#i could try selling some of my books i guess..uh..idk what else i have

[cetoddle-archive]

i think i'm going to end up dropping most of my photocard collections...i don't want to cause i rlly do enjoy collecting but i need the money so bad rn :')

[percontaion-points]

5 Survive chapters 25 & 26

Today's review might be difficult for some; reader discretion is advised

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions

Click here for the rest of the series!

Chapter 25

“When would he have bugged the RV?” Reyna returned, just as the chorus did, and Red had to strain to hear. “We haven’t left it unattended.”

I feel like it’s in the same sort of way that Mr. Sniper knew that they would make a wrong turn down a completely random side road in the middle of nowhere. 

That is to say that it only works because the author commands it to. Logic be damned. 

Yes, sir, right away, sir. Red blinked. It seemed Oliver had already forgotten that two people just died less than fifteen minutes ago, bleeding out on the road out there, blooms of red around their once-heads. He was already on to the next thing.

I’m kind of with Oliver about this. Don and Joyce are dead; there’s nothing more that they can do to help them. The only thing that the kids can do is to try and stay alive themselves. 

 She paused as, right then, Oliver and Reyna reemerged from the bedroom. Reyna’s eyes shifted, rubbed red, and Red wondered whether they’d been fighting in there, in whispers so the others couldn’t hear. How bad could their secret be? Worse than hers?

Is it bad that I’m wondering if Reyna is pregnant? Or is that too obvious? Maybe she had an abortion. 

Red scrabbled in the darkness for the toilet paper, ripping some free and folding it up.

Okay, this is the SECOND time this book has given us almost graphic details of Red urinating. What the fuck. 

“So why does your uncle have a photo of someone else’s family in the glove compartment?”

Chapter 25 summary: The others are obviously confused about how Mr. Sniper could have put a bug in the RV when they’d pretty much been with the RV this entire time. However, I guess since there’s nothing better to do, they all start to search. 

Red searching through the cabinets and fridge honestly takes up sooooo much page time. Like we get it; she searched and found nothing. Move on. 

Arthur passes her a note that asks if she’s okay, but she says no. They briefly talk about Don and Joyce. Red has this idea in her head that if literally one tiny thing had changed, then the elderly couple would still be alive. Arthur tells her that it’s not her fault. 

There’s also this tension between Oliver and Reyna. Like their secret is due to the fact that they’re a couple. Hence why I’m thinking of pregnancy. But seeing them coming out from the bedroom after they’d clearly been fighting makes Red wonder what Simon’s secret is. 

Then there’s a really gross passage where Red tries to go to the bathroom. She’s about to undo her pants when they turn all of the lights off in the RV so that they can search the light fixtures, so she has to go in the dark. To make matters worse, they’re literally RIGHT outside the door, and it’s awkward. The entire passage should have been removed, since IDK what the author thinks that it’s doing here. 

They don’t find any bugs, and Oliver is clearly becoming more and more unhinged when each and every one of his ideas fails. Maddy finally produces a random photo from the glove box, and Simon is like “Uh… That’s not my uncle.” (His uncle owns the RV.) 

Chapter 26

“One of us is working with them.”

Chapter 26 summary: For some unholy reason, they need to argue about this mystery photo. Simon eventually tells them that his uncle’s used car dealership… Doesn’t always sell legal goods. And that he’s helped his uncle to acquire some of these vehicles occasionally. Because his mother isn’t some hotshot lawyer, and his family isn’t swimming in money. Not like Oliver’s and Maddy’s family. 

However, Simon is quick to point out that he accepted the offer of this unknown-status RV because Maddy had insisted that things be as cheap as possible for Red’s sake. This obviously makes Red feel like shit… Especially since she’s standing right there. She has to brush it off and act like she doesn’t care. 

Simon and Oliver start arguing about the note. Again. 

It’s at this point that Red realises that she left the walkie-talkie in the bathroom. But she’s so bubble-headed that she forgot that it was in there. When she does find it, Oliver has the sudden realisation that maybe the bug is in the walkie-talkie. Red offers to disassemble the device, since she’s done it a million times with her mom’s old police radio. 

However, as you might have imagined, there’s nothing in there that shouldn’t be. 

This leads Oliver to the conclusion that somebody is working for the snipers, and has been reporting back in. Which… wow. The paranoia and delusions have set in with him suuuuper quick, haven’t they? 

[hazelcephalopod]

The Eye of the World Ch 31-33

The Whump continues! This time it’s Rand and Mat’s turn. And I mean both of them. Very shippable worthy moments; not that friendship isn’t nice but, is not a stretch. But also, just when things seem to cool down they heat up.

Buckle up for a long one if you’re still with me.

Disclaimer: this is my first read thru but I’ve watched all of the show this far and been spoiled on some book things. So… I’m going to lean into that. Enjoy figuring out what I know, and what I think I know, and what I just don’t. Also s/x I add commentary when I edit.

Spoilers for the first book and up to the most recent episode under the cut. Potential spoilers for latter books.

Ch 31

Never thought I could be happier to see a Rand POV.

Like maybe Nynaeve would also be as welcome but I’m not looking forward to more damn Whitecloaks

I mean that’s nice. Guy has deep pockets. (Me later. Internal wailing)

I feel like he was like ‘here are some scarves. Good luck being bandits or whatever. Plz hide your faces dipshit’

No good very bad trip.

Cold hard ground will do that. And stress. Creepy dagger is creepy

And cursed. So clearly cursed. Don’t think I’d have missed it ever

So everyone’s trip is just getting worse then? (This is when I relaized this is all just whump. No I’m not going to stop callin it that)

“Who would I sell it to, Rand?” -Mat on selling the clearly cursed dagger. Gotta admit, he’s got a point there

Glad to see reason is had

Honestly the image of Mat trying to steal eggs and milk -from unattended field cows- is hilarious. Oh and getting chased by dogs up a tree. Excellent.

Ah paranoia

Food! Real food. Honestly worth those hours dude

Specifically Mat’s terrible no good life

Grinwell’s farm… hmm

Nine?!

50/50 they’re just taking in kids off the road. That’s my bet

Blondes are also apparently very rare

“Perrin would know how to handle this… He’d make some offhanded comment, and pretty soon she be laughing at his jokes instead of mooning around where her father can see.” -Rand thinking to himself on Else’s staring and laughing and general. Attentions. Ok. This is just lowkey a comedy. I’m elated again.

And shoe drop when?

It’s just too happy right?

I can not believe it took them that long to try performing in an inn. I love these woolheaded babies so much

Ch 32 : Four Kings in the Shadow

Dark fang thing on this chapter. That’s what it’s called right? (I later learn why it’s here)

Rand POV again. Cool

In Four Kings. A village. Where it seems like the shoe will drop

See chapter name

Saloon town!

Immense. Kids are playing in the ditches so (future me- idk why it says immense. I’ve forgotten but kids were playing in ditches)

Hey winner! The Dancing Cartman. No music. Seemingly [foreboding music from the future]

Innkeeper- Saml Hake (btw he’s skinny)

Lovely man. Great. Just great /s.

Nice. Go in confident. Hope it works.

He’s still real fuckedup from the father thing huh? Which… fair I guess?

This place has two bouncers? There 6 customers

The plot is merciful. The rain waits

B/c their town is shit for starters.

Ah preparing to be a thriving bastard. Be ready to take turns sleeping boys.

Oh thank fuck he’s at least perceptive enough to notice that

Truly. At least get a meal

Ah the plot weather ‘no you sleep inside or I fuck you up’

Oh great creepy rich dude.

Creepy rich guy = Howal Gode, Whitebridge merchant(?)

Yes that’s weird.

And the shoe drops. Inns a trap

Oh I’ve read this getting bars off a window stuff before. It was uh… worse than this situation

Team luck is running out of luck tonight

Lol. Ok… if so, now they’d just pretend to, ya know. Do something else that could make lots of noise.

Gode is a fucking Darkfriend then.

Just stab him through the door

Mmm. I I don’t think you could just get away from them. Somehow. I doubt that

Oh shit lightening just struck that inn. And opened a hole to outside.

Oh those men are dead

That’s gonna leave a scar. An inside one.

Ch 33

Rand POV again

Sounds like he’s ill?

Where’s Mat?

Oh there.

Mmm quick illness huh? That’s not at all concerning I’m sure /s (flashback to an earlier chat between an Aes Sedai and a Wisdom)

Fuck. Whitecloaks? Oh no just militia. Yay! (Cuz that is better imho)

Aw Queens Guard specifically

Lol. The boys ‘what’s a queens guard and why?’ farmer dude ‘damn this kingdom has gone to shit’

The whole Two Rivers ‘what’s Andor -the kingdom they are claimed as- and why are they here?’

“…not like to rob or hurt anybody.” -Master Kinch (a farmer who helped them) to Rand and Mat. Yup! Sure. /s

Ah smooth Mat.

Cursed dagger. Also stress. Also trauma. But mainly? I’d bet it’s the cursed fucking dagger

“There are still some good people.” -Rand to Mat. Now I’m feeling things!

And more feelings!

Oh… that’s a trauma dream/nightmare. Yup. That’s what that is. Not gonna put that one here.

Suffice to say that man is burned badly.

And it also ol’ Balzo. Of course

“I belong to myself. Not you. Not ever. Myself.” -Rand to -Ba’alzamon- Balzo. Good for him!

Did still hit him with a fireball. And he woke up with sunburn. So… not good

More feelings.

“Suddenly, he [Rand] realized Mat was twisting and moaning in his sleep. He shook him, and Mat came awake with a whimper. ‘My eyes! Oh, Light, my eyes. He took my eyes!’ Rand held him close, cradling him against his chest as if he were a baby. ‘You’re all right, Mat. You’re all right. He can’t hurt us. We won’t let him.’ He could feel Mat shaking, sobbing into his coat. ‘He can’t hurt us.’ He whispered, and wished he believed it. What protects you makes you vulnerable. I am going mad.”

Wtf is the queen going to do? Well I guess she could like distribute food or something. But she can’t cure the cows.

… can she?

Everyone ‘idk what your running from and I don’t want to. I have a family. But I’ll help ya’

(I’m just saying if Mat and Rand touched each other this much in the show people would be feral. And I don’t say that as a bad thing)

Of fuck. I forgot we’ve been in a flashback for like two chapters until now.

“We never even saw you. You are a good man. The best we’ve met in days.” -Rand to some farmer who says he can’t really help them and to plz act like they were never anywhere near him but here’s some scarves to protect you from the road dust.

The pattern was like ‘oh right. People need? Hope and stuff. Uh… Here’s a guy with some scarves.’

Yes you are going to get pneumonia

Oh we’re in flashback again!

“The front door opened to let someone out, and a wave of laughter rolled out after him. Rand froze in the street, the drunken laughter at The Dancing Cartman echoing in his head.” -eotw. Rand’s perspective, as he leads half blinded Mat by the hand to an inn, after the previous no good bad time at tDC.

Oh… the Pattern- ‘crap. Crap. Ok he’s getting too fucked up too soon. Look. Nice inn. Its fine. Be ok. Damn it.’

“…he doubted he would ever again trust a skinny innkeeper.” -(Rand) relieved to see a fat innkeeper. (Hake was skinny. Bad times)

Innkeeper- Rulan Allwine

Thinking everyone is missing Moiraine at this point. ‘Specially team Luck. She had money, they do not (I later learn I am right)

“The innkeeper seemed surprised that they were retiring so early, but he made no comment.” -teotw. (Astonishing what making characters actually just get along and like each other will do to make me want the relationship, in some form. And then these moments too)

‘Ey! Mat got his sight back! Sorta.

“No more worrying about Darkfriends, once they were back with the Aes Sedai and the Warder.” -(Rand)

Paitr uh huh. Let’s skip to the betrayal huh? (Editor me- bad name. It’s similar to one on my list)

Love that Darkfriends truly can just be some dude.

Inn- The Queen’s Man

Mat assuring Rand. And convincing him to perform again so they don’t starve or freeze to death

Oh man. The old “one coin to crawl into a bed with some strangers to sleep” (and yes historically that was absolutely a real thing)

Yay. He bit

Nope Dragon isn’t in Caemlyn

Oh fuck. That’s not just stress is it? Chills?? /flashbacks to earlier chapters/

“Suddenly, Mat took his arm, pulling him to his feet. All of their things… hung from Mat’s shoulders with his bow. The innkeeper was watching them… Weaving, more than half supported by Mat, Rand let his friend steer him toward the back door. ‘S-s-sorry, M-m-mat,’ he managed. He could not stop his teeth from chattering.’” -Rand after all but collapsing when overcome with chills and brain fog. Being half carried out at an inn by Mat.

Now shivering in fetal position in a stable.

Emotions. Mat is like legit taking care of him. Noo. I don’t want these emotions! What I’m I gonna do with them?

Listen yes I am a shipper. But I also do actually appreciate just the friendship and caring for each other b/c of friendship

And now. Hot flashes.

“They don’t even know what a wisdom is.” -Mat. Also mentions a Mother Brune who is currently delivering a baby and therefore can’t help them. (Later me learns we don’t see her. Not for this illness far as I could tell)

Inkeep- Master Inlow.

And now Rand’s just straight up hallucinating.

What he sees- Ba’alzamon and two Fades; silent. Egwene, mournful; blaming him for killing the rest; at its end “But she turned into the shadows, and was shadow.” Moiraine, serene but deathly pale; insists he must go to Tar Valon and only Aes Sedai can save him. Thom, “smiling sardonically”, clothes charged and fighting a Fade; insists he not trust Aes Sedai -asks which Ajah will find him first red or maybe black? Lan, stone faced and face covered in blood; warns him, extremely ominously, that anyone can be a Darkfriend; at its end “He smiled a wolf’s smile, and blood poured out of his mouth. ‘Anyone.’” Perrin, Mistress al’Vere, Capt Bayle Domon, Master Fitch. “Min, screaming in a Trolloc’s clutches.” Others. Tam. [Tam frowning and shaking his head just standing over Rand].

… so just a bad time.

lol. Wondering the Ajah of a woman dressed all in green

Dark friend actually tho.

Oh fuck more cursed daggers

Sure you will buddy

Oh shit… I mean. I could be wrong. Been a bad time. He might

Sure they will. And I’m sure you’ll all sing and dance and be happy until you break time and everything is destroyed. /s

“Maybe you Darkfriends aren’t as dangerous as I’ve always heard.” -Mat to the darkfriend woman in the stables. After she nearly killed him

Oh no a Fade. (/Sardonic) Listen, yes it’s terrifying but at this point de we been care anymore? Bring it on

Bye other cursed scary dagger

Oh shit that channeling sickness -b/c that’s what it is- is no joke. Lasting a while isn’t it? I guess just a full night now actually?

And I think that takes us full circle. Met Hyam Kinch, man with wagon, seen earlier in the story.

[janiedean]

I feel bad for all the nice J*nsa shippers who like their ship for whatever reasons (tropes, pretty art, aesthetic appeal, whatever) and know it's not canon but get associated with the misogynistic Dany hating crowd who act like Jon being attracted to Ygritte is J*nsa foreshadowing because red hair (I guess Jon should fuck Edmure Tully too? Omg give me Dark!Jon getting revenge on Catelyn by seducing her brother!) Tell me something. I'm new to the fandom but was J*nsa popular before the show? And I've heard something about the OG J*nsa shippers being alienated by the new shippers who insisted it had to be canon and acted like the series is called, "A song of J*nsa #danysux." I don't find that hard to believe because I know people who are now ashamed of calling themselves J*nsa shippers. Like, at this point, it's not only rival shippers who hate it. Even Gendrya/Braime/Jon stans/etc have started disliking that ship. You know your fandom is a problem when people who have nothing to do with Jnsa have a problem with it.

me: reads this ask

me: iwastheregandalf.gif which I can't find now but

okay anon buckle up because I am sadly well-equipped to answer this ask but before I do lemme tell you dark jon seducing edmure to take revenge on cat is LITERALLY THE BEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD but *clears throat* ALL RIGHT THEN.

disclaimer: as anon says I have no issue with like the shippers mentioned by anon in the beginning and ngl I agree, I have ABSOLUTELY ZERO FUCKING STAKES in the j*nsa vs j*nerys war and the only het jon ship I gaf about is jon/ygritte and we all know where that ended up I just... have been here since 2011/adwd was over and all the fic around was just for the books under secret lj communities and asoiaf qualified for yuletide and I have... seen... things.... and I actually have like uh had... beef... with some people in there and I know things bc ppl who hated those others told me stuff so anyway *sigh* buckle up anon I'mma tell you the story of jon shipwars through the years

in order, the old gods help me here, under the cut bc this is long as fuck

when I got into fandom also given what numbers were on ao3 one ship was popular and it was sansan. no like sansan was lit. the only asoiaf ship on ao3 with more than 200 fics. jb had twenty when i checked first. jc had like around 100-ish because of the show but sansan dwarfed anything. I posted the first jon/ygritte fic on the ao3 tag and the fourth throbb fic and like the others were all reposts from lj kinkmemes. nothing was popular before the show except for sansan when it comes to huge numbers bc grrm doesn't like fic and it was all hush hush until the show made it impossible to control and that ship was the one with a huge enough fanbase it actually had numbers, so like... j*nsa wasn't popular in the way nothing else was popular until it got screentime on the show

now, that stated, j*nsa had a... fair amount of fic for a rareship which was mostly book-based and from og shippers that were there from before the show and liked it for what it was but literally none of them thought it was gonna be canon, like it wasn't huge or anything but it had a small but dedicated fanbase who did their own thing and thought it was fun/liked the idea but that was it

that fandom had their own niche of hcs that they cultivated and shit except that like... at the end of S5/beginning of S6 there was a surge in shipping for... well obvious reasons bc it was obv sansa was getting to the wall and that would have been all nice and good but a) it was the time puritanical shipping was starting to take root and the 'shipping sansa with sandor or tyrion is hella problematic' rhetoric had started to circle coming from sans*ery shippers mostly but I'mma not open that fucking can of worms here, b) while the ending of S5 had more of a theon/sansa spike, the j*nsa stuff started getting big

now here we have to mention my villain origin story ie: j*nsa fandom had this one stan whose name I won't make because honestly it's been years and if she's still around I don't want her to remember I exist who was a bnf, wrote for... the website that created the whole larry/carol thing etc who was really fixed on this thing that j*nsa was actually canon and started writing extremely popular meta about it. now you're gonna ask how do you know, I know because this person once wrote a meta named 'why robb stark is a dick' and I told her that it was really fucking bad meta and she took it so badly she kept on trash talking me on her blog/her podcast (I was apparently the insane robb stark fangirl l m a o good lord) and like that was when some sane ppl who argued with her informed me in pvt that she was basically harping on the CANON thing when they'd have been okay with like... it being crackshipping and that she was basically cultivating a hoarde of followers who were harping on them/the ogs and basically ostracizing them;

