#i do think it's important. i just. cannot make it make sense as a childhood thing sorry lol

[cashmoneyyysstuff]

chapter 1 : the loser in the seat next to you.

no quirk au, mentions of fighting and violence, the yakuza and my very little knowledge of it, privates schools..i have no experience w them, gang violence, found family trope my love, crime syndicate boss daughter! reader, badboy bodyguard! katsuki x fem reader, sunshine reader, reader cries and is shy around new ppl, hurt/BIG comfort, CHILDHOOD FRIENDS TO LUVERS TROPE MY STAR, almost polar opposites, jealous katsuki, reader has a last name but it will be explained later, original characters, izuku catches many strays i promise i lub him yall, touchy katsu touchy reader, slight romantic tension ouuuu, mentions of food n cooking, lemme know if i missed sum (might add more in future chapters !)

a/n : BIG 4K CHAPTER RAGHHH TYSM!!

katsuki cannot remember a single time prior to living with you that anybody had taken care of him.

he thinks his parents might’ve. he doesn’t care to remember them and it’s not like he could, he was a baby when they’d dropped him off in the shithole he called home for eleven years, but at the very least they’d tried to drop him off somewhere where he could’ve had another chance. where he could’ve been taken in by different people and were his circumstances different he could’ve ended up being someone else’s son with someone else’s last name.

but he’s not. and that’s the most care he’s been shown.

his caretakers, and he uses the term loosely, seemed to think that as long as he stayed alive, that as long as he had food is his belly and water to drink he was taken care of enough. and to be fair, katsuki thought that was enough for him too, cus he didn’t know anything else.

alliances and groups were always formed with ulterior motives in mind. associate yourself with someone stronger than you so you could stay on their good side, get in the stronger people’s good graces and rat out the ones lagging behind so you wouldn’t be left alone. they were always for protection but never a mutual one.

and that’s why he didn’t like being in groups, the thought of not knowing what all these other people who claim to be on your side truly think about you made katsuki nervous. trust was for losers like tadashi, some moron who always talked big shit just because he was apart of some well known group in town. only for him to get a tooth knocked out by one of his squad mates and ever since that day no one ever heard him speak again and everyone called him no tooth tadashi.

trust was for idiots, and katsuki was far from one. so he pushed people away, he kicked and stomped and broke people who thought they could use him for their own protection. because if there’s one thing he hates it's when people use him.

trust was for morons and protection was for weaklings, he didn’t need anyone to take care of him. he didn’t even know how to, but if this was it he didn’t want any part of it.

it’s about 9 am and you’re still in bed. katsuki thanks his lucky star because he’s sure if you ever caught him watching mr. nakazawa cook he’d never hear the end of it. and then he’d have to stop watching because you’d insist he wake you up at the same time as him.

he doesn’t know what’s being made but from the smell alone he can tell it’ll be delicious. he can’t see too well what’s happening, only being able to see and hear some rhythmic cutting and the sizzling of a pan.

“you could come over here if you wanna get a closer look,” katsuki jumps at the man’s voice, his eyes widen but he tentatively steps inside of the kitchen.

“how’d you know i was here ?” he asks quietly, the white haired man smiles knowingly, his eyes not leaving the pan in front of him.

"i've got really sharp senses on me." his hands aren't stopping in their motions, katsuki wonders how skilled you have to be to make two different motions with your hands, he can't do it.

"they're important when you're cooking, you gotta know which spices to use, make sure ya don't burn anythin'.." katsuki listens intently as the chef talks, eyes drifting towards the pan. karage pops and crackles, two omurices lay sizzling on another pan. one for you and one for him and katsuki feels his chest tingle, he still needs to remind himself the feeling isn't a bad one despite the burn he feels.

there are some fruits for dessert sitting on the side still uncut, katsuki recognizes your favourite sitting amongst them. "if you want, you could help me out. i'm kinda in need of a hand since 'im being overworked by the big boss." mr. nakazawa's voice cuts through katsuki's train of thought, he sighs like he's exhausted but there's a slight smile on his face.

katsuki looks towards the hallway before looking back at the older male "mr. matsumoto already left, though ?"

"it's miss yn i'm talkin' about, the kid can be a real handful. you wouldn't believe how much food she has me make !" he jests, and katsuki snorts to himself when he comments about how your stomach was a black hole, he agrees.

"so," the cook nudges katsuki slightly "wanna help me out ?"

and usually, katsuki doesn't help anybody, and if he somehow does it's not unless he can get something from it. so he doesn't understand why he nods so eagerly. he hates when people order him around, he never listens to what anyone has to say yet he carries you on his back when you ask and he listens immediately when mr. nakazawa asks him to go wash his hands first. he follows his instructions on how to cut the fruit properly and his end up looking a bit wonky, but mr. nakazawa tells him it's a start and he'll do better next time. next time..

katsuki's never had anybody take care of him, but his chest tightens and he thinks this might be it.

you wake up a little bit later, rubbing sleepily at your eyes only for them to bulge when you see him and mr. nakazawa in the kitchen. said man claps katsuki's back and proudly exclaims to you that katsuki had cut up the fruit you were eating. your favourite ones. katsuki feels his ears burn and he looks away, he doesn't understand why the older man is so happy and boasting about something he himself didn't do. he doesn't understand why you don't comment on how wonky your fruits looked compared to the one's the chef had chopped. instead you ask him if it's true, if he'd really cut these for you. so he nods because katsuki hates lying, cheeks and ears burning. you beam and continue eating, thanking him and mr. nakazawa for all their hard work as you happily munch away.

katsuki finally sits down next to you getting his own portion of food. he didn't get to help out much today, but he's determined to wake up earlier tomorrow so he can cook even more and cut up even more fruits for you. so he can learn to make them less wonky and have mr. nakazawa teach him more so you can enjoy more and more of the food he's made.

katsuki's never taken care of anyone because nobody ever cared for him. but he thinks that this might be it.

the first day katsuki ever goes to school, he decides he already hates it with a passion.

school itself isn't really hard. sure, it's his first day, but it's super easy. and most of the teachers are nice to him, even though he doesn't need them to be since he's had way worse. he just doesn't like the looks he gets. there's too many people in one class, all looking at him because he's new. he feels like some kind of zoo animal.

they're probably looking at him because of the stink eye he has and the glares he shoots at his new classmates. you'd told him once that some people might be scared of him because of his looks--and that was completely fine with him. he'd much rather stay in his comfort zone. he doesn't want people to look at him curiously, he wants the only reason people look at him to be out of weariness of him, like if they were to look away for even a second he'd pounce on them. he likes that.

you're the complete opposite though. katsuki thinks it's weird that you do such a big 180 when you see new people. your dad had told him that this would be both your first days since you'd been homeschooled until then. you cling to him the entire day and he doesn't mind it 'cus you always do, but you're quiet. you aren't chatty and bratty like you always are. you sit next to him quietly during breaks and at one point you don't come back from the bathroom and katsuki, who had been waiting for you ( he can't just run off, he is your bodyguard after all) gets tired of waiting and makes his way over to the girls bathroom, getting some strange looks but he doesn't care. only to stop dead in his tracks when he hears sniffling.

you're crying.

katsuki doesn't take care of people, he doesn't help people. because he's never been taken care of. or because he doesn't need it or maybe because he just doesn't know how to. but he knocks at your stall door, the door rattles with how hard he knocks at it while your whimpers make his skin itch. he tells you he'll beat up the person who did this no matter who they are and to hurry up and come out 'cus he's here.

you tell him that everyone keeps looking at you weirdly, that they whisper about you and that it makes you nervous and that you don't like it, that you want to go home. and katsuki who has no idea how to take care of people, who will probably get in trouble if someone were to see him in here but could care less because you're still crying and that irritates him, tells you that you just needed to point someone out, and he'd do it.

"i don't care if it's everyone in school, even if it's the fuckin' principal, i'll beat up everyone who looked at you weird, okay ?" he urges. so he tells you to stop crying and that he'd take you home. you ask him why, why he'd get himself in trouble for you. even though you joked the night before that if he kept looking nasty he wouldn't be able to make any friends and he'd told you to shut up.

he tells you it's because he's your bodyguard, and katsuki wonders if this is taking care of somebody too.

so yeah, school's super easy. and the teachers aren't bad, but it made you cry, and katsuki decides he hates it with a passion.

when you get to senior year, you're not sitting next to katsuki anymore.

it's been a crazy couple of years since then, and you've gotten better at interacting with people. you've made some acquaintances, but you still cling to katsuki the most. you don't have him carry you on his back (as much) anymore but you've still kept some of your older routines. katsuki's gotten better at cutting up your fruits and cooking in general, so much so that you insist on him cooking your lunch everyday. katsuki tells you not to be stupid, that you should learn to cook on your own. but he helps you like mr. nakazawa once did for him, sure not as gently but considering his line of work he doesn't need to be. and you're learning so that's a win.

he's come a long way from weekly training sessions with your dad and your other uncles. he still isn't allowed to go out on missions that involve killing, that's one thing he is strictly forbidden from asking for. but he gets to go along with other squad member on what your uncle takashi called a règlement de compte. basically, a bunch of dumb french words to say he finds people that fucked with members of his squad or their turf—and fucks them up good.

this is what he's good at, what he's good with. he's good when there's no talking involved. when it's just flying fists and the familiar sting of his knuckles and the adrenaline pumping through him. he hates it when people underestimate him, especially because they're older than him. but he thrives off the looks of fear they give him when he ends up rocking their shit. he's undefeated and the most feared member of his squad and he feels like he's a little kid again. when whispers of him would circle and even just a glance at him made people backtrack in fear. some even called him matsumoto's mad dog, and it's something he's insanely proud of.

and of course, he's still your bodyguard.

but in school he's none of that. he's just katsuki bakugou. a boy some teachers call a delinquent who looks kinda scary. and the boy who never starts fights, but always finishes them.

and then there's you, who hangs out with him everyday. you who calls him katsu or suki and other cheesy stupid nicknames. who pulls his cheeks up to get him to smile more and look him straight in the eyes and tells him he'll get wrinkles by next year if he keeps looking nasty.

you're a sweet little thing. you help your classmates and you get along with them easily. you do good in the subjects you like and manage in the ones you don't as long as katsuki tutors you. you're funny, and you're easy to get along with and your smile absolutely lights up the room (you didn't hear that last part from him though).

on the surface, your father owns a pretty successful business. which landed you both into a private school. katsuki hates how he has to wear the same annoying uniform every day and he'd ditched his jacket not too long after getting it. you'd enjoyed it at first, but you quickly got tired of it too, although you still keep your jacket and added some cute socks to add your own personal touch to it.

from elementary, middle and high school you've always consistently sat right next to katsuki in class. he never admitted it but he really liked that. not only because you were the only person he liked tolerated at school, but also because he could pick on you and poke you with his pencil. you could whisper dumb jokes to each other and he could easily pass you crudely drawn notes of the teachers you disliked. he remembers one time you'd gotten in trouble and had to clean up the classroom as punishment after class. but you got in trouble together and you ended up messing up the classroom even worse than it was before, but you'd had a blast and you walked out of school right next to him.

but this year, you're not sitting next to him anymore. you're sitting next to some new kid.

he reminds him of one of the golden boys at his old orphanage so much that katsuki wonders if he'd ever seen him before. izuku midoriya looks like if the teacher spoke any louder while introducing him he'd piss his pants. katsuki fights the urge to scoff.

he looks unbearably plain. boring, uninteresting and every other adjective. the green haired boy looks like he'd get bullied by the janitor. like he'd fall onto the floor and apologise to the floor for being in its way.

basically, he looked like a loser.

and he's the one who sits next to you.

katsuki's been moved to a row behind and across from you, next to somebody he can't be bothered to remember the name of. on the very first day nothing happens, he watches you greet the freckled boy politely and he squeaks out something to make you laugh, it's probably stupid.

the next day, midoriya forgets his literature book, so you share yours with him. katsuki would've just told him it was too damn bad but you're not like him. your shoulders brush when you sit closer to him so you can both look. you flash him a smile and the boy flushes all the way to his ears, so stupid.

throughout the week you keep talking with midoriya. katsuki doesn't understand what's so special about a seemingly boring guy, when you've literally got a bodyguard. (it's not like the others know, but still). you keep touching him, too. you always let him borrow the notebooks he forgets and you even fixed his tie once. katsuki doesn't wear his tie, he'd stopped wearing it back in his freshman year, but he wishes you'd fix his too. it's childish and it's stupid.

on the way home, you mention how nice izuku is. he's forgotten that was the loser's name and something ugly flares up inside him when you say his name like that, all sweet and stupid and mushy. the tone you use when you want him to make you pancakes because he does them so well. he acts like he doesn't care.

katsuki doesn't sit next to you anymore, but at home it's just you and him. and when it's just you and him you have your weekly movie nights on weekends, a tradition for years now that katsuki has stopped pretending to be upset about. you and him, sharing popcorn and your finger brushing and you sleeping against his shoulder when you get tired. when you fall asleep and katsuki watches your lashes as you dream, it's just you and him.

a few weeks later, you stay behind after school. apparently izuku needs some help with maths. and you're sweet and different from katsuki who would've told him it was his loss, so you'll be home a bit later. katsuki can't control the muscles in his face in time because he makes a face, but he shrugs and turns away. (not before watching you happily skip off with the freckled loser, who mirrors your expression. he watches your lips move, and he wonders what you're talking about.)

katsuki thinks it's stupid. why does he have to listen to you ? he's your bodyguard, he's supposed to stay and keep you safe. but that smile on your face while you talk to the other guy, that would be too much for him.it irritates him to think about it. so he grips his bag tighter, clenches his teeth and walks back alone.

he can't ask you how it went when you get home because he has another score to settle with some no name gang. it irritates him, but he thinks he can blow some steam by punching someone's face in. he doesn't want to admit that he thinks about that freckled fucking loser when his fist makes contact with the bastard he had to find. because that's stupid, and katsuki is far from that.

he'd been more careless than usual tonight, so when he comes back you see the small cut on his nose. you're whining about how he should be more careful despite knowing what line of work he's been put in. it's irritating but katsuki doesn't want to admit that it doesn't bother him as much today. he wants to ask you how your little study date went, but he can't fix his lips to, he hates the way that sounds. and you're already dragging him off to your room where your medkit is. katsuki wants you to smile at him.

katsuki sits down onto your bed, your soft sheets make contact with his skin, he tries his best not to dirty them. your rooms changed some throughout the years, your interests changing along with you.

the first time you'd tried to patch katsuki up was when he was 14 and he'd gotten into a fight. he can't remember what for, but he does remember how you cried. he didn't understand why you did at the time, especially since you were angry at him too, so it confused him even more. you tussled a bit when katsuki refused you but a bandaid on him, saying he could do it by himself. then you'd screamed at him, your voice cracking and breaking, eyebrows furrowed. he can't remember what you'd said fully, too shocked by your expression. wether it was that he was too stubborn for his own good or that he could get an infection. he sat still after your babbling and you both sit quietly. you finally press the bandaid to his face and while you cleaned up his knuckles, you whispered.

