#i do want to lose some weight just bc i have a lot of clothes i got recently that i like that i want to fit into again

[chiso]

Exercise burns WAY too little calories to beat a bad diet, that is very true. I also lost the weight I lost (which his 20kg since summer 2023) through diet alone. Perhaps I did SOME exercise if you count the physical strength and steps you HAVE to do when you walk around in a warehouse, but I was "fat" back then even while working there before, so I don't think it made that much of a difference.

Ofc it's fine to stay happy and learn to love yourself as you are, I just know that I for myself couldn't and I find myself way more attractive now that I lost weight and for anyone who is like me and wants to shed some kgs without a horrible diet that ends in a yoyo- I'll add what I did under here, btw this is for no profit at all, I just want to help fellow people unhappy in their skin and I thought for WAY TOO LONG that losing weight is impossible, when it's actually not that hard.

It's annoying af, I know, but calories count. Get an app that calculates your daily need of calories. It needs your height, age and weight to know the right number. Once you have that, you can extract 100-300 kcal from that total and make this your goal to eat less of that every day for a few weeks, you'll see the weight WILL get down. The scale will sometimes stay the same weight for weeks though but if you keep going you WILL see the change!

Additional to step 1- 100-300 kcal we sometimes take in just with a sweet drink or a snack. It's not that hard to eat less of it and you can still get full! You can google low kcal meals that you can eat lots of- A personal tip from me is eating thin wraps (the thinner the less kcal) with salmon or other protein fillings- since protein makes you full AND is necessary for weight loss and muscle gain. BTW don't you dare to eat less than that, it WILL hinder your weight loss, we need a certain amount of calories to work!!!!!!

Protein, you have to eat enough protein a day for this all to be lasting. I read you have to eat your bodyweight (kg) in grams of protein in a day. For example, back when I was 60kg, I had to eat 60g protein a day. But also don't beat yourself up over it if you don't get that amount daily, I didn't either, just try to whenever you can, and it'll help!

ADD your workout. I had an app that also counted my steps and automatically added the kcal I burned to my daily kcal app. It motivated me to move more because 10k steps is like 100kcal and that was 100kcal I could eat more even WHILE dieting.

Cheat meals. Important: MEAL not day, every Saturday or Sunday I had a cheat meal, sometimes even smth as big as a burger on TOP of my usual daily intake. It helps your metabolism and body to stop thinking you're starving (which makes weight loss slower) so it's not only helpful in case you're starving to eat more (bc ngl it WILL be hard until your stomach has shrinked a lil but you can do it if I did bby) but also helps your diet physically fr! So do these!!! Reward yourself for your hard work

"So does that mean I will 4ever have to count calories?" God no, I did it for over a year until I was sick of it myself. I went from 68kg down to 49kg, when I stopped counting I gained again ofc, but I still know now what contains how many calories and know by heart what I can eat and what I shouldn't. I am 52kg for months now and I don't gain anything more and even if I would, I would know now how to lose it again if it gets really bad. THAT WAS BASICALLY already it. I know not every day will be easy and sometimes you WILL mess up. The trick is not to beat yourself up over it and keep going! Wearing the cute clothes you always wanted to wear will be SO rewarding and worth it, at least it was for me. Disclaimer that I never had children, don't have diabetes, and am in my early 30ies so idk if this will work for everyone but it did for me, and if this just helps one soul my job here is already done!!

Me: Exercise does not cause weight loss. This is a fact that has been demonstrated so robustly in research that even doctors, who hate and fear evidence, are grudgingly starting to admit this.

Someone reading that post: Cool, but have you considered that exercise leads to weight loss?

Me: I am going to eat you

[girlcockholmes]

being chubby means there are wars going on in my mind every single day with millions of soldiers dying

[ilostyou]

lallaaalalala just some things on my mind

[kaemixx0]

I'm bored so why not some tips that have helped me (:

☆ The motivation is strong, but the discipline is more; You have to resist even if you don't want to. Search thinsp0, look in the mirror, think about the progress you've made!

☆ At first it may sound difficult, but once you fall in love with the feeling of being hungry, of being tired, of feeling like you haven't eaten enough, everything gets better, as I said, it's about discipline more than motivation.

☆ Drink a lot of water; that helps me a lot with the craving, feel full and just for distraction. Although I don't know how healthy I am in this regard, I usually drink more than two liters a day :)

☆ Don't forget your goals. Every time you feel hungry, think about all the previous times you have felt it and that didn't mean you ate, you have to be in control, it is your decision.

☆ I don't know how good this is, but I know it's horrible that you like sweets so much and can't eat them because you're ⭐️ving. Resist as long as you can, but if you really crave it, you should eat a small amount, enjoy it, and forget about it. Once in a long time of effort will not be bad, is much better than the frustration make u binge.

Personally, there is always one day a week when I usually eat more than my limit because family gatherings, I have to eat enough so they don't worry, so you too and could take it as a meta day –I have read that it helps maintain in control of your metabolism– and most importantly don't immerse yourself in guilt and frustration about this!

When you eat more than your limit bc you went out with friends, or your family, or maybe you had a good time with someone you love, forget it, our little happiness matters; tomorrow you will do it better.

Adding more:

☆ Download games that keep you focused; I usually play cod mobile, sometimes also while I walk around my house to increase my steps taken haha.

If your parents / family worry about u / u are afraid that they will notice:

☆Of course, if you can, try to eat before or after ur family so they don't notice how little you eat.

☆ Distribute your meals well according to your calorie restriction and how many times or how little your family allows you to eat, for example; I eat two meals a day, my limit is 500 kcal, so I try to make my breakfast very low in kcal because lunch is prepared by my mom and it usually has a lot of calories —you will realize that to achieve this you have to start observing and planning more, hun.

☆ Personally; I usually tell them that I want to take care of myself, being healthy and that I will not eat ultra-processed foods, junk food, etc., they understand that; I don't tell them that I want to lose weight, just want to eat healthy.

