#i dont like referring to myself in a way that refers to it in any other way than just saying I Am A Big Pink Furry | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

weaselishmcdiesel · 3 months ago

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remember when searching for images as reference and inspiration wasnt filled with ai generated garbage

#im so FUCKING mad #i want to find reference for how houses are built. how the FUCK am i supposed to look at ai and get any inspiration #every single fucking ai generated thing ISNT accurate to how ANYTHING should look #if i want a realistic structure to base my drawing off theres no fucking way an ai can help. do you know what i mean.#i need a REAL image or something drawn by someone who already did the research #i dont even know how to articulate myself #like where to place beams on a house. how railing connects to a wall or floor. how wood would be stacked to create a wall.#an ai can only give you a vague feeling of how it should look. i want realism and structure and volume. this is fucking garbage #im using the search function to only look at results up to 2021 #i know how everyone was hoping that google images would become useless trash. thank you ai. thank you ai bros.#for tainting fucking ALL image results. you actual fucking bastards #weasel speaks

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necrogfie · 7 months ago

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how do i explain to lady aphrodite that she will have to share her altar with archangel gabriel /silly

#yes i am one of those that say 'lady' and 'lord' when refering to deity bcuz idk ... saying their name alone feel disrespectul #anywho been feeling weird . and kinda connected to archangel gabriel so - going to look into this #(also ... not rlly talking abt archangel gabriel as the one in the bible - it's hard to explain but yeah)#also !! i havent prayed to lady aphrodite for a bit because life get in the way but shes been helping me so much i am so grateful #(also . im not hellenist nor anything like this - i just pray to her and have an altar made for her because i feel connected to her and got #the need to do it - i do inform myself abt how to do my best to pray to her and all tho !! and i do use stuff from hellenist to do it tho <#and . i dont do any of the witchcraft or wiccan stuff to be clear)#i have a weird set of beliefs <3 dont mind it

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undergiants · 2 months ago

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I will say being a lesbian with an almost trigger response to being associated with pink is a very interesting thing.

#klair rambles #in reference to the flag that is #like i dont hate the flag but I wouldnt want it to be used for myself #i know its silly but I just cant wear pink in any way without being deeply uncomfortable #ill stick with the plain rainbow or when in private the purple labyrs one #only privately tho since I know how SOME groups like to use it 😑

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moodr1ng · 2 months ago

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recently been seeing (and seeking) more info on moral ocd and its like wellll it does seem like i definitely have that but talking about the stuff i obsess over w my psychiatrist feels impossible bc i cant admit to thinking about it without feeling like a horrible person, so im just gonna keep sweeping it under the rug lol....

#97 #i also do not trust psychiatrists to correctly diagnose me unless i specifically tell them like.#about symptoms that are So Obviously caused by one illness that they basically cant get it wrong if theyre competent #any psych couldve diagnosed my did if theyre not of the 'did doesnt exist' camp bc i exhibit v clear symptoms of it #anything more complex than that..#eg. on my disability paperwork im marked down as having a 'profound personality disorder'#im not diagnosed with Any personality disorder.#im diagnosed w schizoaffective bipolar + did + adhd #alongside suspected ptsd + suspected anxiety disorder + undiagnosed ed (psych isnt specialized enough to diagnose it)#and on a waitlist for autism diagnosis #which one of these is the personality disorder?? they just say shit #i want to ask but i have this paranoid fear that my psych doesnt believe in my schizoaffective diagnosis #(hes not the one who made it) and im afraid that if i ask abt diagnosis hell like.#essentially deny the issues i have and have put so much effort into recognizing and accepting as real #and instead diagnose me w something i evidently dont have like bpd #the only way i could see my schizoaffective dx being wrong is if i have schizoid pd tho so maybe i rly should ask #bc its difficult to tell for myself whether what i refer to as delusions may be 'magical beliefs' under schizoid pd #but then again i think some of them are too extreme to be that??

