#i don't understand how pharmacists can keep up with all of these

[ley-med]

When I quickly look up the dosing of a medication and all the internet would tell me is "consult your doctor" like yes yes I AM THE DOCTOR now help me

[monstrousproductions]

PSST.

You wanna know a secret?

Neurotypical people use scripts too.

I'm neurodivergent and I struggle a lot with meeting new people. The only thing that helps me is scripting - planning the conversation beforehand, practicing the questions I'm going to ask, the anecdotes I can tell, all that jazz.

But what really helped me turn a corner was realising that neurotypicals are scripting too. Everyone in the supermarket is expecting the conversation with the cashier to go a certain way. I don't have to worry about being funny or interesting - I just have to play my part, and they'll play theirs, and we'll both go away from the interaction content!

And I know this is the Anti Small Talk website I knowwwwww. But small talk serves a vital social function! You can't just jump straight from Stranger to Friend - you need to do the intermediary steps first, or at least get introduced! Besides, it helps make brief, transactional interactions - like being served in a shop, for example - feel a bit more friendly, which, why wouldn't you want to make things more friendly??

It also - and let us simply speak in hypotheticals here - it also means that, for example, if you are an innocent podcaster who found themselves at a wedding a few weeks ago where you knew very few people, and, through various circumstances, ended up being sat at a table on the other side of the room to the people you actually did know, you wouldn't have had to spend the entire meal sitting in awkward silence because nobody else at your table knew how to make conversation with strangers. Hypothetically. For example. 🙃

And look. I get it. Meeting people can be awkward and uncomfortable, especially if you're neurodivergent. But there are things you can learn that can help minimise that awkwardness, or at least help you come across as 'harmlessly odd and doing their best' (my personal favourite social niche).

Society likes to pretend these skills are inherent. But babies aren't born knowing how to do any of this! We have to learn. As a neurodivergent person, I had to learn that skill very consciously, and rather later than some of my neurotypical peers - but they had to learn it too!!

And like every other skill, the only way you can improve is practice. You gotta put the time in. But that time pays off. I'm in my 30s, and by now, I have scripts on scripts, with variations for all sorts of different contexts. It's like a database I access, filtering through it for Middle Aged Woman In Professional Setting or Chatty Toddler On Bus or Millennial Programmer at Casual Social Event.

At this point, I feel pretty fluent in most social situations. It's not foolproof - I got so nervous at the pharmacists last week, I stammered too much for the clerk to understand me and had to start the whole interaction over 😶 But it makes life much easier, and - just as important - helps me to make stressful situations easier for other people, too.

So, please, if you struggle with small talk, can you do me a favour? Can you think of three questions you could ask a stranger? You want to keep them open-ended (no yes/no answers), friendly but not intrusive, and avoid anything that makes an assumption about the other person.

For example, I tend to go for, "What kind of thing do you like to do for fun?" instead of asking about work, because lots of people don't have jobs for all sorts of reasons they might not want to tell me, a random person at their friend's birthday party.

I'm also a huge fan of asking why people like something they said they like, or how they got into it. People like to talk about things they enjoy, and I like to hear about it!

Once you've got a set of questions to ask, you can have a think about your own responses. If someone asks you how you know the friend you have in common, what can you say that will keep the conversation going?

If they mention the weather, what could you say in response? It's been warm in Belfast recently after a cold snap, and I'm a bit annoyed because I was excited to wear all my woolly jumpers again. I've expressed that exact sentiment to four cashiers and three taxi drivers this month alone - and I'll do it again!!

Finally, above all, pay attention. Keep your head up, and try and see who's talking and who isn't. If you notice someone might not be getting chance to join in the conversation, you can bring them in by moving your attention to address them while you're answering someone else. Then, address your next question to them more directly.

The thing is, like I said, neurotypicals are scripting too. They'll be expecting this kind of chat. They'll be prepared. They're expecting to be asked this kind of thing, and to say the same kind of thing in return. There's no trick to it - they just learnt the script earlier than us, and without having to be told explicitly that it existed 😂

It's hard. I know it's hard. But you can learn, and it is worth learning - for your own sake, but also for the sake of your fellow wedding guests/birthday party attendees/newbies at the book club 😅

[sorrinslays]

More about the Belobog Roleswap AU

So, I decided to make this post because of @lesbianbootheng. Specifically, their reblog right here:

#hsr#role swap au#op i hope u know much i enjoy those aus and the fact u made one is So Cool to me#pls tell me u have more ideas bc dude? i’d love to hear em#and i hope ur comfy w/ me adding some ideas myself bc this sounds soo fucking cool dude like wtf#love the idea of clara and hook being assistants to the silvermane guards that’s so cool <3 it fits them surprisingly well#ALSO THE FUCKING NERD PELA BEING PART OF THE FIGBT CLUB?? idk that’s so funny to me idk why LMFAO#oleg being luka’s father is rlly cute i love that <3 my HEARTT#also svorg being slowly being aaprt of the landau family by serval fixing him and they start to consider each other as the other loved ones#serval is still a musician i hope she’d just be one of those underground artists (literally haha)#also love the fact cocolia/serval r a thing in this au that makes me so happy u don’t understand :3#their yuri is NOT doomed after all :3#also… bc this is a roleswap au imagine bronya as the new supreme guardian… can u see it?#how do u think she’d act as leader?#sampo + bronya would DEF need to reign her in haha#also. do u think geppie sees sampo interacting w/ hook/clara & thinks of lynx & wants to sob when he’s separated#bc I DO. i so fucking do

So here's some more insight on the lives of the characters!

Gepard

He has this rule he set for himself that he doesn't steal from the less fortunate, guards and children. Those he does frequently steal from are nobles and since he used to be one (technically still is) he knows the obsolete worst ones. Sometimes, when he learns something particularly bad, he leaves an "anonymous" tip in Sampo's office.

He tried to grow a side business out of selling flowers. Since he's not a guard he has way more time to actually engage in his hobby, unlike his OG counterpart, he can actually keep a plant alive. However the business sadly didn't end up working out.

He does have "disguises" so he can get groceries without being chased around, although they are all kind of terrible. He doesn't know jackshit about makeup so he relies on hiding his face instead (hats, masks, sunglasses and the like). Almost all of Belobog knows this but they just kinda don't bother him cause the disguise is so bad it's sad.

Whenever Clara and Hook see Gepard in his "disguise" they try to get Sampo to arrest him cause "it's literally the guy you chase everyday, he's right here, just get him!!!!!" only for Sampo to pretend not to recognize him. Gepard goes through all five stages of grief whenever this happens.

He has accidently bumped into Luka sneaking into the restricted zone on numerous occasions and both kept it secret. They have even fought together in secret.

There are rumours of the "Phantom Shielder" amongst the guards, which is just Gepard. He keeps trying to help in the snow plains, since he feels guilty for adding to the workload of the guards by committing crimes. He believes it to the least he could do.

He is a supplier of automaton parts and the like for Oleg. Luka has a sneaking suspicion that's the case but since it's Gepard's most legitimate business venture, he doesn't bother reporting it. Oleg is, like, the closest thing Gepard has to a father figure.

Sampo

As the Captain, he rarely has time to relax alone and anytime he does have the time he spends it in the far away snow plains looking for medicine for Cocolia. He sneaks away when he's supposed to be doing paperwork. Or he "loses track of time and stays on patrol for longer periods".

He has made deals with pharmacists all around Belobog, asking for "defect medicine" that cannot be sold to the public (because of such things as a wrongly colored bottle, wrong print, a small cracks etc.). Basically, he collects it without telling the pharmacists where it actually goes. They don't really question him and he brings it to Cocolia.

He has a house near the restricted zone, not because he wants to be "closer to the actions" as he tells people, but so that he can have more alone time. You need a good reason to be anywhere near the restricted zone or you have to sneak in, so his apartment is like a safe haven to him.

He doesn't have any tells when lying, contrary to popular belief. He has fake ones that he uses to trick Natasha. She believes him to be a bad liar because of this.

Anytime he has free time (which is not all that often) he is surrounded by children anywhere he goes. If you hear manic giggling across the streets you know Sampo has a day off. He will have at least two kids around him at all times and the parents have to practically peel them away from him.

Sometimes, whenever he spots Hook bothering Gepard while he's "in his disguise" he walks over and chats with Gepard just to fuck with him. It's incredibly entertaining watching the poor guy squirm as his voice cracks in ten different ways.

He actually knows if Luka sneaked in and disguised himself as a guard because there's a standard hair length soldiers in the restricted zone have to have that Luka does not follow. He never mentions it, just let's him do whatever since he believes Luka to be capable enough. He does like ordering him around just to fuck with him, seeing Luka flinch and do anything without making a sound or "deepening his voice" so that Sampo "doesn't recognize him" is very funny to him.

Luka

As much as he hates paperwork, he's infuriatingly good at it. So he's probably staying an intelligence officer for a long while. Seele told him as much after a meeting with Natasha. He had begged Seele to bring up his situation, arguing that he's healed now and can go back to the front lines. Seele, true to her word, did mention him, but Natasha shout down any conversation about him, stating he's "too useful as an intelligence officer".

He used to have a small crush on Sampo. He was impressed by his fighting and was asking the Captain for a spar for weeks before the other agreed. It's still unknown if he still harbors that crush. The crush doesn't necessary have to romantic, it's honestly up for interpretation.

He attends every funeral, celebration and memorial held in honor of the Silvermane Guards. It's based on respect but also a little bit of guilt on his part. He believes that if he hadn't lost his arm, he would've still been in the front lines and he could've stopped some of the death that happened in the snow plains.

Whenever he is cooped up in his office for long periods of times, Clara and Hook are tasked (by Sampo, as their "superior") to get him out. Usually, they steal an important document and have him chase them all over the city. By the time he gets back, the day is over and he is ordered to go home and rest.

During his days off, he helps Oleg around the workshop. Oleg has tried to reassure Luka many times before that he doesn't need to keep helping, although all of them were in vain.

He has tried getting new hobbies to distract himself, and one that he enjoyed more than he thought he would was crocheting and knitting. He made matching scarfs for Clara and Hook and Seele called him a granny. He challenged her to a spar after that (he lost).

Whenever Luka and Gepard sneak into the snow plains together, they get into "competitions". Basically, they try to kill more fragmentum than the other. Usually, it's a tie or one of them winning by a small precent (like one or two more kills).

Natasha

Just like every other Supreme Guardian, she graduated in history. Although that's the case, she was always fascinated by human biology and the structure of the human body. She became even more interested after she met a man by the name of Vache, who told her he wanted to make a medicine specifically for people to be able to survive the bitter cold. After Cocolia banished Vache to the snow plains, Natasha brought him to Qlipoth Fort. He is still alive, even after the Astral Express' visit.

She really likes teddy bears, they used to be the only emotional support she had back when she was first selected to be the future Supreme Guardian. She had shared this information with Oleg, and since they used to be very close back in the academy, a lot of her stuffed toys were left at Oleg's place. So their absence during the Stellaron's manipulation helped her spiral quicker.

Vache lives in the lab of Qlipoth Fort and he is, basically, Stellaron 2.0. Since he also believes the Stellaron, he tries to pressure Natasha into following its plan. Natasha, isolated from any actually healthy influences, gives in and soon orders that result in more deaths than victories follow.

She and Oleg used to be very close, to the point that they even grew flowers together and used to babysit children together as a way to gain a little something something on the side. Whenever Luka reports to her, she asks about Oleg and how he's doing, every time she asks she has a wishful expression on her face.

Natasha was actually very suspicious of Sampo in the beginning, after all, before he joined the Silvermane Guards she hasn't heard a thing about him. She remained suspicious of him even after years, until the end of the Belobog arc. When he first made waves, she researched every little thing about him.

Oleg adopted Luka after his break up with Natasha, so when she first saw his last name she cried. She genuinely thought that she had missed a wedding or something.

Doctor handwriting. Even in another universe she couldn't escape the illegible doctor handwriting curse.

Seele

Used to go to the same elementary, middle and high school together with Luka. He was just a year or two younger than her. As a kid, she used to think he was okay, then during middle school she found him annoying and now it's a mix of two. However, he's probably the closest thing she has to a best friend and it's the person she trusts the most outside of Natasha.

She focuses a lot of her combat abilities. Since Natasha doesn't let her go on too many missions and she's not aware she's supposed to be the next Supreme Guardian (she is under the impression that she is just Natasha's adopted daughter) she doesn't think about the political situation or strategies all that much. She much prefers fighting the fragmentum.

