#i don't know...even if i get over whatever this is...things will never be the same for me... i just don't think i belong here

[acid-ixx]

i feel like reader from again&again would end up being hypersexual, idk if anyone has mentioned it before but they’d up having a lot of trust issues and attachments issues.

— masterlist !

tw: sexual themes and talks of sexual assaults.

i was contemplating whether i should make them hypersexual or not!!! i'm speaking from my own personal experience that it's a very complicated feeling to portray. chasing for that momentary high, doing anything you can just to feel pleasure because you were always stripped from attention that you find it in other ways, the absolute disgust that comes after, the regret, yet the constant cycle of returning to that habit even after you promised to stop from one round, doing it over and over again even if at most times it feels like you're losing your enjoyment and doing it all out of the need for fulfilment; i can do that, but that will be bordering on dub-con and darker themes if i were to write it, which i'm not sure if some readers of mine will like, especially since conner is the love interest—

but truthfully, i think it would do well for a hurt/comfort prompt after they get together. you know, trying to push yourself too hard by trying to pleasure kon despite your inexperience, fearing that he'll leave if you don't do what he wants. the panic, the hesitance on even feeling his body because, truly, you've never held someone with different intentions, never been touched so intimately by others before yourself. and that kind of turns into an addiction, a need to do whatever it takes to keep his eyes on you even if it destroys you inside out.

yet your boyfriend is receptive, he notices how your lingering touches can sometimes feel cold yet done so through necessity, how you chase after your peak even if it brings more pained tears than pleasurable moans. how you beg for more yet shamefully hide yourself from a mirror right after. his confrontation after just a week, his soft voice promising that there's no need to rush it all out, how he doesn't see you as an object but his equal, his power, his everything. how there's no price to pay to obtain his love, your body an altar than an offering, how his was always yours to begin with.

and with how the family will react to this? honestly, the first person who would break at the moment he hears this information is dick grayson.

most portray him as a playboy, a puppet for most to sexualize. he takes advantage of that, turns it into his weapon, but deep within, he has his fair share of trauma being assaulted by not just one, but two (or more, depending on the comics) women. and with just how silenced and invalidated men are too when it comes to their trauma, it wouldn't be a surprise that, well, dick would be incredibly heartbroken realizing how his baby bird, the very same child he swore to protect, trudges the same path as him, carries the same burden on their back while pretending like everything's okay.

it destroys him, inside-out, how he's the oldest, the one supposed to guide the people around him, the one who buries all the pent-up anger, the turmoil at carrying the burden of all the terrible things that happened to him, turning it into motivation— yet ultimately failing to guide his very own sibling.

the one he introduced to the manor, the one he came to call his baby bird on the very same day.

i think about that a lot, a moment where he'll suddenly barge into your room, whether it would be before you'd be before you'd be kidnapped or not, and just... hugging you, burying his head on your shoulders while his hands just encapsulate your entire body. you don't know how or why he found you, don't know why he's shivering, why he's muttering sorry's and unbidden promises, desperate callings to your name like he just can't believe you're still alive, your shoulders damp with tears and dick just refusing to let go of you. i think about it a lot, how in the case of sexual trauma, you'd be dick's ultimate failure, a person he failed to protect from the very same thing that destroyed him. and yet he couldn't even bond it over with you, because you're so... so guarded and so broken that even if you and dick now share just one similarity, you still refuse his comfort, his promises that never again will you handle it alone.

it's not impossible that the reader would be hypersexual whilst still sporting insecurities. i have my own bodily issues too that i'm coping with; i typically emulate that onto the reader. so if anything from above fascinates my readers, i'm willing to write it out for future chapters because i love tackling complex topics, it helps me make my brain bigger teehee.

[save-the-villainous-cat]

Hi! I adore your writing! Could you please write some fluff? Where either the hero or the villain has nightmares and the other takes care of them. But the one that takes care of them is actually breaking into their base to get information. And the one with the nightmares is usually super happy and doesn’t like to show their pain. I hope all of that makes sense lol! Thanks no pressure if you can’t do it or you’re busy!

The villain couldn't think of any words. Not really.

All they could do was stand there, glued to the ground. Breaking into the hero's room had been quite tricky. After all, this building was packed with security.

But now that they were here, they couldn't believe their eyes.

It was messy. Very messy. Some furniture was simply destroyed - a table was split into two, as if the hero had punched through it. The shards of a vase were discarded on the ground and above all that: paper. A lot of paper.

The villain suspected the hero had thrown several files to the ground and the many pages had simply spread through the whole room.

They dared to look at the hero. The very same hero that turned away and clenched their fists.

"How did you...?" the hero began. Their voice was anything but stable, anything but usually cheery. "...ah, nevermind."

"I disabled the security system for a while," the villain said. Their voice was quiet and they were debating if they should throw themselves out of a window. The discomfort of the entire situation was crushing them. They shouldn't have been here.

They took in a deep breath and took another look at the hero.

Whatever had happened, the hero seemed to be another person entirely. They were distant, so very distant.

It wasn't like their relationship had the deepest connection. The villain was more of an inconvenience to the hero, they supposed. A fun obstacle they liked to taunt. But still...the villain had never thought the hero to be capable of destroying their room like this.

Maybe it hadn't been the hero after all. Maybe another hero?

The villain's eyes narrowed.

"You're bleeding," they said. The hero didn't turn around, but they did look at their knuckles. They let their arm drop as if it was nothing.

"I don't have any valuables here, so if you want to steal something, you should..."

"What is going on?"

The hero was rational, even though they were coming across as playful most of the time. The hero was smart, they were in control of their emotions.

But this?

The hero squeezed their eyes shut and leaned against the wall.

