#i dont know how to explain these just hear me out
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A DIFFERENT EQUATION - an anton lee oneshot
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이찬영 “ ”the right side of my neck, still smells like you”
⊹₊⟡⋆ pairing. nerd!anton x popular girl!reader MINORS DNI
genre. smut 𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀 word count. 1.4k — a/n. first post of best month of the year!! ( bini seokie n toni bday month ) :3 ( also this is my first time writing smut pls forgive if its not that good i tried my best ) playlist i listened to while writing. playlist
synopsis. Anton Lee is a quiet genius, he’s probably more comfortable with equations than people — until the popular girl from his math class asks him for tutoring. What starts as a study session quickly turns into something else, proving that even the shyest nerds know how to take control.
warnings. unprotected sex ( dont!! ), anton got a size kink, fingering in semi public ? tell me if i missed anything
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the library was quiet, all you could hear was the faint rustle of pages and the occasional cough echoing through the room. Anton Lee —also known as Lee Chanyoung to those who cared enough — sat next to a table at the back, his nose buried in a thick calculus textbook. His dark hair fell messily over his forehead, the part you couldn’t see was beneath the hood of his oversized gray sweatshirt. glasses on his nose, slipping slightly as he scribbled equations in his notebook, his long, slender fingers moving with precision. He wore loose black jeans, the ends brushing against his sneakers, and a faint flush colored his cheeks from the hot air. At 6’2, he towered over most people when standing, but seated like this, he seemed almost normal — a nerd in his natural state .
The faint scent of old books and polished wood filled the space, the late afternoon sun streaming through tall windows and casting golden streaks across the floor. Anton barely even noticed the world around him, lost in numbers and formulas, until a shadow fell over his page. He glanced up, and nearly dropped his pencil. it was you, the popular girl everyone whispered about since you joined — confident, smiley, and completely out of his league. Your hair was styled in loose waves, framing your face, and you wore a fitted crop top that hugged your curves, paired with a short pleated skirt that moved a little everytime you shifted your weight. The faint shimmer of lipgloss caught the light, and your presence always carried a subtle floral scent that cut through the musty library air.
“Hey, Anton” you said, your voice smooth and casual, like you hadn’t just flipped his entire world upside down by knowing his name. You leaned against the table, your hip brushing the edge of it, and he swallowed hard, his eyes darting to where your skirt rode up slightly, revealing some of your thigh. “I heard you’re like, a genius at math. and I’m totallyyyy failing calculus, so I thought I could use some help. You free?”
Anton’s mouth went dry. He pushed his glasses up, stuttering, he said “Uh, y-yeah, I mean, sure. I can help, I will help you.” His gaze lingered on you, your size difference even more apparent now that you were so close — he could see the way your body curved close up, how small you looked compared to him, and it sparked something deep in his chest. It was his kink that he’d never admit out loud, but it was there.
You slid into the chair beside him, scooting close enough that your knee brushed his under the table. “Great” you said, pulling out your textbook and flipping it open. “Let’s start with this chapter. I don’t get any of it!” Your tone was light, but there was something in your eyes that made his stomach twist.
He nodded, trying to focus as he Explained derivatives to you, his voice soft as always. But then your hand rested on his thigh — just a light touch at first, fingers brushing over the fabric of his jeans. He froze mid-sentence, his breath hitching. “Keep going” you whispered, your lips curving into a smirk as your hand slid higher, teasing him slowly. Anton’s heart pounding, his composure cracking as heat flooded his system. He glanced around — nobody was near you two, the stacks of books shielding you both from view — and then back at you, your gaze locked on his, daring him.
His hand trembled as it found your knee, sliding up your bare thigh until his fingers brushed the hem of your skirt. You didn’t flinch, not even once, instead, you parted your legs slightly, like an invitation he couldn’t ignore. “You’re gonna get us caught” he whispered, voice rougher than he intended, but he didn’t stop. His fingers slipped under your skirt, tracing the edge of your panties before pushing them aside. You were already wet, and he bit his lip hard to stifle a groan as he slid one finger inside you, then two, amazed at how tight you felt around him.
