#i did a whole rewatch around this time last year so it’s funny to me that gravity falls is having a resurgence now ^_^

[charliesinfern0]

doodled the pines twins for the first time ever!!! happy birthday :]

also drew bill bc why not

don’t be so dramatic I saw you like… last year- oh yeah it has been a while huh

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Rose Recaps 2023 - Korea

I started with Japan because this year it gave me everything I could possibly want. Korea gave me some very nice surprises. Let's go.

The one that had me question if watching it was good for my mental health.

The Eighth Sense

Much like what I said about Tokyo in April is... it was not a good decision on my part to watch this one live. I related way too much to Jae Won and I wasn't in a specially good place at the time. However, I love it so much. I have rewatched it since then and it's such an incredible journey.

I think they used the time very efficiently and they didn't try to skip too many steps to make it a happy ending. I would be okay without any redemption for those two but on the plus side the other friends were brilliant.

Favourite Moment

The one that came out of nowhere

Sing My Crush

This show came out all at once and I had no idea it was coming. But I'm so glad it did. There were I think 4 kbls that came out all at once this year. And with the exception of this one, they were all worse because of it. First of all I fell in love with the song instantly and Han Tae immediately after. He's so cute and in love and it takes him way too long to realise it, but his devotion to Ba Ram is unquestionable from the beginning.

Favourite Moment:

The one that was a sequel but not really

Love Class 2

The first couple of episodes I wasn't sure about this one. The first couple of episodes were kinda of confusing, starting with such a dark scene on the roof, and so many different types of relationships to keep track of.

Joo Hyuk was my instant favourite from the beginning. The way he was instantly smitten and committed from the first moment he saw the TA was delightful.

It took me longer to warm up to Min Woo and Maru. But I love their arc. Even the jealousy experiment didn't bother me, Maru needed a push. Much like Lee Hyun said, it was so obvious.

Lee Hyun and Kim An were the last ones to reach me. I think the whole backstory around Kim An muddied the waters a bit and I'm not sure it was necessary to have so much of it, but I did love that when Kim An gave in, he did so with no reservations.

Favourite Moments:

The one that had me considering moving to a farm

Love Tractor

Ok. Not really, But look how pretty. Funny story, I actually rewatched part of this show in an orchard not that much different from the one here. I was on holiday in the countryside and just thought it would be incredibly amusing.

Anyway. I love Ye Chan an unreasonable amount. He's so dramatic and so earnest. And honestly if I ever had to move to a place like this I think I would pretty much have the same reaction as Seon Yul. I just want my peace and quiet.

But I really like their dynamic all throughout and considering the time restraints I thought that the development of Yul's feelings was done quite well.

Favourite Moment:

The other one with Love in the title

Love Mate

There was absolutely no reason for me to like this show has much as I did. Ha Ram should've bothered me. This whole concept should've annoyed me. The whole separation bit should've made me angry. Why didn't it? I have no clue. But I loved it. I've watched it more than once and love it every time.

Favourite Moment

The one with coffee and pottery

Unintentional Love Story

I adore this show. Pick an episode, any episode, I love it. Was it perfect? No. Was the kissing the thing that made it not perfect? Perhaps. I love it nonetheless.

[Confession time. Is there one thing about this show that bothers me no matter how many times I rewatch it? Yes. Is it the kissing? No. Is it something absolutely and stupidly tiny that only I could possibly be that bothered by it? Yes. What is it? " Let me at least do this." It's such a great moment. But why did whoever was in charge of the editing felt the need to show us the scene that we saw 17 minutes before? (it's really 17 minutes and 40 seconds, I checked because I'm nowhere near sane). Did they thing we forgot about it in that time? It lessens the moment and it insults the audience. I hate it an unreasonable amount. ]

There are so many moments in this show that I love. The four mains are amazing, the confession scene by HoTae in the coffee shop floored me, the writing in the sand moment was delightful and the soundtrack is my favourite of the year.

Favourite Moment:

The one that was perfect

Our Dating Sim

What's there to say. There's nothing wrong here. They are delightful, I had a great time with the video game format at the end of the episodes, their chemistry was amazing, and Ki Tae is my favourite boy. Also, my second favourite soundtrack this year.

Favourite Moment

See you next time with Thailand I think.

Thanks for reading💜

[whitegownsandflowercrowns]

My Rewatch 1x01: "The Heirs of the Dragon"

I do love the choice to start with the Great Council; it's what started this whole thing and there's a 99% chance of it coming out very clunky if you try to talk about it in expository dialogue.

I missed the opening titles this episode :(

Oh god I forgot how happy Rhaenyra and Alicent used to be. It's so much harder to watch their 1x01 scenes when you've watched everything after go down.

Also am I seeing things or was Rhaenyra very much checking out Alicent at the end of their first scene together?

When I watched Aemma and Rhaenyra's scene I thought it was kind of darkly funny how Rhaenyra essentially said "hey mom, are you feeling alright? no one's checked in on you" and Aemma basically responded "you are a womb for the crown." After watching the rest of Aemma's scenes, though, any humor is gone. I'll elaborate.

Did not think the first person I would want to kill Viserys for would be Rhaenyra. But seriously, there's no need to emphasize how you know this baby is a boy and how you're so excited to finally have a boy as many times as he does in this scene when your daughter is right there. UGGHHHH I hate him so much.

DAEMON SHE IS FOURTEEN STOP LOOKING AT HER LIKE THAT

Back to Aemma: something about her scenes that struck me so much harder this time is how much she clearly hates pregnancy, and how hard she's trying to convince herself that she doesn't. Her conversation with Rhaenyra? Trying to convince herself that to give birth to dead children over and over again is her duty, that there is something noble in this suffering. In her bath scene with Viserys she keeps making "jokes" about how awful pregnancy is ("at this point I may very well give birth to a dragon", "born wearing a crown? childbirth is painful enough.") Her book counterpart was married to Viserys at 11, and he only waited two years to start trying to get children out of her. It's unclear how old Show!Aemma is supposed to be, but if we're taking that as canon, she has known nothing else her entire life. She believes that this is her one task, her one duty, and so she must repress the fact that she clearly hates it. And then the fact that her one attempt to gain some autonomy is what led to her death...

Ok so fun fact I cannot watch the Gold Cloaks with a straight face anymore because when I showed @lovelybeautifulwasteland the show and we got to the scene of Daemon hyping them up she just said "it's giving they've explored each other's bodies" with no context and now that is the only thing I can think of so as they're all chanting I'm just laughing hysterically.

Once again, Alicent and Rhaenyra happily gossiping during the tourney is rough when you realize this is essentially the last time the two of them (especially Alicent) will ever truly be happy.

Also Rhaenyra holding Alicent's hand when she notices her picking at her skin...they love each other so much

FIRST LOOK AT CRISTON

Also Rhaenys I am so sorry that I have ever spoken against you. I am apologizing in advance for when I rewatch 1x02 (and maybe 1x09) and I will speak against her again. She doesn't deserve that. She does, but also she doesn't. I love her.

We got so many reaction shots of Laena during the tourney, and a few of her clutching Laenor's arm when she was shocked. I wish we could have seen so much more of their sibling relationship, I would have loved that.

Daemon asking for Alicent's favor immediately after knocking Gwayne out...I am praying for them to interact a lot in Season 3, there's so much potential there.

Aemma's death legitimately almost made me cry this time around because I think it finally truly hit me just how viscerally horrible it is. Viserys barely hesitates before asking "you can save the child?" She's so happy when he tells her that they're bringing the baby out, she thinks it's all going to be okay. And then when they hold her down and start cutting into her, she's so scared. She's so scared, and she doesn't know what's going on, and her husband who she's sacrificed child after child trying to do her duty for isn't doing anything to stop the maester from hurting her and he just keeps telling her that they're bringing the baby out and he loves her, and her final moments are spent in fear and confusion and pain. I hate Viserys so so much.

Also during the funeral, when Rhaenyra wonders if he finally experienced happiness for the few hours that Baelon was alive...I really do wonder, if Baelon had survived, if Viserys would have regretted it even half as much.

Look, I think, out of all of the main cast, Viserys did the most damage. But I do think that there is a really compelling argument that Otto is the single cruelest character in the entire cast. Daemon enjoys violence, sure, but he does care. In his own way. Otto doesn't even wait until the day after Aemma's funeral to immediately start pressing on the topic of heir, covering it all up under the (very very thin) veneer of the whole "I hate to bring it up now" act, and he sends his fourteen-year old daughter to Viserys' chambers literally hours later. He does love her, and he seems to care for Viserys, but he's just so, so cruel.

On that note, "you might wear one of your mother's dresses" really stuck out to me this time around, more so than "in his chambers?" Because let's be honest: the second Otto said "I thought you might go to him" Alicent knew damn well what the subtext of that was. But there was still the plausible deniability. She could convince herself that maybe her father really did just want her to comfort Viserys after a horrible loss. But "you might wear one of your mother's dresses?" There is absolutely no mistaking what the true intention of this visit is. Coupled with the sheerness of the dress in question, that it was clearly made for an adult woman...Otto you're going straight to hell with Viserys.

Alicent in this scene and the choices she makes also really stood out. Because, like I said, she knows that her father wants her to seduce Viserys. Maybe not in the moment right then and there, but he wants her to at least begin the process. She can't completely go against her father's wishes and sit in silence with Viserys, but she also doesn't want to seduce her best friend's father. So she plays it very carefully: she keeps a conversation rolling, but she makes sure that she's just being a friend. I feel so sad for her.

The fact that Viserys names Rhaenyra heir at most 48 hours after Aemma's death is really the worst part of her death. She died for absolutely nothing.

I will not become a Daemon fan. I will not become a Daemon fan. I will not become a Daemon fan. I will not become a Daemon fan.

Viserys' little spiel about control of the dragons being an illusion and how easily the Targaryens could tear themselves apart...it's THE THEMESSSS

I said a while back that I couldn't remember any moment in Season 1 that really said Mysaria was attracted to Daemon, but honestly? She has a few moments that make me think that she genuinely does like him, it's not just the money.

The ending to this episode is just SO good. Cutting between Viserys telling Rhaenyra about the Song of Ice and Fire, Alicent getting her ready for the ceremony, the heir ceremony itself...it's just so good.

Also tell me why I was tempted to cry when they played "A Song of Ice and Fire" over the credits, I just love this show so much and Ramin Djawadi is an actual genius.

[flameunquenched]

this is an 'on break at work' ramble so if it doesn't make a lot of sense, well, that's why

but we rewatched s2e1 last night and i paid close attention to the reactions of sauron/halbrand as he was being initially questioned by adar and then beaten multiple times by waldreg. i want to discuss that a little bit.

i've commented on this to @silmarillisms several times now about how i love how stoic he is in the face of this man beating him with a club. there's no reaction to the blows other than slight winces and grunts that we get more off-screen than anything else. in addition, the way that he treats with adar in the initial scene of them is fascinating to me.

he plays the king caring for his people incredibly well. i saw a post on the dash, i don't remember now from who (sorry!), about how him going back and doing the whole moses 'let my people go' bit is him trying to keep his word to galadriel and tbh i do love that. i do think that sauron does care for the peoples of middle-earth as a whole, even if at times he is not sure exactly how to show that. with adar, sauron plays it as their being equals. adar is the 'king' of the uruks, so to speak, and 'halbrand' is the king of the southlands. so there's no bowing or scraping. it is an even exchange of information: the freedom of the southlanders for information on sauron.

that 'halbrand' himself is sauron himself is just cherry on top for sauron and his manipulations.

others have said better than i that it is poetic that waldreg was beating on the very being he spent so long worshipping and i think that's funny and accurate. being quite honest, waldreg is probably my least favorite character so him dying was very satisfying for me personally, lol. but what i did love about those scenes was sauron's totally stoic nature and how wildly juxtaposed it was when compared to the sauron in forodwaith who was very obviously nervous.

we know that several hundred years pass between the forodwaith scene and sauron reforming in the halbrand guise, so he clearly must have had time to sort of 're-center' himself against the pain and humiliation that scene must have caused. i suppose after getting stabbed to death in a humiliating manner by a fuckload of orcs, having a single old dude whaling on you really isn't much to write home about.

one last thing...

there's another really small moment in s2e1 that i absolutely adore and it's the moment where sauron just stops walking in the chain-line of people. with the camera on him, you see the person in front of him get stopped by it and it is just an incredible little display of his strength. it's a fantastic reminder to the broader audience that he is not a man, not a mortal. just sauron himself stopping stops the entire line of people in front of him. i don't have a gif on hand but it's probably at least 10 people that he forces to stop simply because he stops. it's a callback to the scene in s1e8 where he catches galadriel's attempt to stab him, which is yet another reminder of his being Other to everyone around him.

my back hurts and i wrote this order the course of like an hour and a half so if there's typos i am sorry

[recurring-polynya]

I really enjoy your posts they’re very interesting to read ☺️ how did you first get into Bleach ?