"I'm not sure you're the right person to talk to."

"Oh."

Technically, the hero was right. It still stung a little, though.

They exchanged looks.

"But...do you know that feeling of healing horridly?" They looked at the ground and the villain wasn't quite sure if the moonlight illuminated their nemesis or an angel. What a horrible feeling. What a horrible pain in their chest.

Was it normal to feel this distraught? At the sight of someone they were supposed to loathe being this hurt?

"Do you mean not getting over something?"

"...not exactly. I..." They let their lashes flutter and the villain feared they were seeing tears in their eyes. "I've been working through some stuff. Things from my childhood, past relationships, my work...you know, stuff like that. And I'm trying really hard to heal. And not to turn bitter. I'm trying not to let it hurt so much. But...I think I can't. I feel like, even if my wounds do heal, the scars will spoil me forever."

The villain didn't know what the hero was talking about. Hell, they couldn't even relate to it. They had never given themselves enough time to think about healing. Most of the time, they pushed everything away that hurt and moved on.

"I feel like it stains, it's like blood that I can't wash off my hands. And it makes me so incredibly ugly, it makes me so sick. I have nightmares and I...I..." And there it was. A simple sob the hero didn't manage to swallow. They covered their mouth with their hand, turned away.

And for some reason, for some strange reason, the villain walked over to them, pulling them close. They hugged the hero, embraced them as if they were the only two people in the world and let the hero sob, soaking the villain's uniform in tears.

"I understand," the villain whispered. They tried to sound as soft as possible. This wasn't exactly their field of expertise, not by a long shot, but they knew what it was like to pretend. To doubt. To fail. "It won't be like this forever, I promise. It will fade."

"It won't go away, though, it will always be there. It will always-"

"It will fade," the villain repeated. They brushed some tears out of the hero's sight. "And one day, you won't notice it anymore. You won't think about it."

They took the hero's hand.

"I don't know what you are going through right now, but I know that you are strong and capable. You can beat this."

Suddenly, the hero pulled them closer again, pressed their face against the villain's shoulder. They didn't say anything and the villain thought they themselves couldn't come up with anything better. So, they just held onto the hero and waited until their nemesis calmed down.

Eventually, the hero leaned against them. Their voice was quiet.

"...I know I have no right to ask this and you can decline, of course. But could you stay a few hours?"

The villain felt their cheeks burn.

"Yes. I don't feel comfortable leaving you alone right now anyway." They pulled the hero a bit closer again. "But I am going to take care of your knuckles first."

In the end, the villain fell asleep next to the hero, despite their best efforts to stay awake.

[jscrawls]

Grave mistakes

Gotham City is full of a lot of characters, criminals, creepy clowns, man eating plants, eccentric billionaires. But all that rolled into one household?

Warning: contains mentions of blood, witchcraft, general spooky stuff, it's an Addams reader they're gonna be freaky,

Part 5: picking up a good read

🔹🔹🔹

Barbara was having a good day, she really was. the sun was out for once and the people in the library were all behaving themselves beautifully, as if infected by the warmth shining through the large windows. her coworker even brought her a caramel iced macchiato unprompted, Then you walked up to her.

She didn't mean to gawk at you, really. She's a professional after all. But she's heard a lot about you the last two weeks from multiple sources, from Cass expressing concern to dick ranting like you made an attempt on his life with your cooking.

She smiles thinly at you when you clear your throat, right, gaping at bystanders is rude.

“Ahem, how can I help you?” what could you possibly want at the library? Please don't start asking about something demonic or inappropriate-

“Hi, I'd like to check these out please.” They smile as they drop a few books on the counter and slide them within grabbing range, Barbara is averse to taking her eyes off you even as you stand there with an innocent, unfaltering grin, yet she forces herself to act normal as she grabs at the books and takes the brakes off her wheelchair…. Botany encyclopedias? Please don't be something nefarious-

“oh are you starting a garden? I tried that last spring, didn't go well.” it's a weak attempt at probing and she knows it, she just hopes it's not that obvious.

You pace the other side of the counter to keep even with her as she rolls over to the computer, still wearing that unnerving smile on your lips. “Something like that, my roommate is quite upset in my plant rearing abilities so I thought I'd do a little reading.”

Barbara knew you didn't have a ‘roommate’ as of two days ago, dick or Bruce would've noticed. How'd that change so fast?

“oh, that's nice of you…. You got plans for a bit of horticulture around your place then? I'm jealous at anyone with a green thumb honestly.”

She sets the books on the counter next to the computer, taking her sweet time to scan them just so she can try to squeeze anything out of you. You've been nothing but polite besides the creepy staring- yet she's more than suspicious of you, you're not just some rich goth with antisocial traits, God knows she's seen plenty of that around this city. you're….. Off. Maybe she's been around zatanna too much.

“maybe a few house plants.” Barbara almost sighs in relief at that.

“though my new roommate does seem fond of the carnivorous ones, she's already covered the front gate in some lovely meat eating fly traps.”

Barbara knew it was too soon to relax.

“Oh….. Sounds fascinating.” She's floundering a bit, her smile getting tighter as she grips the wheel bar tighter with one hand.

You smile wider, either happy with how the conversation is going or you're reveling in her discomfort. For whatever reason Barbara thinks you're somehow not picking up on it.

You reach into your pocket and Barbara tenses, eyes widening behind her glasses as she waits for you to pull something horrible. Instead you pull out a…coin? “Thank you very kindly my friend! Do you accept gold here?” Who the hell carries gold coins around-

“I…. I've never asked?” this isn't how she expected her afternoon to go, she doesn't want to call her supervisor to ask what the libraries stance on paying check outs with gold of all things. She just wanted to sort the last of her stacks and then go home and binge watch bridgerton until it was time for night activities.

