#i don’t think i saw that many twice either honestly…

[starbuck]

really gotta hand it to the mountain goats because i’ve seen them three times now and, between all three performances, they’ve played 57 unique songs! that’s a lot of setlist diversity!

[mrsmikaelsxn]

Flower Crowns

masterlist

pairing: harry potter x female reader

warnings: kissing, jily 2.0, fluff, flirty harry

summary: you were quite popular among the wizards and witches in the school, you had many admirers but none of them were like harry potter

a/n: harry would honestly be such a perfect boyfriend

song: i was made for lovin’ you - kiss

It was your sixth year at Hogwarts, today was your first day back after summer. Seated at the Slytherin table with some of your friends, you were in a conversation about what everyone did over the summer. 

As you were about to tell them about the trip you took, you hear a throat being cleared from behind you. You turn around as your friends look up and roll there eyes. 

“Hello, darling,” Harry grins while plopping himself on the bench with little room next to you.

“Potter,” you nod looking him over.

“How is it you’ve gotten even more beautiful over the summer,” he sighs dreamily. Your friends moved down the table more since they were tired of this routine. You look at them with betrayal as they just smile and shrug. 

“What is it you came over here for?” you dont know why you bother asking at this point, you already know whats coming. 

“Well, love, I came to ask you if you would go out with me this weekend,” he winks. You glace over his shoulder to see a Hermione sighing and a grinning Ron. 

“Sorry, Potter, but I’m going to have to decline your offer,” you said looking back at him. He’s use to you saying no, like how it has been for the past four years. He still trys all the time, he has never done anything with another person either. He is so set on you being for him that he is disgusted at the thought of being with anyone else that isn’t you. 

In the summer before second year, he went back home and told his parents about you. He would somehow have a way to bring you up everyday, while he blushing thinking about you. James would always grin at Lily while lifting his eyebrows up and down. She would roll her eyes as James starts to tell him about how to get you to take interest in him. 

Taking his dads advice, he would buy you little things at least twice a week, give you compliments every time he saw you, and many more things. 

One time during fourth year, he saw you walking around alone at the Quidditch World Cup. You were in a somewhat long silk green dress that complimented your body perfectly. You had some light makeup and your hair styled back.  He told the Weasleys and Hermione to go on and that he would joining them in a few minutes. 

“Hi, sweetheart,” Harry greets you while letting his eyes roam all over you in adoration. You glance over at him, taking in his messy hair and him in general. You would be lying if you were to say that he was not attractive, anyone could see that. 

“Potter, how are you?” 

“I'm perfect after seeing you, you look stunning” he smiles.

You blushed and looked away trying to hide your light pink cheeks. Although he most definitely saw, he felt like the happiest person ever. This was the first time he was able to make you blush.

“Thank you, I suppose you don’t look bad yourself,” you tell him while the corners of your mouth lift up a bit. 

He could have fainted right there, he started to stutter as he wasn’t expecting that. 

“I best be off, Potter. My family is waiting for me, I’ll see you soon,” you wave at the blushing boy as you start walking back. 

“I- uhm- brilliant!” That day he went to back to the Weasley’s tent as he told them about what happened. They all teased him about his massive crush as was still in a daze. It was truly astonishing how one sentence from you could lead him to act like this. 

Another time was last year, fifth year, when you had gotten detention with Umbridge. You were walking back to the common room with tears stinging your eyes. Umbridge had you stay much longer than you thought because of your “innappropriote behavior”. Apparently, speaking the truth is innappropriote now. As you were turing you almost crashed into someone. You look up to see a worried Harry Potter looking down at you. 

“I’m sorry, Potter. Excuse me,” you excuse yourself trying to go around him. Before you can, he gently grabs your waist and turns you to face him again. 

“Hold on, darling. Why are you crying, did something happen?” 

You couldn’t hold in the pain anymore. You started crying while grabbing onto Harry. His arms quickly wrapped around your waist. 

“Shh, love. Tell me whats wrong,” he whispers while using one hand to play with your hair. 

“I- um- had detention, with Umbridge,” he looks confused so you take a step back an slowly hold your left arm out. 

He was still confused for a second before looking at your hand. He was fuming, he saved his anger for now and decided to comfort you right now. He also felt such sadness that anyone would hurt an angel like you. 

“She did this to you?” he asked while sounding like he was about to cry. You nod, with some tears still streaming down your face. Oh how we wished he was able to kiss them away. 

“Come on love, I’ll take you to Hermione… she is much better at healing spells than me,” he informs you while gently pulling you towards the Gryffindor common room.

It was pretty late, so the room was empty when you both arrived. Except for Ron and Hermione who were arguing on the couch. They never had anything against you, even though you were a Slytherin, you had never participating in any of the bullying that a lot of other Slytherins did. You even scolded Malfoy when he called Hermione a Mudblood. 

Since that day you became somewhat friends with the girl, ignoring the looks of disgust from others in your house. 

When the two gryffindors looked up and saw you crying with distraught Harry, their argument quickly ended as they rushed over to you both.

“What happened, y/n? Harry?” Hermione says worridly. 

You tell them what happened, and they were just as mad as Harry. They tried to get rid of the writing on your hand but it would not go away. So Hermione decided she would just take the pain away for now. You thanked her with a hug and said goodnight as her and Ron went to their rooms. 

You turned to Harry and noticed how close your faces were, you glanced down at at his lips almost leaning in when you heard a bang from the dormitory making you both jump. 

“I- uh- should get back. Thank you, Potter,” you smile, quickly giving him a peck on the cheek before rushing out and leaving you both a blushing mess. 

Harry was left standing there as he lifted his hand to his red cheeks where your lips were. “What a girl,” he mumbled walking up the stairs. 

Back to present times, Harry got back up from his seat and looked down to you. “I’ll suppose I’ll have to try again tommorow, pretty,” he grins walking back to his seat. 

You blush lightly before picking up your things to head to your first class. The professor ended up assigning seats, and to Harrys luck, he was partnered with you for the year. 

“It’s meant to be, love,” he says as he leans back into his seat. 

“You wish, Potter,” you smile at him. 

“Yes, I do wish,” he grins looking at your eyes. 

After a long day of beginning of the year speeches, you were finally able to plop onto your bed and sleep. You look over to your friend, Daphne Greengrass, she was one of the only tolerable Slytherins in your opinion. 

“It’s adorable how much Potter loves you,” she laughs laying in bed. 

“Pfft, don't be ridiculous Daphne. He doesn't love me,” you shake your head. 

“He looks at you like you’re the only person in the world,” she giggles.  

“Hm”

You decided to drop the conversation, you closed your eyes and fell asleep. Later the next day, you were in the forbidden forest. Around a year ago, you found a place with a pretty flower field that was closed off. You come here often, as far as you know, you’re the only one who knows about it. 

You started to weave a flower crown out of a few lovely flowers you picked. You finished it and put it on as you hear meows from behind you. You turn around a squeal as you pick up the kitten and started to play with her (you checked the gender). 

You were unaware of Harry who was on his was to you after using the Mauraders Map to find you. He finally found you and his heart melt as he saw you giggling with a meowing kitten that licked your face as you lay in the field. 

You heard walking and sat up only to find yourself looking at the boy who has been on your mind a lot recently. 

“Oh! Hi, Harry, I didn’t expect you to come here,” you say. 

“Harry?” he asks you, trying to suppress a smile.

“Thats your name, is it not?” you laugh. 

“I suppose it is. Mind if I sit?” you nod, as you sit together in silence that was unexpectedly comfortable. 

Harry couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of you. 

“I really do fancy you,” Harry mumbles.

You turn to look at him, “I know… maybe I fancy you a bit as well,” you say, bringing your fingers up to show a pinch. 

“Really?” Harry asks leaving closer to you. 

“Really,” you whisper as you move so close your lips are brushing. You look into see his eyes and notice how pretty they are. 

“You’re perfect,” he whispers against your mouth as he connects his to yours. You both close your eyes as you kiss back and reach your hands into his hair. For the first minute it was sweet, before it started to become more passionate. You bring your leg over his and straddle him without disconnecting your lips. It was pure bliss.

You tug his hair getting a groan from him as his tongue swipes against your bottom lip, asking for permission. You happily comply and open your mouth, letting him explore your mouth, and you his. You gently pull his hair back and kiss down his neck and jaw. You leave many butterfly kisses. In between the kisses he whispers some small compliments, making you smile against his neck. You find his sweet spot and lightly suck on it, making him whimper, and leaving a beautiful hickey.  He says some praises bring heat to your face. He kisses your cheeks, “I love making you blush,” he smiles. 

“Oh hush, Potter,” you get off his lap. He groans but you decide its better to stop now before things get more heated. 

“Is it alright if I make you a flower crown? I think it would look rather good on you,” you asks with a sheepish smile.

“Of course, love”

He lays his head on your lap as you make the crown, you finish after about four minutes. It was somewhat hard for you to focus when you could feel Harrys gaze on you, but you tried your best to ignore it. 

“Andddd… done!” Harry sits up and you place it on his head. 

“You look pretty,” you smile pecking his lips. A light pink coats his cheeks. He honesty has never been so happy, he adores you so much that you are 90% of what he talks about. It was such a pain for his friends to have to listen to his rants about your “angelic beauty,” as he puts it. 

“Thank you, angel,” he says. 

“I think we should head back now, dinner alreader started,” you say standing up, also taking the kitten with you. You both walk hand in hand, you grinning at the kitten asleep in your arms, and both of you forgetting about the flower crowns on your heads. You both keep up a good conversation throught the walk.

You stroll into the great hall with Harry as it goes silent. Then there was a chorus of gasps as they take in your guys hand held together, both of your somewhat messy hair, swollen lips, and the hickey on Harrys neck. You step away from him and you head towards your friends, you could hear most boys wolf whistling, some scowling at Harry. Many girls were also glaring at you out of jealousy. 

You look at the staff table and see Dumbledore wink at you, making you raise your eyebrows. You also see Snape hand over some galleons to McGonagall. 

“I’m happy for you, Harry,” Hermione smiles, glancing at Ron as she kicks his leg. 

“Oh- yeah! Good going, mate,” he smirks as he pats his back.

The next day Harry asked you if you would be his girlfriend. You nodded with a smile and gave him a soft kiss.

[jeonscatalyst]

I just realized today after thinking about things long and hard that most of the hate Jimin gets today especially within the fandom is because of his bond with Jungkook. When I say it is because of Jungkook I don’t mean that Jungkook himself caused it, I mean that Jimin being associated to Jungkook, having a bond with him, loving him and being loved by him is the one of the biggest reasons he gets all the hate he gets today.

The very first people who started with this insane hate against Jimin were taekookers who developed a hate boner for him and started sending him death threats as early as 2015 because according to them Jimin kept coming in between their ship. Things got go much worse for Jimin after GCF in Tokyo and after 2017 in general as we all saw a huge increase in Jikook moments (because they were together alot and not because the company was pushing a narrative that they were the closest) and a huge decline in taekook moments which made the cult go feral. That is when the vitriol and vile hate we see these people have for Jimin started.

Whether they want to admit it or not, majority of Taehyung’s fans within the fandom are taekookers or were at some point and that led them to hate him too and that hate continued even after some of them stopped shipping taekook and became solo stans.

Jungkook solos always had a hate boner for Jimin and I believe this is because they saw and still see what most of us see in Jikook and it makes them extremely uncomfortable and that is why they constantly project unto Jungkook by claiming that Jimin makes him uncomfortable and that Jungkook hates Jimin and that’s why they don’t like him but the truth is that, they are the ones who felt uncomfortable watching Jimin and Jungkook interact. Something about Jimin and Jungkook’s bond always felt “weird” to them and they could sense the things jikookers feel when they see Jikook interact and seeing as most Jk’s stans are Y/Ns who picture themselves with him and most of them are deeply homophobic, it makes sense that they would have a huge problem with Jimin. I mean they know about Jimin having his mouth on Jk’s neck long enough to leave bruises. They know about Jimin’s sweaty earlobes being in Jk’s mouth. They know about Jungkook choosing to spend many a nights with Jimin doing “nothing” so it makes sense why they are uncomfortable.

Without Jungkook in Jimin’s life, there would be no taekookers to hate on him, no Tae solos (ex taekookers) to hate on him and no JK solos to hate on him either.

We also wouldn’t have blinks so desperately hating on Jimin because we know that a good number of Jk solos are blinks who token stan Jk just to hate on Jimin and other members.

