#and for not caring about myself first
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love doesn’t have to be romantic. It’s strangers holding the door open for you. Friends laughing with you. The sun shining it’s warmth for you to bask in. The random bird or squirrel on your walk that doesn’t bolt when you pass it. There’s love everywhere, in infinitely many different forms
I actually wasn't talking about romantic love. The way you phrased it is beautiful. I think I'm too bitter to comprehend this rn. But I'll think about this the next time any act of consideration happens to me. Thank you for going out of your way to write this. I hope you have a wonderful week 💞
#ig im just really bitter about it rn#i feel like i gave away everything i had to be loved#it's the little things but like i cant see them#maybe all the love i had turned into grief bc i couldn't put it anywhere else#bc it wasn't needed#maybe it was#for them to find someone better to pour their love into#i truly be bitter rn to comprehend this#i think i was just expecting people to love me as well#i should have known better#i dont know really#how to articulate this#i feel so stupid ig#for trying so hard for people#and for expecting#and for not caring about myself first#i still dont know how to process all of this#its better to love without any strings attached#yeah i think im trying to love without expecting it back from now on#and ofc love myself first before any of it#so that i dont feel resentful of them#but thanks for writing it out#it's nice to be seen sometimes
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after it has been new, scary and uncomfortable, it’s going to be okay. isn’t that what we’re doing it for?
#me trying to hype myself up about going to the gym for the first time#on my own#with a disability#yikes#positive suggestions#positive thinking#suggestions#suggestion#comfort kindness family#self validation#positive#positivity#self love#self care#positive mental attitude#mental health
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i think more people need to realize that the circumstances of how jason todd died would make him deeply untrusting of not only other people, not only himself and his own instincts, but specifically other people's proclamations of what they feel about/for him and how he reacts to that in turn
#personal#jason todd#like personally if a major formative moment in my life was trusting someone when they said they cared about me#and taking them at their word on an important topic#only for them to be flat out lying and then say that it's MY fault for trusting them in the first place#which then leads into a series of events that are both physically and mentally incredibly traumatic#i'm not trusting anyone who says anything about how they feel about me ever again#and i'm not trusting my own reactions or my own instincts in response to people either#(also god i forgot what a victim blaming BITCH sheila haywood was i hate dc retconning aditf to try and make it jason's fault)#anyway i'm done batman posting for the day or i'm gonna start pissing myself off
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THOUGHT GAINED: INFERNAL ENGINES
PROBLEM
The world is ending. You know it, your neighbor knows it, the dealer knows it, the jailer knows it, the king and all his men know it. All one has to do is look around to see it— the future is curdling into something pale and incorporeal. The infernal machine that is this stupid world is going to blow, sooner rather than later. So what are you doing? Why are you still here? Why is anyone still here?
SOLUTION
You are doing the only thing worth doing. You are living. *Why,* you ask? Try and remember now. Remember your mother’s hand on your shoulder. Remember the taste of a fresh catch. Remember the times when you were kind to the dogs in the valley and they did not bare their teeth. Remember the weight of a child on your shoulders. Remember the stars throwing their light against the wall of sodium and smog. Remember singing until your throat was raw. Remember crying just as loudly and publicly, and the gentleness with which someone opened your curled fist and pressed a handkerchief into your palm. Crying, laughing, running, eating, screaming, haunting, loving, fighting, fighting, fighting. The fight fuels you, and you fuel the fight. You run yourself ragged just for a chance to keep running. You never stop. You cannot stop. The world depends on it. *You* are the infernal engine. You are the world. And, simply put: you want to live.
#disco elysium#thought cabinet#suicide tw#smth a little different#this is actually smth i would like to include in a full length one shot#but i think it’s gonna get edited p heavily for the fic this is just a first pass at it#but. i like this draft of it and i want to archive it#feels like me and all my loved ones have death on their minds most of the time lately…#reminding myself that keeping myself and all the ppl i care about on this earth is what everything is about#always and forever
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*clasps your shoulders gently and looks you straight in the eye*
Keferon. Please read Ninth by Kyn on AO3. I think you would love it very much. It has a large chapter count, but don't be intimidated, it's very easy to get into. It is currently unfinished, but is being updated regularly.
You are the seventh person that recommended this fic to me so ahahahaha yeah
I’m doing great Help I hate some parts of it but I love the other parts I’m spinning in the blender
…..I made the moodboard….
