#i dont know if it's the dissociation or if things are just like that
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daffodil--lament · 5 months ago
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i keep remembering and feeling sick to my stomach. it's like finding out for the first time every single time. god i am so tired
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puppyeared · 9 months ago
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mascot
#this isnt vent dw!!! i dont smoke either i was just kinda going for some sort of vibe#i know its usually played for laughs or like. dark humor whenever ppl draw mascots without their heads and u can see the actor#but i always found it fascinating and a little sobering. ever since i was a kid ive always been hyperaware of ppl in costumes#like. even if i tried to block it out id be thinking the whole time 'its not real. theres a person in that suit who gets paid to do this'#it used to be an uncomfortable nagging feeling but now its like. oh yeah theres someone with a whole life story doing this. idk#i think when i tell ppl im not conscious of my body its like. im not dysphoric or experience dissociation but. at the same time#it feels like my physical body doesnt fully outwardly represent me..?? like some sort of costume#i like to phrase it as being a giant hairless mecha and inside theres a very tiny puppy piloting the damn thing#and the other thing is. when i draw my sona i dont really see it as what i /wish/ i looked like or how i want people to see me#its like being in a costume and just. fucking around with some sort of barrier between myself and others#plus mascots arent allowed to talk and i dont really. engage with other ppl in public spaces that it kinda feels like ad lib#i share a lot abt my life but ironically im also a private person..... i guess it just gives me some sort of control over my identity#my art#myart#my oc#sona#mascot#furry#??? is this furry art????#twinkle#puppysona#edit: had to outline it bc i just realized it looks really weird on dark mode -_-
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gurggggleburgle · 3 months ago
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I'm proud to say I don't think Luo Binghe would like to eat his boyfriends pussy. He'll do it but bitch he's not here for that. For 1 Binghe is absolutely the kind of guy who wants to see the whole body come undone not just have Shen Yuan tug on his hair. 2 the man's favorite places to kiss are things like forehead, hands, cheeks, he's a foreplay from the waist up man.
He'd fingerblast to next year granted but Shizun asks for a kiss and a downstairs buffet he says yes but in his head he's thinking about how much he just wants to massage and bite that man's shoulders/chest and touch every part of his skin till they're the same person. He needs to use his hands and teeth simultaneously and not doing so is bad for his health. Man can't dine on pussy alone. Shizun let me fingerblast you from the front while taking you from behind while I cradle you in my arms and scream how you love me!!!!! Shizun plssssssss!!!!
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emberglowfox · 1 year ago
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closing time
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straycalamities · 1 month ago
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back to self-analyzing what the fucks going on in my brainium
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blue-banditt · 2 months ago
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does anyone else have to take like ten million breaks throughout the day?? Like I gotta do it every 30-45 minutes otherwise I can't function. It's not even voluntary I just start spacing out or get distracted. Fuck maybe I actually do have ADHD
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autisticlee · 8 months ago
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sometimes being autistic really separates me from other people. there's an invisible wall that separates me from people, society, the world. all those things can reach through the wall and slap me around, but it's one way. I can't reach them. and they never pat me on the head. nothing nice comes through. and I can't get out. I try to share good things. nothing gets through the wall. they see it as I purposely don't come out of the room i'm locked in. they think I act like i'm too good for them. they are offended and reach in to slap me. i'm desperately screaming and trying to reach out to them. trying to be part of things. but I can't. I can't connect with them. I can't be part of society. this wall isn't my doing, but they are making sure it stays up and making sure they only send negative signals through. know I can't stay behind this wall or I literally can't live. but also can't get out. i'm stuck and blamed for it. told i'm not trying and it's on purpose. i've been kicking and screaming at the wall my whole life and didn't make a dent. the lonliness and disconnection that can be felt when autistic is something nonautistic people will never feel or understand.
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companionwolf · 17 days ago
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wait what do i make a zine about
ideas are ok if anyone has some
(i think replies to this will be on?
im not sure how that works here)
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pickled-flowers · 10 months ago
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Kicking and screaming because my art looks so weird lately 😭
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transfemzedaph · 2 months ago
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i am. thinking.
