#i don't know what i'm talking about but i'll try to be as honest as possible. not cruel not yes-man-y just.

[loveofcharacters]

That image of hime will never leave her mind. She knows it's a bold thing to say, but she knows in her gut, it will stay with her. Letting out a small sigh, she hated herself for playing with his mind and emotions. "In what way? If you were to be honest now, what would you say about where you were mentally?" She knew Grace said he couldn't be pushed, but she needed to try. "And would this have built up the way it did if you were seeing your therapist more regularly?" She didn't want to scold him, but she wanted to support him, which means scheduling therapy appointments, both as his assistant and his girlfriend- whoa. The subtlety that thought came to her stunned her for a second, abort, abort, abort. Looking back at him forcefully focusing on him to deter her own inner spiral.

Smiling and letting out a soft chuckle at the thought of slapping him across the face, her facial expression soured the more he divulged his inner thoughts. "Wow, those thoughts either really hate me or are out to get you." She tried to joke. She could see he was embarrassed and her heart hurt for him because he had no reason for it. "You know I don't feel that way right?" She knew he admitted it was a stupid thought, but she wanted him to hear it from her. "Especially when I'm not 'dealing' with you. If anything, you're 'dealing' with me. You have a legitimate diagnosis to back up your stuff, I'm just... a naive and gullible idiot." Chuckling at her own expense. "I don't know," She said awkwardly disliking any talk around money, specifically someone else buying her anything. "It is an expense, technically, but I can get my own phone. You pay be very well to be able to afford a new one." She felt so awkward as if she had insects crawling underneath her skin, "It's fine, I can buy it." She said quickly, desperate for this conversation to be over, "I'll buy it later, or tomorrow, or whenever." She nodded. "You know, I really like getting back into bed idea. Where are your spare sheets? I can go make the bed, or we can use that guest room I've been neglecting."

He hated that he put her through that, that she'd had to see him like that. It was worse that he knew she blamed herself for it when, in reality, she'd done nothing wrong. "I was in a weird place yesterday. Everything building up the way it had, feeling like I was going to lose you before we ever even got to have anything..." Maybe he didn't want to discuss it right now but he couldn't avoid it forever. "I wasn't being honest about where I was mentally either and it caught up to me." Honestly he didn't know if a shock to the system would work or not. Everyone seemed to want to treat him with such a soft touch when he got to be a certain way. But it might work. "It's definitely worth a shot. Like, don't slap me across the face or anything because I don't know how I would react to that. But maybe a hug or something? Something to knock me out of it. You being there helped, I swear it did. I just... honestly, when your call dropped I thought something happened to you and I was so close to calling the cops but I didn't know where you were and then the intrusive thoughts just snaked in and told me you'd hung up on me on purpose and that you didn't want to deal with me anymore. It was stupid." He felt embarrassed and it showed on his face. "What I really want is to get back into bed but we can definitely get you a new phone. Is that considered a company expense or are you not going to let me cover that one? You can use mine if you need to make calls or anything. I've got nothing to hide."

[certifiedsexed]

hi so i was hoping for like a gut check on this because maybe it's weird and if it is i want to stop.

so im trans and autistic, and because of that im a little behind on understanding masturbation and my body. ive been trying to read up on it and im trying to learn how to masturbate. one of my friends and i were talking about it, and he asked to see some of the webpages i was looking at (shoutout to you and planned parenthood). but we were looking through them and one of the links went to scarleteen.

and he said it was weird and kind of perverted because im an adult (24) and thats for teenagers. i said that i thought it was okay because its not like im interacting with teenagers and theyre pretty good for teaching me i thought because i like the clear writing and the easier words and also its just a webpage. but the more i think about it the more freaked out i get. like scarleteens one of them and also teen vogue and some other ones because those are just what come up a lot of the time for learning more.

so what do you think? is it bad? because my friend and i ended up not sure. but if its bad i'll stop i dont want to hurt anyone.

Hello! Let me see if I can help.

So, there's nothing wrong with using resources designed for children when you're an adult, for the most part.

You're not taking resources from children or even interacting with children [though that's not even necessarily an immediate issue, depending on the situation], you're just using an accessible website with a lot of information on things you might've missed.

It can be very hard to find websites with accessible language, especially when you're new to a subject and there should be no shame in using something designed for people younger than you if it's helpful and its not hurting anyone.

I don't quite understand where your friend is coming from, to be honest. Using "perverted" and "weird", both harsh terms for something harmless, to describe this doesn't really make sense to me.

But I understand that it's upset you, understandably! So let me be clear:

No, there's nothing wrong with what you're doing. Using Scarleteen and websites like Teen Vogue are both perfectly fine, regardless of your age. They're targeted towards children, but children aren't the only ones who can use them.

It absolutely hurts no one for you to read their articles and learn. In fact, it's a good thing you're learning from these websites and showing them to other people you know. That only helps websites like that.

It's not bad in the least, Anon. I'd encourage you to keep using them, especially if they're helping you learn easily. That's literally awesome! [I'm honored to be among those you're learning from! <3]

Hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions. <3

[lobaznyuk]

the s*xual tension between me and the decision to watch the dance moms reunion

[heavenknowsffs]

Sorry for another vent post but here goes

[aikoiya]

Thank you so much!! I try! I really do! 😁 But then, I also enjoy it, so, ya know. 😆

I really like thinking about this & I'm glad that, if nothing else, I've given you some food for thought.

Now that you mention it, Thundra being Castor Wilds is a pretty interesting possibility. 🤔

I can understand your perspective & it's no less plausible than mine. Though, I will say that, for the nostalgia thing, I remember hearing that, part of the reason was that they thought they'd explored everything they could in as a unique a way as they thought they could, but that EoW showed them that the classic formula still had so stuff they could play with.

Huh... I wasn't aware of the sabaku pun! Cool! I like that, but yes, you're right. It could be a different location. Though, I actually think I knew about the Tabanta thing, but I still find it neat!

---

I'll be honest, I actually had a number of issues with TotK's story myself, but then I started watching analysis on the game & the character's motives from a more Japanese perspective &, when I did, things finally started to make a degree of sense.

For those living in the other timelines at the time of the merge, what happened was most likely something similar to what happened with the flood. The gods told those living in those timelines' Hyrules to scale to the mountain summits & wait. They did it before, why not again?

As for what they'd know? Myth & legend. Little knowledge of what truly happened, but then again. Not long ago, IRL we also believed that Sparta was a mythical, made-up city, but then the actual city was uncovered. Sometimes, things are just forgotten & then found again. It happens & yes, it's sad & maybe sometimes it makes things feel like it was all pointless, but that doesn't mean that it is.

So, even though it may seem that combining the timelines erases any consequences of Time dying, I actually wouldn't really say as such. Those things still happened. And, if I were to say anything, it's likely because of the merge that the Wild Era has so few references to the past. Because it would cause there to be 3 different histories with inconsistent narratives, which would likely be why the Era of Myth would be called as such.

Also, by this point, it's likely been approaching 50,000 years since SS... Like, I dunno, it just seems like that's a heckton of time, ya know?

Though, I guess that I feel like "just" is a bit of a stretch. Like, in my mind, the gods of Hyrule aren't all-powerful. They have limits to what they can do, so if they wanna do something as big as merging timelines, I think it would take literal millennia of planning & organizing & making sure that things are just so. As such, I'd be surprised if there wasn't some huge reason for this.

In my mind, the timelines still exist, but they eventually merge back together later down the line. Like, the pasts of those timelines don't just disappear. More so, it's like if a river divides into 2 before joining again somewhere else. There was still a point when they were separate, it's just isn't now. But don't take this as me trying to convince you of anything. I'm just a rachet-jaw (means I talk a lot) & I like chattering about my hyperfixations & explaining things. I understand that my takes are most likely pretty confusing, too, so I don't mind criticism, either! 😆

For the dragons, I actually really didn't like their designs. I preferred how they designed the Light Dragon, though I'd have liked it better if she'd had a more leonnine tail.

And, the dragons could very well be a reference to Skyward Sword, but I never thought that they were literally the dragons from then. A) They never talked. B) The element of the blue dragon was wrong as well.

For Rauru as the first king of Hyrule, my thoughts are that he didn't found Hyrule, but more so, he re-founded it unknowingly, likely naming it after the stories he heard from the locals of an ancient & prosperous kingdom of light. It wouldn't be the first time that a place was named after a legend in hopes of bringing about prosperity.

And, I actually think that it's heavily implied that before Rauru, Hyrule was unnamed & the tribes were at war. One thing I remember Ganondorf saying in the Japanese version was that he wished to return the world to how it was meant to be. But this would indicate that before Rauru, the land & its people were at war. Possibly for a very long time. If so, then if my theory is correct, then it would mean that the main populous of the land when the merge took place would've been the descendants of the Great Islanders of WW. However, if you recall, the islands ran in an acephalous manner, meaning without a single ruling head or centralized government. So, the citizens of the Downfall & Child Timelines would've been, in many ways, refugees of 2 destroyed worlds. Refugees that would begin to integrate into this post flood world that had only been called the Great Sea, but was now no longer a sea. A land that had no princess, because the princess had left to found a new land. It is why Sonia was referred to as a priestess rather than a princess before she married Rauru. Because the Royal Family had been dissolved. Much like how it was in BotW. And, to be fair, Zelda 2 was also a post-apocalyptic time.

