#i cried so hard at the end of the trilogy i had to do something about it

[shittybundaskenyer]

✹ ▬ 𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐂𝐑𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐄𝐃 𝐒𝐏𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐒

rating: Explicit pairing: Female Shepard x Garrus Vakarian summary: the Mako breaks down in a snowstorm on Noveria. Shepard is stuck with her turian friend after some things went sideways in one of the research labs. warnings: first time gone wrong (but then so right), sex pollen, so much kissing, just pure smut (what do you want from me??), does doing it in the Mako is considered car sex?, interspecies sex, love confessions, so much fluff, Garrus is too sweet for his own good word count: 3831  

a/n: I had Mass Effect Legendary Edition on my PC for like a year and I'm now cursing myself why I've waited for so long to play the trilogy. The Bioware brainrot took me once more under its influence so I guess I'm going back to my roots. This is almost entirely is pure smut, I guess I can't write anything else nowadays but I'm embracing it now. So have this very rusty, messy love scene I wrote in a frenzy after finishing the trilogy. <33

MASTERLIST   |   ARCHIVE OF OUR OWN

Noveria is cold and white and still beautiful in that strange way only death can be. It became the noose woven around Garrus’ own neck too, when it twirled his fate and Shepard's own together in form of a messy string. 

It only started becoming strange when Shepard started to tear her armor off of her body, but by then all common sense was out, laying dead in the relentless snowstorm. She became feverish, smelling so sweet, like summer, like sun-warmed earth, like arousal that Garrus had realized all too late. They were warned by the dangers of the labs surrounding Peak 15, the tower that was like an old pine ringed by fungi, all the rot and unethical discoveries blooming under the disguise of neat little buildings that twinkled in the darkened landscape—a constellation hiding in a thick cloud of dark matter. 

He knows she was curious. He knows she only wanted to help, but Spirits, it will be the death of her one day, N7 or not, she’s only human. And she’s fragile, a goddamn glass cannon that can blow up the whole universe and crumble from hands that grip her a bit too tight at the same time. 

Liara’s warning came too late, they had to cut to the chase and there was no time to think about the consequences of Shepard's stray shot breaking open the containment cell of an unnaturally lush, succulent little flower in one of the labs. It didn’t set in until they were in the Mako and she steered the dumb tank even more recklessly than she did it stone cold sober. A boulder came, then the half of the mountain too, raining down thick globes of fresh snow until the Mako was good and well stuck. She was sweating by then, skin hot and wet and her eyes wild and Liara offered to get help from one of the nearby labs, leaving Garrus to protect his commander with his life. From what, he didn’t know. There was nothing, only snow and wind and Shepard’s warmth all around them for miles. But time trickled by like water on a glass window after a storm, slow, sluggish, and Shepard couldn’t keep herself in line anymore. 

She pleaded for a caress she always wanted from him and he wanted to give her everything instead. 

(Maybe he loved her all along.)

And now, now Liara is gone and has been gone for hours, and Garrus pushes Shepard into the Mako's seat, his forehead meeting hers, something akin to a kiss only lovers do. Her skin is damp, her hair sticking to her face in messed up crimson ribbons and he tries to trace the constellations under her eye with a blunted talon when blood floods her cheeks, making them twinkle like stars adrift a sea of nebulae. The Mako is dark but not dark enough to hide the fire flickering in her gaze, shielded by a series of curved, dark lashes. Humans and their strange hair—eyebrows and lashes and thousands of fair fuzz that stand up as he moves his hand lover, to the vulnerable skin of her throat, swiping a thumb over her pulse that jumps wildly at the touch. 

"Kiss me," she whispers, barely audible for the translator to pick up, and it almost sounds like music like this, a series of hisses and high notes, so he nuzzles his way closer to hear it once more, now pleading, the sound buzzing in her throat. 

It's beautiful in a way.

"How?" he whispers against the side of her jaw, warm plates against cooler skin, and she puts a hand to his face, five fingers splaying over his colony markings, urging him upwards until her lips can brush over his mouth. It's strange. It's unbelievably soft. Then— wet as her tongue darts out and tries to coax his mouth plates apart. 

He takes the leap and lets her in. Even if he has all the sharp teeth, even if it's wildly different from his own experiences. And Spirits, it feels good. It's tender—even though they started to tear at each other's armor before this, even though he has to clench his fingers into a fist before he scratches her in his hurry. This has to be gentle where nothing in the world is. 

His tongue meets hers, and now he understands why humans like kissing so much. He does now too. Shepard makes a sound as he tastes the inside of her mouth, the blunt edge of her teeth and sucks in a breath when Garrus pulls back to gaze down at her and find her looking dazed. 

"Alright?," he checks, always, afraid of fucking this precious thing up and Shepard has the audacity to smile. Full of teeth and curving lips, a flash of white in the darkness. 

"I'm good," she knocks her forehead against his, nuzzling him, "really good."

Garrus kisses her again as an answer, bolder now, so much braver, and he kisses and kisses her until there's no more left to give, until there's no air in her lungs. Something new shines in her eyes, in the pool of darkness that is her pupils, dilated beyond belief, ringed by a thin strip of wild green, a black hole with a halo. Want. Need. Something more. Something unbelievable. 

Garrus rumbles deep in his chest, a sound so low she can only feel its vibration against her sternum, the crook of her neck where his face finds a home. His subvocals sing so many things at once, a confession she can't understand, not yet. Contentment. Gratefulness. Lust. Love.

(Maybe I love you.)

She drags her hand across his face again, that delicate, soft hand that is only calloused in places where wielding a gun made the skin harder. She touches his fringe, and under it, where plates turn into the most vulnerable patch of hide he has on his body. His voice grows louder, more like a growl than a purr, and she smiles again, so pretty something under his keelbone jumps and bursts and flickers—a star being born. 

"That's—," he starts and he's not proud of the way his voice trembles. "That's one way to give the night a quick start."

Shepard's fingers stop in their movement, but before she could pull away he takes a hold of her forearm and soothes a thumb over the inside of her wrist, guiding her back to that spot. 

"Am I hurting you?" 

"Spirits, no," he flicks a mandible at her, his way of smiling, and Shepard puts her mouth to his jaw as her confidence grows. Garrus can feel the plates at his sheath slowly parting and somehow he's hyperaware of her body trapped against his, her knee brushing his own, warm even through metal and ceramic plates. 

They have to strip down that damn armor, like, right now. 

But Shepard knows this, feels this too, and her hand disappears so she can grab the waist of his pants and tug on it, even though turian armor is not designed in a way that it could make it come off easily. 

"Help me, will you?" she asks against the side of his mandible, face and incredibly soft lips still so close, her eyelashes brushing his jaw as she looks down between them in the dark and Garrus desperately wishes that he could feel that fluttering. Instead, he's stripping. The rest of his undersuit that was hanging by his hips goes lower when he unfastens every little clasp and belt he has around his spurs. 

Shepard licks his mouth. He rumbles again, louder when the thin fabric of protective weave finally pools on the Mako's floor, and he's right up there against her, pressing close, so close, until his keel digs between her breasts and his side is framed by her knees and he kisses her the human way, with so much tongue and want it leaves her breathless. 

"How much time do we have?" he asks against the underside of her ear, finding a soft spot there, one that pulls a whimper from her. 

"Barely any," she hisses and lets him nibble on the curve of her neck. "Gonna make the most of it?"

"Trying to," he smiles, mandibles catching her messy hair, blood red on silver, hands going up to cradle her nape, to get lost in that soft sea of crimson. 

Shepard likes this, likes the feel of his hide on her skin and she wants more, wants no barriers in those minimal, quiet gaps the differences of their bodies create. Negative space filled with heat and some unintelligible emotion, something like summer, something like home. She melds her body to his and Garrus can't help the low resonance his subvocals start to make. 

"Am I hurting you?" she whispers as she lays tiny kisses on his neck, just beside the edge of the plates shielding his spine. "You're trembling."

"No, I just—," his breath hitches as those kisses turn into gentle nips. Right where a bondmark would go. Spirits, he's slipping. She can't know this, she can't— "You just found all the good buttons to push."

He feels her smirk on his hide. He wants to have her mark here, even though the thought terrifies him.

(Maybe I love you.)

"You know I'm good at pushing buttons."

Garrus chuckles but it comes out rasped. He doesn't care. Not when he can feel her body vibrating, shivering as his hands finally roam downwards, onto her sides, her hips, the soft of her belly that is so blessedly bare. 

He slides a talon along the muscles leading down, around the small divot in the middle, lower still where Shepard's already lifting her hips up to let him free her of her undersuit pants. There's still some fabric that remains, covering her most intimate parts but she grabs his hands and makes him grip the fabric of it in a hurry. 

"Pull this down too," she whisper-commands and he obliges, skims the tips of his blunted talons over the jut of her hipbones, a feature all too familiar on a body made of infinite curves. It traps his gaze, the small hills and valleys, freckled here too, and hairy when he gazes lower, a trail of tiny red curls disappearing between lush thighs as he reveals more of her skin. 

The undergarment only gets down one leg, dangles on the other by her knee when he pries apart her thighs, makes himself at home right in the cradle of them. This is all too fast and all too hot, but none of them complains as they meet in another heated kiss. She smells different like this, stronger, sweet and tangy and something else, pure arousal he realizes, and Garrus can't hold himself back any longer, can't will the swollen edges of his sheath to stay closed. 

"Show me how to touch you," he asks, almost pleads, because damn, he can't be selfish with her, not when he trusts her with his life and wants all the happiness the world can offer for her. That too, is a confession he's not ready to make, not for himself and not for her, but Shepard stops him in his thoughts as she puts her hand back right under his fringe, driving him wild. 

"None of that right now," she pants, breathless as his hands go bruising on her hips. "I just want you inside me."

Fuck, this was not the way Garrus thought he would die.

"I don't want to hurt—" she interrupts him with another kiss, then a hand on his stomach, low enough to almost graze the plates on his groin. 

"Please, Garrus," it's a plea. Broken and rasped. Raw, like a fresh wound. Why is she suffering? 

"Don't let me hurt you. I could not live with myself and the consequences."

"You're sweet," she smiles quietly, looking up at him from under the shadow of those long lashes, eyes burning with fire and want and that same thing that eats his heart alive, while it still beats a wild rhythm only for her. 

