#but when I am too excited I am prone to make many MANY stupid mistakes

[theeyeofeverything]

"Out of Spite" The Nine Sols AU TEDtalk time. The Path of Trials, part 1

What I didin't talk about in this is the redemption arc. All of saved Sols need to let go of the things that chain them. Their biggest fear and flaw. Their sin.

They need to start changing.

Lets say they need to go throgh trial. So, what trial it would be for them?

1. Goumang - "Trial of Control"

I think we all came to consensuss in fandom that Goumang have some control issue. As someone who have similar control tendencies I might guess that it came from her turbulent childhood. She so obsessed with control because she can't afford mistakes. Why she can't afford mistakes? Mistakes lead to bleak future. And future is a chaos. Always a chaos. Life is a big game of dice, but as many people who lived in conditions they cannot change she started to try and control everything she does. Beliving this is the way to secure her future survival.

Unfortunately, even when kids like this starting to live normal live, when the chaos in their life becomes more tame, they are unable to let control loose. Being talanted agronomist led Goumang to Tiandao Council. To securing her future. Future of her people.

I belive her control issue manifest in her not just keeping things in check and near her, but, ironicly in equality. You get what you give. Stable equality in relationships and live lead to sense of security.

She needs to let go the control in her live. She need to accept that reality as it is - solarians can't be saved. Her boys...can not be save. This island of stability is ended long time ago and can't be brought back.

Goumang need to understand that even when this period ends that is NOT meaning the next will be worse. Yes, it is unpredictable as most of the life. Isn't it why life is so beautiful, tho?

Vital interaction with Yi: When she first was brought to pavilion she is scared. Why he's changed his mind? Will Yi torture her further? Use her as somewhat of a lab mouse to experement on? She's shaking everytime Yi storm out angry of the Abacus room, where Jiequan held. Everytime she sees him she's afraid he will change his mind again. So, she starts to "become useful" offering help to Yi. Tho throughout the story she is very resnetful towards Yi and they more bickering then talking. Still, they care for each other in their own way. The important breakpoint for them comes near the end of the game. Oooh, it's a big argument about tianhuo and cure for it.

Yi tells her the truth: There is no cure. Eigong is the one who developed tianhuo virus. Goumang is...upset, to say the least. She starts to question her view on time spent in tiandao council. What she once considered the time of peace and stability in her life turned out to be the nightmare. Only this time it seems there is no way to make things work. There is nothing left to secure. They all are doing to die, sooner or later.

Vital interaction with ShuanShuan: After Kuafu he is the second person she starts to open up to. At first she sees in him her boys. ShuanShuan is deligent and hard-working kid, trying his best. Yet, he's... not that caring about result. Unlike Goumang, he just tries again and again until things work right. Kid don't care about mistakes he's just...having fun. Living in the momentum and not caring about what's next. ShuanShuan just enjoying every time he sees Yi and Goumang. He help Goumang understand that she could try to ease her hold on what she doing, because there is no danger for her in pavilion. And she can be loved despite of her "being useful" to someone.

She would help boy to learn agroculture! Through her time with ShuanShuan she learn again to have fun. This leads to her modifying and developing her own talisman technic. Healing talisman!

2. Nuwa - "Trial of Independence"

Nuwa always was the second. For many she seemed like a little brat with too much of free time. In fact, I think she didn't even had a chance to participate in clan's affairs. Fuxi was always ment to be a leader, but, it kinda looked like he doesn't want to. So Nuwa decided to pursue acting career. Her and Fuxi were always toghether. I think Fuxi was the fist who make her intrested in theahter in a first place. I think with Fuxi Nuwa felt...saved and loved. She felt needed.

And when Fuxi fell ill well... it likes her world is crumbled. Now she has to rule the clan. She didn't want this responsibility, she just wanted things to go back how they used to be. No tianhuo. No Ethernal Cauldron. Just them, toghether, putting another play. Living their best life.

And while Fuxi is ill he still was there. Even when he can't talk anymore Nuwa thought she understood him better than anyone.

Now Fuxi is gone. Forever. Nuwa is alone in this big and scary world, full of mutants and death.

And she needs to learn to care for herself and become a proper adult. She need to decides what she actually want to do with her live. Build connections. Take responsibility for herself and her actions.

Because, she need to accept the harsh reality of Fuxi being dead long time ago, even before their fight with Yi started.

Vital interaction with Yi: At first Nuwa would try to cling to anybody for protection and affection. Try to mimic them. To Yi, To Kuafu, To Goumang and even to Jiequan. She would defenetly try to shake her responsibility of when she is comfortable enough in pavilion. Blaming everyone and especially Yi for taking away her brother. She can't party anymore so she starts drinking. with Yi.

One faithful night she and Yi drinking. They start talking about siblings and what it is like to have one. Laughing and remembering past. Then, Yi stops and says, that he misses Heng. And, actually, this is why he saved Nuwa. Because this is what any older brother want - for his little sister to be save. And to grow up, become a better person than him. I think Yi would say some shit like "Me and Fuxi are not the best example of a person" and RUIN THE MOMENT COMPLITLY. What he was trying to say that Nuwa has a potential to become a better person.

Vital interaction with ShuanShuan: I think, since the dialogue with Yi, Nuwa and ShuanShuan have a little rivalry because no matter of Yis words she kinda grew attached to the guy. It's UNTIL the day she hears ShuanShuan playing flute. This is the moment because NOW Nuwa will infodump to him about art and they will even play toghether sometimes!!! Nuwa is a kind of a kid herself, so ShuanShuan is happy there is a someone he can play with and who IS enjoying and encouraging him to further persuit art! Nuwa will become his older sister and THAT is a point where she starts to actually care for someone, like she cared for Fuxi. I think, one day she understands that if she is actually capable of caring for others, thus she is capable to care for herself. And first step she needs to do is accept responsibility for her own life and decisions. It's up to Nuwa - to be an actress or to be the leader of the Feng clan.

Eventually Nuwa will modify her flute to some kind of weapon. Manipulating and controling her enemies, making them dance to the melody of her flute. Kuafu helped with modifications ofc (and only after she said she would not point out his weight anymore)

Nuwa is also..not much of a helper to Yi. She often just brings decorations to the pavilion or helps to preoccupy ShuanShuan when the gang discussing plans. Tho, when time passes I think she's too start to participate in strategic meetings.

Still Nuwa is not a fighter. Like ShuanShuan she just needs a mean to defened herself when the time comes.

Well, thats all for today. Boys are next! Did not expect to write such a long post, but I hope fellow Nuwa and Goumag enjoyers eat well today

[husbandograveyard]

Congrats to the 300 Followers. Cam I ask for number 9 with Sakazuki (or Kuzan if you prefer him)?

Hey love! I am INSANELY nervous to post this because dang, I just hope it is a bit like you had pictured in your mind. I chose to go with Sakazuki for the very reason that he’s the one you initially asked for and like I have stated before, I will not back down from a challenge! That’s not saying I don’t want to write for Kuzan, actually want to write something for him too sometime… all in due time. For now, I hope you like your cliché with Sakazuki!

An Awkward Start - Sakazuki x Reader 

Cliché with Bae event: Prompt #9:  There’s only one bed and we sleep as far away as possible from each other but wake up cuddling Character: Sakazuki - Word count:  2.1k (added a cut cause it was getting just too long) 

This was insane. Inappropriate. Straight up ridiculous. You had to take a few deep breaths before you looked over at the clerk and asked her to repeat what she had just said. 

“I’m sorry, but there was only one room booked” 

One thing was sure: you were going to murder someone back at headquarters. How was it even possible for such a stupid mistake to be made on such an unusual mission. 

“Okay, can we still add on an extra room?” “No I am sorry, we’re fully booked.” “No other inns on the island probably?” The clerk shook her head, obviously feeling very bad for something that wasn’t even her mistake. You pinched the bridge of your nose as you thought over the whole situation. 

Ever since his promotion to fleet admiral, and actually already from the promotion to admiral, it was extremely rare for Sakazuki to leave headquarters. He preferred to hold meetings in his office, he preferred having information being brought in. He liked order, overview and control. Which is something you hand over when you enter unfamiliar environments.  

But every now and then, there’s a mission where the information was just so important he trusted only himself to go get it or do the talking, or some other reason where the fleet admiral was absolutely needed in order to get everything done. 

Today had been one of those missions. It had only been him and you, his assistant, on a tiny island you had never even heard of before. It was all very top-secret, with one special crew dropping you off at the location and another coming for pickup tomorrow. Even you did not know entirely what it was about, you were mostly there to arrange the smaller details such as side paperwork, and accommodations, such as the lodging. Which is where it went wrong, and which was the reason you were now starting to feel a pit form in your stomach in pure panic. What the hell were you going to tell your boss? 

You thanked the clerk for her help, and took the key from her hands, walking back to the table where Sakazuki was sitting. You gently placed the key in front of him. “The key to your room sir.” He looked up from the food he had ordered for the both of you, and you could nearly feel yourself breaking out in cold sweat. “Why did that take so long?” You had hoped he didn’t ask for anything and you could maybe find some rest on the couch in the general area of the inn, but alas, he asked the question and you didn’t want to be lying to your superior. You calmly explained the mistake of only one room being booked, profusely apologizing, and immediately adding that you’d make the couch your bed for the night. He was silent for a bit. “Nonsense. Besides, most of those rooms have multiple beds in them, that’s probably why they only booked you one room when you clearly mentioned two people.” 

You felt kind of stupid. Of course, he was right, that made a whole lot of sense. The panic of your mistake had made it impossible to think straight, but now that he stated it like that, your nerves were calmed immediately. 

“Sit down. Eat. And don’t worry so much. The mission was successful, we’ll be back at headquarters tomorrow and you completed a job well done.” 

You sat down, mumbling a ‘thank you sir’, grabbed your plate and focussed on the food. It was rare to hear praise from Sakazuki, mostly because he was of the firm belief people don’t need to be praised for simply doing their job. You still worked hard every single day to impress your superior, for more reasons than just wanting to satisfy your boss. But those reasons were wildly inappropriate to even admit, so you simply didn’t speak about it and tried not to even think about it. 

It got worse on missions such as this one, where it was just the two of you for longer periods of time. You had to admit that the one-room debacle, something that sounded like it came straight out of a terrible romance book, had made your heart jump at the mere thought of the possibility of sharing a bed with him. Even if nothing happened. At night you were at your most vulnerable and sharing a bed, even if just for sleep, is an ultimate sign of trust. But again, you were way too terrified to think your fantasies true and panic had quickly taken over. You were pretty sure you were actually blushing a little now too, so focused of the food as you dined in silence.

After dinner, the both of you made your way to room 23, the number neatly engraved in the key you had handed over earlier. Sakazuki opened up the door and stood still in the door frame for a bit. His broad posture made it as good as impossible for you to make out the inside of the room, and you weren’t planning on stepping closer to find out earlier. So you waited until he eventually entered, stepping aside to allow you entrance. You immediately noticed the reason why he had stood still for a bit. 

One bed. A big, king-sized, perfectly neatly made-up bed. But just one. You couldn’t help but stare at it as the mix of panic and inappropriate excitement washed over you again. It was dead silent for a second, before you closed the door behind you. Whatever the plan was going to be, it didn’t need to be discussed with an open door so anyone else staying at the inn could listen in on it. 

You took in the rest of the room: two nightstands, a lamp on each, some small cabinets and a mirror. A door, presumably leading to the bathroom portion of the room and a nice big window, probably letting in plenty of light throughout the day, but now only displaying a clear sky with some moonlight to add to the strangely awkward atmosphere in the room. It was clean and simple, and the bed took up most of the place. 

The silence was only broken by the sound of a match being lit, Sakazuki lighting a cigar, as he also seemed to think over the predicament you were now in. 

“It’s big enough” “I’m sorry sir?” “The bed. It’s big enough. You’re not that big, we should probably be able to each take a side without bothering each other.” 

You felt your cheeks heat up, and blinked a couple of times. You were not even sure you heard that right, you almost couldn’t bear to look up and ask for confirmation. Surely he couldn’t be serious? “That is, only if you are okay with it?” there was almost an uncharacteristic softness in his tone and you were pretty sure you could melt right then and there. You stuttered as you replied. “No.. I.. I mean, yes, sure, sir… I could also, you know, couch in the lobby, but if you… I mean…”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Sleeping on a couch will ruin your back. Go change, then I can finish my smoke.” You nodded, too confused to even say anything and disappeared into the bathroom. 

You splashed cold water in your face multiple times to ensure you were actually awake and this wasn’t the strangest, most real-feeling daydream you’d ever had. You actually spent so much time looking in the mirror in disbelief that you had to scramble changing into your marine-issued pajamas, not wanting to make Sakazuki wait too long for his turn, even though he’d probably not even be bothered this much. 

The hour following you stepping out of that bathroom was probably the most awkward you had ever felt in your lifetime. Even though this whole situation ticked so many of the ultimate fantasy checkboxes, the more realistically thinking side of you was constantly reminding you of how weird this whole situation was, and you were relieved there was not too much awkward conversation nor other events before you finally slipped under the covers. Sakazuki seemed surprisingly unbothered by the events, and you inwardly cursed yourself. There were so many situations that were way worse than this, it was kind of pathetic to be panicking over this. You just hoped he didn’t notice too much, the last thing you wanted was to give him a bad impression of you. 

You lay down on your side, shuffling as close to the edge of the bed as possible without falling off, before turning off the lamp that was on the nightstand on your side. “Goodnight Sir” “Goodnight y/n” And with the click of the switch of the other lamp, the room was dark and quiet, and you had no idea when your nerves would let you sleep. 

----

Apparently, tiredness from the mission and your emotional yoyoing had taken its toll on your physical state, because you didn’t lie awake for much longer. Soon, dreams took over, and you were not surprised that the subject of your dreams was the very person you were now sharing a bed with. 

But it was now nearing morning, and you felt yourself wake up with some reluctance, wanting to hold onto your dream just a little longer. It was that strange moment right before you actually wake up, where dream and reality intertwine and you were pretty sure your brain was tricking your senses, the comforting smell, warmth, and closeness actually becoming real for a moment. 

But then it didn’t go away, as it normally would. This all happened in a matter of seconds before realization struck you and you opened your eyes wide in shock. There was the pleasant pressure of an arm wrapped around your waist and your entire body was pressed against his. You knew you were prone to moving in your sleep, but never knew it was this bad. Panic washed over you again as you went over the possible plans of action in your head. 

Sakazuki himself seemed to be fast asleep still, blissfully unaware of the situation you were in. You decided to try and slip away without waking him up and in the event of him waking up, you’d lie and say you had had a nightmare and accidentally kicked him or something like that. It could get you into trouble, but you doubted the trouble would be worse than those you were in if you just waited for him to wake up like this. 

You managed to succeed, tiptoed off to the bathroom to already get changed back into your uniform, and to calm down again, practicing a straightened out face in the mirror. When you stepped out of the bathroom, you gasped audibly, Sakazuki sat at the edge of the bed, fully dressed and ready to go. Just how long did you take to change clothes? Were you that much out of it? 

“Rather rude of you to just leave without so much as a ‘good morning, sir’”. 

You looked at him wide-eyed and confused, the slight amusement in his tone was barely audible, but you were sure it was there. 

“I’m sorry, Sir?” You had to stop yourself from groaning at yourself, why did your vocabulary seem reduced to just those three words whenever he caught you of guard? “You talk in your sleep. A lot.” You could only blink in response. “And you move quite a lot, but I figured you noticed that too when you woke up a little earlier.”

Your brain felt like it short circuited, and you had no words formed by the time he stood up and grabbed his bag, ready to leave in a bit, you still had to be on time for the pickup ship. 

“Of course”, he spoke up again when it was clear that you were still too speechless to contribute, “we’d have to find some way for neither of us to get into any serious trouble”. He opened the door for you, gesturing for you to take your bag as well. “I expect you in my office tomorrow morning after you’ve unpacked and settled back in at headquarters. I’m sure we’ll find a solution for our little predicament.” You were close to slapping yourself across the face as he offered you a slight smile, and you were convinced you were simply still dreaming. 

You couldn’t help the smile spreading on your face as his words finally sunk in and you realized you were not dreaming at all. You grabbed your bag and walked through the door with a slight spring in your step. 

“Of course sir!” 

“And drop the ‘sir’ when we’re alone.”

[remedialpotions]

all these people think love’s for show

This was written for the 2020 Incognito Elf exchange on the Harry and Ginny Discord for the amazing @katie-with-the-tea. Katie, I hope you have a fantastic holiday! ❤️💚 Special thanks to @thedistantdusk for organizing the event, which is no small feat! 

Title taken from "peace" by Taylor Swift, because I am forever basic and proud of it.

ao3

Harry’s not unaccustomed to seeing his face splashed over the front page of the Daily Prophet. It’s a weekly, if not near-daily occurrence, and it has been since the end of the war. They are obsessed with him. They snap photos when he’s out for a pint with Ron or visiting Madam Malkin’s for a new set of robes (because as it turns out, it’s possible to go on the run for nine months at the age of seventeen, live off mushrooms, and still go through a grow spurt). They print speculative editorials every time he has to go to the Ministry - which is frequent, since he works there, though they prefer to disregard that. They run interviews with people he only tangentially knows - the Eyelops employee who once sold him Owl Treats, perhaps, or the Hufflepuff who was Head Boy when Harry was in his first year - who share embellished tales of their interactions with The Chosen One.

At this point, it’s almost weird when they aren’t talking about him.

Mostly, though, he’s managed to shield Ginny from taking the full brunt of it. She’s a hero in her own right, and he knows that a sighting of the two of them together is guaranteed to sell more papers than the Prophet can print in a day. He spent the summer hiding out with her at the Burrow or at Grimmauld Place, which proved effective, and so far, they haven’t missed out on too much. Of course it would be nice to take her out for dinner or even just walk through London holding her hand, but the reality of his life means that isn’t exactly an option. After everything, he’s just happy to be with her at all.

But today, it’s different. Today, when the post owl flies in through the fireplace and drops a fat bundle of newsprint directly onto Harry’s mug of tea, it’s not just his bespectacled face blinking back at him. In fact, the sight before him makes his stomach sink into his shoes.

“Nice,” mutters Ron from across the kitchen table as he uses his wand to siphon up the mess. “All they do is deliver papers all day, you’d think they’d have better aim.” He pauses and narrows his eyes at Harry. “You all right?”

Harry wants to respond, really he does - he knows Ron is prone to assuming the worst when he goes all quiet like this - but maybe Ron should assume the worst, because that’s how it feels. Words are failing him.

The photo, which moves in a terrible, taunting loop upon the page, is from yesterday, when he had been foolish enough to think that he could sneak up to Hogsmeade to see Ginny without being spotted. He followed all of his own unwritten rules, too. They didn’t go to the Three Broomsticks or to Honeydukes, but instead stole away to a secluded grassy knoll just behind the Shrieking Shack, where he believed that its macabre reputation would shield them from prying eyes.

And it had, but he made the mistake of kissing her hello in the middle of High Street (having not seen her in weeks, he hadn’t really been able to help it), and now, taking up the entire front page of the Sunday Prophet, is a long-lens closeup photo of their lips locking together. Over and over and over again.

Harry tosses the paper down onto the table and leans back in his chair. At this very moment, that same paper is surely arriving in the Great Hall, landing on the long wooden tables and making a spectacle of the most precious relationship in his life.

“Fuck’s sake,” laughs Ron, blinking in surprise at the photo. “Not exactly subtle, are they?”

“I should have used the cloak,” Harry mutters, mostly to himself, as Ron picks up the empty mug and carries it over to the stove. “And I should have met up with her somewhere different, I don’t know why I thought I could Apparate to the middle of town on a Saturday afternoon and not get caught - or I should have just stayed home. I should have known better.”

“They’d have got you some other way,” reasons Ron as he refills the mug with boiling-hot tea. “It’s unavoidable at this point, really, innit?”

