#Brevity is the soul of wit and I am unfortunately witless

[mushr00mfriend]

Hello!!!!

I just wanted to come on here and say that I love Delirium and your writing!!! It's so amazing how you managed to write such a rich and complex story without having it shoved down your throats or just underperforming. There are many things I loved about Delirium that I could go on and on about but I'm just going to settle on two things.

One is how I loved how Crow was written. Idk how to explain but I love anyone can imagine themselves in it. They are very ambiguous to the point where you can imagine what they would wear and not have to worry about if you can see yourself in them. A little rant incoming, but I've never liked how many authors always had a set image of their mc/reader in mind. This is different if regards their personality (we can't a boring mc can we?) but this is about how the author writes what the mc puts on or describes certain aspects of their body (hair or body) and this always set me off from most stories. Im sure this is such a small thing to get peeved over, but there many people that aren't included in that image of an mc an author has. When I reading Delirium, I was surprised on how Crow's appearance was never really described unless it was clarify wounds or things that happened to them. It's also amazing how Crow still has personality and yet is able to be imagined as anyone! Honestly, thank you for writing Crow/mc so ambiguously, ik this probably something stupid to thank you for but I'll thank you a thousand times for this.

Next would be how you wrote the relationships between the proxies and shades (I'm not if that's the right word) and overall the occupants of the mansion. It's very unique and interesting how you decided to write them actually caring and having fun with each other. A majority of the creepypasta fics I've read mostly involve all the proxies and others absolutely despising each other. Seeing each other as coworkers and nuisances. While I'll admit there are many fics out there that execute this perfectly, it's honestly boring and overused to see the proxies hate each other and yet live in the same house which honestly never made sense to me. Reading how the trio and others look out for each other, viewing them as friends and even family is honestly so astonishing. You managed to write the Slender Mansion trope that was loved for it comedy and crack and turned it into something that was still on crack but had the serious element that comes with serial killers working for an eldritch being so perfectly. It's also crazy how you wrote the characters as well. I mean the main trio in most fics would be written to hate each other and have that "I hate my coworkers but we have funny banter once in awhile". It's funny but I think prefer your version of the trio. In reality, they're just a bunch a mentally ill men who find solace and peace with each other. While they do banter, it's more light-hearted and teasing. How they're written with others is also amazing. The scene with Ben was pure comedy to me. Usually they argue and tell the other to fuck off but seeing how they interacted with him was so cool. I adore how you wrote the proxies and others together and I cannot wait for more.

I literally cannot for Delusion to come out. It's been on my mind for so long I'm pretty its evolved itself into my brain. I do have some questions regarding the story but please don't worry if you can't or won't!

1.) Are the Acts going to focus on something specifically? Is there a clear plot going on? An example could be like Act 1 focusing on Crow adjusting to their new life and then Act 2 being their victims or something else. I'm sorry if this was worded weirdly!!!

2.) Is Kate going to be a main part of the story or just someone who appears in one act? Is she going to put Crow into some trouble? Will Crow feel inclined to live up to her legacy or just feel indifferent?

3.) How are the others (proxy trio and occupants in the mansion) going to react to Crow now being part of the family? Is there going to be resentment towards them joining in? Are they going to be compared to Kate? (I'm not sure if I can ask this but doesn't hurt to try.)

4.) Is Crow going to retain their old personality or just be an empty husk that grows into their personality? Will they keep likes, dislikes or preferences? Or have to learn about their self all over again?

5.) Who are the love interests going to be? Is there going to be little or a lot? Will they come from beyond the Slender Mansion?

I think those are all the questions I have. Please feel free to not answer them if they are spoilers to Delusion or ruin the element of surprise you are planning!!!

I also have some hc's regarding Crow which I'm going to keep short.

1.) I like to think that Crow starts to collect shiny things or just starts to collect in general. Part of their namesake after all.

2.) From what I remember, crows are known to be super intelligent and remember the faces of those who are kind to them. They even give gifts to them. Id like to think that Crow remembers everyone. The ones who were kind, mean, etc. They won't leave gifts but maybe they show in subtle ways that they remember and appreciated it.

This is so long. I'm so sorry if this was super chunky but leaving long comments and asks is my love language to all my favorite authors. I hope you have a good day or night and take care!!!!

I am grabbing you gently by the face and looking you deeply in the eyes before planting a big messy kiss on your forehead!!! I am taking you by the hands and taking you to the aquarium!! We will go to the touch tank and giggle about the rays splashing us with water!!!

I was not expecting such a wonderful dissertation in my inbox! Your words mean so, so much to me. There's so much love and care I've put into Delirium and to see that others are able to get it is frankly, staggering. I'll be honest, I never expected the reception I've gotten on Delirium. Hoped for it, yes certainly! But it was like a pipe dream. Please lend me your ear for the ramble that I will now bestow upon you as a reward for your lovely, lovely words.

