#i had next to no idea who this guy was. impersonating him was /obviously stupid/ and i /fully shoulf have died/

[pulchrasilva]

Sorry but my entire strategy while playing dnd has literally always been "disguise myself and do whatever random bullshit pops into my head and pray" and that strategy has not changed one bit, I haven't "learnt how to use my spells" I literally always knew that I just rolled good for once in my life. Dont expect this from me again

[peaterookie]

Lupin III Chapter 73 Review

THIS CHAPTER. TOOK SO LONG TO UNDERSTAND. I EVEN HAD TO CONSULT THE SPANISH VERSION TO UNDERSTAND IT *sobbing* anyways do you know what this chapter was actually a two parter but merged into one in the aizouban/tokyopop version thats cool aint it

let's begin

the chapter starts with lupin, jigen, and goemon hanging out in their hideout of some sort and they're looking at a plan goemon says that it seems like a job for his blade, but lupin rejects it, and jigen proposes using his pistol, but lupin also refuses

lupin instead tells them to use their heads more, which confuses them a lot.

then the cop shows up and they detain goemon and jigen, but not lupin... he revealed to them his location and it seems that this plan involves the zenigata and the cops as well

the two detainees are very mad and confused, wondering if they've been sold out and yelling at zenigata on why he didn't arrest lupin since that's his whole thing right?? zenigata tells them to SHUT UP!! and wishes that he could've arrested lupin right then and there, but he needs lupin to help him.

then we switch to lupin, disguised as the leader of the evil group of this chapter (tm) and washing ashore off of their island. the members of the group seem suspicious of his arrival and tells him to show the badge that identifies them as the member of this student organization, but we dont know what happens next as it switches back to zenigata's side!

he's interrogating the REAL leader of the group, detained, and laughing at the idea of having lupin impersonate him and infiltrating his group the leader does a jab at the police for relying on a criminal to do their job and tells him that lupin needed the badge for the entire plan to work in the first place (zenigata is shitting his pants)

on lupin's end, the member continues to ask him to show the badge, but lupin manages to steal one from a member and use it to lower their suspicion, for now... he then punches the guy that he stole it from in the gut and returns the badge to him secretly he also beats up another guy for no reason idk why he does that

anyways, they take him to the headquarters and its back to zenigata's side again jigen and goemon, as instructed by him, captured four members of the student group who were hiding out in japan, and turns out one of the four has swallowed a nuke bomb!

the four obviously wouldn't tell zenigata who swallowed it, but instead goes on a long shpeal about their motives

(this is the part that made me go on a wild goose chase in the spanish version the tp version does a horrible job of explaining it)

so basically, the student organization is made up of, you guessed it, college students. they're really mad at the authorities and the police because they have too much control of them and now they're trying to usurp them and demand more power for themselves then the officials are like this is stupid and then they closed all the major universities and now the student group is trying to bomb tokyo because they want the officials to open the university again...!

man so then zenigata's like this is bullshit and punches him but no like aside all the insane shit i think they have a point ngl

so then it's lupin's side again and he finally gets the name of the guys that has the bomb (it's kakuta, whoever the hell that is)

but then the member gets suspicious of lupin again so he just blows cover and tries to escape the island with their boat! unfortunately, it's radio controlled so lupin gets captured by the group

onto part 2!

lupin's locked in their cell and they deliver a notice to zenigata about lupin's capture and he's like GOD FUCKING DAMN IT! LUPIN!!

zenigata tries to use a geiger counter on the prisoners but that doesn't work so now tokyo's set to bomb in less than an hour, so him, jigen, and goemon look out like wow that sucks i guess

meanwhile, on the island, lupin has escaped the jail like he always does, but the current boss tells one of the member to just let him go... or is he?

HE'S. BLINKING IN MORSE CODE. this is what i love about this manga... ha..ha....

so then the guy listens to this message and shoots the table from above to reveal a pair of legs that looks suspiciously similar to lupin's! but it's not lupin! it's a flamethrower!

so lupin tries to escape while holding fujiko for literally no reason fujiko's like ha there's no way to get out and lupin's like ummm no i got a bird then fujiko shoots the bird (see lupin! this woman is nothing but trouble!)

so lupin tries to do some crazy shit!! i'm too tired to explain this so ill just let the drawings talk for me once again

i can't believe lupin's trying to do binary.

[the-firebird69]

And what have you smacked him in China and he has had you hit quite a bit mike two. Walks around the corner of the house and it kept getting hit he has a few suspects. My son says this they're all doing it to you cuz I kept telling him about the story so I can't hitting you in the face cuz you're a stupid mother f***** and the Chinese are killing your people and your clan for what you did I try to impersonate them and you're just like these retards you think you it works you didn't check that's what exactly happened. I'm putting a hit on you Mike too added to my people and it's a bounty it's a good number I want my sons and daughters to release it to goo and oh yeah and for stuff they need they're going to play your brains out back too bye-bye you too mack if you defend him.

-there's a huge number of people who are bothering our son and these assholes are causing it to happen mostly and they're bothering his mom this morning and they're bothering her to do stupid s*** when she was younger or he was it's like 90% of it and the rest was kind of mild and she wasn't really into it so what can you do Mom it keeps happening you can't do anything obviously I didn't say they do stuff and day to day stuff is doing stuff cuz you have to do stuff after but most of you not proactive. And Biden is doing stuff but he gets it now and we dropped him on Max and Tommy F and they're fighting and the McDonald's will be out pretty soon and it's because of the bases they're going to get attacked by the morlock who want the bases. And our son says that song simple Man comes to mind and it's kind of about the way it is and George would just grab his gun.

-and there's a couple other things one of them is said they're very rude people and they don't care for their game so they don't have one it's ridiculous and they're the way of everything is this pile of s*** McDonald's and retards and the max did sometimes but they're going to figure out they need cars and trucks I guess who's a real stupid people okay on your side satanists

-we also have a lot of stuff happening here and there are bases here too in Florida the max occupy actually all of them and their son can't move if you did you might get in trouble but didn't figure that now Tommy f is a direct opponent and most likely the one who's making the message easy to post

-there is this a huge amount of epitaphs from Tommy f and Mac and they're saying we're doing it so why don't you guys go into a restaurant together and see who's doing it set throwing your food around you morons so they get it probably not it's going to make them get it

-we're going to use this stuff on them them saying we don't know what a cloak is and her son invented and it keeps on telling me to shut his mouth cuz it's so freaking dumb it's Tommy f going to make you pay for a time yeah it's going to rip your arms off and jam them up your ass it's your f** and really nice baby you had it's Jason it's like this teeny teeny teeny guy.

-couple things in Charlotte county the sheriff is looking for John remillard and it's for a warrant there are 10 warrants on him and his character and 10 warrants on the one next door and 20 warrants on another character as a matter of fact each of his characters has at least 10 warrants and around 10 characters and they're looking for him today and that would be the max well the McDonald's they're trying to arrest you for some reason and then after Dan who has five warrants and each character and they're trying to arrest him. So our son says we should burn westborough to the ground sometimes I agree it's psychological and these people feel invincible I don't know why they didn't get shot for years so they feel invincible. Or we should move it it's a good idea he says you take a house with people that died and you move it and it will make the rest of them die.

-so the county has a couple more things going on but really you people should understand you're so f****** annoying nobody wants you around at all all over the world are saying it just get rid of this dog s*** here they've got no act at all and they're proud of it just like any poor person who can't do it and they're trying to get you out of here tons of them are pretty soon you'll be out with no power no money and you'll feel how our son did and you won't last long at all minutes maybe some of you days some of you weeks and that's it you'll be dead

-is another reason why this is all happening and it's because the max are pushing for it and they're getting clobbered too and people are infiltrating and hitting them for crimes over the many millennia and it's going on now where they are a lot of it is because they will not shut their stupid mouths they're on TV talking meaning they're talking to each other and planning and their weaklings and their array is getting taken over by us and there's other people infiltrating and it's not going to be long they're going to be underneath too and they've been taking losses recently they lost the whole McDonald thing had three it's almost out and they're losing three more clans, one of which will be out this week the other two probably two weeks later when is Bob Marsh and his plan they're getting decimated for what he was saying and by a whole bunch of people. The other one is Ben Arnold oddly enough he's running around saying stupid s*** about warlock right in front of them and he got hit by the clothes went after and then them and they're pretty big both of those plans were about two or three percent roughly totally 5% of the max and they're down 4%, and leaving only 1% and it's 50/50 but that's bad and that brings a total to you about 16% Max of the population and they lost a couple plans on the way they really at 14% And they're getting hit pretty bad over the next couple weeks they are going to be pummeled in the Carolinas in Virginia and other areas where they are and the first step to do it on the max who wants to want their stuff there and they're building arms and it's conventional now it's heavy stuff for ships and McDonald's is trying to take it and there's three states as thoroughly industrialized below and above and he's got military bases and he's prepping and he's got about 300 aircraft carrier offshore was space Jets and all the armament and everything practically that everyone took he's taking from the imbeciles and he took a bunch of spaceships his fleet is like 1.2 billion and the max is about 10.8 billion and they're pretty big and Max is trying for stans stuff today. And he's upset crying a little oh. And b******* gets up stress harassing us it keeps it gets beat up by the Max and can't figure out the cycle with his returns doing and we mean the retarded man McDonald's clan. And they're going after him surreptitiously and they have collected about 300 million out of 700 billion ships they have also taking about 15% of his big stuff and they're going for a big bite today to fight and the empire is starting to take a notice so yeah he would have now 1.9 billion and is a contender and pretty big but he's going to attack the max at some point in his planning to and he's got big bases in Virginia he has three that are 10x10 North Carolina for 10x10 it has a big area South Carolina five by five Georgia three 4x5. And he's got a whole bunch all over but really those are the ones he's going to be launching an attack from and down below this huge bunkers that are much larger than topside got like 260s in each and a full and the max are up and they're going to after him today

I'm going to publish this is vastly important

Thor Freya

Zues Hera

Olympus

[rayofsunas]

pretending you’re not his s/o. [1]

A/n: happy Thursday!! whew, the week is almost over thank goodness. I hope you’re all doing well and thank you for being patient while I knock out these requests <333 Scaramouche’s is long for obvious reasons (I simp) ALSO thank you for 800 followers, I hit that milestone yesterday ahagdwcsh omg I’m growing so much wtf. thank you all :) <33 

Summary: the boys having to pretend their s/o is their secretary, maid, friend, etc. (someone other than their s/o)

Parings: Childe/Reader, Venti/Reader, Kaeya/Reader, Diluc/Reader, Albedo/Reader, Aether/Reader, Xiao/Reader, Chongyun/Reader, Xingqiu/Reader, Scaramouche/Reader, Razor/Reader, Bennett/Reader, Zhongli (fem and gn mixed)

Warnings: violence tbh (in Scara’s especially chile), swearing, crack, angst?, fluff

Word count: 1.7k

Requested by bestie @mintydump​ 

Refuses (tells people you’re his s/o and compromises the mission)

Childe: for some odd reason, he was sent out by the Tsaritsa to retrieve a man who was impersonating one of the eleven harbingers and you were to go along. she said men were much more willing to follow along, if there was a beautiful woman promising affection, etc. the only problem was, to win over the impersonator, you had to pretend to be Childe’s co-worker. he hated this idea, and the minute he left, he reassured you he would not call you his partner unless it was romantically. so hell yeah, he’ll compromise the mission and will return without the impersonator. he does not care, you’re not his co-worker. he’ll just be like, “sorry, next time send me alone.”

Venti: jean why... ofc you'd be great company duh, but why did you need to be his babysitter on this expedition?!? sure, Venti may look like a child, but this was stupid! he’s loose-lipped anyways, so he’ll accidentally let it slip to whoever that you’re not his babysitter and that you’re his s/o. he’ll be like, “oops.” with the biggest shit-eating grin. he doesn’t care though, you’re not his babysitter grrr. 

Razor: he also accidentally lets it slip you’re his s/o. hunters were after him and his friends, you included (you’re human, he considers you family though, therefore wolf) and he just yells, “don’t touch my mate, GRRR” before ya know, ending them lmao. it never crossed his mind that maybe it wasn’t in his/your best interest to say what you were to him. other hunters could be nearby listening and then target you at a later date. but, tbh he will worry about that another day. as long as you’re safe now, he’ll always be there to protect you. 

Refuses (he doesn’t refuse the mission, but he refuses calling you someone other than his s/o/he won’t say if you’re his s/o or not.) 

Kaeya: he definitely won’t be calling you anything other than his s/o but he also won’t offer this mission to anyone else. he’s more than capable and he can do this without you having to be in danger too. if someone asks who you are, he’ll just cooly respond with, “none of your business.” and move on. he’ll use that whenever someone asks who you are. even if someone gets a little pushy, he won’t use anything to clue them of your relationship.

Xingqiu: he was supposed to borrow steal a book from someone. he needed it for personal purposes lol; it would be great for his collection. and from his understanding, the person who has it wasn’t using it. though you were confused on why he needed to break into somewhere to retrieve it. you just happened to be with him when he broke in, he says it was an accident that you were there, but tbh it’s all part of the thrill and his mischievousness. despite Chongyun warning him that he shouldn’t have brought you, he still did. and when the person who owns the book whips out a sword and then asks why you were brought along if you seemed timid and unreluctant to steal, Xingqiu’s response is, “well she’s my girlfriend! duh.” cue deadpan. legit no hesitation.

Scaramouche: this mission is happening no matter what. the Tsaritsa’s life is on the line; highly trained assassins from all over Teyvat were sent into Snezhnayan territory to kill her. she could protect herself, but Scaramouche was feeling feverish for battle; he was one of the more unhinged and dangerous harbingers, she entrusted this task upon him. he never turned down a mission. plus, it’s your fault you’re even here. why are you here again!? he left you home in Inazuma days ago. also... who the hell was looking after your daughter if not you...?? when you caught up with him once he was well away from Liyue Harbor’s docks (so he couldn’t force you to get back onto the ship, smart) you told him you weren’t some housewife and you missed the thrill of adventure, so you snuck on the ship too. he wasn’t sure how you got on in the first place without alerting The Kanjobugyo (you’ve snuck out before, so he’s told them not to let you leave, though he assumed you used your former title of a Fatui to gain clearance) let’s just say he’s not happy you’re here, but he’s not turning back now, he’s determined to end this. in the end, he kills all the assassins (ofc). on your way back to Liyue Harbor, arguing about why you’re here (you’re losing), another assassin comes out of the shadows; intent on killing the both of you. he’d managed to grab the end of your hair in his fist and was going to slit your throat. Scaramouche will say, “don’t touch my wife, you insolent scum.” he doesn’t have a problem telling those who have a death wish of your intimate relationship, because they’ll die in the end anyway; therefore to him, it’d be like they never knew. 

Zhongli: not many people know you’re his s/o anyways, so if he has something to do, especially dangerous you’re not coming along. he’ll make sure of that. on missions or something, he refuses to call you anything other than his s/o, but if he can’t/wants to keep it private he’ll call you by your name. if you’re facing off against someone, he’ll be like, “y/n, please watch out, I’ll handle this.” he never wants to put you in danger, and tbh even someone threatening who knows your name is a risk, but if they ever found out that you were not only his s/o but the s/o of an Archon? yeah, you’d be on a hit list just like him. 

Accepts (he will do this and won’t ask any questions)

Diluc: sorry y’all, but once this is discussed in full and you agree, he’s going to accept it. this mission is important. it’s not often people travel into Inazuma, so he was very lucky his wine is sold there and that he has a popular, well-known name. shipments of his wine weren’t making it into the borders and he was to find the culprit behind it; someone was stealing obviously. you were to go along with a few other soldiers and when jean told him it would be safer to call you his maid and not his fiancé, he agreed. you wouldn’t be a target that way. if anyone wonders why he took his maid, he’ll just say, “she’s to travel everywhere with me.” don’t worry, after the missions over he’ll reassure you he doesn’t think of you as his maid, definitely not. he’ll apologize profusely. “please don’t think of yourself that way, you’re not my maid, I adore you very much, sweetheart.”

Xiao: he already doesn’t go around calling you his wife or telling just anyone, only the Archons know and the fallen Yaksha once knew (you’re one of the female Yaksha) so being talked into this wasn’t a big deal at all. before, he didn’t run around Liyue telling people about your relationship because you both enjoyed the privacy. but now, having to call you his fellow Yaksha who’s been working alongside him for centuries, kinda feels like he’s ignoring or not acknowledging you. sure, you do hold the same titles (Yaksha) and yes you’ve known eachother for centuries, but really, you’ve been together for centuries. if you’re not bothered, then he doesn’t mind. but if you are? he’s very apologetic and will repay you in some way. ���you’re not a weakling, you have no reason to worry.” he needs to do this task, he’ll never turn away from the people and if you have to be known as your Yaksha title to him and others, so be it. 

Chongyun: it’s not that he doesn’t want to call you his s/o. it’s just he’s a quiet guy and never has told anyone about your relationship; only Xingqiu knows. so he has no problem introducing you as his friend to absolute strangers, especially if you’re okay with it. if you’re not and tell him, he’ll be sure to never call you a friend again. he’s really looking out for your safety, people can be two-faced as he’s learned from Xingqiu’s fantasy books. he wants to protect and keep you safe, and if you need to be addressed as his friends a few times then that’s how it’s going to go. 

Accepts (he’ll accept but he has so many questions on why and hates it)

Albedo: he will accept if there’s a logical reason. for example, if you absolutely need to come because you’re his assistant or something and can offer your expertise, he will accept. but if you have no need? you’re not coming, please stay home. the whole time, he hates this. yes, you’re his assistant irl, but you’re his s/o, not just an assistant. it makes him sick that he has to call you that tbh, even if it’s your occupation. but it’s necessary for a lot of reasons you two have already discussed. after the mission is complete, he’s never going to stop apologizing. “love, please do not take what I said to heart, you’re not just an assistant.”

Aether: he has to be talked into this a lot. once kaeya and jean tell him the seriousness and importance of seeing his sister again, especially after all they’ve discovered about her, he’ll agree. no matter how much he hates calling you his travel partner, he has to. his sister has turned to the dark side for whatever reason and this meeting already is risky enough. if she finds out you’re his girlfriend, who knows how she’ll react; she’s very unpredictable now, a little unhinged even. but it does hurt to have to call you that, let’s be real. he never wants to say or hear that ever again.

Bennett: he knows he’s quite unfortunate, so you going with him on expeditions is just stupid and you could face something awful due to his bad luck. you go either way though, what a good s/o :) he almost slips a few times, especially facing off against a few lowlife Fatui. but then you remind him of the dangers of doing that and you’re immediately just a friend/member of Benny's Adventure Team. pls, he hates this so much, like why can’t he call you what you are?!? he’s constantly like, “well why can’t I just say you’re my s/o already? they won’t harm you as long as I’m here!” ?!?!?!? HE JUST DID?!?!?!?!

2.25.21, rayofsunas 

[kkusuka]

I’m so proud I’ve been here long before 2k💁🏼‍♀️ N E WAY CONGRATSSSSS!!!

Can I have fluff 16 with a twist tho, like “My ex just invited me to their wedding and I need you to be my date so it doesn’t look like I’ve spent the last few years being single and hunting down weird things most people can’t even see." with Gojou, Fushiguro, Itadori and a fem reader? If 3 characters are way to many you can keep only Gojou. Keep being amazinggg<3

thank you so much!! <3

“My ex just invited me to their wedding and I need you to be my date so it doesn’t look like I’ve spent the last few years being single and hunting down weird things most people can’t even see."

Gn!Pronouns, but you are implied to be female! 

Cw: an itsy bitsy hint of angst, slight confessions, reader panics, 

a/n: these were almost criminally fun to write, I love these three so much 

Gojou Satoru 

Words: 700 

You had no idea how a simple piece of paper could make you feel. Awkward, confusion, shock, all from one note that you thought was a bill. 

‘Y/n L/n save the date!’ was the last thing you had expected, from your ex-boyfriend nonetheless. The same guy who dated you for a whole three years before telling you over text that it wasn’t going to work out. 

Well, the both of you never had a bad relationship after, but you were a severe level of butthurt. But what made you really freeze was the plus one invitation, if you showed up to your ex’s wedding you would look like a loser. 

