#i didnt think id actually hit the limit but...

[thegeminisage]

well

[dragonfliescreative]

Joel (oc) x Reader..

Ch 1. Getting Ready.

Huffing in an attempt to calm my nerves, i stare into the mirror. The outfit Chloe had picked out for the concert felt odd against my skin. i normally just wore what was comfortable, but she insisted that i dress up for this. apparently id feel out of place otherwise. if i was honest i didnt even know what i was walking into. she had been listening to Bloodied Daisies alot long than i had, hell she had been to their concerts too. this was my first time going because she won a raffle for backstage tickets.

"Are you about ready??" Her voice boomed through the door. Pulling briefly at the tight netting over my arms i respond "Yeah i guess so." And with that im met with my best friend. she had her blonde hair up in a spiky looking bun, and a matching punky looking outfit to mine. She covered her mouth with her hands. "Oh my god! Y/n you look so handsome!" she snickered, her fingers shortly finding my face afterwards to fix the makeup i had most likely smudged it while putting in my top. "Perfect." She grinned.

I followed her out of the apartment i rented and out to her little black car, that she had of course stickerbombed. Once we sat i tuned back in to what she was saying to me. "-and i hear he's quite the party-er. though if im honest im mainly there for Grayson. god he's smokin' hot." she started the car and we were off. the venue was about a 30ish minute drive from my place since my complex was closer to the edge of the city. "plus, theyre small enough still that they'll most likely drink with us. is that okay?" she asked, turning to me as she hit her breaks for the red light. "I don't wanna be like, wasted." I mumble. the idea of drinking around strangers never was a good one. "You can though, i'll drive us home." I continued, giving her a small smile. And there was that giddy grin of hers, it always made me feel better. "Perfect! im so excited! i know you dont party much but i promise you'll love it." she cooed, before going on to explain that the tickets she gor were basically pay to get in party tickets, and were limited to about 10 ish people excluding the band obviously.

The next 20 minutes of the drive was us jamming out to the album they were touring. I had to admit, I loved this dudes voice. Chloe went over the band members names and what they played. Joel, the vocalist and guitarist, though apparently he could play several instruments too. Grayson, the drummer, her favorite. And lastly their bassist, Arlo, who also could play a few instruments. The more we sang, the more excited i got. i had never even been to a real concert before, let alone one like this.

Holding the CD case in my hand, i actually started to look at the members. inside the case was a picture of them together, with their signatures beside each of their heads. She had gotten this at their last concert. Joel, a kinda small dude, covered in tattoos and freckles with a dark fuzzzy mohawk and green eyes. Holy shit he had braces too. Grayson, a super tall scary looking man, with long black and blue hair, way more piercings than Joel, and gnarly cutting scares all over his body, even his cheekbones. I see why Chloes makeup was blue now. And Arlo, taller than Joel but shorter than Grayson, a lanky androgynous person, with long hair pulled up in a messy ponytail, glasses, and just as many piercings and tattooes as Joel.

The more i stared at the vocalist i started to giggle "How tall is he?"

"Uhh, five eight i think?"

"that voice comes out of that little man?"

"mhm!"

"thats funny as hell."

She giggled with me "isnt it? he's honestly scrunkly as hell. when i met him he smelled like cigarettes and like a woody smelling cologne"

"Chloe that's oddly specific. Why is that what you noticed?"

"It's hard not to when he's just below me in height. his forehead met my nose."

I rolled my eyes and tuned back into the song, into the venue parking we went.

Notes: Grayson belongs to my friend!! @grioxim

Ch 2

Pretty Handsome Awkward Ch List



[red-dyed-sarumane]

ok ok but actually i want to know ur thoughts on the en titles like even with my limited understanding of japanese im????? on half these titles and worse i gotta memorize them bc youtube forces u to read them that way. nooo its not testament its kyuuyaku hankagai nooo its not blade its shuuen touhikou....

okay i actually have my yt set to jpn so all i see of the eng titles is actually second hand but from what i know

last i checked aru sekai shoushitsu was left untranslated. i dont know how i feel about that.

problem for me starts with kyuuyaku hankagai. kyuuyaku IS old testament yes thats where the eng testament comes from. hankagai is actually a bit of word play on magus part bc there IS a word hankagai meaning like a business district or busy downtown area but the hanka magu uses in the title is actually for scientific generalizations with the suffix of town at the end. so u end up with something like town of the old testament's generalizations which. right away u can see how much extra context ur getting from that alone. reducing it to JUST testament leaves out a lot of detail & makes it more open to interpretation. if i didnt know the og title id see testament & go "oh its called testament bc its a testament of her will to work so hard and go thru all this horror time after time after time" but thats not it. look im not a religious person at all but it goes beyond word choice here the opening text is reminiscent (at the very least) of dante's inferno, 2 songs later we get more church imagery & a whole angel, this isnt a one time thing its also a part of the story & to leave it as just testament makes it so easy to ignore or overlook that part. and then there's the fact its one of the songs tied directly to a certain world's disappearance. disappearance has its main lines distributed under specific headers of sorts, each being a single 2 syllable kanji. the first of which is kyuu which is literally "past". translating both to reflect this in eng is. difficult esp when it gets to other songs but even if u leave it as old testament the "old" is Still There & its a lot more possible to catch onto the connection (hard maybe but not impossible)

shuuen touhikou makes me need to talk a walk and im not joking. fucking "blade" sounds like ur trying to appeal to edgy middle schoolers. aside from that when i hear blade im thinking its going to be a fighting song - maybe not a physical fight, but theres going to be conflict- and yes! there IS conflict in this song! its not what i would expect from seeing blade tho! she is fighting & yes the lyrics are like. using her sword to try and forge her own path out when the others let her down, but blade makes it seem like idk some noble fight or something. but u read demise escape & u KNOW shit's serious. it IS a fight but its that kind of "god i dont want to die like this" type of primal fight and not some cool miku swordfighting action. this girl's been told to sit tight and it will work out & she knows thats wrong & the only thing left is for her try whatever she can so that maybe MAYBE she can make it out alive. demise escape as a title hits the type of fear & heaviness thats in the series and gets across and entirely different picture than what blade could ever do. and. again. as one of the main songs blade completely lacks anyway to tie back to the og song. the lines in shoushitsu are shuu which becomes the shuu in shuuen. end & demise are harder to accurately translate in both songs so even with the more accurate eng title its not that easy to tie back into shoushitsu but like. at the very least u can add it as a fun fact or something somewhere.

