#i dont eben know how to feel

[squipy]

Me: *randomly wakes up at 7am* on the election? Mabye today will be a go-

Google: trump won

Me: ....cool so ima go sleep and never wake up

[svnflowermoon]

why can i literally not function at school like i swear i'm trying i just can't focus????

[thegreatyin]

[abrd]

truly in rhe worst headspace feeling out of my mind rn cause i socialized with people for an action and so many tjingd came up

[woodwood6000]

i have to go to sleep at a decent time(before 3am) because i need to drive tmrw☹️☹️☹️☹️

[b3ach-bunn7]

WE SUFFOCATED OUR LOVE

a random number starts texting you and you decide to text back

Or, the bassist of your favourite band accidentally messages you and u fall in love

inspired by this fic 😆 and my fav band the driver era

band!au, no quirks, text form, eventual romance

————————————————————————-

September 18th

10:37 pm

Unknown: Ask Shiggy to grab me a monster on his way back

You: a monster?? are u 12…

Unknown: Shut up and ask

You: sorry I think you have the wrong number

Unknown: No I don’t

You: lowkey u do..

You: r u trying to hack me

Unknown: You’re still texting me so u would probably fall for it

You: okay ur still textjng me genius

Unknown: Texting*

You: Shut up.

You: okay don’t actually shut up

Unknown: Thought I was a hacker

You: maybe I wanna be hacked

Unknown: Is this flirting

You: maybe

You: r u really sexy

Unknown: Extremely

You: 😍 feeling bashful rn

You: why r u drinking monsters anyways

You: Wait am i actually messaging a 12 yr old

September 19th

4:03 am

Unknown: I’m not 12 years old

Unknown: I’m 24

Unknown: And i drink monsters for energy

Unknown: And because they r yummy

Unknown: And cheap

You: omfg you don’t need a separate text for every word

Unknown: Oh

Unknown: Didn’t think you’d be awake so late

You: well I wasn’t but SOMEONE is messaging me at 4am

You: also I’m 24 2

Unknown: Didn’t ask

You: kys

Unknown: Ok bye

You: pussy

You: why are u even awake so late

Unknown: I’m writing

You: omg 😳 are u an author

Unknown: Lol no

Unknown: I write music

You: OMG

You: even better

You: what do u play

Unknown: Bass

Unknown: And I sing kinda

You: kinda?

Unknown: I sing backup mainly

Unknown: Or lead if I’m feeling extra generous

You: generous?

Unknown: To please all my loving woman fans ofc 😫

You: EWW TF

You: DONT EVER USE EMOJIS AGAIN BRUH 😭

Unknown: 😭💔.

You: literally throwing up alllllxover my room

Unknown: Weirdo

Unknown: Go to sleep

You: don’t tell me what to do 🙄

Unknown: Okay don’t sleep

You: lowkey have to I have uni tomorrow

Unknown: Loser

You: shush

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

September 19th

8:47 am

You: FUCK YOU

September 19th

2:30 pm

Unknown: Meanie 😢

You: i overslept because of you

Unknown: Were you up all night thinking about me

You: i dont eben know ur name

Unknown: Dabi

You: oh ur sooooo emo and edgy

Dabi: Shut up

You: nobody... understands you😕⛓️🥀

Dabi: You gonna tell me ur name or what

You: Y/N

Dabi: Pretty name

You: dont stalk me plz

Dabi: No promises

————————————————————————

September 28th

10:02 pm

You: so if u dont go uni what do you do

Dabi: I told you i write music

Dabi: Am also in a band

You: wait are u like

You: successful

You: like do u make money from it

Dabi: Well yes

Dabi: Its my job

You: wait thats kinda cool

Dabi:  😎 

You: take it back so fast

You: do u stream ur music on like spotify

You: let me listen

You: whats ur band called

Dabi: No

You: mid name but i will look it up

Dabi: I dont wanna tell you

Dabi: Not right now at least

You: r u like super famous

You: am i messaging harry styles rn

Dabi: Im sorry i kept this from u for so long

You: is 1D cming back

You: plz

Dabi: Never

Dabi: Narry ruined us😔

You: HAHAH

You: HWO DO U KNOW WHAT TAHT IS

Dabi: I have a sister

Dabi: But seriously I'll tell you one day

You: how do ik ur not lying about ur music 🤔

Dabi: [image attachment]

September 28th

10:13pm

You: MINABHABHAE

You: LOOK

You: OMFG

You: [image attachment]

You: HIS HAND IS ALL TATTED UP AND SEXY

You: AND THAT BASS

You: just creamed my pants

Mina: GIRL

Mina: you dont even know what he looks like

Mina: he does have sexy hands tho

You: sexy hands = sexy face

You: its litch science

Mina: ur so whipped and its been a week

You: uhm

You: ten days actually

Mina: ur not right in the head

September 28th

10:22 pm

Dabi: Did my incredible bass shock u to silence

You: i literally collapsed when i saw it

You: i like the blue

You: also ur tattoos are cool

Dabi: Thanks babe

You: mhm

You: yh

You: did they hurt

You: when u got them done

Dabi: Nah they werent too bad

Dabi: Worst was probs the ones on my chest

You: r u like alll tatted up

Dabi: I am

Dabi: That okay?

