#i don't really know

[nonbinary-corvid]

Unhinged pinterest conversation with someone who is not in the hannibal Fandom. I think I nailed my hannibal impression.

[hyperfixiation-station]

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Information Pt.3

TW: Blood, Torture, Violence

Summary: You get rescued(finally)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 4

Silent. From the moment Price had found you in that dingy cell, broken and bleeding, that was all you had been. You were silent when they moved you, though it had to have hurt with how many broken bones and lacerations you had. You were silent when the medics asked you where you were injured, how you had been hurt. You were silent through the debriefings, through the desperate attempts to find out what you had been through, what secrets you had spilled. You were silent through all of it. 

It wasn’t your fault, not really. A mental barrier you had constructed during months of torture to keep secrets from spilling, a dam built with a mantra of DON’T TALK to keep your thoughts at bay as your captors repeatedly tried to draw them out of you. 

Even now, when the rational part of your brain knew you were safe, knew that these men, the men you served with, the men who had tracked you down and saved you, were to be trusted, the barrier would not fall. 

Every ‘what did they want from you, what did you see, did you recognize them, how many of them were there’ was met with silence. Anytime you opened your mouth you were hit with a wave of fear so strong it sent you into a panic attack. 

They understood, in part. They had seen recordings, seen the rooms, seen your broken body at the time of rescue. 

It took them 2 days to get to you after figuring out your location. They went in guns blazing, and tore the place to the ground. They split up, Price and Gaz taking the left with Soap and Ghost taking the right. They shot at anything that moved in their quest for vengeance, breaking down doors and checking every nook and cranny for where you might be locked up. 

Price found you about a quarter of the way into the camp. He took the bottom floor and Gaz took the top as they cleared the building. He had stopped before a door that was different, metal and welded shut with a small little flap in the middle, instead of solid and wooden like the others. It took him and Gaz some prying and metalwork, but they got the door open. 

Price almost cried when his eyes adjusted to the change in light. You lay curled in the corner, back to the wall as you shied away from the light. Your hair was tangled and matted with dried blood, your clothes were torn and dirty and your skin was crusted with so much blood and grime that he couldn’t even see you underneath it. 

“Y/n?” He had called, but there was no response. He crept slowly toward you, keeping his movements as open and relaxed as possible. He crouched in front of you, taking note of your dilated pupils, sunken eyes, obviously malnourished form. He winced at the weird bulges in your skin, indicative of broken bones. 

“Sorry love.” He whispered to you, taking a steadying breath as he slid his arms under you and lifted. Hise expected you to cry out, the action no doubt causing unspeakable pain, but you didn’t. In fact, you didn’t react at all. He didn’t dwell on it then, opting to get you somewhere safe and secure. 

“9 broken ribs, a broken left femur, both shoulders dislocated, pneumonia, dehydration and severe malnutrition, multiple lacerations that required stitches, broken wrists, all 10 fingers broken, right kneecap dislocated, multiple concussions, and a hairline fracture on their skull.” The doctor had said. It hurt all of them to hear how badly wounded you were. 

They gave you two weeks to recover before asking any questions. The first week you were unconscious, in a coma as your body tried to heal you. The second week you spent in worrying silence, saying nothing to anyone, not to your doctors, not to your teammates, not to your friends.

Price sent Ghost in first. He had had similar experiences and Price figured he would be able to relate. However when Ghost came storming out an hour later, slamming the door behind him, he came to regret that decision. 

“I got over it.” He had said, “Why can’t they?” Price reminded him that not everyone responds to trauma the same way and sent him away.

Soap tried next, and came out near tears after sending you into a panic attack after calling you ‘Little Bird’. He was confused until Ghost not-so-gently reminded him of the video they had seen, of the words ‘Pretty Bird’ being used over and over. Ghost pretended not to hear him throwing up in the toilet later. 

Gaz tried, to no avail. He ended up just sitting in silence with you, showing you videos of his cats. He counted it a victory when your busted lips twitched into a tiny grin for a few seconds.

And on and on it went, with refusing to speak to anyone. They were losing hope until the psychiatrist finally spoke with you. 

“GIve them time.” She said gently, “You trying to force a response will just make this worse.” 

So they do. The higher-ups still want answers, of course, but Price manages to dissuade them from asking until you are out of the hospital. They spend the weeks treating you as normal as possible, stopping by to give you updates on missions, show you a video of Soap absolutely biffing it in training, tell you the latest gossip of which recruit is sleeping with who. But even though they are trying, they still handle you with kiddie gloves, afraid that the wrong word or look will make you shatter irreversibly. 

