#i do have to rework my design for her a little. realized i just made penelope sklonda lite.

[undercoverangell]

t4t odysseus and penelope im not taking feedback at this time.

[midnightechoes]

Five years ago today, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power premiered on Netflix. I had seen a few preview articles about it, and liked what I saw. Those articles mostly focused on She-Ra’s, Adora’s, Glimmer’s, Bow’s, and Catra’s redesigns, and I thought they were fabulous. I loved Adora’s new red jacket and bouffant hair style. Glimmer’s entire redesign was inspired, and I loved that they made Bow black so we could have more diversity in the main cast.

It was She-Ra’s and Catra’s redesigns that caught my eyes the most, though. They made Catra an actual catgirl, and not just in the anime sense where she's just a cute girl with cat ears and maybe a cat tail. She was a full-on furry. It was a brilliant design choice. Honestly it’s no wonder that so many were instantly drawn to her.

And of course, She-Ra herself. I loved her new look, and her huge ass new Sword of Protection. In fact, I loved it so much that I drew this picture of her before the show even came out:

Then the show came out, and needless to say, I fell in love. And honestly, it changed my life.

I know, I know. That sounds very hyperbolic, and to an extent it is, but in a lot of ways, I’m absolutely serious.

Alright, I have to back up a little. Back when I was in college, and for a few years after, a couple of friends and I tried to make a webcomic called The Devil’s Gate. It was minorly successful but eventually floundered. Then I met some people and we tried to make a video game, which also failed. After those few years, I found myself on my own and trying to rework the concept of my webcomic. Making comics, creating stories, those have always been my dream, and I was desperately trying to figure out a story I could make work, something that I believed in. But it never truly got off the ground. By the end of 2015 I had given up on the comic, realizing that after working on it for years in different forms that I needed to step away from it.

I didn’t really know what to do after that. I was still doing my quick daily doodles, but I wasn’t writing, I wasn’t drawing anything of note. I felt emotionally and physically drained of my creativity. I was honestly getting to the point where I thought it might be time for me to give up on trying to be creative or making things all together.

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power came out on November 13, 2018, but despite looking forward to it, I didn’t actually watch it when it came out. It wasn’t until that weekend that I decided to check it out.

I was instantly hooked. I binged through the entire season in two days, and did plenty of crying and cheering. And then rewatched it immediately. I was in love. I was obsessed. It had been a long time since anything grabbed me like SPOP did. I loved the characters. I loved the colorful, sci-fi-fairy tale world of Etheria. I loved how unapologetically feminine it was. And most of all, I loved how queer it was.

I hadn’t done a ton of shipping before SPOP. I’ve been down bad for harlivy for what feels like my whole life, and I was angry when Mika and HG didn’t get together in Warehouse 13, but more often than not I had just been conditioned not to look for queer things in mainstream culture, and even barely in subculture.

That is to say, when I was smashed in the face with Catradora I was surprised how much I glommed onto it immediately. I was absolutely taken with Adora and Catra and their relationship. Both characters were so relatable, and despite not quite being text (although the subtext was so loud and obvious it might as well have been text), it was impossible to not read their feelings for each other as romantic.

It wasn’t just Catradora, even if that was a lot of it. Spinnerella and Netossa being canon from the start was wonderful. How much Glimmer and Bow screamed “BISEXUAL DISASTERS” from the start was adorable. Scorpia’s crush on Catra was as cute as it was sad in its one-sidedness.

I had never really been in a fandom. That is, yeah I’ve liked things, loved things even, but I never found other people to talk about it at length, never found discords just for that thing, never read or wrote fanfic, barely ever drew fanart. 

But, I watched SPOP, and then I watched it again. And then I drew Catra. And then I drew Adora. And then I drew them again. And suddenly I was on AO3, a site I never frequented, reading Catradora fics. And then I had an AO3 account. That December I participated in Catradora Week 2018 (I’d never heard of this kind of thing) and drew two pictures for it and wrote my first fanfic.

By the end of February I had drawn more in the three months since the show had premiered than I had in the previous year. I was working furiously on a long, multi-chapter fanfic, and writing more words than I had in the previous couple of years combined.

I was inspired again.

In the 18 months that SPOP ran for, I drew more than I had in years, I wrote hundreds of thousands of words. I felt so rejuvenated and happy about my creativity and free for the first time in years.

It’s hard to put into words exactly how it felt. I was so close to giving up my art and writing, which honestly, would have been giving up a part of myself. An important part of myself. It’s not overstating that SPOP saved me, or at least my creative spirit.

I also learned about the wonders of being in a fandom and fandom things like fan weeks, big bangs, zines. And I made some wonderful friends that I cherish to this day.

Even as I inevitably moved onto other hyperfixations, my love for She-Ra hasn’t diminished. Plushie Catra and Adora sit next to me on my desk every day. Catradora art still hangs on my wall.

The inspiration that SPOP ignited in me hasn’t died either. It’s carried me through a tremendous level of creativity that I’ve been riding since the premiere. It let me create a ton of fan art for SPOP, and then RWBY and then the Witch From Mercury, and I’ve written a ton of fanfics for RWBY and Supergirl. And perhaps the best, that inspiration has helped me create more OC stuff in the last couple years than I had in a long time.

I owe She-Ra and The Princesses of Power so much. I am so happy that it exists and that it happened when it did. I’ll always cherish it.

And for real, Netflix, SPOP spin-off movies WHEN?!

[thoughtfulfangirling]

Indecent Exposure

Property: Gargoyles Characters: Goliath x Elisa Words: 3,634 Fics are for fun, so no I do not edit these or rework them. At least right now. My focus is just trying to write again despite very little motivation. This also means writing every silly little self indulgent scenario I'm inspired to contemplate. And that's what this was! Let's say that this is maybe between the first and second season? Still early on but not like, early early on. XD

The only light on in Elisa's apartment at this moment seemed to be a lamp in her bedroom. Goliath made his way to the slanted glass, to-ceiling windows outside that room of her place. He had asked once about human dwellings and found they varied greatly in size based on a number of different factors. The place she lived seemed quite small to him, but he was to understand that for the location and setup of this apartment, it was actually quite nice. Windows like this definitely did seem pretty rare, at least for spaces designated for dwellings. But, it was awfully convenient for his clan to have a place to land outside and large windows to enter through.

He tapped on the window before sliding it open in the way she had shown him. "Elisa?" He called, as he dropped into the room with the light on. He didn't immediately see her. He did hear some sort of fan running from behind a door connected to the bedroom that he knew did not lead to her living room. That was fine, as he was in no hurry. It seemed likely she was at home as there was light coming from under that door and light on in her room. 

Goliath turned his attention to the lamp, for it seemed to sit upon a bedside stand with a glass of water, a watch, some smaller items he didn't recognize, a piece of cloth that seemed to run in a circle, and a book. He picked this last item up: "Eyewitness Testimony: Civil and Criminal." It had several authors listed. He flipped it open and found that her bookmark wasn't very far into the book. Either it was a new book, or it hadn't caught her interest. He made sure the bookmark was firmly in place before flipping the pages to the start and beginning to read.

Goliath was just finishing the introduction to the novel when he heard a 'click.' He looked up from his reading to address Elisa, but words died on his lips as she emerged in the doorway.

She was mostly silhouette, given the light behind her was much brighter than that of the lamp in this corner of the room, which was opposite the door, but there was enough light for faint details to reveal that the figure in the doorway was naked, head bent to one side, a long piece of fabric being worked around the hair draped to Elisa's side.

Goliath's wings flew up as, startled, he made to block her from his view, knowing he had managed to violate her privacy. The lamp crashed into the wall as his wings opened and he turned away. He heard a startled cry behind him, but he didn't turn toward it, knowing what more he could see if he did. Instead he focused on recovering the lamp, half fallen between the corner of the room and the nightstand, looking like it may already be broken, but the light was still on. 

Goliath kept his wings partially raised, as much as the space would allow, to be a clear visual indicator that he was not looking her way as he fumbled the lamp back into place and began scooping up some of the smaller items from the stand that had been knocked down by the shifting of the lamp.

"Goliath?!" Elisa's voice was breathless and startled.

"I'm sorry!" Goliath said, closing his eyes and bracing his hand against the opposite wall. He looked up in exasperation and noted that parts of the windows, that didn't have the glare of the lamp and the room beyond, reflected the rest of the room. He dropped his eyes immediately, feeling a little dizzy. "I called out to you when I came in, but... I realize now you must not have heard me over that fan." 

He thought he heard a slight, breathless chuckle before he heard Elisa say, "You gave me quite a scare there. I wasn't expecting anyone obviously. Lucky I didn't have my gun with me; I was ready to shoot." And this laugh sounded more natural.

He heard her shuffling around, some drawers opening and closing. Needing to know what was happening behind him caused him to lift his eyes to the reflections in the window without thinking. Elisa's back was to him now, and the cloth hung loosely around her, covering her lower half but showing most of her back. He couldn't make out what she was doing except that she was hunched over slightly like she was looking down. He lowered his eyes again. He hadn't meant to look. It was a difficult instinct to fight, not keeping an eye on movement behind him. 

Goliath cleared his throat. "I should leave." But he didn't move immediately. To leave would mean to go back through the window and for the moment, that was where her reflection still was. 

"Goliath, it's fine. Just give me a moment; I'm almost decent."

"Decent?" He asked, for he saw nothing about her actions that would deem her indecent. He was the one who had intruded. 

"Covered up." She said in that way she did when she was explaining how a word was used colloquially without going into a long explanation. "There." She said, and he lifted his eyes to her reflection. It was even harder to make out fine details there than it had been when she was silhouetted by the room behind her previously, but it did seem she was wearing something at least. 

"You don't mind if I turn around then?" He clarified.

She laughed as she assured him it was safe-another odd phrasing, but he believed he caught her meaning well enough not to question. 

He turned around, and it seemed she had resumed the activity she had been doing as she came out of the room and rubbing down her hair with the cloth. She now had clothes on, but somehow he still felt like he was intruding. He'd never seen her in so little. Humans seemed to put a lot of importance on covering up their bodies, but she did not seem uncomfortable in the black, somewhat reflective shorts that seemed... well quite short. And the top, while covering her torso, only seemed to cling to her by little more than strings, with the neck looping low enough to reveal cleavage. And the way the fabric laid on her body seemed different as well.

"I was taking a shower. Between the water and the fan, it's hard to hear much outside of the bathroom." Elisa explained, finishing on the ends of her hair with the cloth. As she did so, she stepped back into the bathroom for a moment. "It's odd, I've never thought to ask you all about showering. You guys function like... well, like you're not magic. But I think you must be." As she emerged from the bathroom, she was without the piece of fabric she'd been using before and was using a much smaller piece that appeared the same fabric as her clothes to push back her hair from falling into her face. He'd seen similar hair pieces on women before, but they usually seemed to stop behind the ears and be of a rigid material. 

"What do you mean?" Goliath asked, though he found himself distracted now by something of a very different nature. Another thing he had noticed about human females was that their breasts, while very similar in relative size and shape to female gargoyles, seemed to have a different property. They didn't... move the same. There was a rigidity to them. But suddenly Elisa's were moving like those of gargoyle women.

"I haven't heard any mention of needing a shower or a bath from you guys since you've been in the clock tower. I think the sun must refresh you over night. That seems awfully handy." She stopped as she reached the other side of her bed, and as he opened his mouth to reply to her assertion, he found himself stopping at the expression she gave him. He realized, with sudden intense embarrassment, that she had caught his gaze. He searched her face for discomfort as he tried to figure out what to say. He couldn't read the expression. Discomfort is not how he'd describe it. Much of it was amusement, but he did see some color on her cheeks which he thought probably did mean he was making her uncomfortable. 

He looked down at her nightstand as an excuse to look away and noticed the book. He touched it. "Light reading before bed?" 

Elisa sat down on the corner of her bed, leaving space between them. 

"I try to keep learning." She said with a shrug. "You know Goliath, if you have any questions for me, I am always happy to answer what I can." 

This caused him to look at her again. She was offering to him to address what had just happened but leaving him with an out. He didn't know why he was so embarrassed all of a sudden. Curiosity was natural, and there was a lot he didn't know. Elisa had always offered to fill in gaps where she could. In his previous world, it did not matter much what he did not know of humans or their ways. But now, if they were to survive in this world, humans were all they had for their communities, if they were to have any outside of their small group. 

He gave a nod and turned more toward her, fighting off his discomfort at broaching topics that seemed taboo. "The clothes you are wearing." He started, but found he wasn't even sure what the question was he was trying to ask, or how to ask it. This was not embarrassment, just a lack in knowledge about human norms. 

"My pajama's." Elisa offered with a nod. 

"Pajamas?" Goliath questioned. This felt like a route that would get him answers.

"They're clothes we wear to bed. Well, that's normally how it's thought of, but honestly, many of us wear pajamas as soon as we get home. They're the most comfortable things we wear." She gave a wry grin. "If we decide to wear anything at all. Many people don't wear anything to go to sleep."

Which begged the question, if he had not interrupted her, would she have gone to sleep as he found her? Had she put these on for his sake? And if so, had she done so for his comfort or hers? He ignored these questions for the ones more relevant to interactions with humans more generally.

"So modesty rules do not apply in the home." It was a question, but he made it a statement to demonstrate that he was starting to understand, and that the conversation was going in the direction of providing answers to the things he was curious about. 

