#i definitely will not have forgotten about it by the time im done reading

[joysmileyay]

got rly bored and was going to write my first ever piece of homestuck fanfiction but then i was like wait i cant address this without rereading i dont wanna mischaracterize him here... and so now for the first time in like 3 or 4 fucking years i will be rereading homestuck. so that i can write a very short fic about dave and rose talking on the meteor

[eatmeandbirthmeagain]

I have literally read all you stories and im so so impressed. Im not sure if your taking requests or if. If not than im very sorry. If yes then could you please write one where a modern doctor ends up being reborn as a Nobel princess who is about to marry king baldwin. She could then cure him.

♧ A Better Life - King Baldwin x Reader ♧

♧ Angst ♧

A/N: HELLO FRIENDS!!! I am back officially now!! Exams are over and the school year is done! I am so exited to be back!! Anon thank you so much for this beautiful request. This took me so long and I really hope you like it!!! This was an amazing one to return with, I hope yall enjoy it!!. As always this is based on the film Kingdom Of Heaven not the real historical figures. Enjoy!

TW: Leprosy, Slight mention of blood

Y/n remembered little to nothing from that night.

Simply getting into her car late, well after the sun had set, and driving. Then the lights. Then the crash. Everything else was fuzzy. Even in her life before the crash, the only knowledge she seemed to remember was what she had learnt in medical school all those years ago.

Nothing about her beautiful rooftop apartment where she lived alone. And certainly not the crippling loneliness she dreaded returning to every night after work at the hospital.

------------------------------

Y/n’s eyes flew open and she sat up with a gasp, clutching at her pounding heart. After a few seconds of panic, she looked up at her surroundings.

There was no car, no wreckage, no blood.

Just a plush, white sheeted, four poster bed that held her trembling form. The curtains that hung around the top of the bed shrouded her view of the rest of the room, but from what she could see, an open balcony window allowed sun to shine through and into the large, beautifully decorated stone room.

Confusion soon replaced fear in the young doctor's mind. Was she in a hospital? No, it wasn't sterile enough to be a hospital. There was no beeping of machines, no bustling nurses. Something she was all too familiar with.

She tried to think back to what had happened, but all she could remember was the crash. Nothing else. Y/n pulled back the covers and cautiously stepped out of the bed. She barely got one foot on the ground before the large, wooden doors opened to reveal young woman carrying a tray with an assortment of dishes that y/n had never seen in her life.

“Good morning my lady” the young woman said with a smile, approaching y/n’s bedside.

“Good morning,” the doctor replied, trying to hide the confusion in her voice.

“I hope you are excited for today my lady, everybody in the maids chamber surely is!” the young woman said, her bright eyes practically glowing.

“I'm- excited for what?” y/n replied cautiously.

“Well your wedding of course, everybody has been anticipating this day for months now! Our kingdom will finally have a queen!” she was grinning now, y/n couldn't help but smile despite her confusion.

“Oh- yes! How could I have forgotten” the doctor said, once again attempting to hide the fact she had no idea where she was.

After the maid had left, y/n inspected the food. It looked delicious but eating was the last thing on her mind, for now. She slipped out of the bed to take a look around the room. There were books stacked on a shelf, a desk, a face washing basin and lots and lots of religious imagery, painted in typical pre-renaissance fashion.

Judging by the beautiful stone walls, she was most definitely not in the twenty-first century anymore. Nothing was boring and white. No white walls, no white marble countertops. Everything was handmade. Genuine. It was certainly a changeup from the old routine.

You see, y/n was intelligent. She always had been and on top of this, her years as a surgeon had taught her to act reasonable, calm, and logical even in the most outlandish situations.

Waking up in a different time period after a car wreck was no different.

She had to think of a plan.

“It's morning, people should be expecting me somewhere soon”. Turning to the bookshelf, y/n picked up a book and opened it. Handwritten. In Hebrew.

“That should place me somewhere in Israel, perhaps Jerusalem” she thought.

“And it's definitely before the renaissance, but after the birth of Christ”.

Placing the book back on the shelf, y/n continued to think. She had to figure out where she was and fast.

Y/n turned her attention to the other side of the room. The bed, a couch, and the open balcony doors. Approaching the balcony, y/n looked outside inspecting the area around the building she was in.

Knights. Many knights.

“Medieval “ was the first word that came to mind.

“That should place me somewhere around the 12th century-” was the last thing her mind concluded before the wooden doors opened again.

Six maids came into the room, each carrying something different. Some carried jewelry, some hairbrushes and combs, and others beautiful white fabric that appeared to be some kind of dress.

“Oh my lady, you have barely touched your breakfast!” one of them exclaimed as y/n entered the room from the balcony.

“You will need your strength for today!”

“Oh I'm terribly sorry, I forgot all about it! I was just getting some fresh air, I'm a little nervous” y/n said as calmly as she could, praying that they didn't notice something was off.

“That's alright dear” the oldest of the maids said, “it doesn't matter now because we need to get you dressed! Come, sit” she gestured to a vanity mirror and chair that y/n hadn't even noticed. 

--------------------------------

It felt like hours that the doctor sat in that chair, as the maids worked tirelessly on her hair and face. Braiding and brushing, applying makeup and finally helping her into the beautiful white dress robes.

They fit perfectly, just like a glove. As if they were made for just her and her alone.

“You look immaculate, your majesty,” one of the maids said, taking a step back to admire their future queen. Y/n smiled, for a moment forgetting her predicament.

It felt as though she had lived in this world her entire life.

“Come now darling, we don't want to keep the guests waiting!” the oldest maid said, taking the doctor's hand and leading her towards the door. Y/n followed blindly.

“This should be interesting,” she muttered.

-------------------------------

It was a short walk from her chambers to the church. There were already plenty of people waiting inside. Y/n barely had any time to think before a bouquet of flowers were shoved into her hands and she was walking down the aisle, people standing left and right staring at her.

Taking a deep breath, y/n steadied her hands and continued walking at a slow, measured pace.

“Come on y/n, this has to be the least nerve racking thing you've done all week”.

Looking up, she could see her “future husband” standing at the end of the aisle. It was strange, she couldn't see his face, he was wearing white robes and a veil that shrouded his features almost entirely. But from what she could see, it appeared he was wearing some kind of mask.

Then it all connected.

Not only had y/n taken a myriad of science and math subjects in highschool, she had also taken an ancient history class. One unit had specifically focused on the “Leper King of Jerusalem, Baldwin IV”. This must have been him.

As she approached the end of the aisle, her mind wandered to a patient she had treated with severe leprosy, contracted while he was on a tropical holiday. She remembered how much pain he had been in and her heart broke thinking about this poor king who had gone untreated for so long.

She was only snapped out of her thoughts when she came face to face with her soon to be husband. His eyes met hers and what she thought would have been a neutral feeling (since she did not yet know this man at all) turned quickly to a feeling that she had not experienced in what felt like years.

Love.

The doctor's heart skipped a beat looking into those eyes. Those beautiful, blue eyes. The mask he wore was polished to perfection, the metal was perfectly shaped into sculpted, masculine features.

He was beautiful.

Y/n was far too focused on just how captivating the man who stood before her was to pay any attention to whatever the priest was saying, until once again she was snapped out of thought by the large crowd cheering as they were pronounced husband and wife, in the name of the Lord.

-------------------------------

Later on, the guests had left and all had returned to somewhat calm after a day of celebration. Y/n was slightly shy at first during the celebrations, doing everything in her power to read the room and understand her place in this new world. But after a while, she began to enjoy herself.

Her “husband” had barely spoken a word all day, but she had caught him looking at her as she talked with his sister and associates. She was told by a few maids that after getting changed from her wedding attire, she would go and meet privately with her new husband.

She was nervous, but not even half as nervous as somebody else was...

Baldwin paced up and down his chambers until his legs were in agony. The day had been strenuous on his body and the pacing did not help.

The young king slumped down on his couch, cursing his frail body. He had watched her all day, his wonderful y/n. So full of life, so intelegent, speaking with everyone and enjoying her time while all he could do was sit and watch.

Oh how he had wished to join her, to dance with her, to speak with her, to hear every word her beautiful voice had to say, to look into her eyes. Those perfect eyes.

He hoped that she knew just how much he had fallen for her, even though they had not spoken a single word all day.

He cursed the mask that shrouded his emotions, forcing him to look cold and stern when all he wanted was her to know how warmly and deeply he felt for her. Baldwin sunk deeper into the couch cushions. His body craved sleep, craved a break from the pain. But he couldn't. He had to see her right this instant.

Taking a deep breath, or as deep as his failing lungs could take, the young king sat up and stared down into his hands, anticipating the moment y/n knocked on his door.

He did not have to wait long because no more than a minute after he sat up, a small knock came from the wooden door. Baldwin got to his feet, perhaps too fast. He steadied himself and called for her to enter. Y/n pushed open the door. She looked as beautiful as she did in her wedding dress.

“Good evening your majesty” she said with a graceful curtsey.

“Hello” he replied, suddenly feeling incredibly shy.

Y/n smiled. He was truly adorable. He looked so soft and warm in those robes. Good lord what was she thinking? She had barely met this man and yet she was acting like a teenager in love!

“Would you like to take a seat?” he offered, his voice gentle and kind. “Of course,” she replied. The two sat in silence for a moment. But it was not an awkward silence, more of a comfortable silence as the young couple took each other in.

It wasn't long before they got to talking. Two intelligent, young minds in the same room were bound to connect almost instantly. And that's just what they did.

Y/n tried to not say anything about her “world of the future”. That was until they were brought to the topic of his disease.

“So, you have no issue in being wed to a leper?” Baldwin had asked, his voice growing sad. Her heart broke for him in an instant, remembering how terribly people with his disease were treated at this time.

“Of course I don't” the doctor replied.

Her kind voice soothed something deep inside Baldwin. Something untouched for so many years. His eyes burned with tears but he dare not  let one fall.

“Really?” he asked, his voice breaking slightly.

“Of course! All I see is a beautiful, young man with a bright future. And from what I've heard, you're a wonderful ruler, and I know you will be a wonderful husband too”.

