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dr-spectre · 2 days ago

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Hello!! I just had the sudden urge to rewrite Side Order, and i dont know if it was from you but i once saw a post about an antagonistic Marina being an interesting concept... but I do know you like Marina a fair bit so I was wondering, what would be a good way to go about it?

And I mean an ACTUAL antagonist Marina. Not Order controlling her one way or another.

I would also like to try doing something with Side Order's creepy vibe we got from the trailer...

"Like Marina a fair bit." Oh buddy, oh friend, it's more that just a fair bit....

I was actually gonna make a post about something similar like this, but since you brought it up, I'll just go ahead and explain some of my ideas.

It has been hinted at and shown to us that Marina has a strong urge to maintain order and keep the newfound happiness she now has in her life.

So what if this desire.... corrupts her? What if she becomes so stressed out and anxious that she descends into being an antagonist hellbent on making the perfect world? All born by her troubled upbringing in the Octarian domes and trying to make sure her life remains happy and safe. And for her Pearlie to be safe.

The dev diaries as well as Pearl's dialogue at the beginning of Side Order tell us that Marina after the Final Fest has been under a lot of stress due to balancing so many things and is suffering burnout.

Also Pearl and Marina do fight over music and this could have added to Marina's stress as well.

I think going about rewriting Marina Agitando is by showing Marina's stresses more clearly so that people can pick up on her motivation more. Also changing Marina Agitando to where Marina puts on the Controller VM willingly and instead of Order just possessing her body like a ghost, instead it allows Marina to communicate with Order and oversee the memverse as a whole. However because of Order's programming, they are more of a manipulative force, whispering and guiding Marina to what they want due to their goal of wanting a world under total order and "happiness." No stupid fucking "brainwashing" or "mind control" bullshit here. We doing something different. Order is just giving Marina a little push in a certain direction and Marina is going along with it because she's under a ton of stress and wants her life to be safe and happy, no matter the cost or how anyone else feels....

The developers did say in an interview that they wanted to tell a story about Marina getting lost in a machine of her own making and sadly Side Order doesn't really explore it all too well due to the short appearance of Marina Agitando.

All you gotta do to fix it is extend her runtime!! Make Marina Agitando a tutorial boss, but instead of you getting her out of there, you fail to reason to Marina and she kicks you out of the spire and it grows in size. And then you gotta go back up 30 floors while learning about why Marina is doing what she is doing and eventually learning about the ai Order. The final boss could be Marina Agitando and Pearl trying to reason with her and eventually break through Marina's anxieties and doubts. Marina breaks out of the Controller VM and Order turns into Overlorder and becomes the true antagonist in the end, feeling betrayed and hurt by their creator abandoning them.

Anyways. Those were my ideas. Much like Callie i do care a lot about Marina and thankfully Marina Agitando doesn't piss me off as much as what they did to Callie in Splatoon 2. But there's still a LOT of missed potential with an antagonistic Marina.

So yeah. Hopefully that helped your rewrite in some way. Hopefully.

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bitter-panacea · 21 hours ago

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The two options for the catalyst event

(the second one might make no sense at all depending on what happens in ogrest's last volume but i honestly dont care because this is an au)

I am NOT a writer !!! Please forgive the syntax

- option 1

aka gou does an akemi homura rebellion style (this is so confusingly written i honestly think the only way to actually understand this is to watch rebellion lmao)

It's a beautiful day. Our group of heroes (goultard, arty, the percedal family and whoever the fuck is also there at the time idk) have reunited for some occasion (what occasion? Maybe simply celebrating being together) At the percedals.

As time passes, some of them slowly start to notice strange things. Things that feel wrong without any of them being able to really explain why. Things about the world around them, about themselves, things they know happened but collectively can't remember.

- tristepin still has both his arms

- flopin is here

- yugo still looks the way he did before the necroworld

- some of them are behaving strangely out of character

- rooms in the house theyd never notice before (house of leaves style)

- walking away leads them right back to where they started.

Slowly they start to wonder how can they even be here, werent they doing something else? Looking for something? A powerful artifact of some kind. They conclude it has something to do with their predicament. One proposes the theory that their memories have been tampered with, erased, or rewritten, that the place they find themelves in is an illusion theyve been trapped within.

The artifact they were meant to retrieve supposedly grants a wish to its possessor, actually maintening the person in a dream while it feeds on their wakfu (as well as the wakfu of everyone nearby)

Soon they realize one of them must be responsible, was overwhelmed by the power of the artifact and is now keeping them all trapped in their wish. Suspicion and tensions grow as the world around them becomes increasingly unstable and aggressive. A dark menacing presence looms in the shadows.

A question stays. If this dream is the wish of one of them, could the others they previously believed to be trapped within it, only be part of the illusion.

Only one of them here is real.

Arty eventually confronts goultard, deep inside he knows the truth. Only goultard could be responsible, arty has been gone for centuries, only goultars knows and remembers arty. Would goultard really be so cruel as to let his friends suffer and be drained of their wakfu just so he could spend a few moments by his side. Can he accept and let go of this dream and finally put an end to this mascarade.

But by confronting goultard, arty revealed his true presence. He had found a way to manifest himself physically to him through this illusion of arty that goultard's mind had created. His memories had been rewritten when he'd entered and it took him some time to remember who he really was and what he'd came here for. He'd sensed goultard's distress and came to help him out of this mind prison he'd unknowingly locked himself in.