Elisa gave a shrug, which with new revelations, did make Goliath uncomfortable. He tended to see the differences between gargoyles and humans more than he noticed their similarities, which did not seem to be the case for all of his clan. One of the more distinguishing differences to him when interacting with the women, was this oddness about the breasts. It wasn't like he ever stared. It's just a thing he noticed once, and then they meant nothing more to him than the color of one's hair or width of their shoulders. But suddenly the similarities stood out to Goliath as he acutely felt how long it had been since he had looked upon a woman he found appealing in a more sensual manner. He could never deny his attraction to Demona, but now seeing her brought so many painful feelings that there was no room for something as simple as attraction.

As he wrangled with these thoughts, Elisa had explained the various settings and modes of dress common among humans. He was able to gather peripherally that he had always encountered Elisa when she was dressed for work or a practical night out and about. That pajamas, or PJs as she'd started to refer to them, were one of the most casual of attires humans wore, and the degree of how revealing they run tended to depend on the relationships they had with the people they lived with, if any. 

It made a certain amount of sense to him. He had just assumed humans were much more modest than gargoyles, and he would have to consider this new information. It certainly made some things he saw often on the streets make much more sense. 

"Something I said seems to have made you uncomfortable." Elisa suddenly said, and Goliath realized that as she finished an explanation, they had lapsed into silence. 

Goliath looked back at her and saw an expression of concern. "No. Not at all. I am merely... thinking. I am seeing that I have made many assumptions without realizing. I... understood less than I realized."

"Is that upsetting?" Elisa asked, drawing her legs up and wrapping her arms around them. It was a casual movement, but something about the movement or her posture belied a sudden discomfort she hadn't had earlier.

"No. Certainly not." Goliath replied, shaking his hand. He looked about the room. He had the urge suddenly to not seem to take up so much space, but his choices seemed to be to sit on the floor or on the bed, and after everything she had just said about homes and bedrooms and sleeping being the most intimate locations, he felt to sit on the bed might make her further uncomfortable. "I am more concerned, after what I learned, about your comfort. Does it... is it upsetting for you that I am here rather than your living room? That I saw you earlier naked?" 

Elisa laughed, and that tension she'd had a moment ago seemed to ease. Her uplifted legs moved to a crossed position, and she leaned forward. "What would you do if it did?" There was a playful note to the statement that suggested she was not, but humor sometimes masked that which made us most uncomfortable.

"Well, I could certainly leave immediately. Perhaps that is what I should have done right away. I... don't know about the other, but if there is anything I could do that would... ease any discomfort, I would hear it." 

Elisa chuckled at that, and Goliath found himself once again diverting his gaze. He found himself desperate to know what had changed about Elisa that she... moved different all of a sudden, but he had already stumbled into crashing into various sensitive topics. Though it was a relief at how remarkable Elisa was taking it. He wondered how grossly he had overestimated human modesty practices. 

"What?" Elisa asked, her tone serious again. "Something keeps making you uncomfortable. Is it too strange seeing me like this? I can put on more clothes if I've managed to make you uncomfortable. Perhaps I’ve assumed too much about a lack of modesty among Gargoyles based on the attire I've seen?" There was genuine curiosity in her voice, but also a hint of frustration.

"No." Goliath assured her. "We do of course cover sensitive flesh, but it is mostly out of comfort than modesty."

"Then it's to see a human naked?" Elisa asked, and again there was something in her tone he couldn't quite interpret. "You have such an appreciation for the arts that I assumed you would have at least seen nakedness in art and photography."

"I have. Yes." He interrupted. "It's none of those things." He sighed. "I apologize. You have done nothing wrong. I am the intruder here. You are not making me uncomfortable. I simply find that I am confused, but I do not need to understand everything."

"Goliath, where else are you going to find answers to your questions? I don't know everything, but it's not like you can ask your books a question and get an answer. I at least could ask a librarian and find books for you. Look. I promise, I'll tell you if you ask me a question I don't want to answer, but you have a right to understand this world you live in, and I've offered to do what I can to help you. If I don't want to answer myself, if it makes me uncomfortable, I can try to find books on the topic for you." 

Goliath sighed and readjusted his wings, uncomfortable. Elisa pushed some hair that had fallen over her shoulder back. She made to tuck it behind her ear, a gesture he'd seen from her often, but of course the piece in her hair already held the hair back from her ears. 

"I don't know how to ask about it without questioning you... you're," He gestured helplessly at her chest and then jerked his hand back, realizing how brusque that must appear. It was embarrassing, but a relief when Elisa let out a burst of laughter at the gesture. 

"Boobs? You want to know about boobs? Goliath, gargoyle women also have them. Or at least Demona does. Weren't you and Demona intimate before she went... well, you know." She shook her head in a manner that suggested she meant to say Demona was crazy. 

Goliath shook his head as if to clear it. "Gargoyle women yes, they do have breasts. But they... move differently than yours. Or, I thought they did." He felt a bit light headed. This was not a conversation he wanted to have, but yet he found he was desperate to understand.

Elisa tilted her head and gave him a confused look. "I'm not sure I follow. I can't say I've noticed anything notably different, though of course I haven't seen Demona's naked breasts. Is that what you mean? You have referenced your kind lay eggs, perhaps gargoyle women don't have nipples?" Her voice was pure curiosity, but after a beat, he saw color rise in her cheeks again. He was actually comforted by the sight. He realized that part of his uneasiness was how much more composed Elisa had been than himself through all this, when it seemed to him their roles should be reversed. 

"They have nipples." He assured her. "But when a gargoyle woman walks, her breasts move with the movement. When she laughs, they move. It's not something that seemed to happen with human women, only..."

Elisa had made a sound of understanding. "Mine have" she finished for him. She got up and walked to the set of drawers along the far wall from her bed. She pulled something off the top and tossed it to him. It appeared to be a top designed for a woman, only it looked like it was intended only to cover the breasts. He looked at it for a moment, then looked at Elisa again and raised a questioning eyebrow. 

"Typically before leaving home, we put one of these on. It's called a bra. It keeps our breasts in place. It can get uncomfortable to do a lot of physical activity without something holding the girls in place. It also prevents our nipples from being visible through our clothes." She gave a shrug. "For some reason, it's considered inappropriate to let them be seen in public." 

"But your men have nipples." Goliath commented on the discrepancy while setting the bra aside. 

"Yeah. It's pretty dumb." Elisa said, returning back to the bed and sitting back down, this time one leg crossed under her. She gave a sudden laugh and shook her head. "All this time, and you thought our boobs were just stiff." Goliath gave her an embarrassed look, and she shook her head in response. "No it makes sense! How would you know? It's crazy how seamlessly you all have become such a normal part of my life that I forget how strange sometimes mine must be to you."

Finally, Goliath sat on the bed. It bowed a bit under his weight, but seemed to hold fine. The tension finally had seemed to evaporate enough that it didn't seem like an invasive gesture anymore. "It has been a learning curve." He admitted. "And I can only thank you for your candor. I think even among gargoyle women, to ask them about their bodies as I did yours would not have been very welcome."

Elisa just smiled at him then shook her head. "I suppose you dropped in just for the peak show then?" 

"What? Oh no! I came to see if you wouldn't want to meet us in the park tomorrow. Lexington has finished another project and wants to show us. And I believe Broadway wants to ask you to track down some movie or other that he wants to see."

Elisa smiled. "I'll be there at dusk when you all wake up tomorrow. I have a pretty busy night coming up with some stake-outs we have to do, though I'd love to see what Lex has gotten up to. But I can check in with you all and see what movies Broadway's heard about now. 

Goliath nodded and stood back up. "We will be pleased to see you. Next time I drop in, I will make sure to announce myself clearer and wait for you in your living room." 

Elisa chucked and nodded. "Have a good night Goliath.” 

Goliath gave her a smile and a short bow before bidding her a good night as well and taking his leave. 

He supposed there was a lot he should consider now and think on, but as he took to the night sky, he found he didn't particularly care to keep contemplating on what he'd learned. It was good to know, but it was just enough that he did. 

[bellafragolina]

That's so cool!! Do you post your fics anywhere but here? I love your style of writing, and would love to check out other works of yours if you're comfortable sharing!

Speaking of, I'm so excited that you're okay with people babbling about their fics!! I don't know anybody irl to talk about this stuff with, so it's all just sorta Vibrating In My Mind cbskvnsks. The one I'm working on rn is an x Ingo fic! You have made me love the silly little subway men so much <3 I'm gonna toss a really quick rundown of the oc/story in rq!

- oc was the Champion of Kalos before the events of the gen 6 games, and takes the place of Diantha (I love Diantha sm but I feel like SO much more could have been done with her character ^^;). She also runs the Battle Château, tho I can't decide if that's something she does bc she's the Champion or if it's something family owned? (I wanted oc to have ties to the Château because Diantha is the only Grand Duchess shown in-game!)

- oc grew up with Lysandre and Malva, which is what blinds her to what her friends become once Team Magma starts coming into being. They do try to get her in on it, but quickly realize that she doesn't see the world the same way they do and keep things away from her. She knows something is going on, but she can't bring herself go looking. She's blindsided by what they were up to

- During the championship battle with Calem/Serena, her mega Metagross realizes its losing and tries to explode. Oc shatters her Key Stone to keep this from happening, and loses the battle. She's investigated for any ties to Team Magma after which causes a media scandal, though it dies down once she's proven to have had no involvement. Still, she ends up leaving the country a few months after

- She enters Unova as a model, and eventually meets Elesa. Elesa recognizes her and strikes up a conversation, and the two eventually become friends. After a while, oc shares that she hasn't battled since losing the championship, and while she and her pokemon miss it she's can't bring herself to do it

- Elesa manages to talk oc into battling against her, which eventually progresses into Elesa taking oc to the Battle Subway. The entire time, Elesa has been teasing the twins by saying she's made a super strong new friend and maybe she'll bring her by the Battle Subway someday, because she can't help gloating about fighting a Champion-level trainer even if she can't outright say she is

- They manage to fight their way to Ingo and Emmet on the first try - they are a gym leader and a former Champion after all. THIS is where the fun begins; I'm planning on doing some sort of soulmate au with this story, right now the one where your world is greyscale until your see your soulmate!

- So oc just lost both of her closest friends, her title, the trust and respect of her region, the trust of her pokemon (or Metagross, at least), up and moved across the world (leaving behind her battle facility), meets her soulmate at her absolute lowest point, AND gets BOMBARDED with color. She does not stick around after the battle. Which shatters Ingo's heart.

And that's where the Ingo x oc bit of the fic starts! Oc does come clean to Elesa like immediately after, and she and Emmet do some damage control. The fic is going to be about like,, what a soulmate actually Is in that sort of au, and healing yourself before jumping into a relationship. There's a lot of self-loathing oc has to work through, and self-esteem and image issues for Ingo to work on. They end up becoming close and helping one another grow before ever getting into a romantic relationship!

It ALSO takes place in the universe/timeline where mega evolution Happens, so I'm gonna design some mega evos for Unova pokemon >:3 Aaaand rework mega evolution to be tied to friendship and rewrite the worst gen 7 mega evo pokedex entries!

I'd love any thoughts/suggestions!! I'm worried it comes off as really Mary Sue-ish? BUT it is just harmless fun at the end of the day lsgndks. If you have any mega evo suggestions/requests that would be cool too! Thank you <3

That is AMAZING!!! Oh that sounds so hella good 👌 i am so excited for you because that’s gonna be so fucking fun to write!!

I love the idea as growing as people with your soulmate before getting in a relationship, because imagine all the ups and downs that could have! I don’t have any suggestions for you really, you seem to have it all down and ready to go!! That and I never played the games set in kalos so I wouldn’t have any of that background info to support any ideas lolol

I hope you have such a blast writing it!!

As for your first question, I do have two other writing blogs for other fandoms, but I don’t try and cross them over with one another so they’re easier to manage. One I’ve fallen off the wagon for, but the other is a more multi fandom blog kinda?? If that makes sense

I can give you the url if you want but I must beg you please not judge me for my taste in men lolol

[northropi]

Alright been a bit so sona update post.

Picture because these don't get a lot of traffic without one but I don't have much else at the moment ANYWAYS

I'll start by saying, as always, I have plans to tweak any characters I leave behind into non-sona OCs if I make big changes, and that's especially relevant here as all three of these characters are very suited to being PoV characters for stuff in the world. Each represents a domain of things I'm hyperfixated on and by extension a subset of stuff in the setting. Technology, biology, mythology. They have interesting dynamics as mostly comical frenemies. They all have interesting backstories and personalities.

And this is a problem.

None of them feel like me anymore. They've strayed from the ideal of how I want a character like me to look and act in an attempt to avoid having three characters who are just idealized versions of the author running around. Frankly on a bad day Theriadh in particular is... Almost uncomfortable. The way I do her jawline is visually nice but as a character who's just me she kinda gives me a twinge of dysphoria. Her personality has also grown increasingly unlikeable in an attempt to make her a borderline villain and it's dragged her into a darker place than I'd like- and I should probably fix that either way, but I'm not sure I want to fix the rest. Maybe it's time to just let her be her own thing.

499 is also just... Kind of nothing. I like how her canonical job as a character, initially as essentially a delivery drone and then adapted into running it herself to deliver supplies across her entire region, is something sort of menial, but helpful and a little whimsical. I'd rather have a job like that for my sona than The Arbiter Of Life And Death or something, OP sonas aren't bad but they're not mine. I also like that she's a robot. That's... That's it. Sorry girl I've been an irresponsible parent.

