#im atp where i feel like i either need to talk about it with them or pull back.

[mangoes-and-mothman]

this is not productive

[pansy-picnics]

hi:3

im veryyyyy much a lurker i do not put myslef "out there" alot(most of my asks r to my mutuals but im TRYING to het out of mh shell so...)

ANYWYAS HAI:3 uhhh one of ur uknighted dream/new dream kids looks reallh pretyy(i think its the oldest one idk hlp), BTW I LOVE emery but i wanna know more about the ukd kids, so like if u have the past posts u made about them or like... IDK HELP i just wanna know more aboutvtjem bcuz ive seen them a couple times and theyre really cutie☹️

also like i scream whenever you use she/her on hugo because YOU LITERALLY GET IT LIEK OMG🙏🙏🙏 i apologize this is very rambly but liek ur art is so sosososoososo pretty & ur hcs and aus and AUGH iys so GRASHSH, so like ya byebhue:33

AHHH THANK YOU FOR THE ASK IM SOSO HAPPY 🥹🥹💕💕💕 I LOVE ALL MY LURKERS BUT I LOVE IT SM WHEN YOU GUYS COMMENT OR ASK ME STUFF TEEHEE

All three of the ukd kids are GORGEOUS ngl so i assume you’re thinking of ilmari but i can’t rule out the twins either…..Eugene and raps have some good ass genes I’ll tell you that.

Also i’m glad people appreciate my feminization of hugo. I just she/her him by default atp i refuse to hide it any longer this is what the WOKE LEFT WANTS!!!!! He’s so androgynous it’s like if a man and a woman had a baby. I need to kick that f slur into the sun

Anyways…Ough….I HAVE been neglecting the ukd kids a lot lately though i hate to admit it. i love them just as much and i know what’s going on with them too… but the truth is their characters just didn’t “click” into place quite as well emery’s did i think

To be quite honest emery came to me in a vision. Like. “Eccentric cutesy teenage girl who reads bad smut and practices dubiously ethical medicine”. And that is the perfect archetype to me. Literally no notes. Ilmari and the twins on the other hand have….Taken a little longer to perfect. and ive had a LOT of people tell me they want to know more about them but i just haven’t gotten to it yet. Sometimes i wonder why emery is the fan favorite but then i remember i Barely talk about anyone else so. Oops

I have a pretty good idea of them now though i THINK? so i for SURE need to infodump AHSJSJDJFFG Ill put the rest of my more detailed thoughts below the cut uhhhh

Uhhh. Basically. Ryder is the golden child whos really expressive and energetic like raps but very anxious and neurotic. He’s honestly kind of the straight man of yhe group. Most people think it’s ilmari but this is Wrong. Eldest child syndrome despite being the middle child. Workaholic but he fucking hates his job. Stressed out 24/7 and hasn’t slept in 2 weeks. needs to be liked by EVERYONE or he will DIE.

Alina is the baby she’s kinda varian and cass core. Always in the shadow of ryder or ilmari, but shes had support where it matters, so she’s never really cared. She was the shy quiet kid growing up but now he is full of Rage. very clingy, headstrong and stubborn. Strong leader and always tries to take control but his older siblings dont rlly take him seriously. Kind of a smartass and a drama queen but specifically in an old hollywood detective kind of way

ilmari……quiet, blunt, dry and emotionally unavailable. Horse girl and the king of not giving a fuck. they’re a free spirit, and since they were the first to leave the nest theyre always just kinda Wandering. Doesn’t speak unless spoken to. They typically come off as very weird and unsettling, but they are very gentle and compassionate when it comes down to it, they’re just Bad at feelings. They’re silly i promise but they have that like dry ass adira ttpe humor.

I think one of the main reasons the twins are so hard for me to describe is bc i’ve failed to disclose their Main Gimmick, which is that they’re meant to start out as the the typical boy/girl twin trope— where ones shy, anxious and kinda nerdy, and the other one is charismatic, eccentric and extroverted— but by their teenage years, they’ve pretty much completely swapped in every regard: fashion sense and presentation, personality, mannerisms, etc.

they both have some core traits that are stuck to them for their entire lives, and are obviously still undeniably the same characters, but their overall archetypes kind of swap entirely.

as little kids, alina is the timid, reserved, kind of fluttershy-esque type, and is a bit more of the observant, logical “by-the-books” one. meanwhile ryder is the bouncy, outspoken wild child, to the point of being kind of ditzy and careless at times, but hes very emotional and has no trouble making his voice heard.

as they get older, though, alina, with a strong support system, is eventually able to find his voice and speak up for himself, and after years of being silent, he becomes kind of the rebel of the family. he’s intelligent, calculated, and very stubborn about what he believes in. plus, shes spent most of her life observing, so she has a very good understanding of whats going on around her- and a passion for leadership that’s reminiscent of cassandra’s. alina ends up being a very hardheaded, outspoken and emotional individual who’s eager to take a stand and is deeply afraid of being a burden on her loved ones, or worse, never accomplishing anything at all. She is also Soooo fucking angry like all the time and she NEEDS constant validation SO BAD or she will DIE. #Teenagerthings.

Meanwhile ryder, as coronas Golden Child, has the most pressure on him out of all the kids, and slowly becomes more anxious and closed off as he gets older. at his core he’s compassionate, creative, and kind of weird and snarky, but he gets lost in his own head very easily. he cares WAYYYYY too much what other people think of him and is 100% willing to just. Change and/or destroy himself to meet other peoples expectations. this is why he is a horrible choice for coronas heir and unfortunately, because hes REALLY good at masking, it takes everyone WAY TOO LONG to realize this. Even when he learns some decent coping mechanisms ryder always remains kind of a workaholic, neurotic and anxious person. Massive perfectionist also. he has ISSUES. 😭😭😭

the court: We’ve made the perfect heir for corona

rapunzel, gesturing to ryder: You fucked up my perfectly good kid is what you did!!!! Look at him!!!! He’s got anxiety!!!!!!

ILMARI!! ILMARI MY BABYGIRL!!!!!! Ilmaris honestly so so SO bad at feelings they are so distant but i swear they TRY THEIR BEST they just have AUTISM 😭🙏Unlike the twins ilmari doesn’t really have a huge change in character LOL…But i need to talk more about the trios dynamic, cuz they’re all VERY close especially when they were little. Once ilmaris traveling on their own, though, their relationship is a little more strained……..like i said ilmari is very much a wanderer, and they don’t write much either. Obviously they send like monthly letters to ukd out of obligation (cass and eugene especially get CRAZY paranoid otherwise…..) as well as some gifts to the family whenever they can but. Their letters highkey read like business emails LOL.

Ilmaris in a weird place where they do truly care about their family but like….They still feel a big disconnect from their identity and relationships in general. The emotional neglect from their birth mother and the autism have mixed together in the worst way possible and emotions are just never something they really Get.

I think especially in early adulthood they dont really have anywhere where they truly feel like they belong- So they kinda just fuck off to do whatever. They don’t see much of a need to communicate with anyone, mostly cuz i dont think it clicks in their head that people might Want to know about that stuff GAHAHAHAAHA

this is hard on ukd and the twins who end up feeling like mari just…. slips in and out of their lives so easily 💔 DO NOT FRET THOUGH!!!!! They do visit and they improve at communicating over time….their letters are still Corporate email core but they’re more frequent at least. And they eventually come back to corona for good to take over the library when var and hugo retire

Uhhhh I think thats it for rn this is kind of just me screaming incoherently but this ask has made me start working on a new art post abt the ukd kids FOR THE MASSES. 🤞🤞🤞🤞 i need you guys to understand my autistic brainwaves. Heres some incorrect quotes i did with them also cuz they’re sillyyyyyy

[bibibi-tchx]

Sorry for sending a lot of asks, but do you think when little Dom see's one of his caregivers sad, he gives them his most prized items like Mine or his blanket? Because in little Dom's mind, these things make him happy, so they should make them happy too, right?

dont be sorry- yalls anons may take time to be seen on the tl but i schedule these so dw about spamming <3 keeps the writer in me alive during exam season

anyways YES

like he’ll hear them talking all hush hush around him, but he knows for sure he aint in trouble cus they all smile and coo at him, so it deffo aint him!

then it deffo aint jd either, cus if it was jd, his papi wld look mad- but instead he looks sad, bcus dom pouts when hes upset, and it looks like his papi is pouting too!

dunno why dame wld be upset, but jus roll w me here anon

plus, daddy and mami are hugging papi, and from where dom is sitting on the floor with all of his toys, he can spot some tears from damian

which may or may not cause dom to start crying, but he’s only crying bcus papi is. so then he’ll like scoot over on his bottom, blankie and lamb in one hand, and pacifier in his mouth

looking up to damian with the biggest puppy eyes, and the head tilt to match, dom jus moves his arms upwards

damian gears himself to prepare with an upset baby, even though he has no idea why dominik could be upset as theres no way he got hurt or anything

finn n rhea are WATCHING 👀

the moment damian opens his mouth to comfort dominik, dom takes the paci from his mouth n just slots it into his papis with a lil “sh, papi! s’ kay, we’s gotchu! mami an’ dada got you!” bcus thats what damian says to HIM, and it makes him feel better, so it shld make papi feel better!

