#i dont know what were gonna do. we still havent been able to fix the truck bc we've never been able to afford the jack and ramps we need

[localdorkincombatboots]

We managed to get together rent just barely and I've been trying to get as many shifts at work as possible but we are still seriously struggling and our utilities are gonna be coming up soon.

In addition to the fact that we also need to begin making preparations for when my man needs to have his hernia surgery and won't be able to work. We would put this off if we could but his hernia is severe and is pressing on his lungs and the Dr said it needs to be removed asap.

Please keep reblogging this post, I don't know how we'll make it through this time if we don't get some kind of help.

*URGENT* PLEASE HELP

My family has been struggling with being financially behind for a while now due to my man's cancer and a lot of other factors and right now we desperately need help to not become homeless.

We're about $150 short on rent and then even if we manage to get that together, we also have literally no money for food or anything until next week when I next get paid.

And to make matters worse, my man has a consultation coming up for surgery on the hernia on his stomach which means we're gonna be losing more work and we've not had a single chance to be able to put money back to get through that.

PayPal: JacquelineP951

Cashapp: jayep7

Venmo: jayep7

Literally anything you can send helps and please reblog this so that the next person who could help might see this.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

ALSO. HEYHEYHEY. probably u will have to wait until after i finish 39 to answer this but holy shit dude. how does this translate to new haven wards??? i KNOW youve thought about it man. oh my fucking god. what r we doing to wibby. wraith. <- i really like this for him btw. haven't they been through enough!!!!!! also is this related 2 the second trigger situation it HAS to be right??

OKAY!!!!! HI !!!! HERE IT IS MY THOUGHTS ON WIBBY SECOND TRIGGER !!!!!!!!

when i say thoughts i mean this is less going to be an essay like my other nhw posts and more just. me throwing spaghetti at the wall and then turning to you like :D!!!!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK etc etc. i havent rlly thought about this like... plot wise??? or tried to make it make sense yet. so dont be disappointed when this is sort of short in comparison

anyway. for the LONGEST time i thought we were going to make the "absorbing kemuri's soul" thing his trigger event so that he could have the smoke powers, but.... honestly in comparison to everything else that moment was not NEARLY traumatizing enough

the reason i like this specific event as his second trigger is like. its SO fucking similar to his first. in his first trigger event, he fell off the cliff. he was still alive at the bottom, but unable to move or speak or call for help. he was stuck there for [x amount of time] but never actually triggered until someone found him and took him back. in this.... he literally gets torn in fucking half. but hes still alive. he can feel it, he knows whats happening, its the most terrifying and painful and miserable thing hes ever been through. again, he cant move. he cant talk. he cant call for help. the others dont even realize hes still alive at first, so he can hear them screaming. he still doesnt trigger until.. dakota. dakota, who can Feel it. dakota, who rushes into the danger zone as soon as he's able to and knows hes alive and desperately tries to push him back together, the whole time crying about "its gonna be okay, we'll fix it, you're gonna be okay" and just. desperately trying to do anything. THATS when he triggers.

the thing is thoughhhh. i dont think the second trigger is what actually heals him. i think he triggers and every single one of the capes in that clearing goes down for the vision, INCLUDING muse. wraith is one of the first ones to come back to consciousness but. hes still fucking torn in half! he can feel this horrible new power but he cant do anything about it because hes still got his guts all over the forest floor! uhhhh for the way he gets healed theres maybe a couple options,,, either trickster also gets the vision and thinks its hilarious that he caused a trigger event and has muse stitch wibby up himself or likee... he has to stay like that until they beat trickster and get ashe back and then they have to keep ashe in his breaker state until he fixes william. or theres some sort of.. before they beat trickster or whatever they force him to control muse into fixing him. IDK. something along those lines.

AS FOR HIS POWERS...... IDK. i dont know what they would be. i want them to be sort of like. functionally similar to the smoke powers i guess???? but maybe not explicitly the same. i still want him to be able to give xavier and david fucking awful horrible nightmare visions. i think that would probably fall under either master or shaker category????? IDK help me out with this one. also like u said before we're gonna have to fuck with the timeline and have at least the belltech part of greyscale happen after the muse final battle. which. ohhh my god i have a lot of feelings about that for the freedom city wards especially. oaugh.

I THINK THATS IT FOR NOW... IDK GIVE ME YOUR THOUGHTS I KNOW EVERYTHING IS SO FRESH IN UR MIND BUT IF U HAVE ANY IDEAS I WOULD LOOOOOVE TO HEAR THEM

[blookmallow]

recently been looking into poppy playtime (it’s…. ok) and its like. theres some good concepts in here and the designs are pretty good but i feel like the lore falls apart immediately if you look too closely at it and maybe im missing something since i havent actually played it (i watched markiplier play it and then dug through the internet for the rest of the information until i lost interest) but ok

i like the biological elements to the monsters - love something bleeding when it Should Not Have Blood. i really dont think you can fit that many organs in a little dinosaur toy though. the big ones sure but that one guy who got put in a toy size dinosaur? and why did they just leave him in with the other experiments if he was a staff person who Agreed to this

anyway my main question is What Is The Motive Here

- if they’re seeking immortality, that just. feels like a really bizarre plot for a toy company? unless the idea is that the toy company was a front for the real operation all along but if you’re really trying to make bodies for humans to inhabit why not focus on, y’know, humanoid things, rather than whatever the hell huggy wuggy is. nobody wants to be that guy forever. and the monster toys still can die anyway, so

- it seems more likely that the purpose was to build worker/slaves, productivity and marketing over ethics and employee well being (kind of an ironic message coming from a developer who puts so much emphasis on marketing and also, the whole NFT thing, but whatever) we know huggy is intended to be security and mommy is intended to be the host for the games, but if that’s the reason - is it really that beneficial to squish people into monster toys? they already have a foster care system providing them with children they’re using as test subjects. this company clearly doesn’t give a shit about ethics, so why not just take advantage of the child labor they have access to rather than spending ungodly amounts of time and money on all these testing procedures and mutilating children into toy slaves. extremely traumatized workers forced into fucked up toy bodies are not going to be as efficient. they can still be killed and still need to eat (evidently More than a child would normally anyway, ) so what exactly is the benefit here. and like. ok mommy has some clear advantages but huggy’s really floppy. we see kissy flop her noodly arm helplessly trying to pull one lever - as cute and funny as that moment was, its clear this creature would not be a great factory worker

- if the point is that they intend to sell the toy monsters, theres just no benefit there whatsoever, even if the ethics of shoving frightened orphans into toys doesn’t bother you, even if you do fix the extreme aggression problem, you’re still gonna get lawsuits from parents when their kids’ toys start wandering off and crying in the corner. also toys get broken, kids tear things open, modders take things apart, people are going to figure out real fast that there’s, y’know, organs in there

which brings me to my major question of WHY is there a commercial for poppy? it seems like the poppy we find in the case is The Only poppy, she’s the only experiment that worked properly, she’s the ideal “toy that can talk to you like a person! (because she is one)” but they’ve never been able to replicate that success - how were they able to sell these dolls with the promise of the Real Girl Intelligence if they only had one (which clearly wasn’t sold since she’s still there)? or did they film the commercial after their success intending to make more dolls and never released it when things went wrong? poppy’s on a lot of the advertisements and stuff so she seems to be a recognized character in the brand. did they at one time manage to recreate her and just sold a bunch of little orphan girls trapped in dolls? is that what I’m supposed to be taking from this?

[salt-volk]

post707883411295043585 thats part of the problem tho is yall assume that just bc stuff doesnt come out on time means theyre not working on it. as if they just sit twiddling thumbs. shit isnt slow bc they need more motivation. its slow bc they have a bare bones staff of maybe 1-2 ppl & all else is contracted work they barely have the cash for.

"right now basically nothing ever gets done" & you think adding a few dates to a list would fix that? you think they dont know theyre falling behind? that its not obvious? as if they dont already have internal set dates they aim for that just havent been shared w the userbase? 

they dont need more motivation or accountability. they need more staff & more funds. all the accountability in the world cant add extra hours in the day. you can be working as hard as you possibly can & still not meet deadline bc its just not humaenly possible w the resources you have. look at the underlying problem instead of just surface optics.

they could put dates just to placate yall. but it would be an empty gesture. theyd still be just as behind as always bc the dates are not tackling the base issue. itd be the same old shit but more to get mad abt as they still fail to meet dates you asked them to set.

some of yallve never worked on large amateur creative ventures & it shows lmao. youd be amazed how fast a few months can go by & youre only doing background shit so theres still no visible progress you can share publicly. you worked every single day but still feel theres nothing tangible enough to show for it. a few months can go by fast esp when you dont have just one job & are juggling 10 different tasks w simultaneous importance bc its just you or mayb 1 other person taking on 6 ppl worth of work. 

 just remember were all looking from the outside. theres always backend stuff goign on we never know abt. (i know. ironically im making assumption too. but its based on so much experience w these sorts of teams. dv has all the signs. plus context clues given on stream & rare times staff communicates. textbook understaffed scope creepy amateur project tbh.) 

if this were neopets or some shit own by a large company w hundreds of employees maybe itd be different. but some of yall are always gonna be miserable if you dont manage your expectations. see it for what it is instead of what you want it to be. & sometimes look at whats been accomplished. they DO get stuff done. theyre not dropping 80 updates a month, but to me it looks like they make slow steady progress. miss goals but do follow up eventually. they are literally completing tasks. & show signs of taking feedback into account. just not at the speed ppl want. 

criticism makes for a better convo topic bc negative emotional response sticks in the brain longer. but were always gonna have bias if we dont appreciate good shit too. sometimes theres an attitude like "okay cool i like this, now wheres the NEXT thing" or "great finally an improvement, now why isnt THIS other thing fixed?". moving on to the next thing so quick you dont notice the effort of whats in front of you.

but once you match dvs pace & get what postion theyre coming from its not terrible. i have plenty of criticisms from a project management perspective. but in terms of other aspects ive a more lenient view considering what theyre likely working w (esp not having a dev or anyone who codes as part of core staff. im surprised theyve been able to keep afloat this long even lmao)

you dont hold an amateur experimental musician to the same standards as an international pop star w a whole team behind them, yea? but the amateur is not inherently worse, or less worthy of support. you can still enjoy both, just recognizing theyre different things. i see the vision of the amateur & choose to support patiently knowing its got a different pace than the pop idol. theyre at different spots in their career timeline & will have their own unique issues based on that. but both can be plenty good. context matters.

