#i don't care if they're written for each other or never interacted once

[m-for-now]

Something that I feel like I should emphasize again about my type of shipping is that I care so much more for the dynamic and depth of a relationship than wether it's romantic or platonic or queer-platonic or some other kind of connection.

Give me the actual interactions and parallels and dynamic and i'm in

[rabbitsrants]

PROOF THAT SHINRAN IS ONE OF THE MOST BRILLIANTLY WRITTEN ROMANCES OF ALL TIME - PART 4

symbolism

disclaimer: gosho's imagery is subtle and therefore often overlooked, so in order to highlight it, i'll be referencing the work of suzanne collins, an author who tends to spell out her metaphors more

sharks

chapter 882-884

how the case begins:

how it progresses:

this isn't gosho's first time exploring the theme of sharks in the manga:

chapter 311

both shinichi and haibara relate to sharks, they're self-admittedly drawn to blood and darkness. but why?

haibara was born into it, she didn't have a choice... and even though she's no longer a part of the black organization, she still carries the past with her.

shinichi on the other hand? he seeks it out. he directly confronts it, because he wants to defeat it. his unfaltering idealism is what pushes him to be a shark.

ran is very idealistic too, which i talk about here. so why doesn't she act like a shark?

"Finnick knows then what Haymitch and I know. About Peeta. Being truly, deep-down better than the rest of us." - Suzanne Collins, Catching Fire Chapter 19

the closest that gosho comes to spelling it out like this, is haibara's line about ran "i'm up against dolphin, one of the most loveable creatures in the ocean"

ran's defined by more than her virtuous nature, she's also unbelievably compassionate and sensitive. that's what makes her a dolphin.

her unmatched kindness is constantly displayed throughout the whole manga.

sometimes it irks shinichi:

chapter 787

sometimes it hurts him:

but most of the time it baffles and touches him:

chapter 258

now i'm going to say something that might be controversial: from what i've gathered, shinichi doesn't just appreciate ran's tender heart... he depends on it.

and i'm not saying that lightly, i'm aware that ran's caring nature affects a lot of dcmk characters - it's the reason why vermouth calls her an angel, why haibara refers to her as a dolphin and sees her as a sister figure, hell, it's the reason why kogoro's able to function most of the time.

but i'd still argue that nobody relies on it the way shinichi does, which brings me to the next symbol i want to analyze:

cherry blossom

flowers can represent a variety of concepts, depending on your source and in what context you use them for your writing. the same rule applies to cherry blossoms.

gosho's used it as symbol for justice in the past:

chapter 687

it's interesting to look at it through that lense, but i don't think that's what the cherry blossom represents for shinichi.

after doing some research, i came to the realization that cherry blossoms are widely believed to symbolize hope and the beginning of spring.

i think that interpretation makes a lot more sense for shinran. especially if we examine their first interaction:

chapter 924

shinichi shows ran his deduction skills to impress her... ironically he ends up impressing everyone but her. shinichi's condescension leads to a full-blown argument:

but then something completely unexpected happens... despite the fact that they don't know each other, despite the fact that shinichi insults ran, despite the fact that ran's completely put off by his arrogance, despite all of that... she offers him a cherry blossom and along with it the kindest smile he's ever seen:

and i just can't help feeling like ran's cherry blossom is symbolically very similar to suzanne's dandelion:

"I found him staring at me  from across the school yard. Our eyes met for only a second, then he turned his head away. I dropped my gaze, embarrassed, and that’s when I saw it. The first dandelion of the  year. A bell went off in my head. I thought of the hours spent  in the woods with my father and I knew how we were going to  survive.  To this day, I can never shake the connection between this  boy, Peeta Mellark, and the bread that gave me hope, and the  dandelion that reminded me that I was not doomed. And more  than once, I have turned in the school hallway and caught his  eyes trained on me, only to quickly flit away." - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games Chapter 3

"What I need to survive is not Gale’s fire, kindled with rage and hatred. I have plenty of fire myself. What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again. And only Peeta can give me that." Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay Chapter 27

and clearly, only ran can give that to shinichi...

let me further elaborate by revisiting the shark analogy:

the most beautiful dolphin in the sea sees a shark like him, calls him out on his bluff and instead of avoiding him, she actually welcomes him. ran shows him genuine affection, despite having so many reasons not to. how could he not fall for her?

for someone like shinichi, a cool shark who's able to recognize other predators in the sea from such a young age, seeing the innocence and warmth of a dolphin is pivotal for him, because it reminds him that there's so much more to life than constantly familiarizing himself with other sharks (in his childhood by reading and later by investigating them)... there's good too.

to summarize... shinichi sees a delicate cherry blossom, a gentle dolphin and holds on to her for dear life. he desperately clings to the promise of hope and spring, he depends on her affection and warmth. he needs ran, because without her winter would never end, he'd never escape to coldness of the sea, he'd freeze.

which explains why

a) he's so protective of her

b) ran's smile serves as a compass for shinichi throughout the whole story - while his mind is busy chasing sharks, shinichi's soul is persistently searching for the same smile that strummed his heartstrings all these years ago. which is why he immediately notices when ran's not okay (even though she's very skilled at concealing her pain) and why he always tries to make her feel better

and that's ultimately why

a) shinichi's keeping his identity a secret

b) he's so focused on getting his old body back

without ran, shinichi wouldn't have a constant inner conflict as conan, without her, he'd lack purpose and as a result, detective conan would be empty and lifeless.

ran's not just a love interest y'all...

she's the heart of the entire manga.

visit the shinran library for more

[sukifoof]

sometimes i think about the way asriel interacts with people and how he seems to believe that theres like. rules to friendship or something of the sort. maybe not Rules exactly but he seems to think there's a Correct way to act. he needs to do everything Right so he can get his Happy Ending. and the thing that really gets me about that is we only see him directly talk to two (2) people and that's chara and frisk. with chara it's like he's desperately trying to be as nice as possible and he just kind of goes along with whatever they say to keep them as a friend, and that only breaks once he feels like he's done something wrong (an example would be when he goes to asgore after getting scared by them). and how he says "i'd Never doubt You chara" despite obviously doubting this plan is so. yeah he's a people pleaser alright.

and Then there's frisk. flowey doesn't seem to see a point in befriending them for several reasons whether it's jealousy or an uncomfortable reminder of who he lost or that they remind him of himself. he talks to them as if he's thinking out loud, talking to himself. the only times he slips back into that persona is when he's trying to get the player to do what he wants like "oh maybe She has the key to your happiness :)" and this is Exactly why he NEVER believes anyone when they're genuinely kind to him. he thinks it MUST be an act because he thinks that's what his kindness is. he's so firm in his belief that he Must be terrible that he could never be genuinely kind or genuinely care about anyone. he's stuck in this cycle of self hatred from grief and his inability to Stop Masking For One Day Of His Life

so then it makes me think really hard about the way he interacts with papyrus. papyrus is really interesting cuz he's genuinely kind without just letting people do whatever they want to him. he has his boundaries and flowey knows how he'd respond to anything he says. and papyrus pretty much goes "wowww cant believe u would say that about urself" whenever anyone's a jerk to him which i'm SURE was amusing to flowey. we don't know much about how they talk to each other but they can probably understand each other's loneliness but i also think a lot about how sans says that flowey gives him praise and predictions. it just makes me wonder if he's Once Again falling back into his people pleaser habits with those he's fond of out of fear of losing them even though he knows how papyrus would react if he Was a jerk

flowey believing he can't feel and that this is so horrible of him is probably a result of him masking his whole life whether it's as the prince or someones friend and going "oh god this isnt really Me... what Is really me and did the Nice me die along with chara???" i just think. he's so unbelievably traumatized and clearly autistic (and probably has ocd tbh) and he doesn't know how to deal with it when he's done something that results in an unhappy end. that's Also why he blames himself so much he just thinks if he just did everything right everything would have turned out right. he's so well written in every aspect and it always makes me happy to see a well written character that i can relate to as someone with both ptsd and autism... thank u flowey i love u

[moonspirit]

hello moon. i’ve been lurking on your page for a long time, never interacted. maybe i can become a regular on here, who knows?

i was hoping you’d do that send a ship thing for aruani.. i found it strange you haven’t done them yet given how clearly obsessed you are with them. you’ve already done them for the lock screen thingy but i wanted to see the rest, it’s like 5AM for you rn.. but maybe your best thoughts are at the ass crack of dawn?

yours truly, behyuu.

