#i don't care we don't have confirmation she IS

[feminist-space]

"Joy Spence, 21, said she visited emergency departments at two hospitals in St. John's over the course of nearly two weeks this May.

What began as weakness and abdominal pain on her right side quickly deteriorated into blacking out from the agony in her torso.

But no matter how dire her symptoms got, doctors kept sending her home.

"They would just tell me, 'Your bloodwork's normal, there's nothing we can do.' They would send me home, then same thing again," she said. "I would go back again. They would get me to do the bloodwork, say everything's normal."

Ultrasound and CT scans apparently turned up nothing, but Spence, in such severe pain, says she had no option but to keep returning to the hospital, where she says she was eventually left screaming in a waiting room, ignored by hospital staff.

"If somebody doesn't help me, I'm going to die," she recalls wailing, watching doctors and nurses pass her by.

At one point, she was dismissed outright by a walk-in clinic nurse, she adds.

"Somebody said to me, 'I don't know what you expect me to do,'" she said. "'You're a healthy 21-year-old young female.'"

One night, she says, her boyfriend had to help her into an ambulance. Spence was in so much pain she couldn't stay conscious and stand on her own.

"I remember the man in the ambulance telling me … how often he sees other young women going into the hospital and seeing them be misdiagnosed and not taken seriously," she said, speaking through tears.

"He said that he would do his best to … get things going for me."

Spence says she went to an ER at the Health Sciences Centre or St. Clare's Mercy Hospital about 10 times over a 12-day period, beginning on May 21. She also visited her family doctor, who could do little except tell her to speak directly to the surgeon at Health Sciences Centre, she said.

Each time she saw a doctor, she says, she was sent home and told to dance around her living room or do yoga to cure what physicians believed was anxiety or sluggish bowels.

"I had so many laxatives," Spence recalls. "I would tell them … nothing's even coming out anymore. It's not just this, I don't think. But no, they were dead set on the constipation and only constipation. Like, it can only be that."

...

Spence says doctors only began to take her seriously once she began vomiting in a Health Sciences Centre hallway. The contents of her stomach were green and black.

An older doctor walking past her happened to notice, stopping in his tracks. Spence says he immediately identified the issue as appendicitis.

At that doctor's urging, Spence was finally wheeled into an operating room, where she says her burst appendix — now gangrenous — was removed.

"I think when I walked into the room and they seen a 21-year-old young girl, they immediately dismissed me and thought that there couldn't be anything wrong with me," Spence said.

"I was not on their minds and not on their radar. And if they didn't have that preconceived idea of me, those thoughts wouldn't have been formed and maybe I would have gotten the proper care that I should have."

...

Spence is still struggling to recover from her ordeal. Physically, she's now fine: her appendix was removed and her stitches have healed.

But she's lost an alarming amount of weight, she says, wakes up gasping in the middle of the night and can't stop herself from crying whenever she remembers the hospital.

"I've been losing a lot of hair," she said. "Mentally, it's just been a struggle."

Spence only received an apology from the health authority after CBC News requested comment and confirmed that Spence had done an interview — a move she says felt hollow and frustrating, since the manager who called her didn't give her an explanation about why she was repeatedly ignored while waiting to be admitted.

The ripple effect from her illness, and how she says she was treated when seeking care, has uprooted her life. She's taken a year off her studies in Memorial University's social work program and has lost her job. She's looking for trauma therapy, but now doesn't have the money to pay for it, she says.

"I think as young women we're always told what we're supposed to do, how we're supposed to think, and not to trust our instincts," she said.

"But most of the time … the gut instinct is right. I knew I was sick. I knew what was happening wasn't right, and I could have died if I didn't keep going back to the hospital.

"If I had listened to those doctors and went back home — what could have really happened?""

[beevean]

I finished watching a playthrough of Mouthwashing

Beautiful experience I'm never going to touch again. I tip my hat at the sound design which in some parts made me nauseous (cutting Curly's leg most of all)

And the writing is commendable for so many aspects. The characterization of the crew, the out-of-order timeline that keeps the mysteries and build tension, the subtext of every line... but I want to praise most of all how realistic Jimmy's misogyny is.

In most stories I've experienced, the "sexist" character is nothing more than a caricature who walks around with a flashing neon "I FUCKING HATE WOMEN/MEN" sign. They exist to be a strawmen to be made a lesson of (or to be "cool", in some misandrists' cases), but they're not really characters.

Jimmy's sexism against Anya is realistic. He never outright says that she's lesser for being a woman. But every interaction with her shows how little he values her. He makes a jab at her never being admitted to medical school, but doesn't quite finish his sentence. He hijacks her role as Curly's nurse because she's too "sensitive" (that and perhaps his deep-seated desire of having power combined with his guilt). She never features in his guilt-induced delusions: Daisuke, who was mercy killed by Swansea after Jimmy endangered him, does, but Anya, who obviously killed herself out of trauma? Nah. But, what features is a womb-like thing with a "baby" in it, and the baby's cries can be heard even before, in the cemetery. The baby itself is seen as the real issue when Jimmy and Curly talk before the crash - even Curly doesn't seem to give a single shit about Anya's trauma, but simply wants to help Jimmy with the mess he made. I bet that, had he never impregnated her, no one would have cared.

Anya is not on the same levels at the others. Not intellectually, and not in dignity. Jimmy doesn't need to spell it out. Hell, while we don't see the rape happening, and it's not even outright confirmed but kept hush-hush as it often happens, it does fit Jimmy's craving for power. That is his fatal flaw. He loves to control others and have power over their lives, he just doesn't like dealing with the consequences of his actions. Plus, we see the way he speaks to the young, impressionable Daisuke, manipulating him into doing what he wants: who says he didn't employ the same tactics with Anya, who might as well be a child to him? (this is assuming he didn't just spike a drink, since he seemed to be very ready to go through that route when it came to Swansea...)

Beautiful writing. I shall now proceed to have nightmares about the red sea :)

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

RTA, was Catherine treated for cancer or pre-cancer cells? Royal Reporter Rhiannon Mills wrote that "In March the princess confirmed that pre-cancerous cells had been found following abdominal surgery and that she would have to undergo a course of preventative chemotherapy." Kensington Palace never corrected that statement by Rhiannon Mills. I admire Catherine a lot but her two video statements to the public on her health left me confused so I thought I would ask you for clarification. Thanks!

Let's work through it step by step. I'll bold the timeline so if you don't care about analysis or explanation, you can scroll through quickly.

In January 2024, KP announced that Kate was undergoing a planned abdominal surgery.

Now, "planned surgery" has confused a lot of people, especially after KP announced in December 2023 that William and Kate were planning a visit to Italy at the request of the Foreign Office. If they knew Kate was having surgery in January, why did they announce the trip?

So all that "planned surgery" means is that Kate was under doctor's care for a medical condition and for whatever reason - either exploratory (e.g., she's had an issue for a long time, nothing's worked, let's open you up and see what's going on) or emergent (e.g., bloodwork came back wonky or new symptoms developed that only surgery could address) - they scheduled her for surgery.

Here's an example of planned emergent surgery. Many years ago on a Saturday afternoon, I - a professional klutz - badly hurt my ankle falling down the stairs. I went to urgent care believing it was a bad sprain, only to find out that it was actually a very bad break that most likely needed surgery to fix. Urgent Care referred me to an orthopedic surgeon. We called the orthopedic surgeon Monday morning, they fit me in Monday afternoon, and at the appointment, the orthopedic surgeon said "yeah, you really need surgery. I'm not in the OR until Thursday but my partner is operating tomorrow and he can fit you in in the morning." I said "Sign me up for tomorrow, doc." So even though the cause for my surgery was emergent, it was still a planned surgery because it was scheduled in advance.

An emergency surgery is when you're rushed to the hospital (usually an emergency room) and they roll you right into the operating room after being evaluated.

So all that said, it's likely that whatever medical issue Kate was having, the initial expectation was that her surgery would be an easy-breezy-outpatient cake with just a few days at home to rest and then back to work and onwards to Italy. Except it wasn't because KP announced Kate's recovery time was going to take a good several weeks and her and William's schedules were cleared.

At the end of March 2024, Kate announced that her condition had actually been cancerous and she was undergoing preventative chemotherapy.

Here's what she actually said: “In January, I underwent major abdominal surgery in London and at the time, it was thought that my condition was non-cancerous. The surgery was successful. However, tests after the operation found cancer had been present. My medical team therefore advised that I should undergo a course of preventative chemotherapy and I am now in the early stages of that treatment."

The read-between-the-lines is that whatever procedure Kate had done, it was totally routine and something had been removed, which was sent for biopsy, which concluded cancer was present, and further testing (most likely bloodwork and/or additional scans) determined that no other cancerous cells had been detected. And while the testing determined no other cancerous cells had been, Kate's medical team did a risk assessment and most likely they felt that there was a good risk that cancer could continue developing so they prescribed preventative chemotherapy to decrease that risk.

Now the issue is that "preventative chemotherapy" is a bit of a misnomer. The actual medical term is "adjuvant chemotherapy" ('preventative chemotherapy' is the colloquial everyman non-medical term), which is when a patient undergoes chemotherapy after a primary course of treatment to kill remaining cancer cells or to reduce the risk of cancer returning or spreading.

In Kate's case, the surgery she had in January ended up being the primary treatment to her cancer. She then underwent chemotherapy to reduce the risk of that cancer returning.

Kate's statement also revealed two other things about her condition:

That whatever Kate's initial issue was (the one that led to the surgery in the first place), the surgery addressed it and that problem was no longer afflicting her.

Preventative/adjuvant chemotherapy is a popular treatment for cancer of the breast, lung, bowel, and ovaries. Since KP and Kate both confirmed it was "abdominal surgery," we can probably safely conclude that whatever Kate's condition, it was related to her bowels/intestines.

In June 2024, Kate released a second statement about her treatment to manage everyone's expectations about her attendance at Trooping.

She said: I have been blown away by all the kind messages of support and encouragement over the last couple of months. It really has made the world of difference to William and me and has helped us both through some of the harder times. I am making good progress, but as anyone going through chemotherapy will know, there are good days and bad days. On those bad days you feel weak, tired and you have to give in to your body resting. But on the good days, when you feel stronger, you want to make the most of feeling well. My treatment is ongoing and will be for a few more months. On the days I feel well enough, it is a joy to engage with school life, spend personal time on the things that give me energy and positivity, as well as starting to do a little work from home.

I'm looking forward to attending The King's Birthday Parade this weekend with my family and hope to join a few public engagements over the summer, but equally knowing I am not out of the woods yet. I am learning how to be patient, especially with uncertainty. Taking each day as it comes, listening to my body, and allowing myself to take this much needed time to heal. Thank you so much for your continued understanding, and to all of you who have so bravely shared your stories with me.

For me, this message is very much targeted to the press and the public who may think her appearance at Trooping means everything is all good and she's back to work. I also feel like it is a very direct response to criticism that she isn't really sick if she's out and about smiling in public - and it's also probably the most direct response we've ever seen Kate give to the media since begging the paparazzi to leave her alone in her 20s.

In August 2024, Rebecca English revealed that Kate had been unwell long before January's procedure.

For me, Becky's article confirms that the January surgery was probably exploratory after other treatments didn't work.

And also for me, Becky's article is a KP-sanctioned clapback to more criticism of the "if she's well enough to go to Wimbledon, she's well enough to work" variety. I don't want to say it's a complete defense of Kate and KP's handling of her health issues (because her discussion of the Waleses' summer activities - though well-intentioned - further supports the workshy narrative that's dogged William and Kate since they married) but it does serve as a follow-up to Kate's June message about what her progress has been like and is another attempt to manage expectations about Kate's return to work.

In September 2024, Kate announced that she had completed her chemotherapy and was in a new phase of recovery and convalescence, and starting to look forward.

She said: As the summer comes to an end, I cannot tell you what a relief it is to have finally completed my chemotherapy treatment. The last nine months have been incredibly tough for us as a family...Doing what I can to stay cancer free is now my focus. Although I have finished chemotherapy, my path to healing and full recovery is long and I must continue to take each day as it comes.

Kate's use of the phrase "stay cancer free" likely means she will be under closer medical observation for the next several years. Whether that means more scans and tests to monitor her condition or medication she needed to take or substantial life changes she needs to make, all of that counts as work towards "stay[ing] cancer free". So Kate may be out of the woods as far as the initial diagnosis or emergency may go, but she still has a long road ahead of her in terms of recovery.

