#i do not want to be able to progress to level 18 or anything i get that thats a huuuge boost

[waterbearable]

fuck bhaal all my homies hate bhaal

[7ndipity]

First Time

Ot7 x Reader

Summary: What the members would be like during their first time with their S/o

Warnings: +18 mdni, smut, swearing, mentions of oral, fingering

A/N: Thanks to the lovely anon who requested this! I hope you like it!

Masterlist

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Jin:

I feel like the first time with him would be slightly planned, with flowers and candles waiting when you come home from a lovely date together. But you still make sure to let it happen naturally; if the vibes aren’t right, then he’d happily just kiss you and then call it a night.

If the vibes are right tho, he goes all out.

He can be quite intense at times, but he’d do his best during your first time together to still be gentle with you, with lots of kissing over every bit of your body that he can reach.

I think he would try to keep his own need in check at first, focusing on making sure that you’re completely relaxed and feeling as good as possible.

Once he’s actually inside you though, he would lose all of his composure, rocking into you at such a desperate pace that it takes your breath away.

Afterwards he would be extra soft, and probably a bit shy, hiding his face in your neck as you lay together talking.

Yoongi:

I see your first time together happening very naturally, whether it’s after a romantic date night or the result of a studio makeout session that escalated into you both grinding against each other for relief.

There’d definitely be some tongue technology™ happening. He seems very much to feed off others pleasure, so he would make sure you cum at least twice for each time he does.

Lowkey think he’d prefer you to be on top, especially for your first time together. He’d love being able to hold onto your hips while watching you with glazed over eyes as you find the rhythm and pace that has you both moaning.

Once you both get close to cumming tho, he’d take over a bit, gripping onto you tighter and thrusting up into you so hard that it sends you over the edge almost immediately.

Aftercare would be very soft and quiet, with him tending to you so gently and asking how you feel or if you need anything. He’s also definitely a cuddler, keeping you close for a long while after.

Hobi:

I see Hobi being very sweet and caring during your first time together.

Even though it was rather spur of the moment, he would still want to go slow and take his time with you, making sure that you were both fully comfortable with whatever is happening before things progress to the next level.

There would be a lot of experimenting with different things. He wants to learn every little thing that makes you feel the best and then push them that little bit further to make you see stars.

Despite the intensity of it all, I think he would still be quite playful and very ‘Hobi’ about the whole thing, both of you giggling and teasing each other even as you’re chasing after your highs.

I’ve said it before, but he’d be A+ with aftercare, making sure you’re clean and comfy before pulling you close again and telling you how much you mean to him.

Namjoon:

I see Joon going one of two ways during your first time together:

1. Super soft and tender with lots of soft touching and praise or…

2. Absolutely just fucking railing you after you both snap because you’re both just super desperate and can’t take the tension anymore.

Either way, he’d be super passionate, touching and kissing you with a bruising intensity.

I feel like he’d be very busy with his hands; one second they’re teasing over your chest, the next they’re slipping between your legs to tease and stretch you out for him(he’s very big on prep and foreplay, argue with the wall)

Once he’s actually inside of you, he’s a bit rougher, snapping his hips into yours hard and fast till you're both dizzy with pleasure.

Afterwards he would be super soft and gentle with you, making sure you have everything you need before you drift off to sleep in his arms.

Jimin:

Jimin would be very sweet and passionate, planning out a cozy evening in together, so that you could take your time together without feeling rushed and pressured.

It would start out innocent enough with just some soft, slow kisses, but his hands and lips have a habit of dancing around and making your head go fuzzy, and suddenly you’re straddling his lap and your top’s gone

I see him being a bit of a tease, wanting to see just how desperate and riled up he can make you for him before he finally sinks into you, teasing you with a hand between your legs while he leaves marks along your neck and chest, whispering tiny praises to you as he goes.

Once he finally feels you around him though, he turns almost as whiny and needy as he made you, thrusting deep and fast, desperately chasing your highs while still mumbling praises into your skin.

He would be so sweet with aftercare, not letting you lift a finger while he makes sure you’re clean and hydrated before cuddling up with you and talking til you both fall asleep.

Taehyung:

Tae would want your first time together to be very romantic, tho his perception of ‘romantic’ changes depending on the situation.

Like yes, obviously rose petals and candles are very romantic, but the idea of you both just getting completely lost in the moment and each other while you were supposed to be watching a movie or something is also very beautiful to him.

Either way, he would fucking worship you, tracing over every inch of your body with wide eyed reverence. 

I also see him getting a bit carried away and cumming a little faster than he would’ve preferred, but neither of you would really mind, especially since he’s probably ready to go again almost immediately, lol.

He would be very clingy afterwards, holding you close or laying on your chest, tracing patterns on your skin as you talk until one or both of you fall asleep.

Jungkook:

I think the first time with Jk would be very spontaneous and playful.

I see it happening after you’re both just like hanging out at his place and what started out as just a few teasing kisses spiraled into you pressed into the sofa under him as he fumbles with the buttons on your top.

He’s very much a tease, toying with edges of clothing or just ghosting his hands over where you need him most, but his own eagerness and need would keep him from being too mean, giving in almost as soon as he feels how wet and needy you are for him.

He would be soo intense, but would still try to keep you both grounded in some way, holding your hands tightly in his as he pounds relentlessly into you.

Aftercare would be where more of his soft side would come back, holding you close while you both catch your breath and then helping you clean up and making sure you have water or snacks afterwards.

Taglist: @sopebubbles-replies @btsw1fe @this-must-be-my-tardis @whitefoxgirl @bethanysnow @coffeedepressionsoup @main-bangtansmauyeondan @feminympho @classicalelephant @dfqcsqueen @mother2monsters @comingupwithacoolnameishard @universal-travel-er @bo0ghol @captainorangegoose @k4ngelz

[lsunstreakerl]

plz ignore if it's spoilers :)) but I am very curious about Daniel's POV in all of this and especially his relationship with Max. Is there a bit of 'what if?' that he feels? Like, if he didn't break Max's trust by leaving, he might be in the position that Charles is in now? Or disappointment that their dynamic was strictly dom/sub in scene and he never got the opportunity to 'be nice' to Max and have that different level of closeness with him. To paraphrase Taylor Swift said....will he always wonder? He clearly respects Charles and his relationship with Max (and is very happy to be Josh Allen's WAG apparently lmaoo) but, I am thinking that there is a subset of his feelings towards max that aren't just platonic/sexual...is that something Daniel has assessed if it is there?

And, we know Charles is a possessive little freak. Does he feel at all resentful or jealous that Danny got to experience these things with Max first? That Max was able to open up to Daniel sexually like this but kept it reserved with Charles. Or is the knowledge that at the end of the day Max chose him and is his forever person enough?

For the record, you have awakened a monster with these questions, because I have been waiting for someone to ask about Daniel. Heartbreak highway ahead.

I was planning on going a little bit more in depth in chapter six, but these aren't technically spoilers for the fic. if you're interested in reading it organically through chapter six and the eventual updates to the maxiel prequel, don't keep reading. :)

Daniel and Max are soooooo complicated in the Search History universe. (spoilers for 09000767)

- it's blatantly clear to the RedBull garage that Max was not raised right, or with much love in the home, and the way he throws himself into events and parties and PR events, the way he'll do anything if he thinks it'll get him even a scrap of affection, is something the whole garage, especially Daniel, can see. Max is also a minor when Daniel meets him, so he's not thinking of him in an intimate way at all- he thinks Max has a bit of a puppy love/hero worship thing going on.

- Daniel even jokes with Christian in 09000767 that he's "too responsible about his victory sex to be a father". He views a lot of both his and the garages earlier interactions with Max as raising him, or in the fic they describe it as teaching him how to be a person.

- unfortunately, when all your development happens in a sport like F1, shit gets complicated fast, so Max ends up with some heavy dependencies on bad habits when he's 18/19. (he drinks, he does drugs, he does both at once) Daniel only picks up on this when Max starts really spiraling.

- Daniel steps in to pull Max out of his spiral, and the whole thing is a moral grey area, because what Max needs at that point is professional help, but Daniel doesn't want to tell the team because Max will get kicked out, and Daniel (rightfully) assumes that would be the worst possible thing for Max at the time.

- Max, at this point, has really only been around Jos. He doesn't handle softness or tenderness, and he'll butt heads with anyone and everyone, so Daniel is kind of backed into a corner- to take care of Max, he needs Max to listen to him, to make Max listen to him, he needs to be firm. He doesn't necessarily want to treat Max that way, but he's picking up on the way that Max isn't really capable of looking out for himself, and that he needs someone to step in and tell him what to do.

- Daniel ends up taking Max back to a small place he has in Australia, which is where the dom/sub thing starts, and it's a very slippery slope for the two of them. Daniel starts kind of micro-managing for the two of them, because he notices Max does well with that, and it's clearly making some kind of progress. He tells Max when they eat, when they sleep, when they workout. He's washing Max's hair, portioning his food, and he's constantly watching him.

- Max gets his wires crossed (Daniel is taking care of him and telling him what to do) and starts unintentionally slipping into subspace. Neither of them realize that's what's happening for a while.

- for my 09000767 readers, the first time Daniel gets Max off he's not even really touching him in a sexual way, he's massaging his muscles after a run, and Max is young and on a hair trigger so Daniel kind of just. lets him. He notices what's happening and doesn't explicitly stop it, because he's mentally decided: "If Max needs his positive verbal enforcement to also come with the positive chemical reinforcement an orgasm gives, Daniel can do that."

- Daniel has mentally told himself that if Max makes it a sex thing for himself that's okay, but Daniel's not actually going to fuck him, which leads to a lot of situations where Daniel is talking Max through it, telling him what to do or what not to do, and Daniel doesn't really think about it a whole lot, beyond the fact that it's helping and it's progress and it means Max has a chance of being okay.

- Daniel doesn't really recognize it as a dom/sub thing until Max starts really dropping with him, and even then he's not super informed, he's just like "this seems more intense than it's supposed to be". When he looks it up and starts learning, he realizes they've been doing it all wrong, so he puts a lot of effort into learning how to do it right.

- one of the things Daniel tells Max to do in 09000767 is come up with less destructive coping mechanisms, and Max ends up saying one of them is subbing for Daniel, so they end up still doing it, even when Max is pulled out of his nosedive and ends up doing better.

- throughout this entire thing, Daniel is aware that what he has with Max is not healthy, and it's foundations are inherently wrong. He's always telling himself he won't go further, and every time he still does, and he also is well aware that Max has never actually had a relationship before.

- Daniel recognizes that Max would let him do anything to him, and he fundamentally feels wrong about the whole thing, especially because when Daniel is actually with someone, he wants to be nice to them, doesn't always want to have to be firm, and he feels like he needs to be that way with Max.

- Daniel is also aware of Charles, and pretty much everyone except Max has always been able to tell that the two of them are special, that they really mean something to each other. He kind of has a feeling the whole time that Max is going to end up with Charles, it's inevitable.

- Daniel gears his time with Max more towards learning healthier things, but he's never really tender with him the way he wants to be, because he and Max are never going to get to be that way, and who is Daniel to get in the middle of that?

- Max is convinced that he loves Daniel, and that's just another reason Daniel knows their relationship is wrong, because Max doesn't know what love is yet, and Daniel knows it. So he breaks Max's heart, and he leaves Redbull. Leaves Max.

- when Daniel goes to Renault, he leaves Max behind, because it's a lesson Max needs to learn. (and also, because Redbull needs a primary driver, and Redbull loved them both, and you can't have that in a team. The team cannot love both and succeed at the same time, something has to give, and Daniel has only ever wanted the best for Max. Daniel knows how to learn a team, how to adjust, but Max will never be able to thrive anywhere but Redbull.)

(Max's first real heartbreak is Daniel's final act of love. He will never see that.)

(Charles can.)

- Charles enters the grid and can immediately tell Max and Daniel have something going on, because he's never seen Max like that with anyone, but he doesn't particularly care at the time, too busy with racing and trying to impress Ferrari, and as long as Daniels not trying to claim he's Max's rival they have no problems.

- obviously, the entire grid can feel the tension when Daniel leaves Redbull, and no one really talks about it, buts it's an unspoken thing. Max closes off a bit to the other drivers, although he goes home with people at parties a lot, though it starts to really taper down right before covid hits anyways.

- when Charles and Max first get together, Max assumes that they're strictly hookups for several months, doesn't realize until they're out to dinner and he asks why Charles is bothering, he could've just invited him to his hotel room.

- Charles then assumes Max's last partner treated him like absolute shit, and he's furious about it, before Max catches on, and Max is mature enough (mostly) to look back at his situation and recognize it for how complicated it actually was, and they have a whole conversation about it.

- Charles realizes midway through the conversation that Daniel really did love Max, and he realizes at the same time that Max will never see that, will only ever see Daniel leaving him.

- Charles has some moments in Search History where he realizes Daniel still loves Max, might always love him just a little bit, and he can't find it in him to be upset or angry about it, because what Daniel did for Max to help take care of him Charles can never repay him for.

- in 1+1+1, if Daniel wasn't also dom'ing Charles, it might've been a problem, but instead it's a genuine three way thing for that weekend, and it also gives Charles a slight peek behind the curtain, at the way Daniel wanted to love Max, the way he can't.

- "It is very easy, being sweet to him." "Yeah. It is." This right here is the entire summarization of Daniel and Charles' relationship. Charles stating it like a fact, like the sky is blue, because it's something he gets to do, as easy as breathing. Daniel stating it like a jail sentence, because it's something he never got to do, and never will, it's a reminder of something he'll always wonder if he could've handled better, something he'll never get to have.

If you read all that and you're thinking "fuck you Sunny, that was way angstier than it needed to be", here is your consolation prize:

- Daniel does eventually end up with someone in a healthy relationship, where he gets to treasure them the way he wants, and he gets loved endlessly in return. (no spoilers.)

Anyways, that was definitely more than you were asking for, but I've been sitting on it for weeks <3

[noodle-is-unstable]

The JJK Characters as cryptids

(Drabbles)

Ft ~ Satoru Gojo, Suguru Geto, Kento Nanami, Toji Fushiguro, Ryoumen Sukuna, Choso, Takuma Ino, Shiu Kong, Uraume, Yuki Tsukumo, Shoko Ieiri, Mahito

Synopsis ~ The JJK Characters if they were cryptids. Could be Kinktober because if you squint hard enough it looks a little like monster fucking

Content Warning ~ 18+, spooky cryptid folklore things, Idk adult stuff

Gojo ~

Á Bao A Qu

the A Bao A Qu lives on the steps of the Tower of Victory in Chitor, from the top of which one can see "the loveliest landscape in the world". The A Bao A Qu waits on the first step for a man brave enough to try to climb up. Until that point, it lies sleeping, shapeless and translucent, until someone passes. Then, when a man starts climbing, the creature wakes, and follows close behind. As it progresses further and further up, it begins to become clearer and more colorful. It gives off a blue light which increases as it ascends. But it only reaches perfection when the climber reaches the top, and achieves Nirvana, so his acts don't cast any shadows. But almost all the time, the climber cannot reach the top, for they are not perfect. When the A Bao A Qu realizes this, it hangs back, losing color and visibility, and tumbles back down the staircase until it reaches the bottom, once more dormant and shapeless. In doing so, it gives a small cry, so soft that it sounds similar to the rustling of silk. When touched, it feels like the fuzz on the skin of a peach. Only once in its everlasting life has the A Bao A Qu reached its destination at the top of the tower.

This reminds me of Gojo because he was always living up to other people's expectations while never picking his own path. He wanted his students to surpass him so he would follow and watch to see if they could do it. Following his students lead him to fight Sukuna, freeing him and allowing him to achieve his true nirvana

Geto ~

Atmospheric Beasts

Atmospheric Beasts are the strangest of the flying monsters from ufology, cryptozoology and astrobiology. According to eyewitness reports, these beings are, apparently, living creatures, but they break all the usual rules that the biologists apply to living organisms. They appear to be able to levitate without any need for wings; as well as their bodies are even depicted in a semi-solid, often partially invisible, state.

