#i don't even know why i'm posting this

[clockworkdragonffxiv]

Man, fuck cancer.

I lost one of my players to it last week. I met Jacquie through our City of Heroes supergroup where she was Luna Red in 2008 and in 2010 we heard the CoH devs were doing a thing at PAX East in Boston. "Hey, I'm from Boston!" so myself, Jacquie and Stan met up at the Hub to see it. We met up for the next few PAX Easts, even after CoH died.

Stan was the one who ended up introducing Jacquie to Mike, at a Transformers convention of all things. They got married a few years later, and she eventually became a special education teacher focusing on music. Through her, Mike eventually decided to quit his job in sales and become a social worker.

When the Pandemic hit, I hadn't really talked much to Stan or Jacquie in a few years. We were still friends, just, y'know, busy. But we were all locked inside in April 2019 with nothing better to do, so fuck it, let's play D&D.

For nearly four years Jacquie, Mike, Stan, Katie, and Will met every week over Discord for more of my rambling story from level 3 to level 17 as they battled murder hornets, robot revolutionaries, an overlord of death (they were piloting a 10,000 year old colossus), the Jabberwock, conversed with a giant spider, talked the robot revolutionary to change sides, threw a concert alongside a shapeshifting bard-assassin warforged who always greeted Jacquie's bard with "HEY GIRLFRIEND! :D" and turned into a giant eagle to bypass my plans on at least three occasions.

During 2020-2021 we found out Jacquie had cancer. Lymphoma. They did a hard reboot on her immune system using hard radiation and stem cells that sounded like something out of science fiction. We thought she had it beat.

Last fall, it came back. Hard. She fought it with everything she had, and Mike - a kind and sensitive man who had fallen for this vivacious, warm-hearted woman - was with her the whole time.

We lost Jacquie on Friday. She was 39 years old. I'm still processing it.

There's plenty more I could say, but it's not important.

I miss my friend.

[sammybeann]

I'm drunk on a Monday and can't stop thinking about "I LIKE MY SOOOOTCASE".

[nightstandart]

Diving suit concept based on the nautilus

[enby-dragoon]

I just had a big argument with my mother, and I need to vent a little.

We were discussing laws and legality, and I mentioned that some of our laws were racist (we live in a very racist country, one of our political parties is all but an open Nazi party, and open racists. Only two out of eight major parties are even center-left, of which one is almost a single issue climate party) and... She refused to consider it, always deflected to talking about how the law is enforced (which is also racist, to be fair).

I took up examples of racist laws, and she could accept it when it was from another country, but as soon as it came to our own she was all "Well I haven't seen it." incapable of even considering it.

Things got heated and I said that arguing with her is just like arguing with a Nazi (which she got quite mad at, probably my fault for using such a charged word, I'll admit that).

I explained it to her later, but the basic idea goes like this:

'It's not a problem, and if it is a problem then it isn't our fault, and if it is our fault it's not a common thing, and if it is common it's not that big of a deal.'

They always try and deflect away because they know, on some level, that they don't really have a good argument.

just as I had predicted to my father (who was trying to defuse the situation), she admitted she could think of a few racist laws (one she even took up earlier!), but that it was a recent thing that only happened in the past 2 years when the really racist party started to become really popular. 'It's not a common thing' essentially.

I've never really been able to argue with her, she always has to win, and she always twists things around so she's the victim. At best she'll concede a few days later that I might have been right about something, and then do it again after a week or two.

It hurts but... I don't know if she'll ever change how she acts as long it would inconvenience her or force her to admit she might be wrong.

I don't know if I can trust her. I don't know if I ever could and I've just been lying to myself for years.

When I first came out as trans I was really nervous and she was excited because she thought I'd gotten a girlfriend, despite the fact that I'd already told her I was AroAce. At the time it hurt a bit, but... Thinking back on it, I don't think she ever really saw me as AroAce, and I'm not sure she really see's me as trans either. It doesn't align with the idea of me in her head, and so I have to be wrong.

I'm scared of how she'll react when I start my transition. I don't know if I'll be safe with her. She's cautioned me against HRT several times before...

My sister gave up, moved to another city to get away from her. Maybe she was right.

