#i don’t wanna say meaningful because they all mean a lot to me

[x-atlas-x]

thank you to everyone leaving comments and offering advice as i wallow in the pit of writer and reader’s block :,)

[hannahluvsbillie]

was it ever casual?

part 1

✮ pairing : billie eilish x reader

✮ cw: nothing too heavy, angst (kind of)

ᡣ𐭩 a/n: sorry for the wait!! my tumblr hasn’t been letting me post anything! but we’re here now and that’s all that matters. thank you sm for all the love on part one, it means everything to hear you like my writing 🥺🥺

the rain pitter patters on the window of billie’s car, it was pitch black with the exception of a few small streetlights in the empty parking lot.

it was damn near silent in the car, only the sounds of soft music playing were heard.

at least it was, until you got a notification.

you pick up your phone from the console, seeing a text from some random person you gave your number to at a party last week because he wouldn’t stop bugging you.

“hey, wanna meet up soon? still in la for the week.”

the text read.

billie’s eyes glance over at your phone, out of your peripheral vision you see her brows furrow at the message.

your eyes dart to billie, and you immediately put your phone down. not wanting her to see the message.

this just makes her brows furrow further, and her face contort a little.

“who’s that?” she asks, her voice stern. the hand that was once on your thigh moves back to her own, silently telling you she’s suspicious.

“don’t worry about it.” you say, glancing over at her and putting your phone under your thigh. you didn’t intent to mock her statement from the last meet up you had, but it just came out.

these past few times you’ve hung out with her, you’ve been noticing the abundance of notifications she gets while you’re together. you try to comfort yourself by saying it’s just her friends, or her family blowing up her phone. but you know, you know it’s other girls.

“im worried about it, who else is talking to my girl?” she states, the smallest hint of playfulness in her voice.

“my girl.” the nickname always seemed to find its way into her words while she was with you, but the once meaningful nickname that used to give you butterflies has lost meaning. how many other girls does she call “my girl” ?

you look away, you find yourself feeling annoyed at her words. she does the same shit to you, so why should she be mad about it?

“it’s not like we’re dating.” you say, glancing over at her only to see her brows raised at your comment. you were never this feisty with her, what did she do?

she moves her head just enough to look into your eyes, her brows still raised in surprise. “yeah, we aren’t. but i wanna know if my girl’s talking to someone else.” she says coldly.

your brows raise, matching her expression. you shake your head in disbelief, how could she be so dismissive?

“billie, you do the same fucking thing.” you say, your voice seems to have lost that soft, sweet, gentle tone it regularly has when you speak to billie.

“that’s- that’s different ma.” she says, feeling like she’d just been called out on her bullshit.

you shake your head once again, your hands fiddle with themselves in your lap.

“how is that any different? they blow up your phone constantly and when i ask you about it you brush me off.” you say softly, turning your head to meet her gaze.

she rolls her eyes at your response, starting to get agitated with you.

“because you’re my girl y/n. no one else’s.” she says, her eyes shooting darts into yours.

that doesn’t sound very causal, but to hell with causal at this point.

“i wish i could say that about you billie.” you say, shooting her a glare.

“oh my god- baby. we’ve been through this a million times. they don’t mean anything to me.” she says, her voice starting to get more cold by the second. how could she just lie to you like that?

you turn to face her, you can’t hold back anymore.

“bullshit.” you say coldly, her eyebrows raise in response.

“if i meant anything to you i wouldn’t be sitting in your car at 1 in the morning- let alone letting you eat me out in your car, or only meeting with you in secluded places, or the fact you won’t text me back for a week. it’s like im only here when your bored.” you ramble, finally letting your feelings spill out. it felt nice to call her out, even though you knew she wouldn’t tell the truth.

“baby- y/n- you know damn well it’s not like that.” she says, looking at you with furrowed brows.

in all honesty, billie didn’t know you felt like that. so what she’d talk to other girls, you were still the one she saw the most.

“so what is it then?” you ask sharply, furrowing your brows at her. you had to swallow the lump that was forming in your throat.

she looks away, trying to think of a way to possibly answer that question.

“we’re just- a casual thing y/n, don’t act like it’s more then that because it’s not.” she says coldly, her response shooting daggers into your heart.

a moment of silence falls between billie and you, neither of you knew what to say, or what was the right thing to do.

but you knew one thing, you couldn’t keep doing this with her. if that’s how she really feels, then you two aren’t on the same page.

it’s not causal when you look at her like she hung the damn stars every time she speaks.

“just- take me home billie.” you say, looking into her eyes. you were so tired of begging for her to choose you. it’s all that you’ve done is beg for her attention this whole- situationship. or whatever the fuck you wanted to call it.

she scoffed in disbelief, shaking her head. her hand went down to the shift and put the car into drive.

“god damn it- fine.”

[urfavoritesecretadmirer]

Stuff that would get us fake claimed bc this trend is so amazing in my eyes

(And no I'm not asking to get fake claimed bc apparently I'm not allowed to make jokes)

High alter count

We don’t have an exact number, but our overall estimation is pretty high (not in the thousands but yk 100-150).

Not being able to control switches

We can’t control when we switch but it’s usually in stressful/negative situations. We also can’t control who takes front.

Alter variety

Istg, people are weird when it comes to alter variety. It’s always “oh your alters are all similar? Fake!!” Or “oh your alters are all very different? Fake!!” Our system has a lot of variety.

Has a TikTok account

“Omg, a system with social media?! Fake!!” Believe it or not, we only started our TikTok in late June of last year. We’ve known we are a system since way before that. So yes, systems can have TikTok accounts. Because I guarantee there are thousands of systems on TikTok who are not open to being a system that you will never know about.

Posts about system stuff

Damn, I didn’t know it was illegal for systems to be open about being a system. I didn’t know my literal existence, labels I choose to use, etc were taking away from the “real systems”. My apologies, Mr/ms high and mighty ceo of Reddit moderation as your 9-5.

Has simply plural

“Omg an app for systems?! And you’re using it?! As a system?! Fake!!” I’m not allowed to use one of the few useful apps that can log switches, keep track of members, send messages, help you meet other systems, make polls, make your layout look pretty if you want, etc without getting fakeclaimed. It’s almost like it’s an app for systems, and systems use it. Shocker.

Uses pluralkit

“A system using a meaningful way of communication and another good way to keep track of members?! Fake!!” Apparently redditors think that pluralkit worsens amnesia barriers and derealization. Is this true?? If so tell me, but it doesn’t happen for us. Because obviously, I’m not fronting all the time. How am I supposed to feel derealization if I’m not there?? Also it’s not like our main account profile is by default the host. Our user has <3 and our systag in the name for christs sake.

Goes to school

I know, shocker, I have a life. I’m not physically incapable of having an education as a system. And believe it or not, I have decent grades too. Systems are traumatized, not stupid (directed at that one boy at my old school).

Doesn’t want final fusion

Excuse you, but this system has been here for me and has been around since I was five (I think). I’ve only now fully accepted the fact I’m a system. I think it’d be a bit rude to just say “alr you can go now” like I don’t wanna be alone tf.

Introjects

We ain’t Introject heavy, but ig even having two introjects makes you fake. This may be a shocker, but it’s more common to have other disorders alongside DID/OSDD than to not. This, and again, this may be a shocker, but it includes ADHD and autism.

In sys relationships

Me, the host, has personally never been in an in-sys relationship. But I think in our system there’s like, two? And then there’s a lot of ‘it’s complicated’ or ‘situationship’.

Decent communication

Obviously, it could be better, but we overall have decent and healthy ways of communicating with each other. Usually it’s talking out loud or leaving little notes.

Alter intros

Because apparently it’s a crime against being neurodivergent to share about your alters. We obviously can’t share everything for obvious reasons but we want yall to get to know us.

DNI alters

This may be a hard pill to swallow, but DNI doesn’t always mean the alter is some dangerous monster. It can mean that alter is too little to be online, it could mean that alter is a social anxiety symptom holder, it could mean that alter just doesn’t like talking to people outside the system/at all. These are just a few examples. Or maybe, that alter just doesn’t wanna be fuckin interacted with. But these alters should still be acknowledged. Why? Because healing is a thing. Locking them away isn’t healthy. Maybe they want people to know not to interact with them. But noooo, all DNI alters are awful people apparently.

Other mental health disorders

We have anxiety and depression (diagnosed and genetic), medically recognized ADHD, and tics. And yes, all of our alters have tics because it's caused by your brain and we share the same brain.

