#i dont know really

[blazefire2012]

Ranting a bit into the universe, feel free to chime in if you'd like, I may still delete this. I just need to put my thoughts down.

So I just discovered the term bigender the other day and it feels like I found a puzzle piece to a puzzle I've had for a long ass time. There are so many instances of me trying to explain to people, and reciting it to myself, that I don't care what I am, I don't care what pronouns people use for me, I'm just Beth, I look good with tits, sometimes I adore skirts and sometimes I won't touch them with a 10 foot pole and I want to dress like a tomboy.

Hell, even the other day, months before I found out what bigender was, someone commented on my art on reddit and said something like "wow this is amazing, you're a super talented ghoul/ghoulette!" And I replied "thank you, I appreciate the compliment! Also if you want to know I'm a ghoulette but I don't mind what you call me!" And when I told me husband about that comment chain, he looked at me weird and asked if I really didn't mind what I get called. To be honest, I really don't. I don't like gender to the extent that if someone seen my last name and first initial on a paper and then seem my gender, they would automatically assume ANYTHING about me without even knowing me.

The first time I went to the OBGYN and she was explaining way to much to 15 year old me, I started bawling. When she and my mom tried to calm me down and ask what I was upset about while they were describing IUDs and fucking grain of rice looking injection under my skin, I just sobbed that I didn't like this, I didn't like that this was my only option because I lost the birth lottery and was a "woman". I nearly threw up I cried so hard. My doctor told me mom respectfully to get out to explain some things to me one on one and for her to wait in the waiting room. When she shut the door, she went to a locked cabinet and pulled out pamphlets on what being transgender was, what body disphoria was, and a third one I don't remember. In a soft and not overwhelming voice, she asked me if I wanted to read any of these or take them home so I can find out what my feelings were. I turned her down because of course my family would probably disown me, but I didn't feel like I wanted to transition, I was okay being a girl and i even liked it sometimes, I just didn't want the labels and the expectations that came with it all.

And in the end, I honestly don't care what I am, I just want to be me. That's all. I don't think nonbinary is something for me, because like I said before, I LIKE being a woman sometimes. And I wouldn't necessarily say I would use the gender of male, I just don't care or get offended if someone slips up on an assumption.

[ekanatsume]

love doesn’t have to be romantic. It’s strangers holding the door open for you. Friends laughing with you. The sun shining it’s warmth for you to bask in. The random bird or squirrel on your walk that doesn’t bolt when you pass it. There’s love everywhere, in infinitely many different forms

I actually wasn't talking about romantic love. The way you phrased it is beautiful. I think I'm too bitter to comprehend this rn. But I'll think about this the next time any act of consideration happens to me. Thank you for going out of your way to write this. I hope you have a wonderful week 💞

[oscarpiastrijpg]

I like how colorful tlou the series was, like, genuinely colorful, apocalypse related stuff tends to be like opaque (must be something something portraying desolation with a world without color etc etc), it's nice seeing even if to every feeling they want to convey they change the filter but overall still with color

and the game, bro????, did you ever see that game photos some game photographers had been posting? I mean, I know it's edited and stuff, but man, it's there, the color is there

[diabolimeservavit666]

Is it just me or is there something about these images that look very wrong?

[sunbloomdew]

do you ever see a person and you are overcome with incredible fondness? and you just think "oh." but not in a romantic or sexual way you are just filled with warmth and it makes you happy, it just does. and you think "i'm so happy you exist. i'm happy you are somewhere out there in the world, doing your thing". it's love but also not entirely

like people are lovely and i feel it in my entire chest like a burning candle that smells like roses and a sunny day

[possessable]

Hello i'm a normal person here's some stuff i drew to illustrate different traits different "person getting controlled" tropes can have

edit: obligatory possession shorthand code link because people seem to be using this like the possession code but just. without the code part

edit: DO NOT BE HORNY ON MY POST 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

[wynsvre]

snoopy as lady macbeth

[foolsocracy]

identity reveals are always fun

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[mackmp3]

personally i kinda of enjoy it even though i dont use they/them because it kinda implies someone has looked at me and assumed i'm not cis lol. and at least in my social circle it's more polite to go with they/them if you aren't sure

please reblog for sample size :] its research

[emberglowfox]

Keeper -- a short comic about an angel meeting a robotic lighthouse keeper that doesn't know the world has already ended. Made in about 18 hours for a 24-hour 24-page* black and white comic challenge (that I arrived late to, ha.)

*the actual submission does not include the cover, which was created after the fact for this post.

This was a really great learning experience as someone who's... never really made a completed comic. I ended up really attached to the story by the end of the project (possibly due to all-nighter deliriousness lol) and ultimately am very proud of what I made.There are some things I'd still like to change, particularly text placement, but in keeping with the spirit of the challenge I've elected to leave it as is.

[fangirlghost-19]

i need an excuse to get my shit together so here we go:

if this gets 50 notes i'll drink more water everyday

if this gets 100 notes i'll start cycling once a week and logging it

if this gets 200 notes i'll start eating more fruit

if this gets 500 notes i'll apply for a summer job

if this gets 1000 notes i'll actually make plans with my friends

if this gets 2000 notes i'll tidy my entire wardrobe

if this gets 5000 notes i'll get a better skincare routine

if this gets 10 000 notes i'll do something about my mental health

the numbers are intentionally high bc i really don't want to do any of this and yeah there is a deadline of the end of june

[sanguine-squid]

look at my biology headcanons boy

[july-19th-club]

seriously have been thinking about this all night long. call me autistic but the fact that 90% of workplaces the point is not to get your work done and then be done doing it but to instead perform an elaborate social dance in which you find something to do even when you're done doing everything you need to do in order to show your fellow workers that you, too, are Working . because you are at Work . disgusting why cant we all agree that if there is no work immediately to be done. we just dont do anything

[callisteios]

Hi, feel free to take my new uquiz to discover what kind of vampire you are!