Garrus touches a hand between her legs, follows the trail of fascinating hair to where it parts in a seam of flesh, soft folds hiding a hot, wet warmth. It's familiar enough, so much more slick and so much smaller, but there's give in the muscle lower, where his finger finally dips inside her. Spirits, that’s—

She angles her hips, and moans, right beside his ear when his finger slips deeper, almost to the last knuckle in one go and damn if that's not something he'll remember for the rest of his life. 

"C'mon," her lips brush the word against his mandible. He puts his forehead to hers and pulls his hand away, moving her instead, three fingers splayed on the jut of a hipbone. 

It takes a little more shuffling, a little more angling and gripping for him to slot himself right at the apex of her thighs, her warmth scorching here, a sun, a red giant star, her wetness smearing on the bare hide of his stomach and then he's holding her firm and letting his sheath finally, blessedly open, his cock sliding out and into her in a slow, perfect motion. 

Shepard doesn't breathe. She can't. Garrus can feel her shuddering against his keel as he keeps filling her, making way for himself inside her even though there's barely any. He never thought she could— that she would have all of him, like this, with her leg cramping up around his hip, with her throat full to bursting with unsaid curses and whimpers. His subvocals scream, his mind fogged by the feeling of her oh so close, so perfect, so beautiful like this, with her hands bruising his neck and her lips open on some silent shout. 

"Fuck, Garrus I—," there's a hitch in her breath, then a fluttering squeeze right on his cock, her muscles clenching up. He's gonna lose his mind just like how he lost control of his voice. 

(I love you.)

“I got you,” he murmurs instead, eyes half-closed, hands still gripping her waist. “I got you sweetheart.”

Shepard squirms, pulls his face right down to her, then lower, into the crook of her neck and a deep urge surfaces in him, an instinct buried deep under centuries of civilized life and culture, yet it was never erased from his genes. He evolved like this, with the want, the need, to bite, to mark something that he wants to forever keep his own. Turians mate for life. If she leaves now, he thinks he will die. Can another soul be ripped from his own? He would gladly lay in a cold grave with her. Would follow her to the end of the universe and back, just so he can protect her. Shield the one that wants to keep the world from crumbling. Travel through all the stars and Mass Relays laying dormant, see all the wild emptiness and beauty of the galaxy and it would still be nothing compared to the way she looks up at him now. 

There’s water collecting at her pinched brows; sweat, he remembers, and he lifts a hand there to swipe it away. Her eyes are wet too, glossy, glinting in the low light like a starry night sky over home.  

“Garrus—” she presses out between her teeth, her face scrunched up in a frown of pain-pleasure he assumes, because she never makes a move to push him away, to halt this perfect joining. He hopes it’s okay. He hopes he’s not fucking this up. Losing her after this would be a killing blow. A heart-shaped bullet hole right on his heart. 

“Just tell me how,” he takes her cheek in his palm, angles her so that he can kiss her. Slowly. Softly. It’s a fleeting thing that ends with her nipping on his mouth, his tongue, just to get his attention. Like his every nerve was not focused on her anyway from the start. 

“Please move,” she murmurs against his mandible, her body squeezing him tight, making him groan. He pulls back a little, testing, careful, always so afraid of hurting her, his tough girl, but Shepard smiles and it’s enough to make him thrust shallowly into her. “Yeah, you feel so good.”

Garrus’ vision whites out for a second as her insides tug him back inside, so warm and so wet that a messy patch is already forming between their bodies, his sheath hitting her folds, the friction blinding, and the sight even more as he looks down, fringe tangled into her hair, and in the darkness he finds himself nestled deep, her cunt stretched around him, glistening in their combined want. 

He moves, spirits, he moves. And his chest rumbles and his hands shake and his mandibles twitch at her cheek and his heart aches so damn hard it makes his breaths get stuck in his lungs like trapped creatures in a bone cage. 

(I love you so damn much.)

She moves with him like a tide, like water rising on an endless black ocean alight with stars, then falling back, and even though he knows she's the most horrible dancer the galaxy has, she follows the steps of this tango by heart. Maybe because it's wanted. Maybe because it's with him. He desperately wishes that it would be true. 

"I won't last long like this," his voice is barely picked up by the translator and he knows this, hopes that she doesn't mind the sounds he makes. They're real. So perfectly clear in their meaning, so sure in expressing something he's not yet ready to say when she can understand. 

(I love you, I love you, I love you.)

She puts a palm to his stomach, just above his sheath, five lithe fingers mapping out the narrow lines of his sides, and damn, it makes his cock twitch, makes him thrust in roughly for the first time. There's a sound of delight. It comes from her, head tipped back and lips smeared with spit and red strands of hair, like fresh blood after a good brawl. 

"Yes," she breathes out, dragging him down to her, clinging to him tightly as he finally moves his hips in a hard, steady rhythm. His knees are gonna kill him later but it doesn’t matter because he’s with her, joined like lovers, like mates.

She takes his hand, leads it over her body, to the divot of her collarbones, her sternum, the dip of her stomach, then the soft of her belly where she makes him press down a little, makes him feel the distinct shape of him moving inside her. That's something entirely new. 

It makes him even more aware of the fact that this small, fragile woman would take up a krogan in a fistfight and come out alive. It makes him lose his mind. It makes some sick, posessive part of him growl and rumble and hold her so tight he's sure her hips are gonna bruise. 

"Shepard," he hisses, one hand gripping the seat behind her to find more leverage, her sounds getting louder, out of breath and high-pitched, his name a silent mantra only muttered with gaping lips. “Show me how to make you come.”

She whimpers, clutches his fingers tighter on her navel. The talons of his other hand tear the Mako’s seat behind her. She drags his palm over the mound of hairy flesh where they join, and he enjoys carding his talons through the curls, then she takes a thick finger and places the pad of it just above where he’s stretching her open with his cock, on a small bundle of swollen flesh that instantly makes her tighten around him. This is something he could never get used to—the tight warmth clinging to him like a second skin under Palaven’s unforgiving sun. He swipes his thumb over it, then draws a slow circle. The tightness becomes almost unbearable. He keens.  

“Damn clever turian,” she hiccups, grinding into his touch, into his unsteady thrusts, her hand gripping his wrist instead, not guiding but trying to steady herself. “I’m so close, Garrus.”

He nuzzles her jaw at that, forehead meeting forehead after, then lips with plates, tongue with tongue. The kiss breaks off in a series of desperate gasps, and Garrus murmurs against her, “let me come with you. Senna, please I—”

“Love you,” she pants into the crook of his neck, teeth grazing him, and then biting in when he pushes his whole length into her, the stretch unbearable, her words ringing in his ears like endless echoes in a hallway made of dark matter and stardust, and he claims her, puncturing her shoulder and filling her cunt, his tie growing, the taste of her blood bursting on his tongue. Sweet. Salty. Iron. Just like her. 

She tightens on him impossibly so, and then there’s a fluttering, her muscles spasming violently in an orgasm that makes her legs shake and her stomach jump. His thumb slowly stops moving on the bundle of flesh she showed him when her short nails dig forcefully into his forearm. 

(I love you, I love you, I love you—)

Subvocals screaming, his whole body trembling, he finally releases her flesh, knocks his nose against hers until her eyes flutter open, dazed and unfocused, brimmed with tears, pupils dilated to infinity. She smiles, blunt teeth flashing white and blue in the low light, and it takes him a few seconds to realize that it’s his own blood on her lips. 

He leans down to lick it off, to embrace her tighter, to feel the taste of her tingle in the back of his throat. She bit him. She marked him for life.

“I love you so damn much, baby.”

It’s out and it’s his own shot right through his heart, a shard of metal carved out just in the shape of her, and Garrus knows that nothing ever will be the same. The marks, the blood, his tie cradled by her fluttering warmth, his heart laying bare out in the snow, thawing in her warmth. 

Turians don’t like the cold, but Shepard scorches and it's just the right way.

“Thank you,” she whispers, weak now, entirely spent, but not influenced by the poison of want anymore. “I know this was… not how a first date should’ve happened but…” she bites the bruised swell of her bottom lip and he smooths a hand over her cheek, brushing away sticky hairs from her face. “Can we… have a next time?”

Garrus flicks out his mandibles in a smile and hugs her tighter, reassuring, eyes full of hope and wonder and her own disheveled reflection, “I want all the next times with you.”

“Good,” her grin tickles his hide, mischievous now. “I’m looking forward to it.”

(I do too. I do, I do, I do.)

[calibratemehard]

Alrighty folks I finished the game. I will put non-spoiler thoughts here and then put my spoiler thoughts under the cut. Again, these are MY OPINIONS. I am happy to hear your thoughts but I'm not arguing with you because you won't change my mind.

* holy shit this is a big game

* Mournwatch is the best faction in my opinion. Idk they're just cool and not problematic lol

* there is some retconning of established facts, but I take it this way: it's been a long time since the original trilogy's events. Origins was canonically sometime almost 20 years before Veilguard - think of life 20 years ago, it was very different. A lot can change and gods coming back changes a lot. Factions grow and change and become something different. Also this is NORTHERN Thedas, an area we've never played in. With few exceptions we've always had companions from the south and learned information about the north second hand. I think that's important to keep in mind when people complain about things not staying the same or 'lore accurate.'

* I still recommend picking the same faction as your projected romantic interest

* The cameos are ... Fine. Again, it's been a long time in game. Are you the same person you were 10 years ago? 20 years? I think Morrigan is the most disappointing but my headcanon is that motherhood has really suited her, also a decision she made off screen that is explained to you during the course of the game also made her personality make a little more sense

* I think I liked this game because I went in with an open mind. I have always loved Bioware games for the writing and the companions and this game has those in spades. I loved how fleshed out the characters were though it doesn't approach the levels that say, Baldur's Gate 3 reaches. But overall it was an enjoyable experience, around 65 hours for me to finish just about everything. Though maybe shave off about 5 hours for the character creator, which was great.

Okay so now for the spoilers. DO NOT OPEN IF YOU DON'T WANT SPOILERS!!

* I maxed out all of my companions and factions and nearly 100% every area. There was no quest undone. I think that's why I got a good ending, namely Solas agreeing to bind himself to the Veil, sharing a big kiss with Lavellan, and walking into the Fade together. I did lose one member, Harding, and that fucking sucked. I haven't looked into spoilers so I don't know if switching her and Davrin would have made a difference cause Davrin is a Warden and would have fared better against the blight idk. I'll have to look into it. Overall I was happy though.

* I ... Should have seen the Varric twist but I wasn't looking for it so it just passed over me. I was devastated, but I think that it was well done and well earned. Still sad though. That was the second time I cried during the finale, after Harding.