“If it's a bother I'll go fetch my wallet my dear.” you lean against the edge of the counter with that same big stupid weirdly friendly smile on your face as you stare down at her.

that’s…..weirdly accomodating? barbara doesn’t see that much with the general public, she just hopes you’re not the type to pay with pennies next thing.

“….that would be appreciated, i don’t think we can process your……currency. sorry.” she tries not to wince as she speaks, watching you put the coins back in your pocket while she neatly stacks the books just so she has something to do with her hands, please stop staring at her.

“that’s perfectly alright! can i leave my books here or is there somewhere out of the way for them?” god barbara doesn’t want to be charmed by your politeness.

“here is fine, there isn’t exactly a line waiting on you…” you both glance around the library at that, this place doesn’t see much traffic on weekdays.

she watches you nod enthusiastically and turn to stroll out without another word, she only cringes a little when she watches you physically recoil when you walk out into the sunlight before continuing your little quest, god you’re like an awkward vampire. she waits until she’s sure you’re out of sight before pulling her phone out and sending a quick text to the groupchat, she doesn’t think you’ll try anything but she still wants to keep tabs on you. she quickly mutes her phone when she sees you coming back around the corner.

“so sorry for the inconvenience my friend!” you say a little too loudly, an old lady with a thick pair of bifocals and tight white curls loudly shushes you, barbara tries not to laugh as you whip around to stare at the woman and just as loudly apologize to her, the elder obviously flinches back from your appearance, she does a hail mary while turning around and shuffling away on clicking knees without another word to you.

barb almost pities you.

“anywho, about those books?” you turn back towards her and drop a hundred dollar bill on the counter between the both of you, that weird stare once again locked on her. barbara deadpans at the large bill.

“…..you know it’s a five dollar check out fee, right?”

“i’m well aware my good friend! i was under the impression tipping was still acceptable in new jersey.” barbara can’t tell if you’re snarking her under that painfully wide grin, once again she finds you almost endearing, maybe it’s just the money buttering her up.

“okay, funny. alright i’ll finish this up hang on…” she takes the brakes off and rolls over to the old register, a small smile on her face despite her initial dislike of you. being nice to public workers is a quick way to endear yourself to barb after all.

with the tip tucked in her pocket she bags the books up and watches you stroll towards the door, calling over your shoulder as you go. “bye have a terrible day my friend!” to the chagrin of many, multiple people shushing you as you duck back out the door.

“by lucifer this weather is absolutely horrid!”

this time barbara giggles as she watches you dramatically try to cover yourself from the sun, there’s something kinda entertaining about how….comfortable you are with yourself.

🔹🔹🔹

“repeat it.” Pamela stands over you with crossed arms and a sour expression on her face as she taps her shoe on the floor impatiently, Harleys doing something in the play room but all your focus is on the green-skinned woman in front of your sitting form.

“Don't feed saltwater to the plants.” You meet her eyes as you lean back against the couch and her expression hardens. “And?”

“Don't cut them down, and if I'm going to feed them blood and bones, ask you first so I don't give them too much nitrogen.”

You parrot her earlier yelled words dutifully, for a moment she looks as if she's going to scold you like a child but then she just sighs and nods her head. At least you were making an effort to listen to her, unlike some people in this house.

“good, as long as I see you actually following through with obeying then we'll have less problems.”

“ooh is someone getting the red special? I wanna watch!” Harley darts in the room and sits on the edge of the coffin-table, resting her elbows on her knees with a large grin on her face.

Pamela rolls her eyes as she glances back at her and points an accusing finger at her. “You're lucky you're not alongside them, I know you helped them feed my babies blood earlier. You two nearly made the ferns sick!”

although her words are just as harsh as she was with you earlier, her tone is much gentler with her girlfriend. You just sigh wistfully as you watch them while getting comfy.

“Ah, you two remind me of when I watched my dear Gomez and Morticia court each other. You'll be making sacred oaths in blood under the moonlight before you know it. I just hope I get to bring the ceremonial athame.” You wipe at your teary eyes while they both deadpan at you with varying degrees of annoyance.

🔹🔹🔹

M.list | prev | next

A/n: apologies for how late this update is! Been a bit busy dealing with the bad weather in my area

Taglist: @lunarapple @ladykamos @itsberrydreemurstuff

[emptymanuscript]

I suspect the way to get things in front of right wing eyes is probably a violation of the tumblr terms of service. They need tags that those who support the right wing wants to look at. Like gun control or sleepy joe or christian faith. I'm sure there are a ton I simply don't know in the same way they probably don't know tags I watch for. But without something promising them that a post is something they are interested in - and again, I'm pretty sure it is against the tumblr tos to simply mistag things that aren't referenced in order to get clicks - you have to be mutuals with them to pass things along.

Tumblr is generally built to primarily connect with people you share interests with rather than any other organizing principle. The secondary organization is purely organic, someone follows someone for whatever reason and they're permanently linked but that's usually preceded by some shared interest to make the initial connection unless the people know each other from OFF tumblr. Like, I followed my friends (who have now left the site) from Live Journal but then picked up all my mutuals from posts that they posted that I was interested in.

But now everyone knows which tags likely to provoke a fight and go on to block them.

Like, I have Biden blocked as a tag. That has nothing to do with disliking Biden and everything to do with knowing that something tagged Biden will likely be divisive and make it a much less zen experience. Because I've blocked "Biden" chances are high I'll never even see the tag "Sleepy Joe" because it is probably accompanying Biden. Which means I'm simply not seeing the other side of the political spectrum there and don't know their keywords because of it. I expect it is much the same on their side. Anything that they expect will give them an unpleasant experience is likely hidden behind a block AND filtered by a lack of mutuals who are going to challenge them. Because wanting to ENJOY the social media experience is a general desire and having your beliefs challenged and belittled is rarely enjoyable. It's the essential problem of getting news from social media instead of sites devoted to news.