Then, I think that Ganondorf also mentions that Rauru & Mineru were the only surviving Zonai... Which... yeah, that makes the fact that he causes their deaths even more effed up because he essentially just committed genocide...

And, it really isn't all that odd for magical sky beings to appear & be thought of as close to the gods or even gods themselves only to never be seen or heard of again. The Occa & the Minish for a couple. In my mind, the Zonai were just another race of people who lived in the sky. And, keep in mind that Hyrule has the same constellations as Earth & it's been said that Hyrule's world is an alternate earth where magic exists. In such a case, we have really & truly seen nothing as far as their world goes.

Like, absolutely nothing. Because BotW's Hyrule was very specifically based on the creator's hometown of Kyoto, so if this information follows, then this is all that we really know about Hyrule's world:

(Also, sorry about that. Vendettas is just an LU-style nickname I thought up for TotK's Ganondorf. Just ignore it.)

So, I guess that when I think about it that way, it's actually much more feasible to me.

Which is another huge thing I wanna see from Nintendo: remasters or sequels to Zelda 1-2 & the Oracle games! All we ever see is Hyrule! Show me some more places outside of that, Nintendo! Let's go back to these really super old places & retell those stories in a new style! Let's hear more about places outside of Hyrule! Let's hear about how Labrynna & Holidrum are doing! Let's learn about other kingdoms & their relation with Hyrule! Let's bring this story to the world stage!! We have an entire world to explore & all they've been playing with is that tiny, piddly little speck???

But going back a bit, I remember that Zelda inherited both Rauru's Light & Sonia's Time magic. In fact, she even said as such. So, I am very much under the impression that, yes, Zelda is their dependent, we just never hear about Rauru & Sonia's child, which is one of my only major issues with the game. As for Zelda's stone changing... Yeah? The stones themselves never had elements to them. They're blank power modifiers that take on the attributes of their wielder. You see it happen twice in the game with Zelda turning Rauru's Light Stone into a Time Stone & then Ganondorf takes Sonia's Time Stone & turns it into a Dark Stone.

And, I actually know a thing or 2 as to why Ganondorf got so much more from the stone than the others. And it has to do with a Japanese concept of how rancor & something known as On'nen works.

You should really look up QuestWithAaron & watch some of his Zelda analysis videos, they're really interesting because he dives in super deep into the original Japanese translations & even brings into perspective the nuances & cultural significances of things.

For one, that Demise & Ganondorf aren't literal demons. Not in a western sense. They're much more analogous to the Japanese concepts of Akuma, which are entities of negative karma born from overwhelming hatred. They are even well-known for placing the sort of curses that Demise did.

It turns out that there's a lot of Buddhist & Shintoist influence on the Zelda series as a whole & once you know this, you find it difficult not to see it.

On'nen is essentially what Malice was in the previous game & Shoki is what Gloom is, but a more accurate term for it would've been Miasma as it goes beyond simply being a corruptive force & into being not dissimilar to pollution or a plague (which is most likely why they went with Gloom instead considering the event that took place around when it came out). On'nen is rancor. It is an overwhelming & enduring hatred & resentment that can even be carried through multiple lives. And it isn't just some feeling, but can become a legitimately corrupting force. In a lot of ways, it's what allows for the existence of death curses. So, I think that due to the way that the stones work, which the Japanese version says that the stones very specifically double the power of the individual. But, the thing is that TotK Ganondorf's power is directly connected to his resentment & hatred. So, if this is the case, what happens when his resentment grows? Well, so too does his Shoki, which is why it's so bad. And, in fact, Shoki is just a more concentrated form of On'nen, meaning that Gloom is just a more concentrated form of Malice. And remember that Gloom didn't just decay the Master Sword, it also decays all the weapons in Hyrule, which itself actually connects the game back to BotW, because that right there is the reason for the durability in the games to begin with! The reason that all the weapons would shatter so quickly in both games is very specifically because Ganondorf's hate-magic was saturated all over the place & causing the weapons to be corroded. But knowing this, we now have a reason as to why the Master Sword was breaking! Fi wasn't weaker, Ganondorf just found the perfect way to combat her!

And, I actually think that we did sort of see something connected to the Zonai in a previous game. Or, more so, we say something they once were.

And, this one might be a bit controversial if goofy, but I think that they are, essentially, evolved remlits. 😆

But, at the end of the day, it's well within your right to have not enjoyed TotK's story or the Zonai. You stick with whatever hc you like most or think is most plausible! I'm just the weirdo who enjoys trying to fit things together regardless of whether Aonuma cares or not. Sure, he's the authority on it, but at the same time, this is just me having fun! 😁

---

Regardless, my many many thanks for all your help!

This has been so very fun & I loved talking & speculating! And I'll definitely be using some of your suggestions, though before that, what do you think of a portmanteau of Croisés & Confluances? It'd probably sound like gibberish, huh? 😅

I was also thinking of naming things in the Zora area that are named after sages as Saint. So, Mipha Court would eventually become Cour Saint Mipha?

But, I gotta say... I would love to see a Zelda spin-off game where you play as a Sea Zora & you go around the ocean to different Zora settlements where we could see more of their culture independent of Hyrule. Like, I imagine them curing bull kelp, then twining them together to make rope. Or that settlements tend to either be close to the surface, on land, or near hydrothermal vents & that, because of this, cooking tends to be a more communal thing.

If not that, I'd like to see some more dark games like OoT & MM someday.

Like, hoy vey, dude! The Dead Hand was seriously messed up, but it gives so much food for thought!

But, sorry! Went off on a tangent! I've enjoyed hearing your thoughts, too! It's really interesting to think about all this! 😁

Hi, sorry if this is a bit rude. 😅 I guess that I was just wondering. How would Jabul Waters, Zora Cove, & Crossflows Plaza be named in French?

I'm trying to give Jabul Waters an interesting name that works to go with my hc & I came up with "Jabuleaux." And Google Translate tells me that Crossflows Plaza would be Place des Flux Croisés. And, I'm seeing that Anse is the term to refer to a cove &, if that's true, then would Zora Cove be Zoranse? At the same time, somewhere else, it said that Anse actually means beach.

And, I believe that a town by a swamp would have cher, quier, bren, brin, or Hor- in it?

I'm sorry if this is weird... 😅

Hi! Don't worry it's not rude or weird at all! I offered to help and I'm happy to do so :D

Did you check the official French translations? I had a surprisingly hard time finding the French version of the map online so here's a screenshot I took myself:

Jabul Waters = Eaux de Jabule (this one only appears when I zoom out)

Zora Cove = Baie Zora

Crossflows Plaza = Place de l'Estuaire

In case you didn't know the Zelda Wiki often lists names for places or characters in various languages in the "Nomenclature" section of its pages. It's very helpful especially if you're searching for the original Japanese names. If we look at at the different names for Crossflows Plaza we can see that a literal translation from Japanese would be something like "Exchanging Place". I checked the Jisho dictionary and it seems to be an accurate translation, though "Place for Cultural Exchanges" would be more meaningful.

It's not exactly a good name in English so it makes sense that the localization team would come up with something like Crossflows Plaza instead, which in my opinion does a very good job of stating that this is both the place where the river meets the sea and where the two Zora tribes traditionally meet each other.

Other European languages all settled for variations of "Estuary Plaza" ("Place de l'Estuaire" in French), which is fine but looses the "cultural exchanges" aspect of both the original name and the English translation.

I've been trying to come up with a French translation of "Crossflows Plaza" but it's not that easy. To me "Place des Flots Croisés" or "Place Flots-Croisés" would sound better than "Place des Flux Croisés", but I still find it a bit weird ("flot" meaning flow, tide or stream). "La Croisée des Flots" is another option if you agree to get rid of Plaza/Place (it means "the intersection/junction of streams"), but I don't think it works very well as a name.

You could also mix words to create a name the same way it was done in English, something like "Place Croiseaux" (croiser/cross + eau/waters). If any of my French speaking followers is feeling inspired, please share your ideas! :)

(I just thought of "Place Cruciflot" and found it too funny not to mention 😆 maybe it sounds too much like crucifix)

In French we also have the word "confluence" that has the exact same meaning as it does in English: either the meeting of two rivers or a gathering of some kind. So to me the most obvious translation would be something like "Place des Confluences" or maybe "Place Confluence", as it would preserve the dual meaning, but it's not very fancy or creative. Maybe we could simply change the spelling to something like Place Konfluans, the same way "Village Côtier" (Seaside Village) is spelled "Village Kothié" (Seesyde Village). But it doesn't look like a French word anymore so I'm not sure that's something you'd like.