[throwawayasoiafaccount]

of course it’s an alicent profile pic saying this shit:

the thing is, i would’ve agreed with the original sentiment of this post if it wasn’t for the tags, but then this person goes mask off and proves to me that they were only pretending to offer meaningful criticism.

cause all i see in these tags is buzzword 🗣️🗣️ buzzword 🗣️🗣️ buzzword 🗣️🗣️

i just wanna know, why are the targaryens always singled out as the house that ‘regularly cannibalizes its own?’

these don’t exist ig: the she-wolves of winterfell, the current lannisters, and literally every House ever.

why are the targaryens held to such an unfair standard? and why are they held responsible for the sins of their ancestors?

it is literally so funny. but like… in an astonishing kind of way.

in these tags there’s no objective language used 🙅‍♀️ no care for nuance 🙅‍♀️ and no meaningful interaction with the main themes of the series 🙅‍♀️

OP kind of tries to pretend, but it’s all surface level shit. it’s clear that they’re blinded by their hatred of the targs and dany.

because george never holds things his characters can’t control against them. what a character should be judged by is their actions, and imo, that’s what george writes about: how individual characters actions and choices can shape the world around them (bonus if the character is a cripple, bastard, or broken thing and is trying to protect others); and he also puts a lot of emphasis on a characters intentions and how they come to their decisions, which gets us his famous ‘human heart in conflict with itself’ thesis statement.

george, someone who’s interested in the choices of the individual and how they get there, clearly thinks it’s important to showcase how different characters handle great power, otherwise he wouldn’t have so many POV characters in positions of such great importance.

on that note, asoiaf isn’t an anti-monarchy piece. you could easily claim that it’s a criticism of systematic oppression, systematic violence, corrupt institutions, and unbalanced social structures; it’s a sort of think piece on how people in positions of power destroy the lives of the common in their petty fights of greed and ambition, all whilst ignoring the incoming humanity ending threat.

and through this thought process, you get the title of the first book: a game of thrones. the political shifts are a game for these powerful people, and this motif is one of the most important statements to understand in order to interact with the series discussion on what it means to be a good ruler. this motif also comes up in a conversation jorah and dany have about the smallfolk: “It is no matter to them if the high lords play their game of thrones, so long as they are left in peace. They never are.” it’s high lords, not royals. it’s a critique of the whole social structure and political system, not a criticism of one family.

so, if you’re of this belief that petty power disputes are dumb and are angry that most high lords don’t give a shit about their subjects, then you should love daenerys, who’s one of the few characters who’s using her power to make lasting societal change.

now, is she perfect? no. no she’s not. cause she’s a teenage girl trying to take down a slave trade that’s been around for thousands of years (hilarious that she’s actually fixing the mistakes of her ancestors…). but dany is learning and is doing her best to get better and is trying to empower the powerless. that sets her apart from almost every other ruler in asoiaf and makes her one of the most important POVs in this book series quest to find out what makes a good ruler. something something gods make kings and queens to protect those who can’t protect themselves…

with that in mind, i agree that the conclusion of the series won’t be a character sitting on a throne because of their blood or because of some divine right mumbo jumbo. imo, a character will only sit on a throne if they’ve been smart, gained allies, formed alliances, have control of an army, have gained loyalty from the people they wish to rule, have been honorable, maybe have a dragon or three, and are a hero.

dany has checked off almost all the boxes, so i think it’s safe to root for her. and considering the foreshadowing, i think it’s logical to guess that peace will be ushered in, even if it’s a hard won peace. and what’s wrong with believing that daenerys will be one of the ones who helps usher in this peace after all the work she’s done to protect those who don’t have the power to protect themselves?

[dootznbootz]

Can I ask why you hate OdyDio? I’m not super familiar with Greek mythology yet, and I’ve seen OdyDio as fairly popular so I’m curious about the other side lol (I personally don’t ship it just because I can’t imagine Odysseus with anyone other than Penelope tbh).

Because people are literally mischaracterizing both Odysseus and Diomedes to make it work and it spits in the face of what Homophrosyne means 🙃

And people are nuts about it in a way that pisses me off more than any other NOTP/crackship I've had before.

I guess this post, This one, and This one that people have done about vague fandom is a good explanation if that's all you want as I do rant here lol. NGL, I don't...really care if I'm being mean right now. Like block, unfollow, or ignore me. I wanna rant.

Btw, yeah, I'm being a "hater" but I'll tag right so you can block "#anti odydio" if you must.

I already didn't care for it in the first place, (I've vented about it before) as I agree, OdyPen are literally soulmates. To the point where they have their own WORD for their love. And yet people will fucking insist that "Oh, Odysseus and Diomedes are more compatible". WHERE?

The Odyssey is literally about him trying to go back home to Penelope and their son. And even in the Iliad, Odysseus mentions her. The Odyssey only mentions Diomedes three times and never once by Odysseus (once by Nestor, twice by Menelaus) so... that goes to show how Odysseus feels about him. 🤷 Kind of wild that Odysseus mentions his wife multiple times in both works but says fuck all about his war co-worker. Menelaus was the one who talked about Odysseus so warmly in the Odyssey as well. Y'all just don't "blorbo" him enough to pair him with Odysseus.

I was just neutral about the ship existing because it's like one of those absurd crackships to me but with how popular, fanonized, and just...With HOW people have behaved about it to me ;~;

Ofc, I'm a huge Penelope fan but even with Diomedes, you can't go into his tag without OdyDio. I'm not even joking. I'm sad I've had to block Diomedes' tag as well because people don't tag right AND don't apparently see him as more than Odysseus' "fling" ;~; (I mean at least Penelope and Diomedes can relate to the fact that it sucks that a lot of people are only caring about them because of Odysseus and not because of who they are. :/ )

Just in general, with my own reading of the Iliad, I...WHERE?! xD Where is the "ship"? They are comrades and they're very different from one another personality wise. Sure, they're a good team in combat but in life??? They are not "likeminded" at ALL.

They also have a fairly large agegap, Odysseus being one of the older kings while Diomedes is one of the youngest. I have them around a decade apart in my writing If you bring up pederasty, you will be smited. You're fucking disgusting.

They also have very little in common other than them both being Athena's pets (which um. Penelope is one too, you know?). Odysseus is a fucked up lil warrior trickster who loves his wife and child more than life itself while Diomedes is a young child soldier boy who is incredibly duty bound and war is where he feels most comfortable.

Diomedes would not put up with Odysseus' rambling about his family and Odysseus WANTS to talk about that. They're co-workers.

Diomedes is a younger king who looks up to all these older and more experienced kings. "Notice me, senpai" energy, and I love it!

And I really hate this "Male/Male relationships didn't 'count' back then so it's not cheating!" like, it may not have counted THEN but it should count NOW. Male/Male relationships have counted to THOSE COUPLES and it has ALWAYS counted. Like by saying that, you're already fucking undermining this supposed beautiful relationship by saying "It wasn't seen as real :3 ".

Like is it a real relationship, important and meaningful for both, in which yeah, Odysseus IS emotionally and physically cheating. (unless Pen and him have agreed to be Poly which yes! Go forth if that's the case! :D Give Penny a GF too!) or was it a casual thing that actual just meant "nothing", therefore OdyDio means nothing? WHICH IS IT?!

Like Admit and have fun with a crackship and then yeah, just do it because you find it hot. You don't have to pull stuff outta nowhere in order to have fun with a CRACKSHIP.

OR delve into the possible feelings of Odysseus feeling like he's betraying Penelope by falling in love with another or whatever! And if it's just "casual fucking", y'all. He's fucking married and deeply in love. Have OdyPen KNOW they can both be casual so she won't feel betrayed when he tells her "Oh yeah, me and this guy were fucking during the war. :) Yeah, I fell in love with him too! Wait, why are you mad at me?"

As from what I know, with kings especially, you did NOT interact with someone like that of the same rank without consequences of being ridiculed by the others. Odysseus is older and more respected than Diomedes, and Diomedes, who is TRYING to prove himself, would not want to be with another king as that would make people respect him less! If you want to write about it, at least delve into that possible JUICY type of drama that would occur with a CRACKSHIP relationship like this! It's okay to ship something JUST because it's a fetish y'all!

like I have no respect for guys who are supposed to be Wifeguys who don't hold true to that with a "eh but it's 20 years so I just gotta keep myself busy so I don't think about it and blah blah" OK so a man with no self-control? Wonderful. A weak willed, casual, irreverent cheater? Lovely. Fuck whoever that is. That's Not Odysseus. That's a fucking OC at this point.

That's just the Canon texts itself as to why I just simply disliked it. The fandom was... yeah ;~; made me hate that it even exists. (Not all! Some of y'all are incredibly kind and respectful of boundaries and I appreciate that! It's just that...Some were not.)

I mean I've had to deal with Aphobia surrounding my OdyPen and along with some asks/people in the past who were TRYING to make me write about OdyDio despite the fact that I've never liked it.

"Hey, I know you don't like this thing, but maybe THIS will change your mind. You have fun ideas so I wanna see what you do with OdyDio!"

Do you know how shitty that feels? 😞 To have people, WHO KNOW YOU DON'T LIKE SOMETHING, try to make you like it? By sending you links and "headcanons" that will "still work in your writing?" Sending in your asks, DMING YOU SOMETIMES.

That was like, half a year ago and thankfully it's stopped for the most part but I was in such a funk that I didn't even wanna write ANYTHING for a while.

Funny enough? I USED to have this "Oh, Odysseus and Diomedes are exes who fucking hate each other." idea where I aged up Diomedes to make it work, which I now no longer have because I realized I only wrote that way because I thought I HAD to in order to get people to be nice to me. ;~; Because if they're romantic at some point but simply don't click, maybe that'll be enough. To get people to just shut up and stop sending me things. (fuck the anon who sent smut last December. you suck.)

I changed that (now it's Greater Ajax who's his ex. lol. idk ask about it if you want.) because I realized yeah, it was making me unhappy and because I felt like I HAD to. ;~;

I also think it's weirdly because some Odysseus fans almost block out the Odyssey, you know, HIS story, and pretend like he didn't do everything to get home to his loved ones.

I've seen some ridiculous shit about Penelope as well. >:( like holy shit, misogyny everywhere.

"Oh, she didn't trust him and made him cry when she tricked him. She's abusive!" Literally one of the most stupid things I've ever fucking heard. She HAD to be sure it was him and when she knows for sure, she apologizes, explains, and kisses him. Kisses that he desperately and happily returns btw.