Goultard begs him to stay but to no avail. He has to say goodbye once and for all and wake up. Arty tells him he never really left him, as long as he remembers him, as long as his dofus exists, his essence will always carry on, like the light of a star billions of light years away that still reaches him even after death. he will always be the fire that burns in goultards chest.

He wakes up and destroys the artifact, all the others slowly come to. They have no idea of what just transpired and go on their way.

But goultard knows he just put all of them in danger because his emotions got the better of him. He cant be around them anymore, he will leave as soon as the others have their backs turned. Hes just lost arty a second time and cant help his heart breaking, leaving room for despair to take its place.

- option 2

aka the solo mission that couldnt have possibly gone worse

The symbiote, extremely weakened but alive, has found shelter in lacrima's body, feeding on her hatred for centuries, using what little power it has left to control her with the goal of finding goultard and luring him to them.

The both of them have degraded into a monstreous pulsing unstable mass of entangled rottings roots, all writhing like a swarm of eels, at time's moving like a scolopendra. Seperating now would instantly kill the both of them and the symbiote's only wish is to use what little power it has left to see goultard one more time, psychologically and physically torture him and ensure he can never forget him. The enemy is physically no match for goultard's divine powers but once trapped and imobilised in their roots, its mind games and manipulation overwhelm him and leave him unable to fight back. Goultard can sense the symbiote's presence but is unsure if its real or just in his head.

General ideas for lacrima's monologue

"cant you see you and i are just the same"

- Something about them both being desperate to be loved and cared for but will always end up being abandoned or rejected

- something about goultard being dependant of others and relying on the powers of beings stronger than himself (the symbiote, arty's dofus, his father's power), serving them, being nothing more than a receptacle for them, nothing more than a broken empty husk without them

- A dark void in him that nothing can fill, an open wound left ignored for so long

(- everything goultard did and would have done to please his father even though he fathered the monster who killed arty)

- something about dragons being attracted solely to a being's purity, lacrima and goultard both having had their purity taken from them... or maybe they were born impure and never had a chance

Through lacrima's monologue, the symbiote slowly reveals his presence more and more until he delivers the final blow

No one will ever understand and love him whole like the symbiote did. No matter where he is or where he goes, his eyes will see, he will always be inside him, crawling under his skin, goultard will always be his, no matter how hard he tries he wont ever forget him again

Their roots wrapped tightly around him like tentacles, slowly constricting until he can barely breathe, bringing back flashes of brutal memories hed buried deep inside.

As they pry his mouth open to force themselves down his throat, terror takes over goultard's body, awakening the beast inside. He manages to free himself and impales the creature on his sword, right through lacrima's heart, killing them both instantly. But the damage has already been done, the infection that previously laid dormant runs too deep and the poison of his past flows through his veins once more.

Untitled post wakfu Alternate Universe

In this au, Arty doesn't get resuscitated by the gods after his sacrifice. Instead his soul is allowed to return to his dofus and he is reborn as Ignmikhal much later, losing his humanity and his memory in the process.

Since then, Goultard has repressed A LOT of memories and feelings to be able to handle life and to keep on living as normally as possible after the events of the dofus manga. He could simply have not functioned otherwise. His mind had to in order to protect itself.

The wide majority of his memories regarding the Symbiote and Arty (both are intrinsically linked since Arty freed Goultard) being repressed created a new personality/alter in Goultard's system, Vanya, that holds onto these erased memories and embodies the trauma that resulted from being with the Symbiote for around 1400 years, as well as the trauma of losing Arty.

By now, Arty is just a very vague memory, more of a feeling to him than a person Goultard actually remembers... Arty is the fire that burns in his chest and makes him keep going, not give up. The light of a dead star thousands of light years away still reaching him to guide him through the darkest nights. A sort of incorporeal guardian angel. But remembering him truly and acknowledging the loss would break Goultard.

The premise of this au is that a catalyst event (I have two possible ideas but can't decide which one I like more) abruptly forces Goultard to face painful forgotten memories and emotions, awakening Vanya (who he had no idea existed).

Here's an older post about Vanya. (Not pictured in the post is the Symbiote introject who inhabits him.)

He manages to stop him from completely taking over, but barely. (Possibly ends up seriously endangering his friends because of it). He's going through intense flashbacks and is flooded with unbearable emotions. He's hopeless but his sick mind tells him the only thing that can cure him is the crimson dofus. He goes alone to find Ignemikhal.

Having to face him, seeing that the dragon doesn't recognize him, clearly doesn't know who he is, that there isn't any Arty left in him, makes him go berserk and they fight. Just like during their very first fight, Ignemikhal/Arty has the upper hand. Vanya, losing, too exhausted and hopeless to keep fighting, gives up and let's the dragon start eating him, slowly killing him. While this happens, the crimson dofus (or rather Arty's soul and essence subsisting inside it), through Goultard's inner world/headspace, tries to communicate with its former guardian and forever loyal friend. Goultard, drowning in his own mind, grabs onto Arty's spirit and refuses to let him go.

A mix of Goultard's divine powers, his utter despair, and Arty's desire to help Goultard, creates an energy surge that essentially short-circuits and rewrites the crimson dofus' programming, forcing back his past incarnation by force. Bringing arty back.

They both get rescued and brought back home by the tofu brotherhood.