The fact Ron’s right doesn’t make the truth sting any less. Where Harry goes, photographers follow, and if it was only his life it affected, he could live with it. But Ginny deserves better. Most of the horror Ginny has been through has been his fault, and now that it’s over, she deserves calm and happiness and peace.

If only he could offer that to her.

“How come this never happens to you and Hermione?” Harry asks irritably as Ron plunks the mug down in front of him. “Oh, cheers.”

Ron shrugs and picks up a slice of toast. “It does, occasionally,” he replies around a bite, “if it’s a slow news day. But the difference is that they’re not usually looking for us. They’re always looking for you.”

“And now they’ll be looking for Ginny too.”

Ron nods, morose. “Yeah.”

“Fuck.”

Like he always does, Harry writes to Ginny that afternoon, but today the parchment is filled with apologies, promises to do better, ideas on how they can meet up without being seen. He doesn’t try to reassure her, because there’s nothing to reassure her about: this is his life. There is no sense sugarcoating it; she needs to know what she’s got herself into by being with him.

By the time he’s finished his letter, the sky has gone dark, and he ambles down to the basement kitchen with the intention of sending his letter off with Pigwidgeon. But just as he reaches the staircase, he pauses. He might just be imagining things - it wouldn’t be the first time - but he’s almost positive he’s heard his name just now, coming from the general direction of the fireplace.

“Harry?”

There it is again, louder, more insistent, and alarmingly familiar. His stomach just about leaps into his throat as he thunders down the stairs and darts across the kitchen to the fireplace.

“Ginny!” Indeed, her bright, beautiful face is hovering there above the grate, and the sight of her squeezes his heart with fear. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”

“Well, hello to you too,” she quips, good-naturedly shaking her head.

“How are you doing this?”

“I’m in McGonagall’s office,” she says as though this is something she does every day. “I just wanted to talk to you.”

His stomach turns over. She’s here to chuck him, he’s sure of it. She’s seen the paper and she’s decided that the hassle isn’t worth whatever benefit there is to dating him (if one even exists).

“Oh,” replies Harry, resigned as he drops down to the floor in front of the fireplace. “All right.”

Ginny tilts her head curiously to the side. “You look like someone’s just died,” she observes. “Is everything okay?”

“Well - I - erm - you go first,” he stammers out. “What’d you want to talk about?”

She squints at him, perplexed, then says, “Apparition lessons are starting tomorrow. The thing is, there’s so many people signed up this year - y’know, since we didn’t have them last year at all, it’s sixth and seventh years - that there isn’t room in the Great Hall so we’re doing them in Hogsmeade instead.”

Harry nods, unsure how to respond. If she’s chucking him, this is an odd way to begin the conversation. And if she’s not, then he’s not entirely why it’s so urgent to inform him about her Apparition lessons.

“So since the lessons are in the morning, McGonagall said we could stay in the village for lunch if we wanted to, so you can visit again.” The excitement on her face is painful to behold. “I just didn’t think a letter would make it to you in time, and I really want you there.”

Relief rushes through him - she is definitely not breaking up with him - but it is quickly replaced by guilt, because she looks so happy and so hopeful, and he loves her so much, and he doesn’t want to have to say what he’s about to say.

First, though, he leans forward and kisses her softly on her soot-tinged lips. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Ginny blinks. “Oh.”

“Just, with what was in the paper today-”

“Oh, that,” interjects Ginny. “Yeah, I thought it was ridiculous too-”

Guilt grips tighter at Harry’s chest. “I know, I’m so sorry. I had no idea they were even there, but I should have known to expect it by now-”

“But I still want to really see you tomorrow,” she says, looking earnestly up at him.

“I do too, but…” He lets out a long, slow breath. “It just isn’t a good idea.”

Ginny looks up at him again, an intensity in her eyes this time, and then nods decisively. “Right. I’m coming in there, can you pull me through?”

“Gin - you can’t just leave school-”

“What’re they going to do, expel me? Come on, pull me through.”

Her hand rises up from the grate. Harry grasps it and tugs until she materializes fully in front of him. As she steps out of the fireplace, she brushes off her robes and then drops down onto the cold tile floor beside him. Her right hand slips over his left and pulls it onto her lap, and their fingers entwine together automatically.

“I’ll be honest,” says Ginny, the tip of her thumb rubbing along the back of his. “I didn’t love the picture in the paper.”

“I’m so sorry-”

“Stop apologizing.” Her quiet voice carries immense patience; affection for her bubbles up inside of him. “I didn’t love the picture, and the article was…” She casts her eyes up to the ceiling in search of the right words. “Creative at best. But I also wasn’t surprised by any of it. I’m mostly amazed it hasn’t already happened.”

“That’s because we never used to go anywhere together,” Harry points out, and she nods her agreement. “But Ginny, it’s only going to get worse. There’s always going to be pictures and articles that make things up, it’s just part of my life. I just, I never wanted it to be part of yours.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” says Ginny, “but that’s completely stupid.”

Harry lets out a sputter of startled laughter. “Oh, is it?”

“Of course it’s going to be part of my life,” she tells him, eyes fixed on his, “because I chose to make you a part of my life. I didn’t have to get back together with you, you know.”

Despite himself, Harry laughs again. Somehow Ginny manages to make everything better, easier, lighter. He expected an awful, painful conversation, and instead they’re holding hands and laughing.

“I’ve always known what I was getting myself into,” she goes on. “People talked when we were together last year, too.”

“A little gossip from Romilda Vane is completely different from the Prophet printing things every day - which they’ll do, by the way, now they’ve got pictures of us together.”

Ginny shrugs. “So let them. I mean, if they’re going to do it regardless, then we shouldn’t stop living our lives.”

This is difficult to argue with, but there is still one nagging fear at the back of Harry’s mind, because now he has further proof that Ginny really is in this for the long haul with him. The wizarding world has been watching him since he was eleven, and he doesn’t expect that all of this public attention isn’t going away anytime soon.

“So, what about…” He looks down at their interlocked fingers, studying the way they fit together as though designed that way. “I mean, what if we - erm - got married, and - and had kids?”

Harry forces himself to meet her eyes and finds that same intensity burning there, the thing that kept him going on long, cold, hopeless nights in the tent, the very last thing he saw as he faced his own death.

That, and maybe just the slightest hint of a smile.

“If we have kids?” she repeats softly.

“Yeah, well - you can’t pick who your parents are, can you?”

“Maybe everyone’ll be bored of you by then,” Ginny offers up, inching closer to him and resting her head on his shoulder. “And if not, we’ll deal with it.”

“All right.” Harry angles his face towards hers so that their lips brush. “Just know that I wouldn’t blame you if you decided you’d like a quiet life.”

Ginny’s nose crinkles. “Sounds boring,” she says. “I’d rather have you.”

Their lips meet again, lingering together in soft, gentle kisses, and when Ginny pulls back to catch her breath, Harry realizes he has one last question.

“What’d the article say, anyway? I never even read it.”

Ginny sits up straight. “You haven’t read it?!”

“I was too angry!”

“It was rather brilliant, actually,” she says with relish. “It spoke a lot about what a scarlet woman I am, having had three whole boyfriends in my life-“

“Naturally-“

“But apparently now I’m even worse, because now…” She paused for dramatic effect. “I’m the one you’re cheating on Hermione with.”

Harry laughs and rolls his eyes. “As if Hermione and Ron weren’t just down the road from us?”

“Yeah, well.” Ginny planted a cheerful kiss on his cheek. “Let them say what they want.”

[aurorawest]

can you also do a director's commentary on "Fool for You"? 🐠 this is one of my favs 🥰

Yeah! Thank you for asking about this one! Since it’s over 6k words I’ll just grab the interesting parts, I hope that’s okay! Link on AO3.

First of all, I will just say, I was shocked by the response to this fic. I wrote it for Froststrange Week earlier this year, and it was by far the fluffiest fic I wrote for that event. It’s one of the fluffiest things I’ve written ever. I was actually nervous to post it...and I’ve written some very dark stuff that didn’t even give me pause before hitting the post button on AO3, haha. But this one? I distinctly remember my palms getting sweaty (gross) and having to walk away from my computer after I posted it, because I was so freaked out. But people liked it! It was probably my most popular Froststrange Week fic.

Onto the fic...

Loki craned his head, staring upwards as the massive shark moved smoothly and silently through the water overhead. He’d never seen anything like it, despite his one thousand and sixty years in the universe. It moved off, disappearing over rocks dappled with slow, turquoise sunlight.

“It’s a whale shark,” Stephen informed him, staring down at an informational plaque posted along the walkway. Loki had read all of them so far, but he’d stopped dead in his tracks in the glass tunnel when he’d seen the shark, too awed by it to move. Ahead of them and behind them, the screams and excited voices of school groups echoed, but the two of them were in a lull between throngs.

The prompts for the day that I used were ‘firsts’ and ‘aquarium date.’ The aquarium part was a no brainer for me, because I head canon that Loki is a big nature lover, and that he particularly loves the ocean.

Rays sailed through the water alongside the shark. Those, Loki was more familiar with. They’d had them on Asgard. Extinct now, of course. All of Asgard’s species, all its plants, animals, insects, all of it, were extinct. It was a depressing thought.

Okay, well, this is a fluffy fic, but obviously I’m incapable of writing pure fluff. It’s Loki, so there has to be some angst.

Always prone to depressing thoughts, Loki was. He looked at the whale shark again, then at Stephen, leaning over the plaque and reading it—mostly for Loki’s benefit, so the two of them could talk about it. That made Loki’s heart swell. His sadness would always be with him, but his happiness sat next to it, bright and blinding. Stephen Strange, Sorcerer Supreme, Guardian of the New York Sanctum, human sorcerer and ridiculously, heart-poundingly beautiful man, was responsible for much of it.

Loki is really, really in love. And he can finally be free about admitting it.

Turning around, Stephen met Loki’s eyes and said, “So, the Georgia Aquarium was a good choice?”

In preparation to write this fic, I googled what the world’s best aquariums were. I knew the Georgia Aquarium was a big deal (both from living in north Florida for a time and just...being a person who likes zoos and aquariums), but I wanted to see if there were others. Obviously, Stephen can go anywhere, so for their first date, he would take Loki to the best of the best. The Georgia Aquarium does consistently appear at the very top of aquarium lists (others were Monterey Bay and one in...Dubai, I think?).

I spent a lot of time on the Georgia Aquarium’s website. It’s a huge place and has lots of different aquariums, so I had to choose the one they would spend most of their time at. The website has webcams on a lot of the aquariums, so I actually watched them while I was writing.

[...] This place made one want to learn about Earth’s oceans, which might make them less prone to destroying them. Since he’d taken up permanent residence on Earth, Loki had learned to love it—and he’d grown increasingly aware that humanity was rather short-sighted about the planet they lived on.

Loki the environmentalist.

Then again, somehow he doubted that if Hela had been better educated about Asgard’s mollusk population, she would have decided not to take over and kill everyone.

This line always makes me laugh.

[...] “Good,” Stephen said. “I figured you’d like it. But, you know. First date and everything. I wanted to get it right.”

The squirming in Loki’s stomach turned to a full explosion of butterflies. First date. Could two people have a first date when they’d already exchanged avowals of love? Hadn’t that been the first date? Or perhaps their first date had been years ago, without either of them quite knowing it?

It’s always a balance for me to write these fics that take place in the ‘future,’ as compared to where I am in the chronological writing of this verse. I just finished fic #6 in my series, which takes place in 2027. This fic takes place in 2030. The avowals of love Loki refers to hear is from the end of the last fic in the series, ‘The General Mess and Imprecision of Feeling,’ and is when the two of the officially get together. They unknowingly going on their first date years ago is a reference to the fact that the two of them have been doing date-like activities with each other for years, just with neither of them admitting it. One of my other fics for Froststrange Week is actually one of these instances (‘far away from here and closer to somewhere else,’ where they run into each other in Hong Kong and get drunk together). In fic #8 (which I’m working on now), they end up spending the day together in London. In fic #9, they spend a lot of Thor and Jane’s wedding together.

He craned his head up to stare at the top of the glass tunnel, 

They’re in the Ocean Voyager aquarium.

suddenly not knowing what to say, feeling as though he might make a fool of himself. A sea turtle swam by slowly, the underside of its shell gleaming like the moon. The truth was that he’d probably made a fool of himself in front of Stephen so many times that it no longer even registered to him.

Or maybe… Loki looked over at him. Stephen was watching him, a look in his eyes that made warmth spread through Loki. Maybe Stephen didn’t actually find Loki foolish. Maybe he never had.

The idea of Loki being a sentimental fool is something that pops up pretty constantly in my fics. Here, Loki is thinking of times he’s actually looked stupid in front of Stephen, real and imagined. He has the wherewithal to recognize that maybe a lot of them are imagined, and that even the real humiliations don’t make Stephen view Loki as a fool.

“How did you know I would like this?” Loki asked.

[...] “Remember the time we went to the Museum of Natural History?”

“Yes.” Loki raised an eyebrow at him. “You really played tour guide quite often, didn’t you?”

Giving Loki an amused look, Stephen said, “It seemed like the decent thing to do. I had royalty living at my house.”

[...] “Silly me,” Loki said. “I thought it might be because you had a bit of a thing for me back then.” Stephen shot him a crooked smile. It wasn’t agreement. But it certainly wasn’t denial, either.

Stephen definitely did have a thing for Loki back then. Loki had a thing for him, too. By the time Loki leaves the Sanctum, they’re in love with each other, though neither of them has quite realized it yet. Stephen realizes much sooner then Loki (surprise).

[...] If Loki was being honest, he’d been mildly terrified that he would arrive at the Sanctum and Stephen would do something—look at him in some way, speak to him in a way that was just a bit false—that Loki would know that Stephen had thought about it and decided that they’d made a terrible mistake and he was looking for a way to extricate himself from their new…relationship. Romance. Whatever it was.

This is Loki’s constant fear. It takes him a long, long time to stop worrying about it. It’s his fear with everyone, though. Boil Loki down to his bare essentials, and you get a giant heart and massive abandonment issues.

Loki snorted with laughter and then grinned at Stephen. “Your expression, honestly, Strange. I’ve seen you face far greater foes with much less fear.”

[...] Shrugging, Stephen said, “Kids. Not really my thing.”

“It’s not as though you need to bring them home.”

[...] “I enjoy the chaos that children cause.”

“You might be the only person here who’s enjoying the decibel level of that pack of kids,” Stephen said.

Loki actually really likes kids! And Stephen doesn’t at all.

Loki flashed a grin at him, thought about making a joke about having children, and then dismissed it. It would be a joke, because the last thing Loki wanted right now, possibly ever, was a child that he could pass all his hang-ups to. His own upbringing had been…a challenge. He doubted his ability to overcome it.

My main interest in the two of them ever having a child lies in exploring Loki’s issues with his own father.

[Stephen reveals his big surprise...is that he booked an aquarium sleepover] It was more than Loki didn’t know what to think. What was an aquarium sleepover? Sleeping here? They allowed people to do that? Had this cost extra money? Stephen didn’t have any money, so why would he spend extra on something like this?

You really can do aquarium sleepovers at the Georgia Aquarium! It’s actually not that expensive, but Loki knows that Stephen’s only income is a stipend from Kamar-Taj. Stephen has nothing at all left over from his pre-wizard days and he depends entirely on that stipend.

[...] The two of them continued through the aquarium, visiting each gallery in turn. Even though Loki was quite sure Stephen’s interest in all of this was limited, he never gave any indication that he was bored. He seemed, actually, entirely taken by Loki’s enthusiasm, and that was a feeling that Loki had certainly never experienced. 

I really tapped into that brand-new relationship feeling for this fic, haha.

The number of healthy romantic relationships that Loki had experienced was…pretty close to zero, so there had never been someone who had been interested both in sleeping with him and in seeing him enjoying his interests.

It actually is zero. Loki has never had a healthy romantic relationship. He’s hedging here because the romantic encounters he’s had that approach healthy count to him as relationships.

They ate dinner at the aquarium café, which was serviceable but nothing special. At least, the food was nothing special. It was the first time Loki and Stephen had eaten dinner together as a couple. Gods. Loki felt like an adolescent. He was eating a veggie burger and Stephen was eating chicken tenders, with drinks they’d filled themselves out of a fountain machine, and somehow it was the most romantic dinner he’d ever had. Stephen’s knee pressed against Loki’s under the table and he leaned forward like he couldn’t stand that the table top had put a couple feet of space between them.

In other words, Loki could have been eating just the ketchup packets that had been provided to him on his tray, and he would have been happier than he’d ever been in his life.

This is one of my favorite parts of the whole fic. Anyone who’s ever been crazy about a new romantic partner has had this experience, I think.

[Stephen conjures butterflies for the kids they encountered earlier] Suddenly, thousands of blue butterflies burst from within the half-spheres, swirling in a bright blue stream across the ceiling and amongst the children, whose delighted shrieks made their teachers wilt. The butterflies flitted, azure and lapis, iridescent, bobbing on air currents, until they turned to wisps of light and disappeared.

I rarely make use of the whole butterfly thing with Stephen, primarily because I tend to associate it with another Stephen ship (which is one of my NOTPs), but...it’s nice, right? I wanted to use it. A butterfly also appears in Doctor Strange, so it’s imagery that seems to be sort of associated with him.

[left alone in the gallery for their sleepover...] Loki looked around. “Shouldn’t there be other people here?” he asked.

Stephen looked immensely satisfied with himself. “Nope. We get the whole gallery to ourselves.”

Furrowing his brow, Loki asked, “How? Did you buy all the tickets?” This seemed as though it would have been exorbitantly expensive.

Still looking enormously pleased, Stephen said, “I might have played the Sorcerer Supreme card.”

“No one knows what the Sorcerer Supreme does.”

“Okay, fine. I said I was an Avenger.”

My head canon is that Stephen is pretty disdainful of the Avengers. He definitely doesn’t want to be part of the ‘team.’ He’s a loner by nature. Definitely the guy who hated group projects, because he was the one that got stuck doing all the work. This loner quality is something that Loki and Stephen have in common.

[...] Loki buried his nose in Stephen’s hair and breathed in his scent, his shampoo that smelled like sandalwood, the cologne he had definitely put on today, cedar and faintly citrusy. Norns, he smelled good.

Loki first associates the smell of sandalwood with Stephen in Sleight of Hand (it’s right at the end of chapter 12). His cologne makes an appearance in my fic ‘Afterimage,’ which is the fifth fic in my series.

[...] Loki took the sleeping bags from Stephen and undid the ties on them, which were knotted far too tightly for Stephen to loosen.

Stephen actually being affected by his disability is always important for me to include.

[...] Loki laughed. Maybe none of the other Masters thought Stephen was funny, but Loki had always found his sense of humor addictive, sly and surprising, and perfectly suited to Loki’s own.

This is a callback to Stephen’s and Wong’s exchange in Doctor Strange:

“People used to think I was funny.” “Did they work for you?”

[...] There were other things in the bag—a change of clothes for tomorrow, toothbrushes, toothpaste, some over-the-counter medications. When Stephen went to the bathroom to change, Loki snooped more thoroughly. Razor blade, shaving cream, nail clippers, a little bottle of mouthwash, a bottle of cologne. Loki decided to pop the cap open and smell that, then tried to tell himself that the feeling that washed over him could be described in some other way than ‘a swoon.’ There was nothing in the bag that implied Stephen thought they’d be doing anything tonight but sleeping.

I really love this because it’s really not particularly above board for Loki to snoop through Stephen’s bag...but it is a very Loki thing to do. And pretty human. Especially because he’s looking for condoms and lube. Of course he is! They’re spending the night together...are they Spending The Night Together?

[...] Stephen looked at the foot of empty space separating the two sleeping bags, then glanced up at Loki. “Are you comfortable with…” he began, then trailed off, before trying again, “I mean, do you want to be…further away…?”

