#i dont know what were gonna do. we still havent been able to fix the truck bc we've never been able to afford the jack and ramps we need

[localdorkincombatboots]

We managed to get together rent just barely and I've been trying to get as many shifts at work as possible but we are still seriously struggling and our utilities are gonna be coming up soon.

In addition to the fact that we also need to begin making preparations for when my man needs to have his hernia surgery and won't be able to work. We would put this off if we could but his hernia is severe and is pressing on his lungs and the Dr said it needs to be removed asap.

Please keep reblogging this post, I don't know how we'll make it through this time if we don't get some kind of help.

*URGENT* PLEASE HELP

My family has been struggling with being financially behind for a while now due to my man's cancer and a lot of other factors and right now we desperately need help to not become homeless.

We're about $150 short on rent and then even if we manage to get that together, we also have literally no money for food or anything until next week when I next get paid.

And to make matters worse, my man has a consultation coming up for surgery on the hernia on his stomach which means we're gonna be losing more work and we've not had a single chance to be able to put money back to get through that.

PayPal: JacquelineP951

Cashapp: jayep7

Venmo: jayep7

Literally anything you can send helps and please reblog this so that the next person who could help might see this.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

ALSO. HEYHEYHEY. probably u will have to wait until after i finish 39 to answer this but holy shit dude. how does this translate to new haven wards??? i KNOW youve thought about it man. oh my fucking god. what r we doing to wibby. wraith. <- i really like this for him btw. haven't they been through enough!!!!!! also is this related 2 the second trigger situation it HAS to be right??

OKAY!!!!! HI !!!! HERE IT IS MY THOUGHTS ON WIBBY SECOND TRIGGER !!!!!!!!

when i say thoughts i mean this is less going to be an essay like my other nhw posts and more just. me throwing spaghetti at the wall and then turning to you like :D!!!!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK etc etc. i havent rlly thought about this like... plot wise??? or tried to make it make sense yet. so dont be disappointed when this is sort of short in comparison

anyway. for the LONGEST time i thought we were going to make the "absorbing kemuri's soul" thing his trigger event so that he could have the smoke powers, but.... honestly in comparison to everything else that moment was not NEARLY traumatizing enough

the reason i like this specific event as his second trigger is like. its SO fucking similar to his first. in his first trigger event, he fell off the cliff. he was still alive at the bottom, but unable to move or speak or call for help. he was stuck there for [x amount of time] but never actually triggered until someone found him and took him back. in this.... he literally gets torn in fucking half. but hes still alive. he can feel it, he knows whats happening, its the most terrifying and painful and miserable thing hes ever been through. again, he cant move. he cant talk. he cant call for help. the others dont even realize hes still alive at first, so he can hear them screaming. he still doesnt trigger until.. dakota. dakota, who can Feel it. dakota, who rushes into the danger zone as soon as he's able to and knows hes alive and desperately tries to push him back together, the whole time crying about "its gonna be okay, we'll fix it, you're gonna be okay" and just. desperately trying to do anything. THATS when he triggers.

the thing is thoughhhh. i dont think the second trigger is what actually heals him. i think he triggers and every single one of the capes in that clearing goes down for the vision, INCLUDING muse. wraith is one of the first ones to come back to consciousness but. hes still fucking torn in half! he can feel this horrible new power but he cant do anything about it because hes still got his guts all over the forest floor! uhhhh for the way he gets healed theres maybe a couple options,,, either trickster also gets the vision and thinks its hilarious that he caused a trigger event and has muse stitch wibby up himself or likee... he has to stay like that until they beat trickster and get ashe back and then they have to keep ashe in his breaker state until he fixes william. or theres some sort of.. before they beat trickster or whatever they force him to control muse into fixing him. IDK. something along those lines.

AS FOR HIS POWERS...... IDK. i dont know what they would be. i want them to be sort of like. functionally similar to the smoke powers i guess???? but maybe not explicitly the same. i still want him to be able to give xavier and david fucking awful horrible nightmare visions. i think that would probably fall under either master or shaker category????? IDK help me out with this one. also like u said before we're gonna have to fuck with the timeline and have at least the belltech part of greyscale happen after the muse final battle. which. ohhh my god i have a lot of feelings about that for the freedom city wards especially. oaugh.

I THINK THATS IT FOR NOW... IDK GIVE ME YOUR THOUGHTS I KNOW EVERYTHING IS SO FRESH IN UR MIND BUT IF U HAVE ANY IDEAS I WOULD LOOOOOVE TO HEAR THEM

[blookmallow]

recently been looking into poppy playtime (it’s…. ok) and its like. theres some good concepts in here and the designs are pretty good but i feel like the lore falls apart immediately if you look too closely at it and maybe im missing something since i havent actually played it (i watched markiplier play it and then dug through the internet for the rest of the information until i lost interest) but ok

i like the biological elements to the monsters - love something bleeding when it Should Not Have Blood. i really dont think you can fit that many organs in a little dinosaur toy though. the big ones sure but that one guy who got put in a toy size dinosaur? and why did they just leave him in with the other experiments if he was a staff person who Agreed to this

anyway my main question is What Is The Motive Here

- if they’re seeking immortality, that just. feels like a really bizarre plot for a toy company? unless the idea is that the toy company was a front for the real operation all along but if you’re really trying to make bodies for humans to inhabit why not focus on, y’know, humanoid things, rather than whatever the hell huggy wuggy is. nobody wants to be that guy forever. and the monster toys still can die anyway, so

- it seems more likely that the purpose was to build worker/slaves, productivity and marketing over ethics and employee well being (kind of an ironic message coming from a developer who puts so much emphasis on marketing and also, the whole NFT thing, but whatever) we know huggy is intended to be security and mommy is intended to be the host for the games, but if that’s the reason - is it really that beneficial to squish people into monster toys? they already have a foster care system providing them with children they’re using as test subjects. this company clearly doesn’t give a shit about ethics, so why not just take advantage of the child labor they have access to rather than spending ungodly amounts of time and money on all these testing procedures and mutilating children into toy slaves. extremely traumatized workers forced into fucked up toy bodies are not going to be as efficient. they can still be killed and still need to eat (evidently More than a child would normally anyway, ) so what exactly is the benefit here. and like. ok mommy has some clear advantages but huggy’s really floppy. we see kissy flop her noodly arm helplessly trying to pull one lever - as cute and funny as that moment was, its clear this creature would not be a great factory worker

- if the point is that they intend to sell the toy monsters, theres just no benefit there whatsoever, even if the ethics of shoving frightened orphans into toys doesn’t bother you, even if you do fix the extreme aggression problem, you’re still gonna get lawsuits from parents when their kids’ toys start wandering off and crying in the corner. also toys get broken, kids tear things open, modders take things apart, people are going to figure out real fast that there’s, y’know, organs in there

which brings me to my major question of WHY is there a commercial for poppy? it seems like the poppy we find in the case is The Only poppy, she’s the only experiment that worked properly, she’s the ideal “toy that can talk to you like a person! (because she is one)” but they’ve never been able to replicate that success - how were they able to sell these dolls with the promise of the Real Girl Intelligence if they only had one (which clearly wasn’t sold since she’s still there)? or did they film the commercial after their success intending to make more dolls and never released it when things went wrong? poppy’s on a lot of the advertisements and stuff so she seems to be a recognized character in the brand. did they at one time manage to recreate her and just sold a bunch of little orphan girls trapped in dolls? is that what I’m supposed to be taking from this?

[salt-volk]

post707883411295043585 thats part of the problem tho is yall assume that just bc stuff doesnt come out on time means theyre not working on it. as if they just sit twiddling thumbs. shit isnt slow bc they need more motivation. its slow bc they have a bare bones staff of maybe 1-2 ppl & all else is contracted work they barely have the cash for.

"right now basically nothing ever gets done" & you think adding a few dates to a list would fix that? you think they dont know theyre falling behind? that its not obvious? as if they dont already have internal set dates they aim for that just havent been shared w the userbase? 

they dont need more motivation or accountability. they need more staff & more funds. all the accountability in the world cant add extra hours in the day. you can be working as hard as you possibly can & still not meet deadline bc its just not humaenly possible w the resources you have. look at the underlying problem instead of just surface optics.

they could put dates just to placate yall. but it would be an empty gesture. theyd still be just as behind as always bc the dates are not tackling the base issue. itd be the same old shit but more to get mad abt as they still fail to meet dates you asked them to set.

some of yallve never worked on large amateur creative ventures & it shows lmao. youd be amazed how fast a few months can go by & youre only doing background shit so theres still no visible progress you can share publicly. you worked every single day but still feel theres nothing tangible enough to show for it. a few months can go by fast esp when you dont have just one job & are juggling 10 different tasks w simultaneous importance bc its just you or mayb 1 other person taking on 6 ppl worth of work. 

 just remember were all looking from the outside. theres always backend stuff goign on we never know abt. (i know. ironically im making assumption too. but its based on so much experience w these sorts of teams. dv has all the signs. plus context clues given on stream & rare times staff communicates. textbook understaffed scope creepy amateur project tbh.) 

if this were neopets or some shit own by a large company w hundreds of employees maybe itd be different. but some of yall are always gonna be miserable if you dont manage your expectations. see it for what it is instead of what you want it to be. & sometimes look at whats been accomplished. they DO get stuff done. theyre not dropping 80 updates a month, but to me it looks like they make slow steady progress. miss goals but do follow up eventually. they are literally completing tasks. & show signs of taking feedback into account. just not at the speed ppl want. 

criticism makes for a better convo topic bc negative emotional response sticks in the brain longer. but were always gonna have bias if we dont appreciate good shit too. sometimes theres an attitude like "okay cool i like this, now wheres the NEXT thing" or "great finally an improvement, now why isnt THIS other thing fixed?". moving on to the next thing so quick you dont notice the effort of whats in front of you.

but once you match dvs pace & get what postion theyre coming from its not terrible. i have plenty of criticisms from a project management perspective. but in terms of other aspects ive a more lenient view considering what theyre likely working w (esp not having a dev or anyone who codes as part of core staff. im surprised theyve been able to keep afloat this long even lmao)

you dont hold an amateur experimental musician to the same standards as an international pop star w a whole team behind them, yea? but the amateur is not inherently worse, or less worthy of support. you can still enjoy both, just recognizing theyre different things. i see the vision of the amateur & choose to support patiently knowing its got a different pace than the pop idol. theyre at different spots in their career timeline & will have their own unique issues based on that. but both can be plenty good. context matters.

