#i dont really care if i lose money id go if im able

[ocdhuacheng]

i love looking up uchi-con in the artist alley discord servers im in bc ppl always have nice things to say about it i feel like such a proud mom. thats my baby <3

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Okay here's one. I really dont think I'm the asshole but my ex sure does.

AITA for refusing to buy my partner a jar of pickles?

So this story has like, a little background and some confounding factors i think but i really could go both ways on whether i was the asshole.

Ill start with both my ex (21nb) and i (23f) had severe mental health issues and were working on treatment when we were together. Theyd been in and out of inpatient stays throughout our three year relationship. Towards the Day of Pickles, i had my first inpatient stay where i got help i desperately needed to keep myself safe. This happened to be about a week after my 23rd birthday, but about two and a half weeks before their 21st birthday.

Anyway, at that time i had just gotten out of the hospital and started a new job at Joanns Fabrics (i outlived that retail fucker and im proud of it). I had been unemployed for the previous year and a half because of the pandemic and so the retail job was really my saving grace to have some sort of income to buy gas and groceries. My parents let me live rent free with them in their basement but i spent a LOT of time essentially squatting at my ex's dorm because my situation with my parents was not great.

Now my ex was also being financially abused by their mom so they had a monthly "allowance" of 200$ (of their own money they made at their on campus job) and no access to their bank statements. So i spent a lot of my own money on gas and groceries for both of us, and anything we wanted to do for fun, like visit the city. Without an income, this was SUPER stressful for me and i spiraled pretty hard with feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. Supporting two people, even minimal living expenses, on an income of exactly 0$ is the WORST.

Anyway, i got out of the hospital and pretty much immediately went back to picking up as many shifts as i could at work because id been on staff for all of two weeks before hospitalization. Knowing retail, i was probably on the precipice of losing hours or being fired altogether.

My ex wanted me to take time off to celebrate their 21st birthday (they didnt celebrate my birthday that year) and travel to see their family and drink etc. I got scheduled for an inconvenient time. I would have to miss their birthday if i didnt find someone to cover. I managed to switch shifts with another coworker who was nice enough to let me have her morning shift, so i was able to at least travel separately and be a little late to dinner.

The night of their birthday my ex wanted to get drunk and so we went to the liquor store. Now im generally pretty picky about alcohol but if i get anything special i always get enough to share. Mysteriously, no one ever offers to share the expense or pay me back. So with all of 150$ in my account, i purchased enough alcohol for myself and the rest of the party, and a bottle of (cheap af) liquor for myself. I was broke af until my next paycheck and was pretty much planning on giving up meals and staying at home because the commute to work was shorter and meant less gas.

My ex picked out a jar of boozy pickles and asked if i would get it for them for their birthday. I should note that with all the stress i was under i had found a birthday present for them but hadnt actually placed the order (was waiting to get paid). I also didnt lie to them about this and had told them that i hadnt gotten their birthday present yet. They were upset by this and told me they felt like i didnt care about them, to which i snapped and raised my voice a little.

I gave them a bit of a reality check. I told them in no uncertain terms that i was under a lot of stress, from nearly killing myself to being flat broke with little to no help from my family other than a conditional roof over my head, ordering their birthday present wasnt super high on my list of things to do and that i knew what i was going to get them and that i intended to order it as soon as i had the money to do so. After years of the sole attention being focused on keeping them alive, i needed some support and acting like i didnt care completely ignored EVERYTHING i did to keep us both afloat.They cried and played the victim as they tended to do and i was too stressed to do anything but be angry.

So when they asked for the pickles i told them no. I have NOTHING left in my bank account, and anything that was in my account was already allocated for something else.

They told me i was being selfish for buying myself alcohol on THEIR birthday, not even getting them a present, yelling at them, and then refusing to buy the one thing they asked for, especially after i refused to take off work the day before to hang out with them and their family. In front of our friends.

I told them that i was purchasing the alcohol for the whole party, that the present had slipped my mind, and that they were accusing me of not caring about them when i snapped. Then i walked out.

My bff went outside to help me cool down and i told him what was going on and how stressed i was and he said that he agreed with me, it was childish to expect me to pay for everything with no help from anyone and then act like im unreasonable for having to put limits on what i can purchase.

My ex ended up getting so pissed by all of this they broke up with me two days later, saying that their birthday was the final straw for them after I'd been so codependent and relying on them too much to survive.

I think its all ridiculous given all of the stress factors i was dealing with at the time. I feel like we're all entitled to the occasional emotional outburst/bouts of forgetfulness when we're stressed. But my ex seems to think im a selfish asshole. We've been no contact for the last two years so this isnt like a pressing concern or anything but it does make me roll my eyes occasionally.

So tumblr, aita?

(Btw im also much more financially stable now that I'm fully and properly medicated and away from them.)

[triplegoths]

untagged

i cant fucking take living like this anymore

i cant do it i have to end it soon theres literally nothing for me here anymore. its too much to do. im never gonna fucking have another close in real life relationship.

i want to just like order some food at work so im not more miserable being here but i dont have the strength or stomach to eat something. ill eventually try maybe. i dont know. the drugs make me not eat like a fucking sick dog already and everything rn just says i dont deserve it

i have no motive or energy to do anything but work or somethimes playing a game but even that were usually unable bc were too tired.

whats the fucking issue with me!!!! i just dont give a shit anymore i dont want to do anything nothing makes me happy everythinf eventually juat makes me feel scared and sick and weird. every time i try to make fun or have plans it goes horrible and it just feels worse so i wont anymore ill just fucking rot alone like life wants me to

nobody here can help me and if i could i couldnt afford it so who fucking cares its cheaper to kill myself and lose the body so they dont need funeral costs. theyd misgender and shave me anyway probably

im just so fucking over it all im never gonna be happy like this. i got nothing. theres no good its just working til i fucking kill myself and putting myself through fuxking agony constantly for a life that continues to just KICK AND KICK AND KICK AND KICK me when im fucking down. i cant handle anything else happening. im trying so hard to get things done and theres just fuxking nothing. i will never ever be enough and ill never feel enough.

doesnt matter what or when or the circumstance its so depressing that its not just romantic relations too im so fuckinf scared in groups i automatically feel unwelcome and hated and like i should just go off by myself because im literally so unlikeable and everything has proved it forever. like genuinely as soon as i realized there were more than 2 people i got terrified and started questioning everythinf i did and wanted to run away bc i felt like i wasnt meant to be there and it was ovipus and i was being annoying like fucking ALWAYS GOD IM SO SICK OF BEING LIKE THIS can i just shut up forever? dirk please come back to front im tired of annoying all the people who so graciously allow me to exist around them so i dont have to be in such crushing loneliness all the time i feel like such a fucking baby and everybody probably thinks im such an annoying drug addict too can i just quit it and fucking feel and then kill myself already when i realize its worse

like im never gonna be able to afford any of the shit i need to heal and i dont even wanna try bc ill get 3 appointments in and will run out of money and continue doing that and then ill die bc i cant afford anything else. like why would i do that to myself ill just suffer like this and just do my best forever til i can only rot. id rather get it fuckinf over with and just die now. this isnt a life

i go frm one box go another. rotting. i rot at home alone or i go to work alone. i dont really go out. i dont really talk to anybody. i dont really see anybody. i have 1 irl friend who talks to me and lives in town. the other i dont see her often and honestly feel so embarassed of myself around her because of how i am that i can barely convince myself to see her sometimes even if she is in town. the other person is one of my exs and he doesnt give a shit about me he just wants sex bc thats the only thing im good for. i feel like i just annoy and make everybody uncomfortable conwtantly i dont wanna do it anymore i want to shut up

i always do it i always just talk endlessly frm the second i fucking could before most kids could talk even and i just never shut up did i? my parents were always annoyed by me talking about things that brought me joy (and they never believed me for things that were upsettinf and it was just fake and i needed to be quiet about it bc theyre not taking me to the doctor. so i stopped talking about it to my family and everybody else in my life in that era did the same. the bullies. my friends who ignored me. no matter the form it was always like that i just need to learn to keep quiet and go away and not need anything ever again. i couldnt fucking learn it every time i got a red or yellow card for talking (usually trying to ask questions bc i didnt understand or couldnt see or couldnt hear in elementary school. or to make conversation bc i was friendly and had no friends and my parent didnt play with me so i was lonely. nobody ever liked me bc i was weird. i feel like such a bitter dickhead but i get so jealous when i see that people talk to others every day. especially in person. im so fucking alone i literally get so excited when people want to call with me even if it makes me really scared (and sometimes if im not comfortable enough or feeling sad i will run a away from that too because im so scared to fuckinf annoy people and say something stupid or be boring or trying too hard or just fucking being a total downer because theres nothing good ever going on for me. i got so depressed goin on bsky today and seeing everyone playing webfishing when i cant. but even so lik.e maybe im glad i djdnt join bc one of them was in a big group with new mut and then all strangers so like. its better i wasnt able to bc i would probably jusg feel worse and run away frm everyone bc i feel inadequate snd guilty for taking up space. i always feel like im bothering everyone no matter what. fuck my exhusband in general but he also made me so much more insecure than i was already. he made me feel so annoying and he broke my communication. i was alone with him and JUST him for so long. i could only communicate in nonsense phrases sometimes (literal jibberish not memes) because thats all he would respond to or wouldnt talk to me until i did. he changed my whole pattern of speech and i still almost lapse into it sometimes. it was never any kind of real conversation about anything i felt like it withered my brain. nothing ever in depth just stupid sensless bullshit and jokes (that were often insulting me and made me feel like shit) and i was doing it for fucking nothing because everything else sucked too!!!! the only time there was ever a conversation was when i was BEGGING HIM to stop sometbing or do something for the millionth time. or him defending himself or trying to force my support and trigger my ocd (i genuinely think he was trying to make it worse he never respected it ever he mever respected a single part of me) or him fighting with me on something again (usually the thing was due to him and i just was not being forgiving and quiet and turning off my emotions enough about it. learned numb happiness)