#chapter 37#of 120 or something#I must be like 90k words in haha#large word count is not an intimidation. It’s an invitation haha#I love the fics that I can’t read in just one hour:)#I gotta say I don’t enjoy the concept of making robots into organic life#it’s just my preference#seeing them as humans or animals or whatever feels so fucking wrong#the concept itself drives me off#like. Strongly#But at the same time. This fic isn’t about them being ‘haha cute organics’#it’s ‘oh god. I was turned into something I’m not’#instead of teeheee they’re fluffy#it’s please free me from this fucking nightmare. please let me be myself again.#idk how to explain. I resonate I guess#it often feels very disturbing but the characters are also disturbed#So now I’m kind of stuck reading this fic because I just can’t stop lol#just politely skipping the parts that make me too uncomfortable#also#the body horror is….damn. Impressive. I didn’t expect to read about grotesque fleshy creature turning itself inside out#it’s not even aesthetic or symbolic#it literally looks like a fucking nightmare. Which is impressive also.#the flesh is g r o s s#the beginning got me struggling and skipping#but the intermission is currently ruining my sleep schedule#oh fuck….I usually send my posts to the authors of the fics I read…..but I feel like I might offend the author of Ninth if do this……..#there’s a tiny chance they’re following me….if it’s true then I wanna tell I’m sorry pls don’t take this seriously#your fic got me waay out of my comfort zone#huge points for writing Ratchet. Drift in this fic is���the grossest fucking thing I could probably imagine but Ratchet doesn’t even hesitate#he helps him and he cares for him. Which is…..imma be real my first instinct would be to set Drift on fire to end his misery
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Almost
#zutara#atla#zuko#avatar the last airbender#katara#zutara fanart#Wip#First page of three is done!!!#Won't be sharing until I have the whole thing but I'm. So. Close!!!!!!!#It's been ages since I started this project omg#But it's worth it#Hopefully I'll get the chance to finish it tomorrow... Won't be making any promises tho#I've missed you guys and I can't wait to share this with you#Anyways I know it's ZK month (and all the content has been WONDERFUL so far) but I won't be participating. Sorry about that.#Working with prompts is such an amazing creative exercise but I know myself good enough to be certain that I'll never get past the first...#... prompt without coming up with seven different AUs and I can't deal with more of those right now lol#Like I've got this Blue Spirit! Katara and Painted Lady! Zuko AU on the works since last week or so. And more lore for the og BS/PL spirits#And also this S3 canon divergence AU... And another one... And another one...#And I need to work on them at my own rhythm otherwise I'll go nuts#So uh#Yeah#Love u all and I hope I'll get to share this one soon (if only to start on yet another comic. I've got ideas for two of them. Yay)#Dema out#(Sorry for the rambling I'm just anxious)#(Don't know why but I stopped caring a long time ago)
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Based on somewhat real events
I spent way too much time drawing this...
But yeah, Ford finally saying thank you
A continuation (kinda)
#sometimes my skin smells too strongly and I hate it. I wanna crawl up and die. it's not that bad usually#only when I'm already overstimulated#there were 2 times where I was sick and I started crying and almost threw up because the smells were too strong#one time the smell of tge city. the other time it was roasted chicken. I still feel sick when I smell reheated chicken to this day#I'd love to have someone comfort me and rub my back in these moments but 1. I don't want anyone to touch me and#2. I feel like I don't deserve to be touched because it's an inconvenience to others#anyway enough about me. I am now projecting in these characters#I hate drawing their faces so much#gravity falls#stanford pines#ford pines#young stanford pines#stan pines#stanley pines#young stan pines#art#fanart#traditional art#comic#long post#watercolor#forgot to mention but I can't take a shower when the sun is still up except if I was swimming in a pool/sea. no specific reason I just can'#projecting to Ford because Stan would never feel like that :/ oh well#is this cringe? maybe. probably. do I care? no. not really#I'm self diagnosing myself with 'definitely something wrong but not further specified' because this can't be normal#btw sorry if this is disappointing. I tried my best (the first part is pretty neat imo)#wonder if anyone is gonna read all of these tags#is this the worst thing you've seen yet?#teen stan#teen ford
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live drama adaptations part 2 (prev)
cast reveal and girls movie night 🔥