I'm on Fark. The Fark comment section is nowhere near as pleasant and sociable as Tumblr because we're all forced to deal with the same stories. They are as they are. And therefore it is on the commenters to argue for their point of view because they can't rely on it being the general trend of opinion like we can with our mutuals. So there is a lot more yelling and insults, exactly what we're avoiding. And when that wasn't enough, we generally flock toward different news sites. Think about how often you'll see Fox news linked to here. It's rare BECAUSE everyone along this thread of communication is unlikely to be right wing because of the negative take on the result of right wing action.

Which just makes it all come full circle. Social Media is based around information flowing across specific types of connections. This inevitably creates echo chambers because we will move toward the connections we favor and away from the connections we do not favor. While some people really do enjoy arguments and challenges to the point they seek them out, that is the statistical minority. Which means if you WANT to reach people you naturally don't connect with, you have to cheat against the reasons you don't connect.

Gun control, for instance, actually lead to my most commented on post. Because I talked about Gun Control in relation to a particular tragedy but one of the people who did like arguing and challenging follows the Gun Control tag specifically to look for people who want Gun Control in order to argue against it with them. He, being very right wing, then carried our interaction across his dash, interconnecting my fairly left wing opinions into his chain of connections where everyone piled on while my reply to him carried over to all of my connections. That's how to short circuit it.

BUT

The more we are dominated by the echo chamber and the more we can't find any common ground to agree on, the less people are sitting on tags that they know will cause controversy because even for them, it's often only fun in bursts. They don't want it all the time. So even that is becoming more transitory and less connective.

So, back again to cheating. We love saying Tumblr has no algorithm but it is bullshit. It has the same algorithm that "Reality TV" has. Human behavior is chaotic but it is fairly predictable in general trendlines. I can't predict what a specific unknown YOU will do next. But I can assign a statistical likelihood on a majority behavior. Give a mass population something to enjoy and they will shy away from the parts that hurt and favor engaging with the parts that feel good. Set up the right initial situation and you can't predict EXACTLY what will happen but you can reasonably expect that it will conform to the normal trends of human behavior.

That's what you have to break. If you want to get something that people are likely to NOT want to engage with, then you have to break the natural human algorithm of connection. You have to cloak it in something that they are likely to SEEK engagement with. Even neutral isn't enough. Because they are protected by the design decisions made by Tumblr which was meant to get people to connect over shared interests. Neutral means it isn't interesting. It just passes into the ether because it won't connect to anything but those who are already in connection with you. It has to be POSITIVELY interesting in the way that will get people to be interested before they fully engage with the content and realize that it is meant to be uncomfortable for them which they avoid.

Which does generally reduce the strategy to manipulation and lies. You have to engage more positive interest than their negative interest has already put up as a barrier and then enough additional positive interest that is going to get them to engage enough to get the message.

And you probably only get one chance. Maybe two if you get a partial success.

For the same reason that Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminists really probably only get one chance to engage directly with the account of a Trans person. Because as soon the Trans person realizes that the TERF is posting in bad faith to make them uncomfortable and unwelcome, they simply block the TERF as an account, not merely blocking the posting identity but any other screen names attached to the same account. Which in turn makes it increasingly expensive in effort to cross the boundary.

So each tag you put a message across will result in increasing blocks. Until getting the attention of people who don't want to give you their attention becomes the majority of your activity.

At which point this becomes an evaluation. How important is the message to get across given that you will probably nerf your ability to get messages across in the future in reaction.

In an ideal world, this information would make everyone who sees it reconsider their support for DOGE.

But we don't live there.

Instead we're living in the world where Musk's interns, not even political appointees, jacking into the treasury department records of EVERYONE wasn't enough to turn the opinions of the people you're trying to reach.

So think of this as a nuclear option. You don't start with it. You escalate to it.

Research what tags seem to engage people who support DOGE. Get a list.

Wait for something that does MORE than incense you. Wait for something that is more than merely informative. Wait for the thing that goes COUNTER to what the people reading one of those tags believe to an outrageous amount. Wait for what will make them fly into a rage because it is an utter betrayal. :/ You probably won't have to wait that long, actually.

Then, when you have something that will incense THEM - not you, you're already on the other side, it's all about them - cheat against the algorithm and label it what will get in front of their eyes even though it shouldn't.

After that, cross out that tag because you've likely lost the use of it.

Wait for the next opportunity.

While you're waiting, share the tag you used and what responses you got so other people know what worked and what didn't. Essentially, you're recruiting for a Psyop. Because you are working an anti-psyop. And you will need allies to speak that message into the spaces you burn. Let allies give a different take and boost the signal of the alternate point of view. The more you can get the merrier. Because you want to flood it. You want to make it so that tag becomes a message, understanding that each individual post within the overarching message will burn an account as people in the tag will just block you until they finally stop following the tag. At which point everyone will have to move down the list.

It's also probably more effective if people rotate who sends messages.

Moderators and staff will probably ignore a single use of this trick. If you become a regular, you're going to get banned. So, get a LOT of allies and understand that this is going to be hard work. It's going to be HOW you and your allies are fighting this war and there will be attrition.

At least that's my guess.

I can't honestly claim to know anything about anything. Psyops isn't my field.

So, you know, your mileage may vary. And you'll notice I'm not doing it. I haven't tagged this with any of my suggestions. So also buyer beware and all that. I'm probably condescending, too, while I'm at it. Mostly think of this as something to noodle in order to prompt your own thinking.