Unfortunately the answer is: memes.

I want to state for the record that I, personally, was never a SomethingAwful Goon, but I was...Goon adjacent, and so when Leekspin became a thing, I realized that the girl in it was from the same show as this:

which I knew mostly because of its appearance in an 8-minute long montage of SA gif set to Revolution Deathsquad by Dragonforce.

I thought the leek girl was cute, so I looked the show up on Wikipedia and it was like, "oh. this is extremely my jam." I convinced Mr. P, who was not yet Mr. P (but was a Goon), that we should watch it, so we downloaded some fansubs from Dattebayo, as was the fashion at the time. We still have a bunch of episodes on an ancient hard drive somewhere, Mr. P found them recently. I'm not sure exactly when this was, but I'm guessing it was probably around 2007. It was definitely after 2006 and before 2008. I still remember that the Bleach discussion thread on SA used to be called "Telling you our names before we kill you."

Anyway, we loved it and kept up with it for several years and made all our friends watch it. I have a pretty vivid memory of freaking out with a friend of mine at our weekly D&D session about the reveal that Ichigo's dad was a shinigami. We also all went to see Memories of Nobody in an actual theater. We kept up with the anime as it aired until sometime in the Fake Karakura town arc, when the story slowed down to a crawl.

Several years later, when our second kid was a baby, I found out that the show had concluded, and the whole thing was available on one of the streaming services, and we thought it would be fun to rewatch the whole thing, start to end (you watch a lot of tv when you have infants). This rewatch did a real number on my brain and I started reading fanfic and discovered Tumblr. I decided I wanted to read the manga, and I started checking it out a couple of volumes at a time from the library. Later, I was able to get the whole run digitally on super-good sale from Comixology.

In 2019, I made this Tumblr and started writing fanfic. I guess we must have rewatched it again in the 2019-20 timeframe, since I wrote a bunch of recap posts. I just rewatched it last year with the same child, who has ceased to be an infant. I didn't let her watch the TYBW episodes yet because of the higher violence rating, but I think we're gonna do that next year.

It's always a little funny to me when people on here talk about watching Bleach as a kid, because I was a whole-ass adult the first time I watched it, and it's really strongly linked to a bunch of career and parenthood-related memories for me. Regardless, Bleach has had my back through a lot of rough times, and it's a story I still enjoy thinking about and finding new things in every day, even after a decade and a half.

[technicolorfamiliar]

Contraband (Blackout) Dir. Michael Powell 1940

This one has been on my rewatch list since I first saw it last year. It was one of the few films in the epic Connie watch-a-thon that felt like it had some kind of curative powers, in the surprising way some movies do. I never expected it to lift my spirits and lighten my heart the way it did.

10/10 no notes. I absolutely love everything about this movie. Except the randomly shoehorned "White Negro" scene. It's so out of place in an otherwise pretty progressive film. That cabaret act literally could have been anything, why choose that?? (I couldn't find a lot of info about the choreographer, but it sounds like he was into romanticizing and exoticizing African and Caribbean people in his work… which is not great, but pretty typical of that time I guess. Ugh.)

But otherwise delightful, a romp from start to finish. Apparently someone on IMDB slammed Contraband for being "camp expressionism", but honestly? Hell yeah. I'm 100% here for it. In fact, "camp expressionism" my new favorite genre if it means cute, quirky, risqué, well-directed, well-shot, romantic spy comedy with a tight script and excellent performances.

I've also seen people comparing it to American screwball comedies of the era, but that doesn't seem quite right or even fair. Contraband, thanks to Powell, Pressburger, the editor, and the cast, has a very light touch compared to the comedies coming out of Hollywood in the '30s and '40s. It's not as heavy-handed, it doesn't beat its message to death with over-done gags or affected performances. Michael Powell even said the movie was "all pure corn, but corn served up by professionals." And that's the Powell and Pressburger difference, baby.

The comedy in the script is executed with relative subtlety. The movie isn't telling you HERE’S THE FUNNY BIT, LAUGH NOW the way screwball, slapstick Hollywood would. You almost have to be looking for the humor here to catch it, and it pays off. It's a cheekier type of comedy, not really driven by jokes and punchlines. And as someone who never really liked American comedies of that era, I really appreciate this kind of film. It's silly, even outright stupid in some scenes, but it's not playing down to it's audience. I mean, the whole brawl in the night club is almost like the big fight at the end of Blazing Saddles where more and more people keep joining in, but the action stops for half a second while someone delivers a line. It's stupid. And I love it.

The espionage stuff in is a little convoluted and kind of treated as a throw-away. But really, if you're not paying super close attention to that part of the story, you're not missing much. The spy plot between the British and the Nazis is really just there to give the lead characters something fun to do, and you know what… that's ok with me.

The cinematography also helps elevate Contraband above just being a regular old comedy. Featuring the London blackout is actually really clever. It forces a number of scenes into almost total darkness, which was a risky move and could have been a huge mistake, but it adds yet another interesting layer to the film, visually and in terms of story. There's an unusual POV (possibly handheld?) tracking shot, when Andersen and Mrs. Sorensen are walking up to her house in town, that's just lit by their flashlight. We don't see either of them, except for her hand briefly putting the key in the lock, until after they enter and the camera pans around the hall. And there's a moment a while later when they're in the basement after being tied up where Connie's face is entirely in shadow -- we know he's looking at her, but his expression is completely hidden in darkness. On paper, it sounds like a bad shot, a mistake, but this "expressionistic" lighting and camera work adds a little extra special sauce that I for one greatly appreciate.

The supporting cast is all generally pretty good. Hay Petrie is fun in a double roll. There's the scene in the rowboat where he looks like he's going to get sea sick… despite being the first mate who practically lives on a ship. Little character touches like that throughout the movie make it delightful: The girl in short shorts doing exercises in her room when Connie bursts in on her, the line delivery of the woman who works in the kitchen with Uncle Erik, the guy outside lighting his pipe during the blackout letting those two cops HAVE it. I love a character actor driven movie, all these people in bit parts adding so much color to the story. Brilliant.

Valerie Hobson is so good in this. First of all, she's a boss bitch with an incredible wardrobe. Every look she's serving is iconic. The tweed jacket and headscarf that matches her blouse? The dress with the crazy angular shoulder pads? The big, wide-brimmed hat? Slay. She's authoritative without being shrill, she's got a confident swagger you don't see a lot of actresses getting to showcase at that time. Still, she's not really a femme fatale either. Mrs. Sorensen is independent, intelligent, stunning, and into dangerous spy shit because she enjoys it. She's someone I'd want to hang out with, but would be too scared to talk to because she's so cool. I mean, she almost missed the train at the end because she went back to get Andersen's watch! I have two words for you: Wife Goals.

Sadly, it sounds like Val didn't really get to do a lot of other fun roles outside of the two films she made with Connie. Which is a real shame. Someone on Letterboxd said they're better together than Tracy and Hepburn, and I fully agree. Val and Connie have a natural chemistry that neither feels feel too personal or too studied. Their on screen work together feels easy, without all the baggage and volatility of IRL romance.

The first time I saw Contraband, I think I was simply charmed by Connie as Andersen. Getting to see him as a fun, heroic, romantic lead is incredibly satisfying. But this time around I realized how funny he actually is. He's is so cranky, he starts the movie already at like an 8.5, he's so fucking over it. It's one thing after another -- Mrs. Sorensen won't wear her life jacket, British contraband control wants to hold up them up, someone stole the landing papers, and of course it was Mrs. Sorensen AND Mr. Pigeon. He's so grumpy from the get. (My theory is that he's hangry. He's temperamental and irritable up until he gets a decent meal at The Three Vikings. So relatable.)

It was fun to rewatch this one to catch all the comedic beats Connie is doing with his gestures and facial expressions. They're choreographed, but not affected or over done. His timing and delivery is subtle and finely tuned, which is always funnier than an actor who deliberately plays up the laughs. For example, the long pause after Mrs. Sorensen corrects his pronunciation of the name of the restaurant, he furrows his brow and looks around and finally mutters, "…VI-kings." His comedy is so understated, which keeps the rapid-fire pacing of the bits from being obnoxious.

Andersen is an interesting guy, too. I feel like his macho vibe is just a mask he wears as captain of his ship. He's so used to being That Guy, but, based on Connie's performance, I get the impression that deep down Andersen doesn’t really subscribe to all that traditional masculinity. Later in the film it's easy-ish for him to eventually drop the façade, adjust his expectations, becoming more flexible, malleable in his ideas about sex and gender. This of course is because Conrad Veidt was in reality a proto-feminist wife guy. Andersen isn't played like your standard manly man movie heroes of the time, because that's not who Connie was, that's not an image he wanted to project or support (and I feel one reason why Hollywood couldn't figure out what to do with him in the '40s, but that rant is for another post).

Andersen and Mrs. Sorensen are pretty evenly matched. In fact she has the upper hand and more progressive, dominant role especially once they arrive in London. On his ship, he's the boss, but on shore he's met with one disadvantage after another. Mrs. Sorensen has to be the one to pay for his bus and cab fare, confidently navigating her way through the blackout like a pro. Meanwhile, Andersen is pretty much a bumbling fool, a sidekick to Sorensen's spy adventure. But he's not totally incompetent either (I MEAN IT LOOKS LIKE HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING WITH THOSE ROPES, HE IS A SAILOR AFTER ALL *eyes emoji* *sweating emoji*), he's the one who comes up with the plan to rescue Sorensen from her Nazi captors (although I get the impression she probably would have found her own way out without his help). But what's great is that he doesn't do it alone, he goes back to The Three Vikings to round up a small army of Danish essential workers to back him up. And I love how Connie plays the whole last act of the film like he's actually on an adventure; you can see Connie the actor having the most fun ever getting to be the big movie star hero, tussling with cops and Nazis, solving puzzles with glee, getting the girl -- who is just as much of a badass as he is -- in the end. It's so good. And it's so much fun to watch.

There are so, so many wonderful little touches in this movie, many of which I only caught during this second watch. I have a page of scribbled notes I wrote while I was watching that ends with, "The cutest shit I have ever seen!" From the performances to the writing to the technical details, it's hard not to fall in love with this one. Contraband is easily one of those films I could rewatch over and over again and never get sick of it.

OH I can't believe forgot about The Boys:

The goodest boys.

[hinata-boke]

Hi! When did you get into hq? Have you had trouble with waning interest over time, or how do you keep your passion fresh?

hi!! i first watched haikyuu at around the end of 2019, where i just binge watched all of season 1-3. i enjoyed it a lot and thought it was really really good, but somehow i didn't get into it then. i just kind of said "oh they weren't kidding about it being good", and didn't engage with or create much fancontent. (a couple of my friends liked it, one of them even started playing vball because of it in hs)

when s4 came out i watched the first few episodes as they came out but didn't actually keep up with it all the way!! i only ended up finishing season 4 sometime last year.

around 2022, my brother wanted to find an anime to watch with our family, and i thought haikyuu would be a good choice (especially for my mom) since i thought it was very wholesome, exciting sports fun with good characters. while i was rewatching i was one again like "hey this is really good" and i made this blog to post occasional drawings. this time i was more invested since i noticed more characters the second time around, and i was like oh there's a LOT of funny little guys in here

then i started doing 1hqaday on a whim after seeing some prompts for 15 and 30 day challenges, soon after finished s4 and read the manga and got VERY invested! (also i only started REALLY liking akaashi here lol) also i think having to find references for a whole bunch of characters and thinking about their significant moments while drawing them made me appreciate each of them more, and haikyuu as a whole.

compared to a lot of people id say im still relatively new to actually being a part of the fandom so i haven't dealt with much waning interest in my current phase (i dont count since the beginning since i wasn't originally that invested), but in the past i tended to cycle through main interests every year or so. haikyuu still seems to have a lot going on though, and i have SOOO many ideas i haven't drawn yet that i hope ill be able to stick around for quite a while!