I would like to add that this person - before her tumblr got 'accidentally deleted' and remade it therefore deleted most receipts for, er, her so-called meta which included stuff like ned and cat raised sansa as a sexual object and only wanted to sell her like cattle - had at some point started a round robin fic thing where... some of the characters mocked openly said stuff that some of the og fans had said specifically targeting them and people in that side basically went harassing anyone who didn't agree with that specific notion

now never mind that this person basically coined an entire term to describe ppl who liked white guys and excused all their wrongdoings out of my conversation re robb basically lying about everything I said as if I didn't have the receipts and tried to sell shirts with it and it didn't work and like then she got kicked out of her own website because she was telling her commenters disagreeing pretty shitty insults (considering I was called psychotic for disagreeing with her that time I don't doubt it) I think at some point she stepped back from fandom bc idk wtf she's up to these days and I don't want to, but basically at that point the dam was broken and there was a bunch of puritanical shippers harping on anyone who didn't agree with j*nsa is canon endgame stuff

this also includes an incident when those ppl were like... passing themselves as throbb shippers and ended up trying to tell t*hramsay shippers off the theon tag based on moral reasons and I ended up arguing with all of them (and they were all from that crowd) which in turn landed me in contact with other og j*nsa shippers who were like detached from that fandom bc those same people harassed them away as well ssooooo fun

anyway when S6 happened everyone was high on it and whatnot but I wasn't gonna begrudge them that I mean... you shipped it for years, canon is delivering you, good for you, but then j*nerys happened

god j*nerys happened

aaand basically...... I mean personally I was there like are y'all seriously arguing about the best incest jon ship out there but like basically the j*nsa endgame side was like AH JON IS PLAYING DANY SEE IF IT DOESN'T HAPPEN, the j*nerys obv got defensive af and both sides were sort of alternatively shitting on jon/ygritte anyway and depicting any other romantic rship jon could have as abusive™ and during S8 it just got worse and like I tried to stay out of it but basically from what I'm seeing now idk how the j*neryses are doing but on the j*nsa one it's ah jon's gonna play dany anyway and she's going to go insane like in the show so SHOW TRUTHING EVERY OTHER WAY and like again denying that sandor exists or that tyrion exists and like I barely touch my corner (sansan) but I ended up arguing with j*nsa/th*nsa people on twitter who were antis and is2g it was white-hair inducing and I know for sure the sansa/tyrion shippers were harassed to hell and back throughout so FUN

and even if the show didn't go there now since everyone there banked on the jnsa endgame thing and admitting you're wrong is like... not a thing, they still haven't let go of it and attach to that ship any shred of evidence which honestly is grasping at straws half of the time (like... the sansa/alysanne parallels like guys please no) and which is why every other ship is starting to get fed up, attaching canon proof of stuff from other ships onto theirs see that batb argument and jb is platonic but jonsa is not nvm taking all the sansan stuff and throwing it on j*nsa but then denying that sansan has canon evidence (like guys I had to read sansa touching his shoulder when saying gregor wasn't a true knight wasn't meaningful and we were seeing things please) and blah blah blah

this also goes hand in hand with the fixation on like... villanizing dany at all costs and like is2g I have zero investment in dany or her storyline I don't even remember it and I don't particularly care abt her either way and sure af I'm not for j*nerys endgame but like.... some stuff I read is completely excessive esp when fixing on how she's a completely mad tyrant who's gonna have to be put down and like... guys no

(also there's some srs stannis hate in that corner which I honestly don't get why they even care abt stannis but I had to read stuff like ppl don't recognize that dany and stannis are the real villains in this saga and like........ idek)

I think most of the og shippers are gone or don't ship it openly bc they don't want to be attached to the drama but like I also think they're pissing off everyone else bc like... I mean a bunch of them also were down with sansa being paired with other ppl as long as it meant a good ending for her except those ppl were... like everyone but the ppl she has actual contact with in canon which meant that at some point sansa/gendry was a thing and like.... you can imagine why arya/gendry shippers & arya stans were fed up, and there's also this tendency to behave like sansa is the center of the entire saga which like these books is named a song of jon snow basically can we pls make peace with it and personally I've had it with both j*nsa and j*nerys people since they started with that dumbass JON/YGRITTE WAS AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP rhetoric but I'm also fed up with the total ignoring that sandor exists/depicting us as delusional and honestly I also was by proxy fed up from the harassing of the sansa/tyrion shippers soooooooooooo

there were also instances of 'well theon is an acceptable choice other than jon bc he can't threaten her' which... i mean we all know what that meant and I'm not even commenting it bc it's one AM and I have no force to but I don't have to explain why it's not a progressive take now do I

there were also metas about how cousin incest being legal in half of the world means that jondany is a worse incest and j*nsa doesn't count as such and I was basically there like guys please just fucking own up to it but honestly I chose to forgot where I read that and I couldn't find the link if I tried

tldr: no one wants to admit that it's not gonna be endgame which considering the amount of fic they have on ao3 is imvho useless bc they have more content than like.. anything I ship that's not jb or that's actually like canon *cries in joncon/rhaegar but I mean renly/loras is canon and has less fic than them* so idk what's the problem with enjoying that instead of insisting it's gonna be canon when not even the show validated it while show truthing anyway when the only show truthing that can be truthed is the small council made of minorities and possibly jon eventually fucking off with the wildlings but not like that but like most people who thought it wasn't gonna be endgame had left/were made to leave by the time S7 rolled by and at this point since wow isn't out yet everyone is fandom-grasping at straws to find stuff to discourse on and we're here beating dead horses *shrug*

so that's... how it is but I would again like to point out that I don't judge ppl on their shipping, I don't particularly care about this entire feud bc I only ship jon with ppl he's not related to in whichever way and I try to stay out of this mess bc I don't really care to argue with ppl who have already decided to bend canon to whatever they want and will have to realize that it's not what grrm wrote at some point but like I have a very good memory and the above rant is as objective as possible also bc again I don't literally have a stake in that race I just think romantic/endgame j*nsa is not a thing and that ppl should stay in their lane and not harping on other ppl who ship whatever in general but especially when their ship is the most popular thing in fandom in the first place /two cents

[meruz]

Aforementioned long ask post please excuse me while i try to figure out tumblr's new text editor. I’ll get into the art meme questions first and then the rest at the end.

Ok first of all thank you all for sending in questions! Giving me an excuse to talk hehe. I’ll address these in number order. Here’s a link to the ask meme for reference but also I’ll restate the question for ease of reading.

1. When did you get into art?

Super cliche answer but I don’t remember a time where I WASN’T the weird art kid! I started keeping a dedicated sketchbook when I was about 12? But here’s a page from my kindergarten journal about what I want to be when I grow up.

2. What art-related sites have you ever signed up for? 

LOL this is a weird question. Not sure why so many people want to know. Anyways I definitely had a dA. more than one dA account. I used to browse oekakis when I was a kid but I think I was only signed up to some small ones that internet friends owned. What else...? Mangabullet,Tegakie, Paintberri, iscribble back when that was a thing, instagram if that COUNTs, I used to post art on livejournal and dreamwidth too. Patreon, I guess. Gumroad, inprnt, bigcartel, storenvy all for selling stuff.

In terms of resources.. I have a schoolism account that I’m sharing with friends. Used to take classes on coursera for free. I signed up to textures.com for work recently haha. I can’t remember if I ever had an account on posemaniacs. Did they have accounts...? I definitely used to visit all the time.

3. Show us your oldest piece of art you have on hand.

Alright here’s me actually logging into my old deviantart account. These are from September 2008 So I was 13 years old. I don’t have a deviantart account from before then because 13 was the required age for having an account and I didn’t want to lie about my age because I wanted people to be impressed by how young yet clearly incredible at art I was LOL.

4. What defines your artistic style?

You guys are probably more equipped to answer this than me but uh... I wanna say... Focus on colors. And... a slightly heavy hand? Like confident... not always well-considered mark making HAH...

Also I think I have a pretty healthy mix of american comics/manga influences. I feel like people who are into american comics always think my art is too manga and people who are into anime/manga always think my art is too american. And I’m taking that as a good sign.

5. Do you practice other styles/have you tried other styles in the past?

I like to think I switch it up a bunch! I mean, these are pretty different, right?

I think I’ve mentioned this before but one thing I really took away from art school is that, for an illustrator at least, art style shouldn’t be consistent. Your greatest weapon is changing the aspects of your style based on the task, the emotions and message you want to illustrate etc. So depending on the project I’m working on, the fandom I’m drawing for, whether I want something to be funny or serious or dramatic, I’ll change things about my style all the time.

One thing I don’t rly post on here is really tight polished work and that’s because I do that for my day job haha. If you’re not paying me... I’m probably not gonna color in the lines.

6. What levels of artistic education have you had?

I have a whole ass diploma LOL. Bachelor of Fine Arts in Illustration. from the Rhode Island School of Design. And I had a great college experience tbh. Besides the student loans. If any of you guys are thinking about art school feel free to e-mail or message me questions or concerns, I’ll be happy to help. Be as honest as I can be.

7. Show us at least one picture you drew or sketched recently that you did not put on a public site.

heres the wandavision kids. Uhh what else do I have...I feel like I’m rummaging for loose change here...

assorted valentines prep doodles

8. What is your favourite piece that you have done?

Well, obviously this is gonna change all the time and generally it’s gonna be my most recent piece LOL. So yeah, why the hell not. I’ll say it’s this one. I have a pretty short memory which I count as a blessing for an artist. I don’t dwell that long on older work and it keeps me moving forward.

10. What do you like most about your art?

I like that it’s something that only I would make! I had this thought fairly recently and I wrote it down in my sketchbook, it’s pretty cheesy and rambling but it felt revolutionary at the time:

So yeah. I like my art best when it’s the most me and for me. And I like it least when it feels like I’m just making something for social media or for other people’s expectations or whatever.

14. What do you like drawing the most?

Kids in baggy clothing are like my go-to LOL idk if that’s obvious. but also I like being challenged so lately I’ve really loved drawing multi-character compositions, environments, weird angles, etc.

oh i LOVE drawing the underside of shoes lol. And bandages. People that are kinda beat up.. I think it comes from getting a bunch of cuts all the time. I’m always patching myself up and I want to patch characters up too.

15. What do you like drawing the least?

mmm I try to find something to like in every drawing but lets see... I don’t like doing commissions of people’s dogs. Just because it’s normally like... a family friend and my mom volunteered me without my consent and I don’t even really know what they’re expecting me to draw and I don’t even get to meet the dog. Also I’m not that great at dog anatomy. Trying to learn though.

18. What is your purpose for drawing?

This could have a million answers! Uhhh to GIT GOOD??? But also to express myself... and also to make money... I mean it depends on what the drawing IS. I draw fanart mostly to connect to people in the fandom so if you ever see me drawing fanart please take it as like an open invitation to talk to me about the character haha. 

20. How would you rank your art? (poor, mediocre, good, etc.)

Good!!! I have a lot of self-confidence primarily born out of ignorance and a short attention span. If I don’t think too hard about how many other artists are mindblowingly unfathombly good... its easy to think I’m good too! LOL

In all seriousness though, I think the opinion a person has of their art is like a crazy balancing act, right? Like you have to think you suck enough to want to get better but also you have to think you’re good enough to not want to give up. I think we’re all walking that line, I know I am! But also I’m a glass half-full type of person so. Most of the time I feel good about it.

22. List at least one of your “artspirations.”

This is a good question because I’ve been trying and failing to put together one of those “influence map” memes for like a full month now. What’s giving me a hard time is I feel like none of these are actually really obvious “““influences”““ in my art? Like it’s hard to see a lot of them in the work I make...? But idk maybe you guys’ll see what I can’t.

And these are just a couple! God there’s so many more. I could talk about other artists for ages, from all different genres of art. Daumier, Rockwell like every illustrator out there, Dana Gibson, Alex Toth, Hiroshi Yoshida, a lot of the Brandywine School. Lots of current working artists too, Karl Kerschl, frikkin Masashi Kishimoto lol, Jake Wyatt, Richie Pope, Edouard Caplain, Matt Cook, Sachin Teng, - lots of big internet artists, Sophie Li, Freddy Carrasco, Milliofish, Angela Sung... like all my friends from art school too. I could just keep going but I’ll stop for now lol.

24. Do you have a shameful art past? (recolour sprite comics, tracing art, etc.)

I mean if that’s how we’re defining shameful?? sure LOL. It’s not sprite comics but I used to do pokemon sprite recolors all the time. And I used to trace manga panels and color them... Granted this was all when I was like under 12 yrs old so it’s not even embarrassing. Can you really call it shameful when a 7 year old wets the bed or whatever? Not really. In fact some of these are cool as fuck. Look

25. Draw a picture!

Man I’m so tired now but here.

I used to get a lot of compliments for drawing people smiling lol but I don’t think I’ve drawn a lot of smiling lately.. here’s proof I’ve still got it.

OK MEME DONE. onto the rest.

I read this ask first thing when i opened my computer in the morning and it made me really emotional.. I’m so glad my sketches could help you!!

I think a lot of artists on social media talk about the struggle of making art but imo not enough people talk about the joy! Like I know it’s corny but. I really meant what I said at the beginning of that sketchbook about re-contextualizing art around process and progress > product and perfection. I think its super important..! The strength of messy, unfinished, and energetic art! For the feeling of it, for the love it!

That's crazy!!! I hope you like 'em. The whole line of x-books is really good rn imo.

Hi! I totally have the answer for digital stuff on my faq lol. But in terms of drawing on paper.. it varies! I tend to use sketchbooking and any on-paper doodling I do as a way to loosen up/warm-up or experiment. But right now my go-to aresenal is:

from top > bottom

- kuretake no.55 doublesided brush pen

- tombow fudenosuke

- muji 0.38 ballpoint

- medium size poscas

- grey tombow double brush pens

- good ol bic mechanical pencil

not EXACTly sure which inking you referring to from my sketchbook but if I had to take a guess it'd probably be the kuretake no55. That's been my main inker, lately. Great for sketching with the thin end too.

You can print out and eat my art if you like. Just please don't mass produce or re-sell. <3

Thanks! I've come to accept that my art is always gonna be sort of gestural and painty naturally. It's getting it to tighten up enough to be legible that's hard lol...

uh yeah lol I agree actually. I think yolei is great.

I assume these asks are related? LOL

1) Yeah totally true. I love David.

2) I don’t take requests, sorry! But if you want to commission me to draw Legion i would be MORE than happy to. Just e-mail me at isellhotdogs@gmail.com.

<33333333333333333333333333

[nikkoliferous]

Phase One: Thor

Since I was looking up my past live-blog of the novel and realising how annoying and repetitive reading through it all is because of my having structured it as a bunch of reblogs, I’ve decided to organize it all into one long-ass post instead. In case anyone else wants to read it in the future. Or in case I decide to re-read it. Because I’m hilarious. 😅

SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO

My Hilarious Yet Wrathful Overview Of Phase One: Thor, Redux

—

If your son who’s to become king requires a babysitter to not screw it all up and also the idea of him being king is stressful enough to put you into a coma, maybe, uh… reconsider doing that? Just a thought.

But you see here why Odin was so deadset on Thor becoming king, despite him being ill-suited for the role. It’s not about what’s best for Asgard; it’s about personal legacy. Thor is Odin’s mini me, and Loki is very much not. There are places within the text where Odin laments Thor “lacking his father’s wisdom” (he’s definitely inherited your humility, though, Odin!), but he hopes for Thor to grow into a “wise king” like himself. Whereas he holds no such illusions (lol, pun) that Loki will ever take after him.

now with tag commentary! #this scene is in the script and both novelizations #(though in reading this novel seems to just be a more complete version of the junior novel? #idk i'm confused because they're supposedly written by different authors but so far the text is identical) #and it drives me insane each time i read it

“Haha, I’m a warmongering piece of shit, isn’t it funny?”

I know, I know. I try to cut Asgard some slack for being such a militaristic culture because social changes happen slowly and when you live for thousands of years per generation, it makes sense that your views on things like war would be regressive. The text says Odin has ruled Asgard for tens of thousands of years (so much for taking Loki’s “give or take 5,000 years” line literally; sure, the Odinsleep would have extended Odin’s lifespan, but by that much? Idk).

