#i don't want to come off as naive though because i know how awful people can be. i just. idk. been having thoughts

[politemagic]

sometimes i feel like i love a little too easily. not in the romantic sense, but just in general. the threshold to attain my love is incredibly low, i have a heart that's primed for love. i love my partner. i love my parents. i love my best friend. i love the friends i haven't spoken to in ages. i love my co-worker who brought her dog into the office on christmas eve even though she was off because she wanted to make me smile. i love the employee at dunkin who remembers my coffee order. i love the greeter at our local walmart who wears bright pink butterfly clips in her hair. i love the girl in the car next to me enthusiastically pointing at my dog to her friend in the passenger seat. i love random the tumblr user who reblogs my post with funny or kind tags. i love the mutual whom i hardly ever actually speak to but we tag each other in tag games/send asks/etc. i believe humans are inherently lovable.

i have been loved too well in my life to not love others, and while sometimes that love can be taken advantage of, at the end of the day the saying is true: it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. so i'll continue to love as i feel it, to express that love even if sometimes it isn't reciprocated, because i think it's beautiful thing to love other people, even if only in little bits.

[jangofettjamz]

Unlovable Child

Jenna Ortega x Autistic!Male!Reader

Warnings: Child abuse

2nd Person POV

"I'm going out of town for a week to see my parents" you tell Jenna. The two of you were snuggled up together on the couch, binge watching The Mandalorian on Disney+.

"Oh, do you want some company?" Jenna offered to which you shook your head no. Your parents wasn't exactly the gold standard when it comes to parenting, in fact they'd probably win an award as being one of the worst.

You've never discussed your parents with Jenna because of this, not wanting her to be involved with them due to their toxic nature. You feared that exposing them to her would only cause more trouble than its worth.

"You sure you don't want me to come with? I can--"

"No no you really don't have to" you said, cutting her off a little too quickly to go unnoticed. She gave you a look of suspicion, knowing there was likely some underlying tension between your parents and you.

You tried to put her at ease "I-I mean... they haven't seen me for a while... I wouldn't want to overwhelm them by introducing you to them... y'know given your fame and all. No offence"

Your stuttering and lack of a believable reason wasn't enough to ease Jenna's growing concern for you, but she smiled anyway, which in turn made you smile. You knew she wasn't convinced.

She pulled you in closer, making sure you were nestled into her chest. She had a feeling deep down that you were keeping something from; something terrible. Anxiousness flooded her nervous system, making her rethink about letting you go.

Her heartbeat quickened because of this, something you caught by having your head on her chest. "Jenna? Are you okay?" You asked.

She looked at you and smiled to put you at ease "Everything's fine, sweet boy. Everything's okay." She reassured, kissing your forehead to ease your worries.

But it wasn't her you were worried about, it was meeting your parents for the first time in years. The last time you spoke to your parents was 2 years prior, just before you moved out for your new job, just before you met Jenna for the first time. It didn't exactly end on the greatest of terms.

You parents were vile; abelists who took pleasure in calling you the most horrid of insults for their own sick pleasure. It made them feel better about themselves, like they were superior. They were never proud of you, even though your academics should make them so. They could never be proud of someone like you, someone who was autistic.

Of course, with many dysfunctional households come with their fair share of physical abuse, which in your case was fairly common place. The slightest of mistakes ended in severe punishment, that being knocking a drink over, talking to loudly .etc.

You were deemed a failure in the eyes of your parents despite everything you've accomplished in school, your well paying job; it meant nothing. You were never good enough for them. You were simply too much of a "spaz" to love. You were nothing to them, only when money was an issue were you of any use.

You held Jenna a little tighter just think about this. Painful memories from your past flashed through your mind, reminding you of the awful people they were.

But you maybe they had changed, maybe they realised the error of their ways, you naively thought to yourself, only setting yourself up for a meeting that would inevitably send you crashing down.

But you had to believe. "They have changed. Of course they changed, they only said and did all that stuff to make me into the man I am today. They love me. Don't they?"

- 1 day later

Jenna was on the phone with her director discussing filming dates. She was currently working multiple films at once and needed to negotiate dates so that it wouldn't impede on her schedule.

You always admired how she could do so many films at once, though, you wished she would take a break sometimes as it can tire her out.

Jenna's phone call was immediately interrupted by the sound of the door opening revealing your figure. "Mark I'm gonna have to call you back" she hangs up the phone, confused as to why you were back 6 days earlier than anticipated.

You were wearing sunglasses, unusual considering the weather outside was quite gloomy. Perhaps you just felt like wearing them, she thought to herself.

"Hi, baby boy." She kisses your cheek, but noticed that it looked awfully red and... swollen? "You're back early. Did everything go okay down there?" Jenna asked to which you nodded with a smile, albeit a dishonest smile.

"Yeah everything went great, just gad to cut the trip short because they were busy and stuff. My parents are busy people after all" you say in a somewhat cheery tone. The swollen part of your face was pulsing, as though the nerve endings in your face had been set alight.

Jenna continued to examine your face, still finding it strange that you haven't taken off your shades yet. "Wait, he wasn't even wearing shades when he left. Why was he wearing them now?" She thought, trying to ascertain the situation.

She noticed your hands were shaking; odd considering you were always calm around her most of the time and it wasn't cold indoors because of the heating. One of your arms was holding your stomach too.

All this information, combined with the fact that your back 6 days ahead of schedule is enough to tell Jenna that something was very very wrong.

"Hey babe can you take off those glasses for me? I wanna see those pretty eyes of yours." She asked sweetly, forceful was not the right approach. You looked at her, trying to strum up a lame excuse not to oblige.

"No!" He exclaims, catching Jenna off guard. You quickly try to come up with a better excuse. "I mean i-it's really bright in here Jenna, my eyes are kinda tired from driving, y'know" you play off terribly, adding a smile to try and convince otherwise.

Jenna isn't buying it, you know this. She's too smart. "Y/N your face is bright red, and swollen" His smile quickly drops. "Your hands are shaking too, and I can see a cut behind your hair. You and I both know it isn't cold in here and that cut is recent too." She exhales sadly, turning her attention too your stomach "You're holding you're stomach babe, like you're in pain. What happened over there?"

You panic, you knew she wasn't an idiot but you can't bare to let her find out about your parents, about your past. It was too embarrassing, she'd surely leave you for not being man enough to fight back. That what your father had conditioned you to believe, that you weren't a real man because of your condition, that you were sub-human.

"I-I d-dont--" "let me see your eyes, my love" bowing your head in defeat, you allowed Jenna to remove your shades, the sight horrified her, sending shivers down to the deepest depths of her soul. She gasped, her hands covering her mouth as you she saw the damage.

A massive purple bruise covered your right eye, the eye itself was completely red. The area around the eye was completely swollen too. The left eye was also bruised, not as bad but still bruised nonetheless.

Anger bubbled within Jenna, the prospect of someone hurting her baby was sickening to her, she knoew this had to be your parent's doing. "They did this to you, didn't they"

"W-what no! They would never do this to me. My family love me, Jenna. They do" you tried convince her, you tried to convince yourself mostly. Tears pricked at your eyes, stinging even more due to the beating you took.

"Honey... why would they do this to you? What happened?" She asked gently with a tinge of sadness in her tone. You couldn't keep up with the lie any longer.

You took a deep breath. You wanted to tell her what happened, tell her about the desperation you felt when your father's belt connected with your back. How your mother held you down as he did it, beating and beating and beating you for being the spaz who disappointed his parents just by looking at him. She held your hands "It's okay. It's just me. Just Jenna"

A single tear fell down your cheek causing Jenna to wipe it away. "They wanted money..." you started, taking a deep breath before continuing "They wanted money that were apparently "owed" for not getting rid of me. I said no, and I'm sure you can imagine how they reacted to that. They beat me, Jenna. They both did. I couldn't stop them, I tried as hard as I could but they kept..." you sniffled, holding back what would have been a giant sob.

"They kept pummelling me with the belt, punching me in the stomach. Mom held me down and I couldn't anything. They said I was unlovable... I'm unlovable, Jenna!" He broke down completely, falling onto his knees. Your emotions that you'd been holding since you left your parents had escaped, the dull pain now fresh again.

Jenna lifted the back of your shirt to find the purple lashes that layed there, where your father had taken out his anger with the belt. She immediately held you, her own eyes tearing up at your broken state. You clung to her like a lifeline.

"Shhhh, its okay baby. You're safe now. You're safe with me again." He whales in anguish and pain, his sobs became louder as each one left his mouth.

"Jen it hurts" you said like a scared child, exactly what you were at your parent's house.

Upon hearing this Jenna decided it was best for you to lay down on your side to avoid laying on your lashed back. "Come on, honey let's lay you on the couch. Lay on your side for me, my sweet." You did as instructed.

She lifted up your top to see the bruises on your stomach, purple and still fresh. She was going to annihilate your parents, but that comes later. "I'm gonna go get an ice pack, then we're taking you to the hospital"

"No! No! Please no doctors!" You pleaded

She knelt down and stroked your hair to out you at ease as best she could "Shh shh shh, don't think about that now okay. Let me go get an ice pack for your stomach. I'll be right back." She left quickly for the ice, returning as quickly as she left.

She lifted up your shirt and let you get ready for the ice. "On three. One. Two. Three." She presses the ice to your abdomen, the cooling sensation soothed the pain little by little bringing you great relief. "Good boy baby, you being so brave for me" she cooed, kissing the top of his head.

