#i don't like to get into discourse but i'm tired

[seimsisk]

I'm gonna be honest here, I used chatgpt to write some emails and abstracts two years ago. I did it because I was at the end of my rope and I knew it would take me weeks to write a couple paragraphs and abstracts are basically just summaries but I just couldn't get my anxious ADHD brain to do it. I knew doing those tasks without help would be painful and slow and would fuck with my already tattered self esteem and also my schedules. I knew that because it wasn't the first time I had to do such tasks under such circumstances. Those were not small tasks. They were not easy. I had written hundreds of emails in my life and tbh each single work email was a challenge and the stuff I had to write was complex, and I had written dozens of abstracts in my life and the thought of writing a couple more in a tight schedule kinda made me wanna kill myself. None of this is exaggeration; if anything I'm underselling how it felt like.

Writing those emails and abstracts with help from chatgpt was magical. It undercut my anxiety somehow, and I managed what I had never managed before - I actually managed to complete all those tasks on time. The result was subpar ofc, but the fact that I managed to submit subpar results and not hate myself was in itself a win. I'm not sure how much harder it would have been to get my degree without that small help. I might have lost another month or two or twelve, because these things can become a snowball.

Two years later, my mental health is much better. My confidence is better. I can write several emails on a good day, but even when I don't have a good day I can still write an email in a couple of days. I haven't used chatgpt since then, because I can do so much better now. But I haven't forgotten the suffering that led me to it, and I'm so tired of the discourse here just completely dismissing it. "All of us used to write emails ourselves" yeah maybe (I mean I sure asked for help several times to the point of overburdening my partner probably) but at what cost? It's like sure I could jog everytime I need to go buy my groceries and certainly in the long term it would be healthier, but also there would be times when I would go hungry because jogging would be too hard, no matter how much practice I had.

I have many criticisms of genAI and maybe we should avoid relying on it too much but we don't need to pretend like it's not fulfilling a real need here.

the scariest thing about the generative AI thing is how quickly people have accepted it as an indefinite, irrevocable part of their reality. people have genuinely convinced themselves that ChatGPT is the only solution to most tasks - tasks they did with their own brain without any large effort two years ago. like you know damn well all of us used to write emails ourselves why are we pretending like this is an impossible task to do with your own two hands. what's with the fucking. AI revisionism. i feel like i am going insane.

[muxshwriting]

revelation

charles leclerc x reader

summary: it could never work again. could it? you don't know unless you try || warnings: mental health, angst, fluff || word count: 895 || masterlist

part one to this: doomsday

REQUEST: hii! i loved doomsday!!! would you consider a part 2?

You stayed at the hospital until Pascale arrived, gently excusing yourself. You can't escape the fearsome hug Pascale pulls you into, whispering how grateful she was that you had come at all and how she missed your weekly coffee dates. The woman had been so kind to you during your relationship with Charles, meeting you every week for a girls day where you could forget how rocky things had become.

Charles was discharged a day later, a little quieter, a little more strained, Pascale had texted you. You hadn't asked her to but were thankful for the update, the knowledge that he was doing better.

One of the F1 gossip columns had gotten a picture of Charles leaving the hospital, scarf wrapped tightly around his neck, hands shoved deep into pockets and eyes tired. The discourse online all seemed to be as worried about Charles as you had been, finally seeing what you had said for months. But you didn't feel vindictive, or proud. It was simply sad.

Weeks passed without a call, without a text, without an update. You weren't sure what you were expecting, a thanks for coming to the hospital that you weren't entitled to. Maybe it didn't matter. You hadn't come back for him, you went because part of you always would have and because if you didn't, who would?

Then there's one night, without warning, where the doorbell of your apartment rings. You're not expecting anyone but having friends drop by isn't unheard of. You open the door just a fraction and it's Charles standing there, soaked to the core.

It's been raining, his hair sticking to his forehead like in all the movies. But his eyes, they look far more miserbale than you'd ever seen them.

"Charles?"

"I shouldn't be here." He says quickly. "I know I shouldn't be here but can you hear me out? Please?"

