#i don't like but where's the surprise

[illiaccrest]

Based on what the subtle dialog in his backstory implies about what the slave masters used him for...I can't bring myself to imagine Aventurine as being totally normal about intimacy...😩

[egophiliac]

just thinking about hair and faces

[inkskinned]

i keep thinking about hobbies and how i often spill over myself to pick up new ones. i have adhd, i end up trying something for like a month and then just getting far enough in it that i move on, satisfied.

and that should be fine; but it's never fine.

i am a pretty decent artist; but i can't just make art for my dnd campaign, i should be selling dnd maps and character designs and scene setting pieces. i can't just make my friends matching earrings, i need to get an etsy and ship them internationally and take bulk orders. i make pretty good props and decorations and use them to throw my friends parties - but i should be running a party planning business and start taking paying clients and networking and putting my skills to actual use.

for some reason, i never figured out the specifics of pottery. it was a fun class and i enjoyed myself - and still, i'm embarrassed, years later, that i put in all that useless effort. everything i make has to be stunning. stellar. i should have applied myself more. maybe i'm too lazy. maybe i'm broken and selfish and needy. actually creative people would have kept going; they would be bettering themselves at every possible opportunity.

we find ourselves in this trap, even accidentally: we need to commodify our time, because it is a commodity. if we spend our efforts and our time not earning, isn't that the same thing as burning free money? and god forbid you ever take up a hobby that ends up being more expensive than you thought. you sit in your car and you look at the receipt and in your head you hear a conversation that isn't even happening - your mom or your friend or your partner all saying oh great. not this shit again. it's always something with you, and it never actually means anything.

i have realized this horrible thing, recently - i'll get excited to start a project, pick up a new hobby. and then i just... stop myself. i start thinking about the amount of time it will take, and how it'll look in my monthly budget. what if i can't even produce a good enough final product. sure, it's exciting to think about how i could make my friend her own custom dice. but i'm just polluting the earth if i don't get it right. better not bother. better not try.

restless, i get caught in the negative space. the feeling that oh god, i want to create. and that horrible sense - yeah, but i don't have the time to just put to waste.

[benevolenterrancy]

what I'm learning is that MXTX series really have ☆*: .｡The Range｡.:*☆ and that my first impressions often don't survive for very long...

MDZS, initial impression: ooh revived necromancer that everyone fears, this is going to be dark and revenge-fuelled

MDZS, subsequent impression: these are Silly Lil Guys off on a romcom murder mystery

SVSSS first impression: nerd who got isekai'd into a shitty novel, crybaby puppy dog imprints on him

SVSSS subsequent impression: how many times now has the love interest tortured the main character? should I start a tally?

(i've only just finished SVSSS bk2, please no spoilers!!)

[vaguely-concerned]

on the one hand I think inner demons could stand to have a bit more romanced rook specific content, but on the other hand the underlying in-built implication that 'yours is the one true voice of comfort and safety in my inner world' is a sentiment and intimacy so way beyond the romantic or the platonic or any secret third thing you could care to name that it makes me lose my entire poor little mind a bit. it's so big and fundamental — near-existential — that in that exact moment at least the distinctions kind of seem irrelevant.

all the people lucanis' mind conjures up along the way are relationships he has that are unavoidably mixed and fraught in some ways even when they're also full of love (they are fraught BECAUSE they're full of love) — the good in them inseparable from things that hurt him at the same time. (it's about: the basic disorganized attachment patterns this poor guy is dragging around with him. careful with those, they're dellamorte heirlooms. what you love also inevitably hurts you and you won't be allowed to have one without the other, you have to surrender parts of your soul to hold on to what little you have left: this is the story up until now.) and the idea that rook isn't that to him — that beneath the fear of wanting them when romanced (which is more its own separate thing because within this psychology, actively wanting something and not just clinging on for dear life to even a meager status quo lest you lose it is in itself dangerous bordering on catastrophic), this is a relationship where there isn't resentment, or guilt, or shame, or dread, or rage, or self-hate, or any of the other emotions that keep him paralyzed, unable to move this way or that. no debts, nothing owed of yourself and your soul's substance except what you can freely and safely and happily give. love and freedom don't coexist — but, I mean, you're almost starting to make me think........... unless...👀👀👀. the unconditional and undramatic 'you are here and I am here with you, you can be exactly how you are right now with me and it's safe for us both even though you're afraid it won't be, I'm not going anywhere' acceptance rook shows him here that he returns to them in the big romance scene, when it's rook who needs it. the way he's just. standing there in the center of it all, like a child desperately helplessly waiting to be found, hiding in the place he hopes you'll know to look first. (rook does know. it's one of the first things they say in there.)

