#i didnt even get through it all but ive been playing for 2 hours & wanted to stop.

[humanmorph]

man. the kentucky road zero intermissions are probably some of my favourite things in a video game ever

[crushedsweets]

Do you have any headcanons of Lyra and Toby’s relationship?

this has been in my inbox for like over a week by now because this is a big task in my head. i will focus more on the family itself, but obviously the siblings r there.

ROGERS FAMILY HCS UNDER THE CUT... tw for abuse and addiction, of course

ok. WE'RE GETTING PERSONAL HERE. im the eldest daughter of 3 so the way in which i project into older siblings is insane. ive also had an addict father(no where near like frank though let me clarify) so in general . . the story.. makes me feel very...... basically their relationship is very personal to me.

lyra is about 2-3 years older than toby.

frank's dad was in the vietnam war, his grandparents were in wwii, his grandparents in wwi, etc. so he went into military service right after marrying connie. for a long while, he was SUPER military strict. those kids were up, made their bed, and down for chores by 6am everyday. he made them do military time rather than civilian time. he was incredibly traditional, expected a perfectly clean household, a polite soft daughter, a strong bold son, perfect wife. he wanted the 1950s nuclear family model. so toby and lyra grew up in a very clean, strict, traditional household.

in my au, frank wasnt outright abusive until the kids were around 8-11. it was after he developed his addictions and lost his job. the kids really didnt understand what was changing at first, and legitimately were like 'omg dad isnt making us wake up at 5am everyday..... this is so cool'.

theyd start having sleepovers in eachothers room, slacking a bit on chores, going to sleep late, sleeping in. toby didnt develop his tourettes until he was around 7, so lyra and toby would walk home from their elementary school together. sometimes, theyd walk another friend home first, stop at convenience stores to get candy, pet a cat, etc. frank didnt say a thing for the first few months, just drunken grumbles along connies worried 'WHERE HAVE U BEEN'. if they weren't walking around the area, they were in the backyard playing soccer.

eventually the abuse began, and all of those little freedoms were quickly stripped from the kids.

toby developing tourrettes around this time was a painful coincidence, because not only did he experience abuse at home, but awful bullying at school. he was promptly pulled out after completing 3rd grade. he was only 8.

lyra would practically run home from school everyday, as fast as a 12 year old girl with a backpack could manage, just because she spent all 7 hours in school worrying about toby at home. connie had to start working to pay bills, so..

when toby was around 11 and lyra was around 13, toby started kinda just. being more distant. he was kind of a dick to lyra for a period of time, half because of everything he was going through, half because puberty is rough. his room started getting messy, lyra had to start picking up chores he was slacking on , etc. lyra isnt perfect and began to resent toby for this, and eventually, the two were kinda at eachothers throats for like 6 months. which isnt a lot, but for kids, its an eternity.

when franks abuse evolved from ''just'' verbal abuse, to shoves, to slaps, to full on beatings, toby started egging frank on. just to get him off of lyra and connie. obviously he couldnt feel it, and while it sure took a fucking mental toll, it was so much easier to just wait it out rather than listen to the girls cry.

lyra didnt even realize toby was doing this for a while, she just thought it was all part of him going through his little hormonal asshole phase, until one day frank made a fucked up comment about 'youre lucky that boy is always causing trouble. was supposed to be you'. then it kinda clicked and she very quickly tried to fix their relationship back to what it was.

frank eventually scared connie so badly that there'd be periods of time where she'd take the kids in the middle of the night, and run off to either her parents place, or even a random hotel in another city. she'd use cash, force the kids to keep their phones at home, leave literally everything behind and often make the kids pick out new toothbrushes at a random walmart. etc. it would only last a few days each time, and lyra fought so hard to stay strong while her mom cried and toby closed himself off.

she'd try to get toby to come to the hotel pools with her, try to get him to watch tv with her, try to get him to just fucking talk to her. he was often catatonic during these little runaways, once the confusion adrenaline and fear wore off

it wasnt until they went around a month without seeing their father, and frank had some weird fucking. 'those are MY kids too' thing and went to connie's parents house while all the adults were out, and forced the kids back home. this was the first time lyra was full on sobbing and begging and pleading in years. that was what shifted something in toby, too.

now tobys 13, lyras 15, and theyre on better footing. theyre starting to understand eachother. tobys back on keeping up with chores, knowing that either him lyra or connie was going to get beat if they were missed. sometimes he'd just silently come into lyras room and lay down and watch tv with her. they'd talk about books, about school, their trust was built right back up and toby ended up being the first to know about lyras school drama, gossip, boys, etc.

toby wasn't really socialized properly, since he's been homeschooled for 6 years by now. all the time, he'd hear lyras stories, and wish he could go to school. his mom would be horrified anytime toby asked, because all she could remember was her sweet boy coming home and crying into her arms after a day of being mocked and pushed around by peers.

so he began to live through lyra, in a sense ? he almost became a diary for lyra, and he kinda loved it. she was like a sitcom to him.

frank wasnt a good father by any means during this period, he was still awful, but he wasn't constantly looking for trouble. the kids kept to themselves, connie did everything she was expected to, he didnt give a shit about their grades or social lives. he couldn't even recgonize when lyra was coming home late.

lyra got her license the second she turned 16. the house had two cars, and its not like frank was ever going anywhere, so she was always going everywhere. she adored the freedom, and took toby wherever he'd let her. he only really left the house if he was going grocery shopping with his mom or something, so it was kinda weird now that he was just. going to malls. going to restaurants. going to parks. just Hanging Out. every now and again he'd stick around when Lyra was with her friends, but he didn't like them so it was rare.

sometimes theyd just drive together for a long time. at night, she was the one to take him to every hospital visit, she even got him to volunteer at a pet shelter she worked at for a bit. 3 years and they become so close again, and lyra is tobys best friend. she's his entire world because who else does he have ? he loves his mom, but she's married to the man he hates more than anything

toby was 16 and lyra was 18 when frank strangled toby till he passed out. thats finally when connie kicked frank out, forcing frank to go live on his moms couch. lyra was mortified and started spending an absurd amount of time with toby. she took online community college courses just so she could spend even more time with toby, and it didnt hurt to do so since frank wasnt there anymore. things were getting better for the family, frank was gone, lyra was in college, connie was working, toby was volunteering at shelters and even had a few acquaintances he'd talk to now and again.

lyra picked toby up from the shelter he volunteered at when the accident happened.

lyra and connie had matching silver necklaces with a circle pendant that had their initials. toby didnt cuz frank would get pissed if toby tried wearing jewelry, but when lyra died, toby immediately clung to it. he wears it religiously. the only time he takes it off is if he knows he's going to kill someone that day. otherwise, its always on him.

lyra died and was buried in colorado. toby lives in alabama now. so he really doesnt visit her grave often. only on her birthday, he'll scramble together some money and get brian, tim, and kate to agree to cover his uh. 'shifts' with slenderman, and take a few loooonnnggg train rides over to colorado.

he'll leave two bouquets of flowers. one for lyra, one for connie.

connie just feels in her heart that its toby. she has no reason to believe it, they've never bumped into eachother (toby's visiting at like 2am and falls asleep near the grave for a few hours), but she knows nobody else whos visiting lyras grave and leaving two sets of the same flowers.

toby and lyras childhood home was put on sale shortly after it was reconstructed from the fire, and connie moved in with her sister. lyras bedroom door was the only one that was shut and left unscathed after the fire (legitimately keep your doors shut if you ever have a housefire it can save entire bedrooms and even lives). the rest of the house was ruined, but not lyras room. connie kept every single one of her belongings, but she's put some photos out on the grave. tobys taken them, and connie believes it was him. again, she has no reason to believe it other than the flowers and 'why would someone take a photo of my dead daughter.'

anyway hi. in tears. i love them. sorry. i just retell their story over and over and get sad everytime

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for asking my mum to clean out the kitty litter trays even though its usually my chore

i drove to doctors and work this morning, i worked 8.30 till 5 she worked 8.30 til 4 and drove home after her shift ended to pick up my dance clothes for me (i only didnt have them because i had to stay late at work since 3 people went home sick).

my friend cancelled on me for dance tryouts so i spend the afternoon crying and eventually choose to go anyway because i was excited for hiphop but by this point my head is pounding.

i get out of work, she drives me to dance and goes to get macdonalds while she waits for me to get out. halfway through dance they mention we are not even doing hiphop today not until next week (u have to pay for the tryouts btw)

i get out 7.40ish. on the drive home im thinking "fuck its almost 8 i havent done any uni study, (i have 2 lectures, a quiz and like 8 readings that need to be done today and tomorrow), i havent spent any time with our cats or cleaned their litter trays yet."