I like the idea that these Atmospheric Beasts were actually just Geto flying around with his curses. He too was floating and flying above everyone. Breaking the laws of physics by simply existing

Nanami ~

Domovoy

The Domovoy a Slavic household Guardian shape-shifter spirit of a given ancestry a spirit who lives in the fireplace or behind stoves. Root word Dom meaning house is from Slavic folklore that lives in the home and protects the family from harm in all ways especially the children and animals. They have a troll-like appearance they have the power to shape-shift into anything but most likely cats, dogs, bears and horses. The Domovoy is said to be able to predict the future, however if enraged the Domovoy will lash out or in sometimes even leave the kin. The Domovoy even has a female counterpart called the Domania. The domovoy is believed to be coexisting with the house. The kin of the domovoy can give gifts and offerings to him.

Nanami would absolutely protect his house and everyone in it with all his power. He is very protective of those younger than him already. I dunno, he just gave me the vibes

Toji ~

Fear Liath Moor

Am Fear Liath Mór, or Big Grey Man or The Grey Man of Ben MacDhui is known to stalk the people who climb the mountain Ben Macdhui, the second highest peak in Scotland. Because of the high levels of fog there, not many people have seen it. Some believe the Grey Man to be a guardian of the mountain, but others believe him to be the guardian of a gate to other dimensions. The grey man is reported to be very tall humanoid, at least 8 feet high (Although sometimes as high as 30 feet). It is covered in short, gray hair, hence the name. Many times the witnesses didn't even see it, but still could hear it due to the loud footsteps. Many believe the Gray Man is a relative to sasquatch/bigfoot. It normally stalks its victims until they realize that it is following them, and then it chases them. This is a common pattern. It walks on two legs, and walks (and runs) like a normal person.

Toji feels like the gateway between the normal and curse knowing world so it seems fitting he would guard it. It is also an interesting parallel because it was of great note when Gojo perceived Toji. It was the first time he said someone actually saw him and he didn't like it

Sukuna ~

Achiyalabopa

Achiyalabopa was a huge bird god of the Pueblo people. He is described as being of extraordinary size and having rainbow-colored feathers as sharp as knives. It was considered a celestial creature and may have once been attributed to the whole of creation.

Sukuna is almost a pseudo god with his reputation and skill. Wings as sharp as knives paralleling his technique. Obviously not attributed for creation but could be argued he was the best showing of what sorcery could truly be and therefor the creator of true curse prowess

Choso ~

Horned Cat

Horned demon cats or Horned cats are the phenomenon of felines with various kinds of "horns" on their head or on their body. These cats or mostly of an occult origin however there are accounts of biological animals and mutations.

The idea the Horned Cat is from occult origins and Choso was born from curse, human experimentation. A creation that was never meant to be of this world but was still created. He also gives cat vibes

Ino ~

Manitou

Manitou is a term used to designate spirit beings among many Algonquian groups of Native Americans. It refers to the concept of one aspect of the interconnection and balance of nature/life, similar to the East Asian concept of qi or the Hindu concept of Brahman; in simpler terms it can refer to a spirit (compare to the Japanese concept of kami). This spirit is seen as a (contactable) person as well as a concept. Everything has its own manitou - every plant, every stone, even every machine.

Ino's technique being Auspicious Beasts Summon allowing him to be a spititual medium it feels fitting. He connects to beast souls and embodies them for his technique, living as a balance between human and spirit beast

Shiu ~

Pale Crawlers

Pale Crawlers are a phenomenon, usually enigmatic entities that appear at night. They are humanoid creatures described as thin and pale, with long limbs with claws and large black eyes. They are known to be incredibly fast, stealthy, and smart. While unconfirmed it is likely that pale crawlers are hyper aggressive.

Shiu is someone that works from the shadows, smart, stealthy and doesn't do his own dirty work. Though unconfirmed it's most likely when backed into a corner Shiu would have no problem being aggressive and even kill

Uraume ~

Abatwa

The Abatwa of Africa are a legendary race of minuscule hunters originally told of by the Zulus as being a menace in their territories; but in the past few decades the tales told of these beings in English language media has greatly changed.

Uraume is the definition of small but deadly. Tiny and likely to go unnoticed but an absolute menace. Uraume could take out people ten times their size and decimate populations

Yuki ~

Siren

In Greek mythology, sirens are female humanlike beings with alluring voices. They are always around locations surrounded by cliffs and rocks. Sirens continued to be used as a symbol for the dangerous temptation embodied by women. "Siren" can also be used as a slang term for a woman considered both very attractive and dangerous.

Yuki will always ask "What's your type?" hoping the answer is her. She has been shown to get agitated when not answered. Her words have often left people in danger or injured. (Leading Geto to become a curse user, leading Todo in training that left him scarred)

Shoko ~

Akkorokamui

According to Shinto mythology, the creature is human-like and contains a bright red color. The Akkorokamui is also characteristically described with the ability to self-amputate, like several octopus species, and regenerate limbs. This characteristic manifests in the belief in Shinto that Akkorokamui has healing powers. Consequently, it is believed among followers that giving offerings to Akkorokamui will heal ailments of the body, in particular, disfigurements and broken limbs.

Shoko's reverse curse technique parallels the healing ability of the Akkorokamui. Though she isn't as destructive she is willing to help those close to her

Mahito ~

Nixie

The Nixie, are humanoid, and often shapeshifting water-spirits in Germanic mythology and folklore. The enthralling music of the Nøkk was most dangerous to women and children, especially pregnant women and unbaptised children. He was thought to be most active during Midsummer's Night, on Christmas Eve, and on Thursdays. However, these superstitions do not necessarily relate to all the versions listed here. Many, if not all of them, developed after the Christianizing of the northern countries, as was the case with similar stories of faeries and other entities in other areas. When malicious Nøkker attempted to carry people off, they could be defeated by calling their name; this was believed to cause their death.

Mahito is known to be a shapeshifter of sorts. Very whimsical and joyful, almost childlike. Dancing, playing, general glee but very dangerous. He lured Junpei to the sewers and is still a curse after all. Though whimsical he would take, torture, experiment and kill people

[scary-grace]

Enough to Go By (Chapter 23) - a Shigaraki x f!Reader fic

Your best friend vanished on the same night his family was murdered, and even though the world forgot about him, you never did. When a chance encounter brings you back into contact with Shimura Tenko, you'll do anything to make sure you don't lose him again. Keep his secrets? Sure. Aid the League of Villains? Of course. Sacrifice everything? You would - but as the battle between the League of Villains and hero society unfolds, it becomes clear that everything is far more than you or anyone else imagined it would be. (cross-posted to Ao3)

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22

Chapter 23

“Good news,” the doctor says, and you look up from the compound you’re mixing at your station. “Shigaraki is tolerating the procedure much better than I expected. I can only assume it’s thanks to your quirk, and because of how well he’s handling it, we can add another quirk to the mix.”

You’re not sure how you feel about that. “What about the neural load?”

“With just one more, it won’t be a problem,” the doctor says. “All For One carries many quirks, and as Shigaraki will be the next him, it’s in our interests to get him used to it.”

That phrasing is never not going to be weird to you – Tomura not as All For One’s successor, but as the next All For One. “Okay,” you say. You know already that the doctor won’t change his mind. “Which quirk?”

“You’re familiar with our collection of quirk factors, and you know Shigaraki Tomura better than I do,” the doctor says. “Why don’t you choose?”

What would be useful to Tomura? What would he want? You think about it for a moment, try to think about situations Tomura’s found himself in where the lack of a certain quirk has frustrated him. Between the League’s quirks and the collection Tomura’s already receiving from the doctor, there’s really only one gap that you can see. “Does that Nomu’s Warp quirk work on the Nomu itself?”

“Mm — yes,” the doctor for says after a moment. “All For One has used it to travel, when it was in his possession. It would make sense for the next him to have it as well.”

The next him. There’s that phrasing. Again. The doctor is frowning. “Don’t you think he’d want something flashier?”

“Decay is flashy enough,” you say. When you think of the doctor’s quirk collection, you can’t think of anything that matches Tomura’s ability to level a city with the touch of his hand. “He should have something useful. Warp is useful, and it’s not something his opponents will be able to access, even if they do have Kurogiri.”

“Yes, Kurogiri. Has your contact made any progress in figuring out where he’s being held?”

“He’s in Tartarus,” you say. “That’s where they all are.”

All For One, Moonfish, Muscular, Overhaul, and Stain. Mustard is there too, which you find appalling — he’s underage, just like Toga, and neither of them belong in maximum security under 24-hour guard. You’ve heard things about the conditions inside the prison, and they’re awful. If you needed more reasons to win the war to come, you can add Tartarus to the list — you don’t want you or anyone else to wind up inside.

The doctor nods brusquely. “When Shigaraki liberates All For One, remind him to grab Kurogiri as well, won’t you?” Then, as an afterthought: “Overhaul, too. That quirk –”

“It’s gone,” you say. “Tomura Decayed one of his arms, and Compress –”

Something clicks in your head. You take out your phone and call Compress, ignoring the doctor’s complaints. Compress answers. “Yes?”

“Do you still have Overhaul’s arm?” you ask, and the doctor’s complaining abruptly cuts off. Compress answers in the affirmative. “What condition is it in?”

“Pristine condition, given that I haven’t released it — other than that unfortunate instance with your coffee table,” Compress says. “Why?”

“Keep it like that. We might need it later,” you say. You thank Compress, hang up, and turn to the doctor again. “We have one of Overhaul’s arms, preserved at the point it was removed from his body. Will that work?”

“Yes,” the doctor says, startled.

“Good.” You’re not sure how Tomura will feel about getting Overhaul’s quirk, and that’s the least of your worries. “Won’t that be too many quirks? If we’re already adding Warp –”

“Oh, Overhaul isn’t for Shigaraki,” the doctor says. “It’s for you.”

You stare at him in horror. “You’ve been very insistent in your role as the team’s medic,” the doctor says. “With your quirk, at the moment, you’re only useful to Shigaraki. With the Overhaul quirk, you could heal your other comrades’ injuries with ease.”

He’s right. With Overhaul’s quirk you’d be beyond effective as a medic. You already have the anatomy knowledge you’d need to use it. But you don’t want any part of what Tomura’s been going through., and when the doctor looks at you, he reads it all over your face. “We’d wait until Shigaraki possesses All For One, of course,” he says. “That would make the transfer painless. And we’d transfer a copy, to avoid any personality contamination.”

“Personality contamination?” you repeat, puzzled. “What do you mean?”

“You’re familiar with the way that transplanted hearts carry the characteristics of their original owners. It’s the same for quirk factors,” the doctor says. “With a copied quirk, the level of influence is significantly lower. So there really is no reason for you to refuse to take on Overhaul’s quirk at all.”

Something about that pulls a thread in the background of your mind. It bothers you, but not as much as the idea of taking on Overhaul’s quirk in the first place. “That quirk killed one of our friends. The rest of the League won’t want me to have it.”

“The same quirk brought your friend back, didn't it? I’m sure you can convince them,” the doctor says. “In any case, if you’re certain that Warp will suit Shigaraki best —“

“I am.”

“We’ll begin preparing the transfer,” the doctor says. “How are the bullets coming?”

“I think I’ve fixed the problem,” you say. “I’m ready to run another test.”

“Excellent. We’ll run it now.”

When you test the bullets, you test them on clones of the doctor. It was his idea, not yours — to ensure the bullets are working, you need a quirk that switches off visibly, and the doctor’s clones aging decades in a heartbeat is as good of a tell as it gets. In your last trial run with the bullets, you shut off the quirk factor successfully, but tests confirmed that it began to repair itself almost at once. This time you’ve woven in another quirk — Petrification, which allows the user to paralyze any part of another person once they’ve touched them. The wielder, whoever they were, likely used it for full-body paralysis, but you’ve been tinkering with it, narrowing it down. You think you’ve created a compound that isolates and nullifies the victim’s quirk, and with Petrification added in, you can make the change permanent.

You think you’ve made the change permanent, and according to the tests the doctor runs on the double you just stabbed with one of the needle-tipped bullets, you’re right. “Excellent work,” the doctor says. “I would have come to this conclusion alone, obviously, but it’s much faster with two. All For One will be very pleased, even once he discovers how you lied to him.”

“I didn’t know I had a quirk.”

“I was there,” the doctor says. “You may not have lied knowingly about your quirk, but you certainly concealed the fact that you knew Shigaraki Tomura before his quirk awakened. If you had revealed that, All For One would have removed you.”

You knew that, sort of. Tomura definitely knew. “Still,” the doctor says, almost reflectively, “I suppose it worked out in the end. If All For One had removed you, he would have missed out on the benefits of your quirk.”

Your quirk benefits Tomura, not All For One. Tomura, and only Tomura. If that wasn’t the case, the doctor wouldn’t be talking about giving Overhaul’s quirk to you. The thread pulls a little tighter in the back of your mind, but the doctor cuts the thought off with an instruction before you can follow it. “Start production of the bullets. I’ll prepare Warp for transfer, and we’ll begin this afternoon. Things are moving along very nicely. After this, all that’s left is Super-Regeneration — and of course, All For One.”

The thread pulls tight, then snaps. It’s a good thing the doctor’s already left the room. If he hadn’t, the pure horror that’s rattling your entire body would have given everything away in a heartbeat.

You must be wrong. You have to be wrong. You’re desperate to be wrong — but as you pull the pieces together, you realize that the truth has been there the entire time, and it’s just as terrible as you first thought. Stolen or transferred quirks carry imprints of the original wielder’s personality. The effect can be reduced by transferring a copy, but the doctor is making sure Tomura gets the original All For One. Copies were good enough for the other quirks, but not that one. All this time, you’ve heard the way the doctor refers to Tomura and assumed that he meant to describe Tomura as All For One’s successor. But he’s never said successor, or heir. He always says it the exact same way — Tomura will be the next him.

All For One never meant for Tomura to inherit his role. He plans to transplant his original quirk to Tomura and steal Tomura’s body for himself.

The realization crashes down on you so hard that you nearly black out, but you drop your head between your knees and force yourself to breathe. Passing out won’t save Tomura. If you want to save him, you have to think. You have to make a plan. But planning right now feels like an impossibility. Doing anything feels like an impossibility, because you’re still you. Functionally quirkless. All but defenseless even with a clip of quirk-canceling bullets in your gun. Easily dismissed and easily overlooked and the last person anyone would ever suspect of doing anything to subvert Tomura’s — and theoretically All For One’s — plans.

You take slow, deep breaths, trying to slow down your thought process to match. The doctor doesn’t know what he just told you. He doesn’t know that you’ve put the pieces together, and even if he did, he wouldn’t think for a second that you’d try to stop it. After all, he’s watched you stand by as he tortured Tomura for the past three months, even allowing yourself to be pulled in to help him do it. If you didn’t blink at that, why would you blink at this? You’re loyal to Tomura’s vision, which the doctor thinks is the same vision as All For One’s. You’d never dream of crossing him.

Except you’re not loyal to All For One’s plans, or even Tomura’s plans. You told Spinner when he asked, the same way as you told yourself when you set off down this path — you’re loyal to Tomura, to Tenko, and no one else. That loyalty means you’ll cross him sometimes. It means that you’ll foil his plans if you have to. In this case, it means that you’ll stop him from receiving All For One.

Even as the thought comes to you, you know it’s impossible. You could beat the doctor in a fight, you’re pretty sure — his quirk extends his lifespan at the cost of his physical strength and speed, and when it comes to protecting Tomura, you’re basically insane — but he has Nomus on his side, and if you blow your cover and lose, it’s over. So you can’t take All For One out of the equation. Tomura will wind up with the quirk no matter what.

He’ll wind up with the quirk, but there’s no reason for him to wind up with the original. If you make sure he’s given a copy instead —

The plan clicks into place and the instant it does, the urge to enact it becomes overpowering. You grit your teeth, trying to ignore the buzzing in your limbs, the panic that floods your system with adrenaline and makes your hands shake. You can’t do anything right now. You don’t need to do anything right now. Warp is being transferred this afternoon. All For One is next, and Super-Regeneration last. You have time to figure out how to make sure the quirk factor the doctor transplants into Tomura isn’t the same one he took from Tomura’s master. In the meantime, you need to make sure the doctor doesn’t suspect you. If he suspects you, he’ll lock you out of the process in a heartbeat.