“Do you?” Loki asked. When Stephen hesitated, Loki took a guess about what the honest answer was, then reached out and tugged Stephen’s sleeping bag until it was right next to his.

Stephen is big on enthusiastic consent. Loki is far more willing to take his chances and guess based on body language.

Eventually, they drew apart, and Loki couldn’t help suspecting it had something to do with the way Stephen seemed to be keeping his hips pulled back just a little. Temptation. If Loki reached down…

But no. Instead, he very deliberately folded an arm under his head, resting his head on his bicep. Stephen did something that looked like it was probably a clothing or anatomy adjustment to accommodate a situation, but Loki didn’t comment. Quite honesty, he had his own situation down there, and it just felt like good manners not to say anything.

I honestly have no idea what guys would do in this situation. Just guessing based on both of their personalities. Is a first date too soon to admit, ‘Hey, you just gave me a boner?’ It feels like it is?

Neither of them spoke for a minute or two. They simply stared at each other. Then, Stephen said gently, “I know you’re worried.”

“Worried?” Loki raised an eyebrow. “What do you think I’m worried about?”

Stephen’s gaze didn’t waver. “This.” When Loki pressed his lips together, Stephen added, “You think I’m going to change my mind. Right?”

No one has ever gotten Loki the way Stephen gets him. And Stephen is very patient, very gentle, and very like...you know when you pspspspsps and hold your hand out to a cat? That’s Stephen with Loki, haha.

[...] “The reasons are myriad, of course [for Loki’s insecurity]. I’ve made poor choices. But yes. In part, it’s because I’m…challenging. And people change their minds.”

Oh hey look, it’s the author projecting.

[...] But Loki was greedy. He didn’t want to say in a few months, or a few years, This was great while it lasted. 

There’s something kind of sad to me about the idea that Loki can’t even view his love for Stephen as an entirely good thing. He’s a sentimental fool, he’s overly romantic, he’s greedy. And if I wanted to go this route, I could easily make Loki very co-dependent in this relationship; it would be easy to turn it really unhealthy. But I don’t want to, haha. It makes sense that Loki would feel like he has to gorge himself on Stephen’s adoration of him, because he’s never really had this before, not from someone he wants to be with (other people have loved him, but he hasn’t loved them back).

He would already have to give it up too soon, because he would outlive Stephen by such a long time. And he already knew there would never be anyone else.

There isn’t. Stephen will die, and Loki won’t ever be with anyone else. Luckily for him, he gets Stephen back eventually.

Stephen leaned forward and kissed Loki softly; the most tender, most heartfelt kiss Loki had ever experienced. “Don’t worry,” he murmured, his lips warm against Loki’s.

It was difficult not to deepen the kiss, difficult not to kiss Stephen harder. He’d never needed anything to be true as much as he needed this to be true, or at least it felt like it. Don’t worry. But Loki always worried. All the good things in his life still felt so fragile, as though they could implode at any moment.

Though—he supposed he was getting better at not actively sabotaging them himself.

This is part of Loki’s arc in my fic. Stephen and he aren’t together until Loki heals in a lot of other ways. One of them is not trying to blow things up so he can control their destruction.

Thank you so much for asking!! Sorry for the delay in responding.

Fanfic Writers: Director’s Cut

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #347

“lay your head down, child  /  i won’t let the bogeyman come  /  count the bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums”

Have you ever watched a whole hour long infomercial? Ha, Girt and I have one day when he was hanging out. It was about a vacuum, to be precise. Do you tend to cave into peer pressure? No. Do you think it's attractive for a man to wear eyeliner? Yeah. Are you listening to music currently? Yeah, it's this version of Manson's "Lunchbox" that I hadn't heard before. Have you ever done something you once thought you'd be too chicken to do? Yeah, like going on this one ride at a fair. Y'know, the kind that slowly brings you way up and abruptly drops you. What's your relationship to the child you’re around most? They're my nieces and nephew. Have you ever had an illegal substance in your blood stream? No. What is the worst thing that has ever happened to your hair? More than once, back when I had long hair, it would get so knotted from neglect that I'd brush out just... giant clumps of hair. The joys of depression, right? It's honestly part of the reason I cut it all off, and it's something I seriously recommend for people who struggle with brushing their hair. What do you think about cats? I adore them. Who do you want with you when you're afraid? Absolutely my mom. Who might as well just be your sibling? Ha, Sara. We're just so remarkably similar, and even when we first met in person, we clicked like it was nothing. Would you ever consider working for the government? No; I'm not working with corrupt, lying motherfuckers. What is the weirdest thing you have ever witnessed a sibling doing? Well, your sister "sleepwalking" or whatever she was actually doing and grabbing a knife she'd hidden under her mattress to creep towards her then-boyfriend was beyond just "weird." Your first best friend's name? Brianna. How do you act when you're uncomfortable? "Anxious, impatient, and fidgety." <<<< Same. It's very obvious I want to get out of the situation. What bug would you like to be extinct? Do wasps do like... anything for the environment? I don't want to give a definite answer here that ends up being ignorant, because I appreciate bugs that are even just a regular food source for more vital creatures like spiders, but I don't know a damn thing wasps do that are beneficial. They just kill bees, from what I know. Do you know anyone other than a cop who has ever owned a cop car? No. Have you ever felt fire? I mean, I've never directly touched fire, no. What would you do if your first love asked you back out? I REALLY DON'T WANT TO PICTURE THIS. Do you know anyone that is a lesbian? Yeah. What are your thoughts on roleplaying games? I think they're fun. Do you want to have a bachelor/bachelorette party before you get married? So, true story, I don't even know what those entail exactly. But considering how few friends I have, I probably wouldn't. Ever been texted by mistake and played along & acted like you knew them? No. Would you ever get a name tattooed on you? Noooo sir. Do your parents dress like they’re years younger? Does it gross you out? They don't, but it wouldn't gross me out...? They can dress however they damn well please. Obsession from childhood? Dinosaurs and Spyro probably top the list. Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Just swim, really. I hate warm weather. Favorite activity to do in cold weather? If there's snow, take pictures. If it's just cold, then I like to just stay inside and bundle up in bed. Five songs to describe you? I don't know five, but I know a few I resonate with: "Get Up" by Mother Mother, "That's What You Get" by Paramore, uhhh then idk. Best way for someone to bond with you? Hm. Probably just like... talk about life, like our stories and things we've been through, both good and bad. Just being mutually vulnerable makes me feel connected to people. I like bonding via music, too, and I find it pretty exciting to share songs and, once again, go deeper and share what they mean to you, etc. etc. In summary, I just like getting to know a person at their core. What is the first meme you remember seeing? Hell if I know. Lemonade or tea? Lemonade, by a landslide. Sci-fi, fantasy, or superheroes? Fantasy. Favorite type of cheese? American. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? I relate very deeply to Henry Townshend from SH4 with saying "what the hell?" about literally everything. If you were an anime character, what genre of anime would it be? I'unno. Character you relate to? Since watching a playthrough of the game the first time, I've related to Max Caulfield from Life is Strange very deeply. An awkward photographer that cares a lot for people. Favorite website from your childhood? Webkinz. Least favorite flavor of food or drink? Grape, usually. Or orange. Favorite potato food? French fries. PC or console gaming? I prefer console games. Writing or drawing? Shit man, why you gotta make me choose? I feel much more satisfaction after drawing something I'm proud of, but I write way more. Who would you put before everyone else? My mom. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Literally none. Do you get motion sickness? No. Have you ever been on a cruise? No. Have you ever bailed a friend out of jail? No. Have you ever won anything from a radio station? No. What do you do when you go to the beach? Swim for a while and then sit under the tent or whatever we brought and think about how ready I am to go home and get out of the heat. How many pillows are on your bed? Two. Do you like pickles? Yeah. Do you like camping? I've never been *legit* camping; Dad would just sometimes set up the tent in the yard and he and my sisters and I would sleep out there. I LOVED that as a kiddo. I think I'd enjoy like, one night of actual camping, so long as I have my camera and phone. My technology dependence would probably get me by Day #2, lol. Have you ever ridden a motorcycle? No, and I don't plan to. Wrecking in one of those can fuck you the hell up. Even with a helmet, just honestly, it seems... pretty stupid to put yourself at THAT incredible a risk. Have you ever had plastic surgery? No. Were you ever sent to the principal’s office as a kid? I don't think so... but maybe once? I have this super faint memory of being in the office, but maybe I was bringing them something from my teacher? That sounds about right. Have you ever used a slingshot? No. Have you ever driven an electric car? No. Do you live in an area that is prone to tornadoes? They happen here, but I wouldn't say we're "prone" to them. We get tornado watches/warnings a lot when we have summer storms, but it's seldom they actually occur, and it's even rarer for them to be noteworthy at all. What breed was the last dog you saw? One of our neighbors has a German Shepherd she walks a lot. How long have your parents been together (or how long were they together, if they no longer are): I wanna say around or over 20 years? I don't know. What 5 words best describe your mother’s personality? Loving, welcoming, resilient, selfless, and strong. Do you know any transgender people? Yes. Have you ever had a parrot sit on your shoulder? No, but that'd be cool. In the morning, do you eat breakfast first or brush your teeth first? I eat first. What’s something you’ve been struggling with lately? A number of things, but my weight's the real problem right now. All the weight loss progress I once made has almost been entirely erased... and I'm extremely, extremely upset about it. I'd rather move onto the next question than elaborate on this bullshit. Do you carry condoms? No, I don't have a reason to. Would you date someone with braces? Yes. Do you think people look up to you? God no. How often do you have trouble sleeping at night? Pretty much every night. Any vacations planned? No. We've never been able to afford vacations. Who were you last in a car with? My mom. Did you ever watch Sailor Moon? Yeah. My older sister was ooooobsessed. She even had the little toy wand and would dance to the theme when it came on. What do you want for Christmas? Well, it's rather early to think of that, but if I had to pull out an answer right now, it'd probably be either Venus' new terrarium (if I don't already have it) or supplies for it. If by some miracle I've been able to get everything I wanted for it by then, I would seriously love a hognose snake. If you had to get glasses would you wear contacts? I've worn glasses for many years, and I can live with it. I'd prefer contacts so I can get an undereye dermal piercing, but they're just too tedious for me. Best party you’ve ever been to? Maybe a big party my friend Summer had for one of her birthdays many years ago. We played lots of games like darts and stuff while listening to good music and just hanging out. Have you ever been surfing? I have not. Are you thinking about asking anyone out? No. Pink lemonade or regular lemonade? Pink. Chocolate or strawberry milk? Chocolate, for sure. I hate strawberry milk. Are you subscribed to a lot of channels on YouTube? Oh yes. Do you wish you had a better phone? Yeah. I mean, my phone is fine, but I particularly dislike the poor camera quality. Do you find texting fun? I'm officially becoming an old woman in that I don't really like texting anymore, but only because I make way too many typos. I would much rather type via an actual keyboard. Do you have any friends who have had twins? No. Do you have any past mistakes you’ve made that haunt you every day? Yes. Seriously. Are you bothered by something someone said to you years ago? Things especially Bryar and Colleen have said to me are probably going to die with me.

[monstaxdirtywonk]

Love Syndrome

Member : Wonho X reader

Genre : Fuff, some angst, some smut

Synopsis : A girl obsessed with Neurology takes an experiment on dating Hoseok, who has no idea this is a joke to her. Her experiment will turn against her when she’ll actually start falling in love...

 You weren't like the other girls. Maybe this will turn out to be one of those memes online but no, you truly meant it. As a kid, you despised dolls and castles, pink and unicorns. You showed a great interest in mechanics, cars (mostly destroying them and notice their parts), puzzles and balls. Truth be told, you were proud of yourself and how independent you grew to be. Your friends were crying every once in a while for that hottie blondie who broke up with them, while you did your best at comforting them. Relationships were an unnecessary drama, one you did not want to take part in. You’re fine the way you are! An academic career is in front of you, traveling the world and finally, being what you always wanted...a woman of logic, of sense, of credibility. No drama, no annoying clingy boyfriends, no crying sessions. No. No. No. You know what's best in life and that’s what’s your way. 

Your friend Val was over for support. There’s been a month since she broke up with the ex and still can’t let go. After hours of fake sentimentalism, you’ve had enough.

“You know what...I’ve got the perfect solution for you.”

Val raised her teary eyes and looked curiously to your side.

“You can get a dog! Yes that’s perfect, I should’ve thought about it sooner,

“okay thank you for trying to make me laugh but it’s not helping.”

“This isn’t a joke. it’s a real solution and a much more practical one than me just telling you sweet nonsense of ‘comfort’. Dogs, when in contact with humans, release a chemical in our brain called oxytocin, just like when you are with your partner. Instead of having the side effects and ups and downs of a relationship, a dog is much more devoted and drama free. Boom, you’ve got double win.”

“I swear sometimes I feel like you’re Sheldon from Big Bang theory in a female form.”

“Thank you for that compliment but I am not as good as the flawless mastermind Sheldon himself is.”

“You know what, Ima leave before we fight, the least thing I’m looking for is this.”

“Okay fine but think about it.”

You said as you made your way to the door along her. Val grinned and left without a second word. I mean you were right, even you thought of adopting a cute poodle. It’s much better than ‘adopting’ a boyfriend. Plus dogs are always happy when they see you. Maybe a dog is a good idea.

You checked the watch and it hit you.

“Damn, I’m late!” you exclaimed and took your purse heading out of the door.

----

‘When in love, you experience a rush of hormones to the brain — including oxytocin, the “love hormone,” the “pleasure hormone” dopamine, and sex hormones like estrogen and testosterone. ‘

You aren’t the type to believe in coincidences but if they exist, this can’t be one. Out of all those subjects, did they have to talk about love’s effect on the brain today? Unbelievable. But interesting at the same time, no wonder everyone’s so invested in this called ‘dating culture’.  

“Y/N, we’ll be in the cafeteria downstairs. Don’t be too late.”

“I won’t I promise.”

The proffessor looked at you intensely. You noticed and moved your head upwards.

“Actually I’ll close the class! Sorry about that but I have my lunch break.”

“Ah totally. I’m so sorry Mr.Jones for ‘eating your time away’” You laughed at your own pun and he did too.  

You slow-run to the exit and the moment you reached the door, you collided with someone and your books fell to the floor.

“Oh I’m sorry I can’t believe I’m so careless at times.” his voice, a sweet sound contrary to his muscular physique.

“No, it’s my mistake actually. I wasn’t looking straight, per usual.” he laughed and colected your books.

“I mean, you didn’t have to.”

“It’s the least I can do for bumbing into you like that. My Hulk self should be a little more careful since I might knock out someone.”

You laughed genuinely after a long time. He noiticed and smiled in satisfaction.

“So, you’re studying Neurology?”

“Ugh? Ah yes I do! It’s very interesting. Some might find it boring but it’s so exciting to learn about the wonder our body, our mind is.”

He was staring at you in awe. Probably thinking of you as a terrible nerd. Judging by his looks, he seemed the gym guy, totally off your valley.

‘I’m sorry. It gets boring for some.”

“No. Not at all. I admire those that are so passionate with what they’re doing. I would just like to add something more to your sentence.”

“...and what’s that?”

“the wonder our body, mind and soul is.”

Normally you’d think of it as lame. Actually it was cheesy but he is a pleasant surprise. It was unfair to judge him based on his looks after all.

“I guess.” you answered semi-sure.

“Now you might excuse me but I gotta go. It was nice talking to you.”

“Bye” you waved cringing at the silly child-like act.

----

The library was surprisingly empty for a uni with so many students. You took advantage and went there to study further for your upcoming exams. Suddenly a voice interrupted your train of thought and you were this close to cursing.

“Hey!” someone shout out in excitment, earning himself agressive shhs from the few students sitting there. He murmured a sorry and came your way. It was the guy that bumbed into you a couple of days before.  

“Hey” you answered as quietely as possible.

“So..” he said obviously nervous by his hand movements and red tint on his cheeks.

“I forgot to tell you my name and that was rude, wasn’t it?”

You didn’t answer because it wasn’t rude.

“I’m Hoseok.” he extended his arm for a hand shake.

You felt his pulse rising to dangerous vibrations. He was nervous for sure. Maybe you’re reading into it too much...

“Nice to meet you Hoseok, I’m Y/N.”

“You know I feel sorry to interrupt you but I’d like to offer you a drink, as a way to apologize.”

“You don’t have to! It wasn’t anything disastrous.”

“Is that a no?” he asked with puppy eyes, eager for an answer. You didn’t want to let him down, plus he seemed like a nice guy.

“You know what, let’s go but I’ll pay for my drink.”

“I insist.” you smiled at his stubborness.  

----

“So..” Hoseok said while stirring his coffee.  

“yees..” you answered looking back at him with curious eyes.

“I was thinking...if you’d like us to grab a snack/drink from time to time.”

You nodded hapily. You wanted a new friend especially when it’s someone as good and funny as Hoseok.

“Ah yes totally! I’d love to be your friend. You’re so funny and all!.” you replied and touch his arm playfully.

Hoseok sighed and his face seemed a bit dissapointed.

“Oh so you view me as a friend?”

“Yes...isn’t that what you wanted too?”

He moved closer and took your hand in his. It was a brave move and even tho his eyes were uncertain, his body language said otherwise.

“I mean, actually dating. You and me, more than friends.” he said and left your hand, letting you to decide on your own.

This came out of nowhere. You weren’t expecting this to be said so fast but here he is, right in front of you, asking. Hoseok had every charateristic a girl would want. Funny,smart and what seems like high levels of testosterone judging by his muscular body and prominant jawline. But, you didn’t know if this was enough. Relationships aren’t for you and you don’t  want to take time off your studies. You don’t even have feelings for him in the first place. You don’t have feelings for anyone, they are pointless attempts of nature to make you birth offsprings and save the specie from dissapearing.  

He studied your face for any expression that might suggest your answer but there was none. You were lost in those rapid thoughts and didn’t know what to do. When you finally came out of it and saw his pleading expression you shouted out

“YES” you bought your hand in front of your lips to shush yourself.

Hoseok smiled the brighest and most beautiful smile you’ve ever seen. His eyes were sparkling in hapiness and felt relieved to hear you, his cheeks rosy again. His beauty made you forget, the horror you just said. Did you just said...yes? How can you do such a thing? You don’t even have feelings for him. 

You sighed and he noticed.

“Don’t feel pressured. We will take things as slowly as you want them to be.”

Little did he know that wasn’t it.  

“Ah thank you Hoseok for being so understanding. Now I gotta go because … I gotta go. See you later.”

“Talk to you later” he said

“Oh and I forgot, can I have your phone you know...”

Typical couple things  

«Yes» you said and wrote your number down.

----

“What do I do when we walk side by side?”

You asked Val while holding a notebook in your lap, making small marks to study later.

“Just be natural! Don’t study for a date too”

“How can I be natural? I’ve got no idea what’s up with all this dating thing you guys do like it’s breathing or something. I will watch Netflix series once you’ll leave, those stupid crybaby ones, to find out more.”

“Ugh, okay you hold his hand too? maybe?”

“hold..his..hand..too..” you repeated while writing it down. It’s not that hard after all, unless he takes things further which he said won’t be happening.

“Now you can leave or you can leave because I’ve got very important things to do.”

“Very important aka watching Netflix.”

“Exactly” you nodded while laughing.

“okay I’m not gonna stay any longer either you know...i’m prone to crying.”

“Yes I know plus your PMS makes things even worse, I mean it’s normal you know with all those chemical and hormonal imbal...”

the sudden sound caught you off guard, Val really didn’t seem like the type that wanted to learn. You sighed loudly and moved to the couch. You truly made a mess. You didn’t want to hurt him with saying no, but if you say no now, it’ll hurt him even more. It’d be best if he didn’t have feelings but according to his body language and days he’s been exposed to your pherormones, he is in and deep. It might be beneficial tho, it’s not the most humanatarian idea but you can make the best out of a bad situation. Maybe, if you live through a relationship, you’ll be able to grasp why it means so much to others. An experiment.

