#i don't know if i have an ultimate anything

[patricia-von-arundel]

I don't like Neil Gaiman's writing.

Don't believe me? Search my Tumblr. Promise you'll find evidence that I said this long before recent info came out. (I should have looked for it myself before starting this reply - I'll try to remember to add some in after I finish writing this ramble. If Tumblr cooperates and finds it.)

I have never liked Gaiman's writing. Going back 20+ years, I've maintained it's not for me.

Ah - but see there?

Not for me.

He's a GOOD WRITER. I can see that in his work. I can tell he's good. I just don't like his style.

I haven't read anything he's written since... 2011 or so? I finally gave Good Omens a try around then, and despite also not like Terry Pratchett's writing, I actually loved it! I'd given both writers multiple chances, was not going to become a fan of either, but somehow, their styles together were perfect!

So - yeah - aside from Good Omens, didn't like anything I'd read by Gaiman: American Gods, Stardust, Coraline, Sandman, Books of Magic... none of it clicked, even knowing he was a good writer. I can say I wasn't a fan even back in the 90s. I can say I haven't touched anything of his in over a decade.

Does that give me some moral high ground now?

No.

I just didn't like his books. Simple as that.

No superiority, no "I knew all along," nothin'.

Because he's a good writer and seemed like a good guy. I followed him on most social media despite not liking his writing because he seemed like a good guy!

There's no need to revise reality here.

You can admit he's a good writer and a bad person. You can admit how much you loved his books. You can still love his books. Or you can be horrified by them now and never touch them again.

Any of those are okay.

It's a rough thing to wrap your mind around, especially if you were a big fan.

We've all been let down by our heroes. This is just... a particularly egregious, painful example for a lot of people. I know. I have all the sympathy for you as you try to work through very complicated feelings now.

How you feel, ultimately, may take some time to work out, work through, fully grasp and accept. That's also okay.

But Gaiman is still a good writer.

(Better than JK Rowling, who's gotten a similar revision from many.)

Big hugs to everyone dealing with this.

[obito-in-disguise]

| 100 million |

Husband Megumi x germaphobe reader.

Megumi glances down at your hands, cold from your shower. He takes one of them in his own, interlocking his fingers with yours and slowly rubbing them between his palms to warm them up.

“Why do you always take so long in there...and you always have the water freezing cold too” he grumbles, his warm hands working against yours.

You smile at his sweet gesture, ignoring the sass in his tone. "Thank you gumi"

He gives you a stern look before ultimately cracking a small smile back.

Raising your hand to his lips, he blows warm air onto your skin, rubbing gently to bring some life back into them. He knows you’re a germaphobe, and using his mouth probably isn’t your idea of hygienic, but he doesn’t really care in the moment.

You watch him blow air from his mouth unto your hands, making a face subconsciously.

He sees the scrunched up look on your face and chuckles, knowing exactly why you're doing that.

“What? worried I’m gonna infect you with my cooties? You do know we're married right? we're enshrined into each other now, I kiss you all the time, I've been inside y-”

"Christ gumi!" you cut him off, mortified. He was so reserved in public, but in private? had no inhibitions when it came to saying the wildest things.

He laughs, your reaction so entertaining to him. You still got so embarrassed, despite how long you’d been together. He releases your hands, crossing his over his chest.

“What? I’m just saying what’s true. I do all of those things to you and you’re worried about me breathing on your hand? Come on”

You huff, unclenching and clenching your now warmed hands. "I know, I know...it's more of a psychological thing"

He hums in mock understanding, letting his mind wander to all the silly rules you'd set throughout the course of your relationship.

No eating from the same silverware. No drinking from the same cup. No putting of eachother's dirty clothes together. He hadn’t seen someone so adamant about not sharing anything with anyone before.

“We’re supposed to be sharing everything. You’re just ridiculous. Why the hell can’t you eat with the same fork I just ate off of?”

You take a deep breath, bracing yourself before shouting at the top of your lungs. "A MILLIMETER OF SALIVA CONTAINS A 100 MILLION BACTERIA"

He doesn’t miss a beat, mirroring your volume. "WE GO TO POUNDTOWN EVERYNIGHT, THAT IS THE LEAST OF YOUR WORRIES"

You can't stop the giggles that escape your lips as you immediately jump to slap a hand over his mouth, you had neighbours.

He chuckles too, prying your hand off to continue embarrassing you. "We do far worse things than sharing silverware!"

You laugh harder "That's different!"

He rolls his eyes, deciding to humor you. "Pray tell, how is it different?"

"Going to poundtown is an in the moment thing..." you explains ridiculously.

Megumi doubles over with laughter, the sheer absurdity of your logic breaking him completely. He can never handle the things that come out of your mouth sometimes. They're just so bizarre.

“What the hell, I can’t even argue with that”

"That's right" you grin triumphantly. You hold up your finger as you begin to lecture him.

"You see Fushiguro, when we...get down, I don't have time to think about how much bacteria we're swapping." You shudder "but when we're eating?!! there's all the time in the world!"

He scoffs, shaking his head. He found your reaction to the very thought of sharing silverware with him, your husband, completely baffling.

“What a load of bullshit" he deadpans.

His eyes are filled with fondness as he watches you throw your head back and laugh at that, with that smile that always sends his heart racing.

Your germaphobe shenanigans were the bane of his existence but there was no one he would rather share the rest of his life with, your silly quirks and all.

oh how I love to daydream about married life, don't disappoint me universe 🤞🏻

Check out more of my jjk fics and other stories!

like, comment or reblog! ♡

[technically-a-kiwi]

🌌TRUEST OF TRUE ULTIMATE VERSION OF Mc FUCKIN' HAD IT OF TRUEST COSMIC AU🌌

Or Cosmic AU for short

That's right ! The final version's here ✨✨✨, it doesn't mean I'll stop posting about the AU, but I'll stop writting stuff and stories and shit, well, maybe not stories but DEFINETLY world building, it's a multiversal otherworldly fourth wall breaking self aware AU so whatever. Anyways, LET'S GOOOOOO !!!!

And now, for the moment you've been waiting for !

THE LOOOOOOORE 💯💯💯💯💯

Peppino and The Noise killed eachother and are now gods

The end ✨

Characters :

Cosmic Peppino, The Chef

Cosmic Noise, The Host

Cosmic Pepperman, self absorbed drawing

The ticket stand, a face in the void

Noisette, the little star traveler

Where are the other characters you may ask ?

THEY'RE IN THE REALM OF I-DON'T-CARENESS OKAY ?!!! They're not gone, I just litterlay don't care enough to mention them anymore okay ?! If you want to do stuff with them go ahead, but I won't, I'm DONE 👹👹👹

Now, small note, the cosmic realm holds many kinds of entity, with titles as diversed as its people. Just know that C Pep and C Noise specifically are cosmic entities and the ONLY cosmic entities of the realm, and are thus not bound by laws of physics, reality, panels, chronologie, are self award, fourth wall breakers and most importantly absolutely omnipotente.

Yeah it's ridiculously overpowered and weird for silly pizza game characters, but who cares ?! This is my AU boi !

No need to develop on Peppino much, I've already made plenty of posts about him, he's quite developed as it is. An italian creation god...thing, that bakes things into existence, C Pep is either stressed out or tired or furious, and flames up like a bonfire when emotional.

Although I gotta mention, I kind of changed his perspective on mortal beings. He does have basic respect for people, he sees them a little spects sure, but he wouldn't actively undermine them. He doesn't get upset much when something happens to populations, maybe a little "oh, that's a bummer" during tragedies, but not anything much, it's not a lovey dovey amount of care like for his kids. he just sees them as... tiny insect strangers of some sort, I hope it's clear enough.

Okay, I kind of want to develop some stuff, I don't know where else I could put this in the post anyway

C Pep is quite distant with people, he can engage in conversations sure, but he doesn't let much of anybody in, you know ? (Well, most people don't let strangers in, most saine people that is, everyone in the realm is insane anyway)

But with people he's familiar with, he's quite peachy

He considers Maurice like a little brother, he loves just hanging around, messing harmlessly with him a little, or just be here for him. C Pep enjoys his company since here Maurice is more cold than a jerk, plus they can hear from eachother when it comes to the struggles of raising a child on your own (yup there is a Maurice Jr.)

Since Peppino's a chef, he's been taking Maurice under his wing and teaches him some nice recipes.

He's a slow learner but he's progressing.

As for the constellations, he tries his best as a single father. He's a little awkward, especially when he needs to react calmly (calm and Peppino are two opposite thing on the chart) but he really tries his best to show the constellations he's here for them. Pep can relate with them on some things. He really loves them cares about them deeply. The constellations care about him just as much. It's an okay family.

Also, it's kind of awkward and I feel REALLY weird to write that, but on my earlier posts I said that he makes lots of mistakes as a parent, and to illustrate that I made him yell at Cassiopea, and suggested that it happened more than once. Now, the original plan was to show that he's terrifying when enragged and that his kids are worried about his outbursts, but instead I might of suggested that C Pep is kind of an... abuser? Okay, to set things strait, it's not the case, not at all, he loves his kids and would rip the very fabric of reality to protect them and make them happy, even if he's about to lash out at them his future self would come and stop him before he could causes any harm. It's very messed up considering that C Pep is basically an overpowered god and having defenseless beings at the mercy of his outbursts and yelling just sound sick and not at ALL what I was going for. It could have been interesting if I tried a story talking about the viscious cycle of abuse and how it caries on to the victime, since Peppino is canonically a victime of household abuse with his brother verbaly harassing him, but at this point it straines a little too far from what the AU is about. maybe I'll write something about it someday, but the chances are thin.

Okay I think that's all for Cosmic Peppino

Let's develop on Cosmic Noise !

