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#i dont care if its good at this point but i may as well post it
lupismaris · 20 days
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#nothing makes me truly reaffirm my commitment to being poly like the day after a rugby match#i love my bf. i love them wholly and truly for who they are. i dont want them to change outside of healing. y'know that being the best you.#but i dont want them to be someone else. so the fact theyre not a coddling caregiver isnt something I'm ever going to change in them.#they bring me coffee and check in on me and set reminders for my meds and tell me when they have to leave for errands with mum#but they always have to see to other responsibilities because they are that person.#and I love them for that. i love them for being a dutiful son and a pragmatic foreman who prepares for the week.#what does this have to do with polyam james you may ask? well ill tell you-#im learning as i have been for a while now#that as i am a chief caregiver for many ppl in my life including bf and now the ruggers (im a board member)#i deeply deeply DEEPLY want/need care when im in crisis or at a low point and theres no low point quite like post match#when your systems are coming down from adrenaline and everything fuckin hurts like hell and whats worse you're injured#im not good at being taken care of i acknowledge that. but to be coddled and handled with care rn?#have someone to sit with me and make me food and eat with me and help me stay tethered and hold me a bit and smoke with me#idk not even in a sex sense just to be held and cared for#thats why poly am is a thing for me. i love my partners and I dont want to change them i dont want to force all this on them#certain needs can be met by certain ppl in certain ways etc but love is love it is always love its just shown differently#as i was writing this bf called to say he was bringing home nonalc beer for me. i know he loves me. i know he cares. it's just different.#tbd im so very tired and achy and weepy today dont mind me#the match was great for the squad but im not thrilled with myself#hence wanting to curl up in a hole and not come out
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So after about 8 months, a major break up, having a bit of a legit breakdown, moving twice and buying a whole house, I've finally nearly finished my Hookhausen fic... Just one last bit to write and then need to edit. But question for fiction writers if I have any who follow me, and for readers I guess- it's somehow now about 10000 words (it started as a 1000 word idea 🤦‍♀️) so should I post it as chapters or all as one!?
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fatickono · 3 months
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me when i try and ignore a hyperfixation i’ve had for 2.5 years … and it doesnt work!!!!! who could’ve expected that ………….
#dies. also VENTING AHEAD sorry i ended up venting in tags. SO YEA VENTING TW BE WARNED!!!#yk what i’ll say it. its the#fucking d s m p#im spelling it that way so hopefully this wont show up in the tag. if it does sorry to ppl who got here from it#but.#i WANT to be over it i want to not like it anhmore#bc it does not help my moral ocd one fucking bit#why does it not help my moral ocd u may ask?#bc it is very controversial and has many ppl in it that are legitimately bad ppl and *points at ppl saying if u like d s m p youre a bad pe#and like . That doesnt help my moral ocd (which is obsessed with being a good person at all times and if im not then i am evil)#my hyperfixations are part of me and i cant just rip them out#its lik a tree grew its way in me and now if you rip it out i die#weird analogy but i dont really care#if one of my followers decides to unfollow me bc of liking d s m p. i understand#and f jfjemenfm why couldnt my brain latch onto like .#her mit craft#or somethjng#????#i wouldnt feel guilty ofer liking that#well . maybe i would but probably less idk#and i feel guilty interacting with any fan content of the d s m p#even just liking a post related to it makes me feel bad#and like ejrkfjfj this#i just wish i didnt like itever in the first place#idek how i got into it#but i did#aughcjekdjd#sorry for venting but . yea. i didnt intend for it to be one but apparently my brain wanted that. so#also dont expect me to go posting d s m p content after this cus.. im not#i purposefky never talk about it because if i do the demons (my ocd) will end me for it☺️☺️☺️☺️
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lilacstro · 3 months
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astro observation part 9
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well, lets go, I dont have much to rant about lmaoo, i hope you all are doing good tho!! also I love when some of you comment/reblog my posts with your comments, I LOVE LOVE IT HAHAHA
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i would love to hear your thoughts/suggestions about my blogs, astrology and paid readings if you have any, send them on in asks :)
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1.I read a chart for a girl here on tumblr, and she had pluto, moon and venus, ALL in first house, a literal beauty attack, but apart from this, either of these planets in first house gives you so much beauty and appeal.
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2.Wherever Neptune is in your birthchart can mean multiple different things. It can mean in what matters of life you look with delusion and think with haze and might think in feels, with unconditional love (neptune is higher octave of venus). Example, Neptune in 4th house, You can be absolutely be in illusion with your family life, over prioritizing it, making decisions around it with lots of emotions and love care. Can make another post on this one maybe. Neptune in 2nd house might not think clearly about spending money, or may lend money to people easily at time, or to the ones they love.
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3. Often seen people with mars in extroverted houses often dont mind lashing out in public or calling someone out on the face, no matter what kind of introversion other aspects suggest in their chart. They are likely to stand up for themselves and/or others. Gives me the vibes "speak the truth even if your voice shakes"
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4.People with Neptune in 2nd house could be really good fictional writers, or writers in general, a very good talent comes in poetry and fiction.
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5. Neptune/Moon in 4th house makes a very devoted mother. Mother is likely to be spiritual, and unconditionally loving with Neptune, and very motherly and warm and understanding with Moon.
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6. I have often seen, people with mercury-neptune/venus aspects have a potential to sing. In hard aspects, this can usually mean this potential is untapped and exists and needs to be channelized and worked upon.
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7. Your Moon sign can show how you see your mother. With Moon in Leo, your mom could be protective over you, give you tough love but you must feel safe with her in all aspects, share your thoughts and feelings and even at some point, seek her validation. Moon in Libra could be that you feel a little unfair with your mother at times, though it can also mean the love you gave felt reciprocated, sometimes you couldve felt superficial about your relationship but it must look good on papers to others. Moon in Gemini, could be either its very good when good and very bad when bad, like two extremes.
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8. Chiron aspecting MC can mean that often others see you as someone who has been through something in the past/ or when you are going through something, people might be able to see it. Not exactly the contents of it, but just an idea and feeling.
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9.Check your Saturn to see where you will experience nudges and "tough love" with life until you learn your lesson. For example: Saturn in 8th? Lessons around coming out of the shell, and learning how to trust/who to trust and building close connections.
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10. Indicators of doing well in academia/ as a professor: Sag stellium, Sag rising, Sag/Jupiter in 9th, PoF in 9th, Academia(829) in 9th/10th, Saturn/Jupiter in 10th, Sag/Capricorn MC
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11. Your second house ruler can show how you like to keep your money/spend it. People with 2nd house ruler in 8th might like to keep their money at hidden places and/or spend it on astrologers, spiritual stuff or save it for hard times etc. In 1st house it can show someone who isn't afraid to show their money, and may spend on themselves, like skincare, things for their liking while in 11th house it can show someone is very generous with their money and might like spending it on their friends.
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12. IC in Aries/Scorpio could mean you saw some kind of violence with your mother or childhood growing up. It could also mean your childhood made you competitive in some ways, or it was complicated, and something that has indeed transformed you. It could also be you can very much carry resentment for your childhood even afterwards.
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13. very random but, sabrina carpenter's lyrics give me such STRONG leo vibes lmao "don't you stand there staring honey, try to move your feet, if you think they're looking at you, they're looking at me" lmaaoo
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14. People with Uranus retrograde in their charts, would often find themselves thinking differently, wanting different things than their family or most, and if they ever stop/try to fit in the normal despite this life would usually steer them into some direction that will force them to this.
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15. People with Pluto in second house often have sexy eyes or their eyes may look intoxicated lmao. They may often use eyes to express themselves/having expressive eyes or use their eyes a lot when they are mad/wanna assert power in situations. My mom has this placement, and one of my friends too and its true for both of them lmao.
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support me on ko-fi :)
paid readings are open <3
i love youu xoxo
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Hello! Recently I've been reading your works (usually twst, disney and sometimes oc) and im really interested.
I would like to request yandere cinderella x reader please if thats okay!
Im not sure if there is any request rules i should follow since i cant really find any or if its open so sorry if i broke any of them! Btw no need to answer this if you aren't interested or dont have the energy, im just curious in how you would write them since they are very unique and nicely written. Remember please take care of yourself and take rest when you need to!! (since you literally post almost everyday)
I try I do post everday, though I'm surprised anyone noticed 🖤🖤🖤
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Yandere Genderbend Cinderella x Reader
To say you didn’t like you’re step-brother would be an understatement. 
You hated him. 
Him and all that he stood for.
It was disgusting, how wicked Ellwick was to you and your family. Not wicked in the way that he looked down on you; more so in the way that his existence was an obstacle to yours. Currently he made it his mission to insert himself where he never belonged, constantly upending your rightful place. You remembered the time before the single father and son duo shoved their way into your family’s lives. It was peaceful, well as peaceful as life with your family could be. Guns, knifes, drugs, cement shoes–the life that meant serving your family and running the city from behind the scenes. Your mother, your brother, and the many associates that joined your family. 
What can you say? Blood is binding especially when spilt.
Cinder Ellwick and his father came into your home under the silly notion of ‘healthy’ love. As if fighting alongside one another wasn’t love, these men marched into your lives expecting to ‘fix’ your already perfect family. 
Your brother and the many others could spot the foolishness in their morale, unfortunately your mother could not. Which devastated her the moment her new husband got his rightful comeuppance. 
“He shouldn’t have joined the game, if he didn’t know how to play.” 
Your brother scoffed under his breath during your mother’s mournful eulogy. You couldn’t help but agree. Only irritating you more when your mother dressed in black brought the blonde-headed boy to you two saying something along the lines of him being a permanent burden on your family.
“It’s what he would’ve wanted.”
So what? It was his fault for getting involved! His fault for getting kidnapped! His fault for refusing to arm himself, when you warned him! So why did you, your family, have to live with the nuisance?
“I’m going to try my best, to be apart of this family. Properly this time.”
“That’s good to hear, Ellwick.”
Not long after that he took up the role as you’re family’s cleanup crew, eliminating those your family marked. Unpaid debts and traitors were his targets, the scum of your faction–perfect level for Ellwick to begin truly becoming apart of this family. You’d think that’d be enough for him to feel included. But that’s just like him to be so greedy.
“May I come with you on that mission?”
Ellwick asked, still panting from running down the halls from Mother’s office trying to catch up to you and your brother. You both were prepared, dressed to the nines in comparison to him who was in a dirtied leather suit. It'd be a burden and embarrassment for him to come.
Your brother laughed, ” No chance! Look at you covered in cinders again! What’d you do, wrestle your target in a fire pit?”
Ellwick awkwardly smiled as your brother held his stomach. Laughter rising and eyes widening as if he had an epiphany. He points at the blonde, who barely winces at the pressure.
“Kind of like–Cinderwick! Haha!” 
You rolled your eyes as he repeated the name inbetween his belly laughs. Ellwick’s smile was twitching on the otherhand turning his attention to you. Glaring at him you ushered your brother away, barely turning your head to the crushed boy.
“You can’t. We won’t be letting an outsider handle things as private as this.”
Many of your interactions would go like this. Cinderwick inserting himself in your personal business and you putting him in his place, your latest mission was no different. Only that you were older and more responsibility will have fallen to you. You had to step up more than ever.
“Alright my children as we discussed you will be infiltrating the gathering. Your target is the first son of the Mayor. Blackmail, romance him, kiss up, we need a foothold on the city. I can only trust my children.”
“Than why is he here?” 
You shifted your eyes to the blond hitman who was standing barely a foot you and your brother. Your mother sighed.
“We need all hands on deck. Our competitors are in attendance as well. I wouldn’t be surprised if they try anything and I just can’t have my babies be put in danger.”
She held both you and your brother’s cheeks pinching it a little. Leaning into her touch you happily smiled at her over-endearment. Whereas your brother recoiled and wriggled away nursing his cheek.
“Aw geez Ma will you stop.”
“Now my children.” She looked to Ellwick.”All my children. I wish you the best.” 
______________________________________________________________
It was almost commendable, how fast Cinderwick managed to do it. Wooing the son of the mayor and leading him on a wild goose chase that ultimately led to a grand proposal. To which he accepted. 
There was a nervousness about him being the victor; a sudden power handed to someone who wasn’t apart of the family. He was in a position of power, a position that allowed him to string your family along. 
“Congratulations my son! We’re happy you’ve found love in such a place!” 
Sugarcoated words and fake pearly smiles were the next step in the mission. Officially tying the mayor to your family…all with a man who wasn’t apart of the family. 
“Oh thank you step-mother! I can’t wait to have you and the family at our wedding.”
Your mother’s eye twitched at the ‘step’ but she maintained her smile letting Cinderwick cuddle into his fiance’s arm as they continued to chatter. It was revolting that it was he who returned to the estate with a cocky smile and a ring on his finger.
“Well you told all your children to do your best and they tried. So I will take the mantle up…as long as you agree to my terms.”