"After all Odysseus goes through from the Goddesses, he's afraid of women so he and Penelope separate." ...WHAT?! He literally wants to "embrace in love in their bed" as soon as they stop crying! And she holds him back only to know Tiresias' prophecy, which he DOES TELL HER BTW, before they DO "show love".

"Penelope becomes Odysseus' and Diomedes' surrogate!" ...Wow. Just wow. Love how people will talk about how ancient men in the past only saw women as "breeders" as though they're any fucking different with THIS fucking take.

It's annoying that I'll post a headcanon on tumblr and then the tags are "This but with OdyDio." or that people will often only like/reblog my ODYSSEUS shit and not my Penelope. ;~;

I love how people will be adamant about how "Odysseus never cheated" (true), and yet have him with Diomedes :/ Like at LEAST have OdyPen agree to have an open marriage before they're separated if you're going to pull that stance. (also give Penelope a girlfriend if Odysseus gets a boyfriend, you cowards.)

So many people for some reason only see Penelope for what she is for her husband and that's all. As though that's all she is. And as if Odysseus isn't as intertwined with her as she is with him.

Even with OdyPenDio. I've noticed that it mostly means "OdyDio + Penelope in the fujoshi cuck chair." I've only heard about ONE fic where it's actually about PenDio. (In which Author, you give me hope. It's not my thing but thank you for writing that. <3 The "Sidepieces" deserve love too.) It feels like people masking micro misogyny by forcing M/F couples to be throuples with the man they’d rather see the dude with. Or acting like the only way to enjoy a couple is to make them gay by erasing the woman entirely 🤮

I just... stdrfgyh ;~; I wouldn't hate it so much if people were nice about someone not liking it but the fact that I literally cannot escape it and because some people were just so pushy, I just negative memories I guess.

Either way, I love Diomedes and Sthenelus together :) whether as a QPR or romantic or whatever, those two are like bonded pairs that cannot be adopted separately.

Heck I'll say it. If you want a "casual dipshits who are kind of awful and toxic to each other" I think Diomedes x Achilles is a MUCH more fun and interesting crackship. I could go on but yeah. I'm done :)

[daistea]

thrun is not the submissive one. He might bottom here and there, but that's a position, not a role. I also don't like this shit because I see it with basically every character I like. They're a bit feminine. Okay, sure. But then every edge on them is sanded off until they're disgusting smooth. It's like this gross contradiction of excess fragility. It skeeves me the hell out because it takes a lot of the cool traits and feminizes them totally and basically says "Hey! Being feminine isn't cool or complex or edgy. It's soft." Like. Hey. Hey. That is so fucked? Do you not realize that?

Feminization literally so often takes away what is so interesting and meaningful to a character for the sake of shipping and I've been dealing with it since L fucking Lawliet. And I'm tired. I don't care. Make the guy the bottom if you want. But when people get rid of traits and characterization and change the guy to do it, it's like... ???? I don't know.

Maybe just do it because you want to instead of making it some gender thing? It's weird when people go "femme = bottom". You are remaking gender roles! At that point, I dunno, why are we not writing straight sex?

And honestly, I have lots of thoughts about sexuality and dominance and I think there are so many interesting ways to play it out other than physical strength, which, by the way, if you're going off of that, it's Mithrun!

There's coercion. There's mental dominance. There are so many interesting ways to be dominated beyond pure strength that it seems silly that conquest would come down to only that. You've got this guy, knife-sharp, which is to say smart, and incredibly blunt. He's ruthless, relentless, single-minded. And you're making him the fucking submissive? Like. Okay. Sure. Maybe sometimes. But I also think he's impatient, actually. I think you push him too much when he wants and he decides it's his turn now, and God help you.

There are so many interesting ways to explore the dynamic and the feelings and him as a person. He's a stubborn menace. And it's so neat to make the dom a brat, too! Ugh. The bicker. The banter.

I agree with all u said, here’s a Yeah

I know a lot of it is just societal. We’re trained to assign roles, and when we do that our brains go okay here are the traits associated with those roles :)

I feel like a lot of modern fandom should’ve moved on from that by now, though?? And with dunmeshi especially, you’ve got bearded manly-looking men who cook and garden and sympathize/care for everyone he meets— traditionally feminine traits. You’ve got dwarf women who are stronger than the main character— Namari. Youve got a whole race of characters who look and dress generally feminine, but the main elf is ruthless, he disregards others’ feelings and lives, he’s blunt, he kills people and he does it in a skirt LOL

(I know it’s not technically a skirt but the concept remains ✌️)

Mithrun’s traits are traditionally associated with masculinity. (Women are like that too, though, and actually I want to see more women written like that!) Anyway, despite that, he still gestures in a feminine way sometimes. He’s like if a man and a woman had a baby. Mithrun isn’t necessarily defined by specific roles, which is a consequence of his backstory. That’s how he’s written. He has the capacity to both submit and to dominate— which uh, most real people do, I think. To an extent. I don’t mean sexually, I mean in a relationship. Most emotionally developed people sometimes submit, sometimes grow more dominant, depending on the situation. But what do I know? The world constantly surprises and corrects me.

If ya wanna make Mithrun the bottom in physical moments, go for it. But just because that is considered a traditionally feminine role does not mean he has to be feminine. His characterization/personality does not have to morph and change to fit what sex position you want him in.

Anyway sorry for the rambling, what I’m trying to say is that dungeon meshi has nuanced characters. And I feel like assigning gender roles + the traditional traits of those roles to these characters erases the many dimensions they were written with.

On a physical note, I believe it also subconsciously stems from who’s smaller— another societal norm. I like a good size difference, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t think size necessarily equals role. Just bc Mithrun is shorter and can be easily manhandled does not mean he’s an uwu sub softboy who needs coddling. (I think for him, specifically, it also plays into how his disabilities are subconsciously viewed. But that’s a whole other can of worms to snack on.)

If you insist on giving roles, I think it’s actually more fun to give the little guy the more dominant role!

And I do understand why some people gravitate towards dom/sub top/bottom roles. There’s nothing wrong with that. All I would like to see is some brain power behind the characterization and portrayal.

There’s a lot I can but will not say about shipping in fandom. I adore shipping, don’t get me wrong, but I’m just very funny about Mithrun.

In the end, creativity is about fulfillment and joy and expression! If you wanna use these characters to portray your fantasy/tastes then go ahead. But if you want to portray them in canon-accurate ways, with real relationship dynamics, then all I recommend is to not put as much importance/significance into roles. Look at the characters on their own. Canon is your reference, not fanon.

eepy

[eddiediazismyhusband]

The thing is while I want buddie canon until it’s actually happening on screen I’m not believing it will actually happen. I’ve felt that disappoint before and while I’ll enjoy the content surrounding it until we actually get season 8 I’m not getting my hopes up.

my thing is i’ll enjoy non-spec fandom content but as far as spec or bts stuff so far i’ve seen nothing to make me feel confident so i’m staying away from season 8 until we get some sort of actual evidence of the show moving in a positive direction and not further retconning and committing character death after 7b

ive made my feelings for tim known; some people wanna blow sunshine up his ass still but i’m not going to speak positively about that man until he actually shows us he’s taking time and care with these characters ive seen as comfort characters for 7 years. to me he has only proven that he cares about melodrama and media buzz and doesn’t actually have any intentions to tell a meaningful story, so i’m not going to lie to myself and say “oh this is definitely the way the story is going” bc we’ve been here before where we all thought “it would make no sense for them not to do buddie!” just for the rug to be ripped out from under us bc they know that we will keep foaming at the mouth for bait and that we’ll never actually quit falling for the bait they set us up w because a lot of the fandom chose to be gullible (and i don’t mean optimistic fans, but there are some people out there who are legit capital-G Gullible and will make completely unironic deep dives into things that is like- when have these writers made you think they would ever put that much effort into it?)

[bisexualbard-writes]

I’ll send you one of my fave tropes and one of my least fave tropes for variety 😂. You can pick which one you wanna talk about

Fave trope: childhood friends-to-lovers

Least fave trope: whatever you call the flower shop owner X tattoo shop owner thing (i don’t like this trope because it usually very boring. Like there’s usually little to no plot besides the flower shop owner character going “oooo the neighbor has tattoos 😳” and a cringey overuse of flower language and I just don’t understand the appeal)

OKAY, so I already have an outline for childhood friends-to-lovers kimchay which I'll dig up later, so lets talk about flower shop x tattoo shop owner aus. My original thought was: Chay is the sunshine that runs the flowershop, Kim is the moody one who runs the tattoo parlor, Chay is all ohh ahh the neighbor has tattoos 😳, Kim is like ooh ahh the neighbor is very cute let me find an excuse to keep going over there and buy flowers. This would be a cute fic! But WHAT IF we flip the script and INSTEAD: Kim runs the flower shop. It's a front for money laundering because people are often paying in cash and flowers wilt unpredictably, so it's easy to mismanage the books. It's also a front for Kim, family assassin, to import and process poisonous flowers for the family. Chay runs the tattoo parlor next door - he specializes in whimsical tattoos. Most of his designs are puns: bees on your knees, cartoons of potted plants saying "leaf me alone". The kinds of things your parents would miserably ask you why you would get it if it doesn't even have meaning. Kim has a tattoo of a vine he's been adding to since he was a teenager. It started at his ankle, and has been working its way up his leg, thigh, and back. Each time he kills someone he adds a flower onto the vine, either representing the poison he used to kill them or something in flower language about why they deserved to die. His normal artist moved, died or otherwise became unavailable, so he goes to Chay's place. At first he decides it's not the right place for him to get this super meaningful tattoo, but Chay's art is beautiful and he proves he can do serious material as well.

