#i could rant about him for YEARS
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2.12 Chimney Begins - 2.09 Hen Begins - 2.16 Bobby Begins Again - 7.04 Buck, Bothered and Bewildered
Tommy's family arc
#911#911edit#911 abc#911 show#911 spoilers#911 season 7#tommy kinard#evan buckley#evan 'buck' buckley#kinley#bucktommy#kinkley#tevan#pick a ship name you guys and thanks for picking tevan the most correct name#anyway analysis time!#looking back with Modern Knowledge tm about why tommy acts the way he does in the past... babygirl you were so closeted I'm so proud#babygirl was back there getting into narnia#he was so resistant to letting go of the pseudo-family he'd found at the 118 in chimney begins#even tho it was a good old boys club that he knew he really didn't fit into he was making himself fit because at least it was something#but then he let chimney in and then hen came around and he saw a very queer person being openly queer and not giving a fuck what they think#and I think his behavior in that episode was trying to support hen as much as he could without outing himself#because like. how do you give up years of relative safety with people who do care about you they just won't like you anymore if you're *you#then he meets buck in s7 which is like 10-20 years later timeline is fake and he's like oh. this is what unconditional family is#and he's like oh. maybe I can come back. maybe I can be part of this again somehow. maybe we've both grown enough#or at the very least he'll be close to something he never believed would really happen for him#rant over tevan my beloved tim minear pillow cold both sides god bless#my edits
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And some days, I just wish you wouldn't look at me at all.
#ffxiv#sketch#wol#meteor survivor#zenos yae galvus#adventurer zenos#oh no#its the consequences of his actions#everything is fine until the only man on the star you care about looks at you with the same contempt your father did#(Meteor's not doing it intentionally- its a reflex after he comes back for quite a bit)#and zenos is getting bodied because its been a while since... you know... him being able to really feel anything at all#and no- its not him regretting anything that had to do with varis- just him regretting the thought meteor could look at him like that#little does Meteor know he's emotionally bodying the man he's trying to be cordial with#its a little okay because in how I write adventurer zenos this serves as one of his main wake-up calls to make some changes#and realizing both the mistakes he's made with meteor and that meteor hating him in any way is actually -not at all- what he wants#but not okay on the end that every time meteor does this he has to watch zenos actively dissociate right in front of him#until zenos just kinda autopilots and walks away#the second time (or perhaps third) in the last 11 years that zenos has felt regret to any major capacity-#on meteor's end I just enjoy seeing the progression of the WoL through subtext#and why meteor is willing to even entertain the idea despite how much he hates zenos- his decisions and the path he's walked#is the realization that there is high chance that he could actually be a direct catalyst for zenos' growth#and the realization the wol has that they were the only one zenos has ever genuinely reached out to#besides- i just like the idea of having your equal other half fighting back to back with you- or being able to handle threats you cant#and i find their dynamic neat- of meteor not forgiving zenos but giving him his last chance- and growing to enjoy being around him#and zenos being able to work on moving past being the weapon or the monster- finding the connections he's longed for#and giving himself purpose to finally truly just live- for him to learn to experience and have the freedom to find what he enjoys#(and curiously him having estinien's brand of accidently helping people even in StB gives me ideas...)#but enough tag ranting- ill get to zenos' actual adventuring in another post lol
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People who infantilize autistic coded characters are the weakest link in society's chain.
How are you gonna look at this mf
And then tell me he's too uwu to do anything. Open your eyes, expand your brain; he thinks of the MCnasty too. Let him say fuck !!!!