Since you were clearly going, you’d never miss on free food and a chance to have a day off, you needed an outfit and a date. The outfit was pretty easy to figure out, you’d go shopping on the weekend and buy something then. 

But someone to go with? You had about three friends whom you knew could not afford any days off and that you just didn't want to take. (at least you had some last resorts) Then, another problem, if they weren’t part of the Jujutsu world it would be harder to explain if you had to abruptly leave, which was a huge possibility this time of year. 

With that, your options were cut down to two- Nanami and...Gojou, of all people. 

Obviously, you tried, emphasis on tried, Nanami first. But after 24 missed calls and a 15-second conversation where he basically told you to shove it, you were in full-on panic mode. The wedding was in three days and you had to do something about your inevitable loneliness. 

You had to get over yourself, the worst Gojo could do was make fun of you or say no. But, he never passes up the opportunity for sweets, just lay on the dessert y/n!

“To what do I owe this sweet phone call Y/n? Confessing your love for yours truly?” his voice laughed through the line. You just had to ask him in a way that would compel him to want to come with you. 

“My ex just invited me to their wedding and I need you to be my date so it doesn’t look like I’ve spent the last few years being single and hunting down weird things most people can’t even see." you blurt not even thinking about the words falling from your lips. 

You come to realize your words from the ringing silence in your ears, “I’m sorry I just-” 

“I’ll come” he answered, cutting off your apologies. He’ll come, you didn't even have to say anything about sugar or bribe him into coming. 

“You’ll come? Really? Why-wait Thank you! It’s on Saturday at 3 pm, we can go together if that makes things better! Thank you so much, you just saved me Gojo! How can I make it up to you!” you were just spouting whatever you could to thank him, listening to his daughter from his side. 

“Why wouldn’t I want to spend time with my little Sugar? You can make it up to me by wearing your prettiest little dress so we’ll be the hottest couple at the wedding.” he teased, continuing ranting about how you should match colors to add ‘flare’. 

“While we’re there we can start planning our own wedding! Doesn’t that sound fun Sugar!” 

Fushiguro Megumi 

Words: 700 

“What even is that” Megumi’s voice rang through the office hallway. You’d like to know too, you haven’t spoken to anyone from your hometown, save for our family, since you moved away six years ago. 

“I’m not totally sure, you want to open it with me?” you question opening the door to your office as he silently follows you in. 

Settling the rest of the mail down, you take a closer look at the suspicious envelope noticing the name on the return address. There's no way! Why the hell was your ex sending you things to your official workspace?

“What’s wrong? Is it bad?” Megumi doesn't know what to do, your face went pale and you looked super confused. 

“Oh, nothing really. I’m just surprised, it’s from my ex” well now he was frozen, was it a love letter? Why was he sending you stuff, he just hoped that it wasn't bad, you had enough on your plate and you didn’t need more. 

Opening the envelope to see flower patterns and script lettering; you know exactly what this letter will be telling you. Just as you suspect a date plastered on the card along with two all familiar names flood your senses. 

“He’s getting married!” you couldn't believe it, why would he invite his high school ex to his wedding, it was an odd choice, to say the least. 

“That’s cool I guess, anyway I gotta go, have fun,” he murmured leaving the room and letting to wonder if you were even going to show up in the first place, but at the moment you send an email and reserve a spot for yourself and admittedly a plus one that didn’t exist. 

You would figure it out in due time!

 ❍❍❍

You did not figure anything out and the wedding was tomorrow. No one in their right mind would drop everything to come to some random wedding. Your point proved when Itadori explained he had plans to go see a movie marathon with Jumpei that he just couldn’t cancel. 

Not even Nobara would spare you some mercy, she and Maki were having a pre-planned girls' day, one that you would be going to if you hadn't agreed to go to some random wedding. 

Now you could only pray that Mehgumi felt enough pity that he would go with you. Deciding that a call would be too impersonal and would be easier to say no over, you make your way to his apartment with a box of dumplings that you knew he loved. 

“Gumi-chan? Open up please!” you knocked on the door waiting for him to come, him appearing a few seconds later; hair messy in sweatpants and a black tank-top. No- this isn’t about his body, it could be, but you had to get this settled first. 

“Uh? Did I miss something? Why are you here?” his questions break you from your stare as you shove the food in his arms, gathering all the courage you could muster. 

“These are for you and all you need to do is hear me out, please? I would really like you too!” you beg, watching as he silently commanded for you to continue. 

“As you know, my ex just invited me to their wedding and I need you to be my date so it doesn’t look like I’ve spent the last few years being single and hunting down weird things most people can’t even see." you kept your head low as you explained to him what had happened, “I really need you to do this for me, I'll give you anything I swear! Just help me this once!” 

“Why do you need me?” he mumbled, commanding your attention back onto his face. 

“Because it’ll be fun and you need to get out.” ‘and this is my way of asking you out but not asking you at the same time’ goes unsaid.

“Fine, but you have to come to dinner with me the next time my dad asks.” that was it you, ultimatum, an easy one too. 

“Deal! Now we have to match or it’ll look stupid, and we have to practice dancing and-” 

“Dear Lord, what did I get into” 

Itadori Yuji 

Words: 600 

You’d pinned the invitation above your bed as a constant reminder that you had to do something. 

Not that you cared what your ex thought of you at their wedding, but something deep inside wanted to show him that you were happy without him. 

And the only way to do that was to shove a hot guy down his throat; better yet, a totally hot guy that was into you. Now all you needed was a hot guy to be into you. 

Well, you had a hot guy to go with you. In a desperate plea, you had asked your good friend Itadori, formally known as the vessel of another somewhat friend Sukuna, and he had agreed. 

Just thinking about it made you cringe a bit; you had been freaking out and ran to his apartment, drenched in rain. 

“My ex just invited me to their wedding and I need you to be my date so it doesn’t look like I’ve spent the last few years being single and hunting down weird things most people can’t even see," you explained frantically, waving your hands. Watching his face contort into every human emotion you could think of, before spreading into a smile. 

“Of course I’ll come with you! It sounds like a blast!” of course Sukuna had a few choice words to say about that, something along the lines of, ‘you're not dragging me to some stupid event because you're lonely! I refuse!” 

And he continued to complain throughout the night of planning and the next morning when you told him he was going whether he wanted to or not and he told you he’d rather die. 

“This Wench will not dictate my life!” he spoke through a mouth on Yuji’s cheek, eye slit glaring in your direction. 

“And I’m not letting some lame demon tell me what I can and can’t do with my friend!” you argued back. 

But he didn't have a say anyway. 

Now you were standing before a mirror, admiring how your dress wrapped around your body, waiting for Itadori to come to the door. 

Hearing the knocks on your door, you grab a small bag and your invitations and your plus one, opening the door to Yuji in a three-piece black suit, staring at you with wide eyes. 

“You look great-” 

“You look crazy beautiful-” 

Both of you freeze at the word mix-up, then breaking into laughter as you loop your arm through his outstretched one. 

“Seriously you look great, y/n. You have that guy wishing he’d never let you go! Wait then you wouldn’t be with me, so just make him miss you a bit but not too much!” he stammered out as you continued your way to his car. 

“You are the worst two humans in existence.” 

[devildomwriter]

Obey Me As Tumblr #7

Mammon: How dare you reblog my posts but not follow me

Lucifer: If you find a gold bar in a trash bag will you take the whole trash can or just the gold bar

Mammon: The fuck

•

Leviathan: Every computer needs a cleaning keyboard mode where the keys would be inactive while you wipe them down

Barbatos: Why not just clean it whole the computer is shut down?

Leviathan: While the computer is what now?

•

Mammon: I fucked up a job interview so bad today they asked me why I wanted to work at this fast food restaurant and I blanked and said when I was little I liked their French fries and wanted to be the French Fry King

Mammon: I got the job

•

Leviathan: If “evolution” is so perfect then why can’t I hear the tv when I eat chips??????????

•

Mammon: Tumblr is so awful. You have all these people making up obviously fake stories for attention and no one pays attention to real heroes, like me, who beat up a volcano

Solomon: Why is nobody talking about this?

•

Mammon: Pros of wearing all black: looks so badass

Cons: everyone knows I ate powdered donuts

Lucifer: This didn’t go the direction I expected. It was much better.

•

Mammon: How the hell do you get “Dick” from “Richard”

Satan: You ask him nicely

Lucifer: I needed ibuprofen after this

•

Lucifer: We are gathered here today because SOMEBODY *glares at coffin* couldn’t stay alive

•

Leviathan:

You: that’s is a nice ass shirt

Me: thank you but, to be honest, it’s called “pants” not “ass shirt”

Leviathan: Thanks for enjoying this joke everyone

•

Leviathan: DAD I’M AN ADULT I CAN STAY OUT AS LATE AS I WANT but please schedule my dentist appointment

•

Simeon: What’s ET short for?

Mammon: Because he’s got little legs

•

Belphegor: I just left my job. I couldn’t work for that man after what he said to me.

Mammon: What did he say?

Belphegor: “You’re fired.”

•

MC: When my boyfriend told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down

•

MC:

Demon: hey I bought your soul on Craigslist last week

Me: no returns

Demon: please, it’s making me sad

•

Leviathan: What are the strongest days of the week

Leviathan: Saturday and Sunday the rest are weekdays

Leviathan: Stop unfollowing me

•

Mephistopheles: Everyday is leg day when you’re running from your problems

•

Leviathan:

People who tell me I shouldn’t drink lava: the media

People who lie: the media

Conclusion: I am going to drink lava

Solomon: I am a geologist with no association to the media and I would not recommend drinking lava

Mephistopheles: Get a load of Big Guy Geology trying to oppress the voice of the people. Teach the controversy. Drink the lava.

•

Belphegor: My mind says college but my heart says isolated sheep herder in Iceland

•

Mammon: Home is where you fully understand how the shower works

•

Asmodeus: I wanna be hot enough to make people question their sexual orientation

Leviathan: I’m ugly enough to make people question their sexual orientation

•

Asmodeus: Your blog is amazing and I love following, but why are you tagging rocks as sexy?

Simeon: Hey, someone noticed! I’m doing it because the idea of someone searching for porn and finding a rock instead is funny to me

•

Satan: Porn gives young people an unrealistic and unhealthy idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house

•

Mephistopheles: i encourage you to do whatever you want until someone kills you. this has worked out spectacularly for me

•

Belphegor: tbh if someone just handed me a pressure washer and set me loose in the streets i would go into a trance and just start hosing shit down indiscriminately. it's not a question of how much i could clean, but how long until i get hit by a car and die

•

Leviathan: I feel bad for teachers because I distinctly remember my brother bursting into tears one when he was grading papers and he was just mumbling “they’re so goddamn stupid.” over and over

Mammon: Every time I read this I laugh a little harder

Last • Next

[lunar-wandering]

Impersonate - Chapter 2

i did not expect you guys to jump on this AU like this but. your energy gives me energy so. here’s chapter 2 for the Doppelganger AU fanfic.

read on ao3

-

MK, surprisingly, was the first person awake in the morning. He could tell he was the first one awake mainly by the fact that he couldn't hear anybody else moving around, Pigsy would always start making breakfast, Sandy would make tea, so on and so forth. The silence meant he was the only one awake.

Usually, MK would just go back to sleep, and wake up again later, once everyone else was awake.

One glance at the clock showed that it would be pointless for him to do that anyways, Pigsy or Sandy would probably be awake soon, so it didn't matter.

MK figured he might as well head out into the kitchen to wait, instead of sit in his room with nothing to do.

...Which was how he found Macaque, sound asleep, head resting on the kitchen table.

For a moment MK paused, unsure of how to proceed. He still didn't exactly trust Macaque, though the shadow monkey had yet to do anything other than pretend to be Wukong.

....MK was going to opt to just ignore him, when he suddenly heard movement coming from one of the other rooms.

This, of course, typically wouldn't be a problem, it meant that somebody else was awake, and that MK would soon have somebody to talk to. However, Macaque was asleep. Which meant his glamors where down, very much revealing him to not be the Monkey King.

MK had promised that he wouldn't let the others find out, and he wasn't exactly one for breaking promises.

One of Macaque's ears twitched, (and MK mentally noted that- he was absolutely going to bring up the real six ears thing later-), and for a moment MK hoped that the sound of someone moving had been enough to wake him up.

But other than the ear twitch, Macaque didn't move, and no glamors went up.

...Shit. Looks like MK was on his own for this one then.

He debated whether or not he should just wake Macaque up himself, but he knew, for a fact, that Macaque hadn't been sleeping well. He was using a glamor to hide it, but MK recognized the tired motions, as much as Macaque had tried to cover it up. (The reason MK could recognize it at all is because he'd gone through some sleepless nights himself, but that was a problem for a later date.)

MK couldn't find it in himself to interrupt Macaque's rest.

But he was going to come up with a solution quick, as he could hear a door slide open.

MK did the first thing he could think of and grabbed a nearby blanket, throwing it over top of Macaque, effectively hiding him from view.

Just in time for Sandy to walk into the kitchen.

"Ah, MK, normally don't see you up this early. Everything okay?" He asked, and upon receiving a hurried nod in response, turned his attention to the other person in the room. "..Who's under the blanket?"

"Ma- Monkey King is!" MK hastily corrected himself, "I think he uh. Must've stayed up all night or something."

-

Macaque had, in fact, stayed up all night.

He'd been restless, MK knew now, he had no idea what the kid would do with that knowledge, in fact, it had been rather stupid and careless for Macaque to have volunteer the information so freely. But Macaque had been, well, slightly sleep deprived for a while, so maybe a few slips made sense-

But still. He had no idea if MK would actually hold true to his word on not telling anyone else. He was sure the kid had a rule about promises, most hero-types tended to after all, but did that rule extend to villains?

Macaque wasn't sure.

He had no idea he had even fallen asleep until he'd woken up. At first he panicked, wanting to shoot upright, but held back upon sensing something over top of his head. For a moment, in his half awake state, he wondered if he'd been captured again- but then his senses came back to him, and he realized that it was just a blanket. A very soft blanket at that, and Macaque almost wanted to fall back asleep-

"Who's under the blanket?"

Macaque tensed. In his brief panic, he had completely forgotten that something must've woken him up.

"Ma- Monkey King is!"

Oh wow was the kid bad at lying. He'd have to give Wukong a piece of his mind the next time he saw him, really, not even teaching the kid the most basic of basics- being able to fool your opponent could be a life saver in the right situation.

....He could teach the kid himself-

Macaque squashed that thought before it could even fully form.

As it was though. MK and Sandy were obviously both in the kitchen. A quick check and he could hear Pigsy, Tang, and Mei still in their rooms, sleeping peacefully.

He tuned back in to Sandy and MK, and found that MK was rambling, stumbling over his words, trying to explain why 'Sun Wukong' was sleeping at the kitchen table, with a blanket covering him. It was starting to get to the point where it just sounded ridiculous, and Macaque sighed. He'd have to take this into his own hands apparently.

Casting an glamor over his head, (he was too tired to do his whole body, besides, the blanket would cover most of him so long as he was careful), Macaque sat up.

"...Shut up." He muttered, effectively quieting the kid. "It's far too early for this."

Not exactly a lie, he was tired.

"Ah, sorry, did we wake you up?" Sandy asked.

"Yes." Macaque hissed, before catching himself. "Uh, I mean, it's fine. Doesn't matter. I would've woken up soon anyways."

That was a lie, with the way he was feeling right now, he probably would've slept through the whole day without intervention.

Sandy hummed in response, setting a kettle onto the stove, and pulling some tea and coffee out of the cupboard.

"How do you like your coffee, Macaque?" He asked.

"Black- wait." Macaque paused, as the whole sentence registered in his head, and he could hear MK quietly gasp. "Wait. How did you-"

"It wasn't all that hard." Sandy said, sitting down across from him at the table. "Unlike the others, I do know Monkey King."

"No no no, I need, I need you to tell me where I slipped up, how I made it obvious-" Macaque vaguely was aware he was rambling, but he felt the situation warranted it. "Seriously, tell me right now so I can fix it right now, I can't let anyone else find out- it's bad enough that I told MK-"

"Should I be offended by that?" MK asked, interrupting Macaque's rambling. "I feel like I should be offended by that."

"Shush, kid, the ancient demons are talking." Macaque said, which turned out to be a mistake.

"Ancient demo- what do you mean 'ancient demons'?" MK asked, turning to look at Sandy. "What- what does he mean by ancient demons???"

Sandy said nothing, whistling innocently, and Macaque sighed, letting his glamor fall down, (although he kept the one on his ears and his scar),  as he rested his head on the table.

Fuck, he was too tired for this.

"He's Sha Wujing." Macaque mumbled, "Wukong's brother."

"What?!"

Macaque tuned out MK and Sandy's conversation from there, he honestly didn't really care about it.

What he was more concerned about was the fact that Sandy had figured him out. If he had figured him out, did that mean the others had too? What where they going to do about it? Where they just waiting for him to slip up again, so that they would have an excuse to kick him out? He didn't quite fancy being on his own when the Lady Bone Demon was out there, still doing her creepy thing. He wasn't exactly keen on getting captured again.

Macaque was brought out of his thoughts when a cup of coffee was carefully set down beside him.

"You don't need to worry about it, by the way." Sandy said, when he saw the look Macaque was giving him. "I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who figured it out, and that's just because I know Monkey King. I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to."

"....Okay. But you're the last person that's going to know about this, okay?" Macaque said, glancing between MK and Sandy. "No one else can know."

-

A few sips of coffee was all Macaque truly needed to perk right back up. Sure, he was still very sleep deprived, but at least now it wasn't going to be as obvious. It gave him enough of a boost to be able to throw on the Wukong glamor entirely.

The others were all awake now, and were, for the most part, ignoring him, just pausing to say hello, as usual, and the way Macaque would like it to stay. Sandy and MK had already found out, he couldn't risk getting too close to the others and slipping up.

"...Weird." He heard Mei's voice say from behind him. "MK, didn't you say that Monkey King didn't like bitter things?"

"Yeah?" MK said, "He doesn't, why are you-"

"Well then why is he drinking black coffee?"

Macaque choked on said black coffee, barely stopping himself from whipping his head around to look at her, his shoulders tensing. Fuck, he hadn't thought of that, he knew for a fact that Wukong liked sweet stuff, how could he have been so stupid-

"Ah, um. I lied about him liking sweet things?" MK said nervously, and okay, Macaque was once again considering actually giving the kid lying lessons.

"No, no, he didn't lie-" Macaque said, turning around in order to face Mei. "-I just recently started drinking it. I don't actually like it, it just gives my morning a bit more of a kick."

As he said this, he took another sip of his coffee, fake-cringing as he did so. Mei raised an eyebrow.

"Suspicious." She muttered.

"No- it's not!" Macaque replied, and Mei shrugged, seemingly moving on.

...Macaque had a feeling this would come back to bite him later.

-

Macaque hid down behind a bush, MK close beside him, sneakingly peaking over top at the scene before them.

The Lady Bone Demon was there.

Or, well, she wasn't there specifically, really, there was just an illusion of her.

But there was a demon, someone Lady Bone Demon had probably turned into her lackey, there. Macaque and MK couldn't afford to be seen.

It was just their luck that they'd run into something like this now.

MK had, earlier, spotted some fruit trees on the ground they were flying over, and had insisted on going to pick some. Recognizing it'd probably strange if Wukong didn't want to go get fruit, Macaque had gone with him.

He was kind of regretting that decision.

"I'm sorry my lady." The demon said, "I can't find him anywhere."

Him? So they were just looking for one person then, but who-

"I still don't understand how you were able to let the Macaque escape." The Lady Bone Demon hissed and oh.

Oh.

Oh no.

Macaque turned to look at MK, who was glancing at him in confusion, before the pieces clicked together in his mind as well. The kid immediately smiled giddily, bouncing a little-

Macaque quickly put a hand on top of MK's head, pushing him down and quickly putting a stop to that.

"Keep your head down." He hissed, "You can be excited later, right now we need to keep from getting ourselves attacked."

So they sat there for a few more moments, and Macaque pointedly pushed all his thoughts on the fact that Wukong had escaped to the back of his mind for now. He could think about that later, right now what was important was getting himself and MK back to the ship safely.