  TLDR; there is much staff can do better at ofc (namely communication & interpretation of user feedback (like not knowing in the first place that "roadmap" usually implies dates -_-). but imo dates are not gonna fix shit bc lack of "motivation" is def not the core issue. such focus on the dates is thus unhelpful. i think some of yall dont get where dv is actually at & then put up expectations that are built to fail bc of that. not saying to let everything slide. but yk. appreciate the good where it happens. have patience. be aware what the underlying problems actually are & contextualize. tempering realistic expectations will make you much happier & able to enjoy the game for what it is.

or idk. i personaly used to be one of the main harsher critics so much i almost quit dv entirely & this perspective helped ME at least lmfao. now i play regularly much less stressed/angry abt it. ymmv.

[gmos]

i am so like. metaphysically exhausted i feel like im going thru so much rn i just need to vent with timestamps

like i have zero money so my card declined on my medical bill today and i have to make a bunch of phone calls to places that are only open on weekdays. and i have to prepare for a market but my heart is just not in it. plus ive been waiting to hear back about some other freelance stuff but it hasnt happened yet. so i just keep working on little bits and praying that it will work out. esp bc i have a tattoo appointment i made for my birthday to keep from totally spiraling but i obviously dont have the money for it right now.

and i have to go talk to bf's parents on monday and convince them that im telling the truth about anything w regards to moving. when they dont respect me and think im just some fairy trying to steal their daughter. and the thing is i am but its obviously for the best. and my parents are excited that im moving back but they cant really help me until july and mostly once we're already over there. and bc of how little money we have were gonna have to get rid of most of our stuff and either fly or drive a car across the country.

and all of this while i am getting sicker and sicker and ive just been getting sicker for years and usually it gets better in the summer but this year it isnt so im really worried about that. all i want is to sit outside in a pretty dress with a fun beverage and draw and write but the reality of my situation keeps creeping in. and its crazy bc the thing is pretty much everything aside from the medical bill is already sorted out and being dealt with and i just have to wait it out. i just cant get over how stressed out i feel and thats whats holding me back from fixing things, leading to them getting worse. they increased my ocd medication but the pharmacy hasnt called me yet even after two days when usually they have it same day.

what is going on. im exhausted. i havent slept properly in like two years. i survive off chocolate chips and microwavables and vitamin supplements. i spend most days alone in my apartment sitting by the window on the computer. this is not living. this is not living. i am supposed to be outside talking to strangers. i am supposed to be making the mistakes of a young adult. i turn 20 in 10 days. i have not been able to stay sober longer than 3 days in a row. i have near-constant short term memory loss. my vision is fading. i cant stand. once a week i go to the park and run until my ribs hurt, which is only about 3 minutes. i wear dresses over my hairy legs and combat boots. i get boba tea and coffee and ice cream when i have 10 dollars in my bank account. why isn't it worth it to live a beautiful life? why is responsibility the beginning and end of my life? when do i get to fuck up without being incessantly punished for the rest of my life?

when i was 17 i came to the startling realization that when something bad happens to me, that is the punishment. before that, and even still, i believed that i had to endure the bad thing and then be punished for the fact that the bad thing even happened. then one day i spilled olive oil all over the kitchen counter and my father helped me clean it up and asked if i was ok. to this day it sticks out as a dream, as if something so kind could ever happen to me. and yet i feel like if i had not been treated with so much hostility, i never would have been radicalized the way i am today. i cant prove either way, but i know that the hostility i am constantly faced with is unwarranted. yet it continues, so what am i doing wrong? the answer is obviously everything.

writing this has calmed me down. i am one of the few who benefits from journaling, even performative journaling, which is what this website is based on. one day when i die just a little bit before my time, my now-bf future-husband will compile my unpublished writing and art and notebooks and tumblr posts into a chronicle of my life, and then i will finally be beautiful.

[wildcatofgreen]

((here we go! lets try to wrap it up here kid, you asked a loaded question first time. i dont think i was ready to explore my in-universe consequences on canon like that.))

What the fuck is going onnnnn.

"Uhm. Okay. Uhm.

"You know everything, right? Do ya know what'll happen durin' that rematch on Tuesday?"

((I... Don't Know.))

"Oh what the fuck--"

((im serious!!! dont hurt me i kind of cant get hurt easily.

((you're dealing with a lot, right? youve still got a lot of stress on your back from various events and now certain friends have become a bit of a sore subject for you, right?))

". . ."

((without certain things happening to further push you along a certain path there's. not much i can say about it without it happening already. you dont have all the information. you dont have a real gameplan going in to the fight. you still dont know what he's doing, really. you havent learned anything yet.

((yooooou still have time to, don't get me wrong!!!

((but if youre not pushed in the right direction...))

". . .

"Then how the fuck do I get pushed in that direction???"

((i dont know, girl. that's what it all comes down to, right? you getting pushed in that direction in the first place.

((but im not exactly sure what you need, either. this shit aint binary--there's no switch to turn on or off that lets you develop the necessary skills and knowledge that lets you do what you want to do.

((i dont want the worst case scenario to happen just as much as you dont. you need a break. youre barely surviving as is right now--and i know this because im the girl that's writing you. you're not okay in any sense of the word and wow id hate to spell this out not only for you but for everyone reading this right now but hell if it wasnt obvious before then its hella fucking obvious now.))

". . .

"Fuck."

She sits on the floor, bringing her knees close to her chest.

"This... This ain't how I expected this 'ta go."

((you and me both.

((over halfway, carol. c'mon, ask me an easy one and then we can say our goodbyes.))

"Uhm... "What comes of this whole... Sony an' Lyli thingie?"

((i said something EASY, you TWERP))

". . . !!!!!!"

((listen, okay, i do not have a good answer for you there at all. to uh, put it simply and not confuse you further--lilac's her own person. and so is sonar. i cant just tell you what's going to happen there--not that i'd want to--because like ((...i dont have ''free range'' over them, so to speak. ((you're set in stone. and by the looks of it theyre also set in stone. as long as lilac keeps suffering in her little silence and sonar's there as a support for both you and her--probably--then i cant imagine anything changing from the set path y'all have.))

"...Lyli's what."

((shit. me and my big mouth.

((WHATEVER NONE OF THIS IS CANON ANYWAY SO YOU'RE NOT GONNA REMEMBER ANY OF IT AND IT'LL BE FINE HA HA.))

". . ."

((just... have faith, right? it's what you've been doing thus far. why stop now?

((everyone'll be fine.

((okay, we dont have much time left to talk. ((remember sonar's song. remember how much lyli loves you. remember all the friends and family you have by your side.

((a little birdie told me something once.

((''That unlike some, Carol didn't have to face it all at once, that the people around were, fortunately understanding enough to grant her this small solace...''

((it's a lot right now. i know it is. and not everything looks great, coming out on the other side.

((but you can do it. you can make it!!!! i know you can, girl.

((and after all of this, you'll be able to relax for a bit.

((keep going. have faith. dont give up. that's the best i can say about any of this.))

She did not have any confidence in this entity's words, funnily enough.

Everything she said felt like it was making things worse.

"Y-Yeah. Okay. "Thanks."

((...

((right. well! i gotta get to fixing this stupid wall.

((good luck out there carol. im rooting for ya))

And all she would do is nod.

[spicy-tomato]

Can i pls req dream being reader's sugar daddy :O - 🌼

sorry this took a hot sec ive been working on this one for a while cause i really liked the idea, so here you go :)) it ended up being like 2k words so im sorry

You had it all, anything you could want and more. Wanted to go to rome? Done, your plane leaves tomorrow. Dream absolutely spoiled you and you couldnt be more happy about it. It started off as a thing to help you with rent, but the longer you did it the more you enjoyed being able to get what you wanted when you wanted. Today was your weekly lunch with dream, you had both agreed that at least once a week he would take time off to get lunch with you, it made you smile to see him take time for you. As the tease you were, you decided to wear something a little revealing to tease him since he had cancelled your shopping trip with him the day before. You put on a low cut crop top and some shorts that show a little too much before fixing your hair. You hear you phone ding, getting a text from dream,

Daddy dream <3

Hey baby, i'm out front whenever youre ready to go

You smile and put your phone in your pocket before walking out to his car and getting in. you kiss his cheek quickly “hi daddy” you giggle and smile at him

“Hi sweetheart” he looks you up and down before smirking “like the outfit, all for me?” you giggle and nod before he starts to drive to the restaurant, one hand on your thigh. “Do you know what you want? You know the rule, anything you want no matter the price. And after that we can go shopping to make up for my cancelling yesterday.” you smile at him

“I know, and we dont have to dream, we can just hang out. Its been a while since we did that. Maybe we can go somewhere for you to make it up to me instead” he smiles and squeezes your thigh as he pulls into the parking lot of the restaurant.

“Anywhere you want baby, only the best for you.” you look down and blush, moving over to lean your head on his shoulder as he moves a hand to pet your hair. “Ill take you anywhere anytime and get you anything you want.” you cant lie, at times you had thought about being more than just his sugar baby, having a real romantic relationship, but he was always so busy that it made it seem almost impossible. Sure he took time out to be with you but it was never a lot unless you were traveling. He didnt tell you a lot about his job either, just knew that he had a large following and that he didnt want anything serious and put his partner in a bad situation, but damn if you havent thought about him coming home to you and calling you his.

“Baby? You okay? You zoned out.” he waves a hand in front of your face and you blink back to reality.

“Yeah, sorry i just got a little distracted. Lets go get some food!” you pull away from him and he gets out, walking around to open your door for you and holds a hand out to help you. “Thank you” you smile and take his hand as you step out, he closes the door behind you and puts an arm around your waist, pulling you into his side as you both walk up to get a table. You get seated immediately and he pulls your chair out for you. “Is there a single flaw with you?” you ask genuinely, he just laughs and shakes his head.