He told you to work on the bullets. You still need the bullets. You clench your hands into fists, ordering them to stop shaking, and when they don’t, you lose patience with yourself and go fumbling through one of the supply cabinets in the lab for a scalpel.

You remember promising Tenko that you’d stop — or maybe just swearing that you didn’t do it anymore — and the times he’s seen you naked since you started again have been few enough and far enough between to allow the injuries to heal. You’ll have all the time in the world for the three lines that you carve into your hip to fade, and by the time you’ve wiped the blood away and taped down a sterile pad and disposed of the scalpel at the bottom of a sharps container, you’re calm again. You know what you need to do. You won’t let this happen to Tenko. You can save him. You will.

Making the bullets is time-consuming. By the time the doctor comes back from tending to the Nomus he’s cooking up, you’ve only made three. Three, to go with the five Tomura and the others stole from Overhaul — and while you’ve been working on it, you’ve added a twist to your plan. The doctor peers over your shoulder at your progress, then goes to the window to observe Tomura. “We’ll let him rest a little longer before we transplant Warp. I’m hungry. Go and bring me some food from the cafeteria — and some for yourself as well. You look terrible.”

You’ve been hearing that a lot lately. It’s apparently a good thing your costume includes a veil. As much as it irks you to act like the doctor’s servant, you need him in a good mood, so you change into a set of scrubs and head to the cafeteria, blending in easily with the other staff members. This is the kind of place you might have worked one day, if nothing had changed, if you hadn’t found Tenko again. You were proud of working at the clinic, but you’d have been proud to work in a hospital, too. A hospital would have paid better, had better benefits, and depending on the specialty you were in, maybe better hours. The kind of things you’d have needed if you ever wanted to start a family.

You don’t think about things like that anymore. You hop in line at the cafeteria, order what the doctor likes and something you know you won’t do more than pick at, and make your way back down to the lab, willing your hands not to shake, willing your breath to stay even. You deliver the food to the doctor, and then, rather than retreat like you usually do, you sit down at the far end of his workspace. The doctor raises his eyebrows. “Can I help you?”

“Sir, I had a question for you,” you say. Sir never hurts with men of a certain age, and since you’ve used it before, the doctor won’t smell a rat to hear you use it again. “All For One — the quirk — it’s instantaneous, right? The target’s quirk is gone as soon as All For One touches them and decides to take it.”

“Yes,” the doctor says. “Why do you ask?”

“The compound in the bullets I’m making isn’t that fast,” you say. “It’s quick, but if the person who was shot acted quickly enough, they could counter-strike before their quirk was destroyed. So I was wondering if — um — I know it’s the most important quirk you have, but –”

You play up nervousness, anxiousness, a desire to please. The kind of thing the doctor expects to see from a devoted servant, one who’d die for her master. The doctor smiles kindly, or condescendingly. From him, they look the same. “You’re wondering if you can have a copy of All For One for your experiments?”

You nod. “The compound in the bullets works now, but I’d like to make it even better. I want to help Tomura as much as I can.”

The last part is true, at least. “You’ve asked nicely, and you’ve been quite diligent,” the doctor says. “Of course you can have a copy. I believe there are three or four in storage, and of course Mocha can make more if needed.”

“He remembers how?” you ask. “He’s made a lot of copies recently.”

“Of course, but you may wish to jog his memory,” the doctor says. “The original is stored in the repository, the same as the others. Show it to him and he’ll replicate it again. But do try to be judicious with your work, dear. Waste not, want not.”

“Yes, sir,” you say at once. The doctor tilts his head, studying you. “Sir? What is it?”

“You don’t look well,” he says abruptly. “At this proximity, maintaining Shigaraki’s increased healing factor shouldn’t strain you.”

“I’m not — strained,” you say at once. “Just tired. Uh — and hungry.”

“You aren’t eating.”

“I was nervous to ask you about All For One,” you confess. That’s not a lie, either. You look down at your bowl, feeling tears spring to your eyes. “I don’t want to let Tomura down. I’ve been trying as hard as I can –”

All true. “But I’m worried it won’t be good enough,” you continue. “What if it’s not enough, and something happens because of me, and he –”

“Well, you can at least be assured that you won’t live to see it,” the doctor says. “Your quirk will bleed you dry to keep him alive. But we’ll render that unnecessary all too soon. Once Super-Regeneration is transplanted and combined with the effects of your quick, Shigaraki’s transformation into the second coming of All For One will be assured.”

That’s a new phrasing. He hasn’t used that one before. For a second you wonder if you’re wrong — but then as you sniffle over your bowl of cafeteria ramen and the doctor passes you a handkerchief, you decide that it doesn’t matter if you’re wrong or right. With the course of action you’re planning to take, Tomura will get All For One’s quirk no matter what. All you’re going to do is remove any chance that he’ll get All For One’s soul along with it.

The transplantation of Warp goes as well as it could. The sound of Tomura’s screams rings in your ears almost constantly, and every time a procedure ends and you’re left to care for him before he returns to stasis, you’re terrified that he won’t forgive you for your part in it. But it’s not just that he forgives you — it’s that he doesn’t seem to blame you in the first place. “It was my idea, not yours,” he mumbles, when the words blur their way out of your mouth. “Just stay here.”

“Of course,” you say, like always. The hole in his stomach’s closed now — he can eat and drink, although the only thing you’ve been able to get him to accept is a few sips of water. He wouldn’t even drink it at first. It took you dabbing a wet cloth across his lips for him to open his mouth. “You’re almost done after this. Two more and then it’s over.”

Tomura nods. His eyes are closed. “When it’s over,” he starts, then grimaces. You raise the cup of water to his lips again and he takes it from you with a shaky hand, drains it, sets it aside. “Over here. There’s room.”

You look askance at him. “On the operating table?” There’s not room by any stretch of the imagination. “Tomura –”

He shakes his head. “Not Tomura.”

“Tenko.” You lower your voice. “Will you eat something if I sit with you?”

“Why don’t you want to –”

“I do. I just want you to eat something, too.” You study him, wondering what’s going through his head, hoping he’ll agree. After a long moment, he nods. “Okay. I’ll be right back.”

You end up sitting towards the end of the operating table, Tenko’s legs propped up in your lap as he picks at a plate of food. His muscles are stiff — you could tell when he lifted his legs up to stretch them across your lap — so you massage them gently, trying to work the knots out. Tenko relaxes by degrees. “What did I get today?” he asks after a while.

“You’re doing really well, so the doctor told me to pick an extra quirk for you. I chose Warp.”

“Warp?” Tenko’s mouth curves into a smile. “Bad call. Now I can come get you whenever I want.”

“If you think I don’t want to be with you all the time, you haven’t been paying attention.” You wish you were sitting closer to him, or that the plate wasn’t in the way. You want to hold him closer than this. “You were saying something earlier, about when this is over. When it’s over, what do you want to do?”

“Win. Fast.” Tenko picks at the food you brought him. “Before that I want to do stuff. With you.”

“Like, sex stuff?” You’re having a hard time thinking of stuff the two of you haven’t already done that doesn’t start to veer into kinks. The two of you haven’t talked about kinks. “Sure. I’m not sure what kind of stuff you’re thinking about, but we can probably –”

Tenko’s kneed you lightly in the stomach. “What was that for?”

“Not sex stuff.” Tenko peels one eye open and catches the look you’re giving him. “Not just sex stuff. Other stuff. Date stuff.”

“We’ve gone on dates,” you remind him. “Two of them.”

“Those aren’t real dates,” Tenko says. Ouch. “Where we go somewhere and do something. Like a movie. Or the arcade –”

“That kind of date,” you say. Your heart sinks a little bit. “I don’t know if there’s anywhere we can do that where it would be safe.”

“The PLF has other towns. Not just the one we fought in. We can go there.” Tenko’s plate is empty. He sets it aside. “And stay there, after.”

“After the date?” you ask. Tenko shakes his head but doesn’t explain. “After — oh.”

After he wins. After the old world ends, in the new one. You’ve known Tenko was thinking about it, known that some of what you’ve said has taken hold, but aside from jokes about things he wants to ban — cats have been added to the list that already contains heroes, hate groups, and bras — he hasn’t said anything concrete about what he wants it to be like. Except this. Except that he wants to have somewhere to live, and he wants you to live there with him.

And none of that will happen if you can’t stop All For One from stealing his body. “Okay,” you say to Tenko. “We might have to go on multiple dates, then. So we can decide which one we like best. I should warn you, though — I suck at arcade games.”

“I don’t care about that.” Tenko reaches for you, catches you around the waist and pulls you awkwardly in until you’re sprawled against him. It’s not comfortable, but he’s doing his level best to get comfortable anyway. “I’m good enough for both of us.”

“I know.” You’ve believed him every time he said that, ever since you were kids. He’s promised he could do it, whatever it was, for both of you, and you’ve never doubted him. You’re not doubting him now. But at the same time, you know that what needs to happen now is something only you can do. You need to do it for both of you. “Ten?”

He’s falling asleep. His grip on you is loosening even as he tries to wrap you around him. “Yeah?”

“I love you,” you say. “You know that, right?”

He nods. “Always knew,” he mumbles. His next words are slurred, almost incomprehensible. “Same here.”

You’re still sitting with Tomura when the doctor comes back in. He takes one look at you both and rolls his eyes. “Get up. The sooner we put him into stasis, the sooner we can transplant All For One.”

The doctor usually sends you back once Tomura’s in stasis, but that can’t happen this time. You untangle yourself from Tomura’s arms carefully, giving yourself time to phrase the question. “Can I stay for a little while once he’s under?”

“This again? You already know –”

“Not to sit with him,” you interrupt as carefully as possible. “I want to work on the bullets a little more. I promise I’ll stay out of the way. I won’t get underfoot.”

“You haven’t been underfoot,” the doctor says. “A bit sentimental, perhaps, but you’ve made yourself quite useful. You can stay, but you’ll have to stay overnight. Johnny will need a break after this next trip.”

“Which trip?”

“I want you to retrieve Overhaul’s arm,” the doctor says. “While I’m sure Compress has it safely stored, it’ll be better preserved here.”

You nod. Another stupid idea is churning in the back of your mind, but you shove it away. One crazy idea at once is the most you can handle. You tell yourself that, but your mouth has different ideas. “I can preserve it once it’s here, sir. If that would help.”

“That will be very helpful indeed,” the doctor says, smiling. “If you were worried that All For One would be unforgiving of your lie, Saintess, I’d cease to worry about it. He rewards loyal service generously.”

You nod, and close your eyes as the taste of warp sludge fills your mouth. One thing at a time. One plan. One course of action. Nothing else you do will matter if you can’t use your perceived loyalty to All For One to stop him from destroying Tomura.

Spinner and Re-Destro pounce the instant you get back, but then Hawks puts in an appearance, and Spinner detours to run interference while you run to find Compress. You badly need to talk to Spinner — you have to warn him what All For One is trying to do — but you can’t with Hawks sniffing around. Spinner doesn’t come to find you until you’ve already packaged Overhaul’s severed arm for transport, when you’re in the act of calling the doctor to tell him to bring you back. “You’re not staying? I thought he was going into stasis –”

“He is. This is something else.” You try to think of what to tell Spinner, what he’ll need to know if you’re caught and taken out of the picture. There isn’t much, now that you think about it. Even if the doctor catches you, it’ll already be too late. “Listen. If anything happens to me, go to Jaku hospital. Down below. That’s where the doctor is, and the Nomus –”

“What do you mean, if something happens to you?” Spinner’s eyes widen. “Is something going to happen to you? What’s going on?”

“There’s not time. Just — if I’m not back, go there. Don’t leave Tomura there –”

You break off, coughing. Warp sludge is filling your throat. “Don’t leave him. Remind him –”

“About what?”

“Who he is.” It’s the only hint you can give. Then warp sludge chokes off your voice, and when it clears, you’re alone in the darkness beneath Jaku hospital once more.

You wait through the rest of the day. Into the night. You make the doctor hover over you as you work to extract and preserve Overhaul’s quirk factor, taking up so much time that he’s glad to leave you alone when it’s done. As soon as he’s gone, you get moving. You’re familiar with the organization of the quirk database by now, and you go straight for All For One. One original quirk, and three copies. Or so you think.

You’re pretty sure the doctor doesn’t suspect you, but if you were in his shoes, you wouldn’t trust anybody when it came to preserving Tomura’s plans. You set the original quirk factor on its glass slide on the workbench and study it for a moment. It doesn’t look like much — just three full layers of skin, peeled from the palms of All For One’s hands. Your stomach twists when you think about how agonizing it must have been to remove. All For One’s palms have holes in the center of them. You don’t remember that from the hand that closed over your face the first time you came here, but you had other things on your mind.

You set the original aside, then line up the copies alongside it. “Mocha-chan,” you say, and the Nomu appears at your side. “I need a copy of the original quirk.”

Mocha makes it for you, and you affix it onto a new slide, peeling the label off of the original and adding it to complete the picture. Then you tuck it back into the archive in the proper spot and slide it shut.

Next, you pick up a scalpel, and you start with the copies, dragging the blade of the scalpel firmly across each one. You’re not pressing hard enough to cut through the layers of skin completely, but as you test each copy, they collapse into sludge when the pressure grows too firm. You destroy each one, then turn your attention to the quirk labeled as the original. Time to find out if the doctor’s even slightly suspicious of you. If he is, there’s no way he’ll have left the original All For One quirk factor within your reach. You wouldn’t.

You cut into the peeled-away palm of All For One’s hand, biting deep enough to cut through it entirely, but it doesn’t collapse. You cut into it again, amputating the thumb, but the integrity of the quirk factor remains intact. So the doctor does trust you, then. Your heart is racing, and in spite of the fact that you have the proof you need, you continue to cut, slicing All For One’s quirk to ribbons. And when that’s done, when you’re surrounded by nothing but slivers of skin, you drop the slide to the floor and crush it under your heel.

It doesn’t feel like enough. You want to stomp on it harder, and after a second, you do. You sweep the rest of the slides off the workbench, too, shattering them, and add them to the pile of crushed glass on the ground. You imagine it’s All For One’s face that you’re stepping on, that you’re obliterating what’s left of his features with strike after strike, finishing a job that All Might couldn’t. You aren’t like Tenko. You don’t blame All Might for everything, even if you do see the flaws in heroic society, even if you do believe that the world would be better off if everything about it changed. But you do blame All Might for one thing, one thing that’s unforgivable — failing to save Tenko. If All Might had truly beaten All For One, he would never have stolen your best friend away.

It feels hypocritical to blame All Might when you failed Tenko, too, but you were just a little kid. You weren’t the one who took responsibility for saving everyone. What you’ve taken responsibility for is this — not preventing All For One from being passed to Tenko, but making sure that the piece of his master’s soul gets is as weak as possible. It’s all you can do. It’ll have to be enough, and you tell yourself that it is, that it will be. A shadow of All For One isn’t nothing, but you’re not afraid of it. If you’re by Tenko’s side, you can help him keep it at bay. And maybe if your next plan pans out —

But this plan isn’t finished yet. One thing at a time. You turn to the Nomu again. It’s been watching you silently, its eyes blank and staring. “I’m going to clean this up, you say, gesturing to the glass on the ground. The Nomu says nothing. “I need three more copies of All For One.”

The Nomu makes them for you, and you slide them into the database alongside the copy you’re passing off as the original. Then you get to work sweeping away the glass, sponging away the piles of sludge and scraps of skin, concealing the evidence of what you’ve done. There’s a weird feeling of unease in the pit of your stomach.

At first you can’t figure out what it is. But the further away you get from the destruction of All For One’s original quirk, the clearer it becomes. You’ve lied, you’ve stolen, you’ve been an accessory to kidnappings and murders. You’ve used an illegal weapon and killed someone with it. You’ve been complicit in illegal human experimentation. All of that is more than enough to put you within Kazuo’s parameters. But what you’ve just done feels different. It feels like something you can’t come back from, something that’s subverted All For One’s plans directly, something he or the doctor would happily kill you for. You took the trust the doctor had in you and twisted it into a weapon, manipulated and flattered and pretended yourself into a position to ruin everything, and then you did it without thinking twice.