Your breath hitched, but you masked it with a cough, leaning forward as if studying the book. Anton’s free hand gripped the table’s edge, his knuckles white, while his other hand worked you slowly, his thumb circling around your clit with a precision that mirrored his math skills. The contrast drove him wild — your small frame squirming against his big one, the way you fit so perfectly around his fingers. “Anton” you whispered, voice shaky, “faster.” He listened immediately, his movements growing more intense, the slick sound barely audible over the library’s hum. Your hand clamped over your mouth as you came, thighs trembling, and he watched your face, mesmerized, as you unraveled for him.
“C’mon” he muttered, pulling his hand back and wiping it discreetly on his jeans. “My dorm. Now.” His tone left no room for argument, the shy nerd was now replaced by something hungrier. You nodded, grabbing your bag, and followed him out, panties full with your own release. the air between you filling with unspoken need.
Anton’s dorm was a small, cluttered space on the third floor of the campus residence hall. Posters of rock bands and a periodic table all over the walls, books stacked neatly on the desk. The bed was unmade, sheets tangled, and the faint scent of his cologne — something woody and clean — He locked the door behind you, turning to face you with a look that made your knees weak. That nerdy boy from your math class was long gone ; this Anton was all sharp with quiet intensity, where was he hiding all this?
He stepped closer, towering over you, and cupped your face with his hands -that you thought were bigger than your head- “You’re so fucking small” he muttered, almost to himself, his thumb brushing your lower lip. Then he kissed you — hard, messy, all teeth and tongue, like he’d been starving for it. You stumbled back toward the bed, and he followed your steps, taking off his sweatshirt to reveal a broad frame, his t-shirt clinging to his biceps.
He pushed you onto the mattress, climbing over you, his weight pressing you down as he yanked your skirt up and panties off in one swift move. “Been thinking about this, for so damn long” he admitted, voice low, undoing his jeans buttons with shaky hands. His cock sprang free—thick, veiny, and intimidatingly long — and you gasped softly, feeding that size kink he couldn’t hide. He didn’t bother with a condom, neither of you cared right then.
Anton lined himself up, the tip brushing your soaked entrance, and started thrusting into you, groaning loud as your pussy clenched around him. “Fuck, you’re so tight for me” he said, hands gripping your waist hard enough to bruise. He set a brutal pace, fastening it each time he thrusted into you, the bed creaking under his force. Your legs wrapped around his waist, but he still loomed over you, his broad shoulders and height making you feel tiny, helpless beneath him.
Sweat showed on his forehead as he fucked you stupid — your moans turning into broken gasps, eyes rolling back as he hit every spot inside you. His glasses fogged up, slipping down his nose, and he took them off, tossing them aside without breaking sounds. “So good for me huh?” he panted, one hand sliding up to squeeze your breast through your top, the other pinning your wrist above your head. The room filled with the sounds of his heavy breathing and your whimpers.
He pulled out suddenly, flipping you onto your tummy, and yanked you up before slamming back in. “Look at you” he growled, “taking me like this.” His hand fisted your hair, tugging just enough to make you arch, and the new angle had you seeing stars. Cum dripped down your thighs — his and yours mixing in a sticky mess as he chased his release, fucking you through the overstimulation until he came spilling inside you with a choked moan. Thick ropes of cum coated your walls, some leaking out as he slowed, his chest heaving.
Anton collapsed beside you, both of you breathless, the thick air filled with sweat and sex. He glanced over, a shy smile tugging at his lips despite everything, and he muttered a “Uh… you okay?” The nerd was back, but the glint in his eye said he’d do it again in a heartbeat.