for reference we have new cats and are introducing them into a house with a dog so rn we have them in one room and let them out occassionally while putting the dog out back, while i clean out the litter trays and top them up every day, once a week we empty them completely and clean them out

so we get home and i say "would it be too much to ask if you could please do the litter trays tonight" i try to explain that i have a headache and ive still got a lot of uni homework to do and i havent spent any time with the cats so i'd play with them for a bit while she cleans the trays and then do my homework

immeadiately she starts yelling at me that shes tired, she hasnt been home from work all day, she did it last time, shes done so many favours for me already today and blah blah blah.

the way i see it, first, i clean the kitty litter trays every day and vacuum their room. she has literally never done this, she emptied out and washed a tray last week because i was sick and got home from work and passed out. i (a learner btw so im very stressed when i drive) drove us to her appt and then to work, i worked more hours than her today, i danced all night with a headache, i also have not been home all day, after being cancelled on and then them not even doing the type of dance i wanted to do and i still have to do uni work tonight so i dont think im the selfish one here.

but sitting in my cats room while they eat their dinner i can hear her storm about and slam doors because shes so mad at me but i dont understand am i in the wrong here?

also literally as i am writing this she comes out and goes "tell me when youve finished dinner so i can let the cats out. and DONT leave it too late" while my food is literally cooking as we fucking speak jfc.

i have a bit of a diary where i write when mum is mad at me because if i mention to her that she upset me it never goes well so i write it down to safely let those feelings out and as i was writing this one i just needed some clarity i really cant fathom any reason for her to be mad except egocentrism so perhaps an unbias outsider can shed light?

What are these acronyms?

[ndoandou]

Ikevamp bois playing modern games part 2

Vincent

Vincent is way into.. gartic phone

Qnd perhaps skribble.io

Like way into it

He would sit down 12 hours in front of the computer and guess what HES BEEN PLAYING GARTIC PHONE AND SKRIBBLE.IO IN A LOBBY OF RANDOMS

12 HRS IN HES STILL NOT DONE WITH BOTH GAMES

Hed obv speedrun a drawing in a short period of time and manage to make it look *chefs kiss*

Imagine if skribble.io had a vc feature tho

No no, like imagine if people were actually toxic in this goofy ahh game

They would yell down vincent down the mic telling him to go play with photoshop

Randoms are salty that vincent can draw and portray even the most ridicilous prompts which results him with the highest score always

Not to mention hes really good at guessing even the shittiest drawimgs from other ppl

"Broer how- that persons drawing looks ridicilous, even arthur's dog could draw that"

"Don't be mean theo! I could guess the drawing from the emotional connection i felt from it"

Jean

Jean has a shitty brick nokia phone

And he really loves playing snake II

No im serious

Well i suppose momte doesnt trust him with any other phones than that

the last time he was given a smartphone he downloaded some hack and slash game

took the word slash literally and then proceeded to cut the phone into two

comte was too stunned to speak

momte didn’t want his kids to miss out on gadgets but he cant have jean destroying his smartphone

BINGO! a nokia 3310 it is! 

jean didnt know how to react at first, but he found it easier to navigate and thats when he found out baout snake II

found it a bit pointless at first but despite saying that, he doesnt realize that thats the only thing he does besids fencing

snake II is his pre workout

the only thing he will be doing before his fencing practice

before meals

and before bed

‘‘jean are you sure you haven’t had enough of snake II..?’‘ comte asked causiously as he never know how his son Jean would react

jean looked at comte and stayed silent for a hot minute

‘‘no’‘

Napoleon

OK FLASH BACK TO MY E BOY NAPOLEON FANART FROM 2021

its official

He plays league of legends

Napoleon is deffo a jungle/top main

Jungle preferabbly

Bros actually cracked coz hed turn any non meta champs into an absolute beast

I see him being especially good with pantheon jungle

Hed play league with jean tbh

And jean would be a dedicated top

But i dont see jean being the best player..

No, like imagine napoleon defending jean from "top troll" and getting spammed "?" On his lane

Napo would literally go to that persons lane just to steal their minion last hits

If hes feeling extra hed even use pantheons ult to yeet over to that player to ks all the minions on that person's lane 😭

"Jgl troll gg"

Ok napo is actually not toxic and is rly nice to play with

Hed even supp for you if ur learning a new champ

Hes only toxic to people who are toxic to his buddies

Comte

Ill be honest

Comte looks like someone who would download all games from every ad pop up he gets

And im talking about anything gacha related

He does not care whether the game is explicit or not as long as he can collect pretty characters

Is he interested in the gameplay??? Probably not.

"For what reason did you spend $$$$$$ on xxx game???" Leonardo asked as he scrolled through comte's in game billings, cocking an eyebrow

"Hm? Well i simply wanted to collect all of these lovely looking characters."

"Without leveling up your characters?"

"Non"

"Do you understand how to play this game?"

Comte only looked at him with his unwavering smile

"honestly this is the most ridicilous spending ive witness from you, heh" Leo snorted

"Much appreciated, but i dont recal asking for any input, old friend" comte retorted

Leo looked at him and sighed

"Honestly at this point i shouldn't be surprised"

.

.

This took me forever to upload because i coulndn't figure what type of game comte would play then one day i was like AHAAAAA

Also i didn't proof read as always so pls dont chop my head off :"))

[quodekash]

its been an hour and a half and I am precisely 17 minutes through the episode. this is gonna be a long night

SO-

SO WHY-

SO WHY DIDNT YOU-

WHY THE HELL DID YOU NEVER FREAKING TALK TO YOUR SON ABOUT SOCCER BITCH????

HE'S CLEARLY INTERESTED IN IT TOO

maybe you could've talked to him about it when he was asking you about fifa

you recognised the game, and he said "do you know this game?" and instead of telling him what you know about the game, or how you used to play it, or engaging in some kind of conversation, you say "Ive seen a lot of young people playing it during my campaign" because all you seem to care about is politics and the campaign, and teenagers as a whole generic concept rather than as individuals, and you dont seem to think of your SON as an individual

and I get that parenting is mistakes over and over again and its a learning experience for everyone involved, but I feel like after 18 years maybe you should have a hang on like. holding a positive conversation with your son for over 90 seconds?

WHY THE HELL DID HE NEVER TALK TO HIS SON ABOUT SOCCER, THATS ALL I WANT TO KNOW

SURELY HE SAW SAILOM AND KANG TRAINING VIGOROUSLY FOR KANG TO TRY OUT FOR THE TEAM

HE COULDVE JUST GONE OUT THERE AND SAID "hey I used to play a lot, can I help give some pointers?" AND HE COULDVE PLAYED SOCCER WITH YOUR SON AND HAD A GOOD POSITIVE BONDING EXPERIENCE WITH HIM

BUT NO, INSTEAD HE DECIDES TO PAY TO GET KANG ON THE TEAM

and I get that he had good intentions, he saw that kang wanted to be on the team so he wanted to ensure that kang got what he wanted. but it would've been better to actually show an interest in his sons interests rather than keeping it on the sidelines, to let his son work for a reward rather than just giving it to him without having achieved anything.

sorry I need to shut up about this man but I have so many thoughts and he could be doing so much better but he just isn't

yes

yes

thank you sailom, thank you

yeah, that about sums it up

good job

you got there

finally

but even though its been so long of you neglecting him, it's not too late to try to slowly fix those broken bonds

if you both work together, you can work this out

(ah crap now ive got the song from high school musical 2 stuck in my head)

(what is it with this series and making me think of high school musical)

BRO JUST DID THE SPLITS

THATS IMPRESSIVE

are you okay my guy?

ahhhh

okay

so the root of the issue: terrible communication

juST TALK TO YOUR SON-

how very heartliming of them

noooooo the angst is already here

they had the scene PERFECTLY set up for a tender guynawa moment, and yet they dove right into the angst

guy was injured and in the nurse's office thing

when guy got injured, nawa looked so worried about him

there was a perfect opportunity for nawa to go visit him and tease him lovingly and for them to have a thuakan moment in the sickbay

but no, of course its episode 10 and of course they're following the msp formula where they develop the side couple an insane amount in episode 9 and then come episode 10 and its focused on one of the main character's and their parent

which like is fair, both this plotline and the msp episode 10 plotline are very important but like come on man I just want my side couple content

oh

oh crap that is bad

but he'll be fine

right?

he'll be okay

he's still alive right?

he's just unconscious

the ambos are there, they'll patch him up and he'll be okay

please

kang and kong need to repair their relationship, and it's not too late for that

right?

surely

crap im scared

they didnt kill gim in msp, I have to trust that they wont kill kong

istg if they make both the main characters orphans--

ha fun.

this is so fun.