☆ Fix your attitude; Idk about you, but after the first week I radically start ⭐️ving myself, they noticed it by my mood; I was constantly irritated, upset and looked very tired, now I try to pretend normality.

☆ It helps me a lot to be active at home, at least now that I'm on vacation; I mean, there are some chores that I do every day —it helps me stay active and my parents think I'm fine :)

☆ In my case, I lost weight in a very short time, it wasn't much but it was noticeable, my parents noticed it, so I decided not to wear tight clothes anymore, normally only oversized t-shirts and loose shorts, that way, they won't notice so easily when I lose weight quickly and they won't worry.

♡ I hope this helps you even a little, stay safe

[chaoticdelinqueerwithglitter]

You'll change your name and change your mind (but you can't leave this fucked up place behind)

(Prompt #18: REVENGE | Unreliable Narrator | Loss of Identity | “I see what's mine and take it.” (Panic! at the Disco, Emperor's New Clothes) )

Notes: Okay, this one was very fun to write to be honest. I asked to myself how I could manage to do "unreliable narrator" and boom, the answer was in front of me! It's Sanzu, I just needed to let him unleash and not try to guide him towards any type of plot or coherency and he'd do the rest on his own. AND HE DID! Same for loss of identity, so easy to lose himself for Mikey, he has no self-respect whatosever, it's fascinating (Such a good gremlin, fr)

So, keep in mind this is very unreliable and very biased and not even Sanzu knows wtf he feels or thinks. He changes his delulu to keep adapting to shit happening around him, don't expect any type of coherency towards himself.

Also: I love Draken, any opinion reflected here is not mine, it's all on the lil pink hater <3

(Settled in Bonten timeline but during Kanto Manji times, you'll see why at the end, hehehehehe)

Warnings: Delusions and very distorted perception of reality, tones of cursing bc Sanzu is a hater, angst. Manga spoilers.

Sanzu acted very smug for days after seeing how Draken looked at him — a puzzled expression with a hint of annoyance, the obvious question written on his idiotic face. Confusion didn’t help that loser to look less ugly, but for once, Sanzu was delighted to see him.

Things got even better when he actually got to hear him venting to Mitsuya — okay, he might have been spying on them, but no way in hell he wouldn’t keep an eye on those fuckers!

Revenge never tasted sweeter, Sanzu was finally back where he belonged. By Mikey’s side, as his right hand and best friend — as it should always have been. That bastard thought he was special to Mikey? Ha, Draken could have been entertaining somehow, but once the novelty was over, once that leech showed his true colors, his king got tired of that moral bullshit. 

Yeah, that was it. Those shitheads of Toman never understood his king’s true potential, they held him back like dead weight. Sanzu was the only one alive who truly knew Mikey, who saw him for who he was, not for who others wanted to make of him. No, Sanzu didn’t see him as a puppet or a means to achieve his goals. Or as someone so righteous that would magically conquer the top of delinquency without staining his hands with blood. 

Because for Sanzu, Mikey himself was the goal — being able to stand by his side, to protect him, to serve him devotedly. Unlike those goodies of Toman, he was very aware Mikey wasn’t a saint either, his king had a talent for violence that no one should limit. And who cared if it was wrong or illegal? They wanted to be criminals, for fucks sake! He was a killer too and he didn’t regret it, he would kill for Mikey again as many times as needed. Nothing came without a price, Sanzu learned that years ago. 

So, of course, he was more than happy now that those pests were finally out of Mikey’s life for good. Sanzu could have answered their questions if he had wanted to, but it was a lot funnier this way — he was Mikey’s first friend, he had always been there but they were too busy to notice him, and obviously Mikey tried to push him away too but, unlike them, Haruchiyo never left. 

That was the big mystery those retards couldn’t comprehend, the magical trick Sanzu performed to be able to remain by Mikey’s side when he tried to isolate himself from everyone. He simply stayed, no matter what, he refused to abandon him. It shouldn’t have been so hard to deduce it, the same way it was obvious that his king was trying to carry some kind of burden all alone. 

His perfect revenge was cut short with the new information that Draken had joined Brahman from the shadows — a secret his ass, as Sanzu wouldn’t know what was happening inside his little sister Senju’s gang. 

It was difficult to choose what angered him more, the fact that the bastard dared to join their gang — trying to erase him again, but this time amongst his own siblings — or how he betrayed Mikey so blatantly. First, he walked away so easily and now joined the enemy?

Apparently, abandoning Mikey once wasn’t enough for the paltry dragon. No, he had the nerve to do it twice. Sanzu knew how much that could hurt his king, so kept the information to himself and resisted the urge to punish the traitor — Mikey had given him a very clear order and no matter how much he hated it, he would obey him. 

Any trace of satisfaction his revenge had made him feel, got completely erased the last time Sanzu interacted with Draken — that day, not even the knowledge that fucker would disappear from their lives forever was enough to bring him even the slightest relief. Fucking daring to appear at Senju’s funeral with that contrite face, like he had ever cared about her? Sanzu couldn’t even grieve his sister in peace without being haunted by him?

“Get the fuck away from here.” Sanzu spat his words with rage, looking at him with red eyes filled with hatred. A part of him was eager, almost begging to have an excuse, to be able to make someone — anyone — pay, to vent his pain with violence. 

But no, Draken stayed silent, too ‘decent’ to actually take the bait in a place like this — that didn’t mean Sanzu couldn’t hurt him anyway. His next words were filled with venom, punctuating each syllable with hate.

“Isn’t that your signature move, anyway? Disappearing after someone else’s little sister died.” 

BOOOOOOM! (yes, this was so damn fun)

Remember when I said he was unreliable? Well, to clarify his biggest lies: He doesn't regret killing for Mikey? My ass considering we're talking about Mucho here -.- (maybe regret is not the word, but that nonchalant attitude is bullshit to delulu himself and we all know it). Also, as you dear reader might have notice, he has very conflicted feelings towards his not-sibling-but-yes-his-siblings-all-at- once.

