#i wish i could sell tarot readings but idk how i would go about that
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i think i'm going to end up dropping most of my photocard collections...i don't want to cause i rlly do enjoy collecting but i need the money so bad rn :')
#$500 in medical bills atm#have to pay for all my meds each month#car insurance and phone bill#my cat is overdue for her vaccines i really really need to get her in asap#i can't seem to find a new job#i wish i hadn't had to spend $300 on new scrubs for a job i only managed to handle for three days#idek if that was grammatically correct#my life is such a fucking joke#but at the same time i know there are plenty of ppl who have it worse than me#i'm too scared to look at my bank account lest i start crying again#i'm just trying to think of what all i have that i can sell for some extra cash....#i COULD sell my figures but....miku is all i have left in this wretched life#i could try selling some of my books i guess..uh..idk what else i have#i wish i could sell tarot readings but idk how i would go about that#:(#idk what to do...............#snow.txt
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Yes, I'm back with another pick a card!
This was suggested to me an anon, so anon if you're reading this a big shout out to you :)
This is aimed at singles but know what? Take what you will.
Note: These images are from the deck apps I own on my phone. ❤️
Decks used are : housewives tarot, pagan cats tarot and tarot Mucha respectively.
Pick a card that you feel drawn to or reminds you of something significant.
To book a personal reading with me DM or email me at [email protected]
1.
People only take and take don't they?
Till you have ran out of things to give but they still knock at your door looking for scraps. At this point you're just exhausted and closed the door tight.
You decided it's time for a change. A glow up, if you will? And why not? You deserve to look forward to a better fate. Not this. You're conserving energy or have been doing so for quite some time. You've been wishing and being patient but most of all I see you become some what unattainable? You're standards have gone up. Good for you!
I feel you've caught the eyes of an admirer or maybe several or that's soon to happen. Water, air, fire it seems. You're luminous, bewitching and a bit out of reach. I believe focused a lot on work mostly or building something for yourself, working out even? It's like you've reached the point of, "damn you know whose a full course meal? Me myself." I also see you busy reading or writing? Listening to music. Honestly just chilling and studying even maybe.
I think there are multiple people coming to you, one swiftly, other dying to reach out or coming in steadily. The one you choose would feel like a reflection of yourself whose beauty will stand out more instead of the flaws. This will be someone who looks up to you and is honestly really good looking? Not just that, they're exciting, artistic and really charming. I think you'll be flooded with affection soon but then again there's nothing than you can't give yourself you feel me?
To manifest, simply have a child like wonder to yourself and do as you please. Really do what makes you happy, learn something, sell something that brings you abundance, stay in that zone of high standard. I also see you assisting and Guiding people in some way? I feel whatever this love you desire is coming to you, its not something you have to chase or count calender dates for.
2. That betrayal would cut you deep or already has. You should have listened but it's okay, once the wound is exposed it makes it easier to heal.
It's alright, not the end of the world but the start of your growth. How else would you have learnt? No, you just sat there settling and convincing yourself that this is perfect, your bridge of light led by flowers and butterflies. But life will sometimes pick you away from your box and scream at you to stop equating convinience and companionship to and endgame.
But you know what? Now that you're here I see you either spending more time with or around animals. Buying something new for yourself (attire and accessories), maybe wanting a new look. Your intuition will peak, you'll see or dream of things you weren't aware of earlier.
Some of you are deliberately avoiding confronting a desire or emotion. It's right there but you're trying to escape it. This won't last long.
Also stop burying yourself in work. You need a balance. Mind, body and heart. Come on, no extremes right now. As for love? It's right there. In the most unexpected way, right there shimmering like a ball and you're just like, 'I pretend I do not see.' okay.. Why though?
How long are you going to doubt yourself to oblivion? I sense Earth and water placements? This person seems shy, but ambitious, a giver, very funny, very crackhead humour but talks like they've been alive for too long. They mean well though, super caring. Really pretty features but eyes seem either intense or dewy and dreamy. Might have a water moon or rising. Wiill happen at a time where you feel you're stuck in limbo or just dunno what's going on. Calm before the storm types.
Manifest through creative expression, art, writing and self love + self worth. You do deserve more. I'm not plaster this on your wall if you don't listen to me.
3. So... You know, you know you're connecting the dots right?
You know the two dots are connecting even though the entire chart looks like Peter Parker randomly shot webs everywhere and you're Nick Fury, done with literally everything so you're just being patient or just going on about your day and life.
See, your intuition and higher self / subconscious whatever you believe in already knows.
Either you're seeing it too, have an inner knowing about it and are actively trying to not confront it or just laughing at off cuz haha me? Grand things? Haha why?
Haha yes. That's why.
I think you question yourself a lot, "do I deserve someone spectacular like that? Shouldn't I just stay in my lane?" but still you're the type who rejects a lot of people. I believe you look for a sense of home in a person but still want to be left rather free?
Either this person coming in or you're thinking/trying to manifest seem a bit larger than life to you? Maybe out of your league? So you're either sticking with the one you're dating for now or just 'I'm gonna be the latest single MYSELF' or 'nah what you talking about I'm good.' or max to max, 'I dunno if we'll ever meet and be together so idk ha :)'
This love seems like the perfect balance for you in some way yet excites you and pulls you in at the same time so you are or would be unsure if this is your brain or hormones or feelings on maximum overdrive or it's something legit. That's perfectly fine, things will eitherway play out.
I see some of you fixated on a personal venture or project, tending to it and hoping it grows big? I see that some of you may want to look after their health and body too. I see fixation of skincare products too. I see research work for something as well? You tend to be a lot in your space when you work so the world around usually switches off. That's why you don't know what's around the corner for you and that could just be that one thing you've been waiting for.
I see a long time manifestion that is actually coming in NOW so suddenly you don't know what to do about it?
Honestly, chill. Take a bath. Bake something?
I feel whatever this is, is unavoidable and will manifest anyway.
This is the kind of love that grabs you by the hand and makes you dance even if you have two left feet. Brace yourself, know that it's here.
#free readings#tarot community#divination community#pick a card#Pick a card tarot#pick a picture#Pick a pile
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150 Random Questions
1.) What’s better, having high expectations or having low expectations?
Low lmao
2.) Would you rather go without junk food for a year or go without TV for a year?
junk food
3.) Describe your perfect man/woman.
Tall, funny, weird, silly,serious,optimistic,driven,adventuous, list goes on
4.) Thoughts on school dress codes?
they’re honestly stupid and degrading but some are necessary
5.)Any strange phobias?
Not that i can think of
6.) At what job do you see Donald Trump best fit?
6 feet underground
7.) Who was your first crush?
NIck Jonas lmao
8.) Who was your first best friend?
Girl named Morgan don’t remember her last name.
9.)What is one weird thing about you?
I hate when I have an uneven amount of tattoos.
10.) Top 5 TV shows you like to watch?
11.) What are your favorite boys names? Degrassi, Greys Anatomy,TVD,Black Mirror
12.) What are your favorite girls names? Marley,Tasha idk i dont really have any lol
13.) Do you have any tattoos? If so, what are they? Yes, there’s too many to name each one lmao
14.) Do you plan on getting (more) tattoos? If so, what do you want to get as of the moment? yes many mor, next one is an alien head with a space ship and UFO.
15.) Do you have any piercings? Do you plan on getting more? i mean just my ears and eh maybe
16.) Do you like hugging people?
eh i could live without hugs tbh lol
17.) Think of ANY person on earth right now. Who did you think of? you don’t want to know (CB)
18.) Do you have an iPhone? yes iphone 8 plus
19.) What is the worst thing that could happen in your life right now? losing one of my jobs lmao
20.) Do you watch anime? no
21.) What brings true happiness? music,traveling,friends,concerts.
22.) What is the most expensive thing you’ve ever paid for? honestly, i dont know i dont remember
23.) If you could have any job in the world and get paid millions of dollars a year for it, what would you be and why? tour manager or selling merch for a band
24.) Do you want children? If so, how many? honestly no but if i had to have children probably 1 or 2
25.) Name and describe someone who you feel most comfortable around. I’ll just name them, Pape, Chase, Michele, Destany,Chris, Zion, Mary,Tori, Alyssa
26.)If you could invent a holiday, what would it be? Corbyn Besson Day just because LMAO
27.)Would you rather have summer weather or winter weather all year round? This isn’t a choice but spring weather
28.) If you could make an alien race, describe what they would look like. they would look like an alien racing, obviously.
29.) What was the first thing you learned to cook? Grilled Cheese
30.) Describe your sense of humor. I’m funny as fuuuuck. I’ll send memes, stupid random shit i can think if, anything.
31.) What is the key to happiness? Surrounding yourself with positivity, and trying to find the positive out of anything negative that happens. Not worrying what other people think of you except yourself. Surrounding yourself with good people
32.) How many phone numbers do you have committed to memory? Whose numbers are they? One of my sisters, both my parents, thats about it lmao
33.) Name three songs that make you want to dance. Dazed adn Confused-Jake Miller, Mojo-Round2Crew,something different-wdw
34.) What job did you want to have as a child? Vet Technician
35.) Do you have any talents or skills? My talent is getting all the rings in the ring game on toontown
36.) What was the worst punishment you’ve ever had? I got grounded for a month-dont remember what i did tho
37.) Did you ever do anything weird as a child? Oh im sure i did.
38.) What is your dream car? a car that doesn’t break down
39.) Describe something that made you laugh this week. probably something corbyn did or sue or my friends
40.) Did you have a dream last night? If so, describe it. Yes and i”d rather not lmao
41.) Do you ever have repetitive dreams? Describe it/them. oh yes and u don’t want to hear that either
42.) Describe the worst/ scariest dream you’ve ever had. I’ll always remember this--I was younger maybe like 11 and it was that my dad went psychotic and my sisters and her friends snuck outside and tried to get away but he found us, threw us in his car and had my neighbors at the time help him kill us idk bro it was wild. thats the short version.
43.) Describe the best dream you’ve ever had. there’s so many and no thank you
44.) If God himself gave you a choice of either having unlimited money for the rest of your life or finding your one true love starting tomorrow, which one would you choose (keep in mind, you are still able to make a ton of money if you choose love, and you are still able to meet your soul mate if you choose money)? probably finding my one true love-thats worth more than any amount of money
45.) If you could do anything (and I mean ANYTHING) right now without consequences, what would you do and why? honestly i dont know
46.) Do you have any recipes that you know off the top of your head? What is it/ what are they? yes, how to make whipped cream lmao
47.) Do you have your license? If so, do you have a car? no
48.) Have you ever had a near death experience? yes
49.) Do you personally know anyone that has been to prison? yes
50.) Have you ever been in a physical fight?
yes.
51.) When you get out of the shower, do you towel dry, blow dry, or air dry your hair? depends, if im not leaving the house i towel dry and then air dry but if i have to look good i blow dry.
52.) When you go to the movies, what snacks and drinks do you take with you? candy, popcorn, soda or an icee
53.) Do you like going to the beach? If so, do you like to stay dry or go in the water? If not, why? i like goigng to the beach adn going in the water, i hate sand
54.) Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
sometimes.
55.) If you could have a superpower ASIDE from being invisible or being able to fly, what would you have? reading minds.
56.) If you were able to live for however long you wanted to (i’m talking thousands of years without aging), when would you choose to die? in this moment tomorrow lmao
57.) What do you think happens after you die? the light you go into is really the light when ur leaving the womb and your soul goes into a baby just beig born
58.) Do you believe in aliens? yes
59.) Do you believe in ghosts? yes
60.) Do you believe in spiritual things like ouija boards, tarot cards, and crystals? Do you believe they are portals for evil entities to enter the mortal world? yes
61.) If you could make one mythical being real, who/what would you make?
i dont know
62.) Do you get tan, or do you burn? the first time i tan, i burn the rest of the time i tan
63.) Describe your shower routine. I get in, shampoo, shave, rinse, conditioner, exfoliate sometimes, and body wash then rise hair and get out
64.) Do you enjoy school? Why or why not? Im not in school
65.) In your opinion, what is the worst way to die? struggling
66.) Do you get carsick, sea sick, or airplane sickness? no
67.) What’s one memory that you wish you could live again and again? probs seeing one direction lmao i miss them
68.) What were some of your stuffed animal’s names from when you were a kid? scraper-he was a dog i still have him
69.)Do you have any pets? no
70.) Describe your daily wardrobe. homeless
71.) Describe what your daily wardrobe would be if you were rich. beautiful,with the trends
72.) Create a character right now. Give them a name, age, and character description. Jessica Arkansas from Ohio, 22, makes youtube videos, fun when drunk,funny,works alot, drinks alot, smokes weed sometimes, love making people happy.
73.)What was the last thing you bought? Aromatherapy sleep lotion and shower gel from bath and body works.
74.) Have you ever bought a CD? What band was it for? uh yes I have many CDs, jonas brothers
75.) Describe your perfect ice cream sundae. the traditional one
76.) If you could make ANYTHING happen right now with no cost, trouble, or obstacles, what would you do? make corbyn besson fall in love with me
77.) What are some of your favorite physical activities to do? hiking, walking, going ton the gym
78.) What were some of your favorite shows as a child? Dragon tales, The Amanda show, hannah montana, thats so raven, wizards of waverly place, jonas,little bear, oswald. theres much more
79.) Describe how you would survive the zombie apocalypse. I wouldn’t
80.)What are some things you shouldn’t say at work? anything unprofessional
81.) If you were told that if you killed someone, you would save 100 people, would you do it? depends who the person im killig is (if its ****** or ********* then absolutely)
82.) How’s the weather right now? cold
83.) What is the background on your cell phone right now? its flowers that gnash tweeted one time when he released the broken hearts club
84.)Is it better to work at a job that you love or a job that pays well? a job you love.
85.) What do you have within arms reach of your bed? my stuffed giraffes.
86.) Have you ever been fired from a job? If so, why? no
87.) Have you ever won a trophy, prize, or medal? If so, for what? yes many, for soccer
88.) Do you have any posters, pictures, or art hanging on your walls in your room? If so, what are they? I have 1 poster and its corbyn and then i gave 2 2019 calendars one is jake millers and the other is a friends tv show one and i have hats on tacs hanging, poloroid pictures and a giant s for my name
89.) Are you afraid of the dark? If so, why? yes, because the dark is mf scary
90.)What is something that you’ve never done but would like to try? sky diving or parasailing
91.) If you could choose three famous people or characters to be friends with, who would you choose and why? wdw bc why not and they cool, the cast of friends because they are me and i love them, niall horan bc hes the loml
92.) Do you smile at strangers when you pass by them on the street? sometimes
93.) Do you have a favorite TV commercial? If so, what is it? no
94.) Do you like your handwriting? no
95.) Cable TV or Netflix? netflix
96.) What are your favorite smells? beautiful day from bbw
97.) Do you consider yourself physically strong? no im a weak ass bitch
98.) Describe a time where you said something really rude or mean, whether intentional or not.
oh there are mnay times im a bitch
99.) Do you ask strangers to pet their dogs? yes
100.)What is your most embarrassing moment?
wasn’t even my fault but when a group of drunk girls mauled me down a flight of stairs in front of people and DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE LMAO also whe I tripped at my high school graduaton going to get my diploma.
