#i dont feel ok with myself posting this
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kittycatcarla · 2 years ago
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(possible rant under cut. might not be entirely related)
a recording a took earlier today. im not proud of it. the vocals can barely be heard but frankly that might be a good thing. not that the ukulele-emulated-on-a-classical-guitar sounds too good
yet my brain wants me to post this and since it's 1am i dont have the energy to oppose it
i've also recorded riptide on that same scuffed set-up. but i have to find a way to either sing more loudly or play more quietly or position my headphones' microphone differently. also i messed up the chords right at the fucking end on that one
not that i havent played C minor instead of C on a couple of occasions here too but that only drives the point further
but, y'know, at least with this i feel like im kinda getting somewhere
at least with music i have some past experiences. drawing was never my thing and im not surprised i didnt go anywhere with it this time
but i'd like to eventualy try it a bit harder again, at some point. maybe before i come to understand better my possible aphantasia (not fun btw)
anyway, there's some more songs i want to learn to play on he guitar/ukulele(even makeshift ukulele) so.. maybe expect them in the soon-but-not-too-soon future? idk. goodnight
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800db-cloud · 1 month ago
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spare some spy hcs? 👀
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OKAY. ok. so i have been putting off answering this ask because i’m admittedly very shy and very afraid of sharing my headcanons. and also because i have A LOT OF THEM.. but here we are!
here are my headcanon spies :) René works for RED and Jacques works for BLU!
where to start, where to start… i have a LOT of headcanons for them, i’ll be talking for FOREVER here. i’ll just start with story because why not! xP
René’s parents were also agents/spies, so he was always destined to be one as well. And he lives up to his parents’ legacies! He’s most notorious for destroying gangs and mobs and the like from the outside in. He was brought to America years ago to take out a dangerous mob boss, but unfortunately found himself infatuated (and involved) with the boss’ daughter. Luckily for him, the boss’ daughter wanted the guy dead, too.
René’s story is honestly a lot more fleshed out than Jacques’, but here goes anyway:
Jacques’ father was a very rich and powerful man in politics. Jacques himself was the result of an affair, and to keep it hush-hush, his father decided to raise him. Raise is a strong word, though— but he did help his father gain intelligence and blackmail on opposing political parties. Jacques proved to be a promising spy since childhood.
If anyone has any suggestions/ideas for Jacques’ story, let me know haha x) he didn’t have the greatest upbringing per se…
last thing on this section i wanna talk about is the Scouts. René is related to both of the Scouts; he’s RED Scout (Jeremy)’s biological father, and he’s BLU Scout (James)’ adoptive/step-father. Jacques has no relation to either scout, but acts as a guardian figure to BLU Scout.
anyway, this is the part where i continue talking about other miscellaneous headcanons! and these come with doodles :)
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You couldn’t catch René DEAD without his mask, or his suit! He’d neeever take them off around other people (‘other people’ is mainly just Scout. For obvious reasons.) Meanwhile, Jacques is pretty lenient in letting his teammates see his face! Everyone on BLU’s seen his face at least once.
A big part of why René refuses to strip down is also due to the fact he has a LOT of tattoos. No doodle for this one because I’ve yet to decide on what tattoos to put on him (ideas are very welcome!!), but yeah! Most of the tattoos were ‘forced’ onto him/he had to get for jobs and ‘fitting in’ with bad crowds, but a good few of them were of his own accord, too.
Jacques doesn’t have tattoos, but he has a myriad of another thing: scars! Lots and lots of scars on this guy. Faded and old, sure, but they’re there. Most prominent ones are the one around his neck (from when the RED Medic beheaded him) and the ones on his forearms (those are from the LAST time he was imprisoned— looong story…)
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René doesn’t cook very often for his team, but when he does, everyone’s always BLOWN AWAY by this guy’s cooking! René’s really bad at taking compliments, though— (“Cooking food that’s remotely edible isn’t a compliment, it’s basic survival.”) —but rest assured he’ll be thinking about it for the next month. Jacques, however… Do NOT let this guy into the kitchen. Ever. The BLU base has a special fire extinguisher “In Case Spy Decides To Turn On The Stove”
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oooh, this one is an hc and a HALF to me. René much prefers working alone. It’s just in his nature, being isolated and whatnot. He likes to deal with things by himself– maybe he doesn’t want to burden others? On the contrary, Jacques NEVER works alone. It’s a trait he’s had even before being hired to BLU. You never know when things could go wrong, so it’s best to have someone else to fall back to… or someone else you can blame!
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these hcs both have something to do with how René and Jacques show their trust in other people :) it’s a bit convoluted but it gets there:
René is, amusingly, very bad at remembering names. Almost laughably bad. There have been many-a-story of his days before RED where he’d get a target’s name wrong, even after he’d repeated it in his head dozens of times over. Names are difficult for him, so if he remembers yours, it means you mean a lot to him! He prefers using his teammates’ names rather than their titles. René is unaware of how charming this specifc trait is to his coworkers (they saw how much work and effort it took for him to memorize their names, they’re just happy with how far he’s come!)