Baldwin smiled beneath the mask. He hoped she could see the smile through his eyes. Y/n took a deep breath before her next choice of words.

“You know, where I come from, lepers can be healed,” she said softly. Baldwin’s eyes widened.

“Truely?” he said in disbelief.

“Yes, but you can not tell anyone”

“I won't, of course! Please, share this with me” the young king said in a hushed voice taking her hands in his.

“Alright. I'm going to need a few things to do it and it may take a while-”

“Please, y/n. I'll do anything” Baldwin was on the verge of tears now. “Now I have you, I have a reason to live. I need to live, please” he begged.

Y/n’s heart sank as his previously strong demeanor shattered into a thousand pieces before her very eyes. As gently as she could, y/n wrapped her arms around her husband, pulling him into a gentle yet firm hug.

At that moment, the young doctor understood why all of this had happened. She was brought here for a reason. To cure this poor young man, to show him the love he deserves and to have a better life by his side.

“I promise Baldwin, I’ll make you well again. No matter what it takes. I'll do it”

[luvmailing]

something's wrong with the morning.

「 tws + notes: no tws, unedited 2 the max, potentially ooc but WHO GAF (me. igaf), he misreads tone over text and it's totally not me projecting, bros just a little anxious and its totally not me projecting, richard "acts of service" grayson in the real, pretty heavily romantic implied but it can be interpreted as platonic becuz we fw that here!!!!! 」

「 gn!reader, can be platonic or romantic <3 」

↳ ft. richard "dick" grayson/nightwing

author's note: yes i am uh. doing More dc stuff. guys im really sorry but its literally leeching off my brain like a parasite i fear. enjoy!!!!!!! ♪(´▽｀) <3 the lyric below is what i based this off of but as usual, GENDER NEUTRAL READER!!!

"and how something's wrong with the morning / when he doesn't phone to say he loves me"

dick has been staring at the text since the minute he received it.

“gm.”

you sent two letters. and a period at the end.

immediately, there's a weird feeling he gets— a pit forming in the depths of his stomach as he reads it over and over again, as if he expects it to magically change in front of his eyes.

you usually send something… more in the morning. you greet him happily and use a silly nickname, he greets you and uses a silly nickname back. it's sort of tradition for the two of you, mainly built on the fact that him being a vigilante leaves very little time for the two of you.

so what the hell happened to that tradition? where’s his “good morning pookie!” or “hope you slept well, sunshine :]” that he's grown so accustomed to?

of course, he has to go on with his day like usual. at least, he's trying his best. to his credit, he does pretty well. after all, dick grayson is a performer at heart! even if it secretly feels like a part of his world just collapsed in on itself, he does not sulk about it.

but to the observant, there's obviously been a shift.

the slightly irritable mood he’s been in? definitely normal. the fact that he’s been swiping away every notification with disinterest if it’s not you? totally nothing.

more astute criminals in blüdhaven are a little off put by the fact that nightwing is still at full quip capacity while hitting just a little harder and being just a teeny bit more bitchy.

there nervous speculation going around that next week he'll be in the discowing fit

nightwing notices that his mask is slipping a bit. but does he care? well... not really. what's more important to him is what's going on inside his head. and he's been thinking— hardcore reflecting on every single recent previous interaction with you, looking back to everything that must’ve made things go wrong.

maybe he should’ve let you win that one argument last monday, even though he’d been pretty certain he was right because you really aren't supposed to stack cards in uno that way.

or maybe “anything’s fine” as a response to you asking what he wanted for dinner was the wrong move— he knew you hated when he didn’t help your indecisiveness.

was it the movie he picked for movie night on your hangout? fuck, that might've been it, you totally hate the main actor. how could he have forgotten?

either way, he’s dead set on the fact he did something to piss you off and now you won’t even greet him good morning.

later in the afternoon, you find a cute little basket on your doorstep containing your favorite flowers, your favorite snacks… and an apology note??

“dick,” you message, “what’s going on?”

he doesn’t reply back. instead, he calls you.

before you can even greet him, his voice chimes in with a whole spiel you didn't expect to be hit with.

“i messed up. i know i did and i should've done better. and i’m so sorry, i wanna make this work and i just— from the bottom of my heart— i really, truly apologize—”

you blink several times at your phone before interrupting. “oookay, woah, woah, woah. let's slow down. the fuck are you apologizing for?”

“...your message this morning.” he mumbles out, barely audible. you can hear the pout in his voice somehow.

“what? the one i typed up while rushing to work?” it’s hard to stifle your laughter. “dude, i just woke up a little late. i promise i still love you.”

he doesn't know whether to feel more relieved that you're not actually upset with him or embarrassed about the drastic, immediate measures he took to make things right. things being absolutely nothing, because obviously you weren't gonna be petty over uno rules, nondecisions, or movies.

"you should come over. we can share the snacks if you get here in time." click.

he'll be at your door the minute patrol is done. not for the snacks though it is a nice bonus but to see you. lord knows you need the time together.

— reblogs always appreciated!

[gemapples]

my new year's artwork won't be done until tomorrow, but i at least wanted to make a little post celebrating it before it turns! see you in 2025 ❤️

going into a personal ramble about my year under the cut. im mostly just talking to the void but feel free to read if you want!

this year has been. wow. if i had to put the definition of an emotional rollercoaster it would be this year for me

so much happened, yet so much DIDN'T happen simultaneously?? i don't really know how to think tbh 😭 i think above all i'm relieved it's over and i get to (hopefully) have a fresh start again

i got a lot accomplished this year. i graduated and got a degree which is a huge thing!!! i went for and accomplished lot of difficult things i had to do that i wouldn't even think about considering last year, and i feel my mental health has been beyond improved from it. last year i took note of how i consistently put myself in a box to make others happy, and i noticed i significantly improved in regards to how i see myself and made sure to put my own health first. there's still MUCH more to work on, god, and i've still been struggling with it, but i've been taking steps and that's all that matters to me. i want to continue taking better care of myself next year

on the downside though.. a bunch of personal stuff i had no control over happened in july and to put it in a way, i was scared for my life. it's settled now, and even got better, but i haven't been that terrified in a very long time. it was so difficult for me to cope with and i'm very grateful it's not something to worry about anymore, but i would be lying if i said i wasn't scared for what horrific event next year will bring for me. i noticed the past few years, something awful happened that made me seriously question, doubt or even straight up hating myself :') and i'm not looking forward to experiencing that again next year in the slightest. but at least, i'll try to get better at it

i've felt pretty disappointed and unhappy with my art this year as well, for whatever reason. it was mentioned to me that it could just be burnout (i HAVE been drawing more consistently than i ever have throughout this year, especially due to college, which makes sense) but whatever i try to do experimental-wise, i just can't be happy with it. i think the major reason is the way i've been shading, because i might be instinctively holding myself back. i don't want my art to be too eyestrainy or give people headaches by looking at it obviously, but i feel like as a result i've been making my art feel too "muddy" for my liking. so! i decided one of my new years resolutions will be to be way more spontaneous with the way i use colors and try not to put that box on myself. one thing i can say is, i tried a Lot of new things with art this year, including working on complex backgrounds, putting in way more effort into pieces enough to be full illustrations, etc etc. and i hope to break a ton more boundaries next year too. regardless, i can't thank you enough for your continued support. it seriously means a ton to me. i know i repeat myself a lot but i always mean it

hopefully 2025 will bring us more kirby too! we haven't had a full year without a new kirby game since 2021, and even then forgotten land got revealed! so i get the feeling something HUGE is coming. also looking forward to pokemon legends z-a too (im insane over it). and the hypothetical manager magolor plush. <- copium.

thanks for reading, and i hope 2025 is a fun, enjoyable year. hopefully it'll be nice to us

~ mac ❤️

[lilithinstarlight]

Freminet x SeaCreature!Reader

Hi hi! I just happened to stumble across your account as of today and read through the f.f you had of ao3! I really liked it btw!

I wasn’t sure which fandom to request for but I’ve been craving some new content for Freminet x reader

———————————————————————

Imagine;

Frem is arriving to a tent he set up after he just went diving but sees a pile of shells appears beside. He doesn’t question much of it and pockets some. Next time he goes diving it appears again, and then again, etc. Of course he’s confused but doesn’t worry about it to much seeing as if the person was trying to harm him he figures they wouldn’t waste an entire month collecting shell for him.

Eventually he ends up having to make a quick stop to his tent because he ran out of space to carry items, and that’s when he sees it. Something that he didn’t know even existed before (be it something simple like a mermaid or maybe a shark hybrid? Up for you to decide!) to say he isn’t interested is a lie!

———————————————————————

Im actually going to end the idea right here because I’m quite interested to see what you come up with next!

I haven’t gotten a chance to check when/how long it might take for you to respond to requests so for now I’ll just be stalking your page every so often to see! >:3

tysm!!!! this request is actually so cute btw

With a grunt, Freminet pulled himself out of the clear blue ocean waters. The sun was beating down, giving the liquid an almost lustrous quality, and reflecting off of anything that cared to shine.

He walked over to the mustard yellow tent he'd set up a few hours ago as water dripped from his suit. He reached down to pull the zipper open, looked around to ensure there weren't any bugs about to get in, and --

Oh? What was that?

Sat just beside the zipper was a pile of pearlescent shells. Beautiful, but slightly strange, since those most definitely weren't there when he left in the early morning to go diving.

Though he would normally have been scared off, thinking the shells were left as a warning, there was a sort of comforting aura emanating from the shells. Instead of a sign of danger, he knew they were a sign of protection.

Unsure of what to do with them, he carefully picked them up and gently placed them inside the tent.

--

What was this man trying to do? You had clearly left the shells out as a message to convey your interest in whoever that trespassing cute diver was. Was he playing hard to get? Maybe he was waiting for you to collect more, to show that you really liked him. That must be it.

--

The next morning, Freminet woke up to an even larger pile of shells sat outside his tent's door. Maybe they had just been washing up? He kicked them to the side as he stepped back onto the dew-soaked grass and into the strangely beautiful waters.