"i really don't like it when you get hurt."

you know he's your bodyguard, that sometimes he just has to get hurt. 'cus he's apart of your dad's clan and they get hurt too. they got him out of the nightmare he lived in and it wouldn't be fair that he didn't get hurt as well. your bandages are a little loose because you'd never done this before, but katsuki doesn't say anything. after you'd finished he mumbled "i won't let anyone get a hit on me anymore."

i'll be more careful, i won't worry you anymore. i won't get hurt, so don't be sad.

you're eyes shine and you hug him tightly. his bandages are coming loose already, but he'll fix them later. he won't tell you, because you want to take care of him. he doesn't need it or want it. but his knuckles feel better and his chest feels warm, in the good way. he feels his arms wrap around you. you feel warm just like him, and he thinks this is it.

katsuki snaps out of his thought when your bed dips and he sees you. your eyebrows are pinched in worry.

"what happened ?" you're not looking at him, already cutting up some bandages.

"wasn't paying attention, bastard got a hit on me. won't happen again." he scoffs, you huff a light laugh. looking up at him mischievously. "thought you said nobody would get a hit on you anymore ?" you giggle, just the sound of it has his ears burning.

"shut up, told you it won't happen again." he scoffs, pushing at your arm. you shake your head affectionately, gesturing for his hand and he gives it to you (reluctantly). your skin feels softer than the sheets, katsuki has to keep his heart in check. "anything else hurt ?" you ask, katsuki grunts and you eye him.

"katsuki—"

"no. nothing hurts, m'good. drop it." it comes out rougher than he means, than he means with you. but you simply roll your eyes, already used to his moods. "if you're worried about me, you shoulda seen him." he huffs proudly. "i don't think i want to see that." you snort, katsuki rolls his eyes.

he wants to see you smile like you did before. what could that other guy have said that made you laugh so hard ? that makes you touch him and fix his tie and makes you stay behind at school with him ?

katsuki wonders if you have a crush on the loser in the seat next to you. he's your bodyguard, yet the ugly little feelings rears its head again and he can't help himself.

"how'd your date go ?"

fucking shit.

you blink, then snort "what date ? i was helping izuku out with math, i told you that." the bandaid around his knuckles tightens "don't say stupid stuff."

his chest feels just a bit lighter, but he still hasn't gotten to his goal just yet. "better be careful, next time he'll ask you for help fixing his diaper. fuckin' crybaby." katsuki barks a laugh when you slap his shoulder, holding back a smile of your own. he lifts your head up with his unoccupied hand. you grab at it to push him away "m'not done yet, stop it !" you squeal.

"no worries, i won't tell anyone," he smirks, you poke at his cheek with a smile "it's just us, princess. promise i won't ruin your image." he still calls you that princess nickname, because you're snobby, bratty and spoiled, but it's a bit more affectionate in the roughness of his voice that only you catch on to. you try not to look too affected by it with an eye roll. your hand flies away from his face when he snaps at your fingers.

"you're such an asshat." you huff, the smirk on his face makes your heart thump. "swear." he teases, you push at his arm with a chuckle.

you like hanging out with izuku, at first because he was fun to mess with and he looked cute when he got all blushy. but he actually is really interesting to talk to and he's funny when he isn't in his own head. he reminded you a little of yourself on your very first day of school. it's something you don't want to remember but he seemed so lost. you're glad you got to sit next to him.

but you do miss sitting next to katsuki.

"it's weird not sitting next to you anymore.." you're done bandaging his hands and start tackling his nose. before katsuki can respond you utter a quick "this'll hurt a bit," and press a cotton wad to his nose. he hisses at the sting and you apologise but he waves you off with a grunt.

katsuki can't stop looking at your little frown and sad little puppy dog eyes. and he can't help but want to tease you.

"yeah ? you miss me ?" your insulted expression is everything and he can't help but snicker, until you press the little wad harder against his nose. "fuck !" he hisses. he grips at your hand, pushing the cotton wad towards your face. he manages to nudge it against your cheek and you shake your head, you squirm around and he manages to land on top of you. you both don't realise, katsuki too focused on trying to get back at you.

he catches you off guard when he manages to grab your wrist, throwing them against your bed. and then you realise how close he is to you when his breath fans across your face.

"what're you mad at me for ? don't get embarrassed 'bout the truth," his laboured breaths is all your ears pick up on. you feel hot where his hands grip yours. they're a little moist, he's always been a bit sweaty around his hands but just maybe it has something to do with how if he were to lean in just a bit more your noses would touch. katsuki forgets he's your bodyguard and does so. you gasp at the contact, both your breathing gets harder.

"you fuckin' miss me," he breathes. you scowl up at him, lips slowly forming into a pout.

fuck, you look cute. and fuck, he wants to kiss you.

katsuki thinks maybe you don't have to smile at him. as long as you're looking at him, even just like this, that's more than okay for him.

"dick," you spit, you continue when you look towards your wall "what if i do ? you're my best friend."

no, he isn't. he's your bodyguard. it's the job he'd been entrusted by your father, it's why he's been agreeing to your every bratty whim for years now, 'cus it's his job and your dad trusts him and he owes the man his life. it's why he lets you take care of him and watch movies with him and sleep on him when you're tired.

but his chest feels warm, and his grip on your wrist tightens.

"you're such a baby," it's mean, but his eyes soften and his lip grazes your forehead. it's not even a kiss, barely a touch of his lips against the crown of your head. but your eyes are soft and he's sure his are too. he lets go of your wrists and presses his forehead to yours "m'still here y'know ? even if it's not next to you every class. don't go writin' me off."

you giggle, and you place your hand against his cheek. katsuki doesn't need to be taken care of and he's your bodyguard but he leans into your warmth lightly. your other hand reaches for the cotton wad that luckily landed next to your head during your little scuffle. you wipe his nose just like that. it's quiet and he doesn't rip his gaze away from yours, his eyes look gooey and melty like caramel. they're soft and warm and firey and so handsome. you finish by pressing a little bandaid to his nose and as thank you for taking care of him katsuki smooshes his nose to yours to make you laugh.

and you smile, in a way he knows the loser in the seat next to you never could make you. not because he's your bodyguard but cus he's your best friend, your katsuki who cuts up apples to look like little bunnies for you and the one that ties your shoe laces before you could even look down and notice they were untied, the one who brought you home. the one who'd been sitting next to you every day and will keep doing so for as long as he lives even if he can't at school.

katsuki remembers you telling him that the four bodyguards before him were no fun. that they didn't speak or play with you, but that he was your favourite. that he could be really nice and when you lean up to jokingly give him a get better kiss right on the tip of his nose, he scrunches it up and you giggle, and katsuki remembers that he's your favourite.

he'd told you he was the best and he intends on staying your favourite, so he stuffs his face in your neck and blows raspberries in it to make you giggle and to make you kick your legs he tickles you. he can admit that most bodyguards wouldn't do that. but he's your best friend, and he can admit you're his too.

WHEEW CHAPTER TEWW !! loved writing this i hope yall enjoy ! this chapter was softer but i promise i'll start getting more active later on !! just wanted to have a sorta soft kindaaa in verse katsu character study kinda chap if that makes sense :> hope yall look forward to more chapters ! (p.s. i was really excited to write this part so please don't think every chap is going to come out this fast lol 🩷💗!!!!)

taglist ! : @bkgpackets @erenstitanweave @flowershop1340 @kovu-bunnbunn @queenpiranhadon

[wandussyfantasy]

hiii i have a request 🌚 g!p reader x Wanda pairing. background: reader and pietro are best friends and have been since childhood. reader and wanda never got along but secretly have crushes on each other. wanda is jealous because reader is a player and has hooked up with all of wanda’s friends, and reader just uses those girls to distract from not being able to have wanda because they don’t want to ruin their friendship with pietro. it all comes to a head when reader saves wanda from a handsy at a house party and the tension between them is too much and they confess their feelings and have sex.

i also have more ideas along their universe where they continue to hook up (behind pietro’s back) and wanda thinks it’s not serious (she wants it to be but is afraid of saying anything thinking reader just wants to be casual) but reader thinks they’re exclusive. maybe wanda sees reader talking to an ex and mentions thinking of going out with some guy and reader is all confused and offended like why would you talk to me about planning to cheat on me? and they have a legit convo about being together exclusively

also thinking it would be funny if after all that pietro catches them after having sex when he goes to readers house and bursts in their room and he just pauses absolutely shocked and scandalized, reader thinks they’re about to be murdered , and then pietro is like…you know what? that actually makes so much sense

sorry this is so long, idk if you can tell but the ideas been in my head a while LOL

Busted

Summary: Final part to You Suck, Let's Fuck. Y/n and Wanda start to get sloppy with hiding their relationship from Pietro.

Pairings: Wanda x NB!AMAB!Reader

Word Count: 4,661k

WARNINGS: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DO NOT READ & DO NOT INTERACT!!! smut, g!preader, powerbottom!wanda, fingering, dirty talk, fluff, masturbation, oral, sex toys, public touching, fantasies, and teasing.

𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓. 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐄𝐃 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐂𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍.

“Come on, just one time,” you beg Wanda as you stand behind her in the bathroom. She is brushing her teeth and getting ready for the day. You like to hold her from behind in front of mirrors. As much as you like fucking her from behind in front of the floor length mirror in her bedroom. 

She blushes as she watches you and feels you kiss her neck. “I don’t know. Just, wait a little bit longer. I just got a new prescription. It wouldn’t be safe.” She stops brushing to spit. 

You groan against her neck when she comes back up. She falls against your chest with her eyes closed. She loves being in your strong arms. A door slam has the both of you jumping apart. 

“Wanda! I need-” Pietro starts.

“Damn Wanda! I need to use the restroom! Come on,” you shout from the bathroom  threshold. 

“Wanda, you have to stop hogging the bathroom,” Pietro gripes and Wanda rolls her eyes. 

“Well if this place wasn't overcrowded, maybe we wouldn't continue to have this problem,” Wanda retorts as she starts to pull makeup out. You start dancing like you have to pee. Pietro takes pity on you and takes Wanda out of the room because he needed to ask her about something important. 

“Bitch,” you mutter and stick your tongue out at Wanda. The secret code for affection. 

“Slut,” she hisses and sticks her tongue out. You smile once you close the door and sigh in relief of pulling off the cover up. 

••••

You and Wanda decide to take a day off from school and stay home. Pietro doesn't know and is gone for the day going to class. You are trying to be cute and make something nice for Wanda in the kitchen. She watches you and is so touched by the simple act that she cannot wait to give you a reward. 

While you're mixing the pancake batter, Wanda crawls between you and the kitchen island. She pulls your cock out of your sleep pants and she starts sucking on your cock. “Mmm that feels good,” you hum as you continue to mix the batter. 

The way she licks and sucks on your cock distracts you to the point that you can't think about anything other than her warm lips. You hold her head and start to gently rock your hips, slowly fucking her face. “Fuck, Wanda,” you groan as she strokes the rest of your cock with her warm hand. 

The front door opening causes your eyes to widen. Familiar coughing has your heart racing. “Stop,” you whisper but Wanda is too far gone to hear the hasty whisper. You put your hands on the counter and Wanda takes that as a cue to take the control back. You pray that she at least hears the footsteps getting closer but then she deepthroats you so it's clear that she has no idea. You let out an involuntary moan. 

“Aw no,” Pietro says, then sneezes as he enters the kitchen slightly. “You got the flu too?” He coughs and you nod as you start to sweat. Wanda stalls for a moment. Your dick is throbbing in her mouth. Your heart is pounding anxiously. 

“Yeah, I was trying to make something and ugh, I just started to feel queasy,” you moan again. Trying to mimic the sound you made earlier. 

“Aw damn, I'm sorry,” Pietro coughs again. “I'm going to go lay down.” He points to the rooms. “Hopefully Wanda doesn't get it. We're going to need someone functional to pick up meds and shit.” 

“Yeah, I think she should be home soon. We can have her, ugh, pick stuff up,” you suggest as Wanda starts to suck on your cock again. You are fighting everything in you to not react the way you want to. It's enough to pull off the sick act. 

“Smart, I'll text her,” he says then sneezes. “I'll talk to you later.” He walks off to his room and the fact that he almost caught you with his sister but didn't is enough to have you blowing a load into Wanda's mouth. 

You pull your cock out of her mouth and quickly shove it back into your pants. “That was crazy! I can't believe you,” you whisper shout at her as you look at her on the floor. Wanda holds her finger over her mouth to signal for you to be quiet. Her phone buzzes and she pulls it out to read the message from her brother. 

“We probably should stock up on stuff, you know how bad it gets when someone gets sick in this house. I'll be back,” she kisses you on the cheek. “Finish making the pancakes, I expect them to be stacked in my room by the time I get back.” She grabs her purse and car keys and walks out of the house. You almost can't believe you just came inside of her mouth. 

••••

“Why do you both disappear when we go to these things?” Pietro asks as the three of you sit in an Uber to another house party on campus. “It's like you both agree to go home at the same time or something. I used to be able to actually hangout with you two. What's going on?” 

You hold your breath as you panic. There wasn't a reasonable answer. There was also no way were you going to tell him that you were fucking his sister. 

Wanda looks at you with slightly wide eyes, not sure what to say herself. “Well, sometimes I walk out feeling confident in one of those skimpy outfits but um when I'm there I feel a little weird and leave to change but then I get tired and just go to bed,” Wanda says. “That's why I'm not wearing one of those tonight.” Pietro nods and apologizes to Wanda. He half hugs his sister. 