Jacques has a… to put simply, very complicated relationship with food. But the one thing he’ll never turn down is sweets. His favorites especially being chocolate bonbons. Jacques has a hard time eating in front of others, let alone sharing his food! But if he genuinely likes and trusts you enough, he’d have half the mind to share with you. Admittedly, he hasn’t brought himself to share with most of the members of his team yet, except for a select few. Mostly BLU Medic and BLU Sniper.
and of course, eventually, EVENTUALLY, these two also become friends! it took a little bit but believe me, they both respect each other’s skill in their job :)
AHHg i could go sooo much longer about them— from things like their physical traits (how much teeth they have? it’s a pressing question) or different periods of their life (why did rené have to leave his family? why was jacques imprisoned for the last time?) BUT this post is so… so, so long. My fingers hurt from typing
If you’ve managed to read through this Beast, THANK YOU RAAHH!!! thanks so much for asking this, too. i hope to spare more hcs someday. hehe ^_^
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rendevok · 4 months ago
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40 :3
40~ an impulsive kiss
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My handwriting is messy, but i intended it as 3 speech bubbles:
Phoenix says (1)“Come here” while interrupting Edgeworth as he says (2)“W-”, and after he turns away, Phoenix says “They’re gone now”.
Hope you enjoy the not-so-healthy 7yg narumitsus!! Thanks :D
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lemongogo · 1 year ago
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sry i dont know what 2 draw anymore T_T . elendira portrait #999
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justxangelxthings · 1 year ago
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I keep getting messages asking me if my header picture is me and I say yes because it is BUT I feel very guilty because I'm wearing a TON of makeup, much more than I usually do and even a bit of eyelid tape to alter my appearance so here are some minimal makeup selfies 👉👈 (I'm wearing mascara in the first and eyeliner/lip gloss in the second.) My haircolor is also fake (I'm naturally brunette) and I sometimes wear colored circle lenses. To the 4 (!!!!!) girlies who messaged me so far that have made comparisons between my appearance and their own with a very unfavorable opinion of their own I promise I do not look like that picture 99.999999% of the time and in real life I am pretty plain and unremarkableand it is very possible that I would wish I looked like you if I saw you. 🙈
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divorcedfiddleford · 1 year ago
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it is friday my dudes (little hearts added by @tazmiilly)
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birdricks · 11 months ago
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sleepyhead lol….
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perilegs · 3 months ago
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i know astrology is fake but i'm not too keen on how a lot of people on this website seem to be clowning on it as a hobby a bit too hard. i swear the woman who thinks it's neat how she and her friends with the same sun sign are all similar isn't trying to say that you are who you are born as and there is nothing you can do to change it. it's a hobby. an interest. what happened to finding meaning and joy in the small things. does it affect you if someone enjoys tarot reading or crystals. does it make you upset someone has interests that they enjoy.
#im not saying astrology/tarot/crystals/etc. get clowned on so much bc theyre hobbies mostly enjoyed by women But....#i saw a post about some astrology study and made the mistake of opening the notes on that bad boy#not fun. and that reminded me of that old post that was basically like ''liking astrology is transphobic''#anyways idk maybe its just that my bestie is very much a ''crystal girl'' but like. stuff like that are such neat hobbies#she makes some cute little jars with pretty rocks and they make her feel better bc if you believe in something you can make it happen#when it comes to small things#like yeah if you pick up a stone that's like ''this can help you be more open with your emotions'' and you are like ''oh hell yea!''#ofc that will be on your mind and the item will be a constant reminder and actually help you with your goals#and its like. ok what really stuck with me was when i was talking with my bff and i was like ''i think all this stuff is interesting but i#feel bad bc i am superstitious and believe in some signs like lucky numbers but i know that logically its just. if i pick a lucky number of#i pay extra attention to it but i want to believe its lucky but i know how human brains work in that aspect''#and she was just like. ''so? those things dont have to exclude each other'' and it clicked#if i have a little tigers eye with me it does not make me feel more grounded magically#but if i decide (or believe) it's grounding then it will b bc it's a reminder for me to calm down#and stuff#like. ah idk how to put my thoughts into words#but i just think its unfair that a few rotten apples have ruined the perception of fun hobbies for a lot#not every astrology enjoyer is trying to sell you mlm essential oils or genuinely believe peoples entire lives are dictated upon the stars#or something#idk i just feel like these things are v misunderstood even tho im not personally like super into them myself#but ppl super mean about that stuff arent invited to look at my medieval themed fortune telling cards#idkk im sleepy and cant articulate my points someone else say this but better#leevi talks#im just saying. i dont think its bioessentialism to decide to believe you personally have a season for growth when the stars are in a#certain position or whatever
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mai-hatsume · 16 days ago
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BNHA manga spoilers btw
I have smtn to say ab bkdk like ok
I don't understand how ppl can't see it but ok each person has their own views and I get it but let's be so fucking serious here.
if I was ochaco or whoever you shipped w izuku and I was dating him I'd be so fucking jealous of katsuki coz????? what the actual fuck are you talking ab???? and like the opposite too like Kiri and Kats?????? my boyfriend died for his 'best friend' twice like???????? what have you done for me?
he saved up for 8 YEARS to get a suit for izuku??? do you think that's normal behaviour????