Day after day, shells appeared at his tent. Generally they were placed near the door, sometimes they were carefully arranged on top of it, and occasionally they were set inside.

That first day must have been a fluke... these are clearly being left as a warning...

The day after he came to that conclusion, he set out on what he decided was to be his last journey in this section of the ocean. Though he was completely invested in the palace-like architectural monument he had been exploring, whoever lived there clearly didn't want him there.

--

You swam in circles around your mossy stone room. Did he really dislike you that much? You wondered if you had done something wrong, something to offend him.

Shaking your head, you decided that this would be your last attempt at talking to him. You swam to the pile of shells that you had collected the night before, then with determination set in your face, began to swim back up to the surface.

--

Oh Archons. He had forgotten his waterproof Kamera, hadn't he?

Freminet had decided to document as much of the stone palace as he could before he left. Which was why he was currently swimming back up to his tent, since he had somehow forgotten his Kamera, the only tool he actually needed.

The moment his helmet broke the surface, a wave of panic set in.

Who was that? Scratch that, what was that? A water lizard?

"I'm sorry for trespassing! Um, please forgive me! I'm leaving now!"

--

You turned around, mid-shell placement, to find the cute diver boy floating behind you. Finally!

"Don't be sorry! Wait, can you take off your helmet?"

"Um, sure..." The boy shyly reached up to pull the iron bubble off his head.

A faint blush spread across your bluish cheeks despite your best efforts. His soft blonde hair... the coral-lavender eyes... no way his real face was even cuter?!

"You can come up here, if you like!" you called to him. He nodded, and pulled himself onto land, sopping wet.

"So, Mr. Diver - what's your name?"

"F-Freminet..."

"Freminet. I'll be blunt here - why don't you like me?"

"Um! What?" Freminet (even his name was cute!) looked caught incredibly off-guard.

"You've been ignoring all my advances. Whenever I try to give you shells, you either take them into the tent without doing anything or kick them away. You haven't even left me a rejection note!"

"Advances...?" Something clicked in his eyes as he tried to avoid yours. "Uh, I didn't really consider you were trying to, um, flirt with me..."

"How? Do humans not do collection-courting?"

"Not really..." He was starting to sink into himself. Not on your watch!

You strode over to him, trying to exude confidence you only halfway had. You wrapped your scaly tail around his back, and his entire face turned red.

"Then, you're interested?"

He opened his mouth and tried to stutter out an answer, which failed, so he simply nodded his head.

"Wait, actually?" You stepped back and felt your face heat up. No, you were supposed to be the one making him blush!

"Yeah..."

With a squeal of joy, you threw your arms around him. You were completely out of control right now, and you weren't hating it!

"Hey, um, if you don't mind me asking... for, um, you guys, do the shells have, like, a meaning?" He turned away immediately, like he regretted asking.

"Well, traditionally, it's a sort of marriage proposal..."

"Ah?!"

[movingthisblogcelestialtarot11]

How to Turn Your Situation Into Something Positive 🍵💗

Hi friends! Welcome to another PAC reading where we’ll be looking at how to transform any current situations you’re in! Keep in mind there are many different groups here and there will be messages which you won’t resonate with, just leave it for someone else 😊❤️ Please like, comment and reblog to share the love ☮️

Pile 1 🌟- Hi there pile 1’s! Someone definitely did ya’ll dirty in a situation and it left you feeling sad and lonely. A loss was created because someone handled a situation unfairly, and you’ve been feeling very down. This situation felt like it was weighing on your chest, and possibly there was a misunderstanding of feelings, or someone took something the wrong way and blew up here. And I feel like you took the brunt of the situation for a long time. I feel like this is something that was happening for a long time, and you’ve been wanting justice to come to this situation, or karma to hit that person to show them where they went wrong. Its also very possible for some of you this person reached out and reignited those triggers and you’re finding it difficult to be compassionate towards them. Your anger is understandable and so are your triggers, I feel like spirit is saying it’s important to know your boundaries in this situation and have your back. Look after you first. There are/were people who benefitted from you having no boundaries because they liked the feeling of power, and that needs to change. There’s this feeling of stepping up or no longer accepting their bullshit, which I’m so proud of you pile 1! Know your worth and value. Thats how you turn this situation into a positive one. Knowing your true worth and value will help you walk away from anything that is less than what you want. This person could be bread-crumbing you and as of now you’re done with that energy! Im also hearing whilst its very understandable you’d wish someone their own karma, spend your time wishing yourself the blessings you’ve always wanted instead. Feed yourself empowerment and start thinking “how can I support myself now?” be there for yourself pile 1, and also once you heal you begin to see a lot of things that you didn’t before. Within yourself and everyone else. Happy healing pile 1 💗🌟 Wishing you the best! Please like comment and reblog to support this blog ✨

Pile 2 ☮️- Hi there pile 2! ❤️🌟 Welcome to your reading. For you I see you need to distance yourself from a community or situation here and really really focus on your self confidence. Your esteem, body, and health. There’s something about getting your life in order and no longer letting external factors or people tell you what to do. Become your own boss in this situation. Some of you need to take an active role in this situation as well and know you’re the shit! 💗 like speaking up, setting boundaries, deciding what YOU’ll do, not focusing on them. You’re everything anyone could ever want, and some of you may have forgotten that. Your true power is meant to come out in this situation. What would help as well is remaining unbothered by this person or situation. I’m hearing it’s a silly situation, for some of you. Like petty high school drama. There could be someone trying to compete with you and show they are the best, but truthfully insecurities are loud, confidence is quiet. I’m hearing from spirit let them make a fool out of themselves because they are responsible for themselves only! What they say and what they do is on them. Continue working on yourself because I feel like whoever this is, is trying to undermine your confidence or skill, and you won’t stand for it and shouldn’t! 😤 I also feel like spirit will be giving you messages in your dreams about this situation so definitely sleep with amethyst, clear quartz or lavender herb under your pillow. If not allergic, drink lavender and chamomile before you bed ✨either way I feel like your presence is truly amazing and its like royalty, and what you need to know is that don’t give those haters your attention. Focusing on yourself is literally the best outcome here. Thank you pile 2’s! Please like comment and reblog to spread the love 💗🌹

Pile 3 ⌛️- Hi there pile 3’s! First of all I just want to ask if ya’ll are okay? 🥹❤️ Ya’ll seem to be going through it. Either a relationship with someone got unhealthy and controlling, or there has been a loss and you’re struggling to cope with it. Spirit is offering a lot of support and healing right now, and although you may not see it or feel it, spirit is protecting you heavily now. There’s a veil around you. I also feel that this ending was necessary because it was getting toxic, controlling and brought out the worse. I think someone here had to make a decision to choose themselves over toxicity. And it’s okay to hurt by that too. Honor and acknowledge your loss without shaming yourself for making the healthy choice 💗 I received the Queen Of Cups so I feel like there’s something about focusing on your growth and healing now. “Let growth be your mission. Let healing be your reward. Let freedom be your goal.” I love this quote and I go by it. Spirit wanted me to share it with ya’ll. I feel like ya’ll have been working on your healing for a long time and revisited something of the past, and its been tough processing it. In a way, its allowing this new version of you to come through and grow every time 💗🥹 This new version of you has a lot of emotional abundance and knowledge, and is definitely patient and caring. I feel like your higher self is coming through to also say it’s important to feed yourself kind words. If harsh words worked it would’ve worked a long time ago is what I heard too. Call yourself the names you wish to be called, like nicknames, talk gently, and use respectful words to yourself the way you would with anyone else ✨💗 I feel like you guys used to give everyone your secret wisdom, or the things you’ve healed from like all of that information, and now you are being asked to remain private and selective about it. This will help you a lot in this situation to focus on yourself. Thank you for being here pile 3 and I sincerely hope this helped you ❤️🌟 Please like comment and reblog to help this blog grow 🌟😊

Thank ya’ll for stopping by! Its highly appreciated and I really hope this PAC got ya’ll the clarity you needed ❤️🥹 Thank ya’ll for being here always.

Paid Readings 💗✨

[howlsofbloodhounds]

I have been trying to read 'how nightmare became dadmare' on ao3 because a friend wanted me to since it's apparently the best found family bad sanses out there (I'm usually not a fan of the dynamic) and I've been struggling so much...

they keep ignoring killer. horror is barely a character, he's forgotten most of the time. at times I feel like the whole fic is more about dust than nightmare despite the title. I had to bail when nightmare literally ignored killer giving him vital information for no valid reason despite killer being his right hand man.

this is why I don't like the dynamic. every reason why. if this is the best out there I don't want to know what else they got going on.

sorry for the rant the frustration got to me

I feel it’s often very overlooked in the fandom that killer is not canonically nightmare’s right hand—it’s literally just him and nightmare, cross and xchara were there maybe before they ditched too and a murder sans variant showed up once and then kinda disappeared, killer refers to a mysterious “the others” at one point—but for the most part it’s just him and his boss.

And Nightmare definitely doesn’t listen to him or his advice—even if that comic suggests that perhaps that is something that would change with time, the more killer proves himself. Doesn’t mean he’s exempt from being choked unconscious if he speaks out of turn or has a slip in his words, however.

What im tryna say is that it’s pretty obvious that Killer would never become Nightmare’s right hand if he didn’t prove himself and earn it. Which means it’s absolutely ridiculous for killer to be nightmare’s right hand and then for nightmare to just disregard his advice—not unless that’s supposed to be a character flaw of his, his pride and hubris causing him to overlook killer again, maybe. Doesn’t seem to be the case in this fic though.

The idea that Killer becomes Nightmare’s right hand and that position holds weight only because Killer was there first or was there the longest..is just weird to me. That’s just bad leadership. Let Killer earn that spot through his own intelligence, determination, skills, and drive for either something new or control��through displays of dedication and loyalty.

Let him prove himself trustworthy and knowledgeable. Let Nightmare train him and encourage him, let Nightmare reward him for the effort and dedication he has shown to the King’s goals. It’s a lot more interesting than…”Well, he was here the longest..” or “he was here first,” in situations where these ranks are supposed to mean something. Or at least, if it means something to Killer.