oumen mokushiroku i just have to sit here & accept that it actually works much to my own dissatisfaction. the direct translation is concave revelation BUT mokushiroku is part of the lyrics in shoushitsu & it has an alternate reading of being pronounced "apocalypse" so a series accurate title here is concave apocalypse & concave is for the most part just tying back to the ou/concave lines in shoushitsu. for as much as i think about this song i actually dont have anything deep to say about the concave part of the title beyond that so like. fine. reduce it to just apocalypse fine whatever i hate it but [throws my hands up] u win this time magu

unplanned apoptosis is accurate the only problem is in jpn u can catch the a-a alliteration in the title but thats not a problem with the translation thats a problem with the english language itself. the alliteration thing is in fact series context btw it keeps in with that repeating fractal theme they emphasized in shoushitsu and kyuuyaku. same with marshall maximizer but there u can actually see it. kanons fine.

kugutsu ashura is. hm. im nitpicking here. literally its puppet ashura. this isnt connected to a shoushitsu heading so ur not losing anything in that regard. however. from what ive been told about ashura (thank u my friend emimin) they arent very.... in control of things. per se. so when u compound that with puppet in the title it just really drives home what she's doing is not her own will. she cannot affect anything beyond how shes supposed to (i guess thats an okay way of putting it) which saying this is also why the motif isnt in this song either but thats off topic. ashura by itself doesnt bother me as much as the others but theres just that little extra context u get from knowing the first part is puppet that adds to it from a series standpoint.

laboratory is fine the only thing is in jpn it has the separation (labo-ratory) so its obvious its on of the songs with the alliteration theme going on. more of a fun fact than actually being wrong. its fine.

as far as i know yamete kudasai and kannagi dont have the official eng titles?? even if they did idk what to say about them bc these titles are already weird from a series standpoint anyway. they dont fit into the 5 kanji title songs category they dont fit into the alliteration category theyre just kind of here. if there IS thematic importance to them we're only going to know when more songs get posted. they dont have any keywords or kanji that tie into any other specific song either. theyre just here.

[jalo-parker]

A cowboy and his dragon shifter boyfriend (old man yaoi !!!!!)

Rarepair even though they're canonically together (well in an au at least) (in the main story they don't even know eachother) 30 tag limit again.. i didnt think id hit it for this one actually...

[37q]

so yall know i gotta lor sis righ. well. fuck dude. those obligations from earlier. part rant part support seeking skip to the very end for that second part

context. 17 y/o not in school, homeless, lowkey estranged from her parents. father is unemployed and lying abt it, abusive and his ego is constantly reacting to his material precaritys impact on his manhood, sits at my old shop all day doing nothing. mom, actually employed, covering for dad, also used to work at my old shop before being fired for stealing a stack of cash, getting worse w her precarity and also sits at the shop a lot a lot. no idea where her lor bro sleeps. no idea how old he is too, could be 12 in an 8 year olds body for all i kno

so i pick her up at 1030, we go to the mall and check the ubreakifix type place and they dont work on iphone 8s. bet. we have a spare XR she bought off her big bro. missing sim tray, got a free replacement from the shop. go to the apple store, the XR is permalocked unless factory reset from the icloud acct tethered to the device (truly dystopian imo), schedule genius bar appt for tmrw at 11. take her back to her friends house, the one i hired a month before i left so she could have a comrade and a place to stay nearish work that isnt her moms (although they were kicked out of their motel right when i hired steven i think. so, unhappy coincidence?).

sis works then so i drop her off at work at 9 and take her phone w me. go home come back to the mall. genius at the bar says its busted, whatever. not like i been sayin that. its missing like the bottom 1/5 of the backing like straight up exposed circuitry and she leans it on its bottom edge on whatever flat surface she can find at her perpetually wet food service job. refurbished options more expensive than the cheap 'new' products, not saying much tho. deliver busted phone and info to her -- her mom and dad are there ofc -- go home. later pick her up that night (last night) and drive her to her gfs in the heights. oh also dropping steven and their mutual friend off at stevens on the way. whatever its like literally en route its actually kinda perfect every time.

apparently im picking her up this morning. Okay. oh yeah shes locked out of her paycard account. she locks the card when shes at 0 in case she gets an auto withdrawal thatll overdraft her. she got paid today so she was gonna unlock it but how did she access her acct previously? thumbprint. no password memory whatsoever. pretty fair, id say? she texted me asking for the last 4 of her SSN this morning. nobody picked up her call to the bank(?) until she called them in the car with me. the form required to change login credentials when u dont have account access required those digits and a form of photo id. no ability to access it from her ADP because the pw changed at some point but it still took her print.

reminder. shes homeless and out of school. she has a birth certificate but thats where my certainty of her documentation ends. ive run into this before where i wanted to start a real bank acct for her but they require legally viable photo id and even non driver state ids require 1. proof of permanent residence (X) and 2. proof of enrollment in school for minors (X) at the MVA.

so anyways weve kinda hit a wall with the limitations her unsupportive parents / guardians have provided! its taking up a large portion of my emotional, mental, physical, and temporal space in life right now so i wanted to make a post about it. my little bandaid desire is to at least set her up with a new phone which i estimate would be $200 minimum for actual 'verified third party vendors of used phones' but ugh i didnt budget for this.

oh the support seeking! if you know me and wanna ease the load on my sisters shoulders a but, id be grateful for some help raising funds for a new phone! ill include some $ links. if were unacquainted but youre reading this anyway and have a spare $5 wed love the support! thanks for reading :)

cashapp: $rmwperfect | venmo: @rmwperfect | paypal: @37q

[ajdrawshq]

ztd crossover with kh but it's just Carlos meeting Terra, Diana meeting Aqua and Sean meeting Ven. Cursed or blessed concept. Go