Okay, so, Cosmic Noise here is a (not so) little chaos god, he just loves to mess around, most of his actions are for the sake of his own entertainment. He's either a very, very dumb irritating little gremlin or an absolute evil mastermind, depends on his mood. His "special ability", or should I say "quirk" is that he can summon text panels you see in earlier TV shows to make the crowd react.

I didn't draw this but sometimes he can be a helping hand in stories, giving hints to the hero's journey, but he'd NEVER physically intervene in a story to help, that's just... not like him... besides if he helps it's generaly because he wants to move the plote along, not because he's nice.

You can just feel that he wants to annoy you just by the way he's moving, interacting with people, he just floats aroud you, takes all the available space, constrains you, he just wants to put you out of your confort zone, see how much he can play until he crosses the line

And sometimes he can go pretty far to see how much you can handle before you crack

As for NNS, C Noise's TV show, it's quite a strange enviroment, the studio takes a good chunk of the cosmic realm (also fun fact, C Noise's cape is a window and a portal to NNS's studio !) it doesn't have a clear schedule. The number one rule is to be as entertaining as possible. Oh, and literaly nothing makes sense and is absurde, just like The Noise

That's the only thing I drew, but there's so much more stuff he does in the show, like news broadcasting, here's a little moodboard to give you an idea

there's stuff like extreme parcours, a hide and seek game where the contestant must find him in a random area (most of the time hostile areas), dilema games where he films people having to solve a tough dilema etc... Just as long as it's exaggerated and absurde it's good.

Also, (not a) fun fact ! C Noise can see through his cameras as if they where his eyes, and his cameras are everywhere filming 24/7. He knows all the things you keep to yourself, all the awkward and dark things you did, he saw that, and can compilate all those moments into a film if he wants, so be careful with what names you call him, he might try to prove you he's far worst than just annoying.

And now, for the cosmic duo.

Cosmic Peppino and Cosmic Noise are... quite an unique duo, per say ?

Since an image speaks a thousand words, I'll just let my doodles show how their dynamic works

Part 2 | Part 3

[ladybracknellssherry]

Neil Gaiman is an abuser and disgusting and no one should still be trying to defend this man. I hope his victims heal and can move forward and I hope they get to see some form of justice. I hope he never gets to abuse anyone again. I hope no one wants to work with him ever again. I hope his son is safe and someone gets him out of that environment.

I already said a lot about this last summer when the tortoise podcast first came out. But since everyone on tumblr has to have an opinion, I have a few to add.

"He wrote Calliope! Why are you surprised?" "He's a Zionist! Why are you surprised?" "He was raised in the Scientology cult! Why are you surprised?" "He-"

No.

The majority of fiction about sensitive / problematic / harmful topics is neither an endorsement nor a confession.

Being terrible in one way doesn't always/necessarily mean you're going be terrible in other ways. This mindset gives "you should have seen the signs" which is kind of a lot reductive and is within spitting distance of the victim blaming county line.

After an SA, someone in my social circle said to my face as ... a joke?... "what did you expect? dude listened to dave matthews band."

???

The signs are always there. Clear as day in the rearview mirror. And those signs can vary greatly. Anything can be a sign if you want it to be, I guess.

Remember when that guy Ted Bundy worked at a Suicide Hotline? The scariest thing to me is that a common sign of violent abusers seems to be an involvement in the causes to HELP victims.

I think we go looking for flashing neon signs like this because, simply, a wolf in sheep's clothing is far more terrifying than a regular ole straightforward wolf.

And this JKR vs. NG discourse? Who is making this a "which terrible person is the more terrible person?" contest? And what the fuck is wrong with you? Hate the artist, love the media. You do you. If you want to denounce great things created by terrible people, put down the phone, tablet, or computer you're reading this on because the guy who invented the transistor was a eugenicist and a racist.

NG acted this progressive, feminist ally type persona in all kinds of ways. And meanwhile was doing terrible shit, abusing and grooming and controlling and manipulating, and ultimately causing a lot of first direct harm, and now that the truth has come out, a huge blast radius of (indirect?) harm.

JKR continues to espouse and encourage vile discourse that fans the flames of transmisia/transphobia, putting trans lives in danger. Joanne spends so much time trying to police and influence the definition of "woman" that she attacks cis women - thus further endangering BOTH trans people and cis women in her crusade to...protect...women.

They've both done horrible things. DIFFERENT HORRIBLE THINGS.

There's nuance, of course. It would be great if we stopped giving these people money. My Good Omens fandom family - I know we're hurting. I really hope you plan on pirating any of the related media you would otherwise stream, going forward. Don't worry about David and Michael, the rest of the cast and crew. They'll be fine.

Fuck all of this "it's not about you." How in the hell? This man is a public figure. The reason we make a big deal about it when public figures abuse their power is BECAUSE THIS IS ABOUT ALL OF US. The world shifts when something like this comes out - AS IT SHOULD. Feeling discomfort or rage or sadness right now is normal. Channel those intense emotions. Figure out how to make constructive use of those emotions to try to help create a safer more nurturing world. And remember why you were forced to face these feelings this time - because Neil Gaiman abused women and those women went through absolute hell but were brave enough and strong enough to come out against such a beloved famous man because they wanted to make him be held accountable. Because they don't want him to get away with this. Because no one else should ever have to go through what they went through. Honor that. Honor what they went through. In NG's case, being such a public figure, the absolute scale of coverage with these allegations and accounts, we can only hope he never gets to victimize anyone else again.

That should be the focus. Not this noise of tangential discourse, not the autistic kid who has a special interest who wants to keep posting fan art on tumblr. That kid hates him too and has already said so.

I get it that when the news first broke in July a lot of folks didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe it. There was a lot of rationalizing about the media outlet. Look, denial is one of the stages of grief. Fans were shocked and grieving the death of a figure they respected and looked up to. You don't have to have an unhealthy parasocial relationship with someone to feel betrayed when they do terrible things. And, my god, the time we live in. Misinformation and disinformation is rampant. Wanting more information, wanting to take some time to investigate something you've heard is actually responsible, generally speaking. But a week after that news? Two weeks? A month? 3 months? If you're still defending him, denying these allegations, and wanting more "proof" at this point? Fuck right off, you need psychological help. That's not an insult, that is concern, from a fellow human being. You are unwell. I hope you get better.

Good Omens gave me my joy back after years in abusive relationships, multiple SA's, death after death of people I loved, fucking cancer, medical hell. I can't just turn off the love of this media or the love of this fandom I've connected with. I don't want to turn that off.

I'm not going to say "Neil is an abuser - BUT he helped create my special interest." Because that ain't it. "Neil is an abuser - AND he helped create my special interest." No justifying, no waffling, no moral superiority, no flagellation. These are just two facts.

Believe the victims. Tell everyone you'll ever meet that this guy is scum. Throwing away that book you bought 10 years ago won't fix anything. Believe victims. Donate to or volunteer with DV orgs and shelters. Set and respect boundaries in your lives and fucking check in about consent. Believe victims! Don't be silent when someone you know is being "kinda creepy." Believe victims. And take care of yourselves!

x

[planar-river-road]

It definitely is extremely funny, but to get back to the initial question for a moment I'm pretty sure it's because unlike Twitter and Reddit, TikTok doesn't really have much overlap with Tumblr from a practical standpoint.

Twitter, Reddit and Tumblr are all ultimately social media platforms based on text posts, even if the culture, layout and algorithms aren't the same. If you jump from Twitter or Reddit to Tumblr, you might learn to adapt, you might thrive immediately or you might find out that it isn't for you, but it isn't a worse first choice than any of the other options you could've switched to (except for the ones that are Literally Just A Clone Of Your Previous App Without The Baggage). If you like threads of short text posts, you can find or make those on Tumblr. If you like longform essays with a variety of comments, you can find or make those on Tumblr.

But TikTok is specifically a platform for watching lots of quick videos without anything interrupting it. And you won't get that on Tumblr. Half of the videos you'll find here are just clips scraped from TikTok in the first place (followed by someone adding the written transcript because even Tumblr users don't trust Tumblr with video files), much like how most of what TikTok knows about Tumblr are long text posts that someone made an AI voice read out while bouncing around Minecraft just so they wouldn't have to actually read them.

TikTok and Tumblr users have both made a culture of converting what little they find of value about each other's sites into something that fits into their own culture, and I think that's respectable. I hope they all find happiness on RedNote, both for their own sake and so that Tumblr staff doesn't try to bring back Tumblr Live as some kind of alternative.

I find it so funny, in light of TikTok’s imminent American demise, that even now they aren’t considering moving to tumblr. The last two social media refugee crises (Twitter -> X and whatever happened with Reddit) prompted a wave of wide-eyed new baffled tumblr users to flood this app and yet last I heard all of the tiktokers are flooding en-masse a Chinese social media app. That is entirely in Mandarin. Instead of moving to tumblr.

[separatist-apologist]

I don’t think I’ll ever sent my money to her again. I‘ll either just support my local library and read the upcoming books from there or download pdf.

Sjm and Bloomsbury clearly don’t gaf about her fans and I‘m not going to waste my money just for her books to come out mediocre. Hofas was absolutely stupid and I‘m still mad about the fact that I wasted money on that crap. And all these ridiculous bonus chapters? There was absolutely no need to include that many bonus chapters, except they just wanted more money.

Anyway, I‘d love to pay you instead.

I keep trying not to sound bitter and exhausted but like...I guess maybe I am a little bitter and exhausted.

My hater opinion under the cut. Read at your own hater risk

I don't think SJM enjoys this series anymore, and nothing and no one can convince me she does. ACOSF was...I mean, she said it herself, she was not in a good place when she wrote it and I think going back and re-reading, you get the sense that she was not as in love with those characters/stories like maybe she was, once.