Me specifically speaking about the hate Jimin gets because of his affiliation to Jungkook doesn’t mean Jungkook also doesn’t get hated because of his bond with Jimin but everyone knows that the hate Jimin gets is tripple what Jungkook gets. Stan tweet in particular seems to have it out for Jimin and I honestly don’t understand why. They look for the least opportunities to hate on him and mass like hate posts about him and in those posts, we see all the other idiots like taekookers, jjks, tae solos and other solos who hate Jimin more than they love their own faves because they don’t mind liking and even rting a post from a hater who has also hated on one of their faves so long as that person is dragging Jimin.

So many times I have seen people say Jimin’s solo stans are the worst solo stans but I can honestly say that Jk solo stans are the worst and it baffles me how two people can love each other so much and yet have the nastiest fans who are at each other’s throats every single day. I say Jk solo stans are the worst because they are manipulative, deception and pure evil. Don’t get me wrong, PJMs are a piece of work but they haven’t gotten to that level of evil yet in my books. Jjks are evil set of people. This fandom and the entire kpop community never think twice about any rumors that concern Jimin as they eat it up no questions asked, JJKs know this and they use it to their advantage. I have seen these people fake tweets, websites, messages and so many other things and spread them around just to “prove” that Jimin’s success is fraudulent because they cannot stand the fact that Jimin is the only member who can compete with Jk. They have single handedly created and spread the narrative that Jimin is fraudulent. After Jimin released his album they faked a tweet from one of the biggest Jimin funds accounts claiming that PJMs sent phones to the US to stream for Jimin. Before you ask me how I know they faked it let me tell you. JJKs would rather die than have Jimin break any of Jk’s records so if they could boost streams by sending phones to the US, JJks would have been the first ones to do it. They made up a fake tweet and spread it around and no one questioned it’s authenticity and even when the account denied it, no one cared. First of all who is stupid enough to do something like that and make a tweet about it? JJKs also created a fake account pretending to be a Jimin solo and threatened to leak Jk’s passport information a few weeks back and even though it was clear that they did it, no one batted an eye and jimin solos took the blame. Jjks/tkkrs have faked two gcs now (that we know of ) and tried to pin in on jkkrs. One happened right before Jimin’s album dropped (after we got Tteokbokki By Jk) and then the next one happened after AYS episode 6.

This is why I say these people are pure evil because I have seen Jimin solos do and say some messed up things against Jk but not up to the level of JK solos. They throw stones every damn time and hide their hands and Jimin takes the fall for it. They fake articles about him and his family, about his numbers, his success and the sad part is, they have way of getting the media to pick up on their bullshit.

Tae solos (ex taekookers) are just lazy. No offense to Taehyung’s beautiful soul but most of his fans don’t give a tiny rats ass about anything but his face. They don’t care about the music he makes, about his art. They are so quick to like and view and follow his accounts everywhere but when it comes to streaming his songs and actually supporting him, they don’t do it and because of that, they lash out at Jimin and call his fraudelent because they could never believe that Jimin whom they always considered inferior to Tae would get better streaming numbers than him. They spent years believing that the number of likes and followers someone has on social media equals success and when reality hit them in the face, they couldn’t accept that they were wrong but resorted to accuse Jimin of being fraudelent. How does hating on another person’s success make you succeed?

Taekookers, Jjks, and Tae solos (ex taekookers) have made all sorts of rumors about Jimin. They have accused him of sleeping with bang pd for favors (Jimin solos have done the same thing to Jk btw), they have accused Jimin of selling himself to pdogg and the other producers for favors. They have accused Jimin of being jealous of Jk and Tae. And the funny thing is, because these people hate Jimin so much and are desperate to bring him down, they choose to believe any negative thing they see about him whether it makes sense to them or not. Someone could post an article tomorrow claiming that Jimin is Donald Trump’s lover and you will see that post having over 100k likes with people agreeing to it even though they know it isn’t true. No one cares about the truth when it comes to Jimin, they just care about having a reason to drag him and most of this is because Jimin met a doe eyed boy over a decade ago and loved him.

No one would have cared about hating Jimin this much if he wasn’t a part of Jungkook’s life. Taekookers, tae solos, jjks wouldn’t have had this deep hate for Jimin if Jimin didn’t love Jungkook and if Jungkook didn’t love Jimin too and this is one of the reasons why Jimin and Jungkook just never made sense to me as platonic friends. There has got to be a reason why them together drives people so crazy and if their love and feelings for each other was just at the level of bestfriends, things would never have been this bad. If taekookers really didn’t see and fear something about jikook’s bond, they wouldn’t hate him so much or spend almost all their time talking about him on their blogs. Taekookers on tumblr can barely go a single day without bringing Jimin up on their blogs. Some Tae fans on tumblr can barely go a single day without bringing him up and talking about his success and work and then we have JJKs who are quite literally obsessed with Jimin and then Jimin solos obsessed with Jk. If JJks didn’t feel the tension between Jikook they wouldn’t project their discomfort and hate unto Jk so much.

Regardless of whether what Jimin and Jungkook have is platonic or not, I think it says alot that how they feel for each other brings them so much hate alone and together. I think it says alot that despite all these hate they have gotten for years, they just keep getting stronger. I think it says alot that millions of people cannot stand the ground Jimin walks on just because he has Jungkook in his life. Whether people choose to admit it or not, they feel the strong bond Jikook have and for some reason this frightens them.

No one breaks into an empty house. No one puts so much effort into something that isn’t relevant so usually when a whole lot of people are doing everything in their power to break or bring something down, it is usually because they see and fear it’s power. No one would care about hating on Jimin so much if they really thought Jk hated him. No one would care about discrediting his success so much of they really thought he was irrelevant, no one would try to make him the villain so much, if they didn’t see the beauty of his soul and no one would try so hard to dim his light if they only saw darkness.

It breaks my heart that their love for each other is one of the biggest things that brings them hate but there is some weird satisfaction I get from knowing that their bond is strong, deep and obvious enough to get this many people trying to destroy them individually and together. No great person ever had it easy. No one who made history ever went through life without getting stones thrown at them so I take this to mean that Jimin and Jungkook are meant for the greatest things. When people see your grace and the bright future ahead of you, they try to break your wings before you even realize you can fly but the good thing is, they always, always fail.

[lawofangie]

Hello. I just saw your post about your manifestation journey while struggling with depression and I’ll probably just be another rant about “how difficult it is to manifest”, but honestly I just want to talk a little bit.

I’m at work right now. I’m a trainee in a law office and my relationship with my boss is deteriorating gradually.

While I was at school, I would always think that I would be happier at a job, because I like to feel useful and competent. But now that I have a job, I just feel miserable.

I already received complaints twice about “being distracted” and “not doing my best”, which came as shocking because I’ve been doing my best. I have two bosses and while one looks like she really appreciates me, the other one might be the contrary.

I always fails to do what she wants me to do.

So I have been having really tiresome dreams. I had one where they asked me to type a document and after a while it turns out it was a “you are fired document” and asked me to sigh it.

They laughed and said that “I wasn’t doing enough” and “I wasn’t attending my classes at college” which I WAS but it didn’t matter.

I actually can’t imagine my life better. It’s like my mind just blocks it from me. I feel like I can’t delude myself even if that’s what I want the most.

I really want to just escape and live happily but I just feel trapped and miserable. I think I can predict what you are going to advice me but…I just don’t know what to do. I’m scared.

this is actually kind of relatable. i've felt similarly at many points in my life, i struggled to function, i thought external things would make me happy, applying the law was difficult. i couldn't imagine my life any better either. i understand where this is coming from, i'll try to give less generic advice, but i'm going to be brutally honest, and, this still won't be anything special. its important to remember that regardless of what i say here, manifestation is still just assuming you have your desire and persisting in that fact.

anyways, it honestly gets to a point where you have to realize that you're just wasting your time feeling trapped and scared. you're doing yourself a disservice. no one and nothing can save you, nor is anything or anyone going to. as unfortunate as your circumstances are, you have to do it yourself.

you have to take what you want and prioritize that above how you feel, anyone's made you feel, and how anyone feels about you. your life is meant to revolve around you and no one else. its YOUR life for a reason.

you SHOULD NOT waste the best years of your life being miserable, feeling like a failure, like a victim, like you can't change, like you're trapped like this forever when that's completely illogical. everyone and everything changes. people change in age, appearance, personality, sexuality, preferences, etc. it's physically impossible to be incapable of change unless you're not alive. people change all the time.

you genuinely do not have the time to be so self loathing and miserable, not when you're going to literally grow old one day. and according to those who've made it there already, that day comes fast. do you want to look back at your life at 80 and see what you wasted it doing? when all this information was right in your face? when all you had to do was take a chance and have some faith in yourself?

changing yourself isn't impossible, you're just too scared to assume anything good about yourself, perhaps because you've gotten so used to being miserable. "changing yourself", by the way, just so we're clear, simply means to assume something new about yourself. for example, you already believe you are a failure, and to change would be to simply assume you're successful. that's quite literally it. you just believe in something without physical proof, that's assuming. we assume all the time. you're just assuming about yourself now. the law is extremely simple to utilize, but it's the simplicity that leads to people overcomplicating it themselves.

also, delusion is, by definition, a false belief that is resistant to change, even when presented with evidence that it is not true. an assumption, by definition, is a belief that is taken as true without proof or evidence. you need to realize the difference here. we are telling you to assume, not to delude yourself. we are promising you that the "proof" comes after you've fully accepted it as true. we're not telling you to actively deny something despite accepting it as true. what would be the point in that? if we're telling you that your assumptions, aka the things you believe to be true without proof manifest, why would we tell you to continue to accept something you don't want as true? does that make sense?

being delusional and making an assumption may seem similar in theory, but in practice, they are completely different. one is literally the result of a mental illness, the other is a very normal, very human behavior that we do every day. we make assumptions about ourselves, people, and situations. all. the. time. it seems like it's only a problem and called "delusional" when it's about yourself, and it's something good.

it's like being confident in yourself, believing in your abilities despite what others have to say about you. for example, you have a great confidence in a talent or skill, and the you believe that you will get better as you get older/more experienced/more knowledgeable, and you'll make it places and have great opportunities in the future. let's say some random person decides to insult you and say that you'll never make it anywhere in life. would it be "delusional" to not listen to them? to not let someone else dictate your future? or would that simply be having some faith in yourself and not letting others define you?

this is literally all we're telling you to do, believe in yourself even if your reality seems to be against you. don't fight it, just accept that the unfavorable isn't true and move on. continue to believe in yourself.

and besides, if any person successful to date operated with that "i don't see it so it's not true" mindset, they wouldn't have become successful, would they? would anyone accumulate any kind of success with a mindset like that? the people who have came from nothing and made it to where they were now, had an unwavering confidence in their abilities and the fact that they'd be something one day. despite what anyone's told them, or tried to project onto them, it didn't get through to their unwavering sense of self.

the point is, we are promising you something. all it takes is for you to have some confidence in yourself. to quit hurting yourself. is that so hard?

anyways, the point of manifesting is when you change yourself, the things in your external reality change.

assuming is easy. believing things to be true without proof is easy. you just have to get comfortable with the fact that you need to change before anything changes externally. again, instead of believing you are a failure, that you are trapped, you simply assume you are successful, and you are not trapped.

people also change their minds all the time, they grow to have a different opinion, they realize they were wrong, they want to give something else a chance, or without a reason, they simply change their mind. these things are not impossible, they happen all the time.

i'm saying this to say that manifesting isn't being delusional. to be delusional is feeling stuck and like things can't change, when they so clearly do, all the damn time. you're not special enough for the concept of change to not apply to you. for instance, you are certainly not the same person you were when you were 6 compared to however old you are right now. you changed, therefore you are capable of changing, and i proved it to you with that simple example.

you only feel stuck because you decided you are, you decided that you'll never be unstuck, and so you haven't been. the law is working, just not in your favor. everything you see in your reality right now, perfectly matches whatever you've assumed to be true. that is not a coincidence. it's important to remember that the law isn't a thing with feelings, it does not care about you or your situation. all it does is continue to operate. it's up to you to use the law's indifference to your advantage.

also, you seem to have a victim mindset. it's very obvious in the way that you try to explain yourself, that you were doing as you were supposed to, but it still 'didn't matter'. you're putting so many things (your job, your bosses, proving yourself) on a pedestal, over what really matters, which is yourself. do you even like your job? did you pursue something you were passionate about? because if not, then you have no business subjecting yourself to any kind of mistreatment, not when you didn't even want to be there in the first place. you should be putting yourself and your desires before even thinking about pleasing anyone or meeting any kind of requirement.

your own standards and requirements should come first. remember : you chose to work for them. you have a choice. you also need to remember that your bosses and colleagues are regular people. outside of work (and in the workplace if we're being honest) they have no kind of power over you. you shouldn't be letting such irrelevant people in your life have the power to instill so much fear in you, to the point where you're having literal nightmares.. about typing a document incorrectly.

