#i did recently unfollow a TOn of people but there are still just so many people i wanna write with that i simply CANNOT

[xbadnews]

i'm lowkey thinking abt remaking percy & like starting fresh with who i'm following. because i want, quite desperately to be writing here & it's just severely overwhelming to look at the dash here.

[13eyond13]

Hii for the fandom ask game I'm shooting two of your questions right back at you because when you asked me them they made me immediately wonder about your answers, 23 and 25! Also: 1, 8, and 16!

omg thank you for so many asks!

23. The fandom you're curious about because of a mutual:

@stvlti posting on my dash about the new Scott Pilgrim anime got me curious enough to start watching it recently! I read those comics back in college and thought they were pretty great, as was the Edgar Wright movie. And the anime seems like a very good adaptation of it so far. Can't explain how funny it is as a Canadian to see Canada as the setting for an anime, either... I just feel like we have such a bland normie country to set things in, hahaha

I'm also getting very curious about a ton of different manga thanks to the recs I've received on my blog recently! (X)

25. A piece of advice for taking care of yourself in fandom spaces:

HMMM.

I think the main thing I get people asking me about here sometimes is how to make more friends in the fandom, especially when you're new and don't know anybody. I think the main bits of advice I have on that front is:

(1) I SWEAR YOU AREN'T BEING SNUBBED/INTENTIONALLY IGNORED, YOU'RE PROBABLY JUST NOT ON OTHER PEOPLE'S RADARS AT ALL

So follow a bunch of other bloggers in that fandom and interact with their blogs first! Like their posts, send them polite/friendly asks looking for their takes (this is especially easy to do when people reblog ask memes), and be brave enough not to go on anon when you do it so they can see your lovely face and actually potentially make a connection with you! Most people LOVE getting asks and are flattered when somebody else asks for their thoughts. If you're genuine with your interest it shouldn't take long for other people to start taking interest in you back.

Which leads to my second point of:

(2) MAKE SURE YOU ACTUALLY ARE POSTING THINGS ON YOUR BLOG ON A SEMI-REGULAR BASIS! People will probably click on your blog once you start interacting with them, and they will most likely only follow you back if you actually have stuff on your blog that shows your interests/personality/the kinds of things they can expect you to be posting on their dash! You can easily stock up a bunch of posts into a queue if you're worried about spamming the dash or don't want to be online 24/7 too, so it will keep your blog active without you actually having to be there all the time.

ALSO DO NOT HAVE TOO MUCH SHAME TO LITERALLY ASK YOUR FOLLOWERS TO SEND YOU ASKS. Reblog fandom ask memes, it's a great way to give people a template of questions to bug you nicely with, and answering one ask often leads to receiving another ask!

(3) DO YOUR OWN THING WHETHER OR NOT ANYBODY IS CONSTANTLY PATTING YOU ON THE BACK. First and foremost I'm usually making myself laugh here on my blog and hoarding all of these posts for myself, so even when I'm not getting constant feedback from others I'm still having a good time and posting on the regular! I'm SUPER glad that other people get something out of it too, but I think when it comes to blogging you should treat your blog like your own personal little kingdom where you are making the rules, and other people can follow or unfollow as they please.

And finally:

(4) YOU WILL EVENTUALLY LOSE A FOLLOWER OR TWO, BUT SO DO I AND SO DOES EVERYBODY ELSE. Try not to obsessively check your follower count or to take it as a huge calamity if your count goes down instead of up once in a while! It WILL eventually go back up again, and you genuinely have no idea why it dropped most of the time (it probably wasn't anything majorly personal - maybe somebody just is no longer in your fandom, maybe Tumblr is clearing out some porn bots, maybe a follower is deactivating their blog - or maybe you DID post something that somebody didn't like, but that's ok, it's probably better if they aren't following you anymore anyways!) And you should ALSO block/unfollow people freely if they're really making your blogging experience uncomfortable - at the end of the day you don't really know them and they don't really know you, and you will both probably move on and forget about it not too far down the road.

1. List 3 positive things about your current fandom(s):

(1) Genuinely extremely chill and cozy, and almost always has been in my experience!

(2) People have the best sense of humour here. IDK I think I took it for granted that all fandoms were like that but anytime I venture into other ones I find myself being a bit disappointed that people just aren't as funny in general a lot of the time

(3) OMG thank you everybody for all the delicious fanfic and fanart, and for continuing to still make it steadily even in 2023

8. You hope more people will come to appreciate ___ (a ship, a trope, an episode, etc.):

I'm gonna advocate for a ship I don't even have a ton of personal investment in and say meronia! God, stop sleeping on this pairing already and/or acting like it's way more problematic than it actually is, you silly ancient fandom you (no, they are not basically related, they simply went to the same school in their childhood for a bit). These two definitely deserve to have their relationship a bit better explored!

16. A tiny detail in canon that you want more people to appreciate:

Watari had an entire-ass family of his own, apparently!

Isn't that weird to think about? There is actually SO MUCH unanswered stuff about how his relationship with L actually was set up, especially if you are just going by the original manga serial and aren't using the one-shots or the anime or LABB novel to flesh out L's backstory or any Wammy's lore. And sometimes I think it might be neat to see people exploring it in totally different ways that would still be 100% plausible based on what little we know!

[ask meme]

[hlsecrets]

Real bullies in the fandom.

I saw this drama going on then I joined modding for Hogwarts Legacy. Apparently we have self-called "royality" that think they only can make mods and share them publicaly or just keep them for theirselves (gatekeeping).

I feel bad for everyone that caught their attention, with doing mods they also did before - but never shared.

I looked into the topic, one of them (everyone knows her name now) started drama with writting 20 pages with tons of screenshoots with private messages that preally proved nothing (maybe only mental problems of author). It's unreal that someone spend so much time and effort, to make such ugly bucket of slop about someone, and that they feel proud after doing it.

I'm one of creator in the HL fandom (I'll stay anonymous in this post), and this seriously is discouraging to keep sharing stuff, because we don't know the time the self-called "royality" will be interested in something we just did.

It's disturbing those people want others to feel threatened, you can't even react or you'll get hate as well.

I talked to many people before writting it, and saw the "file", that was disturbing and true harrasement, directed into one of HL creators.

Here is the story that started back in May, if you want to read:

(declaration: I got those discord dm screencaps from person A, when I asked her what happened, 2 moths ago; other screencaps were taken by me and other people)

Person A asked about getting paid commission from tiktok creator (Person B). Send her message, and waited 2-3 weeks to get the answer - people who got this mod before, didn't agree to share this mod with any others.

In the meantime person A looked into the mechanics themselves, and asked few people from modding discord, if they could help her with creating the mod- (she was asked by person B to take down the message, on modding discord), even before she got no answer (to mod request).

For me it feels like one big lie, that they put one to keep gatekeping in the fandom.

Anyway as you can see it was back in May. Then person A got no answer and looks like were still on the hunt of learning how to do this mod. As we know now it was other well known modder who helped her at the end. If I'm right she made video with it, and then more drama started.

She blocked some tiktok creator from said group, when I asked her she said that was not comfortable with them. After what happened I feel like she was right to block them. But after she blocked them there was this post shared all of her social acc's.

I don't know what is with those people and taking screenshoots of everything and everyone, freaks me out .... I looked into screenshoots she posted: and they had be taken months before (January, and post was made in May).

Aparently when she blocked the Person B, she confronted her about blocking her on discord, and after long messages, acused her of writting to her from other acc on discord, asking other people to ask her stuff ??? and harrasing her over a mod. I was long in fandom but I saw no harrasement in messages person A send on her socials. Real harrasement happened from this tik tok group and her file on google, being so obsessed about their gatekeeping. ... I have no words on that.

I had to add, when people were commenting and asking what is happening, it was person B who wrote to completly random people (who commented on posts), telling them awfull things about person A, asking them to unfollow her and send link to her file. She also shared the link on all her socials.

If that is not harrarement I dont know what is.

After months thins cooled down and recently saw Person A posted mod on nexusmods. There again bullies came to start drama again.

Idk what is with this obsession about this mod from that group... since downloads if posted file are hight (lot of us wanted to have it and use it - thats the truth) ... also funny fact is that person B never shared mod for free, for community... and for me that says a lot.