(sorry for rambling)

[iantimony]

duesday

listening: idk, stuff on my phone on shuffle. some more coral bones youthemism i guess. friends at the table sangfielle, episode 3; i might not actually relisten to the rest of the arcs i already did and just skim the transcripts.

no children (ska remix) by sad snack: im back in my ska era. really funny song to have an upbeat ska tone.

the mountain goats deserters fan album: have not listened to the whole album yet but god, what a cool and unique thing that i don't think could really exist for most other bands. Five Fucking Hours

reading: Polynesian Tattooing Tools, linked from Fairhaven comic

why gen z is obsessed with point-and-shoot digital cameras: it's funny because a few months ago i was considering getting a cheap point-and-shoot to fuck around with. looks like i am not the only one who was thinkin about it.

i'm working my way through le guin's 'the left hand of darkness'! i bounced off it the first time i tried reading it a few years ago but last year i read a le guin short story anthology that had some stories set on karhide and i think that gave me a good enough primer on the world/her writing style to get it to stick this time. i'm enjoying it! it's a good book!

watching: mina le - booktok & the hotgirlification of reading: some good background video for crochet etc. bernadette banner - hand sewing regency stays should be quick...right?: oughhhhh so pretty. bernadette banner - this regency court gown is probably my favorite project ever: i won't lie i got a little misty-eyed at the artisans getting to sign their names on the robe.

rewatched the gay and wondrous life of caleb gallo. i forgot how good it is, it really holds up and is still funny

also, continued doctor who watch/rewatch. i'm ngl i think the way rory and amy were shoved off screen was...really stupid. "he can't go back to that specific year in ny :(" ok, before amy gets zapped back you just go "yo go to new jersey in a few days" and go pick them up. really silly imo

playing: fallow. did buy miserichord, omori, and slay the princess in the steam summer sale. i have signalis, voyager 19, and a short hike in my cart as we speak. more games that i haven't played to feed the steam library let's goooo

making: crocheted some granny squares.

pattern for the yellow one is this lantana square...if anyone has any interesting looking granny square patterns that would be good in one solid color send em my way!

thinking of getting this pattern too.

i realized this past week that my urge to Make has been very stale and derivative the past few years, if that makes sense. like i don't feel Creative, i see something and mimic it - i do paintings based on photos i took, i follow knitting patterns, i come across something ceramic and decide to make one of my own, i find reference images to copy. but no actual, like, Inventing on my own end. i think that's why i haven't done a lot of fanart or fanfiction as well, just no ideas. i know that's just part of the cycle of creativity and i'm just in a "hunter-gatherer" period of amassing skills and references but idk. i'm tired of it. i want to create more meaningful things but i have no actual ideas, the well feels dry, and i'm not sure how to fix that.

eating: fallow

misc: stares at my mom and brother doing politics doomerism re: supereme court ruling in the family group chat. looks away. chants 'nothing ever happens' to myself like a mantra.

[seerofmike]

Mike's Media Medley--November 2024

here's the second to last one of these this year before i do what i watched/played in dec post and then a post of my top 7 games and movies for the whole year :p got a little more proactive this month since i had some free time due to thanksgiving break so let's get started!

things i watched or played for the very first time this november--

Movies/Shows(2024 releases)--Wicked, Arcane season 2

Movies (non-2024 releases)--Run Lola Run (1998), Shaun of the Dead (2004)

Games-- Long Live the Queen (2013), Darkwood (2014), Hexcraft: Harlequin Fair (2021), Papa's Pizzeria Deluxe and Crime Scene Cleaner (2024),

Movies / Shows:

Arcane season 2

okay so i actually have a fair bit to say about arcane season 2 so i think i will save that for its own post but i didn't like it as much as season 1. im gonna give it like a 77.5/100. season 1 would've been a 90/100.

Run Lola Run (1998)

this is another movie i meant to see for its anniversary re-release and took a while to get around to but GOD this movie was weird and i really liked it i LOVE absurdism. the soundtrack was banging and there were just really interesting directorial choices here. it reminded me a lot of Good Time and i feel like i can almost trace a line between the two in terms of influence.

i think she should've broken up with her stupid boyfriend who looks a shocking amount like theo james tho

greatly enjoyed it. might rewatch it.

85/100

Shaun of the Dead (2004)

i meant to watch this on halloween but then I Forgor so it got rolled over into november. i thought it was pretty funny but i struggle to remember too much of it. it was written and directed by edgar wright so you know there was a lot of clever shit going on but also there were just some moments i remember making me go :/ but i dont entirely remember what. i think the movie really started losing me by the third act but i had a fun time watching it

70/100

Wicked

ok yeah it was pretty good

i wasn't really expecting to like this cuz i am just. NOT a musical person. like i liked hamilton but only because it wasn't like most other musicals and also ive literally never listened to all of hamilton LMFAO so i'm just not a musical person. that being said this WHOLE movie was really fun and i've seen it like 3 times

the set pieces (lots of real sets, and not cgi!) were beautiful and the character performances were all fun. ariana was like. surprisingly hilarious??? like i DID watch victorious growing up but i don't remember much so maybe i shouldn't be surprised. and cynthia put her whole fucking pussy into singing this thing

my only gripes are, based on what i've heard about the second half of the musical i wonder how they're gonna handle elphaba's sister + munchkin guy because i feel like they didn't do much here but that's a future problem for a future movie. and secondly i thought the. actual like. shooting of the movie was very bland considering its subject matter. like the camera is energetic ENOUGH for the musical scenes but i feel like it could be going crazier and don't even get me started on the LIGHTING of this thing but other than that. this was fun and i have a lot of the songs stuck in my head!

90/100

bideo games

Crime Scene Cleaner (2024)

haven't played a whole lot of this but it does scratch the same itch for me as like house flipper. i do have to be in the mood for those types of games though. this one has the addition of an incredibly awkward english translation so that's nice. i like the music stuff that's neat

Darkwood (2014)

ok so i played this for like 2 hours at a friend's and i was really trying to enjoy the Vibes but the inventory management stuff just like. kind of made it a slog. so i quit sawi

Hexcraft: Harlequin Fair (2021)

im gonna be honest i have no idea whats going on here i think its kind of just like. a Vibes and Atmosphere game. and i get what its going for as like this old school mmo type of things i think. i am enjoying it im just also stupid and dont get it yet. shout out to the estrogen pills filling up my inventory tho

Long Live the Queen (2013)

dog they got me doing spreadsheets. they got me writing stuff down with a pen and paper doing math. it's like disco elysium but instead of solving a murder you're trying to survive until your coronation and every roll of the die CAN kill you for ridiculous reasons what do you mean i need to invest in my decoration skills to beat the evil wizard fuck you im obsessed

Papa's Pizzeria Deluxe (2024)

ive never actually played pizzeria before! i appreciate that it's way more difficult than papa's freezeria but im gonna be honest some of these people need to be in jail for their pizza orders

[dk-wren]

Buddy Daddies Week - Ep. 1-4 Rewatch

Welcome to Day 2 of my Buddy Daddies Celebration Week! Today, I present to you some of my thoughts and musings from my rewatch of the whole series. Today will focus on episodes 1-4, with my thoughts and reactions for the remaining episodes being posted throughout the rest of the week.

For some reason (I honestly don’t know why), I was very adamant that the main timeline would eventually cross paths with the prologue and we’d see those events again or perhaps it would be referenced in a later episode. Obviously, it never did. And so thinking about it now, if I had to place where the prologue happened, I would guess between episodes 5 and 6 (I know this isn’t necessarily anything new or groundbreaking. This is just me going through my thoughts).

I was originally thinking sometime between Episode 4-6 since Rei had slowly begun his process of opening himself up to loving and taking care of Miri, or accepting that he is her papa. Episode 4 was my starting guess because that’s where we’re introduced to Miss Anna, and Miri actually starts attending daycare. Additionally, Rei is still a little reserved or closed off at this point. However, based on the first scene of ep. 5 and Kazuki’s financial gymnastics, it seems like it’s been awhile since their last mission. Which to me, wouldn’t make sense for them to go on the prologue mission between these two episodes. Rei’s walls start to come down some more in ep 5, and Kazuki and Rei both agree that they kinda need to take on a few more jobs to make a living. With Miri getting mad at Kazuki and fully letting him know how much she loves Rei, I feel anything after ep 6 would make the prologue mission feel out of place in terms of Rei’s behavior. Additionally, by this point it seems like Rei had slowly begun to help out more around the house and with Miri. Therefore, with Rei and Kazuki needing to complete the mission they were on in the prologue, but Rei seemingly not as observant or involved with taking care of Miri, that is why I am placing the events of the prologue between episodes 5 and 6.

The way the kitty just snuggles up next to Rei! She knows she’s safe and protected next to him (and maybe that he’s always been a good person who is capable of loving another!!!)

Rei seems to have some understanding of Christmas, did he celebrate this when he was younger? Since that seems highly unlikely, did he just pick up on it and learn over time? Or did Rei experience his first true Christmas living with Kazuki?!

Random thought of the episode…is this their truck? Where do they park it/store it since we only see it on missions?

Love how Miri's priorities are cake first, finding papa second

Is it bad that it took me reading someone’s post on here to realize Kazuki and their target, Atsushi Hayami, were meant to look similar? Like I see it now, but on a first watch, I was completely oblivious to it.

This opening!!! I remember watching this scene for the first time and just thinking to myself, yep, that’s a four year old. And Kazuki, this man is already questioning everything. But also, despite being the one who is more prepared to be a father, I like how this scene shows how there are things that Kazuki is learning and may not have considered without experience

I don’t know a whole lot about name honorifics or modifies in Japanese, but I love how after Rei rejects “Papa” Kazuki still tries to keep it a family name with “Uncle” (before settling with “Rei-kun” for this episode and part of the following one).

Based on his reaction, I get a feeling this was the first time Kazuki made Rei french toast. If so, I wonder if Miri asked for Kazuki to make it or if he just decided that’s what would be for breakfast

Out of context, this scene is still pretty funny, like Miri managed to destroy their apartment in probably a few hours at most. When I watched this clip the first time, I always thought when Rei said “cover” (at least, according to the translation), he was talking to Kazuki. As in, to keep Miri distracted, they told her they were playing hide and seek, with Miri hiding and they would be the ones to find her. After watching the episode, I picked up that Rei was meant to be directing that comment at Miri, which I love how seriously he says it like its an actual critique. Just goes to show I guess how much Rei has grown over the course of the show in his approach to playing with/talking to Miri.

Moment of appreciation for this iconic scene!

I feel like I should have taken this post credit scene more seriously when it came out because wow did it do a good job of formally introducing Ogino and just what would be in store when this fun little family comedy took a turn

How do I hug little Rei while simultaneously punch Shigeki?

I really enjoy how despite Kazuki trying to get Rei to take on the title “papa” or “uncle” in the previous episode, both he and Miri respect that he doesn’t want to be called either name and generally will use “-kun” instead

Even though up until this point, Rei hasn’t been actively shown to take the lead in caring for or wanting to keep Miri, I love how he can already see right through Kazuki’s stance that they should return Miri to her mother

I’d argue this exchange just goes to show how much Miri already loves and accepts Rei as her papa, even if he does not actively return the gesture. She wants to know where he is and when Kazuki says he doesn’t know, she actively goes out to try and find him. Then, she comforts him in ways she’s probably familiar with: staying by his side and by saying the smile spell

This man is a hitman and (as we learn in a later episode) used to do gaming all-nighters, but is absolutely dead after playing for no more than a few hours with Miri. Another very accurate portrayal of how draining spending time with children can be, in terms of keeping up with their energy level

Based on the brief background given about Misaki and the impressions at least I took away from this episode, I wonder if this is what Misaki told Miri about who her father was and why he was not present in their lives

Nothing to add, just gonna leave this scene here.

While I totally understand Kazuki and Rei’s reactions, and empathize with the messes Miri is accidentally creating, it says a lot about Miri in how she wants to spend time with both of them and/or help out with chores

One of my favorite, small moments, is the two times in this episode where music is playing as Kazuki and Miri start walking in one direction, with Rei heading the other way, only for the music to cut abruptly and show Rei forced to go wherever the other two are headed

As Miri is figuring out daycare herself, I think it’s sweet how her future friends, Kotori and Hinata, are the ones to somewhat explain why they don’t want to play with Miri (and why the other children feel the same way)

This post credit scene or the one from ep 4 is probably my favorite. Just another example of Miri showing how much love she has for her two papas. I also can’t help but wonder how many items in Miri’s room were chosen by her (aside from toys and decor) and how many were chosen by Kazuki and Rei? Also, how long did this take them? And please tell me that Kazuki dragged Rei with him as they went furniture shopping.

Also, if Miri only got her room at the end of the episode, where did she sleep the two nights they went shopping? Because in the beginning of the episode, Miri is still seen sleeping on the couch, but both times all of their shopping bags are covering the area where the sofa is. I think I’m looking to hard into this…

.

.

.

Thank you again for your support and for reading this post!

I hope you enjoyed reading some of my thoughts and random questions I had while rewatching this show (which I decided to edit down since this post would have gotten really really long otherwise-debating if I wanna post my full, unedited thoughts though at a later point). I think they do a good job of capturing the way my brain normally works, so yeah...

Anyways, hope to see you again tomorrow!

-Dakota Wren

[1mpulsee]

// what about Bart as a character, convinced you to create a blog and play him, as a writer?

// I was a big fan of the YJ cartoon when I was younger, I watched season 1 & 2 all the way through multiple times (which I didn’t do often unless I really liked a show) and even back then Bart was my favorite character !! however I kinda forgot about dc/the show/bart for a while until last year in September-ish when I decided to rewatch the whole show and watch seasons 3 & 4 for the first time .