Ultimately I'll never know because I don't pretend to have any insight into SJM's emotional/mental well-being. I could speculate all day long on why things are done the way they're done.

What I do know is that publishing is a dying business and SJM brings Bloomsbury a TON of money. People are always talking about ACOTAR, doing free advertising in a multitude of ways (discussing theories, posting tiktoks, commissioning art- all of that is free advertising for the books/publisher), and I think they're going to ride the runaway success of the series for as long as they can. People will buy anything with SJM's name printed on it- why not these lazy "nightcourt editions" too?

And look what happened. They post them and it reignites the arguments, the theories, the excitement that I thought was dying down a little. It also silenced some of the criticism (or, at least, drowned it out). Now people are back to passionately arguing what the bonus chapters mean (nothing other than $$$), what nightcourt means (nothing- they're just black), theorizing the next couple, when the books will drop, and being overall excited about just the possibility of something new.

And I am personally just very tired of all of it. I've said for a long time SJM's fanbase is far more passionate than she is, that they (we) do a lot of work on the backend to make these stories make coherent sense, and are generally exceptionally passionate in a way that, for example, allows SJM to sweep the Goodreads Choice Awards despite writing what was, in my opinion, a very sloppy conclusion to a series people were incredibly excited about.

I have no interest in a gwynriel/elucien book, personally, which I don't think we'll be getting in 2025. I haven't really enjoyed one of her books since ACOMAF/Crown of Midnight- you can see the decline in quality despite the ballooning word count. And I know someone is gonna show up/vague me about how HOFAS was a masterpiece and like. Whatever, I guess, you can gaslight yourself but you can't gaslight me.

[velvetvexations]

@ anon who was recently harmed by cis men and is struggling not to fall into misandry (or anyone else facing a similar thing).

As someone who has faced a lot of trauma at the hands of cis men, this is how I avoid falling into "all X are inherently evil" type thinking.

Trauma wants to help keep you safe, and part of what it's doing is going "the people who hurt you were cis men, and therefore someone being a cis man makes them dangerous". Which is an understandable conclusion to reach, but it's not actually useful for keeping you safe. The goal from here would be to notice what actions the cis men did that made them dangerous.

In my case, a lot of the cis men who hurt me choked me without asking my consent first. So when I notice myself having thoughts of "all men are evil" I redirect to "all men who choke their partners without asking for consent are evil" and if I can I try to go from that to "no one is inherently evil, but people who choke their partners without asking for consent are committing sexual assault and ignoring other people's boundaries, and regardless of if they're a good or bad person I would not feel safe around someone like that and I don't need to allow people who disrespect boundaries into my life" or the classic "it's not all men it was a few bad hookups/some bad exs". Notice your brain trying to broaden the generalization, and remind it that it's not actually helpful to go from "a few X have been untrustworthy in prior experience" to "all X are inherently untrustworthy", and bring it back as best as you can to the specifics.

Validate that your brain is trying to keep you safe. Focus on actions that people do when assessing whether someone might be dangerous like if they ignore when people tell them no, instead of falling into the trap of thinking that someone's identity has anything to do with whether or not they are safe. It's easy to fall into that line of thinking because "every cis man is inherently untrustworthy" is less effort than "I need to be mindful every time I interact with a cis man for potential hints that they might be dangerous", but you gotta remember that 1) people are not going to react well if you are distrustful or unkind to them for something outside of their control/that they haven't actually done and 2) it leads to a self fulfilling spiral of (in this case) cis men being unkind because they feel your hostility leading to you becoming more hostile leading to more mistreatment and that's a very unpleasant place to be in and a difficult position to get out of.

And like I get it. Trauma is hard. It's not fair that other people hurt you and now you have these sharp edges you never asked for. It can feel unfair to be hurt and then have to put in all this effort to take care of yourself and to not hurt others. I highly support complaining about needing to be the bigger person and how unfair this all is the entire time you're putting in the effort to do better. But also please know that despite how unfair it is and despite how difficult it is and despite how you shouldn't even be in this position in the first place, it is worth the time and effort it takes to help make the world feel safer again. To help yourself feel safer in this world.

Tl;Dr: the "all X are evil and inherently untrustworthy" is your brain trying to keep you safe, but is ultimately unhelpful in doing so. Focus on the specific actions/choices people have made that show you that they're unsafe to be around and why. Do your best to remember that a few shitty people don't represent their demographic, so complain about the specific shitty people and/or the awful things they do not the demographic they're a part of.

love this <3

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

Hi! Apologies if your inbox is a weird place to drop this, but. I have had an animorphs thought haunting me and just absolutely not enough spoons to do anything with it myself, and you're the only animorphs blog I really know...so I guess I thought I'd maybe offer it up here and hopefully it'll resonate with someone? Anyway, the thought. 47 is a WEIRD book...what could a rewrite of it look like? And from there, I've become obsessed with the idea of yeerks find the hork bajir valley, but instead of what happens canonically, the animorphs & Toby arrive at a horrible possible solution: the yeerks will be there too soon for them to just run & nobody wants to give up their home -> if they leave some behind to fight and stall they'll get infested and the yeerks will know to keep looking -> ...but what if the force they leave behind genuinely doesn't know they're being sacrificed? They fight and die or are infested genuinely believing the rest of the valley is right behind them as reinforcements, while in actuality that group is being evacuated (maybe to return to their ellemist-protected home after the yeerks leave, convinced they've put down the free hork bajir, ymmv on that). The dam & the subsequent breaking of it is a cover to create chaos and really distract anyone from wondering about the numbers too much. I just think it could be a perfect opportunity to explore infestation, choices made to prevent it, etc...plus give a lens for talking about betrayal & lies for the "greater good" and via that, actually address the falling out between Jake and Ax from 46...plus maybe foreshadow that Jake is ultimately going to pull something disturbingly similar with the Auximorphs! like I said, I don't have the spoons to do anything substantial with this concept, but yeah, I wanted to set it loose. I absolutely won't be offended if you decide your blog isn't the venue for this, and regardless, love your writing and I hope you're doing well.

I like this idea, because yeeeaaaah, #47 is a hot mess. And a classic case of "you tried to do antiracism but fumbled it so bad you kind of just circled back around to being condescending about race."

But also, I love how this would actually interrogate the idea of "you're better off dead than a controller." Because the series presents that idea as true, basically without question, and basically without proof. The only time I think Animorphs comes close to questioning it is the end of #28, and even then it's in the midst of Cassie and Ax debating a different point.

Because I'm sure being a controller is awful. And I'm sure there are indeed fates worse than death. But just assuming from the outside that someone is better off dead is a slippery fucking slope. One that causes 100s of disabled people every year to get murdered by their caregivers. You don't get to assume from the outside that someone forfeits their right to life just because you think they'd be "better off dead" than poor or disabled or communist or enslaved.

So I'd love to see an Animorphs plotline where several hork-bajir choose to let themselves be captured and infested, knowing that doing so is necessary for the war effort and that the alternative is dying. (IMHO Toby would never do this without the sacrifices' permission — she isn't Jake.) These would be hork-bajir who have been controllers before, hork-bajir who understand better than Jake ever will how precarious their entire species is. If they say "I will let myself be captured in the hope of rescue once we win the war, rather than dying" then I think there's tremendous courage in that. And I'd love to see it explored.

[d1xonss]

Desert Rose

Chapter 68 ~ Adapt

✧ Pairing : Daryl Dixon x Rose

✧ Era : Season 5

✧ Word Count : 7.2k

In this chapter ~ Things still seem rocky as Daryl clearly struggles to adjust to the new and questionable place. Though he definitely isn’t the only one, as the others find themselves wondering if they could live in peace with the people inside the walls after a fight occurs.

I lingered on those porch steps for what felt like a lifetime, unaware of the hours passing me by as I couldn't bring myself to go back inside. It wasn't until I noticed the flicker of light coming from the east, the sight of the sun making me realize I hadn't gotten a wink of rest. But I didn't want the others to be aware of that fact, ultimately causing me to head back inside before the rest of the neighborhood woke. Before the others woke, knowing they would be anxiously anticipating what the new day would bring.

Deanna apparently was very persistent that our group took our time to adjust to their lifestyle, exploring and meeting others as much as we could. Me personally however, I would rather die. I wasn't exactly jumping for joy when it came time to meet complete strangers that obviously didn't fully trust us. But regardless, everyone else seemed eager to take a look around at where we would potentially live. That I suppose I could understand.

I found myself stepping out onto the patio after the group had eventually cleared out, my arms circling around my waist as I caught sight of Rick and Daryl on the other end of the space, talking quietly amongst each other. Both of their heads turned at the sound of the door shutting behind me, my lips turning up in a small smile, though I noticed something seemed a bit off.

"Everything okay?" I asked.

Rick nodded, "Yeah, we're fine." he reassured before moving closer to where I stood, "You heading out?"

"Well," I cleared my throat, "...No."

He scoffed quietly at my blunt honestly, "Right. Hold down the fort for us." he said before squeezing my shoulder as he passed me, heading down the steps to scope out the new territory.

My gaze followed him for only a moment before panning back to Daryl, his unusual quietness catching my attention. He sat on top of the railing, messing with his crossbow with furrowed brows without even glancing up in my direction. I tilted my head a bit in confusion as I began to wonder what changed between last night and this morning. Was he mad at me? I hadn't recalled I had done anything wrong, but looking at him now I could sense something was going on.

I slowly walked over, sitting myself down across from him with a small breath, but he still didn't acknowledge me at all. Seeming to have a lot on his mind. "Hey...you okay?"

He glanced up at me briefly, "Mhm."