  TLDR; there is much staff can do better at ofc (namely communication & interpretation of user feedback (like not knowing in the first place that "roadmap" usually implies dates -_-). but imo dates are not gonna fix shit bc lack of "motivation" is def not the core issue. such focus on the dates is thus unhelpful. i think some of yall dont get where dv is actually at & then put up expectations that are built to fail bc of that. not saying to let everything slide. but yk. appreciate the good where it happens. have patience. be aware what the underlying problems actually are & contextualize. tempering realistic expectations will make you much happier & able to enjoy the game for what it is.

or idk. i personaly used to be one of the main harsher critics so much i almost quit dv entirely & this perspective helped ME at least lmfao. now i play regularly much less stressed/angry abt it. ymmv.

[gmos]

i am so like. metaphysically exhausted i feel like im going thru so much rn i just need to vent with timestamps

like i have zero money so my card declined on my medical bill today and i have to make a bunch of phone calls to places that are only open on weekdays. and i have to prepare for a market but my heart is just not in it. plus ive been waiting to hear back about some other freelance stuff but it hasnt happened yet. so i just keep working on little bits and praying that it will work out. esp bc i have a tattoo appointment i made for my birthday to keep from totally spiraling but i obviously dont have the money for it right now.

and i have to go talk to bf's parents on monday and convince them that im telling the truth about anything w regards to moving. when they dont respect me and think im just some fairy trying to steal their daughter. and the thing is i am but its obviously for the best. and my parents are excited that im moving back but they cant really help me until july and mostly once we're already over there. and bc of how little money we have were gonna have to get rid of most of our stuff and either fly or drive a car across the country.

and all of this while i am getting sicker and sicker and ive just been getting sicker for years and usually it gets better in the summer but this year it isnt so im really worried about that. all i want is to sit outside in a pretty dress with a fun beverage and draw and write but the reality of my situation keeps creeping in. and its crazy bc the thing is pretty much everything aside from the medical bill is already sorted out and being dealt with and i just have to wait it out. i just cant get over how stressed out i feel and thats whats holding me back from fixing things, leading to them getting worse. they increased my ocd medication but the pharmacy hasnt called me yet even after two days when usually they have it same day.

what is going on. im exhausted. i havent slept properly in like two years. i survive off chocolate chips and microwavables and vitamin supplements. i spend most days alone in my apartment sitting by the window on the computer. this is not living. this is not living. i am supposed to be outside talking to strangers. i am supposed to be making the mistakes of a young adult. i turn 20 in 10 days. i have not been able to stay sober longer than 3 days in a row. i have near-constant short term memory loss. my vision is fading. i cant stand. once a week i go to the park and run until my ribs hurt, which is only about 3 minutes. i wear dresses over my hairy legs and combat boots. i get boba tea and coffee and ice cream when i have 10 dollars in my bank account. why isn't it worth it to live a beautiful life? why is responsibility the beginning and end of my life? when do i get to fuck up without being incessantly punished for the rest of my life?

when i was 17 i came to the startling realization that when something bad happens to me, that is the punishment. before that, and even still, i believed that i had to endure the bad thing and then be punished for the fact that the bad thing even happened. then one day i spilled olive oil all over the kitchen counter and my father helped me clean it up and asked if i was ok. to this day it sticks out as a dream, as if something so kind could ever happen to me. and yet i feel like if i had not been treated with so much hostility, i never would have been radicalized the way i am today. i cant prove either way, but i know that the hostility i am constantly faced with is unwarranted. yet it continues, so what am i doing wrong? the answer is obviously everything.

writing this has calmed me down. i am one of the few who benefits from journaling, even performative journaling, which is what this website is based on. one day when i die just a little bit before my time, my now-bf future-husband will compile my unpublished writing and art and notebooks and tumblr posts into a chronicle of my life, and then i will finally be beautiful.

[spicy-tomato]

Can i pls req dream being reader's sugar daddy :O - 🌼

sorry this took a hot sec ive been working on this one for a while cause i really liked the idea, so here you go :)) it ended up being like 2k words so im sorry

You had it all, anything you could want and more. Wanted to go to rome? Done, your plane leaves tomorrow. Dream absolutely spoiled you and you couldnt be more happy about it. It started off as a thing to help you with rent, but the longer you did it the more you enjoyed being able to get what you wanted when you wanted. Today was your weekly lunch with dream, you had both agreed that at least once a week he would take time off to get lunch with you, it made you smile to see him take time for you. As the tease you were, you decided to wear something a little revealing to tease him since he had cancelled your shopping trip with him the day before. You put on a low cut crop top and some shorts that show a little too much before fixing your hair. You hear you phone ding, getting a text from dream,

Daddy dream <3

Hey baby, i'm out front whenever youre ready to go

You smile and put your phone in your pocket before walking out to his car and getting in. you kiss his cheek quickly “hi daddy” you giggle and smile at him

“Hi sweetheart” he looks you up and down before smirking “like the outfit, all for me?” you giggle and nod before he starts to drive to the restaurant, one hand on your thigh. “Do you know what you want? You know the rule, anything you want no matter the price. And after that we can go shopping to make up for my cancelling yesterday.” you smile at him

“I know, and we dont have to dream, we can just hang out. Its been a while since we did that. Maybe we can go somewhere for you to make it up to me instead” he smiles and squeezes your thigh as he pulls into the parking lot of the restaurant.

“Anywhere you want baby, only the best for you.” you look down and blush, moving over to lean your head on his shoulder as he moves a hand to pet your hair. “Ill take you anywhere anytime and get you anything you want.” you cant lie, at times you had thought about being more than just his sugar baby, having a real romantic relationship, but he was always so busy that it made it seem almost impossible. Sure he took time out to be with you but it was never a lot unless you were traveling. He didnt tell you a lot about his job either, just knew that he had a large following and that he didnt want anything serious and put his partner in a bad situation, but damn if you havent thought about him coming home to you and calling you his.

“Baby? You okay? You zoned out.” he waves a hand in front of your face and you blink back to reality.

“Yeah, sorry i just got a little distracted. Lets go get some food!” you pull away from him and he gets out, walking around to open your door for you and holds a hand out to help you. “Thank you” you smile and take his hand as you step out, he closes the door behind you and puts an arm around your waist, pulling you into his side as you both walk up to get a table. You get seated immediately and he pulls your chair out for you. “Is there a single flaw with you?” you ask genuinely, he just laughs and shakes his head.

“Theres a bunch you dont know about me, sweetheart.” you roll your eyes as the waitress comes back with your mimosa and his water, asking for your orders. He orders for you and him before she walks off to put them in. He always knows what you want and orders it for you. It makes you smile that he likes to take care of you. You shake that thought away and go back to mindlessly talking with him, waiting on the food. It comes shortly and you both start to eat. “Where do you want to go? Japan? Italy? Oh we havent been to paris in a while, maybe there.”

“I think paris would be great, its always so pretty this time of year, maybe we can have dinner on the eiffel tower again!” your eyes light up at the thought of going back to paris. Last time you went was last spring, you both walked around and had the most wonderful time people watching and shopping. You take another bite and he looks like hes about to say something before he stops himself and looks down. “What is it? Is something wrong?” you look at him concerned, scared you messed something up.

“Its nothing darling, dont worry.” you both finish up lunch and he pays before helping you up and leading you back to the car. “I have something id like to ask you when we get to paris if thats okay, its nothing bad i promise its just something ive been meaning to ask for a while is all.” you nod as he opens the door for you and helps you in. “now, a pretty girl like you needs pretty new clothes for the trip, lets go get you some.” he smiles at you as he gets in, resting a hand back on your thigh as he starts the car, leading you both to the mall.

You spend hours in there going to different stores and trying things on, him getting you whatever you wanted without any hesitation. You walk back to the car with armfulls of bags and a couple new suitcases. “Thank you so much daddy, youre the best.” you kiss his cheek and he turns a little red.

“Its no problem baby, why dont you stay over tonight and we can leave in the morning to head to the airport. I can help you pack and we can watch a movie.” you smiles and nod, putting your bags in the back of the car and your new suitcases in the trunk.

“Id like that…” you think for a second about how nice it would be to wake up next to him every day and how nice it is to fall asleep next to him when it happens, even if when you did wake up after he wasnt next to you. The cold bed always made you remember that you would never be more than this, not that this was bad in the least its just sometimes you wish you could be more. He drives you both back to his apartment building and helps you out, grabbing most of your bags, only leaving you to grab the suitcases as you enter the building. He lived on the top floor in the penthouse, expected for how much money he had. You set your stuff down in his room, your new clothes already laid out nicely thanks to him. He walks up behind you and hugs you from behind.

“Youll look so good in all of those baby, gonna be the prettiest one in paris.” he kisses your neck softly before pulling away and taking your hand, leading you to sit on the part of the bed not covered by clothes. “Let me go run you a bath and you can pick out a movie.” you nod and he walks to the bathroom, leaving you alone on the bed. You turn on the tv and start scrolling through netflix looking for a movie, finally deciding as he walks back in and picks you up. You giggle and wrap your arms around his neck, moving your head to rest on his chest as he carries you to the bathroom. He sets you on the counter and takes your shirt off carefully, leaving kisses down your neck and chest and he moves down to take your shorts off. You lift yourself gently to help him take your shorts off. He takes them off quickly before nipping and kissing your inner thighs, ghosting over your core. You whine and try to move closer to him before he presses your hips down into the counter.

“Stay still baby, dont wanna have to punish you. Daddy just wants his desert.” you nod quickly and stay still, his head diving to softly kiss your clit, causing you to whine. He chuckles and starts to slowly eat you out, almost at a teasing pace. You whine and grip the counter, trying to keep from pulling his hair. He pulls away and smiles, “good girl, being so good and not pulling my hair. Just letting daddy eat you up.” after he says that his hands move down to your thighs open as he starts to eat you out like a man starved. You let out a loud moan and throw your head back, your hands moving to his hair and tugging closer. At this point he didnt care about you pulling his hair, to blissed out by hearing your sweet moans and tasting you. Your cries became louder as he dragged you closer to the edge. as you were almost there he stopped, causing a loud whine from you as he moves up to face you. He looked like heaven like this, face covered in your slick with eyes dark from lust.