So he goes in regularly to get murder tattoo added to, and slowly over the course of their sessions Kim begins to relax and fall in love with the way Chay laughs. Kim opens up about how he wanted to do something other than his current career. He once wanted to spend his life adding beauty to the world. He stops making poisons, he stops working assassination jobs. He starts singing again as he makes the bouquets in his shop. He still goes to see Chay, but he doesn't add any flowers to his tattoo. Instead he lets Chay doodle whatever comes to mind. Kim gets a cat on his ankle and stars on his neck, and lots of other things that are meaningless and silly and dumb, but really they're beautiful and they make him smile, so they're the most meaningful.

(send me a trope, maybe one you hate, and I'll tell you how I'll kimchay it)

[acti-veg]

Seems like my ask got lost in the sea so I will repeat cus I think it’s really important to talk about this

It is not vegan to buy leather, silk or wool second hand because you are buying the products and the results of immense amounts of animal suffering. By using these products, you are, by you action, implicitly endorsing the idea that it is acceptable to benefit from animal exploitation.

Although purchasing second-hand items does not directly increase demand for new products, it still supports a market for animal products. This will normalise and continued the desirability of such items. The second hand leather market is huge and no one should be benefiting from the product of animals no matter how many owner it had before you bought it.

Of for the love of the animals shouldn’t you as a vegan juts feel repulsed by the idea of wearing someone else skin that used to be a breathing living sentient being that didn’t wanna die or be exploited. I mean that is some buffalo bill type of disturbing.

We as vegans need to understand that these products themselves are inherently immoral bc the product is the suffering of animals regardless of money involved.

To be honest I didn’t publish it because there wasn’t really a question for me to answer! If you’re looking for input though I agree with you in spirit; I think the main problem with second hand is that as you said, is still helps create demand and is still us benefiting from animal exploitation, ultimately. That said, there are a couple of points I’d like to challenge.

This first point is very minor and I’ve made this argument myself in the past; but I now don’t think that there is much of an argument to be made for normalising animal product use, mostly because it is already ubiquitous. I think we can argue that it normalises vegans using animal products too, even if second hand, but as for the rest of society it’s a drop in the ocean.

As for the last point, disgust doesn’t have any moral relevance in and of itself, ‘it is disturbing to wear someone else’s skin’ is a totally fair personal observation, but there is no real moral argument to be made about repulsion.

I am not repulsed by leather, I won’t wear or buy it in any form, I think it is ugly and unethical but it doesn’t repulse me in any meaningful way. There is no requirement in veganism to be disgusted by animal products, and I think that saying that vegans ‘should’ be disgusted leans into a kind of purity narrative that i think is all too prevalent. You can’t really morally insist that someone feels any particular emotion about anything.

There are scenarios where I think second hand is justified, where there isn’t really an alternative option, or the alternative is inaccessible. I have heard from people in professions like welding for example, where I’ve not been able to find a viable alternative for some of their work wear. Second hand is also always better environmentally, so we need to take that into consideration as well.

Just as an aside, I also have no problem with people wearing items they bought before they were vegan. I think this is an issue that has a lot of nuance to it and there is plenty of room for individual interpretation of how vegan values apply here.

[itjazzbicch]

Just Friends?

Pairing: Takashi Mitsuya x Fem Reader

Summary: Being bothered by a kid in class who keeps flirting with the reader, Takashi learns that this guy might try to ruin her night out with her friends, tagging along and pretending to be her boyfriend to make him back off, but they realize that maybe they like each other in a different way than just friends…

Warnings: A little swearing

Word Count: 1.4k

I DO NOT OWN THIS GIF:

“Well, what a way to have my day ruined,” Mumbling to myself, I plopped down in my seat, hoping some sewing would take my mind off of what just happened.

Looks like it wasn’t going away just yet when Takashi set down in front of me, noticing:

“Why the mean face, Y/N? Looks like someone pissed you off.”

“Remember that boy from my class I told you about? How he likes me and like never leaves me alone?” Making sure he remembered before I continued, he surely did, growing a bit annoyed just like me:

“Do I have to kick this guys ass?”

“Well, I was talking to some friends about going to the movies and guess who had to stick his nose in it?” I huffed, disappointed because some creep has to come and ruin my plans with my friends, “I’m not going now. I know he’s gonna be there.”

“Hey, don’t let some weirdo ruin your fun with your friends. Just want me to take you?” Takashi was always so kind, wanting to see me smile and making that happen with his, “I’m sure he won’t try anything if I’m around and you can enjoy your movie. It’s a win win.”

“You really don’t mind? I’ve been wanting to see this movie, but I also don’t want to intrude your schedule or any-“

“Girl, you’re fine! I promise!” His hand swatted with a smile, “You’re not intruding anything. As soon as we’re done with the club, we’ll go to the movies.”

“Thank you so much, Takashi. You’re awesome,” I smiled, feeling a bit flustered when he stood and winked to me:

“Never a problem.”

I was a lot less worried now that Takashi was going to come to the movies with me. Sewing club was fun as always and by the time we headed out of the movies, I ended up all flustered again, thanks to my friends:

“Aw, Y/N! You brought a date!”

They were all awing and teasing me playfully while in line and getting their tickets, but my attention fell on that kid who always hit on me. He actually showed up! Takashi noticed quickly too, glancing at my friends then whispering to me:

“Just wanna play along? That guy is giving me weird vibes.”

“Sure,” I nodded, noticing that that guy was behind us now!

The nervousness made me hold onto Takashi’s hand; I always felt safe around him and I’m sure he knew that. He didn’t mind in the slightest that I was holding his hand, he even flashed a smile at me before taking the lead in line:

“Two tickets please.”

He was so cool about this and it made me relax some, the smell of popcorn making me excited for the movie, but my heart skipping a beat when I heard him say:

“Want a drink and some popcorn, babe?”

Glancing up to him with wide eyes, I realized that his eyes were locked on that kid from class, so I tried my best to shake off the nervousness and play along:

“I’d love some, please.”

I didn’t know why, but hearing him call me babe gave me a feeling that I never felt before. I don’t think anyone’s ever called me babe that way before. The way it sounded so meaningful and sweet, I couldn’t help but feel a certain way about it.

“Hope you don’t mind if we split it,” Takashi smiled as he paid and let me take the bucket of popcorn and I smiled right along:

“Never, babe.”

Giggling, I tossed a piece and he caught it in his mouth, giggling along as he ate it, interlocking arms and finding my friends to sit with in the theater. I was glad that they didn’t mind that I brought him along, although I’d have some explaining to do considering we were actually pulling off the whole date thing.

“And hey, don’t worry about that guy,” He whispered to me, both of us watching as he sat just a few seats away, a glare beaming at us. That glare made the both of us angry, but Takashi gave him something to look at, only making my heart skip more when he wrapped his arm around me, “Just enjoy the movie.”

Only nodding, things settled again as the previews showed, then the actual movie began. It was a romantic comedy that was lived up to my expectations. Even Takashi was laughing at the movie and I forgot all about that guy, having a great time with Takashi and my friends.

Towards the end of the movie, when things started to get real romantic, Takashi began to joke with me, covering my eyes:

“I don’t think you’re old enough for this scene.”

“Oh shush,” I giggled, swatting his hand away, blushing as I heard my friends whispering next to me:

“Aww, aren’t they so cute? When did she have a boyfriend?”

Takashi heard too and I don’t think he was pretending when his arm around me pulled me a little closer. Naturally, I rested my head on his shoulder and he laid his head on top of mine, finishing the rest of the movie with smiles on both of our faces.

“Let’s get you home, don’t want you out past bed time,” He joked while checking the time; I just laughed at him, standing along with my friends and taking his hand again, but as he went to take a step out, there was that guy again and he bumped Takashi with his shoulder.

Oh boy, he really didn’t know who he was messing with, especially when he spat, “Excuse you.”

“We’re just trying to leave. So, how about you get moving, you creep,” Takashi spat back, my attention turning to one of my friends as she tapped my shoulder and whispered:

“Hey, Y/N. Isn’t that the guy who keeps bugging you in school?”

“Yeah,” I whispered, swallowing down a lump of anxiety, Takashi letting go of my hand when that guy stepped up to him:

“Who are you calling a creep?!”

“You! Considering you’ve been eyeballing and bugging my girl during her classes,” Takashi never backed down from anyone and the glare in his eyes alone had that guy nearly shivering, “And if she tells me that you’ve messed with her again? It’ll be the last time you do it and that’s a promise.”

Finally, that creep decided to back down and walk away, letting out a deep sigh of relief, actually smiling at my friends comment:

“You got yourself a tough one, huh Y/N?”

They all giggled it off and I just smiled more when Takashi wrapped his arm around me again, smiling back to them, “No one messes with my girl and gets away with it.”

“Let’s get home now, hm?” I looked up at him and he nodded, waving to my friends as we all parted ways, “You guys get home safe!”

Hoping on Takashi’s bike and heading back home, there weren’t many words between us, not till he parked his bike along my driveway, nervous again when I got off and thanked him:

“Hey uh, I just wanted to thank you. I actually really enjoyed the movie and had a good time. I probably wouldn’t have if it weren’t for you, so thank you again.”

“Of course,” He slouched back on his bike a little, scratching the back off his head as he tried to play off, “And I hope you didn’t mind me wrapping my arm around you and calling you babe. I know that’ll be tricky explaining to your friends.”

“Don’t apologize, I didn’t mind at all,” I smiled softly, whispering as I admitted, “It actually made me happy.”