I've been trying to get her to change for years. maybe it's time to admit I can't. She won't change for me, no matter how much I beg. She doesn't want to change.

Maybe I should just give up...

I just... I don't know what to do.

[possibly-drunk-on-fanfiction]

Y'know what the most vexing thing about shipping is. It's the fact that no matter how you ship the discussions just never end.

Example: your ship is either asexual or allosexual.

But it doesn't stop there!

In the asexual branch you get to bicker over whether or not your ship has sex at all. You've got the people who say no sex, only cuddles. And then you have the people saying that asexual people have sex too.

The more well known frustration of the allosexual side is the fight between who tops and who bottoms. Some of you just groaned and got flashbacks of this. Don't lie to me.

It's great 🙃 it's all just great.

Yay for semantics.

[originalartblog]

Apparently much-needed reminder that reposting artists' art (by saving the images or screenshotting them and reuploading them yourself) on other platforms without the artists' expressed permission and without credit is theft and an insult to their passion and craft. You are profiting (in views, in attention, in feedback) from someone else's work and ideas, who do not get that feedback for sharing their creation.

If you are an art reposter, you are a thief and I have no respect for you.

[tempo-takoyaki]

Memories of the past.

[keii]

late morning

[moongothic]

Crocodad AU where immidiately after having left Dragon and his baby boy Crocodile finds an 11 year old Robin. And while he's 100% only recruiting her so they can make a beeline for the Poneglyph and Pluton in Alabasta by the two of them... Crocodile accidentally sorta kinda adopts Robin.

At this point Robin's been running for her life from the Government for three years so her deep trust issues and fear of betrayal are starting to take root in her little heart. Like perhaps they haven't taken fully over yet, and being still a child I'm sure Robin might've still had that genuine hope that she could find a safe place to stay in. But I'm sure the though of "what'll he'll do with me once he gets what he wants?" would be nagging at her at the back of her mind. Meanwhile Crocodile's struggling between the pain and hurt he's already gone through and given him his trademark trust issues, as well as the aftermath of The Dragodile Divorce. But he also has his Fresh Paternal Instincts and probably misses his baby. So when given a small, scared child who is running for her life, being chased by the very same Government that'll want his son dead if they ever find out about him... Yeah that might fuck with your brain a little

You know this post was supposed to be just that first paragraph and just a few footnotes from the following two paragraphs. And then I kept on Having Thoughts. And I kept on writing them down. And oh no what happened when did this post get so long (Look I was going to either kept on writing my Additional Thoughts in the tags or I just put them in the actual fucking post)

Like considder this: based on this one SBS, we can kinda tell that if Crocodile was given a chance to raise a child, that child would be a spoiled little shit, right

So in this scenario, where Crocodile's looking after lil Robin, would he be kind of torn? Unsure how to feel about her?

Because on one hand, this strange child would have the potential to not only ruin his plans, strip him of his Shichibukai Privileges by outing him and his plans to the World Government, but also put his son in grave danger by extension (if she found out about him having been involved with the Revolutionaries and/or having a child). But on the other hand, his paternal instincts could make him want to spoil this poor little girl rotten. But only because he needs to (perhaps literally) buy her trust so she'll behave. No other reason, he doesn't feel sorry for her one bit, no sirree. (But maybe he did feel sorry for her, since his son could very well end up exactly like her. Poor little thing) (Which is why he needs to nuke Marijoa out of orbit as soon as possible, no matter the cost, and this child can't get in the way of Crocodile protecting his son) (But also this is a child. Like how bad could she be. Besides all he really needs to do to win her trust is be nice and make her feel safe, right?)

