#i don't even have words for this
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#i don't even have words for this#<3#han#han jisung#jisung#stray kids#skz#straykids#interview with kittens#gif#gifs#skz gifs
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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the men and boys are innocent too.
we cry "the innocent women and children" to appeal to the masses, to try and force their sympathy, but the men and boys are innocent too.
I have seen sons crying out for their mothers, their fathers, their siblings. I have seen them break down at the loss of their families. I have seen them cling to their dead and grieve.
I have seen fathers cradle their dead children, seen them kiss their faces and hold their little hands. I have seen them faint with grief when asked to identify the dead. I have seen them carry their sons and daughters. I have seen them fasting to provide what little they can for their families.
I have seen men and boys digging through the rubble with just their bare hands, I have seen them comforting strangers, playing with children, rocking them, hushing them, even if the face of such imminent danger. I have seen them cry, seen them grieve, seen them break down into each other's arms, seen them be selfless, beyond selfless, becoming something I don't have a word for.
I have seen the men who are doctors refuse to leave their patients, even when they have no medicine or supplies to give them, even when they're threatened with bombings. I have seen fathers who have lost all their children pick orphans up into their arms and proclaim them their child so they are not alone. I have seen men and boys digging pets out of the rubble.
the men are innocent too. the men and boys are being hurt and killed too. the men and boys are grieving too. the men and boys are scared too. the men and boys are fighting to save their people too. the men and boys deserve to be fought for too.
#I don't have words to describe how I feel for the men of Palestine#the things I have seen them do after everything they have been through goes so far beyond selfless#what do you call this? this prevailing goodness and willingness to give everything they have and more? what word even touches it?#I don't think there is one#islamophobia has conditioned us to see these men and boys as evil and dangerous#we see this in how we speak about Palestine#and we need to uncondition ourselves#they're just as innocent and of value and good as the women and children#so fight for them#they don't deserve this any more than the women and children#free palestine#palestine
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don't think I'm not still obsessing over 7-12
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 12 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 12 spoilers#sorry it's even scribblier than usual :') hopefully my chickenscratch is legible#anyway come here and join me in the corner where we go to be embarrassing about anime characters#just. between riddle and trey's dreams i've been thinking a lot about how#trey knew this kid for like two months when he was nine and then never really got over him or how their friendship ended#which. honestly. understandable given the circumstances#and then when they finally met again riddle acted like they'd never met before and neither he nor trey ever intended trey to be his vice#but every time riddle talks about his childhood post-incident it's basically#'oh yeah i constantly thought about trey and che'nya and fantasized about still being friends with them! this is fine and normal'#(there's a bit in one of his birthday cards where he talks about crossword puzzles and shit man that one got me)#idk. i can't put this into words very well#just...the implications that riddle was actively resisting trey's friendship#(presumably because it ended SUPER badly last time and he's learned that if he shows he wants something it gets taken away from him)#and trey had to work REALLY hard to just to get to the point they were at by the time canon starts#that was progress somehow#y'all can call him boring all you want but trey's defining feature really is that he keeps being like#'everything's fine :) this isn't a big deal :) i don't care that much'#(trey on the inside: THIS IS THE BIGGEST DEAL THAT I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT AND I WILL NEVER LET IT GO)#anyway i continue to be absolutely murdered by the timing of riddlepunzel directly after this#riddle's line about not wanting to keep standing in front of a door that's never going to open...#hey. hey silly gacha game about anime disney boys.#you are not actually allowed to do this to me#oh shit oh damn i'm out of tags and i haven't even talked about cater yet. NO BUT I HAVE LOTS OF FEELINGS THERE TOO --#(i am crushed under a falling safe looney tunes style)
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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side
#m/cc#mine#I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges#and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like#a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with#there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example#or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone#*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have#I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side#for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others#for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me#and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public#and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist#that's why there's so much awareness happening for it#but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people
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palestine is in a complete and utter blackout with israel launching hundreds of its heaviest airstrikes so far across gaza. this is a mass slaughter and we won't even know the extent of the casualties until it's over; israel have cut off telecommunications so they can commit their atrocities in the dark. there is a genocide happening right in front of our eyes and every person who has ever defended israel's "right to defend itself" has the blood of palestinians on their hands. we cannot ignore what is one of the most devastating massacres in human history.
#i don't even have the words ive never felt this sick to my stomach before#and people are just posting abt their fucking halloween costumes or a new album drop like im sorry but i cant even understand how#anyone can possibly not care about whats going on.#palestine#free palestine
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I relate to Jinx so much I too would get attached to this cutie pie and give my life for her if needed and lose my shit if something happened to her. Fuck y'all I'm grieving
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#arcane#arcane spoilers#arcane season 2#isha#isha arcane#jinx#jinx arcane#jinx and isha#edited because somehow my autocorrect got patootie instead of cutie pie and idk how if i have never even used the word patootie lmao#i don't even know what it means
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ok someone please correct me if i'm wrong but am i weird for thinking those 'audiobooks don't count as reading' posts are ableist as fuck????