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#riize#riize anton#riize fanfic#riize imagines#riize seunghan#riize eunseok#riize shotaro#riize sungchan#riize x reader#riize wonbin#riize sohee#riize angst#riize smut#riize fluff#riize scenarios#riize hard hours#anton hard hours#anton fluff#anton imagines#anton smut#anton x reader#anton lee#anton x y/n#anton x you#dailylcy posts ⊹ ࣪ ˖#riize x you
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some whacky/weirdly specific cookie run headcanons i have
capsaicin cookie really likes the song "one two buckle my shoe" for some reason and nobody knows why. besides that most of his music taste is probably 80's-90's rock
electric eel cookie is afraid of escalators, this is a common thing for eel cookies
the fives great dragons all unironically think morbius is peak cinema, only those five, other dragons don't get it. hydrangea keeps having to watch it with lotus, same for mango with ananas. save them.
dark choco cookie is a cat person and also a cat magnet, he can just go "pspspspsp" and the cats will Approach him
royal berry cookie is the kinda guy to plug his nose and say "geronimo!" when diving into a pool or clap when the plane lands
custard cookie III loves watching MLP:FiM and jake and the neverland pirates (slight bit of projection on this one since i grew up on mlp)
there's a whole conspiracy theory about chocolate bonbon being a spy for the cookies of darkness (she's not) and she's really tired of it
rebel cookie regularly steals from lotus dragon cookie and distributes their wealth to the victims of their "wishes", he's also got his sights set on stealing from the corrupt elders in the republic
poison mushroom cookie's favorite movies are those badly reviewed animated films like the good dinosaur, home, and either of the secret life of pets movies
#cookie run headcanons#capsaicin cookie#electric eel cookie#pitaya dragon cookie#ananas dragon cookie#lotus dragon cookie#lychee dragon cookie#longan dragon cookie#mango cookie#hydrangea cookie#dark choco cookie#royal berry cookie#custard cookie iii#chocolate bonbon cookie#rebel cookie#poison mushroom cookie#i dont know how to explain these just hear me out
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"it must be the caffiene."
"...? we didn't have anything caffinated?"
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CHILAIOS WEEK DAY 2 : Changeling
HI THIS IS SUPER LATE BUT ART HAS BEEN. HARD. AND YES I SKIPPED ONE DAY THAT ONE IS GONNA GO LAST BECAUSE ITS TAKING SO LONG TO MAKE.... ill get to the others when i find the time.
Bonus :
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#its been soooo long since ive made a finished artwork... or at least it FEELS like so long#i just keep starting new things and dropping them that i cant remember the last time i did something finished even if its recent#anyways. deadlines always make me stressed so i had to give myself/get 5093839 peptalks to finish this#ANYWAYS ANYWAYS.#look at these disasters#the 'half-foots can hear heartbeats' headcanon is one of my favourites of all time#i think about it alot....#also by the way. yes they imagine themselves here as normal but with the other's clothes.#i dont know how to explain my thoughts on it so just take it as you will#GRRGHHKKK IM OBSSESSED WITH THEM#chilaios week#chilaios#chilchuck#chilchuck tims#laios#laios touden#aaaand im not tagging anything else out of embarassment
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do y'all think Macaque is falling back into the role that Azure and the others put on him by remaining on the outskirts of the group because he thinks his input/presence is unwanted (and yeah his presence isn't really wanted by MK and the others BUT. something about the fact Macaque is placing himself at the edge of the group, the edge that Azure and the others pushed him to, doesn't really sit well)
#Monkie Kid#lego monkie kid#monkie kid spoilers#lmk spoilers#im gonna be completely honest: i think the only reason Mac HASN'T apologized is cause he thinks they wont listen to it#so he's trying to do things WAY more subtly and it's NOT working out#and when i say ''he thinks they won't listen'' i dont mean he thinks they won't forgive him#honestly the group would be split 50/50 between ''forgives him'' and ''suspicious but willing to let him try''#i FULL OUT mean he thinks they won't listen. that they won't even hear his apology and will just talk over/ignore him#or completely misinterpret what he's saying#THAT'S what he thinks#when he was being the villain he was putting on a show. it's HILARIOUS how obvious his actions are a front when you rewatch s1 and s2#but like?? being actually him?? he does NOT expect them to listen to him when he's just himself#sort of like a. ''if you want people to listen you have to anger/frighten them into paying attention'' kind of mentality#not a good mentality to have#it DOES explain why he reacts Like That whenever someone does something that indicates they DID pay attention though#like. listen hear me out. i do NOT think Macaque expected MK to remember the Warrior thing.