101.) Has anyone really close to you ever died? If so, who was it and how did you handle it?
yes, my uncle and i did not handle it well.
102.) Describe your plan of action if you were home alone and you heard someone break into your house.
Lock myself in a room and call 911 or fight them lmao
103.) If you were to be born again, would you want to be born male or female?
probs male
104.) What shampoo do you use?
the cheapest one i can find
105.) Guess the meaning of this word: ulotrichous.
I dont even know where to start lmao definitely a phobia for something maybe
106.) Do you let messages (phone, email, text, social media, etc…) build up, or do you have to look at them right away?
texts i let build but everythig else i dont
107.) Where is the nearest McDonalds to your house?
on the other side of town like 5 mins away
108.) If you had $1 billion and you had to spend it in exactly one week, what would you spend it on?
makeup, concerts tickets, plane tickets, clothes, alcohol,food.
109.) What is the best thing you’ve ever eaten?
pasta for sure
110.) If you could go on a trip around the world with up to three people, who would you bring (they can be people you know personally or famous people).
Michele, Zion, thats about it lmao
111.) What expletive/ explicit phrase do you say most often?
fuck off i guess
112.) What is your personal definition of success?
happy with yourself, your job, your life as a whole
113.) How was your day today?
it was good, tiring.
114.) What is the closest Big City you live by?
hartford or probably new york
115.) Have you ever been in a car accident?
no
116.) Do you hide anything from your parents?
yes
117.) If you could possess one talent, what would you be able to do?
sing or dance.
118.) Ugly and smart or beautiful and stupid?
ufgly and smart
119.) What is the worst thing you’ve ever seen in real life?
i dont know
120.) Use only 3 words to describe how you want your future to go.
happy, imperfectly perfect and promising.
121.) QUICK! give me a few things a brick could be useful for
hitting myself in the head
122.) If you could make a dream society, describe it in great detail where it would be, who would be in it, and what rules there would be?
somewhere warm, my friends/favorite artists, no negativity, everything is free, the artists who live there HAVE to perform every other weekend.
123.) If you could make any animal miniature, what would you make and why?
giraffes so in can have one as a pet,
124.) What are your favorite candle scents?
salted caramel, flannel, vanilla bean noel, champagne toast, hot cocoa and cream,endless weekend
125.) If you HAD to have one plastic surgery, what would you get and why?
something to make me skinnier
126.) Do you prefer to hang out with the same sex or the opposite sex?
opposite--less drama.
127.) If you could make a charity, what would the profits go towards? How would you raise money for it?
animals,homeless people, children
128.) Describe the body you wish you had.
just a flatter stomach and thinner thighs
129.) If you were a famous director, what would your next movie be about? Describe the plot, characters, and possible title.
probs a romcom or a romance movie--to tired to make a plot
130.) If only women were to rule the world, how different would the world be by 2050?
very probably better tho
131.) What is your favorite alcoholic drink?
jack and coke.
132.) Do you have a problematic friend?
doesn;t everyone?
133.) Are you more spontaneous or more of a planner?
spontaneous
134.) If you could change your full name, what would your name be?
idk
135.) What is one song that describes your life?
probably wait for you by jake miller or invisible by anna clendending
136.) What is one show you’ve been meaning to watch but can never find the time for?
all of the ones in my list
137.) Do you find it easy to drop toxic people from your life that you’ve known for a long time?
yes
138.) Do you like children? Why or why not?
yes bc they’re cute af and funny and honest
139.) What is your zodiac sign?
pisces
140.) Do you like to dance? Do you dance often? In front of other people?
when im drunk
141.) Name some of your favorite colors.
blue
142.) Have you ever shoplifted? If so, what was it?
yes random stuff from walmart lmao
143.) If you could speak three additional languages, what would they be?
spanish, italian and french
144.) Have you ever been in legal trouble?
eh
145.) Have you ever had surgery?
yes twice.
146.) If you could change 2 things about yourself, what would you change and why?
my body and my face bc uglyand fat
147.) What do you want done with your body after you die?
cremated
148.) What three physical features do people compliment you most on? What do they say about them?
my hair, eyes and outfit sometimes.
149.) If you could have your own business, what would you do?
something that requires me to travel
150.) What current friend do you have that you’ve known the longest?
Angelica--known her before we were born
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I’m going to try to answer some of my old asks lol, I went through my inbox and tried to clean out most stuff (a miserable attempt at new years cleaning lol) so hopefully I can stay more on top of it, but honestly it’s been like over a year since I, the notoriously chronically exhausted unable to reply to things fool, have really looked through the whole thing so some of these are super old lol, but anyway!
(also sorry about the sloppy numbering and etc. I wanted to attempt to organize them somehow so people can just look at numbers they’re interested in or etc. but... I know it’s kind of blurry.. so i type the questions out as well! )
-- 1. How did you get your eyebrows to look like stars? I usually start out by drawing a upside down V shape like an A without the middle slash, then I add a slightly curved stripe through the middle (like a weird A), and then I just fill in that shape until it looks like a star lol, kind of like this :
(i would do this all in the same color, I only used different colors in the quick paint drawing to make the different steps more distinct looking lol)
-- 2. How much clay do you use on one sculpture? It depends on the sculpture in question, for heads usually it’s maybe clay the size of a grapefruit or so, and for larger like fully body sculptures or something it may be a little more than that lol.
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( The rest of the questions are under the read more for length and etc. I just wanted to include some above the read more so people can see examples of the format of I’m answering them in, in order to decide whether to read the rest of the post. .. I’m going to try to keep the answers short (very,, abnormal for me... lol..) but idk how well that will go! I tried to space them apart and mark them clearly with the intention that people can just skip to whatever ones they want to look for and not have to read through the whole thing, so hopefully the layout is okay for that !! : V )
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(oh also, sorry if some of these aren’t typed exactly how they’re written in the ask, I wanted to write them out in case people can’t read the blurry photos lol but I just quickly typed them all so I may have missed a few words or left something uncapitalized that was supposed to be capitalized etc.)
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-- 3& 4. I love your blog soooo much?! and your outfits are literally the best things I've ever seen / You look like a watercolor painting that came to life! Thanks!! (I didn’t include most of the compliments since it feels uh,, really weird if I just posted a ton of screencaps of random compliments but I just wanted to include a few as a chance to explain that I really appreciate them and do read them even if I’m bad at replying/never reply lol!! So thanks to anyone who’s ever sent anything nice! From here on I don’t think I include any unless they’re ones I have something to say about/comment on, but I wanted to make a point somewhere in here that I do indeed appreciate them all!!
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-- 5. your supernatural traveler characters remind me of a tarot deck named dreaming way! have you ever heard of it? if not you should check it out!! i feel as though it's very you No I hadn’t heard of it lol but I just searched it and I enjoy the art style of it. It seems really creative and interesting looking from what I can see of the google images. Thanks for sharing the concept with me!
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-- 6. Your outfits are super cool! they make me feel inspired !! *_* Thanks so much!! I need to get back into posting outfits more and etc. It can just be hard to keep up with doing so many things at once, I often kind of jump around, like one month i do a lot of outfits, one month i do more worldbuilding, etc. etc. I really wish I could establish a balance where I’m doing an equal amount of things at most times but that just seems weirdly difficult for me and my brain for some reason bhhhbb.
Also I have a lot of clothing from the bins that I don’t use or want anymore but stuff like selling clothes is so hard, like laying them all out and taking pictures, then editing pictures, putting them somewhere, monitoring them and keeping up with messages to sell stuff to people, etc. etc. Especially because of how I am when I start cleaning and usually end up getting rid of nearly everything, I’d probably have over 70+ items and doing all that labor to post and sell each and every one of them is bhbhbhh.. I feel weird getting more clothing when I already feel like I have too many items I’m not using or too much of a back log of sewing projects I still haven’t done. And usually part of my inspiration for outfits is if i get a new item that I really want to use somehow lol. I just haven’t gone to the bins lately since I don’t want too much new stuff, but also don’t want to just give away the clothes I have since I think I could find people who would like them who maybe aren’t normally able to access items like that (like vintage nightgowns and stuff can be hard to find already so it seems like, a waste to just give them away to the local thrift store who will probably throw them out for having stains or something anyway as opposed to people who could maybe actually appreciate them) but also selling stuff is just so... incomprehensibly difficult to my mental illness Bad At Task Managing brain lol..
But anyway.. Thanks! and hopefully I’ll have inspiration for more outfits soon, and can manage to get rid of some of the things getting in my way from making them lol
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-- 7. I love the costume make up you do for your characters. Would you ever consider making tutorials? I think I’ve been asked and have said this a few times, but like, I would I guess if people would tell me what they wanted? One of the reasons I don’t readily make tutorials on my own is because I feel like everything out there seems like it’s already been done, or like I’m not very well connected with people who do makeup and that community and stuff and it seems like a very distant ‘not my place’ sort of thing to me, so if I was doing something like that I would want to have some sort of justification for doing it or whatever I guess lol. Like I would never do a ‘how i do freckles’ video or something because there’s probably like, 500000 of those, so I don’t see what I’d be adding by making one and etc. (which is not to say that I only value “wholly original” content as anyone can tell you that that’s a bullshrimp non-existent standard and that nothing is truly original in any sense lol, but more just that especially in a space that I don’t feel I belong in, it would be odd and like silly seeming of me to come and pretend that i know what I’m talking about on a topic that has already been discussed by people more qualified than me like 50 times over. Even if no ideas will ever be original and people who put too much focus on that concept just end up looking like lame hipsters and etc. etc. , there’s still something to be said for like, not walking into a space you know nothing about and saying the same thing 8000000 other people have already said with no personalized spin on it whatsoever lol),,,
So anyway!! I would technically consider doing a tutorial but I need to know what to do? What specifically are people wanting to see?? People always just say like, ‘do a makeup tutorial’ but I don’t know what in specific they mean. But if it was something clear like “re-create this one look you did’ or “how do you do this type of eye that you do” or “how do you do these eyebrows from this photo” or etc. I would be glad to make a short video explaining something in specific or etc. I just have trouble with very vague requests lol and no idea what it would be appropriate to make lol!
So yeah, like, feel free to specifically request something I guess?? The main reason I have trouble or never do them is because I never have any idea in specific what I should even be doing a tutorial on lol. I get a lot of just ‘make a tutorial’ but I never know like, what they mean to make it ABOUT lol. Not to make anyone feel bad or anything , I appreciate their interest regardless and they probably don’t know about my brain’s more particular need for very specific focus,, but just please if you want me to make something like any type of video or etc., be specific about it so I actually know what to do! Which obviously still isn’t a guarantee I would do it or anything, I always have a lot of projects and stuff and have difficulty managing my time as is and may decide the idea in question wouldn’t really be worth pursuing but, it would exceptionally increase the possibility if I actually was given a clear direction to do in and could narrow down what exactly it is this person wants me to explain or focus on!
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-- 8. If for some reason I ever become wealthy I am hiring you to do those photoshoots you described. Like wow that sounds so lovely. ..hmmbbbb... yess.... I moust have a wealthy frienmd to funde my worldbuilding aesthetic designing hobbies... b l e a s e
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-- 9. For your submit button is that to submit fan art or what because I have some :^] It’s to submit whatever lol, you can submit fan art though if you want to. I originally just opened the submit option because I hated tumblr messaging and thought honestly it’d be easier for long strings of text if people just submitted them to me as posts and then I went to their blog and submitted text back haha,, but I don’t ever talk to anyone anymore since I’ve become more anxious and reclusive so it’s more just leftover now, but you can submit anything you’d want to share with me I guess!
Just make sure to specify if you are intending on me posting it or not (like if you sent me a picture of your cat (which... i would love...) just let me know somehow if it’s supposed to only be private where I just look at it myself and delete it , or if you were submitting it and okay with me actually posting it and commenting on it) since I wouldn’t want any confusion over like posting something I shouldn’t have , or not posting something that someone wanted me to lol.
(though if something is weird or would be uncomfortable to post or offensive or whatever I’m obviously not going to post it anyway even if you want me to , but etc etc that goes without saying)
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-- 10. i just wanted to say you're fashion is so lovely and it inspires me to improve my own taste and wardrobe!! your blog is lovely and so are you! Thanks so much! I’m glad I could be inspiring! Remember that it takes basically nothing to do this lol, I don’t study fashion or anything like that, I don’t even hardly know the names of any styles or how to refer to clothing or etc. etc. I am an utter fool in all regard to fashion/style. I literally just take random stuff I like and throw it together in different ways until my brain says ‘yeah, that looks okay’, so you can always have just as lovely of fashion! If you feel comfortable and you like how it looks then that’s all that matters* !
(*of course there are societal and cultural punishments for self expressing in an “”Incorrect”” manner, but here I’m speaking solely about the outfits themselves like, putting stuff on and experimenting with costumes within your own home.. If you don’t posses the superhuman strength to withstand hoards of 12 years olds openly taking photos of you on their iphones whilst publicly laughing at you and random fully grown hecklers screeching at you on the street, that’s absolutely 100% fine and reasonable to tone your outward style down if you feel you need to for the sake of safety (especially if you’re already part of a commonly targeted group where dressing weird may just make you even more unsafe, absolutely understandable and I don’t want to seem like I’m just giving the shitty like “oh just do what you want!! whom cares about what other people think!! ; )“ advice ignoring all context /the fact that ‘what people think’ can have harmful consequences etc),,, BUT, at least in terms of inward style like just trying on outfits in your own room and taking photos or whatever, I just wanted to express that really anyone can achieve a very nice aesthetic, just keep mixing and matching things until they feel meaningful or interesting to you! You don’t have to know anything or have some inborn fashion talent to just, do what looks cool to you and experiment in places you feel safe! (which if you can already feel safe expressing your own style just about anywhere then that’s great, and if not, at least stuff like dressing up around home will be good practice developing your style and confidence for a future time when hopefully looking different in some way wont make you as much of a target as it does now, etc. etc.) )
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-- 11. how do you call your makeup style? it's amazing woa I don’t really know?? Most of it was originally inspired by trying to imitate my sculptures, which were inspired loosely by like, the type of makeup you see sometimes on ball jointed dolls, but since then its really evolved wildly lmao. Still heavily art inspired though. Usually when I do a costume or a sculpture or anything, I START with this vague concept in my head, and from there I kind of have to decide which way I want to express it? Do I do a costume for this? Do I sculpt it? Do I try to draw it? etc. Like I usually just have these aesthetic images, pictures of a person or an idea about something, and then from there I kind of have to decide how it would be easiest to make that idea tangible. Like with an environmental concept (underground cave home or something), do I draw it? do I try to make it in the sims? do I learn 3D art stuff and create the environment that way? etc.?
So I think my makeup is inspired by my art, and everything else I do, because really they’re kind of all the same thing? I rarely get an idea where it’s like, the ONLY way I could express this concept is by doing a costume. So of course my sculptures look like my sketches which look like my makeup or etc. because the base concept is pretty much always interchangeable between them, if that makes sense? I usually just choose whatever I choose based on what would be easier. Like there are some makeups that were sculpture ideas first, but I just did a makeup because that would have been less complicated than sculpting the tiny parts of the look or etc. And as well, there have been some sculptures that would have been costumes but I don’t have the money or supplies to do something (like change my entire face shape with expensive special effects makeup or prosthetic noses and stuff) , so therefore sculpting it would be easier, etc. etc.