Hi behyuu!

Haha, feel free to become a regular on my blog, no problem xD But I had received more than one request for Aruani, so I thought I'd do them all together.

Who said “I love you” first

I think it'd be Armin. From the boat scene in 131, when Annie asks him why he kept visiting her, he really could've said any number of things that wouldn't technically have been false, like "I wanted to make sure you were okay," or "I wanted to tell you what was happening," but he very clearly says "I wanted to see you, Annie." He was blushing like a ripe tomato, and yet he chose to say the one thing that would leave no room for any doubt as to what his feelings were. Armin doesn't hesitate to express himself through words, and with Annie, I believe he'd only take this a few steps further to tell her clearly that what he carries for her is love, nothing less.

Annie herself would not say "I love you" until a long time after they're comfortably together, I feel. She's been denied love all her love, deprived of it to the extent that Armin's barest hints of care were enough for to cling onto, and so being loved and loving back is all going to be so very new to her. She will express it through her body language, but not in words; not very early on in their relationship anyway.

In the long run, I really think this spoken-aloud form of reaffirmation from Armin would be the most beneficial for Annie. As much as physical touch is her way of seeking security, safety and comfort from him, it's also very crucial to be reminded that yes, the person kissing her and loving her body also really does love her, the way he never forgets to say in words.

Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background

I answered this one here!

Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror

Both maybe! If Armin's the one taking a shower first, then he leaves a little "I <3 U" on the mirror for her to find once he's done. Nevermind the fact that by the time she does find it (say she wakes up late and he's already left), it's all maybe mostly gone and runny around the edges, but she knows he left it there for her, and it makes her feel all warm inside.

What if Annie's the one taking the shower tho? In that case, she's brushing her teeth in front of the washbasin and the mirror, messy haired, sleepy eyed and lethargic. As she works the toothbrush between long yawns, she doodles a cat on the mirror that's steaming up from the hot water she's left running in the tub. Later on, Armin finds this cat when he comes in to shave, and he finds it to be the cutest thing ever. Maybe they name each cat she draws.

Who buys the other cheesy gifts

I have a hc that Annie's really awkward with gift-giving, so while this doesn't translate into "she doesn't pick good gifts", what it does mean is that her gifts are funny, bordering on cute-as-fuck.

Armin is good with gifts. He buys her things she needs, and throws in some flowers, some chocolate, maybe a plushie and a picnic date. He pays attention to what she likes, what she doesn't like, and this generally means Annie's going to get some of the best gifts ever, whether or not his planning and execution goes to shit because he's so nervous about everything being perfect.

So the one giving him cards with cliche quotes and a leather wallet that the seller tells her is a trendsetter with men, are some of the things Annie gets him. Cut the girl some slack. Her gifts don't suck, they're just cheesy. And he finds it so fucking cute how hard she tries.

Who initiated the first kiss

Armin. It's the pounding heartbeats in their chests, synchronizing. It's the static in the air, sparking and tingling. Her wide pale-blue eyes atop blushing cheeks, locked onto his own in baffled surprise, because he's just told her he loves her and she doesn't understand - why her? Why her, of all the other girls? But that's what his heart wants - her - and he's told her as much and all he can do is hope she feels the same.

But she does. She does, he can see it, right there in her eyes, when her gaze drops lower. She feels the same, he can see it, as her lips part, just a bit, ever so slightly he can almost touch her breath. Then she looks up again, searching his eyes.

He sees his chance, he takes it. Because who knows if there'll be another? He kisses her, long, and slow and sweet, until she's kissing him back with the same longing.

*Aherm* Okay, I got carried away. Basically he kisses her first, but the next time he loses his confidence and doesn't, and then because Annie's impatient as hell, she kisses him second.

Who kisses the other awake in the morning

Annie. I hc that she's the early bird while he struggles to wake up in the morning in general, so naturally being up first, she gives him a little peck on the nose or on the lips. Sometimes he's so deep asleep he doesn't stir at all. Sometimes he's half-awake and drags her closer for longer kisses, and the hope of sleeping in late with her. Sometimes she kisses him short and brief, when she's aching from dealing with something she doesn't like and hasn't told him about; other times they are fluttery, airy, open mouthed kisses, offering silent, sweet promises of love and happiness from between her lips.

Who starts tickle fights

Armin. He reaaaaaaaalllllyy likes teasing her. Whether that's because she's scowling to hide her embarrassment, or refusing to tell him what she's finding so funny in the magazine she's reading - he's always got his hands ready to grab her around the middle and invite her into a tickle fight. The thing though, is that Annie's laughter isn't because of his actions--she's NOT ticklish by any means--but because of the whole play-fighting itself. His laughter is infectious, and she can't help but follow with her own giggling until she's snorting at his stupid jokes and bright eyes.

Guess who's ACTUALLY ticklish? Him. Once she gains the upper hand and squirms away to straddle his hips, it's all game over.

So he may be the one starting the fights, but he's not the one winning them.

Who asks who if they can join the other in the shower

Annie. I just find it more in-character for her to blurt out that he's welcome to join her in the shower. Say they've just come back home after a long and tiring muddy hike, and they're so exhausted they might not have the energy to take showers after each other. It's a casual suggestion, quick and without much thought to it, when Annie says, "Join me then. It'll be quicker."

She might've said that, but once they're actually stripping in the bathroom and getting into the hot waters of the bathtub, Annie's the one burning to the tips of her ears. Doesn't help that Armin's lost all his initial embarrassment and inhibitions and is welcoming her to sit between his legs, pulling her back flush against his chest.

The rest belongs in a smut fic.

Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch

Annie. Armin forgets to eat, especially when he's drowning to his neck in documents piling up on his table at work. He's studying up for a meeting on his morning transit, signing off agendas and rescheduling appointments, making six dozen phone calls, holding talks with important people... ugh. He has barely any time to breathe, so his eating habits at work are basically non-existent. During such times when things are more hectic than usual, and it's often a familiar sight to find him coming home with a loosened tie and exhaustion on his face, Annie's the one heading to his workplace with lunch and coffee in her arms. She makes sure he eats, and also eats her own lunch with him, so he's kept company by the only person he can be his silly, goofy self around.

Who was nervous and shy on the first date

I'm inclined to say both, it's just that Armin would express it more openly than Annie would. What Armin would be fretting and worrying about is how perfectly the date is going, how smoothly his plans are working out, and so on. He'd be so bothered about every teeny tiny detail and Annie's enjoyment that he wouldn't really be able to relax and enjoy it himself.

Annie on the other hand, would be nervous and scared about disappointing him. It would warm her heart how he sweetly switches to her more exposed side as they're walking down the street, but it also worries her about how expressive she's being, or rather, how much she's lacking in that respect. Disappointing Armin is probably her biggest fear.

Who kills/takes out the spiders

Annie. Armin hesitates too much. He looks at the mama spider, looks at her eggs, looks at her babies, thinks of the consequences, thinks of their extended families and their ancestors, their futures, their pasts, their presents, and so on and so forth. It's been six hours and he's ignoring the spider in the bathroom because he's conflicted over killing them.

Annie would kill them (she doesn't like bugs), but because she knows it'll break his heart, she traps them in a special plastic cup she keeps for the spiders and lets them out somewhere far away.

Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunk

Armin. Even sober, he's always running to give her a big hug with a stupid wide smile on his face, going "Aaaanniiieeeee!!". The happiest golden retriever in the world. Now get that golden retriever drunk to his eyeballs and he won't fucking shut up about how beautiful she is, how big her heart is, how soft she is, how her eyes are like the sky and the sea and other fantastic imagery. He tells her he wants to marry her (even if they're already married), and how he wants to wake up to her presence everyday. In a crowd, it's fucking embarrassing for Annie. Secretly though? She loves it. Replays it in her head over and over again.

[c-is-for-circinate]

I would love to hear more mike wheeler - Steve Harrington masculinity thoughts (also whatever happened to Hopper to make him action guy my beloathed)! Also will we get a mike chapter for and they were married?

Okay yes! I am fascinated by Mike and Steve as narrative contrasts, and I always find myself looking for fic where the two of them meaningfully interact, and I keep meaning to write about them.

(Also: Mike deserves his own chapter of that fic, but he's getting folded into Dustin's. What Mike really deserves is his own fic that takes place in that universe, because I know what his deal is there and it's a doozy, but that is a very different post.)

Anyway! For starters, I don't think that Steve and Mike are intentionally meant to be foils. There's an element of it in the first season, where Steve exists to support Nancy's character, and Nancy and Mike are meant to be foils -- Steve is the Popular Kid, the antithesis of Mike and his friends' little group of nerds, he and Tommy and Carol are written into the same category as Troy but older and less actively murderous, and the fact that Nancy's dating him says things about her -- but they end up occupying oddly similar spaces and cool parallels come out of that anyway.

A core thing about it is that Steve and Mike are both the guy in their respective age group casts on the show. The Guy. The central one, the normal one, the presumed-to-be-straight one -- and yes, this is fandom and we have Opinions about that, but the Duffer brothers think they're both straight, and that matters here. They're white, they're able-bodied, they have money. They are, in a sense, normal.

Narratively, they very often act as central/POV character for scenes they're in, at least once Steve gets past the fistfight in S1 and awakens to the fact that he's a person who can make decisions. And that makes sense, because being The Guy also means they're the closest to the classic TV protagonist archetype, the guy who does the hero shit and gets the girl in the end. Hopper is also The Guy, and always has been: in S1 it's just him and Joyce, but even as we add more adults, the only real challenge to his The Guy status is Bob (which is of course why Bob had to die). Murray is a bizarre conspiracy nut, and queer-coded besides that. Owens is an affable bad guy. Alexei and Dmitri and Yuri are all Russian.

Being The Guy comes with a certain amount of baggage. All three of them have to be romantic leads, and have to be crossed in love about it. All three of them are protectors in one way or another. And all three of them are on occasion assholes who have one hell of a time with sincerity and affection.

And this is where we get into Toxic Masculinity, because again, while I don't think the Duffers intended a pile of parallels between these three guys, well. Firstly, The Guy as an archetype is built on a pile of toxic masculine stereotypes, so that's often there to begin with. Secondly, it's the same writers, so certain themes rhyme whether they're intended to or not.

In particular, one of the core tenets of toxic masculinity, not just in ST but as a thing in the world, is when and where it's acceptable to experience soft emotions of affection, care, and vulnerability. The first rule of toxic masculinity is don't. The second rule, the caveat rule, is a little asterisk saying 'except, occasionally, with a female romantic partner, if you absolutely must.'

And so we actually see a lot of unfolding of this in Steve! One thing we know about Steve, without precisely being told, is that he's deeply lonely -- for a popular kid he sure seems to only have two Actual Friends when the show starts and they hardly seem to even like each other. He has a new Favorite Person every season, and he clings to them with the joy of a devoted golden retriever. His mental image of happily-ever-after is a house full of kids with enough siblings to never get lonely, family vacations about close quarters and spending time together. We never see his parents. For all a lot of the 'horrible abuse' fanon is very much fanon, Steve is inarguably a lonely kid. And where do we see him reaching out for affection?

It's not Tommy and Carol, although until they break up he's constantly in their company unless he's alone with Nancy. They hardly even seem to like each other very much, and yet they've stayed at his empty house enough for Tommy to know about his mother's fireplace and Steve to insist he do laundry while he's here. No, the person who Steve is allowed to feel things with and for is Nancy, because she's the caveat, she's the exception. This is why Steve is consistently focused on getting Nancy back, getting a new girlfriend, getting a date. That's the rule!!!

The really fabulous thing about Steve's arc across the first three seasons, and even into S4, is that this quest for romantic affection and vulnerability is both thwarted and rewarded again and again. He tries to apologize to Nancy, to win her back: by the time he sees her again, Nancy's got a new boyfriend, but Steve has a new brother. Dustin is Steve's favorite person by the start of S3; he gets Steve's haircare secrets, he gets Steve's loyalty, he gets Steve's joy. In S3, Steve tries to pour his whole heart into a different girlfriend, and Robin turns him down flat while also simultaneously opening herself up with such vulnerability that they instantly become best friends. Robin is S4's Favorite Person, but the great thing about these relationships being platonic is that Steve gets to have more than one! He gets to have both Dustin and Robin in his life! He gets the other kids as part of the package! Bit by bit, instead of a girlfriend who Steve is "allowed" to be soft with, Steve gains actual friends who he gets to be real with whether it's allowed or not.

And the really tragic thing about Mike Wheeler is that he's doing the opposite. Mike starts out with three friends, three best friends, absolutely devoted to one another. As kids, they're young enough to be free of most of the stranglehold of toxic masculinity yet, although of course it's starting. And then there's El.

Mike charts a really interesting course over four seasons, and the shape of it is not a straight trajectory from 'Mike adores and is BFF with Will' to 'Mike thinks only about El.' Hell, from what we see of S1, the Party are all best friends pretty equally before Will goes missing -- Lucas is the one ready to break into a government lab for him, not Mike. Mike's trajectory is far more 'I derive the bulk of my personal self-worth from protecting other people, and as soon as somebody needs to be saved I go fully into Paladin Mode, making me feel worthwhile and important." It just so happens that the two people in Mike's field of vision who most generally need protection and saving are Will and El. Which leads to Mike's intense Will-focused devotion in S2 (El is gone but Will is also in really significant need, and Mike just straight-up activates, jumping immediately into solicitously taking care of his friend because Something Needs Doing And I Can Do It). And Mike's intense El-focused devotion in S4, where El needs a literal quest to come and rescue her. And just a lot of Mike in general.

The problem with all of that is the part where, unlike Steve who keeps forging new platonic relationships, Mike keeps neglecting his more and more. The S3 Will fight is so good at illustrating that, because look -- we all know Will has a crush on Mike, but at no point during that fight does Will ask, even subtextually, for romantic attention. He's asking for platonic attention, which Mike is absolutely failing to give. "Where's Dustin right now? You don't know, and you don't even care." But as Mike says, they're not kids any more -- and this is how growing up is supposed to work!

(Note: I don't want to say that it's toxic for Mike to be in love with El, or really caught up in that relationship -- he's fourteen! she's his first girlfriend! he thought she was dead! But Mike's an asshole in S3 because he's caught up enough to not notice his friend's feelings until they explode at him, and yeah, I do think part of that is because he knows he's Not Supposed To.)

S4 is a lot, because here's where we're really seeing the culmination of a lot of what Mike's been unfortunately moving towards. We've hit a point where those vulnerable feelings that Mike's allowed to share, at most, with his girlfriend, feel like too much to even share with his girlfriend. He can't say 'I love you'. He can't even talk to Will. The conversation he does have with Will is honestly mostly about Mike and his feelings of inadequacy, of not measuring up, not being special, but it has to be couched in the context of El. If there's a reverse-Bechdel test to be done on S4, past the very first episode I'm pretty sure Mike fails it -- I don't think he has a single conversation that isn't about his girlfriend in one capacity or another.

In contrast, S4 Steve is, yes, pretty focused on girls-in-general and Nancy-in-specific, and yeah, there's a little bit of backsliding going on there. But he's also having conversations with Robin about her fears and longings, having weird little interludes where Eddie's the one bringing up Nancy rather than Steve himself. He's hurt at the end when Nancy is clearly still with Jonathan, but he's able to move on, to go fold clothes and care about Robin's love life instead of his own -- his optimistic happy ending in S4 is that his best friend is going to get the girl, not him.