[doeeyeddyke]

something that sucks about being fat, in my experience, is that it doesn't matter how little i care about being fat or what the research says, i cannot be happy with being fat

it doesn't matter that i'm sometimes content with how i look or that my friends don't care or that babies and my cat love how soft i am which makes me very happy

bc basically the whole rest of the world hates it

doctors always bring up my weight and are like 'oh but you're young and all your vitals are good so just try to lose 30 pounds' (why are they rushing me my blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol, vitamins, nutrients, that stuff is all healthy and normal)

all kinds of relatives laugh about my body and tell me to diet and lose weight, my father snaps at me about it, and my mother is constantly, vocally, violently disgusted by me

and even if i did lose weight, i couldn't ever be skinny, just bc of bone structure and genetics and whatnot but also bc i just don't like that? i don't want to be skinny? like i wouldn't mind losing a couple pounds or for my thighs to get a little smaller so some clothes loosen a bit but that's about it, i don't want to be 120 pounds?

and it's just. it is difficult to legitimately imagine having a future, for many reasons, and one of them is that it's like nothing i do has value, i as a person do not have value, bc i'm fat, and i cannot possibly be permitted to continue existing as a fat person, and i Must lose a lot of weight but also in a way that makes me attractive and doesn't make me saggy or weird or have bad reactions or unhealthy in a way that is noticed by others and it's just. it sucks

i stop hating myself and everyone else thinks i'm fucked in the head for it

[nelly-wants-to-b-skinny]

I've been wanting to do this but I'll just do it all together :)

1. weight- 185, chest- 41.2, waist-34.0, hips-44.0, thighs- 28.0

2. 5'5, yes im totally okay with my height tbh

3. we have a very similar body type so i feel like it's the most realistic for me

4. tbh just losing my dd boobs that's it.

5. im tired of being the big and ugly friend, i owe it to my young chubby self to finally be pretty.

6. define binge lol. to me if I eat normally i define that as binge. but tbh I don't think I actually binge idk.

7. yes they do, however they don't know how far I'm willing to go. but they don't. they're actually happy I am.

8. i would do cardio 3 times a week, and then do core 2 times a week, but now im doing chloe ting workouts so :))

9. 100% all the time, I've hears it ever since grade school tbh, and it's literally ruined who I am and my relationship with food.

10. i guess my love for baking, it's been really hard baking for my friends and family and not having the opportunity to have these things yk.

11. lol i don't have one hahaha.

12. hmm that's a good question, i usually stick to fruits i try to stay away from meat and dairy, however it's not always easy. but for a good day, I'll have my black coffee in the morning and then like a garden salad in the afternoon.

13. definitely unhealthy lmao, I will starve myself until I lose as much weight as I can.

14. 120lbs, it used to be 140 but that's how much my sis weighs and I wanna be smaller than her

15. I'm neither but I seriously am considering going vegetarian bc I didn't eat meat for 3 days and lost literally 7lbs so I just might.

16. I've always tried to lose weight, yk go on a diet, work out, however this year I realized I was going to go on vacation and I needed to look pretty for my pictures so I decided to go back to my old habits and I triggered my ed, it took some time like 2 months until eventually in the end of March I started thinking the same way once again. I would starve and calculate calories.

17. im not sure. I don't want to say yes since I'm not diagnosed, but I will say I have disordered eating 100%.

18. cheese. ik ppl are gonna scream, but I love it so much lol.

19. hmm actually a while back I think like a couple weeks ago maybe I month.

20. ballerina diet ahhh or maybe the iu diet.

21. triggered. lol I'm usually a L/XL for jeans I'm a 14. bra size is 38DD.

22. damn idk bruh, I remember when I used to be 160, that's the lowest number I can remember, that's when I started weighing myself and it ruined me. I don't remember gaining weight tbh, I think it was when I was recovering.

23. absolutely. growing up I watched eugenia a lot and i loved kpop in ms so I would always wonder what it would be like to be skinny like them.

24. uh i don't like them, but that's me personal. I'm not someone to encourage this illness to someone else.

25. yes. I've done it multiple times. my first time was at a party actually. I had eaten 3 slices of pizza and my stomach hurt rlly bad I had told my friend and she told me she'd find me laxatives or smth I told her no. so I hard searched up what to do and I found a reddit form about purging I did exactly that and threw up as much as I could. it was so bad I was crying bc I felt to bad but my stomach felt better. I think that's when I realized I could enjoy my food but also not consume calories.

26. CLOTHES. finally getting to wear what I want and look pretty no matter what. ugh I can't wait.

27. i try to slip into a mentality of like food isn't fuel it's trash, and it's gonna make you rot.

28. I'd love to, i want to lose as much thigh fat as possible I don't think i could think bc of my family genes

29. anything but me. I don't think beauty can be defined. to me beauty is a subjective what is beautiful to me is not beautiful to you.

30. im hispanic. i have curly hair. im bi. i have a gf. i like to bake. i can't swim. i have insomnia. i have social anxiety. i love kpop. coffee is my bsf.

[launching-a-thousand-ships]

Kurt Glee Rewatch: Laryngitis

AKA: the ep with one of Kurt’s best songs. (Pink Houses, obviously XD)

Glad to see Kurt is pulling his weight with vocal warmups lol. But also, let’s appreciate that Brittany just doesn’t have a last name here? I know character wasn’t finalized yet, but I support Rachel just not knowing.

Aw, Kurt finally getting to sing a solo! Also love how Finn complains about Jesse getting all the solos when there is zero evidence of this.

Also Kurt having the same range as a castrato... iconic.

But the fact that Burt shows up at school and Kurt’s immediate response is fear. This is the before Burt’s health stuff but my boy really thought something terrible happened. Guess there’s no other logical reason for Burt to visit? 

And this scene breaks my heart. Love Burt, but he’s still of the ‘let’s each do our own thing’ mindset. One of my fav aspects of Kurt’s character is how close he is to his dad. How even when they don’t spend much time together, Burt is still his most important person bc for so long they only had each other. And my heart just cannot take it.