Still, fuck Odin. Especially since he’ll eventually try to shame Loki for doing the same thing he’s fucking boasting about here. And on a much smaller scale too.

…is it, though?

I actually think Loki’s relationship with being the centre of attention is really interesting in its complexity and we don’t discuss it enough. I’ve said this before, but he strikes me as the sort of person who craves attention but also wouldn’t really know what to do with it if he had it. He craves it as a result of neglect, because he’s never been shown recognition or validation. This is why he seems to revel in it in Stuttgart, even in (or maybe especially in?) his brainwashed state. But he also frequently comes across as pretty introverted and has horrible self-esteem, so I think on another level, sustained, genuine attention would make him feel kind of uncomfortable. Loki seems to believe that in order to be loved or respected, he has to literally be Thor, though. And Thor has always been the centre of attention, so for Loki, attention is synonymous with respect.

I find Loki’s relationship with wanting attention especially fascinating because I too both crave and fear it. As a borderline, I need it. When no one is paying attention to me, I lose my sense of identity. I feel as though I literally cease to exist. It’s excruciatingly painful. And yet, I have no authentic sense of self; I’m just a chameleon, and the closer people get to me, the more likely it is they’ll see behind my mask. They’ll realise it’s all a show and that I’m actually no one. And then they’ll leave. I can’t help wondering if that’s how Loki feels sometimes too.

Wait, what? You mean goat. His horns are shaped like a goat’s. This is a ram: 

This is a goat:

This is Loki:

Do you see now? They’re like a goat. Not a ram. Not a cow. A GOAT.

This book was written before Ragnarok was a thing, so it may be unfair to connect the two, but it still seems worth noting that it was Thor who reduced Loki to being no more than a trickster to begin with. “You could be more,” my ass. Loki’s problem has never been that he was one-dimensional; it was always that the people in his life, including Thor, refused to see any other dimensions to him. Which makes those words particularly cruel—as if they aren’t cruel enough already, what with the physical torture and all. 

Always happy to have cause to point out that

Loki was on Thor clean-up duty their whole lives; he certainly was not trying to kill Thor.

People like to point to Loki’s attempted genocide of the Jötnar and attempted(-ish? lol) conquest of Earth as proof that he’s some kind of violent maniac. But in a little place I like to call reality, Loki was historically far less aggressive and bloodthirsty than his peers.

Question: why is one conqueror evil and the other is righteously entitled to ruling over the Nine Realms?

Asgardian exceptionalism FTW

I can’t even begin to imagine what would lead you to expect such a thing, Odin. 😂

Uh, ‘cause it is?? And also their planet is MELTING without it??

This is all only within the first two chapters, btw. Lmao

—

—

—

“Looking for answers,” my foot.

YOU WOULD THINK SO, WOULDN’T YOU??

#i mean unless you knew heimdall #he only commits treason on days that end in y

—

—

What’d I say? Thor clean-up dutyyyyy 

Just wanna remind everyone that this 

is why he’s smiling during this scene 

because it makes me laugh every time. 😂 

—

My heart breaks every time I remember that second excerpt because literally ALL OF IT happened to him when he survived falling through the wormhole. My poor boy. 😭

But also of note… Loki gets cold (and also does not like being cold). This interests me because 1) as many are aware, the prevalent headcanon that Loki has a low body temperature irritates me and 2) it possibly(?) lends weight to the theory that he may not be fully Jötun, whether by virtue of his birth or Odin’s spell.

Haha, look at this Feminist Icon™ trying to take credit for his female friend’s accomplishments! Truly inspiring. 

#for some reason the ragnarok lovers have somehow decided that thor is both a feminist and lesbian icon #whatever that means 🤷‍♀️ #and i'm still trying very hard to figure out why #is it literally just because he *says* he respects women or whatever in that dumb rambly conversation with valkyrie?

Ooh… you were so close to getting the point, Volstagg. So close. Take your tongue off Odin’s boot for just a couple minutes longer.

Also, the author just forgot the name of the Casket. How did this book get published? 😂

JUST LOOKING FOR ANSWERS, HUH?

Because fuck Loki, amirite? He, uh… he’s a prince too, you know.

Also… Fandral, you dweeb 😂

…am I reading too much into this, or did Odin just literally forget that Loki exists?

On the other hand, the author also seemed to forget Loki existed for most of this chapter, so who knows. 🤷‍♀️

lmao @ Jane immediately trying to convince herself she’s too rational to be attracted to a stranger 

Honestly, though, big mood. 

Just your periodic reminder that Thor’s sycophantic friends KNEW Loki was right and decided to throw him under the bus anyway. 

Just as I’ve always said: That was it. That was their ENTIRE rationale. That Loki *could* have done it, therefore he must have. Please tell me these people have nothing to do with Asgard’s justice system.

…lol, jk, Asgard has no justice system.

Ok, first of all, no.

Second: thank you, Fandral. You’re a self-absorbed cad, but also evidently Thor’s least stupid friend.

Thirdly, how…? First, it was, “Loki arranged all this because he’s jealous of Thor.” Now they’ve suddenly jumped all the way to, “All of Asgard is in danger.” What exactly does Sif think Loki is planning? He’s gonna, what… assassinate Odin and then sell Asgard to the Jötnar?

—

Please stop hurting me.

Just so there’s no confusion: this one sentence explains everything Loki did for the rest of the movie. It explains how a person who has been historically non-aggressive suddenly transforms into a warmonger. To prove himself a real Asgardian, like his brother and father and grandfather. 

—

…why did Odin fall into the Odinsleep in two completely different scenes in this book? I’m super confused.

Also, we really need to talk about how cruel it is of Marvel to keep forcing Loki to prove his loyalty again and again and again when he’s been doing so almost literally since we met him. And by “we need to talk about it”, I mean I need to tie Kevin Feige and co. to a chair and spend a minimum of five hours lecturing them on how poorly they understand their own fucking character.

Let’s just be clear here: they’re talking about Loki. They’re saying Loki, their LEGITIMATE king, is an enemy of Asgard, based on evidence so paper-thin it’s practically invisible. Just… please, let that sink in. Take a moment to appreciate how utterly fucked up that is. 

I’m sorry (not really), but Thor was so much funnier before Ragnarok.

This scene has always kind of bugged me. If Odin removed Thor’s powers, how come he can still control the weather? Confusing.

So what exactly was Thor’s plan anyway, before he realised he couldn’t lift Mjölnir? He was just gonna call on Heimdall to help him commit treason AGAIN, show up on Asgard against the expressed command of his king, and… Odin would just shrug and be like, “You got me, son! I guess I can’t keep you down. Welcome home!”?

…I mean, I guess that more or less is what happened in the end, but it’s hard to imagine it would have still gone down that way without all the stuff that happened with Loki. Idk.  

#look what i'm saying is... thor is not exactly a thinking person #no one on asgard is a thinking person #except loki but he's crazy now so he's also thinking somewhat poorly lol

Cool, Thor. Now imagine feeling that way for ONE THOUSAND YEARS and develop a little fucking empathy for your brother.

But you won’t.

You’ll brush off his feelings of worthlessness as “imagined slights”. 😒

Nice that somebody knows how the royal line of succession works, I guess… 

That sound you hear? Yeah, that’s just my heart breaking. NBD. 

First, they mislabelled it the Casket of Eternal Winters. Now it’s the Cask of Ancient Winters. Author must have been thirsty when they wrote this. Lol 

Look, not to nitpick, but this is not the recommended procedure when you see a storm that you don’t believe is of supernatural origin coming. I’m just saying. Lol 

Uh… ‘cause he is?? And your pals are committing treason AGAIN, Thor, so it technically is responding to a threat to Asgard. Just FYI.

Anyways, this is an important point that doesn’t get made often enough. People want to act like Loki illegally usurped the throne somehow, but even without the deleted scene that explicitly shows Frigga passing rulership to him (a scene which is, for some reason, entirely skipped over in this book, but whatever), understand this: Loki could not have controlled the Destroyer unless he was legitimately King of Asgard. The fact that he’s able to do so is irrefutable proof that his rulership is valid.

lmao you little shit

So… here’s my issue with this scene (and with Thor as a character): He always assumes that Loki’s acting out specifically to hurt him. That Loki’s entire life and thought process revolves around Thor. He does it in this scene, he does it in The Avengers… it’s just a chronic thing with Thor. Everything is viewed through the lens of Loki inexplicably hating him.

But that’s… just not accurate. Yes, Loki harbours a lot of jealousy towards Thor. But that’s not what’s happening in this scene. Loki is not trying to kill Thor here because he wants him dead; he’s doing it because Thor (and his friends) are getting in the way of Loki completing his ultimate goal. Loki tried to solve this problem non-violently, by lying about Odin being dead. It’s Thor’s friends who all but forced his hand by going behind his back and trying to bring Thor back to Asgard against Loki’s (and Odin’s!) direct orders.

For all the humility he’s learned in the past few days, this entire speech is still really all about Thor. About assuming that Loki’s doing this for personal reasons, because he holds a grudge against Thor for some unknown reason. This is implicit in his request to “take [my life] and end this.” It never even occurs to him that his friends are traitors to the Crown and Loki, as King of Asgard, is perhaps justified in pursuing them.

It also needs to be acknowledged that Thor’s apology here is hollow, even if it’s ultimately coming from his heart, because he has no idea what he’s apologising for. “Whatever I have done to wrong you” is not an apology. An apology addresses specific hurtful actions taken and commits to not repeating those mistakes in the future. Thor cannot commit to not repeating the hurtful things he’s done, because he doesn’t know what he’s done. Despite his best intentions, what Thor is doing here is actually kind of manipulative. He’s not addressing any substantive issue between the two of them; he’s just trying to talk Loki down. And it ultimately fails not because Loki doesn’t care or because he wants Thor dead, but because it doesn’t actually change anything.

Finally and only semi-relatedly, we should maybe at some point talk about the fact that Loki, who is stated to be a master tactician, has displayed a weird pattern of hardly ever being as lethal as he could be. He freezes Heimdall in place instead of killing him outright; he backhands Thor with the Destroyer instead of incinerating him; he, well… *gestures vaguely at almost the entirety of the first Avengers movie* Anytime the violence is even a little bit personal, he seems to hedge. Odd behaviour for somebody who’s supposedly super evil.

I’m sorry, I know I’ve pointed it out at least a hundred times before, but I just can’t encounter this scene in any form without taking a moment to appreciate how underrated and hilarious it is.

I also genuinely wonder how many Ragnarok stans who have accused me of having no sense of humour, have failed to laugh at moments like this one. Kinda feel like if you need to have the comedy spoonfed to you in the form of ass jokes, maybe you’re the one whose sense of humour is lacking. 🤷‍♀️

Let’s be super clear: this is not what happened. Loki did not betray Odin; he was betrayed by Odin. He did not open Asgard to its enemies; he attempted, misguidedly, to destroy Asgard’s enemies. And he most certainly did not commit suicide out of a sense of guilt.

I’m not saying Loki did nothing wrong, nor am I saying he feels no regret for the lives he has taken. What I’m saying is there’s no indication that he believes he betrayed Odin or Asgard in the process. Which makes perfect sense, because he didn’t. Everything he tried to do was for Odin and Asgard. It was misguided and horrible, yes, but it can hardly be classified as a betrayal.

The insurmountable burden on Loki is not that he did terrible things, but that no matter what he does or how hard he tries, Odin will never look at him with anything but contempt. Consider once more these passages from the very beginning of the book, at Thor’s coronation:

—

Consider that this book goes to great pains to point out that Odin favours Thor because Thor is a warrior like him. And yet even when Loki embraces that, even when he acts more war-like than ever before, Odin rejects him— just as he always has.

There is a reason why this moment is the last time Loki will ever call Odin his father. Because he realises once and for all that, no, nothing he tries will ever be good enough; no, Odin won’t ever look at him with pride. That is Loki’s burden. That is why he lets go.

The epilogue is really just two pages of making me want to vomit. 

There’s your party where Thor and a certain subset of the fandom insist that Loki was mourned. There’s barely an indication here that anyone even perceives his demise as a negative thing.

“[Sif] could see Frigga thought [Loki was dead] as well” also contradicts the tie-in comic for TDW, so I don’t know what the author is on about there. Unlike the majority of Marvel comics, the tie-in comics are canon to the MCU, so it’s a bizarre statement to make.

COULD YOU SMEAR THE DEAD* ABUSE VICTIM A LITTLE HARDER, PLEASE? Fucking hell.

No matter how many times I encounter this scene, in whatever format, I still fail to become desensitized to how disgusting it is. I realise there’s a good chance that whatever version of events Thor has been told was twisted at best; but how you can look at a man whose son has just committed suicide under any circumstances and say there will never be a better father than that guy, is utterly beyond my capacity to understand.

And Odin’s “you’ve already made me proud” line just feels like extra salt in the wound because, again, Loki let go because he realized Odin would never say those words to him. And yet they come so damn easily when it’s Thor.

Fuck this entire family so much. I think I hate them more than Loki does. Sometimes I wonder what he would think about that. How he would react to knowing that not only is he actually loved, but that he’s so loved that people are genuinely furious at the way he’s been mistreated. That there are people who regularly devolve into full-on rants because they just can’t contain how much anger they have towards the people who hurt him. I think he’d have a hard time wrapping his head around that concept, tbh.

Anyways, to end on a not-completely-depressing note, I’m still waiting for someone at Marvel to explain how Loki knew what Thor said in this scene after plummeting into a wormhole. ‘Cause he references this conversation as Fauxdin at the end of TDW. So like… ?? Did he steal Odin’s memories before he erased them? Because that would be… kind of neat, actually. And very clever. Not entirely ethical, of course, but it’s Odin, so fuck ethics.

WELP, THAT’S IT. Thanks for following along with my dumbassery, hope you enjoyed yourselves. Lol

[thornescratch]

Alright, I'm here with mandalorian thoughts. So, up until now we've technically been following Din, but like really, we've been following Din and Grogu. So now there's 3 options: We follow just Din, we follow just Grogu, or they somehow end up together end and we follow both again. I think it's reasonably obvious we won't follow Grogu, because uh, it's called the mandalorian... (1/?)

It, to an uninvested disney exec, seems logical to follow just Din. We've set him up perfectly for another plot arc. He's got the darksaber, his covert is dead or scattered; there's definitely a story that can be made there. But I hope that they won't do that; because they'll probably quickly realise that people aren't all that in invested in just Din alone. People are here for him and Grogu. (2/?)

So, we're down to one logically option: somehow reunite Din and Grogu. But we have problems here. The one that first comes to mind is Luke. I looked up how the young luke thing was done (given the credits have Mark Hamill), and it's all CGI, not good makeup or prosthetics and a bit of CGI, or a double and a bit of CGI. That means having Luke is time consuming (because of all the CGI needed) and expensive (Mark Hamill + people doing the CGI). So logically, you want to cut down on Luke time

But if we cut down on Luke screen time, how do we reunite Grogu and Din? Yeah I dunno about that one... Maybe Luke decides he can't take Grogu? Or maybe that isn't actually a problem. The other slight problem is that Mark Hamill talked about this as a cameo, not as a cameo before a proper role. (Maybe there's stuff out there saying he's confirmed for season 3? idk I didn't really look).

Other thoughts I have: I can't imagine Gideon just being left. This can't be a tidy end to his arc. He's coming back. If he doesn't, what's the 'bigger, badder' enemy? Also, we haven't actually seen Luke leave the ship. We know 1 additional ship of dark troopers arrived. Do we really believe there's only one? Also there's still those TIE fighters out there.

So, my predictions are: We start on the ship again. Luke and Grogu go to leave. More dark troopers, or the TIE fighters, or both, or something else arrive. Luke returns to the bridge with the rest. They fight. Din either leaves with those two, or takes Grogu with him. Something happens and either Gideon reveals he's been working for someone and they're on their way, or he gets free or gets rescued. And then idk, I'm not that good at predictions

Now watch me be completely wrong about everything I just said...

I’m with you in that Grogu and Din and their relationship is not just the heart but also the bread and butter of the franchise, so I doubt they stay separate the entire season. (And since I think Disney is hopefully cognizant of the optics of implying that their cutest merch moneymaker gets brutally slaughtered by Kylo Ren some years down the line, I also doubt they go down that path to indicate that’s his future.)

I also agree they’re not likely to have a ton of Luke Skywalker because of the difficulty of the CGI needed for his appearance and because I don’t think they’re quite ready to pull the trigger yet on recasting him with a younger actor like Sebastian Stan or any of the other names tossed around. I don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibility that they would recast-- they did for Han Solo, after all, though that film was a bit of a dumpster fire-- but you’re talking about one of the most iconic characters of the franchise and fans already have, uh, strong opinions about how the character was handled in the most recent franchise sequels. Maybe whenever Luke does show up it’s in holograms or whatever; you could probably fake a bit more of the appearance that way; the deepfake wouldn’t look quite so uncanny, then.

