#i don’t think i could ever delete mine now lmao

[miela]

Shattered Memories • Chapter X: The Return of a Hero • {Peter Parker x Stark!Reader}

Chapter Genre: Heartfelt Angst, F L O O F Y Fluff Chapter Warnings: back to a regular-sized chapters lmao Extra: next chapter is gonna be smut and it might be posted before the next update. Word Count: 3.4k

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It’s been no more than fifteen minutes since Peter left and you were in the conference room holding the Helmet of the Iron Suit of your late father. You were sitting on the table again as you looked out the window at the New York City skyline in contemplation as the ghosts of Peter’s words echoed and danced around your head. 

Me, a hero, you thought. 

You knew that you used to be an Avenger. You used to be a damn good one actually, but that didn’t mean that you were a good hero. Anyone can save a life but not everyone can truly be a hero. And now that you think about it, you don’t think you ever saw yourself as a true hero. 

You didn’t see yourself like how you saw Steve.

You didn’t see yourself like how you saw Nat.

You didn’t see yourself like you saw your dad.

And you certainly didn’t see yourself like how you saw Peter. 

You were meant to be a legacy, not a hero. You were meant to change the world through business and philanthropy. That was your place. 

You were Corporate America, not Captain America.

If Peter really knew what happened five years ago, he would understand why you couldn't see yourself as a hero. If he knew how you're responsible for the pain and loss and downfall of many people because of your selfishness, he would understand why you tucked your suit in a far corner. You were doing a favor by staying in your place as an American Sweetheart and not an American Hero. 

Then…if that’s the case why do you feel this yearning? Like you're supposed to be out there doing more? 

You sighed and looked down at the helmet that your father once wore. Inside of it was a message that he left for you years ago that you refused to look at because you knew that it was his farewell message to you and that meant that it was final and that he wasn't coming back. 

You felt that now was the time to see it. 

You activated the system in the helm as a hologram came up through the eyes of the mask. You clicked around until you found the file that read "FOR ELDEST LITTLE ME" which brought a smile to your face.

You took a deep breath and pressed play. A life-sized hologram of your dad came up. 

Hey Daughter number one, I hope you never have to see this message. But it’s like you say many times “shit happens, and it’s our responsibility to be prepared for it.” So I’m taking a page out of your book and doing just that. Preparing for the shit that may or may not happen. 

If you’re seeing this message that means I’m dead. Or I lived and you got nosey and I forgot to delete this. Whatever. If I’m alive, delete this right now or I’ll hide all your guitars in some off-shore estate of ours. Including the one on your bedroom wall. If I’m dead then…well, stay tuned. 

I’m going to cut right to the chase. Don’t blame yourself for my death. None of this is on you. There was nothing you could have done to save me and I mean nothing. Things played out exactly how they were supposed to. You did everything you were supposed to and I’m so proud of you. 

I want you to live your life and I want you to be happy. I know you’re gonna love Morgan and I know that you and Pepper will take care of each other. You’re gonna grow to be this powerful person in the world just like you always wanted to be. This world will try and knock you down because you are different and you constantly break the status quo, even if I specifically told you not to. Keep being a swiftie, keep playing guitar, keep dancing, keep creating things, and keep being a little smart ass too. I don’t want you to blame yourself for something that you had no control over. 

You will make mistakes, some probably as big as mine and I’m sorry that you have to be left with the mess I made in my lifetime. People will try to knock you down because of me. People will try to discourage you because of me. People will try to destroy you because of me. You will have enemies everywhere and at some point it will probably cause you to be your own worst enemy. So here’s a word of advice from your dear ol’ dad:

“Don’t give up before you can see what happens when you persevere.” 

Yes, I came up with that quote because I am a freaking genius.

Remember what I always told you. “Behind that heart of iron, there is gold.” You are headstrong, stubborn and so damn rebellious but it’s because you care about others, you care about making this world a better place, and you care about saving the earth that we all live on. 

And for that, you are a hero, whether you believe it or not. 

I love you, 3000, (Y/N). When the time comes, I'll see you on the flipside.

By the time the message ended, you were crying. You picked up the Iron mask and leaned your forehead against it. You let out a sob as a wave of emotions washed over you. 

“Thank you, dad…” you whisper to the mask. “I love you, 3000.”

You sat there and cried for a good twenty minutes before you calmed down. You took a deep breath, got up, and walked into the office of the penthouse, a place you avoided like the plague because of all the memories of Tony Stark living in it. 

You were unlocking all types of bravery today.

When you stepped inside you walked over to the desk and set down the mask right in the center of it before patting it softly two times. You walked around the office and looked around at the different decor and pictures that were placed nicely on shelves and the desk. There was a picture of you, Pepper and Tony and another one with Morgan, Pepper and Tony. They made you smile as you looked over and noticed another two pictures. 

One was of you and Peter. 

You both were hugging each other cheek to cheek with big smiles on your faces. You noted how young you both looked and how happy you both were with youthful twinkles in your eyes and baby faces much like how you were in the scrapbook pictures. The other picture was of you, Peter, and Harley all making funny faces and wearing Stark Internship tee shirts as a joke (and as proof for Aunt May and Harley's mom that they're doing something other than Avenger's Hero work). You giggled to yourself.

"All the clues I needed, right in here in the only place I didn't look," you smile to yourself. "Figures."

You set the photo back down as a notification popped up on your stark specs.

"A message from Spiderman," FRIDAY chimed. "Or better yet, your boyfriend."

You hummed in amusement with a smile. "Open it please."

"Certainly."

Through the specs, you could see a picture of the Avengers Tower in the distance and a red webbed hand doing a finger heart at it. The caption was a red heart. Your smile widened as you faced the window, did a finger heart at it, and sent him a picture of it with a heart caption back. 

You wanted to ask him how patrolling was going, but your mind decided on other things. You made your way to your room down the hall and made a beeline to the walk-in closet filled with your business clothing that you would rather keep there than at home. You walked inside and made your way to the very back and stopped at the long mirror that stood in front of you. You sighed and put your hand on the hidden scanner on the side of the mirror. A blue light Illuminated around your hand. 

"Welcome back, Silk," the system said as the mirror turned around and revealed your spider suit. "It's been a long time."

You looked at the white, black, and red one-piece with minimal gold details and minimal blue LED lights. You had almost forgotten what it looked like and you were about to remember what it felt like.

You smiled. "Yeah, it has."

Next thing you know you were in the suit, with your full white mask on and your white hood up. It was just as comfortable as you remembered. It felt liberating, freeing and right wearing the suit and now you were going to put it to the test. You strapped on your web shooters and tested them to make sure that they still work. Then you made your way to the platform outside. 

"Shall I notify, Peter?" FRIDAY asked through your mask.

"No," you replied with excitement and nervousness flowing through your body. "I'll surprise him."

You took a deep breath that came out more shaky than you would’ve liked. You haven't done this in so long and you honestly felt like you were going to run into a building or something. And although you can make webs from your fingertips, you haven’t really haven’t used your webs in a while either, so you opted for the web shooters that you also used in combat before.

Oh god, what if the fluid is no good anymore? You thought.

"You're afraid,” FRIDAY stated.

"Is it obvious?” You asked as you took the web fluid container to check it from the web shooter. “I haven't done this in five years."

"Just like your first time, it’s a leap of faith."

“FRI, that leap of faith could have me seeing my father on the flipside much sooner than planned.”

“You could summon an iron suit for emergency purposes.”

"You're right." You took a deep breath and put the container back in the slot of the web shooter. "Here goes faith."

And with that, you ran across the platform and dove off. The fall was terrifying but invigorating. The wind was harsh and cold but in an instant reaction, your suit auto-warmed you. You shot a web from the shooter as it attached to a building and you swung across the veins of the city. Once you got the hang of it from your muscle memory, you flung yourself high up in the sky over some of the buildings and did a flip. You could hear people from down below pointing you out and you waved as you passed by them. You smiled from behind your mask as you swung and ran on the side of buildings, careful to not hit windows. You landed on top of a building and laughed happily to yourself as your heart raced in your chest.

You almost couldn’t believe you gave this up. Almost.

"Man, I missed this."

"Spiderman detected nearby. About five blocks over." FRIDAY stated as she showed you his location.

"Thanks, FRI."

You swung and leaped from building to building until you felt your senses tingle. You land on the building where he was at. He was spider-squatting (as you two called it)  on the edge and looking down at the street. You began walking quietly over to him.

"Friend detected," FRIDAY chimed. "Hello Karen."

"Hello FRIDAY," Karen chimed back.

You lay your hands on his shoulders softly and his body instantly relaxed at your touch. You sensed a form of happiness from him. 

"You came," you could hear the smile in his voice.

You leaned against him, wrapped your arms around his waist, and hugged him from behind. He turned his head towards you as you rested your chin on his shoulder. He kisses your cheek through his mask as heart emotes pop up on the screen through your mask lenses. Your face burned. 

"I did."

"What changed your mind?"

"I wanted to see your ass in the suit again."

Peter laughed in response. “Is that why you made the suit so form-fitting?”

“No,” you replied with a giggle. “But I’m certainly not complaining.”

“I’m not complaining about yours either,” he said lowly in your ear which caused your face to burn even more.

He smirked under his mask knowing what your silence meant.

"How long have you been staking out here?"

"Since I sensed you like three minutes ago," he explained. 

You smiled and then moved to sit next to him. "I decided to try the hero thing again. If I'm gonna do it with anyone, I'm glad it's you." 

He was looking at you when you looked back at him. He then moved his covered hand to cradle your masked face gently and you leaned into it as your mask showed you closing your eyes. His thumb caressed the apple of your cheek gently and you let out a soft breath at the sweetness of it all. 

"Are you okay?" He asked softly with obvious worry in his voice. "I sensed your sadness earlier."

You look up at him with a covered smile. "I'm okay. I just found a message from my dad and it just kinda got to me," you explained and put your hand over his. "But I'm okay." 

"You sure?" 

You nodded and then stood up. 

“Let’s go protect the little guy,” you held your hand. “Together.”

He took your hand and stood up. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

You nodded. “Me too.”

Both of you swung through the streets of New York City. You stopped several things from happening including petty thefts, muggings, car accidents, and children from getting themselves into danger unintentionally. You mostly assisted more than anything, which neither of you minded since it’s been a while since you’ve done any heroic justice work. 

After a while, you guys stopped and got some food to replenish the energy you used. Peter settled with a sandwich while you got a wrap and you guys split your food in half and gave it to one another. You both sat on the edge of the roof of a lower-rise building scanning the streets for any suspicious activity.

"You got one thing wrong earlier," you started. "In your big ass rom-com speech."

"Oh?" Peter looked at you. "Enlighten me."

"Draco Malfoy and Aaron Warner aren't my book boyfriends anymore," you smirked. "I've moved on from them."

"Oh really?" Peter mused. "Care to share with the class?"

"Why? So you can feel some type of way about him too? Nah I'm good."

"Oh, come on!" 

You giggled and took another bite of your wrap. "I'll tell you once he's ready to meet you."

He scoffed and shook his head with a playful smile. "I'll just ask Morgan."

You snorted. "She probably does know. Speaking of, she told me you helped her out yesterday. Thank you for that."

"Don't mention it," he smiled and took the last bite of his sandwich.

You looked out into the skyline of the city and scanned over its beauty before letting out a sigh. You felt the happy chemicals working through your body over time and smiled to yourself as you finished your food. 

"So," you began. "I know this question is annoying as hell but what do you plan on doing after college?"

"I have a few options," Peter started. "But the two that resonate with me most are working in a lab or being an educator."

You look at him. "You wanna become a teacher?"

Peter nodded. "I love science as you know and I have a passion for it. I know it's not for everyone and some kids struggle with it y'know? so I would love to share my passion with them and show them that even though they're not good at the subject they can still get some sort of fulfillment from trying. Like the scientific method. Also, some kids need someone who they can turn to when bullies happen and when they're struggling. I'm no counselor but I could help them connect to one."

Your heart swelled. He is just so pure and too good for this world. You couldn't understand why the universe would ever want to do any harm to him when he's such an angel. All he wanted to do was make this world a better place in the best way he could. 

You pouted.

"You're such a sweetheart," you pecked his lips. "My sweet boy."

He blushed. "I-I-It's nothing, really."

"To some kid out there, one day, it'll be everything."

He looked at you again and he could tell that had a loving look in your eye. You both leaned in and kissed each other softly. Kissing Peter had become one of your favorite things in less than twenty-four hours. And if you said it out loud, Peter would agree with you.

"Oh my god!" You heard a shriek from below and both of you reacted by whipping your heads around and pulling down your mask.

There was a group of three girls at the bottom of the building gawking up at the both of you. 

"Silk! Is that you?!" The girl who shrieked before asked. She had long braided locs that were tied up in pigtails, dark skin, and big brown eyes that sparkled at the sight of you both. She wore a black long-sleeved turtle neck and a black pleated skirt under a hot pink corset. She has fishnets on her legs and demonias on her feet and several spikes accessories to top the outfit. 

She reminded you of Draculaura from Monster High.

You smiled and waved down at them. "Hello," you sang, putting on your best Brooklyn accent.

"You came back!" The girl chimed excitedly. "Everyone thought you were dead!"

"No, they didn't," a girl next to her corrected. She had long wavy brown hair and she wore an oversized maroon sweater that looked nice against her tan skin, with a white flowy skirt, Doc Martens, a denim jacket full of embroideries and patches, and a white beanie on her head. "Spidey said on many occasions that she was taking a break due to unknown reasons."

You looked at Peter who shrugged. 

"I didn't know what else to say," he whispered so only you two could hear.