“Oh yeah?” He was surprised by my answer, but propped his arm up on the handlebars of his bike, “You know I care about you Y/N and if I make you happy, how would you feel about going on a real date?”

“A real date?” I never been on a date before and I was talking to myself rather than him, shaking it off so I could accept with a smile, “I’d like that.”

“Since it’s the weekend, how does tomorrow afternoon sound?” Sitting up straight, he smiled more at my nod:

“Tomorrow afternoon is perfect. It’s a date.”

“Sweet, I’ll come pick you up then,” He leaned over to give me a hug that I melted right into, a flustered mess when he kissed my cheek before sitting back down and starting up his bike, winking before he took off:

“See you tomorrow, Y/N.”

[thesungod]

Hello I would like your opinion and all possible spoilers for will nico book pls I don’t want to read it but I wanna catch up 🙏

hello anon! prepare yourself for my unadulterated, raw opinion and be warned: it’s not pretty.

BIG SPOILERS AND HARSH HARSH NEGATIVITY UNDER THE CUT please don’t read if you don’t enjoy hating and being mean let yourself have fun if you liked the book <33

So.

Let’s start with this: I had the BEST INTENTIONS about this book. Yeah, I bullied the preview like anyone else, but I had really been intrigued by Nico’s dream sequence and I do love, despite everything I say, Solangelo. Nico has been one of my favourite characters for my entire life and I have wanted a book about him ever since I was 12.

You see how much was at stake for me to enjoy this book?

And I didn’t.

I didn’t, because this book SUCKS.

First of all 1) This shit was boring. Like, I’m sorry. Believe me, it breaks my heart to say something like that because Nico?? BORING??

But yeah. I dare anyone to tell me something actually meaningful that happens in the first half of the book. Will getting coffee on his shirt? The Percabeth pep talk? (And I’m quoting). The infinite, repetitive dream sequences that did nothing for me because they were, you know, infinite and repetitive?

There was also constant reiteration of things that had already happened in previous books, both in the form of dreams and flashbacks, both because the authors never let anything be implied or understood by the reader on their own. Every single thought and feeling and past experience of Nico is shouted at us ad nauseam because god forbid we forget loneliness is part of him and he could never be loved and his sister died and and and.

It’s almost like Mark and Rick browsed the online pjo fandom, took a look at all the things we like about Nico and said “hey, what if we constantly make him think and say exactly those things with an off-putting self awareness and a dramatic tone? I’m sure people will love that!”

I finally thought we were going somewhere with them getting caught stealing by Persephone (yeah that happens) but it transformed into yet another tirade about love and friendship and how important they are. Which brings me to the second point.

2) Someone put tape in the mouth of every single character in this book. I’m so serious.

How many endless, therapy-talk, this-is-an-adult-speaking-not-a-weird-teenager conversations did we get? I don’t know. A million?

I’m reading a fantasy book. Do I need to be reminded about the importance of healthy boundaries and communication every time I turn the page?

I know, I know. The book is for kids and kids need to learn that friendship is magic and whatever.

But, yk, PJO and HoO and ToA are for kids too and while they have their flaws, I never felt like they were giving me a lecture.

This book was downright insufferable. I didn’t have pure, unadulterated fun for a single moment and it wasn’t because I had outgrown the target, which would have been a much more understandable reason, but because it was so slow and didactic and moralistic and lacked any humor except a couple of forced meta jokes. It was fucking sad.

And that serves me point 3 right on a silver platter.

3) Will and Nico have 0 chemistry and I wanted to beat the shit out of them

Seriously when did these two start hating each other. When did they start giving “why are we together” energy. I don’t get it. What happened.

They were so great in the Tower of Nero. They were fun, and colourful, and dynamic, and different, and teenagers, but also you could see that they were two people going through a lot. It didn’t feel as if Nico’s trauma was cheapened just because he occasionally enjoyed spending time with his boyfriend.

In this book… I mean, we get told they are in love. We get told approximately a million of times.

But what we are shown is two people constantly on the brink of beating each other with sticks. We didn’t get one big explosive stress fight, or the resurfacing of a couple of buried issues, as I expected. What we got was an exhausting death by a thousand cuts where Nico was angry at Will for breathing (seriously, count how many times the words annoyed or irritated are said about Nico in regards to his boyfriend) and Will apparently doesn’t understand Nico at all after a year of dating.

Basically, Nico is constantly mad at Will because Will doesn’t like the Underworld and never fails to make it known, while the Underworld is Nico’s home, and that could have been a kind of potentially interesting point of conflict if it hadn’t become draining at page 20. Was it realistic? I mean, I guess!! But that doesn’t mean I wanted to see that shit the entire time.

This was an urban fantasy book for middle schoolers!!! I wanted to have fun!! I didn’t have fun!!!

How could anyone ever have fun with a 400 page long account of two idiot teenagers getting on each other’s nerve with the occasional therapy communication-kiss-therapy communication-kiss interlude? NOT ME.

If that’s you, good for you, truly. But how is this Percy Jackson? Percy Jackson built an empire on being funny and cheeky in an effortless way and ToA followed suit, no matter what personal gripe one may have against the series. HoO is a bit of a wild card, but it was never close to being this flat and depressing. Not. Even. Close.

And as if two protagonists who I used to love being a giant pain in my ass wasn’t enough, the meager plot one can occasionally find between a dream sequence and a flashback and a stupid argument and a conversation about how humanity is love or whatever isn’t even compelling or engaging.

4) And are the interesting new characters in the room with us, Rick?

The only bad guy of the book is Nyx. Nyx is bad because she’s Darkness. She was born Bad and will die Bad and she’s Baddy McBad.

But don’t worry if the villain underwhelms you, because we will meet new interesting characters too!

… yeah, no.

We won’t.

Again. This is a kids’ book.

But. Have we forgotten Percy Jackson is for middle to high schoolers? Like, I know of people enjoying it well into their 20s because it’s nice fun. When did it become for 2 year olds?

Let’s leave aside the fact that Nyx’s motive makes little sense (no worries anon, we will be talking about this later) because there’s no way she cares this much about Nico Di Angelo. Not even I care this much about Nico Di Angelo and he’s been my entire personality ever since I was eleven. Be fucking for real. You’re not that guy, pal.

Any other character who’s not Nyx that is shown is sweet and kind and is changing and is in love and has been to therapy and loves other people. I could have vaguely accepted this (honestly, ToA often worked on a very similar premise), if it hadn’t meant making every single person or monster or whatever Will and Nico meet painfully boring. Literally fucking blank states.

I spent the whole book begging for Apollo to show up just so that someone could admit to drowning his ex in a bathtub and make a sex joke immediately after, because no one else was doing anything remotely cool whatsoever.

Even Persephone and Hades became Disney characters and wistfully raved about the power of love. What. The. Fuck.

It’s so wrong because ToA did the whole “love is everywhere, humans (and creatures) are cool” thing so much better while its characters still managed to have a personality, or were at the very least funny, and some were even villains.

This was all so blah.

Okay, now. Prepare yourself anon. Get a seat. Get a drink.

5) The finale.

Super short summary: Nyx wants Nico Di Angelo to live in Tartarus with her because Nico is special and unique and no one is like him. She makes babies out of his worst nightmares and traumas (because she can… do that, I guess?) and tries to guilt him into staying.

Yeah I know that this is weird as fuck but stay with me.

Nico Di Angelo is special and unique and has the power of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic on his side, so he tells her to fuck off AND keeps the trauma babies, without any sacrifice required at all. If you’re asking yourself what role Will has in this, it’s zero. Zilch. He was literally useless for the actual plot, but we’ll get to that later.

After escaping Tartarus with Bob, Small Bob, Will and trauma babies, Nico finds out this entire thing has been plotted by Hades, who faked a whole prophecy to send his own son back to Tartarus and save Bob, because he knew Nico could do it and he loves Bob or whatever. Hades also hugs Nico and tells him he’s proud of him because he’s special and unique, and for some incomprehensible reason that I’m still attempting to concoct Nico doesn’t kick his ass for it.

He re-traumatised Nico just to get Bob out of Tartarus (because his voice was bothering him or whatever) but… I guess that’s okayyy?

I’m not going to comment any further on Nyx and trauma babies because frankly it’s just plain weird. Like I don’t even know what to say, except that it seems kind of far-fetched for a primordial goddess to do all that for Some Guy. I do have something to say against the Some Guy, though.

6) Someone sucker punch Nico, please.

Never have I ever seen a character act like such a dumb asshole for the entire run of a book while somehow being worshipped for being the Best Person Ever.

You know what was great about Nico? The fact that the books weren’t constantly yelling at you that HE IS GOOD HE IS GOOD HE IS GOOD HE IS GOOD LOOK AT HIM BEING GOOD DOING A THANKLESS JOB BECAUSE HE’S GOOD. You just kinda had to put 2 and 2 together. He acted like he wanted nobody and cared for nobody but we, the readers, called bullshit because everything he did went against that narrative. And when he was outed in HoH, we all said “oooooh”. Him loving Percy made so much more sense than him hating Percy, because his actions spoke louder than his words.

He was a kid, and he was going through it, but he was never completely won over by the bad side because he cared too much about people, even when they didn’t care about him. To quote myself, Nico has never won the idgaf war.

Well, in this book he won the idgaf war. He treated Will like shit, which we’ll attribute to nerves. His thoughts about dead people desperately looking for redemption or release were disturbingly unsympathetic, and he just did things without ever thinking of the consequences for others.