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sea-jello · 5 months ago

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ouu i haven’t posted anything in a while cause i lowkey forgot how to draw digitally but we’re so back

#a long time ago i saw something about drawing yourself as your mbti and of course im going to draw myself #so here we are #i deadass could not draw for months and all of a sudden i can now #EXAMS ARE OVER IM FREE 🗣🗣🗣 that might be why #this happens quite a bit this happened in january too when i shit out my dystopian design out of nowhere #i designed it without looking at the actual picture first so i think it was supposed to be overalls #either ways i give myself the same outfit every time anyways im a big pants gay on screen and a big jacket gay in real life #imagine the shoelaces are bright yellow okay #i should have used a reference the crossed arms look a little wonky #no more bright purple hair i kinda figured out how to make it black without using black #im still workshopping it cause you cant really see any details i feel like its just one giant blob #RAUAUUHGHHH im on a character design kick i want to design more what should i design #or draw idk im open to suggestions #every time i say that i take months to respond tho so dont take my word for it #i might do loons designs #jellos scribbles #i might have to make a separate tag for when i draw myself at this rate

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phagodyke · 4 months ago

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weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<

#im gonna go and do my food shop etc to keep myself busy and hopefully my 2nd meds will kick in and we'll be able to handle it together #i think i kind of do this so regularly bc my brain is just processing everything bc i dont rly have time during the week #all cool tho im doing good overall def on the up n i feel way more capable of coping emotionally which is nice. i <3 meds #also.. possibly settling on the idea that i might be agender. very tentatively. lots of experiences n thoughts coming together rn #ive been reacting in unexpected ways to a lot of gendered shit atm which has made me reconsider the way i think abt myself #but very difficult to articulate it to myself let alone anyone else. so ive been sitting with it for now until it precipitates #gender stuff has never rly affected me much or ive never been in a place to explore it which is why i havent thought abt it super hard #but im not the sort of person who needs a lot of internal exploration to figure out my identity like im v self aware tbh #and while im wildly indecisive abt most things in my life for some reason i never have been abt stuff like this. i learned abt lesbianism #like idk 9 years ago-ish and straight away was like yeah that makes sense for me. never looked back since #n similarly ive experienced forms of gender dysphoria before n just immediately dealt with it symptomatically n moved on #its never been smth to agonise abt for me like i know what makes me comfortable in my skin so theres no question abt doing it #and ik im privileged to be able to do that. and also it helps that gender for me is mostly divorced from external perceptions #+ that im v autistic so social pressures dont stick to me very well. i mean yeah i was bullied for it as a kid but i was stubborn asf #so yeah from the moment i realised i was genuinely uncomfortable/upset abt it earlier this week i was like okay. lets try this instead #its given me pretty instant relief from any distress i was feeling so far which is nice. rare respite from one of my torture labyrinths #just testing out internally whether it frames things more clearly n makes me feel more myself/at peace before i choose to stick w the idea #but not gonna do a whole coming out fanfare either way. dont think i wanna change how ppl interact w me + im still a dyke #so i dont consider it relevant to anyone else unless they share a similar understanding of gender to me. or if we're v close #ill prolly broach it w other trans friends eventually bc insert philosophers talking image. but to everyone else its business as usual #happy to play my cis-sona at work. + w new queer ppl i meet ive been introducing myself recently w mirrored pronouns instead of any/all #and i think i prefer that. virtually indistinguishable but theres smth nice abt inviting ppl to recognise me the way they do themselves #like translating + localising a non-gendered language into a gendered one... simplifying decisions abt how to perceive me #and ofc ppl are still gonna perceive me however but idc much unless we're actually friends. the rest is all a performance anyway #doubtful anyone on here ever has reason to refer to me but if u do for some reason... im freeloading off ur pronouns now btw <3 #but yeahhh. much 2 think abt. i need to read more alien/ai sci fi.. non-human sentience has been such a comforting concept lately #but yea tldr i woke up one morning this week like damn im prolly agender but i have a full time job to go to rn so idc abt that #.diaries #okkkk my dex is kicking in im no longer on the verge of tears lets go get these groceries wooohoooo