"Are you two dating?" The other girl who was with them asked curiously. She had short blonde hair and wore a green crew neck sweater over a white turtleneck and a pair of loose mom jeans with Doc Martens. 

"Uh, duh? Why wouldn't they be?" The Draculaura girl said with a smile. "They're, like, perfect for each other! He picked up the slack so she could take a break! That's sooooo sweet! Iron Spider Duo is the OTP!"

You couldn't help but giggle like an idiot with your hand over the area where your mouth would be as you crossed a leg over the other.

God, she's so cute, Peter thought as he blushed under his mask. 

"Where are you girls headed?" You asked. "You shouldn't be walking by yourselves at this hour."

"Oh, we ubered here to this cafe," White beanie replied. "And we should get inside so we can meet up with everyone else!" She urged the other two to go inside. 

"Wait, can we get a picture with you?" The blonde asked.

You and Peter exchanged looks and shrugged in a why not manner before jumping down and posing with them. After that, you saluted them a goodnight as they hurried inside to meet up with whoever they were supposed to meet up with.

"We do make a good pair don't we?" You smiled and nudged his arm playfully.

"We sure do," Peter nudged back.

After that, you patrolled some more before calling it a night. When you two finally got back to the tower, it was one in the morning. Nothing big as an Avengers-level threat happened on patrols and so you both still had some energy. But that could also be your senses being happy.

You missed this. You were all smiles and adrenaline high when you walked back in.

"I'll take a shower in the locker room," Peter smiled and before he could turn and walk away you grabbed his arm. He looked at you wondrously in response.

"Why waste water?" You smiled softly looking at him with a longing in your eyes. 

Peter's eyes widened slightly as he looked at you. His wild eyes betrayed him as they traced over your body and just as you do a lot of justice in that suit, that suit was doing you a lot of justice. 

He pressed his lips together and licked them as he nodded at you. You smiled, taking his hands and walking him towards your bedroom.

~

Tags:

@chrisevans-realwife @riordanness @peterdarlingg @thecrystalclarity @brckenmemories @paleprincesssxo @blackcanary130 @kindlover @i-have-no-life-charlie @melodicheauxxlovesfood

[peterparkersnose]

Apologies

pairing: Sebastian Sallows x fem!reader

word count: 2.8k

warnings: takes place sixth year, teasing, comments about the readers appearance, slight swearing from sebastian, nothing too bad here

a/n hi let’s not bully this fanfic to the point of deletion like the last one :) We do not support JK Rowling here and her views. Hate will be blocked and deleted. Also, don’t ask why Y/N has lipstick on her chin. Sebastian is probably sloppy anyways. Love the mc gifs, even though mine was brunette 😒. Anyways, MC isn’t any specific house in this story so feel free to choose your own!

side note: this is the first fic i edited with grammarly. no clue why i haven’t before, i use it on all my school papers. enjoy the somewhat grammatically correct fic! probably first one ever lmao

summary A joke Sebastian makes goes a little too far

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read time: 10 mins 31 seconds

“And don’t you just look wonderful today, Y/N!” Poppy cheered, joining your side as you walked down the Hogwarts halls. You smiled, knowing exactly what she was referring to.

“Thank you, Poppy! You look splendid as well,” you smiled, returning the compliment to your Hufflepuff friend. Poppy hastily ran in front of you and opened the door to Charms class. Your eyes quickly scanned the classroom, not looking for anything in particular. When they landed on him, your heart seemed to skip a beat like it always did.

Sebastian was already there; he and Ominis were arguing sitting at the table adjacent to yours and Poppy’s. Your eyes immediately snapped to the boy, but only briefly.

Sebastian was dressed down today, which suddenly made your appearance feel out of place. His white button-down with rolled-up sleeves and a loose Slytherin tie looked so simple in comparison to your new look. You yearned to take a second glance, but you were sure it would have been too obvious that you were looking at him.

As you took your seat and spoke to Poppy, you occasionally let your gaze drift beyond hers and to the boy— his hair was messy. Had he even combed it this morning? You could just visualize him ruffling it for just a brief moment, looking in the mirror, and thinking ‘Good enough’. He would be shrugging his shoulders and following Ominis out the door as he yelled at Sebastian for making him late.

The way his shoulders were spread as he lay his head in his arms placed on the table was almost enchanting to look at. Was he speaking to Ominis or the girl at the next table? Your heart began to race, as you didn’t want to know the answer to that question. His head bowed once more before he sat upright. Yawning, he stretched his arms behind him and his gaze suddenly met yours. As you snapped your gaze back to Poppy, you heard him let out a tired groan. Oh, he knew what he was doing.

“Y/N?” Poppy asked as you re gained your focus back on the conversation you were having. “Yes!” you answered, a little too loudly and confidently.

“What is it?” Poppy inquired, turning her head to see exactly what you were looking at.

“Poppy! Not now,” you whispered and looked down at your shoes. “He’s smirking, you know. Playing with the end of his tie like an idiot.”

“You were saying?” you asked, changing the subject back to the original topic. “Sorry,” Poppy sighed. You gave her a comforting smile. “What color is that? On your lips,” she asked. You took the tiny tube of lipstick out from your robes, opened the cap, and showed Poppy. “Imelda let me use her dark cherry balm she got from Hogsmeade. She said it suits my complexion well but… I’m still not quite sure.”

You had spent all night practicing with Imelda. In previous days you had expressed your interest in makeup after noticing Imelda’s long eyelashes and flushed cheeks. She taught you the right way to apply makeup and how to make it look simple. The first time you applied your own she described it as ‘horrendous’. So, after staying up hours after curfew, you finally mastered the look you were going for. Imelda reviewed it and let you finally out of the dormitory after making sure you weren’t going to class looking like a fool.

“You're going to have to teach me sometime! It looks absolutely stunning. I’m not sure how you don’t have every prefect swooning over you right now.” Poppy said, gazing over your makeup look. “I would love to teach you sometime Poppy, what about—”

As you were about to finish your sentence, you heard the stool next to Poppy scrape against the floor. Before you knew it, the brown-haired boy leaped from the student section and onto the floor. He then approached your table, simply placing his hands firmly near the edges of your textbook, and looked down at you.

“What was I hearing about prefects?” he asked, squinting and studying your face. If the blush wasn’t enough, you were sure you were bright red.

“Are you interested in becoming one next year?” he asked. You shrugged, trying to ignore his addicting gaze. Poppy smiled and happily answered the question for you “I was just saying how I was surprised that—”

“Poppy!” you proclaimed, hitting her boot with the tip of yours. All in good fun, Poppy was one to exploit your confided crush on Sebastian any day.

“I have no interest in becoming a prefect, Sebastian.” you sighed, finally giving in and looking up at him. He took a step back, still squinting.

“Are you interested in becoming a clown then? With this new look, you’ll make a perfect carnie.”

Sebastian was expecting an eye roll and some slight beratement from you for that comment, but instead, he was met with a wide eyed-lips partially parted look from you. For the first time ever he considered that he may have crossed the line with you.

You were unsure of what to say.

“Sebastian!” Ominis called from their table. “Leave her alone. You have better things to do with your time than berating our friend.”

Poppy gave your arm a reassuring pat as Sebastian awkwardly made his way back to his seat. “He didn’t mean it. He’s just a stupid boy, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” she whispered to you just as Professor Ronan began his descent down the stairs from his office.

The pit in your stomach grew as the thought of Sebastian Sallows calling your work that you worked so hard on a ‘carnie’ ran through your head. 

-

“You're being oddly still,” Ominis whispered to Sebastian. He didn’t answer, Sebastian just stared blankly at the rug pattern Professor Roman was walking upon. Ominis poked Sebastian with his wand.

“I’m fine.” he gritted between his teeth. In reality, he was replaying the encounter he had with you just minutes before. Oh, how he wishes he could just suck those words back in. He always seems to mess something up.

“What exactly did you say to Y/N?” Ominis asked. Sebastian let out a sigh. “Nothing-”

“You're a terrible liar.”

“You're a terrible see-er,”

“Your comeback was weak.” Ominis sighed. “Just like your game,” he added.

“My what?”

The room was suddenly quiet and all eyes were on Sebastian. He had said that way too loudly.

“Is everything-” Professor Ronan began to ask Sebastian, but was interrupted.

Garreth Weasley had just made his way into the classroom. The large doors boomed as they shut behind him.

Garreth was a flirt. He would always try to make moves at you that you kindly rejected, but now it was more fun than serious.

He looked your way with a smooth look on his face, but his emotions quickly dropped. “Merlin’s beard Y/N! What did you do, make out with Peeves? He seems to have gotten some of those crazy colors on you!”

“Garreth!” Poppy shouted, doing her best to defend her friend.

That was enough of this makeup business.

You slammed your stool in as you left the Charms classroom almost in tears. Making your way towards the nearest bathroom, you looked in the mirror and looked at the running mascara down your cheeks.

Back in the classroom, there was a stir. Sebastian rose from his seat and met Garreth where he was standing. He took out his wand in one hand, and in the other he grabbed Garreth’s collar, jolting the boy slightly.

“Do that again, and you’ll wish you didn’t.”

Garreth stared at Sebastian with confused fear in his eyes. Sebastian’s grip on his collar tightened as his wand was pointed at Garreth’s neck. Usually, Sebastian was one to go along with his antics; why such the change now?

“Mr. Weasley and Mr. Sallows!” Professor Ronan yelled, causing Sebastian to drop his hold on Garreth. “This behavior is unacceptable! I will be having a word with your Aunt, Mr. Weasley.”

Garreth groaned. 

“And for you, Mr. Sallows— return to your common room. We will discuss this matter later,” Professor Ronan said, shoving the two boys even farther apart with his hands.

An excuse to miss class? Sebastian would have done this ages ago if he knew it would have had this result. You didn’t have to ask him twice.

As Sebastian turned the corner and was about to descend down the stairs, he noticed your books piled outside the bathroom. He hesitated to at first, but he pressed his ear against the door. Tiny sniffles came from inside. His hand wrapped around the doorknob, but to no avail. It was locked.

“Alohamora,” he whispered.

Your ears perked as you heard the lock on the restroom click. Quickly, you tried to collect yourself and be as silent as you could to allow the other girl to use the restroom. Or maybe it was Poppy coming to check in on you. Either way, you wanted to be alone. You stared down at the towel in your hand, smeared with the work you were so proud of just minutes before.

And then suddenly, you heard a voice. One you never expected to hear in a woman’s restroom.

“Y/N?” Sebastian asked.

What was he doing in here?

His shoes suddenly came into view as he walked in front of your stall.

“Go away, Sebastian.”

He sighed. “I can’t just do that,”

You sat silently, hoping that if you tried hard enough you could apparate somewhere else.

“Are you decent?” Sebastian asked. “Huh?” you replied, confused. Another swift “Alohamora” came from Sebastian. You rose from the toilet and slammed your arm against the door, using your whole body weight to keep him out. But to no avail, Sebastian was taller and stronger than you.

He was taken aback as you came into view. His heart simply broke at the vision in front of him.

“No,” he whispered almost in shock as he entered the stall with you. The guilt began to rise as he knew he was partially responsible for this.

“Sebastian please,” you begged, turning away. It was embarrassing enough that he had to see you like that; make-up smeared on your face that was left over and tear-stained cheeks weren’t the ideal look.

He took your hand carefully. Only entwining a few fingers at first before you allowed his hand into yours, against your better judgment. He walked out of the stall with you and stood in front of a sink.

“Sit,” he ordered. You stared at him in confusion. “Go on, don’t make me lift you.”

You leaped on the countertop and shuttered a bit as your skirt lifted and your bum hit the cool surface. Sweeping your skirt down nicely, you watched as Sebastian fetched a clean towel and began to wet it.

“What are you doing?” you asked as he ran out the damp towel. Sebastian didn’t answer, instead placing one hand on your jawline to steady your face. You almost slapped his hand out of place until the warm cloth reached your cheek.

“Try not to squirm, love.”

He moved so gently as the cloth ran over your cheeks. Sebastian hated seeing the mascara stains and was happy to see them washed away.

You couldn’t help it—more tears began to form in your lash line.

“No, no,” Sebastian said to reassure you. His hand left your jaw and moved to your hand in your lap. His fingers entwined with yours.

The cloth began to grow cold. Sebastian was almost done wiping your face, his gaze not leaving you once. As he made his final round around, making sure he got everything, his thumb brushed your lips by accident. The feeling of your soft lips was enough to send him wild.

He would be lying if he didn’t admit that when he saw you enter the classroom that he didn’t want that dark, honey-duke color all over his lips.

He sighed as he set the dirty towel next to the one you had used previously in the sink.

“I apologize,” he said sincerely.

“Sebastian—”

“Please, Y/N. I feel terrible.”

You looked down, his hand was still in yours. With his other hand, he brought his hand up to your chin and tilted it back into his line of sight.

“What can I do to make it up to you?”

“I…” you tried to answer. He seemed to be getting closer and closer with each breath.

“Do you want me to…” Sebastian speculated, his face nearing the side of your head. You could feel his breath on your ear.

“…fuck up Garreth?”

A slight gasp came from you as his hand moved from yours to your waist.

“Mm, Sebastian no.” you whimpered.

“Or… let me make it up to you.”

“P-please,” you sighed, nervous to move another inch. “What can I do?” he asked.

A sly smile came to your face.

“I do have one thing in mind.”

Your hand pushed him back from his close stance to you. Feeling his chest for the first time was quite a different experience. You didn’t expect to feel the warmth coming off his body through his thin shirt.

Hopping off the counter, Sebastian was now noticeably taller than you once again. Your hand dipped in your robes and pulled out Imelda’s lip balm.