She held the ice pack as you writhed in pain on the couch. Her free hand alternates between rubbing your arm and combing through your hair. She placed little kisses on your swollen cheek, not hurting at all when she did.

The recollection of events that played in your mind caused you to cry again. Jenna brought your head into her neck as she held you close, her skin absorbing most of the tears. "Oh baby, please don't cry. You're not unlovable. You're my very beautiful boy who I love so very very much. They don't deserve you."

You held onto her tight, thinking how lucky you were to have such a wonderful woman in your life. Your parents would've definitely said you didn't deserve her, and maybe you didn't. But that didn't detract from how much you loved her, and appreciated her.

"I love you, Y/N. I love you with every fibre of my being" hearing this made you smile out of pure gratitude and love.

"I love you too, Jenna" you say, voice still wobbly from crying. You pulled your head from the crook of her neck and the two of you just smile at each other, you took in the beauty of her face while Jenna gazed upon your battered one. She pulls you in for a gentle kiss, a long kiss that you desperately needed.

"Bubs we do need to get your tummy looked at. We'll call my mom to have a look at you, but we may need to go to the hospital if it's bad. We can do all that tomorrow though, just rest in my arms for now. Can you do that for me?" You nodded your head "I won't let them get away with this Y/N. Mark my words they're finished."

You'd never seen Jenna this angry, but it brought a strange sense of reassurance, like everything was going to be okay. "Can we watch a movie? I wanna take my mind off of this"

"Of course we can, bubs. What do you wanna watch? Empire strikes back?" She asked, knowing how much you loved that movie. You nodded making her smile and kiss you again.

She layed down next to you, inviting you to curl up next to her and lay your head on her chest. "You're not unlovable, flower. You're a very loveable and amazing person." You smile at her words, Jenna loved you very much and today was evidence of that.

She cradles your body in her arms, still feeling you tremble from everything that has happened. It would be a long road to you heal from this but she'd be with you the whole way there.

She gently rocks you while you watch the film, the sight of Darth Vader igniting your child-like love that Jenna adored.

"Hey bubs, promise you'll never think yourself as unlovable. Promise me that my love."

"I promise." You say, even though you still didn't fully believe it. Your parents words still hurt.

"Good boy. My special beautiful boy"

[snaillock]

your relationship with bllk men as mitski songs

(kaiser, sae, oliver)

my posting has been very slow recently so to celebrate mitskis new album (and to feed into my eternal obsession for her music and lyricism by combining it with another thing im way too obsessed with), i dug up this old ass draft and finished it instead of giving y’all an actual fic

tags: gn!reader, angst(it’s mitski duh), yeah basically no fluff/comfort in here, suggestive-ish in the oliver one, me being a dork and combining two big interests of mine

michael kaiser - i don’t smoke

So if you need to be mean Be mean to me I can take it and put it inside of me If your hands need to break More than trinkets in your room You can lean on my arm As you break my heart

his career can be a lot on his shoulders at times even with the cocky and arrogant facade he puts on for the performance of each match he plays. he has a tendency to keep it all in to bask in the glory of his luxurious life.

you understand. you know he’s currently too prideful to deal with his true feelings, especially all on his own. you just want to be there to know he isn’t alone and that he can be open with you. so you sit there, giving him a listening ear as he lashes out and releases every awful word in the book towards you when everything finally becomes too much for him to bear. you wouldn’t want him to have a very public meltdown when it happens so it’s better this way. you have remind yourself to take none of it to heart because he doesn’t mean those all harsh words. he just needed an outlet for those frustrations.

you also don’t want the weight and significance of his career to separate you two. you’re already so damn lucky to be with someone like him. you want to prove that you can handle it. you know you can. you’re sure you can help him figure this all out somehow. love just takes compassion and patience, that’s all it is. just taking it one step at a time.

it’s just compassion and patience. right?

Just don't leave me alone Wondering where you are I am stronger than you give me credit for

sae itoshi - i want you

You're coming back And it's the end of the world We're starting over and I love you darlin' And I am done, dear

he swears he will make time for you someday. sure those words have been promised over and over again like a broken record but he truly does love you. however you’re starting to wonder if mutual love is truly enough to keep you two going.

the truth is his life is currently too big and important for him to take any focus away from it. the last thing he needs is a distraction. all of which he has very clear multiple times, even along with his contrastingly hopeful promises. though his tone is quite neutral, never letting his emotions seep through as if he’s programmed to do so. meanwhile you have to desperately hold yours back to not seem like an idiot.

it’s never been easy to express how you feel in front of him. you desperately wish you could but the inconsistency of your relationship that’s barely holding up renders it pointless. this over and over/back and forth thing that’s going on between you two is exhausting. it only leaves you lost and confused. you begin to wonder if staying is even worth it at all. even with the speck of hope that it could eventually work out. even if you love him.

You're in the house And I am here in the car I just need a quiet place Where I can scream how I love you

oliver aiku - eric

You like control, well, I do too Take off my clothes and watch me move You can come closer, I'll let you hurt me how you choose

you deeply crave a loving and fulfilling connection with another but unfortunately the other you desire is him. a guy who’s born to be a player and only wants to fool around with multiple people.

you know getting attached would only cause you so much unnecessary pain but your naive heart couldn’t resist him. you know that he doesn’t see you for more than what you give him at night but you were still a fool to fall for him.

enough of a fool to fall for him knowing he’s not ready to settle for one person. you could see it from how you would lovingly gaze at him while he leers at someone else behind you. you would still give yourself up to him if you could, offering anything he wanted out of you.

despite better judgment, you stay with a pained and aching heart. constantly yearning for more.

But how long, how long can we play this way? I'm tired, I'm tired of not loving you My heart, my heart wants to hold you But I know, I know, I know the rules

taglist(lemme know if you wanna be added): @userwithlotsoftime @lucas2060

[starlight-bread-blog]

I Watched The First Two Episodes of Hazbin Hotel

Overall I wasn't bored. It's a fun show from the little I've seen. I have thoughts and notes I'd like to give so here's how this is gonna go:

🔵 Is for things I liked/would like to be expanded upon in the show's future.

🔴 Is for things I disliked ranging from nitpicks and just general critisisms.

Whenever something about Angel Dust's trauma I will come up, I'll mark "————" at the beginning & ending so you can avoid the topic if you'd like.

So let's dive right in!<3

🔴 I am so confused. This is narrarated by Charlie. And her goal is to redeem sinners so they can enter Heaven to save their lives. But she also knows that Heaven doesn't kill sinners to stop over-population, it's just plain evil. So, what are we doing here again?

🔴 This is the first time her relationship with her father is mentioned in the show. And it's done though a joke made by Alastor in a commercial he made. (Also, how would he know about Charlie's "daddy issues"? This isn't common knowledge as far as I know).

————

🔴 WHAT THE FUCK? I'M SORRY. WHAT THE FUCK? I hate being this negative in the beginning but WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I don't want to discuss this line any more than the shock I felt while hearing it. Next.

————

🔴 Everyone already talked about how the camera work is crap and I agree. But here's an idea: If they wanted to make something grandiose, why not make a classic musical number that's completely unrealistic, and then make the reality of Hell clash with it?

🔴 This scene could be cut off mostly entirely. The point here is to show how awful Adam is, and the second the talking's over, we get a better song that does just that.

🔵 At first I was gonna make this a critisism, but all it did was making me ask questions, which is good in a first episode. This has me wondering about the characterization of Heaven and how it came to be. I can accept them being a shitty bureaucracy who only appear good, but this is some Saturday Morning Cartoon villian stuff. I'm very curious about this.

🔵 Niffty couldn't say her lines and just stared at the camera and was completely unaware of the fact that she did a shitty job. How come? I wonder what they'll do with it.

🔴 This is edited. The scene didn't go like this. We cut from the hotel to the Vees before we see Alastor's counter-attack. They cut to a really long section of the episode, in the middle of something that could be dealt with in a second. I wasn't as invested as I could have been in the introduction of the Vees, because I kept waiting to come back to Alastor.

🔵 I'd like to know why Charlie is so naive. Optimistic? Yeah, makes sense. But naive? Now that's interesting to know. She clearly goes outside and sees how sinners aren't the safest people (ie Happy Day in Hell), so you think that spending eternity with them would get her acquainted with the culture and make her adjust her behaviors. But she's still looking at the guy who just tried to kill her and goes "Oh, hello again". I'm dying to know why she's like that.

————

🔵 I see where this is going<3 Despite it all, Angel Dust clearly still loves acting. So when he'll escape Val, he'll show his theatrical side by improvising and acting for Charlie<3

🔵 Despite Angel Dust not adoring the hotel, it's very much a safe place for him. A safe the Vees, from Valentino. Now, someone who worked for them just a second before getting discovered, is in. Can't wait to see more of this.

————

🔵 I liked the rivalry of Alastor and Vox. I liked how Vox is this perfect big shot, yet crumbles about Alastor when he's barely trying. Definitely a highlight.

To Summarize...

🔴 6 negatives 🔵 6 positives

I enjoyed myself a fair bit. Most of the negatives are either nitpicks or won't matter in five eps. It had some flaws but it's a start.