As for Jabuleaux, it can work but I prefer the official translation "Eaux de Jabule". Same thing for Zoranse, we would say "Anse Zora" or "Anse des Zora". The official French translation is "Baie Zora" (Zora Bay), which I think is more appropriate given the size of the sea inlet (in my understanding an anse/cove is a small baie/bay and isn't very deep). I think maybe it should have been bay in English as well instead of cove, but I might be wrong! Also I believe "anse" isn't used as often as "baie" and might be confusing for most people, so I would go with "Baie Zora".

I'm not sure where you found this information about swamps and town names? I didn't find anything to confirm it but I might not have looked in the right places.

French towns are often ancient and their names can derive from other languages such as Celtic, Occitan, Flemish, or regional dialects, so that's a very difficult question and I'm not sure I can give you a satisfying answer ^^

I still did a little search and found an Old French word for swamp, "palud" or "palu", that still appears in some town names such as La Palud-sur-Verdon, Saint-Pierre-la-Palud, Lapalud, etc. (today we say "marais" or "marécage"). You might be right about "bren", it could be something like muddy in Gallic.

There's also "vign" or "mign" (from Celtic), as in Mignéville or Lévignac, or l'Île de Migneaux on the Seine river (this one's in my city!).

Near where I grew up is a town named Hazebrouck, it literally means "hare swamp" (brouck/broek = swamp in Flemish). For a bit more French flavor you could maybe use -broucq or -breucq instead of -brouck.

I think the vast majority of French people have no clue about all of that (I didn't except for the last one and it's more Flemish than French), so I'd say don't oversweat it ;)

And that's all! I hope you'll find this helpful ^^

[senseless-blabbering]

kinda really sucks that i've been made to feel so obnoxious and wrong that i just can't really talk about anything myself unless i'm asked something

[fridayyy-13th]

i had so many things to do today, but i only wound up doing two. the two simplest things on the list, in fact. putting tabs on my sheet music and writing dates in my planner. no actual homework. (or more accurately, late work.) now a week of three classes' worth of work all has to be done tomorrow, and i already made plans with my friend for that afternoon. it's 1:32 in the morning. what am i doing anymore.

[softceleste]

i don’t know how to deal with the fact that one of my favorite actors is completely ignoring the ongoing genocide. the implication of their silence and them not even deigning to share a call for a ceasefire is something I genuinely can’t get past. they haven’t even cleared the bar of doing the bare minimum and i’m finding it hard to imagine engaging with any media they’re a part of at this point.

i’m sorry to bother you with this message but the person i’m talking about is someone you also like and i didn’t know who else i could talk to about this. i deliberately left out any identifying information so as not to invite any weirdos to your blog should you choose to answer this. i can send their name in a separate ask if you wish. once again, sorry to bother you

Hey love! So from the get go, I just want to say you are absolutely not bothering me whatsoever, okay? I’m glad that you feel safe / comfortable enough to come talk to me about how you’re feeling, and honestly like... if people are weird in my anons, I’ll block them. You’re good!

I’ll also be honest that I’m still trying to navigate my feelings with this specific thing happening with a couple of my favorites too. Like on the one hand, I obviously prefer that they’re not actively calling for the deaths of Palestinians given how many horrible posts I've seen from celebs doing that, but on the other hand, being silent is frankly just enabling genocide at this point and I fail to see how anyone doesn’t see that. It’s part of why I’m frustrated with people who were posting daily at the beginning and hasn’t posted the entirety of 2024 about it as well currently, because like... right now it’s extremely important to keep posting.  So I’m taking this case by case currently, and keeping an eye on the letters and stuff (because a lot of celebs are not posting zionist on IG to avoid being canceled rn and signing shit like the Biden letter, but on the flip side there’s been celebs I personally haven’t seen post yet, but I’ve seen photos of in the streets protesting for a ceasefire) right now, and in a lot of cases I’m leaning towards drop so you may see me drop more and more people as time goes on, but I’m gonna keep my eyes on stuff and see how it continues to go.

That being said, I got your anon about who we’re discussing and... yeah, so I kinda already have dropped her and decided to only post her when my friends tag me in stuff of hers for a variety of reasons (including realizing the sheer amount of vocal transphobes she follows and engages with, and not being able to think of a single time she has positively discussed the trans community) until I 100% decide how I feel about her - it may even end up being a 100% no reblog situation, we'll see after I sort out my feelings. But she did post in October, and I’ll put that post that IG story under the read more. I’ll be completely honest though, I wouldn’t expect any future posts from her, and between her closest friends politics / posts on the matter and what I know about the area she grew up in (because I have family who lives in the same town), I’m not sure we’d like any posts she’d make if she did decide to post about Palestine. Like it sucked dropping someone I was following/loved like a decade, but I'm trusting my gut on this one you know? Would rather listen to it and get proven wrong, than not and be proven right in this situation, personally 💕

Image Link (because I can't readmore it ??? yikes tumblr)

[foxgloveinspace]

i started working on my Dinotopia fic again last night, started over bassically, cause I hated everything about what I had already written (which was only like 250 words maybe? i think, so not the end of the world really), but my dad just randomly decided to watch it this evening... huh.

[chaosandmarigolds]

Simon Riley! Who technically had the ring picked out as soon as he started babysitting Oliver

Simon Riley! Who nearly jumped out of his skin when you came in from getting the mail with the box from his grandmother, that contained said ring

Simon Riley! Who spent the last two and half years of dating perfectly planning the moment, even had plans B and C on backburner

Simon Riley! who told johnny about the plan and his buddy happily volunteered to take photos (he tried to talk him out of it he swears it)

Simon Riley! Who even asked your son if it would be okay to marry you (the answer was yes duh)

Simon Riley! Who knew knew it would all go perfectly, after all with all that planning-

"Olly said you want to be his dad."

The sound of your voice that would normally send peace and a sense of warmth through him caused his blood to run cold and he slowly turns from where he was currently working on building a dog house (a puppy is what you and he chose to get Olly for his fourth birthday), he looks up at you as you stood on the porch, a confused look upon your face and arms crossed. He had to play this cool, he could do this- "Whaaat?" Shit. "Now why would the lad-"

"Simon."

"Yes, mam."

You walk over to him where he stood in the backyard and you hum, "You get four seconds to tell me why my little boy is getting his hopes up about having a dad again, when you know full well-"

"I'm going to marry you."

To be honest, you were a little taken back, Simon had never seemed like the marrying type and you had spent the last two years trying to convince yourself you were alright with that. So you gulp down and look up at him, "You...what?"

"I have-Fuck- a plan, I have a plan and it was goin to be like tho' movies you make me watch tha' I hate- was gonna make it nice but-I'm goin to marry you an' I wan'a make sure Olly is alright with it."

There came the silence and you bite back the largest smile you swore you would ever have, "Y...you wanna marry me?"

"More than I want to breathe."

"Oh, then I guess I better say yes so you don't die, huh?" Your words were to distract yourself from crying and you pull him down for a brief kiss, "I still want the pretty proposal and the getting down on one knee."

Simon, who reasonably was a bit confused, blinked and then meets your gaze, his hands going to yours, "Are you sayin' Yes?" When he saw your nod he happily moved his hand to your waist and pulled you closer, pressing a kiss to your forehead, "You'll get your pretty proposal, the flowers, and the photos, and I'll make it perfect, love, I'll make it perfect."

Here's what Johnny's photos looked like BTW (he tried)

[spite-and-waffles]

(alt included)

Link to Video. (Please help Panda make money.)

Video description and transcript under the cut.

Description: TikTok video by The Panda Redd. Re-enactment of final scene of Under the Hood. All roles played by Panda (a tall, well-built young white man with a mohawk, wearing a grey hoodie). Setting is a dark basement lit only by a hanging light bulb.

Transcript.

Jason: (holding gun on Bruce) "Bruce, I forgive you for not saving me."

Batman: (glares silently)

Jason: "But why? Why on God's Earth—" (hits Joker across the face)

Joker (tied to a chair): *cackles*

Jason: "—is HE still alive??"

Joker: "AHAHAHAHAHHAHA!"

Batman:

Batman: "I'm sorry, d'you want me to be serious here or—?"

Jason: (in disbelief) "YES, Bruce! I want you to be serious right now! If he had done what he did to me to you, I would've done nothing but search the earth for this pile of death-worshiping garbage!"

Joker: "I love you too, Sugar Plum."

Batman: (holds hands up) "Okay, yeah, I get that, totally, I get that. Um. Have you tried?"

Jason: "Excuse you?"

Batman: "Have you tried to kill him yet?"

Jason: (to Joker) "Is he being serious?"

Joker: (also confused) "I'm gonna be honest with you, Junior. I don't know."

Jason: "Got it. Great." (turns back to Batman) "What the fuck does THAT mean?"

Batman: "Okay, so no, you haven't. Cool. Do it."

Jason:

Jason: (lowers gun) "What."

Batman: "Do it, cap his ass. Shoot him."

Joker: "I'm gonna go with Junior here, and say...what?"

Jason: "You want me to shoot him?"

Batman: "I want someone to shoot him! Give me the gun, I'll do it!"

Jason: (mutters, brain blue screening) "What is going on right now? This should a lot harder than it is."

Batman: "C'mon, son! You decapitated like eleven people three days ago! Fuckin' do it!"