Anyway, yeah, I don’t really know what to call anything I do, it’s all just random ideas. Though in the very beginning some of my makeup was inspired by sculptures which were inspired by BJDs (sometimes.. having no money.. can be good for creativity... since you have to come up with your own alternatives to rich person hobbies lmao), but at this point it’s really just merged with everything else and is in the same hivemind idea cloud as my art and costumes and worldbuilding and etc. and they all are the same conceptually, just expressed in different mediums.
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-- 12. do you have any tips on how to do a boy style look? I really like the one that you do ^^ Thanks!! Really it’s just all about contouring the right areas on your face, I feel like I can’t offer much advice on this since I usually still look way more ‘’’’’’feminine’’’’’’ (i hate assigning looks/terms/etc. to genders and it feels gross but you know what i mean when i describe something as having typically ‘’’feminine’’’ or ‘’’’masculine’’’ connotation, etc.) than I would like (despite having some inherently “”masculine”” features?), so I don’t really think I’m able to look 'boyish’ enough in the first place. But when I do try, I mostly just make my nose look bigger (going around it in a light brown eyeshadow), my lips paler (dabbing concealer on them), sometimes I make my mouth wider (same light brown eyeshadow just barely at the corners of the mouth), my eyebrows thicker (just,, drawing them on thicker and in a heavier shape), and my cheekbones more pronounced (light brown eyeshadow on the part of my face under my cheekbones), and emphasizing my jaw bone (light brown eyeshadow all around jaw line).
Additionally posturing and angles can help, I usually take pictures from a downwards-ish angle because it actually shows my eyelids and makes my nose look smaller (when I look straight on, my eyelids kind of get covered by my brow bone, and my nose looks much bigger/wider), but with ‘’’’’’’’masculine’’’’’’’’’’’’ looks I usually do more straight on or slightly above pictures since it’s totally fine if i have a long nose and narrower eyes that are partially hidden by my bigg ol caveman eyebrow ridge lol.
It’s still really hard for me to determine exactly what would make me look more ‘’’’’’’masculine’’’’’ though so, I’m sure there are better tips out there on the internet and more you can do. It’s also going to depend on the facial features you’re starting with. Parts of my face are already angular and more easy to make look ‘’’’’’’’’masculine’’’’’’’ but then there’s also stuff like my lips, which are not really large by any measure but do like, protrude outward a lot?? like the size length + width wise is not very big but the amount they come out from my face is, so it’s often kind of hard to cover them with concealer as the outline and shadow of them is still usually very obvious, so etc etc. There are a lot of feature and face shape things that are really going to make it vary by person, and I’m not great at doing it anyway lol, so I mean, that’s all the advice I have and what I personally do, but whether it helps in your case would probably depend on other things like your own pre-existing facial features and etc.!! : U
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-- 13. I wasn't pay super close attention before but WOW you have SO lovely eyes!! lol I never ever hear that but thanks! I guess it’s like growing up around the whole ‘Blue and other colorful eyes are cool, brown eyes are boring’ thing. I just... never think about my eyes that way much but, they do look cool in the sun. Ideally I would still have weird fantasy eyes with star shaped pupils or something if I could lol. like.. Ice blue eye with star pupils and maybe some pink somewhere.. maybe like this or something (i drew this with my mouse quickly bhhbb i know it doesnt really look much like an eye)
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-- 14. I have a jacket like that too! I always have. This particular one I've had since I was like 14 and has been chewed on by my old pet rats. I'm autistic and ocd so that's *my* reason for not wanting to stop wearing my old pea coat to wash it. My moms so pissed it's old and faded and, like I mentioned, had very obviously been chewed up by the collar haha it's so bad thanks for sharing lol! ...relatable... yeah I think for me my OCD has the most to do with it, part of my compulsions are not being able to change out clothing because if i do (or do it the wrong way/don’t do certain ritual compulsions when doing it ) I’ll like curse myself or end up causing a catastrophe or etc. so i usually get used to wearing the same things over and over again and if I try to change them, like ‘oh, i’d love to wear this cool new skirt!!’ ocd is like ‘well actually if you don’t wear this same skirt you’ve worn the past 5 months *insert something horrible*’ and i’m just like
Which is why my clothes regularly literally disintegrate, especially my ‘around the house’ clothing, I do wash it when it needs to be washed but still I think most shirts and stuff weren't meant to be worn just about 24/7 for quite literally years with only temporary breaks to wash them in between. One of my outer shirts that I wear around the house is the worst, it was originally like a bright red cat print pajama shirt that was just a little big on me but not bad, and now it’s like, faded of color and the fabric has stretched and grown so thin that it’s now down to my knees and the sleeves extend like 8 inches past my hands, there’s currently a huge rip in the back and on one of the arms and the cuffs of both sleeves are being held on by literal webs of thread, which i regularly try to stitch back but because of how worn the fabric is it still always tears again lol.. It happens with my outer clothes to some degree but way way less since I’m unable to leave often and don’t stay gone that long usually but.. I will absolutely wear the same pair of gloves almost every time I leave my house for 5 years straight until they fall apart into dust on my hands
Or like also I need new pants to wear around the house and it’s funny trying to find something to wear in the interim when my Current One Good Pair are being washed because i just pull out pant after pant from my clothing box initially thinking ‘oh, that one looks good!’ only to hold them up and discover like, half an entire leg is torn off, massive hole where they tore in the middle (I usually keep wearing them and just put shorts over the pants to cover the hole but when the tear gets down to like, my knees, it’s like..‘okay.. this is a bit ridiculous..this isn’t even a pant it’s just a skirt now’), one where an entire leg is just split open like there is just a little flat cape of fabric where the leg should be, etc. Since I have rules about whether I can throw them away or not and have to do rituals while doing so, a lot of the old fallen comrade house pants still live in the hell box of disintegrating home wear so I’m constantly under the illusion that i own more wearable pairs of pants than I actually have lmao
Anyway.. I know it’s limited to probably certain mental illnesses and isn’t broadly applicable to all people but.. dare’st I say, part of Mental Illness Culture is having absurd habits revolving around clothing (whether it be wearing them way too long, having weird rules about disposing of them that are related to your symptoms, having a certain dress code you have to follow to be comfortable to appease your symptoms (like people wearing scarves in the summer to hide their neck due to paranoid of people attacking them) etc. etc. (I do all of these lol)).. we really are sometimes just Like That
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-- 15. I cover my nose down with my scarves and my eyebrows up with hats. I have a staring problem and I make eye contact with everyone. I am always thinking about how quickly I cannot fight back and then flee when someone attacks me . You and I dress in the same style too, except I only wear it in black. I come off as a frightening grandma I too, am a frightening grandparent .. squad... I’m the same with being permanently intensely on guard and constantly thinking about how I would harm or kill everyone around me or escape in a disaster scenario lol,, but I dont make as much eye contact since i usually just want to hide, I’m not sure if it’s the StPD or OCD or some unrelated like, misc symptoms but i seem to gradually just get less comfortable over time with like existing as a tangible entity, to the point that like, me just,, plain existing in the world is like.. ohgg.. people should not be able to look at or interact with me lmao, and it’s not like I think I look ugly or like, any sort of traceable reason I would want to hide it’s just literally just like, i should be an invisible magic force... why can people make eye contact with me... talk to me... exist around me.. please allow me to be an invisible incomprehensible being.. I just materialize to people I need to interact with and otherwise am nothing more than an imperceivable entity.. oohgg..
I don’t want to NOT exist though, I love existing and being able to do things and pursue hobbies and etc. If anything my problem is that I love existing TOO much (like on the exact polar opposite of not wanting to exist/wanting to die/etc.,, I find my life and existence SO incredibly important that I’m filled with anxiety and dread and paranoia every waking second of my life since survival is SO significant to me that I obsess over avoiding illness and danger and harm to a disabling degree lmao).. I think it’s more like, I want to exist but just be viewed in a non-existent way, I want to be able to interact with things but not be interacted with back, I exist as a complete entity but simply appear to be invisible, in a way that I’m basically free to do whatever I want and live life and be happy without having to concern myself with the worlds of others..? idk anyway lol, I’m the same except I don’t make eye contact with people because for whatever reason I hate the concept of people seeing and acknowledging me and eye contact kind of makes that more tangible? foul world why’st was I not born as a shape shifting mage boy... give me the power to be present yet unrecognizably abstracted in a cloud of mist rendering my presence incomprehensible by all other creatures
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-- 16. your whats in my bag is my favorite!! do you think you'll make an updated whats in my bag video or would it just be the same haha OHGGG maybe... I’m trying to get back into videos and have like, legit 8 or so that I’ve been meaning to post for a while, but it’s really a case of like, when you get used to not doing something for so long that trying to do it again is just weird?? Like.. I hardly ever post videos, so uploading 8 new videos out of nowhere just feels,, strange?? But I also do want to start making and uploading videos more often again so idk... Perhaps I can do things like this by request later!! Right now I just have to find a way to break the very initial weirdness of posting videos at all lol.. As usual I have things in a folder totally finished but they’re just sitting there due to some abstract weirdness I have about something lmao .. Hopefully though, I can pick up occasional videos again. Not anything scheduled or big, but just having the possibility open to like, share some cat videos or show a house I made in the sims or show my process of making a sculpture or etc. etc. I just want to get to a point where I don’t feel weird about it and then can post my like, casual video every month or so lol. And yeah, maybe I could do another bag one! I do have mostly the same stuff but I have added some additional survival supplies lol (i bought a foot long folding saw that was on sale online for like $12 and I was legit going to keep in in my bag along with a small axe but then I was like.. binch... what if I ever get bag searched somewhere.. even if I’ve done absolutely nothing wrong the poor librarian or thrift store worker is still going to be like ‘why the fuck do you have a folding saw and an axe??’ so I took them out in fear of making myself look suspicious,, but I do have other smaller new things lmao) , so it is slightly different now
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-- 17. hi! im so sorry if you've already answered this, but where did you get that white wig from? Ebay! Every wig I own with the exception of one is just from ebay, I just search a color and find the cheapest option lmao. I wish I could afford nice wigs from actual brands and etc. since they’d probably look better in photos and be better quality but for now it’s $10 wigs for me lol. If you ever see me wearing a wig just go to ebay or any similar cheap site and type in the color of the wig and sort the price from low to high and the one I bought is probably on one of the first pages lol
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-- 18. You're my favorite artist ever and I always show your art to all of my friends! I want you to be recognized for your art because it's really amazing and you deserve it! Thanks so much!! I always feel really awkward about people like, showing things to others or talking about me to other people (maybe related to the previous thing about wanting to not exist as a tangible concept, people talking about me like ushers my presence more solidly into the world lol) and etc. so it's always kind of strange to hear things like this but, I guess you kind of have to become comfortable with that if you're posting things publicly and etc. But, weird personal stuff aside lol, I still really really appreciate the sentiment and am glad you like it!! Best of wishes to you ~
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-- 19. will you be making any more youtube vlogs? Maybe?? I could vlog certain events or specific things, like if someone wanted to see something and requested I film the next time I make a costume or film a ‘day in my life’ sort of thing, but I don’t think I would do daily or weekly vlogs again just due to the amount of effort it takes and how I’m juggling so many other projects, I have to prioritize those instead (making games and music and writing endless paragraphs of worldbuilding and etc. all takes a long time), and going though video footage usually takes a while. Also due to worsening mental illness and etc. I don’t do anything anymore lmao (not that I ever did much to begin with).. weekly vlogs would just be like ‘hey guys welcome to my channel I fell asleep on the floor today after having a panic attack' lmao, like just weeks and weeks of not really doing anything particularly interesting except for grapple with my symptoms and desperately attempt to actually get some todo list items done somehow bhhbbbb.. ‘hey GAMERS welcome to my VLOG,, so it’s the 4th week in a row that I’ve had this small 2 hour long task on my to do list, and I think i’m ACTUALLY going to do it today, I was able to not spend 3 hours staring at a wall this morning so I’m off to a PRODUCTIVE START BABEY *jump cut to me sleeping on the kitchen floor next to a half eaten block of sharp cheddar cheese* *jump cut to 0.3 seconds of seemingly me screaming or something* *jump cut to me just zooming in and out on my unfinished to do list items*’
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-- 20. I really love the outfits that you put together! the colors and textures are beautiful. Do you have any tips for anyone whos interested in dressing more unique? I guess really just, pick out whatever you like? Or if I’m trying to think about the way that I dress myself like.. I guess I don’t really follow any rules (aside from the rules due to personal things like having to cover every inch of my body except for my hands and face (due to paranoia/mental illness) and having to wear extremely loose baggy clothing), so it’s hard to find tips since like, I can’t really pick out anything exceptional that I do?? I really just... pick up whatever I like (from the bins , which is where I get all of my clothes, explained here), I really don’t think much about what it will match with or what style it is or what subculture it would be or really anything about it, it’s mostly just ‘oh that’s a nice color!’ or ‘oh that’s a nice texture!’ and then I just get it lmao,, then once I’m home , I can just look at like, ‘oh these are similar colors these two things could go together’ or etc.
Also don’t be afraid to combine things that look like they would be weird or etc. As probably everyone knows I love pattern mixing and combining like stripes with floral print or other things, don’t listen to any rules or pay attention to what might be supposed to go together (coming from someone whom likes to wear toe socks with sandals, which I have been informed is A Crime lmao) or etc. just like... treat the articles of clothing individually stand-alone purely on a basis of ‘do i like this/does this make me comfortable to wear’ or not. Also it could help to define your aesthetic to determine a solid vision,, like I love A LOT of different aesthetics in general, but I do have my favorite colors and textures and patterns and I very clearly know what my favorite things are and what ideal look I would be going for, so that can kind of help too in determining whether to get something or not. I have a sideblog where I keep fashion things I like (link), and have also made custom style guide layouts like this (link) in the past, for examples, if you’re having trouble really developing a personal style or unsure what you like, maybe stuff like that could help.
Also if you’re only buying in stores, I would try to look for places similar to the bins and thrift stores and etc. , not only because you’ll likely save an incredible amount of money (like sometimes ONE SINGLE ITEM of clothing in a big store is $40, I can get an entire shopping cart like 50+ items of clothing for $40 at places like the bins, etc.) but also because often times they’ll have ““out of style’’’’ things, you know like, interesting little items that fit specific aesthetics and etc. Which I understand is not an option for everyone, so it’s okay if not, you can definitely find any aesthetic for the most part if you’re creative and try hard enough (like you could probably put together some form of cult party kei outfit just buying from a mall..you’d probably have to go to like 15 different stores and it’d cost like over $200 and may still look a bit plain due to not having access to like torn up fabric scraps and etc, but like it’s definitely doable and could still look great if you just find the right items in the right places) , but if it’s possible for you to go to places like the bins and etc., that could also help immensely, especially if the things you like are a bit like... Not Something That Would Be Carried In A Big Store , like a lot of the stuff I’m into lmao .