Q.C. is probably in the best place and I'm not sure it's just because I'm attached because she got more work done recently. Her backstory is nice, her design on a species level is very appealing to me with all the quirks Harpies and Vampires have (Harpies grouping with Fey in the setting so she essentially has a double-dose of weird vulnerabilities, magic antics, and compulsions, so literally me), but the character under that is... Not me. Developed, but not me, and even her looks sort of have the opposite problem of Thia where I made her too dainty.

This makes a good argument for sort of making Q.C. and calling it a day, though in practice I'd probably be splitting the difference between her and another character. The Vampire who turns her, I realized during a shower thought last night, should probably also be a Harpy, hence why they know each other- well, maybe. I could essentially just drop a genderbent Q.C. design, role as "magical member of the trio," and personality on him and then rework a (probably more Aequornithes-themed) Q.C. design out and just use her as my sona. Short of that, obviously, he also wouldn't need to be a Harpy, and there could be a dynamic between pre-mortem Q.C. and him of a sort of mutual mystique where one being Fey and the other being Undead puts them worlds apart and stuff.

However, I also just can't control myself.

I'd want mechanical features back, I think. There's just an occasional "oh to be a funny doll/robot" longing I have, which having three characters was intended to solve. Making 499 also made me realize that having a robotic character and having a character with robotic traits were really not substitutes for each other. If I just stop caring about the rules of my own setting a Vampire Robot would probably be doable but there's a certain game I'd be associated with (it's a good game, but I don't want my whole branding to come off as just a parody) and making it carry the equally important bird themes would be complicated. It's more tempting at that point to make a character that's just innately flexible on a conceptual level, and the idea of modifying Thia from an explicit Dragon to a more generalized monster has been very compelling for a long time (considering the species name Jabberwock, which is fitting because other than my tendency to throw big scary mystery words around I'm kind of the exact person the poem was making fun of).

The third and most developed option for a replacement character is back to robot, but in a more flexible way- essentially a techno-slime. Could rework herself to look different or utilize new pieces of machinery, letting her cover a lot of conceptual space. This is... Just a really cute concept, I think. I definitely want to keep an avian slant which could make that all confusing but we'll just say she chose a frame to inhabit most of the time that just looked birdy, because she likes flight.

Now, obviously, you might here me lay out three concepts once again and think "wait, we're back at square one." Well, true, but at this point I'm getting tired of not being able to just say "I'm Northy and this is my coherent, singular OC that represents my personality, Northy." I think I need to get back to that, even if it carries a lot of weird conceptual baggage. Or maybe I don't and just get comfy with having three again, wouldn't be the first time. Until then, uh... Hope this is actually appearing on people's feeds, seems I haven't been getting as much reach as before.

[arcxnumvitae]

Who/What inspired my muses

I can’t believe I’m doing this oh it’s going to suck so much

Part 1 because it got long because I’m wordy

Veritas: In high school I was friends with two “the art kids”. I, meanwhile, was the bookworm/writer. We all thought it’d be fun to make a comic, them drawing and me writing the dialogue, so we all said we’d come up with characters from it. Mine ended up being an elf who wore long swishy skirts and fought with dual blades and one of them drew out the design for me. The comic, haha, never got far but when I got interested in doing Tumblr rp I looked at that initial oc idea and reworked it into Veritas. The only real remnants of that origin is, well, elf. And her two swords. But I mean, my interest in fleshing out my brand of elves led to what is what I actually consider a big part of my blog-- my elves. So a lot stemmed from that initial, silly and fun idea between three kids. I’m actually still best friends with one of those girls to this day!

Vendere: My second attempt at making a less morally pure muse after my real second-but-now-removed muse Tamashi ended up nice despite my wishes. I can’t say much of the thought process behind Ven other than his name being a continuation of a Latin theme I had started with Veritas and decided to keep going, which you will continue to see later on too. The only thing I can remember is choosing his name because it was the Latin verb for “to sell”, because info broker, and because I went, “Haha and I can call him V.en like in K.ingdom H.earts.” A lot of big brain ideas going on back when I was sixteen, of which I can’t even make jokes because I’ve done it again with muses fairly recently. In retrospect it makes no sense why his Italian parents would name him that but thus is my 16-year-old-idea oc burden to bear.

Jianhuren: My first muse who I added with the intent to have a bit of a storyline going! I also! Can’t remember why I got the idea for a form shifting person who  was an amnesiac. I’m fairly certain it was an idea that came straight out of my head. At the time, I hadn’t even intended to make a species of dragons, the Red Eyes from them. So it’s kind of why they may seem a bit different in feel or canon or themes or whatever from the other Red Eyes. We were winging it, baby!!

Somnio: Oh my gosh I can’t say I’ll do this and keep saying I don’t remember for these muses! I’m sorrrryyyy these were like a good six or so years ago! I think inspiration. I think maybe the feeling of days and friends gone/soon to be gone from Summertime Record inspired him regarding his feelings towards his dead friend? At the very least, I was listening to that song a lot when I added him and I was definitely thinking of him when I did it. The “Sayonara” part always really stuck out to me.

Amara: Me: What if I did a phoenix. Me: Oh, I see phoenixes in this sense have been pointed at from coming from either or both Greek and Egyptian myth let’s make both of those his background as a fun little easter egg. Me: what if I made a muse so tragic--

Qingshan: Here we see Red Eye lore starting to take more shape! Originally I had just said that Jianhuren was attacked by a monster or something, but I then had a thought of what if it were a betrayal and the monster story is just what was told? A lot of Qingshan’s vibes and the idea to do an evil or “bad” muse came from listening to Sacrifice from Rwby! Since I had just recently gotten into it. And I mean, the music rocks. Wait.....the lyrics never quite fit Qingshan at the time but now I’m realizing they fit Zhaohui well.... hm.

Ren: More desire to expand upon my elf lore that I had started with Veritas. And a desire to touch more on the trafficking issue that elves face. Then I just thought it’d be cool to give a muse the powerset of basically the Avatar-- with setbacks.

Kareena: You know me, I’m always going to look at a predominantly white-assumed category and go, “how can I make this more Brown(tm)? Elves are always so stereotypically white in the media I saw, and I’ve always had a desire to see myself represented in fantasy genres I love so much. Veritas was actually supposed to be brown, but she was my first oc and I couldn’t find a fc that fit what I imagined for her and had brown skin, I just changed it to match her fc. Now, I clearly don’t care, haha. Anyways, Kareena was me wanting to make a brown elf, and also a differently abled one too, and I settled on her being blind. I thought it’d be an interesting study since elves have heightened and stronger senses, and here was someone who was born without one. I will say, she wasn’t perfect representation at the time, since I unknowingly fell into a bad trap of “blind person uses super senses to get around anyways with no issue”, which is something I learned later that a lot of blind people don’t like to see in media about visually impaired people! The importance of doing research beforehand, kids. Especially if you’re writing of a culture, lifestyle, or experience you haven’t lived.

William/Thanatos: .......................ok.........I don’t...........remember, sorry. To explain a little, “Thanatos” actually existed on my blog as a man named William O’Connor! A man who had died but still lived on by some raw accidental deal made by his mom to some sort of death-like entity. I only remember that I was thinking on him back when I was in another state visiting by undergrad for like the first time? And Gen Con was going on and I had like just stuck my toe into C.ritical R.ole, but I don’t know if any of that actually influenced William. Anyways, I had no intention to actually ever state or clarify what “Death” was as I intended for It to just be some sort of amalgamation of different interpretations of Death. But later on I thought it’d open up for some more interesting opportunities if I put a name to the thing and had it able to interact and do a little more. Maybe a bit before Dawn came around, for reasons?

Lucia: I had mentioned in Ren’s backstory that he ran with a group of elves when he was a kid on the streets and I’d already established another, Aeon (who’s now a side muse) so I thought it’d be fun to pick out who their de facto leader was. And I thought it’d be funny if she seemed like the least intimidating-looking person ever, but absolutely was the leader of them all for good reason. I then picked up my “angsty backstory” hammer, and I then gave her a prompt solid whack with it.

Alexa: “Okay, so I touched on the elf trafficking, but what if I did what happened when one was successfully trafficked?” Et voila. 

Val: ‘Kristen, you just added Alexa, and sure you established she has a partner but you don’t need to full on add him as a muse-- oh no how did he get on my muse page.’ Alexa and Val are also meant to be foils in the way they deal with their servitude, with Alexa having given in and Val still being rebellious. Plus, I just love non-romantic soulmates. Mwah.

Imani: “I want a Black muse. An unambiguously Black muse. Make her an elf too while I’m at it.” I love sibling dynamics and I’m a sucker and wimp for older sibling dynamic stories too so that also came into play with her and her younger brother.

My gosh this is long, I’m doing a part 2 or something

[masked-disciple]

im sure someone has asked this but 696

#696 is delightfully, wonderfully, holy-shit-I-didn't-realize-how-little-art-I-had-of-him-what-the-fuck Hero of Wind and Voices, Tarim 'Laqir' Nakoshima, chosen Hero of Kharos! Pictured here as his recolor.me from 2020, a very bad drawn image from 2014, and a base art from 2012. As you can see, he's always had Generic Anime Protagonist brown hair and green eyes, and has always had that bright-red and bright-cyan motif around him.

When @castcuraga decides he is ready to open commissions, I will give him somewhere between 150-300$ CAD and he will do a fully painted picture of Tarim for me, and it will be glorious, and it will force me to draw a full reference of him, which tbh he really needs.

I know I said 'a few facts'. You're getting a fucking infodump and you will like it, Tsuko-my-dear, because Tarim is one of my oldest OCs, and if I'm not mistaken, my oldest OC that I still use. I think... I'm pretty sure the only older OC that I have is Tranq (Shadow Tranquility is her full name, and I have no idea if she's ever coming back, I won't rule it out).

Tarim has been with me for over a decade, and I love him, and he deserves the world. He was the protagonist for Vocal Paradise, my very first NaNoWriMo novel in 2012. I won that year. I was so proud of myself. He came back for 2017 in Starlight ~ Beginning of the End, which I should reread because the only info I apparently put on NaNo itself was "tarim has to leave the vamps because shit blew up, naitofiara is there," so 10/10, me.

2018, Firstlight ~ The Cultist's Blade opened with "Tarim Nakoshima is dead, the Reihe having consumed him after a Fragment left him in the wrong timeline. [..] Thus, a new group of Twilight Warriors must be chosen." Three years later, Tarim makes his as-of-right-now final appearance in 2012 with Dragonsword ~ His Last Night's Requiem as not only the owner of the titular requiem, but "Not so long after the initial fall of Kagiru Network, two strange young men appear in the middle of the Salem Academy courtyard. One looks Tarathiel Draconis in the eye, tosses her the necklace he had around his neck, and fades to nothingness." which is a pretty metal way to die.

So, now that I've established Tarim's been around for fuckin ages and likes haunting the narrative, who is he?

Tarim is Maradeim! Originally called the Cherchant, which is French for 'searching', because when I was 12 I was learning French so a great deal of the language made it into my writing. The Maradeim are from Ilya Loremmi, the oldest of my original worlds (and very much still a part of the Aethel!), and specifically from the city-state of Isuparingu, which I think is a google-translated-romaji corruption of 'inspiration'? Anyway, they were birthed by the goddess Ivonnu, who's still around, in a fight with her sister Ikuto, who is also still around as Kharos' daughter and being pissy in the woods.

What makes the Maradeim different from ye average elf? Uh, they're grey? Yeah, I know, good question.

Maradeim have been established to be Pretty Rare, so you don't see 'em much outside Isuparingu, and almost never outside the Lorem as it is. Four of the Detan Burata - Zona, Seikyoru (who you may know better as Athena Cykes), Myn, and Rokichi - are Maradeim. To date, Tarim is the only named, non-DB Maradeim character I currently have. (There's two others in my records, Felix and Jaycinda, but I highly doubt they'll ever reappear. I would have to totally rework them, and changing names and designs for characters who didn't have more than that is just making new characters.)

Tarim has average brown hair, spearmint green eyes, gunmetal gray skin, and a jawline sharp enough to slice a man alive. He stands 5'9", would probably be called an otter if he were in a gay bar, and from what I can tell, is the Most Average Maradeim To Ever Maradeim.

He doesn't have parents. Why doesn't he have parents? Dunno. The very first iteration of Vocal Paradise was actually a story my first soulbond, Iban, told me about growing up in the desert. He was making shit up because he was babysitting his younger brother, but I still took it for inspiration. Eventually I moved Tarim to Ilya Ustuxe, I think in 2017 for Starlight, where he actually was an illegal immigrant, worked as a veterinarian for horrors that come out of the woods, and promptly had a super-gay romance with the king, Morcair Rakshara.

Tarim's role has always been that of Protagonist, when he appears; and if he does appear as the Mentor Who Dies, it's because of how his powers and prophecy have always worked.

The oldest prophecy I've ever written was the Prophecy of the Five Heroes, in various forms, and the kicker to it is that people have tried to fulfill it, and crucially, they failed. There's been three generations of Heroes: the first was the Bringers of Hope, the second was the Crafters of Balance, and the third is the Challengers of Fate.

The Bringers of Hope failed so badly that none of them have ever even appeared in any written works: the only thing left of them is their titles, and the fact that they failed. (I know their names, though, and their relationships with each other. Hehehe.) The Crafters of Balance was Tarim, Nyktophotia, Elrua, Akui, and Ikane; who were all actively written out of the narrative when their powers overwhelmed them. They still haunt the narrative. The Challengers of Fate are Tarathiel, Kinefira, Ezra, Saga, Tessa, and Leilahi.

You'll notice that there's six challengers, whereas only five of the other two. Really wonder why the first two groups failed, folks...