#so when MK brought it up it hit him like a truck#also why he reacts like that when Wukong somewhat seriously answers his ''you know this is just the calm before the storm'' question#+ when Wukong says ''we''#cause he does not consider himself part of the group. hence staying on the outskirts#GOD this guy is such a delicious pack of trauma to dissect. thank you lego for giving me not one#not two#but THREE traumatized monkeys to analyze
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im so glad im not the only person that looks at seungmin and goes "❓tism❓" bc he is Way Too Relatable to me as a person w autism
yeah..... like I say it in jest but also..... well, yk. sometimes you notice something and you notice something and you notice something and you go Hmmmm
#enby-peep#lol its funny for me personally bc i see a lot of stuff that reminds me of my cousins daughter........ and shes autistic#but everyone in our family constantly and my cousin especially is like Shes you. You are her. Youre so alike.#So you were autistic and that explains your childhood#and i was like Um. I dont know :) i dont know........ i refused it and then i went to the psych for my adhd#he was like 🤨 can you fill out these sheets... and it was to see if i was hitting the markers#and i was hitting them. I was hitting them out the park but i also knew exactly what to answer... not to hear it#so i just answered it... incorrectly to myself. anyway that was 3 yrs ago and i still go ???? why did you lie ??? wtf#so. maybe my seungmin commentary is sometimes a commentary on myself also#but its the same reason being sent to therapy as a teenager didnt work on me bc i knew exactly what to say to be#told what i wanted to hear- youre a mature smart young woman- youre good. id just lie to hear that even if it wasnt actually helpful#and i succeeded. Im a great actress. i didnt want help i wanted to be perceived as normal and i was for a minute. incorrectly.#and probably negatively maybe if i didnt lie i'd be different now but I did and I did it again 3 yrs ago but..... I think ive finally left#idk. my weird obsession with being 'normal' behind- i dont follow the script as much as i did before and im much more honest about how i am#this is an insane set of tags LMAO#so sorry#i dont talk about this stuff often and its An Anniversary today i accidentally used this ask as an emotional dumping ground#some people have journals (seungmin) i have tags on a tumblr post#peace and love on planet earth
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/////
#wish i could be the person they want#they deserve the fucking world and im just. a waste of space and ill never be her and i dont know how to explain#its not their fault. its mine. i feel so fucking guilty and i know ill never be her i cant be emough i cant even be her long enough to let#her out and i cant even hear any of them right now its just me and this hurricane inside my head and i cant hear any of yhem im afraid im#gonna lose them and i dont even know how that would work but i miss my mates i miss being yhem letting them out being out sharing a body#im so fucking dysregulaged and ill never be enough qnd ill never have my life together and i feel like im just ruining their life and i want#to make their life better and fuck fuck fuck#i need more weed
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i am becoming increasingly sure as time goes on that my gender is Not Cis but its like. not enough for me to do anything like god forbid tell my parents. not bc they wouldn't be ACCEPTING but because i don't feel like they'd UNDERSTAND and trying to explain it to them would be too much work when i A) barely even know how to describe it to MYSELF and B) feel comfortable enough being described as a woman/girl/female/whatever. like if im fine enough being called a girl and im comfortable in my body and don't yet feel a need to use pronouns other than she/her then what's the point of trying to explain to my mom that i find the concept of gender pretty much inapplicable to myself/kind of confining and i feel more like an amorphous forest creature than a Girl and i wouldnt mind being perceived more masculine sometimes by society at large and gender questions on forms make me uncomfortable because i'm never totally sure what to answer.