Oh yeah also don't limit yourself to only clothing, I regularly use fabrics of curtains and blankets and etc. etc. , there are a lot of other household items and stuff that can be incorporated, as long as it looks good it doesn't have to be actual clothing lol
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-- 21. hi! I asked you a question about your sandals and while back and you kindly answered me but I didnt see your response for a long time for some reason! I was asking you where you got your sandals. They're white and the bands are kind of puffy? I would take a screenshot but I don't know how to attach it. I really appreciate you taking the time to answerr my question! btw the characters you dressed up as reacently looked totally amazing! : ) Thanks so much for the compliment! sorry this is like, probably over a year after you asked this lmao, but uh,, just from ebay lol! By default assume most of my shoes, wigs, and tights are from ebay, where I just searched something like ‘red wig’ ‘white sandal’ or ‘cat tights’ and then chose the cheapest available option. Those are like the only three things that I can hardly ever find at the bins, so those are the ones I’ll actually occasionally go and get, like a pair of tights for $7 or a new wig once a year for like $15 or something. I don’t know any actual shops or whatever for those things since I don’t buy from them, you could probably find most of my stuff just like, entering search results on ebay and similar sites (not amazon though, they’re usually more expensive and bhh )
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-- 22. how do your white eyebrows? It depends, I usually use white eyeliner and just cake it on until it sufficiently covers my dark eyebrow hairs lol, then sometimes I put white eyeshadow over it to kind of add an extra layer, but i have some white facepaint from a grocery store halloween sale lmao and sometimes I use that too since it’s thicker and goes on more white pigmented than the eyeliner
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-- 23. i am so jealous of how handsome you are ahhh ohgg thmank you..even though I don't find myself that way and am kind of odd/offput about others ever implying I'm attractive or anything, I appreciate it!
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-- 24. are you on college? nope lmao, I’m currently too mentally and physically ill to handle going to work or school
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-- 25. how old are you? shapeshifting mage boys usually forget their true age after being alive a few centuries, I may be somewhere around 600 at this point though
(if you’re a minor asking for safety reasons, my non-joke answer is that I am indeed an adult and not another minor so if you feel uncomfortable interacting with or following people over 16 or over 18 or etc. then it’s fine to unfollow! I’m not like 35 or anything but I am like, out of high school age and etc., which I guess is important to know if that makes you uncomfortable or anything!)
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-- 26. YOU SHOULD PRODUCE MORE VIDEOS <3 OHggg i try .. I have such a backlog.. Like i think I mentioned in one of the answers above lol, it's just .. hard to get back into it after not doing it for so long, but I do really still want to make them occasionally! It’s not even that complicated it’s just, for some reason really hard for me to sit down and consistently edit things, and even when I do I get weird anxiety about publicly sharing stuff lol-
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-- 27. Have you ever considered doing the fantasy creature makeup as a business? Vague af source but I had seen people creating fantastical people on tv to basically wander around a fancy events, like live entertainment performers. They didn't really do much except like, be a tree nymph of w/e, but you could hire them and their services out for shows, receptions, photoshoots, etc. You have such a talent for it they're always so spot on ;A; Possibly! Thanks for the suggestion and the compliment!! I'm not really sure how well I would be able to manage any sort of business or anything since working with people can be pretty difficult for me given a lot of the different mental illness things, with my anxiety and paranoia and personality and everything, I think it's always going to be like, more complicated? It's not that I necessarily don't have the capacity to work, but just that the hyper specific conditions I would have to work under in order for my symptoms to not overly affect my ability to do anything are nearly impossible to work out in an average competitive workplace and etc. (which I think is possibly common, at least for people who are disabled due to mental illness and stuff, it’s not like we literally can’t EVER do something or are just 100% incapable, but more that we can’t do it constantly or consistently or in the exact manner or time limit or etc. that is required by the average workforce expectations. Maybe some days someone can ride the bus to work fine but others they wouldn’t be able to even leave the house, or would get to work late because of their symptoms inhibiting their ability to get ready or stay on the bus or etc. Maybe every once in a while being around a stranger wouldn’t make me paranoid and I’d feel relatively okay besides minor social anxiety, but other days under other unpredictable conditions, I’m walking everywhere grasping a weapon under my sleeve thinking over escape routes and ways I can use my environment to disable someone or evade them or etc. since everyone's obviously a dangerous criminal now for some reason,, etc. etc. )
Like I can't be around crowds, so if I could show up and do everything I needed to do 3 hours in advance and then hide away in the corner later or something, that would possibly work for me, but like.. legit nobody is going to comply to that lmao. Like if it were professionally acceptable for everyone to work around my strange quirks and symptoms, allowing me to walk away for a little while when the sensory input is too overwhelming, allowing me to show up 4 hours early, not requiring that I communicate with others or network at all, people being understanding of me having a different style of communicating/speaking than other people and not being rude to me about having hardly any eye contact and not expressing genuine emotion when other people are hurt or etc., ensuring I can be located close to an exit so I can always leave the event quickly if needed, allowing me to just walk away if something in the environment freaks me out, being able to call someone else in as backup to do things for me if something like that happens, etc. etc. then I could maybe manage stuff like working with others or doing things like that, but it's unreasonable to expect people to alter a schedule and etc. just so I don't have panic attacks when they could hire , literally anyone else who doesn't exist with the same limitation as me lmao.
But anyway, yeah, that's a nice idea!! I just don't know if I'd be able to work with a bunch of performers or have to travel to shows and stuff for them, especially since those are usually loud social environments, and it's unlikely people would be willing to put up with the Quirky Mentally Ill Persons' Special Requirements when they could probably find other people who don't need to show up 3 hours before anyone else arrives to the event to cry in the corner and insists on hiding their face and not speaking to anyone and telling everyone to keep the music very low lol.. I’d have to have an advisor or spokesperson or something to escort me around, like they can take care of the social and overwhelming things and network for me and explain/introduce me to people and stuff and then my only job is just coming in and doing some makeups and then hiding while my Professionally Hired Neurotypical Extrovert handles the rest lol.
Which is another reason why , though I may find it fun possibly to collaborate with or do stuff with people, I would try to avoid doing that on a serious project unless it was explicitly stated that they were okay with those sorts of things, since I would feel weird like signing up to do the costumes in someone’s Actual Legit Serious Movie and then being anxious and unable to work properly. I would probably limit helping people with things to only doing that for very close personal friends or something, and even then only on more casual types of projects lol. If I was ever on a legit movie set or something I would absolutely have to have a Professionally Hired Assistant or something to talk to people for me and make it less weird when I inevitably have to leave early because something has caused me to have a panic attack, since at least then someone is like, walking out with me lmao, like ‘well, guess we’re not doing this anymore since they probably won’t invite us back,, want to go get a sandwich or something?’.. lol but yeah, I mean I could see certain very very specific conditions or occupations where it would be okay to be how I am (like an author who works from home and doesn’t have extremely strict deadlines and isn’t required to do stuff like book signings in person, etc.), but for the most part a lot of careers like that wouldn’t be accessible to me at the current moment lol.
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-- 28. tbh you have so many kickin looks??? Where do you find all those cool lacy layer-y items? I've always wanted to give a similar style a try but I've never been able to find good stuff I get all my clothing at a place called the bins (explained here), but I think you could also maybe go to thrift stores depending on where you live. Also a lot of the stuff I use in outfits are like curtains and pillowcases and etc. so don’t be afraid to just pick up anything as long as it’s lacy and etc. whether it’s clothing or not lol
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-- 29. what sort of music do you like? lmao well it seems the original asker has since deactivated, I think this question was asked over a year ago lol, but idk I have had other people ask similar a few times so I will try to answer anyway !
I have a pretty scattered taste in music and I’ve tried to decipher what exactly the criteria are for me to like a song, which all I’ve been able to come up with is: ‘is complicated or has an interesting tune that I can listen to and break apart all the little pieces of it like a puzzle’ , ‘has trumpets or anything that sounds like trumpets’ and ‘is upbeat sounding at least in terms of background music (like maybe not the lyrics but the other parts of the music sound kind of happy or at least energetic)’ (I don’t really have many sad or slow or angry sort of songs that I like, even if the content is negative the beat may still be fast or etc) lol.
Also I don’t really have much of an attachment to music ( which I think is partially because of my mental illness and other lack of emotional response or attachment type things since I also find it hard to invest in other forms of media), so I’m certainly not big on like,, listening to it lol?? I don’t have like weekly playlists or listen to music in the background while I work on things, I don’t have any bands who have saved my life or gotten me through a hard time or whatever people talk about, and don’t have any celebrities I’m personally invested in or watch interviews with bands and I have never been interested in stuff like going to concerts or buying CDs , but I do enjoy music on a surface level and I especially enjoy playing instruments and making music as an activity.
Anyway though, because of this, most of the stuff I listen to is pretty basic like just random things that I heard on commercials or have been hearing since I was a child (one of my favorite songs is still ‘September’ by Earth Wind & Fire, which I heard on a commercial or something when I was like 7 years old lol), and I still really do love them, but I don’t devote like a ton of time to discovering new music or investing in the lives of band members or anything. I don’t know if I have the capability to be a ���Fan’ of something necessarily, I just have difficulty emotionally connecting to or investing any time in external sources (like celebrities, bands, movies, games, etc.). I listen to music by song, rather than by artist or genre (like, I’ll just hear one song on a commercial that I like and download that one song, but never look up the band or anything else,, whenever I’ve had music players that list ‘__ songs by ___ artists’ type stuff it’s always almost perfectly even (like 300 songs by 290 artists), I hardly ever listen to more than one song by the same group, and if I do then I guess I could classify them as a more ‘’favorite’’ band, but I’m not sure lol.. Anyway idk it’s all very scattered so I don’t entirely have a distinct type of music I really am super invested in ??
I do have a youtube playlist of songs I like, if that could maybe help as an example of what I find interesting to listen to?? though it’s really not my Favorite Songs, more just a list I use to keep random music in, like if I am on YouTube and a song is recommended to me in the sidebar and I watch it and like it then I'll add it to the list, or sometimes if I get distracted like looking up music for reference for writing I'm doing or something I'll end up adding a bunch of random of those songs in a row, etc. It's all music that I like the sound of obviously since I added it to the list, but it’s arranged entirely randomly and is more just like, the equivalent to bookmarking something in your browser, just random music I come across on youtube or elsewhere over the course of months and add to the list for future reference since it sounds good to me. Though the one genre that I think is probably missing would be chiptune (or like, video game sounding) music, since I have a lot of that in my personal music collection but like never come across it on youtube in videos that are recommended to me, so the playlist probably paints a more Music That Is Available On Youtube-centric view of my taste, though I would say it’s still pretty accurate besides leaving off some less common stuff like chiptune and etc.
For the sake of sharing I did try to edit it and drag a few of my kinda favorite ones up to the top, though they're still not in any particular order (like the number one song is not necessarily my ultimate favorite song, etc. ) but the top 15 or 20 or so are more significant than the others i guess? , though I think there are some other ones i like a lot still scattered around the middle and bottom of the list that I didn't catch or etc. I couldn't be bothered to actually organize the whole thing lol
((Additionally, before giving a link, I wanted to specify again that I'm not super into music so I don't look up any of the musicians or anything. Some of the things on the playlist could possibly have problematic content or other things and some of the musicians may be bad people, I have no idea,, but if so, me having it on my dinky youtube reference playlist is not condoning their actions or song content,, I don't provide them with publicity since I literally never talk about music with others and I don't have the money to pay for music or give financial support to artists to begin with, so because of that I'm pretty loose about just not really thoroughly examining a song and the person who created it and just casually adding it onto the playlist during a late night youtube browsing session as long as I think the beat sounds cool or I like the melody (or you know, like I feel l can be more carefree about that sort of thing since it's not like I'm providing actual benefit to anyone. If I was going to actually financially support or publicly promote an artist I’d absolutely examine their lyrics and personal attitudes and etc. ahead of time but with stuff like a casual private playlist which i'm only making unlisted for a brief time so I can share it in this one specific context, I’m not as discriminating about what i add) .
There are some of course that I enjoy artistically or respect the lyrics of due to the content or etc. (though still mostly none I personally relate to since I’m an alien who doesn't experience a majority of things people make songs about (romance, attraction, close personal bonds, parties, social things, etc. lol)) but, just for a majority of songs I haven’t investigated deeply so idk! I'm just not fully aware of the content of every single playlist item, so I didn't want there to be some inappropriate shit that I was unaware of and you assume that I agree with or condone it. If it was super obvious I would avoid it (like a song where the chorus is about supporting genocide or something ) but since like 50% of the songs are ones I’ve only listened to once or something, there could definitely be minor stuff I'm missing so I just wanted to be clear like, if the person who wrote a certain song on the playlist is abusive or awful or something I obviously don’t condone that and was not previously aware of it since I rarely ever look into artists or even know their lyrics, music is not a very big part of my life and I never discuss it with others or look into the personal lives of musicians or etc. so I’m just afraid of there being some like, secret bad thing I don’t know about and people assuming I’m okay with it because I carelessly added a song to a private playlist at 4am one day and never revisited it again or etc, so I guess in true I Am Incapable Of Not Rambling About Everything Fashion I had to write an entire disclaimer about it bhhh ))
but anyway, the link is below if that helps finally answer the few people who have asked about my music taste lol,, it’s mostly like, old disco sort of music and fast paced or interesting classical music with some random things and old hip hop type stuff and video game music thrown in lmao.. I don’t usually look through it but since examining it before posting it’s actually kind of funny as you can tell like.. ‘oh there’s like 10 violin songs in a row I guess they got lost down that youtube rabbit hole one day.. right next to it there’s 10 kirby game soundtracks ... hmmm’ , like you can see a clear pattern usually of ‘obviously clicked on a recommended video and then kept going through more recommended videos of the same type’ since the videos mostly appear in giant block sections of similar videos lol... again.. very scattered all over the place..
I know nothing about music and don’t listen to it often so I always feel weird talking about it, like if you were asked to write an essay on a school subject that you had no experience with aside from occasionally reading a magazine article about it once a month or something lmao,.. I feel the faint societal expectation to have a favorite band or be constantly discovering new cool bands or know a lot about celebrities and genre names and musical terms and be into musicians like everyone else is, but idk.. it is what it is.. I just like some songs I heard on commercials in elementary school and some random stuff youtube recommends me and that’s about it, sorry if my taste is not super professionally developed or showing extreme knowledge of obscure music or etc. etc. lmao, I’m just a boring olde hermit who listens to basically literally the exact same stuff I liked when I was like 9 years old and never branches out from that.. idk why anyone would expect anything more lol
www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPmQ4SZdFFHMouwB79rvjhwdEmk_lVpU7
i’ll make this private again soon but for now.. the playlist is unlisted just to show an example for the ask I guess, but again, not a whole and thorough representation of everything I like.. just a .. ‘here’s my songs I’ve clicked on while procrastinating things and watching youtube videos at 4am for the past year’ compilation bhbbb.... idk why it’s so stressful for me to talk about music lmao,, I guess because it’s something so many people take extremely seriously as a big part of their lives (like will legit drop friends over it, entire social groups are formed around it, it’s held as a pivotal core of identity for some people, etc.) and since I can’t relate to that I’m afraid of it coming across as weird, like if I don’t emotionally invest or know about it to the same degree then I shouldn’t be allowed to listen to it in the first place or something? or that I’m not enjoying music they deem ‘cool’ or meeting their own personal standards therefore now they have a negative perception of me over it and will attempt to confront me about it? idk.. I’ve known multiple music snob types in my life though so it could be due to that as well lmao like.. residual fear of people coming after me over something I harmlessly listen to like once every two months and don’t even invest deeply in yet am getting made fun of over because I’m not an Elite Skilled Music Knowledge Professional Whom Only Listens To The Most Obscure Of Music bhbhbbb... like usual I just have such low energy to expend on things I think the thought of opening myself to criticism from strangers who are music majors or hipsters or something is like.. bbhbhjrbh .. i jost want to sleep.. let me browse classical music at 2am even if I’m unsure of the Objective Professional Merit of it if I want to... it’s not.. bigg deal.. listening to the sims 2 soundtrack on repeat does not define me as a person.. please... ohhgggg
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-- 30. ur the most interesting person i've come across on this hell site!! i love ur outfits and your fantasy stuff :0 / 31. your work and just you in general are so so inspiring and amazing thank you for gifting us with your thoughts/ideas/general existence! much love
Just two more compliments included since I also wanted a spot to talk about how nice it is when people say they're inspired by me and stuff!! I really appreciate that. I know inspiration can be really fleeting and weird and it can be hard to work without it and everything, so everyone who says stuff like that about aspects of myself being interesting or inspiring or whatever I think that's really good, if I can really help people in that way. It’s cool to know I can have a positive influence of some form even if that’s never my goal or anything lol.