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wazzuppy · 1 year ago

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i get weirdly a lot of gender euphoria and general euphoria from referring to myself as a boy, but only i'm the way where you call an animal you dont yet know the gender of a boy or would call something a little guy. which is so hyperspecific but thats just how it is

#tara says stuff #referring to myself as male in any other way is like. physically repulsive to me #i dont know WHY but it just IS

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britneyshakespeare · 11 months ago

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I love drawing in charcoal because when you're in the beginning of a work, instead of looking like something reasonable it's perfectly acceptable and natural for them to look like this

#does that look like anybody you know #tales from diana #(c'est moi)#i was trying to redraw brian protheroe (the same pic of him as edward iv i sketched roughly--and p badly--last month)#in charcoal. bc my mom got me charcoal PENCILS for christmas instead of sticks of vine #which were what i really needed. i dont like to use pencils hardly at all #it was an utter failure. i started off by just trying to do the basic contours of his face + neck + the crown #and then after about 20-30 minutes when i had an ok start i was like ill take a break to refresh my head #went away from it for like an hour. and was like why dont i just try it w the vine #i thought i would improve it. and i suppose i could've if i had REALLY tried #but i was exaggerating the proportions and making the worse while trying to fix them. everything got larger #and i was essentially erasing EVERYTHING i started with while i was trying to even them out #so i just gave up. lol #a girl has learned to quit while she's ahead. and she learned the hard way.#but i wasn't happy to just leave off that drawing a failure wo any plans to do something else #so i went looking through my photos on my phone and found a pic from nov. 2022 that i was going to use #as a reference pic for a figure drawing assignment that i was going to use. but my professor allowed me to draw #my grandmother instead of myself. so i never did that dramatic self-portrait assignment. i did a dramatic grandmother portrait #but i did like the dramatic-lighting picture i took of myself well enough and figured i would draw it someday #im just leaving this as a started picture for now. this wasnt much work at all maybe like 15 minutes #it's an ok start.#bc of the fucked up nature of forming a charcoal drawing i have to admit i usually like my progress pictures more than my final works. lol #like they just have a sort of monstruous edge to them. lol

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dizzybevvie · 1 year ago

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character BEVelopment???

man enjoyer but only on weekends -> gay in theory???

developments, I see

(ily)

LMAOOOO FR

#tbh theres not much of a difference #Idk cus like i like using the term gay for myself but as the og meaning not the umbrella term #but also like its kind of inherently innaccurate??#idk! being queer is complicated #any aesthetic/potential physical/sexual attraction i feel is always pointed toward men and in a gay way #but i dont. feel it strong enough for it to mean very much? dykwim #idk girl being aro makes things weird.#BFSBDJDV BUT YEEE!!#<3333 #the “in theory” is in reference to my inability/very diluted ability to Be Gay #idk. but its what im goin with #if nothing else the flag is prety #asks #beverly says stuff #loz tag #ilyt <3 /pos

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captainstarburst · 2 years ago

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BTW ppl who arent human. PLEEEAAASE reach out if u ever wanna talk or chat or be friends especially talking abt that stuff id LOVE to please hit me up. i dont care what you are i just wanna make more friends with ppl who are beasts or objects or whatever

#captains log #if ur kin or alterhuman or have a delusional attachment id love to talk but a note:#i dont consider myself kin or alterhuman i dont have anything against those groups its just not the label for me #i dont like referring to myself in a way that refers to it in any other way than just saying I Am A Big Pink Furry #or any way that is blantantly saying “i identify as not human” bc like. it still feels like a tie to humanity almost?#i also experience it bc of schizospec stuff but i dont really use like the term delusional attachment either #i do not want to call it a delusion it is my reality and it is who i am #so im just a funny furry. nothing more nothing less #<- kind of an excuse to talk abt my thoughts on stuff but also probably just good to state so ppl dont accidentally call me any of that

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skyllion-uwu · 11 months ago

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Am I nauseous because I'm hungry or because I triggered myself last night