My eyes narrowed in suspicion, wanting to press the matter further, but the screen door opening again with a squeak caught both of our attention. And I couldn't help but grow a little shocked at the sight. There before my very eyes was Carol in a bright blue cardigan and brown slacks, looking even more like a mother than I've ever seen her.

She adjusted the article of clothing almost proudly as she smiled at the two of us, "Time to punch the clock and make the casseroles." she announced.

My confusion only grew, "You're starting your job already?"

She nodded, "Yep, they said they needed me as soon as possible. And you know what, I'm actually excited."

"Okay...and what's with the getup?"

"What? You don't like it?" she asked, smoothing down the material self-consciously.

I shook my head quickly, "Love it."

She smiled brightly at me, "I'm ready to get my hands dirty. I have to make food for the older people, people who can't cook...you get to meet a lot of the new neighbors that way you two."

Daryl scoffed, "Yeah, alright."

"Have you taken a shower yet?" she asked him.

He glanced up at her slightly, nodding his head with a quiet hum before looking back down at his weapon not even a second later. Carol squinted her eyes at him before looking over towards me, watching me simply shake my head to answer her silent question. One she already knew the answer to.

"Right. Take a shower and I'll wash that vest. We need to keep up appearances around here, even you." she ordered as she made her way down the steps.

"Ain't startin now." he muttered.

"I'm going to hose you down in your sleep!" she called over her shoulder.

He scoffed, "You look ridiculous." he countered back, "Rosie was just bein nice."

My mouth dropped before I reached down to smack his leg, "Hey, don't bring me into this."

"Yer already into it." he huffed, his hands continuing to work at adjusting his crossbow.

I rolled my eyes at his random attitude, watching Carol walk further and further down the sidewalk, before grabbing the bow from Daryl's hands once she disappeared around the corner. Wanting him to finally look at me.

"Ey-"

"Nope, nuh uh." I waved him off, propping the crossbow next to my legs, "What's going on with you?"

He sighed, "Nothin...don't worry bout it."

Again, he wouldn't meet my eyes, causing me to tilt my head down until I finally caught his attention, studying the expression he wore. He knew he could tell me anything, he knew that. So I couldn't understand why he wanted to keep his racing thoughts to himself now.

"We both know that's not true." I spoke calmly.

"Damn it woman, I said m' fine!" he suddenly snapped.

I flinched a little at the sudden loudness and harshness of his tone, watching as his breathing picked up in irritation, but I just shook my head at him. Without saying a word, I hopped back off the railing and headed towards the front door, opening and closing it behind me with a slam. Dramatic, but hey what can I say?

I sat down on the nearby sofa with a huff as I slowly dropped my head into my hands, trying my best to calm down so I wouldn't turn around and yell right back at him. But I didn't. I knew that we were all on edge after everything recently, which is why I was planning to just let it glide off my back. But at the same time, even that was a little uncalled for. Especially since he never snaps at me, hardly ever. That alone told me that something was seriously bugging him like a fly buzzing right in your ear. But maybe I was being the fly; who knows?

However, I only wanted him to be okay, to feel like he can actually talk to me about the things that bothered him so badly. He had always been good about pushing everything deep down until he couldn't anymore his whole life, but with me he never needed to. I was constantly reassuring him that I was always here to listen, to offer my shoulder to lean on, no matter how "stupid" the little things may be. I would always listen. But clearly, it didn't always go smoothly. Feeling like it was pulling teeth sometimes to get him to open up during times like this, when he felt he was dealing with these things alone.

The door slowly creaking back open minutes later is what made my thoughts falter momentarily, rolling my eyes to myself at his obvious hesitance to approach me. I didn't even need to look up to sense it from a mile away, already knowing exactly how this was going to play out. He would apologize, then tell me what's been bothering him, blame himself for taking it out on me, and then we would make up. Situations like this ended the same way every time without fail.

His steps were slow and cautious as he made his way across the room, softly sitting next to me as I heard him take in a small breath. "M' sorry, darlin...shouldn't have yelled like that." he spoke quietly.

Called it.

I reluctantly glanced up at him out of the corner of my eye, seeing his sheepish features. I sighed quietly to myself before sitting up straight, "I just want to help you...you know that, right?"

He nodded, "I know. It's just...yer not gonna like what I have to say."

"Try me." I said, turning to face him better so he would have my full attention.

A regrettable grunt sounded from him, his hands fidgeting. "I don't fuckin belong here." he stated bluntly, "I feel so...outta place. Like m' trapped. I don't like the feelin...even if it's supposed to be safe. Stayin inside these walls, it's just not me."

"Love," I said with a small smile, "It's okay. You don't have to feel obligated to stay all the time, you still have free will to go out whenever you want. Even if it's just to get away. And you do belong here...we all need this chance."

He shook his head, "Nah, you belong here. I ain't never been in a big fancy neighborhood like this, never was handed a damn thing. Makes me uncomfortable. Plus, I don't really think folks round here will like my redneck ass behind these gates with 'em."

"Stop." I scolded softly while reaching out to comb my fingers through his hair, getting it out of his eyes, "Daryl, you deserve to be here, more than any of us. You've gone above and beyond for this group, you have a right to be spoiled a little bit. And I don't care about the other people here, screw them. If they have anything to say about you, they can come talk to me, I'll kick their asses."

He chuckled with a shake of his head, but I was far from joking, "You know I will." I finished.

"Oh, I do." he assured, absentmindedly tracing patters along my arm, as if the action itself grounded him in a way. "I don't deserve ya." he muttered quietly.

I gave him a look, "You deserve the world."

He remained silent, but really he didn't need to say a thing. His expression immediately softened when he heard my voice claim such things, almost as if he needed to hear me say it for him to actually believe it. I didn't know how much something could break my heart yet warm it all at the same time.

He then gently grabbed my jaw, pulling me in to plant a soft kiss upon my lips. I smiled against his mouth as I moved my hand around to his neck, beginning to play with his longer hair at the back of his head. I knew that this wouldn't be an easy adjustment; for him especially so. But I knew we all needed this, even if it was a hard thing to admit at times. We were close to our breaking point out there, and I never wanted to be in that situation again if I could help it.

Though I was brought back to earth when I suddenly felt Daryl try to deepen the kiss, his tongue trying to push past my lips. I couldn't help but break away from him with a small laugh at the intents. "What?" he asked.

"Well, you're not going to like what I have to say." I repeated his own words. His brows only furrowed further, "You know Carol was right, you do need to shower eventually."

He then rolled his eyes, "That means m' lettin my guard down, and I don't wanna do that yet. We still don't know-"

"The only thing that a shower is going to do is get you clean." I interrupted matter-of-factly.

A dramatic sigh passed his lips as he slumped back into the couch cushions, clearly not a fan of the idea. I rolled my eyes slightly, "What if...I showered with you?" I suggested.

I swear I had never seen him move quicker in my life. In a split second he hopped off the couch and eagerly gestured for my hand which I gladly accepted as I let out a genuine laugh. Something I hadn't done in a while. He led me upstairs in a flash up to the master bathroom I had just used yesterday, taking in the spaciousness while I shut the door behind me.

"Ya think they'll be gone for a while?" he asked, glancing back at me.

I nodded, "A few hours at least." I said with a wink.

His lip quirked up in a small smirk before I moved around him to turn on the water, running my hand under the stream to make sure the temperature was warm enough. By the time I turned back around, I found him standing just inches away from my frame, his eyes admiring me shamelessly. I wordlessly raised my arms up high and he chuckled, lifting the hem of my shirt up and over my head, his rough fingers grazing my lower abdomen in the process.

He tossed the shirt carelessly to the cold, tile floor as I moved forward to remove his leather vest from his shoulders, helping his shirt up along the way. Before we both knew it, there was nothing left to take off as it was instead littered across the floor, the two of us stepping inside the shower and instantly relaxing at the warm water that ran down our bare bodies. I took my time washing his hair, running my fingers through the built-up tangles that lingered while his head tilted back in pure tranquility. I couldn't help but smile to myself at how easy it was to get him in here by merely suggesting my own company.

After thoroughly washing every inch of his head, he leaned back into the water again to rinse his shaggy hair, watching it now messily stick to different parts of his face. His hands then moved down to my waist, slowly spinning me around so he could wash my hair as well. I gladly leaned back into him as I felt his fingers work against my scalp, finding myself admitting this time and time again how good he was with his hands. He could be so gentle, while also simultaneously knowing how to add just the right amount of pressure in certain scenarios.

With my curly locks free of bubbles, I moved to grab the nearby washcloth to lather it with soap, before swiping it across the entirety of his chest and shoulders. I watched the leftover dirt that was caked onto his skin, slowly melt away the more I scrubbed, the brown water swirling down the drain like a small tornado. He was finally starting to look like himself again, though it didn't all play into with how clean he was now. Instead there was a certain light behind his eyes when he looked down upon me as I continued to wash away any spots that I missed. The light was always there whenever I caught his gaze, I've always seen that, but somehow this seemed different.

"What?" I couldn't help but ask.

He shook his head, "Remember...when ya said I deserved the world?" I nodded, to which his smile widened. "I already got it, baby."

My brows furrowed a bit, "What do you mean?"

"Yer my world." he said as his hands squeezed my hips, "I don't need no fancy house or runnin water, none of those things mean shit to me. I have you. Makes me feel like the luckiest damn man on the planet."

My chest tightened with emotion at the complexity to his words, not being able to stop the tears from pooling in my eyes from his sweetness, along with the lack of sleep I had been facing. A few managed to run down my face no matter how much I didn't want them to, though he quickly swiped them away with his thumbs the moment he noticed.

"Hey...why ya cryin?" he asked softly.

I shook my head as I looked up at him, "Because you're too perfect...I don't know what I'd do without you."