You know you did the right thing. You aren’t sorry about it. You’d do it again in a heartbeat. But you can’t shake the thought that of everything you’ve done since Tenko came back into your life, this is the one that makes you feel more like a villain than anything else.

<- Chapter 22

[chunkypossum]

2024 Fic Writer End of Year Roundup

Answer and then tag three or more creators to keep the game going!

(If you're in my answers consider yourself tagged if you'd like to play!!)

1. How many words did you publish on AO3 in 2024? 619,247... with the way A03 calculates I don't think that's entirely accurate but that's what it says... I would take off 225k and guess it's more around 350-400k

2. How many fics did you complete this year?

18, those event weeks really had a chokehold on me

3. How many in progress or ongoing fics did you start this year?

I have only posted a couple of WIP this year. I have stared at least 20 more, but have yet to post anything on them. Hopefully, I will have them all organized by this evening so I can start with my 2025 goals of getting them all done or at least well on their way!

4. What was your favorite thing you wrote?

I had the best time with What We Deserve!! It has to go at the top of the list.

Honorable mention would be Mother Save Us From Your Twisted fate just because it came out of nowhere and I think I started the first part and finished it in a day or two like a madman and posted without really giving it a second look. Truly a fic of strange passion.

5. What piece was your most experimental or different from your usual style?

probably Lighthouse in the Woods. Exploring a poly dynamic in a fic I didn't originally intend to be poly was an interesting choice for my brain lol but a fun and rewarding challenge!

6. Did any fics surprise you - either while writing or their reception?

Under the Weeping Beech shocked me just because it demanded I write it but there was very little reward with how sad it is. Y'all know I love sad angsty shit but I always seem to find a way to make everything ok in the end. Not so much this time but I simply couldn't make myself write it any other way. This was how it was supposed to be

7. Do you have a fic you wrote and loved that went under the radar? (This is your sign to reblog/repost it!)

Everything kind of went how I expected it to this year, but a fic that went under MY OWN PERSONAL RADAR was When Even Moonlight Burns. I adore the outline but couldn't make myself get serious about it this year. I'm waiting for my depraved self to rise to the surface for that one. It needs to be a beautiful disgrace

8. Who is an artist that inspired you?

I'm not sure I could name anyone without naming EVERYONE. If you have created Azris, you're on this list.

@queercontrarian inspires me daily with her work. Her attention to detail and the fashion work in her pieces are notches on my bones, that's how permanently they have changed me. I find myself staring at them for entirely too long to be appropriate and keep coming back to revisit my favorites!

@elleybug has a vision for her art that speaks to me on a cellular level. Every single piece supplies me with endless amounts of emotion that just make me want to create and create and create!

9. Who is an author that inspired you?

This question is really testing my memory because every time I read something I get inspired. All of you are just too damn good so if I forget to tag you it's only because I am stupid or I simply haven't been able to get to your amazing work yet BUT I WILL... and not because you don't belong on this list!!!

@fieldofdaisiies for her sweet pieces, @born-to-riot for her funny pieces, @acourtofladydeath for her thoughtful pieces, @secret-third-thing for her weird pieces, @iftheshoef1tz for her poetic pieces, @g00seg1rl for her horny pieces, @pippsmcgee for the dazzling intricacy of that piece she is teasing me with @talibunny30 for characterization in that nesta fic that wont leave me, @jules-writes-stories for the emotion she brings, @the-darkestminds for her dark mind that's like a twin flame, @mistandmemories for all that edging and absolute adorableness, @yanny-77 for the mastery of the dynamics between characters, @fourteentrout for the delicious intimacy, @brunetterebel010 for the vulnerability, @neciebee for the lyrical prose, @whisperingmidnights for the soulful prose, @mudandmire for the gorgeous and unique ideas, @unanswered-stars for the heartbreaking beauty!

10. Who is a new author you discovered?

so so many this year! Special mentions to @jules-writes-stories, @the-darkestminds, @mistandmemories who I really consider to be the big three of 2024 for me! Following along each of your beautiful stories this year has been a highlight!

11. Did you do any collaborations? How did it start?

not this year!

12. What accomplishments are you proudest of?

Everything I managed to finish lol. I was worried it would be nothing at all!

13. What did you learn about writing or creating this year?

I work best when I am just dishing out what's been gnawing at me, and trying to participate in too much just for the sake of it was too draining!

14. Any advice you’d like to share with new or aspiring writers?

It's fanfic, take the pressure OFF and just write the thing! If there is a story in your heart you really want to have exist in the world, you need to get it out and let it breathe! Don't focus on numbers or style or craft while you're just getting started. Have fun and create because you NEED to, everything else can come later.

15. What are your creative goals for 2025?

I have approx 12347576412 projects I would like to get written... I'm here to mass produce simply because I can't keep up with my brain. LOL. But truly if I can get one full multichapter fic completed this year I will be very happy!

[mcuamerica]

The Shadowsinger: Nineteen

Warnings: 18+. Minors DNI. Alludes to sex, ACOTAR series spoilers. If I forgot anything, please let me know!

Pairing: Azriel x Fem!Reader

Summary: You have your chance to complete the Qualifying Course for the Blood Rite.

Disclaimer: I do not own SJM’s characters or plot lines, only the ones I create for the purpose of this story. This is a work of fiction. I do not give permission to repost my work on any other platform or medium. Please be respectful.

My graphics are my own. If you wish to use them, please give credit!

Series Masterlist

Fourteen - Fifteen - Sixteen - Seventeen - Eighteen

The next day you traveled to Windhaven with Rhys and Feyre. He wanted to show her the camp and then take her into the mountains to help with her powers. You didn’t want to interrupt with their time, so you chose to join the males in training. 

After last night with Azriel, you were a bit tired. You hadn’t truly gone to bed until the clock struck three, staying up and talking with him. And making love. All over your room. You honestly hoped the night would never end. But here you were, sparring with an Illyrian male who had a mixture of hate and disgust in his eyes that he was chosen to spar with you today. Just next week you would have your try at the qualifying course. And just in time too, as the Blood Rite would start within the next month as Spring came. 

You weren’t too happy having to leave Azriel this morning, but you had to get in your morning training since you would miss it here. And you came back with an official Siphon atop your hand. You couldn’t act weak. 

That being said, Azriel joined your morning flight training. The night prior did nothing to stop him from going just as hard on you as before. You were grateful for it. While you and Azriel agreed that there would be no one else, that you would be a couple from now on, you didn’t want him to treat you differently. At least, not in the training ring. 

You let out a wince as the male across from you hit your arm, which you returned with hitting his leg and sweeping his feet from under him. You held the training sword to his throat, waiting for him to yield. 

When he didn’t, you pressed the dull tip of the sword further towards his artery. “Don’t make this any more pathetic. Yield.” You ground out. 

You had this problem with many males. They would lay there for minutes on end, not being able to disarm you but not wanting to admit defeat from a female. The level you were at now was the level that would take the course with you next week. And you were pretty sure if you qualified and made the Blood Rite, these males above all else would be the ones to make you pay for it there. But you wouldn’t give them the chance. 

He gave up after a minute of shifting, trying to grab your ankle or wait until you got tired. You could wait like this for days on end and not let up. You would never let another male disarm you and make you yield or beg again. Not without fighting. 

“Shadowsinger,” you heard from the other side of the ring. Your new trainer, Leron, was watching the entire encounter. You did nothing wrong, so if you got a verbal lashing from it you would not be happy. “You’re doing the course tomorrow. By yourself. No other male wants to compete with you.” He said. 

Your neutral face turned into a scowl. The qualifying course was meant to be completed as a unit. While you didn’t think any of the males would help you, they needed to qualify just as much as you did. So they would do it for their own progress. 

That didn’t matter, though. You’d run the course by yourself before. Sure, you only finished in 15 minutes and not the needed 10, and it was significantly smaller than the actual course, but you could do it. “Fine,” you said. “Tomorrow? I was supposed to have another week of training.” 

“You’ll get another go at it next week.” He said and shrugged. You rolled your eyes.

“Alright, see you tomorrow then.” You said and turned to go back to sparring. 

“No more training today, either. You should rest.” He sneered. You clenched your fists, seeing your power flicker in your Siphon. You took a deep breath and turned back towards him. “Okay.” You simply said and walked past him through the training ring gates. You didn’t need to train with those males anyway. 

You had been out there for four hours and you were starving, so after a quick bath, you made your way to the mess hall. You paused when you heard shuffling in one of the smaller stables. You leaned forward, instructing your shadows to cover you as you made your way inside. You saw Ragna and a male you recognized but did not know the name of. Sucking face. You pursed your lips and turned around quickly, knowing that she could handle herself. And that from the looks of it, she was enjoying herself. You were shocked a male in this camp wasn’t intimidated by her. Next to you, she was one of the best female warriors here. She had advanced further than the other three, but wasn’t close to your level yet. 

You continued on your way to the mess hall, deciding that after a quick meal, you would go to the smaller practice course Azriel set up and run it until sundown. And maybe after as well. 

The qualifying course was no joke. You could’ve sworn they put all the most difficult pieces together just for you. Because every course you saw only had one of each piece. The climbing wall, the steps, the giant piece of wood that swung around. When you practiced last night, you had done each of the smaller ones in record time. But this was a bigger version. 

You asked that the Inner Circle not watch, even Azriel. He wanted to, but you knew Rhys sent him to watch the queens and you didn’t want to interrupt that. And if you had that humiliation of failing in front of them… you weren’t sure you could recover. Granted, a group of males stood around the course, some exchanging coppers and marks, probably betting at which point you would fail. But your fellow females were there too. They were standing together, not talking to any male and not bothering to reply to their retorts. You would finish this course in record time. For yourself. But for them, too. To prove that they could do it one day too. 

You took a deep breath, glancing at Devlon and the other commanders. They were doing this to wear you down. To show that a female couldn’t do it. 

They were wrong. 

The total course had a time limit of 1 hour. They were being generous and said you had an extra 15 minutes since you were alone and not in a unit. You didn’t need it. 

While you ran the course, the noise around you was filled with yells and jeers as you did each obstacle, climbing the wall, running the steps, jumping over fallen trees. Your wings were bound for this too, but you learned how to work without them. After all the practicing and training, this course was easy. And the females watching only drove you to complete it quicker. And perfectly. You didn’t take any shortcuts, didn’t use your shadows. You instructed them to stay all the way at the beginning of the course. And you certainly didn’t use your Siphon. Even a flare of it would disqualify you. So you did everything with the pure strength of your body and mind. 

After 15 minutes, you didn’t even hear the males anymore. You only heard the winds, your steps against the dirt, the constant thrum of the wooden pole swinging in front of you. You got through each obstacle with ease. And you finished with a time of 45:02. Faster than any unit within the past year. 

When you finished, you were panting, catching your breath. And then you saw Azriel. He was standing there with nothing but pride on his normally unreadable face. You told him not to come, but of course he wouldn’t miss it. Cassian would’ve been there as well if there wasn’t a problem at Ironcrest he had to deal with. But Azriel, the male you spent an incredible night with, and the male that trained you to do exactly what you just did. He was there for you. When the rest of the Inner Circle obeyed your request, he stood and watched the whole thing. You didn’t even care about the other males as you launched yourself in his arms, laughing to yourself. “I did it.” You whispered. 

“I’m so proud of you.” He whispered, holding back from kissing you. “You were amazing. I wish I could show you.” He said and pulled away from the embrace. 

You stepped back, knowing that if you stayed any closer you would probably mount him right there. You took a deep breath and turned towards Devlon. “So?” You asked. 

“You’ve officially qualified to enter the Blood Rite this spring…” he said, the males around him yelling out in protest. As if you didn’t just run a perfect course on your first try. “Will you accept the challenge?” He asked. 

You nodded, a small smirk coming to your lips. “Yes, I’ll compete in the Blood Rite.” You said. 

He nodded and turned towards the other commanders. 

“I’ll have to stay here until it starts.” You said to Azriel, watching his features turn from pride to worry. He was so happy that you completed the course. But there was the other side of the coin: you were going to compete in the Blood Rite. And that terrified him. Losing you terrified him. “Hey,” you said and stepped towards him, your shadows swirling around you. You lifted your hand, cupping his cheek. “Remember, my first priority is to survive. I’m not looking to be a hero. I just want to prove myself.” You said. 

“You have… you did the course.” He said. “I- (Y/N)… I don’t know if I can sit by for a week while you’re out there fending for your life..”

“You’re going to have to.” You said. “I’m not just doing this for me, but I’m doing it for them.” You said and turned towards the females, smiling as you saw them elated at your victory. You could see the shift in him. “If I complete the Blood Rite, they can too… and we can have a female unit.” 

Azriel stared at you with unspoken words in his eyes. He wanted to tell you to be careful. To reconsider. But he had doubted you once before and he was proven wrong. He would not doubt you again. He couldn’t afford it. Couldn’t afford what doubting you meant. “I’ll be waiting for you, right there, when you get back.” He said and nodded towards the cabin. 

“And I’ll meet you, crowned just as you are.” You said and nudged his arm. “The first female Carynthian.” You said, walking towards the cabin. When he didn’t follow, you turned around. “You have to go back to spying?” You asked. Rhys and Feyre went off into the Mountains this morning, and you hoped you could get some time alone with Azriel while they were away. Now that you had to stay here until the Rite. 

“I do… but I’ll be back… I don’t want you alone on the night the Rite starts.” He said and you smiled a bit. 

You glanced around, noticing that most of the Illyrians had gone away. “I’ll see you soon, Spymaster.” You said and kissed his cheek. 

Rhys and Feyre came back from the mountains a few days later, Rhys’s wings were bleeding and he could barely stand up. Feyre was visibly upset about something and before you could even approach them, Mor winnowed Feyre away. To where, you would find that out later. 

You stepped forward and helped Cassian and Azriel get Rhys inside. “What happened?” You asked as you set him down on the couch, telling Az to go get Madja. “Rhys..” 

He stumbled over his words, telling you about how they were attacked and Feyre had to catch the Suriel to find out how to help him. In doing so, she found out that Rhys was her mate. And she wasn’t too happy that you all, him above everyone else, lied to her about it. 

You all stayed in the cabin at Windhaven that night. Mor wouldn’t tell you where she took Feyre, she wanted to be alone. So, you waited around while Madja healed Rhys as much as she could. You opted to train with Cassian and Azriel the next day. You were worried about Rhys and Feyre enough that it was a little distracting being around the other Illyrians. 

When you came back that night, you fell asleep in your leathers, sprawled on the couch. You had a layer under your leathers since the day was particularly cold and you didn’t bother taking anything off. The cloak you threw on to walk from the training ring to the cabin was still tied around your neck, your hands buried inside the fur. 

That night something changed within the cabin. The fire went out and you shot up, feeling someone cover your mouth with a cloth. There was a scent of something on it that you couldn’t quite place while you tried to get out of their grasp. You saw Azriel appear in front of you, staggering back at whatever site he saw. And in that moment, your shadows separated from you, your magic drained, and your vision began to dim. But just as the last drop of power slid out from under you, a coil in your abdomen snapped, causing you to let out an audible gasp. In the process, you breathed in the last of the scented cloth and passed out into the arms of your captor. 

When you woke up in the morning, there were two things you knew to be true. 

Azriel was your mate.

You had entered the Blood Rite.

A/N: Annnd a Cliffhanger for you all... luckily next part is a 2 parter :)

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@herondale-lightworm

[otakubimbo]

The Rabbit and the Wolf

Chapter 3

You’re just starting to get used to living back in the village. Spending time with your sister. Helping out all the teams. Even enjoying times with friends. All of your friends?

1 2 3 4

18+MDNI

You hadn’t even broken a sweat. Team 7 on the other hand laid out in front of you. Truthfully they did do a good job, they were just new to being ninjas and there’s always room for growth. They had decided to take you on one at a time and then all together. Kind of a stupid idea because it just tired them out but it was good to see what they had individually. Kakashi didn’t even intervene or give any suggestions, just sat under a tree reading his perv book. You squat down to Sakuras level.

“Also, just to let you know I’m only 25. I’m not old.” You state poking her in the forehead and she groans. Kakashi chuckles softly to himself. “But since y’all at least tried your best, I’ll treat y’all to ramen.” You grin and Naruto jumps up yelling his favorite catch phrase. You chuckle, he still had some energy left, looking back at Kakashi you stand.