I, myself, am giving up. This is the world they wanted. I don't buy that they were ignorant. So I have no interest in informing them because I don't see the use. I just can't resist an opportunity to write an essay. Don't know why. Probably the drugs I'm on.

Good luck.

This will never make it in front of right-wing eyes. The government is a mystery of spending that can not be understood!

And it’s all because of trans people!

Or immigrants!

Whatever the enemy of the week is… enemy of the weak? 🤔

[atzluvz]

Through blood and roses

A/N : Sorry it took so long time to post this, i got a lil concussion 😭😭 I think chapter 5 will be the last one in this series, though!

Trope: Mafia!san x f!reader

WC: 1k

Summary : San let his guard down once, and it cost him everything. Now, he’s built his walls higher than ever. Living with the weight of his past. But when a kind hearted florist enters his life, his carefully guarded world starts to crack. He swears he won’t make the same mistake twice; but some things are impossible to resist.

Warnings: angst, san opens up for the first time, lwk a true ateez bonding moment here fr

Chapter 2.5

“ I don't blame you, but I can't change you. Don't hate you, but we can't save you.”

The rain hammered the windows with force. The Black pirates sat in a heavy silence around the dimly lit room, each member sensing the tension in the air. Wooyoung had been watching San for days. His quiet but clear concern grows with each passing moment. He knew something was wrong, The question was whether San was ready to face it, or even admit it. He couldn't deny it forever.

Ha was always the one to speak up when no one else would. And finally he broke the silence. “San,” Wooyoungs voice was low, full of understanding. “Whatever thats been eating at you, you don’t have to carry it alone. We’re here for you. You know that, right?”

San didn’t answer immediately. His gaze remained fixed on the rain-soaked view outside the window,. The others waited, giving each other shared knowing looks, recognizing the unspoken weight San carried.

Finally, after a deep breath, San spoke. His voice cracked slightly. “It’s just... her. It's getting bad again.”

Wooyoung’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Her?” he echoed softly

Sans's voice came out strained, a mixture of guilt and regret. “The girl I... failed,” he whispered, barely above a breath.

The room froze. Yeosang exchanged a look with Jongho, who shifted uncomfortably in his seat. They didn’t need to ask for further explanation; they knew what he meant. They knew San’s history, the traumatic event that had shaped him into the man he was now.

But it was Wooyoung who spoke up again, not letting San retreat back into silence. “That’s not the only thing, though, is it?” Wooyoung asked, his voice careful. “You’re still holding something back. Something bigger.”

San’s gaze shifted toward him then, his eyes dark with an emotion the others couldn’t quite name. For a moment, there was a flash of something vulnerable, something desperate.

A long silence followed, and San slowly exhaled.

“It’s Y/N,” he admitted,

The others exchanged confused looks. Y/N? They didn’t know who this person was: none of them did. They had only seen flashes of something between San and someone new,nothing more. And now, here San was, just laying it out there.

“Y/N?” Wooyoung echoed, stepping closer to him,“Who are they?”

San swallowed hard, struggling to put into words the whirlwind of emotions you had stirred in him. He never thought he’d have to talk about you to anyone. You were his weakness, his most vulnerable spot. Revealing that felt like handing over his soul.

“She’s...” San’s voice stuttered for a second. He cleared his throat, then continued. “She’s... everything. She’s been making me feel alive again, for the first time in forever. I never thought I could feel something like this. I thought I was broken, that I was just... empty. But when I’m with her, I feel like I can breathe again. Like I’m not the same person I was before. I want to be better for her.”

Wooyoung leaned forward, his eyes softening in understanding. “So this Y/N... shes the reason you’ve been shutting yourself off, right?”

San nodded softly, “Yeah,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “ I’m afraid. Afraid that if I let myself get close to her, if I let myself care about her too much... I’ll lose Y/N. Just like I lost her.”

The pain in his words was unmistakable. Spreading the sorrow through everyone in the room.

“You’re scared of repeating the same mistake,” Hongjoong finally spoke up, the understanding in his tone clear. “You think that if you love Y/N, something bad will happen to her too.”

San’s eyes were distant as he nodded. " I promised I would protect her. I promised I would never let anything happen to her, but I couldn’t keep that promise.”

“San, you can’t keep punishing yourself for something you couldn’t control. What happened in the past isn’t your fault. You did your best, but you can’t carry that weight forever. And Y/N? Shes not her. Shes not the one you lost. You have to stop seeing her through that lens. You can’t keep pushing them away because of your own fear.” Seonghwa suddenly added, his tone laced with a feeling of anger.

Jongho nodded in agreement, his expression softer than usual. “You have to be honest with yourself, San. You can’t protect someone by keeping them at a distance. You can’t protect anyone if you’re not willing to let them in. But you have to trust her, you have to trust yourself.”

San closed his eyes, trying to steady his breath, feeling the weight of their words pressing down on him. The storm inside him raged, torn between the need to protect Y/N and the overwhelming fear that he would fail her just like he had failed the one he couldn’t save.

“I can’t do this again,” San whispered, almost to himself.

Wooyoung placed a hand on San’s shoulder, grounding him. “You won’t lose her, San. But you have to let go of the past. You have to be able to live in the present with Y/N,.You can’t keep running.”

San opened his eyes, staring down at the floor for a long moment, his heart heavy with the truth of what they were saying. He had to let go. But the fear was still there. How could he let go of something that had been a part of him for so long?

Yeosang’s voice cut through the silence again. “We’re not saying you have to forget. But you can’t keep living like this. You have to give Y/N a chance; give yourself a chance. You’re not the same person you were before.”