The following sentence had your mother sending you and your brother out of the room–treatment originally reserved for an outsider like him. Your brother stomped away dropping his emotionless persona, you followed.
“ARGH! How the heck did that slimy cinderblock idiot get ahead of us!? This is ridiculous!”
“...We tried…Arthur don’t do what I think you’re going to do.”
He turned to you the fire in his eyes directed to you.
“Tried?! We should’ve easily bested that bag of soot!” 
Turning back around he made his way to his office slamming his mini fridge open to reveal a plethora of beers and cheap wine bottles. You thought you threw those out. You debated staying as he quickly began to chug the drinks haphazardly dropping the finished cans to the ground. 
“Arthur. Don’t drink anything else.”
“Why!? Why wasn’t it me or you even!?”
“Well for one, typical romance isn’t exactly our field of expertise. I don’t know what you exp–”
You were cutoff by the ceramic smashing near the wall behind your head. Barely missing you it was lucky all you got was a cut from the ricochet glass shatter. It didn’t bother you, it seemed shallow, so you pressed further entering the room more. Closing and locking the door behind you as you closed in on your brother aiming to simply hug him. 
It didn’t stop his drinking bout but it did bring him to a wobbly pause. Letting you slowly walk him away from the desk the alcohol sat. As if he was being taunted once he got barely three steps away he wrenched himself from your grip darting towards the alcohol. In his raw distracted strength he barely pushed you back into the decorative cabinet. 
You would have repeated your attempt if it weren’t for the sudden grip of Ellwick’s leather glove on your wrist. Naturally you pulled yourself away or tried to. Struggling against his bone breaking hold, you ultimately relented as Arthur began to shove off the contents on his desk. Ellwick easily shoved you out of the room, successfully doing so. With that same force he pushes you against the wall, trapping you against it with his narrowed irises and presence alone.
“What are you doing?!”
“Its none of your business.”
“It is every bit my business! Why would you go anywhere near him when he’s in a drunken rage?”
“Because he’s family!” Your voice cracked with emotion, daring to look up at his softened blue eyes. With faux cough, you fixed yourself staring head on to the blonde before slipping past him.
“I don’t expect you to understand that though.”
Speed-walking out of the hall, your only goal was to return to your room hoping to finally relieve the burning sensation in your eyes. Ellwick on the other hand watched you walk away more specifically the cut that had let blood of yours trickle down. 
In a fury like none other Ellwick made his way to the closed door. It was time to end this. 
For good.
_____________________________________________________________
“My son. I want you to know I will always love your mother and I’ll never stop loving her.”
“Right.”
“But I’ve found someone who makes me happy! Someone who will cherish me and you!”
“Okay.”
“The thing is…she has a very different line of work.”
Ellwick wasn’t sold. Even as young as he was there wasn’t an inherent attraction to the mafia-life. When he had the chance to he’d read a torrent of love-stories and twisted family relations all with mafia environments. It usually ended in death, somehow bringing a foreboding cloud over this new developement. 
*Click*
“Whoa whoa little one I get that I’m not a replacement for any–”
“My gun. Take it.”
“E-excuse me?”
Ellwick didn’t really register you before this. Eyes widening as someone as tiny as you easily cocked and flipped the butt of a gun in the direction of his father. Wielding the weapon he’d only seen on those forbidden adult movies with such ease. A silent urgency on your part, you were offering your gun with a custom handle of your favorite color. 
It was an uncharacteristic show of kindness. 
The first he’d seen in a while. 
Since the announcement of your parent’s engagement there was a tension birthed among your closest members and your family. It was a clear sentiment that they dared not express with Ellwick in the room or their boss for that matter.
‘You’re going to be a target. You’re going to die.’
Everyone wanted to say it. Hint at it. But the air was too thick and they were too scared to break the silence. 
But not you.
You were the only one to tell it to him straight. Other than Ellwick himself. Of course the old geezer didn’t listen, avidly refusing to take your weapon and then attempting to get the weapon back from you.  
It made you his favorite.
To think underneath such a cold exterior there was something soft–small but soft. Its what Ellwick told himself when you’d glare and insult him. He’s never found himself doing the same for your mother and brother. Only finding it in him to imagine their tortuous ends at his hands, he could never do that with you. Even when he began to do his work, he’d be all the more motivated when imagining two-thirds of his step-family.
Step-family. He didn’t like that title.
He hated associating you with that.
He liked you a lot more than that of a step-family.
He could handle the exclusion, the insults, the glares, all of it but he couldn’t have you being in the arms of someone else. So he pulled something he’d thought he buried long ago, charming the mayor’s son. 
Having an influential leader’s heir willing to bend to his every whim and need made him powerful. 
A threat. 
So when your mother came to him practically begging for his forgiveness, Ellwick knew this was his chance to set everything in motion. So when you and your brother angrily departed he was prepared.
“The bit of your faction, handselected at my beck and call.”
“Done. You inform us of the policies and actions of the mayor?”
“Policies and upcoming legislation only. I’m not stalking my in-law.’
“Fine.“
“We meet once a month, I’ll come to you.”
“We can do that. Be willing to let your siblings visit you in-home during ermengenies?”
“Yes…I want (Y/n).”
“Excuse me?”
“I want (Y/n).
“You can’t be serious—”
“I am. I want full ownership of (Y/n) their activities, everything. Otherwise I’ll be inclined to fully inform the mayor and police department of what your true business entails.”
“I can’t possibly give you my child! Who do you think I am?!”
Ellwick made a face. Naturally and quickly pulling a gun out of his suit, earning a horrified reaction from his stepmother who was staring at the barrel. It’s not that Ellwick was unaware of the metal detectors and constant pat downs but when you’re a trained assassin this is light work.
“The same idiot, who thought’d I’d always be cleaning your messes. The same idiot who’s been ostracizing me and still put a gun in my hand.” 
He moved closer but not close enough for his step-mother’s garrote-technique to be effective. He was almost inclined to reveal his companions ‘guarding her door or the poisoned dart in his cuff link. But he decided it wouldn’t be needed…not today at least.
“The same idiot who’s blind to the abusive alcholic she raised. That is more than likely hurting (Y/n) right now.”
“What’re you–”
“That’s what your first-husband was like, right? An alchoholic who ran the mafia with an iron fist.”
“Enough!...Fine. You can take them with you after your honeymoon.”
“Before.”
“Why would you–” 
“Be-fore.”
“....It will be…done.”
When she finished, Ellwick had full intentions to find you. No doubt cooking up a barrage of insults to cutely angrily whisper behind you’re door. But before he could make it to your room, he heard the sound of glass shattering and muffled yelling.
He could only see red. Red as the cut that was bleeding on your skin. 
Seems like his role as the family’s ‘cleanup crew’ would come in handy.
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whereisten · 11 months
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To Be Forgiven
FT: Suguru Getou & Nanami Kento
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Pairing: Suguru Getou x Nanami Kento x reader Genre/Themes: sMUT! Convent (nuns and priests), angst Warnings: Threesome - F/M/M, vampire priests, loss of virginity, praise kink, light BDSM (rope use, spanking) overstimulation, multiple orgasms, oral sex (m and f receiving), rough sex, blood mention, gaslighting, devotion, voyeurism, degradation, dumbification, creampie, character death, vampire priests Word Count: 8.8k
A/N: WELL... this is probably the dirtiest thing i've ever written, and I know its not kpop or nct based so im sorry for that. It was HEAVILY inspired by these two posts: https://x.com/polariae/status/1722684591079673876?s=20 https://x.com/kimmy_art0912/status/1721731893622714594?s=20 (so please take a look to get a good image in your mind before you start reading hehe the artists are amazing) Also, this in no way is meant to offend Christianity or the world of Catholics, the theme is only used for fantasy. Sorry if it's a little messy, i just had to get it out of my system. Dont forget to leave a comment if you like it! Thank youuuu xoxo
Freedom felt good. That’s what you thought to yourself the moment you stepped off the bus and onto the new convent you’d be living the rest of your life in. You’d finished college, graduating as you set out to do and now came the next step: devoting your life to Christ. 
Your parents didn’t understand your desire to live this way, but they supported you nonetheless. With tearful eyes, they bid you farewell and swore to stay strong until the next time they’d see you.
You drag your luggage to your room and sit down on your bed, inhaling and exhaling the fresh air slowly. 
“Hi! You’re new here!” A woman dressed in her holy tunic stands in the middle of your open doorway, her hands placed in front of her as she smiles.
You smile back. “Oh..yes! I just got here actually.”
“That’s wonderful, welcome to our home, my name is Khadija and I hope I can help you at some point, my room is a few doors down if you ever need anything!” She waves as you nod. 
“Thank you, my name is Y/n.”
She nods as well and walks away.
A few days later, you’ve started speaking with other nuns in an effort to gain an understanding of how things normally operate. 
“At 8 A.M, we have breakfast together and then continue our studies in our assigned classrooms. Should you need anything, I am always here.” Sister Nancy, your neighbor, walks with you to breakfast. She guides you through the convent and provides helpful information.
While at breakfast you try to get to know her better. “How long have you lived here?”
“Hmmm…time has sort of..run away from me…” she looks puzzled as she stares at her bowl of oatmeal. Almost as if lost in thought, her voice trails off and eventually becomes silent.
“Sister Nancy?”
“Oh! Yes..about 5 years.” She nods and looks back up at you. Once at the end of your breakfast you stand up and bring your trays to the cafeteria where you can toss any trash.
“Sister Y/n..” Nancy says quietly while walking beside you.
“Yes?” You look at her curiously.
“I must tell you..when you study, when you learn how to best serve God here..please be wary..”
“I’m not sure what you mean..” your brows bunch together.
“Well..the priests here are great, devoted and caring..but there are some who..may not have good intentions.”
You place your trays down and walk together in the hall towards your rooms.
“Men of the cloth are always good, Sister Nancy, what do you mean by this?”
“They should be good..but they are not, be careful and stay steady in your faith, do not lose sight of your goal..”
She stops while you continue walking. 
“But Sister, who-?” You turn to look at her, but suddenly, she is gone, not even the breeze from her departure surrounds you.
You stare into the hall. “Sister Nancy?” You call out, but it is empty and eerily quiet. You turn back towards your room and bump into a large chest.
“Oh!”
You stumble backwards, but the tall, sturdy figure grabs your arms to hold you still.
“I am so sorry..”
You look up slowly. 
The man has long black hair, feline-like eyes and a tempting smile. You quickly look away and onto the floor as your mind starts to desire more than just this embrace.
He chuckles and it’s like angels have started to sing from heaven. “My apologies, I should’ve walked more carefully.”
He finally lets you go.
“You’re new here, right?” 
You look back up at him, a strand of hair gracing his beautiful face perfectly as he smiles. 
“Y-yes..I’m Sister Y/n..please forgive me for-“
“Ahh no need, Sister Y/n..please continue..my name is Suguru by the way, if you need anything, just let me know..” He steps to the side to let you pass, but never lets go of your wide eyes.
You wondered how such a young man could become a priest. He looked dark and mysterious, unlike any of the other priests you’d seen before.
[The Next Day]
You’re heading to your first class where you’ll be taught by Father Nanami. You sit down in your chair comfortably before looking around to see if you can find Khadija and Nancy. To your disappointment, they aren’t there.
Then, he walks in. The blonde man with small glasses makes your jaw drop. He is just as tall and young as Father Suguru, but he looks stern and serious.
He places his books down and looks around at the class. “Welcome, let us begin, please open your pages to the verse written on the board.”
He sounds just as strict as he looks, no “good morning” or “how are you?” He jumps straight into business.
He is also your personal counselor, but you aren’t sure if you’ll be visiting him often.
Later that day, you go apple picking with Sister Khadija. 
“Would you like to tell me of your life before you chose Christ?” Khadija asks, gently picking a ruby red apple from above her head.
“Sure! I was happy..I graduated college and felt I’d done it all..but somehow, I still felt empty. Then one day, I overheard a sermon on the radio..and I felt..I felt this urge, a calling, rather. I felt the need to participate in something much bigger than myself, and so I decided to devote my life to Him.”
Khadija smiles. “That’s very nice.”
“And what about you?”
“Oh..I..don’t quite remember, but yes, I did feel the calling as well.”
You nod slowly, then smile quickly to cover up your worry. How could she not remember?
“That’s great!”
As you’re walking back with baskets full of apples, you turn to her. “I didn’t see you in Father Nanami’s class today, do you have a class with another priest at that time?”
Khadija stops, dropping her basket as her eyes widen. “Wh-who’s class?”
You kneel down and begin to gather the apples that fell out. “Father Nanami..is everything okay, Khadija?”
She dips down to pick her basket up. “I’m sorry, Sister Y/n, how clumsy of me.”
“It’s okay! I-“
“But Y/n, Nanami is not a great instructor..I would recommend another professor..”