Of course, while I'm suggesting Crocodile could have some parental instincts, realistically, he hasn't actually spent any time being, you know, a father to a child (looking after his newborn for an unknown though short amount of time aside), so it's possible he wouldn't even know how to parent Robin even if he wanted to, would he? (Like taking care of a newborn and an 11 year old kid aren't the same either) So if he was kind of just emotionally flipflopping between No Trusting Ever and It's Just A Kid for God's Sake, Crocodile trying to be nice to Robin to make her feel safe and then telling himself to stop being so soft and vunerable... Yeah that would make for an absolute mess of a relationship. (Not to mention, let's be real, dude's a scary motherfucker too, and a bloody giant compared to itty bitty baby Robin. He could keep on accidentally scaring the shit out of Robin (who would be On Fucking Edge To Begin With) by just Being Himself. Like for example, can you fucking imagine if he caught Robin trying to cheer herself up with a little "dereshishishi" only to tell her to stop because "it was stupid"? 'Cause I can imagine him doing that, and boy howdy would that make Robin feel bad)

Or who knows, maybe Crocodile was just Born To Be A Dad, maybe he just Fucking Gets It. Like Crocodile is canonically pretty good at manipulating people to do what he wants them to do (see: how he played Vivi like a fiddle), so knowing Robin's position and understanding how she feels, maybe he COULD completely nail how she needed to be treated. Not being too familiar but still making her feel safe and happy, knowing exactly when to be stern and when to spoil her, etc. Dude just goes off and wins the Dad of the Year Award while being a deadbeat dad himself. The only thing Crocodile would have to worry about then would be making sure HE doesn't get too fond of her. And certainly that could never happen, he's so in-touch with his own feelings and so grounded, he's not a softie, get outta here. Or maybe he does but never realizes until it's too late and good luck backpedalling on those emotions now dumbass

Alright so, the reason I went on that whole rmble is just that like. I'm so interested in the relationship Robin and Crocodile already have in canon. I'm so facinated and curious about how the two feel about each other, considdering they did spend 4 whole years of their lives together as criminal business partners, though neither ever trusted the other. A partnership that was only ended because Robin betrayed Crocodile, out of her own trauma. (God, I want to see these two "reunite" so bad, I want to know how they feel about each other now after the timeskip and Robin joining the idiot in flipflops who foiled Croc's plans)

My question here is just that... if they had met 13 years earlier, would things have been different? Especially if Crocodad Real? Because as I mentioned in the begining, Robin would've been on the run for only 3 years by this point, as opposed to 16 years before running into Crocodile. Simultaneously, this would be before Crocodile went onto spend an entire decade all alone, slowly losing his marbles in his emotional solitude. They'd both be emotionally traumatized, yes, but would it have been as bad in this scenario? Like I did start this post kind of joking about Crocodile adopting Robin, and for clarity's sake I don't think they'd have like a father-daughter relationship nececarily. But it would be a strange relationship still, because we'd have two broken people, both struggling to trust anyone. One who had lost her mother and her only friends, leaving her all alone and afraid while running for her life. The other a father who had just given up his son whom he probably missed dearly. Both having these holes in their hearts from loss of family, holes that could not be filled with replacements. But could they find comfort in each other anyway, because they still as people occupy similar roles to their respective loved ones? If they both could just get over those trust issues?

Okay I've been going off on the Emotional Side Of Things for this AU Concept, THERE'S PLOT TOO

So if Crocodile did pick Robin up like 19 years ago, that should be before he set up base in Alabasta, long before he had built is homebase and financial empire etc.

Now the thing is, while we don't know when, where and how Crocodile learned about the Ancient Weapons, Pluton specifically and how the lead on it would be in Alabasta... Considdering Crocodile did once upon a time aim to become Pirate King, it would make perfect sense if he had learned about Poneglyphs during his past adventures, as he would have needed to get the Road Poneglyphs to find One Piece. And while the World Government did bury the truth about why Ohara had been burned down and why Robin had been given her bounty (remember, the WG claimed it was because she had sunken a fleet of battleships, which she had not, it was because she could read the Poneglyphs), considdering this is a Crocodad AU specifically, you could totally make an argument Crocodile could've learned about what actually happened to Ohara from Dragon and co. So, just to make this AU work, you could just assume Crocodile learned about the concept of the Ancient Weapons from Dragon. And who knows, maybe he overheard the truth about why Robin had been given her bounty from Dragon too (maybe Dragon was able to get intel from Garp in secret) or while going to Marijoa himself to attend a Shichibukai meeting or something IDK.