You: mhm

You: very cool

You: i want a tatto but im lowkey scared like

You: what if it hurts

Dabi: Ill get one with you

Dabi: Ill talk you through it

Dabi: Distract you from the pain

You: mhm

You: yes

You: very good

You: my roomates calling me ttylxox

September 28th

10:30pm

You: [screenshot]

You: hes SOO FLIRTING RIGHT

Mina: oh babe this reads like a porno

You: DFHBAJHF

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

October 11th

8:37 pm

You: [link attachment]

You: listen to this song

You: LOV is the best band eva

Dabi: LOL

You: WHAT

You: its so good its my fav band

You: im seeing them next month

Dabi: Really

You: r u jelly

Dabi: Very

Dabi: If only i could be there

You: i think theres still tickets for sale if u acc wanna come

Dabi: You tryna see me in person?

You: mayhaps

You: ur just so mysterious

You: what if ur actually like a pedo

Dabi: The fuck

Dabi: I’m no pedo

You: okay cool

You: you can come to the concert then

Dabi: Seriously?

October 11th

8:47pm

You: MINA

You: PLEASE

You: [screenshot attachment]

You: SHALL I SAY YEA

Mina: UHM

Mina: YES

Mina: concerts are public so if he’s actually a creep you’ll be safe

You: OKAY

October 11th

8:50pm

You: okay omg

You: shall we actually do this

Dabi: Yeah

Dabi: You got another month to figure out if I’m a pedo

You: now I deffo think you’re one

—————————————————————————

October 17th

6:45 pm

Dabi: Does this sound good

Dabi: [audio message]

You: WOAH

You: that sounds really good

You: is that u talking at the end

Dabi: Yeah my roommate walked in

You: ur voice is so deep

Dabi: Sexy right

You: gosh so modest too

Dabi: I’m working on a new song but I can’t tell if I like that riff

You: u should like it

You: it’s very good

Dabi: Thanks babe

You: soooooo

You: can u show me ur band now 😁

Dabi: No 😁

You: 🤬

—————————————————————————

October 21st

8:33pm

You: what would u do if we meet irl and IM actually famous

You: like u pull up to the concert and I’m there but I’m actually like Jojo siwa or something

Dabi: I’d be a bit disappointed

You: u don’t fw jojo??

Dabi: No but she’s gay and I’d hope all my flirting was being put to good use here

You: hardee har

————————————————————————

October 25th

6:45pm

You: I’m supposed to be studying but

You: I can’t stop thinking if halloweeen😝

Dabi: You going trick or treating?

You: i wish

You: unfortunately too old for that now

Dabi: Loser

Dabi: My little brothers 11 so I get to do it with him

Dabi: But I gotta act cool like I don’t wanna do it

You: IM SO JELLY

You: can I borrow ur little brother on the 31st of October plz

Dabi: No weirdo

You: sigh

You: I’m going to a party at least

Dabi: Oh yeah

Dabi: What are u dressing up as

You: me and my friend are going as monster high girls 😁😁😁

You: shes draculaura and I’m clawdeen 😜

Dabi: Sick

Dabi: U have to show me when you do it

You: gosh ur so obsessed with me

You: but okay

—————————————————————————

October 28th

7:00pm

You: [image attachment]

You: the fit is ready

Dabi: Why aren’t u wearing it

You: im gonnna do the full reveal ON halloween

Dabi: Sigh fine

You: what are you wearing punk

Dabi: Punk 😭

You: LOL

Dabi: U can’t laugh

You: okay…

Dabi: You know that show curious George

You: HAHAHA

You: R U FONNA BE THE YELLOW HAT MAN

Dabi: You said u wouldn’t laugh 😔

You: NO ITS SO CUTE

Dabi: I got him a little monkey onesie

You: AWWW

You: THATS SO CUTE

October 28th

7:10 pm

You: [screenshot attachment]

You: when he’s a good older brother 😍😍❤️😝

Mina: okay bare minimum 😍😍😍

You: SHUT UP

—————————————————————————-

October 31st

6:00 pm

Dabi: [image attachment]

Dabi: Ur favourite childhood father figure

You: OMG

You: U GUYS LOOK SO GOOD

You: crazy how ur face is covered🙄

Dabi: You love the thrill of the mystery

Dabi: Let’s see ur costume

You: my party starts at like nine bruh 😭

You: im in bed watching movies

Dabi: Loser

Dabi: Imagine not trick or treating

You: u suck so much

Dabi: Ofc I do 😋

You: VOMIT 🤢

October 31st

6:07pm

You: [image attachment]

You: Mina.