Arty is back but some things seem different about him. He has more control over his powers, he has an easier time using them than before. But has a much harder time controlling his draconic nature, behaving in very "animalistic" ways by moment. Struggling to understand and/or suppress new confusing urges. He has more draconic features physically as well. He's kept a few memories from other incarnations (before and after him) and also remembers sensations from when he was "inside the crimson dofus". He remembers feeling Goultard's presence, his heartbeat, his emotions, his warmth, when he was inside him.

Goultard is seriously injured after his fight with the dragon. He keeps the crimson dofus in him. According to him it helps him "stay stable and stop Vanya from taking over". Is this real or is it just what he thinks? Who knows.

All of this means some of the people who know about this are very much against it, and think whatever Goultard did to make that happen was an unbelievably stupid mistake.

Goultard still seems very unstable (he is, Vanya does come back when Gou is going through intense emotions, sometimes co-fronting with him.) And letting him have the crimson dofus could turn out to be extremely dangerous. But it belongs to Arty and it's his decision to let Goultard have it.

Some of them also really don't trust Arty and think he could be dangerous as well.

Most importantly, Goultard and Arty are now both tethered to the crimson dofus. Nobody knows exactly what it entails since this has never happened before. And it's gonna take them a while to understand and learn to control this new power. The crimson dofus being "reprogramed" by force could be terrible and risk affecting the balance of the universe that the dofus are supposed to keep.

Arty doesn't feel comfortable with most people calling him Arty. Calling him his "human name" is reserved to only a few people he fully trusts, it's sort of a privilege (Gou obviously, and later Kerubim because he was a friend of Crail, maybe some other people as they get to know one another.) Others call him Ignemikhal or just Mikha for short.

Arty, as well as his new dragon related issues, has to deal with the fact he was basically dead for around 650 years. The world has drastically changed. Which makes him realize how little he knew it. (They go looking for Crail's farm where arty grew up but the land it used to be on has long been covered by the sea after the flood). Almost nobody remembers or even knows that he destroyed Bonta and the same thing is true for how Goultard's reputation has changed over the centuries. Their fight against the Cornu and Arty's sacrifice have almost been lost to history (it isn't common knowledge at all) and the statue built in their honor has long been replaced by something else. Goultard tries to sound optimistic about it (although he himself despises immortality) and calls it a second chance. But Arty sees it in a much more nihilistic way. He's now acutely aware of his immortality, and that oblivion is inevitable.

Everyone he knew and cared about except for Gou is now dead. Which makes him realize how few people he knew and cared about. He hoped Goultard would have known at least a little about what happened to the other guardians. But he disappeared and never saw or heard from them again after Arty's sacrifice. All he knows is they all went their own way (except for Dodge and Ejipe who stayed together). Thinking about Lily being all on her own after his death breaks Arty's heart. Goultard starts acting weird every time Lily is mentioned.

Goultard is extremely upset about the distance that slowly grew between him and Arty after they formed the guardians, when Arty started showing more attention and affection to Lily, and less to him.

The last moments they spent together before Arty's death left a very bittersweet taste to Goultard. He can't help but think Arty was ultimately going to abandon him for Lily but died before he could. His feelings of dependency on arty and his attachment and abandonnent issues are back and he struggles to keep them in check.

This eventually leads to conflict as Arty gets increasingly more annoyed and confused at Goultard's behavior. Who refuses to explain until confronted.

Kerubim and Arty form a very cute bond. Kerubim is overjoyed to finally meet Crail's grandson and loooves telling Arty old stories about him and Crail, their old master Nabur, and the other guardians. With Kerubim's help, they find out more about Lily. Who after taking the ivory dofus back to Bonta, decided to become an huppermage and dedicated her life to protecting Bonta and the ivory dofus. Her and Jahash knew each other well and she was a kind of mentor to him.

Goultard can't move on and heal from what he went through in the past until he accepts and confesses his true feelings for Arty. After it finally happens, Gou and Vanya "absorb" each other, integrating.

Arty and Gou have gained new abilities thanks to their connection with their dofus. They can sometimes communicate telepathically, and feel each others emotions. They also have the ability to fuse (steven universe style lmao).

#this au needs a name #content warning for terrible bad things happening to goultard #because i love when dysfunctional characters fail and relapse 👍

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eyeheartboobiez · 1 year ago

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𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐚𝐫 𝐝𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐲!𝐛𝐫𝐮𝐜𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐧𝐞 𝐡𝐜𝐬

-> warnings: smut mention

-> a/n: are you able to pick up other people’s tabs at a bar? what even is a tab? idk. here are some unnecessarily long bruce hcs that i wrote at 1am

(edit): fun fact, this was the first set of sugar daddy!bruce hcs i wrote but ended up “scrapping” bcs i didn’t like the direction it was going in👨🏿‍🦯

• honestly, you don't know how either of you ended up in this situation

The drink in your hands was starting to sweat.

One of your professors had given you the chance to attend a charity event of one of his more high society friends. Of course, while you were beyond grateful, you can easily say you'd much rather be at home binging your favorite series.

So here you were, sipping on your fourth glass of the evening without a single clue how you were gonna pay for them all. Your social battery was beyond drained as you were sitting by yourself at the bar, just about ready to call it a night.

All the other socialites in the room, however, seemed to be having a blast talking about politics or stocks or whatever it was that rich people talk about. Well, all except for one.

• on one hand hand there was you, a broke college student just looking for someone to pay for her drinks

• on the other, there was the rich billionaire who was searching for someone worthy enough of his time

• bruce had noticed you sitting alone at the bar, lightly sipping on an amethyst martini:

He takes the night off from his batman duties, and this is how he decides to spend it?