Regardless. Tarim is the OG Hero of Voices, and his main magical power is to command the three Alyvian spellsongs - the Reihe, Sterben, and Lautlos - and to reshape the world of travel, Ilya Serina, to his will. He begins using the Sterben, and eventually the Reihe, and only once uses the Lautlos. Contrary to Tarathiel, who primarily uses the Lautlos and sometimes the Sterben, and only uses the Reihe when she purifies her own heart.

Tarim has always been the protagonist, and his job is to be dragged through the Serin into varying parts of the wilderness of the Aethel by the plot, being pissy the entire time and befriending a bunch of animals, sometimes being dragged around by a girl who is supposed to be his love interest and who he doesn't give two shits about. The only person he's shown any romantic interest in was Morcair, who he died on very purposefully and who he kept a lot of secrets from. Morcair's pretty bitter about it, and helps out the Challengers only for Tarim's memory. Lmao.

You'll notice, though, that right up top I said that Tarim goes by Laqir. This is because while I knew from the start what his name was, he has never willingly given his name to another person in his entire fucking life. Seriously. If he weren't sorted under the Ts, I wouldn't have told you his name was Tarim. In my actual files where all his art is, he's listed under Laqir. When I make the wiki, he'll be listed under Laqir as well, and his actual name will only be in the sidebar.

When I write him, he always and only uses he/him pronouns, and only gets named in the narrative after someone asks him his name onscreen, and he has to give it. The first time he did in Starlight (because tbh I barely remember all the shit that happened in Vocal Paradise), it was to Morcair. Tarim panicked, glanced around outside the carriage they were in, saw a road sign for Laqir Lane, and told him his name was Laqir.

What fuckin name was he going by before the shattering of the Aethel? Gods only know. It sure fuckin' wasn't Tarim.

Why he has this issue, I have no idea. But he won't give you his name, just Laqir, and gods only know if Nakoshima is his actual surname either. Prob'ly not. I have no idea why he was orphaned in the desert. He got to Ilya Ustuxe by being a stowaway on a ship as a teenager and is Super Illegally There, but fuck you he's Laqir Nakoshima, consort to the King and Hero of Voices, no one is going to be asking for his passport.

The red/blue thing he's got is something he famously shares with Nyktophotia: that's actually an Alyvian thing, and they both have it through their use of the spellsongs. Tarathiel only does that when she's actively using her powers, and Kinefira simply refuses to use the spellsongs so she doesn't get to be special.

Tarim is a grumpy, generous guy honestly. Dislikes being personable, dislikes being dragged into shit, a very Bilbo-like character tbh? Genuinely very loving, absolutely atrocious at trusting people. Super reliable, though, and has an interest in chemistry.

Tarim is also the actual owner of the Kharosian stronghold on Ilya Kava, as well as a low mansion on a phantom island in Ilya Ustuxe. He stored most of his personal stuff in the Ustux, and most of his Hero stuff in the Kav. The Challengers use his stronghold in the Kav as their primary base of operations in the Aethel, since they don't reeeeaaally want to go to the Ustux and deal with Morcair's grief over Tarim, but Tarim himself is still haunting both of these places in what fragments of consciousness he's managed to plant in them, so he's all smug about that.

It'd be nice to go back and write a few stories for him, tbh. It's been a while, and most of the things he's done in Sagiverse sum up to angrily being written out of the narrative onscreen to pass the mantle to Tarathiel. We should go see what he was up to before that.

[send me a number between 2 and 787 for a few facts about that OC, please send me more these are super fun]

[mikeperrucci]

A Little Help Reaching the Finish Line

When I started making Chuck's Devils, I thought I could complete each episode in a month, and be done with the entire comic after four years. Well, it ended up taking an extra two. What happened?

There are simple reasons, such as writer's block. Condensing a long story into tiny word balloons that still makes sense wasn't always easy. Also, some episodes required more background scenery, extra characters, and complex poses that were tricky to figure out.

Then there are the mental blocks. I've always had trouble focusing on one task for an extended period of time. My website reflects this with many different things I've done over the years: smilies, domino toppling, graphic design, games, animation, comics, and more.

If I stuck with one of those and got really good at it, I'd probably have a thriving career right now. But I don't, which haunts me while I'm toiling away at my real day job. I can't afford the testing to find out if I'm technically experiencing depression, but it damn sure feels like it.

With no treatment, these funks can put me in a bad state for a while. The worst was the time I started packing up my stuff so my family could clean out my apartment quickly after I was gone. But after three days, and with too much junk left to box up, and got exhausted and gave up.

Strangely, I think the struggles the Devils were going through also had an effect on me. I knew things would eventually work out for Candace, Lily, and Yu-Ri, but I shared in their suffering a little bit.

With all of that working against me, it seemed like I'd never finish my comic. I felt like a marathon runner: sweaty, tired, and in pain after ten miles... then realizing I had another sixteen left to go.

But I came up with an idea. What if I made a one page comic instead of 432? A comic with simple artwork that I could finish in a day, not weeks. And the characters would be adorable and fun, without any drama...

And so, the Mini-Devils were born. The non-canon spin-off allowed me to put the characters in silly situations that I couldn't do with their tall twin sisters, like finding a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow or playing football in their own unique fashion.

Another unexpected benefit was expanding on Candace's relationship with Tyler. The main comic was structured around Yu-Ri and Lily's evolving love story, and the other couple didn't get as much attention. Even though they're not the originals, I like to think they'd both behave in a similar way.

I didn't plan on adding Rose because her personality was the exact opposite of what the Mini-Devils were all about. But reworking her as a harmless prankster who gets her comeuppance at the end added a mild antagonist that fits into the mini-verse pretty well.

Drawing these chibi cuties cuddling and kissing each other helped raise my spirits, and actually completing something, even if it was just a short story, motivated me to work on the larger tale. I don't think I would have finished Chuck's Devils without the Mini-Devils lightening my mood.

If you're overwhelmed by a large project, a fun diversion may alleviate some pressure for you, too. Also, breaking it up into smaller segments could be beneficial as well. Taking my comic one episode, one page, or even one panel at a time helped me.

Going back to my marathon analogy, as long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other, you'll reach the finish line. It may take a lot longer than the professionals, but you can do it.

And while I'm on the subject of the Mini-Devils, it occurred to me that I haven't explained how they met. We know how the tall trio became best friends, but not their small siblings. To correct this, I came up with an origin story that will begin soon. I hope you'll enjoy it. :)

[tarnishedxknight]

"Oh, you are spoiling me now with your kind words!" Ashe said, her blush only growing as she continued to smile. "Perhaps dressing this way has lifted my spirits quite a bit, but if I am glowing from the inside out, I am certain it is because you draw it out of me." She stared long at Carter for a time, noting the blush on her own cheeks. "And I do so love when you turn shy when I smile at you," she said affectionately. She bit her bottom lip coyly, staring a moment longer before going back to her adjustments and commenting on Carter's own costume.

There was a definite difference in the way Ashelia carried herself, whether she fully realized it or not. Her head was held higher, her movement more animated, and there was a light airiness about her demeanor. Just the very act of wearing something that looked and felt decidedly far more Dalmascan than anything else she'd worn since she awoke in this time period made her feel like herself again. It made her feel happy and proud. That feeling combined with having her girlfriend with her was absolute heaven.

She nodded at Carter's comment about the leather, running her hands over it. "Yes, this was the worst of the work, right here. I learned many things during my two years in hiding, for I had no choice but to be self-sufficient. How to make my own clothes, or at least rework old ones to better fit me, became essential," she explained. "What you do with this sort of design... is put behind the leather something very hard, like wood or stone, and then you cut it carefully with a very sharp blade. Then, you equally as carefully singe all the little edges so it does not fray and holds its shape better when stretched. Then you dye it and begin to sew it into your design. Sewing leather is a bit different than other materials."

She smiled more softly at Carter now. "It took a lot of time, but... I did not mind. It was a labor of love for me. This bit here..." she said, running her fingers over the center part of the bodice where a sigil was cut in amongst the rest of the design, "...is the Seal of Dalmasca. It is what was flown on our standards and painted on our airships. It is also the sigil of House Dalmasca, my House. I suppose Basch is the only one who would recognize it. But... at least I've told you, and so now you will know it too." That was somehow important to her, to share things like this with Carter, even though she knew none of it really mattered anymore. It mattered to her.

Ashelia was not familiar with movies at all, but at the very least she knew what they were. It had been explained to her, even if she really didn't fully understand. "What sort of character were they?" she asked out of curiosity. It was something from Carter's childhood that she had thought enough of to dress up as them for this holiday, and so therefore it was important to Ashe too. "You look very good in it," Ashelia said, her smile turning bright again. "The bowtie makes you look quite handsome and distinguished, my love," she said, another affectionate giggle escaping her.

When Carter took her hand and said she'd do everything she could to help Ashe be herself as much as possible, Ashe gazed at her like she was a national treasure. "Oh..." she whispered, lifting her free hand to cup Carter's cheek. "You really do spoil me," she said softly, leaving a gentle kiss on Carter's lips. "I love you so. Please do not ever forget that."

Ashelia had been so absorbed in the mirror, tugging this and adjusting that, that she didn't hear Carter come in. When she turned around and saw her standing there, she smiled brightly. "Yes, I am ready, I was just-" she began to say, but then Carter said she looked incredible... and Ashelia blushed hard. "Thank you, you are too kind."

At Carter's apology, a soft giggle escaped Ashelia as she went over to her girlfriend. "Please, we are courting. You may stare as much as you wish." Just having Carter's approval and seeing the way her outfit made her stare so, that meant the world to Ashe. "Every princess is taught to sew, but this was my first time fashioning an entire dress myself, so... I am honored that you think it so wonderful."

Now it was her turn to look over Carter's costume, and it only made Ashelia's smile grow. "You look positively bookish, my dear, and I mean that in the best and most affectionate way possible. I love it," she said, bending to kiss Carter's forehead. "Very sweet. I think it suits you. I particularly like this bit here," she said, touching the red bowtie, having never seen one before in her life.

When Carter brought up the possibility of Ashe feeling more comfortable in this style of clothing, she thought she might be on to something. "I... think I do feel more comfortable in it. Not that... a T-shirt or jeans is uncomfortable, but they are so very different from what I am used to. I feel more like myself dressed this way. How odd, that on a day when everyone else is dressing up as others, I should be more myself than ever," she said, a hint of sadness in her tone. She banished it quickly, however, for today was a happy day. "I would very much appreciate your help, if you would know how to acquire more. This fabric worked quite well, I must say."

[nanowrimo]

I Published My NaNo-Novel: How 50,000 Words Boosted “Bear Boy”

The path to publishing a novel isn’t always easy. Today, Justin Barker, author of the novel Bear Boy, offers some insight on making difficult decisions, both in writing and in life:

“You have 12 hours to live.” A drum starts to beat like a heart and quickens.  “What would you say?” my yoga instructor asks, “Who would you want to see? What are your regrets?” It was day 40 of a yoga retreat, and tears streamed down my face as I scribbled my thoughts, but there was one I couldn't get off my mind. It was a regret: that I had never helped another zoo animal. I had spent much of my teen years speaking out against captivity, fighting to free Brutus and Ursula, two bears living in abysmal conditions in a cage near my home, and I had succeeded against all odds. That felt good, but I was an adult now with an adult’s awareness and power. And I had done nothing else.

I walked away from that imagined glimpse of death more alive than ever and burning to tell my story. I had no idea what I was doing, but I started writing and struggling—not knowing what to write, not being able to stay motivated. Four years in, with my first draft in the trash, I discovered NaNoWriMo. I signed up for the 50,000 word challenge. I booked a cheap flight to Chiang Mai, Thailand, where I would create my own writing retreat. I hopped from one wifi hotspot to the next—fueled by tropical views, delicious vegan food, and an ambitious daily word count. 

When that 2015 Nanowrimo wrapped up I felt like I had accomplished something. I felt 50,000 words closer to my dream of telling my story, but little did I know, at the time, I was still six years from publishing my book. NaNoWriMo helped me lay out the facts of my story and capture key moments of dialogue. It gave me purpose and courage and forced me to take action—all critical elements for any writer. But to be publishable, my writing and my storytelling needed some serious help. 

Luckily, I met Jennie Nash, who became my book coach. She guided me through a process to define my mission—I wanted young readers to walk away inspired to stand up for themselves and for animals. She helped me build the structure of my story, offered me guidance and accountability as I moved from having a bunch of words on a page to having a compelling story someone might actually want to read. She helped me realize my story wasn’t just about saving two bears, it was also about saving myself—how as a queer teen I struggled with the confines of gender norms, suffered taunts and physical attacks, and how those experiences helped me empathize with animals locked in cages far from their natural homes. That was the real story.

“When that 2015 Nanowrimo wrapped up I felt like I had accomplished something. I felt 50,000 words closer to my dream of telling my story.”

I had a dream of a traditional publishing deal. I thought it would be an excellent platform to continue the conversation about the horrors of captivity that I started when I was young. Jennie helped me build my pitch to agents: “Bear Boy is for today’s idealists, outsiders, rule breakers, go-getters, and activists. My ideal reader is 12 years old, the same age I was when I started my activism.” After over 100 pitches, I landed a New York City agent. I was ecstatic and she was ready to slice and dice my manuscript. “We need to completely eliminate the gay part of your story” she said. It was a punch to the gut, but I thought maybe she knew what she was doing so I did it. She pitched my reworked manuscript to all the major book imprints. A year passed without a deal and she said my lack of a social following was to blame and that I should write a controversial piece about Greta Thunberg to get some media attention. My heart sank. How could I possibly say anything bad about Greta? I saw myself in her young activism and was deeply inspired by the movement she was building. 