“Um for me, you know about Wanda’s friends and their little boycott against me. I keep striking out and get bored. I have stuff to ehem, occupy my time at home better than getting rejected.” You say next. 

Pietro frowns, “Oh, I'm sorry Y/n. I didn't realize you were having a hard time picking up. I mean, you have game. I've witnessed you flirt. It's a masterclass. I mean I've spent hours trying to talk with a girl and I've seen you flip that same girl within minutes of approaching her. I swear I've seen the panties drop when they-” 

“OKAY! WE GET IT,” Wanda bursts out. You swear you could see the smoke coming out of her ears. 

“Okay, I won't talk Y/n up now. But Y/n, you've gotta stick with me tonight. I'll help you get some tail tonight.” He pats your shoulder and you smile and say that you appreciate it even though you don't need his help. But what's the alternative? You can't tell him that you're fucking his sister. 

Pietro drags you all over the sorority house, introducing you to the pretty girls. You try to fake the game that Pietro has witnessed time and time again but your heart isn't in it. There is only one person you want to go home with tonight but you can't tell your best friend that. 

You bomb every interaction as you feel Wanda's stare. You want to run to her and kiss her. But you can't escape the arm Pietro has around your shoulders. You can just find her with your eyes. It kills you when you eventually find her flirting with other guys. 

You can't take it anymore. You have to say something. You have to tell Pietro the truth. “Pietro, I have to tell you something,” you start. You've had quite a few drinks so you're louder than you intend to be. “I've been meaning to tell you this for some time now but-” 

“Woah are you feeling well Y/n?” Wanda says as she interjects. “You don't look too good. Maybe I should help you get home.” 

“O-okay,” you stumble on your words as you nod. When Wanda has pulled you outside of the house you frown. “I thought you wanted him to know.” 

“Not like this,” she says as she subtly rubs your back. “Not drunk at a loud party after he tried to hook you up all night,” she shakes her head. “It's not the time,” she looks around before sneaking a kiss on your cheek. 

“Okay,” you agree. When the Uber arrives, the two of you snuggle in the backseat. 

“Geez, you really did need to come home! How much did you drink?” Wanda asks as she helps you into the house. 

“I don't know,” you slur, “your brother kept handing me drinks to loosen me up. Says I need it for the ladies. At this point, nothin’ is happenin’ for the ladies. My dick is dead,” you point to your crotch and laugh. Wanda shakes her head as she helps you into your bed. When you're settled she tries to leave but you grab her wrist and pull her on top of you. “Don't go yet, I want to fall asleep holdin’ you. I like holdin’ you,” you admit. 

Wanda sigh, “I will fall asleep in your arms, honey. As much as I would love to, that's not how Pietro should find us.” 

You pout but you let her go and fall asleep. 

••••

You and Wanda are away on another weekend getaway. The two of you are cuddling on the bed watching a movie and things start to get steamy on the film. You start to think about the things you would like to do to Wanda and your dick starts to come alive. 

“I have a surprise,” Wanda says as she lightly massages the bulge in your sweatpants. 

“You threw out all of the condoms?” You ask excitedly. 

“No,” she rolls her eyes. “Stop asking, I’m not going to say yes. I told you, when I’m ready, I’ll let you know.” 

“Fine, okay,” you laugh, “I’m sorry, it was a bad joke. What’s the surprise?” 

She loosens up and smiles as she kisses you on the lips. She walks to her luggage and unzips it. She diggs inside and pulls out her harness. You’re confused because that’s nothing new. But then she pulls out a dildo much larger than the one she used to use. Your eyes widen. It wasn’t bigger than you but it’s not what a size you’ve had inside of you before. “Tada!” She says as she waves it around. 

“Wow,” you say as you look at the realistic dildo. 

“It vibrates too,” she smiles proudly. 

“My dick doesn’t do that,” you joke. It was girthy and long. You were intimidated to have it inside of you but you thought about how often Wanda’s body has had you endure your penetration. It kind of turns you on more knowing that her body accepts your cock. 

“You're always poking fun at the size of my dildos so I thought I'd get one that would shut you up,” Wanda explains while she removes her dress and pulls on her harness. She winks at you when you look at her with your jaw dropped. She climbs on the bed and takes the dildo to your open mouth. “Get it nice and wet for me,” she hums as pushes and pulls it in and out of your mouth. 

You comply and start to lick the silicone penis. Your cock is creating a tent in your pants as you get turned on by Wanda’s display of dominance. She bites her lips as she watches you get into sucking the dick. She wonders what it would feel like if she had a real penis like you do. How warm your mouth is. The sensations your tongue would bring as it moved around her taut skin. Would it feel the same as when you eat her out? Would it feel better than that? 

“Are you ready for me?” Wanda asks. You pull your mouth off of the toy and nod as you make eye contact. 

“I'm ready,” you whisper. You pull your pants off with a sigh of relief and toss them in the corner. 

Wanda adjusts the dildo onto her strap and tests the remote out to make sure everything is working. When she's confident with the product, she shuts it off and gets ready to fuck you. 

She rubs the tip between your pussy lips the way that you've done to her many times. She gets it now why you tease her that way. It's a power move. You have the control of the pleasure that she's usually begging for. 

Her eyes move to your face and she can see that you're close to begging her. She is going through so many emotions that she doesn't want to think about it anymore. She pushes the head in and is quickly met with resistance. Your hole wasn't ready for the intrusion. She pulls away ready to apologize but you stop her. 

“It's okay Wanda,” you say calmly. You grab the base of the dildo and pull her closer with it. “You just have to take it slow. Come here,” she does as you say and she leans in and reciprocates your kiss when you meet her lips with yours. She closes her eyes and relaxes. What she doesn't realize is that you are slowly stretching your pussy around her strap. Easing her into your body. She doesn't notice until she is practically falling on top of you with your dick pressing against her belly. 

“I'm in?” She asks in a shy voice and you giggle.

“Yes, Wanda,” you kiss the top of her nose. “You're inside of me.” 

“How does it feel? Am I hurting you at all?” 

You chuckle because she sounds like a virgin which neither of you are. “You're cute,” you kiss her lips. “I'm fine. Now fuck me, Wanda.” 

She kisses you one more time before she starts thrusting her hips into yours. Then she pulls as much of the dildo out without completely pulling out and slams her hips back down. Then she turns on the vibration feature and you start moaning loudly as you start to jerk off. 

In your lustful haze you start to imagine Wanda filling you with cum and it sends an orgasm through your pussy making your legs shake. Wanda is unaware of your orgasm as your dick is still hard. She continues to pound into your sensitive pussy, overstimulating you. 

You had no idea that Wanda had it in her to be so good with a strap-on especially since she claims that she never used one before the two of you started fucking but she is a natural. You move your hips to your body connected to hers every time she starts to pull away. You love this girl. You can't believe how lucky you are. 

The two of you fuck well into the night, missing the dinner reservations. It had been a while since the two of you were allotted such alone time without interruption. 

••••

“Okay, I'm ready,” Wanda tells you while the two of you are hanging out in her room. It had been weeks since the last time you asked to have sex without a condom so it took you a minute to understand what she was saying. 

You are sitting on her desk chair removing a bug on her laptop. She initially asked Pietro but she asked when she knew he had a day full of classes and neither of you did. He quickly turned the request over to you before he left. You asked her why she didn't just wait to ask you until he was gone and she explained that she didn't know how long the process would be and she didn't want to have to explain why she asked you over her tech savvy brother. Plus, she wanted to hangout with her girlfriend. It sucks having to pretend to live separate lives now that the two of you have made it official with each other. 

“Sorry, ready for what?” You ask as you continue to scowl at the computer. None of the programs you were running were finding a bug in the computer. But it didn't make any sense to you because the computer wasn't working the way it should. There is a problem with it. 

“To have sex without a condom,” she says shyly. 

“Are you serious?” you turn your head in her direction. She is sitting on her bed wearing a flowy black dress. She has black eyeliner on and you remember her emo phase back in high school. It was torture everyday to make fun of her when all you wanted to do was kiss her, hold her, love her. She spreads her legs open as an invitation as she bites her red lips. “Now?” You ask with wide eyes. 

“Happy birthday,” she lifts her dress up slightly to tease you with the sight of her upper thigh. 

You frown as you think about the date and realize it is your birthday. “How did you remember and I didn't even realize?” You grin at her. 

Wanda shrugs, “You've been busy. Must've slipped your mind.” 

“But it didn't slip yours,” you smile, touched by the simple act of remembering. “You like me,” you say as you slowly crawl on top of her. She blushes as she kisses you.

“Shut up and let me give you your present already,” she giggles between kisses. You drag your fingers up her thighs into her dress and you feel the lack of fabric. 

“Mmm, no underwear again,” you hum. “Again, are you sure about this? Do you have any ground rules?” You ask as your fingers rub against her soft skin. Wanda bites her lips again as her breathing quickens. She shakes her head.

“No rules, no tricks,” she whispers. “Just you and me,” she pulls your shirt off and tosses it behind her. She grabs one of your hands and pulls it from under the dress and puts it on top of it. “No barriers,” you nod at her request and kiss her deeply before you break the kiss and pull her dress off of her. You drop it to the floor beside the two of you. She pulls your basketball shorts and your underwear down until they fall on their own and you step out of them. 

The two of you are completely naked in front of each other in her bedroom. Your focus is on her entirely. As hers is on you. She crawls onto the bed more to get comfortable and you follow her closely. She giggles out of enjoyment. She almost can't believe that she is doing this. She has never had sex without a condom. She's never felt someone's cum inside of her and she is giddy about feeling your cum inside of her. 

You mirror her smile, her giddiness is contagious. When the two of you start kissing again, the giddy energy calms down a bit as the desire for each other grows. “I love you,” she whispers against your lips. 

“I love you,” you return the sentiment as you lean away to admire her beauty. You want to take your time. This is a big moment for the two of you. 

You kiss your way down her body, giving her breasts an appropriate amount of attention. Then you kiss her soft stomach. She twitches when your nose unintentionally tickles her. “Sorry, that wasn't on purpose,” you say, knowing how much she hates being tickled. She sighs with content and combs her fingers through your hair. 

“It's okay, I know it wasn't intentional,” she says softly as she looks down at you. 

You kiss the spot that your nose grazed, “Okay, good.” You continue down her body and when you're focused on her pussy, you put your arms under her thighs so her legs are over your shoulders. You devour her pussy juices. You lick, suck, and finger fuck her pussy. She falls apart, completely at your mercy. Her body shakes with her first orgasm of the day, her moans are muffled to you because her thighs are squeezing your head completely covering your ears.

When you're done with enjoying the way she squirms on your tongue, you crawl back up her body and rub your bare cock against her warm and wet pussy lips. She shivers under your body. “I want you to ride me,” you say against her lips as you kiss her. She nods as she pushes on your shoulders so that the two of you can switch positions. But you're enjoying the way her tongue collides with yours as the two of you kiss. She takes the time that making out with you gives her to collect herself. Then when she's ready, she really pulls away. 

You get in a comfortable position with her pillows supporting your back. Wanda straddles your lap as she had the first night two of you started this whole thing. You admire the way she looks from this angle. Completely naked and all yours. 

She starts by jerking you off first. You moan as she does, exciting yourself more and more as you think about being inside of her without a condom on. Then you have to think of something to calm down before you end up cumming on your own stomach. 

Wanda hovers her pussy over the tip of your penis and rubs it through her pussy lips until she feels it against her entrance. She lowers herself and you have to think of a million nasty things in order to keep from busting too early. Her warm walls engulf your hard cock as it has many times over the course of the past several months. This time feeling them without the barrier of the condom has you moaning a lot more than before. 

Wanda moans as well from feeling you completely. She feels every inch of you in a new way and she intentionally squeezes your cock every few minutes. “Fuck you're so big,” she says as she continues to lower herself on you. 

“Mph you're so tight,” you say with your eyes screwed shut as you try so hard to hold it together but you have to accept that this isn't a time that you can take a long time to make love to her. You only have yourself to blame for building this moment up in your head for so long only to have the reality be so much better. “Fuck, I'm sorry, it's just too good,” you say as you relax and open your eyes.

Wanda giggles and smiles down at you, “It's okay,” she says as she starts to lightly bounce her body on your cock. “I want you to cum,” she admits, taking your hands and placing them on her hips. “Go ahead, do whatever you want to me.” 

“Aw fuck, Wanda,” you groan as you hold her hips to help her ride your throbbing cock. 

That's what Pietro hears when he enters the house. He's confused at first then he rolls his eyes and figures that the two of you are fighting yet again. He sighs as he walks to her room. He sets his things in his room first then he walks over to Wanda’s room. He had time in between classes that he normally spent on campus but today was your birthday and he almost forgot. So he came back home to offer to take you to lunch. 

“Wanda, please don't kill Y/n today, it's OH MY GOD!” He opens the door the moment that you are cumming inside of his sister for the first time. “WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING!?” 

“PIETRO!” Wanda shouts and in your haze you're confused why she'd shout her brother's name instead of yours and then your heart stops and your blood runs cold as you sit up and peek out from behind Wanda’s body. 

“Oh shit!” You say with wide eyes. Wanda has her arms over her breasts as she pulls off of you. She quickly gets under her blanket to cover her body.

Pietro walks out of the room for a second and you scramble out of the bed to grab your shorts. You're pulling on your shirt when he comes back in. “What are you doing to my sister?” He asks in a tone that's on the edge of freaking out. He has always told you that you're his best friend but his sister comes first. “Are you just fuc- are you disrespecting my sister?” He corrects himself. 

“No, God, no! I'm in love with her,” you admit. “This, we have… I've been wanting to tell you I just didn't know how. This isn't how it was supposed to happen! Believe me,” you try to explain. Fearing that he might actually kill you for this. You were never supposed to cross this line. You were never supposed to want Wanda. You were never supposed to act on those thoughts. Not with her. 

He's still not sure how he's meant to react. Pietro is supposed to protect Wanda, always. That's what their dad always taught him to do. When she came home crying because a boy pulled on her hair, he would be sitting in lunch detention for a week for defending her. When her boyfriend cheated on her, he made sure that guy never came back around to try and ask her to take him back. Only to apologize and never return. Now it was you. He doesn't know what to do. 