Which brings you to now. It’s nearly 2 A.M, and visiting hours are long over as you stand unsteadily in the bathroom, staring at your pale, pathetic form in the mirror. You open and close your mouth, trying and failing to get words out, the barrier cemented in your mind by blood and tears too strong to break down.  

‘Speak, you stupid fucking bitch!’ You scream mentally at yourself, ‘You have to speak! If you don’t you'll be discharged and you'll never be able to serve again! They already think you’re broken, and if you can’t tell them different they’ll never treat you the same. Stop. being. So. Fucking. Pathetic.’

Tears streak your cheeks as you slide down the wall. You draw your knees up, hiding your face in them as your shoulders shake with silent sobs. Rationally, you know you are safe. Rationally, you know that if you were to speak, nothing would happen. But it’s not the rational part of your brain that is keeping you from speaking. 

Going dark in that hellhole you were trapped in had saved your life, and you couldn’t seem to get past it. Sure, not responding had almost killed you right at first, as Kravchenko became more and more ruthless in his attempts to get you to speak again, but eventually he grew bored. His little plaything had lost its sparkle, and he locked you in a cell and threw away the key as soon as he lost interest. But starving to death was still a better alternative to the all-consuming agony that had been your day-to-day. 

And now, the subconscious, irrational part of your brain was convinced that if you spoke you’d be dragged right back and strapped to a table, that you’d wake up to find that your rescue had all been a dream. That you-

“-/n! Y/N! Y/N!” You flinch, startled out of your reverie. You look down to see rivulets of blood running down your arms, your nails having gouged holes into your skin. You look up to see the eyes of a worried nurse, holding your hands in hers. 

“There you are. We lost you for a minute. Do you mind letting me bandage you up here?” Her voice is soft and gentle and you find yourself nodding, letting her lead you back to your bed where she cleans and bandages your upper arms. 

“What are you doing up so late sweetie?” Her voice is calming, almost hypnotic, “I mean, I’m awake cause I get paid to be, but you should be sleeping all your injuries away, shouldn’t you dearie? If I was you, I’d of been cryin’ too, being awake at 2 A.M. for free.” She laughs, the sound echoing through the room, “Course, I suppose you probably think I’m crazy for agreeing to work this shift anyways. Did you know I was supposed to have this shift off? But Roberta’s kids have the flu and so I agreed-” She keeps talking, her voice soothing your fears and helping you relax. YOu can’t help but mentally thank Roberta’s kids for being sick, for sending this wonderful lady who does not treat you like you're going to break at any moment to you tonight. 

“And that should about do it dearie. Just press that little call button if you need any more help, alright?” She says cheerfully. She squeezes your hand and heads to the door before pausing. 

“Make sure to get some sleep.” She leaves, gently closing the door behind her. Something about her makes you feel safer than you have since falling off that helicopter. Maybe it was her motherly demeanor, maybe it was the fact that she treated you like a normal human being, maybe it was the fact that she could have put you on a psych hold an ddin;t, but whatever it was, you loved her for it. 

And as the door closes and the room stills, you whisper a quiet “thanks.” 

Part 4?

~tags~

@louthedino @scarletdfox @dangerkitten1705 @warenai @spineless-spino @rainy-darling

[emloafs]

cobra kai s6 part 3 trailer reaction (spoilers ahead!!)

gonna need them to stop using the "we used to be enemies" line in every single trailer

HUGE fan of all the flashbacks to different fights (feels very fitting since this is the end - would love to see a flashback or more references in the episodes)

perhaps i lied because HALF of this trailer is flashbacks maybe moderation is ok next time

"a kid died" PERIOD THANK YOU DANIEL FOR EMPHASIZING THAT IVE BEEN SAYING IT

funeral for kwon is craaaaazy

"what am i even fighting for?" sam you know honestly been trying to figure that out ! this tournament seems dumb now ! thank you for always being the logical one !

i smell an axel crash out (he scares me)

period tory she IS A BITCH

i fear something bad will happen to robby (NO ONE TELL ME ABOUT THE LEAKS)

or something is gonna happen to sam cuz why is miguel rushing forward in distress like that!!!!!! ahh!!!!