He smiled sadly at me, bringing me close to capture my lips in a tender kiss. It always felt incredibly amazing having him with me, no matter the situation. Heavenly, is how I would describe the feeling. Just pure bliss and happiness, his presence alone was enough to make me forget every worry I ever had.

What started out as soft and sweet, suddenly became heated and hungry as we clung onto each other in a desperate manner, our lips working in a frantic dance. We both knew which direction this was heading, feeling him suddenly reach his hand back without parting from me to clumsily shut the water off. The two of us were quick to maneuver ourselves from the shower, feeling his hands all over my skin as he backed me up toward the bedroom right next door. Not caring at all about the water dripping off of us and onto the ground.

I suddenly felt the bedframe come in contact with the back of my knees, causing me to fall back not so gracefully, letting out a squeak of surprise. Our mouths parted for a moment, hearing him chuckle as he caught himself to hover over me, his forehead falling to rest on my chest.

"Ya okay?" he asked, gazing back up at me through his hooded eyes.

I nodded, "Mhm." I barely muttered before tugging him back down to kiss him again.

He hummed roughly, his teeth gently nipping at my lower lip before his tongue soothed the subtle sting, his mouth then moving down my neck to suck and lick at any part of my skin he could reach. I shivered at the sensation of the scrape of his teeth and the water droplets his hair left behind on my flesh, my head falling back against the fluffy pillows.

Though I felt myself twitch uncomfortably, growing antsy at how slow he was going considering how long it had been, my impatience eventually taking over. I quickly flipped us over so I was straddling him instead, a look of surprise crossing his face before he took a moment to take in every inch and curve. Every freckle and imperfection that he loved more than anything.

"Well, ain't you a sight." he said under his breath, his hands dancing right above my ass.

I rolled my eyes, "Shut up." I huffed before kissing him heatedly.

He instantly grabbed onto me, pulling me closer to where our chests were pressed right up against each other. And suddenly, there it was again. That heavenly feeling.

His steady heartbeat and soft breaths were the only sound that filled the room that we lied in, our legs tangled together. I ran my fingertips up and down his toned arm, while he stroked my head where he occasionally left a trail of kisses. The mattress underneath us felt very comfortable under my sore muscles, far better than the floor ever could anyway. In fact, the whole room had this peaceful atmosphere that I couldn't quite place. It was nice, but did it feel like home? That was the big question.

I then felt Daryl shift slightly from beneath my head, causing me to glance up only to see the grin still plastered on his face, his eyelids heavy. "Y'know...maybe this place ain't so bad." he joked.

I hummed as I rested my chin on his chest, "Why? Because we can end up in situations like this again?"

"Yep." he said simply, "I missed this."

"Me too." I agreed quietly, raising my hand up to move some of the hair that stuck to his forehead.

He took my hand and littered a few kisses onto my palm, before holding it close to his heart, "I love ya." he spoke, "And m' gonna stay here...for you. If that's what ya want."

I smiled sadly, "I don't know what I want..." I trailed off, the worry I had once felt now rushing back to me at full force it seemed like. Now the distraction was gone, forcing me to think about the things I wanted to avoid.

"What's wrong?" he sat up slightly.

I sighed, "I don't know how to feel about this place. Like something still seems off, and I...I just hope we can actually be safe here. I don't want to start all over again."

"Me too." he agreed, moving to kiss my forehead, "But we'll find out soon enough. And if it's not safe, we'll move on if we gotta. It'll be tough, but we'll make it through."

My head nodded slowly, "I know we will..."

My words left my mouth in a whisper, before we both unexpectedly tensed up at the sound of the front door opening loudly, only to close with another slam. The two of us flew out of bed, Daryl rushing over toward the bedroom door to close and lock it as fast as he could. But I couldn't help but laugh at the sight.

He glanced over his shoulder at me, "What?" he breathed.

"Nothing...just a nice view of your cute ass running to frantically lock the door." I spoke quietly, still slightly giggling to myself.

He sent me a playful glare, "Sorry, did you want whoever that is to see us buck naked?"

"No." I scoffed lightly with a roll of my eyes.

Though at the mention of the state we were still in sent a small shiver through me, the cold air hitting me harder than expected. I reluctantly walked over to the dresser to pick out a new pair of undergarments, attempting to cover myself back up again. But my movements were brought to a halt when I felt his strong arms snake around my waist to stop me from going further, his head ducking down to kiss my neck a few times.

"Someone's downstairs." I reminded him.

"Say the word and I'll kick 'em out." he mumbled against my skin.

I let out an airy laugh, "It's probably Glenn, I asked him to stop by and let me know how the community looked."

"I'll still tell him ta get lost."

"No," I protested gently, turning around to slide my arms around his neck, "I'm going to head down and talk to him while I still can. But..." I trailed off as I lifted my head up to whisper in his ear, "I'm all yours tonight, love."

He let out a low groan which caused me to smile, before I slowly parted from him to throw on a new change of clothes. But I could still feel his eyes trained to me, watching my every move all while I pretended not to notice. It was more fun that way, and more torturing for him.

"Ya don't know what ya do to me woman." he sighed deeply.

"I can only imagine." I smiled, my eyes trailing down his body in a hinting manner.

He followed my gaze, a faint blush appearing on his cheeks moments later when he noticed his excitement growing once again. I hummed in amusement, stepping over to leave a parting kiss on his cheek before heading out the door with the intent to walk downstairs.

But I stopped myself again momentarily, sticking my head in once more before I left, "You might want to jump in the shower again for a few minutes." I advised with a wink before shutting the door fully, hearing him chuckling just on the other side.

I stepped down the stairs slowly, peeking my head into the living room expecting to see someone occupying the space, but the room was left completely empty. My brows furrowed a little as I then ventured towards the kitchen, a little surprised to see Carl sitting in there instead of who I originally assumed. He sat slumped over on one of the stools with his back facing me, sipping on a glass of water as he sat quietly by himself.

Quietly, I made my way into the room, placing a soft hand on his back to get his attention. He jumped slightly, turning over his shoulder to which he let out a small breath of relief. "Sorry...I didn't think anyone else was here."

I shook my head, "It's okay. I couldn't quite force myself to socialize yet, so I figured I'd hang back." I joked.

He gave me a small smile and nodded, looking back down at the cup in his hands. It was easy to see that something was on his mind, finding myself taking a seat in the stool beside him and rubbed his shoulder gently to get him to look at me again.

"What's up, kid?" I asked softly.

He shook his head, "Nothing..."

I sighed, my hand falling from his frame, "Please, I can't go through this again today." I muttered quietly to myself.

He looked at me confused, "What do you mean?"

"Nothing." I laughed lightly, "Look, you don't have to get into it if you don't want to. But I'm always here if you need to talk. You know that."

He stared at me for a moment in clear contemplation, before letting out a breath of air, "It's stupid."

"I'm sure it's not. Shoot."

He sighed, "Well...I sorta met some kids my age, this guy Ron introduced me to a few of his friends...trying to make me feel included or something. And...I don't know, it was just weird. They were nice and everything, don't get me wrong, but it was kind of overwhelming. Guess I'm just not used to it."

My heartstrings tugged a bit in sympathy for the things he was feeling, understanding them all too well. "Oh sweetie, it's okay. I mean we all got here just yesterday, it's completely normal to feel a little swamped...and you want to know something?" He nodded. "I'm so overwhelmed, and I'm the one who's supposed to know what the hell I'm doing."

I managed to get him to smile a bit, feeling a bit relieved I was just as anxious about the new luxuries as he was. "Just give yourself some time because I'm telling you right now, we're all feeling overwhelmed about this, even if some of us won't admit it."

He was silent for a moment or two as he thought, "...Even Daryl?"

I laughed softly, "Even Daryl." I confirmed.

His smile slowly grew, "Thanks Ro." he whispered before leaning in, wrapping his arms around my shoulders in a comforting hug.

I held him close, holding the back of his head while my mind wandered to how much he'd grown up. It felt like just last week I was teaching him how to shoot and had to kneel down to his level to talk to him properly. But now he was practically a young adult and it sucked I couldn't do anything to stop it, especially since he had to mature so fast. Yet he had evolved into this smart, kind person, and I just wanted to give him everything he deserved in a world like this one. But in reality, all I could really do was be there for him when he needed me. And right now was a perfect example of that.

His arms finally let go after a few seconds, a smile still stretched on his face, "You're the best aunt ever." he said genuinely.

"And you're my favorite kid in the world." I replied, moving some hair from his face.

He furrowed his brows, "What about Judith?"

I shrugged, "Eh, she can't butter me up like you can yet."

He laughed heartedly, shaking his head at my smartass joke. I smiled at his reaction, seeing he seemed to be feeling better about the things he once doubted, but I couldn't linger on the moment for very long when something abruptly caught my eye from just over his shoulder. A few people I didn't recognize well ran just past the window and down the street, panicked looks on their faces. I didn't like the feeling that came after.

"If I told you to stay in the house, would you listen to me?" I asked.

"No." he answered honestly.

I shrugged, "Well, at least I can tell your dad I tried." I said before getting up from the stool and exiting the kitchen quickly, hearing his footsteps following right behind me just as I expected. "Daryl!" I called, pausing near the front door.

Not a second passed by before the man came running down the steps, fully clothed with his crossbow already in hand, "I saw it too, come on." he gestured to the two of us.

The three of us dashed out the door and down the road where the crowd gathered in the streets. There seemed to be an argument breaking out between Glenn and a man I had yet to meet, hovering near the giant gates as if they had just arrived back from a run of sorts. As we got closer to the scene, I gently grabbed Carl's arm so we would slow down together, not wanting him to get mixed up in whatever the hell this was.

"Stay back here, I mean it."

"Ro-" he tried to protest.

"Carl." I said sternly, giving him a pointed look to show just how serious I was.