#ramble#my first thought was like: how is this even a debate what about blind people. not every book comes in braille but MOST have an audiobook#or dyslexic people#you still enjoyed the book!! you still absorbed it!!! you got EXACTLY the same thing as people who read the words!!!#how does it not count????#i guess you miss out on the 'learning new vocab' you get through seeing the words but also#i don't really do audiobooks but i do a lot of podcasts esp fiction podcasts#and i have ABSOLUTELY picked up new stuff from there that helps with my writing#someone please explain how this is even an argument of COURSE it counts????#idk in my opinion finishing a book means 'i put the words in my brain and i thought about them and i enjoyed a story'#not 'i held a stack of paper in my hands for a bit'#i'm v lucky that i do have time to sit and read. and whenever i commute anywhere it's public transport so i CAN bring a book with me#but if i didn't have the free time or had to drive for hours everywhere i would be STOKED to still get to enjoy books#it's been REALLY bothering me lmao idk why i feel so strongly#for some reason it's giving the same energy as like. being told you can't take a comic or manga from the library bc it's not a 'real' book#of course it's a real book it's a story somebody wrote down#i can see this spiralling into 'if you have a kindle you aren't reading'. you have to sniff the paper. feel the papercuts
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I just realized I can cross over my favorite characters and literally no one can stop me. This is way too much power.
(these captures are from gll99's GX fansub! you can find it free on their blog @/kaiowut99)
Part 2
#yugioh gx#ygo gx#judai yuki#yuki judai#jaden yuki#spiritshipping#ygo#yugioh#yugioh fanart#kh#kingdom hearts#sora#soriku#kh fanart#my art#this isn't even half of the heartbreaking lines I have screenshotted#this is my pitch watch yugioh gx#yes its about card games. its also about committing genocide (not exaggerating)#because the guy you love and also all of your friends died (their last words were how much they hate you)#followed by a season-long depression arc as you cope with the guilt of your sins#and growing up and learning to have fun again and also alchemy#and don't forget the card games#wait their clothing colors are literally inversions#this is what im saying if you love sora you'll love judai theyre the same dude#and if you love soriku... judai/johan is about as inarguably canon#I mean how much more canon can you get than “do you love him that much?”#and if you're coming from the ygo side go play kingdom hearts it's super gay and that's half the reason we're here right#thats a lot of tags... oh well
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💝 junk mail 💝
every offer to be your sweetheart is meaningless when you've already got the only partner you need <3
#arcane#jayce talis#viktor arcane#jayvik#jayce x viktor#happy valentines day#(> ///w///<)#hehehehe~ <3#pidgy drew#artists on tumblr#actually~ the two idiots made me write 6000 words of blathering valentines day fanfic yesterday and i don't even write#i was just too lost in the fluffy love love day sauce#lollll#have a sweet one everybody!#or at least a one that's full of fanart and fanfic of your favs! <3 <3 <3
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Yea...I ..hm
Mistakes on mistakes until.. Until I scratch a hole in my tablet because I can't stop drawing them👌
#maccadam#transformers#Jazz#Prowl#JazzProwl#I …….I’m on the chapter 7 and I honestly not so sure If I can tag Ricochet as Jazz anymore……………#who needs sleep anyway#the amount of serotonin this fic gives me is kinda insane#The amount of knowledge also lol#I learned the whole lot of new words haha#I'm stopping myself from spamming art#Ahahajfkfk#fic fanart#Upd: This was sitting in my drafts for half a day I'm on chapter 12 now#Ricochet is Jazz and I will die on that hill#I don't even have any evidence#I just feel it in my soul#*13#I#sigh#I mixed the numbers with another fic#bruh#it's chapter 13#momu fanart
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Song
#I... I'm tired of words and can't physically reblog anything???#There are plenty of things I want to reblog and I saw some fanarts I go crazy about#and even ANIMATIC#I SAW TMS ANIMATIC#Set me free my brain#Also#Cass#Moon#Universe#Firstly my lungs left my body when I saw your reactions#Secondly you know you can just put a needed tag below without any reactions yes? I don't want you to force yourself or anything XDD#I'm just doodling when have time and powers pffht#wip#<- I think it will be a wip.....#animation tag#marble sky fanart
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XENOBLADE X NATION HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE ALIVE AGAIN
#I don't even have any words anymore#I cried today#I laughed today#I felt every emotion all at once#it's been an honor clowning with you all#now we rise#we are so back#xenoblade chronicles x#xenoblade x#xcx#elma#elma xenoblade#xenoblade x definitive edition#xcxde#I can't believe I would actually type these tags one day#I am still in disbelief#how is this real#artists on tumblr
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🤨
bonus:
#good omens spoilers#gos2spoilers#good omens#good omens season 2#goodomensedit#aziraphale#crowley#og post#gifs#the thesis of this gifset is:#“aziraphale lies BADLY to crowley's FACE repeatedly for no reason and crowley ALWAYS takes him at his word#but crowley's the demon so he's the one who lies. apparently"#i just think its hilarious#and the fact that crowley doesn't notice aziraphale lying despite the fact he knows how he lies (see: Job) because “why would he lie to ME”#i don't think crowley thinks the inverse of aziraphale (“you're an angel. its not what you do”) because he KNOWS he lied to heaven#(again see:Job)#this took so fucking long i'd open photoshop and my computer would shit itself#even worse if i dare opened a longer video to make into several gifs#sacrificed my Firefox window to my computer like a newborn lamb so that photoshop may live but it barely even helped#apparently i do NOT have the needed ram for gifmaking#i mean i did do it. i completed it. but still#though it worked a bit better after i restarted my computer. so. maybe i should do that more frequently lmao#i tried to include “i'm a demon. i lied” but it just did not. fit. quite right
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I'm not explaining why re-imagining characters as POC is not the same as white-washing, here of all places should fucking understand.