in short the most important room in his little mind palace for the romance is the very first room — the one where rook isn't. where, in fact, rook cannot be, because they disprove the entire structure of the place with their existence and presence in his life. with everyone else he's putting words in their mouths about what they think of him, and rook is the one who actually gets to come in to speak their own words to him — and have him listen. ('he'll listen to you, he always listens to you', 'your voice is a comfort'.) of course rook isn't present anywhere else in there — at the risk of stating the obvious to a tedious degree, they aren't one of the locks, they're bringing the key. in the very finest 'the messenger and the message' sort of way.

[evostrashbin]

the curse of immortality (spoiler: Kiran is also on this picture 👍)

[coquelicoq]

I KEEP FORGETTING TO SAY THIS but my ideal au is always, ALWAYS a three men and a baby au. doesn't have to be men just yknow three adults and a baby. i know i have said this before but it was only the one time and it bears repeating, it bears so much repeating because i need it so bad for everything forever.

[pineapple-frenzy]

Hoshi doodles ahh

[saturnaous]

I just remembered I can do whatever the fuck i want forever and ever. here's a bunch of miscellaneous drawings or whatever.

these two are just my general hc that when Ingo gets eeby deebied, Emmet takes over the singles line as well on alternating days and wears one of Ingos bajillion coats on single line days.

these three are from the other night of talking with my boytoy. we were talking about how Ingo and Emmet can probably perfectly(to untrained ears) imitate train horns and whistles. then we were talking about Ingo and his Big Feelings at a wedding and how he'd be sobbing in the corner the whole time. I like gogo a lot and his sobbing train noises

boytoy ate raw spaghetti. was bemmet type behavior. plus the starer.

the last two are because I think for the years Ingo is gone Emmet has been stretching himself thin running the station trying to juggle what both he and his brother would be doing and it leaves him EXGHAUSTED. When Ingo comes back and gets into the groove of things and he's able to even slightly relax, it hits him like a truck and he finds himself genuinely incapable of doing the tasks he needs to do. Gear Station is surprisingly more hectic for the first handful of weeks Ingo is back because Emmet isn't doing his duties. neat to me.

full doodle page btw.

[foodtruckery]

You need an abo tag? Bet.

Stan going into a heat he hasn't had in a decade when Ford calls him back because he's back in the presence of his safety, his brother. Ford opens the door, crossbow wielded have you come for my eyes, and has to immediately drop it because Stan's pupils are rapidly dilating and he's beginning to pant and Ford can fucking smell the slick running down Stan's leg. Suddenly all the anger, paranoia, desperation is single mindedly focused on keeping his omega safe, secure, covered. - starrypockets

ad;sflkja i did not say i needed one! but i mean. here we are anyway hahahaha

SO HAHAHA. i touched on this suuuper briefly in another ask somewhere, but i think if stan had gone into a random heat when he gets to ford's place, in their paranoid vs mullet stages, that would've been....bad actually haha. or at least really fuckin complicated, which makes it fun!

like maybe stan is so caught up in the stress and anxiety of seeing ford again - of ford ASKING for him to come and see him, what are the odds?? - that it all either triggers a heat or he doesn't even realize it's happening until he's already there and can't really do anything about it. but ford had invited him here, and he doesn't want to fuck things up by not showing. but he also doesn't want to fuck things up with this, y'know? but maybe ford will at least let him lock himself in a room for a few days??

but ford...well, ford isn't exactly himself right now. he has so much caffeine in his body it's a miracle he hasn't had a heart attack yet, he can't remember the last time he slept, everything hurts and he doesn't know why unless the nail is still sticking out of his hand when he comes to, and he is concvinced - for good reason - that someone is being sent to further mutilate him. you're going to throw on TOP of that his brother, who yes he sent for, but by his memory is a beta, is surprise actually an omega and coincidentally going into heat on his doorstep?? something that, oh how convenient, is a fantasy he's indulged himself in one-too-many times. i don't think ford would even believe stan was REAL right away.