“Pietro it's true, we've been seeing each other for months. We're in love,” Wanda defends as she holds her bedding to her chest. “Please don't be mad at Y/n! She cherishes your friendship so much! But neither of us could deny our feelings any longer.” She admits and Pietro physically relaxes. 

“You know what? This actually makes a lot of sense.” He says as he starts hysterically laughing. “Oh my goodness how could I not see it? Wow! You two are good,” he shakes his head as he starts to walk away. “Happy birthday, Y/n!” 

When he's out of the room your entire body is filled with relief and you look at Wanda and see that she is relieved as well. “That went a lot better than expected,” you finally say and Wanda starts laughing as she agrees. You laugh as you fall onto the bed, your head landing on her lap. 

She smiles down at you and you up at her. “How do you feel? Now that it's real?” She asks as she lightly caresses your face. 

“It's always been real for me,” you tell her honestly. “I'm just happy we don't have to hide any more.” 

“Me too,” she leans down and kisses your lips upside down. 

••••

“I do,” Wanda says to the Elvis impersonator. 

You, Wanda, Pietro, and a group of your collective friends were in Las Vegas celebrating everyone’s college graduations and their bright futures. Throughout the vacation you couldn't help but be overwhelmed with how much you love and want to spend your life with Wanda so you asked her to marry you. She said yes and the two of you agreed to elope here in Vegas. 

Everyone is different levels of drunk or high but they're all happy for you two. Natasha and Carol are holding each other in tears as they say how happy they are for you. Pietro is smiling as he sits next to his girlfriend with his arm around her shoulders. He asks her if they should be up next and she laughs with a hard no. 

“I pronounce you married!” The Elvis impersonator says and everyone cheers as you and Wanda kiss as a married couple for the first time. 

The End.

[avelera]

Hob Gadling - the absolute maddest of immortal lads

One of the things I love most about Hob Gadling as a character (and as a result, do my best to capture in fic) is how unique his reactions are to immortality and to Dream, and how he so often does the opposite of what one would expect from the genre of "humans granted immortality" but also what the average person and most of the audience expects that they would do with immortality, lending well to the concept that Hob is, genuinely, unhinged and a truly supernatural creature in his own right, which is often lost when the character we see him most often juxtaposed against is Dream, who is even more odd and unhinged if in very different ways

(I've decided to be systematic about this and go through meeting by meeting so strap in, folks it got long, as usual!)

1389 - First of all, Hob simply bragging at all that he doesn't plan to die. OG hipster right there, loving life before it was cool. But also, ok, loving life after being born less than a decade after the Black Plague ended. And in the midst of a great many Black Plague aftershocks! The latter half of the 1300s was a truly abysmal time to be alive, with huge social upheaval, war, plagues, "two bloody Popes fightin'" and in the midst of all this is Hob motherfuckin' Gadling, cheerfully announcing that death is for suckers and he doesn't intend to ever do it.

The man is a soldier! You'd think he'd be more accepting and philosophical about his inevitable death given the time he lives in, the profession he has chosen, the fact that most young men his age were wiped out at age 9 by the second wave of the Black Death, and just, in general, doing all of this while having the misfortune to live in England at the time.

And then when Dream comes up to him, like a complete weirdo, and challenges him on this, Hob is actually pretty nice to him! He gives him a side eye but he also goes along with the question, tells him to ignore his friend's jibes, and cheerfully accepts the wager! I cannot express to you how many turns in the road there are between what a normal person would do and what Hob Gadling does in that moment.

1489 - This one bugs me because the most unexpected thing Hob does is seemingly regress in maturity despite now being 100+ years old.

Now, I'm a huge fan of the theory that he's conning Dream right now and putting on the innocent chucklehead routine to put Dream off from kidnapping him to Faerie Land in exchange for his immortality. HOWEVER, since that's just a headcanon, let's take Hob as he is on the page!

Hob has a job. A Freaking Job. He used to be a bandit and a soldier, things that kind of make sense to do as an immortal (like The Old Guard) when you can't die! You could theoretically make BANK there just by taking dangerous jobs. But Hob doesn't?? He gets a normal-ass job, though in that day's equivalent of getting a job at Microsoft or Apple before they became big, Caxton is like one of the first modern startups in essence, a new technology that made TONS of money once it was imported, and Hob was on the ground floor. Still. HE GOT A JOB as an IMMORTAL. He doesn't seem to have this immortality thing figured out yet? And he doesn't ask Dream hardly any questions about it either! You'd think he'd be frothing at the mouth to better understand wtf happened to him, but once Dream clarifies that he's not the Devil and Hob's soul isn't in danger, that's it! No further questions, your honor! WHAT??

Also, just when you WOULD expect him to beg for death (that IS the genre savvy thing to do, Dream's not wrong!) he DOESN'T. He's more in awe than ever, he seems to be experiencing a second childhood over the fact. He's just vibing and living life. That's so, so unusual in this genre.

Hob also hasn't done any of the savvy things an immortal might do after 100 years! He doesn't actually seem all that angsty about why is he immortal, beyond a bit of fear he might need to pay the piper (Dream) now for this gift. Most vampires in an Anne Rice novel would have gone through about 20 stages of grief after they dealt with the first 100 years of everyone they know and love dying but Hob seems to not only be unbothered but actively gearing up for the next century. It's so bizarre. IT'S SO BIZARRE and I love it because I LOVE characters who DON'T do what you'd expect!

1589 - Hob has a family. HOB HAS A FAMILY. Who in their right MIND would start a family, knowing you'd have to bury your spouse and your children? HOB MOTHERFUCKING GADLING that's who! It's incomprehensible! He does it anyway! It's why I headcanon that he planned to support and nurture his family throughout time, like it was all very deliberate to found a dynasty, but it need not be! Knowing him, he just saw a pretty girl and married her! He didn't even CONSIDER his own wife and children getting angry and jealous with him for having immortality he can't share with them? He didn't even CONSIDER the heartbreak?? WHAT?! Who knows! He just did!

Now, this Hob HAS begun to do SOME of the things one would expect of an immortal - like build up generational wealth, BUT he has a KNIGHTHOOD. What immortal in their right MIND would draw that sort of attention to themselves?? HOB, THAT'S WHO. What are you ON, man, that's INSANE! No wonder he got drowned as a witch the man had ZERO CAUTION AT ALL.

1689 - the man is destitute. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN IF YOU'RE AN IMMORTAL? This is AS puzzling as anything else. Theoretically, Hob could just take a dangerous job with a high fatality rate for quick cash and rebuild his fortune pretty quickly, but he DOESN'T. What went wrong? The possibilities are tantalizing and painfully human that maybe he did do that and failed anyway, or hit even WORSE strings of truly abysmal bad luck.

But somehow, at 300 YEARS OLD it's not until 1789 that we hear Hob has begun socking money away for a rainy day! How does it TAKE YOU that long, sir?? How is that NOT something you figure out in your first century? I've seen a lot of fan writers ascribe a certain amount of immortal savvy to Hob but it's REALLY not there on the page! The guy is NOT genre savvy about immortality AT ALL he doesn't do ANY of the things one would expect, it's absolutely WILD that he falls this low after 300 years after completely failing to, theoretically, CONSIDER this possibility! And then, AND THEN, the guy STILL wants to live. I mean, this one hardly needs saying, that's nuts after what he went through, it's on the page that he's NUTS for this. But the guy is literally in the gutter dreaming of the stars, he is unstoppable I love him so fucking much what a force of nature.

1789 - OK, we've already mentioned that it took until 1789 for Hob to start saving money for a rainy day but let's talk about the fact HE'S NOT ACTUALLY CAREFUL ABOUT BEING CAPTURED?? Again, least genre savvy immortal EVER. You can't die so you'd THINK that being captured or imprisoned or god forbid, thrown down a mine shaft would be the SCARIEST possible fates when you don't have death as an escape, but the guy doesn't even blink at the thought of getting captured by an occultist like Johanna Constantine, dude's totally unbothered! DREAM has to tell him after 400 YEARS that maybe he should be worried about this? THE GUY GOT DROWNED AS A WITCH, picked himself up, dusted himself off, got into some crimes against humanity, and MOVED ON apparently without learning a single goddamn lesson he hasn't had since 1389 which is how to kick ass and look good doing it BUT HE'S NOT EVEN A PROFESSIONAL FIGHTER AS A CAREER, he's just a gentleman of means!

He just... lives a normal human life and seems to expect weird things like being kidnapped by occultists to not happen so long as he stays within those boundaries and you know what? IT SEEMS TO HAVE WORKED! Because to be fair, how many of us outside the bounds of fiction would ever expect the wild stuff like kidnapping to really happen? It's statistically quite vanishingly rare! And that's been all Hob has needed, presumably, to not need to stress since the damn witch trials about his immortality! So yeah, I read fic where Hob is like this very savvy immortal but by 400 YEARS he's BARELY learned to have a savings account under a different name and he STILL doesn't seem too bothered by the possibility of getting hurt or captured! Like, AT ALL?! Absolutely class act right here, top lad, unbelievable, no notes. HOW do you SURVIVE like this as an anomaly, Hob?

1889 - By now, it SEEMS like Hob has bought a clue. He's pretty understated, he's made some amends, SEEMS to have resolved to be less of a shithead, and he's got this immortality thing figured out. It only took him 500 FUCKING YEARS. But again, Hob ISN'T fabulously wealthy as far as we can tell. He's not a megalomaniac and he STILL seems to be vibin' as just a dude doing Just A Dude things like HAVING A JOB and if we borrow from Hob's Leviathan a bit, he's STILL just jumping between industries, just living life down at the normal human level. He hasn't detached from humanity, he lives in the day to day on a level that's just INCONCEIVABLE for a being that's 500 years old.

1989 - Ok, moving on a bit from Hob being an immortal, because getting excited about technology like his brick phone is absolutely so charming I want to squish his cheeks, but he's hardly the only immortal to get excited about that. What I want to talk about is how HOB FORGIVES DREAM for 1889. Because, look, Dream is a prick there. Hob could have been more diplomatic but Dream could have waited for the apology and he didn't.

I have seen SO MANY TAKES where Hob would be MAD after 1889 and RIGHTFULLY SO. But he's NOT. He's not! There are so many fics where he has lingering hurt over it but that's just NOT what the character does! He blames himself! Guy did pretty much nothing wrong except maybe choose his words poorly, but he's blaming HIMSELF for making Dream uncomfortable. Absolute legend. Saints have nothing on this man, that is saint-like behavior. I'd be furious. Hob just misses his friend and BLAMES HIMSELF that Dream isn't there. Not an a single, microscopic trace of anger in sight.

2022 - And then, AND THEN, when he has EVERY REASON to flip out when Dream shows up, finally, after 133 YEARS, after Hob has APPARENTLY stuck around the area just in case, WAITING for him, what does this fucking legend say? "You're late."

THAT'S IT! He's not mad, he totally has a right to be! He doesn't jump out of his chair in shock, that would be a totally expected reaction to! He glances up! He acts like Dream is 5 minutes late instead of over a century WHAT IS THAT?? WHAT IS THAT?! HOW?!! They just settle back with a pint after that like it's nothing. That's not what I would do. I don't think that's what almost any human would do after a shock like that. I still can't wrap my head around it.

So anyway, Hob Gadling, absolutely FASCINATING character from the perspective of just not doing a single fucking thing you'd expect an immortal Just A Dude to do. Goddamn legend right there. Worth remembering for those like me who are obsessed enough to write this guy in fic. He is just so... opposite of everything you'd expect and that is so fucking sexy of him wow

[devine-fem]

Hi! I saw that a little bit ago you said you might write an essay on jondami and if that's something you're still interested in doing I'd love to see your thoughts compiled in that way. No pressure though, I know it's a lot of work!

Okay, took me a bit but here it is: the long awaited essay on Damijon, get a snack and something nice to drink because this is going to be unapologetically long.

Misconceptions. Firstly, I don't know how else to explain that I personally don't exactly see Damian and Jon as children. I mean that they are older to me, and I feel this because with comic books when a character is a child that is their time for development and growing. With Robins they always have this inability to be allowed to grow up due to DC personally wanting Batman to always have a Robin in his arsenal. The thing with Damian and Jon is that they are made to reach a finish line. That finish line being Superman and Batman, which they cannot be before developing and growing into those mantles (if the writer is good and has common sense of course) first. We see that in DCeased, WW23 and other Damian books in the past that becoming Batman and Superman is an important topic for these characters, they have a long way to go. Admittedly, I do enjoy content as to where they are younger because that is where their dynamic peaked to me, I also think it's a very simple serotonin boost and if it's innocent then I really have no issue with indulging. But to me... that's not Damijon. Damijon is about friendship, Damijon is about always being able to seek and find in a certain person and I don't particularly care if this is platonic or romantic. It's important to remember that in canon, they are nothing but friends and I enjoy that all the same, but I also find it interesting to explore their dynamic if it was in a romantic context and that is what Damijon is all about to me. It's just "what would these two characters would do if they developed a different kind of affection towards the other." In my head, with as Damian is now, I doubt he'd be able to hold an intimate relationship without training wheels first and a very understanding partner. He's emotionally distant and he has this great fear of being abandoned which I think would suffocate the relationship. Children are confused and lost people who haven't found themselves yet and while Damian and Jon are both children... I don't exactly think there will be enough room for Jon's problems and Damian's problems as well. I also kind of struggle with wanted to rid them of their age gap, their age gap is just big enough to make it as if Damian has some authority over Jon. It makes it so eventually as Damian and Jon grew that Damian would be somewhat out of reach for Jon and perhaps, he could feel like he'd have to chase after Damian a bit when it comes to milestones and development. It makes them just a little bit more interesting and as I said, I don't exactly want to erase that.

A lot of people bring up the topic of maturity between these two but that would mean that Damian is more mature than Jon and you would know that this is not the case in the comics. The person who slings around insults is Damian, the person who acts brashly is Damian, the person or initiates fights is Damian. The immature one is Damian, he may act like he knows everything but he is a child, he’s incredibly immature and we should remember that.

Damian. It's particularly hard to describe both Jon and Damian separately for me at this point. To me they are something that should had never been separated. Something that comes as a set. Like one of them is missing the other when alone. The thing about Damian Wayne is that he spent his childhood years training to be a natural born winner. He never had a moment in Robin or Damian Al Ghul that let his life be truly his own. The thing about his relationship with both Talia and Bruce is that he feels as though he needs to earn affection and love, similar to how some children may feel this too after going through psychological abuse and neglect - this coming from both Bruce and Talia at times.