Bruce couldn't wrap his head around it either. Alfred was actually the one who talked him into going to this party. With him being one of the top donors, he was basically obligated to attend at this point.

While all the other party goers were standing around talking amongst each other, the billionaire found himself off in the corner, eyes sweeping the room to find all its nearest exits. In the midst off his mental scan though, he saw you.

The dress you wore was simple, yet it somehow made you glow against the warm lighting. Despite all the commotion in the room, your presence alone practically drew him in like a moth to a flame.

If Bruce was gonna be here all night, he might as well make things interesting, right?

• you hadn't noticed him approaching until the chair next to you was being pulled out

• you were hesitant to open up to him at first

• because why in the hell was one of the richest men in gotham talking to you of all people

• but after a while, the two of you practically sprung into conversation, talking about almost anything and everything.

• after talking for what felt like hours he asks you:

"Would you perhaps like to continue this conversation back at my place?"

• with the way his index finger was gently caressing your hand, you just knew that if you left with this man, you both would be doing anything but talking

• while you usually weren't one to sleep with strangers, one night of some fun couldn’t hurt, right?

• plus you still needed to get these drinks paid for

"Only if you offer to pick up my tab."

• one thing led to another and you found yourself lying in one of the biggest beds of your life, getting fucked by one of the richest men in the world

• you and bruce ended up spending a very long night together. by the end of it, you both were practically comatose from it all

• the next morning, you woke up fully prepared to sign some sort of NDA and head on home

• or at least you were. until you felt the hot trail of kisses leading down from your neck

"Last night was incredible," The billionaire grumbled, the low murmur of his morning voice making butterflies appear in your stomach. Open-mouthed kisses continued to trail down the valley of your breasts, "I don't suppose you wanna do that again sometime, hm?"

• you almost had to pinch yourself to make sure you weren't still dreaming

• it was over breakfast that you both went over some of the necessary details neither of you seemed to bring up the night before

• you told him things about yourself like your age and how you typically didn't go home with strangers. you also ended up confessing how you were only at the same event as him because one of your professors gave you an invitation

• which then led to him asking what your major was

• …which led him to ask what university you attended

• ….which then led to him offering to pay off your college expenses

• like hold on. pause for a second.

• did he fr just offer to pay your whole tuition?

• was the pussy that good???

• before you could think too much about it, bruce made sure to let you know that this would be a small dip into a very big bucket for him

• all he asked for in return was to spend another night with you

• of course he didn't expect you to come to a decision right away, so after exchanging numbers, he drove you home to think it over

• to be honest though, it didn't take you very long to consider things

• i mean you were practically swimming in student loans over here

• immediately after you called to give him a confirmation, your phone pinged with a notification

bruce w. sent over $860.

‘buy something nice for yourself and meet me tomorrow at seven. don’t worry about transportation, i’ll arrange a car for you.’

• and after that the rest was history

• being bruce’s sugar baby was honestly one of the best decisions you’ve ever made

• after your second night with him was when he wanted to make things official between you two

• “official” pretty much meant that he would volunteer to be your personal bank as long as you continued to keep him company

• even though it all sounded great, you weren’t stupid.

• if you were to really go through with this you would need it written on paper. you wanted this shit documented

• so that’s exactly what he did

• by the end of the day, bruce had his lawyers make a drafted copy of the terms and conditions your so called “relationship” would entail (a draft that you were free to make changes to, of course)

• now that everything had been officially set in stone, most days you found yourself either attending charity events or maxing out his company credit card

• now if only bruce could tell you about a certain night job of his…

-> a/n: when i tell you these have been in my drafts for a MINUTE😭 i think imma make a fic about how their relationship develops but first i wanna write the next part to my jason smau series

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soap-is-an-artist · 23 days ago

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Hooray... it's 7 in the morning and I stayed up all night listening to the imperium... I feel so happy and satisfied with my life choices...

I am feeling very much not cowabunga, dude

[SEVERE rambling in tags]

#ouww it hurts!! it hurts!!! this is the stuff you're supposed to leave for angst fic writers not make canon in an alt universe?? ERIK PLEASE #i hate the whole entire world right now. genuinely cannot speak to anyone normally for the next 3-4 business days.#I have no one irl to rant to about this FUCK im stranded. im quarantined. im being held against my will free meee #The irl friend i have who knows anything at all about redacted only knows freelancer s1 i cannot drop this bigass plot on them #Genuinely i might start going mad out of repression. Erik writing “hope you enjoy” in the desc as if that wasnt the most painfully torturou #experience I've ever had in my life. The fucking inevitability. I knew Echo was going to pull some shit. IM JUST GLAD VIN AND FL ARE OK #they were NOT the turning point just let them live their cabin in the woods fantasy for however long they can okay...#Also I kinda love imp!vega. not the biggest fan of prime bc of the whole child beating situation but i sure loved this guy.#really knew what he was talking about when it came to revolutions and stuff. Like he's good. no disrespect to avior but vega did good #and he was so gentle with his partner which i find more appealing than torture but that's just me. that's just me i get it #And uh. speaking of that. Imp!sam. Yeah i get why some of yall are goin wild over him and i wish i could say i shared the sentiment but hes #too scary im weak like that. when i know a bastard would simply kill me without a care im just not into that yknow? or maybe you dont #Glad we got twisted gay damihux at the end though MUAHAJAJA that's one of the only redeeming lights that kept me alive #FUCKKKK SHIT FU K SJIT DAM ASHERS ENTIRE SCENE WITH BRACJIUM GOD HELP ME. ID DIE FOR THAT MAN #he's so fucking sad!!! he just wants his husband back!!! HE WANTS HIS FAMILY BACK!!!!!!#No even I don't understand how it's possible to get this attached to characters. I don't know. Im in deep shit.#Is this the end for me? Is my life over? These are the questions I have today. I probably just need to sleep because again #it's 7:30 in the morning. but regardless. These characters mean so much to me and this silly anthology has pulled emotions out of #me that i am terrified of feeling [survivors guilt hits me right in the fucking heart] and im scared. of what? don't know #That little shit Echo was right about one thing. It may not be real but the emotional damage it caused me is real. AND IRREPARABLE #redacted audio #redacted asmr #redacted imperium #redacted imp!asher #redacted echo #redacted imp!vega #redacted imp!sam #redacted vindemiator #tired of tagging. hitting the pillow. good night.