Although technically she has a higher position than Sampo, whenever she gets overzealous during training or pushes herself too hard, she'll "be put in time out" by Sampo. Basically, she will be training and Hook and Clara pop out of nowhere, telling her how it's "time for a break, or else Sampo will put you in time out". She always tries to get out of it because she finds it stupid, but honestly dealing with Hook and Clara is a challenge in it of itself, so, unfortunately for her, Sampo's tactic works annoyingly well.

At first, she was struggling a lot in school, specifically with writing. When Natasha first caught wind of this, she sat down with Seele and they spent a whole evening just writing and Natasha helping Seele with school work.

For almost her whole life, Natasha and Oleg were together, so when Natasha turned distant and they broke up, she basically lost her parent. She visits Oleg's workshop every now and then, but they definitely aren't as close as they used to be. Now, unfortunately for her, the closest thing she has in her life that actively acts like a father figure is Sampo.

She regularly makes bets with soldiers in the front lines. Like, "oh, I bet Kyle can't headshot five fragmentum in a row". In general she is very friendly with them. Natasha is not a fan of that.

Luka asks her for a spar session almost any time he sees her. While it "annoys" her, she find comfort in the fact that she can tell him mood easily like that. She knows that if he's just fired up he gonna ask one or two times and if he feels bad for whatever reason, he's gonna be more persuasive.

Oleg

To him, the Neverwinter workshop was something that would've happened one way or another. He always knew that at some point he would own a workshop, however, what he didn't expect was how soon it would happen. He imagined opening it in his late forties - early fifties after passing his Stellaron research to a younger researcher. He never expected to have the nasty break up with Natasha and getting kicked out of the Silvermanes like that.

A side hobby he picked up after losing his job as a researcher was sketching. Whenever the workshop goes through a slow period with no customers or any work to do, people can find him outside, sketching whatever he sees.

When Luka lost his arm, he was devastated. He was so scared for his son he soot out Natasha, asking if she can find a better position for Luka that doesn't endanger him so much. Although he feels guilty for taking the choice from Luka, he also prefers feeling guilty with a son than feeling guilty without a son.

Back when Luka used to be in the frontlines, he wanted to meet his superior (Sampo) just to be sure that the Captain was capable. His first impression of Sampo wasn't a positive one, but after hearing about his achievements in battle, anecdotes from other guards, seeing Luka's admiration of him and seeing him around the street playing with the kids, he backed off.

He still misses Seele, even though technically she's not his kid. Even though that's the case, he still makes sure to prepare birthday gifts for her and congratulate her on any achievements.

He teaches Hook and Clara the basics of engineering. Every week he dedicates two hours for them. It's actually one of his favorite past times cause it livens up the place and reminds him of back when Luka and Seele used to be kids.

He still thinks about his research, specifically the Stellaron. He really wants to continue studying it and oftentimes thinks about it. He has a lot of theories about it but can't test any of them out.

Cocolia

She met Serval when the Landaus first moved to the Underground. While all the siblings have a positive opinion of her and they generally get along well, she and Serval clicked almost instantly. Serval helped her a lot with the orphanage, then with the clinic and finally with Wildfire.

Even though the Underground's atmosphere is pretty depressing, Cocolia tries her best make it more homey, warm and, in general, uplift the people. There's a reason why the people of the Underworld trust her with more than just medical issues.

One of her attempts to make the Underworld more welcoming was plants. Although most of them require sunlight, she got Sampo to look for ones that can survive without it. And just like that the Underworld is full of plants (as much as it can be). Unfortunately not all parts of the Underworld have a flourishing flora, the unlivable parts (thanks to the fragmentum) don't have any.

While she is a doctor and a healer is general, if it comes down to it, she can hold her own in battle. She uses a bass guitar when fighting, the one that in the original Serval broke during her companion quest.

She and Bronya have a very strong bond. They spend hours talking about different ways to optimize Wildfire. Serval helps with that too, either as the face of Wildfire or by suggesting ways to update equipment or create new weapons. Whenever Sampo is present, his input is asked as well, although he mostly helps with strategizing and ways to get rid of the fragmentum.

The hardest choice she had to make was exile Vache. She was conscious of his downward spiral when he started obsessing over blizzard immunity but the human experimentation was kept a secret from her until Lynx mentioned hearing something about it. Needless to say when she found out she was heartbroken.

She is well liked by all the children, and she always has some sort of candy on her desk. It's either for children who are being treated or, at the end of each day, the most behaved kid gets two.

Bronya

Although she didn't go to school, she knows the basics thanks to Cocolia and Serval. So now, her favorite hobby is reading. She has read as many books as she could get her hands on. Anytime she sees Sampo, she asks him to deliver her a book or two.

While she is part of Wildfire and she does fight against the fragmentum under Serval's command, whenever fragmentum activity is low, she is seen helping around Cocolia's clinic. While is mostly acts as a nurse following Cocolia's orders, she is still very skilled, to the point that other nurses sometimes call her "Cocolia 2.0".

She has learned the basics of engineering from Serval. It's a skill that comes in handy more often than not, from fixing up children's toys to helping fix equipment that was broken by the fragmentum.

The kids love her too. Whenever they get into trouble the first person they go to is Bronya due to her "not being an adult" (she is, she is just the youngest one working in the clinic so they assume she's still a teenager).

She has heard a lot about Gepard, but she has never actually met him since she wasn't adopted back when the Underworld and Overworld weren't separated. Despite this, she feels as if she had known him forever because of how often Serval and Lynx mention him. As if he's still here, with them.

She and Pela are good friends. Thanks to her, Bronya got into the Tales of the Winterlands. That series got her to wish to one day go to the topside and see the snow plains for herself. It's a wish she holds close to her heart.

She is close to Lynx as well, they spend a lot of time together due to her being the little sister of Serval. The two of them started reading Tales of the Winterlands together thanks to Pela and both of them loved it. They have spent hours talking about what they want to do in the Overworld.

Pela

She is a very important part of Wildfire not only because of her strength but also because of her great investigation skills and data collection. Thanks to her, Wildfire is not only able to catch troublemakers but also because she could predict future fragmentum activity based on the data she managed to collect.

She was the one who investigated Vache when Cocolia first heard of the rumours. She had come to Pela as a friend, asking for help, not as part of Wildfire. Pela accepted to look into it for free, and gave it her all. Let's just say the investigation wasn't all that pleasant.

She has created a fake identity that she uses to bet on herself. She is very strategic about it too. If she wins too many bets, she makes sure to stage a few loses to keep the attention away from her fake identity. She has made bank with that strategy.

Moreover, the reason she is still technically in debt is because the person she owes to is in the Overworld, so she had no way to reach him and she can't ask Sampo for help. She has a small box in her apartment that is the payment to her debt. She's not sure if there's any extra payment due to being late (although it's not really her fault) but just in case she keeps some extra shield.

Her closest friend is Lynx, they hang out together anytime Lynx isn't with Svarog. There's moments were they don't talk, Lynx just shows her picture as they cuddle on Pela's sofa and that's probably their favorite activity. However, anytime Lynx is in a talkative mood, the two of them theorize on what Gepard is doing in the Overworld.

She preforms in Mechanical Fever with Serval. It's a way for her to gain an additional income while hanging out with her friends (Serval, Lynx and sometimes Cocolia (when she's not busy with Wildfire and the clinic, which is pretty rare)). She is a drummer, her drumsticks are handmade and very sturdy (build by Serval) and she uses them when fighting as well.

She participates in a lot of food completions (like eating all 5 crabs that are in the game), but her favorites are the ones with spicy food. She and Serval were the ones with the biggest rivalry in a spice tolerance competition.

Serval

When she and her siblings first moved into the Underworld, they could only afford a one-bedroom apartment. She and Lynx shared the bedroom and Gepard slept in the living room. Soon, after Cocolia formed Wildfire, Serval go the opportunity to move. Now, she lives with Cocolia in a four-bedroom apartment, one for her and Cocolia, two bedrooms for Lynx and Bronya and the last one for Gepard.

While she is part of Wildfire, she also has her own "workshop" which is just her "experimentations" on automatons. She wants to create truly sturdy ones that can handle the fragmentum so that people don't have to risk their lives (and to also win in automaton fights shhh!!!!!).

While she doesn't like Svarog, she still helps him fix up a few things here and there, although she doesn't approve of the way they run their part of the Underworld she understands that he is an important ally. Plus, she gets access to better tools/materials.

She is still the lead singer/guitarist in Mechanical Fever. Most of her songs are about hope and a brighter future, it's her way of helping uplift the people of the Underworld. She is the most popular artist in the Underworld because of this.

When Sampo first arrived to the Underworld, she asked him about Gepard. More specifically, how he's been, if Sampo knows anything about him (whereabouts, health and the like). While he answered her questions, she asked if he could bring Gepard down, but he said "not yet". He did give her other reasons as well, but the "not yet" stuck with her.

Whenever Bronya and her go for patrols or missions together, they just talk. Like, they do get the work down, but they have insanely good coordination skills and synergy together that it's a breeze for them so it works more as a bonding moment rather than work.

The one taking care of most plants in the Underworld is Serval because they remind her a lot of Gepard and his love for plant life. On especially lonely nights she imagines his reaction to seeing how much the Underworld has changed since last time he was there.

Lynx

The reason Lynx got so attached to Svarog was because he possessed a lot of knowledge about the outside world and he could answer a lot of her questions. He once even showed her a projection of how the aurora looks back in the snow plains.

Before meeting Svarog she had tried to go to the surface to, one, find Gepard and, two, to see the Overworld once more. She went pretty far, but she couldn't unlock the Furnace Core, so she had to leave before Svarog found her.

She once confided in Pela that she doesn't remember Gepard's face, that it's very blurry for her and that she feels very guilty about it. She is frustrated because she does care about him and Serval always gets a sad distant look when he's brought up, but whenever she is trying to imagine the three of the reuniting, she can't picture it.

She has tried reasoning with Svarog on multiple occasions, but the robot never changes his mind. She still hasn't lost hope whatsoever. After all, her dream, aside from reuniting with Gepard, is to visit the snow plains.

She knows basic engineering thanks to both Serval and Svarog. Although she is not very interested in it. She prefers learning about the outside world much more, but it's useful information so she doesn't argue.

Whenever she wants to get a few extra shield, she goes to the fight club to bet on Pela. If she is not participating, she follows Pela's betting advice. She almost always wins, but that's because she doesn't visit the club that often.

When she met Sampo, she had asked for pictures of the snow plains, since she learned he fights the fragmentum there. He obliged and now she has a whole pin board dedicated to those pictures in her room.

Hook and Clara

The two of them are a very big deal in their school. They brag that THE Captain of the Silvermane Guards has them as "assistants". At first, the other kids didn't believe them when Hook said that they work for Sampo until he comes pick them up from school one day (Fersman was busy).

While the two of them have their separate bedrooms, every night they have "sleepovers" which is basically them sleeping together in each other's bedrooms. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays they sleep in Hook's room and on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays they sleep in Clara's room. On Sundays they play rock paper scissors to decide where the sleepover will be.

Seele had to explain to them on multiple occasions that they are not official Silvermane Guards. Hook refuses to listen and Clara is just confused. Both insist that they are cause "uncle Sampo told us we are under his command!!!!!!!!! You're just jealous your boss isn't as cool as ours!!!!!"

While they get a lot out of following Sampo's orders, they are still not allowed in the restricted zone. They don't get it, and Sampo dances around the issue, ordering them to do things outside it like bringing lunch to Luka or something.

Both of them are really scared of Natasha. They've seen her once or twice in public appearances and whenever they bumped into her in Qlipoth Fort, and while at first she seems nice, something about her scares them. Most of the time whenever they see her they run to hide either behind Sampo or Fersman or Luka.

Once, Sampo had an infiltration mission but Hook and Clara kept wanting to hang out with them. Sampo noticed Gepard in his terrible disguise and told them to follow him. They ended up pestering Gepard all day instead.

Anytime there's a disagreement between them they solve it with a game of rock paper scissors. Even when doing homework. If one of them got a 7 as an answer while the other got a 100 they play rock paper scissors and list the answer as whatever the winner got.

[noddytheornithopod]

The Fireside Girl Whose Flames Grew so Large She Burned Herself, and the One She Loves

So I just realised something about Act Your Age and a certain aspect of it that always bugged me and was a major factor in my frustration with the episode.

"Boo!!!!!! Shut up!!!!!!! You've talked about this episode to death already!!!!!!"