cause ford also isn't just ford right now. ford has a demon in his head that has seen every depraved, hormone addled fantasy he's jerked off to and would absolutely know his feelings for stan. and even if this suddenly-an-omega stan IS real (sus), ford is still one micronap away from potentially ending the world. so now on top of the EVERYTHING he's been going through, he's also fighting every secondary instinct he has because holy shit, he can't afford to lose it right now.

but...y'know....maybe all that up front confusion between both of them at least slows down the "go downstairs and start fighting and ruining each other's lives again" thing. and it would take a lot of gymnastics to get there, but...well. bill can't use ford's body if he's tied up well enough, right? and in a few hours, all stan is really going to need is a dick to fuck himself on. if you think about it......they could make this work, right?

which would, of course, mean BILL is absolutely participating. but maybe he'd be so fucking strung out on 'alpha in proximity to their favorite omega in heat' thing that he's not trying as hard as he probably should right now to get back to the portal shit when he's in control.

[neroushalvaus]

Koko the gorilla didn't know ASL but, like, you could say that without invalidating the existence of speech-supporting signs

[bonefall]

I’m rereading Po3 and despite its flaws I really enjoyed the introduction to the three. Jaykit isn’t mentioned to be blind in the first few chapters and instead they chose to show how much MORE capable he is compared to his littermates; until at the end of chapter 3, he brings up his blindness on his own. It makes forcing him to be a medicine cat SO much more frustrating because it really feels like they’re setting him up to be a warrior and choose his own fate (note i haven’t finished the reread this is just my first impression)

I like how you seem to take that path in BB regardless! It makes his arc so much more enjoyable

His arc in canon is super frustrating because he's such an independent character who clearly wants to make his own decisions in life, but then he just gets shoved into the medcat den. I LIKE that he ultimately goes there and that he enjoys it; but it was still really fucked up that they stripped away his autonomy in the process.

Re: they are not real, they are writing choices. Taking away the choices a disabled character can make over their own life, forcing them into a celibate nun role, and then going "awwwww dont worry see? he likes it! This was the best thing for him :)" was fucked up.

And imo it didn't have to be that way! You wouldn't have to go the FULL route I did with big changes, he could just be more involved in the descision to stop being a warrior apprentice and it would be fine. Minor change that would make a world of difference.

I do also have to interject to say though... blindness should really not be an extremely severe impairment for a ThunderClan cat.

I'm dead serious.

Whiskers are built-in sensors that tell you the exact position of everything within several inches of your head, ears swerve to pick up sound, and the jacobson's organ provides a sense of smell so keen that I have an entire Clanmew expansion draft because I needed to make WORDS describing the power of this sense that humans do not have. I cannot stress enough how delicate their other senses are, felines do not rely on their sight like primates do

ThunderClan lives in a mixed-oak woodland, where sight is already often obscured by foliage, objects are close together (for whiskers to feel), and nearly every movement makes noise against the leaf litter. RiverClan and (moor-running) WindClan cats would have a harder time with this disability than Thunder or Shadow.

Cat sight SUCKS to begin with. It sucks BADDD. They don't have color vision, they're significantly nearsighted, and they can't track up-and-down movements well. WC doesn't write realistic cats (more like small fuzzy people really) and I also work with more humanesque eyesight, but the only thing Jay should really lose is an ability to rapidly track a small animal swerving fast. Blind cats are often still excellent hunters in spite of that!

So it's an extra big waste that they railroaded him into a position he didn't choose, saying he couldn't be a warrior. This is the perfect disability to write, if you want to explore how ableism can impact the characters in this society who ARE legitimately still capable of nearly full independence, but still need to find accommodations for what they can't do.

In the same arc they're doing the dumb Cinder Reincarnation Plotline, no less!! Where SHE is also feeling like she has no choice over her "destiny," and gets a conflict over a potentially disabling injury

"Oh nooo if cinderpaw breaks her leg she wont be a warrior!"