also, about feeling useful and competent, that's something you have to decide about yourself. are you useful? are you competent? do you honestly feel this way about yourself? definitely not, which is why you're seeking validation from others. but at the same time, it is what's made you so miserable, because you're definitely not getting that validation. and any you get only gives you a short lived feeling of satisfaction. your opinion on yourself matters more than what anyone has to say. that's literally why confidence and insecurity exist. and either way, you still feel a certain way about yourself that outweighs anything anyone has to say about you.

here's another example, let's say you've been insecure about your looks from a young age. if one day, someone randomly tells you you're beautiful or they think you're pretty, is all the insecurity you've felt for years suddenly going to go away? or will your mind find reasons to reinforce the fact that you don't feel beautiful? and if someone confirmed your insecurities, saying you weren't their type, they didn't find you attractive, wouldn't you just justify that reaction in your mind since you feel that way about yourself already?

with that in mind, how much does anyone's words really matter? do the words of others honestly have any significance when they aren't reinforcing something you already believe about yourself?

your reality works in a similar way. whatever you decide to assume/ accept as true/ shift your awareness to/ decide is true/ feel is certain, your reality will reflect. as well as a bunch of reasons to continue believing whatever it is is true. the law is very indifferent and has no bounds. it does not care about your feelings, your specific circumstances, and so on. that's why i'm telling you, you only feel these ways and experience the things you do, because you decided you were. this goes for being miserable, being stuck, feeling useless, feeling incompetent and living in fear. there are no exceptions.

so, with all that said, what do i suggest? first off, you need to practice being secure in yourself. work on being confident in yourself first, then work on your self concept. i say "confidence" as in feeling secure in yourself within the 3d. so, your looks, your body, your social skills, your physical skills, etc. because "self concept" has to do with having confidence in your manifestation abilities. find a helpful method that works for you, like affirming, visualizing, scripting, rampaging, or just simply deciding something new about yourself and accepting it.

self confidence has to do with things like liking yourself, being your own validation, having optimistic thoughts about yourself, and self efficiency. you can't care about what others think, you have to put yourself first, and you can't let anyone dictate your future. be selfish. the only thing that should matter is you and how something makes you feel. nothing bad comes from putting yourself first and not worrying about others.

once you feel confident in yourself, or even while working on your confidence, practice using the law. you could start by manifesting something small, something specific that would prove to you that you can manifest, then work your way up. manifest bigger things or just a large quantity of things, just to prove to yourself that there aren't any limits. remember, manifesting is just assuming: believing something to be true without proof. i mean that in the most literal, simplest way possible. like the example of success i used earlier.

once you've proven to yourself that manifestation is indeed real, play around with it. also, work on your self concept. decide that things always go well for you, that you deserve good things, you're the creator of your reality, learn to mentally reject unfavorable things in the 3d, and so on. this is what i would do if i were you.

i know this was kind of long, but i hope you understand my words and find them useful. feel free to dm me or send another ask if you have anymore questions. 🩶

[heartkaji]

[ ★ ⸻ @saelvr ]

★ OVERVIEW

HI AELA !! omg another kaji stan welcome to the club 💓 YOUR ASK WAS SO SWEET BBY, i’m so glad my work could inspire you and you should def start writing again, i’d love to read ur works 💘 ANYWAY you and kaji’s dynamic is kinda hard to sum up. maybe clumsy gf x protective bf ? either way, you two are a cute couple that kusumi, enomoto and your friends love to hype up from the sidelines 🤞

Q1 — WHO FELL FIRST AND WHO FELL HARDER ?

shocking, but kaji fell first; gradually though. i think your friendship started because you somehow needed his help like twice a week every week. you became a familiar face and needing to take a detour off patrol to help you out with something became weekly routine. at first, i think kaji lost his temper with you a LOT. you were always losing something, getting into some sort of trouble, honestly he was sick & tired. but after a while (and many scoldings) he gets used to it. hearing you yap more and more as you get more familiar with each other while he accompanies you to help you out with whatever you need becomes less of a punishment and more of a reward. i feel like at some point you stopped calling him to help you out when you saw him on patrol and then he began to miss you. the next time you needed something and called him up, he asked why you’d stopped needing to see him. you explained you’d been deliberately trying to be more careful so you wouldn’t bother him, but he rolls his eyes : “who told you you were bothering me, huh ?”

kaji also falls harder here i fear 🤦‍♀️ this man has become a fool for the very girl he used to call a fool unfortunately. every second of the day where he’s at furin and not with you he’s wondering what you’re doing, where you are etc. he frequently texts you during class, and you happily oblige, sending him silly selfies to ‘brighten up his day’. he rolls his eyes before saving your pictures to the album named ‘her<3’ on his phone 💘

Q2 — AT WHAT MOMENT DID HE FALL IN LOVE ?

like i said, with you it was a gradual thing. i don’t see kaji having a “damn i’m in love moment” with you, unless we count how he felt weird when he realized he missed your presence? or maybe we could take it as that. kaji builds up some sort of affection with you the more you spend time together, and although it’s initially a friendly affection it turns more into love the more he notices little things about you : the way you forget about whatever you’re on about the moment you see a stray kitten on the road, the way you playfully grab onto his arm and call him your “knight in shining armor” (which he claims to hate btw ) whenever he takes down a bunch of guys harassing you, the way you gradually seem to become an entirely different person from who you were when he had first met you. at first you were so shy and quiet, but now you have the nerve to tell him to fuck off when he tells you to shut up mid ramble. kaji’s not sure exactly when he started to look at you differently, but one thing he knows is the girl he’s in love with is the girl you’ve been all along

Q3 — THEIR FAVORITE ACTIVITY TO DO WITH YOU ?

SLEEP ! in the most innocent way possible. you can be pretty lazy, and that’s great for kaji because you two can be lazy together. after a long day chasing stray cats or keeping things in check at furin, kaji likes to come back to you and be welcomed with open arms. a lot of times you straight get to talking but you’re immediately cut off : “hi ren, how was your—“ *kiss* “nuh uh, sleep.” he’ll drag you off to your room, gently push you onto the bed and flopping himself on your chest. it catches you by surprise everytime but it only makes you smile. with flushed cheeks you pat his hair and listen as his breathing slows. before long, you’re fast asleep as well <3

>> 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓 <<

© ─ heartkaji ; do not steal, copy, edit, translate or reupload

[youcouldmakealife]

SOTM: Gabe/Stephen; largesse (pt II)

For the prompt: Gabe and Stephen being sappy at SOME point

Follows this.

Early on, Gabe worries he’s wrong about his 'Stephen loves holidays' thesis: Easter’s during Passover that year, and neither of them do anything for it, unless you count Stephen buying a few bags of mini eggs from the drug store when they go on clearance after, and Gabe doesn’t. At this point mini eggs are entirely secular — they’re not even a seasonal thing. Gabe saw a Christmas edition of them a few months back, though he’s not sure how eggs are supposed to be involved in Christmas. Maybe another gift for Santa? Cookies and milk aren't a very well-balanced diet, some eggs can't hurt.

But then Mother’s Day arrives, and while Gabe orders his mom flowers, Stephen leans over him, sighing about needing to get his mom something, but not flowers, because his mom doesn’t like flowers, she always makes things difficult, why can’t she just like what everyone else does. This is the third straight day of their annual tradition of brainstorming what to get Anouk — twice annual tradition, actually, it comes up on her birthday too, and probably at Christmas, now that Gabe’s thinking about it, it’s just that Stephen worries about what to get everyone for Christmas, with the exception of Gabe and his parents, and that’s just because he worries about what to get them for Hannukah instead.

And then Father’s Day comes around, and Stephen goes through the exact same process for getting Johan a gift. Then Beth’s birthday, and that Stephen pretends not to care about at all, but then gets her and Anna tickets to a Taylor Swift concert in Toronto that summer, and Gabe’s pretty sure securing those involved either a sizeable amount of time, money, or both.

Gabe’s not proud to say it takes until Johan’s birthday in October to really click into place. Obviously he’s had some suspicions, or he wouldn’t have been observing Stephen’s demeanour so closely, but honestly, he does that as a matter of course — it’s easier than listening to what Stephen says about how he’s feeling, which is usually not true. And that’s if he’s even willing to talk about it, which isn't likely.

Once again, Stephen’s bitching about how hard it is to buy things for his dad, who is, admittedly, not an easy man to find gifts for, and Gabe finally sees right all the way through Stephen's ‘why is gift giving so frequent, it’s absurd’ speech to the fact that it’s honestly not hard to find a gift for someone if you don’t give a shit whether they like it.

Stephen apparently gives so many shits. Innumerable shits. So Gabe figures he can help him out a bit. Do some research, attempt to make a list.

“I doubt most of them are up to snuff, because, you know, Johan,” Gabe says, waving a hand in a way he’s concerned to notice is an accidental but dead on impression of his mother, “But maybe one or two of them will work.”

“Gabe,” Stephen says, looking up from the list.

“It’s nothing,” Gabe says. “Something to do on the road.”

“You printed it out,” Stephen says.

“Seemed easier,” Gabe says. “But I’ll email it to you as well.”

“And colour coordinated it,” Stephen says.

“It was a boring roadie,” Gabe says, though the end of it is kind of breathless, because Stephen’s crushing the air out of his lungs.

“Thank you,” Stephen mumbles, and Gabe brings a hand up to card through his hair.

“It’s nothing,” he says.

~

The packages start arriving two days later.

Gabe sighs, pushing aside two boxes with his foot so he can unlock the door, grabbing one under each arm to bring inside. One of them’s heavy for its size. Probably the knife set.

“Oh good,” Stephen says, looking up from his laptop as Gabe stacks the packages on top of all the other ones in the living room. “I was getting concerned that those weren’t coming.”

“Stephen,” Gabe says. “You can’t give your dad seventeen gifts for his birthday. He’ll just be disappointed every other year.”

And Gabe did say it was nothing, but that list took him two flights, three breakfasts, a dinner, and the recommendations of half the Canucks and most of the support staff, with dads receiving special consideration, to make.

“I can, however, not have to worry about what to get him for the next five years,” Stephen says gleefully.

Gabe sees trouble coming.

“I’m not making a list for everyone,” Gabe says.

“Gabe,” Stephen whines.

“No way,” Gabe says, taking this as a cue to retreat. “You’re on your own.”

“Gabe,” Stephen says, closing his laptop to trail him out of living room. “Please?”

~

The Canucks, unfortunately, are much less helpful when it comes to what to get middle-aged women. Gabe is disappointed but unsurprised.

“You lose a bet, Marksy?” Coach asks when Gabe brings the question to him. He’s married to one, which likely gives him an edge over the Canucks, who Gabe's learned are all a bunch of terrible sons. Well, other than Bullet. The majority of the ideas he does have on this list are just him trying to keep up with Bullet’s stream-of-consciousness.

“Something like that,” Gabe says, and adds his suggestion for a shawl. Sure, it’s already on the list, but it’s never smart to piss off the guy who controls how many minutes you get.

"My wife likes candles too," Coach says. "The ones that smell up the place."

Stephen can't stand scented candles, and Gabe's almost positive he got that from his mom, but Gabe adds it to the list anyway. It'd serve Stephen right to get a faulty list, and maybe he won't be forced to make one for Beth and Anna if he does a purposefully bad job.

Gabe waits until Coach is long gone, and then he makes sure to scribble those ideas out. Sure, he'll probably remember, and Stephen would probably notice even if he didn't, but, well.

May as well get Anouk something nice.

[devilsrecreation]

For the character ask game, 2, 7, 8, 15, 17, 23, and 25 for Janja?

*cracks knuckles*

Favorite thing about him:

How great of a villain he was, honestly. He was bad, but he was also very silly. Plus he was never completely heartless either, he just had a hard time showing his feelings as all the Outlanders do

AND HIS SONGS? *chef’s kiss*

What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?:

I love the lore everyone gives him. His backstory is always unique no matter the fan/artist and it’s so cool to think about. Whether or not the OG trio die, I love hearing what everyone thinks!

What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?:

Shit, this is hard. The fandom treats him VERY well, so I can’t really think of anything I don’t like off the top of my head. I mean MAAAAAYBE when someone kills off Shenzi and Banzai but it’s not something I totally despise either since they very well could be 🤷‍♀️

What's your favorite ship for this character?:

Janja x Jasiri FTW

What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?:

I think I saw the Janja x Chungu x Cheezi pairing once or twice. Don’t ship them romantically but I don’t have a problem with it. Janja x Kion is another one.