my existence is like a plague and theres nothing here for me. theres even less left of me after he got done with me. he stripped my personality all the way down and forcef me to mirror him. everythinf will always be rotted and ill feel like a horrid shell of a person any time im near anyone. the only option is being alone. maybe this time i will learn and just fuxking stop all of this so we can stop being a curse on everybody. even if i could afford mental help theres nobody that can help me here so its all a waste. i feel like everybody will just hurt me again. doesnt even have to be a partner i feel like every single person is gnna realize sooner or later that im not worth it or they dont like me (ir even hate me) and that im just too fucking annoying to be around

i dont want to be annoying anymore. i wish it was like right after he went to prison again when i didnt have anything and was an empty shell and had nothing to say or talk about that wasnt venting. i wish i never got back some of my "sparkle" or whatever the fuck people call it. mines not a sparkle. its a noxious cloud of toxic annoyance fumes and everybody just has to keep their masks up til i vacate the area. why would i ever fucking want this to come back. i need to shut the fuck up i really do. just take our personality and every crumb of joy again im so sick of it. make it so i dont have any of those thoughts to even post. thus sparing everyone from having to be like "UGH this motherfucker AGAIN. does he ever shut the fuck up? is he ever quiet? can he just log off already? this guy definitely has no life. why does he always have to butt into everything"

that way i can just post like. the shortest most boring updates ever like "back to work! only 3 days this week for the 39 hours. more time off is always good" and then shut up for days and then "got paid nice. going to the bank and then grabbing a few groceries" like thats do much better. nobody needs to fucking know man its sad and depressing and all the same OR you are the most obnoxious prick on any site youre ever and you ruin everybodys day when theyre forced to see you in their notifs or on their timeline

ive probably already muted me bc it didnt even take a week for me to just talk way too muxh when none of of it is important and nobody wants to hear it

even if im not allowed to talk frm my body. its already annoying enough in text and then psyically i just stutter and trip over myself or cant think or forget what i was saying

i wanna delete everything i have and crawl into the earth. i hate being alive. the one time i find something that makes me happy even the littlest bit i cant do it anymore. disallowed by the universe and painfully reminded of the fact im supposed to alone and theres actually nothing for me. it doesnt get better for me it only gets worse. and it makes me feel stupid for believing it could even though thats few and far between. theres nothing left for me i need to just get whatever drugs i decide on and have one last hoorah and take enough to kill me. which hopefully wont even be that hard because im mixing downers and uppers constantly so like its only a matter of time right. my nose hurts and i feel like crying and my body is killing me again so im taking both things again. one for pain. one for maybe like. a little bit of energy but mainly so i dont feel so absolute shit. i just want it all to stop i dont wanna get better anymore im sick of it every time i try i get fucking worse or am crushed by something else even harder than before im DONE WITH IT IM FUCKING OVER IT i just wanna end it theres nothing fucking here for me im never making it. im sick of trying. im sick of always helping even while going through the wordt shit imaginable. im not sick of it. i want to help and i love helping. but it makes me fucking SICK to think about how ive spent my whole life caring for others. have been let down or ignored or told i was lying or had them hurt me instead so many times over i just fucking wish i was important enough to have gotten help when i needed it. to be listened to enough for somebody to even acknowledge or believe there is an issue (or simply convince me im overreacting)

it was fucking stupid of me to think my last ditch effort of doing art school because every other thing i failed miserably at because im too stupid and cant do enough and dont have the support. it doesnt even fucking matter bc my body is slowly and slowly getting closer to just saying "no fuck you" to the art i NEVER HAD TIME TO MAKE TO MY FULL ABILITY IN THE FIRST PLACE. and then ill never be able to do it ever again because i cant get help

i am going to die knowing i never finished a single thing in my life and nobody will ever know what i was capable of.

i want to die in the most painful and uncomfortable way possible because its what i deserve. its the only thing i truly deserve. i need to endanger myself more than i already do obviously its not killing me fast enough if im still kicking and dragging myself across the pavement. i should be dragged along the pavement by a semitruck instead.

i wanna kill myself so bad tonight man. im gonna try not to bc my friend really needs me rn. but i really might relapse. im so fucking tired i want to just go and sleep but ill stay up just for that. i should just cut a vein already why do i care about beinf careful. there was a thing i wanted to do... cut myself with a razor right after i use it to chop **** because maybe itll make me feel good when im not or just fuck my heart enough to make me faint or do smth stupider

ive been writing this for so long im fucking done. i got 2.5 more hours here. i hope i find my mouse when i go home so i change my mind but i honestly really just want to end it right now. im at the end of the line really. im gonna work til i die and never get a break

"everyday it feels like noone sees and noone knows. every day i kinda wanna cancel the show." /lyr

please for the love of god like this if you read all of it i just spilled my whole guts and not even well

[nietr]

i really hope you have a good day and nobody has to go through the grief on par with what i have gone through, losing the mother and love of your life before said child even reaches the age of 2....

I will forever hold this heartbreak.

like, having your heart broken by breakup is hard, it hurts.. but be thankful for all the loved ones in your life. you never know when their last day on earth could be, or when yours could be.

Everyone thinks they're the main character and nothing like that will happen to them, or if it does it will be far, far in the future or they will have some kind of time to prepare somehow.

sometimes, maybe you won't. it is the worst pain you could possibly go throug emotionally.

I hope everyone is having a good, stress-free or mostly stress free Monday.

As for my mutuals, I see you, and I do enjoy seeing your likes pop up, i do notice you all.

I just wanted to spread some love while im sitting here grieving a little bit.

This has been the hardest year of my life. I lost my baby mama, I had to go to rehab so I could get full custody of my son, which I had no problem with but it sucked having to be in rehab with no support at all and missing my son, get clean and off drugs and stop partying for good, and then come home and take care of my son full time until he can go to school because i dont have money for daycare and all that (which I love, don't get me wrong, but I have no time to do any kind of adult stuff at all so that gets rough, I get cabin fever a lot) and I did this all while freshly grieving my loss. Right now I can't even get a part time job because I have to stay at home and watch my son. Nobody in my family is in stable condition to watch a two year old, my grandma just had a stroke even.. she jus got out of the hospital a few days ago.

I swear, my family is cursed. I have a lot of family members that have passed away and it sucks... luckily my son is the light of my life and he gets my everything.

And if anyone wishes to donate to me, as times are hard right now. The only benefits I get is a survivors benefit cheque every month and its just enough to pay for bills, essentials, etc. If anything ever came up, I'd never be able to afford anything. I'm not asking, or begging, or building a sob story. I could just use help and I know some people have a lot more than they need and its their right to hold onto it if they want. That's your money. But if you wish to help somebody in need, and vaguely know them, my cashapp is ~ $N7Tr.

Love u guys.

iono, just thought id ramble for a sec, needed to just... vent. thatisall

[tornad001]

see i think about what ppl mean when they say "evil" and then i look at republicans talking about how children should go hungry cuz their parents need to work harder, and how queer ppl r all groomer pedos from the mouth of friend of epstein trump, and how oil billionaires should actually be able to set the planet on fire literally just for their bank accounts sake, and at restricting abortion while doing nothing to help ppl who wanna keep their kids, and the child marriage laws they defend, and all the other heinous shit they wanna do and openly talk about wanting to do. and i look at their motivations for doing it and its time and again power, control over others, and usually money. and i think when u look at all of that and then u think about how ppl use the term "evil" and if it can't be applied to them, then who can it be applied to?

now im a moral antirealist, i dont think right and wrong are set in stone in the universe, its an intersubjective game. theres nothing objectively wrong with ruining the world for profit, its only wrong cuz most everyone agrees its wrong and cuz it goes against my ungrounded and ungroundable basic axioms of freedom and equity, but its not objectively wrong cuz morality isnt a game of objectivity. so given that i don't actually believe that "good" and "evil" really exist, it becomes a shorthand that references that intersubjectivity. i don't call them evil ontologically, but descriptively. they weave evil into the world through their actions. and there's lots of times in which the motivations or inner psychology or whatever else matters when doing analysis. but there's also lots of times where it's sufficient to descriptively say "they're evil" cuz they're doing evil.

they can stop, evil isn't written into ur genetics, but as long as they continue to try their absolute hardest to make the world as worse a place for everybody as they can possibly manage, it will always be easier to call them evil. as i said, sometimes ur analysis calls for a little more nuance, but its pretty incredible how often you lose nothing by doing the informed simplicity.

so i ask u, if we can't call republicans evil, who can we? is it like... hitler and only hitler? or do u just not like the use of the word evil at all? which would be a fair position, albeit one that i don't respect. as long as ppl care about the terminology of good and evil, its a rhetorical tool to be used by those of us who don't actually buy the premise of the good vs evil dichotomy. if u think calling republicans evil is rhetorically ineffective, again, a fair position, but not one id agree with. i think its phenomenal for drawing into clarity the utter absurdity and anti-life basis of literally all conservative politics. (also i don't morally judge them for their evil cuz they were groomed into it, they're as much victims of the abuse as they are perpetuators of it)

tldr; i agree the concept of an "evil person" doesn't exist, but so long as we're in a paradigm of using the language of morality, im not gonna hamstring my rhetorical efficacy by not calling heinous shit evil. i don't think u gain anything politically by avoiding it, cuz the christian right isn't gonna stop calling us evil groomer pedos. also, to a very large degree, i don't care about political efficacy because what i write on tumblr is for me to express my feelings (sometimes that takes the form of hate towards evil things), and in my day to day life i don't talk to anyone, much less about politics, who isn't already mostly in agreement with me. there's many talented ppl out there who're great at reaching the other side, but that's not me and i don't try to be that. i like nuance when i think it's deserved or needed, but the republican party does not deserve my nuance in this respect. they're evil, and i'm not gonna stop saying it until it stops being tru

Some people’s political opinions can really just be boiled down to “can anybody tell me who the good guys and the bad guys are”