[jadeacereigen]

i also always felt like the fandom depicting reigen's childhood as abusive and neglectful never really quite fit. i know that most of it is probably just projection, and it's something i really understand because i've done it before with other characters.

i feel like there's a difference between giving a character trauma that makes sense when taking their canon self into account and giving a character trauma for other unrelated reasons, like comfort or even for fun, to be able to explore the scenarios that would come with it. both are very valid. let the people do what they want, y'know?

but something i feel like people tend to gloss over sometimes is that parents can fuck up when raising you and still not be outright shitty evil people. they can judge you on your career choices and still love you. your friends can make an off the cuff comment that ends up sticking with you in a bad way without realizing, people can suck at showing they care about you while still caring about you, they can be imperfect just as much as you are. it's their first time on this earth too. and it doesn't excuse the times they may have hurt you or made you feel bad about yourself, but it's up to you if you wanna keep them in your life. everyone can change, but that's also up to them.

it gives reigen an added charm [or should i say humanity?], to know that he is a flawed person and that it stems from the things that happened when he was younger, and the people that were in his life, and to know that things don't need to be catastrophic for them to affect and/or change you, whether good or bad. it's a good thing to remember i think. to know that there's so many greys between the white and black. that he has layers. his experiences are very valid.

anywho. sorry for the long ramble i just had to get this out there hehe.

ask game time!!!! 25, 9 and 22

Oh my god no don't apologize you're so right. I agree 100% so I'm gonna answer with my own long ramble.

(Discussions of child abuse below, though nothing that's not present in MP100 canon.)

Yes, it almost feels like people want to dismiss all flawed parenting and strained relationships between parent and child as abuse. There's certainly something very wrong with Reigen and his parents' relationship but I'm gonna be honest, I don't understand how people can find redemption in Toichiro who literally beat up his own son but then at the same time demonize Reigen's parents for the crime of disapproving his life as a CONMAN.

Yes, Reigen actually helps his clients and refuses to take money for things he cannot fix, but he's an incredibly special case and his parents are like most people who have no clue that the supernatural is even real. I personally think IRL psychics are full of shit and prey on the naive and emotionally vulnerable. If I had a kid who quit their normal job and spent all their savings to become a psychic I would not be happy with them! I would hope I wouldn't be as cold and that they wouldn't live in fear of my messages to them but I would definitely be encouraging them to stop that shit and get a "real job". To think that his parents should support his choices in life when he's pretending to be a psychic with no additional context is wild to me. (Also, I can't find the translation anymore but Reigen says in the fanbook that his mom thinks he's being tricked into doing his current job.) Again, they could go about this in a much better way but this disapproval does not inherently point to abuse.

(Sorry this rant got very long so everything else is below the cut.)

I think the biggest thing that points to Reigen's parents not being as awful as they are in fan content is that even after Reigen gets publicly exposed for being a con artist, his mom does tell him to learn his lesson from this but she also takes the time to prepare him an apology, tells him that he should come home (instead of telling him he's not welcome home/disowning him) and emphasizes that she's on his side. Maybe you could consider that the bare minimum of a decent parent but this to me just doesn't feel like she's the hateful abusive mother so often depicted. She could be warmer about it but she's obviously super concerned and wants Reigen to know she cares about him regardless of his actions.

(As for his dad, all we know is that he and Reigen don't talk to each other at all and that he thinks Reigen is unemployed. This relationship is definitely worse than Reigen and his mom's but there's little to go off of in terms of if his dad is a terrible parent or not. His mom seems to think he's worried about Reigen and that would definitely not surprise me.)

In terms of how Reigen feels about his parents, in the fanbook he acknowledges that there have been misunderstandings from both sides and that he'd like to talk things out with them and visit them more often. That's such a real thing lots of people can relate to and I'd love to see that get explored! I want to see Reigen patch things up with his parents! Maybe I'll write out my stupid fic idea for it idk.

I also don't want to stereotype but I am from an East Asian family myself and grew up surrounded by others so I feel like it's safe for me to say that Reigen's parents really remind me of your typical older generation of Asian parents. (Reigen was born in 1984 so his parents would definitely be of the boomer ilk, potentially even the Silent Generation if they had him on the older side.) Reigen also says in the fanbook that his parents are very serious people. Oftentimes with that older generation they just don't really show their care the way you'd normally see it. There may never be any "I love yous" but they'll cut you a plate of fruit without you asking or remember the show you liked 10 years ago and assume you're still into it...

Of course, parental norms in a culture don't justify hurtful parenting. (I mean just watch Everything Everywhere All At Once if you want to see the pain of having a disapproving Asian parent despite knowing they love you and just want what they think is best for you.) His mom fussing over his job and his lack of a girlfriend may be a super "Asian parent" thing, but it definitely hurts Reigen's feelings and she should cut that out. So yeah, Reigen's parents could do a lot better in terms of making Reigen feel supported and loved regardless if they approve of his life choices or not, but Reigen wants to patch things up with them for a reason and I'm hopeful that they can all reach a better understanding with each other.

One thing I also wish the anime showed was that Reigen's mom talks to him on the phone after Separation Arc! We see that in this omake:

Reigen definitely didn't tell his parents his phone number or his home address if his mom had to resort to emailing his business address just to talk to him. But I like to think that after Separation Arc he started letting his mom into his life a bit more...

God this was such a long rant, I'm sorry. One final thing before I get to your questions is that if we really need abusive parents to hate, Teru's non-present parents are ripe for the picking... Just saying.

(ask game)

I'm assuming you mean Reigen for all of these btw

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

Gosh I initially thought he was just a silly goofy character who could be annoying and pathetic at times, but I enjoyed his presence on-screen. Then he got deeper in the Season 1 finale and showed just how much he truly cared about Mob... That part definitely got me shook. He only got better and better from there and now he's one of my favorite characters in the story.

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

Jesus christ uh I definitely don't think he'd be a bad roommate and we'd probably get along just fine but I also think I'd annoy the shit out of him. I'm not the best at keeping my space neat and clean. Also the thought of meeting Reigen in person is actually terrifying... Reigen should never exist outside the world of fiction because his pure chaos would be too much for reality.

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

Hmm I answered what I don't like last time, but I do like fics that explore his relationship with Mob or Serizawa. I also like seeing him confront more of his personal issues and grow as a person even if he gets a little hurt in the process-

[erabu-san]

Okay, we can talk about how fluffy and wholesome cylou is AAALLL day. Which it totally is! It's definitely cute, and I think they have a lot of fluffy wholesomeness potential :)

But, they also have SO much potential for angst...👀

Just a hypothetical idea- but Cyno states that being associated with him already puts you in danger due to his title (I think during his story quest?? I'm not sure, but I definitely remember him saying this). And yeah, although Cyno is incredibly intimidating, there are gonna be people who try and get him anyway.

I think this is why Cyno would want his relationship with Nilou to be private. For comfortability, but also to keep Nilou safe. However, what if somehow their relationship gets leaked to a sketchy group of people👁️👁️ a group of people who have beef with the General Mahamatra for whatever reason

So they decide to exploit their relationship, and pretty much kidnap Nilou (I don't think it would be that hard tbh....I adore Nilou with all my heart, but she's not all the way there💀 she's noy stupid or anything, maybe a bit airheaded and naive?)

Cyno finds out, and he's pissed, but he's also terrified. For the first time, he's scared of what may happen because Nilou is involved. What if they hurt her?? What if they've done awful things to her?? Do they plan on doing anything to her?? Have they already hurt her?? Is it....is it his fault??

Cyno finds them, and the group didn't really think this through because when he finds them there is a look of pure rage on his face. He manages to take care of them, and Nilou ends up okay(maybe a few scratches) though she's a bit shaken. But she had trust that Cyno would come and save her, even if she was scared. Before Nilou can say or do anything, Cyno pulls her into a tight embrace, so tight that it could suffocate her. All while mumbling "I'm sorry" over and over.

And after that, Cyno decides that in order to keep Nilou safe, they need to break off their relationship. Even if it hurts him. Because it would hurt him more if Nilou got hurt because of him :(

This is all very much hypothetical lol, as I like to add a bit of drama to my ships🤭

Sorry if this doesn't match up with some of your hcs, I just really wanted to tell somebody🫠

Anyway, what do you think Erabu??