#and even if he doesn't think of the mcnasty because thats also valid he is still a fucking ADULT jesus fucking christ#his trains arent the only thing he can get railed WHO SAID THAT#HE CAN CHOO CHOO IN MANY WAYS#i kinda hate that even after aaaalll this years the same stereotype prevails so bad like even when people do write him in serious things#he still gets infantilized like 'uwu he doesn't know anything too pure too saint' bitch look at me in my gay eyes and tell me he#didn't look at mello's leather covered ass when he went to pick up his photo that's why he didn't turn y'all can't see my vision#anyway rant over because i could do a ted talk about this shit but i won't because i get easily angry at how bad people see my fav character#my damn point is that if u infantilize near then i suggest u to read the manga again my man has fucking HOBBIES but aint a child#peace out🙂↔️✌🏻
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Hellsing 2002 calendar illustration.
Ein wunderliche und erschröckliche Hystori von einem großen Wüttrich genant Dracole wayda Der do so ganz unkristenliche marrter hat angelegt die mensche, als mit spissen als auch die leut zu Tod geslyffen
A wondrous and frightening story about a great berserk called Dracula the voivode who inflicted such unchristian tortures such as with stakes and also dragged people to death
#hellsing#alucard#kouta hirano#translation was found in a comment by u/lazyfoxheart on r/Kurrent#fun fact this is the highest quality version of this image that exists online#i know because i've been looking forever for a version that's clear enough to actually read what hirano wrote under '1443'#but there weren't any so i had to take matters into my own hands#the real image on the back of the guidebook is only 2 inches tall so i had to take this with my smartphone and will my hands not to shake#anyway i'm pretty sure it's supposed to say Eğrigöz (the location vlad was imprisoned) so yeah. thank you hirano very cool#if i might rant for a sec it took me an embarrassingly long time to figure that out because i didn't have the guidebook at first#and in the images i could find online that part was just a blur that looked suspiciously like a person's signature and i was like. who tf#i was thinking matthias corvinus since he issued some political propaganda against vlad iirc but it didn't match his signature on wikipedia#then i thought it might be vlad II dracul's since he probably had to sign an agreement to send his sons over as hostages at some point#but that didnt seem right either so i kept skimming vlad's wiki page#and then i was like goddammit...hirano.....you just misspelled Eğrigöz didn't you.. ....#i maybe should've made a separate post dedicated to this instead of writing a novel in the tags but eh#the hellsing brainrot runs deep#also- i put it in the source link at the bottom of the post but the german inscription is copied off a real woodcut of vlad from 1491#except instead of depicting him as an adult hirano drew him as a child which gives the inscription a very different feel imo#the one final thing that interests me about this is the fact that hirano published this calendar in 2002#which is REALLY early in the series. like this was before volume 5 came out??#i have no idea why he decided to do a massive spoiler drop in a random piece of japan-only merch#sandwiched between a drawing of alucard as john travolta from saturday night fever and integra as a fish no less#it makes me really curious to know what the fan response to this was back then. like did people even know who this was#maybe im just an idiot and everyone back then was like 'ah yes its alucard as a 12 year old. how very informative'
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anyone interested in talking about the iconic 2000's middle-grade-bordering-on-ya book series gallagher girls??
#okay incoming rant about this series#i read the first book when i was 10 or 11 and i was absolutely obssessed with it. i read it so many times i had the entire story memorized#the issue was that i could not find the rest of the series anywhere. it was either sold out or out of stock#and then i found out that only the first 3 books had been translated into my first language so at that point i kinda gave up on them#anyway#flashforward to a couple of weeks ago#i was re organizing my bookshelf and on the back i found LYKY (is this how y'all are abreviating it??)#and remembred how much i loved it#and since i'm now fluent in english and was stuck at home recovering from a surgery i decided to download the entire series and read it#to find out what the fuck happened afterwards#long story short i read all six books in 4 or 5 days#and i haven't stopped thinking about them since#it's actually so funny how little information we have in the first book#i went all of these years thinking it was mostly a silly series about a boarding school for spies when actually SO MUCH happens afterwards#i can't believe i went all of these years unaware of zach goode's existence#truly character of all time#but also i can't stop thinking about how interesting it would have been if zach had come to hate the circle and his mom during the series#rather than before#make it a true enemies to lovers#and have us witness that portion of his character developement in real time instead of being told about it#like him slowly realizing through cammie and his time at gallagher that maybe what they were doing is wrong#i think it would have been very interesting to read#although let's be real it took me until halfway through book four to trust him and he was fully one of the good guys so..#but yeah i have a lot more to say but these tags are long enough#gallagher girls#okay i just want to add another funny anecdote about my experience with this series#my copy of LYKY has an age warning in the back recomending that readers should be above 13 yo to read it#and i distinctly remember finishing it and thinking the warning was kind of dumb bcs besides a few mentions of death and other heavier topi#nothing really happened#and now i realize it was a warning for the rest of the series not just the first book because jesus fucking chirst everything after
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TWF fans have a strange habit of, for lack of a better word, woobifying Mr. Walten.