You: look at his ARMS IN THAT SUIT

Mina: it’s bright yellow

You: HES CURIOUS GEORGE MAN

You: his little brothers the monkey

Mina: WAIT WHY IS THAT KINDA CUTE

You: IK

Mina: and he does look sexy in that button up

You: the tattoos🤤

Mina: love a man with a dark past 😍

You: god im so scared to see him

You: the concerts on the 10th

Mina: you’ll be okay babe Dw

October 31st

8:30pm

You: [image attachment]

You: it’s…. A full moon.. I feel myself… changing 🐺

Dabi: Woah

Dabi: You look hot

You: omg

You: thank u

Dabi: You’re pretty too

Dabi: R u wearing that to the concert

You: LOL NO

You: I haven’t decided yet

Dabi: U have to show me

Dabi: So I can find you

You: and how am I gonna find you

Dabi: You’ll find me

November 3rd

7:02pm

Dabi: [audio attachment]

Dabi: Listen please 😄

Dabi: What do you think

You: why r u acc good at this

You: I LOVE

You: yk it kinda sounds like LOV

You: I think you’ll like their music

Dabi: Girl I listen to them

You: GIRL???

You: sassy man apocalypse is alive and well

Dabi: Whos ur favourite band member

You: hmmmm

You: I like the drummer

You: himiko she’s so cute

You: but the bassist 🤤🤤🤤

You: Touya

You: need him in ways I can’t articulate over message 😳

You: uhm where did u go

You: did my thirsting freak u out

Dabi: No ur good

Dabi: I thought you’d like the guitarist

Dabi: Shiggy

Dabi: Every girl is obsessed with him

You: yeah but Touya is all emo kinda

You: I love it

November 8th

9:00pm

You: [image attachment]

You: fit check for the concert😜

Dabi: I love it

Dabi: Very Blue

Dabi: That’s my fav colour

You: that’s why I’m wearing it??

Dabi: Blushing rn 🤭

You: HAHA

November 10th

6:30 pm

You: On my way! now

You: tf

Dabi: Can’t wait to see you!

You: LOL SHUSH

You: im nervous

Dabi: Don’t be

Dabi: Im excited to see you

You: me too 😆

November 10th

6:50pm

Mina: be careful plz

Mina: there’s loads of people around but still

Mina: he could be a freak in disguise

You: I know babe Dw dw

You: I’ll keep u updated

Mina: good

Mina: r u gonna give him a biggggg fat smooch 🤤

You: SHUT UP

November 7th

7:00pm

You: are you here?

Dabi: Yeah

You: omg

You: im scared

Dabi: Lowkey same

Dabi: But im so manly and strong so im actually not scared

You: LOL

Dabi: Okay wait

Dabi: I need to tell you smth

You: is this u telling me the pedo allegations r true….

Dabi: Before we meet u need to know

You: yeah what’s up?

Dabi: Idk how to say this without u thinking I’m lying but

Dabi: I’m Touya

You: uh

You: what 😅

Dabi: I just didn’t wanna tell you because I thought you might like

Dabi: Idk people r so weird about it when they find out

Dabi: And I didn’t want you to just talk to me because of that

Dabi: Especially when I found out u listen to our music

Dabi: I’m sorry I never told u

Dabi: Y/N? You there?

You: yeah I just

You: slightly confused

You: idk how to tell if ur lying or not

Dabi: [image attachment]

Dabi: Theres the face reveal you’ve been after

You: what the sigma

You: okay

You: woah

You: so I’ve actually been dming a celebrity

Dabi: You prefer me or Harry styles

You: you deffo

You: but I think you knew that from my messages from before

Dabi: Yeah i remember

Dabi: Dw you can articulate all the ways you need me after the show

You: haahahahhahaha

You: 😁😁😁 okay

Dabi: I have smth for you though

You: you do?

Dabi: Yeah

Dabi: Go to the back door where that scary security guy is

Dabi: His name is Spinner

Dabi: Tell him Dabi sent you

You: OKAY

You: :((( THIS IS SO CUTE

Dabi: You like them?