She looks into her eyes as your hands touch while reaching for the same apple.
You frown. “He seems to be very serious about his work, I feel I can learn a lot from him.” 
Khadija shakes her head. “He..is dangerous.”
You stand up straight and laugh. “Are his exams that bad? I figured he’d be a harsh teacher, but I look forward to the challenge!” You grip your basket and continue walking.
Khadija looks at you with a worried expression. She wished Nanami was a harsh grader, and nothing more, but unfortunately, this wasn’t the case.
[One Week Later]
You step into Nanami’s office to ask a quick question.
“Father Nanami-“
Suguru stands next to Nanami’s desk, flipping through one of his books before gazing up at you slowly. 
“Hello, Sister Y/n.”
You nod. “Hello! I’ll come by later.”
“Wait a moment, you can speak with me if you’d like.” He says smoothly before sitting in the chair.
“Oh..is Father Nanami not available today?”
Suguru smirks when he senses your unease. “He will be back in about an hour, what is it you’d like to ask him?”
“I-I’ll ask him tomorrow, it really is no problem.” You turn to leave, but he stops you.
“Are you enjoying your time here, Sister?”
He intertwines his fingers in front of him and places his chin on top.
You turn back to him and smile. “Yes..but to be honest with you, father, I’m not sure if I’m worthy to be here.”
He tilts his head slightly, a dark glimmer presents itself in his eyes..or are you just seeing things? “What makes you say that, Y/n?”
The absence of “Sister” from his sentence and the way your name rolls off his tongue makes you shudder, but the feeling quickly leaves you as you clear your throat.
You look to the floor. “I don’t know, it’s probably nothing more than nervousness.”
Suguru leans back. “Of course you are worthy, Y/n. Do not worry, Christ lives through you at all times.”
You look back up at him and return his smile. “Thank you, father.”
You leave and release a deep breath you'd been holding. Something about him made you..unsettled. You didn’t know why, but as you walk back to your room, you shake the feeling off, never noticing his eyes on you from the doorway.
A few weeks pass and you notice that you often see Father Nanami walking about the halls and chatting with other Priests or Nuns. Suguru is hardly ever around, but honestly, you didn’t mind it. The long-haired temptress reminded you of the sin that still resides in your heart. The sin of lust. You couldn’t deny it anymore, and it forced you to visit the chapel more often.
You could resolve this impure feeling if you just prayed and believed in your Lord.
Apart from that, your time at the convent was going well. You bonded with your Sisters, and learned from Father Nanami as well as your Bible.
Some nights, however, you wake up randomly with the doomed feeling of being watched. 
“Hello?” You say quietly as you turn your bedside lamp on and peer out into the corners of the room. There’s nothing, there’s no sound. You only hear your trembling breath. There’s a slight chill in the air and it makes you grip your blanket tightly. 
This would happen around the same time every night, but you brushed it off to you being nervous. After all, you’re in a new home, surely it would take some more time for you to get used to your new bed and room. You tried to brush off the thought that part of these strange occurrences had to do with your room being just a few feet away from a cemetery.
You couldn’t go back to sleep most nights so you’d stay up and read your Bible until the sun rose.
To make matters worse, you didn’t see Nancy or Khadija as often, you couldn’t talk to them about how your nights had been going.
[One Week Later]
You run into Father Suguru for the first time in a while. He was just leaving Father Nanami’s office when he collided with you while turning the corner.
“Oh!” He laughs, his smile causing his eyes to crinkle. Your heart weakens at the sight.
No. Remain firm.
“I am so sorry, Father Suguru.” You step back and bow slightly.
“It’s alright, Sister Y/n, how have you been doing? You look tired.” His smile falls when he notices how dark your eyes have gotten since the last time he’d seen you.
“Oh! Really?” You rub the side of your neck and look to the floor. “Is it that obvious?”
He nods. “What’s wrong? Are you having a difficult time here?”
You shake your head. “No..no it’s not that..it’s just-“
He steps closer, looking down on you intently with knitted brows.
“You see..I’ve been waking up…in the middle of the night..feeling strange.”
Suguru smiles slightly. “How so, Y/n?”
And once again, you felt anxious about his tendency to omit your title.
“It’s nothing, Father..I’ll be-“ movement behind him catches your eye. You see a nun now down the hall quickly.
Nancy.
“Sister Nancy! Wait!”
You call out, but she doesn’t stop.
You look back at Father Suguru. “I apologize, sir. I must be going.”
He nods and watches as you walk by him.
You run after Nancy who quickly turns a corner. “Wait!” You try to call after her again, but once you turn the corner, she’s gone.
Things were getting weird and you didn’t know why. The sudden disappearances, the disturbing stillness and chill at night, it all made you worried.
That night, you wake up as usual, but this time, you finally see a figure. You aren’t sure if you should feel relieved or frightened at the sight.
You turn your lamp on before turning back to her. “Sister..is everything okay?”
Sister Khadija stands at the foot of your bed with dark circles under her empty eyes. Her lips are gray and her hair is unkempt. You’d never seen her like this before.
“W-what’s wrong?” You sit up in your bed.
She only raises her hand and points to the window behind your headboard.
You stand up and look outside of it, but nothing is there, only darkness.
“Sister Khadija, what’s going-“ you turn back to look at her, but she’s gone.
Goosebumps engulf your skin as the room suddenly feels much colder. You open your door quickly to see if she has gone to her room, but no one is there.
You’re seeing things. You just need to sleep more, that’s all.
You close your door again and climb into bed. You clutch your blanket then reach for your Bible, praying that Sister Khadija is sleeping soundly in her room.
The next night, the same thing happens, but this time with Sister Nancy. 
“Nancy-“ you wipe your eyes and focus on her face.
“You have to leave.” She says softly then runs out of your room. 
You jump out of the bed and run after her, ignoring the fact that you’re inappropriately dressed in just your nightgown and running through the halls of the convent.
You run fast, trying hard to not lose her this time. You needed answers. Why were they both visiting you at night? What did she mean by “you have to leave?”
But after running for nearly 4 minutes, you finally lose sight of her. You stop and look around in hopes of figuring out which dark, gloomy hall you’re in. The walls are lit by candles, making it difficult to figure out, but you’re sure that you’ve never been in this particular corridor before.
*thump*
Your head flicks toward the end of the hall where a loud banging sound comes from.
You walk towards it and hear it again.
As you get closer, you also hear soft groans and whispers.
Your hand hovers over the door knob. Should you enter? What do you expect to see? Someone that could help you get back to your room?
Without much thought, you turn it and push the door open slowly.
Your eyes widen at the sight.
It’s Priest Suguru on a bed. 
You gasp. He’s tied up with thick rope and completely naked. His head hangs low as he watches a nun’s head move on his lower half.
“Slower..yes..just like that.” His intoxicating voice fills the room. You step back and the sound of your foot just barely dusting the wood causes his head to snap up.
You cover your mouth.
His eyes are red and glow in the dim lighting of the candle lit room.
But what’s even more frightening is the blood that drips from the corners of his mouth. His chest heaves as he smiles wickedly. You tremble at the sight of two large fangs in his smile. 
“Y/n…” he calls out softly to you. Your eyes refuse to leave his body. Your knees feel weak as a mixture of emotions flood you. Fear, confusion, lust- you become too overwhelmed to speak.
The Sister below him releases his dick from her mouth, causing a ‘pop’ sound to echo. She turns around to face you, her mouth drips with blood and her eyes glow as well. She wipes her mouth with her fist before standing up and walking towards the door. 
You stumble backwards, your eyes still focused on Suguru behind her.
And then, the door slams in your face.
You snap out of your gaze, feeling your body experience a shock unlike anything you’ve felt before. What did you just see? Was it real? No, you had to be dreaming. Suguru, a holy man, would never—
The gorgeous sounds of his moans fill your head.
“Stop!” You say to yourself as your eyes grow teary.
You start running away from the door. You had to find your room, you had to repent immediately. How could your lustful mind conjure up such a degrading image of a priest? You’re disgusting, you’re unworthy of the Lord.
You pray you can be forgiven for your sin, but the sudden wetness in between your legs tells you that it may be too late.
———
[One Week Later]
Fortunately, you hadn’t seen Suguru since that night. You still weren’t sure if you dreamt it or not, but you begged God every night that it wasn’t real. 
“Are you okay, Sister Y/n?” Father Nanami interrupts your thoughts. You look around the classroom to see you’re the only one still there.
“Oh! Yes, Father, I apologize..I’ll get going.”
“You look tired, get some sleep tonight.” He says before grabbing his briefcase and leaving.
“Yes, Father.”
That night, you tossed and turned. You had vivid dreams of the halls and the people you saw every day. Your dreams were more realistic  than ever before.
You then start to dream of that dreaded night..but there is something different.
You feel your wrists are tied to your head board, your legs are pulled apart by large hands as you wiggle on your bed. Your nipples are perky, peeking through your gown, and you can feel your slit leaking.
You look down and see him. His hair is tied up and his upper half is naked.
Suguru crawls over you slowly.
You moan when you see his low gaze on your body.
He lifts your gown up and kisses your stomach with his pillowy soft lips. He works himselfvall the way down to your entrance. You can feel his hot breath fanning it.
“Father..please.” You close your eyes tightly and beg, and with just the sound of this one desperate plea, Suguru licks in between your slit.
Your back arches instantly. 
Finally.
His mouth on you feels amazing, you can’t stop moving your hips in an effort to get more from him.
He grips your thighs tightly, pushing them even further apart to lick and suck all parks of you.
Your moans grow louder, your breathing becomes quicker, you’re so close.
He reaches up with one hand under your gown and caresses your breast.
“Look at me.” He demands.
You look down as he drapes your leg over his shoulder and licks at a faster pace.
You lock eyes with his red ones.
“Faster..faster..please..I need more.” You cry out.
And Suguru follows your commands all while watching you writhe under him.
And with one final flick of his devilish tongue, you cum.
Your eyes fly open, you jump out of your sleep while panting.
Another lustful dream.
How could you betray God like this? You can't control your urges, it’s becoming a distraction and a serious problem that needs to be dealt with.
You start to cry quietly and decide that it’s time to get help.
You get on your knees and begin to pray until the sun comes up for only God could banish these cravings and impure thoughts.
———
[The Next Day]
You visit Father Nanami after class.
“Hello..do you have a moment?”
“Yes, come in.”
You close the door behind you and sit in front of his desk.
“How can I help you, Sister Y/n?”
In your time at the convent, you’d never seen him smile, and you certainly didn’t expect to see it today.
He looks sternly at his laptop, awaiting your reply.
You swallow hard, where should you start?
“Father Nanami..I saw..Suguru the other night..he was..he was tied up and in a strange position and he…he was partaking in scandalous activities with another Sister..”
He stops typing and looks up at you over his screen.
“But father..the strangest thing of all is that his eyes were red and his mouth dripped with what I think was..blood..it was..it was terrifying.”
“And yet..you couldn’t look away..could you, Sister Y/n?”
Your eyes grow. Nanami saw right through you and instantly knew of your sins.
“Father..I’m so sorry, I must beg for forgiveness.”
He takes his glasses off and places them onto the desk. He shrugs. “Why?”
You’re confused. “Because..because I saw the devil and had impure thoughts, Father! I’ve sinned, I’m unworthy of being here.” You bring your hands to your face and start to sob in them.
“Shhhh..no need to cry, Y/n..simply beg for forgiveness and do as he says..”
You nod. “Yes, father, I will visit the chapel right away and live as God tells me to, I-“
Nanami chuckles. “No..no Y/n..beg him for forgiveness..”
“..him?” You look up slowly.
“Father Suguru is the one whose image your impure mind has desecrated without reason..surely, you don’t think what you saw was anything more than your lust taking form in a dream? You imagined Suguru as something completely opposite of who he is, and you need ask for his forgiveness as he is the human embodiment of God..we all are, isn’t that right, Y/n?”
“Oh..I see, I apologize for not understanding..I will go to him right away.”
Nanami nods. “Good girl.”
You look to the floor to not see his smirk. But you can feel it in his tone and it’s strange.
You go to Suguru’s office in the evening when everyone is leaving to prepare for bed.
“Father Suguru..?” you say softly, but feel worried as you stand in his doorway.
“Oh. Sister Y/n..it’s nice to see you.” He gives a sly smile.
You nod.
“Close the door.” He sets aside a few books and sits down.
Like before, you find it hard to get started, but know you must in order to become a better Christian.
“Father..I must confess and with this confession I hope that you will not change your perception of me..I-I hope you will forgive me and allow me to continue to grow in this establishment.”
“Sister Y/n..you don’t believe you are worthy of being here, so why should I believe it?”
Your mouth falls open.
A smug look crosses his face. “You’ve come here to ask for my forgiveness, but have you forgiven yourself?”
“Father..I-I don’t follow.”