My last comment on this: I dont get why those people are doing stuff like that. We all are in fandom to enjoy the game and modders work. I don't trust any of people who were reacting in that way and causing this drama. And the best thing for all of us is to stay away from them.

Be safe fellows!

[farfartothewestofeverywhere]

so i'm still annoyed about this tumblr person who blocked me (no not that one) – like – wow tumblrinas are block-happy jfc. — anyway — i was in the tag for a show, liking & reblogging, and i think i saw a post asking for suggestions of what to GIF for the current episode. excitedly I mentioned three scenes/moments i really loved and would love to see. later i went to try and check back on the post/her blog and couldn't find it. then eventually realized i had been blocked. as far as i could tell – all for engaging with a post in the show tag.

i just. I'm so mad. not a ton of people are GIFing that show and they have SO many good GIFs. and now i can't see and reblog them. because...i suggested GIFs in a post literally asking for suggestions???

now I've looked at the blog since then – because of course i can't let things go and it does seem like she's a block-happy person. which is "fine." like. a strange number of posts about how much she enjoys blocking without thinking twice. so. ok. maybe it's not 100% me. maybe because I was too chipper responding, maybe because i suggested more than one scene. i don't fucking know.

but being blocked. just know. that if other people out there are like me – being blocked is one of the most painful experiences on the internet. like it DESTROYS me. i even hesitated blocking some porn bots until this most recent surge because i wasn't always 100% sure they weren't just tumblr people who happen to enjoy porn and the stuff i reblog.

like i AGONIZE over blocking someone. because i know how it makes me feel. now. i have unfollowed people more readily. not VERY. but there have been times I've asked people to tag things and they don't – and i can't have certain things untagged on my dash – so I'll unfollow. i don't block. because they're not part of my experience anymore. and someone reblogging from me...like...whatever you add to a post will NEVER bother me. (probably). but I'm definitely not going to block someone over ANYTHING trivial. and especially not over one possibly misinterpreted interaction.

like believe me i remember almost every time I've been blocked on any social media. and it fucking HURTS. it hurts like being ghosted by a crush. and it's mostly that lack of closure. WHY. what did i do? why can't i get a chance to fix it or know what I've done to cause harm? why can't i be asked politely to please no longer interact?

i get that no one OWES me that. and your online experience is your own to curate. but that doesn't change the effect it has on me. it Hurts so painfully. absolutely more than it should. but it does. and I've tried to learn to let go. but there is still the absolutely horrible pain in my chest. physically, mentally, and more – from realizing I've been blocked.

anyway. also i assume there are a lot of cptsd-related reasons for this but i have no coping mechanisms or real outlet or support and my therapist is worthless when it comes to the real, hard, deep stuff ✌️

thanks for reading or, lol, not blocking. as always if you want me to add a certain tag, especially to posts like this, that you want to be able to filter – please just let me know. <3

[twinkboimler]

I was tagged by @jouglat (thank you!!)

1. why did you choose your url: god when did I change it from my last url... I think I was still in high school and wanted something new, and I was peak into X-Men. So obviously it's a play off remy lebeau, with the "bub" being what wolverine calls people in the comics

2. any sideblogs? nope! though me and carps ran a fic rec blog for a little bit, but I wasn't a proper mod.

3. how long have you been on tumblr: october 2013

4. why did you originally start your blog: a friend told me too

5. why did you choose your icon: jonah mst3k yelling as ronald mcdonald is just incredibly funny to me

6. why did you choose your header: tbh I just needed a header image and I thought that photo of me was cool

7. what’s your post with the most notes: :/ stupid french class post with 65k+ notes from IDK 2014?? that now reads like a fake tumblr story just because of how i wrote it

8. how many mutuals do you have: many! there are a lot of you guys

9. how many followers do you have: exactly 900, but it's been fluctuating every time a ton of spam blogs follow then get deleted

10. how many blogs do you follow: 161 (I unfollowed a bunch of inactive blogs recently)

11. have you ever made a shitpost: yes

12. how many times do you use tumblr a day: IDK if this is something I can sum up in "times a day" because I open up tumblr either on browser or mobile like. five times an hour? or if I'm busy like right before bed. depends on how badly I'm trying to distract myself from work.

13. have you ever fought another blog: i dont think so enfajkfaejkf

14. how do you feel about “need to reblog” posts: yeah I fell for those when I was like 14. but now I'm not touching that shit

15. do you like tag games: yes!

16. do you like ask games: yes!!

17. which of your mutuals do you think are tumblr famous: oh I know for a fact one of them is tumblr famous but it feels weird to tag them njefkajkfaejkf

18. do you have a crush on a mutual: my boyfriend follows me but he's not active lmao does that count

19. tags: @taintedlovesoftcell @antspaul @diabeticjedi @eddiesfavoritelobster @trekinist and @dilf-frank :) have fun!!!

[bringmoreknives]

tagged by @awsugar and @iero to do this!! i’ve never done this one so ty :’)

1. Why did you chose your url

when i REALLY got into mcr in like january 2020 (i’d been a fan before but pretty much only listened to about half of revenge and then tbp and dd) sorrows was one of the very first songs of bullets i got into specifically the knives/sorrow demo on mdnsy. i was checking for canon mcr urls and i saw that this one was taken and i was DESPERATE to have it (also because it’s a bit more ~niche~ reference to our lady) so on the off chance i dm’ed the blog and its owner just happened to check tumblr for the first time in years a few days later and let me have it :) akdjfhksdjhf that was so long

2. Any sideblogs?

technically THIS is a sideblog because @wakemeupbeforeyouvangogh is my main (i didn’t understand how accounts work when i made this blog) but i also run @seaborns (tv, mostly criminal minds and the west wing), @njolras (les mis), i used to run @vsuvia (the arcana) but it’s inactive now, and i also make gifs and content for @daily-cm

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

it was my ninth anniversary on my birthday ;____;

4. Do you have a queue tag?

yeah, it used to be #still into queue but now i don’t wanna use that bc ch*d so it’s #drain the fantasy of queue which is from pool by paramore aka THEEEEE song. i try to keep a pretty active queue but i forget a lot

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

my friend sarah had a blog in sixth grade and it was all about superwholock (of course) i can still so clearly picture the photo of the eleventh doctor she had in her sidebar. but my parents were super strict on the internet (and also i had just recently had someone creep on me on instagram) so they didn’t let me get a blog until i was 13 and it had to be about something educational (hence the van gogh theme for my main). until then i checked a few blogs like the morning paper. and i made this blog because my dad didn’t know how tumblr worked and i was getting into bandom and bored of not posting about it

6. Why did you chose your icon/pfp?

love of my life

7. Why did you choose your header?

it’s not the best picture of it but i really love the brand new eyes stage setup with the picture frames and it goes with my icon

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

it’s this hayley edit with almost 40k which is so embarrassing because i didn’t properly source either of the pictures and i think the second one is actually someone else’s edited pic that i just slapped a sepia filter over...... i was 14 i didn’t know better

9. How many mutuals do you have?

it’s really hard to tell bc mutual checker doesn’t work since this is my sideblog

10. How many followers do yo have?

3,160 <333

11. How many people do you follow?

okay please don’t lose your minds but 2,308..... a ton of them are inactive it’s just genuinely too many to unfollow with inactivity checker

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

yeah lasjfhlaskdjfhh a ton i think my best shitpost is the compilation of star wars actors trashing kylo ren

13. How often do yo use tumblr a day?

it really depends and it’s kind of less rn because i work a lot but i’m assuming i’ll be more active when im home in a few days with nothing to do but i tend to try to at least queue some stuff before i go to bed

14. Have you ever had an argument/fight with another blog?

yeah jdfhdkjfh multiple times. when i was younger it was dramatic but now it just tends to be arguing with reposters

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

if it’s like political or about something going on in the world then i’ll probably reblog it, if it’s one of those old-fashioned “LISTEN HERE FUCKERS LET ME EXPLAIN U A THING” then i will ignore it. unfortunately reblog bait (i.e. reblog this for good luck or you’ll have the worst day of your life) gets me because i have ocd

16. Do you like tag games?

yeah i love them i’m just so bad at remembering to do them

17. Do you like ask games?

YES i absolutely adore them but for some reason like EVERY time i post one i have to go do something else but i want to do more