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-- 32. Yo i just found ur blog n i saw that u posted a thing abt liking worldbuilding and stuff, but not really storytelling. have u thought abt getting into games like dungeons and dragons (unless u arleady are lol)? I'm pretty new to it but I'm sure people would be interested in just getting a cool and detailed environment and in their own adventures in it, or at least I would haha. Idk i've seen big team project w heavy worldbuilding so u might wanna check that out yeah I have looked into it kind of!! if I ever find an actual friend group in my area (it’s hard for me to speak to people over text due to a lot of things so it works better for me to focus on having in person friends. I know i can find online people but that’s so so hard for me since text communication takes so long i need to be able to talk to someone face to face or phone etc. etc. and skype scares me lol) I wanted to do a game or whatever, but since I dont work or go to school, of course that’s impossible to find people to hang out with lol.
But I have also looked into maybe just making stuff for other people like you mention, however I would need to learn a lot more about it like, what that entails and etc. Since if I ever did a game with friends, I was planning on abandoning most rules and really just having it focus on character interactions and collective world-building like, maybe there are a few rules and some loose structure, but definitely nothing like character stats or actual point keeping or etc. and it’s more like.. idk.. I would want the group to come dressed up and we act out things that happen, etc. I’ve done similar acting sort of stuff with various groups from like early childhood through high school, so I would want to bring in elements of that, where I guess the ‘’game’’ would be less of a game and more similar to just an improv acting group in full costumes kind of LARPing around the house with a fantasy theme, only with a few light rules and game elements borrowed... basically just people dressed up (we could have group costume making nights and stuff!) walking in a circle or whatever while I make up environmental things on the spot and occasionally rolling a dice that hardly determines anything except on occasion providing direction through alternate branches of action or determining the next direction we walk in or etc. (or even just like use a random number generator to determine stuff, like if it’s 1 then we have to go left and X thing happens there, or if it’s 5 such and such event changes, etc. Game mechanic stuff would exist more solely as a device to bring an element of randomness and forced improvisation, not as a way to determine actual stats or the damage of an attack or outcome/success of an action or etc.)),,
But anyway, with making anything like environments for people who are not my friends that are all in on whatever random idea I’ve had, I assume I would actually legit have to know all the rules and etc. of what I’m making stuff FOR, and fully understand commonly used game mechanics and such so that the environment or whatever can fit correctly,, so it’d probably be a bit different and would take a lot more looking into. When you’re doing something for a wider audience then you can’t just throw all the established rules out the window and do whatever lol. I like the concept of the loose fantasy acting focused rp thing I mentioned doing with a small group of close friends, but when it comes to like, actually having to write real rules and understand established games in order to create environments that work with them and etc., it starts to seem more tedious and dragged down to me.
I would definitely be interested in doing it though if I was working with someone who had extensive experience with actual role playing games, so I could mostly provide world details and info and do all the background work and etc. and then they could just step in every so often like ‘oh actually you can’t have that we’d have to modify it this way’ and they could kind of guide me in insuring the background details I’m making are game-applicable and fit within accepted structure, instead of me just trudging through game handbooks and stuff on my own when I’m just not really passionate about learning that side of things and would rather focus merely on creating than becoming extremely familiar with systems I probably won’t use in my daily life lol. I would just feel weird making content for something when I hardly even know the most basic things about it. So I mean, yeah something like that sounds very extremely fun to work on and something I would absolutely love do if the circumstances were right, but I wouldn’t be able to do it on my own without someone else who could add base knowledge of the subject that could allow me to take full focus on just creating and developing details and stuff while they double check and direct stuff in regards to what rules have to be followed and etc. lol
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-- 33. what paint do you use to paint your sculptures? just random acrylic paint, I started out with (and still use) a cheap acrylic paint set from walmart that looks something like this
but now I also usually buy little bottles like these
since I use larger amounts of paint and etc. lol
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-- 34. You've probably never been asked about this before but what kind of camera do you have? i've been researching since I'm looking to buy one finally and I really like your photo quality ohggg, really?? You’re right i haven't ever been asked that lmao ,, i used to use a use a little $130 waterproof green camera, but with tax return money a few years ago I got a “Sony a5100 16-50mm” (I’m assuming, from my google search of the stuff written on my camera, the pictures seem to match lol.. But I don’t have the original box or anything.. I’m fairly confident it’s that one though) which i use now. I think was only like $500 , which is still a hellish amount but I plan on it hopefully lasting like the next 10 years or something, and compared to other cameras bhh, some of them are like $1000 so idk i think it’s still a pretty okay deal , it works well for $500.. Though the main reason I bought it was just because it was one of the only ones I saw in the store that had decent quality, wasn’t like $606000000 , and also had a screen that flips back to the front of the camera, which was a must for me since I have to be able to see what I’m doing, especially if I’m filming or something.
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-- 35. Hi I was just wondering where those yellow sandals from the blue apron outfit are from? They're really cute all m’shoes from ebay babey
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-- 36. Fun fact: Everything you post is great. Your clothes, your creations, literally everything about you is absolutely beautiful. I love your text posts as well, like when you just say random thoughts?? Just -- this whole blog is ten outta ten. Thanks so much!! It really is double important to me when people mention liking my text posts and random thoughts and etc., since those are the ones I feel people generally care less about but that are also most realistic I guess? Like I obviously still appreciate it when people like my costumes and such, but that's such a small and far removed part of who I am, the closest thing to any semblance of my real personality*** would be like text posts and rambles in the tags and stuff, so in a way people saying they appreciate that is kind of more meaningful, since though all online expressions are inherently fake as hell in some way, those would probably at least be the truest and feel like a more accurate representation of me than just 'ohb preddy makeup person' lol, if that makes sense? It’s nicer to hear people appreciating something when the thing is closer to your actual self, or whatever?? idk lol
(*** which is obviously still imperceiveable through online medium, we just feel like we know people by observing their content but it's only a partial fraction snapshot that can never come anything close to a real human being, no matter how many podcasts you listen to or posts you read or videos and interviews and etc. you watch you'll never truly deeply know that individual as an actual person, as anything other than an imagined group of traits they’ve projected or abstract ideas they’ve conveyed that you’ve assembled in your mind, along with the assumptions, ideas, and personal significance that you’ve projected onto them since they don’t exist as real or tangible enough in relation to your actual life for those constructions to be really proven or disproven, etc. etc. etc. So like of course nobody can really know me unless they actually, legitimately interact with me consistently in daily life and see me doing mundane things in varied observable scenarios and know actual details about the more subtle aspects of who I am as a person to get a fuller picture. All online identity has an inherent falseness to it no matter how forward and honest the people are, you’re still always going to be missing elements of their story merely due to them being impossible to observe over this sort of medium, etc. etc. Idk!! I just don’t want anyone to think at any point that they could read my posts and like, have that be a concrete All You Need To Know about the ins and outs of my personality, I think we often do this with like online creators and etc. and assume that because we’ve formed a false closeness or perception of identity around them that we must Actually Know Them or etc. so any time I mention something online as representative of ‘my personality’ or something I just want it to be known that I’m not implying that these things would be actually a good way to Know my True Personality, more that they’re just, probably some of the most realistic depictions, yet still by nature meaningless in the broader scheme of conceptualizing me as anything more than a half person viewed through a constricted social media lens. I am very honest about myself and etc. online but on a grander scale, it doesn’t mean much, since an authentic understanding will always be inherently inaccessible, but it is at least nice to have people who appreciate the more realistic expressions, regardless of All That lol )
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-- 37. all your concepts are so good?? and i love reading about them?? the amount of worldbuilding you do has me shaking in my boots Thank you!!! Very similarly to the question directly above, people appreciating worldbulding concepts and etc. is much more meaningful since it’s so significant to me as a person. Costumes and art and such are obviously still important to me, but I guess worldbuilding things feel closer to myself since it's one of the activities I enjoy a lot more and spend much more time on but often don't share as much. So to have people appreciate that of all things is extra meaningful, since again I think like, ‘silly nerd that spends 90% of their time thinking about fantasy realms’ is a much more honest representation of who I am than like, ~~otherwordly costume makeup fashion person~~ lmao, I could probably be both, but I guess it just feels like a more authentic part of myself is being appreciated since 75% of my waking lifetime I'm sitting at home in dirty torn up clothing having not brushed my hair in 8 weeks with no makeup on pacing back and forth talking to myself about elves or something lmao. Maybe if my real life were more, dressed up and fancy and nice and stuff I would feel a bit more kindred with Being A Person Who Does Makeups And Stuff And Having That Be Primarily What I'm Appreciated For, but,, I'm a wide variety of things and probably a mentally ill world-builder hermit first and foremost before any of the other things I do (as that being in some way part of my life since like... I was 6 years old lol),, so idk!! hopefully that makes sense!! I just appreciate it a lot that the more obscure yet also more personally valuable parts of myself can be appreciated by others as well. I guess like anything that people spend a lot of time on but generally get less recognition for, especially if it’s something that they see as personally significant to themselves or something they really enjoy investing time in, it’s always going to be extra special to have people care about that thing lol
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-- 38. You should work at Hollywood! you could totally be a concept artist for wardrobe and makeup for a fantasy or post-apocalyptic movie. I really enjoy all of your work! Thanks for the compliment! maybe lmao, I think it would be hard to do any job like that, even putting my aforementioned inability to work and functioning issues aside, I also just find it hard to invest in things I don't care about??? So like, I would want to be only doing a very specific aesthetic, and I'm pretty sure they don't let you do that right off the bat lmao, like if you're coming in with 0 experience and no connections, especially with how competitive creative fields often are, I feel like you'd kind of have to take whatever work you can get and wouldn't be able to just be like, "oh yeah uh,, I only EXCLUSIVELY work on these five types of aesthetics?? I just cant do anything else!" because they'd just be like “fine bitch we’ll hire someone else more adaptable, you don’t yet own the right to be picky and you don’t know shit” lol..
Like I would want the freedom to pick and choose and exclusively work within the confines of the few aesthetics that i find most interesting or inspiring, and I feel like especially as someone who would be new to it and etc. people would see that as like ‘.. no.. take what you can get you fool.. once you get some status in this field and stuff THEN you can start to be picky and known for a certain unique style and etc. but you cant just show up doing that you uncooperative unadaptable noob freak’ .. But yeah so since it’s so hard to stay motivated on things if the idea isn't fascinating to me in some way then like.. I just.. wouldn't be able to do that lol... That’s another reason I don’t think I could do commissions or anything like, if I hated the aesthetic or the idea then I just wouldn't be able to work well on it or stay productive, I have enough functioning issues as it is, me absolutely having no interest in doing something would only make it 10000000x harder to overcome that, and the result would likely suck bhhb
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-- 39. i like how thorough you are. your passion about the things you are talking about shows through. a lot of people just shorten their thoughts esp online bc theyre worried about seeming long-winded, but then you dont get the full picture you know? as someone who likes reading and researching and worldbuilding, i totally enjoy your stuff. but as someone who also writes big paragraphs all the time, i get how frustrating it is to feel the need to .. keep elaborating. we just cant resist lol
Thanks so much!! Yeah at a point I've just stopped caring.. though I do often feel the need to try to reign myself in, I think I just naturally communicate kind of differently from others in a very deeply ingrained way, since no matter what alterations I try to make or how much I try to cut down my speech or something it's like I just literally don’t process stuff any other way and can't even conceptualize an alternate form of communication, so I think at a point you just have to come to terms with that and adapt around it.
Like I never never text people and make sure all of my friends are okay with calling me or just talking to me in person instead because especially on a touch screen phone where I'm already pretty inhibited because I cant use the screen as fast as I can type on a physical keyboard ( and I generally type pretty fast on a physical keyboard ( I just took a typing test and it said 78 words per minute but that’s really hard since I have to read the text and copy it (I don’t place my hands correctly, I just peck around the keyboard by memorization, so copying text is like frantically looking back and forth lol) , I would assume when typing words off the top of my own head it’s probably closer to 90 or 100 or something.. on a phone screen I probably do fuckin.. 30 words per minute or something bhbhbb) it can take me like 2+ hours to reply to a single text, especially since I usually have to break them up into parts due to the length and etc.
Which is another reason I require only in-person friends , because having long distance friends, especially ones who only communicate over text is just HELL like its just too long,. I cant spend 5+ hours or more a week just typing to someone , especially when I know if we just talked on the phone I could express all the exact same things in legit half the time, . I know it's contrary to most people with severe social anxiety but really for me its just so much easier to communicate on the phone or in person, even if I hate it more socially, it's such a huge time saver and so much simpler for me and everyone I talk to lol. No matter how fast I type it still often takes me 2 hours to reply to simple conversations since I just type, SO MUCH.. bhb
But yeah back to the main point, there are a lot of things in my life that I've had to kind of adapt around the way I communicate but, I don't think it's very changeable so I just do my best to embrace it and work with it lol! I'm glad that you appreciate it and that there’s others of us out there who have to include 5000 details and side tangents and etc. and are typing a full novel’s length of words in every single mundane thing they ever say lol
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- -- 40. whats the story of your url? lol, the current reasoning behind my url is basically like, Earth, Wind & Fire is one of my ‘‘favorite bands’‘ (I reference more about my relationship to music and not really having favorite bands and etc. in one of the questions above), so the whole “ ___ ____ and ____ “ format of my url was taken from the band name lmao.. I added Ice just because of my eternal love for cold stuff and snow and I love icy colors since white and blue are my favorite colors and etc. I kept wind because I just... focking love wind and the feeling of wind, especially cold chilling wind with ice particles in it that sting your face.. ohg.. my favorite to be outside in.. . And then ‘Boring Horror’ is a song by some old band (or musician??) I used to like named gobble gobble, who i think is now called born gold?? I dont keep up with their music anymore or know anything about them and honestly didn't know much about them then. I just really liked the term 'boring horror' (entirely removed from the context of the song since idk what the context is..I like sounds and rhythm and can appreciate some music lyrically sometimes but that’s about it, I literally never research artists or look up and read lyrics or have deep connections to music or etc. so I actually have no idea about this person or the lyrics of the song or what the phrase is supposed to mean). I have no idea what the songwriter really meant by it, I just thought the wording 'boring horror' was cool because I like the idea of mundane but horrible things and to me, the phrase alone personally brings to mind like the idea of being terrified of very mundane things, like that boring daily things can be just as horrible as anything else, especially with me having ocd and severe anxiety and paranoia and etc. Additionally I find myself fairly boring generally but aspects of horrible things have shaped significant parts of my personality, so in a way I could be described as both boring and horrible as well as afflicted by boring horrors lol.. So that was the full original reasoning.