Maybe he learned about Pluton being in Alabasta before finding Robin by accident, and maybe they made a beeline for Alabasta the second Croc recruited Robin. Travelling takes time and the guy would've most likely had to find an Eternal Pose to Alabasta just to get there (also canonically Robin didn't enter the Grand Line until her 20s so they should've met in West Blue probably, since that's where Ohara was) Or maybe Crocodile had to haul Robin around for a few months while looking for That Missing Piece of Information that would lead him to Alabasta. (Imagine the two travelling from like island to island, library to library, Crocodile trying to find that leads while Robin's just so excited about ALL THESE BOOKS (she's helping too with the research) (but to her, research is playtime, so she's just having the time of her life) (Also, notice how Crocodile's Theoretical Child is a fucking loser ass nerd? Yeah Crocodile would encourage Robin reading and studying, surely. And that would be fucking cute))

But like, once they set sail to Alabasta...

Sure, Crocodile could try to do it The Slow Way that we know he tried in canon, building trust and creating his little empire etc. But also, in canon, Crocodile couldn't have jumped into action head first because without Robin, even if he had found the Poneglyph he couldn't have read it and found the location of Pluton. Crocodile choosing to do it the slow way may have been partially because he didn't have much of a choise and it could've felt like the smarter move long-term.

But in this scenario, he already has Robin. Yes, he could do it the slow, secure way.

But what'd be there stopping him from infiltrating Cobra's palace and kidnapping him (in the night, when nobody suspects a thing), demanding Cobra to spill the beans lest Crocodile kills him and/or his pregnant wife* (*Vivi was born 10 months after Luffy so depending on how long it's been between Crocodad leaving Luffy behind and this scenario... Yeah either the wife is there, still pregnant, or there's a newborn Baby Vivi)

Like it'd be a risky move but depending on how ballsy Croc's feeling and how confident he feels in being able to kidnap the king without being noticed... Yeah he could probably do it. And I'm sure he'd have no problem killing Cobra either, if anything it'd be required if he didn't want the Government to find out he was out to find Pluton, and god knows Cobra would tell on Crocodile if left alive. I could see Crocodad being maybe a little iffy about killing Baby Vivi though (it's not like the newborn baby could report him to the WG anyways), but if nothing else, he just needs to be able to pull off the bluff of his life to convince Cobra to do as he's told. And we all know Crocodile's good at convincing people.

The only question is, how would Robin take that?

Watching Crocodile go into Full Murder Mode, hearing him say he'd kill a pregnant woman/a newborn baby if he didn't get what he wanted? Like yeah, I'm sure 11 year old Robin would be fine with that, that wouldn't make any alarm bells go off in her head at all, it'd be fiiiine. IT WOULD NOT BE FINE, SHE'D BE SCARED SHITLESS. That fear of "what will he do with me when he gets what he wants"? Well, Robin may not have found the answer to that question in particular, but she certainly found the answer to the opposite question, and it's not good

So say Cobra, kidnapped (perhaps with Baby Vivi) by Crocodile in the night, guides the two to the Poneglyph under the tombs. Crocodile puts Cobra out of his misery because he's not needed anymore. And he asks Robin to read the Poneglyph for him.

Robin, who has spent the last little while, be it weeks or months with Crocodile, him having become her "guardian", the thing keeping her safe. Crocodile, who has now shown how cold blooded and cruel he can be. Robin, who might be scared out of her mind. Of him.

And the Poneglyph says Pluton, the thing Crocodile wants, isn't there. It's in Wano.

What's she going to do?

EDIT: I wrote a sequel post, enjoy

[royalarchivist]

Tubbo: Can this day get any worse? My two besties started shagging, and all my machines have broken, and my- my- my roof has been replaced–

Tubbo:

Tubbo's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (aka the day Tubbo discovers Badboyhalo's snow prank). ☃️

[egophiliac]

couple more quickies, because I gotta work through my Shroud-family feelings before I can even begin to process the Diasomnias, please bear with me 🙇

anyway, I couldn't decide which composition I liked better, so I did both!

[pleaseinsertwittyurl]

There are always 2 sides.

The discourse around Louis and Lestat being a victim and abuser and nothing more drives me insane.