damian looks like hes about to start crying more even as he takes the pacifier from his mouth and back into dominik’s, even though it just hangs from the pacifier clip anyways

atp finn n rhea are on either side cuddling them bcus i said so

“papi’s okay, niñito. im all good!” damian says, wiping tears from his eyes

which btw tells dom that no, papi is not all good, and papi is now saying no to the pacifier: to dom that means that his papi wants a bottle, so he immediately turns to his mami, “papi need baba, mami. p’ease?” bcus look! papi’s crying with no paci, and when doms crying with no paci, that just means he wants a bottle

damian chuckles AT LAST as hes pulling dom closer, with the lil boy confused as to why everyones laughing when hes tryna make his papi feel better! “your papi is a bit too big for a baba, pequeno! you’re still iddy biddy, so you can have one. how about i have some cuddles instead? that’ll make me feel much better!”

and ofc dom still doesnt believe him, but does cuddle up to his papi anyways

ty neko <3

[glsneeg-enthusiast]

update 11/21

actual serious pinned because some people dont Understand the other one apparently. i talk about serious things and that does include gore and essentially anything that would need a tw. huge gore draw-er also. serious things basically. most if not all portrayal of mental illnesses is based on my own experiences so do not come here saying you dont like how i show it. that being said my blog is not all entirely about that and its mostly silly and or shitposts actually. also i actually dont usually tw things uhmm. were playing roulette here. basically if you get triggered by anything i wouldnt recommend being here its always a 50/50 on if i post something silly or traumatic. dont vent in my inbox unprompted i do not fucking care i will not respond and you will only make me uncomfortable. dont be weirdly sexual at me!! i am a minor!!! i dont fucking care nor want to hear about your sex life or about your fantasies or your private areas!!!!!!! dont shove weird relationship statuses onto me either. i am not your family i am a stranger on the internet

do Not post my art uncredited unless ur a mutual or i say its fine im serious idgaf if its just a silly doodle

standard dni i guess. racists terfs homophobes proshippers zoophiles. all that. also people that ship Real Life People Instead Of The Characters. youre all fucking weird and i dont want you here ill actively make fun of you and then block

i am pro endo and i have endo friends so if you dont like that its ultimately up to you if you wanna be here or not. most htfasj fans have me blocked but if you are one and you dont ur on thin ice bro. im not forgiving any of you for fucking jumping me for saying i wasnt a fan of it. also please for the love of god if you ship glsneeg with any of the other characters do Not talk to me about it because there is a good chance i will throw up in my mouth and block you. glanboo/hetch shippers on thin ice. guy who came up with that kind of ruined it for me and now it just makes me feel uncomfortable most of the time

i have autism and im gay and i use faggot. i have some other problems that will fuck me up or that ill talk about sometimes but thats all you really need to know so im not going to dox my medical problems here

less important stuff under cut heart emoji

nearly everyone i interact with calls me sneegen. idc if new people do its basically my government name atp

this blog is genloss themed but also i talk about my genloss ocs more than the actual thing now 😓 still a huge genloss fan but sneeg and frank are the only guys ill ever talk about in there and i will throw up slash negative if i have to talk about glanboo. do NOT come here asking about glanboo unless ur a mutual im serious. i take sneeg/frank and the horror that comes with it so violently seriously and overall theres a few genloss ships i like so if ur one of those guys that think any shipping is weird you probably wont like it here. also i usually dont use any of the main tags for. anything i post. if you wanna find something youre stuck to manually searching just like everyone else sorry

kind of multifandom i guess. i have moments where i get really fixated on other media and i post about it for a bit. sneegsnag is usually a common factor in this. heavily into marble hornets creepypastas tmnt dantdm jacksepticeye and markiplier. both of their ego content and any of marks projects by extension. not into ethan nestor As Much but he is included and so is blankgameplays. i like qsmp but if i talk about it its only ever abt qsneeg or qcharlie or qdantdm and his family sometimes. osmp enjoyer but again ill only talk about sneeg if i talk about it at all

the biggest music enjoyer in the world guys. not a professional but i will talk about songs i like sometimes. tfb and teenage disaster mostly i think. maybe typhoon and bcnr also. maybe even alot of midwest emo because im a loser. im literally tfbs biggest fan guys

for my dumbass ocs i do talk about and draw them Alot. and theres alot of heavy stuff in their stories so like. if you get badly triggered by gore or murder especially i wouldnt. recommend reading into them too much. but idrk why youd be here if you did thats like my whole thing really. i dont usually talk about the actual triggering stuff in their stories i think at most ill make a vague comment that implies something but thats about it

you are allowed to draw and write and make hcs and aus for my guys i actually actively encourage it and also show me when you do i think its wonderful. ill talk about them forever if you ever wanna know something just ask and theres a 85% chance ill actually answer it

the only things im 100% serious about for my ocs is that theres canon ships for a reason. i do not give a FUCK if you think a different one is better or interesting because its not. if you come into my asks shipping anything that isnt canon im actually going to block you. im very nitpicky about this because they are My creations and every single thing about them is heavily important to me. also if you baby or demonize any of my ocs im allowed to kill you legally btw.

I DONT GIVE A DAMN IF YOU WANT MY OCS CARNALLY!!! there are certain times where i wont mind if you say stuff like that about them just DONT TELL ME ALL THE TIME!!! it is funny sometimes and sometimes i may encourage it but please god dont tell me how you want to fuck them in graphic detail unprompted. also if thats the only thing you talk to me about and you dont actually bother to know them as characters i will probably block you!!!!

if you want my ocs included in your oc lore please just. Talk To Me. about it. please. if youre normal and dont violently misinterpret my ocs ill probably be okay with it just TALK TO ME ABOUT IT

heavy encouragement to use all your braincells to interpret my ocs characters properly. idk how much more mischaracterizing in my inbox i can take

[madness-combat-confessions]

Okay idk if this is the most Obvious shit and im just slow or if theres been an ask about this or something but we need to talk about cloning and the AAHW more imo!!

If the thing about sanf and dei being previous members (and i think doc being confirmed?) then that begs many questions. Jeb and tricky were also members and we know their lore as past scientists for nexus and then jeb was "hired" by auditor and tricky too probably but we dont have a direct confirmation afaik but everyone else is just? Vauge?

Like either A) AAHW has people working for it that are not clones like the mass agents and soldats and engineers and they are never mentioned (which would be stupid imo considering how far we are into the story) or B) they are all clones that dissented which for deimos is yk not far fetched considering his poster outright stating it

BUT THEN THAT BEGS THE ISSUE ON HAND. Everyone that ive seen online considers the agents as personality-less fucking creatures and i think even canon says smt like that about them but like.. if a clone can dissent then they probably Arent as bland as they seem. And even that isnt far fetched, i mean they hold birthdays apparently and play games to pass time. How deep does it go? How much will do they have? They seem to be conditioned to never run when Hank aka (almost) certain death is around which is one thing but are they scared of death? Do they have favorite foods and colors? How human (or in this case grunt) are they? Is it just Some of them that have self awareness/personality? Are they coded to have a personality? If yes is it random or set? Would the AAHW bother to code a random persona generator?? Do they perhaps lose more of their indaviduality/humanity as they progress up on the food chain to be soldats or engineers??

Idk i keep seeing agents n shit in fics and stuff be shown as these sometimes mechanical creatures with 0 varying personality and 0 humanity and it makes me heavily wonder about them. Maybe theyre just a bit dumber than average due to being mass cloned? Shrug. I dont know i think theyre more interesting when considered to be actual people than just. Puppets. They are metaphorical and sorta physical puppets yeah but like they held a birthday man. Fuck. They had a birthday.

Agents keep me up at night.

-anon MMS if i can claim that cuz its funny /opt!!

Glad to know that I'm not the only one who also thinks about the AAHW!

I personally think/headcanon that basically everyone in the AAHW is a clone because anyone that could had been an actual real person is dead (lol). And idk how to explain it but from what I've read they lack S-3LFS, but they still are kinda like people? Like they might just appear like mindless clones who only wanna kill Hank, and they are that don't get me wrong, but I think they also still act like people to some extent (or at least some of them)

I mean one of the agents in MC 9.2 had been writing "We are abandoned " on a wall so to me that says they're capable of understanding their situation and feeling sad (?) about it?

Now I'm not sure on the engineers and the soldats, I mean a soldat literally blew a rocket where their team was because they thought their boss had told them to. Which makes me think two things

1: The AAHW is a bit too blindly devoted to the Auditor. Which is probably because they are clones that were made/'programmed' to be that way.

2: I think that the soldats and the engineers have less "free will" than the agents because of the ATP

There's also something else I wanna talk about

This:

Like hello? What the fuck did this guy do?

From my understanding what is considered a dissenter in this series is someone who goes against the Auditor and the agency. So what did this guy even do? Did he try to betray them like Deimos and Doc did?

Or was it perhaps something minor like not doing their job? Like actually make a decision for their own and don't do what the Auditor says for once, like how an actual person would do?

I wanna say that's a stupid reason to kill one if their agents, but it's a possibility: the Auditor is shown to not really take it kindly when people don't do their job, she literally sliced a grunt in half for it. Even though all the grunt did was play cards with some other agents.

I wouldn't be surprised if this was the case this guy was damned a "dissenter" and killed by the Auditor (or maybe the other members) for that reason.

So taken to account that they are soulless clones but can still 1: celebrate birthdays 2: play games to pass time 3: dislike their shitty ass situation I'd say that they have some personality, it's just that the Auditor is too strict to allow them to show/act like it. Because she doesn't want people with free will in the agency he wants mindless clones who'd do whatever she says.

Does this make sense I swear it does in my head I'm just bad at putting it to words.

[blessedshortcake]

My opinion on the finale episodes below the cut. Obviously spoiler warning lol

First of all. I see people say it was really underwhelming and i kinda have to agree? It wasnt a Bad ending or a lazy one or whatever words have been thrown around tho imo. I feel like with all the hype about how "painful" and emotional itll be from the VA and from everyone, we all just expected more tragic outcomes or something.