I think there's a lot more to say, which I only brushed on briefly here, about other aspects of Mike and Steve that work in parallel or contrast -- their protector thing, which feels very intrinsic but shows up very differently in both of them, the way Steve says 'I love you' so easily and Mike has trouble saying it at all, the way they are both very much extremely normal guys, at least on paper. There's so much to say. I think that has to be a different post.

I will say, in terms of Hopper: Jim Hopper is what it looks like when those pent-up feelings that you aren't allowed to express to anybody other than a romantic partner sit and fester for decades. Fuck, there were things about Vietnam he didn't even tell his wife, that sat like poison both emotional and biological between them. When we meet him in S1, he's processing grief with drugs and drinking and processing fear with rage. He has spent so much of the past four seasons processing fear as rage.

Of course Joyce is the one person he's allowed to, sometimes, on occasion, be soft with. Of course nearly his every interaction with Mike is macho dominance posturing. Of course the entire trajectory of his relationship with El is a push-pull of Hopper retreating into authoritarianism and anger instead of the terror of honesty, and then getting to see the consequences of that when his daughter pulls away. Every season has broken him down a little more that way, but then the yo-yo pulls back (Season 3 whyyyyyyyyy). By Season 4, he's been beaten and starved and frozen and shattered enough that we get maybe the most honest monologue of his life, to a Russian prison guard, because they're about to die so what do the rules matter any more. It's a clear window into an endless pit of self-loathing, because for twenty or thirty years Hopper's been letting those feelings eat in instead of out, and bit by bit they've been devouring him.

El is hope, for him, and Joyce is hope, and the cracks that broke open in Kamchatka to maybe let in a little more air that might not seal right back up again are hope. But it's hard. It's hard! It makes him an absolute asshole, including and especially towards the people he wants most to protect. (And there's that protector thing again.)

Anyway, I am on the record as liking Steve a lot and having very little patience for Mike and Hopper, but like. They're not that different, at their core. They just put the pieces together in a different order.

[apprenticestanheight]

I've seen some fics of these, but I'll never turn down a coffinshipping fic where Strahm has to patch up Hoffman from when Jill uses the Reverse Bear-Trap on him. It's just sweet to me that although they hate each other, they love each other or are rather obsessed with each other, and yet Strahm would stitch up Hoffman's face... even though Hoffman put Strahm through two deadly traps 😆

Cat and Mouse- Hoffstrahm

Hi!! I am so sorry that this took as long as it did--I swear I meant to do it but stuff gets buried really quickly in my inbox and my track record with object permanence is kind of terrible, which definitely applies to requests as a lot of the time they're left to sit until I work through a backlog.

HOWEVER, this is my second coffinshipping fic and in my saw rewatch I am barely halfway into the second movie so I apologize if their characterizations are at all off, I like to think I've nailed my characterization of Hoffman but I haven't written for Strahm very much so my characterization of him might not be perfect and the same goes for how I've written their interactions.

Fic type- this is some light angst

Warnings- mentions of canon-typical saw violence, murder, and this has been edited but not very well--be wary of spelling and grammatical errors, I wrote this while tired and edited it while also tired.

Peter should probably be putting a gun to Mark Hoffmans head, if he's being honest with himself. He should be holding a gun to Marks head and demanding a confession or some kind of acknowledgement of the crimes he'd committed under the Jigsaw alias, but he's not.

He's not because Mark showed up at his house and gestured to a very gruesome looking wound on the side of his face, and when Mark wordlessly asked Peter to stitch him up, before he could think through his response, Peter was agreeing and grabbing a towel and a first aid kit with a needle and thread inside while instructing Mark to sit on the couch.

And then he was wetting the towel with antiseptic to clean the wound, telling Mark he was getting what he deserved when he flinched away or shouted with his discomfort. And then he was actively helping a serial killer.

He recalls the words that Perez had told him once, just before he'd interviewed Jill Tuck that first time.

"You should be careful," she said. "Especially with mostly unsolved cases like this one, that work ethic of yours can turn into obsession real quick. Hatred for someone might as well be able to turn into obsession with the drop of a hat, Peter, so I'd watch myself. Make sure it wasn't an obsession before I kept on with the case."

At the time, Peter had scoffed at the notion. "I'm not becoming obsessed," he'd told her, even pairing it with a smirk, like a smirk could've been convincing. "And if I am, hatred and obsession will prove to be so dangerous a line to walk that I step away anyway. I know that much--I know when to step away from my work."

But, Peter supposes he should've known that he would know when to step away from his work in all aspects except for whichever one concerned Mark Hoffman, who he felt a deep disdain for and yet wanted to know everything about all at once.

Of course the line blurred whenever Mark looked at him, had been particularly blurry as he stitched up a wound caused by one of Hoffmans so-called enemies, Jill fucking Tuck herself.

"She put a trap on me," Mark explains as Peter finishes the stitches. "That fucking bitch put a goddamned trap on me, claiming it was Johns will and all that other shit."

"I really don't want specifics, Hoffman," Peter says dryly. "You put me into two deadly fucking traps, yeah? I don't need to hear about whichever woman you've made an enemy out of, even if I hate her as much as the next person."

Mark smiles at him. Peter doesn't know if he wants to punch him square in the lips or pull him into a kiss so intense it shocks the air out of their lungs.

"You do realize what I have to do if you let me leave this house not in handcuffs, yeah?"

Peter runs his tongue over his teeth, stands up from the crouching position he'd taken while stitching up Hoffmans wound.

"I do," he says. "You're going to go kill a relatively innocent woman because she followed what I am presuming to be the will of John fuckin' Kramer, who was her murderous ex husband who willingly put innocent people to death. Yeah, I think that's easy enough to follow, Hoffman."

Mark stands, grins at Peter.

"You realize that letting me go means the chase continues?"

Peter shrugs. "You'll slow down one of these days, Hoffman. You serial killers always do. When you do get slow I'll catch you and be the one to put your ass behind bars."

Mark looks to his feet, "I really do wish this could've been different," he says.

Peter forces himself to look at the brown color he'd chosen for his curtains.

"You have fifteen seconds to be down the street and turning the corner before I start chasing you and eventually arrest your ass," he says, feeling conflicted as he speaks.

The simple truth is that Mark Hoffman is a serial killer. The simple truth is the fact that Peter should be putting him into handcuffs and bringing him to the station while he declares the Jigsaw killer caught once and for all.

But, when has their relationship ever been simple, really? Peter cannot pinpoint a moment of simplicity from it's beginning.

So, when Mark nods, bolts out the front door, Peter lets him go. He falls into the couch with a monumentally tired sigh and presses his face into the palm of his hand. A few minutes pass, and he laughs to himself.

He and Mark are in a cat and mouse scenario, and while Peter hates it, he also knows that he wouldn't have it any other way.

[randomnameless]

The "i don't want to kill Edelgard" dialogue the game forces you to pick for Byleth in Verdant Wind is still one the funniest things in the game when you think about what that means in-universe; Byleth has had no issues killing people to get what they want all route-long, but the second Claude brings up killing the girl who started the war and is most at fault for everyone that died because of it, including her own soldiers, they say they don't want to, presumably just because they had such a deep bond with her during their time at Garreg Mach (even though it's perfectly possible to have Byleth spend all their time there never interacting with Edelgard once).

It's shit like that that makes me understand where the same-crest attraction people come from; that forced dialogue choice is at least understandable in Silver Snow, where Byleth is forced to teach Edelgard for a while and would have logicaly formed a bond with her because of that, but the only way that line makes any sense in VW is to assume that their crests made them feel a deeply-heightened and accelerated sense of attraction to each other, to the point that the few short and irrelevant interactions they had in their short time together at GM was enough for them to form a deep bond.

Anon,

If same crust attraction was a thing, do you really thing Billy would angst about Supreme Leader in VW, when Nemesis himself pops up at the end of the route???