“Now my good little girl, i want you to get off the counter and bend over for daddy.” you quickly move off the counter and do as your told. “Such a perfect little girl, i want you to watch as i make you feel good, got it? You look away and i stop,” he chuckles and grabs your neck after you nod. His hand moves from your neck to your hair to hold you in place, making eye contact with him through the mirror.

“Such a precious little pet for me, arent you?” you whine as he lines up with your entrance, teasing you, causing you to press your hips back against him. He smacks your ass roughly and pulls you against his chest by your hair. “Thats not very nice bun, its almost like you want me to leave you all worked up.’’ he smirks at you before pulling you roughly back against him, ripping a scream from your throat. He sets a brutal pace, leaving no time for you to adjust to him. He keeps the pace, your legs starting to shake as he brings you back to the edge of your orgasm before quickly throwing you over it. You let out a cry of his name, trails of tears starting to run from your eyes as he keeps going.

“Pretty little bunny, always so good and tight for me. Gonna breed you so good. Fuck you until i know it takes.” he tugs your hair roughly and starts to bite and suck at your neck, leaving marks in his wake. You whine and cry, moving your hands to tug at his hair. “So close princess, gonna fill you up so good.” he moves a hand to your clit to punctuate his statement, causing a louder cry to come from you as you tip over the edge once again. His hips start to stutter as he fills you up, riding out his high with shallow thrusts letting out a few more quiet moans before pulling out of you carefully. You whine and tug at his hair as he does so. He picks you up carefully as he pulls away.

“i figured we could take a bath and then cuddle before we pack and figure out what time we should leave for the airport.” you nod and he carries you carefully over to the tub, setting you down carefully in it before getting and sitting behind you. He starts to wash your hair as you slowly drift off to sleep. You wake up briefly as he lifts you from the tub and carries you to the bed. He moves the blankets back and sets you down gently before crawling in next to you , pulling the blankets back over you.

“Be my partner,” he says as you turn towards him

“Only if we can still go to paris” you giggle and he nods, kissing the top of your head before you both drift off.

[wheredarknessarises]

long post ahead (just a sea of thoughts)...

a couple days ago i had a fight with my partner and i said a lot of mean things i didn’t mean to. i was full of rage but as the day was ending i went to see him. he hugged me and i melted. i apologized for hurting him.

“we hurt each other unintentionally” is what he said and it struck to me. he was right we both hurt each other without knowing and end up fighting. i’m glad i made up with him that day too.

unfortunately, my day ended up being fine but his. didn’t. he had another issue that i can’t be a help of.

it has been two?three days? maybe more, i lost count, since we conversed properly. it hurts, a lot. but what can i do? i’m just a twenty three year old girl living with her parents with absolutely no freedom and is reviewing for her board exam. there wasn’t really anything i could do for him. i cant go to him, do you expect me to go to him in the middle of the night to console him? as much as my heart desire to, I CAN’T. 

good thing he had friends that can listen to him and be with him. it is a good thing right? but why do i feel so envious? why do i feel so left out? i wanted to be the one consoling him, the one he shares his problems, his laughter, to be by his side until everything is okay. fck. just fck my life.

i’ve been feeling so tired physically, mentally, and emotionally. what a great combination isn’t it. tired from my effing errands yesterday and i think my bloody ass strong pain reliever still has its effects on me until now (it made me vomit last night too, my hotshots all wasted). i slacked off from reviewing today, i just slept the whole fcking day. my partner’s been updating me which i appreciate but all i could say was “okay love, i love you more” and thats it very unusual of me. 

then i realized what i was feeling, what i actually am. i am a jealous selfish bitch who wants her partner all by herself and want to be included all the time and fix others problem so she will feel better too. thats who i am. am i proud of it? no, of course not, thats why i am writing this sht as post for me to realize what i really am (writing is my coping mechanism im sorry guys)

i cant accept the fact that my partner after so many yrs has friends to rely on that arent my friends as well. that he’s able to laugh again because of them and on those days that we havent been talking he was with them. i havent seen him for months, i havent been able to vidcall with him, talk to him, spend time with him virtually while they were. i fcking envy them, i am the girlfriend but i am absent on his difficult time i dont even know what the problem is and i respect him if he cant tell me right now because we have our own fcking problems we want to deal with by ourselves. but since i am a selfish bitch i always wanna know i wanna know i want to be there i want to be the shoulder he cries on i want to be the one he’s with drinking his night away. but im not, and its never gonna be me unless i leave this fcking house. right now, its just not me. and i have to accept that but it doesnt me i cant be hurt because i accepted it right?

oh and i just remembered, i wrote him a fcking letter last night, it was national boyfriends day yesterday right? i dont know if he even noticed or if he appreciated it. i know its not the right time to think about it like the person’s having personal problems and im gonna put that fcking letter and fcking sumone first? i’m not dumb but again it doesnt mean i cannot get hurt.

but i am not mad, i wont be mad, i dont want to add more problems so ill fix this myself i am not relying this problem to him this is my issue that i have to solve on my own. and to conclude i admit i am selfish and jealous and toxic. so i am gonna fix it. if you read all of these then fck you just wasted your goddamn time but thank you for reading my thoughts. gotta go to my review now. ciao.

[wildcatofgreen]

((here we go! lets try to wrap it up here kid, you asked a loaded question first time. i dont think i was ready to explore my in-universe consequences on canon like that.))

What the fuck is going onnnnn.

"Uhm. Okay. Uhm.

"You know everything, right? Do ya know what'll happen durin' that rematch on Tuesday?"

((I... Don't Know.))

"Oh what the fuck--"

((im serious!!! dont hurt me i kind of cant get hurt easily.

((you're dealing with a lot, right? youve still got a lot of stress on your back from various events and now certain friends have become a bit of a sore subject for you, right?))

". . ."

((without certain things happening to further push you along a certain path there's. not much i can say about it without it happening already. you dont have all the information. you dont have a real gameplan going in to the fight. you still dont know what he's doing, really. you havent learned anything yet.

((yooooou still have time to, don't get me wrong!!!

((but if youre not pushed in the right direction...))

". . .

"Then how the fuck do I get pushed in that direction???"

((i dont know, girl. that's what it all comes down to, right? you getting pushed in that direction in the first place.

((but im not exactly sure what you need, either. this shit aint binary--there's no switch to turn on or off that lets you develop the necessary skills and knowledge that lets you do what you want to do.

((i dont want the worst case scenario to happen just as much as you dont. you need a break. youre barely surviving as is right now--and i know this because im the girl that's writing you. you're not okay in any sense of the word and wow id hate to spell this out not only for you but for everyone reading this right now but hell if it wasnt obvious before then its hella fucking obvious now.))

". . .

"Fuck."

She sits on the floor, bringing her knees close to her chest.

"This... This ain't how I expected this 'ta go."

((you and me both.

((over halfway, carol. c'mon, ask me an easy one and then we can say our goodbyes.))

"Uhm... "What comes of this whole... Sony an' Lyli thingie?"

((i said something EASY, you TWERP))

". . . !!!!!!"

((listen, okay, i do not have a good answer for you there at all. to uh, put it simply and not confuse you further--lilac's her own person. and so is sonar. i cant just tell you what's going to happen there--not that i'd want to--because like ((...i dont have ''free range'' over them, so to speak. ((you're set in stone. and by the looks of it theyre also set in stone. as long as lilac keeps suffering in her little silence and sonar's there as a support for both you and her--probably--then i cant imagine anything changing from the set path y'all have.))

"...Lyli's what."

((shit. me and my big mouth.

((WHATEVER NONE OF THIS IS CANON ANYWAY SO YOU'RE NOT GONNA REMEMBER ANY OF IT AND IT'LL BE FINE HA HA.))

". . ."

((just... have faith, right? it's what you've been doing thus far. why stop now?

((everyone'll be fine.

((okay, we dont have much time left to talk. ((remember sonar's song. remember how much lyli loves you. remember all the friends and family you have by your side.

((a little birdie told me something once.

((''That unlike some, Carol didn't have to face it all at once, that the people around were, fortunately understanding enough to grant her this small solace...''

((it's a lot right now. i know it is. and not everything looks great, coming out on the other side.

((but you can do it. you can make it!!!! i know you can, girl.

((and after all of this, you'll be able to relax for a bit.

((keep going. have faith. dont give up. that's the best i can say about any of this.))

She did not have any confidence in this entity's words, funnily enough.

Everything she said felt like it was making things worse.

"Y-Yeah. Okay. "Thanks."

((...

((right. well! i gotta get to fixing this stupid wall.

((good luck out there carol. im rooting for ya))

And all she would do is nod.

[joestarwhore]

HELLO your anon is off but I'm going to have the balls to request this publicly -- yandere!Mista imagine pls? Preferably NSFW and with kidnapping and gunplay please 👉👈 but priority for any headcanons you genuinely hold. Thank you!

MY ANON IS OFF WHAT THE FUCK

ty queen i will fix that right now!!! & YES YOU KINKY MF I LOVE YOU

🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫

Sweat was pouring down your face.

How many times would he wanna play this game? How many times is he gonna try to find you? How many times would you have to move to a town he had no idea about? And why does it never work?

Well, it was honestly a simple answer. Guido Mista plays til he wins.

Iron Maiden’s scythe cut through the bushes that led you to the back of your house, & you could hear the Sex Pistols not far from you, yelling out to Mista which ways to turn to get to you, those annoying little shits. “She’s gone through the bushes, Boss!!” Heavy footsteps quickened behind you, making you lunge with Iron Maiden for the door. Mista’s hands grabbed your ankle and your frame crashed to the manicured lawn.

“Y’know, every time you’ve managed to escape my grasp, I promised myself that I’d fuck you senseless for all of those missed opportunities,” Mista gripped your cheeks with his calloused hand, his nose centimeters away from yours and the barrel of his gun he chose to press snugly against your temple. “You KNOW you’re my soulmate, Y/N, I’m real fuckin’ tired of you running from me every time I try to love you!!”

You gave him a glare. “Why the FUCK would i want you to prove your love for me like this?! I’ve moved to 5 different towns to run from you and you still find me,” you cry out to him with panic in your voice that you just weren’t able to hide, “I DONT WANT TO BE HURT ANYMORE MIST-“

Mista backslapped you across the face, your cry of pain resonating around your little yard. “You need to shut your goddamn mouth you stupid bitch.” Mista took a bowie knife out of his boot and easily cut your clothes off, panic resting in your chest as it grows into a reaching panic attack, “in fact you need to be taught a fucking lesson, baby girl.” Venom seeped from his voice.