For a moment you think about saying no, shutting the door, being sane and moving on entirely, not being dragged back to that part of your life. But instead, you take one look at Charles and step aside, "Come in, I don't want you to get pneumonia."

He walks in silently, water dripping from his coat. He glances around the living room like it's a stranger to him, like it wasn't once half his. He notices the empty vase on the sidebard where flowers from him always used to stand. Now it collected dust and just looked sad.

You bustle through the closet in your bedroom, coming back with a towel for Charles that he doesn't immediately use. It's clutched in his hands, knuckles turining white when he rfinally wipes his face from rain.

"I lost you because I was trying not to lose everything else." He finally says, voice low and quiet. "In the end I just lost everything."

You wait for him to keep going, seeing the desire on his face.

Charles looked down at the towel, then back up at you. "I stepped away." His voice shook slightly. "After the hospital, I… I pulled out of every media commitment. I stopped doing double training sessions. I fought the team when they tried to push. I started seeing someone. A doctor." He forced a small, almost broken laugh. "For therapy. For everything."

You blinked, stunned by the admission.

"I didn’t know how to stop," he said. "Until you left. And then it all caught up to me. And I realized… I was doing it for the wrong reasons. Not because I loved it. Because I thought I had to earn it every second. Prove I was worth something."

The tears burning in your eyes weren’t fair, you decided. They weren’t fair at all.

"I'm not asking for forgiveness," His voice cracked slightly. "I don't ever expect that but I owe you the fact that I'm trying to be better. I'm trying to be the man you saw in me."

You exhaled slowly. A shaky breath that sounded too much like relief. "I never wanted you to change who you were, Char," you whispered. "I just wanted you to live."

The room was so silent you could pick out the individual raindrops hitting the glass windows. You stare at the man in front of you, the broken but beautiful boy who had finally seen what you'd been begging him to see for so long.

You reach forward to wipe a raindrop from his cheek, or is it a tear? He leans into your touch like he hasn't felt touch for years, like a man starved.

"What if we try something new?" You ask tentatively and see him perk up. "We can't go back, so we make something else, something better?"

He nods, quickly, desperately, "Anything. Anything you'll give me. And I'll give you every-"

"No." The remark is short and sharp and you see Charles recoil slightly. "You don't have to give me everything, just give me you. Keep everything for yourself."

He swallows, hard. "We figure it out. Together."

"We start slow, we see where it goes."

For the first time in a while, Charles smiles. Then, through the cracks, soft and a little tired, you smile too.

Maybe the love you share wasn't about saving someone, but choosing them again once they learned to save themselves. And this time, no one would need saving, so you could just choose.

feel free to send in a request xx

[beelxebub]

i totally get why people make the captain a military man or ex-military in modern AUs because it makes sense but i personally believe he would simply be one of those middle aged autistic men whose special interest is wwii military vehicles

[noodlesarecheese]

Full disclosure I'm a couple episodes behind in WWW, so I'm not 100% on every thing that's being discoursed about, but I've seen enough that I just want to remind people/beg people to remember:

You are watching The Nuance Show, DMed by Mr. Philosophical Nuance and played by Notable Lovers of Nuance.

[fiona-fififi]

...

[eddiediaaz]

how about you don't drag me with your trash opinion? "tOrTuRe PoRn FoR bUcK" buck is a grown ass 30-something man that made his own decision. no one tortured it out of him

[baphofemme]

i'm sure this has been touched on before but i'll never get over how privileged one must be to make disgusting assumptions about gofundmes assisting palestinians fleeing an ongoing genocide being scams. y'all had no problem paying for checkmarks here on tumblr and donating to ao3 but the minute you're asked to do the bare minimum regarding supporting palestine outside of performative activism it's an issue. not to mention how blatantly racist that entire line of thinking is to begin with!

[moregraceful]

hope everyone who got a creator subscription notif from me today realizes something deeply unwell and bizarre happened to me in march

[otterpuppss]

to save you a Google:

medical eye exam is preformed by an Ophthalmologist who exams and tests for neurological and physical maladies (medical dx)

eye exam (just for glasses or contacts) is preformed by an optician (not a dr) and is usually it's own separate insurance.