HM. WELL. i immediately leaned toward cursed bc like (gestures vaguely at ztd) but that feels mean so im gonna try putting some thought into this

Carlos and Terra :] very good pair for the most part i think. just 2 big older bros doing what they do to try to help people.. but it all goes to shit kupo. i can see them getting along pretty well, both due to their personal experiences and bc of who they are in general. also now that i think abt it its kinda funny that both of them happen to be plagued by visions but only Carlos' have an actual explanation?? Terra morphogenetic field moment?? even funnier is that both of them have the same "welp. anyway" reaction to it like yeah this just happens sometimes 👍 kind of unfortunate Terra couldnt use his to prevent bad things from happening too but oh well. its not like hopping timelines is that easy in his universe anyway. Terra still gets bonus points on an individual level bc while there was very little he couldve done differently there Are things Carlos couldve just uh. not done. yknow. things that i think Terra would kick his ass over tbh

Diana and Aqua.... oof. on god we're gonna get u girls some therapy. they were both so severely fucked over by like. literally everything from ingame events to the narrative itself. trapped in two different but absolute hellholes of sitautions for Very Long Amounts of Time and only called upon as a pawn in a game that both defines and ruins their lives and their entire world, and they barely even know it. and the only people they get to talk to at some point in their respective hells are Sigma and Micheal Mouse (and Terra sort of).. yea i think id lose it too tbh. its interesting that Diana was a 100% crucial part of why ztd happened while Aqua's role in Xehanorts plan wasnt really until ddd/kh3 unless u count him planning the whole end of bbs.. before that she was more of an outside force? not that taking her out wouldnt change anything ofc but her direct actions were more harmful to the overall plan than going according to it. i might need to play bbs again to confirm that more but uhh i forgot where i was going with this. i could see them getting along but i dont really remember enough about Diana as a person to know just how well they would? i guess itd at least be nice to have someone else who knows what their oddly specific and horrific situations are like, more or less

finally Sean n Ven.. Man. talk abt kids who cant catch a break for their entire lives no matter how outragously short OR long. they both just have a Lot going on and play some of the most major roles in their respective stories and god knows they didnt ask for any of it!! tho weirdly enough i dont feel much for Sean considering how he fits into the kinda characters i usually get attached to. but maybe thats just bc it was ztd. anyway !! out of the 3 duos here i think these two are most likely to become actual friends. from the memory fuckery to having a greater role in everything than they couldve imagined (both of them essentially being a key at some point..) to even just. having a very limited world in some way. and not having full control over their bodies. and several other major things im probably forgetting they both have. lots and lots and lots of things. they are friends to me

and just some general other thoughts - while im. not entirely sure how to feel abt what ztd does with the morphogenetic field i can at least appreciate the weird memory stuff that comes with body hopping and the possibilities that has when tied to all the other weird memory stuff that already happens in kh for similar or different reasons. like the way ztd (and vlr to some extent) went about it didnt quite hit the way i wanted it to but the concept is cool to me? itd be fun to play around with it in the context of kh i think. or vice versa. altho maybe introducing multiple timelines to the kh universe isnt the best idea.. hm. much to think about

but yeah!!!! overall verdict: mostly blessed with some underlying hints of cursed. like a weird aftertaste

[scaryarcade]

are u able to talk more about coming to understand being a median subsystem within a multiple system cuz thats my situation lmao. im very comfortable with my DID cause ive known about it for 8 years but i only started seriously considering being a facet within the past year and recently have been using my name instead of the other name

ive KNOWN about median systems for as long as ive known abt my plurality (we used to id as median bc the plural community on here was awful and shoehorned everyone who didnt fit stereotypical DID displays into that label, but even then we knew it was wrong) but actually understanding being median myself is all new to me. the lack of clear distinction between me and the other facet and what to even refer to ourselves as is frustrating

although, on the other hand its certainly relieving coming to understand this part of myself, especially because i was suppressed for a long time because i didnt really understand what was actually happening and thought it was an unhealthy thing (can elaborate more on that if needed)

P.S. part of the reason i have DID is because i was abused by my psychiatrist when i was a kid so i fucking hate the psych system too 👍 ur a real one u get it

hi yeah i can do my best!

i only really became aware of being a subsystem...i guess it must have been last year, in the spring? i dont think we actually even really were a subsystem before that. we used to be 1 singular alter, who also happened to be the host--we started hosting right around the beginning of the pandemic in 2020. i think the stress of hosting, both internal and external, caused us to fragment. i think trauma processing has contributed to splits in our subsystem as well? i know 🐛 most likely formed to embody & cope with unearthed feelings/memories related to a specific kind of trauma; in kind of the opposite fashion, i think 🎶 formed to avoid and detach from trauma processing.

its really hard to concisely pin down why "median subsystem" feels like the right term as opposed to just "subsystem", so i'm just going to throw out a bunch of random stuff we experience (this got long so i'm putting it under a cut):

our relationships with each other are very different from our relationships with other alters. we feel intrinsically connected, although we can also feel extremely separate from each other & often have high dissociative barriers. communication & control over switches is actually much harder within my subsystem than it is with alters outside it! (i think this is because of a lack of clear distinction, like you mentioned in your ask.) we often conceptualize ourselves as being clones or copies of the same person; we often feel like different versions of one person. most of us use the same name(s). all of these are factors in why we use the term "median" for ourselves

figuring this out has been a long and confusing process. especially because often we DO function as one unit and all kind of blend together. dissociative barriers sometimes greatly diminish when we feel very safe or minimally stressed; on the other hand, when barriers are high, introspection is hard!!! so coming to terms with "sometimes i just won't know what facet i am for sure and that's ok" has been a whole thing.

i will say the number one thing that has helped us distinguish between each other has been starting to understand our switch triggers. we've really only started fully grasping this within the past month or so. but we are reaching a point where we can look at what's going on in our life and what's going on with our emotions/stress and figure out which facet is likely to be here rn to deal with it.