I mean, between Supreme Leader and Nemesis, who are you going to simp for if you never talked to any of them, and both are leading a faction to destroy you and your allies?

Supreme Leader, or Nemesis??

All jokes aside,

There's, sadly, no Watsonian explanation for the very Doylist "but she lufs u!!! feel sad about her!!!" approach the devs wanted to hamfist in their game : Billy will feel bad for killing Supreme Leader, even if it doesn't make any sense for them to do so because that is why the devs designed FE16 to be : a story where the player will feel bad about killing the red emperor.

(or at least the player avatar, because damn if this completely missed the mark regarding some players lol)

Just like you feel super BaD for icing Randolph and Ferdie who still works with the Empire, fighting side by side with a Demonic Beast - when the game doesn't expect you to feel a thing when you kill the poor sod who was turned into a monster because the Imperial Army needs War Assets.

that's why some people really felt a bit disturbed by all this Supreme Pandering coming out of nowhere - same with Rhea in VW since her supports are optional, so if Billy is really a player avatar, why should they care about Rhea?

(granted, I'd say even if you only do the strict minimum, Billy still wants to help Rhea in the cinematic before falling in a ravine, so at least there's this sign that Billy cares about her - sure, Billy protected and saved Supreme Leader against Kostas, but after the Flamey reveal, we don't have anything to even remotely indicate Billy still cares specially about Supreme Leader : Billy's avatar status is the reason why they're written to care about Supreme Leader, and yet, Billy's character status explain why they care about Rhea - again, another example of the devs wanting to have their cake and eat it too!)

[maya-matlin]

since we're apparently among the only three people here who don't dislike Zaya...1. why do you think people have more trouble forgiving Zaya for their flaws when basically EVERY Degrassi ship is messy, flawed and complicated?! (Not judging anyone - we all like what we like, and things resonate with us for different reasons, I just find it interesting that people think Zaya is too toxic to forgive while some other Degrassi couples are objective just as messy and even more so) 2. Three Zaya scenes you love that show you they're meant to be? 3. Any songs you associate with Zaya? 4. Name three things Maya and Zig have in common and three differences they have that balance each other out! 5. Want to start a Zaya Appreciation Society with me? We can all share ice cream ;)

There are actually a solid amount of devoted Zaya fans. They're just harder to find. There's a reason I stick with Tumblr. Other places intimidate me and aren't worth the drama.

1.) Personal preference? Other than that, the existence of Campbell Saunders. Just as Zaya's potential romance was picking up steam and forming the foundation for their eventual relationship, Cam killed himself. Zig was the last person to speak to Cam. Regardless of Zig's intent or that during all of their interactions, Cam was the aggressor and the one who initiated all of their conflicts, the only thing the majority of Degrassi fans remember is that Zig pushed Cam over the edge. It never sat right with many viewers that Zig wasn't held more accountable for Cam's death or that Maya was so blasé about Zig's "confession". The writers' intent was clearly to send the message that no one is responsible for a suicide or anyone else's actions. But at the same time, you should still be mindful of others because you never know what's going on in someone else's head. Plus, I don't think Zig's character took quite the trajectory that some fans were expecting. He was supposed to have "learned" from Cam's death, meaning there was an expectation that he'd come away from the experience wiser with an acute awareness of how to navigate situations like this. It turns out, that never really happened. Zig tried his best and meant well, but he continued to be careless with words and was often in over his head. Zig also went on to feud with Maya's next boyfriend, Miles, where he was much more combative and kind of a shit starter. Miles was written with more care than Zig and quickly became the preferred character out of the two starting with season 14 and Next Class. So retroactively, Zig = bad, Miles = good. And lastly, a lot of people can't overlook cheating, even in fiction. While I take the stance that while I hate it, fictional cheating happening in teen dramas is highly likely, others felt too betrayed to continue supporting their relationship. Just overall, different people come away with different interpretations of characters and couples. In my opinion, Miles was far and away Maya's worst love interest and could have never made her happy in the long run even if they were both in heathier mindsets. Comparatively, I think Zig complemented Maya very well, offered constant emotional support and more often than not communicated well with her. Maya never seemed to be as happy with any guy as she was him once they were finally together. Others will tell you Miles was a great boyfriend, most of the things I just listed, and that Zig was a mediocre love interest.

2.) That's super tough to narrow down. I feel like I'm doing this wrong, but..

(1) Zig comforting Maya after Miles screams at her, reassuring her that he knows that she means well

It's the softness for me. It's how after the confusion with the season 13 love triangle and Zig being resistant to Maya's help, he gets it. He's here when she needs him the most. It's funny how for some, Maya and Zig getting together in the second half of season 14 came totally out of nowhere. But even though I didn't expect it when the season was airing, looking back it's very easy to see what was developing and how they were getting closer and closer each episode. Even though the Maya/Miles relationship lingered and Zig could have potentially gotten together with Zoe, those romances didn't pan out. To me, this is when their season 14 arc officially begins.

(2) Zig and Maya making up backstage

Yes, they were fighting and Maya was frustrated with Zig for trying to handle the gang on his own rather than turning Vince in, but he realized on his own (with the help of Damon) what needed to happen. We didn't see the full scene, but Zig clearly apologizes for their earlier conflict and for not initially going to the police. Maya is so forgiving and so prepared to forget the whole thing happened. Like she said. "You're here. We're together." That's literally all that mattered to her. No matter what happened, she was going to stick with Zig. No one can convince me that Maya Matlin wasn't equally and 100% as in love with Zig as he was her.

(3) Zig trying to cheer Maya up

Post bus crash, Maya was in the darkest place she'd ever been in. She was slowly losing all of her personal connections. At this point, it would be difficult to say Zig and Maya were even friends anymore. Their relationship ended in a very painful way with Maya still angry with Zig even months later. They both almost died. Zig entered a very public relationship with Esme. While they had occasional moments where they interacted that reinforced their connection, (in 302 when Zig asked Maya for advice about Esme), overall Zig wasn't part of Maya's life and therefore missed a lot of her warning signs. But, he did notice her on the verge of breaking down in the hallway and instantly knew something was wrong even if he couldn't have imagined the extent of it. So, Zig basically gently forces Maya to open up to him about what's going on. He knows she's struggling with something and isn't happy anymore, so he decides to cheer her up. This is Maya's first genuine smile the entire season. Every other time, she's either faking it or indulging in darker interests that only serve to trigger her more. And Maya clearly feels all the feelings in that moment. Yes, it's easier with Zig and he reminds her of happier times, but it's also very obvious how much she's still in love with him. This isn't technically part of the scene, but in the next episode Maya makes it a point to ask Esme to take care of Zig for her. The only other person we see Maya explicitly request be taken care of after she's gone is her mother. So, it says a lot about the depth of Maya's love for Zig and how much it would mean to her for him to be taken care of after she's gone. Anyways. Zig makes Maya happy and instinctively understands her.

4.) Ugh, I'm the worst at song questions.

It Might Be Love - Latch Key Kid (played during the first time they went to The Dot)

Oh My Love - Layla (played when Maya kisses Zig in season 14, kickstarting their relationship)

The Words You Say - Harrison Storm (played at the end of #YesMeansYes)

Lover - Taylor Swift (I know I'm basic, but it's their song)

5.) Three things Zig and Maya have in common.. they're both loyal, protective people and never afraid to fight for what's right, particularly when it affects someone they care about. I'll count that as two. It's honestly tough to find similarities, as weird as that sounds. They just match each other's energy and tend to be on the same wavelength. I'll say they're both pretty laidback. In spite of the fact they find themselves pulled into drama (especially poor Maya), they typically don't go out of their way to create it. Sometimes certain rivals will bring out that side of them, but overall they're chill people.