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xxplastic-cubexx · 1 month ago
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what is your favorite thing about charles and your favorite thing about erik? separately, as in what you like most about their characters :]
a devious question this one is, my friend!!! it's hard enough for me to explain my thoughts cohesively, but having to pick ONE thing i particularly love is difficult. with characters like charles and erik, theres been so much done with their characters over the decades and so they have so many components to them that make them so interesting and fun to observe. BUT I TRY FOR YOU TODAY. under the cut i kinda ramble and the size of this text box makin me anxious
i think if i were to be simple and broad, what i enjoy most about charles is his determination to help others, even if he isn't really thanked and/or if people don't even like him. ofc, this isn't to say he hasn't done wrong- to be honest, the fact he does wrong/questionable things at times is another aspect of him i really enjoy, maybe because- broadly speaking- he's meant to be altruistic (intent vs outcome and all that). i don't know if that's super exciting to most people, but it is for me
as for erik, my reason for liking him is easier to explain tbh. To Be Simple And Broad, his progression from villain to antihero over the decades has been fun to observe (as much as i have so far anyhow) and analyze. i think to be a bit more specific, him using his rage and pain as justifications for his villainous actions is definitely what compels me the most: hurt people hurt and the sort, an idea i've always found interesting (something something vicious cycles and the like). yet now, he recognizes this wasn't really. A Just Thing To Do and is beginning to change that, which i enjoy
#snap chats#may you forgive me anon i always feel awkward explaining things AVELKJEAKLJ#i feel esp awkward cause i haven't read toooo much of the comics yet- like ive read. an ok amount so far krakoa wise#can you guys tell im fighting god himself to Not write a fuckin. NOVEL#im so sorry i have an over-explaining problem my mom was mean to me growing up but anyways#i definitely want to read more and more outside krakoa. the more i read the more im fascinated by these two and their history#but to continue my prattling. as if the three paragraphs above arent enough This Is Not A Thesis RELAX#i think a. 'poignant' moment i think adds to what i like about charles too is that soliloquy where he recognizes people dont like him#yet he could always be worse- like if he's bad now to others imagine if he really just said Fuck It All#it's simple but so am i whaddyagonnadoboutit. i mean that point itself could be discussed but i'm trying to keep this brief bear with me#i so bad want to know what issue that's from tho all i know is that it's from krakoa but i neeeed the whole context#i think like. an additional bullet point to charles i also like is his loneliness#and i say this cause- I Say From My Amateur-Psychology Armchair- it's a component of why he's so earnest to help#but im keeping this point in the tags until i can confidently verify that with myself after some more reading#Unfortunately a favorite pass time of mine is psychoanalyzing characters like why else you think i major in psychology smh#im going to force myself to cap the post here because i ended up typing like 20 more tags just rambling#and as i said id like to keep this simple and clean !!!!! i have sat here for like four hours answering this ngl#ignore the fact half that time was spent getting distracted by solitaire and riffling cards ok I Am Very Easily Distracted#but fr when it comes to charles and erik- charles esp imo#i feel like i need to write a whole paper just so i can mention the nuances of the characters and like. EVERYTHING#because again six decades is A Lot of time for writing decisions to be made and for their characters to change over time#im a glazer but i wanna be a nuanced glazer yk. is that glazing at that point-- w/e anyway#its a lot. so today you will have to tolerate a very Blah answer from me which i must apologize for#down the line once ive read a comfortable amount more varying from multiple eras maybe ill revisit this question more in depth#as of right now tho .... chat i wanna get legion of x so bad i skimmed it and hhhhhhhhim gonna throw UP#i need to shake charles like a ragdoll BUT ANYWAY. bye bye for now lovelies !!!!!!!#please forgive me if i didnt answer your question efficiently ..#here i am saying i wanted to keep the tag count brief and yet !!! jesus christ. shut up My God I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT
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deoidesign · 6 months ago
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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elusiiev · 1 month ago
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OMORITOBER DAY 14: LIBRARY
i like to imagine spirit mari tossing down her favorite memories for omori to read while peeking around to see omori's reaction :3
i was thinkin of drawing her too, but honestly i wasnt very sure what pose to do and i was a bit tired !!
thanks to @/ntrogensolar for the omoritober prompt list!
extra rant in the tags ab why this isnt a full piece!
#artists on tumblr#omori#omori fanart#omoritober#inktober#ez_draws#ez_rants#so heres the deal#i get very tired easily with the whole onyl certain amount of 'spoons' per day thing#i spend most of my time doing my homework#and after that i feel like ive gotta finish the drawing for the day#this means i subconsiously sacrifice time doing things that i truly wanna do including spending time with my friends and doing other things#if i prioritize doing the things that i want to do a little more than this challenge#it ends with me kiiinnddaaa staying up pretty late trying to finish the art#and also lower quality art in general!#however i dont wanna quit the challenge just yet; we'll see how things go but for now i was thinking just doing a sketch! it allows me to-#still do a daily drawing which is great for someone who sometimes goes months without drawing and still not burning myself out on the dail#for example - this drawing took about an hour even though i took my time! and i was also able to spend time with friends and family and-#still be productive! i know i dont have to explain myself; its my art after all but yk i like to explain stuff especially when in relation#to my art! i wanna make sure the art i make is something i truly enjoy and not a plaguing responsibility- so i'll be adapting this-#challenge to my own needs! anyway thats all- sorry for the long rant! and congrats to the people who have enough time and motivation to do#the full challenge!!!#ok byebyeee! and i might be posting more silly sketches in my free time!#rant over <3
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artie-mess · 9 months ago
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maskedinfinate · 11 months ago
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OK FINE OBLIGATORY YAOI POST RRGRGRGGGRR
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genuinely so embarrassed to post it but um im trying to be brave ok. idk what they have going on but they are gay as fuck and probably also both on the aroace spectrum. And trans. And autistic.