I am highly amused in this present moment.

how wonderful it would be to see your boyfriend's father potentially dying, and then moments later to see your brother being restrained and taken out of the house, clearly being arrested for that exact crime.

just such a... joyous experience.

HOLY CRAP THE EPISODE STARTED AIRING TWO HOURS AND TEN MINUTES AGO AND IM ONLY JUST NOW ON 2/4, I HAVE A PROBLEM

SEE??? HE'S FINE, ITS FINE, I TOLD YOU IT WOULD BE FINE

ALL OF YOU WERE SO SO WORRIED BUT I WAS COMPLETELY CALM AND COLLECTED

HOY FRICK NOODLES COVERED IN GRAVY AND DOING THE NUTBUSH IM SO RELIEVED

CRAPPP

WHAT THE HELL??

it was an accident right?

or was he trying to keep name out of trouble

FRICK NOW THIS IS MAKING ME THINK OF FREAKING JUSTINE FROM SHAKE AND STIR PRODUCTION OF FRANKENSTEIN THAT I SAW AT QPAC THE OTHER DAY (which, by the way: so freaking good. if anyone happens to be in Brisbane for whatever reason (im not sure why any of you would, I have precisely two aussie bl mutuals, and one of them lives in Melbourne and the other is my irl friend who I watched it with) and you have a spare 50 bucks lying around (anyone under 30 can get a youth ticket for 49 bucks I believe, which is like insanely cheap for such a high quality production), GO SEE IT, THIS IS AN ORDER)

oh I got distracted

anyway AAAAAAA SAIFAH'S GOING TO JAIL FRICK FRICK FRICK FRICK FRICK

...great. wonderful. so good.

I get it, kang's feeling a lot right now, which is fair because his father got shot for goodness sake, and his father might die, and he's already lost his mother, so he needs someone to blame, and saifah confessed to it, so why wouldn't he be angry at saifah?

but the problem comes in with associating saifah with sailom because they're brothers. he has every right to be angry with saifah (although I still believe saifah didn't actually shoot him), but sailom didn't touch that gun.

and now sailom's gonna have to go back to escorting, because if kang has kicked him out then he needs some way to find money, and that's when that scene from the trailers is going to happen

well now I feel like crap

is it time for a playful guynawa scene to lighten the mood? please tell me its time for a playful guynawa scene to lighten the mood

what

hey

hang on

wait a second

you told him to do it, didn't you??

you asked for his help for a few things

is he just acting surprised? why does he have to say that? he doesnt have to say anything at all he could just be like "well this sucks" and not like condemn him or whatever, I still dont think saifah actually did anything wrong

maybe he was manipulated as well?

maybe the guy, his boss, snuck in and he was the one who shot him, and name didnt know that guy was there so in his mind it must've been saifah?

or maybe hes testing ging to see what she actually thinks on the situation

I have literally no clue right now im so confused

GUY

HES IN HOSPTIAL

HE JUST HAD SURGERY

SO

SO

IS NAWA GONNA SHOW UP?

WILL HE HAVE A GIFT BASKET OR SOMETHING?

PLEASE I JUST NEED SOME HAPPINESS

AND I NEED GUYNAWA

PLEASE GUYS

MAYBE ALL THE FRIENDS SHOW UP

AUTO AND MAX AND NAWA

AND THEN AUTO AND MAX EXCHANGE A LOOK AND LEAVE NAWA ALONE WITH HIM

PLS I NEED IT

AWWWWWWWW

GOU4ERHSGPI4ERBNDPGIV

I LOVE ALL OF THESE POEPLE SO MUCH

OH????

YES

YES YE SYE SY EYS EY EY EYSH OM SO EXCITEF OMG

AND THEY WERE THE ENTIRETY OF THE PREVIEW FOR 3/4

ARE WE GONNA GET A WHOLE TEN MINUTES OF JUST GUYNAWA????? PLEASEEEEE

OMG

I WAS KIDDING ABOUT THE GIFT BASKET THING

BUT I WAS RIGHT ABOTU THE GIFT BASKET

THIS IS AMAZING

HES SO IN LOVE WITH HIM, HE WENT TO THE HOSPITAL ALONE TO GIVE A GIFT BASKET TO A GUY HE SUPPOSEDLY HATES BUT WHOM HE HAS HOMOEROTIC TENSION WITH

AAAAAAAAOUGHROJBD

I CANT BELIEVE I WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE GIFT BASKET THIS IS FREAKING ADORABLE

BRO WHY THE HELL ARE YOU HERE THIS LATE

and he doesnt have the gift basket anymore

has he already gone to visit guy and he's just come back

and we fully just missed an entire scene

guy only seems surprised that he's here outside of visiting hours

so they've already seen each other??? there was a whole scene of nawa giving guy the basket, and of them being queer as hell, and we didnt get to see it??????

TO THE ROOFTOP?

HONEY THIS IS A DATE

YOU'RE TAKING HIM ON ANOTHER DATE WITHOUT TELLING HIM ITS A DATE

JUST FREAKING MAKE OUT AREADY

also: the rooftop???? thats an inherently patpran thing. and patpran = soundwin. soooo... this is more evidence that guynawa are a different brand of soundwin

EVERYONE'S SO KIND TO HIM IM GONNA CRY

oh, honey...

ITS A DATE

ITS A FRIKIN DATE

THIS IS A FRIKIN DATE

HOLY FRICK

idk, maybe itll be easier to spot if you kiss first

2 hours of them just sitting there in silence?? when they couldve been kissing or holding hands or something?

NOOO I RAN OUT OF IMAGES HANG ON GUYNAWA JUST GIMME A SEC

(ps I forgot to actually post this one, I accidentally saved it as a draft so its coming after the final post I made lmao)

[row666]

i want to spend a whole day doing nothing but listening to all of techdog. i want to be alone with nothing but my thoughts and this project.

techdog 1-4 are full of fun rhythms and melodies, that keep lasting longer and longer as the albums progress. when listening to the albums sequentially, you dont really notice the track length increasing. 4’s tracks feel as long as 1’s did, at least in my memories of it.

techdog 5 is where we reach act 2. uncertainty permeates through this album. the tracks become more ambient, and more ominous, hinting at whats to come. despite this, i still hear some hope in the tracks. it ends on a track that reveals what is coming, but i still hear hope through the noise. it ends with a sudden drop, then silence.

6 begins immediately. the first track starts with complete noise. the only constant being a low drone. the track spends over a minute fading out. then we are back to noise.

this album is the first noise music ive enjoyed listening to. i normally get bored by it, but this one showed my that noise music can be interesting to hear. i still feel the idm of techdog 1-4 in the tracks, the origin of these albums being vaguely gestured at through all the sound.

6 ends with a very hopeful track. did we leave the storm? or did we reach the eye? i dont know, and i dont think it matters. we have found a relief from the noise, and we celebrate in triumph. and we end on a happy note.

7 starts in silence. the storm has faded, and we are left. the slight breeze is all that remains. we’re happy to be out of the noise, but we’re left with nothing to focus on, and nothing to do. we cant go back to the start, the fun of 1-4 is many hours behind us now. we are left with nothing.

i dont normally like ambient/drone music. i normally get bored by it. even when trying to use it as background sound to do something else to, i dont really care much for it. i planned to play a game while listening to 7, but as i listened to the first track, i sat there in silence, unable to focus on choosing a game. i was fully focused on nothing but the slight breeze, and i realised i was fine with that. i was doing nothing. normally i tend to push myself into doing something, because otherwise i feel like im not being productive. but for once i was fine with just listening an empty track. there was nothing, and it had my full attention.

after listening to wind for longer than the duration of techdog 1, you get to hear a note. it didnt feel like i was waiting that long. my internal clock was broken by these tracks.

i havent finished 7 yet. i dont have enough time today to listen to it all, but i will soon. out of what ive heard so far, its been amazing. i could probably write a whole essay on just how the radio silence voicemail track made me feel.

i want to hear this full project, in its whole over half a day length, from start to finish, without anything else to do, left with just these albums and my thoughts.