That’s when I decided that I no longer wanted an agent or a traditional deal. I was scared, I knew nothing about how to bring a book into the world, but I decided to press on, establish a book imprint and bring my book to life on my own terms. I hired professional copywriters, proofreaders, interior and cover designers. I did a lot of research. I had really tough days, both technically and emotionally. There were many moments that I wondered if I made the right decision, but I am on the other side of all of that doubt now. It took 10 years but Bear Boy: The True Story of a Boy, Two Bears, and the Fight to Be Free is here, in the hands of early readers. Young people from all corners of the globe are reading and reviewing the book, saying it’s inspiring them and that it’s making them rethink their relationship to nature and animals.  

It’s Pride month and I’m proud to be able to tell a queer story. And, I have to acknowledge the privilege I hold as a white cisgendered male with the financial resources, flexibility, and support to go out on my own. I believe anyone can write and power through the challenges to get their story into the world, but we must all work together to challenge and reimagine the systems in both indie and traditional publishing that limit access and continue to marginalize so many important voices and stories.

Justin Barker is an animal activist, producer, and author of Bear Boy: The True Story of a Boy, Two Bears, and the Fight to Be Free. With his YA debut, Justin hopes to highlight the plight of zoo animals and inspire young people to stand up for themselves, animals, and their fellow humans. He lives in San Francisco with his son Noah and wife Bridget; he and Bridget both identify as queer.

Web: www.bearboy.org

Instagram & Twitter :  @justinbarkertv

[7spaceace7]

Secrets (A Donatello x Reader)

This is incredibly self-indulgent and was really just a fic for me to obsess over tesla coils, but my girlfriend convinced me to post it- so here it is! It got kind of long too, but I hope you enjoy! 

Word Count: 3236

Reader is given feminine terms in this one

Mild cursing (thank you Raph)

Absolute fluff attack, the sweetness will rot your teeth

Singing was your greatest passion. From a young age, you had been roped into music, the emotions it could represent with just a few notes and some relatable lyrics. It was happiness, it was sadness, it was anger and excitement, and it was everything you couldn’t express well enough with just words. Being a writer, sometimes that would get frustrating, but music helped you overcome the most challenging spots in a new piece or story. This is why you would constantly have earbuds in as you sang along to every song you’d memorized on your Spotify shuffle. 

And Donnie noticed this. Every time you would enter the turtles’ lair, he would see you unplug and pack-up your headphones. Hell, he was even able to detect your singing from the sounds of the sewer tunnels echoing with every step you took closer. He’d hear you talk about the music or soundtracks of your favorite games and movies, analyzing what every slight twinge or reprise would allude to. And he loved every part of it. He loved getting to see those moments where music was all you could focus on. Your heart rate rose exponentially in anticipation and excitement. Your eyes would screw shut while you broke into a grin. Your hands would mimic motions to the beat as you played on invisible drums, or strummed a nonexistent guitar. 

It was adorable to him, to say the least. But he never told you so. He never said a word, in case this might scare you off for coming across as “creepy” or weird. He knew most people probably didn’t pay this close attention to little things like that, but then again, he also knew that most people weren’t madly in love with you. 

Which Donatello was. 

He couldn’t tell you, because once he started rambling about you, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop. And if he didn’t stop, then he’d run the 89.07% chance risk of telling you how he’d been in love with you since the day they met you. That was way too high for him to be comfortable. No, he couldn’t tell you, no matter how badly he wanted you to know.

“Okay, so what if you just show ‘er you’re interested instead?” Raph asked, half paying attention to his brother’s predicament, half pounding the punching bag before him into the ground. Leo was in the dojo meditating, and Mikey was playing video games in the living room, which left the two middle brothers to their own devices. For Donnie, this was literally. His three-fingered hands fiddled with his latest electrical circuit. It was bound for sending the right amount of voltage into his inventions without needing four power strips and a generator all on their own. Unfortunately, he was too distracted to actually delve into its components, and settled for breaking and piecing it back together again.

“Show her? How would I do that?” Donnie’s voice trembled at the thought.

“I dunno, you’re the genius here,” Raph huffed, “There’s gotta be somethin’ in this place that you think she’d find cool. She loves music, right?”

“Yeah, like a lot, she even-”

“Rhetorical question, Don, heard the rant plenty,” His brother cut him off. Pausing his violent onslaught of the dummy, he turned to face him. “You’re nervous ‘cause you ain’t ever done somethin’ for a pretty girl before, I get it. So do somethin’ you know you’re good at. That’ll take the nerves off, your plan works, and then I won’ have to listen to you babbling about whatever new fuckin’ thing she did today. Win win.”

The younger turtle paused. “That was...actually pretty sound advice, thank you, Raph.”

“Anytime,” Raph nodded, a smug smile tugging at his lips from being able to help. Problem was, now he was invested. He’d listened to his brother’s rants and rambles and failed plans of possibly confessing for weeks now, what was gonna happen once he finally did it? Raph plopped onto one of Donnie’s bean bag chairs. He didn’t bother to pick up the training dummy. “So what ya gonna do, smart guy?”

Donnie blinked a few times, glasses twitching on his nose as he pushed them up. He didn’t know it, but you coined this his “brainstorming face”. He fiddled with the circuits once again.

“Uh...I’m not sure,” His tongue went dry. A million ideas fly through his brain each minute, and this decides to be the time that he can’t think of a single one good enough. Figures. “I could build her something? Maybe a new stereo, or upgrade the one she has.”

Raph made a noise of disapproval. “You can do better, any old fix-it guy could do that.”

“Fair. Maybe I could- ow!”

A short buzz of the air cut him off as his fiddling paid off. To the world’s great irony, a light bulb several inches away lit up.

“You good?”

“Yeah, I’m good, I…” Donnie trailed off. The purple-clad turtle’s eyes widened as he registered what happened. “I’m better than good, I just had an epiphany!”

“Epipha-what?”

“An epiphany, sudden realization, an idea!” Donnie flicked his goggles back down, enhancing his vision with the magnifier on it. Wires were tugged in and out, and a transmitter was displaced. With a snort of triumph, he raised it to the air for his brother to see. “This is the answer!” 

“A tiny board thing. Just what she’s always wanted,” Raph rolled his eyes, but Donnie was prepared for this.

“Not just a tiny board, a tiny board with this!-” With great haste, Donnie was next to Raph, holding the board out properly. “My side-side project, this little thing, look at the coil here, this is it! This is a tesla coil, capable of transmitting thousands and thousands of volts of energy surging through the air, powering anything within its radius, which is perfect and exactly why I needed to reconfigure it to power my lab and this one new machine I’m working on, but that’s not why this is the perfect idea!”

“Wow, please continue, professor, I’m dyin’ to know.”

“Glad you asked! Watch this!” One aux cord, T-Phone connection, and light-dimming later, the lab went dark in anticipation. And suddenly, with the press of a play button on Donnie’s shuffle, music started to fill the air. But it wasn’t coming from his phone. It was coming from the coils, surging and creating not only electric energy that was visible to the human eye as it sparked, but music. Sound. The beats and notes of the song playing sprouted out in the form of electricity.

Raph’s green eyes became transfixed on the sparks flying out. “Holy shit.”

“Holy shit is right!” Came the squeals of utter nerding out, “This is only a tabletop version of an SGTC circuit, my own type of it anyway based on Tesla’s original designs, but if I reworked it, made it bigger, made it lifelike and maybe four or five of them, I could create the most advanced musical performance this city has ever seen!”

“I’m gonna pretend I know everything you just said because clearly this is your nerd thing,” Raph started, utterly confused. Even still, a reassuring smile framed his features. “But this looks pretty damn cool. This right here? Exactly what ‘m sayin’, Don.  This is you.”

“Do you think she’ll like it...?” Donnie asked in a hopeful voice. He wasn’t just asking about the invention. 

“Course she will.”

~x~

A couple weeks had passed since that fateful conversation with Raph. He’d been in and out of the lab since then, but between patrols and the mandatory bathroom breaks, there was hardly a time he wasn’t working on his great new project. You weren’t even allowed to go into the lab, per his request, for all his time there.

However, he always made sure to make at least one movie whenever you’d come hang out at the lair from work.

Finally, one Friday night, the set up was complete. Pride swelled in Donnie’s chest as he looked at his creation: six symmetrically placed tesla coils sprung up from the ground and walls all around his lab space. The coilings wrapped around metal frames, spiraling into a beautiful arrangement of engineering, if he did say so himself. Mikey said it looked like the lasers out of a DC comic, which was also not a bad thing to be. He just hoped that you would like it. All of it was for you, of course, but over the weeks that he’d been preparing it, he found more beauty in the music of tesla coils than he ever had appreciated before. 

Donnie thought he might thank you for that, if he could get his nerves around it.

God, he was so nervous. Anxiety rushed through his body like the electric pulses he was perfecting. They were already done, but it was all he could do to distract himself while waiting for you to arrive. Maybe the frequencies weren’t in the right key. What if they sounded better this way? Or maybe the firing power wasn’t enough? Trajectory looked alright, maybe it just-

“Donnie?”

“Gh! Y/N, hey!” Stammered the surprised terrapin after knocking his head against the top of a coil. His goggles were on the setting of night-vision, but that didn’t account for night-spatial-awareness, it seemed.

“I got your text to come,” You tried to smile at him, but the dark laboratory proved to make that difficult. “How come it’s so dark in here?”

“Uh, well, that’s p-part of the surprise! Eheh. Gimme just a second-”

You waited patiently outside of his lab, vision still applicable, but grew concerned the more strange noises and clangs you heard coming from inside. This was definitely a whole new level of “Donnie Surprises” just by how nervous he seemed about it.

You yelped when his hand grabbed your arm and dragged you back inside the darkness.

“Okay, uh,” He started, before clapping his hands together for the lights to switch back on, “This is what I wanted to show you.”

Your gaze spun all around the lab. After adjusting to the light, you could clearly see giant mechanism after mechanism placed strategically around in a dome-like setup. Coils that protruded like round-edged spikes circled you both, and in the center was a metal cage. 

“Oh my god…” You almost whispered. A large grin broke out onto your face as you stared in quiet marvel at the scene. His plan was working, and Donnie lit up with an outstretched arm in presentation.

“These bad boys are called tesla coils-”

“Tesla coils!” You squealed in imperfect unison to what you assumed was the start of an explanation. “You made tesla coils, Donnie, holy shit!”

“You’ve heard of them?!” Donnie exclaimed, eyes widening behind his glasses.

“YES!” Your hands began to wave around excitedly, “Oh my god I used to be OBSESSED with these things! I heard about when I was a kid from that old movie, oh what was it, it was like the apprentice’s-”

“Sorcerer’s Apprentice!”

“THAT! Yes!” 

“I haven’t seen that movie in years!”

“Me neither! All I remember is that Hiccup’s voice actor totally nerded out and programmed his giant tesla coils to play music for the girl he wanted to impress, and it was the coolest thing because these giant machines were playing music, music out of nothing but sparks of electricity at different frequencies, which to be honest probably would have caused more of an energy problem than the movie suggested because goddamn do they take up a lot of power, but I was like six and didn’t care!” You laughed  in an energetic burst of word association, practically bouncing on the balls of your feet.

Donnie could have kissed you then and there for that alone. 

A grin crept onto his lips as he watched you ramble on about the movie, leaving all anxious thoughts to fall from his mind. For once, someone actually understood one of his passions. Better than that, she was explaining the process to him of all people! Sure, she was intuitive enough to know he didn’t need it, he literally had just built them after all. This was just out of pure excitement. Someone in his life was talking about science and technology like they were the most fascinating things on the planet, just as the purple-masked turtle believed it was. Well, second only to the ecstatic girl in front of him. 

“-And so, I randomly remembered it again not that long ago, so I looked it up and found so many videos on YouTube about it. I kid you not, I listened to tesla coils and tesla coils alone for a solid week.” 

You breathed heavily, a little winded after such an intense info-dump. God, he always loved when you got excited about something. 

“This is kind of surreal,” Donnie chuckled a bit, pushing up his glasses when they tumbled down his nose, “I had no idea you’d get what these were, much less have known so much about them.” Donnie’s eyes widened at his own panicked-fueled blabbering. “N-Not that I think you’re stupid! I just-- I mean it’s not-- common? It’s more of-”

“A niche interest, yeah. No worries,” You finished for him, signaling his stuttered words hadn’t fallen on offended ears. Donnie quietly sighed in relief. Time ticked by in seconds, but even that was much too fast for this martial artist to grasp. If he could have constructed a device to pause the fabrics of time, he would have long ago, simply to relish the moments with you that meant everything to him. It wasn’t your fault your eyes captivated him more than any element he’s worked with.

“So,” You began eagerly, startling him out of his thoughts, “Are we gonna listen to some zappy poles go brrr or what?”

Donnie snorted at your juvenile word choice. “Yeah, totally. Now, ah,” He walked over toward the large cage in the center, stepped inside, then poked his head out with a dorky grin. A large, green hand stood outstretched towards you. “I think you’d better step inside my cage.”

“If you keep quoting the damn movie like this, I am going to explode from excitement, and it will be your fault!” It was a wonder how you hadn’t caught onto his plan yet, honestly. You made no sense of hesitation before grabbing his offered hand (even though your hands were small enough that they hardly matched his palm’s size), and clambered into the cage in front of him. This was a great excuse for you to be close to him without it being weird. And now, with your back brushing up against his plastron, the butterflies in his chest told him it was totally a good call.