To be fair, this wasn’t a total 180 for him: Nico was previously shown to be touchy and defensive (hence the being mean to Will, who occasionally makes the grave mistake of expressing a thought that isn’t overwhelmingly positive on the literal worst place on the planet), cold (him killing Bryce and Octavian etc) and impulsive. Character flaws, we love them!!

Except that the final moral of the book is that Nico is The Best Person Ever Who Never Asked For Anything In Return For His Whole Complete Goodness And Now Gets An Army Of Little Trauma Babies Who Worship Him.

Ummm… Nico canonically commited murder? Hello?

Sure, he was never Bad, and Love Was In His Heart and all, but the entire point of his character arc was deciding that love was enough. Nico has, again and again, flirted with the bad guys, and been sketchy. He’s not PJO’s Jesus, and this last minute treatment of him was so weird.

We all wanted Nico to have a Win™️ , but it could have been anything less on the nose (NICO IS SO GREAT GUYS OMG) and it still would have been fine.

Also just… idk there’s something that rubs me the wrong way about pretending that pre-tsats Nico was trauma trauma trauma pain pain pain. Life is complex. Nico was a character that happened to go through things, not a character that things happened to with nothing else going for him.

What about Will, though? Well…

7) Will, get behind me.

Is he dumb? Yes.

Does he understand Nico perfectly? No.

Do I like him? The jury is out.

But he did not deserve this slander. Like, omg. He spent the book getting bullied and being useless in battles because he’s not a fighter and Tartarus makes Apollo’s kids weak (wow who would have thought!).

Nico made him cry, for fucks’ sake. A full on sob cry. Admittedly he had acted foolishly but damn.

He’s just a silly little guy, your honor😭

He also, inexplicably, didn’t expeditiously call his father or his mother or the firefighters or someone to kidnap Hades and flog him, despite the fact that Hades tortured his boyfriend for months and sent them both to Tartarus on a fake prophecy.

On a bright note, his pov was actually pretty okay.

So yeah, anon. This book is a pile of genuinely weird, kinda mean spirited and annoyingly moralistic garbage that created PJO Jesus, gave said PJO Jesus babies (?) shoved a couple of gay jokes in the middle of it as if I wouldn’t notice the rest, unwatered my crops, uncleared my skin, single-handedly managed to kill my PJO fixation that has been going on since middle school in six hours and kicked my dog on top of it.

Thanks for reading.

[xo-lesserafim]

FALLING FOR YOUR SMILE AND EYES

EPISODE 6. BYOB

author’s note: Please enjoy episode 6. Thank you guys so much for 13 followers. I appreciate every single one of you guys<3 Also this is where Falling for your Smile and Eyes doesnt follow the timeline in xo kitty. It also have some of the same stuff as “THE EVENTFUL NIGHT!”

Bold: Korean

Italics: Over the phone.

Both: Korean and over the phone.

Back to masterlist

“Gosh, Min ho. Cant you at least put a shirt on when I’m eating.” I say.

“Hey, it’s not my fault, you can’t handle this.” He says misting his face.

“You’re right, I cant handle.” I say.

“I’m right?”

As I put the mist thing down, i go to his ear and whisper “You’re to bloody hot.”

A few seconds, i jump into this lap, arms around his neck.

“Oh my gosh.” Min ho said.

I put my finger on my shut him up.

We were about to kiss, when..

“AHH.” Min ho screamed.

TIME SKIP

“Alex,Wait!” Kitty said.

I guess she told him about him being our half-brother.

“Are you okay?” She asked.

“I was worried that something bad might have happened since the text silence.”

“ No, yeah It’s all good. Just had a lot going on, you know?“ He said.

“Iguana’s run loose in the Italians’ room. and I’m afraid it’s gonna get turner into a belt if ai don’t find them soon.”

“Plus a lot of midterm prep. Hope you guys have been studying.”

“We have.” I said.

“But, we’re also been busy trying to figure out what my mom saw in Korean Snape.” Kitty said.

“Kitty, you really need to focus on studying.” He says.

“ And Professor Snape was good at the end.”

“Right.” Kitty said.

“But what if we go talk to him, right?”

“Get to know him, and figure him out.”

“Not, now” He said.

“Why? His house is literally right here. We can go together.” Kitty said.

“It’s the whole reason you came here to teach.”

“ I came here to learn about him, to get to know him, to see if I want a relationship with him. I love my dad. The dad who raised me. I don’t need to rush into this.” He said.

“ I get it.” Kitty said.

“But, I know some people that you’ll definitely wanna have a relationship with.”

“My sisters, Our sisters, I was thinking we could FaceTime them.”

“Margot might be frosty at first, but when she-.”

“Kitty, we just can’t upend everyone’s lives.” Professor Finnerty said.

“What if we’re wrong?”

“Well, what if we’re right?” Kitty said.

“Then we’ll be enhancing everyone’s lives.”

“Stop, I know you’re just trying to help, but not everyone’s on your timetable.” He said.

“I have test to organize, and you guys have tests to study for.”

TIME SKIP

“I just wanted to talk with him. and then he said that not everybody is on my timetable.” Kitty said venting.

“So now I’m wondering about professor lee and-.”

“How about instead of fixating on all this Alex drama, we concentrate on what you guys are wearing to Min ho’s madness party?” Q asked.

“I’m not going.” I said.

“I have no reason to go.”

“Same.” Kitty said.

“Why you guys? It’s the event of the year.” Q said.

“Because Dae and Yuri will probably be there.” Kitty said.

“And, I just wanna avoid Min ho.” I said.

“Ever since Chuseok happened. I think I’ve crush on him. No, it was when I met him to welcome party.”

“Andrea, ANDREA!” Q said.

“Huh? Was I zoning out?” I asked.

“Yea. anyway Yuri is will be there. She’s Djing”

“Dae never goes to these things, so you don’t have to worry.”

“I’m not worried. I don’t care to spend time with somebody how can’t even acknowledge a meaningful gesture.” Kitty said.

“Here we go.” Q and I said.

I always hated the fact that Kitty was always venting, but I never got to.

I just always hated how I was in the shadow of her.

I mean, she always had dad’s attention. And Margot, and Lara Jean’s.

I just, wished I was i the spotlight for once.

“He didn’t even say thank you for the necklace.” Kitty said.

“Not even an emoji.”

“The necklace was our mom’s. I gave it to Dae when his mom died.”

“Okay, while so I would love to sit here and talk about this again, I think I would rather shove a pair of scissors in my ears.” Q said.

“I mean this whole week, we’ve been hearing is, Dae, necklace, Yuri, Alex, necklace, Alex, Yuri, Dae, necklace. I said.

“You’re like a robot that’s malfunctioning, stuck on a loop.”

“And you came here to have new experiences and live your life.”’Q said.

“You know what Min ho’s Madness Party is?”

“A new experience.”

“Ugh, Gosh. I can’t believe I was just about to stay in on a Friday night, pouting about a boy.” Kitty said.

“Well, you can do that. I need to study.” I say.

“Come on Andrea, I’ll give you twenty bucks.” Q says showing me a 20 dollar bill.

“Deal.” I said as he gave me it.

TIME SKIP: THE PARTY.

MIN HO’s POV.

I saw this girl walk in with a black, off the shoulder, mesh dress.

I mean I to say she looked really good.

“Who are you?” I thought.

When Kitty and Q came up to talk to her and she turned around.

ANDREA?

“No!” I said.

“No, no, no. Oh, my eyes! It’s like looking directly into the sun.”

ANDREA’s POV

“Hey you look at Drea, looking good.” Q said.

“You look so good.” Kitty said.

“Thanks, I actually made it myself!” I said.

“You’re a clothes and maybe a fashion designer?” Q asked.

“Yea! It’s what I do when I’m not studying, or doing my other hobbies.” I said.

“But anyway. Let-the-party-that-already- started get started!” I say as I maintain eye contact with MIN HO?

Why was he looking me?

“I told you, everyone is gonna lose their mind.” Q said.

“Yea, but I think they were looking at Kitty.” I say.

“Yea,totally.” Kitty said.

“Whatever.”’I say.

“Dae’s here.” Kitty said.

As we got mocktails, which sadly had no alcohol. But luckily Florian’s French.

“To new experiences!” I say.

“Let’s do this!” I say.

“Oh, Ah-ri!” Eunice coming up to me.

“Ah-ri?” They said.

“Yea! It’s a nickname Min ho came up with when I was talking with him one time.”

“There’s is someone I want you to meet. Meet Geon.” Eunice said.

“Hi! I’m Ah-ri or. Andrea!”

“Hi, I’m Geon.” He said.

“Here, let’s go get something to drink.”

“All right.”

We started talking, laughing at some jokes made, but then it started to go back.

“You know, sometimes I can’t believe Kitty is your sister, I mean I think she had the bad genes from your parents.” He said.

“Excuse me?” I said.

“Why did you even say that? “Are you saying that I’m better because I’m prettier? So what? In my opinion it’s all about the inside, and the outside. Plus why would you say that to her twin sister?” I said leaving him.

I decided to walk around, dance here and there but then I saw it.

Min ho and Madison were making out.

I found Q and Florian.

“I’m so sorry I have homework I need to finish. I’ll be back when I done.” I say running out.

I’ve had enough Min ho and Kitty. I just can’t handle being or living with them.

“Hi! Is this Jenny Song?” I asked.

“Yes! Hi Andrea do you need something?”

“This is so random but, can I live with you?”

“What, i’m yea sure. What happened anyway.”

“It’s a lot to explain but I’ll send you my location.”