switches in our subsystem tend to be triggered internally when one of us hits some kind of emotional limit. 🐛 tends to stress out and be hypervigilant and defensive to the point where it can't physically function; when it collapses under the weight of that, then i often show up to give us a break bc my default response is to freeze/go numb lol. if we are lethargic/depressed/frozen for too long or feel stifled/trapped by stressors, 🎶 shows up with basically infinite energy and optimism to break us out of that fog. alternatively, if i get overwhelmed by shame/guilt, 🌻 will perceive this as a threat to our safety and show up with all of his defensiveness & prickliness & general misanthropy lmao.

so, anyway, for us, when we're trying to figure out who's who the general question we've landed on is "what has been overwhelming to us recently" and we can usually get a better sense of who's out this way.

ofc idk if any of this will be at all applicable to your situation but i wanted to share my experience in as much detail as i can jsut in case any of this does end up being helpful ^_^

[rainofdauwuand0w0]

Its one forty six am as i start writing this out on my phone

I sometimes think about alot of things of course randomly, sometimes I ramble about them in a video format (which I will make another rain rambles video at some point) but rn is just my intrigue with seeing…idk things of mine starting to get considered…old? Or seeing the styles of certain things come back, like frutiger aero/web gloss 2.0 and all its other brothers and sisters of styles coming back into the limelight of that era cus we’ve grown up and wanna either re-get in touch with how it was and style our own things after it, or the younger of the current generation z and gen alpha taking a look at it and loving the style. Hearing songs getting bundled in “all your hits of the early 2000’s” and audibly saying “noooo not yet!” While my mom laughs and says “your turn” in a lighthearted manner. Watching things near my homes over the years shift and change, things getting added, places i wished existed when i was younger so Id have more interest to even think about staying in my home state thats been memed about to death but is so goddamn boring when you are actually here, im watching anime bars get added from tiktok, a goth themed food place called biteme i believe dealing in mainly sweets, A FUCKING NARUTO RESTURANT THAT YOU CAN CURRENTLY GET TO GO ORDERS FROM AND THEY PLAN TO EVENTUALLY OPEN THE INSIDE IF IT DOES WELL, I just…

I’m watching the world around me change while i can smell the winds of old blowing of my past at the same time, I picked team present for the splatoon 3 grand festival for another secret reason.

Because the past is hard to remember for me, due to probably a mix of trauma and being in a bad car accident when i was little, I can only emulate the limited good feelings, not to mention me being undiagnosed (still to this day, i only have vibes and peer review) so that combo just…fucks with my mind.

Then there is the future, while my current future looks bright, so many times Ive watched a future that I thought would happen and planned out in my head just crumble apart or feel so damn hard to achieve, I fall and fall into my mind at each time, and eventually I just became just…so focused on the now, so much so it feels like a haze, only recently thanks to my boyfriend of current do I feel comfy even dare looking towards the future.

…hearing splatoon 1’s sounds was both a blessing…and a bit of a curse, good to hear the fun of old songs that made me happy when times were rough…but remembering the rough times themselves almost in a fixed camera view…like silent hill or games that take inspiration from that, being the director to my own fuzzy memory, meanwhile I get nightmares again randomly, even though my brain originally stopped making them, I might’ve talked about it, but in a final nightmare for a bit…my brain zoomed in on a radio, and it said “and thats the end of our dream programming” or something along those lines….but after that, until ive been with my boyfriend a bit, I didnt have nightmares just…blank mind since middle school.

Its weird.

I feel “old” in a sense that only the internet and regular general media can make you, because “okay we kinda acknowledge ourselves as adults now, here is nostalgic vibes playlist to post to youtube and stuff” and also “2000’s hits” just… agh

[booblywooblies]

actually, on the topic of "the little girl you used to be" i have actually had a concept/philosophy since about 2019 about "the girl in the photo"

so for context: ive always been a little genderless goblin, ive always had bowl cuts and played with boy toys and sports and dirt and animals, i wanted to be steve irwin when i was a kid and i hated barbie. this carried on well into my teen years where i was still a tomboy and people thought i was a lesbian, i think it was really starting to hit me that id eventually have to start living as a woman unless i grapple with the fact that im trans (something ive been on and off thinking about since the age of 7)

so i was like okay, im a trans man and im going to transition, but until then i may as well try being feminine, like, yknow for fun, bc ive never really presented that way

this is where the MAJORITY of my "girl" selfies take place, ages 18-22 (i hit my gender performativity limit at 22 and started to have bad break downs about it so thats about when i gave up went back to normal but thats not important for now)

so during this time i was struggling with like, basically trying to look as appealing as possible, i learned how to pose my back and my face and angle my camera just right and i used filters and lighting and all kinds of stuff. i started to develop this idea of "the girl in the photo" she was never actually me because yknow i have a flabby body and half lidded eyes and a double chin and stuff, and because she wasnt me it didnt matter how fake she was so it was okay if i cleared up my skin with apps and edited my face to look less fat. she wasnt me, but like, at the same time she also wasnt *real*

not just in the sense that she was a false lookalike of a real person but she was also a dishonest representation of an identity that didnt belong to anyone in the first place, she was a figment of my imagination that i captured in images and presented to the (online) world as a character i sometimes played

ive actually considered fishing for funny replies on a dating site using old pictures of me and using the name "maisy" in a fake profile. bc when i was 18 i was on okc a lot, i never met up with anyone because they all saw me as the girl in the picture and it made me feel disgusted. but some of the messages i got were so bizarre and it was fun to make fun of them with my friends.

i still like the old pictures i took, they dont really make me feel dysphoric because, even my friends ive known since middle school have said "thats a completely different person, before and after"

and its like, obviously i am what youd consider transgender, i was born with a certain set of genitalia and i didnt feel the initial puberty my innate hormones caused for me was good for my well being (obviously everyones definition of trans is different but for me this is how it worked out for me) but theres something about this character i created for a handful of years of my life that feels like it was the biggest change ive ever made. me pretending to be a woman in appearances only was the most different my gender has ever been throughout my life. like its so simple to me that ive always been male, i was a little boy, a guy, and now im a man. you cant claim to know if you werent there.