San looked up at them, his eyes filled with a mixture of hope and uncertainty. “I don’t know if I can,” he said quietly. “But I’ll try.”

Wooyoung smiled softly. “That’s all we ask for, San. We’re with you. And Y/N? She's with you too. But you have to let go of your fear.”

The room fell back into a deep silence, and the rain continued to pour outside. But somewhere beyond the dark tainted clouds, the sun started to shine.

Chapter 3: Y si fuera ella - OUT NOW !!

[inkskinned]

as we enter the start of a semester and the dreaded Hour of Making Friends us upon us... if ur ever at a loss for what to say in one of those weird social situations where you only vaguely-know people, one of my favorite questions to ask is "what is your favorite food crime." a food crime is like the food combination that you love that other people find revolting. press them to take it further than pineapple on pizza, that's rote. food crimes is a good topic that has many benefits as it turns out all people are degenerates and also it will give you some cool ideas to try out later in the privacy of your own degenerate kitchen

the other good thing to ask is "okay but has anyone here ever been someplace haunted" bc it turns out if you ask most people directly they don't believe in ghosts, but many people are like "oh yeah i lived in a haunted house. ghosts aren't real tho"

[icewindandboringhorror]

boy in silly sitting positions compilation

[silkjade]

i haven’t been here much recently, and i’m sorry i’ve only been negative on the off chance i’ve been online, but let me just say one last piece before the end of this month, so that maybe the next might be better….

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Just once, I would like to be able to have a conversation about my feelings with someone where they don't, at some point, start trying to explain to me why something happened such that they are either implying or outright stating I should stop having noticeable feelings at them about a thing and/or telling me that I'm wrong about how I feel and actually if I just understood this thing I would see that I'm being unreasonable to say I feel the way I do.

Just once, for someone's response to be "it sounds like you're feeling [insert thing, e.g hurt, sad, scared, tired, angry, etc], I'm sad that you are dealing with that." Not to take responsibility for my feelings! But for them to acknowledge that they're happening and might matter to me before they move on to whatever the fuck next thing they have to say is

[californiaquail]

anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before

[fallenrigel]

hey hai hello it's me again. my essay is here

im firmly of the belief that kevin was in some way a special needs child, likely neurodivergent in some way. this can make emotions hard to regulate and external stimuli can become overwhelming very easily (see the boss fight line where he yells "EVERYTHING IS TOO LOUD! TOO LOUD!")

this often causes bullying, and kids are RUTHLESS, so it's not too far of a stretch to say that they'd provoke him on purpose, but we all know the thing with bullying. as @waumbgus03 so beautifully put it, "the abusers can do whatever they want, but the second the cornered dogs bite back, they are unjustified and just as bad". we only hear of kevin's behaviour from the scientists, so it's not exactly a stretch to assume we aren't getting the whole story.

how do i know this?

I used to be the 'violent' special needs kid who was written off as the 'problem child' instead of helped.

let me tell you, the other kids know when you are the 'bad kid'. they know they can get away with picking on you. it doesn't matter what they do as long as you hit last. and when you are bigger and stronger than the other kids like kevin was said to be, you always hit last.

you are constantly blamed for defending yourself, and whatever friends you do have are written off as 'not really counting' because you may get rough with them. dr white literally does in kevin's tape, and we know kevin had real friends, because in chapter 3's 6th tape, 'void', his friend joseph gets worried sick about his friend and goes out of his way to find and check on him.

this is further reinforced by the phrasing of "hurt back" as opposed to just "hurt you". he doesn't hit first. he hits back. but he was the 'problem child', put down as being prone to outbursts and violence, so he always copped the blame by default.

and trust me, being blamed constantly for standing up for yourself and being told you are somehow lesser than the very same kids who bullied you so badly that you felt you had to lash out just to save yourself? being constantly written off as the cause of problems you weren't even part of because of that reputation, even? not getting the help you need because the other kids are 'better' and 'more deserving', even if that's not what the teachers meant to imply?

it doesn't make you any less of an angry kid.

i feel it's also worth noting that in this list of people he says to 'hurt back', he lists parents. teachers and scientists we understand, but parents?

jack's parents didn't hurt him. he clearly didn't recognise them as his parents because he yelled that they were lying and clobbered them (WHICH ISN'T HIS FAULT, BY THE WAY! the scientist literally directly says in the tape that he's still adjusting to the new body and thus could not possibly comprehend his newfound strength, reinforced by his immediate retreat once he was done to let jack take over. he's been turned from maybe ~150 pounds into 900. of course he's gonna accidentally kill the first thing he sees, he's terrified). he mistook them for wolves in sheep's clothing because every other adult in that place had been. i don't think it was them he was referring to by 'parents'. matthew very obviously adored his family, who kevin never met, so it can't have been them either.

he had to mean kevin's parents. his own parents. he seems to have come from an abusive home where he learnt to hit back as a means of survival and since he clearly wasn't helped in playcare, how can you expect him to behave any differently now? in the factory's current hellscape in particular, how can you expect him to regulate now of all times? that anger keeps him and everyone he cares for alive. playing nice clearly doesn't get you much down there.

but that's the thing! he did behave differently when we met him!! we hear who is almost definitely kevin during the majority of the interrogation room line, the workyard speech, the lines about really wanting to trust you (HINT HINT), the frustration about the freezing pipes, even the "use this" as he gives you the battery in the generator room.

he went out of his way to be kind to you. hell, he was downright personable! straight-up amiable! positively affable, even! if he wanted the player dead, they would have been. if anything, his restraint was admirable! but he genuinely wanted to trust them. after a lifetime of trusting adults only ever leading to being hurt, he took a chance on this 'angel'. he let them in even when he clearly wasn't sure if he could, let alone should.

and then immediately afterwards, as a direct result of that trust, everything he loved went up in flames.

of course he blamed the player. hell, in his shoes, i'd probably blame them too! it's not a rational response, but what did you expect? he's a scared, lost, angry kid who has had everything he's known ripped from him three times over now. every time he hits rock bottom, something gives out from under him and it gets worse. all he has left now is that he is part of doey, and i can't imagine he spent all this time fighting to survive just to give that up now.

tl;dr: kevin clearly wanted to trust you, but this is the third time he has lost everything because of playtime co. the player is the adult, the employee, who he gave a chance to even after all that hurt, and it was in large part due to their actions that he lost everything again.

you can't blame him for being angry. why are you angry at this child for trying to protect what little he had left? he's just a boy, same as the others. why do you treat him so differently?