I don't disagree. I'm pretty tired of it, myself. To the point where I see "AYA sucks" takes these days I just roll my eyes and move on, even if I agree. But what I am posting about is a new insight that just occurred to me. As much as I hate to admit it, Act Your Age might be a train wreck, but it's a train wreck I can't take my eyes off of. It's a disaster, but it continues to fascinate me with the implications it has, even if they drive me up the wall.

So basically, one of the big things that bothered me is that Isabella and Phineas' relationship regressed, but in the main series, they seemed to be getting closer as the seasons progressed. Pretty weird to have the main show suggest one thing, only for Act Your Age to go "actually Isabella gave up once high school came around and basically kept her distance from Phineas as much as she could" and Phineas being depressed and thinking he's not good enough for Isabella (which I'd argue was made worse by Isabella's actions I just referred to, but that's a story for another time).

I could go on about how this was a barely thought out way to throw in some cheap angst that is immediately swept under the rug despite opening huge cans of worms, but that's not what I'm here for. I'm here because I think I might finally understand how this seeming contradiction now works.

Isabella grew distant from Phineas in high school BECAUSE they got closer.

This is all pure conjecture. The show could prove me wrong some day, and other people might have completely different ideas, but this is what I'm thinking.

As I mentioned, with the show, Phineas and Isabella seem to be getting closer overtime. Isabella might be running into bigger challenges to confess her love (still not over how it took a literal zombie apocalypse to stop her when she decided to just straight up confess), but Phineas also grows more comfortable around Isabella, something she obviously loves, I mean he even seems to care about her in a unique way (again, Pharmacists, the moment he realised she wasn't with him, he grew OBSESSED with finding her, risking his and everyone else's safety just because he feels that guilty and worried about their separation).

I don't know what the revival will do with Phineas and Isabella, but I expect more of the same. Mostly the occasional gag, maybe a sweet moment here and there, Isabella maybe tries something here or there even if it can't be a full confession. But for the purposes of this theory, I'm assuming that would happen, and they would continue to really like each other.

So yes, they're closer friends than ever. The spark has lit a fire. There's a line I like in Star Wars Jedi: Survivor where the character Merrin talks about how fire will warm you and keep you company, but left unchecked it will burn everything, leaving only ash. I'm paraphrasing, but in the context of the game, it's referring to protagonist Cal Kestis' struggle of growing more obsessed and passionate over fighting the Empire. This obsession indeed grows and consumes him to a point where he ends up in a very dark place by the end of the game.

So basically, what I'm saying is, Phineas and Isabella might grow closer, but that closeness will bring out their feelings more. Phineas ultimately realises how he feels by high school, of course. That is one part of the fire that has grown. But Isabella? She's probably getting more and more mixed messaging. Despite Phineas' growing love and affection towards her, she still can't just spell out how she really feels, which is what Phineas needs to understand. She might have her courage growing, but we've seen the Mysterious Force in Phineas and Ferb - Phineas remaining oblivious to Isabella's true feelings for him is part of the show's status quo. She's literally doomed to fail. Also, if she's even closer, she's going to feel even more afraid to ruin what they have. As brave as she is, this one anxiety is her Achilles' heel, and she's even more afraid of failing. It's too much pressure.

The Fireside Girl is burning.

She can't handle all of this. So what does she do? Give up. Phineas is her best friend? Doesn't matter, it hurts too much to even be around him. Is it contradictory that she's afraid of destroying what they have, but she does this out of hurt anyway? You bet, humans are messy like that. Always thinking she just might be there only to find he has something else distracting him, or anytime she makes progress, cosmic forces set her back. This fire is raging, affecting not just her, but Phineas, too. Her choice to grow distant makes him miss her. Worst part, he doesn't even understand why it's like this.

In the end, there is only ash. The relationship they had burned to a sliver of what it used to be. The saddest part is, I can't help but think Phineas would try to amend what was wrong, but that clearly fails too, leading to how he probably just thinks Isabella is above him and he doesn't deserve her love (oh hey, that part actually became relevant after all). He too enters a despair over their relationship, just accepting that she's not around anymore despite having stronger feelings than ever for her. He even seems to have a harder time inventing. The last of the fire goes out.

Lucky for them, a phoenix rises from those ashes. In Act Your Age, they finally talk (albeit briefly and in a very rushed scene that sweeps so much under the rug), and they can truly be open with each other again. A new fire is born, one that they can hopefully keep under control.

So what can we gleam from this? I feel like Phineas and Isabella actually could've had a real chance to get together earlier, but as things grew stronger between them, that made things more delicate, too. Not only did the circumstances of their ruthless status quo, but their own flaws ruined thins. Phineas' struggle to understand complex, hard to define emotions like love and his singular focus on what to do, not realising his love language is incomprehensible to Isabella... maybe his own love being incomprehensible to himself (see "I know cute when I see it on my cute tracker" lol). But more importantly, Isabella growing closer but still misreading what Phineas does, her own personal expectations AND fears being heightened by their closer bond, and expecting him to just get what she does. If they DID become closer, more time where he doesn't focus on her probably hurts even more.

In the end, Act Your Age had ideas, but they were afraid to commit to them. They somehow did both too much and too little. I actually think if they had a stronger vision, this episode could've been great, but it would also risk being too serious for Phineas and Ferb, and then people would be mad for DIFFERENT reasons. They didn't think it through, but well, some of us fans are just obsessive enough to pick up the pieces and try and make sense of it all. Because of our own burning fires of passion for this show, and for some of us, this relationship.

[darkjazzpunk]

Cold-blooded (BaizhuxReader)

Prompt: 'cuddle me already, damit'

--------------------------------------------------------------

Any other man you would not have believed a single word if he had come with this excuse. But the doctor was different. Yes, he also played his games, but such a thing was far below his dignity. Before you could answer, Baizhu took off his glove and put your hand on his arm. His skin was really freezing! If his body temperature was already so low, how was he able to move at all?

"I understand your reluctance and believe me when I tell you that I am anything but comfortable asking you to do this," his flame-colored eyes looked to the side in embarrassment. He seemed really uncomfortable.

Slowly you let your fingers slide down his arm, "Don't worry, I don't have a problem with it if it helps to keep you warm. But I am curious…"

His green eyebrow went up questioningly.

"Does your cold-bloodedness come from your illness, or?" you looked him straight in the eye and nodded slightly. Your counterpart understood immediately and covered his pretty mouth with his fingers before chuckling.

"My illness is actually making it worse, but no, my cold-bloodedness is part of my 'nature'. I usually combat it with a hot water bottle or a cherry stone pillow. However, I didn't expect it to start raining like this. That was careless of me. I must have been distracted."

You stopped his babbling with a hand gesture and smiled at him encouragingly, "Let's try it, but I warn you, I'm not good at keeping my body temperature myself, so I can't promise it will work."

"Don't worry! I didn't even expected you to comply with my brazen request," Baizhu waved his hands.

Chansheng had already nestled herself on one of the roof beams and watched the spectacle as each thunderclap elicited a small hiss from her. Her partner looked up at her with concern, "Are you sure you want to stay up there? I can make room for you in my first aid bag if you want."

The white snake didn't even have eyelids, but still seemed capable of a provocative facial expression. something that has always fascinated you.

"No thanksss. I'd like to be able to warp, after all, sshould you two have other plansss for keeping warm…"

"Changsheng!" now it was Baizhu who let out a low hiss and shook his head, " Y/N is the whole situation certainly awkward enough, it doesn't need your rash comments."

Your cheeks began to glow and you looked to the side, embarrassed. Actually, a comment of that kind was quite to be expected from this firecracker. Nevertheless, it caught you off guard.

Even more unprepared, however, was the thought that you wouldn't mind too much if there was 'more' that night. You quickly discarded the dirty idea before it could take a more precise form.

Even if such a thing were within the realm of possibility, Baizhu would never abuse your trust in such a way. He was not exactly known for his high caliber, but he was far from being that corrupt. Despite all the rumors, he still had his principles, especially in this area.

In general, he was extremely careful when it came to lust and love. He knew about his attraction and his good looks that made many people of all sexes fall into pining behind his back.

You were just one of many who had fallen for his charm and the mysterious aura around him.

With a shake of your head, you dispelled the thoughts and turned to your backpack. You didn't have anything to sleep in, but you had gotten used to bringing at least one set of change clothes with you when you worked with the pharmacist. It was very important to make a well-groomed impression during house calls and you never knew what the treatment would entail.

As you tried to shoo away the painful memory of your favorite blouse full of blood, you felt a light tap on your shoulder.

Turning around you looked directly into the two amber eyes, with the vertical pupils and the coquettish eye shadow. Your pulse inevitably quickened a bit.

"Do you want to go to the bathroom first?"

"You just go first… I'll ask when dinner is served." was your short-tempered answer, before you quickly walked out the door.

~A short while and a relativley quiet dinner later~

"Is there a side you prefer?", Baizhus eyed you closely, his senses attuned to regsitrating any hint of unwillingness on your part.

You're pretty nervous, but not so much that your boss is going to stop the whole thing.

"F/s," you say after thinking about it for the first time in your life. He seemed to want to make you as comfortable as possible. The pharmacist even emphasized that no physical contact was necessary, your body temperature would be evenly distributed under the blanket and that was enough for him not to cool down too much, which should speed up your departure the next day.

Changsheng on the beam had already left for the land of dreams a long time ago, which was only demostrated by the absence of her occasional tongue flick.

The two of you also lay down, careful to keep a respectable distance. Lying in a bed as boss and employee was wicked enough.

After a few hours, however, there was nothing left of the gap between you. The storm outside had brought with it a considerable chill. Instead of giving Baizhu some warmth, you both froze, which made you sleep closer to each other.

As Baizhu's body moved on its own in search of warmth, his hand on your hip woke you both up. The doctor was about to rattle off a series of apologies when you abruptly interrupted him.

"Cuddle me already, damn it," your demand was underlined by the chattering of your teeth. As much as some depraved part of you wanted those words to have an ambiguous meaning, it was the coldness that made you call out to him.

The green-haired one hesitated, but gave in after another blast of ice-cold wind and snuggled up to you, burying his face in your neck. You were freezing yourself, but compared to him, your body was lukewarm.

And he became steadily warmer. Now it was the bashfulness that made your body run hot. His figure was so close that you felt every single fiber that touched your body. His silky soft skin, which laid like cool satin on you. His long fingers wrapped securely around your side. His concise hip bone that pressed right into your back dimple. One of your most erogenous spots… In addition, his breath brushed in even strokes over your neck.

Behind you, Baizhu had already noticed how his presence made your body warm up. He had to pull himself together not to provoke you even more to be able to tap more heat from you in return. Restrained by the cold like that he wouldn't be able to do anything anyways. Not that he would...

He was not a saint, but he was not that vicious either.

The only thing he let himself do was to let his hand slide up and down your side once.

Even though everything in him screamed to constrict you and devour you in the most sinful ways...

[unhonestlymirror]

Some of Trans Rights fighters so often remind me of smoker patients in the Pulmonology department.

You tell a person, "You have bronchiectasis and/or COPD, you should stop smoking because it slowly kills your lungs" - but such patients are really hard to terrify, to convince to drop off their obsession. They genuinely believe nothing bad will happen if they secretly smoke one cigarette, and they can be pretty aggressive about that. They usually die the next year from cancer. At first, you throw all your strength to help the poor, to save them from such a terrible fate - but the more and more patients you have, the little by little lose your desire because you realise: such people actually don't need your help. Such people realise how deep in shit they are only when it's too late, and not a single living soul can prevent that. Such people often don't even realise that till death.

Doctors are also people, and we often want to use the George Carlin's language: Stop smoking, you idiot, or you will fucking die. You will die! Some of us, of course, understand that the habit can be only replaced with another habit and the ban will lead to nothing, and the doctor's goal is to convince the patient, "You and only you are responsible for your body" - but it's so exhausting. It's so exhausting - and the only thing you want to say is eventually, "You know, what? Keep killing yourself, I don't care." But you can't say so because you're a doctor.

Returning to the trans topic: when you see all those clinics who prescribe mastectomy and hormones to children and teens - children and teens, it's normal for them to be insecure in their own bodies, they are growing up and they have monstrously sharp changes in hormones and they have growing tissues, growing bones, growing bones hurt really fucking much, if only all adults remembered how it feels to have a growing body - you realise that first of all, such kids and teens, both trans and cis, need psychological support, someone who allows them to cry and scream and complain a lot because that's what their bodies scream for. Not hormones who will just make it worse, and not the mastectomy. But you can't say that because otherwise you're a transphobe and a terf, and even if you try to explain that, they throw you links on pseudoscientifical articles which often contradict each other.

