#i don't know. i don't know why i'm just. going through it rn.
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I was just looking through those recently posted tf:one storyboards (crying sobbing throwing up about the megop rn) But I just have to say I do kind of wish they had kept this dialogue in the final movie, bc I've seen SO many people misunderstanding what Orion was trying to say in the scene where he's trying to stop D-16/Megatron from killing Sentinel, and I think this version phrases it better??
Like.... I can't even tell you how many people I've seen say that Orion was trying to protect Sentinel/sacrificing his life for Sentinel's, and then go on to accuse him of being everything from a "liberal" to a fascist apologist lmfao (🤡)
When to me it was clear he hated Sentinel and didn't give a fuck about whether this man lived or died, his concern was with trying to prevent his best friend and person he loves most in the world from committing a murder and going down a path that would turn him into the same kind of dictator.
imo, Orion was trying to say that they'd already won and killing Sentinel in this manner (a public execution without a trial) would set a harmful precedent for a new society. Which is true, what they'd be creating if they took Megatron's approach would be a society where order was maintained through fear and subjugation, and without any kind of fair justice system.
Killing Sentinel didn't achieve anything that would actually help anyone, bc like I already mentioned, they'd already won by then. They liberated the oppressed population and took Sentinel's power away, he no longer posed any threat. Megatron’s only motivation was revenge and he was making decisions out of anger and grief rather than thinking about what was best for everyone. He took the decision of what to do with Sentinel away from the people by taking it into his own hands without letting them have an opinion.
(Before anyone comes at me, I know the desire for revenge is understandable and justified, which is why we're able to empathise with him so much. But that doesn't mean it's always the right choice in every circumstance, especially for someone stepping into a position of power)
I think the line that really got people mixed up was Orion saying "don't be like Sentinel", bc people are so used to the "killing the villain makes you as bad as the villain" sentiment in every movie ever that they automatically assumed this movie was saying the same thing. But when you stop to take the context into consideration it would make a lot more sense if he meant "don't be the same kind of leader as Sentinel", which IS what he meant, it's just worded badly.
And it's the truth too?? we all know Megatron will become a genocidal dictator who will carry out so much of the same kind of oppression he originally fought against, that's like his whole tragedy as a villain. There's so many little ways tf:one shows us this happening at the end (like him branding the decepticons the way he was branded for example).
But anyway......... as much as I wish media didnt have to spoonfeed audiences so much, I think if Orion's argument had been spelled out a bit more unambiguously like this it might have spared me having to see so many bad takes online lmao 😭
Now that I'm done rambling about all of that please look at this wattpad boyfriend chest touch moment
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more #womeninmalefields?
With Pleasure
If you are not objectively attractive why would you even try.
You are either making sense, making me money, or making your way away from me.
Sweats and jeans and t-shirt date immediate block. Unless I also came looking homeless
Single until married
Treating my interactions with random men like an audition for future husband duties. Have you ever changed a diaper? Did you grow up with a loving mother? Have you tried therapy? What's your body count? Last time you did an STD check?
Single fathers should date single mothers parents should date each other I did NOT dodge teen pregnancy all the way to now to be a stepmum to some toddler. Divorced okay. Baby mama? Walk? Go raise your family bruh.
Using male names for insult and degradation. Karen? no. Andrew. Bitch? No. You fucking dog. Motherfucker? Nope. I don't even use the male equivalent of this lol. Slut? Rake. You look run through you look kinda withered. IS the hairline even in the room with us? Why does your voice sound like that? Yeah ok Kevin. But why do you look like that? What will your wife think? Did your mom not love you? Motherless behavior. Why are you acting like a man rn? Basically just misandry.
Unnecessary ass lying I'll just do it for fun. Because I can. & if you catch me well you are the problem obviously.
Randomly texting all day bc I'm bored & the just randomly going a month no text idk get a life?
Flirting for fun like I was just bored idk. We cool like that you know?
Just take your average mediocre male with audacity. Flip genders. exactly that. Except much more immature & with an insane capacity to neg. And if its mind games we can play mind games.
If you know I'm materialistic and don't have materials why are you in my space right now brotha :)
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i also feel like mack and sammy are more similar and will and blarie are similar so the relationships between all of them are just adorable !
going more on will and blarie he also understands her for why she broke up with mack because he gets it especially with him breaking up with sammy
and of course sammy is definitely a sister to blarie
i totally agree. will and blaire will become really close and so will samy and mack. (also in my active era rn so send more requests in and ill answer!)
au masterlist
mack invited blaire and will over to hang out since he wanted them to get to know one another better because they were the two closest people in his life at the moment (besides his family). blaire was more than happy to hang out, especially because she really liked joe's little daughter, ayla. will had nothing better to do, so he made the drive over.
now they were sitting on the back steps of the porch watching mack run around with ayla and river in a game of what the little kids liked to call "tackle the hockey player." will opted out after being chased five times and blaire got a pass because the little two didn't wanna tackle her.
"they love him," blaire smiled watching her boyfriend run around and the kids were screaming his name.
"they really do. they for sure look up to him," will chuckled.
"i'm sure the marleau kids love you too," the dirty blonde said and the blonde smiled to himself. "yeah, they think i'm pretty cool i guess."
"you know mack talks about you a lot. if i didn't know any better, i'd assume you two were dating or something," blaire teased making both of them laugh.
"yeah, we really can't beat those allegations. he's a really cool person. it's cool you guys knew one another before this," will and blaire met each other's gazes.
"did he tell you that i thought he was super annoying and stuck up when he first came to shattuck?"
"i actually don't know a lot about you. mack kept it quiet," the blonde admitted.
"figures. well, my fourteen year old self never thought he was special or anything just because he played hockey. i thought all hockey players were stuck up, no offense," will laughed, "none taken."
"it wasn't until i actually talked to him that i finally realized maybe he wasn't as stuck up as i thought he was. his dedication was admirable and then we just kept hanging out more and more and then one thing led to another.." blaire blushed as her voice faded off. those days at shattuck seemed like so long ago.
"what made you guys break up?" will wondered not knowing how much of a touchy subject it still was. when blaire fell spent he quickly backtracked, "you don't have to tell me. i was just wondering."
"it was a lot of stuff, but i guess i kind of freaked when we were going to different school across the country. i thought he was gonna leave me or something and i wanted to save myself the hurt so i left before i could get hurt," the girl finally explained and will's chest burned hearing how similar that sounded to what happened to him and samy this past summer.
"i know that one a little too well.." the blonde mumbled making the figure skater snap her gaze to him. will stared at their shoes instead of meeting her glance.
"you do?"
"kind of, yeah. samy and i went through something similar. i freaked too i guess. i thought i couldn't be the boyfriend she needed being so far away. i broke up with her at the beginning of the summer and we didn't get back together until i moved to san jose. i get the feeling though. it's one that just consumes you until it's all you think about at night and you have to do something about it to stop thinking about it," will's head hung low. he hated thinking about this past summer and how much he hurt samy and himself thinking he was making the right choice.
blaire stared at him in disbelief though because he described perfectly the feeling she constantly thought about in the back of her mind and how she fought every bad thought she still had about not being good enough for mack and running when things got serious.
"you get it," the girl mumbled and will finally met her gaze. "i guess i get scared of people leaving all the time whenever i get close to them because my mom left and then my older brother just doesn't talk to me anymore," she added when the blonde didn't respond right away.
"i'm sorry. that sucks," he frowned.
"it's fine. i think i'm finally working through it and mack makes sure i know he won't just leave me like that," they looked back out at the brunette still running around with the littles.
"well, you definitely have a super cool boyfriend and now super cool best friend to the boyfriend, so i'm always here to talk about that stuff if you ever want to," will smiled softly making blaire smile back.
"thanks, will. that means a lot. i can't wait to get to know you more and your girlfriend. you two seem like really important people in mack's life," the blonde flushed.
"you could say that, yeah."
"guys, i'm getting tired. someone needs to sub in," mack called from the yard where he doubled over to catch his breath. ayla and river laughed at him.
"i don't know man, i'm pretty beat," will called back.
"maybe it's time we all head inside? i think we're all tired," blaire laughed and stood up. she watched mack convince the two that they should go inside and then they came running to the steps.
"that was rough," mack mumbled when he made it over.
"they're really good at tackling. that will be good for when they wanna send people in the boards," will joked.
"oh, i'm sure joe will love that," mack said and they all headed inside to see what else ayla and river wanted to do.
#figure skater x macklin celebrini au#figure skating#figure skater x hockey player#macklin x blaire#blaire stevenson#will smith hockey#samy x will#macklin celebrini#macklin celebrini fluff#macklin celebrini x oc#macklin celebrini fic#macklin celebrini au#macklin celebrini imagine#macklin celly#macklin celebrini blurb#mack celebrini#mack celly#macklin celebrini 71#mc71#san jose sharks#sjs#sj sharks#santa clara university#san jose sharks fic
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I got the way more practical justification, not inheritance - as if there's a manor to be born to in my family, hahaha! - probably for class reasons
What kills me is the utter presumptuousness of the "Who will take care of you when you're old??" response I get when I say I have no kids
Because
1) wtf, do I need kids as "free" (not really) labor to help me sow & plow & harvest & thresh & then take care of me when I'm too old to do all that? No I do not - we get our food at supermarkets, or the corner shop, or go to a restaurant, or delivered right to the house, or from the food cart on the corner etc etc - point is, we don't have to grow & harvest, fish for or hunt it down & kill & slaughter it ourselves anymore)
&
2) do you have ANY idea how many sick people I took care of in the ER, who had children, who did not come to them in the ER because they were unable/unwilling?? eg they live in another state/moved there for work/spouse; they're disabled themselves; they're in the military; they work a job where they don't have cell reception or can't have a cell phone on them 24/7; they're undomiciled addicts now; they hate/are estranged from their parent; their parent abused them as a child; they're off their meds & no one knows where they are; they predeceased their parent/the parent outlived the child/ren; they were kicked out & disowned by the parent for being LGBTQ+whatevs, etc etc
Used to be, you had kids for those 2 main self serving reasons (& the usual "perpetuation of the species" urge to procreate) - but all those reasons are obsolete
& if you do have kids? Yeah, and? So what?
You can "do everything right" & raise them right & not abuse them & they still won't necessarily be able to help you when you're old & infirm for all of the above reasons
So cultivate your friend network & chosen family, be kind to neighbors & strangers (for those angels you entertain unawares may just be your only help when you need it) & ffs don't be an asshole to your kids (& by that I do not mean give them everything they want/ask for, or try to be their friend - you're the adult, you can't reason with a 3 year old (their brain literally has not developed abstract reasoning yet) - I mean don't use/abuse them emotionally, sexually, psychologically, or physically; don't live your life through them; don't try to right the wrongs of your childhood through them; don't divide & conquer them if you have more than one; don't helicopter/smother them & cause them to be dependent/helpless/ineffectual; don't treat them like they're your prince/ss & you're their servant & then wonder why they don't help you when you need it, etc etc)
On the first day of pediatric nursing in nursing school, my pediatric nursing instructor said: your job, as a parent, is to teach your kids how to live without you
You could've heard a pin drop
It was clear no one (in a classroom of 90+% females) had ever considered this before -
and for shame, really; how is it that squirrels & rabbits & coyotes & foxes & deer know to do this & humans don't?
The point is, parenting is teaching your kids how to get along in life when you're gone - not how to take care of you when you're old -
because you can count on the former but not on the latter
Above all, do not place all your "when I'm old..." eggs in the "but, I have kids" basket
You don't yet know what life has in store for you or for the hypothetical kids
You could have child/ren & still not have someone to care for you when you're old
Trust me - I saw that a lot - constantly, actually
& anyone who tells you that you 'need to' have kids, you have my permission to tell them:
"really? because this ex-ER RN* on Tumblr said... [all of the above]"
& carry on with your child free life
(Or, you know, just rec they watch S1 True Detective... & Matthew McConaughey will lay it all out for them by way of writer Nic Pizzolatto's plagiarism of Thomas Ligotti (& yeah I'm calling it plagiarism because that's what it was in spirit, if not by the letter of the law)
*I'm still an RN, lol! - just not ER
The older generation's fixation on forcing you to have kids is something they absolutely refuse to unlearn. You can give the calmest and most reasonable explanation for not having kids and the only thing they can think to say is, "But what of the heir to the lands?" "Who will inherit the throne?" "Please sire upon your barren death there will be a parochial schism that will soak our soils with brother-blood." They literally hate to see you happy with just a cat.
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"I didn't really raise either of you in a gendered way" When I was like 10 or 11 maybe 12 but definitely not 13 yet, one day you asked me if I wanted to try on the wedding dress you married my dad in. I liked playing dress up and I liked hanging out with you, so I said yes. We're in the living room that you would (already have?) marry my stepdad in. You button up the back of the dress, I don't know why this becomes a core memory. You married my stepdad in a sundress, very casual, very small "event", only the barest of minimum people required to officiate and witness the wedding were there. You tell me, "Maybe one day, when you get married, you can wear this dress. Oh, but you don't have to if you don't want to! But, do you want it?" I still have the dress. I'm a man. And I don't think I'll ever marry. "You can get rid of it, you won't hurt my feelings." I can't.
#i literally like. have such a chip in my shoulder about marriage it's unreal.#it's like. i don't even have the extreme fundamentalist excuse. everything was presented as a 'choice' or a 'suggestion'#but like. somehow. i still extrapolated Something from that. what you expect from me. what you want for me.#and as i got older. it became increasingly clear that i would never be able to. be anywhere close to that.#i don't know. i don't know why i'm just. going through it rn.#i don't know if it's cause i haven't seen her in a long time. fucked up but i think it's been a year if not longer.#she hasn't seen my piercings yet. that's how long it's been.#and like. i had such an intense one sided rivalry like. posturing myself as the better son bc#i'm the one who stayed when i had every fucking reason to leave. and. comparitively.#he has valid emotional reasons but i'm the faggot. i'm the tranny. you are and always have been the golden boy.#and you have NEVER lived up to it. and there are reasons. but you still get more humanity than i ever will.#even though objectively like you just fucked up. so much. so badly. at every turn.#idk i need to stop talking about it. but like. ever since it finally seemed like he's getting divorced#from. like. like. okay fine while i'm at it. it would have been FINE if you just fucked off had a kid got married#like. i COULD accept that and be happy for you. if NOT for the fucking fact that you ended up in.#just. a horrible horrible relationship where the poor kids you brought into the world were not safe.#and you are not free from guilt either.#man i really just. i need to fuck off for real.#but he's been living w my mom w his kids. and you know what. i feel like i'm free from my duties.#mom is occuied w one of her kids and her grandkids now. i know they may be exposed to psychological damage#but physically. they are safe. and god. is it naive. to hope that make he can reconcile w her.#not as a responsibility but like. he needed it. badly.#not like i'm ever gonna get the reconciliation i need. not that i even want it.#like. as a person. i just don't like him.
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The thing no one ever considers while writing up character analyses about Merlin is that. he must have been sooooooo sleepy.
#I see everyone talking about the nuances when you look at Merlin through [x] lens#BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SLEEPY LENS#WE CAN’T KEEP SLEEPING ON THE SLEEPY LENS#(can u tell I'm exhausted)#see this reads as if I'm joking but I'm actually being SO serious. I think the lack of rest was a significant factor in Merlin's conduct#IF he got a solid 8 hours of sleep + 2 hours minimum JUST to himself everyday uninterrupted... I just know things would turn out different#like it isn't even asking for much. decent sleep + a frankly sad amount of down-time. and yet. I know he didn't get that w those 3 jobs#ugh#he must have been TIRED do you hear me#even applies to morgana she looked tired tbh. those prophetic dreams probably weren't great for restfulness. sad what she did but#she did seem sleepy#okay ignore this I am going through it. extrinsic intrinsic coagulation pathways have gotten to me if u know what I mean#actually wait no if anyone sees this don't ignore it#HE MUST HAVE BEEN SO SLEEPY and everyone must understand. SLEEPy.#I hope I do not wake up and reread this and wonder why I posted this. but like I feel like I am the correctest person on planet earth rn#I've been thinking abt merlin's nap deprived state for years now tbh#merlin#bbc merlin
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Thinking about @gehtsis’s children and how terrifying it would be to get their team assigned to help you escape from a mystery dungeon.
If these are what my heroes look like I'm 99% certain I'd be screaming and running the other way. Menacing cryptid-looking grim reaper and cursed psychic clay doll. I love them.
#I know you said to go wild with their designs while drawing these two in the post formally introducing them#but I loved Erida’s design as you’ve drawn her too much to take many liberties with her#Gaia meanwhile got scarring on her arms that i hc is from her using Hyper Beam with a tad too much zest while defending Erida#and vaguely eyelash-like markings (I enjoy the idea of Gaia basically having the PMD equivalent of Adonis-level attractiveness---#--- like. she's looks like she's chiseled by a master sculptor who was in the mood to give everyone on earth the most lamentable crushes---#--- and I thought it would be funny to give her eyelash-resembling markings as a bit of goofy humor bc of how funny it'd be to---#--- pair this trait up with a bishie sparkle effect.#The bishie sparkle gag specifically needs to have Erida in the bg looking like she hasn't slept a full 8 hours in her life imho.)#On another note Gehtsis did you see the Ultra Sun pokedex entry for claydol???#“If it gets wet its body melts. When rain starts to fall it wraps its whole body up with its psychic powers to protect itself.”#I'm imagining Gaia being completely unaffected by a torrential downpour and Erida is standing next to her looking like a drowned rat#I don't know why I'm being so mean to Erida rn I seriously love her so much. I just show that love through bullying I guess ^^;#pmd oc#pmd ocs#pokemon mystery dungeon#pokémon mystery dungeon#pmd explorers#pmd eos#pmd sky#pmd2#pmd#stuff by sofie
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idk if i've discussed it before (i have certainly THOUGHT about it) but someone on my kuwa suffering ep 89 comp mentioned it and i just had to go off about it like. ok. sensui tells yusuke something along the lines of "you heard itsuki" when itsuki's inside the uraotoko, implying that not only can sensui hear those inside the uraotoko, but that he expects yusuke to be able to as well. which means that yusuke Almost Certainly Heard And Kind Of Ignored kuwabara's prolonged mental breakdown and wailing about how much he needs yusuke to live etc. which. guHHH i hate him yusuke you ass but also listen.
the only acknowledgement yusuke gives to this (if any) is when he says something like "sensui you're sooo fucking cooked this plan's going perfectly (my friends are going to get strong and kill you when i die)." he's trash talking to sensui, ignoring the others because, i think, he doesn't want to acknowledge what he's doing to them.
yusuke is explicitly recreating the experience he had with kuwabara's "death" at the hands of toguro, complete with the announcement of intent (and power) to kill, the inability to impede the threat in any way (barring a power-breakthrough), and the target in some way racing towards/volunteering for their death. yusuke learns through doing, and through tough love-style approaches. it's only effective if it hurts. watching kuwabara die like that was devastating to yusuke, but it sure as hell fucking worked. he beat toguro because of that maneuver. so even if he has to (re-)traumatize his friends in the process, this method will make his friends stronger, and he feels confident in that. but he never had to live with the consequences of kuwabara's death, not really. that's something hiei makes clear before they enter the cave as well, that there are no fake-outs ready to make him or anyone else stronger. the only deaths here will be real. the only power gained will come at a high, permanent cost. hiei's warning is an attempt to keep everyone alive, to keep yusuke from being stupid. and then yusuke decides to take that fatality into his own hands, but it's kind of his friends who would pay the price. he's going to make them live through the days, months, years without him, the actual permanency of loss (assuming they survive for that long), something he never experienced with kuwabara (a new facet of that traumatic scenario), AND he's escaping the emotional fallout of this choice through death. he doesn't have to see them mourn, won't get yelled at, won't watch them fail to move on. he's tapping out and choosing to believe they'll be fine.
but i think he feels guilty. just a little. i mean, yusuke couldn't even believe that people cared about him enough to want him alive in episode one. he's staked everything on his friends, which means he still kind of... doesn't value his own life, at least not compared to theirs. but he believes his friends love him and want him around, and we know that because he has to, or else he wouldn't make a plan that depends entirely on that love. he is actively leveraging the care he doesn't think he deserves, trying to hurt them in a way he is intimately familiar with (only worse), for.... what, exactly?
this is kind of my sticking point tbh. i don't think the answer is... super clear, but let's start with what it's not.
yusuke is not doing this because it is the most practical way to save all of humanity; that would be the mafukan, which he stopped. it could be a gamble to save all of his friends? the mafukan strategy would guarantee koenma's death/eternal imprisonment, whereas this strategy gambles all of humanity on the chance that his friends come out of the Easy Break Oven strong enough to avert the end of the world. if the sacrifice of even one friend is completely intolerable, perhaps he'd accept those slim odds and their steep consequences. yusuke tends to take risks like that, especially when he's got fight-induced tunnel vision. he doesn't think things through too much; his schemes are usually dependent on surprising his enemy enough to oneshot them. truthfully, i think this is the closest we'll get to an answer, and it's a more conventional one for this kind of story. but there is another layer i haven't been able to get from my mind.
i think yusuke is gifting each of his friends an honorable warrior's death.
so, in case it needs saying, yusuke, kuwabara, kurama, and hiei all (at least once, if not several times) exhibit a desire to die in combat in a way they deem noble to give their lives purpose (usually by self-sacrifice, but sometimes by another metric of honor, like hiei's duel with shigure and his desire to die in mutual defeat against an evenly matched opponent; or even kurama's decision to fight shigure in his human form, displaying a sort of passive suicidality via placing being true to himself in this (somewhat symbolic/inconsequential) way over survival). they need to make their lives count for something, because they feel guilty for being alive (kurama and hiei feel guilty for their past actions (hiei's is most evident in his distance from yukina, though that's not its primary reason), hiei, kuwabara, and yusuke have all been ostracized and made to feel like burdens on/unwanted by their caregivers and general society; all four of them have felt profound isolation even from their loved ones (yusuke and hiei are rather obvious; kurama can never tell his mother about the majority of his life nor what she truly means to him in the context of it; and kuwabara is separated from his peers for his spiritual awareness and his "stupidity" (plus his parents aren't around? and he is Desperate to define manhood/manliness through a broader pop cultural one which includes the warrior sacrifice thing bc he has no male role models BUT that's for another post) (i will admit kuwa's the most tenuous one here irt isolation)). they want to die for a cause so badly it's actually physically painful to me. it is passive suicidality, and they define their lives and identities by their relation to, engagement with, and skill at doing violence, etc. they live to die by the sword. anyway. nobody talks about it but i think it's very important to understanding what yusuke's doing here.
because i think he knows that about himself and his friends. they're kindred spirits. at the very least he knows this about kuwabara, who literally made a speech about this before diving into toguro's fingers In The Event That He Is Recreating Explicitly. he is dying nobly like they all want to on the chance that they'll get to break out and fight sensui rather than dying without even getting to take a swing. it's about his pride and theirs. but i don't think yusuke necessarily believes they'll win. he knows better than anyone how strong sensui is, and how wide the gap is between sensui and team urameshi. his stated position that humanity is doomed and that he doesn't care about its fate is, i think, not completely genuine, but if we take it at face value, he's not killing himself so that his friends can survive the end of the world. something's going to come around and kill them eventually. he's doing it so they can survive long enough to fight sensui. he needs them (specifically kuwabara) to be strong enough to free themselves to begin round two. but he's given up on their side winning, on humanity surviving, on his own victory---why should he think his friends are capable of winning? this could be another case of yusuke's fight-blinders. it could be another gamble, more blind faith put in his friends. but honestly it reads more to me that yusuke's giving them a chance to die together on the battlefield. them winning would be great, but it's not his goal. it's a pipe dream.
he knows he's going to be killed. they're probably going to be killed, too. but to make it so they last a little longer against sensui, to make the odds a little more even, so they are killed not like livestock, but like worthy fighters, he'd die a little faster. it's the best kind of death someone like them can have; and he'll deprive himself of it just to make their ends a little sweeter. even if the road to that is far more bitter.