I just love watching the reactions in this scene (Jenna clearly laughing here). Apparently this was inspired by a bit Lea Michele did of fake bad singing so the whole cast was struggling not to laugh.

But legit I love the Kurt and Sue dynamic so much. And I do love Sue’s line of him liking showtunes not equating being gay. Like, yes Kurt is gay, but it gets so tied up with the rest of his personality. Lowkey, with the s1 arc of Kurt being gay... there’s a bit of Kurt’s crush on Finn? But mainly the ‘problem’ of him being gay is about his clothes/etc. Later, when Blaine goes here, he’s def not bullied as much? Prob partly bc Kurt fought so hard to change the school, but maybe Blaine was more ‘passing’. 

And that frustrates me. Like obvs homophobia is bad (hot take, I know) but the jokes etc are rarely about Kurt gay as liking boys. Tbh the jokes are more in sexism/toxic masculinity bc the jokes and comments are about Kurt being effeminate and more camp. Like, what if Kurt were straight but still acted like that? What if he were gay but was more stereotypically masc?

Idk, I just have a lot of thoughts about this. Esp as even after Kurt’s out, accepted by his friends, there are still lots of jokes about him being ‘girly’ and they bug me. Esp as Kurt... isn’t as ‘girly’ as ppl make him out to be? I go into it a lot in my fashion analysis of him but s1 is the most fem-leaning he dresses and even still it’s... not that fem. I’ll def rant more about this later, as topic comes up more.

Iconic look. And when he tries to ‘butch’ it up he doesn’t dress like jock or the other guys at school. He specifically imitates his dad and my poor sweet Kurt. 

Thinking Pink Houses is about bold interior design is such a move. We get way less of this humour in later seasons (mainly bc Glee tries to be more serious and is way less fun)

Can we also appreciate how Burt clearly sees something is up but he still supports Kurt? He’s afraid of losing his dad, but Burt is never openly neglecting Kurt and would easily drop everything. It’s really just how easy Finn and Burt connect and Kurt wants that same thing, that more casual relationship when conversations with his dad all seem so hard.

Also I’d love to see how that convo went when they got burgers. Did they talk Mellencamp the whole time? Did Kurt learn some fishing facts or something??

Aw, remember when Kurt and Tina were allowed to be friends?

Also these overalls kill me. Kurt pls, no.

I love Jessie’s Girl (one of Finn’s best songs) and Kurt def doesn’t react to it as much as Hello I Love You. I really think that by this point his crush is fizzling out. Esp as he’s focusing more on the situation with his dad.

But legit I unironically love this number and am forever annoyed that they never released a full version.

I love that we’re still in baby!Kurt era but he as this angry affect to help sell the number. Also, Love when he gets to sing in his lower register, and omg the growling is so fun. And I love how right before singing you can see a hint of nervousness on him, poor sweetie

And the reactions! Will’s just like ‘wtf’ and Finn is genuinely into it (he’s just so supportive of Kurt, love to see), Artie and Rachel are just like what is going on?? And I love Rachel’s super halfhearted clap at the end.

I do find it odd that Kurt is clearly going through something and... nobody talks to him? There’s a bit from Schue after the number but like... where is Mercedes? Or could’ve given Tina some lines for once, have her talk to him.

This is one of the very few convos Kurt and Schue have and I understand Kurt being unfazed bc Schue tries to build Kurt up... after repeatedly never supporting his talent. I still say there’s should’ve been a scene in Wheels of Schue talking to Kurt, praising what he did well, etc. Like gosh, isn’t he a teacher?

(K but srsly how is Chris Colfer so pretty, look at that bone structure)

Anyway, love the gay panic when Brittany offers to make out. I do find it interesting how when Kurt tries to bond with his dad, he didn’t change his sexuality. Again, the ‘problems’ were with his appearance and interests. Kurt had said to Sue that he was worried his sexuality was causing distance with his dad, but I think the main strain is from other stuff (his love for theatre and fashion etc)

I also think that Brittany’s offer here is partly a chance for Kurt to keep up his new charade, but maybe he also considers experimenting a bit. He said it he was sure in Preggers but hey, can’t hurt to try.

Did Kurt specifically set out these candles for while he kisses Brittany? Bc lol. (also has anyone seen the BTS where CHris mentions being told he was ‘too good’ at this scene and needed to look more like he didn’t know what he was doing, Iconic)

And him asking what boys lips taste like, awe sweetie

Damn, Kurt really made a whole-ass doorhanger for this. How much planning did he do lol. And why do we never get to see Kurt’s murder mystery parties?? Does he do them for just him and his dad???

“Brittany and I were just having sexual relations” I cannottttt. Delivery of this is 10/10

And Burt here. We saw before how he always knew Kurt was gay (tho the fact that it was bc of him wanting heels.... doesn’t really equate with liking boys but whatever) but he still waited for Kurt to come out. And now he knows this is weird, but prob Kurt questioning/confirming and he’s giving his son the space to figure things out and all he can do is support him no matter what. Love Burt.

Find it weird he just lets them resume making out? But I guess he’s pretty sure they won’t really do anything. The doorhanger suggests it was more just so Burt would catch them.

This is also clearly an indication that Kurt is gay bc otherwise Brittany would totally be his type. He loves that clueless type (Finn, sorta Sam, Blaine who is hella oblivious). Omg, the real reason it didn’t work with Adam: he was way too smart.

Omg, the only sighting of Kurt in cargo pants ever. Kurt was prob so comfy this week lol.

Also, that hat... the true Kurt accidentally breaking through?

Duck fat omg. As long as it’s organic, I guess?

Let’s appreciate Artie and Tina being horrified at this lol. And how when Kurt was whispering to Brittany his voice was usual, but then when he talked to the others and then his dad his voice immediately lowered bc of his current persona. Sweettiieee.

Part of me is v curious about Kurtanny (Britturt?) lasting more than one ep. Like, Brittany just mentioned making out, but they’ve been hanging out for a few days now. Have they been going on dates? What is their life?