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suffarustuffaru · 9 months ago
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i need to share my very horrible idea to combine the reinhard/julius/otto/subaru boy drama into one julius-centric fic
ok so a little while ago ive made all kinds of ottojuli and reinjuli posts and while i havent finished all my major julisuba posts Yet i am quite fond of julisuba also and i think itd be incredibly funny if you just dumped all of these ships into one story. just go ALL IN on that boy drama!!!! go big or go home amirite!!!! the worlds WORST love trapezoid youve ever seen!!!!
this post is just me rambling fic ideas bc i sadly dont have time for Every Fic Idea and also i just. i just think itd be funny putting multiple ships with the same person in them into one fic. on a serious level its like mimicking real life relationships where sometimes people come and go and you have different dynamics with each person!! on another level i just think this is also very funny so!! here we go. under the cut:
anyway so my idea for this is that you know, julius of course meets reinhard when hes ten and reinhard is eight and then it alters julius's brain chemistry. at first he's in complete awe of reinhard. and then over time the shame starts setting in. that julius isnt as strong as reinhard. and the jealousy sets in a bit too, so julius's got this chip in his shoulder trying to carry his family's legacy and trying to carry the weight of knighthood to be as perfect as possible. to be as close to reinhard as he can. they meet again in their teens and julius shows reinhard the ropes of like basic knight stuff bc reinhard just joined the knights. and of course reinjuli become friends but julius has spent his whole life quietly watching reinhard from afar and now julius still has that distance with reinhard even as theyre supposedly friends now. reinhard is a God, you know? his powers and his leash from the kingdom and his family keep him distant and the two of them are ignoring that. classic homoerotic "do i want him or want to be him" friendship where both of you are too scared to get any closer for various reasons with a Twist (reinhard's very real monster complex that keeps getting validated bc Everyone Around Him thinks hes a monster).
anyway but then julius remembers that you know, shit between reinhard and him wont work out for many reasons, like reinhards family deciding to torment julius at various points in his life (heinkel, whos julius's boss, and reid, who went from julius's childhood idol to. you know.), and also reinhard needs to have kids because hes the sword saint, and also homophobia exists in rezero. and also even if those werent all obstacles julius still has his Complexes connected to reinhard and they got that distance between them so. no go. (repression gets in the way of relationships :((( )
also quick side note is that ex 4 happens and julius reinhard ferris go to vollachia and julius interrupts a meeting with vincent vollachia himself to go "I UNDERSTOOD THAT LITERARY REFERENCE YOU JUST MADE. THATS A REALLY GOOD REFERENCE I LIKED IT A LOT" bc hes a massive nerd and ig this is slightly-more-of-a-disaster-gay julius au so julius is like ............................. vincent was kinda cool for that.
AND THEN SUBARU CRASHES INTO JULIUS'S LIFE and julius is like seeing this guy who's also got a chip in his shoulder and then he insults the knights and says the knights are all depending on their dads (nepotism) and julius is like .......the chip in my shoulder was bad enough and also youre kinda like me fr. and you are clearly a fucking misguided kid so now i have to save your ass. i cant NOT save your ass. and reinhards like "julius and subaru nooo you dont have to do this :((((" and julius cant admit atm that hes also doing this to save subarus life so julius is just like "he disrespected the knights >:(((("
but yes we all know what happened there. julius saves subarus life. julius has to slice subarus throat in that one failed loop. they become friends across several timelines. they also homoerotically share souls, you know, typical bromance things, rivals to lovers except subarus the one going YOURE MY RIVAL and julius is like he is SUCH an upstart. hes really grown on me like a fungus but thats the appeal. and julius i think sees subaru as like a kindred spirit (or at least thats how i interpret julisuba) except subaru is like way more freer than julius is. same desire to prove yourself but subarus not restraining himself constantly like julius. its sometimes to the point of recklessness and general stupidity and what have you, but his boldness and bravery and determination and heart really is admirable.........................
yeah so anyway julius falls for ANOTHER guy again, you know how it is sometimes. the heart wants what it wants and julius is cursed to always have the worst meetings with his closest friends. and of course julius gets heartbroken bc wtf i have to kill my new friend :((( noo!!!! but in the finished loop its like. oh subaru...... hes really improved himself. hes grown so much already. hes kind of. inspirational really. idk how he does it. except subarus you know got that Mystery to him the same way reinhard does (theyre traumatized and Cant Take About It Normally so they just randomly lore drop what they can) and also subarus SUPER into emilia. and julius is like .................... well. subarus taken. haha. and reinhards. taken. fuck me. fuck. and like somethings going on with subaru and rem and emilia right. fuck. and subarus got his whole toxic masculinity / gender crisis..... and he doesnt know hes Bisexual yet...... man. what a loss for julius amirite haha.
and also subarus busy after arc 3........... and julius has no idea whats happening there but that seems Real serious :(( and julius's got other things to attend to so he hopes subaru reaches out to him eventually..... or that they cross paths again since subarus in the emilia camp and julius is in ana camp (and of course reinhard is in felt camp and like that was a whole debacle bc wtf. reinhard, u do know thatd be a big deal to our mutual friend felix?). so. julius pines from afar ONCE AGAIN HAHA.
(also of course subarus still attracted to reinhard here. its um. well julisuba can bond now over pining over reinhard but thats for later also!!)
anyway of course during arc 3 julius briefly runs into some gray haired merchant twink thats being dragged around by subaru bc ana camp rescued this guy from a cave somewhere??? and this new guy and subaru made a deal or whatever so he was just helping out in the background of the fight against sloth??