Mista held a knee on your chest as he worked your jeans off, and easily cutting away your black thong. “Mm, God i’ve been excited for this baby, havent you? Playing chase with me for so long, dreaming of the day i’d finally get your sweet ass in my hands, making you my perfect little baby?” Your cheeks heated at his words. You gasped as your deans were ripped off of your legs, trying everything to push Mista off of you, but every movement you made resulted in an iron grip that was sure to leave bruises on the morning. Mista’s face stayed concentrated on yours, watching your expressions as he prepped you to be utterly & wholly violated by your one true soulmate.

“No, no we shouldn’t do this out here..” he muttered to himself, was he going to stop?? “No, we’re gonna go inside and do this.” Fear gripped your heart, there’s NO way of anyone hearing you from inside, & what the fuck are you supposed to do then?

Mista picked you up and went through your basement door, quickly finding your bedroom near the back. He threw your frame onto the bed, instantly making sure his was ontop of you. His giggles of obsession filled your ears.

“It’s just you & me now baby.. oh this is gonna be so good just you wait darling,” his nimble fingers squeezed your breasts as his hot breath danced on your neck, “you’ll be begging me to take you away after this.”

Whiskey and cologne filled your nostrils as he quickly tore his sweater off. His olive toned abs scarred and hard as his body swayed back and forth, his hungry eyes raking over your pelvic region.

With a growl, his pants came off and your hips were ripped open. Your labored breathing and begs for him to stop and to please don’t fell on empty ears as he sprung out his cock. He was going to break you without mercy.

Mista lined his tip against your entrance, his body radiating pure heat and energy. “This WILL hurt darling, but just know every ounce of pain is worth as much as my love for you!” Sick twisted bastard.

You felt his rock hard dick bottom out inside you, your body unwillingly arching up and holding onto Mista’s shoulders. Mista’s eyes widened as you did this, & his face swelled with adoration for you. “Oh amore, you are just so perfect and beautiful,” he started to rail you harder and harder just to hear your screaming moans as he assaulted your g-spot, “but i want you to have all of me-ugh FUCK- don’t you want all of me amore?!”

Pleasure had you nearly drunk, “God yes Mista please, give me all of you-“ Your pleas were cut off by a cold metal tip being slammed into your cunt, Mista slammed a hand over your mouth and kept his forehead rested on yours. His giant gun being shoved into your pussy made you grind against the impact.

“Oh good girl yeah, keep riding it like that baby,” Mista praised you as you moaned for him. His hand uncovered your mouth as he gripped your face to be aligned with his. “Whos are you? Who is your soulmate?!” He started to fuck you even harder, enjoying the look of intensity on your face.

“Y-Yours Mista!! F-fuck ive always been yours!!”

Mista threw the gun to the ground and shoved himself back inside of you, your back arching as he continued his assault of you. “You better cum all over my dick because you b-FUCK you’re a good slut- i’m cumming inside you, do you understand?”

Your response was an orgasm like none you’ve ever experienced. Mista’s hot sperm lined your walls & his chest heaved into yours. He collapsed onto the bed beside you & immediately started holding you, not giving you any chance to come down off your high.

“You’re mine.” He whispered to you as your senses slowly came back to you. “And you’ll stay that way.”

Guido Mista. Your gun toting downfall.

[jaekaicx]

yk for a while now ppl have been speculating where the frog kids are gonna end up and how the show’s gonna end, and ive seen a bunch of ppl theorize that marcys gonna end up moving away. and sure, maybe it would do them some good, but i really hope that doesnt happen

im not trying to theorize or predict the end, but i really hope that marcy gets to stay in amphibia. i havent rly seen that many ppl advocating for amphibia, so i figured why not.

now obivously amphibia is super dangerous and its done a lot of harm to the kids. marcy died there. its clearly not perfect, but you cant ignore how much good it did for marcy to go there (specifically marcy here).

earth was cool for marcy, i guess. he has his best friends, his media, and he excelled at school. but idk if marcy was truly happy on earth. we dont know much abt his homelife, but based on what we have seen of it, and marcys own actions, we can tell that it wasnt great. at best his parents are greatly misunderstood, and at worst… well yk.

and even if marcy had his best friends, he was bending over backwards to be with them. he would do all of the work in their group projects, and thats the only canonically confirmed thing we know. on top of that, they were already devoting a good chunk of their life towards academics. we saw marcy, a middle schooler, studying for the psats. and while that mightve been a mistake, theres still the fact that marcy was stuck studying in a library instead of celebrating their best friend’s birthday. theres a bunch more i could touch on, but the point is while marcy mightve been content on earth, they definitely werent happy.

and then they found the box. and the trio was sent to amphibia. obviously marcy shouldntve hid what they did from anne and sash, but we know this already. and despite how bad it was for anne and sasha in amphibia, i cant help but feel glad that marcy had a great time in amphibia. unfortunately we dont see much, but from their theme song takeover marcy clearly had a blast in their time there. its like they said, they came into their own as a person. marcy was given the chance to thrive in a place that catered to their strengths. and they did. they became a hero to the city with confidence they never wouldve gotten on earth.

of course it wasnt perfect either. andrias was a manipulative son of a bitch who used marcy and disposed if him the minute he was no longer of use to andrias. and while newtopia mightve adored marcy, he never made the kind of connection that anne made with wartwood. another post made a great point abt this already (i’ll link it if i find it) but a lot of the love marcy got in newtopia was conditional, and it played right into his deepest insecurities. he never got the support system that anne got, one that would care about him no matter what. at least, not yet.

thing is though, this can be fixed. we saw in the s3 trailer that olivia and yunnan go back for marcy, and they’ll likely become the support system that marcy needed: two newt moms that would care abt them no matter what. and with andrias set up as one of the big bads of the series, its almost guaranteed that he’s gonna be dealt with by the end in some way shape or form (at least i hope so oh god). meaning: no more andrias to manipulate the shit out of marcy.

of course its a lot more complicated than that. amphibia is still a super dangerous place to be, and its likely that a lot of pressure would be put on marcy if he stayed. but we know that marcy is capable of fending for himself in amphibia. he survived for five months there (not counting the time he got stabbed), and hes pulled off plenty of missions and dangerous quests. and even if he has a lot to work through, by thst point he’ll have a support system who’ll help him out.

it may be a lot to hope for, but i truly hope marcy is able to stay in amphibia. it’s done a lot of good for them, and i cant help but be optimistic about marcy making a place for himself there. in my best case scenario, there would be a way for people to travel between earth and amphibia, be it through the music box or the calamity powers, so marcy would still be able to visit earth from time to time. but, i think it would be good for marcy to step back from earth for a while.

[shoezuki]

Tommy's prison/revival arc isnt well written actually

Anyways ive been wanting to talk on it a while for a bit here but havent had the Time or like. The thought to. But im gonna go off now.

First off im gonna say im ASSUMING this stream and plot of tommy being in the prison with dream is written entirely by tommy and dream. Wilbur May be involved in the latest stream but im not sure.

Bringing tommy back to life after only three days of him being dead did practically nothing to progress plot, the characters, or audience's understanding. In fact i feel that it damaged Other characters' potential and plot and already established plotlines.

The 'development' aspect

A really, really easy way to see if anything has changed or developed through an arc or plotline is to straightup just compare the 'beginning' to the 'end' in terms of the barebones situation. So;

Beginning: tommy is trapped in an isolated prison cell with dream, his own abuser who has hurt him in the past, for an unknown amount of time. He's terrified of dream and being stuck there with him.

End: tommy is trapped in an isolated prison cell with dream after being killed then revived by him, his own abuser whos hurt him in the past, for an unknown amount of time. Hes terrified of dream and being stuck there with him.

Okay. This is simplified obvious. But the point stands. ALTHOUGH the troupe of 'going back to the beginning' is common in the heroes journey its. It doesnt work here. Has tommy learned anything? Has he changed as a character? Is the severity of their situation any different? Have we, as the audience, learned anything new?

Im going to expand on that last point because i think it has the strongest potential argument. Technically for progression in literature and development of plot/characters, things can Change without them being Aware as characters. It can change just by the audience's perception changing or being challenge.

Slight example: i've been reading a webcomic called Your Throne. Its a fantasy/political drama about a noble lady who entered a competition with another noble lady to become the empress. The main lady lost despite her being a better fit, and the comic starts with the main lady trying to assassinate the empress. Its assumed and stated by the main lady that she 'ruined her life' and so thats all the readers know. However, later in the novel we see flashbacks to the competition itself and find that the two ladies were extremely close friends, neither wanting anything bad for the other, but it was the emperor himself who manipulated both of them for his own agenda. Those flashbacks gave us an entirely different idea of who the real antagonist is and completely changed the two main ladies' relationship. THAT is how the audience's understanding of the plot and novel can be used to change the entire story. We dont get such here though

Some things that were brought to light during tommy being dead/revived:

Dream is capable of reviving people infinitely

This was already implicated and assumed. The book dream has being a means of reviving people has been around Technically since schlatt's death. This just 'confirmed' what was known

Time works differently/feels longer in the afterlife

This doesnt really impact much beyond emotions and implications. If we had more insight into what the 'afterlife' is like beyond nothingness perhaps so. But really it just makes it so wilbur being dead for what feels like 9 years and tommy having been dead for 2 months appeal to emotions.

Wilbur is evil

This one fuckin sucks i cant lie HSKSHSISSGEGDV. Like i was gon go on bout it and i will but it jus sucks. We have nothing to go on besides tommy's word, no examlles of what Horrible things wilbur said could make tommy assume this, etcetc. Ill most likely make a seperate post on how this feels like we're just going to get 'wilbur is a horrible villain' type with him. But still. I feel wilbur Not Being Good isnt a new development.

Dream is going to revive wilbur

This doesnt feel new either, part because phil had wanted to revive wilbur before (ill get to that more later) and that tommy had kept dream alive/initially imprisoned him with the idea of him reviving wilbur.

Dream believes wilbur will break him out of prison

Okau this makes no sense to me actually. I cwnt understand How exactly wilbur would be able to do this? Or why dream believes he even Could? Mans been dead for like 9 years and all we Know of the afterlife is that its black... nothingness. How would 9 years of that make wilbur capable of busting the prison open?