You: I can’t believe u got me flowers 😢

You: thank you!!!

Dabi: That’s alright

Dabi: Okay I need to go warm up

Dabi: I’ll be looking for you in the crowd

You: I’ll be staring at you too

Dabi: I said looking

You: same diff

You: wait hold on

Touya: What?

You: nm nm

You: good luck for ur show 😆

Touya: Thanks babe

BONUS

November 7th

5:05pm

Touya: Toga

Touya: Toga

Touya: Toga

Touya: TOGAAAAA

Toga: WTF DO U WANT

Touya: If I was gonna get a girl flowers what should I get her

Toga: GASP GASP

Toga: WHO R U RIZZING UP

Touya: Literally fuck off never say that

Toga: is this that girl you’re always messaging

Toga: and smiling at ur phone 🥺🥺

Touya: Fuck off

Toga: IT ISSSSSS

Toga: IS SHE COMING TONIGHT

Touya: Yes

Toga: AHHSSHAHWHW

Toga: THIS IS SO EXCITING

Touya: I’m so happy ur having so so much fun

Toga: I so ammmmmm

Toga: but why don’t u ask her what she wants

Touya: It’s a surprise idiot

Toga: AWWWWWWWW

Toga: okay well if u wanna be so really romantic u could get her roses

Toga: or maybeee tulips or lillies

Toga: she’ll like whatevs u get her

Touya: Okay

Touya: Thanks

Toga: that’s okay lover boy 😍🥰

Touya: Kys

—————————————————————————-

THIS WAS SO FUN TO WRITE OH EM GEE but it lowkey took longer than I thought it would… but i hope u all enjoyed 😁😁

also y/ns messaging is literally just how I message.. I fear this is the most self indulgent fic I’ve ever written

[kusundei]

im frashing the fuck out i cant im loterally goojg to kms or somerhign. i dont even know WHY irs not eben like it was bad or anything it qas just so. so annoying and so . i dont know. it made me feel so bad and it just makes me keep thinking abt how im a junior. im not trying to speak shit ijto existence but over n over i keep thinkikg ahout how everyone says junior year sucks. ofc theres exceptions but goodness i did not realize how good i had it sophomore year? i had friends in beery class? they were all easy except ap sem and i was able to see ajax so much??? im trying to hard to figure sometbijg out and get my shit changed and at the very least. give me classes that i know people in. can i live not having lunch w ajax? sure. i skipped all the time ebfore but fuck. god god god i cant im going to crash OUT. why do i not know anyone and why do i hage no classes worh savannah??? why am i in ap lang and why am i in ap drawing??? why am i taking so many ap classes KNOWING IM TAKING ALGEBRA im actually goingt o kill myself its the first day and goodness i never have bad first days. never ever ever but holy shit. i can feel some sort of imminent doom and i iust feel awful in general i feel so sick. im crashing out its so bad i cpuldnt even be like silly with ajax i just feel like im goojg to get home and start sobbing and idk why. its okay though. itll work out. if its meant to be then itll be and im just being difficult or somethijg. im fine .

[charmedreincarnation]

https://www.tumblr.com/charmedreincarnation/716304528371236864/httpswwwtumblrcomcharmedreincarnation7161223?source=share

Hii its me

I copied my ask earlier. Although I am feeling slightly better and confident I would really do with your help 🥺

I so badly want to have my desires yet when it comes to doing the work I get lazy because I am scared the same thing is going to happen all over again. I will do great and then some negative thoughts that dont even make sense will ruin everything. I want to tap in the void state but I have ao many irrational fears piled up. As soon as I put my focus away from the void these fears make zero sense but as soon as I start to work in my void concept these fears become so real and annoying tht at this point am scared to even start working on my void concept because I only get false hope and exhaustion when I try to work towards my goals. I thought I will manifest my desires my jan but it passed then I thought it will be by feb but now even april is over. Its been four long years like this. I came to know about the void in dec 2022 and I thought I will tap in but I feel like the exception. My self concept is trash I go to work on it but fail miserably because every single thing tells me the opposite even if 3d is just a reflection its hard. I thought I will tap in the void and change my sc but even the void feels far far away. I wanted to get in the void in jan and I feel stuck. Everyone is making great progress but me. I will be 19 soon. I feel like a failure. I hate to live like this. Maya please guide me and help me please. I see so many people deciding that they will taap in tonight and they do or people simply affirming and getting in even some people with bad voidconcept. I really need help and guidance. My appearance, mental health , studies ,body, social life everything has degraded so badly I cant eben express the pain.

I understand that you are feeling frustrated and scared about your manifesting journey. Remember, Assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled and observe the route that your attention follows. This means that by focusing on the end result and experiencing the feeling of having already achieved it, you will naturally be guided towards your desired outcome.