Donatello would take this secret to his grave, however.

“Put your hands on the rail here, yep just like that,” Donnie nodded after your hands found the safeguard rail. A couple buttons tapped into a laptop later, he settled his own hands next to yours. “Let the magic begin.”

Magic would have been the understatement of the year. A coil in front of you quickly shot out its first spark. Familiar music breached the sound barrier to your ears. The one behind you both caught it instantly. Spark after spark sent back and forth between the coils, soaring through the lab like the most incredible game of electric catch.

“Whoa!” You laughed when the sparks would bounce off the cage itself, pressing closer to the turtle behind you (much to his surprise every time). Your shining e/c eyes never left the electric bolts shooting out. “This is insane!”

“Heh, glad you like it!” Donnie watched you closely that entire time, more entranced by your excitement and wonderstruck self than anything he’d created. He could power up the tesla coils anytime of day, but this was a special moment he’d never be able to recreate in a controlled environment. This was no experiment, this was real and it was happening right now. 

The only thing left to do was tell you how he felt. 

“Y/N, I have to tell you something,” He began, stepping away to give you a bit of space. His heart rate was increasing by the second. The way you turned to look at him wasn’t helping, either. 

“What is it?” You spoke softly, somehow able to be heard over the music. Donnie could hardly meet your eyes, so he took your hands in his instead.

“I...I don’t know how to say this exactly,” He started, “I’ve been trying to do it for months, going over every possible conjuncture of words, something that would be heartfelt and honest, poetic even? But the truth is, words aren’t my thing, th-they never have been. I’m a science guy, I take things apart and put them back together again, I figure out what makes them work, I see life as a million tiny parts to analyze.”

He paused his quickened speech to take a breath. Your hands squeezed his larger ones as an offer to continue.

“And so, I’m...bad at feelings. I see it all as chemicals and components used by the brain to create action and reaction. But now I’m not so sure if that’s all they are, and really the only thing I am sure about is that it’s because of you that I’m questioning everything I ever thought I knew. Maybe, maybe life is more than atoms and chemicals, and instead it’s about..moments. Moments like this. Moments that...that I..that I really want to keep forever and play over and over again.”

“Donnie…” You spoke. This time he squeezed your hands.

“I know I’m rambling and I should really get to the point, so what I’m trying to say is,” He took another breath, steady this time. His gaze met yours again. “I want to live these moments with you every day. You’re special to me. You’re part of our family, but this is more than that, this feeling is-”

“Love.” You finished for him. Both of your eyes widened as you realized the other felt how you each did.  

Donatello nodded slowly, hesitant to be so certain, but knowing it was true. There were no more words to be exchanged after that, only actions, only movements so soft and gentle that the large terrapin was certain he’d break if they could fit in his hands. Your hands left his and instead reached up to grab the long ends of his mask, and tugged gently for him to reach you. He leaned down without a thought. A three-fingered hand found your waist this time. 

You kissed. Soft, human lips connected to his slightly chapped reptilian ones. The turtle had waited for this moment since he realized the attraction he felt towards you was not just powerful chemical reactions, but true feelings. It wasn’t biology, it was chance and fate and one-in-a-million all at once. As the sparks continued to (literally) fly, Donnie let his eyes close. This was the present. He was here, he was holding a great new adventure in his hands, and there was a brilliant future just around the corner. 

The song may have finished, but this is what would last forever. 

[getitinbusan]

10 years with Jungkook

California

You met Jeon Jeongguk in the summer of 2012. Two kids brought together by a calling to California and a chance at making it big. Best friends from the start, what happens when only one of you becomes successful? Do you ever forget your first love? 

Childhood friends to lovers, angst and smut.

Words:  4600

Warnings: 18 plus smut. Oral F, Sex MF, Swearing. Pretty Mild for me. This is a previously posted fic that has been updated and reworked.

It was a rare rainy August day in California. The heavy drops created a sad melody on the window as you put the dishes away. Tired and lonely, the feeling in your gut kept nagging at you, maybe it was time to give up. 

The savings account was drained, there were no jobs to be found and  this was the second month of falling short on rent. Surely it would only be a matter of time before your roommates would stop exchanging house cleaning for money. 

Hanging the threadbare towel over its hook you stood in the kitchen, your mood mirroring the dim light of the afternoon. Feeling frusterated and stupid, it had taken you way longer than it should have to realize that in LA, you were nothing. Not pretty enough, rich enough, skinny enough or talented enough to ever make it big. So this is how the great Califonia chapter of your life would end, not by choice but necessity. 

Gathering up the mail that was strewn across the countertop, you shuffled through it sorting its priority. Junk mail, bills, personal…one in particular standing out. Your heart began pounding as you took in the details.

The penmanship was nice, black ink on an unassuming envelope. But it was the stamp that caught your attention. It was sent from Korea.

Flipping it in your hand you examined the torn top. The letter, having been read, was cradled back safely inside. Addressed to your roommate a frown crept onto your face. Why wouldn’t he write to you?

It was a ridiculously hopeful notion but you widened the envelope and inhaled trying to find a trace of his fragrance, something, anything to trigger a happy memory. Cool California nights were the best excuse. How many times had you borrowed his sweaters just to have his smell on you?

You missed him. It had been a year and a half and you couldn't help but once again ponder the nagging question that always crept back. If you hadn't forced him to break the rules would he still be a part of your life? 

It was too tempting to resist, your fingers pinched the paper inside of the envelope and pulled it free. 

I’m feeling low, I don’t know who I am, only who I’m supposed to be.

What would life be like if I had stayed in California? We could all be roommates, hanging out and having fun, going to the beach on weekends.

Does she even think about me?

It sounds greedy that with how much I have right now, it’s not enough. I would give anything to wake up in bed beside her everyday. I want more than anything to be able to talk to her about these things but I can’t. I’ve made the mistake of trading her for fame and now I’m destined to keep her at an arm’s length so she’ll never know the price I paid.

How does she even see me? As an Idol? As the boy who abandoned her? Has she forgotten the good days we spent together?

I’ve been wrestling with myself, whoever that is. I wish I could be the teenage boy from that long ago summer again. I wrote this song thinking about it…

~When I see you smile in the screen

You’re good at everything

You’re just perfect

Feels like I've never been you

Do you even see me?

Do you know who I am?

Or how do I look now?

You don’t like me like that

I want to be your decalcomania~

I’m afraid I may not get back for a while, please write. Your friendship and thoughts of her are the only things that are keeping me tethered to some semblance of reality.

JK

Clutching the letter to your chest, your mind took you back to that day. 

"Decalcomania, the art or process of transferring pictures and designs. Making a copy of the original on a different medium"  

Reading the description on the wall you’d both stood laughing at the piece's strange name, Decalcomania. The gallery visit felt like lifetimes ago but you still remembered clearly. You remembered, not because the piece had struck you as particularly special but because that's where you had decided that Jeongguk's laugh was the best sound you'd ever heard.  

California had lured you into its promise when you turned 14. Having been accepted to an  intensive dance program at The Movement Lifestyle Studio you packed up and headed West for the summer. 

It was July and it was hot, the dancers stepping off the bus one at a time took their places in the studio.

Looking around there were so many older kids, you were probably one of the youngest. Calling out names they put you into groups, it appeared to be by age so you made your way across the unfamiliar wooden floor to the tiny gathering of teens in the darkened corner.

Shy introductions were made as one more member was ushered over to where you had congregated. “This is Jeongguk.” 

He had the cutest smile and barely spoke english but his eyes twinkled like the constellations. Immediately drawn to each other you became fast friends.

Absolutely exhausted by the end of the first few days he quietly knocked at your door.

He was homesick and lonely, used to being surrounded by his six members, he couldn’t sleep well without someone beside him. You let him crawl into bed with you, you were 14 and it was innocent. 

Inseparable, days and nights were spent side by side, the others began referring to you as the twins. It was the best summer of your life but like every boy meets girl summer story, it had to come to a close. Promising through tears to keep in touch and stay friends you went your separate ways. 

Jeongguk would send silly videos of his practice sessions, goofing around with the other members.  He’d facetime and text but he always loved to send handwritten letters.

They lived in a box under your bed and contained stories of how hard he was working to become an idol. He always signed off with, "I miss you,” and a few lines of lyrics he’d written.

You didn’t know then how important they would become, the only tangible piece of him you could still hold on to.  

Whenever he came back to America you did everything you could to see him. You always found a way to get to the small tour stops whenever they came through. 2015 was the first, then KCon in 2016, but 2017, it was different.

Facetiming you with the news that they were bringing the Wings tour to NY, Chicago and Anaheim, he asked if you’d be part of the dance crew. How could you turn down two weeks with Jungkook the hottest new K-pop Idol? They were getting bigger, more popular and their lives were changing rapidly.

He had strict rules, girls were completely off limits. No talking, no hugging, no smiling at one another, any little thing could be easily misconstrued by the fans. Everything had to be done in secret. Jungkook would sneak you into his hotel room where you would spend your nights together catching up. The boys would bring you in food and cover for him while you both stayed locked away out of sight.

While happy to be with him, you could tell there was an underlying sadness he was holding on to.

"I wish I could go and explore the city with you like we used to," his voice trailed off.

You were laying in each other’s arms cuddling on his bed.  Leaning over he kissed the top of your head.

"All I really want is to take you on a proper date."

You snuggled closer into his side as he exhaled deeply, releasing his secret. 

"I’ve been waiting so long to become someone, a man worthy of your affection. Now I’m stuck. I have everything I wanted and I’m not allowed to share it with you."

His arms gripped you tighter.

"I’m sorry, this is a terrible confession. I don’t expect you to love me back, not under these circumstances, I just need you to know, you’re the only girl I’ve ever loved and there won’t be anybody else, ever." 

Every bit of his confession, every moment of that last night in the hotel room had stuck with you to this day. The words of a 19 year old boy whose life had become bigger than the feelings of two people.

He'd left in the morning without knowing. You were a coward, too afraid to tell him you loved him too.  

LA became your home right after they left Anaheim. Focused on your dancing, if you became good enough, maybe you could join the tour with him. 

A letter with a big bouquet of flowers arrived a few weeks later. 

"Congratulations on your new house in LA!

I hope that all of you are getting along as roommates, it’s hard living with others sometimes.

Last night I dreamt that I was there with you and all of our friends. We were having a party on the beach and we sat together watching the sunset.

Do you remember after practice when we would skateboard as fast as we could to the ocean so we wouldn’t miss the colors?

Maybe one day my toes can feel the sand there again.

I miss you, I miss me… the me I am when I get to be with you.

We're coming back in October for a few days and I’m hoping I can see you, I’m lonely already.   

Jeongguk

~Won’t you please stay in dreams

I can hear the sea from far away

Across the dream, over the bush

Go there where it becomes clear

Take my hands now

You are the cause of my euphoria

When I’m with you, I’m in utopia~

By the time The AMAs came, the plan had been finalized. You would steal Jungkook away so that you could take him on your first real date.

Having enlisted Namjoon to help, he was your inside man. The boys, happy to help finally get you together, would cover for his whereabouts with management. The day before the awards they were only scheduled for styling, as long as he wasn’t late for the press rounds the next afternoon your plan could work.

It was Namjoon’s job to get him out of the building. Telling him to follow his lead, Joon convinced the managers that Jungkook must have eaten something bad for lunch. Claiming to not feel well, he was whisked away to meet you at the hotel’s back receiving door. 

Sitting in the shiny red rented convertible you tossed him a pair of sunglasses. What you wouldn’t give now to see that smile again.

Barely giving him time to get in you’d sped away heading straight for In And Out Burger.

"Kookie, I hope you’re ready for the best day of your life! We’re going to eat until we explode, drink and party at the beach and then, instead of returning you to your fancy 5 star hotel you’re staying the night in my crappy little house with a tiny uncomfortable bed!!"

He laughed, that perfect laugh. It was so pure and honest, thinking about it now made you sad. Was that the last moment he'd gotten to be his true self? Jeongguk the man not Jungkook the personna? 

Knowing you only had one day to give him everything, one day to show him you loved him, you tried to make the best of it.

Picking up the food Jungkook held onto the red and white bags in the passenger seat, sneaking his hand in to steal fries when he thought you weren’t looking. If you weren’t sure you were in love with him before you you certainly were now.

Pulling up beside the tree on the beach he was stunned, "Ahhh Jagi, I can’t believe you brought me here."

Happy that it meant as much to him as it did to you, you both sat on the branch and ate. Two blocks from the old studio this used to be your escape. Every break you’d make your way to the tree for some time alone, together. 

With the burgers done he turned to you and smiled. It felt like he wanted to say something, but stupidly, you'd cut him short leading him back towards the car.

Making your way through your checklist you brought him back to where you'd first met. The Movement studios students were starstruck when he walked in. After insisting that he teach some choreography, he reluctantly led the class.

Your eyes were glued to him as he moved in front of the mirrors, no longer that awkward teenager but a full grown man mesmerizing you with his every move.

Getting back to the car he stopped you before you reached for the handle. Putting his arms around you he pulled you in close. But again, you resisted him. 

"You stink Jungkook, our next stop is the ocean."

You remember pulling away. How stupid you were, you should have held on to him longer. Reaching into the back seat you revealed a pair of swim shorts and a towel. He looked disappointed that you kept interrupting his attempts at intimacy. It broke your heart but you had a plan and limited time to execute it. 

The Ocean was chilly but the wind was warm, he came out of the change room with the shorts on but still wearing his shirt.