Fav picture:

Oh god this is the hardest one cuz he has soooo many good moments! But this one is definitely one of my favs!

LOOK AT HIM. LOOK AT HOW HAPPY HE IS! LOOK AT MY BOY RN HE IS SO PRECIOUS

First impression of him vs now:

Oh my love for him and his hyenas have NOT changed. I’ve always loved his character and always will :)

[prettyrealm]

what really happened between bts jimin & twice jeongyeon?

this reading is a paid commission, thank you so much for trusting in me! <3

the situation:

this connection definitely started off as a relationship with very strong feelings, at least for one of them & in this case, i think it’s jeongyeon. i think there’s a chance she may have even seen jimin as her “first love.” they seem to be very different people personality wise that managed to get along… until they didn’t.

what happened?

one of them or both of them wanted or expected more from the other than they were willing to give. maybe he wanted to have sex quickly & she didn’t. or that she was ready to get serious and talk about marriage and a family early on and he was put off by this. either way, they were very unbalanced. she was too intense and overbearing & he was too cold. she may have been behaving too comfortably with jimin too fast as well (as if they were super committed or knew each other well) and would be controlling, nag & complain too much and he didn’t like this. he broke up with her rather quickly into this relationship, like pretty much as soon as they got together it was over. there’s a chance here that they never even slept together at all. she was mostly upset because he was her first love and she saw dating as basically on the road to marriage and he didn’t. to him, dating was just being exclusive, but he didn’t expect her to be so intense with him after the flirting stage.

how does jeongyeon see jimin?

i don’t think she had many good relationships after this one, so she romanticizes it a lot. i think she misses him or how he made her feel. she may think it could have worked and sees this as a lost love. i think she was very emotional in this connection so in turn she sees him as too intellectual, defensive, cold & harsh. but at the same time, she still thinks positively of the past and this connection. it’s like “you drive me crazy, but i’m not me if i’m not with you.”

how does jimin see jeongyeon?

he sees jeongyeon as someone really defensive that likes to fight for things that just aren’t even worth the effort. honestly, the vibe i’m getting just from how he views her is that the talking and flirting stage was really fun, but once they actually started dating, jeongyeon got really comfortable out the gate and was probably weirdly clingy and too fast moving for jimin. he thinks she pulled an “i’ll find out what you want, be that girl for a month” & jeongyeon was basically like “yeah but you chose me already so i can just be myself now, right?” but she just seemed super weirdly attached & emotional so he broke up with her. at this point, i think he was her first love for sure. but overall, he thinks she is a bit of a weird person in general, he thinks she says rude things and ignores personal space and boundaries and he even thought she was mannerless. but at the same time, he misses her too. i think he was able to be accepting of who she is until it became unbearable.

[jahtrashh]

I saw your take on Zuko and like I agree so much. this fandom either idolises him or hates him and I always found that sooo weird. same goes with characters like Jet who are somehow treated like perfectly functioning adults by the fandom and held accountable of their actions as if they were grown men. and that’s so freaking weird. the point of Zuko’s redemption arc is that his arc isn’t linear, he makes mistakes, learns from it, makes up for it. as for Jet, although not a big fan of the way the writers handled his death, he’s literally being seen as an unredeemable monster, as if worse that characters like OZAI OR ZHAO by many fans and… just… how ?? why ?? they are both 16 ?? like yeah, they did so much bad stuff, they did really messed up stuff but they are also quite literally products of their environment and a freaking 100 years war. how is Zuko, fed with propaganda, on a ship since he’s 13, with a freaking general as his only paternal figure at that time, surrounded by men twice his age who are also either soldiers or at least army related, and still 16 at the time, suppose to be a “nice guy” archetype that does nothing wrong. like please be for real one second. and don’t get me started on Jet. whole village burned to the ground, orphan, had to raise so many kids, probably grew up in extreme poverty. ofc he’s messed up. ofc he’s violent, blinded by rage. but again, 16 !!! HE’S 16 !! it kills how people don’t realise that teenagers (especially teenage boys) are anything but mature, collected and emotionally rational. like bfr.

but in the atla fandom ig saying this would make me a zuko/jet apologist. whatever that means. as an adult i just see a bunch of messed up kids in the middle of the war, and that’s basically it. at best i feel bad for them, at worst i pity them.

Say it louder for the people in the back. I don’t know how to dumb it down enough for people to wrap their damn head around how these are in fact, also, teenagers involved in war. The world is in shambles during war, right and wrong are easily blurred during those times, and it takes a very special person to be able to differentiate between the sides without getting too caught up in what they believe is right or wrong.

Zuko could’ve stayed a racist, imperialist, dipshit. But by the end of the show, he turns into just a simple dipshit who accepted his life changing 180 with open arms. Yes he said some insensitive shit to aang about his beliefs and mocked his anti-violent views even when he joined them in season 3, but AGAIN, not only was he still learning how to be a decent human being, he was also blinded by his own hatred of his father, mixed with the very much pro-violent nature of the fire nation, PLUS the lack of education on Aang’s culture and philosophy which was AGAIN, taught around PRO-PA-GAN-DA the FN created. All of which, takes time to unlearn. On top of figuring himself and who he was, which is what most teenagers, more often than not will have a whole crisis about ALONE. I honestly don’t know how people expect a redemption arc to go, we’ve all had to learn how to be better about things, and the progress isn’t going to be liner nor will it always be easy. That is human nature. That is LIFE.

And on Jet’s case, why do people think it’s such a terrible thing to make some characters who were victims of war crimes, to be angry, to lust for revenge against the perpetrators, or be irrational and violent. THEY HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO. The FN took the last bit of Jet’s life that he barely even had and stripped all of that completely away from him like the savages that they are. Why is it a terrible thing to be angry at people who didn’t think twice about the families, the sense of community that his village had? I agree that Jet was going too far when he was trying to take it out on innocent people, but can you really blame him? He didn’t have an adult to help him out on the importance of emotional maturity and how to be angry at the ones who actually harmed you like Zuko did, and even if he did, teenagers won’t be emotionally matured TRULY until they develop into adults. He had to be the mock adult for the kids younger than him, he didn’t have time to decode himself and better his actions because he was too focused on protecting the freedom fighters and himself against the FN’s abuses.

People don’t realize that this is not babying them, or being so called “apologists” this is called understanding why these two are the way that they are. Why are they like this? And it’s so much to take in and talk about at once that you’d need an entire college level essay to completely break down and comprehend how deep war can affect not just adults, but teenagers and children. Those two groups don’t have true moral compasses, so the environment and circumstances can really impact and easily mold their minds to fit the standards in said situation in order to survive it. This is called self-preservation. A more than common trauma response.

I mean seriously, I heard someone say they can understand Zuko hate but not Iroh hate, when he has in fact, done much worse than Zuko has ever done in those 3 years at sea. I love Iroh, but he’s an adult, why are we choosing adults over traumatized and war-fed teenagers who mainly comply in that shit to seek approval from their actually psychotic, genocidal, narcissistic, and abusive father that would dispose of them if they didn’t fit his standards? Why are we quicker to blame the teenagedvictim of the FN’s attacks and cruelty, than the actual people, adults, who conducted the attacks?

Are we truly regressing as a fandom? The show wouldn’t give them their traumatic experiences and talk about their abusers if they wanted the viewer to antagonize the victims. Goes to show that the loudest voices screaming “irredeemable monster” and “they want people to feel sorry for him” never truly know who these characters are and how they operate, they need everything spoon fed to them which is very unfortunate. The real irredeemable monsters are right there in their face and they choose to look somewhere else.

It’s so obvious how people in this fandom pick and choose who to feel sympathy for, when they all needed it.

[floxtingdrm]

𝙎𝙖𝙪𝙙𝙖𝙙𝙚

(N): a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved then lost; “the love that remains.

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fluff (I think)

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬: Silver (vanrouge)

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐞: On

𝐓𝐲𝐩𝐞: Oneshot.

𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐬: They/them

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: It’s you and I, keeping our story under the wraps

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: None.

What else were you gonna say about your life? That you wish it didn’t have to be like this or that you’re bored out of your mind? You liar~ Nothing was boring with him around, wasn’t it?

Your prince, Silver was everything you wanted in a lover and more, opposite to most of the student at NRC he was a pure gentleman to you and a sweet lover even with his strange sleeping schedule. Despite being in a secret relationship, having it well kept between you and him only, you both can’t help but make a few people stare at you with the look of ‘something feels weird’

Maybe we should go back to the start of how you both came to be? It’s not a long story when you think about it, in fact he was the one who approached you, just after Leona’s overblot.

“Silver, thank you for helping us, Prefect…?” Silver hair and aurora eyes, he was breathing taking for a first meeting.

“(Y/n), (Y/n) (L/n). Glad to be of service to you and Diasomnia.” You quickly brushed it off though, back then you still hadn’t entirely gotten over the overblot situation and was still so scared.

“…Are you okay?” If he hadn’t asked that would he have made an impact on you? Would you still have remembered those lilac eyes? Maybe you would, but you also wouldn’t.

“Ah I’m good! Thank you for worrying.” You had no choice but to keep to yourself, a world you’re unfamiliar with, did Silver saw his younger self in you?

It was a strange meeting maybe but, just with those little words you kept hearing over and over again, your heart began to loosen up a bit. After that meeting, you both coincidentally kept meeting each other, what was it they often say?

Once was chance, you never thought you’d see him again after the spell drive tournament, neither did he, in all honesty you had already kind of liked him like how friends would.

“Oh it’s you prefect, what brings you to the library?” You happen to visit the library to review for the mid-terms, looks like you happen to meet him again.

“Mid-terms, I just needed something on the ‘New age of Lacuna’” since being a first year focused more on information and writing you had no choice but to read references for history class.

“I have it, you wanna read it together?” What’s the worse that could happen between sharing and reading a book? The spark to your relationship of course.

Twice is a coincidence, your relationship started to bloom as you both kept in touch for school problems, you began to talk to him more about your problems with unable to handle most of the work handed, he talked to you about his sleeping problems.

“Oh, I didn’t expect to see you again so soon.” Poker face from start to end, every time you saw him you wonder what he would like liked if he started smiling.

“Haha I’m kind of just buying essentials but nice to see you to, Silver.” Sam came back and handed you a bag filled with hygiene things as well as a separate box for Tuna cans.

“You need help?” Despite protesting, Silver still carried the heavy box of tuna cans for you, at this point you were already somewhere on the verge of falling in love.

“ You really don’t have to help me.” All you had as an answer was his hunm in agreement.

“So? I wanted to help you.” Honestly it’s a miracle you haven’t started staring at him up and down, or maybe you did? Either way you were sure your heart was beating of your rib cage when you saw those lovely eyes.

Thrice was fate, the third time you met and afterwards all you could began to think was about him. You did consider the chances of being in a relationship with him, you really did but you were just so afraid of breaking your heart for so many reasons that you started distancing yourself from him.

“Prefect, what are you hiding here for?” That afternoon you were so overwhelmed you couldn’t even attend class, you just had to make a deal with Azul and was facing a huge chance of losing the Ramshackle dorm.

“…” you didn’t know what to do other than stare at the ground, as you sat on the grassy field all alone with your thoughts.

“I happened to hear about your situation… if you want you could stay with me.” His words surprised you, however it wasn’t the fact that you could have the potential of losing your dorm that made you so tired, it was the planning on breaking in a museum.

“I- really thank you, but I’m fine, I don’t want to bother you.” He looked bothered by your words, was it something you said?

“Idiot, you can’t keep going on like this, you’ll burn yourself out.” With that said though you thought he’d go away, but it surprisingly he stayed there, he stayed there for you.

Let’s just say after your fourth meeting, you and him just closer and closer than before, how were you so lucky as to meet him?

More and on about your relationship, you both felt like there was no reason to announce it and just left it just as it is, however when you both eventually started dating there was a big talk about how you both were gonna meet each other with your schedules being a bit different and busy.

In the end, you both just decided to go on dates at night, most of them were picnic dates, some times a walk in the woods, there were also study dates. Although his strange sleeping habit of falling asleep in the middle of nowhere gave you a heart attack, you found it quite cute, you avoided walks after his last falling asleep in the woods.

It would have been fun if you could have continued keeping your relationship just low-key, but it didn’t stay as a secret for long. Just somewhere around winter break, your lover wanted to bring you home with him however you couldn’t agree.

“Are you sure, darling? It’s rough staying at the school in breaks, I’m not forcing you but are you sure?” You felt his hands in your hair, untangling the knots and giving you a gentle head massage.

“Yes, I’m sure, I’ll be fine sweetie. Don’t worry too much about me.” You wished moments like these would last forever, they can last right?