[abra-ka-dammit]

when i was a minor the internet was still new enough that it was hard to find specific things

and also it was early enough in Web Existence that i was 100% certain id be hacked or get a virus if i clicked the wrong search result

(also for a lot of it my parents could see what i searched/looked at bc i was dumb and didnt know abt history so i was real careful abt what i typed too)

so imagine how i feel in 2023 as an adult reading ripped scanlations of any yaoi manga i please on a seedy website that didnt exist in My Yaoi Era and seeing just. countless blatant and even self confessed minors in the comments making thirsty statements about dicks and smut and talking about the actually vile Bad ones they read when they were 12 (2 years ago) etc etc

its. horrifying. not only bc theres people with literally "so what im 14 f**k off haters" as a signature talking about how badly they want a giant cock to ride (and no this is not a site where meeting/messaging/talking to people is a thing so i do NOT think its posing pedos at all) but because i know for a fact that if i was their age during this era i would be right there with them. except for the wanting cock thing tbh i was always more into the romance--coming to terms with gay feelings stories hit hard for my confused budding bisexual kid ass. but i would still be one of those, actual children, happily consuming explicit adult content thinking im so mature for my age and getting all sorts of wrong ideas about what is and is not okay in a relationship or just life

like at least i was limited to what was offered on the shelves at barnes & noble and suncoast (and atomic comics, RIP). Stuff officially translated by US companies and stocked in normal bookstores in the 2000's tended not to even show censored wieners, it was all cut off or hidden by spans of magical fuzz or what have u. and even if i wanted more, i wasnt sure how to find it online and if i DID find it i was fairly certain it would break the computer and get my ass in huge trouble

youre not mature for your age, i promise. youre just fucking up your own brain before its fully developed because much as kids SAY they can separate fiction from reality... youre not so good at it. you dont recognize which parts are the fanstasy and which parts are not in these placed-in-the-real-world romance and smut stories. you see obvious manipulation like romantic interest telling main guy not to hang out with other guys bc he gets mad when hes jealous and call red flag but then post heart eyes when its subtle because ohh thats just loyalty thats just love, minor obsession IS romance and the best-friend side character that keeps trying to help their main character friend recognize the toxicity is just annoying

like yall dont even know what youre saying its killing me inside

i hope you dont make the same idiot mistakes and allow the same shitty things as i did in my early romantic endeavors. i hope you come to understand what real love looks like sooner than i did even while having been exposed to so much less. god, i hope.

[bishiglomper]

It's not even 9 and I'm riled up

I woke up to a loud, confident "FUCKIN'-!"

It sounds like the nephew hurt himself. Which didn't actually trigger my anger because of the F word

Its because he said it so adamantly.

Which i then realized started last night.

Before then it would be a scream whisper, going "FAH" or "F'kin". Which irritated the shit out of me, but no, now that i think about it, he blatantly said FUCK several times last night with no shame.

And half the problem isnt even the goddamn F word! He always straight up verbally attacks and abuses us! And when we tell him to go away, he'll come back seemingly calmer and be like

"Hey mom? ...why are so annoying?"

And she'll say something like "I'm trying my best to make you happy."

"You didn't answer my question. I said- why are you so goddamn annoying?

And why is (bishi) so annoying? I just want to play my game, but you, you cant mind your goddamn business! Why can't you just ignore me! I cant believe i have to share the living room with you people!!"

I want to bitchslap him so bad

It's such a shame. He's a very sweet, sensitive boy. He can be so thoughtful. If you're hurting, he asks if he can rub it for you. He asks for cuddles all the time. He likes playing games like I Spy and the alphabet game. He likes doing character voices. He can sing great. He's very good at math and when he realizes he does good in reading he gets so shyly proud of himself. He likes history and all sorts of interesting facts. You do NOT ever make a bet with him over facts he knows. And he's real good with toddlers.

But oh my god. He absolutely cannot deal with any negative emotion. The slightest irritation and he becomes the biggest fucking asshole.

He is not going to make it in the world. At all. Everyone is going to hate him. He's not going to learn to make friends.

Fuck, we're not going to make it. My sister has expressed concern that, when he actually gets bigger than her? He's already like 150. He's a big boy. He could hurt us if he wants to.

When he hits puberty and shit escalates, i dont know what the fuck we're gonna do. He does not listen. He has never had an ounce of respect. We absolutely cant control him.

But the worse he gets, the weaker my sister's guidance gets.

I just. I understand to some extent "i can take it because he feels safe enough to lash out at me without consequences" but that is not turning the flag the color you think it is. And it is giving him the confidence to start treating US that way.

And i don't care if he's autistic. He's not unaware of the world or what's coming out of his mouth, this is not a verbal tic. He can learn some goddamn basic respect and patience for the people around him.

He's not going to learn to brace himself against bad feelings if we don't even bother to teach him how to navigate and deal with those feelings.

He turns 10 in 2 weeks.

Double digits already. And jesus, dont even get me started on the self reliance aspect of his upbringing. I just need him to control his mouth.

You know none of us taught him this. We do not speak to or treat eachother like that at all. He learned it all on youtube and the gaming culture he's exposed to on the oculus.

Ive been warning my sister to limit and control that exposure since he was like 4 and could navigate YouTube on his own. You can see how that turned out.

My sisters childrearing frustrates me so much. Ive shared thoughts, concerns and found all sorts of articles and videos to help provide insight and ideas.

Id been telling her for WEEKS about rejection sensitive dyaphoria. She avoided looking it up because she didnt want to acknowledge another thing wrong with him.

Since then, she read something like. When he feels criticism, he feels like the world is trying to kill him. Not consciously, that's just how his brain chemistry responds. And she doesnt want her squishy widdle baby to suffer. Its just so heartbreaking! That his brain thinks the world is trying to kill him! We must protect his feelings!

Like bitch, no. You need to help him reshape his thinking and reassure him that no, we're not attacking him personally every time he hears anything negative or opositional.