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i honestly have no idea. mack and kay both have a lot of followers but idk if that counts as tumblr famous... is tumblr famous even a thing anymore

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

i am in a healthy loving relationship with my polycule the bandom creators server <3

20. Tags

hm i tag: @dangersday @smileandasong @raytorosaurus @lolalovesu @girlfriend-frank @adamlazzara and @mikeywayinc! sorry if any of you have been tagged before i cannot read <3

[sunball]

i just went through all the points you made in your astro observations about persona chart xD and checked my persona charts 🤩 it was all so trueee (except for ones that are about the future or ones that i don't know what my placements meant so i can't confirm the accuracy for those 🤣🤣)

it's not 'not so good' (on the title) at all!!! it's so cool that you learned about all these and share it with us <33 i only read that one just yet and i will check out your other observations right after i send u this ask 😁

i just noticed that there's only one compliment from anon that you put on your 'best anons' pinned post and i scrolled through your recent posts too but i haven't seen any compliments ಠ_ಠ

so i'm gonna send you virtual hugs and happy energies right here right now 😊💖💖💖💖✨✨💓💕❤️❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥💝💝💘💫💫

it's also possible that you get tons of compliments and i just don't know abt it but nonetheless i'd still send you this to say that i admire u so much and thank you for your posts because it's so easy to understand and i do feel confident to keep learning abt astrology thanks to you😁

i saw that you're taking a break, so i hope you feel better soon 💓 and really just do what you want to do because you're the only one who'd stick with yourself at the end of the day and you are responsible for all your actions anyway, so you should care about yourself the most and do what makes u happy!!

i'm not at all pressuring you or expecting anything from you so do not feel the need to quickly come back from the break !! take all the time you want and maybe try out the things you used to enjoy or things that brings u joy 🤩

whether it's a long or a short break, temporary or permanently, it's all good as long as you feel good 💖☺️

and hey, literally just don't give a damn about other people. it's a blog for u to post whatever u want, not a blog where u post what people want 💖 i have a blog as well so i've been trying to do that too and honestly it's so challenging but during moments that i stop giving a shh abt others, it feels so great 😎💅✨

change is fine ❤️ different is fine ❤️❤️ i have pisces in 1st house so i'm inconsistent as hell in everything lol anyways, what matter is that the people who likes and accepts you would stay w you and that you enjoy and like your own content 💕

gosh i'm so sorry for making it this long 🤣 i'm also actually glad that you decided to take a break and take care of yourself 😁😁 i hope u get well soon 💫💖

u don't have to reply to this 💓 i only want u to read it and hopefully feel a bit better ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

Omg how did I miss this?? I AM REPLYING SO LATE I AM SO SORRY ANON. you wrote so much omg )): I am so glad that you feel confident learning astrology and that you think my posts are easy to understand because writing is honestly something I’m not good at😭 it’s very cool that people appreciate and learn from something that I am insecure about 😮‍💨

what you said is very true. I posted my last astrology observation for myself tbh, I knew that the stuff I said were very obvious but I didn’t know about the explanation myself and I had so much fun researching about mythology. Although it didn’t get many notes, I’m proud of the work I made and what I observed (I just know old me wouldn’t accept 300 notes). I also completely changed my theme and many people unfollowed but you know what.. I don’t regret anything. I feel great about this change. I don’t have to worry about people not liking my content and my blog because hey, if they don’t like it, then they can just unfollow or not follow me at all. and yeah I am posting for MYSELF. I am doing all of this for MYSELF.

idk if you will see this but I am very thankful for your message. I appreciate it! also good luck on your blog, I’d love to see it (if I haven’t already 😳)

[shiningwonho]

check in tag!

tagged by @sangyus!

1. why did you choose your url?

for almost a year i had the url ‘joonshine’ but i kind of drifted from bts and wanted something related to got7 and my bias bambam. but i also didn’t wanna lose ‘the brand’ so to speak, so i merged it into bamshine lol

2. any side blogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

just one! well, okay, one active one, anyway. i have a couple others that haven’t been updated in years, so I don’t really count them. the active one is @foggynightsandchristmaslights and well...i think the url gives it away lol. it’s an autumn/winter aesthetic blog. i’ve had it for several years and it’s doing quite well lol.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

uuuuh. ten years, i think? too long lmfao.

4. do you have a queue tag?

no i don’t. tbh setting up a queue has always confused me a bit so i’ve never bothered making one.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

it was to keep up with info about a book series i liked, and to participate in the fandom lol. my how far we have come.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

cause it’s wonho lol. he means a lot to me idk. he’s my ultimate bias for a reason.

7. why did you choose your header?

AJDLKFADFAS my header is ALSO wonho lmfao. but that changed recently. if you’d tagged me a couple weeks ago, it would have been a gif header of Youngjae (courtesy of kathia) from the studio choom Thursday performance. He was really cute in it, idk, it deserved to be my header and Kathia was amazing and made it for me.

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

IT’S DUMB I HATE IT. I MADE IT FOR A SPECIFIC FANDOM BUT DIDN’T SAY NAMES IN IT SO NOW IT’S ENDED UP AS A GENERAL FANDOM THING AND IT WON’T STOP!!!! It’s this motherfucker. I posted it like....7 goddamn years ago and STILL.

9. how many mutuals do you have?

I couldn’t tell you a number, but I have a bunch. obviously I have some that I interact with more than others, but they’re all amazing people.

10. how many followers do you have?

I’m at 1.2k right now. which is more than I ever expected to get lol.

11. how many people do you follow?

123! tho there’s probably a fair few inactive ones I could do to unfollow.

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

idk what exactly counts as a shit post but I made one about the Hyuna-Dawn situation as a shits and giggles thing and my god it got a lot of notes.

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

too often lol

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

no lol. i’ve had little spats on twitter but nothing major on here. 

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

yeah i ignore those. that’s not the way you’re gonna get me to reblog a post.

16. do you like tag games?

i do! i take a while to do them sometimes, but i do!

17. do you like ask games?

i love them!

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

tons of them lol. idk how many followers they actually have, but yeah, they’re definitely ‘tumblr famous’

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

i’ve got the mingyu to my hoshi @gyuseulogy and my wifey @tuantiddies which is way better tbh

20. tags?

@presenteyesonyou @hwiyoungies @kangyeosaang @baku-san @jjinyounf @ljaebeom @http-ara @profoundnonsense @saacnotsock @dawnofus

[littleragondin]

tagged by @howdydowdy ! thank you =)

1. why did you choose your url?

It's from a petname I got from friends years ago, and it's my pseudonym across most of the internet.

2. any sideblogs?

Yes, made pretty recently to put my silly JC non-sense (@bruised-lotus)

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

I checked and my first reblog is from 2012, so at least 9 years already wow... And I made it about a year or two before that.

4. do you have a queue tag?

I do, but mostly because I used to see people do it and like to have punny tags (mine is Queue sera sera, so it's not groundbreaking either lol)

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

I was starting to get into j-pop and j-dramas fandoms which had me seeking more English speaking communities, and things were starting to migrate from lj to here already (also tumblr had the like button that allowed me to just... make a list of pics and gifs I could easily revisit).

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

I love Mimi Cracra, she was one of my favorite heroine when I was a child (she is messy! She loves water! She's still as relatable as when I was five).

7. why did you choose your header?

This one I had to check because I only have one on mobile… I just wanted something purple-ish and I had a pic of those flowers in my camera so there it went.

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

Hum I think it’s a sort of tie between Jiang Cheng and Jin Guangyao co-parenting baby Jin Ling and the guys from Julie and the Phantoms far ahead anything else I ever posted.

9. how many mutuals do you have <3?

I think a small dozen maybe?

10. how many followers do you have?

103 at the last count (and a non-negligeable number of bots of all kind in there)

11. how many people do you follow?

252

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

A few, most recently when I watched Nirvana in fire.

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

Too much most certainly. The only constant is that I tend to check my dash every morning until the last post I stopped at the day before.

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

No. I disagree with tons of things, but most of the time I am not comfortable enough to go say nice things to people, so I am definitely not going to start a fight with people I don't know. Most I do is unfollow/block.

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts

Don’t like them.

16. do you like tag games?

Yes! I like filling them, and I really really like reading people's answers (I am, generally speaking, an extremely curious person).