And then, you want to say, "Yk what? Keep going, I don't care." And it's only a matter of time when people who were screaming of the holy properties of hormones/antidepressants/drugs for mental disorders and other stuff which any adequate pharmacist will prescribe only with lab results and only after all possible therapies have been tried and have had no effect - yes, it's only a matter of time when the collective silence appears with rare interspersed regrets and complaints about side effects of such treatment. Fortunately and not, most of humanity just needs the most hard-to-get medicine - the improved quality of life - more sleep, less social media, more good food, more physical activity, fresh air, more light, more water, more social interactions with people who make you feel good, more money - not the drugs. In fact, it's already happening. Maybe it explains why pseudofighters for trans rights are so aggressive.

Btw, when most people can't get themselves improved life quality, then we have wars. The more time people try to get themselves such medicine and fail - the more brutal wars we have. A restart mechanism that can not be avoided.

[ironbloodcd]

He appreciates, more than words can convey, the way Petrae keeps it together, despite the very small, albeit recognizable and common signs Baizhu can pick out of the other's nerves. He hates that it must come to this . . . that Petrae must see him like this at all, but it's an unfortunate consequence of agreeing to live with him. Some days, he can make it through with little to no symptoms at all, and others, although rare, he's lucky if he has the energy to move the blanket from atop his body.

" No, the . . . doctors have been very good to me. All that I need is right . . . here . . . within reach. " Neatly arranged, alongside his medications, so he needn't want for anything, or go too far to get it. His thumb smooths gently overtop Petrae's hand, the contact, admittedly, a much needed comfort that he hadn't realized he needed until now. He's used to waiting out these episodes alone, or with a doctor or assistant nearby. Someone OBLIGATED to be there. This was different . . . nice. " Qiqi . . . " he rasps out, descending his gaze down towards the small child, who had curled up against him, her tiny fingers curled into the side of the loose pajamas he'd been switched into. She peeks up at him, in return, causing him to smile wider.

" If . . . I ever . . . had to go away for a very l-long time . . . " Now, he looks to Petrae, that smile faltering just slightly. He, likely, needn't explain to the scholar where this conversation was going . . . he didn't WANT to. Not in front of Qiqi. " . . . would you be . . . fine . . . with staying with Petrae ? You . . . like him, don't you ? "

She considers it. Tucks her head back into the side of his body, and sighs.

" Yes. I like Mr. Petrae. But . . . I don't want to go to Sumeru. Can Mr. Petrae stay here until Mr. Baizhu comes back ? " " Hm. I am sure he . . . would not mind that. Right . . . dearest Petrae ? "

Unprompted Ask - Always Accepting!

@tenebriism

Baizhu's meaning might be lost on Qiqi, but Petrae understand perfectly. The weight of this request isn't lost on him, though the fact that it needs to be asked at all leaves a heavy ache in his chest. If I die, will you look after her? The artificial man feels his lips pressing into a tight line, a shuddering breath drawn in through his nose as he, once more, has to steady himself and gives a quick shake of his head.

"I... of course I wouldn't mind," he all but whispers, as if afraid that speaking louder might, somehow, aggravate the pharmacist's condition, "I will... g-gladly stay here with you, Qiqi, if... if that is what will make you happy."

But he hopes that day will never come - not because he doesn't want to remain in Liyue, but because he realizes how afraid he is for Baizhu. The thought of this kind man meeting such a painful end is a terrible one, and for not the first time, Petrae wonders how the Archons can be so cruel when it comes to dealing in the fates of those who worship them. It's not fair, he thinks, that Baizhu has to suffer this way. It's not fair that his life might be cut so tragically short.

There has to be a way to help him. There must be a way to save him.

Shifting to sit at the edge of the bed, Petrae's gaze lowers to settle upon the hand cradled within his own, resisting the urge to squeeze. He's afraid of hurting Baizhu with even the gentlest of gestures. Instead, he draws the doctor's hand closer, holding it against his chest as if to cradle it as he searches for something more to say. Words feel terribly inadequate right now though. What can he possibly say that would make anything better?

"... we will... remain here until you feel better though. Is... Is that agreeable to you, Baizhu?" The question is uttered at last, a request that he hopes is as beneficial to the sick man as it is to himself and Qiqi. Surely Baizhu doesn't want to be alone right now - he can guess that much from experience. The homunculus knows how torturous it is to suffer alone and that is, perhaps, why he's determined to remain here with Baizhu now.

Please, let me stay with you. "At least until... unt-til your fever breaks... ?"

[nsk96]

Personal rant:

The future is looking bleak for me. Tonight my mom wanted me to look up this video on youtube, but on our tv. Using the TV remote to type is a pain in the ass because you have to scroll across the letters using arrow buttons, which take forever. And the video she wanted me to look up was a snippet from an old bollywood movie with one of the longest ass titles I've seen. I don't even speak the language so typing would take me a very long time and likely some cramping along the way. I told her "no, I'm tired". I didn't even give her an attitude nor was rude. I only walked away when she kept pushing despite me saying no.

she knows how to use said remote and app. She just wants me to do it because "she'll take too long". B.S. she handles it just fine with the TV in her room.

I'm fucking exhausted I don't want to do it. I spent yesterday and today sitting in a small room at my rotation site working on the computer all day, freezing my ass off. Then had to come home to hop onto a zoom meeting where I had to write notes at 100mph. I do nearly everything she asks of me; can I just relax tonight?

Guess what, since I refused, she had my dad do it anyway. I don't understand how she keeps acting like she can't use technology even though I'm always teaching her. It's like she doesn't want to learn.

And she made a big deal of me not wanting to do it. She "hmph!" like 3 times and then said, "I see what I have to look forward to," not directly to me, but in a passive aggressive way meant to either guilt-trip me or shame me.

Um...funny she would use the words "look forward to". Not just because it's obvious she expects me to take care of her when she's old and frail, but because she ain't there yet and expects me to perform that level of care already???? When she is fully capable to do this thing herself?

I refuse her once and this is how she acts? I think she's gotten spoiled. I do nearly everything she asks of me, as well as things she doesn’t ask of me like making her breakfast and bringing her food/snacks. Even letting myself be tortured through pharmacy school because a pharmacist career is what she wanted for me. And now I see what I have to look forward to. Am I going to have to face emotional abuse every time she doesn't get her way?

Did she only raise me to be her caretaker?

And now I have to worry about catching up with studying for NAPLEX on top of worrying about the probability I won't get residency because

My current rotation preceptor doesn't seem to like me much. So I'm not expecting a recommendation letter there. And I don't know how I'm supposed to build a relationship if she's too busy to talk.

My next rotation doesn't seem to even want me there. I have two rotations there. Preceptor #2 dropped me like 2 months ago, so I had to rush to find another (for context, we scheduled our rotations a year ahead. Finding another one in such a short space of time is very difficult). Now preceptor #1 didn't even reply to my email.

I need about 3 letters of recommendation from hospital pharmacists to apply for residency. I don't see it happening if this is the way things are going so far.

I don't know if I'll even be able to attend midyear. A resident at my current rotation recommended I do a presentation at midyear to increase my chances, but I don't know how I'm going to do that when I have these quizzes due for a NAPLEX prep class and I have to study in order to pass these quizzes. I don't know how I'm gonna have any study time with the commute times I'll be facing with my next rotations. I have to get at least a 70% on these quizzes or I'll fail the course. I don't know for sure if my school would hold me back a year for not passing these quizzes, but it sounds possible.

And as if it wasn't bad enough dealing with memory issues. I discontinued the topiramate a few months ago, but yet I'm still struggling to remember things. I forget some things literally 30 seconds after hearing them. A lot worse than before I started the med. I posted that topiramate meme I made to reddit, and someone replied stating that they're still have memory issues after stopping this med 4 years ago.

I heard that good grades isn't the only thing residency directors look for. They also look for "personality." I seem to lack both because I don't know how to connect with people without running the risk of trauma dumping on them :/

Thanks mom and pop for giving me said trauma and for blocking my every attempt to mend my mental health. "You don't need to see someone", my mom said. "it can wait until you get a job," she said.

If I offed myself, my mom would be the first to say she didn't see it coming, or she'd make it all about herself and what she could have done, despite not listening to me and minimizing/dismissing my distress every time I was vocal about it. What part of "I need to see someone" from a person who never asks for help, translates to "it's not urgent. It can wait until I get a job."

Not that I plan to...but I do get to desire to just run off to an isolated location just to feel safe. It's been stressful dealing with all of this on top of the shit going on with my dad. I don't see how living in an apartment by myself is any more dangerous than living with my dad? Which my mom seems to think it is. The major difference she doesn't seem to grasp is that living here, the threat is coming from the inside.

I'm tired

[takeeachdayonebookatatime]

Why did you elbow me? 147

Achilles Castle part 49

The pharmacy part 1

Kate: pov it's after work and i'm headed to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. I'm very tired. I already ate dinner at work with the boys and Lanie. As I walk into the pharmacy I notice a guy at the counter who looks angry and is yelling at the pharmacist. Suddenly the guy pulls a gun oh no just great. Thankfully there are only a few people in the pharmacy right now. I ask the guy his name and what happened. He says his name is Danny and the pharmacy won't fill his wife's prescription because he can't pay for it and his insurance from work won't pay for it. He tells everyone to sit near him on the floor and keep quiet, I just need to keep him talking and distracted. He starts telling me about how his wife has cancer and can't work. He is very angry with the pharmacist.

Danny: pov put all of your phones in this basket now, do you understand me.

Kate: pov I ask Danny if the hostages can tell him about themselves. Carla is another employee here, same with Martin, Tina is a pregnant kindergarten teacher, she is 35 weeks pregnant. Chen is a dog walker, Andros is a tech guy, Howard is a psychologist, Anna is a waitress, Jenn is a yoga instructor, Tim is a carpenter, Barry is a businessman, and Carlos is a landscaper. I'm trying to decide if I should mention I'm a cop. The pharmacist is trying to get Danny's prescription filled for the wife. When Danny asks what I do for a living I tell him I'm a homicide Captain. I solve murders, I can tell the hostages are relieved once I say I'm a police Captain.

Tina: pov Danny is pointing the gun at the pharmacist and it is very scary. I have never been in a hostage situation. I can feel my baby kicking me, I have to stay calm. I think I'm going into early labor. I should time my contractions.

Chen: pov the pharmacist Is saying how he can't do what the guy wants. It's against the rules. I am trying to convince Danny to let us go.

Andros: pov for a second there I thought he was going to shoot the pharmacist thankfully he doesn't.

Anna: pov I offer everyone including Danny a piece of gum from my purse. I hope it will lighten the mood. Kate the homicide Captain takes 2 pieces of gum. Danny then takes the bag and puts it near him.

Carlos: pov he is nice enough to let us all go to the bathroom one at a time. Girls first then guys. It feels like it has been hours. Tina seems to be in pain

Kate: pov tina is rubbing her belly, i don't think she is doing okay. I don't feel so good, I can feel it creeping in. ugh not know, why does my heart pick the worst times. I spit the gum out and try to slow my breathing. No way do I want to have a heart episode here. Danny has my phone and the others in a box by him. I'm not about to ask for it so I can check my numbers. I just have to hide my symptoms from everyone. I'm a cop, it's not about me this is about protecting the hostages and Tina's unborn baby. I can't use my meds because 1 I'm a hostage and 2 Danny took everyones bags after Anna passed out the gum.

Barry: pov Captain Beckett doesn't look so good all of a sudden, her face is a little pale, I ask her if she Is okay and she says fine. Captain Beckett is breathing a little heavily. Tina doesn't look that great either, says she is fine, just scared.

Carlos: pov tina seems to be having contractions, I ask her how far apart they are and if she is fine and Tina says she is doing okay.

Tim: pov this is taking forever Captain Beckett is trying to convince him to put the gun down. Kate mentions she can pay for his wife's medicine, if he lets the hostages go. As soon as she gets up to pay, that is when I notice she has other plans she immediately grabs the gun out of his hand and has the bullets in her other hand. It happened so quickly. A few of us help tie Danny up

Martin: pov after tying Danny up Kate picks up the phone and calls the cops. They tell her to tell us to stay seated until they arrive because we are witnesses to a crime. She then calls an ambulance for Tina because Kate thinks she is in labor. Captain Beckett goes to check on Tina to make sure she is okay, she is checking Tina's vitals. Captain Beckett doesn't look that good. She is still on the phone with the EMT's

911 Dispatcher Sara: pov okay so Tina is 35 weeks and possibly in labor is she having any other symptoms. Just the stomach/labor pains okay good.