I am dissappointed because of that as well. I liked how Simon finally reflected a bit and had some self awareness about their situation with Betty. I loved that he didnt become Ice King again or that they didnt do some actual time travel to "fix" stuff. I also liked that they didnt necessarily made him a bad husband (?/boyfriend?) he kinda just never realised that Betty has been putting more into their duo than he was.

That doesnt make him innocent tho b4 someone comes at me. He was a bit too self absorbed but i dont think he was entirely selfish either. He was a person who made mistakes and didnt realise them. The line where he said smt like "i wish we could have talked like this before" also makes it pretty clear to me that Betty never really spoke up about these things either. Golbetty had to make him aware and tbh? I think that was more Golb than Betty.

The whole Scarab ordeal felt a bit. Ehhhhhh I dont know. His anger reaction to things suddenly becoming "canon" (lmao) was very nice to see but him being allowed to wreck havoc like that for a good while felt more like an excuse to bring the others into this world. I dont have a problem with it btw i just dont see the point why we need Farmwold Jay and Little... I forgot her name damn. Also whys Babyworld Finn here 😭 (i get it, he was in the tank, i dont mean literally i mean Why)

As much as i was soooo mad when LSP freed the scarabs it was very in character. I like how it was a thing that he likes animals from the start so it wasnt senseless stupidity, it was something he would do even tho it was the wrong thing to do. Made me pause and lay down to stare at the ceiling in frustration for a solid minute i cant lie, still in chacter tho.

But alas. I like how in the end it all didnt turn magical (completely since ig its partially magical with Cake and everything else) and how Cake finally cooled down about the crown. IM ALSO SO HAPPY THEY KEEP IN TOUCH WITH SIMON OVER THE PHONEEE!! But yea him wanting to move was so real and I hope he does lmao he deserves it.

I only kinda wish they made him reconnect with Marcy a bit more. I am actually pretty dissappointed that we dont know if he ended up reaching out to her more or not. I understand his situation with not wanting to spook her, i actually feel that bit in a soul connecting level good god, but idk. Im at least happy he is Literally in therapy now

(Kinda makes me wonder tho if he spent the time between the end of AT and the start of FC with no like therapist or psychologist. Just rawdogging his mental illness about everything. Mood tbh but like did he? Did he??)

Anyway despite my slight dissappointment i am actually pretty happy with the outcome. I really liked the theories and the ideas of how Simon may make FC magical or what he will become but tbh this is probably the best outcome. Everyone got a happy/hopeful ending (minus Farmwold Finn ig who im atp assuming is dead. Also Star Marceline and PB) which i am really REALLY happy about.

I gotta say I already wanna write fanfic about these guys so inspirational effect granted. Woooo.

Tldr

I was kinda dissappointed because it was overhyped about how emotional it will be when it really wasnt but other than that I am really happy about how the ending turned out save for the alternatives staying in FC

Edit: I SEE PEOPLE TALK ABOUT THE WHOLE SHOW DONT TELL THING AND TBHHH??? TTTTBBBHHHH??? YEAH. IT WAS ALL JUST TALKED ABOUT LIKE WHAT ABOUT SYMBOLISM? MY GOD.

Also Simon had like 10 minutes to get closure with Betty which was horrifically rushed but again, when your wife turns into Basically God you kinda dont really have a choice to chit chat. Still not happy about it but again, could have been worse. Could have been much worse.

[firstdivisiongirl]

OH MY GAH HIIII !! I SAW THAT YOU DO MATCHUPS SO I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD A REQ FOR THAT BUT W TOKREV CHARACTERS ??? :DDDD i dont mind anyone tbh so dw abt choosing :33

ok i'll just drop some background info abt myself here :33

i'm aromantic + nonbinary, i am an entp 7w6 and i'm a pisces !! i like to draw, listen to music (either metal or just mainstream music i listen to whatever atp) and dance in my freetime !! :3

based on my personality ::

my friends tend to tell me that i'm the embodiment of the quote "dont judge a book by its' cover" cuz on the outside i act like a full on metalhead and really passive aggressive but at home i sleep next to a whole tower of plushies 💀🙏 and i collect stickers of silly little cats and otters (not my fault that they're so cute oml) i'm usually the clown of the group !! i tend to be hyperactive but my emotions change a lot- one second talking to me is like trying to get a toddler to pay attention to your teacher and the other is like trying not to get bitten by a rabid dog (my friend's words not mine). i tend to be a loud mouth srry . . . i do try to be quiet if necessary but if i get excited when talking i am a walking speaker . . . i get rlly excited if my favorite things are mentioned ?! like i would get rlly happy, smiley and would talk about it until i forget to breathe !! i like to consume horror media ?? idk if i can say that without sounding like an edgelord sobsob im sorry . . . i just love consuming those types of media (as a former kid w unsupervised access to the internet-) and i tend to ramble abt them along w other philosophical topics !! i like to discuss abt meaning of life, whether there are other universes, abt the capabilities of the human mind, etc. they're just so interesting!!! :] i guess im proud to say that my best trait is my humor 😋 maybe im overconfident abt this one cuz i just have pretty dumb sense of humor if im being honest frfr i tend to say things out of context . . . i like terrorizing my friends by saying the most outrageous things and overexaggerating them for the fun of it :333 though sometimes i kinda mean what i say

for my ideal partner ::

i'd say i would like someone who's fun to be around but at the same time they gotta be interesting for me to find them fun . . . like they gonna have smth to them that makes me wanna observe them like they're a lab rat being experimented on and being put under observation :33 ppl like that make me wanna see whats inside them and how they see the world around them !! i just love those kinds of ppl aaaaa ik im overdramatic for this one but like . . . i need someone who can handle me- as in my emotions and sometimes my way of loving . . . cuz if i did love someone, i would obsess over them and would dream of dying w them out of euphoria cuz being w my partner is the only thing that keeps me alive and human 😞 i wanna feel genuine happiness and pure bliss w my partner so thats why after that i think we should die together, that way we both know that finally we lived our life to the fullest (in my pov, 'the fullest' means you finally reach the climax of ur happiness/u live to the moment where you're the happiest you've ever been) (idk if that makes sense but that has always been my fantasy LAWD IM RAMBLING) need someone whos as crazy as i am :333 if he aint insane i dont want him fr i need to make him worse /j

i think thats all abt me :333 pls take ur time and make sure to put urself first btw !! aside from that, its ok if you ignore this one cuz at the end of the day its up to u <333 have a wonderful day/night mwah you're super cool

Hello! Of course you can have a matchup. Thank you for the kindness. I would like to warn you that I picked a somewhat controversial character. I hope you like it!

You Got...

Tetta Kisaki!!!

If boy can handle the chaos the is Shuji Hanma, he can handle you!

You wanted crazy...

Would love to see you smile when you get super excited about something! His favorite thing is to see the person he loves happy.

He is really really smart. So you would have very intellectual and philosophical discussions.

Would love that you aren't all you seem. Because he is the same way. You two can be badasses when out, but totally different when it is just the two of you (and Hanma sometimes when he is being Hanma and not leaving you all alone.)

Movie date nights. He'd let you pick it. If you're happy, he's happy.

[ham-st4r]

NAH IM DONE WITH "ENGENES" (im looking at yall k-enegnes specfically)

WHY THE FUCK IS IT whenever enhypen releases new music, content, at a concert, fuck even breathe that these fake ass fuckers have the need to say something so shit to our boys LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS UR PROBLEM U STANKY ASS BE GRATEFUL THAT THEY ARE DOING SO MUCH FOR US

if they have so much problem just fucking leave man no need to stay. I feel like atp they are just there for the fan service. The day enhypen stops doing that is the day we all have true engenes that can vibe together fr fr.

On god bro like damn I was literally just thinking about that shit these boys are working fucking overtime (I know they chose to be idols) like back to back tours two hour long shows send off soundcheck new music back to back like what more could you want? Not to mention all the other little side projects they do They’re unproblematic but somehow “engenes” still got shit to say? They have been harassed threatened named called and everything else under the sun but yet people still got shit to say it’s outrageous

And fuck don’t even get me started on the member favoritism holy hot damn the fact that people are singling out members and based off looks or fan service really just grinds my gears like I love heeseung with my whole entire heart but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna bash sunghoon or call jay ugly like tf be for real right now

I have zero respect for people who talk about them like that and try to claim their “engenes” not to mention all the weird fan interactions they have to endure but god forbid they meet an engene in Japan and hug them then all hell has to break loose

There’s just so much more I have to say and honestly I could write 10k words on the topic alone

Not to mention people only talk about their visuals like they are more then their visuals they make incredible music and have some of the most unique voices in kpop that I’ve heard but still everytime you see a post about them it’s about heeseung’s visuals or some nonsense (not saying there aren’t post that praise them) but for the most part I really see post about that which in my opinion is meaningless like yes they are attractive young men (I only look at heeseung btw lol) but they are more than that honestly they deserve respect cause they have done nothing but work hard to put out greatness for us so we should appreciate it they’re always active (especially jungwon)

And the fan service and other engenes being jealous of that girl who did the go big or go home dance on the big screen in Dallas I think it was people literally stalked her account and went years back to find out she was saying the N word and they started dogging her for it (I hate when people use that word) but still to drag her like that was scary and crazy all just because the boys watched her on screen I can assure that the fans are thinking about her more than enhypen so I don’t get where all the jealousy comes in from yeah I wish I got noticed on the big screen but I’m not gonna throw hate at someone just cause she did and I didn’t (and maybe that’s cause they did see me in the crowd why I’m not jealous) but even still that’s too far I understand being jealous but not to the extent of tracking someone’s account down thats actually (if it’s true I just heard this somewhere on tiktok I think) but yeah there’s so much to say and it’s all negative I’m embarrassed that I’m even associated with them by being an engene but sadly there’s nothing I can do but like you said hopefully they will leave and the real engenes will have their time to shine