[xxxg0ryygurlll13xxx]

so last night was the shit show of the united states presidential debate between the 2 inevitable candidates

and yes as funny as it is that it went so horribly and has funny as the mems are, this really isnt funny. we are literally doomed. theres no way around it. neither candidate will probably even live thru a full term but the damage the one could do would be so horrifically devastating it wont matter how short the term was. also both will lead us to war. and if putin doesnt kick the bucket soon NATOs gonna end up in WWIII. the only thing keeping countries like the US, Russia, North Korea etc from nuclear war is the mutually assured destruction of it. and trust that these men are just unhinged enough to put those keys in and press that button. as much as id love to think that ill be able to grow old and be happy i doubt ill live past 40 at this rate. this election is between a lunatic, unhinged, lying, womanizer who only cares about himself and a geriatric old man who entertains the lunatic. the worlds gonna end one day and that day seems to be getting closer and closer. we have 5 years before our climate damage is irreversible and no ones gonna do jack shit about it. ive accepted that within the next 30 years i will likely lose not only my rights as a human being but also my life at the hands of lunatic old men who have no sense of humanity. whether the nuclear war kills me, the boiling of the planet, or my own hand to avoid options 1 and 2 ive accepted i probably wont die peacefully at 104 in my sleep. ive accepted death as ive accepted i wont bring children into this awful world, ill never be able to buy a house, and ill be drowning in debt for the rest of my life regardless of how much i make. i try to think of the more immediate future like college and career options but i cant help but think abt these things. im 16 and worried about my future rights as a citizen, world war 3, nuclear holocausts, fascism in america and my inevitable death. i wish i could have some semblance of secruity in my government and in the world but at this point i dont even bother having hope. i want to change it somehow but unfortunately i worry that by the time i can change anything it will be too late. for fucks sake the 10 commandments are now required in louisianna classrooms and in ohio you must teach the bible in public schools. women and babies in the US are dying at an insane rate since the overturn of row v wade (americas federal protection of abortions) project 2025 just straight up exists and makes sure that not only do i not have rights as a woman, a member of the LGBT+ community but also that im a criminal by birth because my parents are 2 diff faiths. trump a felon and presidential candidate has called my fathers people vermin, sees women as playthings and only cares about himself and money. if there is one human on this planet that i thing god truly made a mistake in creating its him. tbh with everything going on in the world im not sure i believe in a god anymore (something that could also be a crime in project 2025). and haha yea laugh at america the laughing stock of the world, the meth lab that lives under canada but god help us if he becomes president. ive mentioned before that if that happens mt family will literally have to flee the states. imagine that, political refugees from the so called land of the free. despite the fact that both candidates suck one is significantly better than the other. if youre a US citzen over 18 PLEASE PLEASE VOTE BLUE.

american politics is a joke and its citizens are the punchline.

[onmymasa22]

Heres my thoughts right now.

Today you will not carry negetivity or anger. Believing in hashem means you know that everyone gets what is coming to them and everything is going according to the plan. You dont need to understand the plan or agree with humans. Everything that needs to happen will happen. I will breathe through today.

I want a year of knowing someone before marrying him. Like the whole process to take a year. I want us to see eachother when we're sick or angry or have a fight. I want something healthy with tough convos and upfront in your face past the honeymoon phase. I just know that once im married, we're a team- no my money verses ur money, its all together, my debts r ours, my bonuses r ours, i want to be enmeshed. Not clingy, just inlove. I see us spending time apart, but it should be that wed always rather be together.

Plaka neighborhood

Trading 50 jews for 150 Palestinians doesnt make sense to me. That means that i as a woman am worth 3 terrorists.

I love people because i love.

אני מעדיף לדבר איתך ב-4:44 בבוקר, אם צריך

מאשר לדבר בהלוויה שלך.

אין דבר יותר גרוע מלאבד חבר או חברה

שחשבו שאין להם עם מי לדבר.

הטלפון שלי דולק,

הדלת פתוחה

וכוס קפה אפשר למזוג בכל שעה

או להקשיב לך בטלפון.

בואו נתמוך אחד בשני.

תפרסמו את ההודעה הזו

כדי להראות שאתם תמיד שם כשמישהו צריך (ואתם יכולים).

תהיו כאן עבור מי שצריך.

כוחנו באחדותנו

I would rather speak to you at 4:44 in the morning, if you need, than to speak at your funeral.

Theres nothing worse than to lose a friend who thought that they had no one to speak to.

My phone is on,

The door is open,

And a cup of coffee can be poured at any hour

Or to listen to you on the phone.

Lets trust each other

Share this message to show that you will always be there if someone needs (and you are able).

Be there for those who need.

Our power is in our unity

Here's my turn to talk, and id appreciate your hearing what i have to say. Theres a few things you should know:

They offered to take care of zc during the week for those few weeks and you said no because she doesnt do so well after arie crown. Daddy finished learning halfway through all of shas and there was a big siyum for all of chicago on the 9th but mommy didnt want him to go because she thought maybe the Palestinians would show up there, so they made up that hed celebrate the finishing of half shas on sunday with rabbi hamoui (they didnt celebrate with everyone on thursday because one of the regulars was out of town Thursday). The library was an emergency to do that sunday because the Venezuelan guy who finished the deck was also able to take down the library, and it will cost mommy and daddy 1000 dollars versus quotes of costing 8000 by other people. this guy can only do it when its not raining or snowing, so he needed to start knocking it down on while the weather was still good because he cant be on the roof or really do any of it in the rain, and if it would be postponed, the guy would disappear, go to someone else, or the weather would get too bad. So we didnt love being rushed, but sunday was an emergency of getting all the library stuff into the den. No one told you not to come, i think they just told you that that's what was going on. Daddy going to see pa was an emergency just like wjen you were in a car accident was an emergency that daddy left work for when he knew. I dont think anyone knew that this was an emergency. I think everyone thought that when u didnt respond, that meant u were ok, and if it was an emergency, u would have said something in response. If anyone knew it was an emergency, mommy wouldve left work to look after zc. I dont think she knew that it was a- go right now to look after zc- situation. If she did, she wouldve done that in a second. From what i understand, the only times you wanted to bring zc over so you could study were those two sundays. The first sunday she came and i took her to the park, we wanted to have pizza for dinner to celebrate daddys half of shas as a family, but in the end he really didnt feel good, and i didnt either, so we didnt do it. I think we watched zc for as long as we could cuz she didnt want to do anything- she didnt want to take a nap, didnt wanna go on the swings, didnt want to eat. So she went on the slide a few times and then we watched elmo. I can really understand how sucky it is to see someones huge family and know that we dont have that. I think its totally normal to lose trust or alter ur relationship with someone who tried to hurt u. I dont know how fair it is when no one meant to hurt you. I think that they were unaware of how much of an emergency sunday was for you to be able to study, and u were unaware of how important the siyum for daddy finishing half of shas and getting the library cleared was. You didnt have all the facts, and they didnt have all the facts for mommy to know to leave immediately. Its a huge misunderstanding. I hope that knowing this will take a little bit of the hurt and disappointment away. Thats my only goal here, i really dont want u feel pain. I get that having a newborn and a toddler and having a job and taking the test is really a lot. I just want to help this from being another thing added to the list. But in the end, you get to choose what relationships u want with everyone, and what relationships ur kids have with everyone.

I feel like people think im super zionistic

Ok i just talked to a guy on the phone. My voice wasnt shaking. Definitely progress.

Me: im not really zionistic. I just didnt grow up with israeli flags or knowing any Hebrew. Its just not something that ever made me feel anything, and i cant make myself feel something i dont.

Hashem how am i ok. How i am i ok when theres a war. How am i ok when most of my things were thrown out. Yes i fell apart. Yes its hard when you know you wont find the blankets you bought. I wont have the pillows or coats.

I happen to just be obsessed with Jews. I think we are smarter, funnier, more irritating, more caring than any other nation. Israel just has a huge population

U can ask my parents how surprised they were when i said i wanted to move there immediately. It was a total shock because i was signed up to get a four year degree in art. But after learning about israel

In my personal opinion:

Israel is like a furnished apartment. Like the apartments that you see on yad2 where the ad says, "just bring your suitcase, it's totally ready. All that's missing is you". Israel is a country built with the ease of a Jew in mind. You get to act as Jewish as you want- leave early on holidays, take off a bit for your kids bris, the food in the supermarket is kosher, when you walk into a building, you're not the only Jew. I didn't grow up with any of that, and I don't really call myself zionistic. I can't help it, I didn't grow up with flags or knowing the words to hatikva. All I knew was riding camels and that you could ski and swim on the same day. Some Jews live in Israel. Some are stuck outside due to the war. Some go to Israel on trips, and some never go. It's ok to be in Israel, and it's ok to not. Either way you are doing your best. It's special to just know that it's there, like an apartment ready for you to just show up should you be there. I dont know if ill live anywhere else. Maybe I'll live in Cancun, or Paris, or Miami- I have no idea, I'm just here for the ride. But israel is special. There's a completeness in being israel.

its just missing you. To me, thats something that makes israel very special

. But i love israel because i love that israel has lots of jews, and that its the center of us, and that it feels like its always sitting there waiting for us. Whether we are living there, stuck outside because of the war, come on visits, or don't go ever: its always ready for you, whenever and ifever you decide to be there. Like a furnashed apartment. Israel is there, and will always be there. All thats missing is you, and thats the completeness feeling i get when I'm there. Maybe you do too.

When someone does something evil like the school does to me, either you have special needs and youre not aware that what youre doing isnt ok, or it will take you a few more lifetimes to fix what you did. In the end, its not about me, i dont judge you.