“Theres a bunch you dont know about me, sweetheart.” you roll your eyes as the waitress comes back with your mimosa and his water, asking for your orders. He orders for you and him before she walks off to put them in. He always knows what you want and orders it for you. It makes you smile that he likes to take care of you. You shake that thought away and go back to mindlessly talking with him, waiting on the food. It comes shortly and you both start to eat. “Where do you want to go? Japan? Italy? Oh we havent been to paris in a while, maybe there.”

“I think paris would be great, its always so pretty this time of year, maybe we can have dinner on the eiffel tower again!” your eyes light up at the thought of going back to paris. Last time you went was last spring, you both walked around and had the most wonderful time people watching and shopping. You take another bite and he looks like hes about to say something before he stops himself and looks down. “What is it? Is something wrong?” you look at him concerned, scared you messed something up.

“Its nothing darling, dont worry.” you both finish up lunch and he pays before helping you up and leading you back to the car. “I have something id like to ask you when we get to paris if thats okay, its nothing bad i promise its just something ive been meaning to ask for a while is all.” you nod as he opens the door for you and helps you in. “now, a pretty girl like you needs pretty new clothes for the trip, lets go get you some.” he smiles at you as he gets in, resting a hand back on your thigh as he starts the car, leading you both to the mall.

You spend hours in there going to different stores and trying things on, him getting you whatever you wanted without any hesitation. You walk back to the car with armfulls of bags and a couple new suitcases. “Thank you so much daddy, youre the best.” you kiss his cheek and he turns a little red.

“Its no problem baby, why dont you stay over tonight and we can leave in the morning to head to the airport. I can help you pack and we can watch a movie.” you smiles and nod, putting your bags in the back of the car and your new suitcases in the trunk.

“Id like that…” you think for a second about how nice it would be to wake up next to him every day and how nice it is to fall asleep next to him when it happens, even if when you did wake up after he wasnt next to you. The cold bed always made you remember that you would never be more than this, not that this was bad in the least its just sometimes you wish you could be more. He drives you both back to his apartment building and helps you out, grabbing most of your bags, only leaving you to grab the suitcases as you enter the building. He lived on the top floor in the penthouse, expected for how much money he had. You set your stuff down in his room, your new clothes already laid out nicely thanks to him. He walks up behind you and hugs you from behind.

“Youll look so good in all of those baby, gonna be the prettiest one in paris.” he kisses your neck softly before pulling away and taking your hand, leading you to sit on the part of the bed not covered by clothes. “Let me go run you a bath and you can pick out a movie.” you nod and he walks to the bathroom, leaving you alone on the bed. You turn on the tv and start scrolling through netflix looking for a movie, finally deciding as he walks back in and picks you up. You giggle and wrap your arms around his neck, moving your head to rest on his chest as he carries you to the bathroom. He sets you on the counter and takes your shirt off carefully, leaving kisses down your neck and chest and he moves down to take your shorts off. You lift yourself gently to help him take your shorts off. He takes them off quickly before nipping and kissing your inner thighs, ghosting over your core. You whine and try to move closer to him before he presses your hips down into the counter.

“Stay still baby, dont wanna have to punish you. Daddy just wants his desert.” you nod quickly and stay still, his head diving to softly kiss your clit, causing you to whine. He chuckles and starts to slowly eat you out, almost at a teasing pace. You whine and grip the counter, trying to keep from pulling his hair. He pulls away and smiles, “good girl, being so good and not pulling my hair. Just letting daddy eat you up.” after he says that his hands move down to your thighs open as he starts to eat you out like a man starved. You let out a loud moan and throw your head back, your hands moving to his hair and tugging closer. At this point he didnt care about you pulling his hair, to blissed out by hearing your sweet moans and tasting you. Your cries became louder as he dragged you closer to the edge. as you were almost there he stopped, causing a loud whine from you as he moves up to face you. He looked like heaven like this, face covered in your slick with eyes dark from lust.

“Now my good little girl, i want you to get off the counter and bend over for daddy.” you quickly move off the counter and do as your told. “Such a perfect little girl, i want you to watch as i make you feel good, got it? You look away and i stop,” he chuckles and grabs your neck after you nod. His hand moves from your neck to your hair to hold you in place, making eye contact with him through the mirror.

“Such a precious little pet for me, arent you?” you whine as he lines up with your entrance, teasing you, causing you to press your hips back against him. He smacks your ass roughly and pulls you against his chest by your hair. “Thats not very nice bun, its almost like you want me to leave you all worked up.’’ he smirks at you before pulling you roughly back against him, ripping a scream from your throat. He sets a brutal pace, leaving no time for you to adjust to him. He keeps the pace, your legs starting to shake as he brings you back to the edge of your orgasm before quickly throwing you over it. You let out a cry of his name, trails of tears starting to run from your eyes as he keeps going.

“Pretty little bunny, always so good and tight for me. Gonna breed you so good. Fuck you until i know it takes.” he tugs your hair roughly and starts to bite and suck at your neck, leaving marks in his wake. You whine and cry, moving your hands to tug at his hair. “So close princess, gonna fill you up so good.” he moves a hand to your clit to punctuate his statement, causing a louder cry to come from you as you tip over the edge once again. His hips start to stutter as he fills you up, riding out his high with shallow thrusts letting out a few more quiet moans before pulling out of you carefully. You whine and tug at his hair as he does so. He picks you up carefully as he pulls away.

“i figured we could take a bath and then cuddle before we pack and figure out what time we should leave for the airport.” you nod and he carries you carefully over to the tub, setting you down carefully in it before getting and sitting behind you. He starts to wash your hair as you slowly drift off to sleep. You wake up briefly as he lifts you from the tub and carries you to the bed. He moves the blankets back and sets you down gently before crawling in next to you , pulling the blankets back over you.

“Be my partner,” he says as you turn towards him

“Only if we can still go to paris” you giggle and he nods, kissing the top of your head before you both drift off.

[wheredarknessarises]

long post ahead (just a sea of thoughts)...

a couple days ago i had a fight with my partner and i said a lot of mean things i didn’t mean to. i was full of rage but as the day was ending i went to see him. he hugged me and i melted. i apologized for hurting him.

“we hurt each other unintentionally” is what he said and it struck to me. he was right we both hurt each other without knowing and end up fighting. i’m glad i made up with him that day too.

unfortunately, my day ended up being fine but his. didn’t. he had another issue that i can’t be a help of.

it has been two?three days? maybe more, i lost count, since we conversed properly. it hurts, a lot. but what can i do? i’m just a twenty three year old girl living with her parents with absolutely no freedom and is reviewing for her board exam. there wasn’t really anything i could do for him. i cant go to him, do you expect me to go to him in the middle of the night to console him? as much as my heart desire to, I CAN’T. 

good thing he had friends that can listen to him and be with him. it is a good thing right? but why do i feel so envious? why do i feel so left out? i wanted to be the one consoling him, the one he shares his problems, his laughter, to be by his side until everything is okay. fck. just fck my life.

i’ve been feeling so tired physically, mentally, and emotionally. what a great combination isn’t it. tired from my effing errands yesterday and i think my bloody ass strong pain reliever still has its effects on me until now (it made me vomit last night too, my hotshots all wasted). i slacked off from reviewing today, i just slept the whole fcking day. my partner’s been updating me which i appreciate but all i could say was “okay love, i love you more” and thats it very unusual of me. 

then i realized what i was feeling, what i actually am. i am a jealous selfish bitch who wants her partner all by herself and want to be included all the time and fix others problem so she will feel better too. thats who i am. am i proud of it? no, of course not, thats why i am writing this sht as post for me to realize what i really am (writing is my coping mechanism im sorry guys)

i cant accept the fact that my partner after so many yrs has friends to rely on that arent my friends as well. that he’s able to laugh again because of them and on those days that we havent been talking he was with them. i havent seen him for months, i havent been able to vidcall with him, talk to him, spend time with him virtually while they were. i fcking envy them, i am the girlfriend but i am absent on his difficult time i dont even know what the problem is and i respect him if he cant tell me right now because we have our own fcking problems we want to deal with by ourselves. but since i am a selfish bitch i always wanna know i wanna know i want to be there i want to be the shoulder he cries on i want to be the one he’s with drinking his night away. but im not, and its never gonna be me unless i leave this fcking house. right now, its just not me. and i have to accept that but it doesnt me i cant be hurt because i accepted it right?

oh and i just remembered, i wrote him a fcking letter last night, it was national boyfriends day yesterday right? i dont know if he even noticed or if he appreciated it. i know its not the right time to think about it like the person’s having personal problems and im gonna put that fcking letter and fcking sumone first? i’m not dumb but again it doesnt mean i cannot get hurt.

but i am not mad, i wont be mad, i dont want to add more problems so ill fix this myself i am not relying this problem to him this is my issue that i have to solve on my own. and to conclude i admit i am selfish and jealous and toxic. so i am gonna fix it. if you read all of these then fck you just wasted your goddamn time but thank you for reading my thoughts. gotta go to my review now. ciao.

[joestarwhore]

HELLO your anon is off but I'm going to have the balls to request this publicly -- yandere!Mista imagine pls? Preferably NSFW and with kidnapping and gunplay please 👉👈 but priority for any headcanons you genuinely hold. Thank you!

MY ANON IS OFF WHAT THE FUCK

ty queen i will fix that right now!!! & YES YOU KINKY MF I LOVE YOU

🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫

Sweat was pouring down your face.

How many times would he wanna play this game? How many times is he gonna try to find you? How many times would you have to move to a town he had no idea about? And why does it never work?

Well, it was honestly a simple answer. Guido Mista plays til he wins.

Iron Maiden’s scythe cut through the bushes that led you to the back of your house, & you could hear the Sex Pistols not far from you, yelling out to Mista which ways to turn to get to you, those annoying little shits. “She’s gone through the bushes, Boss!!” Heavy footsteps quickened behind you, making you lunge with Iron Maiden for the door. Mista’s hands grabbed your ankle and your frame crashed to the manicured lawn.

“Y’know, every time you’ve managed to escape my grasp, I promised myself that I’d fuck you senseless for all of those missed opportunities,” Mista gripped your cheeks with his calloused hand, his nose centimeters away from yours and the barrel of his gun he chose to press snugly against your temple. “You KNOW you’re my soulmate, Y/N, I’m real fuckin’ tired of you running from me every time I try to love you!!”