“If you ever change your mind just give me a call alright?” You really wanted to go with him, but the crow really just had to make you babysit the school while he was away.

“Am I interrupting something?” Out of the dark and dimness of the lounge where you laid on your lover’s chest, Grim stood at the door annoyed and probably hungry.

That night you had to try and bribe grim from saying anything about your relationship, why you did that? You had no idea but just felt like it. Silver on the other hand didn’t really mind if news about your relationship got out, but since it looked like you didn’t enjoy it he just let you do as you pleased.

“Is there a reason why we should keep our relationship a secret?” Scribbling away you don’t seem to hear much of what he was saying, maybe it was something about his side of work?

“Not really, I’m not sure why… I’ve rarely been in a relationship before so I guess I was just worried?” When you managed to make out what he was saying you kind of just answered what you thought of first, should have payed attention to what he said.

“So you don’t mind if we made it public?”

“Well.. no, I really don’t mind”

“Hm”

Maybe if you were more conscious and thought careful about why he asked that, then maybe you could hold have been more mentally prepared. Because that was how you got into your current situation.

On the day of him going back home, you were also invited by some of your friends as well, mainly Deuce and Ace and just like with Silver you declined them, saying goodbye to your friends was like parents seeing their children off on a trip, ‘thank god they’re gone’.

“(Y/n), mind if I talked to you for a second?” He tapped on your shoulder, Ace and Deuce didn’t really noticed and just thought Silver needed something from you.

“Yeah su-“ All he needed from you was a goodbye kiss, and one that you didn’t even had the chance to react or explain to them, they all just stared at you as if you grew multiple heads.

What you technically didn’t expect was him giving you pda in public, that was one way of telling the world you both were dating but can’t he tell you beforehand? Now you’re as red as a tomato.

“SILVER, WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE BENEVOLENT THORN WITCH WAS THAT?!” Sebek gently asked in a not so gentle way, you just hid your face in Silver’s chest out of malfunctioning.

“A goodbye kiss, have Lilia and Malleus arrived?” He still hugged you, warm hands around your waist, you would have hit him but you loved him too much to do so.

You felt stares that seemed to burn into your skull, Ace and Deuce really wanted answers to what they just witnessed, they felt betrayed, how dare you keep your love life away from them?

“(Y/n)…”

“I can explain, hear me out.”

Despite saying that they still bombarded you with more questions you didn’t know how to answer, your lover just chuckled and had a rare smile on his face, oh no, you think you just fell harder in love with him.

“I’ll see you after break, remember, call me if you need anything” leaving you he began to walk away, perhaps you were feeling bold and didn’t notice Lilia right away.

“Hold on now, here’s one more goodbye kiss from me” kissing his cheek you chuckled as his face grew a bit red as well.

“You didn’t tell me you had a lover Silver, you wound this old bat” a smirk from Lilia, a grumble of embarrassment from your lover, he was definitely gonna get teased by Lilia later.

Thanks for reading! Please like and reblog it would help me out so much, thank you!

[the-weary-wayward-son]

Let me tell you a sweet little story about me and the two Supernstural ships that most people argue about but that both have a place in my heart and in my mind.

Dean and Cas were my first gay ship, and that in itself has changed me fundamentally as a human being. My first ever fics I wrote when I was eleven were about them. Destiel made me realize, right from season four, that a relationship between two men can (and often is) so much more interesting and complex than any potential heterosexual relationships either of the men could have with a female counterpart. We all know very well the argument of “if Castiel was a woman, there would’ve been immediate romance, but she would get killed off by the end of the season because the fans would hate the relationship”.

I used to watch that™️ scene of Cas pushing Dean up against a wall on repeat and hide my search history from my mother. It made me feel so many things all at once, and as a kid that was way too young to watch the show it the first place, I knew nothing about what they were and what to do with them. Slowly, over the years, I began piecing them together into a more comprehensive understanding, and as the seasons were coming out, one after the other, until the very end, I shipped Destiel somewhere deep in my heart. I stopped actively watching the show on season 12-13, it my feelings towards the ship remained, and they were so deeply engraved within me by that point that it felt like watching Supernatural and not shipping Destiel was like not watching the show to begin with. That being said, I’ll never forget the day that I logged into tumblr for my main blog, and saw Destiel trending. Never in my life have I said “what the fuck???” louder than I have on November 5th.

So that was that, Destiel was cannon? After all these years, after all the (sub)text and the eye contact, and the sacrifices made for each other, Destiel was cannon? We didn’t get Dean saying the words back, let alone a kiss or anything, because CW are mentally stuck in the twelve hundreds, but we got a confession, did we not?

We did, and it felt so anticlimactic that the entirety of the world now gets the news about the latest events through an outlet that should’ve been the end of an era. The confession that hundreds of thousands of people were waiting and hoping for was supposed to be impactful, gut-wrenching and tragic, because that’s what Supernatural has always been about. Most importantly, it was supposed to be closure. It was supposed to feel like it really was the end, which is understandably a very hard thing to achieve in a show where all the main characters have died and resurrected about fifty times.

That is what we did not get. An end to Cas and Dean, to their incredible story that we followed for eleven (11) years. Watching Dean sit in that room with his head in his hands and knowing that that was it, that that was the end of their relationship, felt like someone grabbed me by the neck and pushed my faced under water, holding me there just until I started suffocating, and then just let me go. A sudden, painful and lowkey traumatizing experience that, in the end, amounted to nothing. I felt cheated twice — CW decided to break my heart with the final moments of a relationship that I carried in my heart for over a decade, and they couldn’t even do that right.

Now let’s get into what usually is the opposing opinion.

First thing’s first — I do not and I have never truly, seriously thought that the show was implying that Sam and Dean were sleeping together. Yes, they give each other weird looks but I honestly never in my life believed that somewhere off-screen, within the show, they are lovers.

However.

Whatever it is that Sam and Dean have, it’s definitely more than brotherly love. I’m not saying it’s romantic love, I don’t think it is, but what I am saying is that their souls are tied together with such a tight and tangled thread, that they are two halves of a whole.

They blur into each other, bleed into each other like aquarelle.

A lot of people that have joined the fandom post 2010 do not realize that before Cas, all they ever had was each other. Losing the other meant losing yourself, and the lines separating them into two different people have blurred so much that the lines of the relationship blurred with them.

I personally have an older brother who is the best man I’ve ever met in this life. Do I love him to death? Yes. Would I die and kill for him? He would never let me but yes. Would I, however, offer up my soul to bring him back if he were to die prematurely? No.

The Winchester brothers do it so much that Dean has turned it into a hobby.

If you review his actions and decisions over the seasons, you’ll realise at one point that while Sam managed to live (no matter how dreadfully) without Dean between seasons three and four, Dean cannot live without him.

He is not just striking up deals with higher powers and/or demons, he’s not making sacrifices, he’s killing himself because he physically cannot fucking live without his younger brother.

Seeing what a horrible father John had always been to them, they only had each other to trust, to seek comfort in, to protect and to get protected by. I will never get tired of watching the way they instinctually reach for each other when it seems like everything is coming to an end. In the final moments, they always, always strive to meet them as a whole.

And the way their story ends is, if we take into account everything above, so much more impactful. One last death, and of course it’s Dean, protecting Sam like he always has. They reach for each other, like they’ve always done, and the scene is a gut-wrenching mirror of their first scene together. It was that mirror, the story finally coming its full, inevitable circle, that ripped my heart right out of my chest and then patted my cheek with the bloody hand, asking if I was really expecting a happy ending. Supernatural has always been about tragedy, and the relationship between Sam and Dean has always been about damnation.

The absolute desperation of them trying to save each other and not realising that they are two inseparable, twisted parts of a whole will never not fuck me up.

[toyybox]

Spiderwebs #42: Callaghan

Masterlist

content: hallucinations, psychiatry, past non-con drugging, dehumanization, general themes of abuse

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

The laboratory was silent, save for the hum of the deep freezer. The cursor flashed a thin black line on the computer screen. Her notes were all sprawled on the desk, journals and scrap papers arranged in proper chronological order. A cup of coffee sat on a coaster and waited to go cold.

Heather leaned back in her chair. The first word was always the hardest. If she could start with that, the paper would just about write itself, and she—

The door slammed open. “Do you have bug spray?”

She glanced up, not bothering to wipe the irritation off her face. “I beg your pardon?”

Jackie stood in the open doorway, taking a second to catch his breath, his bangs haphazard in front of his eyes, shirt somewhat ruffled. “There’s spiders all over the basement.”

“Spiders?” That was always a problem as the weather got warmer. Spring had almost arrived. It was a bit early, yes, but spiders tended to ignore most calendars. “I… How many are there?”

“I don’t know. A whole lot. Must be a nest or something.”

“A nest?” She stood up from the chair. “I’ll take a look."

They came to the basement door, open to the chasm of its stair steps. They just fixed the shower a couple days ago, and she wasn’t looking forward to another afternoon sorting this out. The basement was where Jackie’s bed stood, after all, and all his furniture. He still slept there sometimes, so an infestation would be inconvenient.

She followed him down the stairs. He turned the light switch on. They waited on the staircase.

If Heather actually saw any spiders, she would have been much less worried. At least pests could be disposed of with some time and effort.

Unfortunately, she saw nothing. Not even any other sort of insect, not even ants or cockroaches. The basement was as empty as it always was, which meant Jackie was seeing things. 

“I guess they’re gone. Weird.” He gave her concerned expression an equally concerned glance. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“So, you’re saying that there were spiders here? Right here? On the basement floor?”

“...Yes?” 

“You’re not feeling ill, are you? Do you have a fever?” She placed the back of her hand against his forehead. His temperature was normal, however.

He swatted her hand away. “No, I’m fine. What are you going on about? Spit it out already.”

“Jackie. You’re hallucinating again.”

“Again.” He glared at the featureless concrete floor. "I don't know why it's happening now."

That was the problem: she didn’t know either. Why this was happening, or how to stop it. She knew this wasn’t normal, but that was about as far as her expertise went. She could sedate him, maybe, perhaps administer fever medication, even add in a few antihistamines, but she had nothing for hallucinations. She didn't know where to start. 

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine,” she replied firmly. “This is serious.”

He sat sprawled on the sofa, staring up at the ceiling as he spoke. “But there’s nothing we can do, right? So… we’ll do nothing. It has to go away eventually. Honestly, they don’t even bother me.”

“They don’t bother you yet, but waiting around will only make the problem worse. We should go to a psychiatrist.”

He shrugged. “I guess."

“The only problem would be finding a psychiatrist who won’t call the police.”

“Ask around. I’m sure you’ll find someone.”

“Ask around where?”

“Oh, you know.” He waved his hand in a vague arc. “There’s probably someone shady you talked to once or twice. Don’t you guys have connections?”

This was such a terrible suggestion that she was at a loss on how to reply. But it did get her thinking. She didn’t know many criminals, but she had met a rather eccentric professor back at Oxford. Professor Callaghan was somewhat prolific with the student body, often going on rants about the limitations of organized academia instead of teaching anything. He quickly became her favorite. Their shared interests and, dare she say it, sense of camaraderie quickly spiraled into an apprenticeship of sorts, where she helped him dig up graves and the like.

This meant he was—luckily for her—a graverobber. Not an ill-mannered graverobber, of course. Not some petty thief. He was actually quite a nice person. Those corpses had been exhumed for scientific reasons, and the occasional gold ring. The bodies looked a little too fresh, sometimes, but what he did in his spare hours was none of her concern. More importantly, this meant he wasn’t afraid to get his hands dirty. Ergo, Callaghan wouldn’t complain about a bit of blood on hers.

He taught psychology, but he also had a medical degree, and later moved back to America to open up a psychiatry practice. Americans paid more, he told her, and most of his family lived there. It had been five years since she left school, but she was sure that he wouldn’t mind doing her a favor. If it was money he wanted, so be it. She would pay any amount to ensure her subject’s health.

So she called the professor to set up an appointment. He didn’t live too far from her. Jackie wasn’t exactly enthusiastic about the idea, but he didn’t complain about tagging along.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

They arrived without any trouble, about a week later.

“Are you sure this is his house?” he asked.

Heather glanced behind her shoulder, where Jackie stood at the entrance steps. “Yes, I’m absolutely certain. I checked three times. Also, it says his name there.” She gestured towards the plaque bearing a carving, which read DR. LUKAS CALLAGHAN. 

“Okay, but it just looks so…”

It did have a jarring appearance. Great big arches at the windows, dark mahogany and ashen brick, dramatic sprays of briar rose and blackwoods here and there. But it was a nice place, otherwise. Her old psychology professor was doing well for himself. 