In fact, medical practice requires a patient to be in complete remission for five years to be considered cured of cancer so I suspect that may be what Kate is referring to, albeit in plainer non-medical language.

Shortly after Kate's statement, on September 9, 2024, Rhiannon Mills (reporting for Sky News) recapped Kate's condition.

She said: "In March the princess confirmed that pre-cancerous cells had been found following abdominal surgery and that she would have to undergo a course of preventative chemotherapy."

On November 11, 2024, Sky News republished Rhiannon's September 9th article to say "In March, the princess confirmed she was having preventative chemotherapy after cancer was found in tests."

The edit has caused conspiracy theorists all over the internet to pick up the story and begin accusing KP/Kate of faking cancer again because "pre-cancerous cells" isn't actually cancer. It's cells that could turn cancerous and even still, preventative chemotherapy is a proper course of treatment to address pre-cancerous cells.

But here's the thing. Out of everyone that was being briefed by KP and out of everyone who has access to royal and royal-adjacent circles, Rhiannon Mills is the only one to say "pre-cancerous cells." Everyone else cited Kate's own words and KP's own announcement. That's a big hint right there that Rhiannon and Sky News messed up.

And also, before KP released Kate's statement in March, others on the rota - including Bower (who specifically said this on television) - were hinting that Kate's surgery had been very serious, her condition was serious though not fatal, and the public would be shocked if we knew what they knew. That's not pre-cancerous cells.

So for me, all signs point to yes, Kate actually did have cancer. She didn't know she had cancer until whatever her surgeons removed in January 2024 was biopsied. She most likely underwent further tests after the biopsy results came back and those tests concluded cancer was no longer present but yet her doctors still advised preventative/adjuvant chemotherapy to reduce the risk of cancer returning or spreading. So that could mean that whatever additional tests Kate had done identified pre-cancerous cells or it could just mean that the doctors felt "this is the Princess of Wales, the future queen. We should give her the best treatment possible to ensure she remains healthy, which is preventative/adjuvant chemotherapy."

(Preventative precaution is the same reason Camilla had a hysterectomy in 2007; she's had several gynecological issues that could have developed into a bigger problem so rather than to "wait and see," her doctors advised hysterectomy. It really honestly is par for the course not just for women in the monarchy but for all women - and men too - who want to do everything they can to remain healthy. It’s why we get knees and hips replaced and we get cataracts removed and some women choose mastectomies despite having no diagnosis when there’s a family history of breast cancer or they have the BRCA gene, etc.)

What a lot of the conspiracy theorists and trolls are dismissing is that when you have cancer but you don't know it, you're still a cancer patient. When you have cancer and it's eradicated by whatever combination of treatments, you're still a cancer patient. When you've been diagnosed with pre-cancerous cells and your doctors prescribe preventative chemotherapy, you're still a chemotherapy patient. When you're going through a shitty time but you still show up for your family with a smile on your face because cameras are going to be there, your troubles are still there even if no one else sees it.

So I think Rhiannon Mills mispoke and no one caught it until just now when everyone was pouring over all the statements Kate has made in light of a very glamorous and normal (if you will) appearance on Saturday night while being pictured on Sunday looking tired and run-down.

But of course, YMMV.

And also, even Page Six has come to Kate's defense, saying that "Sky News correspondent Rhiannon Mills erroneously reported at the time that 'pre-cancerous cells had been found' in Middleton as opposed to the royal battling cancer." And when Page Six is defending the Waleses (considering that they're on the Sussexes' payroll), I really do lean towards Rhiannon Mills screwing up and no one catching it until the article started getting traction amongst the conspiracy theorists and trolls.

[pluckyredhead]

for the ask meme: Garth/Koryak + no capes AU?

Ooh this is a fascinating prompt because I don't know how you translate Arthur's...everything...to no capes. Is he royalty but not of an underwater kingdom and no one has superpowers? Is he an Olympic swimmer? Is he "royalty" in the sense that he's super rich or famous? Is he just like...a fisherman?

I think I would go with a modern royalty AU where Arthur is already way more internationally famous than most royalty of tiny coastal European kingdoms are because Atlanna eloped with a commoner (possibly - gasp! - an American) and it's all very dramatic, and that's before you get into whatever the deal would be with Orm in this universe.

And then the scandal and drama continues as Arthur 1) discovers the lost, orphaned child of one of his dukes or something and adopts him, 2) gets married to a princess of another tiny coastal kingdom in THE royal wedding of all time, 3) tragically loses his infant heir in a tragic kidnapping that is like the only international news for days, 4) publicly separates from Meta, 5) starts dating a woman half his age, 6) holy shit now she's dating his not-son??? Atlantean royal gossip is AMAZING. The paparazzi can barely keep up. And that's before some random American (another one!) comes forward and says that King Arthur of Atlantis is his father, and the DNA tests confirm it.

So you have Garth, who has been shoved into a spotlight he never wanted since he was eight years old, hounded by the paparazzi, featured in teen magazines' "11 Cutest Princes" articles and whatnot, always very conscious of his extremely tenuous relationship with Arthur's family. And since he and Arthur reconciled after however the Aquababy thing went down here, Arthur has been trying to find a way to legitimize Garth as his heir.

And you have Koryak, who grew up ostracized, broke, always on the outside, who was going through his mother's belongings after she died and realized that he is a fucking prince who could have been living in a fucking palace all this time, and he is going to get what is owed him, and he doesn't care who doesn't like it.

And meanwhile Arthur's advisors are like "This is Too Much Drama, we are an international laughingstock and Parliament is on the cusp of either making Orm king instead or just dissolving the monarchy entirely (can they do that? whatever)." So Arthur is like "Look, I will admit I have absolutely no idea what to do about this whole...situation, but in the meantime, you two had better look like you're getting along or we're all fucked."

Which leads to 30k of forced proximity, enemies-to-lovers, no capes modern royalty AU featuring scandalous paparazzi photos of Garth and Koryak angrily making out in, like, Atlan's extremely solemn memorial garden or somewhere else equally inappropriate.

[martyreasemymind]

this is ridiculous.

the fact that you are presenting the things he chose to do of his own volition with the things he did when possessed is disingenuous at best and victim-blaming at worst. billy was violent and treated max horribly, but acting as if the things the mindflayer/henry creel - an entity that murders people and singles out abused children - forced him to do are somehow definite reflections of his character and relationship with others is absurd. out of this entire post only ONCE do you acknowledge that billy was possessed during over half the incidents you describe.

you have completely removed the context from either of these incidents which calls their supposed parallels into serious question.

billy grabs max's arm to frighten and punish her for not obeying him (and before you accuse me of making excuses for him, this was one of the most patently abusive things he did in canon and anyone who says anything different is being an apologist), and he grabs el's arm... why?

when he lets her go she enters his memories. he has no reason to want to scare or punish her. if anything, he makes himself more vulnerable by allowing her to see into his mind.

i have ideas as to why he became violent with her prior letting her fall, but there is no absolute evidence in canon for any of them over another. however, there is even less evidence to suggest he somehow had a desire to harm her just for the sake harming her or to be punitive. billy's reasons for grabbing max are bad and don't justify him putting his hands on her, but they are still reasons. he doesn't lash out at random out of cruelty.

i fail to see how this is a parallel when billy is, again, possessed through both acts. the mindflayer hits max because she is in his way, and the mindflayer hits el to presumably keep her subdued and in place. neither says anything about how billy treats max prior to his possession.

this is conjecture.

billy (you mean the mindflayer) pointedly looks at max? how do we know that? the camera doesn't focus on her over lucas and immediately after the mindflayer tightens its grip the camera pans over to mike and will. there's no preference given to max over the other kids during this scene. could it be the case? maybe, but there's no hard evidence for it.

and i don't see how max is supposedly looking guilty when caring for el either. she looks sad, certainly, but again the focus isn't on her and her expression, which for the record reads to me as more somber than responsible. could she be feeling guilt? what would she feel guilt for? how would billy choking her when he's not possessed somehow translate el being choked being her fault? i know max has a tendency to blame herself over things she could not have stopped, but i simply don't see how that could be the case here judging by the actual situation or her reaction to it which, again, reads more as sadness than anything more intense like deep empathy from being treated the same way.

this confirms precisely nothing about the timeline. when jacey sink portrayed max in season 3 she was 9 years old. when belle henry portrayed her in season 4 she was 9 years old. there is no indication of whether the season 4 scene took place before or after max and billy met.

Runaway Max is not canon.

everything the scene itself (someone falling off their board right before we pan to her) and max herself (saying she knows first aid from skateboarding) says tells the audience she hurts herself skateboarding.

(also the fact that you think billy could get away with breaking an elementary school age max's arm when he was, what? 12? at the most 13? and they had known each for less than a year? back when he was just "a dick" instead of "angry...all the time"? and when he was physically assaulted just for not knowing where she was in season 2? okay.)

you're implying that billy is... abusing max with weights? blunt force objects that easily shatter bones with minimal force applied? really? seems you know how ridiculous this is given how you break your own pattern of presenting billy's possessed behavior as somehow analogous to his non possessed behavior with this "parallel", when "parallels" are supposed the entire point of this post

even what you have makes no sense. possessed billy throws weights at el which is a parallel to when he... got mad at max and put his weights down? if anything this goes against your argument

honestly i could ignore all of this as just you cherrypicking and constructing your own headcanons which you are perfectly within your right to do but this?

this is shameful

i will be the first to admit that billy's pattern of behavior prior to his possession was abusive, and that he gets a pass from many of his fans for instances where does not deserve one.

but you wanna know who else got dragged by the foot?

billy

you wanna know who else got spoken to in a calm, threatening voice when they were already subdued?

billy

you wanna know who else was physically brutalized and controlled in manner resembling sexual assault?

billy

there's a fucking parallel for you, since you're so fixated on them.

many people have made the connection between the mindflayer/henry creel's attacks on children and child sexual abuse. the intentional isolation of Will from his loved ones. The days long manipulation and emotional abuse of Patrick, Chrissy, Fred, and Max. the fact that he specifically targets children already struggling emotionally. billy and will's shared line of "he made me do it".

and yet you have somehow sidestepped all of that evidence from canon and meshed the mindflayer and billy into a singular entity. you have apparently completely omitted any part of canon that goes against this from your memory in order to support your ideas. for christ's sake henry makes billy drink bleach and you're out here acting like they're 100% on the same page.

billy's face at the beginning of this video not the face of someone in full control of their faculties trying to sexually assault someone. it isn't even the face of someone wincing in pain.

he turns and grimaces. his eyes roll back.

he's disoriented. he's struggling.

and what does el flashback to? the moment he grabbed her.

y'know? the moment you said was a parallel to him grabbing max? that is what el immediately thinks of when she looks at his face. not his childhood memories, that.

it is incredibly, incredibly irresponsible to wink-wink-nudge-nudge accuse any character of sexually abusing anyone but especially a child based on non-existent "evidence" that you insist lies in canon. there are already people in the notes who believe you because they can't be bothered to analyse the events of the show themselves. billy fans have already dealt with enough harassment from people upset with things he actually did in canon, we don't need you pissing people off more with blatant half-truths.

point out the terrible things billy did in the show. make a statement about how his abuse didn't give him the right to treat max or anyone else the way he did, by all means. but you do not get to casually misconstrue canon to paint him as a sexual predator.

El-Max parallels implying Billy's physical abuse of Max

quick mostly-gif analysis. we're told that Billy "takes his anger out on Max" and that he "made her life living hell." was he physically abusive to Max all along? nobody ever says that.

we see Billy physically abuse Lucas and Steve. but if we're talking strictly about Max, those phrasings leave room for people to argue that Billy might've been emotionally abusive, but didn't actually hit her or anything. that that arm-grab in the car is just sibling behavior and not necessarily indicative of abuse.

and, hey man, look, you're right that they never say. but there's lots of things this show never explicitly says.

note that we only see Billy hurt Max twice, and both of those are parallels to ways we also see him hurt El.

the Billy-Max arm grab is suspiciously similar to the Billy-El arm grab. surprise grab, struggle/yanking, and then a rough release. he makes the same face.