Another way you can tell those “engenes” are just in it for the members is the fact they are selling their vip1 tickets cause it was said there was going to be no send off (saw it on twitter not sure if this is true either) but if it is that’s crazy like why not just show up and support them without being delusional about it and the fact they walked out last year when enhypen was still performing songs just so they could get close at sendoff like come on it’s just embarrassing atp but anything to get noticed right? Even the members couldn’t stop the “fans” from fighting so that’s how you can tell it’s just a crazed obsession but okay I’m done

For now

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Ok this is a monster of an ask oops

RAGGHH KARASU COMEBACK BUT WHERE WAS OUR LOCKER ROOM SCENE I AENT THAT IN MID EPISODE AND HADNT REACHED IT YET BUT WTFFFFFFFFFF NOOOOOOOOOOOOO but now that you mention it the cousin vibes are so real LMAOAOAO I was not expecting that duo lowkey

YEAHHHHH CAT FAMILY LMAOAOA it’s so cute I wonder what their dad’s name is??? But WAHOO WE BROKE FREE OF THE NAMELESS CHIGIRI SISTER ALLEGATIONS

ok gonna merge everything here because I think I scrolled past four consecutive posts that were just our convo LMAOO

Ok but aikus name still has me rolling atp idek what to think maybe it’s a weird schrodingers cat thing except it’s schrodingers aiku im still treating it like his first name is Oliver though….when I read it I thought they purposely flipped the order because he’s half Swedish (?? Forgot lowk) so they followed the western naming convention but I also forgot his dad was the white one…I know a good handful of people who end up taking their moms maiden name for practicality if they live in Japan though so maybe??? Whatever I’m not changing my preconceptions LMAOAOA

Also you associating me with Karasu >>>> MY LIFES WORK IS COMPLETE I’m laughing though because it’s the way that even I had to double take like wait was this me…..

YESS ok we both know the vision it definitely exists but yeah the hair and personality would fit the pirate scene really well #swashbucklingau

LMAOAOAPA I just remember thinking it was so ridiculous how it had a chokehold on so many people like wdym countries as people….also I’ve said this before but the amount of research you do is insane PARENT BLOG POSTS LMFAOOOSOSJSOA that’s some dedication right there and yeah I think the American hs experience is pretty universally understood (ig?? At least on the surface via media) so it’s usually not a problem

REAL it’s literally insane to me also heavy on that Nagi’s biggest opps are nagireo shippers who always defend reo from him and talk about how toxic and bad nagi is and how reo deserves better bro if you think that why do you ship them??? I will never understand the majority of the fandom but anyways

DHSHSSISHHS THE FACT THAT PEOPLE THOIGHT YOU COULDNT SEE JUST BECAUSE YOU SAID YOU DONT READ IM CRYINGGGG seriously what did they think like hello just from a technical platform standpoint that doesn’t really make sense either oh my god

EXACTLYYY like I’ll see the vision and that’s what makes me lore dive into them but if the lore is not loreing it usually doesn’t last very long but REVERSE SITUATION EITH AIKU IS SO REAL literally me like Im knee deep in his character and lore and story but I will not swerve with those visuals im begging someone to pass him a razor i CANNOTTTTT

LMAOOO the brother slander is so funny it really makes the banter within the story feel authentic and not forced though!! Im laughing rin being like “my brother called me a nuisance and abandoned me and said I was shit” and readers brother is like “oh”

WAIT A MINUTE NOW THAT WE HAVE HER NAME ISNT THEIR SHIP NAME JUST YUKI^2 LMFAOOOOO this is amazing

OOOOOOHHH LMFAO OPP KAISER REAL I’m also loving the world five side characters I’m ngl I straight up forgot about Pablo reading your list here and I’m like “PABLO WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE???” LMFAO Adam Blake too lowkey but anyways

OOOOOOOOH WAIG I NEED TO PULL OUT GOOGLE FOR THIS also just to confirm these are all real horse breeds yes..? I’m ngl I was gf contemplating if you made these up for the Pegasi breeds or if you’re basing them off real ones but based off your latter description about the wings I’m assuming they’re real SHDHSHDJD ok edit: considering I found actual pics on google im going with real but omg yukis Pegasus fits him sm….also wait palominos are gorgeous wtf getting thrown back into a horse era with these searches also KARASUUU had to look up a chart of horse face markings wait the star is so cute too omg wait ok ik you said horse wings match their cost but imagine Karasu’s pegasus had that purple fade out gradient on its wings like his hair OR had that iridescent crow feather quality…anyways

MAMA Y PAPA GOODBYEEEE LMFAOOOO but yeahhh makes sense i saw a lot of insane discourse in passing in the aot fandom….waiting for the day educated people speak up in fandoms and knock some sense into whatever’s going on

IM. MAD. LIVID. FURIOUSSSSS NOOOOOO OUR GLORIOUS KARASU SCENE YOU CANT DO THIS TO USSSSSSSSSS MANIFESTING WE STILL MAYBE GET ONE POST GAME LOVKER ROOM SESSION??? PLEASEEE IM BEGGING WHY DID SAE GET ALL THE SHIRTLESS SCENES UUUEGHSJSHD

REALLLL honestly that’s kinda how i view it LMAO from what I pick up it still feels rough but I’m also laughing like lmao “dummy poopoohead” vibes I think it really captures his Osakan-(??) ness (???) because they’re known to be rowdier and louder and less uptight than most prefectures but as a result they’re actually usually friendlier so their words feel a little more like banter insults than actual “you fucking suck shit stain on the planet” but I still take it as him fitting into the loser agenda LMAOO

LANSOAO IM CRYING it probably doesn’t help we don’t see him much in the manga or even the main show rn either sooo I can’t blame you LOL

SHSHS honestly it might be an activity for your break then I remember when I first played it took a…good amount of time to get through the beginning stuff LOL but LFMAOAOAOAO WRIOTHESLEY REAL I actually love his character he’s so funny sometimes too your taste is great

I SAW THST WHILE SCROLLING ALL HAIL MIRA MEMES LMFOAOAOAAO the hair is actually fantastic idk what you’re talking about

Yess fr!!!! He looked good in this ep too!! But PLEADEE I almost forgot about that….very curious to see how the end of the nel gets executed though

ALMOSTT….NOO KARASU DISAPPEARANCE…but yuki moments….omg you’re so real they will 100% put yuki on the cover (am I delusional for hoping we get a Karasu one) sigh more Karasu scenes please 8bit

LMAOAA ok but here’s the thing did I ever leave….more like I took a slightly casual hiatus but I never STOPPED liking him technically I think the whole post manshine match thing maybe made me a little bored but epinagi fixes that but I REMEMBER LMAOOO ok but jeirin doing that challenge was insane I can’t go that long without mentioning Karasu but WTF nagi haters are actually a different breed (ofilliteratewhosaidthat??)

LMDFO it was too funny thank you dub va but YESSS NAGIS VA!!! He’s one of the ones I think matches pretty well dub wise like I see the vision

LFMSOFUWISJSUS SUBWAY SURFERS IM CRYING WHY DOES IT SLAP TJOUGH??? But REAL lowkey I think he’d play every mobile game available too I bet he’s got like 1 TB of storage on his phone just for gaming

ok next response:

REAL it’s ok you’re out of the writers block slump it’s only a matter of time!!!

ALSO FR I love the switch up from the teacher from being mad to concerned also I think you did a good job implying that it was because the teacher was like omfg are you eating enough?? And not omg muscle man awooga LMAO I’m crying at your concern though it’s completely valid I’m just losing it that sounds like a wp comment

YESS they also REALLY laid it on thick with the gambling in his most recent profile and now also his bet with sae in the u20 match makes more sense too so I loved the little details you threw in about that!! MANUC PIXIE AIKU PLEASEEE I’m imagining aiku in a tinkerbell costume I can’t it’s giving fairy godmother aiku but SO REAL you should just be in charge of the character dynamics department for bllk atp

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY SHDHSJSB THIS DUO SOLOS this is how it should’ve been in canon…I wish these deeper complexities were more visible in the real story but alas they’ve gotta do some marketing

PALSPDAK STOP FR??? I was thinking about that and I was like wow this is a really unique name Mira came up with this time I wonder how she chose it LMAOAOOOAOAO ok that makes more sense but once again the research and dedication goes hard x2

Realizing I replied to the gambling paragraph in an earlier one but YEAH gambler aiku fr LMFAO

YESS PACING WAS GREAT!! ATP maybe im a Mira glazer but actually your pacing is like perfect for me…i think the speed you develop your stories at is right in the middle of the Goldilocks zone im typically kinda picky with the stuff i read and bad pacing and timing is kinda a big turn off so but also i forgot to consider how Nagi’s the youngest out of all of them that adds a whole other layer to the entire dynamic on the u20 team

TRUE sigh more Karasu moments when…but that sae insult is going down in history fr gold

YEAHH I TRMEMBER YHAT LMAOOO im crying it’s the oaeu effect but aikus aura alone already has wingman effects wait i can imagine kaiser losing his mind with nagi LMAAO as he should

If you ever make more canon au one shots you know ill gladly eat them up THIS WAS FIRE