“Hurry up.” She ushered Jackie up the steps with an impatient wave. “We need to be punctual. Professor Callaghan is very particular about these sorts of things, and I want to be polite. He’s doing us a significant favor.”

He followed after her, while she let the big brass knocker hit the door. Once, twice, it echoed against the heavy wood. They waited.

And they waited. It was not so cold anymore, and her breath no longer crystallized in the air. She couldn’t distract herself with that. So she occupied herself with the flora, the thorny bushes and wild roses, the jagged-edged bark against the early evening light. 

The door pushed open. “Miss Rodriguez. What a pleasure to see you again.”

His appearance was exactly as she remembered it: combed black hair, brown skin, and a neat beard and mustache. Pale blue eyes. Formal clothing, or close to formal, neat and clean-pressed in any case. Gray overcoat, polished shoes. Though she was surprised to see a smooth, simple wood cane in the firm grasp of his gnarled hand. Five years had taken a toll.

“Professor Callaghan.” Her smile was genuine. “I hope you’re well.”

“As well as always.” His gaze shifted to Jackie, who looked a bit tense in the eyes and shoulders. “I assume this is Jackson?”

“Yes, that’s Jack.”

“A pleasure to meet you.” But he barely paid Jackie any mind. Instead, the professor opened the door wider, stepped aside. “Please, come in. Have some tea. We can begin our discussion once we’re settled.”

She entered, and so did Jackie, though his gait was rather nervous through the empty hallways and dusty floors, which creaked unreasonably with each and every step. The smell of mildew was faint enough to come off as esoteric. 

Jackie adjusted his shirt collar, then leaned in to mutter to Heather. “Does he know about the… you know…”

“He’s aware of the kidnapping,” she muttered back. Callaghan had not noticed their conversation at all; he was walking straight forward, direct as an arrow, cane clacking against the floorboards at rhythmic intervals. “I told him over the phone.”

“And he didn’t care?” Jackie flicked an irritated glance towards the professor. “Is he not worried… at all?”

“I wouldn’t have brought you here if he was.”

“What about the immortality?”

“You try convincing someone that immortality exists. I didn’t mention it.” She ended the conversation there, leaned away before he could mutter anything back. 

Just in time, too. The professor slowed down as they rounded into what was likely a living room. Or a guest room, judging by the collection of fine china arranged on the coffee table. Feathered blue on white patterns, teacups on small saucers, and a teapot lined with gold on the lid. 

Callaghan placed his cane against a table leg. He then gestured towards the seats. Victorian-looking. Not quite sofas, not quite chairs. Single seaters. “Please, sit.”

Heather settled into the nearest seat. So did Jackie, to her right.

The professor lifted the teapot and poured its contents into a teacup, the one nearest to Heather. It was a deep amber, steaming slightly once it pooled, while its surface was disturbed by tiny ripples. “We may as well begin our examination. Now, what was it that led to your... particular set of circumstances?"

"What do you mean, professor?”

Jackie raised his hand. “Can I have some tea?”

Callaghan poured him a cup, then settled into the seat opposite them. “I apologize for speaking so bluntly, but I assume you didn’t intend to watch him drink tea all day. If I remember correctly, you took an interest in pharmaceutical research…?”

“Oh, yes, I did. I do. I still do.” She brought the cup to her lips, if only to hide her stammering. Heather had never talked about these things before, not about Jackie’s existence or her experiments, and certainly never in such a blithe manner.

But Callaghan didn’t seem to be bothered at all. Not on the phone and not in person. Nothing could ever shake him. She glanced behind his shoulders. There was a familiar copy of Macbeth placed on the mantle. Heather had given it to him as a gift, so many years ago.

Callaghan spoke again. “I recall that you were interested in developing… ah, the name slips my mind. I know you studied nerve tissue for some time.”

“Yes, I developed a selective paralytic.” She drew her attention away from the mantle. “My experiments were successful, although I doubt it’s safe enough for general use yet. The perils of a small control group, as you might know.” She risked a small smile. “Why do you ask?”

“Oh, I simply want a good grasp on all the variables. Jackson has been experiencing hallucinations, yes?”

She nodded. 

“Spiders,” Jackie said. “The hallucinations, I mean. Are spiders. Sir.” He ended this interjection with a stilted cough. 

“Indeed,” said Callaghan. “There could be any number of causes, and I simply wish to lay them all out on the table, so to speak. How often do these hallucinations occur?”

“They stopped for a few months,” she said. “They started again this week. I’m not sure why. I’ve tried everything, professor, but none of it is working. What should I do?”

Jackie gave her a bewildered glance, but Callaghan answered with comforting curtness. “We’ll put together a treatment in due time. There’s no need to panic. Now, has he been given any medication in the last week?”

“A few doses of sedatives.” Not that she wanted to start drugging his food without his knowledge again, but she was concerned for his safety. “He’s been irritable, recently.”

“What?” Jackie cut in. “I wasn’t being—“

She stepped on his shoe from under the table, keeping her expression on Callaghan all the while. Jackie stopped talking. Though his grip on the teacup was turning his knuckles pale, and the corners of his mouth were tense again.

The professor picked up a notepad from the table, then procured a fountain pen from his coat. He wrote in precise motions of his rough hand. “Was any Percocet administered? Oxycodone? Benzodiazepines?”

“No Percocet or oxycodone. I administered four milligrams of benzodiazepines for a week. Pentazocine, as well, fifty milligrams for two weeks. Some aspirin, occasionally, and some experimental drugs I developed."

“I see.” He nodded to himself and wrote something down. Then he gestured to Jackie. "How have you been feeling?"

“I'm fine,” Jackie said.

“You can be honest, Jackson. Such a situation can be stressful, I’m sure. I doubt Miss Rodriguez will harm you for speaking the truth in a medical setting.”

“Yes, I won’t. Go ahead, Jackie. Speak your mind.” She stared at him, waited, widening her eyes just enough that he would notice.

“I guess, I—“ He seemed to be profoundly uncomfortable. Stock-still as a rabbit on its hind legs, fidgeting with the cuff of his sleeve. “I guess I’ve been kind of… I don't know. I'm being honest, everything's okay."

This, too, was written down. Now Heather understood why Jackie disliked her tape recorders. “Is that true? You used some strong wording on the phone, Miss Rodriguez. I assumed it wasn't his choice to assist you."

She hesitated for as long as polite manners would allow. “It wasn't.”

Jackie had taken to staring, not just daggers, but bullet holes into the table.

“Well, we don’t need to get into details.” The pen scratched upon paper. “Just so that we cover all our bases—has he suffered a concussion, or any cranial injury of that sort?"

Removing his frontal lobe might have been detrimental. Heather decided to leave that topic alone. "No."

"I thought so. I've always known you to be careful. I do wonder, what became of you after leaving Oxford? It’s been some time, hasn’t it?”

“Five years. Or, I suppose it’s been six, from your perspective.” Callaghan left in her last year of study. His replacement was much less interesting, so Heather stopped taking psychology shortly after. “I continued researching on my own. If I worked under someone else's supervision, I would be wasting my time. You of all people should understand that, professor."

“Indeed. I understand why you might wish to keep this private. I think a change would be good for you, in fact. Especially after that loss in your family. Still, you were quite the student. If it means anything, I’m certain you’ll find success in your study.”

It did actually mean something. It meant quite a lot to her, in fact. She swallowed, tried not to show it on her face. Heather did not receive much support in her scientific endeavors, lately. She had been half-afraid that Callaghan wouldn’t entertain her at all, that he would dial the authorities right after hanging up. On the contrary, however. He had been nothing but pleasant during their reunion.

Jackie was starting to look bored.

Callaghan cleared his throat. “You, Jackson, what is your relationship with her?”

His head lifted. “It’s good.”

The professor glanced at Heather. “Would you agree with this statement?”

“Yes,” she replied slowly. “I would.”

“Interesting.” Callaghan was studying her expression intently. “There is no animosity between you two?”

“Not… particularly,” she said. “We have arguments, sometimes, but that's all.”

Jackie offered nothing on this subject. He resumed staring, into his tea this time.

“Interesting,” Callaghan repeated. “Miss Rodriguez, you informed me that he doesn’t have a family history of illness, correct? As far as you know.”

“Yes.”

“And the hallucinations are the main symptoms.” He nodded. He capped his pen but didn’t put the notepad down. “Jackson, I will need you to follow me. I have a soundproof room.”

Jackie hesitated, and so did she. “What do you need him for?” she asked.

“Oh, nothing invasive. I simply would like to ask a few questions in private.” Callaghan stood up. His cane resumed its place in his hand, tapping against the floor as he stepped away from the seat. “I find it helps patients to speak more freely. I wish you no harm, Jackson, so there’s no need to look so tense.”

“Sorry, sir.” He stood up as well, then followed Callaghan to a hallway around the corner.

Heather watched them leave. Once she was sure they were gone, she sighed and slumped in her chair. This was all for Jackie, she reminded herself. Also, partly to see Callaghan again, though it pained her to admit it. In Oxford, she was always surrounded by people. It was impossible to find a quiet place. Her father had died while she was abroad, so she came back to an empty house, and she hadn't gotten used to it. She didn't know anyone from work. It bored her. Or was it apathy? The days seemed to stagnate sometimes.

Well, that didn't matter anymore. There was nothing to worry about. Jackie would be cooperative. He had said so, practically promised it, swore it up and down, and she believed him.

A soundproof room. How quaint. Heather could get one of those. She and the professor had many shared interests, clearly. Though that shouldn’t have been reassuring, it was. She had never felt nervous around Callaghan, even as a baby-faced and vulnerable first year. She probably should have felt nervous. Nobody knew where she went during those 'night classes', and Callaghan carried a heavy shovel when they visited the graveyard. She had been alone with him for hours. Still, she never thought his intentions would sour.

It was a little unnerving that he could convince her so easily. It was the way he spoke. So calm all the time. And he was a trustworthy man. A solid pillar of the scientific community, of academia in general. Five long years. Six years, actually. She had missed him.

The clock up on the wall ticked, a higher-pitched sound than the clock in her own home. She tapped her hand against the seat’s arm while she waited.

A door creaked open in the hallway. She sat up straighter. There, in the far shadows of the room—only one person, Callaghan returning alone. She stood to greet him.

“Professor? Do you know what’s wrong?”

“There’s no need to fret, Miss Rodriguez.” He approached her. “I believe I have my diagnosis.”

“You do? Is it permanent? Is it—“ She frowned. “Professor, was my treatment of him too… harsh?”

“No, no.” He paused. “Well, yes, but that can’t be helped. A hostage situation always involves some level of stress, after all. But I don’t think the damage is excessive.”

“Then… what is it? What’s your diagnosis?” She gazed up at him with wide, hopeful eyes, though she was aware in the back of her mind that she probably looked ridiculous. Like a child. Callaghan was so much older than her, though. Taller than her, by half a foot at least. She couldn't compare.

“He certainly has a… strange relationship with you. There’s nothing to be done about that, I suppose. It must make your work easier, so…” He trailed off. “Well, aside from that, Jackson has experienced a great deal of strain. The hallucinations must originate from a combination of stress and heavy drug use. It’s not too uncommon. I’ve seen it in other patients before.”

“You have? Can he be cured?”

Callaghan shook his head. “I’m not sure about a cure, necessarily. It’s hard to say. He’s always going to be affected by it. But the symptoms can be managed. With some time and rest, the hallucinations could go away completely.”

“But, professor, why is he seeing spiders?”

“Ah, it’s a mystery.” He chuckled quietly. “But it’s not something to work yourself up about. Certainly, shadowy black objects are what a patient usually sees.”

That made sense. She nodded.

“Now, as for his treatment.” Callaghan produced two bottles of pills. White and the size of inkwells, labeled with rectangular green stickers. “This is anxiety medication.” He handed her the first bottle. “Administer that every day for a week. Don’t give him any grapefruit.” Then, the second bottle. “This is for sleep. Use it sparingly, since we don’t want him to develop a dependence.”

Alprazolam and Eszopiclone. “Thank you, professor.”

“It was my pleasure, Miss Rodriguez.”

“Yes, professor. I appreciate this, really. I can’t express my gratitude enough. I just have one question.” A worry, more like, a quiet fear at the back of her mind. “What should I do if he doesn’t get better? What if he gets worse?”

At this, Callaghan gave her a comforting look, a gentle certainty of an answer. “You could always dispose of him. I’m sure you are well aware of how we euthanize mice. An anesthetic and a sharp blade should be sufficient. If Jackson is no longer useful, there’s not much point in wasting resources on him.”