I am not a big fan of demoiselle in distress waiting for her prince to save her trope kskskss but yeah she is airheaded ! She might be not strong be she knows how to use a sword And. I believe she is pretty adventurous ! (When she was so hype to break law when Alhaitham share with her the plan against akademiya kskdsfdsdf) Cyno would like to break up for protecting Nilou, and this is when she start to be mad against him for the first time "Cyno, I am not weak !" before continuing the discussion with a smile, reassuring her man. "It is true, I was so scared. But Cyno, I am more scared to not being able staying with you. I know what is the best for me" or something like this ckvdkv "I will leave, only if it your true wish.." saying this with a bittersweet smile

[opinated-user]

https:/ / archive. ph/ svv67

archive for lily telling britt to unalive herself.

thank you, anon! you're a real one!

reading through this, i have no doubt in my mind that LO send that to herself just to have an excuse to try to one up Brittany... even though Brittany has her own blog to do that on her own space. which brings the question, LO, if you have anything specific to say about anything we claim, what exactly is stopping you from just screenshotting those pots and respond to them directly instead of this weird "anon brought me this thing you say and therefore i get to rant about it while pretending i had nothing to do with how this information came to me" you do? just about in general, you comes off less trustworthy because of this because nobody is actually seeing what you're reacting to. you can make all the angry anons you want. doesn't mean that people are going to actually believe that is Brittany. anyway, there are some point in the response of LO that i want to talk about for a second.

so, sincerely speaking? from my bottom of my heart, hypothetically, if LO was actually a ghost writer and she was earning enough for a comfortable living, enough that she can drop youtube entirely, i'd be honestly happy for her. i'd prefer that she became a full time ghost writer than a youtuber, because you can't groom people with ghost writing gigs. you can't form an audience around being a ghost writer, only inside clients who need your services, who are all pressumably going to be adults in the first place. whatever bigotry or misinformation you spread on that job comes from what a clent asked of you, not from you having horrible opinions about issues that either don't affect you or you don't actually care about or generally being an awful person. because the thing that LO is missing is that nobody is trying to deplatform her because. we want to do that and encourage people to not give her views ever, no matter what kind of video she's making about what topic (which is why my pinned post will always be resources for people to avoid going to give her clicks), not because we want her to become homeless and struggle to have her basic needs met. we know that it's not going to happen anyway because she's daddy's girl and will always count with his money when this youtuber thing completely fails for her, but even if that wasn't a factor, nobody is aiming for that. we want to deplatform LO because she has actively used her platform to abuse, hurt and traumatize people. i'm not talking about her bad takes on anime or show or animation or anything she claims we have an issue with. i'm talking about the way she has groomed people, used her money to make vulnerable people do things they wouldn't otherwise, exposed minors to think they shouldn't have been exposed to by a trusted adult and spread outright lies to defend rapist or other dangerous people because it was convenient for her narrative. we want LO to not be watched anymore by anyone because she has shown, time and time again, that she'll never try to not hurt someone the moment she has a chance for it. because as long she gets views, has subscribers and has any level of influence, she's still a danger.

i'm sure that the Brittany hivemind agrees with all of this as well. so no, LO, you had it all wrong. if you had a job outside of youtube or any social media, we'd love that for you. if anything, we'd encourage it so much more than keep creating bad essays in video form. but we both know that it's not true and you told us that yourself without realizing. so we have to call out the obvious lie you naively expect people to just take.

literally the first result in google search when you type "do ghost writer write fiction":

the second one:

who is the one who looks like they have no idea how this industry works? (although, if i want to get extra petty here, another reason why people can have reasonable doubt about your ghost writing job, beyond the fact that we have evidence of the many lies you tell on a regular basis... a ghost writer by definition has to know to be versatile and write on an more than acceptable level, if not being also good for the editing. LO, you don't even edit your own scripts. you record them in the first draft. your writing style is terrible, both in a grammar sense as an stylistic sense. so you mean to tell me that for your fanfiction, videos, posts, and everything to do with your name, you make zero effort into making it look decent and reserve all your hidden abilities for... writting for crappy apps? oh and flavor text on some unnamed RPG? seriously? how is anyone supposed to believe that?) anyway, the relevant portion is this:

LO, you're a despicable horrible human being. every ounce of compassion or grace i was ever willing to give you have killed it, smothered it, turned it into ashes and then piss on the debris just to spite me. every chance i gave you to be a better person, to do the right thing, you have squandered it and ignored it. you genuinely disgust me. you're repulsive. i feel sorry only for myself for ever believing you were more than a parasite, a groomer and an abuser. Brittany has never been better than the day you both stopped being friends. your sibling, who never liked you in the way you wanted them to and never would have, is a better friend you never was. everyone who has left you is better for it and someday that fact will fully crush you, but there won't be anyone there to console you and tell you that you "deserved better" because you'll be all alone. nobody will be responsible for that when it happens. not me, not Brittany, not Courtney, not any of the other blogs who criticize you. you. you always be your worst enemy and, the best part is, that is the one you'll never get rid of.

[fandomfluffandfuck]

i’m the anon who previously sent the message about the deplorable things alba and her friends have said and done.

i did indeed see your response to my message, and to be completely honest, i thought it was a genuine and well-thought out reply. i know you mentioned you did not want to engage (which is completely fair, considering the scope of your blog), so i understand if you don’t post this. however, i was disappointed to see you continuing to give alba a platform when she has, in fact, not changed or learned from her previous actions. she is still close friends with people who have publicly tweeted statements such as, “fuck me like hitler fucked the jews.” it was revealed that she is heavily antisemitic on set just as recently as last year. she is not sorry for her actions, that much is clear.

it’s your blog - you have final say on what to do with it. but as a part of your previous reply in stating that you could do more in holding racist people accountable, i just thought that you would at least stop giving her a platform to spread such horrible values. because of her antisemitism and racism, her (and now chris’) fans also think it is okay to do so. yes, we cannot control the actions of others. however, as public figures, they do play a part in guiding the narrative and setting an example for those who see them.

i wanted to end off with saying telling you that someone previously asked a fan blog of chris and alba, “is nazism and racism okay if you’re white?” and the response was a resounding, “yes!”

this is who you’re supporting, parasocial or otherwise.

related to this

Thanks, I am surprised that you came back. Also, thank you for not screaming, I've seen way too much "discourse" that is just that online and, unfortunately, in real life.

That's all horrible, and awful to hear, obviously. I knew vaguely of her association to friends with problematic, harmful views through another anon, but no details. The description given certainly paints that she's not learning or growing, yeah. That's shitty. Especially shitty when it's more recent things and not past regrets or ignorance.

It is certainly in my mind whenever an anon sends me something about Alba. She's in a photograph with Chris, I see her in his tag, or whatever. Each time I post something of her, even if it's not really about her and more about Chris, it's consciously something I contemplate. I really hate getting into the real, real relationships and such. I'm not a gossip blog. I have no interest in that side of stanning/supporting a celebrity. So, I very much hesitate to post anything that toes the line. I don't want to, and I shouldn't give people who are racist a platform. You're right, clearly.

Also, I'm sure there are fans of either (or both) Chris and Alba who support racist views or think that they are allowed to because they see their favorite celebrities doing it. I would prefer to think that it is just a very vocal minority, though, in the same way when I see people posting about committing violence toward Alba, death-threat-ing her, making remarks about how they hope Chris divorces her and does horrible things to her because she deserves it, etc. I hope people understand better. Maybe they don't. Maybe I am naive and the outlier by assuming that people compartmentalize their fandom lives from their real lives similarly to me. If so, more should be done to educate them, or push them to educate themselves, on why that isn't okay. Poor behavior examples can be very dangerous, though, I agree.

Anyway, again--for real this time, haha--I'll say that I don't want to get further into this. I can feel a very slippery slope coming, not necessarily from you, but generally about who has reportedly said what and when and to whom, and that's too much for me.

[woaddragoon-nadya]

Predicting the end of 2.55

Just finished up the fight for Ishgard, but I haven't started crystal tower yet so I'll give my thoughts just to see what comes of them. Also just some of my thoughts on stories/characters

Spoilers for 2.0 onwards below!

1. Betrayal of the Braves

I think the leader of the Braves is going to backstab Alphinaud. Obviously he's still alive given the trailers, but I think maybe the leader turns the Braves into an evil organization? I don't see any promo materials after this that include them. Idk he for sure killed that other kid. I just don't see the benefit other than money. Maybe he's a monetarist?

2. Alphinaud is SUPER immature

Alphinaud is pissing me off. Still love him, but he is just so naive. "You guys are the absolute worst for not helping Ishgard!! 😡😡"

The Admiral (being logical) "We have to farm out jobs to WOL because we don't have enough people for our own problems? Also we literally JUST had a war that killed hundreds (if not thousands) of soldiers? That Ishgard didn't help with? WOL also just uncovered a double agent within the Flames even though Ul'dah is already on the edge of collapse? Where are we getting soldiers from??" And Alphinaud, who really shouldn't even be at this meeting, gets mad at her! Buddy this is a stupid hill to die on!!

They always say the Alphinaud is the negotiator but I'd argue like half of the other scions would be better candidates. It always is so weird to me that everyone calls him "Commander Leveilleur." He looks and acts like he's 19 (coming from a 19 year old)! Surely Papalymo, Y'shtola, Thancred, or hell even Urianger would be better? Somebody more mature with fewer anger issues.

3. Losing the Light

Also, maybe its just the RPer in me, but I really wish there was more emphasis on WoL losing the light. Hopefully that'll come after the crystal tower quests? Imagine you're the chosen one. The fabric of the universe decides to make you her sword. And some dead fuckin dragon just takes it away for no reason? The main reason anybody gives a shit about WoL is because they are so powerful and special. So the fact that we can't tell anyone that a part of us got ripped away? Minfilia goes "aw that sucks." And we just don't do anything else? Moonbryda probably would've lived if we still had the light. And we aren't IMMEDIATELY swords/wands blazing killing the thing that did that to us?

Every time my WOL shrugs when asked how she's doing I want to tell at the screen. Like "Babes, you're TRAUMATIZED. Everybody uses you for their personal benefit. You just lost like half your ability to fight the people you are famous for fighting. Say something please!" And she does not.

4. Tarturu future?

My final note: If Tarturu dies I'll riot. Idk I'm terrible with facial expressions so maybe it wasn't meant to be sinister but her send off at the end of her little quest is making me nervous.