Jason: "There, you happy? Jesus. Was that so hard? All of this time and it was THAT easy!"

Joker: (turns to Jason quizzically) "This has gotta be some sort of test, ri—"

(BANG! Jason fires. Joker lands on the floor lifeless, eyes still open.)

Batman: "I don't know what you're talking about "easy". There's nothing there." (nods at floor)

Jason: "What the fuck is that supposed to—" (looks down at floor where the Joker was lying)

Floor: (is devoid of Joker)

Jason: (stares)

Floor: (continues to be sans anything but carpet)

Jason: "What the fuck?"

Batman: "Yeah."

Jason: "WHAT THE FUCK?"

Batman: "Take as long as you need with this."

Jason: (looking around frantically) "I just shot him! He hit the floor! What the f—"

Floor: (is just vibin')

Jason: "Where the fuck did he go??"

Batman: "See that shit? That shit right there happens every fucking time!"

Jason: "There's not even a blood stain! It's just gone!"

Batman: "Yeah, like two days after you died, I chased him into a helicopter where he got shot like six times. The helicopter exploded and crashed into the ocean. And his body was gone before Superman could find it."

Jason: "Oh my God. I don't understand how this is even fucking possible!"

Batman: "He's like a cryptid! I don't fucking get it!"

Joker: (disembodied laughter) "AHAHAHAHA HAHAHA!"

Jason: (freaked out, turning in circles trying to find him) "Oh my God!"

Batman: "THAT OMINOUS SHIT HAPPENS TOO! I DON'T KNOW, DUDE!"

Jason: "Dude. Fuck whatever's going on here, that's some fucking bullshit."

Batman: "Thank you! Finally someone gets it!"

[globalrebrand]

Thinking about this post by @jymwahuwu....what about Capitano with a darling who wouldn't even tell him she's pregnant in the first place?

Warnings: Pregnancy, not sfw, angst, mentions of abortion

Capitano inquires about your recent doctors visit and you just shrug off his concern. Insisting it was just “a mild flu" and “I'll be better soon.” Never one to pry he doesn't push you for more details, even if your marriage is unconventional, he trusts that you would be honest with him considering he's never done anything to make you mistrustful of him. As far as he knows.

Your husband considers going over your head to confirm your condition with the doctor, but he knows that would only upset you. And regardless you’d bribed the doctor with your allowance to keep your pregnancy a secret.

You tell only your trusted ladies maid. Who diligently helps you keep up the ruse, she lets your bodices out and makes sure you don't show in the early months and makes sure you're never offered wine with dinner.

Capitano isn't around enough to notice the small but tell-tale signs that you're expecting, however, for the others who live in the manor it could not be more abundantly clear that you're pregnant.

So imagine his outrage when he hears of your pregnancy, not from your lips as he would have expected, but from one of the maids. It happens late one night when he's in the library reading, trying to find a moment of peace is an endlessly hectic month, while a maid dusts quietly on the upper level. You've made your self scarce recently and begrudgingly Capitano gives you space. Early in your relationship you told him that he was smothering and he accepted the criticism, and they two of you had found a balance, but now you are cold and aloof. You were never one to be vulnerable, and it was precisely a sort of quiet ferocity that you possessed that captivated him, but he was at his wits end. He thought that the two of you were making progress, but he supposes not, the last five months have been a regression. He would need to talk to you soon, the matter has become so distracting that he tunes in to the whispering happening on the upper levels. Another maid has joined the first as they chat languidly about house gossip when the subject turns to you.

"Her ladyship is so fatigued as of late. I'm not used to her being so torpid. It's disheartening." The first maid whispers almost imperceptibly, her words laced with worry.

Capitano stops focusing on his book entirely. They speak quickly and almost inaudibly quiet in their native Snezhnayan tongue, but his keen ears are able to focus perfectly on the conversation.

"Don't worry, I was the same way with my first, energy always came in bursts, though it left almost as quickly as it came." The other maid, older and a mother herself tries to assuage her colleague. "Poor dear, it only gets worse from this point." She sighs.

Confusion twists Capitano's features. He has in inkling of what the maids could be referring to, but if its as he expects he will be utterly irate that you did not tell him. He needs to hear them say it. Say the word and confirm his suspicions.

"Pregnancy sounds so scary. Ah, I still can't believe she hasn't told his Lordship."

"Oh, that I don’t understand at all, my husband would be furious ."

"Indeed." Capitano says aloud, shutting his book with a violent snap and storming out of the library.

He hears the maids gasp before leaving. Both clearly forgot about his presence. Another unexpected symptom of your influence, the staff have become entirely too comfortable.

Capitano ascends the stairs to your shared chambers. You should be getting ready for bed at about this hour and indeed he finds you in your shared bedroom. When he pushes the door open you startle, stopping in your tracks as you cross the room, but you quickly recompose yourself. This lie you've protracted has likely left you completely on edge.

A fire rumbles behind you in the hearth and your nightgown while not normally so visibly transparent became sheer in the light, it was subtle, but your silhouette against the firelight revealed the slightest protrusion of your midsection. You follow his gaze and turn away from him, without so much as a word.

For five months you’ve hardly let him see you naked not to mention you rejected all his attempts to initiate sex for the past three.

If you apprehend the hostility radiating off your husband, you do not acknowledge it. You were surprisingly stubborn and endlessly poised, keeping your cards quite close to your chest until it was time to play your hand. It would likely upset you but he would force you to show your hand, he'd been far too accommodating of your deceit.

You open your mouth to speak but Capitano wants none of your deflections.

"Pregnant? He questions. His tone, assured and firm. No room for argument, but Capitano can tell from your expression that your're willing to try it anyways.

The audacity that you would give him an incredulous look only incenses him further. He has to wonder why you are working so hard to hide your pregnancy from him.

Unless....it wasn't his.

No. You were many infuriating things, but you weren't disloyal...at least he thought.

"What? No--" His anger surges along with another dagger into his heart. Now he knows you’re lying. Or at least attempting to, but Capitano is having none of it. He has never lied to you. How could you so easily try to deceive him? It was dishonorable at best and a betrayal at worst.

"Don't you dare try to lie to me. The maids have already confirmed as much." He bats away your rebuttal with a terse reply.

As you come to realize the gravity of the situation, of your husbands rage, all color drains from your expression. The look of terror that paralyzes your features is out of place. As long as he you have been his wife, you have never even pretended to fear him. It is one of the qualities he admired about you. Now your wide frightful eyes and rigid frame are making him lose his nerve in the confrontation. An incredibly rare occurrence, the last thing Capitano ever wanted was for you to be afraid of him. However you had crossed a line, you had lied and actively misled him about a matter most important to you both.

"You didn't think to tell me?” He questions, the words curt and cruel.

"Well there's nothing you can do about it now." You reply, your tone defensive and your hackles raised. “It’s too late to….to do anything. The baby is coming.”

"Is it mine?" He questions, unfeeling and entirely unprepared for a negative answer.

"… how fucking dare you." You turn around to curse at him and Capitano is taken aback. He thought your eyes couldn't get any wider.

"Of course it is!" You cry, your expression equal parts outrage and hurt.

"Then why did you hide from me!" He matches your anger, raising his voice and stepping closer as you try to sidestep and evade him. The tightly controlled anger he bottled now sparking and bursting.

"I needed time to prepare." You implore exasperated as if Capitano should have understood your machinations perfectly.

"For what?!" He shouts.

"What if you didn't want it?!" You yell back. No tears have spilled but your eyes are wet and your face feels hot.

Capitano narrows his eyes at you, looking down on your defiant posture equal parts terrified and indignant. Then it all comes into focus.

You want this baby and you...thought he would make you get rid of it. With a gasping sob, you speak up again, your emotions now starting to get the better of you.

"What if you didn't want it....then what would I do?"

As intimate as you two have become in the past half year, Capitano remembers that you are both essentially strangers in many ways.

"Never assume my thoughts." He scolds, his tone terse but with much less bark. He closes the space between you, reaching out a tentative hand to you. Capitano is heartened when you take his hand, slender fingers curling around his broad palm. He begins to relax, but his rage has not subsided fully.

"You think I wouldn't want this child?" He questions, his voice much softer, but a slight resentment still colors his words.

"I didn't know what to think and I-I needed time." You replied, rubbing your tears away with your opposite hand. This is the first time he's seen you like this, so vulnerable. Capitano can't confidently say if he'd ever seen your cry before.

“Time for what?” Capitano urges you for more details. Your reasoning still alludes him. He would have gladly helped with any and all preparations for the baby. Seeing how things unfolded he regrets not being more forthcoming with his thoughts about having a child with you.

“To get a plan in place. If you told me to get rid of it.” Capitano can't even concieve of what you could mean. Would you attempt to leave him? Surely you weren't thinking something so idiotic, but he attempts to reserve judgement when he asks, "what would you have done?"

"Run away." You confess quietly, but Capitano only scoffs and rolls his eyes. The idea is preposterous. You will never leave him, Marriage is a bond that should be upheld and besides he is far too attached for you to leave now.

"I would never allow such a thing. You must honor the vows you made to me." Your husband asserts.