Tina : pov my stomach hurts so bad the contractions are awful, maybe standing up will help i suddenly hear a loud pop and feel a gush of water running down my legs.

Chen: pov Tina is in labor Captain Beckett is making sure she is okay, I think Tina's water just broke the floor around her is all wet. Captain Beckett doesn't look so good. Someone grabs a towel just in case. Tina says she needs to push, Kate is talking her through the process. The baby is coming after a few pushes, the baby is out. Captain Beckett wraps the baby boy in the towel and hands him to Tina, she then uses a shoelace to tie the cord and cuts it with a pair of scissors.

Jenn: pov All of a sudden Captain Beckett is starting to hyperventilate, me and Howard tell her it's okay it's over. She drops the phone and looks a little faint to be honest. Howard mouths to me, panic attack or it could be PTSD. She is a cop. It's quite obvious whatever is happening is bad. I'm trying to calm her down but nothing is working, she seems in distress. I have her sit down. Captain Beckett is breathing very heavily now. The police just arrived and an officer named Wordy comes over to talk with Phineas. They chat for a bit. The other officer Seth immediately realizes something is wrong and asks if she is okay. I tell him we have no idea. She just started hyperventilating all of a sudden. To be continued. …..

[friedwings]

what can you do if you're on T gel? I have already had issues getting mine because apparently it's illegal to have more than a 60 day supply and I only do one pump a day and the bottles available have 60 pumps each and they all come in a two pack. however I was able to pick up this 120 day supply while I'm on one pump twice this year now, so I don't understand why one specific pharmacist was giving me issues about it. I don't know why she wasn't willing to just give me one bottle like the other pharmacy was going to do. but yes anyway how do I get around this? and how long can I even keep these bottles before they go bad? I asked both my provider and the pharmacy and no one knows I guess. doesn't say anything in the bottles either

Stockpile HRT now.

[finsterhund]

So a talk with my doctor revealed some things.

My ADHD meds are for the most part working as intended and I'm just understimulated and depressed. I need to work towards learning how to aim my brain and attention towards things efficiently. The meds aren't making me lack restraint or anything. Everything else is. Essentially the meds making me sit down and do extensive crying dog research for 12 hours is because that's what I "wanted" (consciously or not) to do. My meds aren't a miracle cure that will magically get me to sit down and work on things I have to work on they just give me the focus to work on things. Which is disappointing but I understand that. I was foolish to think otherwise tbh.

Self control as someone who's obsessive and has psychopathic mannerisms is obviously not my strong suit. We will be looking into switching my antidepressants and anti psychotics so that they mesh better with the mental ability my ADHD meds give me.

In hindsight this makes so much sense that the problem isn't the ADHD meds making me spend 12 hours a day on a special interest but is actually my brain's fault and the meds just allowed me to reach my true potential. Meds aren't going to "cure" who I am and how my brain works. So I need to train myself to have focus (Jedi time lol)

Also I was concerned because the meds were supposedly going to have the side effect of not being tired or able to sleep upon taking them but that didn't happen to me and I could still fall asleep and have depression naps so I thought the meds weren't working. But turns out that's a side effect for people without ADHD. And that having ADHD I can sleep regardless and tiredness is based on what my brain is doing. So the pharmacist shouldn't have told me that they would keep me up and alert because my ADHD, why I'm taking the meds in the first place, makes me different and immune to that. I thought the meds weren't working but now I realize otherwise.

ADHD meds causing my ADHD to not limit my other issues is something I really should have expected. I spoke to other people and they said medicating their ADHD made them have to raise doses of other stuff too. Guess I should have talked around. I was so focused on my ADHD and the meds for ADHD that I didn't factor into it that I don't just have ADHD. There's PTSD and depression and allegedly BPD and maybe autism we still don't know about that and everything else under the sun and I'm grieving and blah blah blah.

I just got worried when I was spending so much time doing internet research but the issue is that I just need to learn to not go all obsessed with everything.

Again, it is disappointing that I can't just take meds and solve all my problems because I don't think I'm able at the present time for significant self improvement because I just want to curl up and die because Cazza isn't here on most days. But whatever.

Again, hindsight is 2020 and of course if I have nothing going for my life and no motivation when I get my ADHD meds I'm going to put my newfound brain power into something stupid but important to me like ripping the internet apart looking for more crying dogs. Foolish as I was for thinking the unmedicated ADHD was the issue with me not wanting to play games or write or draw when it's the fact that my service dog is dead and my disability prevents me from leaving the house on my own making me depressed as fuck that's sapped any and all desire to do anything but research and mope.

Shit life syndrome or whatever. I just wish there was a way to fix it. Therapy again perhaps but phone psychiatrist appointments did not help. Phone therapist appointments did not help. Maybe now that covid is less an issue I can have in person again but gotta find the strength to make phone calls and shit ugh.

My doctor told me I gained weight since last we met which was upsetting to me. But again. My service dog is dead and I don't have a will to live of course I'm eating for pleasure and also can't afford healthy stuff. Once my surgery is done and I'm recovered I'm going to the gym again though. So there's that.

Still no word on that by the way. I was hoping they'd schedule me sooner rather than later.

Also the medicine that's a pain in the ass to take I have to keep taking and I'm upset about that. I have neglected it and I have no stickers in my planner book I'm so sad I'm a failure. Anyways.

Roommate "wants help with bills" again this month of course. But this time he told me today, when I get paid, so it's not being sprung on me surprise again. Still annoying as all hell. He was like "oh maybe I could pay you back with art" but motherfucker I haven't had the desire to commission art since Cazza died that's yet another thing that lost its value to me now that the love of my life is fucking gone I don't know when that'll come back either.

The things in life that gave me purpose and reason and enjoyment are all bitter grey sawdust to me now that she's gone. I wish I knew when that would stop. It's really painful. Again, going back to my ADHD meds. That's the problem. Not the meds. The meds help my ADHD be manageable they won't fix the fact that life is pain and suffering and I miss my baby girl and everything just feels futile and pointless now.

Roommate wants to do group cosplay where he's Obi-Wan and I'm Anakin but 1. I wanted to be Obi-Wan (lol) and 2. I don't have the motivation to get a cosplay together. I don't even have motivation for my ANDY COSPLAY. THAT'S MY FUCKING LIFE I LOVE THAT SHIT. MY LIFE IS ALL ABOUT BEING ANDY WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME. THERE WAS A TIME BEFORE CAZZA BUT THAT'S SO ALIEN TO ME AT THIS POINT!!!!!?????

But there's a convention around the time that I should be getting my surgery at the latest (just my luck it will be then) so I don't even know if I'll be able to. I'm thinking about how I didn't go to conventions last couple years because Cazza was sick and I stayed home to take care of her it feels weird and not possible that I can go to conventions now because my brain is still programmed to stay home to take care of her.

I miss her so fucking much man. I hate this.

I really related to today's episode of the Bad Batch where Omega was missing Echo but expressed that by being upset the ship got stolen. Because that's exactly how my brain works. I guess it makes sense because my brain is a literal child.

In my extensive search for the crying dog I basically went through a hundred years of sears catalogs (yeah I told you didn't I?) And it gave me such a respect for vintage stuff and a more understanding of how stuff progressed I guess.

It feels stupid to say but part of me wishes I could have been raised in the stupid 1950s American dream suburb white picket fence boy wearing a striped shirt with a bicycle nuclear family picture perfect magazine ass childhood. You know. I wish my life could have been a Rockwell painting sometimes. I should be grateful I was born in the 90s and got the internet and shit but idk I just wish I got one of those magical "good families" that only ever seemed to have existed in fiction to me. The 50s weren't a good time to be a minority and there was the looming threat of nuclear war and all that shit but the advertisement photos look so cozy. I crave that normalcy I guess. I need to understand that even a good childhood didn't resemble those superficial staged photos.

Maybe dreaming about a 50s childhood is an improvement from my desires to be a caveman. Maybe not. Who fucking knows. I think the underlying issue is that I wish I was raised being wanted and loved and with security and a sense of community. Blah blah blah.

To be honest Anakin being a whiny brat with issues and a violent underlying darkness makes more sense for me to cosplay because that's me lol.

This I realize is a massive rambling and all that shit but idk. I just know people want updates on my life to know I'm okay.

I guess I am okay. I'm getting by at least. Grieving and inflation are my biggest issues. I'm so mad the cost of living keeps going up but my disability income hasn't changed since covid started. Man fuck.

Wish I could have my own place. I want a nice little farmhouse cottage sorta shit with an upstairs bedroom with slanted ceiling and my own living room and a yard and blah blah blah.

The ADHD meds confusion is starting to be funny to me now. It absolutely lets me stay focused on what I set out to do. It's just something that wasn't responsible or advisable to have chosen in the first place.

I am going to try to force myself into focusing on actually making crying dogs. Or playing a game. I don't know what caused me to stop making the dogs this time. Working with the felt was so good maybe I had issues with the actual fabric. Who knows.

I think that's everything. I'll try to update more.

[megistusdiary]

I’m not sure if you’ve written for Xiao yet… but I’m always curious of how people interpret his.. libido to say the least, considering he’s an adeptus and doesn’t feel emotion the same way humans do.

Maybe a shy Xiao were he’s not really sure HOW to ask reader to sleep with him so he tries to give “subtle” hint but they really aren’t as subtle as he thinks.

BTW I love your writing ahhhh

(Can I claim an emoji.. idk how that works tbh I never leave asks so if I can… could I be like, 🥀 anon?? Thanks!!! 💜)

hi there! of course you can be 🥀 anon, welcome to my page :D i'm also very happy you like my writing ♡♡♡ tysm for reading

also i have actually only written two pieces for xiao which are as follows:

1) jealous dom xiao

2) consensual somno with dom xiao

i like to think that xiao doesn't know much about sex except that when done between a male and female, you can create another human sometimes

he doesn't really understand the love-making part of intercourse, so i have an idea of who he would try to ask lol

honestly this has a lot of plot. i have been writing so much these past few days, phew! when i have the time, i am a writing machine haha

warnings: switch!xiao and switch!fem anatomy/pronouns reader

nervous xiao, handjob (xiao receiving), lots of touching/making out lol, first-time sex for both of you :) , lube, fingering/penetration (reader receiving), soft ♡, kissing, baizhu is here but just as a side character because i ♡ him

the leather-bound book sat heavy on your desk in xiao's memory, unable to remove itself from his thoughts.

slightly worn around the edges and held closely to your face while you read it, lips thoroughly bitten. you seemed to think you were so sly when you hid that book behind you whenever he mentioned it.

so it was unusual that he had found it on your desk, for once unguarded by your form. xiao innocently opened the unlabeled cover to see what you had been reading so intently this week.

barely a few sentences in to the page, he immediately realized this was some type of erotic book. he was unfamiliar with some of these terms, purely from a lack of knowledge of human intimacies.

when he finally reached the end of the page, he snapped out of his trance, slamming the book shut with so much force it scattered the pages of your report to the floor.

never had the yaksha been more thoroughly embarrassed, cheeks stained red as he clutched his head.

he knew humans were odd, but he had never seen such a crude book. he never pegged you for the type to be interested in such things. how could one want to read about the act of producing a child?

odd.

perhaps that's how xiao ended up seeking out a personal consultation with the popular pharmacist from bubu pharmacy.

as uncomfortable as it was, the doctor was happy to make his acquaintance, keeping an even-toned expression when he welcomed the yaksha in after hours.

"i understand these concepts might be unfamiliar to you, though i mean no disrespect. these types of things are different from public displays of affection, and they aren't so easily written in literature."

xiao begged to differ based upon that book you left out so haphazardly on your desk for anyone to see.

he allowed the doctor to explain things in the most scientific way possible, trying to remain calm and collected until the yaksha suddenly held up a hand to stop him.

"i...appreciate your effort, but i already understand the act of procreation. i just don't..comprehend why humans seem to enjoy it so much."

baizhu paused, determining the best way to answer the question before he finally understood why xiao really wanted to see him. "i see. you're asking about why lovers like it so much." baizhu barely stifled a chuckle. "to be honest, it's been a while since i have done that myself, but it isn't so much about the act itself."

"how so?"

"it's about being vulnerable with someone. allowing them to see all of you while you see all of them. it's hard to let ourselves be open with everyone, especially if we have a particularly traumatic past. it can lead to becoming guarded." xiao frowned at this. "but, when you're with someone special, a normally uncomfortable situation becomes tender. intercourse becomes love-making." baizhu scratched the back of his neck, wondering if any of this was even sticking. "ah, i'm sorry if-"

xiao abruptly stood, silencing the doctor. "no need to apologize. i understand now. thank you for your time, doctor."

