid, but that is surprisingly difficult when it's your own arm and the only means you got available are what you have on your person. The new wound on your chest is just as aching, red and bloody with a hint of gold. You may have managed to pass out for a few hours, but you could hardly call that sleep, especially with that nightmare. Her body, stabbed and strung up - not Aradia's, but Nepeta's. A message to the one closest to her - Fin, angryy setting fire to your very self. The images linger, even long after you finally come to. And then the nightmare after you wake up - Snowman and how she dragged Fin in for your mutual punishment. How she used your wedding rings to violently erase the tattoo on your chest marking your love and relationships. When Scratch enters, you're wide awake, as much as you loathe it. Your mind still feels foggy and worlds away, definitely not prepared for a talk with him.

Doc Scratch 2:28 AM

You study him as you walk in, taking note of the remnants of Snowmans lesson. As graceful as she is deadly, as always. The gold makes a nice addition in your opinion. You take a chair from the nearby table and move it to in front of the bars in silence. After you moment you sit backwards with your arms resting over the back of the chair sit down normally, like a gentleman. This isnt an interrogation, or a call for confession, its just a conversation. "So, lets have it out, Trace. Whats this Droog business really all about. Dont you realize what youve cost yourself?"

Trace 9:51 AM

It never not feels like an interrogation with Scratch. You look up and watch him as he gets comfortable, then stare off to the side when he speaks. The muscles in your jaw tense, and when you reply, your hoarse and cracking voice clearly shows your exhaustion and pain. "Sir.. Do we really need to do this now? I'm not exactly the best for a talk right now and I'm really not too keen on netting me another scar for mouthing off..." Of course, you're aware he wouldn't have it any other time then when you're broken and at your wit's end.

Doc Scratch 11:27 AM

"If you're worried about your mouth, then I suggest you keep a civil tongue. I'm not concerned, though. Theres a kind of freeing honesty that cement walls and metal bars bring that can be found nowhere else. At this point, I would rather you speak freely, its just us now." Just the two of you. Man to man, or whatever Trace can be considered. Its an interesting thought, his classification may change as his DNA did. You'll have to look into that later. For now, your eyes are solely on him. His broken body, his pain. "Tell me true, Trace. I want to hear it. All of it. I wont punish you for speaking truthfully when asked. Its lies I hate the most."

Trace 3:03 PM

You give him a sour smile. You'll believe it when you see it. "What this is about, you really gotta ask?" Feels like you already talked plenty enough about this, and you doubt you got anything else to say that could placate him. Only plenty of frustration that has built up over everything, and you're way too tired to filter your words. Lets see who of the two of you is going to regret that more. "I.. am sorry that any of this ever reflected back on you, Nepeta or any of the Felt. It should never have been anything but personal. Which, I realize...  there's not really a personal in this outfit, is there?" you begin, actually honestly. "This... it was nothing more than a brawl between two guys heated up on a little too much emotion. But then this bastard.. abducted Nepeta, tortured and abused her, and then me. Cause he was pissed he got decked in the face. And he kept going, provoking us again and again, paralyzing her, seducing another, hurting us, as a whole, again and again. How could you expect me to do just nothing? You've been sending a signal, to them and to us, that they can just pick members of this very house off the street and do with us what they want." You try to sit up properly to face him better, wincing from the pain shooting through your arm again. "How has this not been a war yet for fuck's sake? How come Snowman can take the god damn white queen hostage, but we sit idle when the Crew come to pick us apart bit by bit? How come Snowman can take the god damn white queen hostage, but we sit idle when the Crew come to pick us apart, bit by bit?"

Doc Scratch 6:17 PM

You sit in silence, letting him say what hes going to say. You dont blame him for his views, and if anything, this lashing out may prove beneficial to you. No matter what happens from now on, Droog will have the reminder in the back of his mind. Certainly he wont forget it. Idly, you pull at the edge of your gloves, nodding every so often through his heated speech. Well, hes partially right on certain fronts. It really should have been war by now, whether you wanted it to be or not. The crew have gotten bolder and bolder, could it be your fault? Through inaction, have you allowed the crew more purchase on this slippery slope than you'd intended? "To start off, I'll answer your question. The reason it has not been war yet is because we did not have the numbers to win a war." You let out a silent sigh. "In truth, I'd hoped to collect our full set before provoking the Crew into an all out battle. I dont know how many wars you've seen, Trace, but I've seen enough to know that as much as you and all the others may want to go to war, young men that you are, we are not in a favored position for it. The Crew will always have the love of the common people, they built this city, and those that reside here are their kin. They have the better defenses, and most importantly, they have magic. True magic, the likes of which I cant begin to match." You pause to stand, arms folded behind your back as you pace, speaking more to the open air than to Trace now.

"Snowman is an army in her own right, its folly to compare anything or anyone to her. This little brawl you've had with Diamonds, its beyond reason and a waste of resources besides. If you were provoked into action, then you're a fool, because thats what Diamonds wanted from you. But more than that, you've allowed him to take the higher ground. The city is going to bleed now, I'll see to that, but you've allowed Diamonds to make it personal. And a man on a revenge mission doesnt care for the ruin he causes. I did not take what I've taken of this city for the last fourty years just to see it burned by some self righteous bastard in an Armani tuxedo." Another sigh, louder this time. You rub your temple, pausing in your pacing to look back at him. "Provoking. Abusing. Hurting us. All of us. You're right on that front. What one of us suffers, we all suffer. It was my mistake. I took this for play, the usual violence between men at odds, petty revenge for the sake of sleeping better." “But no, this has gotten well and truly out of hand. And its too late to go back. You’ve signed us up for a a war we were not prepared for, against an enemy whose eyes you’ve spit in, and now you say it should have been sooner. Hmph. Maybe you’re right. I dont hear the heckling of those underneath me, but it would only make sense that you do. So, then, its to be war. Do you have any plans for this war you’ve longed for, Trace? Any soldiers for the army? Connections to supplies and trades? Or did you expect that all you had to do was start it, and that I would finish it?”