[bad-traffic-smp-ideas]

Two things:

Here's a WikiHow article on how to block tumblr tags. I think this will help to "get him off your screen," so to speak.

And here's a place that I think would better fit asks like this ^^

Don't make me tap the sign:

You're welcome to dislike characters and creators and other things as much as your heart desires, but like, please don't send asks that are just meant to highlight your dislike for something. I don't want those bad vibes here. Just block and move on, self-curation is a very powerful (and necessary) thing in online spaces.

[gloomyshoujo]

Urgh yea, I think I should unfollow certain tags here because the constant bitching is really tiring.

Not naming the fandom, but having to constantly see posts pop up that say "I SWEAR guys I'm not like those other sickos who ship that NASTY thing. I enjoy this series the RIGHT way. *barf emojis everywhere* why is this fandom so GROSS about shipping! These freaks should die!" blah blah you get the gist.

On one hand, it allows me to block these complainers before they ever have the chance of accidentally coming to my blog (which highly doubtful I'm like a ghost and I don't even participate in said fandom); but on the other hand, it's irritating as hell. They don't use a tag I can use to mute them out, so I'm constantly bombarded by their negativity.

Like, not saying they have to ship it, but leave these people alone? At least they tag their stuff; so if it bothers them, they can easily mute. But their constant hate/harassment is put in general tags; so unless I wanna block out EVERYTHING, I'm stuck having to see their crap.

Genuinely feel bad for these shippers because they're just doing their own thing, having fun, making art/fics/etc, and building community. But these peoples 1 solidarity with one another is to shit or harass others.

[dirtytransmasc]

Are yyou team green or black? And why?

team green, though I'm not in support of every green character (namely Otto though my opinion of him is complicated. I also have opinions on Aegon and his characterization that makes it even more complicated)

[I have only read bits and pieces of the book, so my opinion is based almost solely on the show. keep this in mind]

I'm team green for 3 big reasons. they're more complex, thought not perfect by any means, more morally "right", and are simply more my vibe when it comes to characters. now this is very simplified and not at all nuanced, so stick with me for a minute.

Firstly, they're more complex. the greens have very deep, detailed, and nuanced lives and stories that lead to them being very complex characters that can't be put into a box. Alicent was a child bride who had lost her mother young became a mother young and suffered at the hands of power and men all her life. her children were affected by this and the world they were forced to grow up in throughout their lives. even individually her kids are drastically different; aegon the child who was forced into a life he did not want and suffered due to his father neglect and mother pain. Helaena who was never understood and grew up treated like an oddity. Aemond who was never seen to his full potential, always ignored or looked over, angry throughout his life. each of them has strengths and weaknesses, flaws and benefits, they're imperfect but never completely horrid. they're also never simplified (not entirely, even when the plot and writers seek to simplify them) to the point that they put on a moral pedestal or made straight evil (i'd even argue that the attempts of the writer to oversimplify them as evil and in the wrong makes them 10x more fascinating). I find TB characters tended to miss the mark on that, always put in the moral light, not even allowed a moment to reflect on their actions, lives, or positions in any nuanced or meaningful way, so they always just feel dull. they're also out on a moral highground that they can never be budged from, which makes them harder to like and honestly, really boring. they get away with everything instead of being emotionally and morally nuanced.