[tears-of-boredom]

okay im going to find out how different genshin is rn. i dont have money for zelda games so the knockoff gacha version will have to do. if its not horrible still. sorry i just fucking hated kind of everything about sumeru. i mean the aranaras where cute, but their quest line was literally the only one i cared about. and the restrictiveness of it all started to piss me off. you couldnt really do shit. cant catch big animals. cant interact with like anything in the world. cant even buy cooking ingredients with the small ass stock. cant lower the rendering distance. cant do quests because "a character is busy with another one of your quests", like what even is that. just hide the models if you don't want the player to see double of a character. also I really hate the animation that happens when you go to the menu/tab thing. I hate how the counters on choosing stacked objects accelerate. i hate how every character looks the same. I hate how you cant skip dialogue efficiently. i hate the arbitrary limitations in the teapot realm build mode. I hate the pointless dialogue options. I hate how the bounty enemies spawn near other enemies. i hate how the hilichurls have been proven to have sentience but the player has to continue killing them. I hate how limited the "difficulty mode" chooser is. i hate the way you have no indication on if a surface is climable or not. i hate the way trees show no indication when you've gotten all the wood that you can from one. i hate how pyro characters get cold just as easily as others, and how fire from their abilities does not affect the cold meter at all. I hate the way boss enemies cant be hit multiple times in a row, and need a pause in between every hit for them to register. i hate the way ley line blooms have no visible count down to their dissapearance, despite there existing one. i hate how they made a single new bait for every fish in sumeru. I hate how the map doesnt show underground areas. i hate how boss enemies take forever to complete their wake up animation, making surprise plummet attacks impossible. i hate how they're getting kids addicted to gambling. "Fresh and Tasty Chop Suey!". "We'll grill your entire fish!". "Fengen's Ironmongers". "Moonpies! That's what I'll make him!"...

have they released a new nation yet? im most excited about the hydro nation probably. I don't have much faith in pyro, and cryo aka uhh i forgot the name...wtv so i feel like cryo will be too story focused that you won't really get chances to do things on your own. I mean id like some old ass, fancy ass, russian empire stuff. maybe we'll get female characters that dont wear booty shorts and thigh highs. perhaps we'll get slavic faces. although thats just wishful thinking. i doubt that they'll spend money on any more player skeletons lmao. although they really arent doing shit with the models either. actually yeah, even if they didnt want to pay someone to make new skeleton rigs, they could definetly do a lot more with the models than what theyre doing now. like genuinely it would not be hard to alter the models to make each one at least a bit unique. like please dont continue to do that smooth skinny dolls with little noses ass shit. also why are their faces so bare. most there is is when the hair covers a part of their faces. but like,, tattoos? smudges? freckles? moles? scars? birthmarks? piercings? like literally anything omg.

i dont have any faith in HoYo to have fixed any of these tbh. i just like having games that have routine things you can do every day, with no big consequences if you miss a day or a week. ill see what updates i can find on it. ill probably download it either way, even if it still sucks and feels tiring. ill delete it if I hate it so much.

[cupcraft]

Cup Mutual's Survey Awards: results!

I am much too swamped with school to do a fancy power point this time (and i didnt think id get 88 responses) so i'll just list out the boring results by name and hope that is okay. If you wanna check the numbers feel free just to look at the survey. I also didnt tag directly the ppl in this survey bc i dont want to spam the notifs feel free to rb so they see it (esp for those nominated that are not mutuals with me though i find it funny and sweet ppl thought we were slfdjdsl!)

This will be long there were 27 categories. listed as winner and runner up. I didnt feel like calculating the %'s, like i said you can view the original survey HERE and the raw data HERE. If i accidentally reported the wrong winner pls let me know. I recommend you look by question not by bar chart bc some ppl have more votes than they appear as ppl put in their names inconsistently.

Also if there were funny answers for a result i did include them as an image below the answer for a q.

1: nicest mutual: gnf (wellwe are not mutuals but i find this very funny regardless /lh!) --- runner up: ctommy

2: most insane mutual: connor6lesbian --- runner up: cerhoney

3: most mirowaveable mutual: connor6lesbian --- runner up: ctommy + funny response:

4: indie blogger mutual: connor6lesbian --- runner up: aliveburs

5: most deranged inniter: inniter --- runner up: ctommy

6: most british mutual: snaxle --- runner up: phantomburs

7: Most american mutual: snaxle (you were so american Snaxle capitalized came in 4th) --- runner up: clingyduoapologist

8: Most discourse prone mutual: inniter --- runner up: connor6lesbian

9: most likely to kill cdream with bare hands: connor6lesbian --- runner up(s): egopocalypse & clingyduoapologist

10: best live reactions: conno6lesbian --- runner up: daggryet

11: best ctommy artist: miku3 --- runner up: ctommy

12: quickest to hit post limit on a lore day: areus-in-a-little-cave --- runner up: connor6lesbian

13: based/word of god mutual: daggryet --- runner up: conno6lesbian

14: most likely to be related to a cc: connor6lesbian --- runner up: ctommy

15: most likely to commit voter fraud in a character bracket survey: ctommy --- runner up: connor6lesbian

16: most obsessed with men's tits: blazevillains --- runner up: connor6lesbian

17: funniest mutual: connor6lesbian --- runner up: ctommy

18: best inniter: inniter --- runner up: ctommy

19: most likely to have a flashy breakup at a famous award's show and then spit in chris pine's lap or something: connor6lesbian --- runner up: sahara4k (i also dont think we are moots(?) but congrats hari!) & re-bi-vebur

20: best variety blogger: connor6lesbian --- runner up: miku3

21: most child mutual: ctommy --- runner up: connor6lesbian (this baffles me ngl)

22: best guy named mara: ctommy --- runner up: connor6lesbian

23: best ctommy blog ("only someone with url ctommy can win!"): ctommy --- runner up: miku3

24: bestest silliest loveliest mutual ever ("I think mara personally"): ctommy --- runner up: connor6lesbian

25: most mara coded mutual (Note: mara ctommy is barred from this category due to rigging and fraud /lh): connor6lesbian --- runner up: cerhoney (it would be once again mara ctommy as runner up but xe is barred from this category!)