As soon as the demon turned and began to walk in a slightly different direction, Macaque took the chance. He picked MK up, throwing him as well as the fruit they'd gathered over his shoulder, and ran back to the ship, occasionally using the shadows to speed himself up.

He paused before jumping up to the ship, double checking to make sure his Wukong glamour was still on and fully intact. Nothing had happened that would make it break but.... well. Macaque wouldn't exactly say he was never paranoid.

Macaque jumped up onto the ship, setting MK and the fruit down beside him.

Sandy was the only one there to greet them.

"...Where are the others?" Macaque asked.

"Tang said he saw a village that way." Sandy said, pointing in the direction opposite of the one Macaque and MK had just come from. "They went to see if they could get any supplies. You...do remember you don't need to use the Wukong glamour around the two of us right? We already know so-"

"We should probably check in on them soon." Macaque said, purposefully ignoring Sandy's question. "The Lady Bone Demon's lackey is walking around the woods. Wouldn't want them to encounter each other."

"Oh- are you two okay-"

"Monkey King escaped!" MK cheered, and Macaque barely kept himself from startling at the sheer volume of it, covering his ears.

"Oh! Well that's good news then, isn't it?" Sandy said, and MK nodded, jumping up and down.

"....Not necessarily." Macaque muttered, "We still haven't found him yet. You'd think that, if he's free, he would've met up with us, right?"

"Well, the demon was searching around here, so that probably means Monkey King was also around here-" MK started.

"But if he's around here, then why hasn't he come to the ship?" Macaque asked, "I don't know, it seems a bit strange to me."

"You sure you're not just scared of how Monkey King will react when he finds out you're pretending to be him?" MK asked, and Macaque glared at him.

"No, I just. Think it's odd, that's all-" He said, crossing his arms. Sandy lightly patted him on the back, making him stumble.

"Hey, it's okay- maybe he just got a bit lost!" Sandy said, MK nodding along with him in agreement.

"Yeah! And besides, I'm sure he won't react too badly to the fact you're impersonating him, since he did rescue you- and you rescued me." MK said, slinging an arm over Macaque's shoulder. Macaque didn't hesitate to push him off.

"Impersonating implies that I'm enjoying this experience, which I'll have you know I'm not." He said, "Besides, Wukong isn't exactly one to get lost-"

"Oh, I'm sure he's fine, he is the Monkey King after all." Sandy reassured, "Either way, I'm sure we'll find him eventually."

As it would turn out, Wukong would end up finding them first.

[babymetaldoll]

Danger Days - Chapter eleven: "Falling in love will kill you"

Word count: 6,3K

Summary: Gerard is struggling to keep his shit together now that he knows Joey is going to marry Gubler. New Year is the perfect time to tell the news to the band. We can finally know why Joey has so many trust issues.

Warnings: Cursing, mention of kids being assholes, and rough childhood. Jealousy. Mention of sex. Someone calls Matthew "Matt."

A/N: I don't know what else to say but THANK YOU FOR READING

Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen | Chapter sixteen | Chapter seventeen | Chapter eighteen | Chapter nineteen | Chapter twenty | Chapter twenty one | Chapter twenty-two | Chapter twenty-three | Chapter twenty-four |

--

::: December 31th :::

Gerard hated himself. It had been a week since he finally faced the fact his crush on Joey had evolved into something he couldn't control. He was falling in love with her. Can you love two people? He had no idea, but it felt his feelings for the drummer were getting as intense as the one he had for his wife. He loved his wife, and he would never do anything to hurt her. But at the very same time, he couldn't stop thinking about Joey. He wanted her to be his.

- "Mine?! What kind of sick idea is that?"- he asked himself as he drove around town on his own, trying to clear his mind, that had been a mess ever since Christmas.

- "I have to get that girl out of my mind! This makes no fucking sense!"- he lit another cigarette and held the steering wheel hard, feeling his hands sweating.

He had been a mess all those days, looking at footage of the tour just to see the girl, hear her laughter, see her talking with pretty much everybody else but him. Never to him. Why? Did she hate him? Wasn't he nice enough for her? Wasn't he charming enough? Cute enough? What?

- "Could she be crushed on me too? And that's why she is avoiding me?"- she said out loud to himself, and his heart beat faster in his chest. Could it be? But what could he do if she did? Nothing, he was married. He wasn't going to cheat on Lynz with that girl. Was he?

- "Of course not!"- he wanted to slap himself- "I am not doing anything! I am not doing anything!"

But it was more complicated than he thought, he had to see her that night 'cos Mikey had organized a whole New Year's Eve party, and everybody was going to be there. Even Ray and Frankie had flown to the party with their families.

- "And she is engaged! for Christ Sakes!!"

Gerard kept talking on his own, smoking and drinking the third coffee of the morning. He felt sick in the stomach, but he knew it wasn't either of those things. It was his stupid crush.

- "Well, I don't really care if she is engaged! she could be mine anyway. Who the fucking hell cares about that guy? I bet he doesn't even love her! I love her!"- Gerard Way sighed and closed his eyes for a second.

- "You don't fucking love her!!"- he yelled and hit the steering wheel.

He didn't love her. He couldn't love her. Why would he? He didn't know much about her. He kept repeating those arguments in his head to convince himself he was just a crazy asshole about that whole thing. It wasn't real. It was just his mind playing fucking tricks with him.

- "She is in love with someone else, you are in love with someone else, you have been happy with your wife for years! This shit makes no fucking sense!! I knew having that girl in the band was the worst idea we've ever had."

Gerard was just kidding himself. He loved having Joey on the team. He loved how that tour had gone so far, the energy in the shows, the laughter in the rehearsals... everything. Even when she really didn't talk with him so much.

- "Why doesn't she fucking like me?!"- the singer was acting childish, but he couldn't help it, just like he couldn't help end up driving over her house. He knew the road too well, even when he had just been there once. He had made his way over a million times in his mind, just to make sure he wasn't going to forget it.

- "What the fuck are you doing?"- Gerard asked himself as he parked outside Joey's building. He looked up to her floor with the honest hope to see her there staring outside the window. Maybe if he saw her, that whole crush/love thing would be over. Perhaps it just was his mind screwing with him. It could be an effect of spending so much time with her. He wasn't really around a lot of other women on tour. Maybe that was it. Not love at all.

- "Please don't do this"- he begged himself as he opened the car's door. He put one foot outside and sighed. Was he doing it? He stepped back into the car and slammed the door.

- "You are not doing this, Gerard!"

But he was.

Gerard got out of the car and walked to the building. He hesitated for a few seconds but continued his way. He opened the front door and stayed still.

- "And what are you gonna say? Hello, are you crushed on me"?- he whispered and brushed his hands on his face, like trying to rearrange his thoughts with that movement. It didn't work, obviously.

- "There is no way you are doing this,"- he thought, even when his feet were moving towards the elevator quickly.

- "Please stop, what the fuck are you doing?"- he argued with his body, but still, he didn't stop.- "You are gonna make a fool out of yourself, you know that, don't you?"

The elevator door opened, and Gerard set foot on Joey's floor. That's when he stayed still. He noticed his hands were shaking. That's how nervous he was over her. The last time he had been so fluttered for a girl was the day he asked his wife to marry him.

After a few deep breaths, Gerard walked over to the drummer's door and held his breath for a few seconds before knocking. There was no way back now. Well, he could still run, but there weren't many places to hide. Silence. It seemed there wasn't anybody home. He waited a little longer but didn't knock again. No one answered the door, and Gerard sighed, relieved. She wasn't there. He wasn't going to make a fool out of himself. After a few seconds, he turned around and headed to the stairs, smiling.

- "Hey! Gerard!"- the girl's voice made him jump on his stop as she appeared at her door and smiled- "What are you doing here?"

- "I was... eh..."- he stuttered as he strolled back to her apartment- "I just..."

- "I haven't seen you since we came back from touring. Come in!"

And the singer smiled, so nervous Joey could tell there was something wrong.

- "How are you?"- he managed to say, feeling his cheeks red.

- "Great! Sorry, I couldn't open the door faster, I was in the bedroom."

- "Don't worry"- Joey stared at him in silence and smiled. She was actually happy to see him, just not as excited as he was. And neither as nervous.

- "Would like something to drink?"- the girl walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge- "Juice? Diet coke? Water?"

- "I'm ok, thanks. I just finished a coffee."

- "I also have coffee,"- she said and turned to him smiling- "I am actually gonna have another coffee."

Gerard nodded and did his best to rearrange the thoughts in his head. So far, the only thing he knew was that his crush didn't fade away when he saw her. If anything, it got worse.

- "Ok, asshole, you got here even when I told you it was a bad idea. What are you gonna do now?"- his brain made him feel like an idiot, and he completely agreed. He felt like an idiot standing in the middle of Joey's kitchen in complete silence.

- "So, what brings you over?"- Joey asked, and her eyes shone as she sipped her cup of fresh coffee.

- "I actually wanted to..."- Gerard made a pause and sighed. His heart was about to come through his throat.

- "Hey Gerard!"- and suddenly, shit got even worse, 'cos Matthew appeared next to him in boxers and t-shirt with a big "I just had sex" smile.

- "Of course he was here, you asshole!! Of course, they were having sex, and that's why it took her so long to answer! Of course, you are completely out of place here! now, how the fuck are you getting out of this?"- Gerard shook Matthew's hand and did his best to remain as relaxed and calmed as possible.

- "Hey, dude! So glad you are here too. Mikey told me the news the other day, but I was too busy to come, and it was too impersonal to just call, so... congratulations on the engagement!"- words just came out of Gerard's lips as he smiled, proud of his shitty lie.

- "Aww! thank you so much for driving over!!"- Joey smile blushing, and gave him a small hug- "You didn't have to."

- "Actually, I was on my way over to get a few things for Mikey's party tonight"- lies kept flying out of Way's lips- "Good one, don't make her feel special," And I thought I couldn't just keep on delaying this forever!"

- "Thank you so much"- Matthew smiled and walked to Joey, wrapping his arms around her waist as he stood behind her, resting his chin on her shoulder. Gerard looked at him and did his best to sound as honest as possible.

- "I'm very happy you are getting married. Lynz keeps telling me you two are a very cute couple"- Joey blushed and nodded.

- "Tell her thank you from us..."

- "Are you coming tonight to Mikey's party?"

- "Yeah, of course, we are!"- Gubler answered, and Gerard hated that- "But we are going to stop by my friend's party first, so we could be a little late."- and he kissed Joey's neck as soon as he stopped talking.

To Gerard, it was clear Matthew was showing she was his territory, and it bothered Way so much to see Joey wasn't doing anything about it. If anything, she was enjoying it.

- "Well, make sure you get there before they drop the ball; Mikey is really excited about this. You two have to be there. He hasn't been excited about many things lately"- Gerard looked at Joey and smiled- "Well, I have to get going now, again, congratulation, guys! See you guys later!"- he shook Gubler's hand and waved at Joey.

- "Bye!"- the singer got outside that apartment as fast as he could.

- "Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!"- he repeated over and over in his mind as he fought the urge to smash his head against the wall. It wasn't just the fact that now he knew the actor hated him and knew he had a thing on his girl, but now he knew for sure it wasn't just a crush. He wanted her for himself.

- "So, where were we?"- Joey asked as he turned around and kissed Matthew's lips fiercely.

- "You were about to... take a shower 'cos I have to show you something important."

- "Oh, come on"- she whined and bit his lower lip- "Can we do it again? Just once? A quicky."

- "Nope"- he answered, chuckling- "Maybe when we come back."

- "What if when we come back, I don't wanna do it"- the girl answered and raised an eyebrow.

- "I guess... I can always try to persuade you..."- Matthew wrapped his arms around her tight and lifted her to carry her to the nearest couch- "I could kiss you for hours and see if you change your mind."

- "We should give it a try... daddy"- the girl whispered, kissing her fiancé, making him shiver.

- "Yes, we should... but first, we have to go"- Gubler stood up and held Joey's hand, who started whining again as the two of them walked to the bedroom.

- "You are gonna love this, Yami, so stop whimpering"- he chuckled and watched her taking off the small amount of cloth she was wearing and getting into the shower.

- "Fine, but this better be good, and it better includes a coffee."

- "Another coffee? You were drinking one five seconds ago."

- "I know... but it's new year's eve. We should get filled with caffeine to make it through the night."

- "You are right. I need a few more cups of coffee too."

- "Good, listen to your future wife. She is always right,"- Joey yelled from the shower and missed Matthew's reaction at his words. He smiled so wide he felt his face was staying like that forever.

- "I swear I will"- Gubler walked around the room, getting dressed too. At least he had already showered- "Hey, Yami?"

- "Yes, Gublerneritor?"

- "Is it just me, or Gerard was weird today?"- the actor made sure his words sounded as casually as possible.

- "I know! I felt it too!"- the girl answered in total honesty- "He looked kinda shaky."

- "Yeah..."- Matthew made a pause and thought about his words very carefully- "Yami?"

- "Yes?"

- "Have you ever thought maybe he..."

- "Not Matthew Gray, he doesn't have a crush on me"- the girl quickly answered and closed her eyes for a second, thankful she was in the shower while that conversation was taking place- "Actually, I've always thought the total opposite."

- "Why?"- Joey walked out of the shower and wrapped herself with a clean towel, walking to the room to look for some clean clothes.

- "He is always pretty cold and distant with me, we don't talk much, we've had the "I don't hate you" talk at least twice, cos it feels after our rocky start, we really haven't gotten along"- Joey smiled at Matthew and walked to the closet- "Except for that nap you took together and the movies you watched together alone in your bed, and the times you stare at him totally nervous... I'm never doing any of that again."

- "Maybe that's why he was so nervous"- Matthew said and looked at Joey getting dressed- "Maybe coming to congratulate us was his way to make amends."

- "Or maybe he felt forced to do it... maybe his wife made him."

- "Maybe..."- Gubler looked at Joey for a few seconds, and a little smiled lodged on his lips- "You look so pretty."

- "In a black dress?"

- "In pretty much anything you wear."

- "Not everything?!"- the girl pretended to be shocked.

- "Sorry, I don't like it when you wear pajamas. I like it more when you sleep naked"- her fiancé simply answered, and she blushed.

- "Sorry, some nights I get cold."

- "I'm never gonna let you be cold ever again"- he walked over and landed his hands on her hips- "With this hand, I will lift your sorrows. Your cup will never empty, for I will be your wine. With this candle, I will light your way in darkness. With this ring, I ask you to be mine."

Matthew smiled and held her hand, kissing it. He recited The Corpse's Bride wedding vows, and his fiancé's heart was melting, and her eyes were full with tears.

- "Stop making me cry"- she whispered and stared into his hazel eyes, feeling waves of love- "I love that movie."

- "This "we are getting married" thing keeps me excited about all the future we will share, Yami."

- "I know!"- she grinned and jumped, making Matthew laugh.

- "Ok, come on, let's go."

- "Where?"

- "First to get coffee, then to see my surprise."

Mikey walked around his house and looked at everything he had ready for his New Year party. There was a little tiny part of him that was excited about it. His friends were going to be there, he was finally selling the house, so it was going to be the last evening in a place that, at this point, only caused him pain. He had even spent a few nights in a hotel just 'cos he didn't want to be home alone with his memories.

- "Hey!"- Frank, Jamia, and the babies walked over smiling. They had been staying with him since they arrived from Jersey the day before.

- "Do you need help with anything?"- Frank asked and lit a cigarette staying as far as the babies as possible.

- "Nah, I'm cool..."

- "You don't look real excited about this party. It's gonna be awesome!"- Frank was pretty psyched, he hadn't partied in a while... well, since Joey's birthday, but he was looking forward to having a fun night with friends and his wife.

- "I am, I just need more coffee... I'll make more coffee"- the youngest Way walked back into the house straight to the kitchen.

- "We'll be there around 11"- he read Joey's text and sighed.

- "It will be too late to get drunk together."

- "But not too late to puke the pool"- Mikey smiled

- "Why on earth are you coming so fucking late to the party I fucking organized to tell people you are getting married?"- he said as soon as Joey picked up the phone, and Mikey heard her laughing right away.

- "Sorry, but I swear we'll be there before they drop the ball"- the girl answered- "You are on speaker, by the way."

- "Hey Mikey!!"- Matthew yelled, driving.

- "Hey Gubler! Why are you keeping my sister from her party?"

- "Sorry! My friends asked us to be there for their dinner, but it's earlier, so you won't even notice."

- "I've been keeping your engagement a fucking secret for a week. Do you know how hard this is?"

- "You sucked at it!!"- Joey yelled, laughing- "Gerard appeared at my house today to congratulate us."

- "What the fuck?"- Mikey frowned, not getting what his brother had done- "Well, yeah, he heard me say it at Christmas, but... well, it's nice of him to move his ass and congratulate you."

- "Yeah, I know, I'm just saying you couldn't keep it a secret."

- "No one else knows, I swear, you are gonna overshadow the whole New Year's eve with your news, Bug"- Joey kept laughing as Matthew looked at her and smiled, happy.

- "Mikey, can I ask you for a favor?"

- "Whatever you need, Gubler."

- "Can you finally send me the videos of Joey's birthday at the karaoke?"- the bassist burst out laughing, and Joey quickly yelled no.

- "Don't you fucking dare, Michael James!!"

- "What are you middle naming me for? I haven't done anything!"

- "You two have been talking about those videos for way too long! And I am not gonna let my future husband see me doing such a sad show. He might reconsider the whole wedding!"

- "There is no way we are considering that! You've got a ring, this thing is on!!"- Matthew laughed and slowed down the car- "Mikey Mike, we have to go now, we just got where we were going, and I can't wait to show it to my girl, we'll see you tonight, hopefully not as drunk as the last time."

Mikey laughed, thinking about their very private engagement celebration (just the three of them). They had gotten pretty hammered playing Uno. And they had a lot of fun.

- "See you guys later; maybe we can check the videos with the guys. I'm pretty sure Ray got an amazing performance of Bug singing Megadeth with him."

- "Shit! I liked you better when you weren't best friends! bye bróðir!"- Joey and Matthew said goodbye and chuckled. She looked at him and raised an eyebrow- "What are we doing here, Akumu?"

- "This is my surprise, come on"- the young man opened the door and quickly ran to open his girl's door and held her hand.

- "Nice neighborhood"- she said and looked at the house in front of her. It was more like a castle, a haunted house, or a giant treehouse.

- "Do you like it?"- Matthew asked and kept holding her hand tight.

- "It's beautiful"

- "I'm glad you liked it, 'cos I bought it for us"- Joey froze.

- "What?"- and Matthew looked at her, smiling like a maniac.

- "This will be our house, Mrs. Gubler!!"

- "Oh my god!!"- the girl covered her mouth wide, opening her eyes, in absolute shock- "It's huge!"

- "And it's gonna be our home, to create all the weird little places we want!"- Matthew kissed Joey as the girl kept jumping.

- "I can't fucking believe this!! Matthew!! you got a house?"

- "No, Yami. We've got a house"- he corrected and felt her lips softly on his.

- "You paid it with your work Akumu, it's your house."

- "I bought it for us, and you are gonna help me make it our home. Come on, look at this, we can do whatever we want in this place!!"

Matthew was excited, and Joey was overwhelmed. He had gotten a house. That was huge. But he had paid for it, and she hadn't put a penny. She couldn't just let him buy a house for them. They had to share all the expenses. Sure, he made way more money than she did, but that didn't mean she wanted to be a maintained wife.

- "This is where I want to build our fireplace. I thought we could customize every single room in here. We have to have your music room back there"- he held her hand and crawled her around, laughing, nearly in hyperventilation.

- "Matthew..."

- "This is the kitchen where I will make you breakfast every morning"- no one could doubt he was happy.

- "Akumu..."- she tried to talk to him, but her fiancé was too excited and nearly ran upstairs

- "And up here we are gonna have our room, look! It has an amazing view, and I am going to paint here, and you are going to be my muse, and we are going to be so happy! And we are gonna fill this place with kids!"- Joey's heart kept racing with every word from Matthew's lips.

- "Akumu, I love everything."

- "And I love you!"- he quickly replied and held her tight, spinning her in the air- "You make me so happy!!"