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hauntingblue · 4 months ago

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Jayce telling vi she won't make it on her own.... okay mr. projector...

#viktor just turned his body into the arcane and you dont even know!!! his leg is purple!!!!#im not going to excuse vi for saying the kid knew what he was getting into bc he didn't bc he is a kid (here we have ms. projector)#but telling jayce he has always been complicit of this he just didnt have to see it... yeah exactly.#and like she obviousky regrets the kid dying but it was jayces fault lmao why does he blow up on her??? the name calling got to him #jayce thinking omg he is going to off himself and viktor just trying to hide the evidence of his murder akdhsksj well yes he does want to...#i was wondering why the council was so Flabbergasted about the nation of zaun?? like they dont care and basically dont intervene #in the undercity bc they don't have any interest or profit in there. they don't gain anything at all from there.#so of course when silco asks jayce says sure fuck it. the only thing the council needs from zaun is the gemstone and its not even theirs #it's probably just fear of agression towards piltover as another nation and not something they can control or repress #silcos reaction to cait being wheeled in akdhaksj it sounds like he said 'what' he probably didnt know the girlfriend part... understandable #i forgor about her bringing the platter out... like ofc i didnt forget it but i didnt see it coming there. with bad memory you can be #surprised every time you watch the same show 👍🏻#i haven't cried because well the foruth time is a stretch now to cry but i still got chills at the end with the missile impacting....#and like whay would have happened if cait didn't free herself.... like ofc she would have bc everyone in that room could have killed her #not vi etc etc but she did just leave her so who knows really #anyways the monsters appearing in jinxs vision when vi mentions her past family is so poignant to her change.... they dont have the intended #reaction vi meant.... and silco is trying to shut her up for jinx's sake and look what happened to him. like vi really couldn't understand #her sister now and maybe back then either.... like not to be a silco apologist but it seems like he was the only one who could handle her #maybe im exaggerating but it would have gone wrong either way i think like no matger how much love there is in between them #idk man its so bad. like maybe this could have been avoided but it would have gone wrong in a different way for sure #and this couldn't have been avoided #talking tag #watching arcane #three weeks away still.... what now....

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lookatmytitle · 15 days ago

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people really hate only children a lot, which let me tell you, does not help that lifelong feeling of desolate isolation we only children come pre-installed with

#even if you hate your siblings and dont get along it must have occasionally been nice to not have to be alone all the time #to have someone who can validate your experiences and know you outside of yourself- someone to talk to #someone who knows your parents like you know them someone who remembers the phases of your life #i grew up without cousins either and friends were always complicated #it was always just me just me just me alone in my room alone forever in my room #life is one big room youre alone in and you can hear the voices outside the door but you cannot join them not really #when my parents die it will be just me and then ill be truly completely alone with no one else to mourn them with me #no one else who knows them and loves them like me #i have to take care of myself and them without help i have to bear the burden of three people all alone #im well adjusted and normal and i know how to exist in relationships #being an autistic only child is... its got to be one of the lonliest experiences out there #no matter what i do or how I act the end result is the same it always turns out the same. alone again. alone again. alone again.

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rearranging-deck-chairs · 7 months ago

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hang on are cougars like panthers

#'the cougar also known as the panther' SCREAM #dont mind me rewatching carmilla as a side effect of my newfound interest in vampires #you'd think it was renewed interest in vampires but no #i actually have never been all that interested in vampires as their own thing i was just gay #and i dont think carmilla really explored the concept itself #like A* in using the medium. D or whatever in exploring their subject matter #actually tbf their subject matter was lesbianism so. again probably an A. they knew what they wanted and they did it well #idk how letter grades work tbh #also not actually sure how much they got into the vampire thing which is why im rewatching to check #bc i was reading iwtv and i was like damn carmilla left stuff on the table #but i also think a lot went over my head #even just english wise im a little stunned at how much i didnt catch. like i was fluent in 2015 for sure but. you do keep learning words #also carmilla is like a popculture remix and i dont have a lot of popculture knowledge so a lot of that went over my head too #now i have just enough to know that im missing a lot #like theres a line in s1 where laura goes 'im living with a vampire. an honest to lestat vampire' and like. never caught that #bc i didnt know how the fuck that was fhkjghgh #but anyway im watching s2 and laura's like 'vampire seductress here is just crabby bc im not falling for her 17th century idea of game'#and like they keep calling armand Ancient right? but carmilla is not much younger #just the difference in framing is what made me start thinking abt it all #like carmilla is 400smth and laura is aware abt that to joke abt it and probably thinks it's a little hot but then you think abt how they #depict that kinda age with armand like what he says to madeleine. 'how do you go on when everything from your era is gone'#and sure carmilla has that loneliness but DAMN. like fuck. shes been doing this same trick. being like the abigail hobbs to the dean for #centuries? i mean there was that century or idk how long where she was buried alive or whatever. but THAT TOO #like damn fuck!!!!!!!!!! ive been going through the fanfic again this week and like there really isnt much #at least doesnt seem to be much that explores this. unless it's in all the aus bc i filtered those out (and still got them)#also interesting difference is if i remember correctly the hollstein happy ending is that carmilla becomes human #in iwtv of course like every important relationship is between vampires. and every lover turns vampire. and every vampire is a lover #sorta. bc abuse themes and stuff. so the inversion makes sense but wouldnt it have been kinda cool if she turned laura tho #anyway. can you believe they were like 'well shes a cougar thats her job and also her supernatural power' dhfkhjgkh as i said: A*