// and holy shit returning to it as an adult rewired my brain lol . Bart was instantly my fave again and I got curious as to what his comic version was like . so I read his wiki page and totally was confused by what I was reading so I read his intro in the flash . and then a lot of the YJ comic . and then impulse . and I was hooked on the funny fast guy .

// I was kinda falling out of love with my other roleplay blogs at this point in time so it was nice to have a character I liked so much to pop up around then so of course I made a blog . and when I made it I was like “oh this is just gonna be a low effort blog I won’t be on much and I’m sure I’ll get back to my other blogs” and then I never rly did LMAO it definitely started off as smth kinda just low effort for funsies, i definitely didn’t expect to find so many writing partners and get a whole new hyperfix but here we are lol !! now I think about him all the time <3

// but in general I just like how he’s got a lot of room for sillies and angst, I like OP characters who have reasons to not just destroy the world, I like misunderstood characters, and I just always liked speedsters !!! I thought Bart was a rly compelling character with a lot of potential that got fumbled so I was like fuck it he’s my oc now . he is just a character that’s so easy and fun for me to write and there’s always smth new to do with him !! he’s the blorbo ever

[nerdforestgirl]

Note: I didn’t do the whole Fluff Crawlspace thing this year, but today is still the 13th anniversary of the introduction of Amy Farrah Fowler. I don’t expect anyone to actually read this, but I still wanted to mark the occasion. Here’s one for old time’s sake if I still have any Shamy followers here.

Sheldon was sitting in his old apartment, playing video games with Leonard, Howard and Raj for their monthly video game night. He missed the place more now that he lived a few miles away in a house with Amy, but unlike Leonard and Penny who had a second bedroom for their son, Sheldon and Amy had to move as soon as they saw that second pink line on Amy's pregnancy test.

Still, he had this place. Where he lived for years with Leonard and then later also Penny. It didn't really feel like home anymore, but the comfort was still nice. Especially when things just seemed like they wouldn't stop changing. In the years since he won his Nobel, he and Amy had moved, had their son Leonard, and written a book together. It was a lot to happen in just four short years, but at least Sheldon still had his friends and his wife.

Speaking of his wife, Sheldon looked down at his watch. It was ticking close to nine.

“Oh, crud!” Sheldon said to no one in particular.

“Language, Sheldon,” Penny teased from the floor where she was playing with her son. They were working on a Duplo Lego taller than the boy.

“Sorry,” Sheldon said. He hated cursing in front of the kids. “Amy is going to kill me. The Last of Us starts in ten minutes, and the bus ride home will be nearly twice that long.”

“So? She doesn't like your nerd stuff,” Penny pointed out.

“She's really come around on many of my favorite shows. She insists on watching both The Last of Us and The Mandalorian every week,” Sheldon explained.

Howard, Raj, and Leonard all started laughing.

Sheldon looked around at his friends who all seemed to be laughing at him. He didn't understand what he said that was so funny. It was true that Amy had never been particularly into his interests, but she did enjoy both shows a great deal.

“You know what they say, if your girl watches The Last of Us and The Mandalorian, she's not your girl. She's Pedro Pascal's girl,” Leonard explained.

“No,” Sheldon argued, but it was true that those were the only shows that Amy enjoyed watching with him now. Plus she had recently suggested that they rewatch Game of Thrones. “No,” Sheldon said again in realization. Then he got up and ran down the stairs to catch a bus home. The elevator, broken for so long, still worked after being repaired. Sheldon just didn't have time to wait for it.

When Sheldon got home, Amy was creeping out of little Leonard's room. She must have just gotten the baby to sleep, so Sheldon pulled Amy away from the baby's door. He had spent enough sleepless nights with Leonard that even he would slap himself across his face for waking the boy.

“What's up?” Amy asked.

“Are you in love with Pedro Pascal?” Sheldon asked.

Amy let out a sigh and pitched the bridge of her nose. “Sheldon, I have never met Pedro Pascal,” she reminded him. She never knew where something like this came from with him.

“You didn't answer the question,” Sheldon said.

“No. I'm not in love with a man I've never met in my life. I'm in love with the crazy one standing in front of me now. You know, my husband and the father of my child,” Amy said.

Then it came back to Sheldon in a flash. The conception of said child. It was right after Sheldon came home from Comic-Con. When he was dressed as Din Djarin, the character played by Pedro Pascal. He came home that night, and Amy couldn't keep her hands off of Sheldon.

“The Mandalorian fathered my child!” Sheldon accused with a finger pointed at Amy.

“Sheldon, look at me. You fathered Leonard. He's your son. What has gotten into you?”

“The guys said that you only watch The Last of Us and The Mandalorian with me because you love Pedro Pascal,” Sheldon finally explained.

That was something that Amy could finally understand. And it wasn't exactly false. Amy had had a bit of a thing for Pedro Pascal since he was Oberyn Martell in Game of Thrones. That didn't mean she was cheating on Sheldon. As far as her husband went, it mostly meant that she wished he'd grow a mustache. She wouldn't leave Sheldon for a movie star.

“Sheldon, he's a handsome man. So are you. Don't you ever want to watch something because someone in it is attractive?” Amy asked as she gently rubbed her husband's arm. Then she remembered who she was talking to. The only person on the planet she had ever heard him express attraction to was her. It made her feel a little dirty thinking about that because Sheldon was a lot of things, any loyal was number one.

“Can we still watch The Last of Us? I'm actually invested in the story now,” Amy said. The characters were facing a pretty big cliffhanger, and the previous week had mostly been a flashback. Amy really needed to know how it all ended.

“Yes,” Sheldon agreed. Mostly because he wanted to keep watching. Unlike Amy, he knew what would happen next because he played the game. He still wanted to watch it play out on screen.

“Good. And he's not more handsome than you,” Amy promised, but she had her fingers crossed behind her back. She didn't quite believe it. It was still what Sheldon needed to hear.

Two months later, Amy and Sheldon needed to fly to New York for a meeting about the paperback version of their book. Originally only Sheldon was going to go, but Leonard and Penny offered to watch Leonard. They insisted that Sheldon and Amy needed a couple days away with a big comfy bed, plenty of sleep, and maybe a few other things together. And what better place than where Sheldon and Amy spent their honeymoon.

“That guy looks like Pedro Pascal,” Amy muttered to Sheldon as they waited for their plane to New York. It wasn't exactly uncommon for them to see famous people in the first class lounge the publisher paid for, but Amy only thought the man bared a passing resemblance.

After their minor fight, Sheldon had mostly not brought up Pedro Pascal or her possible attraction to him after that. He just wouldn't allow them to make love after watching anything he was in. That was fine with Amy. Fungal zombies didn't exactly put her in the mood anyway.

Sheldon looked at the guy for a moment, but didn't say anything to Amy. Instead, he got up and stomped over to the guy Amy thought looked like Pedro Pascal. Amy was alarmed, so she followed him.

“You stay away from my wife,” Sheldon said in a firm voice as they got closer.

Amy realized in horror that the man she thought looked like Pedro Pascal was Pedro Pascal. She slid behind Sheldon in complete embarrassment, but she also pulled on his arm. Anything to get out of this situation.

“Excuse me?” Pedro Pascal said. He had been minding his own business up until then, and he was sure he had never seen this man before in his life.

“You stay away from my wife,” Sheldon repeated.

“Sheldon, we really don't need a headline saying Nobel Laureate fights Pedro Pascal at LAX,” Amy reminded him. Sheldon still often forgot that he was a public figure now. It didn't matter much in their normal life, but the press would eat this up. Plus, they might both have tenure now, but that didn't mean they couldn't be fired for something completely off the deep end like fighting one of the most famous men in the country at the airport.

Sheldon looked down at Amy and nodded. After a moment, he turned back to walk to where they abandoned their bags before they could be reported as such to security. She could still talk a small amount of sense into him on occasion, and Amy said a quick prayer of thanks that today was one of those times.

“I'm really sorry, Mr. Pascal. My husband and I are actually big fans. He just knows that I have a little bit of a crush on you. I don't know what got into him,” Amy lied. She knew full well that what got into Sheldon was Sheldon.

“Is that guy really a Nobel Laureate?” Pedro Pascal asked Amy.

“Yeah. We both won the Nobel Prize in physics a few years ago,” Amy said with a small smile. She thought about asking for a selfie, but she had already taken up enough of Pedro Pascal's time. She rejoined her husband, and worked to distract him until it was time to board their flight. She prayed they weren't sitting anywhere near Pedro Pascal.

A couple nights later, Amy was snuggled up to Sheldon's side watching one of those late night TV talk shows. They only watched them when little Leonard was having trouble going down to sleep because they were on late and Sheldon refused to have a TV in their bedroom. However, there was a TV here in the hotel room for Amy to flip through channels. She stopped when she saw a familiar face on the screen.

“And it turns out both he and the wife are Nobel Laureates, I swear to God,” Pedro Pascal said to the host.

“Oh no,” Amy said. Then she saw her phone light up. The name of the caller was President Seibert.

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Friday, July 5

Faith: You gotta give me something to do. There's no way I'm sleeping. Don't you need anyone dead? Or maimed? I can settle for maimed. Mayor: (chuckles) You little firecracker. Faith: My mom used to call me that when I was little. I was always running around. She falls silent. The Mayor observes her with a look of concern.

~~Graduation Day Part 1~~

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

Nursemaid Cordelia by DanaNick82 (Cordelia, Angel, Doyle, T)

The Crappartment by DanaNick82 (Angel, Cordelia, G)

Тёмное, белое и розовое [translation into Русский by B_E_S] (Buffy/Angel, T)

What if? by DanaNick82 (Buffy/Angel, T)

How to lure the Xander by DanaNick82 (Buffy/Xander, T)

One moment to give him what he wanted by DanaNick82 (Cordelia/Jesse, T)

and multiple other BTVS stories posted by DanaNick82 (various)

[Chaptered Fiction]

Jojo's Bizarre Adventure: Shadowed Suspicion Chapter 432 by madimpossibledreamer (Jojo's Bizarre Adventure xover, T)

Free to a Good Home - Ch. 1 by though_you_try (Buffy/Spike, R)

Wedding Belles - Ch. 1 by buffy_loves_spike (Buffy/Spike, PG-13)

There Is a Season - Ch. 1 by Inevitablethief (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Night Carnival - Ch. 1 by tbd (Buffy/Spike, PG-13)

Tale as Old as Time - Ch. 3 by honeygirl51885 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

The Degradation of Duality [Series Part 2] - Ch. 2 by Ragini (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

The Devil's Trill - Ch. 20 by Murray (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Stranger in her Body - Ch. 8 by Desicat (Buffy/Spike, Adult Only) COMPLETE!

Come Hell or High Water - Ch. 2 by Rea (Buffy/Spike, PG-13)

Tale as Old as Time - Ch. 3 by honeygirl51885 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

To All We Guard - Ch. 18 by simmony (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

[Images, Audio & Video]

Artwork: Spander Fanart (2) by foundatlantis (Xander/Spike, NSFW)

Fanvid: bad quality spuffy silver cross edit i made at 2am last night ! by simulationgrac3 (Buffy/Spike, mildly NSFW)

Manip / Wallpaper: Halloween by revello-drive-1630 (Spike, Scoobies, worksafe)

Artwork: in which spike shares his cringe poetry by tubesock86 (Buffy/Spike, worksafe)

Artwork: Sketch I did forever ago of Buffy in her cheerleader outfit, she’s so cute by pocketsizedann (Buffy, worksafe)

Textpost: I don't know what to do with these. I just need them off my phone. by k0nstantly-tragic (Spike, Buffy, Willow, Faith, Angel, worksafe)

Gifset: The Slayer slays. The Watcher… watches? by onegirlinallthewrld (Wesley, Faith, Buffy, Giles, Kendra, worksafe)

Gifset: Buffy Waking In Her Worst Nightmare ↳ Nightmares (1.10) // Bargaining (6.1 & 6.2) by ladyverdance (Buffy, worksafe)

Gifset: Willow Rosenberg + Outfits (Season 6) by clarkgriffon (Willow, worksafe)

Gifset: Blonde... short... strong for a human... and massively rude! by andremichaux (Glory, worksafe)

Gifset: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997-2003) || 1x12 - Prophecy Girl, 7x20 - Touched, 3x07 - Revelations, 7x22 - Chosen... by truemoondust (Buffy, Willow, Spike, Faith, worksafe)

Gifset: i saw the tv glow + buffy the vampire slayer references by zabriskies (I Saw the TV Glow xover, worksafe)

[Reviews & Recaps]

[is there] any merit in watching buffy for the first time in the year 2024? [answered yes] by yellowocaballero

Book Review: Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Portal Through Time by georgelthomas

PODCAST: Buffy 2.8 The Dark Age by Once More: A Rewatch Podcast

[Recs & In Search Of]

ISO: hellsmouthhq seeks roleplay: i would kill for some more buffyverse muses🏻

ISO: blazinwolve seeks cute fuffy moments from the comic!!