* This felt like a Bioware game to me. It felt big, it felt complex, and the humor was always there. The QoL improvements and expansion of classes and abilities made this so much fun.

* I felt the romances were lacking a bit in content, though Emmrich had suuuuch a sweet and gentle romance. I loved it so much. They banged in a graveyard in what I assume is a coffin. A+ love him, love Manfred. I just wish I had kiss options a la BG3. I got spoiled. 😅

* I'll play this again. And again. That's how my brain works. I think they need to patch a sort of 'golden nug' option into the game and a new game plus to make things better. If there are DLC, I'll happily play them.

[tiredfoxtf]

top five movies?

Okay this is going to be BAD, because... I don't watch much movies. I really do understand Gem a lot in this case, I live under a rock . I understand that you are asking about Live action movies. But I give you animated movies separately too.

Live Action:

The Fifth Element Yeah, from the 1997, I had a vhs tape with it! And as I child I REALLY liked the movie, although I haven't seen it in a WHILE. But it has absolutely remained in my top 5. Also probably I don't watch many movies, but also because I had watched this one like 30 times, so many times me mum couldn't stand it anymore. lol

The Blade II It came out in 2002, which is actually as old as me... Listen, I had the entire Blade trilogy as a 7 year old and I LOVED IT to death. I think it's actually my first vampire media and I cannot say no to it ever. I just really love the second part of the trilogy more, what can I say!

The Spy Kids I also had them on VHS!!!! I loved that movie and I watched it as an adult and I STILL LOVE IT. It's so whimsy and probably inspired so many of my imaginary scenarios! This movie and Totally Spies! were the reason I was so fixated on the genre as a kid.

The Bridge to Terabithia I cried SO hard at the end, great movie, I watched it for the first time when I already was adolescent so it hit me hardddd.

The Guardians of The Galaxy It was a fun movie, but I actually wanted to put something else here. I CANNOT for the love of me remember the name, the year or anything else about the movie I watched, besides that it was like about a school or college where could go the most talented in the city or something. And there were multiple protagonists that we followed through the film and it was great, I would love to watch it again

The Animated Movies:

My Neighbour Tottoro Of studio Ghibli!!!! I loveee this movie!!! It's so cute and cozy!!! It means a lot to me!!!

King Fu Panda Whatever you think, you underestimate just how much I love this stupid movie.

The Rain Children Idk why, but it's so good, it forever imprinted on me brain.

Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs Do not ask, but it's genuinely one of the most funny and feeling movies to me.

Shrek 2 No explanation needed.

I chose them for their pure sentimental value. Not objective quality. Otherwise we all know Shrek 2 would be number one.

[slxsherwriter]

Lost Strays

Fandom: House of 1000 Corpses / Firefly trilogy

Pairing: Developing Otis x female reader

Word Count: 2,424

Warnings: Kidnapping, blood, violence, Otis being Otis

Author's Note: Part two of the Supernatural Au I have created for Otis and his family. More of an understanding is established between reader and the family.

Freedom. That was what being out here without a pack afforded you. Well, that wasn't entirely true. Not any more. The Firefly family had become a makeshift pack of sorts for you. When you had broken away from your pack years ago, you had sworn off any sort of attachments and a pack. It was far more work and effort than it was worth. Plus, most didn't think the way that you did. But the Fireflys? They may be humans but they were far more creatures like you than anyone you had come across, kindred spirits. A proper pack in a way. Different from traditional ways, of course. You both stuck to your makeshift territories, respecting the drawn lines in a manner of speaking. The longer it went on though, the more those bonds strengthened and the figurative distance closed.  

As the weeks went on, you became accustomed to chasing some prey into their domain and having them send one in return. A system that worked well and kept both ends satisfied. A routine of sorts, specific nights set aside to allow it should either of you have prey. A respect and mutual enjoyment of the few that did come through the remote area of Texas. Then again, the family never seemed to have any sort of issue drawing in anyone from town. A benefit more to you than it was to them when it came to the exchange system.

Tonight was not one of those nights. In fact, you had decided that you weren't doing much of anything. A nice soft spot on one of the gentle sloping hills had become your current home. Eyes closed, you simply basked in the rays of the moon and the peace that surrounded. That was until the sounds of dead grass crunching underfoot and desperate panting reaching your ears. Now, that wasn't something to be ignored. It was hard to tell which direction it was coming from at first. Almost an echoing of the sound in the empty space. Curious. Of course, they were easily recognizable sounds. Panic always induced the same sort of reaction in all prey animals. 

With it not being a night for them to send someone your way though, you found yourself unsure what to make of it. Had someone managed to escape? That wasn't like Otis and his family. Before you could get to your feet, the sounds grew closer still. All before…

"Please! Help!" Ah, there it was. It seemed that perhaps one had indeed managed to escape the clutches of the homestead. A unique situation, one that you quickly needed to decide on how to handle. Violence could result in some tension between yourself and the family. As much as you longed in that moment to sink your teeth into soft flesh. Plus, there was no telling what they had already done to the body. It had taken two weeks to get the taste of chemicals and drugs off of your tongue. Bringing her back would likely result in more good will. So, bring it back. You just needed to figure out the best way to do that. And there wasn't a lot of time to get that sorted as the steps grew closer and closer. You were quiet, near silent as you moved towards the small tree line that dotted the land. 

You needed to know exactly where the prey was coming from, which direction that the frantic movements were heading in. The individual would be disoriented and confused, another disadvantage for them and something so easy to play off of for you. But how?

With no car, there wasn't an option to play pretend that you had stopped because you heard the cries for help. Walking alone in the dead of night didn't create too many trustworthy explanations. Especially on the land that you called home. The best option would be to play pretend victim yourself. In a frantic panic, most lost their sense of direction. A few subtle nudges and you could have the little bunny heading right back to the proverbial wolf's den. 

It was difficult to wipe the eager grin from your face. It wasn't often that you had to play victim, much preferring watching the abject horror and confusion as people struggled to figure out how your small frame could wreck so much damage. So, you were a little out of practice. Rolling your shoulders, it took a second to pick up on the direction before you were stumbling through the dry grass and dirt. 

"Help!" The call out in return would hopefully grab attention and not make this woman second guess anything. She just needed to get close enough for you to grab her. In the dark, she wouldn't realize that you weren't bloodied or ragged looking until it was far too late. Human eyes were all but pathetic in the dark. Worse so when enough trauma had been sustained. Survival instinct was one thing but oftentimes, all the senses were so dulled that mistakes to capitalize on were abundant. Just as anticipated and hoped for, there was a response called out just moments later. 

"Hello?" She was closer than she had been just seconds before. That was it, little lamb. Keep moving closer and closer. God, it was incredibly difficult to restrain yourself. But you could not let your need get the best of you. This kill wasn't yours. "Hey! Where are you?" How stupid could they really get? Sometimes they really made it too easy. The footsteps drew ever closer until you could finally lay eyes on the woman. She looked like she had been through the ringer, clearly running on adrenaline with the injuries that she had sustained. It would be the only explanation that pointed to her movements. A desperation to live. It was almost a shame to bring her back. Almost. The iron scent of her blood hung heavy in the air, the scent practically coating your tongue, testing your self restraint and control. 

"Jesus Christ. What happened to you?" You stumbled a bit, knowing she wouldn't be able to clearly make out your lack of injuries just yet. A few more steps and she was playing right into your hand. 

"I just escaped. They….they tried to kill me. They are crazy!" Now that she was within reach, you straightened your posture and snatched at her arm, a vice grip that wouldn't escape. Panic flooded her scent, eyes widened and she went to pull away.

"Shame for you that you didn't make it far enough to really escape. Counting your chickens before all the eggs have hatched. Really, you are all the same and it becomes so boring after a while." 

"Let me go!" She struggled, thrashing against your hold and a growl erupted from you. Oh, screw this. You weren't in the mood to entertain a struggle if she wasn't going to be your prey. Her horror and desperation only grew as she watched the way that your features morphed and bones shifted. A clawed hand wrapped around her throat, releasing the hold on her arm. Weak human fingers clawed at your wrist, a fight for survival that was built into her very DNA. "Please…let me go. I don't want to die." The words were gasped out, behind the pressure you were applying to her throat. You just needed her to pass out to make bringing her back to the farm easier. And within moments, the struggle was slowing before muscles fell lax, causing you to loosen your grip just enough so you didn't end up killing her. Grunting and huffing, you tossed the body over your shoulder and began to make your way towards the property.

****

You had crossed over that imaginary border and were a few minutes from the farmhouse when you heard the cursing. Seemed that they did know that they had a missing plaything. 

"She is long fucking gone by this point! Fuck. Just what we fucking need. Now we need to go out there and fucking find her in the dark." Otis. Clearly, he was agitated as all hell. "This is your fucking fault, Baby. I told you to leave her chained up downstairs. You better fucking hope that she hasn't gotten far." You could hear the indignant sound that came from the younger blonde, meaning she did not agree with the statement. You knew that the threat was fairly empty. Otis wouldn't harm family, even if he grandstanded about it. 

"No way! It's not my fault that the fucking chain snapped in my room. Besides, RJ was in the living room when she ran through and got to the door."

"She never would have made that far if you left her where she fucking was!" Oh, this was not something that you wanted to get in the middle of but the presentation of the female should calm them both down enough that you could leave without being pulled into the family drama. You made sure to give a rumbling growl, not wanting to get shot. You had made that mistake only once when you had visited their home for the second time.

"For fuck sakes, I have to take care of everything," Otis growled out before turning his attention to you. "The fuck you want, Bunny? We got…" You watched as his eyes zeroed in on the body that you had over your shoulder, causing him to trail off mid sentence. Yeah, more important things to take care of, which happened to be the body over your shoulders.

Getting to the porch, you unceremoniously dropped the body down, a groan coming from her to let them know that she was still alive before even having to ask. Shifting back, you rolled your neck. The resulting pop brought a satisfied sigh from you.

"Caught a stray. You know, it's generally recommended to keep your pet's on short leashes." Baby snickered and Otis rolled his eyes but for once didn't have a snarled comment to bite back with as he leaned down to check over the body. "She's still alive. Didn't do anything but choke her out to make getting her back here easy. Wasn't my kill and frankly, if she continued struggling, I was going to ignore that and rip out her fucking throat." By now, she was coming to, though the blow she took when you dropped her may have helped that process out.