5. Final Thoughts

I absolutely adore FFXIV, and I hope this doesn't make anybody think I don't. Most of it is great. I'm super happy to be working with Cid and his crew for the Crystal Tower because they were by far my favorite part of ARR. I've really been enjoying the 8-mans even though I fucked one up earlier by not looking up the mechanics beforehand (what a way to be introduced to tank busters lol). It's just some of the story stuff that can be a little frustrating. I know that shrugging off your trauma is kind of just the way it goes with MMORPGs but knowing that doesn't make me feel any better y'know?

[writebethany]

Having talked to a fair number of my friends all in the same age group, I think the tragedy of the people who were in college or just out of it in the 2016 election was we grew up in a bubble of "terribly slow progress, but at least it was something, at least we were moving forward" or at least that was how it always seemed when we were kids. Then 2016 hit us like a bus. That was against all this progress that seemed to have been made, not even just in our lifetimes but in our parents lifetimes if they could help it. But it seemed like it could be a fluke, a tantrum, something that could be gotten over. It was fucking terrifying, the world was wholly mask off just as soon as we were supposed to step out into the world, but it was just four years, we could get through it. We could show up to the elections in 2018 and flip the house and mitigate the damage, and that did happen, and again in 2020 to take back the presidency. Everything was so, so much worse, everything more divided, people dead who did not have to be, but at large we'd made it through, there was hope again that maybe things could be fixed, to go back to that interminably slow progress towards a better society from when we were growing up, that maybe there would be decency again.

And now staring down the barrel of our 30s or just inside of them, it's happened again. We're old enough to know it isn't a fluke because once is coincidence, two times is a pattern, the last eight years have been a pattern that only took maybe half of a breather in there, and god it skews those 20 years before as 'were those the fluke?' For me, that is the hardest thing to deal with, having to come to terms with the true backslide of America, to *know* that over 50% of the country saw what he did in his first term, all the hate and the unnecessary cruelty, and know that wasn't a dealbreaker for them. To know that a good portion of those people do not think I should exist as I am. There is not falling back on 'do they even know how bad he is?' They know. They don't care. What a profoundly awful realization that has been brewing for the past almost-decade, to have told yourself for years that it can't be that bad, to *hope* it isn't, only to have no choice but to realize it is, to have that last bit of sunlight disappear beyond the horizon and to know that it's winter and to not know when you might see the sun again.

Of course there have been little realizations of the same thing along the way. Of course anyone who isn't naive realized there were problems before this. But this is the final nail in the coffin and the earth is going to come pouring in at any moment to seal us in. The world before is gone. There is no escaping it. It is a death in its own right and now finally comes the grief.

I don't even know what to tell the fresh baked adults about this, the ones who are my age when 2016 happened. I don't even know what to do myself. In some ways I think they might be more prepared than I ever was for things to go so badly, they grew up in the world where it was this bad already. I don't know what to say to them, I think the only thing I can say to them is I still want to have hope despite all this, even though right now I feel so hopeless. I still want to hope because I grew up in that era where things got a little bit better a snails pace at a time. I grew up as a gay kid in the south thinking I could never get married, I went through the height of 'that's so gay' in middle school, and by the time I was in college gay marriage was legal and support for the gay community was at a high. I know things *can* get better. I have witnessed it. I've witnessed it. I have. And I have witnessed every single one of the past eight years. To be hopeless in the face of another four will not do anything beyond make things worse. I want to witness the change for good again. I am tired, but I am here. We are all here. And hope for a better world exists for as long as we do.

[project-sour-grapes]

Fitting in

"Misery loves company" is such a dumb phrase in its simplicity, but it's true. Another thought that pops while thinking about themes from the last post is that, by joining every other 30-something in the languishing lifestyle of "I'll just do my job and then go home and go one some crappy dates and then take a nap and watch Netflix," I become miserable. Not only that, but I pick up on the misery of the greater population who are also living this life. (Maybe it's the "the world is a mirror, not a window" thing, or maybe it's just my reticular activating system suddenly picking up on others in a similar state.)

It becomes especially apparent to me when I hear about how shitty people's relationships are. Like folks who have baby mamas/daddies and have an argument every other conversation. Or folks who can barely have an intelligible conversation with each other, because one of them is the "puts a finger under every word while they're reading" person, but who else will they go to Machu Picchu with in 3 weeks? Or there is the 50-year-old manager at Safeway, who clearly did not think 30 years ago that she would still be doing this shit. Or the pharmacist at that same Safeway, who treats every patient trying to fill their scrip like they're a burden. Or those same patients, who treat the pharmacist like she's just on obstacle in their way. It's not that these lives are that awful, and that my life is better. It clearly is fucking not. But when I think of joining people in this kind of mindset where you just accept the pros and cons of participating in this socially accepted misanthropy and treating life like a slog, I become miserable. And other people's misery becomes apparent to me. And you know, I don't think it's worth it to fit in in that way.

I have quirks and ways of seeing things that people make fun of or call me naive for. Maybe they are naive. I see how letting patients at the ER take me for a ride made me come off as stupid. The alternative though--treating everybody like they're suspicious, grumbling at strangers who I interpret at being in my way, and having a "fuck you, I got mine" attitude--is just miserable. It's average. It's a waste of life. I still may carry some misery for a while perhaps, because I'm mourning the death of my childhood expectation that life would be like Postman Pig and His Busy Neighbors. In that way, I'll be forever less naive. However, how do I get back to the mindset of wonder and excitement? There was something about that that seemed more magnetic. Or maybe it wasn't. People do seem to treat me a little better when I come off as less naive. But again, I don't want to join people in their misery. So what if they like me? I won't like myself. I won't want to get up in the morning. What kind of worldview makes me want to get up in the morning?

[anonymousisnotavailable]

I think, that I have made a decision. At least for now. I want so badly to be a 100% certain, and I want so badly to be a mindreader of sorts, so that I can prepare myself for however our conversation turns out. I am a little scared, that he might think, that I at some point started percieving our relation as an actual relationship. While it might have felt that way at one point, we never sat down and had a talk about it. I would feel awful if it turned out, that he had. Because ending an undefined relationship of sorts and an actual relationship are vastly different. So I don't want him to think, that I assumed that that was the case. Writing it makes it sound kind of horrible. But what it comes down to is, that I am aware, that we never made it official. Me asking him to talk - though not through text - will be our first actual conversation about, what we want going forward.

I have a hard time imagining myself myself in a relationship. Not that I do not want one, or that I don't think, I am ready for one. I think what I am having trouble imagining is a relationship with him. I like him as a person, but I do not consider myself in love with him. At one point I did feel like, that was the case. Now the butterflies has turned into anxiety. It would be so much easier, if he had been horrible to me or something. If I had been wronged, I would be able to chew him out and leave him behind. But he hasn't done anything wrong per se. Was I upset with him when, he broke a promise? Of course. But he apologized multiple times, and we made up. Same went for the time he overslept and was late to a date. It did make me worry, though, that it might become a recuring theme. Him making dumb mistakes. I think the rose colored glasses came off after that. Realistically, I know that it is not fair to expect perfection from others. But for a while I honestly did think, he was close to perfect. Maybe it was all the compliments, and how he took care of me. It does not really matter. I do, however, miss the way, I felt in the beginning. Once I started feeling less anxious about the whole thing, I finally got to enjoy what felt very much like being in love (or at least liking someone enough to daydream about them). I am not naive, and I now that with time that feeling will most likely become less intense. But I think I would know if that was the case. We have barely been seeing each other for three months, so I am pretty sure, that I am supposed to still be daydreaming and impatiently waiting for his texts. I just don't. Instead I struggle to keep my anxiety under control, because the whole thing is stressing me out.

I have no idea how to initiate a conversation like this. I know, that I will definitely not be sending him the can-we-talk-text. I really do not like the concept. It makes people anxious, and I do not feel like it is fair to leave people anxious and guessing. I don't know when the next time we see each other will be. It could be days. Maybe more. All I know is, that I will not bring it up before then. It sounds a lot like me trying to postpone it, but a text does not feel right. A text will make it all seem so omnious, and I really don't think that is necessary. In the end it is a conversation meant to make sure, that no one end up unecessarily hurt. Some sadness is unavoidable. Even if we both agree, that we do not wish to pursue a relationship. Something I have yet to decide is, whether I would be okay with continuing to sleep together (same goes for him). Or if I would rather try and be strictly friends. Which sounds like the kind of thing you ask for, when you are breaking up with someone. The kind that never really works out. Maybe you talk from time to time, but at some point the coffee dates become less and less. Then there is, of course, the possibility, that he might not want that, and would rather we do not see each other at all. I know, that I would get over it at some point, but it would still make me sad. Not in the way it was with J. Despite my anxiety I like spending time with L. I feel comfortable around him. So not seeing him - unless by coincidence - would be feel strange.

I will probably end up doubting myself again. I think the waiting is partly to blame. I also fear that seeing him might make me do so too. I wish, that I had more faith in myself. I keep coming to the same conclusion: it might be best for me to let go of this. It seems what I fear most about letting it go is, that I might miss out. But miss out on what? I cannot predict the future. All I can do is talk to him. I am only responsible for my own feelings, so worrying excessively about his is not going to help me. His feelings won't change my own. As C said, you cannot force your feelings to change. Very true and something to remember when I see him next.

- L

[anknstwrit3]

Expired Amare

Love isn't something that would be in Reizo's vocabulary, and if it were then he would be oblivious to it. Even if other people have gotten in and out of relationships; had crushes and asked the other out. Reizo knew that. He just figured that he is a late bloomer. That at one point he will eventually get to experience it too.