“What is it you’d like me to forgive you for? For watching..for craving..for..wanting to not only feel the devil but to taste him as well?”
You step back and gasp. “Father! I would never-“
“Oh, Y/n..sure..I’ll forgive you, but I know that’s not the only thing you desire.” He stands behind his desk and holds his hands together in front of him, his grin never leaving his face.
“Father, I only wish to absolve myself of my sins and live purely. It is the goal that I-“
He waves his hand. “Sure..sure..but tell me Y/n..how did it feel?”
“H-how did “what” feel?”
He walks closer to you, making more and more hairs on the back of your neck raise with each step.
“The lust, the desire…the craving..”
“I-I don’t know..it felt..”
“Strange, right?” He smiles widely.
”I’ll forgive you if you’ll allow yourself to indulge in your fantasies tonight.”
“No!” You back away from him.
“My dear Y/n..these thoughts will only go away if you give in for just a moment.”
“So what I saw the other night..was real?”
“It’s as real as you want it to be, Y/n. Tell me..do you want to feel what it’s like to be tied up and at the mercy of another?”
You tremble.
“Hands can roam along your skin, press into your thighs and collect the slick building in between your slit..fingers part it to allow way for my tongue to taste you and draw out your long withheld moans. But I won't stop, not until you’ve really felt me inside, making you the perfect size for me, pushing every breath out of your body. Not until our bodies become one and you’ve cried out to God for release.”
“Father..” you breathe heavily, his lips just inches from yours.
“And with your hands tied behind you, you’ll have no choice but to bounce on me until I’ve said I forgive you..even if it takes all night..you’re mine to control. In every position, in every hour..we’ll gain a brief moment in heaven together..only then can your sins be absolved.”
You swallow hard.
“You watched the devil and you liked what you saw..are you ready to fuck him too?”
Suguru’s eyes become a deep shade of red.
“How can you say such obscene things? What are you?” You stare into his eyes.
“A servant of God..of course…but I’m also the one that can make you feel so..so good.” he places a hand on your neck and tilts his head.
“But you..you’re..”
“Yes..Y/n..go on..say it.” His eyes follow your lips.
“A demon..”
He chuckles and his eyes float downwards. “And you’re as wet as you were that night..so shall we?”
“How can you..live in the house of God?” You look up with wide eyes.
Suguru lifts one corner of his mouth. “You see..I use my abilities for good Y/n..just one night and I shall remove the impurities from your blood, would you like me to?”
You hesitantly nod. He takes you into his arms and cranes down to your neck.
You grunt at the sudden move.
He then digs into your neck, causing you to yelp, your head falls back over his shoulder. The pain quickly turns into a pleasurable feeling as he sucks your blood. Your body relaxes in his arms. He pulls away and tilts your chin toward his to kiss you deeply. It’s your first kiss, so he leads you into it, caressing your lips slowly, mixing your spit with your blood. 
Your eyes close as you feel his tongue dance over your bottom lip. You relax more and more into his arms and embrace the feeling of his broad chest against your back.
He pulls away and looks into your eyes. “Do you wish to feel more? Do you wish to indulge your sins and be absolved of them thereafter?”
You nod, feeling your willingness to leave dissipate after his kiss. He smiles. 
“Very good, Y/n.” He says before sucking again.
He takes you to a room lit with only candles.
He carefully removes your head cover and dress, then pulls his rope out from a closet. 
He ties your hands behind your back, and continues to create intricate patterns across your body, making sure to kiss you every now and then. His cold fingers brush against your skin, sparking fires.
You feel vulnerable, but follow his every move and command as you kneel on the bed.
He removes his collar and lets his holy robe drop to the floor. You stare at his magnificent body causing him to laugh out. “The lust in your eyes is delicious” he puts his hair up in a bun, but a part of you wishes he’d let it stay down so you could run your hands through it.
You turn away in embarrassment. “I’m sorry father, I-“
He turns your face back to his and continues to kiss you. When he pulls away he runs his thumb along your bottom lip. “Are you ready?” 
You nod.
He lays down under you, fixes his face between your thighs and begins to eat you out as you cry out his name. 
With his hands on your ass, he forces you to move back and forth onto his face. Your ankles are tied to the same rope that binds your wrists, forcing you to stay open.
“Father!” You cry out when you feel the tip of his nose rub against you. You rock your hips back and forth on your own. 
More, you need more. That’s all you can think as his tongue explores you.
He groans against you, sending amazing vibrations through you.
“So sweet..your scent has driven me insane since you first stepped foot inside this convent..”
He groans and begins to buck his hips into his own cuffed hand.
He can’t wait to feel you around him, he can’t wait to drain you as you tremble and lose it all to him.
Suguru sucks your clit harder at the thought.
You yell out at the unexpected action and move faster.
Just then, Nanami walks in and stands at the end of the bed to watch.
“You really are trying to let God hear..”
You jump up and look at him, but Suguru digs his fingertips into your thighs to keep you still.
“Father Nanami! Please..forgive me.” You shut your eyes tightly, holding back your tears while cumming all over Suguru’s mouth.
Nanami palms himself through his jeans.
The casual look suits him very well, but you’re still embarrassed to let him see you like this.
He walks over to you, caressing your face with one hand and zipping his pants down with the other. “Shhh..open your mouth and all will be forgiven.” 
He rubs his thumb along your bottom lip, gently pushing downward.
You do as he says, doing your best to fit all of him into your mouth. Laying your tongue out underneath it, you push forward and taste the saltiness from the precum leaking out.
Suguru kneels beside you on the bed and watches.
“Yes, good girl, you follow instructions so well.” Nanami removes his collar and shirt now too.
You choke slightly after feeling him hit the back of your throat, but you keep going, bobbing slowly as your spit builds.
Suguru now licks your nipples, eventually biting into one and sucking your blood once more. You groan from the pain, sending vibrations onto Nanami who grunts and curses. 
He puts a hand to the back of your head and begins to thrust into you. Tears prick the ends of your eyes, you can barely breathe. If your hands were free, you’d use them to cover a few inches. If you could talk, you’d tell him to be gentler on you. But you take it all, knowing that you’d be forgiven if you bring both men satisfaction.
You moan as you feel your throat become raw.
“She’s being such a good girl..” Suguru smiles wickedly before licking up the blood around your wound.
Nanami finally releases along the bottom of your throat, choking you as tears fall onto your cheeks and your eyes become red.  You wish he’d tell you you were a good girl, but the stoic man simply says “Swallow.” And looks down on you through laser eyes.
You do as he says, swallowing every drop and hoping that it will somehow purify your soul like holy water or wine.
He pulls out. “Ahh good girl..” he finally smiles, using his thumb to collect the spit that escaped and putting it back into your mouth. Suguru kisses you to taste yourself as well as Nanami. Nanami caresses his hair and your head as well.
“Am I forgiven, father?” You look up at him with wide eyes.
He looks down at your breasts and neck, aching to bite into you so he can grow hard again.
Suguru then kneels in front of you and begins to cup his hand around his member. The tip is red and dripping with precum, you stare but Nanami grabs your hair to pull your neck back.
“There’s so much greed and lust in your eyes, you’ll have to do much more than that to gain forgiveness.”
He pushes you down so you now face Suguru’s member. 
“Open that filthy mouth of yours again.”
Nanami kneels on the bed behind you and begins to eat you out.
His tongue is lighter than Suguru’s, just applying kitten licks, but that somehow makes it hotter. You can’t help but move more in an effort to get closer to his lips.
Meanwhile, Suguru’s head falls back as you take him into your mouth. 
He isn’t as patient as Nanami thrusts into you while groaning, causing a yelp to escape you. Your throat, still raw and irritated from being pounded into by Nanami, still closes around him well. He whimpers and places his hand onto the back of your head.
Nanami adds his fingers to open you up more and you throw your head back. “Father!”
“So wet and pretty..this tight pussy of yours needs to be made ready.” 
He pushes in and out faster. You pull away from Suguru as Nanami’s fingers stretch you out.
“Slower, Father..please!”
“Focus on me, Y/n. It’s my forgiveness you should be seeking.” Suguru takes your chin in his hand and forces you to look back at him.
Nanami bites into your thigh, sucking harder and faster. You’re shocked to see that Nanami is the same as Suguru, but your focus shifts to the amazing feeling of being sucked from the area closest to your opening.
You quiver and clench around his fingers before moving up and down on them on your own.
Your moans send vibrations onto Suguru, and combined with the sight of your ass being up, he quickly cums in your mouth, leaving you a crying mess as he forces your head down. You choke while feeling the strings hit the very back of your throat once again.
You cum along with him, Nanami continuously pressing into a sweet spot. It feels too good to explain, but you know you’re too sensitive for more.
When he pulls out, you flick your head back to Nanami who continues to finger you.
“Father! I can't take any more.” You beg Nanami to leave your aching opening be.
You collapse into the bed and pant. Suguru laughs 
“We’re just getting started sweetheart. You’re ours tonight, then you’ll be God’s forever.” He says as he ties a collar around your neck. He then unties the rope around your legs. He hands the leash to Nanami who sits against the headboard. He tugs you back, wasting no time to grab your thighs and spread you apart over his lap. 
He forces you down onto him as you face Suguru. Suguru smiles again then flicks a thumb against your nipple.
In one move Nanami starts to enter you, causing you to squeal and attempt to run from the penetrative object , but he is just too strong. 
“You know it’s her first time, be gentle, Father.” Suguru chuckles.
Nanami tugs your collar hard, “how could I forget? This pussy is reserved for God, isn’t it? the blood will be even sweeter if I go harder, don’t you think?”
“Hmm only one way to find out.”
Nanami pulls you down hard, burying everything inside you at once. You lift yourself up while in tears, but he grabs you again.
“Where are you going? You have work to do..take me in as you take God into your heart.” He smirks. “This is the Godly dick you’ve been craving, isn’t it?”
“T-too much, Father Nanami, I can’t take it.” Heated skin against heated skin, fingertips digging into your skin to leave a permanent impression and the way you can’t stop dripping for them, it’s unlike anything you’ve felt before.
You should feel shame, but you don’t.
“Tsk tsk..you need to prove yourself worthy, Sister Y/n..need I remind you of why?”
You shake your head, tears leaving your eyes as you are stretched out. “It’s my first time, father, I do not know-“
“Just relax and move..”
His hands are stable on the inside of both knees. He begins to bring you up and down onto him. “Yes..just like that.”
You’re wide open for Suguru to see, with just rope around your body. You should feel embarrassed, but there’s something building in the depths of your stomach.
Suguru looks you up and down and sucks your neck as you move. His large hands rest inside your knees to help you move up and down. 
Nanami’s hand reaches around your waist, his fingertips part your folds and rub circles into your clit. 
It feels amazing, you moan louder and bounce faster. “Father! I’m..I’m going to—“
“Yes, sweetheart, cum for me…”
Your eyes roll to the back of your head, you want to stay still as you feel your climax rush over you, but Nanami continues to thrust into you.
Suguru releases and begins to touch himself again. “Ahh you taste so good.”
“Does she? Let me try.” Nanami pulls your collar, forcing your neck backwards. He bites in hard, still bringing you up and down on his member.
You whimper at the feeling, but shake soon after, cumming twice with just a few seconds between. You feel dizzy, you might pass out. But you also don’t want the men to stop. 
Nanami keeps moving as you cry out, your head falling back even more.
You move faster to get his orgasm, he pushes you forward once he's done sucking, kneeling behind you to rail you from behind.
You feel the collar tighten as he pushes harder, forcing your face down into the bed.
“You should feel shame for cumming before me, the holiest servant of God, what makes you think you are higher than me?”
He pushes even harder, making you cry out loudly. “I’m so sorry, father! I didn’t mean to!” You turn your face to the side to breathe.
Nanami spanks your ass hard, causing a breath to leave you and you clench around him.
“All the more reason for this exorcism to take all night, isn’t that right Y/n?” Suguru looks at your strained arms, feeling himself grow unbearably hard with your sweet blood still on his tongue.
“Yes, father, I will do whatever you wish me to!”
Nanami pulls the collar and spanks your ass again. You grunt and close your eyes, you can’t stop clenching around him.
“More father..please, I deserve this.”
A snicker escapes him and spanks you repeatedly as he fucks into you hard, leaving you gasping for air with each thrust.
Suguru kneels beside him and watches while touching himself.
“I’m going to cum inside you, if you let a drop escape, you will have disappointed God. Do you understand?”
You nod. “Yes father. I will keep you in.” You squeal.
He holds your warm ass onto his pelvis as he cums deep inside you.
“Fuck..so fucking good.” Nanami curses while listening to your whimpers.
He then pulls out and leans down to make out with you. You’re enraptured by his aggressive kiss, it’s as if he wants to take every breath out of you.
Suguru licks up the blood that trickles down your leg and moans. “You were right, Nanami. It’s sweeter than the apples and berries outside.”