17. do you like ask games?

Same as previous, I like answering and giving my opinion on stuffs (even when my opinions are boring, sorry) and I really like to read people's answers.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

No one I think. One or two of my mutuals I would say are fandom famous though.

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

No - but I think they are all extremely cool.

20. tags?

@scienceoftheidiot @apolloval @sauvechouris and @themasked-trickster if you want to!

[notyobabygirl]

hey! it’s the girl from last night about her bf liking a girls pic. first off i saw someone say i was “slut shaming” but that wasn’t my intention. i wasn’t saying she posts slutty things in a bad way. but more so you knew what kind of pics she posts and why i’m mad he even went on her page lol. because she honestly has one of the most slutty pages i’ve ever seen and i don’t think that’s a bad thing at all, except for when i find out my bf went on it. just to clear that up haha. but yeah so i told him to unlike the picture and to never do that again because he should know better & that it’s disrespectful. so he unliked it and apologized again. we also know another photographer friend of my bf’s who used to follow this girl and like all her pics and take photos for her. but he recently got a gf and unfollowed her and doesn’t like anything of hers. so i told him maybe he should learn from his friend and act like every other decent boyfriend that knows better than to like pics like that without being told. he just keeps apologizing and isn’t saying much more. i understand there’s not much to say about it and maybe i’m overreacting a little bit because he only like 1 picture and it wasn’t a bad one. but still the thought of him seeing her account and thinking he should click on it and like a picture of her makes me so mad lol. i’m actually really glad he didn’t follow her back though. because he was saying he only liked the picture because she went and liked a ton of his and as a photographer he always returns people’s likes but obviously there’s not many normal pictures on her page that he could like. so if he had followed her i would’ve been 10x more mad tbh. i don’t want to be this upset about it but like he definitely knows better and idk what he was thinking doing that. and out of the entire year we’ve been dating, he has never followed or liked any girls pictures like this one. so for it being the first time i think i’m just disappointed because i always see girls posting about their boyfriend liking half naked girls pics and i would always think “damn i’m lucky to not have a bf like that” but now he did it haha so it’s like ew. do better.

i am so on your side with this and how you feel and reacted is exactly how i would have reacted. no one likes to see your boyfriend liking pictures of girls like that. like no one. it’s understandable being upset about this. i think you said everything perfect to him and hopefully he learned his lesson. girls find out everything lol like i swear we are detectives. i would just brush this one off and let’s pray he doesn’t do it again because then it will be a much bigger problem since now he knows never to do that!!!

[coplins]

(1/3) Thanks for responding. I totally see the queerbaiting/kill your gays criticism - it's clear from Misha's comments after the fact that he really thought he was doing something supportive and didn't get how it was the opposite. I wasn't upset with ignoring Eileen because that whole plot was so badly written, and I didn't mind blurry wife because that was a story they'd never have time to tell, so leaving it to be your choice of wife/co-parent (Jared's words) worked for me.

(2/3) I don't see Dean's lack of reciprocation as a problem because Jensen and the showrunners have continuously said that is not their intent in writing/acting that character, so anything folks read into it is subtext. Again, Misha thought it would be better rep than it was. It was a bad call. John isn't canonically a child abuser, just a lousy parent. Both Dean and Sam have done so many crappy things as well that honestly, they shouldn't be there by that metric either. 3/4) But I don't think the finale (awkwardly written as it was) cancels out their character development at all. They are different people - back at the starting point, but not the men they were when they started. Dean is emotionally open; he's dropped acting tough and can talk about his emotions. He can be alone and be okay. Sam is no longer afraid of his blood or turning into John; he can be a good dad. I wish we'd seen Jack and Cas, or heard them at least wish them well, even just a prayer. (4/4) But even though that was crappy to leave out, I don't think it negates the show or the characters. 19 added Cas and Jack's names to the table, and I can be happy with that as the final episode. I was prepared to pretend it didn't exist before it even aired. I AM really glad you're anti-harassment. The shit that even folks like Kripke have been getting on their pages has made me so sad. Dabb posted something about baboons and folks even thought it was about them, not his new show! (Also, sorry to dump like a huge text thing in your inbox. It's totally fine that we disagree on things. I've just seen so many crazy things like people blaming Jared and saying the episode was an ad for Walker and to boycott Walker - a ton of Jared hate in general, really. Or saying Jensen "Destiel Isn't Real" Ackles is secretly a heller who's been viciously silenced by the powers that be for years. And now Misha's getting dogpiled for trying to interact and understand how he fucked up.)

It's fine, Nonnie. :)

Okay, so, just to make one thing clear. If you enjoyed the finale, then I think it's great. For everyone who didn't get their joy sucked out of them, that's awesome! I got to see the Wincest side of my Tumblr dash go apeshit from happiness and I'm happy for them. I've since had to unfollow some of those blogs when they turned bitter and hateful towards those of us who didn't like the ending. I curate my Tumblr (internet in general) experience to avoid seeing hate thrown at ships, actors, characters, fans, or people in general. I unfollow people if they post too much toxic stuff no matter if they're Destiel shippers, angel fans, or whatever part of fandom they're in.

I try not to reblog too much angry/bitter crap either. There are a lot of posts on my dash that I wholeheartedly agree with but don't belong on my blog. And I've written my share of wank and rants over the years but seldom hit post because I don't want to ruin someone else's positivity. When I do hit post I tag it "spn wank" so it can be avoided. If I need to angry-rant I do so in chat. Sometimes I mess up. There are undoubtedly some less than nice posts in the Buckleming wank category on my blog.

Generally speaking, my M.O. is disengaging and/or vote with my wallet. I will never condone cyberbullying. No matter how famous the person, or how nasty they are, harassment isn't okay. Actions have consequences and I try to think of what they are before I act. If I vent hurtful opinions about an actor, it'll be kept in chat, with someone who understands that particular frustration. (Not related to the current situation.)

When it comes to canon, it doesn't matter what showrunners or actors tell us about how it's meant to be interpreted or how they meant to act it. Canon is what's shown on screen, period. As curious as I am about what the actors have to say about things, it isn't important regarding canon at all. I'll stan my boys no matter what their characters get up to on-screen. <3

Yeah, I've seen the theories and the dogpiling. Luckily, I've avoided seeing the Jared hate but I knew it would be there because the internet is a cesspool of people lashing out aimlessly or misdirecting their anger. Even IF they wrote the finale in a way that they thought would put a spotlight on Jared's upcoming series, HE was nowhere near a position of power to make that decision and should be left out of it. I just figured, if it was true that that's what they thought, then the Wincest bunch was their target audience for the new show. *shrug*

Interesting to hear your take on the finale. If I follow people who have your take, they're not vocal about it, or I'm simply missing it because I don't stalk Tumblr. All it takes for me to stop scrolling and go back to my writing is 3 unknown anime posts in a row or one reader-insert fic and I'm nope-ing the hell out of here. X)

I'm not going to argue against any of your points. It's great that you saw it that way. Fuck, I wish I did too.

I kinda feel like I need to address the child abuse comment I made, though. Some separate neglect and abuse like those aren't the same, some only count physical abuse, others include verbal abuse. Too many of my loved ones (both close friends and family) have experienced all three of those categories and the one who was left alone to care for her little sister as a child, definitely has a lot of mental scarring from it, so I'm counting neglect as abuse. That said, I fucking love John Winchester. So it might be Jeffrey Dean Morgan's charisma, so sue me. But John canonically neglected the hell out of his sons. We got proof of that even in this season when John drops his son off for days in a town where kids have gone missing recently. So, yeah... But, on the other hand, of course both he and Mary should end up in Heaven. Like, that wasn't even a question.

I think my strong reaction against it was how every part of the found family the Winchesters had gathered over the years was erased from the narrative as soon as Dean died. The only one who is shown as important is Bobby, a found-family member that initially was connected with John, not someone the brothers had found and connected with on their own. Bobby is also the only non-Winchester in the photos Sam has over his bed when he's dying. I don't know, man, "Everyone's here," simply doesn't do it for me.