I didn't wait for an answer before I parted from him, jogging the rest of the way to be aligned with everyone else, watching the man step closer to Glenn's face and muttering something I couldn't make out from where I stood. Tara instantly snapped at him to knock it off, but he did quite the opposite. He instead pushed Glenn by his shoulders intimidatingly, to try and get him to fight? Or something? I don't know, personally I still don't understand men. I tensed at the harsh shove, but didn't do anything. Although I found my hand hovering closer to the knife I kept on my hip without even meaning to. Instinct slowly taking over as I was prepared to defend him.

When Glenn tried to defuse the situation the man only knocked him back again, and I found I could no longer hold my tongue. "Hey, I would back the hell off if I were you." I said loudly.

The guy's head turned at the sound of my voice, scoffing to himself before looking me up and down, "Yeah? What's gonna happen if I don't?"

My mouth parted to say something more, but I stopped myself when his eyes focused on something just behind me, watching him visibly recoil. There was only about one person I knew who could make someone's skin turn pale with just one look that read a thousand things, I didn't even need to turn around to know he was there. Watching. Hovering behind me just in case the man was more bite than bark.

"No one's impressed man. Just walk away." Glenn muttered, his expression remaining unimpressed. Personally, I would've knocked his lights out by now. But Glenn was so patient it blew my mind.

"Aiden! What is going on?" Deanna's voice suddenly called out, approaching the scene with an angry look in her eye as she glanced between them. Trying to get a read on the scene.

"This guy has a problem with the way we do things." Adien responded and looked back at the smaller woman, "Why'd you let these people in?" he asked.

"Because we actually know what we're doing out there." Glenn clapped back.

It all then happened in a flash. Aiden whipped around to try and lay a punch on Glenn, but he dodged it quickly and knocked him across the face, sending him flying to the ground. The whole crowd erupted into shocked gasps and shouts of protest, Nicholas now left fuming, moving toward Glenn to swing at him to defend his friend. As if I was going to let that happen.

In a few short strides, I quickly tackled the man before he was successful, the two of us collapsing onto the pavement. A look of shock crossed his face as he saw me hovering above him, trying to shove me off in a fit of frustration before resulting to wrapping his hands around my throat, squeezing as hard as he could.

A wave of panic coursed through me at the familiar situation I found myself in, but it left just as quickly as it arrived. I snapped back into reality the moment I felt the air leaving my lungs, moving my leg higher to jam my knee harshly into his throat so his grip would loosen. He coughed and sputtered as his hands seemed to faulter on instinct, giving me the chance to remove his grip and hold both his hands high above his head while I kept my knee in place.

My heartbeat thumped loudly in my hears all while hearing the commotion of the people gathered around elsewhere, but that didn't make me want to stop. Not when this asshole had his hands around my throat only seconds ago.

It was then a pair of arms wrapped around me almost abruptly, pulling me out of my daze. "Let's not do this now." Rick's voice muttered close by my ear. When the fuck did he get here?

But I didn't respond, nor did I budge as I watched Nicholas's face get redder at the lack of oxygen, and my grip only tightened on his wrists. A man I barely knew tried to choke me out over a small disagreement, I wasn't going to stop without a fight. These entitled, sheltered people needed to be put in their place.

"Rose." Rick said sternly, suddenly grabbing me by my arms to finally tug me off of the man, pulling me back away from him.

I quickly shrugged his hands off of me, looking up in time to see Noah and Tara struggling to hold Daryl in place as he was practically seething. "You think yer tough puttin yer hands on a woman? Huh?!" he shouted, shoving the two away from him as if to try and get closer to Nicholas. Who now looked like he regretted even looking in my direction.

"Hey, hey! Enough!" Rick yelled, getting in between the two and pushing Daryl away before he got the chance to do anything just as stupid as I did.

Adrenaline was pumping through my entire body, causing my hands to shake, faced with the eyes of the people who had judged us the moment we walked in. Our reputation was clearly not holding up well. But my attention didn't remain on them for long before I felt Daryl making a beeline over toward me, his hands grasping my arms gently.

"Ya okay? Are ya hurt?" he whispered with panic lacing his voice.

I nodded my head, "I'm okay- I'm fine, I promise."

He didn't look too convinced, but Deanna's voice cutting through the air tore both of our attention away. "I want everyone to hear me!" she yelled to the large group of individuals, "Rick and his people are a part of this community now, in all ways! As equals! Understood?" she asked, looking straight at Aiden.

"...Understood." he repeated, an almost cocky smile brightening his face.

"All of you turn in your weapons, then you two, come talk to me." she demanded, gesturing to the men that started this whole thing.

The crowd of people then slowly began to disperse, my eyes following Glenn's frame as he attempted to move past me, but I gently grabbed his arm to stop him. Trying to come up with something to say. "We'll talk." he reassured before I could utter a thing, giving my shoulder a squeeze before swiftly maneuvering away from the scene.

I too wanted to squirm away from the awkwardness that remained, but judging by the look on Deanna's face, that apparently wasn't an option. Though she didn't look angry. More disappointed that the peace she had worked so hard to build towards, was now crushed in an instant. All because her son couldn't play nice with others.

Her gaze stayed on Rick, folding her hands in front of her, "I told you I had a job for you... I'd like you to be our constable. That's what you were...that's what you are." she announced before looking towards Michonne, "And you too."

The woman looked a bit shocked to be involved in this arrangement, but clearly she didn't mind. She almost looked happy to have something so important. But what shocked me the most was seeing Deanna's eyes then panning over directly to me. "And last, but certainly not least." she hinted.

I could feel Daryl tense from beside me, clearly sensing that he didn't love the idea. While I on the other hand was left incredibly confused at the sudden responsibly of securing this place. I will admit, I was good at my job before. But she didn't know that. She didn't know anything about me even though she claimed to numerous times. I somehow even convinced myself that I might be on baking duty right along with Carol, but clearly, I was very wrong about that.

"Will you accept?" she asked the three of us.

Rick looked hesitant for a moment before slowly nodding his head, "Okay..."

Michonne let a ghost of a smile play across her lips, "Yeah, I'm in."

And then all eyes turned to me.

If I was being completely honest, I almost wanted to decline. To ask for something more suitable for me now. Being a cop wasn't who I was anymore, and I felt I didn't want to go back to that old life. But then again, I couldn't really see myself doing anything else. Though this place didn't seem like the type of setting where I yearned to stay, especially if the new people were just as entitled as Adien and Nicholas just behaved moments ago. I had to give some kind of answer; however, I was left conflicted.

"I don't know." I said honestly, "Can I think about it?"

"Of course." she said instantly, "Take all the time you need...and thank you."

My expression morphed into confusion, "For what?"

"For knocking him on his ass...and then some." she replied.

Daryl stepped forward, "She shouldn't have ta do that round here, got hands wrapped round her throat in the process." he said harshly. "You said this place was safe? Control yer damn people."

The woman looked slightly taken aback at his tone, and I found myself placing a hand on his shoulder to pull him back a bit, not wanting him to completely take the woman's head off for something that wasn't her fault. Luckily he didn't push it despite how angry he still was, instead wordlessly tugging me back toward the house. And I let him. I didn't even want to think about Deanna's offer right now, or what happened just moments ago. This was apparently going to be more difficult than I thought.

By nighttime, it was peaceful. The darkness made our surroundings seem calmer than before; even though behind closed doors, it was far from calm. After word had spread about the encounter, the group remained hesitant about whether or not we could settle here. But Daryl was especially skeptical.

When we got back to the house he was fuming and paced around the living room about fifty times if I counted correctly, telling me over and over again how he didn't want to stay somewhere where I wouldn't be safe. I tried to reassure him that everything would be fine, that things would calm down and we would learn to live with the others. But honestly, I didn't know if I believed that myself. I just wanted him to calm down for the time being.

The bottom line was, what happened today really threw everyone for a loop. And we were apparently smart to second guess this community from the very beginning.

A chill that ran through the air made me shiver a bit as the night grew colder than the day, wrapping my arms around myself as the porch swing creaked slightly beneath me. Daryl glanced over when he sensed my movement, stubbing out the cigarette he was smoking to come over and sit beside me with a small huff.

His arm wrapped protectively around my shoulders, no doubt feeling the goosebumps rise on my bare arms, "Ya cold?" he asked softly.

I nodded, "A little."

He moved away from me slightly to shrug off his angel winged vest, handing it over to put around me instead, but it made me want to roll my eyes. "Your sleeveless bullshit isn't going to keep me warm." I joked as I shrugged it on anyway.

He scoffed, "Yer the one that got me that sleeveless bullshit." he pointed out, "I never heard ya complain bout it before."

"Yeah well, that's because I like to see your arms." I winked which only earned another scoff from him, though I managed to see the slight redness creeping up the back of his neck in embarrassment.

The front door squeaking open is what brought our eyes up toward the entrance, seeing Rick coming out of the house in his new police uniform he had received from Deanna. I hummed as I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to keep myself from smiling smugly at his appearance.

"Well?" he asked with raised hands.

I tilted my head to the side, "Hm...I don't know. Give us a spin." I said as I gently nudged Daryl's side.

He sighed and turned around slowly so we could see every angle possible, and I nodded to myself, "Yeah, I think I made up my mind. I don't think I want to look as ridiculous as you do right now."

Daryl snorted lightly while Rick's face only seemed to drop, "Seriously?"

"Oh my God, you look fine. I'm just pulling your leg." I reassured.

He let out a small sigh, nodding a bit in appreciation before looking at me for a moment. Contemplating. "Are we, uh...are we good?" he questioned hesitantly.

I squinted my eyes at him, "Yeah, we're good...but that doesn't mean I don't think you should've let me take care of that asshole."

"Nah," Daryl muttered, "I got plans for 'im."