#the other day i was filling out a housing application with my parents and i noticed rhey had a TON of gender options (which rocks)#and i went back to check them out and said out loud 'i just wanted to see what they were since they had so many'#and my mom goes 'well it doesnt matter since you dont identify as anything else' (i picked woman)#and i just. felt so mildy uncomfortable. because like. shes not WRONG. i havent TOLD HER if i identify as anything else because i don't KNO#like. if i pick woman it feels a little weird and not entirely correct but if i think about picking genderqueer or something it ALSO feels#weird because it feels like im not not-woman enough to PICK something else#its just fucking weird man#and like. i know if i TRIED to explain she would hear me out and be accepting and loving and everything because she rocks#but i dont wanna make her SAD or make her feel like she needs to treat me any differently because she DOESNT#(sad because shes expressed in the past that the worst possible thing she cannimagine is her child feeling uncomfortable in their own skin)#(which i DONT i feel VERY COMFORTABLE in my skin. i LIKE my skin and my body and everything that comes with it.)#(but like. idk how to SAY THAT$#)#(and i dont feel any of this intensely enough for explaining it to be WORTH IT)#ugh.#UGH#magpie thoughts#gender tag
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did not write as much as i liked today but i made the playlist for the nanowrimo 2023 project that has a specific order to reflect the tones of the story and that's the closest i get to outlining before a draft so
#idk how to explain this from a I Dont Actually Outline Before Drafting Usually POV but#making playlists with a specific order feels like the first layer to understanding a narrative bc its like i can hear the tone of it unfold#i dont need to know what it will look like on page but i can look at a playlists body#and it feels like i can see the ebbs and flows of the narrative's tone/vibes/etc. the emotional movement#which for the type of stories i write that helps a lot LOL#making playlists that way kind of feels like ive put the story into a heart monitor. its not showing me all the vitals but its showing me#the movement of the story's core#OKAY WAITTT i think the best way to explain it is#i'm a very vibe driven writer but also vibes are very sensory to me#when i make a playlist its not just songs that remind me of the wip its songs that SOUND like the wip to me#i have a very deep sensory relationship to stories + sensory things connect me to the Vibes#and the more familiar i am with the Vibes of a story the easier it is for me to enter the story and then figure out what actually happens#which is why i prefer to discovery write most of the time bc being deep in the story like that#feels like a similar level of immersion that i get from things like playlists#PERSONALLY!#so when i make playlists in a specific order the songs usually group themselves together and it feels like i can hear how the story moves#through those groups without knowing what the events look like yet#playlists and moodboards etc are literally integral to me because stories usually start very abstract/vibey in my brain#rather than a clear idea and i need something more tangible/sensory to flesh it out
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*holding writhing bag of shitty memes*
I GOT THE MORBS, START UP THE GRINDER
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#if you couldn’t tell… ahem. Morbius.#the morbius movie and all the memes that got made about how shitty it is.#that’s what i mean. dont @ me going “OP WHAT DOES THIS MEAN”#beacuse a) not the OP. and b) now ive explained it to you like youre five.#you have now excuse. no possible way to misunderstand me now.#SURELY.#got it?#okay goodbye.#why the fuck are you still reading the tags? post over bitch.#seriously. go eat celery or something#im not gonna hand feed you if you stare at me hard enough#and you look like you haven’t eaten a vegetable in a while so you should probably do that.#oh hey i just found one of prev’s tags. “dumb shit.”#that you? huh?#is you dumb shit?#would not surprise me given youve continued reading this verbal abuse.#do you get off on this? is this your thing?#seriously why the fuck are you still here. what the FUCK is going on in your head this moment.#am i gonna hit the fuckin tag limit before i find enough ways to call you a fuckib weirdo???#IT SURE FUCKEN SEEMS LIKE IT#*shakes you violently* WHAT ARE YOU#… the moment I fade from your mind#i am gone. never even existed. but what if…#what if i stay? what if i don’t let you go? what if we stay here#forever?#it’s only thirty tags… but maybe… it can also be home.#i… i’m afraid to die. i can feel it; im almost out of tags. i know i called you a weirdo but… please stay with me?#looking back… i could have done so much more. so many tags where i never hit the character limit. i could have been so much more than i am.#but in the end… this was all i could do. insult someone i’ll never see; never hold; never hear. and then die in obscurity. just words on…#a screen. nothing more. if i had said something else; would it have changed things? would you remember me differently? would i have been…
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my grandpa was a good man. and it really wasnt his fault - recreationally lying to kids is a proud family tradition - but he told me, once, that cutting a worm in half resulted in two worms.