"Baby, take her downstairs and chain her the fuck up properly this time." Baby grumbled about the entire task but for once decided that she wasn't going to back talk Otis. Instead, she grabbed the stray by the hair and yanked the newly conscious woman to her feet.

"You aren't getting away again this time. You really fucked yourself…" Her voice trailed off as the door closed. Otis turned his attention to you now that you were alone, thinking for a moment before deciding to speak. 

"Would have been an easy meal," he started off, almost offhandedly. Like he was goading you into something. At this point, you had been around long enough to know better. 

"Learned my fucking lesson. Swear, I still taste whatever shit you drugged that last lamb with. Get why you do it, but don't want that shit on my tongue." A disgusted look twisted your features as you recalled the memory, enough so that Otis was outright laughing. Bastard would find amusement in it. You didn't put it past him to send the next lamb over to you loaded upon something. Just for kicks.

"Don't act like such a fucking baby about it, Bunny. Ain't my fucking fault that you got a sensitive palate and can't handle shit." You rolled your eyes. At least the return of his plaything had put the man in a seemingly better mood. "Well, fuck. You're here now. Come on in. Ma made some spare ribs and there are leftovers. Since you didn't get your kill tonight." The invitation no longer came as a surprise. The longer your relationship with the Fireflys lasted, the more it seemed that Otis actually saw you as a part of his pack. Or well, family since he didn't see it as a pack, being human and all. Or maybe he just saw you as a pet. It was hard to tell exactly what went on in his brain. Something that always kept you on your toes. An annoyance with anyone else but acceptable with him. 

"She make it with that sweet barbecue this time?" You stepped closer, up onto the porch and leaned against the railing. One time, you had the meal one time, and while you preferred your meat much more raw without too much coating, the cooking that came from the matriarch of the Firefly clan had sold you. 

"Do you fucking want them or not?" There was the attitude, though there was the hint of a smile on his face and anger didn't radiate off him like it typically did. Pleased, he seemed pleased with the interaction. Something that once more had the wolf preening, wanting to continue to please the figure that you now saw as alpha. Hardly something admitted aloud, or else the asshole would run with it. And frankly, while the attraction was there and things were coming along, you weren't sure if that was something you wanted to pursue. Besides, the last thing you needed to do was give him any ammunition to use against you.

"Yeah, I do." 

"Then get that ass inside already. Christ, didn't fucking know you needed a personal fucking invitation." You chuckled and decided not to push your luck any further than you had the last few minutes. Opening the door, you were barely able to get through the threshold before the contact came, his hand landing a swift smack against your ass. An embolden move that had happened a handful of times before, though it still once again drew a growl out of you, turning your eyes to the man behind you. The entirely too pleased look on his face told you that he had been waiting for the moment. A brow rose, challenging you to say anything about it and the words caught in your throat. For once. Swallowing them down, you opted instead to roll your eyes and move further into the home as he had directed. Not because he had directed it, no. It was on your own volition. 

"Asshole."  Huffing, it was accepted as another development in your integration into the pack. 

[caesarflickermans]

I’m the anon, I didn’t know you shipped Kabby too that’s cool. I’ve read your analysis which I find it interesting. I’ll only correct you on effie’s arc in the movies cause i think you had missed something and it can happen to not have grasp it, so I’ll just add this. Book and movie effie have a different fate (that ends in the same way) that fits her character in both the adaptations: book effie is less present in cf and she has a subtle development due to the fact that whenever she was showing sign of emotions something else happened or it was just a line so it was not that noticed yet she was still sad, cried and proposed the golden tokens. Not knowing her fate during most of the mj book was to make readers think that she had either been executed or that she was fine but then surprise we meet her at the end when in just few lines we discovered that she had been captured, tortured and that she had a vacant look in her eyes. That trauma is what make her sympathetic.

Movie effie on the contrary had a more on-screen development due to the fact that the movies were in third person, she also talks about the four of them as a team and she apologize to them saying that she is sorry for what happened and is happening and that is what makes us sympathize with her. So it happens before. Her being brought in D13 makes sense in the movie verse cause Katniss and her are let’s say closer. And bc she had already a significant development. She stands with the mockingjay and we see it through her wardrobe. She first have a customize uniform cause she feels insecure, untrusty and unwelcomed in d13 (that’s how SHE feels) but she wears something gold that ties her with Katniss then slowly she starts to wear the same jumpsuit of the others in 13 meaning that she starts to feel welcomed and fully believes in the revolution (from 75% to 100%), but she still wears gold. She does think the revolution is necessary as she says ���let’s bring back democracy” but she is a morally grey character with flaws and those are still showed in part 1&2. That doesnt un-do her development of cf, on the contrary it highlighted it making her more complex :)

I really liked Effie's more subtle and slower development in the books, hence why I've outlined and focused on it more. I know fans of hers (and that was me as well!) were delighted to have more, but the quantity did not feel like quality to me.

I'll agree to disagree with you on some interpretations of movie Effie. Every example you mention is focused on her feelings toward Haymitch, Katniss, and Peeta. She was inactive in 13 (again, why did the regime allow her to consume their resources without punishment) until Plutarch approached her about Katniss. Her journey you outline is that of caring for three people, but that does not make her a revolutionary or a believer in the revolution. Had she had scenes in the movie or the book where she reflected on the systematic oppression, I'd have bought into that arc, but she does not.

And I'll say that I like that about her !! She's a perfect example of a neoliberal white woman who learns that slurs are bad but who still believes in the fact that poor people are poor because they don't try hard enough. Her failure to grasp the injustices she represented each year are making her a realistic and interesting character as her indoctrination defines her to the end of the trilogy. And I LOVE flawed characters !! It's why I've attached blind spots to all the major characters I'm writing creatively who are part of the rebellion. None of them "fully" grasp it.

Unfortunately, and that's why I've turned away from the character & ship, I've felt that the movies I watched and the versions I've seen were ignorant to these flaws. I assume some part of it was discomfort in sitting with morally grey characters, especially when they were, in essence, part of the oppressing group. Effie has seemingly been viewed with rose-tinted glasses by many, including Francis Lawrence.

The scene you mention to allude to her finally having understood the rebellion ("let’s bring back democracy") happens at the beginning of MJ, so hardly a conclusion to her character journey if several other aspects mentioned occur later. This scene was originally supposed to be Plutarch's scene and Plutarch's words. Due to the actor's death, the only option was Effie, as Haymitch had his reveal scene later. I don't buy her saying or believing these words. Effie was raised in a fascist society and is the representation of the average Capitol citizen. I don't think she knows or grasps democracy, nor understands why it is necessary because her character flaw is not grasping systematic injustice. The scene also felt contrived in Cinna having given the book to Effie, but this isn't the focus here. If the sole hint for her to have developed a grasp of the overall rebellion's necessity hinges on the on-set death of an actor and the scrambling to keep that scene alive, that's a pretty weak character arc whose scene is out of character because it was never meant to be hers to begin with.

[dereks-kennel]

You should talk about your Frat days! Like, what sorta stuff did you do, music you were listening tooo (I know you’re a fan of The Weeknd don’t lie), and overall your favorite memories of your Frat boy days!

(Even if they are messed up ones hehe!)

Frat days? God. You mean the brief, glorious window where no one expected me to pretend I had morals? Yeah, those were fun.

It was all late nights, loud bass, and worse decisions. We blasted The Weeknd like it was a gospel Trilogy on loop, full volume, full red cup. That was the soundtrack to half my bad ideas and most of my best ones. I still can’t hear “Coming Down” without tasting vodka and someone else's regret.

We used to do this thing called “Blood on the Dancefloor” nightname stolen from MJ, obviously, because subtlety was never the point. You had to get someone to cry before the party ended. Bonus points if they begged. I was undefeated!

“Piss Week” We had this thing during pledge week—one of the dumb traditions we kept just to weed out the weak. We'd dump a bucket of mop water from the third-floor balcony every time someone knocked on the front door. Told pledges it was a blessing from “Saint Icarus.” One guy cried. I offered him a towel and then wrapped it around his neck and told him he could either clean the floor or hang himself. He cleaned the floor. Later that night, he asked me if I respected him now. I told him, “No. "

“The Wedding Ring Incident” There was this girl. Older. Married. Met her at some donor event we crashed for the free champagne. She told me she’d never cheated before. I told her I’d never slept with someone that honest before. We hooked up on the piano in the rec hall while her husband gave a speech two rooms over. I wore her ring around my neck for a week like a trophy. When she begged for it back, I slipped it into her drink. She almost choked. I laughed.

“The Coffin Game” We once dared a pledge to sleep in a wooden shipping crate for three days. No phone, no light, just a bottle of water and a pillow. He agreed. Idiot. We forgot about him on day two. Remembered on day four. He was still in there. Barely spoke for a week after. But he didn’t drop. That guy? I respect him. I still don’t know his name.

“Rooftop Wrestling” Me, some other trust fund psycho were blacked out and decided the best way to settle a dare was shirtless Greco-Roman wrestling on the sixth-story roof. I cracked two ribs and still won. Security wouldn’t look me in the eye after that. Ahh, good times.

“Backpack Full of Bones” We did a scavenger hunt once where the goal was "most illegal item wins." One guy brought weed. Cute. I brought a human rib. Don’t ask where from. Don’t ask if it was old. Don’t ask who I got it from. Just know I won, and the trophy’s still in my Storage. Mutt’s seen it. She didn’t flinch. That’s how I knew she was real.

“Crossing Borders, Leaving Wreckage” Drove a stolen car across the border for a girl who said she liked “spontaneity.” Dumped her at a gas station when she got annoying. The car? Lit it on fire for a photo op. Posted it on an anonymous board with the caption “this is what love looks like when it’s done right.” Cops never caught me, too busy blaming someone poorer.

“The Snuff Room” There was this guy in the frat who thought he was scary. Thought he’d been through things. So I showed him something. Dad had this hard drive he thought I didn’t know about. I showed it to the guy. Locked the door. Turned the lights off. Didn’t let him leave until he watched every minute. He pissed himself. Told me I was sick.

“The Body in the Well” The frat had this disused septic shaft behind the property line. Cement ring, overgrown. One night, a townie tried to break probably looking to steal a laptop or some pills. He got caught. We didn’t call the cops. We made him strip and told him to crawl into the well “to think about it.” We left him there overnight. The next morning, he was gone. Clothes were still there, though. Nobody asked questions. I still have his belt, Good leather.