Why would he ever leave Nightmare when he’s done and said so much to earn what he has? Searching for something new, the means and privilege and resources to follow wherever his curiosity and impulses and boredom take him? To have control and power over something in his life, for once? To ensure his own safety, security and survival?

Wouldn’t it be so much harder to give up what he has when he’s fought tooth and nail, killed and tortured, threw others under the bus—for his own self preservation— not wanting to be outdone by anyone else and thus deemed useless enough to not warrant keeping around, to be deemed worthless enough to have his right to exist revoked—for it? His own curiosity? Amusement? Feeling of control, even if it’s all ultimately meaningless in the end?

People should let killer be ruthless more often. Even if it means wielding cruelty as a tool.

But yeah, a lot of bad sans family fics have the misfortune of turning into the dust sans and nightmare sans show ft. those two other guys over there ig. I was reading that fic like awhile back, but I stopped a while ago, so I don’t know how it ends or goes on—so I can’t say anything about this fic specifically when I can’t recall anything about it rn.

[ecoterrorist-katara]

You mentioned that your first ship was percabeth what did you like about it? I'm just rereading the books since I havent read it in over a decade and Im surprised how well it still holds up with the friends to lovers. Personally I feel like it did the subtle lines between platonic and romantic and how with each book the lines got blurred. I feel like with FTL its actually really hard to write organically because its hard to write that change from platonic to romantic without one side seeming like they are almost being convinced into it (usually the girls side).

hello anon!! Sorry it took me SO long to get to your ingenious ask. I was like "hmm haven't read PJO since I was thirteen, time for a re-read" and I just kept...getting sidetracked.

Even as an ETL enjoyer myself, I subconsciously took it for granted that enemies-to-lovers is inherently more toxic in comparison to friends-to-lovers. You're absolutely right, though, that FTL comes with its own set of baggage. For whatever reason, I've never extrapolated that baggage to the trope as a whole.

One of the critiques I often see of ETL is that F/M ETL reproduces heteronormative gender roles and power dynamics*. That’s true, but that's a risk in FTL too, like you said. "Guy falls for girl and pressures her to return his feelings" is very much a gendered dynamic. The friendzone is, by definition, unique to FTL ships, and there are many many well-known examples where a male character pressures his female friend to return his feelings and makes her uncomfortable: Gale and Katniss, Bella and Jacob, Katara and Aang, etc. To be clear, I absolutely don't mind if one party falls first in an FTL dynamic, but how that person conducts themselves makes all the difference. (I also don't think it's a coincidence that in the examples I listed, the only character to end up with the girl they liked was Aang...who was also the only character written by men.)

Also, this is a side note, but I think it's pretty funny that people think friends-to-lovers is inherently wholesome? Have we forgotten that Heathcliff and Cathy is a classic case of childhood friends-to-lovers? Less dramatically, I'm very partial to versions of Wolfstar where Sirius and Remus are both huge messes as a result of trauma/war etc and say mean things to each other.

Anyway...onto Percabeth. I loved Percabeth for the same reasons you do: I thought the slow burn was impeccably organic. I also loved the mutual pining. Even though the book was from Percy's POV, it was very obvious to me that Annabeth liked him, possibly even before he recognized his own feelings. The mutual devotion in their friendship felt really special to me and I never felt like romantic interest will jeopardize the friendship. Fundamentally, my favourite friends-to-lovers romances have this kind of dynamic: it’s fine if they don’t get together because their friendship can survive anything, but of course they will -- it's obvious to everyone!

A gradual slow burn friends-to-lovers is catnip to me, whether in original fiction or fanfic. I want to be salivating for the mutual confession! I want to feel the yearning! I want to giggle in a very high-pitched fashion and scream when they get it wrong! Some of my favourite fics, even in ETL ships, are actually FTL. My favourite Dramione fic of all time is Lionheart. As for Zutara, basically all post-canon fics are FTL: refraction, Katara Alone, The Horizon, Another Word for Alchemy, Half Asleep, etc. FTL is hard to write, but when it's done well? Chef's kiss. Delicious.

A lot of Ka/taang vs. Zutara discourse tends to fall along "do you prefer FTL or ETL," with the conclusion that if you prefer FTL you'll like Ka/taang...but it's precisely because I'm an FTL enthusiast that I don't like KA! I think it was written poorly! It stumbles right into the exact pitfalls of FTL you identified, and there are so many better FTL romances out there that don't rely on pressure as a source of conflict/drama.

Anyway: anon you've made me think a lot, and I'm very grateful! Big hug to you.

*Footnote: obligatory disclaimer that fiction is fiction and people can ship whatever dynamic they like.

[lotsofsq]

Hello! I was wondering if you could go into detail about why you like SQ and Dr. Curtain so much (Both book and Show versions) I’m just curious why those characters specifically are your favs lol

first of all. i love you so much you’re like an angel.

second of all this is gonna be LONG. so buckle your seatbelt!! im gonna break it up into book and show

Book

SQ (before book 3)

so the funny thing is as a kid when i read the books reynie was my favorite! so i expected to have the same experience when i read it last year, but the funny thing is when i initially read it i didn’t even really register SQ as a character (or anyone other than the core four) so when i read it he felt completely new. what really did me in was when i was on his wiki and spotted “motivation: Love” as one of the section headers, learning preemptively about the brain sweeping, and went WAIT WAIT HOLD ON., and was immediately sent spiraling in a good way. 

often times my favorite part of a character has to do with an interesting relationship they have, and how they navigate that, in this case SQ’s relationship with Mr Curtain. knowing that SQ was brain swept ahead of time allowed me to pick apart how that effects his actions on my first read through, where as most people would have done that after already having their first impression of the scenes.

so i definitely think that’s a big reason i got so invested in his character, the idea of being psychologically changed to meet the whims of another has always been something i’m interested in, and SQ and Mr curtain have a really interesting dynamic on this.

i’m going to talk about how i felt after The Sorting Out in my second SQ and Mr Curtain segments because that’s what made me like like him as something other than an accessory for SQ’s character

but what we see in the first two books and the majority of the third is SQ getting special treatment, but not being treated particularly kindly, which i’m obsessed with. he is allowed to be bad at his job generally without punishment and is given privileges, like questioning Mr Curtain and (assumedly) going back to get him after he gets left behind. basically this implies that mr curtain has some kind of reason to want him around that is different than the other people he employs.

so i’m getting all this mess, and he is portrayed in book one as almost entirely empty headed. just dumb as a rock. but his note (the OVER, LOSE one) is actually pretty clever especially since he clearly understands he has memory issues and he has a very interesting habit of actually lying to cover up his word mistakes, i can’t think of a time he admits he messed the words up, he just says “that too” or “that’s what i said” and i think it’s fascinating.

another thing that was a stand out for me was his real loud genuine anger at being tricked! he wasn’t understanding until later he was pissed! they took advantage of him! they validated what mr curtain had said about them! i really like this because in a lesser story he would have been understanding right away or not have understood what happened. but he knew almost immediately after coming to from the hypnosis (side note: HYPNOSIS!?!?? AND IT JUST NEVER COMES UP AGAIN?? WHY ISNT THERE MORE STUFF TALKING ABOUT THIS???)

all these things have really interesting implications and looks into his world. here’s a couple other things that have interesting implications:

-“but Mr. Curtain was long used to the workings of S.Q.'s mind. In fact, S.Q. had asked this question before, more than once, but had forgotten.” so we all agree he swept the other times right? right??

-stated by mr curtain: for him, grisly details are the most memorable. what do you mean by that???

-SQ being said to have a very neat uniform, i like this detail because it’s juxtaposes his clumsiness.

-he used some of the truth serum he was told not to touch to give him assurance he could trust mr benedict leading up to the hypnotism

all this together got me invested in him and interested in him and mr curtain

SQ (during book 3)

so during this book there are a few things that really influenced my design of him especially and how i view his relationship with mr curtain and how i think he was affected by the brainsweepings

design wise, in this book there a one-off line where kate says the filled out, which caused me to start drawing him buffer, i had already stopped drawing him partially scrawny for his height so that line just put the nail in the coffin. during reading this book i had decided it would be funny if mr curtain was shorter than sq (but not by that much) but then in the end of the book there are a contrast of how they got into the salamander (mr curtain standing on his chair, sq just jumping in) i decided to exaggerate their height difference.

this book is a land mine of Curtain caring about sq poorly, i actually didn’t believe reynie when he first said mr curtain loved SQ. they also reveal in this book that mr curtain uses the whisperer as a treat for good executives because of its euphoric affects so that’s. insane. not to mention sq gets more of these treats than anyone. and i’m supposed to just be normal about that?

anyway. this book also has one of the only things i actively ignore in the books which is SQ seeing mr curtain as a father figure. i don’t care, i dont like it, it can be fun to use as an idea but i don’t like it as a confirmed thing especially not the inverse that mr curtain sees SQ as a Son :/ i much prefer them as undefinable the idea that no words would really accurately describe how they view eachother. that’s his pet human boy ok? leave me alone.

moving on, in this book we see mr curtain get snappy with mccracken when he suggests sq is a poor choice in assistant (he is) and of course the famous chapter The Sorting Out. it has many amazing moments not just the final moment but that is the most vital one to (i think) understanding them and seeing their relationship in a semi positive light which i’ve drawn pretty often.

im mostly going to talk about how sq acts here because this is his segment.

after finding out mr curtain has been brainsweeping him SQ shows no ill will whatsoever. he refuses to continue helping mr curtain with his evils but he immediately offers to help Mr curtain escape. he cares deeply about mr curtain and he’s also clearly been ruminating on the betrayal of mr benedict and his friends. when mr benedict tells mr curtain his options sq listens for him, and when Mr curtain starts to escape SQ shows a level of speed and agility we don’t see from him before, i like to think that it’s a combination of clarity in knowing about the brain sweeping and adrenaline.

when the crane is struck and the beam begins to fall he doesn’t hesitate to jump in the cab to hold the lever, when he starts to struggle and mr curtain switches with him he doesn’t do what mr curtain asks which is to get out of the way. instead he pulls the salamander as close as possible in hopes to save him. when mr curtain decides to drop the beam on himself sq is able to anticipate this very quickly and has enough strength to not only “seize” mr curtain but also pull him underneath the salamander in time.

the scene where they are clinging to eachother is so so important to me, neither would let go they had to be removed together, and sq doesn’t let go of mr curtain as he yells. also an interesting choice is in this scene SQ is referred to as a man, not a boy or another descriptor. i think this is important but i’m not sure i can articulate it.

all in all SQ’s story has a lot of things to explore and is very compelling to me, there is a lot of potential for his relationships with other characters in his unique position of being on the bad side for all books but being a friend to the main characters aswell.

i have a great deal of affection towards him and i also had what i can only describe as an Episode about him last year where i was having trouble thinking about anything else to the point that it affected my school work lmao. in any case he encompasses so much to me, and i feel like i can get so much back from him when i think about him, it’s a lovely thing.