"What the f-- Im Jaypaw and im reporting live from the scene where a Category 1 Idiot Moment is taking place. Woman breaks leg, suddenly everyone believes she is a horse, more at 11."

One of these days I should really make "herb guides" just covering how various sensory disabilities impact the lives of Clan cats and some tips for writing them as warriors, especially between Clans. Stuff you wouldn't usually consider, like how much noise deaf cats tend to make, how RiverClan would get a ton of sinus infections and lose their sense of smell, being blind in Sky vs Thunder, etc.

[redbootsindoriath]

Apparently in my absence this post had its 1000-notes-iversary.

This time we get to see the culprit responsible for ruining our heroes' lives as well.

I've really missed you guys, by the way. I know I've said that already, but I'm serious. Once or twice this year I've been right on the brink of coming back but schedule stuff always keeps me from letting myself commit to that again, and that in turn has kept me from posting anything at all. But I've been in an unexpected drawing mood lately and so if I can get enough stuff to set up a queue we might pretend I'm back for a month or so sometime this year. Maybe. Hopefully. We'll see. No promises though. That's why I'm hiding this paragraph under the cut.

Transcription:

[Beren:] "Uhhh...barkeep...I think he's had enough now..." [Tolkien:] "No, I don't think he has...!"

[lodessa]

Started something . . .

“But really . . .” she says after a long silence, not lifting her cheek from its resting place against his chest, “Did you?”

A dozen teasing answers spring to mind, but here: alone and stripped of all armor, the last thing he wants to do is to put a wall up. So he runs his fingertips back down her bare spine, soaking in the reality of Kathryn: here in his arms at long last and replies simply: “No.”

Why do you say that like you’re embarrassed?” she questions, turning her face to look up into his, while staying wrapped close against him for the most part.  “Do you have something more shameful to tell me than what you apparently didn’t do while stuck alone on that planet with my hologram?”

Kathryn’s voice is curious, no hint of accusation or resentment to be found.  She can be a jealous mistress, this woman he loves with his entire being, but that apparently doesn’t extend to whatever she was imagining might have passed between him and her hologram.

It is a fair question.  It isn’t like the thought never occurred to him. It’s not even like holoJaneway (yes, he still insists on thinking of her that way, never holoKathryn) hadn’t broached the topic.  (That’s irony for you, isn’t it? All the years the two of them spent talking around it, but he’s had dozens of conversations about himself and Kathryn with her holographic facsimile.)  He spent a decade with only holoJaneway for comfort and he wouldn’t even let himself truly have that.

“It sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?” he has to admit.  “But as much as having that little imitation sliver of you kept me going, kept me alive . . . I think it would have hurt more than it would have helped to pretend like that.”

I didn’t deserve the comfort, a voice inside of him adds.  Not after what happened to my crew, to Adreek . . . Not knowing I could never come back to you and you might never know why.

“Noble,” she bites her lip with a smile. “Principled. Honorable. Long suffering.”

And with that, Kathryn shifts her weight to roll more evenly on top of him, beginning to crawl her way up.

“I felt more like I was being a petulant child sometimes,” he admits.  “Refusing comfort, taking my own frustrations out on an imperfect copy for not actually being you.”

Which isn’t exactly the romance hero answer, but that’s kind of the point.  He’s here now, running his fingers through the bits of gray in Kathryn’s hair.  She’s real and can be too, finally.   This isn’t some hallucination, some fantasy temptation to pristine to be true.  He looks up into her smile lined face and his regret is that he wasn’t there to see every millimeter of them forming.

[b4kuch1n]

yay! I drew these quite literally three years ago. dragonheart!milo and raihan! a knight on a doomed dragon hunt being lifted out of his station by a small village medicine man. together they become magic lawyers and overthrow the government

the main details in these do survive into the iterations I’ve drawn (instead of these actual designs I spent time to make el oh el): the “leaf” diamond quilt/gambeson and the plaited coattail for milo, the “atypical” weapons, long coat, and large number of scattered fake gold trims and accessories for raihan. I think I lost raihan the hat and added a cape for milo further down the line because like this their general silhouettes are too similar for my liking lol

[fisheito]

i told myself that yakuei only had one position then i proved myself (sorta) wrong

my fave face here: