#i don't know when it'll be out
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Sometimes at work it's not my place to tell people the things I want to say, and I find I often go home at the end of the rougher days to stand blankly in my shower and tell myself over and over what I wish I could pass on.
This accomplishes very little, and mostly just gives me a tension headache, but through it all I think I've narrowed myself down to a few solid things I'd like to tell people the most.
You can't change people. Not permanently, not for anythig. You can support them, encourage them, love them, give them tools and opportunities and resources, but you can't make them change. They can change themselves if they want to, but they have to want to, and they have to want it for themselves, because they're the only one that's certain to be with them forever.
For better or worse, you make your own choices, and blaming bad choices on others doesn't only work to absolve you of responsibility- it also robs you of control. Because if you say you only did something because I did something, then you arent only shifting blame- you're admitting that you cannot control yourself, that you cannot truly make choices for yourself, that other people can control you- and as long as you truly beleive that, you'll keep facing the same problems over and over. You'll keep letting others dictate your choices, because you'll beleive that they can, and you'll never be free.
White knights on horseback are from fairytales. Nobody can help you if ou're not willing to help yourself. To try, to put the dirty work in, to belive you're worth that effort- Act as though nobody is coming to save you. From a struggle, from pain, from bad relationships, from yourself. And when you do save yourself, because you will, because failure here isn't an option if you want to survive, you'll never find another dragon that can keep you prisoner.
Don't say anything to anyone that you wouldn't want them remembering forever.
Doing the right thing in bad circumstances is hard. It's the hardest thing. But if you make the choice to do that hard thing anyways, despite your fear, you'll go on the rest of your like knowing that you're the sort of person who did something.
The present only seems the hardest because the past I over and the future hasn't happened.
There's so much joy ahead of you, the kind you can't possibly understand until you see it yourself.
The responsibility of consequences is often disguised as the power of permission. "I won't do this if you help me", "I'll work on my anger if you do this for me", "I promised you I'd quit, but can I have just one?". The unspoken question is, "Can it be your fault if this goes badly?"
You cant make someone love you the way you need to be loved. Someone can love you very much and still be bad for you, even if you love them very much in return. Two people can love each other very, very much, and try their very best, and still be wrong for each other.
Sometimes being near to someone changes you, even in good ways, and the people you become don't fit together as well as the people you were.
Caring takes work. Even if it's real. Especially if it's real. And the most important gestures aren't the grand, poetic, songs-and-flowers-and-tears moments; they're getting out of bed even though you don't want to. Paying attention to things you don't enjoy. Scrubbing pans, or opening a window, saying "thank-you", or helping carry groceries into the house. The small things fill the big things- without the small, boring, mediocre things, big things feel hollow.
Thrre is honour and dignity in humble work.
If you are a cruel and spiteful person, then you will find every place you visit to be full of the same cruel, spiteful people. This is not because the world is as cruel as you, but because everywhere you are, you will be disliked. This is the curse that comes with being persistently cruel and spiteful.
If you are a kind and ppsitive person, you will repeatedly encounter kind and positive people, because as they grow familiar with you, they will be happier to have you near. This is the reward of being a kind and positive person.
When splitting paths with loved ones, briefly or forever, aim for your last words to always be "I love you".
#I'm still so young and ignorant#but I wish someone had told ME these things before I had to learn them#And now when shit goes south and everything is over and calm again the same things just roll though my head#Over and over and over#It's like everyone I meet has the same 3 problems and its ruining their lives#I just want to take everyone I meet by the shoulders and shake them#I KNOW why this is happening to you#Do you realize you can be better?#Do you realize you can do it?#Aren't you terrified of wasting your life like this?#*I* want to be happier#*I* used to be so much worse than I am#And I don't have it all figured out#But if we all decide to help ourselves then it'll be that much easier to help each other#Right?#It's so hard to lift dead weight#You need to kick against the waves with me#You need to WANT to float#Do you understand#Ugh it's 6am#This has been your overdramatic midnight ramble#Imma grill me a cheese and go back to bed#Blaurfhgh
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
danyal al ghul memes because i don't think i've done those yet for this au.
(the jason one is in reference to the fanon headcanon/au that Jason and Damian potentially knew each other and interacted while jason was in the league. I've thought about it before in context of this au, but haven't thought about it enough to feel inspired or motivated to make a post exploring the idea)
(diablito means, as you can guess, 'little devil'. while i'm neutral to latino jason, i think the nickname is cute as fuck and was danny's main nickname from Jason. i don't wanna touch that timeline so im not gonna decide how old they were when Jason was there.)
Skulker: i am the ghost zone's greatest hunter! i capture and hunt creatures both rare and dangerous. Danyal: a poacher?? you're a poacher?? you poach animals??Skulker:...i sense i've made a mistake of some kind.
anyways that was the day that Skulker cemented himself as Danny's no.1 opp, and still remains there to this day even if he and Vlad are both viciously fighting for second. Out of everyone in the the AP rogues gallery, Skulker will be the first to be thrown under the bus in terms of 'o shit here comes phantom fucking RUN'.
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#danyal al ghul au#dpxdc memes#danyal al ghul#dpdc#truly the epitome of “i dont faster than the bear i just need to be faster than YOU”#regardless of when Jason was with the league he *does* know that Danny loved Damian. don't ask me about the timeline because it'll be#*messsyyyy* and i've seen plenty of aus where jason was there while Damian as an infant so i can totally believe this could happen i just#need to do the mental gymnastics for it. not even. baby im faceplanting right into the mat and not getting up#the last meme is a tiktok sound that i found and thought was hilarious. and would also ABSOLUTELY be a story danyal would tell the#family after reuniting and developing a bond with them. damian has no recollection of this but is embarrassed nonetheless#danny spat that story out when he over heard damian claiming he doesn't have any embarrassing stories from the league. danny beat jason#to the punch and in the most deadpan voice said 'i remember you walking into my room. as a toddler. in nothing but a diaper. and picking#a marble up off the floor and holding it out. like the skull of yorick. before putting it as far down your throat as possible. i had to#stick my entire arm down your esophagus to pull it out. and save your life' before walking away#i got the ages wrong in the last image so just assume that danny recently turned seven and damian is like#18 months old#about a year and a half.
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Beloved boys with wildly contrasting aesthetics. Aka goth vs prep.
(These illustrations were done for these memes!)
#when i first started posting these two frequently i thought 'man these characters are so similar'#'everyone's gonna know what weird highly specific taste i have and shove me in a locker'#but... laying it out like this i guess i can see how maybe one wouldn't notice the similarities haha#at least they're different on a surface level even if my odd fixation on immature rich brats with anger issues is omnipresent#i don't normally repost my work but i thought these little illustrations came out neat enough to highlight on their own#also i'm in the artfight mines still so it'll be a while until I can post more of my original work/characters...#my draws#theo#ambroys#amaranthine
262 notes
·
View notes
Text
*sigh*
Sorry folks- no update this week. Things at the day-job have gotten.... busy. Like, 60+ hour work weeks busy. -_- I'm kind of dying.
The next page is *almost* done, but I have had so little energy between 11 hour shifts that it's just not happening this week. I need to do some hard thinking about the update schedule on this, especially if my job keeps doing.... this.
#we literally went from 20 hours a week to over 60#and i don't know when it'll finally balance back out#honestly i need to try and find a new job#...again#things are going to be bumpy here for a bit#I'm sorry#the comic will update when i can#but i don't think i can commit to a proper schedule at the moment#thank you for understanding
105 notes
·
View notes
Note
shep I was talking to my brother about dbhc xisuma as one does and mentioned that ask about not being able to puzzle xisuma's face together mentally and my brother joked that the reason you put the spoiler bars and such on his face is cause you cant draw his whole face yet 😂
anyway I might have talked his ear off about dbhc idk tho lmao
LMAOO NOOOO!!! MY SECRET FINALLY IS OUT!!! /silly
#HEHE thats rly fun though i hope your brother is enjoying the osmosis XD#truthfully... drawing xisuma's face is still really difficult for me... bc he's always like. the character whose personality and character#like. comes from the fact that we never see his face? and so there's something about him that feels more... right when his face is just.#a mystery#but i DO have a facecanon for him. esp for dbhc bc its important. even if when i think Xisuma i don't think of his face the way i might whe#I think of other characters. that isn't the reason why I spoiler it though XD when we get the face reveal it'll be obvious enough. i hope#LMAO.#anyway#idk like#some of the first sketches i did of Xisuma's face will still be my favorites tbh#it's hard to capture the same energy of a rough sketch when you try to sharpen those soft edges into a clean picture yknow?#i HAVE gotten better at it though.... square-ish face but soft on the edges... kind blue eyes... hair always tied back tightly and neatly#idk. i think about him a LOT#especially lately but we knew this hehehe#i think he deserves to take the helmet off every once and a while and just. breathe and get out of his own head yknow#i think he gets better at it in s9 even if he only takes it off around people he really trusts (keralis and cleo)#not that doc hasnt seen him or that he distrusts doc but... well. that whole relationship is a work in progress since season 8 was. well#anyway im really and truly rambling <3#xisumas face is both an enigma to me and a soft sturdy shape in my brain... its hard to replicate consistently but those doodles are#just for me anyway =w= <3#(and a few select others. who Know. you know who you are)
97 notes
·
View notes
Text
agh!!!!
#i always get so picky about detail right before I launch a project to the public#knowing DAMMMMMN well I will be really carefree about details later on#thats how it always goes for me#gotta make sure the initial impression is exactly how i want it#then i just let that carry me forever lol#and it usually works out just fine. but i still drive myself crazy before the first hours#feeling weird about it not being in a lineless style but i think it's for the best#because it takes so much longer when it's lineless#trying to learn to be less highstrung about perfecting my art and just letting it look how it ends up#you'll all get it. it'll be fine#morning rant sorry. probably obvious but im working on something to launch here soon. maybe today even#if i don't have anything else to do today + i can satisfy my picky mind in time
34 notes
·
View notes
Text
I think if Blade ever does send a text directly it should be a single sentence of the most basic kind, and then it never happens again.
#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr blade#hsr stelle#stelle seems pretty casual blowing up the stellaron hunters' phones by now#though she seems to text silver wolf the most casually#can't get an answer to that funny meme she found? time to try all the other phones#i do think blade never texting is a pretty fun thing so i don't want to create too many texts from him#but since boothill showed that speech to text exists as a function#i want to hope this could happen#exactly once#just to show that he knows how to do it#and then never again#because he's an old man and why would he bother when everyone else already answers all the texts he gets for him anyway#silver wolf a few hours later still from blade's phone: nobody will ever believe you#stelle who already took five screenshots and saved them in three separate cloud storages: bet#ray's records#this is the other one i made#i don't think i'll make blade ones after this or it'll be rare ones and with the other stellaron hunters only#but i really think he doesn't really text#speech to text if he really needs to get a message out#but otherwise he just reads what other people send him#or he calls#texting with those hands is too hard#speech to text is a hassle he doesn't usually bother with#grandpa and the plain black case of his work phone
85 notes
·
View notes
Text
Diabolik Lovers Dark Fate Vol. 3 Chapter of the Last Quarter — Short Story Translation
A short, sweet, and comedic tale about the Mukami brothers being supportive siblings… and nearly committing accidental fratricide in the process. Meanwhile, Yui watches with increasing concern as the disaster unfolds.
Please refrain from using or reposting the translation anywhere without my permission.
[Note: The story is written in Yui's POV.]
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅✮⋆⋅
"Uh...something's wrong..."
Kou-kun groaned as he stared down at the pot.
"Should I help after all?"
"Eve, you mustn't get involved...okay? Just quietly watch over us."
Even though he said that, an increasingly terrible smell was spreading throughout the kitchen. Despite being told not to interfere, I was starting to get a bit worried.
"Maybe it needs some sugar-chan!?"
"Ah!!"
Before I could stop him, Yuma-kun dumped several sugar cubes into the pot, filling the room with a foul stench. I felt a sense of despair.
The whole mess had started when Ruki-kun injured his hand.
"Ruki-kun always cooks for us, so let's all pitch in today!"
And so, Kou-kun's plan of making dinner ended up as disastrously as I had feared.
"...This is...?"
"Well... It's supposed to be curry..."
Kou-kun glanced at me as if pleading for help. When I looked at Yuma-kun and Azusa-kun, they averted their eyes. In short, something horrible had been created. Its color was... to put it nicely, pitch black. After tasting it, Yuma-kun commented nonsensically that it was "bittersweetsalty". Dubbed "Mukami Brothers' Style Curry" it had transformed into a mysterious substance resembling anything but curry. Just by looking at it, anyone would instantly recognize it as inedible.
Yet, Ruki-kun was peering at the plates lined up on the table with a happy look on his face.
"Maybe it's better if we don't eat this..."
In spite of Kou-kun's uneasiness, Ruki-kun scooped up the substance with a spoon and brought it to his mouth.
". . ."
"It's disgusting."
We all shared the same fear. That even though he's immortal, Ruki-kun might die from this.
Despite his words, Ruki-kun's expression suddenly relaxed. We stared at him in amazement.
"R-Ruki-kun...!!"
"Ruki..."
"Ruki...! Damn it! Yer such a...!"
The three brothers, seemingly drained, collapsed to their knees on the spot. Ruki-kun simply watched them in silence as he continued to eat.
And then, afterwards—Ruki-kun was bedridden for three days and nights. Even though Vampires aren't supposed to get sick...
Seeing this, his brothers made a firm vow to themselves. They would never try to cook again.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅✮⋆⋅
#my poor boy#they could probably weaponize that thing tho#shit must be powerful af to cause that kind of result#diabolik lovers#short story#dark fate#my translation#yui komori#ruki mukami#kou mukami#yuma mukami#azusa mukami#dialovers#diahell#mukami supremacy#no but really they be out there trying to win best brother award#probably lost tho because if the whole “accidental poisoning” deal but hey it's the thought and intent that counts!#anyway i hope you enjoyed this story ^_^#i randomly remembered that i had it lying around and figured i'd swallow my fears and give translation a go ahahaha#personally i like the story a lot#it reminds me of when ruki voluntarily ate up the burnt omurice that yui had tried to make for him#(though thankfully that didn't result in the poor man being laid up for days lmao)#that scenario is one of my all time favorites because the gesture is just so damn romantic and sweet that it makes my maiden heart flutter#i don't know if i'll make more translations (anxiety and shite confidence gets in the way of much of what i do i'm afraid) BUT#i'll for sure post the scans of any other short stories i buy#i already have a ruki one ordered but it'll unfortunately take a while before i can get my greedy hands on it
105 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi, how is college fairing?
it's been a little frustrating but otherwise mostly alright, thanks for asking! hope you're having a nice dayyy
#not me tearing my hair apart from my lecturer asking me to change my stuff and then going like 'why did you do this'#my good sir it was your feedback what do you want lmao#it's been weeks arghegrjrggrkgrggargkrgk#on the other hand ive been busy so theres that too#but like a good kind of busy?#there'll be some halloween event by my school this sat-sun and me and a few friends are running a booth to sell some art stuff and stickers#it'll be from 10am-10pm at straits quay in penang#if anyone's around feel free to drop by and say hi!#we don't know the exact location of our table yet but you'll know when you see a table with an amount of rwby things lmao#i wish i could do some more other stuff but yknow. time and the cost of printing#all our stuff would probably arrive tomorrow or friday; hope that it'll look okay hhh#we also have like. 700 pieces of hard candy courtesy of a friend's mom lol#i've always wanted to try out doing something like this so it's nice and exciting#sorry it's been a hot minute since i last blabbed this much in the tags 😂
40 notes
·
View notes
Text
𝒔𝒐𝒘 𝒂 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒚
sequel to eyes of the ranger
pairing: boothill x gn!ex-undertaker!reader
genres: western!au, angst, domestic fluff, bits of hurt/comfort
word count: 8.6k
warnings: spoilers for boothill's backstory, death, heavy angst, explorations of grief, gun violence, blood, implied suicidal thoughts, unhealthy coping mechanisms
notes: I've only seen the bare minimum of his story leaks, and they've been spinning around my head ever since. Some details of the timeline might be tweaked, or imagined/added, but that's just for the au. Still, please enjoy this sequel, and what more I've added to this world! Here's some flowers again :) 💐
Read it on ao3!
~~~
Candles cast their glow brightly across wood panels as you hummed a lilting melody. Hands played with your hair, tugging on the strands to draw your attention away from the swirling pot of stew.
“Papa?"
"He'll be back soon, sweetie."
Your daughter shifted on your arm as you placed the spoon back in its resting spot. Her head fell against your shoulder, no doubt growing bored as crackles of fire echoed across the cabin.
You resumed the tune, bouncing slightly from side to side. She perked up once more as you took her hand over your first two fingers, thumb covering its small size. Her eyes began to crinkle as her first few teeth were revealed by a smile. She always loved dancing and music, likely because of her "silly papa".
When he left for town in the afternoon, he tripped over the porch's last step – on purpose, you suspected. She quickly laughed from where she sat with you in the rocking chair, calling him the nickname as he straightened up again. In just a couple strides he was back in front of you, fingertip meeting her nose before she swatted at him. He chuckled, leaving another kiss on both of your foreheads and embarking again.
As you gently spun, her gaze drifted to the window. She lit up, brighter than any heavenly body, and pointed to the door.
"Papa! Papa!"
The sound of approaching hooves met your ears softly, leading you to peer through the glass panes. Unfortunately, your vision was greeted by the furthest people from Boothill.
The National Hunter's Agency had grown to infamy everywhere you went. They had been given many pardons, and bought off plenty of sheriffs and their higher-ups to be able to operate as they pleased in numerous states. It seems now, after two years, they had caught wind of your bounty and wanted to cash in.
You carefully set her down on the floor, hands staying at her sides in case she lost balance. With some support, you walked her to your shared bedroom, guiding her to hide in your shaker wardrobe.
An anxious hand rotated the knob on the front door, leaving you face to face with a row of five men. Two in suits at the center, and three dressed more rugged at their side.
"Good evening." one greeted, smoke flowing from his mouth. "I assume you know why we're here."
The reverberations of your boots ceased before the steps as you stared at the lineup. "Naturally."
He hummed, throwing the remains of his cigarette to the dirt.
The agent at his right spoke up, "Why don't you walk down here, then."
“Isn’t it your job to capture me?”
“Continue resisting and you don’t have to be the only one we take.”
Your resolution faltered, and the hunters closed in. “I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”
“Are you sure?”
Glass shattered behind you, followed by heavy thumping. Tendrils of dread inched in, their freeze creeping over your bones.
“Step down.”
Despite every instinct screaming for you to move, to follow their commands, denial and fear kept you in place.
“You’ve got about one minute before we force you to.”
A glaze fell over your surroundings, the situation tumbling to the wayside as your thoughts and blood rushed in unison. It was five against one, and each of them were armed – you were not. They had more information than they were letting on. Someone was searching the cabin for your daughter, likely their sixth. She would be weaponized if she was caught, stuck in the crossfire of your bounty.
Was there a way out of this? To prevent what seemed increasingly inevitable?
Well, yes. You could give yourself up.
But there was no guarantee of her safety afterward, or that you would remain alive.
Still, you and Boothill had made a promise when you first took her in, just one year ago. If danger ever presented itself, you would lay down your lives to protect her.
One of the hunters drew his pistol as your boot hit the first step.
Another dismounted, his dirtied white shirt twisting, then straightening once more as he approached you. A rough grip captured your arms, dragging them behind your back. Something hard hit the ground at your right, a rope thrown by one of his partners. It was wrapped and tied around your wrists, the friction beginning to cast a light burning sensation over the skin.
A foot met the back of your knees as he tightened the restraints, dust rising at the impact. One of the agents joined you, the scent of smoke lingering on his fingers as he brought your head up to meet his eyes. They returned to his side a moment later as his gaze turned to the cabin.
A hunter had your little girl in his grasp, her steps short, frightened, and struggling as she was led down the stairs. She looked at you, searching for answers or what to do.
The saddled agent’s voice sounded from behind, “The NHA seeks to rid these ranges of their impurities. When you wish to uproot an evil such as yourself, no trace must remain.”
He gestured toward the four hunters, and his fellow agent disappeared from your view.
Then the brutality they were known for reared its unforgettable head.
The low flat heel of a dress shoe met your back, staying there as you writhed on the ground, watching up at your daughter.
A metallic barrel crept to the rear of her head.
The tendrils of dread became horrible claws, sinking into every organ and twisting.
Warm ruby droplets cascaded over pale brown and flesh, as the shot’s echo dulled your senses and her body crumbled to the ground.
The claws dug open a void as a defeated cry exit your lips. You were released from under the agent’s foot, flipped over to stare at the cloud-stricken dusk. Voices yelled around you, the words fading into one persistent cacophony. A hand pressed itself down onto your shoulder, before a pain blossomed in the other. A rugged face peered down at you, contempt rising in their features. A new flower of sharp ache grew in your left thigh, tears finally stinging at your eyes.
A fresh splattering of blood flowed over your face, shocking you out of despair. Their body went limp over yours, and you quickly brushed them to the side. Now free from the hunter’s reach, you sunk your hands into the dirt beside you, slowly turning yourself back to your stomach. The hilt of a knife hit the ground as you did so, veins coming alight with panic from its twist in your wound.
Despite every injury, you only had one focus – to see your daughter one last time.
Sharp gravel digged uncomfortably underneath your legs as your restrained hands inched forward. Blood thrummed in your ears, yet the unmistakable sound of gunshots broke through. Within a matter of seconds someone rushed to your crawling form. They called for you, voice breaking at the scene as a hand brushed through your hair.
“Darlin’?”
Your head rose at every emotion kept within that one word, asked by a husky voice you could find in any darkness. Anguish cast itself over his face when he finally saw what you were headed toward. He sank to his knees next to you, a wrecked sob reaching into the evening only to be greeted by no comfort.
Reluctantly, you gazed at your daughter’s corpse, journeying silently past Boothill to finally touch her.
A sticky scarlet liquid mocked you, revealing your sorrow-stricken features coated in its kind within the pool. Your fingers rose to her, a warmth lingering below as she was turned. You summoned any last inkling of strength you had, smiling down to her and speaking softly.
“You were my pride and joy, sweetheart. I’ve had no greater honor than being your parent.”
You leaned down, a soft kiss landing on her forehead before you cried a chant of apologies. When any words you could conjure finally entered oblivion, your eyes looked back to Boothill. He hadn’t moved an inch, rendered paralyzed by the gravity of what he arrived home to. It seemed as though he had been ripped apart, every wire inside of him fraying.
This was your fault, and you were sure he knew that too.
Regret became a well in your heart, rising from the depths and overflowing onto its dying grass. Your head ached, thoughts swirling until each one sinked in grief’s whirlpool. In resignation, you lie beside her, holding her chilled hands between your fingers. If you closed your eyes, you could still see her smile as you danced making dinner.
It would feel best if you never opened them again, but you couldn’t leave Boothill to carry this weight alone. He didn’t deserve such a fate.
A hand swiped over your stained cheek, drawing you back to miserable reality. Tears descended from silver, embers kindling beneath their despair. You lifted your hands from hers, closing her lifeless eyes. Boothill’s hat rested at his chest, head downturned from where he knelt.
Together, you mourned.
—
PART I - Fatherhood And Other Dreams
"Papa! The moo-moos!"
"I see them!" Boothill chuckled, watching a finger point at their pasture.
Rena wriggled against his side, wanting to move closer to them. He complied, jogging to the wooden fence as she smiled.
Her small hands reached past the log fence, petting along one of the cow's heads as it grazed. She had such an affinity for the animals here, something you always joked she got from him.
Every morning like clockwork, she would point them out, longing to go and sit with them for a while. He would join her, occasionally teaching her things about their diets or hair as she would get close and stare into their big brown eyes.
Today she angled back against his leg and smiled at her altered reflection in them, before you tousled her growing hair. He hadn’t heard you approach, too absorbed in the scene to hear your boots kick up dust. His hand rose to rub against the back of your neck as you leaned into him, sipping on your mug of black coffee.
He had noticed your odd positioning on the pillow, no doubt leaving you with some pains when you woke. Quiet snores filled the room; something he would laugh with Rena about, her high-pitched giggles overtaking the silence of the night as her hands pat against your cheeks. Your light snoring would cease, and your face would scrunch up at the unexpected disturbance before you recognized the poking of your daughter. He watched as you tickled the side of her neck, placing a hand on her back when she fell on your chest and wiggled around in joy.
He’s never felt more love than in those little moments, witnessing his entire world as two shining stars amidst the murky midnight.
“In!”
“Brush first?”
“Yeah!”
He was brought back to you after a quick shake of his head, two gazes of the same color waiting for him. One enthusiastic, the other fond and patient as he bent down to pick up Rena. She played with his low braided hair, pulling a few small strands free. You ventured to the stables, likely fetching a brush that she had dropped on one of the chairs yesterday.
The grass was fresh with dew, shining under the morning rays. He opened the gate with ease, feeling a breeze run over his cheeks as he shut it behind him. The pasture was wide, yet filled with only ten cows. Each one would be brushed daily by Rena, starting with one patterned in brown and white. It was an activity she had adored since the first time you had brought her out to help just a couple months ago. Seeing how much she enjoyed it, he joined the two of you only a week later.
You came to his side, handing the brush over to her as you sipped on your coffee. He gestured at you with his chin as bristles met little hairs. With a smile, you turned the mug in his direction, a warm and bitter liquid flowing over his tongue.
A gentle laugh left your lips when the cow’s head moved, rising up into the brush and slightly twisting into it. Rena turned to you, beaming as she moved the brush to another spot. The cow reacted in turn, and you laughed again.
~
The wood ceiling of the barn came into view as Boothill’s head was tugged backward. A light chuckle echoed through the space, falling in time with the noon bird's chirp. His hat tumbled to the hay and dust riddled floor, yet it didn’t remain for long. Little hands left the ends of his hair, snatching the hat instead. He watched, bale in hand, as you scooped up Rena. In a swift motion, you placed his hat on her head, one arm wrapped around your neck and the other reaching for the large brim.
The bale crashed onto the floor, beginning a new stack by one of the stables. The sound brought Rena's attention to him, her head tilting backward to spot him from underneath the hat.
“Like papa!”
“You wanna be like him?"
"Yeah!"
"Then we're gonna have a lot to teach you."
He grinned, the brightness of the sun’s rays and his daughter’s admiration seeping into his smile. With her now distracted by one of the horses, he wrapped an arm around your waist, leaving a kiss on your lips before continuing his work.
~
The orange and golden rays of sunset beckoned your gaze to the large window overlooking the front porch. Rena slept peacefully on your chest, a combination of a full stomach and boredom likely the cause. You brought the book in your right hand to the other supporting her, flipping the page carefully.
The slow thumping of boots echoed through the door, prompting Rena to stir. She had always been a light sleeper, though she didn't always fully awaken. It seemed that this evening she would, leaning backward into your hand as the door opened. Boothill's figure emerged, lit by the bright horizon. She shuffled as her eyes opened to meet his, slowly laying further backward against your hand. Letting the leather-bound book fall from your lap, you wrapped both hands around her. She whined, leading one of your brows to raise.
Boothill inched closer, stopping at the edge of the rug in your little living area. You set Rena down, your hands staying at her sides. She watched the floor intently, gaze shifting between it and her papa. Quickly you picked up on her intentions, standing behind her and holding her hands just above her head.
Her foot moved forward slightly, and excitement blossomed on both your and Boothill's faces. He knelt down, holding his arms out for her. Feeling encouraged, she moved faster, taking her first few steps with your support. When she finally reached her papa, he lifted her up, cheering at her along with you. She beamed, her feet kicking back and forth in the air as she giggled.
~
The stars twinkled in the growing twilight, contrasting with the auburn and violet hues on the horizon. Cool grass stood between your fingers, the tranquility of the coming night bleeding into your spirit. The hill provided a lovely view of the valley below as crickets began to chirp. A thin herd of deer moved like whispers just a few feet before you.
One startled in your direction, the sound of Rena picking at strings increasing its paranoia. She was transfixed by the instrument, plucking as she sat in Boothill’s lap. His affectionate gaze watched down at her, adjusting the blanket over her legs.
There were many nights over the past few days you would wake to find Boothill absent from your bed. Rena would stir at your side, face scrunching further into the pillow as she murmured. After returning her stuffed bear from the other side of the bed, you would walk to find him at the kitchen table. The fire lit various scenes; some filled with brushes and varnish, others with whittling tools and etched knobs. Sometimes he would be passed out against the table, shavings coating his cheek. He wanted to complete the gift as soon as possible, his wish of sharing and passing on melodies and lyrics from his life fueling his craft.
Feeling fingers brush through his hair, Boothill would awaken to your soft gaze. Wordlessly you wiped his cheek, taking his hand in yours and bringing him to bed.
Gentle singing met your ears, skilled strumming of a guitar accompanying it. One large hand shifted up and down the strings, holding, shaking, and lifting to change the tune. The other encased one of Rena’s guiding her through the song.
The sun completed its descent underneath the horizon, and the herd of deer found their way back into the forest. Hints of light hung in the sky, now joined by colors of dandelions and the deep sea. The high-pitched babbling of your daughter chimed in during certain sections, forming a heart-warming duet. With your head on Boothill’s shoulder, you hummed along.
—
The town of Iris Creek was blissful, wilted blossoms gathering on the path's edges from the growing heat. The watery flow of its namesake echoed through the grand trees, calming your mind as you approached with Boothill at your side. After your most recent hunt, a week of rest was well-deserved.
Leaning down, you let the velvety liquid rush between your fingers. Its chill permeated your flesh, a content smile on your face as Boothill toyed with your hair.
“I enjoy seeing you this way.” he whispered, staring at you lovingly.
You turned, removing your hand from the water and laying back on the grass.
“At ease?” you questioned.
He nodded, resting down beside you, hat on his chest. You brushed aside his lengthening bangs, turning the strands together before running a thumb over his cheek.
He leaned into your touch as you asked, “Do you watch me sleep then?”
Embarrassed, his face angled toward the ground.
“Gettin’ shy on me, cowboy?”
He gave no response, simply meeting your eyes with a tender silver. Your lips met his cheek, feeling the bashful warmth gracing his features.
“I like it.” you spoke softly in his ear, leaving a little bite along the lobe.
One hand came up to your waist, holding tightly as your focus shifted to his neck. The other fell into your hair, gripping after a bold lick to the revealed skin.
“Can’t help but be at your mercy, sugar.”
“Such a charmer.”
“Around someone like you, it’s only natural.”
A nibble at the edge of his jaw led his fingers to rub underneath your shirt.
“What do you mean by that?”
“Well, look at you. One conversation and I was hooked.”
“All it took was one challenge for you to love me?” you chuckled.
“Sugar, all it took was one glance.”
A cry reverberated down the creek as you finally kissed Boothill’s lips. It was panicked and small, drawing you almost entirely from the moment.
Pushing off of his chest, you sat up to survey your surroundings. Boothill rubbed your thigh, looking at you curiously. Just a minute later the two of you stood, spotting a tarnished cloth amongst the bank’s brush.
“Do you see that?”
He followed your gaze, walking ahead of you only to kneel down and lift the sullied fabric. His eyes widened as he beckoned you over. The crying intensified, a tiny head turning from side to side.
A baby.
Boothill was the first to move, cradling them gently in his arms. You brought a finger to their grabbing hands, brushing another one over their forehead.
“What should we do?” you wondered aloud.
“Take them in?” he uttered.
“Are we ready for that, though? We’re wanted criminals, Boothill. That’s no life for a child.”
“Then we settle down.”
“There’s still no guarantee we won’t be hunted or ambushed.”
Your hands fell back to your side, unsure eyes watching the gears turn in his mind.
“We would be their parents, together we can take anybody. Lay down our lives if necessary. We could find somewhere more isolated, maybe even further out of this state. Teach them some of our methods as they get older.”
A heavy sigh left your lungs, the weight of dozens of questions slowly dissipating. There were many details to discuss and new plans to craft. Nonetheless, your head landed on Boothill’s shoulder, two adoring gazes on your child.
~
Butter-colored rays bore through the train car’s windows, wide mountains of tan rock and green bushes waiting outside. A bundle of blankets lay in your arms, encasing your daughter in comfort and warmth.
Boothill had left for them not long after you brought her back to the hotel, returning worriedly with them in hand. They were soft and luscious, leading you to wonder who he had stolen them from. “Only the best for our little girl” – it wasn’t just a statement but a promise.
Another was sworn that evening, your daughter finally clean and sleeping in your arms. Boothill rest behind you in the bed, shielding your small family from any danger while wrapping you in care.
“What should we name her?” he asked quietly, warm breath fanning over your neck.
You pondered silently, letting your head lay on his shoulder. “How about Rena?”
He hummed, a thick finger running over her forehead. “From that play of Effie's, right?”
“I think her story was admirable. Live freely, out on your own road, never waste your time with what you can’t change.”
“Now I like the ring of that.”
“See?” you smiled, a teasing slant to it. “When I wrote to her a few days ago she added in a thought or two about the characters. She said Rena also meant melody, at least according to what she could find in Thatcher's library.”
“Then it's settled.”
His chin landed in the crook of your neck as he simply watched her be, absorbed in thoughts of the future. It wasn’t until she stirred, eyes opening and hands seeking, that you witnessed him take on a gentleness formerly reserved for only you.
His eyes began to water as she held his finger close, staring up in his direction yet unable to pin him down. When she finally did, he sat like a spooked deer, only releasing a low, happy chuckle after your own.
A cough down the car broke you from idle reminiscence. Boothill read a crinkled paper, the letter sent from the ranch you were seeking out. He had come back one evening with the result after days of asking around. Down near Iron Springs, there was someone with plenty of land – could provide decent wages and a cabin to stay in. A suitable place to settle down, with much for Rena to learn and experience.
Taking his cheek between your empty fingers, you pinched and watched him grumble. Despite your lifestyle, you could only hope that this would be a lovely and safe life for her.
—
PART II - A Luminous Star, Ephemeral
Murky skies cried chilling droplets, harshly soaking your bloodstained shirt. The evening had to be setting in, but any hope of seeing the sun finally fade had long since dissipated with the storm’s onslaught. A frayed splinter dug into your palm, the weight of the shovel increasing as the hole in the ground deepened. The dirt was malleable, easy to unearth and pile up.
Many graves were dug by your hand, and you prayed this would be the last.
Boothill wept only a few feet away, Rena’s corpse in his arms underneath a sturdy tree. Ashamed, your gaze fell back to the emptying plot.
Heavy throbbing found its home along your left side, yet still, you had to dig. The pain was deserved – a punishment that fit your crime. Crusting edges tug and bent at the surrounding skin, the quickly cauterized wounds only growing more irritated by the rainwater.
Trickles of pink traversed down your cheeks, blood washing away slowly with your tears. Leaning on the shovel, your eyes rose from the ground. A strong and steady breeze cast the rain in sheets, carving figures in the mist. Discerning who they were was useless, you could remember them anywhere.
Your father, the Weston family, and your daughter.
The mud and soil coating your fingers shifted to a deep scarlet, beads falling from their tips and hitting your boots. Trees morphed into tombstones, and you found yourself paralyzed. Mr. Whitfield’s gravelly voice rang in your ears, drowning out any natural melodies.
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn a pure soul, lost too soon. Rena Blackwell was an adored child, and she will continue to be so in our thoughts, and all the way to the depths of our hearts. Her smile could dispel any darkness, and her curiosity persisted to the ends of the earth. Her fascinations lie with animals and music, her greatest friends a pony and her papa’s guitar. May she find eternal peace amidst these mountains and plains, their windy song carrying her gently to the hereafter.”
Lightning crackled across the sky, an omen of your judgment day. Boothill’s shadowed figure stand illuminated by the last ounce of daylight breaking from the clouds. Rena lay delicately in the grave, eyes closed and hands folded, his hat just beneath their union. Wordlessly he took the shovel, leaving you to kneel at her side as dirt cascaded over her corpse.
Stars found their stages in the wisp-struck night sky, their beaming light mocking. If they were tangible to Earth, you would have left plenty of rounds in them. Mourning was an act displayed to you since childhood, but it never came easily. Perhaps that was part of the point. Loss would never be simple, and humanity is far too complex to handle it so. Death was an odd thing, and despite working so intimately with the inevitable specter, it had yet to reveal every one of its forms.
Every body you would prepare never revealed its secrets. No amount of soap and water could cleanse it's invasiveness. No number of incisions and blood drained could release the agony. The fluids injected could not provide life, and clothes would only emulate. Death was permanent, and excruciating to all.
You could shoot a man without hesitation, but being along the receiving end of that cruelty, you could only resign yourself to regret. You killed bad men, yet they still had lives. Friends and family they found or created.
The grating sound of a knife on wood reached your ears, breaking into your thoughts. Boothill sat opposite to you, a neat piece of bark in his hands. Raging thunder rolled, sending a chill down your spine. Paranoia created the shattering sense that you would be reunited with Rena by dawn. Either by your own hands or someone else’s; perhaps the heavens would shoot back, sanctioned by some higher force that heard your monologue.
You watched him work, one tainted hand of yours rubbing back and forth over the dirt housing your daughter. His actions soon faded to oblivion as the song of the storm played on.
When a new bolt of lightning crashed, you became privy to her tombstone.
Rena Blackwell
Beloved star
1892 - 1892
Boothill stood, utterly dejected and tear-stained, before extending a hand down to you. His head met your shoulder once you rose, and one of your hands reached his hair. Strength was needed of you, not misery. The only comfort you received was a fact – no harm would befall you in Boothill’s arms, unless he pointed the gun at you instead.
—
Cheers ascended from under the floorboards, filling your pitch-black room with taunting joy. Your eyes remained on the ceiling, hands at your sides as you lay still – attempting to sink into the hard mattress while the hurricane to your left continued. It was the sixth night ending like this. Boothill had yet to find slumber, his journey to it only filled with suffering. He never reached out, always keeping his back to you and his face toward the pillow.
Despite the stinging urge to run your fingers through his hair, not once could you ever. Conflicting instincts wanting nothing more than to soothe him, but craving an escape.
You rubbed your eyes, throwing the sheet off of your body. The night chill creeped in, the sensation a welcome dissipation for your tenseness. A sniff echoed before a heavy sigh, and not even a moment later the bed resumed its light shaking. Stomps came in unison from the bar below, startling you to jump. With a worn exhale you sat up, feet touching the rough floor. In just a couple quick movements, you were dressed well and ready to face the ruckus below.
A saddened silver gaze finally revealed itself in the sliver of light from the doorway, but yours focused only on the ground, afraid to face him.
Instead, you would find solace in a bartender’s hands, the liquor he poured leaving a delightful blaze in your throat – easing the pain one sip at a time. It was only now you could understand why Isaiah Weston made the choices he did. Too cowardly to navigate his emotions, much less his son’s. The vulnerability intimidating, and any words gone with the wind. A weight too heavy to hold, but various fears preventing you from ever sharing it.
Getting lost in the bottle was a romantic escape, then, even if you would come to regret it. That blossomed the vicious cycle, when your method of coping only added more guilt – defeating the purpose of this night to begin with.
A hand placed itself on your shoulder, bringing your gaze from empty shot glasses to a familiarly styled head of black hair. Tears rapidly welled in your eyes, spirit feeling despondent when their hand returned to the counter.
“Jasper?” you whispered, feeble hope fueling your delusion.
They shook their head at you, “I’m afraid that’s not my name.”
“My apologies.” you nodded, downing another round as they began talking to the bartender.
He was dead, the first to meet the end of your revolver. There was no place to find him besides six feet under, at the very cemetery you first met.
Perhaps a visit to Fort Talia was what you needed. It had been four or five years since you left that fateful night with Boothill, never to look back. Although now, after everything, maybe looking back is the right thing to do. Return to, and learn from the past in order to glance forward. Walk the deck of the funeral parlor, stop by your old house. Finally speak to your mother again.
It was decided. Talk to Boothill come morning and see if he would join you.
—
Bright noon rays lit up the dusty buildings of Fort Talia, its peaceful people walking past Boothill with nods and greetings. Under any other circumstance he would respond, however words failed him now. The brim of his new hat hung low, obscuring his features and providing a bit of comfort. The less others saw of him the better.
He was fractured, too many pieces scattered across the range for him to find. Conversation would not come easy when he could hardly even handle a talk with himself. Your hotel rooms had become suffocating as of late. Silence reigning and gazes only ever in opposing directions. It was cold – a sensation Boothill had become unfamiliar with after all these years. That only served to make your icy temperament feel like a burning hell. No words exit your lips, eyes focused out of windows, on the ceiling or the floor. It was unbearable, the shunning that leaked from your figure.
What had he done to make you feel so? Was he even to blame?
Silver watched the clouds drift over the sky, a horrible longing to join them occupying his mind. A nearly impossible fate for him, now feared more than ever.
“Papa!”
A small, light voice shouted excitedly, followed by the pattering of boots on the deck.
Boothill turned expectantly, arms shifting and ready to pick up his daughter.
Instead he was made a fool.
He quickly returned to a regular stance, leaving down the nearby alleyway to lean himself against the wood. That was somebody else’s child, not his. The title he came to love most would never be used again, abandoned amidst the Iron Springs forest. “Papa” was her first word, and possibly even her last.
He recalled the tears you shared when she spoke, listening to her babble about him. Her voice was that of angels, as if he was finally worthy of speaking to the heavens.
Now he lost that angel, the most vivid star in the sky.
~
Three moss-coated tombstones lay before you, names that you first came to know at fifteen.
Isaiah, Callie, and Jasper.
Ellis must rest in Warren, then. Forever separated from his family.
A couple desert marigolds grew along the path to the cemetery, and you left one at each of their graves. Six in total gathered in your hand – one for each person you were to visit, as well as two extras for whoever you saw fit.
Boots trudged through the dry ground, avoiding stones that shaped plots or decorated the base of a tombstone. Rocks of grey and tan sat below your father’s and the one now beside it.
Upon reading the inscription, the marigolds fell to the dust.
Your mother was buried at his right, her death only one year ago.
With your forehead to the fine wood of said tombstone, your resolve finally crumbled. Any strength you wished to hold forsaken for the misery you denied. Tears flowed and fell frenzied, patiently creating a mud where your fingertips dug into the ground.
All of this loss, but why?
Why cherish anything if it would only be ripped away?
Holding your precious little girl one moment, only for her blood to splash over your face the next. Befriend a lonely boy, one who you found a kinship with, just for him to be shot by your hand.
Your mother, who despite her own mourning, still silently reached out to you, giving you what support she could muster. Your father, who robbed and killed unbeknownst to you, still provided and taught you things he knew about the world that would never be shared at the old schoolhouse.
They all had one common thread – loving you.
Burden, plague, curse. All words that could describe what a detriment you were. If they never loved you, never met or created you, perhaps their fates would be different.
What of Boothill, then?
—
Droplet-stained windows displayed a wagon of bottles stopping outside of the saloon. One of the drivers lept from its front, unlocking the back panel and pulling out two jugs. He lifted them in each hand, a big smile on his face as he cheered through the doors.
The crude and familiar scent of cigarette smoke curled through the window as you cracked it open, the stale quietude of your hotel room grating your nerves. Boothill observed you idly from the bed as you inhaled deeply, palms on the framing. The smell was lovely now, soothing almost. His gaze bore into you, seemingly trying to decipher your inner world.
"What is it?" you spoke softly, head turning toward him.
He sighed, eyes shifting to the ceiling. "I… You've just been so… cold I guess. I try not to take it personally, but I can't help it sometimes."
"Our daughter died, Boothill."
He sat up, "You think I don't know that?"
With a heavy exhale, you faced him. "Of course you do, but I just…"
"Every day begins and ends with her. Not a second goes by where that scene ain't fillin' my head."
"You assume it isn't the same for me? I watched them shoot her – her blood was on my face for hours! Do you think I can forget that?"
"I'm not askin' you to!"
"It sure sounds like it!"
"I just want some answers and for you to recognize that you're not the only one hurtin' here. Shutting me out hasn't been doing any good."
"Shutting you out? I recall you doing that to me. Any time I reach out, you leave or move away from me, and I get no words, nothing! You've got no love or respect for me anymore!"
"Don't you go there." He stood, inching closer to you with every word. "How dare you say that I feel nothing for you. If anything, you've been giving that treatment to me. Do you know how it feels to lay there cryin', wishing that your partner would just run their fingers through your hair and share that pain with you? No. Instead they go out for the night doin' who the heaven knows what, and then return at dawn like nothing happened. Like they didn't just abandon you to return reeking of alcohol or bruised and bloodied. Do you know how powerless that makes somebody?"
"I'm handlin' my own pain my way. I'm tryin' to be strong for you!"
"I don't want you to be strong for me! I want to know that my partner is here, and never leavin'! You remember what I said? I take care of you and you take care of me. That was the promise!"
"Well how are you takin' care of me exactly?"
"How am I supposed to begin if you never let me in!"
"Rich comin' from the likes of you."
"Why're you talkin' down to me? Do you think that helps?"
He paused before you, staring down into your eyes with a mixture of fire and love – an undertone of concern and fear. His hands came to hold your shoulders, and you hesitantly accepted the touch. One drifted up to the side of your neck, his thumb tracing your jaw and the edge of your cheek. The way he'd always comfort you. A guilt began setting in, tearing and biting at your throat, preventing any words from leaving you – likely for the better after your childish retorts.
"I don't wanna fight with you, darlin'. Please, just talk to me."
Wordlessly, you placed your arms around his neck, hugging him cheek to cheek. His own came to encase you when you finally whispered everything in his ear.
"I miss you… so much it hurts. I'm so sorry for all of the turmoil I've given you. That was never my intention. I just… I felt like you hated me. Blamed me for her… death."
"I never could."
"And I know that now. I didn't mean to be so cold, and I understand how you need me. I must admit I'd like to be selfish and have you do the same."
"That's not selfish."
You sniffed, "My… my mama died a year ago."
"Darlin'..."
"I didn't know." Fresh tears welled in your eyes. "She had no way to write to me. I have no idea what could have happened to her. She was all alone, lost to the world in our little house."
His hands descended to your hips, carefully stepping backward as you clung to him reluctant to move. He turned, setting you down on the bed before walking to get a blanket off of one of the chairs. The soft wool came into your hands before a weight settled behind you.
“Lay down.”
You shifted up the bed, throwing the blanket over your legs and resting your head. Boothill shuffled up next to you, his cheek to your chest. He stared up at you, eyes closing when your fingers finally ran through his hair. A sigh filled the room, mingling with gentle neighing from the street below. Silver was revealed to you once more, a low and husky whisper reaching your ears.
"We had this huge tree, back on the farm down in Redhawk. Its branches were wide and overflowing with leaves, but on a windy night you could see the stars through them. My fathers, they were always dreaming -- planning for our future. We'd sit out there and they'd talk for a while, answer any of my questions and teach me some life lessons. Eventually, one would get to strummin' on the guitar and we'd sing and cheer along – it was the most fun when some of their friends would come to visit or we'd host some guests from the road.
One was more pragmatic than the other, though they both had sharp minds. He could talk to anybody, find out anything he wanted to know. More caring and gentle, but still very strong. My other was a great gunslinger, and charismatic to a fault. He was a little rough around the edges, but I loved him anyway. They were my idols; taught me nearly everything I knew before I started goin' on the round-ups. Wasn't until I went back to our farm just a couple years later that I found it tore apart, two letters on the dining table for me. They were gone -- one captured and killed by the NHA and the other off to get revenge. He left me one of his revolvers, the same one I still use today."
Your fingers ran over his exposed cheek, noting the brimming water in his eyes matching your own.
“They raised a brilliant son.”
Your voice cracked as you finished speaking, watching him cry into you as you released your own burdens. The euphoria of budding forgiveness and the grief previously set aside catching up to you. It seemed that nearly every pain of yours was one he shared at some point or another, and it only emphasized the resolution of your argument.
You needed each other now more than ever.
—
“Are my eyes playin’ tricks on me?”
“Well I don’t believe it either.”
A man shook hands strongly with Boothill, hitting his other down on his shoulder. He had a confident glint in his hazel gaze, a boisterous air around him.
“How’ve you been, you beautiful piece of scrap?” he chuckled.
“Times have certainly been better.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, friend.” was his somber reply.
You extended your hand, feeling a calloused one against your palm.
“I see you’re his partner in crime, undertaker.”
“You got one of your own yet?” you asked, trying to keep the atmosphere light.
“Of course! You’re more than welcome to come by tonight and meet her, our kids as well! We’ve got two of them raisin’ hell all over the place.”
“Thank you, but-”
“We’ll be there.” Boothill interrupted, a sharp smile contrasting with his sullen eyes.
“I’m happy to hear that!” Lee beamed, “Some supper'll be ready for you.”
His hand hit your elbow playfully before he focused on Boothill.
“What liquor do you like now, ‘Hill?”
~
Lee’s porch was well-lit, a small garden out front with bright flowers and a structure of twigs resting alongside the stairs. It was likely built by his children, or whoever got distracted while watering and left puddles on the steps. A light knock reverberated through the door, summoning a figure that stood as tall as the knob to open it.
“Hello!”
Quick steps came from behind them, before the door was tugged open further.
“Come in, please!”
You were the first to cross the threshold, a large fireplace and a set table coming into view. Chairs were gathered immediately to your left, some books and a half-built pyramid of empty cans decorating the scene. Blankets were gathered against the wall, dark brown eyes meeting yours as a shaggy dog rose from its bed.
Lee carried a pot to the table, a white cloth protecting his hands from the hot handles. He uttered warnings of the heat to his kids, the same ones who greeted you at the door. Another figure, just slightly taller than him, followed behind with a pitcher of water in one hand and a bottle of bourbon in the other.
While they continued preparing the food and adjusting the ambience, one child tugged on the ends of Boothill’s coat. The other peppered him with questions, looking excitedly at his gun and even more so at the chamber kept in his arm. A small smile grew on his face at their attention before they returned to Lee, wanting to know stories about his “heroic” friend. He followed them to the table, pouring two cups of water from the pitcher and handing it to them. Joyfully, they thanked him and resumed their conversation with Lee.
Seeing what he had raised mixed feelings. You were happy that he had found somebody of his own, that they seemed to love each other and work well together. That joy still couldn’t bury the tinge of envy sinking in, created from how it hurt to be reminded of what your family could have been had Rena simply been allowed to grow.
Scratching behind one of the dog’s ears, a tap landed on your shoulder and grey fingers came into view. They held a glass out to you, filled with clear liquid.
“For you, darlin’.”
The undertone of his words were not lost on you – avoid drinking tonight. Let me take care of you.
“Would you like some stew?”
The welcoming voice of Evelyn sounded from the dining table, a bowl and ladle in her hands. You accepted her offer, watching her gold wedding band glint in the light as you approached her. Their dog followed just behind, its nose occasionally bumping into the back of your leg.
The stew was warm in your hands, making a soft thud against the counter as you sat beside Boothill. A savory broth coated your tongue, the heat of a home-cooked meal comforting amidst the chilly desert night. Conversation flowed easily between all of you, as if you were playing back at the saloon years ago. It wasn’t until there were scraps in bowls and empty glasses covering the table that it took a more serious turn.
Evelyn dismissed their children, Emmett and Mable, from the table. Begrudgingly they went to the living area, playing with the dog and continuing to build their pyramid.
"What happened, 'Hill?" Lee questioned lowly.
You placed your hand along the back of Boothill's neck, meeting his somber gaze. “Let’s talk about it.”
He sighed, his eyes leaving yours and looking at the couple on the opposite side of the table. "Just eight or nine months ago we found a baby up in Iris Creek. We took her in as our own, raising her at that ranch I was tellin’ you about in Iron Springs.” He paused a moment, and you brushed your thumb against his nape, your focus remaining on the wood floor. “About… About three weeks ago the NHA came knockin'. They killed her right in front of them." His gaze turned to you momentarily. "I arrived shortly after."
"I'm so incredibly sorry to hear that." Evelyn spoke gently, placing her hands over one of yours and Boothill's. "I won't pretend to know that pain, but we're here if you need anything."
Lee reciprocated her action, a grit in his voice that was vastly different from hers. "Those cruel bastards will get their judgment day." He exhaled after a glance from his wife, solemnly looking at you, then at Boothill. "She's right, though. A room, food, company, whatever you need. There'll always be a warm fire ready here for you."
—
Bidding farewell to the McHale’s was difficult. They wanted nothing more than to continue catching up, but the night was passing and grogginess collectively set in. Emmett and Mable shouted their goodbyes from the porch, accompanied by the waves of Evelyn and Lee. You returned their gestures, slowly riding off from their home. Boothill’s gaze turned to the stars after saying his own goodbyes, watching the sky as he shifted back and forth. There was much to ponder after that visit, especially for him. The two of you hadn’t talked much in the past few hours, occupied by your own worlds and memories of the past.
Life had been fulfilling thus far, though one world-altering regret weighed heavily on that idea. A certain finality came with it, a need for eventual acceptance lest you meet that finality yourself. In time you would arrive there, but for now it was best to let the pain run its course – feel it and share in it. Boothill had no expectation of you than to simply be there for him as he is for you. Rena had two parents, and lived the best, most beautiful life you could provide for her.
There was one thing you had learned about death -- all that it claimed were eternally benevolent, either in life or the hereafter. If your parents, or Boothill's fathers were here right now, made of flesh and blood, they would want the best for you. For you to live another day and find your place in this wide and bittersweet world. They strived the same as you, to give their child the life they deserved. Perhaps Jasper's notions in the face of death's door were correct. Family would reunite, free of burdens and earthly matters. Spirits would live on in bliss, their memory preserved by each generation.
When you picture all that you've lost, you see a beautiful ranch -- just like the one you worked in Iron Springs. There would be a grand tree, housing Boothill's fathers and little Rena giggling and tugging on one's hair just like she would with you. Your parents would exit a cabin with various drinks and a bowl of apples, stopping to share one with a horse on their way to the meeting spot. Maybe even the Weston's were there, Isaiah smiling from a rocking chair on the porch. Callie would be happy, free of sickly features and whistling a tune. Ellis, cleaning his guns right beside his father. And Jasper would walk from the door, giving each of them a hug before running over to your parents and helping them carry their goods.
If the day ever came, when you would face that reaper with your boots on, that was the life you craved to return to. One where you could drink, laugh, and settle things with your large family -- everyone you ever held dear gathered 'round to celebrate the day. You would wait for Boothill, the inevitable fact being that he would outlive you. It was an idea accepted long ago. Confronting reality was necessary for the life you lead.
Yet that was the other thing about death -- love surpasses it. No matter what kind that love was, it would dance across the edge into the realm of departure. While it may alter itself, those living would still hold its fondness.
If the day ever came that Boothill joined you, either as he is now or as Jesse Blackwell, you would greet him with arms wide open. That very same love remaining with the dead, living in their own peaceful way at your little ranch.
"What's on your mind, darlin'?" he whispered, gazing at you now, instead of the night sky.
"You, and our dreams." you replied with a small smile.
“How romantic of you.” he chuckled, a contrasting and heavy look in his eyes.
Silence rode along between you for a moment until you spoke up, “Where do we go from here?”
He exhaled, a defeated yet promising sound. “Let’s just start with our hotel room. Take it one day at a time from there.”
#coff writes for hsr 🍾#i've only seen like four of the things that have been shared and talked about the most from his leaks#mostly since i don't want to seek them out#since i think it'll be even more impactful when it's officially shared in the story#but still#i'm looking forward to it :)#and with the little bit i've seen so far#i wanted to continue his and the reader's story in this au#and the challenges that come with what they face#especially with the reader being a former undertaker#also the title is from seed of memory by terry reid if you're curious :)#and if you know where the title for part 1 is from here's some extra love 🫶 one of my favorite games of all time and an inspo for this au#anyway tag time!#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr boothill#hsr x reader#hsr boothill x reader#honkai star rail x reader#honkai star rail boothill#honkai star rail boothill x reader#hsr fanfic#hsr au
61 notes
·
View notes
Text
Finally got the determination to watch a Joe Hills episode for the first time pretty much ever and noticed him streaming like 2 minutes before his stream ended. His glasses and shirt and kind of hair are transparent, and now the end of his stream is glitching out for me so that it's on an infinite loop of "keep adventurin'...stop- streamin'" in irregular intervals which has been going on for me as I type this post. Is this the Joe Hills experience?
#/pos#joe hills#joe#I kind of like this experience#i want the keep adventurin stop streamin to continue forever#i don't know if it'll stop if I X out of the tab :(#also I say pretty much because technically I HAVE watched a Joe video before but it was the video where he sat down and wrote fanfiction in#a Minecraft book and quill#and also that was several years ago when I watched it#so I don't remember much
225 notes
·
View notes
Text
Soulmate aus are so interesting in an iwtv context. Like for humans it's easy, right? They get their soulmate mark, they find their soulmate, or maybe they don't, and they live their life. For vampires though? Do vampiric soulmates even exist? How could they when the soulmate marks are relics of their human life? When the other person who has the mark will be dead before their life as a vampire has even begun? Or were they always fated to become a vampire? Did the universe take that into account? Will they have to wait some hundreds of years for their soulmate to be born? Their soulmate could be anywhere, any time. Hell, their soulmate could be the person they just drained. Who knows. Even if they were somehow able to find them, what are the chances they'd stay together for eternity? It is eternity after all. Not even the universe or fate can guarantee that.
#but then like uggghhhh thinking about iwtv soulmate au fics and like. they're not soulmates or meant to be but they choose each other anyway#their soulmate could be rotting in the ground or not even in existence yet. maybe they knew them in their human life. or vampire life#but nothing is a guarantee. and isn't it much more profound to choose your own companion anyhow? to love and choose them?#(little do they realize that's what a soulmate is. and even though they might not have the mark it's the same thing. to love and choose)#thinking about louis and armand specifically. like both of them would have Feelings about this i'm sure#louis and lestat are soulmates ofc. ofc there's some string of fate strangling them and they have to figure out what that means#i feel like louis would be resentful of it. like he loves lestat obviously but their relationship is turbulent at best so during the lows#louis 100% resents the universe and god and fate for tying the two of them together#lestat would assume it's all sunshine and roses now that he's found his soulmate and kind of assume it'll automatically work out?#and they'd have to come to terms with the fact that while they are soulmates#their relationship and what it is and how it goes isn't preordained. they still have to figure it out themselves#meanwhile armand and daniel aren't soulmates#god armand doesn't know who his is and he is very like. not melancholy#but he definitely holds that in his chest along with the other things that were taken from him#daniel for sure met his soulmate but like it was nothing compared to armand#and daniel doesn't really buy into the whole romanticization of soulmates anyway#armand kind of does and once they start their relationship he'd definitely have angst about preventing daniel from finding his soulmate#in this universe that could be another reason he tampered with daniel's memories (assuming that's what happened in the amc canon)#to give daniel a chance to live a full human life. to give him the chance to find his soulmate#but then daniel lives a life. he meets his soulmate. and at the end of it all he still chooses armand#and claudia? she just wants someone to choose her. she doesn't care if it's her soulmate or not. she doesn't care about that#maybe she used to romanticize it. having someone guaranteed. but she's seen soulmates hurt each other. both in her human and vampire life#and she knows it doesn't matter what fate or the universe says. people's choices and actions are their own#and so when madeleine chooses her they don't have the marks but claudia thinks maybe this is what a soulmate is after all#interview with the vampire#louis de pointe du lac#armand#claudia#daniel molloy#lestat de lioncourt
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
One misfortune follows another, and now my partner's job is cutting his hours even though they ASSURED him they wouldn't :/
Sooooo... that's happening, and between my ongoing mental health crisis and the fact that I somehow managed to fuck up my neck and upper back, I don't really have many options as far as trying to make up for the lost income.
Anyway, that's still on top of my own expenses, and now having to worry about being able to make rent or not, so if anyone feels like helping out for this month here's my ko-fi, paypal, and patreon if you'd like to support me regularly and also read my stories, thanks so much to everyone who has financially supported me in the past, I'm sorry to have to keep doing this but I'm just not at a good place rn and the instability is causing a lot of issues.
#zhuixing's empty wallet#financial assistance#mutual aid#like i said pls block that first tag to stop seeing posts like this#i'm just a tiiiiny bit desperate these days#haha#there's potentially an actual path forward in the works but for now i'm trying not to get my hopes up too high#bc historically things don't go well when i'm involved#and also it'll be a little while until we know if it'll work out#so even if you can't help financially just sending good vibes for things to work out well is really appreciated
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
you've heard of: aroacespec "is this person flirting with me" confusion, now get ready for: Does this person think I'm flirting with them (and also are they flirting "back" with me) because I accidentally bumped into them a lot?
#new jersey girl seems to really like me that makes me happy#nobody's been attracted to me before#but it'll make me sad if she asks me out#because even though I LOVE her i think i'd have to say no just because i really imagine myself#with a boyfriend far more than a girlfriend lately and i don't want to put her into a relationship that might end up feeling like#misgendering...#aro#ace#aroace#aroacespec#aromantic#arospec#greyromantic#greyro#I said this#we've been walking all over campus together and she's um. not a very considerate walker i keep#almost getting pushed off the path so that's whyh i keep bumping into her lol#but also she seems to like standing/sitting near me?#and i said 'i think my face is a little...' because i was thinking it felt like it got too much sun#and she was like 'i think your face is a little too-- wait what did u say?'#and i said i didn't even use an adjective but said burnt/red was what i should have siad#and she just said 'i think your face is a little'#like is that an oblique compliment??#okay the funniest part is yesterday she said some random girl came up to her and said she looked pretty and she wasn't sure if it was#flirting or just a compliment so she doesn't even know what flirting is either lol#also she calls me Data now bc i told her about hwo my uncle said my parents consult me like picard consults data lol#tbh maybe i gave her the wrong signals by moisturizing when she was in my room last night?#(kept sticking my hand under my clothes. my roommate brought her in right after i showered)#i asked my roommated if that was weird and she thought it was fine but she might not be the best metric
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
and what's everyone gonna do when they find out i've got a hawkmetri to all the boys i've loved before au half written in my drafts
what would happen if i said that
#it's from FOREVER AGO#around the same time i drafted im wanting it back#and guys trust me it's literally so good#not to spoil the concept but like my last ask reminded me of it#what if eli wrote a bunch of embarrassing love letters over the years (way before he joined cobra kai)#and then what if they all got out#hate to say it hope i don't sound ridiculous but LETTER 1 GOES TO MR MIGUEL DIAZ#hawk is my disaster bi comfort character#don't know if you can tell#anywho!!!! maybe it'll be written one day!!!! i hope so!!!!!#i'll write it later this fall when i have time again someone remind me#cobra kai#ck#hawk cobra kai#eli moskowitz#hawkmetri#elimetri#binary boyfriends#tatbilb#hawkmetri au#demetri x eli#hawk x demetri#miguel x hawk
45 notes
·
View notes
Text
@exodus-raine holy crap you're so right, how could I have forgotten about her D:
The floor chalk was MADE for her
#midna#twilight princess#twilight princess spoilers#no pardon necessary for mentioning the sacred gremlin#i apologize for not having her be my first thought when seeing the *teal* chalk#how could i have been so blind#her imp form is so damn hard to draw#worth every minute though#i dont think it came out as well as her true form but my thumb is starting to hurt again so i had to wrap this up#probably a result of drawing for over 30 hours a week with few breaks at a time for 3 weeks in a row#BUT unlike last time i actually know what to do about it#so i don't think it'll stick around for as long#...hopefully#mixed media#charcoal#marker#((and two pens and a lone piece of floor chalk))
27 notes
·
View notes