(I've seen the argument that Max's daring snark before, and surprise at, the grab suggests he's never hurt her before. but I think both could just as well be explained by the fact that they're in public, where she thought she was safer from this than at home.)

we also see El and Max take facial injuries from flayed Billy at Starcourt. these close ups of their injuries are in consecutive scenes:

and we see him hurt El lots more times than we do Max.

so if the only two we know about are parallels, it makes me wonder about all the other times:

Billy strangling El

the way Billy pauses to look pointedly at Max as he starts strangling El, like he's getting something out of her, in particular, watching this. and then the way Max later looks guilty about the bruise it leaves on El's throat. (I will be discussing this at length soon)

Billy throwing the weights at El

that scene where he's lifting weights and yelling at Max (who's duct taping the skateboard he's heavily implied to have broken as punishment about Lucas)... hmmmm.

hey it's almost like the skateboard is a symbol of / scapegoat for Billy's abuse, because remember:

baby Max with the broken arm

maybe she broke it skateboarding. she did tell Nancy and Jonathan that skateboarding is why she knows first aid, but they don't look like they're buying it.

however, we just so happen to have seen another flashback of baby Max before, which makes it clear that she already knew Billy around this age. (Runaway Max says Billy broke her friend's arm btw.)

Billy repeatedly leaning over El at Starcourt

the "stay still" shit and the way he's repeatedly, unnecessarily, on top of El in that scene, using his body to trap her in. (like. if he wants her to quit struggling, it'd be easier to kick her when he's already standing than to get back on all fours and headbutt her. why does he actively get in the way of the MF to keep Doing That.) we've seen Billy block Max in before with the silent threat of his physicality. a subtle taste of a commonly overlooked form of abuse.

those all leave me wondering about the ones I can't think of Max screenshots to pair with.

Billy slamming El by the face... throwing her into the wall to knock her out... dragging El by the foot as she tries to crawl away from him (only to get back on top of her once again)...

but hey. no worries. they never said any of that.

[fauna-a]

II Best creature

Pretty little one, they say to her, wear the pink dress, yes, that one, because today is a special day: you’re gonna be a magician.

And she wears it, because she likes pink and she knows she’s pretty.

 Girl, says her master to her, stop wearing those ribbons: do you think a magician has to look pretty? She says nothing. She shakes her head.

 Girl, says her master, now you have to be at your best: we’re going to the Parliament, to hear Deveraux. Do not put shame on me.

The girl, Jane now, knows she can’t be pretty: she has to be beautiful.

 Every day, now that she’s a magician, she has to be beautiful.

 When the blood fills her mouth for the first time, the wolf-girl is not pretty and is not beautiful. 

And she loves it.

[adamnablelittledevil]

I'm usually against the idea of high profile actors being on the show because 1) I'd rather keep the pattern of revealing talents 2) I find it way too distracting (unless I'm watching something where everyone is equally big) and keep seeing the person and not the character no matter how good the performance is... Still, I think Jodie Foster could be a perfect Gabrielle (talented, in her 60s, matches the description and on top of it is openly queer and not super feminine), so I'd be willing to give it a try.

Update: Forgot to mention, but she is fluent in French too!

[problemswithbooks]

With the tentative and rough translations out, i have to say, yeah, Hori really doesn't get what he's actually writing and if he was trying to make Toga's entire deal a metaphor for queerness, he's ended up being quite offensive.

Like first off it seems he has Toga say she falls in love easily with boy and girls and...animals. Which, I always felt the bird thing as a kid could have negative connotations, but wrote it off as 'she was a little kid and this was before her desire for blood was wrapped up in her romantic feelings' type things. So having Hori reinstate that yes, she does still love animals to the point of blood drinking desire--a desire Hori coded as sexual/romantic is not a good look.

It also just makes me question if she could ever own a pet or if she'd end up killing it because she loved it to much and she needed to drink it's blood.

Also getting her perspective on the boy she attacked isn't great either. The translation is rough and basic so it could change, but I don't think there's any translation that could make the situation not read poorly.

In the rough translations she says something along the lines of "I didn't ask to drink his blood because I was afraid he'd hate me and think I was a decent monster."

I could see an alternative translation being "I asked for his blood and he called me a deviant monster, and I sucked his blood."

Again if Hori is trying to make a queer metaphor with Toga, this is a huge issue. Her attacking the boy was always a big problem, but if he didn't bring it up again I think a lot of casual readers would have forgotten it. But now it's front and center again and brings back bad connotations for Toga and a queer reading of her character.

Because again if we read her blood drinking as queerness, and Hori has already coded it in the past as lust while just last chapter confirming that Toga sees it as kissing in the very least we get two equally bad reads.

A) Due to fear of rejection Toga did not ask for consent and decided she'd just make sexual advances toward someone she had a crush regardless.

or B) She got rejected and told no, and then made the sexual advance anyway.

With a queer reading this only becomes worse because it pays into the really negative and even dangerous idea that same sex attracted people will go after anyone regardless of consent or the other persons orientation. It continues to perpetuate the idea that queer people are sexual predators, who target straight people or in the very least do not care about consent, or are unable to control themselves long enough to get it.

But even without a queer reading what Toga did is wrong. It sucks that people don't get her way of showing love, but consent is still needed regardless. You can't just do what you want to someone because you were to afraid to ask them out. You can't just do what you want with someone after they tell you no. Even if the boy had called her a monster that would not make it ok for Toga to, essentially sexually assault him (yes, kissing someone against their will is sexual assault, which is what Toga sees her blood drinking as).

And I think that's why Toga's character is really hard to get behind for some people--because at the end of the day she's literally just saying "I can't help but sexually assault people (and animals apparently)', and the solution to this is to give her exactly what she wants and apologize for not seeing how much pain she was in when she was actively trying to sexually assault people.

[summer-sapphic]

Hi I'm mad

[chatonnoir]

Adrienette stans wanna gaslight Ladynoir stans who don’t like this plot point and act like Ladynoir was always meant to be platonic from the start and Adrienette was obviously always meant to be the side that would start dating .... No.

My dudes there is a reason Ladynoir has always been more popular than Adrienette among the online fandom. There is a reason the bulk of the fancontent when the show first came out focused on romantic Ladynoir. Hell there is a reason Zag chose for their expensive piece of ship merch to be a $300+ Ladynoir statue. They’re even using romantic Ladynoir scenes to advertise their movie now. Stormy Weather, the pilot episode, the episode meant to introduce us to and sell the show to us and networks, was 99% Ladynoir. Every “Valentine’s” episode (Dark Cupid/Glaciator) has been heavily Ladynoir-centric. Chat Blanc, despite starting with Ladrien followed by an Adrienette dating montage, was heavily Ladynoir centric. “Our love did this to the world" came through Ladynoir. We were shown Ladybug getting upset any time Chat Noir seemed to show interest in another girl. We were given “maybe if Adrien didn’t exist, I’d feel differently about Chat Noir...” in s1. We were given Ladybug explicitly dodging Chat Noir’s question of if things would be different between them if her “other boy” wasn’t a factor. We were given “maybe if I show Ladybug my true self, she’ll fall in love with me,” followed by that very thing happening. We were given a second coup de foudre in Strike Back. The first kiss in this show happened through Ladynoir. The first kiss they were both conscious of happened through Ladynoir in Jubilation. We were shown Ladybug blushing after Chat Noir kissed her cheek in Glaciator. We were shown Ladybug progressively learning that Chat Noir is more sensitive than she thought and not the kind of guy she thought he was and growing closer to and more fond of him over the course of the series -- the plot of like every good romance worth reading (Pride and Prejudice anyone??).

Everyone picked up on the romantic vibes and the depth of their relationship over the past 7 years and now y’all wanna pretend we were hallucinating all along just because your fav side is canon and y’all don’t want to acknowledge the fact that cutting out Ladybug’s feelings for Chat Noir after 4 seasons of development and literally /3 episodes/ of actual visible feelings is an insane choice because it gets in the way of said side being canon. We all picked up on the fact that Chat Blanc and Ephemeral both told us explicitly that Adrienette can’t safely be together as civilians because Gabriel can and will use it to his advantage even without knowing their identities and now y’all want to pretend we’re the ones who weren’t paying attention when even the show was telling us that Adrienette is the side that can’t happen. Apparently the payoff of the 7-year-buildup of Ladybug realizing her romantic feelings for Chat Noir was ... three whole episodes. Followed by her ditching him entirely. Y’all are okay with completely ignoring the insane choice of having Marinette and Adrien not at all worried about abandoning their partners and spitting on “I’ll never abandon you” and every time they’ve ever said “you and me against the entire world” because all you see is weee cute Adrienette scenes <3333.

Like I said I and many others did not watch this show for a generic school romance we watched this show for a Love Square with identity shenanigans because that’s what was being sold to us yet apparently it was never about the "falling in love twice” and the parallels between the two relationships and two loves even though that’s what the past 4 seasons told us it was because it was actually just “adrienette with some obstacles” all along and oBvIoUsLy it was always just meant to be about romantic Adrienette!!!1!!1 I did not watch 7 years worth of romantic development on the Ladynoir side just for Adrienette stans to decide to tell me that I was actually hallucinating that whole time and that Ladynoir was always meant to be platonic

[doberrrman]

I have this feeling that I have unofficial beef with my neighbor...

[unproduciblesmackdown]

also it's something (better) like, the exercise of deliberately [art imitates life imitates art] holding up Billions to My IRL Things Perspective and going like whaaat would i want for winston. first answer is you want any character to not have been within the scope of the show in the first place, and to exit it since they are. and you kind of get that in the accidental reward in banishing winston, since like in the end it's just that the show doesn't care about him existing at that point But like it's winston sitting there quietly as everyone leaves & turns out the lights & Then he can leave too; others have peaced out & nobody remembers he exists so Now he can go off & do whatever.

but like in true form i think they definitely accidentally baked in another divine reward for winston in that, like, the way he's kept around as fodder for these fun little [pov: enjoy abusing this guy] asides with him, where it Just So Happens that he's autistic as something they're unaware of but is completely relevant to the expectation we understand him to be inferior(tm), it Just So Happens that he's also ""bad"" at not ""causing"" abuse to be turned on him. he's ""bad"" at staying in line. like well yes Yes that's what i want for him. just like In Real Life it's like yeah Ideally i'd want people to be able to extricate themselves from where they're trapped in power structures & i'd want them to have the perspective about it of understanding they're not Inferior / i.e. they are as much a person as anyone else and they're not corrupting everything good / i.e. it wasn't them Bringing It Upon Themselves and it's not them being Destructive by toppling a jenga tower of a hierarchy that happened to be pressing down on them. and winston is the kind of [the ruinerrrrrr] who is Turned On exactly because he keeps acting like someone who's on the verge of breaking out of the [being in line] someone demands of him as autist, employee, whatever other supposed manifestations of [inferior]

like in the 5 second stretches in which winston's allowed to speak before retaliation, it's because he's like "matter of factly" delivering whatever Information that's useful for another plotline. then he Brings It Upon Himself by making people aware that he's Also existing in his own right as a person rather than what they think serves their own deal / what they want from him at all times, perhaps by expressing his personality (didn't appeal to them! so it was Wrong) or not b/c of anything in particular said or done at present, just b/c people have a constant / accumulating contempt for him so their being in the same room as him & able to see & hear him is already dangerous. the [we're just seeing Any Abusive Dynamic in action] continuing apace.