- "You make me happy too, but... I also wanna pay for the house."

- "What?"- he frowned, not getting what Joey was saying.

- "Yeah, I mean, you bought a house, and it's awesome! I love it. I love you for doing it. But if it's gonna be my house too, I wanna pay the mortgage with you"- Matthew looked at her, confused

- "But..."

- "But? What?"

- "I..."- Matthew looked at his girlfriend in silence- "You are unique."

- "Meaning?"- the girl frowned and kept her eyes on his, not even blinking.

- "You never do what other people do."

- "People would take advantage of the guy buying them a house?"- he nodded and kissed her lips.

- "I don't care about the money Yami, I care about being with you."

- "I know that... but I care about not feeling like a burden."

- "Never! You are never going to be a burden to me."

- "I will feel like one if you don't let me pay for this house with you; I won't feel it like mine either. It would be your house, forever."

- "Our house, Yami"- he leaned over and kissed her sweetly- "This is our house"- Joey looked at him and waited for his words- "Of course, you can pay the mortgage with me, but that means you have to make breakfast too."

- "Deal"- she answered and grinned- "I love you, Matthew Gray Gubler."

- "I love you, Maria Josefina Sveinbjörndottir."

Ray and Frank were having the time of their lives. They were on fire with Mikey's party. All of their friends were there from hands and from recording in Los Angeles so many times. It was an amazing reunion. Gerard tried to look calmed and natural, but he was freaking out, constantly looking at the door. He was sure Matthew knew he was crushed on his girlfriend, and he didn't know if he was going to do or say anything. What if he confronted him in front of Lynz?

- "Are you ok?"- his wife asked as she wrapped an arm around him and rested her head on his shoulder. He hugged her carefully and kissed her temple.

- "Yeah, I think I need an extra coffee to make it to midnight."

- "Bug!!"- Mikey yelled and ran to the door as Joey and Gubler walked into the house. Gerard lit a cigarette immediately and tried to look away. But he couldn't. He had to know what Matthew was doing. And Matthew was hugging Mikey. What the fuck??

- "What? are they best friends or something? What the fuck is going on? Why are they hugged? What did I miss?"

- "You know, I'm so happy your brother has Joey"- Gerard's eyes opened wide at his wife's words- "I mean it, she is the only one of his friends that's not related to Alicia in any way. I think that's why he enjoys his time with her so much."

- "Could be... he is very friendly with Matthew too..."- Gerard whispered, and Lynz nodded.

- "Which is great, 'cos her boyfriend won't get all jealous of him when you guys are touring."

- "Yeah, that's right."

- "Jersey!! Dad!! I am so happy to see you!!"- the girl ran to his friends and hugged them both tight.

Matthew looked at her and smiled, following her. It seemed now that she had agreed to marry him, he was more confident around the band, except for Gerard. Matthew hated Gerard. He was now sure he had a crush or something like that in Joey, and he was aware she had no idea.

- "Iceland!!"

Frank hugged her tight and took a deep breath to enjoy her perfume. He loved having her around, and he still loved catching her attention. He would still think of her as a totally doable girl, but the drummer wasn't a distraction when he was around Jamia. Maybe that's what she turned into while touring, something funny to persuade, someone to flirt with.

- "I missed you, kid!!"- Ray said and kissed her forehead- "Hey Matthew! I'm happy to see you!"

- "Hey guys!!"- Gubler smiled at the bunch and shook Jamia's and Christa's hands. Frank and Joey stared at each other, giggling, not saying a word as Mrs. Iero chuckled nervously as she stood in front of Matthew.

- "Oh my God!!!"- Joey turned around to burst out laughing along with Frank. Their faces were red as tears fell from their eyes. Jamia was blushing as she wouldn't stop staring at Matthew. She just found him so incredibly attractive she was melting.

- "What is it?"- Matthew asked, not getting what was going on.

- "Dude, it's useless"- Ray answered, tapping on his back- "They are gonna be like that for a while."

- "Really?"

Gubler stared at her girlfriend and bit his lips. She looked so happy; he had never seen her that happy amongst people. She was always lovely with his friends, and everybody loved her. They were all incredibly excited about their wedding, especially Paget. She had jumped over Joey the second they walked into her house earlier that night. But this was the first time Joey had friends, and Matthew had just realized how much she needed them.

- "I'm sorry, dork"- Joey wiped off the tears from her eyes and wrapped an arm around her fiancé- "Frank and I have an inside joke that goes way back, I'll tell you later"- he smiled and kissed her softly.

- "That's fine. And do you wanna tell them now?"

- "Yes"- she whispered, nodding- "Wait, where's Gerard?"- she asked and took a look around.

- "Gee!!"- Mikey yelled and waved at his brother, who walked over with his wife a few seconds later.

- "Hey Lynz!"- Joey smiled at Mrs. Way and at her husband. Gubler was way more friendly than he thought he would be 'cos he didn't want to make a fuzz. Gubler didn't want to make Joey uncomfortable in front of her friends. Gerard was a subject of a conversation he had to know how to face at another time.

- "Ok, ready?"- Matthew asked Joey and looked at her smiling. The girl was so excited she even jumped before saying.

- "We are getting married!!"

- "What?!"- Frank yelled, wide-opened eyes.

- "Oh my god!!"- Ray freaked out and jumped to the couple- "Congratulations, guys!!"

- "Thank you, dad!!"- Joey smiled and felt Frank jumping to the hug too, crawling Matthew with him.

- "Oh shit!! We are gonna party tonight!!"- Frank shouted as they all laughed. Jamia clapped and waited for the perfect moment to congratulate Joey and literally hang on Matthew's neck. Frank and Joey burst out laughing again, but no one but them actually got what was going on.

Lynz hugged and congratulated Joey, and the drummer thanked her cheerfully. She looked at Gerard next to his wife and smiled. But he didn't really look so happy.

- "What the fuck is this guy's problem?"- Joey thought, but Matthew's arms around her waist took her from any random thought she might have had, as he sweetly redirected her to Frank and Jamia, who were talking to her about the upcoming wedding.

- "You bought a house?!"- Ray yelled, and Joey laughed. Her friends were happy and excited about it. That felt warm inside, like, being loved.

- "Did you call Tucker?"

- "Not yet"- Joey confessed- "I've been trying to process it all actually."

The girl looked at Ray, and he smiled at her so nicely she felt like crying. Maybe at that point in her life, she had to face the fact it felt good having friends.

And this is why she had always run away from people: Joey had grown up alone in an orphanage until the age of eight. That was when Mercedes and Sveinbjörn had adopted her and gave her a home. She loved her foster parents very much. They were as loving as real parents would have been. They always tried to have a baby but never could. However, Mercedes wanted to have a kid so badly, she convinced her husband to adopt. They were going for a baby until they saw Joey. She was alone in a playroom, drawing, away from all the other kids. They walked to talk to her, and she smiled, melting their hearts right away.

- "Why don't you play with the other kids?"- Mercedes asked her as she started drawing with her, and Sveinjörn looked at them from a safe distance.

- "I don't like the other kids."

- "Why?"

- "'Cos they don't like me either"- Joey simply replied- "That's why I draw my own friends"

And she showed the woman what she was working on. That was when Mercedes knew she was taking that girl home and giving her all her love no matter what. And she did.

Joey had a hard time in the orphanage. The older kids hit her 'cos they said she was weird until she learned how to defend herself. By the age of six, Joey had beaten up pretty up all the older guys in the place. That meant she didn't have many friends either. Everybody was scared of her. By the age of seven, she had stopped trying to make friends. Nobody wanted to be around her anyway.

And that's how Joey grew up the rest of her life. Sure, she got a home and loving family, who gave her a new last name and all the support a kid needed. But she had already gone through enough to scar her heart.

Tabitha was her only friend growing up. The only one in mid-school and high school too. They were neighbors, and their mothers were best friends. They were "forced" to spend time together their whole lives, and Joey was eventually comfortable with her.

When she left for college, she decided it was time to start over. Nobody knew she was adopted. She didn't want to tell either. It made people look at her differently. More than usual. That was why she had fallen in love with Matthew when she first met him. He wasn't afraid to be weird. He loved and embraced his own weirdness, and he loved Joey's weirdness even more. He was the only one who knew she was adopted, the only one she had trusted enough to share it with. The other guys she had been with were always trying to be better than her; they felt intimidated by her abilities in music, by her being part of the music scene. And mostly by her independence.

She wasn't a people person, but she could work in teams and make music without being friends with her peers. Guys didn't like that. Her mom had always warned her about it. Mercedes tried to make her softer about her relationships with people, but in the end, she gave up. She was proud she had found Matthew, and by everything her daughter told her about her new job, she loved the guys in the band and how lovely they were with her. Especially Mikey and Ray.

- "With a card trick?! Can you be any more romantic?!"- Jamia's yells took Joey from her thoughts as she saw Mrs. Iero almost drooling over her fiancé- "I am so jealous!"

- "We know, honey"- Frank said and wrapped an arm around his wife's waist as Joey chuckled.

- "We are so happy for you, Bug"- Mikey kissed his friend's forehead, and she grinned.

- "Thank you..."

- "If I ever see her cry..."- Ray started, but Joey quickly moved her hand and put it on his mouth

- "We are not doing that, ok? I know how to take care of myself. You don't have to threaten Matthew. If anything bad happens, he knows who is gonna kick his ass, and that's gonna be me, I don't need..."- but Ray moved and placed his hand on her mouth, covering it and stopping her speech.

-" Frank, can you arrange her next tattoo appointment on me, and get her a nice one on her hand that says "I know how to take care of myself" 'cos at some point she has to get bored of repeating it over and over again"- Matthew burst out laughing at those words, making Joey frown. But Mikey laughed too, and Ray smiled, pleased his joke had worked.

- "Fuck you, dad"- she mouthed, and he hugged her.

- "You love me, Bug, now bear with the fact you've got a bunch of older brothers now, who will always take care of you, no matter what, ok?"- the guitarist kissed her temple and turned to Gubler- "And I mean it, I will end you."

- "Ray..."- Christa held her husband's hand and pulled him back.

- "It's ok, I completely understand it. I still want to kill my sister's husband... though my nephews are cool..."

- "So, what are we drinking?"- Joey said and looked around to change the subject as quickly as possible.

- "Shit! I'll bring you a beer"- Gerard said all of a sudden, just to find an excuse to get away from there. But...

- "I'll help you"- Matthew said and smiled.

Gerard knew he was fucked.

- "So... thank you for coming"- Gerard said and looked at Gubler as they stood in front of the fridge- "Mikey is really excited to have you here."

- "I know you have a crush on my fiancée"- Way's held his breath. He didn't see that coming so fast and so directly. But Matthew wasn't in the mood for sugarcoating anything for Gerard. In fact, he was making his best effort not to break his face right there, no questions asked.

- "I don't know what you are talking about."

- "Dude, I don't care if you deny it or not. You are fucking crystal clear. So here's the thing, stay the fuck away from her, ok?"- Gerard never thought Matthew would be that direct and even threatening.

- "You are getting the whole deal wrong. I'm just her friend."

- "I can see the way you look at her, and it's not a friendly way dude, face it."

- "You are wrong"- Gerard tried to sound cool and fresh, but he failed poorly as he noticed the look Gubler was giving him. It felt the actor was ready to kill him right there.

- "Keep telling yourself that."

- "Come on, Matt... I'm just..."

- "It's Matthew"- the actor said and looked right into the singer's eyes in silence for a few seconds- "She thinks you are all innocent and friendly, but I can see through you, so here's how things are gonna be, you are gonna stay the fuck away from her or I'll have to take her out that tour, you heard me?"

- "You are delusional!"- Gerard tried to defend himself and grabbed two beers from the fridge- "You can't fucking come and threaten me in my brother's house and pretend it's all my fault"

- "So you deny you were at her house this morning 'cos you just wanted to see her? 'Cos dude, that congratulation excuse was pretty shitty, and she swallowed it only because she can't think bad of you. She is too sweet for that shit."

- "I mean it, Matt"- Gerard used that name only to make him mad- "You have not idea what you are talking about."

- "Whatever you say, dude, just don't fuck it up, or I'll make sure you don't get to be close to her, ever again"- Matthew grabbed two beers as well and walked out of the kitchen to meet his fiancée.

Gerard was fucked. He knew it. It was going to be harder than ever, but he had to stay away from Joey. He was in love with her, for Christ Sakes. He felt like crying every time he saw her with Matthew. He wanted her to be his. And that was never going to be possible. He knew it. It made him want to break a wall. Break Matthew's face was also a pretty good idea, but he couldn't. Joey would never forgive him. And she was all he cared about at that moment.

- "No! I care about my wife. I don't wanna hurt my wife. I love her! This is a stupid crush, a stupid crush I have to get over soon!"

Gerard was fucked.

**

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[hidingoutbackstage]

infodump to be about resident evil handsome <3

Ohhhh my gosh where to start.

Honestly I'm just gonna talk about my favorite characters and why I like them, and also the problems I have with them

It'll be under the cut, for those who don't care lol

Gonna start with Rebecca because she's the fave that I have the most issues with. I really like her character, she's smart, she's strong, she's a good fighter, and she's witty, and for all of those reasons she's fun to watch and play as. My issues with her are that Capcom has absolutely no clue what to do with her. She's a side character in the first game that doesn't get to do much except get told to stay out of the way, in her own game, RE0, she's literally the main character but ends up feeling like a supporting character for Billy's arc, and holy fuck is she nerfed in Vendetta. She has that scene at the school making the antidote in the lab, and has a good scene where she fights off some zombies before hiding and getting rescued. She tells Chris what she knows and they go find Leon before she gets kidnapped and gets to do absolutely nothing else for the rest of the film. She's a damsel in distress, is almost forced to marry the villain because she looks like his fridged wife, and is infected with the virus and rendered immobile until Chris and Leon rescue her. Like that entire scene she's just sitting on the table writhing and moaning makes me so uncomfortable. Capcom made a great character, they just didn't know what to do with her (and apparently STILL DON'T considering she's not even in Welcome to Raccoon City) Also, can she not be older? It's impressive that she graduated from college at 18, it shows her incredible intellect, but that doesn't mean she has to be 18 in the first game, does it? Can she not be more adult-like? Idk

Next is Claire. Claire is great! Claire I have less issues with, considering the franchise has been nicer to her character recently. Obviously the peak of her character was in the RE2 remake, but she had other great moments too, I liked her a lot in the darkside chronicles, but also like Rebecca, it seems like the game doesn't always know how to use her character, or end up sidlining her for the male characters. Example, Code Veronica, she's fine, but she's way too broken up about Steve imo (maybe I just hate him) and once she's reunited with Chris she's kind of a player 2 to him. And in Revelations 2 she's kind of just a catalyst for change in Moira. And holy fuck don't get me started on how nerfed she was in Infinite Darkness. She is TOTALLY the B story to Leon's A story and even has her damsel in distress moment with the acid. I liked the ending of ID and I liked the story but I just wish there'd been more Claire.

Leon is fine, I love his character arc from RE2 to Vendetta and all the bits in between, I just think because he's so popular it gets exhausting lmao like Capcom knows how popular he is so they milk it for all it's worth and with there being so many fans there's obviously going to be a lot that I don't like/don't agree with. That's probably splitting hairs though, I do think he's the best-written and best handled RE character Capcom has by far

Jill Valentine my sweet summer child you deserve so much better. She's never been overly sexualized (if you don't count whatever the fuck was going on in RE5) which like. The bar is on the floor but something about Capcom's treatment of her character always kind of rubbed me the wrong way. The character herself is fantastic, do NOT get me wrong, I just wish Capcom had done things differently like not make her version of the RE1 playthrough "easy" mode or not incapacitated her for days in RE3 making her totally useless (not that I don't mind playing as Carlos, mind you) her popularity is well earned, I wish there was less fanart that sexualized her but whatever, and I love her friendship with Chris, definitely one of my top 3 platonic RE relationships.

Chris needs to stop being in so much RE content or I'm gonna go insane. There rlly was no reason to include him in RE7 other than to connect it more to the other games, but his "not a hero" dlc is pretty alright. Obviously his inclusion in 7 led to his role in 8 and oh my g-d I cannot forgive that ridiculous plot point of not telling Ethan about Miranda impersonating his wife. It's so dumb. His rivalry with Wesker never felt earned, but it was always entertaining to see. His rivalry with Arias was fucking stupid and completely unearned (I know they only had one movie to make it happen but still. I love that movie and hate it all at once) Also RE5 is unforgivable except for giving us Sheva so y'know Chris is a mixed bag for me.

Ada is a great character that gets treated like absolute shit. I love morally grey characters, and Ada is a great example of one, and the fandom almost always ruins her somehow, or Capcom finds ways to use her that I typically just personally don't like (like honestly that Ada clone shit in RE6 is ridiculous and totally unnecessary) She's done fantastically in RE2 remake which I love, and I'm honestly glad Capcom somewhat knew to pull the reigns when it came to the idea to have her in RE8 that was ultimately scrapped (it would've made no sense, it was ridiculous, I would not have liked it) so Ada is also another mixed bag for me. I also wish she had more of a connection to this stuff than (for the most part) Leon. Her mission doesn't always involve him, but she's only ever really there when he is, and it irks me.

Ethan Winters sucks and I don't like him and don't care about him and the whole RE7&8 fandom is wrong for liking them and yes that includes my boyfriend

Sorry about that. He's a fine character, he's a protagonist you wanna root for, especially in 8, but man do he and his story get on my nerves.

Alcina was just fanservice and gamerbait and for that reason I can't bring myself to like her, sorry guys. Same goes for Heisenberg even though he was less fanservice-y and a little more interesting than Alcina

Yeah that's all I got, if you read through all this, I am kissing you on the mouth

[angelmichelangelo]

i’m about five years too late and nobody asked for this except me and i need to just get this out of my brain because it’s 2am so here’s a list of things i wish happened on glee that didn’t HERE WE GO:

- new directions being actual teenagers. just them hanging out. going to group sleepovers. giant study sessions (because school exists in this universe?) like remember in tpp when they were eating lunch together ? that’s what i wanted MORE of. just them being actual friends. a sleepover episode is all i wanted imagine all the abba songs we could have gained from that episode

- a halloween themed episode. the closest to this that we got was the ‘thriller/heads will roll’ mashup which YES was iconic but im greedy and it’s not enough. my idea for a halloween episode is that the gang gets trapped inside the school after staying behind to idk rehearse? or something? and then things get progressively worse as they start to go a little mad, thinking the school is haunted and they split up into pairs trying to find an escape and they think they’re seeing ghosts/someone lurking around the school and they’re getting real spooked but it turns out it’s just sue fucking with them lmao

- kurt and finn being brothers. THE POTENTIAL WAS THERE and sadly after furt we are left with crumbs. why ?? WHY?? little moments like finn saying that he’s driving back home with kurt or them saying they can’t do something because they have a family thing would have been good enough. more scenes of them hanging out in their home with their parents would have been *chefs kiss* but alas. it never happened because glee writers are bastards

- based off my last point: sam actually living at the hudson-hummel house because he actually did live there? but nothing is ever said like what’s the dynamic there why weren’t kurt and sam and finn close if they all lived together for what? like a year? was sam living in the mf shed? did he ever get close to carole and burt?? where tf did he live when everyone went off to college did he just stay in their house lol who knows not me LMAO

- blaine dealing with his trauma ? mental health was never dealt with very well on this show. emma’s ocd was just ignored after she got married or whatever and blaine mentioned his trauma once and then it was ignored until it was mentioned in passing a few seasons later and even he just brushed it off and it was never brought up again like wtf. i have no idea how they wrote a whole episode about hate crime in bash and they never once thought to have blaine and kurt have a single conversation together, let alone a conversation about how they’d both been victims of a hate crime. AND THE ONLY TIME BLAINE DOES MENTION IT IS IN TESTED WHERE ITS JUST USED AS A REASON FOR THEM TO FIGHT AAAAAAAA no wait im calm it’s okay. i just would have liked to have seen kurt and blaine have an emotional moment together in that episode that didn’t include blaine singing and kurt being knocked tf out. just sayin.