First interaction, he got into a fight. That's how they both met.

It was a ridiculous fight, both don't recall the reason it even started. Yet that was the start of a new friendship.

Grayson had quite a temper. He was short, mature, and not as sociable, but he was a good friend; he listens and is brutally honest. Reizo admired him for his maturity and loved him as a dear friend.

Regret.

He regrets not telling them sooner.

He regrets not realizing it before.

He regrets not spending more time together.

He despised himself for being so dumb and naive.

For being so slow

and for being too late...

That indescribable, empty feeling haunts Reizo. He can't put it in words but that feeling made his heartache.

The memories of Grayson would flood his mind whenever it got the chance. It was as if he was cursed.

Reizo remembered that day.The day before Valentines'. Grayson's last day

It was something Reizo couldn't get his mind off of and it is probably a silly thing to keep pondering about. But- it's the day before Valentines'. The day that signifies love.

Is it love, or is it admiration? Or is it because he craves attention and the feeling to be loved? To experience what others had.

Was he that desperate to have a partner because everyone else is going through it? It sounds selfish of him but- the desire to go through a relationship is strong.

It was confusing for him and usually, when things get confusing he would avoid it.

How can Reizo avoid this?! It's too complicated and hard for him to understand but it involves his friend.

Looking back at it there were hints of his feelings showing. How he cared for Grayson more than a friend.

Sometimes people would misunderstand the two and say things that Reizo wished were true. That he wished the whole world would know and be proud of it.

"You guys fight like a married couple"

"Ha- #couplegoals. Just kidding"

"When I saw you guys I thought you guys were a thing"

"Aw look you guys are matching"

"Funny how you both think alike."

Behind that clueless face, Reizo liked it. It made him smile. Wanting more.

Was he being too selfish?..

Made so...

Friday, there was a party to celebrate Valentines', when really it was to celebrate someone's birthday.

Reizo was with Grayson at the time despite having many other friends.

Well, he did force Grayson to go with him.

The party was like any other, just pink and Valentines' themed. He remembered that Grayson told him that its an eyesore.

Though there was this one point where he pushed Reizo to go be with the others like him. In exact words, "Go on and socialize with people like you. Quit being so clingy to me."

Was he too clingy?

Reizo wanted to spend the party with him. Make him have a good time, smile and laugh. He wanted the other to enjoy this time, saying 'Things been more fun since you appeared.'

Not that.

He didn't want to go overboard and cross the other line. Knowing Grayson for so long Reizo figured it was fine, they were probably just not in the mood and need time to be by themselves.

This is understandable, everyone needs alone time. And Reizo respects that.

Grayson told him that he won't go anywhere and stay in that spot. In the corner of the place, where not many people were and no loud blasting music was being played.

Reizo left, letting Grayson be.

It's normal, they do this all the time. Everything will be fine.

Reizo was in the crowd talking with some of his friends. Occasionally he would glance back to where Grayson is. Checking and making sure they are still there.

It didn't come to him on why he always looked back. He assumed it was because he cared for his friend safety at the party.

The sun was slowly setting, leaving a nice color in the sky. Golden hour shimmered through the party. Things that are silver and gold were enchanted by the light. It didn't last long as some bright neon lights were displayed, implying that this party will be going on till dark. Music was turned up then the people there started to be more rowdy and obnoxious.

Reizo didn't mind it, but he knows someone else is.

He scanned the area trying to find the spot Grayson was last seen. Only to find that he wasn't alone. Someone else was there, Reizo's eyebrows furrowed-- distraught by what he saw.

It wasn't bad, maybe he was just exaggerating. But he didn't like it-- was that too much to where he is becoming more greedy?..

Grayson stood there in the same spot but another person stood with them.

They were tall. Taller than Reizo. And much better than him.

Nice broad shoulders, smooth brunette hair, in good shape, their muscles show without being flexed,, clearly they work out. He got the looks, a way more handsome looking than Reizo.

He can't compete against that guy.

Not that he intends to compete,,, it was just--

It was something,; a feeling of anger? Or was it jealousy and envy?

Either way, it upseted him, but who is he to judge. It's Grayson's life, he has no reason to control who they should be with. It should be better this way, Reizo had been spending too much time with Grayson compared to his other friends.

There is no need to get worked up over a friend making another friend.

It was getting darker, the golden hour is long gone and the party lights brighten. Reizo should get Grayson out, he knows that they're uncomfortable with it. But how would he approach them, what's a good excuse to take Grayson away from the brunette guy.

He lingered there too long, the two already stepped out of the party. He had to follow, he wants to go. He must.

Reizo hesitated. He took a few steps before being stopped. Someone called his name, they turned around to see their friend there. It seems they had a question.

That's unfortunate, Reizo was quite anxious to get out of this conversation. He needs to check on Grayson. What if the guy is bad and something happened--

"Reizo, do you like Grayson? As in a like like kind of thing?,, I mean I'm just assuming since you keep on looking back at him the whole time and usually th--"

The other’s voice faded as Reizo was no longer paying attention. He got lost in his thoughts after hearing that.

"Do you like Grayson?"

Does he?

No, it's just admiration. Reizo idolizes him, he's like someone he looked up towards.

That's what he believes and thinks.

"Do you 'like' Grayson?"

A like beyond likes. Not a friend who he likes, they meant as in more than a friend. More of a lover, a crush, someone you loved.

It's a strange feeling really. Reizo didn't like how it was,, a feeling that he doesn’t know.

Throughout his time, he'd always ask people:

"How do you know if you have a crush on someone"

And it's always the same answers. The same answers in every single book or comic about romance.

'You think about them every day, always want to be with them, picture yourself with them in the future, nervous when you talk to them, constantly trying to be with them, your heart would even skip a beat sometimes'

That's all false, it felt false. Like it's something only in movies.

Reizo thinks about a lot of people every day, he doesn't see himself with Grayson in the future, and he is completely fine talking to him.

Was it because they are friends, that he had no problem being around the other?

Reizo believes that someone's heart can't skip a beat over a person.

Yet here he was, hand on the chest to feel his heartbeat.

It didn't skip a beat, but he could feel it. Not exactly increasing in speed but banging on his chest, wanting out.

At first, Reizo assumed it was just because he was aware of his heartbeat but it happened numerous times after that party.

In class Reizo would find himself thinking about Grayson and if he actually liked him. And other times he caught himself looking at the other for too long.

It was getting dangerous for him. The more he was aware of this feeling towards Grayson the more he'd lose focus of what's he's doing around Grayson.

Unaware of his occasional glances, the favoritism he gives to the other, and the amount of times he tried to be by Grayson's side. It all led to one word.

Love.

It took him days to figure out whether this feeling is true or not. If it was just a fake feeling because of the desperate need to be in love.

And when he thinks he got it all solved it was right before Valentines day, which is perfect.

Reizo didn't have much planned for the following day, he was just gonna do what he did last year. Give out gifts to his friends.

Tho this year might be different.

The news was pretty sudden and out of nowhere. Reizo didn't expect this to be the first thing he hears in the morning.

"I'm going to be moving schools tomorrow. So I guess this would be my last day." Grayson told Reizo in the usual monotone voice and that straightforward attitude. It was quiet for a moment as he let that sink in. "Oh.. really..? You're really gonna leave?-- this isn't some sort of prank your pulling on me, is it?" Reizo nervously chuckled, hiding the fear of the other leaving. In response Grayson shook his head, "no no, its all true. This isn't a joke or anything." Grayson may not seem upset about this but Reizo could tell. He knew Grayson didn't like the idea of leaving as much as he did.

But they can't do anything. They're just minors who can't control where they move or not. Reizo deemed it as unfair for them having no say in this. It's always the parents decision in everything.

During the last day, Reizo did everything in his power to make that day memorable for Grayson. At the end of the day he believed it was a success, tho he forgot one last thing.

That afternoon it rained. Reizo always thought, whenever it rains somewhere in the world something sad has happened. To think that something would be this.

"I love you!"

I think..?

Reizo wanted to shout that to the other as they left. Grayson's back was turned, walking away.

Before those moments the two were at the entrance of a building that served food. It was their hang out spot ever since that one time.

"I'm gonna miss you a lot.." Reizo said towards Grayson to which he replied,"pff- don't get so sentimental. Things like this happen all the time, its always changing. Just gotta keep going." It was comforting of him to say that as Reizo simply just smiled. The wisdom that Grayson has is quite astonishing to him, shows how mature they are. It's one of the charms that Grayson has,, in Reizo's opinion.

"Oh- look it that. It's raining."Grayson said while looking at the sky. The two were sheltered by the roof that extended beyond the entrance. "That sucks, since you gotta walk home." Reizo responded with a frown, concerned that the other would get sick from the rain. Grayson gave him a nudge on the side, "same goes for you. And plus its just water."

The conversation goes on for quite some time before it was officially time to part ways.

Throughout the whole day Reizo had been coming up with ways to express how he feels, or at least what he thinks he feels-- to Grayson. Making different scenarios in his head and picking with what seemed right.

"Keep in touch okay!" Reizo said with a weak smile, trying to hold back his tears. He really hates saying goodbye's

"Yeah sure thing. Will do.." Grayson nodded then waved as he walked one way then Reizo turned,.walking the other way.