- Karasu anon

LMAOAOA I’M SORRY THIS TOOK ME A SEC TO RESPOND TO…fall break is over alas so my week of freedom is done and my week of finals has begun BUT literally 1.5 weeks until i’m free for the winter!! this is also about when the pomegranate ink comeback happened hehe so we’ll see what’s in store (but definitely lots of chronically online time to make up for all that i lost studying and shit 😭)

HAHAHA APPARENTLY THE LOCKER ROOM SCENE IS AT THE END OF THE GAME!! so we still have hope…still made they gave us sm sae time but WHATEVER karasu manga comeback means we’re still winning!! PLEASE karasu and charles were literally giving the cousins that are forced to sit together at the family table during a reunion and they lowkey have nothing in common but they’re still gang?? like karasu genuinely could’ve babysat charles (given that he’d be like 13/14 when charles would be 10/11) but yet they somehow feel like bros 😭 ngl i was slandering charles with jeirin before that chapter came out because he was a v random character that didn’t feel necessary to the story but NOW?? oh i’m a charles glazer…like that’s me and karasu’s son #real

FINALLYYYY SHE’S NAMED SOBBING FR wait maybe now she should pull up in some fic or another…pursuit perhaps 🤔 or maybe smth new since her reader and bff (who is implied to be tullia for those in the know) were like a little trio in fwtkac ft. occasionally unnamed yukimiya gf appearances so i could lowkey combine unnamed yukimiya gf and koyuki chigiri into one person and then have reader w karasu and tullia with otoya 😯 rip yayoyuki BUT to be fair shoyoi (barou + yayoi karasu) is lowkey better

LMAOO yeah i thought it was smth along those lines too!! kinda like how we don’t call kaiser “kaiser michael” 🤔 and it would make sense for him to keep his mom’s maiden name because like imagine his name is smth like…karlsson JFHDHSJE OLIVER KARLSSON I’M CRYING anyways yeah he’ll always be an oliver to me i’m ignoring kaneshiro on this one anyways i’m basically him atp and i say it’s fact

HELPP WE’RE ALWAYS CHATTING ABT KARASU OFC I ASSOCIATE HIM W YOU actually wait this reminds me of when THREE different people sent me this edit of nagi because everyone thinks of me when they see him now (good as they should) and the craziest part was i already had it saved 😭😭😭 insane levels of nagi glazing going on here but someone has to do it 🙂‍↕️

pirate au in the miraverse when…i need to write for chigiri ngl i really do like him but ONLY my version of him which makes it tough to genuinely consider myself a fan 😓 same w reo and also geto from jjk but alas 😩 too many favs not enough time 🌝

THE CONCEPT OF IT IS INSANE wasn’t it like crazy problematic too?? JFDJDHSN trust i will ALWAYS be researching please it’s like my favorite thing i always put my heart and soul into it 😭 even more light hearted fics i try to give a little thought to!! like for otoya’s bfb i actually looked up pictures of bakeries and their window displays so that i could describe the bakery accurately…i think it helps that i travel a lot though?? like it gives me ideas and general senses for WHAT to research/what cultural differences are generally prevalent if that makes sense 🤔 even in like the one kaiser fic where he’s an angel i used the story of castel st angelo as inspiration because i’ve visited it!! and then a lot of the settings are also places i’ve seen myself so i knew what i wanted to reference (like the church the two meet in is the capelle medicee in florence and the place where reader dies is st peter’s basilica!! i even used the inscription on the dome of the basilica in the fic but with the words changed slightly) and i do think that makes it easier than having the entire internet at my fingertips but not knowing what to search up

sometimes it feels like they just ship nagireo because it’s the most heavily implied and reo likes nagi not because they actually like nagi OR the dynamic that nagireo has?? which like tbh me too BUT that’s why i don’t ship it 😭 people need to bring back rare pairs like it’s okay to ship reo with someone you think he’d be better with even if they don’t interact much ☝🏻 i’ve seen shidou and reo a lot…saw a rin and reo edit yesterday and people were CRAZY in the comments it was so funny everyone was hating and i was like “it’s really just not that deep if they like it they like it honestly i bet that would be a funny dynamic”

LMAOO i think it’s more like it must just not cross their minds that i can see them?? especially on wattpad with the nature of the commenting function and how stories are found/interacted with it can feel removed from the author as compared to ao3 where it feels like you’re talking directly TO the writer when you comment

EXACTLYYYY I LOVE AIKU SM NOW like his character?? his vibes?? PEAK but the visuals?? COULD BE peak if he just fucking SHAVEDDDD UGH AIKU PLEASE some people say they could fix him meaning they could stop him cheating…look i have no delusions more desires to stop a man from being unfaithful BUT i definitely COULD fix aiku (have a one night stand w him and shave his facial hair while he’s sleeping #communityservice)

LISTEN BROTHER SLANDER IS ALWAYS NECESSARY i love my little bro but making fun of him in fics is just too entertaining 😭 please that’s exactly how it would go…like “my brother told me i was defective and should quit on my dreams and die in my room 😐” “oh 😯”

YUKI SQUARED HELP I LOVE THAT okay so basically proof they’re canon yup yup

JFHDHDS YES THE WORLD FIVE (minus dada silva because i cannot see him racing) PULL UP mostly because i didn’t want it to just be kids?? like this way there’s experienced jockeys in the running too ☝🏻 and ofccc kaiser is the BIGGEST opp in this omg he’s like actually evil it’s hilarious

the pegasi are all real colors yes!! they’re based on thoroughbreds (the breed) since i took inspiration from thoroughbred racing for pegasi racing (my horse i used to have was a thoroughbred that used to race so i know a lot abt the industry KFDJDJ) so all of them are colors that thoroughbreds can theoretically be (that’s why they’re all relatively normal colors…palominos are rare for thoroughbreds and same with flaxen chestnuts [reader’s pegasi’s coloring] but it’s still possible so i let it slide) for like realism’s sake LMAOO and all of the wings are based on bird wings!! otoya’s would probably have wings like a dove whereas yuki’s would probably have wings like a grackle and karasu’s would be like a crow’s (ofc)

aiku and i are the mother and father of blue lock CANONNN FKFJSJS tbh i think there’s more sane people than not in most fandoms but the issue is the crazy ones are like a vocal minority so it seems like there’s more of them than there actually are??

WE STILL HAVE A CHANCE TRUST WE WILL GET THE FULL GLORIOUS HD 2400PX ULTRA ZOOM ON HIS ABS AND ARM MUSCLES the 8bit animators do love giving us insane shirtless shots so i think we’ll be good

karasu osakan king love to see it LMAO actually i think that’s kinda common where like the “rough” people in a country are usually the kindest whereas the more “polite” groups tend to be more scathing LFJDJS i bet with karasu his insults also just feel meaningless because he’s always saying them so it’s like okay wtvr he doesn’t actually mean it 😭 loser agenda will forever be strong with him i fear!!

WRIOTHESLEY’S NAME IS SO FUCKING DUMB BUT HE’S SOOO FINE him and alhaitham are literally genshin karasu and nagi tbh it’s not a surprise i like them DKFJDJ but yeah my genshin adventures will likely be winter break activities

HAPPY TO PROVIDE MEMES ALWAYS wait speaking of which i finally collected enough text memes to make another meme post KFJDJD i love posting those instead of writing #productive

if there’s a volume in between the barou cover one and the third selection we might get a karasu cover?? since he was so key to the recent match…idt there’s enough chapters for that unless they really draw out world five match or maybe also give us reo’s pov in second selection with shidou?? we’ll def get a yuki cover for third selection though idt anyone else would make sense (wait also when we finally get to NEL imagine a chris prince cover i think i’d cry from joy)

LMAOOO NAGI HIATUS it’s okay he’s lowkey been kinda irrelevant in the manga too recently i’m just obsessed with him so no hiatuses for me…pls that challenge was insane i was like no way i already have to pretend like idk anything abt anime in my day to day life like that challenge is just me irl why would i force myself to do it online too 😭

NAGI’S DUB IS SO PEAK!! and yeah he just gives me the vibes that he just downloads whatever games he gets ads for so he doesn’t have to wait for the ad to finish playing LMAOOO he’s kind of an ipad kid actually but it’s okay because he’s cute and we love him

i’m hoping i don’t lose motivation by the time i get to write again 😭 it’s also been almost two months since i posted any xreader content so i’ve actually genuinely been slacking…tbf i would’ve had the sae one shot done already without the polar detour so that’s kinda on me LMAOOO but anyways yeah i really just need to get rid of these requests and have them out of the way so i have less things to worry abt 😩 probably going to leave requests to be event-only things for a while i think just so a) they’re more special and b) i don’t have quite as much on my plate

i’m a wattpad veteran ik exactly how their minds work 😓 i think her immediately asking if he’s alright and stuff did make it obvious it was a wellness check but you never know with people these days 😭

aiku really subscribes to that “99% of gamblers quit before they win big” mentality LFJDJS LMAO WAIT HE CANONICALLY BETS ON HORSE RACES RIGHT??? i’m going to make him an npc in the pegasi au solely so he can gamble HAHAHAHA omg tinker bell aiku this is a new level to the oaeu it’s lowkey funny because he has the green and everything too 😭 but i do think it’s a common trope especially in non canon duos where the “traumatized” character is magically fixed by the power of love and the other character just being super perfect?? and especially with a pair like nagi and aiku it would’ve been super super easy to fall into that where aiku is so perfect and mature and wise that he manages to make nagi into a well adjusted human who has normal motivations and plays soccer and whatnot but i wanted to show that while nagi may have been better off with aiku than in canon he still would have issues no matter what because aiku is also just another guy not an actual substitute for parental love and guidance ykwim (since imo that’s the root of all of nagi’s issues)

sometimes the fan service and marketing get to the best of us 😓 i do think it’s easier in prose form vs manga/anime to show that depth though?? like in polar we got to hear nagi’s every thought and although a lot of their dynamic WAS revealed through their physical interactions and whatnot having those thoughts was definitely helpful in developing the complexity of their relationship!! although with visual storytelling there’s a lot of subtleties with body language that can be utilized as substitutes for internal narration so it’s definitely POSSIBLE just tricky and sometimes hard to do when the animation isn’t top notch