Mr Curtain

so the thing about mr curtain is. he’s a horrible man who decided to brainwash the entire world, hire thugs to kidnap children, raise loyal underlinings to infiltrate government bodies and kidnap and wipe the memories of countless people. hes cruel and hateful and manipulative.

he’s also an orphan, disabled, and he was probably raised in the same way mr benedict was (well get into that later) and these things all affect him and his character but don’t take away from the fact he is a scary villain who in the end gets what is coming to him (jail time) but also is not denied help and compassion.

he’s also funny. the best thing a character in any story can be is fun to see in the story. it doesn’t matter how nice a character is if they are painful to watch or read, mr curtain is, above all else, fantastic to read about.

mr curtain’s character really became interesting to me AFTER the sorting out. i liked him before, but more as who he could be to SQ not as his own person. after becoming attached to him i do look back on some of what he does in a different light or just with more interest. i do have a few thoughts before i get into his part in The Sorting Out.

he IS disabled and DOES need his wheelchair. he’s not faking that, what he’s faking is WHY he needs his wheelchair. it bothers me when people say that he was faking needing to have a wheelchair. he might not need it to walk but he certainly needs it in his daily life, since he also has narcolepsy and could collapse at any moment and has nobody in his life to catch him. (i know i don’t always draw him in it but that more because my SQ is so massive his head is at SQ’s stomach when he’s sitting. most of my solos of him are in his chair.)

the books do a much better job than the show actually incorporating the twins narcolepsy into their characters and into the events of the story. in the show the narcolepsy is almost an afterthought or backstory.

now. The Sorting Out.

when he is put in a position where his life work is rendered useless he runs, sq follows. he asks sq “you really want to help me?” he says it before a snappish remark but i do think he’s genuinely wondering.

after he takes up position in the cab of the crane, he is defeated he has nothing left for him he can’t do what he set out to do and when sq looked at him and he is “Gazing at S.Q., who was gazing back with a helpless, concerned expression that Mr. Curtain had never seen from anyone, at least not directed toward him,” and isn’t that heartbreaking this moment before he decides to basically kill himself is the first time he’s ever had this concerned expression pointed at him, but he’s seen it towards others.

he drops the lever the beam falls and SQ saves him. after this MR CURTAIN CLINGS. CLINGS DESPERATELY TO SQ!!!! the emotion of that is insane and they do use the word cling. but what i think is often overlooked is what comes immediately afterwards.

His words were venomous, and his face was twisted with despair, and in his eyes is a twinkle of hope. what does this mean?

now of course the words is obvious: he’s viciously insulting SQ for being stupid enough to try and save him and, i think, for nearly getting himself killed.

his eyes? i think the hope is him realizing he has someone who believes in him and loves him unconditionally. it’s an interesting thought since typically it’s much healthier for a younger person to receive this kind of care from someone older, but mr curtain is an orphan with no family and probably no friends, he never had Mr Benedict’s experience as a child of being taken care of by one righteous individual, Mr Harinton, opening his heart to the cruel world.

that’s what SQ is to him, years to late and much too young for him to be able to have the same effect on him. mr benedict was introduced to a warmth by someone more powerful than him, mr curtain was introduced to this same warmth by an individual he had power over himself, which is part of why i think he eventually took almost totally monopoly over SQs life and mind, he couldn’t bear to lose it.

(this is one of the reasons it’s healthier for the one who’s love is unconditional to be the one who can influence the other’s life and not the other way around.)

but the middle point i don’t know if i’ve heard anyone talk about: his face twisted with despair. why? i think this is because he knows he going in prison, he knows he deserves to be there for a very long time and he JUST REALIZED what love feels like.

it breaks my heart a little bit that he is not just in a prison but in a glass cage, he can’t touch them like you would be able to with bars, there’s no door in, the visitor area is outside his little room. so unlike a traditional cell. he won’t be getting another hug any time soon. :( there’s a chance that was his first and last hug ever.

after finishing book 3 i immediately read book 4 in which mr curtain has matching pajamas and slippers a nightlight and an early bedtime. that was too cute for me i mean come on. that paired with the fact that in a book it’s stated that SQ has special permissions to go into the high security prison just so he can see Mr. Curtain. omg sir

book 4 made me shrink him from cuteness aggression and grow SQ, who was uncomfortable in clown shoes, how big is that boy oh my lord. (yes i know he has proportionally huge feet but still)

at this point i stated coming up with several AUs for how they could be together after book 3, but with SQ having more power over the situation, such as the both in prison au (sq is better respected) or the house arrest au (sq is allowed to leave and touch electronics and whatnot) i really enjoy when a younger person takes care of an older person just because i think it’s interesting so i wanted to sorta explore that.

now there’s probably more i could talk about with these two but i think this is almost all of the major things that make me so interested in them in the first place. let’s move on!!

The Show (and SOS)

this one i’m going to split up a little differently, starting with stuff i liked from just the show, to reading fics specifically SOS and how that changed my perspective of the character and made me like them way more

Show

when i first watch the show i liked Nicholas the most, so i didn’t pay a lot of attention to nathaniel outside of him, but that being said i always found his inability to let anything go ever absolutely incredible. Nathaniel is a character i really enjoy because he’s an antagonist but also a massive loser. in the scene where nicholas gets picked by the parents over him, immediately beforehand he says oh yeah it’s totally cool if you only pick one of us. then it wasn’t him that’s so funny i’m sorry.

in season two he starts calling Nicholas Nicky again like he did in the flashback and i was painfully endeared by this, and by the just oddity he embodies in every single situation. the way he takes the time to pick the perfect hat to have people buy, the way he ominously says “not after tomorrow” when Shepard says he doesn’t have to listen to other people’s opinions. it’s just so funny.

the way he is obsessively trying to find a child spy sent by his estranged brother and is convinced reynie couldn’t possibly just be SQ’s friend. AND HES RIGHT!!! on both accounts he’s completely correct. but he looks like a loon because he’s being so weird about it, making little statues and stuff but also being so affronted when other people are weird, like the scene where garrison says she doesn’t really agree and he asks if she’s talking to her lawyer, and when reynie says he’s a good person and he’s like ‘uh yeah i know obviously’ and basically every conversation with jeffers.

i like that he just has serious issues. peak.

now in Shepard’s case i like him cuz he’s so. not normal but also the most normal of all of them. he’s an introverted art kid who’s never had a real friend before. has presumably never really had school in a group setting or at least doesn’t anymore, given that he’s normally drawing during school hours when we see him and is the son of the school headmaster. he’s got this melancholy air about him.

but he’s also the rational explanation to nathaniel’s jumping to conclusions. why get a haircut so late at night? why worry about other’s opinions you can’t change? what do you MEAN my dad has been erasing peoples memories that would be insane, how would you even do that? why can’t i bring a friend to the forest i’ll be with him the whole time what could he possibly do? he’s like 12?

it’s just really entertaining to see him make perfectly logical statements and be completely wrong because his life is a TV show.

Fics

the two fics that affected how i view these two the most are of course SOS (and subsequent sequels) and “Unmasked” by thegreatkatewritingmachine.

Unmasked

i’m going to start with this because it’s much shorter. basically this fic is about both SQ and Nathaniel’s perspectives of how Nathaniel’s wall’s come down when he’s tired. (there is also a third chapter where Nicholas takes care of SQ but I don’t think about that that much oops) specifically this manifest as him being physically affectionate when he’s overworked where as normally he’s very particular about what is and isn’t appropriate and polite.

this fic for me opened up a whole flood of ideas because as you know if you’ve looked at my art i’m a big fan of physical affection and especially sleeping in the same bed/cuddling it was like my favorite things to draw in writing form. i also really enjoyed the fact we got both perspectives, in the fic SQ is very guilty for “taking advantage” of his dad’s tiredness to get affection, and feels guilty for enjoying when his dad isn’t doing well. then in tired nathaniel’s pov the whole time he’s basically thinking “i love my son i miss my son my boy zzzzzzzzzz”

i just love that he clearly acts and thinks differently when he’s more awake but that that’s his base feelings. i think it’s sweet and it made me think a lot about how parents sometimes do what they think is best for their child, or are very uptight and that affects their parenting, and a parent can love their child and still have a lot to fix with parenting style.

i really like this interpretation of nathaniel as a bad parent who loves his son because i feel like it’s more interesting. plus it encourages that he could change and has motivation to be better. in the show to me it’s pretty clear he cares about sq, he does lots of activities with him, he has a spot for him in his office and when asked about his job he doesn’t really blow up at sq he (loudly) tells him to leave. and that’s more than book curtain can say.

especially after season 2, i like to think that he has all these things he’s trying to protect Sq from and after making up with nicholas he realizes how wrong he was about people and the world, and apologizes to SQ says he thought he was helping was preparing him but really he was hurting him and he’s sorry.

the idea of a patient and logical son and his emotionally stunted and irrational dad who is working on it is just so delightful to me i can’t really explain it.

