#i did not live blog this and i wish i had

[untoldsoup]

I'm sorry the comic may never get finished. I didn't want it to end this way. I had so much i wanted to do with my life. I was so happy creating.

I had a great job. I was independent. I had a future.

All gone in one night. I hope the Republicans get what they fucking deserve.

I hope the policies they voted for destroy them just like they are destroying people like me. Project 2025 will hurt everyone. Not just trannys like me.

If I can't get to Canada by January I'm done. Fuck..I don't even want to go to Canada. I don't want to leave my life behind. It feels easier just to end it here. I hate this.

I'm sick to my stomach. I'm sure my friends are sick of me complaining. I'm not sure if i should delete my blog or just leave it here as a ghost town.

I can't stop hyperventilating. I can't focus. I can't do anything. I just keep looking at that full bottle of Oxy. I just want to sleep and never wake up. Real life is a nightmare.

I feel like this is all some cosmic punishment. Like God saw I was finally happy and it pissed him off.

I spent 17 years being abused by my father and living in poverty. And yet i still went to college when I finally escaped. I vowed to never be like him. I vowed to be a better person than the hell I grew up with. When he killed my mom and then himself my only regret was that I couldn't kill him with my bare hands first. I will always hold that guilt that i could never save her. All these years later, i will always wish i could have saved her. That phone call will always haunt me.

And I still managed to crawl out of poverty despite all of that. I never became my father. I made something of myself. I finally transitioned. I lost everyone when i did that. Everyone. And i still believed i deserved happiness. I found friends who accepted me even when family wouldn't.

Sorry for dumping so much trauma. But does it matter anymore? Does it matter when I won't see the consequences of my ramblings?

I wish the world was a kinder place. I wish i could have had the childhood so many others got to experience. I wish what happened to me when i was little never happened. I wish being trans didn't mean I should die.

But the world doesn't run on wishes. And some wounds are forever. Some people just don't get happy endings. Some people always lose.

I don't regret transitioning. I regret believing i could be accepted. I regret having hope at all.

[thelunarfairy]

Hi there! This is probably a stupid question, but it's been bugging me for a while.

My question is about the very beginning of the series, when Hanako swallows the mermaid scale to make Yashiro (mostly human)

He explained to her before that the scales are called matchmaking scales because they not only link souls, but they share the curse together. And that she would still have some fish-like traits when splitting the curse between two people.

So here's my question: If Hanako is able to lessen the effects of the curse by swallowing the scale, does that mean he may also have fish-like traits too? I know this is never shown or mentioned, and the most likely answer is it had no effect on him because he's an apparition. But since swallowing the scale still linked their souls and lessened the effects on Yashiro, I can't help but feel that the curse must've become split between them so that Yashiro could become human, and Hanako has some traits from it that he doesn't show.

But what do you think? If this question/theory sounds stupid, plz ignore haha. I really enjoy your content and wanted your perspective on this, as you're great with deciphering all the mysteries of tbhk. So I dont want to waste your time. Either way, thanks for reading!!

Hello!!! ohh dear, it's not a stupid question, it's okay, your question is quite interesting and I thought a lot about this issue with Hanako, they share the mermaid curse, but why isn't Hanako directly affected like Nene?

I never talked about this on the blog because I had no clue initially how this would coherently connect with any deduction, but now we have a glimpse of what might be happening.

The mermaid is a very important factor here, besides her sealing their destinies, this connection between them allows Nene to see Amane's past and even future, in addition, the connection of fate must do something very important in both of their lives, it can completely change his destiny (as it did once).

This importance of the scale and the mermaid's connection suggests that it is extremely important to the overall story, so, considering this, how can Hanako lessen the effect of Nene's curse?

I've been wondering lately if the entity has any direct connection to the mermaid, because everything that involves the entity is related to water.

In the red house, you see those sacrificed souls on the other side of the window asking Mitsuba and Kou to escape, and we see air bubbles coming out of their mouths, suggesting that they were submerged in water.

Just like we saw a fish once when Kou was there with little Tsukasa.

The entity is also known as the "creature of the well", since it apparently lived there.

So, we have Amane with tentacles on his face, once again implying that it is an aquatic creature.