#my stomach hurts and i need to eat but the idea of doing that is. ack #and i cant tell my parents why because id have to unpack so much spontaneously #like id have to explain i was on the internet before they let me make an account and that i didnt tell them when i was getting those dms #and how its basically ruined any neutrality i had towards sex because ill be fine and then BAM!#everyone else is 12 year old me and im an adult and im my abuser and im going to hurt them if i keep talking about this #just because it was only words doesnt mean it fucked everything up forever. i know back then i was aroace but didnt have the words #but i sincerely think id be just sex neutral if it wasnt for that fucking asshole and now i think about sex for too long and get sick #and i didnt say anything because i thought they were my friend and i dont know if they were 11 like they said they were or not either way #its just. im getting so much off my chest here i wish i could go back in time and tell myself to block after that first message #and i didnt say anything after i realized because i wasnt allowed to have social media and i didnt want to get in trouble over that part #fantasizing alone is one thing but as soon as someone else is involved theyre me and im that person on da and i hate it. i hate it i hate it #i hate it i hate it #is that a common thing. where you feel like youre the abuser in certain contexts even if youre nothing like them #whatever. i have physical therapy and then ask a prof if i can use him as a reference and then finish my application if he gets back to me #and then i can rot all i want #sky vents like amogus

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psychiclounge · 1 year ago

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still thinking about that "do you feel attached to your name" poll and im realizing i feel more attached to my url than my actual name LMAO its like. full first name < jay & psychiclounge on about equal footing. in "jay psychiclounge" the url is as much (if not slightly more) of a valid name as the actual name

#ive never been able to properly explain my Name Thing #i just dont feel connected to any name ive ever picked for myself #i feel more connected to the names of my self inserts LMAO #and it's the same sort of deal with pronouns #i dont like they/them when it's referring to me #but i use they/them for most of my inserts #idk . they are me i am them but you don't get to refer to me the way you refer to them #my point is i think i need to write a fic with it/its curio and they/them gale #maybe that would fix me. idk

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genderificationbeam · 2 years ago

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i do not know anything about whatever "transid" is (nor do i particularly want to learn i think, i dont understand it but as long as youre not doing material harm to people its not really my buisness)

however. if i see anyone in my notes or in the wild that is Not Black claiming all the trauma that comes with being a black person in a world that is Built Racist i am going to block report and eat with my bare hands

#i wouldnt wish to ever not be black its a great thing to be and im happy with myself #but race isnt about individual identity #it was thrust on us by racist society and we formed culture around that #gender is a system but it is also individual and personal #its a word i dont like because it refers to the performance and the internal world and the system and the roles together #race is Not This #claiming blackness while not experiencing any of the effects of racialization is just.#it is probably in good faith to some people but i very much dislike the conceit #this isnt aimed at plural people and transracial In The Adoption Way people #and i generally think most transid identities are good faith if. misinformed about queer/race/ability theory and how these Work In The Real #World #but also just looking at the tag i wanna say 60% is 4chan psyops. like cmon now #i am probably getting mad at a 4chan psyop and or rando trolls rn but honestly i needed to

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emotargaryen · 8 months ago

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the sexual tension between me and putting she/they in my bio

#im literally that post thats like “i could be [something] but i have a job so i dont really care”#like there's something quirky going on but it doesnt affect me negatively in any way really so i dont care #i refer to myself with they sometimes and im always like hehe just a little something for the worms in my brain

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but-a-humble-selfshipper · 1 year ago

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Y'know something I feel in the need to confess and wait hang on.

^ this is me talking this this is like a teen.girl talking to her crush. Ok? Anyway,

I have SUCH an issue bc Hoffman makes me SO insane like he's so fucking hot and also just beautiful and I really like him but... I cannot bring myself to see him in such a relationship w Lil Luly.

And NO Can isn't an option either ! ! Can is way too, weird. They don't fit here + he's a good person and would try to stop them and etc. But like it's just so silly bc it does show how strong the difference between R.L. and L.L. .......

Though who knows what the future could await . . .