SOS

so the thing that has made me love these two, individually and together, the most is definitely SOS it’s one of the most amazing fics i’ve ever read and if you’re craving Show content you never got, i recommend it wholeheartedly. (it’s by @nobodysdaydreams i gotta plug it every time it’s the rules (my rules))

because i want more people to read it i’m going to mention this segment will go over some broader plot points in the story without going into many specifics, i won’t spoil anything major, i’m mostly just talking about the newly explored reasons for canon events

the beginning of SOS is a flashback to Nathaniel in College becoming friends with dr garrison milligan and SQ’s bio dad that’s sorta the main jumping off point of the additions bods makes to the story. then the story goes through from that point until present time aka a little after the end of season 2.

nathaniel taking care of SQ as a little kid especially a baby was really special to me because in sos the reason why he adopted SQ after his parents died is because he doesn’t want him to go to a place that uses old fashioned discipline, because that is something he had experienced.

THIS IS HUGE TO ME because not only did this make me immediately start thinking of what nathaniel could have been experiencing in the orphanages but also the idea that he was making a lot of his decisions trying to make sure SQ didn’t experience his specific bad childhood but taking it too far sometimes.

this scene also had one other effect on me: i had vivid dreams of the POV of nathaniel taking care of baby SQ for like a WEEK. it was insane i would wake up feeling gutted (it wasn’t a bad experience just very emotional) and i definitely think that that has increased my care about them, i still tear up if i think about it too hard. that’s his baby baby baby

in sos the explanation for SQ being gone is he goes to college and it’s interesting to see how much being coddled and overprotected has effected him

it is a reoccurring topic that Nathaniel is a big liar for various different reasons weather that be because of his narcolepsy (trigger by vulnerability, the truth can leave you vulnerable) or his past, or other things it’s an important part of his story that these secrets get revealed by him or others at various points in the story and i enjoyed how bods handled this a lot and how SQ reacted both to the secrets themselves and the state they left his dad in.

in SOS Shepard is very sensitive to nathaniel’s moods and thoughts, as children often are of their parents, and i like the way this is done. there are other things i’m not gonna get into but their relationship in this fic definitely effects how i portray them and how i think about them a lot.

i also find myself projecting very heavily onto them and have found myself helped from their experiences, nathaniel reminds me of myself in a lot of ways: i have a child in my life (sister) that i sometimes cannot be completely understanding with because of my own issues (overstimulation, issues with being watched, etc) and i was in a spot for a while where i would hide things to spare others feelings but this often backfired of course because that’s not how things work well. so i relate to him. sq is more of a projection of being an artist and feeling weird and different as well as having a complicated relationship with a parent. they are very good vessels

Final Thoughts

these four all characters who are well suited to the kinds of events relationships and experiences i like to think about and explore in my work and in my mind.

there’s a million small moments that affect how i interpret characters when i read or watch things, a single fanfic or one conversation with a friend can completely change how i see a character or what i do with them!

if you’ve gotten all the way to the end here then i hope you enjoyed this and feel free to tell me anything in particular you found interesting or funny or just that you had a good time

thank you klyde for giving me this ask and feel free to keep asking me things like this, i also have a much shorter mccracken one somewhere

[kurtsascot]

i wouldnt be me if i didnt post one of these late.

so…. im alive.

life has finally appeared to calm down (please please please stay that way 🫥) so ive slowly been getting back into my hobbies/feeling like myself and not going to lie? everything was so crazy for so long it feels like im going to be picking up the pieces of myself for a while. im trying to be kinder to myself regarding all of this so bear with me. i feel like everyone at this point is used to my sporadic posting but there is the goal of inevitably coming back to tumblr, like, fully. its just a slow process.

i have a fic that i wrote new for the fanzine, but over these last few weeks is the first time ive been able to write in klueless for months, and its been somewhat terrifying? it feels like i’ve forgotten how to do this and its very disorientating. i’m going to have to reread what ive posted so far and, like, i definitely would have done that anyway because im a perfectionist but its a different feeling to have to. but. oh well !!

thanks to @forabeatofadrum for continuing to tag me in these week after week even though i was dead to tumblr it was very sweet

other than writing i spent a lot of time reading fanfic and books, doing puzzles, watching cheesy christmas movies. recently, i devoured the captive prince trilogy in three days so if anyone has read them i desperately need someone to talk to about it because i think im a different person now and i have no one to share that with

anyway….heres that klueless snippet. its been so long so i dont know if its better to wait to post until i have like, several chapters done, or just two like ive been doing…. i think im going to start writing out of order just to give myself some more leniency regardless.

Kurt hands Blaine back his hotdog. “I don’t think I can eat this.”

Blaine takes a massive bite of his relish doused dog, Kurt’s hotdog dropping to his thigh like it’s lead. “I guess hotdogs are beneath you today?”

“You think so poorly of me,” Kurt lashes as he pushes his head through his poncho’s opening, forehead wrinkled. “I think I’m coming down with a stomach bug or something. That’s all.” He sniffles. “As soon as I got in the car with you, I’ve felt like shit.”

Another relish-loaded bite assaults Kurt’s nose. “The feeling’s mutual,” Blaine says out of the corner of his mouth, fighting a smile, “You have that effect on people.”

Something about that just twists more knots inside Kurt’s stomach.

tagging: @fallevs @hevanderson @cryscendo @warblercore

@daisyishedwig @backslashdelta @blurglesmurfklaine @rockitmans

and anyone else that wants to!!

[xxlady-lunaxx]

your writing either puts a smile on my face or makes me want to sob but either way it’s really good <3 if it’s not too much trouble, could I request a Gentan piece where Genya is stressing out over a lot of work he has to do (can be schoolwork, idk) and Tanjiro gets him to calm down and think straight? This definitely isn’t me projecting after my own hellish weekend of schoolwork

Thank you so much!! ^^

SORRY I TOOK SO LONG i got mad at myself bc i dont know how to write tanjiro so i didn’t finish it ,, and its super short now which is mean fro u and im sorry

genya’s brother was a teacher. a math teacher, to be specific. therefore, by proxy, genya was school-dedicated. he didn’t really have a choice, and though he knew sanemi meant well, that didn’t change how stressed it made genya. studying took up most of his days, until he grew cross-eyed, trying to figure out what his notes said because he’d written them too quickly to read. he’d acquired a few more paper cuts with his frantic searching for the paper he’d lost (it was on his desk the entire time), and he wondered how nobody had mistaken him for a panda with how dark his eye bags had gotten in the past week. he realized what he needed was a de-stressor. so, of course, he invited his boyfriend over. only to end up buried in his homework once again when he realized he’d forgotten to finish one and it was due tomorrow.

tanjiro, ever the sweet boy, waited patiently. he wasn’t as pressured about his grades, or he just didn’t care enough at this point (considering how much worse his grades were compared to genya’s), so he was just idly on his phone, or making tea, or cutting some fruit for them to eat. but when genya rejected the watermelon offered, tanjiro paused with a frown.

too preoccupied with what the fuck the vertex of the equation could possibly be, genya didn’t notice the concern until tanjiro was peeking over his shoulder and saying, “maybe take a break after this worksheet’s done?”

genya jolted, not expecting the voice, then turned with the shake of his head. “i can’t, i still have to—“

“but they’re not due that soon, right? you shouldn’t keep overworking yourself, you already look so tired,” tanjiro fretted, and scooted over to sit beside genya on the floor.

“are you bored? sorry, you can go home and we’ll figure out another time—“ genya started, but was cut off again but a quick kiss to his cheek.

“it’s not that,” tanjiro sighed, brow furrowed in concern. “when was the last time you took a break?”

“uhm.”

handing him a plate with the previously rejected watermelon slices, tanjiro smiled gently. “so take a little time off. it doesn’t have to be the rest of the day, just an hour or two, to rest your mind and let you relax a bit. it’s not good to do work stressed, anyway,” he reasoned.

genya hesitated, struggling with that for a moment. then his shoulders slumped down in easy defeat. tanjiro looked pleased.

taking some watermelon, genya nibbled at it. “after this paper,” he gave in, evidently in need of a break.

then he yelped, when juice dribbled down onto his desk, marking the paper with light pink splatters.

tanjiro stayed by his side as he finished up, only getting up to get more watermelon. when genya scribbled down the final words, he dropped the pencil dramatically on the table and sighed loudly, flopping backwards onto the floor.

“done,” he said, with a tone that suggested he was very aware of all he would have to finish tomorrow. nevertheless, he smiled when tanjiro leaned down and kissed him gently. he sat up, retreating from the desk to engulf his boyfriend in a hug.

tanjiro laughed as he was squished, eyes shutting as he squirmed. “genya!” he protested, but made no move to leave. when he was released, he tackled genya in turn, sending them tumbling in a clutter of limbs onto the floor. they burst into a fit of giggles, until they were telling each other to stop laughing else they would never stop—and even when they managed to calm down, wide smiles graced their faces.

they lay there for a few long moments, quietly coming to a stop. genya buried his face in tanjiro’s shoulder, and tanjiro tightened the embrace.

“why don’t we watch something short, then have dinner?” tanjiro suggested, after several minutes of silence. he lifted his head, pressing his cheek against genya’s in question.

genya hummed and sat up, helping tanjiro up, too. “‘kay,” he agreed, but didn’t make any other movements, resting his weight onto tanjiro, visibly relaxing into the hug.

dinner came late, the movie an hour longer than agreed to watch (they forgot to check the length beforehand), and sleep was put to bed after a cup of hot chocolate topped with minty toothpaste and the struggle to find the pillows in the dark.

sometime before they fell asleep, sanemi came home and peeked into genya’s room, scowling when he saw him with tanjiro. but he sighed instead of coming at him, seemingly sensing that this was not the time for scolding. so he let them be, and genya let out his breath, snuggling into the blankets and sharing a smile with tanjiro.

“can you come over tomorrow, too?” he whispered.

“of course.”

[crazylittlejester]

So... because of timezones (i think) you posted that question about what fics we're looking forward to at like past midnight and I didn't have the mental capacity to answer. Now it's 10am where I am and my first order of business is to send you an essay on the fics you've written that I've enjoyed!

So if I remember right, I started following you when you were writing the Your A Part Of Me series. I LOVE your portrayal of Warriors and Time (and sometimes Wind) and I'm pretty sure you're the reason i love war of eras found family fics! Though if I could choose a single one of these fics for you to update it would be the body swap fic. For a fic with only 2 chapters, I've re-read it an unhealthy amount of times 😅

I was also here when you were brainstorming the Twilight but Wars is Bella AU and I'm waiting with baited breath for that one. Crack fics usually don't interest me, but for some reason this one sounds amazing and I can't wait to bingeread the whole thing in one sitting! (No pressure though!)