Nanami pulls away, watching the string of spit that connected your lips drop onto your chin.
“Then she’s ready for you. You’re welcome.”
Suguru laughs then wastes no more time to enter you.
“Suguru!” You cry out, hoping that he’d give you a moment to recover, but he only laughs harder.
“Come on, Y/n, you’re supposed to be ready for me.”
You cry into the sheets, but Nanami lays under you. He hugs your upper body tightly as Suguru fucks you just as hard as he did.  
He sucks your neck, his fangs digging into another vein to pull out your impurities.
Your opening is silky and easy to move in, so it doesn’t take long for Suguru to cum again. 
“Ah-ah…father!” You climax with him, seeing stars while Nanami drains you.
Suguru pushes everything inside you as well, cursing as he watches you clench around nothing and shake. 
Nanami slides out from under you and leaves the bed. You pant and roll over onto your back, hoping that you’d finally be forgiven and welcome into the convent after tonight.
Suguru unties your rope, allowing your body to be free.
However, he can’t get enough of your blood, sucking your wrist while you gather your sanity.
Nanami then pulls out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from his jeans pocket. He sits 
 on the bed with his back on the headboard.
“Ride my thigh, sweetheart.” 
You shakily get on your knees and put your hands together in a prayer position.
“Father..please grant me forgiveness..”
He blows smoke into the air and smiles. “It wasn’t a question. Come over here.”
You do as he says, crawling over his impressively muscular thigh and grinding against it. He watches you through half lidded eyes and the sight makes you clench. Something about his disheveled blonde hair and the cigarettes he presses in between his swollen peachy lips makes it all hotter.
Suguru lays down beside him and smokes his cigarette as well. “Look at her, a whore that thinks she will be absolved of her sins.” Suguru chuckles.
“In all my 300-something years of life I’ve never pitied anyone more.” Nanami takes a drag.
You continue to move back and forth, but a sense of worry crosses you. “Father..I..what must I do?” You whine.
Nanami looks down at his hard member, having grown quickly since drinking your blood. 
You hurriedly move over it and grasp it in your hands. You may have grabbed it a little too hard as Nanami grunts. “Careful, sweetheart.”
“I’m sorry, sir.” You carefully align it with your opening, but you’re too nervous to bring it any closer.
Nanami hands the cigarette to Suguru. He swats your hand away and grabs your waist, pulling you onto him with ease. You whimper, trembling as you adjust to his large size once more.
Your hands find his broad shoulders. 
You begin to bounce slowly. “Is it good, sir? Can you forgive me?” It’s a genuine question but you can’t help but feel ridiculous after hearing the desperation in your tone.
Nanami’s eyes are focused on the way your bitten breasts move. Your velvety pussy glides onto him easily, but he needs more. More of your blood, more of your essence.
He flips you over onto your back and sucks your right breast as he fucks into you hard, moving the entire bed as you squeal. 
“Too big!” You cry out after his animalistic move. He pounds into you without hesitation. Not caring if anyone heard the lewd sounds created by his thighs hitting yours, or the creaking bed hitting the wall repeatedly. The rush of your blood flowing from your tender breast and into his mouth as well as the sight of the muscular man in between your bender, sweaty legs makes you quiver.
“Now this!” thrust “..is how you take dick, Sister Y/n.” He smirks, pounding hard again. 
“Oh God!” Your head falls back as you are stretched out. It’s painful, but you cannot escape Nanami. He sucks your breast and places one hand around your throat. 
Your nails dig into his back as he drives you crazy. 
“Yes, Y/n, tell God how good your sins feel.” He pushes harder. 
You shake your head. “It is wrong to feel this good while sinning.” Your tears flow in a steady stream, you feel as though he may just rip you in two.
“Says who?” He grins wickedly. 
Your mouth falls open, you don’t know what to believe anymore.
He stops moving, you look down with furrowed brows. “Do you want me to stop, Y/n?” The corner of his lip tilts up slightly as he already knows your answer.
“No-no, Father, please contin- Ah!”
Before you can even finish, he’s back inside your depths again, molding your pussy around him like he will forever own it.
“Open your mouth wider Y/n..” Suguru takes the cigarette out of his mouth and kneels beside your head, pushing his member into your mouth.
He enters your mouth, thrusting in just as deep as he did before. You gag and Nanami smiles. “I much rather hear you gagging like this.”
Suguru smokes nonchalantly as you are ruined by both of them. You feel open and raw, your mind is mush and you are beyond sensitive. Your hips hurt from being open and your arms hurt from being bound before, but somehow you feel amazing.
They both watch you lose your innocence, your purity, and are happy to be at the center of it all. The sorrowful look on your face as you do anything for forgiveness, your eyes wet with tears and your mouth open, chin covered in a mix of spit and their cum drives them both crazy. There is nothing on your mind except how to please them and yourself.
“Cum with me, let us enjoy this moment together.” Nanami squeezes his hand around your throat then rubs your clit with his fingertips again and you both cum. 
Your voice becomes hoarse from yelling out their names all night. You press onto his abs as your eyes roll. Suguru pulls out to watch your wet lips overflow with a mixture of cum and spit.
“You fucked her stupid, Nanami.” Suguru giggles.
Nanami pulls out of you quickly before taking the cigarette from him.
“She’s even cuter now, isn’t she, Suguru?”
He sits back and watches as Suguru flips you over and grabs your leash, pulling your neck back as he fucks you from behind like a wild animal, moving so fast, all you feel is a vibration against your sweet spot.
“Mhmm our cute slut..don’t worry, sweetheart, I’ll take care of you. Just keep gripping me..fuck..that’s my girl.”
He pushes in and pulls out completely, watching as his dick drips with so much slick.
Nanami blows smoke out and leans back. “Ask the slut a few questions, see if she even knows her own name.”
Suguru pushes back in. 
“Think you can just dream of these things and be forgiven, sweetheart?”
“Yes, father.” You grip the sheets beside your head, feeling as though you may lose consciousness at any moment. But the way Suguru makes you feel is too good to miss. You hope you can climax with him just one more time. Your body needs him, your pussy needs him.
“How badly do you want to be forgiven, will you please us all night long, is this pussy ours?”
“Yes, father.”
“You’re good at obeying, aren’t you?”
“Yes..father.”
“If you keep yourself from cumming, you’ll be forgiven, how does that sound?”
Your eyes widen, you look back at him and shake your head. “Sir..I don’t know if I can-“
He thrusts harder and pulls back.
“What was that?”
He leans over you, grabbing both of your wrists in one hand and pinning them above your head.
“Obey..me..Y/n..or spend an eternity in hell.”
“Yes..father I will obey you!”
And this would’ve been possible had his fingers not been playing with your clit, you’re in tears as you try to hold back.
You feel his sweaty abs flex against your back, you hear his low and loud groans.
His hot breath fans the back of your neck.
You can’t possibly hold back.
Then, he bites into you, sucking your neck, drawing out blood to cause even more pleasure. “Father! Please! No more! If you do, I’ll-“
He moves his fingertips faster. 
You cum and shake, unable to hold yourself back. Suguru laughs and cums as well, holding your ass fast against his hips.
“Ahh I guess we’ll just have to keep going until she proves she is worthy of forgiveness, Father Suguru.” Nanami smiles.
Suguru falls back onto the pillow while Nanami drags you by the waist and down into the bed beside him.
You hang your head low in embarrassment. 
“Why so sad Y/n? We’ve got all night to absolve your sins.” Nanami says as he enters your sopping entrance once more. Suguru lights another cigarette and blows the smoke into your face before kissing you and fondling your breasts.
“Fa-“
“Huh?” He thrusts into you from behind. “Can’t hear you..”
“Father-“ you go weak, your eyes closing tightly as you are overstimulated.
Nanami holds you close, thrusting into your weak body while he chases another high.
“Yeah..sound it out, baby.” He chuckles lowly into your ear.
He bites into your shoulder, not caring just how much blood they’ve taken from you tonight, only caring for the euphoric feeling that comes from it. Blood rushes into his mouth and straight to his dick every time, the ecstatic feeling is just as good..maybe even better than an orgasm.
He moves his fingers onto your clit and you let out a high pitched moan.
You cum again with him, this time ruining the sheets, but he only touches your chin covered in drool. 
“Good girl..”
Suguru drags you back over his lap, “Move pretty girl..don’t disappoint God..again.”
He angles you over his dick and slides you down.
You move up and down onto him despite being so tired you might pass out.
Suguru only drags a smoke and hands it to Nanami as they both watch your tired body bounce, your fucked out face, swollen breasts and neck riddled with bite marks.
“Tell us how good it feels.”
“So good..father.” Your hands run down his chest, caressing the soft bricks under his skin. 
“Is that why you can’t stop cumming like a slut?”
“Yes father.” Your head falls back, you move faster, the building in the pit of your stomach grows.
“Are you gonna cum again for me?”
“Yes father”
“Beg for it.”
“Let me cum with you father!”
“Why?”
“I wish to rid myself of sin with you.” 
He can’t help but laugh.
“Please father, I need you.”
“Of course, Y/n.” He grabs your wrist, sucking hard while still watching your breasts move.
You both climax hard, shaking while still being attached.
You lay down in between them, feeling Suguru’s lips on yours and his fingers inside you, pumping in and out as you squirm from the oversensitivity. 
You try to close your legs but Nanami forces them apart by placing them on the outside of his strong hands. 
“Tell God how good you feel.” Nanami bites into your thigh and sucks as Suguru bites into your neck. Your eyes roll to the back of your head. “So good..” The combination of the two along with Suguru’s long fingers makes you cum so hard you black out.
——
[The Next Morning]
You’re back in your room with your nightgown on.
“What happened..was it real?” You rub your eyes and turn to sit on the edge of your bed.
You feel your body, but don’t feel any bite marks. You don’t feel any difference in your private area either.
“Oh..it was just a dream.” You hang your head low and look to the floor, you then see two feet as someone stands just in front of you. Your head flicks up. “Sister Khadija?” 
She wears her nightgown and displays a sad expression. She was the same one who pointed outside that one night, but you never did see her again.
“I told you..” she points outside the window again. You turn to look, “told me what?”
You turn back to her, but she is gone again.
You get up and look outside the window, trying hard to see what she is pointing to. The cemetery that you always prayed over before going to sleep looked the same as always, except..there was a freshly dug grave.
You run outside and decide to look at the headstones and sure enough, the names of the two Sisters you met are there. 
Nancy and Khadija. 
They've been dead..for 5 years. 
“No..no this can’t be true.”
You stumble back, tripping over a pile of dirt and falling to the ground. When you look at the headstone behind you that the dirt has been dug from, you see your name.
Khadija appears. “Sister Y/n..they killed you, just as they killed us and now you are here forever..” she tears up as she watches you cry.
“No..no that can’t be true, they helped me purify my soul, I am good, I am worthy now.”
She shakes her head. “Sister Y/n..a night with the devil will not absolve you of your sins…you know this..”
You look to the ground.
“But..but why did they-“
“No, Sister, the question is why did you?”
Suguru and Nanami fed on your body until you dried out, leaving you for dead, and now..this is your hell.
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astroamorsworld · 5 months
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Part of Fortune in the houses part 1
This is something a little different from what I usually post and I wanted to just try something new and also go down the route of lots and asteroids eventually. So, with that being said, I hope you enjoy!
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What is Part of Fortune?
The part of fortune, also called the Lot of Fortune or Pars Fortuna, is a calculated point on your birth chart that reflects areas where you might find luck and success.
Part of Fortune in the 1st house
Having your Part of Fortune in the 1st house is a pretty lucky placement to have imo. You may be a naturally lucky person, and are just always in good mood, stemming from having a lot of confidence within yourself and high self esteem. These traits, on top of being naturally lucky, will attract even more good luck and opportunities your way, so you’re most definitely blessed with this placement. This placement may indicate that you have a lot of determination and willpower when it comes to getting things done, so you’re definitely a hard worker too. Your personality shines through in your everyday life so in work fields that rely on you having a vibrant personality would really work best for natives with this placement. If you want to really get the most out of this placement, i’d say you need to take initiative and persue your dreams!! If you put yourself out there you will get what you want!! (As someone with this placement, I need really take my own advice🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️)
Part of Fortune in the 2nd house
With this placement you may too, have high esteem. You may also tend to attract or create material abundance. You might find that your talents and skills translate well into financial security and that you have a good eye for things of value or things that can become valuable. This placement could also give you the ability to thrive in careers that involve finances, like accounting, investing, or sales, could be particularly fortunate for you. Success can also find you in fields utilise your creativity and resourcefulness, like entrepreneurship, crafts, or the arts. So in terms of getting the most out of this placement, i’d say develop your talents and show people your worth. Dont let them take advantage of it though. Take risks and use what resources you have wisely.