“And?” he asked, getting impatient as he watched you take off the cap and place it on the counter. Sebastian tapped his finger on the counter. Taking one last glance at his ruffled hair and tattered stance, you turn to the mirror and applied a thick layer of the dark, thin balm on your lips.

“I want you to wear it.”

He let out a laugh. “It’s that simple? Give it to me. It’s not that bad anyways-”

Sebastian reached for the tube of lipstick. You quickly snatched it in your hands and snapped it away.

“W-what was that for? Y/N, come on now. Your confusing me. What do you want?”

You smirked, cocking your hips against the counter. “I said Sebastian, I want you to wear it.”

His jaw hinged as he began to get frustrated. All he was doing was trying to help you, and you were now playing games. Sebastian was done being toyed with. Bending down to become eye level with you once again, he spoke. His nose nearly touched the bridge of yours.

“And how would I do that? You obliviated the thing in to-”

You pushed up with your toes as you took the leap and kissed Sebastian. His eyes shot wide open as you kept yours shut. As he realized what was finally happening, his hands quickly moved to the back of your neck and into your hair. As he began to straighten his back, you began to lose him as he was too tall.

“Oh fuck…” he muttered, grabbing you and vaulting you into his arms and quickly sitting you up on the counter as he had previously threatened. With a very few seconds of breathing, his lips were back on yours and was eager as ever. His hands steadied at your waist as you let out a groan as he pushed down. He stood in between your legs, towering down over you.

As the kiss finally dissolved, his hands cupped your cheeks and looked down at you endearingly. A wide smile came to your face that matched his. You chuckled.

“What is it?” he teased, thinking you were being playful. “Your teeth, Sebastian.”

He looked up in the mirror and gave it a stupid grin. He had the dark lipstick all over his teeth. “Bloody hell, this stuff doesn’t taste good,” he whined as he used his finger to wipe off the excess lipstick. “It’s not meant to eat,”

“I can tell.”

Just as the banter was ending, the lock on the women’s restroom began to jiggle.

Sebastian gave you a worried look as the lock hooked open. In mere seconds, he gave you his infamous smirk and snapped his fingers. He was gone. Apparated out. Confused but not surprised that he knew how to do that, you let the inevitable happen and the door swings open.

“Y/N!” Poppy announced, rushing to find you sitting on the counter. “Are you alright?” she asked confused. To be fair, you were sitting on the bathroom counter with your legs spread a little too far for comfort, lipstick smeared all over your lips and partially your chin (don’t ask) and your hair was disheveled.

“Never better, Popps.”

You followed Poppy out of the bathroom and down the hallway. “You can’t go into class looking like that!”

You shrugged and tugged down your skirt. “Let’s get you cleaned up in my room.”

You followed Poppy once again. After moments of walking silently, she stopped.

“Are you alright?” you asked her.

Poppy had a tooth-baring grin on her face. “He was in there, wasn’t he!” she accused, excitement rising in her demeanor.

Your eyebrows rose as you sighed. She had finally come to the realization. Poppy was a smart girl, but you didn’t think she was that smart. You didn’t mind anyways, she was going to get all the details once you reached her quarters.

“I don’t know what you're talking about,” you dauntingly said, as you made your way further down the hall.

“I know the look of love when I see it.” Poppy said, catching up with you.

tag list: @dani5216 @uwiuwi @alohastyles-x @mandoloriancookie @maddieinnit0 @alexxavicry @scoliobean @avengersfan25 @nyotamalfoy @milly-louise @mxtokko

[post-office-by-the-bay]

Dearest Covey,

Turns out we didn’t get the infection under control (imagine I’m doing the Debby Ryan right here) + cause of my sickle cell I don’t do great with infections but I’m good now (knock on wood) we think it’s because I had a sickle crisis but it’s over now so I dunno 🤷‍♀️ oh well I guess it means I missed my last english review before exam season 😭

I missed my friends party that I think I told you about but my boyfriend said he couldn’t make it either and came and stayed with me cause my dad had work and my older sister was out 🫶🫶 + he brought round his mum’s cooking and GOOD LORD that woman can cook I love her so much (even if I really shouldn’t be eating it 😟 don’t tell my dad or my doctor)

Plus I would like to put my little sister forward as the cutest eight year old ever. When I was home she would legit come into my room like 10 minutes after her bedtime and be ‘sneaky’ so she could talk to me and make sure I was ok and I don’t think I’ve ever cried more. She’s so cute anyway this has been a rant I’m pretty sure you don’t want to hear 😭

Anyway, i thought my couple days away from before was long but Jesus I’ve been gone for like just over a week? maybe 2? Probably about a week. Got loads of your work to catch up on and I will make sure to send a letter complimenting it all because I am SURE it is gonna be amazing (like usual) even though I do not have a scooby where I left off.

I can also vote that Elise and I aren’t the same person but cause she’s using another name I didn’t realise it was her until I sent the letter about having an illness twin and I was like 😨 Rory?? But yeah I’m using a side account so even if you do guess who I am in the anon guessing thing I’ll probably just sign off with my name cause that main blog is OLD and it won’t let me delete it all and it’s cringey as fuck so…

How’s your life been? Hope it’s been as chill as can be and I hope your trip was good! Hope no one else sent in a request and if they did I’m disappointed I missed it 🙁🙁 this is such a long letter but I had so much to catch you up on 🫶 

ALSO IM LOVING THE NEW BLOG??? ITS SO CUTESY AND I HOLD IT SO CLOSE TO MY HEART EVEN THOUGH THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IM SEEING IT AND ITS NOT EVEN MINE 🤭 HAPPY ONE THOUSAND AS WELL!!! YOU DESERVE IT SO MUCH MY LOVE 🫶🫶

Finally, loads and loads and lots and lots of love to make up for when I was gone,

🎞️ <3

(This is such a long letter I am so so so sorry Covey you do not need to read this all 😭 I did try and cut it down I swear)

my stunning film roll anon,

AHHH FIRSTY YOURE SO SWEET OH MY GOODNESS LUV YA POOKS

secondly, im so so sorry about all your medical issues!! I have no way to relate or even begin to understand what your going through but that must suck like legit balls lmao-

also, your little sister seems so so sweet!! I also wanted a sibling to take care of, to talk to, ya know, but my older sister was too busy being older for that. but we chillin now

lifes been chill, ya know how it be. (ive never been more stressed in my whole 18 years of life. monday save me. monday pls kill yourself. monday be OVER already good lord) (i have my ap test and my last band concert ever...MONDAY DIE)

LUV YA MORE HON!! HOPE YOUR HEALTH GOT BETTER IN THE DECADE IT TOOK ME TO RESPOND TO THIS!!

all my love,

covey 𐙚⊹ ࣪ ˖

[werewolff]

I wanna tell a secretttt✋🏻

(anyways I feel like i have mental issue back then but i already stopped doing this since last year so don’t judge me I’m trying to be a better person lmao)

So short story i have this one toxic trait,probably “being manipulative” i already have bf but evrytime a boy approached me, especially on here, i let them talk to me and i gave them attention, motivation and affection, honestly i do that because i just wanted a friend to talked to, I didn’t have any feelings, even though i said to them i have connections or feelings, i lied. plus i love attention they gave to me as well. but once I’m bored with them or if I don’t got what I wanted, i throw them away, i ghost them and cut the connection or if they begging me for not leaving i became so evil and hurt their feelings, that’s why last year i have stalkers because i think some of them still mad at me but won’t leave me alone, some of them threatened me via email or text messages, but I don’t really care fr. Cause they lived so so far away from me.

One time, this boy he dm me trough insta, he lived in another city but pretty close to mine, only took 3 hour driving. I did the same thing to him, we texting, giving each other motivation, it was fun until I realized this bitch has the same personality as me, like broo he sooo manipulative, even i fell for his trapped TWICEE!! in the beginning. I’ve should’ve stopped when I realized it but I felt challenged…LMAO. So I ended up fooled him too i think more than twice.

one time, he wants to visit me after my graduation, i acted up like im happy, but once he’s arrived i ghosted him, and blocked him from insta, I deleted his contact too, he ended up calling me with his other number and when I picked up i said “wait.. who tf is this” and then he’s cried, but he’s not even mad at that timw cause he wants to meet me so bad, afterr that he came to my house giving me a big bouquet of flowers. And I asked him to stay in the city for 1 week only just so I could get free dinner and free riding home and a person to entertain me after a long day at work. After meeting him in real life i know this guy has low self esteem, I’m not even do anything but he’s so nervous. i know how to acted up to make him feel crazy for me, and he fell for it. At the end of the week I felt really done and bored, he also tried to cross my boundaries even though he knows i have bf, this guy is delusional and kinda narcissistic but in real life he’s a coward, he even asked me to meet at the hotel but i never wanted to, lucky me im not that stupid. so short story i dump him I’m telling all the truth, he mad he doesn’t accept what i did, the moment he cursed me, so i said to him he make me feel disgusted and while he still typing I blocked his number. Until now he still trying to get contact to me, he ever msg me he’s sorry and still wanna be friends but nahh i know he prepared for the revenge cause i really fucked him up, he trying to call using different number to call me but i never picked up, trying to follow me using different accounts but i never get bored to blocked him, sometimes I’m scared because after almost 2 months talking with him, i know this guy is kinda vengeful and kinda creepy inside like a psycho, he knows where i lived as well but I swear to god, if he ever approached me ar threatened me, im gonna make him bleed, that’s why i always bring my fabric scissors in my bag cause i love going everywhere alone, it’s stainless steel scissors the tip is not that sharp but enough to hurt someone….but anywayyss ( lol i feel like a psycho sorry)

If u asked me, yea we both wrong. Im toxic too. And if you wondering is my bf know abt this? Yes he is, I confessed everything once I decided to change to be a good person this year, he forgives me and give me a 2nd chance. And no im never do something manipulative or jus using my bf, I really loved him, i think having my bf in my life is the best gift from god, he leads me to a good path and a better person, he’s very patient with me. Now if boys come through my dm with a sexual intention i just don’t reply for good.

But im sure you can picked a lesson from my story, if you notice a person being manipulative, narcissistic… RUN AND LEAVEE!!! Don’t ever beg someone to love you, find someone who loves you the fullest even though you’re not asked for it. And confidence and boundaries is the key so not everyone could use you for their goods

Anyways thank u so much for reading this :)

Wow

First Thing thank u for being honest and u really lucky because your bf forgive u ...if I was him I didn't do it at all but at least u changed and that very good..I wish u stay like that :)

[mythgirlimagines]

o7s for my sister’s SoulSilver save file

Here’s the story for those of you I haven’t told before:

SoulSilver was my first main series Pokemon game. And for the time that I had and played it religiously, I could not for the life of me defeat it. Namely, I couldn’t get to Lugia because I was a stupid child and didn’t want to add Flash to one of my pokemon to get through the cave puzzle bc it does jack-all in battle, nor did I know that was how to get through the cave until like. Last year. But w/e

By the time I got Black, I rage-quit SoulSilver and gave it to my sister (two years younger than me) to play. I definitely gave it to her in 2015, since that’s when it reads that she met her starter (Tooties the Feraligatr), so there was a grace period where I just wasn’t playing it

Her save file currently has 26 hours of play on it. She has 12 badges and only 24 pokemon registered to her pokedex

The last time she touched this game was 2016, a full year after she started the game. So not only did she beat the game and get well into the postgame, she also did it with the following team:

Lugia (lv 61)

Feraligatr (lv 56)

Ursaring (lvl 34)

Gyarados (the shiny one, lv 32)

Togepi (lv 21)

Pidgey (lv 9)

Which makes me more disappointed in my younger self’s gameplay than anything else. But that’s beside the point.

The POINT is that the game was originally mine. And she hadn’t touched it in years. It would’ve been another thing if I wanted her copy of Moon, which was her copy while I had Sun (and the only 3DS in the family-), but this was a game that I was really close to when I was younger and I kid you not I fought with her for YEARS to get her permission to get it back. AND I FINALLY GOT THAT PERMISSION TO ERASE HER SAVE FILE AND START MY OWN LIKE TWO YEARS AGO though I’m just doing stuff about it now

Just for her nostalgia and my personal piece of mind since I don’t have any of my original teams except for Gen 6-on (or even remember any of them), I wanted to do something nice and transfer her team to my copy of Black, which I wasn’t deleting since I had for the second time ever beaten the game at the same time I beat a nuzlocke

But the Poke Transfer system is SO GARBAGE bc it won’t let you transfer pokemon that know hidden moves so uh. I can’t transfer any of her original team members to my game,,,,,,

So let’s pay some respect to her team and the literally 16 other pokemon (three of which being in the Beedrill line) she caught in those 26 hours over a year

I will forever be mad that it seemed like she beat the main game in a week when it took me FOREVER and I to this day have never beaten it but I think it might be time for me to let it go lmao

[warmsol]

okay so I have a bit of an issue where I used to love love loooove cc shopping I'd get so excited to download new stuff but now I download like 2 things and shut down my computer super unmotivated and I think it's cuz i have so many mods i have 5.000+ and since you're my queen :D im gonna ask you disssss should I delete my whole mods folder or not?

omg ;-; okay so the only time i ever deleted my mods folder was before i had simblr and i legit only had like maybe 10gbs (that could be a reach) of mods and rebuilding that STRESSED me out… yes… at 10gbs… but it also felt so freeing? and it was fun to shop for cc and all that. but also i got rlly frustrated when i couldn’t find my favorite items so maybe keep some of your fave cc in case you can’t find them again! but yeah, if you’re up to restarting you should! it might feel nice to have a fresh start! <3

[cloudy-leonhart]

I JUST READ YOUR VETERANS WITH FILIPINO S/O AND IM SO PROUD WCEIWVEHHW, can i also request a veteran reaction to like, their s/o gets flirted with a guy and their s/o is totally oblivious. (also, nanaba is very cute, ate nana 😭✊)

wait but this is such a good request 🥺 maybe that’s just me, I like jealous headcanons lmao-

———

AOT VETERANS JEALOUS HCS WITH OBLIVIOUS S/O!!