ISO: Usernamelesses seeks list of Missing/Cut Scenes on Streaming Services [specifically HULU in USA]

ISO: defaaago seeks the name of the beautiful painting behind Giles?

ISO: mbfan4077 is Trying to remember fic [where Willow botched a spell]

[Fandom Discussions]

spike in who are you is so funny. by tootiredforaname

I think Buffy was being ridiculous with the whole “don’t kill Warren thing”. by theredpharaoah

[you know what’s happening with certain characters based on the colors they are wearing? - Spike] by spuffybot

[idea for Buffy x Riley fans on how to tag positive stuff] by riley-summers [also more in tags and replies]

i do find it interesting how the show starts to minimize the spike and dawn relationship... by greensaplinggrace

Obviously the primary reason the Scooby Gang don't think to exhume Buffy's body in Season 6's Bargaining... by coraniaid

OTPs you only BroTP?* Faith and Buffy. by annarowyn

[Asks answered] by annarowyn

What was the best season of BTVS? updated by multiple posters

How was soulless Spike different from Angelus updated by multiple posters

Riley Finn and Tim Duncan?! by Imonlyalittleweird

Angels curse... by Ulquiorra1312

What was the beginning of the fallout for Buffy and Riley? by foreseethefuture

Do you think Buffy would have been an even more acclaimed show if they had not done "Angel"? by speashasha

[Faith in Who Are You?] by Sarah_Reddit_Here

[that scene in Passions is] heart-wrenching and cruel. by Randy_Giles1880

Wesley's transformation from Buffy to Angel is [very] well written by AxelNoir

Why did they ignore Pike's character from the movie? by jdpm1991

If Buffy and Angel can't be together... [question by new viewer] by OriginalNo9300

The Girl in Question bothers me... Buffy couldn't date the Immortal? byjdpm1991

GAME: [every show has one] by Kindly-Accident8437

[Articles, Interviews, and Other News]

PUBLICATION: Variety article: Sarah Michelle Gellar Joins 'Dexter' Prequel Series as Dexter's Boss

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Join the editor team :)

[queen-of-my-goofball-army]

Hoshina watches A Mighty Wind/This Is Spinal Tap

So this is seriously one of the most self indulgent things that I've ever written, as well as one of the most like me OCs that I've ever created because this man has ruined my entire life. It has not been the same for over a month now and my writing while not the best and won't make hardly any sense if you haven't watched either of these movies (to which if you haven't please, please do. I grew up with A Mighty Wind and it's one of my favorite comfort movies and comfort hyper fixations) this whole thing started when I rewatched A Mighty Wind the other night for family movie night and I just couldn't get the idea out of my head of Hoshina watching my favorite movies with me so this fic was born! If you guys like it I'll do a lot of my other favorite movies as well. I have a lot of favorite movies so this might be an ongoing thing for a little while but I'm genuinely happy with how this turned out for the first thing that I'm posting in.. a hot minute for my writing so it might not be my best and it might be super niche but I had a lot of fun with it.

Dot Saito pulled back from her desk and sighed heavily stretching out the kinks in her neck with a small smile on her face. Brandon looked over at his friend with a small smile on his face. 

“Are you going to have movie night with the vice captain tonight? You guys have been doing that quite a bit recently, why’d you start doing that?” Dot flushed a light pink and tried to come up with a valid reason since the only one that she had was that she liked spending time with the vice captain and he hadn’t seen hardly any movies. So as a movie nerd that made way too many references to her favorite movies when she was growing up that she’d watch with her parents during movie nights.

“I just like talking with him he’s really nice and I like hearing his laugh at things that I find funny. That was the reason that I started showing him my favorite movies when I was a little kid. Tonight we’re doing a mockumentary double feature of A Mighty Wind and This Is Spinal Tap. I think that he’s going to prefer This Is Spinal Tap honestly but I prefer A Mighty Wind because it was my first one that my dad showed me when I was a kid.” Brandon chuckled a little bit at the fact that Dot always was the first to defend herself against the feelings that she had for their vice captain. 

“You know you don’t work directly under him. We work under captain Ashido so you could tell him how you feel and nothing would be bad about it. Besides, he thinks that you’re beautiful just trust me on that.” Dot shook her head animatedly putting her things into her satchel and sighing heavily looking at her friend. 

“Please just.. don’t okay Brandon? I don’t want to talk about it it’s not something that I like talking about. I know that it’s pathetic and that I totally dug my own grave by showing him my favorite movies but I couldn’t help it. He never judges me for liking something and I’ve had too many people over the years judge me for my favorite things so forgive me if I’d rather enjoy this while it lasts.” Brandon smiled sadly at his friend putting his hand onto her shoulder since he knew that she had loved and lost a lot of people in her life.

“I just don’t see the point in denying yourself happiness when he’s right there and wants to spend all of his free time with you. Besides you’re not exactly subtle and you’re always staring at him anyways so he’s bound to notice that at some point or he probably already has.” Dot sighed heavily since she had a good idea that he had already noticed how generally pathetic she was when it came to him.

“I’ve got to get going I’ll see you tomorrow Brandon try to not get into too much trouble without me around okay?” Brandon shrugged his shoulders seeing the small wistful smile on her face as she went down the stairs towards her dorm room where she kept her television and her movies that she was planning on showing her friend. They only did this once a week every Friday but it was what made Friday her favorite day of the week because she got to show off her favorite movies. And these movies were ones that she had grown up with and she loved getting to rewatch them. Soshiro Hoshina saw Dot go skipping down the stairs from Captain Ashiro’s operations division and he couldn’t help but laugh a little bit at her antics mostly just because she was so cute when she got happy about her favorite things. 

“You excited about movie night Saito?” Dot nodded her head animatedly unlocking her dorm room door and Hoshina went inside smiling softly at all the pictures that Dot had of her family and her friends that she had made here. 

“I am actually! It’s going to be a double feature tonight hence why I wanted to start it earlier than usual. These are two very specific movies that I grew up watching probably way too young. They have a lot of adult jokes and sexual references but my dad he loved the music in them. Said that even though they were parodies of that musical genre that they didn’t really have to be as good as they were. We had a never ending debate of which one we liked more because we both had individual favorite ones.” Hoshina listened as Dot dimmed the lights in her dorm room and he couldn’t help but feel grateful that she had always remembered that he was somewhat light sensitive. 

“You’ve definitely heard me reference both of them because they’re so quotable to everyday life to me. We’re going to start with the one that was my dad's favorite of the two of them. He used to love this movie so much that he would pick it to watch for movie night at least once a month, it drove my mom bonkers but she always let him get away with it. Now whenever I watch it, it makes me think of him.” Dot got out the movies that she would be showing her friend and Hoshina looked at them. “These are parody films, they’re called mockumentaries. They’re basically actors playing characters while acting like they’re real people. One of them is a 80’s heavy metal hairband that was my brother’s favorite This Is Spinal Tap and my favorite is A Mighty Wind about a group of folk musicians coming together for a reunion concert to pay respects to their former manager after he passes away. The music is so good in both they mean so much to me and I just find them so comforting and wacky.” Hoshina couldn’t help but smile lovingly at the rambling of his friend that meant so much to him. He never really thought that he would have the time in his life to find someone that he could love as they were but when he had started getting closer to Dot Saito and got to know her love of her favorite movies and media, he was an absolute goner.

“They both sound great I can’t wait to see them. I brought snacks as well!” Dot let out a breath of relief since after the day she had she needed snacks and just some time with her friend watching her childhood favorite movies that she still owed a lot of her adult personality to. 

“Thank you for getting the snacks I really need them right now it’s been a long week. But I’m excited to get to show you these! It’s been a while since I’ve watched either of them and I love both these movies so much.” Dot turned on the tv and got This Is Spinal Tap set up smiling softly when she saw the familiar characters on the front of the case. 

“My childhood favorite character was Nigel Tufnel something that my dad often teased me about. He knew that Nigel was one of my first fictional crushes when I was a kid.” Dot pressed play on the dvd as she leaned against the back of the couch crossing her ankles and grabbing her popcorn that Hoshina had brought with him that were candy coated. 

“Well now I’m intrigued to see what kid you was interested in as your type~” Dot flushed a light pink with a small laugh rolling her eyes at her friend’s goofy antics.

“I’m going to start regretting my life decisions in five minutes aren’t I? Mostly because you are never ever in a million years going to let me live this down.” Dot whined and Hoshina just laughed brightly at his friend grabbing his ice cream pint and he shook his head at her because he would never purposefully make fun of her for something that she was self conscious of. 

“I would never tease you about something if you didn’t want me to Saito, that’s not the kind of person that I am. You should know better than that.” Hoshina playfully pouted and Dot nodded her head with a small sigh already resigning herself to her fate that she would have to deal with so many jokes because she would never shut up about how much she loved this character. 

“Do as you will, do your worst. I can’t promise that I won’t ever come back at you though once I find out what your type is.” Dot lightly joked and Hoshina couldn’t help but falter a little bit in his teasing because if Dot ever did figure out that his type was cute girls that talked endlessly about their favorite things then she would very easily put two and two together and figure out that he had fallen in love with her but was now to in deep to really do anything about it. He’d never felt this way about anyone so he had no clue how to ask someone out or how to cope with feeling this way. 

“So none of this is real right?” Hoshina asked a few minutes in just to clarify and Dot nodded her head with a small smile on her face. 

“Yeah these are all actors playing these roles, my mom's favorite is Michael McKean he’s insanely talented, he’s the blonde one the lead singer. Nigel is next to him he’s played by Christopher Guest.” Hoshina nodded his head with a small chuckle at the ridiculous and quirky lyrics. He couldn’t’t help but laugh brightly at the the idea of the New Originals and the various other genres of music that the band had tried out. 

“The drummers all died in mysterious ways- I kind of love that! A freak gardening accident, chocking on someone’s vomit, that’s so funny.” Dot laughed at her friend nodding her hand animatedly since that had been one of her older brother’s favorite jokes.

“My dad’s a drummer so he found that joke hilarious because he related a lot to that one.” Dot couldn’t help but laugh brightly when Nigel rolled up the window on the limo to tune out the rambling driver. 

“You know I can so see you doing something like that if you don’t want to interact with someone-“ Dot lightly kicked at her friend’s legs puffing her cheeks out because even if she knew that Hoshina was right that was still a rude thing to say.

“That’s so rude! I would not do something like that. Okay maybe I would if I was really having a bad day but when I was a kid that would be absolutely something that I did to my parents sometimes if they were arguing in the car that happened a lot..” Dot laughed at the memory leaning against the back of the couch and she couldn’t help but laugh brightly the goofy lyrics to Big Bottoms Drive Me Out Of My Mind. Hoshina laughed with his friend as he could help but laugh at them along with her.

“This is actually such a unique idea for how to make a movie though I can see this being something your brother would love. Is Nigel wearing a Gumby shirt?!“ Dot nodded her head with a bright smile on her face as she played with the ends of her ribbons. 

“Yes, yes he is. He wears a couple of Gumby items. As a kid I used to think that he was autistic that was probably how I related and how I fell in love with these characters. He was my comfort crush when I was growing up I guess because I related to him and his emotions that he goes through during the movie when it comes to his relationship with David.” Dot explained with a small laugh since that was always her debate that she would get into with her dad whenever they got to discussing their movies of choice. Hoshina nodded his head understandingly since that made perfect sense to him. Dot's crushes were people that she found cute and relatable when she was growing up. 

“Okay but that’s the cutest thing in the world. That makes so much sense- he’s childish but also cares and doesn’t want things to change too fast I’m realizing that now.” Dot nodded her head as the main ‘conflict’ of the movie came into play that being the introduction of David’s girlfriend who had a lot of changes that she wanted to make to the team. 

“My dad would always joke that I would probably wind up finding someone that I would be able to share these movies with. They were really important to me when I was a kid and I loved watching them with him. Even if I asked him all the time whether or not they were real when I was a kid and I’d tell him that I wanted to go to a Folksmen and Mitch and Mickey concert, he would always say that he’d take me anyways. They’re from A Mighty Wind I didn’t watch this one until I was slightly older, maybe eleven?” Dot nodded her head since she had been a bit older because her dad told her a bit later on that he didn’t want the music to be too loud for her and wanted for her to understand the adult sense of humor a bit more. 

“I can see that though because the music isn’t the stuff that you’d normally listen to.” Hoshina noted and Dot nodded her head with a small half-smile on her face playing with the ends of her hair.

“That’s because I don’t listen to this music a whole lot, I’d rather listen to the Mighty Wind soundtrack. My dad used to jokingly call me Sissy Knox one of the characters in that movie especially once I started wearing my hair in pigtails like her’s. But you’ve definitely heard me humming the music from that movie. I just thought that you would prefer this one and I do find it really, really funny but the only thing I absolutely love about it is Nigel- oh and Rock N’ Roll Creation is really, really good. You’ve probably heard me humming that one.” Hoshina nodded his head when he heard the song since he had heard her humming that one but mainly Nigel’s verse that he had towards the bridge of the song.