but it's not like yusuke's friends know what he's thinking or agree to it, and he can't exactly make his case for it in the moment. he's making that choice for them. whatever his intentions, whatever odds he thinks they have of beating sensui, he's kind of sealing all of their fates. so how the hell is he supposed to acknowledge kuwabara screaming at him not to die, trying desperately to express what yusuke means to him in what could be their final moments together? this plan is going to hurt his friends terribly. it is already doing so, and he can hear it. his choices to stop koenma from using the mafukan and to die for his friends' strength are both selfish in some way, no matter how you read the scene. if yusuke comforts kuwabara, he might not get strong enough. if he twists the knife, well... how could he forgive himself? and either way by responding he would have to face them all and say yes, i'm doing this regardless of your feelings (with the intention of hurting you). so i think he does what he often does. he avoids it. he lets that emotion glance off him and his bravado and his one-liners so he doesn't have to deal with the fact that he's hurting people, that he's scared and guilty and unsure of himself. that he's about to die again, about to put kuwabara through the grief he saw at his wake again, only worse; about to put his quieter friends through something similar.
yusuke is confronted with the responsibility one has to the people who care for them, and he runs from it in an attempt to give them some small peace. just like when he died before and thought hey, at least my mom and keiko won't be burdened by me anymore. because the only thing he can really do for them is die.
#UGH. sick of this stupid show (<- pathologically obsessed with it (it's just on a downturn rn))#anyway hi welcome back to my terrible mind here's another excruciatingly long yyh meta post no one's gonna read that i should just make a#video essay because nobody wants to squint through all that text but MAYBE they'd listen to me read it out. anyway#i actually made and then abandoned another post comparing yusuke's sacrifice here to genkai's death by toguro if anyone's interested in tha#anyway yeah sorry if im rusty in uh talkking about these guys. they're still rattling around in here dw#that comment just fucking hijacked my brain. my first thought was to make an ep 89 yusuke pov fic but since that's Probably not#gonna ever Actually get done (sorry) i figured i'd put the analysis behind it here bc this fucking choice makes me want to rip my hair out#(in a good way in a painful way)#yeah this gets derailed. ugh i hope all that stuff about yusuke's motivation in this gambit makes sense bc i still don't feel 100% about my#reading of it. his ass IS very much an unreliable narrator. but in what way? ehhhhh it's hard to say for sure in this case. to me.#yyh#yu yu hakusho#yyh meta#yayyy#yusuke urameshi#literally wrote for so long the sun started rising (<- not impressive since you don't know when i began writing. but i can't tell you bc i#don't remember lol)#also: his relinquishing of this fight is very interesting to me. he loses his shit when raizen kills sensui and deprives him of that victor#and he tells the others to stand down once he returns. so clearly he still Cares about beating sensui himself#but when he thinks there's no other choice he's willing to settle for passing that torch to his friends#he's like well they've earned a good revenge killing. as a treat#the real answer is probably something like 'it would fuck with the pacing' but fuck that lol it's in the show i'm going to talk about it#and a lot of this still applies even if he Can't hear them bc he Has to expect the begging and crying bc 1. he's lived it via toguro 2. his#plan depends on it. even if he's only imagining his friends' heartbreak he's choosing to ignore it for the sake of his plan#ANYWAY the real answer for. pretty much everyone is to give up fighting and find something healthier to attach their worth to#which is why kuwa not being in the final arc is a good thing (as much as it hurts me not to see my boy)#yyh really said YOU HAVE TO BECOME WELL ADJUSTED. DYING WILL NOT GET YOU OUT OF IT#i only skimmed thru this once sorry if it's ass
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dad just sent me an ominous text to intimidate me ig
#im so tired im so tired im so tired im so tired#i really dont want to be going through this right now#can we get on with the end of the world or literally anything it would be real nice hehe#im so tired#so much scary horrible things are happening rn#and it's obviously my fucking PARENTS#i can't keep going i dont want to it's so hard#i don't even know anything anymore idk who's in the right idk who's lying about what#uhhhh whatever whatever i need to sleep#but idk if I'll be able to ugh#dads just trying to ruin mom financially even though he's got enough money already and she can't fucking work#and i get the fucking. first row seat#and now he hates me too ig idk#why would he fucking send me that text of he didn't want to let me know hes furious with me or to#scare me idk fuck this#and I'm watching another horrible divorce with a close family member a#AND another fucking insane thing has been happening that's a huge problem ahaaaa im losing#my fucking mind here#and there's literally nothing i can do here like i can sit and take it#or die ig
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Finally got ahold of the audiobook of Penance by Eliza Clark and I have mixed emotions about it. On one hand I love the premise and I feel like it's written well enough to where I feel like the author isn't going to clumsily stumble through her own story and fall on her face at the end like the majority of popular thrillers. But also this story suffers from having someone who hasn't been in school for a long time attempting to write teenagers. The funny thing is that whenever I see a horrible portrayal of teenagers, specifically of zoomers its never like, inaccurate portrayals of slang and trends that most teenagers cringe at, it's extremely unnatural dialogue that I don't understand how even a 30 or 40 year old can't see how awkward and cringe and flat out bad of a portrayal they're doing. You can claim that it's regional differences, even if we were all teenagers once I still don't know what it's like to be a popular mean British girl, but I'm fairly certain that actual popular mean British girls don't go around describing themselves as popular mean girls. The funny thing is that they've mentioned several times that these girls (ok it was actually like one girl but she introduced too many characters and I got confused so I can't even remember the name of the girl who said it) are trying to imitate the mean girls in popular American shows/movies. But I think that it's SO funny how instead of going for the obvious Regina George or maybe the more posh Blair Waldorf, they chose Sharpay Evans....I'm very familiar with the popular mean girl trope because I always love the girls who fall into this category and I can say with 100% certainty that none of these girls act like this either. I don't know what the author is going for but it's very painful to listen to.