and it's like, well, right there. he's written as acting like someone who doesn't blame himself for how he's treated, which billions frames as being Rude & Mean, and so too does everyone's abusers lmfao like and that these are his moments that are written to be Bringing It Upon Himself. and it's like hell yeah he doesn't blame himself. hell yeah that his self-esteem can manifest as anger at all. hell yeah that he keeps expressing himself with personality & confidence & doesn't even disguise his having been hurt, & it's this [his ass is Not grey rocking] that billions frames as both him "causing" his abuse & making that abuse "successful" lol, wrow just like real life!! and when like speaking of real life yeah it's not "bad" that people Do engage in strategies to mitigate & survive, including things like blaming themselves or being too "boring" to be anything but a non dialogued background character b/c that's all that goes unpunished, it's bad b/c it's done to them at all, not [ohh they're doing it to themselvesss] and like i'm asking myself like Ideally. what do i want Ideally. and i'd want winston to know that it's being Done To Him & i'd want him to find as much room for his personhood & autonomy as possible. and that's basically how he's written anyways, and billions hates that like You See this is why he deserves it this is why he's doing it to himself. and i'm like my god if that's not Inspiration for like "so what if people don't find you Personally Likable" and not preemptively holding back all personality or anything that'd draw attention as if you exist as a person in your own right & not something that only either gets in the way of or serves their wants of a Real person (someone with more power) like hell yeah you have him out here doing it =']

another fun addendum is like, billions isn't getting into it much b/c it doesn't seem to care much about "what if some people were peers & seem to have a genuine, recipcrocal relationship?" but that it just so happened to be like "oh tuk as the next closest loser who deserves it might be nice to winston" while it's framing winston as the "worse" Loser as being....unconditionally supportive of tuk. while the one downside of billions Also giving bentuk as much as it is is that it also inevitably has that shadow of "but ben is Superior to tuk" and like that it's correct that everyone encourages tuk to Stop Bringing It Upon Himself and start being less of a loser; it's wrong for winston to be like hey let's go have a foursome. like yeah probably don't make a list of the women you work with you'd be dtf but it's not like i'm convinced "ah billions and it's strong anti misogyny stance like" roflmao and billions is Not reflecting on "the downsides of unconditional support?" there when winston was beaten up for criticising taylor earlier like we WILL take his ideas while looting his [beaten unconscious] body there but he WAS wrong to express them as though he's BETTER than taylor!!! mafee's beautiful show of loyalty in kicking his ass even when he might agree with the argument and then benefit when it's adopted by taylor anyways! so it's as usual actually purely based on hierarchy & who gets to be in charge of people. it's correct for ben to be in charge of tuk, unless he has to step aside for that bizarre dead-end subplot about how it's tuk's fault if he's treated badly, b/c it's really his own Failure to have Confidence to know he has good ideas [raising our voice to deliver this message over the sound of breaking desks and chairs and computer monitors over winston because he had the confidence to act like he deserved to talk to someone and because he knows his ideas efforts & results are good & valuable around there] like. and isn't it sooo fucked up to talk about who you're dtf in the episode that has it be neutral if your boss is dtf & lets you know but is nice about it (and you're already Correctly tending to their ego, which you're responsible for!) like hey no possible problem! it's not even so much of a problem for a boss man to have the sex they're entitled to & be rude about their leveraging their power in that acquisition that it Stays a problem into the next season. ew, winston is Known (Inferred) Dtf??? we'll use it to exploit His vulnerability, exacerbate it, & punish him further for good measure in another episode that just revels in abuse & violation with a sexual aspect once again, but like, hey tuk don't do that, winston's such a Bad Influence for being like, shrug, kneejerk intervening with the Good Friendship where the One In Charge leaps in & Tells tuk the Correct thing to do. obviously there's also the tragedy that billions will Never let winston push back against Real Winners like rian or taylor in A Way That Matters (actually gets in their way at all) lol like. one thing that would have really been fun, winston should've literal kneejerk started physically fighting wags in either pertinent scene in 7x03 for real 110%. i wouldn't be like Gasp Violence Is Never The Answer if he just hit someone to hit them b/c fuck you. or broke anything on his way out etc etc. billions would Never let him. which is the other side of the same coin of [why he should get to]

tl;dr how great that winston's being "out of line" means he's basically always noticeably flouting & rebelling against the [He Deserves Abuse] agenda lol. that IS what i want. his being "beyond hope" like ohhh he's sooo stupid he doesn't realize how much he has the bad tastes & wrong interests & annoying personality He Will Always Be This Way like hell yeah!!! billions like oh no winston's personhood will never stay tamped down & locked away such that some godawful person tolerates keeping him in their inventory :( ohhh the ABA will never work :( that's right!!!!!!!!!! although they're not sad about it because it's about relishing the promise there will always be True Inferiors you can enjoy abusing with your righteous power over, but like well you wrote him escaping anyways even while dragging other "better" characters into standing around to serve axe's need for more than 1.8 employees and [crickets, reverberating cough, sneaker scuff] like. another ""wrong"" thing for winston to do, another thing for him to not "deserve," which is itself godawful actually lol like lord what it "rewards" its Good, Deserving characters with, no thanks. meanwhile winston's punishment is that he's autistic and """bad""" at being abused like lmfao good for him, fantastic for him, just what i want

[poisonedfate]

literally in distress over my job rejecting my availability

[alchemania]

Fractured Mirror.

Inazuma was not a place he haunted often, but Tetsuya found himself roaming here again, as Furina had wanted to get out and about seeing the world in her long journey to self discovery. Everything felt familiar - the maple trees, the sakura blossoms, the dendrobiums dotted across the beaches in silent testimony - but it did not feel like home; though it was the land of his birth.

Being slightly taller, it was easy to fall in stride with his friend, taking in everything around him in silence - he wasn't one to talk much, which was nice at times considering Furina was a chatterbox and a half. “It's so pretty here,” she breathed, eyes wide with wonder, and he nodded, noncommittally. That was one thing he would not disagree with - despite everything, Inazuma WAS beautiful. All of a sudden, the chatter and hustle and bustle around them seemed to stop, and Wanderer snapped to attention, eyes guarded.

“What's going on.”

“I'm not sure,” his friend replied nervously, walking up to a resident. “Um .. excuse me, what's happening???”

“She's coming!”

“Who is???”

But the woman took off in an excited dash, leaving a very confused former Hydro Archon in the dust, and she turned to Tetsuya, eyebrows raising all the way to her hairline. He shrugged in answer, shaking his head. “Looks like people around here are useless, as always. Guess we have no choice but to see for ourselves.” There turned out to be no need for that though, the crowd parted like a river a moment after that as a tall woman with violet hair pulled back in a braid that practically swept the floor made her way through, her very presence demanding respect. The duo froze, though for very different reasons, and Furina's jaw practically hit the ground.

“Is- is that-”

“The Raiden Shogun,” Tetsuya finished for her, eyes narrowing almost imperceptibly. “Yes.” Turning to his companion, he frowned. “Close your mouth. You're going to let flies in.” The girl hastily did so, staring up in awe as the other archon approached, while Wanderer merely glowered. Raiden practically towered over them both, her eyes curious as she sized them up.

“I know you,” she said, in greeting, and Tetsuya seemed as pale as the moon, throat closing up. No, no, that was impossible, there was no way she should - but then she moved closer to Furina, and he belatedly realized Ei was only speaking to her. “The Traveler has told me much of your endeavors. I must say, I have only the utmost respect, knowing all that has happened.”

“Ah- um,” the girl stammered, eyes very, very wide. “Thank you. It's nice to meet you, too-” and she extended a hand, which Ei stared at for a brief moment before taking it and squeezing firmly. 

“You must be tired from your journey. Would you like to come and rest for a while in my home?” 

“Ah, w- well-” Furina turned and looked to Tetsuya, who waved a hand nonchalantly.

“Go on, if you wish.” 

“Wait - please, hold on a second,” the girl implored, turning to the braided woman for a moment before taking her friend by the hand and rushing around the corner. “You have to come with me. You must!”

“I never agreed to visit anyone,” he frowned, eyes dark, and she grabbed his other hand, fear swimming in her expression. 

“Please?? I- well, she's -”

“An archon, yes. And what of it?” 

“I'm nervous, okay?”

“And you'd feel better if I was there?”

“Yes!” 

Wanderer averted his gaze, conflict swimming in his eyes. Of all times…why did she have to be here, now?? He thought he would never see her again, and he had resigned himself to that fact, but now she was here and of course she didn't remember him, of course she didn't, and it had so many emotions running through him- 

“.. please?” Furina almost whispered, and Tetsuya sighed, all the way from the pit of his soul. 

“Fine. But don't expect me to be all buddy buddy.” 

The girl's relief was palpable, and Wanderer let himself be pulled back to his mother, sullen. “We'll come!” 

“Excellent,” Ei nodded - though she did not smile, her eyes seemed softer, and she turned on her heel, beginning to move. “Let's be on our way, then.” Turning her head, she looked to Wanderer, and Furina looked between the two, gears turning in her head now that the initial shock was over. 

…wait a minute -

“I'm sorry, I did not address you earlier. I do not think that I know you, but I hope your stay here is pleasant.”

Wanderer averted his gaze, an unreadable emotion flickering in his eyes. “..no. You don't know me,” he replied, after a beat. Looking up, his eyebrows furrowed. “And I don't know you, either.”

“You are angry with me.”

“And the sky is blue. Anything else you wanna point out, Captain Obvious?” Tetsuya huffed, pushing past her roughly. “If you thought everyone would be worshiping at your feet after what's went down these past couple of years, think again. I'm only coming along because she begged me to. Let's get this over with.”

Ei and Furina exchanged glances, blinking twice, and then the older one sighed, looking weary. “..he seems quite troubled.”

“Yeah ..”

You don't know the half of it ..

“Despite not knowing him, I feel as if-” the woman shook her head then, cutting herself off. “No, never mind. It couldn't be. Come, Furina. Let's be going.” All the way, the shorter young lady looked between her two companions, an unspoken question in her eyes. The way these two carried themselves, their expressions, their mannerisms, they felt so…. similar. Wanderer had mentioned his mother before, though he hadn't told her much besides the fact that she had abandoned him when he was younger; but it didn't take much to put the two and two together.

..so then, why didn't Raiden recognize him??

The trio sat on couches, each one holding a cup of tea (in Wanderer's case, no sugar, while his mother and Furina added at least 3 cubes each); and Raiden began to make conversation. “Have you been faring alright after everything?” she asked the younger woman, and the girl hummed thoughtfully, looking to the floor.

“.. I'm…I'm getting there. As well as I can be, I guess."

“I understand. These things take time.”

“What would you know of human suffering?” Tetsuya countered, gaze resentful as he glowered above the rim of his cup. “How could you ever dream of wrapping your head around it after all-"

“Tetsuya,” Furina interrupted, and he closed his mouth into a thin, angry line. “It's alright.” Taking a breath, she went on. “..the prophecy was averted, but not without loss…it's.. difficult. To process, and to talk about. I'm sorry."

“I see. I am no stranger to loss, either. I've lost my friends, my sister…” Ei’s features marred with sorrow, and Furina nodded, sadly. “I wish I could tell you that it gets easier with time, but I find each loss to be a fresh wound within my soul. I'd say I've lost a creation, too,” and at that, Tetsuya gripped his cup so hard his knuckles turned white. This reaction did not escape Furina's gaze, and she looked to Raiden, suspicions rising. "But the scars ache less, over time.."

“You did..?”

“Long ago, yes. He was…very emotional, and I thought that he would not be able to bear the task I made him for. So I set him free. I felt as if- I at least owed him his own life. I didn't want him to be weighed down by that burden, or intervene wrongly in his fate.”

A dull but loud thunk sounded as a mug was almost slammed into the table.

“And what if the child wanted to stay?” Tetsuya suddenly butt in again before Furina could reply, head bowed so his face was not visible as both women turned to him. “What if it was not freedom for him? You- you set him free?? Don't make me laugh,” he scoffed, shoulders shaking with bitter chuckles. “You abandoned your child and left him alone in a world that he did not understand and yet you would fix your mouth to try and call it doing him a favor??? For all you know, he could be dead. He needed you, and you-”

Ei’s brow furrowed, and Furina could not help but notice how uncannily familiar it looked on her face- she had seen Tetsuya make the same expression thousands of times in confusion or frustration, or just plain anger.

“Your child needed you,” he repeated, trembling. “And you left him. What if he just wanted a mother. You couldn't even give him that. What if he-”

“You speak as if you know him,” Ei chimed in, and Furina was close enough to see a streak of pain fly across Tetsuya’s face as his chest heaved. Violet eyes fell to the Vision on Wanderer's chest, and suddenly, Raiden seemed to stop breathing. “...wait.”

“What,” Wanderer asked hollowly, voice cutting off when the goddess almost fell over herself to cross the room. “H- hey?”

“You,” she said, pointing to the golden feather on the casing of Tetsuya's Vision. “Where did- where did you get that. That's the emblem I gave to my-” A tense silence filled the air, and it was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop as things began to click. Ei blinked once, twice, three times, and then her pupils dilated so large they seemed to almost swallow up her irises. “...you don't - you don't know him, you- you are-”

“..your son,” Wanderer ventured, finally looking up, and as he did, tears splashed down his cheeks. “Yes. But you never saw me that way, did you?"

“You …needed me?”

“I did,” he whispered, finding the floor interesting. “But you were never there.”

“I'm so-”

“Stop,” he choked, shaking his head. “Don't - don't say you're sorry. It's hundreds of years too late for apologies. You can't - you can't fix anything,” and he stood up, scrubbing at his eyes furiously. “I hate you. And I always will,” Tetsuya finished, the markings on his bodysuit glowing as he beelined to the door and fled.

“Wait!!” Raiden called, outstretching a hand, and Furina stood, finding the strength to stand somehow.