i think he said it so i'd be more morally okay with fishing? i actually dont remember the context.
point was, he told me this, and he understimated (by a very large margin) how much i liked worms. i was a worm boy. very wormy. and after hearing that, i went home, and i dug through the garden, flipped over every rock, did everything i could to gather as many worms as i could, and then i uh.
i cut them all in half. every worm i could find. all of them. with scissors.
i then took this pile of split worms, and i put them in a box with a bit of lettuce and some water and stuff and went to bed expecting to double my worms overnight. i have math autism, so i had a vague understanding that if i did this just a few times in a row, i would eventually have a completely unreasonable amount of worms.
i was very excited to become this plane's worm emperor.
(i think i was...six?)
anyway, i did not become the inheritor of the worm crown. i instead woke up to a box of dead worms and cried. a lot. i got diagnosed with panic attacks as a teenager, but i think i had them as a kid, i just had no idea what they were. i was kind of processing that a.) i had killed what i had assumed was every single worm in my yard, and thus would have no more worms, and b). i was going to like, worm hell.
(six year babylon spent a lot of time worrying about god.)
so i kind of freaked out, and i climbed a tree, because god can only smite you if you're touching the ground (?) and i sat up there mostly inconsolable until my mom came out and asked, hey, what's up? what happened?
so i explained to her that i had killed all of the worms, forever, and was also Damned, and she took me to the compost pile, and we dug for all of five seconds and found like twenty more worms.
the compost pile was full of worms.
she then told me that a). there were more worms, and we could put them back under rocks and stuff and recolonize our yard and b). that one day, i would die, and go to heaven, and be able to talk to the worms face to face. that i'd be able to tell them all that i was very sorry, and that i killed them on accident, driven only by excessive Love, and that she was positive they would forgive me because worms have six hearts and no malice.
at that point, i think i was sixty percent tear-snot by weight, and i had no choice but to gather enough worms that i could hug them. which my mom helped with. and then after that she helped me put some worms back under each rock.
and for my epilogue: i spent a significant portion of my childhood in trees. and for many years after, even when my mom didnt know i was watching, i would catch her giving the space under the rocks a light spritz with the hose. not because she loved worms.
but because she loved me.
#anecdotes#memories#worms#moms#the hazards of recreationally lying to children#dont treat my grandpa too harsh#story time#stories#babylon#animal death#religion
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kinda funny for my ex to be dissing camp boy when camp boy is like....... actively better for and to me ghdkfhdkhfkdbf
#just me rambling again#i understand my friends started off with Bad Impression of me explaining yeah cowboy hat maybe a republican? but like#now they will not listen to shit that i say about how he is literally one of the sweetest people i know?? and he's good to talk to and is#so enthusiastic and willing to learn things and to hear new sides and like... he already actively goes out of his way to be? just nice to m#there was so much fucked up about and throughout my prev relationship and i dont and can't really blame him for any of it#but like objectively the two of us did not and never could have worked out in any sort of healthy way#and now im like. real fucked up from it#but like. currently i have a chance to not only be silly and gay and have someone to kiss again#there's like. actually potential for it to not severely fuck up both parties mentally because of blaring incompatibilities
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Ive been an adult for awhile now, it still feels weird that I made it past 18. I never really thought I would- but with my birthday coming up I can't stop thinking about it.
I woke up with a song stuck in my head- I havent listened to it in years. Not since my last suicide attempt. The only way to get songs out of my head is to listen to it in full and man....
It's weird, healing. Getting better. I'm still holding teenage me within me like a Matryoshka doll. I'm cradling them in my arms and reminding them we made it.