and whaddya know................ julius goes to drink at a bar bc you know he probably tastes wine for fun in his free time (hes definitely Fond of wine anyway iirc) and now hes Sad over the Ones That Got Away so. bar it is. and gray haired merchant twink is there!! no way. they start talking a bit casually while drinking you know and julius's taste is Unfortunately either the graceful ones (anastasia, because julius has great taste in women) or the cringe fail ones (all the twinks - except for felix - that julius keeps having the wildest first meetings with, because julius has slightly shit taste in men) so julius is like huh this otto guys kinda funny lol. endearing in a weird way!! and -
oops they both end up being a little. they make a little bit of a move on each other. bc they were drinking and got a Bit tipsy. ottos Also not over the one that got away (subaru) (again) and hey. the finest knight truly is. Fine. objectively fine. totally. so you know. things get a little out of hand, maybe they do a bit of cringe fail flirting hidden underneath five million layers of repression and the Horrors of Being Known but ultimately they both embarrass themselves somehow (read: how far they went with each other while under the influence is up to you) and agree to Never Speak of This Again bc oopsies they were both technically each other's first time being Straightforwardly Not Straight with another man. oops. anyway julius has to go back to his camp and otto fucking bolts but he bolts right into subaru and gets his ass dragged into sanctuary drama.
julius is totally not a little bit envious about that.................... about otto getting to accompany subaru to sanctuary... but dont worry julius!! youll get to make up for it later!! bc eventually arc 5 stuff happens. and julius is Glad to see reinhard and subaru again. even with all the Baggage. and subaru is of course Weird about julius but eventually subaru reassures julius after they both confide in each other about the astrea drama (theyre honorary astreas via being dragged into the astrea family mess). and subarus reassuring to julius in a whole new way okay. subaru, whos unrestrained and incapable of being on the down low about anything, and julius, whos always holding himself back with a gazillion layers of repression, starts learning to let go a bit...
but also juliotto meet again. its terribly awkward and they both agreed to never speak of their awkward encounters again. subaru is going ??? and reinhard is clueless. otto then also goes to save reinhard and felt from heinkel trying to take felt hostage, which was also terribly awkward but reinhard and felt are grateful about it (but lbr if reinhard and otto knew each other deeper reinhard would maybe be a little. Apprehensive. around otto while otto would be sympathetic with reinhard bc hes like male emilia). but then while otto manages not to get erased by gluttony....... julius gets erased. of course. which you know results in being forgotten by reinhard in julius's THIRD first meeting ever with reinhard. and subarus the only one who remembers him of course.
then arc 6 happens :,))))) and julius of course has to confront his ideas of knighthood, his identity, his self esteem, and who he is outside of His Name. and also julius gets his ass beat by reid. his childhood idol. who reinhard KNEW was a shitty person but never ever told julius (whether this is because reinhard wanted to spare julius's hero worship or because reinhard never got the chance to tell julius is hard to say lajdsf). but julius does get to triumphantly win in the end!! grow as a person!!! learn to undo a bit of that repression and not hold himself to impossible standards all the time!! hes growing still!!! hes finally solidified his friendships with people like subaru and emilia!! hes remaking his relationship with anastasia!! hes asserted himself, hes planning on going to meet reinhard again one day and duel him!! things are looking up even if its still bittersweet that he doesnt have his name back yet!! does this mean?? perhaps?? a HAPPY ENDING?? julius can have the two men (reinhard and subaru) he admires the most in his life?????? as friends???? or as boyfriends?????? slowburn mutual pining????????????????????????????????????????
and then comes. arc 8 otto. that piece of shit.
julius is very much someone who has to grapple with the weight of the expectations that people throw at him. and also reinhard is someone who May envy julius a bit, but there's also you know, joshua and subaru with the Explicit Envy and (past) resentment because theyre placing heavy expectations on julius!! theyre pointing blame at julius!! julius is trying to find himself outside of stuff like that, especially after arc 6, but he's still got stuff to work on you know? he still has duties to fulfill!! loyalty that he has to act on bc hes gotta help subaru and co in arc 8!! and then in comes otto.
otto is also someone with expectation placed on him, but its Different. ottos mostly a nobody and when hes Not a nobody, his reputation tends to be Derogatory. hes a menace. hes a bad luck charm. hes grappling with the fact that he has to keep being left behind - post-arc 5 bc he was injured, but also repeatedly during arcs 7 and 8 because hes too physically weak to be on the same playing field as emilia or garfiel or subaru on the battlefield. he feels Useless after placing his identity on the expectation that hes Dependable and Useful.
julius is a bit more on even ground with otto now that julius is. also mostly a nobody bc his name is still gone. and also julius had to deal with having that part of his identity crushed. julius tried to be useful over and over in arc 6 only to get his ass repeatedly curb stomped by reid in the beginning. he was a nobody. he wasnt dependable anymore. and also otto is that one guy he had a Passing Fling with over having The Ones Who Got Away and julius was still vaguely hopeful about maybe being pals at least but ottos brushed him off a bit since arc 5. theyre like each others secrets you know? and now otto doesnt know that shit - julius is the only one who Knows - and otto also hates julius's fucking guts now. over SUBARU. and julius has been through this whole rodeo clown circus with arc 3 subaru so this is an absolutely terrible ride through memory lane.
and this is julius's THIRD twink that hates him for terribly unfair reasons. julius is very tired and a bit heartbroken in this au trying to pretend it doesnt bother him. on one level it doesnt. bc ottos pathetic and clearly Overcompensating for Something. on another level it kinda does bc julius had a Thing going with otto. and otto is the complete opposite of julius. like hes different from the other guys julius has liked.