[syrupspinner]

i defeated Fae Tactics

i love how many tactics games need to put "tactics" in their title. imagine that with any other genre.

so theres a genre of indie game i like to call "that ratatouille gif". i have attached it for your convenience

you know what i mean. Bloodstained, Yooka-Laylee, Bomb Rush Cyberfunk, Palworld, its a whole thing. this is a dangerous genre to classify things into, because theres a very thin line between "taking heavy inspiration" and "being a sequel". like, its easy to say that Paradise Killer is a Kill The Past game with that got sent to the wrong address in the morphogenetic field. theres the moon symbolism, the assassins, theres literally a silver case for gods sake. but i cant call it a ripoff because it brings so much unique to the table with the worldbuilding, presentation, and gameplay.

thats how i feel about Fae Tactics. when it first lit that spark, inspiring me to play it for as many hours as i could as many days as i could until i finished it, i felt my childhood. i remember one of the first video games i ever owned: final fantasy tactics a2 grimoire of the rift. i played the ass off of that game, expiring everthing you could do multiple times over. it inspired a lifelong respect for the tactical rpg in my bones, and Fae Tactics scratched an itch ive been feeling for a while

i dont want to give the impression that im nostalgia blind, thats not the case at all. comparing a trpg to final fantasy tactics (even what i consider the worst game in retrospect - man the law mechanic was a pain) is like comparing a fighing game to street fighter. remember that time capcom tried to sue someone who made a fighting game that stole too many mechanics and design elements from street fighter 2. the court said, paraphrased, "sf2 was so influential on the genre that MOST games have street fighter mechanics now. like, platformers with powerups arent ripping off mario, that just how platformers work now." yeah thats what fft did too.

what im saying is, the game takes the fundamentals of the genre as estalished by its best examples, and builds on them in unique and engaging ways. monsters have a random chance of dropping cards, which lets you equip them as summons for the next battle. its great to have more experimental low-stakes party members. instead of focusing all your valuable main character slots on healers if youre going into a heavy damage fight, you can just bring a bunch of water summons to power through it and support your glass cannons until they end the fight pronto. or, you can have a lot of ranged summons that suppliment your tankier party members; or expendable summons to distract enemies while you buff your party. this is a huge strength of any tactical game - letting you stratagize in a way that is functional to your playstyle.

something id like to note is that there are tons of mechanics, but i only felt overwhelmed at the very beginning. by fight, like, three? i was totally in sync with the games tools and how to use em. this is tough. i remember by playthrough of zanki zero, where i got so overwhelmed by shikabane and character relationship gene splicing and the crafting mechanic and the cloning and the aging and the attack windup and those stupid tentacle attacks that i just fizzled out and gave up trying to comprehend stuff (until chapter six, but im getting distracted). i never saw a new mechanic in Fae Tactics that made me think "whats the point? im not doing this". instead, i was always interested in how i can use this new element to enhance my gameplay. its that classic theory of Get To vs. Have to. i never had to do the cooking minigame every time i slept - i got to play a game where i boosted my partys stats.

so how about the story? i think it was pretty good! each continent that you can explore has its own little isolated plot, and while it all connects in the end, i was worried it would fall into the same trap that i felt saints row 2 did. it didnt feel like you had a gang, it felt like you had 3 friends who all did their own thing and you helped. i think this is managed in the most effective yet realistic way - have peony as the center of the communication because its just her personality. shes doing the talking because shes just a friendly person with leadership skills. also like 1/3 of her party cant talk. the only hurdle then is making everyone feel too isolated - i wont lie, there are shades of that, but i think letting the characters relax in the background if they arent immediately relevant to a scene is a good compromise of this. like, your dog chico doesnt always show up in cutscenes unless they have a weapon upgrade or something. thats fine, cuz like, theyre a dog. itd waste everyones time if everyone chimed in every time anything happened. so its not like gat is inexplicably uninterested in the non-ronin gangs, its just that characters are allowed to be offstage if they dont have any lines. it really helps the group feel more cohesive and friendly, and in general it feels less like oure going on mission sidequests waiting for the area to clean and instead youre going on a real ass adventure

also, if i can be candid, matilda is one of the most badass characters ive ever seen. i love how her intro quest brings so much validity to the scrap youve been collecting so far as more than just "upgrade points". it really builds up peonys compassion and heroism when she puts in that much work to save the life of a stranger, and the time limit adds so much urgency while still being very generous, at least to my collectathon playstyle. finally i just love her character conceptually. shes a fairy that esentially rides her own iron lung like a mecha. the fact that shes lowkey the best ranged fighter in the game doesnt hurt.

closing thoughts. i was insane about this game when i first played it. like, i cannot bring myself to play anything else because im so enraptured about this game. im talking "oh yeah i guess i havent had a meal today" at midnight. thats how you know that youve got a very special game. also that i am very autistic.

[superchat]

Do you have vision or desire for who you are going to become ? Not necessarily something you are resolved towards but something you’d like to see in yourself and would welcome . It can be small or nonexistent if you really like the way you are

Ohh, hrmmm. idk, i think abt how i do get older and what i will be like, would i be a 45 year old who goes online too much and reblogs too much anime art still or what. i feel like ppl have an idea that "oh once im older things will just Be Different" like their current habits just..wont apply to themselves in 20 years, but i think itd be very easy to just never lose them

I will be honest, i dont really like who i am and think there is an Inherent part of it with just how im wired, i think back to me in 7th grade vs. me now and how things i liked then is just the same now. i had no idea what k-on! was back then but my ipod wallpaper app had pics of the characters, i downloaded a ton of the wallpapers of bassist like this, especially this outfit with the sleeves and hat, cuz she was just rllyrlly cool looking but i was super embarasssd abt any of it, i remember when my friend found out i felt lik dying

A song i listened to nonstop as a kid was nowthen by matt flinner. didnt have much understanding of why i loved it, but now i look back and im like "oh its secondary chords." i look at any song through my life where i resonate with it and its always secondary chords as the reason why i like them

So i see things like this taat dont seem to change and coupled with how i jost generally dont like myseof and thilk im weird and awkward and socializing alwys breaks down at some point, and im like "hrrmm. well. whatever ill be in the future, will probably just be me now, but more"

I think it will be a lonely life, but i was always one who veered towards being alone, my parents talk abt how easy it was to raise me cuz id go in my room and play with my toys by myself for hours at a time. and today i go home from work and i just stay in my apartment and go online, ive been in a couple relationships that lasted 2+ years when i was in highschool but thats been the most involved relationships ive had, i dont think i would be good in any right now even tho i rlly want to connect closely with someone, i think abt it all the time :33 but i dont think i can maintain that, i remind myself that im longing for a romanticized idea

So when im older i think ill be alone and half be okay with it, and half hate it but i dont think ill ever be like "this is unfair!" cuz i dont rlly have anything or anyone to blame, its just how i am rlly

[winderlylandchime]

Okay 3/3 I AM SO SORRY! But i really wanted you to get the full gist of this since this was the episode that kind of started it all without him even realizing it.

‘..oh no offense to Brian but I would NOT sit on that swing set…haha that kid does not want that bat! He is an ally just like me and he knows the horrors! OH SHIT HE REMEMBERS! HE REMEMBERED AND BRIAN IS SO FUCKING WORRIED FFS CAN SOMEONE MAKE HIM ADMIT HES IN LOVE ALREADY BECAUSE I AM ONLY ONE MAN AND I CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH!’ He is saying all this while looking at me as if its my fault the writers wrote this. ‘Im happy for mel and linds so no offense my dudes, but yall suck as a couple.’ Ive been waiting all episode for the last scene to happen and when i looked at him, he just put his hand up and shushed me. ‘oh bri bri was scared! What did i say?! He looooves him! Yeah Brian why didnt you tell him you tried to save him?! Ill tell you why: GUILT! He is feeling guilty bc he too has ptsd and yet nobody except me for some reason notices that and *points to himself* I am on many many many drug- oh they’re gonna fuck. Justin, are WE ready for this? Oh apparently we are. OH MY GOD THE SCARF! I FORGOT ABOUT THE SCARF! THE SCARF! JUSTIN IS BACK BUT HE STILL HAS IT! I THOUGHT IT WAS ONLY WITHOUT JUSTIN BUT JUSTIN KINDA WASNT HERE EVEN WHEN HE WAS BC HES NOT THEE JUSTIN YET YOU KNOW? I SWEAR IM MAKING SO MUCH SENSE IN MY HEAD! He has the scarf!!! AND JUSTIN SAW IT! OH MY GOD THE SCARF! THE SCARF!!! *hits me repeatedly while just yelling the word SCARF! at me*, okay i am chill! I am calm! This is all normal! HE WANTS HIM INSIDE OF HIM?! OH THATS ONE WAY TO SAY IT! LIKE THE FIRST TIME?! OFC HE REMEMBERS! Brian..bri bri, idk how to tell you this my bro but what you’re doing right now is making love not fucking, so WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY FIRST TIME HMMMM? Do we need to revisit the L word?! THEY ARE HOLDING HANDS WHILE MAKING LOVE! BRIAN WHO ARE YOU FOOLING BC IT SURE ISNT ANY OF US! ALEXA PLAY L-O-V-E BY ASHLEE SIMPSON! *alexa starts playing* OH SHIT i forgot you had that bitch, i was just messing, stop her she’s ruining the vibes for them! This my dear friend is making passionate love after a horrible even- OH MY GOD THE SCARF AGAIN! Im cool, im tota- actually i dont think im cool. That was..i need a cigarette’ he then went outside and when i looked out the window to see how he was doing, he was laying in the middle of the grass in a star position. It took him 10 minutes to come inside, and when he got inside he just went ‘i gotta call mom..but i told her im not watching it. I need someone to listen to my thoughts (OH IF ONLY HE KNEW) i know! Im gonna trick her into listening to me without her knowing whats it about so that way she wont know i watched it’ so there we have it: 1) he went through every emotion on the planet 2)i swear 1 ep takes over an hour to watch bc he keeps pausing/rewinding for “research” 3) our mom will for sure kill me and him too and 4) writing these is chaotic bc i do update the group chat while its happening and then later put it on “paper” for you but holy shit this is A LOT and i always feel bad hdjska

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE ANON

3/3

[ffauthor]

Michael afton x reader + William pt.2

This one is more of a william afton x reader one!