“I'll - I'll go talk to him -”

“I'm coming with you,” Ei replied, in a tone that left no room for arguments, and the girl nodded, slowly. "We have to find him."

He wasn't not sure how long he flew for, just that everything was blurred and he could barely make heads or tails of anything around him. Eventually, Tetsuya came to a stop and clutched his chest, using his free hand to balance himself against a tree.

Hurts….

Though he didn't need to breathe, he found himself struggling to around his sobs anyway, little drops of water falling into the dirt and staining it. He hated this - hated feeling so vulnerable, so weak, so childish. “Stop that,” he chided himself, voice wobbly. “Stop crying, stop crying!” He didn't - need her, he'd been fine without her so why ..why???

…I don't hate her... I don't. I'm angry and I'm sad and confused but I -

“Why the hell is everything so confusing,” Tetsuya barely managed, putting a hand to his temple. His head hurt, and he grimaced in discomfort, dizzy. I. I need to sit down. . . Finding a pool of water, he sat by the riverbank, hugging his knees. “Why do I care so much,” he muttered, glowering into the horizon.

Just because she hurt you doesn't mean you can't miss her, Furina had told him some time ago, and he sighed, clutching his chest again. “.. I shouldn't. It would make things easier.”

Hours passed, and movement nearby startled him into alertness- when - when did the sun go down? Did he cry himself to sleep??? Why. .why was everything so warm???

“I found him!! He's over here,” Furina called, appearing through the underbrush, and Tetsuya stiffened as Raiden popped up not even a second later, eyes wide. Before he could speak, she bolted over, like lightning, and his eyes got wider and wider, looking fit to pop out of his head as she threw her arms around him and pulled him into her chest.

“..Ah - what -”

“I didn't know,” she was saying, tumbling over her words. “I wasn't aware, you saw me that way. I never - I never wanted to hurt you, I- but I did. I'm a warrior, not a mother. I don't know how to- I wouldn't have been-” Ei took a breath, shaky and shallow. “I am not asking for your forgiveness. But I want to tell you I'm sorry for the pain I unwittingly caused you. I can't fix it, or make it go away. But I'm sorry."

He'd often turned over situations like this playing out in his head, but now that it was actually happening, it felt unreal; and he felt hollow, anger draining away - at this point, he was just tired, and Tetsuya made no attempt to move, chest heaving. “Stop acting like you care,” he choked, hands trembling.

“I'm not,” she frowned, lifting his head so she would look at him. “I have many faults, but being a liar is not one of them.” He looked away sharply, tears threatening, and she brushed them away with her thumbs. “You don't have to forgive me, or trust me, or let me back in. But I need you to know that I - I didn't get rid of you because you were weak, or anything of that sort. I was afraid the world would hurt you, I was afraid you would crumble under the weight of everything -”

"And a lot of good that did,” he snapped, though there was much less venom behind it. “The world did hurt me, time and over again. And it all started with you, it all goes back to you, I -”

“You hate me.”

“No.”

“...No?”

“Yes?” Tetsuya went on, eyebrows knitting in distress. “I don't - I don't know, okay? I'm angry at you and I'm hurt you weren't around! But I - I also - I missed you, and I don't understand why. I don't - I don't need you,” he muttered. “I survived without you, but there's -” he clutched his chest then, tears flooding his eyes again. “It's like there's a hole, and no matter what I do, it won't go away,” and his shoulders shook. “And you did that to me. And then you - after what I said earlier, you still came to find me and - none of this makes any sense. .it would be so much easier to just hate you but I don't, and I hate this, I hate it so much,” he finished. A part of him wanted so badly to pull away, but another part wanted to be held and comforted, and that side was winning, to his chagrin.

Furina put a hand to his shoulder, and he looked to her before looking away, drained. After a moment, Ei frowned. “Tetsuya. You're burning up,” she noted, eyebrows furrowed with worry, and it was true; he was warm, much too warm. Tetsuya was never, ever warm- on the contrary, he almost always ran cool, hauntingly so. In response, he clutched his shirt so hard it wrinkled, chest heaving as he sobbed- and to both the others’ shock, his breaths came out in little visible puffs of air, though the night was warm. “What is the matter?”

“It hurts,” was all he could manage, eyes squeezing shut.

“Where? Where does it hurt? Just your chest?”

“I- I can't pinpoint a place,” Tetsuya replied, vexed. “It's just - it's everywhere. It's fine, I'll be alright -” and he wiggled out of her arms, attempting to stand. “Stop worrying.”

“If you're feverish, I don't think you should walk,” Furina worried, rushing over, and he weakly brushed her off. “Tetsuya, stop being stubborn and let us help-”

"Leave me alone," he growled, walking away. "I don't - I don't need-" And then he abruptly stopped talking, swaying where he stood before putting a hand to his temple. Tetsuya's eyelashes fluttered for just a moment, and then the next thing they knew, he was crumpling over, legs giving out.

"Tetsuya!!!"

Ei thankfully managed to catch the boy before he hit the ground, and he groaned in distress, clinging to her arm. "Mother-"

"I'm right here, I'm right here," she assured. "We- we can talk more later. Right now, we have to take care of you," and she scooped up the startled boy, Wanderer squawking in shock.

"What? Where are we -"

"Home," she stated, hurrying back to the estate. "Hold on."

(To be continued :) I'm thinking this will be a 2 partner, I didn't want this to be too long and figured this was a good stopping point.)

[mishkakagehishka]

Me when i dream of lil Mika but it's another nightmare

[candied-cae]

And Who Are We At The End Of The World? - Freaks and Fools

Chapter 15/? - - - Read it on AO3

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20]

Word Count: 9,634

Summary: While they await the final verdict, passing the hours by until the Hawkins Police decide what will happen to Eddie Munson, a few of them have some fun in his hospital room. A few others hammer out the details with the government operatives. And, eventually, the shoe has to drop...

What's going to happen so they can move on from Spring Break?

More ST Fics

-----------------------------------------------------

While most of the party was making their way to the high school, agreed upon gathering around one of the tables outside, one faded yellow pizza van was arriving at the hospital. Argyle got them parked, and Robin was swinging the door open for their two smaller backseat passengers to climb out. El, of course, was someone they already expected to bring. To make sure she didn’t get cornered somewhere alone while the others got things figured out. But Erica was also trailing along. She had promised to check on Max first thing for her brother while he was off with Dustin, telling the rest of Hellfire a good cover story for what was going on.

“Come along, ladies,” Robin grinned at the two as they hopped out onto the parking lot.

The older kids escorted the younger of them to check in and obtain their visitor passes and waved to Officer Nichols. He was posted outside Eddie’s room on a chair in the hallway, flipping through the morning paper while he sipped on a cup of crappy hospital coffee. He returned the gesture with a tip of his cup while Argyle hovered behind Erica, following her into Max’s room while she made her visit. The other two went for the door across the hall as Robin poked her head through first.

She actually had a particular question she’d been asked to extend before El came in with her.

“Heeyyy, Eddie?” she asked as she cracked open the door to the guy’s room, wearing a big, bright smile to hopefully win him over effortlessly.

Eddie looked over from the tv set quietly playing a cartoon. There was a second of confusion when he saw her face - only having expected to see El’s - when he noticed the expression spread across it. She had a suspicious kind of smile that cued him that she had a favor in mind,“ What do you want?”

The thing was that when Robin was getting picked up, the girl had stepped out of the car to say something before she got buckled in. Robin leaned over and El whispered to her something about when she had the sleepover with Max over the summer. That she’d mentioned wishing she could paint her nails. Max might’ve been a rough and tough kind of girl, but she liked feeling pretty and special too. But as active a kid as Max was, it would just chip off in no time. So the girl never really went through the trouble, even though she liked the look of them. And well… Max wasn’t really going to be doing too much right now… so El wanted to paint her nails as a little surprise for when she woke up.

But El had never even painted her own before, so surely it wouldn’t go very well.

So Robin had an idea.

She stepped a little further into the room and put her hands together,“ So, El needs to practice.”

“Practice?” he quoted back to her, his confusion coming back quickly.

“Painting nails.” Robin clarified,” She wants to paint Max’s. I offered to do it for her, but she really wants to do it herself.”

“And, what does that have to do with me?”

Robin hummed her words and came in just a little closer,“ Well, you don’t really need your hands, you know? Can’t even move them very far at the moment, so…”

“No.” he stopped her quickly.

“Come on! You’re not busy right now!” she argued.

With a wave of his hands, as far as they could while he was under the charges and restrained, he threw back,“ Offer her yours!”

“Mine are already painted! Obviously!” she told him, flashing her maroon-tipped fingers at him with a stern face.

And then Eddie was silent.

Considering.

Could he really say no? Even if it was being said to Robin’s face, it was really being said to El. And the girl did save his life. And she was kind of his favorite. And he liked Little Red. And he felt pretty bad for both of them…

“Fine.” He gritted out through clenched teeth,” But I’ll only accept black polish. Nothing frilly, or you’ll mess up my vibe.”

“I assumed that would be your preference.” Robin smiled to herself, pulling a bottle of black nail polish out of her back pocket that she nabbed when she came up with the idea,“ El! Come on, he’s in!”

The girl timidly joined them, her own hands tucked into the sleeves of her sweatshirt as she came forward to Eddie’s bedside.

He splayed his hand out for her and dropped his voice to sing a line,” I want it painted blaaack~”

He was hoping for a smile. Or a laugh. Or just, something to let him know he was funny and making the situation entertaining. But she just looked at him with a blank expression. And then her eyes drifted up at Robin, who was pulling up another chair, like she was asking for help with the comment.

“Come on. The Rolling Stones,” he explained, because maybe she didn’t know their whole discography, but she had to at least know the name.

But nothing. She just looked back at him, not even a glint of recognition behind her eyes.

“Okay, seriously? The Rolling Stones? You don’t know The Rolling Stones? They aren’t my favorite or anything, but geez- have you been living under a rock, girlie? They’ve been makin’ music for like twenty years.”

Robin chastised him with a gentle smack to his shoulder for expecting the kid, who had never been outside of a lab until three years before, to know about any musical artists except for her favorites. The two girls were getting sat down side-by-side on Eddie’s right hand when Arygle and Erica came into the room. They made themselves at home in the other chairs on Eddie’s left side and watched what was playing, which turned out to be an episode of Scooby Doo, Where Are You!

It was slow work of the pair on his hand. Robin was showing El a comfortable way to hold it and get a good angle for the brush. Showing her how to wipe off the excess polish in the rim of the bottle, and how to start in the middle before working her way back and pulling it along the sides to make it clean and easy to keep on the nail.

“Doesn’t get very messy if you don’t stress and take your time. ’Course, if you do get outside the lines a bit, not a big deal.” She added and exemplified with his pointer finger, letting the brush barely slip over the side,” I just take my thumb and gently scrape the little bit off of the skin with my nail to fix up the edges, like this-”

“Ow!” Eddie complained and shot Robin a glare.

She ignored the dramatics to whisper to El,” It doesn’t really hurt-”

“Yes, it does,” he insisted,” You just dug your nail into my- my-” he struggled for the word.

“Your cuticle?” Robin finished for him.

“Yeah! And it’s pointy, Robin!”

She rolled her eyes at him,“ It doesn’t hurt, El. Boys are just wimps. Max’ll be way tougher than this patient. When you do hers, she won’t even feel it-”

Robin had said it quickly. Absentmindedly. For a second, forgetting that Max was in a coma and couldn’t feel anything at all. And El didn’t look like the words hit her too badly, but Robin started sputtering anyway.

“I mean, even if she was awake, she wouldn’t… Like, we all know Max is a tough cookie in her own right, and she’d be fine. And she will be fine! And girls really do handle things better! The whole ‘beauty is pain’ thing and- Boys really complain about this sorta stuff way more and…” she fizzled out of her defense and added one last note,” It really doesn’t hurt. Promise.”

El simply nodded back.

“Says you.” Eddie grumbled to himself,“ How many slumber parties you been to where they train you mini-torturers anyway?”

Robin shrugged and focused on holding his middle finger for El to try painting on,“ Oh, none. I just sometimes make Steve try colors out with me when I can’t pick one. But he’s antsy and always picks it off within the hour, so… I get lots of practice.”

“You’re lying,” he dismissed the idea quickly.

She just quirked an eyebrow at him with a quiet “Am I?” that left him wondering.

Before Eddie could consider her words much further, Argyle was leaning over to Erica and asking who she thought the bad guy was for this particular episode. Now, of course, he’d already seen it and remembered who was hiding under the mask. So did Robin and Eddie. But Erica thumbed at her chin and hummed while recounting some of the plot.