"Family ends with blood" like the finale implied, only works if the greatest monsters in life haven't been family members, and my best friends (twins) growing up, just like my mother, were abused, mentally, physically, and sexually, by parents. I've seen the aftermath of those hellfires, how long it takes to assemble the fractures of your being and become, if not whole, at least functional and happy. For them, it was the friends they made along the way, those who loved them when they couldn't, who really mattered.

And that was one thing I really loved about SPN (and still do). Team Free Will. Wayward Sisters. All the people that they met along the way and connected with. I've loved to see Sam and Dean develop their bond by taking it from unhealthy, destructive co-dependency to step by step with several setbacks become their own individuals with lives outside of each other, yet still having the strong bond full of brotherly feels where the love they had for each other was rooted in respect for each other's differences and not who they "were supposed to be for each other". And unlike you, I can't see anything but regression in how the finale played out.

Okay, I gotta stop talking now. ^^ I have one scene my betas told me I need to rewrite in my next chapter, and another chapter half done, and I'm itching to post so I need to get on with it.

I hope I didn't put too much of a dampener on your enjoyment of the finale. My opinions don't matter. We all come from different life experiences and therefore find different things compelling and important. I don't begrudge anyone their happiness. <3

*Hugs*

[saybees]

Some rather personal and tmi stuff, but I feel like I need to get it out somewhere and I don’t have anyone I really feel I can talk to about this now. It’s very long.

I’d like to start by saying that if you’re reading this please don’t tell me to just dump him. It isn’t that simple and it just isn’t helpful to say that to me.

So Jon and I have had issues in the past with porn. Jon has a porn addiction. I didn’t discover this until maybe a year into our relationship when I walked into the bathroom one day and he was watching porn and masturbating. At first I was more shocked than anything and didn’t know how to react, but it quickly turned into feeling really hurt.

I tried to talk to him about it and told him that it bothered me that he was doing that and it made me feel like I wasn’t good enough and our sex was too boring for him. It made me feel so inadequate that he had to go somewhere else for that stuff. He didn’t see the issue with it and because porn has become so normalized in our society and he has maintained that he doesn’t understand why it’s an issue for me, despite that I have explained to him many times that it really bothers me and makes me feel shitty. It feels like cheating.

Eventually I asked him to leave the bathroom door open when he goes in there because I didn’t really trust him. That didn’t stop him, however, and he continued to masturbate to porn in the bathroom even though the door was cracked open. I caught him and was really upset. It hasn’t happened again since I caught him with the door open.

I can’t even count how many times we have had this conversation/argument. It just hurts a lot and I really am so tired of having this talk with him. I asked my therapist that I used to see if I was being unreasonable and she said I wasn’t. She fully agreed with me that I wasn’t asking too much of him to stop doing it.

He doesn’t do it at home anymore, but I’m pretty sure he does when he’s at work. He’ll take a washroom break and very likely will do it then because he accidentally let it slip recently that he still masturbates. He tried very hard to redirect and I pretended I didn’t notice, but it’s been eating at me.

It wouldn’t bother me so much if he didn’t have a porn problem. I just feel like he doesn’t find me attractive or sexy. We don’t have sex very often at all and I pretty much always have to initiate it, which reinforces those feelings that I’m not what he wants. I don’t feel sexy enough or pretty enough and I’ve always had issues with feeling like I have an ugly face so this really makes it worse.

He used to follow lots of Instagram models, but has since unfollowed a lot of them, although there are still two at least that I’m pretty sure are Instagram models. Their accounts are private and I’m not going to follow them to find out what’s up. I’ll only hurt my own feelings even more than I did just going through the list of people he follows on Instagram.

I know I should talk to him about it again, but I am just so sick of having this conversation with him. Neither of us want to talk about it. He doesn’t want to because he feels guilty about it (obviously, since he has been hiding it) and I don’t want to talk about it anymore because the whole thing just makes me feel so terrible.

There was one incident where Jon had downloaded Tinder behind my back and he was showing me something on his phone when a notification popped up and it turned into me feeling like he was cheating and I cried and then he cried and it was a whole thing. He deleted it and hasn’t done anything like that since, but he didn’t include on his profile that he was in a relationship and wouldn’t give me an explanation as to why and he just wouldn’t say much other than that he wanted to make friends and talk to people, but it was just horrible and traumatic for me and for some reason I let him convince me that he was genuine and I stayed, although I really question that decision sometimes because it still deeply bothers me and I’m not entirely convinced he wouldn’t cheat on me after that. I just have a very hard time trusting him after the Tinder thing and the porn stuff. And I just feel like we didn’t really get to the bottom of that whole issue, but it feels like it was too long ago to talk about it again despite that it still bothers me.

I know we have to talk about it more, but I just don’t want to fucking do this anymore. I’m exhausted.

We might be moving to a different place in town here at some point and if he does end up buying another house I’m going to have to talk to him about this and if he isn’t willing to give up porn completely then I won’t be moving with him and I’ll stay in our current rental and we will be done because I know I will not be happy being with him for the rest of our lives if he can’t quit porn and I’ll always have to worry about it.

I did some googling and found countless articles of women (and others) saying they felt shitty that their men/partners watched porn behind their backs. So many other people who feel the same as I do and have been damaged by this kind of thing. It’s good to know I’m not alone in this, but it’s so terrible that so many people feel like this. It hurts a lot.

I’ve done some light research on the negative effects of porn and it really does seem to be very harmful, particularly for relationships. And I know he has been watching porn since he was very young, he’s talked to me about it before. I do truly believe porn is incredibly harmful and it is FAR too easy to get access to it. I feel like porn has hurt our relationship and our sex life a lot.

For our anniversary one year I even did a boudoir shoot by myself at home and made him a little book with sexy photos of me and gave it to him and he said he loved it, but he hasn’t looked at it since I gave it to him. That’s a real punch to the gut.

There was one other incident where our one friend, a lesbian, sent him and a few others a snapchat video of her making out with another girl that he used to hang out with when they were younger and they weren’t wearing tops (this girl is wild and does all kinds of stupid shit when she drinks, which is all the time) and he saved it for later. I found out because she had called him crying because someone she sent it to recorded it and sent it around to other people and everybody found out about it and this other girl had a boyfriend, but anyway he told me what was going on and he went to pull it up to show me, but she had deleted it and he told me he had saved it. I asked why and at first he lied and said he saved it so she could see it later and maybe think about what she had done, but I saw through that pretty quick. Eventually he admitted to me that he had fantasized about a threesome with those two girls and that’s why he saved it. This was not too long ago. Like late 2020. I was mad and needed some time to think and told him we would talk about it, but eventually I just told him that I didn’t want to have this discussion again (which I shouldn’t have done because I let him off the hook basically) and that if he felt like he needed to hide something from me that should be enough to know he shouldn’t be doing it in the first place. With that he said okay and we never talked about it again.

I just feel like I’m putting a lot into this relationship and he isn’t being considerate of me here. He makes excuses as to why he feels like he has to get off all the time and that it helps him wake up in the mornings or that he functions better once he’s done it (untrue, he functions the same no matter what) and it drives me up a wall that he will choose that over having sex with me?????? Like, hi hello I am a human woman(adjacent) and I am willing to have sex with you literally whenever you want!!!!!! And you’ll still choose watching porn and jerking off instead??????????????????????! Yeah, I totally feel like you want me. I totally feel loved and feel like you find me attractive. Yep. You watch porn of women who are a million times more beautiful and sexy than I will ever be and they do things I could never do or just don’t want to do and you’ll choose that over ME and tell me that you do think I’m attractive and sexy and that you love me, but you hardly actually prove that to me.

He doesn’t call me pretty unless I basically ask him to, which sucks because if I ask for the compliment it doesn’t feel real, but if I don’t ask I’ll never hear it. He is quite affectionate with me generally, cuddling up and stuff, holding my hand sometimes when driving, that type of stuff, but I almost never hear him, unprompted, tell me I’m pretty.

I don’t know, it just really bothers me and of course I have to be feeling like this right in the morning when I have a ton of school work I should do. I just feel really sad now. I don’t know how to handle this anymore. I don’t know who to go to for advice. My best buddy Ryan is having kinda the same issue with his girlfriend, but they both watch porn (they don’t live together like Jon and I do) and she has been feeling insecure about Ryan’s porn habits, but she also watches porn and I know they had a talk about it all the other day, but I don’t feel like it’s any of my business to ask how it went or anything because it just straight up isn’t, but Ryan is who I have primarily talked to about this whole thing and he’s been very sympathetic to me about it and idk I just don’t know what to do or who to turn to. The last time I talked to my therapist it was about this whole thing and she basically told me to do my own research and that she didn’t have anything else to say to me about it (because we had talked about it multiple times) and that felt really shitty and like I wasn’t allowed to still be having this issue so I stopped going to her and haven’t seen anyone else since.