It won’t hurt anyone, right?

[holyhikari]

The Wayne-Todd Literary and Tea Society

In which Damian and Jason bond over books and complicated feelings.

Batman (Comics) one-shot. Characters: Damian Wayne & Jason Todd.

Word count:  2695. For General Audiences. No pairings. 

Read on Ao3:  The Wayne-Todd Literary and Tea Society by Beatriz Caelum

When Damian sees Jason Todd, he is always tempted to ask a few questions.

You see, differently from most, what he wishes to say usually isn’t about the killing that happens when Jason puts on the infamous red helmet. That he is capable of understanding. Damian didn’t use to kill for anything related to ethics  — a natural aspect of his birthright more than anything else —, as grey as morality can get in both sides of his family, but he has blood on his hands nonetheless.

There isn’t much to say about dying, either. They’ve both been there, at different times, in almost different worlds, clinging to what Bruce Wayne once meant, but Death is timeless and the same to everyone it touches. (It is life that is different. Damian woke up to love and Jason to absence.) 

Sure, there were some scattered talks about it over a rooftop or two, mostly questions, “What do you remember of it?” and  “Do you feel wrong when you breathe?”, that were met with, “I’m not sure,” and “Being alive to me has always felt somewhat unsettling,” but it wasn’t long before they realized that it was the last thing they wished to talk about, even with someone who could understand.

Good thing they can work just fine with silence.

Even though almost a full year has gone by after Damian was bought back to the unfortunate land of the living, he still catches the Red Hood looking out for him more than what is necessary whenever they happen to meet under Gotham’s night sky. It’s something he does even when they are in different sides of a fight, “not opposite sides,” Hood would say, “you know what I want for this hell of a city is the same that you want, too.”

(Damian supposes it is the same in more ways than it is not, but Father has a more abrasive opinion on the matter.)

Regardless of how many times Damian has snarled for him to stay out of his way — like a little brother would be upset rather than an acquaintance or an ally —, that he does not need the extra protection, especially not from him, the Red Hood is insistent. Merciless even about this.

Father’s face twitched when he mentioned the gesture. Drake teased, “you complain when we don’t like you, you complain when we try to help.”  Richard gave him a sad smile that Damian couldn’t shake off for days; Nightwing is also prone to reckless protection around Robin, closer to endangering himself than he would be otherwise.

It makes it harder to work. It makes it more painful to love and be loved by Richard. It makes him more sensitive to what persisted of Father’s grief. But, right now, Damian can only think of how it makes him more curious about Jason Todd  — he could write a list. How can you be so ruthless, yet so caring? How much of your idiocy is staged? How was Father before he lost you? Do you truly not realize the hole you left inside his heart?

But, most of the time, he wishes to ask him about Mother.

Damian knows they spent some time together. What of her that he knows that her own son doesn’t? He wonders, sometimes, what would have been of their weird brotherhood — if you could call it that — if Mother was to tell him about the ex-Robin’s leap into the Lazarus Pit. They could’ve met. He was very young then, but his tender age had never been an issue to the League. Perhaps, after probably trying to murder Jason for planning to hurt the Batman of all people, he would grow to admire that… unique determination.  Like he does now, although reluctantly.

However, what actually pulls the trigger and has Damian swallowing his pride has nothing to do with blood — in any sense of the word.

“What do I own the visit?”

The way Damian stiffs, full on Robin gear and with only one foot into the apartment’s window, could only be caught by someone trained under his Father. The Red Hood snorts, a sound distorted by the helmet’s voice modulator.

“I assume you let me in,” he chooses to say. “Otherwise your security methods could be compared to the skillset of a babbling infant. And that is me being polite.”

“It sure is,” Hood sits down, couch worn out and small like most of his safehouses, reaching for a mug resting on a table. The room smells like cheap coffee — the kind that offends Drake to a personal level —, but Damian suspects that this is tea. “Alfred called. Like, a few minutes ago. Said that if I let my window open I might catch a bird.”

Damian clicks his tongue, “I didn’t tell Pennyworth to inform you of my arrival.”

“Are you embarrassed?”

He presses the bag he is holding a little too forcefully to his chest. “No.”

The Red Hood hums and takes off the helmet. Then, Jason Todd blows on his drink.  “You must have noticed by now, but Alfie kinda does what he wants.”

(Damian has very much noticed.)

“Were you about to go out to do any of your nonsense?” He asks. Then, more shyly:  “I could come back another time.”

For a moment, Todd looks like he’s about to ask what Damian wants from him, but instead, he raises an eyebrow. “You don’t get to boss me. Weren’t you supposed to be getting ready to patrol now, baby bat?”

Damian frowns at the nickname. “We’re going in later tonight for a specific mission, but, for once, I am not here to discuss any crime-related activity. It is more… personal.”

“Oh, no.” He groans louder than Damian wants to hear. “Is this any kind of family meeting? I know I have been on kinda-friendly terms with most of you for a while now, but I’m not in the mood for anything personal. ”

“It is not a family meeting.”

“Whatever it is, go to Dick.”

He clears his throat. “I think it will be of your interest.”

“Surprise me, then.” Todd sighs, stretching his arms. The mug is now empty and there’s probably more where it came from, but he doesn’t offer any beverage to Damian. Rude. “Do your worst, but you know I’m badder.”

He refuses the urge to roll his eyes at the insulting use of the English language — Todd is above this! — and drops his bag’s content onto the living room table with little to no ceremony, almost pushing the mug off. Jason curses at him.

Then, nine bangs. One from each Sherlock Holmes book colliding with the wood.

Todd's expression shifts in a way that Damian knows he wishes he still had the helmet on.

“These are mine,” he draws out, slow.

“Indeed.”

“You —,” Todd narrows his eyes, the greenish blue glowing accusingly. “You stole my books?”

Damian bristles, “I am above stealing.”

“I don’t remember giving them to you,” he points out. “Or letting you borrow them.”

“They were in the Manor’s library,” he says. “With some other books that also belonged — belong to you, I believe. They had a special place just for them.”

“Wh—”

“Pennyworth.”

Todd’s shoulders are still tense, but the lines around his eyes soften at Alfred’s name. Damian can see that there’s some sort of internal struggle by the way Jason’s body carries itself in what he recognizes as the most unforgiving self-discipline; as if his fingers itch to run through the books’ covers, open them, press gently to the pages’ margins to see — to feel — if the notes he took so fervently all those years ago are still intact, but he doesn’t want to have this moment in front of Damian.

“You came here to tell me you found out Alfie is a good person,” Todd deadpans, but Damian catches the constipated emotion nonetheless. “Amazing job, Detective.”

“I came here,” he hesitates, “because I saw your notes.”

Todd wrote on all the nine volumes, a  rushed, clumsy but determined calligraphy squeezed between the edges and Arthur Conan Doyle’s words, mostly untouched with the exception of a few phrases carefully circled by Alfred where Todd had made a grammar or spelling mistake. By the end of each and every book, there’s Father’s handwriting complementing Todd’s observations and theories about the plot, the mysteries and the characters throughout the pages.

It made Damian heart’s ache when he saw it all. Younger Todd’s excited rambling about what he was reading was very, very bright. More often than not, he grasped even the more obscure clues and foreshadowings Doyle left within the narrative — a detective in making. A natural.

Damian had imagined Jason Todd as this dense, unruly kid that would only pick up a book if someone made him. Someone who worshipped senseless violence. It’s what almost everyone says. It’s what Todd himself tells people.

I was Robin. The bad one.

“And you’re here to tell me how stupid they were? How much better you were at my age?” Todd scowls, getting up a little too fast, already walking towards him. “Because I don’t want to hear any of it. Get out.”

“Thank you,” Damian blurts out before the most Al Ghul part of him shuts his mouth and before Jason pushes him out of the window. “It was a privilege to read them.”

Surprise bursts into Todd’s face and he almost loses his balance when his steps come to an abrupt stop. “What?”

“You were — I saw your other books,” he says. “You have excellent taste in Literature and your notes were filled with very pertinent insights.”  

“You’re complimenting me.”

“Yes,” Damian rolls his eyes. “It would be foolish of me not to admit it.”

Todd opens his mouth, then closes it. He repeats the action a few more times.

“You’re welcome, I guess?” He says, exasperation coloring his tone. “I wish I had a camera.”

“Only the Sherlock Holmes collection had notes on them,” Damian decides to push his look. “I checked it twice.”

Todd’s lips twitch, forming a thin line. A sort of bitterness clings to him and Damian is suddenly too aware of the fact that the boy who wrote what he read is lost to more than time itself.

“B gave me them so the deductive skills part of training wouldn’t be so boring,” he sits down again, not looking at anything specific. “He — we decided to make it a sort of game. The notes were for him. So he could see my progress.”

“We don’t do this sort of activity,” Damian finds himself saying. He swallows, hand to his throat. The words hurt to pass through.

"I'd offer you tea, but I just ran out of it."

"Next time."

Todd’s smile is tired, “You can just ask Bruce to do stuff like this with you, gremlin.”

“I suppose I could,” he mumbles. Then, louder: “There are many clean books.”

“Don’t touch my stuff,”  he snaps, but there’s no venom to it. “You hadn’t read Sherlock Holmes before?”

Damian’s back straightens. He puffs his cheeks involuntarily, “Of course I had. I wanted to re-read it. Who do you take me for? I’ve read the most celebrated literary works to date from authors all across the world!”

“To Kill a Mockingbird?” He challenges. “One Hundred Years of Solitude? Beloved? Fahrenheit 451? The Color Purple? The Left Hand of Darkness?”

“Please,” Damian scoffs. “I could’ve written an award-winning analysis on all of these when I was four.”

“What’s the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything?”

“42.”

“Impressive.”

He shoots back at Todd a list of his own and isn’t all that surprised that Jason only stops him once, “Dom Casmurro? Never heard of it.”

“It’s from Machado de Assis,” Damian for once in his life tries not to sound arrogant when explaining something. “Brilliant writer from Brazil.”

“They’ve got Clarice Lispector too,” Todd’s eyes widen in recognition. “I’ll look it up.”

“No need,” Damian waves his hand in a dismissive gesture. “I’ll have a copy delivered to you in no time. We can discuss it later if Capitu did or did not cheat on Bentinho and why it is unclear to this day.”

“I don’t know who these people are, but I bet she didn’t and, if she did, he deserved it.”

Damian almost smiles, “Good guess.”

“Uh,” he blinks. “Are you okay, Damian?”

“Do I not seem in a good condition to you?”

“You want to spend time with me,” Todd says, pointing to himself. “With me. ”

Damian tries to mask the disappointment that creeps up on him with his usual scowl. “If you find it unpleasant and does not wish to—”

“I’m just surprised,” he interrupts. “God. Did I wake up looking like Dick Grayson and no one told me?”

“You’re not entirely impossible to be around, I’ll give you that, but you aren’t Richard either.” He smirks wolfishly. “But you do have a chance to prove to me that you can discuss art better than anyone else in our family.”

The last two words envelop the room in a heavy sort of silence. No one dares to move for far too long, and, despite the stillness of it all, despite how little effort one has to make in order to unveil the exact pace of their heartbeats and what they hide, no noise from the outside is brave enough to interrupt whatever flows between Damian and Jason in this instant.

Damian doesn’t know if Pennyworth keeping the books made him sentimental, or if the Bat Signal is shining behind him for Father, or if the way he said our family was just like Richard says it, or if something about his careful way of approaching reminds Todd of how he and Drake started sorting out their own issues, or if the act of sharing words and finding meaning in it makes Todd’s mind wander off to Cain. Damian has no idea.

But, somehow, they’re all here. With them.

And Todd could run away. He could — and he doesn’t.

His hand finally finds its way to one of the books, with such care and devotion that, if it wasn’t for the bat plastered on Todd’s chest and the gun attached to his waist, no one would believe he’s the Red Hood.

“These stories,” Todd’s voice is not above a whisper, “made me feel like I had a home when you guys couldn’t.”

Damian’s eyes burn behind Robin’s mask. “You can have more than stories now. If you wish.”

The look in Todd’s eyes carries the kind of intensity that makes people afraid to live another day. Damian waits, without as much as breathing, for something to shatter; for having to turn his back and walk out with Todd’s rejection at his trail.

Instead, “Damian Wayne wants me to join his book club.”

Stunned, he almost falters. “If you want to put it that way.”

Todd turns away to put on his helmet before Damian can get a better look at his expression, but, if there’s anything feigned about Todd’s agreement, he isn't able to see. He seems to be getting ready for the night, back turned to Damian and a serenity to his movements that wasn’t there before.

“The things I do for art,” the voice modulator makes his dramatic sigh sound like static.

“I only expect the best,” Damian warns. “I choose the books.”

“Always?” Todd protests. “But then we’ll never know in which Hogwarts house you’re in, or who is your godly parent and if you’re in Camp Half-Blood or Camp Jupiter, if you’re Team Edward or Team Jacob, and I won’t get to see your face when Prim goes boom, or —”

Damian is almost regretting this already.  “What even is this nonsense?”

“Oh, I’ll let you know.” Todd has one foot out of the window. “This is going to be priceless.”

“I won’t read any garba—”

“See ya in the Slytherin common room!”

“Where?”

Damian still has many questions to ask, but he is already gone, of course, and Robin is completely alone in the apartment.

But nowhere near as lonely as the other times Jason walked out on a conversation.

[funkymbtifiction]

About ENTJs.

SUBMITTED by lexwrites

What is it like being an ENTJ?

I read in previous posts about INFPs, and how accurately it applied to both my INFP mates. And I realised, such few truly understand ENTJs. I’ve been wanting to submit a post regarding our type in the hopes that it’ll help throw light on some aspects of this personality type and address what it’s like to belong to this type. To be honest, I have no idea why people want to be of a certain type (especially this one) - it’s not special, you are. I know Se types that do very well in school because they are more likely to be doing and moving on when we, intuitives, are contemplating. Planning and execution are merely two sides of a coin, both irreplaceable, both inseparable. And the world would be thrown off balance if everybody started to be like everybody else. We all have a role to play in this world, we’re parts of a bigger, much bigger, whole. And we all orient nicely to shape the world as we see it today. So, the sooner we embrace who we really are, the sooner we can contribute to the world, and thereby to ourselves.

Besides, the ridiculous thoughts that people have concerning ENTJs is hilarious and irksome: right from people using this type to excuse every bad behaviour (bullying, rudeness, arrogance) to embellishing and making unsubstantiated claims about oneself (I’d like to add here that ignorance is not the enemy of knowledge, the illusion of knowledge is). As an ENTJ, I’m appalled. No, I don’t approve of those behaviours (or the reasoning). Also, the idea of ENTJ has been so glorified that for a while, it made me believe that I’m not the type.

What is it like being an ENTJ? Well, how do you describe colours to a person who cannot see? It’s difficult to explain what having a function is like (most people ask me about the auxiliary Ni: I don’t know, I just have it). But one could describe the effects to better understand how the functions work, and how, together, they contribute to the end result which is the person that you see.

You’d never think I was an ENTJ (I didn’t). As a child, I was kind, tried to make many friends, did well in artistic activities, enjoyed physical activities and living in the moment. The artistic inclination, niceness and friendliness would probably (stereotypically) put me in Fe or my fast paced life would put me in Se. And then, as I got older, I was much quieter and ‘harsher’. I have been typed as an INTJ several times.

So, what is being an ENTJ like?

I wake up, ready to set my evil plan into motion. Taking over the world takes discipline, yes. My minions are ready for deployment…

I’m putting on my expensive suit, another normal day as managing director of a multinational company… no, not that either.

I’m an overworked college student. That sounds right.

(Some of the characteristics listed below may manifest in many other types. But all these together provide a framework to latch on to. I’m saying, it points to a likelihood that these represent the MBTI type).

Be that as it may, we best get on.

-Some would say I’m ambitious (or just plain unrealistic); they are the kind ones. I like to think I have goals, and strategies to see them through.

- A need to be in control (not ‘controlling’). This stereotype is true (and justified). I am at ease at the driver’s seat. Ever taught someone to drive? Then you know what it’s like to sit in the passenger’s seat of a novice driver and desperately want to take the wheel and do it right by yourself. This happens to be the case most of the time. I have a (bad) habit of seeking perfection, and I certainly dislike incompetence (who doesn’t?) and more importantly, I am put off by people who claim to know what they’re doing when they very obviously don’t.

-“It doesn’t matter what we want. Once we get it, we want something else.” Defining statement. Which means…

-I’m not prone to nostalgia. I don’t hold on to a record I set three years ago. Mistakes are a different story. Which brings me to…

-Admitting to a mistake means I need proof. Authentic proof. Calling me a hypocrite because it doesn’t fit with the accuser’s worldview is irrational. I appreciate the effort taken by a person to explain to me why something is wrong, with the help of solid data. Then it’s just professionalism.

-I hate indecisiveness. Even in myself. It might be as simple as ordering food or deciding which classes to take.

-I love to learn. I’ll take as many classes as is humanly possible, be it art, languages, academics. (My relatives often joke that there aren’t enough hours in the day for me).

-I don’t do things for the heck of it. If I don’t have an aptitude for it (say, sports), but I do like it, I won’t bother. Why invest time and energy into something that won’t come to fruition?

-When I say I suck at something, it’s because I know I can’t do it. But suddenly, everybody wants to prove me wrong. “Oh, no. I think you’re doing great!” No, I’m not seeking reassurance or looking for compliments. I’m just sure of what I cannot do (more so than what I can do). Helps me from doing something stupid, like making a promise and not seeing it through (which is rude, at best).

-I can be competitive (I’ll walk twice as fast as the person walking in front of me to ‘race’ him). But I have faced defeat, and several times at that, and will admit it gracefully (kind of).

-Every small incident is turned into a life lesson. Stubbed toe? Every scar is a lesson. (I think it’s probably how I process how I’m feeling).

-I’m good at breaking down tasks, tend to do so naturally (be it work, study, or planning an event). I can set things into motion just by being present. Although, I tend to piss people off in the process because they “don’t take orders from you” (mostly happens with older, high-Si people: ‘do as you’re told, no questions’ or ‘older is smarter’).

-I don’t like being forced to respect somebody for the title they hold if they cannot do the job they were hired to do (yes, even if they’re good people; they are not paid to be nice). The same rules apply to me too. I prefer to earn somebody’s respect than demand it simply because I’m in the position to do so.

-I’ve often been told that I’m too young to make ‘adult decisions’ despite my idea being better than theirs (while I do listen to them at other times). It’s not arrogance, it’s just an easier way to get the job done. Show me a better way, I’ll be more than happy to follow you.

Well, that’s enough of that.

ENTJ Contradictions:

Things that are contradictory to the ENTJ (stereo)type:

-I am lazy. I procrastinate. This is mostly true for monotonous work. If I believe it’s an easy job, I will leave it for the last minute because, well, I can.

-I tend to be slow to act, afraid of not being perfect enough before ‘launch’. Or I’ll do the exact opposite and make a fool out of myself.

-I have an over-active imagination. I get plenty of ideas and can seem scatterbrained when I speak too soon or when I’m trying to say it all at once (when I’m excited about it): something attributable to Ne, perhaps.

-I am artistically inclined.

-I get obsessive about a past mistake I’ve made or very upset when my structure/plan is disrupted (that one would term me Si if they didn’t know me).

-I enjoy helping people. Also, I enjoy giving gifts. And no, not because I’m manipulating them or expecting something in return. Also, I have gotten good at dealing with people. When I realise being logical is not helping somebody I care about, I’m more than capable of giving moral support. (Some would consider that Fe behaviour).