Part of Fortune in the 3rd house
With this placement, it’s possible that you have lucky siblings, cousins and even neighbours, or when you’re around them you become luckier. You’re also likely to have good relationships them too. Your education experience may have been one to remember, as you may have had a good experience there. You may be naturally smart, and find it easy to retain information, so school may have been a breeze for you. School trips may have been fun and better for you than the average ones. You are probably a good communicator, and know how to communicate in a healthy way. So this could mean that you excel in public speaking, teaching and writing. Short trips may be good for you also. So if you wanna get the most out of this placement, USE YOUR VOICE and maintain the relationships (i mentioned before) with those around you.
Part of Fortune in the 4th house
With this placement, you’re likely to have a good relationship with your mother, and with your family. Just a good home life in general. You may be in tune with your family background and culture, and take a real interest in your roots. It’s also a possibility that you may have been born into some sort of wealth, whether its from your entire family, or on your mothers side or your dads side, the point being that someone you’re related to is likely to be wealthy. You are also probably in tune with your emotions and feelings and know how to manage them quite well. Most definitely emotionally mature. You may also be a bit of a homebody, since you may love your home so much. Interior design or gardening may be hobbies or careers you want to persue. You could also excel in social care, therapy, or childcare. Working from home is where you probably do your best work. So if you want to get the most out of this placement, invest in your home and nurture your relationship with your family. Get in touch with your roots!!
I would’ve done this all as one big post but i’ve had to split it into 3 parts because i’ve had issues with saving my work to drafts and don’t want to risk losing 1 big piece of work. But i will post part 2 and 3 in the coming days. :)
Check out my pinned post for more observations!💖
If you enjoy my content and would like to support me, you can buy me a coffee here :)
If you would like a reading, you can DM me or order one through my fiverr page here or my ko-fi page here.
Next part
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goatpaste · 2 years
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Alrighty, this has been something I'v been putting off for awhile because I really just wanted to save all the money myself but I just dont think its gonna be able to happen anytime soon and I'm tired of putting it off for Daisy's sake
but this is officially the Donation Post for us to start pooling together money to move daisy up from Texas to Pennsylvania. I'll bore you with the details under the cut but in the mean time here is links and info on the ways you can support the move!
[My commissions are Open] [My Etsy is Open]
[My Kofi were i offer PWYW commissions as low at 3$]
[My Toyhouse has designs for sale on it]
[You can Donate here and all the saving made toward this will be going directly into savings]
These are all the ways you can directly support us and help us work toward the goal of getting Daisy into a safe and better environment! I know not everyone is going to be able to chip in but anything helps even reblogs and sharing around! We've been talking about this move for over a year and I want to try and move her by the end of this year at the latest.
For more info on our specific situation and bit more details, please read under the cut
Daisy has been my friend since we were 6 years old, she is like a sister to me! We've been at each others side through thick and thin and I care about her so much.
Daisy's home life has never been the best and her parents are nightmare people who are a blight on the general public but as well as Daisy's home life.
Daisy doesnt have the ability to drive, work or save her own money even when she did work as her mother would take the money she earned constantly, and was ultimately the reason Daisy was unable to keep her job.
So for Daisy's end she has no ability to save and moving funds, it will primarily be on me to round up the money.
We are not 100% sure how much we are going to need at this moment in time but have a rough estiment.
Were hoping to get Daisy's mother on a good mood and have her pay for Daisy's plane ticket. We are going to be unable to move all her stuff and will just have to pack as much as she can into a large suitcase and fly up. So we will not have to pay for the plane, but will have to pay for bedding, and everything else she will need once up here. we have some temporary arrangements Via my bed and couch and potentially picking up a blow up mattress. But my current apartment is extremely small and not much room for two people let alone just me. Not sure how long I will be in this space while Daisy is up here if at all.
I may potentially reach out to my step father and ask him to dip into the savings he has kept for me to get Daisy furniture and necessities. But im avoiding that for as much as i can as im not on the best terms with my dad.
I will start looking for a bigger place for us to live together once we start getting in a comfortable area on savings. As the only money maker currently i will be needing savings to afford a place for us to share that will of course be much more expensive than where i am right now. Daisy will start looking for a job once she is/has moved up here and hopefully we will be able to support ourselves at that point, it will just be the first little bit of time we will need a cushion.
this is one of the areas im not 100% sure how much were going to need but certain in the thousands area knowing rent for a place big enough for two individuals.
after that its just gonna be us figuring it out.
but this is the situation as it stands right now, we are trying to help a trans woman out of her shitty living situation and across the country where her friends who love and care and want to support her are. We dont know exactly how much its going to be, but its going to be a lot and were really just looking for a bit of support!
thank yall so much!
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the-s1lly-corner · 11 months
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If you could indulge me, can I ask for something with The Amazing Digital Circus gang, with an s/o who is seen as an anchor for the others? They are strong willed, happy go lucky, supportive, a mediator and ect. Well, could they stumble upon their s/o just having an episode, just crying in frustration and like punching a wall to calm down and go back to acting like nothing happened?
I have a thing with strong willed characters hiding their weakness for the benefit of others.
TADC cast x emotional anchor!reader !
oh ho ho you silly lil fella, you have literally just described my TADC oc down to a T, i am going to have so much fun writing this because im literally just. going to use my oc as a place holder for the reader, just without describing any lore bits unique to them and their design ngl i think i went insane with this one, tally hall music is doing something to me
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CAINE:
if you thought you were good at hiding your human despair just know that caine already knows. the only reason i feel he wouldnt initially come to you in your lesser moments of weakness is that he can acknowledge that youre trying to hide this part of you. does he go comfort you, and risk making you try harder to surpress your feelings; risking you to just blow up one day and have your mental state just totally collapse in one go? would you feel put off at the knowledge that in this world you never really have full privacy? that definitely wouldnt make you feel any better. but when it gets to the point where you're screaming and crying in your room and punching the walls he would step in. drags you away from the walls, and if he has to this man will restrain you if it means making sure you stop swinging. hes seen the downfall of many people within the circus, but seeing it from someone he so deeply cares for hits a different way. he may be an AI, but he can still simulate feeling. its a harrowing sensation as he lets you cling onto him. i think he makes an effort to make in house adventures less overwhelming and intense, too scared to push you over the edge but also too scared to leave you with nothing to do to distract you. i think he would stay with you for the night, too
POMNI:
as selfish as it sounds, pomni cant help but feel.. something in her chest. seeing you, the groups beacon of light falter fills her with some kind of fear and despair that she cant put into words. it reminds her that no one is above helplessness, and that at the end of the day youre just as capable of abstracting as everyone else. i think, when she finally sees your fake demeanor finally slip when you thought you were totally alone, she feels bad. i mean shes your partner, and she didnt pick up on any hints that may have indicated your true state of health. i dont think she would try to force you to speak, as much as i want to say that she would try to push for you to talk about how you feel i think her attempts to reach out to you would fall on deaf ears. i think she would put her hand on your shoulder, making you jump back to the present moment. its an awkward gesture, with the jester herself being a little lost with these new feelings... i think you two would just sit in silence
JAX:
similar to pomni, he feels this intense and unexplainable pang at the sight of the most hopeful and brightest person in the circus crumble. ive already said it but ill say it again, its like being splashed with cold water, with how hard that sinking cold feeling hits him. makes half hearted attempts to cheer you up. its not that he doesnt care, its that hes stuck in the shock of seeing the happiest person he knows flip into... this.. for a split second he thought you were abstracting, that pit his stomach becoming colder for a second before he realizes whats going on. ive said this before as well, but jax is not the best comforter, in fact i think he might be one of the worst out of the main cast. but i think so far for the characters ive written for this post, he makes an effort to try to pull you up out of your hole. at least he lets you cry your feelings out, and he wont make you feel bad for doing so
RAGATHA:
stands there in shock like pomni, before immediately rushing to your side and tugging you away from a coat stand you were kicking and beating. hands on your shoulders she tries to snap you back to the present moment, trying to tell you that shes here. any feelings of the helplessness that she shares with the previous two characters is shoved down. this isnt about her, its about you. runs her fingers through your hair, if your digital body has any, and just. rocks you. when you finally calm down enough to be able to form clear words, she reassures you once more that shes here for you. the two of you stay in that position, holding onto one another for the entire night. i think it should be said, but for most of these theyre going to try to keep a closer eye on you and make it a point to ask you how youre feeling. ragatha especially.
KINGER:
it reminds him of queenie. the sight brings back so so so many terrible memories. for a second he doesnt even register that hes standing in the present, standing in your doorway. stuck and frozen for a solid minute before you finally notice him, and you hold each others gaze. finally, you crumble. what was the point of hiding your mounting anguish now that it was discovered by the one you care for most? at the sight of your crumpled form i think kinger would snap back, and rush to your side. he's pause, afraid that you would abstract like the queen, before forcing himself to push through that fear in the back of his mind. a moment where he is not fumbling with himself or shaking; be it because he wants to be there for you or perhaps he still holds some guilt aimed towards himself for not being able to save his old queen, he refuses to leave your side even if you tell him to leave. theres this caution in his actions, mixed with this sort of determination to make sure you're okay. like ragatha, he would make it a point to make sure you're okay long after this incident
ZOOBLE:
zooble would probably be the only one who doesnt make their presence known to you while you're in that state. not because they wont care about you, in fact they care about you a lot. but theyre so unsure of what to do, that they give to you what they would have wanted for themselves, if they were in your shoes. they want to grant you privacy, and to at least keep a shred of the now ruined façade you had been putting on for everyone. if it means keeping it will give you comfort, then they wont take that away from you. they wait outside your door, waiting for the height of your episode to pass before cracking the door open. they dont say anything about what they had just heard, but you seem to know that they know.. i mean they came in so soon after you had calmed yourself down enough.
"are you okay?" a dumb question, but what else was there for them to say? you so obviously werent okay, and you likely werent for a long time. they offer to leave, to give you some time to pick yourself back up, but they also make it clear that they wont go anywhere if you dont want to be alone. the night is tense and awkward, filled with conversation before they eventually broach the topic... i think you guys would develop some sort of secret code. i mean youve been hiding your true feelings for so long, and outwardly saying you need help would compromise that mask you put up for yourself. be it a certain sentence or arrangement of objects, you two come up with a indirect way of asking for security
GANGLE:
she feels so helpless, the most out of everyone. she tries to get your attention, but her words fall on deaf ears, if they even manage to pry themselves out of her mouth. far too weak to pull you away and keep you from hurting yourself, but too soft spoken to bark out a word to draw your attention to her. truly, she feels useless. she isnt able to capture your attention until you finally notice her. similar to kingers part, you fall. she takes an unsure step towards you, hands half raised in front of her as she debates if you want to be touched or not. she settles to sitting in front of you, just barely holding eye contact... she looks down when you tear your eyes away from her. finally finding her voice, i think she would ask if you want her to stay, or if you need anything. she tries to word it the best she can, but she lets you know that she doesnt think any less of you for your outburst. it happens to the best of us, really it does. if you want her too, she wraps herself around you and tries to soothe your shaking form
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ronkeyroo · 8 months
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A positive Update
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Friends, kind folk - Hello Again 🤍
Ever since my last update post, I've been thinking about it , a lot ;; I knew I needed time to cook and reflect, and im so glad I gave myself that...
2024 started rough for me; I fell severely ill again - I was too busy cursing my life and dwelling over how betrayed I felt by things still not getting better despite my efforts that I didn't realize I was walking into a self fulfilling prophecy. Its true that the struggles I'm going through are yet to be solved, that its gotten so much to the point giving up seemed easier, and that a couple individuals haven't been making it easier on me either; I swayed and i rattled and I steered within feelings ranging from confusion to anger to dismay and all of this back and forth did nothing but remind me of yet another self-destructive loop I just don't want to allow in my life anymore. Its exactly the kinda stuff that made me ill to begin with, and I've been so lost dealing with everything in between that i forgot to tend to the actual core centering all of this...
It grew unbearable how much emotional and physical turmoil I was pushing myself into, and knowing how intertwined these two elements have been; I had to draw a line before i majorly screwed myself over, gathering any bit of inner will to discipline myself back into some sort of clarity, enough to at least look through a lens OUTSIDE my pain for once, towards the kind of life I want to lead, and the kind of life I don't; and I came to an understanding.
From my physical state to my mental, to the people and memories I've experienced, both the good and the bad - I want to prioritize the good.
Not in a shitty ass, toxic optimism kinda way but in a "I want to prioritize knowing and living the possibility that even when it hurts, even when i want to be gone, even when life doesn't align - There's still every good reason in the world to keep moving forward, to face things from a perspective of growth & compassion, and to grow to love the promise of a better tomorrow even when today was unbearable." To know that I don't end or begin in my suffering, that the infinite potential I speak so fondly of applies to me, as well...
I want to be able to wield and create and share that goodness, too, Especially when it is already in decline...And for all gods sake, to internalize that all of this STILL exists and STILL matters even when it doesn't work the first couple or dozens of times.