"Kookie, this isn’t Korea, you don’t have to be so modest here. Plus, you should grab some sun, you may not believe it but when your skin is sunkissed," you grinned, "you look really sexy."

He raised his eyebrows and quickly removed the shirt at your request.

Running into the water you splashed and played and he took great pleasure in picking you up and throwing you as far as he could.

The sun was getting ready to set and you wanted to dry off before the cooler air set in.

Leading him back to the shore you both laid down on the towel. He put his arm around you and you cuddled into his side.

"My god Guk, look at your abs!"

He blushed like crazy as you traced the muscles on his stomach.

"Stop, it tickles," he giggled.

But you didn’t, you kept tickling him until he held you so tight you couldn’t move. He had you pinned, flipping you on your back he shook his wet hair flinging water droplets all over you. Pleased with himself he leaned in closer to you, his eyes asking for permission to kiss you. As the gap between you got narrower you could hear his name being shouted and footsteps running closer. He flopped onto his back and sighed as your roommates and friends piled on top of him.

Eating, drinking and catching up with everyone you watched each other from across the bonfire. Moving from person to person he slowly made his way back to your side.

"Welcome back." Running your hand through the back of his hair, it was now or never. 

Pulling him closer your lips finally met in the way they were destined, soft, slow and full of love. His hands instinctively moved to cup your face as the world stopped around you.

"I love you," you whispered.

Nose to nose he smiled at you and it was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen.

It didn’t last long, his phone started going off incessantly. The managers knew, you’d been careless, photos and videos of him from the studio had been posted online.

"I’m so sorry Jungkook, I didn’t mean for you to get in trouble."

His eyes turned hungry as he grabbed your hand.

"You promised I wouldn’t be going back to my hotel tonight, let’s get out of here."

If he was going to get in trouble anyway, why stop now?  

The drive back to your place was quiet, adrenaline and hormones flowing like electricity through you both. The time for smiling was over as the seriousness of the situation lingered in the air between you.

It wasn’t just being in trouble or being caught, but the fact that you both knew what was going to happen when you stepped into your bedroom. One act that would change everything between you, it held the power to change the dynamic of your relationship forever.

Leading him to your room you closed the door and stood staring at him as he sat on your bed. He raked his fingers through his hair before he spoke.

"I’ve never wanted anything more in my life than to be able to make love to you. BUT I also know that when I leave I’m not going to get to see you again for a very long time." His head hung low. "Management is going to do everything possible to keep us apart and that won’t be fair to you. I think that maybe we should just let our happy memories of today be enough, I don’t want you to regret anything. " 

Walking closer you stood between his legs and he wrapped his arms around your waist.

"The only thing I'll regret is never getting to experience all of you. I can’t live not knowing how it feels to be totally yours even if it's only for one night."

He rested his head against your chest, "You’ll always be mine."

His hands traveled to the hem of your shirt and his fingers ran over the soft skin of your stomach. Undoing the button of your jeans he slowly slid them down your legs and you stepped out of them. 

Standing up he lifted the thin fabric of your shirt over your head and you stood before him waiting as he took his off too. Unclasping your bra he sighed as he looked at you taking in your shape, his fingertips hovering over your hard nipples.

"I’ve never done this before," he confessed.

"Me either," you whispered. "I've only ever wanted it to be you."

More relaxed he let his mouth start exploring your body. You were goosebumps and shivers beneath him as his tongue found it’s home between your legs.

He was soft and careful, placing his lips over your clit sucking it in delicately until your moans couldn’t be contained any longer. You could feel his eyes burning into you as he watched in awe as his finger slid inside you.

"It feels good Kookie, please…"

You could feel his mouth stopping to smile before he picked up speed. Moving your hips to eagerly meet his mouth you were unravelling quickly.

"The way you taste is better than anything I had imagined."

Devouring you in sessions between his words of adoration you came hard on his tongue. 

"I'm really regretting running you all over town today when we could have just been here...doing that.. " You were out of breath. 

"I was worried that I wouldn't be any good." He grinned at you pleased with himself. 

Moving up to where your head lay on the pillow he pushed the dampened hair off your face, "Are you ok? Do you need anything?"

He placed his forehead against yours.

"I just want you. I need you to know I'm yours, forever. 

Rolling a condom on he moved slowly to line himself up with your entrance.

"Tell me if you need me to stop okay?"

He pushed carefully, slowly stretching you around him. Watching intently for discomfort he froze when he saw the tears welling in your eyes.

"Shit, I’m so sorry, let’s stop, I didn’t mean to hurt you." He was apologetic as he thumbed away the tears.

"No," you delicately kissed his lips. "I’m okay… I’m just so happy, so overwhelmed with how much I’m feeling right now."

He smiled down at you, pressing his body closer he gave another push until he was fully inside. Your bodies fell into a beautifully choreographed rhythm until Jungkook was so lost in pleasure he began to move at his own pace. Quicker and deeper he moved until he finally spilled into the condom. 

Laying together in euphoria you kissed, and kissed, and kissed until you finally found sleep while wrapped around one other.

Every few hours he’d wake you up. His hands running over your body checking to make sure you weren't just a dream. You’d made love each time, everytime better than the last.

It was 9 am when he caressed you awake once more.

"I have to leave soon. I don’t want to." He spoke in whispers nestled into your neck. "Please tell me to stay."

Your heart broke at his words. "If I ask you to stay, I’m selfish, you’ll always wonder if you made the right decision." The tears came, knowing you had to do what was right. "If I tell you to go, your dreams come true… ” your voice trailed off.

"And I’ll always wonder if I made the right decision,” he finished. 

Your phone started ringing and you knew time was up.

It was Joon, "I’m outside. Sorry, I held them off as long as I could. I told them that I’d come get him so you could at least have time to say goodbye."

Your tears fell out in heavy ugly sobs, "Okay, five minutes… and Joon… thanks, I know you’re probably in trouble too."

Hanging up you turned back, Jungkook was already out of bed with his clothes thrown on. He stood with open arms bravely waiting. 

"Thank you for yesterday I'll never forget it."

Laying your head against his chest you took a moment to listen to his heartbeat. You could hear him sniffle and knew he was crying too.

You flashed back remembering that night long ago when he came to you homesick, holding you so he could sleep while he tried to hide his tears. There was a knock at the door and Namjoon’s voice broke through the moment.

"We’ve got to go Jungkook."

Stepping away you’d left his shirt soaked in tears, handing him his sweater he pushed it back towards you. "You keep it."

He kissed you one last time before opening the door to reveal Namjoon's weary face. His Hyung put his arm around his shoulder and led him to the car.

Turning one last time he looked back, his eyes were filled with tears as he gave a small wave before getting in the back of the big black sedan. 

For months you pretended that management was the only thing keeping you apart.

You held on to that silly notion until May when they were coming for the Billboard awards. For weeks leading up you waited for a message, a secret meeting arrangement, but you got nothing. His image was all over the TV and his voice echoed through your empty heart. Then, just like that, it was over and he was gone again. 

Now, here you stood in your kitchen, his letter bringing him to the forefront of your mind and opening old wounds.

He was just as sad as you but what could you do? 

Picking up a pen you began writing… 

I shouldn’t have done it but I read it in your letter

You said to a friend that you wish you were doing better

I wanted to reach out but I never said a thing

You don’t ever have to be stronger than you really are

And honey, you don’t ever have to act cooler than you think you should

You’re brighter than the brightest stars

You’re scared to win, scared to lose

I’ve heard the war was over if you really choose

The one in and around you

You hate the heat, you got the blues

You’re changing like the weather, oh, that’s so like you

I’ll pick you up

I’ll catch you on the flipside

If you come back to California

We’ll do whatever you want, travel wherever, how far

We’ll hit up all the old places

We’ll have a party, we can dance till dawn… 

Y/N

October came again and a chill was in the air, the smell of the ocean hit your nose and you stopped to take it in.

Bundled in Jungkook’s hoodie you threw your bag over your shoulder and began your walk to work. You'd gotten lucky, Movement had hired you just as you were about to give up and leave California. Filled with hope and excitement a new intensive program was scheduled to start today and you were going to meet the future superstars of the dance world. 

Memories flooded your mind as you made your way through the familiar neighborhood. It still hurt, but things were beginning to feel happy again. Writing the letter had given you closure, he knew how you felt and beyond that there was nothing else you could do.

Opening the heavy door to the studio you caught a familiar reflection moving in the mirror.  Chalk marker in hand he was writing something, It couldn’t be?

Hearing the door click back into place he turned to face you.

"Hi."

He walked towards you slowly. Unsure of what your reaction would be, he approached with caution.

"Hi."

You were breathless, in the months of not seeing him he’d only grown more handsome.

"I can’t change what happened… and for the rest of my life I’ll be sorry for all of the time we missed."

He was getting closer.

"But I can’t take another day not knowing if I can fix this… somehow…"

He reached for your hand but you pulled it away. His head fell in disappointment.

"Jungkook, I can’t listen to this… look at me."

Reaching for his chin you pulled his head up until he was facing you again.

"I refuse to listen to you apologize for something that is out of your control. Your life was decided before you met me and I am nothing but grateful that I got to appear in some part of your story."

He tilted his head and pressed a small kiss into the hand that was still holding his chin.

"God I’ve missed you." He wrapped his arms tightly around your waist.

"How long are you here? I’ve got to teach class.. It’s the first day but I’d love it if we could catch up?"

He laughed at you and your knees buckled at the sound of his happiness.

Taking his chance he pressed his lips to yours and you could feel the smile forming on his face.

"I’m your private lesson Jagi, I’ve booked you for the next two weeks."

Taking a step back you had to ask, "How Jungkook? What will you be giving up?"

Pulling you back to his embrace he began to dance with you.

"There is no more giving up, on anything. Our contracts were over and I only had one thing I wouldn’t negotiate on, that’s you." 

He guided you to look at the mirror.

"I wrote you something."

~Please call my name one more time

I’m standing under the frozen light, 

but I’ll walk step by step towards you

Still with you ~

"I promise I’ll never let you go again."

[thedappleddragon]

I posted 1,610 times in 2021

193 posts created (12%)

1417 posts reblogged (88%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 7.3 posts.

I added 494 tags in 2021

#thanks for coming to my ted talk - 193 posts

#2021 daily - 103 posts

#insp - 33 posts

#my art - 31 posts

#february 2021 daily - 26 posts

#january 2021 daily - 25 posts

#march 2021 daily - 24 posts

#self rb - 21 posts

#later - 21 posts

#april 2021 daily - 17 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#all you can hear is the crunching of your boots late in the evening when it’s still slightly light out from light bouncing from sky to groin

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Hi *forces you to look at my bugsnax oc*

44 notes • Posted 2021-09-11 21:19:13 GMT

#4

it’s a bug, it’s a snack, it’s a big dumb monster

this drawing had been pretty much done for a while so I went ahead and finished it up. I decided that I wasn't entirely satisfied with this design way late into rendering, so I let it sit for a while but it’s done now. hooray :)

55 notes • Posted 2021-03-21 03:07:37 GMT

#3

I've been reworking my bugsnax oc’s feral design after being inspired by all the cool monster designs on here, and this is what I have so far. I wasn't sold on her design when I drew it the first time, but this is a closer rough sketch 

all the transformed body parts are the same, minus the cinnasnail hair bun and whatever fruit roll up tongue I tried, and some new bopsicle stick spines and optional/retractable buggy limbs that can grab things. im not  sure what to do with the colors to make them a little more defined? I want to incorporate the brown from the tail somewhere but I just realized that it looks like floofty’s hair right now lol. idk if the back legs read as donut and banana right now. 

If you have any tips/advice/notes about the design I'd love to hear it!

68 notes • Posted 2021-03-14 04:27:45 GMT

#2

I maybe might have made a bugsnax oc

have I ever played the game? no. have I watched a full play through? also no. am I in love with the way people draw these dumb little muppets? absolutely

(she/they)

97 notes • Posted 2021-01-12 06:38:07 GMT

#1

Rewatching centaurworld clips and realized…

He could probably see them the whole time right???

394 notes • Posted 2021-08-25 19:23:58 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[hinterland-clans]

I posted 89 times in 2021

83 posts created (93%)

6 posts reblogged (7%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.1 posts.

I added 364 tags in 2021

#warriors - 77 posts

#warrior cats - 77 posts

#warrior cats ocs - 40 posts

#warrior cats oc - 32 posts

#glenclan - 30 posts

#pineclan - 28 posts

#riftclan - 25 posts

#answered ask - 21 posts

#character ref sheet - 20 posts

#healer - 14 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#fun fact: trying to put together who his mentor and apprentices were made me realize just how much of a mess my tracking is regarding that

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

I HAD AN IDEA SO I RAN WITH IT AND I LOVE IT

this lovely Hawkfrost clone is named Winterdusk! He was once a PineClan healer, formerly born a loner who was brought to the Clan along side his sister Summerpelt. Summerpelt fell in love with this one cat named Flamestripe, whom Winterdusk did not like at ALL, and when he received an omen of sparks burning holes in a snowdrift he took it to mean Flamestripe was planning to harm the leader Snowstar. Flamestripe was banished, and Summerpelt never forgave Winterdusk. He found out five moons later what the omen ACTUALLY meant when he left the territory to search for a specific herb one day and was promptly murdered by Flamestripe.

Realizing he let personal qualms get in the way of his duty to his Clan filled him with guilt, and Winterdusk decided to stay in the Inbetween as recompense.

His story is inspired by the song Peace by Shayfer James!