A lot was going through his mind, but one thing was pushing him.

'Say it, just say it. Its only a few words, say it before it's too late! This is your only chance!!'

Reizo found himself not walking back home but embracing Grayson. He was slouched down, arms around Grayson and was giving him a hug. He knew the other wasn't a fan of things like that but it the last time he'd see him. Just the thought of not seeing Grayson after that made his heart drop. Like an empty void or a part would be missing.

In the rain, the two stood there hugging. Reizo didn't want to let go at all but was left no choice.

Reizo was then forced to say goodbye to Grayson.

He was walking home as his thoughts were occupied by the things that has happened and the things he should have done.

Reizo felt so-- weak and stupid.

A coward who was too scared and hesitant to say what they have felt.

The confidence in him was gone.

Yet he was hesitant again.

It shouldn't be too late to tell him. Grayson should still be walking home too, it wouldn't be too late.

Yeah! There should be time. He has to still be there.

Somehow Reizo mustered up the courage and strength to go back. Running back to him. The fastest that he even had been. Rain and sweat dripping down his face, taking heavy breaths while running there.

Soon, he would be there.

Almost there, he would be able to catch up.

Reizo's mind was mostly blank at that time. Only thing running through it was that he loved him. He really loved him. Reizo wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. He wants to be someone special in Graysons life, more than just friends.

"GRAYSON!! I LOVE YOU!!!" Reizo shouted at the top of his lungs, as he huffed heavily. His lungs were burning fire, begging to get fresh air after such a run then a shout.

What he said was towards Grayson, he was there.

But he was too late

Grayson's car, along with a moving truck was slowly driving away as Reizo stood there in the middle of the road.

Sharp pain came from his chest along with uncontrollable tears down his face. Mixing along with the rain on him. It was painful. Every part of his body ache.

It must have been the fact that he hasn't ran this much is so long. His legs throbbed and tingled from the run.

His heart pumping excessively to the point it might make his way out his chest.

Reizo stood there for a moment in despair and frustration. He hated this.

He hated everything.

He hates how love is so complicated,

How he was so stupid

And how painful everything is.

Especially when it's his first time.

[icepoptroll]

I think the character I analyze the most would be Ricky and therefore I can certainly offer my two cents on him. A lot of people tell me that they enjoy my depictions of him so hopefully this helps!!

First and foremost RTC is a show that's been put on like, hundreds of times and every actor who has portrayed Ricky does so very differently and there's no one true right way for him to be. In some shows he's very sassy and energetic and in others he's very gentle and soft spoken. There are a lot of ways to properly portray him and if yours differs significantly from how I might write him that's totally ok and it doesn't necessarily mean you're mischaracterizing him.

Personally, I like for him to have a balanced mix of the sort of "sour and sweet" traits because peace and love and kindness is generally what he's about, but he also deserves to be able to assert himself when he needs to. If he's too passive, sweet and naive he becomes a sort of stereotype. . . But on the other hand if he's constantly rolling his eyes and crossing his arms and speaking in an arrogant or sarcastic manner in his interactions, then (at least, to me) it just sort of really falls flat when it comes time for him to sing about peace and love. Absolutely, Ricky should be given agency and confidence, but don't feel like in order to give that to him you have to avoid letting him also be sweet and gentle. Just strike a good balance: he shouldn't be a doormat, but he shouldn't be a douche either. He's a multi-dimensional individual just like any other person and can't be boiled down to just "this" or "that."

One trait I enjoy about Ricky is that he's super smart and enjoys some very thought-provoking media. I would highly recommend researching classic science fiction media for references he could make. In a lot of productions I've seen him do the Vulcan salute from Star Trek so you KNOW he's a fan of that, and I would imagine he's also into Star Wars, X-files, Battlestar Galactica, etc. He's also into comic books, so you can always explore which superheroes you think he would relate to. These pieces of media feed his powerful imagination with an expansive wealth of inspiration. If there's any particular science fiction movie, book or TV show you like you can always use that for him, I'm sure he'd dig it!! He's also for sure a video game nerd and I think he enjoys the Pokémon games.

One of the biggest gripes I have about newer scripts is that they take away from one of Ricky's (imo) best qualities: he is a complete and total chatterbox. In newer versions he lost a lot of lines that gave him context and meaning. Just because in life he was unable to speak does not mean he had nothing to say--- he actually has lots of opinions about lots of things and he wants to interject and say his piece. If you're writing something that takes place in the warehouse, I suggest giving him long-winded speeches. If it's more of a pre-canon, no Cyclone, or "everyone lives" situation, maybe let him write long, wordy letters; or express himself in sign language with active, excited hands that are in almost constant motion; or taking time to input expansive responses into an AAC or text-to-speech app. He gets very excited and passionate when he delves into things, and he'll start to smile and laugh in awe of how cool stuff is as he breaks it all down.

As much as Ricky loves to talk, though, he is also very curious and observant and when he's not talking, he's listening and watching. He notices things others don't tend to pick up on. I feel like he'd remember the tiniest little details about people. He probably always had fun people-watching and making up creative backstories for strangers passing by.

Another impression I get from Ricky is that he knows and loves who he is. It's for this reason he tends to let things roll off his back. He's far more interested in correcting Ocean's misconceptions about the world and humanity (ie "sex is gross" or "we're all accidents") than he is in correcting her misconceptions about him specifically. All his life he's had his own back, he's been "his own best friend," and so he doesn't feel it's necessary to prove his worth to others. His contentment with his life as he lived it allows him to accept his death rather than try his damnedest to get brought back by whatever means necessary.

In the same way different iterations of Ricky have emphasis on different personality traits, different iterations of Ricky also have different attitudes about their disability. Far be it from me to police how Ricky, or any REAL person for that matter, should feel about their disabilities, but all I can say is that I personally just can't see Ricky really ever feeling angry about the cards he was dealt in life. I think he loves and accepts every facet of himself unconditionally and, although I can see him feeling frustrated with certain outside barriers imposed on him, I don't feel that the fact that he's disabled in and of itself would upset him, and that needing mobility and communication aids are just his norm and his way of life and he's totally used to all of that by the time the events of canon take place.

I'm currently about ready to nod off right here right now so I'm going to stop here. I hope this is helpful, and if you want more feel free to shoot me an ask or DM!!

Chat my friend wants to write and RTC fic but doesn’t want to mischaracterize them. Drop your character analysis in the comments or reblogs pls because I’m bad at explaining things

Please give me some paragraphs I don’t need likes I need content to give them-

[cinnamonest]

Would there be any possible way to escape yan Kaeya? I'm thinking of writing something but in order to make it work, darling needs to actually escaping for good.

Ahh since these were similar I'm gonna answer them at once - I did do something for Childe and a darling that can defeat him, but honestly intelligence would irritate Kaeya much more than strength would Childe if darling acts on it. He likes darling that's either too dumb and/or naive to recognize how manipulative and awful he is, or a darling that's just too meek to oppose him and takes it anyway. So while darling could be intelligent, it's okay if she just bows her head and accepts his ways. For darling to be defiant and intelligent and call him out on his bullshit is possibly the most infuriating thing because it hits right at his confidence -- he takes pride in being able to deceive and manipulate people, someone who his tricks don't work on is a big blow to the ego and makes him insecure and worried. He's more likely to drop the smiley act and get more direct.

You called him manipulative, you said he's just gaslighting you into thinking he's kind and gracious? Well, fine. Maybe you'll understand when you see what it's like when he decides to be mean -- like you deserve -- and then you'll be willing to admit he really is good to you and you're just an ungrateful, demanding brat. But it's okay... once you submit again, he can snap right back into that smiling, charming, mocking persona. He's actually very good at jumping back and forth between emotional states and demeanors within seconds, it practically gives you whiplash -- and more importantly, it helps him gaslight you into believing you imagined it or are making it up. No, there was no angry meltdown this morning. What are you talking about? He has no recollection of that. Maybe you just want to believe he's the bad guy here so badly that your brain is starting to make up these nonsense claims.

To escape, though, that's a much, much bigger blow. Once again, it's sort of a confidence thing, a security thing -- when you're inside, everything is fine. He has a massive abandonment complex and subsequent cheating paranoia, and knowing you're safe and locked away makes him have a sort of inner peace, he's even just more pleasant and calm in everyday life to others, just knowing everything he cares about is fine.

But there's another reason why escape would be such a massive emotional blow -- to escape, you would have to earn and then betray his trust. Trick him into thinking you were content and happy. He takes no chances most of the time, he's a rather merciless yandere in terms of the extent he'll go to to keep you there -- your presence and safety (not so much your physical safety, but more like his security over you and safety of knowing you're contained) are much more important than your happiness. But if you grow soft and compliant and complacent over time and really put on a good act, he lets his guard down a bit, gives you some more freedoms to roam the place he lives in, which equates to more access to tools that can be used as makeshift lockpicks and other tools.

So what hurts the most isn't the blow to his ego regarding his intelligence and the humiliation of being tricked... it's that he was starting to feel really, truly happy, like his life is finally going really well, he finally has someone that will stay forever, someone really loves him and will never leave -- and then you go and completely crush his heart and soul by forcing him to realize it was a lie.