- kurt dealing with HIS trauma !! again, glee gets bad points for talking about mental health and it just is crazy that they had so much potential with kurt, ie: depression, anxiety, ocd (kinda?) his bullying, being literally assaulted (i see u ryan murphy taking that whole plot line so loosely mmhm) and then shoehorning in the fact that he was suicidal AT THE SECOND TO LAST EPISODE when they had a whole episode about suicide and they could have mentioned it at any time but ofc they didn’t because the writers just wanted to shove in as much as they could in the flashback episode AYE AYE AYE the potential!!!! oof.

- literally just more tina. jenna ushkowitz is a fantastic actor/singer/preformer and she was criminally underused. i like the episode props because of two reasons: one. everyone switching characters was amazing. and two. some actual tina scenes. even if she.. technically was rachel but also herself or something? either way. i digress

- this is just in general but MORE ABBA AND ALSO THE CARPENTERS and also some sound of music songs would have worked GREAT but they already had like a million songs and as the show progressed they veered away from old songs and more towards popular songs at the time to help chart numbers blah blah blah whatever it’s cool. but also how did they only do a few abba songs that is criminal

- a more fleshed out ending that wasn’t so rushed. like rachel won a tony and everyone else is just? there? why is sam at mr shue’s house ??? how did artie get up the stairs? did quinn graduate from yale? and where tf was kurt and blaine’s child during ‘i lived’ because burt and carole are vibing in the audience and rachel isn’t pregnant so like? is the baby just?? alone somewhere in the wings?! lmao where are u bby girl!! but once again i know they didn’t have the time to do it so idk it’s fine what they did it just sucks we didn’t get more! but again. fanfic exists so yah im all good

- more of blaine’s mum. or mom, in this case i guess. why cast gina gershon and then give her ONE line like ? ik there was a whole deleted script that explained why she was there but i love that up until that point blaine seemed like he genuinely murdered his parents, lived in their big house all alone and when people got suspicious he just told them that they were “out of town” :) either way pam is great i love her and i wish she had more to do in the one episode she was ever in. not even a moment with blaine?? wasted.

- more of cooper anderson, matt boomer is so fucking funny everytime i think of the emotion tornado i bust a lung laughing like it’s so fucking stupid but oh my good i love it. (and if you haven’t watched the special feature of cooper’s transformers audition tape please please watch it because it’s just so funny.) ik he was just a special guest but i wish they got him back for at least the wedding ep but guess my mans was just busy. boo ;(

- going back a couple of points, i wish they’d done a whole episode like props. every actor here just shines when they’re impersonating each other. finn and puck as kurt and blaine is beautiful and quinn and sugar is incredible. also idk why they refused kevin the right to wear the cheerios skirt; they could have put a little more effort into some characters but that’s glee for ya lmao but yeah. a whole episode like that would have been so much fun

- they should have let chris colfer write more episodes. purely for the fact that he wrote with his own bare hands the whole scene where lea michelle’s character gets dragged down a road by dogs. this guy. it’s a shame he only got to write one since he actually did a really good job! i would have loved to have seen what other episode ideas he had :)

- glee in the summer! obviously it only was centred around the school year but after season 3 who honestly gave a shit about the glee club and mckinley lmao i wanna see them in SHORT SHORTS and POOL PARTIES but nope we just got september - june so like rip all my hopes and dreams

- WHAT HAPPENED TO DALTON? bitch just burst into flames ?? and for WHAT?? oh yeah plot convenience smh this is so sad i wish they’d either written something better than “we need the warblers to team up with new directions so uhhh the school burnt down” like. it’s a private school. if the school is gone and they’re just staying at mckinley what are the parents paying for? they’re just cool with sending their kids off to public school now? every adult in this universe has been murdered by these kids, haven’t they? they’re just doing whatever they want jfc

- a wedding was a good episode. ish. and yknow, huge kudos to them because gay marriage wasn’t legal in the us at the time so im less harsh on the fact that they definitely threw up the rainbow flags and made it less about the characters getting married and more so “we have gay characters and look they’re getting married what a concept” but i do wish we could have gotten some more married!klaine since they don’t really have much to do after this understandably but a little moment alone together after the wedding would have been nice :) IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE IM TELLING YOU

- get rid of the hummelberry friendship and send mercedes to new york instead. i have nothing else to add to this other than the fact that i mourn the fact that kurt and mercedes went from bffs to just. school mates. this is tragic this is traaaaagic !! and all for more of the rachel berry show smh

- every day i wonder what was going through carmen tibideaux mind when she watched the kurt hummel preform not the boy next door and was like :) and then watched rachel berry have a breakdown on stage and then proceeded to give rachel the spot at nyada and kurt gets payed literal dust. and THEN she had the nerve to tell him it was because his performance had no heart. AND HOW DID ADAM GET IN THIS BABY GOT BACK MOTHERFUCKER?! nyada is a circus school oh my god !!!!! kurt deserved better im telling yall he deserved so much better

there’s so much more i could rant about but im going insane im so tired and i need psychological help after watching glee so im gonna leave it here and say peace out homies it’s been fun but i need to sleep so bad

[lowkeyjustvibing]

Hey hey hEY

Chapter 7: That Meeting I Got Threatened Over  Datura P.O.V

I was kinda; pissed. I mean, my only real friend possibly being poisoned by myself? Wack. Being threatened to go to a stupid meeting, by my mortal enemy, no less? Having to go to the meeting in a traumatic place for me? How wonderful! I had just split up from Ahiru and Regenold. I started to make my way through the school, familiar with my surroundings. With a strong sense of deja vu and that something horrible was about to happen, I made my way through with this dreadful feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I made it to the theatre room, where the meeting was to be held, shivers crawling down my spine, like little spiders. The theatre room was just your typical post-apocalyptic theatre, there were cracks in the wall and vines growing out of them. I had no idea why the hell I was even here, but the Engineer insisted on me coming, she even threatened Germ.

Wait... Did she poison Germ? I was snapped from my thoughts as someone entered the room.

There was this person who looked like that stereotypical theatre kid. This was the Actor. He was great at impersonating others, heck, he could even pretend to be the president. This ability was one that helped us bring the world to its knees. He tended to wear a mask that was somewhat similar to the mask worn by the phantom of the opera. Most of the time, he is hanging around the Lead Conductor. Speaking of her, she followed the Actor into the room. She had her pale, orange hair tied in a low bun, with some netting surrounding said bun. She wore a black Victorian dress that had some transparent sashes draped around the skirt. In addition, she wore glasses, white stockings, and black shoes. To top it off, she wore a small Victorian top hat that bore the same sashes as her skirt. Overall, she looks like a Victorian-era doll. 

So in all, they are theatre kids. Though I can’t complain because basically all of Class 09 are just reject theatre kids (like myself). To be honest, she and the Actor are both so dramatic, and they both hang around each other all the time, I may have started shipping them, but that’s beside the point. 

Next to come in were the Photojournalist and the Artist. The Photojournalist wasn’t that extraordinary. She had blonde hair and pale skin. She wore a blue, wool-blend coat along with some blue jeans. She wore plain grey sneakers and had her camera slung over her shoulder. In one of her pockets were a notepad and pen. When we were ending the world, she took over media coverage, controlling what everyone knows.

The Artist has black hair that was tied into dreads and dark brown skin. He wore a plain old red, long-sleeved shirt and blue jeans that were covered in paint. However, He also wore goggles and a belt full of paint bottles. At his side was what to be a missile launcher but instead of missiles, they were colored pencils. At least he appreciates nature, so I respect him and his art. 

Many others were missing but I just assumed that they were too busy terrorizing people to come to the meeting. Go figure. All of them started to gather around together on the stage of the theatre, and with me still on the fence about this, but I remembered Germ, and I decided I wanted answers, so I went up onto the stage as well. 

“Hello Datura!” the Engineer said with joy.

The Artist chipped in, “It’s good to see you once again.”

The others didn’t respond, the Actor and Lead Conductor just stared at me while the Photojournalist was scribbling something down in that little notebook of hers. I turned back to the Engineer, who had that little smirk on her face as she always does. I glared at the Engineer, thinking of how Germ is suffering right now, and that she is most likely the one who caused it. 

“You poisoned her didn’t you?” I asked.

“Oh?” said the Engineer, “Someone isn’t feeling too well? I didn’t think you were the type to mix up lethal plants with non-lethal ones.”

“Don’t play dumb with me!”

The Engineer let out a little chuckle, “Well, let’s say if I did, I only did to ensure you came to this little meeting here.”

“Well, what is the purpose of this ‘little meeting’ anyway?” I asked. 

“I said in our last little get-together that the other 09’s wanted your help with something.”

“And what is that?” I questioned.

“I will tell you in detail about that, but before we get into that, I saw your 2 little friends going into your old greenhouse, and I know what they are after. They want to acquire an antidote that you can make out of a plant there.”

“How did you-”

“I have eyes and ears everywhere, did you really think I wouldn’t know about that one way or another?” The Engineer said with a smirk on her face.

“I swear if you do anything to them-”

“Oh don’t worry, I won’t lift a finger against either of them, because that job is going to already be taken care of by someone else.”

“Who?!” I exclaimed.

“Oh, that’s going to be a little surprise, but you’ll find out soon enough after seeing their lifeless bodies. But this can be averted, and I might even let them go away, maybe even without injury. And all you need to do is listen to the proposal.”

I was angry and I wanted to strangle the life out of her already and enjoy making her beg for mercy, but to save them and get the antidote for Germ, I guess I’ll just listen to them for now. 

"So Datura, you obviously know of how we took over and kinda ruined the planet." Said the Engineer.

"Get to the point." I snapped.

"Well not just me, but you and all the other 09's have seen the rapid growth of plant life everywhere. And I have analyzed and studied this, and I have learned that this plant life is caused all due to you."

"Wait, ME?" I questioned.

"Yes, there's no way plants could have overgrown and grown all over Earth. It should have taken decades to occur, yet it happened in such a short amount of time, it's really quite astounding actually."

I was thinking about this, and the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. I remember when all of this happened I did feel something weird surge inside of me, like a burst of energy almost. But I thought it was only due to the new powers I got, but welp, I guess not. 

“I guess that makes sense,” I said, beginning to accept that the increase in plants on Earth was because of me, “but why are you telling me this? What is it that you want me to do?” 

I saw how the Engineer looked at me, like the way she would look at any of her other machines ready to have them do whatever she wants. 

“What we want you to do,” she said, her voice getting low and menacing, “is help us find some survivors so we can end their suffering if you know what I mean” she finished with a sadistic grin on her face. 

“I know you’ll say yes cause if you don’t … well I guess you know what happens.” she said, “Well now you can go help your friends if they aren’t already dead yet” 

Just then, there was a huge explosion that sounded very close by. Everyone seemed confused and they went to go check, leaving me behind. I was worried about Ahiru and Regenold, so I decided to go follow them but just as I was about to leave Ahiru came bursting through the door. 

“There you are,” he said relieved, “there is no time to explain…” he looked down the hall, his face suddenly turning white. He cursed and then suddenly turned towards me. “Sorry about this,” he said moving quickly towards me, “but there is no other option so please don’t kill me” he finished suddenly picking me up.

“What are you doing?!” I asked as he started to run out of the room, “put me down or I’ll poison you!” 

“Please don’t. The other 09’s are coming after us and I'm the faster runner so you would end up just slowing me down so I'm carrying you. Now shut up so I can concentrate on getting away.”

By the way he was carrying me I was able to see behind us and I saw the other 09’s right behind.

“Wait where is Regenold?” I said realizing he wasn’t with us.

“Oh, don’t worry about him,” he said reassuringly as we took a turn, “He is on his way back to the base with the seeds.” 

We took another turn and suddenly we were outside the school. Fortunately, we were able to lose a few of the 09’s but there was still the Actor and Engineer still behind us. 

“Damnit,” Ahiru said, aware of their presence, “I can’t lead them to the base so hold on we are going to take a little detour.” 

“Can’t you put me down already?”

“Nope. If I do they’ll catch up”

Ahiru headed straight into a forest and somehow was able to manage to lose the last of the 09’s. He put me down and almost collapsed from how exhausted he was. After he caught his breath, we made our way back to the base. I still had my doubts that we all made it back but Regenold was already there sitting on the couch with the seeds. He handed them over with a smile on his face, proud that he got them. With the seeds, I started to make the antidote to cure Germ.

“Oh hey, that reminds me,” I said turning to Regenold and Ahiru who had just laid down on the couch, “What happened to you guys?”

Ahiru rolled his eyes and Regenold grinned, “Well, it’s a bit of a long story, but I guess I could tell you.”

[unordinary-analysis]

Episode 159

So apparently “later in the week” means ‘literally next week’ for me digiudgg

Also, I won’t be able to post the day the comic comes out because christmas and all that and family idk so I just want to say HAPPY HOLIDAYS :DD hope you guys have a nice time :))

Honorable mentions:

Very happy that the theory is thriving

I love Arlo with all of my heart and soul there i’ve finally said it

Do we know yet if Arlo knows that Cecile is working with John? I can remember the superhero posse knowing it, but did the info ever reach arlo? Comment if i forgot something lol

I’ve talked about all of the possibilities of a joker impersonator in recent posts, so I won’t go into all of that again here. You see, it’s laziness. I’m sure you guys understand lol.

I literally don’t know how to write this in a detailed way which is why it’s in the honorable mentions, but I just feel that Cecile has to just snap soon right? I’ve been hyped about her character as a whole for so long ugh, I just need some developments

I say “anyways” a lot. Is it too much? lol

Okay, first of all: Elaine:

    Elaine, elaine, elaine, elaine, elaine, you’ve finally done it. You’ve interested me.

    Harsh, I know, but honestly, she hasn’t really been doing much. I thought her character was cool to read a couple of times when she was literally terrified to death of Joker, but now I feel that her intrigue is actually due to her own self if that makes sense? Anyways-

    Moving past the obvious difference in her hair (only because I’ve already pointed that out lol), In this episode, WE GET TO SEE ELAINE IN OFFENSE MODE OEIRHGIWUHIWUH

    I’ve been hungry for some good developments on people’s powers ugh. It’s been dry ever since we saw Isen fight like forever ago. Or maybe Cecile. I don’t know. I just like to see people fighting oof. Anyway, we don’t even get much of Elaine fighting, all we see is like a block and a punch, but that’s not even really the only thing I’m excited about seeing.

    More so than other characters, Elaine has always been this docile type, you know? She’s just there whenever anyone needs healing and whenever someone needs someone to yell at them for being stupid. All Elaine ever is is worried, scared, and submissive. Well, not counting the beginning of the comic because I’m still not over that loss. Her character at the beginning of UnOrdinary? Superb. She was bitchy and yet weak at the same time. Classic combo. Anyways~ ;-; 

    Elaine is usually terrified of something and rarely stands up for herself or anything else, so seeing her stand up for herself, kind of, in this episode was really something to see. It wasn’t something big but, it was just a breath of fresh air to see a defiant side of Elaine. I wonder, is she growing more and more fed up of being weak? Is she done being scared? I don’t even know if she has the power to stop being scared, but, I don’t know. I’m kind of intrigued by the possibility of Elaine just snapping, aren’t you?

My main man: Arlo: 

    It’s got to be so weird going back to school after everything that went down, huh? Yet, the way that the safety of the school is still on Arlo’s mind? Even after he was publicly dethroned and now that everyone is staring at him wherever he goes? That’s the real evidence of what a true leader Arlo was. The best king we’ve seen in the UnOrdinary world I said what i said. And now he’s not even king anymore? Sidfhsiufhsiguh

    And the fact that Elaine went straight to him when she found a problem? It’s obvious that everyone still thinks of Arlo as the king. 

    I’m just in awe that Arlo’s first priority seems to be the school. It really… just helps paint Arlo in this different light. I’ve made countless posts talking about how he is obsessed with order because of the influence left on him by Rei and Rei’s failure, but now that his hierarchy has fallen apart, he hasn’t exactly reacted in the way I always used to think he would. And, yes, this is very late considering how long ago John ruined the hierarchy, but I haven’t talked about it yet I think so I’m here now. 

    I used to think that Arlo loved order so much. That maintaining it was his ultimate goal. I’m positive I’ve said that a few times before at least. But, it’s easy to see now that it goes deeper than that. Arlo really loves his school or at least he feels he owes it something, something that runs deeper than the surface hierarchy. And I’m not even sure if he’s always been like that or if it’s changed over the course of the story. I can’t ever seem to tell, no matter what, if Arlo’s character really has developed, or if I just never saw an aspect of him. It’s infuriating and yet so interesting at the same time…

    Anyway.

    Arlo’s rage is also something I want to touch on. It’s not exactly something new, but compared to the beginning of the story, it’s definitely something much more common recently, even though he usually is able to maintain a cool now as well. In this episode, Arlo punched a wall hard out of anger, which wouldn’t exactly be news for characters like Blyke or John, and maybe wouldn’t be for Arlo either, but I can’t help thinking about how out of character it would be for the Arlo of the comic’s beginning, at the beginning of season one. I feel that anger is something that we’re only being introduced to in regards to Arlo, like easing yourself into cold water, you know? Yeah sure, it doesn’t feel too out of character for Arlo to get so angry he literally decimates a wall, but it feels like every time he loses his cool, it either gets more over the top or it is incited by smaller and smaller things. His tendency to turn to anger is getting bigger. Arlo is angrier now than he’s ever been. 

    But, Just as I just said. I can’t tell if this is a totally new thing for Arlo, the anger, or if it’s been inside of him all along, just brewing beneath the surface, repressed in a way, similar to John. Except John knows what he’s running from. I don’t really know what I’m saying I just really love that uru-chan is tapping into Arlo’s emotions more and more as the story goes on because I can’t tell if they really are new things for Arlo or if they’re finally getting the best of him.

    Wording is hard so I have no idea if that last section makes sense.

    So: summary: I’m currently waiting for some sort of enlightenment on Arlo’s emotional state and character growth because damn

We love our dark king John: 

    So, um. John.

    He’s really something, isn’t he.

    I can never just hate him… no matter what he does… because everything he does is just so interesting. 

    Anyway back on topic. John’s current motives are actually really interesting. I’m not sure if I’ve talked about this yet because to be honest every time I write one of these, I rarely ever go back to see what I’ve already written in previous weeks and I never just remember because once I post one of these, you can bet that it’s out of mind. I know that John really just wants to create chaos. That’s clear enough. He stated basically that Arlo when he said he was taking down the hierarchy. But the thing is, I really don’t get why John is so for chaos? Like? I understand taking down the hierarchy because everything John hates about life, about his life, it really has stemmed from this system, the hierarchy. And finally after Arlo proved once again that the hierarchy could do nothing but hurt him, John vows to destroy it. Makes sense. And when the hierarchy is destroyed, obviously chaos is going to occur. That’s inevitable. We saw something similar with Rei and just basic sense seems to suggest that people do not not know how to function when there aren’t rules to follow. That’s chaos. Got that. But while John’s hate for the hierarchy and motive to destroy it make sense and the natural path that follows that leads to chaos, it’s John’s particular want for this chaos that keeps throwing me off.

    I don’t get why John wants chaos. I don’t get it. I don’t, okay? You know, he was a lot easier to understand when the only things he had going on were a. Lie to sera and b. Take down the hierarchy. But, yay, he’s achieved those things (some more successfully than others), and now..?? Why would John want chaos?

    I’m just repeating myself in hopes of making sense of my own thoughts but I can’t. I really don’t know why John seems so keen for Wellston running itself into the ground.

    So I’m deadass going to leave this here until I can think properly or something iuwfisuhg. I don’t know. It’s kind of late and I have to be up early tomorrow.

Some developments on the imposter Joker theory:

    Yeah, so, this isn’t really a theory aymore. It’s kind of proven now, but still it’s an easy way to refer to the whole situation. Anyway, on my longer post before specifically on this, I pointed out that because it used to be a common belief among low-tiers that Tuesday (back when he still was Tuesday) was Arlo, even though Arlo’s eyes glow blue and John’s glow orange. So: I said that it was likely that students can’t see the color of the eye glow or whatever through the mask. 

    This was only supported by this episode because not once does Elaine mention the color of the imposter’s eyes when determining that it is indeed an imposter. She thinks, “Wait a minute…! Something isn’t right here! That’s not John! …. This imposter’s ability level is nothing compared to the real Joker!” And that’s about it. So. Yeah. I think I was right about the eye thing. Not much else to say lol.