You gave him a glare. “Why the FUCK would i want you to prove your love for me like this?! I’ve moved to 5 different towns to run from you and you still find me,” you cry out to him with panic in your voice that you just weren’t able to hide, “I DONT WANT TO BE HURT ANYMORE MIST-“

Mista backslapped you across the face, your cry of pain resonating around your little yard. “You need to shut your goddamn mouth you stupid bitch.” Mista took a bowie knife out of his boot and easily cut your clothes off, panic resting in your chest as it grows into a reaching panic attack, “in fact you need to be taught a fucking lesson, baby girl.” Venom seeped from his voice.

Mista held a knee on your chest as he worked your jeans off, and easily cutting away your black thong. “Mm, God i’ve been excited for this baby, havent you? Playing chase with me for so long, dreaming of the day i’d finally get your sweet ass in my hands, making you my perfect little baby?” Your cheeks heated at his words. You gasped as your deans were ripped off of your legs, trying everything to push Mista off of you, but every movement you made resulted in an iron grip that was sure to leave bruises on the morning. Mista’s face stayed concentrated on yours, watching your expressions as he prepped you to be utterly & wholly violated by your one true soulmate.

“No, no we shouldn’t do this out here..” he muttered to himself, was he going to stop?? “No, we’re gonna go inside and do this.” Fear gripped your heart, there’s NO way of anyone hearing you from inside, & what the fuck are you supposed to do then?

Mista picked you up and went through your basement door, quickly finding your bedroom near the back. He threw your frame onto the bed, instantly making sure his was ontop of you. His giggles of obsession filled your ears.

“It’s just you & me now baby.. oh this is gonna be so good just you wait darling,” his nimble fingers squeezed your breasts as his hot breath danced on your neck, “you’ll be begging me to take you away after this.”

Whiskey and cologne filled your nostrils as he quickly tore his sweater off. His olive toned abs scarred and hard as his body swayed back and forth, his hungry eyes raking over your pelvic region.

With a growl, his pants came off and your hips were ripped open. Your labored breathing and begs for him to stop and to please don’t fell on empty ears as he sprung out his cock. He was going to break you without mercy.

Mista lined his tip against your entrance, his body radiating pure heat and energy. “This WILL hurt darling, but just know every ounce of pain is worth as much as my love for you!” Sick twisted bastard.

You felt his rock hard dick bottom out inside you, your body unwillingly arching up and holding onto Mista’s shoulders. Mista’s eyes widened as you did this, & his face swelled with adoration for you. “Oh amore, you are just so perfect and beautiful,” he started to rail you harder and harder just to hear your screaming moans as he assaulted your g-spot, “but i want you to have all of me-ugh FUCK- don’t you want all of me amore?!”

Pleasure had you nearly drunk, “God yes Mista please, give me all of you-“ Your pleas were cut off by a cold metal tip being slammed into your cunt, Mista slammed a hand over your mouth and kept his forehead rested on yours. His giant gun being shoved into your pussy made you grind against the impact.

“Oh good girl yeah, keep riding it like that baby,” Mista praised you as you moaned for him. His hand uncovered your mouth as he gripped your face to be aligned with his. “Whos are you? Who is your soulmate?!” He started to fuck you even harder, enjoying the look of intensity on your face.

“Y-Yours Mista!! F-fuck ive always been yours!!”

Mista threw the gun to the ground and shoved himself back inside of you, your back arching as he continued his assault of you. “You better cum all over my dick because you b-FUCK you’re a good slut- i’m cumming inside you, do you understand?”

Your response was an orgasm like none you’ve ever experienced. Mista’s hot sperm lined your walls & his chest heaved into yours. He collapsed onto the bed beside you & immediately started holding you, not giving you any chance to come down off your high.

“You’re mine.” He whispered to you as your senses slowly came back to you. “And you’ll stay that way.”

Guido Mista. Your gun toting downfall.

[jaekaicx]

yk for a while now ppl have been speculating where the frog kids are gonna end up and how the show’s gonna end, and ive seen a bunch of ppl theorize that marcys gonna end up moving away. and sure, maybe it would do them some good, but i really hope that doesnt happen

im not trying to theorize or predict the end, but i really hope that marcy gets to stay in amphibia. i havent rly seen that many ppl advocating for amphibia, so i figured why not.

now obivously amphibia is super dangerous and its done a lot of harm to the kids. marcy died there. its clearly not perfect, but you cant ignore how much good it did for marcy to go there (specifically marcy here).

earth was cool for marcy, i guess. he has his best friends, his media, and he excelled at school. but idk if marcy was truly happy on earth. we dont know much abt his homelife, but based on what we have seen of it, and marcys own actions, we can tell that it wasnt great. at best his parents are greatly misunderstood, and at worst… well yk.

and even if marcy had his best friends, he was bending over backwards to be with them. he would do all of the work in their group projects, and thats the only canonically confirmed thing we know. on top of that, they were already devoting a good chunk of their life towards academics. we saw marcy, a middle schooler, studying for the psats. and while that mightve been a mistake, theres still the fact that marcy was stuck studying in a library instead of celebrating their best friend’s birthday. theres a bunch more i could touch on, but the point is while marcy mightve been content on earth, they definitely werent happy.

and then they found the box. and the trio was sent to amphibia. obviously marcy shouldntve hid what they did from anne and sash, but we know this already. and despite how bad it was for anne and sasha in amphibia, i cant help but feel glad that marcy had a great time in amphibia. unfortunately we dont see much, but from their theme song takeover marcy clearly had a blast in their time there. its like they said, they came into their own as a person. marcy was given the chance to thrive in a place that catered to their strengths. and they did. they became a hero to the city with confidence they never wouldve gotten on earth.

of course it wasnt perfect either. andrias was a manipulative son of a bitch who used marcy and disposed if him the minute he was no longer of use to andrias. and while newtopia mightve adored marcy, he never made the kind of connection that anne made with wartwood. another post made a great point abt this already (i’ll link it if i find it) but a lot of the love marcy got in newtopia was conditional, and it played right into his deepest insecurities. he never got the support system that anne got, one that would care about him no matter what. at least, not yet.

thing is though, this can be fixed. we saw in the s3 trailer that olivia and yunnan go back for marcy, and they’ll likely become the support system that marcy needed: two newt moms that would care abt them no matter what. and with andrias set up as one of the big bads of the series, its almost guaranteed that he’s gonna be dealt with by the end in some way shape or form (at least i hope so oh god). meaning: no more andrias to manipulate the shit out of marcy.

of course its a lot more complicated than that. amphibia is still a super dangerous place to be, and its likely that a lot of pressure would be put on marcy if he stayed. but we know that marcy is capable of fending for himself in amphibia. he survived for five months there (not counting the time he got stabbed), and hes pulled off plenty of missions and dangerous quests. and even if he has a lot to work through, by thst point he’ll have a support system who’ll help him out.

it may be a lot to hope for, but i truly hope marcy is able to stay in amphibia. it’s done a lot of good for them, and i cant help but be optimistic about marcy making a place for himself there. in my best case scenario, there would be a way for people to travel between earth and amphibia, be it through the music box or the calamity powers, so marcy would still be able to visit earth from time to time. but, i think it would be good for marcy to step back from earth for a while.

[shoezuki]

Tommy's prison/revival arc isnt well written actually

Anyways ive been wanting to talk on it a while for a bit here but havent had the Time or like. The thought to. But im gonna go off now.

First off im gonna say im ASSUMING this stream and plot of tommy being in the prison with dream is written entirely by tommy and dream. Wilbur May be involved in the latest stream but im not sure.

Bringing tommy back to life after only three days of him being dead did practically nothing to progress plot, the characters, or audience's understanding. In fact i feel that it damaged Other characters' potential and plot and already established plotlines.

The 'development' aspect

A really, really easy way to see if anything has changed or developed through an arc or plotline is to straightup just compare the 'beginning' to the 'end' in terms of the barebones situation. So;

Beginning: tommy is trapped in an isolated prison cell with dream, his own abuser who has hurt him in the past, for an unknown amount of time. He's terrified of dream and being stuck there with him.

End: tommy is trapped in an isolated prison cell with dream after being killed then revived by him, his own abuser whos hurt him in the past, for an unknown amount of time. Hes terrified of dream and being stuck there with him.

Okay. This is simplified obvious. But the point stands. ALTHOUGH the troupe of 'going back to the beginning' is common in the heroes journey its. It doesnt work here. Has tommy learned anything? Has he changed as a character? Is the severity of their situation any different? Have we, as the audience, learned anything new?

Im going to expand on that last point because i think it has the strongest potential argument. Technically for progression in literature and development of plot/characters, things can Change without them being Aware as characters. It can change just by the audience's perception changing or being challenge.

Slight example: i've been reading a webcomic called Your Throne. Its a fantasy/political drama about a noble lady who entered a competition with another noble lady to become the empress. The main lady lost despite her being a better fit, and the comic starts with the main lady trying to assassinate the empress. Its assumed and stated by the main lady that she 'ruined her life' and so thats all the readers know. However, later in the novel we see flashbacks to the competition itself and find that the two ladies were extremely close friends, neither wanting anything bad for the other, but it was the emperor himself who manipulated both of them for his own agenda. Those flashbacks gave us an entirely different idea of who the real antagonist is and completely changed the two main ladies' relationship. THAT is how the audience's understanding of the plot and novel can be used to change the entire story. We dont get such here though

Some things that were brought to light during tommy being dead/revived:

Dream is capable of reviving people infinitely

This was already implicated and assumed. The book dream has being a means of reviving people has been around Technically since schlatt's death. This just 'confirmed' what was known

Time works differently/feels longer in the afterlife

This doesnt really impact much beyond emotions and implications. If we had more insight into what the 'afterlife' is like beyond nothingness perhaps so. But really it just makes it so wilbur being dead for what feels like 9 years and tommy having been dead for 2 months appeal to emotions.

Wilbur is evil

This one fuckin sucks i cant lie HSKSHSISSGEGDV. Like i was gon go on bout it and i will but it jus sucks. We have nothing to go on besides tommy's word, no examlles of what Horrible things wilbur said could make tommy assume this, etcetc. Ill most likely make a seperate post on how this feels like we're just going to get 'wilbur is a horrible villain' type with him. But still. I feel wilbur Not Being Good isnt a new development.