I think a lot of you seem to take this series a lot less serious than it actually is, and those same people have a very bad habit of making Jack out to be a saint. He's just a normal guy. Just because he loves his family doesn't mean he's some sweet and perfect guy who has no flaws. I never see any of you discuss or portray his anger issues that Martin has mentioned numerous times.
You all blatantly ignore the fact that Sophie's only memories she retained of him were that he was angry and he worked all the time. Just because he loves his family and didn't abuse them doesn't mean he's perfect. To deny him of these flaws take away what a dynamic character he's being written to be.
We know Felix sucks. We all know this because no one shuts up about it. That's his best friend of 20 years, someone he chose to have around his family, and someone he chose to start a business with. Felix's actions don't reflect on Jack, obviously, but you have to think about the fact they are best friends of 2 decades.
The small bit we know about Jack and what things Martin has let on to his personality over time is very different than what everyone makes him out to be, and it's strange. If you choose to ignore that Jack is just a normal middle-aged man in the 70s, that's on your own inability to actually like the character that's there.
#I could continue about this rant but truly it's grating on my very last nerve#i remain the only guy on this site that likes the workaholic chainsmoker 40 year old man#you guys do realize a guy can be goofy and love his family and also have flaws#does anyone remember when martin said that jack and felix hang out at bars together? we ignoring that?#just like how we ignore the sophie's memory of him on the site?#or how martin has said when jack dislikes something he actively shits on it (cartoons fashion choices music etc)#its weird to make him out to be some poor saint of a father who has zero flaws and his only personality traits are i love my wife !!!#him being a normal human with a multifaceted personality makes what happened all the more sad and realistic. he was a normal guy#with a normal life that was torn apart in a horrific unforeseeable accident. let him be dynamic. let him be an actual character and not jus#some goofy cartoon funny man.#rant over#twf#the walten files#jack walten#🥃.txt
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i need to know who at supergiant games thought it was a good idea to not only split odysseus from his family, but also go with the version where he cheated on penelope. i need to know why and how that decision was approved.
#it genuinely feels like they broke odysseus and penelope up just so that the bath scene could happen#i need to know how whoever was in charge of writing ody saw him sobbing on the shore of ogygia everyday and thought#'what a COMPLETELY CONSENSUAL AFFAIR'#hades 2#hades game#hades ii#hades odysseus#i need to know what version of the odyssey they were reading to get that impression#what about odysseus NEEDING to sleep with circe to free his men seems consensual to that team.#i saw someone defending it by saying 'oh but he stayed with her for a year and had kids' which is so ????#he didnt stay with her of his own will and all 3 of those kids were very clearly r4p3babies so i have no idea wtf they were talking about#tag rant#tag ramblings#tw r4p3#tw s/a
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so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-
but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again
(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)
i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)
weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward
but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.