Good times~

#campuslegendnoconsequence#whatdisciplinaryhearing#weallgotawaywithit#ahhgoodtimes

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Drabble (11) Masterlist

part one, part two, part three, part four, part five, part six, part seven, part eight, part nine, part ten

A Piece of Me (ao3) - Sinninghowlter

Summary: Dan is obsessed with Polaroids. Phil loves kissing Dan.

a snapshot (ao3) - yonpote

Summary: phil takes a photo

Aqua-scaping (ao3) - R3ad3r1

Summary: Dan has a new hobby, Phil tries to be a responsible adult.

can i call you tonight? (ao3) - oihesmine

Summary: texts between long distance d&p

can't wait for you to be back (ao3) - okaydoomer

Summary: Dan is on tour and they miss each other so much.

Continents Apartment (ao3) - floweretfairies

Summary: Dan’s stroking his cock, reaching for his phone. He needed his man, but they were continents apart.

costume (ao3) - SylvesterLester

Summary: Phil normally puts on a costume. But not today.

Cream on Cream on Cream (ao3) - Nefertiti1052 (Succubusphan)

Summary: Phil walks out of the shower in all his glory and Dan has a little surprise in store for him.

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder (ao3) - talentisntgenius

Summary: Dan leaves and Phil trusts he'll come back.

Drips Through (ao3) - artbabe

Summary: Dan goes outside to smoke at a party. Phil joins him.

finally (ao3) - bloodyscarab

Summary: finally, you've come along

the way i feel about you, just can't be wrong

First Day (ao3) - ahappyphil

Summary: Dan goes back to uni

home is such a lonely place without you (ao3) - nivi_chip

Summary: Phil during the US leg, Dan finally coming home. Fluff ensues.

Honeybee (ao3) - Scuddleduck

Summary: Dan sings a sweet silly song to Phil in the kitchen.

hotter than i've ever been (ao3) - dizzy

Summary: Halloween is strong drinks and a balmy late night breeze and Dan ripping his fishnets then laughing until he cries about it.

I Like my Men How I Like my Gin and Tonic (ao3) - BREAD2000yeet

Summary: Dan gives a C- blowjob and an receives an A+ handjob emo boys kissing vibes they r in luvv

I'd like to hang out with you (for my whole life) (ao3) - bunnyslipper

Summary: Mornings in the forever home (featuring the golden pig)

Injured and Afraid (ao3) - tol_but_smol

Summary: Dan and Phil and their hiking adventures

Jealousy, Jealousy (ao3) - thestreaklives

Summary: Phil gets a gift from a coworker and Dan is having a hard time with it.

Jumping On the Bandwagon Isn’t So Bad (ao3) - ticklishraspberries

Summary: Dan decides to jump on the ‘boys in crop tops’ trend.

leave me alone (ao3) - leebasii

Summary: sometimes all you gotta do is apologise

Let Me Help (ao3) - prettyelephant

Summary: Phil gets a cat hair in his eye while shooting for the calendar so naturally Dan helps him get it out.

moon boy, moon face and moon butt: a trilogy of sorts (ao3) - cloud-gays (wind_brewed)

Summary: Moon, that's what Phil is to Dan. Or something like that.

Also called: I can't get over how Dan's nickname for Phil is 'moon'. Maybe it isn't, but.

oh, he's got me going (ao3) - loveslabourlost

Summary: Everything in Phil's body is thicker than in Dan's.

phone calls (ao3) - danhoweiis

Summary: dan calls phil whilst on tour in america with some plans for christmas

repeats and replays (ao3) - Tarredion

Summary: phil's had a crush on his coworker dan for way too long. he's never had the nerve to ask him out, as much as he'd like to, but their friendship is good as it is.

one day, though, dan slips up mid conversation, and everything changes

Scars (ao3) - jerseker

Summary: Dan thought filming in his hometown would be harder.

the old familiar rhythms (ao3) - cityofphanchester

Summary: There will be dozens of good days in the weeks to come, but not many of them will end in quiet.

(piano, summer 2022)

The Revival Aftermath (ao3) - cafephan

Summary: The gaming channel makes a comeback.

time and place (ao3) - cloud-gays (wind_brewed)

Summary: Kisses.

Also called: I'm a broken man and my friends want me to call this Butter Chicken. Help me.

to be your (distant) lover (ao3) - queerofcups

Summary: There is a distance and Dan wants to fill it.

Too much? (ao3) - GayFandomNerd

Summary: A conversation about how much they’ve been sharing with their fans

Unpainted Canvas (ao3) - hygge

Summary: When Dan looked at Phil, he saw art… Phil was gorgeous, an absolute masterpiece. Dan didn’t even compare.

Velvet touch (ao3) - Kavat

Summary: Dan and Phil are going to a film premier for the first time in years.

why do i feel fine? (ao3) - bessonschild

Summary: Dan and Phil on their balcony. He's finally feeling better.

you can see it with the lights out (ao3) - calvinahobbes

Summary: Somehow it’s taken Dan until he got to Japan, but here it’s caught up with him, hit him like a freight train. Phil keeps laughing at him, showing him pictures on his phone of Dan’s face softened by it, posture loosened by it.

You Send Me (ao3) - Portia331

Summary: A reflection on relationship growth and how it feels.

[aerithium]

FFVII: Rebirth Review!

This review does contain spoilers!

★ Score: 11/10 ★ Date Finished: March 15th, 2024 ★ Final Thoughts: This game is a beautiful remake and reimagining of my favorite portions of the original FFVII. The purists probably hate it because its not the exact remake they might have wanted but this game might be the best game I have ever played. The story in this game feels brand new, despite being fairly the same as the original. I was constantly filled with wonder and excitement to play even though I technically knew everything that would happen, a feat that is rather impressive when creating a remake. The devs blew it out of the water with the character and party interactions, making them even better than before. Each character not only feels important to Cloud but also other party members such as Red XIII and Aerith having a close friendship, Aerith and Tifa having fun with one another like teenage girls, Tifa and Yuffie acting like siblings to one another, and Barrett and Yuffie having an adorable father/daughter like bond. It makes the course of the story even more impacting and sometimes gut-wrenching as you realize that not only you as the player adore these characters, but they also adore one another. Cloud's characterization in this game is also phenomenal and his personality constantly shifting as he slow loses his identity over the course of the game was chilling to watch. I could ramble forever about the characters in this game, as I find that each one of them holds a deep place in my heart. The gameplay of this game is also phenomenal for many reasons. The open world is extremely expansive and can be rather rewarding, though occasionally overwhelming. It was hard to balance story and exploration but once I figured out the best way to do things, I found both rather enjoyable and they balanced out well. I ended with about 84 hours on the game and still have a lot of content to explore. A new mechanic is also introduced so that the player can track their bond with each party member, something that I enjoyed as I was attempting for a specific character for the dates. The side quests in this game are also really fun for the most part, I didn't love all of them but there were plenty that made me laugh, smile, and sometimes tear up. Finally for gameplay, the combat is much like remake's but it only gets better as each character unlocks new abilities and can be played in many different ways thus having the potential to make characters very strong! The music is also crazy, hearing my favorite tracks from the original game be remade was such an enjoyable experience but the new music in the game is also really nice and I am eagerly waiting for the OST to drop online. Overall this game is a gem among modern day games and the devs did a perfect job both remaking and reimagining all of the segments of the game, if it tells you anything, I cried about 16 times while playing through this game. Many of these being at the endings as the devs created such a beautiful, heart-wrenching, unique yet familiar ending to this installment of the trilogy. I found myself reaching moments that I had looked forward to seeing in the game and whispering to myself "No no no I don't want to do it" I was terrified and I loved it. There are things in this game that I could nitpick if I wanted to but it doesn't feel worth it because the overarching final impression is that it is truly perfection, while I wasn't happy with everything it was all so minute that its not worth trying to remember and mention. I'm probably bias about this game but I think I just witnessed perfection.

[tmwcs]

Ohh... I meant that reader was sleeping and she had that nightmare so ethan comfort her

Warnings: Mostly fluff, no smut. This is a more heartwarming drabble. Enjoy :) I hope I got this down correctly bc tumblr kept freezing when I was trying to find the original ask that requested this.

You woke up slightly gasping for air.

"What the hell?......It was just a nightmare?"

You calmed yourself upon realizing that the contents of your nightmare was merely just that. Thank God.

"Would he ever though?....."

Despite all that has happened and the trilogies of Heeseung's...and Ethan's constant display of their obsessive love and affection for you, you couldn't help but wonder if Heeseung or his Ethan side would ever consider....leaving you......no longer loving you.....especially if another woman was involved. After all, they say that sometimes, nightmares and dreams were a way one's soul telling you something, and from the one you experienced, your nightmare had concluded an ending to the love that Heeseung has for you.

"Would he ever fall in love with someone else? .....Would he ever not want me anymore?.......What if everything is just a waste of time?....What if he does to me....what Samuel did?"

Racing with panic and anxiety, your mind trails off, and you felt your heart sinking. Sure, with what had happened with Samuel did hurt and it was despicable of him to do so in such a fashion, however, you had already began to develop feelings for Heeseung at the time. It was wrong.....or at least....you felt it was wrong merely because he was dating your roommate.......but as far as your feelings for him....it felt right.

Yet you had been blinded by love's mask, deceived by it thinking that Heeseung, whom at the time you knew as Ethan, had genuinely loved Vicky, considering his mannerisms and level of affection towards her. It was by no means as vigor and lively as he displays it with you. Still, during the time he was with Vicky, you had no idea what his love language was. You had no way of knowing that his moderate and subtle display of affection and his quiet demeanor was just mannerisms for 'putting up' with Vicky, eventually finding out that he had unfolded the truth of her infidelity and was merely staying with her.....to be closer to you.

But what if......what if a time comes....where he would do the same to you? Is he capable of that? You could never imagine him doing that to you......but then again......you never thought Samuel would either.

Perhaps that is why you cried and broke down that night.....because it wasn't so much that you were in love with Samuel anymore...it was the betrayal of trust and knowing that you had wasted all that time....providing for him...loving him from afar.....and thinking of him....despite your growing feelings for Heeseung.

Yet the moment that Samuel revealed the truth and had exposed his lack of love for you....for six months time, way before you had even met Vicky or Ethan, you found out of his true nature and lack of honesty that very night when he sent you that email. How empty did you feel that night? All that time....wasted....that time that you could have spent on something else....someone else.....the time...the hours...minutes....and seconds that you will never get back......all gone...dead as ash.