(I’ve been spending way too much time on wookipedia figuring out the timelines of everything and how old everyone is, and while I’m sure Luke’s complete solemn frozen face act was mostly the CGI issues, it’s also kinda hilarious to think Grogu is his first padawan/force sensitive child pickup, and he’s been psyching himself up, all, “OKAY LUKE, ACT SOLEMN AND DIGNIFIED, BE A REAL JEDI, YOU GOTTA SELL THIS HARD, YOU’RE THE LAST ONE, YOU GOTTA MAKE THIS ENTRANCE DRAMATIC AS FUCK SO EVERYONE WILL TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY, YOU CAN DO THIS, NO SMILES. I SAID NO SMILES.” I kinda hope Grogu is the first, as that would work better, in my opinion, if he doesn’t have his school/temple set up yet-- it’s only, what, five years or so after Return of the Jedi. Given the almost foregone conclusion Grogu will be reunited with Din at some point, I kinda like the idea that Luke is just getting started there.)

I don’t think we’ve seen the end of Gideon either; though I imagine he goes on trial. Maybe he plays into the whole “Din trying to get out of being Mand’alor” by yammering about it and ruining Din’s ability to just hide the dark saber in a closet and sneak out the back.

ANYWAY. See, I’m going in the opposite direction for how they start season three; I suspect we’ll start season three with a time jump, and that way they kick the can down the road on showing Luke (and if you show TOO many cameos, they can lose their impact, though Favreau/Filoni have been pretty good at hitting the sweet spot of original SW nostalgia, Western vibes, and new shit) and they also don’t have to explain Gina Carano’s absence. I mean, she’s been fired, so they’re not gonna go right back to the bridge. Like, she’ll maybe just get handwaved as either back on Nevarro doing shit, or trying it out somewhere else.

My bet is that season three is going to be about Din either reluctantly becoming the Mand’alor, Din trying to get out of becoming the Mand’alor, or probably some combination of the two. I bet that’s the main plot line for the season, plus potential crossover with the Book of Boba Fett and maybe the Ahsoka shows. So, probably more Bo-Katan and her group, and more exploration of the different factions of Mandalorians, and maybe more on the culture.

Or maybe (I hope, anyway) they also plan to explore more with him reconnecting with his old covert, and part of the season is about him tracking them down, since now he’s technically fulfilled his mission with Grogu and I feel like it makes sense for him to return to that as his focus. Plus, with the whole helmet removal as a sort of Chekov’s gun thing, you gotta figure that’ll come up in some kind of confession/confrontation with the covert. (Of course, as stated, I doubt that his arc with Grogu is completely done, and we’ll see that come back into play.)

Favreau in this article seems like he has a pretty good handle on plotting things out in advance, so I’m willing to trust he knows what he’s doing. And those are My Thoughts on what’s ahead, I guess.

(obviously I also think Din and Luke should go through a weary bounty hunter/cheerful space twink courtship, get married, and raise a chaotic blended Jedi-Mandalorian family that could take over the universe and erase vast chunks of the sequel movies but that is a rant for another day)

[fizzingwizard]

very long very personal

of course it’s okay, I wouldn’t have left this public if it were a big deal, but I’d still prefer no comments on this.

So my mom messaged me the other day asking if we could chat because she “had some questions.” So I already figured something was up, because usually she doesn’t give a reason for wanting to chat, just wanting to talk is enough. I was trying to guess if “some questions” meant something very serious was going on or if she had questions about whether I’ll be able to go back to the US for Christmas this year, since last time we talked I said probably not because of covid-19.

So I felt like I didn’t want to put this off, but also did? lol. So I couldn’t make myself call last night, so I called this morning when it’s night for them. ” It seemed casual, but I could see a stack of boxes behind her. My first thought was “are my parents moving?” And at first my mom’s like, “Yeah, we decided to sell the house, so I wanted to ask you about some things of yours I found. I’m like oh, okay, probably anything left there is trash because I haven’t looked at it in 10 years (uh, though there were a couple things I wanted to keep >_>; also a mountain of books >_____>;) 

and then she goes, “So yeah, the reason we’re selling is because your dad and I are splitting up.”

and I’m like, THERE IT IS.

she said it soooo casual-like and several minutes into chatting. I’m sure because it’s an awkward thing to suddenly bring up. The thing is, before I called, I was planning to tell her that if there ever was some big news to share, I’d rather she warn me in a text message first. Like, “I’ve got some news that may be difficult to hear,” some such, doesn’t need to explain anything, just tip me off to be prepared, because that’s what I’m like. At work I never fully accept compliments because the feeling of reassurance that I’m doing well leads to me being blindsided when something goes wrong. So I try to always keep a mental balance, like “I’m glad X went well but that doesn’t mean everything is good” or “Too bad Y didn’t work out, but that doesn’t meant everything is shitty.” This is what helps me not go crazy and feel a bit in control. I wish I were a happy go lucky person for whom bad stuff rolls right off, but it doesn’t, at all, so I try to manage it the best way I can. I never feel truly happy but I never feel truly sad.

And the reason I felt like I needed to say something to my mom is, this isn’t the first time something like this happened. When I was in college, both of my parents got into a car accident - the same accident, but separate cars. They were both okay, but the cars were ruined. They didn’t tell me until weeks later. Same thing happened when my brother got sick and had to be hospitalized. He was there for weeks dealing with some pretty tough treatments and my parents were very stressed. And they didn’t tell me anything until it was all over with. I get that they didn’t want me to worry, I was in college and far away and couldn’t have done anything, and I also get that they were busy themselves, but I still want to know. For me, worry is not half as bad as being shocked afterward. Maybe my parents would prefer it the other way, but not me. I have told them this before but I guess it doesn’t stick. Every family is dysfunctional and I guess being bad at sharing bad news is my family’s dysfunction. Among many lol.

so I had basically just decided there was no real bad news to worry about and was preparing to let my mom know how I’d prefer she tell me if and when there is, when she drops this bomb on me. Like it’s no bomb at all. “Oh, you’re surprised? Your brother wasn’t surprised at all,” she said. Both my parents say the reason my bro’s not surprised is because he lives close by (and lived with them for many years until just recently) and I do not. While I’m sure there’s some truth to that, the real reason is totally that my brother Knows Everything and is Surprised By Nothing. And how I know that, is that I’m not surprised for the reason my parents think I am. They think I’m surprised because I didn’t know how far apart they’ve grown. But LOL. I know. I’ve known for a VERY long time.

The reason I’m surprised is BECAUSE I’ve known for a long time. I figured it out when I saw how other kids’ parents interact and compared it to mine. I figured it out when my mom started telling me things about her and my dad that probably she shouldn’t have told me, but I can’t be bothered to worry about it because my dad’s really provoked it, I mean REALLY provoked it. And my dad doesn’t dish dirt on my mom, but that’s because there isn’t any :P It’s a lopsided relationship in that way. What my dad has done is tell me how he really feels. How he’s so grateful that he has my mom and would be alone if not for her, and how he’s sorry for how he behaves when he’s upset and doesn’t want to lose what he’s got.

So, YEAH, I knew that my mom was not happy in her relationship, but any time she talked about it she always seemed anti-change. She wouldn’t lay down the law with my dad when he said things, she always followed him as the “head of the house,” and I couldn’t even blame her, I’ve seen both of the men in my family treat her pretty horribly for sticking up to herself so small wonder she doesn’t do it more. What I thought was, if she’s going to leave my dad, she’d have done it ten years ago, as soon as we kids were out of the house. She didn’t. So I’m mostly just surprised it’s finally happened!

And she says it’s all amicable, they’re staying friends, they’ll still see each other at holidays, etc. She said it all with a smile. In my head I was thinking, “I’m sure that’s true for mom, but what about dad?” Because Idk how much of the things my dad tells me he also tells my mom. I always got the feeling that dad felt I was his confidante in the family. Because I’m a good listener and I don’t tell secrets. There are things my mom dad and bro have all done that I have never told anyone in fifteen years.

And my dad has made it clear many many times that he does NOT want to live alone, does NOT want to be without my mom, etc. And I always complain about his super negative, “world is ending” politics which has just been getting worse - apparently he’s also been saying things like “I’m going to die and the world will end” etc stuff like that, and the talk about him dying is new. For me it’s an alarm bell, but no one else seems concerned. Not that I think my dad’s planning anything, but I mean more, he’s always been the depressive type, and it doesn’t seem to be getting better, and now having no one but himself for company... I think it’s going to make it even worse. Right now their reasoning is, they barely see each other anyway even while living in the same house, so what’s gonna change? But it’s completely different sharing a house with someone and not seeing them often and living completely alone. It doesn’t seem that different but it really is.

So my mom finishes telling me that everything’s fine and they both want this separation, and a little later my dad walks in and he says “Yeah, we’re splitting. I’m the type of person who should live alone. I don’t want it that way, but that’s how it is.” He said it casually too. My mom just went quiet. But the casualness was different from my mom’s. She seemed like “okay, I’m doing this now,” while he seems resigned. So yeah, basically I’m not worried about my mom, but I don’t think my dad totally realizes what this is gonna be like for him, and I’m really nervous about it. It gives me all sorts of bad feelings.

But to be clear, I don’t blame my mom for ANY of this. Not for wanting to separate, not for my dad’s depressive personality... none of it. Like I said, I thought she’d separate from him ten years ago. I love my dad, and he does have many good qualities, but he is difficult to live with. As a kid I overheard lots of arguments. Used to wonder if they’d divorce. Only reason I didn’t take it more seriously was because both of my parents come from bad homes, my mom’s parents divorced, my dad’s didn’t but he always said he wished they had because it was so toxic having them together. My parents seemed to value their relationship because of how shitty their own parents’ relationships were, so I thought that was what was keeping them afloat.

But on top of all that, my dad did some bad stuff with money. A few bad things. I don’t know all of it, mom says it’s between her and my dad, but my hope is that whenever I go home to visit at her new place, she’ll tell me. Of course I won’t push for it, but it’d be nice to have the whole story, because knowing what I do is already enough to be weird and confusing. Also my student loans appear involved (my parents are co-signers). Anyway, what I do know is that some bad money decisions were made and then my dad did a lot of lying and disrespectful stuff when my mom found out, and won’t apologize or admit he did anything wrong. My mom’s known about this for at least a month and he wouldn’t apologize the entire time. This seems to be the final straw for my mom. She seized control of the finances and though she didn’t say so, there’s no doubt in my mind that she’s the one who decided on the separation. She says she doesn’t get paying for a house she feels like she’s living alone in, when she doesn’t need such a big place just for herself, so she might as well sell and move somewhere cheaper.

Again my mom is not responsible for my dad’s metal health. She’s spent pretty much her whole adult life supporting him and not gotten all that much in return. For her, I think this is the right move and she’s going to be happier. For my dad, it’s a huge change and not a good one. Still nothing like my mom’s fault - if anything he brought it on himself - but I just feel like I’m looking into a crystal ball and it’s just my dad sitting alone in his trailer watching right wing political videos and eating junk food. Maybe forgetting to take his diabetes medicine, etc. He doesn’t even have a job so I’m not sure how that’s gonna work out. In your old age you hope you have someone who cares about you and helps look after you. At the very least you hope you have someone to talk to when you come home. I’m glad he’s supposedly going to be close to his best friend, and his best friend is a really nice guy who... may need to prepare for seeing my dad every day now? idk. But I’m grateful for that at least.

My mom will be a free bird, but it’s hard to imagine this being anything like freeing for my dad. Maybe I will turn out to be wrong. Idk. My dad’s sister is also a divorcee and has been living by herself for decades. She has a lot of loner type quirks because of that, but that’s alright. So maybe it will be okay, it will turn out my dad is really comfortable living alone after all... I wouldn’t have doubted that because he does like to be alone, it’s just the other stuff - the money, the jobs, the food, the medicine, etc - that kind of stuff I’m worried about. My aunt also fills her home with animal companions. Oh, just realized I forgot who’s going to keep the dog. Probably my dad... though of the two of them, the dog’s def better off with my mom, who actually takes her for actual walks. But my mom’s never really wanted a dog and only had one because my dad wanted it.

I mean story of my life right??? My mom doesn’t want a thing, but does it because it’s what my dad wants, he doesn’t take care of it, so she does! Rinse and repeat. For years and years and years.

When my mom told me about all this I said “Okay, I don’t want to talk about it right now but I’m glad you’re both happy.” And she was like why don’t you want to talk about it? Well for all these reasons that I could never say to their faces.

for them it’s been their marriage, for me it’s been my lifetime. There are so many things we did together. Even when my dad made his stupid music CD with the god awful cover he designed himself, and wouldn’t accept my mom’s input even though she’s a graphic designer, ya know, she does it for a living... Those kinds of memories. I know I’m sentimental as fuck. I just told my mom to throw out all my old drawings and notebooks that I was keeping from when I was a kid because it doesn’t mean a thing to me anymore. Life changes, things change, and as much as we want to carry it on with us, we just run out of space.

haha now im crying, how stupid

there’s another reason as well but I just deleted it because I’m secretive lol.

time changes and we change, and we can survive any change... but we may not like it. it may not feel worth it. idk. i don’t know if my existence is worth it. I know my parents love me and I’m personally happy on a daily basis, I’ve been lucky that while I’m hardly a peppy cheerful type, I don’t seem prone to depressive episodes like my dad and brother. So it’s not about “I shouldn’t have been born!” or nonsense. But maybe in a wiser world, my parents would not have married each other. Maybe they could have been happier. Idk.

this would all be a breath of fresh air if I could feel like it’ll be as good for my dad as it will be for my mom.

anyway I really needed to get this off my chest. again I don’t really want “aw dont worry my parents are separated too” comments. I respect what everyone’s been through and I know I’m hardly suffering here relatively speaking. but I’ve always been a melodramatic journaling type so I just had to write it down.

[luci-cunt]

I got Izetta on the test and the more I read the more I want to fight you bc how dare you call me out like this. like call me feral one more time and I may just have to buy two books when it comes out - one for reading and one for throwing bc whyyy am i getting invested in these charcters. that doesn’t just happen willy nilly for me and now I’m mad

lkdsajf;ladskjf;lskdjf !!!!! <33333 if you’re like Izetta than I love you x100000000000000000 also lol when I do end up publishing this (I’m hoping some time in 2021) it’ll probably be thru Kindle epub which means unfortunately I can’t sell the books for $0 but I can do $0.99 XD. Idk if I’ll print them, just cuz that costs a bit, but fuck I’d love to XD. 

Also I was gonna just dump a snippet here but I have no self control so here’s the first chapter. It’s Izetta’s POV because I love her. 

“Lazy, slovenly girl,” Patrice muttered viciously as Izetta tore her room apart trying to find her best broach. 

“Where is it!?” Izetta groaned, pulling out her dresser drawers and dumping the clothing on the floor as Patrice gritted her teeth and stood the table back up on its legs. 

“Use the one I laid out for you, I don’t see what your insistence is with this copper monstrosity,” Patrice spat, repositioning candles and a bowl of fruit on the table. 

“I’m going to see the queen Patrice!” Izetta said, moving on to her wardrobe. 

“You’re going to be late to see the queen Izetta,” Patrice snapped. 

Panic seized Izetta and she growled in frustration. “It’s going to go all wrong.”

“Stop your fretting, put these on and go,” Patrice said, shoving a pair of leather boots to Izetta’s chest. Izetta sighed, but slipped them on, when she straightened again Patrice smiled warmly. “You’ll do great, there’s no need to be nervous.” She held out her hand, with the broach on her wrinkled palm. 

Izetta’s eyes widened and she grinned, taking it and throwing her arms around Patrice. “Oh thank you!” she said, before bolting away. “I’ll clean this up later!” she called behind her as she pinned the broach to her lapel. 

“Sure,” Patrice said with a fond eyeroll. 

Izetta sprinted through the palace, dodging servants who yelped and then laughed when they recognized her. The palace was massive, with long winding corridors made of polished marble and mother-of-pearl. It all gleamed in the sunlight that streamed through the beautiful stained-glass windows decorated with scenes of Kantoga’s history. Everything was high, elegant archways and delicate statues adorned every doorway. Izetta didn’t have much time to appreciate it, but she already knew every feature of the palace by heart--growing up in it does that to a person.

Her leather boots slid across the smooth hallways until she was skating more than running, and she had to jump over a few servants busy polishing every surface diligently. Finally she turned the last corner, arriving at the largest room in the palace--and the more elegant. The queen’s throne room. 

The ceiling was so high you had to crane your neck to see the top of it, but it was adorned with a night sky filled with gleaming stars that looked like they were falling. There were huge windows made of perfectly clear glass and a throne carved out of an outrageously massive topaz. 

Izetta’s breath caught as she spotted the queen, in all her regal glory, standing by one of the windows with her hands clasped behind her back. She was wearing a long, flowing white dress with diamonds and little accents of gold detailing it. She had a train trailing almost ten feet behind her that was perfectly spread. Her brown hair was in a graceful braid wrapped around the crown of her head and decorated with pearls, her olive skin looked like it was glowing, and as she turned around she beamed at Izetta, her deep brown eyes gaining stunning wrinkles around them. 

Her etherealness made Izetta slightly self-conscious. She was wearing her nicest doublet--the light green one with slightly puffed sleeves and a high collar. Her nicest leather boots and white chemise tucked into a pair of black, fitted pants. Her blonde hair--cut short, above the ears--was freshly washed and Patrice had used some cream to make her usually dry pale skin “dewy.” Izetta didn’t know what that meant but Patrice had seemed pleased. She wasn’t nearly as extravagant or graceful as the queen, but she kept her chest out and shoulders back as the queen smiled at her. 

“Ileta!” The image was a little shattered as the queen seemed to forget Izetta’s name, but Izetta recovered quickly. 

“Izetta,” she corrected, with a low bow, “my queen.” 

“Right! So sorry, scatterbrained could probably be my middle name,” the queen laughed.