But like... it's long.. and also i don’t want to be associated with this born gold or whoever that person is just because forever years ago i liked the wording of a phrase from a song i don’t even actually know the lyrics to lmao... like what if they turn out to be a big racist or something? Idk I never like to associate myself with real people who can make mistakes and etc. because there could always come a time that I need to revoke the association and then that’s more complicated than necessary and etc. I would love to change my URL but that’s also a lot of work like.. I’d have to go change the links to everything I’ve ever linked to and etc. etc. But even if I change it, idk what it would be... i could use the lucalicatte url that I've been keeping and be very practical about it.. stay consistent just being ‘lucalicatte’ everywhere.. OHHG.. i could make it something in.. avirrekava.. or just foolish like GourdOrc .....VampiricCheesePlatter.... hBBBB... I like the avirrekava idea since it is my own constructed language and thus seems more like, cool to make things in.. Like a private language just to myself that I can use to name stuff or etc. But overall idk... I do definitely want to change it at some point, I guess I just have to wait until I have the physical energy to deal with changing all of my links and stuff lol.. and decide between surrealist fantasy nonsense names and actual serious ones
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-- 41. Hi i was wondering, what do you use for your gold highlights, and where do you buy elf ears? (it's totally okay if you don't remember too, don't sweat it) I have some LA Colors gold eyeshadow that my cousin got me from the dollar store, I think they still sell it. That’s the only gold thing I have so I use it for all of my gold stuff lol. Elf ears are from ebay, I mention stuff about them in more detail here (link)
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-- 42. i feel like i relate to u so Much an i wish i lived closer an we could b friens also you inspire me i'm sorry,, idk donot be snorry, this is a nice aske ,, best of wishes to you friemb
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-- 43. Hey! I really love ALL of your looks so much and i've wanted to buy a wig for a long time and I was wondering where you got your long powder blue one? Thank you!!! Thanks so much for the compliment!! That one I actually think I got from like... whatever that place was lmao.. Gothic Lolita Wigs or something? It’s like legit the only wig I have that I actually spent money on, I think it was like $40 or something, but I got it probably about 7 years ago so I’m sure they may not carry that exact one anymore. It’s like curly with detachable pigtails, so if they did still have it you’d be looking for one like that.
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-- 44. hi! i love ur fantasy identity generator i got some really cute ones ad but i'd just like to know how you made it? i've been wanting to make one of my own for awhile now Ahhh, thank you so much! But actually I am not sure if I could offer much advice lol, as I had no idea what I was doing! I had never made anything from scratch like that before (like just starting with a totally blank page that has nothing on it then using html and etc. to make something be on it lol), so mostly I just followed tutorials, like legit it was just a process of “here’s what I need to do next… don’t know how to do that…*googles the thing*.. *follows tutorials/forums/examples*.. okay, that’s done.. here’s what I need to do next.. don’t know how to-” etc. repeat lol
The only advice I could give is that if you’re unsure what you’re doing (like me lol), try to get the base stuff working first,, since you’ll probably be changing things around a bit.. Like writing out all the different list items to be generated was the last thing I did, because I didn’t want to have all this text written and ready to use but have no idea how to apply it. I wanted to have the solid structure of ‘click button and it generates thing randomly’ first so I didn’t get ahead of myself (like if you drew a bunch of images for a game or something before even looking at how you’d have to structure it and then once you get in you realize all the images will actually have to be totally different for the layout to work and you did all that for nothing, etc.). I pretty much always follow the ‘figure out all the base mechanics you would need for a thing to work and make a smaller simplistic version of it first before adding additional details’ rule when making anything, since it helps especially if you’re doing something you have zero experience in, or if it’s something big (like a game or etc) where you can’t afford to mess up on simple core basics later in the process.
But yeah I’m really not qualified to talk about this! I have no idea what I'm ever doing and pretty much no experience with html and stuff, but if it helps, this is pretty simple to do (at least compared to like, other things I’ve seen where I stumble upon a tutorial and legit can not even read half of what it says because I don’t even understand the very basics required to grasp the simplest concept or term definitions, like really complicated javascript or some shit lol), it’s legit just four (or however many options you want to generate) buttons you have to figure out and then write some list items and then css to customize. Just start somewhere and then google whatever you need along the way (like at the beginning I just googled something like ‘html random generator tutorial’ or etc., then just keep looking around as needed), good luck!
Additionally, you don’t have to make it yourself, I can’t remember why I chose to do it that way lmao, but there’s also places like this -
http://www.generatorland.com/default.aspx
where I think you can just make a generator through their site. So that could be helpful as well!
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-- 45. sewing stuff out of scraps and turning stuff into other stuff would be cool to watch, really cool! maybe a process video of scrap sewing, like, "i'm gonna do that thing now", and then filming how the Thing is done, explaining takes a lot of braining but it would be coooool thanks! I’ll keep it in mind! I have like half made similar videos before but I always delete them before editing because i dislike the footage or end up hating what I’ve made lmao, but maybe I’ll try again! I do want to make videos more often! Thanks for the support and the idea suggestion!!
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-- 46. hi luca, i wanted to know if its okay if others can draw your species? giving credit of course Hmm, I guess maybe it would depend? I haven’t fully established like, what my stance on other people participating in my worlds or using my ideas should be yet, but for the most part I think like, it depends on what exactly you're doing. maybe something like-
- If you're just drawing something: give credit to me somehow and also possibly show it to me so I can be aware you’ve even drawn it, and just don’t use my species in anything like racist propaganda art or something (idk how that would even be applicable (”you know what this racist poster needs??? some art of elf boys”) but, you know what I mean lol..)
and then for anything more detailed than basic art it would depend as well like..
-If making OCs that exist in my world/are members of my species or etc: you specifically must ask for permission and credit me, and also I guess maybe like, talk to me a little about it?? just so I can make sure that you're still following the lore (since I have some worldbuilding stuff I haven't posted about yet, it's possible you could make a character that like, actually wouldn't be possible to exist given world rules I didn't explain yet, so maybe just checking with me ahead of time to make sure the character is lore friendly and stuff (and also that you're not using it in a fucked up way , like 'here's my OC from your world they're a 12 year old dating a 40 year old and also I use a lot of harmful ableist tropes on top of promoting pedophilia" i'd probably have to like.. withdraw permission or something lmao since uh,, Bad..), mostly just like “oh I’d like to have a character who is a Verrucalt but they’re not magic” or etc. and then I’d have to be like “well, that doesn’t really exist, but maybe tell me why you wanted that to be a thing/what conflict it was supposed to create in the character and then perhaps I could find a lore-friendly solution that could have a similar effect, such as a curse that inhibits them from using most magic or etc. etc.”, just checking with me for world detail stuff ahead of time
- If writing stories set in my world or involving my species, etc: basically the same as above except a little more intensive (bigger emphasis on getting explicit permission and speaking to me a lot about it before hand, this one is probably reserved only to close friends or like.. very very trustworthy seeming strangers who have spoken to me about their idea at length), since with an entire long form story there would be a lot more chance to stray from established world rules or do things that break immersion/ deviate from lore to the point that it's like, you might as well not even use this setting if it's so different from how it actually is (or you know, I would think the entire point of setting your book in the world of another person is, because you enjoy the world and it’s rules, otherwise you might as well just make your own world,, so then in that case I would think sticking to the established way the world works and stuff is a Main Goal).. So again, probably just ask permission and DEFINITELY credit me (especially if you’re publishing it somewhere) and talk to me in depth about the details, you could even ask me like 'is this something that could happen?' or etc. and I'd be happy to have discussions with you or whatever and explain what could or couldn't happen or if a certain type of magic could be used in the way you want to use it in your story or etc. , so just usual maintaining internal consistency in the world and stuff type things (and again, don’t use my world/characters/species as props in your gross abusive/racist/etc. stories or shit like that lol, that’s also part of asking permission, though obviously I can’t control everything everyone does and some stuff could slip through the cracks, I can at least attempt to ensure my ideas are not being used harmfully or to cause harm to other people)
((oh yeah and I don't think anyone gives a shit about my OCs , but that would be the only exception in terms of drawing stuff. You definitely still could still draw them (especially if I start making actual stories or games or etc. with them, I would have to be a bit looser about this) but unlike the vague species drawings and stuff, I would ask that you get permission before drawing OCs, just again, for the sake of internal consistency thing.. the idea of seeing someone like, draw an OC in something they 100% wouldn't wear or them doing something completely out of character is weird, so that is the only case of drawing things where I may ask you to check with me first if it's okay, since like, with a random species member (as long as you don't show like Ythrili watching a modern TV or things that are super lore inconsistent) there's really not much you could do incorrectly, there's no established information about this random person, they're just some made up idea you're drawing, but with OCs there ARE established details about them and etc, so then you could have to attempt to be faithful to that.. but again.. non issue.. nobody knows about them since I never actually draw them lol.. but just IN CASE..))
And then idk, I can’t think of many other applications than that or other ways people would want to use my stuff, if you're unsure just ask!!
BASICALLY TLDR the main idea is just like, my world is still a closed world and isn’t really open for everyone to use concepts from or draw or etc. , but there are varying levels to that, and under certain conditions I would allow people to use elements of that in their own work and etc.,, it would just require prior permission and mildly extensive conversation to make sure the concepts check out, and really is only an option among people who seem trustworthy and who actually care deeply about this sort of thing and are similar to me in their attention to wanting to stick to the details of the lore and have everything be consistent and etc. So, current status is like.. ‘Not Open To Collaborations/ World Is Closed (Except In A Few Tiny Specific Scenarios Among Friends Or Reasonable Strangers Or Etc.)’ .. And again, my stance on this is subject to change, it’s kind of a hard thing to really conceptualize , but currently this is at least kind of my feelings on it. I want there to be internal consistency in my world and for the concepts to not be used for harm, but additionally I can see the benefit in opening things like this up to collaboration to other people, so I feel like I could let other people use the concepts, but just only under specific conditions and stuff and really only among people I am already familiar with or have spoken to about it enough that it they seem like a good personality match for allowing into my content (someone who also likes to stick to established details, unlikely to treat the world carelessly, etc.).
BUT!! as far as just drawing stuff goes (which is significantly less complicated than other ways to use the concepts), yeah, feel free to! Just make sure you give credit and don't draw anything morally shitty or incredibly inconsistent with what you know about the world, but other than that I'm 100% fine with people drawing my species or etc.!! Feel free to ask about anything as well, like if you wanted to draw a ythrili but were unsure if the coloring pattern you wanted to use existed among them or etc. etc. Just merely drawing things is way less significant or regulated than the other things you can do with content so, I really don’t mind people casually drawing my species or anything. That’s always fine to do as long as it follows the rules about credit and stuff.
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-- 47. what do you call your personal style or would you just describe it as a mash up of dolly, mori, and cult party kei? I’m not really sure! I used to sometimes call it ‘bright mori’ which is like, basically doing mori kei stuff but with more pastel and bright elements, like instead of browns and florals using light colors and whimsical stuff like star prints or etc. but, I don’t really have a name for how I dress currently, it is just kind of a mix mash of things? My main aesthetic is defined in this post ‘here’ (link) , idk what the name for it could be though lmao..
Maybe something like ‘Cloudstyle’? or something lol (since idk, clouds are light and airy and whimsical but also are often represented in magical or fantasy themed imagery, which would represent the incorporation of historical fashion and fantasy elements and etc.) , but Cloudstyle also sounds like a weird shitty music genre so there'd probably be a better name incorporating the word ‘cloud’ if i actually thought about it longer than 10 seconds or etc. lol.. Or I could use Avirrekava,, ‘asejhudevyati’ being their word for style and ‘eyivi‘ being the word for cloud so like... eyivivyati (eh - yee - vee- vya- tee) or even Eyivati , or just Yiva for short (they often have like.. multiple ways of shortening words or multiple versions of the same words combined together) ,, but also I just don’t care to think about it that much or define it lol,
I feel like it’s kind of weird to name a style that only applies to you exclusively I guess?? like , maybe it’d be one thing if you and your friends all dress that way or like, many people already like to dress the same but just don’t have a cohesive name for it but like... wearing clothes that slightly don’t already fit into a distinct category and then deciding that you then must create one is like, not really bad I guess like it’s harmless and etc. but idk would just feel weird for me to do.. like as if I’m trying to take myself way too seriously or be really Official about it. Like the difference in connotation between “oh yeah idk I just dress however I want and stick to the themes I like” vs. “Aha, well actually this is my New Innovative Style and even though I am the only one who dresses this way it has an official name and is very important and distinct~” , etc. idk lol, hopefully you get what I mean? It just would feel almost, too serious to make a name for the way I dress when it’s like, something only I do?? That would be like, me enjoying to eat mustard on apples and despite literally not knowing anyone else who does this and it just being this little personal thing, I decide I have to claim it as it’s own unique cuisine category and make an Official name for the mustard on apples trend and etc. etc. Like unless other people were interested in dressing in my style and there was some sort of craftable cohesion wanted or etc, I could never see myself doing something like giving it a distinct name or making a list of actual rules for it or etc. I would just feel weird giving it that much significance if it’s only something I do, and not like a legit style other people have show interest in as well or something lol.. hopefully that makes sense??
But yeah, so idk what it’s called! I could think about potential names and etc for fun, but i would never legit name it or claim it as a thing without a legit reason to, since it would feel weird. So for now it’s just,, idk I dress however I feel like lol
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-- 48. your love for your cats is INSPIRING thank you so muche... they appreciate it
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-- 49. I really enjoy your style. How do you put together your outfits? Do you find most of it, or do you make it yourself? I get most of it at the bins (explained here). I only sew things occasionally, and it’s usually out of scraps I got at the bins, rather than buying fabric and making my own items entirely from scratch lol. And the way I put together outfits is honestly just, throwing things on the floor and seeing if they look good next to each other lmao, truly, I just spend a little while picking up things that look like they’d go with an item (I usually choose a central item that I’m matching everything else to, like a dress or tights or a scarf) and laying it down next to the Main Item on the floor and arranging them different ways, once it looks okay as an outfit I roll it up into a little fabric bundle and put it away to wear later lol
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-- 50. is there information anywhere about the language of your vampires? whenever you mention it in drawings and tags its interesting but i havent seen any bigger posts about it. sorry if i missed it i did check your blog before asking OHGGG bhh I know, I should probably actually write something about it but I haven't made any Actual Posts or anything.. i am just unsure where to start and I’m also still kind of like, I mean i guess you could consider the language ‘’done’’ in the sense that I could translate just about anything into it and etc. , but at the same time there’s still some stuff I feel I’m not confident in (like grammar structure, I know how the grammar in the language works but I guess it’s more just that I don’t feel I explored a ton of different options of grammar when researching for the language, so I feel like,,,, what if I find something I like more ? like what if i decide to change the sentence order or something lmao, and then that’d be weird if I already had a lot written about it, Some stuff I know I want to keep like I like the way verbs work and stuff, but other things it’s like, I technically have them worked out but I’m just not Confident in , if they really work okay or if I want to keep them that way so idk! it’s just weird)
But I do plan to do more with it, I have a few songs I’m writing in Avirrekava and I want to make a little animation to have an example of it being spoken, (I’m unsure what to use currently but I think maybe something simple like, some of my OCs live in Navyete and would technically natively speak Avirrekava (well I guess just Anaheire and Aki, Melon is still learning lmao.. I can’t think of anyone else who would know it) so I could maybe just have like.. one of them ordering something at a coffee shop or, something basic like that, just a little scenario I could do the voices for so I can have a short example of the language actually being spoken), also I would actually post things about it lmao, like, background info, I guess I just need to get more comfortable with it and be sure that I want to keep the way it is and get to a point where I’m fairly confident with the construction. Right now about 50% of it I think is good to keep and the other 50% is like... idk... it works, I can translate things into it, but maybe some stuff is still subject to change as I think more about it. (and also stuff like I need to write pronunciation in IPA or whatever and etc. which I just,,, don’t feel like taking the time to do lmao, but I probably Need To so people can actually have info on how to say the words and etc.)