As for the differences that balance each other out.. Zig is the more sensitive one. He has a way of being quietly supportive and intuiting things while Maya internalizes a lot of her emotions. She's so desperate for nothing to go wrong that she almost avoids reality. I honestly think Zig grounds her a bit and forces her to be honest with herself. While both have good hearts, Maya is more compassionate and quicker to forgive. Even though it would sometimes be easier to lash out and the people wronging her would 1000% deserve it, Maya avoids conflict for the most part. Zig has never met a physical conflict he didn't want to throw against his locker. He means well, but he struggles with his anger from time to time and can't help but want to defend. Sometimes he's defending himself, other times he's defending the people he cares about. Maya provides a calming influence and encourages Zig to find better, healthier ways to handle his problems. This is so hard LOL. I feel like that's it? Who Maya is and who Zig is and how they interact with each other makes them an unusually good match. This is awful. I apologize.

5.) Absolutely!

[matan4il]

Why I will never give up on Canon Buddie..... Listen I am just a little straight girl who grew up on romance novels. You want Eddie with a women. Well, I mean Vanessa was perfect if you were a writer.

One dare I say she was a better version of Anna and 2 with a little manipulation she could be the girl version of Buck. I mean no one ever could, so don't come for me with pitchforks I just meant in general. She was beautiful, fun, a little heartbroken and didn't add stress to Eddie. Telling the story?? So easy it's a tale as old as time. She shares his culture so let's fake date to throw our tias off. Become friends. Maybe meet Chris. Maybe hesitate to do more because she's jaded and worried it won't work out and how will that effect Chris. Like I have seriously read this story a million times yet the writers never pull the trigger.

My second thing. Again I am a moderately attractive straight single girl. It is not that hard for me to find a relationship. I can throw a rock and find companionship you know?? No disservice to us straights it's just facts. So the fact that the writers intentionally get this wrong while being so loud about the couch screams volumes to me. Especially when you couple it with the fact these 2 do not wing man for each other, talk about sex lives and only refer to the significant other to tell them to dump them. That is the loudest part about their living in each other's back pocket BFF forever relationship. I mean Eddie couldn't even process Buck taking care of himself.

In conclusion 911 if you want me to stop shipping them this all on you. I mean I will never stop. But you could at least try!!

Awww, Nonnie! :D Welcome to the hopeless romantics club! We got comfy cushions for you, as well as cookies. ;)

Regarding Vanessa, yeah. I have seen plenty of rom coms that start off with the exactly interaction she and Eddie had. He's not ready, she's not ready, they come to the date with the intent to let each other down easy, and when they realize they were never an option for the other person, it intrigues them. It could have easily developed in the direction of "instead of going through this repeatedly, how about we fake date to get our Tias off our cases?" and slowly falling for each other. TBH, I wouldn't have been surprised if that's what 911 would go with, since so many shows would. I'm glad it didn't, that the point really was to help Eddie progress on his romantic journey rather than set him up with yet another LI.

I agree with you! I already thought it was eyebrow raising when 911 let Buddie be single throughout the entirety of s3 and a respectable chunk of 4a. Now in s6, they're both once again very single. And we're talking young, good looking, heroic firefighters. It should not be hard for them to find romance, yet out of almost 5 seasons of them being on the show together, roughly 2.5 they spend with both of them being single men. When they're the only single members of the main cast! That is VERY unusual, it's not the route most TV shows would take with their only single characters, you know? That Buck and Eddie are directly responsible for this state of double singleness a part of the time just makes it all more hilarious. XD

I've said it before, I will always ship Buddie. Which means as long as the show is on air and both of their characters are alive, I will hope for canon Buddie. But even if that doesn't happen, Buddie is canon to me. The show has written and filmed their epic love story, and I can't unsee that no matter what. In my head, it will always be just a matter of time before these two morons figure it out.

Thank you so much for this ask, lovely! Have a wonderful day. As always, my ask tag. xoxox

[leprosycock]

If I’m trying to dip my toes into writing jlud fics, is there anything you think should be highlighted in their dynamic, I’ve never written real people before, so I’m worried they may come off as OOC

i think having a history of writing rpf in general does help you portray real people a little better, but even if you've only written fic based on movies or tv, then you really just have to study and think about the way real people talk. none of it is carefully orchestrated or prewritten or flowery or anything like that. real people use lots of filler words and phrases like "uh", "ah", "um", "like", "yeah", "i mean", "you know", so on and so forth. they stutter. they fumble. j stutters a lot, usually because he talks very quickly and his mouth can't keep up with his brain and he short-circuits when he's placed into unfamiliar situations.

a lot of people make the mistake that lud is inherently domineering and suave and super alpha and he always knows what he's doing, which isn't true. he's able to fake confidence VERY well and he tries to make up a lot of his personality so he can mask his vulnerability and sell himself as a product to others, but he's easily broken through because he wants SO badly to be loved and praised and coddled. at the same time, he also has the capacity to be very cruel and snide and shitty on purpose and he doesn't really care about hurting people's feelings. all of these spawn from him being a miserable, unstable, spoiled manchild. he's very mean to jrma in between glorifying him, constantly diving between these two extremes depending on his mood and what his current perception of jrma is. he acts out and expects everyone to put up with it and doesn't care when people don't. j usually puts up with it no matter what because he hates himself and needs so badly to stay in lud's good graces. unless he sees lud being mean to somebody else. then he'll scold him for it.

they absolutely and thoroughly adore each other and they've been following each other's exploits closely for years. lud has been watching jrma ever since he was at asu and jrma has been watching lud from a similar timeframe. the first time j ever shouted him out and thanked him for raids was all the way back in 2018. they're VERY familiar with each other from a voyeuristic standpoint; j listens to the yard and watches a fuckton of his streams and lud regularly looks up and watches jrma clips along with a bunch of his streams too. they both look up to each other so much. lud looks up to j because he sees him as a mentor, an artist, and a father/teacher figure, and j looks up to lud because he also sees him as an artist and so fucking cool and slick and handsome and he's awed by and jealous of the success he's achieved at such a young age. they both want very, very badly to be liked by each other but their own mental blocks that they have put in place makes it so that they can't see how crazy the other one is about them. j because he can't stand himself, and lud because he's constantly playing 4d chess with everyone in his life.

j is VERY needy, physically and emotionally, when they interact with each other in real life. he doesn't feel the need to interact with others or make more friends. he wants lud to be around him and talk to him and hype him up. and once they do find each other again, they talk easily and comfortably for ages and ages because they have a ton in common. they both seem to ignore the strange obstacles that both of them tend to throw up around each other because it's so much easier to be the best of friends than it is to talk about their feelings at all. they don't admit things to each other. they don't talk about things deeper. they just exist in each other's vicinities and grab at each other and try to steal pieces for themselves.

all in all, watch their streams and see how their relationship has developed over time and listen well. some key streams to watch are the replacement stream, bro v bro, name your price, juiced, beerio kart, and risk, because they're all wildly different and they all uniquely showcase aspects of their relationship that you can pull from.

[fuck-customers]

The new(ish) SM has been continuously doing shady shit since day 1, such as, but not limited to: removing all posters/printouts/etc from the breakroom that have information about HR or other useful information as well as the store copy of the handbook, firing people who have been at the store for multiple years for no reason, etc.

But now she's foing some new shit and it's one of those things that's DEFINITELY shady, but possibly not TECHNICALLY against the rules.

So, when an employee calls out for their shift, all that USUALLY happens is the MOD says ok, hangs up the phone and gets coverage for that shift. That's always been the end of that interaction. No follow up for the employee. (maybe a caring manager might ask if employee is feeling better if they were sick) Once the employee notifies a manager that they're not coming in, that's the end of their responsibility.

NOW the manager has passive-aggressively filled out time off request forms for all employees who've called out the past few weeks and tacked them to the wall of the breakroom and written each employee's first name in very large print over the form in highlighter, as well as highlighting a section for the employee to sign. Just passive-aggressively publicly shaming them. She has not verbally said anything to these employees (I've asked) nor has there been any notice of policy change. Guess we're just supposed to connect the dots.