“No! Not at all!” Izetta said quickly, “Easy mistake to make, they sound so similar.

“Ah thank you,” the queen said, walking over and patting Izetta’s cheek briefly. “So nice to see a humble soul.” Izetta beamed. Then the queen cleared her throat, turning away and folding her hands in front of her. “I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve called you here--er…” she hesitated. 

“Izetta,” Izetta said happily. 

“Right--Izetta. Well, I’m told you are out top agent,” the queen said. 

“Assassin, my queen,” Izetta said. 

The queen waved her hand dismissively, “Oh but that sounds so guttural. It matters not however, because I need you, to do something very important for me,” the queen paced for a moment. 

“Anything my queen,” Izetta said without hesitating. 

The queen waved her dismissive hand again, “yes, yes I know--tell me, what do you know of the Cyron siblings?” she asked, not bothering to look at Izetta, who’s brow furrowed. 

“Everything my queen, they’re our only enemies children,” she said.

“Obviously, yes, but what else.”

Izetta thought for a moment, then recomposed herself. “Lazarus Ivory Cyron and Lazarus Monte Cyron are the children of Lazarus Cyron. He appointed them as co-supreme generals of his entire army, replacing Natalia Youngblood, and they are known for their domination in battle as well as aptitude for leadership. Lazarus Ivory is the elder sibling, more prone to handling Caelest’s water-based troops while Lazarus Monte operates on land. Between them they’ve won over fifty battles since becoming supreme generals and before that they both served in the Caelestian royal army as--”

“Yes, yes--but what do you know about their personal lives?” the queen interjected, still pacing. 

“Uh--” Izetta hesitated, “not… a lot? They seem to be only close to one another and have a hard time trusting others.”

“Hm,” the queen said again, pausing and finally looking at Izetta again. “Listen to me very carefully Iletta--” the queen started, coming and placing her hands on the sides of Izetta’s face and looking intensely into her eyes. 

“--Izetta,” Izetta corrected. 

“Right--Izetta--listen to me,” the queen said, “I need you to find out everything you need to about the siblings so that you can kill them.” 

“You… want me to assassinate Caelest’s co-supreme generals and heirs to the throne?” Izetta asked. 

The queen’s face scrunched up, “ugh, yes but not that word, I already said it was crude.”

Izetta felt breathless, she couldn’t help the mile-wide grin that split her face. “Yes my queen,” she said, excitement fizzing in her blood and making her fingers go numb. 

“You will do this, for me? For your kingdom?” the queen asked, still holding Izetta’s face and staring intensely. 

Izetta nodded enthusiastically. “Yes my queen,” she said. 

The queen’s hands dropped and she walked away. “Perfect, you start now, do not fail me,” she said in dismissal. Izetta bowed and hurried out of the throne room. 

As soon as she knew she was out of earshot Izetta whooped loudly, causing a group of polishing servants to glare at her. She ignored them and spun down the corridors back to her room, feeling light and dreamy as she started to form a plan.

She was so lost in thought that she almost bowled right over Patrice, who was refolding the clothes Izetta had dumped out of her dresser in search of her broach. She kissed it and giggled--it was extremely simple, just a little copper circle with a wolf on the inside, but she’d had it her whole life--through everything. 

“I take it the summons went well?” Patrice said, laughing a little at Izetta’s beaming face. 

Izetta just smiled wider and swept the older woman up into a waltz that Patrice rolled her eyes at. 

“Oh it went wonderfully Patrice, the queen herself gave me a new job--two actually,” Izetta said, and Patrice raised a brow. Her expression became a bit more pinched as she did, but Izetta didn’t notice. “You’ll never guess who,” Izetta said, eyes gleaming. 

“It wouldn’t happen to be the Cyron siblings would it?” Patrice sighed. 

“It’s the Cyron siblings Patrice!” Izetta said, whirling Patrice into a spin that she slipped out of, wiping her hands on her apron and pursing her lips. 

“Oh,” she said quietly. 

Izetta--still oblivious, threw herself down on her bed and stared at the ceiling with a dreamy expression. “Isn’t it wonderful Patrice? Her majesty finally recognizes my potential! She entrusted me with killing the heirs, the Cyron siblings.” 

“Izetta--” Patrice started, wringing her hands out. 

“I’ll start by contacting our spy, god knows I can’t stand Aether but he’s been on the inside for almost a decade, he’ll know everything I need and--”

“Izetta,” Patrice snapped, and Izetta stopped her planning to look at Patrice. She had a frustrated expression on her face, making her lip curl up a bit in a snarl. It wasn’t an unusual expression, in fact, it combined with Patrice’s greying hair tied in a tight braid and her wrinkled, round face was how Izetta always imagined Patrice--usually griping about something Izetta was doing wrong. Patrice had been friends with Izetta’s father, and when he died she took Izetta in. The younger girl didn’t exactly see her as a mother--Patrice insisted she didn’t--more of a very present grandmother, kind and loving but harsh and unyielding at the same time. 

“Are you sure…” Patrice paused, pursing her lips and sighing, “are you sure this is a good thing?” she asked, meeting Izetta’s eyes. 

Izetta frowned, “of course, this is what I’ve trained my whole life for! With the Cyron siblings out of the way Lazarus will be weakened and we can finally attack and relieve the Caelestian citizens of his cruel reign.”

“But--” Patrice started. 

“I will do this Patrice, I will kill them or I will die trying, this was the entire point of my life--my meaning,” Izetta said, standing up and walking towards Patrice. 

“I know child, that’s what I’m afraid of.” 

Izetta felt stung. “You think I will fail?” 

“I think if you do you will die, I think you will die making a stupid decision to please our useless queen,” Patrice snapped, and Izetta reeled back like she’d been struck. 

“Patrice you can’t--” 

“Do not tell me what to speak of child, she is manipulating you. If anyone can succeed it is you but she doesn’t know that Izetta. She is sending you in and she doesn’t care if you die.” Patrice took Izetta’s hand and cupped her cheek. “Please Izetta, please don’t die for her,” she pleaded. 

Izetta blinked, stunned. After a moment she closed her mouth and pressed her forehead to Patrice’s. “I have to do this Patrice, I won’t die.” she whispered. 

Patrice sucked in a breath that sounded heart-wrenchingly close to a sob and Izetta almost shattered, but then Patrice’s breathing evened again and she stepped back, completely composed and back straight. She wiped her hands on her apron and sniffed, looking at Izetta’s chin rather than her eyes. 

“If anyone can do this, it’s you,” Patrice said, “I just wish it wasn’t,” she added, stepping forward to kiss Izetta on the forehead. She had to stand on her toes for it, and Izetta felt hollowed out. 

Then Patrice sighed, gave Izetta a final once over, nodded, and left Izetta alone in her room.

[spnfanficpond]

February 2019 Pond LiveChat Recap

We had a great time chatting today with @impala-dreamer!! Thank you so much, Beka, for joining us!

We talked about self-publishing through Amazon, how to do it, what the benefits are, and the challenges to making a finished product. A rundown of the chat, as well as some general Pond news, is below the cut!

Q: What sort of music do you listen to when you write?

Beka: Oh, uh... Well, Actually, I have a lot of playlists on youtube. So it depends. I have a hardcore smut list that is just music that gets my hips moving... then a romance thing which is feely stuff. A "Deanspiration" list that oddly has zero Zepplin in it, just stuff that reminds me of him or gives me ideas. Sometimes I hear a song and it instantly snaps an idea. I write to music a lot.

Q: For everyone, do you reblog everything you read or do you think likes have the same “power” behind them?

Beka: No. If I read it, I reblog, unless it’s iffy. Iffy means, I read it, but wasn’t up my alley or I think it would be too triggering for people. I avoid those types of fics, anyway.

@mrswhozeewhatsis: There is a very small percentage of things I read that I won't reblog, but then, I haven't really read them, I've noped out for one reason or another. Usually grammar/formatting or content, not writing style, to be clear.

@girl-with-a-fandom-fettish: I guess one reason I suck at reblogging is a lot of the stuff I read has nothing to do with what is currently reblogged on my blog and that just doesn't match in my very matchy brain...is that just me?

@mrswhozeewhatsis: I believe that everyone should be able to put on their blog what they want. Some folks see their blog as a collection like in a museum. Some folks, like me, see it as more of a news feed. Collectors are less likely to reblog because they're carefully curating their blog. My advice to collectors is to then make a side blog where you can reblog the things you don't want to collect.

Q: What’s the biggest challenge you find in writing?

Beka: I think the biggest challenge for me is writing in the moment. I can't write if it's not flowing, and sometimes I try to force myself just to get the story out bc i fear i'm letting people down by not posting enough? But it’s not good when I do that, so I have to let myself go with the story that's with me at the moment. Sometimes it's two at once, like today. lol. Also, Sam is hard. (heheh no really, he is. also he is. but pg13)

Q: There are so many questions to about this process!

Beka: I do really get asked about it a lot, and it's really not that hard once you do it. It's annoying to navigate and decide what you want to do, but it really is awesome and not too frustrating. Amazon is really great because they do have an extensive help section AND message boards so you can ask and talk to other self publishers so it's like having someone with you.

Q: You said you chose to publish through Amazon. Out of curiosity, were there any other ways you heard about or considered before you settled on Amazon, and if so, was there a specific reason you didn't use them?

Beka:  I'm basically a Google fanatic, so when I decided to do this, I had no idea what I was doing so basically I goggled "How to self publish a book" and there were THOUSANDS of sites thrown at me. I honestly can't remember the other sites I looked at, but it basically came down to amazon was a company name I knew, I trusted, and had the best help and resources. And I have a kindle, so I figured that was easiest. I think I only looked into one or two others but I can't remember what they were. Amazon just stood out.  I did read up on like actually doing it yourself like through a book binder and all that and it was SOOOO much work this was just the easiest and most cost effective.

Q: Okay, but with Amazon, do they, like, own part of your content if you publish through them?

Beka: NOPE. I hold copyright to all my works. they just are the people who produce the actual physical book.

Q: What was the time frame, like from start to finish, I guess? Or the process if you don't mind. What did you have to do to get set up with Amazon?

Beka: Ok- so getting set up was easy. if you have an amazon account, you're good. Or you just make one. then there is a website- kdp.amazon.com -and they literally walk you through the entire process.  Someone up there asked how long it took -  I rushed it. my novel started as fanfic, which I wrote in about 2 months, then I took 2 weeks re-editing and changing to non-fanfic, then about a week editing again and formatting and then i had my hard copy. So, all in- maybe 3 months, but the actual amazon stuff takes a few days to get you a book in hand.

@kittenofdoomage: One thing I will say about Amazon, it's very convenient but I struggled with the covers and formatting.

Q: Did you have to use special software to submit your work?

Beka: I write in google docs, but amazon no likey- so I had to move everything over to Microsoft Word. and from there it gets updated. HOWEVER, there is now in beta testing an amazon program which I downloaded for my 3rd book but was too frustrated to figure out so I never used it. it's specifically for Kindle, but kindle didn't like my poetry format so I couldn’t do it.

@kittenofdoomage: They have step by step guides. And I use Google Docs, too, but you can download into a PDF or .doc file from there.

Q: So it's not a copy-paste thing, you upload the completed file then reformat it for amazon?

Beka: well... it's two different things for paperback and kindle. There are specific formatting guidelines for paperback such as margin sizes and gutters and such so when you turn a page it's not all wonky. Kindle formatting is MUCH easier to do. you just upload and it does it for you. The files for paperback need to be formatted with specific things. it's not hard... just annoying.

Q: You mentioned changing your fanfic into non-fanfic. Does that mean you can't have any fan elements in a story to publish it?

Beka: Well... my novel was basically a J2 x Reader BDSM fanfic, and so I changed J2 to original characters, I changed the show, the car, the everything. If you know that I write SPN fic, and you read it, you can see it's clearly SPN, but those who don't know SPN don't know that, because I've asked. lol. Also- someone read it recently and thought the Jared character was Jensen, so I guess I changed it enough.  I personally would not publish anything that actually said SPN or J2 or anything because those are copy-written characters and not mine so it does seem illegal to make money off of them, ya know? 

@mrswhozeewhatsis: It is actually illegal to make money off of fan fiction. The WB owns the characters and the show. If anyone else tries to make money off the characters or identifiable elements of the show, the WB can sue and win.

@kittenofdoomage: Those who use Patreon are covered under fair usage only because Patreon is a donation site.

Q: Were there any parts of the process that surprised you?

Beka:  Honestly, the entire thing surprised me. I went into it like just to see if it was possible and then i realized- I CAN’T publish my work. they WILL sell it. People WILL buy it. and it was all very shocking. It was scary, and I know people are intimidated by it, but it really was simple in the end, and if you want to do it- do it. It's awesome to look over at my bookshelf and see my name on actual, physical books ya know?

@kittenofdoomage: I was the same, Beka. I procrastinated for months. And okay, it wasn't a huge success but I learned from the first time, bettered myself the second time, and now.... I'm procrastinating again but that's not the point lol

Q: How much money do you make per sale?

Beka: It depends on the format and the cost you put. Like, for my short story and poetry book I make PROBABLY a few cents on it. My novel I make around $2 depending on the price I set. You set the selling price, and you can do sales and freebies. 

@kittenofdoomage: You can choose everything. They tell you how much you'll make from each copy sold.

Q: Do they tell you how much other authors sell similar works for, to give you an idea what others think is reasonable?

Beka: Yeah, you can look it up, too. They have a chart that's like, "This is your sale price. This is how much we take to make it. This is how much you get," and you can fiddle with it.

Q: Is there any kind of marketing happening on Amazon’s side, or is it all you?

Beka: They can do promotions, but you have to pay them to promote it.

Q: Did you look into promotion costs through Amazon? What kind of money are we talking, here?

Beka: Honestly, I don’t remember. When I see a fee of any kind I run for the hills because I'm cheap like that. lol. It's prob not too cheap BUT they also have this thing you can sign up for that's like a library kinda deal where your book can go on the free book a month kindle deal- i didn't do it bc you don't get royalties for it. but more people read it? idk what's best. It's all very over my head marketing.

@mrswhozeewhatsis: I guess if you're looking to become a popular selling author, and you have the cash to pay to promote it, then after a few books, it would pay off when you develop an audience.

Q: Do you think self publishing is the way to go long term, or maybe a better in terms of testing the waters? I realize you are still in the latter stage but I'm curious about your opinion...

Beka: Here's my thoughts: I used to be a singer/songwriter. I played in Manhattan. I had paying gigs. I recorded an album. I thought I could make it work. But I didn't go for it. No one handed me a record contract. I let it all go to have my kids and family.  I want to write. I realize no one's gonna stick their hand out and hand me a publishing deal. BUT I might be able to pay some bills with my books. I might be able to write enough, well enough to sell some books. and if i sell enough books, maybe a publisher WILL see me and then I can attempt the next stage.  I think self publishing is great. Why not? Do it if you want to do it. If you want to write, write. If you want to share it, share it. Who's to stop you? And if you can share it through self publishing with people all over the world?? freaking do it, man. 

Q: What is your best piece of writing advice?

Beka: OK, my best writing advice is... See it, feel it, write it. If you don't feel what you're writing, I'm not gonna feel it reading it. I think i'm more of an emotional writer than a descriptive. I can't tell you what the room looks like that they're in, but I can tell you how it feels that Dean just stepped on that Lego. ya know? Idk. Write what you see and feel, and put yourself into it, and it'll be amazing. 

Q: Are you a planner or a pantser?

Beka: Planner? SOMETIMES. It depends. I have plans for series, but shorter things I just go with the flow. I'm constantly messaging Ashley like "DEAN JUST DID X. I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING!" lol

Q: Do you outline at all, or just have a general goal in mind?

Beka: I do outline series. but not... strictly or drastically. Like, right now i'm working on a series for my kink bingo that's alternates between the brothers. I have a general plot line over all to follow, but i've also set it up like c1- flogging. c2- spanking, etc. 

Q: What is something you know now that you wish you knew before you published?

Beka: I think I'd tell myself to not worry and just freaking write what I want.

Q: Do you have a writing schedule or something that keeps you productive?

Beka: No. I try very hard to have a schedule, but I'm a little... slightly... bipolar I think and my writing follows my moods. I can write 20K in a weekend and then nothing for a week. I just literally ride the wave of ideas. Like, currently I'm in a slump. but I wrote 10K this week before the slump hit. It's quite annoying.

Except for some general conversation about the stupid places and times we all get ideas and the incomprehensible notes we’ve all left for ourselves, the chat ended. A good time was had by all, I think!! Thanks to everyone who was there! @littlegreenplasticsoldier @kittenofdoomage @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish @because-imma-lady-assface @canadianspnhunter (And two folks whose URLs I never got: Cassie and Shaila)

General Pond Updates and Reminders

Angel Fish Award nominations are due soon! Click the link for the list of raffle prizes! Remember, every nomination is an entry! So far, we’ve only received three or four nominations. If you have sent in a nomination, but have not received a private message confirming we received it, we didn’t get it. Send it in again! Be sure to use Submit instead of Ask!

Don’t forget to submit your stories to be posted to the blog! When your stories are on the blog, then they are easier to nominate for Angel Fish Awards!

SPNFanFicPond Season 14 Weekly Episode Writing Challenge - New prompts go up after every new episode, and there’s no deadline! Check out the prompts and rules at the link!

Say hi to February’s New Members!