“I’m not paying for you though, you didn’t do anything” you state helping Sakura up groaning. Once all the kids are up, you throw your arm over Sasukes shoulder leading them to ramen. Kakashi slowly drags behind y’all. You’re going on about what they all need to work on and if they actually pay attention and train hard they may be able to land a hit on you in about 20 years.

Your face is so bright as you speak, Kakashi can barley take his eyes off of you. He was already mesmerized watching you spare with his students. Spare is a strong word but the way you danced around them so gracefully, like a dance. The way you moved always impressed him, it told everything about your skill as a ninja. Strong. Gracefully. Deadly. With a sigh, he follows behind y’all until you pick a spot to eat. This situation was going to be complicated at best, a disaster for him at worst.

The next few weeks fly by as you sit into a routine. You go visit your sister, train with Team 7, home and repeat. The boys were showing great progress, Sakura was well….doing her best? EH she was still too busy trying to impress Sasuke in a way that he really didn’t care about but ya know that’s just how some girls were. You had met with all the other teams but the 5th really wanted you to stay with team 7 for whatever reason so you only helped with training with them on the occasion. Today was one of those occasions, you were with team 8. You and Kurenai were as close as one person could really be to you because one night y’all got too drunk and you told her all your business. You really need to work on your drinking habits.

You did enjoy her team though, you really liked Hinata. She was shy and self conscious but you saw the potential, you could see it in the way that she moved. A diamond in the ruff. You and Kurenai were casually talking as her team was trying to find the scroll that you hid somewhere in the village. You actually didn’t hide anything and were wondering how long it would take for them to figure out. The most important part about being a ninja is using your head.

“So have you and Kakashi actually talked about anything other than work yet?” Kurenai asks and you groan pulling a cigarette out of your pocket and light it.

“No, and I would actually like to keep it that way. There’s literally nothing to talk about. We definitely aren’t friends anymore, just coworkers.” You relent taking a drag.

“You don’t miss him?” She questioned with an eyebrow raised which makes you grown again and roll your eyes.

“Shit, probably but that was all ruined ages ago. I ruined it and he ruined it.” You plopped yourself down under a tree. She just sighs at you with her hand on her hip. For some reason, she thinks if y’all actually just talked to each other like normal people everything would just fix itself. Impossible. If it wasn’t for your sister and the joy you were getting from helping the teams out, you would have half the mind to bury yourself back into work and never speak to him again. Even though, y’all only talked about training it still felt like old times and you hated it. You did miss him. You missed him since the day you couldn’t find him after y’all’s night together. Not even in a sexual or romantic sense, you missed you friend.

“Y/N’ Kurenai states taking you out of your thoughts, you look up at her. “It’s literally been two years, just give it a chance. We are all having drinks tonight, come.”

You were about to speak when Shino approaches, obviously realizing your trick. After congratulating him for being the first one to figure it out, y’all wait for the other two. Of course it took Kiba the longest and you almost thought you would have to go find him.

At this point, you had hoped Kurenai would have dropped the situation but she didn’t. Once her team was dismissed she stopped you before you could leave.

“You’re coming.” She says, not a question but a statement. You sigh and relent.

“Fine” You say waving her off, you agreed on seeing her tonight. Of course you wanted to go out with her, she was your friend but you spending time with Kakashi outside of training wasn’t anything you truly wanted to do. It’s not like you’ve never had casual conversations with people you’ve slept with before but obviously this was different. You were inside your own head the whole way home even while trying to get ready for the night. It’s not like you were anxious, well you were a little anxious. You’ve been in near death situations and this is what you’re anxious about. You’ve killed people and this is what you’re anxious about?!?! Before you leave you grab a bottle of sake you had and took a swig.

Once you arrive at the bar the only ones who are there are Kurenai and Asuma. Good. You can have a few drinks and maybe even a smoke before having to deal with the absurd awkwardness that was to be this night. Kurenai was happy but surprised to see you. She just knew you weren’t actually going to show up, but if you were going to not only be in the village for a while but you work closely with him again so it’ll be in everyone’s best interest to just be friends again. That was your plan at least.

You were really enjoying yourself, you really needed this time. It was so nice to actually be able to relax for once without the looming thought of having to go on another mission soon. You did need a smoke though and as you go to light your cigarette, your lighter is dead.

“Asuma, help me out” You state leaning towards him with the cigarette in your mouth. As he goes to light it for you is when Kakashi and Guy show up. You slowly pull back with your now lit cig.

“Hmmn, didn’t know you smoked.” Kakashi states sitting across from you.

“Yeah, Asuma got me in the habit. He’s a terrible influence.” You say taking a long drag. Asuma chuckles and Guy slaps in on the back with a loud laugh. That cut the awkward tension a bit and then the drinks started flowing. Well the drinks were flowing for everyone but Kakashi, he wasn’t drinking that much, he wasn’t drinking at all actually.

“Kakashi! MY FRIEND! Why are you not joining us in the drinks!” Guy exclaims, loud as ever. You pound back a shot and look at him. He glanced at you but quickly looked away.

“Just here for the company.” He shrugs sitting back.

“But you were just saying how you needed a drink tonight!” Guy still yelling and you could feel the glare Kakashi was giving him which almost made you choke on your drink with laugher. Only you and Kurenai seemed amused.

After a few more drinks and some fun conversation, you knew you were done. Everything was kind of spinning and you probably had a few too many shots, tomorrow was going to be hell. Oh well, you had a good night and it wasn’t even too awkward with Kakashi. Yall laughed at the same jokes and you even gave him a smile or two. Mostly due to the liquor but it almost felt like hold times.

“Okay. Okay. It’s time for me to go.” You confess going to stand up and almost falling over yourself.

“Kakashi! Walk her home since you’re sober.” Asuma suggests and you shoot him a wide eyed look and then an immediate glare to Kurenai. Now why was she telling her man your business.

“Oh no, it’s fine. It’s fine. I got it. Yup.” You say even though you stumble a bit but get your feet perfectly planted under yourself. Kakashi stands up anyways.

“I got it, I know the way” He says placing his hand on your shoulder to guide you out and you just let him. There was no use in making a scene because that would just make the situation even more awkward.

He’s walking with his hands in his pockets, slightly in front of you as if he was guiding the way.

“Thanks for walking me home.” Your voice barely audible, if it wasn’t for it being silent there was no way he would have heard you.

“It’s not a new thing” He says casually. Yeah he said that but it surely felt like a new thing. It wasn’t like old times. Yall walk in silence until you get to your house. As always after drinking, you fumble with your eyes. Sighing, Kakashi takes them and opens the door for you and you mumble a thanks. Before going inside you turn back to him.

“Uhm Kashi.” You softly say, the nickname feeling so familiar to him. He looks at you questioning and takes a step forward.

“Can we go back to being friends again? I don’t want things to be awkward between us anymore and….” You say, taking a pause but feeling the liquid courage hitting you “ I do miss you.”

“Friends.” He says and the way he said it confused you. You take a step forward and look up at him.

“Yeah. Friends” you state even though it felt like you could barely breath. Your eyes a little hazy and watery from having too much to drink. He looked down at you for a moment and you couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Maybe he was just fine with being casual coworkers. But then he pulled his headband up and mask down. Now you were even more confused, you searched his face for any hint of what would be going on in his mind.

“Friends” He said again, a little different this time. Breathy. Slowly, you nod your head. You had no clue what was going on and it seemed as if he was also looking for answers. It was like he was waiting for something or contemplating something.

When it didn’t look like he found what he was looking for, he responded “ Friends, okay. We can be friends” and pulls his mask back up.

You just nod and he takes a step back. You blink a few times.

“Drink some water and go to bed. Goodnight” He plainly says turning away and leaving you in your door way.

This was good, yeah? Yeah. Friends. Good. Yeah.

[that-girl-lyra]

A (long) Rant About Fitness & Personal Health

So if you're new to my blog, hi, Im Lyra and I am a 27 y/o who is very passionate about fitness and physical health. A few years back I was 165lbs and very unhappy, so I decided to start working out and then boom, currently 116lbs and 18% body fat. (Im 5ft2)

I didnt do that through some wacko diet, restricting my food, keto, whatever. No. Simply put, I ate food, and lifted heavy shit over, and over and over. And whoda thunk?! I lost body fat, gained muscle, as well as mental clarity, improved my sleep health, and physical health as a whole. And another fun fact, I still ate "bad food". Oooo, scary. Pizza, beer, burgers, cake, cookies, if its food, I want to eat it, and I did (and do).

It irks me on a cellular level that some people try to convince others that the only and or best way to lose weight, is to follow some weird ass diet that likely has more health risks than benefits, and the people theyre trying to convince, are already pretty vulnerable and are ready to try pretty much anything to get results and FAST!

Whilst I more than understand wanting results asap, fitness and physical health is not something you will see results and progress with in a short span of time. Sure, you might start feeling a little better after a month of implementing a fitness routine, but you'll look the same, and more or less still be the same. Fitness above all else teaches patience, and discipline. The muscles, slimmer figure, or whatever your original goal was is just a bonus.

Let me break a few things down for you;

Food is fuel, so fuckin EAT

You dont need to be keto, or follow the carnivore diet, vegetarian, vegan, nada. Nothing. Zilch. Zero, to be able to lose weight and gain muscle effectively, efficiently, safely, and be able to maintain a healthy body.

The best thing that I have ever heard regarding food (and it helped change my own relationship with food) is a quote from personal trainer and fitness coach Alex Tima from Hybrid Wellness. Alex said "There is no such thing as bad/unhealthy food. There is only more nutritious food, and less nutritious food".

Too much of anything isnt good, and too little of anything is also not good. Thats why we call it a "balanced" diet.

A lot of fitness influencers and whoever now days are trying to convince their followers to follow a strict diet of only animal products and maybe some fruit, all while eating one meal a day because "thats what our ancestors did!". Yeah, and our ancestors died at the ripe old age of 30.

True, we are/were hunter gatherers, but evolution is a thing as well. Just because back then we could survive off of only one meal a day, doesnt mean we have too now. More so, the biggest and strongest of our ancestors, still ate more/the most!

Bottom line, eat food when youre hungry. Eat good food. Meats, fruits, veggies, grains, fats, etc.

Dont let anyone tell you that youre undisciplined because you dont subscribe to any particular diet.

2. If You Wanna Look "Toned", You've Gotta Put in the Work

After becoming more fit and healthy myself, I have had quite a few people approach me and ask how they can do the same. However, nine times out of ten, they all say the same thing, or at least some variation of "I just wanna look more toned".

Well guess what? You will not look more toned, if there is nothing to tone.

Cardio alone will not help you achieve your goals. Sure, walking is fantastic and jogging is a great way to increase cardiovascular health and stamina, but it will not make you look more "toned". For that, you will need to build muscle. And how do we build muscle?

WE LIFT HEAVY SHIT WE EAT LOTS OF PROTEIN AND THEN WE LIFT HEAVIER SHIT

Unless you are literally training like Sam Sulek, you will not look like Sam Sulek. Lifting weights will NOT make you look "big" or "bulky" if you're not trying to become big or bulky. Just lift a good amount to where its a bit of a struggle, and increase the weight gradually overtime as you become stronger.

That with a little bit of cardio works wonders. Not just cardio or weights by themselves.

Again...balance

3. FUCK THE SCALE

Sooooo many people are obsessed with the scale, being skinny, having the smallest BMI they could possibly get but let me tell you something.

My own mother has been obsessed with not only her weight (shes an almond mom with the exception of booze), but mine for as long as I can remember. Shes done so many diets, taken god knows what concoctions of...whatever, pills, etc all for the sake of being skiiinniiiiiiiii!!!!!

Guess where she is now? I mean sure, shes super fuckin skinny, but shes got diareah 24/7, liver damage, blood problems, thyroid issues, she had fuckin scurvey, and various brain issues and pretty much, delusions. But so long as her weight is low along with her waistline, she does not give a fuuuuuckk.

Guys, its not worth it. Do NOT stress over the numbers you see on the scale or any BMI calculator. Its okay if you want to drop a few pounds, but I highly HIGHLY encourage you to just simply take progress pics instead. Your eyes may lie to you, but the camera will not.

I could go on and on and on about this topic, but this is already a long enough post, and I don't want to info overload you lol.

To wrap up, fitness and personal health is all about balance. Nothing more, nothing less. Balanced diet, balanced sleep, balanced workout plan, etc.

If you have any questions whatsoever, please feel more than free to drop into my asks! Ill be more than happy to answer them when I can :)

[everygame]

Cobalt Core  Developed/Published by: Rocket Rat Games / Brace Yourself Games Released: 08/11/2023 Completed: 17/01/2024 Completion: I’ve beaten it six times including once without using the starting three characters.

Slay The Spire is great, isn’t it? I mean you could basically play it forever. Except… I stopped because I felt like–at least for me–I had to play it focusing on defense, and after beating it a few times it just started to feel samey. With well over a year since I last touched it I’m wondering if I was being a bit unfair on it–I mean I played it for so long it’s like those Steam review that are like “140 hours, I got bored, 1 star”. But let’s imagine there was a roguelike-like deckbuilder where you could dodge instead of just putting it all into block.

Hang on!!! We don’t have to imagine! Because here’s Cobalt Core!

Cobalt Core takes Slay The Spire’s metagame–by which I mean the entire thing where you do three branching levels experiencing events, fighting normal enemies and bosses and collecting or removing cards from your deck and getting passive powers via artifacts and that–exactly and throws it onto an actually rather more complex card game set up. Instead of selecting one character, you now select three (each with their own selection of cards) and a space ship (which provides its own playstyle quirks) and then in each battle you’ve got more to think about than just playing your cards. You also have to think about your ship’s positioning, because you can move it to either avoid damage or make sure that you’re hitting your opponent. Actually I suppose you still do that by playing cards.

This is a really fun change, and it also makes things even more complex than they already were. Not only do you now need to think about how much damage you’re putting out on a turn and how much defense (in this case, shields), you now need to think about how much movement your are gaining, or spending, and where that means your ship will be or needs to be. And in turn you do this with a deck that’s made up of cards from three characters whose abilities can be wildly different making adding new cards to your deck a minefield of potential combos and non-bos.

To start with, it’s totally overwhelming, with every screen packed with information. Then it suddenly clicks (probably quicker, much quicker, if you’re an old hand with Slay The Spire) and it becomes super fun. You feel powerful, in control and it starts to feel a bit… easy?

Then you pick a new character and it’s frustrating and confusing again. Then it’s fun! And… a bit easy?

Basically, you’ll continue this loop as long as you like, and something nice about the game is that it’s not particularly bothered about you playing it on progressively harder difficulties or anything (unless you really want an achievement or whatever) so you actually can choose a level where it’s not as easy, or you can just not bother.

Where it falls down a bit for me is that it’s got a really cute narrative with excellently written characters, and I liked it a lot, but to unlock the “true” ending you have to beat the game 18 times. It’s simply… too many times! Being able to do it on the easiest difficulty helps, I guess, but then that just ends up being a grind, and if you’re like me and played the game multiple times over with one character failing every time till you got a handle on them/got the right drops, that means a lot of time spent playing this. And the more I played it the more I felt like I hit the same issue I had with Slay The Spire. The game makes healing so rare that even though you can move to avoid getting hit, it’s still so hard to avoid getting hit you still need to put a lot of focus on defense. To the point that the character with defense is probably the best one in the game (and the one with movement is a close second.) So I guess the change here wasn’t enough, and just like Slay The Spire I started to find this too samey.

But just like Slay The Spire you’ll play this for so long until you find it samey that it positively feels churlish to say so. If you can get through the initial complexity you’ll have a great time. Just don’t feel you need to see the true ending, I guess.

Will I ever play it again? Well, after I wrote most of this I actually decided I fancied seeing if I could beat this on the hardest difficulty, and after a couple of runs I did and I had fun as well! So there’s something still oddly moreish about this, even though I’m intent to put it down for good.