julisuba is about complimentary opposites - they appear Extremely Different at first glance but theyre very similar. theyre people who try to look and act bigger than they are, people who keep reaching to be The Best, to be Perfect, because theyre overcompensating. theyre worried their entire identity is only built off of trying to be bigger than the shadow that other people in their lives (like their families) cast. but they cant reach perfection. and julius is like subaru but if subaru tried to really make himself "refined" - if he tried to stop putting his heart on his sleeve all the time. reinsuba are very similar too. theyre very refined knights who try to keep themselves in check at all times while the weight of the world is on their shoulders. they cant have a hair out of place. except julius is like the "smaller" version of reinhard. julius is less powerful. its like comparing a human and a "god" - reinhard, whos untouchable. but its a double edged sword, because julius gets to be a normal person, because half the expectation placed on him is also purely from himself, while reinhard isnt. reinhard isnt Free. hes on a leash by the kingdom and his family. julius even gets his kind of "celebrity" status stolen from him via the loss of his name. hes truly kind of Normal now - julius is like if reinhard didnt have his crazy abilities and had a little more of a chance to be free.
otto? yeah otto is. very very far from all of that. hes so obviously imperfect that most of his reputation, when its brought up, is just him being known as a mess who's caused various forms of chaos everywhere he goes. either that or hes just. There. Invisible. very very average. and otto is someone who wants a nice comfortable life, someone who wants to fit in - julius and subaru arent Exactly like that, and while reinhard also wants to be normal, ottos the one who has more of an opportunity. but he doesnt. because otto Dooms Himself by being recklessly cutthroat. otto is like if subaru was just. More of an asshole, so ottojuli would just be a rather Extreme Challenge for julius to have to deal with HAH. and normally otto is someone who repays how people treat him - a very "you treat me like this, i'll treat you the same way in turn" kind of deal, except ottos developed a vendetta against julius and its basically like if subaru never let go of his arc 3 julius vendetta.
yes so anyway. etc etc stuff probably happens but i ran out of ideas lajdlfjasdf i just think combining ALL the boy drama and recontextualizing + adding to canon would be. batshit crazy. and terribly entertaining. im so sorry julius but i want to see you crack a bit under the pressure. reinjuli as a ship is like tragic gay yearning that never goes anywhere past being friends with quiet homoerotic tension, then julisuba is. you know. extreme rivals to lovers, starts out Rough but then ends up being super super sweet and theyre Trying their best underneath the self esteem issues. and then ottojuli is. toxic yaoi at its finest (pun intended). you get Every flavor of mlm possible!!
ok so you may be asking "ok what would you even name this fic then" and to that i say that this would be called To All the Boys I've Loved Before.
anyway i really wanna write this idea someday ill inform you guys (if youre reading this and are Interested) if it ever happens :< so. in conclusion this is just julius the entire time throughout all of these events:
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cerealmonster15 · 4 months ago
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Heyyyyy *tucks hair behind ear* can we get more Third Year poly? 😃
HELL YEAH LET'S GO sorry in advance if me saving an ask as a draft causes any tumblr glitches or if i missed any autocorrect/typos bc i did some of this on my phone late at night 🕺 also this is mostly just going to be me Blabbing Forever til i get tired or hit some sort of limit so WOOHOO THIRD YEAR DIVORCE POLYCULE TIME!!!
a readmore because there is a Lot of Text and Screenshots and Doodles so. it is a long post. SORRY.
i have so many twst thoughts just floating in my brain at all times so i didnt know where to start, but i did peek on your blog and see trey clover postings + trey/malleus which gives me the starting point of FIRELIT SKY OVER SANDS EVENT MY BELOVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a big W for trey/cater/malleus community [and also jamil had fun interactions with them but SORRY JAMIL THIS IS ABOUT THE THIRD YEARS RIGHT NOW!!!!]. i love that event So Much. that's the main place i can recall trey and malleus interacting and also they both had so many good moments w/cay... i love that cater calls them all -kun in the japanese dialogue, even malleus who so many people are scared of. hes like teehee no you still get hit with friendly cute honorific beam <3 i think malleus' main entryways to whatever the hell the third years have going on is via treycay for marriage but also, of course, his insane divorce beams with leona. and then when he heals vil in book 6 there's no escaping the polycule. best of both worlds welcome to the family LOL
anyway it's so fucking funny that cater and trey are like the normal class citizens having shock after shock of their lives in this event, being exposed to kalim's way of life and then whatever the hell comes out of malleus' mouth jfklsjdfls. anyway the scene where they get dressed in that event is everything to me like i thought about this dialogue for So Long
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like hello. Flirting. malleus telling cater he looked Bright Like Fireworks changed me as a person like i literally NEVER got over that line. And then caters like EXCUSE ME OTHER HUSBAND QUIT BEING A WALLFLOWER!!!! silly. Also
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This is soooo cute caters like “hehehehe I danced with Trey in the fancy ballroom” and grim is like “wow you bitches are having too much fun 😒” ??? Like a hater I guess LOL. But Trey gets so shocked and embarrassed about it going NO I DIDNT DANCE CATER JUST PULLED ME AROUND!!! like bro it’s grim 😭just admit you love your boyfriend it's FINE!! it’s so silly lol.
but also i was so mad at them in that one scene where cater was like "omg it's the fruit that makes you friends forever if you take a pic let's take a pic!" AND THEY ALL SAID NO. WHAT THE HELL. BETRAYAL AND AGONY cater got stuck with the "dont take a picture of me i dont like having my picture taken" squad 😒 jade wouldve done it. if he were here. sorry this aint about him either FSDLKFJSKLG trey clover you have let cay take pics w/you on several occasions why'd you have to shut down his fruit. ill kill u. sjkflJKFLDJSKLF JK JK aside from that. very cute stuff.