-I am incredibly polite. Oh, how many times have people asked me if I’m really an ENTJ because I’m so ‘nice’ (while there are people who find it incredibly suspicious that I am, especially because I’m an ENTJ). I don’t steam-roll, or snap at anybody (I leave that to my Fi-dom mates who let their personal feelings seep into work, with their inferior Te tantrums). If I’m upset, I’ll usually not say anything.

-I tend to want to be left alone. I over-use Ni. In general, though, I’m an introvert (despite a dominant extroverted function). As much as I enjoy going out, dressing up well, or indulging in discussions (“No, I’m not angry”), I prefer to be alone for most of my time.

-I’m definitely not your stereotypical ENTJ who is quick on his feet. I need time to think things through.

All right, that should do.

I’m sure I’ve barely scratched the surface. I’m also sure that there will be plenty who will not show these behaviours.

On an ending note: We must strive not to find the perfect box to fit in, we must strive to step outside the box.

MBTI is an instrument. Use it well.

Good day, and have a spectacular week.

-Lex.

P.S.: Thank you, Charity, for being a part of my process in figuring out my type; also, your blog has contributed to exactly that in a significant way.

[stgiuseppe]

out

here’s something from the WIP novel i worked on during camp nanowrimo. working title is ‘out’

Am I gay?

The question plagues me all summer. It follows me around, hovering like a second mother; insistent, omnipresent. The heat descends on us like a blanket thrown on a bed: stifling, and all at once, we begin to sweat. The morning air, no matter how early, loses its briskness. There is no escape from the dust.

There is no escape from the question. Am I gay? It haunts me. I'm not used to being on this side of the fence; usually, it's I who am the ghost. It's me doing the haunting.

I take up marketing classes on my father's recommendation. The place is not too far from home, located on the other side of a busy intersection, across from a building that used to house a Big Bazaar. The supermarket has long since been relocated, but if you get into a rickshaw and say Big Bazaar, Fatima Nagar wala, he'll know where to take you. I ride my mother's old scooty to the classes: Monday, Wednesday and Friday, half seven till half nine in the evening. I don't have a license, but that kind of stuff doesn't really matter here.

I'm the only girl enrolled in the classes. Exciting, Bhaskar says, when I tell him, but I find it more a cause for relief. Not that I say it out loud.

I go jogging with Bhaskar every Saturday morning at the race course, and in the rest of the time I have tuition, and homework, and too many tv shows to catch up on, too many books to read. I have choir practices, and church obligations, and the occasional dinner with my cousins. The rest of March slips away. Bhaskar and I make plans to go to Mahabaleshwar for a weekend, plans that my parent quickly obliterate. Never mind that he is nineteen now, and I seventeen; in their eyes we are still kids, and prone to making stupid mistakes when not supervised by adults at all times. Then April slips away, too, and Anjana returns from West Bengal with significantly less fanfare than I had anticipated.

I come back from marketing one Thursday, park my scooty behind our car in the parking lot, take off my scarf and stuff it into my backpack. I go into the lobby and call for the lift, and there she is.

"Hi, Liv," she says, warmly. She smiles at me, wide and familiar.

"Anjana," I say, surprised. "When did you get back?"

Last night, she tells me. How was West Bengal? Hot, and humid beyond belief; Goa would have been much better.  How is your family? Happy to see me after so long, although no one will shut up about how much weight I've put on. You've put on weight? Don't be stupid, Liv, of course I have.

The lift stops at the fourth floor and she moves to go out. "Do you want to go running with us?" I blurt out, before I can stop myself. "Bhaskar and I. At the race course. Saturday morning."

She stills, turns to look at me. "What time?" she asks.

"Half six." I wince. "I can wake you up, if you--"

"No, that's fine. I'll be up."

"We can go together, on my scooty." It's Mum's scooty, and she knows that.

"Okay," she says, and smiles. Soft and cautious. "See you, then."

"See you." I let the lift doors close behind her, and press the button to the fifth floor. My fingers are shaking, and I press them into my cheeks and take a deep breath. Then I take another, and another, and another.

No other moment from that summer stands out to me more than this.

We are in bed, Jasmine and I, tucked in with our separate comforters and the air conditioning turned to a perfect eighteen degrees. It's the middle of the summer, and we've had a long and tiring day of swimming, reading, and otherwise doing a whole load of nothing. I'm not even close to falling asleep, counting the glo-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling that we'd pasted when we were kids, back when summers were pleasant months filled with picnics and beaches, not what they have become now - sweltering, stifling.

Her question, when she asks it, takes me by surprise.

"Didi," she begins, soft as anything. I wait for her to continue, and when she doesn't immediately, presume that she's just talking in her sleep.

"Didi," she says again, and this time I twist to look at her in the darkness. Her eyes are wide open, trained on the ceiling. "Have you ever liked a boy before?"

Her lips, when they form the words, move gently. She's only thirteen. My heart hammers in my chest, tripping over itself, and it takes me a little longer than a minute to realise that my stomach is flooded with fear. I'm afraid I've been caught out.

Are you gay? My traitor of a brain asks me again, for what must be the umpteenth time just that day.

No, I think fiercely. To either of the questions. To both.

"You're only thirteen," I whisper back to her, a statement that neither answers nor ignores. I feel her twitch beside me, as if she's flinched from an invisible blow. "Go to sleep," I say, and turn away.

[ceasedtimea]

Could you explain why you sorted Phoebe in Hufflepuff (as most do in Gryffindor or Slytherin) and Piper in Gryffindor (as most do in Hufflepuff) because I really like the way you sorted them!

BASED ON THIS POST ABOUT CHARMED SORTING.

oh man, i know they do, and it always confuses me, because it’s so not that way at all? i don’t know, perhaps i’m a nerd and people tend to use stereotypes so religiously when sorting, and i’m guessing that’s the way it is here with piper being family oriented, and phoebe being so out there, but it’s not the way i see it. when sorting someone, you always need to remember not just what someone’s personality is, but values as well, but in this case i think people just mix it up.

LET’S START WITH PIPER.

so, i am assuming piper’s case is very much focused on her early seasons, and the fact that she’s extremely family oriented. i will not take away the fact she’s a hard worker, because she is, but you have to remember neither of the houses holds monopoly on either of the traits.

see, the thing with piper is that she has and has always had a fiery temper. and temper is not at all a leading trait in housing, but i think it plays a very big part when it comes to her. because piper’s temper is the key. see, just take a look at her powers, because powers are very tied to what kind of person you are. for example, phoebe’s very spiritual and empathetic naturally, so it’s clear she’s a psychic. both prue and paige are thinkers, so their powers are tied to their minds. piper’s powers are the only ones tied to her instincts as opposed to her mind (as they are based on molecules and not mind energy).

and that’s a clear indication piper often times prefers brawns. she’s not stupid, not at all. she’s very bright and can be rather cunning, and yet she often times allows her temper to be lost, allows herself to act first and think later. and that’s such a gryffindor thing. bravery is of course quite clear here as well, all of them are brave, but that alone is such a clear reasoning of why she should be a gryffindor.

not to mention, piper is prone to be rather self-righteous, she’s prone to be a little over the top, even about things such as demon hunting. gryffindors are noble, but they are actually so rarely your knights in shining armour. the attitude is do what you think is right and damn the consequences, and that’s often how piper operates. but with that attitude, gryffindors can allow some collateral damage and don’t always do with authority, and piper gets to that level. can’t say she’s very fond of the elders for example, is she?

not to mention, another gryffindor trait is that she sets standards high for herself, she follows this strong moral code, and if someone, even someone she loves, strays from it, she has a hard time of letting it go. she forgives, of course, because she loves fiercely and is really protective, and family oriented, but she never forgets. it was that way with phoebe, and it was that way with wyatt too.

NOW MOVING ON TO PHOEBE.

so, she’s also quite clearly a hufflepuff to me. and i get why people might put her in gryffindor, because she’s zealous, and brave, and often times noble, but i think it strongly differs with what she values the most, and what she stands for as a person. so, hear me out.

phoebe starts off as someone who’s rather tumultuous and troubled, who’s seeking a change and trying to find herself, and find her way back towards her family. she changes the most out of all of them throughout the entirety of the series, i think, and all of her changes come through setting a clear go and working hard towards it.

now, that alone is such a hufflepuff trait. sure, it is ambition. again, none of the houses hold monopoly for that. just because she turned evil and turned back doesn’t make her automatically a slytherin either. but the thing is........ she was excited to be a witch, so she spent nights and upon nights and learned the book by heart. she wanted to go back to college, so she did and worked hard against all odds such as demons, and got a degree. she had an opportunity to become a journalist, and she worked her ass off, and soon became quite a popular person in san francisco.

and she was very patient, and she was very forgiving. she’s made a lot of mistakes, and it’s just partially why she was always willing to give the most chances to everyone. she was the one who accepted paige right away, not piper. she was the one who forgave cole until she no longer could. she was the one who spent so much time with billie and then forgave her first after everything that happened.

she was loyal to a fault, and family oriented, and rather impartial in that. family was family and that was it. when piper had a hard time letting go her baby son turned evil in the future, phoebe never lost faith. she never gave up, and that is such a hufflepuff thing to me.

not to mention, not to be a cliche, but she’s an extremely good finder? she found the book of shadows first, she learned many secrets first despite being a terrible liar (like chris’ true identity).

phoebe is very much a hufflepuff, as much as piper is very much a gryffindor in my opinion, so there you go.

[tellerford13]

MO ASTOR- CHAPTER 22

We don’t own the bikes, brothers, or any “related” Sons of Anarchy, trust us, if we did we wouldn’t have the time to write. No money is being made from our stories. So, please don’t sue. It’d be a fruitless endeavor indeed. That being said, Harley, Journee, and any other newbies are ours, and we don’t share. :Whispers in creepy voice: “My precious.” The universe This reality is a mix of cannon, and our own ideas. We strive to keep the boys cannon, but since we will be shifting around some of the events, that will reflect in our writing and their personalities as well. It’s our goal to provide you with quality fiction, and solid, fleshed out OFC. We appreciate constructive criticism and love LOVE reviews, they are a writers life blood and definitely help encourage us and inspire us. We will be posting on our Tumblr where we’ll have fun pictures from time to time as well. http://tellerford13.tumblr.com We’ll also be taking requests for one shots, preferences or imagines for all things Sons at our other Tumblr, so check it out and send your thoughts!http://tellerford13oneshots.tumblr.com/ And just for fun, we’ve decided to start a Pinterest for the story! So if you want a glimpse at our girls and see into our world, check it out! https://www.pinterest.com/tellerford/

                                                        A/N: 

Surprise! A huge thanks to all who’ve sent us amazing reviews and comments. You truly keep the muse happy. Again an early Valentine ’s Day to you. <3 We hope you’re enjoying the one on one time with our couples.

                                           Mo Astor Chapter 22

Lee

The sound of the phone makes me grunt. I glance over and realize it’s still dark out.

“Who the fuck is calling you at three in the morning?” Jax groans. He reaches over me and picks up the vibrating menace off the night stand. “Oh shit.” He chuckles. “Baby J! How the hell are you?”

I sit up, instantly awake. “Give me the phone.”

“No, I want to talk to her,” he says turning his back.  “Are you having fun? Yeah? Can you even walk.” He barks a laugh. “What? It’s a legitimate question. I’m concerned for your well-being. He treating you good? Is his family?” He huffs. “Cause it’s my job Baby J. Says the piece of slip Ma signed when Sugar went to jail for two years. This shit is official. I’m the big brother.”

I shake my head and wipe away the sleep from my eyes. He loves to pull out the paper issue. It’s his ace in the hole. I remember one time when Journee had been hurt and was in the hospital he’d nearly taken someone’s head off when they told him, family only. The staff never made that mistake again.

“Yeah. She’s here. …Good.” His voice changes. It’s softer and less confident. “Yeah, I’m glad too. Shut up J.”

I laugh. The infamous I’m just saying has been followed by Shut up J for as long as I can remember.

“Here. Talk to your sister,” he says thrusting the phone at me.

Her giggles sound in my ear.

“You sound happy.”

She sighs. “I am. You sound sleepy. Did I interrupt play time?”

I snicker. “No, that was before. I mean why do you think we’re exhausted?”

She laughs. “Seriously, though, it’s been good?”

“Oh yeah,” I sneak a look at Jax who I know is listening to every word despite his prone position.

“Ugh, he’s there creeping on our convo isn’t he?”

“You know it.”

“Just like when were in high school. We should make him worry.”

“You’re so evil.”

“It’s why you love me so much isn’t it?”

“One of the many reasons why my love. How’s the honey moooon?” I sing the last part in a high pitch voice, and we both laugh. I can’t believe my best friend is a married woman.

“It’s a dream I don’t want to wake up from. The place we stayed in was right out of a Jane Austen book. I mean the hotel details, rich green velvet canopy over the four-poster bed, and a bathroom to die for. I mean the claw-footed bath tub had silver legs!”

“Holy crap, Hubby went all out.”

“Umm yeah, in more ways than one.  The Kitty has been used and abused on a daily basis.”

“OI. I took care of it after every time.” Chibs’ Scottish brogue chimes in over the line.

“I was getting there, Daddy. I never said I didn’t enjoy it either,” She says in a coquettish tone that makes me laugh.

“He’s carried me to warm salt filled sweet scented baths nearly every day. How he expects me to return to everyday life after this, I do not know.”

“I’ll do it every day if you want,” Chibs says from the background.

“Um no I already have a hitch in my giddy up, thank you.”

“You guys are so damn adorable,” I say unable to keep from smiling.

“I want to know about you two! I wait my entire life for this shit to happen and it all goes down, and I leave. How fair is that?”

I picture her full lower lip poked out and her eyes wide.

“You know I’ll give you the play by play.”

“You’d better.”

“How’s his family?”

“Great, Hey I’m an Aunt now. Padric is my nephew.”

“Oh is he cute?”

She laughs. “He’s just five years younger, so I don’t know if that’s the word I’d use.”

“Hah, your son is only a couple years younger, so it’s clear you’ll have an unconventional family.”

“Ain’t that the truth? I love him. He reminds me of Chibs, and his sister is really cool too. She gave us a baby blanket!”

“Something you want to tell me there Journee?”

“Noo. Not that kind. This is a handmade quilt. It’s a family tradition. Family lore has it, you’ll conceive as long as you’re under the blanket.”

“Aahhh babe. That’s really sweet.”

“Right? I’m sorry to call you so late. I forgot about the time difference. I just realized I hadn’t talked to you in nearly four days and had a mini panic attack.”

“It’s okay we know you’ve been busy.”

“Yes, but the question is, have you?”

“Dirty girl.”

“So that’s a yes.”

“That’s a hell yes,” I say excited about the news I have to share. This feels better than anything I ever hoped for. Kick was a close second. I could’ve been content with him for the rest of my life, but Jax…Jax makes me happy in a way I never thought possible. I want to spill my guts to Journee right now, but I can’t.

“I’ll ask a question, and you say yes or no.”

“Okay.”

“Am I the only one still limping?”

I choke on my laughter. “Nu-uh.”

“Good, you wench. I was mortified at the second wedding until I saw you come hobbling along. You can’t leave me alone in this.”

“You’ll get used to it, I promise,” I assure her.

“Is it the best?”

“Oh yeah, for a bunch of different reasons.”

“I knew it!”

“Is this a fact check or a conversation Detective Telford?”

“Both.”

“At least you’re honest.”

“Shut up. You’re dying to give up the info. Stupid head is the one preventing our talk-a-thon.”

“It’s so true.”

“First thing when I come back?”

“You know it, babe.”

“I miss you,” she says.

I sigh. “I miss you too my friend.”

“Daddy’s looking impatient. I should go now.”

“I didn’t say a word.” Chibs adds.

“Wasn’t your mouth that was looking impatient.”

I laugh. “Okay, Mrs. Telford. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Love you.”

“Love you more,” I say as we disconnect.

“Baby J sounds really fucking happy,” Jax says.

“I know, she deserves it.”

“They both do,” He agrees.

“Well since we’re up,” Jax says as he rolls me onto my back and sets the phone on the nightstand.

“You want to play twenty-one questions?” I tease.

He parts my legs with his knee.

“Yeah, I do. Starting with, how does this feel?” He sucks the skin on my neck into his mouth, and I moan.

“It’s okay.”

His chuckle vibrates against my skin, and he nudges my core with his knee. “How ‘bout this?” he asks as I roll my hips, seeking the friction.

“Warmer.”

He runs a hand down my body and parts my slick lips. He circles my entrance once, and I’m lost. I shudder as he eases two fingers in and starts a rhythm I can’t help but follow.

“Jax,” I whine, needing more.

“Ask me for it baby.”

“I need you inside me now.”

He drives home, and I gasp as he fills me to the brim. I dig my nails into his shoulder and raise my hips. I flex around him and whimper as he hits the right spot inside me. Our bodies come together as he bottoms out over and over, tapping that spot that has me shaking and breathless.

“Oh, Jax.”

“So damn right. Jesus, Lee.” He growls as he moves faster and faster. The bed post taps the wall, and my lungs threaten to give as I bounce between screams and moans.

“So good.” I’m chanting as my heart beats so fast I struggle to suck down enough oxygen and my entire body tenses as I crest the wave. He thrusts home once more, and I shatter, shaking as I cream on his thickness. He grunts and bites my shoulder as he fucks me through my orgasm before he releases inside me.

***

Journee

I’m sad to say goodbye to Padric and Greer. They grew on me quickly. With their quick tongues, teasing manner, and familiar features, it’s easy to feel as if I’ve known them for a lifetime. This was about more than a family reunion. My old man was making his peace with his past, and it was a beautiful thing. I swear years have lifted off him. He’s more relaxed than I’ve ever seen him be as we drive away from the quaint village.

“Did you have a good time love?” he asks.

“I did. I hope Kerrianne likes our presents.” Together we’d picked out a leather bound journal, and a pretty lace dress.

“I think she will. It’s the thought that counts. Being able to have a way to communicate with her is more than I ever dared hope for in me lifetime. All this time I worried she’d thought I’d forgotten about her.”

“I think she knows better than that, Filip. Fiona might be sleeping with the enemy, but Kerrianne is surrounded by those who love and know you. They’d tell her the way of things.”

“You don’t know the power Jimmy O has over people. He’d make a man turn against his own mother if it pleased him. All to avoid his wrath. The man is the devil incarnate. I’ve seen many things in my life, but ne’er was there a man so evil as this one.”

The words send a chill through my bones. He reaches across the car and takes my hand. “But you don’t have to worry about him, love. I’ll kill him with me bare hands before I let him breathe the same air as you.”

I lean over and kiss his cheek, humbled by his words. I’m used to fighting. The only girl surrounded by men I had to fight to be heard, fight to do what I want and fight to be seen as more than a pretty piece of ass and the fastest way to climb your way up the GB ladder. It’s why I never dated in-house. Being the princess puts a target on your back. I wanted to be loved for me, not what an association with me would bring them. Of course, that was only for those brave enough to stand up to my father which was few and far in-between. Menace is not a man to be fucked with.

He taught me how to bid my time, protect myself, and unleash the primal warrior inside of me. I often wondered if I was a disappointment. I don’t have the boisterous countenance of both my parents. I like to sit back and exam people. I loosen up after a bit, but I don’t trust easily or take to many right off the bat. That’s what happens when you see the worst people have to offer too much. My father is the equalizer. I know better than most the evil men can do, and how fast some can turn. It’s why Lee, Jax, and I are so close. Regardless of the petty fights and growing pains, we’ve always had one another’s backs. There’s power in that.

There were times when I felt like they were the only ones I could count on to remain. I dated, but it never panned out or failed to launch altogether. We grew up together, the four of us. I had the biggest crush on Opie. I mean how could I not? The gentle giant had a sweet streak in him, and he always protected me. When we kissed my freshman year, I swore I saw stars. We were on the cusp of something when his bitch of a mother made him leave. I knew he’d be back, so I waited, pined, and planned out life out in my head. Only, he returned with another name on his lips, Donna. The embarrassment and shame singed me as surely as a flame.