In the 3+ years that I've worked there, we've NEVER had to sign anything when calling out for a shift. I don't know exactly what shady game she's trying to play right now, but I want no part of it.

[thesoftboiledegg]

I just rewatched "Bethic Twinstinct." I don't know if my other gay/lesbian peeps can relate, but I can't connect to opposite-sex couples in media. Even if it's well written, I just...can't do it. I watch other Rick and Morty episodes with opposite-sex couples that are supposed to make me emotional, and I feel nothing. I don't care what happens, and I don't care if they stay together or split up. Rick was married once? Cool, I guess.

This episode is great because I actually care about Beth and Space Beth's relationship. I'm not just passively watching, waiting for it to be over. I love watching them flirt and fall for each other. The selfcest thing is a liiittle odd (I'm not against it, but it made it harder for me to get into it), but I still loved watching the romance between two women unfold on screen.

The show also does a great job of handling it respectfully. They're never sexualized or portrayed as "two hot mamas getting it on" or some other bullshit. Their interactions and disagreements are well-written and compelling.

I agree with Space Beth that Beth needs to just leave Jerry already. I literally don't get what she sees in him. I also think it'd be better for Jerry--he could probably use a fresh start.

Originally, I wasn't a huge fan of the ending because it came across as a little "haha jerry has two hot babes to fool around with", but thinking about it now, I guess you could see it as a polyamorous relationship? Which you don't see on TV every day.

I also liked how Space Beth left in the end, but they were on good terms and could possibly resume their relationship. No tragic gay angst where a queer character storms off in tears and you never see her again.

Anyway, I hope the show has more same-sex relationships in the future because man...I just do NOT give a shit about opposite-sex romance. Also, representation is important. We all know that everyone's bi/pan in this universe.

[oopsallshane]

More to discuss! (Part 1) Marnie!! And more specifically, how much I fucking despise Shane's Heart Events!! I will be blunt and say, I do not like how Marnie is written. I feel like her character is all over the place, she really is just treated like some background character. Which would be fine if they didn't also imply her entire personality is just being a woman Lewis blatantly uses and disrespects. Once again, people can have their own understanding and comprehension of Marnie - you can have your own interpretation of her and Shane's relationship and yada yada. I don't really care; I get my mind doesn't work the same as yours. Disclaimer is disclaimer. Same with if you like the drama that ensues when it comes to Shane's heart events, if you're entertained by them that is you. But I think they're very shittily written and blatantly disrespect and disregard his attributes. To each their own. However, My issue with her likes within the vagueness of what her and Shane's relationship is.

Because Marnie is coded to be this very friendly face, her design depicts her as always smiling and cheerful - she is very empathetic towards animals, and she is welcoming of Shane and Jas into her ranch. She is also a bit naive and a bit of a pushover, when it comes to her relationship with Lewis. Clearly, she is a woman going through some things of her own. But she is choppy. Other than being a simple NPC you can interact with via shopping at her ranch, and also her side plot with Lewis, I myself have failed to see any other smidge of her personality. And the impression I get of her is in the heart events with Shane... and they are not good impressions. The first of Shane's heart events where Marnie is featured is at 4 Hearts - where she finds Shane passed out and clearly intoxicated within his room. This is where I blame the writing rather than her - but her reaction is very... stale. She comes in and is mildly uncomfortable before dragging you into the situation. Now, I am not knocking the idea of people accidentally budding into business that is not theirs - events like these have happened in front of me in my lifetime and it is always awkward. Plus, you're the main character anyway - but some events happen without you being present (one with Shane as well??) though that's not fully the mark I'm trying to hit at the moment. Why I knock the writing for this scene is because it just doesn't make any sense, and Mechanics Vs Storytelling start headbutting... Because as she's confronting Shane, she says something along the lines of: "All you ever do is sit in your room and drink." Which is... not true? Visually, Shane is actually never home unless it's on the weekends. Shane is constantly working, that's sort of the point of why he's spiraled into this mess (among other things that aren't touched on that nudge his depression, like the loss of his best friends who were Jas' parents that he never truly touches on.) And when he does drink, he's always seen drinking at the Saloon specifically - or outside, as seen in his first heart event you get with him. But that's just the point of looking at it more literally again. Mechanically, Shane is never at home. But the story is trying to convince me that Shane is a drunken slob at home at all hours. Story wise, I'm supposed to just embrace that as a thing that we just don't see. It's a narrative that you're not supposed to think too deeply about and just take it at face value. But I am... autistic-- So, it rubbed me the wrong way hearing her say this. She could have clarified that she meant whenever he is home, this is what she catches him doing. She could have rephrased herself a lot of different ways, but the specific line implying "this is all you ever do." is a complicated one. That's more so the writing rather than her, as said. She goes on to prod him about his issues as she can clearly see Jas is coming into the room. Once again, this is a realistic event - children coming in to overhear things they really should not have. I can't really complain about this part, as heart breaking as it is, it is a real thing that can happen and has also happened to us. Not pretty.

But the focus is on how much Shane fucks up in this moment.

Because everyone knows Shane goes on to imply, he is off the deep end when it comes to his depression. That he can no longer see a future for himself and heavily states in a sloshed way that he just doesn't want to live for much longer anyway.

His back is turned, and he has no idea Jas is here - but Marnie does. As Jas is... literally standing next to her.

While I don't think Shane should have said something like that - he literally had no idea Jas was there. And was airing things out thinking we were all in solitude. And it's not really his fault, he was being confronted on the spot and also... drunk. And depressed. He's not going to say pleasant things during the confrontation.

Again, the focus is on how much Shane has messed up and it's saddening. He's clearly upset by this and regretful, and Shane being the focus of a scene where it's literally his event isn't what bothers me.

It's the fact Marnie could have also handled things differently.

But my beef is not with this heart event, this one was a mild irritation.

[mountainashfae]

OOooh how about 8 and 11 for Aurien and Orion?

8. Does your OC have any notable flaws or activities they're not good at? Why did you give them those flaws? Why do they exist in-universe?

Aurien

I don't know if it's very obvious from an outside perspective but they're bad at commitment. It wasn't really a conscious choice on my part so much as a natural development. Despite the fact that they're trying so hard to get the attention of any of the gods, they keep switching them up when they feel like it's a lost cause. The Shelyn period only lasted about 38 years. The Desna period was longest at 68. The Sarenrae period was only 26, then Besmara didn't last a year, Cayden Cailean got interrupted after 6. They're so desperate they keep trying but somewhere they're lacking the faith that it will work.

Orion

Orion is terrible at a lot of things because they never bothered to learn. But their biggest flaw is definitely their over-confidence and their god complex. Like, of course it is. It's why they're so socially inept, it's part of why their empathy is nonexistent, it's why they barely can care for themself. They can't comprehend that things wouldn't be taken care of for them. That they could even fail. It's fascinating. There's so much wrong with them. And yet SOMEHOW they live like this and make it to godhood. Honestly the god-complex came about as an inverse to Aurien. Aurien ran from their upbringing, while Orion internalized it way too hard.

A fair number of basic traits between the twins are specifically inverse of each other, and then I see how they develop from there.

11. What is your least favorite trait regarding your OC?

Aurien

They're so secretive that it's hard to actually get them to open up to others!!! I'm not sure if I've ever actually written something where Aurien chose to reveal their own secret, with the exception of sharing it with Ember. Sometimes I don't want Aurien's secret to have to be dragged out of them kicking and screaming but I've yet to figure out a scenario where it comes out naturally!!! The closest is maybe in Hunter the Vigil, where a small portion of their secret in that game was revealed by an outside force. The rest of the cell chose not to pry, but later they did open up about it themself. To one cell member. In exchange for asking about his past. It's progress I guess. Once that first crack in their shell has been made it's pretty easy to get in there and have them open up but I'd like to find a way that they'd open up by choice!!!!!!!!

Wait that wasn't even the trait I meant to write for this section. The actual trait is that they accidentally ended up with an interpretation of my own mental illness. How dare you.