“Alright sounds good.”

“Thank you.”

As I packed up, I told the dorm receptionist thanks, and I left.

“Thank you for letting me live with you.” I say.

“No problem, so tell me what happened.”

I explained to her about Min ho and Kitty, how I like him and how I hate always living in her shadow

“ Anyway do you remember the offer you gave me?” I said.

“I would love to join your company”

As we made it to the house I was shocked.

“The third floor was for guest but it’s yours now. I also have a music room full of instruments, an ice skating rink, a dance room,-.”

And a lot more that I could comprehend. But most the things were on the third floor at least.”

“Thank you so much.” I say.

I checked my phone as I got a notification.

I am going to have a lot to explain next time I see Q.

PREV EPISODE MASTERLIST MIN HO’s POV

TAGLIST: @chaewon-slays @cherrriesss

Copyrights © 2023 xo-lesserafim. All rights reserved. I do not own XO, Kitty , Netflix does. do not copy, translate, or repost anything without my permission.

[creature-phases]

Backslide Analysis

I want to preface this analysis by saying that Backslide is about two things, one more so than the other. Surface level it is about Tyler being afraid of his career with Twenty One Pilots failing.

On a deeper level, it is about the cycle of depression. Here’s the fun thing about clinical depression, it does not go away. Sure you can heal, get better, and learn how to manage it so it isn’t so overwhelming, but it never truly disappears. I’m sure I’m not alone in saying that when you have depression there is a fear that you will slip back into your worst moments.

This is something I think Josh captures well with the music video. When he posted it to his Instagram he put the caption “This song is really meaningful to me.” If I had to guess I’d say Tyler probably laid out the album and let Josh pick whatever track he wanted. Probably with the exception of Next Semester since Tyler knew what he wanted to do with that one.

I’d wager that this is either Josh’s favorite song on the album or the one that spoke to him the most or likely both.

One last thing. Twenty One Pilots has always been a way for me to deal with my own mental health issues. When I pick apart their lyrics it is with heavy bias towards myself. There is a overlay of “if I wrote this this is what I would have meant”.

Anyway onto the analysis

[Intro]

I don't wanna

[Verse 1]

“Rat race, place to place, adding weight/Tendencies on repeat, innit”

This plays into the cycle of everyday life especially with depression. How it feels like you are just going with the motions and how that begins to weigh on you. This sort of monotony causes you to fall back into old habits, or maybe the fact that you are just going through the motions is the bad habit.

“Benefit from a shoe with no lace”

I’m not confident in what I think this line is saying. My interpretation of this line literally is that having shoes with no laces means there is one less thing you need to do, one less thing to think about, which can be a benefit or a detriment. A less literal interpretation is this line being more sarcastic and it being more like saying he feels like a shoe with no lace. That part of him is missing or that something is wrong. There isn’t a benefit.

“Take the seat with the crease in it”

This goes back into the discussion of cycles and going through the motions. The seat having a crease implies that he sits in that seat a lot. It’s part of the routine. This connects directly the line “Tendencies on repeat, innit”. In both its rhyme and its meaning.

“I don't mind if it's lonely, I don't mind if it's fair/I don't care, you control me, leading me anywhere”

To me, this reads as denial. He does care, a lot actually, but he’s trying not to, or he’s trying to convince his dark thoughts (Blurryface) that he doesn’t care. When you let depression and anxiety control you you try to convince yourself that you’re okay with that. That nothing is wrong.

“I don't wanna backslide to where I've started from/There's no chance I will shake this again”

When I first heard the “I don’t want to backslide” part I thought he meant his career, but the second half of this pre-chorus takes me away from that thought completely. I am of the firm belief this is saying “I am terrified of relapsing because I don’t know if I have the strength to get better again.”

The definition of “backslide” according to Merriam-Webster (yes I’m pulling out all the stops) is to “lapse morally or in the practice of religion” or “to revert to a worse condition”. I’m ignoring the religion aspect because I personally do not view TOP through a religious lens. I think the fact that this is the specific word choice means this song is very much focused on backsliding in mental health.

“'Cause I feel the pull, water's over my head”

If you listen to Twenty One Pilots you know that Tyler Joseph loves his water references. People have already connected this to the pre-chorus of Fall Away which I do agree with. This song and this album in general seems to be a love letter to everything that came before it.

Have you ever been caught in a rough wave? Because it is not fun and it can actually be terrifying. This line is about Tyler feeling the tug of old dark thoughts pulling him under the water. People will often describe depression as the feeling of drowning because it is a very apt description.

“Strength enough for one more time/reach my hand above the tide”

Struggling with mental health is exhausting and there are plenty of times where you have the thought “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” You don’t think you have the strength to keep reaching out for anything to grab onto.

“I'll take anything you have/If you could throw me a line/I should've loved you better”

I’m of the firm belief that a big part of this song is Tyler talking to his younger self and Blurryface. I know I’ve seen people say “Oh, ‘you’ is god obviously” which it very well could be, but that just isn’t the case for me.

I relate this to the feeling that my depression is kind of in cahoots with my younger self. I picture it as being willing to take any beating just so you can get out of this one hole. Obviously, no one is at fault for their depression and how that takes away their childhood, but it often feels that way. Like you are personally responsible and your younger self resents you for it.

I think a lot of people hate their younger self. You hear it often people saying “I was so weird back then” or anything like that. But those thoughts just make it all worse. I think in order to heal you need to realize that you often need to love who you were.

I also come at this from the perspective of a trans person. So part of that self hatred comes from that. Hating the fact you didn’t get to grow up as who you actually are. But once again, that isn’t your younger self’s fault. It isn’t your fault either.

“Do you think that now's the time/you should let go?”

This is the response to the previous lines by those dark thoughts. Give up, let the wave drag you down. Aren’t tired, just accept it. Which is then followed by

“It's over my head”

Which implies that Tyler listened.

[Verse 2]

“Bad place, on a hundred-dollar bass/kinda wishin' that I never did "Saturday"

I view this line as being about No Phun Intended. If you’ve listened to that album you know just how dark of a place someone has to be in to write that kind of stuff and sing it the way Tyler did. Also considering that Tyler was a high school student it wouldn’t surprise me if he had a super cheap bass. If not about No Phun Intended then I would say it would be about the Self-Titled album or Regional At Best for very similar reasons.

This connects directly to the idea of not wanting to Backslide. That fear of falling back into your worst moments. Not wanting to be in the headspace he was in when he wrote those songs.

This is then somewhat contradicted by him saying that he sort of wishes he didn’t put out “Saturday”. One thing I will say is I always appreciate Tyler’s sincerity when it comes to regret and anxiety. This is most blantant on Blurryface which makes a lot of sense. Considering this song is sort of the return of Blurryface it is even more appropriate. I’m not a huge fan of Saturday. Not because its “different” to what they usually put out, but I just don’t vibe with the music. It has some great lines but it does admittedly feel too produced.

I think part of this line is showing that the backlash from Scaled and Icy, which is best represented by Saturday, got to Tyler. He is only human. He has been very upfront in saying that he does, in fact, care what people think. This line is actually perfect at encapsulating his anxieties combined with his desire to not go back to a dark place.

Maybe he also feels like he wasn’t true to himself in that song, or that the response to Saturday is part of what caused his fear of backsliding.

“‘Is that a stain? You should change/Are you doin' good?/Did you solve all of your problems?’”

I’m very much of the opinion that the boy at the lemonade stand is meant to represent a younger version of Tyler. I often picture how my younger self would react to me now. I know one of the main questions young me would have would be “did we get better?” Then there is an even younger version of me that has no idea what he’s in for. He would represent “Is that a stain/you should change”. This is obviously referring to the back paint Tyler uses that represents his depression and anxiety. That younger version of him doesn’t know what is in store, so the paint is seen innocently as a stain.

“Thanks for asking, in a way, but/accidentally uncovered a new one yesterday”

Tyler has talked in the past about the cycle of getting better and then falling back. This line most directly connects to what I was talking about in my intro about the fact that depression never really goes away. Life goes on and new problems arise.

“What happened to what I brushed under the rug?”

This alludes to the fact that Tyler never truly solved some of his problems. Instead he just brushed them under the rug, but it didn’t stay under the rug,

“I used to be the champion of a world you can't see/now I'm drowning in logistics”

I’ve seen this connected to both Bandito and Forest as both have a bridge that focuses on Tyler being in control of a world and the destruction of said world. When you have depression you tend to be in your head a lot, and when you are a creative like Tyler, you are in it even more so. I heavily relate to creating worlds inside your head to feel a sense of control. There are ways I could relate this to the lore ™ but I’m not going to for consistency's sake.

The part about drowning in logistics. Creating a world as in-depth and with as many moving part as Tyler did is exhausting. Creating can be exhausting. You can get to a point where you over think it. It all ties back to the fact that Tyler could destroy this world.

“I don't mind if it's lonely (It's over my head)/I don't mind if it's fair (You should let go)/I don't care, you control me (It's over my head)/Leading me anywhere”

The earlier denial is being challenged and their is this sense of giving up.

“I don't wanna backslide”

The outro cycles back into the beginning with the “I don’t wanna-”. The fact that it is also lower and not as audible reflects the defeated nature of the song.

[russilton]

Im new here and i must say that ur blog is a treasure to me (no dramatic). I enjoy ur postings a lot and I admire you sooo much!

It's a fascinating ship BUT sadly not a lot of people have realized this point i may say. and Im wondering when did you start to ship them? (cuz u know, the No1 gewis fan i may say? lol). Like when george came to merc? or even before? or it's like some special moments and everything suddenly clicks?