Check the Pond CALENDAR to see when Big Fish will be in the chat room and other Pond and SPN events are happening! Know of something that’s not on the calendar, send us an ask or submission with the deets info details!  The calendar offers a lot of features, such as showing you when things are in your own timezone! Since we’re an international group, that’s a definite plus!!

Next month’s LiveChat details will be published as soon as we know them! Hope to see you there!

[silver-falling-star]

Sing me a song, o muse, of your bitter hatred against catcher in the rye bc SAME

Oooooh boy, I smell one of my long winded rants coming on. Strap in folks its about to be a wild ride.

So, Ima preface this by saying that I have NOT read it since I was forced to read it in 11th grade. For like, several fucking reasons. (the primary one being that I don’t want to, the 2nd one being I don’t know which bookshelf my dad stashed my copy on. He stashed all my required readings on various bookshelves after I was done with them. Because we were all given copies for free by the teachers that we were allowed to keep. I’ll chalk this up to private school benefits I guess? I’ve been out of the public school circuit since the end of 5th grade) So basically my memory of like, most of the events that take place in the book are foggy at best and unremembered at worst.

@ my mutuals and followers who like this book, that’s fine you do you, but I personally am not and probably will never be a fan of Catcher in the Rye. My feelings of why I dislike it are my opinions and I’m not gonna force them on you.

Problem 1: Main character is an unsympathetic asshole

My biggest gripe about the book is honestly a gripe I have about SEVERAL books. Unlikable characters, and I don’t necessarily mean written poorly (though I don’t remember being awed by how the book was written, I’ll be honest.) I mean unsympathetic asshole little bastards that make you want to just chuck the book across the room. Other books that share this problem are The Great Gatsby (that book is hot fucking garbage in terms of likeable characters and I WILL die on that fucking hill do not even @ me), Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie (Main character is an asshole little snobby bitch and despite being a murder mystery written in first person she literally figures things out at such a pace its not fun for the reader because she STILL ends up caught in shit situations she KNEW WAS GOING TO GO DOWN BECAUSE SHES SUCH A SPECIAL LITTLE SHIT- okay that’s a rant for a different post) and The King Must Die. (If you ever want to read a book with shit diction, pick it up.)

Now, as a writer/roleplayer of almost a decade, I’ve made plenty of characters that fall into the unsympathetic asshole role. My problem isn’t with the archetype, it’s often used and often done well (fandoms later trying to apologize for them aside) My PROBLEM comes when that’s either the archetype for the only character given any spotlight, or ALL the characters have that problem. (see, Great Gatsby.) Holden Caulfield(or however the fuck you spell it) is an unsympathetic asshole, and also the character who’s perspective is the only one we get to see, and the only character we really know much about. (Mainly cause he just doesn’t deign to care to give a legitimate effort in giving a damn about anyone else aside from how innocent children/his sister are. More on how creepy that shit is later.) Making a book like this means that I’m far less likely to enjoy it because I want to be able to root for someone. I can root for an asshole, so long as they’re likeable in some regard. Holden is a grade A fuckboy in the making and as such I am not a fan.

TL/DR: It’s possible to have likeable unsympathetic asshole characters, it is almost impossible to do that if that’s all you have exposure too in your cast.

Problem 2: I was really not in the best place to receive such a fucking depresso espresso lesson about life.

Switching gears momentarily from problems with the writing/book itself to problems with the timing of this book showing up in my life. High school was the time when all my trauma I’d successfully… repressed? Avoided dealing with? whatever, basically all my mental health shit suddenly decided to spring itself on me and yell “SURPRISE, YOU’RE MENTALLY FUCKED AND WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!” in 10th grade and it wasn’t until halfway through 11th grade that I even started getting a handle on shit. I almost failed high school and it was *bad*, especially for someone who was just trying to get to college so I could get to vet school and be qualified for a job that requires an ass load of education. So in walks this fucking book and it’s message of “adulthood is a sham, nothing matters and you really should just fuck around and do whatever because it’s all bullshit anyway. Childhood was where it’s at.”

Like???? Alright, that’s not what I need to hear when I’m barely passing high school. Go to fucking therapy and get some help, we all have trauma and therapy is the best path to work through it. I dunno like, yeah okay some people need to hear that message at whatever time in their life they read the book, but that message really wasn’t great to my Anxiety/Depression/ADHD struggling ass trying to just stay steady enough to get into college.

Honestly, even to this day I HATE HATE HATE books with depressing messages like that. I already deal with the struggle of being afraid of failure, getting where I want to be, all that shit. I don’t want that in my literature. Give me a person who struggles but still succeeds and finds some sort of happiness and self-worth in the end. Give me someone overcoming their traumas in such a way that they can at least have a good quality of life afterwards, even if the trauma will never leave, so long as they’re happy. I’m tired of YA novels that try and sell our generation and gen z the message that life sucks. Give me more hope, more heroes, more people making a difference because hell life is short so best make the most of it making a difference.

To quote GotG, why do I care so much about stories that revolve around saving the world, even if that world is just as small as a found family?

And my existence might as well be a happy one and have HOPE GOD DAMMIT.

TL/DR: If a book leaves me feeling like shit after reading it because it ends on a super shitty note, I’m generally not going to enjoy that book. And the fact that most YA novels these days that are given to highschoolers fall into this category is hot garbage when this is around the time they’re trying to find some sort of direction in life.

*Note: I realize that there are times and places for books that give more somber messages. Hell, I’ve even enjoyed some books with messages of such a tone. But media these days, and honestly for most of my life starting in mid to late teenage years (and maybe earlier) has started taking a turn towards the more depressing/somber stuff, and its overwhelming and just bad. And even back then when first reading it this was something I picked up on and didn’t enjoy. It just was not the right time in my life to hear a message so devoid of giving a shit.

Problem 3: Holden is honestly, super fucking creepy.

Okay, we back on the train of the actual book’s writing. Holden the dipshit is honestly, really fucking creepy. Towards women specifically. I have no direct quotes from the book specifically, but I DISTINCTLY remember the way he talked about women (or even young children/girls) being creepy as shit. Like, he waxes lyrical about his kid sister and her classmates and how innocent they are and how he wants to be the “Catcher in the Rye” to keep them innocent and to keep them from realizing how bad the world is. Great, lovely sentiment Holden. Except that the way you’re going about it comes across as being a pedophile.  You’re at the very least sexist as fuck, because you’re objectifying the fuck out of people anyway.

That scene with the sex worker in the hotel room is also one I remember making me feel super uncomfortable. Not because the sex worker is there, but because uh, just, god, that whole scene gave me the creeps. Probably because I felt bad for the woman, coming into the room expecting to be paid for work and there’s just this kid who breaks the fuck down, tells her some depressing shit, and maybe pays her? (does he pay her? I can’t fucking remember, I’d like to think he does, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t, because he’s an ass.) Actually, bigger question IS HE EVEN OF AGE TO HAVE SEX WITH HER LEGALLY? HOW OLD IS THIS KID? HES STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL RIGHT?

…. so I looked it up, he’s 17. SEVENTEEN. HE IS A M I N O R. I’m like 99% sure that the woman he hires is like, twice his age at least. That’s straight up illegal.

god this just gets worse.

TL/DR: Holden is a 17 year old creep who comes off as a pedophile in the way he talks about kids, and also definitely hired a sex worker while he was underage. Idk if that was legal at the time this book was written, but if it was (and I doubt it), that has aged very poorly.

Problem 4: It’s got a lot of male fans who fall into that all too dangerous category of having Fight Club or Rick and Morty being their favorite bit of visual media.

Okay, again, not a problem of the book. But when the majority fanbase (or at least, the most vocal part) are a bunch of abusive men who don’t realize that the message they took away from a work of fiction is incredibly problematic? Or worse, know and don’t care because they think their take is superior? Uhhh, how do I say, big yikes.

Like, this could be your favorite book, whatever, that’s you, I don’t care, but if your reasoning for it is because Holden is, in your opinion, an unflawed idealized version of yourself/your ideals?

thats a nope from me bro.

———-

That’s all I can do off the top of my head without going in and reading the book again. Which I probably won’t do for a long time, because I don’t need to hear that struggling to make a place for yourself is dumb and proves you’re just “part of the machine, the man has made you his bitch.” while I’m still trying to y’know, get to where I want to go.

But there you go, four solid reasons why I really really do not like Catcher in the Rye.

[muggle-writes]

Writeblr WIP Blind Date

I’m always happy for an excuse to interact with more writeblrs. I’m surprising myself by choosing one of my fics that hasn’t actually been posted to AO3 yet (and that I’m still working on an actual plot for) because I just really like the premise and I love the characters

Title of your WIP: No title yet, but I mostly call it the chaos friendship fic.

The real title, when I decide on one, will either be a pun on books or magic or academia, or it will be a quote from wtnv (or from love is all you need to destroy your enemies) in the style of titles for fics in that series.

Genre: fanfiction, crackfic, crossover, friendship centric, humorous tone, world-saving adventures?

(Crossover between: Harry Potter and a fic that is itself a crossover between Welcome to Night Vale and The Dresden Files)

Trigger Warnings: n/a so far, (probably canon typical violence)

Stage of writing process: “Lol Hermione and Julie would be such great friends I’d love to read about them interacting ...dang I guess I have to write that myself”

actually I’ve come up with the premise of why they’ve met in the first place, and written the middle third of a first chapter to lead them into interacting, but I’m stuck on what the plot should be, which is complicated by the fact that the few ideas I’ve had for plot directions require more knowledge than I actually have about the various magical government(s)/faerie courts of the Dresden Files universe to determine whether they’re both plausible and feasible.

Synopsis: replacing this with Background because, as stated above, I have a premise for this fic but not so much a plot. 1-3 are genuinely background, and 4-7 are as close as I have to a story arc:

(1) MACUSA actually only controls the original 13 colonies (and the white council large parts of north america, though between the two groups they still probably don’t govern all magical people in the continent*)

(2) the ICW refuses to acknowledge that any magical government borders might not align with muggle/nomaj/mundane government borders, so MACUSA is the only government from within the muggle United States that gets invited/pressured to join the Statute of Secrecy

(3) There are repeated violations of the statute of secrecy reported in a particular town in the southwest of the united states

(4) Hermione Granger, famous and influential as she is in the aftermath of all of Harry’s adventures, is nominated as the representative to go and scold MACUSA for not controlling their citizens better

(5) Hermione gets to MACUSA and they treat her politely, but they firmly and immediately explain that they’re not responsible, and then set her up with a portkey to Night Vale, where the violations have been

(6) Hermione promptly gets caught in the storm wards, since she arrived by magic. Julie and Carlos and at least one other scientist show up almost immediately - they’re studying the storm wards to make sure they’re behaving as intended

(7) and then Hermione and Julie become friends (after what incident that forces them to work together???) and then do something cool (but what????? idk yet)

Character information: this is listed as a crossover between a fic series and a book series, rather than between two book series and a podcast, because Julie is an OC (effectively) from the fic series (does it count if none of “Carlos’ scientists” are named? they do technically exist in canon, but with basically no detail, at least in the first two or three years).

My fic will focus on Hermione’s (bookworm, ruthless when necessary, a few years ago saved wizarding Britain from a terrorist along with her friends Harry and Ron) friendship with Julie (PhD, practical theoretical physicist, made a "science gun” and disassembled it for ethical reasons after killing a vampire with it, makes frequent pop culture references including teasing Carlos about having a wizard friend named Harry... yes her knowledge of the Harry Potter books will be addressed), with appearances from Carlos and the rest of dave’s characters, and probably some other night vale citizens, and maybe (if I borrow dave’s or my wife’s familiarity with dresden files canon) certain members of the white council.

Mainly just the girls and their friendship though.

Links: I could have sworn I included the drafty partial first chapter in this, but it’s just another outline. ...if I can’t find a better link to edit in to this post, I might just add what I have of prose for this fic to the bottom of that google doc

There is a brief excerpt in this post as well (on my main blog, from before I made a separate writeblr sideblog) under the heading “Chaotic Friendship crossover”

There’s also a summary in my WIP Masterpost but I’ve said everything relevant with more detail in this post.

WIP tag: Uh. You can also see all two of my posts that I’ve got tagged ‘chaos friendship fic’ and I could have sworn there were more but I can’t find them to add them to the tag...

Other WIP Information:

*Along with background point (1) under synopsis/background, I have a loose but persistent idea about indigenous wizards/mages/tribe-specific titles warding large swaths of land to be unplottable and heavily defended, and taking as many members (especially nonmagical, as magical people could defend themselves a bit better and also let themselves in later) of their tribes, as feasible into protected lands once it became obvious that white nonmagical people were determined to wipe out everyone else (and members of rival tribes were accepted into each others’ spaces peacefully when colonists continued to get worse; uniting against a common enemy)... with the idea that the trail of tears and similar events had significantly less deaths (whether the deaths were faked, or whether white muggles were confunded to not notice/brush off the mass disappearances, or...?), and the people “lost” were taken into protected lands that white nonmagical people can’t get into at all, and that white magical people will be fiercely fought against ....and I was going to look for a sensitivity reader if that headcanon became a bigger part of this fic because I’m white and I’ll 300% need it and it’s still just a half-developed side detail that may or may not make it into this fic, but I’m sure will eventually make it into one of my fics that’s set in both the Harry Potter universe and the USA. (If not this one, then probably my MCU/HP crossover. I just really don’t like the pottermore/word of god info about magical society in the americas, and I haven’t seen Fantastic Beasts and even if I cared about FB canon, even though MACUSA is in charge, those are mostly set in new york city (and Europe apparently?), so that doesn’t contradict my “MACUSA is only in the 13 colonies” detail)

Definitely going with the joke “JK Rowling is actually Rita Skeeter, just selling to a new audience that won’t realize she’s telling the truth or when she’s stretching it” as another background fact, but I don’t think the characters will ever figure out exactly who is masquerading as Rowling.

Constructive criticism: Yes? Tentatively? I mean this is intended to be crackfic, where characterization matters but realistic plot not so much. So keep that intended tone in mind when offering concrit, but at this point I think I’ll welcome any (polite) feedback on this story even if it’s negative. (just try not to be purely negative, yeah? Long term I appreciate concrit, but short term it’ll bother me disproportionately, even when I asked for it, and triply so if it’s not balanced)

[breezy-cheezy]

Mmmmmkay I have to rant about Nier: Automata for a bit; I accidentally triggered the end of the game (playthrough 2, ending B) last night and stayed up till 2:00 trying to finish the stupid “not allowed to save” phase. But y’aLL IT’S SO GOOD??????? AND 3RD PLAYTHROUGH ISN’T ANOTHER RE-RUN OF THE SAME STORY WE GET MORE STORY AAAAAAAAA

(more under the cut because there is ALOT for those who care;;;;;)

- OK SO THE MUSIC IS AMAZING??? I love LOVE that the music dynamics build in instruments and intensity as you progress towards danger/plot, but also softens again for quieter moments and just...musical storytelling is so sooooo my jam I love it. Also that the music goes 8 bit when 9S hacks stuff, it’s actually kinda cute X’D

- ON THE SUBJECT of 9S being able to hack into enemies and you getting to play that as a little teeny ship shooting down viruses and barriers and whatnot. Genius???? That added SO MUCG to the story on the second playthrough as 9S. Particularly discovering the fact that all of humanity?? Is actually extinct?? ...even BEFORE the aliens/machines attacked earth?? WH A T?????? WHAT THE HECK ARE ANDROIDS FIGHTING FOR THEN????? *every time an android salutes and says “glory to mankind” now* GLORY MY FOOT THEY ALL DEAD MOVE ON--

-  I realize it probably has alot to do with the lore of previous nier games and I’ll probably have to trawl through Wiki pages soon here. Emil himself really broke my heart aaaaaah baby...his side quest is so sad. I also looked at arts and he was a really cute kid?? Before he was turned int the freaky moon skeleton thing...?? Oh my goodness......

-  The secret lunar tear flower room is gorgeous. I just sat there for awhile to soak it all in...the music is so nostalgic and I’ve never heard that song bfore how do y’all DO THAT--

- Emil’s shop is pretty cute. He just drives around the ruins and sells stuff if you shoot him and he’ll stop X’’’D It did ruin alot of serious moments tho. *Engels, talking about how he’d sinned for killing so many androids and choosing death--* “S-A-L-E SAAAALLLEEE~~!! EVERY SALE’S A WIIIINNNNNN~~~~!!!! LALALaaaaaa~~~...” Me: *facepalm* 

- ...I just realized the little tune he sings is a cheerful rendition of the music in the flower room. H E C K

- ANYWAY. Onto the actual game. I really really enjoyed playing as 9S for obvious reasons (bABY) but it really did add so soooo much to the pretty much surface level story when you first play as 2B. Which sums them up pretty well...2B, Battle unit 2, pushes on relentlessly, avoids thinking too hard about things and what she’s doing because oh dear, EMOTION might get in the way...9S, Scanner unit 9, on the other hand, cannot stop his curiosity. He asks questions, he sticks his nose in way further than he should to some dangerous stuff. I think he realized Machines were sentient and had feelings long before 2B, but was in denial for a good while. You learn so much more about what you’re fighting as 9S, because he scans. He observes, searches, discovers. Heck, some hacking caused him to experience empathy for the poor things, to his horror...