So. Yeah. All in all this plotline hasnt done anything new, developed things, or altered people's perceptions. We just ended up back at square one. Back to tommy being traumatized, dream being 'evil' and horrible and doing villain monologues, and them being stuck together.

Other characters and plotlines

Im pretty damn sure tommy's revival fucked up a LOT of other characters' plotlines and potential development. Honestly i feel this has a lot to do with the writers not communicating with other ccs well enough. But Ill talk about specific characters from least to most fucked over in my opinion:

Sam

He's the best off. He hqd been there during tommy's death, had been close to tommy, had majorly blamed himself and his own mistakes for tommy's death. His grief and self hatred was actually really heartbreaking and well done. The attached character of Sam Nook being unaware of tommy's death and simply waiting for tommy to return was a really good parallel to sam's own grief and anger. like it really snapped sam the guy who cares for tommy and wants to do Right by him back together with him as the Warden of the prison. Mixed personal life with 'just business'.

I feel it wouldve been nice to have him like. Have more time to grieve properly and come to terms eith tommy's death and his own involvement/influence over the events. Him finding tommy alive again Could be a means of him like. Facing his own grief head on if done well.

Ranboo

Mostly in the context of him and sam's argument do i feel it got screwed over. The weight of them yelling at each other and trying to find who to blame and the implications that Maybe ranboo was the one who caused the security breach that closed down the prison on tommy just.... doesnt hit so hard anymore. Because how can there be blame and arguments and a 'who done it' mystery when tommy popped up all fine again?

Puffy

I dony know much of her involvement or how she found out tommy died (besides metagaming shhhhh) but i saw her monologuing of how they 'failed' tommy and like. Her whole 'he was so young we the Adults failed him' spiel is like........... inconsequential? Now??? Like no dont worry he died but hes alright now.

Philza

BET YOU DIDNY EXPECT TO SEE THIS FUCKER!!!!!! But actually though i want to talk bout how this ties into phil. A LOT. for Zalbr ❤. But also because i see ppl tying phil to tommy's death n like nah shutup u doin it wrong. Ill go off more in a Wilbur Post. But essentially: i dont like that dream is now going to revive wilbur. I feel they arent going to tie philza into this Despite phil having originally been trying to revive his son and studying on it and Attempting and Failing. But now suddenly dream can just. Say some magic words and Poof wilbur lives? So we're just going to Kill philza's revival attempts plotline and leave that hanging? This made his efforts seem pointless and Wack like oh why didnt you just Say The Magic Words phil????

Niki

I feel really bad for niki. She hasnt been able to do a lore stream during tommy's 'death' (she tweeted she wanted to but her computer wasnt working) and considering her entire character.... that shit is important. We seen it with Jack Manifold how tommy's death impacted Him considering he literally wanted tommy dead. And since niki is in a similar boat to jack of trying to kill tommy and it being her Only goal...... thats extremely important.

BUT. i feel there wasnt any communication. Did she or anyone even know tommy would be revived? Did no one consider they could At Least let her do a single stream on it? Like jack manifold????

We couldve gotten a Really good niki lore stream. I genuinely was so excited for it and i dont regularly watch her. But we seen it with jack manifold which is why i dont feel he got screwed because mans genuinely did So Good he could pop off with anything n i think it works in His favour. But now........ for niki. Canonically she never even knew tommy was Dead. So its like nothing even happened for her. Is she just supposed to continue on trying to kill tommy with no progression?

What i think would work

This is more me being like 'hey @ the dsmp writers let me in' type speculation sbosegussgs. But i was thinkin on a Really easy way to 'fix' this without rewriting lore and the streams.

Dream should kill tommy again now that he's been revived and Leave Him Dead.

More development for the characters who are affected by his death Especially niki. More time for grief and self reflection and development

A chance for the audience to figure out what the 'afterlife' really is.

Dream is supposed to be smart and a master manipulator or something right? Why doesnt he use being able to revive tommy as a bargaining chip with sam for his own freedom?

The audience would now Know dream's intentions with tommy better, that this death isnt 'final', but we could still see other characters' grief and reactions and coping without it feeling cheap. Ive seen some 'but people dont know tommy is alive so hes still dead in their mind' but that sucks imo.

We'd know more on dream's ability to revive people and that he can just Do It on a whim (which i think sucks but hey im trying) but no one else would know this canonically

Okay. Im done. If you read this. Thankyou. I love you. Hmu.

[tetranocular]

having a personality disorder is absolute balls

the whole ethos of my life is just.. finding an easier way because i have zero tolerance for hard things

i cant just push through the way other people often can, so when an easy alternative isnt available, i crack under pressure and give up

and my threshold for what is or isnt easy is slowly shifting so that more things feel impossible to do

and its not like i cant do challenging things, im capable on occasion, but i cant choose what those things are at all, even when its something i KNOW will benefit me, or when it’s something i REALLY want to do

and the extra sucky thing is that when i try and communicate this to my parents, they dont seem to get it at all, which is an extremely frustrating and isolating experience

and its not like i havent worked to try and change this. ive been in therapy since i was 13. that’s a decade. a decade of therapy and there’s nothing to show for it. hell, it was only a couple years ago that we were finally like “oh hey you might have a personality disorder!” 

so what did i do? i went and found a therapist who specialized in personality disorders, i told him what hasnt worked for me in the past, and he essentially said “shit, the things that havent worked for you in the past are the only things i know how to do, sorry :/”

and ive kept him despite making basically no progress with him because he’s one of the few therapists willing to keep my parents at bay for me, because they just cant accept that i dont work the same way as them and dont trust me enough to make decisions about my life and need some dude who also understands very little about me to echo what i say in order to actually take shit seriously

because if he didnt do that, they’d start hounding me about doing things their way again, despite the fact that it made me 10x more miserable. hell, even with him keeping them at bay, they still try and do that! my therapist just makes it so its less frequent

god, and before anyone says anything, im SO fucking tired of people telling me what i need to do to improve my life

if you have a suggestion, chances are, ive already tried it, so just please fucking dont

like man ive tried so much shit. i’ve been to a wilderness program, ive been to a therapeutic boarding school, ive done yoga and breathing exercises and mediation and cbt and dbt and exercise and group therapy and VARIOUS meds. fuck, the only thing i feel like i HAVENT tried is sending electric waves directly into my brain, and thats only because people say that the treatment can make your memory worse, and i already cant remember most of the shit i do each day. even so, im STILL considering trying that out, because i just dont know what else to do

i just... i really wish i could approach life in a different way, but they dont call personality disorders ‘personality rigidity’ for nothing. shit feels impossible to change. ive spent half my life trying to be even mildly functional, and it hasnt worked, so at this point, im tempted to say that i just cant

and the thing is that its just so fucking typical of me. giving up because it’s hard. but im just so fucking tired of trying. believe me, if it seemed like shit was working, id probably have a bit more drive, but ive been running in place for a decade. im tired. i want to just be able to exist as-is without someone (cough cough my parents) complaining to me that im ill-equipped for the world and that im not doing enough and wasting my life 

i know! believe me, i know!! i AM ill-equipped for the world, and shit, i probably am not doing enough, but unless you can wave a magic fucking wand and fix it for me, youre just gonna have to take me the way i am, because i dont see change on the horizon

[lovebug5151]

Family Bonding (With a hint of Angst) Robodad Grian Au

(Yes, unless y'all have better ideas for the name of this Au, this is what i’m going with lmao. If you do have any, go ahead and say em! If i like it and it fits, ill rename it and say it was your idea in the next chapter.)

So this is about 2040 words, and i’m quite happy with it. I don’t think I made this one as sad as the first one, but im not sure. I actually have a story line for up to ch 5 of this story, and I hope that this is one of the last true sad chapters (Though I might spice some things up, dont want things too happy, do ya :D

This is also about a week or so after the events of the first chapter.

Grian sat on top of his mansion, just watching and listening to the wind, breathing in, and out. He needed to clear his head. Earlier Mumbo had made a offhand comment about how Grumbots heart was missing, and ‘maybe it fell into the ocean’ before laughing. 

While Grian knew Mumbo didn’t have the same background as he did with considering Aware AI’s ‘just robots’, he had called Grumbot son, even if it was awkwardly. It hurt Grian, to know that Mumbo might hurt Grumbot, even unintentionally, if he did see him. And Jrumbot… he was just a child, his dad saying hurtful things would hurt him so much more.

Grian had to quickly finish up what he was doing, and rush back to his base to breath. He couldn’t work beside Mumbo at the moment, couldn’t explain how Mumbo had hurt him, and so had run off. 

Grian leaned forward slightly to look down. It was a far drop. Grian had never truly been afraid of heights, he loved climbing high in the air. 

It was joked that it was because he was short, that he liked to be tall, but he just liked feeling the wind rush around him, and the feeling of falling and pulling up right before hitting the ground. It was elating, and whenever he was feeling bad he just took a leap off a roof and fell, before swooping up using his elytra. 

He wondered if Grumbot would like flying, he could fix up some Jet boots for him, maybe mechanical wings? Yeah, he’ll make some wings for Grumbot and if he liked them, maybe some for himself. He liked the idea of being able to mostly hover in one place. 

He let out a breath and looked at the sun. It was nearing lunch, and if he didn’t come inside Grumbot would come looking for him. 

Grian swooped down, landing in front of the door, before heading inside. 

--------

Grumbot hummed as he finished cooking some steak. He and Jrumbot were able to eat regular food, and no one knew how, but neither Grumbot or Grian really wanted to question it so they let it be.

He put the steak on plates and turned around just as his Dad walked in. He smiled and said hi to him while bringing the plates to the table. Jrumbot was already there and they sat on chairs to eat.

It was quiet for a moment before Grian yawned. “Have you two ever wanted to fly?” 

Grumbot looked at him weirdly for a second before nodding. “Yeah, kinda, but I'm way too heavy for an elytra.”

Jrumbot paused with his steak halfway in his mouth

“If fould fe fun fu fly” He said, still chewing his food. 

Grian sighed slightly and smiled at Jrumbot 

“Jrumbot, dont talk with your mouth full.”

Jrumbot finished his mouthful and squirmed slightly. “Sorry.”

“|Its alright. Its just something to that we dont make a mess okay?” Grian told him.

“Okay.” Jrumbot muttered, before continuing “But yeah! It would be so fun to fly!”

Grian smiled “I have an idea then, but let's finish eating, yeah?” Both of them nodded at him before starting to eat their steak again.