right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#sorta#suicide attempt mention in the IRL stuff im talking about in the following tags btw#theres some construction stuff on our house going on#and my father is extremely stressed about it#he used to be very explosive- being silent and then exploding out of nowhere .. probably left me with lasting damage yippie-#but now he much more lets it eat at himself bc hes old and feels bad for the past stuff so now it makes him irritated and depressed#my older brother is the most normal cis straight guy you can imagine and incredibly impatient and bossy (you CANNOT talk with him)#(brother doesnt live in our house)#and while hes helping out hes doing it exactly how my father doesnt like and since you cant talk to the guy (explosive +200) it stresses hi#to the point of my father yesterday saying that “it would have been better if i had just died back in the day”#likely referring to the time when he was drafted for the military against his will and tried to kill himself#which i learned only like .. a year ago- theres so little my parents tell me ....#its like my mother telling me- while my father was in hospital for heart surgery- that she not only almost died back when i was a young tee#and only survived bc of some incredibly unebelievable lucky coincidences (medics on a travel being there that knew what she had-#-while our local doctors said welp- nothing we can do lady AND them beign there with a helicopter and emergency transferring her#to antoher bigger hospital while giving her immediate treatment our local one didnt do- AND at the big one just so happened to have-#-an expert on that illness in the facility when she arrived who was able to narrrowly save her life#BUT ALSO while she was recovering and weak and frail as a dust bunny witnessing someone stealing hospital surplies-#not noticing she was in the room at first (which .. the nurses left her in the nurse room while going on break ... which uhm .. yeah cool)#and if my mother hadnt acted in time like she was fully asleep and the lady stealing stuff beign in hurry- she might have killed her#without my mother being able to fight back bc she could barely even talk (the nurses didnt want to believe her when they got back either)#ANYWAY that comment from my father brough me to tears#and my mom is trying out more ... other medication shes not prescribed in hopes of it helping agaisnt her many pains#but i worry it will interact with the other stuff shes on ...#and i worry so much about both of their mental and physical well being#always trying to be the one to calm them down or help with communication bc that is a big problem in this houesehold#but i myself am also a very much not normal and not medicated shut in who has trouble dealing even with my own feelings
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are usopp and luffy getting a divorce in yuor selkie au
Usopp: No????
Luffy: if Usopp wants one
Usopp:
Usopp: What're you talking about
Luffy: If Usopp wants to divorce that's okay, I don't want one but I get it if you do, I can't swim.
Usopp:
#one piece#selkie usopp au#lusopp#IT'S ABOUT LUFFY SEEING WHAT USOPP WANTS IN A RELATIONSHIP AS SOMETHING THAT CAN ONLY HAPPEN ONCE HES DEAD OR GONE#AND USOPP NOT BEING ABLE TO SEE A WORLD WITHOUT LUFFY IN IT EVEN THOUGH REALISTICALLY HE WILL LIVE 20-30 YEARS LONGER THAN LUFFY#LUFFY KNOWING HE'LL NEVER BE THAT OLD MAN THAT CAN DRIFT ON THE CURRENT WITH USOPP IN 50 YEARS#BUT WANTING TO LOVE USOPP THE ONLY WAY HE CAN AS LONG AS USOPP WILL LET HIM BEFORE USOPP REALIZES LUFFY CAN'T BE THAT#AND LEAVES TO FOLLOW HIS OWN DREAMS OF GROWING OLD WITH SOMEONE DIFFERENT THAN LUFFY#AND USOPP COMING TO TERMS WITH THE FACT THAT LUFFY BEING IT FOR HIM DOESN'T MEAN HE COULD STAY WITH USOPP FOREVER EVEN IF HE WANTED TO#AND USOPP'S IDEA OF GROWING OLD IS OBJECTIVELY FLAWED AND IS KEEPING HIM FROM ENJOYING THE PRESENT BECAUSE THERE WON'T BE MUCH FUTURE#NOT FOR THE TWO OF THEM#But honestly I'm soooo normal about them#Just ask Botan I ranted abt this shit to him while actively knawing on his head
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I am once again going down the rabbit hole of trying to figure out the ages of the Gallifrey characters