[author note: I have a few fic requests in my inbox rn! Please dw if u requested a fic, it takes me a little longer to write fics than headcanons so please don’t think I’m ignoring your request! I also had to rewrite this, I had a bad weekend and tumblr keeps deleting my drafts but I still want to provide for my followers, so I apologize that it’s only half of the veterans! I’ll add Nanaba and Moblit once I do get the motivation too! ]

Summary: S/O get’s flirted with, vets are big jealous babies.

Gender Neutral Reader.

Recommended Song: How Long - Charlie Puth.

TW: some swearing, suggestive themes, yucky boys hitting on you.

Theme: Fluff, canonverse.

Characters: Erwin, Hange, Levi, Miche.

Erwin Smith

Honestly even he couldn’t tell at first that the noble man (lets call him, Gene.) you were talking to was flirting with you.

You were absolutely oblivious, you think Gene is just having a conversation with you and Gene thinks you like him.

When Erwin notices it, at first he’s like “hmm, maybe Reader’s talking business with him.” And then Gene kissed the back of your hand, in which he felt his eye twitching. He started pouting really bad, he looked like a kicked puppy from across the ballroom. He didn’t want to be rude, so he kept reassuring himself that it was a friendly gesture.

You were absolutely clueless, like “this is fine.” clueless. You had no idea Gene was trying his hardest to court you. Until You felt Erwin behind you, that is.

You know those big coughs that you do to get someone’s attention. Yeah, Erwin coughed REALLY loud. Mind you, Erwin probably towers most nobles. So imagine the face on Gene when he saw this tall, titan-slaying commander towering over him. I think he almost peed his pants honestly, he was like “uh..it was nice meeting you, miss Last name, but uh..I- I uhm.. Igottago-“

Yeah he speed-walked his scared ass outta there, you were kinda just like “what?” You saw Erwin’s shadow and just turned around with the cutest smile on your face.

“Erwin!” You chirped, he softened his glare on the noble and looked at you, cue his pout coming back. “You really didn’t know?”

“Know what?” You asked, walking with him, hand in hand. You guys were walking back to your carriage to go home for the night.

“Reader, he was flirting with you, quite literally trying to court you.” Erwin groaned, his jealousy starting to show. You were still a bit confused, so you just stared at him with a blank expression.

“He was just being nice Erwin, come on.” You nudged his arm, trying to get him to loosen up, he looked at you, in which you looked at him with puppy dog eyes, in response he groaned, being a sucker for your puppy dog eyes.

He huffed, “you’re staying back at the headquarters from now on.” Your eyes widened slightly, “What?! Why?!” You shook him arm. “Because I don’t want you being flirted with, you’re mine reader, and I’m yours.” Erwin squished your cheeks together.

“Owf Cwouse I’m youws-“ you took his hands off your cheek. “You’re the only man for me,” you laughed as you entered the carriage.

“Now get in, I’m feeling a little empty inside and you’re the only who can fix that.”

Levi Ackerman

Oh dear, if you’re willing to flirt with the Levi Ackerman’s S/O, you’re basically asking for a death wish.

He usually isn’t too jealous when it comes to someone flirting with his S/O genuinely because he’s either busy doing something or he isn’t there at all but...

He’s not called Humanity’s Strongest for nothing. Both of you were in charge for training the cadets. You were known for your kind behaviour, so obviously a lot of the cadets would ask for your training.

In which Levi was okay with because, duh less work for him. He was doing fine until he glanced at you and saw a male cadet getting a little too close. (calling him, Sam.)

You guys were in a secret relationship at the time, he didn’t want anyone teasing you or him about anything so both of you kept it a secret.

See, he regrets that decision right now because it’s really a pain in the ass to see Sam acting like he doesn’t know the moves when he knows damn well he taught the brat those moves a week ago.

So with a clenched jaw, he glared at Sam as you were behind the cadet, teaching him the same move Levi taught him.

Levi looked across the field to see you behind Sam, helping him strike his punch correctly, he felt angered and a little jealous, watching you be so touchy with him.

He sighed and shook his head, trying to calm himself to keep him from doing something, that is until he watched as Sam tripped you just so he could “catch” you. He caught you in those romantic poses.

You weren’t really paying attention to what he was trying to achieve and instead thanked him, unaware of his plan to kiss you. You tried to get out of Sam’s hold, until you realized that Sam was getting close to you.

You were about to start freaking out until someone pulled you into their arms, you looked at your “saviour”’s face, seeing it’s Levi. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing to a section commander, cadet?” Sam gulped, walking back. “Just making sure captain Reader’s okay, captain Levi.” Sam saluted, sweating profusely.

“That requires you tripping them and almost kissing them?” Levi’s eyebrow raised as his arm tightened against your waist, that’s when a lightbulb lights up in your mind, ‘Is..is Levi jealous??’ “uh well-” Sam tried to explain himself, “I taught you this move last week, you have no excuse to ask for captain Reader’s help.”

A scowl was long planted on Levi’s face. Sam scoffed, “Okay, so I wanted to court captain Reader, but Sir, they’re single, you can’t blame for wanting to court them.” Levi took a step forward, you prevented him from beating Sam up.

“They’ve got a boyfriend.” He spat out, basically death staring Sam down. “And who’s that?” Sam laughed out.

Levi clicked his tongue, before you knew it, Levi’s lips were on yours. “Me.” He stated.

Hange Zöe

Hange, they usually are chill most of the times, to be honest they don’t get too jealous, it’s only when it’s painfully obvious, that’s when it starts to tick them off.

I mean, making Levi Ackerman mad is one thing, but Hange?? I’m already planning your funeral. One of the corps’ rules, never ever make Hange Zöe mad.

It does not help when their S/O absolutely is oblivious. 

Hange starts off with being a little skeptical and glancing at you from afar. then it becomes a stare once in a while, and then their mood gets soiled.

they start to become irritated, at this one garrison squad member (let’s name him Avery) talking with you. You should actually be helping them with their experiments.

And they snap when they see you being offered a flower.

Little clueless Reader, just confirmed Avery’s death, it’s been signed this point on.

You could hear AND feel Hange’s stomps nearing both you and Avery.

God help the poor garrison member, because they’re about to be sent to heaven with how jealous and irritated Hange is.

“Hey, Avery.” Hange’s voice cut through your guys’ conversation, “Hange!” you chirped, holding onto the flower Avery had gifted you. “Hange! You’ve met Reader here right?” Avery asked, also unaware of Hange’s attitude.

“yes, they’re actually my partner.” Hange’s teeth was gritted as they took their rightful place beside you, pulling you close. Cue the awkward silence, “Oh my god, Hange I’m so sorry, I thought they were you know-” Hange didn’t even let him finish. 

“Just get the fuck out, Avery.” Hange gave him a glare that almost made Avery shit his pants. “Yes captain!” He saluted and left before Hange could murder him. “What was that about, Hange?” You asked as they took the flower out of your hand.

“He was courting you, and you were letting him, darling.” Hange stated, as you covered your mouth with your hand, “Oh! I’m sorry Hange! Darn it, I’m so oblivious.” You scolded yourself.

“It’s good you can still remember that you belong to me.” Hange continued, inspecting the flower gifted to you. “Of course, you only, Hange.” You agreed, looking at them. 

“Wanna prove it to me then, Reader?”

Miche Zacharias

Miche is kind of like a grizzly bear, you should never be around him when he’s mad or jealous. 

He tends to be more aggressive when it comes to him being irritated, I don’t mean to headcanon him as a wolf, but I know he just growls when a little thing goes wrong.

He’s possessive over you now, but now he’s basically just suffocating you with his over-protectiveness.

I feel as if he can tell when someone has some kind of weird scent, and it basically spoils everything he can smell.

He tends to hover around you once he gets jealous, he’ll get clingy and probably need to have you touching him somehow, holding hands, side by side. He just needs to be touching you.

He’s the type of person to also just, push away who ever you’re talking with, and just drag you away. 

One time, you and him went on a date and the person who worked there hit on you right in front of him, Miche made him almost piss his pants.

Miche and you were out at an event for survery corps members, celebrating your recent successes with your latest expedition. Miche was with Erwin and Levi while you chatted up a storm with a noble named Walter. 

Miche could feel himself about to break his glass, watching you and Walter laugh together. “So, are you seeing anyone?” Walter asked, you stopped laughing, shocked that he’d ask you that question out of nowhere.

“What?-” At this point Walter had a hold of both of your hands, you were absolutely still in place, “Actually don’t mind that, can I court you?” A big smile was on Walter’s face, wondering about your answer. “I-” 

“You actually can’t, they have a boyfriend.” Miche had long appeared behind you, towering over both you and Walter. You closed your eyes, in a bit of relief, “Yes, this is Miche, he’s a section commander and my boyfriend.” You smiled, hooking your hand with Miche’s, silently hoping that Walter would leave you both alone.

“Ah, I’m terribly sorry, I thought you didn’t have a partner, that’s my fault.” Walter quickly apologized, seeing how intimidating Miche was. “well, I-..I should go, it was lovey meeting you and your boyfriend, Reader.” Walter speed-walked his way out of his situation, leaving you with a pouty and jealous Miche. 

“Why talk to those who look like they have it tiny, Reader?”

[jimines]

Whats actually happened between you and taemaknae? I read about it on the tea blog and still confused

This is an insanely long story so I'm going to put it below the cut so for anyone interested in this absolute shit show, continue on.

Essentially, I posted these headers about a month ago:

It was a set of like 8 colours and it was the first time I had ever posted any headers or anything. The issue nic had with these, was the ripped paper bottom. Because apparently you can trademark that. I had asked a (now ex) “friend” of mine if she knew where I could find the ripped paper effect because I had seen the effect on the header of her network blog and I had been trying to find a similar thing for months and google images never gave me anything good. She ended up referring me to google images anyways and after like an hour of dedicated searching, I found this ripped paper effect and used it. This ex “friend” went on to tell another friend of mine that I had "asked where nicole gets her resources for her headers" and then screenshotted my dm as "proof", which still confuses me because I never mentioned nicole there lmao. I've seen the screenshot.

Tell me where I said nicole. It was literally just a question born from seeing the header they had on their network lmao. I feel it’s important to mention I didn’t know this person ran said network at that time, which is why i said “these people”.

This other friend then came to me and just said my headers "may be seen as similar to nic's” and said she noticed it on her own and never mentioned my other “friend” approaching her. I was confused because other than that ripped paper effect that I know many people on tumblr use, I saw no similarities. Nic's headers are usually more complex and more than just a coloured background with a little effect in it. I just wanted to make some simple headers for fun because I was bored. But, regardless, I messaged nic about it to make sure she didn't feel the same way. I told her a friend of mine was worried nic might think my headers are similar to her's and I assured her that if she found them similar I would take them down, no questions asked. Nic told me she was surprised this friend brought it up and told me that it was entirely up to me if I found the headers similar. She never once told me she felt they were the same, never mentioned anything about them, she insisted it was up to me to do as I pleased. So, since I genuinely found no similarities, I left them up.

About a week went by and things between nic and I were fine, or so I thought, based off the fact that she was interacting with my posts, sending me cute asks and replying to a lot of my comments and stuff being kind and whatnot. Then, I decided to post a small list of my creations and the series I had running at the time. 

After that, all of a sudden I got an influx of rude hate anons:

To anyone I mentioned the anons to, they agreed with me, you cannot trademark circular icons. This anon also accused me saying “just the fact that you had an anxiety attack about it proves you copied them” Like no sweetie, it’s called three strangers walked into my house and I got anxious.

Despite me not seeing the issue, I messaged nic, assuming she wouldn't care about the icons (it wasn't like I was taking her exact work and copying and pasting them as my own) and that made her very upset. When she responded to me, she was incredibly heated and gave off the vibe she was waiting for me to message her about it. 

She said things like "this has actually been bothering me for a while", "i expected you to be able to read between the lines and delete the headers", "i don't know who that anon was but clearly they recognize my style". For starters, she never told me that she was annoyed with me, she was being very kind to me publicly. And I have no idea how I was meant to “read between the lines” of what she said especially considering how kind she was to me the following days. I also never accused her of knowing this anon, she just insisted it wasn't her and she didn't know them right off the bat. She also insinuated that I copied my gifs from others as well, which ticked me off because I made my 100+ layer psd myself thank you very much. But I kept my cool, and I told her I had no idea she felt the way she did, and I told her I would delete the headers (which i did as the conversation was going on), and that I would stop posting my icons and bringing attention to them because no one ever paid it any mind before that point. And I asked her “please tell me straight up the next time you have an issue with me because I am generally pretty dumb with social cues”, I have my adhd to thank for that. And instead of replying, she just blocked me. And conveniently, the hate anons stopped dead right after we blocked each other and I haven't received any since.

Also, these are the kinds of icons I posted:

Looks pretty generic and idk, universal, right?

Then, as I've recently found out today, she was in an "anti-loverjimin" groupchat with at least 2 other bloggers. 

Which explains why this all went and fell into place. I know who the two other bloggers are because of what happened two days later but I won't name them just yet, but these two people had been "friends" with me for several months. So, a day or two after nic blocked me, all of a sudden some good friends of mine were blocking me and not talking to me when I asked what was going on. I found out soon after it was because nicole and those two now ex “friends” of mine had taken old dms I sent them and were showing them to people. And I will go into detail about them but I won't name the people they are about for privacy reasons.