It should be noted that the comic that contains this panel is not a good representation of Talia and Damian's relationship but overall, this line is somewhat accurate and holds weight to their dynamic. Damian is someone who feels the need to earn his keep, it's instilled in his brain that basic things that others may get will not be given to him without him having to earn it first. Damian feels like he doesn't belong, like he's stuck between two worlds. He's burdened by constantly having a destiny, a path already carved into the ground for him. Jon. Jon is quite simple. His whole narrative revolves around similar themes as Damian to where Jon feels like he's not truly like his father but also not entirely like his mother. He wants to live up to being like his dad, but a lot of his own individualism gets lost in the process. He has this need to prove himself and make others proud. His upbring was simple and homey. Lois Lane and Clark thought that it'd be best to hide the fact that Clark is Superman and Jon is half kryptonian in order to provide him a mundane foundation as a person. There's not much to say about Jon alone because unfortunately his characterization was cut quite short. Let me talk about the age-up situation. Some people don't understand why this is such a bad thing for Jon's character, but I strongly believe that people of this opinion simply do not care about the character since this is character assassination in the most basic form. Jon's childhood was a very important part of his character as it is for literally all characters. That's where all his personality quirks and traits come in, that's where he can resonate with the audience the most, that's where his bonds with other characters are established. As Jon is now, he's being thrown into the finish line with no prior characterization. Jon's personality is going to be lost when writers pick him up, at times he even seems emotionless and purposeless. He is entirely unrecognizable to me. The only thing that has been established for him is his sexuality and his boyfriend and his solo revolved entirely around said boyfriend. The least they could do is make them good representation, but they aren't even that, sorry, it's jarringly obvious. And it's not just that its "getting in the way of my ship" because I don't want Jon and Damian to be canon, not really, not when this is how they treat a canonically queer character... look at what happened to Jon. I imagine that if they were to be canon then I'd find myself complaining about how DC can't do Jon and Damian's dynamic properly constantly. I don't have that much faith in them. It's disheartening that as a fan of him that I don't have as many good things of him that I do bad. The ship also suffers from this because it's literally about growing up beside someone and that childhood friends to lovers appeal.

Damian & Jon. A lot of time in Damian's stories because of his abrasiveness and offputting/distant personality, he finds it hard to make friends and sometimes it's not entirely the other person's fault. The thing about when he met Jon is that became a past time for him, he was someone who just wanted to be around - who actually went out of his way to be around him as well as they have a wholesome foundation for a friendship. Jon feels deeply for Damian as Damian feels deeply for him. Over and over again, Jon's life is threatened in some way which forces Damian to pull down his emotional walls and show that he does care for Jon.

It's established repeatably that Damian cares a lot for Jon because when he's in danger, he visually starts to panic. Even going as far as calling Jon by his first name which is rare for him because Damian calls everyone by their last name because he speaks very formally but when Jon gets hurt, Damian slips up to suddenly call him by his first name.

Damian was so shaken up that he accidentally calls Jon his friend afterwards, which is important to note because he has always refused to acknowledge their friendship for stubborn reasons. Also to note Damian's stubbornness I'd also like to mention the time where Damian refused to acknowledge Jon could join the teen titans, every time Jon proposed the idea, Damian shut him down till it came the time to vote on whether or not Jon does join the titans and Damian was literally the only person who raised his hand.

This was one of the moments I was most frustrated with Damian because all that arguing with Jon was truly just to annoy him and nothing more, he secretly believed Jon could join the titans the entire time but when it came down to it-

He only made himself and Jon look stupid and proceeds to brush off their friendship once again. I have to admit it is slightly interesting even when frustrating. As for Jon, yes, they bumped heads at first and Jon found himself getting extremely frustrated with Damian's attitude, but it was mostly because Damian is someone, he knows he's going to have to spend a lot of time working besides and he only wanted to be his friend while Damian seemed uninterested.

The thing about these two is that whether they like it or not, they will have to spend their entire lives beside each other. This is something no other dynamic in DC can really replicate. We know Jon feels deeply for Damian, it wasn't able to be verbalized often unfortunately but he has mentioned how highly he thinks of Damian, calling him "the strongest person I know" - stronger than him by far. He's one of the few characters that want to see Damian as he is and doesn't want anything from him, he just likes being around Damian.

And for Damian one of the few ways he knows to provide to Jon is taking him away and going on missions with him, it's kind of sad to think about how this is one of the few ways he knows how to express that he wants to be around Jon. He's gotten up in the middle of the night, went across the city and met up with Jon to hang out with him.

It's sad, yes, but also really sweet. A lot of characters assume the worst for Damian and think that he's bound to end up being the worst version of himself or think he's like a ticking time bomb ready to explode at any moment.

But instead, Jon refuses to acknowledge that Damian can be evil at all, denying entire alternate realities where Damian is slowly becoming the worst version of himself because he deeply believes that in Damian's heart, he could never be anything less than great. Their mantles. Not to talk about DCeased but yes, I will be talking about DCeased because that is the perfect example of how these characters function to me.

This comic showed his the long, excruciating, and lonely years these two would have to face in disaster. The trauma of losing everything, your family and your world and moving mantles to stop it but it being something they had to do together. Like a grave already buried in the ground for them but they laid in it together as kids and adults. If you truly want to understand this ship I deeply think you should turn on your brain and read DCeased.

How they contrast. Jon and Damian's are distinctly different, their personalities are different, their upbringing is different, and what they deeply identify with is different. This is why at times they may argue but at the end of the day, they have to share their life with the other.

How they compare.

At times where they may think they are alone or have no one to talk to then they will always have each other, they're supposed to, that's what their relationship is built on. Understand that in the most basic sense that these two are platonic soulmates. They will be there for each other at the beginning.

And at the end.

They share this great burden together, they share similar paths, fears, worries and goals. They will always be together even when one of them might not want to be because the worst thing you can be when all of these things are happening to you; is alone. Their lives tell the same story just in different places and perspectives, sometimes their most defining moments directly mirror each other.

They both feel like they don’t belong and like they’re stuck between two worlds as well. For Jon, it’s Krypton and Earth, for Damian, its Batman and Al Ghul.

Their mantles supply this destiny they share. It’s what will bring them together and pull them apart.

I feel the need to mention that Jon is one of two characters that sees Damian beyond the son of batman, Damian has said “Well, If I am almost Batman.” and Jon said “You’re so much more than that.”

Damian said “Do you have a better offer?” and Jon said “Well, I have you.”

… I have to love them.

Their relationship with one another platonically. They have the friendship to end all friendships. It quite literally transcends space and time. Regardless of if you like Jon and Damian being friends in the first place or not, you cannot deny that what Jon has done for Damian is not important.

Like I said with Damian, he feels as though the love that he receives has to be earned but when he met Jon, he was introduced to the idea that someone wanted to simply be around him, that someone wanted to be his friend and love him unconditionally. You cannot deny that this friendship helped develop these two in very good directions, not only are these two entertaining but they help each other progress by simply being around the other.

They give to each other what other people can’t. Dick Grayson even admits that Jon sees something in Damian that other people like to ignore. This is very important. Now Jon’s relationship to Damian could help him as well, knowing Damian could grant him an extra layer of empathy and understanding, it already does and he can use what he’s learned from Damian in the future.

Damian teaches Jon what it means to be a hero, Jon teaches Damian what it means to be a kid. Damian shows Jon what love has been and Jon shows Damian what love can be. It’s very compelling. These are two lost people who make each other feel accepted and normal.

The potential of their relationship romantically.

Imagining what it would be like if DC was capable of allowing these two to engage in a romantic relationship with the other is compelling. Firstly, I highly doubt that DC will ever properly portray these two’s relationship with the other if they did pull the trigger.

But in the fantasy world where everything is perfect, I think it’d be nice for these characters to have a relationship free of their narratives. To be allowed to be confused about their feelings and even reject them; to have us as an audience be able to watch these two slowly navigate it over time and especially with them both being same sex, I feel like DC just showing that they’re not afraid to portray that type of relationship between character directly under one of their biggest names is certainly heartwarming.

Jon coming to terms with liking boys and having a crush on someone the same gender as him while also struggling to have that perfect american life that his father’s narrative values so much and that confusing him.

Damian struggling with his feelings and allowing himself to not feel like he’s doing something wrong by falling in love with another person.

And perhaps this love being catalyst for them to want to grow up to be distinctly different from their fathers, to carve a path for themselves because they realize that they are their own person and can’t be entirely perfect for everyone else but just perfect enough for each other.

The wasted potential of the characters overall. Super Sons was a very important comic book, it supplied things for Damian fans that was starved of us. If you look at the internet before Super Sons you will see people complaining about how Damian's stories do not contain a certain element to it which was entirely fixed by Super Sons being created, Super Sons left much to be desired. I still think that series was meant to go on for way longer than it did and contain a lot of meaningful stories for the both of them so it's a real shame that it was cut short.

Unfortunately, even though some writers want to separate Jon and Damian, they’ll never fully be able to because of how engraved Damian is into Jon’s character. Damian is one of Jon’s core personality traits because overall, he is greatly lacking so they’ll never be able to be truly separated. It’s safe to say that his character is ruined and the only way for you to like it is to have bad taste in media.

Why I personally think it’s so good. All of these things I mentioned are not really given to you with other ships like Timkon, Superbat, etc. Nothing speaks to me like this and if you really understood it then you'd know that all of these things are entirely different. Damijon in canon is literally what people think Superbat is, the way that people want Clark to provide release and catharsis to Bruce is literally done for Damijon in canon. Between Superbat, Timkon and Damijon, Damijon evidently has the strongest bond/is allowed to have the strongest bond, these characters distinctly have an effect on the other that cannot be replicated with the others. Not to put these two ships down but it's evident, I've always been against the idea that Timkon and Superbat are similar to Damijon because they just aren't literally at all.

I truly believe that if Jon and Damian weren’t Superman and Batman’s sons then I’d still ship them anyway, I also think with unfortunately the way that DC is dealing with Jon’s character that if Damian was allowed to have a relationship akin to his with Jon’s something almost exactly mirroring Jon and Damian then I’d drop Damijon instantly… but… till that day.

Damian and Jon make each other happy in the purest way possible and till that stops I think I’m shipping that.

What to check out if you’re interested in it. I made a reading list for these two a while back.

[heavysighing-dreamyeyes]

Congratulations for getting 750 followers, I absolutely adore your works! ❤️❤️❤️

For the event I'd love you to consider those:

1. Jason is the most caring friend. I think that because of his previous experiences of having to care for his mum when she was sick and also because of events that followed his death, especially the emotional hurt he faced, he became very caring and perceptive for those he cares about. He knows all too well how it is to feel abandoned and vulnerable and his goal is to do everything he can to prevent those he loves from getting the same experiences. He's the most affectionate in a quiet way, like, he's the type of person that waits when you tie your shoelaces, he asks for a messege to know you got home safely, he's a great listener, and likes to hear his friends talk about their interest even when he isn't too keen on particular topics, because what matters the most to him is that he has people that love him and that want him in their loves and share their thoughts with him.

He is also extra caring when you get sick, part of him is scared that you'll only get worse no matter what he does, like when his mum was growing weaker in his childhood, but he tries to put that fear aside and focus on doing everything he can to make you feel better.

He takes pride in being able to protect those he cares about and doesn't see it as a duty but as a privilege.

2. I also believe he likes handmade gifts the most. He knows how long it takes to do something by yourself, and he almost cannot belive that for someone he was worth the effort. Expensive things are nothing to him compared to one-of-a-kind decoration, piece of clothing or something cooked or baked specially for his tastes.

Thank you for reading and I hope it isn't too long and that my english is okay😅

And again, thank you for sharing your works, they are the best ❤️ I love your style of writing and the personality of your characters, thinking about your pirate au got me through many commutes lately ❤️ Good luck in the future!!! To many more followers! ❤️

Hi, Tina! Thank you so much!! I'm so glad to hear you're enjoying that au! 🥰💛💛

Ah, I feel I don't even need to add anything to this, but let me try!

1. Yes, I think a big love language for Jason Todd is acts of service. (Touch as well, but I think this would be more if you're dating) As friends, Jason's going to look out for you. It's in his nature to care for the people around him, even if it's detrimental to himself. He's going to do the little things, the big things, the things you won't even notice, all without expecting anything in return because he loves. He loves so much, friendship, romantic, familial, or whatever you'd like to call it.

I also think quality time is going to be important, as you hit on, listening and talking to each other is something he's going to enjoy, no matter what. Even just sitting near each other in the same room and existing together makes him happy!

2. I'm mostly with you in this. Jason's going to love anything you give him, but handmade gifts are going to make his heart skip a beat. Even just wrapping the gift yourself feels special because you took the time to do something for him, while thinking about him. Life gets busy, and the fact that you're willing to carve a piece of time out of your day for him means the world.

The only thing I wouldn't go as far as to say is that expensive things aren't as good as something handmade. I think if you're spending your hard earned money on him instead of on yourself and taking the time to pick out something you think he'd like, it's still a clear effort to do something for him. (I hope that makes sense)

Either way, acts of service are going to be part of the relationship, whether that includes gift giving or not!

[makethosenarratorsfight]

UNRELIABLE NARRATORS; SEMI FINALS

Lemony Snicket Propaganda:

(I would like to preface this by saying that Lemony Snicket is the author's pen name, not a real person, and he exists as a character in-universe as well as being the one in-universe who writes the books!) I'd say he's unreliable because he spent time collecting information about the Baudelaire kids and then... wrote books about it. He has no idea what any of their dialogue actually was, what they were thinking, or even the whole plot, he's just doing research into the incidents and then filling in the gaps to make it a story. What ACTUALLY happened to the Baudelaires? Nobody really knows for sure

While the Baudelaire siblings are in potentially life threatening danger, he will randomly start talking about his own life and just leave the siblings hanging. For example, once Count Olaf was threatening to kill Violet, and then Lemony randomly began talking about how he met the love of his life at a costume party. This man CANNOT stay on topic. Usually when a new character is introduced, Lemony tells us right at the start that they’re either going to die or that the Baudelaire siblings will never see them again. Foreshadowing is not subtle in these books. CONSTANTLY emphasizes how miserable he feels while writing these books. At one point he admits that he had to put his pencil down and go cry for a while because of how sad it made him. Once he filled an entire page with nothing but the word “ever” to emphasize how dangerous it is to put forks in electrical outlets. He also repeated a paragraph about deja vu later on in the book to give the reader deja vu.