#💟.txt #tbf l.l. is going thru a bit of a. sexless era #on purpose. to see what else there is to life #anyway i think it's this very lust i enjoy seeing hoffman ships of any kind but i don't feel particular about any of em #this probably is my weirdest post i feel bc I constantly switch between refering to myself as L.L. and not or just being a witness #but acknowledging my writing is something i barely do #but i had to point out bc its one of the few times L.L. and i dont share feelings #like usually it was the other way around sometimes L.L. becomes attached to a character b4 me #but this time is in the inverse 😭#like at best i can see l.l. and him having a very homoerotic yet platonic relationship #but i would not have such things w him i want his legs on my shoulders EKFGKDGEHDHE #AND YET. I DONT WANT TO MAKE A CHARACTER FOR THAT #LIKE IDK ITS WEIRD 💥💥💥

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ranboolivesaysstuff · 1 year ago

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HEY! Just because I am now 20 I think having something to kind of re establish boundaries would be good! Considering the ones I put all those times ago have changed :D GENERAL RULES! Do not be racist, sexist, homophobic, antisemitic, ableist, or discriminatory against anyone for any reason. Please if someone is calling you out for things you have done or said, please self-reflect and take the proper steps to change or remove yourself from the community. If you see something you do not like, and it IS MADE WORSE BY BRINGING ATTENTION TO IT, THEN IGNORE IT! Bringing attention to problems that just arent really problems with either the community or me in general are not worth it! Please use common sense when thinking about what/what not to engage with! I personally wish that people in the community do NOT engage with people who just obviously do not like me! Chances are they want a reaction from it so it is MUCH better to just not argue with someone whos mind you will not change! ALLOW CRITICISM OF ME AND MY CONTENT! IF YOU DONT AGREE OR DONT LIKE THEN DO NOT ARGUE ABOUT IT!!!! ALL IT WILL DO IS CAUSE UNESSICARY DRAMA!!! DO NOT make ANY comments or content about me that is explicitly sexual. I completely understand that lately there have been bits due to the changes in how I’ve been presenting myself and how I’ve been presenting more femininely, but that does not allow anyone to use that as an excuse to sexualize any features and such that are more feminine or masculine. Remember that femininity is not sexual and should not be seen or created as such just because its there! (for example, the Vtuber costume and chat being overly weird over the added boobs where there was no need for it). DO NOT draw me in ways that are sexual either, such as highlighting any aspects in a sexual way, or making the content something sexual. I am completely okay with being drawn as any body type, masculine presenting or feminine presenting, as long as you stick to this! PLEASE DO NOT SPECULATE ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE!!! Making jokes about certain topics CAN be fine, but a line is crossed when it becomes a legitimate speculation or if a joke is said when I have expressed my discomfort! RESPECT MY FRIENDS!!! All of my friends are their own, incredible people. And they do not deserve to be lumped in or referred to as JUST "my friend". Be respectful in their chats even when im not there, and be respectful to all of them everywhere else! IF SOMEONE IS TRYING TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU MAY BE DOING SOMETHING WRONG PLEASE LISTEN!!! There has been a lot of times in which I have seen people be unwilling to change in the face of a genuine discussion, and that is not something I want in the community! I should NOT have to police every single thing because it should NOT take me saying something in order to change your mind! As my words are not worth more or less when it comes to a lot of subjects! And lastly, do good. Whenever you have the ability to. BE POSITIVE!!! The hater mindset is very draining and can be very toxic to both you and the people around you, so highlight the good instead of the bad if you have the ability to! I am so incredibly proud of how far this community has come, and I cannot wait for the future!!! I have spent some time writing this, but it may not be perfect, so I will update this as time goes on and I think of more, or if something needs to be SUPER cleared up, but for now these are the main ones! I will NOT be updating this after every little thing however, as I do not want you guys to feel like the only way that something is wrong is if I talk about it! As you guys should be able to sustain yourself as a community without my consistent input! Imma go enjoy my birthday by eating a pizza :) thank you all!

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