"the abusers can do whatever they want, but the second the cornered dogs bite back, they are unjustified and just as bad."

STOP ACTING LIKE KEVIN ISN'T ALSO A CHILD

I know we’re all enjoying chapter four but I need to get something off my chest…

Some of ya'll —mostly children and/or people with no critical thinking skills— have all the understandable sympathy for Matthew and Jack and what they went through before, during, and after they became Doey but you don't have this same sympathy for Kevin.

It's not Kevin's fault Doey became an "enemy" at the end of Chapter 4. Its not Kevin's fault that he was also assimilated into Doey. It's not Kevin's fault that he went through the trauma of losing his parents as a child. Trauma that also definitely lead to his anger issues and unkempt temper. Trauma that seemingly didn't get taken care of the counsellors in Playcare.

Kevin was a child too. Just like Matthew and Jack. After all the evidence we've been shown throughout the series, to blame one of these kids for being unstable after LOSING THEIR PARENTS, BEING EXPEIRMENTED ON and then TURNED INTO A LIVING TOY WITH TWO OTHER CHILDREN SHARING THE SAME BODY is absolutely ludacris.

If Matthew didn't deserve it, and Jack didn't deserve it, Kevin didn't either.

You can't pick and chose which kids to feel sympathy for, both in this series and in real life.

NONE of them deserved to be experimented on. NONE of them deserved the fates they received.

NONE of them deserved that fate.

Rart over.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

omgg lol [guy who won't stop going "more like scapeGOATED" voice] now hold! on!! lmao [same guy just saw encanto voice] Hold on!!!

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

Hey, I don't normally make my own posts about this, but.

Do not argue with an anti on their own terms.

Don't get me wrong, I get it. You see the hypocrisy. You see the way they take aim at your favorite ships or characters or tropes while enjoying something similar. And you think "if I can point out to them just how hypocritical and idiotic they look right now, everyone will see our argument, they'll see that the anti is wrong and a hypocrite, and then maybe more people will stop harassing the people who like my thing. Maybe the anti will see the light and stop being a hypocrite."

But it will not work. It will not work.

There is an extremely high chance one of two things will occur:

They will double down on their argument, and ignore what you've said. (Ex. They might say "This relationship has an age gap. That's p3dophi1ia. That's dangerous." And you might say "well you ship something with the same age gap. Is it not p3dophi1ia and dangerous when you do it?" And they will just double down and say "This ship is dangerous. The shippers are grasping at straws to make their p3d0 ship normal.")

They will agree with you, but in the worst way possible. (Ex. Someone says "Ew your ship are basically siblings because they're childhood friends and grew up together. 1nc3st apologist." And you might respond "And yet we allow our most popular ship in this fandom to be popular? They grew up together as childhood friends and were inseparable. Why is that not inc3st?" because you think they'll gain a sense of perspective here. But then that person responds "People who ship that popular ship are freaks too then." Maybe they believed that before the convo or maybe they didn't, but the point now is that (while not your intention or fault by any means) some people have gone on to harass shippers of a ship that aren't doing anything wrong. What you think will bring clarity ends up raising tensions between shippers instead)

Do not meet them where they're at on their preconceived notions. You will not make them believe that they are wrong or hypocrites. Do not concede to their heavy assertions of abuse, p3dophi1ia, 1nc3st, etc levied against the thing you like for the sake of arguing that they are a hypocrite, or with intent to make them feel dumb for inadvertently labeling 80% of a fandom with said labels. They will not "see the light". The best thing you can do, if you have to say anything, is double down with "I'm not hurting anyone and it's fiction. I can do whatever I want" or "I don't give a shit what harmless things people like as long as it's tagged and I can filter out what I dislike" (especially if this is your stance). Then block and move on.

Antis, like trolls, thrive on engagement. They want you to argue so they can continue to point at you or lie about you or make you look bad.

It is in your best interest to pick your battles, and to try to sus out the difference between a friendly argument or standing up for yourself versus feeding the trolls. You won't make the right choice every time, all of us are human after all, but I promise you that ignoring and blocking bad faith actors, deleting their hate anons, etc, is not the coward's way out. Sometimes you don't need to fight. Sometimes keeping yourself from platforming bad faith actors and giving them nothing to go on will do the job (because there are more antis that are just small blogs with little power to do anything than you think, the kinds of people whose inflammatory posts will die if no one touches them).

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[memento-morri-writes]

It's been well over a week now (maybe two??) but I'm still plugging away (ever-so-slowly) at this vignette about Zara and Rook. Zara's POV is a lot of fun to write, now that I have a better sense of her character. Writing this has really solidified in my mind the kind of person she is and how she acted when she was Rook's captain and mentor. She's very calm and collected in comparison to Rook, even when under a lot of stress.

Anyways, have a little snippet that I'm proud of from today, featuring the origins of the coin trick!