So, in short, there is a possibility of a connection between this entity and the mermaid. Maybe Hanako is already cursed because of the entity, but since the entity has the ability to change shape,

Hanako can probably hide it or deal with it better than Nene.

Inside Hanako we see tentacles, something theoretically harder to hide than Nene's scales.

In addition, Nene becomes a small fish, while Hanako is with the entity, a very powerful creature that could simply remove or camouflage the mermaid's curse easily, that is, if he is affected by it.

I still think about this "matchmaking scales" part. I have doubts if Hanako did it on his own or if it was something planned by him and Tsukasa to use Nene and make that wish come true.

I still wonder if he can really remember Nene from the past or not.

Anyway, little by little the connection with the mermaid is making sense.

Thank you!!!!!!!!!! Awww how sweet!!! you are so kind!!! you made me happy!!! It was fun talking about this, thanks for the question!!!

[ladysophiebeckett]

need to talk all of you about this amazing movie i watched after watching a couple of duds (sometimes we have to watch duds to find gold)--

and you think 'oh its another hallmark movie'--no. as u can see it's 'reel one entertainment'. dont confuse them. (its like the same thing)

anyway--'the marry me pact', starring Rejected Property Brother #19203 (i assume they have more of them in canada) and Brunette American Carey Mulligan--brings the drama in this 'my best friends wedding' rip off.

opens with rory (rejected property brother) on his 29th birthday reminding 'charlotte' of the pact they made at 21--(bc some girl dumped him) that if he wasn't married by 30 he could marry his best friend charlotte (american carey mulligan). and rory wants to cash in bc this is his face when charlotte says 'yeah but u weren't serious right?'

he was charlotte. he was.

so then she buys him a plane ticket out of miami to like, south america or something. as a present.

then its a year later.

charlotte visits a psychic for research purposes (she's a writer). the psychic tells her 'hey girl there's a man in ur life and also a pact to marry him'. she got all that fm tarot cards. but at no point does she actually do any book research. its over. now the idea of getting a man is in her head.

and boy does it. bc then at the end of the day shes like 'what if rory is the love of my life???' uh u didnt even want him a year ago....

psychic tells her one thing and she's all in.

then rory calls her and is like 'im back in miami' and says 'i have some things i need to tell you'

so they're at dinner (it's pizza at her sister's restaurant. bc a man wrote this so they just eat pizza its their favorite food blah blah blah) and he's like 'yeah i want to settle down. i started to envision that for myself', she's like---

thinking he's gonna say its her. out of nowhere.

but then rory says 'i met rachel!'

charlotte:

then rory's like 'oh yeah we're engaged. and getting married in 3 weeks. and also can u be my best man? and on top of that, can u help me plan my wedding, bc im absolutely useless'.

charlotte: uhh

rory: you're gonna love her. she's a nerd like you. she loves food, like you. she loves the green witch fm that musical, like you. in fact, why dont you meet her right now?

yes, why dont we.

this is charlotte and rachel hugging:

this is rachel in case you're confused.

and this all three of them having wine in his kitchen--

that's right. rory went to south america and found the first american brunette that looked like charlotte and called it a day.

this man is sick.

then charlotte's like 'damn it looks like u couldnt get rory to have better taste in art' and rory's like 'uhh that's one of rachel's paintings' and then rachel spills wine on charlotte. but it was an accident.

im not kidding that really happens and i laughed.

moving on to another hilarious moment--charlotte's finally checking her fan mail that's been sitting in her organized office for 6 months--and what does she see? a postcard rory wrote her from chile declaring his love for her and he says in it 'you dont have to reply and nothing will change between us if you dont feel the same way'

charlotte reading this like--

and what does she do after this? nothing. she just mopes. like a loser.

then later, somehow in a big city like miami, they all run into each other---

the woman in blue is charlotte's pizza sister, she has a boring ass romantic subplot of her own but it doesn't matter.

the script makes it a point to tell us that rory and charlotte love bookstores bc they 'make them feel safe' while rachel the fiancée complains that she likes hitchcock movies but rory falls asleep during them.

rachel is such a loser for liking 'psycho' meanwhile im pretty sure rory's lying about knowing how to read.