Yosef and Yehuda had an ongoing argument about which tribe will produce future kings. Yehuda said it will come from him Yosef said it should come from him because number one, he's a perfect tzaddik, and number two, he knows how to deal with the other nations from his time in Egypt. Spoiler alert, Yehuda wins. Why, you ask? Yosef passed all his tests. Because of this, he would have no mercy or empathy for someone who had a hard life or who made a mistake. He would have been: "You think you had it hard? I had it way worse!" and, "I came out on top, what's your excuse?!" Yehuda made a mistake with Tamar and did teshuva. That's the leader of a nation. We need someone who understands our mistakes and can guide us thrugh it all. Why did Hashem make Moshe the leader of the Jews? The medrash says that when he was a shepherd and one of the sheep strayed, he carried the sheep back to the flock on his shoulders. That's very nice but he was definitely not the only sheppard who cared about sheep. Lots of sheperds care, it's part of the day job. But the medrash continues on that on the way back, Moshe told the sheep, "I must not have given you enough time to drink before, because had I given you enough time, you wouldn't have had to go off alone". Not only does Moshe care, but he takes on the sheeps mistake as his own. That's a leader. That's who is the leader of people. Not someone who's perfect. Someone who knows how to make a mistake and come back from it. That's who will help others come back from their mistakes.

Yosef and Yehuda had an ongoing argument about which tribe will produce the future kings. Yehuda said that it will come from him. Yosef said that it will come from him because number one, he was a perfect tzaddik. And number two, he knows how to deal with the other nations of the world from his time in Egypt. SPOILER ALERT, Yehuda wins this argument.

Here's why. Yosef passed all his tests, came out, YOU ASK? YOSEF PASSED ALL HIS TESTS. BECAUSE OF THIS, HE WOULD HAVE NO MERCY OR EMPATHY FOR SOMEONE WHO HAD A HARD LIFE OR WHO MADE A MISTAKE. HE WOULD HAVE BEEN: "YOU THINK YOU HAD IT HARD? I HAD IT WAY WORSE!" AND, "I CAME OUT ON TOP, WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?!" YEHUDA MADE A MISTAKE WITH TAMAR AND DID TESHUVA. THAT'S THE LEADER OF A NATION. WE NEED SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS OUR MISTAKES AND CAN GUIDE US THRUGH IT ALL. WHY DID HASHEM MAKE MOSHE THE LEADER OF THE JEWS? THE MEDRASH SAYS THAT WHEN HE WAS A SHEPHERD AND ONE OF THE SHEEP STRAYED, HE CARRIED THE SHEEP BACK TO THE FLOCK ON HIS SHOULDERS. THAT'S VERY NICE BUT HE WAS DEFINITELY NOT THE ONLY SHEPPARD WHO CARED ABOUT SHEEP. LOTS OF SHEPERDS CARE, IT'S PART OF THE DAY JOB. BUT THE MEDRASH CONTINUES ON THAT ON THE WAY BACK, MOSHE TOLD THE SHEEP, "I MUST NOT HAVE GIVEN YOU ENOUGH TIME TO DRINK BEFORE, BECAUSE HAD I GIVEN YOU ENOUGH TIME, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO GO OFF ALONE". NOT ONLY DOES MOSHE CARE, BUT HE TAKES ON THE SHEEPS MISTAKE AS HIS OWN. THAT'S A LEADER. THAT'S WHO IS THE LEADER OF PEOPLE. NOT SOMEONE WHO'S PERFECT. SOMEONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO MAKE A MISTAKE AND COME BACK FROM IT. THAT'S WHO WILL HELP OTHERS COME BACK FROM THEIR MISTAKES.

-Rabbi Wallerstein

School starts in a week and i want to be an artist. Ill show up to school as soon as i can. They can fail me if they want to. But i need to do kibbud av vaem. At 120.5 when i die, i wont be asked if i graduated college. It doesn't actually matter. But i want to know that i did kibbud av vaem. Its always a dance between living the life i want to live and making my parents happy.

Hashem i dont want to be angry. I want this to be my last gilgul. I am so close to you. This past shabbat i started shabbat later than i was supposed to, but i kept it till the end. I hope next week it gets better. I just need to try and be a good person. Be more loving. Be more learned. Be more devoted. Be more caring and gentle and doing the right thing. Just be nice. Be free. And nice. And pretty. And loving.

Don't treat people as bad as they are, treat them as good as you are

There is truth, there is the truth of the truth, and there is peace. The truth is "the boy stole an apple". The truth of the truth is "the boy was hungry". Peace is "nobody stole anything, now give the boy an apple" rabbi nachman

I have a question: if the mizbeach

What happened to the mishkan?

If moshe wouldve built the bais hamikdash and it wouldnt have been destroyed, we wouldnt have gone into galus- why did dovid ever build a bais hamikdash- why wasnt the mishkan good enough

I want to go to tzfat more

I want to go to bat ayin more

I want to connect to all of it

I want to be spiritual and in love life and be happy

I want for everything to be roses. To be authentic to myself. I wish i was one thing. I wish i had one style. I wish i was one of those people who was always can i be pretty hippy and sometimes preppy

Does anyone else think... how did i make aliyah? Like how did i do that?

One part of my brain: how the heck did i make aliyah? I dont think id be able to do it again if i tried

The other part of my brain: well, you were a little smart, a little cute, a little naive, and 20 years old... its definitely easier to move to a foreign country with all that than being 40 and wrinkly.

Jeans with a skirt

2graphicbandtees 2skirtpants

Dresses

I wang to b an artist

I want to see through the program im in

Because im studying art, i want the degree, but if they want to fail me because of attendance and i can only show up 6 weeks from now, thats what ill do cuz when im there, im there alone.

Charlie Harari's speech "our repsonse to the Matzav in Eretz Yisrael"

We almost never hear that someone is a tzaddik in the torah. That's all in the commentary. And then the one place is says straight out "this man, hes a tzaddik" (noach), all the commentators are like "nahhh not really". What's up with that?! What are the commentators getting at that we should learn?

There were two occurances with men being in a teyva- noach and later on, moshe. Noach was told that the world is crazy, build a boat. He built a boat, brought his family in, closed the door, locked it, done.

Moshe was a gilgul (reincarnation) of noach. What happened when Hashem said to Moshe- "hey, I want to start from scratch again and start a nation from you, lets do it". What did Moshe say? "No no no, I'm not gonna be without my nation. And more than that, if you end up carrying that out, take my name out of Your book, I don't want it to be like I ever existed!". Moshe with his message put the whole jewish nation on his boat. He wasnt cool with only knowing his immediate family was ok. And when we realize and act like we are all in the same boat, that achdus is what saves us.

אנחנו כמעט ולא שומעים על זה שמישהו היה צדיק ותורה. זה לא בפשט, זה כתוב אצל המפרשים. והפעם היחיד שכן כתוב ככה ברור (אצל נח), כולם אומרים "לעעע, לא באמת". מה קורה כאן?! מה המפרשים רוצים שנבין? פעמיים כתוב לנו שמישהו היה ב-תבה. נח, ואז יותר מאוחר, משה. לנח ד' אמר כולם משוגעים, תבנה תיבה, תנצל ת'משפחה שלך. הוא בנה תיבה, הכניס את המשפחה הגרעין שלו, סגר ת'דלת, נעול, זהו, סיים. משה היה גילגול של נח. ומה קרה כש-השם אמר למשה אחרי חטא העגל, "יאללה בואו נעשה עם חדש ממך, רק אני אתה ומשפחה הגרין שלך, מה אתה אומר?"? מה משה הגילגול של נח שבא לתקן אמר? "לא לא לא, אני לא מאשר את זה, אני לא רוצה להיות בלי העם שלי! ויותר מזה, אם אתה (השם) עושה את זה, תמחוק ת'שם שלי מכל התורה שלך- אני לא רוצה שיהיה סימן אפילו שהייתי קיים". בזה שמשה אמר ככה, הוא הכניס את כלללל עם ישראל לתיבה שלו. הוא לא היה שביעה מזה שרק המשפחה דרגה ראשונה שלו בסדר. וכשאנחנו מבינים ונוהגים בדרך שכל עם ישראל בסירה אחת, בתיבה אחת, האחדות מביאה הצלחה בכל מעשה ידינו.

[sajaffery]

2...

i choose to use the word type theere because this isnt wrting. this is just typing. infact its not even typing because im still thinking as im writing this its the wrttten down equivalent to talking. there doesnt seem to be a word for that. not one that i can think of anyway but there should be. were unable to edit our conversations the words that come out of our mouth when were talking to another person which is what im doing here ineffect. im speaking to the millions and millions of people. maybe not millions because tumblr is a dying medium. like all the good ones. except mybe facebook. i’m glab ffacebook is dying. that what everyone says anyway although i find it hard to believe because i can still see mark zuckerberg’s smug little billionare face evrywhere . shit i just miss spelled everywhere and i had to physically restrain myself from correcting it. but no i wont. i cant. because ive aleady said it. ive already said it to every tumblr user. is there a verb for that? fuck is it even a verb? or is it a noun? i cant remember. dead white men dead white men. who cares i dont. im brown and im very much alive. i cant edit the words that come out my mouth so i refuse to edit the words that are coming ut of my hands. i like that. im a craftman whi works with his hands a nd words are my trade. shit i should have said tradesman. well i can say it now. because thats what i would have done if i were saying these words. but i dont say words. i just write them. and if they were good enough to come out my hands then theyre good to be read as is. definietly not good enough to be published on a actual physical paper ofcourse because that costs money. (ignore that a) and resourse are finite etc etc. i studied economics so i should know. but publishing on the internet is free. and we like free. everyone likes free. so that what i’m doing. im starting to lose my train of thaough here. so perhaps i should stop for the day, but i cant for some reason. and i just read back over what i wrote. im not sure if i can do that because when you lose your train of though in real life youre unable to physically go through it word by word to…find it? do you find yoyr train of thought? that really doesnt sound right but it must be. what else could be the oppisite of losing your train of thought. dead white men and theire proverbs. who needs them. i felt pride and being able to remember the word proverb there. but i shouldn’t!!!! fuck english grammer and its impreialistic agendas. i refuse it and i aim to use this…blog..oh god that was painful to write, because i usually hate bloggers, theyre always trying to sell something to you. and yet they none of them look like willy loman, who is the only salesman i’ve ever felt any kinship towards. a literary refernce there to make myself feel good, even if it was a cliched one. but yes i suppose this is a blog even if id like to tell myself its not. but ive just decided to make it long enough to no longer be considered a blog. im just going to keep adding to it. after all the whole point of a blog is to have a point. yech that came out terribly but i cant edit it! oh battery running low. okay okay okay think. and…i cant of course…because that how it always work. but i can stop typing. because i can stop talking. theoretically. but i cant reread. and im losing that fucking train again.