Marvin propaganda:

this bitch is crazy you can't trust a thing she says!!!! but um seriously he is neurotic and while recounting his childhood everything is wack and doesn't make sense and ummm. Idk the man lies he withholds information (such as names of main characters he deems unworthy or important details) he makes he presents his fantasies like actual canon events (how marvin eats his breakfast, rape of ms goldberg) he tries to convince himself and therefore us that he's straight ummm he's just a little freak and an attention whore and a liar and a fugly slut and i love him. Heart

[verysium]

need more of your sae for scientific reasons. very important

here you go lovely:

sae has zero taste in fashion unfortunately. if it covers his body and does not get in the way of football, then it works for him. that's also the reason why he accepts christmas sweaters with the most atrocious color combinations. he genuinely doesn't know that they're ugly (and also doesn't want to upset his mother and elderly aunties.) still has a pair of bright turquoise swim trunks from when he was a preteen with "i ♡ seagulls" printed all over them. he never threw them out and still wears them on summer trips. did not understand why half the beachgoers were side-eyeing him.

sae cannot comprehend internet slang. if you send him any acronym, he will read it out loud in the literal sense. would flick you on the forehead if you said he was becoming too millennial. he was born in the 2000s but cannot relate to anyone in the same generation.

sae would adopt a cat, but it would be a reverse adoption. the cat would choose him and not the other way around. he would not bother with it other than the required feeding and grooming. tried to play with it once, but it hissed and scratched at him. both of them just exist simultaneously in the same residence. sometimes the kitty jumps on his bed at midnight in order to cuddle. he would also name it something like "neko" or "el gato" or literally "the cat" because he is so unoriginal.

sae gives himself the whole patrick bateman monologue every morning when he does his skincare routine. he peels his face mask off in slow motion too. when you pointed out the similarities, he got mildly upset because he does not like being compared to anyone.

sae secretly hates the fact that rin is taller than him. he thinks about it a lot when he sees the family photos. sometimes wishes he grew just a little more during puberty. that way he would be taller than 180 cm.

sae cannot sing for the life of him. but if you are sick or having nightmares, he will hum you the lullaby his mother used to sing for him. gets shy when you compliment his voice, but his emotions do not manifest physically on his facial features. sometimes when he thinks you're finally asleep in his lap, he will brush your hair back and kiss your forehead.

sae sometimes feels a stirring in his chest whenever he spots a child in the park or an old couple on the benches near the boardwalk. he left for spain at a young age, so he inevitably gets the feeling that his childhood was stolen from him. if he ever matured to the point where he could see beyond his own ambitions, he would want to start a family.

sae loves it when he comes home from practice and sees you dancing around in the kitchen. he will watch silently as you prance around with a spatula and belt out the lyrics. sometimes he just wants to capture the moment and tuck it into his breast pocket and treasure it forever.

sae feels touched when you actually listen to what he says. because he is a man of few words, he usually has to be the one who listens, digests information, and offers sound advice. however, if you grant him the time of day to hear him out or gift him something that he once mentioned off-hand, he will feel strange tingles of the emotion he tries so desperately to deny.

sae is a skeptic. no scam, ploy, or false pretense will ever make it past him. he despises people-pleasers and does not understand why he has to conform to other people's standards. will not trust news outlets unless he personally was there as an eyewitness account or there is sufficient research backing up the claims.

sae is rather extreme when it comes to getting hurt. it is all or nothing with him. if he feels like you somehow penetrated through his walls and hurt him even in the slightest way, he will make the situation worse by hurting you back tenfold. usually he tries to justify pushing you away, and that just ends up driving him even further from you. tbh he really needs to work on his communication skills. rather than shutting down after an issue arises, he has to learn to put his own opinions aside and hear out the other party.

sae gets bored easily, but he is hesitant to try out new things in fear of not being immediately good at them. as the eldest child of his family and a hailed prodigy in his nation, there is the expectation that he must naturally excel at everything to set a good example. football is where he first found his talent and where he feels the most comfortable even if it isn't as inspiring and exciting as it once was. unfortunately, it leads to the onset of burnt-out-gifted-kid syndrome. that's also why he is seeking out a strong striker who can meet his demands and generate the impossible plays he is looking for. essentially sae needs someone to rekindle his original love for the sport.

sae gets defensive when he lets other people down, except this isn't immediately apparent. usually you would have to read between the lines with him. he bases his self-worth off both his own ambitions and the people close to him. if he disappoints someone important to him, he will be stuck in this sinkhole of internal turmoil. that's also why he lashes out at rin when rin reminds him of their shared dream he gave up on. he doesn't like his mistakes being pointed out, much less when his stoic image crumbles. he might also push you away and try to convince himself that you aren't worth that much to him in order to lessen his guilt.

sae needs someone highly intuitive and patient in his life. you need to be able to understand his emotions intrinsically because even he cannot grasp his own feelings. you also need to teach him how to connect himself with the outside world. because sae has primarily fended for himself ever since he was born, you have to convince him that it is okay to rely on others. his mentality is that if he reaches the top, no one will be able to touch him, much less hurt him. however, he sometimes fails to see how that simultaneously isolates himself from others.

sae is relatively straightforward when it comes to getting what he wants. if he somehow miraculously realizes and comes to terms with the fact that he loves you, he will confess it directly to your face. "date me or don't." it's not even a question. it's a factual statement.

sae is not as emotionally mature as the rest of the fandom makes him out to be. just because he does not show emotions in a traditional sense doesn't mean he necessarily has better control or understanding over them. for example, he gets jealous but would not know that the emotion he is feeling is actually called jealousy. rather than tease him about it, i think he would sincerely appreciate if you reassured him both verbally and physically through your actions. he is a man who relies on substance, so you need to prove that you'll be the one who stays with him through thick and thin.

sae oscillates between caring too little about others and caring too much. on one hand, he is more than willing to drop someone or something if his end goal has already been met. the ends always justify the means in his mind. however, he also feels doubt and uncertainty at times. like rin said, he hates losing. he objects to the blue lock program at first largely because he doesn't like the idea of a newcomer. he's already written off japan as a substandard country for football, so the idea of it being changed essentially challenges him directly. but again, this is a delicate line of balance. he is alright when it comes to being challenged mentally in football and seeking out a creative out-of-box solution. for instance, he is more than willing to accept rin's progress, shidou's unpredictability, and isagi's breakthrough talent. however, he is not okay with having his preconceptions destroyed as evidenced by his disillusionment in spain.

sae and ego would actually get along pretty well because they both have this one-track mind when it comes to football. players are reduced to numbers and metrics, and everything is evaluated as an advantage or disadvantage. ego is also ruthless when it comes to the elimination of the weak, and sae wouldn't disagree with that.

sae sometimes wakes up on the weekends and sees you in his bed, the sunlight raining down on your face. it is in this sort of domesticity that he wonders what life would be like if he wasn't a football prodigy. he craves normality not in the sense that he wants to be like everyone else but rather the idea that he needs to feel some sort of attachment or sense of belonging between you two. he could care less about the rest of the world but so long as you accept him, he would feel validated.

sae gives you free reign over his heart when he finally gives out and you're still there to pick him up. in his mind, he is worth nothing if he fails. if you're still there to reassure him and put him back together, he will first look at you like you're stupid for even wanting to stay with him. but once he realizes you stay only because you love him, you have his unconditional commitment. he would put a ring on your finger right then and there.

lmao that was long but that concludes my psychoanalysis on sae. hope that cures your insatiable need.

[natsmagi]

some more natsume gender posting but i do admittedly get very annoyed when i see people claim natsume hates things related to femininity because thats just. Blatantly not true. i did make a post a little while back talking about natsumes gender generally (might be a lil dated by now but eh), but there are some additional points id like to make

first thing being natsume very much enjoys more feminine things!! particularly things related to baking/gardening because thats what he would do with his mom when he was little!!!! (plus his newly added skill being cooking!)

with this and his undying love for his mom in mind, does it not make sense for natsume to hold feminine activities fondly? not only is he quite good at it, but it reminds him of his childhood spent with his mom!! he looks up to her alot!! and hes also thankful for the childhood he had because it makes him feel more unique. literally how does any of this read as a hatred towards femininity or his upbringing??? his mom is literally his number 1 inspiration and shes the reason he had this upbringing to begin with. Frankly the assumption that he hates feminine things just flat out does not make sense

and he doesnt even necessarily mind things like "-chan" either. though this one depends entirely on the person. for example kanata is allowed to call natsume nacchan but if tsumugi calls him natsume-chan blood will be spilt. to re-emphasize the point made in my previous post; natsumes biggest concern is being viewed as weak. he hates being infantilized more than anything. when tsumugi calls natsume "natsume-chan" thats not tsumugi feminizing natsume, thats tsumugi reminiscing on the child natsume he used to know. when tsumugi calls natsume "natsume-chan" it feels like hes not being taken seriously, that hes still viewed as a child, that he hasnt matured (which is also why he doesnt like being called "cute" bc. yknow. kids r cute). and this is a REALLY big insecurity of his. he hates being viewed as naive. In the same vein though, natsume is insecure about not being manly enough too (such as him viewing his inability to swim as "not manly"). Which is also a really interesting point of discussion when it comes to natsumes character! but its important to note that his insecurity in his masculinity does NOT translate to a hatred of femininity. natsumes relationship with gender is an incredibly nuanced one and its so frustrating when people dont even bother trying to read into it and just completely generalize his character

with that said natsume DOES have some internalized misogyny though. But this ones kinda hard to navigate as. well. Almost the entire cast has had some to a certain extent at some point. esp in the early stories. which could all just be bad writing. But it adds to the complexities of femininity and womanhood, how the two are often associated despite being distinct from one another. and with this distinction between the two it adds ANOTHER interesting layer to natsume and his own relationship with gender, because we know he didnt mind being raised as a girl (its just incredibly fucking embarrassing that people know about it), yet his views on gender seem kind of........ Conservative. with him assuming anzu is bad at games bc shes a girl, claiming arashis lying to kids by calling herself a princess, worried that people will view him as less of a man for being unable to swim, etc etc. Like you truly cannot just read ONE story and think you now have a full grasp on natsume and his relationship with his gender. i cannot stress enough how complex it is. but this complexity is exactly what makes it resonate. if you're insecure, it makes sense for you to develop a toxic habit of punching down in order to get higher, esp since we know natsume doesnt handle his emotions super well

this section will be very speculatory and is just my own personal analyzis, so dont take it as gospel. But from my understanding it seems like natsume does genuinely enjoy more feminine things, but hes caught up in gender expectations (potentially due to him knowing both what its like to be a girl and a guy?) that this can cause him to say admittedly quite bigoted things due to his insecurities. natsume is a character that wants to be perceived a certain way; he wants to be cool, mysterious, alluring, but as we should all know by now This is a front he puts on. he very often puts on fronts and lies about his true nature and intentions. which all reads like a fear of authenticity. i dont think natsume genuinely holds those beliefs previously listed, he is just afraid of being vulnerable and, once again, having weak points exposed. he was told to be a girl when he was little and now hes basically told to be a guy without having the Common Guy Upbringing, which can easily turn into developing beliefs of toxic masculinity if you're the type who "plays the part" rather than being your authentic self. hes being told what a man is by the world around him so he tried to shape himself into it to play the part. He can be very blunt and cruel in his words to others, but i personally just see it as a projection from his end. its an attempt at making himself seem better and manlier than he actually is by using his words where hes lacking in action. You can pull off alot of mind games with a simple sentence alone. words can paint a deceiving picture if used correctly, and natsume is a fortune teller; if anyone knows how to say the right thing to get a certain impression from someone its him

i do also think its important to note that as time goes on natsume is starting to express himself genuinely more. Just like the rest of the enstars cast; his story is one of growth and bettering yourself as a person. coming to terms with who you are and learning to let others in

either way. im not one to gatekeep but i need ppl who dont read switch stories to stop speaking so definitively on natsumes relationship with his gender or im gonna start throwing rocks at people

TLDR this shit is NUANCED and to say its 100% this or 100% that does it a disservice to me

[eroguron0nsense]

Doflamingo, Love, and Arrested Development

This is mostly just me paraphrasing other Doffy metas and comments I've made but I kinda feel like the real tragedy behind Doflamingo's warped psychology kind of gets missed by people who focus more on his trauma in and of itself and get lost in discourses about having sympathy for characters despite their complete lack of morality and disregard for everyone (perfectly possible), or whether Doflamingo has any redeeming characteristics or genuine concern for anyone or anything outside of himself (he doesn't).

Doffy's story is fundamentally a tragedy, but not because of his childhood traumas or how drastic and painful they are; plenty of One Piece characters experience severe abuses or incomprehensible loss, but they're ultimately stories of how to find hope in the face of the incomprehensibly traumatic, or the salvation/redemptive power of love. Even characters who don't necessarily see their goals fulfilled (see Fisher Tiger, Pedro, Ashura Doji, EGGHEAD SPOILERS etc) aren't fundamentally tragic ones in the way that, say, Ace is, in that they die having fulfilled their goals to the best of their ability and knowing that people will carry on where they left off, even if they don't get to see the liberation they hoped for. Rosinante's story isn't a tragedy because he dies satisfied that he's given hope to someone he loves deeply (and to some extent tried to make amends for some of the guilt he clearly feels for participating in an institution that ruined that child's life).