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Spices !!! lol i love that cater apparently just keeps pointing them out to trey like umm teehee doesnt that one sound sooo tasty and fun to cook with <3??? and treys like ok yes i will cook for you forever. because i love cooking and i love you. jkfdlsjfklsdj and then malleus is so funny to me hes like wow clover sure knows a lot about spices. i dont know anything about spices 😔 WHYS HE LOOK SO CRESTFALLEN ABOUT IT?? idk why that's so funny to me but it IS Lol. it's ok malleus just. marry into the polycule and trey can do all the spice IDing for you idk 👍 malleus draconia looming in the shadows of clover bakery watching his beloved normie husband bake. Hell yeah brother.
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cater teaching malleus to take pics and using his hip cool teen slang that confuses him is soooo cute ough i love them. like i started shipping them i think specifically from the PE story where cay wanted a pic of malleus and malleus was TEASING HIM by running around and being all evasive, so i love that it comes back around here with more photography bonding lol. and then cater 👀 talking about malleus' music and commenting on the more melancholic vibes... this line marinates in my mind for now, i actually forgot about that one. i am 🔍 thinking a little more about how cater sometimes gets those implications and scenes where he himself is a little more on the melancholic and loner side of things, and i do think that's another point as to why i like to put him with characters like malleus and idia [also leona??] lol because i think it could be interesting to put cay in his somewhat less performative state [not to say his ENTIRE character is an act, there are layers here, but omg if i start going into my cater diamond thoughts again we'll be here forever so i will not get into that rn LOL]
anyway i would like to see cater and malleus play music together. i think there's a line somewhere - i wanna say cater's pop/light music club card had a homescreen line? where he says something about how he wanted to try a ballad out but lilia and kalim were a lil too wild hyped up or maybe that the three of them could never settle on one genre lol i forget exactly. but i think malleus with his knowledge of Stringed Instruments In General [he has a guest room line where he's just like. yeah if you have any stringed instruments i can play those. he doesnt specify which ones so i guess he just knows All Of Them. Okay.] + cater on HIS stringed instrument, the guitar... they'd be a cute little music duo. i reckon the style of music mal plays isnt what cay's used to but i think he could be into it once he's used to it. he's making that expression in the second part there ^ that doesnt look particularly off put or really anything extreme, but like hes just Thinking about it. pondering if you will. me when i over analyze one little dialogue and facial expression flkjfklsjfKLJFDSKLJF. They’re even matching their closed eyes thinking pose….
you will find my thoughts about 3rd years and also twst in general skew HEAVILY towards heartslabyul centric thoughts because. i spend the most amount of time thinking about them and who they interact with LOL like omg i know malleus and leona fight a lot but i actually genuinely struggle to remember specific instances of it besides that one laundry saga with like the ceremony robes mix up thing JFSKLFJKSDL but i sure can talk for many paragraphs about like, one off dialogues they have with cater diamond specifically.
Trey feels like a trophy husband LOL I mean not really but also kind of. Mostly bc I remember one of his cards has a home screen line where he’s like “yeah I’m the vice housewarden but it’s really decoration bc riddle does all the work himself” <- Trey when he downplays his own contributions. but also when you look at all the other third years they’re all SO MUCH and treys kinda just chillin. He keeps everyone fed while they do their antics 🫡 i also love that Trey is more or less the one with the least hostile bonds of the third years shfjcngng everyone’s fighting for their lives but Trey clover is cool. I mean Idia did list him and rook in his top 10 scary vice dorm leaders or whatever the fuck it was he said in one of the beans events LOL but ASIDE FROM THAT. god i love Idia he is so strange.
Anyway Trey and cay are soul mates bonded for life in my eyes so they are a package deal integrated into the divorce vortex of third years djffngbgbght like Trey is besties with cater and they were roomies for two years. He’s science besties with rook and they keep buddying up during events together. Vil praised him in vils lab coat story and even was convinced by Trey to take a break and have the cake he brought over lol, and I think??? That’s also where he was like “hmm I’d like to have you as pomefiores pastry guy 🧡” or whatever??? and he was like Ha Ha No Thanks I Dont Want To Do Calorie Calculations fkljdsfklsd. silly. Malleus seems impressed with treys dedication to his craft or at least bc he knows what spices are lol. i feel like theres a gap in my mind when i try to remember malleus and trey talking outside of the sands event.... also the coconut thing was funny in that event where malleus just busted one open with his bare hands and trey was like WHAT THE FUCK!!! i dont remember anyone else's reactions but i am p sure trey at least was. shaken to his core with how wild that was LOL. anyway. I think Idia finds Trey scary bc he finds everyone scary but also sees trey as the normie type guy who is good at socializing and seems unassuming on the surface but is concealing HIDDEN POWER??? I can’t remember if that’s something he actually said or if that’s my headcanon lol. Leona and Trey interact quite a bit in playful land event but I still don’t wanna say too much in case that’s spoilers for eng only people!! But Leona always has that smug smirking TENSION VIBES when he talks to his fellow third years like that bastard is trying to speedrun the marriage and divorce at the same time. He has Trey and cater in his sights actually I doodled that once I gotta find it
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it was on a post about second years so i cropped it but i also left some of them in bc i think my joke was like teehee third year divorce polycule that riddle thinks is strange despite also kind of being in a divorce polycule himself with like. the fish and jamil at the very least KLFDJSKLFJKGLH but we cant get into the second years right now this aint about them WE DONT HAVE TIME!!! actually lemme see what other images i can post before i hit a limit just by skimming thru my drawing tag
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heres rookvil ft leona re: rook and vil's bond when rook was still a savanaclaw and then transferred to pomefiore,,, i want to know what it was like in savanaclaw with both leona and ROOK lkfjdslf
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this was something i drew after book 7 part 111 or something, i was watching the youtube fan translation so i guess it is maybe not out in engtwst yet but no context dont worry about it. dont. dont worry about it. idia and malleus.