[lovelylarrie]

.

[growing-up-poor-culture]

Really sorry for the inactivity but I've been dealing with paperwork regarding our benefits the last 3 months.

Vent ahead: tw suicidal ideation, tw cussing, tw trauma(??)

The problems started EVEN before i finished my finals and cuz my parents aren't knowledgable in the language of the country we reside in, I've been dealing with the paperwork from ABROAD, during my FINALS, while going throu a depressive episode and horrible executive dysfunctioning + not taking care of my health and when i finished my exams and returned back home I STILL had to deal with these paperworks. And they even asked for more paperwork and temporarily shut out benefits funding.

Being fucking poor isn't just a state it's your health, physically and mentally and it's so exhausting having to prove you are broke as fuck and need help to survive.

The benefits we get are also literally called MINIMUM WAGE and we are a family of 6 members.

My dad has a minor permanent disability, resulting in him not being able to work at all. Even walking for a bit can cause his back to hurt and then he needs to rest for awhile

My mom has been job hunting but they refuse her jobs due to her garments (they do not state it as it is unlawful but they find any random excuses to say no, or even flat out say they dont need workers when the work office itself sent her there)

My older brother is a university student and is awaiting his renewed ID and is not allowed to work without it, so even if he wanted to get a job he cant

Im also a university student and Ive applied for jobs but im also undiagnosed chronically ill, been so since I was a young child. I have a problem with my muscles/lower leg bones which the doctors still dont know the caus off

The money we receive barely covers our living cost. We never buy clothes , we go to different places that hand out food for help, I'm living at my uni dorms for free and not paying anything at all. thats the only reason my parents are able to send 2 of their children to study ouf the country

Like the only reason Im able to get my education is cuz i dont live in USA (thank god) and therefore public universities are for free.

They can't expect us to drop out of school and work to support our family (especially considering how slow they are at giving us our renewed IDs) .

Studying is the long time investment so we can work in the future and support ourselves

The whole reason i created this account is cuz growing up poor fucking sucked and what sucked even more is being treated as a menance, as if we enjoy living like this

And what's worse is that im slowly losing hope of ever being able to be financially independent and truly thrive.

I losta big portion of my chilhood and adolescence to being poor as heck. I developed fear of buying stuff that even now, that our situation has improved cuz we've been receiving help , i still do not buy necessery food items. I've grown so tired of the situation that I'm even having suicidal ideation. Had my parents not needed me to help them throu this idk what i would have done to myself

And what's even more frustrating is that I can't explain or vent to anyone else about this cuz the situation is so complicated and most ppl wont understand that this is our livelihood and that losing it means we could lose our permit of stay in this country and be kicked out even tho ive grown in this country since i was 8 years old

I apologize for the rant

But if this aint growing up poor culture then what is it?✌✌

[misterbitches]

i wish more than anything he could have had this. i love you man

i really fucking do

my love for nirvana and immense respect for kurt isn't something i ever expected. after being a huge fan of jonghyun too as a musician, a person who had things to say, a human being. the people around him. i fucking hate that kurt is gone and i was like...2. i got into hole when i was like 25 really heavily and refused to listen to nirvana. didnt' care about these white boys. but there's a reason why people love this band and why they loved kurt. i get mad sometimes at his death—selfishness—and then i make jokes to deal and cope. we all do with everything. it's just that and this is from a cis person...but i know so many trans people or people on the gender spectrum who have read his journals see him as someone struggling with gender. and after years of thinking and becoming such a huge fan i think that was honestly the truth. i think at this point we're all pretty sure he was gender queer or struggling with identity.

his aversion for oppression, his stand with the marginalized, not accepting racism, homophobia, transphobia BECAUSE THAT IS THE HEART OF DIY (spurred by my black people cos ofc it is and we do everything) and i wish that he could have beeen better.

to me it seems like his pain with his crohns (or wahtever he had) lead to his intense struggle with drugs because that's pretty common when needing pain management. on top of that, his family's history of MI. on top of that, his life being hounded and not being prepared for it (this i think is the idea of white privilege at work and wasn't naive of him necessarily, but...it's just something he thought wouldnt happen to him. that's whiteness at work as who they were as a diy fucking anti pop anti capital punk band. sonic youth said 'we didnt sell out, we made them buy in') and his rship with courtney. he said without court he might be gay or bi.

i won't read his journals, it's too fucking much for me and i dont feel allowed or maybe i will when i can handle it, but i know reading about them and him and hearing the way he changed his songs and his abhorrence for bravado, for men that talk about women as disposable and sex objects, for not being able to enjoy a punk band, for the whiteness and maleness. krist novoselic was a 6'7 fucking bassist and dave grohl is a sizeable dude with hideous tattoos. back then, no one said a fucking bad thing about them. come as you are.

we know that suicide is a state we get into. when you go to a psych ward you see that it's actually calm and an ebb/flow. it is extremely fucking boring. the thing is we don't know if these feelings last forever. we can't go back and time and history cannot change. it was his decision, like jonghyun's, to end his life. but i know there could have been longer. if they got help. i try not to resent courtney especially not now with people being irresponsible and unearthing the FBI report on him. he killed himself but it was definitely emotionally sparred by her and she should have told people what happened weeks before his death.

but no one failed him per se. his suicide note is full of hope and it kills me to see. he should have been able to be whoever he wanted. been a son, been a daughter, been anything.

whenever i hear the changed lyrics or see him in a dress or hear distress i dont know. i wish we didnt lose him but i also know that no one wants to go back to that time. it wasn't necessarily great but it wasn't all bad. and i wish commodity didn't destroy legacy. i wish we werent's so obsessed with the death and gore instead of the liveliness and hilarity of this band and of kurt. and i wish we could talk about him more and the idea that maybe there's so much going on with it; i have many critiques for things they have done, things kurt has done as well.

i'm talking in circles but i genuinely just get bummed. every day he is still dead. but this dude man......i love him a lot. i'm so glad nirvana gave what they did to the world. getting to know kurt so long after the fact is fucking hard sometimes. it is frustrating. but focusing on the positives too or trying to understand another perspective has given me a lot of insight. and i always try and remember that it wasn't just one thing, that nirvana were a band, it wasn't just him, and he could have been better but it just didn't work out that way. it's not solely about his internal pain and the narrative of a tortured artist is suffocating.

he wanted to be a star, make this insane pop song, and when he got it he didnt realize it became everything he hated. he was already struggling and all this shit hit a point. i have mad respect for them still. dave grohl said billie eilish is the kurt of her gen (about 2 yrs ago) and that drives me up a wall for various reasons. antiblackness and class. fuck that. these dudes were poor as fuck trucking it through washington with other bands and the basis is blacness and black art they were trying to fight and make it and give a shit man. it didnt turn out the way they could handle but they were not PRIMIING themselvs for musical stardom. no artist who cares would do that. but if you get the recognition you want because who doesn't, it comes at a price too.

this is why i critique commodity and capital so intensely. i participate, and i will have to as an artist. i don't have a desire to be poor because i've lived a life that gave me space to see what i want to do. i have class privilege (and a lot of debt) and i am grateful. but it isnt like i dont want peopl eto know. it's just that i know that i can't give in and accept and demand nothing and then decide to hoard it to myself. taht money that goes in funnels out and is not for me to keep. there is no trickling down. dont paly yrself.

artists like kurt and in a sense like MF Doom (rapper who only came out to be seen when he wanted to) or DMX even it's like....man u came out fucking fighting to be heard you know. do your thing. make your shit. be amazing. esp black people. DMX had a fucking face for a camera. hopefully i'm gonna watch belly at my best friend's house on the 28th.

i wish everyone who deserves to stay can stay until their body releases them in the most pleasant way as possible. jessica walter's death made me sad, but she was older and i'm so happy she got to live. same with cicely tyson. at the same time, the young deaths over drugs, suicide, accidents....id on't really get it. why is kissinger alive but these people can't stay? how did this come a somber tale of death instead of just i fucking love kurt cobain lmao

he's def one of those ppl that im like u rock. him, robeson, seberg to an extent. hm who else. wong kar wai, jenkins, joe (thai filmmaker whose name i cant spell.) all those people who are running forward on their own and beating their chest. yea i like that. an award is just another award. what matters is possibility and action.

RATHER BE DEAD THAN COOL

[queerlyhalloween]

Not to sound like the joker™️ but i hate western society. I know that hair and clothes aren't gendered, so do most of my mates, ive been working hard at unlearning the internalized transphobia that's just a part of being trans in the UK and actually ALLOWING myself to think about going on hormones and dressing in ways other than "ambigious as possible" despite the fact im non-binary

i grew myself a little mullet because ive not been working in the pub and wanted solid snake hair, ive allowed myself to look at my face and the long hair around it and not despair because i know that longer hair doesn't make me a woman, but the moment you go into a shop, or get takeaway or pass by people in the street its all "move out the way of this lady!" and "thank you, ma'am"

i dont want the gender option of 'other' on my ID i want to know 1 good reason why gender should be listed on an ID in the 1st place

ive just come back from the range and i had my hair up like some e-thot fuckboy, i had to go BACK to the range because they got my click and collect order wrong so ive got two members of staff looking over my order, im dressed in black jeans and a black masc-looking ripped shirt, mask covering half my face and as the manager's showing the kid who served me the receipt they go "oh I served that guy earlier" and the manager corrects them "its a lady". I say "im niether" and they both just stare at me like im a toddler. Im already panicking because the air feels the same way it did when some cunt came after me in the pub toliets. "dont worry about it :)" i say, they both turn back to the tills and completely ignore me.