(Doctor!william)

Read part one here:

You were laying on a bed, William was standing next to you on your left side, and michael was sitting in a chair on the other, holding your hand softly. After putting the chard back at the shelf at your foot end, he made his way towards you, gripping a small flashlight out of his pocket. He moved your hair out infront of your eyes, giving you a quick peck on your forehead before he held his hand on your head, flashing the flashlight into your eyes, making you move his finger afterwards. "Does anything hurt you still?" He asked, looking down at you with a kind smile, yet worry could be read over his expression. You shook your head carefully, your head still pressed in the pillow.

"You've been very lucky, love." By this michael shook his head, the grip on your hand tightening. "I still dont understand why you did that, y/n. It could've turned out so much worse!" Followed by, "you really scared the shit out of me. Don't you ever do that again." Michael still had a faint red color around his eyes, sniffing his nose quietly. "I'm sorry -" you tried to apologize, but william just shook his head down at you. "Don't love. And michael, keep your voice down. You're scaring her." Michael's eyes widened slowly, letting your hand go. Making you look towards him, the warmth is now completely replaced with the cold, windy atmosphere. You didnt say anything, just letting the quilt feeling swallowed down. "Will?" Your voice was sore, raspy even. "Hm?" William was looking at the machine, connected to one of the tubes stuck in your hand. "When can I go home?" William looked back down at you, a small sad smile on his face.

"I'd like you to be here for atleast two more days for observation, then. Because ur lucky ur amazing man of a partner is a doctor, we can try and get home." He was playing with roots of your hair, his white jacket softly scrooving across your skin. "But. That is, if ur stable enough. And even then, we gotta take it slow love. Meaning no pizzeria for a long time." You nod your head, smiling slightly.

"Now, scoot over. Ive got about a hour until I have to do rounds again" you could hear the annoyance in his voice, he'd rather stay here with you at all times, holding you close and protecting you at all costs then leave you for even a split second. You did as told, scooting over just a bit for william to get in with you, holding you softly against his chest, but still with a protective hand over you, his head laying atop of yours.

You smiled, softening against him as you watch michael swallow, looking down at the floor. He was probably still upset about the scene that went through before you were here. William yelling at michael outside your room, ofcourse blaming him for you getting hurt, even when you tried to convince william it was your fault, he wouldnt blame you. He would never, you were his after all; nothing could make him blame you or look negatively at you.

It made you grab michaels hand softly, making him hesitantingly interwine your hands together, as he looks up at you, seeing you smile softly at him. "Come on, silly." You mumble, using your strenght to pull michael of his chair, him standing up his own, not wanting you to do anything that could hurt you. You scooted closer to william, making michael get in at your otherside, his hand carefully at your back and the other awkwardly resting on his own hip, his leg pulled underneath yours.

This is exactly what you needed, laying in a bed with the two people you love the most, even tho you wish to forget the accident that brought you here.

[demonkeeperdark]

This is going to be a loooonnnnnggggg story so I'm having to put it under a keep reading line lol

For those curious - this is a recent experience I had at a metallica weekend concert which waz the best weekend of my life

My dad had gotten me metallica tickets for my birthday in April for night one w/pantera and mammoth WVH because I had never thought I would ever see pantera in my life (Due to Dimebags tragic incident) and I had already seen 5FDP last year when Megadeth opened up for them. A few days ago before the concert I found out that we had accidentally gotten both day tickets. I was stoked because I had been thinking how cool it would be to see 5FDP again along with metallica twice in one weekend. We carefully planned out our weekend because I was not going to let my dad waste those tickets let alone we had 2 more- One for his girlfriend and originally one of his buddies who backed out. I pulled along my boyfriend since 1) hes never been to a concert and 2) metallica is also his favorite band so if he saw them as his first band I thought- well shit- if I was in his position I wouldve been fucking stoked (best part he said the weekend was his best weekend ever)

Friday morning we skipped school and work and shot immediately down to LA to avoid traffic (if you live in California or have at least driven through LA at least once you know what i mean) and had to find somewhere to stay the night and get ready for the first night.

We get to the stadium and find our seats and hear Mammoth WVH first and ive never heard any of their music and it was very good (highly recommend listening to them) and I was slowly getting more hyped. Pantera came up and- Phil Anselmo gets out there on stage in fucking board shorts and no damn shoes on his feet and hella made the entire stadium straight up go fucking crazy. So well fucking performed that night. We had about an hour wait before metallica and when they came up playing Creeping Death- like holy fuck??? Just straight up slapped in the face by this godly fucking music ive only heard in the car- on my headphones through either phone or cd player- through my record player- and now I get to hear it for real...right there...and oh my god, I felt like i was in a dream all day that day, and this wasnt even the best part of this weekend- and I felt so fucking amazed. The next 2 were Harvester Of Sorrow and Leper Messiah and it sounded so fucking good...2 very good songs I wasnt expecting them to play but holy shit- it was worth it. On came The Memory Remains- the entire stadium was singing- you could hear your own voice align with everyone elses... And then it was Lux Æterna- and then it was Too Far Gone?... It was great- it was amazing. Rob and Kirk had a little bit of a "doodle"... And they looked like they were having fucking fun. Next they played Fade To Black, and I started getting emotional...then they played Shadows Follow which is my favorite off the new album which brought my emotions back up- Just to get myself lost into listening to Orion...and Nothing Else Matters really kicked me in the feels...

Sad But True played and my bf got really hyped since it was one of his favorites off the black album, and once again i got hit in the feels with The Day That Never Comes....

And once again Hardwired brought my energy and emotions up and when Fuel hit my dad and I went full on screaming the song to each other and watching the pyro and flames go off.

Metallica all paused for a second and went...

"We have time for a couple more songs...how do you all feel about...SEEK?"

I didnt hear the first "seek", but fucking hell...my bf lit up like a light bulb...

And then fucking Master Of Puppets to finish off put that cherry on top.

And all i could think off was...

I get to see them.

Again.

In two

Fucking

Days.

NIGHT 2

Hyped as shit.

I get to see 5FDP Again.

I get to see fucking Metallica Again.

My phone dies...

So I think welp I'm fucked if I want to take photos and videos for myself but eh I get to enjoy it in person, I dont really need my phone and I cant complain about just seeing it and everyone else could record it and take photos so we could all look at it later together or something and have fun with it

It was hotter this night compared to the first, so before we ran to our seats we got drinks and I ended up cutting my hand open on a water bottle but I didn't let it bother me much

We went to our seats and started getting settled and this guy came up with what looks to be a VIP ticket slung around his neck and an envelope in his hand and goes

"Hey how are you guys tonight?"

My dad with his audacity goes

"Well my daughter got a cut on her hand from a water bottle a bit ago but this is her late birthday present and shes not letting that bring her down so I think were doing great!"

"Fucking sick!" This guy replies and says, "Hey you know what?" He puts his hand into the envelope...

4.

Fucking.

Snake Pit Wristbands.

He hands them to us along with guitar picks that my bf took so fucking many of and walks away saying

"You guys will be down there, have fun"

I start balling my eyes out.

I couldnt believe all of this was happening, we were trying to find our way down and I'm just crying while everyone was taking turns guiding me down and I stand there in this field and I look around really questioning if I'm asleep and I'm just tripping on drugs or if I'm literally in the middle of the snake pit and imagining how fucking cool James Hetfield is going to look standing there in front of me where I was standing against the wall.

I must've lost it for another 15 minutes before I came to my senses and actually started getting hyped for all this because everyone would be right there in front of me.