I went internal. Then Chibs showed up, and a mysterious man with healing scars, dark countenance, and accent. I have a way with healing. It’s not unusual for me to patch the brothers. Hell, in another life, I might’ve been a nurse. These are things I learned from my mother.  Somewhere between tending him and crushing in my quiet way, we came to an understanding. He tolerated me, taught me things about cars, and I found a way to get over the perceived rejection from the man I once idolized. The man who pulled away from the close-knit group cultivated since we were kids.

Right now with my heart full and my future bright, I couldn’t be more grateful for the way things turned out. A few months earlier I wouldn’t have said that. I’d begun to wonder if perhaps there was something wrong with me. If maybe Kyle had been right. The funny thing about verbal abuse is, it ramps up. It never happens from the start. It creeps in like a fungus until it attaches itself to your psyche and begins to grow. Then it’s a part of you, and getting rid of it is a bitch. Because once you clear yourself off and it gets dark and cold again, it resurfaces, and the cleansing process begins all over again. It’s different with my husband. He makes me feel like I am enough.

We left early, so I know he has something else planned for the day.

“Is this the way we came?”

“No, we’re going back to a different location love. I would never forgive myself If I didn’t take you here before we went home.”

“Is it the reason why you chose my dress today?” I ask.

“Aye.”

He was almost bashful as he set out the lacey off white dress with a ruffled top, ruffled layers, and a slight train. I thought it was a bit fancy. Especially when he insisted I wear a floral crown headband around my hair, but he asks me for so little I complied with a smile and no questions. I pull the light weight heather gray shawl closer as the air begins to warm with the day and the sun. I’m excited to see where he’ll lead. He returns with our bags, a wide smile, and a bouquet of peach colored Gerber daisies and white flowers.

“Oh my God, they’re beautiful. You didn’t have to get me anything,” I say as my cheeks heat.

“Aye, I did. I aim to spoil you.” He hands them over with a sweet kiss, and I swear I fall even deeper in love with him. I place them in my lap, take a picture and send it to Lee with the text.

Just because flowers. I have the best husband in the world.

As we drive the countryside changes and begins to yield to a dazzling display of picturesque water surrounded by green land reflected in the waters like a mirror.

“That’s the Loch.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“Aye. Wait to you see where we’re staying.”

We pull up to the white building nestled among the rolling green hills, and I swear I’m in a dream. This is the stuff of legends. I expect a unicorn to come prancing down to greet us any moment.

“Do you like it?” he asks quietly.  “I know it’s a lot smaller than the last hotel. But it’s got so much character.”

“I love it. It’s perfect.”

He smiles, and the uncertainty is swept away. “We need to get checked in if we’re going to make our boat ride.”

I scramble out of the car, and he laughs. I suddenly understand why he wanted me to wear this dress. It fits perfectly with the landscape. I turn, taking it all in. The click of a shutter draws my attention.

“Pose for me, my bonnie lass. I want to remember you here forever.”

***

Lee

I frown. It’s too quiet. I’m not used to the lack of noise. Usually, if I’m not working, I’m at the clubhouse, out with Journee, or at least talking to her on the phone. It was a slow day at the office, and I’m all caught up on projects. I flick through the channels and settle on The Fast and The Furious. The sound of a bike in the driveway perks me up. Jax! I slip off the couch and hurry to the front door. I peer out and find myself surprised. Tig? This could be a good thing, or a bad thing depending on his mood. I’m always happy to see him, but those nights when he needs me to pull him back from the edge, sadden me. He suffers for what he does to keep the club safe, but most will never know it.

I open the door.

“Hey, Doll.”

“Hey Tiggy. What’s going on?”

“Needed some quiet, ya know?”

I nod my head. There are times when the boys want a break from it all. My house is always open to them for that reason. It’s why I don’t downsize to an apartment.

“Come on in. You have perfect timing. I was just thinking it was too quiet.”

“Yeah? You missing wifey?”

“Big time. You missing hubby?”

He laughs. “Yeah I do. It’s too quiet without that Scottish fucker around.” We head inside, and I plop on the couch. He lands beside me and wraps an arm around my shoulders. His warmth and scent are familiar, and I’m lulled into a relaxed state.

“So where’s pretty boy?” I shrug. “In his skin?”

“You ain’t worried at all?”

“No, I trust him.”

He grunts, scowling.

“Why don’t you say whatever you have on your mind Tiggy.”

“Just not sold on this one, baby doll. The boy gets around and breaks hearts. Hell, look at Wendy. She didn’t deserve what he did to her. All she ever did was love him. And I ain't one to be soft on broads. She has her problems, but she never did wrong by him.”

“I know. And I don’t approve of how that went down, but it’s got nothing to do with the two of us. Tell me you didn’t think this might happen one day.”

“A long time ago when you were younger, yes. Now…not so much.” He shakes his head. “I don’t want to see you hurt, or be put at odds with my brother. If he does wrong by you, there’s going to be problems.”

“He won’t.” As I say it, I realize I believe it wholeheartedly. “If I thought he would, we never would’ve happened.”

He sighs.

“People change. You know that.”

“Yeah. I’m watching him.”

“Wouldn’t expect anything different Papa bear,” I say as he chuckles. “Is that the only reason why you came over?”

“No. The brothers were getting on my nerves. Needed a break.”

“Then hang out here with me for a while and watch some TV.”

“What is this crap?” he asks.

“The Fast and the Furious?”

“Crappy rice burners? Really Doll? Thought you had better taste than that.”

“Shut up. I like this series.”

He rolls his eyes but settles in and goes quiet. It’s nice to get some quality time in with the man who I think of as my Pops.

We end up ordering pizza and cracking open the six pack in my fridge. After the torture of The Fast and the Furious, he makes me watch Harley Davidson and the Marlboro man for the millionth time. It’s endearing the way some things never change.

“I don’t know why you love that movie so much,” I say as I roll my eyes.

“Are you kidding me? It’s a classic.”

“Yeah, because they didn’t know any better.”

He holds his hands over his heart. “You’re wounding me here.”

Another bike pulls into the driveway.

“And that’s my cue.”

“What, you can’t be in the same room with us?”

“I’m not ready to watch the two of you suck face.” He shudders. “Thanks for the break.” He leans forward kisses my forehead and stands.

“Anytime, old man.”

He winks and heads to the door. I hear a muffled conversation with the voice I recognize as Jax, and a few minutes later he walks inside.

“Looks like I’m late to the party.”

“Nah just hanging out with my Pop.”

He nods his head. “Still weird to see Tig in a different light.”

“Yeah, well get used to it cause he’s always going to be around.”

“I hear you loud and clear.”

I relax. “Good.” It’s not secret the two of them have issues. He’s Clay’s boy through and through, and Jax represents the new change coming for the gavel. To say it caused friction is putting it lightly. I hope for my sake they can learn to play nice when I’m around at least. “I know there’s no love lost between the two of you, but he means a lot to me. He’s always been there when I needed him, and I want you to work on getting along.”

“That’s a lot to ask. We got a history of butting heads. Look I don’t think he’s a bad guy, we’re just after two completely different things when it comes to the club. Makes shit tense.”

“Maybe you should try harder to get him to see your side instead of baiting him. He’s smart. You show him why and it’s legit…He might surprise you by getting on board.”

“Naw, he’s blinded by Clay.”

“So make him see the light.” I insist.

He sighs. “Maybe. Enough about Tig. I came here to be with you.”

He wraps his arms around me and leans in for a sweet kiss.

I let the moment pass for now, but I’m nowhere near done working on him.

***

Journee

The night before we leave we’re in Galloway.

“I know you Chibs, what’s the reason for this being our last stop?”

He glances at the sky. “You’ll see soon enough. It’ll bring us back to the start.”

I tilt my head and ignore the temptation of checking my phone. “Come on, love.  It’ll get a bit chilly tonight. We need to change into something warmer.”

Back at our room, I slip into comfortable black leggings, gray boot socks, with brown boots we bought here and a warm emerald green sweater I’d fallen in love with. As we make our way outside the hotel with a flask of something to warm us up I tilt my head back and gasp.  The stars overhead are so close I swear I could touch them.

“Surprise.”

I turn to him and smile. “It did all start under the stars didn’t it?”

“Aye with a bold little minx who kissed me first to my shock and delight.”

I laugh. Only Chibs could pull off that word and be so damn rugged and sexy.

“Come on, the view from the observatory is like nowhere else in the world.” He slings two blankets over his shoulder, grabs a flashlight and offers me his arm.

I wrap my arms around his as we make our way from the hotel. It’s beautiful here, quiet, clean, and fresh in a way California could never be. I’d never been too far from my home, so this is mind-blowing. I inhale the cool air and soak up the experience.

“Do you know why the stars are so vivid love?”

“No.”

“Because Scotland enjoys some of the darkest skies in Europe. It gives them a background to really shine against.”

“Oh.”

We find a spot, and he puts down a blanket. We lay on our backs, and he covers us with the other one. I gaze up at the sky, enchanted by the diamond dotted velvet canvas. The beauty steals my breath. On the edges, I see what looks like a rainbow. Brilliant violet reds, and greenish yellows encompass the area. “Oh. Oh, my God. Is that what I think it is?” My voice trembles and my eyes fill with tears at the stunning display before us. The lights dance and glimmer, like fairies come out to play.  

“Aye, the Northern lights. I was hoping she’d show herself to us tonight. If you took all those stars in the sky and added them into one blazing ball of light, it might come close to the way I feel about you.”

“Oh, Filip.” I turn toward him, and our lips meet. I taste forever on his tongue, an eternity in the shape and feel of his lips. I cup his face, tracing the memorizes planes and the scar tissue.

“Can I have you here, Lennan? With the stars as our witnesses?”

“I am yours anytime any place, my love.”

“You do things to me heart that should be illegal, little lass.”

We fumble with belts, buttons and tights until he’s buried inside me. Pinned by his weight and the tights and boots around my legs, I can only take everything he offers. My breath stutters in my lungs as I watch the sky move above me. The old magic of this land and the man from it inhabits me. I say a prayer to keep this man forever, and I swear I feel an answer in my bones. As I fall to pieces and he fills me to the brim, I know I’ve been granted my wish.

I urge you to watch this video, so you can get the full experience of this scene. https://www.visitscotland.com/see-do/landscapes-nature/dark-sky-parks-sites/#&gid=1videoitems&pid=1

[midnightmilkbar]

Catching my breath after Trail 1

I just ran my first trail race- it was 6.3km, a baby run by many standards, but A BIG BLOODY THING by mine. I have my sights set on bigger things, and these are some things I am learning along the way...

1. LET IT GO.

I am an over-thinker. Not just the slightly neurotic, likes-a-routine kind of over-thinker. I plan what lane I’m going to need to be in on the highway about 7 kilometres in advance. This over-thinking is one of the reasons why I get anxious, and also why people do that eye-widening “yikes” face around me sometimes- I tend to sweat the small stuff. I’m working on it. Anyway, one of the greatest lessons I’m learning from running, is to LET THINGS GO. As my first trail race approached, I started over-thinking about how to prepare for it. I planned my week’s runs accordingly, deciding to take a full rest day two days before, but to do a gentle Park Run on the morning before the race. I told myself I would jog and walk the 5km, saving my strength and my legs for the following day.

The morning of the Park Run, I lazily asked Callum to drop me off at the start line, rather than walk there myself. As we approached, we noticed that the usually clear Saturday morning roads were jam-packed with cars, and some were entirely closed off. I started to panic, realising that I wouldn’t get to the start line for 8am. I leapt out of the car, deciding wildly to run there, dodging in and out of the traffic and pelting down the road to the trail route, which was about a kilometre and a half away. About 3 minutes in, my legs were protesting- I wasn’t used to road running, and the impact was already being felt in my calves. I soon became tired, and felt as if I was going nowhere. I looked at my watch, realised I wouldn’t make it, and actually started to cry.

People passing me in their cars would have seen a very sad, crazed person, muttering expletives and desperately trying to puff past other, serene-looking Saturday morning joggers in a mad attempt to make it to a Park Run. I arrived as the back of the pack was just moving off from the start line, with burning calves and a face like a beetroot.

Why was I behaving like a lunatic?

Because shit was NOT WORKING OUT. I had buggered up my plan. I had to now ‘go with the flow’- something I really, really struggle to do. I was over-tired, having run too fast, and my legs would be sore tomorrow- not at all what I had intended. I had to jog and walk haphazardly, because I was in amongst the walkers and pram-pushers. I had to watch the runners ahead of me looping back, running at the speed I was now used to achieving, and finishing in the times I was used to. I had to learn to stop being a baby- to enjoy going slowly, and to actually stop and walk properly. I had to remind myself that NO ONE CARED about what I was doing, except me. Absolutely no one gave a shit whether I beat my time this week, except me. No one was judging me because I had over-done it and had to walk- except me. 

When I finally got this into my  head, I felt very silly. And I let it go.

2. Be safe, don’t be stupid...

I’m very lucky that I live near a great running route, where there are always other people either running or walking their dogs- many of them are now so familiar to me that we stop and have a chat. I am aware, though, that I am potentially vulnerable, and when I started running regularly, Callum pointed out that I should vary my route. It’s common sense- and it would be the same if I was running anywhere else, in South Africa or in England for that matter- if you run in the same place, at the same time, in a regular pattern, you could be noticed for the wrong reasons. Unless I’m running in an organised event, Simbira is always with me, and it does make me feel better to know that anyone who DOES notice me, notices my dog, who happens to look like a wolf and is never far from my side.

I also  just recently read about an app that allows your partner or friend to see where you are on your route, and enables you to press a quick panic button to contact them if something does happen while you’re running. Over-thinking again, perhaps... but it keeps Callum happier, anyway.

I have mentioned before that I like to listen to Harry Potter while I run. This is still the case (I’m now on The Order of the Phoenix, Ron just made Gryffindor goalkeeper) but I never run in an organised event with earphones in, and when I run alone, I either keep one ear open or keep the volume low. When there are 700 or more people running around you, and especially if it’s a trail run, you need to be able to hear what’s going on. I am accident-prone as it is, and spend enough of my time making sure I don’t fall over my own feet, without having to worry about other runners as well. During Sunday’s race, a friend was knocked to the ground because the man running in front of her had headphones on. He didn’t hear her cry out “passing on your right” and ploughed into her as she tried to run around him. It happened right in front of the finish line, and the highly irritating MC was kind enough to announce it on the microphone. I had to leap into the bushes on a number of occasions as faster runners came past on the single-track sections, and I would have either injured myself badly, or caused a pile-up, or just really pissed someone off, if I hadn’t heard them yell out that they were coming. 

3. You are not alone...

People are great. I knew that already, but it’s pretty cool to be reminded of it. Whether it’s boring you all by writing a blog, or posting pictures on Instagram, I made a decision early on that if I was going to do this, people were bloody well going to hear about it (sorry). My first trail race was made all the more wonderful because I had Callum and Kirsty at the finish line bearing gummy bears and huge, proud smiles. It was also made wonderful by the fact that other friends came to run it as well. My friend Lesley and I agreed that we wouldn’t try to run ‘together’ as trying to chat at the same time is just impossible (seriously, WHO is able to do that??) but it was incredibly helpful to be able to see her up ahead of me throughout the race. Going for a happy, yummy breakfast all together afterwards was also GREAT.

I have had some bizarre encounters with strangers since I started running, too. Not with scary would-be attackers, as suggested earlier, but harmless weirdos. There is one man at the Constantia Park Run who just wants to chat to EVERYONE. He says hi to every single person he passes during the run, which is a bit unnerving when you aren’t expecting it, and then afterwards he approaches anyone he can to have an in-depth discussion about the weather, his shoes, your favourite colour... whatever, really. It’s strangely comforting, especially when you’re out there on your own- and if I don’t feel like talking to him, I put Harry back on. 

4. Do a LITTLE bit of preparation...

There are some things that are worth over-thinking, as it turns out. I was particularly worried about my sleep the night before the trail race, and what time I would wake up- there is definitely some truth in needing to get some kind of routine sorted. I googled some yoga stretches to do beforehand (a few sun salutations are the BEST, they wake up every muscle you need) and did them rather self-consciously in the dark backyard at 5:15am, much to Simbira’s bemusement. I also read lots of articles that warned against eating or drinking anything for the first time on the day of a race- so I stuck to what I usually have. Terrified that my churning stomach would let me down, I took an unnecessary immodium before I left the house, packed eye drops and antihistamines in my bag and, at the last minute, grabbed a packet of painkillers. Just before the race, feeling very anxious about the twinges in my calves and the dull ache behind my eyes from lack of sleep, I tried to subtly pop a couple of the painkillers, thinking that if anyone saw me they’d know what a hopeless novice I was... Kirsty saw me, grinned and informed me that her boyfriend, a seasoned runner, had popped three painkillers AND an immodium that morning.

During the race itself, the one thing I really, really wished I had, was water. I have never needed it whilst running, as I am still only doing short distances and there has always been water available at the end, but it was bloody hot in Elgin and my mouth felt like it was lined with sandpaper for the entire 48 minutes (and for the rest of the day, actually). I tried sucking on a couple of gummy bears, which turned out to be a huge mistake as they stuck in my throat and I had to keep swallowing manically for about 2 kilometres. My next bit of kit will definitely involve something I can carry water in on the go (I’m playing it cool but I’m super excited about this).

[rendezvous-ramblings]

no i agree with everything you said. i realize that i overthink every word he says to me and i am aware that that isn't healthy. i always try to distract myself from thinking to much about him but i have to be honest here the second his name is mentioned or i see him i tend to be really excited and even a bit nervous. there was a time when you could really see that my mood depended on him and that was neither healthy for me nor for him and i try my best to change that every day. i am fifteen years old and in september i'm turning 16 which he knows too and told yesterday another favourite teacher of mine my birthdate lmao. to clarify i have never felt uncomfortable around him (except maybe for today, he was helping me for my upcoming physics test and he, i think, was trying to apologize to me because we had a fight yesterday about the paper that i'm doing on sexism in our school, but he was doing a terrible job at it so we had some awkward moments) and he really tries to be as private as he can be and not cross the line. we both try to do that but i know moments where we both crossed the line and that was really awkward, as an example, he once took me with him to the teachers lounge so i could talk to that other favourite teacher of mine and i at first was really confused on why he would do that and i noticed that other teachers were confused too. in his defence, i know he is a grown man, and he obviously isn't stupid, i really don't feel as if he knows that we cross the line sometimes. he is really nice and helpful to all of his students, and i think he doesn’t realize how close we are to one another. there was a time when he always came up to me during the class to ask me if i wanted to help him for the experiment that we did during the lesson, but the other students soon noticed that and started saying things like „oh of course it's always she that gets to help“ or „why does she get picked every time?“ and after that we never did an experiment in class or when we did one he did it alone. so i have to get him credit for that:) he truly is a kind human being and everyone at school wishes to have him as a teacher. (oh and the thing with him recalling our first ever lesson together is kind of an inside joke i think? i don't know i mean i told him once that he said last year that physics was basically just maths but 1000 times harder, and he was like „??you don't know the things we did last week but THAT you still somehow know and are angry with me for it“ and it was hilarious so he always tells me things i said during these 2 years and blames me for them) oh and btw i'm so thankful that you're so nice to me and try to give me the best advice you can. i really appreciate it!! i wish you all the best!! (&i hope if there are any grammar mistakes here that they don't bother you english is my fourth language so i always mix the grammar rules up in my head ahh!!!)

No need to apologize! It's amazing that you know four languages and I wish I did! We're all prone to mistakes and I know I make typos too even though English is one of my first languages. I understand everything you wrote perfectly fine!