Anyway, micro-aggressions, ive experienced a lot of them for many reasons over the course of my life and today ive decided to snap.

Not at the people in the range like, just in general.

I will never pass. That's just an element of trans euphoria i will never get to experience. Not right off the bat, anyway. Not where i live, and most likely not in my lifetime. Maybe for kids in LA or Brighton, and hey power to you guys man im happy for you, but people assume or guess m/f when they look at me and they will never get it right.

So when i see people on this site try and twitter etc rank "who's the most oppressed"™️ like a godamn smash bros tier list it blows my mind because of all the things you could spend your days doing thats what youre expending energy on?!

You could be the exact same age, race, sex, gender, sexuality, you could have the exact same disabilities, mental health conditions and money in your bank as another person on this site and you'd still never understand what they've been through. Our experiences, our families, our morals and lives are always gonna be different and the moment you try to write definitive rules on whose got it worse you've already lost and you're already wrong. Oppressed classes are not a fucking hivemind and pretending they are is only going to cause you more problems. I get the strong sense that some of you looked at the word intersectionality, went "ah yeah, i know what that means" having never read up on the matter, then proceeded to play the pain olympics.

And its creating a culture where kids feel the need to spills their souls online to justify living their lives!

You've not listed your disabilites in your bio so you're able-bodied. You're Irish but haven't listed your race so you're white. You're cis man so you've never played with gender and suffered as a result. You're asexual so clearly you're a cringeworthy baby who's never experienced a wrong-doing in their life.

The reverse is true too, if you list every aspect of yourself then you're automatically honest. The more opressed you are the less likely you are of causing harm to others. Psht, don't have a carrd in this day and age? What are you, a fraud? cishet white man playing make believe? Post a selfie or face the wrath of ozymandaus. What's privacy? It takes me 3 minutes to read the bio on this discourse side-blog so clearly they're an angel.

my mam abused me for years, she did the same to my brother when i left home at 18 and my dad drank himself to death. My nan, his mother, never believed me because my mam's a disabled woman with a lot of trauma, and at 14 how do you explain to the woman who takes you to the beach that it's WORSE because as she's beckoning you to the side of her bed so she can scream point blank in your face, or hit you, you're never truely sure, you're thinking about running away because of course she physically can't chase you but she can throw. And then where would you go if you did buggar off?

"You have to sleep sometimes" she used to say to me when I'd piss her off. Other days she told me horror stories about kids in care, and disabled people having their kids taken away, made me promise that I'd always love her and always be her baby, and I'd do that for her because she's my mam, she'd be satisfied then ignore me for a while. I grew up thinking that was entirely normal until i'd tell funny family stories at school and nobody would laugh. The closest I got to truely running away was when I changed my name and pronouns and her rejection, turned to vitriol one night and I so, so, nearly held a knife to my throat and simply fell forwards in the uni showers. Obviously I didn't do that.

But she's had a shitter life than me thus far so she's in the right, as the online black/white dichotomy states. I keep her at arm's length but I'm unable to cut her away without losing the rest of my family because I dared defy the role of eldest child and care for her as I've done my whole life, as is expected.

we need to take things on a case by case basis, and learn when stuff is none of our business.

"Hey! :) I see you've reclaimed (X) slur, without submitting the proper paperwork. Real quick tell me every trauma you've ever experienced or I'll write a callout post :) delete this anonymous message (as is your right) and i'll assume you as sus ❤"

you can only call yourself a dyke if on your 13th birthday, the moon's tender rays struck you through your bedroom window and gave you your first wet dream about girls.

Great, cool. I have no interest in calling myself a dyke, i cant call myself a lesbian because it makes me dysphoric, thats why im queer, but i can assure you that when 3 kids from catholic school pinned me under the bridge and threatened to cut me open for being a "dirty dyke tramp" they didn't play 20Qs with me first to check that i was actually a lesbian.

if your first thought is "well thats just misdirected homophobia, so youre not ACTUALLY a victim" log the fuck off and consider what's wrong with you. Because all our oppressors care about is sniffing out the wrong on you and beating it out, they dont care what breed of wrong it is.

so you're going to spend your day, the enlightened adult that you are, frothing at the mouth because some 15yr old dared call themselves butch despite them being OnLY a BiSexUAl? You're gonna say that trans woman deserves to be suicidal because yes she may be trans BUT she's from the UK, so clearly she loves her horrid country and government. You're gonna say that black lad deserves racial abuse because he's trying to focus on his studies rather than go to protests. That 19yr old who's living in poverty deserves it because they work for Amazon. Texans deserve to freeze to death because there are republicans in Texas.

You're going to harass a complete stranger coming to terms with the parts of themselves society has taught them are worthless at best because they're not doing it the way YOU think is right.

This post has not ended where I started it but I really dont care:

Some of you are so fucking desperate to be the bullies you never got to be in secondary school and it shows. But you're cowards. You can't just admit you want to divide and concur so you do it in a new woke way and when your time on this earth is done, you'll have commited the same pain that's been dealt to you and wonder why you died miserable in a world thats more or less the same.

okay to reblog but dont @ me for a debate because i have, like, real problems and will just block you

[clownbeep]

This is gonna be kinda brutal. But I want to put it into writing

Big vent/whats been going on

Hah... I guess this is like my life story or some shit...

Trigger warning ahead.. Depression and a bit of gore/suicide talk so if you are sensitive to that please, for your own sake and mental state you might not want to continue.

For those who dont want to hear a pretty dark vent, I understand.

And those who are just scrolling by feel free to scroll past. I just personally want to get this out.

If you have dealt with emotional neglect/abuse and need to know it isnt in your head this might be the post.

By writing this it feels like hopefully someone else will read this and realise certain things are NOT healthy.

If you are questioning if you are being emotionally neglected/abused (im speaking in a parental sense but even romantically or sexually) im not someone to give you answers, but the fact you are questioning it raises some red flags. In a healthy relationship you dont wonder those things.

Sorry for the long prelude but heres what I wanted to say

.

.

.

.

.

.

Ever since I was young, ive had bad ADHD, manic bipolar/depression, and sensory issues.

I was diagnosed around 13 I believe. My family (I didnt realise it then) always showed pity. Like I was some wild animal that couldnt be tamed and there was nothing they could do. Id do and say stupid attention seeking things just to try and get a shred of empathy.

My family didnt care.

When I was in the hospital for a suicide attempt regaurding pills and my liver had a chance of failing.. None of my family members cried over me. But a family friend. Someone not. Even. Related. Wept over me.

My family didnt care.

I cant say they never cared. They give me food water and luxuries like internet and a phone. For that I am grateful.

But in many other ways they have hurt me faar more than helped.

Once I got out of a short term stay in an inpatient mental facility I desperately needed contact with anyone who would care for me.

I have a younger sister, quite young probably around 7 at the time. She was a close friend of mine for that time. Id hang out with her so often to fill the gap in love it felt my family didnt give. One day I walked into the dining room and overheard my mother and father talking to my little sister. They told her to keep away because I wasnt "stable" because I was "dangerous" and could give her bad Ideas. And with one single action my only friend at the time and way to find happiness was taken away.

My family did not care.

When I stay in bed every day for months on end not knowing which day ill snap and end it all.... I get called lazy.

My family did not care

When I beg for medication to make me a functional human being they brush me off for years on end. Im losing my grip. I can barely remember things that have happened last week because I try so hard to forget everything its my automatic response to everything.

When I cant get to sleep because all of the memories come flooding back and im hit by wave after wave of horrific memories and the feeling if worthlessness... When I cant watch any videos or read posts about families because it brings on unwanted memories and emotions....

Is it me being dramatic then?

When you hear your family openly mocking and laughing about how stupid and dramatic and fake trans people are... How weird and unnatural and mentally insane these people are not knowing they are the very reason grsm and trans suicides are so high...

Am I a liar now? Am I insane?

When I tried to talk to them about my mental health issues. They took my only way of contact and made me feel like it was my own fault.

My family didnt care.

When I was nearly passed out shaking in a bathtub covered in wounds and blood all over... They showed pity, then lectured me for an hour for not telling them or for being impulsive and basically cleaned my wounds and sent me into my room.

My family didnt care.

Yes. I do agree, they cleaned my wounds, the physical side of showing care. However emotionally they were not there.

When my father drinks so heavilly every day he is home from work that he forgets half the things he tells you and can barely function.. They lecture my older sister for having a glass of wine (legal age)

They did not care.

My sister (23) tried for so many years to cling to what little attention she would get by getting good grades and going to college... She realised that it changed nothing about how my family felt toward her.... She snapped.

My family did not care.

She starves herself for a disease she does not have, she uses religion as an exuse to be one of the biggest christian extremists I personally know. Half the days she doesnt eat... Other days she burns book and gets rid of items for being demonic.

My lovely sister used to be kind and quite normal. However she couldnt find comfort in what little live her family gave. Starved for care she turned to religion to un unhealthy degree. Finding any way to keep her mind busy. Now I worry she will end up in the hospital for weighing so little.

My family did not care.

My oldest sister (27) Is married to a continuously cheating husband who she keeps letting back into her life. She was raised with a failing marrige and doesnt seem to see when she should call it quits.

Not to mention her husband has touched someone legally under the age of concent. Did she report him to the authorities? No.

All of these horrific things stemming from bad parenting. Unhealthy relationships and neglect.

Neglect emotionally can cause just as bad things as physical neglect. They are both horrifically dangerous in different ways.

These are the only big things I can remember... Basically age 15 and below are a complete blur to me and I cant remember much of it without thinking for a looong time. Even then I cant remember a lot of it... I feel like ive lost my whole damn childhood. And it hurts more than if they had just hit me or physically harmed me.

Im not underplaying physically harm. But in my personaly opinion I would rather my family have beaten me badly because at least then id have an easier way to prove to people how severe the abuse was. You can see bruises and confirm broken bones... But years of feeling completely useless and being shut off from most of the world other than the internet... It fucks you up in a way I dont think can be healed.