“Weighing the variables," she’d said.

And the conversation moved on. Robin passed Eddie’s hands into El’s so she could continue, and the room was alight with the discussion of a far simpler mystery than the one they had waiting for them in the real world. And El was shy about it for a bit. She hesitated to take his hand, and she was stiff and extra careful with it when she held it. Like his hands were delicate and fragile. But after a few minutes rolled by, she was sufficiently focused on her paint job, instead of the fact that the hand was connected to someone. She started to relax around them. Letting their conversation pass over her while she soaked it up. Listening, but not worried about answering herself.

It was comfortable and easy.

The rest of the crew was less so at comfort or at ease.

The folks who were sent off to the meeting had all gathered around a cement table with the slow traffic of townspeople around them. Some of them go inside. Some of them leave. Some of them were just milling about like they didn’t know what to do.

Nobody really knew what to do. This sort of tragedy wasn’t something Hawkins had ever been faced with. And even the people who knew what was really going on didn’t know exactly what to do.

They had the barebones of a game plan. The idea was to get some tapes set up so they had a shield or buffer between them and Vecna when they rode into battle. And the understanding that they needed to find a way to take to that fight as soon as possible, preferably before Vecna got himself fully pulled back together. But there wasn’t anything solid. Nothing to really stand on except shifting quicksand.

Which was a maddening reality.

Nancy was mad, in case no one noticed.

She kept finding herself mad, what felt like all the time.

It felt like she just had this hair trigger, and so many things set it off.

And now she was meeting with a woman who kept pissing her off. So surely she was going to get even madder within the next few minutes. But she was meeting up with her with Jonathan, Steve, Joyce, and Hopper by her side. And - if the way he kept his arms crossed and his expression sour after Nancy pointed out that they handed El back to Dr. Brenner was any hint - Hop would be right there with her on being pissed off. They also had Will and Mike. They tried to leave them behind, but they both insisted on coming with them.

They hadn’t been there waiting very long. Maybe ten or so minutes. Sitting silently together. Because they didn’t really have much to say to each other. Next to her, though, Mike sat with a bouncing knee.

Then, just as Nancy was thinking she would need to snap at her brother for being incapable of sitting still- three agents strolled up.

They were all dressed in uniformity: dark, neutral suits and trench coats, hats and sunglasses, glossy, black dress shoes, and the exact same silver watches on each of their wrists. They were headed by the same woman Nancy kept butting heads with. She walked in the middle while two men were just shortly behind. And she was the only one with a briefcase tight in her fixed grip. The other two didn’t have one, but when the wind whipped and their coats opened, she could catch sight of the holsters on their hips.

“This isn’t all of you,” the man on the left said in place of a greeting. He was a tall and lanky guy. Bushy eyebrows and slicked, jet-black hair that just barely poked out of his fedora.

“No. It’s not.” Hopper answered, though clearly not giving up the information the man wanted him to. Silently challenging the guy to push it. See how tough he really thought he was. Hop took a step forward and told him,” But it’s everyone you’re going to get. So, let’s talk.”

“Let’s.”

The woman cut between them, seeming to try and soften the tension, though Nancy felt like she did the opposite every time she’d seen her,“ Why don’t we start with what happened to you? It’s been months since you were presumed dead-”

“Eight months,” the guy on the right clarified. Shorter than the other. With a mop of dirty blonde on his head and a speckling of freckles across his cheeks.

Hop just shrugged and blew between his lips casually,“ Not much. Blew up the mall gate. Wasn’t enough to kill me. Russians came back. Found me. Smuggled me out. Threw me in a cell. Sat in prison til we snuck our way back over.”

“You say that like it’s simple-” the woman started.

“It’s the simplest part of this mess because it’s over and dealt with.” He declared,” So let’s skip to the next part: the bullshit happening right here, right now.”

And she didn���t really seem to like that answer. Probably something about paperwork and files that would be left blank or vague about his unaccounted-for time. But the blonde didn’t hold any argument.

“So, what do you know?” he asked, content with moving right along to the current shit show.

“We know there’s a problem in fair Verona. A disagreement.” Will spoke up. Having just covered the play in Lenora, the legendary dueling families were fresh on his mind. And the need to know if these people were friends or foes to his sister was one of the most urgent concerns he'd been thinking over time and time again.

And then, as if Mike was right there in his head, he continued the comparison,“ A disagreement about what to do with El. So, are you Montagues or Capulets?”

The woman rolled her eyes, and with an exasperated tone said,“ We’re in this with Dr. Owens. We know the girl didn’t cause all of this-”

“But we don’t know what did.” The blonde stepped forward to insist,” Care to enlighten us with what you’ve found out while you were running around?”

Nancy shifted in her seat,“ How much do you know about Dr. Brenner’s original experiment?”

“His data’s on a need-to-know basis,” he returned.

“So nothing? Or just about?” Nancy guessed. Enjoying just a little bit of how it felt to know more than them about the atrocities of their department’s precious scientist.

“The point?” the black-haired one pushed.

“Well - since it’s all ‘need-to-know’ at this point anyway - the first child he snatched for his superpowered kids game was Henry Creel. I assume you’ve at least looked into what happened at the Creel house a few decades ago considering the similarity in the recent murders?”

The woman gritted her teeth,“ Yes, we have-”

“Good.” Nancy steamrolled on through,” After those, the doctor got custody of him. Made him subject number one of his great experiment. Used him as the blueprint to try and replicate his… condition, in others. But, if the dead and tortured family was any indication, he wasn’t very stable. For some reason, or other, the doctor removed him from the experiment and kept him in the lab to keep an eye on him. Gave him an implant that suppressed his abilities. Henry didn’t like that. So when he got the implant out and had the opportunity to use them again, he killed over a dozen of the newer models and just about every member of staff at the lab.”

“El,” Mike jumped in,” was the one who stopped him from getting out by getting rid of him. She was stronger. Trapped him in the Upside Down all on her own. Practically by accident. On instinct. So he couldn’t hurt more people.”

“Sounds like a happy ending. Just one problem: what’s he been doing causing death and destruction over the course of these last two weeks then?” the taller man asked.

“It’s not been just these past two weeks. Every time we’ve had… an ‘event’ it’s been him trying to get back. Get back here.” Joyce informed.

Hop summarized the timeline,“ Three years ago, Dr. Brenner was pushing her, and she made contact in the Upside Down. Once Henry found out there that there must be a way to reopen that connection, he was. He’s been trying to claw a way back here and finish business. Which we’re all pretty keen on not letting him do.”

“Why- What does he want to do that we can’t let happen? If he’s just trying to come back, why doesn’t El just open the door and let him through so all the other things stop mixing in?” the woman asked, rubbing her temples.

“He wants to destroy everything,” Nancy answered. Cold. Remembering what he showed her. His promise for what he’d do.

The air of the conversation shifted. The three of them were finally starting to understand the stakes at play this time.

“It wasn’t just about hurting the people in the lab that made him a prisoner. He wants to get rid of all of it.” Jonathan explained a little further.

“What would he even gain from that?”

Nancy took back over,“ He thinks humanity is a failure. A calamity with faults so deeply ingrained in us that the only choice is to start creation, civilization, all over again. In his image of what’s right and natural, of course.”

“And- where do we stand with this? With keeping this from happening?”

“He needed to take four lives to open the gate and get back onto this side. We met him in the Upside Down while he was staking out Max and lit his ass up.” Steve answered with a slight nudge to Nancy’s shoulder for being the one to fire the buckshot right into his ugly mug.

“But it wasn’t enough.” She admitted,” Max died. And he disappeared when the gate opened, but El kept her from staying dead, so the gate snapped shut again. We don’t know what happened after that. He could be in some kind of limbo between dimensions, or hiding out somewhere here, or still on the other side. We just don’t know. Will can’t feel him.”

The blonde looked at the boy,“ You can’t?”

Will shook his head,“ Not like the last times he’s come back. He’s not totally there, sparking things up again. But he’s not gone. He’s still there, just… small, and- and it’s like he’s curled up in some corner. Putting himself back together.”

“And what happens when he’s got himself straightened out?” the other man asked, unkept eyebrows raised.

Nancy let out a remorseful huff,“ Best guess is he tries to brute force the gate back open with Max’s half-death. Or he’ll try to reach back over and finish the job. Maybe even go after someone new if he has to, but he doesn't like losing, so surely he wants to get at Max.”

“Which we won’t let happen.” Steve needed to say.

The agents looked… off-kilter. Like they’d been rocked off of their foundation for the first time. The first real surprise. They were used to dealing with weird things. Unusual, inexplicable things. Dangerous things. But this was a whole new ball game, and there were finally getting a lay of just how messed up the land was this time.

“And what of the NINA Project?” the woman steered the conversation, wanting to finish fleshing out where they all stood within the organization.

“We didn’t stick around long. But what we did see was a lot of bodies, a lot of fire, a helicopter fell out of the sky… and Dr. Brenner can’t hurt El anymore.” Jonathan filled in.

“Dr. Owens?”

“Didn’t see him.” Will said,” We’ve been telling El to take it easy after the fight and trying to find One again, so she hasn’t tried to find him yet, but she doesn’t know what happened. Didn’t see him after Brenner drugged her.”

“But the girl, the project itself, it was successful…?”

Mike confirmed,“ Her powers are back. Stronger than they were when they went away. But that doesn’t mean that this will just get taken care of with a snap of her fingers when we find him. She threw everything she had at him-”

Nancy threw in,“ While the rest of us were risking our lives doing the same-”

“-And all that didn’t finish him off. Somehow, he’s still kicking. And he’s going to keep trying to get back over here if we can’t take the fight to him and end it for real.”

The three agents were silent for a minute. Processing, if the locals had to guess. Trying to figure out what it all meant and what options they had. They all looked deflated by the time the woman spoke up.

“What’s the plan?”

“Wow, you don’t have one for us? Shocker.” Nancy cut out.

“We-”

“It’s so surprising that you are, yet again, useless.”

Joyce put her hand over Nancy’s to try and soothe her,” We’ll figure it out.”

The woman sounded humbled, quieter, when she next asked,“ What can we do?”

And maybe that was it.

Maybe that’s what Nancy has been waiting to see. To see them accept it, just accept that they messed up. Accept that they didn’t have all the answers. That they were wrong. They didn’t say it outright. That was probably lesson one when they joined the supernatural clean-up crew: Not admitting culpability.

But that silence. And the question that followed.

It did something. Took some pressure off the hair-trigger of Nancy’s rage. Because it meant she’d been justified before. She was right and now they knew it.

She took a breath and calmly asked,“ Can you bankroll a trip to the RadioShack and wherever else we go to for supplies?”

And the woman nodded,“ We can do that."

“And Eddie and Max’s hospital bills,” Mike added.

“And when two more come to town, we need to get their citizenship worked out.” Joyce considered the Antonov’s.

“And find a way to make sure the California Stowaways don’t have any problems trying to graduate after this mess.” Jonathan thought for himself and Argyle.

“And, if you hear anything from Dr. Sam, you let us know. You let us know if you hear anything about unexplainable earthquakes, demo-murders, or general Upside Down related business. The minute you know. So we all stay on the same page.” Nancy spoke.

“And whatever Max wants when she wakes up, she gets. Period.” Steve added.

Jim pointed out,“ And guns. We’d like more guns.”

Nancy quickly agreed,“ I second the vote for guns.”

Which brought a smile to Hop’s face. That girl was something all her own.

“We’ll start working on things.” The man on the right said after he was done jotting things down in a notepad.

The three agents nodded a silent agreement and were about to walk away when the sight sparked something for Nancy.

“This is it?”

“What?” the woman asked her.

“This. The three of you. This is all of you that’s left. Isn’t it?”

The teens and two parents looked at her and then between the agents when they didn’t have a thing to say for themselves.

Jonathan questioned it next,“ Is she right?”

“We-” the leftie was about to lie when the woman cut him off for the simple truth.

“There are two others still working on contacting any of the team that might’ve made it out of the NINA Project. But besides that, this is all. We’re it.”

“You used to be dozens with a fleet of vans…” Mike wondered in shock, remembering the insurmountable difficulty they’d been to dodge three years before.

“The Capulets have made times difficult for the Montagues. We got stretched thin, and most of us that were trustworthy enough to stay on the force on Owen’s side went to work at the bunker in Nevada. The rest of us came out here when things started looking hairy. Which… isn’t a comforting reality, I’m sure. But, if you focus on fine-tuning that wishlist so we can be done with Fair Verona as a whole, maybe we still have a chance at getting out of this play better than the lovers did.”