Yes, you should definitely be careful for the sake of your reputation and his. Even though things are innocent other students might start rumors and not see it that way. His co-workers might become suspicious too and assume the worst case scenario if they notice too much preferential treatment. Unfortunately, there are actual incidents where these accusations and suspicions are proven true and the teacher is trying to make advances on their student (regardless if they are of age or not but either way it is still wrong!). If you feel like the lines are being too blurred and there are too many grey areas with your tc you have to take a step back. They should also know when to take a step back because their well meaning intentions are not public knowledge to everyone.

I've mentioned this on my blog before but towards the end of the year there was a day where all the seniors were dismissed early. I wanted to sneak back upstairs so I could help E pack up some things in his room for the end of the year. We also had this routine where we talk after school and I would walk with him to his parked car. The teachers did not have a parking lot so they had to park on the residential streets. E often parked in a spot that was in the direction of my walking route home anyway. E let me pass him and go into the staircase to get back up. He said he would meet me upstairs and if anybody asked I could just say I forgot something in the classroom. He was still chatting with some co-workers/seniors and was going to stay downstairs for just a few more minutes. Well, as I was waiting for him to come unlock his classroom door the librarian saw me and approached.

She asked why I was standing there because she knew I was a senior and I was meant to go home. I told her my excuse but she looked at me dead in the eye and sternly said "You seem like a nice girl. I wouldn't want anything to happen to you so you should go back downstairs." I was so anxious and stressed out! She outright accused E of having bad intentions without any evidence. I kept pacing back and forth in front of the school and had to wait another 20-30 minutes or so before I saw E come out with the co-workers in his department. I was scared to the point where I just ran up to him and said I had to urgently talk to him. His other co-workers just laughed it off because they always teased E about my massive crush on him (E told me this after I graduated). I told E everything that happened and quoted what the librarian said. He was so upset that she made that cryptic statement because he really respected her as a co-worker (obviously, he also thought she respected him and had a good opinion of him). He was also disappointed in himself for his lapse in judgment and how our friendship would be misinterpreted if he showed his favoritism too much.

Therefore, other students and teachers are quick to judge friendships between teachers and students of the opposite sex (especially if the teacher is male and the student is female). Society and people do perpetuate stereotypes based on the stories they tend to hear on the news of older men taking advantage of younger females. Therefore, it's understandable that some tcs don't want to get too close to their students or have to strictly maintain boundaries even for the students they have a soft spot for platonically. You also wouldn't want other jealous students to start bullying you or starting rumors amongst themselves.

At least you acknowledge the more unhealthy aspects of your crush on your tc and that's the first step towards improving your mindset to a more healthier one. Good luck! Feel free to keep me posted!

[ohh-kaye]

The End of a Student Nurse

April 27, 2016 | 10:23 pm

Tomorrow is Day 1 of placement. Holy crap.

Fortunately enough, I’m not too nervous. Maybe it’s because it hasn’t kicked in yet and I’ll probably have a mental breakdown tomorrow - a minute before I have to enter the ACUTE MEDICAL WARD. Remember this. After 3 years you will go back and remember this.

This is mostly because you’re sentimental and future you will want to remember this feeling of nerves and hopefully on that last day of placement, that feeling of ease and relief that you didn’t die on Day 1.

Okay. The ward. At this moment, all you know is the hospital name, ward and time of arrival. Add the theory and practicals from uni and all that leaves you with is inexperienced little me. I don’t even know what I’m bringing tomorrow. A notebook? Yes. A pen? Multi-coloured maybe. Name badge? Fob watch! Almost forgot. Lunch? I do not know. I’m probably going to kick myself tomorrow for forgetting something.

That’s fine, I guess. I just don’t want to look like an idiot tomorrow just trailing around the RN I’m assigned to and peeking over her shoulder while I intently listen to my first ever handover.

What if they say “Do you know how to do this?” and I say “Yes” and I perform it badly and they think I’m not competent enough.

I want to be better.

I know at first they’ll excuse me for making mistakes but what if I’m consistent?

I’m reading the Nursing Student Orientation booklet and it has this Glucose thing at the back and I can just picture me filling it out and having no clue what this all means.

I’m also simultaneously getting exhausted just thinking about my expectations for tomorrow but I know if I sleep now I’ll have 7 hours of sleep before I have to wake up at 6 am tomorrow and if I sleep later I’ll have 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1 and I’ll keep having this mentality until I pass out. Then I’ll get up and get ready. Wear my uniform for the second time (first time was for the bloody OSCE’s) ugh. Pack my things and go to ***** ****** ********.

I am a lot of things right now and ready is not one of them.

Send help.

I feel like one of the things keeping me going is the fact that in 24 hours I’ll be here - in the same spot reflecting on the day’s happenings and I’m excited for that.

I would like to know what happens tomorrow. I’m still not nervous though (usually if there are no nerves, I do something stupid on the day. BE WARNED).

I’ll try to write when I can after every placement or on momentous occasions (but knowing the profession I’m choosing, every occurrence will be a unique one) but if I don’t it’s either I’m lazy, tired, busy or dead.

So I’ll sleep early (lol no) and we’ll see what happens tomorrow.

Good luck.

November 29, 2018 | 2341

Hello there.

I don’t know what to say.

Actually... I have a lot of things to say but I don’t know where to start or which one I should say first.

Did you notice that I’m using military time now. You didn’t know this before but this is how we read time now. No more am’s or pm’s. Only because it’s easier and you’re less prone to make mistakes with the timing of... ANYTHING.

(i thought that was an interesting learning point)

3 years went by so fast.

In 4 months you will be an RN. Isn’t that crazy? Just 2 months ago you literally had to ask someone to swipe you into the drug room just to get saline. And then you’ll be given the responsibility to give people their medications.

DO YOU REALISE HOW FAR YOU’VE GONE?!

Let’s list where you’ve been, shall we?

1. Acute Medical Ward

2. Surgical Ward

3. Renal Dialysis Unit

4. Aged Care Unit

5. Acute Medical Ward (again)

6. General Medical Ward

7. Emergency Department

8. Paediatric Oncology Unit

9. Neurosurgical Ward

10. Technical Suites

You’ve been everywhere. Good for you.

You’ve been through a lot and I think you made the most out of it. And maybe you’re proud of yourself for sticking it through the end. Because that whole experience was a nightmare.

I’ll be honest with you though... you don’t want to do this anymore. 3 years just became too much and the best way I can describe it is that it sucked the life out of you.

I’m so sorry.

I wish it were a different outcome. I wished that when you reflected on this, you were sure that this was the path and you were so ready to jump into the medical field.

But you’re not.

You know you’re not.

I don’t think you would’ve anticipated this - like the feeling of wanting to die instead of going to the hospital for your shift or the feeling of wanting to die because you want to go home during your shift or the feeling of wanting to die because you don’t want to have to do it all over again tomorrow.

I can’t emphasise how horrible you felt during these 3 years and you’ve never ever experienced anxiety like that. Where you found yourself crying in the morning because you didn’t want to go to work. And having a full panic attack on the bus or the car while on the way to the hospital. And hiding in the toilets until you’re 5 minutes before your start time because you can’t bear to be on the floor or around your fellow colleagues.

Do you realise how weird it was that the first thing you need to find when you step into every new placement location were the toilets? I think it was because you needed an escape when you so desperately need it. And you’ve utilised it fully. I can’t count how many times you’ve gone to the toilet pretending to pee but you just stare at yourself in the mirror or sit on the toilet and trying to calm yourself down because “YOU’RE A FUCKING NURSE. GET YOURSELF TOGETHER YOU PIECE OF SHIT”.

But I digress.

You did learn quite a lot. For the most part you know what to do to not kill your patients. And that’s a good thing.

You found yourself thriving when you were by yourself and doing your own thing and nurses who worked with you complimented you on that. They said you were quiet a lot. I remember that very placement at 1D that a nurse said to you “You’re really quiet” to which another nurse responded “No, she’s just shy” to which you said “No, I’m just socially awkward”. They said it would go away but... it didn’t.

The main learning point they try to drill into me throughout the 3 years was that YOU NEED TO BE MORE CONFIDENT!

But I don’t think they get it.

My brain just tells me I’m stupid and worthless and I should probably just never speak. So I don’t. Because it’s comforting knowing that I’m not being judged if I say or do anything wrong because I’m not saying or doing anything.

I feel bad for everyone who tried to make me feel better by telling me that I’m doing a good job and that I’m by far the best student nurse they had. I think it’s because I was very agreeable and I did everything they wanted me to do and I was very insistent that I needed to keep doing something to help.

It wasn’t because I wanted to help.

It was because I hated feeling incompetent.

I know in my soul that I’m a horrible person and I’m a fake and I pretend to be another person when I’m on the floor and it’s only because I want to impress everyone.

I don’t actually want to be here.

I don’t want to help you.

But I have to because it’s my job.

And I feel uncomfortable saying that out loud because it’s not right to say it.

I’ve had multiple patients and nurses ask me “Why did you want to do nursing?” and I don’t know how to respond. Because how do you say “I actually don’t want to do this. I hate this job”.

So I give a fake smile and tell them in a chirpy voice “Because I like to help people. I’m passionate about this career”.

The amount of “socialising” you do in an 8-hour shift physically, mentally and emotionally exhausts you. And I think that’s why you’re miserable.

I don’t like people.

I don’t like helping people.

But I will.

And I’ll do a good job at it.

Even if it means sacrificing every drop of joy in your being.

Because there’s nothing else for you to do.

You’re stuck.

[dangerouscrusadefire-blog]

Car insurance?

"Car insurance?

how much would it cost for a 16 year old girl, honor student & drivers ed to start a plan by her self, or would it be cheaper to be added to my parents plan? aslo the car would be a madza 3. THANKS :)

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freecarinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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I was doing some research to buy my own car. I wanted either a 1976 dodge Monaco or a 1989 Chevy caprice. My question is, if I am 17 years old and I had this car, what is a rough estimate of how much my dads insurance will increase? I figure old cars and young drivers don't mix well but I need to know. Also, I have never gotten in any accident or received any tickets and I don't even remember the last time my parents crashed or got a ticket if that helps. Shanks""

Minor car accident (not at fault) - should I go to my insurance or small claims court?

I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice. Last week I was involved in a minor car accident. I was at a stop light and the car behind me decided they could not wait and they tried to get by my car to make a left turn. They did not have enough room and scraped against my car with theirs. No one was hurt and no police were called. We pulled over and I got their name, phone number and address. They did not give me their insurance information and said they'd like to settle outside insurance because there are only scratches. I know it was stupid but I said okay. Also I do not have the license plate number of the car. I thought I wrote it down but I did not (I understand this is a big mistake on my behalf). We made contact over phone throughout the week and discussed repairs but suddenly they stopped answering my calls. I believe they are avoiding me. Now I am at a loss of what to do. Should I take this issue up with my insurance (at the risk of raising my premiums) or should I take this to small claims court? In either case I do not have the car's license plate so if it isn't their car will that be insufficient evidence to prove they are at fault (my word against theirs)? Thank you in advance for all your answers.""

How much would motorcycle insurance cost for a 17 year old with a 01 Suzuki Katana 600 in Texas?

I am looking into getting one and want to know how much the insurance would cost.

Car Insurance Temporary Additional Driver???

I already have a car insurance policy with Churchill. I am doing a very long journey this weekend and want to Insure my boyfriend for 3 days to help me with the drive. Is it possible to put someone on an existing policy for 3 days?? I take it there would be a cost involved.

Teenager's auto insurance?

i'm 17 and will soon be recieving a car from my aunt. it's a '92 poniac bonneville se. i want to figure out some insurance rates but some of the information they are asking for i'm not comfortable putting on the internet (like my soc. number). are there any teen drivers or parents of teen drivers would would be willing to share their rates and companies with me?

Why is my mortgage company forcing me to buy insurance on my home?

what is homeowners insurance good for?

Where do you normally store your car insurance?

The dilemma: I've always wondered where one would have to store his car insurance and automobile registration in. Say you get into a car accident or a roadblock, you'd have to provide proof that the car that you're in is insured and belongs to you. However, putting your important documents in the glove compartment or even tucked away in the back trunk is always prone to break-ins. So the question is would it be better to keep it in the car or keep it the house (or bank, if you're that paranoid)?""

Affordable insurance for children in Texas?

Does any one know of any insurance for children living in Texas? I had medicaid for my children; but, got disqualified because of a vehicle that we recently purchased. Our income really stinks. But, we never thought that it would affect us. But the resources count against us.""

How high are my Insurance rates going to get up too?

I am 17 turning 18 and i am looking at getting a 2000 Pontiac trans am with 28,000 miles. how much do you think my monthly payments will be on that car at my age for full coverage? and i have been in a n accident in the winter i slid into a tree so how much do you think that will be? I have state farm. Thanks for any help you may have.""

I am Looking for Affordable Health Insurance Services in Illinois?

Hello, Friends, My Cousin and her husband are planning to shift in Illinois, in the next month. We required complete guideline regarding Health Insurance and missing open enrollment. Also, we need to find that if we are eligible for subsidy? Please help if anyone knows. It would be great full. Thank you :)""

""How much would the cost of a 2003 lincoln ls front bumper be, and where can I find a bumper?

2003 silver Lincoln LS. Only reliability insurance on the car.

Car insurance?

how much would it cost for a 16 year old girl, honor student & drivers ed to start a plan by her self, or would it be cheaper to be added to my parents plan? aslo the car would be a madza 3. THANKS :)

How much does it cost to live on your own in western Washington?

I am 20 yrs. old and it's just time to move out. I was wondering what all the expenses are that go into living on your own. Also I am attending communtiy college, and though it is paid for I will not be working full time so I will be living on a budget. I know the general cost of rent, car insurance, cell, gas but I really have no idea as far as food, utilies, cleaning supply, soaps, all those little thing you dont think about untill they add up. So in addtion to all that feel free to share some expenses that took you be surprise! Thanks everyone :)""

Will my insurance skyrocket after this ticket?

I got my first speeding ticket the other day.. 70 in a 50. I'm 20 and only a few months away from turning 21 (when rates go down a little). I know there are other things that factor in to this but how much can I expect my insurance rates to go up? Should I pay the court fines and just request supervision to keep it off of my record?

How much car insurance do I need?

I'm a graduate student that has little saved due to paying my way through college and I drive a 1997 Dodge intrepid, of which kelly has a personal value of around 1,500 and a sale by used car dealer at around 3,000. I was curious to have some opinions as to how much car insurance one things I should get? I'm going to school in illinois, but my true home is in indiana so I could claim either state (not that I've seen it make much of a difference). From what I have found 100/300/50 is recommended, but I'm more looking as to whether collision or comprehensive is even worth it at this point due to my car's value? I (knock on wood) haven't been in an car accident while driving and I am a safe driver that follows within 5 of the posted speed limits (unless traffic is going 20+over).""

Can I use my student loan to pay for a car insurance bill?

I recently took out a student loan, and after doing research on it, I saw that I can only use it for school-related activities/items, such as paying foor books, tuition, fees, computer, etc. I also have a car insurance bill that's $140 a month, and I took out the student loan mainly for that. Now for the $140 dollar question; Am I allowed to use my student loan money to pay for my car insurance bill? I ask that because technically I'd be paying for a school-related item, because I can't drive to school without paying for car insurance, since that'd be illegal. So does anyone know if I can do that without getting into trouble? Anyone who has hands-on experience, or is an expert on this kind of thing, and can answer this TONIGHT PREFERABLY would be greatly appreciated!!""

Insurance pricing difference with different car brands?

Hey there guys- Recently I have begun to look for a car (my first, as I am a new driver), and have a question for the more experienced. I have been looking at things like '04 Jettas, Audi A4's, Infiniti G35's, and the like. I understand that my age, gender (male), and lack of experience are going to directly affect the price of the insurance. But my question is, what will be the price difference between something like an '04 Volkswagen Jetta and an 04' Audi A4? Both seem to be in the same category of sedan, but I suppose Audis have a little more reputation for being sporty. Suppose there is not significant performance difference between the cars, they are both valued roughly the same, and have roughly the same mileage, what will the difference in insurance rates be and why? Is it possible to give me a rough idea of what I could expect? Thanks in advance!""

Got ticket for car insurance but have liability in my moms name?

Drove my moms car and officer gave me ticket for no car insurance even though I showed him one under my moms name can I show it in court and get it dismissed?

Car insurance - first time driver?

First time driver :) I'm 19 & female. I'm hopefully getting a car by the end of the year. So I was just checking the general insurance prices (I know they change regularly, but I just wanted to see) Anyway, I typed all my information, I was the main driver (I didn't put my parents down as additional drivers either) and the cheapest price was 694.94 - would that have been for the year? It was full comp too. It also had a total excess price, what does that mean? I'm really confused; I though first time drivers had high insurance?? Thanks! Also, I have a job so I will be paying for everything. Not my parents. I put in the quote that I had a full driving license, not provisional which I have. Just that I hadn't bought the car. I clicked on one of the quotes & it showed 11 monthly payments of 66.27 and the full total as 798.49 BQ: If I got my car within the next month; then asked my dad to teach me, would I then be able to take a couple lessons with an instructor before I took my test? Or would I need to have all my lessons with an instructor?""

Homeowner's and Auto Insurance?

We've been with Allstate for home and auto insurance for over 30 years, and they have recently starting screwing with us about renewing out Homeowner's insurance. We're pretty sure they are nitpicking about things because they are not writing new policies for Californians, but are keeping existing customers for now. Anyway, I went to the Auto Club this morning and got quotes from them for Home and Auto Insurance and their prices are much better than Allstate's. What I want to know is anyone's experience with AAA insurance. Are they a good company to insure with, any problems, etc? Thank you for any information you can provide.""

Wich car is cheaper for insurance?? 93 civic hb or 91 talon non turbo?

im 16 i would also like know how much cheaper sedans are on insurance than coupes.........and if hb are cheaper than coupes also thanks

How does life insurance work?

Hubby is getting a new job that may be a little bit dangerous and he'd be gone for weeks. I am not money hungry or wanting my best friend to die. I just want to have this insurance on him so if he were to accidently leave me with child and something happened to him, I want atleast funeral costs and my child to be taken care of too. I know I'm probably fretting too much but I can't convince him to not take the job. He's worth more than any amount of money. We're both in our twenties. I don't know how life insurance works.""

Where can I get affordable health insurance?

I am a full time college student, and my school offers insurance, but it is expensive. I need basic health care to cover doctors visits, specialist visits, and x rays. The main reason I need coverage is that my back is messed up from a car accident about a year and a half ago and I can't take the pain anymore. I went to my states website and the insurance they offer is currently not accepting applications. I have looked at tons of sites online, but so far am having no luck. Any advice would be appreciated.""

I don't have insurance but my parents do. Can I drive my parent's car without them present in the car?

Can I legally drive alone by myself as long as I have my parent's insurance card in the car? I just got my license and I don't plan on driving to work or school, rather just for miscellaneous activities. I don't feel like I should be paying for car insurance yet. If I get in an accident, wouldn't it just be as if my parent's got in the accident. So can I legally drive under my parent's insurance if my name has not been put on the plan as one of their children who drive. Is it OK for me to drive alone to run some errands now and then?""

What is the best web-site to get insurance leads from?

mostly health leads, but some life leads""

Insurance For Car (New Teen Boy Driver)?

Whats the cheapest way to insure a car while still getting great coverage in case of accidents. I'm getting my license soon and I was wondering whats the cheapest choices for insurance. I heard I can be placed under my parent's account? I also heard that if i pay insurance under my own thing its like 2000... I live in california and i have great grades (if that helps).any insight would be appreciated :)

Car insurance for a Ford Mustang GT?

I am saving up to buy a 2004 Ford Mustang GT for my 19th birthday. I have no wrecks or tickets on my record and have been to driving classes. How much would insurance be if 1) I had the car put under my parents name or 2) I had it put under my name only

How much will my auto insurance cost?