FHDJJSSN CAN YOU IMAGINE I FR CAME UP WITH THAT it would truly be insane work…but nope it’s an actual place i’m too lazy to be THAT original especially since i doubt anyone’s looking up what school they went to in order to see if it’s real 😭

KDFHDHS NOT THE MIRA GLAZING PLS 😭 i appreciate it though!! pacing is def smth tricky to balance and everyone also has different preferences for what they prefer but i think as long as you’re confident in your work and write well pacing does come pretty naturally?? at least for me i just try to think of the main scenes i NEED to happen in the story (so like with polar i NEEDED aiku to meet nagi, nagi to go to aiku’s school and play soccer with him, aiku and nagi’s friendship to be shown, aiku and nagi to join the u20s, nagi to clash with sae and shidou, and nagi to finally take initiative at the end and be the one to win the game against bllk) and then let the connections between those main beats to flow naturally as i write based on the established characterizations from canon and what i need for the plot to make sense (for example the scene with the teacher, the entire tryout scene, the scene where aiku throws out nagi’s jellies, the beef with sendou, the sae/nagi dynamic, and the advice + connection with shidou, and pretty much everything else were all improv that came to me as i worked) which i think makes the pacing feel more natural maybe

wait also speaking of mira glazing someone commented on the instrument (in their bookmarks) that they could write an essay on the symbolic connection it has to a german arthouse film i was like damn i feel like this is lowkey a peak compliment

NAGI’S LITERALLY THE BABY OF THE U20S there’s another scene i was going to add where aiku makes nagi hang out with hayate so he can make more friends and they just go to hayate’s house and hayate gardens while nagi plays games and they don’t talk at all because they’re both introverts and then as nagi leaves he’s like “i guess if they’re like hayate then friends aren’t THAT bad” i ended up not including it because again it was already so much longer than necessary 😭 but that just has such sibling vibes to me especially and shows how it wasn’t JUST aiku who adopted nagi ykwim?? like the others cared abt him too (minus sendou kinda but even he respected nagi after he stood up to him)

LMAOAOA AIKU JUST HAS A RIZZFUL AURA his wingman energy is so strong he doesn’t even need to try it just happens unintentionally 😭 PLEASE kaiser and nagi would be hilarious to me i can imagine kaiser trying to tease nagi or crush him or wtvr and nagi’s just like :x because bro does not gaffff also as we see in manshine city vs bm motivated nagi is in fact clear of both isagi and kaiser so assuming nagi stays motivated while in germany he’s def pissing kaiser off so bad just by genuinely being talented at the sport 😓 also though i don’t really see nagi trying to compete with kaiser to take over the team the way isagi did?? so like kaiser would be like “this is my team they serve me and you’ll never be on my level 😈🌹💙⛓️” and nagi’s like “okay 😐🐥” and then he gets put in anyways because he’s actually really good HAHAHA wait also they wouldn’t have the mikage translators so nagi would fr have to learn german to play on bm?? and aiku’s a quarter german so imagine nagi comes home on break and accidentally starts speaking german to aiku because polar aiku canonically has a swedish accent (hehe i looked up what swedish accents sound like on reddit and used the responses from swedes to describe how aiku talks!! another non canon thing that made sense to me because aiku was born in sweden so why not??) and aiku is like WHY TF DO YOU SOUND LIKE MY GRANDPA 😨😨😨⁉️⁉️⁉️

HAHAHA I DO LOVE THESE SILLY LITTLE CANON AU MOMENTS like i said i can’t think of anything rn but maybe someday i’ll have an idea…perhaps something nagi and rin focused because they’re my other favorite underrated nagi duo (albeit much less underrated than nagiaiku) 🤔

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

i followed you because of darklina but i went down a rabbit hole bc half your listed fanfic was helsing (and im into dracula too a bit but i was only familiar with castlevania’s alucard) so i spent some time reading alutegra stuff and they sound interesting. i put the show on my list even though ive spoiled myself atp

the main point of my ask is if you think integra is a lesbian. I haven’t watched the show or read the manga but i came across a discussion where some fans were say alutegra shippers are erasing her lesbian identity and forcing feminine traits on her. idk. what are your thoughts?

second, in canon, if integra was to open up about romantic feelings once alucard came back, how do you think he would react?

sorry for all the questions and i hope you write more alutegra fic!! i need it for when i start and finish ultimate lol

Obviously I… do not think that considering how much ship fic I have posted? Like I’m not sure what you are expecting me to say here! I’m not interested in ship wars. And if someone is dead set on her being a lesbian then like good for them lmao. Canon tells us fuck all, interpret it however you want idc

But omg getting into Hellsing for ship content and then it’s ten hours of a wildly suicidal Dracula in a stupid hat goring nazi vampires. Good luck 😭

Fwiw, if you like manga, I think starting with the manga is a slightly better entry point. The Ultimate OVAs follow canon pretty closely but the first episodes make some odder stylistic choices, and the vibes just end up being a little different.

As for romance, like I struggle to see her doing that tbqh? We don’t talk about feelings in this house! And it’s literally a character choice that she keeps like three feet from him at all times in canon lmao.

But also yeah I mean he’d go along with it? He has zero boundaries + probably views a sexual relationship of some sort between them an inevitability— like I HC that he was absolutely fucking Arthur and Van Helsing too. If she reads into that context though, she would HATE it.

And then there’s the element where… he doesn’t do well if offered like. actual kindness. So if she’s unmistakably talking about feelings and making it clear she cares about him, then very high chance he’s going to either write it off as her being young and silly, or he might just think that she’s mocking him. Idk it would just be very thorny regardless.

OH I just scrolled up and saw the “when he came back” bit. Idk man honestly that’s harder to parse. I typically think they’re even more dysfunctional after the timeskip because they barely know each other anymore at that point.

[seonghwacore]

if you don't mind me sliding in about the kq / releases / frequency things because... i agree. while it is understandable that with a growing audience there is higher demand for 'something new' than before, there is a difficult balance that needs to be struck between 'fast music' and 'depth of musical releases'. in my personal view, work and generally golden hour part 1 did not have enough time to marinate properly before i sooort of started to forget about it/devalue it in terms of personal impact. it is literally the beginning of a new era, the movement of lore ateez away from universe z... but it feels?? not important?? at all? maybe it is just me but a lot of things are feeling either exhausted and depleted, or are racing on ahead so quickly that it is making me experience some odd version of burnout.

similarly i have some opinions about kq's strategy when it comes to marketing, presence and investment into different regions... but i would not want to spam your ask box.

genuinely, idk, but thank you for sharing your thoughts and i hope mine are okay too and i would love to hear any and all of yours!

hello! so you decided to dedicate your energy and time for my yapping 🤣

i appreciate you for sharing your thoughts really. it's always nice to be able to discuss. i did talk about this to other atinys who have been in the fandom for way longer and from them, i learned that quick comebacks had been a common practice in kq. however, i saw a lot more variety shows and various types of schedule during 2019-2021 and i thought, what's stopping them from doing these again in the latest era and just releases music?

esp they often incorporated their lore in those variety shows. AND I WAS LIKE, KQ. YOU COULDVE DONE BETTER NOW THO??? because the world is such an intense series, even with the spin-off halazia. if i was kim kyuwook i would sell my car and come to work riding a bike to fund the production for the world's lore. plus they need to return don't stop mv back to youtube or who do i need to bazooka time, kq, just say the name. but they're just closed like that and then 4 months later, it's golden hour.

i feel a huge loss with the world ep 2 and fin: will's VERY QUICK descend [from the mainstream] because the entire outlaw album is otherworldly, never done before. i hope they could release something that supports their music (then outlaw being performed only once??? and none for dune???) i regret that honestly. there are albums that imo couldve been the "great attractor" where fans can theorize, even grow the story and lore, give more inputs and so on for a longer time.

but also 80 people to maintain 2 global stars asjdals i yeah... i won't complain no more 😂 im not sure with their strategy atp but feel free to share your thoughts again in my ask box, no pressure at all. anytime you want hahaha.

[cryiling]

what do we think about kpop idol au revalink where revali is from a big 3 company (i feel like he gives sm or yg but idk) and link is from a smaller company, but they get into a dating scandal because of dispatch's stupid dating dump at the end of the year or whatever

revali is appalled to have dating rumors with this little runt from a nugu group (he's lying, link is totally his type), meanwhile link is losing his shit bc it's his idol it's THE revali 🫣

im gonna use this ask as an excuse to talk about idols!link and revali bc I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS

first of all revali is def giving agust d vibes, that fuck capitalism and the government sorta songs, and he definitely writes his own music (he thinks that artists who don't write their own music aren't real artists). no wait like genuinely. have u guys seen the lyrics for all the songs on d-day?? and like the mv for amygdala?? totally breaking kpop industry norms and I can totally see revali doing that, like yes babes talk abt your mental health and traumatic experiences, pop off king !