And awe, Burt def has good intentions, he wants to be close to Finn bc of Carol etc. But damn, Kurt breaks my heart here.

Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing.

I love how this song is kinda similar to Pink Houses with the anger, the lower voice, even in this song he does a bit of a growl at the start. But damn, what a difference.

I love how so many of Kurt’s solos are about his dad. This, hold your hand, even wheels was connected to that plot. 

ANd this song. I mean, it’s been said a million times. One of his best in the series. The amount of frustration and intensity I just. It’s so good. And that sing/scream at the end holy crap.

I get it’s for the moment with his dad, but lowkey upset he didn’t get to sing this for the club, show how freaking talented he really is.

Kurt: “I’m fine”

Also Kurt: *tearing up*

Damn, early series Kurt was so soft and sweet and emotional. Kurt stays sweet, but he gets so hardened by the crap he goes through and he’s rarely as open and vulnerabl. Like, even s1 he represses, but not as much as later. Def not as successfully.

“Fine don’t sing like you just sung”

I love Burt so much. I will never say it enough. I love how he’s allowed to have flaws, to have to readjust to Kurt, who was not what he’d planned.

And I like how Burt calls Kurt out on the “didn’t know I was a disappointment” bc they both know that’s not what he meant.

I can’t watch this scene without tearing up. Also, def more of crew learning how great a crier Chris Colfer is bc ooh boy will we get more. Burt’s expression when Kurt says how easy it is with Finn, how it breaks his heart. 

And we’ve already seen how Kurt really took up the caretaker role, how he wants to make things easier for his dad, so ofc Kurt would also work hard, try to change himself to connect with his dad.

And I love that Burt immediately puts a stop to that bc Kurt is the son and he shouldn’t have to change who he is. Obvs Burt loves Kurt and would do anything for him, but I think this is def a turning point where he realizes that they can connect beyond that. Like, burt can accept Kurt, but he can also make the effort to learn about what Kurt’s interests (we see how much he learns about theatre as the show goes on) and this is where Burt does away with the ‘you do your thing, I do mine’ perspective on their relationship.

And I love that for them. I love them so much. I live this ep so much. Why do I love a show that I hate so much???

[the-meowing-snake]

I love how people think it's always easy to lose weight. I have issues with ADHD (maybe Autism) im the way that I don't have the energy to do jackshit and don't like going outside much (slightly depressive?), especially in the heat. I gained weight. I will have to start to work out and due to my body clinging on to fat it will be easy to gain weight from muscles but hard to lose weight by losing fat.

And my partner comes from a family that had money issues for years, sometimes they had food until the 10th of the month and afterwards, well have fun. He is overweight and gained quite some weight in the last two years. Even if he only eats like 500 kcal per day (which is way too little, it's actually actively starving yourself) and walking a lot on the job (which is also painful for him so... Yay) and having a fuck ton of muscles over and under his fat he gains weight. "Just eat less and do more sports" he literally barely ate something for some time and gained weight. He can not walk much without his feet hurting, the more he walks the more it travels up until his knees, back, and head hurt. Doing sports with a lot of weight is hard. Fuck off with your "just can do it, if you don't lose weight you just don't want it enough to do something about it" ideology and educate yourself before you speak.

If you don't know how hard (or even impossible) it is to lose weight then don't talk about it.

Shut up, full stop. I don't wanna hear about your "I gained 10 pounds when I got broken up with but I started going outside and even 5 minutes of walking a day made a difference so it only took me two months before I was back to my weight without doing any sports. I know you can lose your 100 pounds just as easy, just try it". You don't know how it feels and how hard it is. You don't know how disheartening it is and how much of your motivation disappears when you just try to do easy exercise and feel like dying after 10 minutes bc you're fat and it's hard and it's hot and I don't have any strength left and I just wanna be able to do this one thing without looking like I just ran a marathon and it will take me a month until I won't die from easy exercise.

I don't say thin people who want to gain weight but struggle with it don't have it hard. I feel for you. But I'm so fed up with thin people whining about having gained 10 pounds and how they need to get rid of it or how easy you lost your weight when I just stand there having trouble to exist in this world. It's so much and I can't do it and I don't even have the energy to make myself 2 meals a day, do you really think I can just will my fat away? It's hard and I just want to cut it off and I broke down multiple times bc I was a chubby teen and due to ADHD and depression I gained weight and I gained weight and I gained weight and I'm fat (not a bad word) and I can't get it off and I'm just tired of fighting against it, especially since it's a losing fight. But I don't have the money to buy myself new clothes all the time and there aren't many possibilities to buy clothes for bigger people and it's expensive as fuck and I just don't want to have to deal with all the issues that come with being fat. I want to cut my fucking fat away bc it causes me to feel bad most of the time and you laugh basically saying it's my own fault and it's easy to lose weight.

Shut up.

Nobody wants to hear the shit coming out of your mouth.

Get a heart and a brain and think for a moment. Maybe you'll change your mind then.

You know I wish fatphobia was less pervasive. Even among people who consider themself as progressive, it's rampant. So quick reminder. No it's actually not easy to stop being fat, and it sucks that we are treated differently for something we really can't control. Shaming a fat person for being fat, and shaming them for not having the "willpower" to become skinny- is bigotry. And if all you talk to fat people about is weight loss and dieting- congratulations! You're being a dick! Stop.

[nathank77]

6/8/24

7:03 a.m

I'm absolutely disgusted by the state of my stuff in the attic. Idk what to even do. What I did was decent progress but then you look at those pictures and you see how much more I got to do and you have no idea how much its ruined... I mean I'm pissed. I'm prob not going up there for a few months and next time due to this dry mouth I'm wearing a face mask. I guess I prob should have. I'm just glad I had glasses on it kept it from getting in my eyes. My glasses were so dusty I had go wash the film off of them.

I don't want to hoard this stuff I just want to get what is useful to me or means something to be out of there. And get my clothes organized in tubs to protect them from shit.... and I'm going to throw away a lot of skinny clothes that pellets fell out of.. it was disgusting. I'm really disappointed. I'm glad I kept most of my stuff down here. It's unfortunate that I didn't keep it all here but I couldn't....

