#i dont know how to be a person anymore and i feel like im losing my mind

[mackmp3]

☕how the writers delt with river song

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP THEY DID MY GIRL SO DIRTY there are so many. good river song moments. and there are so manythat make me want to tear a strip off steven moffat like every goddamn episode with her they have to make some obnoxious sex joke or some Honey Im Home type shit & i understand this is like. A Moffat Theme & i dont always hate it but goddddd its so reductive like there is so much!!!! that could be done with her character !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is overshadowed by haha what if she was sexy like STOPPPPPPPPPPPP.

like silence in the library was a really good character lead in & i like her!!! as a character !!!! even the overly flirtatiousness unfortunately that would work on me but even aside from that. she is a good character let down but the sheer pull-it-out-of-your-ass writing of her backstory. like?? she could regenerate cos she was conceived in the tardis okay thats really cool much weirder stuff has happened when it comes to tardises & making babies but then WE SeE THIS FOR LIKE. ONE OR TWO EPISODES BEFORE THEYRE LIKE WHOOPS THAT DOESNT WORK ACTUALLY COS SHE'S DEAD UHHH SHE BETTER UHMM IDK SAVE TH E DOCTOR OR SOMETHING WHATEVER> COS HER ENTIRE LIFE HAS TO REVOLVE AROUND HIM. HASHTAG MARRIAGE AMIRITE like even the fact that her entire life was shaped around him isnt a Bad Idea it just feels like no one considered the tragic impies (implications) of this, & simultaneously doing amy so dirty in the process as well like??? she loses baby mels & then discovers she was her (never previously mentioned) childhood friend but then she uhhhh dies & turns into this woman you already know and them????? barely eveer mention it again???? holy shit?????????????????????? amy & river is a freaking horror story but one that the writers seem imcapable of dealing with because sOMEONE is too busy making obnoxious jokes about married life

a lot of thsi is specific to the General Vibes of the eleven era stuff as well which was in general so so weird about women & while its not like twelve or any of teh other doctors are expemt from this eleven is a massive dick to people quite a bit & a lot of this falls on river b/c he is seemingly (iirc i havent seen some of this stuff for a while though it Haunts Me) almost careless? with her? like a sort of 'welllllll she's here now so it was all okay in the end :)' sort of attitude ignoring that she went through A Fuckton Of Stuff before she was even a concious human(mostly??) being

even the husbands of river song is tragically guilty of some of that stuff like. she's seen some wild shit & she should have known it was twelve wayyyyyy way way quicker. like i understand why she didnt for plot reasons but she is in fact very intellegent like. she's allowed to show that. unfortunatley sometimes women cant be smart & have their boobs out at that same time I GUESSSSSSSSS

also the nine & river audios from earlier this year? i really like archipelago i listened to that a couple of times & i thought it was really powerful but AGAIN the writers make river So Fucking Obsessed With Romance like. you'd let it go by that point. nine had literally just proved he's the most aro guy in the universe (good for him) and shes stillllllll flirting at him. which. imo she wouldnt do anymore because, shock horror, she does actually like him as a person & values his company and you would think you would be friends wit hthe guy YOU ARE GONG TO MARRY OR WHATEVER. NOT THAT THEIR MARRIAGE WAS PARTICULARLY ROMANTIC EITHERIM GONNA BE SO REAL. obviously sex is important to her & good for her but yikes. it doesnt need to be mentioned so often.

like its the whole 'inherent tragedy of waiting for a time traveller' stuff which i do eat up every time meeting her in silence of the library & knowong that there is so much more there - VERY COMPELLING !! really good character intro augahagaauuaajaaajahhahahahhhh but nooooo her Entire Fucking Goddman Life has to revolve around being manipulated & The Doctor AS WELL AS !! the completely uncalled for ohhhh im a PSYCHOPATH ( <- unfounded & demonstrably untrue lowkey this is saneism right. thats an ableism there yes? ) thing they alllwaysssss have her say like well!! shes not !! theres 'youre talking about commiting a murder'/'no im not, i'm actually commiting a murder' which i like & is funny & she would say that and then theres teh vauge oooohhhhh im so Freaky & I Have A Gun or whatevr like augsugsaihuahahaouoauauoouauoauoauoauuo

also twelve & river had freaky t4t bi4bi aroallo sex after the end of husbands of river song but no actual dw writer is enlightened enough to see that because they have to flatten her into The Doctors Wife & she would have had a far better dynamic with 12 than with 11 (not that i'm biased) i wish they got more time togetherrrrrrrrrrr also you should listen to the bekdel test (diary of river song audio with missy)

[puppyeared]

learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way

[kingprinceleo]