As for my place here in Tumblr...I know the sentiment might feel silly to some but the experiences, memories, and connections I've made here have truly been such a significant force in my life, and i don't want to give up on that ;; Not because of my own insecurities, or an inner state of hopelessness, and especially not over a bunch of emotionally immature Anons that dont know how to handle themselves; I want to forgive all of that.
I'm stubborn, and there's an unyielding force within me that no matter how many times it is struck down, it proved itself ridiculously resilient. I'm perking up with with a fiery confidence realizing just how many times it rose back up, enough to realize it is an unchangeable part of me ;_; I shouldn't underestimate that force, and I want to keep living by its side. Whatever positive change I can sprinkle onto my life and the lives of those I care for, I will! And the reason why this space in particular is so important to me, is because so much of that already exists here, alongside you folks;
THAT'S the kind of energy i want to nourish and walk into the new year with! I want to continue growing as a person, challenging my inner turmoils, undoing the self punishing dogmas that still haunt me, stop flexing my teeth over things that don't deserve my time and god DAMN, just - indulge in the stuff that makes me happy, even when I'm going through unhappy times.
So yeah...I guess that means, I'm back & I'm staying ;_;)���
I know i may seem like a broken record when it comes to expressing gratitude but - Thank you, thank you thank you everyone who have reached out for me, who so fondly kept me in their thoughts and kept encouraging me whenever i was hurting, both then and now...You folks mean more than whatever ailment or struggle I can go through, and while I'm unsure of how the future will look like as I'm still going through various challenges- I couldn't have asked for a cooler, sweeter audience to have by my side whenever Its time to take a rest or hype over our sexy delicious blorbos!
Speaking of which....................I have been cooking quite a lot of things in the time i was away 👀✨ I most definitely intend to serve them, eheheh
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lace-coffin · 5 months
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Hey!! Nice your back could i request a asa emory/collector with a reader that loves to bite or suckle on like everything even him but in a loving way if that is not weird and not requested before but if it has can you just do some asa sleeping headcannons i dont want to pressure you for both since your just back😭
Hi thanks for the request! I have actually covered that idea here so I’ll just link it for you here!
I’ll be using your sleeping headcanons request for this post! Hope that’s okieee < 3 mwah mwah for being so sweet and considerate with me ilyyy
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Asa Emory sleeping headcanons
Doesn’t sleep much - He doesn’t get a lot of good restful sleep, between lecturing at the university and keeping things afloat at the hotel he doesn’t exactly have enough hours in the day to sleep well. He can occasionally be rangled into your shared bed in the early hours of the morning if you annoy him enough about it, he can never say no to you in the end, not that you give him much of a choice.
Light sleeper- due to having to be on his feet and alert incase anything goes wrong at the hotel I think he would be a light sleeper, god forbid one of the dogs whines or barks in its sleep, Asa will be sat up pin straight in the bed, only to realise what was making the noise and glare groggily at the offending pup before going back to sleep.
Snoring- on the rare occasion he gets some good REM sleep I think this mf snores like a bear, if you’re sensitive to noise defiantly get some headphones or earplugs. If you tease him about it the next day he’ll apologise with a flushed face.
Position- I think Asa’s a on the back type of guy, the time he gets to bed he’s just slinging himself in there out of exhaustion and passing out, sighing as the cushy mattress takes the weight off his muscles. I don’t think he cares enough to scooch around into a different position, just happy to be in bed and ready to be knocked out.
However if you’re sleeping with him he may be willing to be the big spoon, curling around you protectively and sitting his chin on the gap between your neck and shoulder. Asa adores it when use his tummy as a pillow, extra points if you run your fingers through the dark hair between his belly button and waistline, he could sit for days and let you pet his soft round tummy.
Pets- pets are not allowed on the bed. Apart from you that is. Unfortunately Asa’s resolve is not very strong, especially with you begging to let them on and being given double puppy eyes from the dogs. Regardless of how much of a fight he puts up or how he talks about “it’s about knowing their place” the dogs will weasel their way up on the bed on way or another. Asa doesn’t need to know if you aided in that.
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thatdeadaquarius · 1 year
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-vine boom
I probably sent a lot of these now im so sorry lmfao 😅
You mentioned in one of the asks that some countries are like a prototype/based of our existing countries, like Germany=Mondstadt, Liyue=China, Inzauma=Japan....
So even though the language is more or less identical for you to make heads and tails in a conversation or writing in a book, the reverse side does not.
Creator!Reader who knows a couple of languages (plus points if they're atleast fluent or have a understanding of it despite not being able to speak said language) and being born from a country that doesnt have the same language as the countries Teyvat based off. Basically Spanish, Italian, Filipino, Scandinavian languages that also have their own way of writing.
Imagine feeling homesick and the only thing that keeps you occupied is the notebook and pen you have while the others converse in a meeting or in a hangout. You started writing in your tongue and re-reading it to relive memories.
Zhongli, AlHaitham, Albedo, Jean, maybe the Berry bros too (Diluc & Kaeya) get curious only to have a double-take and immediately thinks that maybe there is a forgotten land in Teyvat that has this language, I mean Morax stayed faithful to Liyue and Barbatos blessed his country with abundance of supplies and freedom. Teyvat gods and archons played favourites, so why wouldn't you as well? (Bonus: Khaenriah flashbacks) (also I know these arent enough characters but how should I know? I only have a handful of them and I ran out of Primos😭
The people from Akademiya though? I mean they went hard on theorizing and picking apart the language of their creator. Have you seen Matpat's descent to insanity the more FNAF continues to push out LoRe? Thats basically them because Teyvat doesn't have a country based on Creator's birth country. They're grasping nothing but air and dead ends and the only lead they have is you, but couldnt ask because you look so down and they cant bear to see Creator sad....
(NEW BANNER TOMORROW AND I DONT HAVE ENOGH PRIMOGEMS HALP---)
Rip Vine boom no primos 🙏 hope u got some more by this time bc i was so late to reply lol - DUDE IM SO READY FOR THE GORG KAVEH <333
BERRY BROS!! Thats it, thats the only way im gonna refer to them now.
Not super long to add onto ur bc UR SO SMART AND SUCH A GOOD WRITER VINEBOOM U SHOULD ALSO WRITE STUFF SO I CAN GO OBSESS OVER UR WRITING WITH A MILLION FERAL COMMENTS-!!!
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(Cute owl house gif is like, metaphorially u and zhongli in this lol)
EDIT 8/23/23: So this may be inaccurate/not that good to my Hispanic Readers out there! Sorry about that, I'l make sure to do better in the future.
EDIT 1/1/24: Unfortunately there are even more issues here, and I'm really sorry about that. I expanded on it more in my Eldritch fanfic post in Part 2, but it was exoticism of me to use the word "Huangdi". I have since replaced it with "Emperor", and don't intend to just erase the mistake like it never happened. But I did change it in the headcanons for better readability. Again, I'm genuninely sorry about this, and will absolutely be watching out/doing better in the future. I hope you understand.
THIS SOUNDS SO SAD, LIKE THIS COULD DEF BE ANGST, ESP SINCE U HAVE NO FAMILIAR-ISH CULTURE TO TURN TO-
tbh im american and i def dont think theres a u.s. country- oh god at least I hope not, damn but im also familiar with mexican culture so i wouldnt miss the united states, but id miss mexican culture…
BUT!!
You have a lot of amazing people who care about you in Teyvat, so they won’t let you stew in ur homesickness for long
like random said, i could see it being small stuff
ok so imma just-
LATINO! READER TIME BABBYYYYY
(i do this bc its just the culture/language im more familiar with, but dont let that discourage anyone from requesting other cultures! I will def do my research, or ur welcome to tell me all about it so i can write it better! <3)
THAT BEING SAID IM MOSTLY WHITE PLS LMK IF SHIT IS WRONG/SPANISH IS WRONG BC IM STILL A BEGINNER MY BELOVED LATINES!
<3 YOU GUYS
you’ve been in the game-turned-life world of Genshin Impact for nearly 6 months now, turns out time isnt wonky as hell like it is if you were playing the game, half bc u bribed Albedo with answers to his many questions about you if he figured out the time difference, and half bc of ur internal clock
people would notice the cuss words first lmao
like Xiao hearing u stubbing ur toe on the million and one steps up to Wangshu Inn, hijueputa!
or Keqing pointing out the words you coo at the dogs hanging out by the bridge outside the harbor,
un perrito tan buenoooo!! :’)
while most would just, " hmm, maybe a dialect of one of the other countries we havent heard…"
but Zhongli? he’s been ready for centuries in case the prophecy came true within his lifetime, afterall, many things changed while he’s been alive, not crazy to him that you might descend randomly
While everyone else was unprepared, bc u were like… the oldest deity, more legend than history, so ppl just thought Morax was a little overly faithful …so when it actually happened,, Morax was just smirking as he watched ur golden shooting star streak the night sky… while absolute pandemonium consumed the mortals and adepti in liyue lmao
(like that scene of Regina George in Mean Girls watching the student body break out into an all out brawl just smirking 😭 pls god look it up if u dont know what i mean- )
So Morax- Zhongli, has been ready for you, just in case, to pay attention to what kind of person you’d be, learn your favorite clothes/colors/offerings, see what things you’d like to talk about with him (hopefully for hours) etc.
He was observant, and with his memory, he practically gave himself headaches sometimes with how aware he was,
on one of those days he was overwhelmed by the mortal crowds, the smells, the market yelling, and all the change from what he thought he knew-
Zhongli noticed you in your own melancholy, and curious, he began to stroll just behind
You sit at Wanmin restaurant, still somber, and ask Xiangling to
“please try out these recipes? they’re from my world, and id really love to have something like them again..”
a true experimental chef as always, Xiangling quickly takes up your offer, and u follow her into the kitchens in the back (the restaurant is much more real than in game, they have gorgeous inside seating, all shades of red coloring the walls and lots of pretty latticework-)
Zhongli takes a seat finally, he has a usual table at this point he comes in so much coughtorunintoyoucough the staff know it's his and give him tea pretty quickly
the food, and the looks, makes it your favorite restaurant in Liyue, the Liuli Pavilion a little too fancy for casual dining, afterall, Zhongli would know
He’s tried to keep track of your favorite places to be in Liyue too, and kept his near full attention on what you say when he asks after your stays in Liyue (he hasn’t felt the need to pay that much attention or felt that much interest in conversation partners in… decades?)
So when you come out of the kitchen, throwing your head back and laughing, "Sí, sí! It all tastes so close Xiangling! Gracias, thank you!"
He wants… to know.
to know what those strange, but delicious looking, foods are all balanced on two big dinner plates
Xiangling carrying whatever you couldn’t just behind, a pitcher of white liquid, it smells, like cinnamon?
He raises a hand, and offers the extra seats at his table, (when did his tea go cold? he only just sat down, he couldn’t have spent that long thinking about you…)
You notice and look over, a giddy grin lighting up your face (…hmm, perhaps he needs to transform into his Exuvia form and let off some steam, his chest has warmed too much right now for him to just be sitting here…)
You plop into the seat beside him, but not before carefully placing the plates in front of both you and Zhongli
You scootch around until you’re turned towards him, as always, Zhongli looks… actually kind of, happy?
a small soft smile pulls at his lips, his eyes half-lidded as they meet yours, his usual red eyeliner framing his monolids perfectly, he looks like he’s been,, well, sculpted from stone, an artwork come to life
“…My Emperor? Could I trouble you to tell me about the dishes before us?”
the geo god’s pleasantly smooth and deep voice felt so soft asking you that, like he didn’t want to push you one direction or the other
“Oh! Right! Sorry, these are from my home country, back in my world, or at least, as close as Xiangling and I can get to them!”
Your smile brightens your face once more, clearing away any leftover stormclouds from your mood earlier, and as you launch into explaining (Xiangling had to get back to orders, so it’s just you two now)
You list it all, the quintessential: quesadillas, empanadas, tamales, chorizo (you had to combine at least 5 different spices to Mondstadt sausages to get anywhere close to the real thing) the dips obviously, salsa, queso, guacamole, and the easy street tacos, and finally the horchata, but also all the weird fruits Teyvat has with chile, like Sunsettias mixed with Harra from Sumeru or Lavender melons with Wolfhook berries… all surpringly pretty good
(the Sun-Harra combo tastes like mango, a sort of deeper taste of pineapple/kiwi and a sort of light orange taste? all with the nice addition of chile flavors, the Lavender melons and Wolfhooks helped imitate chamoy enough that your heart was satisfied)
…you realize you’ve just been talking about the last meal you had with your family/friends instead of the food after a bit, and Zhongli hasn’t said anything…
you trail off and look back over your shoulder (u were practically about to get your shirt in the imitation guac u were leaning so far over the table to point and talk)
you’re about to sheepishly apologize for taking over the conversation, and ask if he wants to try anything (Zhongli can handle spice so u dont have to worry abt that at least)
but as u finally see his face, u just stop, and dont end up saying anything
He’s just, looking at you.
his smile's not huge, but big enough to make his eyes look happy, and Zhongli’s just… looking at you.