I mean there was a lot of fat clothes boxes... and I mean the pellets... and it's not worth it... sad thing is they were nice clothes and I would have kept them if I could have. I'm too grossed out. Being in that attic is an ocd nightmare but bare in mind- sometimes people get me something for Christmas and I can't fit in my room and I put it up there. A lot of my room decorations got put up there when my room wasn't able to have decorations anymore.. my clothes have been put up there and brought back and put back up there many times due to weight changes..

The boxes of memories are the hardest part. Not to mention paperwork with like my social on it from a less online world time.. like fafsa. Believe it or not I Want to throw out 90% of that room. No joke. But then I think about my social being on some of the paperwork and that makes it hard I don't want to lose my identity. I also don't want lose a card or something someone got me. I made receipt bags full of other stuff like cards and memories... and the idea of having to go through it, its very difficult...

I want to condense all that stuff to about 15 boxes.. well tubs. Clothes. Memories. Important papers. And I mean random shit like decorations I can't fit in my room. so I mean yea.

My mouth is still dry. Especially my gums in two spots. Idk if it's a combo of too many allergens and psychosis or what...

I'm worried about dust mites cause I'm crazy and ocd sucks. I'm worried about the raining pellets of poop coming from my clothes boxes.... I mean it fucking rained...

I'm lucky my bullhead skinny jeans were far away from it sorta.. in a different box with the same problem... I lost one pair bc it was too close to shedding and poop spots... I did see a bug. It looked like a dead stink bug carcus shell. I looked up cockroaches and none of the cockroaches look like it. Short of the deadhead cockroach... but that's a gaint one. And it doesn't look similar enough.

It could all be stink bug poop. I mean that's a plus. I saw a lot of shedding like what looked like onion skin and then in one of the boxes the one with my skinny jeans, I saw the dead bug on its back next to the shit... incase it's a cockroach which it absolutely wasn't- I washed them in hot water and I'm drying them now... it will kill any eggs but I really think I had a stink bug infestation. A dusty stink bug infestation... that all lived in my clothes boxes...

It sucks going from having an apartment to a room and having to filter out new and old stuff up to a vortex. That's what I call it. I prob won't go up there for months. I got my clothes from that broken draw sealed in a box in another room and my old medium boxers sealed in another room in a box. I have a decent pile of stuff I saved... but I want to throw everything out. It's not easy when half of it would be nice if stink bugs or whatever didn't invade my stuff.

The poop is freaking me out. I mean it rained legit rained from the boxes.... and near my exposed legs in shorts..

I'm pretty sure it isn't mouse droppings which is a plus. Or cockroach droppings another plus. The poop from stink bugs aren't dangerous. It's just fucking nasty. Mouse droppings are dangerous. Idk about cockroaches I didn't look it up.

I really want to condense it all, figure out what to do with the important paperwork but now I got to work in a hot environment in a face mask... and decide what to do with boxes full of clothes I wanted to save.

My gums are giving me anxiety... I mean in those two spots. Part of me worries something is wrong. They are receded but not terribly... I do need gum grafts... but like it doesn't look any different than 3 months ago when i took my photos before my dentist appt. It could be psychosis playing off my anxiety..

I mean in one of these spots I often feel like there is a metal plate against my gum line. It doesn't hurt. It just feels like something is always there. Especially when I'm gaming or watching TV. I got to slow down on smoking but it's hard.

Still worried about dust mites. My dry mouth. My gums. My poopy clothes it sucked taking my skinny jeans from that box but it was further away.

I can still hear the raining sound from a different box and see the shit droppings on the floor. It was vile...

I mean I should have worn a face mask lesson learned. I went up there a few times before and tore it apart. My Playstation 2 was up there and I didn't want to lose it and I had to tear through half the room bc it was in the back. I didn't get dry mouth. I wasn't up there as long but I was still up there for a while and I had to comb through boxes to find it.. so I'm reminding myself of that.

I'm going to ask my dentist about the dry gum area where I often feel the plate. I'm sure he will say- well you have gingivitis. Does it hurt? Nope. You might have dry mouth buy artificial saliva. It'll make me feel better. Psychosis knows it's a chronic anxiety point for me. I'd kill myself over losing my teeth. I see my dentist Tuesday.

I mean I'm just anxious, sad about losing so much stuff and still having to go through it to find what it savable and trying to cope with throwing away stuff I wanted to keep for a good reason. Even though it'll be months before I go back up to that disaster.

The other thing I'm trying to tell myself is especially the fat clothes. I wore before I transitioned. Granted I will look different now and they are nice... but maybe it isn't so bad to throw it away. Biggest issue is concert shirts from concerts I actually went to.... there really is a lot of nice stuff that got ruined.

At least I got My bullhead skinny jeans. At least I got my stuff from my room in a different pile away from it all..

I'm not going to live a long life. I'll be lucky to make it to 40. Let alone 50. Why? Well microsleep..of course I'll never find anyone. Psychosis. And then I mean I may have been exposed to mesothelioma when my sister had the siding done on the house. They didn't have my ac perfectly sealed. I recorded it and i mean my sister will make a lot of money off my death.

I try to remind myself I'm not going to live long. Hopefully I find a girl before its too late. Hopefully I didn't get exposed to mesothelioma. And hopefully I didn't get dust mites.

Not to mention I'm worried getting my new furniture bed bugs but what was I supposed to do my room looks like a room and it all looked clean despite being beat up...

I mean also there is that whole once my mother dies- my family will turn against me and kick me out in 2 years max. But yea that's a while from now.

Hopefully my gums feel less dry soon. Hopefully when I wake up the feeling goes away Hopefully I fall asleep fast... and hopefully laundry day isn't too bad tomorrow bc it piled up.... I still got to put my computer chair up in in the vortex. But I'm waiting on that..

I got to go to the grocery store and do laundry tomorrow. I'm going to play bo4 and then maybe nail my graduation stuff to my wall but I may put that off....