After dinner, Jrumbot went to go mess with some of the blocks Grian had given him, and Grian and Grumbot went down to the Lab. They called it a Lab, but it was just a basement with too many tech pieces in it.

Grumbot sat down in a chair before waiting for Grian to talk, while Grian went over to look at something on a table.

“Dad,” Grumbot started, when it was obvious Grian wasn't gonna start talking “What was with the questions about flying?”

Grian glanced back at him. “Not much, I was just thinking about something. You both know how you're too heavy for elytras, but I was thinking, if we remade some of your body into lighter but still strong metals, and used,” His talking stopped as he walked towards a wall. Grumbot was confused until suddenly a Shulker Box opened.

Grumbot stared for a second before laughing. “How did i not know that was there?” He got out between giggles.

Grian smiled at him. “I havent opened it around you, and you haven't snooped. I'm not surprised you haven't found it. I keep my old ideas in there, old blueprints, old mechanical pieces I just couldn't throw away, those sort of things.” Grian started unrolling a big piece of paper “And I remembered I had a blueprint of these old things.”

Grumbot stood up to look at the paper, and after taking a moment to understand it, froze with excitement. He glances up at Grian with a giant smile, and Grian smiled back.

---------

Grian let out a oof as Grumbot collided with him. Grumbot was giggling uncontrollably, and Grian was happy that Grumbot was happy. Grumbot let go to look at the blueprint again and looked up with eyes so full of excitement that Grian felt excited too.

“Can we actually make these?” Grumbot asked, almost bouncing up and down.

Grian laughed and nodded. “Yeah, we'll have to test them out, but there's no reason we can't. It will take a while.” He warned Grumbot “And I will test out the wings first when we think they're ready.”

He saw Grumbot take a breath, to say something when Grian continued. “I haven't tested these designs yet. I would rather, if something goes wrong, to have me gone for a couple days respawning, and you safe, instead of you-” Grian couldn't even finish the sentence before he had to take a deep breath before the tears started coming. “Instead of you getting hurt.” He ended quietly, putting his hand on Grumbots shoulder. Grumbot looked down for a moment, before looking up at Grian with sadness. 

“I understand Dad, but please don't get hurt, Don’t d-die and have to respawn, I don't know what I'd tell Jrumbot.”

Grian looked at him and smiled sadly. “I wasn't planning on dying anytime soon kid. Let's start figuring out what we need to get for the wings, yeah?” Grumbot nodded excitedly, and bolted for the metals cabinet. Grian laughed as he followed along.

--------

Grian Yawned and stretched out his arms. They were all sitting in front of a fireplace, enjoying tea and Jrumbot was cuddling with Maui.

The good feeling couldn't last forever though, because eventually Jrumbot looked up and over at Grian. “Dad,” He started “Why haven't we seen Papa?”

Grian froze for a second before closing his eyes. He didnt wanna talk about this to them, he didn't want to hurt them.

“Dad?” Grumbot questioned, seeing his Dad freeze up and look on the verge of tears.

Grian sighed and rubbed his face. “Both of you come here.” He murmured finally, patting the couch he was sitting on either side of him.

Grumbot and Jrumbot quickly came over to sit beside him, and Grian put both his arms on their shoulders.

Grian took a deep breath. “You have not seen mumbo, and have not been able to explore outside of my mansion area, for a couple reasons. One of these is that I'm not too sure how mobs will react to you, and How you'd react with being hurt by a mob. The other,...” Grian took a deep breath, and closed his eyes, letting his chin drop to his chest. “The other,” Grian continued, “Is because I'm not too sure of how the other Hermits would react to you.” He finally looked up and saw both of them staring at him in confusion. Grian tried to explain. “I'm one of the only ones who have experience with actually aware AI’s, I believe, and when some people are scared of something, they decide that they should hurt it before it hurts them.” He took another deep breath and looked into Grumbot and Jrumbots eyes, one after the other. “I do not believe that many of the Hermits would react this way, but I don't know exactly how they would react, and I don't want them to hurt you, either unknowingly or not.”

He saw Grumbots eyes widen and Jrumbots eyes narrow slightly. “I understand that reasoning dad,” Jrumbot started “But why haven't we seen papa?”

Grian sighed again. “Do you two remember yesterday morning, when I came back early and stayed on the roof for a bit?” they both nodded and Grian continued. “I did that, because Mum- Papa, upset me with his words.” He said, before taking a pause. He didn't look at either of his boys, but rather the ceiling as he said “He made some not nice jokes about Grumbot. Both of you must know however,” Grian started saying immediately when they both froze “That Mumbo doesn't know much about Aware AI’s. He believed Grumbot was an unaware aware AI, and that he was killed when he broke down. He did not know you had actual feelings, instead of manufactured ones. Mumbo often has issues figuring out other people's emotions, and most of the time redstone doesn't have emotions. Mumbo doesn't know about you two, and you haven't seen him,” Grian was starting to slow as he tried to find the words he needed. “Because, Because I am afraid. He murmured quietly. I am afraid he will unwittingly hurt you with his words, and I didnt want that to happen before you were aware it could happen. I'm sorry I kept this from you, but I wasn't aware of how to say it, or if you were ready for it, and decided to let one of you bring the topic up.”

There was silence for a moment before both of his boys hugged him. “I understand Dad,” Grumbot murmured into his shirt. “You didn't want us to get hurt, but thank you for telling us now.” Jrumbot nodded in agreement and Grian let out a wet laugh. Sounding on the edge of tears he said “What did I ever do without you boys?”

Grumbot pulled away and giggled as he said “Forgot about eating dinner.”

Grian paused before letting out a loud laugh which made Grumbot and Jrumbot start giggling.

“I can't say you're wrong.” Grian laughed, running a hand through his hair.

Grian then yawned, and stood up to stretch. “However nice this bonding session has been.” Grian started, turning toward his boys. “I believe it is bedtime. No buts!” he smiled at them as he said that, both of them having opened their mouths to deny it. It is nighttime, and very dark, and both of you need sleep.”

“Will you read to me dad,” Jrumbot murmured, fidgeting on the couch.

Grian smiled at him. “Of course, you only need ask.” He smirked at Jrumbot before saying “However, the first one to get to your room gets to pick the book, and oh look, Grumbots already at the hallway-” Jrumbot shrieked out a laugh as a sudden race took place in the hallway, and Grian smiled as he tidied the place up, talking the mugs to the kitchen to wash tomorrow.

He then walked to the boys bedroom, to find Jrumbot pouting as Grumbot sat on his bed.

“What will the story be?” Grian asked them, and Grumbot smiled before saying, “what about the one about the Dragons saving the world?”

Jrumbot glanced up with wide eyes and Grian grinned. Even though Grumbot had obviously won, he had also chosen his brother's favorite book to read.

Grian walked over to the bookshelf and found the book, “A Warrior's Tail” before walking to Jrumbots bed. He started reading to them, and within the third chapter, they were both asleep. 

Grian smiled and leaned over both of them to kiss their foreheads, before whispering ‘night’ and leaving the room. He walked toward his own bedroom and climbed into bed. Grian looked at the ceiling and felt Maui joined him, purring as he curled up around Grians head. He reached up to scratch Maui under the chin, before yawning and turning off his lamp.

That talk was one he had been dreading, and it went over quite well. Grians last thought before sleeping was ‘Maybe I should introduce them to another Hermit.’

-----------

For whatever reason, Autocorrect really hates all names. Anyways, I know who the Hermit is, But do any of you? I want to see who you think the hermit is!

Also, if you liked this story, please comment! I loved reading all of your comments on the last one! They helped me make this chapter as quick as possible! (I may also be procrastinating on other stories with a Grumbot Fix-it Fic but, oh well)

[mollydollyjournals]

Everything feels so quiet again. I hate this about being nocturnal. At least during the day more people are around and online and I might have a little interaction. I wonder if I'll ever get my body clock to function on a 24hr schedule. Even as a child and teenager I've always had sleeping problems though. My body clock has always fought against regular timing. I definitely find it easiest when I'm actually excited to get up for something in particular, but that's not all there is to it. Besides that feels like a tall ask right now.

I've been crying a lot recently. I dont usually cry that much at all but the past month maybe, in increasing frequency, and the majority of the past few days, I'm always on the verge of or in tears. I'm on so much prozac I can sometimes feel it pushing me to just smile through it and do something, but I think my mind wins over it when it sees that my 5 minutes of positivity didnt bring luck like everyone says it will. I'm tempted to lower my dose just so I can at least be consistently sad. Part of me hopes I'd get bad enough to SH and do more noticeable stuff so someone will realise how I feel, but part of me knows that's not how itll work and I'll just do those things and feel even worse because I'm still by myself. Most of me feels guilty because that's the dramatic stereotype and nobody likes an attention seeker, but most of me also knows it's not socially acceptable to directly ask for help and support. The times I've said a thing about how bad I feel, very obviously in need of support, i havent got it. So if i did something more, i still wouldnt get it, but I'd just be bothering people even more by letting them see. But then maybe I'd actually get the balls to just end it properly and get it over with. But I also know I'm not someone who'd do something so final without exhausting all options first, which means I'd also say that more directly, and then the same issue applies.

I'm so sick of feeling like this. I feel like such a waste of space and it's the same problem where I need x to do y but I need y to get z and I need z to get x. Whenever I try to force myself to break that cycle alone, I burn out. I feel worse for the fact that I'm doing it alone. I feel like theres no point in achieving any of it if I'm still alone. I did so much growing up by myself and doing way too much and all it got me was a bit more time alive so I could watch everyone else actually live and realise how cut off i was. Last time i had a major breakdown i came out of it over time but i felt worse afterwards than before because of the fact that I'd had to deal with it alone. I felt resentful of all the people who saw me say outright on my social media 'I feel really terrible and I need support/dont think I can deal with this alone/etc' and either said nothing or just briefly acknowledged it then continued on. I didnt really get over it, I just stopped in the same way a baby learns to stop crying eventually if nobody comes. So i came out of the breakdown with the resentful and anxious feeling that i cant really rely on anyone and am truly alone.

Now I'm so much more sensitive. Of course I'm more sensitive. I'm scared this is more permanent mental shit that I wont be able to get rid of. I cant stay like this forever. I never used to be this bad. But I had some outlets at least, and some hope that it might be different at some point. Now it feels like I'm just so worn out and I need to rest and be protected but the longer I go without it the more I need and the more impossible it gets and then I feel like theres no point in trying because theres no way to fix the cycle. Not without some anime-level miracle.