Before I move on, to clarify some lies nic has been spreading about me, I never once shit talked nicole to my friends. One of these ex friends also said I was trying to get people on my side. I would have reacted to this all very very differently if that were the case. I would be dragging everyone through the fucking dirt but I don't get off on drama or micromanaging what my mutuals do. My issues are with these people, if you're still friends with them that's your decision i could not care less. So, back to it, the only thing I said about nic was that she and I had a stupid small fight over icons and that she was spreading lies about me, based off of what nic said to jordan.

That exact message, or slight variations of it, was sent to anyone I interacted with because I didn't know if nic was going to stop at jordan or try and get to everyone I fucking knew lmao. Some of the people I messaged this to told ME nic had done this kind of thing before, that she has sent hate anons, launched hate campaigns, cancelled people, etc. Over stupid shit like icons lmao.

Here are some responses I received after I mentioned nicole:

And nic or one of her friends also took it upon themselves to send anons to that tea blog to blow shit up and named everyone and made it an even bigger mess when they saw no one was actively trying to fight me after the dms got out. 

I also love that in this following ask, they named my two “friends” that were behind the whole dm drama and backstabbed me, as well as two other people I never badmouthed, that story was twisted. But we’ll get into those details shortly.

And she also told people I clout chased big blogs and only cared about notes. At one point, yes, I did care a lot about my statistics. However, never once did I think clout chasing was worth my fucking time or energy, Nic is the biggest clout chaser on this damn site and there are receipts of that, ask jordan lmao. And I couldn’t give two shits about my statistics anymore lmao, much less anxiety that way. Do I still crave validation sometimes? Sure. But it's not a driving force of my tumblr experience like it used to be.

But, moving on to the dms, the first one was sent when I first came back to tumblr full-time and didn't understand why people self reblogged things, I found the pretence of self reblogging annoying and greedy and I complained about it and it was a comment fuelled by two bloggers that i would see sr a lot on my dash. But I never thought THEY were annoying, as these people are saying I did, it was self reblogging I found annoying and as you can see I have come to understand why people sr and I do it myself too. I didn't even know these two bloggers at this time either. That dm was cropped to hide the fact that this "friend" agreed with me and hid the date as well so it seemed recent, and was sent to one of the bloggers I mentioned as an example, someone I had since become good friends with. 

I didn’t befriend one of the people I mentioned there until mid to late June. That friendship is now over thanks to this drama and all the lies. The second friend of mine they went after was never spoken about in dms, they went and turned her against me through lies and manipulation so that friendship has ended too. And while those two were doing that, nic went off to try and turn jordan against me.

There was a particular user on here that I did say some nasty things about but we weren't friends, as many people have been made to believe. I was particularly mad at this person in those dms and was hurtful, I admit, and I have since apologized and owned up to all of it to these people. I did call them fake and/or two-faced. 

And what in the gassing me up bullshit was their response though lmao. I also sent this following dm before I even talked about the issue with this person. They urged me to continue and to name drop the person, and I stupidly thought they were trustworthy.

My reasoning for what I said wasn't unwarranted though, I don't make a habit of going around shit-talking people, unless they do something to me first. I vent when I am upset and this person had sent me a passive aggressive ask and then denied sending it when I asked and I thought that was just very fake, especially since she was so kind to me in dms before the ask came in. But all of these dms were cropped too to hide timestamps and responses, and in most cases, like those screenshots prove, these "friends" either gassed me up or egged me on to continue ranting or to name the people i was mad at and they had agreed with me on several, several occasions. Turns out they were trying to get dirt on me to use in their cancel campaign. But the point is, nic has made me out to be this horrible person that befriends "big blogs" (an overrated statement) and then shit talks them behind their back without remorse. Yet it was one person I said rude things about and I, again, owned up to it all and apologized to them the first day. I would've done it sooner had I a) remembered feeling the way I did all those months ago or remembered the dms themselves or b) felt that way still after meeting them. But neither is the case.

I find it really amusing though that these people wanted things to be kept quiet and didn’t want anyone they spoke to to talk to me about it because I was going to “out them on my blog” and “make a big scene”, then they three went and made it a big fucking scene and ruined my friendships. I’m familiar with this pattern of manipulation as it has happened to me in real life before and it’s the most childish bullshit to witness.

Before this callout day for nic, I had never once been directly rude to or about her, same goes for those ex “friends” that betrayed my trust and friendship. The fact that they plotted against me in a group chat while still actively talking to me and being all buddy buddy is just disgusting. Both of them were talking to me that day at the same time they were sharing the dms and shit-talking me to my friends. But yeah, that's my side, the untwisted side, of the whole story. I tried to be mature and talk to nic and when I didn't do what she wanted me to do, she blocked me and launched the hate campaign with dms and the power of photoshop. I’ve been hesitant to make any of this public because it was meant to be a silent ordeal but I’ve grown tired of her constantly publicizing everything without consequence while I remain silent like I promised.

[dirk-has-rabies]

Gender variance and it's link with neurodivergency

Okay so this is it going to be another long one

All quotes will be sourced with a link to the scientific journal I took it from

Okay Tumblr, let's talk gender (I know, your favorite topic) my preface on why this topic matters to me is: I'm autistic ( diagnosed moderate to severe autism) I'm nonbinary trans ( in a way that most non-autistic people don't understand and actually look down on)  and I went to college for gender study ( Mostly for intersex studies but a lot of my research was around non-binary and trans identities) I will be using the term autism as pants when I have experience with however when ADHD is part of the study I will use ND which stands for neurodivergent and yes this is going to be about xenogenders and neopronouns.

autism can affect gender the same way autism can affect literally every part of an identity. a big thing about having autism is the fact that it completely can change how you view personhood and time and object permanence and gender and literally all types of socially constructed ideas. let me also say hear that just because Society creates and enforces an idea does it mean that it doesn't exist to all people it just me that there is no nature law saying that it's real and the “rules” for these ideas can change and delete and create as time and Society evolves and changes.  gender is one of those constructs.

Now I'll take it by you reading this you know what transgender people are  (if you don't understand what a trans person is send me an ask and I'll type you up a pretty little essay lmao,  or Google it but that's a scary thought sense literally any Source or website can come up on Google including biased websites so be careful I guess LOL) anyway to be super basic trans people are anyone who doesn't identify as the gender they were assigned at Birth (yes that includes non-binary people I could do a whole nother essay about that shit how y'all keep spreading trying to separate non-binary people from the trans umbrella)  some people don't like to use the label and that is totally fine by the way.

now autistic people to view the world in a way differently than allistic (neurotypical) ppl do.  we don't take everything people teach us at 100% fact and we tend to question everything and demand proof and evidence for things before we can set it as a fact in our brains. This leads to why a lot of autistic people are atheist (although a lot of religions and this is not bashing on religious people at all I am actually a Jewish convert)  this questioning leads to a lot of social constructs being ignored or not understood At All by a lot of autistic people and personally I think that's a good thing.  allistics take everything their parents and teachers and schools teach them as fact until someone else says something and then they pick which ones to believe. autistic people study and research and learn about a topic before forming an opinion and while this may lead to them studying and believing very biased material and spitting it out as fact it can also lead them to try and Discover it is real by themselves.

because of this autistic people are more question their gender or not fall in a binary way at all as the concept of gender makes no sense to a lot of us. “ if gender is a construct then autistic people who are less aware of social norms are less likely to develop a typical gender identity”

no really look: “ children and teens with autism spectrum disorder ASD or Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder ADHD  are much more likely to express a wish to be the opposite sex compared with their typical developing peers” That was posted in 2014. we have been saying this stuff forever but no one wants to listen. the thing is gender variance (being not cisgender or at least questioning it)  has always been closely hand-in-hand with autistic and ADHD people I'm even the doctor who did that study understood right away that it all made sense the whole time: “ Dr. Strang said they were initially surprised to find an overrepresentation of gender variance among children with ADHD. However, they later realized that prior studies have shown increased levels of disruptive behavior and other behavioral problems among young people with gender variance”  SEE YOURE NOT WEIRD YOURE JUST YOU AND YOURE NOT ALONE IN THIS!!

5% autistic people who did the study were trans or questioning. it was also equal between the Sexes fun fact. that may not seem like a lot till you realize that the national average is only .7% that's literally over 700% higher than the national average. That's so many! and that's just in America.

 in Holland there was a study in 2010 “ nearly 8% of the more than 200 Children and adolescents referred to a clinic for gender dysphoria also came up positive on a assessment for ASD” they weren't even testing for ADHD so the numbers could be even higher!

now I want to talk about a  certain section of the trans umbrella that a lot of autistic people fall under called the non-binary umbrella. non-binary means anything that isn't just male or just female. it is not one third gender and non-binary doesn't mean that you don't have a gender. just clearing that up since cis people keep spreading that. non-binary is an umbrella term for any of the infinite genders you could use or create. now this is where I'm going to lose a bunch of you and that's okay because you don't have to understand our brains or emotions To respect us as real people. not many allistics can understand how we see and think and relate to things and that's okay you don't have to understand everything but just reading about this could be so much closer to respecting us for Who We Are from you've ever been and that's better than being against us just for existing.

now you might have heard of my Mutual Lars who was harassed  by transmeds for using the term Autigender (I was going to link them but if it gets traction I don't want them to get any hate)  since a lot of people roll their eyes at that  and treated them disgustingly for using a term that 100% applied correctly.  Autigender  is described as " a neurogender which can only be understood in the context of being autistic or when one's autism greatly affects one's gender or how one experiences gender. Autigender is not autism as a gender, but rather is a gender that is so heavily influenced by autism that one's autism and one's experience of gender cannot be unlinked.” Now tell me that doesn't sound a lot like this entire essay I've been working on with full sources…..

xenogenders and neopronouns are a big argument point on whether or not people “believe” in non binary genders but a big part of those genders is that they originated from ND communities and are ways that we can try to describe what gender means us in a way that cis or even allistic trans people just can't comprehend or ever understand. Same with MOGAI genders or sexualities. A lot of these are created as a way to somehow describe an indescribable relationship with gender that is so personal you really cant explain it to anyone who isnt literally the same as you.

Even in studies done with trans autistic people a large amount of them dont even fall on a yes or no of having a gender at all and fall in some weird inbetween where you KINDA have a gender but its not a gender in the sense that others say it is but its also too much of a gender so say youre agender. And this is the kind of stuff that confuses allistic trans people and makes them think nonbinary genders are making stuff up for attention, which isnt true at all we just cant explain what it feels like to BE a trans autistic person to anyone who doesnt ALREADY know how it feels.

In this study out of the ppl questioned almost HALF of the autistic trans individuals had a “Sense of identity revolving around interests” meaning their gender and identity was more based off what they liked rather than boy or girl. That makes ppl with stuff like vampgender or pupgender make a lot more sense now doesnt it? We see that even in the study: “My sense of identity is fluid, just as my sense of gender is fluid […] The only constant identity that runs through my life as a thread is ‘dancer.’ This is more important to me than gender, name or any other identifying features… even more important than mother. I wouldn't admit that in the NT world as when I have, I have been corrected (after all Mother is supposed to be my primary identification, right?!) but I feel that I can admit that here. (Taylor)” and an agreement from another saying “Mine is Artist. Thank you, Taylor. (Jessie)” now dont you think if they grew up with terms like artistgender or dancergender they would just YOINK those up right away????

In fact “An absence of a sense of gender or being unsure of how their gender should “feel” was another common report” because as ive said before in this post AUTISTIC PEOPLE DONT SEE GENDER THE WAY ALLISTIC PEOPLE SEE IT. therefore we wont use the same terms or have the same identities nor could we explain it to anyone who doesnt already understand or question the same way! Participants even offered up quotes such as “As a child and even now, I don't ‘feel’ like a gender, I feel like myself and for the most part I am constantly trying to figure out what that means for me (Betty)” and also “I don't feel like a particular gender I'm not even sure what a gender should feel like (Helen)”

Now i know this isnt going to change everyones minds on this stuff but i can only hope that it at least helped people feel like theyre not broken and not alone in their feelings about this. You dont have to follow allistic rules. You dont have to stop searching inside for who you really wanna be. And you dont have to pick or choose terms forever because just as you grow and evolve so may your terms. Its okay to not know what or who you are and its okay to identify as nonhuman things or as your interests because what you love and what you do is a big part of who you are and shapes you everyday. Its not a bad thing! Just please everyone, treat ppl with respect and if you dont understand something that doesnt make it bad or wrong it just means its not for you. And thats okay.

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from the Lost Tomb part 6.1

🎶 Back on the bullshit I never got off🎶

Is this another unnecessary story arc?? With three sections??

Yes.

Wushanju Crew Chat

Wang Meng: You know, I’m someone who appreciates consistency in my day. My life is pleasant, very few issues indeed if you ignore the big ones. And yet. Yet here we are. With unresolved messes at the end of a day.

Wang Pangzi: SOMETHIN YOU NEED TO SAY MARY POPPINS

Wang Meng: We need to talk about Huo Daofu and the glittery bead curtain.

Wang Pangzi: MY FAVE TEEN WIZARD SERIES

Wu Xie: did you turn on that suggested word thingy lol

What glittery bead curtain

Wang Meng: I closed the shop at 6:00pm this evening on the dot. I locked all of the doors in and out of the shop very carefully, especially in light of recent events. The hall leading to the back office was empty. I filed the day’s paperwork, updated and sent emails, and then spent an extra hour organizing receipts and dusting. When I came back out, there were glittery iridescent bead curtains over the front entrance to the shop.

What could this mean?

Wu Xie: uh that you need to spend less time at work?