Rick shook his head, "Believe me, I want that just as much as you do." he said as he approached us further, "But it was something that crowd did not need to see from us."

We all just nodded our heads in silent agreement, knowing he had a point now that the neighborhood had formed some kind of opinion about us. Regardless of who was right or wrong. The door creaking again broke the silence that settled, Carol stepping outside to face us while folding her arms around her middle at the sudden coldness.

"Are we staying?" she asked seriously, not wasting any time.

"I think we can start sleeping in our own homes...settle in." Rick said.

Carol shook her head, "If we get comfortable in here, we let our guard down. This place could make us weak."

He nodded, "I know, believe me I do. Carl was worrying about that too."

"He was?" I asked.

Rick looked over at me and nodded again, "But it's not gonna happen...we won't get weak, that's not in us anymore." he said, walking over to look at the houses before us. "We'll make it work," he continued, "And if they can't make it...then we'll just take this place."

My eyes found Daryl's just as Rick's words echoed around us like a silent vow. I read his expression intently, only to find that he seemed to be agreeing with Rick's plan just as much as I was. And along with Carol's high opinions as well, we knew she wouldn't have a problem with what was settled. It went without saying that this would only stay between us, and whatever happens, happens.

A heavy breath left my lips the longer I pondered our situation. Apparently, this was going to be a lot more difficult than I thought.

~ Thanks for reading! (Also please don't kill me, I promise a smut scene is coming! This chapter just became wayyy too long)

Taglist ~ @justareader95 @hayley1998 @ryoujoking @sipsthecoffee @winterassassin1804 @marsmallow433 @catlalice @writingstreetspirit @silentlysurffering98 @mystictf @remuslittlesister

[yellowhollyhock]

I feel like both Don and Raph could have helped Leo during his ptsd arc. Raph would be the only one who understands Leo’s anger and Don would understand almost getting everyone killed in his cased killed cuz of SAINW.

super sweet idea! I think it's true that they both would be able to relate to him in different ways, and it makes sense they'd try to reach him on those grounds. To be honest, I think that's exactly what would make it difficult for them to help--or well, not by necessity, but what did make it difficult for them to help

Anyways you gave me an excuse to overanalyze Don's reaction to Leo's ptsd arc, and while I'm here I'm doing Raph and Mikey as well

Okay let's talk about Donny. I've thought about this one a lot. We don't ever canonically see him dealing with what he saw in that alternate universe, other than immediately after when he hugs Mikey and Raph. But we can imagine. He's already someone who puts a lot of pressure on himself (ie Underground City). Now the big threat that's been weighing so heavy on him for so long, the thing that he went to the future and saw there was no way to beat except to sacrifice themselves, is gone.

He can finally rest.

And I do feel like that's the attitude we see. He's eager to take out some aggression on the PDs when they show up at the farmhouse, but it's not Obsessive Mode Donatello. Compared to how we know he gets when he thinks something is his fault or that someone needs him help, he Chillin. Also he immediately develops a crush on Jhanna. I mean that's just one reading, but as a lesbo recovering from severe emotional repression I think I know the face of a traumatized soul seeking solace in the idea of a future and falling too hard too fast for Stronk Smort Gorl as soon as she gives him a bit of attention, not that I, ahem, have uh, direct experience or anything

Anyway

I think he's making a very deliberate choice to stop taking things so seriously--to be a kid for the little bit of time he has left to be a kid. To cling on tightly to his relationships with his brothers above all else, because he knows (and likely has it fresh in his mind) he could lose them. Goofing off with Mikey isn't a distraction, it's a priority.

And then Leo is doubling down on being child soldiers. To Donny, all that work they did was to escape that life. Taking down the Shredder should mean, from his pov, they now get to focus on just living, building themselves a little corner of the world they can just stay in and be happy.

I had a breakdown of multiple episodes demonstrating this but my app crashed and it all got deleted so just trust me ok

Big important example though: Dragons Rising. Yes, Donny understands the mission, he'll play his part to get it done, but even more pressing is to make sure he preserves the light in Mikey's eyes. Now that the Shredder is dealt with that's the next thing on his checklist to make sure that future never happens. They put on silly disguises. He wears a mustache and does an old man voice.

Then Leo doesn't see the exact results he wanted from a planned mission and chews them out for treating it like a game. I can imagine how much that remark would sting for Donny specifically, assuming his brothers know about what happened in that alternate dimension. (do you think old man Leo, listening to this sixteen-year-old insisting that they should go after Shredder again, this time they would win, ever said something, even very gently, to the effect of 'be careful Donny, this isn't a game?' y-yeah me neither)

You can hear his barely contained frustration when he defends himself and the others with, "Leo, we did the best we could."

Which is ultimately what will help Leo. That's the exact mantra that brings him through the battle with himself. But he's not hearing it from Don; to him in that moment it just sounds like an excuse. And Donny, who is also a hurting traumatized teenager, very likely doesn't appreciate his hard-earned wisdom being dismissed as childish and lazy.

Now on to Raph: he talks explicitly throughout Leo's arc about how he can see himself in it, and out of everyone, I feel like we see him most directly trying to help. He's sticking right by his side, supporting his ideas, training harder when Leo asks him to train harder. Back to Dragons Rising: in stark contrast to Donny's almost scolding comfort, Raph waits until Leo leaves and then:

"I hate to say it, but Leo's right."

Everything Leo is saying and doing makes perfect sense to Raph--as far as he's concerned, where it goes wrong is when it gets too extreme. 'Yes we do need to take this more seriously, but he shouldn't yell at us.' 'Okay training more and harder is a good idea, but how much more and harder?' He gets needing to blow off steam--he watches Leo face the rat king, and holds back (which is not an easy thing for him to do) because he thinks Leo needs to work this out of his system.

After all, that's what Raph's always done. Step outside, get some air, find someone to take it out on who deserves it so that he doesn't take it out on his brothers. But you know what else Raph is always doing when he does that?

Finding someone to help.

And that's super healthy and really healing. But it's something he does naturally because he likes to, I don't know if he's connected it with helping to manage his temper (it's easy for us to see because we're watching it, but he's living it. Hard to notice patterns when you're in the middle of them).

Anyway, blowing off steam doesn't work for Leo. Every time he faces something down on his own just further reinforces to him that he's the only one taking this seriously, and he absolutely has to be perfect in order for his family to be safe.

I think a lot about Raph, seeing Leo get mad enough to hurt Master Splinter, and then watching him be sent away. From his teenage perspective, wouldn't it feel like Leo is being punished? Wouldn't he wonder about how far he's allowed to push things, how close he might have come in the past to being sent overseas? I think Leo really needed the time for himself and understood that to some extent. He probably felt it was a just punishment as well, but I think he realized Splinter was doing what was best for him. After all, he asked for his training to go to the next level. And he doesn't want to make another mistake like that.

But for Raph? I don't think he can imagine a worse punishment than being separated from his family, especially if he just hurt one of them. That moment between Leo and Splinter had to remind him a lot of himself and Mikey. Imagine how he would've felt if the answer to that had been, 'I can't train you anymore, go to Japan to meet a man you've never heard of who will teach you how to control your temper.'

Also later on when he realizes how much it did actually help and wasn't meant to be punitive, that absolutely would twist into 'why were Leo's problems that important but mine never were.'

So why isn't Leo receptive to Raph's help? Well he is. But his goal isn't to heal. He thinks he's doing the right thing by spiraling further and further. Leo would have sucked up Raph's loyalty not unlike what Shredder did to Karai. Obviously not to the same extreme, but he would keep expecting Raph to be right behind him and work towards his goals, and Raph would've kept thinking that the Leo he knew, an undeniably down to earth Decent Guy, was still in there and would be back if he just held out and stuck around. Raph is not hard and fast with rules, he'd make allowances for his brother who is clearly going through some things. And Leo would have just kept pushing.

Wow that got dark

Anyway

They love each other very much, and ultimately, the fact that Raph did stick it out for so long was likely a big help to Leo. He just wasn't able to see it for what it was until he first shifted his priority to achieving peace within himself, instead of trying to fix the rest of the world. And I do think when he gets back, he'll remember how Raph stuck by him even when he was being very difficult. Because he really did, more than anyone.

As for Mikey, he and Leo have plenty of differences, but they've always been on the same page about one thing: the greater good.

I think Mikey sees Leo doubling down and assumes it's similar to the last time they defeated Shredder: City at War. During that time, Leo and Mikey were the ones who wanted to go out and fix the mess the city was in, stay involved in gang politics. Raph and Splinter were staunchly against it, and Donny went to support and protect the others, with him and Mikey both frequently trying to gently rein Leo in (not something they normally have to do).

Mikey sees it all happening again. Leo feels responsible for the city's safety, doesn't want to rest on their laurels, going into hyper-vigilance after a big victory as an overcorrection from overconfidence.

So Mikey leans just as hard into confidence. He's skipping on training, doubling down on the jokes, anything he can to get Leo to lighten up, or, when that doesn't work, avoid Leo whenever he can. No one likes to be constantly criticized. Just like Donny, he gets defensive: they are doing good for the city, they will keep on winning. After all, he's already a superhero, and a Battle Nexus Champion.

It makes a lot of sense he starts bragging about that again--seeking comfort from the past when the present offers none--and is unfortunate for him that Raph and Donny are just as exhausted as he is from the micro management and constant negativity, and do not take the bragging well at all.

It's also something that ends up helping Leo a lot. Directs all that energy and rage towards a goal, helps him look outside of himself by focusing on helping Mikey, balances the guilt of perceived failures (of himself and of his family) with a simple clear-cut victory. And Mikey knows it helped, he gets to see Leo being closer to himself again. It feels like he's close to a much more important victory, so he keeps pressing. He tries talking more positively about Leo, because positive words mean so much to him and are what's been missing in their home.