#the pyre#Technically I'm not reading it I mean I just got myself a copy of the ebook bc I'm so lost which is why I don't know simple things like#the names of the girls I think I'm prob only around 100 or so pages into the book so I was planning on reading that before bed#so I can understand it better#but I'm so heartbroken bc something they're mentioned a few times that def gonna play a large role later#is that the girls all followed this makeshift religion which fit in perfectly with their culty friendgroup#but as of rn I feel the same disappointment I felt when I read bunny and the popular girls doing witchcraft#were so childish and annoying that even I couldn't like them#also I sorta forgot the premise of this book so i looked up the synopsis on GoodReads and the author sounded familiar so#I clicked through her profile and she wrote boy parts and since this book has been following me around I finally decided to get a copy#and read it after I finish penance only for the narrator of the story to briefly talk about some cases he'd researched and among them#he listed a female predator who preyed on little boys and idk the premise of boy parts but I'm p sure that was the author referencing it#and since I like to go into books as blindly as possible I don't appreciate the author spoiling me for a book I haven't even read yet#also I wonder if this is one of those things where an authors books all take place in the same universe even if they don't follow the same#characters that would be cool if true but I hope the narrator of this book doesn't appear in boy parts he's kind of a goober
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I KNOW there is a pipeline from teen wolf to doctor who (or the other way around) but I haven't figured it out. I just. I see you. I see stiles stilinski pop up far too often for there not to be one.
and I don't even like most of you bc it's the same fuckin sterek hating scott mccall lovers (me) vs scott mccall hating sterek lovers (you), but in a completely different fandom. it's absolutely tragic.
#going through it rn as I try and piece this together#I'm just so curious. it's such a little group but it's big enough that I notice it nonetheless#and never the scotty lovers either mind you#it's JUST the stiles kids. the sterek girlies#I'm trapped as a scott mccall defender-till-I-die with the scott mccall hating stereks. hell. hell on earth#I swear to the high heavens I've seen “bad friend scott mccall” pop up once in the dw tag on ao3 and I about lost my shit#WHAT IS IT DOING THERE!!!#Idk if I've just gotten completely and utterly unlucky but I don't want to be any of your guys friend even with our common interests#I kinda hope I've just gotten unlucky honestly but I don't think I have#like what's the appeal of dw to sterek lovers. I want to know#why is it MOSTLY attracting you lot?#anti sterek#putting that there so you can ignore me I'd feel bad if you saw this#but it irritates me LOL I wanted to rant and rave about this#teen wolf#doctor who
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I wonder how many tags i can add on to this
#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30?#idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo#this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed#the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do.#i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg#but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count?#I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or#something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who#thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding#very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting#absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is#basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post.#why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags*#it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows.#where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since#i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li#type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to#be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell#'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one.#this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer#anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can.#which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi#whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23#except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang#i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue#i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan#to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone.#thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really...#...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though#would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y
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The more I think about 7B the more I get upset actually because what the fuck was that
#if this was just abt buck's sl disappearing and eddie's sl going off the rails bc they pushed back gay eddie it'd be one thing#but literally everything was so messed up. the madney ep was a huge let down after 6 seasons of waiting bc rather than doing an +#+ actual wedding episode they straight up ignored maddie and did a chimney begins 2 (which I'd love but not for their fucking wedding???)#I don't even have enough words to express my anger at the henren sl bc atp I'm just so fucking tired of it. LET THEM HAVE THEIR FAMILY#but bathena's sl takes the fucking cake bc you know what? I love Amir he was great the actor was off the charts but why tf did they do +#this sl rn? we already had a different bathena sl established in 701-703 about who they are outside of their jobs but instead of +#acknowledging that and continuing that sl they just fucking decided to put bobby and amir through it and for what? for a cheap plot +#+ that everyone predicted and that could've been written in a million other ways? for acting moments that despite great carry no greater +#+ weight for the story? for a new bobby plot that just like the first one will get inevitably dropped next season for something else?#I just wanna know what was going on in their minds to think ANY of these plots would work bc literally every single one of them fell flat#911#911 abc#911 s7#911 7B
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coming back to "Leo wouldn't have PTSD after the movie" because it keeps bothering me
I keep seeing these takes from people that simply dislike angst or anything more serious happening in the fanworks saying that the characters wouldn't feel strong negative emotions if something serious happened nor they would dwell on them because the show is lighthearted?