I dont know if I can ever love myself or... Remember things. Its terrifying to think Ill post this and a few weeks later probably not even rememner unless its brought up. Or meeting people and having conversations... And they are just... Gone.

Gone.

I suppose the biggest reason im writing this is well... In the future I dont want to forget in some ways.. I want like to be 100× as awesome knowing itll start as soon as im out of here..

If I dont have anything to compare it too then what is the point?

Ive layed out basically most of what I remember

A large amount of time I look around and nothing registers... Everything is familiar but I cant remember anything for a moment or two.. I feel like my memory is slipping so fast and im terrified.. I cant do anything to stop it and I cant make my mood be stable without the medication my family cant be bothered to get ...

I suppose this is a bit of a vent. I know its kind of everywhere and unorganized..

If im honest.. Tumblr is the only place where people have given me a home I wish I had..

I came out as trans here... Everyone was so damn supportive.. I didnt say anything but I cried hard and the kindness.. It was amazing.. It was such a jarring difference to how I feel when I say anything in real life.

Ive met friends here and ive had some much fun here. If youve stuck around this far thank you so much.. If you didnt I dont blame you.

I just wanted to share what has been flashing in my head these past few days.. It hurts a lot and ive even considered suicide recently..

Im trying hard. As hard as I can.. I have no escape though.

I cannot leave home. I cannot escape. Im not being dramatic.

I

CANT

LEAVE

And its terrifying because I know without medication or at least being somewhere AWAY from family.... I feel like im going to break soon.

I dont want to do anything stupid.. But some days I cant think straight and do things that harm myself and its not good. Its not okay. Im aware that I need help but I have no idea where to go/turn.. I have no ID or drivers liscence.. I have no transportation to and from a job to get money so I can leave... I live in the middle of nowhere.... I just..

I dont want to lose touch. I dont want to do anything bad.. I want to be functional.. I want to do more than eat and sleep my life away because I have nothing else to do..

Im so damn sick and tired of this all.. And at times I really do feel like there is only one way out.

Its always there and I just feel like one of these days im gonna be pushed over the edge and not be thinking clearly enough to stop it.

Im thinking semi clearly right now which is my im posting this.. Because im afraid and alone.

I have nowhere to go irl I have no friends Irl i just have tumblr and media and thats it. I dont expect anyone to be able to help I just wanted to write this so anyone knows what happens if I leave media..

If I tell my family my issues they will blow me off again for the 11th time or so (not exaggerated)

And if I do something to get sent to the hospital and get the help I need the cycle will continue with them being pissed and me getting sent home in a month or less anly for my family relationships to get worse..

Im spiraling fuether and further and I cant keep up the facade of being fine. I need help. And i have no way to get it. Ive just been suffering for years...

Sitting around and doing nothing but using your phone or drawing or whatever sound fun in theory... But if thats all youve been able to do for years with little to no real life social contact its gonna mess with your head... I dont want to be a shut in... I just

I dont know what to do.

Im sorry for rambling. I will most likely delete this later feeling embarrassed I posted this...

Im just tired..

[fisherfurbearer]

fuck sam walmarts

and fuck management

I’ve had it. Left the store in tears tonight.

as some peoople probably/hopefully know. walmart closes at 6 pm on christmas eve. no one actually gets to leave at 6 becuase of shitty last minute customers. but it is what it is.

this. is really personal but im honestly SO close to just. killing myself? so who cares

basically. had a really really bad last few days. spent a lovely time with family (jessies family, his oma and opa and sister and parents and it was just a great time. theyre more family to me than most of my blood family) but it did make me Sad in Deep ways as we dont know if this is going to be our last christmas with his oma who isnt doing so good. and it just twisted me up a little but was othewrsiwse a great day. but then sunday i just...had a huge breakdown in the morning and decided to use my accomodation (i get 2 excused absenses a month) to cool down and gte myself together. slept a lot. woke up adn got a lot done, felt great, then i CRASHED really really bad, got really angry, lashed otu, took like...8-10 sleeping pills...theyre horrific things and im never doing that again...had to sleep for two days after that...felt horrifically sick, in pain, just awful. had repeating nightmares over and over. which has also been wearing me down recently. wasnt able to work monday either because i still couldnt stand and between the pills and the depression/anxiety and really just. felt like the world was ending.

decided sometime last night id just...try my best to make it in today, work my shift (really long 9-6, knowing i wouldnt leave on time nad htisis my first time working in 5 days now...which is rough...) and if i can get through this, i have another couple days off in a row after that (schedules fault, not mine...do feel awful i missed 3 days before that though...) and we can just. get back on track

today i DID go to work, jessie drove me in

i worked. a long time. im supposed to get a break every 2 hours and a 1 hour lunch

i gott my first break on timeish.

then i got my lunch 6 hours after i got in. at which time i got “locked out” for not taking my lunch and coudlnt do anything on the registers. i was supposed to get it 4 hours in. its christmas eve and excruciating and im still in pain and tired from my previous days breakdowns, but otherwise?? i did really good. i didnt mind at all that my lunch was so late. i was a little miffed, but its ok. i dont care, so long as i get it eventually. anyway they FINALLY noticed i was locked out and got me coverage and i ended my lunch at 4. things continued ok. worked on self checkout, met a lot of regulars i really like, prevented $200 of theft (HAHA WOW that was really really funny i love preventing petty theft. i prevent so much theft every week its my pride and joy) just did okay. then they had us close self checkout that took a little while. then at 5:00-5:10 or so i went to my Manager/Supervisor/”““People LEad” as walmart is now trying to call them, lets call her manager Y, and i told her i still need my break and will i get it before i leave. she said go to register 4. i asked again hey will i get my break though and she said yeah and i thought to mysel HAHA thats not going to happen but ok

really stupid that after bieng locked out the first time she couldnt give me my break before i openned a register with a line i cant get rid of

anywayy i did ok otherwise for a while

but at 5:25 or so i reminded a CSM “hey i need my break still can i get that?” and she just ssaid yeah well try to get someone and then more time passed so much time. i put through an ask on the register “assistance needed”. waited another 10 minutes. “assistance needed” again. starting to get anxious. its past 5:40. the line is so long. theres so MUCH NOISE. Its SO LOUD. the intercom keeps going off, no one is responding to me, i dont have a mat to stand on so my knees HURT,, im not doing okk

i switch my light to flashing/need assistance and start looking for someone to ask for help. its 5:45, i need my break NOW, i DESERVE IT for workng this long ass shift and they already missed several of my last breaks a week ago AND got me locked out today and im STARTING TO GET ANXIOUS PELASE I JUST WANT MY BREAK SO BAD

nnthgen a csm is passing by im about to lose it, so i tell her CSM J, please i really need my break now PLEASE and im starting to ccry and i try to tell her whats going on but she shushes me and goes and gets sometone

im full on tears at this point, im so strreesed out,,

manager Y and some other snooty manager come over andd. ffkcing. ask me whats wrong. im crying and i try to explain im really really stressed out, i havent had my last break, ive been trying to get someone for so long now, i just really need to leave im so sorry

and theyy just. fckkng

ffcking manager Y jjst ssays ok “ill give you your break” and “this is your last break” and i ssaid?? yeah i knoww?? andd she saidd “next time youre like this, just dont come in”

i quote that completeltyyy....i really lost it then...i cried som muchh

this isnt the first itme she said something like this to meee...

she asked me “why are you CRYING” When i had an anxiety attacki n the store once, when ic cloked in and couldnt get myself together,, she didnt give me time to calm down, she didnt listen as to why, she just said “why are you crying. this is a BUSINESS. you cant be CRYING Here.” and i just said ok ill go home bye and leftt

andd when i tried to get my availability changed from 7-9 to 7-6/7-7 because the random late shifts with 7 am shifts was messing me up really really bad and my doctor thinks i need to hcange it too, she just said “i cant do that. thisi sa BUSINESS.” and she wouldnt listen when i said i might have to quit because of this, this is for my health, im literally scheduled 7-2 every sunday in december, busiest day of the busiest month and you cant even chop TWO HOURS off my weekend availability????

andd i jjst

ive HAD IT with her

ive had ittt

im so ashamed and angry and anxious and i still havent stopped cryingg. she called me over to her again as i was leaving and she blamed me for it. she ssaid a customer was upset that i “Screamed” (ues i raised my voice a little but i wasnt screaming??? also the two customers i was attending to when this was going on and i cried were VERY KIND nad jjst said i was doing a good job and thanked me for being there) and called a manager over (but...csm J got them?? not a customer...??) and i cant be acitng like this, i cant do customer service when im stressed,, and d i should just STAY HOME If im going to be like that

then shee fufkcing toold me i DID IT WRONG, that i “shouldve called someone over” I TOLD HER I DID!!!!! I DID!!!!!!!!!! YOU NAIL INTO MY HEAD IM NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE THE REGISTER SO I DIDNT, I DID EVERYTHING ELSE I COULD THOUGH!!! I REQUESTED HELP TWICE!! I TURNED MY LIGHT TO FLASHING!!! I TRIED TO CATCH A MANAGER WALKING BY TO HELP ME!!! N OONE LISTENED UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE, I DID EVERYHTING I COULD!! yet she seriously told me to my face that “you didnt call anyone”, “you couldve turned your light to flashing” WHICH I DID and sshee jjst said that i made customers uncomfortable and i cant work like thatt and just stay hhome

ii stayed home sunday because i was having a mjor mental emergencyy.

i came in today because i was feeling better and i took it eaasy and ended up doing a wonderful job and mad eso many people smilea nd fixed so many problems that wouldve otherwise upset a lot of folks and i met my regulars and made old folks smile andd i prevented a lot of theft that no one else wouldve caughtt and i jjstt broke down after 9 hours and not getting a last break and all the chaos of register (WHICH BY THE WAY THEY KNOW I DONT LIKE REGISTER!!! I THRIVE ON SLE FCHECOUT!!! THATS MY JOB TITLE!! THATS WHAT I DO!!!! THEY KNOW THISS!!!!) and HER AVOIDING GIVING ME MY FUCKING BREAK and NOT RESPECTING MY FFUCKING METNAL DISABILITIES LJNASDKAJHDBASJSDNAJSNDKANSD