"I would still try. For my baby I-" You insist.

"Our baby." Capitano corrects. You pause, your tears dry and breathing calmed.

"I will not allow the child to inconvenience you." You plead, bringing a hand to his chest and searching his eyes, desperate for validation that he wants what you want. That he wants this child growing inside of you.

"No child of ours could ever be a burden to me." Your shoulders drop with relief and Capitano encircles you with his broad arms.

"You honor me most highly, by having my child." Capitano pauses before continuing, "and our child is already blessed to have a mother who would protect them so fiercely."

"You're not angry?" You question, shocked by his benevolence.

"Oh, I'm livid, but not about the child. At that news, I am delighted."

"I'm sorry," you whisper his name and nuzzle into his chest. "I just couldn't face your rejection. Not with this." You clarify and Capitano begins to see your perspective.

A child changes many dynamics in a romantic partnership and though the two of you seemed relatively stable in your young marriage. He can understand how your fear of his rejection would prevent you from being forthcoming. Especially with a matter so sensitive. Not that even remotely agrees with your actions.

"Is this why you have shied away from me these past month. Why you wouldn't let me touch you?"

You nodded.

Capitano picked you up and laid you on the bed, pushing your night gown up and spreading you legs. He licked his thumb and immediately began to caress your clit.

"You will not hide yourself from me in the future. I must know your thoughts."

You shuddered at the contact.

"Then you must do the same.” You demanded. Capitano could only smile at your gall, to be beneath him legs spread, pussy exposed and still you make demands of him.

"Behave this evening, sufficiently demonstrate your contrition, renew your devotion to me and I will give you anything you ask for." You consider his words before agreeing.

You nod again.

“Say yes husband.” Capitano requests with a raised brow.

"Yes, husband." A rare act of obedience. It suits you well.

Good. Capitano thinks. "I'm glad the terms are agreeable to you." He says lowering himself briefly to press a kiss to your lips, one much deeper and needier than any shared in recent months. Archons, how he's missed being with you like this.

Reluctantly Capitano parts from you and begins to undress himself, one hand working the buttons of his shirt while the other remains steadfast teasing your sex.

"You can start your penance by tending to me as I lick your cunt." Capitano’s smile grows wider as you shiver at his words, clearly aroused an eager. Despite the small pout that lingers on your lips. He heard that the libido of pregnant women was often more intense. You stubborn thing, denying yourself what you so clearly want. It is good that Capitano is in a forgiving mood. Your husband helps you out of your nightdress before laying beside you. He helps guide your hips to his face and keeps a guiding hand on your neck as he leads you to where he aches most. Capitano presses his nose to your dripping sex and inhales deeply. "It's been far too long since we last did this." He all but groans, and despite everything that’s transpired this evening, you're inclined to agree.

[delulujuls]

testcam.mp4 | ln4, op81

hi, im coming back with another f1 shot! as i said, i will still write for my fast bois, so here i am, making my words and serving another landoscar. it is, oh my, intense. so please, if you are a minor, do not interact!

summary: oscar decided to follow in lando's footsteps and also set up a video account on instagram. however, as we all know, practice makes perfect and luckily he had willing models nearby

warnings: smut! p in v, oral (male and female receiving), two boys kissing (im sorry), no protection (dont be like them, use that damn rubber)

pairing: fem!mclaren driver reader x oscar piastri x lando norris

"Y/N, look at me," the girl sighed and lifted her gaze from her phone, looking towards Oscar, who was sitting on the opposite side of the room. "The camera definitely caught that sigh, I'm sure."

"Is this another idea from the PR people?"

"No, actually, it's not," Oscar replied, still squinting through the camera, trying to manually focus it on his friend's face. "To be honest, it was Lando's idea."

"Lando's idea?" she furrowed her brow. "Since when you thought that Lando's ideas are worth following?"

"Since he started that Instagram account, where he posts photos and short videos," Oscar said, moving the camera away from his face and clicking a setting button. "People really liked it, so I thought I might give it a try too."

Y/N snorted and smiled, shaking her head. "Does he know about it?"

Oscar was about to answer when Lando walked into the room, as if he had been summoned.

"Know about what?" he asked, having caught the tail end of their conversation before entering.

"About how," "Your ego might not handle this," Y/N interrupted Piastri, who still held the camera, looking up at Lando. "About how I thought I might start doing some amateur photography and filming too."

Lando smiled. "Like 'lando.jpg' and 'lando.mov'?"

The Australian just nodded. "Except I don't know how I'll do yet, I just got the camera today."

Norris sat down next to him and immediately engaged in the conversation. Knowing she wouldn't get a chance to talk to them for the next hour, Y/N decided to go for lunch early, leaving the boys on their own.

"But I see you've already recorded something," Lando commented, quickly browsing the camera and looking at the saved files. "Can I?"

Oscar nodded. "It's just Y/N, the first footage right after unboxing."

Norris smiled, watching their friend's long eyelashes brush her cheeks before she looked up from her phone when called by Oscar. Piastri also glanced at the small screen, where the girl's face appeared for a few seconds.

"She's pretty," Lando stated, an idea forming in his mind. "You could practice using the camera on her."

Oscar furrowed his brow and looked at his friend's face. "I'm not sure what you mean."

The Brit smiled and bit his lip, giving him a meaningful look. It took Oscar a moment to connect the dots.

"Are you crazy? That's absurd!"

"If you don't want to, I can ask her," Lando replied, shrugging and handing the camera back to him. "I could use some more practice too."

When Y/N finished her lunch, she had media duties to attend to, joined shortly by Lando and Oscar. As dusk fell and all the necessary materials were recorded, the trio left McLaren's headquarters. Y/N and Lando were supposed to stay at a hotel, but Oscar invited them to stay at his place during their time in Woking.

"Shall we order something to eat?" Lando asked as Oscar drove into the underground parking after an hour-long drive.

"I'm all for it, I'm starving," the Aussie admitted, and Y/N, sitting in the front, nodded too. "I call dibs on the bathroom first, and you guys can order something in the meantime. I can eat anything."

She added, getting out of the car. When they were inside Oscar's apartment and Y/N had disappeared into the bathroom, Lando gave his friend a knowing look.

"What?" Piastri furrowed his brow, placing his backpack on the counter and unpacking it.

"You know what," Lando replied, smiling. The Aussie shook his head.

"You can ask her, but I doubt she'll agree," he said quietly, emptying his backpack. "We barely, you know, damn-" Piastri started to stammer, losing his train of thought. Thinking about Lando's suggestion made him blush. The older boy laughed, wrapping an arm around him and kissing his cheek. Oscar was adorable when he got embarrassed.

Piastri sighed and looked up at his friend. His amused gaze was captivating, his smile hidden by biting his lip.

"This isn't funny, Lan," Oscar muttered, though the corner of his mouth twitched upwards.

"It is, actually," Norris murmured, pulling him close and kissing him, before moving to sit on the couch. Soon, all three were on the couch, eating fried noodles with chicken and vegetables. They wore loose shirts, their hair still wet from their showers, and watched a lighthearted series they had chosen a few days ago.

When they finished eating and the episode ended, Lando stretched and glanced at Oscar.

"So, Osc, did you manage to record anything today?"

Y/N also looked at her friend, who just shook his head.

"Just a few seconds of Y/N, nothing more."

"I thought you deleted that," the girl said, standing to get a drink from the kitchen. She picked up the camera from the counter and, sitting back on the couch, opened it and turned it on. Lando leaned in, resting his chin on her shoulder, looking at the small screen, where a familiar figure soon appeared.

"You look nice," Lando said softly, smiling. "The camera likes you."

The girl smiled, hearing her own sigh in response to Oscar's request to look his way.

"It did catch it," she glanced at her friend, who was sitting nearby, finishing his food.

When the short recording ended, she absentmindedly pressed the red record button and, glancing at the display, pointed the lens at Oscar.

"The worst possible moment," he said with his mouth full, looking at his friends with mock exasperation.

"What a handsome guy, just look at him," Lando smiled as she focused on zooming in on the noodle box in his hands.

"How do you rate our dinner?" Y/N asked, smiling.

Oscar picked the remaining noodles from the box and shoved them into his mouth, nodding appreciatively.

"Much better than what you can get at the company," he replied, placing the empty box on the table and grabbing an open can of Sprite.

"And what about dessert?" she asked, looking up from the camera and into his eyes. Oscar nearly choked, and Lando, if he'd had something to drink, would likely have spat it out.

"Dessert?" The boys asked almost simultaneously, glancing at each other, then at their friend.

"Mhm," Y/N replied and looked at Lando, signaling with her head for him to sit next to Oscar. He obediently moved and sat beside him, placing his hand on the back of the couch. "Here they are, my lovely boys."

"Yes, that's us," Lando said, glancing at Oscar. "In the flesh," Piastri added, looking back at him. The friends exchanged looks. It went much smoother than they expected.

"A little show? The camera doesn't like boredom," Y/N encouraged, resting her legs on the table and moving the zoom out a bit.

"If you're okay with it, of course," she added, looking up from the camera and at them. Lando gave Oscar a questioning look, and he just shrugged. "I don't mind."