You can’t describe the look he’s giving you, but you suddenly feel… a wave of shyness wash over your heart in your chest, because he’s looking almost like, maybe like, he’s sort of, waiting for you to keep talking, his tan skin warm in the golden rays of the sun beginning to set, you don’t know why you’re noticing any of these things, and he gently, slowly, makes a move to lean into your space a little
almost above your armrest, head inches from your shoulder, he finally moves to stop looking at you-
He looks like a painting as he looks down, his eyelashes almost sitting on his high cheekbones,
you have to move your head to looking at the table too as he moved so close,
you feel your shoulders reflexitively hitch upwards as you brushed the hair on the side of his head as you turned away
He looks around, and then moves his head, not his body, he’s still leaning toward you, to look you right in the eyes again
“Why did you stop? I haven’t said much, I apologize, but it’s only because I wanted to hear you without anything interrupting you.”
You cough a little strained, “Oh! Oh I get it now yeah, thanks-”
“I want to hear you more,” his black eyes begin to warm with gold, you can vaguely see the shape of his diamond pupil revealing itself, “I want to hear about… everything, if you’ll tell me? The language, the food, the drinks, your family, your dances, your country, I want to hear it all. Won’t you please let me hear your voice some more?”
GOOOD LOOORDDDD, ITS SO LONGGGGG IM SO SORRRYYY 😭😭
OKAY IM MOSTLY SORRY THAT THIS SCENARIO HAPPENED??? IDK WHERE ZHONGLI CAME FROM- GOD IM SUBCONCIOUSLY IN LOVE WITH THAT MAN I GUESS, SORRY RANDOMANTICS-
uh, hope somebody got anything out of this, sorry abt the length, again,
also pls somebody tell me if what i said about culture/food was alright! If not I’ll def change it, pls dont let me keep it up if its inaccurate/wrong!!
Safe Travels you guys,
💀♒️
.°•.☆.•°.
♡ the beloveds ♡
@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk
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olvitier · 7 months
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Sorry its so late buf i am in an Edling mood tonight and I will never stop thinking about the idea of how theyre the epitome of right person wrong time.
(obviously in a context of like fandom shenannigans where canon events arent 100% set in stone like edling arent canon but also idc !! they are to me! im ignoring it let me be insane) ANYWAY
Even if they wanted to be together post promised day Ling has all the responsibilities of Xing and his clan and Edward would never hold him back from that for a second. Im of the opinion that brotherhood Edward feels a lot of guilt for wanting love from the people around him particularly those he sees as good (winry, alphonse, etc) especially if hes done things hes perceived as hurting them (maes’ death, the transmutation, etc etc). Which is why I think Edward connects with Ling so well cayse he doesnt carry the weight of a lot if his past mistakes, and then when the stone happens its like goddamn it i roped this guy into my shit again. Like i dont know Edward doesnt really dedicate himself so fully to people outside of winry and ed a lot so its interesting like!!
He cares about a lot of people like the majority of the allied cast and we see him be openly affectionate towards Nina and Hughes pre their deaths but I think Ling is the only person hes ever decided to stick with WITHOUT alphonse? I may be wrong but the whole sure Ill stay with you and trust my brother and Winry to stay safe and follow you around the outskirts of the east for a week till the promised day to protect my new friend is so??? what?? huh???
But anyone my point is post promised day Edward cant really ever see a future with Ling because of all the responsibility Ling holds outside of him and its veyr tragic imo like especially because in a different scenario if Ling didnt have those responsibilities and Edward wasn’t so dedicated to the people around him to a fault of never thinking about his own desires I think they could have the possibility of a future.
Like I have read a lot of fanfiction abiut Ed traveling to Xing and living with him there but?? I realistically cant see him ever doing that just solely because Edward is not the type of person to settle down! like its my one and only criticism of the fma manga is that I cannot see Edward ever being satisfied with a simple life? Like even in Fma 03 which is my favourite interpretation of Edwards character once he gets stranded in our world he learns?? Rocket Science?? For the chance to get back to Amestris but he doesnt really seem to take that goal all that seriously especially considered Alfons ends up getting involved in a lot more aircraft projects than Edward like Edwsrd genuinely enjoys learning!!
Im pretty sure he was the one who dragged Alphonse into Hoenhiems office when they were kids after he left, probably to Al’s reluctance of if they were allowed in there, and started ripping through all of his old books just to learn. Edward never stops and it gets so bad that he never stops to even consider himself constantly worrying about getting his brother back or improving the states of others lives especially when! ya know! the whole country is at stake!!
So in a circumstance post promised day where Ed decides what he wants to do (my personal favourite interpretation is either an alchemical researcher outside of directly performing alchemy, ie revolutionizing the circle matrixes and discovering nee combinations or becoming a professor of some kind) I dont think he would give that up to settle again. And obviously Ling cant exactly up and leave being Emperor unless he decides he doesnt want to, im not the most knowledgable on Lings characterization so I wont speak there but!
They have so much fun together and compliment each other and genuinely care about each other so much but their happiness and fulfillment as people to themselves and others make it so its nearly impossible they would ever realistically end up together and its really doomed and tragic!! idk i think about it a lot.
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risetherivermoon · 22 days
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taking a small break from dndads stuff for now, just because this stuff is kinda stressing me out, we'll see if i come back to it but atm i just need to separate myself from this,
i hope anyone else who was hurt by everything is doing well, but ive had a lot of issues with stuff going on in this fandom lately and at this point i just need to leave it alone
im putting pauses on any fics ive been working on, and dndads art reqs, if i come back to it i may finish those but for now i think i need to focus on my life outside of the fandom.
whether or not beths intentions were to fakeclaim the op on twt, or if it was just her saying she thought the tweet was them lying about the specific scenario, i still dont think she had any right to comment on someone else's issues and/or experiences, it was still harmful because of how it was interpreted, especially with the history of fakeclaimers and harassment surrounding did/osdd online (just saying this bc i saw some people saying that maybe that wasn't what she meant, which i dont think matters when it comes to this)
i dont care whether or not you forgive her, personally i need time to think. i dont think beth is a bad person, i think shes made a mistake thats hurt people and its good to see she quickly apologized for what she did. but i wont judge someone for doing something like not supporting her anymore or the show in general, youre entitled to your own opinion on the matter, do what makes you comfortable
though if you are someone unaffected by this (aka a singlet) i think you may want to do some thinking, especially before you decide to make a comment on this as it doesn't regard you. be respectful and listen to the systems around you,
thats the last thing im going to say on this topic, but i thought it would be good to make a follow up post to my initial statement on the situation
p.s. other did and osdd systems, i love you and you are valid!!
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emmitaaa4 · 8 months
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Minor HOFAS spoilers ig?
The Walmart bonus chapter just leaked and good lord some people need to be for real. I'm so tired of people picking and choosing evidence.
So you're telling me that *gasp* Azriel's shadows seem to dance when he hums?? they react to sound/music?? no way. people from all sides of the fandom have been saying that for years (and use it for different arguments), and looks like ppl are still tying anything they can to feed their ship--which is fine but at least make it somewhat accurate.
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The above is the last page of the Az/Bryce/Nesta chapter, and just as a refresher, this is the oh-so controversial phrases from the Az bonus chapter:
"(...) one of his shadows went out to dance with it (gwyn's breath) before twirling back to him. like it heard some silent music." and "(...) he could have sworn a faint, beautiful singing followed him. could have sworn his shadows sang in answer."
I'm confused, which is it? Was the shadow's reaction to her breath & the singing he heard all metaphorical, thereby hinting at a mating bond between gwyn & az (as in "music between souls")? Or was it rather azriel's shadows reacting to a literal sound coming from someone who has arguably been hinted at having some voice/song-related abilities? Because if it is the first, then this new HOFAS excerpt is completely unrelated. Well unless Azriel has a mating bond with himself? pleaseee make it make sense I beg. And if the second is true, it would mean that for someone to be able of making his shadows dance, they'd have to have similar powers as him... its just gonna fuel the lightsinger theories (which btw approx 5 ppl are saying means that gWyn is eViL) so this literally changes nothing. nada. absolument rien.
Oh also.
"He says no partner right now, aka NO FUCKING ELRIEL. ELRIEL IS DEAD." (no hate to whoever posted that btw)
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He literally rushes out that answer. Idk about you guys but to me the poor man still seems internally dead over the whole mate existential crisis, which as far as we know was left with him wondering "what if the cauldron was wrong". Sidenote but if I understood correctly, this all happens 2-3 months post acosf and Bryce spends ±5 days in Prythian, so it is very likely that it is all set during Acotar 5, and that the events of HOFAS in general are happening while Az is separated from the other MC (ie. the acotar5 FMC).
Regardless of all I just said, I am going to ask people once again to be for real. cause this whole chapter Azriel keeps glaring at Nes when she is about to reveal too much info, so WHY would he be mentioning Elain (or literally anyone he cares about) to someone who he is said to be highly suspicious of? make it make sense x2
Almost forgot. Last thing.
"Azriel said that Nesta killed the King! He didn't credit Elain!"
... no? for context, this is what Az said:
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See my second point above. He told Bryce exactly what Nes did, and nothing more: she beheaded Hybern. We could speculate about what his look at Truthteller made him think of... but tbh I'll leave it to someone else cause perso I dont really see the point.
I am getting tired guys... guess who finally understands what "fandom fatigue" is.
-----quick edit-----
I don't mean to sound hypocritical by tagging ships, cause tbh i dont even wanna put acotar ship tags to this, mais bon c'est la vie et j'en peux plus. this fandom is kind of a mess. Goodnight loves ♡
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meiiuka · 1 year
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hii!! i rlly love ur posts and i wanted to ask,
could you write fuyuhiko, ishimaru, and shuichi with a reader who ends up in the hospital alot?
if you cant/dont want to, just ignore this post! no hard feelings lol ^^ anyway, have a good day!!!
hi!! i’m so happy to hear you like my posts, it means a lot to me <3
fuyuhiko, ishimaru, and shuichi with an s/o who ends up in the hospital often:
category: headcanons, x reader, comfort, fluff
Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu:
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• he just wants to protect you and make you feel more safe so he holds you closely when you’re feeling sick or anxious
• whenever you end up in the hospital, he gets really anxious and can become desperate for answers
• during your stay there, consider him your guardian angel bc he will not leave your side even if you insist
• he checks on you veryyy often. and he tries to be unobvious about it sometimes but 😭 he cares so much he can’t hide it
• “i don’t care what it takes to make sure you’re okay, i would go to the ends of the goddamn earth for you, got that?”
• he’s super stubborn and needs to make sure you’re okay, so he waits in the hospital room with you
• and if he can’t? he will wait outside in the parking lot until he can
• he’s argues with the staff about letting him in so he can check on you,, sometimes it actually works
• he kisses your forehead when you fall asleep because he wants to make you sleep well
• “i love you. squeeze my hand if you’re in pain, i can take it.”
Kiyotaka Ishimaru:
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• he’s alert to any signs of illness or discomfort and has learned your signals overtime
• “y/n, i do worry there may be something wrong! are you feeling ok? should i get you a water? medicine?”
• he needs to be near you in case something happens. he loves you and wants to be prepared if anything occurred
• if you end up in the hospital, it never gets less scary for him
• even if its routine, he still can’t mask his anxiety behind potentially losing the love of his life
• “i felt too worried about you to sleep properly last night… would it be okay if i asked to stay in your hospital room overnight?”
• if this means he has to sleep on the floor, so be it, he will
• he tries to avoid smothering you but tends to be really physically clingy, just in fear you may feel alone
• “my love, tell me how you are. i want to listen to your fears and pain… i’d never move an inch if you asked me to! i’m right here.”
• he takes you out on lots of dates once you’re discharged, making sure you handle yourself carefully when you go outside again
Shuichi Saihara:
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• he tries to come to your door every day and texts your phone if he knows he isn’t going to be able to see you irl
• “hey… y/n, are you feeling ok today? i was worried about you last night, i couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
• he doesn’t want you to worry about him worrying, he just wants you to feel that he cares
• and he definitely does. a whole lot more than he could even express to you
• when you end up in the hospital he’s the first to show up. how did he even know you were there?
• “i just… felt like something was off. gut feeling… and i needed to see the scene.”
• he loves writing little cards and sending lots of flowers and surprises to you when you’re in the hospital— every single time no matter how many
• “oh these? yeah, some are from your family and friends, but these ones are from me.”
• and he points to a neat stack of wrapped presents and cards
• he massages your scalp and leans over to kiss your lips and hand while you lay down
• “i love you so, so much. i could never lose you, i just want you to be safe and… comfortable. i’ll hold your hand right here.”
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