anyway he has the audacity to complain that charlotte hasn't been helping him plan his wedding to another woman, literally in front of her (rachel). bc apparently charlotte's been blowing him off. gee, i wonder why.

then he tricks her into going to find a tux and then he tricks her into trying out a wedding dress with the excuse of 'i just want to make sure i look good standing next to rachel in her dress'

we dont even know what rachel's wearing. but sure.

anyway, this little freak got what he wanted.

then charlotte's like 'can u get my shoe off, its stuck in the dress' idk how that even happens but whatever--

then that little freak got what she wanted. ect ect.

of course we get a scene of his brother saying 'hey we always thought you would marry rory lol' and then charlotte leaves immediately.

then we meet the psychic again who says she got a vision of a woman in a wedding dress leaving a wedding. and we think 'oh is she gonna run out on rory?' but the psychic says, what i think is a great line, 'my child, i dont get visions of the future. i get visions of the past'

charlotte and anyone watching this: what?

psychic: i dont make the rules.

this is the worst psychic in miami. she'll give you the lottery's numbers but it'll be the winning numbers fm like, a year ago.

so then its like 10 days before the wedding and we're doing cake testing with rory, rachel and his best friend charlotte.

rachel when charlotte shows up:

rachel (in private), is like ' wtf is she doing here??'

rory: shes helping us out.

rachel: i thought this was something we could decide together??

rory: i could tell her to go...she does find this all tedious..

rachel: no..i dont want to make things uncomfortable

rory: i think u should be happy someone like her is helping me tho bc im so stupid :\

rachel: yeah ur right :\

personally i think rory is getting away with too much.

so theyre tasting cakes but rory and rachel dont agree and ask charlotte and of course charlotte like's rory's choice, which leads to another hilarious moment--

rachel: well what do you know about wedding cake?

charlotte: i know you never ate your first one

and then rachel almost chokes on her own spit.

fast forward--rory's like 'what was that about?' and charlotte's like 'uh nothing'.

rory: do you mind cutting rachel some slack? its important to me that you two get along.

charlotte: i promise.

so now rory has two women apologizing to him for fuck ups he initiated.

let me remind you that a man wrote this.

then charlotte has to apologize to rachel and takes her to a Hitchcock retrospective. rachel's tells us about her failed engagement that happened 'years ago'. but then charlotte stalks down the ex fiancé and finds out rachel left him a year ago. not 'years ago'.

and if you think that's gonna come up later or be resolved--you're wrong.

then charlotte had to help rory find the location of his wedding and we find out that he hasnt written his vows.

rory: u know im terrible at writing. you'll help me right?

like,,,is there anything rory's good at? i dont think so.

now im fastforwarding filler scenes to get to the bachelor weekend--

the boys and charlotte go on some partnered up seeing sight hike and rory's sprains his ankle in his attempt at trying to win...something.

later that night, charlotte and rory have a talk.

rory: im sorry about the hike. i rushed into it--

charlotte: like you do everything--

rory: what does that mean??

charlotte: you rush into everything--today, the south america trip, this wedding--

rory: you supported me doing that trip--u basically bullied me into doing it--

(she did no such thing)

rory: u dont like rachel. that's the problem.

charlotte: that is not true. i dont think u should be declaring that you're gonna spend the rest of your life with someone u dont even know.

rory: why are you telling me this now? my wedding is next week.

charlotte: exactly! i dont want you making some huge mistake! maybe you need more time to decide if this is something you really want--

rory: i do want this

charlotte: does she?

rory: what are you talking about?

and then charlotte spills about rachel's runaway bride incident and shes like 'does that sound like someone who knows what she wants??'rory's like 'you went behind my back'. which is not true imo.

rory: i would have thought you had more faith in me, as my best friend.

charlotte: your best friend? you barely contacted me while you were away.

rory: i contacted you. i wrote to you. i told you i had feelings for you. that i had feelings for you for years. you ignored it.

charlotte: i never got the post card. not until recently.

rory:

charlotte: it's too late now anyway

rory, grasping at straws: i mean...do u feel the same??

charlotte: it doesnt matter now does it?

rory, still grasping at straws: doesn't it??

and then charlotte says what i think is the best line in this whole movie---

charlotte: no because you left the fate of our relationship to the postal service!