Dream is going to revive wilbur

This doesnt feel new either, part because phil had wanted to revive wilbur before (ill get to that more later) and that tommy had kept dream alive/initially imprisoned him with the idea of him reviving wilbur.

Dream believes wilbur will break him out of prison

Okau this makes no sense to me actually. I cwnt understand How exactly wilbur would be able to do this? Or why dream believes he even Could? Mans been dead for like 9 years and all we Know of the afterlife is that its black... nothingness. How would 9 years of that make wilbur capable of busting the prison open?

So. Yeah. All in all this plotline hasnt done anything new, developed things, or altered people's perceptions. We just ended up back at square one. Back to tommy being traumatized, dream being 'evil' and horrible and doing villain monologues, and them being stuck together.

Other characters and plotlines

Im pretty damn sure tommy's revival fucked up a LOT of other characters' plotlines and potential development. Honestly i feel this has a lot to do with the writers not communicating with other ccs well enough. But Ill talk about specific characters from least to most fucked over in my opinion:

Sam

He's the best off. He hqd been there during tommy's death, had been close to tommy, had majorly blamed himself and his own mistakes for tommy's death. His grief and self hatred was actually really heartbreaking and well done. The attached character of Sam Nook being unaware of tommy's death and simply waiting for tommy to return was a really good parallel to sam's own grief and anger. like it really snapped sam the guy who cares for tommy and wants to do Right by him back together with him as the Warden of the prison. Mixed personal life with 'just business'.

I feel it wouldve been nice to have him like. Have more time to grieve properly and come to terms eith tommy's death and his own involvement/influence over the events. Him finding tommy alive again Could be a means of him like. Facing his own grief head on if done well.

Ranboo

Mostly in the context of him and sam's argument do i feel it got screwed over. The weight of them yelling at each other and trying to find who to blame and the implications that Maybe ranboo was the one who caused the security breach that closed down the prison on tommy just.... doesnt hit so hard anymore. Because how can there be blame and arguments and a 'who done it' mystery when tommy popped up all fine again?

Puffy

I dony know much of her involvement or how she found out tommy died (besides metagaming shhhhh) but i saw her monologuing of how they 'failed' tommy and like. Her whole 'he was so young we the Adults failed him' spiel is like........... inconsequential? Now??? Like no dont worry he died but hes alright now.

Philza

BET YOU DIDNY EXPECT TO SEE THIS FUCKER!!!!!! But actually though i want to talk bout how this ties into phil. A LOT. for Zalbr ❤. But also because i see ppl tying phil to tommy's death n like nah shutup u doin it wrong. Ill go off more in a Wilbur Post. But essentially: i dont like that dream is now going to revive wilbur. I feel they arent going to tie philza into this Despite phil having originally been trying to revive his son and studying on it and Attempting and Failing. But now suddenly dream can just. Say some magic words and Poof wilbur lives? So we're just going to Kill philza's revival attempts plotline and leave that hanging? This made his efforts seem pointless and Wack like oh why didnt you just Say The Magic Words phil????

Niki

I feel really bad for niki. She hasnt been able to do a lore stream during tommy's 'death' (she tweeted she wanted to but her computer wasnt working) and considering her entire character.... that shit is important. We seen it with Jack Manifold how tommy's death impacted Him considering he literally wanted tommy dead. And since niki is in a similar boat to jack of trying to kill tommy and it being her Only goal...... thats extremely important.

BUT. i feel there wasnt any communication. Did she or anyone even know tommy would be revived? Did no one consider they could At Least let her do a single stream on it? Like jack manifold????

We couldve gotten a Really good niki lore stream. I genuinely was so excited for it and i dont regularly watch her. But we seen it with jack manifold which is why i dont feel he got screwed because mans genuinely did So Good he could pop off with anything n i think it works in His favour. But now........ for niki. Canonically she never even knew tommy was Dead. So its like nothing even happened for her. Is she just supposed to continue on trying to kill tommy with no progression?

What i think would work

This is more me being like 'hey @ the dsmp writers let me in' type speculation sbosegussgs. But i was thinkin on a Really easy way to 'fix' this without rewriting lore and the streams.

Dream should kill tommy again now that he's been revived and Leave Him Dead.

More development for the characters who are affected by his death Especially niki. More time for grief and self reflection and development

A chance for the audience to figure out what the 'afterlife' really is.

Dream is supposed to be smart and a master manipulator or something right? Why doesnt he use being able to revive tommy as a bargaining chip with sam for his own freedom?

The audience would now Know dream's intentions with tommy better, that this death isnt 'final', but we could still see other characters' grief and reactions and coping without it feeling cheap. Ive seen some 'but people dont know tommy is alive so hes still dead in their mind' but that sucks imo.

We'd know more on dream's ability to revive people and that he can just Do It on a whim (which i think sucks but hey im trying) but no one else would know this canonically

Okay. Im done. If you read this. Thankyou. I love you. Hmu.

[faegirly]

A Letter from Hitoshi Shinsou - a little sweetness before valentines day

~

hey

so... i know it's still a couple days 'til valentines still but, i thought i'd cut the line and get to you before anyone else did. sneaky i know, but i don't think i'll regret it. how could i? imagining you smiling as you read this letter from me just makes me glad i decided to write it in the first place. or i hope you are smiling, at least.

anyway, i just wanted to check in on you. school's been... odd with the whole world shutting down and everything. it's not really much different given we live here anyway, but it doesn't mean we're not doing our job. heroes are essential, after all. especially when the villains dont seem to be taking the whole "stay indoors" order to heart.

however, this situation also means i havent been able to come over and give you the tlc you need. ive been dying to see you... i can hardly stand being here without you with me. but, as hard as it is, im sure that soon things will change for the better, as long as everyone does their part that is. but once it's all good, I'll be at your doorstep asap.

i hope you're doing alright, but if you're not then i'm sorry, really i am. i hate that you're going through hardship whatever it may be, even more that I'm not with you. i wish i could just hold you and help you through it, but while this may not be much to fix the issue, maybe i can help take your mind off it for a while through this letter?

given it's valentine's day soon, maybe you could think of how we could spend the day together. i mean, we can't meet of course, but there's always facetime or maybe a zoomcall. seeing your face would be real great right now. you were always so cool, i dont know how i didnt talk to you sooner...

what can i say... you make me nervous haha.

but since we've been hanging out together so much, I've found myself getting more bold. you're a real hero y'know. how about as a token of my thanks, I'll get you something for the big day and send it to you, so even with that I'll be a little closer to you. just message me with what you want and I'll get it for you. promise.

but, until then, until i can see you and hug you and help you through whatever's getting you down, just think of us. it's the little things that make life bearable, yknow? the small memories that are sweet enough to ease the pain of the rest of it even a little bit. the more you think about the happy things, the more strength you have to push on and make more.

for me, most of my comfort comes from memories of being with you. your laugh, your smile, your excitement when you're doing or talking to me about the things you love... it's awesome. i could listen to you all day. thinking about you always brings a smile to my face, and it's helped me get through the worst of days. even though it's nothing like being with you, it helps just fine until i can see you again.

i hope i've been that kind of comfort for you too.

well, i gotta keep this brief. i'm training with the idiots in 1-A soon and i can't get out of it. as much as those guys kindof annoy me, if i'm gonna be a hero, they'll be times i have to do what i don't to get the job done. if it means i can be with you sooner then i'll do my best.

and if i'm gonna be your hero, i'll do even better than my best.

for you, only you.

i care about you a lot, y'know. never forget that. i'm always here for you, no matter what.

im sorry this isn't much. on the day, when we call, I'll make sure to express myself more than i have here. we'll see each other soon. i look forward to it greatly.

yours,

Hitoshi Shinsou =(^ - . - ^)=

[anchorandrope]

FAQ for newbies: introduction edition

this FAQ belongs to a series of faq’s made by @louismyantidote, @yourhabit28 and me.

spanish version – versión en español

1. what is larry?

if you know nothing about larry stylinson we recommend you read this post.

2. if we no longer have current photos of them together, how do we know that they’re still together?

if the reason you think they are in a relationship is only because of photos from 2011, its because you didnt understand the closeting. larries dont think that they are in a relationship just because they looked at each other with all the love in the world, are their body languages ​​important and one more proof of their love? yes, but the reasons are many and most of them are based on the inconsistencies and the terrible work they did with the stunts and beards, on the complementary tattoos, on the songs and how they connect, on the sarcasm and nervousness at the time of denying stuff, etc.

it must be understood that the reason why its thought that they’re still in a relationship nowadays is because the “proofs” are cumulative, that means, they dont disappear from year to year. what shows us that they’re still together isnt only the current situation but also the past. the fact that there are no current photos doesnt mean that how badly the elounor stunt was carried out or the rbb&sbb existence never happened.

noticed that we put proof in quotation marks; because although they are the things that prove our point, their purpose isnt to “prove” that they are together, no one needs to prove anything to us, they didnt get complementary tattoos just to prove to us that we are right, they did it for themselves, for example.

3. can you send me all the larry info so i can continue believing in it? because i’ve been doubting a lot lately

if you constantly need “proofs” to keep thinking that they are in a relationship its because you dont see them as a real life relationship but as a fantastic one. you dont ask couples for “proofs” of their relationship so you can be assured that they are together.

we understand that if one is misinformed on the subject (especially about how closeting and contracts work) its difficult to understand why they havent come out of the closet yet but let us tell you that we can show you all the “proofs” in the world but if you cant understand why what happens happens none of these proofs will make you “continue to believe” because if you dont understand how the industry works, it makes it impossible to understand the situation.

4. am i a larrie if i believe in a stunt? how larrie am i if i think louis is a father?

being a larrie is to believe that louis and harry were and are in a relationship, not believing in any stunt including babygate.

(differentiate larry from larrie: larry is louis and harry and larrie are us - more on terms)

the definition of larrie is one and its not gonna change just because you dont like it. you fulfill the definition of larrie? you’re a larrie, you dont fulfill the definition of larrie? then you’re not a larrie.

there is no “larrieometer” to measure how larrie you are, or you are or you arent, simple.

we know that the idea isnt to tell people what they are or what they are not, but when defining ourselves we are strict because first, there are many different opinions, which is why a fixed definition is necessary to be able to identify ourselves and secondly, because if the definition of larrie would be to “ship them” larries would be the same as drarry’s fandoms or other similar ones and NO. we arent here to use them as a ship from a movie.