        Something else I want to say about the Joker imposter thing is that it really doesn’t matter who each imposter is. We wasted breath trying to think of who the first imposter was and if they don’t keep the same one, it doesn’t really matter. So because this imposter was not the same as the last, I think we can move on from this particular guessing game.

[entamewitchlulu]

lulu does flash reviews again

hey it’s been a while since i did one of these, anyway i just finished Princess Connect and I have some Thoughts so this is genuinely just me rambling about it

So, Princess Connect Re:Dive. It’s essentially a 12 episode long commercial for the associated role playing mobile game.  It follows the adventures of the Gourmet Guild, a group of four adventurers whose goal is to investigate and enjoy the various foods of their fantasy world. 

The Guild is made up of Yuuki, ostensibly our protagonist: a somewhat blank-slate sort of character who’s obviously supposed to be whoever your face character in the mobile game is, but who is actually, surprisingly, rather charming. He has lost his memories after some unknown battle he participated in with a bunch of former party members, and tends to respond to things in monosyllables, preferring instead to communicate with thumb’s ups and “mn!” in most cases. Despite this, he seems to be a very sweet boy who cares about his friends and is eager to do his best.  Personally, I found him to be kind of a breath of fresh air in terms of male protagonists of fantasy shows otherwise populated by women.  There’s not a single bit of “lucky pervert” tropes, he doesn’t seem at all interested in pursuing or flirting with any of the other girls, and only one of the girls is interested in him romantically. He’s generally pretty straightforward and good-hearted, so at worst I could call him boring - but even so, again, I found him charming.

Next is Kokkoro, an elf from a small village sent by someone who appears to be a goddess of some kind to find Yuuki and assist him as he recovers his memories. Kokkoro is, in a word, cute. She’s the only member of the cast who is interested in Yuuki romantically.  Despite this happening immediately after she meets him, it sort of makes some sense to me, since she’s clearly been taught that he’s a special and important person whom she is duty-bound to serve, so it makes sense to me that she would hold him in high regard - and since he’s just genuinely so...genuine, it makes sense that it wouldn’t take long for a more sheltered girl to develop feelings for him. And, happily, she has a personality outside of this attraction as well: she’s reliable, patient, and good at sewing, and she enjoys spending time with the rest of the guild.  Her silly faces she makes every time Yuuki gets chewed on by a wolf are hilarious, too.

Third up is Pecorine, who, while Yuuki is supposedly the protagonist, is pretty much set up to be the real protagonist of the show. Pecorine is not-so-subtly secretly the princess of this fantasy world, Landosol, however, it appears for some reason someone else is acting as ruler. Pecorine is ridiculously strong, ridiculously peppy, and always hungry. She’s literally made of nothing but love, joy, and excitement for whatever the next day will bring. She’s always helping people and seems to consider making others happy to be her life goal, alongside eating lots of yummy food. Everyone she encounters eventually becomes her best friend, even when they start off by trying to steal from her. She’s straightforward, doesn’t seem to notice when people don’t have her best interests in mind, and yet, beneath that, she is extremely lonely and vulnerable. If you couldn’t tell, she’s far and away my favorite character of the show.

And finally, there’s Karyl: a cat girl who is, in my opinion, the perfect example of a cat girl. She’s initially a loner who doesn’t see the need for friends, and is, apparently, supposed to assassinate Pecorine. As Pecorine doesn’t notice, she quickly inducts Karyl as her new girlfriend best friend, and Karyl, for all of her tsundere, don’t-touch-me cat vibes, absolutely starts falling for Pecorine’s kindness back.  While she’s the one to call out the guild’s stupid plans and ideas, she generally ends up joining in on the shenanigans, much to her eternal chagrin.

So, I don’t mean to make this just a description of the show, because I do have thoughts and opinions, but I felt like setting up my feelings on the main cast was important before I got into the details of the show itself.  From this point forward, there will be spoilers.

So, what this show does right:

As I mentioned in my talk about Yuuki, in terms of “1 male protagonist surrounded by girls”, it’s a relief to watch a show where the main cast is just all a bunch of good friends and they’re not just all hanging on the bland main character.  Each of the cast is given their own time to develop their own personalities both with each other and outside of each other, and they’re all, genuinely, rather endearing.  There are two characters who show up later who are a bit annoying about their care over Yuuki (calling themselves his big and little sister respectively), but since they aren’t main cast members and connect the show to a larger “what happened before this?” narrative, I didn’t mind it so much.  Plus, despite a cast of all girls in a mobile game, outside of a few skimpy outfits and Pecorine’s occasional boob jiggle, there wasn’t a SINGLE bit of fanservice, which shocked me for this genre. No upskirts, no accidental boob touches, no lewd comments or innuendos.  I was floored, and in a good way.

The character design really isn’t bad for a show based on a mobile game. Characters are distinct in design and personality. The best design is, of course, the girl who is Just a Llama. 

I actually really liked being thrown into this world where it was very obvious that something had already happened Before, but you were only given pieces of it.  It built a very intriguing premise by starting us off seemingly after the climactic battle goes wrong, and adds a sense of unease here or there about knowing that something is a little bit off, but you don’t quite know what.  Not getting all of the answers at the end of the show wasn’t a dealbreaker, either, because I knew I wouldn’t going in - it’s a mobile game show. The story is still going in the mobile game, so they won’t play all their cards in the adaptation.

Karyl and Pecorine are definitely the main characters of the show, and while I’m sure it wasn’t intentional, their story very much feels like a love story, and I just really, really enjoyed that for what I expected to see going in, I instead got two girls who were allowed to have a complicated and yet very sweet relationship that developed slowly over the series into a truly beautiful climax.  Speaking of Pecorine, as well, I have to give some props to the plot twist about her character. It was obvious to me for a while that she was the princess of Landosol, and I assumed that her parents were dead.  I kept wondering why she was leaving her people to the whims of her impersonator instead of taking back her throne, and it was something that sort of bothered me throughout her seemingly cheerfully ignoring what her usurper was doing to her kingdom.  Finding out that the fake princess had, in fact, simply replaced Pecorine with herself in everyone’s memories, leaving Pecorine with no idea what to do and deciding to disappear knowing that even her own parents didn’t remember her as their daughter was a shocking, and powerful, plot twist.

When it’s good, it’s really good.  There are some genuinely heartfelt and powerful moments.  The animation is surprisingly good, beautiful to watch especially during fight scenes.  The final scene especially with its emphasis on Karyl and Pecorine really touched me, as it was clear they put a lot of effort into just the last few frames to make it really touching.

And here’s what this show does wrong:

When I said that when it’s good, it’s really good, the same can be said that when it’s bad, it’s bad.  The main problem with this show is that it wants to be everything.  It wants to be a comedy.  It wants to be a drama.  It wants to have deep character drama and heartfelt moments.  It wants to have intense battles and evil villains alongside a story about four friends making sandwiches out of monster meat.  The comedy bits and drama bits are both solid enough on their own, but smushed together, it makes for a tonally dissonant show that cheapens some of the more heartfelt moments.

The show takes way too long to even get into its main conceit, too.  I think it wasn’t until episode 4 that they started their Gourmet Guild - and then even after that, the food hunting sort of disappeared in a lot of episodes so that you kind of forgot what their goals even were.  And even when the food episodes happened, they almost felt like filler.  Because of the show’s lack of focus, it was hard to truly enjoy any part of it.

And I cannot forget to mention that though I praised the character design in the good stuff section, there were some...concerns.  Episode 3 introduces a fatphobic, borderline racist design. He is shown as cruel, violent, gleefully mean, and morbidly obese in a cast that is otherwise made up of skinny characters.  And worse, he’s the only brown character in a sea of pale, white-coded characters.  His appearance in episode 3 almost made me stop watching.  He showed up briefly in several more episodes after this, and it sucked every single time.  Despite a lot of the other things I loved about this show, I really cannot recommend it to anyone with a clean conscience just because of this character. He’s distressing and uncomfortable to me, so I can’t imagine how a POC might feel while watching it.

Genuinely, if even one or two of their “here’s a cute girl” designs had been Black or brown, I would have felt way better.  But the juxtaposition of this guy being the only dark skinned character in the show combined with his abhorrent personality just really, really distresses me, and I think it’s a warning that people should be aware of before giving it a try.

That being said, overall, I don’t think Princess Connect Re:Dive was a bad show.  As I said, there was a lot of elements I enjoyed, and I will probably go look and see if there’s any Karyl/Pecorine art out there, and since the app is Japanese only, I might even go and read the continued plot somewhere.

So this wasn’t much of a “flash review”, I had a lot to say, I guess lol.  Anyway, if anyone else watched it, please let me know what you thought~ I’d be interested to hear anyone else’s take.  For my part, I’ll give Princess Connect a solid 6/10.

[spiderman-homecomeme]

Day One - When in Vegas

Prompt: future!au

It’s cutting it close, but here is my first contribution to @spideychellemonth! I’m gonna try my darndest to keep up, but I’m so excited for this guys!! 

This is potentially going to be multi-chapter, mostly because it was getting too long and I was having just TOO MANY IDEAS lmao Let me know what y’all think! This is also based off of an idea an anon sent me a week or so ago about a marriage pact!AU that i just LOVED the idea for 

Basically, the 1.7k Waking Up Married in Vegas!AU nobody asked for pls enjoy! <3

.

.

Fuck.

It’s the first semi-coherent thought that pops into MJ’s head as she’s dragged into a sluggish state that can barely be described as consciousness. Her eyes, feeling as if they might fall right out of her skull, squeeze shut in an effort to stop the sun’s merciless assault. The groan that leaves her mouth as she turns away from the window is almost inhuman, her tongue heavy and dry, throat feeling as if she’d just swallowed barbed wire. If she moves too much, she’s sure whatever concoction of last night’s activities currently residing in her stomach are going to end up on the floor. 

Three gin and tonics, two vanilla screwdrivers, and a few too many—who was counting, really?—shots of tequila seemed like an okay idea last night, at least past-MJ thought. 

That was a problem for future-MJ.

Future-MJ hates past-MJ.

It was true, it was all true, she reflects as her stomach gurgles violently, lurching into the back of her throat. 

It’s a simple explanation, really.

Over time, the enzymes required to metabolize all that booze have started to weaken, no longer breaking down toxins with the same vigor, leaving the elusive acetaldehyde to roam free. 

In other words, she’s thirty.

Gone were the glory days where she could drink the night away and wake up with just a mild headache. The days where she could have as many different cocktails as her heart desired and not wake up feeling like death itself. The days where she could drink just one glass of pinot noir and not feel like an angry bull is stomping on his hippocampus.

But it had been Ned’s 30th, one of her best friends since high school, a real cause for celebration. They were in Vegas, for crying out loud. Sin City. What was she supposed to do?

Not drink?

(Well, yeah. That would have been ideal.)

But where was the fun in that?

Her hand brushes across her bare stomach, and she realizes with a small start that she’s naked. 

She’s not sure if she’s ever been more confused.

Come to think of it, she’s not sure she even knows what happened last night. There’s flashes, very brief flashes of club music, Grey Goose, way too much glitter, and a lot of highly questionable, dumbass financial decisions involving slot machines and poker games.

She’s pretty sure she’s still alive, about 62%, but she’s also fairly certain that her brain has been replaced with cotton and sewing needles. An ache that starts right around her knees shoots up her spine, radiating throughout her body as she pulls the blanket tighter around her and buries her puffy face into the pillow.

When she realizes that any chance of sleep is gone for good, and that she can’t just will this splitting headache away with her own mind, she cracks an eye open. She immediately regrets that decision as soon as the harsh sunlight hits, shaking her head, throwing her arm out in some kind of half-assed effort to fight it off. 

Her heart nearly stops when her hand hits something soft and warm next to her. She yanks her hand back, eyes shooting open to see someone—a man—face down in the mattress, head of chocolate brown waves turned away from her. A rather uncalled for heat swarms her body as her gaze drifts to his exposed back and lingers on the taut muscles there, drifting lower, the thin stop-sheet just barely covering the curve of his—

What the hell happened last night?

But dread starts to mix with the nausea gripping at her stomach as she realizes something about the naked mystery man in her bed.

She knows that curly mop of brown hair.

Immediately, she shoots up from the bed, gripping the sheet against her chest. 

A big mistake.

The nausea finally wins the battle, and she runs to the bathroom, not bothering to cover up as she empties the toxic contents of her stomach into the toilet. 

It’s a wonder Peter doesn’t wake up from her violent retching. 

She forces out a harsh exhale as she flushes down the remnants of her night out, hand reaching out to grip the bathroom counter as she rises on shaky legs. She grabs the complimentary bathrobe—how fancy—and shrugs it on before turning to the sink to splash ice cold water onto her face. 

And that’s when she sees it. 

The gaudy, cheap, obviously fake rock sitting smugly on her left ring finger, staring right back at her slack-jawed expression. 

What the fuck?!

It all comes back to her. 

They’d been so, so incredibly dumb. 

Both of them.

Peter looks stupid good.

He always has, of course, she wasn’t blind. 

But his late-twenties seemed to have been incredibly kind to him. He still had that boyish charm she’d always secretly liked, but now… now there was just something about him, standing under these neon casino lights, wearing a plain black suit with a white tee underneath, that brought back years and years of repressed high school feelings. 

Mutual feelings that neither of them ever acted on. Only joked about.

They would never have worked as a couple, they’d always say.

It was a disaster waiting to happen.

So they both moved on. It was high school. They still had the rest of their lives ahead of them. 

Plus, the risk of ruining their solid friendship was just too great. 

So why, after nearly twelve years, is she having to actively fight back the stupid fluttering of butterflies when he so much as glanced in her general direction? 

It makes no sense. 

It isn’t like they haven’t seen each other since high school. Yeah, it’s been a few months since they last caught up, both of them being too busy with work and the like, but...

They were still friends—best friends, even.

She blames it on the second gin and tonic.

Yes, it’s the warm buzz of the alcohol running through her body that’s making her feel like she’s pretty damn close to walking on air. 

And she chases that feeling, returning again and again to the bar—sometimes with Peter, himself—giving up on actually counting her drinks after the first shot of tequila. 

Tequila was clearly not her friend in this case.

It could also have been the fact that she’s freshly single and she’s had to witness Ned and, now fiancèe Betty, making googly eyes at each other one too many times, and it’s entirely possible that she’s just feeling that creeping loneliness she’d tried so hard to stamp down.

She doesn’t know how they get here, maybe it’s somewhere between her second shot and her first screwdriver, but they’re alone in a booth in the corner. For the first time in a while, her liquid courage doesn’t help stave off the pressure of trying to come up with something cool to say, and she feels, once again, like she’s back in high school. 

It’s an incredibly frustrating feeling.

Peter ducks as he sees Ned looking for him, MJ snickering as she watches the whole ordeal. Ned’s drunkenly leading this poor, unassuming casino patron around, glancing around frantically as he wanders from room to room.

Odds are it’s just another person to try and hook Peter up with. 

Ned means well, he truly does, but frankly, Peter’s a little tired of the constant matchmaking. Yes, he’s been the perpetually single friend for a number of years now, but he seemed to be pretty content on his own.

And plus, he and MJ are having a pretty good time by themselves.

He doesn’t need anyone else.

“But, Pete,” MJ starts, words slurring ever-so-slightly, tone laced with sarcasm. “Everyone knows that being single in your thirties is one of the most shameful things in existence. It’s barbaric. You need to settle down, before it’s too late.”

He throws his head back, letting out an exaggerated laugh. “You’re right. My good years are gone.” 

She tsks, shaking her head. “Past your prime.”

“I’ve truly peaked.” He tips his glass to her, before taking a drink.

A smirk tugs at her lips. “What will you do now?”

“Well...” He laughs lightly, casually stirring the glass in his hand. He looks up at her, eyes glazed over, tilting his head as he fixes her with a fond, teasing smile. “We still have that pact.”

Ah, yes. 

The pact. 

The pact that they’d made—as a joke—when they were sixteen. 

It was simple.

If they were both single at thirty, they’d get married. 

That was the deal.

They even shook on it. 

But, official as that simple handshake was at the time for two hormonal teenagers, it wasn’t something that was ever in any universe supposed to be taken seriously.

Maybe it was just a ring, though. Maybe they didn’t get actually, legitimately, legally get married. They couldn’t have been that dumb. 

Or maybe this was some sick hangover hallucination her brain made up as punishment for drinking too much. 

The rest of the night is a blur, brief glimpses of drunken giggles, his hand in hers flashing through her mind. She vaguely remembers going somewhere outside the casino with him, stumbling through the streets as they pull each other along, bright lights dancing above them. 

Balloons everywhere. 

A corny chapel. 

A Tony Stark impersonator. 

Her expression is oddly calm, a contrast to the utter horror she feels in her gut as she stares at the sparkling ring on her finger. 

This isn’t that bad, she thinks. This can all be over in a matter of hours. 

An annulment was easy, right?

Right?

It’s not like they had sex or anything—

Wait, no, fuck, they did. 

Did they…?

Again, the later part of the night is fuzzy.

Another wave of nausea crashes into her before she has a chance to be confused, and in an instant, she’s hunched over the toilet again. 

And it’s while she’s puking her guts out, while she’s praying that the naked guy in her bed stays asleep where he’s supposed to be, does a boxer-clad-Peter step into the bathroom. He looks almost as wrecked as she is, his hair in wild disarray, bags under his eyes giving Gollum a run for his money. 

He hesitates, knocking gently on the doorframe. “MJ—?” At first, he looks as though he’s about to ask her why she’s in his hotel room, but his expression crumples into one of worry when he sees how sick she is. “Are you okay?”

She scoffs and gives him a weak glance over her shoulder, ready to throw a biting, sarcastic remark back at him, when she sees the way the color drains from his face.

He’s frozen in place, eyes wide, and she hesitantly follows his gaze, right onto that big, fake diamond on her finger. 

Fuck.

[haledamage]

Rhicember 12/19

Are you - are you pulling down mistletoe? - Kira&Tina (implied past Kira/Bobby, plus some Kira&Felix and a bit of Kira/Mason)

“What are you doing? Are you - are you pulling down mistletoe?”

Kira didn’t even look at Tina, concentrating on her task of removing the little sprig of fake mistletoe that was half-hidden in the garland over the doorway leading to Verda’s lab. “Yep.”

Tina crossed her arms, her expression torn between amused at her friend’s antics and annoyed at her lack of festivity. “Kira, I know you aren’t really into the whole holiday spirit thing, but you don’t need to take it out on the poor defenseless decorations.”

Kira threw the mistletoe down on Tina’s head before hopping out of the chair and back to the ground. She lowered her voice to a tense hiss, “Tina, I love you, you know this. But I just got a text warning me that Bobby is on his way, and if there’s any mistletoe up when he walks in, you have to kiss him.”

“You get Bobby Alerts on your phone?” Tina asked, but she still immediately grabbed a chair of her own to help with the mistletoe purge. “How do I get added to that mailing list?”

Kira grinned as she scanned the room for her next victim. “It’s the biggest advantage to living in a small town. Everyone may know all of my business but at least they’re on my side about it.”

“Have you considered introducing him to Unit Bravo?” Tina asked as she dragged her chair over to the front desk to get rid of the decorations above it, dropping anything that even resembled a sprig of mistletoe into the bin. “Sick the grumpy one on him and I bet you’ll see a lot less Bobby Marks creeping around your office.”

“Maybe. Or maybe he’ll creep around more, hoping for a scandal.” Kira started gathering the fallen decorations from the floor to throw them away, then paused as a thought crossed her mind suddenly. “Which one’s the grumpy one?” Tina just smiled at her, so Kira continued, “No really, is it Adam or Mason? Either could apply.”

“The one that’s really hot but also always looks like he hates every second he has to spend in the company of people.”

“Tina. Honestly. Be more specific.”

Tina smirked knowingly. “The one you’re obviously in love with but are too scared to tell him.”

Kira tripped over her own boots. “Wow. That’s a low blow.”

“Am I wrong?”

“Yes,” she answered quickly, her face turning bright red. Barely above a whisper, she added, “...How obviously?”