(i just want to say that it is no way the post office's fault. that fan mail bag was in her office long before that. so the USPS delivered. she just just never bothered to read her fanmail. USPS is a great service and we should continue to support it. thank you. )

rory, seeing that he's not gonna his shot with charlotte: so why are you bringing this up to me now? we had all of our 20's for you to tell me how you felt. now im engaged and im happy and you want to dredge all this up---

( he's the one who brought up the postcard!!! he also could have said something in his 20's!!!! )

Charlotte: all of this has been really hard for me

rory: so what do u want me to do? not get married? have you and i try and figure out whats going on?

(that's literally what he wants. he's still hanging on for hope)

charlotte: I can't tell you what to do.

rory: you know what? this is so selfish of you. i cant believe that you chose this moment to do this.

charlotte's face rn:

girl ur being gaslight !! get out!!!

rory: i would have expected a lot more fm my best friend. i think u should leave and i think its best you dont come to the wedding.

he's literally the worst. he didn't get his declaration of love and he's like 'okay get out. ur uninvited to the wedding i made you help me plan'

anyway shes back to moping when really she should have booked a flight out of miami to get away fm him.

she gets flowers and she thinks its fm him--

WRONG! its her agent telling her to get her ass up and get to work!!

and she's really happy about it. she's like 'i love work. work is never gonna uninvite me to its wedding or gaslight me or make me plan a wedding'.

then rory and rachel have a pizza dinner night before their wedding and they realize they dont dont know anything about each other and when rachel tells him to ask her anything, he has nothing to ask her.

yeah because he doesnt care about you rachel. ur were a charlotte replacement. wake up.

also this card is fm target. i know bc i have this same stack in my drawer.

its the wedding day and rachel's missing (the escalade broke down) and rory's panicking but he makes his brother call her. this man is useless. he has everyone else doing thing for him. can someone kill him?

so charlotte sees rachel running through the park and she's like 'i'll help u get to wedding on this scooter and i promise it wont look gay'

that promise was broken.

so rory and rachel make it down the aisle and they almost do get married until rory has his flashback thinking about charlotte and then at the same time rory and rachel stop the wedding. but instead of rory being a man and being the one to say 'i cant marry you bc i love someone else' --rachel is the one to stop it and take the blame. she runs out and gets charlotte.

rory tries to apologize for being a dick but charlotte doenst let him and then takes more blame.

you think theyre gonna get married but luckily that doesnt happen.

rory: you know i think you'd make a better wife than best woman

(so he's still trying to trap her)

charlotte: for now why dont we get a slice and watch some figure skating?

rory: i like that.

yeah, those are things HE likes to do. we dont really know what SHE likes to do.

and then they kiss--

i know i said at the beginning that this was an amazing movie and if you've read this far, you're like 'this wasn't amazing'.

i said it was amazing, i didnt say it was good. it was just incredibly messy and i think rory should die.

3\5 stars for being incredibly messy.

[queenlucythevaliant]

'Yes, that old oak with which I saw eye to eye was here in this forest,' thought Prince Andrei. 'But whereabouts?' he wondered again, looking at the left side of the road and, without realizing, without recognizing it, admiring the very oak he sought. The old oak, quite transfigured, spread out a canopy of dark, sappy green, and seemed to swoon and sway in the rays of the evening sun. There was nothing to be seen now of knotted fingers and scars, of old doubts and sorrows. Through the rough, century-old bark, even where there were no twigs, leaves had sprouted, so juicy, so young that it was hard to believe that aged veteran had borne them.

'Yes, it is the same oak,' thought Prince Andrei, and all at once he was seized by an irrational, spring-like feeling of joy and renewal. All the best moments of his life of a sudden rose to his memory. Austerlitz, with that lofty sky, the reproachful look on his dead wife's face, Pierre at the ferry, that girl thrilled by the beauty of the night, and that night itself and the moon and ... everything suddenly crowded back into his mind.