Doffy, on the other hand, is a never-ending downward spiral from day 1. He was indoctrinated by evil people from birth and never has it addressed (his parents, for all their talk about living more simply than the Celestial Dragons, NEVER actually say "slavery is bad" to Doffy when he asks them why they don't own people any more and I have my own theory on why), who then suffers unbelievable trauma and has his sense of loss–both of his "birthright" and his innocence/ childhood–weaponized for evil. And he spends the rest of his life in this semi-permanent state of arrested development and violent entitlement. He can't have the station and privilege of the Celestial Dragons to... own slaves and live in luxury, so he builds a kingdom where HE reigns supreme and everyone who crosses him is killed or enslaved as a toy. His mother dies and he kills his father, so he assembles a cult-like "family" to try and compensate for the one he's lost/destroyed, but he doesn't and likely doesn't know how to love them in any meaningful way beyond being possessive of them and seeing them as extensions of himself (e.g. he's willing to kill anyone who makes fun of Pica because no one's allowed to antagonize his "family", but he also orders Monet to do a suicide bombing in Punk Hazard, and he's willing to sacrifice one of them for the eternal life surgery, etc). I think that might be why, even though he should know Corazon has every reason to hate and fear him, he's still so eager to take his brother in when they reunite as adults–he shouldn't trust him, and he eventually comes to suspect him of treason, but he's desperate to have a family and Corazon is emblematic of something he wants but can never have because he's a cruel stunted person who knows nothing but entitlement and violence and cannot process the idea that anything has value or merits selflessness and sacrifice.

Everything Doflamingo does is defined by trying to replace or compensate for the family and privilege he was "supposed" to have, but he doesn't love anyone or even understand how real love works because he's been taught to have no regard for human life and all he knows is that love = absolute servitude, that his interests are ultimately more important than the wellbeing of his "family" members, and that betrayal means death. And far be it from me to sympathize with a fallen aristocrat's deranged revenge power fantasies, but it does demonstrate how oppressive institutions inevitably deprive their own beneficiaries of some of their humanity, and consequently fuck them for life. Doffy craves genuine affection and has had his capacity for it permanently stunted by his former class station and indoctrination.

This craving for love combined with an inability to actually feel it in any meaningful way factors into why he's so obsessed with Law, who he kept hardcore projecting onto in the flashbacks and who he expected to turn out just like him. His brother chose Law over Doflamingo and even his undercover mission out of love, and for all his traumas and hangups, Law can find his own crew and friends who he cares about, and he's able to live on and find meaning even after losing EVERYTHING because Corazon genuinely loved him enough to die protecting him. Doffy, on the other hand, is doomed to a loveless, misanthropic, cruel existence where he tortures countless people to compensate, but he can't replace what he's lost and he'll never find it. It's not what Corazon would have wanted, but Law fighting for and honouring Corazon's memory in everything he does enrages Doffy, who will never be able to understand why they cared for each other so deeply, and why both of them are integral to his downfall.

[inquebrar]

thinking about how shocking q!Cellbit teaching Pepito how to kill someone was. thinking about how i was so surprised that q!Cellbit wasn't trying to prevent Pepito to follow the same path he did as a kid. i thought he would try his best to keep Pepito away from the horrors. but then i realized, that's impossible.

we are talking about kids who are used from the beginning as a tool to manipulate the people, kids whose existence is already a frightening thing. for a second i forgot that we see the eggs fighting for their lifes and their siblings lifes, used by the federation, killed for not being good enough. they are just kids, learning how to kill and seeing the death and pain of those they call family. so after i realized that that's their reality, that's how things work on that island, q!Cellbit's advice for Pepito made so much sense to me.

q!Cellbit doesn't remember his childhood but he remembers the brutal things he had to do in order to survive, he was just a kid, alone and scared, having no one to call family, no one to tell him that he's not the monster he think he is. but now after becoming an adult, he sees Pepito and it's kind of a reflection of who he is, of who he was as a child. so he can be the person he needed when he was younger, someone to teach him how to live not only survive. he sees in Pepito a child who carries the sparkle of pure innocence and the magic of childhood, a child full of love within himself, a child who cannot sleep because he is haunted by things they had no fault, the trauma of killing someone to save someone else who was important to them, a nightmare, the fear of being a bad Pepito because of it. so he reassures Pepito that no one there is 100% good, if Pepito gets called a "murderer" that's not a bad thing if he did it in order to protect himself or protect his family. q!Cellbit shows Pepito vulnerability and allows the kid to feel safe around him, not because he never did "bad things" but because now Pepito knows that they share the same pain. the difference is that q!Cellbit is there to help Pepito, he's there if Pepito needs someone to talk to, someone to tell his nightmares and fears, to ease the weight of the worries and traumas. if Pepito is afraid of heights, he gives his glider, not so that Pepito will never be afraid again, but so that Pepito knows how to land in peace.

q!Cellbit is there so that Pepito can have a childhood and at the same time know that the world they live in, is cruel. if q!Cellbit couldn't just be a kid without carrying the burden of being a monster, he's there to listen to Pepito, to give hugs and comfort. he'll make sure to remember Pepito that... Pepito is not a monster.

[nostalgiclittlespace]

Gender Binary and Age Regression

TW: Discussions of gender rules, mentions of k!nk

Being non-cis, genderqueer, nonconforming, or similar is an interesting experience in the Age Regression community.  I think that regression is very much accessible, and this is an overwhelmingly accepting community, but I don’t see the experiences being talked about much.  But why is that?  Especially considering the large demographic of regressors that aren’t cis?

So as I always do on this blog, I’ll talk about it myself!

Granted, I can only speak for my personal experience, observations, and analysis.  People experience both gender and age regression in very personal ways, so I don’t mean to erase or disregard anyone’s experiences that are different from what’s discussed. As such, I’d love to hear other people’s thoughts on this subject.

Firstly, something I notice about the community, namely through aesthetic posts and blog presentations, is that it can be very binary at times.  This makes sense if you think about it. As children, most of us were raised with strict gender rules and expectations that we conformed to.  Girls were expected to play house, with dolls, or other nurturing activities.  Meanwhile, boys were expected to be messy and wild; toys like trucks and action figures encouraged more active play.  When we regress, it’s natural that these social expectations and rules come back. 

Additionally, a lot of children’s items are categorized into these binary standards.  As such, in the regression community we tend to see things that are femme or masc leaning.  Eg.  Almost all ‘girl’ toys are pink or purple. ‘Boy’ toys are blue or green.  Dolls and princesses are only ever marketed towards girls.  Cars and superheroes are only marketed to boys.  Walking into a toy store, you can clearly see that certain isles are meant to appeal to the gender binary.

Furthermore, I think that for a lot of people, having a binary regression is important.  For example, I know some trans regressors utilize Little Space so they can have the properly gendered childhood they didn’t originally receive.

Lastly, I wonder if (unfortunately) the k!nk community has something to do with it.  Granted this is all speculation, but DDLG is one of the most popular subsets of ABDL.  As such, a lot of adult sized baby items are geared towards femininity.  This probably doesn’t affect the actual regression community very much, but I think it has indirectly influenced the general population into gearing Little Space towards ‘girls.’  

Even unrelated to those k!nk communities, society is a lot more accepting of fem-presenting being childish than masc-presenting.  Boys are expected to grow up faster and be tougher than girls, at least in my experiences.  I’m gender-fluid, so I’ve seen personally that I’m a lot more self conscious about regressing in public when I’m masc.  It’s just not as accepted.

These reasons combined—original binary expectations we learned in childhood, the market for children’s items, repairing childhood, and outside social influences—make the regression community fairly gendered.  Again, I know this is an overwhelmingly welcoming and supportive community.  I haven’t seen any agere accounts that would discriminate based on gender, and many of us are genderqueer ourselves (me included!)

So is there a way we can make this community more inclusive to genderqueer/nonconforming people?  Yes, for the most part.  I’ve seen plenty of gender neutral regressors, blogs, and boards, which is a step in the right direction.   I think ‘boy-re’ is also gaining popularity for masculine regressors to get the attention they deserve. Of course, we alone cannot influence the entire world to be more accepting of breaking the gender binary.  But we can take steps within our community to ensure that anyone existing outside the gender binary is respected and recognized.

I also want to remind you all that this is not meant to take shots at any binary regressors.  Furthermore, some regressors who may seem binary on first glance can still be genderqueer. For some people, these experiences are very important, and that should be respected.

To all my fellow regressors,no matter how you present on the outside, and no matter your agere aesthetic and binary, you are a valid and loved member of the community.  I wish you nothing but kindness, acceptance, and lots of love!  Happy regressing, everyone!

—Marty 🦖

[sadiegirl2021]

DAY FIVE - POWERS

GWYN'S HERITAGE

“My grandmother was a river-nymph who seduced a High Fae male from the Autumn Court. So I’m a quarter nymph, but it’s enough for this.”

Gwyn gestured to her large eyes—blue so clear it could have been the shallow sea—and her lithe body.

“My bones are slightly more pliant than ordinary High Fae’s, but who cares about that?”

_______

“My mother was unwanted by either of their people. She could not dwell in the rivers of the Spring Court, but was too untamed to endure the confinement of the forest house of Autumn.

So she was given in her childhood to the temple at Sangravah, where she was raised.

We were the result of that sacred union with a male stranger. She never found out who he was, for the magic chose him that night, and no one ever showed up to ask about twin girls.

WHAT WE KNOW

Gwyn is 1/4 Nymph from the Spring Court, 1/4 Autumn Court and 1/2 Mystery. She's got an invoking stone that provides the power of healing and protection. And she glows when she happy.

WHAT COULD HER POWERS INCLUDE?

Fire: SJM made a lot of hints towards Eris being her grandfather (Rabbit Hole Post), and we do know for a fact she has Autumn Court ancestry. Quotes from the books that hint at fire power -

Nesta meeting Gwyn, her power recognising her (unknown) flames: A crackling sort of energy buzzed around her, and Nesta’s power grumbled in answer.

How Feyre described her rising Autumn court flames: My blood heated, and I took a breath to cool it, to cool the magic crackling at the insult.

Eris talking about the Made dagger: Eris sucked in a breath. Feyre said, “You can sense its power.”

“There’s flame in it,” Eris said...

Her nymph heritage: I think she'll have an affinity for water, but no powers (maybe the ability to hold her breath for long periods of time).

Glowing when she sings: One thing to note when she glows is that she's incredibly happy when it happens. Singing brings her true joy, and that's reflected in the positive language Nesta uses to describe Gwyn singing. Her song is like sunshine and a ray of light. This reminded me of what Rhys said to Feyre in ACOMAF.

"Well, at least now I can gloat that I can literally make my mate glow with happiness."

Right now, singing is the one thing that makes Gwyn happy. She goes off on a rant to Nesta about how amazing it is, and you can feel her excitement in the writing. Maybe SJM is only using light as symbolism for Gwyn's joy, or it could be hinting at other powers…maybe she is linked to the Day Court or another solar court.

Her invoking stone:

“It’s an Invoking Stone.” Gwyn unfurled her fingers, revealing the gem within her hand. “Similar to the Siphons of the Illyrians, except that the power of the Mother flows through it. We cannot use it for harm, only healing and protection. It was shielding us.”

We know it works, but will we see Gwyn use it again the way it's intended? Will she wear it on her head again like the other priestesses? I'm going to guess 100% YES! And it will be used to heal/protect someone important in the next book (I'm guessing Azriel or maybe Emerie/Nesta).

The Lightsinger Theory: We just don't know enough about them to put Gwyn in this box. But it can be fun to write about it from a non-evil perspective (because why would SJM take the evil route!?).

If you look up "Lightsinger," there's no fantasy lore about them, so SJM has made them up. If Gwyn is a Lightsinger, then I highly doubt what Cassian said is 100% accurate. Lore can change as stories are passed down. Cassian mostly describes a Kelpie in ACOSF, which means he knows the name Lightsinger, but perhaps not what they actually are or what they do.

"A kelpie is designed to lure and kill, just as a wolf is designed to hunt its prey."

“There are lightsingers: lovely, ethereal beings who will lure you, appearing as friendly faces when you are lost. Only when you’re in their arms will you see their true faces, and they aren’t fair at all. The horror of it is the last thing you see before they drown you in the bog. But they kill for sport, not food.”

My headcanon is that a Lightsinger is linked to the moon or holy light. When researching Lightsingers, the closest thing I found to them were Moonsinger priestesses from Game of Thrones.

If it's moonlight, and Gwyn is in fact a Lightsinger, then that could explain why Azriel's shadows like Gwyn's light but hate sunlight.

To quote the Moonmaiden Shadowheart from BG3: "You can't cast a shadow without some light."

It's hard to guess which way SJM will go for Gwyn's powers, but there's certainly a lot of potential. SJM spent time fleshing out Gwyn in Nesta's book, so we can expect to get answers in the next one. She's certainly been set up to be very powerful!

Original Image - Ozan Çulha on Pexels

@gwynweekofficial

[leogichidaa]

Lovable Except for that Terrible Period: The Upbringing of Remus Lupin

I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about the Pottermore information on Remus, in particular the narrative around Greyback biting him and his childhood before Hogwarts.

I'm going to start with addressing the most absurd thing to me in the whole write up: "[Lyall] had parroted what was the common view of werewolves in his community".

Hmm. Did he though? Because if we look back at what was actually described a few paragraphs up:

It sure seems like Lyall's statements were so extreme and hateful that even his coworkers at the Bigotry Against Magical Creatures Department, whose job it was to round up werewolves and place them on a registry, were shocked and offended enough that they kicked him out of the room. His statements clearly fell pretty far outside the norm.

It's important to note that Lyall's bigotry was extreme even for the society he was in because I think it's critical to Remus' development and all the internalized bigotry and shame that Remus carries with him. Lyall did not, imo, go from declaring that all werewolves were soulless, evil, and deserving of death to being completely accepting of werewolves just because his son was bitten. I imagine that he did his best to be a loving parent to Remus, but that he projected his bigotry onto Remus in subtle, covert ways. This line describing his perspective on Remus really drives that home for me: "his son was what he had always been – loveable and clever – except for that terrible period at the full moon".

His son was his son, except when he was a monster. It's explicitly stated that during transformations, Lyall no longer sees his loveable and clever son, he sees a dangerous beast. And I think that absolutely impacts the way Remus sees himself. Remus has such a potent sense of hatred for that aspect of himself and he does everything he can to repress it, run from it, and make amends for it (except when he's with the marauders, who give him a taste of true unconditional acceptance and allow him to enjoy himself even when he is transformed). He cannot accept and integrate his condition into a whole, stable sense of self and I think that is in no small part because Lyall cannot accept and integrate it either.

(As a brief aside, I also think it's important to highlight the minimization of Lyall's actions in the text because I think the way Remus is positioned in the narrative is very telling. This could really be an entire other post, but I do think the way this Pottermore write up falls all over itself to try to make Lyall's bigotry seem minor and sympathetic is...revealing.)