And of course I can't end this rant without mentioning your modern au. I love aus like this, I love seeing each authors interpretation of what our blorbos would be like in a different setting, I find it FASCINATING and yours is one of the great ones! You've put so much thought into it and the only reason I haven't read/kudos more of those fics is because uni started up again last week for me and I've got a deadline soon for a project that is the equivalent of a dissertation (AND I'm doing a dissertation as well which was a ✨️mistake✨️ im having fun cus im writing/composing video game music but theres so much work!!!) and i use fic to escape the real world not be reminded of it. I'm sure I'll get round to your other modern au fics after my deadline 😀

Anyway, before I go back to lurking, I just wanted to remind you to write what YOU want to write and not force yourself to write something you've lost the motivation for just because people are asking for it. I can say from experience that writing out of obligation is a great way to take the joy out of writing and I wouldn't wish that fate on anyone!

I'm going to sink back into the void whence I came now. Bye! 🩷💚💜

thank you so much for this!!

im definitely working on chapter 3 for the body swap fic so dw dw :)

I told myself i was going to finish that entire au before i start posting it so it can have consistent updates aldkdkk but its taking sooo long. i have not forgotten about it, im still slowly working on it, maybe i’ll post chapter one when its half done or something

im glad you like the modern au!! and good luck on your work 🫡🫡🫡

take care if yourself!! 💙

[klunkcat]

2024 Writing Roundup

tagged by @goodlucktai MWAH <3

Words Posted:

92,074

Additional Words Written:

the sheer magnitude of my google doc file count consisting of half buried wips and also rambles about my own dnd character would kill a small child

Fandoms:

TMNT

Trigun

its weird bc I was into like several things this year but also nothing stuck in my old brain soup so here's hoping 2025 makes me more deranged in new and exciting ways

Highest kudos + Highest Hit One-Shot:

I think forget me nots tbh for both lol

New Things I Tried:

collabing! if you somehow missed the gioverse collab fic thing w me and rem and tai and sol, well.

Fic I Spent The Most Time On:

absolutely the thing that buries me I have genuinely had this as a wip in my docs for over a year

Fic I Spent The Least Time On:

that is impossible to tell because I obsessed over all of them for different reasons I fear. maybe the 'kitchen counters' chapter in live to let you shine because I was in a fugue state of insanity

Favourite Thing I Wrote:

sun digs its heels was an ode to my poor baby kitty cat so I think that one

Favourite Thing(s) I Read:

BRO. SO MANY.

If I have to narrow it down...

we know im the number one taizi stan thats the loml but the gioverse truly pulled me into a creativity spiral i have not felt in forever so please read raised on little light immediately. only going up from here is the portal duo vibe forever along with can't help but become the sun. made me cry, worlds were changed.

I was not expecting my fave fic writer from years ago to come back with a sequel to underdark let alone this absolutely insanely good banger of a post rise movie fic along with the current follow up. the way mikey and leo are in this made me feel. agony? I think agony. anyways @plothooksinc 's stuff is really emotional and action packed and gets the characterizations right in such a specifically intense way.

take one for the team by @remedyturtles made me clinically unwell actually, and of course deathwish because sensei is actually i think the depressed millennial of all time. the way rem writes punches me straight through with an emotion I do not know how to name so there's that.

creation of a philosophers stone is so unique to me and about a dynamic with mikey and draxum that I never see really delved into? idk this is some incredible stuff by IgnisCanis

for something completely different, houses like tombs absolutely wrecked me. jjk content is always heartbreaking in this way that knocks me over but this one is so unique. damn.

I really need to remember to bookmark stuff more often because I definitely read way more than this and I have likely forgotten some life changing stuff but what can we do

Writing Goals for 2025:

write more tbh! I have a million google docs but it would be cool to finish more things

New Works:

hadestown au with tai will be real i s2g as will the daemon au, which I am keeping alive with my bare hands thanks. I am currently working on a sequel to running on low which I'm determined to finish sometime in the next few months i hope

With new trigun season coming out.... ambiguously soon... I'm sure I'll be overcome and crazed there, and will definitely finish the thing that buries me asap too

Tagging: 

tagging @byrdybyrd02 and @camsthisky if yall havent done one of these already! and of course anyone who wants to :)

[moldwood]

hii i remember a while ago you mentioned getting a bunch of udemy courses for blender & i was wondering if there were any character modeling ones that you tried and liked (or if you know of any other good ones elsewhere)? i have some that im looking at rn but its hard to decide what to start with when they all seem just slightly different lmao

(also idk if u remember but i am the same person that asked about ones for environments/buildings way back then as well. i did get some of them & made a little progress & then got distracted by Other Projects & havent touched blender since & now im switching gears to character stuff lmao. as one does)

yes i do remember you! you activated my trap card once again. now you have to sit and read my ramblings for 30 minutes. or just skip to the bolded sentence i got and finished this one, but if you remember the basics from your environment courses, i don't know if i would recommend it more than anything you can find for free on youtube tbh. if you feel like you've forgotten basics, it's a good place to start as the course starts from an absolute beginner level for hotkeys and adding materials and etc. or if you want a certificate! they do go very into texture painting and baking the details of your sculpt onto your lower resolution model, which the next one i'm going to recommend does not. but again you could always find how to do that for free elsewhere. i did it before the 4.2 updated videos, so i can't say anything about the new ones, but i don't think they cover manual retopology, more complex clothes, hair, or using UDIMs. and now my brief ramble on retopology: there's nothing wrong with just doing a decimate modifier if it gets the job done, but if you're wanting a model that moves, you definitely want to do it manually to make sure it deforms properly! there are a TON of videos on retopology, i would poke around different ones to see what method works best for you when the time comes, and watch (or at least skim) this to understand Why certain things in topology work like they do (like how to topologize a forehead to get a crease when someone raises their eyebrows). (though you don't always need topology to get things like that done. warning for auntie whispers's creepy self done semi-realistically.)

ornithopter course is goated for your hard surface modeling and rigging learning needs. includes learning about UDIMs. harley davidson goated for an even more complex hard surface model, but does not cover rigging or UDIMs (i think. i haven't done this one yet. just based off the preview). hard surface modeling is good to know for props, weapons, uhhh cars, carriages, things that can be a Part of a character without being the character. BUT ! it's nothing you can't logic your way through though using everything you learnt so far/in the environmental courses and a little youtube + reddit searching.

for something free, i definitely recommend this playlist by bran sculpts. it's a bit less guided than the course so you might have to pause here and there, but he goes at a medium pace and says everything he's doing. the hotkeys in the corner can be a little hard to see because of his ui scale early on, but he covers the things i listed earlier that the (original) course didn't; retopology, clothes, and hair (again idk because i haven't taken the 4.2 version). does not cover hair particles, so you will have to go elsewhere for that, but the method he does use is Very Very good.

flycat is a character sculpter who i recommend watching once you're familiar with the process. they do something a little different each video, so there's always something to learn, but they are very efficient and talented. you will have to either slow the video speed down or buy the video on gumroad to see everything they're doing, but i've gotten most of it through just slowing it down.

then for specific things, it's best to just search around! all those slightly different methods have something to offer, and what one person does might not make sense for the specific thing you need so you can always try another method. curly hair is definitely something that i'm always finding new videos on because i'm never quite satisfied with how i can get it to look.

i will also always plug the art of effective rigging (and to a lesser degree alive) for if you're planning on getting into making models move. the same guy does have a character creation course, but i haven't looked too much into it. looks like another good option though, but a little expensive compared to the other options out there

i think the biggest thing with character creation is that since it is what the most people are interested in (as far as i can tell), there are going to be a LOT of things out there to teach you for free. since they are free, they will all be missing something, so enjoy the process and look things up as you run into things you don't know while making your own models. anything you do for a humanoid model applies for a quadruped or... etc, you just will have to look a Bit harder if you're having a specific problem, or experiment and use your big brain.

other misc things: i always keep this chart on hand, very useful when transitioning from head to neck topology or hands to wrists, etc etc

shape keys can carry your animations if that's what you hope to do eventually, 2d face sprites can be controlled with bones, never be afraid of mixing mediums (taking a picture of a model from blender then drawing on top of it for example), unreal engine can be used as a compositing tool and floral scatter tool and water generator tool, annnnd my last advice is to look out for humble bundle sales. there were a few blender focused ones last year that had a bunch of really good add-ons (and a course or two) for cheap, like shaders plus, florapaint, retopoflow, and claydoh, along with like 20 others all for 35 bucks. right now, there's this concept art bundle, some of which are focused on character creation in 3d software. they tend to use zbrush and substance painter, which is a shame that they are so expensive. if only there was some way to GET these programs INTO your PC for cheap -- free even! ... .COM

[suburbanbonfire]

tagged by @18minutemajor for a hockey art share tag game! I enjoy talking about myself but am terrible at posting so this is perfect. i WILL talk too much, this is a threat.

rules: post your first ever hockey art, your latest hockey art, and your favourite hockey art, then tag three hockey artists.

FIRST ART

I made the Kraken Orb (Korb) at the end of the 22-23 season, as a commemoration, although a sort of ironic one considering i had only gotten into hockey in time for the playoffs so there are a couple players here i actually never got to see play at all before making this (Joonas, Jaycob, Burky, Fleury)

it was a whole lot of fun though! Prior to this i was in a months-long art slump after leaving a fandom, so it was a total surprise to have hockey of all things be what revitalized my art.

technically, the very first hockey art from this was Matty; you can kinda tell by the way his lines are a bit thicker than the rest since i wasn't in my groove yet. i also knew coming in that i wanted to arrange the faces in a circle, but didn't plan out beyond that, so i just made sure that i was getting a variety of head directions in my references and hoped for the best. My favorites from this are Gru, Soucy, Dunn, Schultz, Borgen, and Eeli. I think they all turned out really well.