#i actually had the first three pages done for like. months now. and then i just forgot 🧍♂️#theres one more part to this but as to when ill finish that. haha#duck scribbles#minicomic tag#midoyuzu#and a bit of tomohaji on the side#doodles#enstars#midori takamine#hajime shino#yuzuru fushimi#tori himemiya#ibara saegusa#this is. a lot better quality than the first initial one amsdkjgshdgsmd i kindaa wanna redo it but its already a multiple part one i dont#think ill do that to myself rn akjdgskjwkjgjkd#its been 8 months i doubt anyone would remember the initial one but its ok u dont have to read it#i completely made up this manga and am now a little sad its not a thing that exists#i wish haruno was a real character i could post mangacaps of#thought too hard about it and there isnt any way to fit it into here but there is also a fourth character harunos childhood gyaru friend#also in love w her. she ends up having some sort of alliance with naoto but obviously its in vain too but its all chill#manga ends with haruno opening her dream cafe and asahi later joins her there after training a new team to take care of their old one#naoto becomes a regular there also w his new bf :] happy ending !!!#wow i have drawn Way too much lately. forgive me for such behavior ill probably be posting a lot less from here on out askjdgksjhgs#needed the food for when im away from my laptop for a week....#guess ill never get to finish that other lil comic i had planned for that sleepover drawing i made back during rarepair week </3#does anyone actually read these anyhow. i talk too much maybe
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if you liked omori, please consider supporting melon kid (who recently came out with a thread describing workplace mistreatment by omocat) on ko-fi
#mypost#i mean its not like i wasnt expecting it at this point#omocat never made a public statement about slime girls#and her post addressing the stuff from years ago (which i dont really care much about) was. kind of tasteless#melon kid already points out this hypocrisy but years ago when shit was first being dug up i convinced myself that#someone couldn't be exploitative while making a game that's so understanding and kind to humans#just. man.#sorry if this isnt how i should discuss this#i wish i had the right words for this#omori#omori game#omocat
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Stupid doodles that were speficially catered towards myself 💛
#I never cared much about re6 Leon but playing rhe game myself did something to me#resident evil#leon s kennedy#helena harper#luis serra#ashley graham#dead by daylight#ghostface#danny johnson#micheal myers#If you scroll far enough on my profile you can probably find old dbd fanart#which funnily enough was also my first Leon drawing#ani's scribbles
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I appreciate that mizu5 portrayed outing as a horrific & violating thing even if you’re accepted by the people you were outed to. I feel like a lot of times the approach taken is “well this character wasn’t going to come out anyways so they’re going to be better off now that someone knows” or “everyone accepted them so it was totally ok and fine in the end” or even “it’s actually a relief to this character because now they don’t need to come out” - where being outed is portrayed as something beneficial in the long run. You’re being robbed of the chance to choose when and where and if this deeply personal information gets shared and who it gets shared with, and that’s awful and damaging in itself regardless of the outcome.
#mine#as an example - if you’ve read pjo/hoo do you remember when Nico was outed to Jason#& he very clearly did not want to come out and wasn’t ready and hadn’t shared that information with anyone#& rickrio made this into a good thing that kickstarts Nico’s acceptance of himself & helps him heal#instead of it being awful and traumatic. booo. awful handling of ur first lgbt main character.#when I was outed by a former friend to a group of ppl I knew would be accepting but still would have never wanted to know that info#& had I wanted to share that info I would have wanted to do so myself#it was fucking awful and violating. which she did not care about & mocked me over.
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shirahama-sensei reminded me she has a thing for the teacher from pokemon s/v so i randomly went off on an au where qifrey is the professor. etc
#witch hat tag#orufrey#the first image is qifrey dressed as that guy. i'm glad she has an inexplicable attachment to some dorky pokemon man like i do#someone was like 'wouldn't it make more sense for deanreldea to be the champion' .... well no. not in my world .#it maps onto magic skill. champions aren't like the Rulers of the land they're just the most skilled at this thing#oru as a burnt out champion who's gently encouraging a kid like coco to reach him one day means a lot to me. i like pokemon narratives#agott went shiny hunting for the same thing coco had but cooler - just to impress her. she really is a pokemon rival type girl#pushing myself to the limit to prove my worth to you - to get to the summit first so i'm waiting for you..#and then realising it wasn't just to be strong - i realised i started wanting to see your smile. i wanted you to have fun.#i think coco would defeat agott at the end of victory road and then defeat oru & i'll probably draw one last thing abt that at least..#the image is very cinematic..the dialogue and music in my mind..I WANT TO FACE ORU!!!!!!!!!!#the super cool insanely powerful awesome champion is the spouse of my professor and he gave me advice at the beginning...no way....#btw the elite four would be the sages which is perfect (and maybe easthies as the first guy?) evil Team Brimhats#coustas as their renegade gladion-type figure. the gym leaders would be like sun/moon and s/v combined#travelling around facing the best students from different classes - so jujy and eunie etc.#i've barely thought about 'teams' or anything bc i care amore about the narrative side of things always lol#but idk. tetia with a swirlix - eunie would be ghost type boy - riche with small things but also a ceruledge or a steelix something massiv#and brushbug would have a final form which is really long like an eastern dragon- fluffy and with wings like a fairy. It's beautiful to me#well anyway *tries to move on to the rest of life now the brief obsession has passed*#obviously oru would be fire-type tho and qifrey would be water-type and they set off together and traded their starters etc.....it goes on