'No, life is not over at thirty-one,' Prince Andrei decided all at once, finally and irrevocably. 'It is not enough for me to know what I have in me- everyone else must know it too: Pierre, and that young girl who wanted to fly away into the sky; all of them must learn to know me, in order that my life may not be lived for myself alone.

From War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy

[kartana]

I feel so sad this sucks i can't stop thinking about doing everything wrong with v I feel like im gonna cry I hate going to sleep early the day after I stay up it's just hours of laying down with stupid train of thoughts that come at night and I can't sleep I just want to sleep I don't want to feel so awful in the morning I don't want to feel awful right now I wish I could just get my thoughts in order get to the point and cry and be done with it. Nothing is going to change from yesterday to today to tomorrow I will just have been miserable and things won't change because of it I wish the world was kinder I wish the world wasn't so cruel I wish things were different I want to cry and now I can't even feel that anymore.

[theragamuffininitiative]

Ah, for the people who have blocked me bc I am simply (and reasonably) asking for proof of the validity of wildly circulated misinformation based on nothing but hearsay that is actively damaging hurricane relief efforts, and stirring even greater division among our fellow citizens:

I sincerely hope you have done so for reasons of not discoursing on the internet with a stranger in a way that for you is detrimental to your mental health, and not bc you refuse to acknowledge and discuss the possibility that you might be wrong.

One thing is very healthy, the other is very dangerous and sad.

[ilkkawhat]

saw your tags on an ask from a couple months back where you referenced an au/headcanon where actually, warrick's not dead, just in witness protection, & i wonder if you'd care to elaborate at all because that's also one of my fave (although self-indulgent) au/headcanons

so back in the day I honestly used to play around with the idea, often writing fics where nick and warrick got trapped but reunited, warrick explaining that he was put into witness protection and I think it was within the past two(?) years? maybe three or four now where I had a dream that I do want to turn into a fic of a similar thing happening, nick and warrick finding themselves in danger and then finding each other--idk if anybody has seen person of interest but warrick was basically pulling a john reese and walking down a street at night with a rocket launcher that he was firing at cars coming at him and in one of those cars was nick, tied up and both nick and warrick had beards and teased each other about it lol, and I think I had a larger fic-universe plan to kinda rewrite things, mostly to expand on ships a bit more but the big central point of the fic would be that warrick lives, and sage warns nick that with warrick living there's now a loss that needs to be fulfilled. i think I've also talked about/thought about nick being shot along warrick in for gedda and both of them living from it

and idk, while I do think they handled the death well and didn't just forget about it, constantly reminding us in seasons afterwards and one of the final flashes nick has in his final episode on his way out is that first moment we see of him and warrick in the pilot, and it was an easy way to allow some members of the team to leave when maybe they wouldn't have, and of course gives a lot of angsty fuel for fics BUT

it's just so much more fun and satisfying to imagine warrick being able to return, maybe not immediately but someday--hell another dream i've had is nick, sara, greg and warrick all reuniting for the revival series lol and it could offer up some good angst, with the team having mourned warrick's death and vice versa, warrick's been without friends, without family and even missed the early years of his son's life and having to cope with that, and all of them coping with each other and the changes that happened and the threat that while gone, is not forgotten and maybe adds to their drive as CSIs or maybe also questioning (like Nick often did with the corruptions)

that and well, warrick is one of the best characters on the show

[afniel]

AH I REMEMBERED WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY EARLIER but it's kind of stupid, lmao.

So my partner is getting into brewing beer and I got them a Tilt, which is a Bluetooth hydrometer. It measures specific gravity and temperature, which are things you want to know so that you don't kill your yeast or whatever. Except the sensor's Bluetooth range is super short, and it basically runs via a phone app, and the temperature we're logging currently is the crawlspace, accessible via the staircase closet. So they were like, wait, what do we do about this, because I can't leave my phone in the closet, that's my alarm clock.

In a kind of ridiculous turn of life imitating art, I was like, hold up, I got just the thing right at my desk. Bam. Old phone. We just needed to scrounge up a charger because the battery is so dead that after charging just enough to power on it claimed it was at 53% (to be fair to it, there is a very real chance that it's correct, and it just holds no charge at this point so the capacity is just THAT low) and now it lives in the closet logging sensor data.