#idk why my brain gets so caught up on this but it does#I’m also talking like start of gallifrey because I’m not getting into all that for them now#what bothers me the most is that we’ve got basically nothing on Narvin#I can’t remember for sure but I don’t even think we know what regeneration he’s on#I don’t think it would be hard to assume his first but also it could not be#like for brax we know he’s older than the doctor so that puts him at at least 1000#and romana is around 600 years younger than the doctor so she’d be around 400#and then I’m going with 50 ish for leela because we don’t know her actual age so I’m using Louise jamesons age plus the time she spent#married to andred#also with romana that’s assuming that her and the doctor experienced the same amount of time in between them traveling together and the#start of gallifrey#I guess that could also count for brax too but whatever#for narvin what we’ve got is that he was above the rank of a junior agent under vansell during the time of the fourth doctor#(at least probably)#so we can make the assumption that he wasn’t fresh out of the academy/cia training#which makes me inclined to say that he’s older than romana#but that’s really all I’ve got on him#doctor who#gallifrey#romana#irving braxiatel#narvin#leela#clearly this is a subject I am normal about#if anyone else makes it this far in my rant and has any insights I’d love to hear them
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devastating news the twst fandom can’t separate the two orthos from each other (ORTHO having og orthos memories does not automatically make him 16 please pleas egod he is his own entirely different person that’s the whole point) (i rant in the tags sorry i’m going insane) (autistic ramblings of a madman)
#twisted wonderland#ortho shroud#twst#i could rant about this for so long it makes me so mad#i do agree that ortho should be included more in first year fan content#but him being a first year does not automatically make him 16 years old#there are canonical child prodigies that attend nrc they are mentioned by trey in book 1#(im not saying that he’s a child prodigy i am saying that children attend nrc)#orthos age is still undefined in his character profile post b6#but we know that idia took 2 years to make him and he finished making him when he was 12. ortho was made 6 years ago#also it’s just so obvious that og ortho is Supposed to be older than him#og ortho being referred to as orthos older brother and their differences in voice and how they act#people get really bothered when people call ortho a child#they’re like SO YOU THINK HES DUMB? INCAPABLE? like no that’s a whole different sentence#he’s so intelligent and capable and deals with growth and struggles and accomplishments#but i don’t think that changes anything?#he’s an equal to his peers because he’s a student and he’s learning with them! just like how grims seen as an equal#that fuckass cat /affectionate#i hope ortho blows up the planet
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Indiana became a state in 1816 aka the Year Without Summer; and while it didn't become a state until December of that year I will be using this for 2 wttt Indiana hc;
A. Indy is always cold, main reason he's the premier hoodie thief in the statehouse.
B. because it was such a horrid year for crops Indiana, who I think was about ten physically when he *popped* into existence, spent their first while on the planet rationing food & regularly going to bed hungry. This developed his lovely habit of hoarding food, and being the worst offender when it comes to the "you're not leaving the table til you've cleaned your plate". None of these habits were helped by the fact that (according to me) he was raised by Virginia who is the same way because of the Starving Time.
#wttt#welcome to the table#i actually got a whole rant in my about Virginia's guilt surrounding this#because he remembered being brand new in the world and everything just immediately being bleak#and when getting Kentucky promised himself he wouldn't let that happen#and when 1816 hit he had Kentucky and Ohio but they were a bit older they had enough happy years behind them it lessened the guilt#then here comes Indiana and Virginia almost killed congress for making him a state when they did bc wtf now is not the time for this#and exactly what he promised himself would never happen to a child in his care happened#& he blames Indy's general anxiety throughout his life on this and to a degree on himself#Ginny can't control natural disasters that had a global impact but convinced himself he could have done more to keep normalcy during it#which granted it WAS normal for Indy because it was all he knew#uhh yeah i'm gonna stop there and I'll turn that into it's own post if I want to keep going#wttt virginia#wttt indiana
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jude perry....