- Actually, there are alot of scenes where either 2B or 9S questions why a machine they’re killing is screaming for help, of crying for lost family, or loudly proclaiming loyalty to a king they’ll give their lives for...they stop for a moment, but the other quickly jumps in and reminds them that it’s just imitation. It’s not real, it’s fake, machines can’t feel, yadda yadda...it was odd to me they kept switching off on reminding, but...I think they both know, deep down, what they’re doing. But denial. Because if machines DO have feelings, if they are sentient...what does that mean for all they’ve killed...? Just...hoo BOY the moral dellimas in this game?? Scary good. The quests get that across alot.

- I don’t like the theme of hopelessness in most of the side quests?? I do see many of them as cautionary tales though. We watch many characters lose hope and the will to live after their thing/person they’re living FOR is gone. It makes me worry alot about 2B, who is a soldier through and through. 9S actually does have hopes and dreams for things outside of the war, which I love ;7; they definitely lean on each other alot emotionally on this respect though...I don’t know quite what to make of the themes of the game this far in yet;;;; 

- The love between 9S and 2B is of course my favorite thing. Familial, romantic, idk. I, being me, see it as more platonic, “You’re my rock in this storm” only friend/sister/brother vibe, but as more of a fan of platonic relationships, that is what I tend to do. But 9s following 2B around like a lost puppy and trying to do all he can to help and do his job but also getting bored with said job and trying to make the most of things, asking all the “why” questions, 2B acting irritated but also always keeps him close and makes sure he’s safe....going ballistic when someone hurts her boy ;;v;; I love...2 kids. Their operators and pods are such fun dynamics too~~ 

- As far as endings A and B...DANG. It hit worse because you get backstory on the giant ocean machine (that 9S just hit with a giant missle, which he also had to ride to keep it on the right path...DX NO SELF PRESERVATION) he just...wanted his mama......;;A;;

- Also it’s not fair. 9S is so injured by that missle attack, then I guess Adam finds him and is like “HM. *sticks the lil boy impaled on a wall* Perfect. *proceeds to emotionally and mentally torture said child*“ like YO ADAM THAT’S NOT HOW YOU DO THINGS. Then 2B proceeds to kick down walls for her boy and kills Adam and walks off carrying 9S bridal style into the sunset. Lovely. I have a comic idea for this part, lol.

- Oh I don’t like Adan very much, he is pretty tho?? There was alot of blood though...how do machines bleed?? How do the androids bleed?? What??? I question this alot. 

- HHHHHHH THE BECOME AS GODS CHAPTER SCARED ME I DON’T EVER WANNA DO THAT AGAIN DANG SUICIDAL ROBOTS SCARED ME SO BAD

- Fighting Eve was...annoying but still heartbreaking. He misses his brother so much....even though Adam is a butthead and couldn’t care less he left his little brother behind DX just everything about that fight was Tragic. Also Eve developing more self awareness and realizing “Eve” is a girl’s name and being a bit miffed LOL that’s what y’all get when your first book is the bible kiddos...I realize they’re technically like what? 2 weeks old still???

- The ENDING. From 9S’s perspective is especially scary....the corruption transforming him, 2B coming in to kill him to stop the pain, he BEGGED her to, just....hhhhhhh babies ;;A;; 2B’s soft broken crying over him as she’s forced to strangle her only friend to death just aaaaaAAAAAAAA I DIE ;;;;;;;;~;;;;;;;;;

- I was actually able to cry over it this time coz. It was 2 am. No parent awkwardly watching over my shoulder. Because the pose for this scene is...........super awkward..........like......really........their clothes are super torn up and uh. The first time I was just hoping my parents wouldn’t mistake it for a sex scene or something hhhhhghhhhh;;;;;; I really really REALLY wish the pose was different, the game does need to give the fanservice a rest, at LEAST for a scene this serious DX I’m able to ignore it but when someone else is watching I don’t wanna have to explain;;;;

- That IS a big gripe I have with the game. The fanservice. Just. Why. How is 2B’s outfit practical?? Self destruct mode???? REALLY???? Get this girl battle shorts or something please.....I guess if I looked at it more as a ballet outfit?? I might make some edits when I draw her because GEEZ.

- 9S gets some of this too. Self destruct mode, his shorts are blown off???? WHAT THE HECK???? Welp, never using that again. also why is he the only yorha boy android??????????? X’’’’D They never explain that!!

- BACK TO ENDING STUFF why were there random data hologram girls standing there, watching 2B strangle 9S?? Just...silently there...they weren’t there in the first playthrough?? I’ve seen them a couple times but they’re NEVER mentioned?? WHAT ARE THEY-- is it a glitch?? Wha--

- Teeny 9S being able to dump his consciousness into a giant machine robot guy and cradling 2B in his hand ;;~;; he’s fine y’all I’m so GLAD (I wanna draw something for this scene.... I wanna draw alot of things) 

- I love Pascal. He should adopt all the sad people to his happy peace village. He already started that...what a good egg. 

- The accessories option is lovely. I’ve been running around with 9S with a blue bow in his hair forever now ;7; replaced with the flower in his hair because BOYS AND FLOWERS I LOVE but I think I might give the flower to 2B because she’d look lovely with it and....I miss the blue bow X’D

 - Also the AMOUNT of things this could line up with a KH universe....as far as how androids work, hearts (black boxes), memories making you...you, being able to transfer “hearts” to new bodies when the old is destroyed, POWER OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP...there’s alot. I dunno what to do with this info...

Anyway, I have alOT of thoughts and feelings on this game, it’s like...a very cool book. I’ve had trouble putting down. These aren’t even all of them but idk who I can actually rant to so here it is for the Void

I’m so interested to see where it goes! 

[leviathan-says-hi]

Tagged ask-meme/about...thing

Tagged by @goodboysatan

(Oh wow, I'm uh, honoured you're asking about me but be prepared for disappointment, I'm as dull as they come! Also very rambly as you will see. Whoops 😅)

Rules: Tag 10 followers you want to get to know better (I cheated here, sorry!)

Star sign: Pisces 🐟

Gender: I'm a guy ✌️

Height: Uhhh...some awkward middle ground between 5'7 and 5'8 I think? (173-176 ish cm)

Sexuality: *wibbly wobbly hand gestures*

(Real talk I don't go out often enough or speak to enough people to know who I'm attracted to lol ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Anyone who's nice I guess)

What image do you have as a wallpaper?:

Lockscreen:

Wallpaper:

(Was Cardinal Copia for months but I recently saw a production of Shakespeare's Twelfth Night and remembered my love for Mark Rylance as the Countess Olivia. Yes, I'm aware it's a very niche interest 😅)

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?: Oh man. I'm currently working on my biomed degree and looking to specialise in Evolutionary Psychology and neuroscience, so the ultimate dream would probably be to get my PhD. On a smaller (and probably more attainable 😂) scale, a small flat filled with bean bags, cacti and pots of pens sounds like heaven. Hopefully there's a dog or two in my future as well. (Finally finishing this book I'm trying to illustrate wouldn't hurt either! 🤪)

If you could be anywhere else right now, where?: Walking through a forest in a pouring thunderstorm wearing a big ol' jumper 😊

What was your coolest Halloween costume?: "Coolest" is...debatable, but my favourite was when I was the vampire teddy from The Nightmare Before Christmas. Pointy wig, lots of face paint and a cape I already owned and wore on a regular basis (yeah, I was THAT kid). I was maybe 10 or 11 and made it myself, so you can probably guess what the quality was like 😂

What’s your favorite 90s show?: Mhh...I actually don't really watch TV, just the same 2 or 3 series on repeat because I have the dvd 😅 I guess X-Files / Will and Grace? They're the ones I return to the most I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Last kiss: Mhh, probably the last time I was in a relationship, say 6/7 years ago? Unless we're also counting dog kisses in which case just now! He's a good boy 🖤

Have you ever been stood up?: I don't think so? I've had friends bail on plans but that's about it. I honestly don't socialise enough for this to happen to me :P

Have you ever been to Vegas?: Never even been to America!

Favorite pair of shoes: Either a pair of (falling apart) black and white baseball boots or my black hiking boots that look like they've been through the apocalypse 😂

Favorite fruit: I'm a terrible human and don't eat nearly as much fruit as I should, but blue raspberry is my favourite flavour of anything so??? I guess raspberries??? Maybe??? Idk pomegranate seeds are fun too and I'll literally have cucumber with anything (botanically speaking it's TECHNICALLY a fruit so I'm cheating and counting it as one so I don't get shamed for being so unhealthy 😂)

Stupidest thing you’ve ever done: Probably snorting hammer beads as a kid (think they're called perler beads in other places? Those tiny plastic things you melt together with an iron?) and having to induce a nosebleed to get them out...while my parents had company over and I had locked myself in the bathroom pretending everything was fine. I don't even remember why I did it 😂

Favorite book: Ok so my attention span sucks and I don't read nearly as much as I used to, but I still have some old favourites:

° "The Hunchback Of Notre Dame" by Victor Hugo (The book, the musical, the Broadway show, it's all good 👌👌👌)

° "Roadside Picnic" by Arkady and Boris Strugatsky (ye olde Russian sci-fi. Still good today)

° "The Picture Of Dorian Grey" by Oscar Wilde (selling your soul for eternal beauty? Relatable. Fun fact, for an assignment at 15 I basically wrote fanfiction of this. Got an A 😂)

° "Death Note Another Note: The Los Angeles BB Murder Cases" by Nisio Isin (ok make fun of me for this all you want, but I read it over a decade ago and it still brings me joy to this day so it's on the list 👍)

° "Rapture" by John Shirley (The Bioshock prequel. I'm a sucker for this game)

° "The Shadow Over Innsmouth" by H. P Lovecraft (Spoopy fish people are the best kind of people)

° Technically a play but "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare brings me so much joy I can't even explain it (hence the above wallpaper 🖤)

Favorite GIF:

(Tag people): Ok, so I'm majorly cheating here and just tagged a bunch (meaning way too many 😂) of the lovely people always see in my notes but I'm too shy to @ - Feel free to ignore this and instead take it as a thanks for always making my day a little better 🖤

@piermet

@lanottedellastrega

@lunagoths-ghost-obsession

@brotherofsin

@cardicishot

@papa-uhhmeritus

@haunted-kazoo

@cantuseeme

@pinkiepiebones

@surviving-sulfur

@corpsesandcoffee

@michelef68

@jackieboywynand

@omg3seitaikenjidai3

@witchimage

@deep-aural-fixation

@fahrenflame

[thelittlestspider]

get to know the writer tag

tagged by @the-color-of-roseblood, @ghost-possum, and @thevajunglebook. thank you for tagging me and i’m sorry it took this long.

i’m bad at coming up with questions so i’m not going to do the 10 questions. but i am going to answer the questions that were listed. also this is an open tag, so anyone who wants to do it can do it.

rules: answer 10 questions, create 10 new questions, and then tag 10 people

from the-color-of-roseblood:

1) We always talk about favorites. What’s your least favorite book?

hmmm. one book i’ve always hated is the scarlett letter. we read it in school and it was awful.

2) Do you have a favorite place to write? What’s it like there?

i didn’t really have a favorite place to write until recently. a few months ago i finally got a desk and i’ve been in love with it ever since. 

very, very cluttered. there’s all kinds of stuff piled on it. on one side i’ve got soda cans, plastic bottles, my phone; the other side is junk food, my glasses case, a couple of necklaces. i have an old sugar plum fairie barbie on the top shelf that i tried to sell, that nobody wanted even though i had it for like $5 (i might post a picture of it later bc it’s super pretty).

3) Do you have any artistic endeavors other than writing? If not, what else would you most like to learn to do?

back before the writing bug really bit me, i used to draw all the time. now i barely ever draw unless i get really inspired. 

hmmm, i don’t know. maybe sign up for duolingo and learn other languages?? other than that i don’t know.

4) What’s your favorite holiday? Why? Have you ever written a story involving that holiday?

halloween is my favorite, followed closely by christmas just bc i love the tacky decorations and the music and the movies and pretty much everything about it. 

looool i have tried to write fics involving these holidays, but they never come out how i want them to and i’ve kind of given up on it. 

5) How do you fight writer’s block?

silly answer: drink so much caffeine i ascend to the astral plane to get advice from the writing gods.

actual answer: there’s not really an easy way to answer this. sometimes i see writing posts that are like, “you have to write every day!!” and i’m thinking y’know that’s not always possible. whether i’m out of inspiration/ideas, or i’m in a depression spiral, or i’m tired from work, or maybe i’m just not feeling that particular project. it’s not a sin to need a break from your wips, bc even though it’s happy work it’s still work. and there’s no shame in needing to take a breather to get yourself sorted out. 

on days when i’m ready to write, i do different things to get myself pumped up for my wips. i’ll make playlists, make aesthetic boards, sometimes i torture my mutuals with rambles about my ocs or tag them with little excerpts from the project. i really like making an aesthetic tag so i can go and look at all the pretty stuff that makes me think of the wip, so i can remind myself why i want to write it in the first place.

6) At what point in a WIP do you decide to send it to your first beta readers/reviewers?

probably not until i’m at least done with a second draft. the first draft needs to have all those plot holes filled, all those loose threads woven back together, characters need developing. showing a beta reader my first draft would be like taking a person to a room filled with beginning sketches of people where they’re still just shapes instead of having any defining features. 

7) What’s your greatest inspiration?

i don’t think i have one lol.

8) A lot of writers have certain things they like to describe - food, clothes, fights, party scenes. What’s your favorite thing to describe?

emotional scenes where characters talk about their problems and they hug and maybe even cry. i’m a terrible person.

9) What’s your approximate ratio of reading to writing? How do you find time for both? Do you do both on the same day, or split it up?

you’re going to judge me for this, but i haven’t been reading actual books lol. the last few months i’ve just been reading fanfic oneshots with like the occasional multichapter fic thrown in. my attention span has been terrible.

10) What books would you recommend to someone to get them into reading?

i think it depends on the person. what i might find compelling, someone else might find super boring. 

from ghost-possum:

1. What is your favorite book in a genre that you don’t tend to write? If you do fantasy/sci-fi, what’s your favorite romance? If you write literary, what’s your favorite paranormal YA?

i don’t really like writing stuff that doesn’t have some kind of paranormal element. so i guess i’d say my writing enemy that i like reading is real world drama. 

my favorite books that are like idk period pieces i guess?? are Anne of Green Gables and Pride and Prejudice. 

as for stuff that’s based in more recent times, there’s a ya series i really like called tiny pretty things that’s about a group of ballerinas competing against each other for spots for prima ballerina?? and there’s a lot of drama and backstabbing. it’s kind of a dark series. 

2. What book would you love to see turned into a movie or tv show? Any particular reasons why?

i can’t think of anything right now. maybe green angel by alice hoffman?

3. Have you ever written a character with a certain real-life person in mind. Was it someone you know in real life or someone famous?

some of my ocs were originally based off acquaintances, but as i kept writing them the characters changed so much that they became pretty much unrecognizable. 

4. If your latest WIP had a color scheme, what would it be?

paper heart would be red, orange, pink, and purple. the colors of a sunset with the threat of darkness falling over everything. 

5. What do you eat or drink while writing (if anything)?

s’mores poptarts if i’m too lazy to get up and fix myself something. chips. different sodas: cherry coke, sunkist, grape fanta. 

6. What do you do to restore your inspiration when you’re not writing?

watch movies/tv shows. listen to podcasts or music. look at cool pictures. 

7. Coffee, Tea, Booze, or ALL THREE?

coffee and booze. i’m not a big fan of tea. 

8. Who is your favorite visual artist?

uhhhh, does studio ghibli count? their artwork is so appealing to look at.

9. Do you have any other creative pursuits outside of writing? What are they?

maybe learning other languages??

10. What is your favorite trope, the one you will always fall for and never get enough of?

AAAAAAAAAAA, ENEMIES TO FRIENDS TO LOVERS. 

from thevajunglebook: 

1. Describe your WIP as a cross between two movies.

i’m trying to think of what paper heart would be, but i’m drawing a blank. this needs to be its own game where someone else guesses what movies your wip is the lovechild of.

2. What’s your favorite part of writing communities?

cheering on and also being cheered on during the writing process. getting to read all these wonderful stories written by wonderful people. knowing other people are suffering just as much as i am lol. 

3. If you could collaborate with any writer (whether friend or idol), who would it be and what would you work on together?

i am terrible at collaborating with other people lol. 

4. Do you prefer reading/writing standalones or series? 

i love reading series, but i’m not good at writing them lol. yet somehow i always end up writing series.

5. Who is your ultimate OC otp(+)?

canon: for the next three days verse it’s between leana/yvonne and jason/bella for otp status. my ot5 is carter/matteo/violet/tiffany/nina. 

for defect i’d say my otp is joe/alec. also ethan/noah later on down the line.

ot3: ned/alec/sage 

ot4: ned/alec/joe/ray.

au: joe/ned/carter

.

for the graveyard of the forgotten it’s definitely orrinaz/eliya/amnayel. 

6. If your OC(s) joined tumblr, what type of blog would they run?

i wish i could answer this question with the dedication it deserves. i feel like their blogs would have a lot of memes and shitposts with some aesthetic stuff thrown in. 

7. If you could write an adaptation of any story, which would it be?   

while i have zero desire to write an adaptation for a story, i’ve always liked the idea of a movie version of Green Angel by Alice Hoffman. mostly bc it’s surreal, a little weird, post apocalyptic, and it would just look really cool.

8. What common writing tips never work for you? And/or what uncommon advice do you swear by? 

anything that’s like, “if you don’t write everyday, you’re not a real writer!!” like chill dude. just bc i’m not cranking out 1,000 words a day like some lean, mean, writing machine doesn’t mean i’m not dedicated to what i’m doing. 