#personal#delete later#no patrick. “black washing” is not as harmful as white washing.#come on guys get it together#seeing people in my reblogs talk about “reverse racism” and double standards is genuinely hypocrisy#say it with me: white washing is intrinsically tied to a historical and systematic erasure of poc figures literature and history.#it is an inherently destructive act that deplatforms underrepresented faces and voices#in favor of a light-skinned aesthetic hegemony#redesigning characters as poc is an act of dismantling symbols of whiteness in fiction in favor of diversification and reclamation#(note that i am talking about individual acts by individual artists as was the topic of this discourse. not on an industry-scale)#redesigning characters as poc is not tied to hundreds of years of systemic racism and abuse and power dynamics. that is a fact.#you are not replacing an underrepresented person with an oft-represented person. it is the opposite#if you feel threatened or upset or uncomfortable about this then sorry but you are not aware of how much more worse it is for poc#if representation is unequal then these acts cannot be equivalent. you can't point to an imbalanced scale and say they weigh the same#if you recognize that bipoc people are minorities then you should recognize that these two things are not the same#while i agree that “black washing” can lead to color-blind casting and writing the behavior here is on an individual level#a black artist drawing their favorite anime character as black because they feel a shared solidarity is not a threat to you#i mean. most anime characters are east asian and i as an east asian person certainly don't feel threatened or erased. neither should you.#there's much to be said about the politics of blackwashing (i don't even know if that's the right word for it)#but point standing. whitewashing is an inherently more destructive act. both through its history of maintaining power dynamics#and the simple fact that it's taking away from groups of people who have less to begin with#if you feel upset or uncomfortable about a fictional white character being redesigned as poc by an artist on twitter#i sincerely hope you're able to explore these feelings and find avenues to empathizing with poc who have had their figures#(both real and fictional) erased; buried; and replaced by white figures for hundreds of years#i sincerely hope you can understand the difference in motivations and connotations behind whitewashing and blackwashing#classic bixels “i'm not talking about this chat. i'm not” (puts my media studies major to use in the tags and talks the fuck outta it)
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While looking for something else, I found an old ask I answered about "ideal chapter length" in terms of word count.
I've been asked this probably a dozen or more times, and each time I need to take a moment and adjust my thinking to take the asker's point of view into account. Because the thing is? The only time I ever try to factor the word count into how I write a story is when I'm aiming for a true drabble.
For whatever reason, this difference in thinking stuck with me today and I actually considered why that might be. And I think it's because I'm in my 40s and the first 25-30 years of my life, any stories I was reading were printed on paper and bound into physical books.
When I imagine a novel, I still think of a mass market paperback on my bookshelf. An average one would be maybe an inch thick, probably in the neighbourhood of 300 pages. A long one would be maybe as much as two inches thick and 500 or more pages long. A short one was always nice to have because it filled in the gaps in the shelf because 200 page books were so much narrower. Or so it seemed.
When I started posting my fic online, I still thought in terms of pages. I'd type them out in whatever word processing software I was using at the time, and I'd usually get a chapter's worth of ideas into 3 or 4 pages. Turns out that's about 1000 words, which makes sense with the number of 1000 word essays I wrote in high school. I'd been trained to encapsulate an idea into approximately that length.
And that's what it comes down to. The thing that always made that question seem weird to me. A chapter isn't about how many words there are in it, just like a cake isn't about how many cups of flour exist in each slice. A chapter is a an idea that helps make up a bigger idea called a story, and it needs to be however many words that idea needs to be to get it out.
#thinky thoughts#even now if I wanted to know how long a novel is in *words* I'd have to look it up#but human brains do love numbers#and we love attaching meaning to their presence#even when the information they provide us#isn't actually important at all#maybe it's nostaglia or maybe I'm just old#but I'm glad I grew up without the internet and all of the numbers it throws at me#so I have something to fall back on when the numbers don't feel good
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