49 notes • Posted 2021-01-10 03:39:44 GMT

#4

wanted to draw how cats who sacrifice their memories to stay out of the Dark Forest look in StarClan, so here’s Cindershock after he died! Little Cinder is taken care of by his father Blackreed, and likes to chase butterflies and play with the other StarClan kits. He remembers his life as though it happened to someone else, and only returns to how he was before he died if he leaves StarClan’s borders. He has only done this three times: once to see Tangleflower in the Inbetween after she died, once to help Strikenose and Fleetfox escape the Dark Forest, and once to see Strikenose the night she became a warrior.

58 notes • Posted 2021-04-09 03:33:24 GMT

#3

I'm not sure this is quite finished? But I can't think of anything else to do with it so here it is! *hands you a Blackflame*

I might rework how I depict the Dark Forest bc having it red and black is NOT easy for me to do illustrations of. Or maybe I just need to get better at more monochrome illustration.

63 notes • Posted 2021-09-25 01:15:50 GMT

#2

hrr grr i love drawing icewhisper, here’s her + what she looks like in the inbetween

71 notes • Posted 2021-02-04 00:56:33 GMT

#1

this started as a warmup but I ended up REALLY liking the design, like a lot, so this is Nightberry! She was a PineClan healer, who was apprenticed under Winterdusk, and then finished her training under Ryebreeze of RiftClan when Winterdusk was killed. She was quiet and thoughtful. She took a mate and eventually had kits once her apprentice Ravenspeckle was old enough to take care of things himself, and is a great-great-grandparent of Rosestar and Ryeberry (probably, I'm still thinking on this bit). Her healer herb was mulberry, representing faith.

78 notes • Posted 2021-05-19 02:41:13 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[redheadscribe]

Winx Club Opinions and Hot Takes

So after my review of Fate:Winx Saga I feel I need to acknowledge that while I do love the cartoon, it too has it flaws but it is leagues better than Fate. Still here are few of my scattered thoughts.

The Trix got much needed character development in Season 8. Well, at least Icy did but still an improvement. We see The Trix being actual sisters in some of season eight and let me say that pre-season 8 they were almost like the Team Rocket of the Winx Club, except none of the development or charm and season 5-7 they were rather annoying. If they are going to keep giving The Trix the spotlight as the villain give them some much needed development.

Instead of Pop Pixie why didn't Rainbow do a spin-off show of Roxy and her time at Alfea while also giving some development to the Alfea students. Or why not have Roxy attend the school at Tir Nan Og? That way she could learn more about earth fairies and be closer to her family and spending time with her mother after being separated from her. This would have given her some time to shine on her own and becoming a more fully realized character.

What are the point of the Pixies, fairy animals, fairy pets, selkies? I mean they are cute but they really serve no purpose. I do like the pixies and all but they served no purpose to the plot at all.

The show is too black and white. There are the good guys which are the fairies and the specialist, and the bad guys which are the witches. The villains don't exactly have goood motivations. The Trix wanted to steal the Dragon Flame and take over the Magic World. Lord Darkar wants to take over the world(I think?). Valtor wants to be the most powerful wizard and take over the world. Tritanus wants to take over the infinite ocean, I don't even want to talk about Selina or random book wizard. Cheetah Chick and whatever her brother is want to create a army with magical fairy animals. Then they ran out of world conquering villains they had to bring Valtor back.

Can I also say that maybe Darkar should have been saved for a final villain. It is said that he is the master of the ancestral witches, Valtor and all that is evil, so he has all of the makings for a final villain. Like The Trix for season 1, maybe the ancestral witches for season two and the fortress that Darkar has can just be reworked for their hideout as they are biding their time to regain their strength then have the Trix be serving them. While the Winx stops the witches they retreat to report back to Darkar. Then we have Valtor and the Trix do not appear as Valtor will use his lackeys Chimera, Cassandra and others from the girls home planets to make it personal. Lastly will be Darkar as Valtor claims I am not the last or something along those lines. Then if we must can add the other villains or have Tritanus be a mini boss of sorts as he can be one of Valtor's servants and we can have him be a mini boss that Aisha has to defeat or something. Well that wen't longer than expected.

Side Note: It has been awhile since I watched the whole show so feel free to correct me if I missed anything.

Also the Specialist are really boring. They don't really serve any other purpose than to be the girls love interest. I mean in World of Winx they are hardly mention in that series and the show does not loose anything from it.

The antagonist are the supporting villains are nothing to write home about either. Diaspro was fine for at least the first three seasons but that is it. She should have been done afterwards or if they did they should've put her back on a path where she wants to make up for all of her horrible deeds. I never understood what was the deal with Chimera and Cassandra but I did like their looks, same with Diaspro. My point is, is that they are just mean for meanness sake and are just the stereotypical mean girls.

The only good thing about Sirenix is it's song and that is it. Sirenix just looks ugly with the Daphne's look being the exception.

Bloomix could've been called anything else. Maybe Neo-Enchantix as the girls loose their power and Faragonda sends them on a quests to show why they deserve to get their powers back. I do have to say that their designs were great though.

Rainbow made the mistake for calling Enchantix final fairy form. Seriously when you call it that just stick to it and I don't know repackaged the dolls for merchandising or something.

What was the point of charmix? No seriously that is something I am not understanding. All that happens is that they get a nice little broach and a pouch bag. And some don't even look good. The best one being Musa.

The romances are so boring too. I don't mind some of them but they are so dull.

Season 1-3 Bloom is not the same as season 5-7 Bloom. Season four was okay but you can definitely see where her development was going. Also they should've added more of Bloom showing her dark side before we were introduced to Dark Bloom.

Well that was a long ramble but it goes to show that no show whether it be live-action or animated is perfect. I love Winx, always will but this is the last I'll ever speak of this. Next I'll be tackling the Grishaverse starting with the Shadow and Bone book review, Six of Crows, and then King of Scars duology. Then lastly I'll talk about the TV show.

[jyndor]

(Imperialism etc anon) Ok I get where you're coming from! Thank you for being understanding. While Zutara is obviously not inherently racist or anything there are zutara interpretations that *are* racist (example: fire lady katara which I can get into) and it does need to be acknowledged that Zuko's status as fire nation royalty does create a power imbalance between him and Katara. Now, this is a conversation that has a lot of nuance to it but it seems like the people harassing you are (1/2)

(2/2) just repeating some genuine critique they saw without understanding what it means just to say that they're right, harassing people in the process. I did not have that context when sending that first ask and I apologize, since anons harassing you and others are clearly doing it out of bad faith. I just didn't like the leveraging of concepts that really matter in real life (colonialism, etc), ykwim? But I get what you were trying to do.

hey anon I’m finally getting to you after 84 years XD

so first off, I want to be careful about how I approach this because I understand that as a white person (even if my ancestors experienced imperialism) in the US I absolutely benefit from imperialism and don’t want to like, idk, whitesplain XD so if anyone gets annoyed with any way I say anything, just lmk and I’ll rework it. and I also do understand that these are real world issues that are far more consequential than messaging in media (although I do think it’s very important that we challenge messages in media because of media’s influence on our thinking and politics).

but before I talk about zuko and his relationship to fire nation imperialism, and then later fire lady katara and why it isn’t INHERENTLY racist but definitely can be, I want to talk about the atla fandom and how we got here. like, why I assume that most anons who come at zutara shippers are asshats acting in bad faith. if you already know fandom history, skip this section.

1. atla and the fandom has always been kind of shitty and racist

so IDK if everyone is familiar with the history of the ship war in atla fandom, but it’s regarded as one of the nastiest ship wars in fandom history which I agree lol. atla’s creators were some of the first to interact with the fandom the way they did - back then it wasn’t all that common for creators to get into twitter feuds with fans and boundaries were respected more than they are now imo. but for better or worse, and it is a mixed bag, bryke interacted with fandom a lot. certainly at cons but also on social media.

but honestly things really got extra mean in fan spaces when bryke made a “joke” atla season 4 slideshow out of fan art (some of which was really sexual in nature and totally inappropriate) that mocked fans’ creations, but especially zutara fanart and zutara itself. it was pretty tasteless especially considering how most zutara fans were teen girls, and featured some art of sokka saying that if you think zuko and katara would be good together, you’re doomed to have failed relationships. that’s where the whole “dark and mysterious” bs came from, which does describe some zutara fic but not even most of it lol. I actually do respect bryke a lot despite my criticism of them, but I don’t think I’ll ever get over that shit. like even if you hate zutara, even if it’s a joke, we were kids. and they were adults, and the whole thing was nasty.

however, the ship war was chaotic and messy, but it does feel worse now. maybe it’s because back then the fandom was MOSTLY teens and kids, and I don’t think that’s true now. we were all trying to prove our ship was best with like, content from the show and theories and all that, and now it’s like... whose ship is ~problematic lol it’s a show by white us americans appropriating from various cultures impacted negatively by us/british imperialism that they then profited off of, of course it’s racist. that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t talk about that, and in fact many poc have been saying this shit for years - that atla is racist and colorist at many times (guru pathik anyone?) and no one really listened.

if fans are complaining only about zutara, then I’m automatically writing them off as being insincere or ignorant. and since most of these people are anonymous, I have no idea if they are having substantive discourse about colorism in avatar or cultural appropriation (even if it is mostly appreciative). if you are on anon, I have no context about what you actually think except for what you give me. and that definitely is how I view anons in general but especially within the atla fandom because for all 13-ish years I’ve been in it, it’s been messy. that’s why zutara fans have isolated ourselves from the rest of fandom, because the rest of fandom has been really nasty to us. like did we give back some nastiness? absolutely.

but I would hazard a guess that most anti-zutara shippers don’t know about the conversations we have had in this community to make it safer for people of color, conversations that centered poc and woc especially. hey, that’s okay - not to compare zutara to r*ylo because eurgh but like, idk what discourse the r*ylos have about their community. no idea, I don’t go looking for it. and I don’t go to the tags and harass r*ylos - even though they harass the fuck out of everyone else.

2. so zuko and his privilege

undoubtedly zuko as fire lord is in a fairly privileged position LMFAO. but during the show zuko is very clearly exiled - he holds very little political power in the fire nation EXCEPT for during the first season when he is in command of a ship that ozai gave him on a punishment quest lol like yeah he does terrible things and he of all people would not excuse his actions even if he was a traumatized kid, that’s the point of his arc - that he got some exposure to the rest of the world and worked to be better. and the only reason he was exiled at all was because he cares about people - he didn’t question fire nation supremacy at 13, but he sure did question the morality of his people being lead to slaughter.

but after zuko and iroh defect from the fire nation and stop hunting aang, he has next to no power, in any kind of way. like the guy is a political refugee. and yes, he goes back to the fire nation for like five minutes before realizing that he hates everything about fire nation hegemony and that he wants to end his father’s reign of terror, like that isn’t exactly someone who is going to be well esteemed by the powerful elites when he returns and takes the throne.

and I disregard the comics because they suck lol but zuko does have power as the fire lord, but he limits his power. like compared to ozai, phoenix asshole? azula? for the rest of the world, zuko is kind of an ideal leader for a former colonizing/imperialistic nation to have - someone who worked to end that tyranny, who is anti-imperialist, who believes in justice and equality, who wants to make things right for the peoples who his family oppressed.

I do think it is important to talk about power dynamics and imbalances in relationships - for instance, one could argue that mai is at a significant disadvantage in her relationship with zuko. sure she is from a powerful family but not as powerful as zuko’s. sokka? hah forget it. he’s just as disadvantaged as katara is politically speaking. toph? well, she’s definitely not as powerful politically as zuko - her family tried to silence her for years because of her disability. and oh, she’s disabled so it might be ableist for zuko to strike up a relationship with her when they’re both adults. forgetting of course that toph and sokka and katara and suki and mai are not going to be shy about their wants and needs, that these relationships are not likely to be coercive by nature of the show they’re in and the characters they involve. this is not bill clinton with monica creepiness. like, you’d have to write the relationship that way.

the only person who arguably has more political power than zuko is aang. I guess zuko can’t ever be in a relationship with anyone other than aang. and zuko’s family massacred aang’s people so I guess we can’t ship zukaang. now I know you’re not saying that, context matters. power dynamics are important. but you can’t take away the agency of characters - katara, who is essentially a princess, has agency and can choose who she wants to be with. strictly speaking, aang is more powerful than anyone in terms of political power - he’s the avatar - and of course the dynamic is different by nature of aang not being from a line of oppressors, but there still is a power imbalance in their relationship. and I don’t know how many k/ataang shippers have discourse~ on that. not that I really feel like they NEED to, um idk what they talk about lol I’m not in those circles.

3. fire lady katara is in the eye of the beholder

so fire lady katara is not inherently bad or racist, it’s essentially like saying michelle obama shouldn’t have been first lady of the us (now I get that like the obamas being in power didn’t mean black people are not marginalized lol). you can have conversations about whether or not individual versions of fire lady katara are fucked up, and I’m superrrr open to that because I’ve seen it be kinda shitty before. i’m just gonna leave this link to @shewhotellsstories and her post on this.

but often times katara as fire lady is very dominant in global/fire nation/water tribe politics, she’s a game changer ambassador (that is probably the most popular headcanon I see), she holds on to her culture (and many fans have designed her being in her wt colors, zuko is respectful af to her, she and zuko spend extended periods in the swt, etc. like... it just depends on the way it’s written.

also leaving this response by @avatarnerdkiller to the idea of katara being a prize figurehead.

anyway, thanks for your patience anon and I am curious to see if you see this or even feel like responding after all this time XD