And I was like, you know...didn't I just solve a major story detail with a much larger version of this...yeah, no, this is all vaguely familiar somehow, power supply issues and all. Kind of cool that the concept works though. Kind of weird that it came up at all?

We are not gonna talk about the fact that I still have at least two more ancient-ass phones in a drawer where that came from because look, man, sometimes you just need a camera/mic/mini computer with Bluetooth and wifi that fits in a pocket, and people just get rid of these things, but not me. I actually could build a shitty security system out of them if I was reaaaally inclined. I mean. I'm not. But it's technically possible.

For real though, If I pick up any stupid maker projects I still high-key am thinking about slapping Bluetooth into a necomimi headset and running that through an Arduino and learning to code just enough to let me skip songs/change the volume on Spotify with my brain, because it's entirely doable, and I mean yeah I could do that on my phone remotely too, but that's not funny, now, is it. I'm just not sure it's $350+ of parts funny. Kind of a big investment just to prove the point that haha look I am the extremely ADHD type of lazy where I would rather solve a problem via the most convoluted and complicated Rube-Goldberg type ass machine way possible rather than just perform a single simple action.

YEAH I'VE BEEN THIS SCATTERED ALL DAY AND I REALLY SHOULD GO TO BED SHOULDN'T I. I started playing Satisfactory. Mistakes were made. I'm going to dream about conveyor belts again and I did it to myself...

[damagecompilation-a]

my gambling addiction won over

[euelios]

there are very specific people in my irl life who can say the most innocuous things on earth and still make me steaming mad

[ashtcnirwin]

🌻

[arielmagicesi]

ugggghhh ok so I’m reading some books to prep for my student teaching in the fall, the ones that my host teacher knows are likely to be in the curriculum, and first of all why is it a thing that high schoolers are made to read Contemporary Lit Fic that can be summed up as “how many gory explicit descriptions of traumatic abuse can we fit into one book”, like every year it’s just One Standard Shakespeare Play, One Twentieth-Century American Classic, throw in some other shit, and Somebody’s Fucked-Up Memoir From A Decade Or So Ago. Are there any contemporary books that are good but NOT traumatizing? If not, I’m happy to stick to classic lit personally

ANYWAY so I’m reading this book to prep for the fall and I ended up skimming the whole latter 3/4 or so of the book to spoil it for myself so the suspense wouldn’t kill me, and now I’m up late despite being super tired because my brain is just cycling through every horrific thing in the book, plus the reviews I read online, some of which are insanely saying shit like “wah wah, get over it, stop whining, we all had rough times in our childhood” and I’m like... Am I the softest, most naive baby on the planet for reacting to this horrific memoir by feeling bad for the author and thinking that maybe we don’t need to be making high schoolers read this? I’m not saying it’s not well-written- it is well-written, and well-structured, but Jesus Christ.

(also why are we allowed to make students read horrifying memoirs of abuse but god forbid they know that slavery happened in this country, but that’s a different issue altogether)

so yeah I now have managed to make my entire evening about Trying And Failing To Get Some Images Out of My Head, which sucks because I had a LOVELY day and was looking forward to some well-earned sleep, and also I’m gonna have to go back and read the entire book so that I’m able to teach it properly and know all the literary devices in it and shit. Cool cool cool

[matchamenace]

Anyway the more time passes the more I'm considering becoming a tattoo artist. Any mutuals have or know of anyone with experience in that field? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[soryualeksi]

tw child death tw harm to pregnant people

[ofyorkshire]

GOSH. goooooooosh. watching an ep of ozark and i take it back. bj would trust ruth. and he would love her oh.

oh is it weird i see a lot of them in each other. she's much more ready to use her teeth but bj admires it. doesn't really... agree with what she does, a lot of the time, but he gets it.

the leniency he gives for people just trying to survive, man. bj would get it, and he would not hold it against her or think any less of her for it. even if he's at a point where he's trying to keep his nose clean, he'd look the other way for her. might even help her, a little, as long as it was something he believed would be a one-off and wouldn't keep him in trouble.

[floral-hex]

maybe we don’t tell my therapist tomorrow that I stayed up late getting high and then browsing through old friends on facebook until my self esteem collapsed