"oh, before you go-" baizhu stood up slower than xiao, reaching behind the counter to collect a small brown bag. "it might not be my place, but i always see mr. zhongli from the wangsheng funeral parlor here collecting peculiarly strong medicine for someone in liyue. it might be presumptuous of me, but, here." he held the bag out towards xiao. "it'll save mr. zhongli a trip here."

xiao gingerly took the bag, holding it in one palm before practically vanishing before baizhu's eyes. the pharmacist smiled to himself, shaking his head before locking up the pharmacy doors and heading home.

it had been a few days since then, and after continuous thinking, he finally decided it was the right time to ask you to do this with him.

you seemed to thoroughly enjoy that book, so surely, it would be even better to experience the real thing, no?

although, xiao had no idea how to bring this to your attention without sounding crude. why was he so nervous about something so simple? he was a yaksha. why were trivial human matters frightening to him?

when you finally came home that evening, you were surprised to see xiao waiting for you, standing in the doorway at attention, watching you almost drop your bag.

"oh, xiao-" you held a hand over your heart, laughing to yourself. "you scared me a little there."

you walked past him, opting to unpack your bag as xiao focused his steel gaze upon your form. "i don't know if you're hungry or not, but i brought your favorite." you turned, holding the container of almond tofu with a big grin.

you expected to see the usual hint of a smile on his own lips, though he seemed to remain neutral as you frowned slightly. "hey, is something wrong?" you started to feel concerned, worried you had upset the yaksha.

xiao clenched his fists as he huffed. "it's nothing. i appreciate the gesture."

you deflated a bit, causing xiao to feel that slight burn in his chest. guilt, he assumed. "alright, sure. i'll leave it here for you." you set the container back on the counter, rubbing your eyes as you put the rest of your things away.

xiao could take it no longer, wishing desperately to get this idea out of his head. "i read your book." he softly blurted out as you slowly turned towards him on your heels.

"what book-"

"the book."

"oh..." you fell silent, face feeling hot as you coughed. "well, i am, uh, sorry for traumatizing you with that, so...yeah." you averted your eyes, screaming at yourself inside your head. how could you forget to put that book back under your pillow? xiao was definitely going to disappear forever now. well done.

"do you want to try...that."

your eyes practically popped out from your skull, covering your mouth. "try what now?"

"intercourse. with- me."

xiao's face was as red as a tomato as you stared at him shocked. "i knew this was a foolish idea, i apologize for offending you. this is an insult to-"

"no!" you yelled out, moving your hands to his shoulders. "no, no, no you're misunderstanding!" you shook your head. "xiao, do you really mean it? you'd try it? with me?"

xiao nodded once, surprised by your overdramatic reaction. was it really as good as baizhu explained it to be?

he also wondered if his karmic debt would weigh too heavily on you for a moment before you gasped, shaking his shoulders with your excited gestures.

"oh, xiao, i...i wanted to ask you for a really long time. i just- i thought you'd never want to. and i never wanted to make you feel uncomfortable." you explained as xiao finally understood.

so you did want to create a child with him? to be honest, he wasn't quite sure if it was even possible, though he had heard stories of half adeptus children in liyue, namely that very popular lawyer woman.

"i'm willing to try." xiao nodded. he allowed you to excitedly lead him to the bedroom, stumbling over your own feet as you pulled him to the bed.

"there's really no need to be nervous." you told him sweetly, cradling his face between your palms as he willed himself to relax.

you were correct, and he hated to admit that a human was more wise than him.

you slowly leaned forward. "is this okay?" you questioned, noses nearly touching as he nodded, staying still and allowing you to approach him. you carefully pressed your lips to his, rubbing your thumbs across his cheekbones as you smiled into his mouth.

xiao's eyes fluttered shut as he allowed you to guide him, keeping his hands at his sides, awkwardly clutching at the blankets. you gently pulled away, feeling him lean forward to chase your lips before catching himself and opening his eyes.

you reached towards his hands now, holding them gently and placing them on your waist as you climbed into his lap. "there, that's better." you commented, kissing him deeper, swiping your tongue across the seam of his lips.

shockingly, xiao seemed to understand this gesture, parting his lips and allowing you to slide your tongue into his mouth. he seemed to find this sensation odd, gripping your hips a little tighter when you shifted against him.

he felt warm when you moved over his hips, pressing your weight down onto him as he groaned, feeling the strange sensations.

you smirked, grinding down against him as he leaned away, panting with spit-slicked lips as you held onto his shoulders tighter. "does that feel good?" you asked as his eyes closed once more, eyebrows furrowing. you giggled a little before stopping, hips growing tired before you suddenly let out a soft moan when xiao started moving your hips for you.

it was easy to forget his inhuman strength when he looked so soft. his grip was tight as he moved you at his leisure, inexperienced yet curious.

"have you- done this before?" you asked him, feeling warmth building in your core as xiao shook his head.

"never." he answered before pulling you against him once more, trembling a bit. "have you?" from the way you spoke and read it so freely, he was shocked to see you shyly shake your head.

"no...i was waiting for the right person." you admitted sheepishly. "i wanted it to be special." you smiled up at him, kissing his cheek.

xiao realized you were talking about him, making it feel like he had crystalflies in his stomach.

"here, i want to try something." you moved off his lap, opting to tug at the waistband of his pants. "we both take off some clothes so it isn't as awkward, okay?"

xiao was perplexed when he watched you shyly pull of your jacket. "i assumed it was normal to strip during this act. is it not natural?"

"huh?"

"being nude. why would you be uncomfortable with the idea?"

you paused, mouth opening and closing as you tried to think of an excuse. in that time, xiao took it upon himself to fully strip. "i have no shame in this form. i took it many years ago in honor of my savior. it is something of pride and loyalty. your form is to be respected." xiao reminded you as your eyes widened.

"well...okay." you took a deep breath, removing the rest of your clothing to match xiao as he carefully folded the fabric, placing it on the chair near the bed. "come here." you gestured as he moved towards you. "lean against the headboard."

xiao did as you commanded, feeling your gaze burn against his skin when you trailed your eyes down his body. you stopped just above his groin, feeling embarrassed as you leaned forward.

"oh! i almost forgot, i actually had something, well uh...just in case." you laughed nervously, reaching over to your nightstand, pulling out a small bottle of liquid.

"what is that?"

"it's supposed to make it easier by making your skin more slippery." you explained, uncapping the bottle to pour some on your fingers. "it'll feel much better with this. or so i've heard."

"from who?"

"...sources."

you ignored xiao's huff, carefully tracing a finger along his shaft as his hips jumped. "sensitive." you smiled, feeling his thighs go tense as you swirled your finger around the tip, playing with the slit as his cock slowly grew harder, leaning up against his stomach.

you moved your hand around him, carefully stroking in a gentle motion as he let out a groan from the slick sounds of your hand on his skin. "it...feels good, but strange-" xiao's hands clenched on the sheets as you moved your hand up and down, using the other hand to play with his heavy balls as he gasped.

as expected, he didn't last long, reaching his first orgasm quickly, coming all over your hand and his stomach, feeling sticky on your fingers as you gently eased him through his orgasm. he relaxed against the headboard, watching as you smiled to yourself.

the expression slowly faded when you realized he was still hard...?

"what- xiao, that's...weird? that's not supposed to happen."

xiao looked perplexed. "i thought humans are capable of enduring multiple orgasms."

"i mean, yeah, with breaks- they don't just keep going-" xiao cut you off by pulling you towards him, pressing your body to his.

"what do i do to return this favor?"

"well, i guess the equivalent would be fingering me? i'm not really sure about that though because-!" xiao reached his hand down to press against your wet cunt, feeling your hips jump against his touch. "xiao, hold on, i'm sensitive-"

he pressed his free hand against your fingers, collecting the leftover lube to press against your cunt, rolling his fingers over the skin messily. "xiao, there's a specific way to do it." your cheeks burned. "i'll show you." with one hand, you gripped his shoulder, the other reaching down to wrap around his wrist, feeling around for your clit until you positioned his finger pads just right.

"oh- there." you sighed, moving his fingers in circles as you moved your hips to match the motion.

"is this...adequate?"

"very," you laughed breathlessly. "but, i need you to do something else for me too."

"anything."

"before we try to put your...you know in me, i need to be, how should i say this, stretched out? they say it really hurts the first time...and i guess i'm just a little nervous because-"

"i promise i won't let anything hurt you." you were taken aback by xiao's sudden oath, looking deep into your eyes as your lips parted. "tell me what i need to do."

you carefully moved his hand down towards your hole, allowing him to feel for himself. "here?" he asked.

"yeah, just press in but be gentle, please." you whimpered as he dipped the tip of his index finger in, gently pushing as you shifted uncomfortably. "feels weird."

xiao stayed silent, eyebrows furrowed by the strange texture around his finger. it was tight, yet soft, wet, and warm as you sucked the digit in. he stuck another next to it, feeling you grip his shoulder tightly, hand falling from his wrist as you dug your nails into his bicep. "archons-"

he continued to push the digits in and out, sometimes moving his fingers a bit. he recalled baizhu explaining some of this. he called it 'fingering' or something along the lines. a fitting name indeed.

eventually you stopped him, gesturing for him to remove his fingers as he frowned. "is something wrong?"

"no, no, i just- i think i'm ready." you took a deep breath as he nodded.

he positioned his tip at your entrance, watching you worry your lip between your teeth as you felt it slowly enter you, tensing your body as he hissed.

"don't do that-" he groaned, grabbing your hips. "relax your muscles, it's too...tight."

you tried to relax, eyes tearing up slightly. it was not as excruciating as you expected, though the stretch did burn, and once you finally got through the hard part, xiao paused.

he allowed you to lean on him, taking shallow breaths as he smoothed a hand down your back. baizhu told him to be patient. he explained you would need time to adjust, that it could be painful taking something in your body this way.

xiao was glad he listened, finally feeling your heartbeat slow as he gently soothed you, albeit stiffly.

"are you okay?" he asked, feeling you nod against his shoulder. he carefully moved his hips experimentally, feeling you clutch your arms around his neck for stability, still pressed to his chest as he hummed, picking up the pace gradually.

you allowed him to buck into you at different angles, feeling him shiver as you kissed at his neck, humming into his skin.

"ah-" you suddenly arched when he hit your g-spot unexpectedly, eyes closing as xiao looked concerned. "that was- good, that was a good spot and-"

he pressed into it again, maintaining the angle of his hips as you trembled. "no, no, i'm gonna come if you keep doing that, xiao." you panicked, though he paid no mind, hearing going static as he continued to fuck up into you. "xiao-" you whined as he held you close to him.

he felt your soft breaths on his skin, hair tickling his neck as you suddenly jolted. "oh- i'm close, i'm really close, xiao, xiao-" you moaned lowly, desperately holding back.

"why are you afraid to experience orgasm?" xiao asked, breaking you from your stupor.

"huh?"

"why?"

"you...i need to keep up with you, xiao. if i- fuck, if i come now...you won't get to and i-"

"i don't mind." xiao admitted, focusing on the feeling of you squeezing around him. "i wanted to know what this was like. i didn't understand why humans were so fond of such things."

he reached down with a hand, sliding it down your stomach to press into your clit as you gasped. how did he remember where-

right. yaksha.

he had you trembling against him, orgasm washing over you as you went slack, leaning onto him and crying out his name as he shuddered, leaning back as you continued to squeeze him oh so tightly.

you felt blissed out as you slowly regained your senses, vision coming back to you as you smiled up at him.

your body still felt tingly, limbs numb as he slowly slid out of you. xiao could tell you were out of it, eyes hazy as he leaned down to kiss your head tenderly.

perhaps human intimacies weren't all completely useless.

[eldritch-spouse]

heya boss lady, im fuckin sick how would the bois take care of/neglect me

~mommy milkers annon~

How would they treat a sick s/o?

Breg is going to get so many blankets. Too many. You're cold, aren't you? You're so cold! What do you mean a fever? Huh?? That doesn't make sense. Oh God, he's not prepared for this- You're gonna die! Holy shit- Calm him down. Immediately. He's going to stress out, which will stress you out, and that's the last thing you need. You're better off calling someone else or giving Breg very simple instructions while he reads up online. What he can anyway.