[nothing-more-than]

[TW weight mentions. A lot. It's a whole thing.]

Hmm. Thinking abt my weight/feeding tube situation. It seems like getting The Right Amount of calories each day means I'll end up a bit overweight, as I'm still consistently gaining weight each week, and idk how to feel abt that tbh? I talked w my nutritionist and I'm going to reduce my feeds a bit for a while to figure out what amount maintains my weight, but?? I wanna be healthy, and does it really matter. should I just exercise and accept whatever weight my body wants to be.

idk I've never even been a normal weight, so this is taking a Lot of getting used to. I struggle to even put on my socks bc there's less Space to bring my legs close to my body gdjdgjsgd I can't imagine having even less space to bend. And I don't really wanna outgrow my clothes again, considering I bought some new stuff and have already outgrown some of it 😮‍💨

Also. I do have a Concern with potentially being overweight. My doctors believe me now, and as soon as I reach the one year anniversary of my tube we'll be looking into more of my health issues, but if I'm overweight I worry they'll tell me to lose weight first, and I Know I'm not gonna be able to do that, bc what. am I gonna diet? The few fruits I eat throughout the day?? Please

Realistically my doctor is very nice and Probably won't do that, considering he knows I've had my health issues long before any weight gain, but what abt the others? What abt the specialists I'll have to see? If somebody tells me to lose weight I'll probably bite their face off, bc I Worked Hard For This, Dammit!!

So idk. Much to think about... but for now I'll be experimenting to find out if weight maintenance would be at all reasonable, or if it'd be too unhealthy at this point, because depriving myself of many essential calories would be far more unhealthy than simply being a lil chubby

[shatterthefragments]

.fuck

Is it. Worth it? Re: birthday cake

“You should probably cut down on this kind of sweet though”

As if I don’t think about this enough.

As if it’s not sitting heavy on my tongue begging me to throw up. (I don’t. Actually purge. Just the urge is there. The gag reflex is working when it really doesn’t need to. I gag/retch all the time bc I’m sensitive but I don’t really throw up so much anymore unless I’m very ill.)

“Oh I was thinking about making sweet and sour ribs but it uses two tablespoons or so of sugar” [for apparently 3lbs of ribs. Which. To me seems very reasonable]

As if I don’t consider the balance between living life and making it a life worth living and the balance of what needs to be balanced so that there are potentially less complications in the future.

And it would be nice to lose weight. “For my health”, if weight cycling wasn’t a thing. It would be nice to be smaller. And I’ve worked towards being OKAY with my body. It does so much for me.

Even so (and idk how accurate a scale is) I have lost weight since having Covid. I assumed it was all muscle because I had no energy and had extreme fatigue for longer than ever before. (*I don’t remember my high school grad year depression slump well enough to say but I was also dealing with daily headache) but even though I have also lost muscle SUPPOSEDLY I have a higher percentage of muscle bc it wasn’t just muscle I lost apparently. It’s about 10 lbs last time I checked. Which. Of my height is a lot (even though I don’t know. Have I noticed? All my clothes are the same? I’m still right in between the sizes I tend to measure as. *maybe* my mask has a tiny bit more space at my double chin? I don’t know!) potentially but argh?!?

Also it’s a bit creepy that the scale remembers and transmits this to the sister’s phone when she’s back

And. Top surgery would do double duty. Affirming me. And also it would put me under my Spite Weight. (“You’ll never be able to get under that weight if you cross above it”)

But we don’t exist to lose weight.

Sometimes my tummy is cute. Sometimes I love my body. Mostly it’s just there. Disconnected. Some other person’s. dysphoria. (Disconnected by dysphoria and distorted by dysmorphia)

I… when I work I usually get about 10,000 steps in. It’s still many several thousand steps even when I’m being held up by compression socks and my ankleskneesthighships everything aches to the bone and I want to collapse into tears. (I refuse to worry about the stuff I do without my phone in my pocket quantifying everything is the devil and I shall not listen)

I choose to do things.

I am at an activity level that I’m fairly comfortable with. (Though with my days off separated for school right now I’m a little hesitant to say. Go with the queer hiking group for a 10k hike when I don’t have a recovery day after)

I refuse to starve myself. (Mostly bc of what I know it could do)

Doesn’t help when my throat closes up and doesn’t allow me to consume anything or if I try to force myself I just gag until I spit it out anyway. But I’m still able to eat enough I think. Of course you do you’re

I’m fine. I’ll enjoy a bit of cake. I’ll prepare my lunch for tomorrow. I’ll go to bed.

There are some healthier choices I try to make sometimes.

But the best food is the food you can eat (and keep down)

And tbh. Maybe it’s just getting older and that it’s winter. But like. Even though I’m lighter now than I have been for years my joints are at their worst (I should start doing physio exercises before I have to pay for them…)

[jamasauruos-blog]

Dear diary,

Today is a struggle.

Back story: I was in a relationship for 2 years n I tried to do everything for this guy. But he was so lazy. All he did was smoke pot n stay up n play Xbox w his friends. Even when I would have to get up early the next day for work they would be in the bedroom playing Fortnite. A lot of times I would get up n sleep in the other room. N it didn’t bother him at all.

He was so ungrateful towards his mom. She had needed a hip replacement for years n she was working 2 jobs just to get by. She would get home from work n could barely walk. She was in so much pain she would be crying. Yet he couldn’t even clean the litter boxes, take out the trash, wash dishes, clothes nothing.

I was struggling w depression, anxiety n some eating n I didn’t have medication then. But I was sticking around 110. But when I found out he had been cheating on me it broke me down. I found him talking to so many girls on Snapchat some of them dating back to may keep in mind this was around nov.

I was so rattled w anxiety n disgust I could barely eat. I couldn’t stomach the taste of food. I was living on coffee, cantaloupe, n strawberries mostly. I was lucky to get 4 hours of sleep if I took 3 Tylenol pm n smoked a bowl. If I didn’t I could lay there all night in my thoughts until the sun rose.