Wang Pangzi: LOOKS LIKE WE GOT ONE FOR THE DETECTIVES. THE MYSTERY OF THE BEDAZZLED THRESHOLD COMMENCES

Wu Xie: I think we can be relatively secure in thinking a glittery bead curtain isn’t a hostile threat

Wang Pangzi: SAYS YOU

I REMEMBER YE OLDE EXPLORATION TIMES HOW FAST THINGS GOT FURIOUS

BEANBAG CHAIRS SET AFLAME AND LEFT ON DOORSTEPS AS A WARNING

GLITTERBOMBS FOR DAYS

PANIC AT THE DISCO

Wang Meng: Ugh, forget it. I should have just taken them down, regardless of who they belong to.

Zhang Qiling: They are not mine.

Wang Pangzi: A BOLD STATEMENT COMING FROM OUR PRIME SUSPECT

SOMEONE QUICK GO DRAW CHALK AROUND THE DOORWAY TO MARK THE SCENE OF THE CRIME

Wang Meng: Do we know anyone who *would* sneak in and put those up? For whatever reason, legal or not? Even as a joke?

Wang Pangzi: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING WHETHER WE KNOW ANYONE WHO IS CHAOTIC, AN OUTLAW, A PRANKSTER AND/OR SNEAKS INTO PLACES

BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN OUR SUSPECT LIST IS LITERALLY EVERYONE WE KNOW EXCEPT FOR YOU.

Wu Xie: okay let’s think about this; for starters, I didn’t break into my own shop

Wang Meng: You would be in danger of doing some work in the process, that’s true.

Wang Pangzi: LOL

Wu Xie: ANYWAY let’s keep going. For example, Xiao Ge would only break in somewhere for a good reason. Xiao Ge, did you do this?

Zhang Qiling: No.

Wu Xie: okay who’s next

Wang Pangzi: YOU REALLY MISSED YOUR CALLING IN INTERROGATION TIANZHEN

REALLY PUT THE SCREWS TO HIM

IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE;)

Zhang Qiling: How can we be certain *you* didn’t do it?

Wang Meng: Admittedly that was my guess, too.

Wang Pangzi: WOW I SEE HOW IT IS

BLAME PANGZI AS USUAL

ANYWAY HOW DOES HUO DAOFU FIT INTO THIS

Wu Xie: Oh yeah him! Oops I got distracted

Wang Pangzi: UR ENTIRE HISTORY IN A NUTSHELL

Wu Xie: Ugh fuck off

Wang Meng what abt Huo Daofu??

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wu Xie: oh sorry xiaoge I didn’t realize you wouldn’t have spent much time around him last year

He and I go way back

Zhang Qiling: Way back where?

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: I CANNOT BELIEVE HE IS BUYING YOUR INNOCENT ACT

IF YOU EVER TURN TO EVIL WE ARE FUCKED

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO HUO DAOFU IS

YOU WERE EXTREMELY POLITE AND BORDERLINE FRIENDLY TOWARDS HIM

Zhang Qiling: I wanted him to feel welcome. I wanted to be sure he understands he has a place here. A specific place.

Wang Pangzi: FOR A SILENT GUY YOU ARE A MASTER AT SUBTLE POWER PLAYS IM ALL TINGLY

LMAO THE IDEA OF WU XIE LEAVING YOU FOR HUO DAOFU IS HILARIOUS AND ALSO NOPE

Zhang Qiling: Rationally, I understand that.

Main Chat

Wang Meng: Huo Daofu is coming for the weekend—didn’t Wu Xie tell you? Wu Xie asked me to check in a week ahead so we could start getting ready for his arrival

Wu Xie: oh yeah I did do that

Wang Meng: Fortunately I know you and so I already went ahead and took care of everything.

Re: the trip

He made a deal with Wu Xie’s doctor that he would do periodic checkups on him here at Wushanju

Bc Wu Xie hates being in the hospital

And frankly the hospital hates him too

Wang Pangzi: FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT LOL

I FORGOT HUO DAOFU WAS DOING THAT

A VERY CHIVALROUS GESTURE

WOULDNT YOU SAY

XIOAGE

Zhang Qiling: Is it safe for him to be here with a criminal loose on the premises?

Wu Xie: Right, back to the curtain! Let’s focus on the curtain, hmm?

Wang Pangzi: I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS WEEKEND.

ALSO WE CAN RULE OUT XIAO BAI FOR THE CURTAIN SHE JUST SENT A SELFIE FROM NORWAY COVERED IN GREEN SLIME WITH ZERO CONTEXT, UR PROTEGE INDEED

Wu Xie: okay but who else would do something so oddly charming yet illegal and—wait.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: hey, Glasses hasn’t been in touch lately right?

Li Cu: uh nope

Unless u count the outdated memes

Why, is money or Xie Yuchen missing

Or is this curtain related, I saw Wang Meng’s tweet

Wu Xie: haha no nothing to worry about really

(I mean maybe? but who knows)

Wang Meng is probably just getting a little paranoid in his old age

Li Cu: better than getting reckless and stupid as hell in ur old age

Wu Xie: …hey:(

Unknown Number: Li Cu, we discussed this.

Wu Xie: ????????

Li Cu: *sigh* fine, reckless and stupid as heck

Unknown Number: …close enough.

Wu Xie: EXCUSE who is that

Madame, Sir, Non-Binary Tree Spirit, etc—whomst the fuck

Are you

Li Cu is underage FYI

So Im staying on this chat

Li Cu: okay first of all, it’s not like that

Second of all I’m literally not underage I s2g

u threw the embarrassing surprise bday party, okay so u should remember

And C, that’s my counselor and I invited her. She wanted to meet u and I knew u wouldn’t agree to a visit so I added her to our chat

we have been discussing u

Wu Xie: Oh wow!!!!!!!

What a surprise:)

hi so nice to meet you:)

Main Chat:

Wu Xie: RED FUCKING ALERT

FUCK THE CURTAIN FUCK THE VISIT

IVE BEEN TRICKED INTO FAMILY THERAPY BY A SMUG TEENAGER WHO TEXTS UNKNOWN NUMBERS

Wang Meng: I assume that means something to someone here?

Not my problem? Good.

Wang Pangzi: AHAHAHA GOD I LOVE LI CU

HES LIKE ADORABLE KARMA FOR ALL THE SHIT YOUVE PUT ME THROUGH

IM RAISING HIS ALLOWANCE

Wu Xie: wait i give him an allowance

has he been collecting on two allowances??

Zhang Qiling: Three. I knew about both of yours.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: so uh may I ask your name?

Unknown Number: you can call me Ms. Lee.

Now, if you’re comfortable talking in this format, why don’t you tell me how things have been going?

Wu Xie: oh everything is normal and fine and safe as usual, why do you ask:)

Li Cu: I heard about ur necklace thing. nice of you to NOT mention it.

another dangerous adventure. again. prick.

Ur lucky your cool boyfriend cares about you so much or you’d have already died like ten years ago

Wu Xie: lol try twenty years ago

Li Cu: That isn’t funny.

Unknown Number: …What?

Wu Xie: shit ur right, okay that was a bit glib, my apologies.

…I use humor as a coping mechanism?

Unknown Number: and Li Cu, how do you feel about that?

Li Cu: he doesn’t even know what that phrase means

He doesn’t cope, like ever

In fact

It’s kind of why we met

Which is a funny story in retrospect tbh

Wu Xie: haha what are you talking about sweetie hahaha need I remind you of certain anecdotes that could idk send me to jail maybe lmao

Unknown Number: …You know, perhaps an in-person meeting might be more effective?

Wu Xie: haha such a nice idea but why

Main Chat

Wu Xie: If I go to jail, I’ll have to create alliances for protection, right, that’s how it works on tv

Who do we know who spends time in jail

Other than Hei Yangjing, he’s only ever there for like 12 hours and i suspect he just gets himself arrested bc he enjoys the breaking out process

Also how’s the curtain case coming along

Zhang Qiling: Has someone threatened you?

Wu Xie: well not yet but soon I’m sure

Wang Pangzi: WHERE WAS THIS PARANOIA WHEN WE GOT TAKEN TO THE TEA HOUSE HUH

Snake Eyes Minus Your Fucking Therapist Chat

Li Cu: okay how tf did u pull off spy and undercover shit

u are sus as hell

Wu Xie: damn son is it pick on Wu Xie night

I missed the flyers or I would’ve invited my uncles

Also re: the curtain it’s been mostly solved

Li Cu: I’m not your son, idiot.

Wu Xie: …oh. Sorry, sorry, you’re right, bad choice of words, haha

Forget i said anything

Delete this chat even

Li Cu: shit I meant

Legally, biologically, I meant—

shit

…I turn into an asshole as a coping mechanism?

Wu Xie: oh that’s all okay! I have to go do something else now let me know if you need anything okay kid thanks!

Li Cu: goddamn it calm down who’s the kid here

lemme organize my thoughts so I can articulate my emotions fuckin healthily or w/e

Ugh maybe for like one afternoon we could go to Ms. Lee together? She knows how to word stuff

Wu Xie: uh…okay.

Li Cu: Anyway you don’t need to worry abt jail

As if you would survive prison for one day you’d piss off half the place in like an hour or less

I gave Ms. Lee the heavily edited version of the desert highway to hell roadtrip and i discussed it more in terms of like “nightmarish but still wouldn’t take any of it back”

Well maybe the sand

that shit was everywhere

Wu Xie: oh kiddo. It’s fine, really…You don’t have to explain yourself to me.

Li Cu: no, no it’s just

I do technically have a dad

who is an asshole. Being a son doesn’t really mean shit to me bc it sucked.

So you need to stop backing down just cuz ur guilty abt stuff. I’m really really glad ur not my dad in a good way. Do u get what I mean there

Where’s the mafia widower I followed into hell, huh

Wu Xie: Ur a good kid, despite my influence. I’m really glad you have someone to talk to after everything I…after everything. Wow this talking through feelings thing is kind of weird but nice ur right

Jfc no wonder it took me and xiaoge so long to—you know what, we won’t get into that

Li Cu: ew tmi

Also re: this week’s recent necklace fuckery

I moved my stuff here, I live here now

So you can’t die anymore

Or else…Idk I don’t have a threat planned

anyways abt the curtain

Wu Xie: oh my god, kid…kid you have no idea

I am in tears.

Li Cu: see this is why I can’t be nice to you I can sense the hallmark channel from here

Ugh don’t be sad in ur room that’s dumb

Go hug Pangzi or something

Maybe delete this chat

Or the curtain thing

Focus on the curtain thing

Just stfu and go away

Wu Xie: <3 screenshotting this <3

Li Cu: I take back everything I said. This is why Xiao Ge sleeps on the roof. I hope the ghosts of the Wangs put up that curtain to strangle you somehow. Go die in a stupid way, it’ll suit you.

Wu Xie: lol don’t worry I’m not gonna embarrass you with it or anything

Main Chat

Wu Xie: omg guys look how cute my kid is *sending screenshot*

Wang Pangzi: I MEAN

HE IS WISHING YOU DEATH

BUT SURE

CUTE I GUESS

Wu Xie: no but read the whole thing:):):)

Zhang Qiling: It is indeed very hard to remain angry with you. And you are welcome to join me on the roof.

Wang Pangzi: UH NOPE

NOT WHENI HAD TO BLEACH THE COUNTER IN THE KITCHEN

DONT TRAUMATIZE THE EARLY BIRDS THEYRE ALREADY FREAKED OUT BY U YA HOODIE CRYPTID

Wu Xie: ok true but babe ur like a sexy cryptid

Wang Meng: so, are we just accepting that there is a glittery curtain of unknown origin, and Huo Daofu is going to have to see it while he’s waiting for you at Wushanju bc you’re going to family therapy?

Wu Xie: right

Wang Pangzi: SHOULDA TAKEN EARLY RETIREMENT HUH

Wang Meng: I’m going to go dust something.

Unnamed Chat:

Unknown number: so the curtain…

Unknown number 2: yep, not my best work but I kinda panicked last minute u know

Unknown number: what is in the water at Wushanju that makes everyone dumb and attractive

Unknown number 2: relax they’ll figure it out

[1kook]

Hi Everyone, please read

tw// racism

First of all, I just wanna say I’m so grateful for all the nice anons and interactions I get to have with people here everyday. I live in a densely populated city so quarantine regulations were super tough when this all started in March and remain strict even all the way into October. I haven’t been able to see my friends a lot or anyone outside of my family and job, which really sucked, but it was fine because I had my blog! The beginning of September I had two fics that did so amazing and of which I am so thankful for their response, because with that came a lot of new anon friends!

I have been on tumblr since 2012, but I have never received the same amount of interaction as I do now. I’m so happy I can interact with people on here be it anonymous or not. I enjoy hearing ideas and doing my best to fulfill them, hearing about someone’s day, and laughing about stupid jokes. It’s gotten to the point where some have picked names and further fleshed out our friendships because of how close we’ve gotten!! I have had so much fun everyday asking stupid questions and getting equally as silly answers and it’s all because I was able to make people feel comfortable on my blog.

However, people are not always nice. That’s fine! It’s the internet, this will always happen. Rarely do I get hateful anons and rarely do I post the few I do get. Sometimes they’re funny and I laugh and go about my day. Most anons have been about my style as an author, the types of fics I put out, and for the most part, the similarity in all my fics. I’ll address this now. if you feel my fics are all the same then consider this.

1. I write fics FOR MYSELF about ideas I have and want to see, and post them FOR MYSELF. I don’t mean to sound cocky but at the end of the day every fic i have ever posted is just me filling my own imagination in a self indulgent way. They’re all the same because they’re all things I like??? Things I want to read??? No offense, but unless I am filling a requests, you’re GONNA SEE jk college au. jk boyfriend. jk dom/sub. jk this and this. Why? Because it’s my blog and I post what I like.