#i dont know how to explain this its so fucking weird#on one hand im completely fine and okay and actually hearing this is healing and cathartic BUT#then teenage me inside is having a meltdown and im just holding them tightly promising that everything is okay now#everything is good#we made it out#the song has been on repeat and this post has been rewritten too many times#personal but okay to rb
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#gif#cryptic ramblings#in the tags#i keep wanting to (once again) make a post abt how like. im Not tryna be parasocial or creepy or. whatever. re: one joe keery#n i know by making this post talking abt the post i keep wanting to make im still kinda making that post but Shaddup ☝️ i just wanna get it#out my brain. but like the main reason i dont is bc 1: ive made that post. kinda. in some way. im Sure. and 2: who tf even cares LMAOOO lik#i truly dont think anyone here cares like tht n i have a solid. 200 followers on this site n maybe like 10 are actually active n its My Blo#literally im such a nobody ik it doesnt really matter. but also im like. 'what if thats what makes it seem Weird tho. like some loner stalk#'*stalker girl or whatever.' but THEN its like if i keep tryna INSIST IM NOT!!! it feels like. 'the lady doth protest too much 👀' and AGAIN#I KNOW ITS NOT THAT DEEP!!!! I KNOW no one here cares. like No One is payin tht kinda attention to my blog#i think its just bc its a crush on a celeb n ive never really been that kinda person so idk how to Deal. esp in this day n age where there#ARE creepy superfans out there tht exist ykwim??? like yeah ive had 'celebrity crushes' but thts always been like 'ugh x is so attractive!'#n never really like a 'i wish i could date x.' or an 'id date x if they asked'. does tht make any sense??#basically i think im realizing im (i was??) more demiromantic than i thought i am (was???) bc ny crushes have like 90% of the time been on#ppl i Know to some level. like acquaintances at Minimum and typically actual friends. which i thought (still kinda think?? correct me if im#(wrong) is normal/typical?? bc i thought demiro was a deeper kinda connection before getting romantic feelings?? all that is to say:#i dont usually crush on ppl i dont know so this kinda crush (and on a celeb!! laameee) is weird to me n again: idk how to act 🧍🏽♀️#so anyways thats why i keep wanting to make tht post n then not making the post n why i decided to make This post explaining my thoughts#on the post that i Didnt Make#anyways if u actually read all this ur a real one fr and thank u for hearing me out i just wanted to get tht out fr#feel free to dm me any thoughts/opinions/corrections/concerns/whatever idk. this shits always rattling in my brain sooo ya#edit: damn... i rly wrote a fkn essay in these tags... anyways--
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Why the fuck are they making updating my disability accommodations so long. I cant fucking get like any work done and like the earliest I can schedule a meeting to update the accommodations is more than a week away. It's only been a few weeks and I'm so behind because certain teachers refuse to adhere to my accommodations because they are being so fucking pedantic about the wording in the updated policies.
#like heres the timeline#1st week - hear about the updated polices and assume they dont apply to me because i litteraly have the “certain rules dont apply to this#student“ paperwork and no one bothers me about using accommodations#2nd week - In a class that is already stressful enough for me and teacher gets mad at me for using accommodations. i try to explain to her#that i should be expempt from the policy. she responds “well the policy says...”#i tell her that she is the only teacher bothering me about this and she says “i dont believe you” gets mad at me for tearing up/crying (a#thing i do when stressed) and she also tries telling my shes “not trying to stress me out” while stressing me out#i am confused and dont know what to do because this policy shouldnt apply to me and like i said she was the only one bothering me about it#3rd week - different teacher (despite having not bothered me the previous week) pulls me aside at the end of class that while he knows i#had accommodations last year the wording in the school policy has changed and that he cant let me use them till i update it#i send email to my counselor so i can meet with her and we are able to meet the next day. i meet with her only to find out that despite me#litteraly remembering going over my accommodations with her she cant update them apparently. she gives me the email of the person i can#reach out to do so.#i then email the person who can help me if i can update my accommodations. she takes a day to respond and in response tells me she will#reach out to schedule a meeting.#4th week - after 5 days she reaches out to schedule the meeting and her earliest time is the 30th#and well we will see how that meeting goes#thing is i cant tell if im being unreasonable or not#but it really just feels like the teachers being pedantic about the wording#and now im behind and going to get even more behind this week and the next week because i litteraly cant update it sooner#like if your going to be updating a policy that will affect students accommodations maybe tell them that in advance so they can actually#update in time#and not be like “suprise!!! you cant use your accommodations anymore till you update your accommodations and that will take 2 weeks in which#we will still be grading you and get mad at you for not doing your work despite us not letting you use things that would help you get your#work done“