#tag rant incoming these recent asks have got me thinking about magnolia again.#i'm actually so invested in jude. horrible little wench that she is she's like a train wreck i can't look away from#she's interesting to me because she's sooo toxic but she's also like. 18 years old. yknow.#her relationship with agnes is super fucked up but i always hesitate to call it outright abusive#agnes is an incredibly fragile person with no sense of identity or ability to set boundaries#jude is an incredibly abrasive person who is unaccustomed to having feelings as strong as the way she feels for agnes#and does not know how to handle them appropriately#a lot of the time she GENUINELY thinks she's helping agnes (and the rest of her friends) when she's really being cruel#either that or she's acting out because she's terrified of losing them#not that she'd ever admit it#i think ppl's perceptions of her would really change if they read the agnes fic bc god some of their scenes are SO SO ROMANTIC 😭#and doesnt that make it so much harder and more confusing for agnes...#is it lovebombing... kind of. but not entirely so. jude is just finding out what it feels like to believe in something other than herself#(and then what it feels like to lose it. oops)#and the worst part is that she won't learn ANYTHING from it. in fact i think she comes out worse!! because afterwards she's Bitter!!!!#ough this is giving me ideas. she definitely would scapegoat gerry and she could Really fuck him up a couple years down the timeline... OOF#many thoughts head full#magnolia
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New headcannon just got airdropped into my thoughts. The song Hurts like hell but with click clack and it takes place during a depression episode at some point after thespius ascended but he hasn’t yet and is still dealing with the mental burden that is his friend/partner ascending and how his time is finite and all that sort of mental stuff that comes with your best friend/partner (and crush) now being immortal and them not knowing the certainties of it and if they’re relationship will ever be that same again for better or for worse.
This would honestly be such a cool animation but like I can’t animate for the life of me or have the time too with my break ending soon sadly
#not art#hc#headcanon#click clack#ggg#great god grove#brain thought#text post#the song hurts like hell#tw depression mention#cool animation idea possibly#would be cool as like a flash back sort of slideshow thing but like I have no art of them as humans/my headcanon human forms of them#what do you do when your friend(scratch that. love and all joy in life) ascends and leaves you behind to become a god and you have to deal#with what this whole event is doing to you mentally#angst#I definitely don’t think he took care of himself as well as he should have in those 33 years of separation#he didn’t have his rock to ground him and keep him in check too make sure he was actually taking care of himself#it probably pained thespius to see him self destruct but what could he do now. he was high in the clouds without a way to keep him safe from#himself#I love these two but those 33 years must have been so terrible for both of them. atleast they still had there love for each other#oh gods. thinking about this has made me realize how heart broke thespius would probably be if click clack died as a human and never became#a god and he was like gone. gods this got depressing to think about. he would probably devastated for years after that’s if he even recovers#afterwards#alright done ranting in tags. gotta go squeal at some Lovestory fanart to cheer me up again
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really weird thing ive noticed lately re: hermits getting critiqued for stuff theyve said or done is that as soon as someone holds a shit opinion (even if it's just them being stupid, or a centrist, or saying a bad word without knowing what it means, or whatever) people immediately seem to flock to the 'this guy should die' 'kys' 'why are we giving this person a platform' rhetoric and like. that's not how meaningful change is made?
like, yeah, if one of my beloved CCs posted a tweet or video tomorrow about how much they hate gay people, or believe in conservative ideals, or they just said a bunch of slurs or whatever (these are hyperbolic examples obviously) then yeah, fuck them, they should go rot. but like, having some dumb takes, or saying bad things in the past, doesn't = evil terrible person...
idk, i feel like we can critique content creators without getting so insane about it. like, shit, there are things some of my favourites do that i don't like, but theyre not even really worth bringing up tbh. unless its something actually important, i feel like it just creates more drama out of nothing and all these assholes come crawling out of the woodwork to tell everyone how much they hate that creator. or find their content boring anyway so clearly they have no real merit to anyone.
more of an explanation of what i mean in the tags but yeah.