All I can do is drink and hope I get distracted by something else for a while. Hope I get chatty and confident enough to send the first messages and make the first posts, hope the audience happens to be responsive. Hope I come up with some kind of idea that'll keep me busy and entertained.

There was a day a few months ago where I drank a lot over the course of a day, and I started getting really bad palpitations where my heart was stopping for a few seconds at a time and restarting painfully. It especially stopped whenever I lay down and kept still, ie when I was trying to sleep. I thought I was probably going to die in the night so I wrote out a little note on my phone just in case. But I was kind of happy about it. For whatever reason, a few friends had been online and we'd all talked a lot, and I'd had things to do, and we talked about what we were doing throughout that day, and we all screwed around and shitposted, and it was just nice. It didnt feel so much like quarantine as just long distance friends and I felt like if that was gonna be my last day then so be it.

Of course, I didnt die. It turned out my meds needed adjusting so I did that and the palpitations lessened. I kind of wish I did just die. I guess it's morose. But it would have taken the guesswork and worrying out of all this. I'm just so tired. Its not that I dont want to get better and enjoy life. I just dont know if I can. I dont know if theres too much damage been done. I was already a difficult case before the pandemic but it's really fucked me over a lot and brought up a lot of old and new insecurities and I dont know if I'm really able to make the transition to something normal and okay.

My heart palpitations are bad again right now. Today it's because of restricting food. Theres some kind of weak heart trait in my family so I've always had the occasional palpitation, but they get bad sometimes. It's not painful right now, just weak. If I breathe too deeply it loses rhythm. I keep beginning to hyperventilate from anxiety and my heart gets irregular and weird. Of course as I say that I get some pain.

I dont feel like I can eat more though. I did have a meal for dinner. Low calorie, but a meal. So my calories for today weren't super low. One thing that's always consistent about my thing with food etc is the control element. That when everything is bad, I need something to go my way, and this is all I can do. I dont know.

Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. Probably not. But I really want to. I really need to. It only takes small things, small distractions to keep me going. If I can just survive long enough to keep at some things to change my situation, maybe I can get out of this. But if I crack, I drink and binge and do other things that make me feel worse. I dont know. I'm trying to drag myself along but I guess it doesn't look like I'm doing anything at all.

[ceeweej]

YOU'LL EITHER GET IT OR YOU WON'T??????????

I HAVE ADHD AND I DIDNT KNOW IT UNTIL I WAS 24. OR 25. WHICH WAS ALSO THIS PAST YEAR (?) THAT I FIGURED IT OUT (?) (AND BRO I LITERALLY CANNOT PROCESS TIME AS OF MARCH 2020. LIKE IM COOL. IM WITH IT. BUT I DONT *FEEL* IT.)

IS THE REASON I'M SO /RELATABLE/ BECAUSE I SAY "Y'KNOW" A LOT?

THAT ALMOST SOUNDS LIKE A JOKE BUT IM RLY THINKING ABOUT IT BECASUSE ADDINBG "YKNOW" AFTER YOU SAY A THING WITH A CERTAIN INFLECTION CLUES THE PERSON YOURE TALKING TO INTO THE FACT THAT YOUR TONE WAS SIGNIFICANT

BTW SPEAKING OF TONE

IM NOT ACTUALLY SHOUTING. I JUST FEEL THE NEED TO TYPE IN CAPS RN. I THINK IT..... HELPS ME....? HOLY SHIT. I'VE NEVER MADE THAT CONNECTION BEFORE. IT TOOK ME LIKE. OK ITS PROBABLY BEEN 6 MONTHS OF KNOWING FOR SURE ABOUT ADHD (BUT STILL NOT *FOR SURE* FOR SURE BC LIKE I DIDNT GET A SPECIALIST EVALUATION BUT LIKE........... WE KNOW)

wERE ALL tjer FUICKING HOMESTUCK TROLLS SUPPOSED TO BE

NEURODIVERGENT. scratch that straight up every homestuck character is literally neurodivergent i will not be accepting any feedback or criticism on this point

god ansd like. listen this

im just. okay listen ig i;m not Masking my typing, let's sat. if i just keep all the tpypoos in my tpyiong there because thats hiw it ha[pens. Okay. Now I am gong Slow. I'm Wow. actually. going slow and typing right i can't. Think the same. Ialso instinctively backspace to fix typos more when going slow. ooooh..... wait. broi literlally. forgot that TYPING IS A SKILL!!!! just like! any other thing I do with my body! I was a little fucke dup internet gremlin as a child becAUSE!@! NECAUSE!!!!! I WAS BULLIED FOR BEING NEURODIVERGENT COUGH COIYGH AHEM COUGH ADSFDSHJNDFBC HFJGFKUYTLASF

omg dude like honestly thinkijg of posting this and someone reading it is acruallt so funny., is this art?> do you know what i am saying? I am not dont thing. ??????? hello? I am not doing this intentionally. I havent been able to shut my bra i n o f fffff let me go back to doing Research on..... ohhh hmy god. i mean this is how people DO IT. THIS IS WHY TUMBLR IS THE ONLY VALID PLATFORM. THE SHIT IS READABLWE!!! I CAN READ ALL OF WHAT IM TYPING AS I GO AND I CAN STREAM OF CONCHOIIUS. CONCHES. like the shell. its a pun. self conches. idk, thats what my brain says whenever i think Self Conscious. I think it's because I always mix up Conscious and Conscience. Do? Do you? YOU? I am genuinely asking like it;s gonna sound like maybe I am being weird internet Funny man. But listen, if you are reading this please tell me. I havent asked the question yet, here it is: Do you think about words in this way???? Am I literally insane! Like I make sense to em (me). Like I have to self edit every thing that comes out of my entire being. But god, doesn't everyone? Is the issue that I do it or that i'm aware of it? I'm questioning myself. i find myswlf! ASKING@!! WHYN CANT YOY JUST! DO IT! JUST DO IT FO ITY DO IT DO IT DOTI DTFHGFH

but i

i dont think i can?

and like

im...... like im fine with that. in fact i tjink it's cool and sexy of me to see things differently. i didnt say this at the start of this but i find it actuallly--

[ UJHHHHHH INSANE NOW THAST YA MENTION IT THAT I COULD WRITE AS MUCH AS I WANT ON A TUMBLR POST AND IOT JUST EXISTS LIKLE THAT. LIKE. IM SURE INSTAGRAM CAPRTIONS HAVE A CHARACTER LIMIT *EVENTUALLY?*** RI]

-- like something else i realized is. I dont think I haaaaave disassociative identity disorder. And i am fully aware that I could be overpathologizing. at present i have had *pretty severe* insomnia

i dont think much has changed ok yeah i really dont. know. im like "no, i've always felt this way. i'm normal. <3" whats disassociative identitity disorder?

i feel like it could be true that i have an Identity Disorder. i have had issues with mySelf and how i View myself and how other Perceive me and what others Think of me and. phewwww yknow???

one thing! too!

what IS mania???

that wasnt it that was something else

I DONT FEEL BAD I JUST FEEL DIFFERENT

---- ok so like this section right here is gonna be another homestuck thing:? --

god shut tf up

like it's meaning less i know it's nonsense. it's compulsive? Whatever its how im coping bc i cant fucking sleep and i hate not being able to fucking SLEEP BINGO THATS IT THERE IT IS I HAVE T R A U M A ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO SFALL THE FUCK ASLEEP

and UHHHH trauma thats mildly related to homestuck but in a way thats entirely shitty people who werent like a part of homestuck ""fandom"" per se treated me at the time i was Reading it and nothing to do with the actual comic itsef which is just forever Tainted. i had a big brain thought about epil. epidemic memory. im feeling scared? now bc i realize my mom does this exact same thing. i didn't use to. why scared? i Smoke Oui'd now and hmmmmmmHMMMM my mom made me scared of drugs. oh my god. my mom literally lied to me and i could tell but i came to the wrong conclusion? or. no i couldnt tell she was lyi

i COULD tell. I could tell that my mom, when she said that she expeimented with drugs to "see what they were like" like, she literally phrased it something like , "" i REMEMBER That. i (signaling me to me) REMEMBER (sticks out that what i (subject) (me) is doing is REMEMBERING something (use memory part of brain) (ok) (types note to myself to.... RUN THE PROCESS? BEFORE THE PROCESS STARTS? BC WOAAAHHHH BRAIN WORK. IS THAT. WHAT DOES IT SAY THAT I AM AWARE OF THAT? AM I MAKING ANY SENSE AT ALL?

this is so chaotic it's so funny to me. esp the more i focus and normally i would........ look away or dissOCIATE??? TO KEEP ZONING OUT???? AAAUUHGHHH AAAAAHHH PSYCHIC DAMAGE UNTO ME OOHHHH AAUOOWWIIEEE

but NOW im trying to be mindful and Expressive of literally how i feal with every goddamn keystroke that i have the ability to control. if u dont get it jsut move on babt there's a lot to it. mayb e iu'll reference something later that will make it make sense that's thje BEAUTY OF IT stay WITH ME on the JOURNEY i would chastise myself for Explaining it to you but god all i wamnt and strive for is to be Understood. and my system MAKES SENSE! If you let it make sense! See through the Etrrors. somer of them are because my hands are Really hurting and burning ooo aaaa but imtriyng to be mindful of it, becausde again, somrtimes i do this anyway and i just Dissociate and

wow. shit. ok. that was Hurting me. i took a break and did some stretches. could do more. should look into getting a good dication machine but. if i cant Type it i cant get my Meaning Across the same. yknow when john green margo? margot? fuck ow from uhhh

ok whatever not important i guess cabt be FUN with CARPAL TUNNEL

i have so many more thoughts but theyll have to Wait

goodnight

- its 6am!

[tk-productions]

Mystic Sisters -Ch.7 More & More

Hikari’s Pov

“Why can't you just tell me?” Yua yelled following me into my room.

“There’s nothing to tell you.” I shrugged sitting at my desk trying to ignore my sister.

“What do you mean? You were hanging out with Haru and probably talking about me.”

“I have better things to do besides talk about you. Haru walked home with me because he saw me walking alone. I wouldn't have been alone if you didn't have to stay after school. ” I said rolling my eyes at her.