secondly, they're more morally "right". I will never say that any of the greens are perfect, they are far from it (with the exception of Helaena and her kids, who have done literally nothing to anyone, but I digress). what I will say, 9/10 times there is some level of reasoning that has some level of reasoning. Alicent always tries to do whats best for everyone, all throughout the series she tried to do best by the court, the king, her children, the realm, and Rhaenyra. did she always succeed? no, but she always tried and her mistakes were almost always honest. I will say she held resentment towards Rhaenya, but honestly, I can't blame her. Rhaenyra's lies and behavior hurt Alicent over and over again so for her to be angry is expected.when it came to succession, Alicent backed Rhaenyra until it was made clear she and Daemon would be a threat to her children's lives and even than she held mercy for Rhaenyra. Aegon's drinking can be blamed on the abuse and neglect he suffered at Viserys, Otto, and Alicent's (though the abuse and neglect from his mother is insanely different and nuanced. she perpetuated her pain onto him because she couldn't heal herself. so I hesitate to call it abuse, cause its so much more complicated than that) hands. though nothing will justify his rape of Dyana, I personally think it was a bad add in on the writers part, and leave it at that. Aemonds rage after years of being ignored doesn't entirely justify what he did to luke, but he had reason for his cruelty after years of Luke (and jace tbh) being cruel just because they could. TB characters tend to do terrible things in response to either A. nothing B. their own terrible things. Daemon kills who he wants when he feels like it, even for stating facts. Rhaneyra will lie and hurt those around her to protect her bastard children. both of them conspire to protect themselves and allow themselves to be wed, really just cause. while there are times they have their reasons, its a lot less of the time, and typically the backing to their actions, is they were trying to unbury themselves from within their own graves. (to preface, I don't care about rhaenyra sleeping around, it doesn't bother me, but its the fact that she will hurt everyone around her to protect her lies, allowing a child to be maimed and people to be murdered)

thirdly, they're my vibe. I like morally complex character, who are, to be frank, pathetic. I like characters with complex trauma's and issues, who aren't perfect people but its not entirely their fault. I would much rather watch a whole show about alicent, a child bride who tries so hard to be a good wife, queen, and mother while not prepared for any such role. Aegon who is a boy with severe mommy and daddy issues, a drinking problem, a flawed past, and constantly wet eyes. Helaena an ignored girl who has suffered for no better reason then her family. and Aemond, a boy who was tormented, bullied, maimed, and made stronger by it at the cost of his compassion and emotional stability - over a nepo baby who was coddled by her father, her murderous husband with a knack for unneeded violence, and her similarly coddled children (the show boiled them down to this, in my opinion). one is simply more up my alley than the other. I want character that need to be dissected, who have suffered, who hurt me to look at.

also, team black created almost all of their own problems. seeing as the main source of contention had to do with Rhaenyra's kids being bastards, which was Rhaenyra's problem, which she caused, and kept digging and digging that grave (faking Laenors death just so she could marry daemon, turning the blame on aemond when luke maimed him furthering the divide amongst the house, trying to wed Helaena to Jace putting her in danger, trying to take the driftmark throne and killing Vaemond for a claim her sons did not have, etc,) till viserys's death, earns her a lot less pity from me. at the end of the day, her being a woman was only a needle in a haystack worth of problems she caused herself that hurt her claim. if she had just strived to create to connection with ancient and her kids, and didn't make herself look like a threat to everyone who lessened her claim (which alicents kids would be the first people to be taken out) alicent would have backed like she had all season and there would have been no war, maybe conflict, but no war.

theres also the effect of the fans on my opinion. I have faced more cruelty, terrible media analysis, and outright ableism/misogny/(blood and sexual based) purist ideology/etc. from the TB fans then I have ever witness by TG fans. TB fans have ruined almost all of the TB characters for me in more ways than I can count, so I will say I am very biased.

thats why I'm team green. as a whole they are simply more appealing, their stories are more interesting, demand more attention to detail and emotional understanding, and from my point of view were the "right" side to be on in the war (the war was wrong on both sides, but my chips lie in the favour of the greens).

[thevegetablewhichnoonedaresname]

tonight I go to bed grateful not to be in my bnha phase right now

[britneyshakespeare]

what is incredibly annoying about the internet is that someone's argumentative-toned political vent post can circulate to a few hundred or thousand people and be generally agreed with by people seeing their broader point, and then be screenshotted and circulated again by ppl who mostly also saw it the first time around, but it's vituperatively disagreed with while picking apart the original post's wording to imply that the original poster meant something particularly stupid or wrong when what is being attacked is not the actual point.

[shannonsketches]

me when y'all tag my silly comics as 'canon'