Trace 8:05 PM

Well, obviously, you don't have any of these. You didn't plan for a war, let alone prepare for it. This was a selfish and careless act of revenge and he knows that. You're slowly starting to realize that you feel more bewildered about Nepeta's reaction than the prospect of war. This life has already been hell and you're tired of playing along. How little you care about Scratch's achievements and goals. Still, that is not an answer to give your boss and, unfortunately, owner. You close your eyes and think. The least you owe the others is to try  And if you've doomed all of you to die and burn, maybe you can at least rip a big hole into the crew. "..How much longer is he gonna have the favor of the common people if he's burning them? If he lashes out without remose and care, use it against them. With fires burning purple, it's not hard to besmirch their name. You have sucked the people dry under threat of violence and torture if they don't pay up. If you lack manpower, offer then alternatives. The crew is torching Felt warehouses. If it's supplies we lack, take theirs. We may be lacking time to prepare, but so do they. It's not too late to gain the upper hand."

Doc Scratch 1:40 PM

You stand and listen as he rattles off his ideas. Theyre not all without merit, but theyre naive, blunt, though its something you've come to expect. How could he possibly have known what he was getting himself, and the rest of the Felt, into. "Hes not burning them, he's burning us. True, it was careless, but Droog wont stay careless. Hes distraught over his daughters death, but he wont stay that way forever. He has as at least as much of a tactical mind as I do, he was built for war." You run a hand over your head, eyes closed in thought, trying not to imagine plumes of purple smoke eating their way through the Felt manor. Purple and green clash too much, it would be hideous. "I have ways of retaking the people, though its not the dregs of society that I'm worried about. All  I need is a shiny coin and a loaf of bread to win their loyalty back. We need to spread out. We need bases of operation throughout the city, safe places that arent glaring green mansions on a hilltop. If the Crew want war, we have to play their game." Yes, this is sounding more like a plan every passing second. You almost get carried away, before remembering where you are. This is no time to get caught up in nostalgia. "You know, it would be much easier planning if we had our trackers back. You and Fin have skills that will be of paramount importance coming very soon. Yet, I hesitate to bring you into the fold. Why should I trust that you can stay your hand? That your loyalty to this organization will trump your lust for revenge? You've proven the exact opposite is the case. Give me a reason why I shouldn't just let you sit down here and rot until the war is over with."

Trace 7:47 PM

Hey, can't blame you for trying, considering your situation. The night in here didn't exactly allow you to do your homework. Neither does it help with the next question. You look at him, tired as you are, trying to muster up the energy to defend yourself. Can't say you're, heh, dying to prove your loyalty to him, but wasting away down here in this cell doesn't seem like a solution either. "I... can't live without this organization. And neither can those that I care about. I know that my actions didn't exactly show it, but I want to do what I can to help it succeed and keep us all safe where possible." You'd like to assure him that your thirst for revenge is well-quenched - and for now it is. But should anything happen to Nepeta and Fin in this war you've apparently summoned, things could get ugly really fast. You won't tell him that. He's probably well aware. You'd like to not have to come to that though. "You gave the reason yourself. We're good at what we can do, and without us, this is gonna be much harder to deal with. Sure, it's a risk for you, but I'd be the one out there, risking my neck. It's my blood they're after. I'm not expecting your trust. I'm sure if you send me out there again, you'll be keeping a close eye on me, until I'll maybe have proven myself someday. Not sure what else I can give you besides my word, and I don't think that's much worth to you right now."

Doc Scratch 1:35 PM

"Hmm, its true enough." You sit back down, leaning back as you think. If you were a lesser man, you might consider handing him over to the crew and suing for peace. That would only be a short term fix, though, and probably cause more problems than itd solve. Not to mention youre loathe to lose one piece of the set. "In truth, Trace, I dont blame you for your actions. Not fully. Droog brought his suffering upon himself. We're just lucky he was good enough to burn all the  evidence." "At the very least you'll be going back to work soon, though as far away from Fin as possible. Perhaps Crowbar can take up the handle of your keeper. I cant have a mad dog running around doling out a childs version of vigilante justice." "For now, though, youll enjoy these accommodations. Im just having your room prepared."

Trace 1:48 PM

You should probably feel relieved at that response, could have gone much worse, after all. But the feeling of anxiety and dread keeps lingering. "I guess that's only fair." You lean back as well, which sends another pain shooting through your arm. A quiet hiss escapes you. Cursed thing. "Before you leave.. with all due respect, not trying to tell you what to do, but I don't think you'd find having me lose my arm or my life to an infection practical..."

Doc Scratch 1:55 PM

You were aleady on your way out when he makes his request. Now you pause, and turn slightly. "Does it hurt? Good. Its supposed to. Someone will be down soon to tend to it. Think on your mistakes, and how you can do better in the future." With that, you take your leave, closing and locking the door behind you.