26: token 404er: leftistgnf --- runner up: gogtopia

27: least consumed by the fog mutual: gnf --- runner up: daggryet & connor6lesbian

extra's:

Most likely to not be called by actual username: primeboys (lots of people just wrote jan)

A few people explaining their answers:

who did people think would win: ngl i was too tired to count but it seemed mostly mara ctommy!

person listed to lose the most: it might be snaxle again i eyeballed these

did ppl overall believe in the mara sweep? -> seemed overwhelmingly yes! Once again i cannot be bothered to do math.

a few funny comments:

overall thanks mara for the fun idea and thanks for a funny survey ya'll even though it was poorly run and scuffed and also reported (bc of me lmao).

tag list for results: @hecksee @wilburian @crimalwx

[wickedpact]

You can't just drop that "I read Forces Multiplied" bomb on us and not give a ten page written reaction.

[cracks knuckles] if u insist

nicky cant drive hc: destroyed. rip. also i loved how andy and nile stole those sports cars and were being badass and driving off the bridge & meanwhile joe and nicky were just absolutely vibing in the van

'heres the thing about power: people who have it think they deserve it' [shot of police car] i see u greg

5 whole panels being dedicated to booker not being able to unlock his door. booker not even seeing noriko sitting RIGHT THERE in the window at first. incredible

noriko being 24/7 horny was surprising. like wow all of the stuff i saw she did out of context was 100% equally horny in context as it was out of context. love that for her

i didnt think the 'andy + slavery' thing was handled as badly as everyone made it out to be when telling me about it. tho from the way it was talked about i had kind of figured the conflict between andy and nile re: slavery would be really racially charged (esp considering nile is a black american and would obvs have Thoughts on the subject in that regard) but like,, done in a cringey 'a-white-guy-obviously-wrote-it' kind of way? but it wasnt that. i mean. it makes sense that andy would be implicit in slavery through the years

i mean, like she says, is that not what people just did to each other in the aftermath of battles for thousands of years? and i really like how its pointed out that it was what she was raised with (in the beginning when you see her put shackles on that guy after the battle) but she also accepts responsibility for it and acknowledges that it was wrong and not just 'what people did'.

i like how from her expressions you can kind of tell baby andy knew it was off but she sets those feelings aside bc she felt angry. it explains how she felt but didnt make her out to be blameless in it. plus i mean. i dont know, the fact that andy was involved in a lot of morally shady stuff for 7000 years is not that wild for me. if you live that long youre just Going to be involved in some shit, and she didnt even have other immortals with her as positive community influences, she literally just did whatever the fuck she wanted for thousands of years

'i was worshipped as a god once' i mean, yeah no shit she wouldve been involved in some seriously fucked up stuff, gods were fucking scary back in the day

tldr it could use some polish but it wasnt that bad

tho everything people said about moose being boring was unfortunately a little true. sorry king i tried to be interested in you

joe and nicky writing verbal fanfiction about nile and moose was iconic. 'you seeing that?' 'i am definitely seeing that'

it was also extremely funny bc that was like 60% of their contribution to the whole comic, besides kidnapping copley. they came, they wrote some fanfic, they left. kings. at least in tog1 they had an excuse to be useless bc they got kidnapped

joe just found out his old friend who he thought was dead is alive (and also probably wants to murder them) and instead of investigating with andy he stopped to help nile up. champ.

nicky shooting noriko through andy was cool. rip to the concept since it wont happen in tog2

wanna see mr ejiofor deliver this line

on that note imo copley was. weirdly enough, more interesting in fm than in tog1. to me at least. the fact that andy let him live and he was so haunted by what had happened that he came back and sought them out despite knowing they would likely kill him for it bc he wanted to not only make up for what hed done but also to tell them what theyd done for the world was admittedly more interesting than andy just kind of drafting him to the cause and him going 'okie'

i like how nicky was drawn in this one. in opening fire he looks like a blob man but in fm he looks more like a very nice grampa with a very good dye job

'theres no pain like a broken heart' andy 🥺

noriko implying andy's never drowned. .. .idk about that one, she musta drowned sometime

joe and nicky came, they waxed poetic about nile's love life, they waxed poetic about grog, and then they left.

sports bras being a reason humanity is good. i mean..... okay, yeah.

i mean. wild but you cant exactly tell her shes wrong

i liked how noriko telling andy that their purpose is to make people suffer coincides with joe and nicky finding out that they actually did good all those years

joenicky in opening fire: jail for booker jail for booker for 100 years

joenicky when copley tells them he knows where booker is: WE'LL KILL YOU WHERE IS HE

joenicky when copley comes back: if your vibes come off as even remotely rancid we Will destroy you

joenicky 2 minutes later when copley helped them find booker: he made up some ground :)))) <3 lov you j cops

theyre forgiving af

moose: how old are you?? a hundred??? a thousand???

nile [vine voice]: I M 2 7 ?

alright andy you got me there

joe texts like my aunt

i dont know why noriko drowning andy in that car tickled me. Bad And Naughty Andromaches Get Put In The Pear Wiggler To Atone For Their Crimes.

the drowning sequence was cool

copley trying to talk to andy while she was like o_o at him was great

ive hit the picture limit but id seen that panel where nicky goes 'forgive me' as he kills a guy out of context and it was HILARIOUSLY anticlimactic for me to discover that there was literally no context to it. nicky just apologizes to random people he kills. i thought that guy was someone he knew or something. nope its just Some Guy that nicky didnt know from adam

nile's complaint that andy was especially brutal to the guys on the boat... i mean. . , how exactly does one kill a man with an axe and not be brutal about it?

it was funny how noriko kissed andy and the only people who seemed surprised by that were nile and also andy

nicky and joe's complete non-reaction to finding out noriko is alive And Evil Now is endlesly funny. they just left her on that boat and neither cared. i get book and nile not caring but joe and nicky knew her, and they just have 0 input on the subject of what to do with her

pinstripe suit guy!