Fasma, while he may not look like it, is old enough to know how to take care of a sick human. He'll actually go through the effort of staying mostly sober while you're like this. But not because he cares, he just doesn't feel like hiding the body if you kick the bucket (lies).He can have dumb conversations with your fever-fried self and help you fall asleep by retelling some stories from his past.

I hope you like soups, because Morell has so many ready... Open up, piglet. You're staying in bed and you better not whine about having no appetite- Tsk! You know, none of this would have happened if you listened to him. You're not like him, you're fragile and tiny and when Morell tells you not to run around outside like an idiot, you better listen. Or else you'll be sipping soup for the rest of your life!

Gallon is so out of his depth. Help bestie. He's not sure what to do to make you heal faster, so he just does everything for you. Chores, errands, cooking, everything and anything. You're constantly being poked so he can gouge your temperature or if anything hurts. It's going to get annoying real fast. No Gallon, this is not worth going to the hospital for- No, you're not chronically ill...

Santi knows he can't do much to help you, the incubus can't shag some strength into you, that's not how humans work. But he does know about common sickness medication, and that's what he's going to rely on first. What do you mean you won't just get better after one pill? Some doctors you humans have... Well, if nothing else, you'll get a lot of cuddling and comfort foods.

Grimbly's putting you to bed immediately. Stay. Do NOT get up. He's calling your doctor immediately. No, SHUT- If you get up, he's going to tape your wrists to the mattress. He's not having you go outside in this state. He's not the best cook either, so I hope you like salads... At least it's not junk food, right? You also need to tell the bat what you need, because he's not above getting distracted and offering you "top notch blood", or forgetting the sun won't make you get sicker.

Patches is totally convinced he can snap your sickness away with magic. And to be fair, he does have plenty of tricks up his sleeve. Problem is, he gets cocky. And he's stubborn. So if the first try doesn't work, you're better off not letting him continue, or he might try to give you something with significant side-effects. Jackass gets so focused he starts thinking of you as a test subject rather than his lover.

Vinnel is a sickness. His whole life is being sick. He's chronic illness incarnate. And therefore, probably the one that is most worried about you deep down. You're getting to a hospital immediately, no matter how mundane the symptoms. You're going, end of discussion. He doesn't show it, but he gets very emotional. He will not separate from you while you're sick, mostly out of past trauma. The jester was abandoned and left to die due to his illness, so you're going to get a lot of reassurance and not understand why.

Sybastian doesn't know what to do. At all. When he gets sick, he usually sleeps through it, so he's adamant that you get a lot of rest. Even if he has to hold you in his arms and keep you still so you don't try to wander off. Rest. After that, he's going to bother people who actually know what to do with a sick human. Probably scares the ever living shit out of some poor pharmacist... He's trying. Says one or two words and expects them to understand what he means.

Nebul, who has trained many a human before, is np stranger to the common sicknesses, and he's definitely one rigorous monster that can get you back on your feet in no time. Thing is, you're gonna follow his orders down to a T. Otherwise, you'll get punishment immediately after you're healed. You're constantly being surveillanced, even while he works. Purpur will be there to act as a splendid nurse and get you all the stuff you need. If Purpur is busy, another weirdass pet will be there to keep an eye, or several, on you.

If your partner happens to be Fank-e, please for the love of God, call a doctor and make them have a long talk with the robot. Otherwise, he's going to give you Monster drinks and put stickers on the boo-boos, generally make you sicker than you already are. He's already a hazard towards a normal person's health, stay away from the robot when you're sick please.

Ludwig mostly just helps you stay calm and content. He knows humans don't experience sickness the same way demons do, but some part of him still expects you to start fucking breaking shit and screaming bloody murder in frustration like your average wrathful folk. So he'll treat it as if you're in need of a really relaxing vacation, which is funny but still largely appreciated. Due to this irrational assumption that you'll get livid out of nowhere, Lud doesn't let other people near you too much.

Being Krulu's vessel implies that you are unaffected by most illnesses. If you ever do manage to fall sick, it's a very bad sign for you and an indicator that Krulu has weakened significantly. Be worried, mostly about them. Krulu's health is imperative to your own survival. Speak to him and gain information on how you can heal yourselves. Do not let anyone see you while you are vulnerable. There are vultures everywhere, the scent of a wounded god is like blood among sharks.

[chokiipng]

Hay fever : Genshin various

a/n : suffering from seasonal allergies isn't fun . so instead of trying to do school work, i'm gonna write hcs to make myself feel better

character(s) : Xiao, Diluc, Kaeya, Albedo, Childe contents : fluff with a bit of crack (my specialty) + : reader has really bad seasonal allergies

Xiao :

he doesn't really understand tbh

he plays it off as a common cold at first and entrusts you with Verr, much to her annoyance. he didn't realize the true severity of the situation until a week had passed.

he's heard of seasonal allergies before, so it's not like he was entirely clueless, he just didn't know how to go about treating it.

because of this, he turned into a big ball of concern for the entirety of spring

he asked everyone he could for help, even that ginger haired harbinger (to which he had no clue since he basically lives on an iceberg)

this also happened to peek Zhongli's interest, who then took him to Bubu pharmacy to learn more. it took Xiao about 5 different interrogations to actually visit Bubu, he cursed himself internally for not checking there in the first place

of course, Baizhu laughed it off and informed the both of them on how allergies work, how they're triggered, and how to prevent/soothe them

if you sneezed/sniffled, he was immediately by your side with a tissue and some water. itchy eyes, he had a small bottle of eyedrops for you courtesy of Dr. Baizhu and Qiqi

it was amusing to say the least, watching a feared Yaksha running around frantically in order to soothe your allergies

of course, he soon picked up that it was because you went outside every goddamn day to complete commissions and to pick flowers for who knows who (Qiqi, you often found yourself picking herbs with her because who could say no to that face?)

he legit locked you in your room at Wangshuu Inn and did your commissions for you. he didn't want you in any pain, so he stayed with you when he finished all of his tasks

he didn't isolate you though, but if he takes you out he makes sure you take your allergy medicine (given by Qiqi, ty bby) and that you have a mask on

Diluc :

he never really experienced hay fever, but he knows the gist of it

he's heard stories of it from customers of the Angel's Share and was immensely grateful to the Archons for blessing him with immunity to seasonal allergies

but he wasn't prepared to catch you practically sneezing your guts out one morning

Diluc drops everything, much to Adelinde's horror, and orders for a box of tissues and water immediately. he whips out the blankets from under the couch that he knew you hid and props you on some pillows he fluffed in a panicked rush

the maids watch with a nervous chuckle as he runs around the mansion, completely forgetting about his shift at the Angel's Share and his nightly heroic duties

as soon as he calms down from the initial shock of how hard allergies hit you, he asks you how your feeling and if he can do anything

the next day he asks Donna (who stutters at his mere presence), who mind you is an employee at the Floral Whisper, since Flora isn't there herself about hay fever. he figured that people who worked at a flower shop would know about allergies caused by the pollen produced by flowers

he brings back medicine that you've been instructed to take daily as to lessen the affects of your allergies

despite his day duties, he offers to take up your daily commissions during the days you are physically unable to do them or just does them of his own volition

he trusts that the maids will take care of you in his stead

in the mean time, you're allowed to roam the city as you wish, but that's about it. he threatened Lawrence and Swan that they would feel the wrath of retribution if you stepped foot outside the city

Mondstadt was a land of eternal springtime, there was no way in hell he was letting you out of the city without his supervision

while all of this may be a bit much, he makes sure to let you know that this is just him caring for you. he doesn't want to seem overbearing and trusts that you know what's happening to your body and how to treat it

Kaeya :

he laughs at your demise

what did you expect ?

but he really is worrying on the inside

he makes sure to check in with Barbara just to make sure that you're not suffering from a lethal disease

once he knows that they're just seasonal allergies, (almost) all his worries subside and he sighs of relief

he notifies Jean beforehand (but sometimes forgets), he works considerably less during the time of your allergies since he doesn't really trust anyone else to take care of you

he also doesn't drink as much, surprising, he knows

he refrains from bringing you flowers as he usually does and instead spoils you with unnecessary affection

Kaeya doesn't worry as much since he puts faith in you that you know what's going on in your body. since they're seasonal allergies, he realizes that you must've gone through this before and know how to treat it

since you can't really cure it, you just act more cautious in the outdoors

he often accompanies you on your daily commissions and such, just to be sure that your okay. he takes over the moment you pause to sneeze or itch your nose even once

aside from this, he's the other reason why your allergies are unbearable

once they're all done and over, he teases you relentlessly about how reliant you were on him when in reality it was him doing your tasks of his own volition rather than you asking him. you told him several times that you could handle it, but he persisted nonetheless

he's more reasonable during your hay fever, and despite his unnecessary comments, you find it endearing

Albedo :

he is among the few men who are actually calm during the situation, but since when is he not?

he probably already has a remedy for you that greatly lessens the affect of your allergies

but even without it, he trusts that you know how to handle it

the only factor in here that would cause chaos-

is Klee

once Klee hears you sneeze all hell breaks loose in Albedo's workspace

she runs around everywhere looking for tissues and then ends up bringing Mondstadt's entire supply, which you and Albedo laugh nervously at

once Klee calms down, you explain the bare minimum of hay fever, which she manages to understand

while he has faith that you can treat it yourself, Albedo still recommends that you stay inside more rather than going out exploring and looking for chests, to which you sheepishly comply

Jean cannot thank you enough when it comes to Klee's behavior during this season, as Klee tends to spend more time at home with you and Albedo once you finish your commissions so that "you don't feel lonely!"

she even drew you a picture to show how much she cared!

if you can't sleep at night because of your allergies, Albedo (who is probably still up working) will gladly allow you to indulge in his studies or to just simply read with you until you fall asleep

he too is also happy that you managed to tame Klee

Childe :

this man has no idea what the fuck hay fever is

need I remind you that he grew up in the land of perpetual winter, hay fever doesn't even exist to him. unlike everyone else, he hasn't even heard of the concept

so when you hold a finger up during your weekly sparring, he pauses with a curious tilt of his head

he screams in horror as you sneeze out all of your bodily fluids not once, not twice, but three times

Childe calls off the spar and cradles you in your arms as if you're about to die

it's until he rushes you to Baizhu in a panicked frenzy that he realizes that its...a fever?

now Baizhu is a patient man, he had to raise a zombie child who basically loses her memory each time she wakes up and wields a sword/cryo abilities

but he was getting tired of Childe's endless questions quick.

Childe shrieks as the normally passive pharmacist slams his hands down on the counter with a sickeningly sweet smile

he ceases in his questions, apologizes for bothering him, and races back to the Northland Bank in a cold sweat

it takes you explaining it in a calm voice for him to finally understand it

and he takes this very seriously

while he knows that it's seasonal and that you've gone through it before, he can't help but worry for you

he coddles you, and he doesn't relent even if you tell him

he slaps a mask on you, takes away your fighting privileges, and even order his subordinates to keep an eye on you at all times

that is if he's not already

he clings

he's attached to you

he just wants you to feel better, and you appreciate it, but it can get a little too much sometimes

and while you do tell him this, the same situation happens every year when spring comes around and there's nothing you can do to stop it. Baizhu can't catch a break from the rowdy harbinger

[haechanokeh]

[teaser] [ Chapter 1 ] [ Chapter 2 ] [ Chapter 3 ] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9]

pairing: popular college! mark x average! reader

genre: romance, smut, angst, series.

warning (general): corruption, oral sex (both receiving and giving), cream pie, rough sex, mention of religion, rough sex, self-esteem, public sex, sub! reader, sex toys. possessive mark two-faced mark, psychology

you cried your eyes out, face shoved in your pillow and muffling your sobs. you didn't who told you those words, it was mark but he's not the same guy you fell in love with and the guy you said yes with today. your phone was ringing nonstop so you have to turn it off but mark was too eager so he's now in front of your house banging and shouting your name begging you to open the door and talk to him.

what he told you was possible, that they didn't care for you and you have to admit that it stings but his words are not responsible for your vulnerability right now, it was the unknown mark. you didn't like him just because he's kind, it was just one out of the nth god knows the reason why you love him. he made you so special, he was right that he's the only person who cared about you in your class but the unfamiliar mark you saw a couple of hours ago was scary. it gave you goosebumps, you were frightened it's as if anytime he will hurt you.

you heard a hard stomp inside your room and you quickly sat up and surprisingly it was mark inside your room who entered the room through your open window.

"fuck, y/n." he ran into you and pulled you up into his arms. "I'm so sorry, this will never happen again." he whispered and caressed your hair. "i will not let lucas and my friends break us, shhh i am truly sorry. you only need me, so don't worry."

your body froze in shock and your heart beating so fast. he's not sorry.