I bet revali prefers doing hip hop style dances, like you're never gonna catch him doing those rlly simple trendy dances. nah he out here doing flips and bboying and stuff 😭 hmm like think back down or halazia level dances (bye not me finding a way to bring halazia into any conversation SJDHSJF)

also he definitely only sings live, no lip syncing for him. one day he gets sick and loses his voice but he still has a performance that day, and his manager is like PLS just lipsync to the track, literally no one will get mad I promise, and he's like bitch no and just has his fans sing the whole song (he goes viral for this, his fans bragging abt how revali would never stoop to the level of lip syncing while his antis are calling him lazy for having his fans do all the singing, then revali's fans clap back at those ppl and pull up the receipts of all the times their faves lip synced)

ok we need stage name and fandom for revali. hm tbh I feel like he would just keep his name as his stage name, like he probably thinks the idea of stage names is cringy 💀 help I need fandom name ideas. like, vale or something BYE. his company probably came up with a whole list of possible fandom names and he said no to all of them, atp his manager just picked one for him 😭

u mentioned revali is from a big 3 company, hmm yeah I'm getting sm vibes from him. how long do u think he trained for? probably a couple years, like 6? so he's very insistent that all his accomplishments are from his hard work

OK let's talk abt link! idk many small companies but ummm let's say like, gf or something (they have kingdom, slay!). do u guys know that one idol from loona I think? and she was a trainee for only one day? yeah that's link 😭 he auditioned for the company and they're like you're great! debut asap pls

link is just here to have a good time honestly, like he's going live at 3am to do drunk karaoke like jungkook fr 😭 he really has a passion for singing and performing, and at the end of the day he's just doing this for funsies, he doesn't let the stress get to his head too much, which, king behavior honestly

ik u said he's from a nugu group but honestly I'm seriously loving the soloist vibe from him, like if he was in a group he'd probably end up as the wonyoung of the group bc he just has that main character energy 😭

I can see link doing more upbeat/poppy songs, but he does the occasional ballad + contemporary dance combo that his fans go FERAL for. or,, omg. imagine him doing criminal by taeyang... 😊

his stage name.. L!NK bc he's quirky and not like other girls 😧 I bet his song titles are either in all caps or all lowercase too, he insists "it's for the aesthetic 🥺"

hm what sort of situation are they in where dispatch makes a dating scandal for them? OUHH MAYBE theyre both mcs for a music show (ignore that it's usually one guy and one girl) and they do one of those performances together and ppl are like 🤨⁉️ like imagine them doing the iconic dolphin dance together ✋ fans go CRAYZEEE the fancams hit like 20m views because their chemistry together really shines, even with such a simple song

their companies see how good they are for each other's publicities, so they really push for more of their schedules to be together.. which ofc comes at the cost of the dating scandal. they're hanging out together at some cafe idk, their managers told them to go hang out in the hopes that they would get some more publicity. what they WEREN'T expecting is for dispatch to declare that they're dating??? (that's a lie, link's manager (zelda) definitely knew smth like that would happen and she's the biggest revalink supporter 🤞)

when revali hears about this, he has a freaking meltdown to his manager teba, like 😭 lying facedown on the couch screaming into a pillow, "they think we're DATING?$:$;&2!;@/@ they really think a senior idol would go out with a rookie!!???!: SHUT UP TEBA HE IS NOT MY TYPE-"

meanwhile link has the BIGGEST celebrity crush on revali, like you know how jungkook is with namjoon? yeah 😭 so when the dating scandal comes out, link is just so flattered that people would think that he's worthy to be with revali- he's going around to anyone who will listen and is like "people think I'm with revali 😦🥰🥰" zelda is like girl calm down you're not actually together

[jounosparticles]

au where the hunting dogs disband and jouno and tecchou join the agency together (they both need some purpose, some sense of justice to act out and they don't know where else to go). tachihara returns and stays with the mafia, and brings teruko with him because they don't want to separate. i feel like she'd hate being a mafia agent (i know nothing about her, i haven't watched season 5 and i last saw 4 when it released) so maybe she just lives with tachi. i wonder what jouno and tecchou would do if they were on a mission to stop the mafia and encountered tachihara again....

sorry for the long ask btw i wanted to tell someone this and all my friends are asleep #heartbroken

also ill give myself a sign off because iv sent you like 3 asks atp but im too terrified to remove anon

- 🗡️ aka literally jouno again :3

DONT BE SORRY!!! i love getting asks this is so fun to me :) idk who u are but you seem cool and id always love to hear your ideas !!!

i also super recommend checking out season 5 whenever you can :)) call me biased because i am but i think it’s a great season :)

ANYWAY

first i’ll talk about teruko. i do not see her going into the mafia however i can her sticking with tachihara. i wonder if it would create some sort of tension or if they’d just let each other live? hmmm i’ll have to ponder that idea. i do 100% see tachihara going back into the mafia though, he found his place there.

jouno and tetchou joining the ada would be really fun i think. i could see maybe some tension due to what happened in the whole "dogs hunt dogs" episode, however since it was a misunderstanding i can see them being forgiven easily as well.

i feel like jouno would have a hard time adjusting. he has a low temper with tetchou i can just imagine how short he would be with some of the ada members. i could see him arguing with ranpo and dazai a lot. and possibly getting along with kunikida since he wouldn’t be an ass.

id like to see jouno and dazai talk normally though. their pasts parallel each other a good bit! i feel their conflicting morals would make them not particularly get along however it could make for some interesting interactions. i will go on about that in another post eventually

i feel like overall jouno would rather stick to tetchou as well as anyone who will treat him as a superior instead of the others.

as for tetchou. literally all i want is for him to mentor kenji. like they’re basically friends now, they’re similar in morals/principles, and are both very direct with everything they say/think. that combined with them having similar physical capabilities i could see tetchou training kenji well and taking on a mentor/older brother figure.

i also feel like kunikida would like tetchou. he’s very direct and i doubt he’s a disruption, they’d get along well.

in contrast i feel like junichiro would probably be intimidated by him. not sure why, just how i feel.

i also don’t think dazai would have much fun with him, since he probably isn’t easily bothered by the silly antics dazai likes to do.

unfortunately i don’t know how this would work if the hunting dogs require surgery to live still. jouno and tetchou would probably be fine since they’re still affiliated with law enforcement but tachihara would likely die. that’s a post for another time i suppose.

OH! and encountering tachihara. huge angst potential here that sounds really hard to do. i could see them trying to bring tachi back since he has proven himself to be good before? i don’t know if it would work but even tachi said before the hunting dogs weren’t bad either. he just needs a place to be himself

but anyways i really like this idea!!! i love imagining how the different characters would interact w/ each other :)

[onlyjaeyun]

I sent you an ask about the Jay smau, idk if you got it, since tumblr just hasn't been sending some of my ask, I know you said you were gonna not answer one since it gave you ideas, which I know the one I sent started with something about us all sharing braincells and talked about the bff could sabotage y/n, and how Jay might respond and all once him and y/n are together. If you didn't get it, you could let me know and I'll try to resend it.

Also to reply to the other ask I sent you, I feel like NCTzens are either amazing to writers or so toxic. Like I once did an MTL that was an ask and it was who would like a thicc s/o and I put Taeyong like in the middle, and I got so much hate, someone spammed my inbox with like 40 messages saying Taeyong would never want a fatty, and they made like 10 fake accounts to comment on all of my NCT mtls to share their opinion, and I just had to delete most of my NCT MTLs and block like 20 accounts. They were so mad that I said Taeyong would probably want a an s/o that eats well, they felt the need to attack me so badly, I quit writing MTLS for NCT after that. Then I would have people in my asks complaining about me not doing them anymore, and it's just like I wonder why; you ask my opinion and then when I say Johnny would love a girl with a fat ass you attack me since it's not want you wanted me to say. I've been in a lot of fandoms, and I'm lucky most I've been don't go out of their way to attack you for a varying opinion or disliking something, but NCTzens it's just like where do you get the audacity.

I feel like they would probably think I'm some weird and be all ew p*d0 or something, but I'm just such a mom friend it's just like if you are younger than I and we are interacting, I now view you as my child nothing else; but it's just easier to avoid talking to them, since people always immediately assume the worst, which I don't blame them since there are so many weirdos on here. tbh it is, like I see no age anywhere or like even an age range, like just put 18+ or 21+, just let me know you are legal, otherwise I run the other way and hit that block button with such speed, it could rival Usain Bolt; since I just immediately assume minor that doesn't want you to know they are a minor. The same is for people who write smut about minors, when they themselves are not, even if they didn't know the age of the idol. Like I saw someone the other day that wrote Niki smut and someone messaged them saying 'he's a minor', they full on said "omg I had no idea, he looks like he's 20" and like this is why we can't have nice things, at least they deleted their stuff, but still immediate block.

the czennie fandom part: YES. i feel like czennies on here just overdo everything like calm tf down and if you dont like certain type of content just..dont read it? its honestly so sad bc they used to be my ults but i also had such bad experiences in that fandom it's heartbreaking. ive been so much more cautious and careful with what i post ever since and i feel like a lot of fellow former nct writers feel that way. its just so difficult to deal with it all bc you do it as a hobby and to kinda escape the real world and boom, hate and negativity everwhere. i'd never go back to writing for nct for that sole reason only. im so sorry you had to go through that baby, i know exactly how disheartening and demotivating that can be 💔

about the whole age thing: FULLHEARTEADLY AGREED. i think with a fandom this young its super difficult to find a good balance but im honestly glad most of us older engenes think that way and so far most younger ones have been super respectful (tho i did have to block a few minors bc they interacted with my nsfw content) i still feel a lot more comfortable than i did in other fandoms. the thing is, atp if a 05/06 liner happens to write smut about an idol the same age i just close both eyes and block them bc who am i to tell them what to do yk? yet not knowing an idols age you write for is kinda ???? nah, dont fw but deffo get your other points. also i lit felt the mom friend part so hard bc same (more like older sister friend) but im genuinely afraid creeping out younger engenes bc i dont wanna seem like im being a weirdo 😭

[vorecommunitywoes]

the more i think about it i might be a horrible person in this case, i kinda know that. i got defensive over that idea but ive genuinely been on an emotional rollercoaster lately and i feel like i just said things that have made things worse and worse and i shouldnt have used those excuses and the more i think abt it i dont know whos side to look and i know you said you dont think im actually like. a horrible person but i think it might genuinely be true. i dont know. i might just need to take a break from most of the internet to recollect my thoughts because i dont want to believe im a horrible person but i also feel like it is true and that everyone has a right to hate me. i would say sorry again but i feel like that'd sound too empty and i apologize if this isn't. that in-depth of an apology there's too much going on in my head right now and you can get mad at me for that it's okay. i still feel worried you're like watching my main blog and shit but atp i don't feel like i have the right to be weirded out by that because of what i did. there's still some things i don't agree with on here but other than that i do need to self-reflect. bye. i guess.