Something i don't think enough people remember is that the very same reason the fight began in 1×05 (lestat grabbing claudia by the throat when she tries to "take louis away") we see Louis himself do to her in 1×07 when she tries to get Louis to burn Lestat.

They BOTH would harm her rather than live in a world without the other. They are both guilty of abusing her and each other.

There is an implication that a good deal of time passed between Louis and Lestat meeting and the church. Louis expresses that he shares himself with Lestat in a way he only had with Paul. I would assume that goes both ways, to a degree. We know Louis knows at least enough about Nicki to discourage Claudia poking that wound. He also clearly knows that the threat of leaving is his most powerful weapon against Lestat.

Mental abuse is abuse. And Louis abused Lestat mentally for years. Shaming him, ridiculing him, shutting him out, manipulating him into making Claudia (a traumatic moment for him, whether Louis understands the depths of it or not) by promising to give him what he's being denying him, promising to never put him through what he fears the most.

Louis admits to purposely making Lestat suffer. He admits he was warned that Claudia would suffer and he wanted her anyway because he needed to feel redeemed. He is not innocent. He is not a trapped, weak victim. He made choices to hurt both Lestat and Claudia time and time again.

Does this justify Lestat's actions in 1×05? Obviously not. But we now know Louis was not willing to stop the fight. He taunted Lestat the same way he taunted the Alderman. He was unleashing years of frustrations just as Lestat was. His priority was not to protect Claudia, it was to hurt Lestat, consequences be damned.

I hate the drop scene as much as the next person and Lestat has admitted he will never earn forgiveness for what he did. But if you view Louis as some squeaky clean victim who was manipulated, trapped, and abused by Lestat you are missing so much of what this show is conveying.

We will always tend to paint ourselves as the hero of our own story. It is hard to accept your faults or that you hurt people you love. It is much easier to shift that blame on to someone else, to frame them as the villian. But life is not usually that black and white. Claudia had harsh words for them both in her diary, even before they got to Europe, for a reason. They both made hurtful mistakes with her, both treated her like a pawn in their relationship instead of a person, both harmed her, took away her choice, never prioritized her.

That is the great tragedy. That she never had a choice and was not allowed to be her own person. And in the end, they both are responsible for her misery and her death. That's what makes the reunion scene so important. They have been grieving her and carrying that guilt alone, all the while longing for the comfort of the other for 70+ years. Louis has found clarity in his memories, he has accepted his role in their suffering, he has seen Lestat's perspective more fully. Lestat is broken, totally consumed with that guilt and grief. Both know that although they cannot change what they've done, they can forgive the other, even if they can't forgive themselves. They can love each other despite everything they've done to one another because they cannot stop loving each other. But now they can try to rebuild that love from the rubble.

[atalienart]

✧*:･ﾟArt summary 2024

2014-2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021

[janederscore]

i think the thing that probably frustrates me the most about transmisogyny is that its completely impossible to talk about in a way that expresses how much its woven into the fabric of your whole life. and to point it out is something that is constantly dismissed as pure paranoia or attention-seeking behavior, right. surely we're just overthinking things, reading into malice that's not there, etc.

and its like . i am watched, everywhere i go. people notice me the second i step outside my apartment and they keep an eye on me. when i go to get in the car my neighbors watch me. if there are kids playing outside all conversation Stops Dead until they're sure the threat is leaving. i drive exclusively the speed limit and keep an extremely vigilant eye out for cops bc if i have to interact with one i don't know if the exchange will turn violent. pretty much any exchange feels like it can turn violent, is the thing. i don't go anywhere anymore because people will silently flash weapons to Prove that they could turn it violent, if they wanted. i don't even check the mail.

and you can talk about all of that. and people will still look down at you like you're a three year old infant and coo "aww. welcome to being a woman, sweetheart."

[royaldollybox]

Good day, I bring ye more The heart killer text posts

This time featuring Kant and Style becuase I am facinated by their friendship

I have yet to recover from my madness

Post 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11

[bogkeep]

the third draft of an open wound spite poem i wrote a couple years ago, processing trauma in a cool, socially acceptable way at 11pm at a bus stop after yet another work shift at the hotel. i think i've been needing to set it free like a bug i've been carrying in my caged hands