Nobody really knew what to say. But the woman stepped forward and spoke directly to Nancy for her last lines.

“We’ll keep you updated with what we know, and you do the same. We haven’t gotten along well, up until this point. But we all want this to be over. And we all want to suffer as little damage as possible. We don’t have to be adversaries in getting across the finish line.”

Nancy met her gaze. And for the first time, she wasn’t so furious at the green staring down at her.

“Agreed.”

And then they were gone. Packed into black cars and driving off to “deal with business.”

And Nancy found herself left with… a vacancy where her anger had sat. She still had plenty to be mad about, but the focus of it that she had temporarily shifted onto the government suits was now gone. And she was left dissatisfied. And the hollow feeling wasn’t enough. It didn’t sit in her, filling her up and taking up her attention, like the anger did. And then she had to wonder if she might’ve made the whole mess worse than it needed to be. At least a little bit.

They were wrong for being in Hawkins and not saying anything, yes.

They were wrong for letting El suffer Dr. Brenner’s experiments again, yes.

They were wrong for taking down to her before, yes.

But she turned them into a big, evil monster in her head that they simply weren’t. They weren’t the monster they had to defeat at the end of the day. But maybe she’d decided they were because they got in her way enough and were something she could fight against while Vecna remained a big question mark in her notebook.

So maybe she’d been unnecessarily mean, fostered animosity between them because it felt better to have a reason. It felt better to have something to be mad at and yell in the face of.

Maybe she should be worried that it felt better to be mad at people who didn’t completely deserve it than to not have anything to do with herself.

“Welp,” Hopper clapped his hands on his legs and stood up, interrupting her train of thought,” I have a Chief of Police to soften up.”

“Bribery?” Joyce asked him, just a hint of judgment in her tone. Not much, though.

“If it works.”

After a little while, El had moved on to Eddie’s other hand. She was far more comfortable with holding it and painting along his short nails as she was reaching the end of her work. There was some discussion happening around her. Not one that she’d been paying much attention to for the last few minutes. She had followed along earlier. But over the last little bit of time, she’s had a question buzzing around her mind she really wanted to ask that was distracting her.

“Eddie?” she spoke quietly, not wanting to stop the room’s talk even if she was stealing his attention for a minute.

He looked away from Argyle’s lackadaisical questions about life growing up in rural Indiana he’d been posing for everyone over the last twenty minutes. She hadn’t looked at him when she spoke, kept her eyes fixed on the pinky finger in her hold as she started its first coat.

“Yeah, angel?”

She hesitated, swallowing to steel herself before she just tried to push it out,“ Dustin said… he said they call you ‘freak’ too?”

And maybe the words themselves would’ve sounded like a statement. But from her, they were certainly a question. And they sounded like just the tip of an iceberg. Because she said “too.” And she said it softly and ashamed.

Someone made her feel that way.

“Does someone call you that?” he asked, voice gentle as he could make it. The other three in the room pretended like they couldn’t hear them, instead trying to paint a picture for the Californian of the divisive political nightmare that was the Starcourt mall when it was built the summer before.

El didn’t answer though. Just kept her gaze on sweeping the black polish down his nail. Lips tight together with a slight, barely perceptible tremor that said all too much.

With a sigh, Eddie pulled on the part of his character that he thought might help.

“Well, for the record,” he started, bringing himself all high and mighty against her sullen expression,” over here they call me ‘The Freak.’ So, like, the freakiest freak of them all, you know. I get it. I am a freak. I’m weird and off and certifiably freaky, and I like it. But, you little lady? You ain’t no freak. You’re super normal.”

She giggled at the idea. Couldn’t help herself. Eddie must’ve had her figured all wrong to say something like that.

“What?” He wondered, playfully dropping his head to the side to look at her,” People never tell the kiddo with magic powers she’s normal?”

She cast her eyes up at him as if to ask “What do you think?” before quickly putting them back on their task.

He shrugged it off,“ I mean, sure, the magic power part is, admittedly, a little off the baseline. I won’t lie. And the haircut. But I’d say that makes you way cooler than everyone else. I was rocking the tight buzz myself once upon a time, and not everyone can make it work like the two of us do. But besides those two very small factors, you seem like just any other little girl to me. Way more normal than miss Erica over there. First time I met her, she was already lecturing me about venomous knives-”

“It was one poisoned kukri,” she corrected, unable to keep the comment to herself.

He lowered his voice and leaned in,“ See what I mean? But you? Nah, you’re just fine.”

She finally looked up and held his eyes,“ Fine?”

And he smiled back at her, as bright and assured as he could manage,“ Yeah. Just fine. And even if you were a freak like me, you’d still be fine. I’d accept you into my beloved kingdom and show you that being a freak isn’t bad. It’s actually a whole lot of fun. I know we’re still new to each other, but will you trust me on that much? As a freak speaking from experience on it?”

And she looked kind of like a weight had been lifted off of her. One she’s carried for so long with no idea how to understand. No idea how to get rid of or come to terms with.

But somehow, being told she was normal, even when it still didn’t quite fit… it felt better than all the times Mike called her his superhero.

She was different. No amount of “but it’s special” ever got rid of the feeling that there was something wrong with her. And for so long, she would’ve given anything not to be the way she was. And yet, here this guy was. This near stranger that told her he didn’t find her all that weird. That he didn’t find it impossible to look past the things the lab did to her.

It felt nice. To try and believe him for a minute. To pretend like “normal” would be an option after they shut the door on the Upside Down for good.

And maybe one day she’ll be able to believe she doesn’t need it anyway. Decide that normal was fine and all, but she can also be a freak and still be just as fine because she chose to enjoy it. Eddie seemed happy enough in it. Even handcuffed to a hospital bed and having just escaped death, he was still loving being a freak.

“Yeah,” she decided. She’d trust his advice. Why not? It felt way better than the alternative.

“Good,” he remarked before splaying his hand to view for himself,” And thank you for my bitchin’ claws, kid. I’m sure Little Red’s set’ll look great too.”

“Thanks…” she smiled a little wider, capping the black polish and setting it down on the table by the bright orange they’d brought for Max’s.

“Of course. Surprise, surprise, she’s good at more than just saving lives. Though I doubt I’ll ever really get over the fact that you saved mine, you know. You would not believe the hell I’d have tried to raise if I died before I got to see Ozzy live.”

“Ozzy?” she asked, tilting her head with the inquisition.

And if he weren’t laid up and chained in place, Eddie would’ve tried to fling himself to the floor with a gasp.

“Another person who doesn’t know about the one and only Ozzy? God- you people are killing me here!” he groaned and writhed in his bed for effect, pulling another giggle out of the girl at his side while the rest of the room playfully rolled their eyes at his antics.

“Wasn’t sure you’d show.” Police Chief Powell said as Jim pushed in what used to be his door.

At least, it had been until he went and got himself abducted, of course. Now it was Calvin’s. And he sat behind the desk wearing a face that Hopper probably guessed he’s worn before. Long nights, early mornings, shit getting kicked up faster than a town as small as theirs had any right to. He remembers being in that spot and feeling just as exhausted as Calvin looked.

He strode in with the confidence that said that office was still his in some way,” Said I would.”

“Yeah, but you always hated mornings at the station. Came in late as often as you could.” Powell pointed out.

Jim smiled and shook his head,“ You got me there. But I’m here, with coffee, as promised.”

He passed over the cheap paper cup. Took his seat in the chair opposite him while the man popped off the lid and shook out a few packets of sugar, definitely stolen from the break room and squirreled away in his desk drawer.

“Still got a sweet tooth?” he teased and sipped on his own cup, black and bitter.

The man raised an eyebrow at him while he stirred it around,“ You weren’t gone that long, you know.”

Jim had to give it to him,” Guess not. Not long enough for you to grow out of it, at least.”

They drank from their cups in a familiar, comfortable silence while Jim looked around the room. It was mostly the same. He’d never decorated much, so there wasn’t much to be taken down or changed. Same knots in all the wood grain. Same dents and scratches in the walls. Same scraps under the chair legs. New name on the nameplate, though. New man in the chair. New computer set up in front of him, big and clunky and off-white. Jesus Christ, Jim’s happy he involuntarily gave up the job before they’d made him regularly use one of those things, at least.

But, thinking of chiefly duties…

“Well, Cal, how’s it looking for the kid?” Jim brought up.

He looked at him for a second and asked, waving his cup to him,“ How do you even know Eddie Munson all that well? You’ve been gone for eight months, Jim. And while you were still here, we never busted him for the drugs.”

Jim settled back in the chair further and recounted,“ I told him to quit it a time or two, but didn’t want to make a fuss on his record about it. Never caught him in the act, and only ever with a baggie of pot on him.”

He took another sip and continued,“ But, besides that, I just want to see something done right by him. By this whole mess, I’ve heard about. I can’t explain how I know that what all the kids are saying is the truth. That he’s innocent. But I just do. Would stake my life on it. He didn’t do anything to the girl or those boys.”

Powell almost nodded to the fact, given what they’d been working on uncovering over the last few days,“ Well, we’ve been investigating the case based on their testimonies…”

He let his words trail off, but Hop was impatient for some good news.

“And?”

Powell met his eyes, and with a tone of near-disbelief, he admitted,“ We haven’t found a single shred of evidence to suggest they’re lying about it. Nothing beyond the locations of the murders speaks to Eddie having had anything to do with it. And while the kids could’ve had time to coordinate their stories with each other, the others we’ve interviewed couldn't have. And with the background we’ve dug up on the victims… The claim that this was all a huge mess perpetrated by Jason Carver as he kept digging himself a deeper hole to cover his tracks… it’s the more plausible theory between the two. Way more than the idea that Eddie just went crazy all of a sudden and convinced so many people to cover for him this well.”

“So you’re saying…?”

“We can’t charge a dead man with the crimes. Can’t detain him and interrogate him while we look for more evidence.” Powell pointed out, regretfully,” But we can drop Eddie from the suspect list. Take the cuffs off him, make an announcement, and turn him loose.”

“That’s good news, Cal. I’m sure he’ll be happy to hear it.”

“Oh, I’m sure. Better than sending him to the clink for something he didn’t do just to satisfy this town’s thirst for blood.”

“Aint that the truth.”

There was almost time for another silence to fall around them. But Calvin had a question to pose before it settled very long.

“So, what’ll you do now that you’re back?”

And it probably should’ve been a scary question. The prospect of the unknown. A whole slew of decisions to make now that his life’s been so completely thrown off-track. He probably should’ve already had some idea of a plan in place for what he’d return to without the walls of a Soviet prison making all the choices for him.

“I have no clue.” he honestly answered instead.

“What? Don’t want to get rehired back here at the station?”

“And do this grunt work?” They shared a hearty chuckle that spoke to all their years of complaining about both having not enough and way too much to do before he explained,” Nah. I don’t know what I’ll do, but I think I’m tired of trying to make this whole damn town my responsibility.”

“You think you already have enough of it with that kid of yours?”

Fondness crept its way into his face,“ Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

“How did that even happen? I feel like I had no clue you were even looking to adopt, much less had a kid already when you died and she was moving away with Joyce.”

“That’s a crazy story, Cal. Crazier than the shit that’s gone on here in recent days, I swear. But, uh, she’s mine. And she means everything to me. And I don’t want to do anything except be a good dad for her now. A job just seems like a waste of precious time.”

Powell brought his hands together and wistfully sighed,“ I hear ya…”

“What? Chief ain't treating you right? Wasn’t all it cracked up to be?”

“Don’t you make it sound like I’m whining about it. Wasn’t too much more to deal with until all this shit hit the fan. But this shit has been…”

“Hell on earth?” Jim supplied.

“Exactly. Slept either here or in the cruiser more nights than I did at home. I think the Missus is just about ready to march in here and drag me back into the cold side of the bed I left her with.”

Jim’s eyes snapped to his with more attention,“ Missus? So you and Wendy?”

“Finally tied the knot,” he pulled back his hand to reveal the wedding band on his left ring finger that he’d been twisting.

“Wow, been waiting on you to do it, what, six years now? And you up and decide to commit while I’m gone.”

“I ‘up and decided to commit’ because you were gone. Seeing you here one day and then just - poof - not anymore… Thought about taking up your badge and if the same thing happened to me… I was done wasting time.” Powell detailed the whole affair for the man who missed it,” So I bought the ring and proposed that same month. She spent forever on the phone, planning the whole thing out with her sister. Got married in December. Honeymooned over Christmas and New Year's.”