“I’ve heard you humming Nigel’s part of that song before.” Dot flushed a light pink and sputtered before realizing that it was pointless debating her friend on something that she knew was true. 

“Alright alright you’ve caught me. Oh here’s something funny, on the actual album it is all in black. When I showed that to my parents we laughed about it for a little while.” Hoshina chuckled a little bit at the fact that Dot was clearly raised by people that were exactly like her. Kind, upbeat, funny, quirky, a little bit odd but always coming from this place of kindness. 

“Your parents sound like they were exactly like you. You still send them a portion of your checks don’t you?” Dot nodded her head animatedly since she did send a good chunk of her paychecks back to her parents. It was her own little way of showing her gratitude for them and the way that they raised her. 

“They did the best that they could to raise me, I honestly never really made it easily but they did a lot for me. Mostly gave me my love of film and gave me that way of expressing myself because if I was going to express myself any way they would have wanted it to be through film. They often speak fluently in movie quotes so if you’ve ever wondered where I got that bad habit from I got it from them.” Hoshina laughed at Dot’s light complaints about the fact that her parents had raised her to be uniquely herself because he wouldn’t have wanted for her to be any other way than the way that she came. 

“I can’t imagine that you were a difficult child at all but I know that they must love you more than anything in the world. I mean you are a really lovable sort of person.” Dot flushed a bright pink trying to remain herself that was just the kind of person that Hoshina was. He was a chronic flirt and loved getting a rise out of people and it didn’t mean that he found her lovable in his way, it just meant that he found her platonically lovable. That was all. 

“You say that with all the personal bias in the world. I’m onto you Hoshina.” She joked just trying to deflect and try to relax after being overly flustered but she already knew that she wouldn’t really be able to fight her feelings for much longer. She would have to come forward and be honest about her feelings eventually. 

“I do not! I’m just telling it like I see it. You’re the kind of person that would give her entire self to someone that was going through something just because they needed your help. I’ve seen you do it so I know that’s the kind of person that you are. I love that about you though and I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.” Dot sighed heavily using her hands to cover her face as she let out a silent scream and hoped to god that she would just get through these movies alive. She could disassociate from her romantic situation tomorrow but right now she wanted to be here but she just was getting too embarrassed to be here. 

“You okay there Saito?” Dot nodded her head animatedly uncovering her face as she shook her head animatedly crossing her ankles together and putting her popcorn, pretzels, and chips in front of her deciding that she wanted to eat everything in front of her rather than focus on her unrequited love. 

“I’m good! Yep all good over here no need to worry.” Dot pressed her index fingers together but Hoshina raised his eyebrow at her knowing that she was trying to cover something up. 

“Saitoooo you don’t have to lie to me, did that make you uncomfortable? I’m sorry if that was too flirty for you to handle. I like ya and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Hoshina put his hand onto Dot’s shoulder and she shook her head animatedly since really he didn’t be too flirty with her, she was just socially awkward at the best of times. 

“I’m really fine Hoshina, sorry I’m just.. tired but I do want to spend time with you. I love movie night Fridays they’re my favorite nights because they’re the only ones where you allow yourself to take a break and breathe for a little while. You didn’t make me uncomfortable could you just- go back to your spot please?” Hoshina sighed heavily going back to the other side of the couch even though he didn’t really want to go. Dot let out a breath of relief at the fact that she was left alone again where she could just be with her friend and not have to worry about spontaneously combusting.

“You don’t need to lie to me, I’m sorry that you got flustered and embarrassed.” Dot shook her head animatedly sighing heavily deciding that it was best to be as forward as she could possibly allow herself to be. 

“Okay, okay you got me Hoshina you flustered me with the praise alright? I know that I’m not that lovable of a person you just got me embarrassed that’s all.” Hoshina blinked a little bit with a small expression of confusion on his face his head cocked to the side. 

“But you are though? You are perfectly lovable just as you are. Pause the movie.” Dot reached for the remote to pause the movie and Hoshina turned his attention towards her. 

“Since you’ve joined the operations division under Ashiro things have been running so much smoother ever since then. You bring so much life and vibrancy into the space and since you’ve joined everyone seems to be having so much fun. You bring fun and laughter wherever you go whether it be with one of your perfectly timed movie references or jokes. Ever since you’ve joined I’ve found myself able to relax a lot more and have more fun. This is the highlight of my week because I get to spend time one on one with you. You are amazing whether or not you notice how amazing you are well I’ll just keep having to tell you that. And you are insanely lovable, the most lovable person that I’ve ever met.” Dot couldn’t help but smile softly at her friend knowing that he was being honest with her and that he wasn’t bullshitting her.

“Thank you Hoshina, that means a lot to me coming from you. I know that you genuinely mean that and you aren’t just telling me to try and make me feel better. I.. I like having this time with you too it’s a nice way to unwind.” Dot smiled softly at her friend and Hoshina let out a breath of relief since it did seem like Dot did believe what he was telling her. 

“I never really had the time to watch movies when I was growing up since I was just expected to train more and more until I eventually became good enough to be on my brother’s level and even then I feel like I never really succeeded on that. But getting to experience your favorite movies that you’re always talking about they make me realize just how good movies are and how comforting they can be. Especially the goofy ones like this one that can make you forget for a little while.” Dot laughed a little bit since she knew that her friend would be obsessed with this movie it was just something that was right u his alley. 

“Growing up these movies were how I grew to look at the world. They were something that I took life lessons from and how I better learned to understand people around me. Especially the second one that one was pretty much my entire childhood.” Dot pressed play and couldn’t help but laugh as one of her favorite jokes and references was coming up, Nigel trying to deal with the food in the green room and not being able to make his sandwich.

“I have definitely heard you reference that- that’s one that you use all of the time to make yourself laugh when you’re feeling socially awkward at group functions. Usually Brandon is the only one that fully gets the joke.” Dot shrugged her shoulders since if she had learned anything growing up the best way to make people like you was to be funny. To bring that little bit of levity to every situation if you did that then people would like you. 

“That’s because Brandon has seen a lot of the movies that I have so usually he does the lines with me to make me feel more.. at ease I guess? I learned pretty quickly growing up that if you make the people around you laugh then they would keep coming back for more. That was the easiest way to get people to like me and I accepted that I was the funny one that used my movie references to make other people laugh. If it meant that I blurt out a wha’ happen’ or I can’t do my work whenever the slightest inconvenience happens then that’s what I did. Those are both references to A Mighty Wind, I’ve been saying those things since I was.. probably around nine? Yeah that tracks.” Hoshina leaned his hand on his cheek getting more absorbed in Dot’s relationship with the movies that she loved rather than the movie that he should be watching currently. Sometimes that was just what happened though was he would get distracted by what Dot was talking about and would forget that he was supposed to be watching the movie. It wasn’t until he heard Dot’s bright laugh at the scene on screen that he remembered that he was supposed to be watching the movie. 

“Also the part where the stagehand has to help Nigel back up from the ground kills me Every. Single. Time. I see it.”  Dot laughed brightly at her favorite comfort character taking a handful of her popcorn as she poured some of the bag into her hands. 

“I also know that you quote the turn it up to eleven- that’s the cutest thing in the world.” Hoshina smiled softly at his friend leaning against the couch tying her hair back. Hoshina watched the movie and sighed heavily when he saw that David was bringing in his girlfriend just like Dot had told him. 

“You could see that he doesn’t want her there since the idea of change just freaks him out. Now they’re having a bunch of bickering sessions that’s awful- I can honestly see a lot of your reactions to things in the way that Nigel reacts to things.” Dot nodded her head with a small smile on her face since that had been one of her childhood favorite relatable characters.

“EXPLODING ON STAGE-" Dot laughed brightly nodding her head with a small smile on her face since that had been one of her favorite jokes. 

“That’s one of my favorite running ones! The fact that they���re just like dozens of people spontaneously combust each year like it’s a fact.” Dot sighed heavily seeing Jeanine and wishing that she could just give Nigel a hug since she had been in that situation more times than she could count. 

“I also say how much blacker could this get, none black sometimes just to make myself laugh.” Hoshina laughed brightly as the bass guitarist was trapped in the enclosure and couldn’t get out right as the song was ending and right when it opened they all went back into the enclosure anyways. 

“That’s just so funny to me, I’m sorry right as the song ends he finally gets out and has to try to get back in!” Hoshina laughed brightly and Dot nodded her head animatedly since that was one of her favorite visual gags in the movie. It had been one of the ones that she laughed at the most whenever she decided to rewatch it with her parents. 

“That’s one of my favorite visual gags in all film honestly, second only to when the woman picks up the wrong man instead of picking Chong she picks up some random dude in Up In Smoke.” Hoshina nodded his head animatedly since that had been one of their first movie nights that they had together. 

“Okay so I have a question Saito, do you think that Nigel has feelings for David?” Dot hummed in thought nodding her head because that honestly made so much sense to her and she’d always felt that way.

“I’ve always thought that honestly because he just hates Jeanine so much even though David says that they’re similar and maybe they are but I’ve always thought that they were too totally different people. They have a lot of tension once she gets there so I’ve always debated that with my parents of whether or not Nigel was in love with David and just thought that he couldn’t be with him. Because he was good until she got there.” Dot nodded her head with a small smile on her face this was why she loved watching movies with Hoshina since he always had interesting perspectives on things.

“Oh my god them getting lost in the arena- that’s so funny to me I can so see that happening to you-" Dot gasped over dramatically at Hoshina turning to face him and she couldn’t help but feel absolutely called the hell out. 

“It’s not my fault that I suck absolute ass with directions, I get confused! I get lost and especially when someone gives me complicated directions. I just need someone that’s not as directionally challenged as I am. Besides you’re my GPS so if I stay with you then I’ll be fine.” Dot lightly joked and Hoshina flushed a light pink as she called that a win for a win for herself since she had finally gotten her back. 

“Wait, wait is this where you take the no we’re not gonna fucking do stone henge from-“ Dot nodded her head animatedly since that was one of her lines as Hoshina watched the scene realizing that Nigel had written inches instead of feet onto the piece of paper. 

“Oh no that’s bad that’s not going to be good at all Saito he just wrote inches instead of feet didn’t he?” Dot nodded her head with a small smirk as she watched the scene play out in front of her. Hoshina couldn’t help but laugh brightly when he saw the actual stage performance play out. 

“This has to be your favorite song though because it’s Nigel’s song.” Dot nodded her head head animatedly shrugging her shoulders since it was her favorite song. She loved it because it was something that was purely Nigel’s creativity. 

“It is my favorite because it’s something that was purely Nigel. I love that scene it’s so funny and quirky.” Dot couldn’t help but feel the rage when David insulted Nigel’s intelligence and it always made her irritated. Even though they were just characters played by actors she always felt insulted by David. 

“I hate that he just undermined his intelligence though that hurts me probably because the two of you are so similar and I hate that.” Dot let out a breath of relief nodding her head animatedly since she’d always hated that David was so quick to undermine Nigel’s intelligence. 

“Thank you, thank you that always pisses me off and now they’re so far distant from each other because she shoved herself into that situation and I fully blame her for what happens to Nigel later on. I hate that he just called him out like that. And then right after she inserts herself into that Nigel starts losing his temper with David.” Dot sighed heavily crossing her ankles together as things started to fall apart with Nigel and the rest of the movie.

“Yeah this is exactly what happens when you get into a bad situation you start to get frustrated with everything going on and that just causes you to become more and more irritable which is totally understandable. And there he goes, there he goes.” Dot sighed heavily nodding her head since that was always something that broke her heart when Nigel left the band it always hurt her.

“Do I really react like that sometimes?” Hoshina nodded his head with a small smile on his face since even though Dot did react like that when things went sidewise sometimes she was easy to placate and calm back down again. He didn’t mind that about her that when she got frustrated she would lose her temper to irritation since he could always bring her back and calm her back down.

“It’s rare that it gets that bad you’re always easy for me to placate and bring back down. I don’t you losing yourself sometimes when things get irritating for you to handle, besides it’s rare that sort of thing happens anyways now that you can rely on your full team.” Dot smiled brightly when at the end of the movie things shifted to the tore in Japan where Nigel was back with the group. She loved this group of quirky characters more than anything in the entire world.

“I think that was actually a really good and entertaining, I love that so much the fact that you grew up with it only makes it better.” Dot stood up and she went and grabbed the other movie that they were going to watch and her personal childhood favorite. 

“Alright I’m very excited to see what your favorite one’s style of humor was like since I can so see why you loved that one so much.” Dot nodded her head animatedly turning it up a little bit so that she could hear it easier. She put up her popcorn but kept the pretzels and chips around her. 