I love him a lot, I really do, and we get along really well, usually, but this just hurts a lot and I know I should never have put up with as much as I have. I should have set more boundaries and been firmer with them. It feels so fucking bad that he’s done this time and time again and gone behind my back with this shit and I keep talking to him about it and it keeps happening.

I’ve mostly avoided talking about this here because it feels so personal and gross and like I shouldn’t talk about it (that’s that Christian guilt). I hate that society makes sex and related issues to be such a dirty topic and that we can’t talk about it because I feel really alone and shitty about this. I try to push it down and ignore it, but it’s so hard to do and I’m just really sad...

[vuure]

Embrace your past and get to know your friends’ fandom origins!

Rules: Post gifs of your fandoms / ships starting with your most current hyperfixation and work backwards. (Bonus points if you share any stories about how or when you got into that ship! But not necessary!!) Then tag anyone whose fandom history you’d like to learn about!

 @ilackallhonour​ has tagged me in this, and usually I’m really bad at actually joining in, but this one really got me thinking back on all my old fandoms and hyperfixations. I didn’t really do shipping until a few years ago, might have something to do with my recently discovered ace-ness :’)

I always had fantasies that I was part of the world of that particular hyperfixation at time. Of course very heroic and awesome, and very close to my favorite character. Alas, real life is disappointing in that regard.

Merlin/Arthur, I never watched the show when it first came out. Mostly because I can be a bit stubborn and when a lot of people keep telling me that I should totally watch something because I will love it, I refuse to watch it. Don’t know why I’m like that. Turned out, I totally did love it, and binged it like crazy. Also shipped Arthur/Merlin like crazy. Was really disappointed in the ending, and thus, turned to fic. For me, when I’m really obsessed with a show or book I just cannot let go and will read fic until eventually my fixation dies out.

The Umbrella Academy, I don’t really ship anyone, except maybe bromances, and their sibling relationships (Five and Vanya <3 Klaus and Diego <3<3). Man, I love this show, I binged it when it first came out, immediately watched again, got other people to watch it, and watched it again so I could talk to them about it some more. Of course turned to fic, but got a bit eww-ed out, because there was a lot of shipping going on and I didn’t dig it (too each their own, though).

Black Sails, uuuugh I can’t with this show. @Ilackallhonour actually got me curious about it because all the stuff she posted and reblogged. And damn, was it a life changer. I’ve always had a bit of a weird obsession with ships and that time period, but more from Dutch, and VOC perspective. Still, the setting immediately hooked me in, but I really stayed for the story, the characters…Silver. Oh damn. And Silver/Flint, oh double damn.

Sterek. Really, I can’t even say I liked Teen Wolf that much, although I did enjoy the first few seasons. But I stayed for every glimpse of Sterek I could catch. The first time Derek shoved Stiles into the wall I was screaming at my TV, NO WAY there are no people shipping that. Dude, that’s so canon it hurts! But well, the show turned into a big dumpster fire, and I found the online fandom. Got an AO3 account just so I could bookmark and comment and give out kudos so my favorite Sterek fic. And there are tons of fics. I can admit it, I was an addict. I can’t go on AO3 without drowning back in fandom hell, so I keep off it. Really, it was a problem. I was reading fic ALLLL the time. When I should’ve been working, sleeping, socializing, etc. Followed so many Sterek blogs on Tumblr, but wanted my sanity back so unfollowed them all. Sorry @andavs​, I still love your blog, and your art, and your fics sooooo much, but it was too big of a problem *sigh*

Harry Potter, of course. My favorite character was Fred, and got very upset when people tried to convince me he was exactly the same as George. NO HE ISN’T! He’s the idea guy!! Lol. It’s been a while since I’ve read the books, and not sure how much of that is true anymore. Back then I didn’t really do shipping, but now I’m a Drarry shipper, haha. The fics are just so goooood.

Gilmore Girls, duuuude. This show shaped my life. Every time I’m one a re-watch I’m like…oh thát’s where I got that from! I copied character traits and sense of humor and stuff into my own personality. Didn’t like the new episodes much, but that won’t destroy my love for the Gilmores.

Veronica Mars, same as with Gilmore Girls really. Huge impact on my life. Love the snarkiness, and yeah did have some ships in there. Actually did like the new season (though I hated the movie), but they did LoVe dirty man.

I should put Supernatural in this list too, although I feel like I abandoned the show and am not a true fan. I was obsessed with it for so long though. Those first seasons were so great, I loved the relationship between Dean and Sam (in a platonic, totally brotherly way because I do not like incest-y things) and the normal everyday hunting things part of the show. But than all the demons and angels en Gods came and I got a bit tired of the endless cycle of dying and being brought back to life, evil turned to good turned to evil turned to good thing. I’m of the opinion that shows should have an end. Just like three or four seasons, tops. Just finish it with a good, solid ending. Don’t drag it along until it dies an ugly death.

And now unto some total different things, that shaped my childhood. Hard to find a GIF for these books, but what is fandom without some cool art ^_^

 Tomorrow when the war began, by John Marsden. I was obsessed with these books, and read them over and over again, even now I’m not tired of them and could get lost in them before I finished the first page.

Wheel of Time, Robert Jordan. This series really got me into the fantasy genre back then. I had no idea of any of the fantasy cliché’s, or Arthur legends yet, so I wasn’t tired yet of all the same old tropes. I find it a lot harder now to read them, but back then I saved money to be able to buy them as soon as a new one came out, and re-read the entire series up till that point before I read the new one.

Cats the (broadway) musical. Me and my little sister watched the movie version of this show over and over again, every time focused on a different cat. We knew all the lyrics, we knew all the cats. We knew every little thing there was of them to know. We named our black cat (we ..I demanded a black cat) Misty, for Mistyfollees (she’s a girl you see, so we couldn’t name her Mistofollees). I even wrote some fic for it, haha.

(note: I tried really hard to find another GIF but there’s none) Elfquest, oooh Elfquest. This was my truest and biggest obsession, I think. I created my own elf characters, joined online RPG forums to write stories about our own characters, met up with other fans, dressed like a favorite character. A lot of the friends I have now, I met at those forums. I’m still low-key trying to collect the better-looking English paperbacks of the series, but am in no hurry to finish it, and don’t really read them anymore anyway. And my ship? Skywise/anyone, haha. I love Skywise so damn much. And his and Cutter’s relationship is everything (who’s Leetah? Fuck Leetah).

Tagging @stormnyk​ @andavs​  (I tagged you already anyway, sorry ;p) @imperfectimpostor96​

[capsulecorporate]

// fkgdfskj literally only 2 people i follow were still active. everyone else was inactive for 1-3 years

ahn... i really do kind of miss roleplaying? and i feel like i’ve stepped away from my db/toriyama obsession recently but i do still love it

i’m thinking i may come back. and i might do more roleplays on my other blogs as well. on the toriyama blog i run, i realized i could bitch endlessly about super and toyotaro and everyone agrees, so it seems like the basic tier ‘i only like dbz and i only like it for the mediocre fighting scenes’ fans have all left after super wasn’t new and flashy anymore

i’d really like to come back into it if i can have more of a focus on dragon ball, and early dbz, but we’ll see

i also don’t know how much this is talking to a brick wall. i did just unfollow a ton of inactives and went from 79 to 27 following (mostly non-rp blogs), but i also have over 2k followers, however many of you are actually active. 

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

I’m feeling a bit like I’m falling apart today. Which also implies that I ever felt fully put together in the first place. I mean, at least at the beginning of the year I felt like I was getting my shit together, and now this...and now more than ever it feels like I have nothing but to simply fall apart. You know? I don’t know if that’s how the trauma of this pandemic can be described, but. Meh. I don’t even feel like analyzing that.