Final Thought: Something I must say is that it may simply be in the nature of these kinds of roguelike-likes that you will always have to concentrate on defense somewhat because a single death is, well, the end of the game. It’s like how if you chose to play Doom or whatever with a single life suddenly the way you play it changes completely. In basically everything else I love to play glass cannons–games where you die and reload–and it may simply be a case of horses for courses. Every time I have to choose a boring-ass card with shields on it rather than the one that’s like “do loads of damage” I slightly die inside, but maybe that’s not you. Maybe you’re boring!!! I mean… maybe my complaint doesn’t hold water with you because you accept that bit of the design. Support Every Game I’ve Finished on ko-fi! You can pick up a digital copy of exp. 2600, a zine featuring all-exclusive writing at my shop, or join as a supporter at just $1 a month and get articles like this a week early.

[shockwaifuafterdark]

Saw your godrick headcanons and uhh there were DEFINITELY feelings

If you're doing requests, we need a seluvass one where one of his potions doesn't work on the reader, but they pretend that it does, and we do things willingly for the shits and giggles of seeing him 10 mi deep in his own massive ego. Jk jk...unless? Sft/nsft, I just thought this one might be up your alley. Jerkwad guys in big hats, yada yada.

WAIT WHEN DID I POST MY GODRICK HEADCANONS?? I do have them but I honestly can't remember posting them to Tumblr yet? Unless you are talking about screenshots of discord convos I had with my friends about wanting to clip his stupid toenails and also setting him up with an evil jester wife?

Okay, I'd like to preface this by saying that I am a huge fan of creepy asshole characters. I am attracted to both Varré and Godrick. That being said, Seluvis is just not really my thing. Maybe a little too pompous for my tastes?? Or maybe it's the whole being turned into a basement puppet not being my kink? Probably the latter because I once wrote a short smut piece featuring Master Neloth and he is at a similar level of Supreme Prick.

However! I decided to write this anyway as a little challenge. I hope you enjoy! I probably will not write any more smut for him in the future though, sorry.

Also I apologize that it took me so long to get to this, I had major writer’s block.

Warnings: elements of hypno kink, drugging, and dollification, this is consensual but creepy and somewhat sketchy because Seluvis, Seluvis is his own warning, reader insert/tarnished is also somewhat creepy in this, explicit smut 18+ only

Also on AO3

Deep blue with gilded flecks, swirling and twinkling like a tiny captive galaxy…

The contents of the small glass vial mimicked the garb of the man who held it out to you. And much like the man, you knew definitively that there was not a drop of anything wholesome held within.

He may call you a witless dullard, but surely he had to know that you were no idiot, at least not one of that massive caliber. 

You shot him an incredulous look.

“You want me to drink this?” 

Seluvis huffed haughtily as if you had just asked if the Erdtree shown golden. 

“Yes. That is what I requested. You know I am not the type to ask such things in jest.”

You had heard him, and you were well aware he wasn’t exactly the joking sort. However, you were just as aware of what his potions did, you even had helped administer them for Marika's sake. Moreover you were very much aware of his… affinities for these puppets. He had to know that you knew the implications behind his order, and yet he ordered it still. It was brazen, wild, and he sprung it on you as casually as a request to sweep the leaves off the second floor landing.

“And.. why?” You queried. You know there would be no answer that could possibly justify such an outlandish thing, but you could not help but be intrigued.

“Were you not listening? Did I not tell you that I was working on a tincture to captivate even the likes of Lady Ranni? Hmph…Judging from your vacuous expression, you really are going to need me to spell this out for you, aren’t you? Fine. As you know, the special brew I am currently concocting is highly experimental. The theory behind it, flawless as it is, has yet to be tested, perfected. Something of this magnitude, if it were to fail, would spell disaster for us both, you understand. And while I am able to bend mere mortals with ease, I hardly have a demigod at my disposal on which to perform a trial run.”

“So you chose me.”

“Precisely. You are tarnished, lowly and wretched by nature, and yet you also possess three great runes. While you are far from a demigod, you have proven yourself to be much more than run-of-the-mill has-beens that populate these lands. There are simply no other viable candidates.”

“Just to clarify, you are asking me to forsake all the progress I have made and just… willingly become your puppet.”

"Do you think so lowly of me that I’d betray my best asset for the sake of my pride?” he scoffed, “This formulation is only temporary. A simple trial to ensure I am making steps in the correct direction. You shouldn't feel or remember a thing, I assure you."

You were quite frankly shocked that he was asking in the first place. If he really wanted you as his test subject so badly, he could have simply spiked your tea. You almost felt special, in a way. It was almost as if he cared, giving you the choice (or at least the illusion thereof). 

“Why go so far to say you could consider this an honor. It is not often that a simple provincial like yourself gets a chance to make history,” he added, seeming far too convinced of his own words. 

It would be downright foolish to drink it, but hadn’t you become somewhat of a fool for this man already? Learned to enjoy his acidic words, and found an odd sort of comfort in his unsavory tendencies? In a previous life, you had been a perfumer. You were no stranger to the use of odd concoctions to bend and manipulate the senses. As foul a man as he was, he was someone you understood, a kindred spirit in a way, finding meaning through the services he could render and the imposition of control. You knew logically that you should find this morally reprehensible, but you supposed that you were simply as rotten a soul as he. He found solace in his puppets, and you found solace in him.

Oh, and you had witnessed the way he looked at those puppets. How he cooed at them and snuck a gentle caress when no one was looking. As odd as it was, you were somewhat jealous of them. You wouldn't feel or remember a thing. You would awake as if nothing had happened, he promised you. But you knew what would happen in the interim. He would not be able to resist the urge to play with a new toy, even if only temporarily, and the knowledge that he would have done that to you, that which you secretly craved from him, even if unremembered, was enticing, arousing. Up to this point you had been relatively sure that he had little idea of your strange attraction to him, but perhaps he was more socially astute than you gave him credit for. Or perhaps he assumed you would be into him out of pure arrogance. Or perhaps he really did think you were, in fact, that much of an idiot.

Whatever his intuition, you were, despite your better judgment, about to prove him correct.

You hardly even registered yourself allowing the awful little thing to be pressed into your palm, too caught up in the brief brush of his glove against the side of your hand and how loud your pulse was. Could he hear it? Gods, you hoped not. Heaven knows he didn’t need that sort of ego boost. Quickly, before you let your rational mind stop you, you grasped the bottle, uncorked it, and tipped it back in a single swig.

The effects were immediate. Your vision tunneled, your heart thundered, the dizzy blackness bleeding rapidly to dye the fabric of your reality to the uncolor of oblivion, taking everything you were with it. It felt like falling, but softly, floatility, as if the air itself had thickened to cushion your descent. Somewhere far away you could hear Seluvis say something pertaining to your eagerness, about time, about savoring… You could not tell whether it was praise or derision, nor did you care. All that mattered is that his voice was oh so lovely to listen to and that the taste on your tongue indescribably sweet.

…

You came to under the turquoise glow of glintstones and the smell of damp earth, old stone, and sorcery. You were still groggy, sight blurred and distorted, slightly disoriented, but the place had a vague familiarity. 

“Ah, finally opened your eyes, have you?”

That was Seluvis’ voice, no mistaking that. You had been in his “tutelage” long enough to recognize the odd combination of soothing tones and portentous condescension even if you were fully asleep. Sure enough, as you willed your eyes to focus the vague dark shape in front of you sharpened into the form of the Perceptor, wearing his usual garb, minus his hat for whatever reason.

“Good. I nearly thought you defective.”

You wanted to point out that he seemed to think that even when you were at full capacity, but your tongue still felt slightly numb and heavy in your mouth and you didn’t trust any of your words to come out as anything but a slurred mess. You wiggled it around a bit, feeling your tastebuds tingle as it awoke from whatever stupor you’d been under. Some sort of flavor lingered, and you wondered if your confusion upon waking was the result of drunkenness, but no, this was sweeter and more comfortable than any spirit could have been. Moreover, why would you be with Seluvis if you had just imbibed. He would surely only dampen any festivities or merriment. The current location was hardly anything like a feasting hall either.

“You simply refused to walk on command. Perhaps I should have expected as much. You always were a willful thing. I had to carry you all the way down here like a damned sack of tubers. You best prove worth the effort.”

Down. Ah. That would make sense. You were underground, which would certainly explain the darkness and dankness. Underground. But not in a cave. No, the walls were deliberate, the angles geometric. Though faint, you caught a whiff of incense. Also, behind the preceptor was a neatly made bed. Underground. Seluvis. Bed. Stone walls. Glintstones. Ah! Yes, you had been here once before. This was the hidden basement where Seluvis stored his puppets. So now you knew the where and the how of your current location, but that only left the more elusive why?

That was answered in mere moments when he kneeled down to your level. His breath was heavy against his mask, and though you could not see them, you felt his eyes on you.

“What a pretty puppet you make…”

Puppet. Oh. That’s right. The potion. It must be finally wearing off. That means… ah. It was as he said, you retained no memory of the events. You didn’t even feel any tactile evidence: your body wholly undisturbed. You were disappointed. But the tenderness in his voice in this moment was still more than worth it, especially as he continued.

“Even a mind as brilliant as mine failed to fully capture how exquisite you’d be under my control. No mere imagining could ever compare.”

Stars above, did you want to melt into that voice. You were just about to lean forward, to nestle into his shoulder to show your appreciation when he stood up suddenly and brushed himself off, seemingly having fallen right back into his regular smug, off putting demeanor.

“Even if you took so long that I even had to begin to disrobe unassisted.”  

Wait, did he say disrobe? But… 

“Rise puppet,” he commanded you. Instinctively, you obeyed. Your mind began to race. 

“Good. Excellent even.” He breathed out, voice full of awe once again. 

Mother of Marika, you hadn’t missed a thing had you. The potion must have briefly knocked you out but he had yet to… and now he was… You felt lightheaded, partially because you had just stood up after being down on the ground for however long, but mostly from the massive hit of adrenaline the realization gave you.

You wanted to grin, but had to stop yourself. You were supposed to be his puppet were you not? Though, you supposed the fact that you almost grinned was evidence enough that you technically weren't. He circled around you, inspecting you like a scavenger ensuring the corpse he was about to feast on would not suddenly awake and bite him. No, you were far too in control of yourself to be a puppet, but if you pretended… if you let him believe you were… The idea felt thrilling, almost as forbidden as the art of puppetry itself. He grabbed your hand, manipulated your fingers and wrist, which you kept limp in his grasp. He hummed approvingly before letting go and stepping back with his hands together, standing poised and proud.

“Now dear, come, remove your master’s mask so he can… inspect you more closely.”

You felt dizzy at his request. Despite being in his proximity for some time, you still had yet to see his face. You could neither hesitate, nor could you be too eager. In this moment, you were his puppet. You were only allowed to see this side of him, to touch him, because he believed it to be so. Thus, it was with calculated precision that you stepped towards him and reached to remove that which hid him from you. Your fingers ran along the sides of his mask reverently, seeking some manner of clasp or strap to undo. Seluvis huffed.

“Just as brainless as always,” he chided. “No matter.” His gloves guided your hand to the top of his mask,  and under the fabric of his hood to a small fastening. Snapping it open, you felt the mask loosen, so lifted it away from his face. It seemed strangely intimate, seeing him for the first time. He was surprisingly handsome: a strong nose and jawline, well groomed facial hair, a harsh and furrowed brow, and eyes the color of ice under starlight. Though he bore deep creases from his age, it somehow only served to make him appear more dignified. It was quite unfair that he looked as much the part of the distinguished sorcerer he claimed to be. He grinned smugly as you did your best to keep your expression neutral, mindless. You wished you could take time to map out his features by touch, but for now you waited, outwardly patient, as he leaned in closer to scrutinize you, taking your chin between his fingers and turning your head however he pleased. It was as demeaning as it was exciting, being handled like this, like an object, but his pleased hum made it worth it. “Good,” he murmured, “very good. What a lovely specimen you are.”

You prayed to no one in particular that he didn’t notice how your face heated up. 

“Mmmm," he continued, "you make such a pretty puppet.” his grip loosened and he instead brushed your cheek fondly. You wished you could lean into his touch without blowing your cover. You wished you could kiss his finger as it swiped over your lip. “I should have known as much. You were always my puppet, were you not? Following me so obediently, even drinking this little potion for me. Perhaps I should have deceived you after all, waited until I could give you the full formulation? Have you forever at my beck and call? My own slayer of demigods, reduced to nothing but a vessel of my will… and my desires…” He buried his face into the crook of his neck, and you could swear he was sniffing you. "All the things I'd do to you…"

By Marika, this should sicken you, but as he groaned openly against you, it was not disgust that stirred in your guts. Fuck. Here, thinking he was alone with an empty doll wearing your skin, he was so openly needy and expressive. He grabbed at your sides and kissed the exposed flesh of your neck without grace. It’s literally everything you’d been hoping for. He was treating you like an object, yes, but a precious one.

His eyes were practically gleaming as he pulled away from you and out of your line of sight. You waited with bated breath for his next command. To your frustration, none came, and you just had to stand there, neck set at an awkward angle as you listened to the shuffling of fabric and mumbled words behind you. He was speaking too lowly for you to catch any more than snippets but what you did overhear…

"...make this quick…” “If only…” “...properly study you…” “...construct a replica…” “...at my beck and call…”

…was mildly horrifying. It also served to stoke your building anticipation so you certainly weren’t complaining.

When his touch returned, it was bare fingertips against the back of your neck. You had to bite your lip to stifle a gasp. He had cold hands, strangely delicate hands. His warm breath following behind was a lovely contrast. He mumbled something as he reached around to your front, undoing the first few buttons of your tunic and grabbing at your chest, gentle at first, then roughly, bony fingers digging into your flesh and kneading with little regard for your own comfort, greedily seeking sensation. Heedless of his selfishness, your body lit up beneath his groping and your nipples hardened under his palms. He made a delighted, self-satisfied sound as he felt it. Knowing that he could not see them from this angle, you rolled your eyes. 

"Your body is so receptive to my touch," he gloated, as if this was all a result of some sort of perceived bedroom prowess and not a bodily reaction that could be achieved just as easily by a particularly cold breeze. Not that you had much room to talk, considering how into this you were, especially as he began to pinch and lightly tug on the erect buds. He buried his face in your hair, and you could definitely hear the distinctive sound of him inhaling. "I can smell your pheromones. You are ripe and ready to be picked, your ravenous little flower starved for its gardener's seed…" You had to bite your tongue to stop from laughing, and even then it was a close thing. Fortunately he was too wrapped up in his strange and wildly inaccurate plant euphemisms to notice the twitches of your chest that you couldn't suppress. Radagon's ass, this man worked at a college. Perhaps that whole coupe was warranted after all. He quickly redeemed himself by pulling you back against him, grinding your ass against his crotch as he dipped the hand not holding you to him down your opened tunic. Seluvis let out a loud and wanton moan as he humped you desperately at this odd, uncomfortable angle. It was shameless, pathetic, and turning you on something fierce in spite of his lack of tact and botanical knowledge. 

“Oh my sweet darling, do you feel what you do to your master? How immeasurably aroused you make him?” Honestly, you didn’t really. There were still too many layers between you to feel any specific evidence. Oh, but you heard it; his voice was practically dripping with it. “I mustn't be too hasty though,” he added, halting his movements and unhanding you. “I must make full use of you while I have you. While you’re mine.” He gave your ass a parting squeeze before retreating once again. More mumbling and the shifting of fabric, then he called for you.

“Come to me. Your master is ready for you to properly service him.” 

Upon his command, you turned around and walked over to a small table that he stood beside. He had removed a few layers of outerwear and set them upon it, evidently unconvinced of your competency in removing them after your fumble with his mask. You were too excited to be offended by this, instead focusing on how much of a difference those layers made. While there was still no skin visible aside from his hands, head, and neck, the absence of the outer robes made his silhouette remarkably less imposing, far more human.

“Now, on your knees,” he instructed and you doubt you could have dropped any quicker if your brain was empty of all thoughts but his instructions. He tilted your head up to look at him and smiled, even going so far as to bite his lip. “Perfect,” he said “You are a rare sort, exquisite in craftsmanship, competent, powerful…”

You’d never heard him talk like that, not to you, not to anyone. You had to admit it felt good. 

“Well, no time to waste,” he said with a sigh, removing his hand. “You exist to serve me, and serve me you will. Your master yearns for your touch, be a dear and undo my trousers for me.”