I just turned 16 a couple months ago and i already have my license, and i live in Colorado. My parents have State Farm auto insurance and they want me to pay for my own insurance when i get a car. I already know that you can get a bunch of discounts for things like getting good grades and attendence and safe driving and not driving your car to school, but anyways i was wondering how much it would cost me without any discounts? Like how much would it be every month or so? I do have a job but i dont know if i would have enough to pay for car insurance. Any help is needed! thank you!!!""

Insurance and tottalling cars.?

well my husband totaled our car and we havent done anything with the insurance people yet and im wondering are they going to cover losing our car if we have the lowest insurance on a car that we are still paying payments on??

Who will be responsible for my dad's car wreck/Will my insurance premium go up?

I let my mom borrow my car to get to work for about 6 months. I knew she had it, I never insured it and neither did she. My dad is abusive and tries to contol everyone and their possessions (my car, my apartment, my bf's car). He hit a local business and caused 15k of damage. He has never worked and my mom just recently started a job-I have had to work for everything in my life and I'm frustrated with always being taken advantage of. My dad was taken away from the scene in an ambulance, the owner's of the property he hit never received his name or contact info. Since the car is registered to me, am I liable? Although it was his accident, will my future car insurance premium go up because of this?""

Car insurance rates in Ontario for new driver?

I plan to import my '01 Camry from USA to missisuaga. How much shd I expect to pay p.m. in car Insurance rates ? I have 3 yrs clean driving history in USA.Will my driving history in USA help with getting a better rate in canada ? Initially I will have only a US drivers license.Pls help shed light on my doubts ..

Got in an accident with no collision on my car insurance?

I got in an accident at and intersection the other day. i was heading north ready to turn west(my left) at the intersection. the other driver was heading south with her left blinker on ready to turn east (her left). so when i saw her blinker o n i figured it was safe to take my turn now. but in the middle of my turn she decides to keep going straight rather than turning left like her blinker had indicated. therefore she hit me in my rear passenger side with her front passenger side. she did not have much damage. however my car is fairly warped up in the rear end. it may even be totaled although it is drivable. i am just waiting for the appraisal right now. when we began speaking to the cop i mentioned that she had her blinker on, but she denied this. i alerted my insurance company and they filed a claim. i heard from her insurance company and they sent me to get and appraisal. i sent the accident report to the police station the rmv and my insurance yesterday. I do have insurance but i have no collision so i am real scared that it they put me at fault for some reason that i may be in some deep water. i am almost sure the damage to my car is at least a $5,000 fix. what are the odd of them ruling it her fault? and what are the odds of them ruling it my fault? also...how do you think think my damage will be fixed or covered? any help is much appreciated! thx!""

What is the best car insurance for a teen driver?

I need to find insurance for myself, and wanted to know what other people use or think is the best place to get it from. I need to pay for it by myself with out help form my parents too so it can't be to expensive. Is it cheaper to get my own or to add me to their account? I am using one of their cars if that makes a diffrence...""

About how much will my insurance go up after my wreck?

The wreck was my fault, not much damage to my car, still runs perfectly, but the person that I ran into the rear bumper is hanging off like 6 inches but its just the bumper, it still runs and everything. How much do you think my insurance should go up, I have been insured under my dads name through Gieco for 3 years and this is my first accident. Its just the basic liability also I believe. I have absolutely no idea so any estimates would be greatly appreciated. Thanks""

How much is insurance for a nissan santra?

I'm 16 and I would like to get a nissan santra 2002 and I would like to know how much insurance is for it? also if you know any good quote sites thats easy and fast? thanks

Health Insurance Policies For Smokers?

How are health insurance policies for smokers differ from that for non smokers?

What does university health insurance cover?

I have the insurance through school, which is first health insurance. The physicians I want to visit are covered in the insurance network, but I'm not sure what the fees will be. Does anyone have similar insurance, if so, please let me know what to expect. Thanks!""

Car insurance?

how much would it cost for a 16 year old girl, honor student & drivers ed to start a plan by her self, or would it be cheaper to be added to my parents plan? aslo the car would be a madza 3. THANKS :)

What is a good website for getting non owner sr22 insurance?

Non owner sr22 insurance. I don't own a car and I do not have the time to make calls for insurance quotes. So I'm looking for a good website for getting cheap non owners sr22 insurance. Anybody knows someone? Thanks

Auto Insurance!?

i Have MetLife auto insurance at the present time, and i have a payment every other month. They have been sending me monthly bills the same price as my Bi-monthy bill. I have been given the run-around in other ways from them as well. Any suggestions for Auto insurance providers, for I am thinking of switching!""

My company was bought out - Can I get unemployment? What about my health insurance?

I need some advice. I am an assistant manager at a small call center where I have worked for around 5 years (3 of them full-time). It was just announced to me and the manager (the only 2 full-time employees), that we have been bought by another call center that is not located in our town. The manager is relocating and has been offered a full-time job at their main office (with what I am assuming is a decent raise) about 4 hours away. I am being offered a possible part-time job at a lesser position some 3 hours away - there is no garantee. Well, I have kids so there's no way I'm doing that for a measly part-time position with no benefits. I will be without a job as of May 31st. Our part-time workers will be finding out about the closure on May 1st. For those employees that would like to stay through until the end, they will be offered a monetary bonus or compensation. I doubt it's more than a few hundred dollars. If I cannot find another full time job by then, would I most likely be eligible for unemployment? If I take the bonus money at the end, does that mean I wouldn't qualify? What kinds of questions should I be asking before this happens? I have health insurance for the first time in my life - when does that usually end?""

How to win the claim case from the other car insurance company?

ok. So few days ago, I got into a car accident. I was driving down the highway simply just going straight. All of a sudden, this SUV crashed into me from my left lane and knocked off my side-view mirror & left some marks on my left front door. At that time of the being, I was so shocked because all I did was just go straight & I guess the car next to mine was trying to make a lane change but he wasn't fast enough to advance me. so instead, he bumped into me and realized what he's done then went back to his lane. after the accident, we both exited out from the highway & parked our cars on the side road because that's where the other car led me. I was driving alone at that time & I was so scared because it was my first time getting into this kind of an accident. I quickly tried calling 911 & told the 911 lady to send me a police. But she just asked if there was any injury & I said no then she just told me to exchange the insurance. How rude of her. Not to be mean, but I was little scared of the mexicans b/c the area I was in at the moment was really ghetto. so then I took some photos of the damages and exchanged the insurance company. The guy kept telling me in bad English that he was ahead of me so it's my fault. and I told him that I didn't even move & he was the one changed the lane without even checking to see if it was clear. but he couldn't really speak english well or he didn't even want to listen to me. so I left like that with my sideview mirror dangling next to me. *sigh* this isn't the end of the story yet. I claimed his insurance company which ive never heard of. They said that he's telling them I was the one who hit their car. which made NO SENSE. I even have a picture of their car bumper's mark on my side of the car door which proves that there's no way I hit their car and left a mark on mine and broke my own side view mirror and left THEM no damages. His car was clear with one inch scratch on the side which was made when he hit my car after bumping into me with his bumper and quickly turning back into his own lane. I can't even believe how he can lie about this kind of stuff. I feel so mad that there're ppl like him existing!!! It's so frustrating to see the liar defending himself. His Insurance company didn't even try to look at my car & told me that they are sorry & they can not help me b/c their customer said he didn't do it. What should I do in this situation? I have no witness, there wasn't any police there at the time because they wouldn't send me any which is SO WRONG of them to do. I want to sue 911 people. grr. How can I possibly prove them that I have no faults and they should repair my damn side view mirror?!?!?! What can I do?""

Why do I need title insurance?

I'm buying a piece of property, the lender says I have to get title insurance, why?""

What would happen if I can't afford my car insurance?

I'm 18 and just got a car and insurance. I am set to pay on the 28th of each month, starting this month. My insurance is $236 a month and it's being taken directly from my checking account. Say by this time if I was short $20 - $30, what would happen? I know I'd get a $35 overdraft fee from my bank but what happen with the car insurance company?""

Is it illegal to drive in florida without insurance? ?

Is it illegal to drive in florida without insurance? ?

Suggestions for a first car? Cheap on insurance etc.?

I'm looking for my first car, but I can't seem to find any I like. I like 1999 Vauxhall Astra and Peugeot 206, 207 and rcz. I don't like new cars, I prefer the older ones if that's any help. Anyone know any good cars to have as a first car that's cheap on insurance ? Thanks in advance :)!""

Are there any mandatory insurances for employees?

I mean no matter in which industry the employee works. Is there any insurance, say health insurance or life insurance, that the employer must provide for his employees? Thank you!""

Where is a good source of life insurance sales leads.?

I am a new life agent and I am trying to get started in the insurance industry. I am looking for more sources of leads other than my family, friends or the local chamber I've joined. Does anyone have any ideas??""

Free health insurance coverage in the state of California ?

My mother In- law has come to join us to live in the united states. I was wondering can she qualify for MEDICAL in the state of california. Free health insurance

What is a good car insurance for a limited use car?

What is a good car insurance for a limited use car?

Is there any reason why i can't add someone to my car insurance?

If i add my sister to my car insurance, because she is a woman and older with lots of driving experience it will lower my insurance quote simply because she is on there. But does she need to actually use the car, or can i just get her added to the car for the saving. I know the insurance company wouldn't necessarily check but if i needed to make a claim could they dismiss it if it was uncovered the additional driver never used the car or intended to use it. We also live in different houses, will that make a difference, as from quotes i have done it doesn't usually ask for a second address, could i say she was living with me for insurance basis? Thanks in advance.""

Cheapest Car Insurance in the UK ?

WHere can i find the cheapest car insurance in the UK for a 25 yr Old lad, with Zero NCD, Mondeo 2.0TDCI LX yr 2002/02. Living in the Coventry Area""

Can you exchange a motorcyle if the insurance ends up being higher than what was quoted at the dealer?

i called progressive, geico, esurance, and allstate and they all gave me a quote of over 2400.00 but the dealer quoted me 900.00.""

Insurance questions: Allstate Insurance?

so i got in a car accident a week ago, other party's at fault , he have no insurance, now, a guy calling from all state asking me questions and have it recorded or something, so i told him to call and talk to my attorney, he called again saying that he have permission to talk to me, i told him tell my attorney to call me n tell me that. I never been in a car accident until now or have any experience in how insurance companies work, i'm onli 19. Do the insurance company usually call and ask you questions regarding the incident or is it all a hoax to get my statement recorded? Cause i have a little suspicion about that guy. I thought everything can handle with my attorney right,? and u don't have to do anything.""

I'am 16 and does anyone has an idea how much would be my car insurance. i live in toronto?

16 yr old and wondering

What reputable health insurance companies are out there?

My mom doesn't have health insurance and my job doesn't give insurance to family members. I would like to pay monthly to a health insurance company so my mom could get health check up when she needs it. Do you know any health insurance companies that can accept low monthly payments since I don't get paid that much?

When will the government provide car insurance and life insurance to the uninsured?

There are plenty of people out there that has no car and/or life insurance...do you think Obama and his Progressives need to address this problem also...Come on Where is the outrage? There are life insurance companies and car insurance companies out there making a profit...we need to do something about this...

Are there any ways to make car insurance chaper when your 17?

In october im going to be 16 and neither me or my dad want to pay the massive charges for insuring a teenager that has just passed there test at 17. What i would like to know is if there is anything i could do when im 16 that would make the insurance cheaper, for example getting a scooter and riding that so i have one years no claims or getting driving lessons in a private area where it is legal. Or am i going to have to pay the massive insurance charges no matter what? Thanks for your help Daniel""

About how much money would car insurance for a 2003 convertable saab cost?

just some rough estimates. i know insurance places are different.

About my leased car insurance?

I have a nissan 2009 lease, I have two questions: 1. do I need to purchase PIP insurance? also a $750 deductible in comprehensive and collision is ok? 2. My boyfriend lives with me and he has his own commercial car insurance, I drive my car the most, do I need to add him in my quote? He drives the car perhaps on Sundays when we go out other than that I drive the car most of the time. Thanks for your answers""

How much do you pay for a car insurance living in New York (brooklyn)?

Whats the cheapest way to get it? im 19 so my rate would be around 5 gran

Pregnant and losing insurance?

I recently got laid off and don't want to use COBRA because of the high cost. I am only 31 so I don't think I can apply for Medical or Medicaid. I also know that I cannot get new insurance because I am already pregnant. Does anyone know how to get State-Funded insurance or at least assistance from the state? I live in California.

What are the pros and cons of health insurance?

health insurance why buy it

Car insurance?

how much would it cost for a 16 year old girl, honor student & drivers ed to start a plan by her self, or would it be cheaper to be added to my parents plan? aslo the car would be a madza 3. THANKS :)

Insured car but driver not on insurance?

I have liability insurance on my car but the person driving my car was not on the insurance and they rearended someone .... what can happen and will the insurance company pay or am I responsible?

How does the whole car insurance thing work?

I am a 19 year old boy. My parents are buying me my first car. It is a nice pre-owned car. How does the insurance for the car generally work? Is it required? I will be in college next year. Can they take care of my car insurance? How does it work? I heard that they can put my car under their insurance. Is this true? Please explain.

What type of motorcyle is the cheapest to insure?

I heard that insurance is based on ccs and bike type....so what type of bike is the cheapest to insure

How much (on average) would private health insurance be per month for a family of three?

male 40 y.o., female 36 y.o., and child.""

Auto insurance question?

I had full coverage on my auto policy. My car is at a point where I'm not going to fix it because it would cost more to repair then to replace. However, I'm not going to replace it at this time. My question is, since I will be renting cars at least twice before I get a new car, how do I handle my auto insurance? The policy currently covers rental cars, and is cheaper than the insurance the rental company offers, so I'd like to keep it. should i go ahead and cancel my auto policy, even though I will be driving other cars before i purchase another?""

How much would insurance be for me?

Im 16 year old girl in Georgia. 2004 black Nissan 350z. How much do you think insurance will be monthly

Auto insurance question?

I'm 20 yrs old and I'm thinking of signing up with state farm auto insurance. I'm buying a car and i have none. So can someone tell me what I need, where I have to go, and what i have to do to get this done?""

Cheapest Car Insurance?

Whats the cheapest I can do for Auto Insurance? I lapsed a few times with my first Insurance, and had to switch cuz it was too much to renew. Then I qot a speedin ticket, 18 over limit (the speedin was unintintional), but its all paid for, and Im usinq Cuise Control reliqiously from now on. And I very cautious as far as wrecks qo.. Anyone have any suqqestions where my best bets would be? I need somewhere under or at $200 at most, per month. And yes Im aware of other details about the car itself is required, but as far as what I just presented, whats my best chances? (KY Farm Bureau, State Farm, qeico, and Allstate are out, Ive tried them)""

Why is car insurance so expensive in the U.K.?

I often see U.K citizens complaining about how expensive car insurance is. I understand that many factors make up the cost of car insurance, but is there anything in particular that makes it so expensive? In the U.S. I'm rated as a single female under 25, no tickets or accidents, driving a 2010 Ford F100 pickup truck. My car insurance runs about $1600 a year (roughly 1000 GBP). Also, just curious. If I lived in England, just a close ballpark guess, what would I pay using that criteria""

Obtaining health insurance policy number?

I need my health insurance policy number for a school trip I'm taking. I don't have my Insurance card and I am wondering how to get my policy number thanks.

Another question about health insurance?

alot of people are angry that they have to have health insurance unconstitutional etc.but arent we suppose to have car insurance by law if drive?

Are online insurance quotes secure?

they want us to submit a lot of info inclusing social sercurity number, i am afraid they can misuse the information , are my fears legitimate""

How should I renew my car insurance in this case of seperation (not yet divorced)?

My husband and I separated 6 months ago. our divorce is not yet final (an other 6 months to go). My car insurance is due, and i want to pay the next 6 months. I've always been on my husband's car insurance. what points should i pay attention to while discussing the policies with the insurance agent? some tips to avoid paying extra fees (with no necessities) please share tips / suggestions. Thank you !""

How does the age of a car factor into the cost of car insurance?

Obviously there is more than one factor that influences the cost of car insurance. I know that when a car is newer, it usually costs more to insure than a car that is older. For example, a 2009 Chevy Impala is more expensive to insure than a 1983 VW. But, suppose I bought a vehicle like a 1957 Lincoln, 1955 GMC, or a 1956 Plymouth (or some other car from that time period)? If it wasnt something that people easily recognize like more popular cars from that time period, would it cost less to insure? (They arent as recognizable or popular, in the sense that if one was driving a 1957 Chevy, or a 1959 Cadillac or a Thunderbird, most people would instantly know what it was, but if I drove a 1957 Lincoln or a 1955 GMC, most people wouldnt immediately know what it was.)""

How does insurance work?

From my understanding of insurance you send money once a month, a deductible is what I believe it is called... Correct me if I am wrong SO really, you pay insurance companies a couple hundred dollars a month, and then it covers your hospital bill. ANd even if you are constantly sick and constantly visiting the ER, your insurance covers it. Then where does the money come from? Why the hell are hospital bills so expensive without insurance... ANd if it is that simple.... WHY DOESN T everyone get insurance? HOW DOES IT WORK?!?""

Roughly how much would it cost to insure a 17 year old male on a renault clio 1.2?

Its silver and just a standard model (not sport or anything extra etc..) And is from 2002 (51 reg) any help appriecated thanks :)

Motorcycle insurance ?

I'm 17 now im ganna be 18 in a year i i like 2 plan ahead i live in Florida and i want 2 get a 2008 ninja 250r and i want 2 know how much the average payment a month im running into so yea please and thank u

Does anyone know of cheap health insurance in north carolina?

am a father of two and my wife has her and the kids covered under her policy at work. I have not had insurance in over 12 years! I need low cost health insurance and I have heard of plans under $100. I obviously never get sick, and dont mind a high deductible. I really need a low premium and a semi low RX cost and co-pay/ doctor visit (just in case). Any help or suggestions? Thanks!!!""

A question about the affordable health care act!?

My wife was born in 1955. She would like to retire, collect Social Security when she turns age 62. Since she cannot get Medicare until age 65, we were thinking about getting her ...show more""

Does each driver of a specific vehicle need to have car insurance?

Does every person who plans to drive a specific car need to have their own insurance? My husband and I are about to buy a car, and we're wondering if we both need insurance or if just one of us could have it. We would both like to be able to drive the car. (we'll be living in Idaho, if that makes a difference)""

How much will my insurance go up?

I accidentally backed up into the corner of someones parked car going about 3-4 mph and there were some paint scuffs and a 4-5 inch crack.

Health Insurance for getting pregnant?

I'm thinking of getting pregnant, can anyone tell me what is a good insurance that would cover most of the bills I would have with dr. visits, delivery, etc. I can't afford to pay a lot.""

How much does my auto insurance go up after my first ticket?

I got my Drivers License a month back. Today I rented a car (and fortunately with a full insurance cover) and ran into another car and got a ticket that says Inability to control car or something like that. I am planning to buy a car pretty soon. Could any of you give me an idea as to how much my insurance will be effected as a result of this mishap? I would appreciate any replies.

Would I be able to get sr22 insurance and drive a family car?

So I need sr22 insurance, but I dont own a car. I have heard two different answers on this from the same auto insurance company (vern fonk). I used to drive my familys car and I had asked them when I went in can I drive that car if I get sr22 insurance and they said no because they have insurance on it, but than when my dad said I could drive the car and that they didnt know what they were talking about I decided to call back. I explained it to the guy on the phone at vern fonk and he said if i get the non owners auto insurance than I can drive any car including theres because I would have liability insurance. Which one is true? because I would like to be able to drive again and cant afford a car right now.""

""For a 16 year old how much does insurance cost for a year, an average, and what is out there that is the best?""

insurance plan, only answer if u have insurance or have experience""

Car insurance?

how much would it cost for a 16 year old girl, honor student & drivers ed to start a plan by her self, or would it be cheaper to be added to my parents plan? aslo the car would be a madza 3. THANKS :)

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/drive-without-car-insurance-jayden-montoya/"