#this is kind of about ppl finding out x is a centrist and... apparently that means telling him 'kys' is ok#i dont even like centrism but like... wasnt he super right wing at one point? is this not at least a mild improvement? he's just some guy#i like his content. dont care enough to get into drama about him being a 'we should all just talk it out!' kinda guy. who give a shit.#this is also kinda about doc's little rant on twt about plestine/isral (spelling to not clog tags) which was basically just -#- 'stop asking me to speak on these things 1. i could get into legal trouble 2. i stopped talking about politics years ago for good reasons#which like. isnt my favourite response to things? but i also Get It yknow?#it wasnt as big of a deal as ppl seemed to think it was#(especially since he very clearly retweeted donation post and said hes against innocent ppl dying. which is pretty clear to me.)#anyway the milder things im talking about here is like. harry potter references or mild orientalism re: 'asian-style' builds#like. i could go mad about that but i really dont give a shit#i dont#and like im a hard leftist. but i just do not care. so long as they arent a massive right winger or a creep im fine#*i say massive right winger but tbh i kind of mean right winger at all. i just dont give a shit about ccs wanting to remain more centrist#especially online.#anyway#hermitblr#hermitcraft#mcyt#discourse#ben chats shit on the internet#to clarify im not tryna say that its cool to play both sides politically but also i dont think bringing up a 4 year old post -#- to stir up drama is very genuine. looking at the notes i just see a lot of 'wow fuck this guy i hate his content anyway' and its like. ok
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what is going on w my brain
#huge tag rant coming but dw about it#basically. if anyone here has known me on the internet for long enough yous will have gathered that i badly struggle w motivation and#fulfilling goals that i set for myself even if it's for smth i enjoy eg languages#it happens so often but especially over summer where my brain just goes Nope#“i have all this free time to do the thing I've been planning for weeks and i've been so excited about planning but now we have the time i#will be numb and sad and scroll“#i also have huge problems focusing unless every factor is perfectly balanced and even then it's still 50/50#i do have a bad attention span from being chronically online but even if you put me in a blank room w my task i'd be distracted by thoughts#external deadlines are some of the only things that can kick me into gear and i've been fine at uni so far#but i'm scared i'll have another a levels situation where my mental health was so awful i missed every essay deadline for french for 2 years#sometimes by up to a month#the only reason i got away w it is because i had a breakdown in front of my teacher and he was like “yeah take care of yourself the essays#are not that deep just get them in first thing after half term ig“#like that was v kind of him but if i ever have a situation that bad again i will genuinely fail uni cus you can't get away w that#where was i going w this (<- is aware of the irony)#right yeah this week i've experienced the epic highs and lows#highs of really enjoying my downtime and putting active effort into my hobbies instead of my downtime being “scrolling but i don't hate it”#but lows of realising how much time i 'wasted' in my teen years feeling sad and scrolling when i could have been developing skills and#having fun#and yeah i'm having a high rn and genuinely enjoying life but it's making me realise that my default state of being is just 😐#like even when i'm at uni where my mental health is so much better than at home when it's just me home alone or in my room i'm just 😐#not really having fun just existing v passively mindlessly scrolling waiting for the day to be over so i can see my friends in the morning#like not every day has to be amazing but surely there's more to life than just 😐 in 99% of your downtime#like i've struggled for years on how to answer “what do you do in your free time” cus i had to search for answers#i read and go on walks. which is true. but they were always things i did as phone breaks during weekends and not something i actively did#because i liked them#and because of past mental health issues reading and sports based hobbies have become tainted for me#i'm working on it but yeah#huge tldr. i'm finally starting to accept that i probably have a combo of undiagnosed mental illness and neurodivergence#because if it's taken me this long to realise how much it truly impacts my enjoyment of life then surely that's smth
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