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daisybell-on-a-carousel · 3 months ago

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Theyre going to think I like canon and purely canon if I keep going on like this

#i. despite my many complaints. do enjoy comics. and going into the Comic Reading Fandom #there is a shocking amount of people who are purely in the fandom but have never interacted with the source #while i do believe its fine to dabble in something you haven't seen the source for yet but plan to #being a creating active presence in fandom for something youre not a fan of. just doesn't sit with me #its just a bit baffling. to be a fan of the fandom amd never touch the canon #like lifelong christians who attend every service and judge others based on gods word. who have never even read the full bible.#its just all the pastors word and stories n verses they grew up with #thats exactly how i see it I fear #fanon dynamics and tropes heavily overwhelm the canon. and i tend to prefer the canon. so it gets frustrating #not to mention how many popular ones completely flip characters. reinforce stereotypes. have even more confusing timelines. etc #its like the online fan equivalent of years of domestication and breeding that turned wolves to pugs #not that extreme but you get me #i mess with canon. i like to get silly with it. i like to fuck around #plenty of things i dont like i Will ignore or rewrite! or make an au where i can do whatever on earth i want #i dont respect canon or think its the end all be all and if you step one foot out of line of canon ill maul you like an angry dog #its just like! maybe read the one singular comic issue youre about base your entire interpretation on the fanon version of #this is ending in just me complaining about titans tower yeah. sorry. its the prime example i fear #but at least its easy to filter out #man! if i just had a way to filter things out better..#sometimes it reaches the point where i consider just blocking the entire tim tag. sorry tim #i Will uplift the community i desire instead of focusing on my hatred and complaining!!#i just need to get out of art block and find cool blogs to follow that Get Me to help me out first!!#unfortunately i have a really weird complex about following people especially if they followed me first!!!#not sure what thats about!!#but ill get to the other things!!!#i am also just a complainer though !#and i get into arguments alot without realizing it because i love noting every detail and correcting people!!#i tried to put every william mention and appearance from tse in a google doc. and with ralpho. thsoe got much easier when i got #digital copies of the fnaf books. but what im saying is i LOVE having all the facts n details abt my blorbos. esp in over detailed notes.fu #havijg all the references on hand! and sharing my precious beautiful knowledge. carefully noted bc my poor memory. very delightful. fun!

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widevibratobitch · 1 year ago

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aaaaaaand it's starting. mom's bestie just texted me asking to come over this weekend cause it's Bad and it's probably the last chance to talk and maybe say goodbye to my mom's husband and i need to take care of her. god. i wont get through this weekend unless im high or drunk istg.

#time to slightly overdose my depression meds again ig lol #anyway. it is a little better with me these last two weeks. turns out the meds do work when you actually take em regularly #but first my best friend's break up that she's blowing up to unimaginable size #acting as if she just got divorced with the love of her life after 20 years #and not ended a few months long relationship with a guy who's been the source of most of her troubles since the moment they started dating #(ofc she's valid and id never tell her that because like. i get it. some people feel stuff more deeply. but its hard to be supportive #when you genuinely feel like this is the best possible outcome for her and that the relationship was only dragging her down all this time)#and now this. and this is gonna be infinitely worse. and then it's gonna get a million times worse when he actually does die.#and i feel like the worst most selfish person ever which like. probably am. but i did tell my cousin who actually knows my mom really well #and she said she understands and that my fears ARE valid because SHE'S terrified of how she's gonna handle my mom #and she wouldn't wanna be me in that situation cause it's gonna be so much worse for me lmao #like i feel like people who know my mother casually really dont understand just how unhinged emotionally she is #anyway. i feel so overwhelmed. i cant handle this jesus.#but im also emotionally unavailable and refuse to actually confide in another person because i dont want to be a bother <3333 #god i love tumblr. i can literally type anything in those tags lol it's the perfect form of venting since you can just scroll by #but i will still have let it out of myself anyway uwu i literally dont need that therapy fr #anyway. i feel so unbelievably fucking lonely and on one hand it's my own fault for withdrawing and refusing to ask for help.#but on the other hand. i AM alone. like there's no one who can help me in this particular situation.#i have no siblings. obviously my dad isnt gonna help. it all falls down to me. good god. i wanna throw up.