Crow was/is my best attempt at ambiguity because I, like you, did not like the heavily intended imprint that other authors put on reader-inserts. Power to them, of course, it's their sandbox-- but as a nonbinary person, The intense fem lean in so many of them really made me uncomfortable. Not to mention the explicit whiteness present in nearly all of them! I've been trying to lend an ear to the BIPOC parts of the fandoms I'm in and one thing that really stood out to me was the fact that many authors don't notice that the way they use descriptors implies that the reader is White. It's because they are White themselves, of course, but it really hit me that internal biases can come out in such subtle ways (is it a bias? Probably not the right word, but I'm more talking about the way one thinks about themself and how it translates into text, with a racial focus).

Then I made a friend who has Alopecia and is bald, or nearly so. And I realized that so many reader fics put emphasis on the presence of hair. This also ties into the BIPOC exclusion, because a lot of that description also implies that the hair is straight or wavy, not curly or coily.

So, I've tried my best to read about it and eliminate those unconscious descriptors from Delirium. I'm certain its not perfect-- most people have hair, for example, and with different textures, so it's hard to not mention hair at least once-- but I tried to give it the best I've got with a vagueness that could imply almost nearly everyone. 

It's harder with personality, with Crow's reactions to things, with the family set up, with the relationship with Cathy (I've gotten lots of comments regarding these); but as you said, no one likes a boring MC, and I'm okay with these things being picked over. They're integral parts of the story I'm writing, after all-- but what Crow looks like? That isn't.

(I'm open to constructive criticism, of course. The internal biases ingrained into us through the dominant culture are deep set and require constant maintenance and vigilance. Learning comes from both the self and others.)

Yes! Yes! The relationships are so important to me!! Gah! I've put these little guys in the spin cycle of my brain for so long!! At this point they have been so blorbo-fied that releasing them back into the wild will certainly lead to their death, so I keep them safe in their enclosures and make them get along :] -- Shades is the right word, by the way! Anyone not a Proxy is a Shade.

The ever-present tension and fighting is interesting, yes, because conflict is tasty-- but as you said, this does not bode well in a living situation. I've done quite a few instances of close living with others for periods of time (camping, mainly), and with many types of people. Some chill and some not. And despite the not-chill ones being there and causing problems, those problems didn't happen all the time. When a group is so big, there comes a point where the members get along because they have to. Social pressure does a lot, but the shared existence does as well. No one is bad or mean all the time.

Now, murderers 'employed' by otherwordly beings is a different barrel of fish, of course. But we treat our crack seriously here. How good is your 'business' of your 'employees' are constantly yelling and beating the shit out of each other in front of the 'customers'? This isn't a Waffle House. It's a respectable manslaughter establishment. This is a Waffle Home.

And here I burst into tears and blubber nonsensically on the floor-- hearing someone say they like my interpretation of the Proxy trio dynamic makes my week. My month. My year. My goddamn lifetime.

"In reality, they're just a bunch a mentally ill men who find solace and peace with each other"

You!! You get it!! You see it!! My tears could replace the ocean. With all they've been through, everything they've seen and experienced together, the horrors they go through every day-- in the end they have each other. They rely on each other. They trust each other. They bicker and banter and argue and fight and after that they put each other back together. They help each other hold their broken pieces. Their relationship is messy and brutal and harrowing and so, so good. Companionship blooms on the battlefield. Devotion flows out the trenches. Fealty coats their bullets. It fills their bunks. It keeps them warm against the icy cold.

Okay, enough weeping.

The scene with Ben was quite important, in my eyes-- from what I remember, there hadn't been any sort of scene with the Proxies and the other's in their Family interacting (Jason isn't part of their Family, to be clear). It's an important scene because it's stage dressing. It shows you what goes on, expands upon the fanon-atypical characterization. To bring back the 'business' metaphor-- the Proxies are like supervisors. They take orders from management (their Lord). They must, then, be at the very least cordial with the workers (Shades) to keep the business operating. In my world, in my interpretation, they're all in the same boat. They're all trying to make it to the end of their shift. They have to work together, they're a team. So, at this point, when everyone's been coworkers for so long, everything just kind of mellows out. They've had their disagreements and arguments, there's been grudges, etc. But everything's chill now.

At least until the new hire arrives. Now that's certain to stir things up :]

Responding to your Crow headcanons wayyyy at the bottom:

1. This is an excellent one because I love trinkets and it's such a fun way to tie into the name symbolically. This is going into the character sheet for sure.

2. Memory is a complicated subject here, but I will say this plays in nicely with what is to come :]

(I'm also always, always rabid for thoughts about my book and it's characters, so feel free to lay more headcanons on me!)