5. why am i not a larrie if i believe in some stunt?

as we said earlier, being a larrie is thinking that they are in a real life relationship.

real life isnt a fanfic, in real life people who are in the closet because of the industry dont fall in love with their beards/stunts, they dont have a good time with them nor they enjoy it, they dont cheat on their partner with them, etc.

to think louis cheated on/broke up with harry, had a child and they got back together as if nothing happened is totally illogical. do you think louis and harry would still be together if that happened? does it seem normal and real to you to say that from one day to the next they broke up, louis had a son and magically harry wasnt hurt and he forgives him and they came back? does it seem normal and common in relationships for people to broke up and come back all the time as if nothing happened?

stop fictionalizing louis and harry’s life just to make it look like a fanfic, they didnt fight against closeting for all this years for some teenagers to come to make a fanfic out of their lives.

6. if i stop believing in larry because i dont understand the industry, is it wrong?

first, we know that the term “believe in larry” has always been used and everyone understands what you mean when you say it, but larries dont believe they are in a relationship, its not a theory that we choose to believe, we think (at this point we know) that they are in a relationship.

if you genuinely understand how things work, you dont see something to believe or not believe, you see a reality in which you take a position on it (whatever it may be) and that’s why we say that there are no “ex-larries” or that “unlarried” doesnt exist because if you understand this you dont “stop believing in it”.

if you dont want to understand the situation, dont even call yourself a larrie nor try being in the fandom, we wish you all the happiness in the world but if you dont want to educate yourself, dont look for us!

7. are louis and harry friends with their beards/stunts?

no. we arent telling you that they hate each other to death but they arent going to be friends with people who arent only part of their closeting but also take advantage of it.

you have to understand that louis and harry arent the only people who are managed and forced to do things by the industry, could it be that some stunt have been forced to participate? yeah, were all the stunts forced? no.

harry and eleanor arent best friends, eleanor wasnt forced to be a beard, they would never be friends with a person who decided on her own to get involved in this.

8. why are some stunts more credible than others?

the idea of ​​the stunts is that they are as credible as possible, the fact that most of them were terribly executed is another issue.

the stunts not only work as part of the closeting but also, as their name says, for promo. stunts must be as credible as possible for the promo to work as its supposed to.

why would they do a stunt with the intention that no one believes it? makes no sense.

making stunts look “casual” is yet another marketing strategy, instead of doing pap walks they “leak” photos of poorer quality and from weird angles so they can say “oh look! this photo was taken by a fan! clearly they are really dating since it was a fan who took the photo and not a paparazzi!” when in reality everything is just as prepared.

9. why did louis and harry as well as some of their family and friends deny larry?

we dont know what you expected... if they are in the closet, isnt it obvious that they will deny it? we’re just saying, because let’s say that if they dont deny it then they are coming out of the closet which is clearly not the idea of ​​closeting yk.

if you think that thanks to the fact that they signed a contract they cant come out of the closet, why are you “disappointed” when they fulfill what the contract says? do you think that out of nowhere the contract ceases to be valid when they are asked directly or?

also, we remind you that they confirmed it more times than they denied it so you would be worrying about the wrong thing.

10. are they going to come out of the closet at some point? maybe they got used to the stunts

how is anyone going to get used to being a prisoner of contracts? that now that they are older and they know how to handle the situation better doesnt mean that they enjoy it, how can someone be okay with not being free?

in our opinion (and we think we speak for all larries when we say this) is that they are going to come out. everything that begins ends and this is not the exception. lots of mega famous artists made it out, why wouldnt they?

stop worrying about the CO, stop setting dates and stop asking us when its going to be (nobody knows), its not the important thing about this. we are here to support them, not just to be aware of when they are going to come out.

11. is the babygate going to end?

yes, its impossible for them to keep it forever, not only because it will reach a point where it wont be able to be maintained because the child cant live having a double life forever and also louis will do everything to get out of that, he would never allow live his whole life keeping that lie.

12. why is babygate a stunt?

a stunt is an advertising strategy of any kind and the babygate is one.

it was an advertising strategy because it was a scandal. the promotion that babygate made to one direction during 2015 was enormous, its purpose was not only to keep louis in the closet but also to publicize.

13. i saw this on tiktok/twitter/instagram/ facebook/etc, is it real?

99% of everything that comes out of these apps is fake, is debunked or manipulated so ask if its fake or not to confirm it but know that the answer 99% of the time is going to be no.

advice: if you want to be in the fandoms of those apps, its perfect but we recommend you to ask yourself if what you see makes sense and investigate about that, we believe that you will enjoy the fandom of those apps more if instead of seeing “info” you see edits, photos, etc :)

14. are the prediction accounts or those that claim to be one/some of the boys real?

no. the prediction accounts always say things that are possible to happen so if they hit some of them its because of that its not because they are secretly the boys.

are the guys likely to have a secret account where they are free to take a closer look at the fandom? yes. any average person is going to want to see what their own fandom says about them so it stands to reason that they have a private account. now, the idea of ​​that secret account is it to be secret, so it makes no sense to give “clues” that its you. no account claiming to be boys is real.

besides, from accounts like crownbeeolive and all those, do you think that some men of almost 30 are going to have an account on instagram to give predictions that usually dont make sense? also that the account claims to be the secret girlfriend of niall adjdjaks come on people use logic.

15. why, if they are already free, have they still not come out of the closet?

who said they are free? nobody is free in the entertainment industry and also the contracts they signed while in the band dont disappear like that just because they change management or label. when they change management or label it means that they will stop signing new contracts with the previous ones and will start signing with the new ones, which is good since it makes them stop signing with those who started everything but that doesnt mean that all previously signed contracts lose all their validity.

16. are harry and jeff best friends?

no, they have a working relationship. they hate each other? no, but calling any relationship that occurs in the workplace a friendship isnt correct. jeff is interested in earning money just like his father and everyone else in the industry. he isnt with harry because he likes him, he is with him because he sells.

17. why, if its a stunt, are there photos of them together/they went to this place together/they spent this day together?

do you think that a beard/stunt is going to be credible if there are no photos of them together or no photos of them with their families? for example, elounor already shows how fake it is even with photos of her with lou’s family, imagine how obvious it would be if those photos didnt exist.

understand that the job of being a beard is literally that, taking a couple of photos with the other person’s friends and family, taking a couple of papwalks, uploading some occasional instragam story, etc.

they are doing their job, that’s why those photos exist.

18. why when 1D went on hiatus louis and harry didnt come out of the closet?

when 1D split, the contracts didnt magically disappear. 1D’s separation has nothing to do with larry.

louis until july 2020 was still very attached to simon and syco so for his part there was no progress and harry went to columbia records and has jeff azoff as his manager and although until recently he was better than louis he is still tied to the stunts and everything he signed in the past.

except for harry’s image there was almost no change since they got out of 1D. neither of them were freed from the past just by leaving one direction.

19. am i a bad fan if i dont know some things or if im new?

not at all, there’s no such thing as being a good or a bad fan because there are no requirements to be a fan of someone. if you like their music and appreciate them is more than enough.

20. why are some larry proof so absurd?

on the internet you will find many larry “proofs” that dont make any sense and the one who have to realize that is you using your own criteria.

when one just begins to investigate larry, some things may seem “crazy” or “absurd” since its difficult to understand that they can only speak through actions, gestures, details, etc. and not through direct words. you have to take the time to understand that that t-shirt that he wear, that song that he wrote or that face that he made are the only way they can “talk” to us.

—extras related to 1D

1. is one direction coming back?

of course this is something we dont know but many people including us believe that they will come back and we dont say it because we miss the band, we say it because its really really likely to happen.

the subject is very extensive but the return of one direction would bring huge profits. 1D was a super successful band with thousands of fans and many fans continue to join the fandom every year, if they decide to come back and release an album and/or tour the sales will be the highest sale of all their careers. do they enjoy their solo careers? of course but the return of one direction is a business that nobody wants to miss.

there’s no chance that they wont take advantage of this to earn money, not only are the boys going to want to do it but many people above them are going to want it too.

btw dont get excited because we dot believe that we’re near the return!

2. why would the boys want to get back together if they hated the band?

they didnt hate the band and they said it and proved it thousands of times. they had to deal with horrible things but the band brought them a lot of good things. it gave them friends, a job, a future. they had a bad time in many ways but are still grateful for the many good things it brought them.

if they come back it wont be the same as before (in any way) so not only will it be with a different team but they will also be much older so they will already know how to handle the situation better.

3. but why are they going to get back together if they are now free?

they arent free, as we said before, nobody is free and they still have the band’s contracts.

besides, do you see them free now? we shouldnt explain about louis and harry, zayn lives being sabotaged, liam said and demonstrated many times that his team control basically everything, etc. do you call that freedom?

4. do boys hate each other?

no. not only did they say and show that they dont hate each other but this is yet another marketing strategy, the fact that they divide the fandoms so much and cause problems between them and shows it as “impossible” the return of the band and the friendship between the boys makes the triple impact when it happens. if now we see the boys together and okay with each other, if they come back no one will be surprised because we would say “it was obvious, if we always saw them together”.

5. was the zouis fight real?

we personally believe that they probably have fought but the twitter fight seems it was made specifically for promo. the fight itself didnt make much sense and also the fact that it was made public and on twitter makes things more than obvious.

6. why did zayn fought with everyone and left the band? if one direction comes back, would he also come back?

this question is very controversial so it depends a lot on who you ask. in our opinion, its quite possible that the reason zayn left the band was actually multiple reasons and not just for mental health.

we know that many people dont think the same but we honestly see it as marketing. we are convinced that there were problems behind the scenes but those problems werent the ones that caused all this.

from the first moment they used zayn’s departure for PR and there were always contradictions in the story and so many contradictions are only synonymous with lies. we believe that it makes a lot of sense that this is marketing since it contributed a lot in the promotion of mitam and MOM and would contribute a lot in the case of a return (as we explained above, the more impossible it seems, the more profit and impact). anyway, we cant say for sure what happened or what will happen.