A few minutes later Ice Nine Kills performs and I also havent heard much of their music but they were badass, all dressed up and acting like they were killing people on stage and it looked so cool yet if you were where I was it also looked so fake at the same time but it was fucking great.

They ended and 5FDP was up next and the first time I saw them it was another situation where I was at the top of the stadium and i just saw them from a distance but now I could actually see them right in front of me.

And then they came up.

Holy shit.

I was so excited to see them again and right there that I couldn't stop jumping (literally) and I had more energy then everyone else in the pit for them to the point I had Ivan Moody, Zoltan Bathory, AND Chris Kael point at me at least once.

They started wrapping things up when Zoltan Came over, points at me, and throws a pick directly at me, and I had everyone around me trying to catch it before I did but I got it directly thrown at me and caught it and I got so happy I shook my bf, dad, and his girlfriend.

Next thing to you they played The Bleeding and Chris comes over and points at me while playing his bass guitar and we looked at each other and both lip sang to the song and I got more excited over that then getting the pick.

When they started leaving the stage he came back and gave me his sweatband that has his last name imprinted on it and I couldnt fucking take it.

It was so fucking cool and badass and I didnt stop wearing it till a couple hours ago when I could finally put it somewhere safe.

Everyone started crowding in for metallica and we all started getting crowded in, and once AC/DC's A Long Way To The Top started playing everyone got really excited and hyped and crowding in more.

Everyone also started looking at Jason Mamoa amd taking photos of him in the snake pit with us before metallica came out.

After Metallicas long cutscene/intro finished they came out and played Whiplash...

If I had just reached as far as I could I could've touched Hetfields foot thats how fucking close I was to him.

At that point I couldnt even explain song by song how amazing it was, I was just rocking out and I couldnt stop, it was so fucking cool and amazing and I couldnt stop jumping again and throwing up the devil horns it was great.

End of the show they were doing theyre out to and throwing everything out and my bf got one of their picks and I started having that verge of tears again because I still couldnt believe what I just witnessed.

Not only did I get rare collectables from 5FDP, but Metallicas crew gave us pit tickets to make everything possible and that proves how fucking amazing they are.

Best weekend of my life, I couldnt be anymore grateful.

[prettybutter-flyy]

so I'm in what i am calling my cacoon era.

The fact is i have a terrible habit of saying im going to do things to my friends and family and then just not doing it. A couple months ago i realized im only really letting myself down, bc they dont even expect me to do what i say anymore. In fact, i dont even think my loved ones really respect me, but thats a story for another time.

I was just getting so frustrated that my loved ones didnt really take me seriously and wouldnt come through for me but then i realized, i dont even do that shit for myself!

And this is not to say that i dont DESERVE my lov3d ones to show they care or prioritize me or whatever, i absolutely do. If you are someones irl moot, you should show you care about them and prioritize them sometimes.

My point is How can i be mad when others dont come through for me or make me a priority when i dont even prioritize myself?

I am not physically healthy, i eat like shit, im fat, o feel sluggish and weighed down and i dont like it. Dont get me wrong, im cute but i *feel* like shit.

I don't stand up for myself and i invalidate my feelings and thoughts constantly, always looking to others and social media for opinions.

I am not where i want to be financially. But thats just bc I got myself into like 8k debt when i was without a job a couple months ago.

Socially, i feel like im at the bottom of my friend group if I'm being 100% honest. They dont treat me poorly, but i can tell they think im stupid. Maybe we just have too much history, we have been friends since high school, so... and then it doesnt help that im the only single friend, and I'm happy for them genuinely, but the dynamics just change when friends get into relationships. I have 4 hs friends I see semi regularly, 2 of them are married and 2 have serious bfs. They hang out as couples and give me relationship advice and the married ones are getting ready to buy a house and maybe have kids. They're just in different stages of life man, and it peer pressures me into wanting that but im honestly not even sure if i do.

And professionally... idk im doing okay professionally. Im working at a news station as a show producer and my passion has always been film, writing and creating stuff. Its not an exact match but its okay for now and its sustainable and if I can play my networking hands right, i could move to where i want to be (a film firector). My issue here is i have the whole day to do this stuff (write, film, create, practice my art) and i just dont. Idk the mental blocks holding me back, is it my laziness or learned helplessness or what, but i just dont do things that i am passionate about.

All around, i am not where i want to be.

But I moved into my apartment in july, and thats a crazy story in itself but i am an hour away from my closest family (30-40 if i tale tolls). I didnt want to move so far away but recently, ive been getting signs that this was a good move for me. I need to isolate myself to make these changes: no going out to save money; instead workout, get my body how i want; practice making new friends, new SINGLE friends.

Ive slightly failed bc ive been talking to this guy for the last couple weeks but nothing is official and theres no reason it needs to be just yet. I want to get with at least one girl before i settle down with anyone.

My point is, i want to take the rest of my lease in this apartment as a chance to radically repair my life. To sprout my wings and become the butterfly that i feel like on the inside, and let that show on the outside. I deserve so much more than what ive given myself. If i were in a relationship w myself, i would have broken up with that bum ass bitch years ago.

So in my Cacoon era, im isolating myself, trying to make the changes internally and virtually alone, bc I will not have support from family and friends because i have said i was going to get my shit together so many times (and not done it) at this point, i imagine no one believes me. Im chrysalizing myself from a beautiful catipillar to emerge a beautiful butterfly - and I have to do the internal work as well, bc I could lose the weight and still be in a bad financial situation (how will i go on dates!) Or start hating myself and develop an ed (i don't now but i have addictive tendencies) or make shitty new friends who treat me worse than my hs friends (who i want to reiterate, havent really harmed me, just dont respect me). I cant just fix one aspect, they all tie in together, they're all a part of me and what makes me happy and if one of those things is off, i will still be as miserable as i am now.

My cacoon is meant to be protection from the outside, and an incubator for a new me.

So these are the things i want to change, im on a new platform where no one knows me and i have a lil freedom to explore and vent and whatever i want because this is my blog and i deserve it.

I deserve to do the things that i like. I deserve to look how i feel, i deserve friends that take me seriously, I deserve relationships that serve me and to be with someone im crazy about when the time is right. And you do too.

Please join me on this journey. Im begging, one thing i really need right now is a(n anonymous) community of ppl wanting to better themselves just like me, encouragement and maybe tips. An external force to be held accountable to.

Typically, i would ask what your thoughts are, but I don't really care, just follow my journey and tell me abt yours :)

[snorfbin]

just a little eensy teensy rant about eso lately

im not looking for a discussion or anything like that, this is just a rant i couldnt stuff in the tags

eso is one of those games that i want to like but it feels like with each passing day i find theres more and more to dislike about it. sometimes i feel like im submitting a ticket every week bc theres something broken i come across. stuff environmental asset that were once entirely solid can now be clipped through which prevents people from getting loot the devs stashed ontop of it

lately theyve been celebrating the 10th anniversary jubilee, 10 whole years of eso, and of course they can even do that smoothly along with literally every other event theyve put on in 2024. it started out fine but shit soon hit the fan

they made an update to pts so players can test out the new dlc and some new pts features to test out higher level builds. things were going well until about an hour after the pts was brought back online when my server, pcna, was suddenly taken offline without any warnings. i had to hop over to the server to get some info which is where i learned that the pts update hadnt gone smoothly. zos somehow crossed the wires between pts and pcna where people could bring over their max level pts toons over to pcna and i heard people had billions in gold and trillions in loot. pts and pcna were taken down for this emergency bc it absolutely wouldve devastated the player economy to have that much money flowing around. speculation on how zos would handle this was grim on the forums, generally people were expecting a server rollback and all progress they had made that day would be erased. ill give zos credit, they didnt do a rollback but just locked the accounts of those who were affected by this pts exploit so the devs could dig through their inventory and xp histories to pick out the exploits; everyone else who didnt exploit the game would be fine to continue on playing when the servers came back online

pcna was taken down i wanna say around 7 am for me and was only brought back by around 11:30 pm so thats most of the day for the event gone. to my knowledge it took a couple days for pts to come back online. overall the issue didnt bother me beyond the time the server was down at that point. those with locked accounts would receive incredibly generous gifts from zos to make up for the inconvenience of being locked out during the event. theyd get...