And due to the aforementioned paranoias and complexes and the rest of the mile-long list of issues this man has, if he comes back to an empty home, his mind immediately assumes you've not only run off, you probably ran straight to someone else. Someone else who you're probably already fucking, someone you like more than him, someone you'll leave him all alone in favor of. Good thing he doesn't really care about what you want, so he doesn't have to accept that! So he just stands there for a moment slack-jawed and twitching. He's the kind of person that starts to tremble when he's mad enough, hands gripping everything too tightly, yet his face is calm. He's smart, he has several ideas of where you might have gone.

The reaction upon finding you -- and don't think he won't, no matter how far you go or how well you think you've covered your tracks -- depends on the scene he walks into when he does. Pray to whatever archon or god you have that he finds you alone, whether you're truly living alone or if anyone else you have is not there at the moment. If not, if you have the misfortune of being caught with someone else, especially if it's some guy, things will turn a lot worse.

He gets it. Other people are better than he is, right? You know what, he really does understand. Of course they are. He can get rather bitter, self-pitying about it. No one is ever going to keep him around by choice. But, see, he's already accepted that, that's why he took you in the first place, so you'd be dumb to think he'll have any trouble doing so again. It's his own fault, really, and he says exactly that, he was just... dumb. It's his fault for ever letting you have the freedoms you were given. He should have known better, he says, than to believe you. Maybe he only did because he wanted to. But he won't make the same mistake again.

But the self-loathing isn't quite as strong as the loathing towards the other party, if there is one... and the anger towards you. Not that he hates you. Even if he wants to, he's too desperate to have someone to latch onto to hate you. Again, though, the other guy... well, he can't hate you, but you do deserve to suffer something. And he himself knows that psychological suffering can be just as effective as anything physical. But he has to make sure the effect is sinking in by reminding you it's your fault, as well as prevent you from interfering by restraining you to a chair throughout the duration of it all. Look at the guy, can you even fathom how much pain he's probably in right now...?

Truth be told, the knights have to get their hands dirty every now and then, and they usually call upon him to do it. They know that nothing fazes him and that he's got an iron stomach when it comes to tolerance of sights like this, he's the least squeamish person you'll ever meet, desensitized to it even. You though, you don't seem to be handling it too well... but surely you knew this was a potential consequence, and you accepted that the moment you set foot out the door.

[sunflowershouto]

if they hurt your feelings - headcanon (iwaizumi, oikawa)

𝐚/𝐧: here's some headcanons! lemme know if you want a part 2 with different/more characters cause these were super fun -leo

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: hurt/comfort, angst to fluff, no warnings other than the boys accidentally being buttfaces

my haikyuu masterlist

𝐈𝐖𝐀𝐈𝐙𝐔𝐌𝐈

✰ Iwa is a fairly blunt person who doesn't mince words.

✰ That's not to say that he doesn't have a filter, but if he thinks something needs to be said, then he's going to say it.

✰ You were discussing plans for what to do after highschool, and Hajime said something that implied that he thought you were being naive.

✰ "You need to be more realistic about your plans for the future. Not everything is a fairy tale like you think it is."

✰ You understood his point, but the way that he said it was undeniably hurtful, and you reacted negatively almost immediately.

✰ You've always been worried that he sees you as being immature, and this really struck a nerve. After all, Iwa has always been calm and collected when it comes to making plans, he always seems to have it together.

✰ All of those little insecurities start to bubble up, and before you know it, there's a lump in your throat and your eyes are watering.

✰ The second you start to reply, and he hears the way your voice breaks, Hajime realizes that he's screwed up.

✰ "I-I know I'm not as good at this stuff as you are, Haji, but I'm not- I'm not an idiot. I just wanted to be optimistic."

✰ Hearing you say that breaks his heart a little bit.

✰ "Hey, hey, don't cry," he mumbles, and brings up a hand to the side of your face. He feels absolutely awful—all he wants to do is help you and make sure you're prepared, and instead he's made you feel like he doesn't trust your judgement. "I didn't mean that, not the way that I said it."

✰ He's stroking your cheek and trying to stay calm, but he's sort of panicking on the inside, because he can tell that there's something deeper that he's struck on and he doesn't know how to approach it.

✰ "I know how hard you're trying, baby. I know you're taking your future seriously, and I don't think badly of you for being optimistic. I'm sorry, I just want things to go well for you."

✰ He's just as straightforward about comforting you as he is about everything else, and that really helps.

✰ When he sees that your eyes are still watering, he pulls you to his chest and holds you tight. He presses his lips to your forehead and holds you there for a moment.

✰ You're starting to feel better as he addresses some of the root of the problem, and you sink further into his hold. Iwa always gives the best hugs, and it's hard not to feel better when he's holding you so lovingly.

✰ "I'm so sorry if I've ever made you feel like I don't believe in you," he murmurs. You can tell in his voice that guilt is eating him alive.

✰ The two of you stand there like that, with Hajime holding you and whispering reassurances, and just trying to fix any damage he might have just done.

✰ In the aftermath of it happening, he'd be a little extra sweet, take you on a nice date and just try to make up for it, and give you more reminders of how amazing he thinks you are.

✰ He's extra affectionate that evening too, and holds you close as you both fall asleep, as if he's still trying to apologize in his own way.

✰ Long term though, I see him wanting to have another discussion about why you might have those insecurities, because the idea of you thinking that he sees you as anything less that brilliant kills him a little inside.

✰ He loves you so much, and going forward he's much more careful of how he says things, and you guys have a much healthier, much more communicative relationship.

𝐎𝐈𝐊𝐀𝐖𝐀

✰ As much as we all love him, it's no secret that Tooru can be a little bit of a dick sometimes, even to people he cares about, and even when he doesn't mean to.

✰ He's really good at reading people on the court, but sometimes misses things when it comes to other people's emotions, especially subtle things.

✰ It's not that he doesn't care, but Oikawa is a hard worker who gets really caught up in his own routines and goals, which means he doesn't always stop and think about someone else's perspective.

✰ It happens over something that he sees as small, but something much more meaningful to you.

✰ You'd stayed up late preparing food last night, knowing that Tooru had an interview with a professional team the next day. You put a lot of effort into preparing a meal for him, wanting to give him a little extra motivation and support, even if you couldn't be there with him in person.

✰ It was a lot of cooking, but more than that, it was something that you had poured a lot of love into, and you were really proud to give it to him the next morning.

✰ "Sweetheart, I made you a bento last night to take with you; it's got all your favorites in it!"

✰ Tooru is shuffling around the apartment, finding his coat, keys, wallet, making sure he has everything he needs with him. He's preoccupied, and doesn't really stop to process what you've said.

✰ "That's okay, babe. I'm gonna eat out today," he calls as he gets to the front door. "I'll be home for dinner, love~!"

✰ And just like that, you hear the door shut, and Tooru is gone.

✰ You try not to feel too defeated, but the longer you stare at the tupperware on the counter and replay Oikawa's careless response in your head, the more frustrated you become.

✰ You'd stayed up all night just to make a stupid meal for him, and he didn't even say 'thank you' or 'sorry' for turning it down. Hell, you'd barely even gotten a goodbye out of him.

✰ You headed to work and tried to carry on with your day, trying to tell yourself not to overreact or be selfish. After all, it was a big day for him, and you were worrying about a stupid lunchbox.

✰ Trying to get over what had happened, you send Tooru a text at around lunchtime.

✰ hi love, how's it going so far?

✰ He didn't open it right away, but you assumed he was just busy, and didn't think anything of it.

✰ You finished your shift, and when you checked your phone. . . Nothing.

✰ Tooru was busy, yes, but he normally always found time to text you back. In fact, it was usually him blowing up your phone while you were at work.

✰ You just sighed and headed back to the apartment and decided to wait for him.

✰ By the time he got back, his dinner was cold and you had already eaten, and were now sitting on the sofa, watching reruns on TV.

✰ "There's my girl!" he chirps like nothing's the matter, and stops dead in his tracks when you cast him a cold stare over your shoulder before looking back at the TV.

✰ "Oh..." He sets his things down on the table and rubs the back of his neck, unsure of what to do. "I did something, didn't I?"

✰ "You think so?" you mutter, though you can't help but feel like you're reacting a bit too harshly. But even when the anger subsides, the hurt is still leftover, simmering.

✰ He slowly sits down next to you, and pokes your cheek, knowing full well that you're not in the mood. "C'mon," he chides, his voice light and playful even though he's clearly worried. "Are you gonna keep pouting or are you gonna tell me what's the matter?"

✰ You resist for a moment, but melt as he continues to stare at you. Finally, you groan and turn to face him. "This morning, Tooru. I spent hours last night making you that lunch, and you didn't even care. You barely said goodbye, and you didn't tell me you'd be home late tonight, either."

✰ "Ah... Crap."

✰ He's quiet for a minute, and you're not sure what he's thinking, and then you realize that he looks like he's about to cry. He starts apologizing profusely, and pulls you into a hug so tight that you think your lungs might have deflated.

✰ "I promise I'll eat everything you cook for the next million billion years! And I'll say goodbye to you every morning for the rest of forever!"

✰ You can't help but smile now. "Tooru, I don't think we'll be alive that lon-"

✰ "Don't say that! The rest of forever! Goodbye kisses!"

✰ Oikawa is nothing if not theatrical, but the emotion is genuine, and you're reminded why you love him so much.

✰ The rest of the night he might as well be glued to you because he literally does not leave your side. You're loading the dishwasher and he's hanging off of you like a giant whiny koala and kissing all over your face.

✰ And you know what, you love it :,)