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i like zasp a lot
#art#bug fables#bug fables zasp#bf zasp#bug fables mothiva#< sort of lmao#for the first time drawing him I think it went. mostly ok#he has me in a chokehold#this big tough scarred guy from a kingdom rife with political turmoil#and he manages to get accepted into the rest of bugaria#and all he does with that freedom is love his gf a lot#I said earlier they should break up but eh. honestly. if mothiva’s good to him that’s all I care about lmao#she can be an asshole to everyone else. just not zasp.#*slaps roof of…brain* this bad boy can fit so many zasp headcanons#gonna expose myself I fr did not realize it was zasp during that quest until I spied him LMAO#‘this guy seems kinda familiar’ wdym vi no he doesnOH
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their relationship is just like this (it's a kink)
for @theemperorweek day 2 vulnerability | submission prompt
#the emperor week#the emperor#bg3 emperor#mindflayer#the dark urge#bg3#durge#:0 hello internet#haven't drawn and colored An Illustration for myself in ages#was like wao I draw like this when it's not for work??? wild#(I look at a character and go 'is anyone going to spank them and then take care of them after' and don't wait for an answer)#first full illus on new tablet#my art#feel free to yell in my direction about emps#the emperor bg3#why are there so many tag combinations for names
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"Anyone can find happiness. That's the world we're striving for!"
#kamen rider#kamen rider geats#jyamato awaking#michinaga azuma#haruki usagami#fanart#artists on tumblr#comics#kr geats#the more I think about this movie the more I think it was specifically made to cater my needs of a decade ago#because listen— perhaps my weakest spot in fiction is family drama and most of my fav chars have some siblinghood#especially if one of the siblings is a child with unknown powers that needs to be saved or sth like that#but michi managed to become my fav geats char (and so far i daresay my fav rider overall) without any family mention#his first impression was super strong tho and i tend to cling onto those — i'll give him that#while right behind him I have keiwa and sara — which if you ask me i identify myself a lot on sara#then the master micchi special gives 5 secs of family drama onto him aND THEN WE HAVE THIS MOVIE#ENTIRELY CENTERED IN THIS JYAMATO CHILD DOOMED TO BECOME THE DESTROYER OF FUTURE#THAT CULMINATES ON THE JYAMASTAINED HUMAN PROMISING TO TAKE CARE OF THE JYAMAORPHAN#I just didn't cry bc i was on call w my friend thanking foxjesus for giving the banquet i've been starving for#some minutes before the hug scene i was like "PLEASE GEATS LET MICHI HUG THE KID I KNOW I'VE BEEN ASKING YOU A LOT BUT JUST THIS ONCE#and i mention my needs of a decade ago bc of my ygo zexal times when i used to siblingship haruto and mizael EXACTLY LIKE THAT!!!!#LOOK IF IT ISNT MY FAV CHAR STARTING WITH 'MI' AND AN ENEMY FACTION POWERED 'HARU' CHILD
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ALL OF US STRANGERS (2023) dir. ANDREW HAIGH
#filmedit#filmgifs#movieedit#moviegifs#All of Us Strangers#aousedit#filmtvdaily#filmtvcentral#cinemapix#fyeahmovies#dailyflicks#mine*#mygifs#movies*#I can't believe this is done. and you won't believe how long it took me to make it. insane... because it's just a scene#I didn't even use different fonts. or a cool template. or transitions... it was a single scene... but look... I made captures for 10 gifs#and things kept happening and I kept finding little gestures and beautiful things and I just couldn't keep them out the gifs#I mean look at Harry and that slow realization. please look at the glow around his shoulders at the beginning#and how ethereal and out of this world he already is AND THEN when Adam says 'I found you' he becomes more... real and present!#and those eyes and the intensity of that 'you're here' and their eyes and faces and smiles and how Harry's desperate but Adam calms him dow#and his voice when he asks 'how come no one found me?' the realization that people didn't care to check on him. it screamed to my soul#I haven't stopped thinking about that scene since the moment I first watched it#honestly... I wish I could live in this scene forever#now this is a super long post and I know it won't get many notes and it was surely made before... but I needed to make this for myself...#so here it is :) I'm tired but I love it#GOD the way Harry goes full baby when Adam caresses his cheek and he SMILES LIKE THAT! AHHHHHHH!#*runs down the hill screaming*
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