-16k endeavours. they can use that to buy items from the gamble crates without spending any irl money. 16k is enough to buy like 400 of the bottom tier items or just 1 of the top shelf fancy as fuck items. thats about 10 months worth of constantly grinding for endeavours

-5 replica style pages released this year for the event. you can normally get these style pages through a handful of activities but the drop rates have become infamous for how abysmally low they are. ive heard of people running 700 dolmens now throughout the whole event and they have nothing to show for it. players whove been locked out get all 5 without putting in the work

-25 confetti scrolls to make the new jubilee horse mount. normally you get these by doing 1 daily quest to get a gold event reward box, you get 1 confetti scroll per box and the event was originally only meant to go on for 18 days, youd have to spend event tickets to buy more to complete the achievement to earn the horse

so locked out players get all 3 of these overwhelmingly generous gifts to make up for the time theyve spent locked out during the event. usually whenever zos actually feels bad about a blunder they just give us some ugly as fuck pity pet and move on with their shenanigans. theyre basically sucking the dicks of players here in my humble opinion. they even added on an additional 2 days to the event, instead of just 18 days worth of the event its not 20 days in total! hallelujah for that!

and then they decided to go back on the 2 additional days and essentially just make it 1 day for literally everyone on pcna. for the final day of the event, from 3 am to 7 am, pcna would be taken offline starting at 3 am when tickets are supposed to reset so that they can restore locked accounts. zos even stated that they expect the server to be offline for like 8 hours. just go fuck yourself if youre on pcna and were hoping to get the final 3 tickets and maybe some bonus rewards, those 2 extra days zos promised is effectively just 1 day and a broken promise

my gripe with the server being taken down is that it was scheduled for 3 am. thats when daily quests and tickets reset. if you werent already on and ready to get your tickets youre just fucked with no hope of getting your tickets, spending them, or earning any other rewards for the extra day zos promised you. they S E R I O U S L Y couldnt wait maybe another 10 mins so those dedicated to the event and to earning tickets could maybe actually have just a little bit more time to actually earn the final tickets and the last of the event rewards as well as buy event goodies from the impressario and indrik vendor merchants who are only around during events and tend to have items associated with specific events and seasons? they seriously needed to take the server down for the entirety of the final day of the event? players whove been locked out seriously cant wait just 10 extra minutes?

i consider myself to have be very lucky to be nocturnal for the past while. i was able to be online before the servers went down. i prepped some daily quests to turn in for my last rewards and was ready to earn my final tickets. i got the event boxes and my tickets. not many other players are awake at 3 in the fucking morning on a weekday and had absolutely no chance to earn their final event goodies! they were also p damn fast at taking the server down too. usually it takes like 3-5 mins but ive personally seen it take as many as 8 mins for the server to go offline. my clock read 3:01 by the time the server was pulled offline. thats unusually punctual for zos in my experience over the course of 3 years of playing eso. players who were locked out wouldnt even be able to get the rewards of the last day of the event either

im just fucking pissed that they promised us 2 extra days of the event and then unexpectedly backtracked in the worst way possible by giving everyone on pcna only the slimmest of chances to get the rewards of the final day. this round of maintenance has turned the forums into more than a bit of a warzone too with players fighting each other over whos fault it is when its so very clearly the fault of zos. it feels like the whole fucking dev team is made up entirely of clowns keyboard smashing their way through some very delicate spaghetti code so its just inevitable that like 50 bajillion things break with each and every update.

i dont fucking care if youre one of the players who got locked out or if youre also mad about missing the final day of the event. i just need to fucking vent about how god awfully stupid zos is at least this one time. the only reason why i even continue playing eso is bc its the only source for tes content nowadays bc tes6 is never coming out

[6yuns]

( 💤 anon just came back 2 life again omg..... ) HIIII YARIIIIII IM SO SORRY 4 DISAPPEARING!!!! i forgot abt tumblr & i didnt remember your username so forgive me pls my fav writer silly scrunkly sprinkle tinkle :( also, pls show that youre alive at least i can live in peace

you dont need 2 worry abt writing or some shit like that, everyone needs to take a break for themselves ! its okay, im sure anyone will understand it ^_^ i get that some days can be rough, but youve already came this far, didnt you? im sure such a amazing & strong person like you would get over hard obstacles, go yari go!!! dont be afraid to cry, crying is a way of our body to release tension, im sure you'll feel better aftwr releasing even a liiiiiittle bit of frustration. stress, frustration & etc is not something that you should only bottle up (emotions & feelings tbh) until you break, its good to let it out when necessary, ya know? i dont appear around here often, but i want to know if things are better, worse or the same as before!! im sure your existence already makes a lot of change in other people's life, anyone would be glad to have you in their lives ^_^ make sure to take break for yourself, dont push yourself too hard for others' wishes! drink water, eat & sleep properly, okay? dont eat more than you should BUT dont eat less than you should, dont skip meals or i will find you and kidnap you and torture you to kill you ❤ dont forget to drink water, its very important!!! sleep at least EIGHT hours, take a nap if you couldnt sleep before!! i believe in you, yari <3

enflish is not my first langauge I HATE BRITHS PEOPLE AND AMERIFCAN OJ MY FUCKINH HOD sorry for any spelling or greammar mistskwes my brain is not workrkinh too well rn. also i like to play these satusfifjnh games but it genuinely pisses me off when a level is hard WASNT IT SUPPOSED TO BE SATIDFYING. YOU STUOID FUCKINH BITCH I FUCKED YOUR MOTHER SHES SCREAMING HIGH PITCH (/ref) im also not good at comforting people sometimes sorry 4 anything

im actually crying, i love you so much. having you interact makes me so happy, ive been going through alot, found out my gma hot cancer (idrc cus i never liked her but its putting my mom in a bad place), im moving, also starting school again so this made me feel better and gave me the motivation to try again, i love you so much 💤 anon

and its okay that eng isnt your first language i cant even read the spelling mistakes cus im dyslexic and dont notice it so its spelled correctly lmfao!!! and im glad your getting into new stuff!!!!! pls reccomend some games to play cus all i play is honkai and idv [ i dont rlly play either of those games rn ]

[re-bee-key]

Im a very depressed person. I have been for a very long time. I go through spells where i quit my job and dont leave my room for weeks at a time.

When I moved to Arizona, i struggled really bad. The lack of greenery. Hard to make friends. Hard to hold down a job for my anxiety. I was in my room more often than not. I was already in my own little quarantine. For like 3 years before 2020.

At the end of 2019. I got a little better. I enrolled back in school for my Associates and was in a dnd group again. And early 2020, February, I had saved up enough to fly myself to NYC to see two broadway shows. I was walking all the time. Having healthy habits. Finally doing ok.

And then Quarantine hit. (I will note that I was actually sick with Covid before my trip and had no idea. Because we were all told Covid hadnt come to the states yet. I literally asked my science proff if I had covid. He said there was no way. I was like, i for sure got covid here at school. I went home and the next day got an email that school was going digital.

Everything changed. For the worse.

My grades slipped. Not to toot my own horn, but i was sitting at a 4.0 gpa. And it went down hard. I had to drop so many classes. Go minimum time.

My health was terrible.

We weren't sure if we could walk the neighborhood. Cause of the curfews. So we didnt leave the house. I didnt leave my room. Long covid had set in.

My days were spent scrolling the news. That got progressively worse with each month. I took less showers and got infections. I was always tired.

I didnt have a period for 8 months because of the stress. (And long covid probably.)

I shaved my head bald after a mental breakdown. My mom found me crying in the bathroom at 3am.

I played a lot of minecraft. Listened to a lot of podcasts. Didnt talk to friends. But I knew I was lucky. I was safe at home with mom. And felt guilty and sick and miserable the whole time.

For me. Quarantine wasnt 1 year. Or 2 years. Or even 3 years. I had already been inside for so long. It was just... worse. I figure with my depression... its been a long time.

Im in Missouri now. And better than I was even a year ago. But Im still so bad off. Ive been to the psych ward. I'll probably go again soon.

Its... so so frustrating to see the BBC article saying mental health wasnt affected.

I almost died. So many times. To suicide. I know thats tough to talk about to hear. But its true. And I know my story isnt that tragic or hard. I had it easy. Im lucky. But also. Im so broken. And covid made my life so much worse. And I hate everyone that is trying to act like it wasnt that bad. Fuck those people

Anyways, made myself cry. So ill end this here. Sorry for rambling. Its upsetting to think about and get it all coherent. I just wanted to add my story too.

(Also during this time two of my cats died. And a cop shot and killed a guy right behind my moms car in the grocery store parking lot. And we were detained for six hours because they wanted to wear down all the witnesses so we would say the killing was justified. None of us would say it was.)

[actualbird]

Oh god!

I really love the poly headcanons they are so sweet.... (or don't but that's part of it and i think the tot boys+MC deserve all the love the world has to give).

But, liking it or not, our 4 beloved boys are kinda complicated (that's what makes them perfect). Plus I never thought about how people get in poly relationships. So i was thinking, how do you think they all get into a polyrelationship together?