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caruliaa · 1 year ago

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i hate tht so much of my life has been me begging others to care about me the way theyre supposed to . i hate that instead of wishing i didnt have to i wish that for once theyd say yes

#aggh. tfw when u start talking more w ur parents esp ur mother who have deeply traumatised you in the past #and who you dint know if u can rly forgive even if they did ever apologixd #they r at least currently being rly nice and somewhat supportive #and you really need that rn after the most important person to u ended ur friendship with them #but then u think abt spending more time with them and do spend more time with them and enjoy it #and then u think aby how one day u r gonna give them they im queer accept it or bye #and you know they arent going to based on past reactions so it is def bye #but you realise ur starting to reach a point again where losing them from yr life is gonna be rly painful #and you dont know what to do bc its not that u cant stay in the closet for tht long #bc u can happily but u dont wanna like. come out and face tht regection later when it hurts more bc u got more attached #got just. fewlings r so stupid why do i like. care about anyone. all its ever gotten me is pain and hurt #its only ever made things worse caring sm i just wish i could turn it off #flappy rambles

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beeseverywhen · 2 years ago

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I mean like. Not to bring the mood down but... you guys know that's because American media is everywhere right? Like the world is unable to avoid some version of American accent on a regular basis. Of course ppl find it easy to mimic. This is absolutely not restricted to ppl in the UK, its really common for ppl who learn English as a foreign language to have perfect 'American actor' accents (cause the reason everyone's so good at the American accent that's expected of them as actors is cause at large there's little distinction between regions in the 'Hollywood accent' that ends up on TV and films and stuff. You guys have massive regional differences in pronounceation, but what makes it on to TV (in 9/10 cases) is a very standardised version of American English.)

But yeah. It's not just actors lol. Most British ppl can speak in a passable american accent, as can loads and loads of people worldwide. I'm not saying this to be like 'you should feel guilty! 😡' but it does always stun me when Americans are unaware of the impact their country has worldwide on all versions of English (and even on use of native languages. Many countries are using English more and more over their native languages and dialects , and yeah, historical colonialism has had an impact there.)

But in the last few decades things have progressed way way faster and that, is thanks to the impact of anglo/american/ect lead capitalism. I'm in no way dismissing the impact the UK has on this, but in recent years, its the US that is largely pushing that train .While the UK and several English speaking commonwealth countries are very involved in this kind of capitalist imperialism, there's a reason that more and more people are speaking American English. Not one of the many UK dialects, not Australian English, or NZ English. Across the world more and more people are increasingly speaking in the same standardised american dialect that's in so much of the media you export. Hollywood based media, with that standardised accent/ dialect and the standardised 'normal american life', has a stranglehold on the world and I just find it crazy that a lot of you guys don't even know.

It's stupid stuff like. So many countries are importing american cars and are widening their roads/ changing town planning to account for it (this is less of a thing in the UK but I see it more and more when I travel). Its the food becoming avaliable everywhere. Its the influence that for profit healthcare has even on countries with socialised health systems. Its houses being built to account for American style appliances. Fashion trends. Worldwide, everything is slowly evolving to be closer and closer to this 'American standard' which honestly? I really don't think actually represents the lives of real American people either. You've been turned in to products, the system has taken an unrealistic snapshot of 'American life' and it's being sold to you all day in day out, but it's also being sold to the rest of us. It's being pushed on us all.

Kids in the UK go through phases of talking only in American accents. Anyone born later than the 90s is carrying round 2 sets of spelling and vocab, cause we're all so used to the American way, that you barely know which one you're using half of the time. In the UK we have always had really strong regional accents yeah, and dialects differ between areas that seem tiny to you guys, I know. But like. Those dialects are being lost cause all UK accents are evolving to become closer to this standardised american and yeah not great, but at least we share a language! US American society is largely rooted in the same foundations as UK society, largely we have the same flaws! But oh my god. What about the rest of the world.

It's global. This impact continues to be seen, steamrollering ahead, in places that had completely different starting points. UK culture isn't that dissimilar to that of the US, so we aren't losing nearly as much as cultures that had something completely different. So much is being lost.

Languages and dialects and everything else is just being wallpapered over so we all meet the same ideal of the 'American life' and it's not even real! It's just a product based on how ppl were actually living in the US, manipulated until it's the most marketable mould. You guys are victims of it as well but like. It's based on your culture so you don't lose as much if you conform to it. Just like how in the UK, if we conform, we lose more than US, but nowhere near as much as countries that had languages, dialects and cultures that were so so different to UK/US culture. The less like the US, your starting point, the more there is to lose.

And look. I said it to start with. I'm not having a go. That's not what this is. But you guys really need to be aware, you need to make an effort to understand the impact that this plastic Hollywood american culture is having on the rest of the world. You need to actively look for it, and make an effort to not pay in to it. Because when Americans see other cultures represented in media and say its not relatable, when you guys go on holiday and make no effort to learn local customs, and try and pay in dollars and spend your time abroad like you're still in America, when you see cultural differences and immediately argue that the American way is better and of course everyone should have giant cars and never dry laundry outdoors and live in American style homes, without any kind of critical thought. Just 'this is how we do it so why wouldn't everyone else do it this way. This is the only way. The American way is obviously best.' When you guys do that you are individually feeding in to this absolute bulldozing of cultures (including American ones!) to allow for better marketability.

It isn't any one individual American citizens fault that things are the way they are, and you guys are victims of the same system, but you need to have some self awareness when it comes to the fact that as individuals you are unknowingly, helping driving this forwards and as individuals, there are things you can do to limit your personal impact (and no arguing that you have no culture is not it!!! Being all self deprecating doesn't do shit. Take some responsibility and accept that individual Americans didn't create this system, but currently, individual Americans really are doing their bit to keep promoting it, to keep pushing it on the rest of the world.