I quickly got down to 95 lbs. I was a waitress n I was still going a mile a min like I usually did. I remember a size 0 in blue jean shorts were hanging on me.

Now I just got out of a 3 n half year relationship n I want to gain that control again. Im so jealous of myself back then bc it wasn’t hard. I was just really fucking depressed but I’m wanting to wither away again. It’s hard to know what I want w him. Like do I want him to come back. But I know if he comes back then we’ll argue about my eating. But if he stays away I can keep losing weight. But I care about him so much n I do miss him. N hearing that he’s going to stay w his ex (which from the stories I’ve heard is more coocoo than me) makes me feel so jealous.

Like really I’m worse than her. I hate myself so much for hurting him n always being so distant. But at the same time I couldn’t help it. When ppl get in my face n start screaming at me n push me around. Tell me they’re going to punch me in the face. I can’t help but revert into a shell. We had some really good times n we’ve been through some rough life stuff.

I’m sorry it got worse every time we had an argument like that. But I just couldn’t help it. A lot of times I was scared to say anything bc he would say that I was wrong n get mad. But that’s how I felt. I felt so beat down emotionally that I was no longer fun.

Now on kind of a mutual breakup. We acknowledge that we still are about each other. That his anger mixed w my sadness n shutting down wasn’t a good combo. He told me tonight that he didn’t stay here( we rent a house together) bc it’s hard to be around me n not want to go back to the relationship. Well I guess that’s fine bc then he won’t know I’m starving. I can keep punishing myself in secret.

[saintvampy]

ed sheeran warning, not great mental health, some #s mentioned, very long

so ive been trying out healthy weight loss. not the most healthy ever but healthier than my brain wants me to be. 1200 cal limit. high restriction is so fucking hard tho. like its so much easier to just eat as little as possible. but im trying really hard to just have some healthy weight loss rn. just gotta shed a few pounds and fit back into some clothes. im at my highest weight ever bc i got like 10 lbs of titanium on my spine from surgery now. ive never weighed above 135 and now im 150. fucking hate myself. and i feel like my bf knows it and secretly hates me too. unfounded asf ik but my brain says it so it must be true. my goal is to lose 15 and be 135 since my old weight was 125 and i was happy with that so like add 10 pounds for the titanium yk. and its a pretty small amount to lose but to lose it in a healthy way takes sooooo fucking long. and im focusing on fat loss not just like weight in general which also takes a lot more effort. plus atp im trying to not think about the number on the scale bc of the titanum situation. its hard and im honestly contemplating just relapsing to get the weight loss over with. like i could do it in a month if i had a lower limit like 500. ik its not a good idea but 1 month compared to 3 months is a big difference.

[michaeltrangello]

,,

[vaguely-yandere]

okay so fat/chubby darling and playboy yan get together, people think that just bc darling is fat/chubby that they could steal playboy yan from them. like since a lot of ppl has fucked them/ want to fuck them or caught feelings, darling would get some nasty ass stares. (so stupid how this happens irl like arent fat ppl lovable lmao?)

instead of shying away darling would either glare at them ir cling to yan more imo

YEEESSSSSSS people who find it IMPOSSIBLE to believe that fat ppl exist and are loveable !!!!!! ppl who say shit like "well, if YOU can bag THAT, then there's hope for me after all!!" and the second darling complains about it or anything or god forbid playboy overhears, playboy is smashing an unopened champagne bottle over SOMEONES head and they don't care whos!!!!

and playboy yan who worships fat darling, covering them in jewelry and fine clothes, constantly posting them on social media, showing them off everywhere, loving their curves, their roles, their chubby cheeks, their double chin, the fat hanging from their arms, their cellulite, all of it drives playboy yan insane <3 and god, if your weight fluctuates a lot, playboy is just gonna like you even more because they means they have an excuse to update your wardrobe everytime you gain or lose weight!

and playboy yans favorite thing is showing you off at parties, eyes practically forming hearts when you wear the outfit and jewelry they bought you and eat the lil finger foods with your manicured hands and if anyone makes any negative or passive aggressive comment, playboy will throw a fit. yelling, throwing things, etc etc, blah blah, playboy is a bit of a brat!

speaking of, i love imagining darling in a silk dress with a big fluffy boa with playboy kneeling by their side, head resting on their hip, a beautiful and expensive collar around their throat with a leash resting right in darlings hand <3 so cute! darling, despite playboys whining, probably wouldn't do this at a party out of embarrassment but the collar would probably stay, maybe just as a more subtle piece of jewelry and if darlings dominance is threatened? if their relationship with playboy is questioned? darling will just call for their lil piggie bank to come over and with a bat of their eyelashes and a tiny pout, playboy hands over their wallet and tells them to get whatever they want <3

i can also see playboy calling places ahead of time and demanding good chairs. none of those tiny little ones (and god fucking forbid the creaky fragile ones (⁠;⁠ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ⁠) ) and dw, you won't have a "special" chair that draws attention to you, everyone will get a nice comfortable chair that doesn't creak, doesn't dig into your hips or sides and is just nice <3

and i just KNOW playboy would have a thing for hand feeding you. even if you don't eat much, it's so so hard to say no to that face when they hold up a macaroon to your lips and look like they just need you to eat it and gently kiss their thumb afterwards <3 and they'll INSIST on you sitting either on their jacket or in their lap wherever you go, refusing to let your beautiful butt (even if you don't have one) touch a surface anyone else has touched and if you sit in their lap, theyll spend the entire time hugging you, holding you close, gently kissing your neck and shoulders and god, it's so hard not to feel gorgeous and wanted when they act like that <333

and a fat darling who is so confident in their relationship and who they are and in their body that they don't feel bad when ppl stare or make comments, they just turn to their yandere, give them a kiss mid convo with some other uber rich and important person and grins when playboy loses their train of thought mid sentence and just sighs with pleasure as they look at darling, handing over their credit card with a "i don't care how much money you spend as long as you keep kissing me like that" and it wasn't anything special, just a peck and just <3333 it's so nice feeling loved so much