Do not let fear and negative thoughts hold you back from your desires. "You are the operant power,babe, you have the power to change your reality through your thoughts and beliefs.

"Change your conception of yourself and you will automatically change the world in which you live." The key is to focus on the version of yourself that has already manifested your desires, and live as if that reality is already yours.Do not compare yourself to others or their progress. Your own wonderful human imagination is the actual creative power of God within you. Trust in your imagination and your ability to manifest your desires, regardless of what others may or may not be doing.

I promise, you are never too old or late to set another goal or to dream a new dream. Your age nor date does not define your ability to manifest your desires, and it's never too late to start working towards them.Be kind to yourself, practice self-love, and believe in yourself and your ability to manifest your desires. Assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled, and feel grateful for the desire already being fulfilled. Thank yourself for already granting your desire, and trust in the process.

As for your 3D I understand how hard it is. But again, "You are the operant power." No matter what your 3D reality may seem like, you have the power to change it through your thoughts and beliefs. Focus on your desires as if they have already been fulfilled, and live from that state of being.

As Edward Art said, "Great things never came from comfort zones." Push yourself out of your comfort zone and imagine the reality you truly desire, despite any limitations in your current 3D reality. Visualize your desires and hold onto the feeling as if they have already been fulfilled. "The more we practice, the easier it gets, and the more expansive our lives become."

As Edward Art also said, "Action is the physical manifestation of thought." Take inspired action towards your desires, no matter how small the steps may be. You can start with not being so harsh to yourself. Your imagination will reflect regardless but don’t be kind to person you are now just because you’ll love the person you’ll be in the future

You can Believe you can and you're halfway there already, so just accept it’s yours and that’s all. Believe in yourself, trust in yourself and ability, and let go of any limiting beliefs or doubts. You have the power to manifest your desires, no matter what your current 3D reality may look like I promise.

This is the last ask I’m answering until I return, but I really hope to see more success stories :)! We all deserve our dreams lives and ily all so much,including you anon 🫶

[hyunsvngs]

You should like totally do the pulling hyunjins pigtails while he eats you out 😻😻😻

GOD TBH I DONT EBEN KNOW HOW TO WORD IT……..

just having his pretty little face between your legs… maybe you both went to the sauna, and you saw his cute lil pigtails and immediately your mind went to the gutter. hyunjin saw you looking at them and he’s all flustered, wondering why you’re staring! he just has two lil pigtails in his hair!!! it’s no biggy!

except it is a fucking biggy. when you get back, you’re forcing hyunjin to his knees in front of you. he’s immediately raising an eyebrow, but who is he to ever refuse eating your pussy? he’s immediately yanking your trousers down, underwear going with it, and he’s inhaling the raw scent of you before he can even process what he’s doing. hyunjin eats pussy like it’s the best thing he’s ever tasted - literally ravenous.

and your hands go down to those two little pigtails when his tongue swirls around your clit extra good, and then hyunjin is pulling back, smiling. “that’s what it was!”

and you’re just like “hyunjin, please shut up and continue.” and then you can feel his smug lil smile pressing into your folds again. cutiepie

♡ juno

[ecliip]

deimos madnes omcbat my friend deimos madness comabt my guy mjy buddy ky pal deimos msdnes comabt. if you are onenof ,my friends or mutuals do not look under the read more im gonna embarrass myself online real wuick. tw: im insane and down bad

I WANT TO KIS . HIM. NEVER EBEN THIS DOWN BAD FOR A FICTIONAL CHARACTER BEFOR SND ITS THIS FUCKEN THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WONT HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE LOOKS LIKE A CHESS PIECE AND I WANT HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELPPPPPPPP. HLELLOPPPPPPP MEEEE

gusy you dont udnerstand you Dont Under Stand im going crazy. bananas. bonkers, even. goofy silly. wacky. off my rocker. i need to kiss him actually. deimos madness combat do you fw fat bitches :( do you fw fat bitches :( do you f

i need to be euthanized what the FUCK AM I ON ,. theres a clip from a krinkels stream (this one) where he basically says dr hofnarr would invent catgirls (just to pet them) and he said upon seein them deimos would say, quote unquote "oh man. imma put a collar on that" (already an insane sentence. thanks krinkels.) and my DUMBASS commented UNDER THE CLIP "now i just gotta find out how to become a catgirl" DIGITAL FOOTPRINT DUMBASSSSSSSSSSSSS WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! never gonna get a career at this rate. i feel like the fucking "STOP TALKING ABOTU AMONGUS" MEME GUY RIGHT NOW HOLY SHIT EXCEPT ITS DEIMOS MADNES COMBAT AND IM AIMING THE YELIMG AT MYSELF. SOMEONE PUT ME DOWNNNNNNN

hi guys. hi dop i know you clicked on read more out of curiousity. i warned . you. please dont leave me i promise i promisw these words were written by the parasites the parasites want the deimos not me i got possessed i rpomise im normla i promise i promisw i promise i promise i