I JJST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DOO

i really want to die and i really want to never go back but i really loved my job i loved helpting people ii jjst hate her so muchhh and i feel GENUINE DREAD/SEVERE ANXIETY jjst SEEING her nnow

she doesnt CARE about anyone but herself shes a horrible peson i cant tell the store manager though cause she wont care either and manager Y has more clout than me so shell just twist my words and make me out as the bad guy as hte “CRAZY ONE” who cries and gets stressed (FOR COMPLETELY VALID REASONS AFTER BEING PUSHED OVER THE EDGE) even tthough i work SO FFRIKCING HARD and do SUCH A GOOD JOB and asdjanjsdhajshdas

i d ont know what to doo

i cant work another job because no where else pays as much or will let me do self checkout only, because being a cashier stresses me so muchh

ii...really wanntted to grow stuff and make preserves and sell bee products and work with folks raising heritage sheep and make more fiber art andd open a little stall at a local market and sell all that,, and offer more online and do customs andd stuff

i know i could mkae money that wa ybut i ccantt start it so sudenly and im too Broken to do it seriouslyy and i dont even want to HAVE to quit because of ONE PERSON But shes done this so many times now and this is the nfinfal streaww

i jjst dont know what to doo...

i cantt stop cryingg

i cant even enjoy christmas nnow. wanted to see my stepdad and give him his presernt and maybe be ok.

last christmas we had to move because our house was condemned after a fire. now im going to have to lose my job because of a horrible manager who doenst respect my metnal health or anything about me reallyy. and unfortunately im such a failure that i cant. do anything else and if i lose this job ill lse my animla sand i wotnt be able to do anyhtingg andd im jjust fucking trash

goddammit i dont know what to do. i really dont. hhahaaa. i just really want to end it. ive come so far and none of it fucking matters because of thiss fucking horrible manager.

[scribble-skull-rat]

literally all of the make the admit questions you are comfortable answering

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

Yeah

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

I talk to them on a daily basis

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

Sort of

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

Yeah

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

I haven't hung out with anyone, social distancing my duce

6. What are you excited for?

Seeing my boyfriend

7. What happened tonight?

I watched revolting rhymes with my mom

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

Eh idc

9. Is confidence cute?

Yes

10. What is the last beverage you had?

Water

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

2, 3 if you count you

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

I did

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

Stay in and cry because i havent gotten over losing my cats and grandpa

14. What are you going to spend money on next?

Nothing, im broke

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

Not anymore

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

Probably not but ill try

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

Ehh no one

18. The last time you felt broken?

Litteraly 10 minutes ago

19. Have you had sex today?

I wish

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

Yeah, im a piece of shit

21. Are you in a good mood?

Im never in a good mood to be fair

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

Yeah

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

His are black and mine are blue so, no

24. What do you want right this second?

Idk

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

Platonicly? Nothing idgaf. Romantically? Id cry

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

Yeah

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

Yeah

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

A stupid thing in a discord chat

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

.....yeah..

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

Depends

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

Nah, hes really nice. I think I've told you about him, his names noah

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

Yeah it'd be a bit hard for us to be dating if he didn't

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

I rarely do

34. Listening to?

A mix of lofi and depressed music along with the song my boyfriend sent me

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

Usually i do

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

Yeah, Oregon

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Sort of?

38. Who did you last call?

Noah

39. Who was the last person you danced with?

I dont dance unless you count tiktok dances

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

Peer pressure

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

Idk

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

I hugged my mom so yeah

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

Yeah

44. Do you tan in the nude?

I dont tan

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

Yeah, it was awkward and we both hated it

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

Nah

47. Who was the last person to call you?

Noah

48. Do you sing in the shower?

Sometimes

49. Do you dance in the car?

Not really since we dont have a car

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

Yeah, my sister used to teach me

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

Ive never had my portrait taken

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

Eh idc

53. Is Christmas stressful?

Sometimes

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

A w h a t

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

Apple

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

Marine biologist, still do

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

Yeah

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

Sometimes

59. Take a vitamin daily?

Nah

60. Wear slippers?

Nope

61. Wear a bath robe?

Dont have one

62. What do you wear to bed?

A t-shirt and pj pants, or shorts

63. First concert?

Never been to one

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

Wal-mart

65. Nike or Adidas?

Im poor so neither

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?

Both

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

None

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?

Uhh calm down i guess

69. Ever take dance lessons?

Nah

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

I dont really care what job my spouse has

71. Can you curl your tongue?

Yeah

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

Ive never done a spelling bee

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

I dont think so

74. What is your favorite book?

Reckless

75. Do you study better with or without music?

Idk

76. Regularly burn incense?

Nope

77. Ever been in love?

Yeah

78. Who would you like to see in concert?

Cavetown

79. What was the last concert you saw?

I've never been to a concert

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

Warm tea

81. Tea or coffee?

Red tea

82. Favorite type of cookie?

Oreo

83. Can you swim well?

Eh yeah

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

Yeah? Do people do that?

85. Are you patient?

Sometimes

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?

DJ

87. Ever won a contest?

Once and i fucked up by not responding in time

88. Ever have plastic surgery?

No

89. Which are better black or green olives?

Idc

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

Have fun and use protection

91. Best room for a fireplace?

Living room

92. Do you want to get married

Ehh sort of

[colonelbaryl24]

Pokemon rant

So I'm gonna rant about the news pokemon recently put out and a fee other things.

TLDR: im still hyped about the games and cant wait to play them.

So pokemon let us know that not every single pokemon is going to be in sword and shield, and it seems like a lot of people are mad because they cant transfer in their pokemon from previous games into the new games. But the main reason why im kinda mad about this is people are upset about things they arent 100% percent sure of yet.

"Theyre cutting half the pokemon from the games!"

- when did they say half?

"They can just import the models from the old games, and focus on making models for the new pokemon"

1. everyone complained when they did that from x and y to sun and moon.

2. They are focusing in giving the pokemon new animations so they seem newer and unique and not just the gen 6 and 7 models.

"Theyre just being lazy, if they really cared they can just delay the games"

They could do that... if pokemon was just a video game. If they delay the games then they'd also have to delay the anime, trading card sets, toys, and all other forms of merch. This would result in them losing loads of money. And even if they did delay the games i garuntee the people who are mad about the pokemon home stuff would be FURIOUS about a delay.

Okay thats all the stuff that is directly about the sad news. Its not the best news we've gotten, but i understand and am not mad at gamefreak, it was as a tough call for them too.

So here's a bunch of random tangents ive encounted when hearing about this news, and my opinions on them.

Pokemon is getting lazy because the animations arent as in depth as pokemon stadiums animations.

-heres why i think this is stupid: stadium is mainly focused on battling, like theres the battles, minigames, and menus those are the only things you can interact with in the game. Where as in the 3ds games you have the battling, moving your character around, every single location, the fact that pokemon are randomly generated in places where you encounter wild pokemon theres a lot that actually goes in the games.

-the stadium games only feature the first 2 generations of pokemon, whereas the 3ds feature every single pokemon up until generation 7, so like 251 models is obviously easier to animate than 807 (that doesnt even include form changes).

This might be a little hard for me to put into words, but ill try. The main focus of the pokemon attack animations are the attacks themselves. This makes it so different moves can easily apply to different pokemon, so it makes the games not take 8 years to release (think about how long it would take if they made every single move cater to thenexact body structure to every single pokemon)

My final point about the stadium games is that the battle animations dont even look that much better? Id understand if the pokemon actually made contact with each other, but nope. The specific example ive seen is charmander and scorbunny both using double kick where scorbunny does his physical attack animation and charmander just kinda jumps and kicks the air. If anything id say the fainting animations were a lot better, not the attack animations.

So now that rants done time to move onto the next. People are complaining about how (and ive heard this about 12 times in several different threads) that they are mad that half the pokemon are being cut out and theres no way they'll ever get to play with the old pokemon ever again!

1. chill they know "everyone" hates this, they will probably fix this in patch updates (to me thats the best case scenario) if not they'll probably just put them all in the inevitable optimal version of generation 8.

2. Why is everyone so sure theyre going to cut exactly half of the pokemon? I get that avengers endgame happened a while ago but this isnt thanos. Im sure they are gonna bring in as much as they can, especially because they have stated that THEY ALSO HATED THIS DECISION.

3. I also dont understand why people think that gamefreak wont figure a way to fix this? Like it happened a lot in the history of the games. We didnt have a way to get a lot of the gen 1 and 2 pokemon in ruby and sapphire, but then they released fire red and leaf green with its new post game that was possible. Repeat everything but with genrations 4 and 6. Also remember when sun and moon first came out and pokemon bank wasnt working for the first like 3 months after the games came out? Yeah you couldnt get every single pokemon upon release....and no one cared because gamefreak didnt address it. But they fixed it, and theyll probably fix this too.

Another complaint ive seen is people specifically not being able to bring the pokemon that theyve EV trained, bred to perfection, or raised to level 100 into sword and shiled upon release. And to that i say....why would you want that? That would make the games way too easy something i know every fan complains about. And if you bring up the competetive aspects to it i guess thats fair, but like if you want to do an official competetion the rules dont instantly change upon release, you'll still have to wait until thats all settles and players have had time to actually make their teams incase they wanted to use any of the new pokemon. Also if you said competetive, but you meant just playing against a couple of friends pokemon showdown exists, and even in that you dont even have to breed or train.

Personally when i get a new pokemon game my first concern is mainly all about the new pokemon to which im pleasantly surprised cuz they all (so far) look really amazing! And my very last concern (and i mean i'll find every single tm, and npc to talk to before i do these) last concern is bringing in old pokemon from older games.

Anyway sorry to whoever ends up reading my thoughts on this, i hope i didnt upset anyone. I just wanted to get my thoughts out without yelling them at the same 3 people for the 5th time this week.