The write up also states that Lyall lied to Remus for years about why Remus was attacked because he worried Remus would blame him. Reading that was a bit of an "aha!" moment for me. Because isn't this what Remus does in PoA? He withholds critical information about Sirius from Dumbledore because he feels so much internal shame and he worries that Dumbledore will think less of him if he tells the truth. Learned behavior.

Final thought:

"Remus was not allowed to play with other children" has me all the way fucked up. I am sure that such an extreme tactic seemed justified given the potential harm that could occur if Remus' condition was discovered, but it definitely impacted the way Remus functions in relationships, i.e. abysmally. He is paranoid that he will be found out and that this will mean that his friends will hate and abandon him because that's what his parents raised him to fear. A justified fear, perhaps, but a debilitating one all the same.

Also, while it maybe makes sense to keep him isolated from other children when he's five and the risk of him letting it slip is very real because he can't understand the potential consequences, his parents keep him isolated up until he is invited to Hogwarts and if Dumbledore hadn't fought above Hope and Lyall's protests to bring him to Hogwarts they might have kept him isolated...forever? It is not surprising that Remus struggles to form and maintain intimate connections when he was taught that even interacting with others was potentially dangerous.

[paintingchimera]

Do you think Ariane ever wanted her mom? Like because when we’re in pain, or scared or really anything we tend to want our mothers, so it’d be natural for Ariane to want her mother. GOD I IMAGINED IN ARIANES LAST MOMENTS BEFORE THE BIORESONANCE THING SHE WAS CRYING FOR HER MOM

Now that got me thinking, what about the replikas?? Do they long for the neural pattern’s mothers even though they’re not biologically their child?? When they destabilise I mean, like imagine a dying STAR on the battlefield calling out for her neural patterns mom oh my days

You guys cannot convince me ariane did not want her mom, especially with how she was raised I would reckon they had a very close bond. I wish there was more stuff surrounding ariane’s mom and even the itou twins mom like who is she?? Anja Itou or Lilith itou?? I would think Anja, because Lilith never had a male lover (that we know of) but she had Alina. Lilith being a possible older sister to them seems like a much more likely scenario than their mother, and personally on how lilith’s personality is shown (this is with the theory that she’s Elsters neural pattern) she probably would not want kids

And if the case was that Lilith was their mom, realistically then, Elster would’ve most likely atleast had some more instinct to protect isa— meanwhile with a sibling you really don’t have that urge (unless their like a baby) and honestly, I think Lilith and the twins wouldn’t of known each other for that long. Lilith would’ve been just a faded memory from childhood [if I’m correct on the timing of when Lilith might’ve been put into whatever they do to the replika neural pattern and that she is Elsters neural pattern] I mean, the faint possibility of her being the twins mother is that if Alina was their second mother, but that doesn’t make sense: Ariane is often portrayed as a ‘clone’ in a way of Alina, looking almost exact same as her. So why would Alina be their second mom? And it wouldn’t be possible because Alina was in the sierpenski as we know it,

So that would leave Anja to be their mother, Lilith? Maybe a cousin or older sister. Looking at Isa (assuming that Erika looks basically the same) she looks like she would relate to Lilith but not in a mother and daughter way; more like a cousins or sisters way. And What is the deal with Alina?? Is she just meant to be Lilith’s lover, or does Ariane end up being like some reincarnation of her? Or is Alina in retrospect just made to be that person Ariane triggers Elsters neural pattern memories with? But that would make her character practically basic if she only had one purpose. But I can’t figure out what she’s even here for, maybe she doesn’t really have a purpose? Some characters in fiction might not have proper purpose but they’re very important to plot I think,

Oh the ariane having acute radiation syndrome, she would be in SO much worse of state in reality, burns everywhere only getting worse, skin cells dying, even her bone marrow [i forgot if this parts correct shh] possibly started to degrade [I think I’m thinking of chromosomes], her teeth falling out, her organs dying from the inside out, losing absolute control over her own bodily fluids, I understand that it’s probably for creepy affect with her very basic black arms and legs to show nercotic skin but realistically ariane would’ve been dead much sooner when the radiation kicked in, even with the cryo medical pod. We all know of the person who had severe radiation poisoning, he died after a long battle. Considering Ariane would’ve practically be begging Elster— if Elster didn’t die first, because to me atleast, Replikas much more fragile when it comes to things like radiation, excluding MNHR units. They would start to degrade faster than a human would,

Ariane would be in so much pain, her skin wouldn’t even turn black it’d fall off exposing muscle and nerves. And her hair doesnt make sense, when someone has that much radiation and Ariane probably got out through so much more radiation, her hair would’ve fallen OUT, not grown. She would’ve looked like a burned mummy, and most likely. Elster wasn’t Alive to see any of Ariane’s true pain, yet Ariane probably would’ve still chosen the Penrose program. Why? Because hearing how sierpenski is that shit is SCARY. But also, we all know of Ariane’s bullying on rotfront. With how much she was getting bullied [I heard she even got put in hospital temporarily?? Idk if that’s right] she would of course pick that option. It’s like giving someone the option to choose: Go to school for years, Go for a year and get all of your diplomas immediately [of course it’s not a accurate comparison but shut up]

Bullying fucking ruins people, from experience I wanted to leave my entire country because I got bullied so badly. I wanted to leave the planet [as in going to space], when your given a choice between going to a facility or seeing the stars? You’d the stars especially in ariane’s place. The eusan nation is strict, and rotfront was terrible to ariane. Why would she want to put herself through more??

Anyways I’m literally ariane yeong (I bleached my hair to look like her, my roots are over grown tho 🫡) also sorry for so much writing, I have no one to really yap my ideas to 😔🙏

[58sei]

The thoughts ran out of control so here’s more detective yomi

This one will contain a lot and I mean a LOT of rambling, the demons need to be let out…..

Contains some game spoilers for chap 5

I thought ab how yomi would climb the ranks of the WDO a bit more and I decided it was with the help of shinigami hitman. (Will get back to this later)

Some things to get out of the way first:

- Yomi’s past in this au. Yomi has always seen a lot of death happening around him since childhood so that’s why he doesn’t feel anything when it comes to the matter. I’m also thinking yomi’s childhood involved a lot of kill or be killed situations, so he develops that mentality down the line. Wherever he goes, death follows, and because his fate is so intertwined with death, it eventually leads up to him joining the WDO and finding the book of death.

- As for how he gets to the book of death, I’m honestly not sure how he manages to breach security. That or he was used in some sorta side experiment and given the book as one of the procedures by the UG but then he kinda just killed em and ran

- After he obtains the book of death he forms a contract. Shinigami hitman asks to see yomi’s life through to the end in return for his powers (bc why is this bitch always attracting death??). Also I want to just, make some slight altercations to the game lore here. In this universe the book of death can only be opened by those who are close to dying (less than 5 years left to live). People who have spiritual affinity like vivia can only see the death god inside and feel it’s aura, but cannot open the book. There is a chance they can open it, but only if shinigami hitman chooses to let them.

Ok with that out of the way, back to how yomi climbed the ranks with the help of his shinigami (calling him fake zilch for convenience). He uses fake zilch’s powers to solve mysteries (as well as crush those in his way). In a sense, he has already performed multiple detective deeds all in the span of less than a year, but because the culprits keep dying, there is no way to properly evaluate the things he did. But he DID solve the mystery and bc death has always followed him everywhere so people in the WDO’s just like “yeah checks out”. So with a lot and I mean a LOT of skepticism he gets promoted to a master detective and also earns the title of ‘grim reaper’ (this’ll be important later) in the process bc everywhere he goes someone dies.

I should reiterate that Yomi absolutely does not feel guilty when killing in the mystery labyrinth, in fact, he feels great about using it to find the culprits. 2 reasons. First, he believes the blood is on fake zilch’s hands bc yomi didnt actually reap the culprit’s souls himself. This view is heavily challenged in chap 4. Second, to him, he’s enacting justice on the guilty and he’s not in the wrong for doing that. Like the original yomi, he views justice in a very black and white way. Fake zilch has his own opinions on the matter, but he is far more interested to see Yomi’s story to the end to bother doing anything ab his behaviour. He only opens the mystery labyrinth for yomi if the case is very complicated (except master detectives take on a lot of absurd cases, so you know how that goes)

As for how he became number 1, he probably just murdered the former one like how his original killed Amaterasu’s old ceo. Then after murder he just, took no. 1’s position without anyone knowing. Not much thought put into this part yet sorry lol. Also I’d say the UG’s successful homunculus did not use the world’s brightest mind but rather the man most associated with death, bc they didn’t obtain no 1’s DNA, and while Yomi is intelligent he isn’t even a contender for the spot.

Circling back to the grim reaper title, it comes into play on the Amaterasu express. Yomi was not dispatched to kanai ward, the real trainee Yuma was sent, but Yomi drugged him and put him in the disconnected 5th car early on. He then asks fake zilch to take his memories after he locks himself into one of the toilet stalls in car 1. Wakes up later yali yali yada, the “where am I who am I” panic, sees his letter thing “oh I’m yomi hellsmile!!”, “wait how am I already on the express ??”, “ok whatever ig”, goes into car 2 and sees detectives, then intro scene. Except yomi isn’t a doormat (no hate to Yuma I love him actually) and has an attitude lol he probably starts bickering with aphex and both nearly get physical before shinigami (who’s now the hitman, who disguises as a diff MD) and melami restrain both of them 💀

Then everyone introduces themselves and the moment yomi says his name the other MDs are like hold tf up why is the grim reaper on the Amaterasu express with us?? So now the strange circumstance is the fact that yomi appeared instead of the trainee. Still the same “oh someone who shouldn’t be here is here” type mystery but slightly different. Suspicions rise and people are starting to get riled up in the express, but then shinigami eases it up and the MDs all realize that if the amnesiac before them actually is the WDO’s grim reaper then they’re in deep shit. (They are) cue rest of chap 0.

Also, during the entirety of the introduction up to yomi getting drugged and passing out in the bathroom, fake zilch is actually able to show himself. He just… doesn’t to act like they just formed a contract.

Yeah ok that’s ab it

[dk-wren]

Ep. 12 "Daughter Daddies" Rewatch

Wanted to do one more thing for today's one year anniversary, so thought I would share all the notes I took on my rewatch of the finale!

It's not much (and I will be including the thoughts I previously shared on this post), but I do hope you enjoy!

I still can’t get over the fact that Rei and Miri both have their own aprons now too! Though I’ve still yet to fully figure out what Rei’s is. For whatever, reason the white coloring makes me think it’s a polar bear on the front, but I don’t know how much sense that would make otherwise. I feel like if Kazuki bought the aprons, it’s likely a cat on Rei’s apron. (And that’s this episodes random thought or detail I’ve spent too much time thinking about)

Another moment that always manages to melt my heart: Miri struggling to put on her boot because she’s grown that much and the rapid succession of Kazuki asking if she forgot anything, Miri saying no, Kazuki asking about her handkerchief, her immediately saying she forgot, then Rei joining Kazuki and Miri with said handkerchief in hand. They’re a family y’all and they sure do operate like one.

Thinking about it now, I kinda wondered why Miri only made Rei make a pinky promise with him. Rei has grown a lot over the series, but between the two, he is still the more reserved and papa. Perhaps, this is why Miri only makes Rei promise since she knows Kazuki will be at the concert no matter what. Based on the translations I had though, when Miri tells them they better be at her concert, especially since her mama, or Misaki, won’t be, Kazuki responds with “We will” while Rei says “We promise.” With Rei explicitly saying “promise,” maybe that’s what leads Miri to make a pinky promise with him, which so clearly affects him for the remainder of the episode

I know it was only last episode and this one, but I like how Rei and Kazuki’s meeting with Kyutaro is done away from Yadorigi. Yadorigi is Kyutaro’s homebase and I would consider, an integral meeting location for the organization. So, meeting in this neutral, nondescript location seems to convey that Kyutaro is also turning his back on the organization. Which he technically is in a way by helping/aiding Rei and Kazuki

The car conversation! They don’t want Miri’s childhood to be anything like their own experiences and are gonna do everything to keep it that way, to ensure she can keep her innocence for as long as possible from the horrors of the underworld, and be the parents, or the papas, they wish they had growing up

What it’s been, like nine months a year and I still cannot get over Kazuki and Rei’s entrance and fight in Suwa Manor! Like, I wish I had more to say but I’m just yelling, rooting for them and love seeing them both be badasses

I know it's been pointed out, but man, the fact that Rei’s hair comes down during the kitchen fight as he is about to deliver the final blow to Ogino, with a little help from Kazuki, just shows his progression of who Rei really is, not the Murder Machine, or a living weapon, but Rei Suwa, a person and father

Rei isn’t here for any of Shigeki’s shit. He says I’m out and means it.

Another moment where I just scream and cry. Look at how much Rei has grown and opened up, along with learned by spending time away. He’s so deserving of his family and a happy future!!! 

It’s so simple, and yet, and yet! the power that comes with Rei saying goodbye not to his Boss but to his Father, oh my gosh. He is not just walking away from the organization and his position, he is fully walking away from his family cause he’s got a new (and better) one waiting for him, just as he is

Cue Christmas Party and lots of smiley Rei!

Also, kinda joking but kinda serious, you see how Miri immediately lights up when she spots Rei and Kazuki in the audience/entering? That's what happens when parents show up to the events their child considers important. It's so simple, but honestly, just showing up can mean the world.

I know it’s controversial, but gahhh I really love the epilogue!

Such a small detail, but gotta love how Miri has kept that green teddy bear with her as she’s grown up

Perhaps this is just my imagination, but does teenage Miri’s voice sound different here than the one in Kazuki’s imagination. If so, that’s awesome because Kazuki wouldn’t know how exactly Miri would sound that many years later, and how Miri turned out nothing like Kazuki had feared

I probably should address the elephant in the room when it comes to the sub translating Miri’s line to refer to Kazuki going out with another woman, but what caught my attention during my first watch was Rei’s questioning of Kazuki saying “honest work.” Like, what does that mean? Did they keep working a little bit on the side for Kyutaro to make a little extra cash? Or was Rei questioning Kazuki’s use of “I” instead of “we” since Rei co-runs the diner?

These photos! I love it all! I hope Kazuki, Rei, and Miri are all able to continue living peacefully and with each other for a long time!