[basofy]

ON UR LATEST POST I HATED THAT ENDING SO MUCH LOL they were both so out of character?? i do like the idea of buddy verbally breaking buzzo down but idk they did it so badly it didnt feel like the two of them at all especially him being all GRR YOU BITCH like eben if thats just the joy getting to him IDK it just. felt so :/ to me SORRY FOR THE LONG ASK

oh hi lolll dw about the ask i like getting asks(as long as i can think of a reply)

yeah much like with other stuff in the definitive i liked some of the concepts in the dialogue/ending but not the execution, as some people have already said it the stuff buddy tells buzzo feels more like the game is trying to make up for the fans's mistakes when misinterpreting lisa instead of trying to work through the mistakes it had made with the characters in the past, much like buddy's words about brad later on don't feel like it's her talking but it's instead austin talking agshgahgf i think all this happens because joyful continues failing to fully put itself on buddy's shoes so she becomes hard to write she barely even has a personality and it's sad, i did like some of the new stuff but the way it was set up and concluded is kinda goofy

i was surprised to see that the definitive edition managed to expand lisa's character nicely (save for that one implication buzzo made about hearing her voice and blah blah) but it didn't do the same for buddy as much as it tried. i think the stuff buddy says is especially weird because it all feels like conclusions we didn't see her reaching we didnt get to see the process and some of the stuff feels unfair to her as well, and making buzzo lame feels like a desperate attempt to get people to understand this guy isnt good he's just saying shit!!!! and it's funny some fans still dont get it lmao, i feel like it tried so much to make buzzo look bad and it didn't do it in the way it could've done it?? buddy could've had beef with him about how much he mistreated her, they dont even talk about the nipple thing even though it was aknowledged in the dream segment, also i would've preffered if buddy learned about lisa through buzzo instead of through weird ghost stuff but i'm wondering if she really knows at all?? i admit i cant be too mad cuz i understand that making joyful better would require rewriting soooo much stuff which was maybe not possible i dunno

i think austin understood that lisa needed more told about her as a human being rather than a haunting memory and that was rly nice to see yet it failed to understand that buddy's issues is that the story doesnt feel like it's about her that much, it tries to solve so much stuff for everyone that buddy is left with so little

[smrtelnaaleziva]

mood: rant; trigger warning: casual mention of suicide, psychosis, genral ableism

my favourite (/s) thing about being mentally ill (besides all the other stuff) is the inability to communicate with people who don't experience my issues. i am not even talking about neurotypicals, i am including in this statement some neurodivergent people as well. actually let me rant for a moment about neurodivergent people further stigmatising mental conditions using their experiences...

how do i explain to someone what i am experiencing when they dismiss it with "well i experience similar thing so i totally get what you are talking about and i am going to make assumptions based on my experiences?". dude it isn't the same. feeling hopelessness during depressive episode isn't the same as end of the world delusions i had during psychosis. being adhd daydreamer isn't the same as when i tried to kill myself bc i thought i was communicating with faeries and they invited me to live with them in their world which i couldn't do bc i was still alive. like people actually tried to compare these in my face and they aren't the same; i should know, i daydream a lot, have adhd and have experienced the doom spirals during depressive episodes before. it just isn't the same. so why do people insist on comparing it? how am i to explain to them it isn't the same when they already arrived to their conclusions about my situations.

i don't need someone to give me advice on a situation that isn't happening. i need people to listen to what i am actually saying. to actually try and understand my experience. i know that it is hard, that it isn't easy to let go of a way you viewed the world and mentally ill people your whole life bc society told you we were this way. when sometimes even psychiatrists feed these misconceptions. but please... just listen to me. to us. when we tell you what is going on.

do you like it when people tell you to cure your depression with yoga like you didn't already try everything you could to put an end to it? then please shut up when i am trying to explain to you what is going on in my head. don't use ableistic language like delulu or call bigots delusional when i (and for the matter the schizospec community as whole) ask you not to. this isn't a joke to me and it doesn't make me a hateful person. i am hurting. a lot. psychosis is painful both mentally and physically. all i am asking for is some empathy please...

thank you to everyone who isn't like that. i love you guys.