Norris smiled, weaving the hand that lay just behind his head into his hair and kissing him. Oscar immediately returned the kiss and touched his cheek. Y/N smiled, zooming in on their faces. She bit her lip, feeling the heat rise within her.

"Actually, it's my camera," Oscar said after a few minutes, as Lando's kisses trailed down his neck. "And I think I should practice with it too."

“Of course, it’s even recommended,” the girl smiled and stood up, handing him the camera. Lando also got up from the couch and easily lifted his friend, carrying her over his shoulder to the bedroom.

“You’re so cheeky!” the girl shouted, hitting him on the butt. “I hope you’re recording this violence,” Y/N made sure, lifting her head and glancing at Oscar walking behind them. “I’ve got it all, and in HD too.”

In the bedroom, Lando laid the girl on the bed, and she immediately pulled him towards her. He laughed, placing his hands on either side of her head and easily finding her lips. Piastri stood to the side, feeling hotter by the second. Just like the little red dot on the screen indicated the camera was working, his arousal was evident in his too-tight boxers. He couldn’t lie; he liked what he was seeing. When Lando moved aside to remove the girl’s shirt and his lips immediately attacked her breasts, she looked at Oscar and extended her hand towards him.

“Join the party, baby,” Piastri swallowed hard and obediently approached the edge of the bed. His friend’s hand moved along his thigh until it found the bulge in his pants. Y/N smiled and squeezed it, massaging for a moment. When Lando disappeared between her thighs, she propped herself on her elbow and easily slid Oscar’s sweatpants and boxers off. She looked straight into the camera lens and licked his entire length, sending shivers through his spine.

Piastri could barely stand when she took him into her mouth. He watched on the small camera screen as her lips moved up and down on him, leaving an increasingly wet trail. She moaned softly, glancing involuntarily towards Lando. When Oscar pointed the camera at him, the Brit smiled and winked. His tongue was still working between the girl’s thighs, and the finger he had added earlier was rhythmically moving inside her, eliciting soft, pleasant moans.

“Do you like what you see?” she asked, looking dreamily over the lens at her friend’s face. Oscar nodded and licked his lips. The whole situation was incredibly arousing for him. Not just for him; Y/N didn’t need much to come on Lando’s tongue shortly after.

“Give it to me, now it’s my turn,” Norris commanded, standing up and getting off the bed. “Lie down.”

Without stopping the recording, Oscar obediently handed him the camera. The girl smiled and grabbed the Aussies’s hand, pulling him towards her. Piastri fell onto the pillows and couldn’t even speak before his friend climbed onto his lap and kissed him tenderly. Oscar sighed into her mouth, squeezing her thighs with his hands.

Lando smiled at the sight before him, holding the camera in one hand and skillfully freeing himself from his sweatpants with the other. He spat on his hand and spread the saliva over his cock, starting to stroke it. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t lie about not liking the whole situation.

The three friends were friends only in a technical sense. To the people they worked with daily, to the fans, and really to everyone around them, they were just three drivers who ended up at McLaren and became the faces of the brand, becoming friends in the process. That was all true, but they weren’t just friends. Friends don’t know how you taste. Right?

“That’s right, baby,” Lando smiled, hearing the girl choke as she tried to take all of Oscar's lenght into her mouth. “And again, take him all.”

Y/N sniffed, trying to catch her breath. Oscar raised his hand to gently brush her hair from her face, but Lando tightened his grip on it and forced the girl to take his cock back into her mouth. Oscar moaned deeply, his eyes rolling back involuntarily. He bit his lip, trying to hold back another moan, and looked up at his friends. He felt embarrassed when he noticed the camera in Lando’s hand, having momentarily forgotten about it.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of,” the older boy assured, one hand still guiding the girl’s head and the other directing the camera at his friend’s face. “Fuck, you look so good right now.”

“Mm-hmm,” the girl nodded, smiling and looking up at him. “Pretty boy Piastri.”

“It’s a shame to cover such a face,” Lando admitted, slapping girl's ass cheek. “Come on, sit on his face.”

Oscar blushed at his boldness, causing the girl to giggle softly. Y/N pulled herself up and kissed his cheeks, finally kissing him deeply on the lips.

“Tell me if something’s wrong-” her sentence was interrupted by a sudden moan that escaped her lips. As soon as her pussy was above Oscar’s head, he grabbed her thighs and pulled her to him, immediately sucking on her clit. “Oh my God,”

The girl leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. Oscar’s hair fell messily over his forehead, his arms tightly embracing his friend’s thighs, his tongue tracing rhythmic figure-eights, and his brown, misty eyes looking up at her curves.

“He’s in love,” Lando smiled, climbing onto the bed and standing behind the girl, filming Oscar’s face from her point of view. “How does she taste, Osc?”

“Fucking delicious,” he murmured, running his tongue along her entire pussy, causing her to moan. When the girl threw her head back at the sudden sensation of pleasure, she looked straight into the camera. Lando stood next to his friend and smiled at the sight of her blissful face.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” he bit his lip, touching her cheek and gently brushing it with his thumb. Y/N nodded and, seeing his painfully erect cock, immediately took it into her mouth.

Lando cursed softly under his breath, tucking her hair behind her shoulders.

“That’s right, just like that, baby,” he praised, glancing at her face this time from behind the camera. “Such a good girl.”

“You’re taking this way too seriously, Lan,” Oscar called out from between the girl’s thighs, causing her to giggle softly.

“Not funny,” the Brit murmured and moved away to the girl’s disappointment. He lay down next to Oscar and gestured for his friend to sit on him. Y/N carefully slid off Oscar’s face, which was now even redder than before. She took the designated spot and slowly slid his cock inside her, both of them reacting with a sigh. Lando held the camera in one hand, his other hand on the girl’s hip, guiding her movements. But his hand wasn’t the only one; a moment later, another pair of hands appeared on Y/N’s waist. Oscar knelt right behind his friend, gathering her hair over her shoulder and planting wet kisses on her neck. He held her hips, setting the right rhythm. The girl braced herself on Lando’s stomach with one hand, the other tangled in Oscar’s hair.

She almost completely forgot that Lando was holding a camera.

Norris also forgot about it and shortly after, when the camera started disturbing him, he placed it on the nightstand, focusing all his attention on the two most important people in his life.

“You are so good for him,” Oscar cooed right into her ear, one hand massaging her clit and the other guiding her movements. “Just look at him.”

“I can hear you, Osc,” the older boy noted, his eyes closed. His hands still guided the girl’s hips, his own movements setting the pace. He felt pleasure spreading through his entire body, warming it.

After a while, Lando, feeling he was close to orgasm, humbly withdrew from the girl’s hot, tight interior. Y/N lay on top of him, pressing him into the mattress and finding his lips again.

Oscar spat on his cock, spreading the saliva with his hand. He moved closer to the girl and grabbed her hip, slowly sliding into her.

Y/N moaned loudly into Lando’s mouth at the sudden sensation. He smiled, “Does he feel good, baby? Filling you up so well?”

“Mm-hmm, yes- oh my God,”

The girl clenched the sheets in her fists and involuntarily closed her eyes, throwing her head back. Oscar smiled and grabbed her hair, pulling her towards him and locking their lips in a kiss.

Their lips couldn’t keep up with the kisses, hungry hands grabbing at every piece of flesh. Moans mingled in a love cocktail that filled the stuffy bedroom walls.

After a while, the three of them collapsed exhausted on the pillows. Their breaths were quickened, cheeks flushed, and bodies covered in sweat. Oscar and Lando lay on the girl’s stomach, and she lazily ran her fingers through their tousled hair. She smiled at the sight before her and reached to turn off the night lamp when she saw that the camera on the nightstand was still pulsing with a red light.

“Of course, you didn’t turn it off,” the girl giggled, reaching for the camera.

“I completely forgot,” Lando admitted, looking at his friend. “Then we’ve got some really hot footage,” he chuckled.

“I’m not sure I want to watch it,” Oscar admitted, closing his eyes.

“The camera test was definitely successful,” she smiled, closing it and setting it aside.

[bunnys-kisses]

hear that thump? i can't get enough.

lando norris

cw: smut/pwp, seduction, unprotected sex, the reader seduces lando, zak brown's daughter!reader, dirty talk, missionary position, pregnancy

this bunny runs on comments and reblogs! feed the rabbit!! *thumps foot*

this felt wrong. but in the world of formula one, wrong didn't always mean bad. or at least that was what you were trying to convince yourself as you got ready.

you got on the sheer stockings and the pearl necklace that you had gotten as gift. you made sure your hair was perfect, everything was in place. you had actually redone your make-up twice because you hated how it looked. everything had to be perfect for tonight.

you believed it was the night that would save mclaren.

another look in the mirror, you tried not to hyper focus on perceived flaws. you exhaled deeply, you were getting into your head. you placed your hands on your hips and examined yourself from all angles. you sighed, "he's not going to care, he's a guy your age. they only care about one thing."

yet, you worried.

you felt responsible for helping your father, zak brown, keep his driver's for the 2025 season. especially one in particular, lando norris. there was an uneasiness under the surface, while the tabloids and rumor reddits hadn't caught wind of it yet. you could tell that lando was looking away from mclaren.

and you knew that your father wanted to keep him in that driver's seat for the team. so as you got yourself ready for a dinner with lando, you felt the hammer in your chest. you looked in the full length mirror in your bedroom before you grabbed your purse and headed to the uber outside of your apartment.

lando was waiting outside the resturant for you, one hand in his pocket and the other on his phone as he tried to keep himself busy. you felt a hammering in your chest. tonight was simple, seduce lando norris.