You reach up to the lacing in front of you. The material of his pants were thick, but not thick enough to hide his excitement. You went slowly, keeping the tremble in your hands to an absolute minimum, focusing on the current task and not what it would lead to.

“Now, take out my member.” Of course he would call it that. You don’t know why you would have expected otherwise. You simply counted your blessings that he didn’t ask you to “polish his sorcerous staff” or something. You slid his smallclothes to the side as best you could and freed him to the open air and your eager scrutiny. It was short but actually quite nice to look at: uncut, with the flushed head just ever so slightly peeking out from his foreskin, which itself was a delicate peachy pink. It was oddly cute, as strange as it felt to apply the adjective to any part of Seluvis.

"Don't be shy, give it a kiss," he urged you and you obeyed. He was warm velvet beneath your lips. He let out one of his long, heady moans that you were already becoming addicted to. “Yes, yesss… now, lick. Top to bottom, nice and slow…” His instructions were easy enough to follow and soon enough you were making do with little more than “Just like that, oh such a lovely thing you are, keep going!” His fingers tangled in your hair as his head fell back in bliss. However, after a few minutes, his patience for the lackadaisical pace wore thin.

“Faster,” he bade you, “use your hands, too. I know they are good for it.” And so you sped up, your hand sliding wetly over his shaft as you licked diligently at everything you could reach. He was already bucking against you by the time he asked you to take him into your mouth. 

“Open wide.” You did and promptly slid in. It was quite the boon that he was not more well endowed, all things considered. You weren’t entirely sure if puppets had gag reflexes, but he fit in your mouth easily enough. “Yes,” he hissed, “Now suck.” You did, and from the sounds he was making, it was evident that he appreciated your prompt adherence to guidelines greatly.

He began to fuck your mouth, slowly at first, but definitely picking up speed, holding your face like a vice as he used you. It was getting frenzied, devolving into reckless thrusting and grunting interspersed with breathless praises, and the occasional invocation of your name. Your eyes watered as your nose was shoved again and again into his trimmed and shampooed pubic hair. Lavender and lilies, sweat and musk. You could tell he was reaching his limit and you were determined to see this out to the end. Unfortunately, something, be it divine intervention or simply his focus slipping too far, decided otherwise. A particularly forceful thrust hit your tongue in such a way that you couldn’t help but choke. Reflexively you pulled back, a coughing, spluttering mess.

Glancing up at him revealed that he wasn’t faring much better. It was as if all the color had drained from him. You’d seen less fear in the eyes of a man looking down the maw of a dragon.

“You're… awake…” he eventually managed, and… abject terror was actually a pretty good look on him. Huh.

You coughed a couple more times before clearing your throat and wiping away some of the saliva on your chin with the back of your hand and offering him a sheepish little smile. 

“It appears I am.” Your attempt at levity did nothing to ease the tension in the air. “If it helps, I have been for a while.”

He turned this information over in his head a few times before masking his still present fear with a scowl.

"And you didn’t think to inform me immediately?! Do you understand how much you could have damaged my progress by withholding this? Hmph! Some assistant you are!"

"Mmm, is that so? Odd, just a handful of minutes ago you were singing my praises.” 

"You! You heard that...” he spluttered. It was by far the least dignified sound he had made thus far, and that was saying something. 

"Yes. In fact, I heard pretty much everything. That potion of yours… well. There’s no nice way to put this. It didn’t work.."

He was blushing now. His face and ears similar in hue to nearly ripe rowa fruit in the springtime. And despite everything, his erection had not waned.

"But you… obeyed."

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Hmm… maybe you were right earlier. Maybe I wanted to be your puppet for a bit. Or maybe I wanted to spy on you and learn your secrets.”

He began to stutter indignantly but you quickly turned his bluster into a drawn out groan by leaning back in and licking a broad stripe up his cock, fluttering your tongue with teasing intent that you guessed no mere puppet taking orders could replicate. 

"Or, maybe, I wanted to see you like this, a slave to your own desires… maybe I wanted to see you lose control for once… my master." His hips twitched forward, dick throbbing against your hand as it dribbled a long string of pre which you lapped up before pulling back. "Hmm I bet you command your puppets to punish you as much as service you, don't you."

"Why you little-!! Hnnnng!!" 

You gripped him tight enough to hurt and by the way he spasmed at the pain, eyes rolling back and mouth agape, it was obvious that he nearly came from that squeeze alone. You eased up on him, simply holding his cock in an unmoving hand, letting him come back down from the edge.

"You said it yourself, master, back when you first offered me a puppet of my own. I'm just like you. And you're just like me. We puppeteers are addicted to control, whether or not we are the ones at the reins." Keeping the hand around his cock steady and still, you began to absentmindedly tug at his sack with the other. "You're also right about another thing. I want you." More pre leaked from his cockhead. "I bet I'm the first person to tell you that."

His lack of response all but confirmed your suspicion. 

"You like that, don't you? Being wanted for once." Finally, you resumed stroking his shaft, looking up at him with the closest thing to doe eyes you could manage while grinning as maliciously as you were. He refused to meet your gaze, so you decided a little cheating on your part was warranted. "Mmmm Master Seluvis…" you moaned. He was looking now, and you highly doubted he could look away. Perfect. "Your Apprentice wants you. Wants your cum. Won't you be a Good, Kind, Master and do this one thing for me?" You stuck out your tongue and laved at the underside of his glans, keeping your mouth open in invitation. 

It worked. 

"Fine!" He barked, voice cracking. "T-take it then you voracious, whorish… whore..." Ah. You'd pushed him to the point where even synonyms escaped him. Shame he wasn't going to last long; you'd love to see how incoherent he'd get if you fucked him. He held your shoulders in a death grip as you readily took him into your mouth and moaned around him. “AH~! I'm—" he yelped before your name fell from his lips and you felt his hard flesh pulse inside your mouth, spewing salty bitterness against the back of your tongue. He was literally sobbing as you swallowed, milking him for all he'd give you and the sounds made you press your legs together to find some relief for your own ache. You kept suckling him as he cried from the overstimulation, only easing off his softening cock once his legs shook so violently that you feared they'd give out.

You smirked up at him, all blotchy and sweaty and heaving. It was doubtful things would ever be the same between you after this, so why not throw caution to the wind. You stood up and smashed your lips into a forceful kiss. He could only whimper against you. 

You had a great deal to think about.

But first, and most importantly, you needed to sit on his face. 

[leafy-ocean]

GUIDE TO QUABBI!

Hello!

You may have been browsing my blog so far, and have noticed that my species of fursona isn't a common one. You would be quite correct! Here is a huge dump of info on my fursona, his species, and his lore, thus far:

You see, my fursona is something I made up myself. The original species I came up with is called the Quabbi, or individually, a quabbit. Their species resembles a cat, rabbit, dolphin and human hybrid, but in the lore I have created, they in fact come from a close galaxy nearby, the Andromeda galaxy. They live in a galaxy similar to ours, with one sun, a few planets here and there. Right in the sweet spot is a planet called Deheldio. On Deheldio, the quabbits thrive as the main species of their planet. Their culture centers around agriculture, peace, and have been fascinated by space since their species gained sentience. The quabbit species have a lifespan of slightly double a human's, ranging 200-250 years, but their way of aging is much different to ours. They reach maturity around age 18 like humans do, but then they don't begin to show signs of aging til the late 200's. This makes innovation a whole different level of complex; you have minds aged decades upon decades working on the same ideas of those born in the last two. It made progression much more dramatic, yet streamlined between the best connections. In this universe, it is a parallel universe of Futurama. In the year 3069, Rio Geo's grandfather, who was the president of the planet of the time, made a peace treaty between Earth and Deheldio; By throwing the largest orgy in human history. Initially, humans discovered Deheldio and wanted to claim the planet as their own, but Rio Geo's grandfather convinced Zapp Brannigan himself to throw such a historical orgy. Rio never met his grandfather because he was born in the year 3399, but learned about him in school growing up and idolized him. Since quabbi breed so much, living in families of 3-5 adults and 5-12 children at a time, it was common to be related to historical figures.

In this lore, Rio exists in the year 3420. He works at "Space Amazon," ran by the head in a jar, Elon Musk. The head of Jeff Bezos sold it to him in the year 3402, and ever since Elon has made it a requirement to post updates and selfies to twitter, to make sure you are at work doing your tasks. At space amazon, you are assigned a one-man delivery ship to do your daily tasks and deliveries, and though it may be full time and a pain in the ass, Rio accepts it. Better pay than his planet, he always says. Since he began working there, he was able to save up for his own ship, complete with a kitchenette, full bathroom, living room with a huge TV, and 3 bedrooms, which is like heaven for a quabbit. Here he resides with his partner, Jak Rue, traveling space together. While Rio works, Jak works from "home" as a interstellar web designer. He designs and presents websites, programs, games, training exercises, and can facilitate 3d simulations and more from his own high-tech holo-top (like a laptop but its phone sized and projects the screen and keyboard and mouse) without needing to move. However, this doesn't stop him from being active; He is the most neat and articulated quabbit Rio has ever met. When Jak is not working, he's cleaning, cooking, exercising, gaming on the 3d-rig, or working on anything the ship may need working on. Without Jak, Rio couldn't have gotten this far, and vice versa. Their companionship is stronger than gravity in a black hole.

Quabbits have a unique set of reproductive quirks. All quabbi are born with both a vagina and penis. the only defining characteristics that a human could catagorize as male or female would be that "females" have breasts to feed their young, but other than that there is not a huge difference between the defined sexes. On Deheldio, gender is a much more nuanced concept, and much less important to consider in daily life. It's more about comfort and expression to the quabbi. Quabbi also lay eggs every month or so.

Quabbi also have several different traits that can be seen as "rare," as shown in this chart:

About 80% of the population is shown in green, 10% in yellow, 7% in orange, and 3% in red.

Here are two reference sheets that show these traits highlighted:

I hope this was helpful with explaining how my fursona works! if you have any questions, feel free to shoot me an ask, and I'll reply and/or update this post accordingly! Til then, Thank you for reading and I hope you make a quabbit of your own! (tag me if you do!)

[netflixofficial]

What do you consider to be "comfortably middle class" and what was the first treat you got for yourself when you finally reached feeling financially comfortable ?

(Un)fortunately I am unable to answer anything about class without a full rant and essay so: short version is I don't remember. Long version of my financial life context and many thoughts about how much capitalism and classism suck are below the cut.

I did include a couple notes on treats I bought along the way of getting out of poverty though.

Okay first I just need to make sure people understand that when I say I grew up extremely poor, I mean that literally. Maybe most people here are capable of taking me at my word, but I once had an ex look me in the eye and say "You probably weren't actually poor, you were most likely lower middle class and just didn't realize it." ... We had been dating for several YEARS at that point and I was too taken aback to respond. Honestly should've dumped the asshole then and there, but I digress. Point is I've had people think I was exaggerating every time I mentioned being/having been poor for well over two decades now and I'm sick of it.

So let's do the math. Growing up my stepdad was disabled and didn't contribute (this isn't a knock on disabled people just him, that's a therapy session on its own). That left my mother trying to raise three kids at home with a part time job. She tried doing online college to get a better paying job, but suffice it to say the economy and job market struck her out regardless. She only ever made slightly above minimum wage and hours were inconsistent, but let's be generous and say she made $10/hour and got 32 hours a week. Again, pretty sure it was less than that. She had trouble keeping places because anytime my stepdad was in the hospital there was no childcare for the youngest, and she'd have to call in or other scenarios like that. I may have issues with my mom, but she did try. The system isn't built to get out of. There are documentaries on that I can refer people to if they're interested. I'm giving a very high level version of my progress getting out, but am glossing over many things and unfortunately I truly am the exception not the rule. Anyways:

$10/hour * 32hours * 52weeks = $16,640 a year

Below are the federal poverty guidelines from a random year I was in highschool. Unfortunately the government doesn't care that different cities can have dramatically different costs of living and moving to a cheaper place requires having enough money to move. I think theses cutoffs are ridiculously low and whoever sets them has never tried actually living because you couldn't even pay rent in my current city at these levels, but either way my family was well below the threshold. We only made it by through welfare and even with that there were bad months where I didn't know if the electric would be shut off.

Again two adults (though you can exclude my stepdad if you want idfc) and three kids at home.

I think that sufficiently sets a baseline. When I went to college I was able to get a ton of financial aid (grants, scholarships, and federal student loans), and while I know a ton of people talk about being a "poor college kid" for me that was the first time I didn't have to set every cent I had aside in order to afford necessities for the next year. I used the college's meal program and was able to get whatever I wanted instead of only cereals that were WIC approved. I worked a few different jobs throughout college and was happy. (Note: I'm lucky I never needed major medical care in that time because it put me in the space between state healthcare and being able to afford any commercial plans).

I think the first purchase I remember in that time frame of going from extreme poverty to college kid finances was some fun heals from Kmart. They were red with bows on the toe and I only wore them a couple times but they were super cute and not something I would've even been able to consider spending $20 on before.

Classim tangent: college professors make a ton of assumptions about who is in their class and never seem to expect that their students could possibly have a different financial background than them. Like sure I know I was beating the stats by making it in and not dropping out, but having a professor tell a class of aspiring teachers that they "think poor people make bad financial decisions" was a serious slap in the face. They have no idea what they're talking about.

Anyways, eventually I switched majors and added in IT. I had an internship my last summer before my December graduation and started making $19/hour and that's when I count myself as truly first entering lower middle class. I kept to the same college living style at that point so I could pay off my debts quicker since as it turns out poverty is kinda traumatizing and I wanted to reduce any risk of ending up there again. On graduating I got a job offer at the same company of $66k a year with benefits. Again I mostly kept the same lifestyle but after close to a year I *did* upgrade from my old beater car to a used mini cooper. Six years later I still have that same mini and love it so much.

Not to brag, but also fuck it I think I can be proud of my accomplishments, I'm really fucking good at my job. I've continuously gotten good raises over the years, and quickly paid off all my debts. A couple years ago I made the leap to homeownership and moving to a bigger city. So I have a mortgage now but that is somehow less scary than other debts and after down payment is actually cheaper than renting here (which is ridiculous and another way the system isn't built for people to easily get out of).

My lifestyle has changed a little bit, but not severely. Really my biggest treat to myself is literal treats. I love food and hate cooking, so while I try to be somewhat responsible I do order out quite a bit. I'm also thankful I can do that because when my depression gets bad it's really hard to motivate myself to make food even though I know I need it. I'm able to save for retirement??? That was a foreign concept growing up. Something people did on TV not IRL. I don't take any of it for granted. I do want to plan a real vacation sometime soon and visit another country, but that big of a trip is a bit daunting so one thing at a time.

Classim tangent #2: oh. my. goddds? People who work in companies that pay nice middle class wages with all their middle class coworkers have some serious disconnect sometimes. I mean don't get me wrong everyone has their own situations and could have serious expenses I don't know about like sick relatives, but sometimes things will come out of their mouths that just make me go "damn, you've never actually struggled financially have you?". I listened to a coworker complain about how much taxes were and that it made it hard to get by then twenty seconds later talk about going on their yearly cruise. Like I'm sorry, but I'm still trying to convince myself it's okay to take real vacations. Paying taxes is a fucking privilege. I may disagree with proportions of government spending but goddamn if I'm not proud to be contributing towards public infrastructure and supporting families like the one I grew up in. That conversation wasn't a one off either, it's a common theme that seems like nobody can understand until they've been so poor that the government looks at them and says "What taxes? You literally have nothing to take. But also you still have to prove how poor you are to get any benefits and we will spit on you in the process."

I guess that all brings me to my current financial situation. There's not as straightforward a cutoff like federal poverty line, but the top few articles I've found link to the pews research calculator or census bureau data which I'll link below. Both indicate I'm not just comfortably middle class, I'm upper middle class to low upper which is something I'm struggling to fully process right now. I had a couple very large raises the last two years which put me at $120k. Uncomfortably close to the top 10%. I do have recurring donations set up for various charities and should probably increase them. I have been thinking a lot lately about how there should be a maximum wage and considering what one I want to set for myself. Anything over that would go to charity in addition to my existing donations. Definitely less than 200k which seems impossibly high but also isn't outside the realm of possibility with my current career trajectory and that's a bit crazy.