At least I got The Black Tones’ “The Devil and His Grandmother” b/w “Where Do We Go Now” single today. Like I suspected, it’s addressed from Seattle, so when I feel like I can muster up my righteous anger I’ll probably email the Ten Club and ask them ‘Why the fuck did it cost over $6 for you to send this to me when I live in almost THE NEIGHBORING FUCKING CITY? YOU ASSHATS, I COULD’VE PICKED IT UP IN PERSON FOR LESS THAN IT COST TO SEND IT TO MY HOUSE, WHAT THE FUUUUUCK.’ But seeing the single and realizing that the record’s design is definitely the coolest (and cover-wise, funniest) single that I own now really put a smile on my face so I appreciate that, and I love The Black Tones. ❤

Also I’m reading the dictionary today. Literally. I’ve had many adults in my life (older adults...I’m an adult, too, I guess?) tell me about the instances where they just read the dictionary, either for fun or because malevolent, older adults in their life subjected them to read it for homework. (I think my grandfather told me that story. I think he had to read it as homework over the summer, too. I guess it helped him though since he was a history/English teacher at one point in his life. Oh yeah! A love of language and history runs in my family. I hope with me at least, though, that such love also recognizes and carries with it a responsibility to instigate change. Positive change. You know...you all know my cause. LOL “Language matters, the end”? ‘That you?’ ‘Yeah, that me.’) I haven’t made it too far yet since I’m here writing this now, but so far it’s kind of boring as I realize that I already know most of the words and what they mean. I don’t know, I was hoping for a surprise like, ‘Oh yeah, you’re as dumb as you think you are! Get ready to learn a bunch of new things!’ but it’s like, Well, actually...actually, being a writer prepared me quite well for this task even if my writing doesn’t often employ my full vocabulary. So yeah, I tend to write pretty simply, but the breadth of my knowledge isn’t actually as simple as I thought and as I assume most people think? I don’t know, it’s like...first impressions.

But in other news, I had to unfollow Benmont last night. And this was RIGHT after he posted something that I squealed about. So why would I unfollow him almost immediately after seeing something that made me happy? Well...trigger warning: sexual harassment, victim blaming/victim shaming

His post was about appearing on “We Are Hear” which is the organization (? channel? network?) that hosted Donita Sparks’ Q&A and which I liked quite a bit, and with some sort of morbid curiosity I checked the comments on his post - this was on IG - and guess who commented on it. I don’t know that you all will be able to guess, so I’ll just tell you: Ry*n *d*ms. Seeing his comment appear on Benmont’s post, especially as supportive as it was, legit made my blood run cold. Now, I know Benmont doesn’t have any control over who follows him/likes his stuff/comments/etc. unless he blocks them, and I don’t know that he’s unfriendly enough to block anyone. (For real, for real.) But especially considering Benmont did not speak out in support of *d*ms’ victims, ESPECIALLY since many of them were in the music industry or were aspiring to be, seeing *d*ms supportive comment on Benmont’s post just put the worst, worst taste in my mouth. (I think it was the salt, actually. From my tears. Of utter disappointment. Yep!) As a MAN especially, and as someone who worked with *d*ms, Benmont had a responsibility to speak out against *d*ms’ actions and support the women disparaged by *d*ms’ actions. But he never fucking did. And now I’ve found that Benmont might still be supportive of this piece of shit, or at least that *d*ms is still supportive of him so there’s an undeniable association there? Fuck that. And fuck him, and fuck them.

I’m trying not think of my disappointment too much, honestly. Besides my almost immediate reaction to just unfollow Benmont, afterward I was so disgusted and trying to minimize my anger that I had to watch Alice Bag’s workout video to her song “Spark” which was the best decision I could’ve made actually because it made me smile again and made me cry to see HER in such a good mood. (But I felt embarrassed to even watch it at that point because I was laying in bed which is, um, the exact opposite of what one should be doing when engaging with a workout video? You know? So embarrassed/guilty...yeah, I felt that.) But at that point it was enough just to see Alice and hear her song again and to see her dancing to it that lifted my spirits a little bit. The effect of my music moms always overpowers the darkness! :’)

Also, I was going to put this in the tags but I decided recently that having long as shit tags is annoying as fuck so here we go: I know I should be taking action, too, by the way. I should let Benmont know that he had a responsibility to say something but he didn’t and now it’s too late if he’s letting a piece of shit interact with him again, and publicly. But I don’t have the mental capacity to do that right now, which I’m sorry for. But I believe women and victims and survivors. Men who knowingly don’t hold their fellow men accountable for their despicable actions are complicit. And I don’t care who I’m saying that about. Because I know full well that I must be saying that about any and every man I’ve ever met or held to some sort of esteem. (That’s what people, mostly women, mean when they say “Men are trash.”) At this point, I could deign to be surprised. I’d like to tell men: “SURPRISE ME, MOTHERFUCKERS! Surprise me with your empathy and support, and THAT’S A THREAT!” Or “Do something new, do something good, be someone good. Just do the right thing even if you suffer for it, because I can guarantee that victims and survivors suffered a shit ton more than you ever will.”

Like a woman (a victim of sexual harassment) on Twitter said: victims have everything to lose when they come forward. They have absolutely EVERYTHING to lose. Well EXCUSE ME for thinking the world shouldn’t be like that. Perpetrators should be the ones losing. But society - this capitalist, patriarchal, white supremacist society - says that’s controversial. Well I say FUCK THAT. DO SOMETHING NEW. DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

[curlyjoe7]

Forming Your Own Opinions.

First off - major trigger warning for rape, manipulation and abuse. Second off - this is an adult conversation, between adults and only adults. I don’t want any arguments just informed debate. If you don’t know the situation then don’t speak. If you don’t like my opinion, agree to disagree, unfollow or block and move on. Everyone has the right to express their thoughts, all arguing will result in being blocked. Third off - I know this is old and no one wants to hear about it anymore but I just formed an opinion on it which I want to talk about. Sorry if hearing about it bothers you.

For the longest time and still even so now I have had the mentality: go with the popular opinion or just be quiet and you will be liked. Which is very toxic. I am obsessed with being liked, being plastic and letting others control my thoughts. I’m trying to get away from that though and this is my first step. Stating a controversial opinion. A big one. Very big. It’s hard for me, the whole thing has thrown me into a few severe anxiety attacks but I have to do this to get better or I never will. I’m super nervous and I’m ready to be hated or as ready as I possibly can be whilst simultaneously freaking out. So what’s my opinion? That Melanie Martinez is innocent. Just hear me out. Here’s why I think she’s innocent:

I was a big Melanie fan at the time of the rape accusations. At first when I heard it I thought “wow this is terrible, she’s a rapist” and cancelled her. It was really hard but I knew it was the best thing to do. After all it’s better to side with a potential victim than a potential rapist, right? I also knew nothing about the backstory so I had nothing to work off of but the word of someone I didn’t know existed and the statement “she never said no to what we chose to do together.” I as many thought that was a dumb excuse, just because someone doesn’t say no doesn’t mean it means yes. But like I said, I had no backstory so I moved on and unfanned Melanie, as hard as it was for me. Randomly I thought of it again, in the past week, and wondered if there was anything else about it. Looked it up and well... there’s a ton. I want to make a disclaimer that when looking at all the evidence, I took into consideration both sides. I was completely unbiased in this despite my past love of Melanie. Rape is a serious issue and should be treated like that not just excused because you like the person who is accused of it. Though with what I was learning, Timothy’s story seemed fishy with some holes. So I did more digging. First let’s get the story clear of what supposedly happened:

And that’s it basically. That’s the story, coming straight from her Twitter. Pretty horrifying, manipulating and wrong. Makes you feel bad for Timothy. But it doesn’t end there. After she released that statement Melanie released her own:

Many people thought it was her admitting to it and claiming it wasn’t rape because she let it happen. Which had us thinking she was guilty as sin. Until Timothy started releasing more information. Apparently that same day they went to a thrift shop and picked up a game that included a blindfold, handcuffs, and a dice that said things like “lick leg.” Which she never mentioned at all before. Originally Timothy said that Melanie bought it but then later said she herself did. Which is odd since she stated she has been abused before and sexual stuff made her uncomfortable. But whatever she said she thought it would be funny. Now here’s where it gets weird, she never mentioned the game before, right?Maybe she forgot? Sure that’s reasonable. They played the game on June 25th 2015 according to Timothy in an interview:

At Melanie’s house. Melanie’s house is in LA. This is important because with further information, she was in New York performing on stage that day. She even made an Instagram post about it:

And fans have pictures of her on stage. You notice how her hair is blonde and black in this pic? Well to support her cause Timothy posted a picture of Melanie the night it happened:

Her hair is a different color. And on her phone it shows up as May 6th, 2015. She claims it’s because her iCloud is messed up and that pictures of her recently showed up at being in 2011:

I went to Melanie’s Instagram to see her hair color May 6th, 2015 and just look:

On May 2nd her hair was that color in the picture. It’s actually really easy to change dates on your iCloud too. That’s... odd. But there’s even more, I believe she said they stopped being freinds after that but I know she said they stopped being friends in 2016, yet in 2017 she said this:

Okay. Change it once, maybe you forgot but if she changed it twice and still got it wrong? Suspicious. She actually has changed a lot of the story, multiple times. She said originally she didn’t want to go to the cops because she was afraid they wouldn’t believe her then said on her Instagram Live that yeah it’s bad but not murder so she doesn’t deserve to go to jail. So which is true? I mean it doesn’t matter her reason, it’s her decision but why is the reason changing? In Timothy’s original statement she mentioned some of Melanie’s fans became her fans but their loyalty never strayed from Melanie. That’s... irrelevant. But is it actually? Melanie was supposed to release a new album one month later. Which didn’t end up happening and when you went to Timothy’s Twitter at the time she had a pinned tweet for her song. Kinda weird but okay, it was probably there before. But why mention the loyalty of her fans never straying from her? Like I said, it’s irrelevant to the topic but not to her potential motives. They started their careers at the same time and Melanie was more popular too. And apparently started focusing on her music more than her friends so both of these might be the reason why. Seems reasonable. Now of course I wanted to check the stuff on Melanie’s side too but all I found was the original statement and this one:

Which in my opinion does clear up the “she never said no” thing. I think what she was trying to say is, Timothy didn’t say no multiple times like she said she did and that Melanie would never have sex with someone without their complete confirmation. Maybe even she meant she didn’t say no to the game they played. Though it could mean: “She never said no, I didn’t act on when she did say no but pressured her to give in.” And what Melanie says in this statement: “I trusted so many people in my life who took advantage of that trust for their own personal gain” supports the fact Timothy did it for fame. She also mentioned that in her song she released on Spotify called Piggyback that goes:

Trusted too many people while I was still young

Gave them the benefit of the doubt, I was so wrong

I cut them off and they came for blood cause they know

They ain’t getting no more

I’m so done playing piggyback

Swear to god I wished y’all all the best

You’re lying your way to try to gain a piece of me

When you could never come close cause I know my destiny

I worked hard for my shit

Put my love in this shit

Now you’re trying to kill my name for some fame

What is this?

Tried to help you do your shit

Encouraged you to work on it

Was a good friend and you used that to your advantage

Timothy did mention when Melanie blew up that she didn’t have time anymore for her and that she wanted to focus on her fans and music. So it does make sense that she did this for attention, to hurt Melanie. Even so the way Melanie worded her statement originally, doesn’t help her cause. Just made her look worse. The second statement however does clear it up in my opinion. With all the evidence and what Melanie said, it’s 1 point she’s guilty to multiple that she’s innocent. Even if you don’t like her you can’t deny that. There may be more points towards her being guilty as well, I’m not sure but this is all I could find, though there is just too many points towards her being innocent. In reality though none of this is fact, it’s just evidence and even evidence can be fake or twisted sometimes. Here’s a few more things about Timothy though and this story:

She says she doesn’t want to talk about it anymore but yet is willing to keep bringing it up. She dressed up as Melanie in 2016, a year after the rape, why would you put yourself through so much pain and do that? Idk just seems like it would hurt you more but she did love her so maybe that’s why: she was trying to deny the truth because of how much she loved her. She also suffers from BPD (Boarderline Personality Disorder) which I hate to bring up, just because she has a mental illness doesn’t mean she would do something fucked up. Just because anyone has a mental illness doesn’t mean it’s the reason for everything. Mental illness doesn’t equal bad morals but it can lead you to do bad things. Trust me I know, I have depression, anxiety and OCD. My OCD causes me to try to avoid particular things which I don’t always do in a nice way. I hurt people because I don’t want to deal with something related to it. This could be the same situation. The symptoms of BPD do explain why she would do this to hurt Melanie. For example some of the symptoms for BPD are pervasive instability in moods, distaste of one’s self image, insecurity and problems with interpersonal relationships. It seems logical with that info why she would do it if she is lying. Not to mention Timothy has claimed abuse on past bandmates of her old band Dresses where she only stayed cause they needed her voice. She has the history to make claims, I have no idea if it’s true though. She also allegedly molested a 16 year old girl. Also unsure if that’s true but if she did that she might have based the story on what she did since the story is quite similar. Regardless, here’s my complete opinion on the matter:

Timothy made it up for attention because she was jealous Melanie was focusing on her music not her and that she wasn’t as popular, probably a lot being because of her BPD. She knew a story like this would get attention and people would believe with the rising amount of sexual assault victims coming forward. So she posted it and then remembered she knew she had that picture of the game so she started basing it around that, picking a random date and saying it happened at Melanie’s house cause they are in her house in the pic, not knowing what Melanie actually did that day. However though she forgot the picture was dated and tried to blow it off as her iCloud being messed up which she supported by changing the date on recent pictures to awhile ago. And also she can’t remember parts of her story so she makes up new stuff and changes stuff a lot. Then she goes on to social media shading her and posting things about how hard it is to get empathy. Stuff like the picture on her IG story which is her crying (it just looks like she put in eyedrops to me) I would post but I hit the picture limit. She even contacted her friends to get in on it to make it look legit. She hasn’t gone to the cops because she knows they will find it bs and she’ll be revealed as lying. Most juries which are meant to be unbiased would side with Melanie because of the evidence so if it is false that explains why she hasn’t gone to the cops. And if it is real, honey if you don’t remember a part just say you don’t remember, it’s not helping your cause.

But that’s just my opinion, everyone has their own. There is probably even more to this that I don’t know but I shared everything I do. Though regardless let’s remember no side has concrete proof. To me everyone is innocent until proven guilty. You can’t really call her a good or a bad person and say it’s fact because you don’t know the truth. You can however support her by forming an opinion based on your own view of the situation. That doesn’t make you a bad person or someone who is defending rape. And to everyone who believes it: don’t get on the people who think it’s bullshit. You can’t deny there is a lot of holes in the story. And it doesn’t make you look better or woke nor is it siding with a potential rapist, it’s siding with evidence and your opinion. Evidence is better to side with than a potential victim just because they are a potential victim. Some people make stuff up. Even horrible things like that. Also don’t side with Melanie just because you like her, actually do some research and use your brain not your heart. It makes you a horrible person to just support her because “she’s my idol and a true fan would support her even if she’s a rapist!!!” That’s so fucked up. It truly makes me sick to hear delusional stans saying that. People like you are making the situation worse and contributing to rape culture. Delusional stans are also saying if you didn’t believe Melanie from the beginning on this situation you’re not a real fan. Which is not true at all. We are real fans, we just wanted to not instantly believe she didn’t do it because we like her. We wanted to figure out how we see the situation by looking at the evidence before jumping to conclusions. That makes us logical. On a similar note us questioning the situation and trying to find more information on it to form an opinion is also being logical. Not invalidating a potential rape victim. But rather doing the right thing and giving both parties the right to a fair trial. And if any of you are going to say: “why hasn’t Melanie done more about it then?” Would you want to talk about something like this? Something that damaged your career immensely? No, you wouldn’t. If it’s real, I’m sorry Timothy that this happened to you and Melanie deserves consequences. But if it is false, I’m sorry you have to deal with this Melanie and Timothy deserves consequences. Form your own opinion and please be respectful. I’m going to go back to supporting Melanie because I genuinely believe that she didn’t do it. That’s my decision, make your own. And don’t get on Melanie or Timothy, no cyber bullying them. Like I said you don’t know the truth nor do I, only they do. Even if you did being mean gets you nowhere. Now let’s just let this go and move forward from it.