joe and nicky and booker packing up and leaving with nile

andy blowing up at nile was A Moment tho

i dont know, i get why people didnt like the ending but its. .. . it makes more sense in the comicverse. bc the squad doesnt really. .. interact outside of jobs? i mean, think of the moon landing story in ttt. that was booker and joe and nicky doing a job and andy only showed up a for a couple minutes after it was done. or the brunch in the first issue of opening fire. the squad arent as tight in the comic, and andy often seems to do her own thing outside of work, so andy saying 'i dont want to do work anymore' and the squad being like 'alright bye then' makes more sense in this universe than the movie one

also i feel like greg was Trying to set up a thing where nile becomes the Leader of The Squad after andy dies but like. its not very well done since. . . i mean, nile hasnt spoken to booker since opening fire, (and she only knew him A Day). and shes known joe and nicky all that time, but there isnt really anything that indicates that they have any relationship at all, much less one that's grown. in all the comicverse the only time nile and nicky speak is in FM, and in that scene nicky tells nile about noriko. nile goes from someone who needs to be set aside to have background knowledge explained to her to being the Leader of the group with nothing in between. it kind of... comes out of nowhere.

on the other hand tho... i felt really bad for andy thru the whole thing. well, i always felt bad for andy, but in this one she seemed so miserable, especially since it really felt like none of the others actually.... cared about her. when noriko came back no one asked andy how she was doing (big question ik, but it wouldve showed they cared at least), nobody ever expressed any concern for her, no one even really seemed to want to be around her. in opening fire everyone was more distant than in the movie of course, but there were little moments where she would joke with joe, or nicky would try and comfort her, or stuff like that, but in FM it really felt like they just didnt really care about her. & in opening fire it felt a lot like andy's relationship with nile breathed some new life into her, but in FM it felt like all they did was argue. i get theyre not *as* close in the comics but it really felt like the only person who cared about andy at all was noriko (which was probably also how andy felt) but it just seemed to come out of nowhere. honestly i was reading and i was honestly agreeing with andy that she might just be better off if she did just die. opening fire, on the other hand, never make me feel that way

tho everyone made it sound like when the squad split up it was one of those cursed 'the found family leaves each other at the end of the journey' tropes. but guys i mean,,, this is the second installment out of three. that isnt the End. theyll come back in the third one and Dramatically Reunite to fight some baddies (probably those 'others' noriko mentioned). im guessing yitzhak fits into that too somehow.

anyways it wasnt That Bad but it made me kind of sad and the only Sweet Found Family vibes in it were when they saved booker. also they shouldve beefed up that nilemoose romance, it underwhelmed me. 6.5/10

i also ABSOLUTELY understand all of greg's comments about how you couldnt make FM directly into a movie, he always said that it had no plot and. i get it now. it really didnt have a plot sdfghjkl

[blookmallow]

got through the hereditary script as well, heres a couple things

i dont remember this scene very well so i dont know if this made it to the final version, but, very interesting that bridget (peter's crush, who turns out to be part of the paimon cult) is the one who makes this comment about control, more on her later

i had been wondering why charlie was the one chosen when peter was born first, and paimon prefers a male body - i forgot this detail, evidently annie blocked her mother from being involved with peter at all

im not sure exactly what she means by "gave her my daughter," i guess annie allowed her mother to be obsessively involved with charlie to the extent she was Because she shut her out so much with peter?

not only was charlie's death planned, but the exact pole that was meant to decapitate her was marked from the beginning

also, the reason peter swerves in the exact right place to cause the collision with the pole was because of the placement of this carcass - it definitely was not there by accident

im not sure how they would have planned for charlie to have her head out the window at this exact moment (it could be reasonable to predict she would be struggling to breathe and might do this, but not a guarantee) but it could have just been paimon's influence pulling her in the direction they needed

charlie knew about bridget. maybe not consciously, but she knew something was wrong about her

its confirmed in the script that the paint bottle DID tip over very intentionally and purposefully - annie never actually touched it

i didnt notice this, but charlie's empty chair specifically "divides annie and peter" - small visual detail, but a significant one

i missed this detail as well but joan stresses the importance of starting the ritual with the whole family present - she doesn't say why, but it seems like it's vital to something

but annie doesn't do this, we don't see what happened when she tried it alone, but she starts the ritual by herself first before she goes to get her family to show them

i dont know what that means. my initial thought was that maybe the reason it went Wrong and was not charlie as they knew her was BECAUSE she did it alone, but then, why would joan have told her the family needed to be present if the cult actually wanted this to happen?

maybe she knew annie would do it by herself anyway, but then, why bother to tell her the family was supposed to be there? i cant figure this out but i feel like it has to mean something

if anyone has any input here id love to hear it

i dont think this made it to the final version? i feel like i would remember it if it did, but anyway, oof,

anyway ive hit the image limit now but a couple last things:

- bridget is "especially disturbed" when peter has the possession breakdown in the classroom. this combined with her commenting on the destiny/fate/loss of control in tragedy in the english class before is interesting - she's part of the cult, she's the one who lures peter in, she's probably the one who poisoned charlie or at least had a hand in it, but she's disturbed by it. maybe she was forced into this role by someone in her family, or someone in the cult, and maybe this isn't what she really wanted. maybe she's questioning her own agency and fate as well as peter's. maybe she was trying to give him hints about what was really going on, maybe she wanted to stop it or to warn him or something but couldn't find a way out and he didn't pick up on the signs

- the cultists are all wearing red cloaks during the ritual at the end in this version of the script. somehow the decision to make them all naked instead is so much more disturbing. finding a man in a red cloak standing in your living room is terrifying, but somehow if he's standing there naked it's worse

[astronomical-bagel]

fanfic trope: coffee shop au (for the ask meme)

(sorry i didnt answer this sooner i hit the post limit XD)

Uhhh i forgot what each category was specifically but i think id give this a C? I dont usually go looking for it, but ive seen pretty good ones... and some pretty bad ones. The trope in and of itself is pretty cute though! I just wish people would make them more realistic to actually coffee shops lol. Its got so much potential for a workplace comedy!!! i want to hear about insane customers and coworkers who spill milk on the floor and local store "ghosts" and people coming up to the drive through on a horse!!

Anyways yeah coffee shop aus aren't really bad but there's definitely ways i would deviate the general standard if I made one