ROBBYS MOM CAME TO THE TOURNAMENT 😭😭😭😭

the 0.2 seconds of demetri and eli i- ARE THEY DOING THE BINARY BROS THEME SONG I CANT OMFG (if this is their last scene together i'll sue)

gimme something sappy with daniel and johnny please

review: not enough eli and demetri 2/10

[somerandomdudelmao]

I CANT HELP IT HOW DETAILED YOU CAN BE

The way the ninpo almost looks like its Mixing with each other when Donnie holds Mikey, his uniform rectangles overlapping Mikeys painful squiggles I

AHHHH, TY FOR THE GOOD FOOD

(Also, I can't help but notice Leo had no ninpo light up when he was carrying mikey 🥺🥺 ahhhh)

Thank you:>

And. Yeah.

Leo lost his ninpo before Cassandra found Casey. So Casey's basically never seen his sensei use magic in his life.

[the-official-failure]

Vent post

I think I've officially burnt out, i never feel like doing anything, going anywhere anymore. There was a time when i was on top of everything, i used to be good at things, i was someone. All i wanna do is sleep and lie around. I feel so fucking useless, what happened to me? How does a gifted kid become this, I've emotionally burnt out too, my parents i don't even defend myself against them anymore, they'll say anything and i just nod and keep my head down, I don't have the energy to fight anymore, they treat me like an animal anyways, like an outsider

My thing was that i was gonna study a lot and get out of here but i can't sit still and not zone out, i haven't touched my studying stuff in about 10 days, what am i supposed to do??

I can't even tell anyone, I've gotten too far in the hole of being the bubbly energetic always happy person in real life, I can't dig myself out of it anymore, i can't tell anyone the shit my parents do, the one person i trusted, my own best friend doesn't give a fuck about me anymore, she's too busy trying to be a popular girl, she was the only person id talk to, i opened up, i told her everything, everything and it's like she just ditched me

I hate always being so blue, i hate the fact that i haven't felt happy in months, i hate that I think i don't deserve to be happy, I hate that i don't have the energy to push myself anymore, to do something

It's so weird being sad around the holidays, watching everyone be happy with their families and then wondering what I did to deserve this

[yourspacevirus]

Dedicated to that one person probably.

[lilyosamu]

I was scrolling on tik tok and i saw a video that talk how Fyodor isn't selfish and thinks that what he does is for humanity and etc etc.

I agree but what hit me hard is that when i think about Fyodor I think how intelligent he is, ofc he isn't as intelligent as Ranpo but also there are diffrent kind of intellience so you can't really compare that easily, Fyodor is more calculative than Ranpo.

Omg does it shows how i write that I have ADHD I wanted to say something that i didn't even wrote, i went to 3 diffrent things. I need to stay focus.

What i want to say is that as much that Fyodor and Dazai or Ranpo are intelligent they are delusional. I guess it's pretty funny to think about

Ranpo can crack any cases but not really people or he didn't understand when he was younger that others weren't as intelligent as him.

Fyodor is delusional to think that whatever he does it's good because clearly it's not, his view is twisted

And

Dazai is the same, sorry for Dazai defenders but he is clearly depressed and depression can influance the thinking of a peron more importantly a human so just by that Dazai could know he is a human because he struggles but that's another story damm i need to stay focus.

I guess it's interesting to see humans that have an iq above 200 but are still prisoners of their minds because their weakness is being human.

because only humans have self conscious and judge everything, have crtical thinking and i personality

[allasters]

Hey tumblr.com, here's this guy

[starlostlix]

MORE BSD 117 SPOILERS IM TALKING MORE ABOUT BRAM AND AYA AND ALSO AKUTAGAWA

I think Asagiri really did well with writing them (to me Asagiri is actually really good at writing character dynamics especially duos, it's extended plot lines where things may get messy).

There's symbolism/shared themes both ways. For example, carrying people on their back. It's what Aya spent a long while doing when Bram was still part sword, and it's what Bram used to do for his daughter. Bram's daughter even said that one day she'd even carry Bram on her back because she'd become strong - which she didn't necessarily get to do because of her young death. But Aya, who looks almost exactly like her, was able to. Bram through Aya got to see what his daughter would have grown to do and saw her strength develop when faced with.... well whatever has been going on at this airport. Not only did it let Bram hold up the promise he made to his daughter, but it also let him protect her when he couldn't before.

Knights. The promise Bram made to Aya was that he'd be her knight and protect her from all harm. Likely he made a similar one to his daughter. And he, through circumstances that aren't his fault, has broken that promise to Aya. But this time he doesn't seem to be too mad at himself - I mean Aya is pretty mad at him, and Bram may have to die with the idea that she hated him for it (which may be punishment enough). That's because Aya is still alive and will be protected after his death, the way his daughter couldn't be. Protected by Akutagawa, yes, but also by her own strength - she has to be her own knight. She's got the strength that has built up over her life and the time Bram has known her, contrasting the way Bram couldn't see his daughter become strong as her life was taken too early. Aya has now two knights - herself and Akutagawa.