She forced her expression not to change. Even if Jackie could die, she couldn’t bear the thought. He was… he was her… well, whatever the word for it…

“Professor,” she said quietly, “you’re talking like he’s not human.”

His comforting look only grew in weight, and he placed a hand on her shoulder. “Heather, you’re very attached to him. I can see that. But you can’t get too attached. You will have to make some difficult decisions eventually. Don’t let emotions interfere with that.”

“Difficult decisions… like what?”

“Who truly knows? That’s the beauty of science, isn’t it? It’s full of surprises.” He was so calm about it all, as steady as an anchor. His hand lifted from her shoulder. “Don’t overwork yourself. Oh, and do keep in touch. Call me in a week. Jackson is a terribly fascinating patient, and I’d like to see how his condition progresses. To adjust doses and such.”

“Of course. I’ll call you.”

The warmth in his eyes was unmistakable. He had always been a sentimental man. It was the rosy tint of memory over them both. 

But this pause didn’t last long. Callaghan started. “Ah, I nearly forgot.”

He held out a business card. At least, she thought it was a business card. There were flowery gold embellishments around the sides, thin leaves and such, and lines of serifed black text in the center of it all. There was a name—Mary Callaghan, she read silently—and a number. Heather took it from his hand.

“That is my sister’s contact information,” he explained. “She has dealt with this sort of situation before. She would be happy to answer any questions. I’m not terribly experienced in this field, I’ll admit. Most of the people she deals with have stopped breathing by the time I get to them. Cadavers don’t make for interesting small talk, I’m afraid.” He laughed.

Heather laughed along with him, though she was thoroughly exhausted.

Callaghan soon cleared his throat and stepped aside. “You may retrieve Jackson and return home now. I greatly hope for your success.”

“Thanks.” She pocketed the card. “Thank you, professor. For everything.”

“You’re very welcome, Rodriguez.”

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Taglist:

@theelvishcowgirl @lthrboy @whumpy-wyrms

@yassifiedinformation @creppersfunpalooza

@vidawhump @dont-look-me-in-the-eye

[ladytauria]

Jaytimsteph falling in love with your best friends partner you say 👀 please say more

happily!

this one is being written as a prompt response to @waffleinator-inator <3

writing it was my first time writing steph pov and she just---ran away with me <3 basically: steph and tim are besties but also exes, because as much as they love each other, they finally decided to give up after one too many break-ups. and now! tim is with jason <3 and steph is really happy for him. really, and truly she is.

now.

if she could kindly tell herself to stop falling in love with jason too, that would be nice <3

i THOUGHT i had shared snippets of this wip before but i,,, have not. or if i have, i can't find them in my tags / through tumblr's search. which is upsetting bc it means i now have to pick which of these segments i want to share TuT

hm.

you know what.

actually i won't pick. you get um. 3 snippets <3

Steph spins her chair, balancing her elbow on the arm and cradling her chin in her hand. She thumbs her phone open. One unread message in the group chat she shares with Jason and Tim.

Her traitorous heart flutters; a smile curling on her mouth despite herself.

[TIM] gna mss mv nte. sry steph 😔 m SO bhnd on bdgt rvw; tam’s gna kill me. u 2 shld stl hve fn tho

Ah, yes. Timothy “vowels are optional” Drake. He’s the most atrocious texter Steph has ever met, and she hates that that makes her feel fond.

[STEPH] i thought you loved paperwork?

[JAY] No, he’s a stalker who loves digging through other people’s stuff. Actual paperwork he could care less about

[TIM] 🛑

[JAY] No <3 I told you to do it last night, babe.

[STEPH] lmao busted

[TIM] ws bsy

[JAY] He was gaming with Kon and Bart.

[TIM] & cassie & cissie

[JAY] And Cassie and Cissie.

Steph snorts.

[STEPH] oh, well, that was more important, obvs

[TIM] steph gts it

[JAY] Please don’t encourage him.

[STEPH] that sounds perfect. ur the best jay 💜

[TIM] 😭

[STEPH] do your paperwork, tim 💅🏼

[TIM] prsctn

[JAY] …wtf tim

[STEPH] damn, babe. u made jay drop capitals

[STEPH] but also. what the fuck tim

[TIM] persecution

[JAY] Would it really kill you to type out full words?

[TIM] y 🙂

[STEPH] losing battle, hon. we’re lucky he still uses letters.

He doesn’t bother with Cass. Their conversations happen in full emoji, like modern hieroglyphics. Steph gives herself an 80% chance of correctly deciphering them.

With the rest of them, Tim uses words. Or, well. Something approximate to words, chopping them down to their basest parts. It’s kind of entertaining, especially when it makes both Bruce and Jason furrow their brows in exactly the same way.Not that Steph would ever point that out. She has some sense of self-preservation.

Steph will always be a little bit in love with Tim Drake.

It’s something she’s come to accept about herself, the same way she accepts that her curls will always have a mind of their own, that her stretch marks are here to stay, and that her left knee will always ache before it rains.

She also knows that it’s best they stay just friends. Not that that’s a hardship, or anything. Tim is a hell of a lot better friend than he was a boyfriend—though in hindsight, Steph can admit she wasn’t a stellar girlfriend, either. They were young and dumb—or, well, younger and dumber—and now their history was too fraught to ever think about trying again.

Steph loves being Tim’s bestie, even when that means biting her tongue about his relationships.

Especially with Jason Todd of all people.

Steph can honestly say she never saw that coming.

Like, sure, okay. He’s hot. Steph can admit that, she’s got eyes.

He’s the kind of guy you could actually climb like a tree—tall and broad and thick to boot, with thighs made for biting and pecs Steph is pretty sure would fit nicely in one of her bras. He’s also handsome, in a rugged sort of way, with his twice broken nose and the scar curving up his cheek and his full, kissable lips. His curls always manage to be perfect, too—artfully messy, even when he falls asleep on the couch or takes off that helmet of his.

It’s enviable, really.

Some day she’ll ask him his secret.

But… Steph always kind of saw him as a walking bad idea. The kind of guy baby Steph would have adored, which… Steph loves baby Steph—or she’s trying to—but she had shit taste in men. And Jason, with his leather jackets and guns and daddy issues (and mommy issues too, come to think of it)—

He certainly fit the bill.

Except—

Despite all outward appearances… Jason is a good guy. He’s smart, and funny, and passionate, and kind, and—

Ugh.

Steph kind of hates him a little.

Because, like. Steph can handle thinking about Jason sometimes, in a not-so-friendly, maybe-a-little-bit-sexy way. Tim, too—or even both of them together. Maybe sometimes it gets a little awkward but… Fantasizing is human, and Steph is an adult. She can picture them fucking her and each other six ways to Sunday, doing whatever the raunchiest part of her brain cooks up, and still behave normally around them after.

She’s a grown woman. Her hormones are not the fucking boss of her.

So. Attraction? Handled. Steph has that shit on lock.

What she cannot handle is—Feelings.

[0nelittlebirdtoldme]

TikTok is FUMING over Jinx right now. A lot of people are dropping it and I don’t blame them, Jae is only gonna go downhill from here. I hope you don’t mind the really long ask cause I just have so many thoughts and no one to share with. I could write a thesis on Joo Jaekyung.

Honestly I had a whole interpretation of Jaekyung’s character and chapter 34 straight up changed that. He did two things I thought he would never do:

1) He aggressively put his hands on Heesung and directly threatened him with violence TWICE in the same chapter. I don’t think people realize how serious that is. He’s on equal footing with Heesung. They’re both celebrities. Both public figures. And for Jae, a fighter, an athlete, a scandal involving physical violence towards Heesung would literally RUIN his career. All this time I was thinking “Yeah, he’d never take his anger out on Heesung because they’re equals, Heesung’s got money and power. Dan is the weakest one in the situation so Jae will take it out on him” so look at me being a clown 🤡

2) He lied to Dan. For the first time in 34 chapters, he straight up manipulated him. Not tricked him. He directly intervened with his appointment with Heesung by lying, saying Heesung cancelled. It wasn’t even a GOOD lie!!! It was a half-assed, he didn’t even try to sound believable (because yes, Dan, you’re right, it makes NO sense for Heesung to contact Jae instead of you). But poor Dan believed him. My point is: I never took Jae for a liar, or even a manipulator. He was always either petty or very upfront about everything, so that shocked me. Which makes me believe now that Jae never lied to Dan until now because he never had to before. He always had full control of Dan as is, but the littlest threat to that hold on Dan made him do all that.

Ironic how half the fandom (me included) believed Heesung to be a conniving snake but turns out Jae’s the one who fits that description. In my mind, he was always a straight forward, violent douche. What you see is what you get kinda thing. And Heesung would be the “two-faced” douche to counter him. But Jae’s proven to be a lot more dangerous and sneaky ever since Heesung appeared. I guess this is the first chapter that legit has me thinking about how scary Jae is, not just because he’s violent, but because he’s shown he can be manipulative as well.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, i deeply appreciate it and honestly agree with so much about your essay.

I am a dark-content enjoyer. Nearly all my ships are fucked up, toxic or abusive. I went into Jinx knowing that it will have some skeevy stuff. However, i think this is actually the worst thing Jae has done so far. Yes, even worste than the sexual coercion. Because, as you said, until now he has been honest with Dan, and hasn't been withholding information (that we know of). He tells Dan when he wants to have sex, he tells him what he expects from him, he tells him how he feels about what they are doing. And Dan goes along with it, because as he thinks to himself, if he knows what is going to happen, if it is just this or that, then he can manage. But this "base of trust" has been completely ruined with chapter 34, when Jae does that stunt right in front of Heesung without Dan being aware.

I swear, my stomach dropped when i first saw that reveal, thinking for a hot second that he might let Heesung have his turn on Dan as well, without him even realizing.

That said, I never really got red flags from Heesung, and I honestly hope that he will reveal to Dan sooner rather than later what Jae has done. But for now, of course, we have to keep in mind that Jae has no problem getting phsyical, as well as the fact that he will lie, and manipulate and withhold knowledge without even batting an eye. So yeah, Jae is a manipulator, and a liar and just honest to God dangerous - curious to see how things will evolve from here.

[stillness-in-green]

On a happier note, according to the ninth popularity poll, Nimble actually won 32nd place! It was probably a joke vote, but I take it as a small Advisor win anyday!

(Or: a brief but salty comparison between the PLF Advisors and the Shie Hassaikai Eight Bullets)

I saw that!  In a paucity of great results (Monoma hitting #11, missing the color image by a single rank, is so MonomaCore I can't even be mad) and amidst some low-key scandal about uncounted votes, it was a small bright spot. Good for her!!  She deserved it, and so much more.

(Yes, I’m still annoyed that she was Spinner’s #1 and yet got so much less to do than his #2, who gets so much more in the way of personality and dialogue, and who is not-so-coincidentally male.  I love Scarecrow and have from the moment I attributed to him dialogue the anime wound up giving RD, but come on.)

Honestly, if you’ll forgive me for using your ask as a springboard for a rant, the general paucity on that front has lately had me thinking about the Shie Hassaikai arc, and how much better, comparatively speaking, Overhaul’s crew got treated.  All named, all with named and explained quirks, and all but one of them[1] have at least one factoid shared either within the story or in supplementary material about their backstories, their relationships, their motivations, or their roles within the gang!  We know Mimic is the gang’s accountant, for example, and we know Tengai is the newest member, specifically recruited to serve as a restraint on Rappa.

1: Sasaki Deidoro is, I think, the only one about whom we know nothing beyond his observable personality and quirks (both mundane and metahuman).  The closest we’ve got is the on-the-job drinking, and even with that, we don’t know for sure to what extent his quirk and his heavy drinking are entwined.  Does the strength of his quirk depend on the amount of alcohol in his system, similar to the prerequisites characters like Fat Gum, Suneater, Momo and Sato have, or does it work the same regardless and he simply prefers to be drunk?  His Ultra Anaylsis blurb says he loves alcohol and is always drunk—hardly a huge leap to make from what's in the manga itself—but is that because his quirk gives him a biological compulsion towards alcohol, making it difficult for him to live a normal life, which in turn led him to the yakuza?  Or is it more a factor of the sort of life he leads, difficulties in his personal history, the demands of his boss, etc? Would he still be an alcoholic either way?

On top of that, every single one has a minimum of one dedicated scene apart from their introductory spread in Chapter 138 and the group scene where Overhaul inducts Toga and Twice into the gang’s operations, and several, like Chrono, Mimic and Nemoto, get multiple such moments dedicated to them throughout the arc.  Even in defeat, we can account for them with relative confidence: the transports attacked by the League reported themselves as carrying 11 members of the Shie Hassaikai, presumably the Eight Bullets, Overhaul himself, Mimic, and Chrono.