The sympathy on Tina’s face was answer enough. “Oh, Kira…”

“Goddamn it.” Kira pressed a hand over her face, mortified. She pinched the bridge of her nose. She was pretty sure she was going to have a headache by the end of the day.

“Am I here at a bad time?” came Bobby’s smug voice by the stations front door. “In the middle of some redecorating?”

“Yes,” Kira snapped. She bit the inside of her cheek in an effort to keep calm, took a deep breath, and put on her best polite, impersonal smile. “Is there something you need, Bobby?”

His smirk said he knew how much she didn’t want to see him and that it amused him to no end. “From you, angel? I can think of a few things,” he said in a low purr.

Kira growled in a way that didn’t sound entirely human. Her smile became much less polite and more like a wolf baring its teeth, but she kept her voice very cordial, though not quite friendly. “Unless those things are related to unclassified police business, I’m afraid you’re out of luck.”

“Lucky for you, I’m here on business. I was hoping for a statement.” He pulled out his phone, brandishing it like a tape recorder, but it may as well have been a knife for the amount of trepidation she had for it.

“Detective, there’s someone on the phone for you,” Douglas called, making him momentarily her favorite person in the world.

“I can get you that statement, Marks,” Tina said, doing a much worse job of sounding polite than Kira had. She felt a swell of affection for her best friend as she led a clearly disappointed Bobby as far away from the phone as she could.

“Detective Kingston,” Kira said into the receiver.

“Detective,” said Felix on the phone, in a voice that sounded very much like he was trying to imitate either Adam or Rebecca. “I have a situation that requires your immediate attention.”

“Yes, sir,” Kira said, barely fighting back a grin. She tried to keep her voice very serious. “Is this important? Where should I meet you?”

“It’s very important, Detective. Look outside.”

She did, and through the large front windows of the station she could see Felix, leaned against a lamppost across the street. He waved when he saw her looking. His grin was big enough that she could see it clearly even this far away.

“That newspaper guy is your ex, right? Thought you might want an escape plan.” He walked out of Kira’s line of sight. Barely a second later, she saw Bobby out of the corner of her eye, glancing toward the front of the police station as if trying to see what she was looking at. She tore her eyes away and looked back at the front desk as Felix continued, “If you’d prefer, we can just pretend to have a serious work conversation until he gets bored and leaves.”

“Thank you, but no. I’ll come to you.” She hung up without another word and reached for her coat. “Douglas, forward my calls to my mobile. Tina, I’ve got to go. You okay here?”

“Yeah, I’ve got this. Let me know if you need help.” Tina waved her off, but the look in her eyes said ‘you owe me big time.’

Kira was inclined to agree. “Thanks.”

She almost made it out the door before Bobby’s voice caught up to her. “Don’t worry, angel. I’ll be seeing you again real soon.”

She waited until she was out of sight before she shuddered, then jogged across the street to meet Felix and, apparently, Mason, who she hadn’t seen from the station. He was leaning against the side of a nearby building looking bored, smoke curling lazily around him from the cigarette in his hand.

“You okay?” Felix asked immediately.

Kira felt like she was full to bursting with gratitude for all her friends. She could handle Bobby and his bullshit, but it was really nice to be reminded that she didn’t have to do so alone. “Yes. Thanks. He’s just… a creep. I’m used to it. Hey.” This last was to Mason. He nodded at her in silent greeting.

Felix linked his arm in Kira’s and they started meandering down the street. Mason stubbed out his cigarette and fell into step with them on her other side.

“So what’s the story there? Between you and whatshisface?” Felix asked plainly, since Nate wasn’t there to tell him not to pry.

“Just a stupid mistake that won’t stop following me around. I was 19, away from home for the first time. I thought he was someone he wasn’t, and I think he thought I was an easy mark. I guess he was right.” Kira sighed, watching her feet as the pavement turned to cobblestone as they headed toward the Square. “Unfortunately for me, he’s the only investigative reporter in town and I’m the only Detective, so he shows up at my office all the time hoping for story scraps.”

“At least you’ve got better taste these days,” Mason said, quiet and sultry near her ear.

“You’re setting the bar really low for yourself. I’d aim a little higher than ‘better than Bobby’ if I were you.” In spite of her words and the sourness of her tone, she still turned to meet Mason’s eyes and smiled at him. He didn’t smile back, but his normal scowl softened into something neutral and almost friendly. Since they weren’t alone, that felt like a pretty big victory.

Felix must have thought so too, judging by the knowing grin that spread across his face. Kira almost sagged with relief when he didn’t push the subject and instead said, “How long do you think we need to keep you busy before it’s safe to go back?”

“Probably not long. I doubt he’ll stick around to chat with Tina. If I can just avoid him until after the New Year I’ll be happy.” She tilted her head to look over at Felix who was still looking smug and pleased about their success. “Thanks for this. Really.”

“Don’t thank me. It was Mason’s idea.”

She turned in surprise to Mason, who was glaring at Felix like he was trying to set him on fire with his mind. “Don’t let it go to your head, sweetheart.”

[pjbehindthesun]

chapter 27: carrots, rusty bikes, and troublesome ghosts

Saturday, November 10th, 1990

“What does the coleslaw come with?”

“I’m sorry?” I look up from the order pad I’m scribbling on, not having quite registered the guy’s question the first time.

“The coleslaw, what does it come with?”

“Oh, uhm, it’s a side, so you can get it with any entree you want, really…”

“So can I just order coleslaw?”

“Well, I don’t think we sell it separately, I think it comes on the side of whatever you order.”

“Okay, how much for just a side of coleslaw then?”

This is it. I’ve died. I’ve died and gone to hell where my punishment for being a horrible human being is to be stuck in a permanently looping, restaurant-themed version of “Who’s on First.” Welcome back to work, Cora. With tremendous effort, I try again in my most patient customer-service voice.

“I don’t think I can get you just a side of coleslaw. Can I get you something else? Maybe something that comes with coleslaw?”

“I really don’t want anything else. I just want coleslaw.”

“Okay… but sir, it’s really the smallest possible portion, it’s just a little metal cup with three bites’ worth of salad.” I hold up my hands and make a circle shape with my fingers about the size of a half dollar coin, trying to impress upon this nitwit the concept of a fucking side of coleslaw.

“Fine,” he sighs, and it takes every ounce of my restraint not to stab one of my own eyes out with my pencil, “can I get it on the side of some fries?”

Fries. Are. Also. A. Side. Someone please kill me. You know what? Fuck it. Fine. I surrender and jot down “kill me now” on my notepad next to a sketch of a little dagger dripping blood.

“Wait, what’s actually in the coleslaw?”

As tempted as I am to do my best Charlton Heston Soylent Green impersonation to run this asshole out of my restaurant, I draw a deep breath and begin a faithful recitation of the ingredients in the most common side dish in America. “Cabbage, carrots, mayo…”

“Oh, I don’t like carrots.”

“So… you don’t want the coleslaw?”

“No, I do, I just don’t want the carrots.”

“Okay, but… it’s just that… we buy the coleslaw as a mix, sir. The carrots are just part of it.”

“If it’s such a small scoop, then it shouldn’t be that hard to take them out, right?”

My anger flashes, but then a different voice, more nasal than this guy’s but much more pleasing, floods my brain.

“You wear your feelings right… here.”

The memory is so immediate, I can even feel the weight of Stone’s hand perched on my shoulder, and for a split second I even glance to my left to see if I can spot his fingers there.

Of course they’re not there. God, I’m such a fucking idiot. I haven’t seen or heard from Stone since he literally ran out of my apartment. Not even a phone call, and it’s been four days. There’s only one logical conclusion to draw. I crossed a line when I kissed him, and he couldn’t get away from me fast enough. He must have spent that whole day at my place because Lucy asked him to. And probably because he felt sorry for me, too. That’s all. Nothing more.

But I had to go and kiss him, uninvited, like a jerk. And that’s not even the first time! When I think back to that night we spent at his place, back to that moment in the tree, when I was so sure I understood his feelings: who kissed who? Me. I started it. I was the one who attacked him, not the other way around. He was the one trying to slow everything down.

“Oh yeah, that’s why you came over here and threw yourself at me last night, the overwhelming happiness of it all.”

Again Stone’s old words resound in my ears, only this time they aren’t the tender ones from my bed the other day but the harsh, mocking ones after we woke up together in his. It couldn’t be plainer that I’ve been misreading his feelings all along. Maybe he really did suffer some temporary insanity that night, and he thought he had feelings for me, but it was only because he got carried away, and now that he sees what a fucking trainwreck I am, he regrets all of it.

Or maybe he changed his mind. Maybe he actually did want me, maybe his affection did come from a genuine place after all, but who can blame him for losing interest in someone who’s stupid enough to be cheated on for an entire year? I’m like the textbook definition of damaged goods, so it’s only natural that his feelings have changed.

“I’m pretty sure there’s nothing you can do to make me not want you.”

Damn these stupid hallucinations. My pulse quickens as my body remembers his touch under the hemlock tree in perfect detail. I believe he did really want me, for a while. But we’re not there anymore. We’re here. Wherever here is. So much has happened since that night. And I obviously figured out how to drive him away after all. He doesn’t feel the same way anymore. I can’t blame him for that. The shittiest part is that I feel like I owe him an apology, an explanation, a promise that I’ll stop throwing myself at him, except that even calling him to tell him that much feels like overstepping a boundary. He doesn’t want to talk to me. Message received loud and clear. I can take a hint. I just hope I haven’t ruined our friendship entirely. I don’t think I could take losing Stone on top of everything else.

“Miss? Hello, earth to Carrots over here?”

On the bright side, my misery over my situation with Stone is enough to shake off the murderous rage I was just feeling toward Coleslaw Guy. I can always spit in the guy’s salad, anyway. Maybe there’s a slight chance I’m still contagious. Always a silver lining somewhere.

“Of course, sir. I’ll be back with your order soon.”

Turning my back to his table, I make eye contact with Emily over at the bar, who has evidently been watching the entire exchange with Coleslaw Guy for her evening entertainment.

“Welcome back, Cora, we saved the best tables for you.”

“I’m ever so grateful! How will I ever, ever repay you?” I fawn, laying my accent on thicker. “Oh, I know. You win the grand prize, you get to help me pick the carrots out of that guy’s coleslaw with tweezers.”

“What??”

“He asked me to uncarrot his coleslaw. You can’t make this shit up.”

“And you actually agreed to do it?”

“I’m broke, Em, I’ll humiliate myself a real whole lot for a decent tip.”

“Well don’t look now, ‘cause your favorite riff raff are descending. Worst tippers I’ve ever seen, but at least they’re cute about it.”

She nods over my shoulder, and I turn around to figure out what she means. My stomach lurches when I spot a familiar group of idiots gathered on the sidewalk, waving enthusiastically through the window like a bunch of well-wishers on a dock seeing off a cruise ship. Jeff’s grinning cross-eyed, Lucy’s practicing her Queen of England wave, and Chris and Matt blow sloppy kisses from behind them. But that’s nothing compared to Mike, who pulls up his shirt to press his nipple against the glass in a display of wanton desire, causing the customers closest to the window to scoot their chairs back several inches in alarm.

“Oh god, no…” Emily shields her eyes, blushing scarlet to the roots of her hair and bustling out of sight, which is almost enough to sidetrack me from noticing that Stone’s the only one who’s not clowning around. And now he’s the only one I can see. Standing off to the side, one arm cradling a 12-pack of beer and the other hand shoved deep in the pocket of his brown coat, looking anywhere but at our friends or through the window at me. Looking annoyed, more than anything else. Looking like he’d like to be anywhere but here. Whoever’s idea it was to drop by and assault the window of my cafe, it certainly wasn’t his. What happened to all the oxygen in this place? Why can’t I breathe?

Stone disappears out of sight down the sidewalk, and the rest of the guys, having gotten the reaction they wanted, follow after him. Lucy waves at them before ducking inside, much to the apprehension of the customers who were closest to Mike’s nipple.

“I swear I’ve never seen those people before in my life,” she reassures them with a sunny smile as she makes her way over to me.

“To what did I owe that eye-gouging spectacle?”

“They were just glad to see you back at work, I think they miss monopolizing your section.” Lucy parks on a barstool and pockets the stolen cookie wrapped in a napkin that I’ve just handed her with as much stealth as a thief in broad daylight can manage.

“Not enough to stop by for dinner though, huh?”

“Nah, they’re gonna go practice. They’ve got that show in a few days, and I think they’ve done fuck-all so far to prepare for it.”

“Ah, right, I forgot all about that.”

Liar. Their show at the Off Ramp on Tuesday has been on my mind all week. I’ve been trying to decide whether I should go or not. I’m not even going to bother asking Lucy, because I know what she’ll say if I tell her I’m considering skipping it.

“But I think they were gonna swing by for dinner later,” she goes on. “How late are you working?”

Oh, sure they will. And then Stone will skip off to that root canal he’s been looking forward to. I start reorganizing coffee mugs to give myself something more productive to do.

“Oh, uh, my shift’s almost done.”

“Great! Then you can come by the gallery when you get off?”

“I should really catch up on schoolwork, Luce, I have a paper to present on Monday, and…” somehow reorganizing the mugs has become a game to see how high I can stack them before they fall, and now Lucy and I are both staring at my handiwork.

“At least pretend to humor the idea before you shoot it down, will you?”

“I’m not shooting anything down,” there’s been more than enough shooting down happening in my life lately for my tastes, “I just have a lot to do.”

My friend lets out a long-suffering sigh. “I don’t suppose this is another one of those ‘avoiding Stone’ attempts you’re always so successful at?”

“What? No.”

“Hey, you don’t get to act surprised. I’m on solid ground here! You’ve got priors!”

The mug on the top of my impressive tower slips off, and Lucy makes a remarkable save while I stabilize the rest of my construction.

“I should probably put these back,” I mutter, hoping for a change of subject as I return the mugs to their proper arrangement.

“I knew it, you’re avoiding him. What did he do now?” she frowns. “Did he do something stupid that day he came over?”

Him? No. He did nothing wrong. Me, on the other hand… stupid slut who throws herself at anyone who shows her the slightest hint of affection…

“What? Of course not. He was great.”

“Uh huh. So then you’re avoiding him because…?”

“I’m not avoiding him!”

“Come on, Cora, cut the shit, yes you are.”

“It’s not like he’s called me either, you know. It’s just been kinda quiet for a few days, don’t make a big thing about it.”

“Wait, he hasn’t called you either?” she wrinkles her whole face in confusion. Me too, friend! That’s what I’ve been saying! I’m not avoiding him! He’s avoiding me! I’m just following his lead and trying not to make him any more uncomfortable around me than he already is! Oh no, what if she thinks she needs to meddle and try to push us closer together? Is that why she called him to come over and help me pack in the first place? No, no, I need to nip this suspicion in the bud before she makes everything worse.

“No, but it’s not a big deal, really. Maybe I can stop by practice for a couple of minutes. We’ll see how I feel when I get done here, I’m pretty tired.”

“Yes!” She fist-pumps in triumph. “Admit it, woman, you need socialization. This hermit thing is not a good look for you. Now that I’m on a roll, what about movie night tomorrow?”

“Lucyyyy,” I whine, slumping my shoulders for maximum pathos.

“None of the guys, just us. Pleeeeaase?” Her wheedling drowns out my whining until I cave, not wanting to make a scene.

“Ugh. Fine. One movie, I pick.”

Lucy jumps off her barstool, bouncing excitedly on her heels. “Two movies, and I get the final say.“

“What the –”

“She who wields the Blockbuster card controls the choices!”

“Tyrant! Okay, fine, at whose apartment am I serving this sentence?”

“You always have better snacks at your place,” she shrugs, breaking off a piece of the contraband cookie in her coat pocket and glancing sideways before stuffing it in her mouth, looking about as sneaky as a chipmunk storing up for winter.

“Fair point. Hey, that’s actually not a bad idea, you can pick up Jeff’s pan while you’re there.”

“Whmphch pn??” she garbles through her massive mouthful of cookie.

“Oh, uh, Eddie borrowed one. He brought over some food the other day.”

“When was that?”

“Wednesday, I think?”

“I didn’t hear about that!”

“It didn’t exactly warrant an announcement in the papers. He knew I was sick, he brought dinner over, we ate it, he left.” I shrug.

“That’s really sweet of him. What did you guys talk about?” She frowns before demolishing the rest of her treat. Why is she so interested in Eddie coming over to hang out? It’s not a big deal.

“We didn’t.”

“What do you mean, ‘we didn’t’?”

“I mean, it’s Eddie, he’s sorta the silent type.”

“Hmph,” she mutters, tossing the crumpled up napkin at my head and forming an exaggerated pout. “You don’t tell me anything anymore, you know that? I’ll see you in a little bit!”

As I watch her leave, I feel a twinge of remorse for keeping her at arm’s length lately. It’s not like I don’t want to spend time with my best friend, but it’s in her nature to want to talk about absolutely everything in excruciating detail, and what’s there to say? I was dumb enough to get strung along by Alex for an entire year, I’ve completely screwed up my entire friendship with Stone, and I don’t even understand what’s so newsworthy about a silent dinner with my neighbor.

Suddenly, tweezing carrots out of coleslaw sounds like a more manageable task than understanding my own social life.

***

“FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK!”

Mike’s outburst drowns out the dissonant sound of everyone cutting their own playing short. I share a quick glance with Chris, who looks amused more than anything as he takes the interruption to justify a beer break. Jeff’s scowling at his bass, and Matt’s got the patient expression of a saint as he rests his sticks on his snare to watch the guitarist jumping up and down.

“Mike… mellow, man, it’s fine.”

“Yeah, totally fine that our lead guitarist can’t count to seven,” I roll my eyes.

“Shut the fuck up, Stone, it’s your fault, it’s your stupid time signature. 99% of the world couldn’t figure this thing the fuck out.”

“Yeah, too bad you’re not in that other 4%, huh?”

Mike opens his mouth to retort, but he almost looks closer to tears than actual coherence, so it’s probably not a terrible thing that Matt speaks up before I do.

“Alright, it’s no big deal, let’s just try it again…”

“Yeah,” I offer in a slightly less snide tone, “let’s just go through the chord chart one more time…”

But at some muttered jumble of words out of the side of Mike’s mouth that sound distinctly like “shove it up your ass,” I decide to let Matt field this remedial music lesson and grab a drink with Chris.

As practices go, this is about as un-stressful as it ever gets, provided Cready can wrap his head around this particular song in the next couple days. I’m pretty attached to it, so I hope we can pull it off live, but in his defense, we have practiced precisely zero times so far, and it’s probably the weirdest thing I’ve ever asked him to play.

“He’ll get it,” Chris muses, watching Matt and Jeff take Mike through the pattern for the nth time.

“And if not, big fucking deal, it’s gonna be fun no matter what.”

“Should be,” he turns to me with his face split in a wide grin. “Are the girls gonna show up?”

“To the show, or here?” I concentrate my attention on the label of my beer can as though it’s the most fascinating design I’ve ever seen. Anything to avoid this conversation.

He shrugs. “Either. Both.”

“Beats me.” I really wish I knew, but hassling Cora about the show, or even stopping by Cyclops to try and get her attention, feels all wrong lately. She doesn’t need me breathing down her neck right now… Jesus, no harm in thinking about other scenarios that involve breathing down her neck, though, right?

“Huh. What gives? You guys still not done being idiots yet?”

“They’re always idiots,” Mike yells over his shoulder as he fucks up the riff yet again.

“Idiots who can count to seven,” I snarl, before lowering my voice so only Chris can hear. “Anyway, she’s kinda laying low lately, so I’d be surprised if she shows up, either here or Tuesday.”

“Laying low? How come?”

Oh, fuck, I keep forgetting that not everybody knows. Should I tell him? It’s really not my story to tell, and she’s so private about everything, she might murder me if she knew I told anyone.

“She still sick?” Chris presses.

“Nah,” Jeff corrects, “fuckin’ Alex had a girl on the side for like the last year, she just found out about it the other day. Walked in on them, I think.”

So much for giving Cora her privacy, although I guess that was too much to hope for with this crowd. At least I didn’t have to be the one blabbing about it, though. Thanks, Ames. Maybe if I just sit here and pound this beer, the conversation will move on soon?