(yes someone pissed me off and became inspiration for this post, how could you tell? and this was very much "neurodivergent folks can be ableist too" post but dont eben let me start on the neurotypical family members that tell me to quit my meds bc they don't like the side effects i am experiencing. i am currently symptomatic bc i have to fight myself to take my antipsychotics and sometimes i don't win that fight... just bc people ((mostly neurotypicals again)) were telling me my meds are poison and that my mental illness is a gift really got to me recently)

[feral-teeth]

Hey youre not being watched, youre not being surveyed always, there is nothing watching you. I say that from the bottom of my heart, and i hipe this helps even just a little bit. No one cares, in the nicest of ways, that you flapped your heand when you got too excited about soemthing, people love to see you happy and in joh, no one cared when you posted that fic and there was a spelling error, people loved it and read it in their bus or on the train or on the bus to work and it made their day, they got lost in your words amd they fell in kove with the stories you make. They love your writing, and they csnt wait for you to post more when you can. And if you cant, they will enjoy what you have already blasted off into the universe, into their hands for them to hold and care for and cherish. Your art and your writing and your music is cherished, even if it has fallen on deaf ears or someone criticized it. Its just between you and god, you and the man who is always watching but with love. And jesus is there too i guess hi buddy lol

But you need to remember to keep creating, and resting too goddammit whenever you can because a burnt out artist feels like the end of the world i would kmow because i wrote all of this in a tangent while sitting on my toilet on my mini ipad for you to read, it may just be for me but i hipe upi touched someine today, eben if it was hust me, i love uou.

Let me say it again, if no one loves uou, i love you. Even the hyperthettical me that you see in uour dreams, that you imagine sitting beside you as you read this, but im here with you. ALways. If no one is in your heart than i am, i am the kind words that enter your mind when you think an animal is cute or you think you look hot or sexy in your new outfit or naked or just in your underwear, i love it, i think uou look hot and sexy and beautiful no matter how old you are, because i will always love you. Even on your worst days when youre mean and your zoned out and you hate your sistser or your brother or your paretns or your dad or mom or uncle died and you dont know what to do with all of the grief, i will be sitting beside you holding your hand through it.

I made myself cry with my own words, because this is what i always needed to hear. I needed to hear this. I am the kind voice in my own head and heart and i miss her so much it hurts so much and im sorry.

[zephyrusz]

i love harper veyr much such a cute little guy

are they essentially the same person throughout all of your AUs of them? like do they have any defining traits between like, youre genshin version or your identity v version? im very curious :)

oh my goshness than ku for tne ask anon!!

ive actually been very compelled to talk about this for a while, it might be a little long so ill break the page !! below will be some defining features of each version of harper :3

okie doke! harper is different in each of my versions. they share the same name and general information, as well as similar personalities, but it can vary throughout the universe they are in.

lets start with the most common on my blog, and my favorite :)

identity v !!

- seventeen years old

- born in 1881, i hc idv to be set in 1898 ( i did go on the wiki timeline to find this information... )

- they tend to be more shy and reserved, very limited to actual human interaction

- very poor at communication, often freezes up when put on the spot

- although they still work as a bard, playing songs for their town back home

- in the manor, they sometimes perform for the rest of the survivors

- they took a strong liking to andrew, tried to compliment him, proceeded to stutter their words and scurry off

- not a good look for them

- andrew took it as fear, and reserved himself further from them, very very much to harpers dismay (it only took emilys scolding to get him to realize they didnt mean harm)

- have been an unusual friendship since! theyre both shy and quiet, but andrew has a soft side that he can freely express around harper, and they feel as if they can trust him with their feelings :3 the best little/big sibling duo in the manor!

- they feel very drawn to tracy and emily, the two both very protecting of them (a bit babying, but theyll let it slide) they just enjoy their company, and often help out emily around the infirmary when survivors need any assistance.

genshin impact !!

- sixteen years old

- dont have an exact birth year ? idk what year genshin is man...

- dendro vision, living in mondstadt :)

- wields a bow, the only thing they can handle without dropping on their foot (a catalyst is far too confusing for them)

- again, a bard !! took inspiration from venti, and the two became close friends!

- still a bit reserved, but more adventurous and eager to go out and explore!!

- honorary member of bennys adventure team (i lvoe bennett... i couldnt help myslwf)

- them and razor chill out together and eat berries they find in the woods. eat berry. they love razor because they dont actually need to talk around him, the two love just sitting in silence for a while.

- is very suspicious of venti, is not stupid enough to believe that the statue of their god is NOT their best friend and the same guy who knows a bit too much about ancient history..

- i need to give them some credit, they arent stupid. just quick to act on impulse.

my dnd campaign!!