But for now I can leave you with a few extremely important phrases :
Avu vavaenu vinadajaki vhire - I am (very politely) an egg. Avu slere'nhenavanu ti? Avu vanu vinadajaki erre! - Dare i say? I am an EGG!!!!!!!! Avu vanu vinadajaki ku.. - I am… probably an egg..i guess Avu vavaeri vinadajaki - I will be an egg. Avu slera'vavaena vinadajaki - I may not have been an egg.. Shyena avu vavaeka avaeda vinadajaki. Avu avuda vinadajaki, narraterre na'arra.. - After all this time, I am still not your egg. I (am) my own egg, you bastard... Terevaeri vinadajaki ara! - I command you to become an egg immediately!! Taru, ke vinadajaki - Hello, this (is) egg. Vinadajaki vanu jeneh ti ? - Why… is egg? Dya ba’vinadajaki nyava’unuvaeka… - At least eggs are not capable of murder
(sorry for a seemingly insane amount of V’s, I didn’t consider that the verb for being something (va) and the word for I (avu) and the word for egg (vinadajaki) all have like.. Vs in them, so any sentence formed around being an egg or etc. is going to just look like vevevvavve vevaeuva vevavevvavevvivivvaue when written in this english alphabet bbhbgbbg)
There.... now you can speak the language like a true native,, good luck communicating with the Avirre’thel... I’m sure they will appreciate your interest in the deepest and most important aspects of vampiric culture... (at least until I decide to change the entire structure of the language and these sentences are no longer valid lmao)
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-- 51. Your cat's 8th birthday post cheered me up SO MUCH!! thank you!! and also HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THEM!! They way you decorated everything is so pretty! I hope they had a wonderful birthday! ohgggg they did! sorry this has taken so long it’s already almost their birthday again lmao, but !! I’m glad.. always lov when people appreciate my sweet sweet boyes
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-- 52. have you looked into sensory processing disorder at all? your symptoms some very similar to mine and that's what i've got. (also hell yea being alone is The Best ) I’ve vaguely known of it just from my study of mental illnesses but haven’t really considered it for myself. Its always hard since there’s always so much symptom overlap between different things, like never knowing whether something is OCD or StPD or other things or random trauma related symptoms that don’t fit into anything particularly. From what I looked up I do have a reasonable amount of the common symptoms and signs or whatever, but I would have to think about it a lot longer to consider the place of that in relation to my existing diagnoses, study it more, and talk to my therapist about it lol. But, thanks for the suggestion! It does seem worth looking into I guess, though I usually kind of ignore those things about myself as random personal quirks, it probably is unusual to be that bothered by sensory input and etc. lmao
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-- 53. Hey, I really liked that scultpre! Esp the eyebroes for some reason????? Looks cool Thank so much!! I need to work on sculptures more often lol, I kind of got out of the habit of it and so distracted by other projects and everything but, I really really enjoy them and hope I can start to make more soon!! idk why I went into a weird distracted slump but, I definitely still remember them and have some sculpts I plan to do hopefully. Sorry for not doing on in so long.. gotta get back to that,.. lov to.. touch softe clay...squinsh -
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- -- 54. hey what brand are those blue and red sneaker sandals?? i love them and would love to find ones like them ty ty from ebay or similar cheap sites lmao, just search ‘sneaker sandals’ or ‘athletic sandal’ or something similar. They're hard to find kind of and usually don't have specific brands. I wish they were more popular so there'd be more selection (especially for my big large feet) but for now you’d probably just be lucky to find any. At least the past few times I’ve looked for them it’s been hard to find good ones in my size. time for... Sneaker Sandal revolution... give me more...
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OKAY THATS EVERYTHING LMAO sorry hopefully this wasnt too weird and disorganized of a layout to do this in
#replies#eternal hell... i've been trying to finish this since like january lmao...#tfw chronic exhaustion and functioning issues..#but at least it's finally.. done.. cleared... now i just have to work on clearing out the 5000 million other things i wanted to#by the time I'm done with january new years cleaning goals it'll be december bhbhjrg
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my dog is biting me. it’s cool to just journal on my computer. i also really do love writing too. i kinda woke up on the wrong side of the bed like. i still feel like my relationships aren’t life enhancing and that a lot of them are draining and uninspiring. I feel more inspired by people that are sharing their talents with the world and being humble and caring about what i’m doing. i kinda. just feel rubbed the wrong way. like i’m an afterthought and no one really cares enough about me to put in effort. i think dani kinda cares but i also think she is lonely. it might be the same for daniel idk. i guess i can appreciate their loyalty. i do think overall i’m happier bc i’m spending time doing things that i enjoy. i just have to. keep manifesting the right career and fulfilling relationships. i have talents that i can share with people. i should sell vegan baked good from my apartment! i also want to sell my prints and possibly drinks. if i keep putting out things that i am creating maybe one day i will be able to support myself from my art. an investment as a career as an artist is more important to me than investing in friends that aren’t inspiring. all of this rain is a bummer. my dog is probably pooping. i kinda wish i had a day to myself right now. i don’t feel like collaborating with anyone. oh well. i want to check out all of my dad’s companies on the list and make it look really nice. i also want to spruce up my resume so that i can potentially apply to good jobs. the universe. is. setting me up at least it’s setting me up so that i can expand my horizons. i should be able to pay for my bills. i should be able to pay for new items. i should be able to paint on canvases if i want to. i should be able to go out to eat sometimes. i should be able to do more crafts too! i have alot of abundance in my life already. my garden. my dog. my apartment. my boyfriend. my family. i do have some good friends too: omar and kegan. i think they both understand me and add to my life in ways that are really fulfilling. my sister and mom add to my life too. i don’t want to constantly question my other relationships but i do want them to be very affirming.
•All of my relationships are meaningful and life enhancing. •I am confident in my abilities to reach the pinnacle of my profession. •I am on the right career path. •I have the power to control all of the things in my life.
All of my relationships are meaningful and life enhancing.
I am confident in my abilities to reach the. pinnacle of my. profession.
I am on the right career path.
I have the power to control all of the things in my life.
I also just want to be on the right side of karma. I want to heal my karmic past and break ancestral wounds cycles and patterns. i don’t want to be faced in front of more walls i don’t want to expect someone to give me something that they can’t. i can’t relax. i don’t feel like relaxing. i don’t feel like bringing more. negativity into the world. i would like to bring. positivity into the world for people that want that for me. i do see that people resent me for my positivity and for my ability to create. I DO NOT WANT THESE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE. i just want people in my life that affirm my purpose. that i can grow with. people who inspire me and see my light. i don’t want to complain anymore it feels so toxic. maybe i also am resentful for people who are able to make money. i feel like money doesn’t matter but really i do feel scared. i don’t want to be so afraid. i can be objective but for what reason. i do want to create a safe and loving dream world. i think this retrograde season is making me feel like i still have karmic ties to the past to certain people. to scorpio people. it seems like i’m not enough for scorpio people. it does seem like i resent myself when i hang out with other people because my life isn’t where i would like it to be. i think i’m afraid to have money. i’m afraid that i won’t be the same person anymore. i have to trust that i am growing and i am growing. i am becoming the person that i was born to become. my art is improving. my baking is amazing already without much experience!! my baking could get better. i have to go with how i am inspired!! i really love baking and art. i think i have my own style too. i also have self-esteem and think that it’s important to speak highly of myself. i know that i am talented and i am unearthing my talent everyday by becoming dedicated to my bliss and my purpose on earth.
-make onlyfans instagram
-ask to see if anyone is interest in a tarot reading
-make myself seem official
-make myself profitable
-money is worth in this realm
-i am able to cultivate my worth by sharing my gifts
-people are interested in investing in my gifts and my joy
-i want to hang out with Stephanie and make art
-i can accept my privileges and they will make my life better because i am investing in my happiness.
-i use my money wisely
-i make good investments for myself
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101.
5000 Question Survey Pt. 24
2201. Do you have a favorite song by The Cure? no. 2202. Are there things you’ve never told for fear that others would judge you? oh yeah there’s definitely some stuff 2203. Do you have a favorite Glen Miller song? i don’t know who that is 2204. Can sex ever be casual? yes. 2205. Who was the last person to let you down? i don’t know
2206. Do others feel that you expect too much of them? i hope not 2207. Did you forgive the last person who hurt you? i don’t even know who that was so probably 2208. Does one bad deed outshine many good deeeds? i don’t think so 2209. Would you like to go on television to receive a make-over? nah 2210. What will no one ever see you do? i don’t know honestly 2211. Are you quick to anger? usually yeah 2212. Are you slow to forgive? not really 2213. Do most people around you have a positive attitude? somewhat
2214. What do you need help with? figuring out how to give a proper blow job 2215. Do you know a lot about geography? not a lot at all, one of my worst subjects 2216. Do you take the easy way out of things? most of the time 2217. What is your favorite fabric to wear? anything soft and cozy 2218. Would you finish this survey if it went up to 10,000 questions? eventually 2219. Would you rather visit the dessert or the rainforest? rainforest. 2220. What does Domo Oregato Mister Roboto actually mean? i have no idea 2221. Do you still make a wish when you blow out your birthday candles i don’t get a birthday cake anymore so that would be a negative 2222. Make a wish now: ok 2223. Do you look for four leaf clovers? not really anymore 2224. What are you the guardian of? my destiny 2225. Do you treat people differently based on their appearance? nope 2226. Are you for or against censoring child pornography? i am absolutely for that shit. 2227. Are naked child images in paintings more acceptable than photographs of naked children? still wrong regardless 2228. Now that we can create such lifelike digital images, do you think it should be allowed for digital child pornography to exist (as in there were no children involved in the porn, it is all digitally made, the kids aren’t real, they just look real)? why though? can’t we just not have child pornography period? why can’t the sick fucks who enjoy that shit be arrested? 2229. Do you like wheel of fortune or jeopardy better? neither honestly. never really watched either of them 2230. Are you a fan of the Clash? no idea what that is 2231. How do you feel about Jerry Orbuch’s passing on? idk who that is 2232. What celebrity are you dreading the future death of? morgan freeman 2233. Are you a fan of Joy Division? no. 2234. If you were going to ‘make over’ your diary what theme would you give it? - 2235. What is your favorite tarot deck? i dont know shit about tarot cards or anything like that so i have no idea 2236. How do you feel about file sharing (especially movies and music)? i don’t mind it 2237. How do you feel about wicca and paganism? i had a friend who is wicca, it doesn’t bother me 2238. Do you believe that people who practice the above religions are able to accomplish magic? i doubt it 2239. If you were given the opportunity to lead a creative writing program for a small group of students in a high school with a low budget in generally poor neighborhood, would you do it? sure. i like creative writing 2240. If you could pick anyone who would you want living next door to you? idk 2241. If you were a tarot card which one would you be? i don’t know anything about that shit man 2242. Should high school cafeterias stop serving twinkies and other fatty foods? i could care less 2243. Would you rather that McDonalds took a lot of fat out of their fries even if they wouldn’t taste as good? i love their fries man fuck off 2244. Do you neglect your friends when you have a significant other? nah 2245. Do you think that an advertisement for a cake decorating set would make good song lyrics? what? 2246. Would a band that used this ad for song lyrics take off or just fizzle out? idk. 2247. Are you more practical or imaginative? practical. 2248. Can you see beautiful colors without closing your eyes? sure. 2249. What are the four best songs or bands to listen to while making love? i dont listen to music while i’m making love 2250. What do you believe in? a lot of things, myself included 2251. What band is so romantic that anyone who listens to them must be romantic at heart? oh i have no idea 2252. Are you a fan of Roxy Music? no idea 2253. Can you ever say something that hasn’t been said or do something that hasn’t been done? probably not 2254. When was the last time you were up all night? not too long ago 2255. Do you enjoy wasting time? on occasion yeah 2256. Why do people use safe notes? idek what that means 2257. Have your gods and idols let you down? nah 2258. Is a place in the country your ideal? not at all 2259. Have you ever developed a photograph? yes i have 2260. Have you ever courted anyone? nope Has someone courted you? no 2261. What do you waste? money 2262. Have you ever silk screened a t-shirt? no 2263. Is there anything that you tend to make that most people usually buy rather than make themselves? scarves,pillows, etc. i craft a lot 2264. When was the last time that you were neither going to school or working for a month or more? when i was on vacay 2265. Is alcohol an excuse you use to be yourself for a while? nada 2266. What is your light at the end of the tunnel? my boyfriend? 2267. Speaking of the light, is the light that people see when they die the random firing of electrons or is it something more? i have no idea 2268. Do you ever step back thinking of life’s inner meaning and your latest fling? sometimes ig lol 2269. Can anyone guess what band/song I am listening to right now? i have no idea,probably something i don’t know anyways 2270. When was the last time you were embarrassed? my boyfriend gave me shit for not being able to cook 2271. If you were going to have a mural painted in your bed room what would you want it to be of? space 2272. Is sex more about fulfilling a need or giving yourself? both. 2273. Do you like your belly? not at the moment 2274. Do you think more or act more? think. 2275. Do you ever think about the price of gasoline? all the time lol 2276. What is the healthiest food to eat? idk meat probably 2277. Have you ever read: Jonathan Livingston Seagull? no. Ender’s Game? no. Memnoch the Devil? no. 2278. Should there be a mandatory retirement age? nope 2279. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done on impulse that worked out well? i don’t remember. 2280. List everything you have eaten in the past 24 hours: cereal, waffles, hashbrowns, wings 2281. Do you listen to your intuitions, feelings and tingly sensations? usually 2282. Do you know a lot about the city you live in and do you think it’s important to know a lot about it? i know a lot and yeah i think so 2283. If you were at the Everything in the Whole Wide World museum what would you want to see first? dont know what that is but it sounds pretty cool 2284. Have you ever read: Lost Souls? The Shining? seen the movie Damnation Game? Pearl Harbor? 2285. Do you have any exercise tapes or dvds? used to 2286. Do you own a pair of lucky underwear? no. 2287. You’ve been feeding a wild cat but it’s annoying your neighbors. You can not adopt it but youu must get rid of it. Which is kinder, taking it to a no-kill shelter that will keep it in a cage for the rest of it’s life or having it put to sleep? take it to a shelter. the one i work at doesnt keep their cats in cages unless they’re sick, they get to roam around in a room with a bunch of other cats. it’s actually a perfectly good temporary home for cats. 2288. Can you spell “mouse” without singing it (at least in your head)? yes. 2289. What’s a word people should use more often? cunt 2290. What is the longest word you can type using only the top (letter) row of the keyboard? worry
2291. Do you listen to other people’s advice? sure do 2292. Would you ever consider putting your entire cd collection on your hard drive and then selling the cd’s? i dont even think i know where any of my cds are 2293. What do you think of this survey so far? it’s alright 2294. What is one question that hasn’t been on this survey yet but should be? there’s plenty i’m sure 2295. Does 'liberty and justice for all’ mean for all americans or all people? americans. 2296. What do you believe that you think EVERYONE should agree with? be nice to everyone 2297. Does the sound of crickets bother you? when i’m sleeping, yeah 2298. Is the sound of a fan on at night soothing? yes. 2299. How do you feel you will likely die? no idea 2300. If you were going to run away where would you go? somewhere far away from here
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492.