“Shit…” Chris mumbles, looking slowly between Jeff and me.

“Yeah. I mean good riddance, always hated the guy and I’m fuckin’ glad he’s not my neighbor anymore, but I think Cora’s still in pretty bad shape.”

“But that means she’s single now, right?” Mike calls.

“Hey, look who finally learned math,” I kick myself for chiming back in, but Mike’s just such an easy target.

“So if she’s single, what are you waiting around for?” he goes on, and just like that, all eyes are back on me. Shit, I should have kept my mouth shut. “The two of you need to figure your thing out and just fuck already, the puppy eyes routine is getting old.”

“‘Just fuck already,’” I repeat bitterly, “Jeeesus. Does Dear Abby know about you?”

“He’s got a point,” Jeff piles on, while Chris’s eyes continue to bounce back and forth like he’s watching a ping pong tournament. “You guys just need to work it out.”

“Look, she just broke up with the guy! You think I want to be her rebound?”

If I’m being I’m honest, I don’t give a fuck what we call it. I’ll gladly be her rebound. I can handle it. I can work with that. I think even being her rebound sounds a whole lot healthier than where we’ve been, or what she’s had to deal with from Alex. And I definitely don’t need Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber here to give me relationship advice or tell me what I want. But that’s the whole fucking point, it’s not just about what I want, I’m trying to give her the space she needs. She gets that, right? Why doesn’t anybody else?

“Kinda stupid to worry about being her rebound if you’re already together, dude.”

“We are not together!”

“You’re not not together, though,” Mike butts in.

“Oh, excellent, the relationship guru speaks again. How about this, if I wanna be used for a bunch of meaningless sex with a girl who won’t even give me her phone number, you’ll be the first one I run to for advice.”

“You say that like it’s bad,” Mike shrugs.

“Alright Dr. Ruth, can you count to seven yet or what?”

To my relief, everyone seems willing to drop the topic and get back to playing, at least for a little while. But I’m the one who botches a chord when Lucy jogs down the stairs and takes a seat on the beat-up couch, because I’m too busy keeping an eye out on the stairwell for Cora to concentrate properly on playing. But soon, we’ve practiced as much as any of us feel we need to for today, and we’re packing up to leave, and Cora still hasn’t shown up. Not that I had any good reason to expect her to be here. It’s not like I specifically asked her to come. I’m starting to feel pretty shitty about that. It was lazy of me to assume that she’d show up just because Lucy planned to. I probably should have called her and asked her. I should definitely tell her I want her to be at our show. Maybe I’ve taken this “giving her space” thing a little too far. It’s been almost a week since we’ve seen or talked to each other, and we didn’t exactly part on the most crystal clear of terms. I’ve spent most of the intervening time replaying that kiss, thinking about what I should have done differently, what I should have told her instead of just leaving…

But she understands, right? We’ve been honest with each other. I feel secure about that much, at least. She knows how I feel about her. There’s no point in beating a dead horse. It was definitely the right decision not to let things get out of hand so soon after her breakup. And whatever these assholes say, it’s definitely still too soon. I’d feel like a total jerk just dropping by her work, or her place, and pushing her into anything she’s not ready for. When she’s ready to talk about it again, I’ll be here.

“Stone? You gonna take up residence down there or what?” Lucy calls.

Jesus, when did everyone leave? I grab my bag and follow them up the stairs and out onto the street. Mike and Chris have already disappeared, and Jeff’s kneeling down on the ground, occupied in an argument with his ancient bike lock, which is remaining stubbornly locked despite his best caveman efforts to jerk it open. Lucy’s standing a few paces away from him, and I spot my opportunity.

“So, uh, Cora had work, I take it?” I ask under my breath, walking backwards a few steps in the hope she’ll follow.

Lucy’s too focused on inexplicably picking crumbs out of her jacket pocket to look at me right away, but she gets the hint and trails after me so we can keep our voices down and be drowned out by Jeff’s grumbling. “Think so. I mean, her shift’s probably already done, but she wanted to catch up on school stuff.” Her gaze bounces up, having cleared the offending debris. “Have you talked to her lately?”

“You did tell me to leave her alone, as I recall.”

“I told you no such thing. I told you to keep it in your pants –”

“– check –”

“– not completely disappear. And ew, Stone, I don’t literally want an update about your pants parts.”

“I haven’t disappeared, I just wanted to give her a little space.”

Her face rearranges into that same menacing squint from the stairwell. “Not calling her for a week’s kind of extreme, don’t you think?”

Shit… maybe I did take this too far. “Did she tell you that?”

But before Lucy can respond, Jeff straightens up in the background and finally frees his bike.

“Got it! It’s that hunk of rust in the bike rack, it’s been there for like two years and it’s fucking impossible to work around.”

He kicks at a long-abandoned object barely recognizable as a bicycle, covered in grime and rust, leaning pathetically against the frame of the rack. I wave goodbye to the two of them as they head in the direction of their building, my attention now caught up in the rusty bike. I give it a good shake, and apart from needing essentially every part replaced, the frame itself seems to be intact. About the right size, too. It’s perfect. I try to pull it free myself, but the bike lock restraining it is still in decent enough shape to put up a fight. This is going to take more imagination.

***

Sunday, November 11th, 1990

“A Swayze double feature and you didn’t even get Road House? What kind of bullshit is that?”

Cora rummages through the video store bag on her kitchen counter, pouting at the movies I chose.

“Call me crazy, I’m just not in a throat-rippy-outty mood.”

“First time for everything,” she smirks, tearing into an enormous bag of red licorice, “but at least you got the right junk food.”

“Come on, not even you can argue with Dirty Dancing. And I couldn’t get any of you fuckers to see Ghost with me in theaters, so here’s your payback.”

“Christ. I’m gonna need something stronger than these to get through all this romance shit,” she chuckles around a Twizzler. “It’s official… we need brownies.”

“Only if you make them. You know I can’t bake to save my life.”

“What’s the old saying? Give a woman a brownie, feed her for a day…” she says, her back to me as she starts pulling baking supplies out of an upper cabinet.

“And at least she’ll have one glorious brownie and no food poisoning from trying to attempt the recipe herself?”

“You underestimate my teaching abilities. Just make your own batch and do as I say.” She gives a banged-up metal baking pan a blind toss over her shoulder, and I just barely manage to catch it. “Here, you make your batch in that one so you can take it back to Jeff’s when you go.”

I know that if I try to pry more information out of her about Eddie coming over for dinner, she’s just going to clam up, so as much as I’m dying to know what happened, I keep the questions to myself. What did they talk about for an entire evening? Since when do the two of them just hang out by themselves? Have I missed something between them, or is this a new development? Does Eddie know about her whole… situation with Stone? Wait a minute, I’m jumping the gun, does any of it even matter? Maybe they’re just two lonely, recently dumped people keeping each other company and it’s completely harmless, like she says. Yeah, right, sure, what could possibly go wrong with that?

“Speaking of Jeff, I feel like a shitty friend,” she goes on, pulling cocoa and sugar and who knows what other kind of baking potions out of the cabinet, “how’s stuff going there?”

Whoops. I guess I can’t complain about Cora not telling me anything lately, can I? I haven’t exactly opened up to her about my latest worries.

“It’s fine…” I stall, pretending to read the index card she’s just pulled out of nowhere with the brownie recipe on it, like it’s going to do me any good at all.

“‘Fine?’ No way. Shot first, then spill.”

She plunks a plastic bottle of tequila down in front of me and slides a shot glass over. I guess I earned that.

“Euggghh,” I fight my gag reflex after downing the garbage tequila, “are you sure that’s not nail polish remover? Anyway, everything’s really fine, there’s nothing wrong, it’s just…”

“Say fine again and you take another shot.”

“Alright! I swear, it’s not bad, he just…”

“Lucyyy? What did he do? Do I need to kill him?”

“No! God, no, he just asked me to move in with him.”

She clutches her heart and staggers backward. “Oh, the horror! What did you say to such a depraved request?”

“I told him I needed to think about it.”

“How long ago was this?”

“Uhm… last week? Same day as the whole… thing… here.” I wave my hand around the apartment, still not sure if we’re at the point in her mourning process where I can mention Alex by name or if I should keep pretending he never existed. So far she hasn’t brought him up, so I’ve been taking cues from her.

“And you haven’t talked about it since then? Jesus, you’re an ice queen. Poor guy.”

“Oh, it’s even weirder than that, he seems to think we talked about it once before, but I can’t even remember. I’m the world’s worst girlfriend.”

“Here, see this list of dry stuff? Measure, then mix.” She hands me a whisk and a big bowl, and I try to imitate what she’s doing with her own batch but I can’t help getting flour everywhere and have to pause for another shot just to get my bearings. Cora follows suit. “You’re definitely not the world’s worst girlfriend, I think that title belongs… elsewhere. But he probably deserves an answer soon, don’t you think?”

“I just…”

“SUGAR!”

“What?” Her shout makes me spill even more of the white substance I’m doing a sloppy job of measuring.

“One and a quarter cups sugar, Lucy, you’re pouring out salt!”

“Oh, for the love of…”

Cora bursts out laughing and produces a funnel with which to pour my mountain of salt back into the canister. “You were saying?”

“I don’t know, things are just really good right now, and I don’t see any reason to change them. I really like having my own place.”

My chest feels instantly lighter, having expressed the worry to the one person who probably won’t judge me for feeling it. It’s got nothing to do with Jeff. Jeff’s amazing. So amazing that I’m constantly wondering when something’s going to go terribly wrong and screw up our entire relationship, because I have no previous evidence to suggest that relationships ever last this long without something getting screwed up. Cora thinks for a long moment before handing me the jar of actual sugar.

“Sure, that makes perfect sense. I kind of envy you, honestly, having your own apartment and being able to keep just that little bit of distance. I never really figured that out. If that’s what you need, that doesn’t make you the world’s worst girlfriend.”

“Not talking to him about it kinda does, though.”

“Maybe a little. What’s his plan, though? Does he want you to move into his place or does he want to move downstairs?”

“We haven’t talked about it, I have no clue.”

“Hey, watch what you’re doing, you’re getting eggshell in the batter… and what about Eddie?”

Eddie again, huh? Even apart from the very salient point she’s just raised about my situation, it’s weird that she thought of him before I did. She’s definitely got him on the brain…

“Ugh, shit, I have no idea. I can’t ask him to move out, that would be cruel. He doesn’t know anyone else here yet! And I bet he can’t afford a place of his own.”

“I didn’t say it was a reason not to, I was just wondering if you’d thought about it. And yeah, I don’t know how anyone our age manages not to have a roommate. You corporate fat-cat types with your fancy job things and your big bloated paychecks and your bejeweled monocles, you sicken me. I’m gonna have to start selling plasma soon if I don’t figure out a better way to afford this place by myself.”

“Maybe I should just move in with you, that would solve things.”

“Somewhat undercuts your argument about liking having the apartment all to yourself, though.”

“Ooh, logic, that definitely earns a shot. Maybe a double.”

We go several more rounds debating my boyfriend dilemma, and even though we don’t come up with an answer, it feels good to talk to her about it. I probably shouldn’t have waited so long, but it felt selfish to bring it up with everything going on in her life. If it bothers her, though, she isn’t letting on. Soon the brownies are in the oven and Dirty Dancing is on the TV, and for a while neither of us have to think about guy troubles, at least, any guy troubles unrelated to Patrick Swayze’s hips.

“Fuck me, I always forget about that ‘I carried a watermelon’ thing,” Cora sputters as she gets up to check on the brownies. “Most relatable scene ever filmed.”

I cackle, spilling a little wine into my lap as I twist to shout after her, “how do they look?”

“Uh, you want the good news or the bad news first?”

“Shit…”

“I mean the good news is, they look like they’re going to taste okay, no thanks to you. But I think I forgot to tell you to butter the pan first…” she holds the pan in question upside down and shakes it, freeing only a couple crumbs, and dissolving in a fit of snort laughter.

“Don’t blame me, I was just following orders!”

Cora returns with a second bottle of wine and her pan of brownies, which release from the pan much more obediently than the solid brick I baked, and we make short work of both the brownies and the wine. We’re just getting to the big finale dance scene when there’s an abrupt knock on the door that makes both of our drunk asses jump.

“DID YOU MAKE BROWNIES??”

Since it’s my dumbass boyfriend’s voice bellowing at the door, I’m the one who gets up to answer it, and sure enough, there’s Jeff, flanked by Eddie and Mike, with Stone hanging a ways back pretending to be interested in something down the hallway. They all look drunker than we do, which must have taken some effort.

“They DID!” Mike shouts, elbowing past me and making a beeline for Cora’s kitchen. Before either she or I can say anything, he’s attacking the solid mass of brownie in my pan with a fork, undeterred by the aesthetics. Cora’s watching him with a mix of amusement and horror, and I turn back to Jeff for answers.

“Are you guys drunk?”

“Who’sh drunk?” Mike retorts, confirming the answer.

“We, uh, stopped by Cyclops for a few rounds after practice –” Jeff explains.

“– and whose idea was that?” I ask as quietly as I can, watching Stone fidget in the background and Eddie looking like he’s trying to summon an interdimensional portal in the floor beneath his shoes, as usual.

“– but then we remembered you guys would be here doing your movie night thing, and the food’s free here, which is a vast improvement over Cyclops, so…”

I look back at Cora, who’s already getting up from the couch with a grin on her face, resigned to feeding the inebriated invaders. But then her face blanches as if she’s seen a ghost, and I realize she’s only just now noticed Stone. She hurries into the kitchen and sticks her face in the fridge.

“No Matt? Chris?” she calls.

“No, Matt ditched us after practice for a date, and Chris said he’d be by later, he wanted to make  a detour on the way,” Eddie says, slinking past me with a mumbled apology, followed by Stone.

“What part of girls’ night did you not understand?” I round on Jeff, but he’s looking so sheepish that it’s impossible to stay mad at him for long. I settle for a bite of his lip before I let him into the apartment.

***

“Sorry we crashed your movie night,” an unmistakable low rumble says behind me as I’m pulling a six pack out of the fridge.

“Are you kidding? Did you see her selections? I should be thanking you for the distraction.” I straighten up and see Eddie standing in my kitchen, shoulders hunched but barely containing a tight-lipped smile.

“How bad can it be?”

But the sound of Mike and Jeff singing along with Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes answers his question, and he gives a somber nod.

“As long as they don’t attempt the lift, we should be okay. Here, if you have lingering guilt about ruining our evening, your punishment is that you get to take your pan home and clean it, it’s a disaster.”

He takes the baking pan from me, inspecting the caked-on brownie mess left behind after Cready ravaged the edible contents. “Thanks, sorry, I didn’t mean to leave it here.”

Rather than responding, I watch him studying the pan for a moment. I wish I could figure out what to make of this guy. He’s always around at the worst possible moments. It’s a punchline at this point – if I have a horrible day, or if I’m doing my best to be left alone, I know to keep my eyes peeled for Eddie, because I’m bound to run into him. The weird thing is that I don’t even mind it as much anymore. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t expect anything of me, or maybe it’s that we have a weird amount of things in common and I don’t ever feel as though I have to explain myself to him, I don’t know. I’m just… I’m just really glad I met him when I did, and I have no idea how to tell him that without making him uncomfortable, especially since I’m starting to choke up, which is a completely horrifying development.

“Hey, Eddie, I –”

But before I can say anything else, my front door bursts open again, and this time it’s Chris, wearing a wicked smile and carrying large boxes under either arm.

“I come bearing gifts!”

Eddie and I trade winces and then head into the other room to figure out what kind of havoc he’s brought with him. The larger of the two boxes is a 24-pack of shitty beer, which is pretty much par for the course. It’s the label on the other box that I can’t quite… oh my god, he wouldn’t…

“Safety first, Smokey,” he sing-songs as he pushes a value-sized box of condoms against my chest, shoving harder and harder until I finally put my hands on it or risk being knocked over. “Welcome to the dating pool, you’re gonna hate it.”

“Already do,” I cringe, doing my best to ignore the wolf-whistles and applause from the couch behind me. “I’ll just… put these… somewhere…”

“Somewhere you can reach ‘em! Don’t listen to the Pope, you’re gonna need ‘em, it’s a jungle out there!” Chris calls after me as I chuck them into the darkness of my bedroom and close the door, hoping like hell that they’ll land somewhere inconspicuous and I won’t have to relive this mortification ever again. He’s wrong, I’m not gonna need them, they’ll expire before I ever crack open the box, it’s not like there’s a line of dudes beating down my door… I mean, apart from these idiots… and not for reasons that would require prophylactics… oh god, stop thinking about Stone… ugh, I hate my life…

The movie’s already starting by the time I re-join everyone in the living room. Chris is sprawled on the armchair, Mike’s co-opted all of the pillows from my window seat to make himself a nest on the floor, Eddie’s sitting primly in a dining room chair he dragged a few inches away from the table, Lucy’s sitting on Jeff’s lap on one end of the couch, and the only remaining seat, naturally, because that’s how this night is going, is between the two of them and Stone, who’s seated at the other end. He’s got one arm stretched out along the back of the couch and his eyes on the screen, and I’m debating whether I should risk sitting down next to him or find some excuse to avoid it, like washing dishes or lighting myself on fire, when his gaze flickers up to me. In a movement that’s almost a flinch, he folds at the elbow and starts fidgeting with his own ponytail, not entirely removing his arm from behind the only available seat, but at least freeing up a little space, so I take that as a sign that it’s okay for me to sit down. I can feel his obnoxious, beautiful, searching eyes on me as I do, and I do my best to shrink into the cushion, take up as little space as I can, breathe more quietly than normal, anything to avoid the reality that this is the closest together we’ve been since I kissed him. I fold my knees up underneath my chin, hoping he can’t tell that my heart’s racing. Why can’t I just be normal around him now?

“You got enough space?” he whispers. I nod, unwilling to look over at him even though I know he’s still staring at me. I wish he wouldn’t. I wish he didn’t look so at home on my sofa. I wish he wasn’t so cute in a baseball cap. I wish he didn’t smell so good. I wish I could stop cataloging his every distracting fidget with the label of his beer bottle or a piece of lint on the couch. For the first and probably last time ever, I wish I could just pay excruciatingly close attention to Ghost.

That last wish turns out to be a mistake when the main characters start fornicating over a pottery wheel to one of the most romantic songs of all time barely ten minutes into the film. Just fucking kill me, this scene goes on forever! Why won’t Stone move his fucking arm from behind the couch?! As if on cue, he leans over and gives a nervous chuckle in my ear.

“They’re really establishing the hell out of this sex scene, huh?”

I can’t bring myself to look at him again, so I just nod, hoping it’s too dark for him to see how red my face is.

“Wait, wait, their hands are clean now! When did they take the time to wash off all that clay?” Jeff shouts, as if he’s disagreeing with a ref’s call at a basketball game. “YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG, PATRICK!”

“Jesus, Demi Moore’s sculpting phallic pottery half naked, and you’re paying attention to their handwashing habits?” Stone cranes his neck to gawk at Jeff behind me. “You’re a lucky girl, Lucy.” I lean forward to dodge Jeff’s swipe, which hits its target with a satisfying smack.

Fortunately, the rest of the movie is significantly less embarrassing, and although I’d never admit it to Lucy, it’s not completely terrible. Nearly everyone else has fallen asleep by the time it’s over, with Stone and me seemingly the only ones who manage to stay awake despite the somniferous effect of all the booze and sugar. I don’t know what his excuse is, but I’m still feeling completely wired just from sitting next to him. God, this is why I was single all throughout high school, I can’t just be normal around a guy I have feelings for, I have to make everything awkward for myself. That, and I imbue every little interaction with too much meaning, I mean, he’s probably just watching the movie, there’s no way he’s sitting here analyzing my every movement out of the corner of his eye, the way I’ve been doing to him. At this age, I should know better than to let my expectations run away with me, right? I’m so stupid. This is what we are now, we’re just friends, I need to get that through my head.

And speaking of unrealistic expectations, when the whole group eventually wakes up and heads for the door, I find myself idiotically hoping Stone will circle back after saying goodnight just to say something privately to me, and of course it doesn’t happen. He leaves with everyone else, because what would he even have to say to me? It’s all in my head, anyway.