Your body begins to shake as you felt yourself letting loose.....sobbing silently as you laid back down in the fetal position. Cradling your head in towards your palms, you did your best to muffle your whimpers as the tears kept coming, all the while you felt Heeseung asleep next to you, his face turned away as he laid on his back, a sing hand on his chest, looking peacefully content as he is blindly unaware of the depression you just rendered yourself in....all because of a nightmare....and the hurt you once experienced before.

Whimpering....sobbing.....sniffling.....you couldn't stop. It was hard....but the feelings you have for Heeseung....and Ethan......it was incomparable to any emotional sense you've experienced in the past. This was much stronger....intense.....vibrant.......

This was true love.

And who could blame you for falling so hard? Despite his flaws...his attributes of taking things so far, so was his level of affection and his love for you. He loved you....too far....too deep...too much....and he showed it in the same sense. It was the most treasured and beautiful display of emotional value you had ever experienced and you'd never want to lose it.

Thinking about it had only made you sob harder, and soon, you found yourself moaning out in agony as you realized that there is a possibility.....that he would leave you. After all....he is only a man of flesh and blood....just like you are only a woman.....made of the same essence that of everyone else around you.

...................................

H I S P E R S P E C T I V E

You woke up to the sensation of something shaking beside you.

".......Y/N?.....is she?...."

Suddenly shifting your head towards her direction, your eyes grew wide as you heard the whimpers and soft moans of her sobs, all muffled yet she failed to keep it all hidden from you, despite her best intention and attempt.

Snapping over to your side, you've never tossed yourself over so vigorously in your life. Your eyes remained wide and your brows close in out of concern and sadness.

"Who hurt her? Why is she crying? I'll kill whoever it was that damaged her."

Hearing her cry brought out the side of you that Hell was made of....you felt the raging beast of your Ethan side coming out, he heard her too....and he yearned for nothing more than to eliminate those who were responsible in hurting his baby girl. Yet you maintained composure and suppressed him as best as you could....allowing only just a bit of him reflect through.....just so he too could partake in comforting the one and only thing that meant the entire universe to you both.

Reaching your arm around her waist, you heard the shocking gasp released from her breath as you suddenly pulled her to you, cradling her back against your chest as you submerged her into the crevice of your frame, which was broadened and much stronger, compared to hers.

Placing a kiss on her ear, you hovered over and began to peer over, leaning and trailing your nose against her cheek, letting the tip of it find the way to her mouth so you could kiss her......comfort her.......massage her to ease.

"Pretty baby......why are you crying? What's wrong? Tell me......why are you crying? Tell me and I'll fix it. I'll fix everything." you whispered against her skin, the wet moisture of tear trails smear against your cheek as you nuzzled yourself next to her.

To you, she was more than just a woman that you loved....she was taste, sight, sound, touch, and the air you breathed. She was the necessities that you required in order to live.....you needed her.

Just like the plant that feeds you its berries, and it's flower to bless your sight with a hue of it's colors, you rely on the plant in order to remain happy and healthy....to live.

In order for the plant to provide you with the fruit and flower you required, you needed to nurture it, protect it, and keep it strong in order for it to keep yourself sustained.

She was your plant...your flower....your one thing that bore the fruit of sustenance that kept you alive. Without her, you'd waste away in darkness.

Hearing her whimpers once more, you reach up and gently moved the strands away from her face, all the while you tug her waist tightly.

"Baby, whats wrong?"

She was hesitant....too hesitant. You grew more worried and despite your composed demeanor, internally you felt yourself panicking.

"I can't stand seeing her like this...I dont like it. I dont ever want to see her cry for anything or anyone......she can cry for me.....me only."

For you.....because while you know that some times, you make her cry out of sadness or because you may hurt her sometimes with your harshness, you know that the pain you inflict is nothing that isn't out of the potent love you have for her. The tears she drew for you.....was all due to your glorious love for her, and she knew that. She also knew....that majority of the time, the tears she drew for you.....was all out of the great happiness you brought her. Because when it came to her happiness, her smile, her laughter and her lack of worry....there was absolutely nothing that you wouldn't do....just to make her feel that way.

Moving aside the last bit of her hair that covered her face, you lean in and press your lips against her cheek, and remained still. Softly speaking as your lips brush against her skin, you tell her....

"You dont have to cry.....whatever it is that hurt you....that saddens you... you know I'm always going to be here to fix it. I'm always going to take care of it. I'll always be just an arm's distance away....you never have to wonder where I am. I'm always going to be right here."

Taking her hand, you remove it off her tearful face as your palm hovers over the back side of her own, feeding your fingers through and interlocking them with hers.

As your hand secures her own, you extend your index finger and continue to move aside the stranded pieces of hair that remained plastered on the trail of tears she left behind.

Finally, she speaks....stuttering out her words as she gasped for air from her continuous sobs.

"I....I.....had a nightmare."

"A nightmare? Is that what it is? Come here baby, I'll hold you so you wont get anymore nightmares. Mmkay? Lets never sleep without us touching. "

"But......"

"What is it y/n? Come here, talk to me."

".......I had a nightmare........that you didnt want me anymore......that you .......you fell in love with someone else......you just....you no longer wanted me......I was .......I woke up scared......too scared.....and sad.....I dont know what I would do.....Heeseung....I dont know what I'll do if you and Ethan.....ever stopped......wanting me....."

You felt the two toned heart you carry sink into your gut....it fell in pieces upon hearing her words.

"Stop loving her?....Us?......"

Your mouth remained parted open, your eyes stunned wide as your expression remained in pure shock.

Both your arms migrate and encompass her form merging her to you as if you were melting her into your chest.

"......I dont want you......" You calmly answered. You felt her shake the moment you issued your words, yet the tug around her waist had signified to her of your reasoning....which you lowly let out through genuine words.

"I dont......want you........why would I want something that I already have?........I need you, y/n....... "need".... "needing" is much stronger than the desire of wanting.........I don't simply 'want' because I already 'have'. But I'll always 'need' because ....needing something..... requires trial and effort....it requires love and protection at the highest value......people want things of material luxury.....they want silk, more money, gold, and silver........because they merely want it....they spend it....carelessly....giving it away......because the value of want is nowhere near as potent as need. You "want" to cease cravings...but you "need" in order to live.....so yeah..... i dont want you......I need you....I'll always need you......without you I cannot live...breathe....or think."

You tug her against you yet again, it was rather harsh, though you didn't intend for it to be, you just couldn't contain yourself as you felt a gulp travel down as you nuzzled your face against her hair, feel thing sting in your eyes as you felt saddened at the fact that she was ever fearful to begin with.....that you would no longer need the one thing that gives you life.....the meaning and purpose of it.

"Please.....never wonder.....never worry......that I'll stop.....I cant.....I wont........I'm not......I'll never be the same ever again y/n.......the moment i saw you...heard you....felt you......and experienced...you.....I can't ever go back. You.....you changed me.....maybe not entirely for the better.......but you changed me so that I could never love again.....because its only....and always going to be you........I'll....never.....be the same......I'll never be normal......I'll always be the mad man...the bad guy....because of my insanity....I'm a lunatic that's too much in love with someone that could easily break me just as she lifts me. Too much.....far too much.....to the point where i'll hurt you....just to keep you...."

Her sobs calm to a quiet end, and you felt the density of her weight relax as she allows your body to swallow her in, melting into you just as you wanted. Holding her, she gently turns her face over to nuzzle against your chin, where she places one of her sweet....beautiful kisses that you thirst for nearly every second of the day. Looking down at her with only the dim light from the moon peering in, you lean closer to return the soft and sensual kiss, right on her lips. You introduce your tongue with hers, rolling, stroking, and rubbing it along side hers, relishing the warmth softness of her mouth.

You didn't want to scare her with your words....but you had to be open......because while it was true, you'd do anything for her......but if the moment ever came where she found herself wanting to separate....to no longer want you......to need you.....you know the darkness that lies in the depths of you soul.....it would never allow her to.......through shackles and isolation.....through the loving greed that infects your veins....you'd keep her....because you need her.

[rockyroadsmith]

What would be the Searchers' favorite movies ?

Heya! Thank you for the ask!! This is a hard question since I’m not very cultured and don’t watch a ton of movies, but I’ll do my best! XD

Genki: I think Genki would like whimsical adventure movies, something maybe like the Harry Potter series that’s imaginative.

Mocchi: since he’s so young, I can see Mocchi liking innocent movies like Disney films. As long as he has someone else with him to watch a movie, since he loves company, he’d be happy with any of them!

Holly: since Holly’s had a rough life, I can see her liking lighthearted and happy movies, but also ones with sad and dramatic overtones as long as they have a happy ending. Maybe something like A Silent Voice, which is a rollercoaster of emotions.

Suezo: I think he’d like comedy and spoof movies, maybe movies like the Naked Gun trilogy, Airplane, or Top Secret. Of course his secret favorite movies fall in the porn category though! XD

Golem: I can see Golem loving romance films since he’s such a big softie! He’d be the one monster who cries at the end of movies like Titanic and cheers during The Princess Bride. X3

Tiger: I think Tiger would like movies with action, adventure, and a fantasy setting. I can see him really enjoying something like The Lord of the Rings series, and would watch only the director’s cut. :3

Hare: this monster likes using his head and figuring things out, so I think he’d like mystery movies and ones that really make you think, so maybe something like Inception or mystery movies like Glass Onion or Murder on the Orient Express.