7. is it wrong to miss the band or want them to come back even though i like their solo careers?

well if you joined the fandom recently, you cant technically miss something that you never experienced, although we understand what you mean, you have the desire to have lived it, which is super understandable and valid. what you feel about the band will always be valid, nobody can invalidate your feelings. since you have that desire to experience it, its very likely that you want the band to return since you want to live that experience, which isnt wrong.

that you prefer the band or solo careers is a personal opinion just as its to prefer the solo career of eg niall or liam. they are simply tastes/preferences, there’s nothing wrong with preferring one thing over another.

8. is it wrong to be ot5?

being ot5 means supporting the career of the 5 as soloists. NOTHING else. in other apps they modified the term to something that has nothing to do with the original one. enjoying the music of the 5 has nothing wrong

9. what is the difference between simon, sony, syco and modest?

this post explains it very well but here is a mini summary of what it says:

simon cowell -> who’s he. he is the creator of and judge of the x factor, the program where the band was formed. one direction specifically signed contracts with him in addition to having signed with sony, syco and modest.

sony -> is a record company, is in charge of the recordings of the songs and their distribution.

syco -> is a record label, is in charge of producing artists (making music videos, interviews, album promotion, etc)

modest! -> its a management company, they are in charge of representing an artist and giving him an image (they are the artist’s managers).

10. the other boys had stunts?

yes, all artists have and even more the members of a boyband. its up to you to think what they were.

these were quick answers to the most frequently asked questions when someone from another app comes to tumblr, please investigate everything further <3

[tetranocular]

having a personality disorder is absolute balls

the whole ethos of my life is just.. finding an easier way because i have zero tolerance for hard things

i cant just push through the way other people often can, so when an easy alternative isnt available, i crack under pressure and give up

and my threshold for what is or isnt easy is slowly shifting so that more things feel impossible to do

and its not like i cant do challenging things, im capable on occasion, but i cant choose what those things are at all, even when its something i KNOW will benefit me, or when it’s something i REALLY want to do

and the extra sucky thing is that when i try and communicate this to my parents, they dont seem to get it at all, which is an extremely frustrating and isolating experience

and its not like i havent worked to try and change this. ive been in therapy since i was 13. that’s a decade. a decade of therapy and there’s nothing to show for it. hell, it was only a couple years ago that we were finally like “oh hey you might have a personality disorder!” 

so what did i do? i went and found a therapist who specialized in personality disorders, i told him what hasnt worked for me in the past, and he essentially said “shit, the things that havent worked for you in the past are the only things i know how to do, sorry :/”

and ive kept him despite making basically no progress with him because he’s one of the few therapists willing to keep my parents at bay for me, because they just cant accept that i dont work the same way as them and dont trust me enough to make decisions about my life and need some dude who also understands very little about me to echo what i say in order to actually take shit seriously

because if he didnt do that, they’d start hounding me about doing things their way again, despite the fact that it made me 10x more miserable. hell, even with him keeping them at bay, they still try and do that! my therapist just makes it so its less frequent

god, and before anyone says anything, im SO fucking tired of people telling me what i need to do to improve my life

if you have a suggestion, chances are, ive already tried it, so just please fucking dont

like man ive tried so much shit. i’ve been to a wilderness program, ive been to a therapeutic boarding school, ive done yoga and breathing exercises and mediation and cbt and dbt and exercise and group therapy and VARIOUS meds. fuck, the only thing i feel like i HAVENT tried is sending electric waves directly into my brain, and thats only because people say that the treatment can make your memory worse, and i already cant remember most of the shit i do each day. even so, im STILL considering trying that out, because i just dont know what else to do

i just... i really wish i could approach life in a different way, but they dont call personality disorders ‘personality rigidity’ for nothing. shit feels impossible to change. ive spent half my life trying to be even mildly functional, and it hasnt worked, so at this point, im tempted to say that i just cant

and the thing is that its just so fucking typical of me. giving up because it’s hard. but im just so fucking tired of trying. believe me, if it seemed like shit was working, id probably have a bit more drive, but ive been running in place for a decade. im tired. i want to just be able to exist as-is without someone (cough cough my parents) complaining to me that im ill-equipped for the world and that im not doing enough and wasting my life 

i know! believe me, i know!! i AM ill-equipped for the world, and shit, i probably am not doing enough, but unless you can wave a magic fucking wand and fix it for me, youre just gonna have to take me the way i am, because i dont see change on the horizon

[lovebug5151]

Family Bonding (With a hint of Angst) Robodad Grian Au

(Yes, unless y'all have better ideas for the name of this Au, this is what i’m going with lmao. If you do have any, go ahead and say em! If i like it and it fits, ill rename it and say it was your idea in the next chapter.)

So this is about 2040 words, and i’m quite happy with it. I don’t think I made this one as sad as the first one, but im not sure. I actually have a story line for up to ch 5 of this story, and I hope that this is one of the last true sad chapters (Though I might spice some things up, dont want things too happy, do ya :D

This is also about a week or so after the events of the first chapter.

Grian sat on top of his mansion, just watching and listening to the wind, breathing in, and out. He needed to clear his head. Earlier Mumbo had made a offhand comment about how Grumbots heart was missing, and ‘maybe it fell into the ocean’ before laughing. 

While Grian knew Mumbo didn’t have the same background as he did with considering Aware AI’s ‘just robots’, he had called Grumbot son, even if it was awkwardly. It hurt Grian, to know that Mumbo might hurt Grumbot, even unintentionally, if he did see him. And Jrumbot… he was just a child, his dad saying hurtful things would hurt him so much more.

Grian had to quickly finish up what he was doing, and rush back to his base to breath. He couldn’t work beside Mumbo at the moment, couldn’t explain how Mumbo had hurt him, and so had run off. 

Grian leaned forward slightly to look down. It was a far drop. Grian had never truly been afraid of heights, he loved climbing high in the air. 

It was joked that it was because he was short, that he liked to be tall, but he just liked feeling the wind rush around him, and the feeling of falling and pulling up right before hitting the ground. It was elating, and whenever he was feeling bad he just took a leap off a roof and fell, before swooping up using his elytra. 

He wondered if Grumbot would like flying, he could fix up some Jet boots for him, maybe mechanical wings? Yeah, he’ll make some wings for Grumbot and if he liked them, maybe some for himself. He liked the idea of being able to mostly hover in one place. 

He let out a breath and looked at the sun. It was nearing lunch, and if he didn’t come inside Grumbot would come looking for him. 

Grian swooped down, landing in front of the door, before heading inside. 

--------

Grumbot hummed as he finished cooking some steak. He and Jrumbot were able to eat regular food, and no one knew how, but neither Grumbot or Grian really wanted to question it so they let it be.

He put the steak on plates and turned around just as his Dad walked in. He smiled and said hi to him while bringing the plates to the table. Jrumbot was already there and they sat on chairs to eat.

It was quiet for a moment before Grian yawned. “Have you two ever wanted to fly?” 

Grumbot looked at him weirdly for a second before nodding. “Yeah, kinda, but I'm way too heavy for an elytra.”

Jrumbot paused with his steak halfway in his mouth

“If fould fe fun fu fly” He said, still chewing his food. 

Grian sighed slightly and smiled at Jrumbot 

“Jrumbot, dont talk with your mouth full.”

Jrumbot finished his mouthful and squirmed slightly. “Sorry.”

“|Its alright. Its just something to that we dont make a mess okay?” Grian told him.

“Okay.” Jrumbot muttered, before continuing “But yeah! It would be so fun to fly!”

Grian smiled “I have an idea then, but let's finish eating, yeah?” Both of them nodded at him before starting to eat their steak again.

After dinner, Jrumbot went to go mess with some of the blocks Grian had given him, and Grian and Grumbot went down to the Lab. They called it a Lab, but it was just a basement with too many tech pieces in it.

Grumbot sat down in a chair before waiting for Grian to talk, while Grian went over to look at something on a table.

“Dad,” Grumbot started, when it was obvious Grian wasn't gonna start talking “What was with the questions about flying?”

Grian glanced back at him. “Not much, I was just thinking about something. You both know how you're too heavy for elytras, but I was thinking, if we remade some of your body into lighter but still strong metals, and used,” His talking stopped as he walked towards a wall. Grumbot was confused until suddenly a Shulker Box opened.

Grumbot stared for a second before laughing. “How did i not know that was there?” He got out between giggles.

Grian smiled at him. “I havent opened it around you, and you haven't snooped. I'm not surprised you haven't found it. I keep my old ideas in there, old blueprints, old mechanical pieces I just couldn't throw away, those sort of things.” Grian started unrolling a big piece of paper “And I remembered I had a blueprint of these old things.”

Grumbot stood up to look at the paper, and after taking a moment to understand it, froze with excitement. He glances up at Grian with a giant smile, and Grian smiled back.

---------

Grian let out a oof as Grumbot collided with him. Grumbot was giggling uncontrollably, and Grian was happy that Grumbot was happy. Grumbot let go to look at the blueprint again and looked up with eyes so full of excitement that Grian felt excited too.

“Can we actually make these?” Grumbot asked, almost bouncing up and down.

Grian laughed and nodded. “Yeah, we'll have to test them out, but there's no reason we can't. It will take a while.” He warned Grumbot “And I will test out the wings first when we think they're ready.”

He saw Grumbot take a breath, to say something when Grian continued. “I haven't tested these designs yet. I would rather, if something goes wrong, to have me gone for a couple days respawning, and you safe, instead of you-” Grian couldn't even finish the sentence before he had to take a deep breath before the tears started coming. “Instead of you getting hurt.” He ended quietly, putting his hand on Grumbots shoulder. Grumbot looked down for a moment, before looking up at Grian with sadness. 

“I understand Dad, but please don't get hurt, Don’t d-die and have to respawn, I don't know what I'd tell Jrumbot.”

Grian looked at him and smiled sadly. “I wasn't planning on dying anytime soon kid. Let's start figuring out what we need to get for the wings, yeah?” Grumbot nodded excitedly, and bolted for the metals cabinet. Grian laughed as he followed along.