- fifteen years old

- is actually the earliest version of harper that was made, the origin!!!

- i had my first ever campaign with my friends who also didnt know how to play dnd, so we just goofed off for the most part

- i literally gave up every other skill they couldve had and negotiated with my dm to see if they could be able to magically play any instrument they found perfectly

- it worked, they can now play any instrument they want but at what cost.. they will crumble if they get slightly brushed over by the wind

- yeah so they ended up being very weak but its really no big deal

- they were on the verge of death twice, they had to sacrifice their pan flute in order to survive ( i think my dm hated them )

- sentient tree: 3, harper: 0

- they arent doing too good back there... anywya

warrior cats!! kitty time

- they are a cat dont eben hate right now

- ruffleberry!! dont ask abt the name origin i thought it sounded cute, how do cats know what a ruffle is?? idk you tell me

- medicine cat, ass cheeks at fighting so its a win in their book

- not too much about this i just wanted to draw them as a cat :3 meows meoww

so thats pretty much my main/favorite universes i feel like talking about right now, if anyone has any requests or questions about silly harper antics in any version feel free to ask i love talking about them i love my little baba :3

[abrd]

i miss being 11 in 2015 augh ive changed so muchh since then

i think once i got my 1st boyfriend.& i experienced my 1st breakup is when the anguish started i should NOT have had a partner that early but i loved him so i dont blame myself. and also i hate saying anguish cause i experienced depression before breaking up with him. i think my 1st year of depression was when i met him , but it wasnt because of him, but it just so happened to start when i met him online. but experiencing a break up at that age permanently affected me i feel like and the memories are not pleasant

im truing to think in astrological terms, i want to look up the solar return chart for 2015 and see what was happening. wish i could do a synastry chart for me and him in that year as well but im not that smart

i have a feeling there are probably significant ties with scorpio since a lot of what i was learning is how to deal with change and the discomfort with change. i dont know what houses would be majorly involved. i am thinking 7th, 8th or 12th houses. but i dont know those are rly unconfident guesses. but i know for sure scorpio has a lot to do with it. specifically, probably in 2016 since thats the year we broke up

its funny my sun is in their 1st house and so that encapsulates our entire relationship since the sun is the most 'major' planet. and i think it makes sense i felt like i was meeting myself when i met him

but there was so much jealousy & discomfort over not having agency over him which is horrible but i was 12 im not blaming myself eben though it was hard fir him. like really hard but it ws hard for me as well bc i didn't understand what was happening, i was just acting as i felt which were really intense, destructive feelings but since it was my 1st relationship i didnt know it was innapropriate

[iwillbe-good-thistime1]

what have been happening to me: i just want to be heard.

oh boy i dont know where to start. idk if any souls would even read this whole thing coz i just know it gonna be long.

So woahhaha! i got friends!! its awsome. yall know how much i needed this. from my old tumblr to this one people get it. I AM A LOSER!

paranoia.. PARANOIA!!!! oh man.. this is exhausting(sorry about my spelling im actually dyslexic/s/s/s)

Okay im gonna be serious now. and again im bad at spelling and im writing this on my laptop coz its faster.

One afternoon in school i mentioned to my group of friend how i still have money left from a giftcard i got for my birthday and i will probably have to go to Oslo to get some stuff before it expires next month. one of my friend.. Draculaura..! she offered to come with me in saturday.... blah blah. i went home crying and my mom in the kitchen cooking a snak at 6pm, she probably had it good but i had to drag my heavy burden and dump it to her which became into n arguement. i cried on how Draculaura probably will hate me or something. i feared of losing friends. i cant go back to my old loser self. in my old school i spent the who years being bullied and not talking to anyone and in this school i tried so hard on being known and i have bunch of friends and alot of people wanna be my friend coz im just that awsome! even a guy liked me and asked me out but no i went out with that non binary athiest lesbian draculaura. i fearded i opened my mouth too much eben though she herself said im too quiet and i barely told her anything while she told everything. im not used to a normal friendship im used to my old one where we complain about out hardships and shitty family while she didnt have that and i just did not know what to say but i opened up about some coz she keeps asking and i felt ill idid not want people to know me for my problems and i just wanted to die but then my mom said to be friends with someoe they ask qustions about you because that is how frienship works and i just no feel relief that its a normal thing to tell some abt your life sinc she told me so much about hers like omg she even showed pictures. though at the end of the train ride i just have this guilt of her spending time w me and i hate the thought of her not having fun so i said the truth: i have a stutter and i couldnt talk so much coz people get anoyed by it( which is true )

she said" how stupid ppl was to hate it" or something like that.

i need to be her friend. i want to go to parties with her.