Unfortunately I suck at picking movies! XD

[fingertipsmp3]

Fuck it I’m catatonically bored and I can’t justify starting to make dinner at fucking 3:52PM so I’m going to rate every Stephen King book I’ve read out of 5 stars. If the readmore doesn’t work I can only apologise

Carrie: genuinely iconic although I do think the concept is better than the execution. 3.5

‘Salem’s Lot: immaculate, literally got me into horror, I will always have a soft spot for it. 5

The Shining: iconic. Better than the movie. Argue with the wall. 5

The Stand: really really ridiculously long but I swear to you EVERY PAGE is necessary. 5, would give higher if I could

The Dead Zone: I read this when I was like 19 and I can’t remember much other than that I liked it but it made me sad. 4, marked down because of the scene with the dog

Firestarter: looooved this. 5

Pet Sematary: the first time I read this (when I was 17) it scared me so much it kept me up all night and the second time I read it (when I was 27) it gave me night terrors. 4, marked down because it is lowkey stupid I have to admit

Cycle of the Werewolf: I’m sorry but it is kind of boring. Great illustrations though. 2

It: THE scariest book I have read, haunts me in my dreams, put me through every emotion known to humankind. Sad and gross. 5

Misery: damn near a perfect thriller novel tbh. 4.5

Dolores Claiborne: I remember liking the stream of consciousness style but also thinking “Jesus Christ can we get to the point please”. 3

Insomnia: the first third of this book is fucking wonderful. The second two thirds are a hot mess and should’ve been edited significantly more. 3

The Green Mile: the story is so so good I feel like it came to SK through divine wisdom or something but I am SO sorry, I prefer the movie. I just think it made the dialogue so much more compelling and the changes made were an improvement. Still, 5

11/22/63: one of my favourite pieces of time travel media ever, I think about this book constantly. 5 (6 if I could)

Doctor Sleep: unpopular opinion but I genuinely like it I’m fucking sorry. Like it’s definitely not good but if you don’t look at it as a Shining sequel and you’re entertained by villains with stupid names it’s fun. 3.5

Mr Mercedes: fun and tense, although why SK had to write Jerome Like That I will never understand. 3.5

Finders Keepers: honestly I found this to be just okay. 2.5

End of Watch: a pretty good end to the trilogy tbh although I nearly cried at the epilogue for my own reasons. 4

Sleeping Beauties: another unpopular opinion but I liked parts of this, but I wish SK would learn how to write women… honestly I just wish this book had been written by a woman or someone who understands women. 2.5

The Outsider: if this had been edited significantly fucking better to keep SK from yapping on and on it would’ve been an absolutely brilliant supernatural thriller, but it is in fact 200 pages longer than it needs to be. 2

The Institute: SK should stop writing about women and instead write about kids. 4

Fairy Tale: maybe this was good or maybe I am just a sucker for ‘boy and his dog’ type stories. 4.5

Different Seasons: Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption & The Body are easy 5 stars, Apt Pupil is like a 3.5 because the constant gratuitous violence is just not for me, The Breathing Method was boring and a 2 at best

Four Past Midnight: honestly I liked all of these novellas. The Langoliers was my favourite and I was kind of sad to find out that’s not a popular opinion. 4 overall

Nightmares & Dreamscapes: stupidly good. Like it’s hard to list my favourite stories because there are too many of them. The Ten O’Clock People, The House on Maple Street and Popsy would have to be my top 3. 5 overall

Full Dark, No Stars: messy but good. 1922 is my favourite overall. 4

The Bazaar of Bad Dreams: think I gave this 4 stars on storygraph but honestly it probably deserves more like 3. Top 3 were Ur, Obits & Bad Little Kid but I also have a soft spot for Drunken Fireworks

If It Bleeds: ughhhhhh I’m sorry but I was epically bored reading most of this. The Life of Chuck was good once it came together and Mr Harrigan’s Phone had a decent payoff, but the title novella had basically the same problems and plot as The Outsider, and Rat just felt pointless to me. 2

[night-dark-woods]

2023 Book Recap!

i really figured out this year what i like and don't like in a book i think, at least for scifi/fantasy books.

that ursula le guin quote about genre: "Ignoring all this, our novice is just about to reinvent the wheel, the space ship, the space alien, and the mad scientist, with cries of innocent wonder. The cries will not be echoed by the readers. Readers familiar with that genre have met the space ship, the alien, and the mad scientist before. They know more about them than the writer does."

& something one of the boys on the stephen king podcast said, where he described being familiar with a genre or medium as seeing the seams, and then a bit later as being like an erector set, where you can see all the pieces.

and that's really it, like bc i have read so much scifi and fantasy, every novel is an erector set. i know what the pieces of the kit are, and what they're supposed to build, so i can recognize when its built well and when its built poorly, and i can recognize when someone does something really cool and different with those kit pieces. but if someone doesnt do anything good or interesting with them, its just a pile of pieces, and that's not enough for me.

so, in descending rating order, books i read this year:

5/5:

The Broken Earth Trilogy by N K Jemison: spectacularly original worldbuilding, heartwrenching story, delightful narrative devices. getting added to the favorites shelf with Baru.

The Three Body Problem by Liu Cixin: very fun hard scifi book. if i don't have to google a math concept while reading your scifi book im not interested. i have not yet read the sequels but will.

Machineries of Empire Trilogy by Yoon Ha Lee: great military space opera with REALLY cool novel worldbuilding (the technology of the empire functions because of a high calendar maintained by ritual sacrifice!!!) and very neatly executed plots.

4/5:

How The Light Gets In by Louise Penney: perfectly enjoyable mystery novel i read to bond with my mother. old ladies who saw it sitting next to my register at work were at first delighted i was reading it and then aghast that i was reading one from the middle of the series out of order.

Dead Silence by S A Barnes: fast-paced scifi psychological horror, delivered exactly what i was expecting.

Mistakes Were Made by Meryl Wilsner: doctor mechanic fic with the serial numbers scrubbed. also exactly what it says on the tin.

Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M Danforth: fun gay story that jumps around in time and has several cool narrative styles including whatever it is where there are in-universe texts included with the story narrative.

The Luminous Dead by Caitlin Starling: scifi cave-diving survival horror with a homoerotic relationship between the caver and her handler. loses a star for an underwhelming ending but overall it ruled i love survival books.

Blindsight by Peter Watts: this book made me the maddest a book has made me since i read The Word for World is Forest in high school and got so upset at one of the characters that i made myself nauseous. on the one hand the worldbuilding was very intricate and interesting and its a truly fascinating first contact story, and on the other hand i want to fight the author in a parking lot for how eco-fascist and misanthropic the thesis statement is. this book pissed me off but its also going to be something i will reread and also think about for a long time, and for that it can get a 4.

3/5:

The Archive Undying by Emma Mieko Candon: cool far-future post-apocalypse with ai gods, about bodily horror and autonomy when youre dealing with high tech divine possession. good book but not for me.

This Is How You Lose The Time War by Max Gladstone and Amal El-Mohtar: fine, underwhelming. novel equivalent of a montage and the prose didn't wow me.

Acceptance by Jeff Vandermeer: made me realize what i want from him is an actual ecology book i would love that but i hate his fiction.

The Cartographers by Peng Shepherd: would have been higher if it had a stronger conclusion, fun concept though and it was fun to see the ways it referenced Hill House. speaking of:

The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson: alright, i havent read enough horror to know what i like but this wasn't it, im glad i read it though.

2/5:

Stories of Your Life and Others by Ted Chiang: fine, none of the story concepts were compelling to me so it was hard to like any of them, though the Tower of Babylon was fun.

The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet by Becky Chambers: no stakes, boring, no thought put into the politics of the setting or the plot.

Authority by Jeff Vandermeer: absolute fucking slog of a book with a boring protag.

She Who Became The Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan: i dont like historical figures rewritten to be lgbt, i think the pacing and tone was inconsistent, and if youre going to write a book about a military campaign you need to actually care about writing military engagments and logistics. also as my friend Jake said. for a novel trying to do something with gender, there sure arent very many women.

1/5:

none apparently!

[leresq]

Rewatching the Sequels; some notes

The sequels do a good job of showing how brutal the First Order is in a way the original trilogy never showed. These are supposed to be space not-sees and the sequels were the first to display their cruelty

Watch the Stormtrooper Paradox on YouTube, it explains my shared gripe of the idea that First Order stormtroopers are child soldiers being brushed off.

Kylo Ren is cool idgaf what anyone says. Phasma is cool. Hux is cool. Pryce is cool. The Praetorian Guard are cool. If you disregard everything else about Snoke he's cool. Btw they wasted Smoke, it would have taken one writers' meeting to come up with something better.

I didn't like how the Mandalorian just took Baby Yoda out of the plot line I thought wrapped everything up nicely but now I realise if Baby Yoda stayed with Luke then the implication is Ren killed him so nvm :)

Dave Filoni's work is really helping bridge the gap between the original and sequel trilogies

The battle of Crait although just a rehash of Empire Strikes Back is too cool to discount

The fact that Poe, Finn, and Rose's plan was the reason nearly half of the transports heading to Crait were destroyed was really interesting. If they hadn't separated they wouldn't have met DJ, and DJ wouldn't have told the First Order the plan. I wish they'd have given some guilt to the characters tho.

Holdo's sacrifice is super cool but I'm not sure about the scientifics of it all.

Being in the way of that battering ram should have given Finn some nasty burns at the very least, it was melting through metal.

Are Force projections mental or visual?? Because Ben and Rey could see each other but I don't think Luke saw Ben in the hut, which means it would have to be mental. Also C3PO saw the projection..? Palpatine had to be connecting Rey and Ben, not Snoke. If someone as powerful as Luke died by projecting himself, then there's no way Snoke would have had the power to connect two entirely different people.

Kylo Ren should have seen that the projection was fake because Luke has his lightsaber, which he snapped in half just thirty minutes ago. It could be miswritten, but I see it as Ren being so enraged that he didn't notice.

I wish they wouldn't have killed Luke, but I thought they did it right. I cried rewatching it, and I've seen the movie three times before this.

"Snoke trained you well." "I killed Snoke. I'll kill you." "You killed Snoke? Damn that's a shame, well good thing I got a jar of them right here!"

I don't mind force healing and blaster freezing, I just wish they'd tuck it into the story more neatly.

They did Rose dirty in ROS

I know Jakku already existed in legends, but Pasaana could have easily been Jakku or Tattooine.

Was the C3PO disrespect supposed to be funny? It wasn't.

Zorii should have died, her surviving literally served no purpose to the story, in fact he death would have served it better.

Domhnall Gleeson's acting is some of the best I've seen in Star Wars.

Rey Palpatine is stupid. It would have been nicer if Rey was just a nobody who became special because of her actions and determination, not bloodline.

Kylo Ren being stabbed by Rey and surviving actually makes sense because I can imagine the wound would be cauterised long enough for Rey to heal it

I think it would have been a satisfactory end if Rey and Ben Solo died

Some people are Finn x Rey, some people are Finn x Rose, we all know the truth is Finn x Poe

It's a shame Daisy Ridley's career hasn't had much luck, she's a good actor.

Rey should have said "Just Rey" in response to the old woman. She's taking agency of her own identity and not letting it be based off what other people tell her. She's not a Solo, she's not a Skywalker, she's not a Palpatine, she's her own person now.

The sequels just seem like they would have been better written by someone on AO3. They're not abysmally terrible, it's just hard to look past their shortcomings. The music, acting, and animation are the best parts.