Going back to (upper) middle class being delusional - this cannot be the same 120k that both my ex and a different former friend somehow had financial stress while making. Like borrowing money from parents to have a financial cushion just in case level stress. At the time I didn't want to shit talk because I cared about them, but I was still a bit confused and now that I'm further removed from those situations I'm honestly pissed. It's one thing for people with kids or other major life expenses, those I get. But the people I'm talking about were more similar to my current finances than not, they just didn't have the same frame of reference from being poor or apparently any financial literacy. Hell I'm not even financially literate but I have enough basics to know I'm in a good position. The fact that this income class can shit on the poor for making "bad decisions" (granted it was different people who said that) and then turn around and complain about their own finances dumbfounds me every time.

Also since I've written an entire essay anyways, it's insane that I make this much in IT working a basic 40hours (and rare on-call to fix things if they break at night) while people working intensive manual labor or emotionally draining jobs make so much less. It's insane that the 1% make 4x or more, and the .1% insanely higher. The economic situation of the USA is fundamentally broken, and Congress's frame of reference is their own salaries which put them in the top 10%. The federal minimum wage hasn't been raised in 15 years while inflation continues to increase. As someone who made it from poverty to upper middle class, I think I'm qualified to say that this shit isn't working and something needs to change. You can't claim to be one of the greatest countries while there are homeless people starving in the streets and billionaires throwing whatever the fuck kind of party billionaires throw. The income gap just gets worse year after year and they keep throwing the same lines out over and over as if it will fix itself. Literally the definition of insanity and it needs to stop. We need to do better.

[chronic--experiences]

Vent Post! This doesn’t totally relate to what this blog is about so feel free to scroll. I just had to put these thoughts out there on an account my friends don’t follow.

I feel like this entire week has been shit. Last week was my spring break, which I did nothing for because my pain was so bad I could hardly move.

My last day of spring break (Sunday) my partner breaks up with me.

Tuesday I find out that one of my favorite professors has passed away unexpectedly due to surgery complications.

Wednesday my best friend confessed her feelings for me, which you would think is a good thing but I only see her as a sister, and I feel like shit for not being able to reciprocate the feelings.

My parents are going away for the weekend which means that I was going to be alone upstairs, a rare occurrence in my full house, and I’ve been looking forward to just taking this weekend to sit on the couch and literally just get out of my bed, but SURPRISE! My oldest sister who recently moved out is going to be spending the weekend here because my 18 year old sister doesn’t want to be in the house without her dad (because, you know, having her 22 year old sister in the room next door wasn’t good enough) and guess where her room was before she moved :). So now I’m once again confined to my bed while she sits in the living room upstairs and blasts the tv.

I just want to enjoy myself for one day. I can’t even go anywhere. The only free place is the park, and I’m not well enough to walk around like that. I can’t even treat myself out to breakfast or anything, I’m completely broke. I’m on a medical hiatus from work so I’ve been surviving on my savings and my mother has been helping me with gas and some of my groceries. I was supposed to get a $1,200 tax return but my mother told me yesterday that she wants all the money from that since she’s been helping me with my financial situation. I do appreciate her help, but I’ve been looking forward to having that money so maybe I could actually do something again.

But I can’t! My chronic pain and illnesses have completely taken over my life. I’ve barely seen my friends this semester because of how often I go home sick, and my moms been getting on my case about me missing classes as if I’m ditching them for a party or something instead of writhing in pain on my bed. I was trying to catch up with my friends this past week and I realized just how much I’ve been missing. It’s my fear coming true that my illnesses would lead to me falling out of my friends lives. I try to talk to them but when you’re not there for multiple major events it starts to add up.

And my family is once again back to dismissing my pain! I have a high drug tolerance and a long history of drugs becoming less effective very rapidly, and I told her that I think I’m at this point with one of my pain medications despite the dosage being increased. I feel like my back pain is also being dismissed by her because she just restates that I’ll be getting my epidural injection. Which I am excited for! But one injection may not even do much, and even though it will help temporarily it will likely make my spinal epidural lipomatosis worse because there’s a strong correlation between the condition and increased levels of steroids in the body, and the injection is literally putting steroids into the spot with the lipomas. And again I’m excited for getting pain relief from the injection, but it’s not a cure. There is no cure for how rapidly my spine is degenerating, and no one lets me talk about it, and they all want to act like it’s not a problem that in five years it’s progressed so much that I can barely walk. And they still haven’t figured out my joint pain!

I try to talk to my friends about some of this stuff but one of my best friends just wants to offer solutions, which I appreciate but again it’s not like it can just be magically cured in some fantastical way. And my other best friend just can’t devote any time to me right now. They’re in a weird spot where their two year relationship with their partner might be ending, and that’s all he can focus on right now. I love them but when I went to their dorm to talk about how I was grieving my professor, he just wanted to talk about his relationship.

I’ve got other friends but they all have their own stuff going on and it’s not like they can do anything about these problems. I’m in a theater group with many of my friends and that typically brings me a lot of joy but it’s such a mess right now. The show is going to be exactly one month from our first table reading, and we’re still missing two actors to play supporting roles. I have no clue how they think they’re going to pull this together in a month, considering we had two months last year and some people still didn’t know their lines the day of the show. And this one involves much more choreography than the last one. Even if rehearsals run smooth, I don’t know how many days I’m even going to survive being there. Im doing observation hours for teaching so I’m at the school at 7am, and rehearsals aren’t set to start until sometime after 5:30pm, we don’t know the exact time yet. If it’s like last year it will be 7pm when it starts, which means I’ll be having 14-15 hour days where I constantly feel sick or pained.

Im just so tired of feeling like the bad things continue to get worse, and the little things I try to look forward to seem to get spoiled in some ways. I have to keep reminding myself of my goals for the future but it’s so hard when everyone says how miserable it is being a teacher, and when I think about the fact that I could lose my mobility within ten years.

Im losing my ability to walk, I lost my partner, I lost my professor, I lost my money, I lost a chance to sit in my own fucking living room for once. I’ve lost time with my friends, may lose this show if theater can’t pull itself together, I’m so tired of losing.

But anyway that’s my vent.

[furryprovocateur]

if you only read one of these update posts, read this one.

i am just going to say it: this is the chapter that bested me. why do i say that? well, it's because of this.

these are the directions i eventually had to write out so i could consistently RNG advance this chapter to get a favorable outcome. the character order mattered heavily. the pararentheses are how much i advanced rng by and who i used to advance it (the latter for consistency in replication, it doesn't matter who you use to RNG advance otherwise.) i only did the first four turns because those are, far and away, the most crucial ones to map out. why? multiple reasons.

a. kishuna leaves at the end of turn 4, but you want to attack him at least once so that way you can get him to spawn in 4 units that each drop something (basically a prize for being able to reach him). reaching him isn't hard, per se, but it relies on his AI cooperating with you and putting himself in positions you can reach. i was able to consistently get him to go into the left part of his trio of blocks and get close to the wall such that i was able to get florina to attack him. if he leaves by the end of turn 4, you're stuck with stronger enemies that don't drop items. on the one hand, it's more experience, but on the other, funds is more of a concern to me and this chapter already has enough difficult enemies to worry about.

b. this chapter is fucking PLAGUED with long range units. there's a sleep staff user, a berserk staff user, and a silence staff user that will all be pelting your shit with statuses (even with kishuna's magical seal, they'll find nooks and crannies to cast in.). look, i get it. statuses are meant to be difficult to deal with. but, up to this point, you've only been able get ONE restore staff, and it's entirely missable (granted, if you miss it, asses to you, it was right near your starting position.). not only that, but you have limited deployment in this chapter, meaning that if your healer (should you bring one) gets silenced or (god forbid) sleep'd, you're losing a shitload of progress at best and you're fucked at worst. by far the worst one to deal with is the berserk staff user, but he's simultaneously the easiest one to counterplay. he will always go for the unit that has the lowest resistance and is not a healer/ninian. so, he's at least manageable. the silence staff user though? fuck that guy SO hard. he always goes for your healers (obviously) and it feels like the dude is nearly incapable of missing with silence. i would estimate i dodged his silences maybe 20% of the time at most. the rest of the time i was eating shit and losing priscilla's ability to do anything but rescue and trade. so, i absolutely NEEDED this guy dead asap, and turn 4 is the first time i could kill him. i had to RNG advance a critical hit with hawkeye to guarantee his death (thank god for hawkeye being a berserker and not a warrior or something. innate berserker crit was a lifesaver here.)

c. level up control is not only very convenient if you can help it, but it also makes a good indicator of your placement in the RNG. if you're getting the same level ups, your strat is consistent with the RNG and you can manipulate it. it helps that i was getting pretty good level ups for raven, so this was sweetening the pot even more. seriously, raven's walking away from this chapter at level 18 with 19/20/20 offensive stats, max HP, and pretty good defensive stats as well. if anything, i'm very tempted to promote him before FFO, but i think i'll wait until he hits 20 to do so.

d. this is slightly related to b, but shit rolls downhill and it snowballs in this chapter. one mistake will lead to a bunch of mistakes and a lot of lost time. this is THE chapter i need to maximize the most amount of corner-cutting out of as possible, so something like a 20 turn clear might look acceptable, but, for me, it's not. i even skipped the silver blade for this exact reason (to be fair, the thing's only 1800 gold and the most out of the way chest to reach. it's a calculated risk.).

so, with all of this in mind, genesis was my ordeal. but, i did manage to overcome it. i even got eliwood to level 16 (which was a way huger pain in the ass than it needed to be, but whatever). i'm over the moon about how this chapter came out overall, because it was giving me probably the biggest hurdle of all the chapters thus far, second maybe only to 13x, which i had to do a similar "follow these directions" setup for. RNG advancing is a double-edged sword in that it's very convenient to always be able to follow exact instructions, but good god i would trade it all just to have RNG that rerolled every time. i know, i know, limitations of the GBA cartridges, but still.

so, with linus' FFO, i am now at promotion time for many units. i need to seriously contemplate who i'm going to be using long-term in this playthrough. tentatively, i'm thinking sain (lol), florina, raven, heath, kent, guy, bartre (i want karla damn it), and probably fiora (only iffy on her because having 3 fliers might be redundant and she's basically turned out to be an inferior florina.). as far as the healers are concerned, i'm not sure if i really need to promote either of them. if funds will allow it, sure, but pent is my expected endgame staffer, and while serra + priscilla have been doing wonders for my experience rank, that drops off precipitously after promotion. still, physics are going to be consistently useful, so i'll likely be using them for most of the rest of the game. it's more just a matter of seeing if they hit 20 by that time. again, if i have the funds to swing it, i'll try it. but, for all these funds considerations alone, i made a safety backup save in case i really shit the bed on funds like i almost did in the HNM warm-up run. i have a way better idea of how to manage funds + what i'm doing overall, but i'll be damned if i let mismanagement rob me of this S rank.

no one's going to ask, but i used afa's drops on ninian for the unbelievably high swag levels. afa's drops might as well be a "who do you want to see when you take a picture of your S rank", and ninian has arguably the best quote out of all the possible choices. for anyone curious about seeing what quotes are available, all of them are listed here.

seriously, i would do unspeakable shit to that silence staff guy. i would feed him to dogs.

[maiji]

fight / flight part 3 thumbnails and page sketches

This is the behind the scenes work-in-progress overview for fight / flight part 3!

I feel like I’ve exhausted my current level of ability to compose and draw fight sequences. It was a struggle, to say the least! But it was also a lot of fun and deeply satisfying when I figured out how to get (something close to) the effect I wanted to achieve. I started the thumbnails and page sketches in early August and worked on it intermittently, with a chunk of about a week or two where I got most of the pages inked (on the computer). Then it was more intermittent progress until this past weekend when I finally powered through the rest!

All sketches of the pages are below the cut, spoilers for Part 3 progress.

With regards to the thumbnails versus the final pages:

I learned from last time and did my thumbnails bigger (2x2 instead of 3x3 a page) so that I can better compose the sequences and tell what the heck is going on.

You can see I actually started the first page as Hokushin stretching his arms out to grab for both swords. At some point I decided to then squeeze another page in before that one, giving a bit of a pause for Hokushin to collect himself before he charges at Otake. The goal was to build up that scene a bit more. The text on page 16’s thumbnail reads “slowly getting up first?” and I think we lost the sense of that in the page by itself, but the reader can (hopefully) make that connection in their brain when actually reading from Part 2 to Part 3 without a break). The important thing is that still maintains the pause, so. 

Page 18, the head-on charging page. I was already thinking about this moment back in 2021 - it’s the test panel here of Hokushin crying with rage/despair as he attacks Otake. It seems like a no brainer now that this section is done, but when I first started scripting/thumbnailing, I actually wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to work in the scene. But I did it! It’s just drawn from a slightly different angle and with more details only possible now that I’ve gone through this part of the story, which I think works better to convey the forward momentum.

Page 19 is pretty much exactly as I thumbnailed. I was very happy with this page and the dialogue! Also it was lots of facial closeups so that is always a joy/relief to draw, hahaha.

Page 20 also pretty much as I thumbnailed

Pages 21-23 were the most difficult and last pages I finished. This is mainly because I didn’t figure out the panelling on page 21 till the very end. That page was very tight, trying to pack in an eventful but short sequence of Otake getting more injured, dropping his sword, and doing some sort of attack that would land Hokushin on the ground. At the last second, when I was pretty much done inking everything else, I came up with the idea of basically smacking Hokushin across the head hard enough to flip him over - and snap his neck, if he weren’t a rokurokubi. (I always like to take advantage of opportunities in the story that highlight Hokushin's stretchy nature.) Then I had to redraw a batch of panels on the following page to make it better follow the motion. I still think it could use more work, but short of reworking a lot more - it is what it is, which is done!

Pages 24, 25 also pretty much the same. 

Other thoughts:

Continuity was a challenge. I kept forgetting what damage Hokushin and Otake had already sustained and had to keep going back to retouch pages. In fact, after I reposted to tumblr (which I usually do last, after waiting a day or so in case I catch more errors I want to fix before sharing it there), I then realized I had forgotten to draw all of Hokushin's upper arm injuries from Part 2, sighed and reopened the files to blob some more blood on him. I also realized some of his facial injuries/cuts are not technically rendered the same but at this point it really is a "probably only I would notice if I didn't say anything about it" so eh. May the record of this inconsistency serve to educate lol.

Had a bit of a hard time trying to get Tomoe Gozen to look on-model from how I drew her in Survive.

I am very grateful for splatter brushes. Splatter splatter wheee. There’s a fine balance of… finding the balance though, as I found sometimes the blood splatters got in the way of actually seeing and conveying the impact of the action. But between blood splatters and speed lines that helped a lot with creating a sense of action and FIGHT without having to draw every single blow.

I’m still not entirely happy with the finished pages. Currently the thing that’s still bothering me is Hokushin’s position on page 23, in terms of the angle he’s lying at and how far he is from Otake. At one point I debated even repositoning them so that Tomoe was stepping over Hokushin to block Otake, instead of standing in front of Hokushin. But I don’t want to redraw the rest of that page because getting Tomoe Gozen’s pose looking decently believable took me a lot of wrangling, haha.

Here are all of the page sketches - without the text.

[Image set follows, showing the rough sketch stage for all 10 pages in part 3 of fight / flight.] 

A few more things to note:

On the opening page, you can see that there is a panel of Hokushin taking a step towards Otake that I dropped. It seemed to interrupt/disrupt down the pace between this and the next page in a way I didn’t feel was effective.

On page 22, the angle of Hokushin crashing into Otake is a lot more extreme/exaggerated, but when I started inking it ended up looking a bit ridiculous, so I rotated them to a more conventional angle.

Here are the two panels for page 22 top left that I had finished and then decided to completely re draw after figuring out the progress of page 21. You can see Hokushin has landed on his back instead and dramatically coughs up some blood. (Then I was like, "Oh I made him do that in Part 2 already. Seems redundant.") His landing also didn't make sense anymore with the action/impact coming from the side in the previous page.

Phew! Part 4 will have a lot less people whacking each other with swords and a lot less Hokushin being flung around. Thankfully!