(I really have no idea of how that would happen)

hi, two anons!! im glad you guys liked my nxx team polycule stuff!! i'll answer these in one go, my "headcanon" (in quotes because i think this kinda turned into a character analysis/minific of sorts HAHA) being what first anon asked, How They Get Together.

heads up, wc of this is 1.9k words long so buckle up for a bit of a read jfsjdfkjbf

because first anon, youre right!!! the boys are stupendously complicated which i love so so much but canon has also shown us clearly that each of the boys' quirks and habits and tendencies causes a lot of (mostly played for laughs) friction. the bickering, the backhanded insults, the "im the best one here" preening contests. theyre all SOOOO RIDICULOUS and it is hilarious but yep! the boys r complex!! and that means this beautiful ship, imo, has a lot of phases to get to the actual romantic relationship bit.

how they get together, in my opinion, starts because of mc.

not in the sense that she matchmakes them all, but like.

phase 1 of the nxx team polycule is this:

through being in love with her (which we all know the boys 100% are), each of the boys come to terms with their own flaws and weaknesses. it's very apparent to me in all the story thus far that these boys are flawed as hell, it's very compelling but even more compelling to me is how all of them also do intense mental gymnastics to Not Confront Those Flaws. like, marius is a dickbag always teasing and toeing the line of insincerity, vyn is a controlling mf who always tries to sway situations to his benefit, artem is so repressed to the point that he has genuine trouble with emotions, luke is a self sacrificial bastard and also a huge hypocrite about how no, actually, hes the only one that should be hiding his pain and being dishonest, no dishonesty from other people!! in the beginning of the story, all the boys have their flaws and seem to have just kinda...not addressed how those flaws are harming them and the people around them.

and then mc rolls around and they all fall in love with her. and she sees those flaws and she doesnt let them slide. she challenges the boys in her own ways to see another side of the situation, to acknowledge what theyre doing. she doesnt want to get rid of flaws, thats impossible and also not cool. she just has this beautiful hope for like, all of humanity, that goodness can prevail with the right work. so when she sees her beloved nxx boys, she believes that for them as well.

which leads to phase 2 of the nxx team polycule:

the boys, more aware of themselves, become more aware of each other.

they werent Unaware of the others of course. it's just that they didnt like...truly connect on a personal level just yet. they saw the other teammembers with their emotional armor and flaws and saw a wall that wasnt worth looking past.

but after mc makes them realize that hey, flaws arent the end of the world actually, it's alright and the person behind them may just be worth it, the boys like. end up understanding the others. A LOT OF THIS BIT IS UNINTENTIONAL, ON THEIR PARTS KJDSBFS. like they stumble into understanding each other by accident, they didnt plan it, but over the course of nxx investigations, it's inevitable that they end up seeing the depths of the others. i delve into this a little bit in my fanfic "filler eps of the lost gold" where the boys are just going thru their actions and then trip over another boy's fears or desires and through that, gain a deeper understanding mutually.

and with understanding, sometimes, comes trust.

phase 3 of the nxx team polycule goes like this:

everybody in this team, whether they like it or not, whether they know it or not, has a heart that wants to give love so desperately.

marius lives in a world full of snakes so he cant have his heart on his sleeve for his own protection. vyn wants to be seen as perfect and the heart is inherently messy so he holds it back. artem for a very very long time was focused on work and success and achievement that he neglected his heart. and luke has been giving love all his life in a sense but in a way thats hidden.

all these tendencies that are brought upon their life circumstances results in this: they want to love honestly but they havent been able to do this

until mc. and all of them want to push back whatever fears or patterns their life has instilled in them because they see her and see somebody so unwaveringly good that all their hearts begin giving love to her to make her happy and to make themselves happy as well.

but heres the thing. the boys dont just see mc. by this point, they have connected and understood and come to trust each other as well, and the consequence of that is that They Can See Each Other Now Too, Truly.

and heres the thing. all of the boys are unwaveringly good as well.

one by one, each of the boys realize that what they feel for the other boys in the team starts to...change. yeah theyre all friends, they pick on each other a lot of the time, but the bedrock of the relationship is solid and strong now. but when marius is with luke, marius sees a light inside of luke so bright that he seems unaware that he gives off. when artem is with vyn, artem sees a goodness inside of vyn that hesitates to make itself obvious and known because vyn is scared of getting hurt thanks to it. all of them see the other and their goodness and, unbidden, their hearts want to give love to each other as well.

and because theyre all a bit stupid in their own way theyre like, huh, weird! wonder why this feeling is so familiar! and yet i cant seem to name it...and then they all independently compare these feeling with the feelings they have for mc, a feeling they do know the name of, and theyre like.

WAIT.

THESE FEELINGS ARE...VERY BASICALLY EXACTLY WHAT I FEEL FOR MC.

which only means one thing: theyve fallen in love with everybody else

marius: //goes to his studio to Think and sees that a bunch of his recent art actually had little crumbs of these feelings already, etched into the brushstrokes and scenes. has an emotional crisis about it

vyn: //records a 1 hour long entry in his audio diary to examine and gain control of his feelings but by the end of the hour all he knows is that he wants to hold these people and be held by them

artem: //quite literally just bluescreens, artem.exe has stopped working, sits at his study and slowly, slowly, thunks his head down onto his desk, valiantly trying to ignore the fast pulse of his heart

luke: //manically vents about it to peanut who, by virtue of being a bird, doesnt get it. just keeps talking at peanut to get a grasp of it all and then lies down on the floor, overwhelmed

mc, sitting in her apartment watching some netflix: ...why do i inexplicably feel as if something very, very important has just happened?

phase 4 of the nxx team polycule is basically:

pining: extreme difficulty level

because pining is already hard when ur pining for one person. what more for an additional 3 more people. and those additional 3 more people are pining back.

and all these boys are SOOOO OBVIOUS with their romantic feelings, in their own special way. the way they show their affection to mc starts to bleed into their interactions with the others and everybody can CLEARLY SEE WHAT IS GOING ON, LOL, but also all the boys are too chickenshit to confront it, because if they confront it, what will even happen??? being in love with each other, all of them, thats going to be such a complicated fucking relationship, holy shit. it's 2030, yeah, being a polyamorous group relationship isnt completely unheard of, but sue them, theyre scared.

but mc (who i forgot to mention already knows of the boys' romantic feelings for her, shes just hasnt made a move yet on any of them because SHES IN LOVE WITH ALL OF THEM AS WELL and shes been trying to figure out how the hell to make that work, she cant bear to choose just one of them, she'd be heartbroken over leaving the rest of them behind) sees that the nxx investigation team is now all pining for each other FULLY and she kinda wants to laugh when she realizes whats going on because like, what are the chances? that this would happen? that they all found each other and their feelings fell into just the right place for nobody to be left behind?

theyre all scared, she can tell. and she is as well, she wont lie.

but shes always had a belief that goodness can prevail with the right work.

and love is one of the greatest goods out there.

phase 5 of the nxx team polycule:

It's Time For Communication, Baby!!!!!

the exact scenes of how this happens is a bit vague to me. it could go two ways: mc going to each of the boys independently to talk about feelings, hers about everybodys and his about everybodys as well. OR they have a fucking meeting about it all together and artem literally schedules it in his google calendar, or something.

either way, they like, actually talk about this. starts casual, maybe over a chill date, maybe over dinner at a nice restaurant, maybe over a walk in the park as the sun is starting to set. but where ever it happens, the end result is the same: a heart is laid out bare and it is taken in gentle, grateful hands.

marius: OKAY, NOW THAT THE FEELINGS ARE OUT OF THE WAY, CAN I PLEASE KISS ONE OR ALL OF YOU, PLEASE, IVE BEEN WANTING TO KISS U GUYS FOR FOREVER

vyn, laughing fondly: has anybody ever told you patience is a virtue? we quite literally just talked it all out.

marius: //needy whining noises

artem, embarrassed: ive...never kissed anybody before

luke, embarrassed but trying to play it Cool: ....same here

mc: kissing is great, you two will love it!

marius: awesome, awesome, so is ANYBODY going to give me a go ahead or WHAT????

phase 6 of the nxx team polycule:

i dont want to say it's happily ever after, once they all get together. thats not really realistic.

they all have their quirks and tendencies and habits. and those will inevitable clash against each other. theyll have their arguments, theyll get upset, theyll sulk and be angry, sometimes. but also...

theyll see each other smile and feel like their love shining so brightly. theyll reach out for another's hand and be held in such a way that makes them think that their heart is in a safe place. theyll love each other and theyll put in the work to continue loving each other. because goodness will prevail.

and they all see each other as the most good people in the world.

so whatever happens, theyll get through it together.