“That sounds nice.”

“It was. And, in a way, I had you to thank.”

Jim shook his head at that,“ Nah, you woulda wisened up one of these days. With or without me.”

“Maybe. But why don’t you tell me when you’re going to wisen up.”

“What does that mean?”

“You think the whole you-and-Joyce thing is subtle?”

They shared another laugh before Jim conceded,” No, I guess it isn’t.”

“You gave her your kid, Jim! That’s nearly grounds for an engagement right there.”

“Don't start talking like that, or I’ll get ideas and scare her off, Cal. We haven’t even had a single date yet.”

He was a little taken aback,“ Didn’t you two…? Back in high school?”

“No. Never.” Hopper corrected him,” We just ran into each other a lot, hung out cutting class sometimes…”

Powell didn’t really look like he believed him, but he let it slide to check him,” But now you’ll get a move on?”

“I guess now I owe it to her to get a move on. Already made her wait eight months for a damn dinner.”

Cal whistled,” Oh yeah, sounds like you best get a move on.”

“How ‘bout you do the same?” He said while he got up,” I’m sure that the kid’d like to know he’s a free man as soon as possible. You promised me you wouldn’t drag your feet on this.”

Powell stood up with him,“ And I’m not. Just waiting for Flo to let me know the machine’s done spitting out the official report. Then I'll be headed out to get started on cleaning things up.”

Before Jim turned to leave, he asked,“ Could I ask you for another favor?”

“What do you want from me now?”

“Nancy Wheeler. She’d been writing up the story on what happened for the school newspaper. She’s the only one with the inside scoop, has both the Munsons talking to her, and the most in-depth coverage of both the during and after of the arrest.”

“That’s good for her.”

“It is.” He agreed,” And if her's got to be the first article announcing that the charges have been dropped, before even the tv crews do, it’d go a long way for her resume down the line."

“I’ll bet it would."

"Especially since she'll have to help spearhead women in investigative journalism in the first place.”

"I never did like the press... But you tell her she can stop by and get a quote. As long as none of the other kids get in the way of it, she can get her story printed before morning news runs with it tomorrow.”

“I will. Thank you. Really. I’m happy to know the seat I left empty got filled by someone fit to sit in it.”

“God, what’d they do to you while you were gone?” Powell rounded the desk to stand next to him,” You’ve gone all sappy and soft in your time off.”

Jim bumped against his shoulder,“ Let’s just call it gettin’ old and leave it at that.”

“And see, I would've bet good money you’d be one of them crotchety things. Screaming from your front porch at everyone who dares pass by.”

“I woulda bet on it too. Now look at me.”

“It’s a good look on you. Enjoy it.”

Then, Flo burst through the doors, thumbing through freshly printed papers and eyeing them through her glasses instead of looking up,“ Your paperwork is all done, Chie- Jim? How are- When did you slip in?”

“Flo,” he greeted simply with a smile to the woman who practically kept that department running by being the biggest pain in his ass the entire time.

She tucked herself against his side in a quick hug, turns out working with someone for about eight years mean they miss you a little bit. Who would have guessed?

She held the papers into her chest and reached out to shove at his shoulder,“ I’m almost scared to ask if this is someone’s stupid idea of an April Fool’s joke.”

“It’s April first?” Jim asked, looking at the calendar on the wall that was fully crossed off but hadn’t been flipped to the new month yet.

“Sure is,” she confirmed while Powell took the hint to change it.

“Thanks for reminding me…” Jim thought of something for a minute,” I’ll be heading off. Was good catching up.”

With Eddie’s hands all painted, Argyle found himself the only one in the room without. He’d held out his hand for Erica and asked if she thought he’d look cute with shimmery pink nails like hers. Which made all of them laugh. But she said it didn’t exactly fit his vibe, so he then turned to all of the girls and was letting them debate what kind of color they’d put him in if they could. There were a few ideas of a mossy green, or a peachy orange, or maybe a daffodil yellow when Hop’s voice cracked through the walkie they’d perched on the windowsill of the hospital room.

“Hey, any rotten kids around?”

Robin leaned over and snatched it off the ledge,” Rotten kids one through five checking in. What’s the word on the construction for gallows in the town square?”

“Just spoke to Cal on how the case is looking,” was all he answered.

Robin took a look around the room with a stilted expression,“ And? What’d he say?”

There was no response.

“Hello? Requesting status on the conflict between Ex-Chief, Jim Hopper, and Current Chief, Calvin Powell?” she joked.

Hop’s voice came back in a low rumble,“ I’m real sorry, kid…”

All at once, Eddie felt his stomach plummet through the tile floor.

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

They’d been joking around and having fun all morning… he forgot for a minute that things don’t always just turn out. They usually didn’t before he found out the world was ending, but his luck hadn’t been so bad recently. He cheated death and made some new friends, but it seemed the legal system was going to be a fouler beast to defeat.

Shit.

Jim continued,“ They’ve been digging through everything, but it’s just not enough to convince them…”

Robin shook her head as his voice faded out. She looked back up at the accused man and remained defiant,“ Don’t worry, Eddie. We- we can keep trying to figure this out. We’re not going to quit on you and we aren’t going to let them chuck you behind bars for the rest of your life. Okay? Well… We’ll put together a petition! Or gather a protest! Or- We have Nance’s paper she’s gonna publish! We’ll get people on your side and figure something out. We won’t give up on-”

But the radio cut right through her,“ I just can’t get ‘em to put you in prison stripes.”

And everything stopped.

Eddie's heart stopped beating, his lungs stopped breathing, the whole fucking Earth stopped spinning under him.

“Wait-” Robin asked herself before remembering to pull the walkie up to her face and click the button,“ What?”

The next time Hopper’s voice came through, they could hear the grin he was trying to fight back,“ He’s on his way down now to tell you officially, but the Hawkins Police Department is dropping the charges. Congratulations. You buncha deviants did a good job showin’ ‘em all what’s what.”

“Are you kidding?!” Eddie’s voice rang through the room, Robin having clicked down the button in time for Jim to catch most of it.

“What? Nobody’s ever heard of an April Fool’s joke?” he asked.

“Most April Fool’s jokes aren’t supposed to make the victim die of a heart attack!” the man yelled, voice rising in pitch.

“He’s still breathing ain’t he?”

“Oh my god- as if that even makes it okay to tell a guy he’s going to be prosecuted for like a hundred murders-”

“It would’ve been three, maybe four, and an assault at most, Eddie,” Robin tried to remind him, setting down and forgetting the walkie on the table.

“They would’ve sentenced me to like a hundred years, Robin!” he argued back.

“I just told you we would’ve figured it out-”

“I’ll take that as a yes. So, he’ll be fine.” Jim assumably answered the silence he received.

El took the walkie herself to tell him,” Was still a mean joke.”

“You kids need to lighten up. Yeesh. Nobody around here knows how to have any fun anymore.”

Eddie’s room filled up after that. Nancy, Steve, Mike, and Will arrive shortly after, just barely beating Chief Powell. He went over all the news with Eddie and the officer there. They undo his cuffs and explain that he won’t even have a misdemeanor for the drug distribution he admitted to at the end of the day. And since Nancy was right there, she got his statement and would get to send out her papers before the news channels ran an official announcement. If he faced any harassment despite it, though, the Hawkins Police department would help him out.

Then the rest of Hellfire showed up. Dustin and Lucas, along with Jeff, Gareth, Bruce, and Josie. Those four were particularly relieved to see him okay after everything. Not having received any update between Jason’s “Where’s Eddie?” interrogation and “Eddie Munson; Prime Suspect” and “Eddie’s in the hospital” they got from the boys that same morning. They were just saying their hellos when a nurse came in and tried to show them out.

“Awe, but we were celebrating,” Dustin complained to her.

She just looked down at him and hummed,“ Well, I’m sure Mr. Munson would prefer that we checked over everything privately. Like getting that catheter removed. Am I correct?”

Eddie didn’t hesitate to erupt with a pointed finger towards the door,“ Everybody, get the fuck out! Now!”

They got him taken care of and returned his things, but kept him in the hospital gown and hooked up to the IV.

They weren’t letting him out just yet. Turned out that when you nearly die of blood loss, the medical community likes to hold on to you. Make sure the wounds start healing over well, and there wouldn't be any deficits before the guy could start strolling about town. Who knew.

They decided to keep him until the end of the week, just to be safe.

In any news, they let his friends back in to annoy him. And, if Max’s mother signed some moving paperwork, she’d get wheeled into his room to share the rest of his stay with her the next morning. Hellfire made plans to camp out with him sometime and hold a one-shot around his bedside. Even roped newly returned Will Byers in agreeing to play, even though he didn’t know the rest of the club and was a little nervous.

When four o’clock hit, his uncle arrived and pulled him out of the bed for a real hug after the room emptied out.

Everyone else scampered off home, save for Robin, Nancy, and Steve.

They went to the school and used Nancy’s key to the newsroom to format her release and get Steve’s story for it. He sat on the light table while Robin threw questions at him. And they argued about how exactly he should word his answers the whole time Nancy typed away at the computer. They were crammed together working on it for a few hours, easily. And then they gathered up by the printer and folded hundreds of copies of the account. Using the school’s dime and credentials to get the news out as quickly as possible with at least a little reliability.

They were filling up milk crates from the cafeteria with stacks of them and loading them up into the Surfer Boy Pizza van when Jonathan and Argyle stopped by. The pair ran them around town and packed them into the newspaper boxes, even though technically they weren’t supposed to. Steve and Robin ran a few of them around the homes of people they knew were in a lot of the local groups and communities and would spread the word the fastest, and to Eddie’s neighbors. Those of them that were still at the trailer park.

Nancy dropped off copies in the mailboxes of some of the businesses for them to see first thing in the morning: the Hawkins’ Post and local news station, particularly. And then she dropped off a bunch of enveloped ones at the post office like they had when they released the tape about Barb less than two years before. To correct the brigade they’d been running with over the last week.

By the time the sun came back up, it should be on a world that believed Eddie was innocent. Or at least could be convinced of it soon.

As they were finishing up their rounds and headed back towards Robin’s house for drop-off, Steve stopped by his mailbox. He’d forgotten to for the last few days, and when they were about to pass it by, he figured he should grab anything while he was thinking about it before he came back later and forgot again.

There was a little bit that built up. Nearly all of it was addressed to his parents. But there was one letter with Steve’s name on it. Sent from the Family Video Headquarters in Glenview, Illinois.

“What…?” he mumbled to himself when he saw it.

“Come on, Steve,” Robin called from the rolled-down window,” Let’s get me home, so my parents don’t try to find new reasons to disapprove of our treasured friendship.”

“Just a second.”

Steve tore open the envelope right there, standing outside by his mailbox with the others tucked under his arm. When he pulled out the papers inside, they certainly held a surprise of a completely different kind. Not the stuff he got surprised with earlier that week. Not supernatural, end of days stuff. Instead, the mail spoke of incredibly mundane, and yet totally shocking stuff.

“Holy shit…”

Robin perked up at his expression while he read the paper“ Steve? What is it?”

He didn’t even look up for the paper when he quietly sputtered,“ I’m the manager…”

“What?” Robin knocked her head to the side and opened the door. Stepping out onto the street and rounding the car to join him.

“I-” he tried to start, then switched gears and looked at her,” Keith skipped town. So did half the staff. It’s just you, me, and Alex left in Hawkins now. Family Video sent the letter to me because I’m older and have the most hours on the schedule. They can’t convince anyone else to move out here to take over the building since Hawkins is so cursed in the public eye. So I- I’m the manager now.”

Her eyes fell to the paper, and she parroted his first thought,“ Holy shit…”

“We’re supposed to re-open on Friday and try to get things back in business.”

After… everything… that was so out of left field.

“April Fools?” Robin tried.

“They sent over the rest of the keys and instructions…“ Steve separated the open letter from the stapled packet behind it and held up the three new keys he had. For the office door, locked filing cabinet, and emergency exit.

“So, not April Fools…” Robin looked at the official paperwork and reminded him,” Steve. You don’t know how to run a store.”

Which, yes, was true. Steve did not know how to run a store. But the thing was that Steve and Robin never did any work truly on their own. So he looked back up at her and emphasized how absolutely tied together they were in it.

“We don’t know how to run a store.” he corrected.

“We don’t know how to run a store.” she agreed.

“We’ll have to figure it out…”