Orion

Honestly? They're impossible to get to interact with anyone in any meaningful capacity unless it's Aurien. They just don't care. It can work for something that's revolving around their dynamic with Aurien but like??? Trying to put them into anything else on their own??? Good fucking luck. Not even the Wrath run will be Orion on their own, Aurien will be there. In the hypothetical Kingmaker writing where they and Mab visit the Stolen Lands, the only interactions they have with Vio primarily revolve around Aurien. They're so single-minded that it's insane. What am I going to do with you.

[ Meta OC Questions ]

[undead-potatoes]

So! Tell me about Aurora! Did they have a life before the Urge came calling? How has their journey been through the game? Are they romancing anybody or do they have any other significant bonds?

I hope you don't mind, but I decided to split this into two posts. You asked about her journey through the game, and suddenly I had written 1400 words that didn't fit with the rest. So uuh yeah, here's the first and the last question at least!

I'm still a little unsure about her life before the Urge. There's the few "canon" things we're given through bits of dialogue (like murdering their parents as a child), but I honestly don't tend to get too caught up in canon if I want to do something different.

She had a lot of nightmares as a child (thanks dad), and it made her a very skittish and nervous child. In combination with minor Urges which made her say and sometimes do off-putting shit, I imagine she wasn't exactly a social butterfly. Like once she probably bit someone when the Urge overtook her, but bc they were baby urges and she was like 6-years-old it didn't really do much but alienate her.

But I think she was otherwise a good kid, doing her best and loved by her adoptive parents, even if they probably worried about her a lot.

I kinda like the idea of her being slightly older, someone who briefly escaped her heritage due to Bhaal's death before he returned in full, and the Urge became too strong to ignore. To have the Urge hovering around in the background her entire life, but always being able to repress it, until she suddenly couldn't.

Idk there's just something to the tragedy of being so close to escaping your predestined fate, when in reality it was always going to end like that, on way or another. You never truly escaped anything, you simply just delayed the inevitable.

She could still have murdered her family, still living with her adoptive parents and possible siblings, or maybe she had her own family by then. Either way, Bhaal would have wanted them out of the way.

The Urge building and building, sending her flip-flopping between moments of bloodlust and lucidity filled with fear, until the Urge took her away completely.

(Would the Urge even work like that for any of this? Who cares, just gonna do as Larian does, my city now).

TL;DR: I don't even know, it's still stewing in there.

- - -

Though I've watched like every Durge related video on YouTube, I haven't actually played very far in Aurora's playthrough, mostly bc I'm waiting for Larian to stop breaking the game with every new patch 🙈

Meaning I haven't actually had a lot of time with her interacting with the companions and gotten a good feel for where they're at.

Wyll and Shadowheart are possible candidates for some at least surface level boding. Like Wyll's whole "self sacrifice for the good of others" thing, and with Shadowheart they both have been brainwashed and forced into cruelty in service of an evil god.

And Karlach bc I love her and I said so.

Maybe some more interesting dynamics will pop up once I really get in there with her 🤔 (Larian fix your shit already, I want to plaaay)

There's also Jay who's already wrangling every other companion and their problems, so I'm sure he'll have some fingers in her pies too eventually (it's what he does, after all).

-

The only solid relationship to have formed in my head as of yet is her romance, and bc I'm as original as a pair of earbuds from AliExpress, she eventually starts a thing with Astarion.

He initially sees her as an easy target, a shy and possibly meek person quite literally removed from the others at camp (a deliberate choice on her part), but it doesn't go quite as he had planned.

I've written a whole post about it that's hanging out in my drafts, but tl;dr: he tries to bite her, but she wakes and angrily sends him away. She later comes to him one night, panicked after the Murder At Camp™, and he (begrudgingly) agrees to help her with the body. This begins this weird partnership where they keep each other's secret, and she lets him drink from her as thanks for helping her.

Their relationship is a bit rocky at first, like they don't hate each other or anything, but there's a fair share of bickering and such. She can be a bit blunt, and is too impatient and exhausted from the urge to deal with his very obvious mind games, tiredly telling him "stop trying to seduce me, you already have what you came for".

When he offers to sleep with her at the party, she thinks "why not". They're already putting each other at risk, so might as well have some fun with it. He might have tried to bed her sooner if she hadn't been so blunt and unapproachable, but it did also give him some time to rethink his strategy. Based on finds with the freecam during his party sex scene, he has set up a lil spot on a blanket, with wine and maybe some food, in an attempt to seem more genuine, which admittedly she does find a little cute.

Ultimately it's all the bits in between, the quiet moments after feeding or sex that gives them an excuse to talk, and they realize they enjoy each other's company a lot more than they first thought. She vibes with him a lot more when he's being genuine, something she sees more of when he's fed and generally less guarded.

She've kept her distance from the others bc of the urge, in fear of either harming someone, or being discovered through the tadpoles somehow. It puts her on edge constantly, but Astarion already knows, and she knows he doesn't judge her for it, so she's more at ease too.

Aurora can become ride or die pretty fast, especially in combination with other intense personality traits (hello devotion), and I think maybe Astarion picks up on that and thinks he can use that to his advantage. At least until he too accidentally catches feelings and becomes pretty ride or die himself lmao. Great job idiot.

Which is also when her more self sacrificing nature goes from something that could be to his advantage, to something that actively upsets him. Stop it! Stop sacrificing yourself for others who probably don't even deserve it! Stop putting yourself in situations that could take you away from me for no good reason.

They're note super lovey-dovey either. Like sure there's romance and tenderness there, but there's also some clash of personalities ("stop being an asshole" "stop trying to be such a bloody hero"). Nothing too bad but there's definitively something for them to work on.

This became the Aurora and Astarion post, sorry about that (not really). I hope to have some better answers to these in the future, my brain is still cooking (unfortunately it's a slowcooker).

[hegrowth]

every once in awhile this comes up and I'm like. in a weird place of talking about it because I don't want sympathy, I literally just want people to know.

tw for suicide mention, bullying and harassment

I started roleplaying when I was in middle school, and in high school I started getting harassed by a person in the rpc. they bullied me, harassed me, got their friends to harass me. they stalked me across multiple blogs, talked shit about me openly on the dash, and in general were happy to tell lies about things I was doing or had said. I did not know this person. I don't recall having ever actually spoken to or written with them. and my apparent offense to them was "misinformation", in that I was writing a muse with dissociative identity disorder, which they were adamant I was misrepresenting because it was supposed to be identified as multiple personality disorder. both they and their friends sent me hate, both on and off anon, and told me to unalive myself multiple times over this. I eventually did attempt to do so. I never received apologies from them or their minions, but was later told I was not the first nor the last person in the rpc they had done this to. to this day I do not remember the names or urls of those that bullied me, but I will always remember the name of the individual that was responsible for all the hurt I experienced.

so yeah. that's why I don't do callouts. that's why I ask for proof when people make claims about other people. and granted, I don't have any now to support this story, but I'm not trying to villainize this person. I don't know if they're still in the rpc, still on tumblr. if we may have crossed path since then. I don't really care. the point is I don't send hate. I don't vague blog about people. I don't reblog petty callouts. I don't take peoples word blindly even if I trust and care about them. I don't pick sides without knowing what's going on with each side. I refuse to perpetuate the shitty behaviors that enabled what happened to me, that's the facts. and if that makes you upset then my blog is not the space for you. and don't you ever accuse me of things I have experienced myself and would never wish on another person.

honestly, my memory is so fucked these days talking about it is like... it's a whole life away. it's been almost ten years, at least. I was really young then. I was really impressionable. I had just moved and was lonely in high school. what happened to me fucked me up and impacted how I have lived since then. and it's impacted how I have behaved in and interacted with the online space, tumblr especially.

so yeah. there's puffins tragic backstory unlocked. if you have questions I'll do my best to answer them, but honestly my memory is shot. I don't know if my blogs from back then still exist, or if I can even remember the urls... I've honestly blocked that period of my time in the tumblr rpc out of my memory lmao but I can try to look.