2. If you don’t like my fics.... don’t read them? I am not holding you at gunpoint to read these fics nor is anyone else. If you appear on my blog to complain about my fics ... okay?? I’m not gonna change them lmao. You’re not the target audience, so move along.

But truthfully speaking, this is not the main reason I am making this post. Do I care what people online think about my fics? Mmm not really. Writing fics is something I do in my free time as a hobby. I’ve never wanted to do this professionally lmao. I do it for fun when I’m bored or procrastinating. I have other hobbies I do too. I journal i paint i play soccer I listen to music. I frankly am not offended when people critique my work, especially not when they chose to do it through an anonymous message.

What DOES offend me is when people abuse the anonymous option to be spiteful and hateful, and use my ethnic background against me... OVER KPOP. OVER FAN FIC ABOUT KPOP.

Am I offended about the first part of the ask? No I don’t care. What I am disgusted and disturbed by is that you have been blatantly racist and ignorant not only to ME but to ALL OTHER POCS with the second half of your message. Being a POC writing for BTS is bad?? What do you prefer I write about? Shawn Mendes? Niall Horan? I’d rather choke. What do you even mean??? Am I supposed to write Can fic for completely unproblematic people?? Give me an example?? Furthermore, I am not black so for you to come in here and disrespect black people with your last comment is immature, disgusting, and racist. Go to hell.

I deleted the message. I always delete excessively rude messages. I was hoping it was a one time occurrence but nope. A few hours later.

My status as an undocumented immigrant is something I have shared on tumblr because it is my safe space and somewhere where no one in real life knows me. Did you think this was funny? Did you think I actually laughed? I didn’t. I won’t lie. This ask terrified me. You’re threatening to call ICE on me.... OVER KPOP? OVER FAN FICS OF KPOP? How old are you. How immature do you have to be to take it this far.

I deleted this message and turned off anon. I am not gonna let some anonymous grey sunglasses orb abuse the anonymous option like this. Honestly, I knew another message was bound to follow up and it did ��

thanks for showing me your face, doll. I reported your account and so did a bunch of friends of mine. It’s funny that you mention writing better content but your blog is only ten posts? 9 of which are reblogs of fan fics? What do you write babe? What do you do? Where do you post? As I’ve said before I frankly don’t care for writing advice, this is just a hobby. But if you’re going to claim you’re some modern day Shakespeare maybe have the proof to back it up. Also your first posts says you’re a black woman, but your first ask to me says POC shouldn’t enjoy BTS.... honey all your posts are about BTS. So what’s the truth? Do we enjoy them or not? Next time you feel some type of way towards me as a Mexican woman, don’t start off by hiding behind anon until I force you off, don’t disrespect me or other POCs, and don’t use a burner account like you did. And for the record. I barely believe you’re black, and honestly speaking, everything about your asks have racist undertones only a white person could carry out.

Anyway. I am posting this because I want to highlight just how difficult it is to be a POC in this fandom. Army preach about being this or being that. We love each other. We look out for each other. ARMY is family blah blah blah.

No we’re not.

I have been an ARMY since 2015. The only places I have ever found comfort within this fandom are with other POCs, and even then it is only a few people here and there. This random ass hoe that I have NEVER interacted with before decided to take the fact I am a POC and taunt me, attack me, harass me, whatever you want to call it, and didn’t come off anon until I forced them off.

I am so beyond tired of being a POC in this fandom. When will you all recognize that one “I stand by” post is never enough to support us. “I can’t be racist I support BTS’s message💜” shut the hell up. You kiss these men’s feet for being your woke kings but then turn around and say things like this. Was it fun? Was it cool parading around in your ‘I do whatever BTS does’ cloak? You guys pick and choose when you want to be a model ARMY, and then turn around do things like this. Over kpop. Your allyship means nothing when there are still people like this in fandom who try to bully me OVER KPOP. OVER JUNGKOOK. OVER A MAN WE DONT KNOW AND NEVER WILL KNOW.

Please don’t interact with this person. Please just block and report them.

Anon’s gonna be off for a while, thanks for reading.

[ryuichirou]

Lord God Savior of All Ryu, I ask for but one noble request. lol i just wanna see all your AUs. Like, I always here about them in replies and stuff but I've almost never seen what they actually look like. So if you could just tag pics of them or doodle (they can be super bad 30 sec doodles too, it don't matter to me) them, I would be the happiest, most joyful little shit ever.

Anon!! Thank you for being so interested in our AUs and wanting to learn more about them. It was a very good excuse for us to go through the list of the AUs, doodle them, revisit some of the older ones, etc. So yeah, your wish is granted lol

Here’s the majority of them, we decided not to include those that we’ve barely talked about and thought out... I’ve put tags for those AUs where we have at least something posted. Most of them are something we haven’t even talked about at all and they don’t have a single sketch, but I liked drawing chibis for them way too much. Sorry, I used your ask lol

We have a general tag for our aus and specific ones for some of them, but sometimes an au from here is not tagged separately, so you might have to use this general tag...I tried to fix it, I don’t think I missed anything, so it should be ok now! ;w;

1. Space AU. It’s a story about a space expedition.. which turned out to be not exactly what everyone planned thanks to Erwin. What a commander! 

2. Tribal AU. It’s a story about Eren becoming a part of the tribe where Erwin and Levi live. 

3. Babysitter AU. Levi is a babysitter to Eren and Zeke, unfortunately for Zeke, who’s 17 and not exactly thrilled about being babied. Sometimes there’s kid Erwin too. We’ve never posted anything related to this AU, I think, and I don’t think we will. There’s another AU related to this one, but 19yo Eren from the paths (he has the memory of the manga events) keeps kid Eren company as an invisible ghost, while others think that kid Eren is cursed or something.

4. SnK AU. A classical one, where Eren has dreams about the plot of SnK, but when the story stops progressing, he decides to kidnap Levi to make the plot go on. Erwin finds out later... and keeps Levi in the basement because he wants to know the ending too lmao plus it’s hot.

5. Mines AU. Erwin gathered a team for his wonderful plan to find a treasure, but it’s not like the rest of the team needs to know where they’re really going. Zeke’s particularly terrified to find that out. Despite its name, they spend the majority of time in the forest. Also, there’s a timeskip of 11 years. 

6. AU with Neetwin who’s a history teacher. We don’t tag this one though, it’s not like it’s our AU. So now it’s a Neetwin tag, although one of the drawings is with adult Levi... eh, who cares. 

7. CC AU (cleaning company). Levi works in a cleaning company and cleans up Neetwin and hobo Eren’s apts. They need a lot of work. Yes, they make their apts even dirtier to make Levi spend more time there. 

8. Prison AU. Damn this one is good... we came up with it before reading the timeskip in the manga, so Eren’s appearance doesn’t really match his age, he’s 17 lol Levi is a mafia member who goes to prison because he need to kill one of the inmates (who later became Zeke) on Erwin’s (Levi’s boss) request. Eren’s his personal guard, although Eren works as a regular guard too.

9. King Kong AU. It’s an AU where the Beast Titan is King Kong lmao Zeke is having fun killing dinosaurs... Levi, not so much. Thank Erwin for his wonderful plan of going to this island.

10. Rus AU, basically just characters living in Russia. Because ofc we will have this type of a setting... Damn, I thought we drew this one more often, huh. 

11. Sea AU. Mainly our modern AU, we use it as a base for other modern stuff for the most part. Levi’s getting two boifrond rings, he lives with Erwin, Eren visits them often, Zeke bitches a lot, fun times with and without Zeke, stuff like that. There’s also a subplot (11.5) where Eren gets “kidnapped” by a witch, so Zevi have to find him and bring him back. Titans exist in this AU, Eren and Zeke are titans, and all of them have military training, but Erwin and Levi retired some time ago. We don’t have a tag for just a modern setting, though. 

12. Cult AU. Eren lives on a farm and has a whole village of his followers. He also has cursed animals... and I think we’ve told about some of the plot points in replies. Erwin’s really into all this cult stuff because it affects reality for real, so he asks Levi to follow rituals, although Levi came to ask Eren to go back to normal life and finish the fucking school. 

13. Serial killer AU. Eren’s a serial killer, duh. Never posted anything with this one, unfortunately, but Eren got disappointed in the police when he was a child, so he decided to fix the situation himself, while Erwin and Levi, as a part of a special department, investigate his “fixing”. It also has a time skip. I really need to redraw at least one sketch...

14. Hospital AU. Levi gets into Marley trying to make Eren go back, but it’s not that simple because Eren doesn’t want to lol Basically canonverse with this small change.

15. Hobo AU. Eren and Levi are hobos, Zeke wants his brother to stop living under a fucking bridge. Later Erwin takes both of them under his roof because he really likes Levi, but he can’t leave Eren alone.

16. Doggies AU. AU where Eren’s a wolf and Erwin’s a doggo. Levi got Erwin because he was a retiring trained dog and sniffed enough drugs in his life, and Eren... his “owner” found him on the streets and lied to Levi about Eren being a dog. Later Eren turned into a magnificent beast and now he doesn’t want to leave. There’s also Zeke, but he belongs to Xavier. 

17. AU where Eren wants to become a mangaka. The first post is self-explanatory, although I’d probably make some changes now if I cared enough. There’s also a time skip where Eren ditched his manga and became hobo!Eren. His editor was pissed lol 

18. Scolopendra Eren AU. You know the drill, and I’ve talked about the plot in some of the replies. 

This post doesn’t show up on the tag for some reason.

19. Ghost Eren AU. I should’ve named it combini AU... Anyway, I’ve talked about this one a lot, although poor Erwin gets neglected a little bit lol it’s hard to compete with a ghost when you’re just a mere stalker... but a very invested one. Eren likes Erwin here, they’re vibing on the same malicious-towards-Levi wave. 

20. Shark Eren AU. It’s just for us for funs, Eren’s a shark, and Levi’s there to help him fight depression. Eren later escapes into the sea.

21. Midsommar AU. Levi and Erwin get an invite to go to the village from Yelena, Eren’s a part of a cult who is kinda attracted to one of the newcomers... Such a good movie, we need to draw them properly. Both Yeagerists and Eldians are a part of the cult, they don’t have any specific rules by which I categorised them... Although not all characters are present, and some of them (Jean, I think) are newcomers who will join the cult later. Sorry, I don’t remember much. 

22. Silent Hill AU. It started with Erwin peeking into Levi’s apartment, but now there’s Eren too... We haven’t thought out this one, I’m bad with Silent Hill AUs for some reason. 

23. House Eren AU. Eren’s a house, and we’ve explained how it works too, so just check out the tag. Levi actually lives there with Erwin, but I don’t remember if we’ve mentioned it or decided to skip this info. 

24. Eren pack AU. It’s an AU where Erens of all ages (6 of them, I believe) are a little bit feral, and they have wolf ears and tails, and they live in a specific place and Levi visits them every day and takes care of them. They love Levi. Here’s the only post that survived, and here’s a link for a twitter post which I never got back on tumblr after it got deleted. 

25. Trailer AU. The story is about Levi who has to live with Zeke for a month as his slave because Erwin lost him in a game of cards lol To be fair, Erwin lost a lot of money and their whole flat, and Zeke gave them a choice between that and Levi (he’s horny ok), and Levi agreed. Zeke even put Levi on a chain, although Levi doesn’t even try to escape...

26. Flower shop AU. Eren’s a plant, and he brings death to the whole planet. He keeps Levi alive though, as a treat for himself. We’ve explained some of the stuff in the replies. 

27. Blair Witch AU. It’s pretty much explained in this post, and if you saw the movie, there’s nothing for me to tell you. Everything that’s different from it is in the post lol 

28. Corpse AU. Eren’s a corpse, Levi’s a pathologist who works on difficult and mysterious cases alongside the police. Eren later comes to life along with a couple of other bodies...

29. Antichrist AU. Zevi adopt baby Eren, but Eren’s a fucking satan. He loves Levi, but Zeke... not so much. Zeke loves Eren to death, though. Eren would love to organise that, but first he needs to grow up a little bit. It doesn’t mean that he won’t torture his parents during his journey. And everyone else who interact with them.

30. This one doesn’t have a title, but it’s an AU where kid Eren went missing, and Levi goes into the forest to find him. Levi owns Erwin who’s a good doggo and helps him find Eren. It turns out Eren killed two adult dudes, and he has paths!Eren telling him what to do and how to do it... Paths!Eren has the memory of the canonverse.

31. Zombie apocalypse AU. There’s only one drawing with it though, but basically Levi builds himself a wonderful place to survive the apocalypse, and he keeps Zombie Erwin in the basement in hopes of Hange finding a cure. Then Eren joins just because he can and because Levi’s very awesome. Eren has a boner for the apocalypse and enjoys every second of it. 

32. No title, but Eren was casted away from the canon universe for the rumbling, and now he’s a mythological giant wolf who lives in a deep very old forest. He was very surprised to find out Levi exists in this universe... So he kidnapped him ❤️

33. Halloween AU. You’ve seen this one, it’s a story where Jean, Connie, Sasha and Eren get into the wrong house and find a ritual instead of a Halloween party... So after saving the child who, as it turns out, is not really a victim, they decide to ditch him at Eruri’s place.

34. Okusan AU. Levi’s a housewife, Erwin is a cuckold who’s really into adultery. He invites both Zeke and Eren from time to time to act as Levi’s husbands, and they (Levi and Erwin) almost get caught because the “husband” suddenly came home... Sorry, we’ve read too many doujinshis lol

35. Island AU. Erwin loves sending Levi to dangerous places to get souvenirs for himself, and now it’s time for Levi to get a crystal from a very isolated island full of strict rules in terms of interacting with outsiders. We have a cool idea for a two part drawing (like with our flower shop au), but it’ll take us ages to complete anything at this rate... I have like two sketches on Patreon for now, but damn this AU has so many cool visuals we wanna draw... It’s another cult AU with people living on Paradis (more like one village in the middle of the island), isolated from the rest of the world. They don’t welcome strangers, and Levi has three months to find and steal that crystal, although it’s not that simple.