"what..." you whispered in disbelief, you can't understand why he can't understand that he's wrong as well.

"we're okay now right? let's just forget everything, y/n... hmmm?" he looked at your face and looked into your eyes but he saw nothing but unpleasant. he felt rage rushing in his whole system. "what do you want! i already apologize!" he squeezed your jaw.

you were shaking in fear as his loud voice boomed in your room. his nose was flaring, his eyes were dripped with spite, and his chest where heaving. he's so mad at you and you're scared and confused.

that's when you realize, there's something wrong with him.

"m-mark, you're hurting me." you sobbed. mark snapped out of his senses. he quickly removed his hands from you and embraced you.

"I'm sorry." he sincerely said and kissed your cheeks and shove his face against it. "I'm so sorry, please don't leave me." he kept on apologizing non-stop. his hands were trembling you could feel it as he was clutching your arms.

"mark? mark?" you panicked. "mark? are you okay?" your fear from him vanished and changed into a concern to him. this is not normal.

you tried to get away from his arms but he's not budging, you stopped wriggling when you heard him whimper.

"don't leave me, can't. i really can't, i will lose myself." he begged like he's close to hopelessness. you gently pushed him to look at his face. your heart was stabbed when you saw how vulnerable he looked.

"mark..." you voice broke, you really don't know what to say because this is your first time to see him like this.

this is why mark never pursues someone or something he likes, he became possessive in fear that it will slip away from him, like his friends' admiration and respects towards him, the trust from his parents, and how they look at him as the perfect son, the people's respect on him because of his kindness and intellect, and his high grades- all of these are his goals and obsession but you're different. he can confidently allow these to get away from him in exchange of not losing you. you become his obsession. mark is aware that he has a problem but doesn't want to admit it and keep on insisting that this is part of his life... when it is not. everything about it is not normal, because when he faces rejection he felt anguish, loss, stress, and anger. there was a point where he tried to consider hurting and taking his life but he was taught that this is a grave sin and again, he felt disappointed that he is thinking of doing a grave sin which added made it worse to his anxiety. 3 years ago, he talked to his psychologist professor and was diagnosed with depression and attachment disorganized anxiety. he only attends one counseling session because he couldn't accept that there's something wrong with him and if people will find out about this he will lose all the respect.

ask him. you were pushing yourself to speak what's wrong? do you have a problem? you want to ask him but you became voiceless.

"mark, i want you to be honest to me okay?" your voice was shaking trying to control it from whimpering and tears rolling on your cheeks. "are you going through... something? do you want to talk about it?"

mark was spacing out while looking into your eyes but inside his head, it was in extreme chaos. he's having a second thoughts on telling that he has anxiety.

"mark, i love you so much but i need to understand you first so i know what to do and to make sure that you're receiving it. can you trust me?" you were convincing him and mark can see it through your eyes.

he gave up.

"i'm a mess." he broke down. mark's voice cracked and tears falling filled with hopelessness. you couldn't bare to see him like this so you pulled him into a passionate but slow kiss which he gladly responds.

you made him sit on your bed and straddle his hips, your hands were on both sides of his face and his hands were on the bed to support his body and your body. both of you where muffling your sobs.

"i was diagnosed depression and disorganized attachment anxiety" he confessed. you have no idea what is disorganized attachment anxiety, but you just understand that he has anxiety and depression, which was shocking.

mark lee, loved by everyone and religious boy have depression? that's when you realize, depression has no favoritism.

"how? you're..."

"when i was a kid, my parents are busy but i felt love every time they praise me and follow their lessons. i needed their praise and validation and i adopted it and became like... that and brought it until i grow up and to school. i never wanted to feel their disappointment and i never wanted to lose the respect of my parents, professors, and classmates but when i met you..." your eyes were locking with him. "you're the only thing i need and for the first time i never cared of losing it i thought i changed but i was wrong, nothing changed. i was just too possessive and obsess of you and when you told me you want to leave me..." his voice broke once again.

"it's going to be the end of me. it's been a long time since i felt rejected and i don't know what to do." he weeps and you felt weak.

mark has been your emotional support with fragile heart, you felt useless. instead of apologizing, you said the 3 words he always and shamelessly tells you.

"i love you." you pecked his lips. "i love you." your kissed it again and repeatedly do it while allowing the tears to fall.

he needs assurance that he is genuinely loved, which he is.

"mark, you are you still going to a psychiatrist?" making sure that he's managing it very well, but he shook his head. he needs help, someone who's more reliable. you hope that the next statement you will tell him will not take it as a bad thing. you rub his cheeks.

"you need to, aren't we pharmacists? aren't we push people to comply and adhere?" you smiled sadly.

"what will they think? my parents will be disappointed and sad at me, they will blame it to themselves, i know them y/n. and the people around me, they will think that i am fragile." you could see how frustrated he was.

"i thought you don't care about them anymore? i thought what matters is me? and what i think is that i love you and will love you more regardless of seeing one." you want to tell him that one day if you will do something wrong he might hurt himself or the people around him but you don't know if it's the right thing to say. this is why he needs to talk to a professional and you also need one because you can talk to them on what is the right thing to do to help mark and support him.

"if i do this you will never leave me?" you felt bad, now mark is now losing trust on you.

"if you do that, i am always right there with you." you kissed his forehead.

"and if i don't?"

"and if you don't..." you rest your forehead against his. "i am always with you."

you stared at each other for a long time sharing tons of emotion and you didn't know when it happened but both of you can't keep your hands to yourself. you're hovering over him touching him everywhere and his hands are all over your back.

you're grinding yourself hard on his pants, both of you panting but your lips never got separated, instead, it gets deeper. you pulled the hem of his pants and boxer. you pushed aside you shorts and sunk down to his length.

"fuck, that was hot." mark coulnd't help but blurt that out. you started to bounce, hands gripping his shoulders. he squeezed your breast underneath your shirt when suddenly the door clicked opened along with a women's gasp.

both of your heads turned towards the door's direction. it was your mom wearing his office uniform, holding a bowl with jaw-dropping in surprise. mark panicked, and so do you. you pulled mark's head and pulled it towards your breast, you want to gatekeep him.

"mom!" you shouted.

"i-i'm sorry I thought you look so down.. ohh..." you actually don't know what she just realized but she's nodding her head like now i get it "you have--"

"mom, get out!" she quickly closed the door.

"just so you know i will be here at 8, but if you want i can come here by 9! you can continue-"

"mom!" she made you feel embarrassed.

"my daughter has a boyfriend! finally!" she squealed as if the pigs finally learned how to fly. your mom thought this day wouldn't come but good lord your mom saw mark's face and at that moment she knew she needs mark's gene in her family tree.

"as much i loved your breast, i love to look at your face more." mark said. you release his head.

"my mom is just like that I'm sorry." you heard your mom honked. mark grinned and you gave him an apologetic look. "are you still in the mood?"

"i'm afraid i'm not anymore." mark chuckled. there's so much going on inside him plus he was slightly concerned what your mom thought of him. your mom caught him making with you but she seemed cool though but it was awkward.

"me too." deep down your blaming your mom.

you went back to class, you can't let mark skip[ another class again. you have to be a good influence. it was awkward but everyone already knows that you're dating, there's no reason to hide it and might just embrace it. mark apologized to the whole class, he didn't tell them his condition but he told them that he's going through something. even though mark still thinks that they are just using him, though at first that's how you perceived them but that really changed, for you it was a genuine friendship, they were so forgiving and i hope one day mark will accept that friendship.

since them, things went good though not perfect. his parents blamed themselves but you told them that that's the reason why mark didn't want to tell it to them, instead of continuing blaming themselves, they will give them all the love and support. mark never missed a session and you never missed going with him also.

and for the first time, you went to their church and the pastor is mark's father. you thought it was going to be like a normal day but...

"mark..." you sighed when he increased the intensity of the vibrator that he slipped while his father preaching. the front seats were occupied while you and mark are the only ones seating at the back.

you're squeezing and rubbing your thighs together, you felt so hot and wet. you badly want to moan, but that will be hard because you felt like once you moan, it will never stop.

"are you calling me love?" mark innocently asked you, he was saying that while putting the vibrator on max. you mouth opened while looking at mark's eyes. mark kept his smile while watching your orgasm face. he's doing unholy inside but worth it. he off the vibrator.

unfortunately all you can hear mark's father but can't understand it. you're still in ecstasy.

"my friends and family, it's not about finding the right person, it is becoming the right person, and if both partners think this way even the wrong shadows will be lighted by understanding. it's like saying i am the right person for the right person. tell this to your partner."

"i am the right person for the right person." mark whispered into your ears.

"hmm? what?" you weakly said. your eyes still closed. mark just chuckled and kissed your forehead.

"nothing." then put the vibrator to max.

"mark!" you screamed and everyone turned their heads towards you. you blood went down to your feet and nervously smile. "i- love your son sir..." you embarrassingly confessed. mark was trying to suppress his laugh while the people around you awed.

"and that's an example of my preach today."

you glared at mark, he just grinned and kiss your love.

"i love you too." he said.

"i want to smack you in the head." you angrily said. he just laughed.

this is going to be the last chapter. sorry for waiting to much, BUT there's a BONUS chapter there's no story on that just pure 🥵

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[beldaroot]

I’ve never read the IT book (pls i promise i’m not a fake fan!!) but could you describe the scene where eddie confronts his mom in the book and how it differs from the movie confrontation bc you make it seems as if eddie reacted differently?

omg pls i would never consider you a fake fan just because you didn't read the book! you've honestly saved yourself hours of grief and batshit craziness, so count yourself lucky haha! although, if you ever do get your hands on the book, i think you should definitely take the time to read the chapter "eddie's bad break" because it's such a fascinating and heartbreaking chapter where eddie discovers all the truths and lies in his life but also tries to navigate through this new reality as any eleven year old can do.

the events in the book vary drastically from the movie so let me give a bit of context. in the book, eddie learns that his aspirator is actually a placebo directly from the pharmacist mr. keene. eddie is understandably upset and confused, but most of all feels betrayed. and right when he's trying to figure his feelings out, he runs into the bowers gang. they have a chase and then he gets his arm broken by henry and starts laughing because he notices he can breathe and run normally. and for the first time he felt "real pain" and realized he could "still exist inside the pain, in spite of the pain." he then gets taken to the hospital where he gets his cast put on and ofc his mother is blowing a gasket and being her usual controlling self about how to "properly" treat eddie. she turns the losers away from visiting eddie at the hospital, and that's when eddie confronts her.

there are a hundred screenshots i could make of this chapter, but i think these ones show just how eddie's demeanor changed while confronting his mom and sonia's clear panic. the most interesting aspect about this confrontation is that it's all in sonia's point of view. so, we get direct knowledge in how she thinks of eddie and know undisputedly, that she is manipulating eddie for her own selfish needs.

and this screenshot is right after the confrontation, switching back to eddie's point of view.

another thought-provoking aspect of the confrontation is that eddie appears to be very calm and "stormy," indicating that he's not like his usual self. it's speculated that maturin (the space turtle that created the universe and is good/neutral guardian that wants to defeat It) possessed eddie when he confronted sonia. i believe eddie is obviously brave enough to confront his mother on his own, but i also believe maturin had a helping hand because it knew that eddie was a vital part in destroying It and in order to accomplish that goal, all seven of the losers needed to be together and sonia was actively trying to separate the losers club. also, another reason i think maturin could have possessed eddie is because eddie very blatantly manipulates sonia back during this confrontation; he "traps" her by saying he'll continue to use the aspirator knowing that it's fake, as long as he gets to keep his friends. eddie isn't very manipulative by nature, so this compromise might have been instigated by maturin. plus, we see the "real" eddie return once he asks for a hug, showing that he is inherently caring and forgiving even though his mother lied to him.

so obviously, the book confrontation is much more complex and difficult to translate onto the screen. it's why i don't criticize muschietti (shockingly lol) for going in the direction that he did for the movie confrontation. i think the same elements are there: we see eddie be impulsive and stand up to his mom in a behavior that deviates from his normal self, his mom still has that creepy manipulative attitude when she darkly says "they help you eddie. i had to protect you.", then eddie confirming that his friends are the real people who protect him, and finally even when he's leaving he's still apologizing to her, which shows his true complex feelings for her. so while i'll always enjoy the book confrontation more because of its depth, the movie still did a decent job and was iconic in its own right (and we really have to thank jdg for that improv haha)!