5000 Question Survey Pt. 24
2201. Do you have a favorite song by The Cure? no. 2202. Are there things you've never told for fear that others would judge you? not really. 2203. Do you have a favorite Glen Miller song? i don’t know them. 2204. Can sex ever be casual? yes. 2205. Who was the last person to let you down? my boyfriend.
2206. Do others feel that you expect too much of them? i don’t think so. 2207. Did you forgive the last person who hurt you? yes. 2208. Does one bad deed outshine many good deeeds? definitely. 2209. Would you like to go on television to receive a make-over? tbh sure, why not. 2210. What will no one ever see you do? masturbate lol. 2211. Are you quick to anger? sometimes. 2212. Are you slow to forgive? sadly, yes. 2213. Do most people around you have a positive attitude? hmm half and half. 2214. What do you need help with? finding a new job. 2215. Do you know a lot about geography? not a whole lot but i wouldn’t say i lack knowledge in it. i’m good with flags and capitals. 2216. Do you take the easy way out of things? sometimes. 2217. What is your favorite fabric to wear? cotton. 2218. Would you finish this survey if it went up to 10,000 questions? eventually i guess, assuming i still liked doing surveys. 2219. Would you rather visit the dessert or the rainforest? rainforest. 2220. What does Domo Oregato Mister Roboto actually mean? idk. 2221. Do you still make a wish when you blow out your birthday candles haha sometimes. 2222. Make a wish now: sure. 2223. Do you look for four leaf clovers? when i was a kid, yeah. 2224. What are you the guardian of? idk. my life? 2225. Do you treat people differently based on their appearance? no. i’ll treat people based on their behaviour towards me and others. 2226. Are you for or against censoring child pornography? for. who would be against that? 2227. Are naked child images in paintings more acceptable than photographs of naked children? still wrong but i’d say so. 2228. Now that we can create such lifelike digital images, do you think it should be allowed for digital child pornography to exist (as in there were no children involved in the porn, it is all digitally made, the kids aren't real, they just look real)? hmm but for what reason exactly? 2229. Do you like wheel of fortune or jeopardy better? wheel of fortune. never watched jeopardy. 2230. Are you a fan of the Clash? no. 2231. How do you feel about Jerry Orbuch's passing on? i didn’t know them. 2232. What celebrity are you dreading the future death of? anyone i love right now. 2233. Are you a fan of Joy Division? no. 2234. If you were going to 'make over' your diary what theme would you give it? lol. 2235. What is your favorite tarot deck? tbh i can’t even name one from the deck. 2236. How do you feel about file sharing (especially movies and music)? it’s a dying sector since streaming services have taken over. 2237. How do you feel about wicca and paganism? no feeling. 2238. Do you believe that people who practise the above religions are able to accomplish magic? i have no idea. i’d have to see it to believe it. 2239. If you were given the opportunity to lead a creative writing program for a small group of students in a high school with a low budget in generally poor neighborhood, would you do it? no, just coz i’m not that great at creative writing myself. 2240. If you could pick anyone who would you want living next door to you? my boyfriend hahaha. 2241. If you were a tarot card which one would you be? idk. 2242. Should high school cafeterias stop serving twinkies and other fatty foods? i guess. 2243. Would you rather that McDonalds took a lot of fat out of their fries even if they wouldn't taste as good? no. just don’t go there or stop eating fried in general. 2244. Do you neglect your friends when you have a signifigant other? i’ve done that before but not anymore. 2245. Do you think that an advertisement for a cake decorating set would make good song lyrics? idk lol. 2246. Would a band that used this ad for song lyrics take off or just fizzle out? idk. 2247. Are you more practicle or imaginative? practical. 2248. Can you see beautiful colors without closing your eyes? sure. 2249. What are the four best songs or bands to listen to while making love? any old school rnb music. 2250. What do you believe in? idk anymore. 2251. What band is so romantic that anyone who listens to them must be romantic at heart? boyz ii men surely. 2252. Are you a fan of Roxy Music? idk them. 2253. Can you ever say something that hasn't been said or do something that hasn't been done? possibly. 2254. When was the last time you were up all night? maybe a month ago. i just couldn’t sleep. 2255. Do you enjoy wasting time? sometimes haha. 2256. Why do people use safe notes? what? 2257. Have your gods and idols let you down? no. 2258. Is a place in the country your ideal? nah. 2259. Have you ever developed a photograph? yes i have actually! 2260. Have you ever courted anyone? no. Has someone courted you? yes. 2261. What do you waste? time. 2262. Have you ever silk screened a t-shirt? nope. 2263. Is there anything that you tend to make that most people usually buy rather than make themselves? well i usually do my nails instead of getting them done professionally if that counts. 2264. When was the last time that you were neither going to school or working for a month or more? probably when i went to europe for 6 weeks. 2265. Is alcohol an excuse you use to be yourself for a while? no lol. 2266. What is your light at the end of the tunnel? idk. 2267. Speaking of the light, is the light that people see when they die the random firing of electrons or is it something more? who knows. 2268. Do you ever step back thinking of life's inner meaning and your latest fling? nope. 2269. Can anyone guess what band/song I am listening to right now? no. 2270. When was the last time you were embaressed? when i tripped at the top of the escalators coz my shoelace got stuck. omg nightmare. 2271. If you were going to have amural painted in your bed room what would you want it to be of? a replica of an art piece i like. 2272. Is sex more about fullfilling a need or giving yourself? both. 2273. Do you like your belly? no. 2274. Do you think more or act more? think. 2275. Do you ever think about the price of gasoline? ridiculous. 2276. What is the healthiest food to eat? water lol. 2277. Have you ever read: Jonathan Livingston Seagull? no. Ender's Game? no. Memnoch the Devil? no. 2278. Should there be a mandatory retirement age? not at all. 2279. What's the craziest thing you've ever done on impulse that worked out well? buy tickets from a scalper at the stadium after the game had already started lol. 2280. List everything you have eaten in the past 24 hours: popcorn, beef and rice, bubble tea, steak and prawns. 2281. Do you listen to your intuitions, feelings and tingly sensations? sometimes. 2282. Do you know a lot about the city you live in and do you think it's important to know a lot about it? i know enough about it. 2283. If you were at the Everything in the Whole Wide World museuem what would you want to see first? never heard of it but it sounds cool. 2284. Have you ever read: Lost Souls? The Shining? Damnation Game? Pearl Harbor? none. 2285. Do you have any excercise tapes or dvds? yeah we used to have tae bo dvds lol. 2286. Do you own a pair of lucky underwear? no. 2287. You've been feeding a wild cat but it's annoying your neighbors. You can not adopt it but youu must get rid of it. Which is kinder, taking it to a no-kill shelter that will keep it in a cage for the rest of it's life or having it put to sleep? no idea... can no kill shelters put them up for adoption? 2288. Can you spell "mouse" without singing it (at least in your head)? yes. 2289. What's a word people should use more often? fiasco. 2290. What is the longest word you can type using only the top (letter) row of the keyboard? lol idk. 2291. Do you listen to other people's advice? i will always listen. but i’ll always act upon what i think is the best choice. 2292. Would you ever consider putting your entire cd collection on your hard drive and thn selling the cd's? nah. 2293. What do you think of this survey so far? it’s okay... 2294. What is one question that hasn't been on this survey yet but should be? idk lol. what’s you favourite snapchat filter? lol. 2295. Does 'liberty and justice for all' mean for all americans or all people? americans. 2296. What do you believe that you think EVERYONE should agree with? respect everyone? 2297. Does the sound of crickets bother you? only if i’m thinking about it and trying to go to sleep. 2298. Is the sound of a fan on at night soothing? yes. 2299. How do you feel you will likely die? idk. hopefully of old age. 2300. If you were going to run away where would you go? i have no idea.
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Take medicine. Sedate. I need a little more. Sedate. Cry to someone. Still feel alone. Feel misunderstood, I've been trying so hard. I tried to take my own life once, to be with him, how did that fail? Still here. In between two realms, purgatory. Can communicate with both, no one believes me they all call me bat shit crazy and pretend I don't know it. Collective consciousness picks on me and leaves me out of it, guess my awareness means I'm full of myself....which I'm not. I have such low self esteem. I wonder why it didn't work, I stabbed myself in my heart in the lung. People cared for awhile. Still I don't feel I belong. Father calls me crazy after saying he believes in me. Typical. It's all about what they see, they love the visual. They love the appearance. My soul journey to see the love of my life is a joke to them. And no I won't stop writing. I've written so much lately, posted none of it. Now I'll post it. None of them care til it's too late. My gramps hasn't been well, I pray for him tonight. The meds get stronger. Bath, it's hot. Steaming. Steam baths mixed with meds equate to increased pharmaceutical effects. On your muscles, on mine. I cried so hard, first time in 2017...so I know what I need distance from, and who. My neck cracks. I wear his necklace, haven't taken it off and I won't until the day I die. Pick it up with my left hand, the better hand. Everything left side goes first and I'm still learning. Left vs. right. They say trump will ignite the fire of the people. Firework just went off. Timing. Timing and intuition. Unlearning second guessing myself. People can hear each other's thoughts in the collective consciousness. Every thing on earth is a manifestation of God, therefore everything has consciousness. Everything interacts. I hear my heartbeat with my ears underwater, sometimes it skips a beat. And I don't care. People can hear my thoughts, weird. My boyfriend is in the 5th dimension and we live and love in parallel universes. He's everything to me. All the people here except 2 have stood by me. I'm lonely here. Ponticus Pilat was a good guy, he asked the people Jesus the Messiah or Jesus of Barabbas, which one should he let go? People said let Barabbas go. Christ was hung, after 9 hours he called out My God My God why art thou forsaken me? FEMA camps. 9/11. I stabbed myself on 9/11. False flags. Elias. Ascension. Twin Flames. Shamanism. Reincarnation. Samsara. HAARP weather manipulation. Bilderberg Group. The illegalization of hemp. Trump. Monocle Magazine and the book "How to build a Nation". Fascism. Mary Magdalene and Jesus Christ. There's so much hidden history. So much. It is the first Full Moon of 2o17. I feel the emotional detachment happening, it is bittersweet. A good night for Tarot. Hopefully I'll sleep a lot tonight. Shallow breathing I realize, mindfulness. A life of mindfulness. They say I'm schizophrenic or bipolar I guess that's how the Illuminati and Freemasonry would want it to be seen as. What about A New Earth, people are ascending. It is the Age of Aquarius. God I miss you. So much Seroquel. Thankfully. I've slept so much lately, been so depressed. Have had the most intense dreams. I hope I can lucid dream tonight. My mind has 68 tabs open constantly. Could use a good toke, or 7. Deep sigh. They said this full moon would be emotional. How do they know everything? I'm sick of being a pawn in people's games and agendas. I miss feeling free. Everything is so caged lately, I don't get how people don't see their focus is directed and diverted from reality...surreal. I've posted so much photography lately. I miss it. It's strange to think I once had a steel blade in my chest and was pondering do I use the butcher knife or the steak knife, steak didn't work. But the serrated edge did get me good, pierced the lung, I was fading. In between realms, I was at peace with it. I had done acid a few days before, my boyfriend had given it to me awhile back. What an experience. I can't believe I delayed that experience for so long, I saw the truth. We're all incarnated here by reptilian beings who eat parts of our etheric bodies for their energy. The New World Order, the 1% wants control, power, greed. The pharmaceutical companies....the ones I'm currently sedated by to deal with this bullshit in my head....big pharm. everything is a lie. Happiness and kindness are all that matter. Unconditional love too, he and I have it but they try to keep us apart. Romeo and Juliet. My body responds in ways that they say Ascension feels like; left side, right side. It's interesting to observe as the watcher rather than the thinker as Eckhart Tolle says. I need to read that book again. Silly of me to allow them to get the best of my emotions again, 4 days ago was the end of Mercury Retrograde and today was the Full Moon or Wolf Moon or Hunger Moon. This bath is nice. Left eye twitches, deep sigh, ears pressure fluctuates constantly depending on how well I go with the universe rather than against it. I'm a believer so to the skeptics I'm crazy, but to the believers I'm......idk. I opened up so much emotionally today. I get new meds tomorrow, yay, I'm sure they're counting down the hours to sedate me. For meds the whole price is paid. I'm just a burden to them, I told someone he was the reason I wanted to die he was screaming in my face and I screamed back I don't want to get that way again. But at least he knows the truth now, after all he's said and done against me. Then offers to sell me a car for next to nothing, like I'm a charity case. That's all they say to each other, negative, toxic, fake bullshit. And never to my face, always behind my back while they pretend to like me to my face. It's sad. I think I scare them somehow. Because Joe can communicate with me. & I, him. Gramps says everyone has special gifts. I tried to overdose, it failed. He's the tear in my heart, I'm alive, he's the tear in my heart, I'm on fire. He's the tear in my heart, take me farther than I've ever been! Twenty one pilots. He plays piano, so does Machine Gun Kelly? Is that real. I got a guitar, that would probably help. I wish people didn't bank happiness so much on materialism. I've been blessed in many ways but the most expensive thing to have is unconditional love and acceptance, a true friend. I wish I had more medicine or LSD, it's the truth. It's awakening, it's so crazy. I just saw what all this was. All the cycles of reincarnated human souls on this planet by reptilians held in power AKA government, the 99% is so strong. There's a collective mental revolution going on for those who aren't afraid to stand away from the herd and be authentic in their own being. More hot water. Life is strange, I'm in this place of awareness of who is fake to me and then this understanding of gratitude and feeling blessed for all I have received spiritually, mentally, soulfully, emotionally, physically, on the Earth plane and then from the Higher Realms. Joey is an Ascended Master. He's so smart, he's so helpful and keeps me balanced as we travel through this Twin Flame soul journey. It's incredible, I've never loved or missed or felt ripped apart from something so much in my life. Appetite is gone. I wonder what Thailand is like. Should probably sleep and stuff. I miss you sugar.
Me
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