Pacing back and forth across her cabin floor, she rolled the coin back and forth over her knuckles again and again. The motion was easy, almost mindless, more muscle memory than real intent. The coin trick had been her favorite way to soothe her nerves for years now. She’d picked it up out of idle curiosity after watching a street performer dining in a tavern in Bon Largo, who had chatted with her for over an hour as she fretted about something mundane, never once dropping the coin from their fingers. The same performer had later tried to steal her coin purse and ended up with nothing but a new scar for their trouble, but Zara had learned two important things from the encounter: Not to trust a warm smile and a pretty face, and that keeping her hands moving kept her mind from dwelling too much on worrisome things.

one-time tagging @space-writes because they commented on my tags about Rook learning the coin trick from Zara in one of my other snippets from this piece.

[leethepiper]

“DON’T YOU GET IT?! COMPATIBILITY TESTING ISNT SOME FUCKING JOKE TO US! It Hollows You Out- Rips Your Mangled Shell Open- And Then Puts Whatever Is Left Of You Back In As If You Could Ever Be The Same.”

Sideswipe panted, he sounded wrecked, like this was something that tore its way out of his voicebox throat instead of being spoken.

“It’s like pouring liquid slag into your engine instead of fuel, and pumping it throughout your body like it’s your damn blood.”

Jazz looks away, quietly muttering something about lead and anthills.

Sideswipe begins to say something else- Hound cuts him off.

“Enough Sideswipe,” not Simon, not Simon anymore, never Simon “they didn’t know and we didn’t tell them. Nothing was meant by it.”

Hound sounded calm (but his hands servos were shaking.)

“Sure, Yeah, just let them Keep Talking About 'Living A Long Life' AS IF WE HAVEN'T ALREADY TOLD THEM WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A PILOT!? As If We Haven’t Already Signed Our Death Warrants In Red and Walked To The Guillotine With Our Hands Unbound? As IF WE DIDN’T CHOOSE THIS?”

The room was silent save for Simon’s Sideswipe’s panting.

…

“as if any pilot in this room could live to see another 20 years?”

Prowl flinched.

It wasn't Sideswipe who said it.

"He's right, and it's been driving all of us insane. Having it rubbed in our faces that we're not going to get an after. Pilots have no happily ever after. The closest thing we get is being allowed to die how we want.

What was done to us is irreversible and painful. There are consequences of becoming a pilot. One of them is that we won't live long enough to see the end of this war unless we can carve it out for ourselves."

Jazz spoke softly, but his words weighed more than the judgment of a hundred thousand people.

...

"Fuck it" Hound murmured.

"Blurry vision," because your brain can forget what it's like to have eyes, "disassociation," because the strain sometimes means that your brain needs to step away even if your body doesn't, "memory loss," people can't always handle more input than their bodies give them, mecha are too much, "paralysis," pilots like that weren't accepted even if they were compatible, "altered personality," aggression, mood swings, depression, "brain death," pilot after pilot who went too far into the drift and never came back, "shortened lifespan," most pilots don't live long enough for that to matter, "trauma, PTSD, trouble breathing," nightmares, waking up screaming and unable to draw breath because a mecha doesn't need to breath "part rejection," pilot's bodies being unable to process the difference between mecha and man and losing life and limb(s) over injuries that didn't even touch them, "and more, there's always more."

"Only 0.3% of pilots have ever retired or been retired, 2/3 of them have already chosen to find salvation through the loop of a noose rather than die in bed or end up on shockwave's table."

Hound sat down on one of the chairs in the room.

"There's a reason pilots prefer to die fighting."

...

Sunstreaker stepped onto the soapbox next.

"Sides and I have been pilots for six years. To you, that's nothing. To most pilots? That's a hundred times longer than they expect to live after compatibility testing.

We have more experience than most pilots because most of those who came before us are dead, and most who came after us are also dead."

...

"I did not choose to be a pilot," Breakdown said, "I was conscripted. All the same, I choose to continue, and I choose to fight."

...

I swear to god I am so ready for one of the guys from the Arcturus Mission to lose their temper if one more bot tries to convince them to "think about the future and the life you could enjoy!" And just. Going off like "There IS no future! It's not just about piloting being dangerous, it's that being a pilot is not conducive to LIFE! They've taken out, replaced, and added so many things to us that it is not sustainable! Even if we stopped fighting right now, we would never live to be old! Either or bodies give out from the strain or the mods malfunction and kill us!" I don't know why I felt like sharing this dramatic rant i pictured somebody having. But I thought maybe it'd be enjoyable. I am seriously eating up all the misconceptions the cybertronian's have about the humans. And it just keeps getting worse! Like the humans have already come out and pretty much admitted to being heavily modified. But I can't forgot the scene of Hound admitting to Knockout that he can't read expressions from visors very well either. And maybe that's just how their species is, having different ways of conveying emotions to each other. Except the humans seem pretty well versed in understanding facial expressions, have likely used words specific to describing facial expressions. To the point it might be logical to conclude that humans normally have faces. And yet none of the pilots do. Sorry this started out as me just sharing the dramatic rant I'd imagined, and then I just started sharing more thoughts. Um... Enjoy???

I have to let everyone see this.

I feel like you’re inside my head, this is incredible. Believe me, with irritability being a symptom of overuse that blow up moment is coming. Cause all these guys figured they wouldn’t live very long, they all thought Jazz was dead and now these thousands of year old mechs keep talking about their long lives? It would piss off a totally calm person.

And yeah, I definitely feel like someone would/could be piecing that together for the visors v faces thing. At some point, one of them is just going to erupt on how horrible the compatibility testing is and how much it changed them mentally and physically.

[youremyonlyhope]

why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up