-- dinner-faggot

im gonna be clear w you and say that i have no intention to seek out ur main blog, nor do i know wht it is. im not seeking to out whatever ur main may be bc even though what happened happened i dont think this would be a long standing pattern tht warrants ppl knowing who u are across all ur socials. its not a case like some others tht are entirely unapolagetic for hurting other ppl and spread that type of influence across multiple platforms if that makes any sense, or tht ur an adult who is exploiting other adults and/or children

and again i truly dont believe ur some sort of horrible person, there arent good and bad ppl, just actions, right? some can choose actions that hurt or help others, or any other range of descriptors, but tht doesnt lock them into a singular state of being. ppl can always change, its always a choice u can make. the past cant be undone but u can learn from it to inform what may be the correct choice in future decisions.

you did say things tht made me more upset, that is correct, BUT i dont think thts reason to think ur never going to make better decisions in the present and future. or that ur some sort of monster that simply is that way forever just because, yk? we are both people who have fumbled hard in the face of things that set off deep traumas, which is just... natural. it genuinely is. i can only assume wht ur thought process was when you decided to make that art, and i want you to think ab where exactly that reaction came from. did you do it because you felt angry at me? or that it felt scary to see somebody harshly point out harmful things tht were going on in a community u value, as it directly affected ppl u care about? i sympathize w that genuinely if thats the case, it sucks to know tht there are patterns of bad actors in a place w people who care ab you and how there are ppl u know that may either be in the line of harm or are perpetuating it.

i had a hard time coming to terms w it myself since i also was a child that would talk to people much older than i was about vore, and then realizing as an adult how much it fucked my mental health for these other adults to use children as their emotional comforts. nobody ever talks ab how hard it is to face that when they legitimately helped you w your comforts, but at the same time... put you in the fire. esp if they were also ur age but engaging in the same exploitation, very recently i had to make an extremely difficult decision to stop talking to somebody who was the same age as i was and knew me since we were kids because they pressured me into situations with other ppl they knew, they never took me saying no seriously.

its hard for me not to get mad, and then to balance showing that emotion on this blog. bc i do want to be extremely sincere in that im angry at the actions ppl have decided to take, but i dont want it to be the sole driver of why i do this. theres genuine concern and hurt too, i dont want what happened to me or my friends to happen to other ppl, and it feels like ppl dont listen if u take it up privately bc its easily quashed. there has to be a way for these things to not be ignored by the greater community.

in any case, thank you for at least trying, and dont ever stop, ok? youre doing what you can and im not faulting you for it, me being angry and upset doesnt mean i think you deserve bad things to happen to you or for people to hate you. and im sorry for upsetting you too, im trying to be less harsh in how i approach this stuff while still being direct and to the point. this has a lot of deep rooted trauma tht im still trying to untangle, and i need to be more careful about how it presents itself in what i say here.

[normalestgirlblog]

UPDATE

so i kind of have a new boy

hes older which scares me in a lot of ways

not that much older like 2 years im being dramatic

but obviously like high school me is flipping shit bc i was so in love with so many of the boys 2 years above me like i was actually obsessed with them and they were kind of like the last era of boys i was obsessed with when i used to be boy crazy

and when i say i used to be boy crazy I USED TO BE FUCKING INSANE AND DELUSIONAL

like a boy would ask me the time and i would think about it for a month type delusional

and atp all my friends were like hooking up / like fucking and everyone thought i was a lesbian, which may have been my fault whoops. i ruined my chances with girls because i may have been a little pyscho to my first girl but she was also fucking crazy in my defense. and then i ruined my chances with guys because everyone thought i was a lesbian bc bitches did not know that bisexuality was an actual thing

anyways

i was just obsessed with boys without even knowing them and it was always the ones like 2 years above me, 3 years was too far, and 1 year was too close plus they were not nearly as cute as the boys 2 years above me. like my art class was fucking incredible for me. although as soon as u get to know them it gets like problematic and i lose feelings. like i was properly obsessed with this boy in my art class, and one day we did this exercise where basically we had to talk about people that we hated. and literally out of nowhere he was like I hate Colin Kaepernick, which like is just so inherently horrible on so many levels. i get that he was like an army boy, he ended up going to west point and like whatever army boys are really sensitive about that stuff. But wtf like 1 that was the first name u came up with and 2 you are so fucking dense that you cant see how thats a problematic thing to say and 3 if you are so invested into this hatred did you at least take the time to understand why he did it. the answer to that last one is def not, because if he did he wouldnt have said that. i didnt even know that people like werent on his side. maybe im close minded to conservatives but like what the hell. Either way my crush was kind of obliterated into a million pieces, i would argue that my heart broke that day during art class.

obviously i would have heart wrenching crushes on people in other grades, but that grade was so good, so mysterious, so like lively and just very obsessable. People in my grade were so outwardly horrible that it was very hard to sustain an obsession on anyone.

however, the reason i havent had an obsession like crush on anyone since then except for this boy and he who shall not be mentioned, might be because i started smoking consistently after this era. and it kind of filled the hole where obsession existed and fed off my romantic ideals and delusional mind. weed like just made me not think or delude myself into liking people that were not good for me or anyone. and honestly if it also filled the hole of insecurity and all of the other stupid reasons i got suspended that wouldve been great too. it made me not care about delusional shit but did not fix me in the ways that i needed. it was never enough. fuck. and now that i dont smoke im getting fucking obsessed with boys again. it feels good but obviously also feels horrible because of the amount of panic attacks and insecurity that comes with liking a fucking boy.

liking a girl isnt much better, i also went crazy doing shit like that, but i havent done that in a while either. its worse to have an obsession with a guy that you know and are actively talking to. because you are just as delusional while they are making u feel bad about yourself to your face, and its not intentional but its not accidental. men are just manipulative creatures that have developed methods of getting what they want from women by playing into these fucking fantasies. that we are socially bred to have. like if i wasnt surrounded by notions of romance and loving a man despite his many many faults, and that my self-worth comes from having sex and being with a man, i would not be this fucked up over a fucking man.

And it honestly makes it worse that I know all of this, and I am still behaving like this. like i see the problem, i understand it, where it came from, why it exists, how it subjugates me and the women even gay women around me. there is still this compulsory subservience of men that is translated into this want and need for their attention and approval and validation. its so fucking twisted. and yet i find myself wanting them, needing them, allowing them into my heart and stomach and blood and brain and just letting them fuck all of my shit up. WHY. its not like i am stupid. i think. but like why. im miserable with them and im miserable without them. maybe im the problem?

i wonder what its like to be a man, to have this much power over women.

wait i got so off topic im just realizing. idk how it is possible but every single one of my posts turns into something depressing and existential. but i am actually happy. i do feel like im going a little bit crazy over the situation, and i am also still leading on the other girl bc i just cant bring myself to break her heart. but new obsession helping me get over old obsession and thats all a girl can really ask for.

however

i am not sure how in detail i can get abt sexual things on this app these days, but i need to get this out because it is bothering me. we were hooking up whatever and he was like i dont have a condom. obviously because i am easy and didnt suspect him to be a whore i was like oh lol thats fine idc. but then he was like oh i dont want to without a condom. which i know is normal and like very healthy but my mind is like a fucking maze of possibilities. one, that he thinks i have an std which is possible since i told him i havent used a condom in a while whoops. two, that he has an std, but we did other things that would make me not believe that. three, that he is really that nervous about getting me pregnant or stds in general, which in that case i would begin to question how nervous he is as a person and whether or not hes being really normal and im the freak, or the cautiousness of that act means something else. either way, im a fucking psychopath and no matter what anyone does im going to think of all the worst possibilities of what something could mean. this is why i like doing this and like unloading all of my thoughts because i get to see how anxious i truly am like i feel so fucking self aware right now its almost turning me on.

i dont think hes a freak, i think hes really normal. i am probably the freak that i find that really odd. also his body is so hard. its nice. and his face, but the beard scruff thing going on left my face RED.

im also completely overthinking all of it becasue it is unfortunately impossible for us to continue whatever has just been started because he is MOVING TO FUCKING SPAIN. fucker. its like he doesnt even care about me. im having a salvatore moment i suspect, and after its over a california moment. if i reference all of my romantic inclinations in terms of lana del rey songs it helps me like process them. still waiting for my groupie love <3