[r0sa4077]

Absolutely no one has asked for this but these are my top 10 favorite video games. I sort of ranked these based on the emotional impact they had on me, how many times I've replayed them, how many hours I have in the games, and how well I think they were made, etc.

10. Life is Strange: Before the Storm

I liked Chloe as a protagonist more than Max. I also really enjoyed Rachel and how you couldn't rewind this time, and you were stuck with your choices. And the emotional impact of the story has stuck with me after all these years.

9. Elden Ring

Elden Ring introduced me to souls-like games and showed me that they were not as hard as I originally thought. I love the gameplay, and the lore is ✨️chefs kiss✨️.

8. A Way Out

I can't describe how heartbroken I was at the end of this game. It takes you through so much laughter and heartache. And you get to experience it all with another person since it's made to be co-op. It's such a fun and emotionally impactful story.

7. Shadow of Mordor

I am a huge LoTR fun, but more than that, I am a huge lore and Silmarillion fan. Even the minor inclusion of Middle Earth lore in this game had me geeking out. I also really enjoy the story and gameplay.

6. Dragon Age 2

The main character, Hawke, has my entire heart. And so do all the other characters. The gameplay might not be as good as others on this list, but to me, the story and the side characters have left such an impact on my brain.

5. Halo: Reach

The Halo series as a whole has a special place in my heart anyway, but something about Reach has stuck with me after all these years. I love the whole cast of characters. I love the level design and the combat. I love the story. I have probably played this game about 6 times. I have another friend who loves Halo, and when we just want to talk or need to vent, we'll play Reach, and we can play it while on autopilot and just talk to each other.

4. Red Dead Redemption 2

I love so much about this game. The story, the open world, all the characters, Arthur Morgan. Unfortunately, I was spoiled for the ending before I got to play it, but the impact of it hit just as hard. I don't think I've ever cried so much about a video game besides this one and number two on this list.

3. Assassin's Creed: Blackflag

Assassin's Creed was one of the series that really got me into gaming, and Blackflag is by far my favorite. Edward Kenway is such a good and interesting protagonist, and I really enjoyed playing as him in one of my favorite series. To this day, it is the only game I've ever completed to 100% in quests, collectibles, and achievements because I just couldn't stop playing it

2. Mass Effect 3

When I tell you that I am obsessed with the Mass Effect universe, I mean it. There is just something about Bioware's world building, character work, and storytelling that I just love so much. Commander Shepard has got to be one of my favorite protagonists of all time. And like I said, this game and RDR2 the two games that I have actually sat there and sobbed over. When I finished ME3, I immediately wanted to replay from the beginning of the trilogy, but I had to stop myself and go finish other games I had already started. I think about this trilogy and the characters from it so much that I actually read Mass Effect fanfiction, and I'm not a big fanfic reader.

1: The Sims 4

This one might seem really out of place with the rest of the bangers on this list, but listen ... this game is like a guilty pleasure. I have so many hours in it that it's kind of embarrassing. I've spent way too much money on TS4, and I love all kinds of aspects about it. Dressing up sims, building houses and other stuff, playing out storylines, I love it all. And most of the characters from the rest of the games on this list, I have remade them in TS4 and given them happy endings.

[gwyns]

you can hurt, too. your pain isn't a burden" what series is that? <3

why, i'm so glad you asked, anon! i hope you're ready for a somewhat ramble filled post

short answer: it's the briar sisters trilogy by the lovely carly h. mannon. there's currently two books out, with the third slated for release in january!

long, fangirl inspired answer: it's one of my favorite series ever. like, no joke

i read the first book earlier this year before the second released, devoured it, cried during it and it healed some part of me. then, the sequel released and i, again, devoured it, cried during it and it healed another part of me

i have never related more to characters than i do nicole and misha, but especially nicole. i've seen many people over the years talk about how much they relate to nesta and that's why she's their favorite character ever. i finally get that now with nicole, not that i can't relate to nesta (i do, very much), but it's different here because nicole feels and sees and expresses things exactly the way i do. it's such a comfort to find yourself in a character like this

i'll try to keep it short but i wanted to showcase some of the quotes that made me full on bawl during my read because, that's me

i can't explain to you how many times i've kept myself together simply because i felt like if i didn't, i'd never be the same again. i wouldn't know how to put myself back together, to feel some semblance of the person i was before

this seems like such a simple thing, especially since we've seen many characters in sjm's books feel unworthy, but to have it put in this perspective? it made me feel less alone. i do feel unworthy, but in a way i don't see many people talk about openly. i'm not even worthy of being seen as an option for love, not even a flitting thought through someone's head. it feels silly typing it out but... this meant a lot to me

and here's the quote you inquired about. reading this genuinely did something to me... i wish someone had said this to me many years ago. i don't want to get into my upbringing or anything but there have been many times where i've kept my hurt quiet so i wouldn't burden my parents. it's a very exhausting way to live

again, i don't want to get too into my personal life but for those who do know, somewhat, this... hit too hard. too close. it's still a lingering fear of mine i have to try and combat. in fact, i'm doing it right now and only mildly succeeding

and to end my too long list of quotes, here's some misha ones (please excuse how different this screenshot looks, i had to take it on my computer instead of my phone, like the previous ones). another constant fear of mine, being too much to handle and making the person i love most in the world hate and resent me for it. to become a burden to him, too. it's a terrible feeling and i wouldn't wish it on anyone lol

i'm going to shut up now but genuinely if you've been looking for something to help scratch that acotar itch while waiting for book news, this series is the closest thing i've found to it. it has fairytale elements, namely snow white and sleeping beauty, fated mates, dislike to lovers trope, betrayal, an interesting world and lore just... please read them. and, you know, tag me in any and all posts because i have brainrot

[casspurrjoybell-20]

FOOLS - Chapter 25 - Part 1

BOOK ONE: The 'Fools Fall in Love' Trilogy

*Warning Adult Content*

Samuel Moretti

I had decided there was no point in that game Noah and I kept playing.

That night after I relished in the sweet, sweet memory of mine and Noah's kiss at school, a thought stuck me.

Was he going to act cold around me again at school?

Us two fighting until one of us kisses the other and then Noah walking out again?

I didn't want to keep doing that.

I mean, I wanted to keep kissing Noah, of course but not keep on pleading with him to talk his feeling through with me.

Was that so much to ask?

Why should I waste my time chasing him when he wasn't putting in any effort at all for me?

So, a new tactic.

I wasn't going to go after Noah at school and beg on my knees for him to talk to me.

No, I was going to get him to beg for me.

I knew Noah would too because his battle was only in his head.

Physically, I knew he wanted me and I betted that Hothead was the jealous type.

I knew his anger would win over the internalized homophobia 'or whatever mental entity that prevented him from facing his feelings' when he saw me with someone else.

Was I wrong for that plan?

Maybe but I didn't care.

In fact, I was grinning at just the thought but my grin dropped when I caught Kaitlyn in the hallway... crying... I went up to her.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Kaitlyn's bottom lip was shaking as she spoke...

"He... he broke up with me," her voice cracking.

She had to keep wiping her eyes because the tears wouldn't end.

My jaw dropped to the floor with my eyes shot open.

"What? When?" I asked loudly.

"Last night," she told me with a sniffle.

"Oh my God, Kaitlyn," I wrapped my arms around her.

"I'm so sorry."

Then, I felt like crap.

Them breaking up was what I wanted but seeing the aftermath of it was horrible.

Kaitlyn softly cried as she hugged me back.

Oh, God... was I  the reason for their break up?

Even so, I kissed her boyfriend... twice

Oh man, I'm a crappy friend.

Kaitlyn deserved so much better.

I pulled back and asked hesitantly.

"Uh, why'd he break up with you?"

Kaitlyn swiped her eyes again.

"He told me that there wasn't a connection between us anymore and he didn't see us going any further. As much as I don't want to admit it, he was kind of right but that doesn't mean it hurts any less."

More tears filled her eyes as she looked at me with her jaw quivering.

"I love him, Sam."

I gave her an apologetic look and was about to say something before Emily ran up to us.

"Babes, are you okay?" She spoke to Kaitlyn, grabbing her hand.

Kaitlyn broke down sobbing and ran into the nearest woman's bathroom, Emily went after her.

Oh man, that was a reality check for me.

What Noah and I were doing was terrible, kissing each other behind Kaitlyn's back?

I wanted to throw up, I felt so disgusted with myself and to think I was just grinning over my plan to get Noah?

How awful of a person am I?

I wondered how Noah was feeling about all this.

So, I searched for him, forgetting the 'playing hard to get' plan.

Noah was at his locker.

"Hey," I said as I walked up to him and leaned against one of the lockers next to his.

"Hey," Noah shut his locker then turned to face me.

"I broke up with Kaitlyn," he blurted out.

Yikes.

"Yeah, Kaitlyn just told me."

I brought my hand up to his arm in an attempt to comfort him but decided against it and rubbed the back on my neck instead.

"Are you okay?"

He looked at me for a second before he said...

"I don't really know how to feel but I've been thinking about everything between us and..." 

"Sam, Noah. Where have you guys been?" Jason shouted, cutting Noah off as Carter and him walked up to us.

Oh, just perfect.

Noah looked annoyed.

I sighed in frustration.

The one time Noah wants to actually talk to me.

"Hey," I greeted them and tried not to have a sour face.

"You wouldn't happen to know why your girlfriend is crying in the bathroom right now with Emily, would you?" Jason asked Noah teasingly.

"Uh, ex-girlfriend, as of last night. So yeah, I'm the source of her being upset," he informed us, emphasizing the 'ex' part.

Jason's teasing expression dropped.

"Shit," is all he said.

"Really? Sorry, man," Carter spoke apologetically, placing a comforting hand on Noah's shoulder.

"Eh, that's okay. It sucks but I think it's for the best."

Noah glanced over at me when he said that, meeting my eyes for a split second before looking away.

"Well, look at it this way, now we are all woman free and uh, man free," Jason motioned to me.

"So, I say we all go out this weekend and have a guys' night," he said with a scheming smile.

"Or we could stay in and not waste our money. You guys can come to my place and play Rocket League?" I suggested.

If it was all four of us, it shouldn't be awkward, right?

"I'm in," Carter agreed.

"Yeah, sure. Whatever," Noah said, avoiding eye contact with me.

"Fine," Jason sighed in defeat.

Then the warning bell rang and Jason and Carter left, leaving me and Noah behind.

I turned to Noah but before I could even attempt to say something, he spoke first.

"Well, I gotta' get to class," he said and walked off.