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tea-cat-arts · 3 months ago
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Saw a post a couple days ago that was something like "the price of wwx staying at lotus pier was his memories of his parents" that also implied Madam Yu was keeping info on his parents from him/ she'd punish him for looking for info on his parents and like??? That's just not how Madam Yu is bitchy.
For one, her beef with wwx isn't directly with him so much as he's just caught in a proxy war between her and Jiang Fengmian. She simply does not care enough about wwx to try and sabotage his life like that.
Secondly, the whole point of conflict between her and jfm is that she's angry that he appears to be trying to adopt wwx and placing wwx above his bio children. Why the hell would she get mad over wwx trying to assert himself as part of a family that isn't hers? Like, I think she's way more likely to tell wwx about his parents in the most loud and obnoxious way possible while jfm is around ("oh? Your mom? She was a brilliant cultivator. Too brilliant to stick around here.") while also taking jabs at wwx's dad's class to remind everyone in the room that wwx is supposed to be a servant.
Thirdly, Madam Yu just wasn't actually around that often. Like, it says when she's introduced that she's usually out on night hunts (with us seeing her as much as we do because the Wens took all the spots). Wwx's got plenty of time to slooth if he wants
But ya- tldr, I don't think Madam Yu would in any way prevent wwx from finding out about his parents, but she'd probably be incredibly annoying whenever it came around to her talking about them
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skeletons-in-ur-closet · 3 months ago
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not to self diagnose but i gotta have some type of ocd bc my thoughts are absolutely ridiculous
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orcelito · 3 months ago
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Remembering that a 4 hour psychological test means 4 hours under the examiner's microscope. I hope they let me listen to music during a written test, but idk if that would defeat the purpose or not. I... really don't know what to expect tomorrow, and it's kind of making me a bit nervous. Lol.
#speculation nation#i dont like to be psychologically analyzed. god i just remembered i have therapy this week too.#which that at least. i mean it's uncomfortable but ultimately it's just talking.#psychological testing they are gonna be Watching me. there will be the questions but also they will be judging my actions#and im so used to masking but that would actually go against me in that instance.#and i really hope theyll let me listen to music bc 4 hours of silence sounds like hell on fucking earth.#but i dont know if that's. part of the process??? put me through stress to see what makes me tick???#my goal is to get an adhd diagnosis but im also scared theyre gonna pick up on the autism.#im gonna be honest. but i didnt plan to get the autism diagnosed bc i dont want the downsides of that#ya know. societal and institutional ableism. etc etc. they might take away opportunities from me.#but it goes hand in hand. and surely it couldnt be too bad if they pick up on it...#i could manage through 4 hours without music but itd be hard. and it could do bad things to my brain.#i think im preemptively prickling up. like a porcupine. i dont want them Looking at me.#i need to just... chill out. whatever comes will come. and it's ultimately in my best interests.#this is what i need to get my adhd meds. it'll be worth it.#..... but im also worried about what else might show up. i know i got Problems. but i dont want them to... know about them.#all sorts of awful invasive questions about me and my past.#for someone who acts like such an open book i really am so allergic to actual emotional vulnerability huh?#decent chance i'll just dissociate thru the whole thing. to get through it.#cut the emotions off. who needs em. the brain can factually answer things without the emotions' input.#anyways im gonna go do some chores. peace#negative/#lol.
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lazaruspiss · 7 months ago
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not sure how i manage to be bad at making a self insert lmao, i always end up developing them into an entire OC in the end
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valodia · 5 months ago
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I think probably im stuck between 2 identity states that feel wildly differently because after learning some horrible news some time ago im alternating between feeling ok/positive and restless/cynical over and over so thats great but more importantly before that i had made a cute song about trans&gay love n it would have been sweet to post it for pride but now i have a boost of inspiration but only for making horrible fucked up songs. Thinking of making an EP of these negative songs. The other day i listened to a vocasynth song about not wanting to listen to sad/downer things when one is sad, and instead needing nice things to be cheered up. I think about it all the time lmfao. I wanna make a song like me no i hate cheery stuff when im down i wanna listen to things about ### and ### or even ###. Were not the same
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widevibratobitch · 6 months ago
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