It helps some. It might've helped more directly after the inciting event. Either way, it's not a solution. Outside praise has never been enough for Leo, if he's decided he's not where he should be he's gonna keep pushing himself until he achieves it.

And this time 'it' is the assured safety of his family, something he honestly hasn't ever experienced before, and as far as he's concerned, takes more than all of them combined have to give

Overall, yeah I do think both Raph and Donny would've had some useful wisdom to share if 1) anyone had noticed and asked 2) they were able to separate the coping/survival skills they used to deal with their traumas from The Way Everyone Should Deal with Hard Things (big ask from teenagers--as far as they're concerned what they've been through so far is how life works).

Those conversations could've been a big help, although I don't think any amount of family talks would solve things. Leo needed the in-show equivalent of professional help. He needed time away from his family, too, so he could see more clearly what he was doing to them and himself.

I also do think all three of them will have cause to think back later on Splinter's comments that they had healed, but Leo hadn't. I get what Splinter meant by this, Leo's response was maladaptive and even immediately dangerous, but my guy, nobody's okay just a couple months after a traumatic event like that. No not even with meditation, no not even if they are laughing and playing video games. Especially considering how much those boys had already been through. Not to mention the added trauma of Leo 1) having such a drastic personality change that manifested largely as aggression towards them, and 2) being sent away. but that's probably a whole other post lsbfksjs

[cozymochi]

What would your OCs think of each other if they met? I remember seeing how they'd interact with Tia, if I recall correctly, but I don't know if this was already asked.

I don’t think this was specifically asked before, so I’m just gonna yap under cut because. I’m probably not going to say anything too interesting.

(No drawings, sorry. Just rambling. So only the most die-hard of die hard are probably willing to peep this.)

Long winded answer under cut.

It’s hard to say.

On the one hand they were all made in their own bubbles, so the thought of them interacting with each other has hardly come up.

Then, on the other hand, in-universe, they’re all in different grade levels and that itself doesn’t help either when it comes to paths crossing.

But if TWST can come up increasingly asinine and inorganic reasons as why to exact same 21 guys + Prefect/Grim keep getting roped together but not any of the other 800 students, I don’t see why I can’t think of semi normal reasons for 3 guys to cross paths.

EMILO 🦜

- More likely to encounter Cecil since 1st years and 2nd years have joint classes sometimes. He would probably never hear about Cecil otherwise unless Kalim yapped or invited him to a Scarabia party since Kalim and Cecil are classmates.

- Emilio would find Cecil to be a bit… squirrely. And also hate his attitude cuz Cecil is kind of sardonic.

- They are two sides of the same coin, though. If Emilio got over himself for half a second they’d probably be stupid friends.

- As a 1st year student, Emilio is extremely unlikely to cross paths with Nyoka at all. However, he likely knows who he is since the Wadjet’s are supposed to be an important noble family.

- And of course, Emilio ALSO being from a noble family should be privy to knowing who every prominent family in Twisted Wonderland is (this is just something he does)

- He would immediately start kissing ass like he normally does with heirs so he has something to brag about back home.

- He would find Nyoka to be dignified! But uh, a bit erm… well… cold. The aura is overwhelming.

CECIL🌿

- Cecil shares a class with Kalim, so if Kalim yapped enough I’m sure Emilio’s name would pop up at some point. If not through Kalim, through Sebek because Emilio and Sebek are classmates, and Cecil tends to be a fly on the wall in Diasomnia. He would hear of him first before ever meeting him. (Two polar opposite takes)

- Cecil would find Emilio annoying and pretentious. He would hate Emilio’s uppity attitude.

- If Cecil stopped being a hermit maybe they could be friends.

- Cecil is only slightly more likely to encounter Nyoka if only because Cecil frequents the library for his own reasons- and that’s Nyoka’s stomping grounds.

- Cecil would be absolutely mortified of Nyoka, BUT!!! Nyoka seems… okay? But he is not willing to possibly upset him and get bit so he treads carefully.

NYOKA🫖

- Nyoka spends far too much time being out of the way. He’s not privy to much interaction from anybody unless asked to by his Housewarden or a staff member. Otherwise he will just go through the motions and keep to himself.

- He is not likely to hear about Emilio or Cecil in any capacity since neither are all that significant. He shares a class with the dang Housewarden of Diasomnia, but that guy is in his own world.

- He would find Emilio to be a try-hard and suss out pretty quickly that the boy is trying to overcompensate for something.

- If Emilio starts sucking up to him, Nyoka will test to see how far he’s willing to go to, not unlike what Jamil already does to Emilio. …Except, worse. Not that it matters.

- Nyoka would find Cecil to be yet another skittish mouse. That said, ultimately harmless.

- At most, Nyoka can appreciate Cecil’s interest in lesser discussed magical artifacts/history. So, if assistance is needed in locating or identifying something, he is willing to do so.

- But that’s it.

- Scaring him is fun, low key.

…

Honestly some of this info requires knowledge of some established lore I’ve discussed maybe once before. MOSTLY FOR EMILIO WHICH IS LOCATED RIGHT HERE.

…

The overlap of classmates, dorm mates and club mates are where things get freaky.

OKAY BYE THANKS ALL 2 oF YOU wHO PEEP THIS.

[ladyhavilliard]

mo dao zu shi tarot

the hanged man:  pause, surrender, letting go, new perspectives

wheel of fortune | jin guangyao

death | wei wuxian

the tower | jiang cheng

[shuploc]

So... I may or may not be cooking up a little something of a certain spider of the punk variety... 🎸🕷️

[joltrify]

id sell my left soul and my lung for more disabled Ben 10 aliens please omg

<3

hope i did okay this time around; still getting back into the swing of things

[invader-reggie]

Bakugou: was it casual?

Izuku: Yea sorry bro mb

[t4tadrienette]

Goku definitely wanted to train Gohan for fun, just like Grandpa Gohan did with him, but then he wanted to respect Chichi's desire of him not becoming a fighter. He also spent 4 years of Gohan's life together and living peacefully.

But then he died, and when he came back, he found that Gohan was turned into a fighter by Piccolo, fair, I guess. He didn't see him fight, tho, he doesn't know the story behind him becoming a fighter, just that he was trained by Piccolo.

Then Gohan wants to go to Namek to find the dragon balls because he has to make sure their dead friends come back, and Goku goes wow that sounds like me, he also can't stand to stay on the side when it comes to these things.

Weeks pass, and now he's finally able to reach them on Namek. They have to fight, of course. Things happen. He's the only chance they have to defeat Freezer. Things fall apart now, Goku becomes Super Saiyan and tells Gohan to take Piccolo and get away. Goku is stuck alone on Namek. He saves himself by pure luck. He decides to stay where he is, to learn something new, to be able to also control his Super Saiyan state.

A year passes, and he comes back to earth. News from the future, saying that in 3 years, there's gonna be a new threat. They have to train, Gohan wants to train with him and Piccolo to fight this new threat. The three years have passed, and now there's another threat outside of the androids. Goku finally healed, he gets Gohan and tells him they're gonna train to defeat Cell. Gohan accepts to train with him. Gohan puts his all into that training, and Goku finds out Gohan has so many capabilities than what he shows. That's good! They have a chance at defeating Cell, maybe.

They finish their training, Goku wants Gohan to spend as much time with Chichi, and he wants to spend the remaining days before the Cell games as a family, you never know. The Cell games start, and Goku goes first to study him, to see how strong he is and if Gohan might have a chance. Oh, Gohan definitely has a chance. Come on, Gohan, now is your turn, I can tell you know you're stronger. Gohan is having difficulties, tho, Goku says it's just a matter of time before his fighting instict and anger sets in. But Gohan doesn't like fighting. That knowledge comes to Goku as a shock. He always assumed Gohan was fighting for the safety of the earth and for the love of fighting as well. At the end of the day, how could he think different, he never truly saw Gohan fighting, and at the end of the day, he was just picking up what Piccolo started in the first place. He never truly showed a disliking for fighting, or at least he never told him. He didn't know how in his first fighting against the Saiyans, he was petrified by fear. He wasn't there for the love of fighting, but because he had to, since he had this power.

Goku realises he miscalculated this. He immediately tells Krillin to pass him a bean so that he can get back into shape to go help him. Of course, Cell stops him before that. After Cell started to attack the others, finally Gohan snapped and unleashed his power, Goku was right after all. Gohan was definitely more powerful than him. He was the right warrior to defeat him. Gohan needs to defeat him once and for all, tho, but he doesn't. He says he has to have a slow and painful death. Those are some shocking words coming from Gohan. It doesn't sound like him. Well, now that has brought some problem, Cell is now about to explode and take all the earth with him. Now Goku has to make a decision. He will sacrifice himself. At the end of the day, he was the one to put Gohan in that position in the first place. It's only fair for him to do that. But, his sacrifice is useless, Cell comes back. Gohan tries his hardest, but his arm is broken. How can he defeat him now. But Goku is there to help him find the strenght and the others too. In the end, Gohan finds the strength to finally beat him.

It's time to revive people. There's still the problem of Goku not being able to be resurrected a second time. They think hey maybe we can use the dragon balls from Namek. But Goku stops them. He thinks that Bulma was right. He only attracts threats that put the earth in jeopardy, Piccolo, the Saiyans, the androids, and Cell. Maybe if he stays dead, they will stop coming. Like that, he will not put Gohan in danger anymore, Gohan will not have to fight anymore. So at the end of the day, it's better for him to stay away, rather than him staying with them, after all he was the one to put Gohan in that situation in the first place. In the end, he makes the selfless choice for Gohan. Maybe it's better for him not to have a father, but being safe, than having a father and being put into danger. At least, that's what he thinks is the right thing to do