--------

Grian Yawned and stretched out his arms. They were all sitting in front of a fireplace, enjoying tea and Jrumbot was cuddling with Maui.

The good feeling couldn't last forever though, because eventually Jrumbot looked up and over at Grian. “Dad,” He started “Why haven't we seen Papa?”

Grian froze for a second before closing his eyes. He didnt wanna talk about this to them, he didn't want to hurt them.

“Dad?” Grumbot questioned, seeing his Dad freeze up and look on the verge of tears.

Grian sighed and rubbed his face. “Both of you come here.” He murmured finally, patting the couch he was sitting on either side of him.

Grumbot and Jrumbot quickly came over to sit beside him, and Grian put both his arms on their shoulders.

Grian took a deep breath. “You have not seen mumbo, and have not been able to explore outside of my mansion area, for a couple reasons. One of these is that I'm not too sure how mobs will react to you, and How you'd react with being hurt by a mob. The other,...” Grian took a deep breath, and closed his eyes, letting his chin drop to his chest. “The other,” Grian continued, “Is because I'm not too sure of how the other Hermits would react to you.” He finally looked up and saw both of them staring at him in confusion. Grian tried to explain. “I'm one of the only ones who have experience with actually aware AI’s, I believe, and when some people are scared of something, they decide that they should hurt it before it hurts them.” He took another deep breath and looked into Grumbot and Jrumbots eyes, one after the other. “I do not believe that many of the Hermits would react this way, but I don't know exactly how they would react, and I don't want them to hurt you, either unknowingly or not.”

He saw Grumbots eyes widen and Jrumbots eyes narrow slightly. “I understand that reasoning dad,” Jrumbot started “But why haven't we seen papa?”

Grian sighed again. “Do you two remember yesterday morning, when I came back early and stayed on the roof for a bit?” they both nodded and Grian continued. “I did that, because Mum- Papa, upset me with his words.” He said, before taking a pause. He didn't look at either of his boys, but rather the ceiling as he said “He made some not nice jokes about Grumbot. Both of you must know however,” Grian started saying immediately when they both froze “That Mumbo doesn't know much about Aware AI’s. He believed Grumbot was an unaware aware AI, and that he was killed when he broke down. He did not know you had actual feelings, instead of manufactured ones. Mumbo often has issues figuring out other people's emotions, and most of the time redstone doesn't have emotions. Mumbo doesn't know about you two, and you haven't seen him,” Grian was starting to slow as he tried to find the words he needed. “Because, Because I am afraid. He murmured quietly. I am afraid he will unwittingly hurt you with his words, and I didnt want that to happen before you were aware it could happen. I'm sorry I kept this from you, but I wasn't aware of how to say it, or if you were ready for it, and decided to let one of you bring the topic up.”

There was silence for a moment before both of his boys hugged him. “I understand Dad,” Grumbot murmured into his shirt. “You didn't want us to get hurt, but thank you for telling us now.” Jrumbot nodded in agreement and Grian let out a wet laugh. Sounding on the edge of tears he said “What did I ever do without you boys?”

Grumbot pulled away and giggled as he said “Forgot about eating dinner.”

Grian paused before letting out a loud laugh which made Grumbot and Jrumbot start giggling.

“I can't say you're wrong.” Grian laughed, running a hand through his hair.

Grian then yawned, and stood up to stretch. “However nice this bonding session has been.” Grian started, turning toward his boys. “I believe it is bedtime. No buts!” he smiled at them as he said that, both of them having opened their mouths to deny it. It is nighttime, and very dark, and both of you need sleep.”

“Will you read to me dad,” Jrumbot murmured, fidgeting on the couch.

Grian smiled at him. “Of course, you only need ask.” He smirked at Jrumbot before saying “However, the first one to get to your room gets to pick the book, and oh look, Grumbots already at the hallway-” Jrumbot shrieked out a laugh as a sudden race took place in the hallway, and Grian smiled as he tidied the place up, talking the mugs to the kitchen to wash tomorrow.

He then walked to the boys bedroom, to find Jrumbot pouting as Grumbot sat on his bed.

“What will the story be?” Grian asked them, and Grumbot smiled before saying, “what about the one about the Dragons saving the world?”

Jrumbot glanced up with wide eyes and Grian grinned. Even though Grumbot had obviously won, he had also chosen his brother's favorite book to read.

Grian walked over to the bookshelf and found the book, “A Warrior's Tail” before walking to Jrumbots bed. He started reading to them, and within the third chapter, they were both asleep. 

Grian smiled and leaned over both of them to kiss their foreheads, before whispering ‘night’ and leaving the room. He walked toward his own bedroom and climbed into bed. Grian looked at the ceiling and felt Maui joined him, purring as he curled up around Grians head. He reached up to scratch Maui under the chin, before yawning and turning off his lamp.

That talk was one he had been dreading, and it went over quite well. Grians last thought before sleeping was ‘Maybe I should introduce them to another Hermit.’

-----------

For whatever reason, Autocorrect really hates all names. Anyways, I know who the Hermit is, But do any of you? I want to see who you think the hermit is!

Also, if you liked this story, please comment! I loved reading all of your comments on the last one! They helped me make this chapter as quick as possible! (I may also be procrastinating on other stories with a Grumbot Fix-it Fic but, oh well)

[mollydollyjournals]

Everything feels so quiet again. I hate this about being nocturnal. At least during the day more people are around and online and I might have a little interaction. I wonder if I'll ever get my body clock to function on a 24hr schedule. Even as a child and teenager I've always had sleeping problems though. My body clock has always fought against regular timing. I definitely find it easiest when I'm actually excited to get up for something in particular, but that's not all there is to it. Besides that feels like a tall ask right now.

I've been crying a lot recently. I dont usually cry that much at all but the past month maybe, in increasing frequency, and the majority of the past few days, I'm always on the verge of or in tears. I'm on so much prozac I can sometimes feel it pushing me to just smile through it and do something, but I think my mind wins over it when it sees that my 5 minutes of positivity didnt bring luck like everyone says it will. I'm tempted to lower my dose just so I can at least be consistently sad. Part of me hopes I'd get bad enough to SH and do more noticeable stuff so someone will realise how I feel, but part of me knows that's not how itll work and I'll just do those things and feel even worse because I'm still by myself. Most of me feels guilty because that's the dramatic stereotype and nobody likes an attention seeker, but most of me also knows it's not socially acceptable to directly ask for help and support. The times I've said a thing about how bad I feel, very obviously in need of support, i havent got it. So if i did something more, i still wouldnt get it, but I'd just be bothering people even more by letting them see. But then maybe I'd actually get the balls to just end it properly and get it over with. But I also know I'm not someone who'd do something so final without exhausting all options first, which means I'd also say that more directly, and then the same issue applies.

I'm so sick of feeling like this. I feel like such a waste of space and it's the same problem where I need x to do y but I need y to get z and I need z to get x. Whenever I try to force myself to break that cycle alone, I burn out. I feel worse for the fact that I'm doing it alone. I feel like theres no point in achieving any of it if I'm still alone. I did so much growing up by myself and doing way too much and all it got me was a bit more time alive so I could watch everyone else actually live and realise how cut off i was. Last time i had a major breakdown i came out of it over time but i felt worse afterwards than before because of the fact that I'd had to deal with it alone. I felt resentful of all the people who saw me say outright on my social media 'I feel really terrible and I need support/dont think I can deal with this alone/etc' and either said nothing or just briefly acknowledged it then continued on. I didnt really get over it, I just stopped in the same way a baby learns to stop crying eventually if nobody comes. So i came out of the breakdown with the resentful and anxious feeling that i cant really rely on anyone and am truly alone.

Now I'm so much more sensitive. Of course I'm more sensitive. I'm scared this is more permanent mental shit that I wont be able to get rid of. I cant stay like this forever. I never used to be this bad. But I had some outlets at least, and some hope that it might be different at some point. Now it feels like I'm just so worn out and I need to rest and be protected but the longer I go without it the more I need and the more impossible it gets and then I feel like theres no point in trying because theres no way to fix the cycle. Not without some anime-level miracle.

All I can do is drink and hope I get distracted by something else for a while. Hope I get chatty and confident enough to send the first messages and make the first posts, hope the audience happens to be responsive. Hope I come up with some kind of idea that'll keep me busy and entertained.

There was a day a few months ago where I drank a lot over the course of a day, and I started getting really bad palpitations where my heart was stopping for a few seconds at a time and restarting painfully. It especially stopped whenever I lay down and kept still, ie when I was trying to sleep. I thought I was probably going to die in the night so I wrote out a little note on my phone just in case. But I was kind of happy about it. For whatever reason, a few friends had been online and we'd all talked a lot, and I'd had things to do, and we talked about what we were doing throughout that day, and we all screwed around and shitposted, and it was just nice. It didnt feel so much like quarantine as just long distance friends and I felt like if that was gonna be my last day then so be it.

Of course, I didnt die. It turned out my meds needed adjusting so I did that and the palpitations lessened. I kind of wish I did just die. I guess it's morose. But it would have taken the guesswork and worrying out of all this. I'm just so tired. Its not that I dont want to get better and enjoy life. I just dont know if I can. I dont know if theres too much damage been done. I was already a difficult case before the pandemic but it's really fucked me over a lot and brought up a lot of old and new insecurities and I dont know if I'm really able to make the transition to something normal and okay.

My heart palpitations are bad again right now. Today it's because of restricting food. Theres some kind of weak heart trait in my family so I've always had the occasional palpitation, but they get bad sometimes. It's not painful right now, just weak. If I breathe too deeply it loses rhythm. I keep beginning to hyperventilate from anxiety and my heart gets irregular and weird. Of course as I say that I get some pain.

I dont feel like I can eat more though. I did have a meal for dinner. Low calorie, but a meal. So my calories for today weren't super low. One thing that's always consistent about my thing with food etc is the control element. That when everything is bad, I need something to go my way, and this is all I can do. I dont know.

Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. Probably not. But I really want to. I really need to. It only takes small things, small distractions to keep me going. If I can just survive long enough to keep at some things to change my situation, maybe I can get out of this. But if I crack, I drink and binge and do other things that make me feel worse. I dont know. I'm trying to drag myself along but I guess it doesn't look like I'm doing anything at all.