"lando!" you chirped as you walked towards him. your heels clapped against the concrete under you. your arms open in a friendly manner. he looked up and beamed at you. you embraced him tightly, he returned it and even picked you up a little.

"there she is, oh wow. i haven't seen you in forever!" he laughed.

you smiled at him and placed a hand on his bicep, "i saw you you like three months ago! i have been busy with university."

he chuckled, "i know, i know. i'm pretty sure you had to squeeze in getting dinner with me."

you replied, "lando, you're more than worth it. i'll clear a whole day if i had to." then you took him by the hand, "come on, let's eat." the place was beautiful with the food prepared in a way that screamed expensive.

you sat across from him and laughed at all his stories. you could tell that he was enjoying the attention. the smiles, the food, the bit of liquor. he even complimented your laugh when one of his jokes really landed and you got a little louder than normal.

"lando. can you be honest with me?"

"anything."

you pouted a little as you leaned a little bit forward. the low light of the restaurant caught the colour of your eyes perfectly. the way you sat gave him an ample view of your cleavage. you asked softly, "you're not leaving mclaren, are you?"

"no.. i mean... no, no." lando seemed a little nervous answering.

you replied, "good. because i'd hate to see you go. i like our time together and well, i was hoping we'd have more time." you gave a soft smile, "you always were my favorite." then your eyes cast down to you half finished meal.

the sight of you, you almost looked vulnerable. sweet and soft, the kind of woman that lando wanted on his cock. he knew it was wrong, fucking the boss' daughter. but you were both adults. and your sweet words of praise only enticed him, made blood rush to his cheeks. colouring him pink.

you poked at the piece of pepper on your plate as you sighed, "don't leave me, lando. promise?"

he shifted in his seat and nodded dumbly. hook, line and sinker. he replied, "of course, i'd never leave you. who even told you i was thinking about it? because i wasn't."

you shrugged, "you know what rumours are like. hard to tell fact from fiction."

lando placed his arm across the table, palm up so you could hold his hand. delicately you placed your hand in his. he gave it a firm squeeze. not enough to cause damage, but to reassure you.

he said, "don't worry, beautiful. i'm not going anywhere. plus, i think i look a lot nicer in orange." he chuckled. any correspondence he had with the likes of alpine slipped out of his mind and replaced with thoughts of your beautiful smile and soft curves. alpine was nice, but the softness of your pussy was even better.

you ended up back at his place, he drove you both him with his hand on your thigh. every so often you caught him catching a glimpse at you.

"if you're worried about my father finding out. don't worry, he's not an over protective monster. if anything he'd be happy that one of his boys is taking such good care of me." you said.

"right, right. i just keep thinking that this is all a dream and i'm going to wake up with a mess in my boxers." he gave your thigh another squeeze as he went into the parking garage of the building he lived in.

his lips were on yours once you were in the elevator. he had you pressed against the mirrored glass with your thigh up against his waist and his fingers pushing the bottom of your dress skirt. his kisses were hungry, like a man on a mission.

and it made you run hot, this was better than expected. it seemed almost too easy, but you were happy that you got confirmation out of him that he was going nowhere.

you giggled against his lips, tasting the fine dining on them. when the elevator opened to his floor. he took you by the hand and led you out. once in his apartment, you pressed up against the side of the couch with the man's lips on you once more.

"you're something else, miss brown." he chuckled as his lips at your pulse point. he could feel your rapid heartbeat, his hands at your middle, feeling you up.

"and you're boring, mister norris?"

lando pulled away and grinned at you, "of course not. i just never thought someone like you would end up with a driver."

you laughed, "and what, let all the grid bunnies have fun? be for real!" you tried to get the zipper of the dress undone, but lando took over. he watched you undress once the zipper was pulled down.

you looked beautiful in the nude colour underwear you wore. you skin looked softer in the gentle lighting of the living room. you crossed your arms a little, a little embarrassed by your lack of clothes.

but lando took your arms away and said, "hey, nothing to be ashamed about. you're beautiful." then he started to undress as well. before it could go any further, he led you to the bedroom.

you practically bounced on the bed as you got onto it. and lando was quick to get the sheer tights off of you. his hands lingered around you left calf, giving it a squeeze which made you heart race.

you got out of your bra while he got out of his slacks. you swallowed harshly when you heard the jangle of his belt buckle. the heavy metal made you hot.

both of you were undressed and lando had you laid out on the bed. he wanted to look at you while you fucked. the intensity of the need for you made his brain run in circles. he got between your legs on the bed, his cock yearned for the softness of your wet pussy. he felt his heart skip when he dragged his hand up and down his length in anticipation.

you smiled at you, "lookin' good, norris."

he licked his lips, "of course, only for you." then guided his cock into you. he tensed up for a moment at the warmth, but soon relaxed once he got himself inside of you. heat flooded his cheeks further and the stagger in his heart gripped him.

"you look very handsome, lando. were you hoping you were going to get laid tonight."

he replied, "no, no. i just wanted to dress to impress you." he felt the twist in his gut at the sight of you. you looked so beautiful under him. as you pushed hair out of your face and felt him start to move. your mouth opened a little to moan.

you hid your face for a moment and smiled against your wrist, "well, i wanted the same. i just got so worried that you were halfway out the door with the team."

he moved against you, his cock touching some of your most sensitive areas. he hunched over you and groaned heavily. he was a loud one in the bedroom. he licked his lips as he gazed at your perfect form. he said, "i..i thought about it. ya know what it's like. it feels like everyone is dangling something in front of me. but, not you."

you hid your face a little more. while most were danging cars and money in front of lando's face. you were nude under him in his bedroom. as the bed squeaked under you.

"of course not, lando." you giggled, covering up your lie, "you know i'd still hold you very dear even if you went to another team." you gave him the sweetest look you could give him and it made him grin.

a little white lie wouldn't kill lando. not for the sake of the team. plus, his sweet noises only made warmth pool in your gut as he thrusted his hips.

you reached for him and wrapped your arms around his shoulders. his face was up against your neck as you two moved in sync with one another. there was a fire burning in you. you cunt felt full in the best was possible.

"you feel like a dream." he admitted.

"and you feel just as nice." you said with suck softness. your little plan was working. you were winding lando up between your fingers. he wouldn't be going far after this.

you two kissed once more, it was less feverish. you felt the pleasure seep through your blood. you felt hot all over and your back felt sweaty against the navy blue sheets. you held onto his hair and softly scratched at his scalp, he moaned lazily into the kiss.

when he pulled away, he really started to work at your pussy. both of you were loud in the privacy of the his apartment. you held onto him tighter and you could hear his sweet praise.

"you're so fuckin' beautiful. i don't know why we didn't take the chance sooner. you look so good under me. the perfect girl. i was stupid for not seeing it sooner, like when we met. fuck. i need you, i want you."

lando's words were honey on your brain. you scratched into his shoulders as he continued to rut against you. your bodies moved in a quick yet steady rhythm. all building to the climax.

even in the depths of immense pleasure, you were patting yourself on the back for getting lando so pussy drunk that he was willing to stay with your father's team. you had concluded that you were a good seductress.

"lando."

"i know. i know. it all feels so good." he panted.

a few more heavy strokes of his cock and you were pulling him into a searing kiss. your legs locked around his waist. the kiss was messy and made a heat run through him. fuck, you felt amazing. you came with his cock stuffed into you and it was a head rush for you.

your heart hammered in your chest as you felt euphoria. lando took it as a chance to continue to drill his cock into you. his words were loose and messy, praise for you. it warmed you even more. he was close behind you and with his own climax it took the wind out of him. when he stopped thrusting, he got down beside you.

he was face planted into the soft covers of his bed, his cock throbbed and drooled a little bit of leftover cum. you chuckled at the sight and rolled over onto your stomach as well to throw an arm over his sweaty back.

you pulled him in for a kiss on the face and he made a sweet noise. he felt perfect and you felt achy in all the right ways. you thought that you had convinced him not to leave mclaren. to stay with the team and stay with you.

-

it turned out that it took more than one night to convince lando to stay. over the course of the summer break, he was constantly at your apartment. your little mission was a success but, also a failure.

a failure in the way that the birth control pill had a failure rate of 7%. lando stayed with mclaren, even signed a nice multi-year contract. it was hard to look at other teams when he was coming home to his beautiful future wife.

while it was a shocker to everyone, the news almost made your father break a blood vessel, it made sense. you two were around the same age, in the same circles. of course, lando norris was going to get you pregnant. but, it was worth it. the team was saved!