---

As always, I write way too much. Answers to your (wonderful) questions under the readmore:

1. Not weird! There is a clear, overarching plot that builds throughout the book; the 'Acts' are essentially the more minor plot arcs that the characters will go through, the kind that flows into each other and both builds on themselves and that bigger plot behind them. Your examples are quite similar to what I'm thinking! Act 1 will be about Crow adjusting to their new life, yes, but also other things. The other acts, well... You'll see ;]

2. If I say nothing, that's almost like saying something, isn't it? ;]]

3. Resentment, yes, as well as curiosity, anger, eagerness, bitterness, and much more. Some of these feelings will change for the better, some worse. Crow will most certainly be compared to Kate-- they're her replacement, after all. Some won't care about that, and other's will be incredibly hurt.

4. A little bit of both-- Crow will retain parts of themself, and have to relearn many others. Some things will never quite come back, and some new parts will come to light. Think of yourself as you were a year ago. Are you the same? What about five years ago? It's a similar thing if you ignore all the eldritch-bullshit going on.

5. This is a liiiiiitle harder to answer than the others (genuine rant/discussion incoming. Sorry):

 I've been thinking on this exact thing for a long while. I don't really... Have a firm grasp on what romance is or looks like. When I first started this project my goal was for Crow to get all romantical with the Proxy trio (Masky, Hoodie, and Toby) because I thought I wanted them to kiss me on my hot mouth. That was like, seven to eight years ago. Not saying I don't want to mack on em still! Just that my personal life journey has meandered along until I had to take a good, long look at the story and wonder what I wanted it all to say in the end.

There's a lot of hard, heavy topics in Delirium. There's gonna be a lot more in Delusion. We're talking about severely mentally ill serial killers and Lovecraftian horrorterrors here-- it's gonna get pretty ugly. And as I've been pulling together the plot and writing the characters and constructing the end, and thinking about my own life, I realized something.

Romantic love is always placed on a pedestal. It's considered the final destination, the top of the pyramid. It's what everyone wants, what everyone needs to feel complete. To be complete. To be fixed and healed. Not only that-- it's what you should want and need. It's what should fix and heal you. And if you don't-- if it doesn't-- something is terribly, terribly wrong with you.

At least, that's the current zeitgeist (the defining spirit or mood of a particular period of history as shown by the ideas and beliefs of the time, thanks internet). But that's not really true, is it? It isn't the reality for a lot of people. It isn't for me.

I may be philosophizing and queer theory-ing a little too hard over a Creepypasta reader-insert fanfiction, but it's what I feel. For many real people, and for these characters, romantic love won't save them. It can't. But does one need to be saved? Does one need to be 'fixed' or 'made complete', especially by love? Who says they are broken, or incomplete in the first place? Is that what I really want to say here? Not really.

So there was no romance in Delirium. And if you (I'm using the non-specific, all encompassing you here) are hoping that there will be some in Delusion, I'm not sorry to say there won't be. Not in my opinion, at least. Because, really, there's gonna be parts in Delusion that people can construe as romantic. It's not necessarily un-romantic-- there's gonna be kissing, hand holding, cuddling, sharing clothes, making food for one another, sharing interests, sharing secrets, entwining lives inseparably, etc. Some can argue that these are actions reserved for romantic partners-- but I do all of these things with my friends. Others in real life do as well. What delineates romantic love from platonic love? Sex? Certainly not. People have sex with strangers they'll never see again. Are they in love? Friends with benefits exist. Are they in love? Some married people, when they grow old, stop having sex. Are they no longer in love? Some people don't have sex until after being married. Do they not love each other? Some people date for several months or years before having sex. Were they not in love until then?

Or, more importantly-- did they not care for each other until sex was put in the equation? I think that's something that is-- incorrectly-- tied to sex. That one does not actually care, or trust, until they have sex.

Do you not share your food with your friends? Your secrets? Do you not spend time with your friends? Go out to eat with them, see movies, play games? Do you not share your interests with them? Your art? The vulnerable, fragile sides of you? 

A cat shows you its belly. A dog stares at you, pressed as close to you as possible. A lizard closes its eyes as you watch it. A deer lowers its head to graze. A snail gently rasps its radula against your skin. A caterpillar inches across your finger. A mouse cleans itself in front of you. A crow brings you gifts.

How is that not trust? How is that not care? How is that not love?

I think it's one of the fatal flaws of reader-insert fanfiction. Generally people expect romance with these things. How do I, exactly, essentially, 'advertise' that Delirium and Delusion are an insert fic without an x or /? The ampersand (&) has been making its way through the general ecosphere, but I don't know how well it translates. I don't want to falsely advertise, but at the same time I don't want to miss readers who may genuinely like it, who will read and be satisfied in the end even if there's no true romance.

So, to finish: there will be no love interests. But the original vision stands: Crow will have a deep relationship with Masky, Hoodie, and Toby. They will be close to others as well (that may be spoilers, so I'm keeping it vague).

Thank you, again, for your words. For taking the chance and reading my work. I hope to make Delusion live up to your expectations <3