Compare this to the advisors, who get exactly the same sort of introductory spread as the Eight Bullets do, but who are for the most part unnamed,[2] only Slidin’ Go getting his quirk officially named, the vast majority of them (17 out of 21) having no chance to even demonstrate what their quirk is, and many of whom not only never get dedicated scenes,[3] but are not even accounted for by the course of the story!  By my measure, only a third of them (7 of 21) can be earmarked as “definitely arrested”—one further, Hose Face, could be called definitely defeated, but given that Big Sis Bindi was in that first wave of people attacked by the Edgeshot+Midnight(+whichever students with ranged attacks they were in range of) combo and yet showed up later in a group shot of PLF remnants, even apparently decisive defeats may not necessarily result in a lieutenant being successfully captured if the Heroes on-scene have too much else to do.

2: And the handful we do get names for are not named in the course of their actual appearances as PLF members.  Slidin’ Go is named because he’s introduced as a Hero and gets a volume extra for that same chapter, several chapters before he’s explicitly identified as a member of the MLA and long before he appears in the roster of PLF advisors.  Sanctum’s identity as Twice’s #1 was just an educated guess based on Twice’s framing of the lecture he received and Hawks’s subsequent namedrop; it’s a guess the anime team made as well, adding a visual of Sanctum to the moment of Twice’s impression, but lord knows the anime does not always get everything right about the MLA!  Finally, Scarecrow might be named Disgustas, but that’s the thinnest guess of all, since it’s based on a scrawl of katakana under an artist sketch of the character included in a pile of other such sketches used as volume preview material.  It’s never used anywhere in the canon itself, and therefore, to me, is not specifically more reliable than any first-draft sketch of a character—it would be like basing your assumptions about Bakugou based on his discarded initial conception as an impossibly annoying prep!  Of the three, Slidin’ Go is the only one whose real name, as opposed to a code name, is known.

3: I would say only Galvanize, Scarecrow, Slidin’ Go and Hose Face rise to the level of having “dedicated scenes,” with Piercings Dude and Brand being the next-closest, the former getting a clear demonstration of his quirk and the latter getting one (1) characterful line of dialogue.  Nimble gets one or two lines of generic rabble rousing, but it lacks anything specific to grab onto as a characterization note, and in fact mostly serves to raise questions about how she’s talking when her face seems to utterly lack a mouth!  Giving her spoken dialogue actually undermines one of the most memorable aspects of her character design!

Three of the advisors are never seen again period after their introductory spread!  They aren’t shown in the opening rounds of the battle, they aren’t shown as escapees, they aren’t shown as arrested, and they appear nowhere in the second war.  They simply vanish entirely from the story; for all we know, Hawks could have guessed their identities wrong, or they could have gone back underground like the original MLA to make sure Liberation ideology survives!

And, of course, most glaringly, there’s the matter of their lack of characterization or defined motivation.

Looking back at the Hassaikai, Katsukame Rikiya—the big energy-draining dude fought by Ryuukyuu and co.—strikes me as the most thinly characterized on his face, being primarily defined by his boorishness towards Nejire, and not helped by the full-coverage bird mask.  Even he, though, has a supplementary note about how he’s a long-time member of the gang who was a "younger brother" (in the yakuza sense, not the familial one) to Overhaul, which suggests a rather charming admiration pulled straight out of the standard book of yakuza relationships, which is noticeably not a dynamic Overhaul has with anyone else in the gang!  All of them are pretty distinct, as much as can be hoped for of characters with their limited screen time; they're bolstered by on-screen connections to other members of the group or quirks that hint at how they came to be criminals.

Compare this over to the PLF.  The named MLA characters introduced during My Villain Academia are all relatively clearly drawn people, with only Geten lacking a real full name and only Trumpet so much as a hint of personal backstory.  All of them have roles, personality, specific ways they engage pursuing the cause, differing shades of belief in what the cause even entails, all that great stuff. 

But the advisors? Aside from their fantastically varied and diverse designs, they're far thinner.  Other than the previously introduced Slidin’ Go, their personalities are virtually identical—militant zealots—with only the barest of discernible differences that trace mostly, again, to the expressiveness of their great designs.  Galvanize and “Red” come off as pretty chill; Sanctum seems more stern than fiery; Big Sis Bindi and Aster have a “cool” vibe.

But that’s the issue: they “come off” that way; that’s “the vibe” they have.  I’m having to guess that based mostly on isolated pictures with no dialogue and little action.  When they get dialogue, what we get is that same “militant zealot” tack, and worse, there’s a choking, overflowing infusion of overt supremacist rhetoric that previously Geten-whose-name-means-Apocrypha was the only character to openly espouse.  As for why those characters believe this—other than as a meta-narrative device to make them less sympathetic—and how they came to be members of the group, none of that gets explored.  The few who do get “dedicated” fight scenes with other characters still get stunningly little time to establish themselves.

Compare the three full chapters (plus bits around the edges of Kirishima's two-chapter flashback) we get with Rappa and Tengai with the single scene Galvanize gets that ends with him ignominiously wiping out against Kaminari.  Compare the two chapters—with space given to specifically showcase their bonds with each other, their individual backstories, and how they came under Overhaul’s dubious wing!—allotted to the Trash Trio before Suneater overcomes them, expressing sympathy and admiration in the moment he does so, with the incredibly cruel-minded showcase Scarecrow gets, his own internal monologue undermining any attempts to read him sympathetically, only the scar on his head even implying anything about his own experience with discrimination, before Koda angrily and summarily pushes him off the roof of a tall building.

And those are the two who do the best!  Hose Face is such a cartoon he has to be made to gloat out of nowhere about a random woman he killed on the battlefield months prior, doubtlessly not the only person he killed that day or in the time since, for no reason but that Horikoshi no longer had the time—or perhaps the freedom—to explain how Hose Face came to have the beliefs he does such that his opponents in the story and the readers of the story can regard him with the slightest trace of empathy or compassion.

It's just pretty fucking egregious all-round.  So, to circle back around to the actual content of the ask (sorry), I’m glad that at least 403 people probably a small handful of extremely dedicated fans with money to burn, be it as a joke or not, looked past the bullshit and voted for Nimble anyway.  The advisors all deserved the kind of attention and care that would have had a handful of dedicated fans voting for them, in the same way that members of the Hassaikai other than Overhaul still show up in the polls to this day.

Thanks for the ask, @shockersalvage! And I'm sorry for using your happier note mostly to complain orz.

P.S. I admit this is a bit unbalanced because a chunk of what we know about the Hassaikai cast does come from the databooks, and we hadn't even met the advisors yet back when Ultra Analysis was released! So maybe if we get a third and final databook once the series actually ends, the advisors will get some blurbs as well.

But cripes, given the quality of their writing in the endgame, do I even want them to? I think I'd prefer Horikoshi just give them canon names and then leave them alone.

[irontragedyreview]

Well after the analysis or attempted analysis of Tomura, it's time to talk about Izuku. As I said with Tomura, many men who read shonen should be prohibited from making interpretations about certain character traits or even commenting the manga. Seriously, since the leaks came out and began to be commented on, a large number of men have commented on the recent events about Izuku and his arms as a kind of punishment for wanting to do a talk no jutsu (Guys, please let Naruto rest, I love Naruto but even I know when to blurt out certain things and this complaint in different fandoms is already pathetic).

Before doing any analysis of Izuku, I want to make certain points clear. 1) Izuku and his fight aren’t over yet, there is still fight in that boy and we are talking about Izuku who fought to rescue bk without his two arms too, so yes I don't think this will take him out of the fight; 2) I can't guess what will happen to Izuku's arms, the truth is that there are two possible ways for his arms to be returned by a quirk I doubt it's Eri, she doesn't have enough energy, either Chisaki, since as far as we know he can’t use his quirk without arms, perhaps Tomura when he returns can do so considering the original nature of decay, but considering that the quirk implanted in him was modified in a laboratory, I don't know if it can evolve like that. Another option is for Horikoshi to go for what we already know prosthetics after the war, so far no character with lost limbs has recovered them; 3) Tomura isn’t dead, he is there and he is going to emerge to kick AFO's ass along with Izuku; 4) Sorry to all Aizawa fans but the truth is I'm not very interested in his plot with Shirakumo, honestly the most interesting thing about seeing Kurogiri again would be to see if Shirakumo had recovered his true identity and know if there is any part of him that he cares about Tomura beyond Kurogiri's programming.

Having said that, let's start with Izuku. One of the things that led me to write this analysis of him was the number of times I saw that the loss of his arms is a kind of punishment for not wanting to kill Tomura (seriously, men get out of your edgy phase and stop of thinking that characters with compassion are inferior who don’t accept reality) and on the other hand that this was a chronicle announced by Midoriya's recklessness, on this point I don’t disagree with the idea that Izuku losing a limb hasn’t been mentioned more than once in the manga also he was obviously going to get physical injuries outside of the OFA with gearshift , but I disagree with comparing this moment to Midoriya being reckless.

I’m not going to deny that Midoriya tends to be reckless, many of his fights and his trip with the OFA were him pushing his body to the limit, but this wasn’t out of pure recklessness, no one who reads the manga and understands Midoriya's character can’t ignore the way he’s always trying to be enough, above all Izuku fears failing the people who gave him a chance. His first meeting with All Might when his hero tells him to see reality and leaves while walking home Izuku tells himself that he shouldn’t cry, that he knew it was a fantasy. I say this because one of the main points that many forget when they criticize Midoriya is that he never prepared his body, but the truth is that he was always realistic for what society told him he should expect, his notebooks and his desire to be a hero were a desperate attempt to deny that reality that everyone wanted to mark him, but when All Might his hero tells him to abandon, there is no reason to deny it anymore and it’s in this first chapter where Midoriya considers accepting his reality twice, the first once with All Might and the second time with bk before AM offered him OFA.

With All Might everything changes, for the first time someone gives him the opportunity that he dreamed so much however, we see for the first time the carelessness he has for himself, in his training he overexerts and reaches a fatigue that makes him makes him faint, AM notices the overdemand and scolds him but Izuku knows that he´s at a disadvantage against others, it’s unhealthy but he understands that everyone there has been born with quirks and has been training for longer than him, so he really wants to take this change, he’ll have to put in the effort. Here AM should have insisted that Izuku focus on his health, but again AM also doesn’t know how to set a limit to his own demands, and therefore he is not the one to set a limit, if he adjusts his routine but doesn’t prevent the overdemanding of Midoriya continued his development.

Throughout the manga, Izuku has taken his body to unexpected limits, his first fight with Muscular, Eri's arc where to stop the advance of the rewind he took the OFA to its maximum so he destroyed himself at the same speed Eri healed, the entire first war arc where his fight with Tomura is literally fierce, and his solo arc where he is pushed to the limit of standing. I say all this because Izuku's recklessness comes from his own conception of heroism that leaves aside his own well-being, but above all because Izuku separates his own self between Deku who can do it and the useless Deku who can't save anyone, He sees himself this way because he hates his old self, the quirkless, defenseless part, the one that AM saw at first and told him that he couldn't be a hero, even today no one has told Midoriya in his face that he can be a hero without a quirk, which is more than enough, no one told him that, class 1A told him that they were friends, Ochako said that he was special for himself not because of his quirk and when Aoyama introduced himself as a traitor and Kirishima said something like "what does it matter that he doesn't have a quirk", none of these are words of encouragement for someone who lived much of his childhood being bullied and attacked.

All this brings us to chapter 419, some say is the result of recklessness or in the case of many others a punishment that Midoriya deserves for wanting to save a villain, seeing compassion as weakness and harm as punishment is so stupid about all because there is something much more interesting and devastating. Izuku during all this time is sacrificing every piece of himself to reach Tomura, he sacrificed OFA and now his own arms because he really wanted to reach him, he’s fulfilling his own words he wants to know, he needs to understand so that their confrontation isn’t just senseless violence and the saddest thing is that trying to reach Tomura and finally take his hand, refusing to let him go even if it could disintegrate him, is the act that allowed AFO to take control again.

All this time Izuku is doubtful, he doesn't have a certain plan because the situation is difficult but he also can't ignore that crying child, that's why when Tomura screams that he’s beyond salvation or no longer human, Izuku continues to insist the opposite and the moment where he finally catches up to him is the moment where he loses, because Izuku's actions weakened Tomura and allowed AFO to take control, but one thing should be clear Izuku wasn’t reckless when he took Tenko's hands, he knew the consequences and he still wanted to reach him, he wouldn’t regret it because if there is something that characterizes Izuku as a character, it’s the great capacity he has to feel compassion and his kindness.