LATEST ART

MEAT CUT MEAT CUT

this one is fun for me because it's quite different from my usual style of art, with lineart and non-realistic forms/face. I've had the concept in my head for awhile after hearing/reading so many interesting descriptions of the physical qualities that good hockey players possess.

'Sacrifice the Body' actually came in mid-art when i had an epiphany doing something like driving my car or an activity similarly unrelated. Before that, it was going to be a lil heart drawn on the chest and the going contender for the label was 'Ferda.' which would've been great, but sacrifice the body just worked too dang well with the themes.

FAVORITE ART

i mean, c'mon. it's gotta be this one.

my magnum opus, my white whale. it came out even better than i saw it in my head and i love everything about it. when i came up with the idea, i had TOTALLY forgotten that Climate Pledge has those giant windows, so when i set out to find references and saw it, it instantly made everything even better with LIGHTING!!!!

It was my first time drawing this kind of interior architecture and although there's definitely things i would do differently now, im so so proud of how it looks and turned out. I was also still drawing through my decade-old laptop at that point, so I had to split up the work on this into two files - i sketched everything, then worked ONLY on the bg until it was about 90% done, then made a flattened copy to open as a new file to draw the players on top of.

I also have a bunch of WIP shots of it in my drafts I guess I'll throw in here now!

initial sketch to get down the composition before i remembered the window | lines of the building! i actually found a 3d virtual tour of CPA from before it was built which had the PERFECT angle, so i screencapped that and straight up traced the architecture. Ultimately, the scoreboard and the paint lines ended up getting moved around.

planning out my lighting in greyscale (i really need to do this more often, i struggle with values so much, alas) | in progress bg! at this point, the ice and the boards/glass were the only things completed. I eventually said 'fuck it' to being able to see the areas behind the stands like you could in all my references, and just put the people dots all the way up.

Now the most gut-wrenching part

THE TAGS

this is where me being bad at posting comes into play, because instead i just lurk and thats not great for forming connections HERE GOES

@ruinedcasket - it has been awesome seeing your art progress! would love 2 hear your thoughts about it

@rouzys - your kraken stuff is so pretty, love how you capture likenesses

oh god oh fuck everyone else i know has already been tagged fuck oh sshit

If You Are An Artist On Hockey Twit And See This, It Is A Sign

[wanderrlust0]

sorry i wont shut up about this but i feel so conflicted right now!!D; and maybe typing it all out will help???

and I highly suggest to not read this unless you want to be here for an hour reading nonsense LOL

im seeing my bestie friday so im gonna tell her everythinggg and get her opinion on all of this before i see him again in a few days.

i just started to hang out with a "new" friend but it makes my bf uncomfortable and idk what to do about it... and tbh im not going to stop being friends with them:/ ik that sounds kinda shitty on the surface but its like asking me to cut someone off right after getting to know them.

im gonna explain almost all of the context....

okay, so... 2020 was a ruff year. it was covid and quarantine. my mom was super super strict about it. once people began to hang out in small circles bc cdc said it was okay to, while still being careful, i was still not allowed to leave my house. i felt soso isolated and alone and it was def one of my lowest moments. me & my bf were basically in a long distance relationship.. or thats what it felt like. all we had was facetime. he started to hang out with his friend from school more often (i had stuff to say to him about that & its in another post). after a couple of months, my mom finally let us see each other.. but it had to be in my backyard only and we couldn't be close. it was okay at first but after a while we got bored and wanted more. he got impatient and petty about it. i understood where he was coming from but i was trying to be as optimistic as i could, even tho it was hard. its bc even for like the 1-2 hrs i got to see him, it made my day. (my friends were also starting to hangout in their backyards but i never told my mom bc i figured she wouldnt let me go.. but when i told her afterwards, she said she would have..??)

it was getting colder outside which made it harder for us to see each other. it was also just a sucky situation and it was creating some resentment. he wanted to talk with me on ft about it and i knew it would be serious. AND IT WAS. he did most of the talking and it was leading to a breakup. BUT (this is important) he couldnt for the life of him break up with me, let alone say the words.. SO.. he suggested that we do a break. neither of us have done that before but its obvious that it means its temporary and you use that time to figure things out and get some space (we DEFINITELY shouldve been clearer about it). he got emotional and i held mine in. he was saying all these good things about me and how he still wants me in his life and that we can get together again; that we would still talk everyday and be friends. at the time, weve been dating for about a year and a half. right after we hung up i bawled my eyes out and immediately facetimed my best friend in FL.

days go by and me and him are still talking everyday, only in a more friendly, platonic manner. eventually, he starts replying later and later, he turns off his location, and its like i feel forgotten about. im so used to knowing what hes doing that now it feels weird to not know and its hard to adapt to these changes.

I download tinder to find some FRIENDS to talk to (only for girls). he was barely talking to me and i was questioning our friendship relationship (situationship i guess). although i dont remember the details of my profile, i DEF made it clear that i was on there for making friends only. i had no intention of pursuing anyone for a relationship... bc i had my "bf" still. HE clearly went a diff route during our break....too much to unpack there but in the end, it just made him want to come back to me.

So.... Snow (that is their nickname ive given them for tumblr) was one of those people who i chatted with on tinder. theyre female but identify as they/them (i dont think they used those pronouns when we first started talking tho). they msgd first and our convo was actually really long-lasting so we followed each other on IG. (theyre also not the only one i've exchanged IG with so its not like i only gave it to them). Yes, I thought they were pretty when i swiped. sue me. i think many people are pretty. its just me acknowledging when someones aesthetically pleasing. eventually, we talked less and i also went on tinder less. After about a month into me and my bfs break, he begins to talk to me more like he used to. Then he asks if he can see me bc he missed me. Still cant leave my house with him but we hang out and its nice. HE ASKS ME IF I MET ANYONE NEW. i say no and hes like ...really?you sure? I ask him the same and he says no (while breaking eye contact,, literal red flag but i was blindsided). he tells me the truth over FT and that ruined me way more than i let on. (i think he's feeling a similar way now but for diff reasons)

we got back together after and the rest of the year (2021) was super fun. weve now been together for almost 4 1/2 years! since our BREAK NOT BREAKUP (not me @ ing him when he wont even see this) me and snow comment on each others IG posts now and again. for ex, ive said they looked so prettyyy & i would compliment their makeup skills. they would reply in a cute/flattery way. thats how they reply to comments. theyre also very embellished, like with emojis. theyve commented on my pics saying i look cute and hyping me up with compliments as well. it just turned into a natural, mutual thing; idk how else to describe it. its like having an online friend where you only interact thru the comments to show kindness. LOL IDK that sounds corny but yeah. girly things i guess. & then irl its so subdued.

so aside from the comments, we would react to each others stories like once in a blue moon. they posted about watching demon slayer so i said its a good anime. i posted me and my bfs halloween costumes and they said we looked so cute. fast fwd to the end of last yr... we said happy bday to each other and i brought up the idea of possibly hanging out one day if theyre down. so yes, i asked first. they said they would love to and that they were glad i asked bc they were too anxious to ask themselves (mood). im surprised at myself that i even asked but i guess i felt comfortable enough.

(i feel like im writing my own biography omg..) anyways, we get each others numbers and talk about our schedules. we were both very busy so nothing happened. we sporadically made small talk, as one does with their internet friend, over a couple of months. we talked on IG more & also thought about the plans for when we hang out. its now like almost summer and they text me asking if i was free last minute to hang out bc they were gonna be in my town but i was busy.

its now like a month later and i see them at the mall with their friend when i was with my bf. (i already spoke about this so i wont repeat it). after that day, we finally made a day to hang out. bf wasnt happy about it; i tried to reassure him; he saw and still sees them as someone to worry about; he thinks im gonna do something stupid and act out on any fantasies i may have. he knows im bi; he sees snow as someone who looks queer. he thinks that our intentions are to get closer to each other in a way that crosses a friendship.

he saw me listening to a playlist titled sapphic energy. it just consists of songs i enjoy by female artists and ive had that playlist for a long time now. i only edited the title.. but just now i switched it back to what it was before so thats ONE thing "fixed" to make him at ease.

he doesnt believe me when i tell him that my only intention and motive here is to make a good, new friendship. THATS ALL I WANT. AND THATS ALL SNOW WANTS. i can see how it can look like its more from an outside perspective bc of our IG comments but it was not like that in person at all!! it just felt like hanging out with a friend and introducing new things to each other like shows and foods. snow even made it clear that once someone is their friend, they cant see them any other way and that formed to protect their feelings. when we hung out there were literally no signs of feelings or anything that would cross boundaries. i didnt get that feeling i get when i have a crush and lose all my brain cells. by our second hang out we were past any awkwardness and it felt like a regular day out with a friend.

I did look cute that day but i always dress up!!! i dress up like every time i see my bf. i dress up for work. i dress up when im going out with friends. i enjoy fashion and makeup and looking pretty,,

last yr he was using bumble friends and he met up with a guy but they havent hung out since. ive helped him swipe on people before and i was okay with it, except when it was like an attractive girl.. would that be hypocritical of me tho?...idk. we def both get kinda jealous over these things. i can get territorial, like he is mine lol i am his. we would never be open or add a third and the thought of him befriending new females made me nervous. especially after what happened during our break. like idk, that still sticks with me and makes me think of bad feelings..and even more especially now after finding out about what he and his friend did.. but me feeling nervous about that is like what HE is feeling (T-T) I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT I CAN DO TO HELP AND IT SUCKS. i dont think i catch feelings easily. i dont get butterflies over people easily. im not an openly sexual person.

like. am i being unfair by continuing this friendship? snow doesnt know how he feels about us. idek if its worth telling but im gonna wait till more time passes and see how things go. would him hanging out with us make him feel better?? would it be too weird? he already doesnt like the idea of snow so how would he be in a room with them.

i wanna fast fwd to friday so i can tell my bestie about it and then fast fwd to sunday so i can see him. he is still not back to his usual self when we talk on snap. he tries to save serious confrontations for in person bc he sounds angry thru text so even tho itll make me nervous, i still wanna work this out so it doesnt ruin our relationship.