36. Erewan. Not exactly a full AU, but Erewan’s a cursed animal plushie who kills people and loves Levi a lot. 

37. Cat AU. Everyone’s a cat (duh). Not really our AU, but it has its own tag, and it’s only asks. 

38. Tiny founder Eren AU?? Again, not really our AU, but now it has its own tag. 

I’ve also found the reply where I talk about how characters’ relationships work in some of the AUs, you can check it out too. I thought it was fitting for a master post. 

[viperbarnes]

Do you ever regret deactivating your old blog? I remember you saying you had a 20k following or something. No judgement or anythng but don’t you regret losing all of that?

Sometimes I feel like it would be nice to have that same reach I used to, not even really for my own works, as I’m on hiatus and don’t post at the rate I used to, but more for spreading awareness of issues, sharing other folks works, and just the community in general.

But you know, I don’t actually regret anything. Like, at all.

I had a bunch of followers sure, but that doesn’t actually mean anything. I got a lot of positivity from beautiful people, but I also got a lot of negativity, maybe even more of it, or it could just feel like that in hindsight.

More importantly, I don’t feel as though, after some events and my own impulsive behaviour/posting, that I deserved that platform. Time and again I posted “hottakes” that were just ill-thought through or just plain bad.

I know at various point I hurt people and disappointed people, and I’m still sorry for that. Deleting my blog was not only my way to take a step back, but my own decision to take away that platform I clearly wasn’t managing well with.

There’s a lot of things I regret when it comes to my old blog, but deleting it isn’t one of them.

And just a quick note; thank you to all of you who found me here or followed me here. I know it probably never felt like it, or seemed like it, but I recognise all your URL’s, even if we never spoke, my brain chimes the ‘friend!!’ Bell whenever you pop up on my notes even now.

Your ask found me at just the right time, today lol. As I prepare to move into the next stage of my life, I’ve been thinking a lot on the past two, almost three, years I’ve been in this community, and how much has changed.

I’ve made friends, lost friends, made mistakes, continued to make dumb mistakes, not taken accountability for those mistakes, and been forced to learn and grow from those the hard way.

At some point you have to look back at your impact online and unfortunately mine hasn’t always been good. All I can do now is try my best to improve and be a better person than I was at those times.

Anyway this reply got way too emo and deep and dumb lmao, but I really have been thinking about this a lot lately, so thank u for giving me an excuse to ramble on some 🤪🤡💖

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

warning: suicidal thoughts

An anon sent me an ask but the content might be unsettling / triggering to some of you, so I wanted to put it under keep reading and you can choose for yourself if you want to read it or not.

Remember, I'm not a doctor. I probably need therapy way more than you (you're reading the smut, I'm writing it XD).

I'm just a person. But there was a time, long ago, when I wanted to scream into the abyss and I really wished the abyss could scream back.

It never did.

But this time is different, because this time someone chose me as their abyss and I'm choosing to scream back.

from anon:

What you write hits me so hard. The use of mental health is amazing and it makes me feel better to know someone else goes through this...but I wanna scream. I'm so alone. I don't want these thoughts anymore but its a weight I've had on me for weeks and I've nobody to talk to. Literally, no one. My friends have school in the morning, my parents don't want me to go downstairs. I'm in bed and I don't like this anymore.

I'm not expecting you to answer this post especially as its an anon one and you cannot privately answer because then it will have to be public and thats just an odd thing to have on your page but jesus... I needed to rant. I don't even know you and you don't know me.

But it hurts.

Everything fucking hurts and I don't wanna put up with it anymore. I will try my hardest not to end everything but its so fucking hard. I don't even know if I'm strong enough anymore.

I'll try not to.

I don't need to burden a stranger with my death....heh...

Sorry, I'll stop this stupid thing now.

Idk if I should even send this. Oh well...Imma do it anyway.

Also I hope you have an amazing day. You are a great human. :) Be Happy ~

Ah, where to begin.

All of my works have a part of me in them. There are bits and pieces of my story, my thoughts, my feelings, mixed with fiction. Even if you collected them all, you wouldn't know everything about me. I have avoided certain parts, deliberately been vague, chopped up and rewrote things.

You didn't come here for me. You came to read BTS smut (yeah, I see you, you ain't sneaky about it). You came to imagine choking on Jeon Jungkook's dick or getting fucked by Min Yoongi (or literally any other member; I'm just listing the two I write about most lol).

But I'm the writer.

And I can't help but put part of me in everything I write.

I know this feeling, the loneliness you speak of, even if you think I don't.

I don't know what it's like for you, but for me, it was always this way. Ever since I could remember, being surrounded by people and still feeling utterly alone was there. My childhood? Kinda shitty. The details don't matter - what matters is that the only solace I had was reading books. I read so fucking much when I was a kid, because I could not stand the loneliness that seemed eternal. I felt pain and I didn't know if it was because someone inflicted it upon me or if it was because I was doing it to myself, thinking that was what I deserved.

So I read.

And I started writing myself.

For me, this is solace. This is the place I can be anyone, anything, and I can create a world that is all mine. It is still lonely. Maybe even pathetic. Think about it, I'm literally writing porn about dudes in South Korea who don't know I exist and pretending they care about me (I'm aware that they don't). If they knew, at the very least they would be disappointed in me. Disgusted, or worse.

I've accepted I'm not a very good person.

But I also think that, maybe, just maybe, someone out there reading my stuff takes a pause and forgets about their worries, their fears, their sadness, and they feel 1% better. Maybe. I don't know. I'm not you. Maybe someone out there reads my stuff and they fall asleep dreaming about fucking BTS instead of being awake all night thinking about their pain.

Therapy? Mmm, a big stretch.

But it's something.

I'm not trying to save the world one BTS smut story at a time (LMAO what if that was my tagline tho). I'm just trying to work through my mind, my pain, and I'm posting it here. Maybe it helps you. Maybe it doesn't. Maybe you're only here to learn how to suck dick (I do write a lot of blowjob scenes, but honestly, it's practice XD).

The number of times I have typed and wanted to say something about myself to you, my readers, and then deleted it because I think, "nobody cares about you, they just care that you write porn."

It is reflected in this part of head+heart

“They’re taking so much from you... You keep giving. That’s dangerous. Their selfishness will hurt you. They’re think of you less and less as a person and more and more like a factory. They’ll treat you like a thing they’re entitled to and not like a human being with feelings.”

I'm not saying that's all of you. In fact, if you've read this far, it's definitely not you. But it exists. Not just me, but for BTS too. Anybody who is a creative goes through this feeling.

I am going to do what I continue to do. I won't pressure you into reading. I won't tell you how to live your life. I won't give you meaningless advice that you can't listen to right now because you're visiting the dark place and even good advice can get twisted there, morphed into something it's not because your mind is tricking you.

Life is cruel. Unfair things happen. You can't control it.

There are many paths in life. Everyone has good and bad in them. "Who said people are animals of wisdom? / For me, obviously, we are animals of regret." And yet. "There is nothing permanent in the world. / Everything is just a happening passing through." Happiness is not forever, but neither is pain. The you of right now is not permanent.

Living just to chase a perfect life will leave you unfulfilled. Living for the sake of living is harder. It seems meaningless. Happiness is so fleeting when pain is so crushing. Living to get hurt, living just to float along, living to constantly have to decide what is good and what is bad, only to figure out that the only person who can determine those things is you, because this is your life.

The only person who can live your life is you. You are the only person who can see your tomorrow. So, I ask you.

What if you live like that?

:)

[mermaidssonshipss]

insecure

hi bubs! i’m not the best at writing already established relationships, but i hope you enjoy this and it’s okay. 🥺

warnings: none other than mentions of anxiety and body issues

pairings: rudy pankow x reader

word count: 1,124 (the shortest one i’ve written so far omg go me for not going too crazy lmao)

Scrolling through instagram had become a chore at this point, but for some reason you couldn’t bring yourself to delete the app. Looking at the other girls that filled LA had become an addiction, and you always found yourself comparing yourself to them. 

Though everyone around you always gushed about how pretty and small you were, you had always struggled with your self-image. When you met Rudy 3 years ago after he had moved into the apartment next to yours in LA, he quickly became someone you could confide in, someone you trusted. With him, you felt comfortable.

You’d only been dating a couple of months at this point, both of you finally admitting you’d had feelings for one another one night as you laid in your bed together drinking cheap beer and celebrating the release of Outer Banks.

As Outer Banks’s popularity grew though, so did Rudy’s. His instagram comments were full of girls throwing themselves at him, and his messages were full of LA models trying to introduce themselves. You didn’t blame them, of course. He was absolutely gorgeous, and you’d been pining after him since you met him. 

The past week, you had barely left your bed, refusing to eat and only getting up to force yourself to shower. Rudy was in Alaska currently, and your thoughts were spiraling out of control. You knew he could do better than you; he could have any girl he wanted, so why the hell would he choose you? At this point, you were convinced he was with you out of pity. 

Your texts to him had been short, but you had thought he didn’t notice, or he didn’t care. But when someone knocked on your door at 9 in the morning and you opened it to find Rudy standing in front of you, you were quickly proven wrong.

“Rudy?” You were confused to say the least, as he wasn’t supposed to be back for another 3 weeks.

“Hi baby,” his voice was soft as he looked at you, his heart sinking slightly at the sight in front of him. You were in one of his old soccer t-shirts, a pair of black short shorts peaking out slightly from underneath, and you looked as if you’d dropped 10 pounds since the last time he saw you, but you were still the most beautiful sight to him. 

You moved aside as he stepped inside your apartment, closing the door gently before turning to him. His arms immediately wrapped around your small figure, pulling you into his chest as he held onto you, one of his hands running through your hair. You were quick to return the hug, burying your face in his chest as you breathed in his scent, your eyes closing. The two of you stood there for what felt like forever, just enjoying the feeling of one another, before Rudy pulled away slightly and looked down at you.

“I’m tired from the flight, let’s go to your room,” he mumbled into your hair and you nodded as he grabbed your hand and you both made your way to your room, climbing into your unmade bed. 

Rudy laid on his back, pulling you down so you were resting half on the bed and half on him, your legs tangling with his as you draped your arm around his waist, his own arms holding onto you tightly.

“What’s going on, pretty girl?” He asked finally, his fingers playing with yours that rested on his chest. 

“Nothing,” your response was short, and he let out a quiet huff. 

“I know you better than myself, y/n. You’ve been acting off all week. I texted Lily yesterday asking about you, and she said you hadn’t left your apartment and she didn’t think you were eating,” he was frowning now as he spoke, his hand clutching onto yours and you tugged at the ring on his thumb, twisting it around the finger, “Please just tell me. Did I do something?” He sounded worried, his voice shaking slightly as he genuinely thought he had done something to hurt you. You were quick to shake your head, pulling away from his embrace and leaning back against your headboard, your eyes staring forward as his watched you intently.

“It’s not...” you struggled to push the words out, your fingers tugging at the fabric of your tiny shorts, “You didn’t do anything. You’re perfect, Rudy. But that’s the problem,” your voice was quiet as you spoke, almost a whisper, and his eyebrows furrowed as he sat up on his elbows to get a better look at you, “You could have any girl you want, especially now. There are literal models throwing themselves at you Rudy, and I can’t compare. God, look at me and look at them. Look at me and then look at you. You deserve someone so much better than me.” As you spoke, you felt empty, tears unable to drop as you had cried until you couldn’t cry anymore at this point. Rudy sat up fully now, his hand reaching forward and grabbing your chin, tilting your head so you were looking right at him. 

“Don’t you ever say that about yourself, do you understand? Those other girls mean absolutely nothing to me. I don’t know them, and they don’t know me, they just know what I look like. The moment I saw you I thought you were the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on, y/n. And then I got to know you and you weren’t just a pretty girl from LA, you were so much more than that. If anyone deserves someone better, it’s you. I know you could do so much better than me, but I’m selfish and I’m not going to let you go. Ever. You are mine, and I am one-hundred percent yours,” the tears had finally spilled, Rudy’s thumb wiping them as they fell, and in that moment you had never been more in love with him. He placed a soft kiss on your lips and you melted into him, your hand resting over his on your cheek.

“I love you,” you whispered the words against his lips, your eyes staying closed as you finally admitted it to him. You two hadn’t said it yet as you’d only started dating really, but you had fallen in love with him over the course of the last 3 years. You’d save that admission for later, though.

“I love you, too. So much,” his response had come quick, and there was no hesitation in his voice, “Please, if you’re ever feeling like this, tell me. I want to be there for you. Promise me you won’t try and hide it from me ever again.”

“I promise.”

[notafrogblog]

For the Ask thing, 3, 23, and 24? Have a nice day!

3: Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole?

anything involving romance. i tried writing romance once and to this day it is the fic i hate the most. i haven’t even been able to finish it because i hate it so much, and so it languishes in my google docs like a smug fucking ant infestation. i used to read a lot of romance, and i still read some on occasion, but i’ve become disenchanted with it. not really my thing.

23: If you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why?

probably as you wish, bitch, my unfinished/abandoned princess bride au. i think i could do so much better now, and i’ve considered deleting it because i really don’t like the way i wrote it ;;

24: Have you ever deleted one of your published fics?

if you’re a long-time reader of mine, you might remember my dreammortal. it was a my immortal parody with dreamceler (dream x onceler) written entirely for fun and to destress. ao3 made me delete it because apparently parodies of my immortal break copyright tos lmao