There's also this flashback vs this moment. Seemingly promises and grief are very important here. The father was both angry for breaking his own vow to protect her and also cried for his daughter. The daughter was angry as he broke his vow to protect her and yet cried for her 'father'. They both feel anger, usually directed at Bram himself for breaking a promise of protection. But that anger cannot overshadow Aya's grief. Seemingly, both of them would not ever have much time together on the mortal plain. But, despite the tragedy, Bram has found not only a way to reunite with his daughter but also protect Aya, her doppelgänger, the way he couldn't with his daughter. He leaves Aya's protection in the hands of Akutagawa (and Aya herself), and rejoins his family in the afterlife.

Now, Akutagawa is finally back and not a vampire, and with a new purpose - to protect Aya from harm. And in this page here, his eyes are drawn differently - his eyes have some light. Since BSD uses eyes as a way to show the level of taintedness of a character's soul, and traditionally akutagawa's eyes have been fully black, it is clear that there has been a change in Akutagawa. He has a new purpose away from Dazai and the Port Mafia that has seemingly healed some of what tainted his soul. He's protecting someone, as he usually does with Atsushi, but now it's of more noble intentions of protection and less of a desire for recognition from Dazai. There's no part of protecting Aya that truly benefits him, his only goal here is the protection of a young child who has been forced into the middle of a conflict. In a way, he's protecting someone similar to his younger self or his younger sister, who by circumstances were forced to fend for themselves at an early age. And I think that might be what's healing him, an element of closure or something like that. Proof that he can protect someone like himself and his sister or his childhood friends, with less rash behaviour and a more effective approach. If that's what ends up happening, comparisons to Beast would be really interesting.

[I think I just wanted to talk about this chapter like this because it's really interesting and none of my irls have kept up with BSD in ages. The end kind of slid into theorising what may happen next but mostly it's just cool stuff about the chapter I think. Am I going to talk about Kunikida and Tanizaki and all that?... I don't know yet I can never be sure that anyone in this series is dead besides Bram.]

[lindyloosims]

I've been MIA for the past couple of days because my game has become majorly laggy recently, more and more each day. This started after the last update at Christmas so I'm not sure if I have something outdated or if EA has totally fubar'd my game.

Anyhoo, my plans have been scuppered and I don't really know how to solve it, maybe get rid of some of the 82+GB of mods and CC I hear you say? Well that would help but as in life, I am a hoarder in the virtual world too!

Happy Saturday folks!

[evermore-4-life]

to me clara bow is taylor appreciating the women who came before her, and the women who came after her, while also criticising the industry that she is such a big part of, and doing both of those at once is just so her

[wanderingmind867]

I feel like lately i've been getting more used to my posts not getting as much attention. Shockingly, I seem to be tolerating the fact that my posts haven't had as much attention lately with more patience. Usually I'd have made five vent posts about not seeing my posts get attention, but i only made one post about it within the week. So that's pretty good for me, and i'm taking it as a sign that i'm more capable of tolerating my posts not getting much attention nowadays. Well, it's either that or i've just been so stressed by the idea of company coming over that i've had no chance to vent about my posts not getting attention.

[silvers-random-art-blog]

i can't do actual dynamic poses for shit or hands so uh

go practice sketch from 2 AM!!!1!1!!!1

[shent-shent]

Felt like making an oc for hxh, because why not, most of us are guilty in doing such stuff :'), anyways, meet wii, she lives in her bag, absolutely useless as a fighting force, so mostly uses defence technics and, unfortunately somehow produces volumes of nen in her guts, and looks for ways to get rid of it, if she won't, guess what? Bingo, an explosion 🤌. As one of the ways to solve the problem stacks produced nen in spheres, and uses them as a life energy bombs to cure deprived kids and like restore missing limbs and stuff. Childhood drama: lost her favourite old woman:( (she was smashed by a giant rock :(( )

Nen abilities? Well, she lives in her bag, what's what I call true happiness (literally, there's a house inside)

Sand boards the desert, because why not

She's cool honestly, she even passed the Mary sue test, that's remarkable, just don't take this seriously

[pardonmydelays]

I think YouTube shorts or the IG reels have it too. Definitely siri, but her voice is more robotic.

Hello Poppy, you should watch this video today! I heard it's a real human voice though

but the only reels i watch are the ones from clancy tour so...