Maybe doing another or a new hobby can help ! Maybe baking could help, even if u are not really good at it from the get go, is a fun thing to try out

i really should try to get into other hobbies but its very hard!! i have really bad perfectionism habits and immediately drop things im not instantly good at jfdgn and the Horrors make it hard for me to squeeze dopamine out of anything </3 tbh if anyone has suggestions for like, cheap things to do im listening fdbhjghjb

[bunnihearted]

i've also realized that there is no therapy that can fix what's broken inside of me

[phagodyke]

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

[saeshiraw]

tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

[wolfisland]

dont get me wrong. i am absolutely a problem, often. im very cutting and blunt a lot of the time. people tend to find it funny til they realise i am deadly fucking serious. i definitely have anger issues. im a "i forgive you but i wont forget this" type. but i dont think im unkind, genuinely. i think it was just jarring for a lot of shitty people in my life when i stopped letting them treat me like shit. which makes sense, i just disrupted the fuckhead routine of like 6 white autistics. woe are they. but really honest god gun to my head i cant bring myself to feel bad about it. half of those friendships made me feel like shit about myself anyways.

[our-lady-of-mcr]

everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn

[flovverworks]

after a billion yrs i added a lil line about my gbf verse.....<3 one day i might flesh it out to something in-universe, but since gbf is so "oh ure from another world? ya that happens..." i....am gonna keep w that..........(also cuz i do think discussing the different ways of magic, moon-enemy & this n that is more fun like this

[hirokiyuu]

i lov nem a lot im just thinking abt her.......... traumatized girls always end up being highkey faves of mine so like, no wonder

[dreamcast-official]

hm.

[caruliaa]

losing something you once had feels so much worse iv learned then realising youll never get something you never had

[bunnihearted]

🕸️

[velocitic]

something on my mind lately that i'm not sure entirely how to phrase is like - this is mostly targeted at white trans influencer types, but i find something very grating on the kind of body negativity posting i see in relation to dealing with body dysmorphia. now, body dysmorphia/dysphoria are something that anyone can experience, and not everyone does, and it's different for different people. however, i take issue with the content made around learning how to "pass" by hiding your body, and specifically the language used for it. primarily i see this around "wide hips", and i do see the need and/or want for clothing tips that help people feel comfortable in their bodies, and i don't think there is anything intrinsically wrong with this content's primary goal. however, as trans owned/focused fashion brands are becoming more in number, i'm finding that the representatives i am seeing for these brands are overwhelmingly white, skinny, transmasc individuals. and the language used to market their products is one that is, i think, meant to be addressing dysphoria, but it comes across to me as a narrowly defined negative view. as someone with a larger chest and a larger/stockier frame, all of the tips about "hiding" my wider hips can do nothing tangible for my appearance. you cannot hide genuinely large/noticeable features of your body; trust me, i've tried for years to do so, and sometimes i still try in vain to wear the straight jeans and the special cut tee shirts, and it just leaves me feeling worse because i am not the target audience of these tips. i am not skinny. i also do not think i subscribe to this belief that wide hips are a "dead giveaway" that will prevent you from passing; i think that (and other such beliefs) honestly is rooted in bioessentialist beliefs that i wish we would all unpack and be a lot better off without.

it is not to say that skinny trans people's issues with their bodies are not valid or not okay to talk about. but i do think that rebranding body negativity into the language of progressive thought is unfair and cruel whether it is shaving razor ads telling women that they are beautiful no matter what but that doesn't mean stop shaving, or if it is a skinny, flat chested, white trans person telling me that all trans people are wonderful but more importantly how much their wide hips bother them - and how a product can "fix" both of these issues.

and how am i meant to feel about this whole thing, anyway? if this skinny person's hips are too wide, then what the hell is wrong with me? there is inherent comparison in self hate. putting yourself down will only lead to holding bias against those who are "worse" than you (whether you're aware of it or not) & broadcasting to all the other people with the feature you hate about yourself are surely also ugly or inferior in the same way you believe yourself to be. i don't think body dysmorphia should not be talked about. i do think that talking about it in the language of product placement and brand marketing is doomed from the start. when a skinny person says that their hips are too wide, their jaw is too soft, they hate their nose and with a chest like theirs they'll never pass, i earnestly have no idea what to possibly say, because in their self hate they have entirely vilified me. i am short and stocky with muscle and my jaw is soft and i have acne and wide hips and a large chest. how am i meant to feel safe with those who believe my features to be their worst nightmare? how can i build community with you when i can imagine how you preen in the mirror over your 110 lb build and how awful it is?

this is what is meant when we talk about self love as a form of resistance. you cannot expect to be a safe person as long as you hate yourself for being human.

[cambion-companion]

💭

[therosevest]

things have not been normal. im so tired.