(feel free to ignore this if you don't wanna answer(but im lookin forward to it 😜)

Well anon you got me blushing at 10am, thank you very much

Wildly, I can give you the exact moment I started shipping it, because I documented it on discord.

See I’d sent @thatsmemate a gif of Bono earlier that day while explaining f1 to her, and she’d said Lewis and Bono looked like they were carnally in love, which to be fair in that gif they absolutely did. Then she went to bed, and I, a man with the flu and access to an ao3 account, did what any normal person does, and went “huh I wonder if there’s fic about Lewis on ao3”

And there sure was (fic is censored because I didn’t end up personally enjoying it but that’s not the authors fault, I just didn’t vibe with top George)

As we can all guess, it did indeed open Pandora’s box, because nobody reads just one fic when they’re sick.

I do truly wonder had my first f1 rpf fic been sewis or galex if I’d be here now- I really don’t know! I can explain to you all the reasons gewis is so vibrant and important and meaningful to me, but I also know I imprint like a duck, and it may have been the fact that it was the first fic I read and I went “well, this is awesome, I would like more” and then when I tried other ships it just… didn’t do anything for me? I mean I was well aware of and still follow the sewis sub reddit but never felt inclined to the fic ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (I also blame @hamiltvn and @danielssmile for having posted fics that knocked me on my ass when I started reading gewis , like can’t argue with quality)

Whatever it was, it clicked with me, and while I tried to go “this is weird they’re real people we can’t read this” I just… kept going back all while watching the races. I’d already gotten SO fond of George at Merc as it was, I was a fan of his before he signed with them, and while I was sad when he was signed over Val, I was also excited as all hell. Val seemed like Merc was taking a huge toll on him, and George was so silly but incredibly committed.

I can also give you the moment it clicked. I was on IG, recommended to me between races, Merc had posted a clip of Lewis interrupting George’s Australia interview to hug him, and George’s face just… wobbles. When he comes back to the interview his lip quivers and he has to take a breath, he looks happy but so very ready to cry… that was it for me, I just sat there and though oh, you adore him, of course you do.

I have shown this clip to so many gewis people who do not feel the same way about it I do, which is fascinating but I spose we can’t decide what our spark is can we? This was just it for me, and it’s only gotten worse seeing George flourish as his own person, he’s not just… chasing Lewis now, but valued as his own person, WHILE still putting Lewis at the centre of his focus and admiration. He’s no longer standing within a shadow- he’s growing out of it while remaining firmly rooted in that emotion of respect.

AND Lewis gives it back hand over fist the more he describes George as the push that helps keep him driving, the more he sees George as an almost equal

I only get more in love with them, even if they frustrate me and their team frustrate me and their fans… sure are loud. They bring me joy.

[welcometojackass2022]

M (the boy) and I got dinner again yesterday and it was LOVELY so here’s an update now that it seems he may actually have feelings for me and is just incredibly scared because he’s never had a relationship before and might be scared of ruining our friendship:

Okay so first off, he doesn’t wanna risk making me go somewhere I don’t like so even when I tell him to pick he’ll still say three or four places and make me pick the one we actually go to. This time I picked a restaurant on our campus and we went there around 7:30! There was a big crowd and he was all nervous so we ordered online, got a table, I grabbed our food for both of us and then when we were filling our drinks and getting ketchup he clung to me like a kid clinging to his mom LMAO. He looked so lost when I went back to our table before he’d grabbed his ketchup. Anyway we sat at the table and talked until 10ish and it was a VERY good time. The energy felt different than usual, like we were closer and more intimate than before and neither of us felt the need to tone ourselves down. One thing about him that really came out yesterday is how unbelievably protective and worried he can get. I mentioned I have a tendency to get dizzy easily and have been exhausted a lot lately and he got concerned and googled anemia symptoms. Turns out I have all but 2 of the main symptoms. At that point he basically BEGGED me to start taking iron supplements and when I made a joke about not wanting to spend money he very sincerely said he’d happily pay for them himself if they’d make me feel better. (I ended up getting them today and he was happy I did!) he was also concerned cuz I’ve lost a lot of weight recently, and because I threw up Saturday morning from nausea due to not eating much the previous days.

He also gets worried for me in emotional ways. I was talking about an ex-friend of mine who’s a guy. M already dislikes this guy cuz he knows he treated me pretty bad and yesterday he really went in on him, saying nothing would ever make him like that guy in the slightest because of how disgusted he is about how he treated me and said how much of a piece of shit that guy is for trying to project a certain image onto me and for lovebombing me and then getting pissed when I just wanted to be friends. It was nice to hear. M’s the only guy who’s never objectified me or made me uncomfortable or insulted me/was mean to me as a “joke”. We discussed childhood hospital visits, us wanting to potentially go on a trip together some time, and how we both want to marry someone who has goals in life and actually wants to do something meaningful. He also complimented my writing skills cuz he knows I want to pursue writing as a career.

Interestingly enough, yesterday was also the first time I’ve ever heard him make dirty jokes! I had mentioned that me and one of my friends love dirty jokes, and after I said that he made a few. One about getting his cherry popped (not literally, he’s more of a Virgin than I am and that’s saying something), one about people who like to be choked, and at one point he said “pussy” which shocked me cuz he won’t even say boobs, he says breasts. It was hilarious, and it was nice to see him be less serious with me than he is with most. I also mentioned that I “test” men to see if they have bad tempers or not, and he asked if I’d ever tested him and sincerely wanted to know if he’d ever done anything to make me worried he had a temper. I told him no, he’s never done anything to worry me (he hasn’t), and he seemed relieved. He also said he’s never been annoyed or frustrated with me, so that’s good. He has a strangely protective vibe, like he wants to take care of me and keep me safe. I like it.

Anyway, after we left the restaurant around 10pm, we walked back towards my building. He knows I love looking at posters around campus, so he purposefully took me on a path with plenty of posters and stopped to look at them with me. Any time I’d stop to look at bugs or pick up a piece of trash, he’d immediately notice I wasn’t walking with him, turn to look for me, and then patiently watch me do whatever I was doing. Then he’d gently ask “all ready?” And I’d nod and walk back over to him and we’d keep walking. Usually we talk in front of his building, but mine was closer, so we stopped and talked there. We had a really funny conversation about tarot cards and zodiac signs where he made a couple of subtle jokes about tarot cards predicting that the two of us would be together or that he had appeared in my dreams (he actually has). We looked at bugs again and talked about whether we want to have our own rooms as married adults or not. At 10:40 he reminded me that I’d mentioned earlier that I had a paper I still needed to turn in by 11:59 (I’d totally forgotten), and then reminded me to take my medicine when I went back to my room. We hugged (super nice hug, I had on a tank top so there was a lot of skin to skin contact and I think the poor guy was a little hard. Plus I could feel his cheek pressed against my shoulder. Also this was in public so people could see us hugging for ten seconds straight lol), said goodnight, and that was that. Very sweet night. Felt good.

[lifenconcepts]

so there are 4 people we will be calling S (my crush), O (my best friend), J (one of my friends) and L (another one of my friends)

with S its pretty easy because she doesn't like me back and I'm not sure if I still like her

O is a bit more complicated because she's my best friend and we sometimes act romantically and shit but I might be overreacting and I do not see her in that way completely

but the problem comes w J and L

because lately J and I have been idk like kissing and cuddling and flirting lately but he says its jokingly but maybe in a future he could end up liking me so gdhvrkb

an L just kinda confessed to me today but she said that she's absolute shit in a relationship and that she doesn't know if she likes me or is just interested in me and that there is a girl that likes her a lot so she doesn't know if she's dating the other girl and doesn't want to cheat or anything

and L and J are in the same friend group so she started her confession (?) with an "I don't wanna ruin what J and you have going on but..." so it's like DGSBDJW because he's not even dating me and ppl already take it as if it would be cheating for me to go out with them :[

what should I doshskdojsdj

Honestly that’s crazy balls but like.. my true and best advice is litterally to not worry about relationships. :,) idk how old you are but usually in the 10-14 range you begin to think that having relstionships is important and what not but I assure you that most connections won’t really blossom into a full blown love, and I’ve seen people passionately admit they are inlove only to fall out after school and shit. If you are made to decide for whatever reason, truly look into the depths of your heart - do you want this? Are you genuinely feeling fulfilled or searching for being able to fit in or fulfil expectations? I ain’t entirely sure on your bonds with your friends but if they’re close enough to be a relationship, then try take baby steps at the very least, and don’t rush anything for sure, things will likely pan out in the way they need to eventually. Silly dreams and fantasises are absolutely wonderful and great but I say don’t think too much on that aspect as they aren’t all too meaningful. I mean, friendships can last ages! I’m still friends with a few people from a whilleeee ago + haunted in my dreams by two, but relationships? Overfuckingrated. Feel free to cuddle and kiss whoever but don’t rush with labels, if you’re unsure, just take it as a no! Take it from me, who was convinced I was hyper sexual before finding out that.. Woopsies! I’m aroace! (Flux) so also like.. don’t take this too seriously, but I’ve got some experience. it’s better to miss out in an opportunity than to dwell in an unwanted one and wonder how to get out of it. TRUST ME it ain’t worth it to try force yourself to do anything! Trust your gut, and if you’re genuinely unsure and confused, then just don’t do anything. Forget about what others expect or think of you, you ain’t living for them! Especially when it comes to something as intimate as a partner, only you and they get to decide what goes on, not some third party.