And I've already rambled for an age so I'll stop here but I just want to make clear as an ending note here, that this really isn't about piling on Americans and being all 'boo it's all America's fault. They should apologise. Their culture isn't worth anything.' Not at all this is the opposite of that. The fact that millions of Americans have been convinced you have no culture, all while a mimicry of American culture is plastered on to the rest of the world, and while you as individuals are encouraged to help that happen, often without even realising what you're doing; is a crime. You've been wronged, as have we all.

And America is not the problem. The problem is imperialism and it didn't start with you guys. It started in Europe, and Europeans, particularly British ppl, have a responsibility to push back and be self aware, take some fucking responsibility and not inadvertently keep feeding in to that system, just as you guys do. The US didn't start the fire, imperialist capitalism is a fire that started burning long before the United States was even considered, but its on all of us, to do what we can to not feed that fire. And right now? You guys are the face of it.

This idea of what America is, is the face of imperialistic capitalism, and that means that even if you don't mean to, you guys are feeding that fire more so than the rest of us. You're responsible for spreading it, more so than the rest of us. And if you don't step up and take responsibility, accept that you're gonna get it wrong sometimes and you need to try to do better; if we don't all do that. There will be nothing left. They'll paper over it all, the lives of real Americans just as much as those in Scotland and India and the Netherlands, and 100 other cultures, that are at risk, thanks to this fire, that's currently, largely coming from America.

So yeah. It's absolutely not just on you guys and ppl who act like there's no racism or wealth divide in Europe or anywhere else for that matter are complete idiots, however, this Americanisation of the world (and I hesitate to call it that. Because its not a representation of real American lives. Its simply wearing an American face.) Its real. It's happening.

And we don't tell you about it to make you feel guilty (those of us who aren't dicks at least) ,we are telling you. We are kicking up a fuss. Because it isn't fair. It's not right and while individual Americans ignore that and refuse to take responsibility where they can (small apples. We aren't asking for you to call a violent revolution in our names. Just take some time to learn about the rest of the world. Stop assuming America is always right and examine your biases. When you find them. Stop personally pushing them.) , while that is happening, as individuals, you are contributing to this. It's not even altruism. This system is hurting Americans too. It's hurting us all. All we ask is that you do what you can to not personally contribute, and keep an open mind, be aware. That's all any of us can do.

when a british actor does an american accent everyone’s like “i didn’t even know they were british until they were on colbert.” but when americans do a british accent everyone’s like “they’re supposed to be from east cocksford but their glottal e’s are north dicksford. shameful.”

#so yeah sorry to rant but honestly #I'm so tired of ppl refusing to take responsibility on every side of this #imperalistic cruel capitalist regimes going 'well hey. at least we aren't America. this is their fault.'#meanwhile. Americans contribute to the bulldozing of their own cultures to make room for a capitalist monster wearing them as a mask #and if you call out any Americans or make them aware of something they are doing individually that isn't helping. it's either #refusing to see/ accept their own bias. or just as bad! yes! just as bad!!! america is beyond help. there's nothing worth saving #nothing we can do. that's bullshit and making stupid excuses like 'oh our schools don't teach us to respect other cultures'#'we don't know how.' fucking learn! try! that's all anyone asks of you. nobody cares about your schooling. school is shit for working class #ppl in most countries!#you think the english curriculum is any more balanced? we're subjects of a colonial empire. it's propaganda and its not even competent!#i don't think the average American understands how many more hours of schooling they get vs a lot of places. I'm not saying it's right #but teaching time? you guys have longer school days and you stay in school till youre older. our national curriculum ends the year we turn #16 in the UK. year 11 finishes in June. you can leave school 2 months shy of 16 to get a supermarket job. (and many working class ppl do)#and our government still pat themselves on the back and say its eqv. to high school finishing at 18 in other countries. like for context.#i haven't had a geography lesson since i was 13. my last english lesson? i was 15. that's completely normal here. so yeah. the #'our schooling was shit so we can't use Google to learn a bit of geography' falls pretty fucking flat. sorry.#they should have done better by you but they didn't. join the queue. do what you can and take some fucking responsibility now #the only way out of this is for us all. American and otherwise. to do what we can. be self aware. try to be better. keep learning #because if you fall to apathy? capitalism wins. if you believe the propaganda? capitalism wins. if capitalism wins we all lose #the system is designed to wear you down so you're too tired to remember that it doesn't have to be this way.#that's been happening for decades and it's why things are such a mess now. the only way out. is remember there is a way out #climb towards it. do what you can. it seems like low hanging fruit. it doesn't look like enough to change anything.#but there are more ppl being hurt by this system than those benefiting. 99% of us. if everyone picks an apple. that's a lot!#that's a fucking lot! keep going even when it seems like you aren't making progress. make your voice heard. vote. don't passively support a #system that's on its way to destroying you. destroying us all. do what you've got to do to live. but don't forget that all the things that #seem like they don't matter? really really do matter once you add up everyone's contributions. you can't control other ppls actions only #your own. but your contribution matters. your vote matters. your voice matters. join the union. educate yourself. stay curious. question.#the informations out there go online learning 1 thing. challenging 1 bias is better than all or nothing. i dont have time to learn anything #small apples. low hanging fruit. the oceans made up of billions of drops. the longer you don't try. the longer you've no chance of success #we can do better. we can absolutely all do better.

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