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cater rook smoochie doodle :]
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classes 2c and 3b my beloveds... i am also realizing as i skim thru my drawing tag that i draw. a lot of Second Years skfjsdljgh
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CAYTOBER JUMPSCARE!!!! every year in october i do a cater doodle every day because I Love Him and hes fun to draw. this one included lurking malleus, for some reason. i like when he looms behind people but hes kinda just. gripping cater by the shoulders here KLFDSJFKLG?? whatever it's fine
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ALSO TREYS BIRTHDAY IS DURING CAYTOBER SO HE GETS TO HAVE DAY 25!!!! we are once again in the cater skewed territory lol
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LITERALLY why do cater and vil feel like such a RAREPAIR!!!! there's a line in jpntwst in vil's R card standard uniform story with him and cater, and in the original cater's like "woahhh your eyelashes are sooo longggg [gets in his space] haha for a moment i thought about dating you~!" and vil's response is more or less "ok well you should know that dating me would be very EXPENSIVE." and caters like aw bummer hehe <3 or something like that. something along those lines. engtwst changed it to cater saying something more like "ohhh woah your eyelashes are so long for a sec i thought i was dreaming~" and vil says "well you should be glad there's not a price for dreaming about me" or whatever. honestly still a little gay but def NUKED >:[
but also while i have you here i have to talk about the cater milf enjoyer line that they ALSO nuked EVEN MORE than the dating vil line that NO ONE TALKS ABOUT i swear to god let my guy be bisexual. it's not related to the third year polycule thing but i just want to talk about it. anyway in i think either cater or trey's ceremony robes story[i mix them up bc theyre both in each other's 🧡 but i think it was probs cater's?], when cater and trey are watching the sorting ceremony and doing their game together about guessing which dorm each student will be in [btw so cute theyre playing a game together lol i love u treycay my BELOVEDS] anyway they see epel go up, and debate on if he will be in heartslabyul or not. i believe in the original theyre talking about how epel's pretty and cater's like "ooooh i bet he has older sisters~! or if he doesnt have sisters, he at least has a mom~ HEHE JKJK" like. hello. FJKSDJFLDSJGKLFJ i think treys just like 😑 about it LOL god. but then in engtwst they CHANGED IT!!!! to cater commenting that epel "looks like he does his dishes" and trey was like "you just want him in heartslabyul so he will do your dishes 😑" which is so. like. huh>????? that boy looks like he cleans up after himself and does his dishes. GIRL HELLO why does that. wh. that's such a drastically different line from before lol. like at least with the vil one it was still honestly a similar ballpark, cuz cay seemed like he was going "wow youre soooo gorgeous i thought i was dreaming~" which still feels flirty even tho they took out the DATING line, like im still mad about it but it couldve been worse i guess. wow vil you look like you do your dishes KLFJDSKLFJLK
anyway. cater and vil are so interesting to me. like a lot of times vil is rolling his eyes and calling cater out for his superficial tendencies because yeah, to be fair, cater DOES Have a habit of sweet talking to try and get something out of it - like magicam clout. HOWEVER ill defend to my death that theyre not ONLY interacting like that and they do sometimes get along jfklsdjfl specifically in the halloween events, like the first two halloweens and then also theyre both in the puppet playful land event, which is i guess not halloween in universe BUT it's twst's halloween event lol, and they DO get along and work well together in those!!! i think vil likes cater fine and doesnt mind him, but he will just call him out like he would anyone else if theyre doing something he doesnt agree with / hes like [sonic voice] IVE FOUND YOU FAKER!!! but when cater's not being suspicious hes not got reason to be aggro.
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ace jumpscare!!! this was directly from a guest room fight i had between trey and cater and then ace was also there just chillin while his dorm parents tried to kill each other :3
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but it's ok i also drew them smooching jsdklfjsdlgjh this all also tells me i need to draw some non cater third year ships!!!! well i will still draw cater. but i will also draw Other Ones because I LIKE THOSE TOO i just jkfjslejfk
ok this post is getting too long so i am going to cut myself off now but FIRST!!! i feel like my stoopid caterella multiverse ideas probably also applies because there are a lot of third year branches involved in that one LOL . and ummm some fics ive written for third years hmm what do i have...
this one is cater/idia and it's one of my more recent fics and tbh one of my current favorite ones ive written so far lol.
some short leona/cater sorry these ARE all going to be cater related jkljfdkslfj when it comes to fics the main things i write are something cater or something jamiazu KJSDFKLS
this one technically isnt ships but i think i reference a few, it's cater and leona hanging out and then also trey and vil are there lol
trey/cater fic about them getting together when they go to rook/vil's wedding
and then this is the only cater/malleus i've written somehow despite having drawn them a lot over the years and them being one of my early twst ships... i think about them a lot why havent i written more for them...
i also have never written cater/vil which is a crime. i tend to pair treycay with rookvil and i just hfsdhgskljel the four of them. lock them in a room together study them under a microscope forever. theyre the most married section of the overall polycule in my mind lol the least likely to fight but they will probably still bully each other for funsies sometimes because they ARE still nrc students <3
ok ok ok i am dragging myself away from the keyboard. cerealmonster talk about something that is less heartslabyul centric challenge level IMPOSSIBLE!!! sorry i like all of them but i just have heavy bias towards my fave dorm forever LOL JKSLFJSDL
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