"i can feel him kicking." lando said softly.

except now you had a clingy fiance who was currently pressed up against your belly. his large hand across your middle as he practically melted. you had come to the conclusion that you sucked at the art of seduction, and that maybe your line of work should be a little different than trying to make deals with drivers under the table.

because most seductresses didn't end up very pregnant with a future formula one prodigy within a year.

[matchingbatbites]

Happy Valentine's, all. <3

Eddie doesn't want to be making this call. Literally the last thing he wants to be doing is making this specific phone call, but he'll be damned if he lets his asshole of a roommate get away with this.

After a moment the ringing stops, and a voice says "Hello?"

"Uh, hi, is this Steve?"

"It is, who is this?"

"It's Eddie, Jake's roommate? I got your number from him." Well, from his phone when he'd left it unattended one day, but Steve doesn't need to know the details. "I really, really hate to be making this call, especially the day before Valentine's, but uh. Jake is cheating on you."

The line is silent for a moment before he hears a weak "What?"

Eddie's eyes squeeze shut at the heartbreak he can hear in that single word. He hates that he's doing this, but knows it needs to be done, for Steve's sake.

"I got home from work not too long ago, and heard him with some girl in his room. I took a video, if you want proof, but I just- I thought you deserved to know."

There's a bit of shuffling on Steve's end, along with a soft sniffle. "I, uh. I don't need the video. I believe you. I'm not all that surprised, if I'm honest."

He huffs a laugh, the sound so self-deprecating that it makes Eddie's stomach twist in empathy. "Guess that makes me three-for-three on my long-term partners cheating. I'm starting to wonder what the fuck is wrong with me."

That last part is softer, like Steve was speaking to himself, but Eddie hears it and frowns, because- because Steve is lovely. He can tell that Steve is beautiful inside and out, always kind with just enough sass to make him so fun to be around.

He's always makes sure to talk to Eddie every time he comes over, even if it's just a simple greeting or goodbye, and whenever he cooks at their apartment - because he's a great cook - he always makes enough for Eddie to have some as well.

It feels wrong to hear Steve talk like this, like there's something about him that needs to be fixed. Like his previous partners were right to abuse his love and trust, instead of treating them like the treasures Eddie knows they are.

Before Eddie can speak out to reassure him, the man continues. "Thank you for telling me Eddie. Spending Valentine's alone is gonna suck, but I guess that's better than spending it with someone who doesn't care about me."

"Spend it with me."

Eddie isn't sure where the request comes from, but as soon as it leaves his mouth, it's all he wants.

Steve gives a soft "Huh?" and Eddie repeats it, "Spend it with me. A boy as pretty as you shouldn't be cooped up inside on a day like Valentine's. Let me take you out, try to salvage it for you at least a little."

Steve goes quiet, and for a solid ten seconds, Eddie is sure that he's about to be rejected.

And then Steve says "Jake was supposed to pick me up at 6:30 tomorrow. I'll come by yours at six instead, so I can break up with him before we leave. Is that okay?"

A sigh of relief, and Eddie slumps into the wall behind him. "Sounds perfect, Stevie. Wear something nice, but casual, okay?"

"I can do that. I'll see you tomorrow, Eddie. And thanks again."

Jake comes across Eddie the next evening as he's packing the last of the food into a bag. He's spent the last hour or so getting it ready, making sure it's all perfect even though it's nothing too complicated.

A meat and cheese plate with some fancy crackers, a jar of the pickled asparagus he's recently become addicted to, a bowl of diced fruit and a box of fancy chocolates he'd splurged on.

He'd even dropped money on a bouquet of roses, and he already has a few comfy blankets and pillows packed into the back of the van. Everything perfect and ready to go. When Jake sees his preparations, he lets out a low whistle.

"Wow, Eddie. Trying to impress someone?"

Eddie shrugs, trying to be as nonchalant as possible. "Yep. It's our first date, so I want it to be special. Didn't wanna go the usual, boring, fancy restaurant route."

He's sure that's what Jake had planned for himself and Steve, and it's confirmed by the way his nose wrinkles. "There's nothing wrong with spending money on your date, Eddie. If you have the money to spend, that is."

Jesus Christ, Eddie can't wait to move out of this fucking place, and away from this fucking asswipe.

"Anyway, I've gotta go pick up Steve soon, and I'm planning on bringing him back here tonight, so maybe see if you can crash with your date, yeah?"

"Sure thing-" Eddie replies, though he's interrupted by the sound of a knock ringing through the apartment. He grins wide, knowing exactly who it is. "That must be my date. Can you grab that while I finish up here?"

Jake rolls his eyes but complies, and Eddie freezes in place, not daring to make a sound so he can hear whatever interaction is about to happen.

The door opens, and he hears Jake's confused "Steve? What are you doing here? I'm supposed to be-"

"Yeah, we're not doing anything anymore. Ever again, actually."

God, Steve sounds so bitchy, and Eddie fucking loves it. He grabs the bag of food and the bouquet of roses from the counter, glad that he got dressed beforehand, and makes his way to the entry.

"What are you saying, Steve?"

"I'm saying that we're over, Jake. Maybe you can call the girl you fucked last night and take her to dinner instead."

Eddie turns the corner in time to see Jake's stunned expression, clearly not expecting Steve to throw that at him. He takes a moment to bask in the fire burning behind hazel eyes, until they slide to him and that fire vanishes, replaced with something sparkling and delighted.

"Hi, Eddie," Steve says, his demeanor changing like the flip of a switch, and Eddie beams. He steps closer and offers the bouquet of roses, along with a "Happy Valentine's, Stevie."

The money Eddie spent on the flowers was worth it to see the blush that floods Steve's face as he reaches out to take them.

"Oh, thank you. That's really sweet of you."

"What the fuck is happening right now?"

Eddie and Steve both turn to look at a very petulant and confused Jake, and Steve just smiles. "Well, you just got dumped, and my Valentine is about to take me on a date."

It takes a moment, but something must finally click, because Jake's face goes red with rage. Eddie just grabs Steve's arm, guiding him out of the apartment before the man can actually do something.

"So what's the plan?" Steve asks as he takes Eddie's hand, lacing their fingers together as Eddie leads him to his van.

"Well, uh. The next town over still has a drive in theater, and they're showing some old romance movies tonight. The drive to get there is pretty nice, and we'll actually have some time to talk, and then- I have some blankets and pillows in the back of the van, and I brought food so we can do a picnic during the movies. I mean, if- if that sounds good to you."

Steve's eyes are sparkling again as Eddie rambles, and he squeezes their hands in delight. "That sounds perfect, Eds."

By the time Eddie gets home late that night, he's learned two things:

The first is that Steve had already been debating on breaking up with Jake before this whole fiasco, but the thing stopping him was that he actually likes being around Eddie, and he thought wanting to hang out with his ex-boyfriend's roommate would be too weird.

The second thing Eddie's learned is that Steve's smile tastes like dark chocolate and sunshine, and kissing him might just be Eddie's new favorite hobby.

(Eddie does eventually show the video to Steve, just to reassure him that he didn't break them up so Eddie could date him instead. The only comment Steve makes is "She's definitely faking, his dick game isn't that good.")

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FOR CHECK INS *  assorted dialogue for checking with someone to see if they're okay, find out what's going on, etc etc., adjust as necessary

do you have everything you need for your trip?

how have you been since i last saw you?

pretty sure you never told me what happened.

while you're doing that, why don't you fill me in?

you're the only person that cares to ask how i am.

when's the last time you slept?

i won't tell a soul if you tell me what happened.

i just want to make sure you're okay.

i haven't spoken to you in quite some time.

could you give me a rundown of what happened?

i'd like to know what's going on.

what am i walking into?

it's not as bad as it looks.

you can trust me with the truth.

let me take a look at your injury.

you haven't slept in days. i can tell.

thank you for checking on me.

are you feeling better than you were the last time i saw you?

i'm just checking on you.

not trying to bug you. just wanted to know what's going on.

at least fill me in before you go.

walk me through what we're dealing with.

i hear you've got a plan?

do you need anything?

you can tell me anything.

i'll live.

let me grab you something to drink.

thank you for asking how i am.

when's the last time you ate?

that wound doesn't look too good.

would you relax for a second? i'm just checking on you.

that was a lie. try again and tell me the truth this time.

you're forgetting how well i know you.

you can't lie to me. i know all your tells.

stop bullshitting me and tell me what's really going on.

what are you hiding from me?

keep talking. i want to hear everything.

to tell you the truth, i'm struggling a bit here.

i think i deserve some honesty here.

i just want to check on you.

i'll come by in an hour and see how you're doing.

while i'm gone, [name] will be by to check on you.

can you let me care about you for two seconds?

you're terrible at keeping secrets from me.

you seem upset. what happened?

how long have you been dealing with this?

thanks for stopping by.

this sounds a lot worse than i expected.

you've been dealing with this alone, haven't you?

i've told you everything i know.

let me cook for you at least.

you look half-starved.

are you cold? why are you shaking?

there's more to the story that you're not saying.

why do you keep evading my questions?

that's not all there is, right?

so that's what they've been hiding.

thank you for being honest with me.