9. Do you research before, during, or after writing sessions? 

it depends. sometimes i get to a point in a fic where i’m like, “uh oh” and i go into a research spiral trying to find this one specific thing. thinking ah yes, this is the specific thing i need at this very moment that i probably could do without.

10. Have you had a writing epiphany that totally revamped your WIP?

if only. there were a few game changers in the next three days series that changed things for the better:

- the way carter and matteo first met lmao. 

- violet’s existence. 

- sage rescuing and then leaving violet and carter. 

- carter and nina’s bromance. 

- alec and carter, and also joe and matteo being siblings.

- tiffany seeing ghosts.

[our-smooty]

Flowerbeds and Fertile Soil: Chapter 12

Fandom: Good Omens

Rating: Explicit

Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens, )Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer

Tags:  Kidfic, Mpreg kind of, they can choose to present however so idk, Crowley Has A Vulva (Good Omens), Crowley Has A Penis (Good Omens), Aziraphale Has A Penis (Good Omens), Aziraphale Has A Vulva (Good Omens), OCs Galor, parenting, using your snake form to avoid confrontation, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Pregnancy, if I missed a tag lemme know

Summary: They could do anything, go anywhere, all without the worry of Above or Bellow making a fuss. Even so, they mostly kept to their little patch of Eden, their cottage and garden and the simple life they’d carved out among the locals. Aziraphale opened a book shop in town, where he only occasionally sold any books (and the ones he did sell, were all modern and stocked specifically for that purpose). Crowley focused his attentions on the garden, and if he occasionally helped their elderly neighbour with her disobedient willow tree, then that was a secret no one needed to know. Lately, however, they had both been feeling rather restless, unbeknownst to each other. Aziraphale tried reorganizing his store, changing the way he tied his bowtie and even ate pizza –something he considered to be far too messy for him personally. Crowley had branched out into birdwatching, and then car maintenance (the human way), and even reading. Nothing scratched the itch for either of them.

Ao3 Link

As expected, the warding took less than an hour. Crowley’s nap, on the other hand, took at least four hours. The first hour was him nestled into Aziraphale’s side, floating in that lovely space between awake and sleep while the angel read to him. Eventually, he’d drifted off fully and spent a solid three hours dead to the world.

Upon waking Crowley had of course tried to get closer to Aziraphale’s warmth. It felt like waking up underneath his heat lamp, but a thousand times better because he was wrapped up in the angel’s arms and surrounded by blankets soft as clouds. The only thing ruining the perfect moment was an insistent, subtle ache in his knees and back that was just enough to make him squirm. 

“Hello love, are you awake?” Aziraphale asked. There was a rustling of pages and the sound of leather against wood. Then Aziraphale was pulling him closer with both arms.  

“Mmph,” Crowley grumped, twisting his hips in an effort to get rid of the ache. “--time isss it?”

Aziraphale hummed, looking over to his pocket watch on the bedside table before rejoining Crowley on the bed. “A little after six. I wasn’t sure if you intended to sleep straight through until tomorrow morning or not, you seemed completely out.”

“My back woke me up,” Crowley grumped, finally flipping to his belly and tilting his hips up. That made his lower back feel better but put more stress on his knees. “I don’t think my corporation likes what the kid’s doing to it very much.”

“Poor thing,” Aziraphale cooed, rubbing his hands into the muscles just above Crowley’s arse. “Why don’t you get in the tub and have a nice long soak?”

Crowley nodded sleepily, pushing back into the quick massage. “Coffee?”

“Just the one cup, you know you can't have too much.” Crowley moaned pitifully but didn’t disagree. “Go on then and get in the bath. There should be some of those salts you like so much in the cupboard.”

Crowley sent the angel a rare soft smile and a small pursing of his lips. Totally not a kiss. He did not send the angel air-kisses. Aziraphale nearly glowed, making a furtive hand motion like the not-kiss had landed right on his cheek. Crowley was extremely glad no one was around to see his raging blush. To make things easier he quickly made his escape towards the bathroom, muttering about sappy behaviour and absurd angels. 

In the bathroom he busied himself drawing the bath and getting the mix of Epsom salts, bubbles, and scented oils exactly right. Crowley had learned to secrets of drawing the perfect bath back in Rome, from one of the girls at a brothel he’d been ordered to create. A classy joint, less likely to attract bad types, and the girls were all paid well and there of their own free will. The one who’d taught him, her name unfortunately gone from his mind, had eventually left to start her own shop in town. It made him smile as he dashed in the final few ingredients; a hint of sandalwood and jasmine oil. 

While Crowley lowered himself into the steaming water he heard the shop phone ringing. Not too surprising, since Aziraphale still popped back here now and then and had finally installed an answering machine. Most of the messages were from confused former patrons or booksellers looking to give the angel a tip on a rare book. So he wasn’t too concerned when he heard the ringing stop and the muffled sound of Aziraphale answering. No, Crowley was more concerned with the simply fantastic feeling of the steaming water (hotter than a human could survive) and how it was relaxing the pinching muscles in his back. With a relieved sigh, Crowley relaxed fully into the bath and tipped his head back, letting his mind float amongst the bubbles. 

“A.Z. Fell and Co., terribly sorry but we’re closed indefinitely.” Aziraphale wasn’t sure why he’d even answered the phone. Habit, most likely. Still he didn’t feel like dealing with any customers, or his bookseller contacts. After the day they’d had, he wanted to fix them both a warm drink then join Crowley in the bath. 

“Aziraphale?” A familiar voice crackled over the old phone line. The phone had been put in as soon as such things were available, by Crowley, and its performance was as would be expected by a more than 200-year-old piece of technology. 

“Anathema! So good to hear from you,” he said, his demeanour changing rapidly. “How are things with little Alfred and the girls?”

“Oh, good, good. He’s feeding well. Sleeps about as well as Lottie but what can you do?” Aziraphale hummed sympathetically, remembering the times when he and Crowley had watched Charlotte as an infant. “But that’s not what I’m calling about. You remember a while back, when you met Freddie? How I said I’d try some scrying, and looking into the future?”

It had been a hectic day, what with he and Crowley arguing that whole time. “I do recall something about that. But don’t worry yourself dear, it’s an awful lot of trouble.”

Anathema made a soft sound, like a laugh and a sigh. “No, it’s no trouble. I uh, I already did it actually. My mom was visiting and she helped me with the setup so things would be as clear as possible. Did you want to know what I saw?”

“Of course! If you’re even half as talented as your ancestor, I'm sure it will be most useful. Not that you aren’t--oh you know what I mean don’t you?” Aziraphale babbled, extremely excited to know anything about their baby.

“I get it. Is Crowley around? He might want to hear.” 

“Yes, but he just got in the bath. His back has been hurting, and we had a stressful day yesterday,” he explained. Anathema hummed in understanding. 

“I know. It wasn’t too clear but one of the first things I saw was you two at the book shop, which is why I called there. Anyway, most of it seemed pretty normal; I saw the colour you picked for the nursery, it’s nice. There was a general feeling of excitement, and Crowley looked less sick. You both seemed… stressed though. And there was just one moment I think I saw someone crying? But I couldn’t tell who, the connection was breaking up.”

Aziraphale frowned but forced himself to say something quickly as to not make to poor girl think she'd upset him. “Well, things have already been looking better for Crowley with the morning sickness, so I’m very glad it looks like we’ve seen the last of it. And isn’t the colour wonderful?” It was obvious he was avoiding the latter half of her vision.

“Aziraphale… have you and Crowley been alright?” she asked. Humans could be so direct sometimes, and often Aziraphale didn’t know what to do with it. “We haven’t heard much from you two since you dropped the girls off”

“Well, you know how things are. We had a good talk, but it’s been difficult sometimes. It’s a big change, not to mention some hooligans decided to vandalize the book shop--”

“I saw that!” Anathema shouted, forcing Aziraphale to hold the receiver away from his ear with a wince. “I saw broken glass, and red paint? I wasn’t sure… I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to tell you in time.”

Once she calmed down and the angel was able to once again hold the phone close, Aziraphale answered. “Don’t worry, we only found out about it this morning, so there probably wouldn’t have been enough time for you to warn us anyways. Besides, it was nothing we couldn’t handle, and it gave us the excuse to make a little trip to London to update our barriers.”

“Well, that’s good then, I guess.” In the background, Aziraphale could hear the happy laughter of Charlotte and Annabella, followed by a baby crying. “Oh shoot, they woke Fred up. I have to go but if I see anything else I’ll let you know, alright?”

“Of course, lovely to hear from you dear girl.” With a click and a dial tone, their conversation was over and Aziraphale was left standing in the bookshop proper. The scream of the kettle broke him out of his post-discussion thinking though, and he suddenly remembered he was supposed to be making drinks and joining Crowley in the tub.

“Bugger,” he mumbled, covering his ears and rushing into the kitchenette. As quickly as possible he took the kettle off the hob and set about making the drinks. The entire time he dwelled on what Anathema had been able to tell him about their future. Stress, crying? Those sounded ominous, though he was glad to hear she saw nothing immediately disastrous. 

“Annnnnngle!” Crowley called from upstairs. “I’m dying of dehydration up here!” 

“Coffee is a diuretic love!” Aziraphale called back, adding a full cup of water to the tea tray he was putting together. He carried it back through the bookshop, avoiding any and all books. Usually, he would have prepared things in the flat above the shop, but the kitchen had been mostly stripped bare when they moved. There had been many items, like his antique tea kettle, that Azirphale simply had to bring to the cottage. 

“Finally!” Crowley shouted from the bathtub. Aziraphale noted the pleasant scent and obscene amount of bubbles with a fond smile. “I thought you’d forgotten about me for some bookseller.”

Aziraphale set the tray down on the counter and passed over Crowley’s coffee, then the water. “I could never forget about you dearest. Besides, that was Anathema calling, not one of my associates.” He wasn’t sure if he should tell Crowley everything right now, given the exhausting day. But, if Aziraphale had learned anything over the past few months, it was that if they were going to do this they had to be honest with each other.

“What did she want then?” Crowley asked, right on cue and just as Aziraphale had expected. The demon sat up and sipped his coffee, sneakily making space at the other end of the tub for Aziraphale if he so wished to join him. Which the angel did wish, most ardently. 

“Well you remember how she offered to try taking a peek at the future for us?” he asked as casually as possible. Crowley hummed in recognition. “Well, she just wanted to let us know that she saw a few things. Nothing major, though she did see something vague about the vandalism.”

Aziraphale focused on undressing, rather than worrying about Crowley getting upset. “She said your morning sickness is probably gone for good, and that there was a general feeling of excitement. A little bit of stress too, and maybe some…” he trailed off, finally naked and ready to get into the tub. He spared a glance toward Crowley and caught him looking both concerned, presumably, about the phone call, and interested in the angel’s naked form.

“Some what?” Crowley asked, eyes trained on Aziraphale as he sank into the water. The angel took a few seconds to get comfortable, arranging Crowley’s long, lanky legs so he had enough space. 

“She said we seemed, stressed. And that she saw someone--not necessarily one of us mind you because telling the future is tricky business as you know--”

“Aziraphale,” Crowley interrupted. “Gonna be honest you acting like this is stressing me out already. So if you could just get on with it?” 

“Yes, yes, sorry love. It really is nothing.” He took a deep settling breath. “Anathema said she saw someone crying.”

“Someone?”

“It would seem that even though she’s very persistent, Anathema doesn’t have Agnus’ keen eye for the future. That was all she said she could make out clearly.” Now that he’d said it Aziraphale felt a wave of relief wash over him. He hadn’t realized just how tense he’d gotten in the last few minutes. 

“OK. That’s OK. It could be anyone. Or even if it’s one of us it could be completely out of context,” Crowley said after a brief silence. “Jeeze I thought you were going to tell me she saw someone die or something.”

“Crowley! Don’t joke!” Aziraphale cried, sloshing the bathwater at he smacked the demon lightly on the calf. Crowley cackled and wiggled down into the bubbles, holding his coffee high enough to avoid the suds. 

“Sorry angel, sorry! M’just glad it’s not all doom and gloom, you know?” It was unlike Crowley to be the one with a positive outlook, which convinced Aziraphale further that he was making mountains out of molehills. “And I’m not going to lie, I’m frankly thrilled to be rid of that blasted morning sickness.”

Finally, Aziraphale felt like he could relax again. The bookshop flat’s tub had been one of his favourite things while living here, and he’d definitely missed its decadence. With the added benefits of hot tea and Crowley’s excellent company, things were quickly turning into a nearly perfect night. 

“Me too. You were such a sourpuss when you weren’t feeling well.”

“S-sour--? How dare you call the uh, the bearer of your child a sourpuss?!” Crowley sputtered, slipping a little in the water and getting bubbles up his nose. “Bastard.”

Aziraphale suppressed a smug grin. “Would you rather I tell you how radiant I think you look? Is that more appropriate?” Crowley, who was already sneezing bubbles out of his nose also began to turn beet red. “Or maybe I should offer to wash your hair and lavish you with attention?”

“Ngk.” Crowley blushed prettily, all the way down his neck and chest to the edge of the bathwater. “Can you do it without making a mess of my curls?”

Aziraphale scoffed, already reaching for the pre-conditioning treatment and hydrating shampoo Crowley preferred to use. “I’ve washed your hair before and done a fine job. Now turn your back to me so I can begin if you please.”

“Bossy angel,” Crowley muttered, his voice distinctly lacking in venom. “Be careful, think I moved too much during my nap and now there’s a huge tangle back there.”

“Of course dear. You let me know right away if I’m pulling too hard.” He squirted a healthy dollop of pre-conditioner and began massaging it into Crowley’s hair, ends first. Helpless to the gentle stroking of Aziraphale’s fingers through his hair Crowley sighed. The angel leaned forward so he could rest his head on Crowley’s shoulder and admire his husband’s relaxed form. Crowley leaned back, his arms resting on the sides of the tub, the slight swell of his belly just barely peeking out from the water and bubbles. He’d really started showing in the last week or two and Aziraphale could barely keep his hands to himself. 

As he let the conditioner sit his hands wandered and he let them. They explored the space at the base of Crowley’s skull, that little squishy indent where his skull met his spine. Then down to the shoulders--familiar territory--and back. Aziraphale wished he was in a position to massage his lover’s sore muscles more efficiently, but for now his caresses would have to do. 

From Crowley’s back he moved forward to his stomach. The roundness where there used to be only hard muscle caused a phantom-sensation, like joy zipping through his fingertips at being so close to their baby. Not to mention seeing Crowley so round and soft for the first time ever was still novel and a little exciting. The baby was quiet for now, no movement stirring under his fingertips, but Aziraphale didn’t mind. Just being close like this was enough.

“Ready to rinse?” he asked. Crowley, who had been drifting in that hazy space between dreaming and wakefulness, nodded. Aziraphale carefully tipped the demon’s head back to the faucet and ran cool water over the demon’s hair to wash the conditioner out. The shampoo came next, a delicious apple-scented mixture that Aziraphale was almost sure Crowley ordered custom from somewhere on the internet. That didn’t need to sit, so he quickly washed it out and moved on to the final conditioning.

“I can’t belive you do this every day,” Aziraphale remarked. Crowley chuckled--though it was really more of a giggle, which he would deny to his final breath--and wiggled around until he was laying on his side against Aziraphale’s chest, gazing up at him.

“Doesn’t take as long in the shower, you know. And not every day, you’ve seen me slummin it more than once and you still love me.” Aziraphale couldnt’ help but lean down and peck a kiss to his love’s nose.

“Darling I loved you before regular bathing was a thing so to speak. You’ve always been radiant.” Crowley wiggled again, all blissed-out and content. Aziraphale felt much the same.

“Do you remember when perfume was really in style? Couldn’t go fice minutes without sneezing.” They both laughed, followed by Azirpahale launching into a story about the time he’d had to revive a prominent noblewoman from a terribly unfortunate allergic reaction to his at-the-time newest fragrance. It was homey, and domestic, and they both thoroughly enjoyed it until the bathwater began to cool. Not that they couldn’t keep the water hot if they both wanted, but if they did that they may never leave the tub again

“Time to get out then?” he asked once Crowley’s hair was combed through and rinsed one final time. Crowley wiggled about for a few more minutes, waggling his toes in the sudsy water. Aziraphale allowed him the small pleasure of making a bit of a wet mess of the bathroom floor for a while because it meant he got to watch that small, shit-disturbing grin on the demon's face. When five minutes were up, he leaned forward and pulled the plug himself. 

“Fine, fine.” He let Aziraphale help him up, then wrap him in a great big, fluffy towel. Aziraphale did the same for himself, then turned to Crowley, handing wiping aside a few hairs that had become stuck to his face. 

“More rest, or do you fancy some dinner?” It was getting late, the bookshop slowly falling dark in the dusky evening light. Crowley was soft and pliant in his hands, not moving in the slightest as the angel miracled them into their respective relaxing clothes: sweats and a t-shirt for Crowley, and his usual get up, topped off with his soft reading jacket. “We could order in, if you like.”

“Lets compromise and pick something up? Can’t spend all day cooped up.” Crowley’s aversion to remaining stationary for too long hadn’t settled after the drive in the Bently and they’d been slowly going out more and more. Restaurants were still off the table, because food was still hit or miss for the demon, but they’d been enjoying walks in the park, long drives, and the occasional show at the theatre. Besides, Crowley intended to spend all night in the angel’s bed anyway, and if he played his cards right it would be easy to get Aziraphale to join him.