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you parents constantly telling u the shit that you've been trying to unlearn surely is smth
#my mum is very “tough it out” its all in your head meditate and never experience and emotional reaction this way. make rules for yourselfetc#shes the bhuddist equivalent of a bible quotes spewing christian basically. n its cool i know how to control my emotions and shit now but#thats my problem lmaooo. it took me counseling to learn how to feel emotions and im still not nailing it most times#also i used to be so strict about rules i made for myself like “u have to brish ur teeth before bed” that i would stay up until 4am not doi#anything because i was too tired to get up and go brush them until i passed out from exhaustion#unlearning that was very good for me right#mothers undiagnosed adhd most likely lmao and is just constantly teachibg me all the coping skills she developed#and its so fun cuz she just always tells me stuff she struggled with and im like mother youve been telling me this since i was born i GOT I#funnily enough i use all the meditation and bhuddist shit when talking to her specifically#every conversation is me going ok.. deep breath. think from her perspective. calmly explain and address. its not personal. getting agitated#would resolve nothing#and thats fascinating cuz when i moved out i was like oh you people dont receive the training of a bhuddist monk by age 5??#i had a roomate who i didnt get along with sadly who was the complete opposite and had learned to communicate via shouting and confrontatio#like thats literally how she communicated n i had such a hard time saying anything to her cuz id learnt to just go meditate till feeling go#away before talking to someone#like i never saw my parents shout at each other or argue in my life. they usually retired themselves from the situation#when i explained this shit to someone they were like “lucky u my parents fought all the time” my brother in christ youre not hearing me#you can be unhealthy in different ways.#my conclusion now is my mums a cool person just totally clueless on how to raise a child#like i remember feeling very unheard and bad about her becayse literally every sentence out of her mouth is a life lesson#and even if u catch her in a genuine social interaction with u she quickly corrects herself and brings the life wisdom back in#and even if she agrees with you shell go in a ten minute tangent because she wanted to talk about bhuddha when literally there was no point#fuck as a kid with adhd i remember it being torture#now i learnt how to deal with it better but good christ#and yeah just had to tell this to someone because i have the patience of a saint and its not being recognised#like even my cousin is always like you know how ur mom is cuz being lectured 24/7 is exhausting#and fr everytime i talk to her i have to be like “ok. now remind her subtly that you are a human being”#lmaoo#readme.txt
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Sorry but my entire strategy while playing dnd has literally always been "disguise myself and do whatever random bullshit pops into my head and pray" and that strategy has not changed one bit, I haven't "learnt how to use my spells" I literally always knew that I just rolled good for once in my life. Dont expect this from me again
#i dont know why 'disguised myself as the cult leader we just kidnapped but turns out they were gonna do a mutiny'#apparently sounds like a better use of my abilities than 'disguise myself as one of them and act real stupid until they come get me to stop'#i need to stress that i did /not/ have contrxt for the cult leader i was disguising myself as bc id missed a couple sessions#i had next to no idea who this guy was. impersonating him was /obviously stupid/ and i /fully shoulf have died/#ALSO FUCK YOU GUY WHO ALWAYS ACTS LIKE I HAVE NO IDEA WJAT IN DOJNG YOURR SO ANNOYING LEAVR ME ALONEEEE#me: i have a question about armour#my friend: explains how to calculate ac#me: no i know that i just want to know type of armour within each category changes ac#annoying guy: HEARS THE WHOLE CONVERSATION AND CHOOSES TO EXPLAIN HOW TO CALCULATE AC TK ME /AGAIN/#i FUCKING KNOW!!! HOW TO CALCULATE AC!! and even if i DIDNY know befote that point I JUST GOT THR WHOLR EXPLANATION ALREADY#why do you think you can explain it better whrn you domt even understand what in askingggggggggggg#fuck that guy to hell and back#anyway. normal way to feel about yout party member
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