“Wait wait, I’ve definitely heard you humming that song! That’s the cutest thing in the world  I have absolutely heard you humming that song while you’re working. The Folksmen are they your favorite group?” Dot nodded her head animatedly blushing a light pink and pressing her index fingers together a little bit embarrassed.

“They are actually my personal favorite but I love Mitch and Mickey as well but the Folksmen they’re the same actors as David, Nigel’s and Derek.” Hoshina blinked rapidly and the look of shock on his face caused Dot to laugh at him. Dot pointed out which character was played by which actor and Hoshina shook his head animatedly. 

“Sorry just give me a moment to process, that’s so weird to me holy moly. That’s amazing though that they were so good at changing their impressions. They are my favorite group, the joke about the records is a family running joke that we have definitely.” Dot laughed brightly with a small smile on her face and Hoshina couldn’t help but laugh a little bit at the fact that was just so cute. 

“I have actually heard you say that if you poke a hole it you’d have a great time.” Dot stuck her tongue out at her friend rolling her eyes at his antics since that was something that she would quote when the situation called for it.

“Ten years and thirty albums- that’s three albums per year! How old were you when you watched this?” Dot hummed in thought trying to think back to how old she was when she had first watched the movie that she grew up with.

“I think that I was six? But don’t quote me on that I’m pretty sure that’s how old I was.” Dot smiled softly as she got sucked into her favorite movie that she had grown up with. 

“That’s another song that I’ve heard you humming before, they’re so cute though. That’s adorable I can see them being one of your childhood favorites too.” Hoshina noticed about the romantic duo and she nodded her head with a small smile on her face. 

“They were one of my favorite sad romances when I was growing up. They don’t wind up together but it’s okay because they’ll always care about each other. They cared about each other but sometimes loving someone isn’t enough.” Dot reasoned looking over at her friend and smiling softly at him as she ran her hand through her hair putting her snacks away.

“I can’t believe you were watching this movie when you were a kid but I can see that. Did you ever think that these were real bands?” Dot rubbed the back of her neck a little bit with a small smile on her face as she pressed her index fingers together. 

“Um yes? Whenever I would watch this movie when I was a kid I would ask my dad when the Folksmen and Mitch and Mickey would be near us and he would always tell me that they weren’t a real actual band. That these were just actors interacting off of each other and playing music together. But they all learned how to play these instruments and they all sang these songs.” Hoshina nodded his head looking at the movie in front of him and seeing the way that Mitch and Mickey interacted off of each other.

“I love that though even though they’re not on good terms really they’re still coming back together to make this work. Wait this is where you took dessert talk from?!” Dot nodded her head with a small laugh rubbing the back of her neck a little bit. 

“It is where I took this might be good dessert talk from, I always thought that was so funny. She’s one of my favorite characters in this, remember her from Beetlejuice? If I’m not allowed to express myself I will go insane and I will take you with me!” Dot interpreted and Hoshina couldn’t help but laugh openly since he totally remembered her now he thought that voice felt familiar but he couldn’t place it really.

“Their love story is so sweet though I can see them being one of your childhood favorites when it comes to your favorite things. He’s so intense though and I can see why that would be a lot for someone to deal with.” Dot nodded her head and she started singing under her breath as it changed to Never Did No Wanderin’ since that had been one of favorite songs growing especially the version that The Folksmen did. 

“WAIT that’s where you took Now-Tro from?!” Dot nodded her head animatedly with a bright smile since this was her favorite role of that actor.

“It is actually where I took Now-Tro from since I found it funny as a kid. There’s a lot of things that I took from this movie because I just found it to be funny and ridiculous. It’s a comfort to me so you’ll remember a lot of lines that I stole from it.” Dot laughed openly at the fact that her friend had absolutely called her out for referencing this movie frequently.

“Sissy Knox is actually one of my favorite characters I love her so much she’s so cute. My dad often will teasingly call me Sissy Knox because he told me that I reminded him of the bright and bubbly member of the toothpaste commercial band. That’ll make more sense later on.” Dot shrugged her shoulders and Hoshina couldn’t help but laugh a little bit at the bubbly and sunshine energy that exuded from the character. Dot flapped her hand animatedly as she pointed at the screen. 

“I took so many of my references from this character, his actor Fred Willard was so funny to me when I was a kid and I just thought that he was so ridiculous.” Hoshina nodded his head with his gaze transfixed on the screen and as soon as Hoshina heard the character yell ‘Hey Wha Happen?!’ He automatically knew what Dot was talking about. 

“That’s where you took that from! I love that so much though that’s so cute, I can’t do my work too! And I don’t think so, you always say that like that I never would’ve guessed that you took that from these movies.” Dot pressed her index fingers together as she had been absolutely called out by her friend. 

“I took them because as a kid since I was something that I found comforting. I would use hey wha happen’ whenever something would go wrong around my friends. My dad especially found it funny whenever I would comedically shout I can’t do my work and he would yell back what work are you trying to do?!” Dot laughed a little bit at the memory since that had been one of her favorite jokes.

“I’m realizing something though, Mitch looks really unfocused until he’s looking at Mikey singing. As soon as she’s singing then he looks a lot more focused because he just loved her that much. And even though that didn’t work out between the two of them they still love each other.” Dot nodded her head animatedly since she’d always noticed that despite all of the mental and emotional turmoil that her favorite characters had been through they still cared about each other deeply. To her that’s what love was, it meant sacrificing some things so that the other person could be happy. And she was sacrificing a lot just so that Hoshina would stay happy for her.

“Love to me is about sacrifice if you truly love someone then you’ll let them go and be happy elsewhere even if it’s without you around in a romantic way. My parents loved each other obviously they did if they had me and they’re still together today. But I never really thought that romance was for me. I’d probably be too much for my partner honestly. I talk too much and it’s hard to keep track of everything that I say.” Hoshina looked towards his friend with his head slightly cocked to the side since that was the first time that he was hearing about that. 

“Sounds like you’re speaking from experience Saito you don’t gotta tell me about it if you don’t want to but I think that if anyone’s deserving of love then you are because you are a very lovable and loving kind of person and I think that anyone that gets to fall in love with you they’re very lucky. You’re a very unique and lovable person who would do anything for the people in your life and I think that someday someone will love you as you are. Maybe someone already does and they’re just good at hiding it because they don’t really know what to do with the feelings that they have since that’s not how they were raised.” Dot felt tears come to her eyes at the fact that she was able to read between those lines and for the first time she saw it. She saw that she wasn’t the only one that felt this way and that for the first time in her life, Dot wasn’t alone in having romantic feelings for someone. She was seen where she was and that same person felt the same way about her. Now the ball was in her court and it was up to her to say something about the way that she truly felt about her friend. 

“Throughout much of my teen years and going into my adult life every single time that I caught feelings for someone it never worked out. I wound up in a lot of.. toxic situationships because of it. Where we weren’t exactly dating but there was definitely some.. non-platonic things going on. I had a former friend tell me that it made sense that I’d never get a boyfriend because I was selfish and I talked too much about myself and my own interests. So I just assumed that I wasn’t cut out for romance because of things that people told me I guess.” Dot shrugged her shoulders pausing the movie since it was clear that her friend was missing a lot of the movie because of their intense conversation. Hoshina blinked a little bit trying to understand what his friend was telling him. Even though she had always been so kind it was clear that people from Dot’s past had taken advantage of that kindness and he felt this surge of protectiveness going through him that told him to instantly just hold her and tell her how wrong her former friend and past situationships were and how they treated her shouldn’t be how you treat another person. 

“Saito-nah Dottles, your friends that wasn’t right the way that they treated ya. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way by people that you cared about. Especially ya former friend, if she had known the stuff that you’d been through then she’d know how wrong that is especially to say that to someone else who probably didn’t ask for any of that. You deserve better and ya deserve to have someone that loves ya and accepts you as you are. Quirks and all because I- I don’t mind that ya talk a lot. I like hearing you talk about the things that you love and hearing you talk about your interests and your favorite movies. I like being with ya like this when you’re not so tense and your not so stressed out. I like getting to experience these things that you love so much and getting to laugh with ya because your laugh is beautiful. Getting to see these little pockets of yer life before I met you they make me happy.” Dot flushed a bright pink at the shortening of her first name. Nobody had ever shortened her first name like that because her name was already short enough and it didn’t require a nickname out of her name. But the fact that Hoshina had thought of a way to give her a cute nickname that was unique to him anyways meant everything to her.

“I should know because.. I love ya. And I don’t want you to have to change for anyone least of all for me. I want you to be happy instead it doesn’t gotta be with me it could e with anyone. I like just sitting here and talking with ya your my favorite person to talk to. I want to be with you but I don’t care that you don’t feel the same way that I do right now. I  just want you to know my feelings.” Dot blinked a little bit inching her lower arm and wincing at the pain that went through her arm.

“You wait- you love me? Really? You love me? Soshiro don’t mess with me I couldn’t take it off you were messing with me.” Hoshina cocked his head to the side with a small smile on his face as he tentatively scooted closer to Dot.

“Of course I love ya, I thought that I was being super obvious with how I felt about you because I always wanted to be with you and talk with ya. You’re so beautiful, cute, funny, sweet, and you’re always so bright and happy. I love ya I didn’t plan on saying anything to you since I didn’t want to lose yer friendship or anything.” Dot blinked a little bit in surprise and she reached over and took Hoshina’s hand in her’s squeezing it softly. 

“I love you too, I have since I was first starting out here and started doing my work here. Even though you didn’t know any of my favorite things I’ve had so much fun getting to introduce my favorite things to you. You make me laugh every single day and I love laughing with you, getting to watch my favorite movies and experience them with you has been one of the biggest joys that I’ve ever had.” Dot ran her and through her hair with a small smile on her face and Soshiro held her hand squeezing it with a small smile on his face.

“I never really thought that I’d find someone that I loved as much as I love you. You’re just so cute.” Hoshina lightly squeezed Dot’s cheeks with a small smile on his face.

“Stop that you nutcase- you keep squishing my cheeks!” Dot protested with kicking her legs in irritation with a bright laugh as Hoshina completely ignored her and kept squishing her cheeks anyways.

“I can’t help it, you look so cute when you get irritated like that it’s too easy to lightly tease you. You’re so precious I’m sorry I can’t help but tease ya just a little bit.” Dot laughed at her friend hugging him tightly uncaring that she was being too clingy she was just wanting to be near him right now. Hoshina blinked a little bit not expecting the hug but he easily reciprocated the hug clinging to her just as much as she was to him.

“You can press play again, we’ll talk after the movie is over I know that this is one of your favorites sorry for interrupting.” Dot shook her head animatedly grabbing the remote and keeping her arms around Hoshina’s waist to stop him from going back to his original spot. He couldn’t help but laugh openly at the idea at the ‘witches in natures color’ idea.

“That’s where you took the you’d make that conclusion walking down the street or going to the store whenever somebody says something particularly nuts! I never would have known that you took so much from this movie. You comfy over there?” Dot looked up at her friend with a small half-hearted glare that Hoshina could’t help but laugh at a little bit. 

“I would be more comfortable if my pillow stopped making so much racket.” Dot smiled softly when she heard the familiar sounds of Loco Man that she loved because it reminded her of her dad’s ridiculous antics.

“My dad loves that song! It’s one of his favorite songs since much to my mom’s protesting one of his favorite instruments is the banjo and he always thought that it was a really creative idea to use the banjo in a Jamaican style number.” Dot explained with a small smile and Hoshina nodded his head understandingly hearing the familiar sounds of A Kiss At The End Of The Rainbow a song he already knew since it was one that Dot sang a lot to herself. 

“That’s where this song comes from it’s so pretty, and just the way that he looks at her even though they’re not good for each other you can see a time when they were good for each other what that would have been good for one another.” Dot nodded her head animatedly since this had been one of her favorite songs when she was a little kid it was comforting to her and she’d use it to self soothe during storms and other times of trauma when she was growing up and didn’t want to bother her parents. 

“When I was a kid I would use that song as a way to.. I guess soothe myself? It worked during storms quite a bit since I’m afraid of thunder, still am to this day. I hate thunder or loud noises in general.” Dot laughed a little bit rubbing the back of her neck and Hoshina’s arms tightened around her protectively. 

“Is that why you always flinch when someone yells into the comms?” Dot nodded her head since even though it was a silly fear it was still one of the few things that she was genuinely afraid of either than spiders.

“I’m also terrified of spiders but you know that already due to the loud screaming that I always let out whenever I see even a tiny one in the operations area.” Dot whined and Hoshina couldn’t help but laugh a little bit at his friend’s rather adorable fear of spiders. He always was there with a quick paper towel and cup method to let the spider back outside.

“This is where you took that were you planning on studying it later, just kinda academically then- you say that to some of the younger operations people when they’re still learning and won’t read the pamphlets that Okonogi makes.” Dot cackled with a small smile on her face nodding her head animatedly since that had been one of her favorite running jokes that she’d made with her dad. 