“Don't sass me. Tell me what you were talking about. And I don't want you hanging out with him.” she warned.

“Yua I don't have to tell you anything. Haru and I are friends. You can't tell me who I can and can't hang out with.”

“I'm not leaving until you tell me.” she replied, stomping her feet on the floor. I pushed her out of my room and into the hallway even though she protested.

“Now if you're done yelling at me I have homework that I would like to get done before dinner.” I shut the door, slamming it and walked back to my desk. I could hear Yua slam her bedroom door.

Geez what's gotten into her? I thought, sliding into my chair and opening up a box of Pocky. For some reason Yua has been moody and has taken her anger out on me every chance she gets. Yesterday she got mad because I used the last of her shampoo. Before school she was mad because I was wearing her jacket. And now she's upset because Haru walked me home from school.

“Haru you didn't have to walk me all the way home.” I said standing on the front steps.

“It wasn't a problem, it gave us a chance to talk. Plus I dont live that far.” That was true Haru only lived a couple blocks from us. Before Yua walked to where we were standing I could feel her presence.

“Why is he here?” she growled.

“He was just leaving.” I said giving Haru a look. He picked up on my signal and hurried home.

“Yua why are you acting like this? You've been getting mad at me all week for no reason.” she rolled her eyes opening the front door.

I kept trying to talk to her all week but it just ended with her getting mad at me. I started to think that I did something wrong but if I did she would tell me. Right? A few hours later I knocked on Yua’s door.

“Go away.” she said muffled from behind the door.

“Just talk to me please.” I pleaded. She opened the door and gave me a blank stare.

“Did you finally come to tell me why you were with Haru?”

“I told you earlier we walked home together. We stopped at the convenience store for ice cream but that was it.Is Haru the only one you're worried about? What about me? You know you haven't been the nicest to me lately.” I fumed.

“Hikari I don't want to talk to you right now.”

“The same way you wont talk to Haru?” I shot back.

“Why are you always bringing him up? Don't you think it weird you're still friends with my ex?”

“You're the one that keeps talking about him! You're obviously still in love with him.” I yelled.

“Hik-”

“No. Don't talk to me until you figure things out.” I walked back to my room and threw myself on my bed. I loved Yua but I hate when she acts like this. Angrily I grabbed my manga off my desk and read until mom called us down for dinner.

We ate dinner in silence besides our parents asking us a few questions here and there. I guess they picked up on our weird behavior when my dad gave a mom a look.

“Girls, is there something going on? You've been quiet.” Dad asked us. I shook my head no without making eye contact with him.

“Everything is just fine.” Yua replied, glancing over at me while angrily stabbing her chopsticks into her bowl of chicken curry. I pushed my empty plate away from me and stood up annoyed with Yua.

“I'm going to bed.” I hurried to my room before my parents could protest.

I could hear Yua go to her room a few minutes later. Maybe I could try talking to her tomorrow if she wasn’t still mad at me.

I woke up the next morning to find out that Yua had left for school without me. I guess she was really mad. I grabbed my backpack and went downstairs to the kitchen.

“Hi honey.” my mom smiled pouring herself a cup of coffee which was probably her second cup of the day. I smiled back and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl.

“I'll drop your duffle bag at Hisako’s house on my way to work.” she pulled me in for a bone crushing hug as I tried to take a bite of my apple.

“Mom, I'm just spending the weekend at Hisako’s. You're acting like I'm moving out.” I say muffled. She let me go and laughed.

“Have a good day and text me when you get to Hisako’s. Okay?” I nodded and told her goodbye.

It was a lonely ride on the trade without Yua. When I got to school I peeked inside her classroom only to find she wasn't there either. I saw Hisako talking with a girl and when she saw me she gave me a warm smile. She stepped outside the classroom and ran over to me.

“Have you seen Yua?” She shook her head.

“No she hasn't come in yet. Is everything okay? Is she still mad at you?” I nodded and Hisako opened her arms for a hug. I hugged her back embracing her warmth.

“You didn't walk together?”

“No.” I sighed still in Hisako’s arms while she patted my head.

“Don't worry. She’ll talk when she’s ready. You know you guys always work it out.” I knew she was right. Hisako was comforting. She always knew how to make me feel better. I looked up at Hisako smiling at her.

“Aww you're so cute.” she cooed, pinching my cheeks.

“Why are you like this?” I winned trying to break free.

“Why are you so cute?” she laughed. A group of students walked past us and Hisako pushed me off as her cheeks turned red. I looked to see who the students were and turned back to her laughing.

“Did your crush just see you cuddling me and calling me cute?” I laughed again teasing her.

“Go to class.” she rolled her eyes, walking back into class.

I didn't see Yua all day. I tried texting her but I never got a reply. She was really ignoring me. I peeked over the students looking for Yua as I waited for Hisako by the front gate of school. “She probably went home. Is she really that upset with me?” I thought to myself.

“You still havent talked to her have you?” Hisako questioned. I shook my head and she gave me a reassuring smile.

“She’ll come around eventually. Cmon lets go get snacks for our sleepover.” she said grabbing my hand.

Yua’s Pov

When I got home the first thing I did was run a bath. “This calls for extra bubbles.” I yawned while grabbing the bubble bath from the cabinet. I stepped into the tub and relaxed under the warm water. I knew Hikari was hurt because I could feel it. Mom would say it's our twintuition. Maybe that was the reason we’re so close and why this isn't one of our normal fights. I know I hurt my sister. I sighed resting my head against the cold bathroom tile. Both of my parents were at work and Hikari was at a sleepover so it was just me and my thoughts. Those were the same thoughts that kept reminding me of how I've been taking my anger out on Hikari the past week. At first I didn't know why I was so upset. I finally realized it after our fight last night.

“Why are you always bringing him up? Don't you think it weird you're still friends with my ex?”

“You're the one that keeps talking about him! You're obviously still in love with him.”

When she said that to me I didn't want to believe it but the fight kept replaying in my head last night. That's when I realized she was right. I still love Haru and it hurts that he’s pushing me away. When I saw them together yesterday I was jealous. I was jealous that they were able to talk so easily like him and I used to. I got out of the tub and wrapped myself in my robe. After getting changed I sat on my bed with my phone in my hands. My fingers kept hovering over Hikari’s contact.

Should I text her? Maybe I should call? I don't want to ruin her night. Why do I do this to myself? I groaned lying on my bed, tossing my phone to the side. Hikari wasn't the only one I needed to call right now. It was Haru. Before I could call him I was interrupted by the front door opening.

“Yua come help me with the groceries!’ mom called from downstairs.

“Im coming!”

“Mom when is Hikari coming back?” I asked putting away the vegetables.

“Sunday. Why, whats up?”

“Nothing I was just wondering.”

“Is everything okay with you two? You've been acting weird the past few days.” she stopped and turned to face me.

“No everything is fine. She wanted me to help her with some homework but I guess Hisako can help her.” I lied. She nodded, probably not believing me and went back to putting up the groceries.

I guess I have to wait until sunday to fix this.

Hikari’s pov

Hisako sat in her bed as I laid in her lap watching a movie. “How many times are you gonna make me watch this?” I yawned, growing bored.

“You know it's our tradition to watch Mean Girls during our sleepovers.”

“Yeah but do we have to watch it 5 times in one night?” I laughed looking up at her. I got off her bed and dug through my duffle bag until I pulled out two sheet masks. I turned to show her and she smiled.

“Are those the ones with green tea?” She asked joining me on the floor. I nodded handing her a mask. It was quiet besides the sound of the tv playing or the occasional giggle from Hisako.

“I missed this. We should have our sleepovers more.” I said resting my head on her shoulder. She nodded in response.

The next morning I waved to Hisako and her mom as they dropped me back off at home.

“Mom, I'm home!” I yell entering the house. No answer. I placed my keys on the entryway table and called her again. I walked into the kitchen to see Yua placing freshly baked cookies onto a tray.

“Mom had a last minute work meeting.”

“Oh.”

“Cookie?” She asked, holding the tray towards me offering a small smile.

“No thanks.” I started to walk away when she called my name.

I turned back to face her. “What? Are you gonna yell at me because I didn't take one of your cookies?” She stepped closer to me and sighed.

“No, I made those as a peace offering. I wanted to talk to you...about everything.” I studied her face for a moment before replying. I grabbed a cookie off the tray and stuffed it into my mouth.

“Well it’s gonna take a lot more than chocolate chip cookies to win me over.” I mumbled. She laughed walking out the kitchen to the living room. I followed sitting on the opposite side.

“I know I’ve been a horrible sister and i'm sorry for that. No, not just that. I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you. I never meant anything I said. I was mad at Haru and took it out on you. Also I was jealous. I was jealous because you were able to talk to him while I've been trying to do that for months. I don't expect you to forgive me right now but just know I'm really sorry and most importantly I love you.” Yua stared at me the whole time with glossy eyes. I knew she meant what she said. I scooted over sitting closer to her.

“You promised that you would never let a guy in the way of our relationship. You broke that promise and hurt me but I know how much Haru means to you. I'm willing to forgive you for now.” she smiled at me for the first time all week before engulfing me in a hug.

“You're my favorite sister and nothing can change that.”

“Yua I’m your only sister.” I pulled away from her. She was back to being herself.

“When we were fighting I realized you were right. I still love him. I left early for school. I wanted to talk to him and work everything out not because I was avoiding you.”

“Did you ever find him?”

“No.” I groaned leaning on the back of the couch. “I tried looking for him all day only to find out he didn't show up for school.”

“Talk to him tomorrow no matter what.”

“I will. You don't have to worry about us.” she smiled reaching for a cookie on the coffee table.

“Yua the day you saw us together we were talking about you. Haru doesn't know how to be around you anymore. He doesn't know how to talk to you. He knows when he left he hurt you and he doesn't want to do that again.” she stared back at me with a shocked expression on her face.

“I would never do anything to hurt you. You know Haru and I are friends. I was just comforting him.” Yua pulled me into another hug but this time it was tighter.

“Wow I really am a bad sister.”

“No, I understand why you were upset. Just have a little more faith in me next time. Okay?”

“This is why you can't date until you're 30.”

“Yuaaa.” I winned. She let me go and stood up from the couch.

“Fine you can date when you're 29.” I rolled my eyes at her.

“C'mon I’ll treat you to dinner. What do you want?”

“Shabu-Shabu!” I yelled excitedly.

“I should have known.”