Which, first of all, is ridiculous and even the show had them break down and show snippets of those darker moments to the extent they could in a show with this kind of atmosphere
Second of all, fanworks are exactly for depicting things that weren't shown or could not be shown in the canon material - because it's interesting and enriching to do so
And thirdly, it feels so, idk, invalidating when people constantly go "oh he wouldn't react like that" "oh in reality he would power through this" "oh we don't need to put them through this"
How about we don't
#txt#and people are also allowed to explore themselves through the characters so especially if it's written well#why say things like that#rottmnt#you know you don't need to read it right#even if it's not tagged and you stumble upon it in a story#you can just stop reading it you know that#and don't get me started on 'it's inappropriate for this age group'#i have many gripes about it but let's say the vast majority of the fics are read by little kids#just play along for this scenario right there#do you think they don't go through hardships and would find comfort in seeing characters go through hardships as well?#you think it's fictional stories they need to be protected from?#and you think kids shouldn't learn about mental issues and trauma from the early age? you know something they might be going through rn?#i also don't like people criticizing the movie by saying it was too dark#movies are always heavier than the source material#at least when it comes to cartoons#and also the atmosphere was perfectly matched to what was happening#i couldn't imagine them going for more lighthearted tone while there was a genocide happening in the background#i'm glad they had the guts to do what they did too
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delighted that i'm so much more fond of chuuya at this point than i was just a couple years ago. it took the stormbringer play, the cannibalism play, and the fifteen manga (still haven't gotten to those two novels in their entirety, I Will Soon I Promise), it took 6ish+ years, but i can confidently say I Get It Now. Now i just need asagiri to break him (affectionate) in the manga and actually give him a character arc already <333
#i went through my own character arc okay i have Learned#still don't really get it from the pre-light novels era but i definitely get it now#he's actually written so well in those lns it's astounding. now fr if only that could be transferred to the actual manga *sigh*#if you can't tell i'm still so pissed and betrayed by the meursault arc. on all fronts lol but chuuya was one of the worst victims ughhhh#i may be hyped about this fyodor shit rn but do not mistake that as me forgetting how angry i still am over all that anticlimactic bullshit#happy birthday chuuya you really deserve so much better </3#been thinking so much lately about what asagiri is planning for him. or if he's planning anything at all. the signs are so contradictory!!!#i know the fandom made him a huge thing from the early anime days when he probably wasn't meant to be more than an extreme side character#why? again i still don't understand (shipping. it's shipping okay; that's why i was always unfairly biased against him lmao)#but even if that's the case then he wrote the light novels that are SO GOOD so like!!!!#now there's buildup!!!! now there's expectations for him!!!!!!#you can't just never have verlaine and adam not come back in the story again at some point#in the same way that ango did from a light novel#and how oda HAS to be addressed by the end of the story#and all the lore bs in 55 minutes#just WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING WITH CHUUYA ASAGIRI. I NEED TO KNOWWWWWW#THE SIGNS ARE VERY WORRYING BUT IN A COMPELLING WAY AND I NEED THEM TO PAY OFF SO BADLY#me going literally insane lately over a character i still claim to not be one of my favorites. lmao
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Repost of a Wang Yibo in watercolor I did in 2020 taking ispiration from my favourite photoshoot of his
#my art?#why a repost and not a reblog you might ask?#because I feel like I was too annoying in the original caption but I don't want to edit the post#anyway reposting because I took it out to hang it on my wall again and was like -wth?? how did I do this??-#like yeah it's not perfect etc#but I'm 99% sure I would NOT be able to do sth like this rn#I continue to believe I do my most elaborate pieces while possessed i would not know how to explain this#or my mahmood poster#or my wwx in the red dress#or lwj with the pearl dress (which you don't know but trust me)#every time I start working on sth I feel like the meme of patrick star with a hammer in hand and a wood plank nailed to his head#do i actually learn sth when I do art?? or do I just somehow manage to do things#and then if I find the magical motivation or a willing spirit I manage to do it again?#otherwise I just cry and struggle and quit?#don't know guys this is too much of a mistery#anyway bazaar photoshoot <333#wang yibo#my beloved#actually#for this or like mahmood I can almost understand#i guess that since it was strictly a copy of a reference it was a tad easier knowing where to place the colors for example#tho still I don't know how the rendering had such a result#update: okay I'm going through a sketchbook of that time period and I was practicing a lot with watercolors so maybe that helped#also I was truly using wyb as my muse and guinea pig#i have a piece of him in acrylics and one done with chalks this with watercolor some attempts with crayons#okay ow getting kinda sad cause I'm realizing I used to do art so so often even if it was all copying references#and I think I was also still reading at the time? uhmmmmmmmmm#jhjhkh lots of pencil and pen drawings as well somebody had just watched cql#i do have some xiao zhans but I have always had more difficulty drawing him dkw#arting
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