“I also use we have one brain between the two of us when it comes to me and Brandon since he’s oftentimes the other side of my brain where he’ll be thinking the same thing that I am.” Hoshina couldn’t help but laugh a little bit since he couldn’t help but smile softly at her. He loved watching Dot bond with the other members of Ashiro’s operations division.

“I love them so much though they’re still so cute even if they aren’t together romantically anymore they’re still people that truly understand one another. I think that Mickey is the only one that truly gets him even though they can’t be together romantically they still understand each other and look at each other with so much understanding and love. I think that they’re my favorite honestly.” Dot smiled softly at her friend’s perspective as he talked animatedly about why he related to this movie. 

“I totally get that though because they were two of my favorite characters when I was a kid as well.” Hoshina nodded his head animatedly and Dot leaned her head against Hoshina’s shoulder.

“My dad and I have a running joke that my mom’s anxiety is a lot like the son’s where she’s constantly worried about every little possible thing and she hates it when we we tease her about it but I absolutely inherited her anxiety.” Dot laughed a little bit as she talked more about her family and Hoshina watched as Mitch’s anxiety grew bigger and bigger as time went on.

“Oh no he’s totally panicking that’s bad- that’s bad.” Dot nodded her head since this was how she genuinely saw her anxiety. Hoshina sat there watching until The New Main Street Singers came out and instantly Dot saw the small lines of irritation go across his face.

“WAIT they’re playing the same song that the Folksmen were rehearsing how is that allowed?!” Dot nodded head since that had always pissed her off beyond all belief despite her appreciation of Potato’s In A Padywagon for it’s goofy and silly nature.

“This is also where I stole toothpaste commercial from~” Dot laughed a little bit at her friend when Mark Shubb said the iconic line that she often used to refer to modern Disney movies.

“And there he goes he’s going for a walk sometimes that’s what works best for me though too it’s just a good thing for the nerves and the anxiety to just step away for a few minutes and get some air. My dad is the same way, that sort of quiet and soft spoken sort of person. I do love Sissy Knox’s vibe though she’s so cute even though the band isn’t the best she’s so cute.” Dot laughed a little bit and Hoshina fingered one of her ribbons that she tied her hair back with every day. 

“They’re going to do Old Joe’s Place though that’s one of my ultimate favorite songs it just comforts me and I often do one of my favorite jokes with my dad where I’ll walk up to him and just say just look for the busted neon sign that flashes ‘E A O’s’ and he’ll do the laugh with me. It’s just something that we’ve always done.” Dot shrugged her shoulders humming the song and tapping her foot to the beat of one of her childhood favorite songs.

“I’ve always loved to sing this song with my dad in the car too it’s just something that we’ve done since I was a kid. What do you think that Mitch is going to bring back with him on his walk?” Hoshina hummed in thought before his eyes widened at the idea that just struck him. 

“If he brings back a rose I swear to god I’m going to bawl my eyes out.” Dot laughed a little bit when Mitch came back on to the screen carrying a red rose and Hoshina’s eyes welled up with tears as Dot’s arms tightened around him comforting him.

“Her voice is so pretty though, isn’t she also Sally in Nightmare Before Christmas?” Dot nodded her head animatedly not expecting that Hoshina would remember such a simple song in one of her favorite movies. She started humming the main theme under her breath as Hoshina couldn’t help but laugh a little bit at the quirky and outlandish lyrics.

“They’re all so good at singing though even if they’re just singing this stuff as a joke. I feel like Christopher Guest is doing an impression though? He sounds like Frodo of the nine fingers and the ring of doom guy that did the music from The Hobbit and The Lord Of The Rings animated films.” Dot shrugged her shoulders since she actually had no idea if Christopher Guest had taken inspiration from one of her childhood soundtracks or not. 

“I have no clue where he got that from actually but that would be an interesting fun fact if that was true!” Dot smiled softly at her friend’s thoughts since as per usual he was thinking outside of the box and coming up with his own unique ideas. Dot inwardly cringed when she heard Mickey singing songs for her husband and she sighed heavily.

“Poor Mickey honestly I love her though she’s my favorite character. Probably because she’s so strong and so funny, she reminds me of you actually quite a bit. I know that Sissy Knox is your most relatable character but she means a lot to you. Dot smiled softly at her friend since Mickey had always been one of her childhood favorite characters and she couldn’t help but laugh brightly at the last jokes with The Folksmen.

“So it’s the Folksmen and women now? That’s actually so funny though I kind of love that honestly that’s really beautiful though. It’s a really cute and beautiful story about friendship and the support that you’ll give to your friends. Even when you struggle the people that care about you they’ll still be there.” Dot laughed a little bit nodding her head since that was always her thoughts on the movie. That relationships while complicated were worth it in the end because sometimes it brought you to a special person that would understand and accept you as you are. Speaking of being accepted as she was, she was still snuggled up to her longtime crush. 

“Hey Soshiro I um what do you want to do from here?” Hoshina cocked his head to the side with a small smile on his face as he leaned against her side snuggling closer to  her. 

“Well what I want is to take you on a date as soon as possible~ cat cafe as soon as your available?” Dot nodded her head with tears in her eyes as she smiled softly since that sounded like a dream to her. A date with dream guy and cats, sign her up for that yesterday. 

“That sounds amazing A date like that I should probably be well rested for..” Hoshina sighed heavily pressing kisses across Dot’s cheeks as she giggled at his antics.

“Can I kiss ya at least before I leave?” Dot nodded her head tentatively with a bright pink blush on her cheeks hard to believe that any of this was actually happening. Hoshina leaned in and gently kissed Dot cradling her cheeks in his hands and lightly squeezing them before he pulled back and regretfully left her arms. 

“I’ll see ya tomorrow and then we’ll organize that date for once things calm down a little bit and Captain Ashido comes back.” Dot nodded her head with a small smile on her face as she pulled back from the hug giving Hoshina one last kiss before she walked her friend to the front of her room.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Soshiro, try ad get some sleep okay? Don’t just go to the training room and train for the rest of the night. Actually go to sleep, you’re still recovering from your fight with Number 10 and you need all the sleep that you can get.” Dot encouraged and Hoshina sighed heavily knowing that there was no way that he could get out of this. 

“Alright alright I love ya Nia, see you tomorrow. You get some rest too, I look forward to our date~” Hoshina gave Dot one last kiss and couldn’t contain the giddy lovestruck smile on his face even if he wanted to. Dot grabbed her stuffed caterpillar that she had brought with her from home and hugged it tightly as she drifted off to sleep. 

[mariska]

hi queer friends in my phone i hope u have all been having an ok month so far 💖 im sorry i havent been online very much lately, its like 80% just me being forgetful except to hop on my phone app for like ten mins to browse my dash and reblog something and get distracted by another non phone related activity LOL. my bestie Eli is here still until the rest of the month and we finished our rewatch (their first watch, my like......who even knows the specific numbered rewatch) of Avatar The Last Airbender a couple days ago and that was very fun and exciting, it was wild getting to those last few episodes in the final season and just totally getting brought back to being a kid in my head when the show was actively airing on tv and i was sitting in my bedroom exploding from sheer special interest excitement watching the story wrap up on the super small box tv i used to have like 15+ years ago 😭🫡 we haven't started watching Legend Of Korra yet since we just finished ATLA and need to like. take a lil Avatar media break before jumping into another entire finished series fhdhdhsfsshhgd but excited for whenever we start that too!! Eli showed me a fav movie of theirs the other night called Thoroughbreds and i REALLY liked it, fellow toxic yuri enjoyers i truly cannot recommend that one enough those girls have Problems In Abundance and i love that for them and also me.

OH OH OH ALSO on my birthday after we got home from out of house activities we watched that Nic Cage movie 'Dream Scenario' that i've wanted to see so bad since the first trailer for it dropped online a while back, and i am truly not just being dramatic when i say i think that is my favorite movie i've seen this year and it will be Difficult for another movie to win over that 2024 Fav Spot in my mind, it was exactly what i wanted it to be and MUCH MORE LMAOO IT WAS SO GODDAMN FUNNY. very specifically Me And Eli's Kinda Stupid Sense Of Humor throughout the whole run time we were fuckin losing it at every other scene. that was a wonderful lil birthday treat.

also the antique mall we were gonna go to ended up being closed on the day of my birthday so we went to a big mall off-Cape that i like instead and have been to a few other times for past birthdays cus they actually have a bunch of different types of stores with stuff i actually enjoy unlike the more local mall we have here that is 100% dying a slow agonizing Mall Death lmao. went to Build-A-Bear and they had that one bear style in stock that literally just looks like a femme lesbian with the lesbian flag colors and perfect lil eyeliner so i made a Chappell Roan inspired pop star outfit wearing lesbian colored bear (saw someone else online do that a lil while back with the same style i chose so i couldn't resist doing it myself when i saw it was at the store hfsfgsvsgshshdg) and the ppl working there that day were all super chill and friendly and most likely around me and Eli's age or maybe a few yrs younger than us, the person who helped me make my bear specifically was really friendly and fun to talk with cus while we were in there it was pretty much just us and the employees for the majority of the time, he like immediately picked up on me being A Very Obvious Femme Lesbian on account of The Femme Lesbian Bear and also The Very Over The Top Femme Alt Outfit I Was Wearing and we chatted abt being gay and trans while he was stuffing the bear it was such a genuinely sweet and wonderful interaction, he was also autistic and we got to briefly bond over Build-A-Bear being mutual life long autistic special interests of ours and he seemed rly happy to hear that i was turning 27 that day and was still actively wanting to spend birthdays making custom stuffed animals there it was just really great all around 😭💕 also before the mall closed later on we did a quick stop at the FYE store that was there (i always get very excited when i see a still active FYE store anywhere cus it was a childhood fav place of mine to shop but our local mall closed ours when i was a teenager lol) and there was a small stand set up with some ATLA merch and i got a fully functional Momo backpack/crossbody style bag that i am so incredibly psyched about having fjdgedfdhsshfg it is very cute. and anyone who knows me knows i love adding a silly lil functional novelty bag to my collection of silly lil novelty bags. so it will be getting much use from me out in the world

anyways!!! thats pretty much what i've been up to, just figured i would hop on and write a mariska life update so everyone here knows i didnt just like. drop off the face of the earth lol

[labelleizzy]

Today's writing prompt:

How do you define intimacy?

It's funny how difficult this is for me to wrap words around. Because for me intimacy isn't the same as sex not even remotely. Intimacy is primarily, primarily trust, honesty, feeling safe, and vulnerability. Playfulness is an important component as well, affection and love also.

The funny thing is there's a certain level of intimacy that I am totally fine sharing with strangers. Intellectual and emotional intimacy, is sometimes even easier with strangers. I can share stories at various levels, of things that have happened in my life, things that I think, believe, prioritize.

Physical intimacy to one specific point, which is: I love giving hugs. I even receive compliments regularly, and have started volunteering at pride events, with the free mom hugs organization. I'm really good at putting my whole heart into it, my whole attention, and all of the nonverbal comforting things that go into making a really good hug. And that is important to me. To be good at that.

Here's the thing. What I said at the beginning about trust and honesty and feeling safe. People who don't know me, don't know how to keep me safe.

I would love to be open-hearted and free and welcoming on the dance floor, for example I've been a dancer for decades. But if somebody doesn't know me well enough to know that I have an injured knee, and ankle on the same leg. Twice now in the 8 years I've been doing ecstatic dance, a partner flung me into a spin in a way that was painful because they didn't know me. I don't think it did permanent damage in either case, but I won't dance with either of those people again.

I never did date, or fuck, casually. I came of age, during the AIDS crisis in the '80s. When the meta message from the government and advertising and the news was that sex was so dangerous it could kill you. So you better be sure you can trust your partner and you better protect yourself as best as you can.

And now that we have had a global pandemic of massive scale, I don't even feel that I can kiss people casually. unless I know somebody well enough that I won't give offense by asking if they've tested recently?

I lived with such a profound fear in my early dating life. Not just because of AIDS or other STDs, but because the culture was steeped in fictional characters of disposable women. And I didn't realize it at the time. It's only in looking back that I can see how the chronic condition of fear was fertilized with art with rapey motifs, undergrads who are treated like interchangeable pieces of meat, and it's treated like cause for humor. I rewatched one of those John Hughes movies last year and I couldn't believe how shitty all the women characters were treated. (Not even to get into some of the horrible racist stereotypes)

You know I should probably talk to a therapist about this. And makes it hard to have relationships and to make new friends when I truck this around with me.

Intimacy, huh? This is intimacy, this right here. This is honesty, and trust. And it's because I've cultivated my circle here on Tumblr out of decent people, and people who share my values. I have a reasonably high level of confidence that nobody is going to be mierda on my post. Because I remove those people as I find them.

Anyway, well, thanks for listening. I had a tangle in here *thumps sternum gently* and it's better now.